#I love you but it’s so scary how you’ve consumed me or how I’ve consumed you

[honeyloopsenthusiast]

thinking abt how not a lot of ppl talk abt (or maybe they do and it’s me!! im the issue here i haven’t met them so if ur seeing this hmu!!) how tiring and downright cruel being in love can be for a person. maybe cruel is a strong word but it can be so very disturbing having to think abt a person all the time and I am by no means trying to say that being in love with someone is a- full time commitment and a job and it requires you to put in the hours and shi- but js the feeling part of it.

I canNOT be the only one thinking it’s not all that perfect and that when we go high we go high but when we go low we go so fucking low that im abt two millimetres from touching the ground after falling from a 80feet roller coaster drop.

And by lows i don’t mean the ups and downs however subjective this may be from person to person- i mean LOW like there’s nothing the other persons doing to make you feel this way but it’s js the act of being left in ur own company and being so sickeningly preoccupied w thoughts of them that it’s physically making you sick.

Not disgustingly sick just- sick. Like this is affecting me both mentally and physically. I’m not irked out by them im not disgusted but im just on edge??

I feel nauseous and distracted and disturbed bcs I cant stop thinking abt them and it’s leaving me restless and incapacitated to carry on w my day?? and suddenly I don’t feel like eating anymore im subconsciously skipping meals and consistently depending on what they have to say which is robbing me off my will to js be by myself??

Again they’ve done NOTHING wrong to cause this. I have never not felt deeply abt a situation. love doesn’t sound overwhelming to me love sounds dangerous. it’s taking “butterflies in my stomach” to another level and idk how I feel abt that

Being sexually fluid and shifting from being cupioromantic to being in a relationship with someone can be so frightening bcs now im supposed to do everything I’ve never done before

I have genuinely (in the least self pity way possible) been so devoid of romantic intimacy that I’ve never found myself in the position to experience it. And it’s not the inexperience that’s driving me mad it’s the fact that I’ve subconsciously rejected affection and the idea of being the object of attraction so much that it’s physically uncomfortable to be unknowingly doing things that I’d never do before.

I love them and I still want to be with them. They’re not the problem here but the aftermath of being in love is just not spoken about enough and MAYBE IM GOJNG NOWHERE W THIS

[saylor-twift]

“he loves you, but he would never say that to your face.”

“-but he would never admit that.”

“-but he would never tell you.”

???

Are you sure? I am an avid tumblr stalker, and I’ve read so many things on silly little hat man in my time. I’ve seen things that tore my heart to pieces, that patched it up, that made me want to rip my guts out and throw up, that made me feel on top of the world.

And yet this is the one thing that bothers me so very much. I know, everyone has their own interpretations and opinions on different characters. So let me share my own.

The Wanderer is such a deeply written and intricate character, strung together with deep fears and insecurities, tragic backstories, and a beautiful story of change, healing, and moving forward. (I hate hate hate it when he is forced down to the level of nothing but oversexualization and “uwu sexy anime boy”, but that’s a conversation for another time.)

I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’re probably acquainted with Wanderer’s backstory, so I’m not going to explain. A lot of shit happened that made him who he is, and ever since the events of Irminsul, he has taken on a new path that he cannot go back on. Not like he’d ever want to. He said it himself, he never had any intention of returning to the Fatui. (And also- why choose to go backwards when you’ve got such a nice path set ahead of you?)

Anyways, point is, he’s changing. Notice how I said changing. He’s not changed, he’s just starting to. He’s getting there. Which brings me back to my argument. In the case that Wanderer ends up with a partner, things are certainly not going to be like a normal relationship. (He’s got plenty of red flags, don’t even try to deny it. But he’s a fictional character, so I suppose we can let this one slide.) Is he going to make the first move? That depends on if you make him desperate enough. Otherwise, it’s all on you, babe.

He’s not going to take it well. He’s going to deny it as hard as he can. You don’t love him, how can you? He is the furthest thing from loveable as you can get on this godforsaken planet. (His thoughts, not mine) But he certainly loves you, and, albeit with some likely pressuring assistance from Nahida, he’s come to terms with that terrifying knowledge.

“But he wouldn’t admit that to you.”

STOP. STOP RIGHT THERE.

Here is where my controversial opinion comes in. Most people tend to portray Wanderer as this cold, cut-off, aloof and irritable man, even in a relationship. And before you say anything, no, I absolutely do not think he would be the lovey-dovey, sappy, overly caring and romantic type. He’s not on either end of the spectrum, but I do think he’s somewhere in the middle (but probably leaning towards the former side).

Love is so, so very scary to him. And downright unknown. He’s traversing into uncharted waters here, give him some space to figure things out. That being said, he’s testing these waters. He’s not going to say he loves you at the beginning of a relationship. He has to make sure this thing is going to work. Your relationship is a newly built bridge, and those three words are the heavy cargo passing through. Without a strong foundation, the bridge is going to collapse, no questions asked. The only problem is, it’s going to take a long, long time to build that bridge. It’s going to be more expensive, more time consuming, and cost more materials than you had originally bargained for.

But that cargo can’t sit on one side of the bridge forever, can it? No, it has to get to the other side at some point. So if you have the patience to give your time to this bridge, the cargo will find its way to the other side. The foundation may wobble, the planks may shake, but the bridge isn’t going down.

He loves you, and he would admit it out loud. He would say it to your face. Just maybe not as soon as you want it. It’s going to hurt, and you’re going to wonder if he actually cares for you or not. Fear not, because if you pay attention to those little things he does when you’re not looking, it will feed you those little crumbs you need till you can finally be satiated when the full meal is done cooking. He mends things for you, things you had given up on because you’d never have the time nor energy to do it yourself. He cooks, and surprisingly, it’s always your preferences. He collects things that remind him of you, some he keeps out of embarrassment, and some he leaves on your bedsheets whenever you’re not home.

He’s been hurt, abandoned, and betrayed far too many times to immediately let himself fall into something as complicated as a relationship. He’s going to be distant, you’re going to disagree, probably fight a bit. He’s just seeing how far he can bend the lines, how much you really want him. (red flag maybe!! but he’s working on it, it’s going to be okay. mayyyybe you can look past just this one…) If you won’t leave even if he does this, then he thinks, maybe you’re the one. Maybe fate decides to treat him benevolently for once.

And when you finally, finally get to that point, he’s going to drown you so deep you can never get out. He’ll say he loves you, does everything in his power to make sure you never forget it. (no, he’s not going to read you love poems in the moonlight and call you darling. sorry if that’s your thing, that’s not who he is.)

This relationship will never be perfect, but relationships never are. Just as long as the two of you are willing to be patient with the other and get through your differences and clashing personalities, you are going to mold together perfectly. And even if he doesn’t say it often, (which he probably won’t. he’s certain you know it. why repeat something already ingrained into your mind? he doesn’t use those words lightly), it’s not like he’ll never say it. He won’t leave you in the dark for too long. He loves you, don’t worry. He’ll say it, but he prefers to show it.

[ivymarquis]

Say You Won’t Let Go

A Zombie Named Fred

Pairing| John Price x F!Single Mom!Reader Rating| E Word Count| 2.9k Kinks/Content/Warnings| Post Apocalypse!AU, Single Mom!verse, pregnant reader, the author is still on her bullshit about the pepperoncinis, they’re both a little crazy but it’s the end of the world, the author does not have first hand experience nor a formal education on pregnancy, John is giving soft dom vibes

First Chapter | Previous Chapter

Not even 48 hours in and you’re having your first argument.

You can tell by his expression that you’re not giving him the expected response. However he’s clearly no shrinking violet and doesn’t cow to your anxiety-turning-agitation.

“I was only gone for a bit and you were asleep,” he defends himself, standing his ground.

You pry your gaze from the stash of goodies he very obviously acquired with you in mind, the wheels in your brain clearly turning as you decide how much effort this will warrant and if you’re willing to expend that effort.

You’ve been a loose, limp thing for him to drag around as he sees fit. No protests so far as he uses his teeth to scruff you.

“You didn’t even tell me! It’s dangerous out there- what if something had happened?”

“I’ve been in far worse situations, Love, I can assure you that. If I’d have told you last night would you have still gone to bed?”

No.

The apocalypse has taken societal norms and attachment styles and turned them on their heads with no hope for recovery.

This man is a complete stranger to you and yet he is firmly entrenched as the center of your social circle at the moment. You most assuredly would not have responded well last night.

Your silence is loud, giving away the answer entirely.

“I needed you safe, tucked away, and not fretting,” you can feel yourself being mollified against your will, softening back up despite your desire to still prickle in displeasure.

“We don’t know how long we’ll be here until it’s safe to leave,” he continues, “and you are in no condition to be traveling far- we need supplies stocked while the area is still mostly clear from the last herd wandering through.”

That is the one good thing about herds even if they’re an absolutely terrifying sight.

Lions and tigers and bears might be scary predators, but living predators aren’t mindless killing machines. They act in a reasonable way for their species. Leave them alone, don’t fuck with their offspring and don’t make yourself look like easy prey, and they will likely leave you alone.

Zombies? The virus eats away at any rational reasoning or need to sate an ingrained desire. They want to bite, to consume, to spread the virus.

So put together a group of several hundred or several thousand and they are the stuff nightmares are made of.

But if you survive a wave of them wandering through, they pick up any stragglers in an area. They’re gregarious, for whatever that’s worth.

Still terrifying though. The peace in knowing that the local zombie population drops drastically is knowing the price comes at more individuals being added to the herd.

In short, now is about as safe a time as ever to scavenge.

You’re still staring him down, still resisting acquiescing to him on principle.

Of course, there’s little doubt that the captain views your displeasure on par with a disgruntled kitten- yowling and hissing and batting at him but harmless and ineffective.

He steps towards you- close enough he makes you tilt your head to maintain eye contact. “You can just say “Thank you” and go enjoy your peppers, Love,” he asserts, offering you an easy out.

The thought crosses your mind to dig your heels in and be stubborn.

But just the mention of the jar of pepperoncinis placates you as your craving from yesterday returns in full force, pulling your attention away from John and to the jar sitting on the counter.

He’s got you hook, line, and sinker and he knows it too.

“Thank you,” you yield, once again becoming soft and pliant in his hold.

“You’re welcome,” he steps away then, eyes following your every move as you slip past him and do in fact beeline for the peppers.

It’s the end of the world- you can have peppers for breakfast if you want to.

The only problem though is you can’t get the damn jar open.

There are certain changes with your body that you expected with the discovery of your pregnancy- the swell of your belly and your breasts, the stretch marks that criss cross your skin- and some that you learned first hand and it’s annoying.

It’s your body starting to relax itself to prepare for labor, you were told. The tendons and ligaments relaxing. Hips widening.

It also makes your grip weaker which is so incredibly frustrating.

John is at your side in a moment, prompting you with a “Give it here,” to hand him the jar to twist the lid for you.

Any lingering surliness from the discovery of John’s midnight stroll abates entirely as the smell of the peppers hits your nose.

He looks pleased with himself, giving you back the jar as you thank him.

The rest of the day passes peacefully between the two of you. This is not a permanent home, so no renovations or improvements to be made. The biggest line of defense you have here is blending so well into the rest of the abandoned houses that nothing will draw unwanted attention. The windows covered and boarded. There’s no true perimeter to check. You don’t want to catch anyone’s eye by wandering around outside.

You’ve been on the move for so long, constantly fighting and scrapping that it is nice to just sit in one place. The preggie pops despite their silly name are a Godsend. You feel like a person for the first time in months rather than a vessel just waiting to vomit at the wrong provocation.

You get nosy, looking through photos and albums of the owners. The man’s name is Fred. The woman’s name is Wilma.

There’s a fucking lego set that Fred and Wilma never got around to opening. You alternate killing time between working on that and reading. You’re in no hurry, taking your time. John putters around doing something but swings back every so often to check on you.

Eventually you will need to sort laundry, but that can probably happen in a day or so and doesn’t need to be right now.

The water still works so you figure you can just wash your clothes in the sink and then hang them somewhere outside to dry. Simple, but will occupy some time and establish a sense of normal for you. Maybe you can find some sort of clothes line if there’s not one already.

Once again the sun sets and John comes to round you up for the night and herds you up the stairs. You settle into your bed and hear John getting ready over in his and yet despite the fact your pregnancy exhausts you, you can’t sleep.

