#I don't know whether this is heartbreaking or bittersweet

[probadbatch]

A few thoughts as we head into this finale...

Star Wars was my first love and it's the love that's never left me. From the moment I saw those twin suns set over Tatooine, I was a goner. There have been times when it's been on the back burner, so to speak, but it's always been there and always will be. It's special to me like nothing else.

The Bad Batch is special to me even beyond that.

I've been here since their first appearance in the Clone Wars and I never could have predicted how much the Bad Batch would come to mean to me. This show has been so much more than I ever imagined. It's been joy, it's been heartbreak, it's been intrigue, and it's been hope. These boys and everyone I've met in this corner of fandom have woven their way into my heart in a way I couldn't undo even if I wanted.

I have no intention of packing it up and moving on as soon as the finale is finished. I'm not ready yet. But I imagine there will eventually come a day when even the Bad Batch moves to that back burner in my brain and one day this blog may not appear very active. I promise you I will still be lurking somewhere on tumblr and the Bad Batch is still very much on my mind somewhere.

If you find this post in a year or five or ten, please know that I am always ready to dive right back into peak fangirl mode with you. I will never think it's weird if you reach out and want to talk Star Wars or Bad Batch. Whether you are an old fan like me or just discovering this show for the first time years from now, I already consider us best friends and I will be thrilled to join you in whatever stage of fandom you find yourself in.

I've been a Star Wars fan since I was ten years old. Back then, there were only six movies and I was too young to appreciate that as far as anyone really knew, Star Wars had just closed its final chapter. If there's anything I've learned since then, it's that the story lives on in all of us - and who knows? Maybe one day it will return to the screen too.

Just because this show is wrapping up doesn't mean our love for it will end. Things will begin to look different after tomorrow and that is a little sad to think about but it can still be something we love just as much. Bittersweet as it is, I am looking forward to stepping into that new phase with all of you.

I don't know what's going to happen in the finale. What I do know is that the last few years have been a wonderful gift and I am more grateful than I can ever say. I will cherish this show and the memories it's given me for the rest of my life.

So as this chapter closes and we prepare to move on to the next one, I just want to thank you all for being such an incredible part of this experience for me.

I love you all.

[persephone1700]

I just finished watching the first episode of season two of House of the Dragon and I've been waiting so desperately for two long years and my opinion is divided whether I like it or not...

I'm not sure if it's just the fact that based on the things we know from the book and previous experiences from game of thrones, I kinda expected blood and cheese to be a little bit more?

I know that there are things that cannot be shown on television and I agree with that, buts I was still expecting more, like sweet Helaena being reluctant to let them know who's the boy, maybe more pleas trying to persuade them to not do it, and cries.

I think the fact that Helaena had 3 children on the books and was forced to chose which one to sacrifice makes the story more heartbreaking, plus I think it makes more sense when she chose Maelor over Jahaerys.

My brother asked me like: "Why did she actually gave up the boy? Why didn't she lied?" And I was like ??? Well I don't know for certain now, and it got me thinking why was she honest? Can someone explain that from the series perspective please

I think blood and cheese is one of the most brutal events and I'm not sure it lived up for it, it lasted too little, it was too easy and I even believe it was eclipsed by Cole and Alicents relationship.

Team Black was supposed to be avenged over Lucerys in this scene, and some actually to be so disgusted by it to end up changing sides.

Maybe in the next episodes we are supposed to see more the effects of this? More anger? More grief?

I think at first I was like oh my God it's happening okay... and it certainly shocked me for a moment to see it on the TV screen, but it left me with a bittersweet taste? Like omg they did include that, but there's something missing and I'm not sure what?

Still, the actors did an amazing job portraying their characters.

It's just an opinion and I want to hear others, with absolute respect towards them!

[lej222]

Hey... What's your thoughts on todays chapter of aslfua

I apologize in advance for the short answer, I'm working on a big post about the supernatural force in the story and it takes up my time 😃Episode149 spoilers:

I personally liked this chapter. We had a lot of interesting moments, like:

Miae can indeed hear the voice of the higher being(?) and it seems to steer her towards Jisu. I cannot emphasize this enough, but there's two possible outcomes, one is the happy ending with Miae fighting her own fate, the other is the bittersweet one about a young love that was not bound to happen. So far, Miae has been ignoring this voice and might continue to do so, but even if her fate is not with Cheol, the story is about them. There's no way we will see Miae with Jisu together unless it's an extra/epilogue chapter if Miae and Cheol don't end up together. So even if that comes true, it doesn't diminish Cheol's role as the main character as some people claim after this episode. It is a story about growth and learning and first love.

Miae finally remembers Jisu which makes me think her memories about him will emerge just like they did with Cheol. Like I said in my previous post, Miae might just have kickstarted her own destiny that the higher power foreshadowed. If it's true, this unknown voice will be even more active in the future chapters. The direction of the story from here on really depends on the author's vision.

Jisu and Miae playing the guitar was so cute. Poor Jisu said he cannot control his yawning, I know people on the spectrum who are the same because of sensory overload...and because he was the same as a kid it pretty much explains it

Jisu got himself involved with both the Shim (the bully with the mole) and the Yonghui-Yunhui storylines. So his character will definitely be a cornerstone from here on, regardless the love triangle.

Soonkki said that she would focus on the main plot because of her health problems. Which pretty much confirms what I've been yapping about, that Jisu is the 3rd main character and is important to the main plot. There was no way he would be irrelevant with how much attention Soonkki gave him, he was basically having his own parallel storyline in the background up until ep 75. We could even say ASLFUA is about two stories about two childhood friendships, and the intersection is Miae herself, that's why she's the main character who can hear the voice of the higher being. We got her story with Cheol in a chronological order, starting from their first meeting, and it continued in the present. While her story with Jisu was intentionally left open for a long time.

It's just my personal opinion, but I hate comments like how Cheol should beat up Jisu for this episode. They genuinely make me angry. I never cared about the romantic outcome in this story, I'm an adult. Hating on a teenager like this is an awful thing to do and trying to justify it with how you want your 15-year-old characters to end up together is just immature. Jisu has a role in this story, whether people like it or not. What role, we can only make guesses. I hate to say this to some readers, but there are people who experience heartbreak countless times in their lives before they find the one, or they might never find them. So arguing about fictional teenagers and their love lives seems pretty pointless, especially sending asks to me about it, because while I think it's nice if first loves last a lifetime, I'm not naive or young enough to believe that it is always true. (Not your question anon, it was respectful!🤝)

Random thought, but I just realized Jisu and Miae are two characters who still don't have their resolution to their character arcs and it's interesting how they have to spend more time together.

