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merao-mariposa · 6 months

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In this ship I only know two things (and one is you)

Alternative title: A typical meeting with the space headquarters, me and my platonic-alien husband

This au is not mine, it is from: @rainbowchaox (In the original post said tag to give credit. So I hope you don't mind for tagging u!)

Fair warning; this is long, sorry for any mistakes this is not my first language

(...)

The computer made a soft noise when it turned on, there were about 20 minutes left before the meeting where multiple terrestrial researchers would update about the findings of the planets in one same sector.

These meetings were annual and generally occupied one field researcher per planet.

This year Missa was one of these, but not the only one.

That helped relax the pressure on his shoulders. Running a hand delicately through his hair Missa was aware of two things.

One; He hadn't cut his hair since the last time he slept in the habitable building.

And two; His left arm was still not fully healed since his last exploration accident.

It had been a simple thing, his boat had collided with a submerged mineral formation which caused him to hit the railing and fall into the water. Fortunately, certain leaves cut from the planet had quite appropriate properties to close some minimal capillaries through stimulating them.

Kissing it better also worked (Missa was joking, he swears he did)

The urgent coos sounded worried to which Missa said he only choked a little, almost nothing, but I didn't seem to calm Phil down much. Now under his lab coat was the makeshift bandage surrounding his left bicep.

Missa's eyes lingered on one of the computer's loading screens, two dots for eyes, one for nose, a taut line creating a happy face. It was the logo of the Galactic Federation, a regulatory entity that, in the midst of so many companies that sought to register the outer galaxies, sought to delimit what they could and could not do.

His company (Quesadilla Space Research Center) was not an exception, so he knew they would have at least one Federation agent.

Missa was not afraid of speaking in public, but the idea of facing a federal agent struck him because they had a terrible reputation due to accusations of being “a tyrannical force.”

He waited a few minutes, settling uncomfortably in his chair, which had been too long since they had sat in it, when the opposite camera turned on and the red light on his holographic screen appeared.

For the first time in 10 Earthling months, another voice that was not prerecorded or the mellifluous tone of Missa, did resonated particularly loudly in the compact building.

-“Hello Misaaa how are you??”

-“Quackity? Que?!"

-“Hello researcher Sinfonia”

ElQ says just after his brother's effusive entrance and Missa quickly passed his eyes between the two identical faces that greeted him on the screen.

The twins had basically grown up in the Quesadilla facility. Quackity was one of Missa's mission supervisors while ElQ worked as an administrator for the department where Missa worked.

In simpler words he was in front of two of his bosses right now and he was stunned to see them, which led Quackity to a fit of laughter.

-“What are you laughing at, pendejo?!” Missa shouted

-“Your face- your face looks like one of those fucking catfish from planet M213 like that”

The most talkative twin, proceeded to do an imitation with his mouth as open as possible and Missa saw his opportunity.

-“This is how your face looks like whe you see Luzu!”

The comment earned a chuckle from ElQ so Missa considered it a victory regardless of how Quackity made a comically offended gasp before launching into insults.

-“Researcher Sinfonia”

Like someone interrupting two children fighting, Missa quickly moved away from the monitor because when the screams started he had leaned over the writing panel for more impact.

-"Yes sir?"

-“I assume you know why contact was initiated from the crew on Earth before the update meeting, right?”

-“…wasn't it because you guys missed me rigth?”

-"What?"

-"El para que cosa de que?"

-“... Ok. I guess you don't know, as this will be your first meeting at this level, we thought it would be appropriate to give you some warnings regarding the meeting participants."

Missa never considered himself the smartest of the investigaion crew at all, but he wasn't stupid (he was a research scientist for God's sake) he knew what they meant.

-"The Quesadilla station" ElQ proceeded. "Is an Earth station, which is well know, but it also has agreements, living assets and work centers even outside the Milky Way that need to be regulated and monitored by an external entity that avoids conflicts of interest".

Quackity interrupted his brother's speech like someone who already knows it too well

-"In short, there will be outgoing beings of other species in the same position as you and there will be person, a federal, supervising the meeting."

He soured a little at the name and ElQ tensed as if he were punched by that name.

-“But the most important”

-“You must obey Cucurucho” / “Be careful with Cucurucho”

The twins looked at each other in surprise, again in perfect coordination. It was always intimidating to see the twins talking or moving at the same time, a feeling of inherent discomfort.

And speaking of discomfort and intimidation, when the meeting had finally started Missa realized that his chair was stinging his back, but it was too late to stop as the supervisor sent by the Federation seemed to pin him to his chair with just their blank stare lacking off all emotion.

The Quackitys stood one on each side and stared absently at the camera as if they weren't happy to give up their seat to… whatever the feds were.

If Missa were more paranoid he would think that the subject with features of both humanoid and bear looked like a dictator of the kind that space had not seen since wilder times. But that was exaggerated.

No?

As it were, the default screen was the one that connected with the crew at home and it changed whoever was presenting their findings in the habitable areas of the sector to be explored.

Planets and moons above all, but of course Etoiles, a kind of organic being similar to a pickle, had to explore near a possible black hole.

The photos were hilarious because he could be seen in the full suit making the human peace sign.

That made him laugh the most (internally, of course he did not dare to laugh out loud with the presence of the federal officer there). One by one the researchers went by to present their findings and Missa noticed that the majority were indeed human with some hybridized.

Until finally it was the turn of the planet Vita Vitaris, which was more or less 150,000,000 km away from the nearest sun, but it was known for sure that those distance was more between this and other planets. A a lonely planet.

When Missa began to speak, he immediately realized that he was doing well, he soon shared the screen and turned off his microphone, letting the computer read the results (which took a huge weight off his shoulders because he now knew without a doubt that the transmission to earth would only see his results and not him)

Missa, taking advantage of the data count made by the robotic voice, let out a deep yawn, he couldn't sleep in a seat as uncomfortable as that, but he was so tired, and he should check the bruise, and his brain which was still excited by the new information also had too much to process.

The cloud of sleep above him suddenly vanished as he heard a weird noise.

It sounded like a sharp thump, something falling, but nothing should fall because everything was controlled by machines, human error hardly existed. Missa's eyes were fixed in the darkness searching and regretting for not requesting to turn on the lights as it got dark, Missa shifted uncomfortably, suddenly he felt observed, he gave a sideways glance at the holographic camera but but was still off, his body keep itching and the robotic voice continued citing possible PH compatible with some form that now he could not care less about.

Like a prey about to be hunted by a predator, the muscles under his lab coat prepare to run, his conscious brain sought to give himself security despite just tripping over himself; There is no way that something could have gotten in, it was impossible for something to cross the defenses of the compact laboratory without activating an alarm so, logically, it was an i-internal failure No, no, there is not a damm way for the station to fail because if it did… he was dead, his entire livelihood was there and clearly the only way to get home was that, believing that the station had failed was as improbable as the idea that something had entered.

And both ideas were catastrophic.

Missa's less rational brain was already in the catastrophes that awaited him, an unknown evil making its way through the darkness to finish him off, angry at having a stranger in his ecosystem would launch itself and he would be finished, eventually (in a hundred of years) nature would reclaim the mobile station, swallowing every trace left behind of its existence..

The voice continued in the background but Missa had already partially stopped listening, with his gaze fixed on the darkness he realized that perhaps he did not want to be the end of his bloodline so he slowly directed his hand to his weapon. According to the regulations it did little more than stun small fauna in case they were too violent to take the samples normally.

He was dimly aware that he wouldn't be heard or seen until the results were finished being dictated, the plan was; sudden movement = electrocute, buy time and ask for help.

He swore he heard something low and shallow under the synthetic voice and his grip on the shock weapon tightened.

Slowly, very slowly in the darkness a small figure with… stripes?appeared.

Missa let out a sharp sigh

“P…Philza!” The sapient Vitaris's face lit up at the pure relief that could be heard in his human's voice and he made a trill in greeting.

Missa's shoulders basically slumped, his heart still pounding but it would only take a moment to calm down now that he knew Phil was there and, wait, why was he there?

-"Philza…? How did you get in querido?"

Missa looked back at the holpographic screen, already showing more than half of his arduous findings, all transmitted with a voice so dead and robotic that he was almost disappointing to see his effort transmitted like this.

Buzzing Philza pointed to where the glass tunnel that connected both buildings was, but that didn't make sense, the glass is unbreakable and if it had broken the alarms would have go on.

-"But… like inside the building?" Missa turned his head like a confused dog and Philza found that adorable.

Buzzing even louder Philza approached to his seat, which was like a kind of semicircle embedded on the floor in front of the holographic monitor and Missa finally saw Philza, the Vitaris hermit who had saved him countless times on that remote planet, the most fascinating being to study and greatest source of happiness in the jungle that were for planet was wrapped in Missa´s favorite blanket with his straw hair disheveled and his semi-drooping antennae had an appearance that made Missa melt.

How could someone in a blanket look so good? he still moved as only a predator with years of hunting behind him could do, the fine lines in the corners of his eyes revealed his good character despite everything and his eyes; they trapped him like a black hole to an unfortunate ship.

Crossing over the back of the seat he crouched next to Missa's seated body. His urgent eyes went to his left arm as if he wanted to ask something.

-"What's the matter? Are you worry Phil?"

Philza made a soft trill and in one quick movement covered Missa's body with the same blanket that he uses

Wrapped in an unexpected hug, Missa's hands moved instinctively to cup Phil's back, careful not to touch his wings. A while ago he would have been afraid to put his hands on other people, but after several months of investigation and bonding time the research scientist had concluded that the Wise Vitaris was a little touch-starved.

And after almost 10 months away from all types of non-virtual interaction he could also want some attention. Months of time together had brought them closer than Missa had ever allowed himself to be brought closer to others. Was it because there was no one else around? Or perhaps the strongest bond they had was one too strong that crossed planets?

With Phil practically purring through his wings Missa decided that for now the answer didn't matter, he knew that Phil was very bothered by contact with his antennae but part of his body was more insensitive so he lowered his hands to Phils hips and maneuvered Philza in a more comfortable position than squatting next to him.

The blonde-haired Vitaris made a series of clicks that sounded satisfied at Missa's initiative, quickly settling his head under the human's chin and his hands gripping his human shoulders in a lazy touch, his throat vibrating with happy gurgles. Missa felt… he didn't know how he felt, he literally put a being from another planet in his lap while he discussed a meeting with other researchers light years away from his planet Earth.

He would laugh under other circumstances but the lump in his throat felt dry and heavy, like one of those roots near Phil's tree hut that maybe he shouldn't have eaten.

Uncanny was a word to describe how he felt when Philza raised his head and his eyes slowly closed like cats would around Missa (only if, you know, if the cats blinked horizontally and not vertically)

Missa's breath escaped from his throat..

Bathed in blue light from the hologram the black haired man realized how much Philza didn't belong there, he belonged where everything was much bigger than him and bigger than Missa. He was surrounded by that huge garden that was his own world while Missa was surrounded by some artificial light, he also noticed how it was reflected in Philza's irregular eyes and suddenly he was slapped with two things at once.

One; Philza didn't belong with him, he was such a small thing compared to Philza and Philza didn't deserve to carry Misssas feelings when they couldn't belong together.

And Two; Philza looked beautiful, out of place, yes, but always welcome in Missa's arms, Missa's cheeks warmed by a wave of affection that made him want to kiss this alien-bug-man so bad that makes Missa looks stupid.

Philza made a high-pitched trill that caught his attention, directing his gaze to some photos of the planet's fauna. He had several photos of Philza himself but did not include them in the presentation, saving them on a separate USB memory.

It felt too… intimate for him to tell them about Philza, and regular reports with the crew on Earth confirmed that as a researcher he had established communication with the dominant species of the planet Vita, just not to what extent yet.

Missa recognizes those photos as the ones at the end of his presentation, the most recent data is read by the computer as background noise and Phil looks particularly less impressed than the other times he's been in there.

A deep sigh that he didn't know was holding came out softly from him, more pathetic than he thought as he realized how Philza did burst into the station.

(…)

He didn't, Missa let him in after his accident, they were closer to his station than Phils treehouse and even though he didn't like to leave his terrotory for too long, Phil's instincts were closed at the mere thought of his mate taking care for his own wound all alone.

It had hurt his pride that the human he was courting had gotten hurt with him present so he had managed to get the human to share not only his hiding place but to make a space for him and his eggs in his very own nest. Which in no way struck Philza's brain with the idea of how the human corresponded to his advances, nope, not at all.

Well…

maybe a little

That was a good sign! how close he was to being able to have the human as his partner, his efforts to prove to the black-haired man that he was the best option were giving results if he was easily accepted into his nest.

But you can imagine his surprise when he woke up in a half-made nest with his babies without his partner to court, the smell of the human was overwhelming and the space was limited. If it were up to him he would make a bigger nest that covered the entire room a nest worthy of his humand and children. A deep, disapproving vibration left his throat; He could do a better one and he will once they return to his territory.

He allowed himself to judge the materials of the human kind of nest, quickly coming to the conclusion that they were not good enough for his Missa, almost enough to sleep in but it did not allow him to snuggle or cuddle comfortably with his wings, much less with his flock, needed more space, fresher materials, safer structures, needed!-

His antennas moved suddenly, something boiling beneath his surface led him to stretch out on the small bed in the room, searching for his mate. He wasn't there, but the best next thing was his blanket, which smelled deeply like him. It was probably the softest of the few that Missa had laid out in case they wanted to rest (he put all the ones he had) its smell was overwhelming and almost calmed the serious discomfort caused by the idea of Missa sleeping in such an inappropriate nest. Overwhelmed by his delicious smell, he felt his brain become comfortably cloudy. He could keep that, just a little longer.

When he woke up again the blanket was no longer enough, call him greedy but he wanted more (that doesn't mean he was going to discard the blanket yet, had their smells mixed in) that's how he easily wandered around the room, the habitable building (which was not very big) seeing his husband's mark printed everywhere, he had good taste, he would not let him build the nest (because that was his duty when courting him) but perhaps he could help choose some materials.

"Violet. Tallulah likes purple. Decorate me violet, Use Liliacs? mate would like it. He likes purple, Lilac, Violet"

He rambled as he quickly passed the tunnel that connects the two buildings, habitable building to the laboratory. He had already been in the laboratory building, it was not his favorite place but missa was there so best building between the two.

Phil rushed to meet him, the audacity of this man! leave him alone in an empty nest where his children should be protected by them, Philza was ready to drag him if necessary, his wings vibrating behind him and accidentally hit something that he overlooked in the darkness, he stopped with the impact, noticing the fear in the human´s eyes so Phil did approached more slowly, as he would do with an injured animal that he wants to keep, a good decision because now he is comfortably on his lap, Philza would scold him later

His face illuminated by the blue light looked adorable but he had a frown ruining his expression

He vibrated, curious to find out what he disliked

(…)

Missa was caught by surprise when he felt Philza's warm breath on his neck, almost making him jump out of his seat. He could feel Phil´s throat vibrating in conjunction with his wings. He wondered if it had been a good idea to put the blue-eyed Vita on his lap afterwards.

It could be that he was going to open his mouth at any moment to eat him(and Missa found that he wasn't all that against that idea, after all there were worse ways to go, I mean-)

He realized that everything felt very quiet then, except for the wings vibrating and their the soft breathing all was silence for a second, before the Federal's voice broke the silence.

The holographic screen had gone from the results of his operations, to traversing what were months of work in what felt like seconds to give way again to the headquarters at home.

Cucurucho look weirder than usual, still expressionless as a corpse, but had their brooding air gotten worse?? like something wasn't in place, to make matters worse he actually seemed to be able to see Missa in the eyes, through his eyes, into his brain, and through his brain into him, he tensed and swore that Phil's buzz grew louder, suddenly the fed seemed to focus only in him and suddenly he move-

"...Hahaha"

No mames-

"Researcher 564, your holographic camera and microphone are still off" Reported the cold, robotic voice that sounded frighteningly similar to the canned voice of his computer.

Missa was startled by his voice, his hand automatically moving to carry out the order when suddenly a growl interrupted his movement.

Philza was bristling like a cat, his face turned to face the Cucurucho hologram eyes fixed on it, his hand on Missa's shoulders went from a soft and light touch to a vicious grip, his wings seemed to spread and twitch and the muscles in his back were tense.

Missa struggled when Phil's claws tried to dig into his shoulders.

"Philza, cariño, stop" The wise vitaris growled louder like a cat looking to intimidate.

-"Please s-stop- can you? wait a second, just, wait-“

Pressed by the surveillance of the hologram and the fear that Earth headquarters would activate the cameras themselves, Missa wrapped his arm around Phil's wings, making them recoil vaguely in his grip before melting in his hands.

His other arm flew towards the microphone ready to turn it on when he fixed his eyes on Phil's absorbing orbs, a deep blue that swallowed all the light as if only night existed there, they reflected the light of the room as if it had a moon inside and against them, Missa's constricted pupils floated in a miniature canvas of rich, enchanting purple that burned fervently like only the sun.

-“Please” the scientist whispered and finally the sun won that battle.

-“Y-Yes, I'm really sorry, the rains seem to have, eh, damaged something inside the camera, I already cut to get to the button but it seems that the humidity reached too deep, I can't turn it on.”

-“Unacceptable”

-“In fact, it is reversible damage” a voice from the call, a researcher at Destoier planet, intervened. Presumably a human with a white tuft.

- “It will take a while but it is repairable”

Missa gave a grateful look at the hologram that took the form of that researcher even though he knew they couldn't see him. Cucurucho, stopped, as if they were weighing what the researcher had said

Their heavy gaze returned to Missa but its time but this time they didn't say anything.

Missa's microphone automatically closed to make way for the next researcher and his data and finally the black-haired man felt like he could breathe again.

Slowly Phil's buzzing subsided until it gave way to its normal volume, just a little fast and urgent, if Missa had managed to relax his shoulders after the tense exchange they now tensed again when the Vitaris buried his face in the juncture between neck and shoulder of the man with the amethyst eyes.

-“Phi-Philza?! What are you-?"

Was- was he rubbing? A series of muffled clicks collided with his neck, "Threat Mate. Keep Away From Flock, Protect. No-Live. So Strange"

Missa hesitantly placed a hand on his blonde head, gently stroking his hair. Subtle nothings left his lips, seeking to reassure Phil. Unfortunately, he still did not understand the language in Vitaris, which was especially frustrating at that moment.

They stayed there in each other's arms, as the bright blue holograms mutated in shape according to the results of other operations, other false voices mechanically read the investigations in the background, as time progressed Missa thought about how the meeting fell on deaf ears for him because he couldn't find himself to be minimally interested.

A planet passed, then another, and another, he could almost believe that the holograms looked beautiful, another planet and Missa gasped deeply.

He woke up, blinking slowly with a vertigo that he only felt when he was 9 and he teleported from the couch to the bed while he slept (the haters would say it was his parents) suddenly aware of two other things.

One: he was in his bed .

And two: he had not slept in his bed.

Revealing himself from the blanket, he noticed that buried in a kind of circle of blankets and pillows there were two eggs, ahh. Chayanne and Tallulah Missa would never forget that, they could move and semi-communicate like their father but the little Vitaris (presumably) remained inside the shell until they had completely finished their development, they had a tendency to sleep a lot until that moment (mainly Chayanne) and they still depended on their caregiver (Philza) for food and protection.

Still some sleepy, Missa placed a hand delicately on tallulah¨s shell, warming easily under his hand as if the little girl inside could tell he was there and respond to the touch, an aww died in his throat when he noticed that his left arm wouldn't move.

I mean, he could but he would have to take down an adult Vitaris for that. Phil was curled up on his left side while the children (his children?) rested on the right of him, the heat quickly hitting his cheeks as he noticed how close they were and that they were sharing beds? Wasn't that very intimate for the Vitaris kind? with their eggs there??

In front of the children?

Phil had one arm around Missa's waist, his wings pressed uncomfortably against his back in an attempt to keep them from hanging, and his other arm. Oh, it was on the bruise, which was no longer a bruise because it had healed, the bandage was missing and in its place was Phil's calloused, warm hand.

Missa looked at the hand on him, then at the Vitaris's sleeping face, then at the arm around his waist, and finally at the two eggs resting on his bed. It was fine, feel nice. Feel so nice and and diffused inside him. Missa guessed one last thing; That he could let himself sleep, just a little. He probably hallucinated but he felt a kiss on his hair before falling into a comfortable, surrounded and safe sleep.

//I finished, I finally finished this one, it could have been better, much better but I really wanted to publish it for the death duo/pissa anniversary. Thanks so much for reading love u goys :,)

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ghostflowerhotpotch · 1 year

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Has it ever occurred to you that since Gwen hasn’t had a mother figure for the majority of her life and from the beginning of ATSV its kinda shown she’s been craving that type of guidance or even affection when she sees Jess for the first time, do you think that once the dust is settled between her and Miles and she finally gets to properly introduce herself to his parents, do you think that Rio can not replace Gwen’s mother but atleast fill in that gap in some way where she’s able to get some of the guidance she’s been looking for. Idk I just feel like the dynamic between the two could be interesting once they both get along with each other, hopefully this makes sense to answer.

Ohh this is interesting.

Now, hope you don't mind, but Gwen and Jess situation is something I wanted to talk about for a while, so, I will use your comment to talk about this.

I will do the Rio part too, but knowing myself, there is a chance that would end in a second post because I talk too much.

Let's go!

Now, do I think is this a joke? Yes, but I also think Gwen means it.

And look, this is not to say that you necessarily need to have two parents to raise a kid, I personally believe that one parent, if they provide the necessary attention and care to the child or children, could be an amazing parent and not let their kids feel like they are missing anything.

However, as discussed on this post, I mentioned why while George isn't a bad dad, sadly he is not the best parent for Gwen.

And here I also discussed why Gwen's mental health is a bit of a mess.

But to not sent people to do homework, let's give the cliff-notes version.

George is trying to be a good father, however between his job and his refusal to understand nuance, he has accidentally pushed Gwen away; even if maybe this could have been resolved if she talked to him in a normal situation, the fact that he did what he did in the beginning shows she was scared for a reason.

So that means Gwen has a gaping hole in what a role model and parent should be, since she needs more support. Of couse her Spidey identity is important to her (in fact she leans too much into it,) and having no one to help her on that complicated path doesn't make the situation any easier.

Enters Jessica Drew.

You know I found extremely telling that when Gwen sees Miguel, she is cracking jokes and not really taking his professionalism crap seriously; yet when Jess comes kicking ass with her motorcycle and she looks at her like she has seen the light.

Perhaps it had to do with her realizing this failed artist is more problematic than she expected, or the fact that Miguel was quickly disposed of by something she saw from a mile away; while Jess came putting the bad guy on a grinder and maneuvering a bike like nobody's business. Needless to say, Gwen is DEFINITELY impressed.

Once again, this plays almost like this is a dream come true for Gwen.

She hides it well for most of the movie as well as the previous one, but the reality is that underneath that cool exterior, this is a teenage mess with so much angst she is giving my teen self a run for their money.

Just like she craves companionship in the form of Miles as well as other spiders, she probably wants someone who can tell her everything is going to be okay or what they should do. Again, we may forget sometimes, especially with superhero movies where protagonists need to be competent despite their age most of the time; but Gwen is 16, 17 at the most; and has been handling this stress and turmoil for at least 3 years. That's a lot.

Top it with her dad not being able to emotionally support her, and the fact that she wants a mom becomes less a possible commentary about not nuclear families, and more of a likely possibility because the first 20 minutes of the movie gave us LOTS of material to show how mess up this is.

I think is a testament to the situation that she doesn't default to Peter B or Noir in the first movie, nor Miguel; she only seems to be interested in learning from someone when she sees Jess.

Is funny, but is also very painful to hear for me, as if you ask me she said it completely straight, and this just shows how much help she needs.

Granted Gwen said that accidentally and probably wouldn't have said it if thought about it first, but the fact that it slipped says a lot.

She desperately wants someone like Jess in her life, and to top it off, she probably wants that person as a maternal figure; probably someone to ask about techniques for defeating baddies and also who could talk about feelings without this person defaulting to work as a copy mechanism.

Feel free to call me crazy for getting so work up about a joke, but if I am honest other interactions really make me sell this idea for me.

Now let's talk Jess.

Literally what other reaction she was going to have.

We really never hear a definitive answer to the question, but I also think Jess didn't think too hard about it for a reason.

I am planning to go through some scenes of Gwen and Jess to dig deeper into their mentor/not-mom situation, but let's start with this.

Do I think Jess should have adopted Gwen? No, not at all.

Look I am a sucker for found family and adoption tropes, and I would had love nothing more than for Jess to give one dirty look at Gwen's dad, tell her she would be there for her, and take her away to a good home. That is not what happened, and I don't blame her.

She is on her way to having her own kid, she needs to be spider-woman and to top it all off, she seems to be kind of a second in command in a really big operation, where your boss is your friend who is also way too into his job and she probably is still there partially to make sure Miguel doesn't completely lose it. She has a lot on her plate as it is, adopting a traumatized teenager is a lot of work that shouldn't really be her job.

Do I think that means she has no responsibilities to Gwen? No, not really.

And this is largely why.

Okay, I will try to not go over every moment with them, as this is more about explaining their situation than a deep dive of every instance of their relationship, but this is a good kicker for the situation.

Jess immediately takes an interest in Gwen for the organization, now while I can understand that she based this purely on her abilities, I think a part of it was the comment Gwen made earlier. I think she sees in her someone who needs a steady hand and some support.

As a mentor.

This is going a bit ahead on the post, but let's establish that 1) This exists, and 2) Jessica got that idea EXTREMELY quick all things considered.

Here is where the responsibility part actually kicks in.

No, Jess doesn't have any responsibility to Mother Gwen in any way, regardless if Gwen needs one or not (she does,) but the moment she not only started to argue for her to have a spot in the organization, to take her in when the things in her universe technically imploded (which they are marginally responsible considering they came to clean this means and they only did it thanks to Gwen,) She implicitly accepted to look after her.

Okay here is where we need to talk a bit about tropes.

When you have protagonists that are teens or kids with powers, is inevitable that they will need to deal with dangerous stuff that no sane adult would let a real kid do, but is fiction so you kind of have to suck it.

This is a trope that I found kind of lazy even when I was part of the age demographic; which is why stuff like The Owl House with Eda was refreshing.

She was also a Mentor who was also not very responsible as a guardian, but she ended up growing into one, and even if she failed to protect her apprentice, she did try her damnest to do it.

Jess is not Eda, and she doesn't need to be, except that this story has proven to be aware that they are still teens.

Jess clearly recognizes this isn't fair for Gwen. We also see something like this in the first movie, with Peter B worried about Miles can or can't handle, while still letting them do stuff you wouldn't catch me letting my little sister get away with; they know that there are somethings someone at that age shouldn't just be handling on their own.

And Jess isn't exactly ice-cold about Gwen.

Jess took interest in Gwen's potential quickly, she looked after her, and quickly went to try to calm her down and support her during a very high tense and stressful moment. Even here is Gwen the one who ultimately moves away, not Jess, proving she could had try to stay close to ensure she was okay.

And this is something that shows that it kind of sticks.

While considerably harsher here than in her introduction scene, Jess is showing that despite her annoyance with Gwen, she still likes her. She never thought her relationship with Miles shouldn't be a reason not to have her on the team; she trusted a mission in the universe despite that, and also calls Gwen her star pupil, which I don't was sarcasm.

She also gives her an hour to fix this, which even if not much, is more than she could have given her.

I am not saying that Jess didn't look after Gwen, or didn't care about her beyond what she could do for the organization, however, it wasn't what Gwen needed.

Let's circle back to responsibility,

Jess is aware of what happened with her dad, she knows what Gwen lost, and she can probably imagine that a kid that lost her identity and her world like that on just one night can't be doing okay; yet nothing shows me she ever did anything about it.

Here is the thing, Jess doesn't need to be Gwen's mom, but she can't just insist to have her and be her mentor, and don't think about checking on her in something other than her kicking-ass abilities. Even if she doesn't want to deal with it, she should have either seen how to make her father see reason, or lock her in the room with the spider-man psych.

Considering how things go in this movie, neither thing happens.

And it feels more painfully obvious when you see how much Gwen tries to appeal to her emotionally.

In a vaccum, none of these are a big deal, but the more I think about it the more heartbreaking this is for me to watch.

This is why I find these to be such a big deal: Gwen doesn't like to do emotional shit.

I know, I probably repeated that more times than I can count; but let that sink in contrast to what's going on.

After Peter died, she decided to not have any friends because she couldn't deal with the grief, with Miles only getting past that rule because they are both spiders plus chemistry. And even then, when you see Miles asking if she is going to talk to her dad, she decided to crack a joke and brush the idea as swiftly as possible.

When her dad tells her about the break in the spider-woman case, she tries to brush it off with false enthusiasm at first, and then when she gives a more honest response is more out of bubbling annoyance that truly her trusting him with something.

She isn't baring her heart open in these moments though, let's not have it twisted; however, she is trying to use emotion as a way to appeal to Jess, which is not her first move with most people in general. Even when she is not actively giving her an in-depth explanation, in each of those moments she is giving the emotional context as to why this is so hard.

"You never got too close to someone?" -> "This person is important to me and this is hard for me, wasn't it for you?"

"But my gut says-" -> "I know this looks bad, and I can't explain how, but this isn't right, trust me."