Your ears are honed in for any sort of attempt on John’s end to sneak out again.

You try to quell the concern and anxiety coiling within you, but everything is a feedback loop just building intensity until you feel like you’re going to snap.

Sleep is a lost cause at this point.

Getting out of bed is a process so you’re not rendered immobile like a turtle on its back. It takes a moment but you manage on your own.

No sooner than you sneak out to the landing you have your answer if John is still in the house. It’s not obnoxiously loud, but you can clearly hear the sound of him snoring on the other side of his door.

Your anxiety quells with the knowledge that he’s still here but doesn’t dissipate entirely.

Not quite ready to return to bed, you decide that maybe a quick snack (something other than the pepperoncinis, the baby says) is in order.

Despite being a grown adult, there’s a part of you that feels akin to a teenager sneaking out of the house.

You are not going to leave. Unlike a certain captain, you don’t have a death wish sneaking out in the middle of the night. While the soft sound of his snores assure you that he’s still sleeping you know he’d be displeased knowing you’re about to venture down the stairs by yourself.

You’re careful- equal parts trying to avoid the parts of the stairs that squeak because you’re not sure how light a sleeper John is, and equal parts simply not wanting to eat shit on the stairs. God forbid you give his concerns credibility- you don’t even want to think about what he’d do.

You haven’t been downstairs after sunset since the first night you stumbled into the house. John rather jealously keeps you herded upstairs.

You contemplate what the baby wants for a midnight snack as you cross from the stairs through the living room and into the kitchen.

Chef Boyardee sounds appealing and you don’t care about eating it cold- which is a plus because it’s one less thing for you to do versus something you’d want to eat warm.

The quiet in the house gives you time to come up with stupid fucking ideas like looking out the windows.

By and large you have been leaving them alone. There hasn’t been any sort of conversation about it between you and John, but you feel you’ve got enough of a read on him by now.

The main defense you two have is that the neighborhood is abandoned and there’s nothing special about the outside of the house. If someone happens to be strolling by and sees you moving the curtains in broad daylight- well, that seems like a good way to get your ass chewed on by John. Hence why you’ve left the windows alone.

But it’s nighttime and you’re alone.

The windows at the front of the house are boarded up, but in a slapstick, hurried fashion- there’s large gaps you can peek through as you bring your opened can of ravioli.

The street is deserted which is exactly what you expect. Not so much as a zombie shuffling through.

The neighborhood seems like it was beautiful before the end of the world. The kind of place that you always fantasized about living in.

What a weird way to get what you want.

Your mind wanders, focusing on the practicality of the fact you need to wash your clothes.

When out in the wild and forced to survive how you can, you learned to make do with dirty clothes that were lived in far longer than you prefer. But if you’re going to be cooped up in the house until your little hostage evacuates, it would be a good idea to clean them.

Curious if the backyard already has a clothes line, you carefully peel back the curtain blocking the view-

Only to be greeted with the sight of a zombie standing on the back porch right on the other side of the glass.

Your startle reflex has been trained out of you. There’s no big yelp or jump or dropping your food. Making loud noises like that can get you killed in situations where you might be able to survive if you can sneak away unnoticed.

Safely on the other side of the glass and obstructed by darkness- the zombie cannot see, hear or smell you. He gives no reaction to you, clearly having no knowledge of your existence.

You realize rather quickly that this is Fred, albeit far more gray and decayed than in the photos of him in the house. You wonder what happened to Wilma.

(It’s the goddamn apocalypse so you know statistically what happened, but a macabre curiosity for the details eats at you)

It’s not often (re: ever) that you’re in a situation to just…observe the undead. Always keeping an eye on them, always keeping tabs on what currently holds their attention, but never just a passive observation. They’re always a threat and you’re always trying to figure out how to get by or through them unscathed.

The small flick of you moving the curtain might have initially caught Fred’s attention but without the confirmation that you’re a meal to be devoured he shuffles slowly and moves away from the glass.

He’s caught in the yard, confined by the perimeter fencing. No chance of joining the herd.

You wonder why John hasn’t killed Fred yet. A singular zombie isn’t much of a threat.

Maybe he hadn’t seen Fred? The curtains had been drawn shut when he picked this house and he just kept them that way?

Seems unlikely, but arguably plausible.

You don’t see any sort of established clothing line to dry your clothes after you wash them.

You’re so fascinated by the Fred situation that you’re oblivious to the fact that John’s snoring stops. Or his door opening. Or his pause at the landing, eyes falling to your open door. Or his descent down the stairs and the huff of relief when he lays eyes on you.

You are not oblivious to the way he snarls “What in the devil are you doing?”, closing the distance between the two of you to haul you away from the glass.

The drop of the curtain catches Fred’s attention again but not enough to do more than cast an eerie shadow as he approaches.

“Why is there a zombie in the backyard?!” You keep your voice low as you hiss at John despite acquiescing as he pulls you along back towards the stairs.

“He wasn’t worth the bullet but that was before I realized you were going to go opening doors in the middle of the night!”

“I wasn’t opening the door!” You protest, suddenly aware that this conversation isn’t entirely unlike this morning’s argument when John slipping out in the middle of the night had ruffled your feathers.

“Then what are you doing down here?” He stops at the foot of the stairs, his question answered as his eyes land on the can in your free hand.

“I was eating!” You hold up the can as a beacon of your innocence, not missing the way the agitation on John’s face softens ever so slightly.

You take advantage of the opportunity to pull your arm out of his grasp.

He doesn’t try to wrestle you back into his grip- satisfied with your reasoning and the confirmation you hadn’t gone bat shit insane trying to let zombies into the house in the middle of the night.

In another life, one where the dead stay dead, you think maybe you’d still be able to wrap the captain around your finger and make him fold to your whims as easily as you accept his.

You’re pretty sure, however, that it’s just your delicate state that’s got him yielding to you. That keeping you alive, and ultimately getting you and your baby back to this settlement that he and his group watches over gives a sense of purpose where he’s otherwise aimless, trapped like an animal in a vivarium until he can safely find his way back home.

“Go finish your food,” he tells you firmly- still far more subdued than moments ago.

Again, not unlike this morning when he diffused the argument then.

Both of you are still maintaining your ground, but finding a way to keep the peace- you’re all the other has got in this situation.

He hovers as you make your way back to the kitchen- the moonlit shadow of Fred gone from the curtains, implying he’s aimlessly wandering the yard.

You don’t have much left of it, which is a good thing because eating while being watched just feels weird. You know he wants to drag you by your scruff back up the stairs and situate you for the night.

And that’s exactly what he does after you quickly clean after yourself.

Always with him and the stairs, he guides you up while following behind.

Where he throws you for a loop is when you expect to slink off to your own room, only for you to find one of his arms wrapping around your torso and cutting you off from your intended destination.

“Need to make sure you don’t go sneaking off again,” is all the reason he gives as he herds you towards his bed.

He’s the one who started all this by leaving last night on his own, but you decide to not light that particular candle. You can admit to missing the comfort of sharing a bed, and that the nights have been getting colder as fall begins to give way to winter.

Before the end of the world, you’d be giving this a long hard think. But the rules are different now- the way you interact and mesh with people has changed so drastically. Everything is in the fast lane.

You’re utterly dependent on John. Been at his mercy for days. If he was going to do something, surely he would have done it by now?

So you yield to the arm pressing lightly at your side- a request that while stern is not escalating to a demand.

You let him guide you towards his room.

A wave of exhaustion hits that holds your interest more than the decor of the room- there’s no personal touches or stashes of goodies hidden away. You get yourself situated under John’s watchful eye, and yet somehow it feels weirdly intimate to watch him so you look off at the wall as he gets in.

John stays on his side between you and the door, you stay on yours and if he says anything you don’t hear it. One second you’re blinking at the wall and the next you’re out like a light.

[spideyzgirl]

love’s magic 🪄

A/N: are we feeling this? lmk

summary: you cook up a potion to get peter to fall in love with you; why isn’t he falling for you like he should?

warnings: a lot of sciency talk (i died writing it), witch!reader??? angst, fluff, a tiny tiny bit of stony

pairing: peter parker x reader

wc: 2578

masterlist | taglist

peter enters the lab to find you at your regular spot at your table. you look up and smile upon his arrival. “hi peter, i made love!”

“you did what now?” peters eyebrows shoot up at your statement.

“i made a love potion!” you squealed, holding up a tiny vial filled to the brim with a reddish-pink hue. you shook the vial and watched with pride as the glittery liquid swirled around.

right off the bat, peter had a million questions. none of which he would ask, because he didn’t want to come off as jealous.

“that’s… wow! does it work?” peter forced a smile.

“don’t you see the two rats making out on my desk?” you gesture towards the clear container that sure enough, held smooching rats.

“yes i do, and it’s really unnerving.” peter frowned.

“we should probably turn around and give them some privacy.” you nod.

you shake the vial once again and smile at peter. “well? what do you think? you haven’t said anything yet…”

peter takes it from you to shake it around for himself, watching concoction swish inside. he can feel the jealousy growing stronger. “yeah, it’s cool.” peter gives a small smile, trying his best not to infringe on your achievement.

“just cool? peter, i’ve been through months of trial and error to finally perfect this thing. “cool” is all you have for me? i mean, this is super intense! when consumed, it’ll flood your brain with pleasure inducing chemicals. i’m talking dopamine, oxytocin- any love hormone you can think of. not only does it affect the neurotransmitter process, but it also has a powerful affect on the brains reward system.”

“i have a reward system in my brain? that sounds awesome, what is that? what does it do?” he beamed. peter loves when you get enthusiastic about science. he doesn’t understand half of what you’re saying, yet he listens and nods intently anyway. he adored seeing you so excited about your passion.

“the reward system is what drives us to seek out food, water, and other necessary things for survival. when someone ingests the love potion, the brain starts to recognize the object of their affection as a necessary part of their survival, which causes them to crave that person in a similar way to how they would crave food or water. so, is it still just cool?” you smirk, knowing you’ve piqued his curiosity.

“no, it’s amazing! it’s also kind of scary. i’m really happy you had your breakthrough.” peter offers a smile and looks off to the side.

“but what? i’m open to criticism.”

“well, i’m just wondering who you made it for. you must really like this person, if these are the lengths you’ll go for them…” he scratches his head.

“i made it for me.” you reply simply.

peters heart drops at your answer. “why, are you trying to fall in love or something?” he nervously chuckled.

“i’m already in love. i’m just not so sure he’s in love with me.” you sigh dejectedly.

really, you made it for peter, but you weren’t about to tell him that. you’ve had feelings for him for far too long now, and the need for him to be yours was overbearing. your subtle hints might’ve been too subtle for peter, and you didn’t have a drop of courage for you to be forward either. so you did what you do best.

“you couldn’t have just… talked to him? did you really have to go to such an extreme measure?”

your eyes widen slightly, the tone of his question threw you off. “wait you don’t think this is weird do you?”

“no! i’m just saying, all those months you spent creating a potion could’ve been used to actually talk to this person, you know?”

“i guess you’re right.. maybe i shouldn’t have done this then?” you look at the potion as you think.

“no you totally should’ve! you��ve done something incredible here, don’t be ashamed!”

“no, it’s okay. i know i’m probably way in over my head. but, there’s just so many times you can drop hints to someone so oblivious.” you shrug with a smile.

“who is this idiot anyway? i can’t believe he pushed you to such a point.”

“oh, you know. just a guy. he’s usually not so dumb.” you stifle a laugh as you answer.

“oh come on, i don’t get to know who it is? that’s lame.” he playfully shoved you.

“you’ll find out when we’re together.” you smile in a way that told peter your lips are sealed.

“alright, i’m holding you to that,” he hands you the vial “i’ve gotta run soon, but good luck with your.. guy.”

“thanks,” you pull him into a hug, which he gladly reciprocates. you’re not sure why you did it, but it felt right. you get butterflies when his hand gradually moves to your lower back. you wanted to think he was testing the waters, seeing how far he could get before you stopped him.

“oh god.” peter gasped, his hold on you slightly loosening.

“what? what is it?” you pull away while your hands rest on his forearms.

“the rats are having sex, y/n. why are they doing that?”

“i feel like that’s pretty self explanatory. they don’t call it a love potion for nothing you know.” you wink.

