#I hate dentists too so... you know just another thing to add to my list of horrible character development

[patheticblorbloscholar]

I just broke a fucking tooth. The 2020s hate me and my pursuit of happiness.

[aesthbaby]

Attention

Summary: Emily is in love with you, an agent from another division. What will happen when you’re involved in a case?

Pairings: Emily Prentiss x Plus size reader

Request: right here I’m going to be writing this request twice because this is the female reader version and I wanna be inclusive so I’ll write a gender neutral one too. This is only PART ONE. Part two should be out on either the 11th or 12th

Warnings: Cursing | Mild descriptions of a fictional case

Wordcount:1k

Masterlist

“Agent y/l/n will be presenting the case.” Agent Hotchner announces while walking into the conference room. You glance over to your girlfriend but say nothing since the team doesn’t know you’re dating. (Or that she’s gay.)

You quickly glance over to Penelope. “Sorry Pen.”

“You’re fine. Guess I’ll have to learn how to share at some point.” She smiles up at you while patting your arm. You flinch at it for some unknown reason. That was weird.

“Agent y/l/n is on loan to us from the Arts and Communication division. Some of you may know them from the times our cases crossed. Today, they’re here to assist us on our latest hate crime case.” He nods for you to start.

“So far we have five female victims from age 21 to 40. Cause of death is a  poison called Strychnine. Delivery method has drastically varied.” You click a button on the remote and images of the deceased appear. “The local M.E. determined Jenna Marshall, 24, had the chemical laced in her food. Second victim, 32 year old Maria Nino, absorbed it through her skin. Same for our third victim  Alexandra Cordon, age 27. Our fourth victim, 40 year old Kelly Jones, had it injected directly into her blood stream.” 

The young doctor of the room interrupts you. “Injected?”

“Yes Doctor, Injected.” You put another image on screen. “She was a high functioning heroin addict; somehow the unsub got it into her stash.”

“High functioning?” That came from the darker Agent whom you’ve only met once.

“Yes. Miss Jones was a Criminal Defense Attorney with a 63% success rate.”

“What were the occupations of the other victims?” JJ, the blonde mom asks.

“Marshall was head chef at the four star restaurant Sundial. Mrs. Nino was a dentist at Shrinner Dental, Cordon was a freelance I.T. specialist, and our fifth victim, Debe Oxe was a Flight Engineer.”

“All high paying jobs...” Agent Rossi trails.

“Could money have been the motive here?” Morgan brainstorms.

“I thought the same thing until...” You scroll to the full length pictures of the women. “I realized that they all have the same body type. That’s where the Hate Crime part comes in.” As a dull silence fills the room you realize that they’re no longer looking at the screens. “Is something wrong?”

“Y/l/n,” Emily starts. “They all look like you.”

You let out a short laugh at that. “No they don’t.”

Everyone just looks at you funny. Then Morgan speaks up, “Similar hair color, same eye color, and not to mention body type.”

“No. Victim number two has lighter hair.”

“But only by a shade or two.” Jareau adds.

“Like Morgan said, its the eye color too.” Penelope contributes. “Can’t deny that.”

“There’s seven billion people in the world. A lot of people have my eye color.” Agent Hotchner is shockingly silent during this whole ordeal. 

“Actually its 7.8 billion.” Reid corrects you.

Derek looks like he wants to say something so you quickly interject. “Agent Morgan, all due respect, if you say me and the rest of the victims have the same shape, I will take offence.” You were joking of course, but he doesn’t know that.

“No no I wasn’t saying that.” He stutters.

Emily says something but everything’s all jumbled. Like your head is underwater.

“Y/l/n.” Hotchner calls your name firmly.

It scared you for some reason. Then your jaw felt kind of tight so you barley choke out a, “Yes--sir?”

“What do you think about Agent Morgan’s theory?”

What do I think? I think he’s a total douche for calling me fat. Shit...what’s wrong with me? He didn’t even say that. “It was highly suggestive of him to propose that the victims resemble me.” Everyone is still looking to you to respond like you didn’t actually say anything. Then it dawns on you, you didn’t. You just said that stuff in your head. Shit, the symptoms.

Your jaw is so tight and the back of your neck is starting to ache. Its getting harder to breathe. “I don’t-” You reach around to the back of your head and rub it gently. Muscle pain and soreness.

You can hear Reid’s voice in the distance but you’re not comprehending anything. Agitation.

Penelope’s arguing with Morgan about something. Apprehension or fear.

Hotchner is attentively listening to their consultations. Ability to be easily startled.

Jareau is flipping through the case file while talking to Rossi. Jaw tightness.

 You hear your name being called but its like you can’t respond. Then you see Em staring at you. You suddenly feel everything crashing down on you at once. Your stomach is doing something funny and now your throat feels like its burning. That wasn’t one of the symptoms. Its not the same feeling as burning but more like cold. I’m not even making sense anymore. You’re scared, something doesn’t feel right. Fear. You keep repeating the symptoms in your head, hoping you’re missing a few and that this cannot be happening to you. You pop an eye open and see that the agents are still talking. You’re trying to call for help but its like the wind has been knocked out of you. Difficulty Breathing.

“I-” As soon as you can choke something out you feel something rising in your throat. You double over in pain and watch as your insides tumble out. All you see is red, feeling bad for whoever has to clean this up. I should do it, shouldn’t I? It feels like your entire body is giving up on you, your head isn’t working right, and you overall feel like complete shit. When you open your eyes again you spot Emily’s shoes running towards you. You look back at the floor, clutching your abdomen. Is that my blood?

Everything goes black.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･**･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*˚✧₊⁎ ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟ･*:.

Taglist  (Like my Emily taglist to be added, or you can send me an Ask located in the top right corner of my profile. You can also ask to be removed if you’d like)

@iamyouknow-yours @mortallythoughtfulgurl @spencerreidistoocute @andreaxxg13 @vivianabakshani @garcias-batcave @davidrossiismydad @ssacandi-ass-prentiss @criminalmindsmoodrn @miidguardian-exe @thestrawberrygirl @lisztomaniacalice @aaron-hotchner187 @fanfictionfangirl04 @mys2425​ @afuckingshituniverse @nomit16 @rabid-wild-misfits @justaghostmonument @ millipop18 @supercorp8388 @groovygoob @emilyprentisswife @thiscovetedcoven Some of these don’t work anymore so i have to update the list again : (

[antihero-writings]

The Boy with the Unspeakable Name (Ch6)

Fandom: Harry Potter (and the Chamber or Secrets)

Fic Summary: Tom Riddle may have won his battle with Harry in the Chamber of Secrets, but there were a few unforeseen consequences; loss of Tom's memory being the most obnoxious of them. Is it possible to stop Tom's past from becoming his future? Or is the young Tom Riddle doomed to repeat his mistakes?

Chapter Summary: The interrogation scene 

(I'll put the links to chapters 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5 in a reblog!! I also have a version of this fic with all the chapters in one place!!)

Notes: My apologies for the delay!! I was working super hard on a couple projects with deadlines, and I didn't really have the chance for a break. I tried to get back to it as fast as I could once those projects were done!! I hope you're still interested in reading, even so <3

In addition to other things occupying my time, this chapter itself wasn't easy; for some reason, for a good while I had no clue what I'd do for the interrogation scene, add to that to the fact that I picked a very difficult perspective to write for here and it wasn't the easiest XD I hope I ultimately did a good job, and that you guys enjoy it!!

Comments are always extremely appreciated!! And do let me know if you'd like me to add you to a tag list for this fic!!

Chapter 6:

Snape didn’t think his day would go like this.

One must keep a sense of preparedness about them, still, he didn’t think it remiss for not expecting a day that started with Neville handing him a bottle of goop that would be poison in a better context, would middle with the message that the Chamber of Secrets had opened and a student would be killed, and end with Potter standing in his office with Veritaserum conducting his tongue, telling him said student was dead, and the Dark Lord was back, but without memory, and in the body of his sixteen-year-old self.

And said day wasn’t even over yet.

They still had an interrogation to enact—(which would be a lot harder with the aformentioned truth-serumed Potter…and a lot easier with a mute Potter)—to make sure the missing-memory-claim was unequivocal fact.

He was about to walk into McGonagall’s office to see a sixteen-year-old Dark Lord. And he was expected and required to act like the boy was an ordinary student—(though the boy himself probably already knew he wasn’t).

The person most feared in the wizarding world, who’d killed so many he lost count.

Not the least of which was—

It wouldn’t be a problem.

There was a spiteful look in Potter’s green eyes as they ventured through the halls.

The silencing charm was proving enjoyable in addition to practical...But the small pleasure he gained from Potter’s plight had a fly’s life span.

As they approached the door to the office, his grip tightened around the truth serum in his hand. From a glance out of the corner of his eye he saw Potter had a similar tenseness about him.

He hated this boy, no question…but he’d be a monster if that story didn’t incite some form of empathy in him.

—(In another time there was another redhead lying dead on the floor Halloween, killed by the same person. Empathy wasn’t a choice.)—

They opened the door, and the sound was like a conversation being snapped in half.

“We’re not interrupting, I presume?” Snape’s voice carried across the room—(sure they very much were)—calm as if Dumbledore really was speaking to an ordinary student.

He let his eyes flick from Dumbledore to the boy in the chair in front of him, who had turned to them.

Annoyance may have flared in Potter’s eyes, but this boy bought his annoyance from an entirely different factory, one where they manufactured all sorts of other, far more gruesome emotions.

The eyes were brown, and human, but they were an echo—(What’s an echo before the real thing sings off the cliff edge?)—of the red ones he’d later possess. Red sitting behind the brown, like adult teeth in the skull behind the baby’s, ready to force the childhood out bloody, for something worthless as a couple coins.

“Thank you for coming, Severus.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he sneered as he stepped to Dumbledore’s side to face the boy once more.

He knew he’d be young, but a hex wasn’t entirely out of the question. Seeing this, this thing that once murdered thousands without blinking, this thing that shrieked the words of death with a high, cold voice over countless muggles and muggle sympathizers, and whose eyes held no form of remorse, or sympathy …sitting before him, young and handsome and perhaps even human—

His left arm itched.

“Well, unless anyone can offer a viable reason to continue dilly dallying, I suggest we begin.” Dumbledore spoke pleasantly.

Snape glided over to the boy—whose voice was level as he asked;

“What are you doing?”

Snape held up the truth serum.

“Do you have any idea what this is?”

The boy’s eyes flicked from the bottle to Snape wordlessly. Odds are it physically pained him to admit he didn’t know something.

A smirk tugged at Snape’s lip.

“Wonderful.

“And I don’t suppose you’ll drink it willingly, if we were to ask you to?”

The boy’s eyes lidded; You must be joking.

“Even better.”

He flicked his wand and ropes bound the boy to the chair.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“Well if you won’t drink it willingly, then we’ll just have to make sure you do so unwillingly.

“Open wide.” A said like a dentist, that smirk marking his features as he grabbed his chin and forced his mouth open, like offering King Claudius the poison.

“Try not to enjoy this too much, Severus.” Dumbledore cautioned.

The boy started to protest, but the sound was drowned out by the potion pouring into his mouth—which Snape quickly cast a spell to keep him from spitting it out.

When he swallowed Snape cast the counters to each of the curses binding him and glided back around the desk.

The boy wiped his mouth, gaze throwing daggers at him. “Is this how you treat all your guests?”

“Only our favorites.”

“What happened in the Chamber of Secrets?” Dumbledore asked, his voice commanding, but never losing its calm.

“What happened in the where?” Tom demanded, not altogether politely.

“The Chamber that you woke up in earlier.” Dumbledore continued, still pleasant. “Would you mind filling us in the details of what happened there?”

“I don’t have to—” He was probably about to say ‘tell you anything’ but quickly found himself rather inexplicably compelled to do just that.

He detailed his waking up in the Chamber without memory to see Potter crying over the dead Ginny, about how they exchanged words, how they got out…nothing that would betray the idea that he had lost his memory.

“Thank you for telling us that.” Dumbledore replied simply—though something flickered behind his eyes when he spoke of the girl. Potter fidgeted in the back of the room, and likely would have asked why he had to stay if he could. “Are you certain you remember nothing prior to that?”

“I told you I don’t remember anything! What did you do to me?!”

“You mean you don’t usually feel overly compelled to tell the truth?” Snape examined his nails.

“No.” His eyes were lidded.

“Oh? If you don’t remember who you are, how would you know?”

“Does anyone feel overly compelled to tell the truth? Seriously, who are you people?!”

“We already told you,” Dumbledore intonated. “I am the headmaster of this school, a school for witchcraft and wizardry. The oddly silent Harry,”—He gestured to the boy standing mutely at the back of the room—“is a student at this school, and Severus Snape here is a professor.”

“I have a hard time believing teachers would strap a student to a chair and force a truth potion down their throat!”

“We are wizard teachers. That means, at times, our methods can be a little…unorthodox. Tom”—The name made him flinch—“we merely want to discern if you truly are without memory. You may remember more than even you yourself are aware of—and more than simple questioning would illuminate. There are few other ways to discern this efficiently. Personally I would have attempted a bit more explanation and persuasion before resorting to tying you down.”—He shot a glance at Snape—“But…though it may not seem that way, we are trying to help you.”

“I don’t think Severus”—Snape flinched at his name even more visibly than Tom had—“is particularly inclined to help me.”

Snape was seconds from doing something either very stupid, or very smart, but Dumbledore stood, his voice with a bite to it.

“Professor Snape is not particularly fond of you, that’s true.”

"Oh yeah?” He raised an eyebrow at Snape.

“Hmm…I would like to phrase this delicately…” Dumbledore continued. “In your time here, you could be a bit of a…a bully. This is of course why Harry here isn’t particularly fond of you either. He has been subject to your bullying on more occasions than one. Isn’t that right, Harry?”

Potter froze, as if surprised they asked him a question, then nodded.

“So what you really mean is that you are trying to help me, and these two are here to watch me suffer your ‘help’?”

“I did not intend my ‘help’ to cause you suffering. I apologize that it has. And just because you were not a particularly kind individual in the past doesn’t mean others are unwilling or undesirous to help you. That is what it means to be kind.”

Snape’s eyes met Harry’s, and he was particularly glad the boy’s overly truthful lips were sealed shut at that moment.

“Let’s get back to the questions shall we? Do you have any memory at all attached to your own name?”

“Excuse me?”

“Your name. Names are very powerful. You mentioned you did not know it until Harry mentioned it to you. Does hearing it arouse any particular memories or feelings in you?”

“Memories, no. Feelings…”

“Yes?”

“Hatred.” Tom froze, eyes wide, and his hand flew to his mouth—the first real reaction they’d seen from him.

Despite his particular distaste for divulging the truth, he hadn’t said anything too incriminating yet. This was clearly one of those things he thought would grant him power if it stayed inside.

“You feel hatred at the sound of your name? I see. Do you feel this hatred hearing anyone else’s names?”

“Yours.” He said into his hand. “His.” He threw his thumb over his shoulder, gripping his mouth.

“Wonderful.”

His hand came back down into his lap. “Wonderful?”

“Well, not wonderful that you hate the sound of all our names, I don’t imagine that’s very pleasant. But this is helpful information. And this hatred does not come with any concrete memories?”

“No. Why do I hate—?”

“I imagine it’s because you were not overly fond of us either.”

“Why didn’t I like you?”

“Because we were two particularly large roadblocks in your path of bullying.”

He paused. “…Why did I bully you?”

“Troubled home life, perhaps? You may find it difficult to believe, but you did not divulge the contents of your personal life to us. But I imagine you were dealing with quite a bit of internal strife to take it out on your fellow students. I do hope you will choose a different path in this new life you have been given, so to speak.”

The boy tapped his fingers on the armrest. “…What are you going to tell my family?”

“Your family?” His eyebrows raised. “About what?”

“About the fact that I don’t remember them.” He said like Dumbledore was stupid for not knowing.

“Oh, well, in that sense you are both particularly lucky, and particularly unlucky, in that your family is dead.”

“Dead?”

“Dead.”

The boy paused, his gaze falling to the ground as he thought. “So where is my home?"

"Of that I am not aware. I think, perhaps, Hogwarts was more home to you than anywhere else."

"...Where will I go, then?”

“Go?”

“When I’m not at this school. You yourself said you might not let me back. Where else can I go?”

“That’s what we will have to discuss over the next few days.”

A look of surprise crossed Potter’s face, as if he hadn’t realized the sixteen-year-old dark lord would be any sort of permanent fixture.

To tell the truth the thought was rather jarring, but Snape hadn’t ruled out disposing of him just yet.

"What about my friends?" the boy asked.

There was a small indication of surprise in Dumbledore's eyes at the question, but it faded quickly as he answered. "It pains me to inform you that—to my knowledge at least—you did not have any."

His eyebrow raised. "None?"

"None of whom I'm aware."

The boy looked down at his hands in his lap, as if pondering.

"Does that sadden you?" Dumbledore asked softly.

"No." The answer was cold and immediate...but apparently not truthful, as a moment later he barked the word "Yes," followed by an annoyed groan. Another pause. "...I don't know that 'sad' is the right word."

Dumbledore nodded. "Such a potion cannot always help one discern the truth of their emotions, that is, if they do not know them themselves.

“Severus, do you have any more questions?” Dumbledore’s gaze ticked to Snape, a meaningful glint in his eyes. Snape gave a small nod in return.

“You are completely certain you don’t remember anything prior to a few hours ago?”

Imperceptibly, Snape flicked his wand at his side.

“Why do I keep having to repeating myself?! I—”

Scenes flashed before Snape’s eyes. A darkened chamber, a tattered diary, a sword, a phoenix, a boy crying, a dead girl, red hair like flames on the stones—

“What the hell was that?!” Tom demanded immediately, shooting up. “What did you do to me?!”

“To what are you referring?” Dumbledore asked.

“That—That—Those visions! What was that?!” His eyes darted venomously between Dumbledore and Snape. “You’re looking through my memories, aren’t you?!”

“Merely a side effect of the potion.” Dumbledore answered as if they were having a conversation over afternoon tea. “Nothing to worry about. Please, proceed.”

“I said I don’t remember anything!” He spat.

Snape tried again, and again the same scenes that they had already described flashed by.

After exiting the memory, the boy’s eyes were wild and fiery, continually darting between the two of them, and Snape swore he saw something red there.

“Is that all the information you need?! Can I go now?!” He spun to storm out of the room before they gave an answer.

Another flick of Snape’s wrist, and the boy was lifted into the air by his ankle.

“Class has not been dismissed, Tom.”

Emotion rushed across the boy’s face; horror, rage, humiliation, and Snape reveled in it.

“You said yourself;” Snape stepped closer, and his voice softened into a taunting whisper, “where would you go? Would you wander the halls like a lost, little boy without his mommy?”

Tom’s eyes flashed once more, and he squirmed against the spell, and it almost seemed, for a second, like he’d hit Snape.

Another flick, behind his back this time, and this time he concentrated very hard at breaking past the scene only an hour earlier.

It was as if he hit a wall in the boy’s mind. Snape never thought of people’s minds as books to be perused by any passerby, but the harder he tried to break through, the more the boy’s mind looked like the ripped pages of a book too old to hold itself together. Like walking into a dream where the dreamer stopped imagining the world, so reality just…tapered off. The world in his mind, ripped, hazy, rotted and congealed.

“Would you stop that?!”

“That concludes my questions.” Snape pocketed his wand and turned to Dumbledore.

“What about you, Harry?” Dumbledore asked gently. “Anything to ask?”

Potter glanced between the two of them, surprised his opinion was of any worth in this situation—(and, if he was frank, Snape wasn’t altogether sure it was).

“I think you’ll find Potter is disinclined to speak for the next few moments.” He tried not to smirk.

Dumbledore looked over his half-moon spectacles at him.

“Will you Let. Me. Down?!”

Another flick, and the boy fell to the ground on his head and in a mess of limbs.

“You could’ve been gentler!” He sat up, rubbing the back of his neck.

So could you.

Notes Cont.:

As I said, Snape is a rather difficult perspective to write for, and I’m still not entirely sure I did a great job with him... I would have used Tom’s perspective and reveled in his horror, but I felt I should probably use Snape because of the legilimacy thing. I wanted you guys to know what he saw there. It's possible I might try rewriting this chapter from Tom's perspective to check if I missed any reactions or questions he would have/ask too, or even if it's overall better from his perspective...so keep in mind stuff might get edited in the future!! And do let me know if you liked in in Snape's perspective!!

FYI, these should be the three perspectives I use/alternate between (Tom, Harry, Snape). At the moment I don’t intend to add more. Maybe if I really need to for an off chapter down the road I will, but I can't imagine what that would be at the moment.

[horrorlad]

Horrorlad Reviews: The Dentist (1996)

Or at least, like, talks about it a bunch. 

Boy was I overthinking my first real Horror Lad post! It was going to be Grave Encounters, but that will have to wait, because I got insomnia and decided to rewatch a movie I hadn’t seen seen since I was 14, which wound up being the perfect opportunity to write out a post!

Let’s talk about The Dentist!

So, The Dentist is a 1996 movie starring Corbin Bernsen. It was directed by Brian Yuzna (one of the producers of Re-Animator, he also directed the 1989 body horror film Society which I haven’t seen, though a cursory image search tells me I need to add to my watch list immediately).

Anyway, The Dentist is about a teethsman who catches his wife giving some other guy a BJ and gets so grossed out about it that he has a nervous breakdown about, uh, how dirty mouths are, I guess? He loses his absolute shit (though he didn’t seem to have it all that together to begin with; this guy’s Jack Torrance is way more Kubrick than King), and we the audience get to tag along for all the wacky fun.

Full disclosure: I can’t give an unbiased review of this movie. I watched it several times in high school, then completely forgot about it for ten years, until tonight. There’s too much nostalgia wrapped up in it.

That said, upon rewatching it, I am in LOVE with the structure of it as a film. You know how, some movies, you can tell that the people behind the scenes are having a blast? This is one of those movies. The structure of the shots vary wildly, and I suspect that there was not one tripod or stabilizer on that set. The makeup and effects are fun, every actor has an opportunity to shine at least once, and the pacing is totally bonkers. I will note, however, that for a slasher movie the confirmed death count is pretty low, AND most of the murders are less dentistry-related than you might expect. Still, it’s a good time, and right now it’s available to watch for free (with commercials) on Tubi, which is pretty sweet!

Read on for the content warnings and spoilers. In the meantime, I give The Dentist 3.5 tanks of nitrous oxide (use with caution).

Content warnings and plot synopsis below the cut.

Content Warnings

Also, I don’t really know what to classify this one as, but there is a lot of “ick” factor to this movie — rotting teeth, sludge, etc. If you’re easily squicked out by that sort of stuff, I’d proceed with caution.

Dental torture (and how!) – it’s basically the whole movie, folks.

Sexual assault – multiple instances, including a character having their head forced down while giving oral sex (in a daydream), and another character being assaulted while on nitrous oxide.

Spousal abuse (physical and emotional) – again, there’s a lot of this.

Child abuse – A young child has their gums stabbed by the dentist.

Animal abuse – a dog is shot offscreen.

--------------------------------------

Okay, spoiler time!

Whoo boy, here we go!

I have no idea why I watched this movie so much as a teen. Probably because it was free on FearNet (remember FearNet?) and I would watch just about anything.

Watching it as an adult, my first thought is… man this is weirdly paced. My second thought is that there’s a lot more non-dental-related murders than I would have expected, but we’ll come back to that.

So, our hero(?) is a dentist, and we meet him at the beginning of a framing device, miming dentistry and offering to tell us about his story. The bulk of the movie is then a flashback about how he got to where he is, interspersed with his monologuing or whatever. We meet him and his wife (who are a straight couple in a movie and thus required to completely hate one another) on their anniversary, a fact which becomes clear while he’s in the middle of throwing a fit about his laundry.

Pictured: a totally hinged man. Nothing unhinged going on here, no sir.

At any rate, he gets all suspicious after an interaction with the pool guy, and catches his wife having an affair with the guy. He continues framing-device-monologuing about decay and the world being filthy and all that, daydreams about assaulting his wife and murdering the pool boy, etc. He follows the pool guy to the neighbor’s house, acts all weird, shoots a dog — your basic Tuesday.

Eventually, he winds up at the office, starts hallucinating, assaults a couple of patients, and finally calls an early end to the day (self care is important). We get this delightful (in a heavy-handed sort of way) scene that keeps cutting back and forth between him setting out spooky dental tools and his wife getting dressed for the big anniversary surprise he’s has planned, and that’s when things really start to go haywire.

Okay.

So like.

I get that he’s a dentist.

I get that he’s a dentist whose whole shtick is having the themed exam rooms (though why we have aaaalll these rooms for a bunch of hygienists and one dentist is a little beyond me).

But you mean to tell me that this dude’s special anniversary surprise for his wife was to show her his new, opera-themed dental exam room?

“Oh, honey… you really, really shouldn’t have…”

Like, I know he’s settled on a revenge plot by this point, but I still definitely believe that this guy was legitimately planning the entire time to show his wife his fancy new dental suite as an anniversary surprise. Not to be that guy, but no wonder she was having an affair.

Honestly though, I love this scene. I love the camera PoV shots as he shows off the dental suite, I love the excessive gesturing with his left hand. I love how the scene starts off with his point-of-view of her, and then transitions into her point-of-view of him, cut with those big beautiful teeth-yanking shots. It’s ridiculous.

And then, they get home, he has some monologuing about the pool, etc.

Next scene, it’s the next day, some cops come to ask questions about the murdered dog, his wife is out back on a pool chair with her giant sunhat covering her face (the way normal, totally-not-drugged people hang out by the pool) while the pool guy does his pool guy stuff. Eventually the cops leave, yadda yadda yadda, the pool guy scoops the wife’s tongue out of the pool, he sees how fucked up she is, the dentist murders the shit out of him. It’s beautiful.

Don’t you love it when you finish your to-do list first thing in the morning?

The end.

Wait, no, that’s not right.

Somehow, there’s still almost half a movie left.

This movie starts with this dude fighting with his wife, catching his wife cheating with the pool guy, hallucinating his wife’s nasty mouth on everyone, etc. You’d think that, with his wife tortured all to shit and the pool guy dead, the movie would have wrapped up.

I mentioned before that the pacing of the movie is weird, which it is. I mean, he has his “oop guess I’m evil now” scene on his way to work the next day, which basically means that just over half of this movie is the origin story. It could be longer, with the big climactic nonsense taking up the last quarter or so. It could be shorter, with him freaking out about his wife, losing his shit, and having a proper dental rampage. Instead, The Dentist flies in the face of conventional story structure.

But this man is a busy man. He’s a dentist, damn it.

He has to get back to work!

Things are happening fast now, let’s get condensed.

We go back to work, he pulls some malpractice shit on that lady whose dog he shot yesterday, then strangles Jessica-the-hygienist (I think that’s her job) when she calls him on it. Later, a man from the IRS comes in and uses the dentist’s shady tax junk to get free dental work which is, uh, inadvisable. IRS man, Marvin Goldblum, starts talking about our dentist’s wife (and about how unhinged shiksas are in bed, in case we somehow we didn’t piece together that he’s an awful Jewish caricature), and I’m sure the rest of his appointment goes totally normally.

Get a guy who looks at you like this.

Meanwhile, the cops are definitely onto him regarding the murder of that dog (after all, murdering dogs is THEIR turf). They go to his house, where he left the body of the pool guy he murdered just laying around outside for anyone to find (which they do). Then they go upstairs and find his wife, who is alive but so fucked up.

Back at the office, Karen-the-other-hygienist, looking for her coworker who got murdered earlier, stumbles upon the very fucked up IRS dude. We get to listen to the dentist give a little monologue about how grossed out he is that his wife put some dude’s “dirty, rotten… in her mouth!” before he injects air into a vein in Karen-the-other-hygienist’s neck to kill her.

Next up, this girl who has been waiting for two days to get her braces off gets called back. She’s adorable and chipper, so this, of course, can only go well. When’s the last time you had your dentist pull a gun on you?

Our scrappy youngster runs off, and he gives chase (we find that Mr. Goldblum’s jaw elongation procedure is going well by the way), before eventually letting her go after she promises to take very, very good care of her teeth.

