#I mean I will take book recommendations but they are not entirely helpful; and we also haven't all read the same stuff

[twst-rose-prisms]

Twst boys and their respective Vocaloid songs

As the title said, I've been wanting to assign some Vocaloid songs for the twst characters as there are quite a lot of songs that specifically fit them! I'll include some lyrics part as of why I think it fits along with a small analysis + song link! I'm letting my Vocaloid braincells taking over this time hehe 🌹❤️

Shout out to my bestie @twst-megane for helping me out a bunch once again!!

Characters: All NRC students Warning: Some of these songs contain angsty/dark themes or imply self-harm, however it's nothing too much as that's the nature of Vocaloid songs in general and I recommend you checking them out if you guys can!

Part 1 | Part 2

🌹 Heartslabyul 🌹

Riddle: Bitter Choco Decoration

Pretty self-explanatory from the lyrics if you remember Riddle’s backstory with his strict, controlling mother. His entire life up until he became a student has been under his mom’s influence and it ended up him being too strict even to himself and his emotions - just like the meaning of the song too.

“Bitter choco decoration I long for the ideal that everyone wishes for Bitter choco decoration I reduce my individuality and my emotions to ashes Bitter choco decoration Kill your desires and ego, and bury them all underground Bitter choco decoration I've finally grown up, mama” “Surely, tomorrow, and the days after This hell will continue on and on. Alas, so please, just for now Let me keep the feelings I had when I was but a child And be the naked me.”

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Ace: Lost One’s Weeping

Being a rebellious person, I’m thinking this song fits Ace the most as it’s about questioning the flawed system, questioning one’s being and purpose and that if we have to keep living under some sort of authority for the rest of our life. As you can already see how he acts in Book 1 towards Riddle - defying authority, questioning it, and being rebellious about it.

“Can you say the formula for area ratio? Can you say the dreams of your childhood? Who threw those dreams in a ditch? Hey, who was it? You know who it was! When are you going to grow up!? What is a grown-up anyway? Do you know who has the answers? Hey, what should I do? I don't care anymore!”

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Deuce: RAD DOGS

I picked this song for Deuce because of the lyrics, but also the beat and the meaning. The strong, powerful beat with the fast rap part really fit him don’t you think? The lyrics speaks of the struggle of going against the grain and choosing a life of freedom, although it comes with an effort and the ability to face everything life throws at us. We need to take a leap of faith and not settle for anything less than what we truly want, emphasizes the importance of taking a risk and restarting, not worrying about the reason or justifications for doing so, just like how Deuce acts in general with his goal and dream.

"My unseen devotion, sympathy that I don’t feel, and all the things that I can't have What kind of story? Whose story is it? If you don't have something, you'll start to want it, isn’t that right?" "Now, I’ve decided to restart for the first time Just saying “I want to be like you” is all you need, right? Not knowing the reason why, not needing the reason why I'm defying against fate’s rules" "Now, I’ve decided to restart and burst out Just saying “I want to see it” is all you need, right? Let that groovy sound beat, let me hear that heartbeat Since there’s no time to just stand still" "With the tailwind blowing Alright, we keep going forward without looking back"

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Trey: Ai no Material

Trey gives me a melancholic, casual and mature vibe, like an older brother who you can depend on anytime and he would give you his usual smile. That’s why I picked this song for him, although he always helps out everyone but I feel like he can be lonely sometimes, like perhaps he would need a helping hand or maybe some support. When I read the lyrics I think of him! I want to interpret it as Heartslabyul to Trey, who’s been always working hard for the dorm, and it’s the message that he might want to hear the most!

"(Jump into tomorrow!) It seems that the stars will fall down. (Always) You wear a sparkling smile. (With a smile) But even if it's hard, you hide the pain away, (Want to meet you) and without showing it, you just laughed." "I always want to smile, after all. It's not hard, so I'm going to try harder! I wonder if I've been embracing such a lie tightly, And kept walking all this time." "Fly up more, higher and higher. If it's you, you can do it with a smile. But it's okay even if it's just a little bit, It's okay to quietly depend on me too." "Words like "I'm alright" or saying "I'm okay", While showing your usual smile. I understand those lies you utter, And that's why I tug on your hand."

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Cater: Phony

I know it might sound like it doesn’t fit him but in my opinion, this song sums up Cater as a character. We haven’t seen much of him in actual depth, but I definitely think he has more than he just appears. This song talks about how a person can mask and deceive themselves in lies, they’re aware of it, but they have to put it up in order to meet societal expectations. A constructed image or persona - the “fake” that they created and now they struggle to reconcile with their true self, and I think he is like that as well. (Aniplex please more Cater content for us we're waiting-)

“There’s no flower in this world more beautiful than an artificial one That’s because everything is manufactured from lies Antipathy world” “The rain of despair pelts my umbrella and Dampens my bangs and the hidden side of my heart Oh, it’s all so troublesome” “Before I knew it, the words had already withered The fruit of the truth is ripening within me Painting lies upon the mirror’s reflection, a “makeup” of the loss of oneself” “Before I knew it, the mimicked cries joined the unpleasant chorus Their eyes, leery, are dissolving you I am missing from the mirror’s reflection. There is only a “fake” that everyone mistook for someone else”

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🦁 Savanaclaw 🦁

Leona: Meltdown

The song is about one wanting to disappear, wanting to kill their old self and erase everything as if it’s like falling asleep. Though I think this song can be interpreted as having depression - and from what we see going on with Leona, I feel like he does show signs of it, I wish they would dive deeper into his story in Book 2 though! Other than that, I feel like the lyrics in here suit him a lot, especially the “sleep” part in the lyrics.

“I'm like a lighter out of fluid My insides are on fire Sometimes I wish It was all a lie” “I want to jump into the core My memories would melt into brilliant whiteness and disappear If I could jump into the core I feel like I’d be able to sleep again like I used to” “If I jumped into the core I'd vanish, like I had gone to sleep A morning without me Would be perfect All the gears meshing together That's how the world would be”

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Jack: Night Sky Patrol of Tomorrow

I think this song fits Jack a lot, the vibe is definitely for him but also the lyrics as well. The headstrong vibe, full of uncertainty but also full of hope for tomorrow, despite feeling hopeless at times but what is important is never give up and head forward to the future. The song’s meaning is to convey resilience, independence, and the importance of cherishing the present moment even when you’re uncertain about some things. You could also take this as a JackMC song haha, It just fits him a lot imo!

“I'm a boy who picks out his enemies to fight, Depending on whatever suits my mood. No hopes for the future, I wanted to be drawn in a dream." "And yet I fear the future, Hating tomorrow, wishing towards the past. There's no longer anything I can do, so I shout, "Tomorrow, tomorrow, please, don't come!" "If you want it, then make it come true yourself." Eh... You said that..." "I think about what I want, To go see you again tomorrow night. But I don't know, maybe you won't be there, But even so, we will always be one." "So, see you later, Sky Arrow, let's smile on! I want to be together with you in the future, However short our time may be, so I'll shout out, "Remember this day someday in the future, whoever we are then..."

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Ruggie: Moonlight

This song fits Ruggie a lot in terms of lyrics, with numerous mentions of rags and junk and collecting them together to the longing of being your own self instead of being in someone else’s shadow and chasing after them. The singer compares themselves to a piece of junk or trash as they think of themselves lowly, just like Ruggie himself. The mention of moonlight here represents the singer’s ideal that they always chase after, like Ruggie’s life goal. Overall, the vibe of the song fit him a lot! (I recommend checking out the Vivid Bad Squad version too!)

“A collection of junk, Covered with a piece of rag, A replica in a hideous shape Words spun by someone else, Tones played by someone else, A fake made by a distorted collage of them” “Even being junks, even a piece of rag In the blood pumped from its heart There was only my own anger In the end, there must be nothing left Love, spun songs, and my name will one day fade away I wonder why? It's stuck in the back of my chest, A loneliness similar to the silence of a winter night” “Whether or not I'm a fake, Looking back now, there was only Those blurred memories” “The irony of being a waste, I'm trying to get out of the cliché, but "Another rehash of someone else’s work?" "Is even your identity a trick?" "Do you want love, even if you have to steal it?" “Even being junks, even a piece of rag After following the never ending dream I'll find my own light, all the way”

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🐚 Octavinelle 🐚

Azul: Delusion Tax

In my opinion, this is the most fitting song I could think of for Azul. As said in the lyrics, we all have desires of our own, and the person (or in this case Miku) in this song is a genie that can grant any wishes, but in the end everything come with a price, anyone who make a wish with her will have to sell a part of themselves. Sounds just like Azul and his contracts don’t you think? But you can also think this reflects Azul’s own desires once you know his backstory too! (and also, check out this amazing art by my bestie! Her art is amazing!!)

