#I genuinely can’t believe I’m still alive sometimes like I was in just so much pain for that whole year and I don’t know how I managed to

[voiceshearingyouloud]

It makes me so happy that despite the fact that literally any other reminder of my life at the beginning of 2022 makes me feel like I’m back there in hell, but the playlist of songs my partner made for me that I listened to every single day has never made me feel anything but safe. My PTSD is so bad that even walking down the street and seeing the light of a streetlamp a certain way will trigger a flashback, but these songs are still comforting even though they are so attached to that time of my life for me.

[allbark-no-bite]

don’t write checks you can’t cash.

jake seresin x reader (wc: 3.6k)

summary: jake seresin is under your skin. or maybe you’re under his. either way you’re going to eat each other alive. jake isn’t about to take the fall

warnings: mentioned age gap, heavy sexual tension (the smut is coming i promise)

author’s note: back on my topgun bullshit bitches (respectfully). i’m not usually one for multi part fics but i actually wrote something with plot for once so please just bear with me. loosely inspired by Zach Bryan’s ‘nineball’. please note this fic title is subject to change bc i hate it

(you can read part 2 here!)

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You don't believe in love at first sight. You think the whole concept is some foolish idea that people who have already fallen in love have the liberty of saying they believe in. Then people who have been through failed relationship after failed relationship are convinced that they're never going to fall in love because it just doesn't happen. The whole idea pretty much just sets the rest of the population up for failure from the start.

Even the concept of finding the right person one day and growing to love them is hard for you to grasp. Because how can you love someone that much? How do you know you love them enough?There are some days that you don't enjoy the presence of even your closest friends for very long, friends who you would do anything for. Even family, you only tolerated so much.

Your high school boyfriend hated that about you, the fact that you realistically needed so little of him—or anyone for that matter. You have always been violently independent, able to provide what you require, and therefore having to maintain a simplistic relationship became nothing but a monotonous task. Even most of your closest friendships faded with time.

Eventually, you prosed the question: what can someone else give me that I cannot give myself?

The answer was companionship. Because when you strip away everything from a person and all they have left to offer you is themself, you have to be willing to choose them. And sometimes that's not the most appealing quality.

Something did happen, the first time you made eye contact with Lt. Jake Seresin, but it was far from love. It was something terrible in your chest, like an aching. Like you knew in your gut that he was going to change your life. Good or bad, you didn't know, but it was certain to happen.

You don't even believe that you two were destined to meet — you just happened to, and in that moment, the damage was done, it was your fate to ruin each other.

——

You like the way he says your name. You like that he says your name on purpose, like he is intentionally seeking out reasons to say it. It's not as harsh sounding coming from his mouth.

"You from around here, [L/n]?"

You're wiping down the glass hatch of your F/A-18 when he approaches you from behind. You swivel your head to catch sight of him behind your back but he's already making a wide circle around you, his chin tipping up then down as he inspects your plane from behind his tinted aviators.

As you watch him scrutinize your aircraft, you regard him with a certain level of apprehension. Jake Seresin was nothing short of gorgeous. He was six feet of bronze skin and lean muscle, withbright green eyes, and a movie star smile. Not to mention the southern accent that had girls drooling over him.

"Austin," you correct him. "Austin, Texas."

You'd been transferred over to Miramar a little over a month ago, becoming the newest addition to the Dagger squad. California was a nice change of scenery, and everyone you had met so far had welcomed you with open arms. That is, everyone but Lt. Seresin— Hangman as they called him. You were still trying to find your footing with him.

You genuinely don't know what his problem is with you. The guy had hardly even given you a glance since the moment you'd arrived. Your first guess would have been that he was one of those dickheads who didn't like women working in the field, but his relationship with Phoenix disproved that theory.

Your answer seems to warrant his attention, and he looks up. His expression twitches at the correction but he doesn't say anything in response. For the first time since you arrived at Miramar, still, unsmiling green eyes catch yours from across the aircraft.

You hold his gaze. After a moment, your stomach twists in an unsettling way, like even it doesn't know what to do with itself. Your first instinct is to look away. Your brain is telling you that if you do, you can avoid any sort of confrontation that may happen as a result. But it's like you can't.

This is the first time he's looked at you, and now you don't dare to look away.

Even from behind the tint of his perfectly polished aviators, you can make out the distinct color of his green eyes. They're so distracting that you have to remind yourself to breathe.

After what feels like eons of uncomfortable staring, he breaks your gaze —surely it couldn't have been longer than a few seconds. Flustered, you glance around to see if anyone else has picked up on the affair. Fortunately, or unfortunately, you're not quite sure which, it's nearing 6pm and the base is on the better side of empty. It's a Friday evening and everyone is eager to head out for the weekend.

Someone clears their throat. Hangman is still standing there, hands shoved in his pockets like he doesn't have anywhere better to be. You want to say something but your gut is telling you that there's some sort of game going on here and you're not sure of the rules.

Finally, he faintly nods his head, as if to excuse himself, and turns to walk away. You watch his retreating back and relax a little, breathing a bit easier.

As you're turning back to your plane, relieved that the interaction is over, you hear him call back over his shoulder.

“The team is heading to the Hard Deck at nine. Don't be late."

And then he's gone, disappeared between one of the hangars.

——

For nine thirty on a Friday evening, the bar isn't nearly as busy as you'd expected it to be. You don't have to fight for a parking spot out front and there's not even a line at the bar. Other than a rowdy looking gaggle accumulating at the pool table, the atmosphere is pretty laid back. Looking around as you walk further in, there is a handful of people in civilians, but the majority of the crowd is composed of off duty aviators in their summer khakis.

You're about to head over to the bar top, where you were sure you had spotted Captain Mitchell, when someone shouts your name.

"Hawk!"

Your head swivels at the sound of your callsign, and you catch sight of Rooster beckoning to you over at the pool table. Immediately you recognize the familiar faces of the Dagger squad around him. You acknowledge him with a smile and head over to join them.

“And here we thought you were going to be a no-show," the brunette pilot chirps, his arm wrapping around your shoulder as soon as you're close enough. You lean into his embrace while touching his chest with a friendly pat of your hand. Bradley is by no means close to drunk but most definitely more than a little buzzed if you're going off of the smell of beer and lime on his breath and the occasional involuntary twitch of his mustache.

"I thought about it, but I can't keep letting you guys have all the fun," you laugh, holding out your other arm so that you can greet Natasha with a hug as Rooster releases you.

After hugging you, she presses a sweating bottle of beer into your hand. "Coyote bought everyone a round so I figured I'd save you one before the boys wiped them out. Sorry if it's a bit warm, you did show up fashionably late."

You playfully roll your eyes at her, taking the beer anyhow. "Thanks, Phe."

Payback places a large palm on the top of your head, diverting your attention towards him as he returns from the bar. "Don't let her fool you, we're just getting started over here. Rooster isn't even drunk enough to get on the piano yet."

Laughing, you glance over at the brunette aviator. "Now that I've been waiting to see. I hear you're quite the show, Bradshaw."

Since you transferred over to Miramar, you had been hounded nonstop to go out drinking with the team for weeks, and Rooster's infamous performance had been one of their key selling points. That and the fact that the owner, Penny, often gave them free drinks. Apparently she had a thing for Captain Mitchell.

Rooster grins, leaning against the pool stick in his hand as he waits for Fanboy to take his shot. "Let me get a couple more beers deep and I promise you won't be disappointed."

As you go about making your rounds to greet everyone else, you can't help but notice that there's someone missing. After you take a seat beside Bob to watch Rooster and Fanboy play, you glance around the bar a few times, convinced that you've somehow overlooked him despite the fact that the place isn't busy enough for that.

An almost disappointed feeling pulls at you despite how ridiculous the realization makes you feel.

After spending the better part of an half hour trying to push the feeling away, you finally spot a familiar head of blonde hair over at the dartboard. He's by himself, about three darts in and half a bottle of beer down. So much for the personal invitation, you think.

You watch as he throws a dart, practically without so much as aiming whilst contemplating whether or not you even have it in you to muster up the courage to face those green eyes again.

Without giving yourself the chance to back down, you swallow back the rest of your now warm beer and head over.

He tosses another dart just as you reach him, and it finds itself dead center with the previous three.

"With a hand like that, you should be kicking Rooster's ass over there in pool," you say as you come to a stop behind him.

Walking away from the dartboard, Jake turns to grab his bottle of beer from the table beside you.

"I'm not much of a betting man," he huffs, leaning back against the table. The muscles of his biceps bugle distractingly against the sleeves of his uniform.

You look back over your shoulder, watching from a distance as Fanboy's cue clips the eight ball and sends it ricocheting off the sidewall. He groans, and Rooster whoops triumphantly from behind him.

"It wouldn't be much of a bet. Even with his winning streak, I think you'd give him a run for his money."

Hangman takes a sip from his bottle, mouth lingering on the rim before he sets it back down and crosses his arms. "Rooster's all luck and no skill. The table's got a lean."

You raise your eyebrows at the confession, half laughing at his lax confidence. "Oh? And you would know this how?"

"C'mon, son. Fuckin' hit it in."

Body tense, his arm quivers ever so slightly and the pool stick bobs shakily in his hand. He closes his eyes and takes a breath in.

"I haven't got all day, kid."

He breathes out and breathes back in. The smell of cigar smoke and cheap beer swims in his head.

"What're you doin'?! Quit wastin' time."

He exhales, opens his eyes, and hits the pool stick forward. The white cue ball shoots out to the left, bounces against the eight ball, and sends it hurdling towards the side pocket. At the very last moment, it veers off to the left and falls into  the back corner pocket instead.

The man standing on the other side of the table curses, his pool stick dropping to the ground, but Jake pays little mind to him. He straightens, looking around eagerly for the only set of eyes that matter. The grin falls from his face when he realizes the old man isn't even watching, too busy counting out his prize money and yanking out a ten to hand to the bartender.

Jake looks up at the clock on the wall over his shoulder.

12:57 am

"Dad, I wanna go home."

"Not yet, son. I've already got fifty put down on another round."

"Want me to show you?"

His offer makes you pause, and you can't help but cock your head a bit as you try to weigh out just where this is heading. For weeks he has acted as though you barely even existed and now you're engaged in the longest conversion the two of you have had since your arrival.

Jake finishes his drink and sets the bottle down whilst walking over to you. "Final offer. Take it or leave it."

You laugh a little before stepping back so that he can make his way to the pool table. "Lead the way then." But before you can make it too far, his palm finds the flat of your back, pressing you forward so that you're in front of him. You're glad he can't see you because your face flashes hot at the unexpected contact.

"I'm not the one playing, kid. I'm just going to show you the ropes."