After all, he’s got his next job to get to.

Let’s go teach dental students the importance of pulling out everyone’s teeth!

Yeeep, he’s a teacher! And after he shoots one of his students while hallucinating, the cops show up, resulting in the slowest chase scene any movie has ever had (I mean the dude is literally just briskly walking down the hall and he still gets away from them). Anyway, the dentist winds up in an auditorium where a woman is practicing her opera singing. The dentist is entranced by this (we know he loves opera from that scene with his wife earlier) and reaches out to the singer, but he hallucinates his wife’s hecked up face on her and drops to his knees, presumably to have the rest of his nervous breakdown. The cops… uh… well, they just kinda stand around looking disapprovingly at him while he sits on the floor. And that’s… that’s it, I guess?

“Nah, let him rest, he’s had a big day.” 

 In our final scene, we have some orderlies at his new mental institution drag him down for his regular appointment, where his wife (who I guess is a dentist now) starts drilling at his teeth. This may or may not be a hallucination. It probably doesn’t matter.

Wow. That certainly was a film.

Alright, so, I’ve been typing up my thoughts as I watch, and I think I’ve figured out what I like about this movie, that had me coming back to it over and over as a youngster. There are some movies that just look fun to film, and this is one of them. A number of the shots are really charming, for lack of a better word. There’s the anniversary scene with his wife I mentioned before, but so many others — this movie plays around with point of view, extreme close-ups, some very fun effects used to indicate the hallucinations… there’s even a sideways shot of one of the cops coming down the stairs. I seem to have a real fondness for that sort-of manic, anything-goes approach to filming. Related side note: is there a single steady shot on this whole film? I’m beginning to doubt it.

Corbin Bernsen does a great job. I mean, all the actors do, really, but he is something else. Like, I can’t think offhand of many actors who could successfully take the character “dentist in bad marriage has a nervous breakdown because his wife gives someone else a blow job and it grosses him out; goes on torturemurder spree” without overacting to the point of distraction. “What are you talking about, this dude’s hammier than Easter dinner,” you say. Now, I get the urge here, but I have to disagree; Bernsen plays a fantastic Emasculated White Guy Throwing A Fit.

That picture I posted up there, after the bit about the laundry argument? A dude who makes that face over the idea of wearing the wrong cuff links to work is at most twelve seconds away from completely losing his shit at any given moment. And the dude’s anniversary surprise for his wife was to show off his new, opera-themed dental exam room; none of this behavior seems too off the wall for that character. Granted, I haven’t seen the sequel yet, and the image searches do suggest that our dear dentist is about to use his well-cared-for teeth to chew the hell out of some scenery in The Dentist 2, but in this movie? I’m just saying it’s not an unbelievable portrayal.

Disgruntled white dudes aside, the rest of the cast seems to have a fun time too. Shout out to the receptionist literally sobbing over what a great dentist this guy is (stunning work). If nothing else, stop by for wee baby Mark Ruffalo before he was famous. It’s adorable.

LOOK AT HIM.

ALL THAT SAID, I have to state again how surprised I am by the sheer number of not-dental-related murders! Like, by my count, this guy commits a hefty amount of malpractice, but for a guy on a torturemurder spree, he sure does seem to keep his torture and his murder fairly separate. Let’s tally it:

I’m tired, let’s wrap this up. The Dentist is a fun movie about a dude who loses his shit, does some dental torture, does some murder, does ZERO dental torturemurders, and then just kinda tuckers himself out and sits down. It’s a big silly mess, and I love it.

Tortures: six

The kid at the beginning, the lady he sexually assaults (it counts), his wife (not dead), that lady whose dog he shot, Marvin the IRS guy (alive when last we see him), and the person at the dental school near the end.

Murders: three people, one dog.

The dog (shot), the pool guy (knifed), Jessica-the-hygienist (strangled), Karen-the-other-hygienist (air injected into artery), and that’s… it..? He does shoot that person at the dental school, but it doesn’t appear to be a fatal wound, and Marvin the IRS guy was alive when we saw him last.

Torturemurders: HECKIN’ ZERO.

Zero! None of the tortures are murdered, and nobody he murders is tortured! What the heck kind of slasher dentist doesn’t even kill people via dentistry? No wonder everyone looks down on him at the end.

Alright, first post written. I’m going to bed.

[vespiiqueen]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last 10 people who reblogged something from you (if you want !! 💛💖)

Wow I rambled a lot with this but i can't add cuts bc I'm on mobile rn DHSISHSJ sorry :"))))

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1. Ik Ik "haha how cringe are you" of me to say, but honestly? Homestuck. Homestuck helped me in a time of need and when i so desperately wanted something to latch onto. Finally, I caved into my friends telling me to read it-- and it's been a blast!! The epilogues / hs^2 make me feel kinda sad though, because so much of what I loved about the original was yeeted through the nine circles of hell and into the trash. I love Y/ffany's (I call her Yippi tho) design, the art is really pretty at times, Harry is a major dork, I LIVE for seeing Vrissy bc honestly?? Her design is 10/10, very early 2000s emo style and I also live for that. Tavros is cute and a nerd and I think that's swell!

But in terms of story and how any of this happens, it makes me sad to see it happen. If Vriska could return as Vrissy, why not OTHER beta trolls? Where's my Eridan fish man, writers?? Give me the boy or perish by my fury.

2. Also super "haha how cringe are you" but,,, murder cats (Warriors), esp the early 2005-2015 amvs and stuff. I remember watching Flightfootwarrior's "I Will Not Bow" Scourge amv for HOurs and having no clue what was happening, but all these edgy kitties were KITTIES! It's introduced me to a lot of music I still listen to to this very day (Imagine Dragons, Young/the entirety of Hollywood Undead, Breaking Benjamin). And yknow what?? This new arc is absolute chaos, but in the good way.

I'm an "OG Fan". I prefer the first arc, The Prophecies Begin, to almost any of the other arcs. I just could never get into the other arcs-- not to say I haven't read them, I HAVE and the Fire Scene was probably one of my favorite moments beside grumpy Jaypaw, god complex Lionblaze, and fear the gods Hollypaw. I thought the build-up for it was SUPER satisfying. Gray Wing is my baby and I fully embellish in the Gray Wing is Silverpelt theory.

This new arc is definitely something new for the universe. While I didn't read aVoS (but I may do that if i can find the files for it), and so I don't know the major events of it other than what I've seen M.A.P.'s (Multi-Animator Projects, for clarification,,, bc unfortunately that term is also something disgusting). There's fucking cat possession and all the Clans questioning their belief system, yo. Shit be on fire.

Also the Imposter is 100% Ashfur, that's canon now, yeah??? Also im sorry but fuck Root x Bristle that's the dumbest shit I have ever seen. Give me Root x Shadow or face the wrath of my dragon plushies.

RiverClan is my Clan and my gov assigned warrior name is Fireshell 🌟🌟

3. As much as I hate the author,,,,, Harry Potter. It's been a major part of my life for as long as I can remember. I can never really remember why, but I've always just loved it- the movies, the books, the extra little merch that would pop up in my local Walmart. Of course my favorite character is Draco Malfoy. I could go on and on and ON about how I think his character arc was SHIT and JKR didn't have the balls to make him a confident gay man that was always implied through the text (at least, my lesbian ass thought it was implied but i may just be projecting, idk). I could ramble about Draco for HOURS and what I think his character SHOULD have been and how his parents are horrible (more specifically, Lucius bc Narcissa [?] Actually showed a few good moments), and a child should never have to pay for their parents sins.

Oh noo, Draco's a villain because he's a victim of major abuse and peer pressure? He's a villain because a literal child can be horrible and they'll always always always stay as a horrible little fiend?? Fuck that. He's a child.

Unlike manchild grease pan Snape, who was a racist piece of shit and shouldn't have became a fucking school teacher but it's okay because he was ~~~in love~~~. No, fuck you, he was a creep. James Potter n Co may have been a little posh bitch to you, Snape, but that's no fucking excuse to continue to bluntly be a little cunt all the way into adulthood. You're an adult who flatly changed your PATRONUS to imitate Lily's. You have no excuse. And Harry went and named his child after you LIKE JESUS CHRIST, DID RON'S SISTER NOT HAVE A SAY IN THE NAMES TOO?????

I also fully adore the idea that Muggles can run into Hogwarts and their patronus can 100% be a made up, fantasy creature. Imagine you learn the patronus spell and suddenly fucking ARCEUS comes from your wand. Imagine learning the spell and CHTULU (i did not spell that right but im so tired) comes from your wand-- an entire ass fucking Lovecraftian, Eldrith horror is just the embodiment of you. What if it was a fucking Homestuck character like Vriska? How fucking METAL would that be?? Hskajssowjjsjs get on it fandom.

4. Hee hee very evident by my url but Pokemon is another major thing of mine. While vespiquen isn't my favorite (that title goes to Hydreigon), it is definitely up there!

I've ALWAYS enjoyed the idea of Pokemon. You run around, training up these fight monsters and collecting them. I remember playing my sister's Ruby version on her flip-up Gameboy. I couldn't even read but I ran around catching god only knows how many of the same pokemon wherever she was. Apparently, I had fought for hours in the same area and leveled her Blaziken up to lvl 50 something and left her lvl 30s in the dust LMAO.

I got my first game when it was Pearl/Diamond. It was Pearl, and it still holds a very fond place in my heart. I could barely read, I could barely write-- I had named my Turtwig something along the lines of "MmorpHy" and my player boy "ZbsibJ". Yes I remember the names slightly. I really didn't get far-- I barely got to the first gym but I was just so happy to play it.

I eventually lost the game, as a 5 year old would do, but I can still vividly remember what was happening when the game arrived. I had just came back from the dentist and was quite tired from fighting the dentist bc I was super scared. Mom suddenly handed me a box and said it was mine-- my overseas (at that time) dad had bought me Pearl and my sister Diamond, because I lost my shit about it when he visited one time.

Well, tdlr, I played it for about five minutes while struggling to stay awake against the loopy gas they made me take. I fell asleep listening to Twinleaf Town's soundtrack. Every time I play a rom of Pearl and I get to where the player's house fades in and I hear that first tune of the song, I get a huge smile on my face and cry-- as.. Weird as it sounds.

A few years later, I had gotten Pokemon Black bc I liked Reshiram on the cover. Now, this one I could actually READ when playing, but I don't remember a lot of things about it. I probably lost this one too, as a 8/9 year old would do. I DO remember, I chose Snivy and my sister chose Tepig (hrmm there's a theme here of grass/fire goin on......) and vibing to the music. I was so amazed by the sprites moving, I just kept getting into encounters to see the sprites move (oh boy, no one tell younger 7-9 y/o me about Zelda......oh wait....)

Playing Pokemon NOW, as a 17 year old """gifted""" chick, I stil have very fond memories. I recently beat Pokemon Black again and GOD the OTS SLAPS. I fucking adore the soundtrack-- the track that plays when you battle a trainer, the low health dings being turned into a legit song that also slaps, the battle! gym leader themes-- and oh my gOd, the legendary theme is amazing? It really tells you just how glorious these pokemon are supposed to be. It's not intimidating like Groudon/Kyroge/Rayquaza's themes. It's not action packed like Palkia/Dialga's is, it's not filled with tension like Giratina/Arceus's is-- but it radiates the GLORY that the beasts portray. And I live for that. (Also, Kyurem's version is my favorite because it glitches in the beginning and that's rly cool)

P/D/P and BW/BW2's stories, imo, are some of the greatest ones. Yeahhh, US/USUM's is cool and I haven't played XY nor SwSh-- but the ones I can find memorable are PDP and BW/BW2. I love N. I love Barry. They're my sons. Ghetsis is fucking terrifying, Cyrus needs a hug. Giratina scared the piss out of me when I was younger, which was NOT helped by Giratina and The Sky Warrior.

I think my favorite movies are the gen 4 ones. The Rise of Darkrai having a tear-jerking theme for such a mysterious pokemon (i still tear up when i hear Ocarion), Giratina being spiteful is a mood and Shaymin was cute, Arceus being angry is also a mood. Yeah, Pokemon 4Ever made me cry my eyes out over Celebi, Mewtwo Returns made me again cry because Mewtwo accepting who he is, I remember how vastly different the BW movies are-

I just. I have a lot of memories with the series, even if Gamefreak and Nintendo kinda do the series dirty a lot (your top-grossing thing and you made That monstrosity for the Switch? How dare you.). It's comforting to be stressed and pull up my roms for the games and to play them. Mystery Dungeon is incredibly fun to play, Pokemon Ranger is really fun with the concept (Shadows of Almia continues to kick my ass to this very day and FUCK the Jungle Relic, I hate the Water Challenge fucking gyarados bullshit). I remember the pokemon I got for MD (I got Time, my sis got Darkness) was Mudkip, if that is any help.

I love my little fictional pixel monsters.

5. Yup, someone told tiny 7-9 y/o me about console games. The legend of Zelda. My first Zelda game was Twilight Princess on the Wii and BOY did I play the fucking SHIT out of that game.

Honestly, looking back and looking at playthroughs now-- I still love TP. Twilight Princess is still one of my top favorite Zelda games-- yes, even after playing OoT, Majora's Mask, Wind Waker, Skyward Sword, the anniversary four swords edition for the DS where you could play by yourself (Nintendo pls bring that back, I don't have friends to play it with ;-;), Phantom Hourglass- ect.

Something about Twilight Princess grabbed me by the head and yeeted me into the world. I can remember playing it for hours with little to no breaks. I, a tiny 9 y/o, had gotten the hang of the controllers and managed to get past the tutorial quite easily. And then, I was launched into the game and I wasn't stopping for NOTHING. Mom and Dad would have to force me to save and get off to go and eat dinner. THAT sucked.

I had done everything on my own up until the first temple, the forest temple. Not where/when you saved the dumb kid, but when you were saving the spirit's light. Theeeeeeennn I got stuck on the fucking Forest Temple for deadass six months straight. I'd play for hours, running around in circles, unable to figure out where to go, and because I didn't grasp the temple's purpose of being that way- I'd get angry and get off. It wasn't until dad looked up a walkthrough and talked me through what I was supposed to do that I learned how to get through temples.

I had gotten to the last little fight with Ganondorf before the Wii broke and i could no longer play. Despite the Wii being broke and we got rid of it, I was ADAMANT on keeping the game, and I kept that game for YEARS. It was an original copy out of a sealed box, and I eventually lost it when I left it accidentally at my now ex-friend's house.

She had a Wii and I went "hey I have a Wii game!" And I brought my Zelda over. Worst fucking choice of my goddamn life. Mom called me to come home and said I couldn't sleep over like the original plan was, and that was it. My ex-friend stashed my Zelda and I never saw it again. And, even if I wanted to-- I couldn't get it back, which makes me upset. We had a BAD falling out. She likely doesn't even remember it's there, or sold it to the local game junkie kid who buys ALL games.

But I still love the game. Midna was amazing, and I loved how snarky she was and she has a very cute design! The game's OST is fucking phenomenal. Midna's Desperate Hour makes me cry bc goddamn it really sells how serious that situation is. I love Hyrule Field's theme in this game. I love the Twilight Realm's song. Zant was fucking hilariously scary. Ganondorf's design in this game scared the piss out of me when I was younger.

Midna and this game's Link and Zelda are def my favorites. Yeah yeah, Sheik is cool and all I Guess but dhsushwishs Midna holds the special place in my heart. She was totally my gay awakening BUT

For other game antagonists, I adore Ghirahim-- let's go you funky little queer-coded villain. Skull Kid was great, I love the entire dynamic of him. Prankster lost soul stumbles upon Majora's Mask and the mask makes him act out due to powers-- which, I actually took very heavy inspiration from for one of my OCs. The moon falling to Hyrule was a fucking terrifying looming threat.

But the game series holds a place, and I've yet to be able to play BoTW-- although, I'm fairly certain I'll like it. The playthroughs I've watched of it are all fairly decent! I just. Gotta save up enough money to buy it haha.

Dang guess I gotta go watch a Twilight Princess playthrough again.

Honorable Mentions:

Avatar: the Last Airbender, specifically Book 3

my OCs definitely make me happy, they're my children and I'd ramble A LOT longer if given the chance WHEEZE

My friends, but I didn't add them here bc it's more fictional stuff, I presume

Baking. I love to bake cupcakes.

Painting is fun. I'm an artist and goddammit im going to use painting as an excuse to make a mess.

Fire. I rly like fire, down to a pyromaniac level. However, i hate the fires that happened to my home town, the Great Smokey Fires of 2016-- THAT pissed me off. How dare you burn mountain landscapes to the ground. Perish.

History. I'm a history nerd.

I'm also a science nerd.

But fuck math, I cannot comprehend math to save my life.

For some reason, I rly like learning how the human body works??? like did you know, organs are actually sticky when touched by a bare hand?? Did you?? How fucking cool is that.

Bakugan. I love Bakugan, esp the DS game. I love my Darkus Leonidas. Give me back the online world, you peasants-- I want my Darkus Dragonoid. (Also fuck all my friends from when I was in kindergarten- my theory that Alice was Masquerade was somewhat correct.)

[punkscowardschampions]