"Tell him he is wrong!" -> I don't really need to explain this one, do it?

She continuously looks up to Jess to hear her out, and to understand what she is going through; she sees her and expects someone who can connect with her on that level and care about it.

But that's not what Jess does, because she is not her mom, she is her mentor.

For the most part, when Gwen tries to appeal to Jess emotionally speaking, Jessica shuts that idea down fast.

Now, I am going to preface this by clarifying that in real life, a mentor would probably check emotionally on the kid they are mentoring if only for the fact that when you are in charge of a kid, you should look after them. Fiction however is another ballpark, and technically speaking, a mentor shouldn't need to be doing something that is the job of the family.

A good mentor would probably understand their apprentice position and listen, since regardless of your years of experience, you can't just underestimate people or you will inevitably be surpassed. However, Jess isn't trying to be anything like that; she wants to teach Gwen her way, and her way says that emotions are kind of on the way. So regardless if it isn't what Gwen needs, she will insist on that.

I think there can be a way to accept emotions but also don't let them cloud your decisions, yet again, Jess is not interested in that, and I Gwen actually have normal, supportive parents (or even just one,) I wouldn't be so hung up about this. But she doesn't and Jess knows this.

Superhero or not, Gwen is just a teen, and shouldn't need to be living this, especially because I freaking doubt this is a canon event or something; with the resources they have, and the people they have on board, I can't believe there isn't a way they could have talk to Captain Stacy and made him see reason.

But they didn't, because they are more worried about spider-man duties than whatever is going on to the person under the mask, and for them, this is just what comes with the territory so you have the suck it up. Even if this is perfectly avoidable once you think of it.

That's something that I had been thinking about a lot while doing my post on the organization as well as the one with Gwen falling in Mumbatthan. The spiders are stronger together, and in general working as a team gives them not only better chances at saving people, but also helping with the stress they have and being there for each other. That isn't the goal of the organization though.

Miguel's mission is to preserve the canon and to put people from other dimensions back into their respective ones, anything else is probably secondary to him. Sure, if someone asks for help from another Spider I don't think he would stand in the way; except if it is a canon event, which in that case, he will probably say to people to suck it up.

The pain they have, the trauma they are suffering, while being together helps it was never the end goal to help with that, and there is no regard in avoiding said pain. This is a job first and foremost, which is the attitude Jess has.

Gwen is not her kid, or even a young student, she is a coworker; one that she needs to guide a bit, but her subordinate at the end of the day.

Sometimes the waters get muddier, on both sides if I am honest.

I will touch a bit on other scenes, but I wanted to bring up this one in particular because there is something that feels a bit more mother-daughter than it probably has any right to show.

Now I will be the first to admit this may be a me thing, I can be very formal in real life and that goes double with people who are older than me and in a position of power over me, the only exception to that rule is my current boss because he is the mythical creature of being a manager who remembers employees are people too.

Gwen is not like that, she jokes and doesn't give too much of a shit regardless if you are Miguel or a bad guy. However there is something in the way Gwen acts that feels she wouldn't be phrasing stuff like this if it was Miguel on the other side; again, back to her using emotion as a first resource rather than as a lashing effect of her anger.

Jess, while being kind of no-nonsense overall, is also not the most formal, because this is the spider society and Miguel had the bad luck to be the only straight-laced one while everybody else tries to be a comedian for the most part. But there is a way that she talks to Gwen that for me feels kind of like her not fully keeping this professional either.

I can't fully put it into words, so feel free to not make seriously on this one, but there is something about the way Jess is commenting on the situation that reminds me more of a mom than any of my bosses.

Then we have scenes like this.

I am sorry but this part really first like is a discussion between mother and daughter, even with contexts the way the scene delivers gives that energy.

This isn't exactly wrong by itself, nor is it truly that surprising. The boss I mentioned before had also mentioned off-topic that me and my other coworker (who is a couple of years older than me,) are almost like his kids, and we share an age range. However he doesn't try to parent us really, and even if some of the comments are very much 'now listen to me kids' he quickly remembers we are adults and would drop topics or decisions we made that I know wouldn't be his reaction has been one of the kids that are actually kids.

It probably has more to do with the way they talk and see people younger than them that any parental feelings, and none of this is really inappropriate.

Nonetheless, the fact that Gwen craves that motherly bond makes these interactions hurt all the more for me.

Gwen may not be under the illusion that Jess is her mom, but she's subconsciously looking up to her, and the fact that Jess acts like this, even if by accident, just feels into that mentality. The mentality Gwen has that maybe Jess will listen this time, that she will take into account her feelings and her opinion in her decisions; but she continues to not do that.

For the most part.

Is a bit hard to see with the resolution I have, but when Gwen is kicking and screaming while been taken by the machine, Jess's gaze goes in another direction.

I am sorry if this is feeling repetitive, I know this post is a long one (which is funny how this post created another 2 just so those topics wouldn't be here.)

What I am trying to say with all of this, is despite Jess' insistence this is just work, that Gwen is just her pupil and she can only do so much; Jess continues to have a soft stop for Gwen that let's her get away with things. Is kind of ironic how Miguel said Gwen was a liability for her feelings for Miles, yet couldn't even consider how feelings in general would get in the way, considering Jess assigned this mission to Gwen (which then she fumbled the bag and led to the Spot becoming an actual menace,) give her a second chance, and then apparently let her go.

(It is possible she is looking for where Gwen is going to tell Miguel, but I doubt it.)

I fully believe that by the third film, Jess will probably end up either switching sides or just letting Gwen do what she wants, and even if is the first scenario I think it would be via Gwen that happens.

But to wrap things up, if Captain Stacy is not enough as a parent for Gwen because he can't do that role properly, Jess isn't good enough as a parent for Gwen because she doesn't want that role, regardless of if she sometimes kind of acts like it.

I think their relationship is fascinating, and I would love to explore more of this connection in some way; if only because the complicated nature of it makes it all the more interesting for me, but in a nutshell, is this:

Jess: I wanted an apprentice, you wanted a mom. Gwen: Well I guess we are both disappointed.

(Sorry I couldn't help myself, OOF I wish I could draw well enough for this.)

Now, with my thoughts on Rio, I could probably put them on this post because is not that long, but it will probably feel off with all this commentary I had been making, so it would be in another one.

If you got this far, congrats on your patience, and thank you for reading!

#atsv files #across the spiderverse #atsv #gwen stacy #jessica drew #spider-woman #analysis

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chloecherrysip · 1 year

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So I just got back from a midnight showing of the Mario Movie!!! AND I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT IN DEPTH (BEHIND A CUT OF COURSE, NO SPOILERS FOISTED UPON ANYONE UNLESS THEY WANT THEM)

If you are just looking for a general impression of whether I thought it was good/bad and some things to keep in mind before you see it yourself (I do want to offer a helping hand in setting expectations for people who are afraid they've hyped it up too much), you can read that part FIRST and then I will provide a clear warning/a ton of space where you have to scroll further to get to the actual spoilers so you can back out! But I AM going to spoil things after I provide that warning, so please don't read further if you don't want to know.

(Also if you don't want to read through all the spoilers but you DO want to know if something specific happens/doesn't happen, feel free to message me! I don't mind answering.)

LET'S-A GO

MY GENERAL, NOT-SO-SPOILERY THOUGHTS:

As someone who has loved these characters for a very long time and has always longed for more media with them, I really, genuinely did have a wonderful time watching the movie. Now that I'm home, I'm realizing that my face actually ACHES from smiling too much, haha. I think everyone who has that built-in affection for the source material will have a good time with it and not regret seeing it, and the movie seriously FLIES by because you're just so busy enjoying it and being along for the ride!

ALSO, IF YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT THIS (NO SPECIFICS, WILL GET INTO IT MORE BELOW), MARIO AND LUIGI AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS, BY FAR AND AWAY, THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE, THEY ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY ADORABLE EVERY MOMENT THEY'RE TOGETHER, WHICH IS NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH TIME BUT OH WELL. GIVE ME A MOVIE WHERE THEY'RE TOGETHER THE WHOLE TIME RIGHT NOW, I DEMAND IT

THAT SAID....

I do think that if you are someone who has spent a lot of time theorizing about potential scenes/conversations between characters and hoping for meaningful interactions and a lot of emotional resonance and payoff (like me!), you need to bring your expectations WAY, WAY, WAYYYYYY down before going in. Bring them incredibly far down, and then bring them down a little lower, even. Trust me on this.

I saw in a review before I went in that "you can tell pretty immediately when watching that this is meant to be an extremely surface-level movie for children" and I wasn't sure what that meant, but after seeing it...yeah. yeah, I do see what they meant. There is just a lack of depth here that's pretty glaring (even for a children's movie!) and I think the short length of the movie is what really, REALLY hurts it. I just desperately wish it was 10 minutes longer and every scene had another two minutes added on where the characters could just TALK to each other. The characters almost never get to just talk to each other about anything that isn't servicing the moving of the plot forward at a breakneck pace, which is sad!!!! As much as I loved seeing all the characters together, it all just felt...a little empty. And that stinks, really.

Also, a good thing to know: if you have watched ALL the trailers/TV spots like many of us have, you have seen a VAST majority of the movie already, like 65% at least, I would say. Everything but the first 10 minutes and the last 15-20 minutes, basically! And while there are additional shots/pieces of dialogue in those scenes, of course, several of the scenes from the trailers where people were like "oh boy, can't WAIT to see the rest of that scene" - uhhhh, you basically already saw the whole scene, I'm sorry to say. That was definitely a bit of a disappointing realization for me, to realize that a scene I'd looked forward to from the trailers was here and - oh, it's already over, we're moving on. :( (And I can write a list of which scenes those were down below, if you want to know.) The movie really, REALLY needed some time to breathe, for goodness sake! This is probably the most frustrating thing, just not understanding why it had to be so SHORT and why every scene is paced like lightning.

ALSO: a couple of lines from the trailers that people really loved are not in the movie at all!?!?!?!?!?! I WAS APPALLED. WHAT HAPPENED THERE? WAS THE SCENE CUT OR DID THEY JUST RECORD LINES WITHOUT SCENES ATTACHED SPECIFICALLY FOR THE TRAILER????? (I will also list these below!)

All in all, I do want to be clear that I am NOT majorly disappointed! A little disappointed, sure, but I'm still smiling thinking back on the movie and I don't regret seeing it at all! I think people will enjoy it a lot if they just manage their expectations going in!!! But yeah...I think there's going to be a LOT of "fix-it fic" that comes out of this movie, whether that's people elaborating on the scenes or simply writing a better, longer, more emotionally resonant version of the plot (which honestly I might dabble in, LOL)

AND NOW LET'S GET INTO ACTUAL SPOILERS

FIRST, MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION: DO MARIO AND LUIGI GET TO HUG WHEN THEY REUNITE????? SCROLL DOWN TO FIND OUT

THEY DO!!! AND IT'S THE BEST

I'm not even joking, it's my favorite moment of the movie by far, absolutely no contest, would watch it 1,000+ times on repeat and die happy, LOL. It comes and goes quickly like all things in this movie does but they DO get a few beats to themselves and just - their faces!!!! their body language!!!! THE RELIEF AND HAPPINESS AND LOVE FOR EACH OTHER IS SO PALPABLE, JUST IN ALL THE LITTLE WAYS THEY REACT AND TOUCH EACH OTHER!!! I would have to see it again to really get all the little details, I'm sure I missed things in the moment, but the highlights are Mario cupping Luigi's face in both hands REALLY sweetly and also going in for a second quick hug where he lifts Luigi off the ground. And then there is some light ribbing from Luigi about what the heck he's wearing (he's still in the Tanooki powerup!) XD

Unfortunately, no one cries or gets teary (at least not that I noticed? I could be wrong and there was a super quick moment of it) but other than that, it was truly a lovely, little moment and this what I cared most about in the movie by far, SO I CAN REST EASY NOW. I think I saw someone say "I want their reunion hug to be good enough that it's featured in ALL Mario & Luigi hug compilations" and ohhhh, trust me, it WILL be!

(If you are curious about context for their reunion, here you go: there is unfortunately no jailbreak or anything like that, Luigi is still in jail when Bowser decides to SACRIFICE ALL HIS PRISONERS BY DROPPING THEM, CAGE AND ALL, INTO LAVA to prove his love for Peach!?!?! Peach herself manages to temporarily stop the cages from lowering but then Luigi is the lowest hanging cage and basically gets most of his cage EATEN AWAY BY LAVA but manages to crawl out and try to escape, only to fall! BUT THIS IS WHEN MARIO IS FIRST GETTING THE TANOOKI POWERUP AT THE SAME TIME AND HE SWOOPS IN AND SAVES HIM, IT IS GREAT AND SUPRISINGLY TENSE)

I will get into more detail about the rest tomorrow in a follow-up post when it's not almost 4:30 in the morning, but here are some more spoilers/things I liked or didn't like!

LIKED:

Pretty much everything in Brooklyn! I will write a more specific list tomorrow of all the sweet Mario & Luigi stuff but it is all EXTREMELY good, to the point that I started to actively dread the separation :(

PEACH GETTING CAPTURED AND GOING THROUGH WITH A WEDDING TO BOWSER TO SAVE HER PEOPLE BUT THEN KICKING ASS AND TAKING NAMES ALL BY HERSELF???? SHE SAVES HERSELF, NO MARIO NEEDED, AND IT'S FANTASTIC AND UNEXPECTED

Mario and DK's rivalry is SO juvenile but SO funny. All their little sniping at each other is cute XD

Bowser is also SO funny??? Everything with him pining after Peach and his SONG and all of his minions being EXTREMELY confused about his plan made me laugh more than anything else (BIG Mario Odyssey visual references for the wedding, btw XD)

I'M SORRY, I GOTTA SAY IT AGAIN....JUST MARIO AND LUIGI IN GENERAL. EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM. THEY ARE PERFECT LITTLE MEN WHO LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH. ALSO, VINDICATION FOR ME BECAUSE WHAT MARIO SAYS TO LUIGI IN THE WARP PIPE IS "nothing can hurt us as long as we're together" (which is then repeated later at a critical moment) and nobody believed me that he was saying that but he IS!!!!!!! I KNEW IT

The whole "why is Peach the only human here?" question getting EXPLORED???? AND SHE HAS A BACKSTORY WHERE SHE ESSENTIALLY IS FROM MARIO & LUIGI'S WORLD AND WAS FOUND AND RAISED BY THE TOADS???? It was VERY interesting and i was EXTREMELY intrigued

Stuff that was disappointing:

There was essentially nothing about Mario and Peach and Toad's teamup & journey that you didn't already see in the trailers/TV spots :( There's maybe a COUPLE of cute, new lines but that's it.

Other scenes where you basically saw it all if you saw the trailers/TV spots - the fire flower fields scene (other than Peach's backstory! But no more talking about Luigi from Mario, waaah), the Bowser + Luigi interrogation (a tiny bit more to it but barely anything and they do not directly interact again, SORRY FANS OF THEM), Luigi in the Dark Lands, and the threesome traveling to different lands. :(

THE LINES "I'm not afraid! I'd do anything for my brother" and "I hope you told your brother how much you loved him because you're probably not gonna see him ever again" ARE NOT IN THE MOVIE (UNLESS I BLACKED OUT OR WAS DISTRACTED AND MISSED THEM) AND THAT IS ACTUALLY A CRIME!!!!!! I AM GENUINELY KIND OF UPSET ABOUT THIS AND DEMAND MORE INFO. HOW THEY COULD RECORD THE FIRST LINE IN PARTICULAR AND NOT INCLUDE IT???? SHAME, SHAME, SHAME

Again, just....a lack of characters getting to have conversations/connections in general. Mario and Luigi's relationship and closeness is the only one that you really BELIEVE. Mario and Peach just don't get time to TALK, and neither do Mario and Toad. Honestly, Mario and DK's relationship felt more fleshed out in the end, and even that was just by a tiny bit.

Speaking of...no Mario + Peach romance in the least, sorry. :( They get ONE scene where DK makes fun of Mario for "flirting" with her but that's basically it. They don't even really get a scene with any romantic undertones other than just general smiling/warmth at each other?

ALSO: no Rosalina, no Daisy, no Wario/Waluigi, no Bowser Jr or the Koopalings, no real cameos of any sort that I picked up on EXCEPT you do see King Boo and some other notable villains at Bowser and Peach's wedding, which was neat! But Daisyyyyyyy. ;____;

Lumalee literally plays NO actual role in the movie and there is no sacrifice for a 1-up or anything like that. The character is just there to be morbid comic relief, which is kind of a letdown!

I HAVE TO SLEEP NOW, but quick thing about the ending (I will elaborate in another post) - the final battle is truly BONKERS. It's NOT a classic Mario VS Bowser battle at all, which is what I originally wanted, but jury's still out on whether I liked it or not? Will have to sleep on it. XD

WILL FOLLOW UP WITH ANOTHER POST TOMORROW WHEN I'M NOT ACTIVELY FALLING ASLEEP

#mario movie #mario movie spoilers #super mario bros movie #super mario bros movie spoilers #will post again with more info and details soon! but i have to sleeep #cherrysip hc's & rambling

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lokilickedme · 2 years

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Since I’m now apparently this town’s version of Steve Harrington I’m going to have to start an OPC ISTG tag (Other People’s Children I Swear To God) because the generation I’m working with have zero peopleing skills and even less common sense and if I have to say “that’s not how life works babydoll” one more time I’m going to stand with my mouth open under the hot caramel dispenser on Monday morning and dare management to say a word to me.

Last week a teen girl who’s been working there only slightly longer than I have was following me around, micromanaging literally every move I made with the haughty tone of a boss trying to bully a worker into quitting. She’s recently turned 18 and acts like this to everyone. I, being the mom of two boys (one of whom is a teenager almost as old as this girl) have complete mastery over the unconcerned dismissive “Okay thanks” response that precedes turning around and walking off to the point where I can do it without the victim even realizing I’m humoring and subsequently ignoring their annoying ass. But this girl is relentless and after just about two hours of nonstop badgering I stood up from where I’d been loading the vanilla sauce and said our manager’s name, loud enough to be heard in the lobby.

Teen girl stopped where she stood, silent for the first time all morning, obviously confused.

And then she started in on me again.

“Actually the way we normally do it is you - “

“Okay thanks hon, why don’t you go take care of your own business now I got this.”

“Well actually - “

“Okay, I guess we’re doing this the other way then. KATRINA!!”

Our manager (Katrina) pokes her head out of the office and I head straight for her and proceed to spend the next two minutes telling her why I’m going to walk out and unlock my bike and go for a nice long ride around town during the upcoming lunch rush if she doesn’t do one thing and one thing only, and that is to get Teen Mansplainer away from me so I can work without the constant haranguement of a know it all child yammering at my face.

Manager immediately sends Teen Mansplainer home, because of the two of us I’m the only one who does much of anything besides talking and I’m also the one she hopes won’t quit because I’m literally the only adult on staff except her (and I’m 20 years older than her as well). Teen Mansplainer grabs her gear and leaves without a word, but I yell “Be careful going home babe!” as the door slams behind her.

She’s off the schedule for the next two days, which are coincidentally my two other workdays for the week.

Have I mentioned that I love Katrina the manager?

So on Friday I’m home enjoying the start to my weekend when I get a call from an unknown number, but it’s local and I’m expecting a call from my maxillo-craniofacial surgeon, so I answer it. It’s not my maxillo-craniofacial surgeon.

It’s Teen Mansplainer.

She proceeds to whine to me that she didn’t get enough hours last week and she’s not going to get enough hours next week either because she’s suddenly only scheduled for two days instead of her normal five (coincidentally her two days on are my two days off LOL) and anyway, could she have my Monday shift?

I think I must have sat there with my mouth open and speechless for a full minute. She got sent home and taken off the schedule for harassing and constantly bothering me and then had the unmitigated balls and testicles to call me up (dunno how she even got my number) and ask if she could have one of my workdays to make up the time she lost by being an annoying little asshole...to me.

My my my, what do we have here? Is it a consequence? Oh my goodness look at all this consequence coming back on me as a result of my own actions, wow, didn’t see that coming!

I tell her no and hang up.

Other people’s children, I swear to god.

This week should be interesting if she’s managed to wrangle any days out of anyone else and we happen to overlap in the process. I’ve made it clear to management that I have two other places ready to give me better positions than this one and the only reason I chose this job was because it’s right next to my house, but I can absolutely ride a little bit further to get away from the noxious self importance of kids that don’t belong to me, all she’s gotta do is not take me serious.

My manager is extremely understanding on this matter.

Today is Sunday. She’s called me twice to make sure we’re cool and that I’m coming in on Monday.

Watch, in just about two weeks I’m gonna get a raise.

I give Teen Mansplainer just about the same amount of time before she’s turning in her application at Wendy’s.

#other people's kids #I stg #there's an entire generation out here that never got raised #they just spawned and got turned loose on the world #and they suck lol #manager and I have both tried fruitlessly to teach this kid how to act right #it slides right off her purple-dyed skull #this is my rant for the week now I return you to your regularly scheduled programming

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queen-of-writing-bad-things · 7 months

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Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 4

Episode 20: Rubber Duck

This was gonna be a weird day.

Every night, I fall asleep. And that's when I have...the dream.

Told you.

I'm late for work, so I drive there in a tiny vehicle. I come out of the elevator and then, I hear something cooking, so I walk across the room to see what's up. And then, there's this girl, who I've never seen before.

"What's up, Henry?" She says.

"How do you know my name?" I ask.

"'Cause, you're wearing a name tag." She was right, I was. So, next, I say...

"What you doin'?"

"I'm steaming beans!" I'm like, "random, but okay". She's hard to find through all the bean steam and just when I almost get to her--

"And that's how my dream always ends. Pretty crazy, right?" Henry smiled at (y/n) and Piper as they sat at his kitchen table, the woman filing her nails and the girl doing what looked like homework. Being the big boy he was, Henry had been colouring in a kid's picture book as he told them all about this absurd dream he kept having, but honestly, neither was paying much attention.

(y/n) had heard this story before...sort of. She knew bits and pieces from when he'd retold it in the Man Cave and she was only in the kitchen because Mrs Hart had asked her to be there. Yeah, that Mrs Hart, the one she found difficult to like because of unfortunate history, had politely requested her to come to the Harts' house, but those details could wait for a moment. Henry was needy for attention.

"Yeah, super weird." She nodded sympathetically, looking up briefly from her manicure as Piper did the same, only the girl hadn't kept one ear open like her. Well, she might as well get used to catching up with the kid, she was gonna be with him for quite a while it seemed and if she could help, she would. Small problem though, (y/n) wasn't a shrink, she didn't know much about dreams, especially ones filled with bean girls who mystically turn into Jasper.

*the only good thing this episode gave me was the opportunity to look at nice outfits on google to try and find inspiration*

"What? Were you guys talking?" Piper suddenly asked, taking out the earphones that had been blasting teen-pop into her eardrums the entire time her brother had been divulging what plagued him every time he got some shut-eye. That pissed the boy off; he'd spent the last fifteen minutes pouring his heart out to the girls and only one was listening. That sucked. He wanted advice or some kind of interpretation, not the blank stare of Piper or the apologetic shrug from (y/n).

"Were we--Yeah, I was--I told you and (y/n) the whole dream that I had!"

"About what?" Piper frowned at his snappy tone and moodily threw her cute, red earphones onto the table now that she actually had to listen to him. Ugh, couldn't she just sit here and chill with (y/n), the one she liked because she didn't ask dumb questions?

"Well, I'm not gonna tell it again!" Henry exclaimed. The story was longwinded and he felt like just saying it again would take all the mystery out of it, Piper should've been listening like (y/n), although saying that, she wasn't offering much counselling either.

"Thank you!" The girl returned to her work, making Henry sit back in a huff that caused his coworker to smile. Brother and sister feuds were always funny, particularly between these two, but then she had to stop smiling and filing because here came her employers for the night, Mr and Mrs Hart. Yep, employers.

"Henry, Piper, your dad and I are about to leave." Mrs Hart called out to her children as she and her husband came down the stairs, holding a lot of luggage. This was the sitch; they were going away for a couple of days and even though Henry was a very responsible young man and had never let them down in the past, they still felt that their home needed some adult supervision. That's where (y/n) came in.

Now, she wasn't exactly their first choice, come on, they weren't very close and the young woman always hesitated to go to the house since she was highly aware that her soon-to-be husband had a thing for Henry's mom. They'd called family, friends, neighbours, but coincidentally, they'd all been busy with holidays, work or their weekend plans, so they'd gradually worked their way to the bottom of the list. And with a recommendation from Henry, how could they go wrong?

She was flattered, really she was, but (y/n) was a bit nervous. After all, she barely knew these people except for Piper and Henry, she may or may not have some disdain for his hot mother and she'd never watched over someone's house for them. At the start, she was sure that Henry would do a fine job in keeping himself and Piper alive and their home not on fire for two days, but then when she was offered twenty dollars an hour just to sit on her ass and watch some kids, she quickly changed her tune.

Hell yeah, twenty an hour? She'd be raking it in and even if she had to rearrange a few plans and fight Ray off as he begged her not to get into the elevator, she was gonna do it. It was hard to leave the comfort of the Man Cave and her adorable doofus behind but if she thought of this as a vacation, a weekend to recharge her batteries in different surroundings, it wasn't too bad, at least, that's what she kept telling herself.

"'Kay, bye!"

"Okay, later. See ya..." The teens weren't interested at all, they just wanted to finish their equations and giraffe picture. Honestly, they thought this was gonna be great; (y/n) wasn't strict or severe, more responsible in a cool way and they weren't dreading her housesitting, they were looking forward to it. And that's why they didn't care about their parents leaving because they were boring and old.

"Piper, come help me with the luggage!" Mr Hart ordered his daughter from across the room. He was feeling brave today, giving her instructions like that, or maybe he just didn't want to get his suit all sweaty since his wife had packed everything but the kitchen sink it seemed like.

"Ugh, why can't Henry or (y/n) help you? He's the boy and she's a grown-up!" Piper argued back, wishing that they'd just leave already so she could get her school work done.

"Because your father has to give them instructions for while we're out of town." Mrs Hart's tone was final and firm, meaning Piper begrudgingly got up from her seat and plodded across the room to help her dad, leaving (y/n) and Henry at the table. Right, the woman had to earn her twenty dollars an hour and she wasn't gonna get a cent if something or someone was broken.

"Good evening, Mr Hart." (y/n) smiled at the man politely, knowing she had to be on her best behaviour until they left. Once they were gone, that was a different story, although she wasn't the type to party and trash the place.

"Hello, Miss (y/l/n)--" Jake began, already feeling like he was leaving his house in safe hands. From his past dealings with Henry's boss, he knew that she was a very nice girl and even if she hadn't been their first choice, he knew that his kids wouldn't mess about with her since Henry said she was great and to his amazement, Piper seemed to like her. How she managed to pull that off he had no idea.

"Oh, (y/n), please. I'm not that fancy."

"(y/n)...are you sure you're gonna be all right here with Henry and Piper?" It was best to ask, of course. He didn't want to overwhelm the poor girl and if she needed any help, they were a mere phone call away. After all, he'd seen the size of her fiancé and he didn't want to be on the wrong side of him at all.

"Oh, yeah, I'll be fine, they're great kids. And if I need anything, I've got you and your wife's numbers." (y/n) promised and offered him a reassuring expression. Rule one, don't let anything get broken. Rule two, don't let Henry and Piper fight. Rule three, no parties. Rule four, don't touch anything unless necessary. Rule five--and so forth. She had it all planned out in that tidy brain of hers and if there was one thing she could do, it was manage someone else's place. Hell, she'd been running a secret hideout for years, how much different was a house?

"Great. Okay, Henry, pick up your phone." And this was where Henry got his instructions. He was gonna be like the second-in-command. Piper was a handful, his parents knew that and even if (y/n) got on with her, they still wanted their son to be vigilant since he was getting to the age where they should've been able to trust him. The woman needed guidance and they wanted him to give it to her...responsibly.

"I'm sorry, what?" Still, it was quite a strange instruction.

"Your phone! I have instructions for you and I want you to get them on video." But when Mr Hart put it like that, it did kinda make sense. He wanted insurance from his own child--a teenager--that was smart. Well, Henry wasn't exactly the typical teen, he only had two friends and he focused on his work more than anything, but still. When the cat is away, the mice will play.

"All right, I'll shoot a video." The boy sighed and got his PearPhone prepared as his dad got camera-ready, (y/n) still sat in between them. Why was this necessary? "Okay, go!"

"Hi, my name is Jake "Dad" Hart. Now, Henry, your mom and I will be in Toronto for three days. Now, follow me, you too, Miss (y/n). I wanna show you both something. Come this way..." Mr Hart smiled at them mysteriously and after sharing a puzzled yet suspicious look, the two complied, following him to the decorative shelving in the middle of the room, the one that separated the kitchen from the sitting area.

Each compartment was filled with books, knickknacks, a few family photos that (y/n) found adorable, just the general stuff that a family would display in their home - and that included Mr Hart's pride and joy.

"Okay, see this?" He showed them a small toy car, all shiny with its silver chassis polished to perfection and even though (y/n) knew nothing about its significance, she could make an educated guess. It was well looked after and the kind of thing that seemed ridiculous to most considering that it was a child's plaything by all accounts, but she knew it was much more than that. From her experience with her man-child, this wasn't a toy, this was a "collectable", or what normal people called a toy for grown men.

