#I changed the sentence structure halfway through

[emo-batboy]

Battinson on SNL

Idk how popular Saturday Night Live is outside of the US so there will be some links for context. That said, as a New Jersey native, I think Battinson would totally watch the show. And since he's a celebrity...👀

SO

To promote WE’s newest charity fund, Alfred signs Bruce up to be a guest host on SNL (à la this post) The announcement is made, and everyone’s like “oh this is going to be a disaster. That man can’t even hold eye contact or speak a full sentence without crying.”

But oh, that’s why it’s so funny.

Now, hear me out. Bruce’s strengths are displayed best when he’s himself. That’s why he’s so popular in Gotham. That’s why the internet calls him Relatable TM and a Disaster (Affectionate) and “Poor Little Meow Meow.” It’s his ✨ essence ✨

But he tends to get overwhelmed or self-conscious onstage, right? Because he can’t be Himself himself if he has time to overthink something. So after a few meetings with Bruce, the writers of SNL figure out the perfect way to keep Bruce from getting anxious.

They decide to load this episode with as many skits where Bruce plays different caricature-like versions of himself as possible. The objective? Make him break character and laugh so he doesn’t overthink. And if he breaks character, he’ll still technically be in character because he’s playing himself, you know? Genius.

So that’s how they go about structuring the show. During the few days they have to write, they decide to take everything about Bruce’s public image and either ramp it up to 11 or turn it on its head.

He speaks quietly? Turn it into a running gag. He dresses in all black? Make him emo. He tips well? Add that in too. He’s “depressed” and “sad?” Literally, all he does on screen is laugh and break character. What’s not to love?

Of course, Bruce also gets to decide what skits are in each episode as well. (Refer to this if you have no idea how SNL works.) He loves the idea, though, and he has a surprisingly dark sense of humor which bleeds into some of the sketches. They add in a few skits without him, and they’ve got their lineup.

It’s the wildest episode of the season. Here are the highlights:

OPENING MONOLOGUE

It’s the big night, everyone’s excited to see Bruce Wayne hosting a live sketch comedy show with no idea how it will turn out.

To begin his monologue, Bruce walks on, opens his mouth to start talking, and immediately two cast members appear as stagehands to set up six microphones in front of him. He is already struggling to keep himself together.

Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m host- Cast Member: *adds one more tiny microphone to his chest* Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m hosting tonight.”

It’s working. The audience loves it.

Halfway through, Kate McKinnon comes out in a dark cloak with a chalice. “Your sustenance, my lord.” *sees camera* “Oh. Sorry. Carry on.” And she shambles off. Bruce has to take a second before continuing.

Bruce knows when (most of) the jokes come. It’s literally on the cue cards, but he still falls into a fit of giggles.

There are a few more gags, including Lex Luthor peeking out from behind the band set-up, all teasing the show to come.

Overall, an amazing way to set the tone for the episode. Expectations have been set. Then the skits begin!

(Oh but before I forget: During every single live skit with Bruce, the writers have scheduled for one of the cast members to run in dressed as a stagehand and put an extra mic on him. They do not tell him when it will happen.)

SKIT #1

Between the monologue and the first skit, he has to do a really fast quick change, but to everyone’s surprise, Bruce is a natural. (Huh, wonder why.)

The skit is called Gotham PTA Meeting. We open in a meeting room full of stereotypical PTA moms setting down baked goods and gossiping. And apparently, there is a new PTA member attending today 👀

Right as the meeting starts, he enters. Bruce walks in wearing the most emo get-up imaginable. He’s got a Nirvana shirt, a comical amount of eyeliner, black skinny jeans, chain accessories, metal rings, AND a clip-in extension to give him fringe.

Someone immediately runs in and puts another mic on him.

PTA Mom: “Oh, Bruce! You made it! Did you bring a snack?” Bruce: “I brought lemon bars.” PTA Mom: “Why are they black?” Bruce: “They match my soul…they’re also vegan.”

He talks like a moody teenager. HE CONSTANTLY has to brush the fringe off to the side to read the cue cards. And because there’s so much eyeliner and he’s sweating a bit from the lights, it starts running everywhere.

PTA Mom: “Bruce, you’re a little quiet. What are your thoughts on increasing the school lunch budget?” Bruce: *eyeliner dripping down his chin* “I think it’s a great idea.”

SKIT #2

For a pre-filmed skit, they bring back the Chad character with Pete Davidson.

It’s 2 am, and Chad is working at a 24hr drug store in Gotham. He’s reading Twilight (the book is upside down) when the lights begin to flicker.

He turns around and tries the light switch, turns back around, and JUMPSCARE it’s Bruce dressed as Edward from Twilight.

Yes, he IS sparkly.

Bruce is awkwardly holding a bunch of items, all concerning. He plops down a few knives, several raw meats, Sudafed. Chad: “Oh hey.” Bruce: O_O “I’d like to check out please.” Chad: “Lit.”

Chad’s “No Fucks Given” energy and Bruce’s “Please Do Not Perceive Me” energy clash like titans. The whole skit centers around it.

Bruce: *sweating bullets* “Oh. You’re reading Twilight?” Chad: “Just the title.” Bruce: *throws the book through the window at lightning speed* “It’s not very good. You should probably read something else.” Chad: *shrugs* “Okay.”

Chad: “ID?” Bruce: “ID? For what?” Chad: “Sudafed.” Bruce: “Oh. I don’t really need that, actually.” Chad: “Already scanned it.” Bruce: “Haha. Of course.” *awkwardly produces a scroll from his pocket that says Bruce Wayne DOB: 1901* Chad: “Okay.”

Bruce checks out, Chad picks up a porno mag or something, and we see Bruce turn into a bat and fly off through the window behind him.

SKIT #3

The next skit they have is Celebrity Family Feud: Billionaires Edition. Again, Bruce plays himself, but he’s more of a background character. Instead, the skit makes fun of billionaires as a whole.

Bruce’s team consists of Kylie Jenner, Lex Luthor, and Oliver Queen. So just imagine three Lucille Bluths standing beside one another. 

Bruce’s bit? He just keeps handing cash to Steve Harvey every time he breathes in his direction.

Host: "We got the richest man in the world: Bruce Wayne!" Bruce: *hands him a roll of cash* Host: "Oh, what’s this for?" Bruce: "It’s your tip. I always tip." Host: "Oh, Mr. Wayne, you don’t usually tip the show host. I’m also a millionaire myself." Lex Luthor: *snatches it* "Well, if you’re not going to use it, I will…for charity, of course." Host: "Uh huh, whatever helps you sleep at night."

Just a ton of fun quips, the usual.

At some point, Harvey says, “That’s batty.” Bruce: *ducks* “Where?!” Host: “Oh, I don’t mean Batman. He’s not here.” Bruce: “You don’t know that.”

This time, the mic bit is a bit different.

Host: “We asked 100 billionaires: How much does a loaf of bread cost? Top three answers are on the board.” Bruce: *hits buzzer* Host: Bruce, your answer is? Cast Member: *runs in with a megaphone and holds it in front of Bruce* Bruce: “TEN DOLLARS?”

Board dings! That was the #1 answer

Brucie Wayne for the win

SKIT #4

Next is a skit that dares to ask Gotham, “Why would anyone live here?”

The skit begins with someone opening a press conference for Wayne Enterprises. “And now presenting: Bruce Wayne!” Bruce walks in…

But it’s not him. Instead, it’s one of the cast members dressed in a black suit with horribly gelled brown hair.

Everyone in the audience is wondering where the actual Bruce is before another cast member runs onstage crying, “Help! Help! I’ve just been robbed! Somebody call Batman!”

A mini version of the bat-signal lights up…

We hear some generic hero music play…

And there he is: Bruce Wayne dressed in a horribly cheap Batman costume

(They got the cowl ALL wrong btw)

Bruce puts his hands on his hips in a weird superhero pose. Bruce: “I’m Batm-” Cast Member: *runs out to attach another mic to his costume* Bruce: “….I’m Batman!”

Cue all of the gags and digs against Batman. The fake Bruce faints then starts crying under a table. Someone calls Batman a furry. Bruce is barely keeping it together the whole time. Lord help him, but he asked for it. He approved the skit.

Bruce: “Looks like a job for my bat taser!” Cast Member: “Isn’t that just a taser with a bat on it?” Bruce: *whispers* “You shut your mouth.”

He saves the day, the police take the thief into custody, then Batman myStErioUsly disappears. Bruce: “Look over there!” *runs off* Cast Member: “Oh my gooood, how did he do that?”

CLOSING SEGMENT

Finally, they have the Weekend Update where Bruce comes on as himself for the final time.

Since they got his permission, the writers switch out some of Bruce’s jokes last minute. (Think Bill Hader’s Stefon which notoriously caused him to break character because the writers would mess with his cue cards.)

News Anchor: “Here to promote his newest humanitarian project: Bruce Wayne!” “Mr. Wayne, what a pleasure to see you today.” Bruce: “Thank you. This is probably the longest I’ve been out of the house.” News Anchor: “Since the Riddler catastrophe?” Bruce: “Since ever.”

News Anchor: “So Mr. Wayne! Before you make your announcement, any life updates?” Bruce: “Yes, actually. Just a few days ago, I adopted five- *starts losing it* five more children.” News Anchor: “Wow, really? So you have eight kids now.” Bruce: “Uh huh. *tears streaming down his face* One more orphan and I get the tenth one free.”

News Anchor: “So where can people find you online?” Bruce: “Well, I don’t have social media because I’m afraid of people, but sometimes I’m on Twitter.” News Anchor: “What about a phone call?” Bruce: “Oh no, phone calls- *giggle* phone calls give me fainting spells.”

It’s a great way of finishing the show, with the most genuine version of Bruce. Then, he gets to what’s really important!

News Anchor: “So if they can’t reach you on social media or on the phone, what else can our viewers do, Mr. Wayne?” Bruce: “They can donate to the Wayne Foundation’s newest charity called The Arts Initiative. It funds programs for the arts in underdeveloped school districts nationwide. I’ve already donated $30 million, and I’ve pledged to match every dollar donated within the next week.”

And that’s what he’s here for :) They share a link for where and how to donate. The anchors praise him for his charity, which he deflects because he can definitely afford this, and the 90-minute broadcast is over.

The camera pans away with the whole cast waving goodbye, and Bruce is seen keeling over with laughter.

Along with some of the other skits, these four specifically go viral. WE raises a fuck ton of money, and everyone loves Bruce.

THE END

LOVE YOU ALL!! Let me know what you think :D

[daceydeath]

After Party

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader Word Count: 0.7K Genre: Smut 🔞 Warnings: 18+, MDNI, Explicit Activities, Swearing, Alcohol

A/N: This is literally come from seeing Hyunjin be too damn fine at the Versace show I have no excuse other than it's his own fault.

You had seen him at the show, his beauty accentuated by the sultry unbuttoned silk shirt and thin black choker but avoided him, sitting far from him you had managed to stay mostly out of his sight as he mingled and participated in interviews after the show. Now changed into a less structured dress you hoped that you would have the same luck at the party you were now stepping into. The drinks flowing and the music loud you were able to see glimpses of him as he danced his red leather trench flashing brightly as he moved. But as you drank and laughed your caution dropped you found yourself exactly where he wanted you to be. Your back pressed against a door you dress hitched up around your waist as his hands wandered across your burning skin.

“Hyunjin, we need to stop” you breathed, the warning lacking any conviction as you continued to kiss his lips between words. “You know we can’t”.

“Is that really what you want darling?” he smirked, kissing you deeply as swallowing the small gasp you let escape your throat. His fingers moved your underwear aside to let his fingers trace your damp folds. “You still can’t just admit you are mine and not his”.

His coat had been dropped to the floor somewhere behind him he had let go of it the moment he had cornered you in the empty room, now with his black trousers undone enough to get them halfway down his thighs he roughly sheathed himself inside you you eyes opening wide as you silently cried out his hips not stopping to give you even a second to adjust before he began thrusting into you with harsh desperation.