"Oh, I didn't-"

Any objections you have about the situation are ignored as he pushes you firmly in the direction of the pool table and asks Payback for his cue. "Look alive, Bradshaw. Hawk is about to show you how this thing is done."

Straightening his wide shoulders, Bradley grins, smug and easy as you and Hangman approach the opposite side of the table. "And here I thought you were here to reclaim your throne now that I'm intoxicated."

Jake grins back. "You don't need to be drunk for me to do that."

Bradley's mustache twitches, but he's still smiling. "Sure."

Jake turns back to you, placing the pool stick in your hand. You can't help but think that his expression is all too confident for someone who has never even seen you play pool.

"Nervous?" he asks as you take the stick from him.

"Should I be?" you ask back, turning your head to watch as Rooster takes the liberty of breaking the rack.

He shakes his head, his green eyes glowing with a warmth that you've yet to see from him. "Not as long as you don't totally suck."

Seeing that it's your turn, you brush past him to stand at the table. "I guess I'll let you be the judge of that."

Thankfully you've played your fair share of pool and so you're able to hold your own for most of the game. Jake remains criminally silent as you play, arms once again crossed as he leans against a nearby stool, but you can feel his gaze burning into your back the entire time. It isn't until the end of the game and you've missed the same ball multiple times that he steps in.

"Shift left," he directs you. When you glance over at him, he nods his head as if to insinuate where you should move but doesn't move from where he's planted himself since the beginning of the game.

Hesitantly, you shuffle over a half step and take the shot. The ball comes closer than you have been but still hits the sidewall just short of the pocket. You huff in frustration, and Rooster steps forward to take his turn, sinking his second to last ball in the same pocket.

"I hope you're ready to buy the next round, Seresin. Looks like Hawk is losing her nerve," Bradley goads, unable to keep himself from boasting a little at your expense. When it comes to Hangman, he can't resist the chance to taunt him.

You roll your eyes at his comment, not bothered so much by it as compared to the fact that you're losing. When it's your turn again, you line up the ball and lean down to assume your position when Jake stops you.

All the sudden he's right beside you, palm pressing into your hip to scoot you to the side. "Move over." When you look at him like he's crazy, he huffs. "C'mon, do you want my help or not?"

It isn't so much of a question as it is a statement and the press of his hand against your side doesn't leave you much of an option and so you shuffle over to the far right side of the pool table.

Before you can even comprehend what's going on, he's leant over you, his impossibly tall frame pressed to your back so that he can reach around you and guide your hands. One wraps around your hand on the stick and the other cups your opposite elbow.

It takes everything in you not to jerk away, overwhelmed by his sudden proximity. Instead you try to focus on controlling your hammering heart and pray he can't tell how clammy your palms suddenly are.

"Hey, that's not allowed," Rooster complains. "Is that allowed?"

Coyote shrugs. "It's not not allowed."

Distracted by their bickering, his voice in your ear nearly makes you jump. "Hit the cue ball. Hard."

The lean press of his body is almost enough to distract you from the fact that he's done a god awful job of lining up the shot. There's not one alternate reality where you make this shot.

"You can't be serious."

He's so close that you feel him smile beside your ear. "Dead."

"Any day now," Rooster prompts, as if you aren't aware that Jake Seresin has been pressed against you for an uncomfortably long amount of time. And if Hangman has noticed the fact that your heart is fluttering erratically inside your chest or that your skin is flushed hot to the touch, he doesn't let on. 

"I'm waiting," he reminds you, his voice placid in your ear.

Against your better judgement, you take the shot.

The white cue ball hurtles into the black eight ball with a hard clack and sends it flying across the table. It smashes against the sidewall, exactly as you had expected it to, and you release a breath of defeat. And then something unexpected happens. The ball slows, but instead of bouncing to a stop, it continues to roll left across the table. You all watch as it rolls directly into back corner pocket of the table.

"Well I'll be damned," Payback mutters aloud.

"Hell yeah, [L/n]!" Phoenix shouts, her loud and robust voice ringing out across the bar. "Shots are on Bradshaw!"

"Thanks buddy," Coyote laughs, teasingly grabbing the back of the brunette aviator's shoulders as he heads off for the bar.

Bradley waves them off, looking a bit miffed but still good naturedly accepting his defeat.

"How about it? You're a cold blooded killer."

Like a bucket of ice water being dumped over your head, the sound of Hangman's voice coming from behind you jerks you back to reality. You haven't even noticed that he'd stepped away. Something inside you twinges at the loss of his body pressed against yours.

You turn around to face him, your brain still trying to comprehend what just happened.

"How'd you do that?" you ask incredulously, your tone almost accusing. A deeper part of you wants to ask 'why did you do that' but the smile on his face stops you.

His top row of pearly white teeth that you glimpse is pristine, however brief, before his pink lips come back together in a more subdued smile. It's an expression that is so very genuine and carefree that it sends a spark straight through to your heart. You've never seen him actually smile before, and especially not at you.

"You're smiling," you accuse before you can stop the words from coming out of your mouth, half giddy at the discovery yourself.

Jake looks slightly away, turning his head briefly in order to suppress his smile before looking back to you. “Yeah? So?” His green eyes are twinkling as he says it, like he knows he’s been caught.

You jab the short end of the pool stick into the center of his chest, but he’s quick to grab it before it can find home.

“Up until yesterday, you could barely stand to even look at me,” you say.

He bites the inside of his cheek. “That’s not true.”

“So you’re saying that I’m seeing things.” You try to tug back on the pool stick but Hangman doesn’t release it.

“I’m saying you shouldn’t be seeing things.”

With that, a larger portion of the previous smile is gone from his face, a more sober look replacing it.

Just like that the spark fades. Even though you want to shut down, turn your back to his face and just walk away. You force yourself to keep talking, holding your voice steady. “I don’t think I’m following you.”

Inside you know exactly what he means.

His eyes flicker up over your shoulder but the Dagger squad has already moved on to crowd around Rooster at the piano.

You clamp your jaw together as he releases the pool cue and crosses his arms in front of his chest. It makes him look more relaxed than he is.

"Look, whatever this is—whatever you think I am, I'm not." He says this with the realistic conviction of someone who knows that even if it is, you can't. He says it like he’s trying to convince himself.

You’re not quite sure how old he is—barely thirty if you had to guess— but he’s older. Too old. Not to mention fraternization is deeply frowned upon.

"I know," you answer firmly. Because you do. Because even if it isn't, you want it, whatever it is.

He stares down at you with those green eyes, his pupils pinpoint sharp. After a moment he heaves a sigh and releases it, nodding his head. “So we’re in agreement?”

“Yeah,” you answer. “We’re in agreement.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

[dyaz-stories]

found an island in your arms || Eun Hyuk x Reader

word count: 1.4k

warnings & tags: angst, eun hyuk deserves a hug and he gets one, eun hyuk is a little controlling towards the reader

previous one-shot

A/N: my entry for day two of @neohumanmonster's Turning a New Leaft event! Prompt: Change in Nature. While this is in relation with yesterday's entry, there is no need to have read it to understand this one, it just provides a little more context.

Eun Hyuk is more tense lately, more irritable. Everyone can feel it, though most people chalk it up to the dwindling rations and the growing fear that the army simply isn’t coming to save you. You can tell that Eun Yu doesn’t believe in that, though, and neither do you.

Eun Yu doesn’t seem to have an actual explanation for her brother’s out of character behavior. She pokes and probes and throws out cutting remarks to see what sticks, but she doesn’t seem all that worried either.

“He does that sometimes,” she answers you bluntly when you ask if she thinks Eun Hyuk is doing alright. “There’s probably something he wants to fix. I’m sure he’ll get there. He just needs a little push.”

That doesn’t satisfy you. You don’t like to sit idle while people are in pain, don’t like to sit idle at all, actually, even if someone is hammering that you’re doing it ‘for the greater good”. But the thing is, you and Eun Hyuk… don’t get along that well. You clashed a bunch in the beginning, before you were outvoted by the people who thought Eun Hyuk would bring them safety, at least. It was a short-term solution, what he was offering, you’d argued — to which he had replied that yours was a death sentence.

You still admired him. The decisions he had to make on a daily basis couldn’t be easy ones to make, nor were the sacrifices. Of course, you still often believed he chose wrong, but you had to admit that he had kept most of the group alive until now, and considering the circumstances, that was truly impressive.

You just wish that he would let you do more. Instead, he’s constantly getting in your way, particularly when it comes to helping the infected. ‘Your abilities could help the whole group’, he’d say. ‘We can’t afford to lose them because you trusted someone you shouldn’t have.’ It drove you insane, how easily he’d interfere, always with these pseudo rational arguments that you never really bought were genuine ones.

It felt as if they were just for show, and as such you never felt all that guilty for going against his orders.

You weren’t dumb. You wouldn’t put others in danger unless they were willing to risk themselves for something. But you also refused to let others get hurt through your own inaction. So if you had to sneak around to see Hyun-Su’s in order to treat his wounds and bring him food, then you’d do as you damn pleased, and neither Eun Hyuk nor anyone else had any say in that. It was your life, and it was your decision.

Still, you can’t say you’re thrilled when you find Eun Hyuk waiting for you when you exit Hyun-Su’s so-called room. He’s leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, and he gives you an annoyed look when you come out.

“What did I tell you?” he asks you coldly.

You grimace. The two of you are almost the same age, and you hate that patronizing tone he insists on taking with you.

“Hyun-Su needed help,” you say. “There is a limit to what even you can ask of me.”

He’s silent for a while. You notice him clenching his fists, and something unusually dark passes in his eyes. His jaw tenses, a vein bulges on his forehead. You think you’ve done it now, that you’re going to get an earful — even if you still don’t quite understand why. There’s simply no reason for him to care that much, and the lack of control is blatantly unlike him.

You’d run into him often, before this whole— thing— started. He was always quiet but sweet, would smile politely when you got in the elevator, maybe exchange niceties with you when you met in the lobby. He’d leave early and come home late, with the look of someone who hadn’t taken a breather all day, but it never appeared to have any effect on his temper.

That’s what’s throwing you off right now. How angry he seems to be.

After what feels like an eternity, he exhales, relaxes his hand.

“I guess you’re right,” he says, but his voice sounds too even now, like it’s forced. “I can’t force you to do anything. I just wish you’d consider that—” He cuts himself off the second his voice becomes strained again, looks away from you.

None of that is normal for him.

“Eun Hyuk,” you say, taking a step towards him. “Is there something wrong?”

He stares in your eyes for a second, and for that second, you think that maybe he’ll give you an honest answer.

“Everything is wrong,” he says in the end, and again, you know it’s nothing more than a half-truth. Then again, you can’t blame him for not telling you. “Can you even remember the last time thing went right for us?”

