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#I do not yell when I'm triggered
murky-tannin · 1 year
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You can tell your mom a trigger every week for 5 years and explicitly say “can’t talk about that topic with u rn im triggered and need to calm down” after she repeatedly brings it up and she’ll still go “what's wrong? Is it the flu shot you just got? Was it *entirely irrelevant incident weeks ago that you were not emotionally compromised by*? No im not leaving until I know why.” and you’ll go with every last bit of strength bc you are on the verge of a breakdown “because you brought up X” and SHE’LL go “why aren’t you explaining? Just tell me” and get mad when you eventually start screaming "Just leave me alone I need to calm down” because fuck being reasonable ig.
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kiriona-apologist · 1 year
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🔥 For the Masquerade series
so this has....apparently become a hot take in the recent times but
i think that disliking the masquerade series for its tone is something that is perfectly acceptable, even if said person is in love with the locked tomb.
i've seen bits of this debate here and there, and while i understand where the baru defenders are coming from, i sympathize more with the locked tomb people (and not just because i love the locked tomb!)
i baru post a lot. i've answered an ask about baru where the person asked me to give a recommendation for it based on liking the locked tomb. i gave my honest opinion there, and in tags elsewhere: recommending these series next to each other without appropriately warning the reader about the darker tone, themes, and narrative of baru is not only rude, it's negligent.
while i understand that tone does not a book make, it is also vital to a narrative, and i believe that baru and tlt differ greatly in tone, and that should be disclosed from the outset.
i don't have the post saved (and if i did, i wouldn't want to specifically call someone out anyway) but i saw someone sarcastically saying that "of course tone is more important than the similarities on a narrative level" (not a direct quote), as if tlt and baru are really that similar on a narrative level.
these are, of course, my opinions but i don't think they're similar narratively unless you count the most basic premise of "queer protagonist against imperialism". here's the thing (at the risk of being wrong on the internet)
The locked tomb is not focused solely on the Empire at a systemic level until bits of the second book and more dominantly the third book. Are there elements early on? yes. are they in your face, immediately relevant or a key aspect of the narrative, especially on a first read through? no! Baru kicks off with it. tlt's empire is not graphically homophobic. Baru's is, and it is fundamental to both her character and pieces of the narrative.
They're similar in the chivalrous figure dying at the end of the first book, they're similar in the weird brain stuff, in some of the weird bits, but at a fundamental level, Muir and Dickinson are telling stories of empire in different ways at different levels. Baru hates the Empire from the outset, is constantly working against it while she's working for it. Harrow and Gideon are not like this from the outset, and because those are the central characters for the opening two books, not the BoE, not the other Lyctors, it does change the narrative. resistance to the mechanisms of empire in tlt is not the focus from the outset (but definitely becomes more important as the larger story unfolds and we move outside the bubble of the nine houses)!
I understand the urge to defend Baru when people from the locked tomb fandom do read it on recommendation of it being similar to tlt and end up disliking it for how dark it is. i understand wanting the narrative to be spread despite how graphic it is, partially because that is the reality for a lot of people. i wholly acknowledge i'm speaking from a place of privilege in terms of violent homophobia like baru faces and as an american in a world that has been colonized by america and other wealthy nations, so i cannot fully identify with baru as a protagonist or those who associate on a deep level with her. if you do, i'm not saying that's bad or that you shouldn't recommend the book! i do, but i do so always with the caveat that it's dark and graphic and that the narrative is heavily centered in this darkness.
i think the masquerade series is a valuable series, but i think recommending it to locked tomb enjoyers and expecting them to love it because they love the locked tomb (and especially the critique of colonization that muir is building) or hounding on locked tomb enjoyers for not liking baru because of how graphic and violent it is can be uncomfortable and potentially triggering for a lot of people. tone is not everything, but it is key to enjoyment, and questioning why books are lumped together the way they are can be beneficial.
i remember finishing tyrant and reading the author's note dickinson left, where they state they're not sure when they'll finish the fourth book because the series is draining to write. i remember sympathizing to that, because reading it is draining. i mowed through the locked tomb books in a matter of days. each baru book took me months. the depth of the locked tomb is there i'm not saying it isn't, but baru's is like a painfully gaping wound from the outset, where tlt keeps it hidden until near the end of the first book
i'll end here by saying that both of these series are dear to my heart, and both sit in my top five favorite series of all time. i understand the urge to defend baru, who feels like an underdog compared to the largely more popular tlt, i tend to do it all the time. i do think, though, the conversation surrounding these two series and how they relate to each other can be better and more productive, and generally more generative in discussions of current advertising practices of "book similar to x book, so you'll like book!"
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lyriumrain · 7 months
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I do genuinely still find overwatch enjoyable (unfortunately), but goddamn. Every single play session there's someone having a meltdown, or being edgy, or blaming everyone else for the match going poorly. I KNOW that's just the nature of online games but jeez louise.... What in tarnation is going on with these people, i just dont comprehend this "main character syndrome" where you're a perfect angel that can do no wrong and everyone is deliberately scheming your downfall or some shit
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im-fuck3d-90 · 1 year
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I'm back to being sober!
On that note of being back in this horrible reality; it's really fucking sad that a grown ass disabled manperson feels the need to get drunk, alone, in their own fucking room just to get away from all the negativity that's coming from his allistic mother in the other room! And all of this started because I didn't want to start a fight even though I got triggered!
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has-brain-rot · 1 year
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(vent) I went to the pharmacy 'cause I need to get an appointment made for some medical stuff and also get a refill on my T (the app is shit and keeps breaking so I keep ordering and it doesn't go through AND I can't change the branch I go to) ANDealrngkalkerg
LITERALLY I'm crossing the street, and it's cold here so I'm wearing a passed down big ol working snow jacket with a mask (I effectively look like a red blob with legs and a head). AND THIS GUY, He rolls down his window and starts trying to talk to me.
I do not know this man. I literally am just walking back home. His car is stopped for the lights and he's yelling at me so I'll speak to him.
alrkgmlaekrmg I feel very violent right now like why. there is no need. I ignored him and the light went green but fuckin hell why.