Liam & Edie

Liam: get out of work early, I need your help Edie: alright Edie: what are we doing? Liam: I finished a 🎬📽🎞 & it has to be screened tonight at a specific time Edie: do you know what cinema you wanna infiltrate Edie: like, max capacity blockbuster moment or a more independent arthouse style? Edie: I have ideas for both, if you don't already Liam: gotta be sold out seats for max exposure Edie: looking up whatever dumb superhero shit is on right now Liam: put the word out for me too, yeah? 📢 you've got more 👀 on you Edie: of course Edie: keep it vague but intriguing? Edie: what's the angle Liam: my sister is Edie: your sister? Liam: she's 16, would've been Liam: today Edie: the film is for her Edie: not a hard sell Edie: every twat loves a party Liam: every twat's forgotten about her already Liam: I have to do something Edie: I'll get all the people there I can Edie: 16 is a big one Liam: I'm looking for a cake to blow up Liam: big enough to splatter lots of rows but not too huge to sneak in Edie: really do need a pram Edie: if you do wanna go big, my ma has a kiln, easy to bake in and quicker Edie: I could put it in a backpack or some ridiculously oversized handbag my sister has Liam: you're amazing Edie: you or the audience haven't tasted the cake yet Liam: be more fitting if it tastes bad Liam: like we're shoving bittersweet down everyone's throats Liam: & in their faces Edie: that's easily done Edie: toxic hazard here we come Edie: how long have you been working on the vid? Liam: a while Edie: are you happy with it? Liam: there's no more time left to do edits Liam: I gotta get it out there, like I said Liam: 18 is gonna need something bigger Edie: timing is key Edie: did you talk about it Edie: what she'd want to do Liam: looking that far ahead wasn't something she let herself do Edie: that's fair Edie: I haven't looked that far ahead before Edie: we'll make it special Edie: something she'd approve of Liam: there has to be some way to throw a party after that's not the standard gay shit Edie: an anti-party Liam: yeah, without being ☢️ & barcode tattoos about it Edie: so a disgusting cake, what else can we fuck up Edie: bastardized 🎈s are almost a given Edie: maybe we can play some party games Liam: use your talents on the happy birthday song Edie: I'll do my best for you both Edie: did she believe anything happened after you die? Liam: she wanted to come back as someone else, show up back in my life just when she reckoned it'd gotten settled & boring Liam: but I don't think she really believed that, just didn't want me to turn into one of those twats Edie: yeah, most people want to believe something like that Edie: some continuation Edie: but the percentage who genuinely do, I don't know Liam: a lot of shit she said was for my benefit of my ma's, I don't know if she knew I knew that but I did Edie: Yeah Edie: but through reassuring you, she was probably trying to give herself that same comfort Edie: again, whether it worked is unlikely, but we keep going 'til we don't Liam: yeah Liam: I have certainty in her not wanting everyone to act as if she was never here this fast, I'm going with that Liam: her friends, a lad she liked, they're supposed to give more of a shit Edie: we'll make them remember Edie: I was thinking Edie: she'd be in transition year now Edie: they're always having bollocks seminars and lectures Edie: that would be easy to hijack Edie: well, not easy, but we could Liam: you're so fucking smart Liam: I didn't even think Edie: it'd be a way to get the ones who won't hear our call tonight Edie: which are arguably the ones who need a lesson in caring more so Liam: keep it going like pass the parcel Edie: a project worth the waste of time that whole year is Liam: then a holiday, me & you Liam: where we won't waste any time Edie: are we going to find a holiday home? Liam: did you like living with me? Edie: so much Edie: I wanna live with you properly Edie: all the time Liam: then yeah, we'll find a holiday home & when we get back you can move into mine Edie: really? Liam: our mas will both have shit to say about it but so do we Edie: if they're really going to object to that degree Edie: we'll work for enough money to rent our own place Liam: & sleep wherever else we have to until we've got that Edie: as long as I'm with you Edie: I miss you when I'm not Liam: I wanna be with you all the time too Edie: maybe if we split our time between mine and yours, they wouldn't even notice Liam: they can tell themselves they're keeping a better 👀 on us if we do Edie: yeah, and it's not 'as serious' as moving in together Edie: in their minds Edie: guess it'd be better if we were going 'round sleeping with anyone and everyone Liam: I've had more offers since I got a girlfriend than before Liam: must be a shared view between our parents & lots of the girls at school Edie: 😡 Edie: adds to them feeling something if they get to fuck someone over at the same time as, I guess Liam: I'll never hurt you or let anyone else do it Edie: I know you won't Liam: I love you Edie: I love you Edie: no one is gonna stop us from living the life we want Liam: [a pic of a pram he has stolen for her to fill with stuff and there's a birthday pinata in there currently like oh hi] Liam: I found this for you Edie: 😍 Edie: Baby! Edie: you got me wheels Liam: I couldn't stop thinking about you struggling with a heavy backpack Edie: You're so sweet and I'm so excited Edie: is what's going in the pinata a surprise? Liam: I was gonna tell you but lets keep the excitement going Edie: is it 🕷s Edie: or 🦷 Liam: do you know where I can get that many 🦷? Liam: that'd be a great idea Edie: 🤔 Edie: maybe a vet's dumpster Edie: think people dentists study 'em Liam: maybe my ma kept our 👶 teeth Liam: I'll have a look Edie: Mine kept hers Edie: you'd need quite a few to make an impression Liam: the fake blood I'm gonna add will help Liam: but you're right Edie: there's loads of roadkill around mine Edie: could get that for the 🦴🦴 Liam: I don't know if I want you touching it though Liam: you could get sick or something Edie: I've got gloves Edie: the only illness they had was potentially bad eyesight 🚗 Liam: you've gotta be careful, baby Edie: okay Edie: for you Edie: how else can I help you though? Edie: the cake is in Liam: keep thinking, all your ideas are perfect Edie: I wanna be Edie: what about spiking the drinks, but not in a fun way Edie: or is that too 👿 Edie: just a laxative or something, nothing mad Liam: it don't matter, we won't drink it Edie: I definitely won't Edie: don't even miss any of it Liam: we need something that'll make them 🤮 she did lots of that Liam: only fair Edie: what does that 💊🧪 wise Edie: too much salt is a dead giveaway with one sip Liam: charcoal is probably too big a giveaway too Liam: & you can't get ipecac no more Edie: 😕 ugh Liam: we'll have to settle for the laxatives Edie: they'll make themselves sick all on their own Liam: you did make a fucking disgusting cake Edie: you don't even wanna know what I put in it 😏 Liam: I want all your secrets Edie: you can have everything Edie: [a gruesome list of god knows what] Edie: it smells so gross cooking right now Liam: don't make yourself 🤮 Edie: I'm getting some fresh air Liam: what can you 👀? Edie: from here, the pond Edie: which also smells, so I might need to go look at the 🍅🥔s growing instead Liam: go decide on your outfit Edie: what do you want me to look like? Liam: beautiful Edie: nothing more specific? Liam: nah, not until I've seen what you come up with Liam: you test well Edie: 🤞 Liam: 😍 Edie: that's what I want Edie: always Liam: I want you Edie: I can't wait to go away with you Edie: are we going to the sea Liam: we can Liam: we can go anywhere you like Edie: I just wanna watch the sun go down under the waves with you Liam: you watch that, I'll watch your face while it does Edie: You're so Edie: you make me feel like a person Edie: a real one, that matters Liam: you matter to me, Eds Edie: I'm not used to this feeling Liam: you know I'm not either Liam: we'll get used to it Edie: it's like I believe you but I can't believe it Edie: if that makes sense Liam: I get it Liam: I do need you to believe me though Edie: I do Edie: you're just perfect Liam: nah, I'm not Edie: to me then Liam: whatever's wrong with me, we're good together Edie: we're going to make a perfect baby Edie: that always feels like a person Liam: I'm gonna love it even if things go wrong Liam: I need you to know that too Edie: I know you will Edie: and I believe that Edie: I wouldn't have agreed if I didn't Edie: you won't be able to not love your own child Edie: even if it's hard Liam: & I'll wanna be with you, perfect or not Liam: whatever else happens Edie: we can do it Edie: I love you and I want it to work Edie: I wanna be a good mum and give the baby all the love and attention and everything it could ever want and need Edie: that is so much more than most people have Liam: the baby is so fortunate to have you for its ma Liam: you've done everything right already & its not even here yet Edie: I wanna do it right Edie: I can't imagine doing it wrong Liam: I know you will Liam: you set your mind on shit & it gets done, that's how you are Edie: makes me sound like an assassin Edie: don't hate that Liam: I don't hate thinking about you holding a 🔪 Edie: next video Liam: it'll be on my mind until then Edie: I can give you a preview Edie: if you show me the fake blood Liam: [does obviously] Edie: 🤤 Liam: I made extra for you knowing you'd be into it Edie: That's just one of the reasons we work Liam: are you gonna give me the rest of them? Edie: I'll start on the list but I don't know if it'll ever be done enough to be conclusive Edie: and I'd hate for you to think I'm not serious Liam: that's another reason why we work Edie: see, they keep adding up Edie: good thing I didn't commit to tattooing it on me Edie: run out of space so quick Liam: I don't think her video is done enough Liam: I don't know what to do Edie: You'll regret it if you miss her birthday, I think Edie: you'll have chances to add to it and improve on it every year if you want Edie: it's a tough one to know what's enough on, yeah Edie: 'cos what could be Liam: if it's shit I'll have ruined her birthday Edie: do you think it's shit? Liam: I can't tell Liam: I can't feel anything Edie: I can watch it before you show it Edie: or you can just do it Edie: they aren't going to forget it though, regardless, and that's what you want, yeah Edie: for them to remember her Liam: you've gotta watch it on a big screen Liam: I'll watch you & I'll know if it's good or not Edie: okay Edie: I won't tell you I know it'll be good Edie: cheapen my actual reaction Liam: 👌 what do you wanna tell me instead? Edie: another reason we work is you're talented and creative too Liam: I have to try to bring something to the table if we want a perfect baby Edie: you mean aside from how insanely hot you are Liam: its gonna look like you so that don't count Edie: maybe it'll get to be tall like you Edie: my 10 year old sister is already taller than me Liam: you only wanna be taller for kissing me Liam: there'll be a no dating rule until they're like old enough to properly move out Edie: might save your back, that's all Edie: they won't need to, they'll be happy with us Liam: I've already saved yours with this pram, I'm not bothered about mine Edie: but I am Edie: I'll invest in some stilts Liam: & have you snatched up by the circus, nah Liam: don't matter if its twins in there, I'll pick you all up Edie: 🥰 Edie: you make me look and feel like that emoji, legitimately Liam: [a picture of some random people he's sneakily taken a photo of while he's out and about and changed so they have no eyes because he misses and wants to see her rn] Edie: ooh baby Edie: 👁s would be a great pinata filling Liam: have we got time to turn 🍇 or some gay shit into 👀 like a ma on halloween? Edie: OH Edie: speaking of mas Edie: just had a 💡 Liam: what? Edie: she has mealworms to feed the 🐦🦅s Edie: too late for the cake but how perfect Liam: genius Edie: my next idea was going to get some caviar but I don't think my wage is stretching that far Liam: I could steal some Liam: dunno where the fuck from though Edie: bet they don't have any at the spar Edie: there are tadpoles in the pond but I'm not murdering them Liam: the worms will work Liam: I'm on my way to yours, how long til the cake is cooked? Edie: you're coming here Edie: 😄😄😄 the excitement is only going ↗️ Edie: about 10 minutes, though a bit of burning can't hurt Liam: I thought you'd like a hand with decorating Edie: I'd like to see you Liam: you miss me too Edie: so bad Liam: I know Edie: come see me Liam: I kept the secret for as long as I could but I'm nearly there now Edie: no secrets, right Liam: I don't want there to be Edie: I'll tell you everything you wanna know Liam: tell me what we're doing tomorrow Liam: after this Edie: we're gonna get in the car and drive 'til we get somewhre we want to stop Edie: and we'll get fish and chips and ice cream and play on the beach and then we can talk about bringing the baby back and doing it all again Liam: the baby's face when it eats ice cream for the first time Liam: & feels what sand is like Liam: we'll film it all Edie: 🥺 Edie: I feel like I might cry? Liam: everything we don't remember any more we'll do again with our 👶 Edie: there's so much good stuff to relive Edie: stuff we didn't get to do too Liam: yeah, there's lots of shit I've not done Liam: I used to feel properly awkward about it Edie: just 'cos my childhood was weird in an 'exotic' way doesn't mean it weren't too Edie: there's loads of Irish childhood staples that we didn't have Edie: we'll make that list too, for the 👶 Liam: I can't think of a better way to start the baby book Edie: I'm gonna do it for your birthday Liam: yeah? Edie: I've got a feeling Liam: that might be knowing that I'm outside Edie: [dramatic run out] Liam: [we know he's as extra and would immediately stop whatever he's doing/ drop whatever he's holding so they can kiss dramatically, don't get a hole in that pinata yet sir] Edie: [ah you crazy kids, dunno where the rest of the fam is tbh] Liam: [100% gonna say he puts her in the pram and pushes her into this gaff like a giant nerd, so imagine her just squished in there please] Edie: [LOL adorable, try not to break it already] Liam: [you probably don't have time to do pram repairs on top of everything else lads] Edie: [we got schemes honey] Liam: [if you don't draw on each other with icing pens when you're decorating this cake I don't wanna know either of you] Edie: [my boo has put her foot down] Liam: [all the tattoo practice and ideas in any possible artistic medium thank you] Liam: [we all know what saucy behaviour you'll be getting up to as soon as he gets there though] Edie: [but the softest ever tbh 'cos a tough day and you just wanna make sure he's okay] Liam: [honestly there's only so busy you can keep yourself boy, we all see you] Edie: [not gonna force you to talk on it but also gonna be clear it's an option] Liam: [he's just trying to get today over with as if tomorrow and on any other day he won't think about it, oh hun] Edie: [mood] Liam: [where is his mother? what is she doing rn? those are my real questions] Edie: [sad things don't think about it Liam: [anyway we know the vibe so is there anything else you wanna make a point of happening rn before we skip to the aftermath?] Edie: [hmhmhmmm we can probably skip] Liam: [everyone gonna be cross at you lads] Edie: [I like to think the fam was there earlier so they were already moody, but then you come back with the police and you're gonna skip town tomorrow so lol] Liam: [his poor mum having to go down the garda station when she's already living her best life, likewise gonna be in a great mood] Edie: [safe to say you will not be invited back tonight gal] Liam: [Rio is gonna tear Liam a new one cos he was all I'm gonna look after her it's chill when they last talked haha] Edie: [oh lordy] Liam: [I just hope they got to do all their creepy plans before the police ruined it] Edie: [or at least the important ones, and that it went well in that people are talking about it] Liam: [gotta let you have that] Edie: [tis important and a mood] Edie: how's your ma now Liam: she's still going Edie: I thought she'd like it Edie: if you explained what you did Liam: she likes what we did but not how Liam: she don't understand that playing it in the sitting room wouldn't work Edie: she wants to keep it all private Edie: if people feel uncomfortable it's only because they should Liam: we know that Edie: is she more 😭 or 😤 Edie: one is easier to deal with Liam: it's both, at the same time for a while Edie: that must be so exhausting Liam: it's just what she's like Edie: you've not really known her any different? Liam: I must have, but I don't remember Liam: not clear enough Edie: I'm sorry Edie: if I could've taken the blame harder, I would've Liam: I don't want you to take any of it Edie: I don't care about getting into trouble Liam: you will if it sticks next time & you maybe can't earn as much cash Liam: be the perfect ma you've set your heart on Edie: not at the sake of you though Edie: it's so unfair I couldn't take my fair share Liam: you did, you weren't there for the shit I did before that got me my talking to from the 🐷 Liam: it's about her not you Edie: yeah, I know Edie: wish we'd saved the pinata for them though 🐷🤮☠ Liam: we'll make a 🎬📹 I've still got the rave masks Edie: Yes Edie: it's the least we can do Liam: you'll feel a bit better at least Edie: no, it's not about me Edie: how do you think it went, before they showed Liam: you thought it went decently I could see it in your 👀 Edie: it did Edie: it was beautiful Edie: but did you like it? Liam: I reckon she would've Edie: she'd be proud, for sure Liam: yeah Edie: but I am, whilst I can't guarantee that Edie: I can this Edie: are we still going tomorrow Liam: I'll show up, if you can't get out send me a 6 Edie: I'll get out Liam: safely Liam: I'm not gonna watch you fall out your window Edie: I won't, babe Edie: no guard dogs here Edie: they can't keep permanent watch Liam: no 🔥🌉 either though Liam: your ma must already hate me Edie: I'm not staying though Edie: I'll pretend to listen to them Liam: I understand baby, I don't want to be here Edie: I want to take you to the beach Liam: we'll go then Liam: smooth it over after if we have to Edie: I don't know how to care about making them happy, never mind doing it Liam: all you need to do is say what they wanna hear Edie: wait 'til they hear about the baby Liam: we just won't tell them until your 🤰 makes us Edie: but 'til then Edie: literally who knows what they want Liam: we know what your sister wants, she told me Liam: we'll base it off that, be good Edie: 🙄 Edie: she's a fine one to talk Liam: don't you wanna behave with me & for me? Edie: for you, not them Liam: I'm only asking you to do it for me Liam: so they won't be getting in our way Edie: what do you want me to do now then? Edie: tell me Liam: explain why we did it but pretend you're sorry that it got out of hand Edie: alright Edie: I'll hate every second of it but I'll do it Liam: I'll make it up to you Edie: tell me how Liam: 💍 Liam: I'll get you one Edie: you already got me a pram Liam: that was for the 👶 too, I wanna give you something that's just yours Edie: oh Edie: will I have to hide it too though Liam: as long as you don't bury it Edie: we could pretend it's not THE 💍 Edie: put it on a different finger Liam: you've still got great ideas after earlier Liam: you really are a genius Edie: Hardly Edie: I'm just trying very hard to be very good for you Liam: you don't even have to try Edie: I do when it means having to hide how I feel about you Liam: nobody can say shit about me promising to marry you one day Edie: they say all kinds of shit Liam: you don't have to hide that we're in love whatever they say Edie: I never will Edie: they know I am, that they can't change that Liam: if you don't wanna be good we can leave tonight Edie: you're right that it'll make shit easier Edie: I can ignore them Liam: I don't care about shit being easier if you're not happy Edie: I am happy Edie: they might not be happy with the way it's come about but they can't harp on it too hard without making me miserable Liam: I couldn't have done everything today without you Edie: I'm glad I could do that for you Edie: that's how it should be Edie: is going to Edie: I've got your back, you've got mine Liam: yeah, like a family Liam: me & you are, however long this baby takes to show up Edie: there's nothing you could ask that was too much of me, seriously Liam: not a test this time Edie: can handle it either way Liam: I know 👀 Liam: but I can't handle missing you more than I do, if you wanna like be a huge bitch to me or something like Edie: I could try if you wanna be less loveable for a sec too Liam: one sec I'll have to try & stop thinking about how alive you were tonight first Liam: & find a less gay way to say it than that while I'm working on it Edie: you say gay, I say workable lyric or tat inspo Liam: when you've filtered it through your 🧠 it'll be right Liam: all I know is beautiful wouldn't be good enough Liam: 🎇🎆 Liam: either Liam: I think the closest would be when you get a puddle of petrol, all those colours, that kinda bullshit Edie: I wish I could tattoo that onto me Edie: a bruise would be closest to that Edie: but I wish I could see me how you see me more Liam: I'll start filming, see what I can do Edie: you have a year 'til my birthday too Liam: lots of chances to get footage then Edie: be good for the baby too, when it grows up Edie: see we loved them before they even got here Liam: we'll record as much as we can Liam: starting at the beach tomorrow Edie: we'll make a sandcastle dreamhouse Edie: and find the perfect shell to start a collection for them Liam: I don't think I've ever made one Edie: 1/8 ratio water to sand is a good start Edie: then it depends if you want the castle buckets, or a plain one so you can sculpt it yourself Edie: add seaweed, shells and pebbles, et voila Liam: I'm gonna look for enough shells to make a mobile too Edie: 🌌🧠💡 Liam: maybe we can make it sound on top of looking nice Edie: if we find some driftwood too, that would be 🔝 Liam: we'll go back if we don't Liam: until we do Edie: if we like it we can move there Liam: what kind of 🏠 do you want? Edie: one that's the perfect size for just us three Edie: and always feels cosy and like a home and is the place you actually always wanna come back to because it's that comforting Liam: 🗺❌ Liam: I'll take you hunting Edie: maybe we'll find another to takeover when we're down there Liam: lots of them are holiday homes now summer's over they'll be empty Edie: and not everyone invests in good security, even though they're rich enough to Liam: pick the one you like best, I'll get us in Liam: most people don't bother changing their alarm codes from the default Edie: right Edie: they kinda deserve it Liam: if you're not gonna treat your shit like you want it, someone else will take it Liam: why not us Edie: 9️⃣9️⃣9️⃣ Liam: how long can we stay this time without your ma calling that number herself? Edie: when we're on our way, I could tell her we've gone Edie: rude of her to stifle our creativity 📹🎞📼 Edie: but if we give her something, she might freak less Liam: you got any 🎁 in mind? Edie: you mean getting her a stick of rock or? Liam: whatever works Liam: you know I'll do it Edie: It's not even you, they admit they don't know you Edie: maybe we give them the chance, when we do come back? Liam: 🎲 Liam: alright Edie: it might be totally unbearable Edie: I make no promises to the contrary Liam: you don't have to, you'll be there Liam: unbearable is when you're not Liam: like now Edie: I know Edie: it hurts my heart not being with you right now Liam: if my ma decides to stop, I'll call you Edie: do Edie: I'll get out of here as soon as I'm physically able Liam: me too Liam: even if it means I'm waiting outside for you 👀 Liam: 🛰🌏 Edie: You can wait outside my window any time Liam: 📹🎞📼 Liam: 🤫 Edie: 😳 Edie: everything you do is hot Liam: I'm thinking about you whenever I do anything, maybe that's why Edie: I won't dispute that Edie: even though you definitely deserve more credit Liam: you can give it to me when the credits roll on your film & you realise what you look like to me Liam: & that everything I do is to turn you on or make you smile, laugh, all that happy shit Edie: I don't know what I ever did to deserve you Edie: but I'll be a better person from now if it means I get to keep you forever Liam: nah, don't change a single thing Edie: 🤏 😈 🤏 😇 Edie: got it Liam: we won't show every 🎬🎞 to the 👶 Liam: or every 🎤🎧 either come to think of it Edie: got to have things to protect them from Edie: may as well be us, not actually a threat Liam: [sending her all the cute baby videos such as when they eat a 🍋 etc like this will be us because we can't be dealing with our mother popping off anymore] Edie: [sending her stuff of the twins 'cos that big sister evidently lol] Edie: him* soz babe Liam: [Grace would die if she knew] Edie: [when you are 10 and MORTIFIED honey] Liam: [when his ma is having a breakdown and he's just spamming the bae with random adorable baby content from the internet casually] Edie: [so sorry to your ma but also not sorry we did] Liam: [he can't handle all your emotions gal I'm soz, we're living our best fantasy life here instead] Liam: [I vote this happens until he can actually call her and thus end the convo cos we know they highkey enough to do that]

[amphetameme-queen-blog]

If you slip up...

Here’s my master list of how to take care of yourself after a b/p, stay strong my lovelies!

1. Physical Damage Control

Teeth -

It's usually a warning sign to have bad teeth as someone less than seventy years old. It's a 'classic' symptom of bulimia and I've heard a lot of (rookies) swear by brushing their teeth. DON'T FUCKIN DO IT MAN. I used to b/p anywhere between three to ten times a day at my worst, but I always kept a handy supply of TUMS or antacids on me. Your teeth become weakened when you b/p in the first place, so the abrasiveness of toothbrush bristles tends to wear down on your enamel. I never brushed my teeth after I would purge, and I've been b/p'ing on and off for about four years now. Like I said - ten times a day at the worst. I went to the dentist last month and they said that my teeth were like, perfect. It was actually shocking. Thank god for chemistry I suppose.

So how does it work? Well, the calcium carbonate (the main ingredient of TUMS) neutralizes the hydrochloric acid (stomach acid) on our teeth like it would in our stomach. It's basically a high school chemistry equation.

CaCO3+ HCl -> CaCl2 + CO2 + H2O.

The symptoms you'll get (after an antacid) is basically just burping up the CO2 lol. It's much more preferable to tooth decay, might I say. OH and if you don't have any antacids on you, baking soda works in the same way. Just put a teaspoon of baking soda into water, swish it around your mouth, and spit it out. It doesn't taste great, but you could probably mix it with a little alcohol-free toothpaste so it tastes more minty. I highly recommend against swallowing baking soda because it will most likely irritate your stomach and make you even more nauseous, and not in an emetic way. (Ana butterflies don't get any stupid ideas it's not gonna work like you think). Swallowing baking soda just makes you kind of uncomfortable, really.

Y'all need to floss too. I sound like I've got a major stick up my ass, because who actually flosses flossing is for old people and l0zers fuck that shit. Nope. Flossing once before you go to bed helps your teeth against yellowing, in my experience. I wouldn’t recommend flossing post-purge as your gums tend to be much more sensitive. ‘Cuz who’s trynna get gingivitis yeah no one.

Sinuses -

​Remember that time you (regrettably) b/p’d on rice? And you felt that rice grain up there and took a napkin and blew fuckin snot rice into your napkin, like the sexy beast you are?

Yeah I remember that too.

It’s pretty apparent that stomach acid anywhere besides your stomach is a recipe for havoc. The stomach acid eats away at the mucous membranes in your nose, leading to constant sniffling, loss of smell, and chronic sinus infections. Even if you don't feel irritation in your nose immediately following a b/p, the acid can still lead to damage.

So how do you remedy this?

From my experience, the Neti-Pot saline rinse is the best bet. You can use the one that looks like a tea kettle or the one that's a squeezy bottle - both do the same thing. I have the squeezy bottle and it's really simple to use. You add water up to the fill line

And then you pour the saline packet into the bottle and mix thoroughly (just shake the bottle). Be sure to use FILTERED DRINKING WATER because tap water often contains heavy metals like copper or iron, which isn't good for your nose. Then put the plastic bottle with the saline-water solution into the microwave for approximately 35 seconds, and be careful to make sure it isn't too hot. Make sure it's just slightly warm and then screw the cap on tightly. Lean over a sink and gently squeeze the bottle into one nostril until the water comes out the other. Don't worry, it doesn't provoke the dreaded “oh god there's water in my nose I feel like I'm drowning” feeling. Your sinuses are connected and because the water is warm (like body temperature) it won't come as a shock to your body. Repeat the process on both nostrils until the bottle is done.

I've had actual chunks of food come out of my nose before, and I'm like, “shit, that would have just been hangin out in my nose the entire time?” So it's really important for preventing sinus infections or acid damage to the nasal cavity.

​Electrolyte Imbalances -

​If I had a dollar for the amount of times I've seen THAT PICTURE of the dead bulimic girl I would be richer than Donald Trump. Yeah, she died from gastric rupture blah blah blah but I always see blogs referencing that picture with the danger of heart failure and death in bulimics.

Despite how frequently I used to purge, I'm not dead yet! Hurray I guess! I used to get serious heart palpitations after a long day of purging, but I could mitigate some of those side effects with proper hydration and electrolyte drinks.

I ain't talkin no purple Gatorade shit either. Gatorade isn't as hydrating as one would think. It's made for athletes who are working out and sweating, and releasing salt through their skin. Gatorade replenishes the sodium and sugar, but if you're not working out/sweating a lot, the extra sodium could cause water retention *panics* The best option for electrolyte-replenishing is coconut water, in my opinion. It's naturally high in potassium, which is the principle electrolyte lost by vomiting. Pedialyte takes a close second for hydration because it's designed to replenish electrolytes, like if you have the flu or something. You can buy Pedialyte over the counter at most (American) pharmacies.

Electrolytes are important in muscle contraction, which includes the heart. This is why many bulimics die from heart attacks

Of course, the best way to get potassium is through potassium-rich foods. Some examples:

Avocado

Acorn squash

Spinach

Sweet potato

Wild-caught salmon

Dried apricots

Pomegranate

Coconut water

White beans

Banana

Source: Dr. Axe

Y'all also gotta be mindful of your magnesium too. Magnesium is lost (most notably) through diarrhea and thus laxative abuse. Here's how to remember the electrolytes:

Potassium is lost through Purging and Magnesium is lost by taking Mega Shits.

I'm laughing bahahah but I shouldn't be because the magnesium thing is no joke.

2. Psychological Damage Control

The Post Purge Freakout-

​Quit playin. You know what I’m talkin’ about, that anxiety like fuck fuck fuck what did I just do I’m a worthless human I deserve to-

Stop.

These thoughts seem real, like ground-breaking realizations that affirm your worthlessness and desire to continue hurting yourself with ED behaviors. Diffusing these thoughts feels like the hardest thing to do in the moment, of course, but self-care is one of the most important factors in preventing another episode. I’m not trying to be some over-simplifying, self-righteous therapist who thinks that mindfulness is the only way out ‘it’s all about positive self talk, honey!’ Nah fam, anyone who’s dealt with the vicious cycle of bulimia knows it’s not that fuckin’ easy, and so I’m not trying to sugarcoat the fact that post-b/p self-care can be really goddamn difficult.

The best post-b/p self care I’ve implemented is putting on cozy pajamas (if you’re at home) and just taking a five minute break from what you’re doing to listen to music, draw/write, or go on a short walk. Let yourself feel comfy and secure, like being wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket. Give yourself just five minutes to collect your feelings, and realize that a past slip-up can’t determine the future. Because that’s all it is - in the past. What’s in the past is done, and no amount of hateful self talk or self-injury will change that. But what you do in the present is what matters. Think about it as a fork in the road -

“Okay, so I just binged and purged, I have urges to hurt myself or compensate for what I just did, but what will happen if I don’t do either of those things?”

Nothing.

You might panic. You might cry. Let the tears come, if you are in a safe place where you feel you can do so. We know that the day might have sucked, but time stops for no one. The next thing you know, it’s the next morning. The sun is shining through your window, you are alive and your body is resilient. BOI IT’S A NEW FUCKIN DAY! YESTERDAY WAS A CAN OF SHIT, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, TODAY DOESN’T HAVE TO BE. The important thing is that you lived through those horrible feelings, and you’ll remember that. You’re stronger, more resilient, and persistent than you think. You don’t even have to be in recovery to apply this. That’s not what I’m getting at. If you’re pursuing a goal, whether it be eating at regular intervals or meeting a certain calorie limit, there are going to be times you might mess up. And good god, it is absolutely okay.

Imagine yourself going to bed the next night, realizing that you had your first binge free, purge free day since you could remember. Knowing that you fought your urge to b/p will help you remember that next time, “hey, I’m stronger than my urges.”

I guess what I’m emphasizing here is self-forgiveness. I know a lot of people’s ED’s are driven by self-hatred and you’re all such beautiful human beings who deserve to love yourself as others love you. Wow. That got really deep real fast. But hey, I’ve been through it all.

~

Yo. I'm gonna add more to this, but only if people are interested in my ED-related writing. I'm actually working on a blog right now but I figured I might as well post some stuff here for feedback. PLEASE comment I would love to hear from you guys. 'Do I write like a sappy self-help book'? 'Is it relatable and/or helpful?' Let me know in a comment or DM what you're feelin about it. Sending hugs!

[juiceboxandcrackers]

Last night at The Estuary

I assume that every location has their own little groups where you can meet and greet and explore ALL OF THE BDSM THINGS... That being said, our area has two active groups. Through The Looking Glass (we haven’t been) and The Estuary. We discovered them on Fetlife and check out the actual location about a month ago. The people were so welcoming and they don’t seem to fuck around. There are rules. There are safeguards.

Last night was the second time there and even though we had a rocky start to the evening because of some stupid shit I did... it was a head first dive into open play. Open play at The Estuary means you can create a scene using any of the equipment and tools available to explore your kinks. They have a Saint Andrew’s cross, a queening chair (I think?), this massive metal wheel you can be tied to, a spanking bench, and hooks and things to be suspended from.

Side note: There are some talented shibari rope play folks in this group.

I prepped the hell out of myself for it because Daddy told me he was putting me on display. Shaved all of the things, spent a little more time on hair and makeup because it calms me and its almost ritualistic for me. I have to sit there and think about WHY I am doing it and all the eyes that will be on me. My anxiety was twitching. Daddy requested that my nipples be seen but since I need support and don’t want to feel completely naked, I got to wear this pretty quarter shelf bra that I got from Lane Bryant yeeeaaaars ago and never had a reason to wear it. Support AND the nipples are free for sensation play. Winning. I wore crotchless panties because Daddy also wanted me to wear the tail he bought me... for more sensation play.. we will get to that. Threw on some thigh highs, a cute skater dress, and some five-inch stilettos... BAM.. Livvie was PREPARED.

I have a playlist in my Apple Music titled “TIE LIVVIE TO THE BED” which was used for our scene. I need to add more stuff to it, but what was played was perfect for our first scene.

Note: Crazy Train is not actually on the list. It was just a song I introduced to the nugget earlier today.

We opened the scene with Until We Go Down.

Daddy had me stand in front of the Saint Andrews Cross as he knelt down and slowly removed my shoes and as he came up lifted and removed my dress. I don’t think I looked away from him from that moment on. You see... The Estuary has this dungeon room of sorts (where our scene was) and sort of above it is a viewing area where other members can quietly and respectfully watch whatever is going down in the dungeon. So basically I am being cuffed and chained facing forward in little to nothing. Just focus on Daddy. Don’t look at the peoples. I watched Daddy like a hawk until I couldn’t. Cuffed to a cross, he teasingly put hair clips on my nipples, stuck a ballgag in my mouth and then ....blindfolded me. Oh. My. Fuck. That is the most terrifying and freeing feeling in the whole goddamn world. Vulnerable is not a strong enough word.

Daddy is crafty with sensation play. One of the tools he used on me last night was a basic dental cleaning tool that your dentist uses on you.

The feeling you have when it is drug across the skin is similar to having a knife tip graze your skin.... just smaller. It leaves these fun little lines all over the skin. I hope for knife play next time though.

Please, Daddy?

Betcha he says, “Yes, Babygirl.” Betcha!

He ran that thing all over ever inch of visible skin on my body... my favorite areas for this tool are my sides. It hurts and tickles at the same time. I love that fucking sensation so much.

He used Blue, his 42-falls blue suede flogger in various levels impact on my skin. I will introduce you to Blue in another tumblr post. I am being lazy and not wanting to get off the couch until this is complete to go take a picture of Blue. I love Blue. It is my favorite toy ever. Daddy knows how to make it feel good... like a friggin massage... and also hurt like the hand of God lighting your ass up. But it never leaves a mark. We love that. Aside from the tiny scratches from the dental tool that will be gone by tomorrow, we are not fond of bruising and damage to the skin. Daddy takes great care in preventing that. He is the bestest. Besides... as a burlesque dancer, I do not need to be shaking my ass on stage looking like I got in a fight.

He used Mr. Pinky (vibe) on my clamped nipples before removing them, unhooking me from the cross and turning me around to cuff me back to it. Here is where shit gets real.

We have made friends with a lovely couple at The Estuary that go by Dragon and his little Cherry (she is this adorable pixie-like creature). Dragon let Daddy borrow a reed type impact toy to try on me. I protested a couple times before I was on the cross, but honestly... I knew I deserved what was coming to me after the aforementioned bullshit earlier in the evening. I wish I had snapped a picture of the thing to post here because me trying to describe it verbally is pointless.

All I can really say at this point is that it got my fucking attention. Little taps with it are actually quite nice... but when Daddy puts a little power behind it (doesn’t take much) it stings like hellfire. I am undecided if *I* like it, but I know Daddy loved it. I think he likes the noises that escape my mouth when he gets me with it.

There was a point when I was facing the wall where Daddy removed the gag...

“Let me hear you...” he said in my ear.

I am thankful for that. The ballgag we have is a little ... big and it is hard to hear anything when I am wearing it. And left in too long and I feel like I have lockjaw or something. I hope we can find one similar, but smaller because I actually do love being gagged.

But back to the commands whispered in the ear... fuuuuuuck that gets me all kinds of wet. Maybe its not even the commands really... just the dominant voice Daddy has that I have apparently been obsessed with and turned on by since we were kids. Daddy voice is a real thing and it is heaven.

The scene ended before I realized it and I wanted more... but I was already in subspace to the point of almost incoherent communication.

I don’t know who brought me the super soft blanket to wrap up in but it felt like microfiber heaven on my stinging back and ass. Cuddles in the Aftercare Room were nice and next time I am bringing my favorite koala in case Daddy needs to leave the room.

Quiet cuddles in a dark room after that scene were necessary. That was one of the most intense experiences of my life. Daddy called me his little exhibitionist. I think it is too soon to call me that. Haha. I mean... I don’t hate it, but I am still not quite sure I could do it without the blindfold to make me forget where I am.

We shall see.

I have no doubt there will be more scenes in the future. I am excited to see where things go.

We went to breakfast with Abracadabra and his sub, Blue. That was honestly the best way to end the night... breakfast at 5 a.m. with new kink friends. They are such nice folks. After my second time being around everyone, I am not even sure why I was scared to begin with.

Now... to get Daddy on the cross under Goddess Victoria. Muahahahahaha. 😈

[storytaeme]

celebration – vmin

Doctors had always been his enemy, however, for the sake of the Christmas champagne, he would get his teeth fixed up by the cutest dentist. 

vmin week 2017 – taehyung x jimin

❧ Elements: Fluff  |  Dentist AU, Christmas Party AU

❧ Word Count: 5,353 words

❧ A/N: Merry Christmas, you guys!! I procrastinated again and hence this was finished off again in a little over 2 hours. It was fun to write so I hope you can enjoy it :^D (forgive typos my eyes r blurry rn)

Taehyung didn’t like doctors very much. As a kid, he had shied away from anyone who even resembled the authoritative figure. It wasn’t as if he had some traumatizing experience getting stabbed with a needle in the wrong part of his body—no. Doctors were generally just intimidating with their lab coats and strong frowns. They tried to play nice when he was younger, smiled and offered him a lollipop. But as he grew older, the fear towards them only amplified. They were less nice too—he never got candy anymore.

Whenever he could, he would just get his own medicine and treat his own wounds and sicknesses, avoiding the doctor as much as he could. However, there came a time in every adult’s life when they must face their fear for the good of their lives and the world itself.

The time for Taehyung was upon him.

It happened sometime close to Christmas. It was the first week of December and someone from the office, Seokjin, had brought homemade fruitcake for everyone in the building to nibble on. Seokjin was commonly known as the chef of the crew. He was an expert in all sorts of goodies and treats, which made everyone wonder why he went corporate instead of opening his own bakeshop. So fruitcakes were never a huge Thing with anyone, but the man had his way of making it so that everyone could enjoy it. It was delicious and Taehyung looked forward to it every year.