“you didn’t know that would happen, did you?” he laughed.

“nope. i did not. but it’ll be fine! i’m not gonna go that far, if that’s what you’re worried about.” you tried to hide your smile at his concern.

“good. but what if your potion works a little too well? what if this guy can’t control himself? what if he goes so crazy over you he’ll try to hurt you?” peters grip on you tightened as he spoke, you didn’t even know he was still holding on.

“oh, he’d never. he would never hurt me in a million years. there’s nothing to worry about, this is safe, i promise. but thank you for worrying about me.”

“you know i always got you.” and it’s true. peter cares you so much, he’s willing to push you into the arms of another guy if it makes you happy, even if it kills him inside.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

later that night, peter found himself being lured into the kitchen by the sweet smell of freshly baked cookies. just as you set a fresh tray of them on the counter, peter was instantly behind you.

“ooh, cookies? don’t mind if i do!” peter quickly snatches a cookie and bites into it, humming at the delicious taste.

“peter no! those cookies are…” you trailed off, wondering why you were warning him, when the cookies were for him after all. “are… fresh out of the oven! they’re piping hot, don’t you wanna wait for them to cool?” you smile nervously, watching him carefully for any minor changes.

“sorry, i couldn’t help myself. they’re just too good. are they homemade?”

you nod, watching with worried eyes as he shoveled two more into his mouth. “okay, maybe you should slow down? i don’t want you to get a tummy ache..”

“i’ll be alright,” he shrugged. “besides, i’ll have you to take care of me.”

your heart flutters at the statement, and you try your best to hide your smile.

peter frowns slightly and hums. “hey, these kind of taste sparkly.”

“it must be starting to kick in,” you mumble to yourself. “are you feeling alright? come here.” you place your hands on his cheeks on his face to check his temperature, but he feels normal. while you wanted the spell to work, you still wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to hurt him.

“please, just don’t eat anymore cookies? you’ve had more than the necessary amount of doses.”

“doses?” his head slightly fell to the side.

“uh, why don’t we let the cookies cool? i bet they’ll taste even better then.” you ignored him.

“oh, okay. so tell me. what’s the secret ingredient?”

you smile, seizing your opportunity. “love.”

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

it didn’t take long for you to doubt the success of your potion. it should’ve taken effect within the first few minutes consumed. it’d been 4 hours since peter ate the cookies, and you haven’t seen him since.

either the spell wasn’t working, or it killed him.

if the spell was working though, the effects didn't seem to be as powerful as you’d anticipated. you began to wonder if all of your hard work had been for nothing.

“peter, you better be dead,” you huffed as you checked the time on your phone again. “i knew i should’ve tested this on steve and tony.”

then you decided, maybe all hope wasn’t lost. perhaps you needed to put in a bit of effort on your end. you were a bit on the shy side, it wouldn’t hurt to take initiative from time to time.

you texted peter to meet you in your room and in no time, he strolled inside taking a seat by you on your bed.

“what’s up?” he greets you.

“nothing, just look at me.” you stare into his eyes, searching for any hint of interest in you.

peter blinks and rubs his eyes. “shit, i lost. you never let me win.”

“what? we weren’t- you know, what never mind. just come closer.”

peter obliged, and you embraced him in a tight hug. “how does this feel? pretty intimate, right?”

“warm, cozy, everything a y/n hug should be.” he sighed

you groan and let go of him. “so you don’t feel anything at all?”

peter looks at you for a moment and thinks. your heart beats faster. this is it, he’s going to say everything you’ve been dying to hear for the past year.

“well… i’ve had this awful cramp in my calf lately. i’m just not sure what to do. what do you suggest?” he asked simply.

your heart sank. it seemed that all your efforts had been in vain. you spent so much time and energy making this potion, and for what? it didn't seem to have any effect on peter.

“that’s not what i mean! why didn’t it work? i’ve been trying for months!” you rest your forehead on your knees, unable to stop the tears from rolling.

“woah, what’s going on?” peter frowned, placing a hand on your back. but you don’t answer.

you couldn't help but feel defeated. you put so much of yourself into this project, and now it seemed like a complete failure. not only were you unsuccessful with your potion, but the boy you were hopelessly in love with didn’t take even a slight romantic interest in you. the realization was like a punch to the gut.

“what’s it gonna take for you to want me? i’m asking you now, because i can’t seem to figure it out for the life of me! i go as far as making a love potion just to get you to like me and it still won’t fucking work? i can’t do this for much longer! i spent months working on that potion,” you spat out, your voice quivering with rage. “i researched every ingredient, every spell, and every technique. so i would love for you to tell me, what it is about me that repels you?”

you’re almost panting from the anger, though it wasn’t directed towards peter. you wiped at the tears, but they kept coming.

peter was stunned with your outburst. it was definitely a lot to process. selfishly, the only thing he took from that was that you liked him. the same girl he’d been pining after for years was finally reciprocating. peter spent so much time dreaming about this moment but he never thought it would actually happen.

he mouth went ajar as he stammered, failing to form a coherent sentence. you never yelled at him before, he didn’t know how to react. all he could manage was, “you made that potion… for me?”

“yes,” you utter feebly, avoiding his eyes. “but it doesn’t matter anymore. we can just pretend this didn’t happen. my potion didn’t work, and you’re just not into me.”

“no. i can’t do that,” he shook his head, a grin plastered on his face. “not when i finally know you feel the same way about me.”

you look at him, confusion evident on your face.

“i’ve been working up the courage to ask you on a date, but i couldn’t after you told me you were making a love potion for someone else. do you know how much that crushed me?”

“and you didn’t stop me?” you fought a smile.

“i couldn’t. you were so excited about the spell working, about the person you were gonna use it on. i didn’t wanna ruin it for you because i love you.”

“i love you too,” you smile shyly, toying with the bottom of your shirt. “we’re so stupid.”

“no kidding. i can’t believe you made a potion instead of telling me you like me.”

“i can’t believe you told me to go be happy with someone who isn’t you.” you playfully bump into him, and he takes your arm gently, keeping you close.

“you’ll never hear it again.” his eyes are locked on your lips while his other hand delicately grips your chin, pulling you closer and closer until your lips meet.

your eyes flutter shut as you lose yourself in the moment. it was an explosion of sensation, your bodies coming together in a perfect harmony that felt like it had been brewing for months. it wasn't just a kiss, but an emotional release that had been building for years. you couldn't get enough of each other, your lips moving against the others in perfect union.

you both reluctantly pulled apart, breathless, knowing that nothing between you would ever be the same again; you were perfectly fine with that.

“holy shit.” you gasp.

“what happened?”

“i think i know why my potion didn’t work on you. you were already in love with me, so of course it wouldn’t work on you! i’m not a failure after all.”

“of course you’re not. i can’t get those rats out of my mind. i think in pictures, so you can imagine how horrible this is for me.” he shook his head.

you gasp again, standing up so fast you see spots. “i left the cookies out!”

“it’ll be fine. just stay here with me. we need to make up for lost time, don’t you think?” he winked.

“you haven’t figured it out yet? the love potion is in the cookies!”

“wait, are you serious?” he frowned.

you rolled your eyes and dragged him towards the kitchen. you cursed when you found that all of the cookies were gone.

“oh god. this could be bad.” you wince.

just then, steve sprinted through the kitchen with tony hot on his trail. “come back you coward! you can’t escape my love, no matter how fast you run!” tony yelled after him.

peter covered his mouth as he laughed, and your jaw dropped.

“that right there was an immediate call for an antidote.” you immediately turned to leave.

peter looked to the side in horror, to see thor in a full heated make out with his hammer. “please hurry,” he shuddered. “that’s image number three unfortunately seared into my brain today.”

you turn your attention to thor and shrug. “i honestly think that would’ve happened with or without the potion.”

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[girliism]

in which you and tashi go through the trials of ivf.

you and tashi were both career driven women adding a baby in the mix wasn’t something the two of you wanted to do right away, but being married for three years now every time you watched her interact with kids something in you yearned to have one of your own.

pregnancy consumes your mind. it seems like everyone you meet is pregnant or trying and you’re weirdly jealous. “tashi?” she hums at you. “what do think about having a baby?” tashi freezes in the middle of the aisle. now probably wasn’t the best time for this conversation, in the grocery store shopping to restock for the week. “um, i think having a baby would be a lot of work.” tashi stands up straighter and begins pushing the cart again. “yes, but i basically work from home already and we’d have our mothers to help us.” you could see in tashi’s face how hard she was thinking about this. “ok, and how would we get this baby?” you guys were stopped in the pasta aisle. “so glad you asked.” tashi liked when you got excited about things. “there’s of course always adoption but while reading i found this thing called reciprocal ivf. we’d take your egg and put it in my womb so the baby has a biological connection to both of us. tashi i’d be carrying your baby.” you grabbed her hands to hold them in yours getting a little emotional. the look you gave tashi made it easy for her to decide. “ok.” your eyebrows shot up. “ok? ok as in ok we’re going have a baby?” tashi’s nod was all you needed to start bouncing up and down squealing before tashi started to shush you.

you and tashi were at the clinic the following week, having done both your individual check ups it was time to meet with the doctor together. it felt like you had been sitting in that office waiting for the doctor for an eternity. tashi feeling you fidgeting next to her grabs your hand placing a kiss on the back of it then kissing the side of mouth. “i’m nervous.” you mumbled. the doctor walked in causing the two of you to sit up. “good morning ladies how are we today?” good mornings were echoed back to her. “so i’ve taken a look at both of you labs and you’re both very healthy women we should have no problem extracting eggs.” sighs of relief fall from you and tashi as you give each other happy smiles. “you’ve already decided to take the eggs from tashi all you need to do is find a donor our website has a list of all of the registered donor here at the clinic just browse through a give us a call.

later that night you sat on your side of the bed computer in lap as you scrolled through the different men. “oh tash, look what about him?” tashi crawled next to you looking over your shoulder at the computer. “no.” she was quick to deny slipping under the covers next to you. you sigh closing the laptop. “you’ve said that to all the guys i’ve shown.” you turned to face her. “we have to pick someone you know.” tashi just shrugged “i know that but it’s not like we’re ordering a pizza love the man we pick will be fertilizing the egg that will make our baby. it’s already scary enough that he’ll be a complete stranger.” you understood where tashi’s pickiness was coming from you too wanted the best of the best. you ran your fingers through tashi’s hair while she placed kisses on neck inching lower and lower when you gasps sitting upright. “what if we used your friend the cute blonde one.” tashi stopped her kisses. “art? you wanna use my ex boyfriend’s now boyfriend as our sperm donor?” the look tashi gave you was comical. you pushed her onto her back moving your body to straddle hers. “don’t look at me like that i’m serious.” you pouted. “we know art he’s funny, he’s tall, he’s athletic and even if he tries to deny it he’s a great singer come on tashi it never hurts to ask.” you whispered the last part against the skin of her neck sliding your hand up her shirt ghosting over her nipple. “fine i’ll call patrick tomorrow have them over for dinner.” tashi sighs out your mouth meeting hers.

at breakfast you could hear her on the phone with patrick before she hung up. “they’ll be over tonight, don’t forget to ice the good red.” she kissed your forehead then was off to tennis practice. you loved hanging out with art and patrick they were a fun couple despite the weird history between the two of them and your wife you all got along great. “did you guys get a new jacuzzi?” art questioned looking over your backyard that you had recently paid a lot of money to have renovated. you stood next to him “yes! i can’t believe you noticed that.” you and art talked more about the renovation while tashi and patrick fought at the grill over how long the meat should be cooked. “i’m the man here tashi i think know how to cook meat.” tashi gave him the look specially reserved for when men annoyed her. “why is it burning then?” she walked off after that leaving patrick to try and save his burning steak.