Because we have:

Cheol: he stops hiding from other people, becomes more animated and honest about his feelings, more open to new experiences

Johan: steps up to be brave and opens up to make friends

Honggyu: stops judging people and learns to accept help

Jinseop: forms genuine connections instead of hanging out with bullies

Song-I: stands up for herself and for what she wants

For Miae, we know she has to mature but she's not there yet, she needs challenging experiences like Cheol, e.g. when Jisu called her out for interrupting the confession was a moment that genuinely made her think about her actions. As for Jisu, we don't know what his character arc will be about, but he's already connected to important subplots.

[fincalinde]

Mama Lan

Oh now this is challenging and you are a fiend who will someday pay for your crimes.

a song that reminds me of them

Going to have to pass on this one, I can't think of anything really.

what they smell like

We know so little about her it's impossible to speculate pre-confinement, but post-confinement I presume it would be sandalwood like all the Lans. Let me take this opportunity to raise a point that has also bothered me for several years: unless someone knows more than me about this particular variety (entirely possible!), blue gentians have little if any scent. I believe the roots and other parts of the plant have a stronger scent when processed for extracts or similar, but a mass of blossoming gentians actually wouldn't smell that strongly.

an otp

N/A, we just don't know enough about her for me to have any shipping preferences in that regard.

a notp

While I know there is technically room to speculate that she did come to love QHJ, I don't think it's the most likely conclusion based on the information we have. The idea isn't something that charms and delights me either. I quite like not knowing the details because, although I'm not totally on board with LXC's desire not to know the truth, I think we know enough to be sure that it is not good. The world of MDZS is not a world where a woman who didn't return a man's love somehow conveniently came to fall for him during or after being consigned to solitary imprisonment for the rest of her life.

Reading between the lines I think the most likely sequence of events is that she chose this life over death and therefore her consent to things such as sexual activity is technical at best. I'm sure there's some good work out there around that, but it's not something I would read whether consensual or nonconsensual or ambiguous; the entire situation makes my skin crawl.

Gun to my head I find coercion less distasteful than a theoretical attempt to sell me on a genuine loving relationship existing between these two particular characters.

favorite platonic/familial relationships

Hands down LXC, mostly because this is another example of how LXC's needs are always treated as secondary to LWJ's. I'm fully aware that LXC tells the story of his mother's life and death to WWX specifically to try to communicate something to him about LWJ (I wonder what that could be), but it is still heartbreaking to me that this man describes his brother's grief in detail and doesn't spare a word for his own.

It's even worse to think of how traumatic it must have been to lose his mother, when he loved her just as much as LWJ did but had the additional burden of worrying about and caring for his didi. Both Twin Jades are raised under unfathomable pressure, but LXC's burden is still the greater and he bears it with such grace that no one ever even notices. This is why it's important to note the lengths JGY goes to in order to ensure LXC's comfort and remove as many burdens and stressors from his life as possible.

I also love the little touch that LXC often visits his mother's house—a thing that unless I've forgotten something is not mentioned in relation to LWJ, and that I therefore choose to read as being unique to him. It's nice to imagine that he has his own genuinely private space, even if being in that space is bittersweet. Clearly he feels closer to his mother there than at the family shrine, which is another nice touch emphasising how their love for each other had to exist outside orthodox spaces.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with

I am deeply weary of fandom's steadfast conviction that the yassification of any and all female characters is a powerful feminist statement. I think I will just leave this one here.

the position they sleep in

I hope she sprawls all over that damn bed every night, and I hope QHJ never stays long enough to fall asleep in it.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in

I'm not saying never, but my instinct is that I really prefer her to remain as mysterious as she is in canon and not feature directly. That doesn't really lend itself to crossovers.

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn

The one covered in the blood of QHJ's teacher. I don't even care whether or not said teacher had it coming.

[couragehopelovefaith]

As an answer to @carladuquette:

Mike Flanagan character draft

Rules are simple: pick your top 6 characters from the Flanaverse. Series only! If a character appears at different ages, specify which one you want on your team. Can be characters you love, love to hate, whatever. Ready? GO!

(There will be no Midnight Club-characters, because I haven't been able to bring myself to watch it since I know that the cancellation would frustrate me to no end, if I got myself engaged to it.)

This was way harder than I thought it would be! So many others would deserve to be here as well. If you haven't seen these shows and want to avoid spoilers, stop here.

But okay, here we go...

Riley Flynn (Zach Gilford, Midnight Mass)

It tells a lot that I saw Midnight Mass for the first time just this Easter, but I couldn't imagine anyone else getting the first place. Such an underrated character. He had such a sad backstory and a kind soul...he truly did his best and helped so many people when he had every possibility to be selfish. His relationship with Erin was very special too. I guess he got his happy ending in a way, but all the possible could've beens and fix-it-fics about him that I will probably never write haunt me.

2. Luke Crain (Oliver Jackson-Cohen, The Haunting Of Hill House)

I debated with myself for a long time, which Crain-twin I should put here, but Luke and his journey just moved me deeply. I'd like to write much more about him, but it would become an essay so I'll pass. It would be so inspiring to see Riley and him to have a conversation, now that I think about it. During my every single Flanagan deep-dive, I am awed how Oliver could play both Luke and Peter - such opposite characters - so believably. *standing ovation*

3. Hassan Shabazz (Rahul Kohli, Midnight Mass)

I had an eeny, meeny, miny, moe whether the third prize should go to him or Owen, but I had to pick this loving father and a wonderful sheriff. In this case, I can't even fully explain why, but he just managed to stand out from the middle of all these other fantastic characters in an unique way.

4. Verna (Carla Gugino, The Fall Of The House Of Usher)

I feel like I don't really even have to explain myself when it comes to this choice. Carla has always been talented and beyond, but she really exceeded herself in this role. In the wrong hands, this character could've become very corny and comical, but with her behind the wheel, there was no fear of that. I lost count how many times I got shivers, was lifting my jaw off the floor and crying while watching Verna. I almost wanted to include a gif of her and Arthur (since I love him too), but I thought it might be cheating, so...

5. Hannah Grose (T'Nia Miller, The Haunting Of Bly Manor)

Okay, listen... I love Dani and Jamie, both as a couple and as individuals, and their story is very bittersweet and heartbreaking. But when I think of Bly Manor, my mind always travels first to Hannah, her relationship with Owen and to episode 5. She is amazing and deserved the world. A little restaurant in Paris, with the love of her life... Gaah, even writing about it makes me tear up!

6. Tamerlane Usher (Samantha Sloyan, The Fall Of The House Of Usher)

I almost feel bad for not putting Lenore here, because she obviously was the purest one of the Ushers and didn't deserve what she got in the end. But I can't help being intrigued by Tammy and her complexity. Surely, she is far from perfect - quite a despicable human being, actually - but the episode centered around her made me feel a bit sorry and sympathetic towards her. She is my favorite Usher-sibling (Leo being a really close second) and belongs on this list. Samantha deserves way more recognition of all her roles, to be honest.

Phew, I did it! *victory dance*

Anyone can participate. Let's show appreciation to this marvelous saga, pretty please.