"Yes, I see it."

"It is right there in your hands, sir." They confirmed, eyeing the car with cautious gazes. Yeah, man-babies are protective of their "collectables", especially when they have some ludicrous explanation why no one can touch them, use them or even look at them without explicit permission.

"This is my vintage remote control sports car from the late nineteen-hundreds." Mr Hart's eyes flickered over it like it was his third child or something and that just confirmed her suspicion. No doubt about it, this was one of those and Henry wasn't impressed. At all.

"Wow."

"This is not a toy." There it was, the old saying, right up there with midlife crisis and receding hairlines; the epitome of the middle-aged man. However, even though smiles did threaten to worm their way on their faces, Henry and (y/n) did not break their stony expressions, no matter how amusing his dad was being because sheesh. If looks could kill...

"That is literally a toy." The kid did have a point though. It was just a toy, probably a rare and expensive one, but still. The difference between it and a Barbie doll was just that one was meant for little kids and the other one was meant for big kids...or maybe idiots with credit cards. Who knows.

"While your mom and I are gone, you are not to play with my car." The instruction was clear from the man, no car-playing, message received if a little unnecessary. If she wanted to, (y/n) could go and play with an actual car, a big one with horsepower, not My Little Pony power. Same for Henry, he was way past the "I-see-I-grab-I-ruin" stage, meaning he wasn't a child anymore. He had much better things to do.

"I don't wanna play with it..."

"Play-o, no-no."

"Don't-o, want to." With that settled, Mr Hart then directed his eyes at (y/n) as she shuffled nervously, wondering why all the attention was now on her. Had she broken a rule before they had even left?

"And Miss (y/n), if my car gets broken, you won't get paid tonight or any other night. Not one dollar." Mr Hart told the woman gravely, who was starting to understand just how deep this infatuation with man-child toys went for middle-aged men, but she nodded solemnly all the same. As well as not wanting a stain on her squeaky-clean record, she also didn't want to spend time away from home and her hot fiancé for nothing, she wanted that coin. No car, got it.

"I understand, Mr Hart. No one will touch your to--car."

"Fine. Now, I think your mother has something she wants to tell you." The man moved on, confusing (y/n) for a moment until she realised that he'd turned back to his son, who sighed and looked at the open door, expecting to see his mom there. In the time they had been talking, she'd silently crossed the room and was now standing in the kitchen in all her hotness. Jealousy was an ugly thing yet (y/n) could understand why some men found her attractive, she could almost justify it if it didn't leave a bitter taste settled on her tongue.

Couldn't she have a bad hair day once? Or catch bubonic plague on the off chance that Ray stopped by to "check-up" on the Hart family?

"Oh, Henry, (y/n), over here!" She called out to them and they quickly angled the camera in her direction so they could get whatever rule she had on video. And this one was gonna be crazy because why else would she behold a goddamn egg?

"Oh, hey, Mom..."

"Now, Henry, I assume you know what this is." The hot mom started, holding the pale, ovoid thing in between her index finger and thumb. Well, duh, he knew what it was, he had them for breakfast nearly every day but something about her face told him that this was gonna be a lot more serious than most people would deem it.

"It's an egg, Mrs Hart." Well, gold star for (y/n), top of the class as always.

"This is an egg."

"My deductive reasoning wins again." The woman laughed to herself and Henry shared in her jokey smile, thinking that this was a joking matter, but their grins died down when his mother refused to break her sombre mood. Was it a special egg? Did it come from a lucky chicken? Was the egg the answer to world peace?

"It's hardboiled. Do not eat this egg." Right, no car, no egg, understood. Henry wasn't feeling particularly eggish and (y/n) wasn't a big fan of eggs anyway.

"All right..."

"Don't even touch it." Yeah, like a teenage boy and a grown woman went around feeling up eggs. Honestly, what did they think was gonna happen once they tootled off to the land of moose and maple syrup? Throw the damn thing at the car? "We don't wanna touch it..."

"And (y/n), if anything happens to this egg--"

"I won't get paid, I know. Mr Hart already gave me the drill, so trust me, no one is touching the car or the egg." (y/n) nodded assuredly, giving Mrs Hart a tight smile. Not that she was in the habit of pissing off her employers unless you count Ray, but he wasn't really an employer at this point and she wasn't an employee, more like someone who turned up one day and the rest was happily ever after.

However, Henry's mom was starting to bug her a bit, call it unresolved beef or a simmering tension but she wasn't a child - she didn't need a lecture, lord knows she'd attended enough of those to know how to do a job properly.

"Good."

"Good for all of us." Henry smiled back at his mother with uneasiness plastered across his cheeks and he patted his friend on the back as the interrogation was over and Mrs Hart went to put her precious egg back in the fridge. She probably had biometric security on the thing to protect it, not that anyone would ever steal it or know what they were looking for.

"Okay, Henry, Miss (y/n)!" And there was Mr Hart, not with instructions this time, thank God, but still, there was something he wanted and the kid was still recording. Something they'd missed?

"Yeah, dad?"

"Mr Hart?"

"While we're gone, no parties." Well, that's more like it. That's more like what (y/n) had been expecting; she'd watched enough crappy romcoms about college students living it up on campus and throwing parties in their parents' house to know that life sometimes truly imitates art - and it gets ugly.

Tee-peed everything, holes in walls, naked people in the guest bedroom, a bathtub full of cheap beer, looted jewellery, vomit in every plant pot and unspeakable little presents left behind in the beds since the toilet gets clogged with trash. Any homeowner's worst nightmare and for the next few days, she would be the proud defender, the guard standing by their castle. That's what most housesitters and teensitters have to do.

"I won't have any parties."

"If he even thinks of the word "party", I will make him regret it, Mr Hart." And she wasn't kidding, not if the stern, squinted look she threw Henry meant anything. Come on, twenty bucks an hour over three days, that was gonna be one hell of a payday if she did everything right and she kinda needed the money or at least, she wanted it. Badly.

"The only guests you're allowed to have in this house are Miss (y/n), obviously, Charlotte and Jasper....actually, just Charlotte." Mr Hart corrected himself after a few minutes of thinking. Having known the boy since he was a small child, he knew all about Jasper and the chaos that ensued when he was around, plus he just had a general dislike for the kid, so he wasn't welcome in his home.

"So, how are you guys getting to the airport?" Henry asked, trying to work it all out in his head. A taxi would be too expensive, especially if his parents were already paying (y/n), and they could drive themselves because that would mean having to pay to park at the airport, so, where did that leave them?

"Piper's driving us!" Child labour. That's how.

"'Cause I have a driver's license!" The girl smiled into the camera and flashed the fake I.D that had been sent to her so long ago. At least it felt like so long ago and practically everyone knew about it know, except for the government, but that was the whole point.

"Yeah, which they sent you by mistake," Henry argued, trying to gain the argumentative high ground since he was a teeny bit jealous that his sister could drive and was good at it. Sure, she was a bit heavy-footed with the accelerator but in a pinch, it was super useful.

"Still valid!" She growled and put her beloved license back into her bag as Charlotte of all people walked up next to her, which Henry hadn't been expecting. (y/n), being the superheroine badass with all the super-spy knowledge stuff that she'd acquired and what they'd just told her anyway, knew why they were there, but he didn't and certainly not smiling at his sister.

"Oh, hey, Henry! Hi, (y/n)!" The teen girl smiled and waved at the camera, behind which Henry pulled a confused expression.

"Oh, hey, what are you doing here?"

"After I drop mom and dad off at the airport, we're gonna go see a movie. (y/n) was gonna come but she bailed to stay here with you." And the secret was revealed. Piper looked at her brother with an accusing stare because little did many people know, but this wasn't a new thing. The girls made up a friendship group and the youngest sure didn't like it when her nice, older lady friend was taken away by someone like her dumb brother or that dopey fiancé of hers, even if they were couple goals.

Ever since that day when they went to see Galaxy Wars, way back when (y/n) would've disintegrated into atoms if someone told her that one day she'd be engaged to Ray Manchester, they'd been enjoying time with each other, like a small girl squad. The Man Cave was fun and all but sometimes, the woman and Charlotte needed to get out and Piper was a lovely girl when not being pressured to be the "it girl" for social media.

"With Piper?!" Henry couldn't believe it and under his very nose. Why his sister? She was so mean and spiteful and horrible, and they...weren't. He couldn't think of any reason why they'd want to be friends with her, let alone spend time and money with her.

"Yes. We work with all boys, y'know, we're outnumbered. Sometimes, we need a break." (y/n) answered snappily, not liking what the boy was implying. Going out with them was fun, no matter what he said, she enjoyed it, they all did, no matter what he said. They split the bill, they saw a good movie, they chatted about everything from boys, to the engagement, to bitches in school, to celebrity gossip. What was not to love?

"Speaking of, you sure you don't wanna come with us, (y/n/n)? You can probably buy a ticket when you get there..." Piper asked the woman, hoping that her last-ditch attempt to bring her on board would work. Her house was so boring, her brother was so dull, why would she come and hang with the girls? Didn't she want to tell them all about her wedding plans and get mercilessly teased about how when she started talking about him she couldn't stop?

"I'm getting paid twenty dollars for every hour I watch this house. Trust me, you two go, I'll be fine and the next movie is on me." (y/n) smiled at them, knowing that whilst the offer sounded lovely a chance to express her deep and profound love for her soulmate without hearing groans or remarks of disgust, she couldn't accept. Something about needing to save for a wedding, minus the tickets and snacks ...

"Okay, Henry, (y/n). Well, we better go so we don't miss our plane." Mrs Hart stated as she returned from her eggscapades in the kitchen and smiled up at her husband. Those two were tricky to read: were they or love or weren't they?

"Shotgun!"

"Hey! I called shotgun!" Yeah, (y/n) thought they were. Only idiots in love acted like children, even if they were a little distant sometimes and perhaps a bit too hot towards other men.

"Bye, (y/n)! See ya, Hen!"

"Dummy...stole my friend." Charlotte waved to her friends as she followed a stomping Piper out of the door. Eh, she'd cheer up once they were at the movie theatre and if not, (y/n) would make sure the next was so brilliant, it was sure to make up for it.

Right, that's that. Parents in the car, daughter off to the cinema with a reliable friend, housesitting starts now. (y/n) carefully scanned the room for every detail, every little niggling thing that her temporary employers might pick up on if they got back and it was out of place. From now on she wasn't going to relax, but she sure as hell was on century duty, which begged the question--

"So, what do you wanna do now?" And Henry had some ideas. Or one, specifically one.

~Ten minutes later~

Now, Henry's idea of a relaxing time was not what (y/n) had been expecting, not at all. Screw video games or a movie, he opted to eat first, which wasn't so weird to think about until she was sitting with the kid at the kitchen table with a large, skewered corn on the cob placed in front of her, all buttery and perfectly boiled to eat, plus, a can of Wahoo Punch. Not her go-to meal but still, not too bad...until Henry made it weird.

"You're a real freak, do you know that?" She told the boy jokingly as she watched him place a single ice cube in his glass as if he was pouring himself a fine scotch whisky or something and then, this was the revolting part, started with sweet tea. And he was having both the tea and the punch in some crazy cocktail that frankly nauseated the woman next to him. It was like a quarter punch, three-quarters tea, just enough to turn the liquid into a deep rust colour and it was one of his habits that she'd never get over.

"Don't knock it till you try it," Henry smirked and took a long sip of his perfected beverage, appreciating the blend of flavours that seemed to work so well for him. This was what he wanted, a nice, quiet evening with one of his calmer friends, a tasty snack and no parents to bother him and it was all going so well until an unwanted intruder burst onto the scene.

"Hiya, Henry! Oh, hey, (y/n)!" Jasper slapped his hands down onto their shoulders, causing Henry's tea-punch to erupt in a comical spit-take as (y/n) chocked on corn. Thank god for super-regeneration, otherwise, Jasper would have been hunted down by Captain Man until the end of the Earth.

Seriously, what was he doing here? The two stood up in surprise, thinking for a split second that burglars or mad strangers were trying to attack them but then they looked at their assailant and were filled with irritation and shock. Of course, it was Jasper, who else would sneak up on them like that and go in for such a heavy-handed approach?

"Dude, what the-- How'd you enter my house and why would you do that?!" Henry exclaimed in anger whilst (y/n) gulped down some Wahoo Punch to clear her throat, but to Jasper, there was no big deal, no panic and certainly no concern about nearly killing two of his closest friends via heart attacks.

"Well, I waited until your parents were in their car, then I crawled through your window and waited until your mouths were full of liquid and food!" The boy explained happily, making their eyebrows furrow in confusion at how he simply didn't care. All he did was swipe Henry's cocktail as (y/n) began to scold him for being so weird and reckless, after all, scaring the shit out of people is thirsty work.

"Okay, Curly, normal guys don't do those things." She told him, trying to be as gentle as possible since she didn't want to hurt his feelings even though he needed to hear her advice. And she was almost certain that some guys did pull pranks like that, hell, she'd place money on her fiancé being one of those impish maniacs, but Jasper didn't need to know that, not when he already seemed so cocky at being able to spook two sidekicks. They'd faced the scummiest scum that had ever been scum on the planet and yet he scared them, the rush of pride was immense.

"Ah, true 'dat!"

Uh, my drink..." Henry limply pointed at his glass as Jasper took a large swig and fouled the sweet combination by tainting it with his saliva and mouth germs. Well, he wouldn't be drinking any more of that, thanks to him, but they were quickly drawn away from that problem as Jasper set out his ulterior motive for his so-called friendly visit to the Harts' residence.

"So, you ready?"

"For what?" Henry and (y/n) eyed him suspiciously, not knowing what he was referring to or what he was up to but they didn't like it. What happened to the peace from before? Couldn't they have that back instead of this headache?

"Fun! Crazy, weird, teenage fun!" Jasper cheered and revealed the first part of his "let's have fun whilst Henry's parents aren't here" plan. Oh no, definitely not, not on (y/n)'s watch. Now, it wasn't like she wanted to be a stick in the mud, she hated to be the one to kill the joy but fun sounded messy and dangerous and reckless, the sort of activity where things would get smashed and damaged beyond repair to the point where she'd be the one paying Mr and Mrs Hart at the end of their trip, not the other way around.

"Jasper, whatever you're planning on doing, don't because--why do you have a boom box?"

"Where are you going with my corn? Where are you going with my corn?" They watched in confusion as the teen left his small yet stupidly powerful speakers on the kitchen island facing the couch and then walked towards the sitting area, leaving them to wonder what the hell he was doing.

Firstly, he was ignoring (y/n)'s instructions, which normally wouldn't go down very well, but there was no Ray here, he could do what he wanted. And secondly, he'd again stolen something from Henry, for reasons yet to be revealed, not that they could do anything about it.

"Just get ready to hit play," Jasper instructed them and marched over to behind the couch as Henry continued to lament about his stolen snack, but that was soon put into perspective when Jasper started shuffling awkwardly and looked at them with a fierce gaze as if he was about to do something incredibly brave and stupid.

"All right..." He nodded and (y/n) tapped the play button and a funky if a little tinny, piano beat started to ring out from the speakers, and dear sweet lord, she wished immediately that she hadn't done so. Taking the first note as his queue, Jasper leapt onto the couch from behind, revealing to Henry's horror and (y/n)'s mortified blushes that he'd removed his pants and was intent on dancing on the damn thing, using the corn as a fucking microphone. Jeez, had he been sniffing something?

"Shake it! Like you're never gonna break it!--" The music faded into a rock classic that normally would've rendered them dancing along with Jasper like they were young and free without a care in the world...if only this didn't feel so wrong and weird. Jasper, the cute, awkward kid that (y/n) had watched grow up was prancing around in bright red, baggy, glittery boxers like an idiot, throwing the corn at Henry and splashing his drink like he'd lost control of his inhibitions. She did not need to see this...

"Oh my god, if I watch any more of this, I will be put on some sort of list..." She muttered and swiftly turn her back on the screen and screwed her eyes shut, not wanting to get a glance at something scarring. Henry could have the show, she could happily live her life without it, especially at how...icky it made her feel.

Even for Henry, it was weird; he'd seen Jasper do a lot of insane shit, but this was one of the worst, particularly when he collapsed onto the cushions and began to wriggle and squirm like he was having some kind of inappropriate fit.

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Stop, oh my god, stop!" Henry barked at his friend and silenced the blasting music, having seen enough of Jasper "thinks he's Channing Tatum" Dunlop's performance for one lifetime. Never again would he let his poor eyes see that, even if the image was permanently tattooed onto his frontal lobe.

"What's wrong?" And the hilarious or...worrying thing was that Jasper didn't find any fault in what he'd done and couldn't think of any reason to explain why Henry was pulling such a disgusted face or why (y/n) had her face and scarlet cheeks hidden by her hands.

"That activity you're doing to my couch..."

"Yeah, what about it?" Seriously? Did he find nothing strange about the past few minutes? Not the sparkly red shorts that were so damn short they should've been illegal - honestly, they'd put Daisy Duke to shame. Not the dancing, not the corn-stealing, not the gyrations because what else could they be called? Was none of that weird to him?

"Dude, (y/n) is in the room! Don't do it anymore!" Henry protested, gesturing to the woman standing behind him, who still refused to look. It felt wrong like if anyone found out she'd be chased through town followed by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks, but Jasper didn't mind. (y/n) was like the big sister he'd never had and at this point, she was one of the lads, a member of his crew. They were all friends here...

"Duuuuuuuuuude!"

"That was a long 'dude'," Henry commented as Jasper threw his head back and groaned. This kid needed education on learning to let go of society's boundaries and bullshit expectations. Sometimes, Henry Hart just needed to let go.

"Come here. You too, (y/n), come here!" Jasper hissed, beckoning them over like he was about to tell them some revolutionary, top-secret information that could only be divulged to their ears. But Henry and (y/n) were a little apprehensive - what if he started dancing again?

"Are you sure it's safe? If I look, am I going to see something I don't want to see?" The woman asked jokingly as Henry reluctantly led her over to Jasper by putting his hand in the crook of her arm and it was only when they were within touching distance that she dared to peek past her fingers. Okay, he was still clothed--only just-- but she could handle the hot pants, just as long as his hips stayed stationary. Jasper put his arm around Henry, who looked quite pale as his fingers clenched around his glass like he was fearing the worst.

"Your parents are in Toronto...all right, that's practically another country." Oh, this kid. He was cute but so...challenged. Still, his friends humoured him and chose to ignore his geographical error in favour of getting to the bottom of whatever the hell he was trying to say.

"Yeah..."

"They've left y/n) in charge of the house..." At least that one was true, however, it didn't reveal any more about what the point of all of this was. Of course, Henry already knew this, it had been drilled into him over the past week or so and he had it on video just in case he somehow forgot. It all seemed so futile.

"Sometimes, you just gotta say...rubber duck."

"Oh, not this shit again." (y/n) groaned as she heard the method behind Jasper's madness. It was this newfangled philosophy of his and he'd constantly used it around her in the Man Cave as an excuse. Spill her ice cream? Rubber duck. Break the supercomputer. Rubber duck. Get tricked into giving a conniving old lady a lamp for free in Junk-N-Stuff? Rubber damn duck.

"Why would I say rubber duck?" Henry asked in confusion, looking at them as if they were aliens. He'd never heard of this dogma before and found it strange, weird, crazy. It was just so random, so Jasper and he felt like he was on the outside of some inside joke or knowledge between them because when they were at work, it's not like he saw Jasper a lot. He didn't go up to monitor the boy in the store like (y/n) did or go to fix the things he broke so their interactions were few and far between. And that had led to some odd things occurring that she had been privy to and not him.

"'Cause! Rubber duck sets you free! It's a way of saying, hey world, I'm gonna have fun! And I don't care what happens...a rubber duck!" Jasper growled into his ear, trying to seem like some shaman imparting his wisdom onto a mere student, one who hadn't yet reached the enlightenment that came from the mystical bath toy known as a rubber duck. That sounded like some hippie bullshit to Henry, who was puzzled by the need to blur simple language with such a strange phrase as (y/n) pinched the bridge of her nose.

Again, not to be a stick in the mud, but in her mind, this rubber duck nonsense was just a way of letting idiots use their get-out-of-jail-free cards when they got into trouble for being too rowdy. And to her, that wasn't cool, that was just irritating to an adult like her who usually had to deal with the aftermath.

"Couldn't I just say that without the rubber duck part?"

"Or not say it at all because it's dumb?" Henry and (y/n) argued and the latter was at least partially happy that Henry wasn't completely sold by the idea, but if Jasper had his way then by the end of the night, he'd be saying it too. And that's what she was dreading; a two-against-one situation.

"No," Jasper replied firmly and took Henry's tea-punch combo away from him because y'know, best buds share everything and it wasn't like (y/n) could complain since she was a renowned beverage thief, even if she only stole from one doofus in particular. And before either of them could complain any further, the doorbell rang, signalling that the night was still young and many more people/challenges were ready to put the woman's housesitting skills to the test.

Just her damn luck.

"Huh, I wonder that is..." She wondered, eyeing the door with shifty eyes, similar to Henry since both of them knew that they hadn't ordered takeout just yet and there were no deliveries scheduled for the next few days just in case taking in a package was too much for the poor, weak dear that Mr and Mrs Hart had left in charge.

"You'll see..." Jasper, on the other hand, had a shit-eating grin on his face and was looking remarkably shifty as he sipped on his friend's drink and they quickly guessed that he was up to something. They knew a kid with something to hide when they saw one and slowly, they approached the door, too curious to know what was on the other side of the wood to leave the person on the doorstep.

"All right, since I'm in charge, I'll get the door and Jasper, for the love of God, please put some pants on!" (y/n) told the kid strictly, pointing at his exposed legs and shuddering by the glittering fabric that only just covered the top of them. Honestly, she didn't know if she'd ever be able to see the same sweet soul as she did before but a good way to fix it would be to start with hiding away what should have never been seen.

"Rubber duck!" Or not. There was that dumb phrase again, causing her and the blonde boy next to her to turn and flash their serious eyes at him since this was a rubber duck moment - not that they knew what one of those was.

"Stop saying that!" She snapped, giving him a flash of the anger that rarely rose within her. She very rarely got sharp with the kids, usually, they were angels and sometimes it was easy to forget that Jasper and Henry were teenagers and boys. That made them a bit dumb and arrogant and argumentative, ready for a challenge since they suddenly discovered that they liked biting back, even if they were outmatched. Still, she could keep them in line just about and with him backing off, she opened the door to a new problem.

"Hello, are you Henry? I'm looking for Henry." A chubby man stated as she held the door open and stared at him blankly as he did to her. What the--where had he come from? And since when did she look like a Henry? Why was he at the door? Didn't he know that she had been praying to every god in existence to strike every unwanted visitor with lightning so she wouldn't have to deal with them?

"I am obviously not a Henry." She replied, hoping that the guy would break a smile or move or hell, breathe to show that he was alive and not a wax model, but she got very little in return. The only sign of life was one singular blink, so slow he'd put a sloth to shame, which got even worse when he began to speak again in that monotone drawl of his.

"Are you sure?"

"Uh, yeah, pretty sure and I hope that's what it says here." (y/n) gestured to her face and how she was obviously not the teen boy this man was looking for, but her sarcastic tone did nothing to inspire some energy into him. He ould be a robot, that would explain the slow, drawn-out breaths, or her could be a nutter, that would just about explain everything.

"Uh, no, she's not--I'm Hen...ro." And like her saving grace, Henry was by her side quickly--as soon as he heard his name being mentioned--and now, it was his turn to talk to the guy who thought a beige, suede, unbuttoned waistcoat would go well with a plaid shirt. At first, he was gonna say his name, he didn't see the harm in confirming his identity, but then that paranoid little corner of his brain whispered to him that if this guy was an axe-wielding maniac, would he want him to know who he was if he'd been sent to kill him or something? Definitely not.

"Sounds pretty close to Henry." However, for a man who was pretty slow at speaking, their visitor wasn't too bad at spotting a poor lie, causing Henry to awkwardly smile as he debated just slamming the door in his face.

"Right, but it's different....'cause the O part." Oh, this was painful to hear and watch and (y/n) decided that she couldn't take anymore as she endured Henry's terrible performance, only to hear Jasper sniggering to himself in the background.

"Okay, 'scuse us just a sec..." She gave the man a bright yet false smile as she closed the door in his face, figuring that if Henry was too chicken to do it, then she'd be the one to step forward and give them time to grill Jasper. And grill him they did.

"Who is that guy? What does he want with me?"

"Why is that man at the door? Is he a serial killer? Please tell me he's not a serial killer!" They bombarded Jasper with questions as soon as the wood was in the hole and he scoffed at their worrying, thinking that they were getting way too excited over the little surprise he'd arranged. It wasn't that deep, to be honest, and to him, they were just being ridiculous, especially with the serial killer thing, though, the guy definitely looked like a lumberjack who strangled people in the woods.

"He's not a serial killer, (y/n/n)! I booked us manis!" He grinned, watching as their faces screwed up in thought. Come on, he thought it would be nice, just two guys and one gal getting their nails done because cuticle care is important and maybe it would soften the caretaker of the house up a bit; he was no stranger to the fact that she loved a good manicure since they made her fiancé coo over her shiny nails for days on end - how could she say no?

"What?!" Or, how could they say that?

"That guy does manicures!" He explained, causing the pair to pause. Seriously, the guy at the door did people's nails all fancy and stuff? Talk about confusing appearances...

"Wait, do you mean that that man out there, the one who looks like he would bake all three of us into a pie, he does things to fingernails?... And I don't mean retaining them as keepsakes from his victims..." (y/n) asked, peeking past Jasper's body to see the guy through the glass panel of the door. Jeez, if his skills were correlated to the shock of his job and looks, then he should be a damn good nail tech.

"Yeah, he works at the salon my mom goes to once a year." Ah, yes, the elusive Mrs Dunlop. The woman (y/n) had never met but had heard so much about and none of those whispers into her ears were good. Deep down, she couldn't find it in herself to trust the salon frequented by the woman who by all accounts was a massive weirdo. And she wasn't the only one...

Okay, what makes you think that I would want him to do our nails?!" Henry exclaimed, backing his older friend all the way because what the hell? That guy looked like he could eat him whole and then come back for créme-de-(y/n) or (y/n)-style cheesecake.

"Rubber duck!" Oh, give them strength, he was saying it again!

"That's a bad answer! You can't go through life using a random phrase to excuse every dumb decision you make! Tell him to leave!" (y/n) ordered him, well, politely yet firmly instructed him. Sure, getting a French manicure did sound nice and it would be extra fun to go home and surprise Ray with a fresh set that would make him "ooh!' and "ahh!' over her, but it made her nervous. So damn nervous because this wasn't her house and letting strangers in was against the rules given to her.

"Why should I leave?" Suddenly, the mystery man appeared behind her and Henry and spoke into their ears because that wasn't psychopathic at all. No superhero training could've prepared them for it, not when they suspected him of being a wrong'un and as such, the boy and woman hit the deck with embarrassing squeaks, kinda like small mammals that play dead instead of fighting or fleeing.

"Came in through the back door..." He told them as they sprang back up instantly, already feeling pretty foolish and if the nutjob did strike, then they wanted to be ready to sacrifice Jasper to save their own skins; y'know since it was his idea to invite a madman to the house.

"Okay, sir, I don't mean to be rude, but, uh, I was told by this boy's parents to not let any strangers---" (y/n) began explaining as nicely as she could, hoping that if she was kind and polite, she'd get to keep her head attached to her body, but it seemed like the dude hadn't come alone. And his partner was Leatherface or Freddy Krueger, far from it, the second nail tech was a heartbreakingly pretty young girl, close to the boys' age and for Henry, it was love at first sight.

"Hey...so, whose nails am I doing?" She asked with a flirtatious smile and her hand on a jutted hip. Damn, (y/n) would never get to finish her kick-the-weirdo-out speech because for a babe with luscious blonde hair, big blue eyes and a cute dress like that, Henry would do anything. Screw the murderer man, he wanted that girl to touch his hands and stare into his soul and he wasn't shy about or tactile.

"Mine! Me! Henry! Or Henro, doesn't matter, please do my nails!" Wow, that was subtle, definitely not hilarious for his friends to watch. To be fair to him, he hadn't exactly lucked out in the romance department recently, considering that the last time he showed an interest in a girl, he never heard from her again and what with his Kid Danger duties, he wasn't getting many offers. This angel of a girl had been placed on his doorstep for a reason and he was gonna get his nails done and get her number...or die trying.

"Look, kid, I know you're desperate, but think your mom and dad's--" (y/n) tried to lure him out of whatever rose-tinted love-fest was going on in his mind, but it was foolish to think that she could lure a teenage boy away from a pretty young female.

"Rubber duck!" And she was left speechless and Jasper was left reeling as he not only left her to warmly welcome the girl into his house, ensuring that he subtly touched the smooth skin of her arm as he did, but he'd also fallen into the dumb trap set by his best friend. Come on, his resilience was pathetic.

"Y'know, I swear I saw something like this on the nature channel once. Something about birds or wildebeest going all goo-goo-eyed for a girl." (y/n) said grumpily, blowing a piece of hair out of her eyes as she and Jasper watched Henry turn up the charm. The girl was allowed to set up her nail things on the coffee table, in fact, she could probably get away with anything when Henry was concerned. He was utterly and totally smitten.