“Turning wishes into reality Right now, buy back your future! Afflicted by so badly wanting to do “that”, consumed by desire Come now, let’s go beyond all this pain” “Existing for your sake alone, mandatory affections and obligated kindness Though you should be satisfied, a voice from within shouts “NO!” We have an idiot on our hands, it seems…” “None of it will come true if you don't pay the price Look, just up and borrow the "desired amount" Reality is a bitter-sweet pill to swallow Come now, let’s go beyond all this pain” “That which you wish for, the person you think of, The past which you hate as well, they’ll all be as you like. The kind of face and chest you desire, they’ll be granted if you pay. “It’s a promise”

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Jade: SHANTI

I feel like the song is pretty self-explanatory, as you can see with the lyrics. It just fits Jade’s job and his approach to the “targets” and lure them into signing a contract with Azul, but it’s probably just more than the said goal… But you can never tell with that smile of his as his “kind” words accompany his looks. Until you realized you fell into the trap and become one of Azul’s underlings due to the contract (at least, until post-Book 3, but who knows)

“Hey, young man who’s hanging his head Did something bad happen? If you’re fine with me, do you wanna talk about it? I can help you What in the world happened? That sounds terrible, brother I'll give you this, so cheer up, ok You can pay me back next time” “So you came again tonight Was it to your liking? The fee is this much Huh? Huh? Huh? So you can’t pay Then it can’t be helped I’ve got the perfect job for you, so come and follow me”

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Floyd: Matryoshka

A chaotic, addictive rock song that is very fitting for Floyd. Why though? According to the wiki “Most of the lyrics are nonsensically vague or ridiculous, with a slight hint of pain or sadness, giving the overall song a crazy and psychotic feeling. Therefore, the lyrics have been interpreted in various ways.” Just like the moody guy himself, don’t you think?

“My headache is singing about a package The clock's hand is stuck at 4 o'clock No one would tell me why But the world has begun to rotate in reverse” “Ah, would you please dance even more? Kalinka? Malinka? Just play the strings" "What should I do with these kinds of emotions? Won't you please tell me? The signal reception is good, 5-2-4! Freud? Keloid? Just hit the keys Let's just laugh everything off Hurry up and dance, you group of fools!" "Together let's clap our childish hands To this intentionally deranged rhythm Surely, I couldn't care less about everything The world's temperature is beginning to melt”

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[the-busy-ghost]

Alright uninformed rant time. It kind of bugs me that, when studying the Middle Ages, specifically in western Europe, it doesn’t seem to be a pre-requisite that you have to take some kind of “Basics of Mediaeval Catholic Doctrine in Everyday Practise” class. 

Obviously you can’t cover everything- we don’t necessarily need to understand the ins and outs of obscure theological arguments (just as your average mediaeval churchgoer probably didn’t need to), or the inner workings of the Great Schism(s), nor how apparently simple theological disputes could be influenced by political and social factors, and of course the Official Line From The Vatican has changed over the centuries (which is why I’ve seen even modern Catholics getting mixed up about something that happened eight centuries ago). And naturally there are going to be misconceptions no matter how much you try to clarify things for people, and regional/class/temporal variations on how people’s actual everyday beliefs were influenced by the church’s rules. 

But it would help if historians studying the Middle Ages, especially western Christendom, were all given a broadly similar training in a) what the official doctrine was at various points on certain important issues and b) how this might translate to what the average layman believed. Because it feels like you’re supposed to pick that up as you go along and even where there are books on the subject they’re not always entirely reliable either (for example, people citing books about how things worked specifically in England to apply to the whole of Europe) and you can’t ask a book a question if you’re confused about any particular point. 

I mean I don’t expect to be spoonfed but somehow I don’t think that I’m supposed to accumulate a half-assed religious education from, say, a 15th century nobleman who was probably more interested in translating chivalric romances and rebelling against the Crown than religion; an angry 16th century Protestant; a 12th century nun from some forgotten valley in the Alps; some footnotes spread out over half a dozen modern political histories of Scotland; and an episode of ‘In Our Time’ from 2009. 

But equally if you’re not a specialist in church history or theology, I’m not sure that it’s necessary to probe the murky depths of every minor theological point ever, and once you’ve started where does it end? 

Anyway this entirely uninformed rant brought to you by my encounter with a sixteenth century bishop who was supposedly writing a completely orthodox book to re-evangelise his flock and tempt them away from Protestantism, but who described the baptismal rite in a way that sounds decidedly sketchy, if not heretical. And rather than being able to engage with the text properly and get what I needed from it, I was instead left sitting there like:

And frankly I didn’t have the time to go down the rabbit hole that would inevitably open up if I tried to find out

[jujutsubaby]

🫧 skin care daddy 🫧

☆ pairing: satoru gojo x afab!reader ☆ summary: your skin's been breaking out recently and you're stressed at work and you have your sister's wedding to attend in a week. according to the internet, this is the best spa in town, and you're lowkey desperate at this point...it can't be that bad right? ☆ tags: modern au ☆ warnings: penetrative sex, unprotected sex, oral sex (f!recieving), facial, dirty talk, fingering, flicking the bean?? idk ☆ a/n: guys i swear i am cooking in the kitchen with the asks from my follower event AND other shit OK!! sorry for the wait on everything but here is a little crumb bc i love u all!! i was feeling unhinged bc i saw two things: 1) a spa called skin care daddy and 2) a post or one shot where the reader got a facial from gojo and it cleared her skin. idk i just felt inspired to make this bc it felt the universe was asking me to. not proofread some plot with corn u know the vibes babes xx ☆ word count: 7k+

"sorry, we're all booked for this weekend and the next. we usually recommend that our customers book 3 weeks in advance for our services at the ritz carlton luxury spa." the lady on the other end of the line was objectively speaking very politely, but you were far too frustrated with your situation to notice.

"great, yeah, no, thanks." you say quickly, hanging up the phone and groaning into your pillow.

"no luck at the ritz?" you turn to face your best friend, nobara.

"they're all booked, what a surprise!" you say sarcastically, your voice still slightly muffled by the pillow.

"i mean, c'mon, y/n. your face is not that bad..." nobara tries and deeply fails to comfort you, making you chuckle half heartedly.

you get up from your bed and walk over to the full body mirror of your closet in order to get up close and personal with your face. your fingers stretch on the skin around your breakouts as you study them with determination, as if just willing them to be gone will do the trick. it doesn't.

"it's bad enough that all the aunties will say something snarky to me all day."

you're usually one to always follow through on your skincare routine, am and pm, and watch what you eat carefully so that you don't get breakouts. but you recently went through a rough patch (read: a hellish period) and your face took the brunt of the damage. it wasn't your fault you were having massive cramps and craved hot cheetos the entire week (it was so worth it) but now, a week before your sister's wedding, you're facing the consequences.

you sigh. the ritz was the fifth place you guys called that didn't have any space for an all day facial, but you couldn't run out of hope. back to the drawing board.

you open up your laptop and get back to searching on google maps, as nobara does the same thing. you're grateful she's helping you out during your, albeit, dumb crisis, but what are girl friendships for? a spa you've never heard of before suddenly catches your eye and you zoom in. skin care daddy? you read the finer print underneath it. best day spa in tokyo.

you snort. best day spa in tokyo my ass. if it really was the best day spa in tokyo, why have you never heard of it?

nobara laughs, almost on cue. "wait, dude, are you seeing this spa?" she turns her phone around and you see she's also looking at skin care daddy. "this has to be a joke, right? no way would they be allowed to open up a spa named that, right?"

"ohmygod, i was just looking at that!" you say excitedly. "it literally sounds like a sex bot made it for unsuspecting horny losers to click on and get like, a crazy virus." you both laugh at how ridiculous this place sounds.

nobara's laugh almost abruptly stops as she scrolls down the place. "wait, stop. this place has like...over ten thousand reviews and a 4.9 star rating..."

you immediately click on the place and take a closer look at the reviews and ratings and see she's right. "i don't think i've ever seen a place have this many reviews with consistent ratings?" your brows scrunch as you read aloud some of the top reviews.

"this spa has given me the some of the best facials of my life. i always come to this spa whenever i'm in the area, and the people working there are obsessed with taking care of their customers. 10/10" you're baffled by the review sounding so...weird but you think nothing of it. you make a mental note that you are kinda desperately looking for a miracle facial to help with your breakouts, so maybe you shouldn't count this place out just yet.

nobara half heartedly scoffs as she reads the next one. "i've had chronic acne and back pain for years until i saw someone from here who made me feel soo good. you'll be coming here all the time once you go. maybe even multiple times a day."

"how good can this place be if you have to go multiple times to make sure your spa treatment worked?" you say, rolling your eyes at these reviews. "these can't be real right?"

"they sound incentivized or like someone paid them to write it or somethin'" nobara surmises.

"maybe it's a cult or something," you say, causing both of you to double over in laughter.

"a cult disguised as a spa is a bit too insane, even for tokyo." nobara says as she scrolls through and skims more reviews. "aren't you looking for a facial anyway? everyone's saying they're really good here...you know...despite the..." she gestures with her hands the reviews on her phone.

"ugh, am i for real that desperate for clear skin that i'm willing to go to a shady ass day spa?" you roll on to your back on your bed and stare at the ceiling, contemplating.

"can't be that shady if it's ten thousand reviews. say what you want but that's a lot of reviews to pay money for."

nobara has a point. you grab your laptop and try to look for a link to their website and see they don't have a website. interesting. not a red flag but just interesting. maybe i have to call for bookings? you search for a phone number, but fail to find one.

"wait, are you able to find any contact for this spa?" you ask noabra and you see her squinting her eyes at the phone.

"no i wasn't but i saw a review that basically said this spa is a walk-in type of deal?"