[i-myeoni-blogs]

THE CREEPY BOOK GIRL

Pairing - Non-Idol Hongjoong x Reader x Non- Idol Yeosang

Word Count - 2599

Warning - Break down, depression, illusion, emotional transport, hurt, heartbreak

Genre - Angst, Delusional Reader, For general audience

Summary - She wanted him to stay but he was slipping off her mind. When you had your world properly constructed, it came crashing down with twice the pain and hurt. But what if he's not actually gone?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

He was leaving, not just for a few days like he used to, but for good. Slowly slipping away from Y/N's life, Matz, her strongest support and unwavering pillar, was leaving, and for reasons she couldn't fathom or maybe she didn’t want to. He insisted it was the right thing to do, but Y/N longed for him to stay. Desperation filled her as she clutched his neat white collars, attempting to halt his departure. Perhaps, if she held onto him tightly enough, he wouldn't go. However, Matz managed a painful smile and delicately wrapped his fingers around her wrists.

"Don't cry, princess. I hate it when you cry, I don't want this either.���

"Then, don't leave," Y/N's voice barely audible, tugged at Matz's heartstrings as she pleaded for him to stay.

“You have no idea how badly I wish I could stay with you, but it's not possible," Matz whispered, gently moving a palm to cup Y/N's face.

“Why not, be with me like you had been always?”

"That's not how it works, pretty. Even if I wanted to, I can't stay here with you," he explained, softly stroking her cheeks as if she were a delicate, fragile thing that might shatter if he wasn't careful. "You know, when I first saw you, I just wanted to keep you to myself in this library, your library. You accepted me no matter what, welcomed me into your heart. But now I’m slipping out of your mind, I’m not sure how long I'll stay there, but I can't stay with you."

As the realization of their impending separation settled in, the library, once a haven for their shared moments, now echoed with the silence of goodbye.

Y/N remained silent, not uttering a word. She simply sat there in hushed stillness, gazing into his eyes. Within them, she caught the shimmering reflection of the crackling fire in the nearby fireplace, casting a gentle radiance upon their shared space. As she held onto the quiet moment, she attempted to etch his image into her memory – the contours of his face, the distinctive nose, and the strands of his beautiful hair that gracefully framed his features.

No matter how peculiar it might have seemed to others, she cherished the way he consistently dressed himself in a suit, whether it was day or night. His fingers adorned with a simple silver ring became a source of comfort for her, a small, tangible connection. She often found herself idly toying with it, a ritual that brought a subtle ease.

His distinct features and the almost otherworldly, angelic glow he emitted were things she found hard to believe at times. Amid their shared silence, a wave of sadness swept over her. The familiar details that once brought Matz now carried a bittersweet weight, an intense reminder of him slipping away.

"Look at me," Matz gently raised her face to meet his gaze, the one she usually kept hidden behind glasses. Her eyes held a world of emotion that he cherished, as if they carried the weight of the entire universe. "I wish I could wrap you in my arms, feel your warmth, and share a love that lasts forever, but I can't. I long to be yours and have you as mine. The sound of your infectious laughter, the sparkle in your eyes, the way your hair danced in the breeze—they're all etched in my mind like memories from a bygone era. Yet, destiny has other plans for us. The moments we shared are confined to the pages of the past.

Your genuine smile tugs at my heart, making me imagine a life we could build together. Unfortunately, things can't work out for us. It hurts to admit that I can't give you the happiness you should have. You're worth more than just existing in the limits of these pages; you deserve something authentic, something real." Matz sighed, a heavy feeling in his chest as he accepted that they had to part ways. The unspoken sadness stayed in the air, like the echo of a sad song that couldn't find its end.

Matz gazed at Yeosang, a wistful smile playing on his lips. “Yeosang is the right person for you. He'll always be there for you; offering the love and support you deserve. He's ready to cherish and love you in ways I cannot. It's strange how I felt a bit jealous when I sensed Yeosang getting closer to taking my place in your thoughts. Now, I get it – he's the one who truly complements you, not me. He's the one who should have you, not me. I love you deeply, my princess, more than I can express in words. I wished so much for our story to be real, for us to exist in the tangible world. But how can it be real when I'm just a creation of your imagination? How can it be true when I'm not even real? A character in the novel of your thoughts, unable to break free into the reality I yearned for. But the cruelest irony lies in the fact that I am a shadow, as much as I long for it, our love can never be more than the beautiful illusion it is.”

"What do you mean, Matzy?" Y/N asked, tears streaming down her face.

Matz took a deep breath and gently held her face, their foreheads touching. "I hate to say this, my love, but the beautiful story that we created for the past 10 years is a dream. And it's not fair for me to keep you trapped in these pages. You deserve a fantastic life, and I can't give that to you. I've held onto you for too long; it's time for me to release my grip. It's time for you to move on, Y/N. Please, allow me to go. Please.”

"No," Y/N whispered, clinging tightly to Matz's collar. Her heart ached with the weight of his words.

"Please, allow me to go," He whispered quietly, slowly disappearing like a distant memory, leaving Y/N holding onto just a book. Her sobs resonated in the emptiness as she tearfully bid farewell to the once-beautiful world she inhabited. In a methodical manner, she tore pages from the book, letting them drift into the fireplace while expressing her grief through anguished screams.

Each tear marked the removal of the shared moments with Matz, erasing his presence from her life. The flames devoured the remnants of their story, turning his existence into ashes. She observed with pain as the pages turned to ash in the fireplace, fulfilling Matz's wishes. Eventually, she surrendered to despair, releasing the final remnants of her feelings for him.

Her eyes filled with tears until she couldn't see clearly, and she crumpled under the weight of sadness. Even though she felt crushed by sorrow, she never actually fell to the ground. Yeosang, who saw Y/N releasing her love, gently pulled her close, holding her in his arms and taking her to a more comforting place. Y/N had to make a tough choice, and Yeosang understood that. He promised to never let her get lost in her own illusions. He vowed to keep her safe.

It's been a year since that tough time when Y/N had to say farewell to her first love, whom she cherished for a decade. Moving on to a new life without Matz was a real challenge. Being alone was hard, but Yeosang did his best to keep her safe.

Y/N went through therapies for a few months, crying at night over the love she had lost. With multiple sessions, medication, and constant support from Yeosang, she slowly began to heal. After eight tough months of rehab, she finally started to let go.

She kept reading new books and stories, mostly written by Yeosang. Maybe it was because of that one incident that happened recently, still vivid in her memory. Panic set in as she desperately searched for Matz everywhere, calling his name with no response. Yeosang, who had just intended to visit her, discovered her in a terrible state. He abandoned everything to hold her, attempting to offer comfort. However, she cried loudly, flailing her arms to escape his embrace.

Yeosang, patient and gentle, took control, firmly holding Y/N's shoulders to make her look at him. His eyes betrayed fatigue and pain; all he wanted was to provide Y/N with the comfort she once had with Matz, but he was failing.