"You mean like the way you and Ray are with each other?" Jasper smirked, chuckling when her mouth opened and closed several times like a goldfish. Damn, checkmate...and it was Jasper Dunlop who rendered her without an argument for the first time in a while.

Well, this was cosy. As (y/n) admired her glossy French set whilst they dried, Jasper was getting sat with the lumberjack, who turned out to not be an axe-wielding maniac, just a bit weird. Sure, it was a bit awkward to sit and say nothing as the man filed, buffed and painted, which was a bit unnatural for a nail tech, but he'd done a good job and the woman was very thankful because her hands were now perfectly soft and so pretty. Ray would definitely approve and now, it was Henry's turn.

The boy was sitting on the couch, minding his own business and all the while, he was unaware that he was being hunted. The blonde beauty crossed the room, eyeing him with a mischievous smirk as she stood in front of the fireplace and put her hand on her hip. This kid was cute, she was cute and she wanted to see how flustered he got when she was holding his hands and face-to-face.

"Okay, Henry. I'm ready to do your nails." She said in a soft, alluring tone and the boy stood up with a gormless expression on his face. This wasn't exactly Henry's territory, he had no idea what to do in any manicure situation, let alone one with a girl as pretty as her. Speaking of the girl, as she bent over to rifle through her mobile nail bar case, Henry found himself at somewhat of a loss and extremely nervous, so he did what he thought made sense and offered his hands out to her, just y'know, as he stood next to her. Awkward...

"Do--do we stand? Do I give you my--I don't know what to do." Yeah, he was clueless, but it was also so damn adorable to witness. Since she wasn't exactly busy, just in the drying stage, (y/n) had all the time in the world to observe them as her friend got all sweaty and rubbed his fingers together; this was romcom shit, her kind of entertainment and it was live, almost as if she'd crawled inside her TV and was witnessing the boy meets girl stage. It felt real, and then the music started...

"The first time I saw you, I already knew that you could be mine and I was open for you. Then you took my hand and the sparks that went flying through the air..." Seriously, it couldn't have been more perfect as the two sat down and began to smile at each other with the kind of butterflies in their stomachs that only came from a teen crush. She held his hands so gently and didn't even comment on how they trembled from the anticipation - why did he mock the Man Cave couple again?

"I like you and you like me, together we could be. I bet you would like it, yeah, bet you would like it..." Okay, Jasper had been right, this was a great idea.

The nail techs were no trouble at all for (y/n) as she sat back and read an outdated magazine she'd found in a cupboard; Henry and the blonde, who'd been identified as Layla, were getting on like a house on fire, swapping hushed giggles that were kept secret from everyone else, whilst Jasper laughed it up with her colleague, also known as Zack. It turns out that an odd boy and an odd man have a lot in common, so the house was cheerful yet peaceful for quite a while until a rather spooky incident occurred.

Out of nowhere, the door suddenly blew open, a new phenomenon that took everyone by surprise since a load of leaves were blown in at the same time. Weird, it hadn't been blustery earlier and the weather hadn't forecasted a storm, so they couldn't place a finger on why the door would swing open like that, but then, it all became clear. Doors only open with human intervention...

"Jasper, turn off the music!" Henry called to the boy as (y/n) left her magazine for later and stood up to go and investigate. If anyone was gonna take on a weirdo at the door, it might as well be her since she would recover from the mad strangling, even if it would be difficult to explain away. Jesus, the leaves were everywhere, no doubt something for her to clean up since Mr and Mrs Hart couldn't come home to a mess, that would just be sloppy.

"Okay, why did that door just blow open?" Henry asked (y/n) as she edged closer, but it was difficult to hear anything over all the noise, which seemed to be getting louder and louder like someone had turned a vacuum cleaner on right next to her ear.

"What did you sa--doofus?" (y/n)'s fists clenched and her eyes started to sparkle as the mystery was solved when Ray of all people came strolling through the door with a huge leaf blower in his hands.

Okay, she didn't know why he was at Henry's house, but how could she send him away when he was looking so hot? His shirt was perfect, a classic Manchester special--cinched in at the waist and deliciously tight around his biceps. His hair was styled but not overly so, still floppy enough for her to run her fingers through, especially that one strand that never seemed to stay gelled with the rest. He was a goddamn vision, a sight for sore eyes and a very pleasant surprise.

"Hey, sweet girl! Hey, Henry! Look at my new leaf blower!" The man shouted at them excitedly as he trusted the device at them, no doubt knocking a load of stuff over with the powerful gales conjured by his new toy, but he was just too happy to be with his darling girl and best friend again. There was only so much Schwoz and Charlotte smartassery that a man could take and he thought his fiancée might like a little visit since it had been a whole three hours since he'd last seen her.

The leaf blower thing was just a cover, but they didn't need to know that.

"It's cordless...No cord!" He grinned at them, making (y/n) struggle to hide her smile at how dumb he was. Yeah, that's what he'd been missing, her smile and even more the way she giggled at his goofy ways as he finally turned the thing off and offered an arm out to her - an invitation for her to jump into his arms.

"That's nice, sweetheart..." She grinned at him and rested her hands on his cheeks as they leaned in for a gentle kiss, a welcome greeting after not seeing each other for a while.

She was staying the night here, had arrived at the house armed with a sleeping bag and some essential toiletries so she could camp out on the couch for a couple of nights, and that was a new thing for them.

He didn't see the need for her to stay at the house and leave him at home. He hated the idea of going to sleep in their bed alone with more space than he was used to, but she'd insisted, something about wanting to make sure Henry didn't get loopy off sugar and throw an all-night house party. It wasn't exactly luxury and she'd miss him too but he'd be waiting for her to come home, right? That was motivation enough, his spontaneous visits and lips on hers were just bonuses.

"Who's he?" Layla demanded to know, feeling a little uncomfortable at how the peace had been shattered by this unexpected and unwanted visitor, who was now canoodling with the woman in charge like no one else was in the room. Jeez, she was all for love and it was kinda sweet and they seemed to emit rays of sunshine and rainbows from just how happy they made each other, but jeeeez. They were so touchy and kissy and huggy and....cute.

"My boss."

"My fiancé," Henry answered at the same time as (y/n), giving the girl an idea of what kind of guy she was dealing with here. Her crush sounded tired in an annoyed sort of way, whilst the woman couldn't stop smiling and didn't even take her eyes off her lover once they'd pulled back. It was then that she took notice of the ring on her finger, still shining, still beautiful, even one month after the proposal and it made sense then; they were on cloud nine in romance terms, no wonder they couldn't focus on anyone else.

"That's right!" Ray laughed and pointed his leafblower in his sidekick's face, cackling when his blond quiff danced all over the place and his skin wrinkled from the powerful air. He only did it to get a laugh out of his sweet girl and because he was a massive child on the inside, but when she hit his shoulder and bit her lip to contain her chuckles, he stopped. Henry's bored face said it all.

"Oh, man..." He laughed and turned his head to peck his girl's forehead as he thought about his next move now that he'd annoyed some people. What else could he do that would excuse him from going home prematurely? Was he hungry? Was (y/n) hungry? Free food in the house, free utensils, what'd ya know, he had himself a plan. "I'm gonna go make a sandwich..."

"Raymond...don't make a mess and don't use everything!" (y/n) shouted after him as he plodded off to go and raid the fridge for whatever took his fancy (and whatever he knew she liked), and with her strict instructions, he found himself needing some sweet girl supervision.

"Or you could come help me!" He suggested, placing the leafblower down on the kitchen counter as he passed it and the woman knew that if she refused, he'd just get pouty. Oh well, it had been a hot minute since she'd seen him, kissed him, felt his arms around her, so why not? At least this way she could make sure he didn't break something or create a spillage that he wouldn't clean up on his own.

"Fine, I think I saw some cheese or lettuce or maybe some ham in the fridge earlier, so what do you w--agghhhh!" Having left the boys to carry on their beauty treatment, (y/n) followed her doofus over to the kitchen, intent on taking a few things from the fridge and hoping that her employers wouldn't mind.

They said so could eat whatever she wanted, but she supposed that came with the assumption of eating anything within reason. Obviously, they didn't want their fridge to be raided and she wasn't planning on doing that...mainly because she never actually made it to the damn thing.

Ray got to her first. Rather embarrassingly, she let out a small yelp as his arms encircled her waist and dragged her body back into his, trapped between him and the island. In an instant, his head dipped to push his nose and lips against her neck, a sensation that made her giggle quietly at how ticklish it was, but it wasn't enough to cause suspicion, more like just enough to make him grin against her skin and her knuckles to turn white as they gripped the counter's edge.

"I missed you." He confessed in her ear, causing her cheeks to heat up and her tummy to flutter when his hands started exploring. With nowhere to go, she just had to pray that Layla and Zack were too focused on their jobs to notice anything going on in a kitchen that was suspiciously quiet to say that they were supposed to be making sandwiches.

"It's been, like, three hours, doofus. Still got another two whole days to go yet." (y/n) smiled, trying to stomp down that sad twinge in her heart that tried to pull her down too. It was just two days; it really wasn't that long, and although the thought of having no more visits like this one did seem to make the whole thing seem so long and laborious, the bigger picture helped to put it all in perspective.

Comparing a harmless weekend to ten years of arduous, lonely nights of thinking that her heart was longing for something it would never get gave her her answer.

If she could wait for a decade, she could make it two nights.

"I know...don't know how I'm gonna sleep tonight without you next to me." Ray, not so much. Two days, ten years, it was all the same to him. He'd done his waiting, nearly lost his mind from it, and now he hated not having her close. It just brought back bad memories. Like all the times he cursed himself for admiring her in a particularly stunning dress, put himself down for dreaming that she might feel the same way or when he shed a tear after waving her off on a date that wasn't with him.

"Well, I could call you and then, we could talk until two AM like those teenagers in Fifty Boys I've Loved Before and do the game where we see who hangs up first." She teased him, reaching back to run her fingers through the hair that brushed against the nape of his neck - just long enough to feel silky smooth and just long enough for her to yank.

It was a novel idea, a situation that only existed with the three walls of a movie where teens wasted their parent's monthly wage on one phone bill but it was so cheesy and so them, (y/n) was up for trying it. Why wouldn't they stay up half the night giggling nonsense into the receiver until their sleep pattern was well and truly screwed? Falling asleep to each other's voices sounded perfect, just like normal and better than any lullaby.

"And what if my mom finds out I've been calling a girl all night--oh, no way! No way, no way, no way!" Ray's joking around soon stopped when purely by chance, he happened to raise his gaze from his girl's pretty face, y'know simply to check if anyone was watching them, not that he cared, and that's when he saw it. The car.

He was like a goddamn damn magpie, the minute he saw something shiny and silver, his interest was piqued and this specific treasure tugged at his curiosity like nothing else. It was difficult to choose between his love and getting a closer look, but it was just too great, his brain quelling his heart's objections by arguing that his soulmate was likely to follow after them if they edged closer, so that's what he did.

Dear god, it was beautiful, not as beautiful as his gorgeous fiancée, but just like he'd seen in those middle-aged men's magazines and boy, did it satisfy the child within him. Come on, it was a toy meant for grown-ups, it was like it had practically been put there for him. The rarest of the rare, a trinket for him to admire but not touch. (y/n) wouldn't allow that.

"Wait, Raymond, no, no, no, no! Stop touching, no touching, put it down!" She ordered, feeling her previously fluffy heart turn to water as her silly doofus plucked Mr Hart's precious plaything from its shelf so he could check it out. Great, that's just what she wanted, Ray's paws all over it and it's not like she didn't trust him it's just that...she didn't trust him. It sounded mean like that but it was true; he had clumsy sausages for fingers, a sponge for a brain and zero luck, so there was no wonder that she foresaw an accident when he picked it up.

"Dude, that's my dad's! We're not allowed to touch it!" Henry was quick to join in the argument too, having leapt to his feet and left Layla behind when his boss stopped being handsy with (y/n) in favour of being handsy with something else. Yes, they all saw but said nothing, they never did, it was just easier to carry on with the manicures and pedicures rather than split them apart, but now, he was being serious. His life depended on that thing staying intact and functional.

"Well, don't mean that I can't!" Ray grinned at them childishly. He just had to find a loophole, didn't he? It wasn't him getting paid twenty bucks an hour, he didn't care, all he had to do was just swan off and leave them to complain about it later, no skin off his back. Maybe if it broke, he'd get to sleep with his girl tonight, after all, maybe she'd quit before the heat was on her, that sounded more like it, but (y/n) wasn't about to risk that situation coming into fruition.

"Give it, doofus."

"Aww..." Immediately, Ray fell into a deep, sulking pout as she snatched the car from his hands, careful not to scratch the paint, chip the glass or knock a wing mirror off. Honestly, he was too handsome to pout, it caused too many lines on his face and it tugged on her heartstrings knowing that he wasn't happy about something but she had to toughen it out like any parent disciplining a child. Don't fall for the frowny face.

"If this thing breaks, I'm not getting paid and I'll have to pay to get it fixed or replaced, meaning you won't be getting laid for the next month. So, stop pouting and move." She told him firmly and knowing that she wasn't lying about any of it, Ray quickly sidestepped to let her past. As delicately as she could, (y/n) placed the car in the same position it had been in before, hoping that Mr Hart wasn't too strict about a few finger smudges here and there.

And that allowed Ray to have another look around; just because that was off-limits didn't mean that he had to stop looking for something else to satisfy his childlike wonder. And it wasn't difficult to let the next best thing steal his attention, after all, this one had buttons, an electric current and something he could push and pull. It was perfect.

"Oooh, the remote!" This would do nicely. It was still connected to the car, but not the main attraction, so he figured that it couldn't hurt to play with it - a few taps of the buttons here, a flick of the joystick there. Where was the harm in that?

"No, Ray. Don't touch the remote!" (y/n) whined, making grabby hands for the thing before he broke it because if the car was worth a lot and treasured possession, then she guessed that the same could be said for the remote that powered it. What use was the car if the remote didn't work? None, but Ray wouldn't let her have it, not even as his eye caught the ring, not even when she was the pouting one. Nope, he merely kept it close to his chest.

"Uh, sweet girl, I think I know how to work a remote for a remote-control car, okay?" He scoffed, pinching her cheek because her concern was cute, but as always, he thought he knew better.

Pressing the button under his thumb, the car roared to life with its back wheel squealing and its headlights illuminated. Sweet cheese, it was a cool bit of tech and in different circumstances, (y/n) probably would've loved to get a look at all that retro circuitry, but not with the toy that was the difference between a payday and a payout.

And it all went downhill from there. The thrust from the vehicle was too much for it to handle and when Ray took off the brake and pushed the joystick forward, only the inevitable could happen. The car skidded over the edge of the shelf, propelled by all the power generated from its tiny electric motor and to everyone's horror (and Ray's shame), it was headed straight for the discarded pedicure bucket that Jasper formerly had his tootsies in.

"Nooooooooo!" It was like slow motion as Henry, (y/n) and even Ray ran to save the car from drowning its circuits. All that training was coming in useful, they each had impeccable timing but Henry was the fastest, a factor derived from those super-fast reflexes, which proved to be extremely useful as he sank to his knees and caught the car just in time. No fried electrics, no soaked seats, no soggy tires. Talk about having a heart attack

"Oh, thank god...See? This is why we don't touch things that aren't ours!" (y/n) scolded Ray as everyone breathed a massive sigh of relief and allowed their bodies to relax. The man offered her an apologetic pout as if he'd just received a telling off from teacher. Still, the car was safe, it wasn't damaged and they were out of the woods...

"Henry, careful! Your nails!" Layla exclaimed because for some unknown fucking reason, she was more worried about her crush smudging the clear coat she'd put on his nails rather than saving the car that his father had specifically told him not to break. And understandably upon hearing the pure urgency and panic in her voice, Henry yelped...and most heartbreakingly, dropped the car in the damn water. Shit.

"Aghhhhhh! No, no, no!" Henry screamed as he watched the car fizz and pop and die as the water ruined its components and short-circuited everything. Oh god, he was gonna get screwed for this and he knew exactly who to blame. The one who couldn't keep his paws off, the one who couldn't listen, the one who couldn't understand when no means no. Not Layla, she was too cute to be in trouble, no, his culprit was Ray, that stupid, stupid man-child who he would happily boil in oil if he wasn't indestructible.

"Uh...all right. Just, uh, I know you're mad at me, but I think I know what to do here, I'll be...hang on..." Ray laughed nervously as Henry gave him a death stare, and if looks could kill then he'd definitely be dead by now. But luckily for him, they couldn't, meaning it was safe for him to circle the couch, his hand tightly gripping (y/n)'s as she followed him in confusion, possibly to kill him for being such a moron or perhaps to protect when Henry pounced. Either way, he was able to nervously return the remote to the spot that it should never have left and he tiptoed to the door dragging (y/n) with him.

"Ray, I'm not leaving, the car--" Her protests about how she thought he was pulling her away from the sinking ship were silenced when he kissed her in the blink of an eye. It was rushed, unexpected and not very coordinated as he moved his lips against hers in a desperate attempt to savour the experience before he had to leg it, but she sighed and melted against him just as she did with all the others.

There wasn't a doubt in her mind that this was a goodbye kiss, he could never leave without one and it just reaffirmed that tonight was gonna be a lonely one. It was over too quickly; one minute he was there, the next minute he was gone, running off into his car and driving off into the night to save his skin.

Her wrist carried his warmth for a few seconds after he tore himself away, a reminder of how tightly he'd held her before he realised why he was holding her so close and trying to commit everything he already knew to memory again. Maybe it would stave off the sadness.

With Ray gone, the group was left in silence, all eyes on the seething boy as he slowly lifted his dad's car from the bucket, water cascading from every gap that it seeped into. Jesus, even when he opened the door more poured out, showing that the thing was thoroughly drenched and unlikely to ever run again without some serious intervention. good thing that Henry was friends with a mechanical engineer, that shit was second nature to her, rewiring and fixing stuff.

"Feels bad!" Henry whined to his friends, echoing his signature catchphrase but without his usual cheeriness. Okay, no need to panic, yes, it was bad, horrific even, hundreds of dollars were on the line here for everyone, but they had time to fix it. A couple of days to make things right was a good thing, a positive when everything seemed so glum.

"Okay, it's fine, we can fix this, no problem. Just don't turn it on and put it in rice while the manicure people give me their glasses and a spotlight." (y/n) was quick off the mark, ignoring the crushing guilt gnawing at her mind since it had been her responsibility to keep everything safe and it had been her lover who'd screwed everything up. Therefore, she felt like it was her duty to make it right, plus, she had the expertise to root out the problem and repair it.

"What? Why?" Henry asked curtly, still in quite a crabby mood since he was pointing the finger at one person in particular. (y/n) had always been like an extension of Ray and vice versa, where one was, the other followed, so he channelled all the anger he felt towards his boss into her, which wasn't very fair but hey, it made him feel better.

"Because the rice will absorb the moisture and I need something to magnify the electronics and light so I can look at them. I didn't do a degree in engineering just to do math, y'know." She replied in a flat tone, fully aware that the kid wasn't his best self right now and whilst it would be nice to snap back, it wouldn't help much. He was just mad and needed time to calm down and in that time, she could get to work.

"Well, I wouldn't need your stupid degree if your fiancé hadn't made me drop my dad's car in a bucket of water!" Well, rude much? It was so hard not to shout in his face, to say something harsh back because what he said was meant to be hurtful to some extent and of course, the kid normally wouldn't dare to be mean to the woman who'd given him so much advice and care over the years, but he was lashing out. (y/n) could take it, at least she didn't show any reaction.

"Just go find some rice!" That got him moving, thank god and Jasper shrugged awkwardly when they shared a glance. Obviously, he didn't know what to make of the situation either, Henry was normally so nice, but when it came to his dad disowning him or not, he could be a real monster. Scary...

~Forty minutes later~

After a good towelling and a stint in a sack of basmati, the car was ready for service. Climbing up onto the kitchen counter and lying flat on her back like she was under an actual car, (y/n) delved deep into every wire, every board and every connection she could find in the toy as Henry and Jasper held it over her face. This was her in her prime, in her element as it were and if wasn't for the elephant in the room she would be having a whale of a time.

It was a delicate operation, she didn't want to do any more damage than had already been done, not with prying eyes around, but the good news was that it was fairly simple for someone who'd worked under Schwoz for so many years. The nineties had produced some beautiful stuff and this little gadget was one of them, so it would be a pleasure to work on it for Henry as reparation, all he needed to do was give her the go-ahead and not insult her in the meanest way possible.

"All right, boys. Set the car down because I am done!" She grinned and slowly sat up from the cold granite once the car was out of danger from headbutts. Jeez, her back was stiff, lying flat really brought out her age, but oh well, she was vertical now and flicked the magnifying headset that the nail techs had graciously lent her up to her forehead. Not her usual kit; it stank of acetone but it did the job because if it worked for doing nail art, it worked for fine electronics.

"So, what do you think? Can you fix it?" Henry asked her, praying for good news since that would stop the nerves zooming around his stomach and lower his blood pressure. If it was broken beyond repair, then he was screwed, destined to die in two days because his dad would never forgive him, but her smile looked promising...maybe?

"Yeah, it's not actually that difficult, so I don't why you brought him here!" She snapped, suddenly turning to look at the elephant who'd been summoned at the drop of a hat by a boy and clearly doubted her skills.

A spare mechanic as it were, a dude he'd found online who claimed to be an expert in repairing old gadgets as if he needed one. Seriously, she was quite insulted, just because she'd never been formally employed by a garage or company didn't mean she didn't know an exhaust manifold from a capacitor.

She was better than some guy who'd appeared out of nowhere and judged her work like she was the scum of the Earth - a woman who dared to step into the world of engineering and think she could work with the big boys. Yeah, because he was really channelling Elon Musk right now with his dopey glasses and burger shirt, he looked like a real "professional".

"Because I need my dad's car to be in exactly the same condition as it was before, so I want a proper guy to do it! So, can you fix it?" Henry's gaze then turned to the burger man, this so-called expert in retro toys. Maybe he did know what he was doing, maybe he knew more about the car than (y/n) did but still, she knew she could do this and the outside of the car was fine, it was the circuits that needed worrying about. The art she was good at and he wouldn't let her do it. The nerve of this kid.

"Yeah, I can fix it. Too bad, sweetheart." Burger boy snorted at (y/n), making her bite her tongue to hold in the torrent of filth that would be heading her way if she wasn't so nice. She was a "proper guy", why couldn't Henry see that? And Jasper wasn't helping much, sure, he gave her a sympathetic smile, but he didn't want to upset his friend more than he already was. Looks like the pleb was here to stay.

"Thank you!"

"Oh, that is great news!" The boys were so relieved at hearing the man could fix it because their other option was a tad more "risky". It's not that they didn't trust (y/n), it's just they wanted to get a professional in so they could say they gave the car the best TLC they could find, which was fine. Perfect. Fantastic. But didn't they know that commercial prowess came at a cost?

"It'll cost you three thousand bucks." There was the catch that had their grins falling and (y/n) choking. When he said bucks, did he mean cents? Because holy Jesus, that was a small fortune for two teens who had next to nothing in their bank accounts.

"Three thousand?! Are you taking the piss? The repair is so damn simple, it should be one dollar!" (y/n) exclaimed, unexpectedly feeling quite protective over the boys, even if they had brought this by themselves.

Yeah, this guy was the kind of asshole who was smug about his skills and a conman, praying on people who were desperate enough to pay anything if it meant their treasures could be restored. But she knew for a fact that he was just being a dick and even if they were millionaires, there was no way she'd pay that amount for something that would take two seconds max. Degrees do come in useful sometimes...

"Listen, darlin', this is a vintage remote control car from the nineteen hundreds." He looked at her in such a condescending way, (y/n) wanted to smack him right where that stupid moustache rested on his upper lip. Because she'd been able to come to the same conclusion as him, he now felt the need to stomp on her, put her back in her place as a guy who probably lived in a shed with nothing put empty takeout cartons and old motors to keep him company was obviously her superior.

"Yes, I know. I'm looking at it."

"Then, why'd you go dunk it in water?" Wow, stupid as well as ignorant. They knew the value of the car, did he really think they'd do something like this on purpose? The more he talked, the less faith (y/n) had in him and she just wanted to push him out of the door and do the job herself because everything was becoming a lot more complicated than it needed to be. And a lot more shouty.

"I didn't mean to! It was her fiancé's fault!" Henry yelled back, still feeling quite touchy about the events that had transpired not too long ago, everything was still too raw to poke at. Whilst he'd stopped firing too many insults, he was still being irrational and loud, which stemmed from the fear of his dad returning home and finding the car broken and slightly damp, and now, his glare was on the burger man.

"All right!... If you ever want a new fiancé, I know where you can find one, darlin'." Why did she always attract the weirdos? Giving him an eye roll and folding her arms, (y/n) turned her back on the revolting man, who obviously thought he was god's gift to women or something. Like she'd ever leave her loveable doofus for a moron like him, the thought made her shudder, more than the idea of him effectively stealing money the boys didn't have.

As if that wasn't enough, here came Piper and Charlotte, right on cue, like they knew the perfect time to come home - in the middle of a situation. The youngest was still holding her soda from the movie, Charlotte had some candy, but neither was aware of the shitshow they were walking into and for them, it was all still giggles and swapping jokes. No stress, no panic, just a blissful ignorance that didn't break until Henry's foul mood clouded their happiness.

"Hey!"

"We're back from the movie!"

"Oh, great! Did you bring me three thousand dollars?" He asked sarcastically, coming over as they came into the room, wondering what had made him so crabby. They had no idea what he was talking about, all they knew was that their movie was great, they'd had an amazing time and now they were hoping to chill with (y/n) and tell her all about it. What was his problem?

"No..."

"But I brought you half a box of Mild Doods." Charlotte offered, hoping she could appease the angry beast with a peace offering. It was a small sacrifice if it meant he wouldn't bite her head off and whilst Henry wasn't so keen, Jasper could go for a Dood. And that gave them a chance to throw their questioning eyes at (y/n); she'd tell them what was wrong, that was the girl code.

"Ooh, I'll take some Doods."

"Wanna manicure?" Zack sudden;y appeared behind the girls. Yeah, the car fiasco wasn't his problem, therefore, he didn't care about his client's problems. Their money was much more appealing and if he could squeeze a few extra dollars, he'd be doing all right to say that he and Layla had been called out to a madhouse.

"Uh, who are you and why are you in my house?" Piper asked, eyeing the new stranger with a cautious gaze. Stranger danger and all that, and this guy was asking to look at her nails, meaning she got the same serial killer vibe that the others did before, but as always, Jasper was quick to respond.

"Oh, they're professional manicurists. That's Layla and that's Zack. He is unbelievab--" Just as Jasper started bragging about how the serial killer was actually a pretty nice guy and a wicked nail tech, Piper happened to glance at the man next to him, who (y/n) was still glaring daggers at. And then she saw it. The car. Broken. In his hands. Three thousand dollars worth of memories and threats in his palms and now she understood why the atmosphere in the house was so tense. Because they were in massive trouble.

"Oh my god!" She gasped and stormed over to the mechanic to snatch the car out from his hands. "You played with dad's vintage car?"

No, I didn't play with it! Okay? My boss, also known as (y/n)'s dumb fiancé, came in here and drove it into some foot water and now, it's gonna cost me three thousand bucks to fix it!" Henry replied, stress colouring every tone. Okay, only (y/n) got to call Ray dumb, but a fair point, it was a pretty stupid move, not that arguing about it would get them anywhere.

"You are not paying him three thousand dollars for that! Just give it to me and I'll do it for free!" The woman offered, trying to get through that stubborn side that had hardened the more the boy grew. He could be so annoying sometimes, if he just let her get hold of the thing, she'd show him that it was a simple flick and twist and that was the repair over, but he didn't trust her. Jerk.

"No, (y/n), I already told you! I need someone who knows what their doing and that guy does, so I'm paying him three thousand dollars!" Henry argued back and (y/n) just left it there, preferring to sit and seethe than waste her breath. What was the point? Every time she tried to say something, he shot her down, every time she tried to grab the car, he yanked it back, he just wouldn't listen and she figured that the only way he'd learn was to let him see that she was in the right and he was in the wrong.

"Uh, I hate to bring this up but you and your friends owe Zack and me seventy-five bucks for the manis." Layla's voice tapped into the conversation, adding yet more bad news for Henry to stress over. Great, now it was three thousand and seventy-five bucks - an added expense from the treatment they'd each had done, which to be fair, wasn't a lot for the superb job they'd done but it didn't help.

"Yeah, okay..."

"Whoa, seventy-five dollars is pretty cheap for three manicures," Charlotte commented, making the manicurists go all smug. Yeah, they were cheap but good, that's what made them so popular; what little they lost in the discounted price, they made up for in the sheer number of clients they received.

"Yeah, it's pretty cheap..."

"Okay, people! Look, my parents are gonna be back in two days! And when my dad sees that I broke his dumb toy car, he's gonna make my mom kill me and (y/n) because she was supposed to be the responsible one!" Henry shouted over the idle chitchat, feeling his self-control burst when they all went off on a tangent that wasn't helping him get the money to fix the car.