"Hyunie" you whined brokenly, your breath being punched out of you with each movement of his cock. "Please, I can’t…". 

"Tell me to stop then" He strained his voice thin "Tell me you don't want my cock so deep inside you, you will never forget how it feels". You clenched and moaned, your head falling back against the door, your brain starting to fog with pleasure too much to even comprehend how to speak.

"Ah... Ngh... Hyunjin" you breathed unable to make a sentence of even two words while his lips and tongue work on your neck nipping and sucking lightly at your flesh. “Please, more”.

"That's what I thought, you will always be mine darling" he uttered sensually moving his lips to mesh with yours, his tongue licking into your mouth which you were so willing to allow. Feeling the tip of his cock brushing against your cervix was sending red hot tendrils of pleasure through your body forcing you to pull him in closer with your leg that had remained tightly wrapped around his hip when he had placed it earlier.

"Fuck I need you so bad" Hyunjin groaned against your lips "Need to fill you, breed you, own you". His words were making you spiral the already insane level of pleasure from his perfect length pounding into you was sending you hurtling toward your high. Your thighs twitched and your eyes blurred with unshed tears until finally you broke, cuming so hard around him that his hips stuttered as your walls fluttered and gripped him so tightly you thought you might pass out.

"Hyunnie... Fuck Hyunnie" you sobbed feeling him resuming his previous pace each time he pressed into you the dull ache that followed him making you squirm in his grip.

"Relax darling I got you" he soothed his heavy panting against you neck slowing the speed of his hips and letting you breathe your vision is hazy now white dots appearing around the edges of the room but Hyunjin just kisses you again his lips soft and comforting contrasting in the best way to how he's pounding into your sopping cunt. "Only mine darling, only ever mine".

Each word leaving you shivering and gasping as you cum again only this time after a few more thrust Hyunjin follows you filling you with his hot seed as he presses himself as deep as he can inside your quaking walls.

"Hyunnie I..." You whisper, unable to trust your voice to come out properly.

"I know darling, I love you too. I always will" he smiles against your lips before kissing them sweetly.

a/n: Thank you for reading my loves you support, likes, reblogs and comments are my greatest encouragements and I appreciate you endlessly for them.

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz @armystay89 @damnyouficc @roamingpolar

@tara-skyhold @bakedlilgoonie @krishastumblernow @mrsseals16 @fawnpeaks

@leeknowinggg @tanzen-ist-gold @uno7 @ocean-dreamer-sky-chaser

[traegorn]

Do you have any tips for how to write a book? My husband thinks I should write the shitty wicca hallmark romcoms I want to see in the world and I think I might actually try

Plot your structure ahead of time. I'm not a panster -- I'm very much of the perspective that you'll have less to clean up in the edit if you plan out your entire book ahead of time. So this is how I write.

Like I like to start by writing down everything I know about the story -- characters, setting, etc -- and making a story bible to refer back to. You'll add to this as you go too. It's easiest to remember what color a random character's eyes are if you put it in a side document.

Then write a synopsis of your story. Like under a thousand words, but have it break down your entire plot, motivations, etc. That way you know where things are going before you start. Now, you can change this as you go if the way your characters end up doesn't jive with your original plan. I rewrote the synopsis for Shadowcasting about halfway through because one of the major characters just felt different than she did in my original plan, and her changed motivations shifted a lot of the events of the story.

Then comes your chapter by chapter outline, pacing out rising action, climax, etc. by breaking down the whole thing. I number the chapters and write a brief two or three sentence synopsis about what happens in that chapter.

And then, once I have that document, I start writing the actual text chapter by chapter from the beginning.

I don't write romance, so I don't know the genre well enough to give advice on mapping out the kind of thing your audience expects -- but if you read a lot of that genre, you probably already know that bit by now. But make a plan, know the tropes (and which ones you want to use, which ones you want to avoid, and which ones you want to subvert), and then execute it. The hard work is getting the actual text down.

And then, once you finish a draft? Put it in a metaphorical drawer and don't look at it for a week.

You want to let yourself forget it.

Then, open it back up and start your first set of revisions -- read through the thing and start cleaning up language and fix any structural issues you missed. At this point I've done things like re-ordered entire sections of the book -- the fight at the church in Bloody Damn Rite happened at a completely different point in the original draft, and the party Riley attends with Carson wasn't even in the first draft.

Then set it back down for a week.

When you open it back up you look for continuity errors, and go through the whole novel again. Then put it back down for another week, and when you open it back up you'll go through it again to fix language.

You're going to be doing that a lot, putting it down, fixing a more granular thing, and then repeating the cycle getting smaller and smaller each time. And then finally, you'll have a book.

If you're submitting to publishers, this is where you stop and start that whole process (which I know little about because I chose not to pursue that route). If you're self publishing and you work with an editor, this'll be the time you get them involved. If you want beta readers, this will be when they take a look too.

And then you should probably make more changes. If you're not hiring an editor, I recommend letting it sit again and doing a few more passes. Also, this is where a self publishing person has to do the work of formatting the interior (please get your front matter right like copyright page and title page), and either contracting a cover designer or doing it yourself. For my comics I do my own covers, for my novels I hire a graphic designer.

But eventually, at the end, you'll be ready to send this into the world.

And then the hard part starts: Getting anyone to read it.

Good luck.

[ganondoodle]

totk rewritten (for me, specifically)

since i dont have time to get to drawing it right away AND im worried people might take this the wrong way, i thought i could write out some bullet points about my rewrite of totk (meant as a fix FOR ME not saying its inherently better) to give you a better idea on what im going for:

the core structure largely remains the same, the biggest change is no time travel, thus making zelda your travel companion, and zonau tech being lagerly gone/broken with shiekah tech instead

it is not shown but said in dialog that shiekah tech, such as the ancient furnaces, shrines and towers are either turning off or have flickering power supply and purah having calculated that all their connections point towards beneath hyrule castle

game starts pretty much the same as real totk, most zonau ruins are so withered away that they are barely recognizable and the further you get down theres more and more shiekah tech pipes and occasional a miasma vein, some pipes are broken and spill miasma, others flicker

instead of the room with the wall carvings theres one with old ancient shiekah research remains, old broken tech and prototypes you dont what their purpose was, all documents are too withered to read but zelda finds one that was sealed in a container and takes it with her (she got a backpack now)

theres a structure similar to the bed thingy of the shrine of life from botw but its working in reverse; within it is sealed ganondorf (i gotta work out the details around it still)

(details still missing) it breaks and zelda takes the enigma stone but doesnt touch it directly and puts it within a sealed container (you know kinda like you should do with soemthing you have no idea of what it is and was alsO LOCATED ON A CORPSE)

ganondorf isnt the elegantly talking villain type in this version but more of a mess, talking in different languages both modern and ancient but you cant make out any clear sentences, struggeling with suddendly being awake and half alive after spending thousands of years in an agonizing limbo, having witnessed every second of the passage of time yet also it feeling like everything just happened all at the same time

the ground breaks as he recognizes zelda (bc of her fighting calamity ganon in botw) but also not really, still sees her as a threat (also bc of the enigma stone in the container she still has in her hand) attacks her, link deflects with the master sword, it breaks and damages his arm, zelda drops her torch and pulls link away towards where they came in from and both run as the caves fill up with miasma like a flood with arms starting to reach after them while they both run back through the tunnels (creepy chase sequence anyone?)

cataclysm happens (ground breaks, miasma bursts out of the ground, especially where shrines and towers where since they were still connected to the pipelines) ground shifts massively in some places giving alot of the map a whole new structure; all shiekah tech that was not independent stops working due to power loss

links arm is amputated since otherwise the miasma would spread to his whole body; purah, robbie and zelda work out a prosthetic arm prototype to give to link (protoype at first will be upgraded at halfway point of the game) that can switch between multiple modes, like a hand to hold normal items or a weapon that isnt crafted, and a fusing ability (though maybe limited in the prototype) that lets you make weapons similar to the weapon fusing in canon totk (potential upgrades including an extendable guardian arm that doesnt break, grapple hook anyone??, also the ability to build stuff out of shiekah tech parts, not glue needed you actually screw it together, maybe zelda even helps)

now you are given free roam of hyrule, the goal is to explore and find what has changed and check on people, see what the underground has, new monsters have spawned etc.

zelda is your companion the whole time, she can use the shiekah stone/purah pad to analyze enemies for you, she also carries at least a dagger for her own self defense but doesnt contribute much to the fight (subject to change maybe), you can talk to her anytime and she usually has something to comment on depending on where you are or what you just did, can give you tips and advice IF ASKED FOR IT, when you discover ancient ruins, whether zonau or shiekah, she can either decipher it for you or take photos for later to find out more about everything that has happend and what it means, she also takes part in conversations when you talk to someone, her outfit changes with yours (meaning when you wear the tingle set she wears it too, opens up alot of funny interactions njfkdk)

purah has built new towers but they function different (still working on the details) mainly that they function independent from the energy source in hyrule castle

there are floating islands but they are bigger and in more connected clusters, when reaching them its ancient withered ruins that the ancient shiekah built support around (like the platform used by monk miz kyoshia) to keep them afloat; there are building like observatories and research labs, but all very overgrown due to being up there for so long, theres a titan prototype on one of the islands, its shaped like a whale and zelda deciphers it was called vah narisha (reference to the whale deity in skyward sword) (i havent decided yet if its fully broken and just a big piece of enviroment to explore or half functioning floating around, or maybe first broken but later half repaired so it can fly around at least giving you an easier way to reach other island, you cant steer it tho) some of them are falling bc of energy loss but the bigger ones have independent energy sources (work in progress)

the underground has more diverse zones depending on which part of the map it is located on, there are old mines (for luminous stone) from the zonau but all is extremely withered, in each one its been mostly built over by the shiekah but there are construct remains that were clearly dissected and studied, half built shrines and towers, you can find collectibles and lore there (working on more details, but an idea was to include remains of ancient shiekah tha fled there when they were persecuted by that old king of hyrule, adding to the eery vibe)

some titans (maybe two, and the other are still on the sruface, like vah medoh) feel down during the cataclysm, broken apart or malfunctioning/ possibly being a boss as in they were used by a big cluster of miasma hands like a hermit crab uses its shell, the inside filled with eyes and different sized hands dragging itself towards you like a drowing man grabs after anything to save him)

dongos are your go to transportation here and a little different, when you call one they dig a path to you (not permanent, just so they can always spawn near you) they glow in the dark and can climb on walls (bc why not), and can point you towards the next objective/point of interest, likely where theres a high concentration of luminous stone since that is what they eat and its usually where old mining/construction sites are (still working on a replacement for light roots that are less invasive)

the rat from the trailer is a miniboss/boss you need to defeat in order to get the broken mastersword back into your possession

(im still working on how the sages work, but the idea is to incorporate their abilites for more efficient and reliable use into links shiekah prosthetic, so you can still use their abilities but only when you actually want)

(again still working on details) halfway point of the game is you trying to find out where ganondorf went, not intending to fight necessarily but just to find out more but it devolves into you fighting some sort of miasma monster (either him or some sort of manifestation he made) and you get a bunch of short memory flashes from him, all vague and a wild mess from both the time he was sealed and from the time afterwards, maybe even a perspective shift from when link was fighting dark beast ganon, but from ganons view, from zelda when she was keeping that manifestation in check, random views from the malice eyes from botw, from the blights, maybe even from the fight with the old and new champions, from the point when shiekah built their tech around him while he had to watch not able to do anything etc.)

links arm gets upgraded from prototype to a full prosthetic, opening up more fusing abilites and other things (like the grapple hook, again working on it, im open for ideas lol)

i will reblog this and add more over time if you want, but do let me know if you like it thus far, bc im still unsure if its worth the effort of working more on this QnQ

(also if you dont like just keep scrolling, i dont need to know that you hate it, it literally changes nothing but make me annoyed xD)

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/30/2024

most annoying book i've read so far this year under the jump

listening

a lovely polyrhythmic instrumental piece with previously-featured tuesdaysong artist, terrifying master of the cello, abel selaocoe. this is very textured and kind of scrubs at the inside of my skull in a pleasing way. like the kind of back scrubber you can buy with a bamboo handle and the long soft bristles. popped up on my recent releases playlist from spotify.