"I’m forgetting him, Yeosang. I don’t remember how he looks anymore," Y/N cried and whispered. It shattered Yeosang's heart to witness her in such agony.

The memory of Matz was fading from her mind, the world she had constructed within her head crumbling. Yeosang found himself in a state of turmoil.

On one hand, he was relieved that Y/N was emerging from her emotional transportation and the world of illusion. On the other hand, he felt a deep sadness observing her shattered state – her swollen, red eyes, unkempt hair, and malnourished appearance. She seemed caught in a cycle of self-inflicted pain.

"Y/N, please, hear me out," he spoke gently, his own eyes filled with tears, but she remained silent, tears flowing down her face. Yeosang tried to console her with kind words, but she stayed unresponsive.

"Yeosang, I'm forgetting him. I can't recall his face, his voice, or how he felt. Why, Yeosang?" Y/N cried, questioning. Yet, how could Yeosang respond when the person she spoke of never truly existed?

He gently let go of Y/N's shoulders and hurriedly pulled out some papers from his bag, resembling a rough draft. Silently, he handed them to Y/N, pain evident in his eyes. Yeosang, in every way, was beautiful, with a birthmark on the right side of his head adding to his charm.

Then, he spoke, "Y/N, I can't bring back what you've lost. I know Matz was your solace, your escape from the harsh realities of this world. I can't change the world, but I promise to run away with you, to shape the world as you desire. I'll stand by you as your support forever, even if it means living with Matz's memory. I will." Y/N stopped crying and looked at him intensely, as if etching his face into her memory.

As Y/N gazed at him, she could feel the pain within him. Yeosang had been by her side since the difficult incident, never leaving her alone. Even during moments of overwhelming fear, he clung to her as if his life depended on it.

Inside, Y/N blamed herself for not realizing Yeosang's kindness. Why hadn't she valued the efforts he had made over the past five months? Maybe she had been too focused on Matz, but Matz had encouraged her to find her Matz.

"But Y/N, all I want is a chance. Let me be in your world, let me be the one to protect you. I want to be the person you see every day, the one who becomes a part of your story and helps create our own. I want you to remember my face when you read again." His voice carried a silent plea, begging for her to say yes, and Y/N could sense that. She didn't know if her happiness was with Yeosang, but she nodded, desperate to give a face to her soulmate.

"Will you read to me every day?" Y/N asked softly, her voice slightly rough from crying, as she gently touched Yeosang’s features. A faint discoloration on her ring finger was visible, a mark left from keeping the tied thread that she had called the ring Matz had given her.

The thread was gone, but the mark remained. Yeosang looked up, searching for any sign of discomfort or hesitation in Y/N's eyes. Finding none, he nodded slowly, offering a brief smile, and tenderly embraced her in a comforting hug that conveyed, "I'll always be here for you."

Now, they walked quietly along the pedestrian path, Y/N cherishing the peaceful silence with Yeosang. He was different—quiet, yet his gaze suggested a willingness to navigate whatever connection they shared. Y/N responded with equal enthusiasm, her ring finger adorned with a beautiful band with Yeosang and her initials.

Gradually, memories of Matz became a distant echo, a cherished relic tucked away in Y/N's mental keepsake box. She found happiness and looked animated, even drawing people to her library who appreciated her newfound vibrancy. True to his word, Yeosang read her his own stories every night, holding her close as she drifted off to sleep, comforted by his presence.

Y/N seemed to be moving forward. She had created her new world with Yeosang, she gave a face to the soulmate she craved for and he was Yeosang.

But for how long?

"What's on your mind?" Y/N inquired as they strolled together, holding hands. Yeosang grinned to himself and chuckled before gazing at Y/N.

"I was thinking about our next date."

"Yeosang, our first date isn't over yet."

"I know, but I keep pondering about us all the time." Yeosang shared, gently squeezing Y/N's hand. A warm blush colored both of their cheeks. "Alright, what do you feel like having for dinner? Maybe some chicken?" Yeosang suggested, scanning the endless street. However, he received no response; they had slowed down. Perplexed, he turned to find Y/N in a state of shock, gazing ahead and walking with a slow pace.

Y/N gazed at a man along the sidewalk carrying a guitar on his back, handing out flyers and shouting, "Come to our show, it's tonight." Yeosang noticed Y/N frozen in shock, stopping in her tracks. She simply stared at the man, her eyes welling up with tears. Unsure of what to do, Yeosang stood in front of her, gently taking both her hands and asked, "What happened?"

"Matz," Y/N uttered, a name unheard for the past eight months. It was a name Yeosang never expected to hear again, but he was wrong. As the words left her lips, Yeosang's heart shattered. He had worked hard to help her move on, but now it seemed they were back to where they started.

"Y/N, Matz wasn't real. He isn't here," Yeosang insisted with determination.

"Yeosang, Matz…" Y/N said, pointing at the man who now looked back at them with a puzzled expression. Yeosang felt helpless; Y/N was calling a random man Matz. What was he supposed to do when he had never seen Matz before? It was merely Y/N's imagination. Lost in his thoughts, the man approached them, extending a pamphlet. Y/N stared at him intently but remained silent.

"Come to our concert tonight, it's happening in the nearby park," the man said with a smile. Y/N recognized that smile—it was Matz's. Same face, same voice, same smile. How was this possible?

"We'd appreciate it," Yeosang said, taking the pamphlet and leading Y/N away. She allowed herself to be pulled, glancing back one last time. No, she couldn't be mistaken. It was him, her Matz.

The man continued to stare at her with a puzzled expression. A taller man joined him, noticing Y/N's reaction. "Who was she?" he asked.

"I don't know. She just kept staring at me, so I gave them the pamphlet," the man replied, chuckling sadly.

"Weird people," the taller man mumbled, sporting a tattoo on his neck. Turning to a group of passing teenagers, he invited them to the show. "Hey, come to our performance tonight. We'll rock the metals."

Curious, a boy took the pamphlet. "By what name do you guys go?"

"We are Matz," they said in unison.

[thingummies-and-whatsits]

Lewis Fic Recs: December 19th

For the anniversary of Val's death, stories of grieving, remembering the past, and learning to live again after loss. Some are Christmas focused, others not. As usual, this list is far from exhaustive so please feel to add your own favs to the list!

I Wonder What Comes Next, And Whether This Or This Will Be The End by Somniare

1,580 Words, Robbie/Val, Rated T, Canonical Character Death In the wake of Val's death, a grief-stricken Robbie turns to alcohol as he packs for his secondment to the BVI. A heartbreaking fic that does not shy away from the rawness of loss, but an unexpected find offers a shred of comfort for Robbie to hold on to.