And (y/n) could understand that because technically, as annoying as he was right now, he was right. Mrs Hart would kill her and then refuse to pay, so even if she couldn't repair it, they had to find a way to get the bozo over there to do the honours.

"He had a point. I've been here for five hours, that's one hundred dollars and I would like to cash in at the end of this." She muttered. Getting her money was pretty important and of course, she wanted to make sure that Henry survived this, so for all his whining and moaning and complaining and insisting that she was just an idiot with a degree, she was gonna stay. Siblings annoy siblings but they stay together, right?

"Look, son, if I may..." And that pig-headed mechanic just had to stick his nose in, it wasn't enough for him to take advantage of a couple of teens who were too scared to trust one of their closest friends, but now, he was stirring the pot. If he wasn't careful, the guy was gonna earn himself a smack in the nose.

"You need me to fix your dad's car before your parents come home, so you need to get your hands on three thousand bucks--"

"Still a rip-off." (y/n) butted in, causing the man to send her an irritated side-eye but she didn't care because it was the truth. She knew it, he knew it, the only people who refused to see it that way were the ones scrounging to find the money.

"Yeah..." Henry batted (y/n) away so she'd stop throwing in her sly comments and gave the man a tired look. This better be good for him to waste his precious time like this.

"So, why don't you have a party? Invite a bunch of teenagers here on Saturday night and you two! You must know other people who give manicures..." Oh, god. He wasn't serious, was he? That was the opposite of what they needed; did (y/n) need to bring up the scenario of what teenagers do at a house party? Plants dying from being watered with vomit, trees decorated with toilet paper, and the beds, dear lord, the beds.

"I know a lot!"

"Yeah, we do!"

"There you go! You get your friends to get their friends, you have a wild mani-party, make some money, split the profits and you should have enough cash left over to pay me to fix your dad's car." The repairman proposed, sending Henry into a deep pondering state, which the woman on his right couldn't believe. Was he thinking about it? Oh, sure, it would be great when Mr Hart came home to both a broken car and a decimated house, that would be brilliant; bye-bye dignity, bye-bye wedding, bye-bye to their friendship because she'd never recover.

"You're not actually considering this, are you? You know I can't let you do this..." (y/n) whispered to Henry, acting as the angel on his shoulder when the burger-shirt guy was the devil, tempting him into sin. God, being the killjoy was hard but it was the smart thing to do, they could get three thousand dollars somewhere else or y'know, just let her do it. Parties weren't her thing, from both a personal and professional standpoint; they just filled her with dread, much like the way Henry sighed at the mechanic.

"I don't know...she's right, my parents said I'm not allowed to have parties while they're out of town. They won't give (y/n) her money if something goes wrong..." Henry told the dude and the woman felt grateful that he was at least considering her interests as well as his own. It was nice to know he cared about her efforts to pay for the best day of her life, whenever it would be, but no matter how worried he looked, her rival seemed relentless in his struggles to squeeze every penny he could get.

"Kid, sometimes you just gotta say...rubber duck!" Fuck her, it was like that damn phrase was following them, haunting their every move. As her eyes closed in frustration, a method of trying to quell the anger settling in her stomach, Jasper leapt up at the sound of someone else using his new motto. It wasn't just him, he wasn't alone in this, sure, the only other person was an asshole but still.

"See?!" Burger boy had truly made his day.

~A while later...party time~

"The party was off to an amazing start."

Remind (y/n) why this was a good idea again. The neighbours surrounding the Harts' residence were starting to get grouchy and for good reason; having decided to just "rubber duck it", Henry and his friends had contacted everyone they knew to try and get a party going and holy shit, it had worked.

"Charlotte, Jasper, Piper and I invited tons of our friends. (y/n), of course, hated it but she didn't say anything. We couldn't hear her over the music anyway."

The floor was vibrating and the walls were in danger of cracking from the loud, thumping bass beat from the music and the crowds, well, they were swarming. Friends had phoned friends, and then they had phoned their friends, leading to masses of people flocking to Henry's home like it was the place to be because honestly, it was. The manicurists were loving it, all their nail artist friends had come over to take advantage of all the teens living it large and the money was rolling in.

"And Layla, the prettiest manicurist I ever saw, she invited a bunch of her friends, other manicurists."

Jasper, naturally, was the doorman, greeting and vetting anyone who tried to get in since they weren't gonna let just anyone into the house. As per (y/n)'s frantic advice, they were trying to avoid that apocalyptic tale of a trashed house and whilst the riffraff was staying outside, it didn't mean to say that things were staying squeaky clean.

These people didn't care if they threw their trash on the floor or wiped their sticky hands on the curtains, they weren't the ones cleaning up. All they did care about was the sad-sack adult hovering over them with an eagle eye for troublemakers - that would be (y/n).

It was like college all over again, the noise, the stench, the heat, the tangle of sweaty bodies trying to dance and fumble to take a selfie all at the same time. She wasn't a big fan of them, then, she wasn't a big fan of them now, especially not when she had to be the one telling arrogant boys and bitchy girls off for getting a tad too rambunctious for her liking. You'd think that she'd be used to being called a nerdy little twerp, who should go and crawl back to whatever math paper she'd left behind, by now, but no. It still stung, but at least it wasn't true.

Popularity after high school doesn't mean shit; they'd all leave for college and then the real world where they were nobodies. The jocks would just become assholes, the bitches wouldn't be able to step on people and they'd find themselves being the losers for once, the ones with no experience. That was comforting, knowing that one day, someone would smack them in the mouth and they'd learn their lessons.

"And the money! Oh, man...it's, like, insane how much these kids will pay for a quality manicure." Henry chuckled as he narrated the events of the night to some dude he'd never met before. He didn't know why, but he just felt so cool and was riding the high that came from being the one to organise a great party. He had some dark glasses, a soda, a porch to sit on and chill, he felt like a god...but the same couldn't be said for the other guy. He just felt awkward.

"Uh, yeah...do I have to sit here and keep listening to you narrate?" He asked, glancing up from his phone so he could look at the boy who kept talking to him like they were friends. But Henry was just walking down memory lane, too blissed out from the recollection to care if he was being weird...

"Then, at one point, earlier in the night, I went to get a soda and Layla walked up to me. And out of nowhere, she says..." Henry remembered the sway of the crowd as he moved through the house, careful not to spill his when Layla stepped in front of him.

"Have you ever made spaghetti on a sailboat?" Okay, random, but she was so cute, he couldn't bring himself to laugh at her and just smiled softly. How could anyone not smile softly around such beauty?

"Hmmm? On a--on a sailboat?"

"Yeah, a boat with sails..." The conversation was awkward and limited to a few words, but his heart couldn't stop fluttering, not when she giggled at his smiley reaction.

"And I was thinking, why not make spaghetti in a kitchen?" It was a fair question and as Henry broke out of his daydream, he found himself pondering it again. He'd never been on a sailboat so he couldn't say if it was a good place or not, but surely, it would rock and dip and sway from the water, not to mention the seasickness. Was it a good idea?

"Y'know, 'cause a kitchen is where most people make spaghetti, right?" He turned to look at the dude he was sitting with, who at this point, had had quite enough of his tall, Jackanory tales.

"I just want to get a manicure..." He told him flatly and then, Henry gave up trying. Well, he tried to be cool and it failed, all he had left was his half-drunken soda and his shades. That was depressing, but he was the host of a house party, it was hard to ever be alone when that happened.

"Henry, Charlotte has good news..." (y/n) suddenly appeared in the doorway, the usual bounce in her step missing since she'd just unclogged the toilet and scrubbed her hands raw at how it made her skin crawl. This was the worst, why do teens think destruction is fun? Anyway, after losing her epidermis, she'd bumped into Charlotte as she tried to find Henry to give him an earful about how she should get paid extra for this shit and the girl was much more excited than she was.

"Henry! We did it!" She cried, clutching a safety deposit box and a wad of cash in her fist so they wouldn't lose a dollar. Now that was a reason to be excited about and (y/n) found her energy growing steadily once more since with that money, the end of this puke fest was in sight. Was it a bit much to call these animals degenerates?

"You made spaghetti on a sailboat?" He really needed to stop obsessing over everything little thing Layla said.

"What? No! Look, three thousand dollars!" Charlotte squealed and spread the bills into a fan so he could see every little number. Holy shit, three grand right in her hand, it seemed impossible for a group of kids and their nagging grownup friend, but they'd done it. Henry's neck was saved and yet more good news was still to come.

"And Piper's in there collecting more money right now! We're raking it in." (y/n) smiled as Charlotte carefully passed the money to Henry, who cradled it like it was his firstborn child. A quick flicker through the notes and a calculation that took every ounce of mathematical ability he had, and he knew that he had the mechanic's money, which the heroine in front of him still thought was ridiculous but at least they'd enjoyed the party.

"Oh, man! Okay, problem solved!" The boy smiled, looking at them with hopeful eyes. This meant that the party was over, right? A shame but a necessary one because the house, the car, everything had to be perfect for when his parents came back, which was still some time away but the sooner this mess was fixed, the better.

"Well, unless we have some other unforeseen complication, we should go and pay that charlatan you call a repairman and get this over with." (y/n) replied dryly, still not believing that the kid was actually gonna hand over the money from what had turned out to be a brilliant plan (maybe the burger guy had been smart with his suggestion there).

It didn't seem right, not when the damage flashed into her brain and the problem's solution screamed out to her. The kid could keep his money and still fool his parents into thinking everything was fine, wasn't that better?

"Right..." Clearly not.

The time had come to hand the cash over. Sitting in the armchair by the fire, the "expert" repairman sat back and smirked at the woman watching him with cold eyes as Henry counted every bill they were giving him and the manicurist did his nails. This had been a good night for him, he'd been pampered and was being ten times the normal rate for a restoration. It felt good to be bad...

"Twenty-nine hundred and sixty, twenty-nine hundred and eighty, three thousand! Right there, three thousand dollars!" Henry slammed the last twenty down onto the table next to the guy, relieved that all the counting was over and the debt had been paid. The mechanic could pick it up, look at it, smell if he wanted to, but they'd given him the money, time for him to uphold his side of the deal.

"Yeah! You can count it if you want!"

"I just counted it right in front of him..." Oh, Jasper, he could see but he could never observe. Whatever, as quickly as he could, the man shoved the bundle into his top pocket and patted it happily before leaning back to enjoy his hand massage. Why should he go fast? It's not like he had a lot of work to do.

"You know, you've been sitting in that chair for so long, you're beginning to look like it." (y/n) snapped when a pleased sigh escaped the man, infuriating her, Henry and Jasper at how lax he was in his efforts to help them. Sure, she knew that he didn't have a mammoth task ahead, but this was just taking the piss.

"You just stand there and look pretty, darlin'. I'll do the work when I want to..." He grumbled in return as the girl next to him buffed his nails and chased away all of his worries. Three thousand dollars richer and he hadn't even lifted a finger, something which enraged Henry and fanned the flames of his panic.

"Come on, man, I really need this!" The kid cried, letting his desperation fly out as tears in his eyes and a needy yelp. That made the man wake up and put his hands in the air, startled by the loud tone that shattered his tranquillity. Jeez, couldn't the woman tell them that it wasn't that big of a deal?

"All right! Open my toolbox." He told the boys, making (y/n) scoff when Henry open the tiny red box that housed a series of screwdrivers, mini spanners and a small soldering iron - perfect for delicate operations. It was right next to him, literally ten centimetres away from his hand yet he couldn't be bothered to do it himself. Rather, he simply selected the tool he needed--the tool (y/n) would've gone for if it was up to her---and took the car from Jasper, ready to "earn" his three thousand bucks.

Turning the car upside down, his eyes raked over the circuitry until he saw what the pretty girl had told her friends about. Two loose screws. That was it. Nothing more. That's why (y/n) had been adamant that her skill was sufficient because all that needed fixing was two damn screws. When the electrics short-circuited, they popped out as a safety feature to protect the car from damaging itself; that killed the system and after drying out, it just needed putting back into place. Hardly a job worth what the man had taken.

"Penny in the air..." (y/n) muttered, watching as the screwdriver's head was jammed into the screws and twisted in three full turns, precisely what she'd been trying to do all night. If she had just been able to get her hands on it, things could've been so different and she'd be the one laughing at this clown.

"So, how long are you--"

"Done!" And like that, it was over. The car was perfectly fine again, ready to go for another drive, not that they were gonna even attempt that. Henry and Jasper fell silent as he presented the toy back to them, a smug smirk on his face now that the contract between them was over. They couldn't believe it, they must've misheard him because that took two seconds, just like (y/n) had said...

"You're done?"

"And the penny drops." (y/n) rubbed at her forehead as she saw the light leave Henry's eyes. Just because he didn't want to believe it didn't mean what the guy was saying wasn't true and if he didn't trust him, then all he had to do was test the car for himself.

"Yeah, push the green button on the remote and move the joystick forward." The repairman instructed Jasper, who nervously did as he was told. Raising the controller, he pushed the accelerator button down and pushed the joystick as commanded and low and behold, the car roared to life. The wheels moved perfectly, the headlights glowed, and the toy was in perfect working order again.

"Ta-dahhh!"

"It works!" For a moment, the rush of exhilaration and relief blinded the boys from what was important. They forgot about the price tag and focused on the genius man who'd saved their asses because it felt so good to not be in trouble again until Henry clocked onto the wad peeking out from his pocket. Right, he gave him that...wait...

"Oh my god, you're like a geni---wait, you charged me three thousand bucks and then fixed it in five seconds?!" Henry snapped, causing a grin to break out on the man's face. He found the fact that he'd only been caught now hilarious because it was too late and knowing that he'd gotten away with it was hilarious, especially considering that he'd beaten another mechanic to the chase.

"Rubber duck! Face it, kid, you should've trusted your friend here." The man laughed and slowly, Henry's face dropped. With thinking, he turned to look at (y/n), who'd been suspiciously quiet for the last few minutes and he felt his heart crack when she offered him a watery smile. Well, now he just felt like a jerk; all that shit he said about Ray not listening and suffering the consequences had echoed with him, it left him feeling rotten because he'd depended on a stranger when he already had everything he needed with her.

"What? No, no, no, no, no, that's not cool! That's not cool, man! Why are you laughing like that? She's my friend and because of you--" This was becoming a habit, all the finger-pointing. As the man continued to cackle at his furious questions and accusations, across the room, another problem was stewing, only this one was a big one. A really big one.

"Henry! Henry!" Piper shrieked over the music, urgently needing her brother to stop playing around with that moron mechanic and get over to her. She'd just gotten off the phone and what she had been told was bad. Very bad and it would affect everyone in the room if they didn't act quick.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Mom and dad just called." Well, that was normal, at least from (y/n)'s viewpoint. She'd get over the car thing but something didn't feel right. She knew when Piper was panicking and that certainly sounded like her panic voice, even if the newsflash wasn't particularly interesting. Parents liked to call and check up on their kids when they were away, there was nothing to worry about, just one of those things that happened. There was no need to get all worried, no reason at all.

"So?"

"They're on their way here!" That, however, was. That was a big reason to panic. (y/n) meltdown incoming, system shutdown impending because what the fuck? They were coming home? Early? When there was a party in full swing in their house? The one she was meant to be guarding against parties? Oh Jesus, oh Buddha, oh Superman, literally any deity out there, please come help her.

"What? They're coming here?! Oh, god..."

"No, no, no, no, they're in Toronto!" Henry calmed her fears with foolish rationality, kinda like he was sticking his head in the sand and hoping it would all go away if he didn't think about it. They were going on a trip, they hadn't even made it through the first night, and they weren't coming back. She was worried about nothing.

"Nu-uh. When they were changing planes in Chicago, dad went to the men's room and dropped his passport in the toilet!" Typical Jake Hart, clumsy and stupid. Yep, that was their dad.

"Why didn't he reach in and grab it?" Sure, that was gross, but for a passport, it wasn't a big ask, not when they needed to catch another flight, but again, this was a classic Mr Hart moment.

"He tried but it was an auto-flusher!" Oh god, he lost the damn thing and gave his arm and swirlie. They couldn't make this shit up; it was funny and they'd be laughing in any other circumstance but this was now just turning into a farce.

"Oh my god, is he okay?" (y/n) asked, feeling a bit concerned because the arm that was paying her was now down a toilet fishing for a passport. And of course, she worried for his safety but still, money, money money...

"So, his arm got stuck in the toilet then they had to call the fire department to pull him out!"

"So, mom and dad bailed on the trip?" It didn't take a genius to work out what had happened and Henry's voice was starting to get just as panicky as Piper retold the story. His house was full of strangers and trash and manicurists, they couldn't see this, they'd ground him for life, Piper too. (y/n) wouldn't get paid, Jasper and Charlotte would be permanently banned from his house and his life would be over. And that was all true.

"Yeah! They just called from Nacho Ball and said they'll be home soon!" Soon wasn't good, soon was exactly the opposite of what they needed, but one thing remained. Depending on the Nacho Ball, they might just be able to squeeze out a few extra minutes to think before their impending doom arrived.

"Wait, wait, wait, which Nacho Ball? The close one or the nice one?" Everyone loved the nice Nacho Ball, the service, the food, the restaurant, it was perfect family, fast-food dining, the only catch being that it was quite far away, in a classier part of Swellview. The close one was disgusting, probably only a health inspection away from getting closed down and don't get Henry started on the whiny staff. Plus, it was close by, hence, a real problem if his parents were at that one and not the nice one.

"The close one!" Piper screeched and shot forward to grab his jacket and shake some sense into him. That's what he was dreading. The bad news settled into his bones and froze his core, making chilling waves of fear run through him as he pictured the worst; his parents walking in on this scene. Nope, not on his watch, if they could scrounge three grand in one night, then they could fix this shit in fifteen minutes, that was their only choice. To at least try and hide the evidence.

"Okay, okay, okay, Jasper! Jasper, turn off the music!" Thinking on his feet, Henry gave his first instruction to the friend closest to the speaker system because step one had to be shutting down the party. With all the people gone then it would just be a case of tidying up, so how do you stop a party? Kill the music.

"Okay!" Jasper swiftly took a remote from his pocket that was connected to the PearPad that had been shuffling a cool party playlist, full of modern music that (y/n) wasn't very familiar with, and hit the pause button. The crowd stopped swaying and chattering when the beat reverberating through their bodies stopped and that meant it was quiet enough for Henry to tell them to fuck off. But y'know, more politely than that, just with the same effect.

"Okay! Everyone, please listen up, please! I need everyone to get all their stuff and get out immediately!" Henry yelled at the top of his voice, which would no doubt be red and sore afterwards but whatever, he had a crowd to address. And they weren't happy with the sudden eviction notice; the party had been going so well and so many were still waiting for a manicurist to become free, so they were reluctant to leave. That is, they still hadn't heard the best part.

"Why?" Oliver Pook asked as he sat at a pop-up nail bar, watching as Henry kept jerking his body to try and inspire some energy into everyone. Like the others, he was enjoying himself and it wasn't like he got invited to many parties because big-eating is weird and disgusting, so his butt was firmly wedged into the sofa.

"Uh, 'cause--" Now, Henry had another problem. This had been the greatest party he'd ever thrown and it would go down as one of the best ever thrown by someone in his school, so he didn't really want to ruin that by saying he was scared of what his mommy and daddy might say. Social suicide was not how he wanted the night to end, but he had to get rid of them somehow, maybe his friends could say something?

"'Cause a snake's got loose! Yeah, a real big one that loves to eat annoying teenagers." (y/n) interjected, coming up with something that would scare people out of the premises whilst simultaneously saving Henry's street cred and giving her something to chuckle about. Yeah, she wouldn't mind seeing some of these brats getting gobbled...do snakes eat burgers?

Immediately, there was a stampede. Upon hearing that a snake was slithering about the place, the partygoers, the manicurists, everyone ran for the exits, rushing to get to safety before they could get bitten or eaten. Small problem though, Jasper, who had been standing guard by the door as a watchman spotted a small flaw within the plan, mainly that something was worrying pulling into the driveway.

"Henry! Your parents just pulled up in the driveway!" He yelled to his best friend, having seen the unmistakable sight of a sorrowful Mr Hart and a furious Mrs Hart, who was not in the mood for taking any shit after what she'd been through.

"Okay, everyone, go out the back door! The back door!" Change of plan. Henry redirected the stampede to the back of the house, worried that the sight of a herd of teens and nail tech gushing from his front door might just tip off his parents that something was going on in the house. Thankfully, the crowd quickly changed directions, not caring how they got out as long as they did - the snake could strike at any minute.

"Charlotte, go outside and try to stall my parents!" That was step two. Henry needed every second he could get and if Charlotte could get him a few more then that would be great. It wouldn't be a lot but it would be something, perhaps even just enough time to clean the place up a bit.

"Quick! Help me with the furniture!" Step three: get everything in order. (y/n) and Jasper didn't need telling twice, a lot was a stake here, so they all snapped into action as Charlotte faked smiles and kept her grip anchored to Mrs Hart and her feet glued to the driveway.

They shifted the nail bars out of the way, ready for Jasper to return them to the nail salon downtown when no one was looking.

"Go, go, go, go!" Was the mantra of everyone as they carried the furniture out to the backyard for whichever stylist wanted to pick it up themselves and as they did that, (y/n) got her game face on. With Piper as her apprentice and her years of experience cleaning the Man Cave in record times, she was ready to tackle whatever the house threw at him.

They plucked trash and nail equipment from the floor where people had just sat down to work before pushing the table back into the kitchen. It had been pushed aside to make more room for their guests, but now they were gone and they only had a few seconds to get everything perfect.

"Come on, come on...flowers!" (y/n) gasped as she, Henry and Piper each carried an orange chair back into place, not forgetting the little pot of tulips that Mrs Hart always had in the centre. There wasn't time to make them look too nice, there was still more to do; the coffee table was wheeled back into position as Jasper helped Henry push the couch back into its normal L-shape. Okay, the house looked good to say there had been forty people in it five minutes ago, and just in the nick of time too.

"Okay, good, good, good. Jasper, now get out!"

"Right!" It seemed mean to send him away after all of his help and hard work, but Mr Hart had been very specific - no Jasper in the house. So, if the kid was about they might smell a rat or assume the worst and that's not what they were going for.

"Piper, go upstairs and blow your nose!"

"Right!... Wait, why blow my nose?" That instruction made no sense. This was her house too, why couldn't she be sitting on the couch for when her parents' grumpy asses came through the door?

"'Cause, you got something hanging out right here!" Henry replied, gesturing to his nostrils to suggest that Piper, for once, wasn't on fleek. The thought of looking so disgusting made the girl shriek in fear, and in a flash, she was running up the stairs to blow her nose. (y/n) hadn't noticed anything, maybe it was a brotherly trick to make the house seem more natural because Henry and Piper hanging out wasn't something you'd normally see.

"Okay, kid, just sit and act--" (y/n) panted as she plumped the scatter cushions and dragged her old magazine to the couch so it would look like they'd just been chilling all evening. Calm was finally setting in over the house again, well, as much calm as there could be when the final judges were yet to assess if they'd pulled the whole thing off or not, but it didn't last. Not when there was one guest left who didn't get the memo about leaving and never coming back.

"Henry!" It was Layla. She'd returned to save the boy she'd been crushing on all night because, for some reason, he wouldn't leave the house despite the snake problem. Neither did she know why he scream like a child when she yelled his name but she could ignore that, anything if it meant they could run off into the night together.

"Come on, we gotta get outta here!"

"What?! Why? Why, why, why?!"

"I think you left out a why..." (y/n) muttered, barely glancing up from the magazine that she was pretending to read. If Mr and Mrs Hart walked through the door now then they see her just sitting on the couch and reading, definitely with a stomach full of butterflies as she read but failed to absorb any information. If Henry wanted to go, that was up to him, but she was gonna be the diligent housesitter.

"The snakes!" Did he forget about the lie they told?"

"Oh, yeah! Yeah, you know what? You go first, I'll follow you! Save yourself, don't worry about me!" Yeah, he'd definitely forgotten, but he couldn't leave, not even if he wanted to. Nevertheless, he stayed chivalrous to the end, letting Layla think that he was a true gentleman who didn't want her to fall victim whilst waiting for him.

"Okay! See you tomorrow for spaghetti on a sailboat!" She cried as she skipped out of the house, offering his perplexed face one last cheery smile before leaving, her nail case in tow. All those opportunities and Henry never even got to ask what the hell that meant.

"What?! Sailboat?! What is the thing with the sailboat? I don't understand--" He exclaimed as he shuffled over to the couch, following (y/n)'s beckons as she laid the magazine on her lap. They had bigger things to worry about, namely looking like they hadn't just cleaned the house from top to bottom.

"Just sit down and look norm--oh my god, the car!" (y/n) screamed when her eyes lazily dragged over the room and then spotted a flash of silver, still in the same armchair that the mechanic had "worked" on it in. Shit, they had to move it, cars don't drive themselves across the room by themselves.

"Oh my god!" Henry echoed, jumping up like he'd been burned as he saw that the gadget that had caused them so much grief was still a goddamn problem. It was official, he hated that thing, but nonetheless, he sprinted over to scoop it up from the chair and ran back over to the shelves to cautiously place it back into its rightful spot. The remote was returned too, everything in working order, no scratches, no water pouring out from anything, now, everything was fine, just in time.

As Henry jumped over the back of the couch to sit down and act casual, pretending to share an interest in whatever (y/n) was reading and hiding his glasses in the meantime, the door opened to reveal his tired-looking mother with all of her luggage and husband in tow. Showtime.

"We're home!"

"We're back!" The husband and wife announced as they crossed the threshold, relieved to see their home again after such an ordeal, but Henry and (y/n) didn't let on to the fact that they knew about the said ordeal. For them, that was still a surprise and they grinned politely like they were shocked to see them.

"Hey, mom and dad?"

"Mr and Mrs Hart! I--we didn't expect to see you back so early. What happened to Toronto?" (y/n) asked with her best manners, trying to play it well until the very last minute. Seven hours later and she was owed one hundred and forty dollars for keeping the house in one piece (for the most part) and if she sweetened them up, she might just get away with being paid.

"I don't want to talk about it.." Mr Hart said glumly and they both knew what that meant. Knowing that he'd had his arm around a U-bend was hilarious when they heard all of the little clues to what they were alluding to, although they didn't break out a giggle or smile.

"Just don't smell your father's arm." Mrs Hart told Henry, who huffed in amusement at how annoyed his mother seemed to be--pissed, even. A trip to Toronto would have to wait and maybe next time she wouldn't take her dumb husband with her.

"That's a deal."

"I'm gonna go wash my arm." He closed the door and walked upstairs, his suitcase in hand. He didn't even notice the car, this was perfect! The pair found themselves sinking into the couch as they breathed a sigh of relief, glad that the night was coming to a draw and anything that had been broken was now fixed. Everything was good...

"Henry, (y/n)..." Or not. Mrs Hart's voice was surprisingly calm as she called her son and his friend from the couch. It was almost a crime what they had done, the one thing she'd asked them to do and they'd failed. Disgraceful.

"Yeah, mom?"

"Yes, Mrs Hart?"

"Can I see you both in the kitchen?" This sounded ominous. What was the worst that could happen? Maybe she was about to congratulate them for a job well done and hand (y/n) some crisp, green bills for protecting her house from hoodlums whilst she and her husband were flying to Chicago and back. Maybe, hopefully, fingers crossed.

"Hey, what's up?" Henry asked cheerfully once he and (y/n) were face-to-face with her, having gotten up from the couch with a new nervousness settling in the stomaches. She wasn't smiling, she looked...disappointed and (y/n) suddenly felt a little faint like she'd done something wrong and was now facing the music. But for the life of her, she couldn't think of what could be the matter.

"There's a problem," Kris stated with an icy calmness and their hearts dropped. Oh god, they had missed something. A nail polish stain on the carpet, a hidden flaw with the car, a piece of furniture that hadn't been put back in its proper place, what was it?

"A problem?" (y/n) asked with a gulp and it was only when Mrs Hart raised her hand and thrust something into their faces that she remembered something very important.

"With my egg." The fucking egg. They'd forgotten about the egg. In all the chaos, they'd just left it in the fridge where it was safe but that didn't mean that one of the party people or a manicurist couldn't have touched it. They didn't have eyes in the back of their heads, someone could've easily swiped it and done something bad, not that they could see anything wrong.

"W-w-what do you mean?"

"It's cracked. My egg is cracked." Oh, shit. That was definitely a crack now that they looked closely, a very small one, but a crack nonetheless. What had she said? Anything happens to the egg and you won't get paid, did a crack count as anything?

"Well, I mean, you could still eat it and you could, y'know, pay me the one hundred and forty dollars you owe me for being here for seven hours...right?" (y/n) theorised, thinking that it would still taste the same, a small chip meant nothing. That money was important to her, maybe it wasn't the thousand she had expected to earn but still, every cent counted towards the dress, flowers, everything!

"No, (y/n), I can't still eat it and no, I won't be paying you tonight." Mrs Hart replied coldly and handed the now worthless eg to Henry, not even flinching when (y/n) looked at the floor with tears in the corners of her eyes. She didn't want to cry, it wasn't a lot of money, but to say how much they'd done to make the house right again, it felt like a just reward and the blonde woman wasn't being fair. How her soon-to-be husband fancied the mom was beyond (y/n) at that moment; she now had a reason to dislike her.