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reading

really fucking pissed about this book and i am not able to be reasonable about it. i was really thrown, much like the fantasy prince's mother from her carriage as she was being chased by regency gossip reporters, that this was a prince harry/meghan markle RPF AU. i am a bit uncomfy about the fact that our female lead, the fantasy AU meghan markle, is some flavor of fantasy Gaelic instead of fantasy mixed-race. now, i have no particular moral or physical beef with RPF but i don't typically seek it out. but/also/and, much like works about marilyn monroe, i think works with the specter of princess diana are in poor taste. can we leave these women alone maybe

i got about halfway through the book before this revelation and didn't really feel like it succeeded at much of anything it was trying to do. oddly informal and choppy, like it was originally intended as a contemporary romance with some urban magic and changed to regency in a late draft. this is combined with some fairly weak prose: more simple sentence structure than i would expect in a book for young adults, far too many proper nouns, and a lack of interest in showing not telling.

i straight up don't understand why the leads are attracted to each other if she keeps making very public mistakes and he's a rude cunt. i have read other books (most recently the t kingfisher books) where someone grows to love a very gruff or taciturn man, but it takes time and mutual trust and an effort on both sides, none of which happen here. the core conflict is duty to family in all its various forms vs the heart wants what the heart wants. the conflict is not much of a conflict, though, because characters come to realizations within three sentences of confronting them and then vocalize them with therapyspeak. someone literally pats someone else's hand and goes, "It's hard, I know." the author mercifully did not describe the sad little pursed sympathy mouth but i'm sure it was there.

i'm also deeply annoyed with how this author chose to go about characterization. while the character concepts are people i would love to meet in a ttrpg, it feels very concerned about Good Representation and it makes everyone feel very wooden. i think when you put together characters from a list of various oppressions and disabilities it starts feeling like a grownup version of a children’s ensemble show meant to sell little blind box figurines. here is the Chronically Ill one, and her color is pink! here is the Addicted one, and his color is green! here is the Goth and Depressed one, and her color is black with some bones! here is the Gay one who was once badly hurt by the Addicted one, and we don’t care enough about him to give him a color! here is the superficially fantasy-Jewish one, and we don’t care enough about her to give her a color or an action figure either!

while normally i would love to read a book with two! TWO! canonically bisexual leads of different genders! this book is written for the "folx" spectrum of gays instead of the "fags" part of the spectrum and it strays very close to a modern morality tale for me.

this popped up on a list of books with bi leads i think, but if it was here or on libby i cannot remember.

anyway! fucking hated this one.

pleasantly surprised these came in back to back off my holds lists, bc they are about the perfumer Grace and Grace's former landlord, the spy Marguerite. my favorite of these Saint of Steel series is still the one with the werebear nun. i have nothing to complain about these books and not much to say about them either. they were such a delightful and competent change of pace after the annoyance of the previously discussed book.

oh i loved these. oh i LOOOOOOVED these. how the fuck does novik do it. she is so good at capturing the very specific feel of a grandpa military historical novel. except with dragons. i love these in the same way i know i will love the patrick o'brien books if i ever get around to reading them. i was a navy brat and unfortunately this is fucking catnip to me. truly i have inherited all my father's tastes

-

watching

largely fallow week. i don't have anything particularly great to say about The Bad Batch, but when have i ever. have not caught up with dunmeishi bc my siblings have once again inadvertently locked me out of the netflix account i pay for. considering a vpn for many reasons but watching netflix and watching porn (the state of texas does not want me or anyone else to watch porn within her borders) are the two big reasons for. idk. cashing out the paltry cash-back credit card rewards and coughing them up for a vpn. vpn opinions welcomed, i know most of them are straight garbage

-

playing

i straight up ran out of money in genshin, which is pretty hard to do since they're pretty generous with it? i have spent several million in-game currency on leveling up neuvilette (i am so so so happy to not have to collect any fucking starfish mats for him anymore [mats are different materials you have to collect or buy in-game in order to level up a character. very grindy most of the time]). anyway i am now scrabbling around for the last couple chests and puzzles i marked on my map in fontaine. i haven't bothered with grinding for his specific boosting artifacts or leveling up his talents all the way yet but this is really not shabby. i have the bad habit of completely levelling up all my 5-stars and then ignoring them until i need them for a specific fight or a specific level of the monthly..battle royale puzzle? i don't really know how to describe the abyss. anyway when i do eventually need his pretty intense water AOE attacks i will frantically grind for his talent mats. right now we're grinding for other things thanks

this latest update contains both the best and worst new areas so far. the underwater lost city of Remuria is a fuckin banger. gorgeous. incredible puzzles. very fun music-based quest line with new abilities and giant whale. however, im kind of disappointed by the new coastline area in the map: there is pretty much nothing there. almost no interactable plants to harvest, very few enemies, almost no chests. i get that they are focusing their time and attention on the new underwater area everyone will be focusing on (killer, btw, super dense and great use of vertical space). very lore-heavy expansion, sort of what if atlantis was a bit roman-inspired and also. hold on. wait a second.

sorry this has just occurred to me at 10:21 PM on Monday night as im drafting this but oh my god are the fucking fontanians the Sea Peoples of the bronze age collapse. this is hysterically funny lore if true. im going to have to go back and reread a lot of the environmental storytelling notes but oh my GOD that's extremely funny if true. genshin has some of the most batshit lore of any game ive ever played and im so sad that so few game journos are focusing on it.

where was i. leveling up characters in legally-not-france who may or may not be descendants of the sea peoples. i often find myself leveling up characters in genshin not based on how useful they are to the party but by how fun the bosses i need to fight for their mats are? for example: neuvilette is a water-based AOE character with not a lot of on-field time. however this big electric seahorse, whose antlers i need to level him up, is really fun to fight and i can knock it out in about thirty seconds.

-

making

my sister's birthday is tomorrow! my birthday package to her was kind of heavy on stupid little trinkets and art books and not very much like. homemade? so i cranked out a little sampler. it's framed i promise i simply forgot to take a picture of it framed. about 3"x3", slightly adapted from a piece in Julie Jackson's Subversive Cross Stitch. i do think the F and C turned out way better (or at least the backstitching stands out way more) but hey. sometimes you need to hastily stitch a gift with the limited colors you have on hand

[kodaloveschris]

Unscripted Joy: A Day of Filming with Chris Sturniolo

Sunlight streamed through the windows of the Sturniolo brothers' cozy living room, painting patterns of warmth on the familiar furnishings. Today was a special day—they were filming a fun challenge video together, and Chris couldn't contain his excitement. But amidst the flurry of activity, he had forgotten something crucial: his ADHD medication.

As they set up the cameras and adjusted the lighting, Chris's energy was infectious. He bounced around, ideas flowing faster than he could voice them, his enthusiasm lighting up the room. Matt and Nick exchanged amused glances, fondly accustomed to Chris's animated nature.

"Alright, Chris, let's start with the intro," Matt said with a smile, trying to channel Chris's boundless energy into a structured start.

Chris nodded eagerly, his words spilling out in a rapid stream as he outlined the concept with animated gestures. He moved from one idea to the next, his excitement palpable and contagious.

Halfway through filming, Matt noticed a change in Chris's demeanor—a slight restlessness and an inability to stay focused on one task. He exchanged a knowing look with Nick, who nodded in understanding.

"Hey, Chris," Matt interjected gently, stepping closer to his younger brother. "Are you feeling okay? You seem... a little scattered."

Chris paused mid-sentence, blinking as if brought back to reality. He glanced around, suddenly noticing the scattered props and half-finished setups. "I... I think so," he replied uncertainly, his brows furrowing in confusion.

Nick, always perceptive, approached with a comforting smile. "Did you forget to take your meds today, Chris?" he asked softly, his tone gentle and understanding.

Realization dawned on Chris's face as he considered Nick's question. His shoulders slumped slightly, a mix of disappointment and guilt washing over him. "I think I did," he admitted reluctantly, his voice tinged with regret.

Matt placed a reassuring hand on Chris's shoulder, his expression warm and reassuring. "It's okay, Chris," he reassured him gently. "Let's take a breather and regroup."

They took a break from filming, gathering in their cozy living room. Chris sat down, taking deep breaths to calm his racing thoughts. Matt and Nick surrounded him with words of encouragement and support, their presence a soothing balm to his unsettled mind.

"Thanks, guys," Chris said gratefully, a soft smile spreading across his face. "I really appreciate you both."

After a short interlude, they resumed filming with a more relaxed and structured approach. Matt and Nick gently guided Chris through the rest of the shoot, helping him stay focused and organized. They took frequent breaks to keep Chris grounded and refreshed, turning what could have been a chaotic session into a joyful and productive day of filming.

As they wrapped up the video, Chris felt a deep sense of gratitude for his brothers' unwavering support. Despite the challenges of managing his ADHD, he knew he could always rely on Matt and Nick to be there for him, making every moment together a special and cherished memory.

[screemnch]

The Pathologic Russian and English analysis: Bachelor Daniil Dankovsky Part 2.

I've decided that whenever I go to have my psychiatric evaluation, I'm gonna show them these series of mini-essays. The things we do... Anyway, here's the second half of my prickly prick analysis, this time from our precious miracle worker!

As the Changeling: the Bachelor in this campaign is actually a lot more consistent in between the English and Russian versions - he’s a lot meaner, condescending and all we know and love him for, so to speak. In terms of formality, he almost always refers to Clara using the informal “you,” which is understandable - she is a child, and someone who he doesn’t hold in high regard. His mannerisms, unlike in the Haruspex run, don’t change halfway through the narrative, which can be attributed to many different things - the fact that in the Haruspex run Eva survives and so Dankovsky never has to deal with the guilt of her death, for example. Or maybe the idea that he constantly treats Clara’s abilities with scepticism and doesn’t see her as crucial to the fulfilment of his plans, almost viewing her as disposable. Whatever it is, the manner of speech is very similar to how it is in the first half of the Haruspex run - you’ve got your little filler words, diminutives, rough words and an informal but deliberate sentence structure. There is a lot more frustration in his dialogues with Clara, which can be explained by the idea that he is literally out for blood for half of the game.

Overall, I was a little sad to see how many dialogue options just lead to the exact same thing via different routes, so there won’t be as many notes here as I’d like there to be. That being said, I’ve already started gathering material for the Changeling section of the analysis. Additionally, with the repetitive nature of Clara’s campaign, I’d like to preemptively say that I’ve done my best to put these in chronological order, but I make no promises on accuracy. That being said - here are some things that I wanted to specifically point out.

This line is just… Riddled with curious differences. For one, instead of psychics, Dankovsky says that it’s bad enough that half the town is, specifically, “telepaths” which is… Interesting. And incorrect, which is probably why they changed it when translating. He then goes on to say “And those that aren’t, are extrasensory!” which is much closer to “psychic” than “faith healers.” In Russia, the term “экстрасенс” (read quite literally as “extra-sense”) refers to a person with any kind of psychic ability. Though you’ll mostly find it on shitty TV shows nowadays, and it feels a bit anachronistic to use it here, the term was first used in 1979, so hey, it could potentially make sense? Finally, the line itself is riddled with exasperated little words, which makes me really happy that I pointed it out when looking through the Haruspex dialogues. The last sentence especially conveys a certain urgency that kinda seems gone in the English version. There’s no presumption. Adding the whole “I presume” was probably a way to try and emulate this urgency in English, but it ended up being more of a “wow, the Bachelor is expecting people to do as he says” which is true, but the focus of the sentence is on the “can.” Something more like “Does that mean you can do this?” And also they cut out the exclamation mark in the first sentence, which I guess just doesn’t work in English orthography.