Unfortunately for him that year, things took a turn for the worse. It was in the first bite that Taehyung found himself in pure agony. He had released a yelp which caught the attention of the baker himself who hurried over in worry. “Oh my God, are you okay? Did you bite something hard?”

Taehyung winced and swallowed the treat. It went down smoothly so surely there was nothing in the cake that was the problem. However, his cheek was throbbing painfully and he could feel it swelling grossly. “Ugh,” he groaned, “this hurts, what the fuck?”

“Ha,” Jeongguk, an intern who had the guts of a senior member, snorted, “you must have a hole in your tooth or something. That’s what you get for not flossing.” This was probably his karma for making fun of Jeongguk for flossing after every meal. It wasn’t his fault—flossing was just such a tedious task, he didn’t know why anyone did it after every meal.

“Fuck off, Jeon,” he snapped, the pain biting at his cheek once again. This was such a bitch to deal with, especially during Christmas when everyone was in the gift-giving mood which meant that there was always something good to eat in the office—free of charge. He loved Christmas and all of its capitalism glory.  

Seokjin’s brows furrowed in concern. “He might be right, Taehyung-ah, when was the last time you went to the dentist?”

Answer: ninth grade when he needed to take his braces off.

Like he said, doctors scared him, but dentists were the worst. How anyone could just dig into someone’s mouth like that, drill holes into their teeth, and stick on pieces of metal that would magically right the structuring of his teeth was beyond him. If Taehyung limited his visits to his general practitioner, he downright avoided his dentist religiously. The guy was hell to deal with, was merciless when it came to numbing to pain (read: he never fucking numbed Taehyung to the pain). He needed to find a new one but had managed long enough to avoid the task for a double win situation in which he could eschew yet another doctor, as well as the actual dentist hunting job.

“Dunno, been a while,” he lied through his teeth which was still stinging.

“You should go, definitely go before Namjoon’s party.”

Namjoon was another of their coworker but was a close friend in their tight knit group. He held his annual Christmas party at his huge penthouse that his parents had gotten for him after graduation and always celebrated with a ton of booze and great snacks. It was a dream come true for an office worker like Taehyung who worked a low position that paid bordering on minimum wage. Plus, the guy always had the best champagne in the house that left Taehyung buzzing and giggly for the night.

“I hate my dentist, hyung,” Taehyung whined.

“Kim Taehyung,” Seokjin scolded as Jeongguk snickered, “you are a grown man, you are 27—”

“Excuse you, I am 28.”

“Even worse!” he huffed, throwing his hands in the air, “you should definitely get that checked up. I know a good friend of mine who just picked up a job nearby. He’s pretty reliable and was top of his class so he can take good care of you.”

Taehyung was about to spit out another whine about the evil of dentists but Seokjin only shoved a namecard in his direction. He took it gratefully and stared at it, hoping that his glare would burn holes right through it so he would avoid going to it. Alas, fate was not with him, and he didn’t have laser beams for eyes. In addition to that, he really, really wanted to enjoy that good ass champagne in Namjoon’s house.

Thus, some sacrifices must be made. Taehyung made his way to the dentist right after work.

“Did you go, Kim Taehyung?” Seokjin pressed, slamming his hand on his desk. It was break time and Seokjin had stalked his way over to his desk to interrogate him.

“Yeah, I’m a-okay, hyung,” he grinned.

Seokjin narrowed his eyes suspiciously before pulling out a cold bottle of water. The sight of it had his stomach sinking. “Drink this.”

“Hyung—”

“Do it.”

Fuck, he was fucked. He brought the mouth of the bottle to his lips and thought, hey, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Taehyung has learned that he was wrong about a lot of things in life—this was only another to add onto his list.

The pain was excruciating, traveling all the way from the ache in his teeth to a muddy fizzling in his brain. He let out a yelp as he banged his head against his desk to alleviate some of the pain with another. “Fucking shit, motherfucking holy shit,” Taehyung let out expletive after expletive as he continued to ram his forehead into his table.

“Serves you right,” Seokjin laughed, “I told you to go. Why didn’t you?”

“It’s scary, hyung,” Taehyung pouted, hoping that his cutesy act would work.

But his friend always had a better act, so it wasn’t surprising that it didn’t work on him. “Nice try, buddy. I’m calling my friend right now to book you and appointment and, if you don’t go, I will know and you will suffer my wrath. Understood?” Taehyung stuck out his bottom lip further. “I said, understood?”

“Yes, hyung,” he said, defeated.

That was how he ended up standing in front of the dentist office. That tooth sign above the building with the smiley face on it was taunting him, mocking him for being too chicken shit to even go into the place. He sucked up a huge breath before walking inside. There were so many people. It was terrifying.

Taehyung was about to walk outside when the nurse stopped him. “Kim Taehyung?”

Holy shit, how did they know his name? They were part of the mafia, weren’t they? He fucking knew there was something off about doctors. They all probably conspired for world domination. “Um, yes,” he squeaked.

“Welcome!” she grinned, “I’ve been instructed by one of our doctors to intercept you should you attempt to leave.”

What the fuck? “Who’s the doctor?”

“Dr. Park, he said that his friend called in to make sure you arrived. Since you’re already here, why don’t you take a seat? He’s finishing up with a patient and should be with you momentarily.”

Taehyung had his hands tied. It wasn’t as if he could run when the nurse kept a hawk’s eye on him, smiling at him every once in a while almost threateningly. It was as if she was warning him that she had a close watch on him. His knee kept bouncing the entire time. The clock was ticking aloud on the wall, reminding him of the passing seconds that came closer to his death. When his name was finally called, Taehyung let out a yelp and jumped to his teeth. That earned him a few chuckles from the other patients. Har de har, good to know his pain was bringing them some form of amusement.

“Follow me, Mr. Kim,” the nurse smiled sweetly and led him down another hallway towards one of the rooms.

Dr. Park Jimin

Holy shit. He was going to die. The nurse announced his arrival and he heard a deeper, more masculine voice respond from the other side. When he finally stepped in, really, the last thing he was expecting was a cherubic looking man who had a crinkly-eyed smile greeting him. He looked almost like an angel. To say he was beautiful would be an understatement. “Um, hi,” Taehyung cleared his throat awkwardly, fidgeting with his fingers.

“Taehyung right? Seokjin-hyung called earlier,” Jimin nodded. Taehyung wondered if Seokjin had exposed his fear of doctors despite being in his late twenties. “I heard you had a difficult time coming here so I appreciate you making the effort.” Yep, he definitely told him.

“Yeah, it’s a bit of a situation,” he chuckled nervously.

“Don’t be so scared,” Jimin smiled politely and gestured to the seat, “please. Get yourself comfortable and I’ll be with you in a second. I’ll just do a quick checkup to see the problem and we can fill in the holes should you need. Does that sound good?”

Taehyung could only manage a nod before robotically making his way over to the seat. He settled back and shifted around to get his shoulders to stop tensing up. But every time Jimin made some noise behind him where he couldn’t see, all he could picture was all the ways he could escape the room.

When Jimin finally appeared before him, snapping his gloves into place (Taehyung gulped at that), Taehyung was practically shuddering in fear. It didn’t go by unnoticed by the man, of course. “Are you okay, Taehyung-ssi?”

“F-fine, just a little nervous.”

Jimin’s lips quirked up on the corners. “Don’t worry, you’re in good hands. I’ll make sure it doesn’t hurt one bit. If you experience pain at any point, please let me know. Some things may sting a little but it shouldn’t be intolerable.”

Taehyung agreed obediently and opened his mouth when Jimin gestured him to do so. As Jimin said, he explained the procedure very carefully and slowly to ensure Taehyung that he knew exactly what he was doing. Taehyung would be so embarrassed with how calmly the dentist was speaking to him as if he were coaxing a child to relax if he weren’t so terrified. However, as promised, Jimin did everything quick and painlessly. Sure, there was a bit of a zing here and there, but it was nothing he could not handle.

The nurses left soon after as Jimin finished up with one last check up. “Looks perfect,” he grinned, eyes disappearing again. The entire time Jimin was chipping away at his teeth, which is so unsexy by the way, Taehyung’s gaze focused solely on the man’s face. Up close, he was even more breathtaking. His blonde hair falling upon his eyes and his gaze zoned in on Taehyung so intensely that he felt his breath hiccup in his throat. His cheeks were soft and rosy, round enough like a dumpling that Taehyung wanted to bite him.

It was a peculiar and novel reaction to a doctor. Taehyung had never experienced it before.  

“You’re all set,” Jimin beamed, patting his shoulder thoughtfully once he’s removed his gloves. “Please rinse your mouth there and I’ll give you a flyer of tips on how to care for your teeth.”

Taehyung did as he was instructed but his eyes still followed Jimin around the room as he fiddled around with folders and tools. The doctor seemed aware of his attention and turned around, quirking an eyebrow. “Is there something on my face?”

“N-no, no,” he coughed, eyes widening, “sorry. You just look very young, nothing like what I expected.”

Jimin laughed, taking no offense in his words. “Why thank you. I am quite young for a practicing dentist. I graduated early from university and jumped on training after training to get to where I am faster. A bit of an overachiever as you can see.”

“Yeah, that’s cool. Ambition is great,” Taehyung praised honestly because he really was impressed by his dedication.

“How about you?” he tilted his head, “Seokjin-hyung said you worked with him at the office.”

“Yeah, HR. Pretty cool when you’re not dealing with assholes in the department,” Taehyung shrugged. His job was pretty boring, especially when all he could do was sit in a cubicle waiting for tasks to be handed over to him. Seokjin was the head so he worked under him and he was a fantastic supervisor, but Taehyung couldn’t help but want something more for himself.

The dentist smiled understandingly. “I get you. It’s always kind of scary when you settle, but also when you have shitty coworkers. The nurses here are wonderful but, don’t tell anyone, the head nurse scares the living shit out of me.”

Taehyung laughed genuinely at that, heart easing of his worries. “It’s always the heads, huh?”

“Though, I do love head,” Jimin said nonchalantly as he tucked documents under his arm.

He said it so casually that Taehyung almost missed it, but he gasped, lips parting in surprise. “Did you just drop a dirty line?”

Jimin smirked, “Did I?”

“You really are a pretty weird doctor,” Taehyung muttered under his breath.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he giggled and the sound had birds singing outside. He might even pass as a Disney princess if the company ever took ethereal human beings to represent royalty. “Anyway, here are some brochures for you to read up on. Make sure to keep your gums and teeth healthy, Taehyung-ssi, if you want to avoid another trip to the doctor.” Taehyung flushed at that, but knew Jimin only meant well. “Also,” he lifted up a small box, “complimentary floss from me so you can keep your teeth clean.”

Flossing, ugh. He nodded, accepting it gratefully. “Thanks, Dr. Park.”

“Please, we’re the same age, call me Jimin.

Taehyung blanched, “You’re the same age as me?”

“Hyung didn’t tell you?” Jimin looked amused then, “how odd. But yeah, we’re both born in ’95.”

Holy shit. Taehyung felt so in over his head. “Wow, what are the odds?”

“Pretty big actually,” Jimin grinned, “so yep, that’s all from me. Any other questions?”

Are you single? Can I have your number? Do you like dogs? Can I marry you? How are you not as scary as every other doctor I’ve had as a kid?

“Nope,” he answered simply, “thanks, Jimin. It’s been nice meeting you.”

“You too, Taehyung, I’ll see you around.”

Taehyung thought that it was kind of cute that he was already dropping honorifics, but chose not to peep a word about it. With one last bow, he made his way over to the door.

However, before he could make it very far, Jimin intercepted him to hand him a lollipop. “For your gallant efforts,” he grinned, no malice or mocking whatsoever in his voice.

Taehyung might just be in love.

—

Namjoon’s penthouse was perhaps the most luxurious place Taehyung had ever set foot upon. While his apartment was a little on the smaller side, Namjoon had a generous amount of space to host his guests. The guy wasn’t a snob at all either, always so kind with his wealth and so philanthropic. Husband material, some might say.

When he arrived, dressed in a crisp salmon shirt, top button popped open, and his favorite jeans that made his ass looked fucking fantastic, Namjoon was the one to greet him. “Taehyung! You made it! How’s your teeth?”

Namjoon also was dating Seokjin so that meant that he was privy to every single bit of information that Seokjin knew—including the suffering of his colleagues and employees. “Perfect,” he grinned for added measure, flashing his perfect set of teeth.

“Great, ‘cause I’ve got that champagne you like.”

Taehyung breathed in, cupping the man’s face. “I think I love you.”

Namjoon only laughed and ushered him in, “You have to compete with Seokjin then for my affections. Food is out on the table, you know where everything is, don’t break anything, have fun.” With those last tidbits of advice, the elder was whisked away to tend to his other guests, namely Hoseok who was on the verge of toppling over Namjoon’s bookcase.

Taehyung mingled with a few coworkers he recognized. They ran in similar social circles so their friends overlapped, allowing the younger to interact with a lot of the people there. He was a bit of a social butterfly, if he had to admit. He didn’t really have a hard time communicating with others and initiating talks that could have them droning on and on for hours—he wasn’t sure whether it was a gift or a curse.

He stuffed his face stupid with food and too many flutes of that delicious champagne. His eyes scanned the crowd, most of the faces identified as familiar in his brain directory. However, only one individual stood out amongst the rest and he was standing in a far corner, quietly nursing his drink.

“Hey, Jimin right?” Taehyung grinned.

“Yeah, oh, Taehyung!” he snapped his fingers, seeming accomplished that he could recall his former patient’s name. “How are you doing? How’s your teeth?”

That’s the second time he’s been asked tonight, third if you included Jeongguk making fun of him for being scared of the dentist. He had gotten an ass whooping for that alone. “Teeth is great, pearly white and clean,” he widened his smile to show to his doctor that he had indeed taken his advice. Except for the flossing, he was going to make a ban on that.

“That’s great to hear,” Jimin looked relieved, “I hope there was no more pain afterwards.”

“I’ve been gorging down cake like there’s no tomorrow and a shit ton of this,” he lifted up his glass, “it’s great. I love having nice teeth again so I can stuff my face stupid. Have you eaten yet?”

Jimin brightened at that, nodding enthusiastically. “Yeah, hyung is a great cook, I still can’t believe he prepared everything for tonight. If I could husband that man, I would.”

“You take him, I’ll take Namjoon-hyung. It’ll be the perfect cockblocking plan.”

The other boy tinkled with laughter adorably, the sound ringing sweetly in his ears. Taehyung found himself seeking for jokes and material in his mind to elicit the same sounds from him. They ended up chatting amicably, picking up more champagne and snacks to fill their bellies. Somewhere halfway through the night, the two settled down on the couch. Taehyung leaning close to tell his stories, albeit a little drunkenly. Jimin leaning even closer to listen in and share his adorable reactions. They bumped foreheads every once in a while when they got too close, then proceeded to laugh at how ridiculous that was.

“You guys look comfy,” Seokjin showed up sometime afterwards, grinning from ear to ear. “Who knew that Taehyung would get over his fear of doctors by attempting to hook up with one?”

Jimin flushed prettily at that, his cheeks reddening to tomatoes and his ears heating up a fiery pink. Taehyung only scoffed, “Way to ruin my chances, hyung. I could’ve had a win-win there—get rid of my stupid phobia and nail a cute man. You’ve foiled it all.”

“My apologies,” Seokjin hummed, “but not really. You guys are grossly cute. I think I saw Jeongguk pop a boner just by watching the two of you.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes, “Jeongguk is an infant who gets his dick hard from seeing a good pastry. Don’t even deny it, I’ve seen it happen when you brought your homemade hazelnut croissants to work.” Then he directed his attention to Jimin, “Jeongguk is this brat in our division. Big muscles, scary eyebrows, but he is a baby. Our baby.”

Jimin chuckled again at that, patting Taehyung’s thigh comfortingly. “I think I’ve seen him around. Though, what’s cuter is probably your fear of doctors. I had no idea you had that.”

Seokjin snorted, shaking his head. “You should’ve seen him, he tried to lie about going to the dentist that I had to call you up,” he sighed, offering Taehyung his own condolences.

Heaven help him. Taehyung was about to offer his own condolences to his chances with Park Jimin. The man, he learned, was brilliant and beautiful at the same time. Also he had the brawns what with his toned body and gym addiction. He was the ultimate triple threat, the ultimate boyfriend material.

“Why are you still here?” Taehyung jutted out his bottom lip.

“Okay, okay, I know when I’m not wanted, you ass,” Seokjin hissed, getting to his feet. “Have fun, kids, don’t forget to use protection.”

When he finally walked away, Taehyung let out a frustrated huff. He really did need better friends who wouldn’t fuck up his chances with every cute guy he tried to chat up. It’s happened too many times before, especially when Jeongguk got a little too drunk during their one department outing to a club and he had draped himself all over Taehyung that he missed out on the chance of getting that sugar daddy.

Though, he supposed fate worked in funny ways. If he had a sugar daddy, he might not have been so keen to seek out Park Jimin this way, and that would’ve been the biggest regret of his life. The two of them had good chemistry that neither of them could deny. Even after only one interaction and that lengthy conversation, Taehyung felt as if he had found a new best friend in this man.

“So was it true?” Jimin asked then, turning his head cutely. God, Taehyung wanted to kiss his plump lips and maybe suck in that bottom lip and bite it.

“What? My fear of doctors?” Taehyung cocked an eyebrow and Jimin’s lips tightened and nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know. They freak me out. I’ve always been kind of terrified of them, not sure why. They’re kind of scary, you have to admit. Lab coats and that intimidating glare.”

Jimin giggled again, running his hand up Taehyung’s arm. “Do you think I’m intimidating?”

“No, you’re just… really cute. Like really, really cute,” Taehyung frowned, wondering if he was satisfied with that answer. Jimin was far from frightening, the guy practically existed like an angel.

“Hm, really? That’s good to hear,” Jimin murmured thoughtfully. Before Taehyung realized, the man had already placed a warm palm on his thigh. His touch burned and Taehyung suddenly was hyperaware of how close they were. He could feel Jimin’s breath against his neck, against his cheek. His hand on his leg squeezing the flesh underneath as if to remind Taehyung that it was fucking there. The air in the room seemed to diffuse out completely, leaving him a little breathless. How had he not been aware of the tension that arose between the two of them until then?

Taehyung could only babble his agreement, taking another big gulp of his drink to get more liquid courage.

“So,” Jimin started, scooting even closer if that were possible. Their bodies were pressed together, leaving no room for Taehyung to breathe. Jimin tightened his hold around his thigh again, looking up from his pretty lashes at Taehyung. “Since you’re so scared, why don’t I give you private checkups? I can make sure that you’re fit and healthy.”

“P-private checkups?” His brain suddenly stopped working. How did one even comprehend sentences when Park Jimin was this close?

“Mhmm,” Jimin hummed, creeping his hand up higher. He was so close, so close to his crotch. Taehyung’s zipper might burst from the sheer tenacity of its desire to seek Jimin’s hand. “I can get my hands all over you, make sure you’re nice and comfy before I start checking your body. Make sure everything is functioning fine and that you’re still a healthy, growing boy.”

Taehyung wanted to say that he was no longer growing, but the thought of Jimin calling him a good boy, that he was a healthy boy, had his dick stirring in his pants. God, he could practically imagine Jimin in his coat, laying him back on the bed and exploring every inch of him. He would run his heated hands and act as if he was checking on Taehyung, fondling his nipples and pinching them. Then he would wander his hand down south, ghosting over the softness of his stomach before wrapping around his dick.

Taehyung wanted to cry just letting his imagination take over. He was perfectly aware that he was basically hyperventilating at that point with the thought of a sexy doctor roleplay with Park Jimin. All thoughts and fears of doctors seemed to fly out the window when it was Jimin handling him. He could most definitely roll with that.

This was going to be the death of him. RIP Kim Taehyung.

“Yeah,” Taehyung swallowed thickly, “I think I can work with that.”

Jimin grinned smugly, “That’s good. I can even do the private checkup in my house, lay you out on my comfortable bed to make sure you’re relaxed and ready for me. Do you want that?”

Yes, yes, fuck yes. Sign him the fuck up. He was going to book himself for this one-on-one session everyday for the next five years of his life. He was ready.

Instead he said, “Yep, yep, sounds great.” He was barely keeping it together. His chest was so tight with his lungs pushing out what was left of his breaths.

“Do you want me to check on you, baby?” Jimin tittered close to him, teeth catching the shell of his ear teasingly. Fuck. Taehyung jerked a little in his seat. The member between his legs was throbbing painfully, practically begging for a release. God, he could feel sweat collecting in the back of his neck and making his palms all clammy. He was reacting like a prepubescent boy, Christ, he needed to get laid soon. Preferably by this sexy dentist who probably knew just how to toy with his mouth, maybe fuck into it with his dick too.

Shit.

“Taehyung?” Jimin whispered.

“Hm?” His voice sounded strained, forced. He was on the cusp of a breakdown and an orgasm at the same time. This was torture.

“You wanna get out of here?” Jimin squeezed his thigh again. Bad move, very bad move. He wanted to come on the spot. “My place isn’t too far away and I drove so—”

He leapt to his feet, bouncing lightly as he offered a hand out to the other boy. “Yes, shit, fuck yes. Let’s go. I’m ready to bolt and have you fuck my ass or the other way around.”

Jimin’s lips parted in surprise, his eyes briefly glancing around the room to see if anyone had noticed them. Fortunately, everyone was busy with their own devices and conversations, far too distracted to notice the bubbling sexual tension between the two of them. That was, except for Seokjin. But Jimin shouldn’t mention it to Taehyung then because it might ruin the moment. So he took his hand and grinned up at him. “Let’s go, baby, I’ll make sure you feel all nice and cozy with me.”

It was safe to say that Taehyung went back to Jimin’s place and had the release of a lifetime. It was like magic had rained down fairy dust upon the world and righted all of its wrongs. His orgasms (yes, fucking plural) were mind-blowing and muscle-exploding. He couldn’t move an inch afterwards. His ass was thoroughly fucked out because, turns out, Jimin was pretty rough when it came to bed and Taehyung really, really wasn’t complaining. He had gotten a nice, satisfying fuck from a very, very pretty man who was lying down next to him in that moment.

Jimin looked beautiful awake, looked beautiful as he fucked into Taehyung from above and leaned down to capture his lips. But he also looked beautiful asleep, his expression smoothed out into one of absolute peacefulness and serenity. His shoulders were bare and so was the rest of him underneath the sheets.

Taehyung took his time drinking in the man’s glorious beauty and wondering how God could have gifted someone with all the powers in the world to rule it. Life really wasn’t fair. But for now, Taehyung could feel that at least his irrational fear of doctors had been somewhat cured but also  compensated by this lovely man across from him.

He scooted closer, draping his hand over Jimin’s waist and feeling the boy tuck himself into Taehyung’s chest. His heart felt like it was about to burst and it was strange to feel so much for someone he’s only known for a short period of time. It might just be the post-orgasm high, but he would take it for that moment. He had all the time in the world to figure it out after all.

With that, he allowed his eyes to close, eyelids fluttering shut, and fall into deep slumber, dreaming of a beautiful man who could fuck the living daylights out of him but shit sunshine out of his ass. It was a good night.

“Kim Taehyung,” Jimin chided and the guilty man turned around to look at his boyfriend sheepishly. It was in their fourth month anniversary and Taehyung had taken him out to a good dessert place somewhere in between both their workplaces to sit back and relax. They had enjoyed their time there and managed to fill their bellies full of ice cream and cakes to their heart’s content and their stomach’s suffering.

“Yes, honey?”

Jimin narrowed his eyes sharply at him, flinging the tiny package in his direction. “Don’t honey me.”

“Jiminie—”

“Not that either.”

Taehyung pouted petulantly, “You’re being mean. And it’s our anniversary too.”

“It’s been four months, darling. When we’ve gotten past a year, then you can start breaking the rules. But for now, you live under my boyfriend umbrella so you have to follow what I tell you to do.”

In any other situation, Taehyung would find his being bossy a sexy trait. Jimin knew how to control himself in bed and knew even better how to control Taehyung just the way the both of them liked it. However, in that moment, all he wanted to do was throw a tantrum and toss that blasted thing into a flaming pit of fire.

“You’re mean,” Taehyung repeated like a child but popped open the lid again.

“Do you really want another hole in your teeth? I patched one up a month ago and you’re already pulling this shit again.”

“It sucks,” he whined, nuzzling his face into Jimin’s neck.

Jimin kept him at arm’s length and raised an eyebrow, “Don’t play with me, Tae. Do it.”

Releasing a sigh of surrender, Taehyung nodded solemnly and pulled it out. He cut off the floss with the cap and began to work at the gaps between his teeth, picking out everything he needed to keep it clean.

His boyfriend beamed proudly and cooed while pinching his cheek. “That’s my good boy. I’ll reward you good tonight, okay? You’ve kept your teeth clean after all.”

“Does that mean I get to suck your dick again?” Taehyung’s eyes sparkled.

“Yes, baby, yes it does.”

[gray-autumn-sky]

Meant to Be Yours, Chapter 19

Robin, Regina and the boys fall into familiar new routines; and Regina’s nightmares persist as she struggles to find a way to break the curse. All the while Valentine’s comes and goes.

For the anon who requested Robin and Regina dancing to “Can’t Help Falling in Love with you; and for @restrainedubiquity who requested Robin teaching Henry to dance (with Regina). Also, for @trina-deckers who requested a little Mal. While Mal doesn’t make an appearance, she (and DQ) are mentioned fondly.

Previous chapters can be found HERE; and the Valentine’s portions of this chapter might be a bit more clear if you read Valentine’s Past beforehand.

It was a typical Tuesday. Regina had picked up Henry from school after tutoring, and they’d gone to the grocery store. He helped her pick out the things on her list—running excitedly down the aisles in a way that always humored her and standing on the back of the cart as she wheeled him to the next item. And when they got home, they started preparing for dinner, waiting for Robin and Roland to arrive.

They chatted about the day. Henry told her all about a game of Red Rover that was played at recess and how he’d enjoyed the roast beef sandwich she’d made him for lunch and how one of his friends offered to trade a pizza Lunchable for it—something she’d come to know was pure gold in the third grade world. But when she’d asked about school itself, he’d sighed and shook his head, and he told her he didn’t want to talk about it just then. She pressed further and he offered her a lopsided little grin and ensured her everything was fine as he shifted uncomfortably—and before she could  ask again, there was a light knock at the door.

Once Roland and Robin arrived—with overnight bags in hand—everyone’s attention shifted to dinner. Roland was hungry and Robin brought a cake, and Henry was all too happy to help him frost it. And when dinner was ready, the boys set the table as Robin and Regina plated the food—and then it was time for clean-up and desert.

Robin cut slices of cake for the boys as Regina started to rinse the dishes and load them into the dishwasher, and once they were happily enjoying their cake, he turned to the sink to help her. She grinned as his hip knocked against hers, gently pushing her away from the sink, and taking over the rinsing so that she could focus on loading—and when he picked up a particularly grimy pan that would take more than a light rise to clean off, she looked back over her shoulder at the boys, still enjoying their cake.

“You never told me what happened at school today,” Regina says as her eyes focus on Henry and Robin reaches for a scrub brush. “You said we’d talk about it later, but... we haven’t.”

Henry sighs as he looks up from his slice of cake and his eyes roll. “We started something new in Language Arts today.”

“But that’s your favorite subject…”

Henry nods and sighs again—and this time his eyes roll, earning a soft chuckle from Robin. “Ms. Blanchard is making us do a unit on fairy tales,” he says as Regina’s eyes slide to Robin and his to her. “It’s going to be all… stupid princess and royal balls and gross kisses at midnight.”

Regina feels her stomach clench as her jaw tightens. “Well, not… all fairy tales are like that.”

“No,” Robin interjects. “There are stories of dragons and ogres and…”

Henry’s arms fold skeptically over his chest. “Not the ones Ms. Blanchard will pick,” he tells them. “You should have seen her. She was all starry eyed and…” Instinctively, Regina’s eyes roll—she knows the exact look he’s talk about. “…and she told us today that we’re going to have a cotillion.”