"I'm way upset with you." Was all she said when she turned back to give them one final glare before sauntering away, her heels and pencil skirt giving her a bit more sway and bitch energy to make them feel extra bad. Was that necessary? They already felt like letdowns, adding salt to their wounds was just cruel, not that Henry cared.

Whilst (y/n) felt gutted, Henry took one look at the egg, one look at the house and one look at her before making his final decision. All things considered, tonight had been a blast; he'd had a great manicure, met a cute girl, thrown a great party, raised and lost three thousand bucks and raced against the clock to work with his friends to trick his parents. His night had been like a goddamn movie, he wasn't sorry at all. "Rubber duck!"

"Stop! You know I hate that!" (y/n) sniffed as he chuckled and let all of his guilt go because his mom would get over the egg, there were millions of them and even his dad's one-of-a-kind car was good, that's what mattered. But for the young woman, it was more than that; that must've been the first time she remembered being fired for one reason or another, fired being the best word she could think of to describe this situation. Not getting paid was getting fired in her books--and a new thing.

Henry didn't know how to respond, not when she had her lips turned upwards but her eyes looking so damn sad. This was Ray's department, cheering her up with something went wrong but Ray wasn't here and whether it was his fault or not, he was the only one around to make her feel better for losing out. For starters, he should've let her repair the car, he could admit to that, not trusting her was a mistake.

"Sorry...it's not your fault, you know. The car, the egg, the party, none of it, I should've listened to you." He confessed, looking at his shoes because admitting he was wrong wasn't something Henry did often but when he did, he meant it, especially now. Sure, it had been impossible to predict Ray's sudden appearance at the house, but after everything that had happened, none of it could be pinned on (y/n), who deserved her money more than anything.

"I know, not your fault either. You didn't know that guy was a dick." (y/n) smiled, knocking the kid slightly by putting her knuckles on his arm and pushing his body away. He was still young, still cocky, it was only expected for him to not listen sometimes and for him to be annoying sometimes, so she wasn't gonna hold a grudge or anything. She could never, not with Henry.

"No...but you did." He murmured, her gaze meeting his sorry one. He'd learn that rick eventually, being able to separate the good guys from the bad was one of those things you sussed out with a little life experience and it had only taken her getting kicked down a few times to realise that not everyone out there was who they said they were.

"Yeah, I learned the hard way what happens if you trust someone blindly. I don't want the same to happen to you." She told him, remembering the time when she'd been naive enough to ignore the warning signs until she found herself loving a monster. Never again, lesson well-learned and she wouldn't let Henry go through something similar. Being used is horrible and seeing something like that happen to a kid as sweet as Henry would be awful. Tonight was just a taste of how mean people could really be.

"I'm glad I've got you, then. You know, I've never really had someone to look out for me like you do, like a big sister thing. It's always been me looking out for Piper and nothing else...I don't why I just said that." Henry whispered. He didn't know why he was letting himself appear so vulnerable for a minute but he couldn't help it. He felt safe with her, she actually listened and cared, she knew what to say even if to her it wasn't even that helpful. He was the eldest, the responsible one in the family, no one ever saw it his way until he met (y/n).

"I've got one of those faces. People like to tell me stuff." (y/n) joked, happy to see that she could still extract a smile from the kid after he felt so glum. But she knew what he meant though, he saw himself as the kind of kid who could face the world and sort it all out with a bit of luck and stupid phrase like "rubber duck", people relied on him as the oldest child, big brother and best friend, Henry Hart and more so as the always happy to help sidekick, Kid Danger.

"...And I'm always gonna look out for you, Henry Hart. You're like the annoying kid brother who drives me crazy but I wouldn't give up for the world." She added, smiling at how his cheeks flushed from the embarrassment of hearing something so sappy, and he confirmed it by pretending to hate the hug she brought him into, complaining about the way she ruffled his hair.

He liked it, deep down. Having a big sister was meant to be sweet and icky and annoying sometimes, but always good. She had his back and he drove her up the wall, just as it should be. She gave him a lecture or two and he gagged when she kissed her doofus, that was just how it was.

No one ever said siblings were perfect. No one ever said they had to be blood either.

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cleoenfaserum · 1 year

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The Strange Death of the Twin Gynecologists. A patient’s notes. (By Linda Wolfe)

PART 2 OF 3

LISTEN or READ or LISTEN&READ

But in the end, neither of them did it. Stewart was too shaken and Terrell went to call help and an ambulance. It arrived within minutes, and one of the doctors who came rushing in saw Cyril and said, “Boy! He’s just about had it.”

There is still, I think, some primitive terror of twins that lurks in us. It is so strong that, although we have come eons away from the kinds of superstitions that drove the Aborigines of Australia to murder one or even both of a twin set at birth, or some West African tribes to kill not just twin infants but the woman who had given birth to them, we are nevertheless mysteriously stirred and frightened when twins, born on the same day, die — or worse yet choose to die — at the same shared time. It arouses in us an almost primordial anxiety. How can it happen? It can’t, and yet it does. It happened here in 1952 when two ancient twin sisters were found withered from malnutrition in a Greenwich Village apartment, only to expire within hours of each other and their discovery. It happened in a North Carolina mental institution in 1962 when twin brothers, hospitalized for schizophrenia, were found dead within minutes of each other in separate ends of the hospital. The simultaneous or nearly simultaneous death of twins happens rarely, but when it does, it seems like some mysterious arithmetical proposition far beyond the ordinary computation involved in life and death.

And yet sometimes there was humor connected with the Marcuses’ twinship. Once, when they were interns at Mount Sinai, they had participated in a hospital show, one twin exiting stage left just as his brother entered stage right, dressed alike, moving alike, trick photography in the flesh; it brought the house down. But for the most part, the stories that have accrued around the Marcus brothers are neither humorous nor focused on their attractive looks, nor even on the outstanding gynecological textbook they wrote in 1966.

The words used to describe the Marcuses by even the most psychologically unsophisticated — words like “remote,” “distant,” “icy” — are the classical language used in psychiatric textbooks to describe schizoid personalities. Although some years ago Cyril, when married, displayed photographs of his children in his office, and Stewart was known to talk admiringly of their doctor-father, in the last few years of their life they seem to have felt connected to no one, except, perhaps, to each other. They had always been extraordinarily close and had shared, in their adolescence in Bayonne, New Jersey, and their college days at Syracuse University, the same aspirations, achievements, and goals. Sometimes this caused distress in people around them.

One woman — a physician — recalls the Marcuses well because they were gynecological residents in the hospital where she delivered her first child 20 years ago. She remarked to me: “Having the Marcuses was a horrible experience; one would check with his fingers to see how far I was dilated — standard procedure, but never very pleasant — then he would call his brother, and have him check too. They did this twice. It was painful enough to have two people do it. And unnecessary. I finally had to have my husband demand that they stop this. It was as if one couldn’t have an experience without sharing it with his brother.”

At the same time, the brothers seem to have feared alienating each other. Or at least Stewart feared alienating Cyril. A woman who was Cyril’s patient and grew to dislike his personality nevertheless felt that the Marcus twins had an expertise with women who had previously miscarried and now wanted to give birth. On one occasion she recommended such a friend to Stewart, explaining to her friend that she was sure she would not be able to bear Cyril’s icy mannerisms. The friend called Stewart and said she had been recommended to him by a patient of Cyril’s. Stewart refused to see her. “I can’t take patients away from my brother,” he explained. The woman argued with him. “I am not Cyril’s patient; my friend was Cyril’s patient and she has recommended you.” Stewart, this woman recalled, “grew apoplectic and he said he would never see my friend or me.”

The Marcuses seem to have found in their twinship a proof of specialness, of their unique importance in a world of singletons. Sometimes that feeling was expressed in harsh, cruel ways. I know this because of a conversation I happen — eerily — to have had two weeks before the announcement of their deaths, with a woman who was explaining to me how it had felt to have twins. In retrospect, it seems amazing to me and to Arlene Gross that she and I had been talking about the Marcuses on a rainy Sunday as one of them already lay dying. Mrs. Gross had said to me that afternoon, “I didn’t know I was going to have twins. Still, I suspected it. There are twins in both my husband’s and my own families. But no one believed me. The obstetrician — a Dr. Marcus — certainly didn’t. On one of my visits I told him I thought maybe I was carrying twins, and he got peculiar, hateful and cold. I’ll never forget it. He stared at me and he said, ‘You pregnant women are all alike. Just because you overeat and get fat, you think you are going to have twins.’ He spoke to me with such contempt. It was as if I’d said I thought I was going to have the Messiah, as if giving birth to twins was something too special for the likes of me. Which was funny, since he was a twin.”

There is one essential of personality that emerges in all these accounts, whether they deal with the twins’ closeness, their feelings about their twinship, or their awe of each other. It is that they were frequently hostile, even hurtful, to their women patients. Curiously, in view of their ultimate gaunt condition, they often seemed to insult women about their weight. The woman who gave birth to twins had been told she was fat; still, she was heavy at the time and she felt that the insult had been just, if cruel. But another woman who was five feet, eight inches tall and weighed, toward the end of her pregnancy, 155 pounds — a gain of only 20 pounds over her normal weight — was told by Cyril, “You’re disgustingly obese.”

And there is another common thread in the accounts patients give of the Marcuses. It is that they could not abide disagreement. They seem to have grown paranoid and angry whenever they were questioned. One woman I spoke with tells an anguished story of being scheduled by Cyril for an operation three years ago, only to have had him fail to keep the appointment. She was in the hospital and already being prepped for the operation when she received a phone call from him. He explained to her in ordinary tones that the operation would have to be delayed till the afternoon because the doctor who was using the operating room at present was running late. The woman accepted the explanation. Afternoon came and once again the nurses started prepping her and once again there came a telephone call from Dr. Cyril Marcus. Again, still reasonable, he explained with some solicitude that he could not perform the operation. He would do it the next morning. When he called her the third time — the next morning — he suddenly announced that he had decided to postpone the operation and do a biopsy. “And this was the odd part,” said the woman. “I had always before found him pleasant, nice. When he told me — and later my husband — that now he had decided to do something different with me instead of operating, we felt it was certainly our right to know why he had changed his mind. But once we began questioning him he flew off the handle, became overwrought. He couldn’t brook being questioned. And he spoke so strangely that my husband decided I should just leave the hospital and seek another gynecologist. I did. I had the operation. It was fine. And I never went back to Cyril.”

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macapacaalpaca · 2 years

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Today marks the start of September, which is PCOS awareness month so I want to speak out about something I previously didn’t feel strong enough to fully share - my story.

Please note: this post is not for sympathy, or pity. I want to share my story in the hope that someone might feel comforted or less alone as a result, and I’m here for anyone who is fighting the same/similar or any battle. The reality is - I was diagnosed this year, and it’s been shit.

Polycystic ovary syndrome affects 1 in 10 women and is the most common cause of female infertility.

My journey started when my period had stopped for 2 years and I was concerned about it because I knew it was well past the “stress can affect your cycle” stage. It was the week before my birthday back in March and I decided that since I was about to turn a new age it was best I figured it out and started on a clean slate. I consulted with my doctor and she took bloods. She suspected I had PCOS given my symptoms and sure enough I was diagnosed a few weeks later.

In June I had an ultrasound for my ovaries and abdomen. It was my second (since I had one a few years ago for suspected Crohn’s disease which thankfully I don’t have) and a much worse experience than my first. It was excruciatingly painful and I was left with severe abdominal pain for several weeks after, as well as some marks and bruising which shouldn’t have happened.

They located numerous ovarian cysts at the start. A few weeks later my scan was queried and I was then told I also had another cyst on my spleen. I was referred to two separate hospitals after that - my local for another ultrasound to check my splenic cyst and to one of the major hospitals to consult with a specialist to start a treatment plan for my PCOS.

The pain (due to the ovarian cysts and a complication in my womb) started to get progressively worse, so much to the point that I went to my doctor again a few weeks ago almost in tears, practically begging for something to help the pain because I couldn’t put up with it anymore. I was given metformin and anti inflammatory gel to try and ease my symptoms and so far it’s been a struggle. The metformin didn’t work well for me since I ended up losing all my appetite and was doubled over with nausea for days. I had to stop taking them and at the moment can’t take anything until I get my next hospital appointment.

It’s safe to say that this has been the hardest battle. I’ve always pretended I’m okay when the reality is far from it. I rarely speak about these struggles, only my close friends and immediate family know about my diagnosis because I don’t want to complain constantly. I got the call about the rare splenic cyst just minutes before I had to go to work, I had to run upstairs during shifts because I thought I was going to throw up from the medication, people have started to notice and comment on me clutching my stomach or back when the pain gets intense, all those things add up. And they threaten to eat you inside.

I experience most symptoms daily such as no periods, extreme pain, hair loss, weight gain, nausea, shaking, dizziness and the constant worry of how being infertile may affect my future. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain the pain and heartbreak I felt during my ultrasounds thinking about how I’m going through all of this now but may never get to experience it to see my baby.

When you’re forced to accept that your fertility chances are 20-30% and you’re 3 times more likely to miscarry than the average woman at a young age, it’s just devastating. Infertility is one of the hardest things that you never understand until you go through it. I know people might think “why does she care so much now” when I have no intention of having children yet. In reality it doesn’t matter if it’s tomorrow or 10 years away, it hurts just as much.

I know that this diagnosis has changed me as much as I wish it didn’t. I don’t feel like the same person anymore. The energy and happiness I used to have is gone. Going out partying or clubbing doesn’t feel the same. I put all my dresses to the back of my wardrobe at one stage because I didn’t feel confident or comfortable in my own body due to the bloating. I don’t drink much at all usually, and now have to keep my alcohol intake to a minimum due to medication but then seem uptight for being the only sober one which is disappointing because if you knew what was going on you would see it so differently.

If you know someone who has PCOS, give them a hug. Tell them it’s okay. Tell them you’re proud of them. To every woman who is fighting this battle - I applaud you and you are not alone.

If there’s anything you can take away from this post then please let it be to listen to your body, educate yourself, and get checked out if you’re concerned. Remember that I’m only ever a DM away and I’ll be there with open arms and ears for anyone that needs someone to talk to.

I am 1 in 10. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It’s tested me in every way possible. But that doesn’t mean I’ll give up 🤍

#pcos #pcos awareness #pcos awareness month #pcoscommunity #pcos women #womens health #infertility

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yumpty-dumpty-inactive · 3 years

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liar ♡

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characters included: kazuha ♡

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warnings: pregnant! female-bodied! reader, angst, abandonment, crying, sadness

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pronouns: female-bodied reader, but no her or she pronouns <3

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"kazuha, are you alright?" "hm...? o-oh, yes. i'm fine, love"

he can't shake it. for weeks, this one feeling just hasn't gone away. he feels there needs to be a layer of caution placed upon himself in your presence, a feeling he's never felt, ever. he doesn't yet possess the knowledge as to why this churning in his gut continues to happen, but time will tell, I suppose.

"kazuha, do you, want children? one day, I mean."

the question was harmless and innocent, and at this point, only natural. the two of you had been an item for five years at this point, and were now in your mid 20's. you had recently stumbled upon old friends of yours, who had given birth to their first child. the one thing that startled kazuha, however, was your look. the expression of admiration and envy you wore when watching that child explained everything for itself. he knew, now, what it was you wanted.

"good question, but i'm not sure. I haven't given it any thought."

liar. he had given it thought. much thought. for the past week, that exact thought kept him awake for hours, as he tossed and turned, trying to avoid the thoughts that invaded his mind.

"oh..."

---

he knew it. he knew it the minute you ran up to him, a bright smile engulfing your charming face. the moment you told him you were pregnant, his world crumbled. a family? he'd never had one, and suddenly he had his own? it made no sense.

"you're...pregnant?"

your smile faded.

"y-yes? is there something wrong with that?"

"no, not at all. this is...wonderful news."

"I know right? we're going to be a family!"

"yes, yes we are"

that night, everything seemed darker. the shadows seemed larger, the bed seemed colder, and his mind only ran faster. enough was to be had, and kazuha rose from your shared bed, slipping into his regular attire. slipping out of the bedroom, he grabbed his anemo vision, the glowing orb resting in its case. hand on the doorknob, he sighed, about to head out when he heard your sleepy voice,

"kazuha? where are you going...?"

the sleepy and innocent look in your eyes crushed him, your pure mind completely unaware of what he was about to do.

"just for a walk, love. I'll be back soon"

liar.

"oh, would you like me to come with you?"

liar.

"no...I'll be alright."

liar.

"oh, okay..."

liar.

he watched your form disappear into the darkness, hearing the distant sound of the bed creak, signaling your return to it. he almost felt sorry for you, sorry that he had to abandon you like this. opening the door, he left, not to return.

---

"it's cold..."

that was your first thought. you opened your eyes, only to see his side of the bed empty. the sheets were cold, the warm body of your lover missing. rising from your bed, you searched the whole house, but he was nowhere to be found.

---

it was three weeks later when you received a letter, addressed to you. you opened the intricate envelope, reading the letter:

my dearest (Y/N),

hello, I'm aware that we've not spoken in a while. if you're wondering where I am, which knowing you, you probably are, I shall tell you. I'm away. away on a trip. one I will never return from.

"what?"

I'm sorry I've abandoned you like this, and I know it must hurt. I cannot bear to watch you suffer, but for a family, I am not ready. the chained love that once bound us, I'm afraid is gone. it has faded, and I'm afraid it will not return. like waves on the sea, my mind can change in an instant. I'm sorry it's changed now, of all times.

tears began to spill.

I love you, but not nearly as much as I once did. it's not fair to tie you down in a way such as this, so (Y/N), I'm setting you free.

you sobbed.

you are indeed the last of your kind as I've always told you, and I hope you find someone who realizes that and embraces it, unlike me. before I fully set you free, there is something I want you to know.

when you decide to move on, please, don't let these painful memories blind you. as far as our child goes, please don't reject them. it's not their fault I've left, it's mine. don't let the past remind you of me, let it remind you of better memories.

farewell, (Y/N)

kazuha

you ran. you ran as fast as you could, away. away from everything. from kazuha, from your child, from your house, everything.

you found yourself at the alcor, sprinting desperately below deck into the captain's cabin. slamming the door open, you collapsed, letter in hand, panting desperately. the captain's eyes widened, scooping you up, calling for help while studying your letter.

---

he had watched. he had watched from afar as you opened the letter, breaking down in a state of shock and despair. it hurt him, yes. but he was a liar. he couldn't help it. he was running away. running away out of fear, something he had always done. he was clawing his way out of his pit of despair, only to lose balance and fall into the abyss once again. he told you he'd always be with you, he told you he'd never leave you, but then again,

he was a liar.

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin angst #genshin impact angst #genshin kazuha #kadehara kazuha #genshin kadehara #genshin impact kazuha #kazuha #kazuha x reader #kazuha angst #kazuha x you #kazuha x (Y/N)#kazuha x yn #yumpty post :D!#;____;

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sagasketchbook · 2 years

Text

Ukraine.

It was quiet here last month or so. I wasn’t posting or creating anything. And the reason of this is WAR.

Don’t recall that I ever mentioned here that I’m an artist from Ukraine, living in Lviv right now. If you don’t live on the bottom of the ocean you certainly know that Russia invaded Ukraine right now and we’re in open war now. Of course, the conflict is not new, Russia occupied a lot our our land in 2014 and the war on the Eastern part of Ukraine was ever since. But now it’s a full scale invasion, they’re not hiding behind “it’s not our troops” phrases. They bombing our cities with missiles, artillery and a lot of stuff I don’t even know or understand.

The one thing that I know right now is that I’m not safe in my country anymore. Despite living really far away from Russian (and Belarus) borders, missiles are hitting Lviv as well. It’s 70km from Poland border, btw. It’s really scary to hear an explosion. But a lot more terrifying is to feel it, with your body...

These 39 days felt like years, especially first two weeks. Living in constant fear for your loved ones and yourself, afraid to sleep, not wanting to eat, packing your emergency backpack, shivering from every loud noise on the street. Someone closed a car door too loud? Tram passing by? You neighbour dropped something heavy on the floor? Congratulations, now your heart is beating fast and you’re scared af.

I have friends that escaped really hot spots of this war. They were sleeping in the basement while neighbouring houses being shelled by artillery and air bombs. They miraculously escaped this hell, came to my relatively quiet place. I never forget their eyes of fear every time they hear trams. I had to quiet them down literally every 5 minutes, because they thought that it was a sound of bombs.

Not to mention air alerts/sirens every day. We got used to it. Got used to doing to the bomb shelter couple times a day. Even in the middle of the night. Being wakened by the howling sirens almost every night at 3 am or 4 am is stressing itself. Feels like a torture when prisoners are deprived of sleep. But you need to wake up and go to the bomb shelter, because you never know when it’s your house being targeted.

But the thing that urged me to share my thoughts with you was the one that happen in Bucha near Kyiv.

Kyiv is the capital of Ukraine with more than 4 mil people living there. Bucha is a suburb of Kyiv, some 20 km away. It was a prosperous small city. There were a lot of families with small children, a lot of youth, many of my friend lived there. All of them are IT specialists, programmers, artists, musicians etc. This city (as long with many neighbouring cities) were captured by russians in the first days of war, I guess, in attempt to capture Kyiv itself. But Kyiv did not surrender and these suburbs were under the russian control for over a month. A few days ago they started to withdraw troops from Kyiv suburbs and we saw what they did there. With people. Hundreds of people murdered, tortured, raped.

Russian president claimed that we have nazis here, so we have to be denazified. But in reality they just shoot ukrainian people for being ukrainians.

Russian propaganda for years poisoned minds of people, not only russians, but people in west too. Let me assure you that we don’t have more nazis than any other country. (In reality, our far-right never did it to parliament on any other significant government structure. And The Azov battalion, of which every pro-russians speak, no more than a good soldiers who volunteered to go to war in 2014 because our military was in ruins. As the Azov battalion grew, the denounced their nationalist believes and everything that is left in their ideology is to protect Ukraine from Russian invaders.)

With this being said, it is sickening to see everything that happened on the territories being occupied by russia. Marauders (russian soldiers) were stealing stuff from apartments and houses ukrainians left when fleeing the war. Russians were killing for fun. Not only men. A lot of women and children are dead too. Elderly people were shot on the streets when going out to the grocery store. Cars of people, who wanted to evacuate, were shoot from tanks. These cars had KIDS written everywhere on them. But russian soldiers read it. And they shot anyway. Reading stories from my friends and colleagues are terrifying and unimaginable. And yet it happened, with people I knew, with their families. My colleague lost her sister, who tried to escape occupied city in the car. My friend lost an entire family he were friends with. Mom, dad and a child. All dead, in the middle of the street.

To be honest I’m afraid to look at the photos that are published right now. I’m scared that I might see a familiar face of a friend that I drank a beer with, or of a colleague I worked with...

When I read articles and messages “not all russians”, “it’s Putin war” I want to scream in rage. Was it Putin who shot people in Bucha? Was it Putin who dropped bombs on the hospitals, schools and houses? Was it Putin who raped women and children? These soldiers could disobey orders, could just go home and refuse to take part in all these madness. And yet they stayed. They did everything they were told even when they knew they’re killing unarmed civilians.

And there are people of russia who support this. Don’t be fooled by some of them who say “no to war”. They lived all their lives watching Putin causing one war after another (Chechnya, Georgia, Syria, Ukraine) and did nothing. How could it be that there are more people protesting against the war in Czech Republic and Austria than in Russia itself? You could say that people are scared, of course they are. But how could you change anything without stating your mind? I saw some protests in moscow and st.petersburg. But do you honestly thinking that a 5,000 people protest in multi-million city goes with the phrase “not all russians’? It proves exact opposite, it shows that 80+% approval of this war amongst society is absolutely true.

Russians hate everyone, not only Ukrainians. Russia has a deep history of colonisation no one ever speaks of. Why do you think russian territory is so big? It got it from all the nations it colonised and destroyed. And russia never acknowledged what it did to other nations, wiping out their languages and history.

With all being said... I just want you to keep in mind that war is a cruel and an absolute evil that can’t be excused by anything.

I don’t believe in any god, so I won’t tell you to pray for us. I would ask you so speak for us!

If you are against the war, say it! If you want to help, do it!

If you think about us, thank you from all my heart!

Sagasketchbook from Ukraine.

#ukraine #russia attack ukraine #war

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harfanfare · 4 years

Note

I saw this post and I was wondering if you write Malleus' too, is okay for you to make that?

How to win a heart of Malleus Draconia?

a/n: I started posting my writings here because I want to improve my English — so I technically wouldn't make this request. But! Someone on Wattpad (where I take requests) asked for the same thing, so I rolled up my sleeves and wrote this guide today in both languages. Enjoy~

1. Don't be afraid of him.

It is said that the first impression is the most important.

So when you first saw this guy walking through the corridor of Diasomnia, it was hard for you to get rid of that view from your head.

Illuminated both by the green magic flames set in the lobby, as well as by the moon, which eventually managed to break through the dark clouds and with a bright glow appear in the windows of the dormitory, he seemed... lonely and beautiful.

You shuddered as you took a step down the hallway and the dark-haired man turned to you. He measured you with his emerald eyes. And then you recognized him; all the conversations about the mysterious and fearsome Malleus Draconia flew through your head.

Everything told you to rush towards the hallway and run as far as possible, but a piece of you found it inappropriate. Or rather, no one would want to chase everyone away from themself... right?

When you realized you were looking at him for a while, you took a deep breath and nod slightly.

"Good evening, Draconia-san," you said quickly. After a while you added, "The moon is beautiful today, don't you think?”

2. Smile a lot.

Today was a really wonderful day: the test was postponed, your favorite dish was given in the canteen, and for some reason, the last two lessons were canceled – your class had to make just a quick note about a topic and it took less than fifteen minutes.

"Something happened?" Malleus asked, seeing how almost in the jumps you walk past him. When you looked at him, he added, "You smile a lot.”

"I can stop smiling if you want," you made a sad face, but after a while, the corners of your mouth began to tremble uncontrollably and twisted up again. "Oops, I can’t. Today... it was such a good day... that I think I'm slowly using my life's happiness.”

"I didn't say that smiling is bad," he said. "You look so much better when you smile.”

"Oh," you sighed with apparent surprise. "Is it a compliment?"

"It’s rather a fact..?"

3. From time to time visit him during club activities.

"Is this a class of the ‘Gargoyle research society club’?” with a deaf knock you opened the door. Malleus turned to you, making a break from browsing through the materials gathered in the library about the history of each of the gargoyles on the school grounds. And there were a lot of them.

"Yes," he replied briefly, getting up. "Do you need something, [Name]?"

"Not at all, my club don’t have a meeting today," you said, closing the door behind you.

You looked around: the room was as clean as ever, except for one desk, where were laid several huge volumes about statues in NRC.

“Are you here alone?” You said before you thought. You lowered your eyes to see Malleus nodding unconcerned slightly. You blinked several times trying to think of what else you could say. "This room... could be a secret base," that was the first thing that came to your mind. Malleus turned his head to one side, uncertain of your response.

“A secret base..? Why?”

"I have no idea," you admitted quickly. "But the very existence of a mysterious point is interesting, isn't it? Doing normal things, such as watching movies or just talking, seems more interesting in places like this,” After a moment of silence, you sighed. "You know what, this idea with the base is stupid”

"We can try," he replied with serious tone. You raised your eyes to see how he looked around the room. "But you'll just have to explain this idea to me in more detail. We can also tell Lilia, Silver and Sebek about it...” he smiled as if seeing your five together in his thoughts was a pleasure. "It will be surely... fun.”

4. Get yourself a Tamagotchi.

"Look!" you spin a new key chain on your finger. You finally stopped and showed it to Malleus. "Now they are matching!”

A small electronic toy, in a dark green screen that, when it flashed, showed a virtual, pixelated animal. You were impressed with how good quality it was made, especially since you only gave the Shroud brothers a sketch of a toy that Malleus owned.

Your keychain was exactly the same, just a different color and with another pet.

Malleus pulled out his own device and put it on the table. He pressed one of the buttons and a small pet appeared on the keychain – a dragon.

"They can now be friends," you brought your toy closer to so-called Gao-Gao Dragon-kun.

"Do you think so?" He asked in a very surprised tone, but it sounded as if in a moment he were about to burst out with an inexplicably joyful and surprised laugh.

"Of course. Everyone needs a decent friend, no?”

5. Gain the trust of Lilia, Silver and Sebek.

Lilia, one of Malleus' closest people. It is much more likely that you will meet him before Malleus. He will be very proud when he learns that Malleus has found a friend. If you become a taster of Lilia, in terms of his pastries, he will 100% like you, and at 20% you will leave the kitchen alive and well.

Silver, who has mastered the art of sleeping in any conditions. It's easy to get him into your plans, although with the craziest ones he will hesitate. Rather well-disposed towards everyone, he can cover for you when you are not in class— but he usually inadvertently falls asleep and both of you often have penal assignments after school.

Sebek, faithful to Malleus, if he doesn't like you, you won't have too many opportunities to stay by Malleus's side without a thunderous glances at you. He will recognize you if you will listen carefully to his monologues about his master and as a sign of your friendship, he will teach you by heart of all the titles and achievements of Malleus so far.

With this trio by your side, you can get a lot further than you might have imagined...

6. Be a master in hide and seek.

You’d give your right arm that your breath was too loud.