Beacon by uniquepov

1,499 Words, James & Robbie, past Robbie/Val, Rated T, Canonical Character Death An angsty fic with a hopeful ending. Nearly ten years later, and Lewis still has nightmares. Robbie thinks of his grief over the past years, how he'd wake up expecting to see Val there, how he'd expected to be the one not to make it home one day. He lost his beacon of light that December but, Robbie realizes, he's not completely alone.

Anniversary by Sarren

2,093 Words, James & Robbie, past Robbie/Val, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Robbie visits Val's grave on the anniversary of her death, and James knows when not to listen his Inspector's orders for his own good. A bittersweet story where James' determination to support Robbie through his grief allows Robbie the space to remember, and sparks a conversation about needing someone else.

Falling by Luthien

9,098 Words, Pre-James/Robbie, past Robbie/Val, Rated T, No Archive Warnings Apply, Brandy and Cough Medicine Don't Mix December 19th is just around the corner and it's raining, Hathaway is stuck in Cornwall on a case, Lewis' heat has gone out, and his chest is growing tighter with this worsening cough. An aching sickfic, with a dash of (fraught rather than fluffy) huddling for warmth, and an interesting case going on in the background.

The Things We Do For Each Other by divingforstones

7,504 Words, James/Robbie, past Robbie/Val, Rated T, No Archive Warnings Apply James reveals a bit of his childhood when he gets caught up studying for a special training course. The unfortunate timing of the final exams leaves Robbie struggling on the hardest day of his year with James out of town. In the absolutely heartwarming ending, Robbie learns that he can lean on the people who care about him, and James learns that he's cared for, no matter his grades of his usefulness.

Solace to the Soul by divingforstones

11,097 Words, James/Robbie, past Robbie/Val, Rated T, No Archive Warnings Apply James takes care of Lewis quietly over the years: in the frigid winter air, through sickness and injury, in the wake of the Oswald Cooper case, and on the anniversary of Val's death, when the world conspires to prevent Robbie from making his pilgrimage to her grave. Divingforstones always does an amazing job capturing the deep, steady devotion in their relationship.

Anniversary Effect by iloveyoudie

1,354 Words, Pre-James/Robbie, past Robbie/Val, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply After an evening drinking on the couch, James wakes up to loud banging at the door, only to find his worried Inspector standing outside. What starts out as a mild argument ends up with some much-needed truths being voiced at long last, and it's satisfying to see these two starting to open up. The ending especially is gently hopeful.

Christmas Pudding by greenapricot

3,185 Words, James/Robbie, past Robbie/Val, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Hathaway is dubious of Christmas pudding, but when Robbie admits he misses the one Val used to make, James is determined to give it a shot. When James fails to answer his phone on the 19th, Robbie gets worried-and finds an unexpected surprise waiting for him. This story has the sweetest ending (in more ways than one), one that leaves James and his flat delightfully unkempt. Make sure to read this with some sort of holiday dessert on hand, because it will give you pudding cravings.

From Where the Light Rises by catwalksalone

590 Words, James^Robbie, past Robbie/Val, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Established relationship (QPR). Part of a longer series, but can be read as a standalone. Robbie lost the joy of Christmas after Val died, but watching light candles and decorate the house they share, Robbie finds himself remembering the beauty of the season.

Christmas Past and Present (series) by wendymr

6,216 Words, James/Robbie, past Robbie/Val, Rated G, No Archive Warnings Apply Many Christmases ago, he'd given his heart to Val, but ten years after her death, Robbie still can't bear to face the holiday. But when James quietly refuses to leave his side at the end of the day, they each learn that they're a little less alone than they had thought. Extra kudos for Val scolding Robbie's poor choice in clothing from beyond the grave.

Before and After, Then and Now by dogpoet

6,269 Words, James/Robbie, past Robbie/Val, Rated M, No Archive Warnings Apply Established Relationship. Part of a longer series, but can be read as a standalone. Robbie remembers the day when the call came, how Ali had had to tell him there had been an accident, and how he had almost burnt down the house when he'd had to tell his son. But now he also looks towards the future, to his life with James-once he can work up the courage to tell Lyn, that is.

[mccoys-killer-queen]

Seeing Kix's last ever live show Part 2- the show

So yes, I drove 3 hours to Columbia, MD just to get my heart brutally torn to pieces and left in the rain. By the time Kix actually came on the alcohol i chugged started to hit (it took like an HOUR) and it made me wanna scream at all the photographers to go fuck themselves

TL;DR- it was underwhelming?

they opened with Atomic Bombs- which was bittersweet I guess but I love it when they open with Hot Wire the most

seeing Ronnie made me so happy

since my seat was literally as far to stage left as you could go, the concrete steps were right next to me, as was a rail, and i could stand on the concrete and hold onto the rail and go nuts

that is until a security person told me to stop fgeoirngerngfdnd

in the moment i had fun but as soon as the moment was over it was back to heartache

Steve never opened up his shirt which was disappointing

when they did Midnite Dynamite there were BIG COLUMNS OF FIRE ??? SHOOTING OUT FROM THE HUGE HIGH UP PLATFORM THEY HAD ?? I was at least 30-40 feet away from it and i could FEEL THE HEAT

same thing goes for huge spark fountains (except for the heat part)

they did three medleys of obscure songs (but I'm gonna be honest I didn't recognize most of them)

the first medley, they did Body Talk and as soon as they started playing it, Steve stuck his finger down his throat like he was trying to make himself puke from hearing it rtgnnsadiofifearf

every medley was basically Steve judging the songs on whether he likes them or not it was funny

seeing the girl money glasses for the last time ugh concerts will never be the same if they're not kix

Steve always leads up to Scarlet Fever with "this song is about dirty diseases" or something like that, and he said something about "you gotta wear a condom to not get those diseases but condoms are no fun right they're just not fun"

the Itch and the crowd singalong and Steve always picking on people never ever fails to crack me up

when they played For Shame, Steve walked into the crowd and walked around and shook people's hands and gave hugs and stuff and the second he started singing while doing this i fucking lost it and tears were running down my face it was so bittersweet it was like he was trying to thank every individual person

idk why I always forget about Cold Shower when it's like the sluttiest of all slut songs

Ronnie did the guitar solo leading up to Cold Blood and I'm sorry Ronnie but I'm used to Bob and I like Bob's solo better but seeing Ronnie finally in the place where he was supposed to be this whole time was bittersweet

big balloons falling from the ceiling

confetti cannons and one not going off until the next song

Steve doing more jumping than normal during Blow My Fuse

i wish Steve did the full feature length Yeah Yeah Yeah monologue

^^that was their last song

i always forget how much steve says "aiight"

when their set was done, Steve introduced some people in their crew and management

when everyone walked offstage, and really only steve was left, he imitated Porky Pig and went "t-tha-th-that's all, folks!" and left the stage.

imo the setlist could've been a lot better bc a lot of their hard-hitters were cut (like Hot Wire, Same Jane, Kix Are For Kids, Sex, etc) but i guess the medleys were more important. The show also felt really short? It was under 2 hours and imo the whole thing felt really underwhelming, like I was expecting a huge extra long super exciting show but this was like... below average? Like yeah there were more stage effects and two guest members and three medleys but- it just didn't make it feel any more special than a normal Kix show, yknow? It almost felt like they were in a hurry to finish (the set feeling quick made it feel like this, not their actual performance. In fact- this entire rushed retirement seemed like they were in a hurry to retire...).