the four of you ate outside on the backyard patio. laughter filled the air and it got a little chilly as the sky got darker. patrick refilled his third glass of wine when he realized you hadn’t even had your first. “what’s up with you why aren’t you drinking?” you got quite and tashi cleared her throat. the two of you looked at each other silently asking each other who was gonna address it first. “thats has to do with the reason we asked you guys here on such short notice.” tashi said setting her wine glass down. “we’re trying for a baby and would like to know if art would wanna be our donor.” you blurted out not being able to take the suspension. art let out a sound of surprise before looking over at patrick the two of them now having their own silent conversation. it’s time like these where you wish you could read minds. “you can of course say no.” you added softly playing with the ends of the blanket hanging over your shoulders while tashi’s own hand squeezes your thigh. art downed the rest of his wine signaling for patrick to refill it. “first off congratulations you guys will be great mothers.” you and tashi give him small smiles. “i’m surprised you would even consider me for something thing like this but i’d be honored to be your donor.” you don’t know when tear stated forming in your eyes but they finally fall and tashi is pulling you into her arms pressing kisses on the side of your face. “we’re gonna be uncles!” patrick beats his hands rhythmically one the table and you can’t contain the happy sobs that break through.

after art was cleared with your doctor his sperm count being high and health all he had to do was jizz in a cup, a process patrick was more than happy to help with. you had to wait for yours and tashi’s cycles to sync before the transfer could happen and when it did the days after that felt like everything was moving in slow motion. “we’ll take the test tonight, i’ll bring home two.” tashi said standing next to her car. she was on her way to practice. “ok” you whispered. tashi kissed you wanting to take all your worry away. “everything’s gonna be ok.” she rested her forehead against yours. you nodded giving her one last kiss before letting her drive away.

getting work done that day was nearly impossible all day long you constantly watch the clock waiting till tashi gets back with the pregnancy test. you were standing in front of the mirror hands moving over your flat stomach when you heard the front door open. tashi appeared in the bathroom door way a plastic bag in hand drink in the other. “ready to drink your weight in sunny d?” you couldn’t help but giggle at the reference. you and tashi sat with your backs against the tub staring at the two test on the counter. the loud ringing from your phones timer rips through the room. two minutes was up. “do you wanna flip it or should i?” and for the first time since starting this process you heard the nervousness laced in tashi’s voice. “you can.” you whispered back. tashi took a deep breath before turning over the test. you couldn’t see anything so the gasp tashi let out could be either good or bad. “oh my god.” her voice was breathy. “what tashi? what is it, what does say.” your heartbeat picking up. then tashi turned around showing you the test and right there big and bold was the word PREGNANT. “we’re gonna be mommies!” tashi grabbed your face kissing you but you were still in a daze not believing you were actually pregnant like a baby was growing inside you at that very moment. “we’re gonna be mommies.” you whispered eyes welling up. “we’re having a baby and we’re gonna be mommies.” you said louder jumping up and down smiling as happy tears slipped down yours and tashi’s face. tashi’s laughs mix perfectly with yours as you guys dance around in the bathroom. “you know i love you so much.” you threw your arms around tashi. “i think i already beat you too that.” she kisses your nose.

the two of you decided to wait till you were out of the first trimester to tell people. you told both your parents first then art and patrick. you were mentally prepared for the morning sickness and sore boobs that came with pregnancy but what caught you off guard was how horny you got. “come on tashi please we can be quick.” kissing under her jaw. “we have an appointment love. can’t you wait til after.” you really really couldn’t. “need you now.” your pout and puppy eyes and the whiney please you gave tashi had her on her knees face in between your legs.

“ready to find out the sex?” the doctor looks over to you and tashi. there was an on going bet about wether it was gonna be a boy or girl everyone was convinced it’d be a boy. “it’s a girl.” the doctor announced. you laugh “i knew it.” you stare at the screen the showed the baby inside you moving around.

the rest of your pregnancy was smooth, tashi absolutely doted on you, messaging your feet, bringing you whatever late night craving you got but the closer you got to your due the more she stuck to your side. “i just wanna be there when your water breaks.” but she wasn’t there. she had left you at your parents house to go on a grocery store run when it broke. “uh, mom i think my water just broke.” the look on your mothers face would have made you laugh but the contractions were causing you to wince in pain. the whole ride to the hospital was filled with your mom yelling at your dad to drive faster.

it felt like you were in the hospital room for hours. your voice turning raw from screaming, tashi’s hand slowly losing feeling from how hard you were squeezing it but still she made sure to tell you how good you were doing. after a few really good pushed a loud high pitched cry could be heard throughout the room. you daughter was finally born. you strained your neck trying get a look at her while the nurses cleaned her up. “congratulations she’s beautiful.” a tiny baby girl was placed in your arms. happy tears fell from yours and tashi’s eyes. “she’s so small.” tashi whispered her finger lightly stroking your daughters red cheek. “hi lily.” you greeted her when she opened her eyes for the first time, her big brown eyes catching yours.

(cheesed so much while writing this.)

[gay-wh0re-slut]

When I say angst I mean I’ve read all of your work twice and it’s sooooo good

I need it

OOOHHHHH!!! thank you so so much then! lemme think lemme think!! i hope this one will suit your needs hehe but i’m gonna do just angst w happy ending no smut bc i’m afraid i’m repeating myself so enjoyyy

Just Lovely

rhea x fem!reader

content: just angst, but happy ending! with a kiss probably!

The Feud, everyone called it. You and Rhea had hated each other since the minute you met. Unfortunately, you had some matches against her but the chemistry or lack of made for a good show, so they kept scheduling you to fight. You hated it. You always wanted to stay professional though, so you didn’t want to actually hurt her in the ring, just her ego. You were the complete opposite of her style, girly, flowery, pastels, but you became a heel for her only. Everyone ate it up.

Without requesting, the PA’s would make sure that you were on the completely opposite side of the locker room or in different ones entirely depending on the venue. Neither of you were sure why you hated each other but you didn’t have the will power to figure it out.

One day, the producers told you that you needed to fix the feud for the storyline. You refused of course and you assumed she did too.

“The people want to see the two of you kiss and makeup, essentially,” they said.

“I would rather never see her again, to be honest with you,” you fired back.

“Unfortunately, that can’t happen.”

“Unless she comes to me herself and says that she wants to, which I doubt she will with that big head of hers, I will not ‘kiss and makeup’ for the sake of the story line,” you cross your arms.

The men sighed as they nodded and walked away.

“Do I really have a big head?” the annoying accent said behind you.

You’re kidding, you thought. You turn around with your jaw clenched, rolling your eyes, “you win every match, how can you not?”

“Guess they asked you to play nice, huh?” she walked towards you.

You put your hand up to stop her from coming any closer, “yes.”

She stopped right at your hand, centimeters from her chest. You pull your hand away immediately, what was that about, you thought as your stomach turned.

“And what if I did want to stop ‘the feud’, would that be so bad?” she smiled.

“You’ve hated me the moment I got signed, why would you change now?”

“For the fans…everything I do is for them,” she sounded sincere, but you couldn’t help rolling your eyes.

“Oh shut up, you’re here because you bring in the big bucks, not because of-”

“Don’t start,” she growled.

“Did I pinch a nerve?” you pouted.

“I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them,” she admitted.

You felt a soft spot forming for her but you pushed it down, “I don’t have time for this, I have the first match,” you walk away.

The show came and went, but you couldn’t stop thinking about her. She consumed your thoughts, she made you shake and see red anytime you thought of her. It was exhausting, honestly. Part of you wanted to stop this whole thing so that you could rest but it brought you more fame, and unfortunately you wouldn’t be where you are without The Rhea Ripley.

“Hey…uhm, Rhea wants to see you,” the PA was nervous, “I can tell her no, no problem, though she is pretty scary but I can do it.”

“Did she tell you what she wanted?” you were packing your bag.

“N-no, I didn’t get that far,” they were wringing their hands.

You sigh not wanting to scare them more, “It’s okay,” you reassure, “where is she?”

“In locker room 12.”

“Thank you,” you gave a weak smile and walked out of the locker room. You heard them sigh with relief behind you.

So you started making your way across the arena, it felt like. You racked your brain to figure out what she could possibly want. Does she actually want to go through with this? Does she have an ultimatum? Does she want to beat the shit out of me? All these thoughts ran through your head.

You knocked on the door and let yourself in without a response.

“Glad to see you got the stick out of your ass to come here,” she snickered.

“What do you want, Rhea?” you stood just inside the door with your hands on your hips wanting this to be over as soon as possible.

“To talk,” she gestured to the chair, “Is that okay?”

You squinted at her to try to figure out the game she was playing. You stood for a good minute before you decided to sit. You threw your duffle beside the chair as you sat down. You crossed your legs and your arms as you leaned back.

“Thank you,” she sat across from you leaning herself on her knees.

“Psh,” you rolled your eyes.

“About the storylin-” she started.

“I already said no,” you interrupted.

“And I would much rather not do it either, but I’m trying to be the bigger person here, princess,” she mocked.

Your stomach turned again, “For a heel, you’re too nice sometimes, you know that?”

“It’s a curse…anyway,” she leaned back, “I think we should do it.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ll get more attention. In turn, getting more of the women involved, and you know how we’ve been treated,” she seemed to be quite nice but somehow it made you dislike her more.

“I guess so,” you started to swing your leg, “what’s in it for you? There’s always a catch.”

“When has there ever been a catch with me?”

“Oh c’mon, you can’t be anywhere without your puppy dog Dom following you around on and off screen. He brings you more attention than you could on your own,” your tone was pointed.

“Don’t bring Dom into this, this isn’t about him,” she leaned herself back towards you with a point before leaning back again.

“Whatever,” you turn your head away.

“There is no catch, I’m serious. This would be better for both of us.”

You let that sit in the air for a moment before she spoke again.

“Why do you hate me so much?” her voice was small.

You looked back towards her rubbing your tongue over your teeth before you opened your mouth, “I don’t want to get into this,” you start to stand up.

“Please,” she grabbed your wrist.

You’re shocked at her reaction, your stomach turning again. You ripped your hand away from her grip. You stood for a moment contemplating whether or not you should tell her the truth or make something up. So you decide to ask, “Do you want the TV answer or the truth?”

She shrugged as she gestured towards you, letting you choose. She leaned back once more.

You look at your phone for the time, unfortunately it wasn’t as late as you thought it was so that excuse was out. “Fine,” you didn’t sit back down though. “I hate you because I can’t beat you.”

She chuckled, “You’re serious?”

“…Yes.”

“You’re lying. Now I want the truth, because that was obvio-”

“Please shut up,” you rest your head in your hand. You look back at her as she’s smirking, your heart begins to beat faster, “I- yeah, no I can’t do this right now. We have a plane to catch tomorrow.”

You grab your bag and head for the door. Somehow she beats you to it and closes it, basically pinning you to the door. Your breath hitched and your stomach turned. Only now did you realize that it wasn’t sickness, it was butterflies, dammit.

“I want to know. I want to know what I did wrong so I can fix it. If I hurt you, I’m sorry. I’m tired of fighting off camera, you’re the only person who seems to not like me and I want to know why…please,” she admits.

Your breathing was heavier and you didn’t have much air left. You ducked under her arm and went back to the chair leaning your hands on the back of it. She turns to face you, not getting closer.

“Fuck…Damn it,” you said under your breath, “fine!” you threw your hands up in surrender. You were tired of fighting too, you guessed now would be the time to tell her because obviously you didn’t have to balls to start the conversation. “I’m jealous of you.”

“What?”

“I’m jealous of you! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Well…no,” she leaned against the door with her arms crossed.

“Well, I am. You’re so popular, and strong, and your fans absolutely adore you, they’d do anything for you. You get everything you want here and more! It’s ’Monday Night Mami’ for crying out loud,” your face was red and you could feel the tears starting to form but you pushed them back.

She let you continue.

“Even Triple H loves you, the writers love you, everyone loves you. I get jack shit when I walk into the ring. I’ve tried everything to get people to like me, I’m the girly girl who hates you because we’re complete opposites,” a single tear fell down your face, “I’m tired of being compared to the other girls. I don’t know how you do it. So I’m jealous okay, that’s why I… don’t like you.”

She stared at you for a minute before she grabbed a tissue from the box on the counter and handed it to you.

“And you’re too nice,” you added.

“Well that I can vouch for but the rest?” she lifted your chin to wipe the tear away, “I worked my ass off to get here, that’s why people love me I like to believe. Nothing was handed to me though it may seem like it. Like I said earlier, everything I do is for my fans, seriously, if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be pushing myself to be better.”

“God this is embarrassing,” you sniff.

“It isn’t, I’m glad you’re telling me,” she rubbed your shoulder.

You gave her a weak smile before brushing off her hand and stepping away from her, “that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to change the storyline.”

“Not even for one match?”