You pressed your hands to your mouth as you crouched in the corner of the room.

From whose voices you already heard, you knew that Lilia had already found Sebek. This meant that you or Silver would still be helping cook dinner since Malleus didn’t come at the start of the game.

This may seem silly, but the ability to play classic games was one of the elements of the art of survival in Diasomnia.

It was thanks to games like ‘stone-paper-scissors’, hide and seek or tag that household chores fell on the shoulders of the losers. Lilia loved the idea, and there was always a proud smile on his lips when he saw his beloved children play together.

You heard the steps behind you and shivered.

Very slowly you turned around and looked up to see Malleus standing over you and wondering what you were doing, crouching in the darkest corner of the room.

Puns were also included in the survival pack.

Fearing that Lilia would hear your whisper, you put your finger on your mouth, asking him not to say a word. You put a begging eye into it – all but not cooking with Lilia. Not again.

Malleus nodded, recognizing the gravity of the situation, although he smiled.

Really, no one would want Malleus to be an enemy.

Or at least in such a situation.

7. Do not hesitate to ask him for help with learning.

"In theory, you should focus on the space around you," Malleus pulled a wand in front of him. It flashed, and almost at the same time, a thin but incredibly strong protective barrier was created around him. “Weaker spells can be reflected. In turn, the stronger ones are better to block”

You nodded understandingly.

Defensive magic was not something easy to understand. Most depended on the person against whom the counter spell was being prepared. And there are countless people who walk on this Earth and want to start fights.

"Unique spells block or avoid physically," he continued. You nodded at every subsequent sentence, slowly feeling like all the lessons are eventually gaining transparency. “Using unique magic against unique magic, the stronger will win, both will lead to explosions or completely reduce.

He looked at you when you wrote down the last sentence in your notebook.

"I sincerely hope that you will only need this information in class," he said with a sigh. "If you need help, call me. I will come. I promise.”

8. Sometimes be persuaded to wear extravagant clothes.

"Do you really think it suits me?" you turned around, looking at yourself from every possible angle in the mirror.

You were going to the theater in a few classes to see some era-related play that you've been discussing now in history lessons. Everyone, respecting the reputation, actions and achievements of theatre, dressed in their best clothes.

Malleus stood next to you.

He was already wearing a black and white outfit with green accessories. They all worked so well together and fitted him like a glove that you were sure that the whole outfit was made especially for him.

"Yes," he replied. "Everything you put on today suited you very well.”

Once again, with critical eyesight, you looked at the outfit, face and hair, before you quickly turned off the lights in the room and closed the door behind you.

Then you smiled at Malleus.

"We can go now," you said. You made your way through the portal to the main NRC building. "And... thank you for your help.

"My pleasure," he said. Under no circumstances was it just a polite formula. He really loved looking at you.

9. Invite him to your birthday/party.

"Another break from school soon, huh?" — you muttered, leaning against the railing.

You took a deep breath and let the fresh, pleasant air refresh you.

"Are you going to home, [Name]?" Malleus asked. Green lights were still flying around him, so you guessed he’d just appeared here.

"I haven't decided yet," you sighed. "It would be nice to go home, but the break won't be very long... Ah, that's right!” you straightened up and turned to him. "How about spending another break together? As soon as I can, I will contact my family... although I cannot promise anything.”

Though he did not show it, Malleus' heart beat a little faster.

Spend free time? With someone? With someone he likes?

"Of course," he sounded less calm than he thought. He wasn’t often invited anywhere, even for the things he should have been on, so there was a lot of excitement growing in his body. "I don't see anything against it.”

10. From "The Great Malleus Draconia-sama" to "Love".

"Ah, The Great Malleus-sama!" you sighed theatrically, taking from him a box of chocolates with a joyful smile. You could promise that because of this dark-haired boy here, you slowly become pampered. "Thank you for your generosity!”

Malleus frowned.

"The Great Malleus-sama"..?” he pondered, putting his fingers to his chin. "Did Sebek told you again to call me with this title?"

"No," you laughed softly at his reaction. "I did it out of curiosity. Maybe I could call you some cute nickname, hmm?" you smiled mischievously.

"For example?"

"By adding ‘-chan’ to your name?” you turned on your phone and typed something related to the nicknames. You started reading suggestions and struggled to hold back from laughing. ” ’Sunshine’, ‘star’, ‘flower’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘love’...

"I like the last one," he said, and the invisible force stung you to the ground.

"Would you like me to call you like that? Out of curiosity or out of love?" You laughed, but your cheeks were all red with blushes.

He smiled sincerely at your reaction.

"Hmm, I wonder..?"

#i wonder too #malleus draconia #twst malleus draconia #twst malleus #twst x reader #twst imagines #twst malleus x reader #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader #diasomnia x reader #twst malleus draconia x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland imagines #anonymous

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closhelby · 3 years

Text

On and off - Thomas Shelby smut

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Warnings: swearing & smut

Word count: 2.1K

AN: please give any feedback on smut and what you want to see next? Tried a different writing style...

he seemed to be the ex that you couldn’t get over. You couldn’t escape him as hard as you tried, so why were you surprised when he showed up on your doorstep, soaked from the lashing rain that was falling outside at two am.

“You said we were over,” you muttered as you rubbed your sleepy eyes. You were actually awake, feeling sorry for yourself because of how different you wanted your life to be. Somehow you still wanted your relationship to work, despite how much he continued to push you away. You were too good for him, too proper for him, and most of all, you were too nice for him.

These were just assumptions. No one had rarely seen you get wound up, never seen you break or pushed you to that point, because no one needed to. But it was certainly brewing.

“I just wanted to see you,” he slurred.

You sighed, “Ex’s shouldn’t want to see each other though Tommy.”

He pushed the door open slightly, suggesting he came in, and you let him. Gave in to him again. I mean, how couldn’t you?

“Y/n, I don’t want you to be upset.”

“Tommy, if you’ve came here to say the same thing I’ve already heard, then politely fuck off,” you were starting to get annoyed at the assumption you were too nice, because you weren’t. You just gave off that impression. You gave everyone their first chance, as you believed they should, but depending on that, you would give your side. You were caring, but wouldn’t dare to be crossed.

“I’ll always love you, bu-“

“But, I’m too nice. I couldn’t deal mentally with what you do. How you make your money. Well Tommy, you’ve got me very wrong. But that’s your choice, now please” You spoke quickly, “get out of my fucking house.”

You could see the defeat in his face. He meant well, but he was pushing it and you were coming close to breaking point at being nice anymore. He left quickly after that, muttered a bye then disappeared in the horrific night.

The next morning you were awoken with loud bangs coming from your front door. Sighing as you walked towards it, “Tommy, how many times have i to te- oh hi Ada.”

Ada pushed her and baby Karl straight past you, “get ready. It’s happening today, and I’ve got a point to make.”

“Bloody hell Ada. Some context.”

“Billy Kimber.”

“Funeral attire by the looks of it then.” You snorted, and Ada laughed, “yes, the point we are making.” following her into the bedroom.

“Understood,” you agreed, then making an effort to dress solely in black, just exactly how you would if it was their funeral. You and Ada had in fact been friends for a while, you were in Johns year at school and had gotten close to him therefor you were always at the Shelby household. No one expected that yourself and Mr Thomas Shelby would ever become anything, but circumstances change before the war. He promised the world to you in his letters. Always telling you that you both would be married and have children on his return, but deep down you knew that the war changed that outcome and his outlook on life in general.

You had barely gotten time to think before Ada had you storming up the road, in the distance up the empty street you could see a group of men. You and Ada split off as you reached them, both pushing through the men who you assumed were Billy Kimber’s.

“Ada,” Freddie seethed.

“Y/n, what the fuck are you woman doing,” Tommy shouted.

Ada continued to scream, rambling on about people having family’s at home. How they are all worried, and would be attending their funeral. But of course, Billy likes to mock, and made a fly away comment. You were stood at an angle to Billy’s men, so the gun that was in your hand was out of their sight, slightly tucked under your skirt.

Danny Wizz-bang had already lunged towards Billy on the back of his comment. Billy’s men shooting him dead, dropping to the ground instantly. Guns were now raised on both ends, Ada shouting for them to lower them, while Billy moved forward shooting into Tommy’s direction, managing to shoot him in the left shoulder.

Your eyes shot red, without the slightest hesitation, lifted the gun from your stockings, turning and shooting him straight in the head. You got there before anyone else did. The silence was loud as Tommy’s men couldn’t quite get their head around you, the nicest woman they had met, you had just shot someone dead without hesitation.

Billy’s men instantly raised their weapons in your direction, but didn’t shoot, “Tommy and Billy fought fairly. He didn’t win, end of story. Now fuck off” you ordered, turning and marching through the peaky lot before disappearing into the Shelby household.

Not even a few minutes later, the group followed and pulled in a wounded tommy. You didn’t even bat an eyelid, used to this shit, it was his shoulder. He would survive. But it still wasn’t nice seeing him in pain.

You sat in silence, while Jeremiah Jesus worked on trying to get the bullet out of Tommy’s pierced skin, downing whiskey after whiskey. No one seemed to talk to you, instead looked at you with worry. Their outlook on you had changed within the space of 20 minutes.

Tommy was now up, the bullet was now out of his skin and we were then all pushed into the room where Danny Wizz-bang’s body lay before us. You had rarely seen a dead body, infact everyone seemed to shield you from the violence but not today. You stood to the right of Tommy, it didn’t bother you in the slightest. He kept giving you an eye, full of concern, unsure how you were going to act.

You zoned out when Tommy spoke, you had never really spoke to Danny before. So this wasn’t much of a deal to you personally, you were awakened from your thoughts when Tommy was shoving a bottle infront if you, “Danny Wizz-bang,” you spoke, raising the bottle then downing a bit before passing it on to John for him to do the same. It went round the group that surrounded the table, before it got back to Tommy.

The place was lively, full of people drinking, and talking of heading to the Garrison. You couldn’t be arsed, sick of the sight of Tommy looking over at you constantly.

“Why do you keep looking at me?,” you spat. Having enough of him.

“You just killed an enemy of mine without even blinking an eyelid.”

“You all seem to think I’m so nice, eh. Not the right woman for Tommy, eh. Well I’m done being fucking nice.” The pause was loud, as you walked to the door, “and may I add, that did not bother me in the slightest. You all have just shielded me so much you didn’t know how much I could handle.” Slamming the door behind you, turning up to go back to your house.

“You’ve got to give her a chance Tommy. She’s tougher than you think.” Ada advised her older brother. Tommy nodding in response, knowing he was starting to realise what he really had.

You were in your house not only five minutes before he burst the door open, finding you sipping a whiskey on your couch, “I’m not going to keep doing this tommy. This is the second time in two months.”

He had done this before, and like you, couldn’t stay away. He couldn’t bare to walk past you in the street, perhaps you being with another man. It would tip him over the edge that he was already so very close to.

“We’re not going to keep doing it. I’ll give credit where it’s due.” He started to come closer to you, taking your hands in his, pulling you up to him, “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

He took your hand placing it at the back of his neck, twisting his hair in between your fingers. You pulled him into you, pressing a kiss onto his lips. He pulled you in closer, hands holding your waist.

“I love you Tommy. When will you fucking realise that.” You whispered to him, your forehead touching his. He smiled, “I love you.”

He pulled your face into his, his fingers intertwined in your h/c hair. Their tongues intertwined with each other’s, as the kiss deepened. You started to unbuckle his trousers, dropping them revealing his already hard length. You pulled back from the kiss and dropped to your knees, not breaking eye contact as you took his erected length into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip. He let out a soft moan, carfullly moving your hair out of your face. You started to suck on it, bobbing your head up and down, satisfying him, as he threw his head back in pleasure.

He couldn’t wait any longer, he just longed to fuck you hard. He pulled you off your knees, taking your hand into his as he pulled you into the bedroom, pushing you back on the bed as he lifted up your dress over your head. He traced his fingers over your thigh, placing soft kisses as he went reaching your pussy he pulled down your black lace thongs off, you flicked them off your legs. He placed two fingers in between your slit, running up and down slowly, “wet eh?” Pushing his finger into you, slowly going in and out,

“Tommy.” You breathed. He smiled before pushing a second finger and going a more steady pace, pulling them out and sticking his thick shaft into you, thrusting in and out of you at a steady pace. You started to arch your back, gripping at his hands, and he started to increase his pace, beginning to thrust at a rapid pace.

You pulled back, and pushed him back onto the bed, sitting on top of his erect penis, slowly bouncing on the tip, every few bounces pushing it all the way in. He threw his head back, mouth just ever so slightly open, “y/n” he stuttered.

You instantly started to ride him, his body almost non existent, starting to twitch at how close he was becoming. “Make me cum,” he edged you on, “please.”

You give him a smirk, before increasing the pace, he gripped your thighs, rocking you as you took the lead. Bouncing on his cock, was making you very close, bouncing as you both came to the high, falling into his bare chest, both of you breathing heavily attempting to recover from the love that you both had made.

Following the weeks of the murder of Billy Kimber, you noticed a drastic change in how people treated you. People would always still mutter a hello, however would step out of your way, and you were close to being feared just about as much as Tommy himself.

You were walking Into the shop, placing your coat down as you went to make a cup of tea before starting the day. You noticed Polly staring at you, “what are you looking at pol?” You laughed slightly, turning to face her, cup of tea in hand.

“Come here,” she motioned towards you, cupping your left boob into her hand. You furrowed your brows, wondering what the fuck she was doing, “your pregnant. It’s a boy.”

You were in total disbelief, you stumbled back into a chair closest to you, “fuck sake.”

“Tommy’s?” She asked, and you gave her a look of disgust, “yes obviously it’s Tommy’s.”

“For fuck sake”, you moaned, just as Tommy himself walked into the shop. Placing a kiss on your cheek as he walked past into his office, you rolled your eyes at pol who raised her eyes brows in response. Sighing following him into the office, “morning.”

You sighed, “got something to tell ya.” He placed the bit of paper that was in his hands down, turning his full attention onto you. “eh, I’m pregnant”

His eyes went wide, “are ye really?” He smiled, quickly getting up and making his way over to you, taking your hands into his.

“Boy.” You could barely string a sentence together, you knew he would be happy but with how rocky everything was recently you were slightly unsure.

“Boy eh? Someone coming for my crown.” He repeated, “this is great news, now go home. No woman of mine will be working here while carrying my child”, he ordered.

He placed a kiss onto your lips, soft, sweet, “I love you so much, you have no idea,” he muttered to you.

“I love you too, and baby boy,”

“And baby boy,” he repeated, a wide smile spread across his face.

#tommy shelby #cillian murphy #peaky blinders #thomas shelby imagine #tommy shelby fluff #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x y/n #tommy shelby x you #thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby smut

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thewritetofreespeech · 3 years

Text

MC + Cursed Toddler-fied Boys

prompt: All the boys suffer the same fate as Satan by reading ‘The Forbidden Book of Toddlerization’

Lucifer

You have to wonder why they kept so many cursed books around, just out like this. You would think, like any normal person, with this continuing to happen, that they would keep them locked up or something. But no. They just leave them out for anyone to find….

“I’m going to the meeting!” Lucifer yelled, stamping his foot. His face twist in a petulant frown. It would be rather adorable, if you hadn’t been arguing with him for the past 20 minutes

“Lucifer, we talked about this. You can’t go to the meeting. You need to stay here.”

“No! I wanna go to the meeting! It’s very important and everyone is counting on me!” His arms are wailing now as he stamped his foot more.

Of course, you couldn’t let him go to the first of the month meeting like this. His pride would be wounded beyond compare if anyone else saw him like this. But reasoning with him wasn’t working. You had to resort to more, unsavory tactic to win. “But the meeting was cancelled. Lord Diavolo called earlier to let me know.”

Lucifer stopped stamping his feet and waving his arms to look at you with a vacant expression you didn’t know he could muster. “Really?”

Gods help you. “Yes, really.”

He seemed to think about this for a moment before he beamed, “ok!” His mood instantly brightening. “I believe you, because [Y/N] would never lie to me.” ‘Forgive me Lucifer’ You think to yourself. “What are we gonna do instead then?”

“Why don’t we play a game instead to pass the time? Would you like that?”

“I know chess!” He exclaimed loudly. “Let’s play that.”

Of course, knowing and being good at it were two different things. In this state you were actually able to beat Lucifer several times. When he retuned to normal the day was ‘conveniently’ put away for sometime after.

Mammon

“Mammon. Please. I’ll just be gone for a minute.”

“Nooooooo!” Mammon wailed when you tried to get up again. Clinging to your waist tightly to keep you on the couch. “Onii-chan said you had to stay with me! Stay with me! Stay with me!”

After reading The Forbidden Book of Toddlerization, Mammon had, of course, reverted to the personality of a small child. His brother made fun of him, say ‘what’s the difference’, but Lucifer knew that this could be a disaster if he was set to wander free in this state across the Devildom. So he sat you to babysit him.

“Mammon, I promise I’ll be right back. I’m just going to get us some snacks for our movie.”

“Then let me come with you!” He whined, still clinging to you. In this state it seemed he had also taken on the personality of a baby duck. Imprinting on you and following you around everywhere you went in his room. He hadn’t left you alone for 5 seconds since he got this way. “I promise I’ll be good!”

“It’s not a question of you being good or bad Mammon-chan.” He liked to be called Mammon-chan right now. “It’s that you need to stay here. If someone sees you like this well…they could use it to tease you.”

“No…I don’t want to be teased anymore….” His voice was low, and sad. His bright eyes looking on the verge of tears, like kids do when they’re said, before he buried his face into your side. “Mammon-chan doesn’t want to be made fun of anymore. Mammon-chan also doesn’t want to be alone anymore.”

You sigh. Unable to argue with him when he was like this. Your hand lifted to pet his head, which he seemed to appreciate, before you text Satan to bring you some snacks. He was always reliable and would do it for you.

Once the affects of the book had worn off, Mammon denied any of this happening. The mere mention would cause his face to turn red and yell about how, “that didn’t happen!” You almost wish you had taken a video of it to show him. Guess you would just have to keep Mammon-chan forever in your heart.

Levi

You went to Levi’s room after class to check on him in his….condition.

Since he did remote learning a lot of the time, being an otaku, it was pretty easy to keep him away from people so they did see him in the current state he was in. Apparently as a toddler he didn’t like being around people either.

So, you had set him up comfortably in his room before heading to class. Promising to come back that afternoon to be with him.

“Levi! I’m back! How are you—what are you doing?!?!”

“Playing with my toys.” Levi replied, with an obvious expression, as a sea of toys stretch out in front of him where he laid on his belly on the floor.

Your brain stopped. Completely at a loss for words. Levi was going to kill you when he returned to normal, because toddler-Levi, left unattended, had unboxed nearly all of his figurines from their packaging. Some of which were incredibly rare, and unable to get anymore.

“I just…I mean…Why?? Why would you do this??”

“They’re my toys.” Levi replied with a pout. Sitting up. “I can do what I want with them. What’s the point in having neat toys if you aren’t going to play with them??”

He did have a point there. But adult-Levi was going to be so mad!

“Do you want to play with me?” The demon asked with a hopeful expression. “You can even be blue Ruri-chan.” The limited edition, color swap Ruri-chan from 1999. He was gonna blow a gasket!

“Yeah. Ok.” But then again, when were you ever going to be able to touch them again.

As expected, Levi totally lost it when he came to his senses. Of course, there was no one to blame but himself, in the end, so he just had to be upset and mope alone. Thankfully, none of them were broken or beyond just out of their originally packaging. He bought them all clear showcase boxes for his ‘ruined’ figurines. Some of them he could rebuy to replace; which seemed to make him happy to have two.

Satan

It had been hours since the affects of the book had taken ahold of Satan. You were starting to wonder if they would ever wear off.

Lucifer had left in search of another book, one that might help speed the process along, and left his younger brother in your care. Of course you were happy to help, but you were getting nervous you would never see the old Satan again.

“[Y/N]-chan?” You look up from your phone, waiting for Lucifer to text you back, to see the blonde demon looking timidly at you from around the corner.

“What is it Satan?”

“Would you….read to me?” His hands holding out the small children’s book he had some how found in the piles of books covering his room.

You smile softly at him. Your heart warmed by his request. “Of course,” you tell him, and the demon scampered over to sit on the bed beside you. His long legs and body tucked neatly into you as he waited for you to tell him the story of a little lost chicken and it’s journey back home. “[Y/N] tells the best stories!”

After 3 stories, he had fallen asleep. When he woke up, Satan was back to normal. He doesn’t answer your questions on where the children’s books had come from, but you spot the red & gold spines on his book shelves sometimes.

Asmo

There was no denying that Asmo was fascinated by art and all things beautiful. He went on and on about it any chance he got. So you shouldn’t have really been surprised when his toddlerfied self just wanted to draw all day.

“Look, look [Y/N]-chan! I finished another one!”

“That’s great Asmo.” You praise. Just like you had done with all the other ones he had handed to you. “Wow! This is really great! Is that a….chicken?”

“No, silly! That’s the white horse for our carriage when we get married!” The demon beamed, then shuffled over on his knees to instruct you on his picture properly. “That’s you, and that’s me. That’s the princess carriage that’s going to ride us off into the sunset. That’s Solomon and Simeon throwing flowers at us. That’s my brothers crying because I got to marry [Y/N]-chan and they didn’t.”

“You certainly seem to have all the parts here.” You praise. Giggling at his enthusiasm and picture.

“I want to have a perfect picture of when we get married. Because I love [Y/N]-chan! And we’re gonna get married and live happily ever after.” He replied, with certainty, with a smile.

“Well, I’ll be glad for that. Why don’t you draw me our perfect house for after we get married?” Asmo scampered off and did just that.

When Asmo came to, and back to his normal self, he took all the pictures he had drawn and framed them. Forcing his brothers and Solomon to take a tour of his mini-art gallery. The piece ‘Marriage of Two Bonded Souls’ was met with some controversy.

Beel

Beel, in his younger days, seemed to have boundless energy. Or you at least had to assume he did, because ever since he had read that stupid book he had been running around.

Lucifer had told you to take him outside. Irritated at hearing his large feet clump around the house, but trying not to show it since it wasn’t his fault. He even let you both take Cerberus outside to help run Beel out. It would be good for the pup too. Get some exercise, he said.

That had been sometime ago, and it seemed baby-Beel and Cerberus were an even match in energy. They had been running around, chasing each other, and play fighting in the back yard all afternoon. You were tired just watching them.

“Beel! Do you want to come in? I think it’s time for a break.”

Both Beel and Cerberus pop their heads up, in a comical and adorable unison head tilt, before jogging over to you. “Break time means snack time right?!”

You chuckle a little. Somethings never changed. “I brought some apple slices & peanut butter for you, for now. We can get you something bigger when we go inside.”

Beel grinned and sat in the grass with the container. “I like apple slices!”

“You do hn?” You don’t think you’ve seen Beel eat an actual fruit on its own. It was usually attached to, baked in, or covered in something, to get him to eat it.

“Yep! They’re crunchy and sweet. Just like you! Though, I guess you aren’t crunchy. Do you want one of my apple slices [Y/N]?”

You blush a little at Beel’s bright, unwavering expression. How could he look so innocent while still looking like that?

He finished his apple slices, minus one, before asking if he could go play again. You let him, but then all of a sudden he spotted playing with Cerberus and stood straight up. Seeming confused on how he got out here and what was going on. “Did I eat an apple? I haven’t had one since….do you think we have more in the kitchen?”

Belphie

It was honestly hard to tell if Belphie was under the spell of the forbidden book or not. He’d been asleep for most of the time; which was not uncommon for him. Then he would wake up and whine a little about something; again, not uncommon for him. Then he would take another nap.

You had figure out that he was still under it’s spell by the requests he was making when he woke up. Juice boxes. More plushies. His ‘blankie’. Eventually it would run its course though, and Belphie would be back to his own sleepy eyed, grown up self. “[Y/N]?”

You walk over to the bed when the demon called your name. The boy half sitting up, but still tucked under his covers. “What is it Belphie?”

“I can’t sleep.” He stated. Which seemed ridiculous since he had been sleeping most of the day. “I miss Lilli. And Be-be. Can you sleep with me?”

You blink at little at the request. You supposed it made since. Kids often wanted someone to sleep with them, so they didn’t have bad dreams or could keep them safe. Maybe that’s why he had been sleeping so much. Because he hadn’t been sleeping well, just sleep.

“Sure Belphie. I’ll lay down with you.” The demon smiled softly, sleepy, before he scooted over to give you some space to lay next to him.

He slept for a while this last time. Clinging onto you in his sleep, with a soft smile on his face. When he woke up, it seemed he was back to normal. “Gosh [Y/N]. If you wanted to sleep with me, all you had to do was ask. You didn’t have to trick me with that lame book.”

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ejzah · 2 years

Text

A/N: I somewhat jokingly suggested this idea a while back and then decided to run with it.

***

In Miss Blye’s Class

“Have a good rest of your day, Malachi,” Kensi said, waving at the five year old as he walked towards the classroom door, weighed down by a backpack almost as big as he was. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye Miss Blye!” he shouted back. “I’m going to bring my new fish so everyone can see it.”

“Oh, ok.” Kensi nodded even as she planned to send out a message to Malachi’s mom, warning her of his plans to take Fred the fish on an outing. “Caleb, are you a car rider or taking the bus today?” she added to a blonde little boy who was hanging back in the line.

“A car rider,” he answered, flashing a grin with a space in the middle. He’d only been attending the school a couple weeks, but he’d already proved himself an interesting little personality. “I get to see my babysitter today.”

“Ok, well make sure you show mom or dad those papers I put in your backpack when you get home, alright?” He nodded, dipping his head as he walked out the door.

The rest of the class filed out slowly, leaving a trail of random papers, toys they weren’t supposed to have, and other random school supplies behind them. Once the last of her kindergartners was out the door, Kensi allowed herself to expel a long sigh. She plopped down in her desk chair, closing her eyes, and pressed her thumbs in the hollows on either side of her nose.

If someone has asked her 10 years ago if she wanted to be a teacher, let alone teach 20-some 5-6 years old, she would have laughed awkwardly and firmly declined. For years, she’d maintained that she didn’t particularly like children and had zero idea how to interact with them.

Then she’d gotten a job, out of complete desperation, at a daycare the summer after her Freshman year of college. At first, she was completely terrified and out of her element, but eventually, she grew to love it and decided to switch to an early education degree.

She’d be the first to admit that some days she felt like pulling her hair out and quitting. There was always a reason to stay though. Like Malachi and his love for show and tell (even if it meant he frequently brought in completely inappropriate things) or tiny Angelique, who came running in every day for a hug.

Her phone rang and Kensi allowed herself two more seconds before she answered it, recognizing the main office extension.

“Hi Nicole, what’s up?”

“Caleb Deeks was never picked up from the bus rider line,” she informed Kensi. “He’s waiting in the office now.”

“Right, I’ll be down in a minute.” Rolling her eyes, Kensi muttered a few choice words to herself. It had been an extremely long week so far and she really didn’t have the energy to deal with a parent who couldn’t be bothered to pick up his kid on time.

Since they’d just moved in mid-year and she’d been out the day Caleb was enrolled, she knew almost nothing about his family. He’d mentioned having a dog and his dad several times, but otherwise, she was mostly working on assumptions. For what it was worth, Caleb did seem happy and taken care of.

She paused to grab a couple toys and coloring books on her way out, still thinking uncharitable thoughts.

The secretary, Nicole, had the office phone glued to her right ear, short brown hair in a tiny ponytail. She nodded to where Caleb was waiting in one of the large, blue-cushioned chairs, his legs dangling off the seat. His body was half-turned away as he looked out the window, a hand tangled in his shoulder length hair.

“Hi Caleb,” she said, crouching down by the side of his chair. He whipped his head around, his lower lip tucked between his teeth.

“Miss Blye, my dad didn’t come to get me yet,” he told her, worry in his eyes.

“I heard, Sweetie.”

“I hope something bad didn’t happen.”

“I’m sure he just got stuck in traffic or something,” Kensi assured him. “Hey, I brought that puzzle Nevaeh was playing with earlier. You wanna help me with it?”

He eyed her, and the puzzle a little dubiously, then gave her a shy smile from under his bangs, taking the small cardboard box. Once it was open, he instantly started turning all the pieces over, sorting out the edge piece.

“Daddy always does the top and I do the bottom,” he told her while he worked at a section of blue sky with a fluffy white cloud. His tongue crept out every so often as he concentrated, little fingers methodically trying piece after piece. “He says you should do the edges first, then the middle.”

“That sounds like pretty good advice,” Kensi commented. In the end, Caleb completed most of the puzzle on his own, chatting the entire time. She’d learned that his dog was named Monty, he loved the beach, and absolutely hated anchovies on pizza. He was very firm about that point.

“Daddy says we have to take care of the fish,” Caleb informed her about 15 minutes later. The puzzle was finished and now he was coloring a picture from the Little Mermaid.

Kensi wasn’t quite sure when the conversation had shifted from their favorite colors to ecology. Five years as a kindergarten teacher had taught her to go to the flow though, so she made a noise of interest, which he took as apparent agreement. “If we don’t take care of the fish, then they’ll all die and then we can’t surf anymore and I like to surf.” He paused, a purple crayon poised between thumb and forefinger. “And I like fish too. Except for not p’ranas cause they can bite you.”