I don't know if it's because I wasn't at the barrier like I always am for Kix or the fact I had my heartbreak on pause or what, but to me it just felt really underwhelming? I went back to my hotel afterwards feeling similar to how i felt in my hotel after the last night of M3; dumped.

I'm still in shock that it's all over, and that it ended this way- with absolute silence and a soul-crushing shame. I can't ever forget the fun I've had with Kix over the past year, though. I just wish to god it had ended differently.

EDIT: I was trying to kill Mark with my mind last night. Tried to shoot lasers from my eyes. When he walked offstage he walked in my direction and I glared at him as hard as I could. I knew he couldn't see me, let alone recognize me, but he was looking in my direction.

EDIT #2: after steve walked through the crowd and went back on the stage, he said "that was fun. i hope none of yall have herpes *wipes hand on his shirt* I got that when it first came out!!"

[vknq]

1, 3 and 4!

What’s your favorite part of the writing process?

ironically enough my favourite part of the writing process is not actually the writing. i think it's the brainstorming at the beginning and putting together the story, the characters, the arcs, etc. but if it has to be the writing process? hmm. probably when i find myself just disappearing into the story and the writing just happens all on its own.

What’s your favorite emotion to write?

gosh. i don't know actually. i like to write all the emotions, but i probably lean more towards enjoying writing the heavier emotions like unspoken love, heartbreak, wanderlust and lost. i like meeting my characters either at their worst or at the worst time in their life. omg or when my characters have a shit ton to process and feel, but they either won't allow themselves to or they're not in a position to. i dunno, i just love emotions and exploring them.

What kind of endings do you prefer?

endings that come full circle. i know it's probably a bit of a vague answer, but i'm genuinely happy with any ending whether they're open-ended, happy, sad, or bittersweet. any ending is welcome here, as long as it makes sense with the story in question. as long as it makes the story you've just read feel well rounded, like a circle, hence coming full circle.

asks for writers.

[penrose-quinn]

Hi Pen 💖💖! How are you doing? I hope you're well as always, and I wanted to thank you for the recent update of Green Light! I'm still fumbling to find the words to tell you how much I loved it...

But the thing is, I just read chapter 11, and I sincerely hope you know that you are to me the most graceful, thoughtful and brilliant writer I’ve ever had the pleasure to read on Ao3. I do mean it sincerely. Your stories are the best kind of heartbreak; bittersweet and hopeful, heartfelt and witty. The chronicles of life when you’re in your twenties and nothing makes sense, you’re just lost, lonely without the words to say it, but some things are just too important to give up on so you keep trying and look, sometimes it works. There is so much love, you could drown in it.

I'll say it again; you made me feel things with this chapter, as I had absolutely no doubt you would. So please expect a long, ranting comment on Ao3, and thank you again for sharing. For what it's worth, your words mean the world to me ❤.

I hope you have a wonderful day and get lots of rest, you did such an amazing job with this chapter!! I'm sending you lots and lots and lots of love, please take care of yourself <333.

And god do I have things to say about the ending.

Hi Obsidian (◍˃̶ᗜ˂̶◍)ﾉ”

I get by! My schedule still sucks atm, but once I'm done with my new series at work, I'll have more free time next week (T▽T). I hope you're doing so much better than I am tho!! Ngl your lovely message pulled me through a tough week and I'm grateful you've no idea! I haven't had the time to properly edit the new chapter so I was freaking out if it was any good. Although I might get to edit it in the weekend, your words were really reassuring! It's an honor that it's from you! This isn't an exaggeration or flattery coming from me but it's just that you're an awesome writer and a more awesome friend so it means the world (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈).

I'm so glad you loved it!! I poured my whole soul into this one! That isn't to say that I don't do it for the rest of the fic, but this chapter was just really hard lol. RL and dealing with multiple complex characters aside, I kinda projected more on Shin than I'd like to in his backstory. And I'm just sort of in love writing GL in a way that I haven't been in love with any of my other fics for awhile. Idk if it's bc it's tremendously fun writing TR characters or the story but it makes me happy. I don't have expectations for it being my best work, it didn't even start out serious when I first posted it, but it just makes me happy and feel all sorts of things but I think that's what matters so reading your words and how it's evoked these emotions from you makes me feel fulfilled as a writer. But for the most part, I'm so, so glad I could scream and share my love for this fic with someone else haha. Whether if it's a simple keyboard smash or a thesis-level review from you, I'll always love reading your thoughts. Thank you for sharing them with me! (〃´𓎟`〃)~♡♡♡

Thank you for this again! I hope you have a pleasant and stress-free week ahead. Always take care, Obsidian!! Imma bombard you all the good vibes and love back (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ₊‧.♡°.⋆˚₊♡‧⋆.♡ִ ࣪𖤐

(That ending...went through so many rewrites lol, but I personally think this was the right one. I really look forward to what you have to say about it!)

[omgkalyppso]

Which Goncharov characters do you think your OT5 would have as their faves? Like I think Rodrigue wouldn't be able to help but root for Katya. I've still only seen bits and pieces of it myself on tv though and never the whole movie :flushedrigue:

OUGH. rodpolycule goncharov au. manuela would fit so many of katya's themes ... the knives, the stabbing. felicity in sofia's role. rufus might not be soft enough for andrey's moments of vulnerability but the tension he'd add. 😍

But back to your question.

hilda and avery also would love katya. katya being part of such a strong family with no agency of her own, married off young to goncharov. her tenacity, her struggles with independence and indulgence. does she stay up waiting for goncharov for love or ensure the safety of her own life as the tension mounts...

claude would like andrey; fighting for and against goncharov and destiny, securing his future at the cost of a love that would never be.

fae would like sofia, the orphan who rose to power for the sake of survival. i think the boat scene really solidified how ready sofia was to run away with love -- whether you believe she and katya did in the end, i know some people don't think katya faked her own death, but both interpretations are heartbreaking, since katya still has all those years with her late husband and her whole family lost even if she and sofia elope together. still, fae would like to imagine the bittersweet victory of sofia finding that seed of happiness.

and of course lorenz would like goncharov. the others would too, but while they have their favorites, lorenz appreciates goncharov for being the focal point of the story and the relations - that everyone orbits around him and look at him with love and hate and understanding, trapped in their spinning like the hands on a clockface, trapped by time and destiny but no less vibrant for it.