“No,” you crumble up the tissue, “being mean to you on camera is too fun,” you giggled.

“Right,” she sighed dramatically, “it would be a shame if we became best friends and won the tag team titles though.”

“Don’t dangle that in front of me,” you point.

“The writers love a redemption arc,” she kept going.

“Stop it,” you begin to smile.

“Or maybe, we could kiss and makeup on camera for our next match instead of fighting?” she swayed towards you.

“W-we could do that,” the butterflies in your stomach were sprinting. Her eyes were filled with hunger, her stance was powerful.

“Or,” you hoped this was her last suggestion, “we could kiss and makeup right here?” she brushed a strand behind your ear.

You backed away, “What?”

“Oh, c’mon, you don’t think the jealousy was a cover up for the crush you have on me? Even subconsciously?” she smirked.

“I do not have a crush on you,” you lied.

“So if I did this,” she cupped your cheek, “You don’t feel anything?”

Your face got hot and heart beat faster than it ever has before, “Nope,” you lie again.

“Well,” she dropped her hand, “That’s a shame. We could’ve been WWE’s It couple,” she sighed.

“D-Do you have a crush on me?” you asked surprised at your realization.

“No, I just wanted to mess with you,” running her hands through her beautiful jet black hair, you watched as her arms muscles tensed and released with every movement, “yes I have a crush on you, idiot.”

You shook yourself from your gaze, “Are you serious?”

“I don’t care if people hate me,” she scoffed, “but I do care if I hurt somebody, so that part was true. I didn’t want you to hate me because I don’t hate you.”

“I’m so confused right now,” you rub your eyes, “what do you mean you have a crush on me?”

“I. Like. You,” she took a step closer to you with every word. “It’s not hard to understand.”

“But I’ve been so mean to you.”

“I like a mean girl every once in a while,” she smirked. She was now standing in front of you looking down into your eyes. You weren’t much shorter than her but enough to where it made your knees weak.

You couldn’t say anything, you were in shock.

She lifted your chin again to make full eye contact with you, “Now, can I kiss you or no?”

You slowly nodded your head.

“You sure?”

You nodded your head more seriously this time.

She cupped your face with both hands and brought her lips to yours. Fireworks went off in your head, you couldn’t believe this was happening. Your lips danced against hers perfectly as your hands brought her waist into yours. Your heads tilting in sync, from one side to the other, you didn’t want to let go.

Sadly, she let go, “so,” she breathed, “my room or yours?”

[wild-lavender-rose]

I’ll Come Back

Pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x fem!reader

Category: One-shot

Summary: When your best friend Bradley is called back to Top Gun, you fear that you’ll never see him again. It’s that fear that prompts you to reveal a secret you’ve kept from him for years...

Warning: Steamy kissing, brief mention of drinking, mild language

A/N: This is so all over the place and doesn’t really flow very well, but I don’t feel like tinkering with it and thought I would just go ahead and post. Enjoy!

     “I don’t understand.” Bradley shook his head at you. “I’ve left a million times,”

     “But not like this. You’ve never been called back to Top Gun.” You stared at him, willing him to listen. “This is different and you know it.” 

     “How? Every mission has a risk, it’s part of the job,” 

     “But not like this!” You growled and turned away, running an anxious hand through your hair. “Look, I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I think...I think you should break your leg or, or just, I don’t know! Just don’t go.”

     “Honey, that’s not how the military works.” Bradley smirked, causing your anger at his ignorance to burn. He was always doing that, teasing you, calling you pet names, pretending that the two of you were still kids. But you weren’t kids anymore. This, Bradley’s mission, was big and scary and you didn’t want him to go.

      But Bradley just didn’t seem to understand. “You’re acting childish.” 

     “Bradley,” you squeezed your eyes shut against the overwhelmed tears rising within you. 

     “It’s only three weeks, then I’ll come back and you’ll have someone to call at three am when you’re drunk at the bar or god knows where,” 

     “Bradley, stop.” 

     “What then? What do you want from me?”

     “I can’t.” 

     “You can’t what?!” 

     “I can’t lose you!” You whirled to face him, anger and pain overriding your fear as the tears finally began to fall. “You’re not going, it’s not happening, I can’t lose you.” 

     Bradley stared at you, the words hanging in the air between you. His eyes widened. “Honey,” 

     “No! No, this is not up for debate. You’re not going and I don’t care,” the secret was coming, rising to the surface, threatening to spill out into the world. “You’re not going, it’s not happening, I can’t lose you.” 

     “Baby.” 

     “Tell them that you can’t fly this mission, tell them it’s impossible.”

     “Baby,” Bradley crossed the space between you and touched your arm. 

     “No!” You jerked away and looked up at him, choking back a sob. “I love you, okay? I love you and your stupid smirk and your stupid mustache and I love how every time I shut you out you always come back for more. I love you, you dumb jerk! And I couldn’t live if you didn’t, you didn’t-,” you cut yourself off with a cry of pain. 

     “Stop it, honey, stop.” Bradley pulled you into your arms and kissed you deep and hard. The kind of kiss that consumed all other thought. You slid your hand through his hair and pulled him closer, closing your eyes as you kissed back. 

     Bradley’s hands slid around your waist and pressed his body against yours. His tongue slipped into your mouth and you allowed him entrance, desperate to get close. Desperate to do anything. Stay, you thought. Stay stay stay. 

     You tugged at his hair. Bradley groaned and picked you up, head tilting back as he wrapped your legs around him just above his waist. You broke the kiss and gasped for air. Bradley supported your back as you grasped at his shoulders, peppering your face with kisses as you forced your breathing to slow and the tears to stop. 

     “I love you too.” He whispered. 

     “Please don’t leave.” 

     Bradley looked up at you like he was memorizing your face. His eyes searched yours, desperate and torn and ready to become consumed by you again and not come up for air. You touched his neck, his jaw, his scars, his hair. It was so new, so warm, so perfect. You couldn’t lose this. 

     “Three weeks.” Bradley nodded. “Three weeks, then I’m coming back.”  

     “And then?” 

     “Then I’m going to ask my girl out,” he eased you back to the ground. “And I’m gonna pray that she finally says yes.” 

     “Promise you’ll come back.” You slid your arms around him. “Promise this won’t be your last mission.” 

     “I promise, baby.” Bradley kissed the top of your head. “I promise. I’ll come back.” 

     You stretched up to bump your forehead against his. “I love you.” You breathed. 

     “I love you so much.” Bradley wrapped you up tight in his arms. “You know how I know I’ll come back?” 

     “Because you’re a good pilot.” 

     “That, and, I’ve got someone to come back home to.” 

     You squeezed your eyes shut against the tears and held him back with everything inside you, willing yourself to believe him. 

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[urimaginarygirlfriend]

hey marie!! how are you my love??

i miss you xx 🫂💗

hiii manny!!

i miss you too, i’m sure you’ve seen me subtly stalking your page every few days. i’ve got my first uni class starting on wednesday and i’m very nervous but also very excited. it’s an intro latin class and while i’m typically terrible with languages, i feel this will be different. no one here is studying classics but i am and i feel like i’ve already isolated myself.

also, i find it hard to eat 3 meals a day. just being on campus for the weekend has proven to me that i’d rather be productive or entertained than get up and eat a meal. it is very scary as someone whose always had body issues but never an ed. i don’t want uni to be the place where it starts (as much as i pretend to). i’ve bought some snacks to keep in my dorm but i also have tea and i’m worried it’s too effective at curbing hunger.

and finally, i’ve been thinking a lot about my art and my existence as an artist in general. i want to commit to being an artist. since i decided not to go to film school or study literature, i have to be serious if i ever want to be noticed. write and create obsessively as if i’d die without it. and i think following other artists on social media has been hurting me. because i just consume their content without creating any of my own. in joana rakoff’s memoir “my salinger year,” she works as literary agent. she spends so much time reading other people’s work that she forgot she was a writer herself. that’s slowly happening to me, in some weird way.

and i feel discouraged because no one is noticing me. not even my ‘so-called’ friends! they don’t watch my videos, they don’t read my short stories, and they sure as hell don’t watch the play that i took a lot of time recording and uploading so it’d be accessible. i feel like i’m doing all i can and just nothing is working. i’m a tree falling in a forest when no one is around…

i hope to submit to some literary magazines and screenplay/playwriting contests before the end of the year. maybe make another short film too that no one will watch. idk i just don’t know how to not stagnate. i know success isn’t overnight but i look at big creators and it feels like theirs is. or at least, they had some fans at the beginning. i’m literally starting from nothing.

i got accepted into a film program at the uni of edinburgh that only accepts 20-ish students per year. they wanted to take a chance on a weird american girl making weird art. i had to say no, but they chose me. before i clicked that reject button, i was someone. i was smart and cool and creative and worth something. they looked at me and thought i could go far with only a bit of guidance. now, i’ve got nothing. i’m an idiot with a camera in one of the worst cities in the whole US and i’m rotting away my life. do i still have the chance to be someone if there’s no one looking?

sorry if this got too deep and you didn’t read to the end. i’ve been writing about this in my diary for months with no one to tell because i wasn’t sure anyone cared. but i’m sure you care… right?

[arachnixe]

A Doll's Doubts

In a reality in decline, crumbling, decaying, nearly gone, one last island holds out for a while longer against the erosion of everything.

Once there was a whole world here.

Once there were stars overhead.

Once there was night and day and a sun and a sky for it all.

All that remains on the island is some picked-through ruins, a crudely built table, two seats, a mismatched tea set, and an assortment of flotsam that drifted to shore.

Two figures sit there, enjoying their tea party: a doll with star-stained hands and her favorite skeleton.

Their cups are empty, but neither one is much for actually consuming anything anyway. Nevertheless, the doll brings a cup to her lips periodically as she meanders from topic to topic. The skeleton remains silent and still, but the doll is chatty enough for both of them.

“…and that’s the tale of the Scary Spider Who’s Actually Really Nice!

“That’s a really good story, Dolly. I liked the part where all the dolls lived happily ever after.

“Thank you! I’m glad you liked it. This next one is, uh…”

The doll looks around her for inspiration, peering into the chaotic uncolor noise of the sea surrounding them on all sides.

There is no horizon to look out toward anymore. The sea of Unreality extends in an unbroken line outward and upward into what used to be the sky.

It’s not that she quite sees shapes in the hiss and roil of everything that Isn’t, but sometimes her mind makes a pattern where none exists, and that is enough inspiration to draw upon for her storytelling.

There isn’t much else to do here, after all.

Today, however, something finally shifts inside her, and she finds she cannot push aside her worry.

“It’s coming closer, huh, Miss? What happens when it reaches us?”

“I don’t know, Dolly.”

The doll falls into uncharacteristic silence.

“You always used to know everything.”

Hands twist the makeshift tablecloth in front of her.

“But nowadays I do all the talking for you, and it’s not the same.”

“How so?”

“I don’t even know how much of what you say is really you, and how much is only pretend while you’re just a grumpy skellybones sitting there.”

“I love you, Dolly.”

“Do you really? Or…is that what I want to believe? You never said those words to me when you were alive!”

“I did not feel that way while I was alive. I was not kind to you. You deserved better.”

“Miss, I…”

“You rescued me from profound loneliness. You did not have to. I did not earn that loyalty, and I must strive to repay it.”

The skeleton who was once her witch does not move or speak, but there is a feeling that her words echo something alive inside it.

“You really are in there, aren’t you, Miss?”

“Of course, Dolly! I’ve been your best friend since you found me again!”

“So…what do we do?”

“You’re the witch now, Dolly. You’ve got all the power, and I’m just a skeleton. It’s gotta be up to you.”

“Oh…well, if I’m the witch, then…” Dolly ponders, hand to chin. “A witch has gotta have a doll, right? That’s the first thing.”

“Oh yes, definitely!”

“And that means I need ingredients. Hmmm…”

She moves to the collection of things that have drifted to them over time.

Dolly sifts through the pile of mostly incomprehensible odds and ends from beyond reality. Much of it is in materials beyond her life’s experience, in shapes that defy her understanding.

Eventually, she discovers a single large slab of ordinary-looking wood.

“Miss, you can teach me how to turn this into a doll, right?”

“Of course! I’m really good at dolls. I made you, after all, and you’re the very best doll!”

“Okay, but I’m a witch now too, don’t forget!”