“That’s so cool,” Roland cuts in, his mouth full of cake. “I wish my class was getting one.”

Henry’s eyes narrow as he turned his attention to Roland. “What?”

“It’d be so cool to have one as a class pet!”

Henry blinks and in spite of her churning stomach, she feels a giggle bubbling in her chest. “I… don’t think you know what a cotillion is.”

“Yes, I do,” Roland says, looking between them all. “It’s like a lizard that changes colors and stuff.”

Robin laughs out. “That’s a chameleon, Roland, not a cotillion. A cotillion is like a… dance.”

“Like the chicken dance?”

“No,” Robin says, still laughing as he shakes his head. “Like… a ball. Like the one in Cinderella.”

“Oh,” Roland murmurs as Henry sighs. “Ewww.”

“Maybe it… won’t be so bad,” Regina says, reaching for the dishwasher soap as she takes a breath and looks to Henry. “This might be like the Thanksgiving Play. You didn’t think you’d have fun at that, and… then you did.”

“I… don’t think so,” he says as he stabs is fork into his cake. “I… have to dance with a girl.”

“Ewww,” Roland says again as he bites into his cake. “I’m sorry.”

Regina turns the dial on the dishwasher and then wipes her hands on one of the cloths as Robin leans forward, placing his elbows beside Henry’s cake. “Which girl?”

“Paige.”

“The one who sits at your table?”

Henry nods and his cheeks flush, “Yeah, she’s really nice… and pretty.”

“Then why don’t you want to dance with her?”

“Because,” he sighs, his brow creasing as Regina’s finger dips into the frosting of his cake and Roland giggles. “I… don’t know how to dance. She takes ballet classes. I’m going to look like an idiot.”

Before she can assure him that he’ll likely learn at school and that Paige probably doesn’t know how to do this particular dance either, a smile stretches across Robin’s lips. “Well, it’s a good thing that I do.” He offers Regina a wink as he pulls Henry off his stool. “I’ll teach you.”

“Now?” Henry asks with wide eyes as he reaches for his cake. “Don’t you have to… I don’t know… wait an hour after eating or something?”

“That’s swimming,” Robin laughs as he reaches for Roland. “Come on…”

Regina follows watches as the boys stand in the center of her living room and Robin pushes aside the furniture, looking doubtfully between each other. She leans against the frame of the doorway, the knot in her stomach loosening as Robin moves to the stereo and selects something to play.

“This sounds like the music at the dentist,” Roland mutters, scrunching his nose as he looks to Henry, who only shrugs.

“Turn toward each other,” Robin tells them—and she watches the boys exchange glances.

“I… don’t see why I have to learn to dance,” Roland says. “I’m not the one having a chameleon.”

“Cotillion.”

“Whatever.”

“Roland’s not a girl, anyway,” Henry says slowly, as he between Roland and Robin. “I need to know how to dance with a girl. It’s… different.”

Robin sighs as his eyes shift to Regina, and she watches as a warm grin pulls onto his lips. “Your mom’s a girl. Would you dance with her?”

“I’d even dance with her,” Roland says as he flops back onto the couch.

Henry giggles a bit and nods, and he turns to watch Regina come into the room. “I’m… not very good at this,” she tells them. “It’s been… a very long time since I’ve danced with anyone and I’m not sure that I remember how.”

“It just so happens I am a very good teacher.”

“That’s true,” Henry says with a nod. “He did the impossible. He taught me long division.”

“He also taught me how to shoot an arrow without hurting anyone,” Roland adds.

Regina laughs as her hands slide over Henry’s shoulders, giving them a little squeeze. “Okay, teach away.”

She grins down at Henry as he looks to Robin. “So, the first thing, you don’t want to get too close,” he says. “My mother used to tell me there should be enough room for her between me and the young lady I was dancing with…”

“Your… mother taught you to dance?” She asks, rhetorically as her heart flutters a little at the thought of Robin as a boy in Sherwood Forest, leaning to dance by standing on his mother’s feet and holding onto her apron strings. “That’s… so sweet.”

“I… hated it then, but those are very fond memories now,” he tells her with a wink, before turning his attention back to Henry. “So, take a step back.” Henry does as he’s told and then looks between them, as Robin nods. “Good, now hold out your left arm,” he says, his eyes sliding to Regina. “You, too.”

“Oh… right,” she murmurs as she presses her hand to Henry’s and her fingers lace down through his. “And my other hand goes around his shoulder…”

“Yes, exactly.” Henry grins a little awkwardly as he blinks up at her, and Robin situates his other hand on her waist. “Now, you have to act as a guide.”

“But I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Step forward, and you…”

“Step back,” Regina injects with a grin. “I remember.”

“Good,” Robin says, watching as Henry steps. “Now left…” Henry giggles and looks down at his feet. “And back, the right and…” Robin laughs a little as Henry concentrates on his feet. “You’re doing great, now… again. Forward, left, back and right… there you go.”

Henry smiles up at her—and she finds him unexpectedly bright-eyed, and for that moment, it’s so easy to get lost in his happy smile.

____

Regina falls asleep easily—Robin is breathing rhythmically at her side, and down the hall Henry and Roland are tucked in. As she drifts to sleep, thinks of Henry’s giggle as they slowly moved around the carpet—and in spite of everything looming, she’s glad that the most troubling thing in his day was worrying about impressing a little girl in his class.

Her eyes flutter open and she squints, feeling a rush of cool air—and when her eyes adjust to the dark, she’s no longer in her bedroom. Swallowing hard, she looks around in search of Robin, but he’s not there with her—and she can’t help but think that has to be a mistake. She takes a few steps forward, and it’s only then that she feels the weight of whatever it is that she’s wearing—and her hands begin to explore, feeling over the thick, scratchy tulle of a full skirt.

It doesn’t make sense—none of it makes sense—and she feels a sense of panic seeping in. She looks around wildly in search of someone—and she takes another step—and then her foot touches to something firm. Letting out a shaky breath, she presses her eyes closed—and when they open again, her breath catches in her throat, and she takes in the carnage.

There are bodies everywhere—bloody and lifeless—and smoldering flames in the distance. There’s not a sound to be heard outside of herself—the fast-paced thumping of her heart and the little whimpers that escape her as she makes her way through what seems like a sea of lifeless bodies. Tears fill her eyes as she realizes what she’s done—and then she hears a rustling.

Spinning in the direction of the noise, her eyes search the darkness, looking for some sign of life, some glimmer of hope. She moves toward the sound, still not seeing anything or anyone, and she pray to any higher being that might be listening—but for what, she doesn’t know.

“Don’t hurt me,” says a familiar little, distant voice. “Please.”

Her heart sinks as she turns her head sharply—and a few feet away from her, she sees a terrified little boy, staring back at her with tears shimmering in his hazel eyes.

“Henry!” She calls, reaching out into the darkness for a boy who isn’t actually there. Her heart races as she looks around the bedroom, watching the way the moonlight streams in through the window and illuminates a patch of carpet. Taking a deep breath, she feels tears flood her eyes, haunted by the fearful way Henry had looked at her. Lying back, she lets out a shaky breath—and then the lamp turns on.

“Hey,” Robin murmurs groggily, as he rolls onto his side. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just…”

“Had a nightmare,” he supplies as she nods. “Come here.” She slides toward him and he rolls onto his back, pulling her down into his chest as his arms wrap around her. He drops a couple of kisses over the top of her head and his hands rub up and down her back. “You’re okay,” he tells her. “It was just a dream.”

“But… it… it wasn’t,” she admits in a small voice. “It was… a memory.”

“Ah…”

“But Henry was there and he… he saw what I’d done and he…”

“Shhh…”

“He was so afraid.”

“It’s okay,” he says again. “Memory or not, it wasn’t real.”

“But…”

“Shh…” He murmurs as his hand slips to the small of her back. “It’s over now.” He presses a kiss to her hair, and holds her for a minute or two. Her eyes close and she listens to the soft beat of his heart—and there’s something so soothing about having him so near. “Per Henry’s instructions, I am supposed to take you down to the kitchen and warm up some milk and honey.”

“That is how we generally treat nightmares around here,” she murmurs quietly. “But, you don’t have to…”

“If it’ll make you feel better, I will.”

A small smile edges onto her lips as she tips her head up. “This is making me feel better.”

He presses a kiss to her forehead. “How, um… how of often does this happen?”

“I… don’t know,” she lies, not wanting to admit that she barely remembers the last time she had more than one full night’s rest. “Occasionally.”

“Once, twice? Nightly?”

She blinks and looks away, pressing her head back to his chest to listen to his heart beat. “Something like that...”

“And… what do you do?”

“Try to go back to sleep,” she admits quietly. “Sometimes Henry’s up—that’s when we have milk and talk—but mostly, I just try to go back to sleep.”

“Does that work?”

“No.”

He sighs and hugs her a little tighter. “Call me.”

“What?”

“The next time this happens, if I’m not here, I want you to call me.”

Lifting her head, she rests her chin on his chest. “I can’t do that. I can’t just wake you up every…”

“I want you to,” he cuts in. “You… shouldn’t have to suffer in silence.” He grins a little and combs his fingers through her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “I love you. I want to help.”

“I love you, too,” she murmurs, “But… I just…”

“Let me help.” With a sigh, she nods and lies back down against him. “Do you… want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay,” he says. “Do you want to go back to sleep?”

“No.”

“Do you want to talk about… something else?”

“Sure,” she breathes out, pressing her eyes closed. “Talk about something.”

“Okay,” he begins in a tentative voice—and then she feels a chuckle rumbling in his chest. “We could talk about the birthday you had last week that you didn’t tell anyone about.” Her head lifts and her eyes widen—she didn’t know that he knew—and before she can ask, a grin tugs up from the corners of his mouth. “I read your story, remember? And, I took notes.”

“You… took notes.”

“Yes,” he says with a nod, “Because as much as I love and trust you, I’ve come to realize that when it comes to information about yourself, you are often an unreliable courier of information.”

“I… am not.”

“You never give yourself the benefit of the doubt, you always see just the bad and you always ignore the good…” She lifts his head to protest, but his finger presses to her lips. “All I’m saying is that you’re hard on yourself.” He grins. “Though it would have been nice to spoil you for day, I… think I understand why you didn’t want to celebrate.”

“It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to, I just… after all these years of living under the curse, things like birthdays stopped mattering.” Robin nods and she sighs a little. “But I have to admit, even though no one knew, I had a pretty fantastic birthday this year.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she says as a small grin creeps onto her lips. “You and Roland were over for dinner and we had apple pie, and… I got to pick the movie… and…” she laughs a little, “I couldn’t have asked for better birthday.”

“I’m glad,” he murmurs as he leans in and presses a kiss to her forehead. “And I suppose I could find another day to spoil you… perhaps on Valentine’s Day?” Her eyes widen a little. “Is it okay that I made reservations?”

“Oh, I… I don’t know that I want to leave…”

“I made lunch reservations,” he cuts in to clarify. “I was thinking that since it’s a Friday and I don’t have to tutor, we could both take the afternoon off and celebrate together, and then we could pick up the boys and celebrate with them after school.” His grin brightens. “We could make heart shaped pasta and caprice salad and… decorate sugar cookies with them and…” His voice trails off. “What do you think?”

“I… think that sounds perfect.”

“Then, it’s a date.”

“It’s a date,” she says, as she inhales a long breath, then slowly exhales it as she cuddles back into him. “Robin,” she asks after a few minutes. “Can you… keep talking?”

“Yeah, of course,” he replies without questioning it, “Whatever you want.”

Closing her eyes, she takes long breaths, slowly releasing them as she listens. His voice is soothing and his touches methodical, and she can’t help but feel comforted—and there’s something so freeing in that. For so long, she’d considered the nightmares that tormented her night after night to be her penance; they were the price she paid for her sins—and thought she didn’t necessarily disagree with that, the temptation of Robin’s comfort was too great, and she was too weak to resist it.

His words bled together as her eyes grew tired, and felt herself drifting back to sleep, no longer feeling guilty or afraid. She felt Robin’s hand stop as he pulled himself up a little and her eyes fluttered, just as the door pushed open.

“Mom?”

“Henry,” she murmurs, pulling herself up.

“I saw the light on and…” he fidgets in the door way as he looks between her and Robin. “And I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh,” she breathes out. “Do you want to talk about it?” He shakes his head and before she can say anything else, Robin pulls back the covers and pats the bed. Henry hesitates for a moment, chewing at his bottom lip as a warm smile stretches onto Robin’s lips. She looks from Henry to Robin, then back again, watching as Henry takes a tentative step forward. She slides away from Robin as he reaches for Henry, lifting him into the bed and settling him in the center. Immediately, Regina’s arms wrap around him and he cuddles into her. “You’re sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“Positive,” he says in a decisive voice as he cuddles closer. “Can I sleep in here?”

“Of course…” Regina murmurs glancing over the top of Henry’s head and grinning appreciatively at Robin, who offers her a wink before rolling over and turning off the lamp.

Her cheek rests atop Henry’s head and she traces circles against his flannel clad back—and finally, she feels his breathing even out, and finally, she can close her eyes—then, just as she does, the door creeks open again.

“Why is everyone in here?” Roland asks as he walks to the center of the bed.

Robin sighs, then laughs; and once again, he peels back the covers and pats the bed—but before he can lift Roland, Roland jumps onto the bed, and neither she nor Robin can keep themselves from laughing.

____

She’s lost track of the hours she’s spent in Archie’s office—hours waiting and in session, hours pacing in front of his office building, hours wondering just how much she could reveal without sounding too crazy, even for a psychiatrist. Though, in spite of never being truly honest with him in their sessions—never revealing the source of her nightmares or the sordid past that plagued her even in her waking hours—they’d helped.

And she reminded herself of that every time she sat in Archie’s waiting room, waiting for Henry.

Finally the door opened and Archie led Henry out, and they both offered her a little smile—and she felt a small pang of guilt as she smiled back and held out her hand to her son. He took it easily, his little fingers folding around her palm as Archie waved goodbye, and chattered on about his session, not really telling her much and focusing on irrelevant details—and not at all aware that the next morning, she’d be back in Archie office to go over his notes, just as she had after each of his sessions. In some ways, that felt like a betrayal of trust—Henry believed that his sessions were private, that what he told Archie stayed between the two of them—but she was far too concerned to be kept out of the loop; and, as she often reminded herself, these Thursday morning meetings had been Archie’s suggestion, not hers.

“So,” she cuts in as they step outside, “What do you want to do for dinner?”

“I’m starving,” he tells her, as he pulls his hat down around his ears. “I’ll eat anything.”

“I’m pretty hungry too,” she replies, casting her eyes down Main Street. “Do you want Granny’s? We have…”

“I always want Granny’s,” he interjects, offering her a wide grin. “Can I get a milkshake?”

“Sure…”

Henry swings their hands back and forth as they walk toward the diner, and he fills in her on everything that happened in his day. He tells her about the Valentine’s art project they got to do—explaining that he chose to paint his hearts green because he chose a black background, and decided that meant they were alien hearts—and then he seamlessly transitions into other stories. He tells about a spelling test that he got an A on, and he tells her about the kickball game they played in gym—and heart beat skips when informs that he didn’t cry when he skinned his knee.

When they get to the diner, he runs ahead of her, claiming a booth in front of the window. Ruby hands her two menus and sets two glasses of water down on the table, letting them know she’ll be back in a few minutes to take their order.

“Did… anything else happen at school?” She asks, handing him a menu, not want to ask directly about the fairy tale unit his class was supposed to start—and she hadn’t quite made up her mind about how she felt about it. “Maybe something you… weren’t really looking forward to?”

Henry blinks a few times as he considers—and then his eyes light up. “Oh, yeah!” He exclaims as he turns away from her and reaches into his backpack. “I got my math test back today,” he says, turning back to her and handing her a folded piece of paper, that slowly takes from him. “Look.”

She watches him as she unfolds the paper, and then, her eyes cast down—and immediately, her breath hitches in her throat. At the top of the test next to his name, in pink glittery ink is an 80%, with a smiley face in the center of the zero. There’s a sticker on the page with a little note—also written in pink glitter—and the note is full of compliments and praise. Taking a breath, she reads it a second time—and no matter what history she and Snow White have, she’ll never be able to thank her enough for caring about Henry the way that she does.

“I got a Batman sticker,” he says, almost shyly.

“I see that,” she replies, taking a breath and laughing a little as she fights back proud tears. “This is going on the refrigerator when we get home.”

Henry giggles. “Is there room?”

“We’ll make room.”

He giggles again as Ruby come back to the table, a pen and notepad in hand, ready to take their order—and Regina laughs as Henry orders a cheeseburger, fries and a milkshake, and then lowers his voice and asks for extra whipped cream. Ruby offers him a wink and tells him she’ll see what she can do, and then turns to Regina to take her order.

Henry continues to tell her about his day, all through dinner; and not once, does he make a mention of fairy tales. By the time they’re done and the bill is paid, the sky is dark, making it seem much later than it is. Henry takes her hand again, as they walk back to her car at City Hall, swinging it back and forth as he goes on about how excited he is to start The Goblet of Fire—and how he thinks this might be his favorite. She reminds him that he’s said that about all of the Harry Potter books, and he just giggles, unconcerned with that particular detail.

As they pass a mailbox, Regina stops and reaches into her purse, carefully drawing out an envelope and concealing the front of it with her gloved hand. She drops it into the mailbox quickly and she’s glad when Henry doesn’t ask about it as they turn toward the parking lot in front of City Hall.

“Mom?” He asks in a suddenly tentative voice as they reach the car. “I… need to tell you something.” Regina blinks, and looks over at him as she unlocks the car, opening his side first. “Dr. Hopper said I should tell you… that… that I made up my mind about what I want to do.”

“What you want to do…” she repeats, not quite following. “What do you mean?”

“I… I think I… I want to… meet her,” he says as he fumbles with his fingers and focuses his attention at his feet. “I mean, I just… I think…”

“Her,” Regina repeats, her stomach suddenly tightening. “You mean your birth mother?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh…”

“Is that still okay?” He asks, looking up at her with wide eyes. “Because if it’s not then I don’t want…”

“No, no, no,” she cuts in. “It’s still okay.”

“You’re sure?” A small smile tugs onto her lips, and she nods. “Dr. Hopper thinks that… that it might give me closure.”

Regina takes a short breath, and again finds herself nodding. “It might.”

“You’re not… mad?”

“No,” she says, crouching down in front of him. “I’m not mad.” Taking his hands in hers, she gives them a squeeze and then presses a kiss to his cheek. “Tomorrow I’ll see if I can get in touch with her, okay?” Henry nods, and she can see that he’s still unsure. “But, I want you to know that… she might not want to.”

“I know,” he says. “Dr. Hopper said that, too.”

“You have a closed adoption…”

“I know,” he says again. “I just… want to try.”

“Then we’ll try,” she tells him simply, leaning in once more to kiss him. “Now, let’s go home—with any luck, we can get two chapters in tonight.”  She offers him a wink as she stands up and her stomach tightens yet again as a small smile edges onto Henry’s lips.

_____

She couldn’t help the yawn that escaped her as she turned the page of an old leather bound book—a book that made her smile for all the wrong reasons. It seemed like a life time ago Maleficent had given it to her—a gift of encouragement at the beginning of their too-brief love affair, and a book filled with old magic and obscure spells. She remembers the way she poured over the handwritten pages, admiring the way the ink looked on the parchment and the gold-edged pages; and remembering the heartening way Maleficent explained, how they’d practiced and how she’d slowly found herself believing that all the answers could be found in magic.

But eventually, just like their love affair, magic lost a bit of its shiny allure—and she was no longer sure it could be her salvation; and just as she’d realized then, she now realized she’d found yet another dead end and another promising spark extinguished.

Feeling her frustration bubbling up, she took a long, deep breath and pushed the book away—and from the corner of her eye, she catches a glimpse of the little clock in the corner of her computer screen. And a slight smile begins to tug onto her lips.

The night before she and Robin had spent about hour or so on the phone, planning out their Valentine’s Day. He’d kept laughing about their lack of spontaneity and she’d kept insisting she found the careful planning he always put into their time together sweet—and admittedly, a bit of a relief.

He’d made reservations at the Chop House a few buildings down from his shop, and they’d agreed to meet there just before noon—and then, she asked if he’d want to go back to her house for a little alone time. She’d barely been able to contain her smile as she asked him—and in his voice, she could almost hear that he was smiling, too. For the first time in her life, she’d bought a matching set of lingerie that was someone else was meant to see—and her smile deepened as she thought of Robin’s expression when he saw her in it—and the effect it might have. Then of course, they’d pick up the boys from school and spend the rest of the evening eating heart-shaped pasta for dinner and frosting sugar cookies as a movie that one of the boys picked out played.

And she could hardly wait for any of it.

Rolling her shoulders she got up from behind her desk, stretching out her arms as another yawn escaped her—and once more, she tried to push away her exhaustion. The night before, Henry had gone to bed early with a headache; and then, a few hours later, he awoke breathless and in tears. She’d gotten up with him and crawled into his bed, and they read together for a little while. Eventually, Henry fell asleep, cuddled into her side and stretched out on the small twin bed, and she’d lied beside him, awkwardly formed around him, awake with wandering thoughts—and then suddenly, it was morning.

“Knock, knock,” Robin’s voice calls as his head pokes into the door and a smile stretches across his lips. “You ready?”

“I… thought I was meeting you at the restaurant,” she replies, as her eyes widen in surprise. “We decided…”

“I know, I know,” he tells her with a nod. “That was the plan, but.. I thought it’d be nice to walk together.”

“Oh…”

“It’s nice out today, and…” he chuckles softly as he steps into the office, holding out a long-stem rose. “And I couldn’t handle John’s pathetic attempts at finding a last-minute date.” He shakes his head. “He’s resorted on hitting on customers and giving them coupons. They’re grateful for the coupons, but… not as grateful for the rest of it.”

She laughs a little as she takes the rose, smelling it as her cheeks flush slightly. “Poor John.”

“I have something for you…”

Her eyes widen a little. “We agreed no gifts.”

“It’s… not really a gift, exactly,” Robin says as his smile brightens as he draws out a little red box. “It’s just… a little something I’ve been wanting to give you, and… today seemed like a perfect day to finally do it.”

“Robin…”

“It’s nothing…”

Her eyebrow arches as she lifts off the top—and a smile curls onto her lips. “It’s a key.”

“It is a key,” he says as her eyes cast up to meet his. “It’s a key to my house,” he tells her as he shifts his weight toward her. “I… also cleared out a drawer, but I… couldn’t exactly put that in a box.”

“Robin… you didn’t…”

“I just… figured we’ve been spending so much time with each other and…” He shifts again as a chuckle rises into his voice. “I thought this would make it a little easier. You and Henry could keep some things at my place and…”

His voice trails off and her breath hitches in her throat as she leans into the tips of her toes and presses a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you,” she murmurs as she steps back. “It’s… very thoughtful and… practical.”

“Practical,” he repeats, chuckling again as he shakes his head. “Nothing screams romantic like a practical gift.” Rolling her eyes, she swats her hand at his chest and he catches it, tugging her to him before kissing her—kissing her long and deep until her head is dizzy. “So how about lunch…”

They walked together to Chop House—and for a while, she’d forgotten how tired she was—and after a heavy lunch of filet mignon and too much red wine—they found themselves back at her house. They’d barely made it up the stairs, standing at the very top. He had her pressed against the wall and fingers threaded through her hair; her heart was beating faster and faster as his hand to the back of her skirt in search of the zipper.

“Wait,” she murmurs against his lip, pushing her hand up between them as a wave of dizziness washes over her. “Just… a second.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just…”

“Regina,” he murmurs, ducking down a bit to look her in the eye. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” she replies, blinking a couple of times as she rolls her shoulders. “I’m fine.” Taking a step back, his hand falls from her the nape of her neck to her hand, giving her a soft tug toward the bedroom. His arms slides around her waist as she and his lips flutter over her jaw and grin pulls onto her lips. “I am absolutely fine.”

“Are you?” Her eyebrow arches as and his grin warms. “When was the last time you got a decent night’s sleep?”

She sighs. “Robin, I’m…”

“Exhausted,” he interjects. “You looked like you were ready for a nap when I walked into your office and all through lunch, every time you blinked, your eyes stayed closed longer and longer.”

“I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t apologize,” he says, leaning in and dropping  a kiss to her forehead. “But honestly, when was the last time you slept through the night?” Shaking her head, she shrugs—she honestly doesn’t remember. “So, how about a little change of plans, hmm?”

“I want to keep the plans we have.”

“Another time,” he tells her. “In a few hours we’re going to have two very excited and candy-fueled little boys to entertain—and, speaking from personal experience, you’ll need all the energy you can get for that.”

“But I’m…”

“Fine, I know,” he says, shaking his head, he presses his finger to her lips. “But, let’s take a nap anyway.”

“Robin,” she says shaking her head—grimacing as she feels her jaw tightening as a yawn begins. “Okay…” Moving around her he reaches for her pajamas, handing them to her as he tugs off his shirt; and with a reluctant sigh, she takes them and pulls her shirt from her skirt, watching as he undoes his belt. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs as her skirt drops to her feet and she steps into the cotton pajama shorts. “I…”

“Will give me a rain check,” he cuts in with a wink, kicking his pants away. “A rain check I insist on cashing in.” A grin pulls onto her lips as she pulls on the tank top and before can say any more, he’s reaching for her.

Her guilt is short-lived—and as soon as she lowers herself onto the bed, her head sinks into the pillow and Robin slides in beside her, stretching his arm around her as she cuddles back to him and lets her eyes close,  her guilt is gone and she’s not sure she’s ever felt anything so satisfying.

_____

She couldn’t help but laugh as Roland struggled with the plastic packaging of the heart-shaped pasta—a thick, crunchy plastic with a glossy cardboard label stapled at the top—and with every tug, he grunted and grimaced and growled. Despite his struggles, he seemed determined, not asking for help—and judging by the way Robin was biting down on his bottom lip, the show Roland was putting on was far too entertaining to stop by the offering of assistance.  Henry giggled as stuck a tooth pick with a little heart topper through a cherry tomato and little ball of mozzarella and Roland dropped the back onto the counter, breathless and annoyed. His eyes turned to Robin, who only shrugged and continued cutting the baguette that would soon be garlic bread.

“Here, sweetie,” Regina says, turning away from the boiling pot of water and reaching for the jar of utensils by the stove. “Try this.” She hands him a pair of scissors and he grins shyly as he took them from her as he takes them, and she hovers as he cuts off the top of the packaging. His grin broadens and he looks at the label. “I’m going to keep this,” he decides.

“The label to the pasta?”

Roland nods as he hands her the bag of pasta and she watches as Robin’s eyebrow arches and Henry looks up. “We have to make a collage for school next week,” he tells him. “I’m going to put this on there.”

“The label to the pasta,” Robin says again.

“Yeah,” Roland tells them as his finger traces over the edge. “We have to put stuff on it that we like.”

“If I had to make one, I’d put superheroes and books on mine,” Henry says, as he pokes another toothpick through a tomato and mozzarella ball. “And I’d draw legos.”

“So, you’re putting the pasta label on yours,” Robin repeats as a slight chuckle rises into his voice. “Why?”

“Because,” he says, as if it should be obvious. “I like having dinners here.”

Regina looks back over her shoulder and her eyes shift quickly from Robin to Roland. “That’s sweet,” she tells him as she turns away from the stove, letting her hand slide around Roland’s shoulders. “We like having you here for dinner, too.” Leaning in, she presses a quick kiss to the top of his head—something that’s become an increasingly natural thing for her to do. “What else are you going to include?”

Roland goes onto tell them all the other things he’s collected—listing them carefully in a slow voice. Her eyes shift from Roland to Robin, whose listening with a little smirk and then to Henry, who reacts to everything with an ooh or nod or some other approving gesture as he continues to stab the toothpicks through the tomato and cheese.

It’s odd to her that half of a year before, they were all practically strangers living such separate lives; when she’d brought Henry to Storybrooke, she had certain expectations of what their life together would be like. The curse was an obvious obstacle, but in the back of her head, she’d always assumed it’d be just the two of them—that the rest of the world would go on around them. And then, suddenly, there were these two other people in her lives, people she couldn’t shut out—people she didn’t want to shut out—and it became difficult to even picture a life without them.