I'm also at the transition point where I thought I passed and do (as a young teen, but hey passing is passing) but apparently not to old creepy men when they see me in my dad's old winter jacket and a mask <- they make me want to commit unspeakable acts of violence. I won't cuz I'm a pacifist but-)
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missing my close friendships and how I used to have the energy to maintain them while also reminding myself that part of the reason I don’t have that energy anymore/right now is because that very energy was actively exploited by my “best friend” of Several Years for their own benefit
:pensive:
#lol#not to mention that said ''best friend's'' girlfriend didn't have the emotional maturity to own up to her mistakes#and neither gave enough of a fuck to actively do better#like hm why dont i have the energy to maintain my remaining friendships and attempt to become closer to others lol. right. that#your best friend only ever paying attention to you to treat you like a chauffer and otherwise literally avoiding you after you've realized-#-that they're you're FP (bpd stuff) and literally explicitly told them that will do that. lol#then. lol. a half assed apology ''I'm sorry I wasn't there for you'' when i FINALLY get the courage to cut them off. WOW. THANKS SO MUCH.#THAT REALLY HELPS *NOW* AFTER WE ALREADY HAD THE CONVERSATION ABOUT HOW YOU WERE TREATING ME LIKE SHIT *MONTHS AGO*#not to mention that their girlfriend was too much of a fucking coward to face me in person so i could properly cut her off instead of a text#''sorry our schedules didn't line up =( genuinely wish you the best''#YEAH OKAY#bullshit on bullshit#if you fucking wished me the best you wouldn't have INTENTIONALLY crossed MULTIPLE boundaries#in one case. lol. LITERAL SECONDS AFTER I TOLD YOU I NEEDED SPACE BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO SCREAM AT YOU#WHEN YOU HAVE TOLD ME AND I KNOW DAMN WELL PEOPLE YELLING AT YOU IS A TRIGGER FOR YOU.#THAT'S YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME INTO THE BAD GUY DIPSHIT. ''mike I would never do that to you'' YOU ARE LITERALLY ACTIVELY TRYING TO DO THAT RN#and yknow the other reason is that i literally work 12 hour shifts and ~40 hour work weeks so#3/4ths of my time on this planet is spent working or sleeping. like yeah no shit i have no energy#im not only physically drained i'm also mentally and emotionally drained lol#anyway sorry for the pity party i'm just. so fucking tired of avoiding talking about this publicly#mud rambles#like i know i mentioned it before but i havent really gone into any depth so. i deserve to talk about it more
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spade-club · 2 years
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Was it really leading you on if I also let you down? Or do you really just hate the idea of me being happy without you? /not at you
#im getting angery about things from almost two years ago again haha oops#but honestly. you cant just fucking traumatize me and expect me not to be pissed???#just tell me I'm a monster and you hate everything I am.#like. do you know how hard it is to be going through someone sexualizing you constantly no matter how much you ask them to stop#and have your best fucking friend yelling at you because you're such a monster who's going to ruin this poor boy#and have her tell you she tied her self worth to your capacity to like men??#like. cool. okay. fuck you I guess.#its so bullshit#like. I'll admit I didnt treat her great. i let her believe she had a chance with dating me#when ultimately that was probably never going to happen again#but also like. I just like having close friends I flirt with. thats how I do relationships. and I made that clear.#and I even toned it down and we talked about it all the time#so maybe actually I didnt??? idk#point is its still fucked up that she would honestly tell me how much I suck as a hostile way of attacking me for not dating her#and THEN a few months later managed to get mad at me again for.... being triggered by something she said#so anyway uh. when you have someone in your life and you know how mean they can be#dont tell yourself its okay because they arent hostile to you. they could just as easily be hurting you the moment their rose glasses fall#if you dont want to be on their bad side. do you really want to be on their good side?#sad posting#<- not really but its personal and I'm scatterbrain thinking#soz if it doesnt make a lot of sense I'm. strugglebus#I might try to explain better later because those moments have really lodged their way in my brain and it sucks
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inkskinned · 8 months
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
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Fopps was like 'why have you removed yourself from 90% of your social spaces' and I do not know how to explain that like... it's not that anyone has upset me or that like- Okay, there is an element of like 'the way I care about people is wrong and I am a terrible human being for leading everyone on' but that's like- complicated and more fleeting. 90% of it is absolutely just 'if you give me a captive audience, I will trauma dump rn.' tumblr is mostly safe rn because I frequently forget that I have the ability to make posts and not just reblog things.
#the first thing is just complicated and is about like- the way my dissociation works#at the end of the day- there is a dissociative ... piece? part? Emotional Part? whatever we want to call it. Phase of Self#That does indeed not care about anything. It does not care about you. It does not care about my wife. It does not care.#it is survival mode at it's finest.#but whenever I come out of that dissociative state it feels really gross and bad and like I've been a terrible person#even if like- its only been idk a few hours.#and like this state does not *do* anything. it's not like 'oh I yell at people and I was MEAN' it just feels... empty and blank.#I buy my wife this chocolate when I see it because it's not at our local store anymore. and when I do it when I'm not /that/ dissociated#this feels like an act of love. I feel Love and Warm and Good. I am going to make my wife happy#when I am that kind of dissociated#I still do it I still buy the chocolate but it feels cold and calculated.#I buy the chocolate because it will make my wife happy and that is what the Shell of A Person is supposed to do#but then yeah. You come out and you feel gross like you're just manipulating everyone. Like you're doing all the right things but there's n#there's no light behind the eyes.#and I recognize now that the dissociative state is protective. I recognize that I needed it because I have been through the Horrors#and that if I had to deal with having feelings about things all the time- I wouldn't have made it#and that when I flick back into it- it's probably like... because I've been triggered or some shit and am having too many feelings so#actually we're gonna have none. because that's how you survive#but yeah it creates this really frustrating pattern in my life where like- it's not even *that* state that withdraws from people#it's the one after. Where I have all the feelings about everything and I'm scared I've tricked people!#I've made people think I'm nice and caring and kind when AHAH actually I'm a robot who has only been programmed for kindness#this probably counts as trauma dumping. I'm doing the exact thing I do not want to do rn.#*squints* bah bahbah bah bah bahbahbah
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angelkittycore · 10 months
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if someone isn't posting and isn't responding to you then its quite obvious they haven't seen your messages, probably because they're afk and/or asleep?
#i got accused of disrespecting a narcissist because i was asleep when they decided to yell at me for saying their post sucked#the post in question was the one about how getting revenge against your abuser is continuing the cycle of abuse#mutual abuse is a myth#you cannot abuse your abuser back because the majority of abuse is an imbalance of power at its core#not every survivor copes the way you do by forgiving and/or forgetting or letting go of their anger#i cannot speak for anybody but myself but reclaiming my anger is a huge part of my healing process#because i was groomed to think it was a toxic emotion and that it would make people be right about me if i were to show it#continuing the cycle of abuse is about how the abused become abusers with others#especially with their own kids#it's not about flipping the dynamic between the victim and the abuser already involved#this kind of mindset is toxic positivity and toxic recovery#now i'm not saying people should go out of their way out there and start actually hurting the abuser how they were hurt#but i am saying that if people happen to do that then i honestly don't care and i think it's deserved#anyway this was a fun way to wake up and get online /s#i am not responsible for your impatience im sorry but im just not#thats a thing you have to work on for yourself and you need to stop doing that#i understand it might trigger rsd to hear something like that because i know it did in me when i was younger but its the truth#you cant keep trying to hurt people because you thought they were ignoring you when they werent#anyway sometimes your posts just suck because they genuinely suck and not because you worded things wrong#your edited post still sucks because its still implying that getting revenge is abusive#its not lol.#let survivors cope and heal the way they think is best for them
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domesticmail · 1 year
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ozzgin · 6 months
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I love your reader insert stuff!! The yandere yazuka series was vvvv entertaining, I wish I had a big scary gangster to scare away my stalker lol
If you are open to requests, how about Idol!Reader x Yandere!Bodyguard. I love the trope so much, and I'm interested and what you'd do with the idea. No worries if you're not interested tho!
Best wishes
-🌟
I just finished writing it and you've got me punching the air with your prompt. It wasn't really my thing but I'm now sold. Thank you for the trope idea. :’)
Yandere!Bodyguard x Idol!Reader (I)
Short scenario featuring your bodyguard that takes his duty a little too seriously. Not that you’d mind…
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]
TW: violence
(Cover from the manga “A girl and her guard dog”)
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"Fantastic show tonight!"
The older man guides you in and closes the door behind him. You smile warmly and seat yourself on the sofa. He quickly follows, although at a terribly uncomfortable proximity. His legs are pressed against yours and he extends an arm behind you, pretending to stretch. You shuffle awkwardly and lock your hands in your lap. You can already tell where this is going.
"With your talent, I'm confident we could triple the number of attendants. We just need a bigger venue." He nods at you and taps your thigh with his other free hand as encouragement. You notice the wedding band digging into his skin. 
"Alas, let us not waste the evening with business talk. I'm sure a stunning lady like you has better things to do." He laughs at his own compliment and ponders for a minute. "In fact, why don't we have dinner together? I know a great restaurant in the area."
You open your mouth to speak, but are distracted by the sudden, mild pressure on your leg. Somehow, his greasy fingers have wandered further up in the time you listened to his shameless offer. You've been in this career for long enough to guess what such proposals entail. If you say no, best case scenario he presses further, calling you a stuck up bitch and reminding you who has the power in this partnership. Worst case scenario, he leaves the room and the calls and invitations to perform will gradually drop. 
Yet your situation is special, benefitting from an additional possibility. A loophole, if you may.
Should you scream? Oh, he always gets so angry when you act scared. It's an immediate trigger. He really has a soft spot for your glistening, frightened eyes. You glance up one final time at the perverted smirk silently disregarding you. If you are to be honest with yourself, you'd very much enjoy seeing it wiped off forever. Why not? You're feeling particularly mean today.
So without hesitation, you release a high pitched yell of help. The door bursts open and the hinges creak. A tall, toned man walks in, and without a word he lunges at the manager, pulling him by the collar of his cheap dress jacket. You hold your cheeks dramatically, and bat your eyelashes at your bodyguard.