I… Don’t know what to think of this translation. Let’s be transparent here - the closest way to properly translate the last sentence in this line is to face the facts that Dankovsky would sound like the crazy beggar woman from Sweeney Todd - “Diabolic, diabolic…” he says. And while imps and devils can very well be used as curse words in Russian, this, surprisingly, is not one of those instances. In this case, I imagine the translators chose to go for the most straightforward translation. Like having someone say “Damn…” and the translation being “This displeases me greatly!” Which I think is hilarious, but also hopefully helps bridge the gap between the two versions.

Ok. What the fuck. This is the line in the Changeling route where Clara has to stay overnight at the Stillwater and the Bachelor is all like “Eva’s probably going to hand herself in to the inquisitor and we’re gonna go and save her tomorrow” except take a look at the Russian version. See anything different? See the exclamation marks? I feel like the translation team was so hellbent on making Dankovsky the prickliest prick on the block, that they forgot that he actually gives a damn about Eva. Like, there’s an urgent tone, and air of accusation in the way these sentences are formulated to portray someone who actually cares about the fate of the person he’s been living with for the past week. The Bachelor in Russian isn’t taking no for an answer in this case, because he actually cares. English Bachelor? Honestly, sounds like he’s pissed at Eva for trying to help him. Do not appreciate.

I feel it’s important to emphasise the difference in sentiment here. The way this line is said in English sounds very distant, indignant. It’s something I’ve found with a lot of Bachelor’s lines and I’m beginning to suspect that it may just be because Russian is my native language, so I just see it as more personal, but idk. In the English version it feels like the Bachelor is just considering the possibility of saving a person (which, by the way, with how much of an ass Daniil has been to Clara is a very interesting 180) but in Russian he sounds a lot more determined, a lot more focused on the “saving” part. In a clunkier, but more literal translation, the line would be “If not Simon, then I’ll take at least you away from this miracle-rich hole.” He’s still caught up in Simon’s death, and he feels like it's his duty to help at least someone out of the place that has done nothing but get in his way (when he arrived here expecting it to help him) so uh… Once again coming for the head of whoever said Dankovsky has no heart.

So uh… See, it’s funny because… Well, in English this string of dialogue doesn’t exactly make sense to me. What’s not to get, Clara? The Haruspex has a bone to pick with the butchers, which might interfere with the Bachelor’s plans. The wording is pretty clear too, so where does the confusion come from? At this point Clara has most certainly seen a butcher, she knows what he’s talking about. But then if you think about it, the Russian phrasing of that last sentence is wildly different. See, the original phrase is “He’s not impartial to butchers too,” and let me tell you something fun about that choice of words. See, while being “not impartial” to someone may mean that you have your own agenda you’re trying to push, it does not imply having any sort of issues with the person. In fact, most Russians would use the words “not impartial” when talking about a romantic inclination. And while I’m not saying it’s the intention of the writers, by any means, but uh… When interpreting this interaction as Dankovsky saying something easily misinterpretable out of pocket and Clara just raising her hands and saying “I refuse to comprehend whatever you’ve just told me,” it makes a bit more sense to me personally, than Clara simply not being able to follow along.

In terms of being “as close to the original as possible” this line is probably one of the most far out lines. There are some lines that are translated word for word, and then there’s… This. Don’t get me wrong - that doesn’t mean it’s bad. I can actually understand exactly why these changes were made - it’s so that I would get to talk about them! The biggest difference would be in the way the Bachelor refers to Burakh in this line. In the Russian version he uses the word “леший” (Leshy) which is a word some of y’all may know from games like Inscryption and Cult of the Lamb. Leshy (quite literally means “of the woods”) is a mythical creature in Slavic folklore - an entity of the woods, the master of the forest, an overall neutrally aligned one. In some stories he confuses travellers and leads them in circles or abducts children, while in others he is a benevolent but protective figure that will help those who treat him with respect. I won’t go into too much detail, because this is Pathologic, not mythology hour, but I still think it’s a fun little tidbit of knowledge, considering who the Bachelor is talking about. That being said, in the English version he calls him a “sod” which is at least tangentially related to greenery and the like, which I think is funny. The other differences in this line are mostly in regards to sentence structure and don’t change the meaning much, so I won’t wax poetic about them.

I’m having a goddamn aneurysm. I’m shaking, crying, losing my mind. Why did this have to be translated like this? It’s just literally “My god!” in Russian. You can say that in English. You’re allowed. Or maybe like “Dear god!” If you wanna keep the faux shock element of the word. Why blimey? Why? I don’t get it. Someone please explain. Additionally, the whole “look who’s here” has a more condescending vibe of “Look who’s  decided to grace us with her presence.” So yeah. The prickly prick factor is back, babey.

The Bachelor is a lot sassier in this route. I didn’t see it as potently in the English version, I guess, because in Russian the overall vibe of this line is “A little bit… After all, you’re the only sinless person we’ve got.” Which I feel communicates both the jab, the Bachelor’s resentment towards Clara and how fed up he is with her literal “Holier than thou” rhetoric.

The Bachelor rejects the notion of love winning if the polyhedron is preserved. However, in the Russian version there is no “you lose” in this line, which I feel gives a different vibe to the interaction. In the English version it feels a little weird - why is the Bachelor trying to convince Clara to go with his plan by telling her that she loses? Is that meant to be effective? Who knows, but in the Russian version the actual phrasing is closer to “we win from you” which can mean two things: the first one being the whole “we win and you lose” interpretation. The other is - we win at your discretion. We win in your game. And I don’t know, I’m writing this at 2 am, but I feel like the other interpretation makes more sense for someone trying to be convincing.

I don’t understand why this was translated the way it is. I also have no recollection of when in the game this takes place and the dialogue itself offers very little context. The line itself however is… I don’t get it. I’ve always seen the word “darling” as a term used to either someone very close to you, or in an ironic sense. The term Dankovsky uses here, however is “cute creature” (cute being the literal meaning of the word, but in combination with the “creature” thing, it’s more akin to “dear” or “sweet”) which is a term of endearment used, at least from what I understand in literature, in reference to an innocent, gentle, feminine person. Some writers use that epithet to refer to their muse. It does not have the same vibe as “darling”; it's a lot more delicate, as if you were referring to a flower. And I don’t see where they got “darling” from that. Additionally, this is the only instance in which the Bachelor refers to Clara using a formal version of “you.”

And that’s about it for the Bachelor in the Changeling route. The main differences between this and the English version come from two factors: the specific words used, and the lack of exclamation marks. No kidding. The way Dankovsky refers to some things was just translated in a way where it conveys the purpose of what he’s trying to say, but the vibe becomes completely lost. It was interesting to see just how superstitious Daniil’s manner of speaking gets when he’s talking to Clara, given his scepticism - he refers to mythical creatures, silver bullets, and even his defence of the Polyhedron is a very… Spirited one. In other instances, the difference in terminology lessens whatever emotion the line is trying to convey. That, and the overall “tamer” use of exclamation marks removes a little bit of character from the Bachelor. He comes off as a lot more composed in English, with occasional outbursts of frustration. Just like in the first half of the Haruspex campaign, the Bachelor in the original version is a lot more impassioned, whether the emotions he is communicating are disgust or sympathy, conceit or regret. I mentioned it earlier, but it does really feel like in trying to make Dankovsky seem like a cold, pragmatic asshole, the translators accidentally took the bite out of a lot of his lines.

That being said, I want to make it clear that I’m not bashing the translation in any way. Most of these differences come from heavily made decisions, opting for either translating things literally, or trying to convey the essence but losing a few things on the way. Translators always have to deal with that choice. Even with the little experience I have with translating myself, I can understand that a lot of these things potentially could not have been translated any other way. You wouldn’t want to have to play a game where every dialogue option is followed by a footnote explaining what this specific choice of words means, and how to properly interpret them - the player’s experience is a part of the game’s design. How you understand the dialogue is also a part of the narrative, especially with how much deception is woven into the story. With all that in mind, I still feel it’s important to eventually illustrate exactly what the differences are, because not only do the way certain phrases are translated shine a new light on the author’s intentions, but additionally - some people might never find out otherwise. So uh… Yeah. Coming up in maybe yet another month, if not more - The Haruspex as seen by the other two Healers.

[aconstantstateofbladerunner]

How is your writing so good??

Beyond 15+ years of practice, I do a lot of close reading, or looking at the construction of different media. Technical things like sentence structure, word choice, paragraph flow, plot pacing, etc.; and Thematic things like characterization, worldbuilding, message, implication. Both influence one another bath and forth. You focus on the parts both within and without the context of the whole to understand how they work. Like analyzing why a certain line made you feel a certain way, and the tools the author used to create that sensation. How could you hope to emulate your favorite writers if you don’t first understand what makes them so good/why you like them in the first place? And when you understand the techniques, you can use them yourself.

It’s also great to use this when reading bad stuff, which i do recommend trying every now and then. Negative examples of what not to do are helpful as well. If you only ever read the same stuff you know you’ll like, your writing will almost certainly drift towards copying those; bad books give you ideas of what to avoid, making your path towards developing your own style a little clearer. It’s also a little easier to get the hang of close reading. Why does this dialogue feel so stifled? The narrator told us this character is lovable, but why don’t I love them? Why am I halfway through this book but it feels like only two plot points have happened so far?

Then you get into the next level: how do would I rewrite thing thing i don’t like into something i do with as few changes as possible? A lot of my stories, fic and original, were born from this thought exercise.

There is a lot more than just this, but in short: be pretentious, be a hater

[isagrimorie]

🖍 and 🛠 for the wip ask game?

From this writer’s WIP ask game

🖍Post Any sentence from your wip

So, I have…. six Captain Seven meets with Voyager crew in the Delta Quadrant WIPs and this is one of them…. longer than a sentence because I honestly don’t know when or if any of those stories will see the light of day.

——-

Seven was only a few feet ahead when there was an explosion and Seven was suddenly enveloped with light and smoke.

“Seven!”

There was a hacking cough and then: "Here!"

And out of the smoke stumbled Seven… or not Seven.

Seven entered and a different woman emerged except she wasn't random Janeway realized as the woman staggered out.

The ocular implant stood out, glinting in the low light, even with her hair covering her face.

The woman was Seven of Nine. Except she wasn’t their Seven.

Seven of Nine eyes widened. She looked puzzled, "Admiral, what are you doing here?" and then her knees buckled Janeway and Tuvok rushed forward and caught her halfway down.

“What is going on?”

Tuvok peered down at Seven, a changed, older Seven. Tuvok raised an eyebrow then looked back at Janeway. “Curious.”

Janeway spent no time ordering a transport directly to Sick bay, the Doctor took in the woman between them.

“Is that… Seven of Nine?” The Doctor asked in disbelief.

“You tell us,” Tuvok said.

Janeway grunted and said, “Preferably on a bio bed. We might not know who this is and not to be indelicate but she is definitely is as heavy as Seven is.”

Tritanium enhanced bone structure and implants on top of a deadweight was not an easy ask to carry, even with a Vulcan’s superior strength helping out.

The Doctor hurriedly helped lay the woman down on the bio bed.

The moment she was settled the Doctor proceeded to scan the woman.

Janeway stepped back and observed this woman. There were lines around her face, it gave Seven’s features so much character. She looked like she lived quite a life.

Janeway wasn’t used to seeing Seven’s hair out of her usual coiffed sytle. And the occipital implant looked well maintained but also its like her skin grew around her Borg implants, Janeway was reminded of a tree she once saw, someone had left a bicycle a century ago, and by the time she and Phoebe stumbled into the tree in the woods, the tree had absorbed the bicycleq, growing around it.

“Captain,” Tuvok said, calling Janeway’s attention. “I suggest we put a force field around this area.”

“You think she’s a danger?”

“I think it is prudent that we put a force field around a former Borg who looks like Seven but might not be Seven.”