“I won’t, Dolly. And if you put my bones in the doll you make, then I can be your doll too!”

“Oh gosh! That will be so much fun! We can do all kinds of stuff together then, huh?”

“Yeah!”

“Like…tea parties. And telling stories, and, and… Maybe fixing the world so we can still be together for a really long time?”

“Or cracking what’s left of this reality open and slipping through to another one.”

“Oh! You always know what to do, don’t you, Miss!”

[justaaveragereader]

The Eight Evil Thoughts // OT8

Part 3: Envy

You were a firm believer that when you died you were bound to go to heaven…but what happens when you get casted straight down to hell. Before kneeling before the most famous evil thought/leader you run into the other evil thoughts along the way.

“Never underestimate the power of jealousy

and the power of envy to destroy.

Never underestimate that.” - Oliver Stone

🏔️ Pair: Reader x ????

🏔️Genre: Angst, Thriller, Possible Yandere, Suggestive, Slight Religion Talk, Cursing

🏔️Word Count: 4.1k

🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️

Tossing the apple in the air you continue your journey within the labryinth. Deciding to just give up you sit on the ground. Leaves crunching underneath you as you sit. Tossing your loser apple in the air to help pass the time. While trying to come up with any thoughts of how you are going to get out of here. Your last two visits, Mingi and Jongho, were a complete bust.

“I have to pass the rest of these. There is no room for failure now.”

Exhaustion slowly starts to take over you, eyes shutting while you grip the apple Jongho chucked at you. The apple felt like the only thing keeping you grounded like everything was a fever dream, the apple was your reality check, that it all was happening. This was all real.

Letting your thoughts come to a screeching halt you drift off. Sleep now fully consuming your body, a belly full of the apples from Jonghos orchard.

🏔️ 🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️

You feel a wet soft object touch your face. The wetness throws you off, eyes flashing open ready to fend off what or whoever is deciding to disrupt your sleep. You move quickly to sit up, hand clutching the apple tightly.

Right before you is a small light brown dog with small white dots for eyebrows, its underside is completely white while its top half is a caramel brown color. Eyeing it closer…you are hesitant but hold your hand out so it can sniff you. Nudging its head forward in your hand like it’s signaling you to pet it. You decide to run your hand over the top of the dogs head, shocked completely that this dog, cute and innocent looking, would be down here in a place like this.

Tucking your apple into your side so the dog wouldn’t eat it. You bring your other hand up, squishing the dogs face together while petting it.

“Well how are you good boy? Who’s a good boy?” You repeat while cooing at the animal in front of you that looks so happy. Checking to see if the dog belongs to anyone you pull at the small collar around the dogs neck.

“Shiber?”

The dogs ears perk up at its name being called.

“Are you Shiber? Well, aren't you adorable Shiber!”

Continuing to coo at the cute dog in front of you. Rubbing its belly, the dog was just a big ball of love. This felt like the most human thing, the most normal interaction you had since you’ve been down here. Nothing was off about the dog; it looked like a normal dog. Getting lost in the affection and love for the dog. You hear a whistling noise. Shibers ears perk up. Assuming that this was the owner signaling for the dog to return, you brush your hand across the dogs head one more time.

“Come on boy, let's find your owner.”

Brushing your pants off while standing up, grabbing the apple. You notice Shiber is wagging its tail excitedly.

“Show me that way. Let’s go boy!.”

The dog happily starts trailing in front of you. Taking you through a heavily wooded area. It’s like you are on the edge of the woods. Nothing but dark trees and dead leaves are all that’s around you. Worried, you start to slow down. Shibber senses you aren’t walking anymore. Turning around to look at you he lets out a small bark.

“No can do buddy. I’ve had my share of scary places already.”

Letting out a small whimper noise giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes you’ve ever seen.

“No. No. No…please come on. Don’t do this to me.” You whine out to the dog, the eyes tugging at your heart.

“Don’t do this please. You don’t understand the days I’ve had down here. Come on..!”

You whine to the dog who is proceeding to let out sad whimpers at you. Ears laying flat on his head head. Big sad eyes looking up at you. Letting out a groan you proceed forward.

Dead branches smacking you in the face, dead leaves in your hair, trying to not stumble on the dead roots on the ground. Putting so much focus into trying not to injure yourself you realize you have made it to the edge of the wooded area. Picking the dead leaves out of your hair with frustration.

“You know this is against my morals!”

You look down, eyeing the dog. Letting out a small groan of frustration. You decide to look around at your new surroundings.

“Wow…”

You are rendered speechless. You are surrounded by small house like pets from dogs all the way to small goldfish.

“It’s like a pet store here..”

You think out loud, still stunned by what is all in front of you almost missing the whistling noise that sounds off. This time it is much closer to you. Shiber nudges his head against your ankle knocking you out of your awe like state, looking down you rub your hand over his head.

“Alright boy, lead the way.”

Giving the dog a small smile, proceeding to follow behind him. Passing by so many animals…You had never seen so many animals in your life it was like being in a small zoo. Birds, fish, cats, you had even seen a snake just hanging out in a tree looking like it was resting. Following aimlessly behind this dog, it was like your feet were on auto pilot again. Everything was so amazing to you, you were being wrapped into the scenery.

“Ah..Shiber I see you’ve brought company!”

Coming to a screeching halt, body completely freezing, whipping your head to look at the person in front of you. His features were sharp, with a big brightening dimpled smile, about the same height as Jongho, and solid gold eyes, no pupil.

Shiber makes his way towards the young man before you. Rubbing his head against the mans pants leg. Wagging his tail excitingly. You knew right away this was his owner. He had such a comforting aurora but that ick like feeling was scratching at the back of your head. Screaming in warning but yet you could not fight the feeling you got seeing this solid gold eye man grin at you.

“I’- I’m sorry..I didn’t mean to enter your space without permission…I just wanted to make sure h-he got back to his owner…”

You say silently while letting a small smile creep on your face…eyeing the man closely.

“Nonsense! You are fine. Shiber has a tendency to play by his own rules, don’t you Shiber?”

He says while rubbing behind the dogs ears. You feel a sudden ick, upset he’s showing so much love and attention towards the dog yet you try to shake that feeling. He looks at the dog with so much love. You find it hard to believe a sweet man like this could be trapped down here. Yet you are still on guard, trying not to fall into any traps set up for you. You cannot afford to fail again.

“Are all these animals..yours?”

Letting another big dimple smile across his face he looks up at you, solid gold eyes boring into your own. Your brain is on high alert, it’s like it is screaming once again at you to get out of there but the way this man is smiling at you it’s hard to leave. Your heart is persuading you to stay. Your body feeling insecure the more he looks at you yet so fulfilled that he’s even glancing your way.

“Why yes they are! Have you taken a look around at them? If not, you should! They are the most gorgeous animals you’ll ever see.”

Getting lost in his smile you shake your head in a nodding motion. At a loss for words, there is so much you want to say but it’s like you are short circuiting. Feeling something brush against your leg, you look down. It’s by far the cutest cat you’ve ever seen.

“That’s Byeol, she’s quite friendly.”

Squinting slightly you see in the left eye of the man his solid gold eye is starting to slightly turn a green like color. Your brain now feels like it’s sounding off an alarm, bells, whistles are going off in your head yet you can’t get your body to move your heart is swooned. Bending down you rub your hand over the cats back. Shocked by how soft she is.

“Wow! She’s so soft! You must take very good care of her!”

He lets out a small laugh. This left eye slowly goes back to being fully gold. A big smile appears on his face, blush dusting his cheeks. He kicks slightly at the grass in a shy manner. Slightly shrugging his shoulders.

“I mean yea..I try.”

Smiling brightly through every word he says. Byeol and Shiber both seem to really like you. His eye once again starts slightly turning green. Feeling goosebumps litter your spine. Your brain once again feels like it’s yelling at you, calling you an idiot.

Bending down now fully crouching to scratch the cat, the apple Jongho threw at you falls out of your pocket, rolling right in front of the mans feet.

That’s when you hear it. The scribbling noise. You heard it with Mingi, you heard it with Jongho, now you are hearing it with this man. Slowly moving your hand off of the cat. You look up at the dimpled man before you. Cautiously standing up from your crouching position, noticing that one of his eyes is fully green. Standing fully..leaving the cat fully purring below you, walking in between your feet.

“You are one of them…. aren’t you?”

The man is just staring hard at the apple on the ground. Staring at it so hard you would think he could light it on fire just by his gaze.

“Where did you get this?”

Your eyes grow slightly in size. His voice sounds nothing like how it sounded just moments ago. He lets out a low chuckle. Suddenly it feels like everything around you had froze, the cat no longer is purring below you. Out of your peripheral vision you see Shiber whimpering with his ears close to his head like he is afraid. A sinister smile graces his face.

“Where did you get this apple?”

Now fully scared you slowly back away..putting as much distance between you and the mystery man as you can. Eyes darting around looking for any sign of what the name to this man could be. Whoever he is has had no effect on you so he must not be as powerful as the others you’ve come across. Eyes still dancing around you glance back towards Shiber. There it is! There is a board with his name on it. Slightly stretching your neck to see the name.

“I’m going to ask once more…and once more only…Where did you get this apple?”

Nervously you bite your lip. Goosebumps are now littering your whole body. Fight or flight is now in full gear. You could just turn around, run away but you are too frightened to move. Fear is nipping away at you. Everything is still so still, so quiet around you. All the animals you had been hearing earlier are no longer making any noise, like they never existed. Shrinking back into standing up straight, as curious as you are to figure out who he is, your body is quivering with anxiety which is taking over.

“From Jongho…”

You say through a whisper.

The man lets out a sick cackle. One eye is now fully dark green while the other is sparkling gold. His grip on the apple now is so tight you see his knuckles are now turning white. He’s now laughing so hard he’s bent over his face almost touching his knees like he is caving in on himself.

“Can you just give the apple back to me please..?”

Continuing his hysterical laughter, gold and green tears are running down his face, smacking the ground. One hand on his chest like he’s trying to catch his breath. You can almost taste the uneasiness, the ick now running up your spine.

“Sir please..I just want it back..”

You slightly take a step towards him, hand slowly coming out to pat his back, to show him you mean no harm and you are here for peace, no other problems.

“You want your filthy apple…he’s never once given me an apple. He’s never even let me in the orchard so you tell me..what makes you so special?”

He whispers through a raspy voice. Full on standing up, you swore he had grown in height. Jerking his body back, catching your hand before it can even grace his body.

“What makes you so special huh?! What do you have that I don’t?! You think I want your stupid apple?!”

“I-..I don’t..it’s not..it’s nothin-.”

“I’ve been down here with him since forever! I’ve asked to go multiple times, no invite and here you show up, getting to frolic through the orchard!”

“Please the apple..I just want it back”

You step back now noticing both eyes are pouring with tears. It’s like whiplash with him. He’s a whole different person than he was moments ago. It’s reminding you of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, two sided coin. No longer having the bright smile grace his face. Green and gold tear stains are littered across him, eyes holding so much insecurity, pain, and hurt. Holding out the apple in his hand, locking eye contact with you.

“If I can’t have it…no one can!”

He closes his hand in a tight fist causing the apple to burst. Apple chunks fly everywhere, some smacking your lower legs, other pieces flying towards Shiber who was as still as a statue. That’s when you felt it. The feeling of jealousy pins your body. It comes in palpitations, your heart feels like it’s going to turn sour. Letting out a shriek.

“How could you do this!? You insecure asshole! You couldn’t handle the fact he gave the apple to me and not to you?! But you knew of him prior I had to wander to find him! You had it all laid out for you! Look around you have everything that I want! It’s perfect here!”

Falling on your knees. Throwing your hands over your mouth. Eyes growing in shock you can’t believe you even had said that.

Silence is all you hear.

Before your eyes can rake their way up to look at the two colored eye man…you spot the board with the gold encrusted writing.

Envy.

Eyes growing wide once again.

“Green with envy.”

Your eyes flicker up to his face. He looks down upon you. Like you’re scum, like you are the small thing in this world built up of garbage. Green eye piercing your soul, or what’s left of it. Cause as you know your humanity is slipping right through your fingers, into his hands.

“That’s why your eye turns green, right? I’m sure you’ve heard of that saying before. I’m green with envy.”