"it's a walk-in but has thousands of reviews? how does that even work? people are probably waiting years in line to get in?"

"dunno," nobara shrugs, and puts her phone back in her pocket. "maybe it's like a 'if-you-know-you-know' type of thing so it's like popular through word of mouth of somethin'"

damn. even more shady, then. you chew on your lip and stare at the ceiling again, trying to imagine all the things your aunties will say to you at the wedding.

"27 and still unmarried? shame."

"oh, you really need to watch your diet, the breakouts will never go away otherwise."

"clear skin is the first step to find a man who will desire you, y/n."

you feel like your skin is burning thinking about the so-called "advice" you're likely to receive at the wedding. normally you wouldn't care, but your hormones have been kind of out of wack with the new birth control you started recently, and you're not sure if you can really take any form of bullshit other than your sister's this weekend.

your thoughts are interrupted by nobara getting up from your chair. "alright, i'm off to work. need a ride to skin care daddy?"

"yeah, actually," you say as you slowly get out of your bed and change our of your pajamas.

"wait, what?!" nobara says with wide eyes. "i was actually joking when i said that. are you seriously gonna go? y/n, i dunno about this one..."

"c'mon! it's like you said, it's weird but it's not necessarily shady..." you say, mostly trying to convince yourself as you put on a pair of your favorite lazy girl black flared yoga pants.

nobara seems to consider it for a moment before responding. "kay, fine. but if i take you there and it's some abandoned warehouse-"

"then we'll drive away. no way in hell i'm about to die for this place." you assure nobara, putting her at ease.

you quickly don a thrifted gray hoodie and put your hair up in a messy bun. you don't care to put on any makeup, since you're probably gonna have to take it off anyway. if the day spa isn't shady and in an abandoned warehouse.

you quickly grab your keys and wallet before gesturing to nobara to leave. she sighs, looking at her phone one more time.

"fuck it, let's go before i change my mind."

"okay it says it's just right around the corn-"

"OH MY GOD?!" you're unable to hold back your disbelief as nobara took the corner to, what you think, might the chicest and prettiest boutique you've ever laid eyes on. the front was adorned with a gorgeous light blue awning with european style bell-shaped pendant lights making it almost glow during the day time.

"what the hell...ain't no way..." noabra is at a loss for words for how fancy it looks. "they have the money to rent out a place like this but no website?"

"or have a phone number." you mumble as you open nobara's car door. you turn around and give her a quick wave. she tells you to give her a call and tell her how it is after and you promise to do so. as nobara drives off, all the skepticism evaporates from your body looking at the dainty and cute decor all over the place.

you walk in to a fairly large lobby, with a desk in the middle and waiting chairs surrounding it. the calming scent of lavender, green tea, and patchouli hits your nose, and your guard immediately drops; the aroma relaxes you almost instantly.

you look around and are surprised to see only two other women in the waiting chairs on their phone. one of them seemed older, kind of like a mother, and the other seemed to be your age, but far more demure.

"hey, there! welcome to skin care daddy! we're determined to take care of you all your needs, no matter what! how can i help you today?" your head whips around to the guy sitting at the reception desk, and you feel a bit embarrassed; he must've noticed how lost you looked here, and you force yourself to straighten up and regain your composure as you slowly walk to the front desk. you take a closer at the guy with shaggy black hair sitting in the chair in front of you.

"hi..." you squint to see the faint print on his name badge. "yuta".

"yup! that's me!" he chirps. you know he probably has to exaggerate his good mood for the sake of the job but it kind of irks you. "what can i do for you today, miss?"

"yeah, uhh...what services do you guys offer? i tried looking online but you guys didn't have a website and..." your wandering eyes can't help but look around skeptically around the front desk and the doors on either side of the lobby.

"well, we offer whatever you need, miss. just tell us what you're looking for and we'll have it. i guarantee it."

"okay, well. my sister's getting married next weekend and..." you gesture to your face. "my life has been all sorts of stressful and hormonal so honestly, i'm just looking for something that can help me feel refreshed-"

you're interrupted by someone entering in from the right side of the lobby door. it's a woman who, you must say, looks glowing. her skin is bright and she quite looks like she's almost levitating. guiding her out of the spa is a young man, around your age, with blond hair and round glasses. he's unbelievably built, with strong hands rubbing her back softly and a chiseled jaw. he's wearing what you think is the uniform of this place: white dress shirt with the top two buttons undone and black slacks.

your breath gets caught in your throat momentarily. no fucking way. this guy works here? he's so fucking...hot. you have to force your eyes to tear away from him as you try your hardest to focus back on your conversation with yuta.

yuta chuckles as he follows your gaze. "ah, yes, mr. nanami is a customer favorite esthetician here. anyway, seems like you're going through a rough time and you came to the perfect place! normally, i would recommend the oxygen facial, but since you said you have a wedding..." yuta types something on the computer for a bit. "personally, i would recommend the full body tokyo special."

you're not entirely what an oxygen facial is, nor what the tokyo special is, and you feel even more stupid asking this guy who seems to be in college for more information.

"um, sorry, what's a full body tokyo special? i think i just need a really good facial."

"oh no worries, miss. i apologize. the full body tokyo special consists of a hands-on full body aromatherapy massage and our famous milkbomb facial, which'll do wonders for your skin." he winks at you. why did he wink at you?

you're unable to think about whether or not you even wanna do anything here when a group of men barge in through the left door of the lobby, laughing loudly, before lowering their voices.

one of the men is a dark haired man, seemingly a little older than the other two and yourself, but also very much ripped just like mr. nanami. you tried not to stare at the skin tight black shirt he wore that attenuated his pecs but miserably failed. he took the quickest glance at you and gave the faintest smile, revealing a slight scar on the left side of his lip. a scar that makes him sexier? you've gotta be kidding me. you follow his gaze to the older woman you saw sitting here when you came in, who know looks completely enamored by the man.

"there's my favorite mama," the man coos, holding an arm out for her as she skipped to him. he leads her to the other door, and you could hear them giggling and talking, as if this wasn't the first time they've seen each other.

"aight, see ya later, man." the other dark haired man said to his friend, before making eye contact with you, and then giving a slight smirk to yuta. he heads straight to the demure girl you saw when you walked in, and holds his hand out to her and she blushes and grabs it.

"th-thanks for seeing me again, geto-san." the girl says so softly that you have to strain your ears to listen.

"i told you to call me suguru..." you hear him joke as they disappear behind the door.

"like what you see?" you turn your head to the last guy, who now is far too close for your liking. you take a small step back, which makes him chuckle.

"yuta-kun! who do we have here?" the man asks boisterously. despite being indoors, he's wearing dark circled sunglasses. what a douche.

"oh, hey gojo-sensei. this is..." yuta looks at you, waiting for you to say your name.

"y/n." you say a bit too late, still trying to process the barrage of attractive men that just showed up all at once and what they had to do with the spa.

yuta starts filling in the man about what you were looking for, as you take in the man who's intently listening to him. he has white hair, and is wearing the same uniform as mr. nanami was, with three buttons undone and his hair slightly disheveled. he's also really tall. like really tall. like he towers over you easily tall. but also, just as well built like everyone else.

what is this place? you knew men could work in salons and parlors and spas, but this place seemed to be exclusively run by them. and not just any men, really attractive men. and what's worse is that you were not complaining. sure, it's a bit weird but there's really no other choice for you at this point.

"ahh, the tokyo special, huh?" he says, turning at you and giving you a bright smile which you suspect he gives to everyone who comes in here. "nice choice."

"he's the one who chose it, and i'm not even sure if i want it." you say, pointing to yuta, and trying your hardest to stand your ground. you have to really make sure this spa treatment is actually gonna help and not just a scam for your money.

"well, he chose right. i've never seen you here before, so you must be new here, right?" you nod, suddenly feeling really small and embarrassed about your attitude before. god, you're never one to behave badly in front of service workers. the hormones are really doing a number on your mood. maybe you could benefit from this "tokyo special".

he leans down to meet your eyes and takes off his sunglasses, and you’re face to face with the most gorgeous ocean blue eyes you've ever seen. through an almost hypnotic effect, you feel much calmer than you did before, and more trusting of him. "well, lucky for you, i've got an opening right now. i'll help you feel right at home." he gives you a wink, and you can't help but feel there's some other hidden meaning behind what he says.

"umm...well..." you say, holding on to the thin strings of your resolve.

"gojo-sensei is the best masseuse and esthetician here, especially for first timers like yourself, miss y/n. i guarantee you'll leave the establishment more than satisfied with his work." yuta assures you with a smile.

and with that, your resolve completely dissolves and you nod and hand him your credit card and he takes the information. gojo touches the small of your back ever so slightly, and you hope he doesn't feel you shiver at his touch.

"he just loves kissing up to me so he can get a full time job here after college. i'm his favorite cousin, after all." he says, making you giggle as you walk through the two panel doors into the spa.

"thanks for taking me in during your opening, mr. gojo." you say politely, feeling grateful as he leads you down the corridor of the neat, clean, and minimally decorated hallway.

"i think you're gonna be the one taking me in," gojo mumbles under his breath while opening the door to a room that looked like a doctor's office. a single lavender massage table greets you with small cabinets on either side.

you're unable to catch what he said. "what? did you say something?"