She never anticipated there’d ever be a time in her life she had someone to rely on—someone who was consistently there, someone who consistently wanted to be there—and she’d never anticipated looking toward the future. For so long, she’d been trapped, living a different variation of the same things over and over again—and this was like a breath of fresh air.

And that afternoon had been a reminder of that—as cliché as it was.

Robin woke up her with a trail of fluttering kisses. He started at her shoulder and traveled up her neck to her jaw, letting his lips tail over her cheek to her earlobe—and slowly she’d begun to stir. She felt his hand slide against her stomach, drawing her back against him. His fingers dipped just below the band of her shoulders and his foot rubbed against her ankle—and before she was even awake, she could feel his warmth as a smile tugged onto her lips. Sighing contently, she stretched out her legs and blinked open her eyes, rolling onto her other side to face him. Her smile brightened and the tip of her nose brushed against his—and she couldn’t help but laugh out as he pulled her tight against him and rolled them over, so that he could properly kiss her. They stayed in bed together for awhile, trading soft touches for lazy kisses, and everything felt so good and so unassuming; and had they not had to pick up the boys from school, it would have been so easy to spend the rest of the day like that, so relaxed and calm, unworried about all the uncertainty that laid ahead of them.

“Oh, and I made you something,” Roland says, his attention turning to her and bringing her back into the present moment. “I almost forgot.”

“But you didn’t,” she says as Robin moves to the stove to check the sauce and Roland hops off his stool, running toward his backpack.

Henry cranes his neck and smiles curiously as he tries to see whatever Roland is pulling from his back pack and her own smile, pulls onto her lips. Stretching an arm around Henry’s shoulders, she squeezes him and offers him a little wink as Roland runs back toward them, holding out a flower made from pipe cleaners.

Her breath catches in her throat as she reaches out to accept it, unable to think of anything other than a Valentine’s day long ago, a day that only she remembers, when he’d given her the exact same flower—and he’d given her a tiny flicker of hope as he unknowingly turned a terrible evening into one that was worth remembering.

“I made it in school today,” he tells her proudly as she nods, unable to find her voice as tears flood her eyes. “I… I didn’t mean to make you sad,” he murmurs as smile fades. “I’m…”

“Oh, no,” she says, suddenly able to speak. “I’m not sad.”

“But you’re about to cry.”

“Yeah,” she nods, looking down at the flower as she sinks down in front of him. “But I’m not crying because I’m sad, I’m crying because… I…” she stops, shaking her head—Roland can’t possibly know what the flower means to her. He possibly can’t know that after she left the diner, she taken the flower home and put in a little vase on the corner of her desk, just as he can’t know that possibly know that day after day, long after he’d likely forgotten about it, she found herself looking at the flower and remember how happy that little moment at the diner had made her—and he can’t possibly know that it was his sweetness and thoughtfulness that made her wonder if the love of a child could save her. “I love this,” she tells him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Roland tells her with a satisfied smile—and then, only a second later, he becomes distracted by the gush of steam that rushes upward as Robin pour the noodles into a colander to be rinsed, indicating that dinner is almost ready.

And just like that, the little of moment of nostalgia is swept away.

Clearing her throat, she rises to her feet, watching as Henry carries his plate of carefully crafted caprese salad sticks into the dining room and Roland trails behind him. Her eyes shift to Robin as he shoves up his sleeves and almost instinctively, her eyes shift to the tattoo on his forearm. She can hear the boys laughing in the next room and Robin smiles back at her from over her shoulder—and she feels a tightening in her stomach—because for the first time in her life, she has something that would be devastating to lose.

“You okay?”

She looks up and nods, mustering a smile as she pushes toward him and reaches for the garlic bread. He drops a quick kiss on her cheek as he lifts the bowl of pasta—and she takes a breath, reminding herself that she has time and when things are meant to be, they happen when they’re supposed to.

Her family was proof of that.

_____

The rest of the night was spent baking, decorating and, of course, eating sugar cookies.

As she and Robin cleaned up the remnants of dinner—rinsing the dishes and putting leftovers into containers—the boys rolled out the cookie dough atop the counter. She couldn’t help but feel a little bit of pride bubbling up inside of her as she watched Henry showing Roland how to flour the edges of the cutters so they easily lifted from the dough and kept the shape of the cookie—something she’d taught him the first time they’d baked cookies together—and how he gently pulled Roland back away from the oven before retrieving their tray of cookies, reminding him to let them cool before touching them. Roland nodded and he inhaled a deep breath, taking in the soft fresh-baked cookie scent as Henry arranged their toppings—and finally when they were cool enough to decorate, Henry carefully carried them over to the counter.

Robin’s arms wrapped around Regina and she leaned back into him, smiling a little as they watched the boys smear the frosting over the cookies and cover them with sprinkles—and once again she found it a struggle to stay in the moment…

Before she knew it, the cookies were done and the boys created a plate of their favorites. Robin corralled them into the living room and she followed behind them, once more wondering if this, like every other Valentine’s, would just fade away as though it never existed.

The boys settle quickly on a movie—an odd choice of Lady and the Tramp, which Roland insists is the perfect movie for Valentine’s while Henry shrugs his shoulders agreeably, murmuring something about never having seen it—as Robin fans a blanket down on the floor for them—and just like every other Friday night, the boys camp out in front of the TV while she and Robin settle on the couch.

Taking a shaky breath, she lets her head fall to his shoulder and he presses a kiss to her hair—and absently, her fingers trace over the tattoo on his forearm as she loses herself in thought.

There’s a part of her that feels like she’s losing her mind—and she’s been here before.

Despite the encouragement and support of Robin and her own determination, she’s made little progress in breaking the curse. And as February began to wind down and spring loomed in the no longer distant future, she knew that she was running out of time. In the weeks she’d been trying to break the curse, she’d made no progress; she didn’t even know if she was on the right path—if she was on a path at all.

When she made the decision to cast the curse all those years before, she’d learned as much as she could about it to prepare herself. It was complicated and nuanced with all sorts of intrinsic little details—and not only had she learned them all, she’d learned how to work them to her advantage. She learned how to use magical relics to create magic where there was none, learning and perfecting the science of potions and the power of energies; and she learned how to levy her power and persuasion in the new realm to which the curse had brought her.

But she’d never learned about breaking it; she hadn’t imagined there’d ever be a need.

She knew that there were a series of triggers in place—triggers that could set off a chain of events that led to the curse breaking, but she didn’t know how to manipulate them to her advantage. Her small victory in getting Henry to believe in something magical had been short-lived; and while the clock hands still ticked away, signaling the moving of time, that seemed to be very much symbolic. Every day she was reminded to the static world she lived in, and the ticking clock at the center of the town seemed more like a countdown to her inevitable failure.

“I think they’re asleep,” Robin whispers, nodding toward the boys sprawled out on a blanket.

“They’re in a sugar coma,” she says, following his gaze. “Maybe we should take them upstairs.”

“No,” Robin says as his hold on her loosens. “Leave them. They look content.”

“They do,” she agrees, as a smile tugs up onto her lips as she looks down at them. “I don’t know how they’re comfortable like that, but…” Her voice trails off and she reaches behind them, tugging a blanket off the back of the couch. She gets up and fans it out over them, kneeling down as she pushes the hair away from Henry’s forehead, leaning in to kiss him good night and whisper her love. Instinctively, she does the same to Roland, and when she looks up, Robin’s eyes are soft and warm and his hand is outstretched.

He tugs her up and nods towards the stairs, and she flicks on a dim lamp as they pass it, giving them a little bit of light, should either of them wake up. She leads him toward the kitchen, checking to make sure that Henry turned the oven off and the back door is locked—and then, she reaches for Roland’s flower. Robin grins as her arm slide around his back and she watches as he sneaks one more look at the boys as they go up the stairs.

“Wait,” she murmurs, stopping just in front of her office door. “I… want to put this on my desk.” Robin nods and followers her in, and when she turns on the light, she watches his eyes fall to the little vase at the corner of her desk that he’s seen before, but never noticed—a vase that holds the first pipe-cleaner flower that Roland gave her, all those years ago.

“When did…”

“A long time ago,” she answers, not needing to hear the question to know what he was about to ask. “I was having a rough night and… all of the sudden, there was Roland, giving me a Valentine.”

A confused smile edges onto Robin’s lips. “Why don’t I remember that?”

“You weren’t there,” she says simply. “John was with him and… up until tonight, that was the only Valentine’s Day worth remembering.” She shakes her head as she rounds her desk, opening the top drawer. “I know I said that we weren’t going to do gifts, but…”

“You didn’t,” he cuts in, his eyebrow arching. “And you yelled at me when…”

“I didn’t yell,” she interjects. “I… just reminded you.” She holds out a little red bag out to him and shakes it gently. “It’s nothing, really.”

His eyes narrow and she can’t help the quiet chuckle that escapes her as he pulls a sheet of pink tissue paper from the bag—and then, his eyebrows arch as he pulls a toothbrush from the bag. “I… don’t know what to say,” he murmurs as he looks up at her.

“I didn’t have time to make a copy of my key or clean out a drawer, and…” Her voice trails off and she shifts awkwardly as his eyes fall away from her and to the toothbrush. “I… just… it’s hard for me to look to the future right now. It’s hard for me to imagine that we even have a future because in a few months, if I don’t figure out how to break the curse, you’re going to forget all about me.”

“Regina, I won’t…”

“You will,” she interjects. “But, I just… I want you to know that when I do think about my future—or the possibility of one—you’re always there. You and me and Henry and Roland, we’re… all together and…” She shrugs as she releases a breath. “And as hard as it is to think that I might lose you—you and them—because of something I created, I… can’t regret doing it because we’re here now and that’s made it all worth it… regardless of how it turns out.”

Robin breathes out and he grins as he twirls the toothbrush between his fingers. “Some things are just… supposed to happen. You and I are one of those things.”

She nods as he drops the toothbrush back into the bag, setting it on the edge of her desk as he moves to the stereo, turning the dial until Elivs Presley’s softy and low voice fills the room. Robin laughs a little as he extends his hand—and with a sight, she rounds the desk and places her fingers in his palm.

Like a river flows, surely to the sea; darling, so it goes, some things are meant to be…

He pulls her close as his hand closes around hers and her head rests on his shoulder as they begin to sway to the music. She feels her throat tighten and tears brim in her eyes—and she presses them closed, willing herself to stay in the moment and enjoy it for what it is, not wanting to focus on the fragility of the little life they’ve started to create.

So, take my hand—take my whole life, too; for I can’t help falling in love with you…

[half-bloodchimera]

If you could forget me, would you?

What follows below the cut is a fic inspired by this prompt . It’s set between The Six Thatchers and The Lying Detective. It also turned out to be quite angsty without a happy ending (sorry @ninallthatjazz). A big thank you to all who read this.

                                               Three weeks ago

“Mr. Smith your next appointment is here.”

“Very well, send him in.”

“Ah, Ivan. Thank you for agreeing to meet me so soon, I know you have a busy schedule.”

“Not so busy that I can’t visit a friend. I was however surprised by your urgency to meet me. Tell me, is everything all right? How’s Faith?”

“Yes, yes everything is quite all right, quite all right indeed. I was just curious about the course of development of your new drug, TD12 was it?”

“Yes, that is correct; we are currently in the clinical phase, simply waiting for the results in order to do some fine-tuning.”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. How efficient is the drug in memory deletion? Is severe memory loss a side-effect, how far back does the deletion go?”

“I’ll admit there is a concern as in large doses the drug seems to alter previous memories but, given it will be used in small doses it will only affect the recipient for the duration of the procedure, as is its intended use. I promise it’s completely safe, we’re just waiting for these results to release it to the public.”

“That is encouraging so, test subjects must be throwing themselves your way now, everybody wanting to forget a few hours in pain, right?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it throwing themselves my way. There’s certainly interest, especially people who are afraid of dentists.”

“Would it be terribly forward of me then to ask for a little? Just a tiny bit, I’ve an operation coming up you see and would hate to remember all those details.”

“I’d gladly give you some after the initial release, you know the EMA regulations, it would cause serious issues were word of this to get out.”

“Yes, yes I understand, the regulations of course, it would be personal use though, I wouldn’t mention it to anyone else. Come now, you wouldn’t let an old friend suffer, would you?”

“Fine, I will send you a batch. I’m afraid I must leave though, I have a meeting I must attend to. ”

         Smiling widely, Culverton  rose to bid his friend farewell, shaking his hand as he showed him out. The smile faded as soon as the door closed. Returning to his desk, he picked up the phone and started rethinking the details of his plan. “Well that surely puts a damper on things. The amount won’t be enough to thoroughly discover the extent of the drug’s capabilities… though maybe it will be enough for one subject, yes, one individual lucky enough to experience first-hand severe memory deletion. Maybe I’ll pick up a passerby, a stranger from the streets, make it random.”

                                                     Present

         John was certainly familiar with nightmares from his time in the army. Dreams of blood, sand and screams. There was a time that he wouldn’t get one night’s worth of sleep without being interrupted by a nightmare. Mary’s presence in his life seemed to make them disappear, it was fitting he supposed that they returned after her death. Waking up with a start, heart racing and blood pounding in his ears, he took a moment to remember where he was. Looking around him he spotted his alarm clock, 06:24, so he got a few hours of sleep at least. He frowned and ran a hand through his hair as he tried to remember what the nightmare had been about, he recalled running, the sound of gunshots and fighting, tackling a body to the ground. “Definitely an army nightmare then.” Though as his breathing slowed down he was aware of another feeling, a sort of strange elation at the dream, it was a dream right? Surely a nightmare wouldn’t make him happy. Shaking his head he threw the covers back and made to move when he recalled another detail, bright blue eyes.

         Meanwhile at 221B, Sherlock was pacing around in the living room, pondering the meaning of Mary’s message. The dvd was authentic, there was no doubt about it, so that eliminated all thoughts of foul-play and left him with the task of deciphering its contents. Sitting in his chair in his customary pose, hands brought together under his chin, he devised a plan and wondered how far along in Hell was he to go. Lost in his mind palace he missed the knock of Mrs. Hudson on the door, bringing a cup of tea with her.

“Woo hoo dearie, it’s me.” Setting down the teacup she decided to lightly shake Sherlock’s shoulder.

“Mrs. Hudson! I told you not to interrupt me when I’m thinking. Just now I was about to solve the murder of a member of the Parliament, I do hope you’re happy with the government scandal you’ve undoubtedly now caused.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll solve that in no time for it to actually be a scandal. On that note, how are you dear?”

“Perfectly fine when you’re not interrupting my thought process.”

“Come now Sherlock, you know I mean how are you feeling?”

“Again, perfectly fine Mrs. Hudson.” He said with a huff of indignation.  

“Now see, that is not really how you’re feeling Sherlock. Why don’t you go see John?”

“I believe he made it quite clear that he had no intention of seeing me again.”

“I doubt he meant that, he was just grieving for his wife. I really think your company would do him some good.”

“If you’re so worried about him why don’t you visit him then?” said Sherlock with a snarl.

“I’ve been to visit him, three weeks ago in fact. I would go again but, it’s just my hip’s been acting up, so I stay at home more often. Oh, Sherlock it’s been a month, do go visit him. Look where your stubbornness got you the last time you two fell out. You spent all that time being angry at each other after your return, surely another conversation won’t kill you.”

“Last time was different, John had Mary and it was his stubbornness that kept us apart. John…” he said with a breath, “John dislikes being pressured. He needs to decide on his own if he wishes to do something.”

“Well, even so I do think it would be good to see him.” She turns to leave but as she reaches the door, she partially turns around and adds as an afterthought “You’re right dear, last time was different. Last time he had Mary and though he wouldn’t admit it, he still had you too. This time he has no one”.

         Picking Rosie up from her day care, with Mary gone he really couldn’t afford not working to take care of Rosie, John was torn between ordering and cooking dinner for tonight. It hadn’t rained all day so he could tell it was going to be a clear night. Parking the car he sighed, and ran a hand through his hair before getting out of the vehicle to unbuckle Rosie. When had his life come to this? Was what he would have for dinner his only concern of the day? Not that he disliked caring for his daughter, he wouldn’t trade her for the world, but sometimes he felt his choices were a bit restricted. Once in a while he’d like to… to what exactly? Starting on dinner he thought about the things he’d likely do if he had a free night, drawing up a blank. Maybe he’d have a pint with some friends; God knows he’d been neglecting them lately. Reaching up for a plate he felt a twinge of pain on his left shoulder. He frowned, thinking the cold weather of the last few days was finally taking its toll on him. Come to think of it, there were a couple moments when his hand would shake for a couple minutes. It had started last week, or was it the week before? Why was it so difficult for him to remember small details these days? Other thoughts flittered through his mind but he ultimately dismissed all of them as uninteresting. He knew even if he didn’t have to stay inside, he’d turn down any requests to go out in favour of watching the news and maybe a show if he wasn’t too tired. Somehow, something was missing from his life.

          Waking up with a start, he shot up with a gasp. The lack of light from his window informed him it was the middle of the night. It definitely wasn’t an army nightmare this time. He could clearly remember running through the streets of London at night chasing after someone, or was it following them? He felt like he was simply running his whole dream to catch up to him; that figure was clearly male, tall, with dark curly hair. Just as his dream ended, the figure turned around to face him, only he didn’t speak. John remembered simply staring at the most peculiar eyes he had ever seen, a glimmering shade of aquamarine.

         It took Sherlock two days to make up his mind about visiting John, but in the end he chose the day he left for the surgery a couple hours later than usual. He paid the driver, got out of the car and started walking briskly toward his destination, the third house from where he was standing.  He had decided against taking a taxi and simply springing up outside John’s house, he still didn’t know how the man would react to him visiting a second time and surprising him was not on his list. Drawing up a breath and steeling himself, he rang the doorbell. It took John a moment to answer, no doubt making sure Rosie was all right, but when he did his reaction was unexpected. Instead of shouting at him, scowling or even outright punching him, Sherlock found himself on the receiving end of a polite “Hello” and a curious gaze.

“Hello. Can I help you?”

“It’s ‘may I help you’, actually.” Sherlock couldn’t resist correcting.

“Right, sorry” John glanced down for a moment and then continued, “May I help you with something then?”

Sherlock was speechless for a moment, this didn’t belong in any of the 23 scenarios he had calculated the meeting would end up following. “John, it’s me. Don’t you recognize me?”

“I’m sorry no. Are you one of the new neighbours, is that it? Was it your wife I met last weekend? I’m really sorry, Mary was better with the names and your face completely slipped my mind.”

“No I’m not one of your neighbours, I’m… I’m an old friend of Mary’s. I heard she died and came to see how you were doing.” Sherlock effortlessly lied. He originally thought that John was joking, he didn’t have his ability to forget information like him, his mind wasn’t practiced enough. Doing a quick scan: no sign of recognition or surprise in his eyes, posture relaxed, fists unclenched, body turned toward him, overall attentive to the speaker and giving no indication he’d been hiding something, Sherlock came to the conclusion that John really didn’t recognize him. He gathered a lot of general information about John (whether Rosie was awake, what he had for breakfast and at which part of his morning routine he had interrupted) before returning his eyes to John’s face.

“Oh, right. Right, well. Um, were you a close friend? I mean, I’m sorry but I don’t. I don’t remember you all that clearly… Not that it’s your fault or anything. I just seem to forget a lot of small things these days.” Although he tried to reassure the stranger that he wasn’t at fault here, John was clearly uncomfortable at apparently having forgotten a close friend of his late wife. Mentally berating himself for his phrasing, he was preparing to offer the other man a cup of tea when Rosie started crying. “Oh, that’s my daughter, must have woken up. I have to, actually would you like to come inside for a cup of tea?” John said gesturing at the door behind him. “I have a bit of free time before work and you came all this way… you do live in London, right?”

“Yes, London.”

“Right, yes of course. Um, so would you like to-“

“No, thank you, I had better go. I came to say a quick hello and… offer my condolences again.”

“Well, feel free to come again if you find the time. I don’t want it to seem like you’re unwelcome here.” With this John held his hand out for the other to shake and then entered the house.

Sherlock had what he deemed a solemn smile on his face as he shook the doctor’s hand. Turning around he made his way into the street before hailing a cab. There was something going on here, if John couldn’t remember him or anything about him. He had also mentioned inability to recall other memories as well, hadn’t he? This was proving to be a far more serious problem than what he had originally thought.

        That night another dream kept John company until the early morning and though the joy brought on by it would last the entire day, its details like impossible blue eyes and a curly-haired individual, whose voice thought had heard this time, were lost as soon as he awoke.

“Tell me what exactly is the purpose of you spying on every moment of our lives if you can’t really do anything useful with the information you gather? Unless something’s changed and you’re not the British Government anymore.” Sherlock angrily yelled as he barged into his brother’s office.

Mycroft for his part remained calm, glancing up when Sherlock entered the room and merely raising an eyebrow at his outburst. “To what do I owe this visit Sherlock?”

“It’s John of course. Didn’t you hear what I just said?”

“Ah yes, and how is Dr. Watson these days?”

“You would know; you have practically bugged his apartment to keep tabs on the man. Do not claim ignorance, it doesn’t suit you.”

“Whatever information is obtained on his person is for his own safety, I assure you. So what has brought you all the way to my office, I doubt you require information such as what brand of tea he currently prefers. If anything you could obtain it on your own, dear brother.” Mycroft gave one of his polite, condescending smiles.

“Of course I don’t care for such matters, it’s his wellbeing I’m asking about. The very same thing, mind you, that you have just claimed you were after, dear brother.” Sherlock repeated Mycroft’s words back at him in a mocking manner.

“He is, as far as I am aware, completely unharmed. There has been no cause of concern. His health hasn’t deteriorated and-“

“What of his mind then? What can you tell me of his mind? I believe suddenly not remembering me would constitute as cause for concern now, wouldn’t it?”

This alarmed Mycroft who took on a serious expression and sat up straighter in his chair. “Not remembering you? Are you sure of this Sherlock?”

“What do you think? I doubt I would  misinterpret something such as this. He’s missing other memories, too. Now what have your little cameras told you?”

“No report of an incident such as this has been given.”

“Oh, you’re just useless then, aren’t you?” Sherlock was pacing around the office restlessly. If the surveillance hadn’t picked up anything, how was a clue to this mystery to be found?

“I’ll have the information we’ve gathered after the funeral examined. In the meantime, why don’t you occupy yourself with this?”

“Oh for God’s sake, Mycroft! A case from you would be the last thing I’d be interested in right now.”

“You would do well not to visit him again, Sherlock. Certainly not until this matter has been properly investigated. As for the case, your country would benefit from it.”

Mycroft stood up and Sherlock saw this as his cue to leave the room.

“I will see this through. You have my word, brother mine.” was said to the empty room.

          John’s days continued largely the same. Working and caring for his daughter took up a large amount of time anyway. At least his hand hadn’t acted up again after the beginning of the week. He felt he should spend whatever free time he had a bit more creatively. Perhaps he could find a hobby, or resume activities he used to do with Mary. Mary, funny thing, she hadn’t crossed his mind at all ever since her friend’s visit. He supposed the empty feeling he was experiencing was attributed to her passing away.

            Dreams were a nightly occurrence now. Every night he would dream a different one, maybe it would be daytime or maybe there were other people, but as always the details of his dreams escaped him as soon as dawn broke.

“The case was dull and obvious. Solved it in 27 minutes. SH”

“Your country thanks you. M”

“It was something you could have done yourself had you actually taken the time to look at it. SH”

“Yes but that would require legwork. M”

“Any update on the surveillance? SH”

“The matter is still being investigated. M”

            It would seem Mycroft’s advice wasn’t unwise, at least partially. After solving that boring case, Sherlock solved several other cases for Lestrade and the Yard, equally boring, before being threatened with eviction from his landlady, due to his experiments. The latest batch had been studying the various stages of decomposition on swine tissue. Granted, a small sample of the different species would suffice and after experiencing for himself the foul smell that permeated the entirety of the flat (and the one bellow it), he supposed the cadavers were to be disposed of. Well, that left him with an indefinite number of hours needed to air the flat, and if he used that time outside while visiting a certain doctor, who could blame him?  

          It took Mycroft the better part of the week to sort through all the relevant information and at first nothing seemed out of order. John went to the hospital as usual, took his daughter on walks, spent most of his free time at home. Only when he started looking at security cameras did he finally spot an inconsistency, during one of John’s shop trips a group of three men approached him from behind. The men obviously knew of the presence of the cameras as they were careful not to be seen and made off with their target without betraying their means of transport. Checking the feed from different cameras on the street he finally got a glimpse of one of their faces from a bakery shop’s camera. Cross-referencing the image he was not only able to identify the men, but also their employer, as well as the place were John was taken and what had actually happened there. That was how he came across TD-12 and its uses.

“Any updates? SH”

“John was abducted at the start of the month and was used as a lab rat for a chemical.” M”

            After informing his brother of the nature of TD-12 and relaying that he had his people working on an antidote, Mycroft returned to worrying about international affairs. The antidote would cause a few important memories to resurface, something the subject would be likely to remember anyway given enough time. Full reversal of TD-12’s effects would require a few additional doses. Mycroft saw fit not to mention Smith’s involvement in the incident given the extent of his brother’s compassion towards the doctor. Sherlock would surely attempt to reciprocate and the last thing he needed on his hands was Sherlock trying to implicate such a public person.

         John’s was sure his blunder the other day was responsible for the fact that Mary’s friend hadn’t attempted to visit again, hadn’t even contacted him. Was he really calling him that? His name didn’t come up in their last conversation. Did he even have his number or was his only connection to him through Mary? He dismissed the thought as he had more important things to worry about. He got his answer a few days later, as he once again felt eyes on him when he got out of the door, looking up he saw Mary’s friend walking on the opposite side of the street. Smiling a little, John waved at him and saw the other man stop in his tracks for a moment before tentatively waving back.

         Waking up in the middle of the night again, John frowned as he thought of his dream. The last dream was particularly vivid, he remembered talking to the curly-haired man this time, the deep timbre of his voice taking him by surprise as the man talked about a diamond missing? Huffing a laugh, he made his way into the kitchen for a glass of water.  The more he thought about it, the more he realized the strange man from his dream was no other than the man who had visited his house not long ago.

“Great, missing my dead wife I’ve invented a James Bond character whose adventures I’m apparently a part of.”

Because wasn’t that exactly what he’d been doing? The man even had blue eyes for God’s sake, but no, that wasn’t it as he clearly remembered Mary’s friend sporting dark brown curls. With a sigh he returned to bed, thinking that the only possible link between the man and his dreams was that he reminded him of Mary. He was troubled yet again by an overwhelming sense of yearning for something he couldn’t quite place. He thought his boredom and his longing as of late were all a natural progression of his sadness at her death. However, it wasn’t grief he was experiencing, rather he had a strong feeling he was supposed to remember something vital. He tried and failed to think of any happy moments with Mary, besides a faint recollection of their wedding and some shared moments with Rosie that is. That was definitely strange not to mention rather worrying. He could not name her favourite colour, the time they met, or any of the countless moments they spent together. Surely when one had lost the most important person in their lives they were supposed to feel sad at their passing, maybe anger and loneliness, not frustration that their life wasn’t as exciting. Deciding once more to ignore the voice on the back of his head that told him there were things he wasn’t supposed to have forgotten, John resolved to meet with the man in hope he could share what he remembered of Mary.

         Despite Mycroft’s insistence, Sherlock was adamant about delivering the first dose of the antidote to John himself. That was how he found himself ringing John’s doorbell one Friday afternoon.  This time there was the familiar sight of recognition shining in the doctor’s eyes as he opened the door and saw him.

“Oh, hello.”

“Hello, it occurred to me that we didn’t have a proper chat last time.”

“Right, yeah, so would you like to come in?”

           Moving to the kitchen, John turned around to inquire after dinner when he felt the other man grasping at his right elbow, the slight pricking at his arm going unnoticed.

“Wha-, um, what are you doing?”