“Do it,” Janeway ordered, when it comes to Borg, even with Seven, they learned the hard way that trusting also comes with a heavy abundance of verification. “With that said, Doctor, can you tell me who she is?”

"I don't know what to tell you, Captain, that is Seven of Nine, except judging from her physiology and Borg implants this woman is 20 years older." The Doctor made one last scan, “She has an abundance of Tachyon radiation and signs of smoke inhalation. Her nanoprobes still seemed to be intact with the way it’s working hard to fix some of her injuries.”

The Doctor moved away to a console and grabbed a hypospray. Janeway followed him, Tuvok already took a step back and established a force field.

"So this is Seven of Nine?" Janeway clarified. She was no stranger to anomalies playing havoc with her crew. A number of things could have happened, a lifetime lived in an eye blink is one of them.

"Yes, Captain, for all intents and purposes this is our Seven of Nine."

A sudden stabbing headache made itself known and Janeway started massaging her forehead with a deep sigh. “Time travel. I hate time travel.”

“Time travel seems to be the logical assumption,” Tuvok said.

“Is she fit enough to wake up?”

“Wait,” Tuvok said, “Doctor, if you will, kindly remove the phaser from Seven’s person.”

“Of course,” the Doctor said, striding through the force field.

"Not exactly your Seven of Nine." A voice spoke up.

Janeway turned and was surprised to see Seven sit up. It did seem like two decades has passed and she has aged gracefully. It was hard not to take note of the differences between the Seven she was accustomed to and this woman.

She wore her hair looser for one, and she no longer wore her dermal regeneration suit. Instead she wore ordinary clothes although the battered leather jacket told a story.

As well as the gun she had strapped on her thigh holster. Her eyes swept through sick bay in a practiced scan, before landing on Janeway.

And then, in a measured voice, said: "Captain Janeway.”

"You called me Admiral Janeway earlier."

"Did I?" Seven asked, her tone was gave nothing away.

"Hello, Seven of Nine." The Doctor greeted.

Seven turned her head and smiled, the Doctor beamed at Seven.

"Doctor, it is good to see you.”

The Doctor then started scanning her. "You seem to have an excess of chronoton energy."

Seven sighed. "Of course."

Janeway was intrigued by this expression of emotion, her eyes closed briefly before focusing on Janeway. "What is the date?"

Janeway didn’t envy Seven's this. She hated temporal mechanics.

But before that, Janeway did have a missing crewman."If you're here does this mean 'our' Seven of Nine is in your time?"

"Its the logical conclusion." Seven suddenly stood-up.

The Doctor loomed over Seven with a raised eyebrow. “And what do you think you’re doing?”

“Besides some dizziness, I’m fine. I don’t think I need to stay here.”

“And in the 20 years you seem to have lived, have you become a Doctor?”

Janeway was fascinated with how expressive this Seven was. She scowled at the Doctor.

“No.” She let out a breath and then said, “You can scan me, but I don’t think its a good idea I remain in sickbay.”

“It’s nice to see not everything’s changed, you’re still trying to escape medical check-ups.”

—-

🛠Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

Oh boy, when am I not struggling with a scene? It’s like when I finally have the scene I want or working towards something, I don’t know how to fill in the rest of the story. For example: I want Captain Seven to meet her old Voyager crew back in the Delta Quadrant and then interact with her younger self.

Awesome.

And then what???

Me to me: AND THEN WHAT????

Alas, there are often crickets.

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

July Progress Recap

At the start of July, my WIP was at about 50.000 words, arc 1 finished. Since I figured it would (hopefully) be done at the 100.000 mark, I decided on the not at all stressful goal of finishing the whole goddamn book at the start of September. I went into July with the goal of writing 25.000 words.

I ended July with 29.000/25.000.

Which means I go into my August goal of another 25.000 with a 4.000 headstart, that's nice 😅

Now that's not a word goal for the words' sake. I want to finish this novel by then. If it's less than 100? Great. If it's more? Uh-oh. (And, uh, let's be honest here… My total word count is 80.000 already.)

Unfortunately, I am also haunted by the need for Symmetry; arc 1 was 13 chapters, and I have an outline for arc 2 with 13 chapters as well, but it might be a close call. That's 3,5 more chapters from where I am — I am absolutely sure I can be done with that by the end of August, more likely halfway through.

I am currently a bit uncertain about the end. I have plans for a small — probably 4 chapters or so — last arc. That's the fun with pantsing my way throug, though. I'll see how it looks when I get there.

Things I learned (as if any of that is new):

500 words/day is a reasonable goal for myself. The biggest problem for me when doing a monthly challenge is losing a day of progress because a thing called life exists, and getting demotivated because suddenly I have to do twice as much the next day. On a good day, I can easily write 1000 words, so I can catch up.

Can I write more? Yes. Will I write more? Probably. Should I force myself to do so? Abso-fucking-lutely not.

Speaking of, it's unlikely I'll do a full nano again anytime soon. My writing style is less and less suited for something like nano - the point of nano is to "just get the words down", but I am not happy with that. I want the words as good as I can make them in the first draft already.

Sure, I will have to edit some things; taking bets on how often I used the words "again" and "almost", and I did experiment a bit with sentence structure and might end up hating it. But the plot isn't going to change, and so far I left only like 2 or 3 notes where I knew I wasn't happy and decided to fix it later.

I am having a lot of fun, but I am also looking forward to being done. Once this thing is in the hands of my beloved beta readers, I will finally return to Caldyn 😅

[maenage-a]

THE HOTEL

introduction: continental hotels are structures found all over the globe, usually in main and highly populated cities. despite not looking any different from any other luxury chain hotel, it serves as a focal point for every high end criminal and elite hitman crossing the city and it offers a wide range of services from weapons and work appropriate wear (tailored and modified on client specifications) to food and lodging for however many days needed.

the new york city's continental hotel was first established in 1904. situated in lower manhattan’s financial district, the building stands fifteen stories tall and it displays a neo-renaissance architecture style.

you know the rules. no business can be conducted on this premises, lest incurring heavy penalties

generally speaking, there are two vital rules to keep in mind when stepping inside any continental: no blood is to be spilled on company grounds and all guests are forbidden from going after their contracts or seeking information relevant to them inside the hotel

the sentence for anyone who kills inside the continental hotel is being considered excommunicado. all services are barred and entrance is no longer permitted, with (usually) immediate effect

all services must be paid with specific coins issued by the continental itself,  although payment through regular means is allowed for outsiders

people who are not making use of the hotel's services can be allowed sanctuary. this is strictly subject to the manager's discretion and authority

continentals   (and their managers)   are subjected to the high table's authority.  if there is a violation of the rules,  or any anomaly is perceived,  an abjudicator is sent to regulate matters.  they can declare a continental deconsacrated,  effectively shutting it down,  or issue a state of interregnum,  meaning business is temporarily halted   (usually due to a change in management).

THE STAFF

manager.   winston scott has been the manager of the continental hotel of new york for nearly forty years,  uncontested and widely respected.  there is very little that goes on in the city he doesn’t know about.  he can usually be found on company grounds,  whether in the lounge or up above in his penthouse

concierge.   a continental hotel concierge is not simply a desk clerk.  their authority is second only to the manager's and they can implement house rules if they see fit   (although this could not be true for every continental),  with authorization

assistant-concierge.   a specific staff member among those qualified that has received or is receiving special training in order to fully take on the role

other staff.   a continental,  like any other hotel,  needs many people to function properly,  such as kitchen staff,  cleaners,  bartenders,  guardians and so on

affiliated.  those that,  while not officially among the hotel's staff,  might offer their services,  such as:  bank clerks,  tailors,  doctors,  bodyguards and drivers.

+ blog relevant specifications

winston abides by the rules, generally speaking. but he is not unwilling to bend and twist them a little when he needs to. however, he is not in the business of doing favors for people with no reason. if he has a solid enough relationship with your muse and convincing motive, then he might meet them halfway (this mostly pertains to him providing information, which is easy enough for him to do without raising suspiction)

i go by the assumption that new york isn't the only continental in the united states,  because that would simply be impractical.  there should be at least one,  if not more,  for each main area. 

[whomeidontknowthem]

I've just finished the last part of mourn them (even if this post is going to come out later as it has spoilers for the entire thing, if you haven't read it yet you can find it here (it's a short read, about 6k words total)), and I must say it was one of the most satisfying writing experiences in my mind.

Playing around with alphabet prompts was So Fun

(even if I did end up using them more like a vague suggestion of a vibe than anything concrete; but I mean, how concrete can you go with "Emotion"? The vague associations are there and that's what matters)

(I could yap about the associations I worked with, though. Say, in Emotion the title signifies not any particular emotional turmoil characters go through (arguable it was force in parts before), but the fact that Niveth gets to make her only real choice during the story -- and it is completely driven by emotion.)

It made me approach structuring the plot as more of a puzzle with defined rules and limitations. No need to wonder if I could maybe write this scene separately, it could be interesting in its own right -- no, I had nine letters, nine parts, nine prompts which defined which every one of them was supposed to include. Telling an overarching narrative this way was a bit more challenging from the point of planning, but absolutely delightful.

The fact that it's the first time I managed to do post a narrative I find satisfying before finishing it -- it says a lot. I wonder if I can incorporate some of this experience into my regular writing.

The limits meant that there was little time to waste, and it meant scenes that weren't serving the purpose (and weren't dramatic enough) got cut mercilessly. Every part had about three hundred words completely trimmed from its beginning so that it started right where the fun part began. The first few times it happened, I felt annoyed about having my writing "go to waste". The ninth time it happened, I figured this was just the way it was going to be. I should remember that Cutting Stuff Out is actually Really Good Sometimes.

Sadly sometimes it meant I cut out interesting context.

In Reinforcement the details of what Niveth is punished for remain vague. She "disobeyed and order" and "nearly got her superior killed" -- in truth, what happened was that she froze when she needed to act to protect. She knew she would die if she acted, and for just a few seconds she was too terrified to fullfil her purpose. After the first panic passed, she did act, breaking a leg in the process. Her superior was left only with a few scratches and bruises -- it was still enough of a reason to punish her halfway to death.

Speaking of, "Miss T--" (Miss Taya originally) is the only character besides Tane and Niveth that got their name mentioned. Before the edits, every handler had a name, a different personality and a different set of pronouns; it seemed too overwhelming and, knowing the distaste of the community towards named characters, I simplified them all to just be "the handler" (which I think was definitely the right call). As a result, they can now be read as a person who is Really confused about their identity -- gender or otherwise. It's funny so it's canon now. (Not really but it is funny)

(What is more that just a bit despite never being mentioned in the text itself is the fact that in my head Niveth is trans. And like it doesnt matter to the plot and I had no way to mention it naturally, so it can as well not exist. But it does keep my character's chance of being trans in some way at the nice 45%. For seeing me tackle transness as an actual plot point see... No, actually, I haven't written the blinding gold yet. Stay tuned for that!)

I knew the ending even before I wrote the first sentence, which was a special kind of torture. I wondered if I could change my plans and maybe maybe somehow make it a happy ending -- I was trying to give the readers and the characters hope that it can still turn out fine, and I wished that could actually be true.

Except that it couldn't actually happen. The moment Tane saw Niveth, they were doomed: he couldn't leave her there for any longer, she was too far gone to make it easy, and the handler had more information, more resources, and most importantly -- too tight of a hold on Eighteen. There was not a chance that this could lead to anything but a disaster. There was hope that somehow miraculously it could until the very end.

And it's ended! I'm probably going to come back to it at some point, for some final edits, and then post it again, all parts in one, but not too soon.

I think I'll be taking a break from writing now. It's been rather intense and the next few weeks at work are promising to be rather difficult. And who knows which of my stories I'm gonna write then, but there'll definitely be something!

[glemmerdash-piecesof8]

Choices

They were ready on time this time when the door rang, except for Robert who had forgotten about the cameras. In came Paul. He was a towering structure of a man and it was obvious to all of them that he was indeed an actor as he was not intimidating but at the same time obviously skilled at communicating.