"i said call me satoru. no need to get so formal with me, i'm just some dude who works here." he chuckles. he locks the door as you sit up on the massage table awkwardly, unsure of how you should be positioning yourself or what exactly he was planning.

gojo goes to the corner and pulls out a fluffy white bathrobe and hands it to you. you're blown away by how soft it feels in your hands -- luxury at it's finest, you guess.

"okay, i just have a quick questionnaire i need you to fill out, probably will take around a minute," he says, as he grabs a clipboard with a pen attached to it from another drawer and takes a seat on a padded lab stool. he rolls closer to you until his long slender legs are almost touching your calves.

"alrighty here...okay, first question…” the questions gojo reads off are normal enough, with various clauses consenting to the spa treatment, confirming your age, and so forth. they don’t start getting weird until later. “ok last three, we’re almost done.” you notice a shit-eating grin on his face as he scribbles your answer to the previous question. “okay, are you a virgin?”

“what?!” 

“are you a virg-”

“i heard you the first time. what kinda question is that? that’s so invasive, what the hell are you play-” you’re ready to give an entire speech to this guy about how inappropriate and irrelevant the question is. 

“it’s fine if you don’t wanna answer it, i just can’t continue the treatment if you don’t.” gojo says this so simply and nonchalantly, as if the question was about your favorite color, and not an intimate detail about your sexuality. 

“okay, fine. not a virgin.” you cross your hands in irritation. 

“not…a...virgin…” you hear him say under his breath as he scribbles something you cannot see on his clipboard. you try leaning forward to see what he’s writing (and if there really was a question like that on the questionnaire but he quickly pulls it closer to his chest, giving you a teasing smirk. “are you on birth control?”

“y-yes?” 

“good to know. last question: got any STDs i need to know about?”

oh, for fuck’s sake. this is ridiculous. does he think you’ve never been to a spa before? the usual thai place you go to never asks this many questions. “do you have any STDs i need to worry about? what is this? 20 questions?”

“you can ask them to me back, i’d be happy to answer them.” he says calmly with a coy smile. “in fact, i’ll answer them right now. no, no, and no.”

you sign in defeat. “no for me too.” maybe this is what happens when a place has like, ten thousand 5 star reviews on google maps. they just ask the weirdest questions. there’s a small voice berating yourself for folding so easily regarding his questions, but whatever. you’re ready to get this treatment over with. 

“okay, take off all your clothes and wear the bathrobe. do you want me to step outside?”

what the hell kinda question is that? of course, he’s supposed to step outside? “um, yeah?” you say it almost obviously, not feeling bad about the attitude that’s coming out of you. 

gojo raises his hand in surrender. “sorry, just askin’...” he grabs his clipboard and steps out of the room, saying he’ll be back in five minutes for the warm up massage. you quickly undress yourself. you have a feeling he’s the type to come in within seconds of knocking on the door without checking to see if you’re decent. you’re unsure where to place your clothes other than the table next to the cabinet so you neatly fold them, hiding your underwear and bra within the folds of your yoga pants and sweatshirt. 

just as promised, gojo shows up five minutes later with one knock before welcoming himself in. he’s holding a dark colored glass bottle filled with a calming essential oil for massaging, and turns on the diffuser in the room. 

“thanks for undressing,” he says, looking at the neatly folded pile of clothes on the counter. “alright, here’s how this is gonna go. i’m gonna give you a nice full body massage to loosen your muscles up, and then we do the facial last, sound good, princess?” 

your skin tingles at him calling you that nickname, but you ignore it. there’s no way i can let my mind wander like that when he’s giving me a massage. you nod your head in agreement, and lay on your back slowly, fidgeting with the ends of  your bathrobe so that you’re not totally exposed to him. gojo slowly hovers his hands over you and lightly touches your stomach, patting it to get your attention, but it causes you suck in a breath a bit too loudly. 

“gotta go on your stomach for me for this one,” he says, urging you to flip around. “gonna undo this, okay?” he tugs at the knot you made on your bathrobe and you nod. he slowly undoes it, and you feel exposed as your breasts peek out through the sides. you cross your legs almost immediately, feeling incredibly exposed in front of a fully clothed gojo. 

you quickly turn on your stomach before he has a chance to take in your body. you feel his cold fingers slowly expose your back, as he stops right before the hump of your ass. you hear him squeezing out some of the oil and warming it up in his hands as he gets to work on your back. 

you suck in a sharp breath between your teeth as his cold fingers explore the knots on your back. 

“cold isn’t it? you’ll get used to my fingers, promise,” he says sweetly, as he hits a spot on your back that’s been particularly bothering you as of late. it’s too late when you let out a moan, and you hear him chuckle. “hit the right spot, didn’t i?”

he continues to undo the knot on your back, and moan back a breathy affirmation as you continue to try (and fail) to hold back your noises. “f-fuck, gojo, that feels s-so good…” you say in between his movements. 

you feel his hot breath in your ear. “told ya to call me satoru, don’t forget it next time, princess.” this time, the nickname goes straight to your pussy. it’s hard to cross your legs when you’re on your stomach and feeling delirious with the pleasure that came from the pressure of his slender fingers. 

unbeknownst you, your soft moans are slowly making their way down to gojo’s member, as he gets harder by the second. he doesn’t want to make it so obvious just yet – he’s just getting start after all. he can’t just blow his load this close into the session, but you’re sure as hell giving him a run for his money. 

“feel good?” you moan in response. gojo slowly inches his fingers down closer and closer to your ass, until it reaches the hem of your bathrobe covering it. “gonna move this down so i can do your legs, yeah?”

gojo will admit, he was a bit too excited to see your ass as he removed your bathrobe down before you could give a proper “yes” but it didn’t matter when you’re soft breaths were giving him the answer he needed. it takes everything in him to not knead the rounds of your perfect ass (he swears your cheeks were made for his hands) and move straight to your calves. 

he slowly massages the soles of your feet and calves with the oil as he moves closer to your thighs, all while relishing in your sweet moans. once he’s at your thighs, the real fun begins. gojo knows this routine like the back of his hands. 

you hear him sigh in confusion. “is everything okay?” you turn your head slightly to see him. 

“sorry about this princess, but you’re gonna have to spread your legs a little bit for me. it’s hard to get every inch of you warmed up, otherwise.”

you obey him almost too easily, and shift your thighs so that there’s more room for him to touch with his fingers. gojo’s hands reach up to slightly cup your ass, before his thumbs slowly slide into your inner thigh, lightly massaging you.

your breaths are getting shallower and louder, and you pray he doesn't go any closer to your pussy so he doesn’t see how soaked you are. you’ve never had a massage like this before, but you also don’t want him to stop. 

gojo’s fingers play with the space of your inner thigh before he spreads you apart, exposing you. you breath catches in your throat, and he performs the next part of his act. 

“we’ve got a pretty unconventional way of massaging our clients, princess.” you hear his voice straining. “gotta make sure you’re relaxed everywhere, but you gotta let me take care of you. think you can do that? all you have to do is relax, and let daddy do everything for you.” you can hear the lust dripping from his voice, but to be honest, you couldn’t give a shit at this point. 

“y-yeah, please, satoru, whatever you want. please, i just…i just feel so good right now,” you say, your eyes shut tight, and your hips practically squirming under his touch. you think you might go insane if he doesn’t touch you there in the next second. 

hook, line, and sinker. who’s gojo to deny your request? he graduated top of his class at his cosmetology and esthetician university, after all. his fingers glide almost too easily between your folds as he starts playing with your throbbing core. he can feel how needy your pussy is for his hands as he spreads your slick all over your core. 

the pleasure immediately gets caught in the pillow that muffles your moans. fuck, so this is what all the reviews were talking about. you feel his fingertips dancing around your clit and you want to shout at him to pay attention to it. 

“s-satoru~ p-please…i need you right there…” you say in between your moans. 

“where? here?” gojo’s finger taps your clit lightly, and it makes your entire body twitch with pleasure. he has to press down on the small of your back to keep you place as his fingers rub circles around your bundle of nerves, making you whimper. you unconsciously grind your hips against his fingers, trying to get close to your release. 

“need a better angle. face down, ass up.” gojo commands, and your body conforms to his words. you prop your lower body up with your knees while your face is sideways against the head of the massage table. he uses this now better angle to really rub his fingers into your folds and bundle of nerves, sending electricity throughout your body. you feel the dam building up inside you and threatening to break. 

“satoru~ i’m-i’m getting c-close…ah~” you hands grip on to the sides of the massage table as you brace for the earth shattering orgasm to rip through you, and with gojo’s deft fingers, you’re on cloud nine in no time. 

your body slumps back down and your eyes roll back as the vibrations of your release still radiate through your body. you hear  your pulse pumping through your head as you try to catch you breath, but you feel gojo’s now warm hands flip you on your back, and his face inches from yours. 

“you took that so well, princess. we’re not done, yet. there’s still another part of your body that needs to warm up.” you don’t have time to process what he means as he inserts two fingers into his mouth and then deep inside your entrance. your gasp is muffled by his mouth connecting to yours, hard, teeth and all. his fingers are long, and they easily find your sensitive g-spot as they curl upwards and bully your internal bundle of nerves. it’s quite embarrassing how quickly you’re ready for another release, and how hungry your entrance was for his finger, practically sucking them in and clenching around them immediately. 