"H-he tried to molest me..." you mumble between sobs.
That's all he needs to proceed. Now the real fun begins. You can hear the muffled screams of protest. The bones crack and the flesh bends under his iron fists. Standing before your bodyguard, they all end up looking like ragdolls. Comically limp and weak, folding and breaking with no resistance. It amuses you greatly.
When did it all begin? You can't remember anymore. You were in your early years and this scary looking stranger entered your little backstage room. His explanation was brief and to the point: as your fame increases, so will the threats to your safety. He was appointed as your bodyguard. You couldn't care less, so you just shrugged. 
You've always been on the playful side. Not necessarily rude, just some innocent tease and banter wherever it's well received. Seeing him so quiet and stoic, you couldn't help but try to push his buttons: changing in front of him and requiring his assistance, occasionally asking him to pick you up and carry you because you could no longer walk. Naturally you would've stopped at the first complaint, but that's the strange part: no reaction ever came. He went along with everything. You assumed it's part of the job. Celebrities aren't known for their good manners, so hiring someone that loses their temper easily would be a fast ticket to termination.
Then you had your first encounter with one of the unpleasant fans you've been warned about. You could only stare in terror at your bodyguard's feral, unhinged reaction. The unfortunate fan's face was so disfigured, you wondered if anyone could ever manage to fix it back into shape. The bodyguard was panting and you could see the sweat coating his face and chest. You were rather confident there were many other ways to deal with it and this wasn't on the recommended list. Thus you felt compelled to ask the million dollar question:
"You act like a jealous spouse. Do you have a crush on me or something?"
You kind of regretted your audacity towards a man that had just nearly killed someone. But his features softened instantly and he turned to you, wiping his forehead and straightening his collar. 
"I suppose so. Is that an issue?"
As you stared ahead, processing his unbothered act, you sensed your cheeks feverishly burning. Uh oh. You hadn't anticipated such a nonchalant confession. You thought back to all the times you stood before him, bare and flirty. Was he merely holding back his urges the entire time? Or was he finally paying you back for all the teasing? Then again, his face didn't betray any hint of humor.
"I've never heard you joke before", you decided to test the waters.
"I'm not. Why would I joke about something like this?" He gazed at you incredulously. 
As somber and honest as ever. Well, that would indeed explain why he'd let you get away with the cheeky behavior. The more you considered it, the more entranced you became with the idea of indulging in such a relationship. As a famous idol, you couldn't be seen dating anyone. One rumor of you having a boyfriend and the agency would've had your ass suspended. But no one said anything about messing around with your bodyguard. He has to be with you all the time, so no one would suspect a thing. And you could definitely expand his list of responsibilities. You'd been terribly stressed lately, after all, and an outlet to release your frustrations would be most welcomed. Your bodyguard would never refuse pleasing his beloved.
You chuckled and pulled him towards your dressing room, giddy with excitement. Something about his imposing presence, like a wild animal that had just escaped from the leash, aroused you to no end. You've had your share of crazy fans, but this was the cherry on top. 
"Should we leave?"
You're jolted out of your daydreams by his low, rough voice. Ah, you missed the grand finale. Too bad. The bodyguard approaches you, with the shirt wrinkled and the top buttons popped open under the shuffle of his vicious attack. You can feel the knot forming in your stomach.
"Not yet. You know how I get when you act like this..." You pout and look away. "You need to take care of me first."
He grins at your last statement.
"Of course. Is the sofa okay?"
You nod.
"Then let's get you undressed, miss."
Is this what they call a scary dog privilege? 
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fluffylino · 6 months
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soft!hyunjin
you never liked arguments
-very fluffy, pure fluffiness
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water ran down your body. you didn't like this feeling that you felt. nothing made sense anymore. your mind was a mess.
arguments.
you despised it so much because of how your parents were.
unecessary. things could be cleared quietly without shouting and getting angry with eachother. it reminded you of your father. his harsh words. the shouting. the swearing. the silent treatment.
although what hyunjin did was minor. he would never curse at you or call you names regardless of whether he was annoyed.
what happened today was a mistake. it had escalated to the point that hyunjin was ignoring you. at this point you couldn't even blame him. maybe you were being emotional. but it did bring back bad memories of arguments.
you hadn't even realised your breath had got stuck in your throat. tears blurred your vision. your head felt light as the water became hotter. steam filling up the bathroom.
"baby!" hyunjin yelled, kicking the door open. you hadn't even heard him. his hand tugged you out, before you could even comprehend anything.
"thank god you left the door unlocked. i was searching for you"
he pulled you flush against him. you couldn't hold your tears in anymore.
"I don't like this, i hate it" you sobbed out, shaking against hyunjin's body that was embracing you.
"i'm sorry, my angel...i'm so sorry my sweetheart" you could feel the pain in his voice. you couldn't help it. everything was triggering and you were unable to control your emotions.
"i don't want to fight. i can't...it hurts"
without caring, he pulled you out not bothering if you were naked. he sat you down on the counter near the sink. your legs dangled down, and he wasted no time to hug you. not bothering that his clothes were getting wet.
"its okay you're okay we're okay" hyunjin reassured, his arms wrapped around you. his fingers stroking your back.
"breathe baby..i'm here" he whispered, pulling his head back to wipe your tears.
"we're never arguing again" you shivered, suddenly hit with a cold draft. you wrapped your legs around his hips.
"im cold hyunnie" you muttered, voice cracking while pushing yourself against his body. he was warm and his soft shirt felt nice against your bare skin.
"lets shower together, hm" he suggested, hands steadily holding you. he rubbed your bare back soothingly. you couldn't bring myself to nod, instead opting to try and look at him.
his eyes were teary and his eyebrows furrowed with worry.
"my pretty baby, don't cry please. i'm sorry" he kissed your forehead.
"i'm so stupid. please forgive me." hyunjin softly pecked your nose.
a small gesture that made your heart hurt with how genuinely heart felt he was being. carefully he carried you, making you stand under the shower. it was perfect. you watched as he took his soaking wet shirt off and tugged his pants and everything else off. hurriedly stepping into the shower. to be as close to you as possible. his body pressed against yours in the misr intimate lovely way possible.
"my gorgeous darling" you cried harder when he cupped your face to place a chaste kiss on your lips.
"i'm sorry...i'm sorry for not talking to you. it was childish and dramatic of me to do that"
"i'm s-sorry too" you mumbled. maybe you were being a teeny weeny bit emotional.
"i'm the one whose sorry baby...you did nothing wrong"
another kiss to your face. the water was hot against your skin but his body provided you with a warmth that reached your heart.
"I love you so much, my love...please never forget that"
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ambersky0319 · 2 years
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don't you just love dysfunctional families?
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overtail · 2 months
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Late Night Brew - Zuko x Reader 🔞
🔥🛀🏻
Jesus, yall are FREAKS for zuko
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Summary: After Iroh opens the Jasmine Dragon, he hires a new worker -- a pretty girl, one around Zuko's age. While Iroh is taking a trip to the market for more supplies after work, desperation unfolds.
Trigger Warning: NSFW, Soft Sex, Cussing, Semi-public Sex, Body Worship, and Zuko acting like an awkward turtle duck.
Micheal, I know ur reading this
...
Zuko didn't like the new waitress.
She didn't do anything in particular to get on his bad side, he just couldn't stand her.
He hated how she looked in her apron, how the skirt she wore rode up a little too high on her thighs.
He hated how her hip popped when she was standing still while taking orders.
He hated all her curves, her moles, and her messy hair; how it all made her so beautiful.
And he especially hated that at night, when he laid in bed in that cold apartment, how he couldn't get her face out of his mind. How the image of her body echoed in his head while he reached his hands into his pants.
He wanted her gone.
"Lee, could you help me with the tables?"
Zuko wiped the counters of the bar, groaning at the sound of her voice. He turned around, only to see her back to him.
He watched as her arm worked on a stained table, trying to get a mark from condensation out.
"Can't you just do it yourself?"
He grumbled, shaking his head and turning back around. It's not like he had much to do -- he just didn't want to work so close to her.