The interview was going swimmingly when Paul stopped halfway through his sentence on solidarity in the art world and asked if he could have a drink.

They all looked at him and Curtis poured him a glass of water from the carafe in front of him. Paul stared at it dejectedly. Shane looked at Curtis and said quietly, ‘Are you looking for something with a little more spirit?’

Paul brightened up and nodded and then looked at the line of sober people and burst into tears.

‘Oh God, I would love to do this project but I am indeed a garden variety alcoholic. I spend so much time in my bubble I didn’t even realise it was really a problem. Oh Christ!’

Roo stared at him thoughtfully but quite harshly at the same time, thinking of this man with kids and deciding firmly against it. She looked at Franny and Franny took her hand for a second and gave it a squeeze.

Roo started to talk, her voice breaking. ‘Paul, thank you so much for coming today, but unfortunately while many of us enjoy drinking and perhaps drink too much, we will be having kids around and so unfortunately we cannot have a liability of any form of alcoholic, functional as you may be. We all just have too much invested in this project.’

Paul physically slumped in his chair and for all his sheen he looked pretty dejected and somehow much smaller and more vulnerable. Curtis looked at him seriously and started reeling off information about recovery with a slightly detached air. Paul was clutching the water glass now and staring deep into the bottom of it. Shane got up and gave him a pat on the back, looked at the others and said, ‘Do you want to get packed off to rehab mate?’

Paul put his head on the table. ‘I have a show in 3 weeks though the rehearsals are all done. I don’t know if I can handle other alcoholics talking about recovery. I am so fired. Maybe I need to change professions and get out of the city.

Jatetsu came up and started talking softly to Paul. He had brought his bag with him and Shane eventually got him a chair as he started working out Paul’s chart. Paul started recovering but now his was childlike and learning.

Jatetsu was nodding and so was Shane and Paul started smiling a big smile. He looked at the rest of the panel with a big grin on his face and Jatetsu used Shane’s phone to make a call and started talking really quickly and then he handed the phone to Paul who had a pen and paper in hand which he had gotten from Roo and Paul answered some questions as he strode around the room and then the call was over. He looked at Jatetsu and smiled. Jatetsu gave him two thumbs up which made Robert smile and pretty much everyone else.

‘Thank you all - I will get out of your hair. Good luck with the show. It will be great. And thanks to Jatetsu I think I can sort myself out pretty well.’

He made a little bow to Jatetsu, who bowed back and then waved with a big smile and left the building. Muttering the kindness of strangers as Jerome let him out.

He left a room where a lot of hugging was going on for some reason and it was a silent lunch as it sunk in that there would only be six of them or 8 of them, nowhere close to lucky number 7 anymore.

At 2pm everyone was sitting ready when the doorbell went. In walked Beltrano who was small and impeccably dressed with fun detailing, and Anbessa, who was taller and much more simply dressed, with jeans and a hoodie proudly saying BAN FOX HUNTING.

They sat down and Shane asked if they wanted coffee which made Anbessa laugh. ‘Not for me, thanks, I have just come from work, and,’ he said looking at Beltrano, ‘he doesn’t drink coffee after 1pm.’ Beltrano nodded.

Curtis started the spiel again with a surprising amount of enthusiasm considering it was his fourth time on the trot[RvS39] . They all introduced themselves and then Beltrano asked softly if they could come back in 5 minutes. They disappeared around the corner and 7 minutes later they were back, sitting down rather solemnly.

‘Everything alright?’ Robert asked. Beltrano started to speak but it was halting and Anbessa put his hand on his arm and started talking. Beltrano leaned back looking relieved.

‘We applied at the urging of Jerome.’ There were a few sighs and nods going around and Curtis looked up looking for Jerome but he slipped out of sight. He started getting up, a little put out, when Roo put her hand on his arm so he sat back down.

‘The problem is,’ Anbessa said carefully,’we are both completely gay.’ There were more sighs and nods with some frowns and some quickly hidden smiles. Anbessa continued, ‘We would still like to do the project and would be happy to get married but the marriage would remain,’ he looked at the cameras, ‘what is the word you use - not complete?’

‘So if you consider us that would be good. I would like to work with print media and Beltrano would like to work for himself and,’ he looked at Beltrano. ‘Yes, I can make clothes for Roo, Luther and Jatetsu,’ he said with a beautiful open smile. Anbessa continued, ‘Yes, he would be using you as ambassadors of his style but you would be able to wear other clothes.’ Beltrano nodded. ‘I also make some clothes for others if wanted.’

‘So what would your cause be Beltrano?’

Anbessa looked at Beltrano, who motioned for him to talk. ‘We both want to work on a literature magazine with poetry and so on but well designed.’

Beltrano interjected. ‘We will call it of the birds too and make it off white paper with blue print and cyanotype cover lookalike.’

Anbessa smiled. ‘Beltrano is a unique creature, being an Italian situationist as I think we said in the application. I would like to do a paper also inspired by your work Robert, it just came to me now, called Extinction Times.’

Robert nodded, ‘A newspaper of all the animals that have gone extinct in the last x amount of time?’

Anbessa nodded.

Interesting, thought Roo. ‘And you’re sure you don’t mind pretending to be bi?’ she said carefully. Anbessa and Beltrano shook their heads in a coordinated fashion.

Roo stood up, ‘Do you mind if I go talk to the straight men and Franny? And maybe Curtis?’

Beltrano and Anbessa both smiled and shook their heads. Shane got up, and looked at Carl who avoided his gaze and remained sitting. Luther was leaning back on his chair and then let the legs touch the ground. Jatetsu was talking to Robert and observing at the same time and then got up with the rest of that side of the table, stopping Curtis as he was about to pass and asking another question softly before smiling and following them out waiting for Robert to turn the camera off, saying softly to him, ‘Not wild Yamabushi who comes of the mountain for women or men. Too complicated all men,’ and Robert smiled and nodded putting his hand on his back and smiling. ‘You need time to go hiking!’

Jatetsu smiled and laughed a belly laugh and so did Robert. Roo looked relieved to see them when they came around the corner and Shane gave Jatetsu a big smile. Robert started talking to Franny and Curtis about legal implications and the other just stood. Jatetsu eventually said, ‘I need plenty time for cultivation. Will go to the mountains plenty and will be busy with the charity. Need simplicity, one day a week maybe with Roo but priority is the work. Too many men, too complicated.’

Roo smiled, ‘Well you can change your mind.’

Jatetsu shook his head. ‘No, discipline more important.’ He then looked at Roo and said, ‘Must go. Visitors from Japan from Okinawa. Okinawa serious.’

Shane asked innocently, ‘What is happening in Okinawa?’

‘America is building many military bases.’

‘Really? Even after Hiroshima? Isn’t that against a law?’

Jatetsu shook his head. ‘Good friend, very serious guy.’

‘Could he stay with us and talk about Okinawa?’ Shane said.

Jatetsu looked surprised and then nodded, ‘Maybe interview but will ask.’

He took Roo’s hands and bowed and then Shane’s before disappearing out the door. Roo looked rather surprised. Shane hugged her shoulders, ‘We can see him on Monday.’ Roo looked up at him and smiled. ‘I can’t really go to the mountains with him.’

‘I don’t see why not, we can stay in a house and see him when he’s finished his exploits. There are no sacred mountains in England.’

‘I am sure they’re sacred to somebody,’ Roo said smiling. Shane smiled, ‘I guess you’re right.’ He looked at her, ‘Having them will make things nicely rounded and simpler.’ Roo nodded, realising everyone was looking at her now. Franny smiled, ‘You’ll be a little bit more normal Roo with only one more or less full time lover.’ Roo looked at Shane and smiled. ‘Yes, alright.’

‘Great,’ said Robert. ‘I’ll tell them, you two slip off, unless you want to take Franny and Shane to that restaurant on the black card? Curtis has a reservation for 6 he forgot to cancel and organise people for.’ Curtis nodded. ‘I just remembered now. I have been so distracted by this experiment I forgot it’s the weekend I have a rolling booking for.’ Shane and Franny looked at Roo. She smiled and said, ‘Well the food is good and I don’t want to cook.’

Shane said, ‘I don’t have a show so some delicious food eaten slowly would be a real treat.’ Franny nodded.

‘I’ll go talk to Luke’, Roo said.

‘And welcome the other two - it’s actually best if you do it Roo,’ Robert said earnestly. Roo nodded and smiled, ‘Beautiful clothes!’

And they all laughed.

After Roo welcomed Beltrano and Anbessa she went to Luke and asked if he minded if she went for dinner. Luke looked at her with a smile, ‘With Robert and Franny?’

‘Yes, you could have the flat to yourselves.’ He smiled, ‘Alright love, I have a shift tomorrow night so you might as well go to work wearing one of Shane’s jumpers again.’

‘Sure?’ she said. ‘Yes, see you Monday evening.’

They parted ways and started tidying things up and putting things away. Shane was making whiskey based cocktails with Jerome for those who didn’t want champagne and when they were ready and everyone had a glass in hand they all raised them with Luke saying, ‘To the experiment,’ and they all cheered, happy to have their first toast of many to come.

At the restaurant Shane asked about what situationists really were. Robert put down the dessert menu and sighed. Curtis smiled again then Jerome said, ‘Well it’s all about the spectacle with them. It’s not so much a political stance, it’s a way of seeing the world. Beltrano is particularly influenced by the time, the revolution of everyday life.

‘It is a dead movement pretty much but quite a few people myself included really appreciate the approach,’ Robert said. Curtis looked serious and said, ‘You know about bread and circuses?’

Shane smiled, ‘Sure, there is a Durutti Column album called that which Carl lent me. I looked into it and realised agriculture is pretty complicated and distraction is built into society. So I suppose the point of our project is to try and subvert the distraction and I am assuming the situationists would possibly approve.’

‘Yes, possibly.’

‘But subversion only helps people see things for what they are. It’s not a solution for the average person.’

Robert looked into the middle distance and nodded. ‘The challenges of our time are unprecedented in recorded history, but media is the primary battlefield as it gets more and more consolidated into the hands of the rich. Civilisation makes for a pretty complicated set of living arrangements and what some call neo-capitalism, makes for an even more high speed society.’

‘Well, do you mind terribly if we leave now. I can’t stomach dessert tonight and Franny wants to get back to the flat to get drunk with the others,’ Robert jested.

Franny looked exasperated. ‘I just want to see if they are getting on.’

‘Yes, that will be fine,’ said Curtis, ‘are you two staying? I was thinking of getting the cheeseboard for us but if you two are leaving it’s a bit big.’

Robert faltered and then Franny smiled, ‘I just realised they are adults so we can stay.’ Robert smiled, he did love cheese!

Roo looked at Shane, ‘So we could try desserts?’ Curtis smiled, ‘Yes,’ and Shane shook his head, ‘unless we’re sharing Roo. I am happy with just coffee. This place is a lot to take in and I am knackered after last night’s show.’

Roo looked at the menu and found some bonbons. She pointed at them to Shane and he smiled, sure Roo let’s have some love bites. It is hard to be disciplined here.’

Curtis smiled, ‘That’s why I only come once a month.’ They all laughed. Roo suddenly thought of the others, ‘Do you think we could get 2 cheeseboards and some bonbons takeaway for the others?’

Robert smiled, ‘Good idea Roo, I am sure they will appreciate it. Ready to order?’

Shane enjoyed the coffee so much he insisted on doing some detective work before leaving and triumphantly coming out of the kitchen with a card. ‘I was thinking,’ he said as they waited for the bill, ‘what if we all only have one real luxury each? I am happy to eat rubbish food if I can have coffee like this every day.’

Roo smiled, ‘We’re going local but that is a good idea, if we each choose a luxury exempt item it won’t be so difficult.’

‘So what would yours be Roo?’ Franny asked. ‘Well if Shane’s doing coffee, the next one would be chocolate in some form.’ Shane smiled and said triumphantly, ‘The people I go the number for do fairtrade chocolate with a tribe in the amazon somewhere where it really is fairtrade and sustainable.’