“f-fuck~ i’m about to-” you don’t get to finish your sentence, as another orgasm rips through your body. gojo kisses you again to block your moans, and your hands wrap around his neck to pull him even closer to you. he playfully bites on your lower lip as you ride out your release on his fingers. 

gojo’s kisses turn into soft quick pecks as your breathing steadies and your eyes can focus again. “we’re not done yet,” he teases, slowly taking his slick coated fingers out of you. 

you don’t even have the energy to respond back as he flips you on you back. through heavy eyes, you look back up at him, biting back a moan as he restarts rubbing circles on your extremely sensitive clit. he needs to take off his shirt and fuck you already. 

“need something?” gojo teases, sensing your neediness from just your eyes. 

“take off your shirt, dumbass.” you say through gritted teeth. 

“try again.” he presses harder on your clit, and you let out an unsanctioned yelp through your teeth. 

“f-fuck~ please take off your shirt, dumbass.”

he smiles. “well, if you insist…” he rolls his eyes, feigning inconvenience, but the slowly growing tent in his pants says otherwise. gojo unbuttons his shirt, revealing a perfectly sculpted torso. now this is just unfair. 

“geez, my eyes are up here.” he teases, smirking at you as you quickly meet his eyes and feel your face flush. he unbuckles his belt and you slowly sit up from the massage table. you’re overcome with the urge to touch him, everywhere. you hook your finger to the belt loop of his pants and pull him closer to you. 

gojo smirks as he wraps his arms around hips and leans down to kiss you deeply. you feel your core ache for his touch again as his tongue explores your mouth again. you trace his perfectly sculpted torso, the indents of his abs slightly sweaty to your touch. your hands slowly make their way to the zipper of his slacks, but gojo immediately grabs your wrist to stop you from taking them fully off. 

“not just yet…” he murmurs in between kisses. while his lips are still locked on you, he slowly pushes your body back on the massage table and starts kissing down your bare stomach, the measly bathrobe long since discarded somewhere on the floor. gojo leaves small wet kisses along your body until he reaches your inner thighs. 

you suck in a breath as you involuntarily spread your legs for him, earning an enthusiastic hum from gojo, who’s still continuing to leave a trail of kisses that are inching closer and closer to where you need his mouth to be the most. “p-please~” you moan, your eyes closed in bliss. 

“please what, princess? use your words,” gojo coos, coming face to face with your soaking wet core. he blows on the sensitive bundle of nerves, causing your legs to twitch.

you can’t stand his fucking teasing but you need to be eaten out, so bad. “f-fuck y-you, gojo~” you say, pushing your core up to his face, trying to aim for his mouth before he easily pushes your hips back on the table. you hear him tsk in disapproval, and tears welling up in your eyes in desperation. “please, your tongue…inside me…please~” you whimper weakly. 

“since you begged so nicely…” gojo says before he immediately plunges his tongue inside you, almost making you scream. his tongue expertly explores your folds and sucks on your clit, making you inadvertently grind on his face. “y’taste so delicious, princess,” he says between licks as he eats you out like it’s the last pussy on earth. 

his ministrations with his tongue has you teetering on the edge in record time, and you’re threatening to spill within minutes of him eating you out. as the third wave of pleasure washes over you, you don’t have the energy in you to ask for permission as you feel your body tingle in the aftermath of it. you think you made a mess all over the massage table and gojo’s face, but you don’t have it in you to care as your eyes roll back. 

you feel gojo unbuckle his belt and take off his slack and underwear, exposing his hard member in his hands. you can see the precum leaking out the tip as you weakly lean on your elbows to prop yourself up. 

“see, princess, all those questions did have a reason after all…” he says in between breaths as he strokes himself, looking at your naked glistening body. you spread your legs further in anticipation of feeling him. “but there you were, being such a fuckin’ brat about answering them…” gojo says, eyebrows furrowing as he brings his tip closer to your core and you bite your lip in anticipation. 

“guess you better fuck the attitude outta me, then?” you say, looking up at him through heavy lidded eyes filled with mindless lust. you don’t even care about the consequences or who hears or even if you get your facial – you just need him. every part of your body craved him. 

gojo wastes no time at your suggestion, his tip entering you as you let out a lecherous moan. you feel the initial pain of his larger than average member tearing your tight entrance apart, and bite back a moan. gojo grits his teeth as he lets out a steady throaty groan. 

“fuck, princess. so fuckin’ tight. sure you’re not a virgin?” 

“s’too much satoru, y-you’re huge…ahh~” 

“too bad, princess.” he says, surprising you as he starts thrusting agonizingly slowly into you, bottoming out and effectively reaching the sensitive spot inside you. pain slowly turns into pleasure as you indulge in the feeling of your g-spot getting kissed by his member – the spot that you can never reach by yourself using your own fingers.  

“f-faster, please~” you urge gojo, and he obliges almost immediately, quickening his pace. he bullies your sloppy and wet core, as he watches your titties bounce with every thrust. unlike most people his age, it’s times like this where gojo realizes he really fucking loves his job. 

he reaches out and gives your titties a rough squeeze while he remains unrelenting in his pace. he feels your pussy clench around him, and he knows you’re close, and if he’s being honest, so is he. but he cannot cum just yet, and definitely not before you do. gojo abandons your titties and slides down his fingers to your clit as he starts rubbing inelegant circles around it, getting you closer and closer to the edge. 

you feel the dam breaking once again as the combination of him rubbing and fucking you comes to a climax. the orgasm travels to every corner of your body, as you see stars in your vision while gojo fucks your brains out. you hold on to his shoulders to steady yourself. based on how sloppily gojo is getting, you can tell he’s about to get close, too. you’re about to brace for him to finish inside you, when he abruptly pulls out, earning him a confused look from you. 

“lay down,” he commands more than asks, as he hastily pushes your chest down on the massage table. your sweaty skin sticks to the faux leather, but you don’t pay attention as he moves to the side of your face, holding his soaked member near it. 

gojo starts stroking his throbbing leaking member sensually, and you innately open your mouth and stick your tongue out. so this is the facial? the dots connected in your head at the same time gojo’s ropes of warm cum decorated your face – chin, cheeks, mouth, and all. you hear gojo’s throaty groans as he finishes on you and make sure not a single drop that gets on or near mouth gets wasted, swallowing pridefully. 

gojo leans closer to your ear as he catches his breath from his climax. “that’s the milkbomb facial,” he says cheekily, and you can’t help but giggle. you both take a couple more seconds to catch your breath. you watch gojo as he puts on his pants and tucks in his shirt, looking like he didn’t just fuck the shit out of you. he runs his fingers through his hair quickly as he goes to the counter and pulls out a warm eucalyptus towel as he takes his time to gently wipe your face and body. 

“that was fun,” you murmur, looking at the ceiling, finally understanding what the reviews you read about this earlier place meant. you definitely came here, multiple times in one day for sure. 

gojo chuckles as he goes over to wash his hands and you notice his forearms are glistening with your release. “that’s why we’re the best spa out here, princess.”

you notice your legs shaking slightly, but you manage to hop off the massage table, slightly dazed. gojo notices and helps you get on your feet and put on your clothes. the entire activity is soft and gentle compared to how he was just a couple minutes before. 

everything that you both have done in the past hour finally dawns on you, and you suddenly feel very shy despite whatever the contrary happened on the massage table. it’s so awkward now, like, what do you guys even talk about now? does he do this to everyone? is this their entire schtick?

“do you…do this with all your clients?” you whisper to him as you follow him out into the hallway to the exit. you cross your hands tightly to your chest, as if it’s shrouding you from other people finding out what happened in the room behind you. 

“ah, i’m not one to kiss and tell.” gojo puts his hands in his pockets and glances back at you, giving you a quick wink as you follow behind him, trying to keep up with him as he turns corners.s

“oh, so you do do this everyone, huh?” you challenge, your shyness slowly melting away with gojo’s playful tone.. 

“did you enjoy it?”

a pause from you.. “yes.”

“then don’t worry about it, kitten.” gojo pauses before he opens the door and turns to you. “listen, i wouldn’t mind if you came here again for the tokyo special, you know. i’ll even give you a discount, too.” he says earnestly. 

you let out a giggle. “oh? a discount?”

“yeah, the tight pussy discount.”

“shut up!” you say, and you playfully smack his shoulder, and you both laugh. 

“so… is that a yes? i’ll see you next week?” 

you bite your lip. “maybe, i dunno.” you give him a wink before opening the door, and you both know fully well that you’ll be back on the massage table again in no time with gojo pounding into you. 

needless to say, gojo wasn’t lying when he said they were the best spa in town because by the time your sister’s wedding came around, your face was quite literally glowing. 

“wow! y/n – you’re just looking so radiant today! what’s your secret?” an auntie who’s name you cannot remember gleams, looking at you. 

you smirk, and try to hold back the heat from flushing your cheeks. “oh, just a really good facial,” you say. technically, you’re being honest, right?

“jesus, dude. is this all from skin care daddy?” nobara says, as the tenth person from the wedding compliments your skin. 