It’s not that he’s lying, it’s just that you know he’s not being genuine, and so you don’t bother continuing that line of discussion. It unnerves the other residents when you drop a conversation that is clearly going nowhere, makes them think you’re avoidant, but you think Eun Hyuk understands it. Close enough, anyway.

“You should still tell someone,” you tell him.

“I— What?”

“I get why you wouldn’t want to tell me,” you say with a shrug. “I still think you should tell your sister. Or Jae-Heon, I guess, if you’re more comfortable with that, but I get why it can’t be me.” You take a step towards him, put a hand on his shoulder. You do it slowly, as if you were trying not to spook a skittish cat. Eun Hyuk glances down at your hand, but makes no movement to get rid of it. “I’m here if you need me.”

He scoffs, looks away from you, pushes his glasses higher on his nose. But you don’t let go, and he doesn’t actually move away from you.

“I mean it,” you say softly. “If you want to talk, or if there’s any other way to help you. Just let me know.”

He closes his eyes. You wait for it to sink in, then take your hand off, hoping you haven’t pushed a boundary already. As you break contact with him, though, he grabs your wrist without warning, and pulls you into him. Your chest collides with him as he wraps both arms around and his chin comes rest on your shoulder.

You’re surprised by how strong his embrace is, how he clearly doesn’t want to let go.

“Eun Hyuk?” you squeak.

“Just— Just give me a second,” he says, voice so low you barely hear it. “Please. Just let me have that.”

You feel your heart almost breaking at the desperate plea. Slowly, you close your arms around him, start rubbing his back. You’re not sure what’s happening, not completely, but you know he’s warm against you, and you know you need that contact, too.

Seconds go by, until he takes a step back, clearing his throat. He refuses to meet your eyes, but you don’t miss that his cheekbones are dusted pink now.

“Sorry, I—” Then he lets out a long exhale, and appears to get himself back under control. “You offered.”

You’re not fooled in any way by that, but you still nod.

“And the offer still stands. If you need any help, you know where to find me.”

Another long exhale.

“You— Why— Why would you—”

“Because you need help,” you answer. “You’re the one who’s looking after everyone, and I want to make sure there’s someone looking after you, too.” Eun Yu does, sure, but Eun Yu’s a kid, and that’s a lot of responsibility to put on her shoulders.

“Thank you,” Eun Hyuk mumbles, still not looking at you. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Then he gives you a vague nod and leaves the hallway without once looking back.

Your eyes follow him, worried. You’re afraid he’s reaching his breaking point. This situation is revealing things about people, about yourself, too, even if you don’t like looking at it. Clearly, it’s changing you.

You can only hope that Eun Hyuk will withstand that change — and be by his side for as long as he needs you to.

hope you're enjoying this! tomorrow's entry will be for hyun-su ^-^ as always, reblogs and comments are strongly appreciated and keep me motivated and writing :)

more writing for sweet home

[mailjeevasfan]

hii! Can you do death note cast with a fem s/o who is very pretty, nice and rich pls? Like those pretty girls with Dior and Channel

ofc!

-death note x fem!reader

-light, l lawliet, misa amane, mello, matt, near, matsuda

༺♡༻

dn characters with a sweet gf who loves designers ❦

light

-he’d probably look good with a gf like this

-light is eager to make his public image look good, and having a presentable and wealthy girlfriend is definitely going to help with that.

-it feels strange to say but bro has a stressful life lmao so you being super sweet and nice all the time is going to be good for him. even if he doesn’t appreciate it on the outside very often, he really does.

༺♡༻

l lawliet

-i don’t think he would care too much for designer clothes and stuff like that. i mean, have you seen him

-however he appreciates that it is important to you. he knows that it’s the kind of thing you’re interested in, and slowly begins to compliment you when you have a new top or expensive perfume on etc (i’d like to believe you do this to get him to notice). i can also see him buying you gifts he knows you’d like, the crazy ass skyscraper he built proves he has the money (i’m still confused about that. aizawa had the realest perspective)

-i also think he’d find your personality cute. as much as he’d like to believe he’s great at staying on track with his work, even with you around, he can’t resist how sweet you are sometimes.

༺♡༻

misa amane

-would LOOOVE this!! she’d absolutely adore having a gf who appreciates high end fashion the way she does.

-even if your styles differ at times, you still both have a great eye for this sort of thing. you love to borrow each others clothes and go shopping together and stuff.

-i think misa with another very nice and wealthy girl would go down well tbh. you both being so sweet would work well and you’d be very close, especially due to your common interests.

༺♡༻

mello

-he’s a pretty stylish guy let’s be real. even if he doesn’t get it the way you do, with the specific designers you like, he still appreciates your love for that kind of thing.

-he’d never say it, but he finds your style very cute. i think he’d also buy you gifts that you’d really like. if he saw you in something he bought for you, he’d be so so happy

-your personality contrasts his well. he learns that he needs to be less aggressive and crazy all the time LMAO. in return, he teaches you to be more blunt sometimes. he totally teases you for being kinda preppy and for ur niceness from time to time. IN AN ENDEARING WAY THO

༺♡༻

matt

-kind of similar to l, except he can understand the want to be more fashionable. i mean he has drip bffr

-but seriously he gets it, but probably isn’t all that interested. he likes to see you happy when you’re in your favourite clothes, it makes him happy to see it. he probably doesn’t care about wealthiness, he just loves you because of who you are

-however, like mello, he also probably teases you for being kind of preppy and also being super sweet and nice.

༺♡༻

near

-this sounds so weird and stupid but i feel like near would appreciate the craftsmanship and detail orientation of the clothing? LMAO IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN he’s obviously not interested in fashion one bit but that’s kind of his way of trying to understand your love for it. it’s just how his brain sees it

-he would also buy you new clothes and stuff because it’s an easier way for him to show affection

-he really likes your personality too. he’s a pretty cold guy most of the time so you manage to warm him up a little ig

༺♡༻

matsuda

-aw i think he’d be so cute. i think matsuda is another person who genuinely gets your love of expensive clothes and materialistic things. he strikes me as a guy who would love love love to own a very expensive watch (you buy him one for his birthday. he cries)

-he’s the sweetest man alive so he’s probably the best match for a person like this on the list imo

-you guys are the cutest little couple. misa especially would find you guys absolutely adorable

༺♡༻

[cocogum]

Let’s TALK about episodes 9 and 10 people… (part 2)

PART 1 : HERE

(‼️SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4‼️)

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And of course, we got Qilby who’s finally got the eliatrope dofus back and left the chat. I liked how he was talking to Shinonome tho even if she was still in their shared dofus. This taught me that even if one sibling is alive, they can still communicate with their twin in their dofus.

And here we go again with Qilby wanting to make A NEW ELIACUBE. Only this time, he’ll name that one the “Eliasphere”.

Because of this, it was finally confirmed that Lokus was a mechasm. And it all makes perfect sense now.

When Qilby finally reached Lokus’ heart, we get flashes and quick imageries of those very same mechasms. When we pause on every single one of them, we get to see these:

(I love how these mechasms kinda look like biblical angels tho lol)

Yeah, we’re screwed.

And then we’re back with Yugo and my god he keeps convulsing so much I’m so confused as to how he can keep talking so normally after all this.

I didn’t even try to screenshot this at a good angle, this is exactly what happened when I just took it. It’s perfect.

ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS SHOT?!? I know how some of us have seen this scene as a preview for the episode but I just LOVE how good this looks. The colors and the vibe are sending me!! I still also remember how people used to theorize on who this could have been lying down in front of Toross back when we didn’t know it was Yugo. I heard things like Amalia, Nora, Yugo obviously, and even Efrim. Those were some fun times…

Bro. I can’t stop staring.

I know he’s going through hell right now but like….damn he’s built. He’s such a slut.

*clears throat*

😩❤️‍🔥💖🎶DADDY’S HOME🎶💖❤️‍🔥😩‼️‼️‼️

I believe his growth and powers should get elevated to fight stronger opponents which is why I am happy that he grew 🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢 I only want the best for him after all 🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢

Yugo just accepted death when you think about it. When Oropo explained to him what the necromes would do and what would become of him, Yugo was lost yes but he accepted it. He welcomed it even. Right after that, we see him fighting with Bouillon and smiling. He’s smiling when he shouldn’t be. But because Oropo told him he’d make him stop thinking about the outside world, he’s smiling. The slow process of his death was currently happening and Yugo couldn’t do a thing.

That’s what frustrates me but makes me admire Yugo. It’s the fact that he always gets so close to death but when he learns that there’s finally nothing he can do about it, he just accepts it.

I think that’s pretty respectable but….

WHY DO U THINK LIKE THAT?!?!?

Honestly he can be even dumber than Dally sometimes.

He’s such a dummy THAT HE’S SMILING LIKE A DUMBASS CHILD WHILE FIGHTING BOUILLON

I just-

I can’t handle his smugness stop.

STOP!!!

But in all seriousness tho I gotta address Nora.

Because omg Nora.

I genuinely feel so horrible for her.

She spent thousands of years searching for her mother with Efrim. She spent so many years of her life looking for her mother and never gave up. She almost lost the connection and then got it back and when she finally found her, she lost Efrim, then went with her mother and has done nothing else but listen to her mother, give out orders for her, and try to be the center of the family circle so she could keep its balance.

She has realized that she will no longer be able to be reborn like her other siblings and will eventually stay stuck in her dofus for all eternity. She is aware that when she dies, she won’t be remembered by her other siblings and her place in the council of six will fade away as if all those thousands of years spent with them happened for nothing. The only one who will remember her will be Qilby who will think of her as the long-lost sister none of the others remember and will ever get to meet her. She will disappear in the face of the krosmoz and will never come back.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, she gets tricked by Efrim and gets statufied so that her powers can be used by Toross whenever he wants to. Her situation became ironic, even laughable too. Because now, instead of dying and not being able to go back to her dofus, she is physically incapable of moving and will forever be used by Toross. No matter the outcome, Nora can’t come back to her dofus. Compared to Yugo, Toross doesn’t let out a tear at his action inflicted on Nora and instead thanks her. Nora’s last memory of all of this is Toross telling her how the world will have nothing but hunger.

“You can't do this! Have mercy! Don’t make me responsible for the end of the world!”

In the end, her last word was her brother’s name.

Nora deserved more.

All she had done as of now was help others and try to fix what she could. She never stopped to think about what she could’ve done for herself.

That Qilby vs Lokus fight is just *chef’s kiss*

“My brother, my king.”

Qilby is a real legend.