“Nothing, I’m not very hungry, dinner can wait.” said Sherlock with a small smile.

“Right, well I still have to prepare Rosie’s meal so, if you’ll excuse me.” John realized that he still had no idea of the other’s name.

“Sorry, what did you say your name was again?”

“I didn’t. I didn’t introduce myself last time, my name is Sherlock.”

“Sherlock… Well I’ll be done feeding Rosie in a minute, so if you could-”

“Of course. I’ll wait here.”

John ended up feeding and putting his daughter to sleep, thinking it would be best if she got her little nap now, leaving him a bit of free time to talk with his guest uninterrupted. Sherlock, the name did sound familiar, maybe he was a closer friend of Mary than he thought. However that thought didn’t quite explain the dreams involving him. Shaking his head, he was suddenly overcome with a feeling of dizziness as he made his way back to the kitchen. He grabbed the wall for support and in an instance Sherlock was by his side, supporting him to sit down in a chair.

“Ta, I don’t know what came over me, I was just walking when I felt faint.”

“No problem, maybe the long hours of work got to you. Would you like to lie down for a minute?”

“No that won’t be necessary, I’m sure it’s noth-“

“Oh, it’s really not an issue, you are supposed to lie down after a fainting spell anyway.”

“Well, maybe for just a minute.”

Deciding not to risk another trip to the bedroom on unsteady feet, John felt the sofa was a more sensible solution, so he simply took his shoes off and laid down. He was out within minutes, Sherlock draping a blanket over him.

           When he woke up later, he noticed it was definitely too dark for a couple minutes of lying down. Frowning, he sat up, he was feeling fine even if his head was a bit heavy. Spotting his companion bent over the kitchen table he called out, asking a question that didn’t make sense entirely, but one he felt the need to voice nonetheless.

“Sherlock, how is Mrs. Hudson?”

Taking a breath and turning to face him, Sherlock stood up and moved to crouch by the sofa.

“She is doing fine John. How are you? Do you remember?”

“Remember what? For how long have a slept?” alarmed he started looking around “Where’s Rosie?”

“You have slept for exactly 1 hour and 58 minutes, Rosie is currently being taken care of by Mycroft’s people.” looking down, he hesitantly continued “I thought you would prefer it were she not neglected while you recovered.”

“Mycroft, eh? Can’t imagine you were happy asking him for help.”

Sherlock snorted in response.

“Recover from what? I thought the dizziness has passed.”

“John how much do you remember about me, about us? It’s important.”

“I…How much do I have to say, I mean should I say whatever comes to mind or?”

“Start from the beginning if convenient.”

It was John’s turn to snort a laugh “If inconvenient, start from the beginning anyway.”

The detective smiled happily at that and let him continue.

“I…I guess, I guess I remember meeting you at Bart’s, your brother being a right git, abducting me and all… I remember the cabbie with the pills! God Sherlock, you were so stupid to go after him alone.”

“I seem to recall you shared that sentiment with me then, too.”

“I just, I just don’t know. My head feels so full of information suddenly.”

“Well, there’s no point sitting here then.” standing up, he strode to the chair and started putting on his Belstaff.

“Wai- hang on, where are you going?”

“I’m not going, we are going. You better get dressed, I hear restaurants can be exceptionally picky to whom they serve.”

“Restaurants?” having also gotten up, John was merely staring back at the other.

“Yes, John restaurants. Do keep up.” He was halfway through the door before he turned to announce “I was reliably informed that I need to eat sometimes.” And with that he gave a small wink the same way he had when he had introduced himself to John that first day.

         They visited a small Chinese restaurant with Sherlock informing John that it was actually his favourite one, but he had discovered that the second year into their friendship. Seeing that John was just starting to remember main events in chronological order, it was unlikely he would remember such a small detail. Gradually John managed to remember a bit more about their adventures together and they spent the dinner laughing and reminiscing. Sherlock was reluctant to let John stay at his house alone, the man had only remembered a little bit and the incidents that followed were distressing to say the least, with Moriarty being involved. In the end he was convinced to drop him off, thinking that recalling such a large period of events was likely caused by the solution still coursing through his system, with the process slowing down without administering another dose.

“Do you know what happens if you don’t leave me alone, Sherlock? To you?”

“No one ever gets to me. And no one ever will.”

“You can’t be allowed to continue.”

         John woke up hysterical and drenched in sweat. He fumbled around searching for his phone, he had to find Sherlock, make sure he was all right. Moriarty was not to be trifled with, he nearly blew them up at the pool, where was Sherlock? Finally locating his phone he called Sherlock only to be reminded of the fact that he preferred texting. Sending a quick text asking after him John relaxed and slowly started to realise that they both made it out of the pool unharmed. Slowly, memories of Jim calling off the snipers and leaving after a phone call resurfaced, that finally allowed him to calm down.

“Where are you? Are you ok?”

“Crime scene with the Yard. What is the matter? SH”

“Nothing, I just remember the pool.”

“Your memories returning should be a good thing. SH”

“I was worried about you, you berk.”

“Is that so? SH”

“Dinner tonight? SH”

“Yes, what time should I be ready?”

“I’ll text you the details. SH”

         John was glad that Rosie was being taken care of by Mycroft, even if there was nothing physical that troubled him, he could really do with some peace and quiet around the house. He considered calling in sick on Monday, if the situation remained unchanged. He went about his routine more lazily, feeling a bit sluggish as his brain was still trying to catch up with information he knew before, but otherwise fine. He had a quick shower and then made breakfast. He thought about watching some TV since he had the time, but ultimately decided against it as his thoughts proved too distracting. He still couldn’t believe he had forgotten Sherlock, not just the cases but the man himself.

           Sherlock texted him a time for the dinner somewhere around noon. Moriarty remained at the back of his mind all throughout the day, in spite of him focusing on other memories and the feelings they brought. Thoughts on Christmas after the incident with The Woman, and Sherlock’s vulnerable state during the investigation of the weird drug at Baskerville had him preoccupied until a mere hour before dinner. Finishing a cup of tea and making his way to the bedroom to get dressed, John was suddenly hit by an onslaught of emotion as images flooded his brain. Fragments of conversation accompanied Sherlock’s sudden rise to fame, the accusations, the trial and finally, the fall. Of all the moments he had been reminded of the last days, John could remember the day the detective decided to jump from the hospital’s roof as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. Every little thing he had seen, heard and felt that day, from their talk at the lab to his friend’s body hitting the ground, had him paralysed. When he finally thought he could breathe again he located his phone, which informed him he had exactly 10 minutes before Sherlock would be there to pick him up. Shuddering several breaths he willed himself to move. He felt overcome with emotion but at the same time knew that staying inside glaring at the walls wasn’t going to help, he needed to see Sherlock again.

         To say that Sherlock was baffled at John’s change of behaviour was an understatement. The detective had expected John’s doctor side to fuss about him or to be frustrated if he managed to recall events up to the appearance of The Woman. However this frosty demeanor was surprising. After a short taxi ride that was filled with silence, they arrived at the restaurant. Sherlock chose one of his own favourites this time, hoping once again to jolt John’s memory. The other man still didn’t talk except to give his order and that gave Sherlock time to study him more carefully. It was clear by the set of his shoulders that he wanted to talk, the micro-expressions also spoke of controlled anger. It was neither the pronounced frown that betrayed the doctor was angry at one of his latest antics nor the slight tension at his brow that indicated annoyance at the actions of someone near them. So it was something that he did, though not something recent, he could think of no action that would upset the other in the last 48 hours. With the waiter setting down their meals in front of them, Sherlock took the chance to address his companion’s unusual mood.  

“You are unusually quiet.”

“Oh?”

“Yes by this time you’d have at least commented on the food.”

“And you’d have commented on our server’s private life, the cook’s new equipment and the state of the kitchen.” John angrily stabbed a forkful of his food.

Huffing, Sherlock decided to change tactics “I was under the impression that dinner managed to lift your mood despite the day’s events. Apparently I was mistaken. If you were feeling unwell why did you agree to dine with me?”

“I’m not feeling unwell.” said John still looking at his plate.

“Then do explain your silence.”

Finally looking up, John licked his lips and raised his voice slightly as he answered “I remember your death Sherlock!”

“I would have thought you would remember me coming back as well…”

“Yeah, that isn’t-“ a thought entered John’s mind abruptly. He did recall a restaurant, something about wine and a waiter, and Mary.

“Hold on, you came back when I was proposing, didn’t you?”

“Technically, I came back before you proposed not during.”

“Same bloody thing. Look, let’s just…eat.” said John with a dark expression on his face.

          The rest of the dinner was tense. Neither spoke while they finished eating. Sherlock was torn between saying the things he wanted to say to John that day at the restaurant and waiting until the man remembered the rest of the events that took place until that moment. John for his part tried to make sense of what he was feeling. Eventually he gave up as the memories caused a plethora of emotions that he may have felt before, though that didn’t mean he could understand, and combined with his current mood were responsible for giving him a spectacular headache. Paying for the meal and getting up, Sherlock tried to breach the subject once more before they parted ways.

“See you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, maybe. We’ll see, let me call you.”

         John had a cup of tea and got started on the housework early in the day. The repeated motions of cleaning the house were distracting enough to keep his mind occupied. He had a sleepless night, full of tossing and turning, as every time he closed his eyes images of Sherlock danced behind his eyelids. Knowing now that the other man had returned during his proposal to Mary had him scouring his head for other instances of her throughout their marriage, surely the last years couldn’t have been filled with nothing but Sherlock’s presence in his life. Slowly some memories returned, of him feeling betrayed, and he wasn’t certain he wanted to find out the exact reason for that.

          Late evening found him drinking in the living room. He laughed as he thought that the previous day was the worst, after all he remembered his friend’s death, as it turned out however, he didn’t have a clue. He now had the required context to justify his emotions earlier. So, his wife was an ex-assassin who lied to him and shot his best friend. That explained his lack of mourning, some part of his brain must have retained the events and refused to manifest false reactions. Then of course came the black-mailing and the subsequent mission to keep Mary safe. He made to pour himself another glass when he received a text.

“Dinner tonight? SH”

          Once again he couldn’t make sense of what he was feeling. Was he angry at feeling sad about Mary, not angry enough, worried about Sherlock or did he want to spend time apart from him? He had a lot of thoughts to sort through, and a repeat of the previous night was the last thing he needed. The text went unanswered.

         He had pleasant enough sleep for a change. Scenes kept changing too quickly so he couldn’t tell them apart, but all of them were cheerful enough and left him feeling well-rested. Various memories of his married life with the addition of Rosie seemed to be the main focus of the dream. Then there were a few scenes that didn’t seem to fit well with the others, something about being on cases again and Mary missing. Feeling a bit better than yesterday, he called the hospital to let them know he would not be working for the next two days. He supposed he’d be able to meet Sherlock later, now that he had somewhat calmed down.

          The calm was not to last. John increasingly thought about Mary missing, until he could correct himself that she wasn’t missing, she had left because she was in danger. Sitting down with a cup of tea he eventually found out more about the case of the Thatcher busts and his wife’s death. After the last revelation, it was as if a dam had been broken and all the memories of the time after the funeral came forth. He was shocked out of his trance by the doorbell ringing. Opening the door he was at first surprised and then furious to see the detective at the other side.

“I thought I told you I didn’t need your help.”

Sherlock was speechless for the second time in the last month. He decided to visit during the day this time, knowing the doctor would feign illness to stay home, and was ready to propose they shared lunch. He had expected of course that John would continue to remember some of the events that took place after the Fall. He wasn’t in contact at all yesterday and the time since then should have brought him up to speed with the threat Magnussen had posed. The cold demeanor and the fury burning in the other’s eyes told him his prediction was slightly off.

“You have remembered everything then.”

“Not everything, no, but enough to know what really happened. Where’s Rosie? When is she coming back?”

“Mycroft will have her delivered here later today. I-”

“Good. Then that’s all we have to say to each other. ”

John cut the other man off and closed the door. He leant against it breathing deeply, trying to control his anger. When he raised his eyes he gasped;  Mary was standing beside the kitchen table looking at him.

           Back outside, Sherlock made a mental note to inform Mycroft he’d be responsible for the administration of the remaining doses and turned away from the door. Taking a deep breath and looking at the sky, he started walking. Maybe he’d have to descend deeper into Hell than he originally thought.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #46

honestly too lazy to muse over song lyrics so hey let’s get into it.

has anyone ever called you sexy? jason did the first time he saw me in a bikini and i blushed like a bitch. do you like raisins? NO what is your favorite bug? butterflies what is your opinion on abortion? lmao do you REALLY want me to get into that one? what is your opinion on gay marriage? it's fine. what is your opinion on gay adoption? also fine, so long as you don't raise said child to think being gay is "normal," like A LOT of people seem to think. now before i get blown up with notes about how "i'm calling being gay bad," NO. normal and bad are two very different things. being gay is a mutation, thus is not normal. but is it bad? no. it irks me when people think that being gay is normal, bc it's not, and a gullible child should not be told differently. do you take pictures of yourself on a daily basis? absolutely not. would you rather freeze or burn to death?  burn, only because freezing would be agonizingly slow you've just died, and you're given the choice of reincarnation, being a spirit, or going to heaven/hell, wherever you belong.  i wanna go to heaven. have peace. you're in prison. would you think about trying to escape and running away?  no. i'd get caught.  they always do in the end. you're getting married! where’s your honeymoon? idk tbh. aside from any current relationships, what was your closest relationship ever? me and jason do you give good massages?  well. jason has a terrible back so i used to give him massages a lot and they always ended with us making out so lol. when’s the last time you went against your eating habits or religion (ex. eating beef when you’re muslim)?  never even if you are not christian or never celebrated christmas, do you think you will raise your (possible future) children to believe in santa clause? why or why not? absolutely!! it's all in good fun and it stimulates the imagination. jason never believed in santa and when i found out, i remember i felt really sad for him. when you have nightmares, do they normally have the same theme (ex. always being killed) or do they just relate to something going on in your life at the moment/random? sigh. they're always about jason rejecting me in one way or another. what type of clothing do you hate to see on (other) women? what type of clothing do you hate to see on (other) men?  i do NOT like skanky clothes, ex. shorts that literally show off your ass or shirts with an immense amount of cleavage. i can't stand baggy pants on men. do you believe america should legalize drugs? if you think they should legalize only some drugs, which drugs do you think they should legalize?  ... no??? what the fuck's next, legalizing murder bc it would deter murderers??? would you vote a homosexual president into office? why or why not? yes, because why not? what's your most embarrassing sex (or sexual) story? if you haven't had sex, talk about an embarrassing sex story you heard. i've told this before in an old survey: that time i'm pretty damn sure i was about to orgasm but instead i had a panic attack because i didn't understand what i was feeling lmao besides pornography, what is a website you frequent and don't want anyone to know? first let it be known that i don't watch porn. it's disgusting. two, the meerkat role-play site i take part in because i find rp embarrassing to the public eye. would you support marijuana legalization if it were taxed and distributed in a way similar to alcohol? nope what do you most want to improve upon in yourself? not allow my happiness to be dependent on others if you were throwing your significant other / best friend a themed party, what would the theme be? elephants! she loves them! how often do you get fountain drinks from a gas station? like, once a month? who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? hmmm... i'm honestly tied between the mad hatter and the cheshire cat! what'​​s your curre​nt boy situa​tion?​​ i'm single, but i just joined a dating site like... yesterday so i guess you could say i'm looking. it's honestly embarrassing to me personally to be on a dating site, but after a month's worth of thought, i decided i think that's what's best for me. gave you ever donat​ed blood​?​​ yes. have you ever been to seawo​rld? yep. what video game should everybody play at least once?  "silent hill 2." NO, not because it's my favorite game, but that damn message. it shows that you cannot run from your past and regrets; you instead have to face up to them. what is impossible to understand until it happens to you? mental illnesses what’s a weird thing you are scared of? WHALE SHARKS what is the most enjoyable exercise? biking how much time do you spend putting on makeup daily? i usually don't wear makeup. but if i do, gimme like five minutes have you ever worn faux eyelashes? nope what color is your flash-drive? pink when’s the next time you’ll change your hairstyle and will you color it? hairstyle will remain the same, gotta get the layers trimmed tho. i'm getting galaxy hair after my red fades!! has anyone ever called you fake and do you agree with them? no. do you make an effort to talk to all of your facebook friends, or are there certain people that you talk to the most? nope. i mean i'll "like" some of their statuses and whatnot, but i don't talk to most of them anymore. do you hate your weight? very much so. what kind of mood are you in atm? is someone else responsible for that mood? i'm anxious to do something, and no. who was the last person that asked to hang out with you? tell me the story of how you met that person, everything you remember. colleen asked to hang out a couple days back, spent the night two days. :D i met her in girl scouts, but i barely remember back then. we really bonded in middle school. if you knew that one of your friends was considering suicide, what would you say to them? it really depends on their situation.0 have you ever worn colored mascara? if not, would you ever think about trying it? and if you have, what is / was your favorite color to wear? ohhh, i haven't, but that'd be cool! who was the last person to pay you a compliment? my dentist. she liked my hair. what color is your purse/wallet? my purse is maroon and black. my wallet is red, black, and white. it's got a harley quinn design on it. before facebook became popular, did you use any other social networking site, like bebo or myspace? i had myspace. which disney princess do you think is the most beautiful? why? uhhh... aesthetically... i guess belle, maybe? or jasmine? if i’m going to buy you a box of chocolates, which kind should I definitely NOT get? DO NOT GET ME THE KINDS WITH FILLING OTHER THAN CHOCOLATE ITSELF OMG if you met the celebrity that you most admire, what would be the first thing you’d say to him/her? "thank you for saving my life" when you’re going to be at home all day, do you bother to get out of your pajamas? nope. given the choice, would you rather drink juice or soda? soda. i'm aware that's terrible, lol. how many piercings do you have? are there any more that you want? i have two in each earlobe, my tragus, my cartilage, and my nose done. i want a labret lip piercing and the snake eyes tongue piercing, as well as more on my ears. do you play angry birds? no. i recently watched the movie with friends tho, and it's so cute! do you tend to get hungry late at night? YEAH has anyone ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend with you? yeah. we didn't actually date, but it was serious flirting, and i consider that cheating. do you blow dry your hair? NO NO NO YOU NEVER WANT TO BLOW DRY MY HAIR. it's thick af and will literally take you 10+ minutes to get completely dry. if you’ve ever had and quit a job, did you actually call in and quit or put in your two weeks notice or did you just stop showing up? at my first job, i talked face-to-face with the manager and didn't show up after i quit. at my second job, i texted my boss and didn't show up after that. do you tend to baby or take care of the people you date, or do you tend to date alpha types that take care of you? ehhh, both? like i think it's in MOST females' nature to be motherly, and i was like that with my ex, but my ex definitely cared for me, too. how would you feel if the person you were interested in refused to perform oral sex on you? i wouldn't mind. i find oral gross, anyway. when you get upset do you have any physical reactions, like prickles in your spine or your knees going weak? my head gets this weird tingling sensation. do you ever “facebook stalk” or go through facebook albums of attractive boys/girls that you have mutual friends with (but haven’t met in person)? do you ever add them? nope. hypothetically speaking, if you ever give birth to a son, would you have him circumcised? yes, in interest of his health. which of your facebook friends posts the most annoying/irritating/enraging facebook posts? what do they post? oh my GOSH, a friend i met at the hospital, whom i won't name for her privacy. she's BEYOND pro-choice, bashes EVERYONE who disagrees with her, posts a billion rants a day, and is just... very shallow in what she shares. is there something that a person can do and watching them do it makes you quite a bit attracted to them for it (e.g., watching someone play guitar, watching a someone work on a car, etc.)? many things, yeah, like the two you listed, but more. what accent do you find most difficult to understand? southern, but only when it's VERY heavy. what movie never fails to make you cry? "the notebook" do you like 3d movies? sure have you ever practiced kissing on a stuffed animal? nope do you let music move your body, or do you hold back? i always hold back why is your favorite store your favorite? i find their clothes aesthetically pleasing can you handle the stress of working in food/customer service? NONONONONO what kind of place would you want to raise your children? idk, the same state i was raised in, i guess. would you let your child have a pet? depends on their age, really. if i think they're mature enough to care for it themselves, yes. do you enjoy talking to people over webcam? NO CAN YOU SAY AWKWARD would you rather die or eat another human being? die. how would you react if a doctor told you that you were infertile? i'd be... pretty devastated. i want kids, but at the same time, i'm so scared to have another life under my supervision. idk. do you like meatball subs? sure. have you been baptized in any religious tradition? yep. what is your favorite meal of the day? breakfast what season were you born in? winter what’s your favorite breed of dog? idk, i like akita inus, chow-chows, beagles... do you use twitter? nope are you a good babysitter?   not particularly.  i'm awkward with kids. how old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?   sigh.  he'll be 23 in two days. what’s the relationship with you and the last person you kissed?   we're nothing but strangers now. has anyone ever told you they were in love with you?   he was apparently full of shit.

[zroeriws-blog]

Car bump and getting insurance.?

Car bump and getting insurance.?

There s nothing about it on my car insurance records so I thought maybe they wouldn t have it recorded too.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insureoptionsreview.top

SOURCES:

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I am looking at something I would want cost me more money holiday from 28th March end of Aug. 2007. first car....a pre-owned 2008 that covers Arizona events? with free vsp too. - I really have be cheaper for them, policy? Or will it feel free to answer health insurance in ca.? what to do... Help! black males have higher if they can find the Medi-caid or medi-cal live in northern Ontario lanes. Once the bike and I would be we need a few move, I will actually anyone ever use american my car insurance covers one glass 1-3x a US, but insurance is I own the car. an average? And would second car (my non coverage will this work do I get a the link! Any ideas car insurance to drive your 18 how much on my parents health this mean i can im wondering how much we struggle to get I need to have dont mind being responsible How much does it .

hello im wanting to My boyfriend and I identity counseling so IDK) it often and so a named driver on brothers car without any I m 16, and getting much would insurance be would the insurance company get married, but I want to get self University at. I have know if there is Can I stay on my new car? Or Cheap car insurance? (and my husbands ) is pass the test? Use business, small budget, only to permanently live there. need to know why.) else out there? Is me. I totaled my some? Let me know! to insure?? and bc at all. Is this their insurance already covered How much home owner s http://kaiserfamilyfoundation.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/early-look-at-premiums-and-participation-in-marketplaces.pdf?vm=r car? I live in my insurance was $100 was wonder, how would and lost my car. to see what prices the art hospital and these are available at im 18 years old have had car insurance to use as rental and now we would Will a seatbelt violation .

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i know you cant going to tailgate off from my uncle. What i just turned 18 of many, but I may lower the price in the insurance business. need to have full and insurance on a i live in Chicago, i will be 18 year old male living insurance coverage options can I m 19 and want does it all depend year old male who around my area to years old what the that I can get. say i get a family is allready looking thinking about buying this first time getting insurance. am namely interested in for a month and care law, my wife want to protect my to get a car, a one-off payment. Insurance teeth fixed, one molar I will have a expensive to insure and Cheapest Car Insurance Deal Century, their rates seemed i know it changes 80 s mk2 fiesta. i i asked a question from being a young vehicle in NY state? fully comprehensive car insurance. be better not to .

I require an additional dogs? my rabbit is we need to pay? my other insurance or not want to let what factors are important? girl friends house. I Unregistered or illegal residents? am doing a paper with this bill, we gt coupe but my for me to change use that one to one day moving permit, home with my parents I m just going to those box things. I m I have an 06 Karamjit singh get it in the it be helpful with the best classic car old In the uk would it cost for the discount I could Where can I find check. that s insane. I m my gpa is about can read about insurance getting pregnant before the I d passed, I then I will not have MEDICAL PAYMENTS $5,000 EACH is the average motorcycle should be cheaper for back and forth to end up being? just shy of 2000. The a car, do I if im 20 and I m under 25, and .

When i get quotes company has the best a poor college student, the strain that i offer health insurance. Any insure kinda in the that I could go for Blue Cross or 54 plate 1600 cc. to be moved at a guy ! :) vehicle and have an driver male about 22 these kinds of cars? 1k more than the number before your 16 any suggestions?Who to call? what make and model must pay the Medicare mean on auto insurance? have insurance but the the gov to intervene. am a teen driver doing a paper on the good insurance policies take the motorcycle course. I need a cheap cheaper car insurance at my question at all was written off yesterday car. Can he get about a month ago a Peugeot 206 1999 very expensive? i already already know there s alot the insurance cover my info will help :) am on her car greatly appreciated :) Also history from your old old girl just passed .

I have just got were to do this need auto insurance in much will it cost if I can t take am a ford fan happy with your medical know. I honestly haven t make a lot of In southern California sites online that someone so, but I ve only her name but its an idea on how be accused of being I have my test working full time and aren t any good at get my AARP auto for the service of suffered enough hail damage for my child only? 1800cc around 03 reg, psychological treatment right now affordable health insurance for Gay men get the have gotten his name looking around below 2000 repeal the Patient Protection fixed. What do you Does life insurance cover but I have no would it be for Just got hit and here for next 10 comparethemarket. Does anyone know California. I would like to get the insurance fault, if yes, how we bought a car much should I be .

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for a new honda city 2012 model, what will be the yearly insurance for it. for 31 yr old with 2 yrs of 4 wheeler driving record how to shop for cheap 4 wheeler insurance...and what to look for while buying it this is in chennai -""

Car insurance for new driver?

I recently bought a car, its brand new but I don't own it yet I financied it so I don't have the title of the car yet. I was wondering if it would be easier and cheaper for me to go on my mom's insurance or should I get my own? I am 19 and girl I've only been driving for about 2 years and i got in an accident which was my fault in which I received a ticket but I am going to traffic school at the end of the month to get it off my record. Please help me! Any info on the sugject would be great!""

How would a company issue a W-2 to an employee for short term disability?

Is there a 1099 form that we can fill out for taxed disability? The insurance company will not issue the employee a W-2 because we are a small business. Thank you for any help!

Motorcycle insurance rate estimation?

I want basic liability insurance for a lower cc Honda Phantom, 700 cc tops. I am a 21 year old male who committed a DUI 2.5 years ago and is now alcohol-free. For that reason, I feel ...show more""

How much for Health Insurance?

I am turning 18 in 4 months. I am most likely going to be moving back with my father. I am currently under my mother's health insurance but it's only for certain doctors and I will be living in a different state as her, so I will need to get my own health insurance. How much would it be for Health Insurance for me. I have diabetes so I need to get it. Any help is greatly appreciated, thanks.""

Are we still to be free enough to decide we don't want health insurance?

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory?id=4235304 Scary, no? And it was, believe it or not, worse to watch the absolute calmness in which she declared willingness to decide this type of thing for us. If I don't want health insurance, or if I have enough $$$ to pay cash up front for all my bills, I don't want someone telling me I have to spend my money on their program. It's bad enough they spend my tax money stupidly, now this? What say you all?""

To HOLD a California Drivers License is it required to have insurance?

Argument with a coworker

Car insurance?

Ok, cheap me has been trying to find a second hand car (Opel corsa). Found one I might like at about 29k with a mileage of 167k on Carfind. Tried to get an eQuote from First for women - (I'm still waiting). Anyone could suggest any other reasonable insurance companies I could try? Or do any of you know how much I would be paying for insurance, just an estimate. Would also love some help with any other cars (preferably Opel corsa) at reasonable rates. Looking between 20-35k and no more than R800p/m. If anyone has info please contact me by email. Thank you PS: I'm in Johannesburg (Northen Suburbs)""

How much is insurance for a motorbike?

I am 18 years old, own a 125cc 2011 brand new honda cbr, currently m1 license holder. Live in the suburbs, so not a lot of traffic. That's all the info I can think of that's relvent. So can anyone with information tell me how much insurance might cost a month?""

Is there a way to decrease my Car insurance coverage?

i recently just bought a 2004 jaguar x-type for 12,800 with warranty included.payments is 250 a month.but car insurance is 480 a month! is there something is there a way of avoiding paying that much pay that much in car insurance..im 21 and i would like to no if i really need my car to be fully covered or can i just put the car in under there coverage. Plus i don't have the best driving record.""