“you have no idea. they really know what they’re doing.” you say nonchalantly. you pull out your phone and text a recently saved number. 

you: got any slots for a tokyo special tomorrow?

within minutes you get a response: 

gojo: u know i do babygirl. btw a new guy just joined our spa. hope it’s cool sukuna joins to observe  😈

[declareqenius]

all the ashes in my wake

summary: part two of "some would sing and some would scream". wanda and natasha have several heated conversations while they wait for you to wake up. it's been days and both of them miss hearing your voice, and they know the last thing you would want to see is them fighting, but wanda can't help tearing into natasha for everything that happened. natasha's guilt eats away at her.

warnings: mentions of the violence in pt 1, coma

a/n: guys i really just wanted to get this one out. i haven't read through it/edited it so any mistakes are... well, mistakes. but hey! we get wanda in this one! i feel like i could have gone a little darker as far as wandanat are concerned, but we do what we can! i hope you enjoy!

The infirmary room is cold and sterile and a heaviness settles over the exhausted woman. Wanda keeps hold of your hand as if letting it go means that you'll slip away for good. She's careful of the IV stuck in the back of your hand giving you fluids. In a way, it serves as a reminder that blood still flows through your veins and your heart still beats, and that even though your bright smile and musical laugh don't fill the room, you're still alive.

Wanda brushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear. She doesn't know how many times she has done that in the past three days, but the gesture comforts her. Tucking your hair behind your ear so she can see your beautiful face better and looking into your sparkling eyes is one of her favorite things to do. Your gaze holds so much love and adoration and it always makes her wish she would never have to live without it.

Your eyes are closed now.

Wanda hates every second of it.

Bruce said that even if you don't respond that you can still hear everything. Wanda trusts that he's telling the truth and it wasn't something he said just to make her feel better.

So she talks to you. About anything and everything she can think of. Your favorite TV show that is on the air right now or the book that you recommended and she finally read. How much she loves you and how she can't wait for you to wake up. How sorry she is that she wasn't there sooner. She makes promises that she intends to uphold. Ones about revenge and torture and everything you would hate and tell her not to worry about were you conscious. Wanda smiles at the thought. She won't listen, though. The Celestials hurt her family. Hurt the love of her life. She can't let that go unanswered for.

Right now, though, you are her priority.

The door handle clicks and Wanda doesn't need to look up. She knows it's Natasha coming back from telling Steve and Yelena what happened. Can feel the exhaustion and guilt dripping from her without having to so much as glance in her direction.

"Wands-"

"I don't want to talk to you right now, Natalia. Sit."

Wanda nods to the unoccupied chair on the other side of the bed without taking her eyes off of you. She's being harsh and she knows it. Natasha was there with you. Right by your side. Made to watch as the leader of their enemies hurt you in the most sloppily calculated way. She was powerless against Najma and Wanda knows this, but all rationality left her when she burst into the cell and laid eyes on your bleeding body, slumped over, barely an ounce of life in you, and her anger nearly consumed her.

She almost leveled the entire block.

The only thing that stopped her was Natasha, carrying you in her arms, reminding her that time was scarce.

So yes, perhaps she is being too harsh with her wife, but somehow you had become their entire lives. Their reason for being. Neither of them would know what to do without you, and they came very close to losing you under Natasha's watch.

They will be okay eventually. They survived many fights and many arguments before you came along.

Tears form in Wanda's eyes.

"Yelena is wondering when she'll be able to see Y/N." Natasha's voice breaks the silence. It's rough and scratchy.

"After she wakes up."

Four words and Wanda can feel how they form on her tongue. Her Sokovian accent is thick with her anger and distress despite the words being spoken soft and firm.

"Wanda," Natasha starts to protest but the finality in her wife's tone makes her go quite.

"Nat."

It's then that Wanda decides to look up at Natasha. Decides to let her wife see her and every emotion that makes its way onto her face and every thought that swirls around in her mind.

Natasha pauses for a moment, taken aback by everything she sees her wife going through. The made-up scenarios. The what-ifs. She knows because she went through every last one of them when she was in that cell with you. To see the same thoughts cluttering Wanda's mind, well, it only makes her guilt worse.

She clears her throat, "Yelena is her best friend."

It comes out as more of a fact than an argument.

At that, Wanda turns her attention back to you, "I don't want anyone except for us and Bruce to see her like this. They don't need to."

"They want to know that she's okay, Wands."

"Tell them that she is. That she will be. That's all they need to know for right now. They need to focus on getting the jump on Najma and the Celestials. Our focus is Y/N. I think our family is capable enough to come up with a plan by themselves, don't you?"

Wanda's calmness is starting to make Natasha uncomfortable and she shifts in her chair. She refuses to touch you, though, afraid of what might happen if she did. Would your body crumble under her fingertips? If you were conscious would your body recoil at her touch? For letting you get hurt. For not protecting you like she should have.

Suddenly streams of tears silently make their way down Natasha's cheeks.

"I'm sorry I let this happen."

Wanda's eyes meet hers again and Natasha feels like she can breathe a little easier. It isn't perfect and she guesses it won't be perfect for a long time, but time will help. The fear will linger within both of them because Natasha knows Wanda almost as well as she knows herself, and she knows that neither of them will be letting you out of their sight for a while after you wake up. Until Najma is taken care of, at least.

Wanda tilts her head as she tries to get a better read on Natasha without using her powers. Even if they would help in the moment she has rules for herself: never on Natasha and never on you.

"They caught you off guard. It is a hard position to be in, radnaja."

Darling. The pet name helps Natasha relax a little more, but her hands stay folded in her lap.

"We needed- I needed to protect her better. We promised to keep her safe and I couldn't do that, Wands. I failed her and I disappointed you and... and what if she decides to leave when she wakes up? I would be the reason we came so close to losing her... and then to actually lose her? I don't know if we could survive it."

"Nat... Y/N loves us with everything she is. Just as we love her. I need you to be confident in that."

Natasha wants to scoff but instead she fidgets with her hands, "Confident? In what, Wanda? That she'll wake up and we'll pretend everything is fine and that we're not the reason she almost fucking died?! That the two people she loves most in the world couldn't protect her like they promised they would? I was powerless Wanda! I couldn't stop them! I-" Natasha's tears flow freely and although the tension in the room is building, she feels safe enough to let herself go in the presence of her wife, "I couldn't save her!"

"Natalia Romanova-Maximoff!" Wanda stands for the first time in hours but she does not drop your hand. It's the only thing grounding her right now. "This is not entirely your fault, radnaja. Maybe if you would have kicked and punched more when they took you then we would be in a different position. Maybe if you had given Najma the answers she was looking for then Y/N wouldn't have been injured as badly as she is but these are all what-ifs, Natasha! What if I had been there with her instead? What if I had been with both of you that night? What if I would have gotten to you sooner? What if she had died!"

Finally, the question that has been on both of their minds since Bruce had walked into the meeting room with your blood all over his neatly ironed button up and jeans- he didn't have time to even think about putting his lab coat on- and told them that you would eventually be okay.

"I have been asking myself that question every day for the past three days," Wanda finishes, salt on her tongue, nose red, and her scarlet hoodie stained with tears.

Natasha cannot find it within herself to tell her wife the new information Bruce gave her in the meeting. While he operated and stitched until he could barely stand any longer; you flatlined once. Your heart decided to give up for a minute and Natasha hasn't had the proper amount of time to process something like that, but the time would never come for Wanda to be able to process the reality of such a thing.

Both women stare down at you with puffy eyes and red noses. You are the most precious thing in the world to them. They hate seeing you so lifeless, and the only wave of hope keeping them afloat is your steady breaths.

The fight has left both of them, but an air of tension remains. They are nowhere near finished with their conversation. With taking their frustrations out. Hopefully they'll have everything figured out before you wake up. Natasha knows how much you hate playing peacemaker when they actually have fights and really get going at each other, but she also knows that her wife can hold a grudge.

She doesn't think Wanda will actually hold a grudge after you wake up, but for now her anger and grief towards Natasha are the only things emotionally anchoring her to reality.

"I miss her, Wands," Natasha sniffs and wipes the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"Me too, Natalia. Me too."

They sit in silence for a minute, taking everything in. There are no windows in the room and during the day that means zero sunlight. You always say that time in the sun is one of the most important parts of your daily routine, and it always helps you cool down when you're stressed out or in a bad mood.

Natasha is the first to break the silence, speaking directly to you.

"You are going to hate this room so much when you wake up, detka," she muses with the smallest smile.

Wanda only glances at her before turning her attention back to you and sitting down in her chair, trapped in her mind just as Natasha is, but not all hope is lost and for that, the older woman is grateful.

"Believe it or not, she was the calm one. During everything."

"Natasha."

Her name is said softly although there is still a warning behind it, but she needs this and she believes that Wanda does too. Even if she doesn't know it yet.

"Please, Wanda."

Wanda just sighs and nods, never taking her eyes off of you.

"Najma had me struggling within ten minutes. Begged her to take me instead and to let Y/N go. I don't know why I thought it would work, but I think I just wanted Y/N to know that even if I couldn't get us out of there in that moment... I was trying. I would keep trying."

Natasha's voice is still scratchy as her exhaustion slowly catches up with her.