Now some people might wonder why his death was considered a sad one when he can just die, get reborn, and not lose any of his memories. While that is technically true, he’s not losing anything. And that’s exactly why it’s sad. Qilby can’t lose anything no matter what he does. Which is why he had no trouble dying. If dying meant helping Yugo find some way to obtain Lokus’ heart, then he’d do it. Unlike his siblings, he’s the only one able to confidently have that mindset and say it’s nothing to worry about. He did it for his king so that like he told Yugo:

“I hope that when we wake up, the planets will still be here.”

And this is why Yugo cried for him.

Despite being rejected over and over again, despite being called a traitor, despite being called a monster and a killer, Qilby stayed true to himself even until the end. Qilby’s sense of wonder and curiosity, the very same things that had made him look like a freak to Yugo, is what saved his king.

[permetutotheworld]

hi my name is Nyx, I use they/she pronouns, I’m an asexual lesbian, I’m autistic+adhd,

and I’m a minor (please don’t be creepy I’ve already had two people message me being weird and sexual)

I write a lot of poetry and I’m writing a book at the moment based off of the idea of multiple universes existing at a time, I sing and I love performing, specifically musical theatre

I ALSO TAKE REQUESTS!! I write poetry mostly for them but microfics tooo, for good omens, the marauders, percy jackson, les mis and any TJ Klune books that ive read, just pop a prompt into my inbox and ill do my best to get jt to you as fast as i can <3

my fandoms are : Les Mis, good omens, pjo, marauders, hunger games, aru shah, marvel, doctor who

my favourite music: queen, Maisie peters, the last dinner party, the crane wives, Taylor Swift, Florence and the machine, rene Rapp, Chappell roan, David Bowie, blondie, boygenius, most musicals

favourite books: house in the cerulean sea, under the whispering door, in the lives of puppets (all by TJ Klune)

my tags:

Nyx yaps: my silly little commentary on anything that happens to me

nyx vents: my life low-key sucks quite a lot at time so I vent a bit but I make sure to trigger warning everything triggering

nyx writes: I write silly little poems and stories that I post sometimes

Please dni if you’re queerphobic or discriminate against minorities in general, if you support trump or other dickwads like him or if you’re just going to be mean

also I do struggle a lot with mental health so I probably will randomly disappear or vent but I’ll make sure to trigger warning everything

I also have a James potter rp account which you can check out too!! @prongsie-rambles

i also have a nico di angelo one at @nico-sees-dead-people which is really cool too!!

if you like my blog you should check out my amazing mutuals whom I love and adore:

@xenocollector LES MIS RAAA

@sauntering-vaguelydownward literally so sweet ilysm/platonically

@marylily-my-beloved love you Fatimah omg

@cheekyboybeth very purple coded person and very cool also so genuinely lovely

@theoristswan5683 literally so nice omg they have the loveliest vibes 😭

@ashstillalive Amazing writer amazing person will happily beta read for you anytime

@mae-occasionally-reads so sweet so lovely so cool so glad we’re mutuals love you so much/platonic vibes only MY BEST FRIEND

@definitionoffuckup very cool individual

@rafaelthesilly I KNOW YOU IN REAL LIFE POOKIE YOURE THE BEST LESBIAN BUDDIE MY AMAZING SPOUSE ILYSM (platonically)

@ineffable-ezra I have more octopus facts for you!!!!!!!

@garden-of-runar the coolest person alive still can’t believe you followed me back

@ravenwordss literally so sweet love you/pl

@pyromaniacbibliophile my spouse bc we are married

@cossie-fauchelevant the one and only cosette to my enjolras <3

[virusinfected-memes]

TUMBLR TEXT POST SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. 2 ;

75 starters. CW: blood mention, cussing, death. Starters come from various text posts floating around Tumblr. The only thing changed for this post was adding capitalization and punctuation. Feel free to change words and pronouns as needed! [PART 1]

“Academia is cool and sexy until I’m expected to work.”

“An anime with more than a hundred episodes is a bigger commitment than marriage.”

“Anyone who believes all water tastes the same is no acquaintance of mine.”

“Anyway, that’s every reported eyewitness account of Mothman through ‘68, and that’s just in West Virginia! Haha, but enough about me. Let’s hear about your top five cryptids!”

“Aside from being the worst person alive, I am literally perfect.”

“At the end of the day, I’m just a girl who loves her bed.”

“Being equally obsessed with each other sounds hot to me.”

“Being good doesn’t get you anything.”

“Be the worst you can be.”

“But do aliens believe in me?”

“Don’t let anyone dehumanize you. Dehumanize yourself. Be the creeping eldritch horror you’ve always longed to be. Rain furious vengeance down upon those who would unmake you.”

“Do something today that would’ve gotten you burnt at the stake four hundred years ago.”

“Do you ever just want someone to come over and sit on the floor with you for a few hours?”

“Do you ever wanna listen to music, but every song is just not the right song?

“Feeling safe around someone’s energy is a different kind of intimacy.”

“Flirting is childish. We’re grown. Just tell the person you like that you see God in their eyes.”

“Friendly reminder that the age of technology is coming to an end and a new age of blood magic and dark rituals will take its place.”

“Friendship is temporary. Blood pacts are forever.”

“Girls don’t want boys. Girls want to live in a Victorian estate and be the most feared widow in the village.”

“Half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other half of me is, well, an asshole.”

“Having a body causes me so much agony. I wish I was just a floating entity with no physical form.”

“How do I overthink so much and still make the wrong decision?”

““I can fix him!” You can’t even fix your sleep schedule, bestie.”

“I don’t care if your body is a temple. Call me when it’s been closed down and taken over by Spirit Halloween.”

“I don’t know about soulmates, but those people who eat parts of the food or candy that you don’t like and you do the same for them... We’ve lived a hundred lifetimes together, probably.”

“I don’t think we can romanticize our way out of this one, boys.”

“If you see me in the streets, just know that my mind is in the void. I’m physically alive, but mentally checked out.”

“I guess we all learned a valuable lesson. Except for me. I wasn’t paying attention and was asleep for most of the time.”

“I hate when people ask what I would do in their situation because nine times out of ten, I would literally never be in that situation in the first place.”

“I hope manners is the next cool trend.”

“I just love sleep so much. Like, you just close your eyes and you’re gone, bitch. Brain logged the fuck off. Powerful.”

“I just realized there’s, like, a hundred new Pokémon coming this year, give or take, and I have to decide what personal memories and details about friends to forget in order to make room for them all.”

“I like my women like I like my woods. Haunted and could kill me at any moment.”

“I like to fuck around and waste time at least six to ten hours a day, and let me tell you, that puts some pressure on your schedule. You have no idea how busy I am.”

“I love to learn. Unfortunately, my brain doesn’t like to remember.”

“I love when I ‘make a mental note’ of something. It’s gone within twenty seconds.”

“I’m not a religious person, but I do sometimes think God made you for me.”

“I’m not playing hard to get. I genuinely don’t know how to talk.”

“I’m wearing dark glasses today because I’m seeing the future, and the future is looking very bright.”

“I think it’s so neat that everyone develops their own unique handwriting even though we’re all taught to write our letters the same way. Really, it’s so cute.”

“I think making sense is optional. Sometimes I just be talking.”

“I think the meaning of life is eating good food in the company of people you love.”

“It’s because I’m pretty, that’s why I have problems.”

“It’s crazy how I’m just some person.”

"It seems you are in love with your computer.”

“It’s not rude to interrupt someone to point out a dog. It’s actually more polite because then they don’t miss out on the dog.”

“I will never elaborate because I have no idea what I just said.”

“Live, laugh, love? Nah. Languish, lament, lay down.”

“Michael Myers taught me a valuable life lesson. Don’t worry about how fast everyone around you is moving. If you’re determined, just move at your own pace and you’ll kill shit every time. Thanks, Mike.”

“Moving to the forest to eat leaves and lie in the dirt. Insurance companies can’t deny me this.”

“Okay, bored of being alone now. Ready to get married.”

“Okay, hear me out... What if—now bear with me—we held hands? Maybe even kiss a little? Hugs would be nice—”

“People keep posting ‘what’s REALLY in your food’ articles like I’m gonna stop eating whatever it’s about. Listen, death is coming. Death is coming. Pass me a hot dog.”

“People who fall asleep right away freak me out. Don’t you bitches have thoughts?”

“Really starting to understand old people these days. I love letters. Love packages. Terrified of my email inbox.”

“Someone take me out. Either in the assassination way or in the date way.”

“Sorry for being so sexy and having the best taste in literature. As if I asked for it.”

“Sorry I called you a fucking idiot. I was trying to flirt.”

“So what if I love you? Shut up.”

“The fact that I have to be in the ‘right headspace’ to do even the simplest tasks is absolutely humiliating.”

“The only difference between me and a medieval peasant is that I can make a Spotify playlist to express my feelings.”

“The only reason I haven’t gone insane is because I romanticize everything.”

“There should be a dating app where you talk to people who borrowed the same books from the library.”

“There’s something inherently holy about kitchens.”

“Tired of being a person. Would much rather be an unidentifiable and nebulous entity that lives in the woods and may or may not be an omen of misfortune to come.”

“Wanna haunt the neighborhood with me tonight?”

“Well, I used to be attracted to people, but now I’m exclusively attracted to abstract art and the concept of death.”

“What is the logic behind naps leaving you with a weird taste in your mouth? I wasn’t eating, I was sleeping. It’s the spiders, isn’t it?”

“Winnie the Pooh didn’t rock crop tops our whole childhood to watch us become unconfident about our bodies.”

“Yes, I’m dramatic! What did you expect? I read classic literature for fun.”

“You’d look prettier under six feet of dirt.”

“You don’t always need to talk. Like, it’s good to shut the fuck up sometimes. I love not talking.”

“You gotta walk into rooms like God sent you.”

“You’re beautiful, but you’re empty. No one could die for you.”

“You wanna know what’s annoying me right now? It’s me. I am annoying the goddamn shit out of myself.”

[ilkuee]

@wolfythewitch ‘s zombie au has me in a chokehold rn so i just had to write something

i’m aware i’m a bit late but zombie apocalypse aus are a special interest of mine and i like writing and i’m trying to improve so here goes nothing <3

-

Happiness is always hard to grasp, but when you find it, you know that you never want to lose it again.

The warmth of being genuinely happy was one of the first things Wilbur lost after Phil was bitten. He spent most days crying, apologizing over and over to the slowly rotting corpse that was his father. He never got a response. He never got a hug. He never got reassurance. He just received groaning, or a scratch on the arm from the zombified man. Occasionally, Wilbur would find himself content with that. The contact. It makes him feel like his father is still in there, somewhere, even though he knows that he probably isn’t anymore.

His own father didn’t feel like family anymore. “He's still in there. That’s still Phil.” was something that Wilbur found himself chanting in his head most days, and yet he still struggled to believe that it was true. Everything about Phil Craft had changed. Everything.