"I've got one table left and my shift ends in two minutes. I'd rather not work unpaid overtime."
He heard her say. Even with Zuko's rude attitude, she still had a soft tone with him; she spoke to him like he was a fussy toddler.
Which he sort of was.
Zuko grumbled a few curses under his breath, grabbing the hand towel he was just using to walk over to one of the tables.
He looked at (Y/N), looking at her thighs and her hips. His face flushing red, turning and brushing back his short black hair.
The table he had to clean wasn't the dirtiest. It had a single cup on it, and a few spills here and there. He wanted to get away as soon as possible, so he could just go home and relax.
Well, his version of relaxing.
He palmed his growing erection through his pants, trying to subside it for at least the remaining two minutes.
"Thank you, Lee."
Zuko heard the smile from her voice, face growing red at her kindness. Even if it wasn't his real name, he felt giddy at the way she said Lee.
All he did was nod, grabbing the cup and wiping off the tea from the table. He marched to the sink in the back room. Zuko grabbed the sponge that sat on the wooden counter, already full with soap. He began to scrub, getting the smell of Jasmine tea out from the cup -- even if it was his favorite.
As he did so, (Y/N)'s soft footsteps were sounded from behind him. He let out an exasperated groan, not wanting to stand next to her.
(Y/N) walked up quiet, placing three cups in the sink. One stayed in her hand, grabbing the other. sponge and pouring some soap in the glass.
There was an awkward silence between the two -- at least on his end.
As she was cleaning, her elbow bumped into his side. He didn't say anything, just kept cleaning the cup. The second time though, it started to bother him. And when the third time hit, he was set off.
"Can you stop doing that?"
He yelled, looking at her with angry eyes. She looked up with her mouth still agape, her eyes meeting with him amber ones.
"Oh, I'm sorry. There's just not much space back here.."
Her face flushed red with embarrassment. Zuko rolled his eyes.
"I already don't want to be back here with you, let alone have to be touched by you."
(Y/N)'s eyes widened, eyebrows lifting quickly. She pursed her lips.
"What is your problem Lee? All i've done is try to be friends with you -- and you just treat me like garbage!"
Her voice was raised, and she poked his chest with her thin fingers. She was kind of cute when she was mad; the way her nose scrunched made his stomach flutter.
"Have you considered the fact that i don't want to be friends with the likes of you?"
He bickered, peering his eyes down to her. She gasped slightly, shoulders raising in surprise.
"With the likes of me? What do you mean the likes of me?"
She stepped even closer to him, their chests almost touching.
Zuko scoffed at her words, rolling his eyes.
"I don't associate with peasants."
And his heart stopped.
(Y/N) was from the lower ring of Ba Sing Se. His uncle Iroh had hired her while he watched her get fired from her other job, feeling bad for her.
Zuko didn't mean peasant in that way. He was just thinking like the old Zuko -- the one that hunted the avatar and did anything to regain his honor back. But he was supposed to be Lee now, a traveler, a teenage boy that works in a tea shop, who just happened to be lucky enough to live in a nice apartment.
"Peasant?"
Her words sounded broken. Her voice cracked as she muttered the words, lower than the loud voice she was using before.
"I get you're from the upper ring -- but peasant? Really?"
She shook her head, stepping back. Zuko felt like he was floating away from the lack of closeness from her.
"That's not what i meant."
Zuko said, closing his eyes and sighing.
"It's just -- i have issues."
He never liked admitting he had problems. He was supposed to be Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation, prissy and perfect.
"Yeah, you do."
(Y/N) said, looking Zuko up and down. Her eyes winded slightly, cheeks growing even redder than before.
Zuko raised a brow, confused at what she was looking at. He looked down and then realized.
"Wait, it's not what it looks like-"
"Is this.."
She began, looking back up at him.
"..turning you on?"
She said curiously, turning her head.
(Y/N) stepped forward, her hands lying on her hips. She was about the same height as Zuko -- since he was significantly short.
"Is that why you're so mean to me?"
She placed her hand on his chest, causing Zuko to take a deep breath in.
Oh Spirits.
"Because you like me?"
They were too close. Way too close. He was getting harder by the second, not knowing what to do.
So he did the only thing that came to mind.
He reached his hands forward, grabbing her face in his hands. He pulled her forward, placing his chapped lips tenderly on hers. He stayed still for a moment, never having kissed a girl before.
He leaned back awkwardly, still holding her face in his hands.
His index finger brushed a hair from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear.
(Y/N) had never been this close to him before. She was able to admire his face entirely as he focused on the strand of hair, looking at his scar and the light freckles that dotted his pale skin. He had bags under his eyes, and she wondered what caused it.
"You're pretty."
She said, grabbing his face with one hand. He flinched lightly, eyes flickering back to her. He wasn't used to such a touch -- not feeling it since he last saw his mother.
Zuko leaned into it, letting her fingers form around the shape of his jaw. His eye lashed flickered as he blinked, and she admired the entirety of him.
"Thanks.. you too."
He said, not knowing how to respond. He didn't ever get compliments.
"You know, you could have just told me that you liked me."
(Y/N) laughed, causing Zuko to look away.
"I don't like you."
He grumbled, looking at the wall above the sink.
She laughed, turning his head with her palm to look at her. She used her other hand to place it on his crotch, grinning wildly,
"What's this then?"
Zuko looked down, feeling a rush of ecstasy flow through his body. He whimpered softly, his eyes closing from it.
"That's enough to tell me you like me."
...
In the next minute, Zuko's lips were on her neck. She was on the counter next to the sink, legs wrapped around Zuko's torso, Her hand was tangled in his short hair, the other gripping the edge of the counter,
Zuko was holding her waist, his right hand gripping the fat of her thigh. He loved being this close, the agility to breath her in making him feel incredibly hot.
"Lee, I love this as much as you do, but we need to start quickly before Mushi gets back."
Zuko groaned against her neck, removing his lips from her soft skin. He was reluctant, but she was right. Regrettably.
"Yeah, right."
He stepped back, beginning to unbuckle the belt that held up his pants. He look up suddenly, face growing hot,
"Could you uhm, close your eyes,,"
He muttered shyly, getting a smile out of (Y/N). She nodded, closing her eyes. Zuko fully took his pants off, now sliding his boxers from his waist. He was practically in pain from all this, and he needed relief soon. He walked closer, close enough that his member hid under the lip of her skirt. She took this as an okay, opening her eyes only to be met with Zuko's amber ones,
She reached down, pulling her underwear to the side, The cold night air hit her exposed parts, making her shiver.
"Okay. I'm ready, Lee."
Zuko placed one hand on the base of him, lining himself up with (Y/N). She scrunched her eyes at the feeling of his tip entering her, toes curling in her sandals, Zuko then grabbed her hips, looking up at her.
Then he bucked his hips forward.
"Shit!"
(Y/N) squealed, squeazing Zuko's tense shoulders. He groaned, one of his eyes closing shut. She felt so good -- better than he could ever have imagined. The nights he spent awake, whimpering her name as his hand rubbed his length up and down, imaging her bent over the tables of the tes shop, in his bed, and even in the back room.
He fully slid in, letting out a mix of illegible words. All that (Y/N) could make out was her name.
He pulled out before pushing back in again. She moaned, throwing her head back. zzuko got a good look at her neck, the hockey's that he had placed only minutes before.
Soon, they were at a regular place. Out, in. Out, in. The room was filled with soft groans, and Zuko could already feel his arrival coming. It was all too much. His eyes were currently chained to her crotch, watching himself slide in and out. He then looked up, making eye contact with (Y/N).
"Lee.."
She said in an airy voice, palm grazing his clenched jaw. That's what did it for him, the sight of her unraveling beneath him. Ropes of white shot out of him, painting the inside of her white. He kept pounding into her, riding out his orgasm.
...
lwk lost my motivation at the end......