"Y/N was so firm with me. She said not to tell Najma anything and she meant it. I don't think I've ever heard her be that direct before, but she left no room for argument. She knew what the information would do to the family because she... she sees us as her family, Wands." The redhead sniffs and wipes at her eyes when her tears return, making a prominent trail down her cheeks.

"We are all she has left and she means the world to us! And... and I let her down so much. So, so much, Wanda. She stayed so calm! She did so good! She talked to Najma. She had a conversation with the woman who had a knife to her cheek!" Natasha's laugh is reserved, but her features are shock-ridden and amazed, bordering on flabbergasted and anxiety-filled.

Wanda finally looks up at her wife. Natasha is starting to spiral and there is no way to stop it other than just letting her get it all out, so the Sokovian keeps listening to and watching her wife. The recount of events is told with animated hand gestures and tears gliding down Natasha's cheeks, and Wanda's heart clenches.

"We were doing so well. She was doing so well. Then, Najma stabbed her and my heart dropped. I thought it was over. I thought we had lost her for good." The hand gestures come to an abrupt halt and the tension in the room is once again palpable, but not so much as before.

Natasha looks down at you with pleading eyes, "Please forgive me, malyshka," she drops to both knees and finally takes your hand in hers and whispers, "please."

She kisses the back of your hand delicately and you can feel each tear drop as they land in the exact spot she kissed. There is no need to wonder why your girlfriend is crying. You remember everything.

Your eyes slowly blink open to see Natasha's own eyes closed and Wanda staring at her wife with a thoughtful expression. The love they have for each other makes you want to smile, but the urge to reassure your sobbing mob boss girlfriend wins.

"I..." talking hurts but you need to say the words. Natasha needs to know! "Forgive... you. Always... Natty."

[cherienymphe]

Do you have any tips on studying the art of seduction or tapping into your sensuality as a woman? Books, movies, anything helps!

Rare topic of conversation alert but-

Forget men entirely. Tapping into your sensuality as a woman has nothing to do with men and everything to do with you and your love for yourself.

Date yourself. Court yourself. Move through life like you are in a relationship with you (because you are) and act accordingly. Treat yourself with care. Nourish your hair and skin and invest time + energy into making your mind and body feel good. Epsom salt baths, dancing, body oils, hair oils, buying yourself flowers, taking yourself on dates, meditation.

You can't be sensual if you're ignorant of and afraid of your own body. Familiarize yourself with it (stand naked in the mirror a lot, touch yourself non sexually a lot, study your own body a lot). You have to love your body and feel comfortable in your natural form. You have to feel confident and good both in and out of clothes.

That last part can intertwine with sexuality too. It's important to know what you like and what makes you feel good. It's healthy. Experimenting with self pleasure can help you learn a lot of things about yourself, some of them even non sexual.

Sensual means physically pleasing and it's related to the 5 senses, and taking the time to really indulge in those 5 senses will help you. We all know that things that are pleasing to the ear can have the power to relax us or turn us on, so listen to things that get your blood moving and make you feel warm. It could be asmr, it could be binaural beats, it could be a creator who reads stories and poems. I personally love to listen to Tom Hiddleston read poetry and short stories. He has a voice that is very audibly pleasing to me. Buy and wear scents that lift your mood, watch media or look at art that stirs up intense feelings. Indulge in touching things and things that feel good on your skin. Sleep naked, sit in the grass, walk on sand. Eat things that are very flavorful and juicy and messy lol. If you drink wine, I'd actually encourage you to research what kind of wine is best to drink with certain foods that really make flavors pop. Play music around the house, light scented candles or wax melts, give yourself massages. Just really indulge and take advantage of all of the senses that you can.

Look up sumrandomchick, zitacherry, and Anastasiamoongirl on tiktok

Movies/TV: kama sutra a tale of love, dangerous beauty (1998), The Borgias (Giulia Farnese and Lucrezia in particular), The Woman King, Moulin Rouge, Margarita With a Straw, The Handmaiden, She's Gotta Have It (2017), Belle de Jour (1967), Poor Things (I have yet to see this one but I have heard praises on its exploration of female sexuality). I personally don't want to recommend Memoirs Of A Geisha due to its wildly awful inaccuracies (so much so that the woman it's loosely based off of tried to sue the author I'm sure), however, if you take it with a grain of salt and have good discernment, there can be gems found in it.

[lifeiskentastic]

Ken x gn!Reader as friends to lovers story

A/n: my first fic on tumblr… and hopefully not the last;) also english is my second language so if you notice a mistake please write to me about it, 'cause i'm just learning and this will help me a lot.

Summary: A real world reader finds a box of vinyl records in Ken's house, which leads to an unexpected turn of events.

Genre: fluff, comfort, friends to lovers;

Song played in fic: Biggest Part of Me by Ambrosia;

World count: 805 words;

Hope you enjoy!

***

"Ken, can I borrow this, please?"

You point to a small box in the corner of Ken's House (and yes, as it turns out, it does really exist), right by the entrance. Although it may look small at first glance, if you take the lid off, you'll be genuinely surprised at how much can this thing hold. How many music records can this thing hold.

"Mmm," Ken turned to you in confusion, distracted from the very important task of destroying all available books about patriarchy (only those that mentioned horses survived).

As soon as Ken realized what you were pointing at, he jumped up and ran over to you.

"Oh, this thing..." He exhaled heavily, as if he didn't know how to describe it: "I brought it from your world... I haven't figured out how to use it yet. But it was fun to play with it in Frisbee, though."

You had to hold back your giggles, knowing full well that the box contained not a Frisbee but rather vinyl records of 80s rock hits.

"Ken... Don't worry, I know what it is, and unfortunately, I wouldn't recommend playing with it."

Ken looks at you in confusion, waiting for an explanation.

"Then what does it do?" Now his face was full of curiosity.

"Oh, it's music." You bit your lip, already anticipating that wave of the cutest delight in the entire universe on Ken's face. "My favorite music, for real. What a coincidence!"

"Ah, so that means we can listen to these little flat wheels?"

As difficult as it was, you still controlled your laughter because you didn't want to hurt your friend's feelings.

"Huh... Yes, Ken, wait a minute, I'll play you something."

You had noticed beforehand that the box contained a modern vinyl record player. The only question was where Ken had gotten it from, but you decided to put that aside for later. There are more important things to do now. For example, the culturalization of the inhabitants of Barbieland for unselfish purposes (or one particular inhabitant of Barbieland for, to be honest, a little bit of selfish purposes)

You could feel Ken's intrigued look on your back as you conscientiously chose which song to start your immersion in the deep culture of the 80s. Of course, you chose the one you thought Ken would like the most. Of course, it was a love song.

As the playful melody began to play on the record player, you were very pleased with yourself. But Ken was still on edge. So you wisely decided to relax him a little.

When the first words of Biggest Part of Me by Ambrosia touched your ears, you gently led the surprised Ken into a dance, grabbing him around the waist with one hand and intertwining your palms with the other. He was a little confused, but he quickly realized what was going on and began to follow your movements. His puzzlement turned into a gentle, homely smile, and those two crystal blue eyes look that always gave you goosebumps.

"It's a nice song." He spoke calmly and quietly, though there was no need for that. "Make a wish, baby, and I will make it come true."

He began to sing along to the beat of dance, which suddenly gave him control of the situation.

"I finally found someone who believes in me." Ken kept staring at you, still smiling gently. "I need your love here, next to me."

It seemed as if with every turn in the dance, your faces were getting closer together. And when you felt that you were crossing the line between friendly dancing and something closer and more romantic, you had to stop it. But you didn't want to.

"You're the biggest part of me".

Immediately after these words, Ken stopped singing. He thought for a moment and then confidently proclaimed:

"Hmm, really," he raised his eyebrows as if he had come to some brilliant conclusion, "I really feel like you are the biggest part of me."

You had to swallow because something strange and incomprehensible was preventing the answer from coming out of your throat. However, when you felt your cheeks burning, you realized that this strange and incomprehensible feeling was embarrassment. A very unusual kind of embarrassment, the kind that you shouldn't normally feel towards a friend.

"M-m", You understood that Ken was waiting for your answer, so you gathered all your willpower into a fist and said, "I feel something similar, Ken."

Ken's smile grew bigger, and his joy radiated from him like rays from the sun.

"I'm, ah, glad to hear that... Does that mean we can continue dancing?"

You smile back. Ken was charging you with positivity just by being there.

"Of course, Ken, as much as you want!"

You were both ready for the next song.

Thanks for reading! I'd also love to hear your ideas for the next Barbie fic, so see ya.)

***

[calirph]

𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐍 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐘 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.

All quotes are taken from different books people recommended to me that have similar energy to the bridgerton series and book franchise. Some of these are suggestive, per usual for historical romance diction. Change names, locations and pronouns however you see fit.

Romancing the Duke by Tessa Dare

For God’s sake. Don’t do that.

This is property. Don’t you understand how rare that is for a woman? Property always belongs to our fathers, brothers, husbands, sons. We never get to own anything.

Don’t tell me you’re one of those women with radical ideas.

Of course one kiss changes things. If it's done right, a kiss changes everything.

Listen to me. When a man wakes, he wakes wanting. He wakes hard and rude and aching with need.

Yes. In you. Hard, deep, fast, and completely. Now don’t wake me at this hour again unless you’ve found the perfect retort to that.