His normally alive, bright skin had paled into a dead, pasty gray. His warm blue eyes were replaced with pits of complete darkness that shot daggers into the back of Wilbur’s head. His gentle smile changed to a constant frown. His cheery voice had shifted into nothing but a low, raspy one. And his smell, the smell that had always allowed Wilbur to feel at home no matter where the pair was, had been erased entirely, covered with the scent of a rotting body. A dead person. His father’s corpse.

The teen drags Phil along everywhere with him. Countless people have tried to take him away, but he doesn’t let them. He puts a gun to their heads and tells them he will shoot if they don’t back away. It works, most days. Wilbur is only ever bluffing, but sometimes if the gun doesn’t work, he just takes off running, taking the corpse with him. All the two have ever done is run.

Perhaps it’s time to fight, but it’s hard to do so when you don’t have anything to fight for anymore.

The pair have been through so much together. He can’t let him go. Not now. Not ever. That’s his father. Infected or not, he is not letting him go. No matter what. He would let Phil bite him, if it came down to it, despite knowing that his father would never bite anyone not would he want Wilbur to allow himself to be bitten.

Sometimes, Wilbur talks to Phil. Forcing yourself into believing a lie is unhealthy, sure, but maybe, just maybe, if Wilbur pretends everything is normal for just a little while, life would go back to being how it was before. He tells him about his day. How he feels. What he ate. What he dreamt about the previous night. The topic of the one-sided conversations always varied, and Wilbur felt like he was just talking to a mannequin constantly, but he was fine with that.

The only thing that didn’t vary about the conversations, were the apologies, and the affection, and then the sobbing.

They always came in that exact order. Wilbur would apologize for letting Phil get bitten in his place, or for not being quick enough, or for not being smart enough, or for being so weak. And then he would tell him how much he loves and misses him, how he will always love him no matter what, how he wishes he could still talk so the pair could have a normal conversation, even if it’s just one, and it’s short. Hearing Phil’s voice again instead of constant groaning would be a blessing.

And then comes the sobbing. Wilbur saw his parents hide their tears from him a lot, and he grew up doing the same. He doesn’t like letting Phil see him cry, but he can’t help it anymore. He just lets the tears flow while his father sits there silent and motionless, staring.

Wilbur always ends up staring back into the dark abyss that is what is left of Phil’s eyes. He finds comfort in the darkness, funnily enough.

Though he would much rather a hug. Or reassurance. Or even a smile. He wants to go back to how everything was before the apocalypse, but he can’t, and he has come to terms with that. To an extent. He knows he can’t go back, but that doesn’t change that he wants to.

[likesunsetorange]

rereading dol (..again) and either i wasn’t paying too much attention before because of how sweet everything was, but the refs to the actual show have me in SHAMBLES. “see you later, eren.” and “you could cut the man’s head off, and he would still be head over heels for you.” i’m crying, they make me remember “oh hey wait this is actually what happened in aot..” i don’t know if it was intentional or not but these little details are so fun to notice :)

omg i can’t believe you’ve re read dol i’m assuming maybe multiple times?? 😭 thank you so much for reading!!! i’m happy you’ve enjoyed it enough to reread it multiple times that makes me so happy 🤍

BUT OMG YES THEYRE INTENTIONAL HAHA!!! you can imagine me sitting at my desk with my little laptop giggling and kicking my feet thinking i’m the funniest and smartest fucking person alive for these references 😭 i love putting in the little canon references!! since dol is obviously sooo different than canon since it’s an au, i try to honor little moments of the canon story when i can!! i thiiiiink there might be a few more? but the one that hitch says is probably my favorite, partially because i think dol hitch is just a bit odd but genuine with her reassurances, so it suits her to say that LOL but then it’s like “wait this is how this man fucking died and he was actually still in love with her” 😭

but i love the little details in dol they’re my favorite thing!! another little fun thing in dol too is some of the stories that mikasa or her friends reference, are actually just my real life stories, so their “lore” sometimes is just mine!! (i won’t say which ones tho LOL)

[lunar-wandering]

Shadowheart AU

If not obvious this is a Shadowpeach centric AU. It’s mainly a comedy but the way I’m gonna lay this out is gonna make it feel like an angst AU at first purely because it makes the punchline funnier that way.

Anyways, so;

Macaque just straight up doesn’t speak for the first half of this AU, aka, all of the canon show thus far. He covers his mouth with his scarf, and does mumble sometimes, but it’s too quiet for anyone to hear.

Wukong, knowing that the Macaque that he knew would absolutely never shut up, is under the impression that this one is an imposter, aka someone pretending to be his dead friend. Macaque can’t tell him that this is not the case, as he refuses to speak.

Macaque does have a method of communication though. He uses note cards.

Wukong, in episode 9: there's no way that's the real Macaque, the Macaque I know would've NOT shut up while doing all this awful stuff Macaque: (pauses in the middle of being about to throw an attack, digs through his pockets, pulls out a piece of paper and yeets it at Wukong's face) Wukong: gAH- Wukong, peeling off the paper and looking at it: .... -(The paper says "You're a dumbass")- Wukong: ....did you fucking have this prewritten??? -(another piece of paper smacks Wukong in the face- this one having ‘YES’ written on it)-

Macaque has a heart shaped clip on his scarf, Wukong has a heart shaped clip in his hair. (Pictures of the designs will be at the bottom of this post)

Macaque’s clip turns blue when Lady Bone Demon partially possesses him, and when he’s freed by the Samadhi fire it turns grey and breaks in half, causing his scarf to come loose from around his shoulders, so he has to cling to it to prevent it from falling.

Wukong's clip shatters when he's possessed. His hair, normally kept in a braid in this AU, also ends up loose. (He continues to wear it mostly loose afterwards). When he's freed, Macaque rebraids that tiny bit and takes out one half of his heart clip thingy, and uses it in replacement of the one Wukong lost. The half a heart in Wukong's hair turns purple and the one Macaque puts back on his scarf turns golden pink.

Wukong was too tired to protest the action in the moment/was lost in thought over the idea of his old friend being alive and decided to indulge in the illusion for a bit, and then later he just... can't seem to want to get rid of the heart clip. He stares at it like "this isn't from the real Macaque, it's from an imposter" but still just, has this part of him that so desperately wants to believe in the illusion so he just... leaves it.

Post Lady Bone Demon's defeat, Wukong begrudgingly lets Macaque hang around even though he's still under the impression that he's, yknow, not the real Macaque. Even so though, he did help out, and MK is weirdly deciding to let him hang around, so Wukong lets him stay.

Wukong finds out Macaque is the real Macaque after seeing him sitting on Flower Fruit Mountain with his glamours down, playing with the monkeys like he used to. He promptly leaves for like, 4 days to process this revelation.

He also kicks a tree half way across the mountain during this time.

Okay. Time to reveal the main plot point. The reason Macaque doesn’t talk. Drumroll please.

Macaque is cursed to end every sentence with “I love you”.

Obviously since this is Macaque and he wouldn’t want to be caught dead saying “I love you” in ANY context, he decided to just shut up entirely.

This of course leads to scenes earlier in the AU such as;

Wukong: how dare you. how dare you impersonate him. do you know how much he meant to me? He was my world. Macaque, under his breath: tch, says the one that killed me- I love you Wukong, genuinely didn’t hear: w h a t?? Macaque, too flustered to do anything else: (punches Wukong in the face)

What’s REALLY fun about this AU is that in this AU specifically. Wukong’s love language is words. So after Macaque’s curse get’s revealed they’re both just dying 24/7.

It’s hysterical really. Like;

Wukong: i swapped your coffee with decaf mint flavoured tea Macaque: i fucking hate you, i love you Wukong: getting mixed messages but i love you too-

And then there's twenty seconds of silence and then Macaque has his head on the kitchen counter and is clinging trying to use it to keep himself from fully melting into the shadows and Wukong is putting his hands over his face and quickly walking away because he said "i love you too" on IMPULSE.

Wukong is the LAST PERSON to find out about the curse by the way. Everyone else found out about it because Macaque slipped up and said “Thank you, I love you.” when someone handed him something, and although the others thought nothing of it at first, Macaque immediately tried to backpedal and stumble his way out of what he just said, and since he has to end every sentence with “I love you” he basically ends up outing himself.

The way Wukong does find out about the curse is something in and of itself though.

Y’see, Macaque wanted to apologize to Wukong. For obvious reasons. He'd already done so for the others through doing requested favours and stuff and writing apologies to them but he had NO IDEA how he should start trying to apologize to Wukong.

So he goes to Sandy for advice, and, well, as it happens, Wukong happened to be secretly chilling on top of one of the crates on Sandy’s boat when this occurred.

Macaque: ........how do i tell Wukong I'm sorry -I love you? Sandy: well telling him you're sorry will probably take a while, you've had a long history with him and theres a lot to make up for, starting with smaller actions and favours first might work. Now though, telling him you love him would take quite a bit longer- Macaque: thATS NOT WHAT I MEANT THAT WAS THE CURSE AND YOU KNOW IT- I LOVE YOU Sandy, patting Macaque on the head: mhm yep i love you too lil monkey

Wukong falls off the crate he was sitting on and down into the water, but neither Sandy nor Macaque notices.

Wukong tries to just ignore it at first. Macaque starts doing small chores and favours around Flower Fruit Mountain and Wukong tries his absolute best to pretend that this is normal.

Eventually this accumulates to Wukong forcing Macaque to verbally apologize to him on his doorstep, except this backfires horribly because hearing the first “I love you” being technically directed at him absolutely murders him on the spot. Macaque doesn’t even notice Wukong break over it because he himself gets so flustered after two sentences that he instinctively teleports away.

Them actually talking through their issues actually takes at least a week because they both keep getting distracted by Macaque’s curse and have to take hour long breaks after only a couple minutes of conversation.

There’s a couple more things other than that but I think I’ll stop this post here by saying that when they kiss each other they leave behind little heart shaped marks on each others faces.

Oh. One last thing actually.

Once they get back together, Wukong calls Macaque “his Shadowheart” in this AU.

Anyways here’s the low quality design notes I have for this AU.

[darkshadow90]

Norman Osborn & Daughter reader: He Loses His Temper in an Argument About Peter (Spider-Man 2002)

A/N: Hey guys. Yes, I’m still alive. I’m sorry I haven’t written a one shot in awhile. Things have been really hectic and I moved into my own place. I haven’t had much time to write, but I thought I would write this brief one shot. In this one shot, Norman and the reader get into an argument about her hanging out with Peter after being told that she (and Harry) aren’t allowed to. This is sometime after his Goblin transformation, where he’s fighting his darker half. If you read closely during the argument, the Goblin briefly comes out. Harry intervenes before things get too intense. Warnings: Norman loses his temper, the Goblin comes out and starts to become violent, but Harry intervenes. References to Norman being abused (not sure if it’s canon), ect. I hope you like it 🙂

You and Harry had just gotten back from visiting Peter. Ever since Norman’s odd behavior at Thanksgiving dinner, he told both of you that you weren’t allowed to see Peter. He said it was for your own safety. He said he didn’t know what would happen if you were out with him. It made no sense, but he genuinely seemed to be afraid that something might happen. Of course that didn’t stop the two of you from hanging out with Peter. You were about to go upstairs when the living room light turned on.