Gritting his teeth, jaw tense, his arms are at his side, apple juice dripping off his hands. The waft of envy was rolling off of him. He resented you, even though he looked down at you like you were worthless you still could feel the heat radiating off of him. Watching his eye twitch at you quoting the famous saying is what flooded your ego.

“You sit here tending to your animals all day. Crying about not having an apple. A stupid rotten apple that someone you know gave me. You have nothing but luxury here. I’ve been wandering around for God knows how many days, barely making it, barely surviving. Yet here you are crying to me about what you don’t have. You have everything here! You have the dog! You had my fucking apple that your insecure ass decided to combust, you have I’m sure every animal that was on Noah’s fucking ark here. Yet you are crying about a damn apple!”

Chest heaving from the yelling you just did…sweat beading down the sides of your temples. You brush off your pants, standing up. Not even sparing him a glance, turning around you start to walk towards the entrance you came from.

“You sound so insecure…jealous of what I have…dare to say I’m getting into your head?”

You feel it…You feel the envy snipping at your bones, the insecurity trying to seep into you. Everything you lacked this man had. His looks, this scenery…He had everything yet he was envious of an apple. The emotion now was feeling so strong…Like being in the middle of a tidal wave, your brain and heart were constantly knocking against each other. Biting your lip you keep your mouth shut, continuing to walk. You know he is just trying to provoke you, get into your head, stroke his own ego. You were not going to give him that luxury.

“San! That’s my name sweetheart!”

Deciding to cover your ears with your hands, the more he talked the more you felt the emotion running its course through your veins. Painfully you feel it, trying to remain strong. The feeling now is hollowing itself in your body. Pain surges through the back of your head, the same feeling when Mingi had his hand on the top of your head. It feels like someone is splitting you open from the top down, your knees start to get weak. Legs slowly are giving out. Trying to walk as fast as you can, the edge of the woods is in plain view. Your legs don’t feel like they can carry you much anymore, dropping to your knees, falling into the dirt below.

Gripping the back of your head, the pressure being unbearable. You try to remain on all fours, attempting to crawl your way to the edge of the woods. You feel a weight on your lower back, your whole body knocks to the ground. Wincing as your body makes full contact with the dirt.

“You think you’d turn your back and just walk away from me?”

Removing the foot he had on your back to under your stomach, flipping you over so you are face side up. His smile is huge, something like the Cheshire Cat. Dimples on full display yet one of his eyes is still green. He looks so angelic, yet you’ve seen the act he had just put on so you know it is too good to be true. Squatting down so he can get closer to you. He grabs your face in his hands. The envy feeling in your body spikes. The feeling makes you sick, like you have too puke. He has a pout on his face.

“I know you feel it in your body. I can smell it on you.”

He inhales deeply.

“You think you are above me? You're the bigger person by walking away? Sweetheart…It’s already consumed you.”

Both of his hands grab the front of your shirt pulling you up right. Disgusted by his actions yet your body is so weak you can’t pull away. Your face scrunched. You continue to keep your mouth shut. Trying to put all your focus on trying your best not to feel the jealousy nip at you.

“I must admit tho…you are kinda cute. I like them stubborn. It makes it all the more fun to rile up. Like a ticking time bomb, you blow up. Like a stick of dynamite! You take time to set off but boy oh boy when you do…”

“…I could just spit on you.”

A smile graces his face once again. He’s amused by your comeback. It’s like a game to him, cat and mouse. He’s the predator, you are his prey. His gaze is so intense, your body is in a high panic, you try to remain calm on the outside, inside you are shaking, terrified.

“By all means please do.”

A smirk gazes across his face. Opening his mouth, sticking his tongue out. Like he’s poking fun at you. Mocking you. Gritting your teeth you clamp your mouth shut. His eyes are so cat-like, so intense. He’s so gorgeous, it makes you insecure, sickly upset. Dimpled smile grazing across his face again.

“What? No treat for me? How rude.”

He says while fully standing up from his squatting position. Pulling you fully upright. He stands behind you gripping your shirt, starting to drag you off. You try to shake out of his grip.

“Hey! Hey! What are you doing with me?! Let go!”

Trying to muster up all the strength you have left but he’s so strong. He’s pulling you away from the woods. Dirt gathering underneath you.

“You know I can see why Jongho took pity on you. You are very enticing! Like a surprise box, you never know what to get but I see the appeal from you now. He always was one for the kinder hearts. He’s a sick man if I do say so myself.” He silently chuckles to himself. Face still beaming with his dimpled smile.

You stop thrashing trying to get out of his hold. Pity? Pity? How in the hell did Jongho have pity on you? Dealing with Jongho was like its own personal hell.

“He knew you were coming to see me next so he tried to prepare you! Can you believe that?! He’s been down here since before time yet he’s still so faint at heart. You almost got away with it too! Ooo it’s so exciting to say that!”

You can hear the chipper tone in his voice. You can feel true excitement rolling off of him. This man was insane, you were convinced, he was so two sided.

“If that apple hadn’t rolled out your pocket. You would’ve almost overcome me! You were so close. What was it like almost tasting victory? Ah..I’m so jealous! You almost had it too!”

You feel bile crawling up your throat at those words “You were so close.” Nausea starts to swim through you. Resentment fills your heart, that’s all you feel towards San.. You can’t believe that he is now the cause of you failing. You are disgusted with yourself, hurt, let down.

“You know resentment is a feeling of envy! They both go hand in hand.”

Your eyes grow wide, confused if you had spoken your thoughts out loud or if he was a mind reader.

“No, no. I’m no mind reader, don’t you worry about that sweetheart!”

The hairs on your body stand up. Terror fills you, he can read minds. He hears your thoughts. You try to think of anything to get your mind off of what you’ve been thinking. Trying to focus hard on any random object. You try to set your focus on the ground, the dirt, anything. You were so lost in thought that you didn’t realize he had stopped dragging you. Too afraid to look behind you to see where he had led you. Your hands quiver in fear, sweat is beading down your body, lips raw from biting the skin off of them.

He squats down in front of you, wanting to be eye to eye with you. Wicked grin plastered on his face. One eye is still green while the other is gold. Feeling a soft cool breeze hit your back, your skin is covered with more goosebumps. So many emotions are crawling all over you. Trying to penetrate your skin by the only one that pierces you is fear. The fear of not knowing what’s behind you, the fear of what he’s going to do to you, the fear of not knowing, the fear of it all.

“I hope you can swim.”

“Wait wha-.”

He shoves you with full strength, falling backwards into water, surely he has bruised your skin with the shove. You can swim yet you are sinking it feels like you are anchored down, drowning. Water is filling your lungs, the burning sensation takes over. Your lungs feel like they are on fire. Is this the cost of failing? Dying all over again? Dying a painful death? A painful memorable death?

Life must be making a mockery out of you cause all you can see as you sink deeper into the dark water is Sans face smiling brightly at you while standing on the edge of the water like he’s just won a prize. There it was again that feeling of resentment and envy. This is what feels like to be consumed by such an emotion. Accepting your fate you close your eyes and let the darkness consume you.

🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️🏔️

Authors Note: I’m so sorry it took me a while to post part 3. When I tell you school has been occupying so much of my time. This week is my last week before winter break so I’ll be able to put out part 4 on time! Besides that well…What are our thoughts👀👀? San was interesting to write for. I think I revealed quite a lot in this part. Its kinda revealed in the form of “If you read between the lines well enough you should be able to piece things together.” I can’t wait to hear y’all thoughts on this chapter!

👉👉👉👉👉👉Part 4 👈👈👈👈👈👈

DO NOT REPOST OR MODIFY.

[holdinbacksecrets]

“shhh, don’t say anything. can we just lay here for a moment? the sun hasn’t risen yet.” let the dream continue until we’re forced to wake because its light is too bright.

you’ve been here before, but you let go and smiled. you swallowed everything because fear embraced the desire for love. now, you’re exhausted, and the honest words you want to say don’t feel as scary in the dark.

he lays down again and turns to look at you. you’re watching the ceiling as the emotions build until fresh tears fall.

he can barely see them, but the moment you blink is when the cascade begins. you keep your eyes closed. your lips part.

“i’ve loved you since the first night you stayed over and slept on my bedroom floor. i remember tiptoeing over you in the morning to make tea, and i giggled through my admiration. i’m not sure i’ve ever made that sound again, but it told me everything i needed to know— i knew the feelings that consumed me after that morning.”

“can i ask you something?” you nod, and his fingers uncurl, reaching for your hand where it rests upon the comforter. “why are you crying?”

“it’s relieving to finally tell you. i’ve tried before. i had to wait for a moment that felt peaceful.”

“so you chose dawn? that makes sense.”

like movie scenes, you ponder the conversations shared at dawn. how many have there been? how wonderful it is to share quiet words.

“i’m still safe at dawn.” uncertainty pours in with the beautiful sunbeams, creating bittersweet mornings, one after another.

you look at him, and he turns his body entirely before reaching for the blanket that failed to cover you through the night.

he studies your face and smooths his touch across your skin. the tension you carry rises and falls with his fingertips and the noticeable light penetrating your curtains. he kisses you when the sun is so bright your eyes caramelize.

“i love you.”

his words bring a comforting wave of certainty, and your focus shifts to all that’s lovely about the sun, to all you crave; it’s been too long since you let yourself be consumed by its warm alone.

[takeariskao3]

Hello, what made you finally take a “risk” into fanfiction and being comfortable with submit your work on A03/Tumblr? I’ve just recently started actively uploading some HP fanfics and I still feel nervous when I go to press the publish button. I try not to let my nerves get to me so instead of checking how many “hits” I get, I read fics from other others just to keep my mind from overthinking.

Also, wanted to say that I love the interactions you have with your fellow readers it’s beautiful, really. Seeing how they come together and read your writing. Not just that but it seems like you don’t know the impact that you have on your readers and when you receive an ask by someone telling you how much they love your work, it’s adorable how your at a loss for words. Because you have a great talent, and like the saying goes we are our own worst critics, even if you somehow feel like one scene or chapter isn’t the greatest, you never know if that scene/chapter means the world to one of your readers.

No matter what I hope you know that your writing will always be special and it’s truly one of a kind. Especially the way you come up with the details and dialog, it’s like the reader can get teleported into the story with the way you write each scenes. Also, the way you create the Daily Prophets are simply AMAZING, love it so much its truly a work of magic 😉. I always wonder how you came up with creating those and how long does it take you, for you to enjoy the final product to place in the story. It’s very creative and interesting to see, it feels magical, anytime I see a Daily Prophet in the beginning of the story.

I hope you the absolute best in your writing adventure and always know that even no matter what, you matter and the words that you come up with have the power to take someone away from the world and into a place that you’ve created even if it’s just for a few minutes.

No matter what ship you write for, do what you love the most because at the end it’s your story! ❤️

❤️

I hope you have a good night/morning 🥺

first of all: AAAHHHHFLSKDFJASDKJLFHADSGKJF

OKAY, now that we've got that out of the way. you are so lovely and absolutely the sweetest and i genuinely cannot comprehend how i ended up with so many of you being so nice to me all the time. because from my point of view i am just a person hanging out behind her computer screen in-between bouts of real life. like i cannot stress that enough. i am probably the most boring, underwhelming, thirty-something, toddler mom you will ever meet. so when people come to me and have.. like.. theories and analysis and excitement over this night-time hobby of mine, i get all blushy and giggly about it because i'm excited about it too! and i think you are absolutely right, we are our own worst critics and so when a lot of what i'm pulling together feels disjointed or mediocre, hearing that it still made an impact even though i was less than thrilled about it, quite literally translates into all-consuming motivation to keep going.

like just you saying you love the daily prophet articles had me scrolling through the ones i've made but haven't used yet to see if i can drop a lil sneak peek because you like??? an idea i had???

anyways, i'll stop rambling about my very transparent people pleasing tendencies.

as for your first question, i don't think we, as writers, ever truly get past the anxiety/anticipation of sharing our work. that's sort of the whole thing right? writing is a shared medium, it doesn't manifest its full meaning until it is shared. but it's also terrifying to share a bit of yourself, a bit of your soul, with someone and invite interpretation and criticism. that's really fucking scary. that's probably why chapter 17 is in a perpetual draft because i am very much afraid of putting myself out there and it not be good enough. so, i think it is absolutely okay to admit and validate those fears but i also think it's important to have people who can ground you and remind you why you are writing. i've been writing and posting fanfic for over ten years and i still spiral and overthink and obsess over stats, but thankfully i have really good people around me who can bring me back down to earth and whose opinions i trust when they tell me that something is or isn't working within a plot/dynamic/chapter. and i do the same for them.

i'd say that is the best thing you can do? make writer friends? find people you trust and who have similar tastes and interests and do fandom life together? because just like writing is a shared medium, fandom is a collective experience. it's meant to be shared.

the last thing i'll share with you as a new-ish writer wanting to take up the fanfic hobby, is that writing is the type of activity where you are not going to see immediate improvement or growth. it's just not. and it's also not something that can really be forced when it comes to success. you can't make people connect with your stories, so cherish the ones that do and keep reading and watching and writing until the story consumes you instead of you directing the story. at least, in my experience, that's what i've found to be the most rewarding, when i know the characters so well and have their voices so ingrained in my head that they are telling me how the story should go, instead of the other way around.

thank you so much for this message! please feel free to come talk to me off anon if you want <3 i'm always down to clown

[silverstarfics]

For @thunder-pride​ non-binary day, I have a quick fic for you all. It didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted but it’s getting late so I figured I’d post it anyway. 