514 notes · View notes
gracieheartspedro · 8 months
Text
Trash Talk
abby anderson x fem!reader
Tumblr media
description: you and abby anderson go waaayyy back, and she can't stand you. after being distant for years, you can't help but pick on her and get under her skin. you can't help yourself. maybe it's those god damn arms and that cute smile she makes sometimes. so, why not try to bully her enough so she will take you to bed?
word count: 7.1k
warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, nsfw, smut, wlw, some slight bullying, threatening of one's life, murder (reader kills scars), use of guns, dom!abby, fingering, eating out, shower sex, use of a strap on, dirty talk, abby calls reader tons of names, major teasing!!
author's note: first abby one shot. let's goooo! lemme know what you guys think. I really liked writing this and I'm down for any requests for abby or ellie!! love you guysssss <3
“Are you the one braiding your hair every day or do you have some pretty girl do it for you?”
Abby’s head spun over how dumb your questions had been all afternoon. Luckily for her, you were being quiet up until this moment. 
You are propped up beside her on the back of the jeep, your rifle slung across your lap. You were itching to get a rise out her today, it was fun to watch her eyes roll into the back of her head. 
She cocks her gun, her eyes trained forward and away from you. She’s always on edge when you’re out on patrol. Her furrowed eyebrows and tense shoulders made your relaxed and at ease body language look unjustified. 
“I braid it myself,” Is all she says. You train your eyes to watch her muscles flex as she inspects her gun closely. You contemplate your answer, do you ask if she can braid yours next or do you ask if that’s how she got those insane arms of hers. 
You don’t make a decision by the time Manny slams on the breaks, unexpectedly. Abby’s body flies into yours, sliding across the bench and crashing into your side. You wince, snapping your head forward to the road. 
“We got company, chicas!”
You duck when the first shot hits the steel of the car. Abby grabs your waist, dragging you down onto the bed of the SUV. She didn’t want your death on her hands, knowing Isaac would never forgive her for losing his best gunner. You roll away from her grasp, propping your rifle forward where Manny is driving. 
Scars on horseback surround the road in front of you. 
They are easy to take out when they are high up, for you at least. 
“Manny, duck your head!” You holler, glancing back at Abby who’s hand is still somehow on you. She looks conflicted, her gun still loosely in her grip. 
You prop your gun up, aiming at a older man on the closest horse trailing the jeep. He has a bow, which doesn’t move as fast as your bullet. You ease into the trigger, taking out the guy with a head shot. You didn’t have time to think about your reasonings for killing the guy, you never had the time to think about it. You knew that these men would kill Manny, Abby, and you, if they had the chance, so you guess the proper reaction is a bullet to the skull. 
You hear Abby yelling something but your ears are ringing at the sound of you taking out each Scar one-by-one. You don’t even let them get behind the SUV, knowing they would be getting a better shot at you. Once the last one flies off the back of their horse at the impact of your bullet, you sit up. 
You realize that Abby hasn’t fired a single shot. 
“I think we have a flat tire! I’m gonna pull off when I find cover,” Manny explains, his voice loud over the sound of the ringing in your ears. 
Abby sits up beside you, gripping the side of the bench with her left hand. She gets a good look at your completely unfazed face and it pisses her off. You never had a moment to second guess your actions and you never had an honest reaction to killing upward of 7 men. You were always stone cold and even. You weren’t always like that. You used to have some life left in your steely eyes. At least, that’s what she thought. 
You were disassociated from the entire world when put in any situation that could be deemed “dangerous”. It’s almost like a completely different person took over your body. Your reactions were not your own. But when you finally came to, your bones would vibrate with anxiety and adrenaline. You were just a master at disguising it because you didn’t want everyone around you to see you as weak. You can never be weak, again. 
Even if Abby took out that many men, which she has done before, she still walks away with a small inkling of guilt written on her face. You don’t even quiver at the sight of violence and death, not that she sees, anyway. 
But it does eat away at you. You’re plagued with nightmares if you can ever even find sleep at night. Most nights are spent curled into a ball, staring off into space, praying the walls will just cave in and suffocate you. You hardly eat most of the time, the thought of munching on food makes you nauseous. 
Manny pulls into a familiar warehouse that’s usually a stopping point for one of your patrol routes. The jeep is jittering, chugging forward with a scraping noise. You stand up when it completely stops, jumping down from the side. You sling your backpack over your shoulder and your gun strap across your other.
You watch Abby jump down after you, her impact on the ground loud. She stares at you with this annoyed look on her face. 
“What’s wrong, baby girl? Mad you didn’t get a shot off?”
Your tone makes her ball her hands into fists.
“Can you shut your fucking mouth ever?”
Manny chirps in quickly after she says it, “Ay! Quit it you two!”
You bow your head, “Yeah, Abby. You need to blow off some steam. Gettin’ all worked up.”
Manny slaps your shoulder lightly, gesturing you two to get inside the warehouse. You knew you had to clear it before you settled in to discuss the next game plan. You stand there watching Abby strut towards you, her eyes scanning your body up and down. 
She is only a little bit taller than you, but she’s built like an ox. When you two were acquainted, she was about your stature. Now that she needs to prove herself, she bulked up and became even more hot. 
“You’re lucky Isaac needs your ass, because if were up to me, I’d send you straight to the Island and watch them pick you apart.”
Her voice is vicious and you could tell she was pissed at you for teasing her. It only made you smile in sick pleasure. You craved getting under her skin. 
“Love it when you talk dirty to me, Abs.”
She ignores your comment, knowing exactly what you were trying to do. You were doing it so well, too. 
You three creep inside the warehouse, stalking around the open area, ensuring there’s no one nearby to sneak up on you. Your running low on ammo, but you didn’t want to ask Abby for a new magazine. She would bitch you out for not grabbing an extra. With that in mind, you sling your rifle across your back and pull out your pistol. You cock it, which interupts the silence you three had been settling in. 
“A pistol?” Manny questions, quietly. You nod slowly, discharging the magazine to make sure you had a stacked shell. 
You huff, “Yeah, I’m out of hallow points for the rifle.”
Abby stops in her tracks, “You forgot another magazine, didn’t you?”
She wanted so badly to be right, especially when it came to you fucking up. You stare at her as you shove the magazine back into the grip. 
“Eat my ass, Abby.”
She laughs, watching your face fall as you cock the gun again. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
Manny grimaces, “Please, stop, you two. Let’s get this place clear and then figure out what we do next.”
Manny was right. You and Abby separate, both of you trailing up some stairs to the extended area of the warehouse. You check every corner on your side, ensuring no one will be sneaky and catch you all off guard. Once you all decide it’s clear, you meet up at the staircase Manny is walking down.
Manny was a good friend and a rare hookup. You had slept with him a couple times and while he was always a generous guy, he never made you cum. He always joked that it was because you liked girls better, and truthfully, he may be right. He was handsome but he never really did it for you. 
Abby, on the other hand, you and her went way back and she did it for you. Before becoming Isaac’s favorite, you were pretty good friends with her. You two sat together in “school” and she taught you how to make someone pass out by putting them in a headlock. You had confided in her about your past and she was the only one who truly knew everything. You genuinely liked her and wanted so badly to tell her how you felt. But once Isaac took interest in your skill set, he trained you vigorously with his top men. You had no time for anything anymore. It pissed Abby off so much, for some odd reason. You’d think a friend would be proud that the head honcho took interest in you and wanted to make you better. But instead, Abby took it as a personal jab and started ignoring you. When you confronted her, she told you that she was too busy for friends. That, of course, didn’t stop her from having a whole ass friend group without you. When you befriended Manny, he told you that Abby only saw you as competition. 
So you became even better. Not wanting to repeat the same mistake, you kept everyone at an arms length and avoided getting close with anyone. It made you withdrawn, and eventually, you realized you were not meant to be a friend to anyone. You were made to be a killer.  
“So what do we do now? Go back or go to our assigned checkpoint?”
Abby’s training her eyes on Manny and Manny only. She refuses to even glance your direction. You turn your gun safety on and tuck it into your waistband. 
“How far do you think we are from the checkpoint?” You question, crossing your arms across your chest. 
“Too fuckin’ far,” Abby responds, still not looking at you.