”And just where have you two been?” Neither of you said anything and you knew you’d been caught. “Well?” You still didn’t answer. “Were you seeing Peter after I told you not to?” Harry spoke up first. “Dad, Pete is our friend. Why is hanging out with him a problem now?” Norman took a deep breath. “I told you to stay away from him for your own safety.” “Dad, Peter isn’t dangerous. We’ve been friends with him since we were kids. You can’t expect us not to hang out with him just because there’s danger in the world.” You were a little more assertive than Harry. You usually had to stand your ground, so giving pushback to others wasn’t new to you, and giving pushback to your father was no exception.

Norman was trying very hard to keep it together. Fighting his darker half was becoming much more difficult. There they go again, Norman. You’ve asked them not to see Parker in an effort to protect them. They disobeyed you. They walk all over you. They cross you at every turn. It’s a problem that needs to be corrected. Don’t be a coward. Let me take over. Let me show them what happens when they don’t listen to your warnings. The Goblin cackled as Norman struggled internally. “Dad, we’re going to keep seeing Peter.” You said, once again being insistent. “No you won’t. I said you can’t see him anymore. It’s too dangerous, and that’s final!” You rolled your eyes. “He’s our friend, not yours. We’re not going to not see him just because you’re afraid something might happen! Come on, Harry.”

That was when Norman snapped. “Don’t you dare walk away from me! This conversation isn’t over!” For some reason, his voice was different. He didn’t sound like himself at all. He grabbed your arm from behind and pulled you back. His grip was so firm, it hurt. “Ow! What are you doing? Dad, stop! You’re hurting me!” His grip wasn’t loosening. Harry saw Norman’s other hand raise up. “Dad, no!” Harry rushed over and stopped Norman’s left hand from making contact with you. Norman snapped out of it and quickly let go of your arm. He seemed like he didn’t know what just happened. He saw you rubbing your arm, and was horrified. “Oh no, Y\N. Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t…” “Leave me alone!” You ran upstairs to your room and slammed the door shut.

Harry went over to Norman. “Dad, what just happened? What was that? You’ve never done that before. What’s going on? You haven’t been yourself lately. Is it stress at work?” Norman took a breath. “I don’t…I don’t know, son. I can’t believe I almost hit your sister. I would never lay a hand on either of you. I swore I wouldn’t! I need to talk to Y/N.” Harry nodded and went upstairs. Norman went upstairs to your room. He knocked on your door and opened it. “Hi, honey. Got a minute?” You shrugged. “It’s your house.”

Norman sat behind you on the bed and pulled you close to him. You tensed up. He could tell you were afraid and it felt like someone punched him in the gut. “We really need to talk about what happened. I lost my temper. It seemed like no matter what, I did, I still somewhat ended up turning into him. Your grandfather. Sometimes he would lose his temper and hit me. Sometimes for no reason.” “Grandpa hit you?” Norman nodded. “I swore I would never lay a hand on you or Harry and I almost…” Norman was struggling to keep it together. “Sometimes, I’m not myself. You can’t tell anyone about what I’m about to tell you, not even Harry.” “But why?” “Shhh. Just let me tell you, okay? One night at Oscorp, I tested an experimental formula on myself to keep receiving funding for projects. Since then, this other personality has been taking over and doing terrible things that I have no control or memory of. That’s why I wanted you and Harry to stay away from Peter. I noticed in the papers about the Green Goblin’s attack that Peter was there. I’m worried if you hang out with Peter, the Goblin will attack both of you. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”

You swallowed thickly. “So you’re saying it wasn’t you lashing out and squeezing my arm? It was the other personality?” “Yes. That’s why I need you and Harry to stay put until I come up with a cure, okay honey?” Norman cupped your face and kissed your forehead. “I’ll be back soon, I promise.” He left in a hurry. You were more scared for him than angry now, but the sooner he got rid of the Green Goblin, the better.

[jenyifer]

Dead Friend Forever ep 8 initial reaction

Omg everyone I’ve caught up!!!!! I’m gonna get to watch the behind the scenes and first eps again woooooooooooo. Thought this ep would have more answers honestly but I got some big new questions

Let’s get into it

But hey he told someone before he died hopefully something can come of that. Once again we know Tee’s uncle gets caught.

Okay so Non’s crying scenes where he’s wearing the bracelet really killed me. Poor baby. So lost and scared no where to go until he mentally snaps. We don’t know exactly what mental disorder he struggles with. I assume it’s bipolar or schizophrenia. It’s sad but I’ve know people who struggled with both. Going off their medication lead to really dangerous places and ways of thinking. I don’t blame non for going to extremes here. Ugh his scream up the stairs really is going to torture me

Tee does at least extremely regrets what he does to Non. I really don’t think he wanted Non dead or in this much trouble but besides non he’s the one most in over his head. He’s also in an impossible situation. No escape his dad is sick and his uncle is an evil bastard who barely takes care of him.

God I hate Por he is really despicable. He’s so realistic though the bully with too much money for his ‘friends’ to speak up. Por has 0 empathy for anyone has little concept of others even his ‘friends’ when Top gets attacked you know you didn’t care? Por.

Oh Non. They did bully and torture you. Non was too good too desperate to make friends to even have one like Jin. He genuinely was doing most of it for Jin. Just to have one friend. So painful. Bullies don’t care what could be going on in your life. I think it’s part of having their brains under developed because later in life they may apologize. I was really bullied in school and when I go home which is 16 hours ago via car sometimes I’ll run into my bullies and they’ll act like we were friends. Or they’ll try to contact me online etc. I think they learn what it means to be bullied later in life or (this actually happened) they have a kid that has ADHD and likes anime and other interests I had and they realize that as a school kid they would have bullied and tortured their own child. So to make up for it they want to talk to me again. Non shouldn’t have gone to that house. He should have just pretended like they were already dead. Change schools. But… if he’s off his medication he can’t be held accountable for his actions here. He’s already obsessed with his story pre everything breaking down. Gahhh I feel so bad for him.

Is this the last time we see Non? He could still be alive I doubt it though. I can’t believe Jin thinks he’s better than the rest of them. Jin and Fluke should have stopped them. I realize that maybe they didn’t understand the depths of trouble Tee is in. Maybe they didn’t compute the graviety of the situation. Non told them Tee had him do the horse account. But it’s worse than that. I’m sure with time Jin at least can put together the extent of trouble Non was in and know he’s been killed.

Tee does try multiple times at his own risk to try to find out what happened to non which is something. It’s possible his relationship with White is an idealized penance for what he did to Non. White is also innocent looking and sweet like Non really was.

Phee’s dad is in an impossible situations the bad guys have proven they are willing to kill and completely cover it up with money. I don’t blame him for backing off to protect his child.

Gahhhhhjj I hate Por so much. Idk why he acted so upset about Non at the beginning of the series. If anything the one who seemed least upset about Non was Jin. But Jin broke the camel’s back and lead Non into the lions den again and again.

Come on Phee let’s get those bitches.

So Tan I’m 100% sure he is New. You can change your nickname.

What I don’t know is

1. Why would Top do anything to Por? Top delivered Non with Tee. Top knew about the accounts. Top doesn’t seem involved heavily else where so… idk

2. Where and who is White? Did he really not know anything is he related to the teacher maybe? Cause we know the teacher is dead. I doubt it though.

3. Does Phee have any feelings for Jin? I doubt it.

[imfrom-neptune]

Rambly brain dump

I’m probably venting actually idk

Maybe don’t read this I just need to put it somewhere

I don’t think I realized that all the shit that happened just genuinely wasn’t as funny as I thought it was

Like it was happening and I was like “lmao my dad broke in a window tryna get into my house”. But let’s be real. My dad broke in a window tryna get into my house. What?? That happened to me? I was supposed to go to a concert that night. I missed it because I was helping to clean up glass and keep my siblings entertained. My dad broke a window.

I freak out when cars pass by my window and get nervous when people knock in the door cause it reminds me of the night my dad had cops shine lights through our windows at 4am trying to see if we were home. And the stupidest thing is no, my mom wasn’t home. I was alone and I had to be brave and deal with that by myself. Because she stayed out with her boyfriend and was too much of a coward to come back and keep me safe.

I stayed up until 5am packing up and moving and leaving my entire life behind. I live in a little house with a tiny pull out bed and a toy box as a bedside table. I packed my shit up while my mom was throwing away my things and yelling at me for not being able to carry things that were too heavy. I still packed my things and I still ended up in this sad little house and I still left my safe place and I can’t ever go back. That home belongs to someone else. That place isn’t mine anymore.

And this doesn’t even only apply to things that happened during the divorce.

I had to have been like six at most, and my mom had my mouth tapped shut while I cried in a corner.

I’ve been locked out on my front porch at least three times. I was maybe 12.

My mom has been throwing out my things for years. It started with toys when I “misbehaved”, and now it’s things that actually matter to me. She broke into my fucking locker thing just to get into my personal stuff and throw it all away. And then she had the nerve to deny it. She threw away my art because she didn’t like it. She took away the apps I needed to make YouTube videos because she didn’t like them. Everything I’ve ever told her I liked, she’s always found a way to ruin.

When my parents found out I was queer they yelled at me about it for hours. Punished me for it. Told me I could tell anyone I wanted but no one would ever believe me. And y’know what? I told my Opa and he believed me. They’re probably half the reason I was so scared to tell him. But guess fucking what? They were wrong. And now they want me to believe they’re soooo supportive? Fuck that.

In 7th grade I was (for lack of a nicer way to say it-) very suicidal and I struggled slightly with hurting myself. Ofc I didn’t hurt myself in a way that mattered, I don’t even have scars anymore, but regardless. They found out about this, and punished me for that too. I literally wanted to be dead, thought I deserved it, and they grounded me for it. Didn’t help me at all. Just made me feel worse about it. I got myself clean and I made myself want to be alive again. They didn’t do anything for me.

I’ve been hit for things I shouldn’t have been. Sometimes I made the mistake of fighting back. I haven’t been hit since the divorce, cause y’know, they want me to like them. But I used to be hit all the time and I’m now realizing how scary that really is.

I’ve been threatened to have cops called on me. I’ve been threatened to be abandoned. I’ve been threatened to be killed.