Curtis smiled, ‘I can ask for a list of suppliers to get emailed to me.’

‘That would be great Curtis. Our cab is early though - shall we see you Monday evening to help Jatetsu move in?’

‘Wonderful - let’s make it 6 pm. Night - we did well today!’

They all said their farewells while Robert paid and then left.

Roo and Shane got out of the taxi, waving at Franny and Robert and the driver. They climbed the stairs to Shane’s apartment and collapsed onto the bed with their clothes on as it was still cold. While they were waiting for the heating Shane said gently. ‘You know I thought I had lost you forever and while I would love to have you all to myself, it’s going to be such fun doing the experiment, even if it’s tough sometimes. It’s refreshing to talk to non-music people.’

Roo nodded and took her shoes off and said ‘I am knackered too but that coffee might tide me over for some shenanigans,’ she said with a cheeky smile. ‘Next week I will be out of action but Luke might let us do a sleepover if you’re up for it.’

Shane smiled starting to undress her, ‘You know I love sleepovers with you,’ he said huskily. ‘My one straight man, are you sure you don’t want to experiment with the others?’

Shane was smiling and shaking his head while his shoes and trousers came off. ‘I am a blues man baby. I have tried but honestly you have my favourite body and mind and men really just are for sex, I want to make love to you all day every day but can share you cos [RvS40] that’s what needs to be done, but when the dust settles and the kids have grown up I want to steal you away and escape this town. I am with you for life baby, come what may. Now open your legs for me, haven’t tasted you for a whole week. And Roo kissed him, ‘Shane,’ she said quivering. ‘Hush baby, it’s going to be alright and he started kissing her nipples and touching her before traveling further down her body and when it was time for him to be inside her, he said with such tenderness, ‘You ready to grow old with me baby?’

Roo nodded and said she held him, with her body feeling more relaxed and ready for a man than it had ever been in her life before. ‘Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. I was younger then and I am still young but if you’re ready to be partners for life, I am ready too, come what may. It will keep me strong knowing I can stop and still have you. I think Luke will be fine but I can’t think of losing you again.’ Shane started kissing her and led himself gently inside her and as he started moving inside her Roo realised for the first time that she was home and safe, she looked up into Shane’s eyes and they locked. Shane had tears in his eyes, but as they stared at each other they both knew there was no going back now. Shane laughed and hugged Roo in his delight, and they kept moving together in a timeless space, being just two people who loved each other deeply, renewing each other with their love and making them both starting singing Marvin Gayes’ Sexual Healing the morning with their breakfast, before returning to bed to do it all over again.

Never did I see so many faces

Franny got home that afternoon to get things ready for Fiona’s visit. She walked from the bus stop in the crisp frosty air feeling invigorated and when she got to the flat went straight to the kitchen for some tea. She was a bit taken aback by the pile of recycling, when Robert walked in, finding her staring at the recycling, and just shook his head. ‘There was a bit of a party last night until Franny’s yawning made then go chilling at home. Luke’s still sleeping and don’t worry, he is alone.’ Robert said wryly. Franny started to protest and then realised there was no point, so she just smiled and said ‘Tea?’

Dinner with Fiona went well, Franny having come home with a huge lasagne after a trip to the shops. It was interesting realising she had to have help for managing things in the future. Fiona was lovely and bubbly and loved the flat. As Franny was dishing out the dessert from yet another huge tray, Franny asked Fiona if it would be fine to start in June when Fanny and Robert left. Fiona looked at Franny and then laughed. ‘You mean you don’t want to film the first series before they leave?’ Roo looked at Luke and then got up and got her diary. There was then a flurry of phone calls and Roo sat waiting for the last few outcomes. They were all positive. Everyone looked at Roo and she asked Fiona earnestly ‘So you’re sure you don’t want to go home first?’

Fiona shook her head. ‘I find it stressful to go home. My parents can come visit me here. Like I said I need to give in my notice but I have outstanding holiday so I can book that tomorrow and then resign the next day.’

‘Luke’s sister is arriving next weekend so maybe we have to think of moving to the In and Out.[RvS41] ’

Robert said: ‘I can stay at Franny’s some of the time, though you probably want to give notice?’ Franny nodded. ‘Then I won’t have to work quite as many shifts until we leave. It will mean the others have to use the underground to get to work, but you might enjoy some last months of anonymity.’

Luke looked at Roo and smiled. Roo smiled back. ‘So we start filming in two weeks - apart from filming people arriving to in and out.’ They all nodded. Roo’s phone rang, it was Curtis, so she put it on speaker phone.

‘Hi Curtis.’

‘Hi Roo.’

‘There’s a few of us here, including Fiona who’s going to help me with things.’

‘Wonderful my dear. I was thinking about furniture.’

‘Yes,’ said Roo.

‘Well the thing is, we need plenty. I am wondering if you have any preference?’

Roo shook her head and said ‘No, just beautiful things. But ideally not too valuable and ideally not flatpack - I don’t think that will go with the house.’

‘Yes, the space needs awareness in its decorating. I spoke to Anbessa and he is free to help me choose things this week. We won’t get sponsorship for the decorations but I was thinking that perhaps you want a sound system for the lounge?’

‘And a baby one for the kitchen. Speak to Shane and Carl though, they will know what to get.’

‘Wonderful, We’ll be ready for the rest of you to move in on the weekend.’

‘So soon? Alright, I suppose it will be nice to settle in.’

‘Yes. I’ll talk to Shane and Carl.’

“Great, we all send our love.’ Everyone nodded.

‘Thanks Curtis.’

‘It’s a pleasure my dear. Could I speak to Robert please?’

‘Sure,’ and Robert took the phone and wondered to the kitchen to talk logistics.

“Well, I suppose everyone is going to have to talk to their landlords or find tenants or whatever,’ Roo said.

‘Yes, it’s London though and only two weeks until April,’ Luke said.

‘You’ll need to find some bluebells to film in and let Jatetsu talk about strange things,’ Franny said.

Fiona looked at her watch, and sighed. ‘Do you mind if I go? I want to sit with my calendar and double check things.’

‘Sure,’ Luke said, ‘it was a pleasure to meet you!’ They all gave her a hug and she waved at Robert as she went past the kitchen as Franny let her out.

‘So that went even better than I expected,’ Franny said smiling as she sat down again. ‘Yes, thanks for organising that Franny,’ said Luke. ‘Now I need to go to bed and update my lovely woman with what we decided last night.’

Roo looked a bit surprised and then nodded. ‘Let me just tidy up a bit.’ ‘No, no, no,’ said Franny, ‘I got it, I need to do something mindful,’ she said smiling. ‘Sure?’ Roo asked. Fanny nodded. ‘You have work tomorrow, both of you. Go rest!’

And so Luke and Roo retired. After they had gotten ready for bed Luke said carefully ‘So Shane has professed his undying love for you?’

Roo looked shocked and was speechless. ‘I’ll take that as a yes. The others said he would have.’ Luke sat on the bed and then lay down. ‘Don’t worry. I knew this might happen. You know you say his name in your sleep sometimes.’

Roo shook her head, trying to work out what to say.

‘We know he will look after you, we have worked out a rota to make it fair. You spend 4 nights every fortnight with Shane. One night a fortnight with the rest of us, except Anbessa and Beltrano who are really happy to just experiment with us lads. And the rest of the time can be fluid. Jatetsu can negotiate something then.’

Roo laid down next to Luke and then reached out to Luke, stroking his hair.

‘I love you though. I want to spend more than 1 night every two weeks with you,’ she said softly. Luke smiled. ‘Sure, I know that love, but I actually want to get to know the others. When the kids arrive it will get busy and there won’t be time. I thought you would be happy.’

Roo sighed and move onto her back. She stared at the ceiling and there was silence for a long time. Then Luke took her hand, ‘It’s going to be fine.’

Roo nodded and then smiled. ‘So you’re all taking the pressure off me.’

‘Yes love, that’s the idea.’

‘Thank you.’

‘We have to do tests this week.’

Roo nodded, cuddling up to Luke. ‘Shane will be away on tour sometimes.’

‘I know, you’ll see the fluidity will work out.’

‘Alright.’ There was silence for a while.

‘I was surprised when Carl and Luther both stayed yesterday.’

‘And we were surprised when Jatetsu left.’

‘He says it’s too complicated and that he needs time for his cultivation.’

‘Right, that’s true. He’s a full on mystic he is.’

‘Yes, I like him.’

‘We all like him too if you’d like to know.’

‘I did just make that decision didn’t I.’ Roo laughed.

Luke kissed her. ‘And a good decision it was. Sleep well love.’

‘You too.’

And he was gone in the morning when she woke up for an early shift, so Roo had another morning of stillness before work and she couldn’t help but wonder what Luke really wanted and that worry stayed with her all week, only being dispelled when she saw him with the others on Saturday at the house. Then she realised he was in love too.

Jatetsu was sitting in the garden observing the world around him. It had been a busy weekend, with people bringing things and choosing rooms and having a sort of extended party. Jatetsu had excused himself often over the weekend and yesterday had spent an hour with Roo outside just sitting, with Shane appearing halfway through and they had all sat together and watched the clouds and the plants, with the wind keeping them present. He was thinking of that now and was happy that it had happened even though he had been nervous and alert when it was happening.

The house was empty now with everyone at work except for Luther who was cooking. Jatetsu thought of how 10 days ago his life was his and now he really was in service to the universe. He found himself thinking again of his Buddhist monk friend who was working in Okinawa and it was as though he had eaten a bomb, his insides feeling metallic and his head starting to pound. This had been happening for the whole of the time since seeing his friend, annoyingly always when he was trying to enjoy serenity. It was as though when his environment knew he was centred and feeling whole, some god invented after time would appear and hollow him out, with each time being different. The first few days when it happened he had reached for his Juzu[1] but that had filled him with such a howling emptiness he had thrown up each time. It was all very strange but now Jatetsu just sat, ignoring the itch for the Juzu and letting the pain flow through him.

When it eventually stopped Jatetsu found that it was night and the stars were staring at him, his form somehow having collapsed to supine in the process of feeling the fear of the future. In his hand he found a small stone which seemed to shiver in the starlight. Jatetsu kissed it and put it close to his body for safe keeping. He got up slowly and breathed consciously before going inside and asking Luther if there was any lamb. Luther went to a pot and opened it and there was stew. Jatetsu started to cry softly and then nodded and Luther dished him up a bowl and then one for himself. Luther sat opposite Jatetsu quietly as they both ate with Jatetsu eating like an abandoned child but gradually calming so he wasn’t crying anymore. Everyone was already in bed but Luther had been fasting since lunch when he saw that Jatetsu was lying down.

Roo had told him last week, when he had phoned to ask what Jatetsu might be doing that made him so fragile, about the Okinawan friend visiting. So when there was a change of behaviour today Luther knew he had to stay alert. Jatetsu took out the stone and put it on the table. Luther looked at it and at Jatetsu and then said. ‘For your friend?’

Jatetsu nodded and put it away again. ‘Tomorrow he is coming to stay. We must start filming.’

Luther nodded with the acceptance of a man who has seen war and said ‘I’ll tell the others in the morning. Until then I think you have to rest. It’s very cold outside. Roo said you should sleep with her when you got in but she fell asleep about 2 hours ago.

Jatetsu drank a glass of water really slowly and then put it down and nodded. “That would be good.’

‘I will go wake her.’ Jatetsu smiled and nodded and followed him to Roo’s room. Shane was there sitting watching Roo in the dark with a pen and paper in hand. He looked at Jatetsu and smiled. ‘You want to wake the dragon?’ he whispered. Luther and Jatetsu nodded and Shane got up, ‘The best thing with her is to sing softly to her while stroking her hair.’

Jatetsu nodded after bowing to the other two. He closed the door and put the stone on the table and got undressed. It was a bed that only he would share with Roo as he was the only one with a single bed.