You smirk, “Perfect, then let’s do that. Maybe Abby can get her finger on a trigge-“
Before you can finish your sentence, Abby’s reaching out and pulling your body towards her by your shirt. You don’t even flinch, your body just flies forward as she finally stares daggers into you. You like being this close to her, it makes the hair on your arms stand up. 
“I swear to God,” She’s gritting her teeth, “If you don’t stop fucking around, I’ll kill you with my bare hands.”
You press yourself closer to her. Her fist with your balled up shirt grazes your boobs. Manny doesn’t say anything, just rolls his eyes, anticipating your response. You like this game. The one where you tease Abby and she becomes enraged by your words and eventually it comes to a tipping point. She’s always just thrown something, her manhandling you was new.  
“I’d love to see you try, sweetheart,” You mutter, your face millimeters from hers, “I don’t think you’re remembering what our body counts are and who’s surpassing the other by a fucking landslide.”
“I’d love to add you to mine, that’s for damn sure,” She responds quickly, eager to one up you. You giggle at the double meaning that comes to mind. You would like to be on her body count list, for sure.
“Stop it!”
You both shoot a look at Manny who’s nudging you two apart. Abby unhands your shirt, and you step backward away from her, tripping a bit over some broken concrete. She looks you up and down with disgust. 
“You need to stop acting like you’re better than everyone else,” She grumbles, ignoring Manny’s pleas for a truce. 
“You need to stop acting so serious all the time! Get a grip, I’m just fuckin’ with you.”
“I said stop! I knew you guys hated one another but I didn’t know this was gonna be a who’s dick is bigger competition. You both need to relax!”
Abby’s face is twisted and you hated that you found it attractive. God, you wanted to fucking hate her. 
Abby crosses her arms, flexing them right in front of you. She notices your expression change. She knew you had a little crush before, but she thought that feeling was long gone. She shoves the small inkling of optimism that you may still feel that way down.
Manny speaks up again, “We should just head back and tell Isaac we will head back out tomorrow morning. It’s going to be dark in about an hour. It’s too risky.”
“Agreed,” Abby tightens up her folded arms, “If you wanna go out by yourself, you can do that. We can tell Isaac you went awol.”
You smirk at her suggestion, “No, I want to be there to tell him you can’t pull your punches. Be way more satisfying to watch you squirm.”
-
“I’m glad everyone was okay,” Isaac says, his deep voice dropping an octave, “I’ll get more guys to go with you tomorrow morning. You three get back here at sunrise, okay?”
You clear your throat, “Want me to run through how to shoot a gun with Abby before we ship out?”
Manny huffs, “Come on, dude.”
“I think she’d benefit from it,” You say matter-of-factly to Isaac. You can feel Abby’s gaze burning into you. She’s leaning against the door frame, while you are seated in front of Isaac’s sprawling desk. You always felt like he only sat there to seem more authoritative. To you, he was just a man. 
“Play nice, little one,” He stands up from his rolling chair to stand in front of your manspreaded legs, “You still need to prove to me that you’re loyal. Don’t think I forgot about the incident at the hospital last week.”
Your stomach drops while Abby’s ears perk up.
“What happened at the hospital last week?”
Her voice is eager, which only makes you angrier. You adjust yourself in your seat, sitting up straighter. 
“She refused to kill a Scar,” He explains, teetering over you, “She shot a Wolf instead.”
“He demanded I gut a child in front of her mother. I am not going to do shit like that.”
Isaac chuckles before slamming his fist down on the table beside him, “You can and you fuckin’ will. If I get any more push back from you, I’ll get Anderson here to take you out herself.”
You stand up quickly, avoiding everyone’s gazes. You want to throw your knife into his throat, but you know that wouldn’t end well. You didn’t want to have to be on the run again.
Being humiliated in front of Abby and Manny made you feel sick. You hadn’t felt shame in so long, not even when you were reprimanded last week for shooting that guy between the eyes. You were lucky he was just some new recruit and had no family back at the Stadium. Isaac spared you because he needs you. You’re a good asset. 
“We clear?” 
His voice bounces off the wall. You don’t say anything, you just nod slightly and storm out of the office. You hear the door slam behind you as you swiftly walk towards the staircase. There’s men loitering in the hallway, waiting for Isaac to tell them to go kill another Scar. Pathetic, you thought. 
You start to think about how didn’t want to face Abby and Manny tomorrow, but you knew better to ignore direct orders. Maybe a shower would rinse off the disgusting dirty feeling that plagued your skin. 
-
“Didn’t know I was workin’ with a traitor today,” Abby says from behind you. You’re in the community bathrooms, cursing that it’s even a thing because you knew some shit like this would happen. You thought since it was midnight, you wouldn’t have any company. You were, of course, wrong. 
Abby has her towel draped over her broad shoulder and a small container with her soaps. You were just about to strip down and take one of the spickets on the tiled wall when she interrupts your routine.
You swallow hard, not in the mood to argue with her. Even if there’s no one around, you don’t feel like entertaining anymore.
“‘M not a traitor. I just don’t kill children.” 
You had very limited morals, but you drew the line at children. You remember what it was like to watch your friends get picked off by raiders when you were a kid. You remember being horrified hearing the screams of their mothers. You remember the innocence being stripped from you. You can’t stomach the idea of killing someone who has no control over their life or the decisions of others, so you don’t. 
Isaac showed no mercy to any Scar, but you did and he was trying his very hardest to beat that out of you. The only reason you were stuck on the patrol with Manny and Abby in the first place was because he knocked you down to more minor runs and not the intense ones you were on before. It was your “punishment” for disrespecting authority. You were lucky to even have your head after killing that guy in front of other Wolves. 
Abby grumbles something inaudible. 
“You remember when we were forced to watch those daycare kids after not doing our morning mile?” You reflect, thinking back to easier times with Abby, “Imagine one of those innocent kids being gutted by a machete and it’s your own hand doing it. If a child is going to die in the name of some stupid land, I don’t want to be the one holding the weapon. Isaac can have sociopaths like you to do that.”
“Me? The sociopath? If I’m remembering correctly, they gave you the nickname Heartless after your run through on the East side a couple months ago,” Abby’s voice is venmous, “You are the top Scar killer right now. You kill and you don’t even flinch.”
“I kill people who try to kill me,” You grab the hem of your top, pulling it over your head, “I need to protect myself. And whoever I’m with. I’m not given a choice.”
“Was that guy trying to kill you? The one you shot between the eyes?”
You’re silent. She poses a good question, a question you don’t have a good answer for. You turn to face her, and the first thing you realize is her braid is becoming unraveled. You purse your lips, racking your brain for a response after being distracted. The only rebuttal is a question, something that has eaten you alive ever since it started.
“Why do you hate me so fuckin’ much?” 
She cocks her head to the side, “Are you serious right now?”
Deep down, Abby never hated you. She was jealous of you. She wanted everything you had. She couldn’t stand seeing someone be better than her, especially a girl she liked. And you did everything so well. She harbored a secret crush on you for a while, even when she was with Owen. She hated that she liked you and you were leaving her behind to advance up the ranks. She only wanted your attention, truthfully. Now, since she distanced herself from you, everything you did ate her alive. While poking fun at her was your way of flirting, Abby reeled over it every night before bed. How could you be so mean?
“We were friends, Abby. I told you about my family. I told you everything, and as soon as I got in with Isaac, you iced me out. Told me you didn’t need friends,” You huff out, “I knew that was a lie then and I know it’s a fuckin’ lie now because you have friends. Lots of them. Why couldn’t I be your friend?”
“Because I can’t be friends with you!”
Her voice is high pitched, almost shaky. You take a step forward and for once she doesn’t step away from you. You’re in her space, your hip bone millimeters from her hands. Your eyes are trained on her reaction, which is just her eyes averting away from you. 
“Why can’t we be friends, Abs?”
You reach up, grabbing her messy braid softly. She flinches a bit, easing into the idea of you touching her. It’s been a long time since you were this close to her without her resisting. She still won’t look you in the eyes. Your fingers travel down her mousey braid until you’re trailing her collarbone and wide shoulders. As your digits trace her bicep, she finally looks at you for a moment. The tension is palpable, your question still hanging in the air. 