I’ve been told straight up that my mother regrets me. Which is the funniest (or, maybe not funniest?) thing because I was literally unplanned. Though my mom refuses to admit it, I did the math, and my dad told me. We all know.

And I guess I just find it easier to play it like a joke. But it’s sorta hit me over the past two weeks that it actually affected me and I actually have problems because of it. It’s not funny. I may have had a childhood full of toys but I also had yelling outside my door at late night hours.

And I just played it as a joke because I didn’t know what else to do. Now it’s too late to be upset about it. It’s all happened and now I’ve gotta grow up and pretend it didn’t. I didn’t get the good parents. And I can’t do anything about it.

and it’s so scary cause if they can fake 20 years of love, what does that say about me? I’m both of them in one. I’m every bad thing they’ve done, put together. I’m a result of those mistakes. Am I designed to be as bad as they are? Cause I desperately want to be nothing like them.

I wish none of this ever happened to me. I remember too much and at the same find half of my memory is blank. I don’t know why I deserved this, and it makes it so hard to believe I didn’t. Why would such bad things happen to me if I didn’t deserve it? I did it all by myself for what reason?

[proteovaldez]

Do you ever just feel guilty for existing? Like not in the I’m oppressed and they make me feel hated, but in the I’m oppressed but I don’t do anything.

I was so active about activism and politics when I was younger. Like sure I’m not that old now, but I did so much protesting and understood it as a kid. At a point I just stopped cause I was tired. I was tired living everyday as success story.

I was raised that I had to be the exception and make sure I was the few who were given those advantages so I can help others down the line with the power I’d have. Every day I was genuinely set up for success. Like I was part of youth groups, I was up to date on current affairs and working hard on being the smartest in the room. That way no matter what was said about me they couldn’t say I was unintelligent or uneducated.

Just one day though I just stopped wanting to be the one who had to fix things and be the big mover. It’s frustrating cause I genuinely have those skills and I know I can as I used to when I was way younger due to the support I had from my parents. I decided I just wanted to live, like just be myself and not aim for some greater thing. I wanted to have a life in a secluded place and be a nice retreat for youth who needed a place to rest. Just to rest and know there’s a meal on the table.

I just feel guilty for choosing myself and keeping my head down. I intentionally keep my head down because I want to be able to have a future to do small good. Yes, I know it’s counter productive cause if I keep my head down I’m just helping the system by not making a huge deal and doing all I can to fix it now.

Just there are still gay people who are listed as sex offenders for the bigoted laws we had in America. There are numerous dead gay bodies whose names will forever be associated with being sex offenders. There are people even now who have a criminal record purely because they were protesting or wrong place at the wrong time. Some people who never get their criminal record fully checked for what their crimes were that are denied things cause of their record. The fact that there are convicts who can’t even fucking live outside of jail cause of their past even for minor offenses is beyond scary.

So yeah, I feel guilty for choosing to abide by the system, so that I won’t be targeted more than I am. Yes, I know that will make me a bystander to many things, but at least I’m a bystander that’s still fucking alive and allowed to have a small amount of success in the future. It’s a small thing, but sometimes you grow tired and burned out.

Like I grew up genuinely knowing about what was happening in Afghanistan and the crimes that were committed. I was in elementary and I was already aware of the evils of humanity and that there were men walking free for the fucking horrid acts they did to prisoners. I knew about people deliberately lying about credentials to get shipped overseas to make money and were the reason for so much death. I’ve known about this shit since I was six. Having that much understanding about the world and being told that I’d be the one to maybe fix it one day. Like my parents genuinely believed that I would be a person with high authority and a strong enough presence to fix things. I knew about the multiple genocides happening in Iraq when it was happening and knew the real reasons why we were on the right side politically. Sure some of the government officials probably genuinely wanted to stop it and help, but a good portion of the reason was so we’d have access to their oil. Yeah, fucking oil. Also to cover our asses from 9/11 and stupid religious ideals. It doesn’t matter what your religion is, but if you use it to support the destruction, oppression and death of another group of people then you’re in the wrong. Before you argue, yes I think we should hypothetically kill all nazis and those who support them even now. But I’m aware that makes me evil and incorrect morally. It is that black and white. I am in the wrong for wanting that, because I want a group of people condemned.

Ugh I got off track and started rambling. Just, you know? The world can be that black and white and most of us, actually all of us are in the black for our contribution to the systems that uphold these things or because we do nothing to stop them. But, that’s not the point to have moral superiority, the point should be cause you have fucking empathy and compassion for people suffering.

So, yeah I’m just here moping about my place in the world cause I’m tired and want a small future with little wins and do small good. And I don’t want to dedicate my life to big good anymore cause I’m fucking exhausted. So feel free to make fun of me or whatever, but for those that are also tired and feel so guilty for it. I get it, I understand that it’s hard to keep wanting to do big good after dealing with so many ginormous problems and horrible things in the world. I understand that you’re tired and just want to keep your fucking head down so you can live another day, to just survive. I’m here telling you that you’re not alone in that unbearable guilt that weighs on you for not participating like you should. I don’t know how to fix that or what to motivate you to do more. Just know that I’m happy you’ve chosen to at least still survive. It’s hard to just do that.

I do admire those that commit their everyday to raise awareness and move on from one purpose to another. I admire those that are even just helping cause they want moral superiority or to be popular. Cause they are still doing more than I am. I don’t care what your reason is to do what’s right, I’m just impressed you continue to do it even if it’s because you’re joining a bandwagon late. You’re there at least. I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore. Guess we can just write this off as a weird diary entry?

[fandomficsnstuff]

Wolves And Hounds-5

(Warnings: Angst, angst and more angst. It’s not a happy chapter, sorry<3)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Karliah was silent as she was led to the room, walking inside on unsteady feet, especially when she saw him lying there, wrapped up in bandages, sweaty and pale, covered in blood. “Kal” his voice was faint and weak, but she heard him all the same, approaching hesitantly as tears formed in her eyes “Your Grace” she muttered as she sat at his bedside, making him scoff “enough of that” he murmured before wincing at the pain he felt. “Have you had milk of the poppy? You shouldn’t be in pain, Robert-”

“Pain is what reminds us we’re alive, Kal, though it won’t be long before I won’t be” he murmured and she shook her head “don’t say that… please, don’t say tha-”

“The Targaryen girl, you were right. You were right, and I couldn’t see it. Both of you were right… you were the only ones to stand up to me… I’ve asked Ned, if it’s not too late, to let the girl and her babe live” Robert croaked out and she smiled through the tears in her eyes “Lyanna would be proud” she whispered, leaning closer and he gave her a weak smile “you remind me so much of her…” he managed to murmur and she smiled “it makes sense, since we’re family” she joked and Robert laughed that deep, genuine laugh of his until he had to stop because of the pain it caused him to feel in his gut. “I’ve arranged for everything, Ned’s written down everything… I just wanted to say goodbye to his little sister” he murmured and Karliah smiled weakly “you’ve been like a brother to me, Robert” she admitted weakly, Robert giving her a weak smile “I know, which is why I ask that you stay with Ned, help him, the Gods know you’re smarter than both of us” he joked lightly and Karliah laughed briefly, nodding as tears ran down her cheeks, letting out a shaky breath. “Robert, you’re dying…” she trailed off and he scoffed “why would you think that?” he joked but she didn’t laugh, making him frown. “If-... if I could ask a final favor from you… would you give it to me?... All I ask is that you listen as I confess…”

“A dead man can’t pass secrets” he murmured and Karliah hesitantly nodded, making him nod as well and she took a heavy breath, looking down. “There was a man… I-... I loved him, I think… nothing ever happened between us except kisses but-... I knew if anyone got word of it, they wouldn’t believe that’s where it stopped and I-... he was killed, some days ago… by Jaime Lannister… I’ve told no one of what Jory and I had, not even my brother… no one knows and I feel like I’d suffocate if I can’t tell anyone… I loved Jory… at least, I think I did… now that he’s gone, I’m not so sure… I was comforted by someone else, a hug, that’s all it was, but it made me feel less alone…” she admitted, daring to look up at Robert who nodded ever so slightly, looking away as he sighed “I’ve never been one to converse with on the matters of the heart, Karliah” he pointed out and she nodded “I know…” she whispered hesitantly. Robert studied her before sighing “I never got to have a life with Lyanna…” he admitted softly. He’d always been softer with her, more genuine and less joking, more open… he could still be coarse and rough, but when the time called for it, sentimentality came easier to him when it was her.

“I’d burn the Seven Kingdoms down to see her again… I can’t even remember her face, that’s the worst of it… just that you remind me of her” he admitted quietly with utter despair and Karliah sighed, wiping away some of her tears “she had dark brown hair, like me… her eyes were a light gray, almost like steel… she used to braid the top of her hair in a few braids, sometimes four, sometimes two, it reached past her shoulders… She was a little taller than me, her voice was a little lighter than mine… her face wasn’t as long as mine and she had cheekbones that I’ve always been envious of… she had a smile that could just-... light up the sky… she wasn’t particularly involved with the Gods, old or new… she had a scar on her thigh from a sparring match we had, it was the first match I won over her… in return she gave me a scar on the inside of my left ankle” Karliah admitted with teary eyes and a smile, looking down at a smiling Robert “she looked beautiful in blue and gray… it made her eyes stand out even more. She was pale but not in a sickly way… she was used to the cold… I’ve always imagined it was her warm heart that kept her from freezing, no matter how cold the North seemed to get. She loved the blue winter roses, she found them beautiful and enchanting, they were her favorite” Karliah added softly, Robert smiling at her with tears in his eyes “thank you” he whispered weakly, reaching for her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze and she nodded, wiping away her tears with her free hand.

“If there truly is an afterlife… promise me you’ll tell her I miss her?... Tell her I visited the Wall and it was as beautiful as we both thought it’d be… tell her that I’ll never forget the first time I fell off of a horse while trying to shoot a bow, the memory always made her laugh… tell her I love her… that I sometimes feel lost without her… promise me, Robert… promise me you’ll tell her?” Karliah begged, voice wavering, lower lip trembling as Robert squeezed her hand “I will, I promise…”

“Everyone I love appears to be dying around me… my brother Brandon, father, mother, Lyanna, Jory and now you” she whispered quietly, Robert giving her a weak but genuine smile “none of us can live forever…” he stated and she nodded, wiping away her tears before sighing, looking at him with a faint smile “at least you killed the bastard boar” she muttered jokingly and Robert chuckled with amusement, despite the pain it must have caused him “make sure everyone gets a taste of it” he ordered and she chuckled, nodding “I will” she whispered, sighing softly as she leaned down and kissed his sweaty forehead. “Go, I won’t have you watch me die” Robert ordered softly and Karliah nodded, standing up after giving his hand another squeeze, leaving the room as she wiped away her tears.