He climbed under the covers and started singing a folksong softly and tentatively touched Roo’s hair. She stirred and smiled then reached out and felt his naked form and took his hands and guided them to her breasts. Jatetsu was feeling so shattered his reserve was gone. He gave her hungry desperate kisses and Roo moaned when he entered her and started crying as he moved. They made a tender love that night filled with tears until Roo started laughing a deep belly laugh and then so did Jatetsu, before a tiredness came over him and he collapsed, curling up with Roo curling around him and he sobbed himself softly to sleep, confused by the strong tie he felt to Roo as she cradled him in her arms.

When Jatetsu woke up his friend was sitting on the bed staring out the window and it was afternoon. Jatetsu gestured to the stone on the table which his friend went and picked up. His eyes began to water and then he put it in his pocket and brought Jatetsu his clothes. Shane was sitting in the music room fiddling with a guitar and decompressing after teaching. Robert came in with the camera and Shane looked up and smiled before Jatetsu and his friend came in and sat down.

Jatetsu blew the horagai[2] and Luther came in with a Japanese tea set and they all sat in a circle and Jatetsu’s friend started telling a story.

‘A long time ago there was an old woman who wanted to have a child. She dreamed of a child for many years and then one morning she found a small bear in her bed.

The bear was small and hungry so she fed it warm broth even though there was something about the bear that was strange. The bear followed her around as it got older and the old woman grew to love the bear as if it was her long wished for child. One day a medicine man came to her house and he said ‘Old woman, the bear needs to leave today’. The old woman started screeching and cursing and she chased the medicine man away. When she returned to her house the bear was gone, except for a scratch on the door which it had made when it was younger.

The old woman left the house with her belongings and went and camped in the forest. That night the wind came and it blew on her fire and told her to give up her quest or the world would unravel. The old woman turned on her side and slept and in the morning she continued her journey.

The next night the fire refused to light and in the darkness the old woman’s water was tipped over as the wind came again and gave her the same warning. The old woman turned on her side and slept and in the morning she continued her journey even though the world was now covered with ice and there was no water to be found.

As the old woman walked she listened for birdsong but there was none in the cold silent light. That night she shouted at the wood and the fire and they lit for a blinding second and then went out. The old woman was thirsty and cold she started to cry and then there was the medicine man in front of a fire which gave off no heat and shouted at the old woman in the language of metal and as the fire told the woman of her folly and how if she continued not only would the world unravel but that she would become lost.

The old woman laughed with scorn and then looked at the sky and was filled with terror as the stars were moving and swimming around in confused spirals. The old woman screamed at the medicine man who sat quietly listening and drinking tea. When he was packing the tea set away the old woman started begging him now for water and the medicine man picked up snow on the ground and threw it in the fire while his other hand threw in herbs.

The fire went out and the medicine man said ‘Last night your home was destroyed and the bear was there.’ The old woman began to wail and went to find her things in the dark and all there was melted metal and an apple. The old woman was so sad and angry now that she started throwing the apple in anger and then as she was about to throw it she looked back at the medicine man and he shook his head.

She looked at the sky and its swirling and then she walked over and gave the medicine man the apple and then lay down to die. The medicine man opened the apple and took out the seeds and then buried them around the old woman. Then he left.

There followed many years of winter but one day the winter ended and the seeds in the ground started to warm and the stars stopped swimming in the sky and then the old woman woke up. She found a pack by her body and a note saying ‘There are no medicine people.’ And then the pack began to cry and the old woman’s heart leapt in joy and went to look and as she searched for the baby the sun rose and then she started cursing. The crying stopped and the old woman looked around her and all the trees were still.

Then the woman looked at her hands and her body and realised she was the medicine man except younger. The old woman wandered around looking for water and found some even though she wasn’t thirsty. Then she lit a fire even though she wasn’t cold. And the wind came and told her that she needed to leave in the morning because there was work to do and that for 100 days and 100 nights she wouldn’t be able to make fire or find water but she could be fed by animals and humans. The old woman cursed the wind.

After 50 days of cursing the woman lay down to die. That night a bear came and scratched her face. And after 50 more days she was still alive so she got up and started walking and over the next 1000 years she wrote all of our folksongs by remembering the sounds of the birds. So she sung but she never used another word of language for all her days.’

Shane started singing as the story finished and they all had tea.

[jonathankatwhatever]

Each time I try to go to sleep. It’s the end of 14 May 2024, and I’ve been considering how to connect the pieces into coherent mathematics. An answer appeared about 10 minutes ago. It was that we generate finite fields and we generate geometries, which translate between 1Space and 0Space at the gs to rs level, which we describe using D-structure and whatever we call the operational model for that. I-structure for Identity?

I was way into this when I heard and that means we invoke affine transformations, and then we group them according to the structure of the object generated through I-structure. As I remember, we use Identity here to mean the operation which generates and checks identity and the labelable identity itself. I was thinking about this earlier today when I realized we can explain scalar fields in both physics and math. Or rather, beyond explaining: we can use those as examples of the 1-0-1 organization inherent in I-s. I kinda like the way that looks. That actually helps a lot: if we use I-s for Is, then we no longer have the inherent confusions of is Is. Or is Is Is? Now that would read as is I-s I-s, which is obvious identity question. That is, after all, why we say the SBE identity check through SBE2, SBE3, etc. The SBE2 identity operation and status is an important reason why D12 and D24 matter so much. Remember: that connects directly to the Leech lattice and thus to the representation of the Monster Group.

As a note, I stumbled on a reference to p-adics again, and this time they made complete sense. They allow manipulation of 1Space across those forms. That’s a really deep mathematical connection.

I was also thinking about some way to find a truly fundamental connection, and I decided it has to be contradiction itself. Going back to the proof of the irrationality of root2. We generate that. I remember going over this connection before, but that was before I was secure in the ideas by which we describe the generation of reality, of finite existences within infinite processes, of D-structure, and so on. Or rather, as has been made clear by Storyline advances of high order: in the process of remembering what I already know, in which the I-s, which nicely now reads as process with intermediate existences, so it can be viewed as locally consistent or at different levels of magnification. Lost that sentence halfway through: the I-s checks the I-s over this process of understanding whether the identity is true.

The amount of obsession over you has changed as well. I used amount because it’s a form of amplitude, meaning I mute the obsession because I either believe in this craziness or I don’t, and I do. The more I realize that, the clearer the math gets. Like in my dreams that it would reveal itself. It is mind blowing, isn’t it? The muting of that amplitude enables me to hear good ideas, good pathways, good trails, and without as much effort. A side effect, however, seems to be that I often don’t realize I’ve understood something. Or rather that I put off thinking about it, writing about it, because something tells me it’s not yet worthy.

That routine fits with the rather ruthless one which runs in me: put off this in favor of that. Understanding that algorithm (in stages) has dramatically improved my efficiency and mood, if simply because when I see it running, I now have an evaluation method, an I-s which checks whether it makes sense to put off and what to put off. That’s how washing up now becomes easier: it’s simply that the identity check says it makes more sense to do this now. The other choice is often to do nothing much, so it becomes a valuation of nothing much.

This actually relates to something which I’ve seen in an idea stated by Edison that he didn’t fail but rather had 10,000 learning paths. Or Dostoevsky’s the only way to true consciounsess is through suffering. Can’t have a perfect existence.

This fits the p not equaling np ideas, but I don’t remember how. I think it has to do with the finite pathways, like the limited number of Storylines which fit, all because these occur within gsSpace, which is constructed. There’s something else but I doubt I can get it out right now. Something about how exponential means that you’re constructing higher dimensional space in which one must identify a solution which actually generates the other way, from higher D down in the I//I of D4-3//3-4 (meeting of course the other notational D3-4//4-3. That’s not all but it’s enough for now.

[maelstrom-of-emotions]

First drafts are incredibly important, and I know what you're (probably) thinking, "That's it? Literally everyone knows that. It's been crammed down our throats enough."

But, I'm serious, rough first drafts are important. And the reason I'm going on this tangent is that I just realized that so many people have different ideas of a what a first draft means, and so many people consider "first drafts" that way they've been taught to consider it.

This probably doesn't make any sense, so I'll explain this. My version of a first draft was something already created. There was no groundwork, no outline, I would only write completely curated sentences. Like, I thought, ‘Oh, I've already done the thinking in my head, already thought about how it would look like, so that's done.’

On paper, it looks like a good way of doing things. I'd only write sentences that were formed, structured, with flowy metaphors and whatnot, they wouldn't be changed at all and would be posted the same way. I considered my "second draft" to just be editing spelling and grammatical errors.

It wasn't great, at all. Since I would only write "perfect" paragraphs and set high standards, I would barely write anything at all for months. A single story took years to write until I would just loose the motivation and the spark, and I thought that's how it worked for everyone. That you wouldn't write your story if it didn't have the most gripping first line, that you wouldn't write a paragraph 'cause you didn't have the best description and so on it went.

But then, I talked with other writers and I heard about how their first drafts were created, some of them used bullet points, others just quotes they wanted to include, some of them wrote the last scene and worked their way up from there and others wrote paragraphs and wrote little notes for themselves of what scene would go next. (Example: *insert heart-to-heart here*).

And I thought it was stupid, 'cause wasn't that more work? Wasn't that just more stress. But, then after months of not being able to write I tried it, and it bloody worked, guys.

I ignored the nagging voice in my head that told me the metaphor wasn't perfect or that the lines weren't descriptive enough and just wrote stuff. I wrote short and to the point sentences just to get the groundwork done and I was able to write so much. Sometimes, I'd lose steam, but I'd tell myself that I had done more writing in three hours than what I had done in eight months and it kept me going.

Something I didn't realize was due to my perfectionism, I didn't give my story the chance to grow. It may seem stupid, but because I was forcing it to develop in strict and rigid cages, I only had the first idea to work off of. Now, though? It gives me enough space to play around with what I want. To have fun. I was writing a revenge fic and halfway through, decided to turn it into A/B/O because I had the sudden idea of a scene I wanted to add. If I was writing it like I usually would, I wouldn't be able to change it, because I'd already written down the final sentences and to change them would be a pain. So it didn't leave room for new ideas.

Give your story the chance to grow, people. Because, sometimes, when you think you're actually helping it you might just be clipping off it's wings. Like it grow, let it fly, let it falter. Let it mold itself into what it wants to be. It doesn't have to be perfect on the first try - it can be filled with random unrelated images, it can be filled with quotes, it can be filled with random ideas that struck at 2.a.m. You write to escape from the real world, don't let writing be something you want to escape from.

Have fun writing, let your wings grow.

(Also, my readers, I swear, I'm working on the next update.)

[gwendolynnderolo]

9000 words??? thank you for blessing us 😭🙏

and not to be rude but that sounds like enough for a 1st chapter to be posted hehe

it’s almost at 12000 now hsdghkl

and as much as i would LOVE to be able to post a first chapter (i actually am currently about halfway through writing the third chapter) i am unfortunately not an author who can edit while they’re writing.

for with your hands around my neck (the liam pov of this fic) i wrote the entire thing before doing any editing because it was the only way i would get it done. the editing process took probably about a week or so because i read through it probably a couple dozen times and changed a bunch of stuff, most of the time just word choices or sentence structures but i did in fact almost entirely rewrite one of the scenes because i was very unhappy with it.

it’s also important to me to get the entire first draft of a fic done before i start editing because sometimes i change my mind about what i want to do in a fic while i’m writing it. while writing with your hands around my neck, i was in the middle of writing chapter five (i think?) and realized i wanted to put a detail in that wouldn’t have made sense because of something i has written in an earlier chapter. i ended up changing the thing in the earlier chapter so that the detail would have more weight when it was used later in the fic, and i was so much more happy with it.

so all of this is to say that i am happy to post snippets or lines from my fic, but y’all will probably not get a first chapter for another month or so, depending on how my motivation goes. i’m really enjoying writing this fic though so hopefully i can get it done soon!