“You’re impossible,” She murmurs, her eyes flicking away again, “And you’re despicable. You think you’re bett-”
“Cut the shit,” Your hand stops right at her wrist and you wrap your much smaller hand around it. You know the real reason she won’t be your friend, it’s written all over her face, “You hate me because you want me, Abby. You always have. Almost as much as I want you.”
“Want is a strong word,” She chirps, “I was in a relationship when we were friends. I had Ow-”
“Don’t even say his fuckin’ name,” Your free hand tilts her head back toward your gaze. You hated that fucker for messing with your Abby, “Can you just indulge me? Admit that the reason you’re pissy with me is because you want me between your legs?”
You can feel her tense up, her jaw going slack. 
“Nah, don’t think that’s what I want,” Her voice finally changes. It’s more sultry, the tone shifting with the conversation. She shakes out of your grip, bringing her hand up to your chin, “Think I need to teach you a thing or two. Shut that stupid smart mouth up for a minute.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, you’ve been a fuckin’ bitch and you need to be taught a lesson,” Hearing the words come out her mouth has your core clenching with anticipation. She’s silent waiting for you to agree, but you just stare at her with a smirk. “Do you need me to show you here or do you want me to show you in your room?”
“Why not yours?”
“Because Manny is there. Unless you want to give him a show like the slut I know you are.”
She makes the hair on your arms stand up. She scans your body as you contemplate your options. This is a moment you’d been waiting for, so you can’t fuck it up. You finally have her exactly where you want her. 
You can’t be caked in dirt and grime when she’s devouring you, right?
“I need a shower,” You mutter. It catches her off guard. You swallow before continuing, “I think you need one, too. So, how about we take our showers and then you can walk me back to my room.”
She doesn’t even say anything, just begins stripping off her tank top. She’s sporting a black sports bra underneath and my God, does she look good in only a bra. You have seen her in a bra before, but never with a six pack and huge arms like she has now. She smiles at your gawking. She shoves off her cargo pants, leaving her just in her underwear and bra. 
You finally come to your senses and start stripping as she walks over to one of the shower heads and turns it on. She looks excellent from the back, too, you think. 
“We don’t have all night,” She groans, watching you slowly start undoing your bra, “Hurry up before I change my mind.”
You walk towards the shower head next to the one that’s running for her. She pulls the hem of her bra up and off, revealing her full chest to you. You follow her lead, undoing the back of your bra and letting your breasts free. The water is soaking your feet and you still have your underwear on. It’s almost like a competition as to who can break first and touch the other, and it wasn’t going to be you. You shimmy your underwear off, tossing both your bra and panties to the pile outside of the shower. 
“Jesus Christ,” She howls as you let the water take over your body. Her eyes are glued to your chest, “It’s like they got bigger.”
You sneer at her comment, “I could say the same about you in general.”
“Yeah?” She slips off her underwear, leaving nothing to imagination anymore. She caves first, creeping into your stream of hot water with you and wrapping her large arms around your waist. Chills shoot up every part of your body when her lips dip down to leave open mouth kisses on your shoulder blade. Her hands trail upward from your hips to your stomach to your tits. You watch in disbelief when her massive hands take up most of your boobs. She cradles them in her palms before massaging you tenderly. You’re already a moaning mess, pushing your ass into her crotch. 
“Let’s get you clean since that’s what you want,” She drops your boobs before reaching out for her soap. She starts to lather herself up before her hands return to your buzzing body. You let her hands wander, coating you in her pine soap. You didn’t care for the scent, but it smelled like her and you always wanted that scent on your body. 
She manhandles you a bit before using your arm to twist you around to face her. She’s staring down at you, her pupils dark with desire. You realize her hair is still in a braid and resting on her bare shoulder. While she continues to rub you down, you grab the end of her braid and start to undo it. 
When her wavy hair is released from the hair tie, you realize how long it is now. No wonder she keeps it braided, it must get in her way. 
“May need to rebraid your hair,” You mutter, your hand still dancing around her decolletage.
“I’ll just have you hold it up while I eat you out.”
You smirk as she focuses her attention on pinching and tugging on your hard nipples. You ogle her, unsure how you got here. Earlier she was threatening to kill you, now she’s toying with your body and leaving you the wettest you’ve ever been. She backs you into the water, having you rinse off the suds. 
“Abby,” You finally catch her gaze and her lips are pursed in concentration. She looks at your expression and then it finally happens. She kisses you, feverishly. You almost slip on the wet floor as she aggressively pushes you back against the tiled wall. Luckily, her arm is completely enveloping your hip, keeping you stable against her. Your bodies are wet and burning with desire, eager to touch every inch of each other. Abby pulls away, catching her breath. 
“We need to speed this part up, I need to fuck you.”
You chuckle, wrapping your arms around her neck, “We are having fun though, aren’t we?”
She shakes her head, “Rinse yourself off, no more back talk.”
She pulls away from you, quickly showering herself. You don’t even wash your hair like you need to, you just watch her lather her body up, slowly circling your clit with your middle and pointer finger. She does not even realize what you’re doing until you are moaning in her direction. 
“You’re a dirty little girl, aren’t you?”
She pulls your hand away from your sensitive nub, using you as leverage when she gets on her knees. She’s staring up at you, pulling you forward by your ass. She looks too good at this angle. 
“Please, Abby,” You beg, wanting her to devour you whole.
“Hold my hair, baby. Just like I said.”
She nudges your knees apart, her face centimeters from your dripping core. She uses her long fingers to spread apart your pussy lips, soaking in the fact that she was the one who made you this wet. You reach down, pulling her long locks upward to get them off her shoulders. When she creeps in closer, her tongue is extended outward. As soon as it makes contact with your slit, you throw your head back, your hand full of hair loosening. She works her tongue around your pussy, pressing forward even more. She has her full face in you, her nose poking your clit every time she moves her tongue and lips. 
You’ve never been eaten out like this before. She’s a starved woman, begging you to feed her your sweet juices. Your knees feel like they could give out at any moment, so you grip onto her shoulder to balance yourself. She’s switching between slurping and sucking, her mouth working magic on your senstive pussy. 
Just when you think her head can’t get any better, her fingers enter the equation. She slips her long fingers between your slit, finding your hole after exploring for a moment. She guides one finger into you, then two. She’s groaning into you, watching your body twitch under her touch. She’s fucking you so fast, you can feel yourself teetering over the edge. She switches up her moves, flicking her tongue on your clit and fucking you slower. It sends you into bliss, your mouth agape as you stare down at her pressed against your core. You cry out, trying your best not to let your legs surrender to your weight.
“Yes baby,” She watches you fall apart, her finger tips swiping over your clit fast, “That’s right, cumming apart on my tongue. That’s so hot.”
Your vision is hazy, but you can still make out Abby as she stands up. Her hands rest on your waist as she brings you into a ravenous kiss. You’re still in a daze from your orgasm as she shuts off the warm water behind you. She’s guiding you out of the showers, bringing you back to your clothes and towel. She helps you by wrapping your towel around your center.
“You okay to walk back to your room?” She questions, watching you shakingly dry yourself off. 
You chuckle a bit, “Why? Do you want to carry me or something?”
She gives you a smug look, “Do you need me to?”
You want to smack the expression clear off her face. The freckles that litter her face scrunch in a teasing manner, which makes you melt a bit. You continue drying off before you throw back on your pants and shirt. You would be taking them off within the next two minutes, anyway, but you had to make it through the main hallways. 
Abby does the same thing before she gathers all her belongings and waits for you. As you rake your fingers through your hair, she jokingly starts tapping her foot.
“Can you relax?”
She shakes her head “no”. You roll your eyes, grabbing all your things and leading the way to your room. 
Abby knew your room would be better because you were graced with a room all by yourself. Courtesy of being Isaac’s top dog. 
You were vigilant about keeping a clean suite, always making sure your limited belongings had a place. You did not have people in your room often, so you were a bit nervous to have Abby Anderson in your room. 
She trails behind you closely, grunting every so often to indicate her impatience. Once you're outside your room, you unlock it with the key around your neck. It was easier to keep it on your chain, you hated stuffing your pockets with loose items. 