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Karliah ran as fast as she could down the hallway, her footsteps echoing on the stone as she finally saw them “Sansa! Modena!” she called out, taking in the look of horror on Sansa’s face and Modena said something that urged her to run to her aunt, which she did, quickly. “Modena-”

“Go” she yelled, Karliah sighing before grabbing Sansa and running off with her “I’ll take you to your room, bar it off. I’ll go look for your sister afterwards, do not open your door for anyone you don’t know. Don’t open it for anyone but me, do you understand? Not the Hound, not the guards, not the Queen, not Joffrey, no one but me, do you understand?” she asked quickly, stopping and turning to Sansa who nodded weakly, Karliah putting her hands on Sansa’s shoulders “Sansa, do you understand?!”

“Y-Yes!”

“Good girl, come on” Karliah whispered, kissing Sansa’s head before continuing to run with her. Just as they ran around the corner, near Sansa’s room, Karliah stopped, grabbing Sansa and putting her a little behind her as they both saw the Hound at the other end of the small hallway, Karliah keeping a tight grip on her niece’s arm, shielding her with her body. “Don’t-”

“Step aside-”

“Over my dead body” Karliah hissed, Sansa on the verge of tears “no! Just, stay away from us… I-I’ll tell my father… I’ll tell the Queen!”

“Who do you think sent me?” Sandor asked through a chuckle as he advanced on them, Karliah slowly backing up with Sansa behind her. “Lay a hand on her, and I’ll cut it off.”

“Do you really think you can threaten me, girl-”

“It’s not a threat, it’s a promise, and I’m not some ‘girl’! I’m a Stark of Winterfell, not one of your common whores. Now, if you’re taking my niece, you’re taking me as well because I’d have to be long dead and buried for you to lay a hand on her” Karliah stated defiantly, staring down the Hound, Sansa looking between the two with worry but eventually the Hound merely sidestepped, Karliah releasing a shaky sigh of relief before nodding to herself, looking over her shoulder at Sansa “it’s alright” she whispered, gently leading her to follow Sandor.

As they arrived outside of a door, Karliah was stopped from entering, her eyes wide as she stared at Sandor who blocked her way “if my niece is going through that door, then so am I” she stated defiantly, trying to enter once more when Sandor grabbed her arm to stop her, causing her to back up and rip her arm out of his grip “don’t you dare lay a hand on me!” she snapped, placing Sansa behind her “do that again, and I’ll kill you” she stated calmly yet with a growl. All the fight left her when Sansa stepped out from behind her “i-it’s okay, I-I know the Queen won’t hurt me” she stated sweetly, still horrified, and Karliah sighed softly, cupping her cheek, wanting to call her naive but she didn’t, instead she sighed and nodded “It’s alright, Sansa” Karliah whispered, kissing the top of her head softly “remember our words?” she asked in a whisper and Sansa nodded, making Karliah nod as well “good girl… I’m out here…” she whispered, Sansa being led into the chambers and Karliah turned her eyes to Sandor, glaring daggers at him before looking away “is my brother dead?”

“No, he’s in the cells-”

“The Black Cells?! People have died of thirst there!! Why is he in the cells?!”

“Treason-”

“Against who?! My brother loved King Robert, as did I!”

“King Joffrey” Sandor stated in a hiss and she frowned, at first wondering why he was keeping his voice lower than hers, until she realized. She swallowed the lump in her throat before sighing, shaking her head a little “my brother would never betray Robert’s memory by betraying his son…”

“I’m not here for the politics” Sandor grunted in a bored voice and Karliah scoffed “and you think I am? I will die before I let anything happen to my brother’s children. All of them.”

“Even the bastard?”

“Even the bastard” she replied quickly, yet she looked away from him, her breath a little heavier as she tried to keep face but Sandor knew. He could see it on her. She was lying. Not about loving her nieces and nephews, that much was true, even he knew one couldn’t fake that kind of love, but she was lying about something else…

Before he could say anything further, the door opened and Karliah spun around, seeing a defeated Sansa, her head low and Karliah instantly pulled her into her arms, kissing the top of her head as Sansa hesitantly hugged her back. “The Queen wants to speak with you” Sansa stated in a wavering voice and Karliah frowned, giving Sansa’s shoulder a squeeze as she looked between her niece and the open door, she could see the Queen inside. “Please, allow me to escort my niece back to her quarters, if not, then please, allow her to stay with me…”

“She may wait outside.”

“Your Grace-” Karliah cut herself off when Sansa parted from her “it’s okay…” she muttered, glancing nervously at the Hound and Karliah sighed “wait for me here, do not go with anyone, do you understand? Scream and kick if you have to, manners be damned” she whispered so only Sansa could hear her, the young girl nodding and Karliah nodded, kissing the top of her head before entering the Queen’s quarters, approaching, flinching a little when the door was slammed shut behind her. “Your Grace” Karliah greeted, walking over and sitting down when Cersei gestured for her to do so. “Lady Stark, your brother has been arrested on the charges of treason…”

“So I hear, Your Grace” Karliah kept as flat a tone as possible, Cersei studying her before leaning a little closer “what had your brother told you of his treason?”

“Nothing, Your Grace. It’s why it surprises me to hear that he’s received these charges at all…”

“I see… you must write to your sister-in-law, Catelyn. She should hear the news of her husband’s arrest from you first.”

“Your Grace, I-”

“I’ve had your niece write a letter as well, to her eldest brother, Robb, but yours will be sent to Lady Catelyn. I urge you to tell her to keep the King’s peace. Urge her son to do his duty to the realm and the north and keep the peace.”

“May I ask, please, what happened? My brother committing treason is-... is as unbelievable to me as dragons coming back to life. Please, Your Grace… What are the specific charges?”

“He attempted to seize my son’s throne for himself.”

“While the late King Robert’s corpse was still warm!” Pycelle added with outrage, Karliah’s heart beating rapidly in her chest and she hesitated before sighing, closing her eyes briefly before opening them again. “I heard nothing of this, I swear it, Your Grace. Neither did any of my nieces, they are as innocent as your son in this-”

“Still, I cannot allow a traitor’s daughter to marry my son, she would be an unfit consort to our King” Cersei’s words internally made Karliah jump with joy. Until she realized. If Sansa were no longer to marry Joffrey… then what safety did she truly have in this horrible, dangerous place they had come to?

Karliah swallowed thickly at the thought, sighing heavily before preparing to degrade and humiliate herself, for her family’s sake “please, Your Grace, my niece is a good child, please, Your Grace… she loves your son! She only wishes to be a good queen, a queen like you, she aspires to be like you, and carry your son many children and heirs… it’s all she wants” Karliah begged softly, a frown on her face as she stared at the queen, praying to the old gods and the new that she was convincing enough. “She will hatch no treason, she will plan nothing, I will make sure of it, Your Grace… she loves your son, truly and deeply. I will be there to make sure that nothing happens, I promise, she will never ever betray him” Karliah added in a begging tone, tears forming in her eyes at the thought of her oldest niece… cold and dead in the ground because she had no further use should her engagement to the new king be broken off.

Cersei studied her before carefully placing a roll of paper in front of her, then a quill and some ink “please, write to your sister-in-law” she asked softly and Karliah nodded, picking up the quill, her hand shaking a little but she willed it to stop, moving the quill to the ink pot and dipping it before looking back up at the Queen “what do you want me to write?” she asked through gritted teeth, the question like poison in her mouth, venom on her lips, slowly sucking the life out of her as the Queen smirked subtly in victory.

[manyminded]

disabled as in

fuck you

as in

I’m trying

as in

there is no amount of evil one can do to deserve what my body does naturally

as in

I am whole, not in spite of this, but maybe because of it

as in

sometimes I feel guilty for wanting a cure

as in

the one elevator in my school is so far away from all my classes (and it barely works, too)

as in

I’m suffering

as in

I’m tired. So, so tired

as in

I’m done with being sorry for my symptoms

as in

maybe i don’t wanna be not sorry for just a moment, because unlearning is so taxing

as in

i feel like I’m being stabbed by a thousand knifes every waking moment

as in

hating every gym teacher on principal

as in

trying to swallow too many pills at once

as in

everything is just another side effect

as in

my bed is my best friend

as in

the internet is the only way I can truly be free

as in

distraction is the best medicine

as in

I’m suffering

as in

crying like a baby because something is so fundamentally wrong but I don’t know what it is or how to fix it and crying is all I have left

as in

every step feels like my foot is trying to rip itself apart muscle by muscle

as in

i hate doctors on principle

as in

too many passes to the nurse

as in

i can’t wait for a 504 plan to be set in place

as in

i don’t deserve to be punished for my symptoms

as in

disabled isn’t a dirty word

as in

i am not lesser

as in

just because I seem energetic, or happy, or anything really, does not mean I am magically okay again

as in

I’m tired of masking

as in

why should I accommodate for the world, shouldn’t it accommodate for me

as in

being surprised that others in my community are suffering more than i am but yet are still alive

as in

I’m tired of the wheelchair symbol because my disability isn’t visible, and it hurts that that’s all I am represented as

as in

the wheelchair symbol is still so fundamentally important to my community

as in

my friend, gently passing me a 3d printed infinity cube when he noticed I was stressed

as in

i am not a sick cowering puppy, I am just as alive and complex as you

as in

sometimes I am that puppy

as in

asking my teacher to turn off the lights, watching as she says it’s for her own migraine

as in

feeling grateful for all the little and big things people do to try and help

as in

my needs are different each day

as in

sometimes different people have conflicting accessibility needs

as in

laying > sitting > standing

as in

knowing that if someone felt what I did they’d go to the ER immediately, when I have to go to school

as in

I cannot predict a flare up

as in

i leave school early some days

as in

reading about the deaf community for asl class, and being genuinely hurt that they consider it “a different way of life” instead of just a “disability”.

as in

being in asl class, at all

as in

offering to help organize the ‘chill room’ in the student services hallway because I’m one of the kids who will use it most

as in

i want this to all be over with, I wanna be done

as in

i am proud of my disability, i take pride in it

as in

music is my best grounding technique, at least for me

as in

there is so much variety in our community

as in

my whole life is centered around disability, it affects everything

as in

i am so much more than just disabled

as in

i am not lesser

as in

“differently abled” is bullshit

as in

a doctor online saying adhd is just learned coping mechanisms, and my mom believing it

as in

me saying that it was utter bullshit, and she realized I was right

as in

my mom’s disabled too

as in

conversion disorder copies other’s symptoms, stuff that the victim knows

as in

a lot of my symptoms are like my mom’s

as in

my mom is the strongest person I know

as in

disabled isn’t a dirty word

as in

all of this, and more

as in

fuck you.