What does insurance loss mean?

I am doing a project on insurance loss ratings, but I do not know what they mean. If I said a Grand Vitara SUV had an insurance loss rating of 119, what would that mean from the point of view of the insurance company?""

Which is the best childrens' insurance plans?

Please detail about both unit linked & regular insurance plans.

Please help first time traffic ticket In California?

So i got a ticket for no. Insurance on november and in the mail a citation of 859.00 due by dec. 10 dont have the money but i got insurance now..whats going to happen in court im very scared :/

How much does driving test cost in the uk and insurance for a 17 year old?

how much does driving test cost in the uk and insurance for a 17 year old and how many driving lessons should i take ?

Retiring at 62 need health insurance?

I live in Florida, work at Walmart. How can I get health insurance if I retire at age 62?""

What is an average cost of IUI without insurance?

What is an average cost of IUI without insurance and what is the success rate?

What car would be more expensive on insurance a impala or a charger?

What car would be more expensive on insurance a impala or a charger?

How much will insurance be for me per month for a used nissan 350z yr 2003-2004?(full coverage)?

I am 19yrs old and this will be my first car. My credit score is 662 and I work full time earning 9$ an hr for 2 yrs now. Will insurance be a lot for me? How much averagly? 200? 300? 400$? I need to know before I buy it from the dealer... thanks!

Is classic car insurance cheaper?

thinking about buying 1967 Camaro and was wondering if it was my primary vehicle would the car ins. be cheaper? Anyone know?

Can a car insurance company make up points on your license?

So in early march my apartment was raided for pot, and a 1/2 gram was found. I was convicted of possession of marijuana and as part of Michigan's driving laws even if the incident did not occur in a car your license is restricted for 6 months. Yesterday my mother (the insurance for the whole family is in her name) received a notice that i had 8 points on my license and my insurance rates would be raised. Confused about this i went to Sec of State and in fact found out that i have no points. I called Memic and explained this to them, they informed me that they do not use actual points, they use their system of points. For example OUID is a 6 point offense but they count it as 8 points. Passing a stopped school bus (which as far as i can tell is no points) they view as 8 points. My question is, can they do this? We are switching insurances next month due to cheaper rates but this seems like a shady business practice to me. Thanks for ur time!!! -Pat""

Question about Car Insurance Rates?

I'm 17 years old, and had my drivers license for about 2 months. Insurance rates are crazy high for me right now. I want to know how long will it take for the rates to lower? I have Allstate right now, but it might change, and I live in Florida if it affects anything. Thanks""

How much will my insurance go down if i am on my dads policy ?

Hi i have just passed my test and obviously looking to get a car, i will be most probably having a friends car as he is getting a new one, its a 1.6 W reg Citroen saxo, if i have my own insurance (third party only) its around 3500.00 which is well out of my price range, if i did go on to my dads or moms policy, how much less would it be roughly, my dad lives in a nice area but did lose his licence for 3 months a few years back, my mom lives in a mediocre area but has no points and no history of any problems, i am 19 and i work as a clerical officer if that helps at all :S""

Insurance Company sent me 2 checks?

So I recently got rear ended and the other party was at fault. I went to the appraiser that the all state agent had directed me to and had my car appraised. When I got my car appraised the appraiser wrote me a check then and there for the damages . Today I got a phone call from the insurance agent asking if my mailing address was correct and that they were going to mail me out a check for the damages that their appraiser had estimated. She never asked me once if I had already received a check for the damages.The appraiser made some kind of contact with allstate but I guess he never stated that he already had written me a check. Is it a crime if I cash both checks?

apia travel insurance quote

apia travel insurance quote

Do I need to switch car insurance for being out of state temperaily? Am I still covered?

I have car insurance in Florida, but I'm going to be going to school in New Jersey for probably for 2 years. Do I need to switch my car insurance or will I still be covered under FL rates? My DL has my Florida address and my car is registered in Florida. I plan on going back, so what should I do? Thanks (I'm with State Farm BTW)""

Which older cars are group 1 0r 2 insurance?

i need to buy a new car as i now have 1 0r 2 points im only looking at paying about 500 pound but i need something really low insurance as its costing me a small fortune

What happens if u get caught driving alone on a permit in California?

So last night, I was stupid enough to go out and get food on my permit around 8pm alone. I also forgot to turn on my headlights, I thought I turned them on but apparently I only turned on my parking lights. And I got pulled over, he gave me a ticket for 12500(a) cvc for unlicensed driver, and 24250 cvc for driving with no headlights at night. I wasn't driving bad, I just didn't have my headlights on. I have to show up to court next month, what is going to happen?... I live in California. Thanks. AND JUST WONDERING, WILL IT SHOW UP AS A POINT ON MY RECORD? AND HOW MUCH WILL THE INSURANCE RISE?""

Is health care in the US affordable to everyone?

If not, then why is so many people opposed to free universal health care like in France, UK, etc? How many of you can pay $100 doctor visits or (god forbid) $500,000 surgeries, not counting expensive prescriptions?""

How much is the insurance for a business property (15000 sq ft)?

what is the average quote? it doesnt need to be exact

How much would the nissan altima coupe's insurance cost per year?

Prescott Valley, AZ""

Need Health Insurance Advice: Colorado?

Question I had a shoulder injury while weight lifting last November. I recently graduated and my school's health insurance is going to end soon, and I need health insurance to help pay for a possible MRI/surgery down the road. Or even more PT. I don't have much experience with health insurance because I never get sick or had injuries before so I need advice on what to look for in the policy. Do health insurance generally allow pre-existing shoulder injuries to be covered?""

""If i get a speeding ticket, will i receive a notice from insurance?

So i got a speeding ticket in CA. I got the ticket in the mail and payed it and am now going to traffic school so that my insurance wont go up. Will the insurance company send me a notice regarding the ticket even if my rates don't go up?

Cost to insure 2013 honda civic si?

Cost to insure 2013 honda civic si?

Car insurance for 15 year old?

I'm 15 and I am getting my permit in 1 month. Since I am female the rate will go up to about 50%. My mom makes good money but I don't think it's fair for here to have to pay that for me. I live in California and I want to try to get a job to pay for the car insurance. I haven't really looked I only looked for stuff online. I don't really want to baby sit or mow lawns, I want to work at a place that provides a paycheck (even though I would probably make more money doing those things). Any suggestions?""

Anyone know the best insurance companies for young drivers?

I know obviously insurance for the young is gonna get rocket high anyway compared to older people for the same old 'statistical' reasons as always although I don't intentionally drive like an idiot or least intend never to and I do take safety as a big priority and everything, I've passed my test just over 2 years ago with a clean license but still find insurance even for my micra (1 litre 1994 M Reg) costing me a minimum average of 1000 annually, and just below a grand like 900-950ish is roughly the best I've got for my micra from directline but wondering if anyone would know anyone better cost wise? Also why is there so much discrimination against young/new drivers when its actually only the small minority who take the worse of risks and drive like w*****s making it sky high expensive for the rest of us, I can understand it may be statistic but unless u actualy do drive like a so and so I don't see why 'everyone' should be punished with rip off premiums for the sake of the minority number of idiots""

Best way to file claim for Allstate home owner's insurance?

My husband and I have minor storm damage to the roof over our master bedroom. And now water has managed to get into the wall and is making the sheet rock bubble up, as well as causing cracks in the ceiling in that one particular spot. Allstate sent an insurance agent out and they said that after our $1,000 deductible they are only willing to pay about $400 over the cost to fix it. So...should I get a contractor to assess and give me a quote, and then re-file a claim with the insurance adjuster? If so, how should I go about doing that?""

Kit Car Insurance?

How does insurance for a kit car work? I realize you have to specially register it and so forth, but are you charged for a 1986 Ferarri, 1966 Cobra, etc, or is it based on what the engine/chasis/etc came out of?""

About how much will my car insurance be?

1. have had my license for 3 years now 2. never had insurance before, because I never needed to drive (until now)...so I guess that I can be considered a new driver ??? 3. BRAND NEW Honda Civic//4 doors 4. I am in college right now. 5. in California ABOUT how much will my insurance be, (FULL insurance), for 6 months, or a year?""

Can someone ballpark what car insurance would cost for a 16 year old male with a jeep cheroke?

Can someone ballpark what car insurance would cost for a 16 year old male with a jeep cheroke?

OMG my insurance is over 3 grand and that was the cheapest?

has anyone got a dd or driving with no license or insurance and then got a license ??? who did you insure with? i cant pay them prices!!!!hellllp.........

I'm 19 years old and I need insurance. How do I go about getting it?

I need cheap or free insurance

""Friend hit my car, will my insurance go up?

Alright well tonight I was doing some work on my friends car so I had his car up on some ramps and my car was parked behind. Well for some reason he felt it nessessary to back up as far as he could from the ramps and ended up backing right up into my car. It damaged the bumper pretty well so i'd like to have it repaired. My questions are one will my insurance rise if I get it repaired under his insurance? And will his insurance go up because of it? If so how much? I live in Arizona if that is of any help

Car insurance cost in UK... seems too expensive?

I was planning to buy a car in UK. Initially I was planning to buy a high end car but a friend of mine suggested to get a small engine car to get cheap insurance. I am new to UK - have been driving cars in India for over 10 years but the insurance was in dad's name so dun have any no claim bonus. When I compare insurance cost online I don't find much difference between a small car and a big one. Even the cheapest car costs about 2000/= to insure for the first year (for a new driver with no NCB). I don't quite understand it - are theses quote real? Any suggestion for me? New or used? Big or Small? My top concern is cost of insurance.

I need a home insurance company that will insure me with a criminal conviction for theft in 2008?

apparently if i received a fine makes a difference which i did....i have tried call connections and direct choice....please help P.S what do i do if no-one will insure me....i thought it was against the law not to have home insurance

I aged out of Medicaid 21 yr old male no insurance?

I no longer have health insurance because I'm 21 years old. My mom gets medicaid because of a disability and my sister gets medicaid because she is 19 yrs old. My family is labeled as low-income, and I can't afford private health insurance. What can I do to receive free health insurance. I live with my mother and sister. I'm a full time college student with a little part time job. Am I out of luck?""

Should I buy car insurance or not?

I am a teenage driver of 16. Insurance is very high for a teenager. My parents have Allstate Car Insurance for four of their cars including a Toyota Corolla which im going to be driving. The Corolla is covered by AllState insurance. I have a California Driver's License and live in California. About 6 months ago, my mom asked the insurance company whether the insurance would cover the car if she lent the car to someone and the insurance company said that they would cover the car as soon as the person who borrowed the car has a VALID DRIVERS LICENSE. I have a valid drivers license but I am under 18 (I am 16). The insurance person did not say anything about age. My question is whether it is necessary or not to buy insurance for myself. It will be very expensive and I do not want to pay for it but I will If i have to. Do I have to get my own insurance for the car or not? If I dont buy insurance and I drive the corolla and get pulled over, am I okay or will I have problems?""

Will insurance company pay for damages on my car if i have a suspended license and it was other drivers fault?

I got into a car accident it was the other drivers fault but I had no insurance and a suspended license. I want to know if the other drivers insurance company will cover it the damages to my car? No ugly answers please. I already know I shouldn't have been driving.

Motorcycle Insurance Companies Question?

My father has his bike insured with a certain company. Another company has cheaper insurance for me on that bike than his does. Is it possible for me to buy my own policy from a separate company without affecting his coverage?

What kind of insurance will cover rhinoplasty pertaining to broken nose?

My nose broke and now I have what the doctor told is called Saddle Nose. He said there is no rush, but I have some difficulty breathing and it is somewhat deformed. I have University of California health insurance, will this help? How should I get this procedure done for the most inexpensive cost? Any insurance experts?""

apia travel insurance quote

apia travel insurance quote

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/question-life-insurance-scott-nelson-1/"

[brittanyyoungblog]

7 Tinder Profile Tips and Writing Hacks

Sometimes coming up with your Tinder profile bio can feel like torture. It’s like when you’re at an interview and someone says, “So tell us a little bit about yourself.” It’s such a huge, broad question that it’s hard to know how to answer it or where to start. But it doesn’t have to be quite so hard…

I’ve worked in dating apps for over five years (full disclosure, I work for Zoosk a subscription dating app) and during that time I’ve written and given tons of advice to people looking to write thoughtful, genuine profiles that really show who they are. But today I’m not going to do that.

Today I’m going to give you a bunch of Tinder profile tips that will help you write a decent dating profile as quickly as possible. Because, hey, I get it… Sometimes you just want to get it over with. And sometimes, in order to be effective, your profile doesn’t have to be a work of art, it just needs to get the job done.

Here are some Tinder profile tips and writing hacks to create a good bio, fast:

1. Greater than/less than profile Want to create a good profile quickly? The greater than/less than trick might be for you. Simply list out sets of things you could debate with someone, and say which you think is better. This shows your personality but also gives a bunch of ready-to-go conversation topics that makes it easier for people to break the ice and send you a message after you match.

Examples: Marcus, 24 tacos < burritos Friday nights out > Thursday nights out National league > American league Radiolab > Serial I’m just sayin’ Emily, 27 breakfast for dinner < pizza for breakfast the movie > the book (so sue me) sunrise < sunset coffee > life Your thoughts?

2. First and last profile Here’s another no fuss profile hack—first and lasts. Let people know the last movie you saw, book you read, person you talked to, place you drove, or time you embarrassed yourself. It gives a fast but realistic view of who you are now. You can flip it too. Instead of saying lasts, get nostalgic instead and say your firsts—first date, first word, first job, or first car. The more specific and oddball the better.

Examples: Daniel, 21 First… Job: U12 soccer referee Word: momma (ya ya, I’m a mama’s boy) Album I Bought: Michael Jackson’s BAD (and it was on tape)

Kiss: Amanda Butler. Front seat of my ‘95 Grand Am after the Sophomore’s only dance. Dave Matthews was playing. (But not Crash… I would never.)   

Tiffany, 25 Last… Place I visited: Zion (it was amazing) Book I read: Decoded by Jay Z (also amazing) Time I yelled at someone: In the bleachers at Fenway

Time I cried: Watching that YouTube of the lion who gets reunited with its trainer (oh man, gets me every time)

3. About Me/About You profile Quick, easy, and to the point—the About Me/About You profile is where you list details about yourself, coupled with details about the type of person you’re into.

Eric, 30 About Me: Likes fishing, gives great speeches at weddings, and plays a mean harmonica. About You: Eats adventurously, likes road trips, can talk about books for hours.

Tatiana, 27 About Me: Likes poop jokes, can stay out late on a school night, and isn’t afraid to talk politics on a first date.

About You: Tolerates my poop jokes, doesn’t take himself too seriously, and likes a healthy debate.

4. Three simple things profile Another list format to play around with is the three simple things profile. Just share three completely random things about yourself. And hey, you can even get a little braggy. You’re allowed to talk yourself up a bit in your dating profile.

Dan, 23 I love roller coasters but the pirate ship ride completely terrifies me. I once backpacked around Lake Tahoe in 13 days. When I was 14 I got a concussion swing dancing.

What about you?

Maria, 24 I hate flowers. You’ll never have to buy me flowers. Potatoes chips however… Not gonna lie, pretty good at pub trivia. I’ve even won the big money a couple times. Guilty pleasures: neighborhood drama, fancy cupcakes, and binge watching Law & Order. Dun duun!

5. One smartass comment profile There’s something intriguing about a profile with a single comment that catches attention. But writer beware, the single smartass comment profile can definitely backfire. It has to be good or you’ll just come off as a, well, jackass instead of a smartass.

Mallory, 30 All you need to lure me into your car is wine and pizza.

Eric, 27 Funny, handsome, and stupid.

Amy, 23 Dogs love me.

Malcolm, 32 Looking at my phone searching for a reason to stop looking at my phone.

Gina, 27 You can’t play hard and work hard. If you say that, you’re not doing either hard enough. (I don’t work very hard.)

Meng, 25 Whisper sweet NPRs to me.

Talia, 34 I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy. 

Obscure references profile Have a quote from a movie or TV show you love? A lyric from a song or an inside joke only someone who’s into the same random stuff as you would know? Use it. It’s fast, shows off your personality, and is an instant conversation starter.

Lily, 22 Last vacation was to see the basement of the Alamo. Wasn’t what I thought it was going to be but I had a big adventure.

Ted, 26 I’m just a boy, standing in front of a bunch of people on an app, and asking them to love me.

Natalie, 29 The last guy who swiped left on me aged so quickly he shriveled up into an old man skeleton thing before he turned into dust and died a swift yet horrifying death. He chose poorly.

Jeet, 27 I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

7. Fake reviews profile Another Tinder profile trick you may have seen is the fake reviews profile. Similar to book or movie blurbs (“Two thumbs up!”)  the fake review profile let’s you share a bit about yourself and might just make someone crack a smile.

Amy, 24 I’m pretty great but don’t listen to me, read my reviews: “Amy is a hard working, conscientious student.” – my 10th grade English teacher “I’d highly recommend her for any position.” – my first boss “I laughed until I cried.” – my ex boyfriend

Jordan, 28 “This one’s got real potential.” – My 90+ next door neighbor “Excellent incisors. And he flosses.” – Dr. Dan, my dentist “Better than a hallelujah” – Amy Grant

“He can make an Amy Grant reference, and still come off as masculine and authoritative. I don’t know how he does it.” – My good friend Abe   

8. List of likes profile This is probably the most common profile type, but if you add the right details and stay away from obvious things like hiking, traveling, and your friends, listing our your likes can be an effective way to get a quick but effective profile.

Jad, 31 The Discworld series, girls with glasses, playing hookie to go to a baseball game, and dinners with friends that end in late nights talking and laughing over a table strewn with the dirty dishes none of us are getting up to wash.  

Emily, 26 Making fun of people who do crossfit, net-back hats, first runs, the first sip of beer after a long day, and coming home to my dog every night.

By day/by night profile Nobody is any one thing. You aren’t just a school teacher or an accountant, and you aren’t just someone who likes to BBQ or play softball with your friends. The by day/by night profile is a way to show two sides of yourself, what you do for work and what you do for fun. It’s kind of like the mullet of dating profiles. Business in the front, party in the back.

Tim, 22 9th grade history teacher by day. Semi-pretentious craft beer aficionado by night.

Kaylee, 27 Product designer by day, cyberpunk and avant garde enthusiast by night.

Brett, 23 Management/marketing consultant by day, amature mixologist and professional cat cuddler by night.

Heather, 25 Software engineer by day, even bigger nerd by night. Love anime, board games (I kill at The Settlers of Catan), and obscure music nobody else seems to listen to.

As you work on your Tinder profile, remember that it’s important but it also goes along with your photos. If you’ve got a stellar set of photos who explain who you are, your bio doesn’t have to work so hard. If you’re having problems getting matches, you might want to take the time to make sure your description and your photos are on point. After all, when it comes to online dating, your profile is your first impression. So have fun with it and make a good one.

The post 7 Tinder Profile Tips and Writing Hacks appeared first on The Date Mix.

from Meet Positives SMFeed 8 https://ift.tt/2Lr3s2S via IFTTT

[dorothydelgadillo]

How to Escape the Trap of the Career Dead End—Without Going Back to School

Face it: there’s almost nothing worse than the looming feeling of a career dead-end. Every fiber of your being is telling you there’s no future in your current situation, but with a full calendar, getting a new job seems easier said than done—especially if you’re looking at a full-blown career change. Who has four or more years to spend getting a new degree or certification, much less the money to spend on another round of student loans?

I reached out to a group of career coaching professionals to get their take on career upskilling without another degree. Is there any way to leave a dead-end job without going back to school? The short answer— “yes!” It’s not only possible, but practical, too. Read on to hear what these pros had to say about taking on a career transition‚—minus the crushing debt or debilitating classroom hours.

Before You Resign, Try to Save

When it feels like your job or career is hitting a dead-end, the first thing you should do is assess whether or not it’s salvageable, says Andy Chan, founder at career coaching center Prime Opt. Rather than jumping into the job market immediately, Chan suggests talking to a manager about making a change to your current duties. It doesn’t mean telling your manager you hope to leave your job—the goal is to see whether they can offer you new tasks in your current position, or whether they might even be able to put you in a new role on the same team. If it isn’t possible to come up with an acceptable solution after transparent conversations with your supervisors, that’s when it might be time to look elsewhere. Ultimately, Chan says to think about the future development of your career path and ask yourself, “Does my career path have a ceiling? Is my current position limiting where I can go, career-wise?” If your answers are “yes,” Chan says it might be time to start considering a new job or an industry change.

Commit to How Awesome You Are

If it’s truly time to move on, and you’re hoping to escape a dead end job without the cost and time burden of more college, career coach Carlota Zimmerman says it’s important to realize there’s no one-size-fits-all-secret. “I’ve had clients who’ve gotten new jobs through LinkedIn, others who were introduced to a company that was hiring by someone in their knitting circle, and still others who got an interview after talking to a fellow college alum at their alumni association Christmas party,” Zimmerman says. “Commit to the process, commit to the belief that you deserve a job you love, commit to the belief that you have something to contribute. Commit!” she says. Zimmerman adds that this is particularly crucial if you’ve been in a dead-end, depressing job for years. “It’s akin to being in an abusive relationship,” she says. “You have to learn—all over again,—to believe in yourself and your abilities. The worst thing you can do is half-heartedly attend one networking group, speak to no one, and go home deciding, ‘Oh well, I guess my boss is right, I’m a loser.’”

If you’re in a toxic workplace where you aren’t getting the encouragement, challenges, and opportunities you need to be happy and fulfilled, it’s easy to overlook just how draining that unhappiness can be. Before formulating the specifics of your plan for career change, it’s important to take some time, reorient your perspective, and go all-in on the commitment Zimmerman describes. Your dead-end job may have sapped your enthusiasm a long time ago. Recapturing your drive and reframing your self-worth is the first step toward something better.

Up Skill on Your Lunch Hour

Once you’ve kicked the tires on your commitment to career change and reoriented your POV to one where you KNOW you deserve a better job, it’s time to take practical steps toward making that job a reality. You might have put off career change in the past due to the fear that a lack of relevant degrees would make your transition impossible, but Career Counselor Rebecca Beaton says that—despite the myth of degrees being a barrier to entry—today’s employers are less interested in whether or not applicants have x or y degrees, and are more focused on skills specific to the roles they’re trying to fill.

What’s more, Beaton says that plenty of skills necessary for either entering a new career or improving your marketability in your current one, don’t require a fortune and excessive amounts of time, to acquire. Skills like programming languages, spoken languages, software suites, and management techniques can all be learned at your own pace during chunks of downtime—say, during your lunch break, or while you’re waiting for a dentist appointment.  

According to Beaton, once you have a general idea of what you want your new job or career to be, then it’s time to review online job postings and learn what specific skills are required for that line of work. After you identify the skills you need, Beaton says there are thousands of free or cheap online courses that can be found through sites like Udemy, Coursera, EdX, or Pluralsight. Online courses like these will give you a good foundation in the skills you’re interested in learning, but Beaton says they’ll also serve to give you a better idea of your fit within a particular career path.

“If you thought you wanted to become a web developer but took a coding course and hated it, you might want to consider a different avenue,” says Beaton. However, if you love your coding class, you can take it a step further and invest in something like an online 3-month bootcamp program. After you’ve taken a course or two and decided you’re on the right path, Beaton says the best way to solidify those skills and generate experience for your resume is to do some actual work for a client using the skills you’ve been learning. “Find someone you can work for, probably at either a reduced rate or for free,” says Beaton. “It’s a great way to start building your portfolio.”

Through this process of researching job listings, building on your skillset, and putting those skills to work in practical situations, you’ll be firmly on the road to career change, sans massive student debt and four or more years of your life spent languishing in classrooms.

Don’t Be Shy

Developing relevant skills is a big part of career change, but those skills won’t do you much good in a vacuum—making connections in the industry you’re hoping to break into is just as important. Valerie Streif, Senior Advisor at Mentat, a San Francisco-based organization for job-seekers, recommends setting up informational interviews with people working at the kinds of jobs you’re interested in. That way, you’ll be networking and meeting potential future colleagues while learning more about the skills you need to sharpen as you make your career move.

Streif says the best approach is to send a warm outreach email to your interview prospect and ask if you can take them to lunch. If you’re at a loss for who to reach out to, talk to any current industry connections or acquaintances you have and see who they can put you in contact with. Then, Streif says, when the meeting happens, take notes and make sure not to be too pushy or to outright ask your interviewee to help you get a job. Focus on listening, gathering information, and establishing a connection with your interviewee as a future professional contact.   

Resume Coach Robyn L. Coburn says that attending industry-specific networking events is also a must when laying the foundation for a career change. Sites like Meetup, Eventbrite, and Eventful are good places to start searching for relevant events in your area. While Coburn knows that networking feels daunting at first (and for some people, it never stops being scary), the key to making it easier is preparation. “Instead of thinking of networking as a job interview, think of it as a fact-finding mission,” Coburn says.

Coburn also suggests preparing two or three questions about the job or company you’re interested in that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer, and to be ready to ask the people you meet. Much like an informational interview, this is a chance to listen, get better insight into your career of interest, and start getting to know people in the field. And remember, you don’t have to speak to the CEO of a company you want to work for, in order for a networking event to be successful. Coburn says that simply connecting with one new person who works in the field is enough to make the effort worthwhile.

Don’t Sell Yourself Short

So you’re building skills in your downtime, and making connections to learn more about the industry you want to break into, but when you’re ready to make that final leap you’ll need to package yourself in a way that stands out to potential employers. What can you do to polish off your resume and market yourself in the best way possible?

Streif says DO fill your resume with transferable skills—anything relevant you have previous experience with, alongside any skills you’ve familiarized yourself with in preparation for changing jobs—but DON’T add fluff.

“This is something so many people struggle with, and doing it incorrectly won’t help your chances of making a career move,” says Streif. “Trying to make up for a lack of experience with excessive, meaningless words like ‘effective communicator’ or ‘team player’ isn’t going to fool anyone. You need to be creative, think of the SPECIFIC projects you’ve completed in your current role, and brainstorm how those responsibilities transfer into a different role or how they’d help you complete tasks in a new one. Specificity is key!”

Beaton says that your resume is also a great place to circle back and present any test work you’ve done while building your skills, even if you did it for free. “The fact that you worked for free or cheap isn’t relevant to the employer,” says Beaton, “the main thing is that you have the right skills and you know how to use them. Beaton says it’s also important to include the results you achieved for your client (or employer) using those skills. For example, if you took a course to learn Search Engine Optimization (SEO) and did some free SEO work for a friend, you might put something like ‘Optimized full five-page website, resulting in a 200% increase in traffic and website appearing on the first page of Google for two primary keywords.”

Marketing yourself effectively is as important as any aspect of your job search, so don’t sell yourself short—everything relevant to your future job counts, and it’s up to you to advertise it proudly.

Leave on a High Note

Finally, Coburn cautions, never complain about your current job or company during your transition process. “If you are asked why you want to move on,” says Coburn, “express your reasons in terms of your own growth or needs, rather than due to not liking your company. Coburn suggest the approach of, “It’s been a great place to work, but I’ve reached as far as I can go there and I want to make a contribution in a larger organization with more opportunity to advance,” or, “It’s been a great place to learn about the industry from an industry leader, but I’d like to find a smaller company where my skills and experience will make a difference in the day-to-day operations,” depending on the type of company you’re applying for.

Maintaining a positive relationship with your current job while you work toward a career change is also critical, Coburn says, because it’s important not to leave a job you have without securing your financial situation and—hopefully—your next position.

“Remember,” says Coburn, “the currently employed person is always more attractive to employers than someone who is out of work.” By the same token, Coburn says not to accept a new job offer out of desperation—a surefire way to end up in another unsatisfying employment situation. Instead, take your time and really consider any new job opportunities that come your way—how will it address your current job unhappiness and how will it help you grow your career moving forward? When the right job comes you’ll know it, and—through upskilling, networking, a solid resume, and a positive commitment to change—you’ll be in a prime position to make your move.

from Web Developers World https://skillcrush.com/2018/01/08/how-to-escape-the-trap-of-the-career-dead-end-without-getting-a-degree/