The cold air hits your skin. You were known for keeping a cold room. You always ran hot at night and you refused to sweat. When Abby walks into your suite, she starts to laugh. You lay down your towel and undergarments. 
“What’s so funny?” You ask, your wet hair sticking to your shoulders.
“You haven’t changed at all,” She grumbles, tossing her stuff in a pile beside your front door. The comment takes you off guard, simply because you spent years trying to be someone different.
“Why do you think that?”
“You are still so Type A,” She’s bounding towards you, stopping centimeters from your still-orgasm-dazed body, “You always run hot. It’s fuckin’ freezing in here.”
She’s cowering over you, her hot breath getting closer to your face. Before she can kiss you, she averts her head to the crook of your neck. 
“You still smell of lavender,” She kisses your pulse point before continuing, “And you need attention or else you’ll die. You thrive off pissing everyone off.”
“Especially you,” You practically moan as she continues to kiss your throat. When you say that, she lifts her head and stares down at you. She’s so symmetrical and beautiful. You loved seeing every freckle, every wrinkle of her nose. The fullness of her pink lips. 
“Especially me, that’s right.”
She pulls you in again, this time using her large hands to push your ass forward, capturing your lips as you melt into her grip. You move fluidly with her direction, peeling off your clothes again and frenching her when her lips slip open. Your tongues battle but you fully submit when she slowly bites down. She’s hungry for more.
You grab onto her forearms, tugging her towards your full size bed in the corner of the room. 
You always kept your blinds drawn, not allowing the large windows to expose your personal space. You’re silently thanking the angels for your obsessiveness because if someone spotted you and Abby right now, it would somehow get back to Isaac. He would have a cow if he found you two messing around. That’s too much of a distraction and you need to focus on the “mission”. 
Well, right now your mission is to make Abby cum.
You two fall on the bed, her hands still resting on the curve of your ass. She groans when you pull away from her lips. You tug at her shirt, gesturing to her to rid herself of her clothes. She obliges and she’s finally naked in your bed. You could die happy. 
You were too caught up in her touching you earlier, now you want to feel her. When the cold air touches her nipples, you notice them stand at attention. You practically fall into her chest, latching your mouth onto her tits, sucking the skin. She moans out, her hips reacting by pressing forward into you. You swirl your wet tongue around her areola, teasing her sensitive nipples. 
“God damn,” She whimpers, her hands exploring your hips. You use your teeth, nibbling slightly as you pull away from her one boob. She falls onto her back, releasing you from her grip. You crawl on top of her, straddling her waist with your thighs. You press your slick entrance on top of her mound, dragging it back and forth, teasing her. 
“You want me to touch your pretty pussy with my mouth?” You ask, resting your hands on her abs. She was so built, just tracing the outline of her 6-pack made you quiver. 
“God yes.”
Her voice is deeper, her pleasure taking over her vocal chords. You grind down on her before you shimmy down her legs and settle between her thighs. You lay on your tummy, lining up your face with her middle. 
She’s dripping, her entrance waiting for your fingers and mouth. You loved returning the favor, especially for women. You got off on hearing a woman chant your name as you alternate between licking and sucking. It would always boost your ego, but now that it’s Abby in your bed? You’ll be satisfied if she’s the last one to ever get in bed with you. 
She talked a big game about “teaching you a lesson” but here you are, shoving your fingers deep inside her and fucking her with your tongue. You smirk at the thought, watching her face twist in delight. You swirl your tongue around her sensitive throbbing clit. You were fed off her reactions, your eagerness to make her feel good increasing the more she cried out. 
You wrap your lips around her clit as you’re three fingers deep, fucking her steadily. As soon as you start the suction on her pussy, Abby is falling apart on your face. It’s a quick reaction, which gives you a bit of an ego boost. You watch her stomach flex, her jaw clench, and her mouth let out a guttural moan. 
Once she catches her breath, you slide off the bed, heading to your side table. You open the drawer, searching for the one thing that Abby could use to teach you a lesson. 
You pull out the black strap on you found a couple months ago at an abandoned sex store downtown. You haven’t used it yet, but you did make the effort to clean it before you tucked it away. This seemed like the perfect time for it to shine. 
You show Abby, her eyes lighting up with excitement. She snatches it from you, giggling as she stands up. 
“It’s like putting underwear,” You explain as she messes with the strap. It was like a thong with a dick attached. Very advanced technology.
“It’s perfect,” She whispers, sliding it over her massively thick thighs. Once she gets it on, it’s kind of silly to look at. Seeing Abby with a massive cock made you chuckle, but instead of following your reaction, it’s like it gave her a newfound attitude. 
It’s like a switch goes off. Instead of slowing down after an orgasm, like you, she manhandles you and grabs your biceps. She tows you up to her naked body before she pins you down to the bed. She plants herself like a tree between your legs, the large silicone dick nudging your inner thighs. You still can see her glistening core through the straps. 
“I need to watch you come apart again,” She explains as she holds the cock in her hand, “Wanna watch you cum over and over again.”
Her hair is messily over her shoulders, so when she leans down to stare down at the dick sliding between your folds, it falls in her face. She tucks it behind her ears, but it still drifts down her chest. You circle your hips, sighing at the feeling of the ridges of the dildo against your sensitivity. 
“Fuckin’ hair,” She fusses. You giggle a bit, watching her throw it back over her shoulders. You nudge her shoulder, using some force to pull her over your body. She leans down, her hair falling onto your face. 
“I’ll hold it for you, just make me feel good,” You murmur, using both hands to gather her hair. She gasps as you tug on her locks. You use some of the leverage you have to position her even closer to you. She reaches between your bodies and coats the cock in your slick. As soon as she teases your entrance with it, you pull her hair back. It sends her over the edge as she eases the dick inside you. It hurts a bit, so when she draws back you tell her to coat it in her saliva. She does what she’s told, spitting into her free hand a couple times and covering the appendage with it. 
Once she eases in again, the stretch feels better with the lubrication. Your thighs want to clench so bad, but the way she’s resting on you, you have no way to. She draws in and out of your pussy, grunting at the impact. 
It feels so good, but part of you wishes you just had her beautifully long fingers inside you. 
She moves your hands away from her hair and throws her head back, tossing her blond hair back. She props your legs up, plowing into you. You’re crying out, your ears ringing with the sound of your own heartbeat. 
“God, I need you to cum, baby,” She mumbles, kissing your knee as your body starts to vibrate. The cock is hitting you in all the right spots, but you need more. You reach down, using the pads of your fingers to stimulate your clit.
“Please don’t stop!”
It riles her up more, her pace quickening with every gasp. She pushes your fingers away, replacing them with her own. The pressure she applies sends your body into overdrive. Between her moans and the physicality, your orgasm hits you like a train. She fucks you through it, mumbling phrases like “that’s my good girl” and “yes baby, give it to me”. 
Once it’s over, it feels like your heart may beat out of your chest. She pulls the strap out and stands up beside your bed, shoving it off her hips. You watch her closely as she props the item up on your side table. She’s careful not to mess with any of you meticulously placed knick knacks. 
“You good?” She asks, her voice cracking a bit. 
She wanted to say more, but as she looks at you all fucked out on your bed, she feels a pang of guilt. She should not be indulging in this type of stuff, especially when you’re going against the cause. Abby had it made here, she can’t risk anything. 
“‘m all good, Abs. Do you wanna stay?”
She shakes her head negatively. 
“I think I’m gonna head back to my room. We gotta be up in a couple hours.”
You notice she’s being cold, which sends you into a spiral. You want to reassure her, but you know deep down she’s already made up her mind. 
You clear your throat, “Well, we can at least wake up together.”
“No, I don't think that’s the best idea,” She explains as she finds her clothes across your bedroom. She lays them on the bed beside you as she starts to dress herself. She has this look of concern on her face. It makes you physically ill, knowing it’s the face of regret. 
“Well, I guess we are back to square one.”
She throws her shirt over her head before she’s gathering up her things and practically running to the door. You want to pick up the dildo and sling it at her head. You can’t believe this. 
She reaches for the door before turning around to face you, “Guess so.”
PART 2 is HERE
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