Kensi found herself grinning at his impressive knowledge base mixed with little kid logic.

“Definitely gotta watch out for those piranhas,” Kensi agreed with faux seriousness.

“Oh, I think dad is finally here,” Nicole announced, the implication heavy in her tone as she nodded towards the parking lot. Kensi craned her neck to see while Caleb scrambled back on the chair, rising on his knees.

Sure enough, there was a tall dressed in khakis and a white button down headed towards the front entrance. His hair blew across his face as he jogged across the parking lot. Nicole buzzed him through and Caleb jumped off his chair, racing towards the door before it was fully open.

“Daddy!” he shouted, launching himself at his dad, who crouched and caught him against his chest just as he made impact. “I thought you were never coming.”

“Hey Kiddo,” he said, holding Caleb’s head against his chest briefly. He sighed, apparently forgetting or not caring that he had witnesses. Now that Kensi had a better look, she saw that his hair was slightly darker than Caleb’s and stopped about halfway down his neck, and currently in a state of complete disarray.

“Mr. Deeks, pickup is at 3:30,” Nicole spoke up, reminding Kensi that she was staring. She stood a little awkwardly, not sure where to direct her attention as Mr. Deeks shifted Caleb onto his hip and approached the desk.

“I’m so sorry Miss Kusbal,” he offered apologetically. “I got hung up at work, which I realize is a terrible excuse, but I promise it won’t happen again.” His face was turned away from her, but he must have been pretty convincing because Nicole tilted her head, one eyebrow arched, and then she nodded.

“I suppose everyone gets a free pass every now and then. Just don’t make a habit of it.”

“I won’t.”

“I’m Kensi Blye by the way, Mr. Deeks,” Kensi added, moving around to his side. “Caleb’s teacher.”

He turned to face her, eyes widening with recognition as Caleb wriggled out of his grip and darted over to the coloring book again.

“Marty Deeks. It’s great to finally meet you, Ms. Blye,” he said, shifting his grip on Caleb to offer his hand. His fingers were warm and firm as they wrapped around her briefly, and she thought she detected a hint of callouses before he let go. “I appreciate you staying with Caleb. He talks about you all the time. I wish I’d been able to meet you earlier.” He paused to run his fingers through his hair, rearranging the curls so they were slightly less chaotic. “It’s just been a crazy couple weeks since we moved here and getting everything settled with the house and work.”

“It’s no problem.” Behind him, Nicole made a face and Kensi flashed her a warning look. “Just let us know next time if you’re going to be running late or if he needs to take the bus instead.”

“Yeah, no, of course.” He sighed a little heavily. “I swear I’m usually way more on top of things than this.”

As if she hadn’t heard that a hundred times before. She managed to hold back any choice comments on that topic though, aware of Caleb sitting a few feet away.

“Sounds like you have a lot on your plate,” Kensi finally settled on diplomatically. He huffed out a soft laugh, giving a shake of his head as he glanced over to his son.

“You could say that. Who knew that moving to a brand new city, buying your first home, and becoming a single parent would be this hard?” he said jokingly, though Kensi sensed his exhaustion underneath.

“Well, I’m sure it will settle down soon.” She paused and then against her better judgment, and it had nothing at all to do with his slightly overwhelmed and downtrodden appearance, added, “If there’s anything we can do to help you get situated and transition, let me know.”

“I appreciate that, Ms. Blye.” He looked at his watch, muttering something under his breath. “Hey Caleb, it’s time to go home.” Grabbing his now finished picture, Caleb obligingly ran back over.

“Look at the fish I colored for you, Daddy.”

“That is the most amazing clownfish I’ve ever seen,” Mr. Deeks told him enthusiastically as he took the rainbow colored picture. He’d also added in a highly creative drawing of a pirate, who seemed to bear a vague resemblance to his dad.

“Can we stop for ice cream first?”

Nope, I have to make dinner and you really, really need a bath.”

“But I had one yesterday,” he protested, grabbing his dad’s forearm and hanging off it like a monkey.

“Uh-huh, and now you smell again.”

“I do not!” Giggling now, Caleb crawled up his leg, balancing on his thigh. It was the most animated Kensi had ever seen him. She felt some of reserve melting away at the obvious bond between the two.

“Alright, we’ll get out of your hair,” Mr. Deeks told them, nodding to Nicole one more time. “And thank you for taking such good care of this orangutang. I really do appreciate it.” He flashed her a half-smile that was more genuine this time before pushing the door open and guiding Caleb through.

“See you tomorrow!” he shouted as he left.

Kensi watched them go, hearing the faint sound of Caleb debating what type of animal he was.

“He’s cute, isn’t he?” Nicole commented from directly behind her, ,asking Kensi jump.

“Nicole, he’s my student’s father!” Kensi hissed, spinning around.

“Which does not negate his cuteness. And I see you didn’t deny it.”

“Ok, I am not having this conversation with you.” She gathered up the coloring book, crayons, and puzzle with the false hope that Nicole would leave her alone.

“Alright. Just don’t think about those pretty blue eyes or that nice smile tonight while you’re home alone,” Nicole said as Kensi left the office.

***

A/N: I know, this is a ridiculous story. I hope you enjoy it!

I don’t want to make teachers come off as judgmental, but I think we can all agree we’ve gotten annoyed with parents now and then.

#ncis la fanfiction #marty deeks #kensi blye #major au #teacher Kensi #single father Deeks #ejzah fanfiction

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absolutepokemontrash · 3 years

Text

MC’s Half Demon and They Look Awfully Familiar Lessons 18-20

Series Masterlist

T-the season finale… *sniffle* it’s been a wild ride y’all… I’ve never actually written and stuck through with something for so long, so this is a real achievement for me! I really hope you guys have enjoyed this completely weird fluffy/angsty/mildly crackhead adventure! Please enjoy the last part!

All is well, the family is back together, everyone’s fine, the school year is almost over-

Wait, the school year is almost over?

Upon realizing that, everyone settled into a state of mild panic.

MC couldn’t just leave, they were part of the family! An integral part! They were the only thing keeping everyone from murdering each other during family game night!

As for Lucifer’s personal feelings on the matter, things were… tough.

When the exchange program was announced, Lucifer expected it to end like most of Diavolo’s ideas: annoying to clean up, it certainly couldn’t have ended worse than when he and the Crown Prince ended up getting cursed to hold hands for 25 hours straight. What Lucifer didn’t expect was for a child he didn’t even know he had to end up as the human exchange student and for his entire life to be thrown out of whack. That child of his was busy finishing up their final paper of the year.

“Hey, father,” MC looked up from their paper with a cheeky smile. “Do you think that the next exchange student will be as fun as me?”

“I sincerely hope not.” Lucifer sighed, continuing to sift through his paperwork on his desk. “Your kind of ‘excitement’ has completely worn me out.”

“Aw,” MC giggled, then went back to work. “So you don’t want me to stay here then?”

Lucifer stiffened and looked up from his paperwork. “Don’t put words in my mouth, MC.”

“So you do want me to stay. Interesting~” MC said as they began to sweep the eraser shavings off their paper. “Well, if you want me to stay so badly, you could have just asked.”

“P-pardon?” Lucifer blinked a few times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. “You want to stay?”

“Since you’d be so sad without me, I guess I just have to don’t I?” MC stood suddenly and slapped their finished essay on Lucifer’s desk. “The sacrifices I make for this family, I swear!”

We stand with you, MC, sacrifice your sanity for your weird-ass familia.

Anyway, Lucifer was thrilled that MC wanted to stay with him in the Devildom, the problem was… MC’s other parent may not have been too keen to just give up their baby.

You know, the demon child they raised all by themselves, with no help from Lucifer because he didn’t know MC existed…

Someone get MC’s ren on the phone! Stat!

“Alright dear little brothers of mine, listen closely because I’m not repeating this.” Lucifer looked over the living room couches at the other six rulers of hell. Belphie was sprawled out on one of the couches and was drooling all over Beel’s lap, Satan was making a point to look as disinterested as possible and kept sneaking glances at the book he was holding, and Mammon was wrestling Levi dangerously close to where Asmo was filing his nails.

Sighing in defeat, Lucifer continued. If any of his brothers misbehaved he couldn’t say he didn’t warn them. “MC‘s parent will be coming to visit.”

Everyone’s attention snapped to Lucifer. Wonderful.

“They’ll be staying for a few days and will decide if it’s in MC’s best interest to primarily stay in the Devildom from now on.”

Asmodeus slowly raised a hand. “Luciiiiiiferrrr!”

“Asmo, is your question overly personal in nature?”

The Avatar of lust brought a manicured nail to his cheek and daintily tapped it. “Mmm… I don’t think so.”

“Ask.”

“How long were you and MC’s parent dating for? Won’t it be awkward to be around your ex?”

Lucifer dragged a gloved hand down his face. “It was a one night thing.”

“Really?” Asmo knitted his eyebrows in confusion. “It wasn’t a long drawn out forbidden romance? You must have had some Olympic swimmers down there!”

“Okay!” Lucifer clapped his hands. “Add that to the list of things Asmo is not allowed to say.”

“We have to take something off the list then…” Beel said through handfuls of chips. “The list’s full.”

“Fine,” Lucifer grumbled. “He can say [CENSORED] again.”

“Yippee! [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]”

The group collectively groaned as Asmo continued to spout his profane nonsense.

“What did I just walk in on..?” MC stood in the doorway to the living room, still in their PJs.

“Oh, MC, your parent’s coming over to stay for a few days.” Lucifer quickly explained.

MC’s face morphed from confusion to horror. “What does that have to do with [CENSORED]?!”

This house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE-

Anyway, after the initial confusion/horror, MC got really excited and rushed off to get ready. Meanwhile, the boys solemnly swore that they would be on their best behaviour!

Everyone needed to convince MC’s parent that everything in the Devildom was perfectly safe and that their little hellspawn was in good responsible hands.

Mammon tried to come up with a plan in case MC wasn’t allowed to stay with them, and let’s just say it involved kidnapping. But like- a chill kind of kidnapping where MC would be totally fine.

This idea was immediately shot down in favour of Beel’s plan B.

Beel would just… eat MC’s parent. No biggie, right?

Lucifer shot that one down the moment he heard it.

The only accepted plan for if MC wasn’t allowed to stay was just letting them go. They’d visit the Devildom. A lot. Many visits would be necessary.

So, the hour of MC’s ren’s arrival had come, and the student council assembled to greet them.

Greet the human. The completely non magical human. Greet them and then let them see the Devildom…

Was this exchange program really that good of an idea..?

MC frantically attempted to do some last minute fixes to their hair as they sat themselves down in their seat in the Assembly Hall. Ugh… stupid hair…

“Why are you so nervous?” Satan asked. “Is our visitor a neat freak basket case?”

“No!” MC huffed. “They’re not! I’m just making myself presentable so they don’t think I’ve gone completely feral down here.”

“Well, feral no, crazy, yes. Have you seen yourself lately?” Belphie snickered.

“SHUT UP BELPHIE.”

“Would you all be quiet?” Lucifer snapped. “You’re all acting like children.”

“I am a child.” MC snapped back. “What’s Belphie’s excuse?”

Belphie’s retort was cut off by the portal opening and a figure leisurely floating to the ground. They had an open parasol in their right hand that seemed to be aiding their gentle descent, and a large container full of what smelled like cookies tucked into their left side. The moment their toes touched the floor, the human gracefully closed their parasol and gave the assembled demons a sparkling smile and a polite bow.

“Thank you for allowing me the honour to visit,” the human’s voice was as soft and sweet as Cotton candy. “It’s a pleasure to officially meet the princes of hell themselves.”

:D yay!

After floating down from the sky like Mary Poppins, MC lost all sense of propriety and ran over to tackle their ren into a hug. It was that kind of thing where you really miss someone but you don’t realize exactly how much until you get to see them again.

Lucifer was, of course, the picture of elegance and “this isn’t awkward at all”-ness.

MC’s parent didn’t even seem to be all that concerned with the fact that their baby daddy was, y'know, LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR. THE MOST POMPOUS FUCKWAD IN THE DEVILDOM.

Please don’t tell him I said that, he’s still mad about the Go Fund Me…

MC was absolutely ecstatic to finally show their parent how much they’ve grown in terms of their demonic powers and all the friends they had made, but MC’s ren was more concerned with how much they had grown in terms of their height.

“You’re just so tall now,” MC’s ren giggled as they fixed their child’s hair. “You’ll get things off of shelves for me, won’t you?”

“Yeah yeah,” MC said, rolling their eyes good naturedly. “Like you can’t reach anything in your kitchen.”

“Okay,” Mammon, Satan, Levi, Belphie, and Beel were lagging behind Lucifer, MC, their parent, and Diavolo. “Change of plans, we ain’t eatin’ ‘em, we’re keepin’ ‘em.”

“We were never going to eat them in the first place, idiot.” Satan sneered. “And what’s with the change of tune? You were ready to wage war on the human world fifteen minutes ago.”

“…cookies happened.” Mammon mumbled. He had only gotten one of the human’s totally amazing offerings before Beel proceeded to eat everything. The cookie was perfect… so delicious…

“I say we keep the human.” Beel put a hand on his stomach. “I want more human world cookies.”

“They’re so cute too…” Asmo cooed. “A solid 10/10, and that’s such a rare ranking coming from the only 20/10 in existence!”

“Asmo, your vanity never ceases to make me want to roll over and-” Belphie’s insult was interrupted by him passing out and letting out a cartoonishly loud snore. It was a good thing Beel was able to quickly catch and throw Belphie over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes.

“Asmo has a point, they’re just so totally moe! Kawaii to the highest degree! That parasol, the homemade cookies, it’s just like something from a slice of life anime!” Levi squee-ed.

“So it’s settled, we treat ‘em nice, then we get ‘em to stay.” Mammon nodded to the rest of his brothers, who for the first time in the Demon King knows how long, his little brothers nodded back in full seriousness. They were actually doing a Mammon plan! Holy shit!

So, the brothers liked MC’s ren, what about Diavolo and Barbatos?

Well, MC’s ren had heard all about Barbatos’ amazing cooking from MC and Barb’s totally outstanding reputation, so the two got along swimmingly.

Dia. Loved. That. Human. They’re cute???? They’re sweet???? They brought COOKIES???! They don’t seem to be afraid of him at all????? Please be the exchange student next year :D

Oh yeah… he made a rule that said they couldn’t summon someone with kids… it would be cruel to rip a parent away from their child…

But apparently not a child away from their parent cough cough

Other than the uncle squad, MC’s ren got to meet the Purgatory Hall gang too!

MC was being just the most adorable tour guide, but that didn’t stop Lucifer from having a miniature heart attack any time a demon even looked at MC’s parent the wrong way. If MC’s ren got attacked or felt threatened in any way shape or form, he could say bye bye to his time with the one person in the HOL that didn’t live to make him pop a forehead vein. The human seemed outwardly unconcerned with any Devildom oddness and was amicably chatting with Diavolo while MC pulled them from place to place.

“And that’s Hell’s Kitchen, they have good sandwiches, and that’s Madame Scream’s, they have really good macarons.” MC helpfully pointed out the places as they passed them.

A much to familiar trio of voices called out from down the street. Father dammit, why were they here..?

“Hello Lucifer, what are you all up too?” Ugh… Simeon…

“From the sight of the rest of your brothers skulking about, it appears like they’re acting as bodyguards.” Solomon…

“MC? Who’s that?”

Oh good grief… that nasally little voice… the chihuahua was near… Now… Lucifer was a respectable demon… respectable demons don’t tease children in front of the parent of their child…

“Hello chihuahua.”

DAMN IT HE COULDN’T HELP HIMSELF!

“I’m not a chihuahua you demon!” Luke yapped.

MC’s parent daintily tilted their head and looked over at MC. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

“Right, Luke, this is my ren, ren, this is a chihuahua.” MC grinned cheekily as they gestured between the two. Lucifer suppressed a laugh which resulted in a very ugly snort. It was a good thing the sound was drowned out by Luke’s exclamations of betrayal.

The chorus of “how could you?!”s and “I thought you were over that awful nickname!”s was put to an abrupt halt when the visiting human elegantly offered a handshake to the fuming angel.

“MC spoke very highly of you,” they chirped. “It’s very nice to meet you, Luke.”

Luke blinked a few times, then quickly straightened his posture, adjusted his hat, then shook MC’s ren’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“That’s Simeon.” MC jerked a thumb in Simeon’s direction. “And that’s Solomon.”

“Luke got a whole introduction and we get that? Come on MC, I thought we were friends.” Solomon fake pouted at MC after giving a polite nod to MC’s parent.

“We stopped being friends after one of the potions you had me test out turned me into a-” as quick as lighting, Mammon had shoved his hand into MC’s face.

“A-ah, MC’s rememberin’ stuff wrong, nothin’ potion related happened to ‘em. Right, Solomon???!”

Taking the hint from Mammon, Solomon smiled and nodded. “Nope, nothing related to turning MC into a frog for a few hours.”

“Hm, well I’m quite happy that absolutely nothing frog transformation related happened.” MC’s parent said.

“Yeah, must’ve hit their head on somethin- YEEEOW!” MC had bitten down on Mammon’s hand and slapped it away from them.

“I did not hit my head on anything!”

“Yeah,” Beel nodded. “Nothing’s hit them since the Fangol ball.”

“The what ball?” MC’s ren asked.

“The Fangol ball that hit MC a few months back and broke their glasses.” Five of the brothers slapped their hands to their foreheads.

“Oh my…”

“Eh,” MC patted their ren on the arm. “That’s nothing compared to the giant snake at the retreat.”

“Oh! Do you mind letting me tell that story, MC?”

Lucifer was frantically signalling for Diavolo to stop talking but the crown prince was already beginning his retelling of the events. Luke would chime in with an anecdote from an even worse misadventure the two had gone out on every once and a while. This… this wasn’t going well at all…

MC’s ren was… weirdly chill about the whole thing…

“Oh, it’s so nice that you’re having fun, sweetheart. That reminds me of when I was young and your aunt Clytemnestra and I would go out and have adventures.” “Really? You went on weird adventures too?” “…what kind of adventures could possibly compare to being chased by a giant snake in an underground labyrinth..?”

The side characters ended up needing to abscond for various reasons and all that was left was the brothers, MC, and MC’s parent.

They made it to the HOL without issue, which is when Lucifer remembered that he did not put all the cursed objects out of reach… shit.

“Asmo… Asmo!” “What is it?” “Take MC’s ren out of the house in half an hour, keep them occupied in the living room!” “What? Why?” “I need more time to human-proof the house! Distract them, but no funny business!” “Dear brother, for the first time in a very long time funny business is the second thing on my mind! Wait… no, it’s the third… what have I become..?”

Asmo and Satan, super graciously by the way, led MC and their ren to the living room to distract- I mean entertain them for a bit!

Lucifer and the rest of the gang got to work moving certain things around and closing certain doors- shit where was Cerberus?! Did Lucifer forget to walk him that morning?!

So much to dooooooo…

So maybe bringing a human into Majolish and letting them roam around unsupervised wasn’t the best idea Satan and Asmo had, but it sure as heck was an idea. MC looked through shelves of hairpins and bracelets while their ren disappeared around a corner to look at scarves.

“We’re doing such a great job babysitting!” Asmo clapped his hands. “If MC had just been a normal human I bet they’d last the entire year under our care.”

“Hm, you might be right.” Satan smiled and nodded. “Humans are surprisingly entertaining.”

“Yes… speaking of, where exactly is the human?”

The sudden sound of metal slamming against flesh and the delayed sound of something incredibly heavy hitting the floor jolted Asmo and Satan from their conversation.

“Honestly, some people have no fucking manners!”

It was such a different voice than what Satan and Asmo were used to that the only thing that tipped them off to it being MC’s ren was the fact that MC began to giggle. MC’s ren stepped back into view carrying a metal staff that quickly transformed back to their parasol.

Asmo and Satan rushed over to check if their defenceless little human guest was okay, only to find some lesser demon passed out on the floor with an incredibly nasty bump on the side of their head.

“I’ve heard that humans are apparently quite delicious to demons but I didn’t expect someone to actually try and eat me.”

“I-um…” Satan sputtered, looking from Asmo to MC’s parent. “We’re uh…”

“You alright, ren?” MC called from over by the bracelet shelves.

“Yes, I’m alright.” MC’s ren gave the fourth and fifth born a calming smile. “No harm done, well, except to that poor bastard. I do hope I haven’t killed him… that would be such a nasty thing for the poor sales associates to find.”

Okay so maybe the defenceless human wasn’t so defenceless. That was a good thing… right?

“So where exactly did you manage to get your hands on such a weapon..?” “Ah, I come from a family of witches. This was a college graduation present.”

…doit doit seems legit.

The four made it back home just in time, Lucifer and the others had finished human proofing the house.

Yay!

The house tour went by smoothly, everything was all well and good until Beel and Belphie asked MC’s ren to make more cookies.

Oh god dammit the human said they would.

“Oh Beel, you shouldn’t eat the cookie dough raw… the eggs and raw flour will make you sick!” “Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. Besides, it’s best not to interrupt Beel while he’s eating.” “Yeah it might end like the custard incident.” “Custard… incident?” “MC and Mammon ate my custard and I ended up breaking the wall that connected to MC’s room.” “Hunger tantrums, am I right?”

After that it was Mammon and Levi’s turn to babysit. It went about as well as you’d think.

Levi explained some anime plot in an attempt to make it seem like the Devildom was totally safe and that MC and their ren could stay forever no problem, while Mammon desperately suppressed the urge to swipe the cool parasol.

Finally, it was time for the verdict. Would MC be allowed to stay in the Devildom..? Or would they go back to the human world..?

“Lucifer?”

The demon in question looked up from his paperwork and tried to nod in the most casual way possible. MC’d ren was standing in the doorway, Lucifer must have missed their knock. “Yes? Do you need something?”

MC’s ren smiled and nodded. “It’s about MC’s living situation going forward.”

Lucifer stiffened and got up from his desk. “Y-yes… what about it?”

“MC has expressed that they want to stay here full time with frequent visits to the human world.” The softness that their voice had earlier in the day was completely absent as the human stepped forward into the study and closed the door behind them. “I want to know what you think about that.”

“Well,” Lucifer cleared his throat and tried to shake off the stupid sense of nervousness that had wrapped itself around him. A weak little human’s decision should not make him so anxious! “I would like for MC to stay here as well, I think it would be best for them.”

The human raised an eyebrow and twirled their parasol in their hand. “Really now? In your year with them you truly believe you know what’s best for them?”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed. “Yes. I do.”

MC’s ren went quiet for a few seconds before replying. “I see.”

“And that means..?”

“I knew this day would come, but I didn’t think it’d be so soon.” MC’s ren sighed, and for the first time all day, they actually let their exhaustion show. “I raised MC knowing that one day they’d end up in the Devildom. They’ve told me over and over again how much they like it down here…” the human took a deep breath and slowly shook their head. “If this is what they want… then I give my permission for them to stay with you.”

A wave of relief swept over Lucifer as he finally took a breath. “Thank you.”

“Mm… I’m going to have to use my favour though.”

The relief completely vanished as the Avatar of Pride’s blood ran cold. Memories flooded back from the one night the pair had spent together, the human had offered a cursed record to him that he had spent decades trying to find, in exchange, Lucifer let them have one favour. A favour from a demon was like a single pact order, Lucifer had to do literally anything this human wanted.

“Protect MC, even if it costs you your life.” The human’s words were careful and measured as Lucifer felt the order sink in. “You’ll do that for them, right Lucifer?”

Lucifer nodded as life flooded back into his limbs. “I would have done it without the order.”

So, the brother’s plan to make MC’s ren stay forever failed because they were going back to the human world with MC for summer vacation. Listen, it was needed, MC needed to see the sun lest they shrivel like a sad houseplant.

At least Lucifer technically had primary custody of his little heathen! Victory!

MC said their goodbyes to the friends they had made over the year as they prepared to leave for the next two months, it was filled with so many bone-crushing hugs that MC was surprised that their spine didn’t snap.

MC and Luke had lagged behind the much larger group as they made their way to the assembly hall. MC’s ren was dazzling the miniature crowd with stories of just how adorable MC was as a little kid. The half demon rolled their eyes and silently mourned the loss of any cool points they had gained over the year. Their little companion was oddly quiet, MC lightly nudged him and smiled.

“Aren’t you happy to be going home? You’ve been griping about being stuck down here the entire year. Don’t tell me you’re getting sappy, Luke.”

Luke puffed his cheek out and crossed his arms. “Of course I’m happy to be leaving, the Celestial Realm is the best place ever, the Devildom is completely terrible in every way.”

MC smirked and rolled their eyes again. Just let the little guy go on his rant…

“But… I am going to miss you…” Luke mumbled, MC’s eyebrows shot upwards as they turned their head to look at him. “Th-thanks for being my friend down here… MC. You’re… you’re really nice.”

To their absolute horror, MC felt a lump form in their throat. Oh dear Grandfather… the chihuahua was what broke them?! They quickly looked around to see if anyone was paying attention, then quickly pulled Luke into a hug. The hug was over as fast as it began, but it seemed that Luke didn’t particularly care and was more shocked at the sudden bout of affection.

“If anyone, and I mean anyone asks, I didn’t hug you.” MC murmured, quickly swiping at their eyes.

Luke nodded, a small smile spread across his face. “Got it!”

So the side characters left… *sniffle* everything’s okay… the DDDs work in any of the realms… they could still talk.

Soon, it was time for the final sets of goodbyes…

“Come on, Bean, we’re going to the human world!” MC tried to take the cat from Satan, who didn’t move a muscle.

“If you think you’re taking the cat from here, you’re delusional.” Satan’s smile didn’t leave his face, but the force behind his words was almost enough to make MC back off. Almost…

“My caaaaaat!” MC whined, they ended up getting lightly pushed away by Satan.

“Remember, the summer’s a good time to catch up on anime!” Levi advised. “There’s 24 hours in a day, and an average anime episode is 22 minutes long, you have loads of time!”

“I’ll keep up with my anime only if you promise to listen to the Death Note musical, Levi.” MC giggled and patted Levi on the shoulder.

“Remember MC, take care of your cuticles and your skin.” Asmo took MC’s hand and checked their fingernails. “They were an absolute mess before you got here, so I expect you to keep up your routines this summer!”

“Yeeeeeeeeeeees siiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr.”

“Bye MC,” Beel handed MC a half opened cup of custard. “I almost ate it, but I didn’t. Make sure you don’t skip any meals this summer.

MC jumped up and gave Beel a quick hug. “Thanks Beel! I’ll be sure to enjoy the custard!”

“Bye, MC. See you next year.” Belphie stood awkwardly stiff, not exactly sure what to do. MC pursed their lips, then quickly wrapped him up in a hug.

“Bye Belphie, I hope all your pillow forts are structurally unsound.”

The avatar of sloth snickered and rested his head on MC’s. “I hope you get really comfortable and are fully ready to go to sleep, then realize you have to pee.”

MC gasped in fake offence and swatted Belphie on the arm.

Mammon put both his hands on MC’s shoulders, his face unusually serious. “Do ya remember what the great Mammon took painstakin’ effort to teach ya?”

“Payday loans are scams, witches are scary, bowline knots are the easiest to undo, don’t wear reflective sunglasses to a poker game aaaaaaaand…” MC grinned mischievously. “Any plan thought up by the Great Mammon should be subject to intense revision.”

“That’s ri- hey!” Mammon laughed and shoved MC towards Lucifer.

MC looked up at Lucifer, the pride demon looked down at them fondly. He reached out and gently ruffled their hair. “I’ll see you next year, MC.”

“Y-yeah…”

Lucifer crouched down slightly to get to their level and gave MC a smile. “I’m very proud of you, you’ve been an immense help this year. Thank you for everything.”

“Thanks for not being a stereotypical supervillain dad, father.” MC smiled softly and fixed their glasses. “Loveyoubye!”

MC turned and rushed to their ren’s side as Lucifer let out a soft chuckle.

“I love you too, MC.”

As Barbatos readied the portal to send the pair to the human world, MC couldn’t wipe the grin off their face. Geez, if this year was a metric mess of fun and insanity… what was the next year going to be like? The half demon’s grin morphed into a bit of a smirk. No way in hell their next year in the Devildom was going to be as insane as their first year.

MC almost giggled as they gave their family one last wave. That wasn’t the time to think about the future, besides, MC knew that it would take two insane chaotic humans to be summoned into the Devildom to even come close to the chaos MC managed to create, both on purpose and by accident.

And what were the odds of that happening?

——————

Authors Note: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ITS DONE SEASON ONE IS DONE!

I wasn’t able to fit the Anti Lucifer League stuff into this one, I’ll put it in a separate fic later!

I NOW NEED TO WORK ON GETTING THROUGH SEASON 2 IN THE ACTUAL GAME. To get mildly serious for a second, thanks to everyone who has stuck around to listen to me spout my fic-y nonsense, you all are nerds (affectionate) and I love you.

#obey me #obey me!#obey me! shall we date?#obey me shall we date #Obey me Headcanons #Obey me fic #Obey me! Headcanons #Obey me MC #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Mammon #obey me beelzebub #Obey me Belphegor #obey me leviathan #Obey me Asmodeus #Obey me Satan #Obey me Luke

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