[daedalusdavinci]

(don't) ship ask: bruharvey

mybe other flavours of it as well

send me a ship and ill answer these questions depending on whether or not i ship it

based on the content of my blog i can understand why anyone might be under the impression that i actually cant fuckign stand bruharvey, and even think its the worst batman ship. so it may come as a surprise that i actually fucking love it

alksdfnsdf listen we ALL know. we all know. this blog is basically just a bruharv blog at this point i barely post anything else. there are so many different flavors of bruharv and im going to try and be coherent about this as much as possible. bear w me here

What made you ship it?

batman 1942 annual #14. EASY. it was one of the first 2f comics i ever read and one of the first COMICS i ever read. i was immediately obsessed with bruce and harveys friendship and the heartbreak of the whole story i LOVE a good divorced dynamic its just so. UGH. and the fact that in hush bruce states that part of the reason why he hesitates to pursue a relationship w selina is bc he doesnt want to lose her like harvey?? dark victory????? BTAS BRUHARV???? "sleep well my friend. wherever you are, whatever youve become, i will save you."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "good old bruce. hes never given up on me. hes always been my best friend."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO LOSE MY MIND OVER THEM!!!!!! sobbing crying screaming

from there it was just a quick descent into madness really

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

i rlly like the variation in the different dynamics and how it can be literally heartbreaking in so many different ways! i also just love that theyre FRIENDS, that they still love each other despite everything, just the. AUGH. bruharv is the blueprint, you already know, but like adding in matches puts a spin of it thats just so fucking. bittersweet and hard to look away from its like bracing for a hit but its so fucking good you have to love them. harvey knows its bruce, and knowing hes trying like this but being unable to acknowledge it, just taking whatever you can, its just. hh. and w 2f not knowing its bruce, just growing attached to this man who reminds him so much of the first man he ever really loved, who is able to see him as he is and acknowledge it and love him anyway, and not have to compromise any of that for him!! and KNOWING its bruce, knowing that the realization is going to hurt 2f and bruce wants so bad to help him and be close to him but cant ever risk getting close enough to let him find out!!! and twobruce is like. augh. ive already ranted about them ive already obsessed youll just have to go read that bc this is already too long slkdjfnsdkf. i just kNOW bruce is still so important to 2f i know he loves him i know it. twobats is just hatefucking w an undercurrent of extreme angst on bruces side and harvbat is peak unhealthy delusional angsty hatefucking i love them theyre deranged

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

2f is not a villain anymore than harv is they both have complex relationships w bruce and batman and morality and if you believe otherwise youre ableist <3 im not fucking joking. some of you really need to spend some time researching did bc you bought way too hard into the evil alter trope in a way that disturbs me deeply. get help.

also i think there should be more hatefucking and toxicity i love it when old men are bad people

[neaverse]

I've seen the mcd tag. You're scaring me

Okay, so I recently added that actually. In the beginning, I didn't want to spoil the book, but then I thought about it and I want people to know what they're getting into.

THIS. BOOK. IS. NOT. LIGHT.

There will be deaths. You will fall in love with characters– you’ll hate characters. There's a war and what James and Regulus are planning is simply dangerous. Not everyone will survive, as much as I want that, it's not realistic.

I don't want to spoil much, but I will say this: there will be more than one death. Your favourite might die. Someone you hate might die. Your favourite might live. Someone you hate might live. No one is safe, that's just the reality of it.

Everyone knows what they're getting themselves into. They know the risks. The possibility of dying is there and it will still be there whether they join James and Regulus to kill Voldemort. There's a war. People. Will. Die.

I have had this book planned for a while. The ending is already decided– not set in stone– and I think it's the direction I'm going for. It will be heartbreaking. It will be bittersweet. But it will also be okay, a good ending, in my opinion.

[divinepriestesskokomi]

Yknow, one dynamic that I wish people would talk about more is the dynamic between Faruzan, Collei and Tighnari. It's so wholesome and bittersweet. Little REALLY long ramble about it undercut. My bad it got so long.

Faruzan is a fascinating and really underrated character in general. Her past is so horribly sad and heartbreaking, yet she pushes through all of that and refuses to let her circumstances destroy her, even in a society that no longer understands her.

As far as friendships go, her dynamic with Collei and Tighnari is really interesting and fun.

With Collei, she's very much like a proud yet nosey grandma, always trying to make her become her student (much to both Collei and Tighnari's exasperation) and sneaking her food whenever she visits. We've seen multiple times that she will drop everything to dote on Collei and encourage her studies.

Although I don't think she would be the right fit to teach Collei due to her personality being too overwhelming for Collei to handle, she's nonetheless an important part of Collei's academic journey. Obviously Tighnari plays the biggest part in Collei's academic growth since he is her teacher, Cyno, Kaveh, Alhaiatham and Faruzan are all very important positive influences on her education as well. (She really has a whole team of Sumeru's brightest scholars looking out for her best interest. As she deserves.)

I always think back to this part in Faruzan's character stories:

Everything about this is just so sweet. Faruzan immediately recognizes that Collei is a hardworking and diligent student (albeit at a different learning level than she original thought) and immediately wants to help foster that thirst for knowledge. Also the part at the end about her feeling connected to Collei's ability to overcome horrific trauma.... god my heart. They both deserve the world.

(Also unrelated but Tighnari immediately coming to the rescue the second he hears Collei sound distressed is so cute. Bro went dad mode immediately. Also how he lets Collei be the one to choose whether she wants to tell Faruzan about her still learning to read, king of respecting and supporting his daughter's choices yet again.)

Now as for Faruzan's friendship with Tighnari, that one is really interesting and I hope we get to see it more fleshed out in the future. We don't know how they met, but aside from being friends they seem to be almost like research buddies. Although they come from entirely different fields, it's mentioned that they often collaborate on research, usually when it comes to their interests in mechanics (which is again, neither of their actual fields.)

In her hangout, Tighnari seems to be very familiar with what happened to Faruzan, so much so that, at least to me, it gave the impression that she was the one who told him. If he had just learned about it from rumors, I don't think he would know so much detail, let alone how she feels about all of it. If that's true, it would imply that she trusts him enough to tell him these things. Which is a fair assumption, considering she trust him enough to tell him and Collei about Tamimi in her hangout.

Tighnari also holds alot of respect for her research, which is significant considering his negative view of the Akademiya and some of the scholars. The opposite applies as well, with her respecting his work even though she dislikes the way things are done at the Akademiya in modern days. Really, they have very similar ideals when it comes to the akademiya and the pursuit of knowledge, so it's no wonder they get along.

And even though he gets exasperated at Faruzan's attempts to get Collei to be her student (which I imagine would make other people mad if someone tried to take their student away), he never gets upset with her for it, rather he openly encourages Collei spending time with her.