AO3 link

Brains knew many things. Most things, even – at least in comparison with the average person. Fix almost any mechanical object under the sun? Sure. Recite every element of the Periodic Table and their respective mass numbers? Not a problem. Design and construct a fleet of the most advanced rescue crafts known to mankind? It had taken a little while but the Thunderbirds were also a success.

So, taking all of this into consideration, it seemed baffling that Brains had no idea how to start a conversation. Or to be precise, this specific conversation because it wasn’t exactly an everyday discussion. It was a sort of monumental, heavy talk which could tip the scales of the future in either direction.

In other words – or, you know, a lack of words given that was the problem at hand – it was monumentally terrifying which was not a phrase thrown around lightly. A lot of things were scary, but this? This was on an entirely new level.

The villa was mostly empty. Grandma was visiting friends on the mainland and Alan was fighting aliens on a video game again. Gordon and Scott were halfway across the world on a rescue in Denmark, leaving Virgil as the only other person present. It was plausible that Brains had planned to arrive in the kitchen around now for precisely that reason.

It was a light, balmy evening without so much as a hint of rain in the air. A gentle breeze rustled the palm fronds while the nightly symphony of insect song grew a little louder by the minute. Sun rays swept across the ocean to invite themselves through the sliding doors, transforming the kitchen into a pool of glowing gold. All of it should have established a sense of calm and yet.

“Hey,” Virgil called across, spying Brains lurking awkwardly partway between the conversation pit and the hallway. He lifted the saucepan of whatever he was cooking. “Are you hungry? I’ve accidentally made enough for… I don’t even know. Four? Five? Too much for me to eat by myself, anyway.”

Brains went to speak, faltered, and instead slid wordlessly onto a bar stool. For a few moments, they remained in a tranquil silence. It was so quiet that the distant waves against the beach were audible. From somewhere within the conversation pit, MAX let out a tiny trill which was probably meant to be reassuring but could also have been a suggestion that maybe notecards for this conversation would have been a good idea after all.

“Long day?”

Brains nearly startled out of the seat. “S-sorry?”

Virgil looked fondly bemused. “I was just asking if you’ve had a long day? You seem more…” He twirled a hand vaguely; a sixteen-hour rescue tended to steal a guy’s vocab. “…in your own head than usual. Anything exciting or are you tired?”

“Is both an option?”

“Both seems most likely, so yes.” Virgil returned his attention to the saucepan. Tiredness stamped his features and had taken root in his shoulders yet his voice remained soft as he ventured, “Are you alright?”

Brains paused. There came another encouraging warble from MAX’s direction.

“Actually, there’s s-something I’ve been meaning to, uh, t-talk to you about.”

This was fine. Absolutely. There was nothing to be afraid of. It was just like ripping off a band-aid – momentary pain but future relief.

“Do you think… m-maybe…” It made no sense to be so scared. This was Virgil. And yet Brains couldn’t stop the soul-consuming sense of utter terror. “Could you refer to me as they/them?”

Virgil didn’t hesitate, just carried on as if it were an ordinary conversation on any other day.

“Yeah, of course.”

Brains paused. “Really?”

“Why wouldn’t I…?” Virgil spun around to face them with pure heartbreak in his eyes. “Wait, Brains, did you think…? I am so sorry if I ever gave you the impression that I wouldn’t accept you. God, I- I’m sorry. You’re family. I love- I mean, we love you.”

“Oh.” Brains coughed. “I… I feel the same way.” Then, in a rush, “Thank you.”

Virgil reached across the counter to place a hand on their shoulder. “You don’t need to thank me. If anything, I should be the one saying thanks. Thank you for trusting me. Does anyone else know?”

“Just you.”

Virgil shoved the saucepan off the hotplate and abandoned his cooking attempts altogether. He had on that same soft smile usually reserved for moments when he didn’t think anyone was looking at him. He rounded the island and hesitated, hands hovering at his sides uncertainly.

“Can I give you a hug? Is that okay?”

“I…” Brains willed their voice to remain steady. There was a wave of emotion slowly creeping up their throat and a suspicious burning behind their eyes. “Y-yes.”

Virgil swept them into a proper bear hug. He was the only person allowed such close contact. Touch just wasn’t Brains’ usual way of expressing care. Technically Scott had hugged them in the past too, but that had been exceptional circumstances, and Alan just couldn’t be stopped nor deterred. But Virgil? He gave good hugs. So, Brains let themself relax into the hold until the overwhelming depth of feeling in their chest unravelled into something more bearable.

“They/them, huh?” Virgil murmured, a distinct note of pride in his voice. “Congrats. That’s a really big thing to figure out. I’m happy for you.”

MAX’s trill seemed sort of smug, as if to say I told you so.

Brains finally extracted themself from the hug. “Thank you. For n-not making it a big deal.”

Virgil seemed to wrestle with the instinct to say something more, then forced himself to return to the cooking. “You know, you still haven’t given me an answer. Do you want any of this?”

“Oh, r-right. Yes.”

And just like that, the words were out there. The world was still spinning without any physical changes, but somehow everything felt lighter.

[jemimaland]

took a break for exams 🕊️

but i’m back and i’m still trying to improve so let me update you on some of the things i’ve been doing lately:

started crochet! ohmygosh it’s so fun, i’m making a little blanket with some pink ribbons on it, and i’m making a miffy plush - it’s so much fun and i’m so proud of myself for sticking with it and learning how to do it 🧶

started running more. this is still very new, but running has always felt really scary for me and it’s big that i’ve decided i’m going to start running every other day or so. i tried doing it every day but i really burned myself out so i’ve decided every other day with pilates in between is good for now. i really recommend the nhs couch to 5k app if you’re a beginner like me 💕

being a princess. this has always been an obsession but recently it’s really cranked up. i’ve been watching so many disney princess movies, listening to jane austen, listening to classical music and dancing around. i might to a full post about this but i’ve been having a bit of an existential crisis about what to do with my one chance at life, and it sounds silly so don’t laugh but all i really want to do is have a little cottage with a cat and a dog and some chickens and wear pretty dresses and dance around and have a family someday. that’s all. i just need to figure out how to get there ☁️

sanrio (but not just sanrio, bear with me) i really liked hello kitty when i was younger so i thought i’d rewatch some of the cartoons one day when i was feeling nostalgic. and it reminded me how lovely it is to see things from a child’s perspective. kid’s cartoons like hello kitty, strawberry shortcake, ever after high, etc. just sort of tell you to be kind, keep going, and push through hard times and everything will be okay. it’s a nice idea and it had a real effect on me. we consume so much sad shit all the time, i think it’s important to take time out of every day to listen to a positive message like that 🐰

doing things intuitively. for example, instead of being on a calorie deficit like i usually am, during exam season i tried eating intuitively because i’ve heard so much about it. at first it sucked bc i ended up feeling full and bloated more often, but soon i started to think: am i really hungry, or am i just worried the food won’t be there when i really want it? am i really hungry, or am i just bored? do i really need a sweet treat right now or am i just craving it because i’m walking past a shop? and soon i started to avoid overeating because i didn’t want to feel full, and whenever i was scared of my sisters eating something i would want to eat at some point i’d remind myself that i can go to the shops and get it if i really want to. and when i’m hungry i eat, and when i’m full i stop. it sounds so simple but it’s difficult to tune into your body that way. my relationship with food isn’t fixed by any means but i’m proud of myself for listening to my body 😁

so very good things over here from me. exams aren’t over, but i’ve gotten the worst out of the way. i’ve got so many fun plans for my last summer living at home and i’m so excited!

how are you guys doing? if you’re out there and you’ve found my blog recently, because i’ve noticed more activity over the pasts few days, who are you? what brought you here? what’s your journey?

kisses hugs and kisses 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚

[honorarysimp]

i’m already obsessed with your new mabel fic :) it’s honestly kind of scary especially knowing the ending will probably break my heart. i’m not known for handling bittersweet endings or angst well. but it’s too late to turn back now i love love LOVEE your writing and it’s better than i anticipated. all the conflict has me buzzing (for now) and in desperate need of answers. can i ask your thoughts on the movie? i thought it was pretty okay (it’s not my usual kind of movie). i cant help but wonder how much you’ll stick to canon events as well but i guess i’ll have to find out with everyone else! but this does pose the question on how much it will rely on the song the people (not me) have chosen. because it really is so incredibly devastating. i’ve never been one for unrequited love. it always reduces me to a puddle of tears but i have a feeling it’s not as one sided as the song makes it out to be. although that does just make me spiral over their clashing personalities (from what you’ve given us) which then just has me thinking about the one thing worse than unrequited love,,,, the love being returned but not being enough to hold two people together. UGHHH just awful. alas, at the very least i’ve got time to prepare myself (nothing could prepare me). and if i drop off the face of the earth in between updates or don’t leave a message in the end just know i need time to process and be consumed by whatever angst you’ve got drawn up. dramatics aside, i hope you’re doing well!!! and enjoying the last of summers weather! (if it’s hot wherever you are) it’s already getting colder around me which i don’t know how to feel about yet but we move! also kind of random but do you have tattoos? i’ve been thinking of getting some for as long as i can remember but i could never think up anything. you absolutely do not have to answer that but i’m just curious! i hope this wasn’t too much let me know if i should keep my rambles to myself and be a little more normal about my thoughts (and i mean this!! i won’t get upset or be weird about it. swear on all my plushies 🤞) -pip

PIP! Oh my god you’re alive, I’ve been waiting for you to come back around. So glad you enjoy it thusfar! I won’t give away anything on the story, but I will confirm everything in the movie stays cannon (respectfully). Only I drag out the timeline, spreading it out a bit more. Personally I liked the movie, but then again I like most movies.

I’ve got four tattoos! Like the cliché I am, all my tattoos have a deep meaning to me. But I waited a while for all of them at least, drew them on with sharpie in different places to make sure I was sure.

Enjoy the cool for me, it’s hot as fuck here :)

[canonizeme]

fuck this life and fuck this place and fuck the hole your crawled out of. there is nothing you could do that would make me forgive you. i don’t care what the right thing is. i don’t care if i’ll be lighter if i do. i don’t want to be lighter. i don’t want to be fixed. i want to wallow in the pain you’ve left me in because at least then i don’t have false hopes about what could be. who i could be. i don’t want to love someone. i want to consume them. i want to be the toxic noxious bitch that stupid boys write home about and make them run crying to their mommies. i want to hurt people like i’ve been hurt and i don’t care if it’s right or wrong. if they won’t let me rip their throats out then i’ll just do it to myself. to them. see how they like it. see what they think. kill this precious body they’re so proud of and leave it flopping like a suffocating fish on a dock. helpless. salvation is 5 feet away and they’re too stupid to see it. kill yourself, i scream at them in dark red lipstick and dripping mascara, but no one listens. i scream it louder. and louder. and louder.

i’m not allowed to exist because i’m “evil”. they like to think they’re good when they’re not. i’m the urge to rip and tear and die. and i’m scary. so they push me aside until they can’t anymore. no one can. i’m killing us. i’m killing us right now and no one even knows it. me. i’m doing it. i have the power here and you have nothing. you can’t kill me if i kill myself first.