Faruzan must have been really lonely when she came back, what with everyone she knew and loved having passed on. Then add on how alot of the scholars at the academia don't really show her respect or brush her off because they think she's old and irrelevant, I can't imagine how isolating that must have been. She lost everything and had absolutely no support system to help her through it, which is why it's so nice to see her be close with Collei and Tighnari. It's even sweeter because at the end of one of her hangout routes, Tighnari mentions how he hopes that he, Collei, and the traveler can support her as her new friends.

Overall, I just find the dynamic between the three of them to be so cute, and the little glimpse we got of Cyno's dynamic with her in his second story quest (with her scolding them) made it even cuter. I hope we get to see more of it in the future. (Also Faruzan's friendship with Kaveh! That's a whole other dynamic I could write an essay on, but this post has gone on long enough.)

[cookienha]

☆ farewell, my love (part 1)

¦ zhang hao x gn!reader, angst

¦ tw: mentions/depictions of war

(part 2)

The rain poured relentlessly, drenching my clothes as I stood there infront of him, tears running down my face.

He sighed, closing his eyes as he rubbed his temples, an action he always did when trying to keep himself together. "I know, Y/N. I know," Zhang Hao's voice broke, his voice drowned out by the drumming of the pouring rain against the ground. He stepped closer, holding my hands in his, clasping them together.

"But orders came this morning, they're bringing everyone to the field. I tried to delay it, to get an exemption for just one week but—"

He swallowed the lump constricting him from speaking in his throat, his lips trembling. His eyes met mine, glinting, with a mix of sorrow and helplessness.

The thought of him risking his life in the battlefield shattered my heart to pieces, sinking straight down to my stomach.

"What about us?" I tried to speak, but the voice came out as a whisper, barely audible.

"What about me?"

I sobbed into his arms, voice choked with anguish, tears flowing unchecked. Each wail carried the desperate plea for reassurance amidst the impending separation, my heart breaking with the realization of what could be lost.

I gripped his shirt, clinging to him, as if by doing so he wouldn't disappear, as if my embrace would defy the physics of the universe.

Zhang Hao pulled away, cupping my face in his hands, his thumb gently stroking my tear-stained cheeks. "I promise you, no matter what happens, I'll come back to you," He smiled, a sad glimmer in his eyes.

"I'll find a way and come back to you. We'll have our wedding and we'll continue living our lives together— Just hold on a little longer, my love."

He reassured, his voice trembling with the weight of uncertainty and unspoken fears, a teardrop trailing down his cheeks. His words offered me both solace and heartbreak, a bittersweet promise with no end in sight.

As he pulled away once more, I held his hand, committing the way his skin felt to my memory, uncertain whether this touch would be our last.

With one hand still holding his, I raised the other to unclasp the locket hanging around my neck. The small, gold, heart-shaped locket contained a photo of us together. I silently handed it to him, hoping that in some small way, it would keep us connected even when we were apart.

Zhang Hao placed a soft, chaste kiss on my lips, then on my forehead, lingering just a while longer before pulling away, smiling at me. He didn't want to leave while crying, just to make sure that if today would be the last memory of him for me, it wouldn't be a bad one.

"Don't be too upset, hm? I'll come back." He stroked my hair, tucking a lose strand behind my ears before looking at me endearingly, his eyes scanning my features as if to etch it onto his brain.

With a heavy heart and deep sigh, he lowered his hands. "This isn't a farewell, my love." He chuckled softly before turning on his heels and walking away from the step of my house.

I was now conscious of the water trickling down my face and neck, my hands trembling as I counted the steps it took for him reach the gate of my house. "Hao..." I tried to call out but there was no voice left.

Just then, he stopped in his tracks right before he went past the gate, turning around to face me. Raising a hand, he waved goodbye with a smile etched on his face, a smile that I hoped to see whenever I close my eyes, his other hand tightly clenching around the locket.

'This isn't farewell.' I thought.

I waved back, mirroring his smile to lessen the pain for the both of us.

'Please don't let this be our farewell.'

[adultingunscriptedblog]

Beyond the Heart-Shaped Balloons: Navigating Valentine's Day with Love & Self-Care

Date Debacles & Discoveries

Valentine's Day: a day painted in hues of rose, red, and...sometimes, a tinge of bittersweet blue. Whether you're basking in the glow of a new love or navigating the single life, this day can trigger a rollercoaster of emotions. But amidst societal expectations and commercial hype, remember one thing: your healing journey is uniquely yours.

Don't get swept away by the pressure to conform. Take a deep breath and acknowledge your feelings, whether it's the joy of budding romance or the pang of past heartbreak. Healing isn't linear; it's a winding path with unexpected detours and moments of vulnerability. Embrace them all.

Some days, the lovey-dovey atmosphere might feel like a punch to the gut. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. But remember, love is a potent force that transcends romantic relationships. It exists in the laughter shared with friends, the warmth of family support, and even the quiet moments of self-discovery.

A remarkable woman once told me: "Find someone who loves you for you." True love embraces your flaws and quirks, not despite them, but because they make you, you. Don't settle for anything less.

Being Single is a Gift, Not a Curse:

Society might pressure you to couple up, but being single isn't a waiting room for a relationship; it's an exciting opportunity for self-discovery and growth. Ditch the self-deprecating jokes and embrace your independence. Unleash your inner explorer, reignite old hobbies, or finally take that pottery class you've been eyeing. Remember, you are whole and complete just as you are. This is your time to shine, discover, and define yourself on your own terms.

Self-Love: The Ultimate Power Move:

Amidst the external connections, don't forget the most crucial one: the one with yourself. Surround yourself with love, but prioritize self-love. Delve into your values, desires, and dreams. Self-love isn't a luxury; it's the fuel that propels you towards a fulfilling life.

Wishing Your Ex Well (Even if it Hurts):

Letting go is never easy, but holding onto resentment only hinders your own healing. Wish your ex well on their journey, even if it's just a silent thought. Forgiveness is a necessary step for growth it isn't about condoning their actions; it's about freeing yourself from the emotional burden.

Love Will Find You (When It's Ready):

Don't force it. True love thrives when you least expect it, and it definitely doesn't need a Hallmark holiday as a catalyst. Focus on building a fulfilling life you love, and the right connections will naturally blossom. Love is real, and it awaits you when the time is right, not as a replacement, but as a beautiful new chapter.

So, this Valentine's Day, ditch the dating apps, don't call your fuck buddy, fight the ex-texting temptations, and silence your inner critic. Instead, create a personalized celebration of YOU. Treat yourself to a self-care ritual, indulge in a guilty pleasure, or connect with loved ones who truly see you.

Recite these affirmations like a mantra:

I am worthy of love and respect.

My happiness is in my own hands.

I am strong, resilient, and evolving.

Love abounds in unexpected places, and I am open to it.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Embrace the love around you, nurture the love within, and know that you are loved, cherished, and deserving of all the happiness this world has to offer. Happy Valentine's Day, to you and the incredible being you are!

/ Winging it, but still making it.