But now it’s gone all wrong. Because you’re here in this bed. But I’m here, too. And God help me, Izzy. I don’t know how to leave.

You're not going to ruin my first kiss. I won't let you.

You're pushing me away because you're afraid.

I'm not pushing you away. I believe I just offered to marry you.

There’s no castle big enough to keep a man like me from being aware, every moment, of a woman like you.

Do you understand what I’m saying to you?

When a Scot Ties the Knot by Tessa Dare

Madaline Eloise Gracechurch... I've come here to marry you.

What I'm saying isna romantic. It's raw, primal, and entirely crude.

There's more than one way to share pleasure.

I dinna care about the color of your frock, lass. I'm only going to take off you again.

Quickly, say something unfeeling. Mock my letters. Just do something, anything reprehensible.

Your men, my servants … they could be watching us.

I’m certain they’re watching us. That’s why we’re going to kiss.

..."What burden do you have?

The burden of duty. I led those men into battle.

There was a time when I enjoyed a great deal of female companionship.

Are you saying you were faithful to me?

I mean to make you mine, mo chridhe. Touch all of you. Taste all of you. Learn you from the inside out. Once I've held you like that, I'm not going to let go

Do you feel it? It's only the beginning, mo chridhe.

They’re merely a guard against anything accidental happening.

To Have and to Hoax by Martha Waters

...if you are going to insist on losing faith in someone the moment you see the slightest possibility that they have wronged you, you are going to have a very frustrating life.

I think I’m far too interested in too many things to excel at one single pursuit.

It seems that everything I have heard about you is true.

I am in need of some assistance and I think you are just the man to provide it.

If you’re determined to risk your wife’s reputation rather than have any sort of honest conversation with her…

I’ve never forgotten anything about you, Violet. About us.

But need I remind you that you are a marquess? At some point, you’ll have to produce an heir.

ou’re a reasonably handsome man, if one likes that sort of thing.

I want to be the man who deserves you, because you deserve everything.

I’d rather spend my days arguing with you than in calm conversation with anyone else in the world.

I only hope she can ever forgive me for taking such a damned long time to fully appreciate her.

If I should ever hear you refer to our son as your heir, I will ensure that you never see him.

I've nowhere to be this afternoon. I didn't see any reason to rush the proceedings.

The Raven Prince by Elizabeth Hoyt

I’ve heard some people say my temper is rather . . .

I wouldn’t want to intimidate you, Mrs. Wren.

A garden always has a point.

I am not a nice woman. But despite these facts, my word is gold.

I won’t marry you.

Why not? You were eager enough to fuck me.

I knew we had an attraction. Then you left and I realized you were taking what you felt for me and giving it to another woman. A woman you didn’t even know.

Why did men think that saying something louder made it true?

When a man betrays a woman in such a way, it breaks something in her that I’m not sure can ever be repaired.

I must have an heir. Do you understand? I must marry a woman who can bear children.

I'm not a whore, I'm a courtesan. There's a difference. Whores do it for the money, courtesans do it for the art.

It's never too late to start over and find yourself.

In order to love someone fully, you must first learn to love yourself.

To Catch an Heiress by Julia Quinn

Caroline, do you value your neck?

To call that writing, madam, is an insult to quills and ink across the world.

Not that I knew who you were until last month. But now that I've got you, I'm not letting you go.

Touch me and die.

It's just that I don't think friends tie friends to the bedpost.

You became my business when you took up residence in my house.

I need you. To-night. Right now. I need you.

I just don't care that he isn't offering a reward. In fact, I'm glad I'm much happier here than I was with any of my guardians.

We are here to discuss your foolhardy behavior.

You don’t want me to be your friend.

For the last time, I cannot be  your friend. I could never be your friend. Because I want you.

That’s not the point. You are my wife. I swore to protect you.

You can’t save the entire world.

Minx by Julia Quinn

You don't always have to kiss a lot of frogs to recognize a prince when you find one.

I don't know why people persist in believing women are inferior, when it is quite clear that men are the more feeble-minded of the two.

If I wanted Belle,I would have asked her to marry me.

Believe me, Henry, when I get angry, you'll know.

If this morning wasn't enjoyable, at least it was...shall we say...interesting.

You're a terrible rake, Dunford. Belle told me.

I was mistaken to think I could ever be enough of a woman to please you, to ever think that I could learn what it means to be anyone else but me.

I chose not to follow your advice. Ned is a very nice person. Handsome, personable—a perfect escort.

I very specifically told you to stay away from Ned Blydon.

Hush up, minx. You’re a funny one, but you’re certainly more likable than unlikable.

It takes a minx to tempt a rogue.

[muffinsin]

Hi muffin just read the 'Dimitrescu sisters falling for reader but being too Worried of scaring you to engage with you' drabble and was hoping that you might continue it with the s/o not being scared and actively trying to engage with them. But like fluffy rather than angsty. Maybe with the s/o having to do the leg work for a relationship instead of the sisters. Weird anon

Absolutely, it’s a pleasure! :) had to pull this one to the front while the ref. post is still fresh XD the post referenced can be found here

Let’s get into it! :)

Masterlists

Bela

As days grow into weeks and you keep up your little notes of recommendations, you notice multiple things

1), Bela does read them. Each and every recommendation

2), she has left you ones of her own in the form of the top book on the pile that is to be set back to the shelf

3), she seems to be avoiding you

And she is. Bela can’t help but think: will you flee should she attempt contact?

So far yet, Bela has considered you entirely unsuspecting to her adoration towards you

This is proven wrong one day, however

She flies back to her room as she usually does, aware you’ve long finished cleaning it

Like normal, she snatches the little slip of paper left on her desk, her back hitting the bed as she reads it, expecting another recommendation

But this time, it reads something entirely new

“Anyone who has seen her smile has known perfection. She instills grace in every common thing and divinity in every careless gesture”

Her breath hitches. She knows the quote, and searches her entire bookshelf until she finds the book it is from

Maybe you invented a new game? Maybe now she has to search for the quotes?

Still, she can’t help but hope, dream you mean her

The next day, a new quote awaits her on the slip of paper. This time however, it is left on the dining table for her to find

She is the first to arrive, thankful her sisters can’t spot her blush when she reads the note

“I look at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world”

Bela suddenly feels your eyes on her, her blonde hair whipping in the air as she realises she is alone with you

It’s another good two or three minutes until her family will join her at the dinner table

No other maiden is here, merely you

Bela gulps as you walk towards her, her eyes nervously flashing to the side.

Will you call her out on her notes? Will you be upset?

No, neither

She gasps and blushes like a damn maiden herself when you’re in front of her and, upon attempting to take a step back, the back of her thighs hit the table

She nearly stumbles, her cheeks burning bright pink as your hands shoot to her hip and arm to steady her

You’re entirely too close for her to hope to conceal her attraction to you

“Careful, Milady. We wouldn’t want you to fall”, you speak

She’s never actually heard you talk and she finds, she is in love with your voice too

Bela can’t help but chuckle at your words. Your concern is a little late, for she has fallen, so hard, for you

She notices, you’re not letting go of her hip, and your hand slides up her arm and cups her warm cheek

She feels, for the first time in her reborn life, like a deer in the headlights. She can’t even breathe, only stare wide eyed at you

You don’t think she’s a monster? Impossible

“You have beautiful eyes, Lady Bela”, you admit. She instinctively closes them, her head attempting to turn and failing to do so with your hand on her cheek

If it wasn’t for her adamant blush and shaky breaths, you would be worried you understood her notes and glances all wrong

When Bela does look at you again, you’re impossibly close

Your breath tickles her lips

“You’re…unique. I can’t help but feel drawn towards you”, you whisper, and you’re honest with your words

There isn’t much you know of her yet, but her room has told you a few things

Such as her taste in books, mostly literature, a few romance books hidden away in the corners. Her little secret, it seems

She’s extremely neat and organised, all has a proper place in her room, and a proper pattern she follows

She loves lavender. There’s multiple lavender scented things- candles, soaps, perfumes, pillows- in her room

You wonder if this is to cover up the smell of blood she carries with her

Something you now come to realise about her?

Bela is adorably shy

The poor thing is so focused on her work at all times, she has little idea how to act around someone she likes and shows interest in her

Bela gasps when you raise your hand, your sleeve caught between your thumb and index fingertip as you brush it along her bloodied lips

Her eyes closed again, contentedly. She wishes her family will take their sweet time. She doesn’t want this moment to end

“I believe, you have me wrapped around your finger, my beautiful Bela”, you whisper boldly

She watches you lean in slowly, her hands gripping the table edge as she leans forwards, so eager to taste your lips with hers

With a hum, this wish is granted, and your hand on her cheek merely keeps her against you as you share a loving kiss

Cassandra

Despite what she thinks, you are not at all oblivious to her presence

How could you be, when she is there constantly as you work?

Not that you mind. You enjoy her company greatly, even if she is quiet and stays distant

It’s nice not to be alone, while not having to worry about fixing an awkward silence

Cassandra’s lounging spot, right above you and near the warm heat rising from the furnace, is poorly hidden if only one looks up

However, you don’t allow her to notice you spotting her yet. You know, this would make her leave

After all, she’s far too adorable, leaning against her palm as she watches, almost dreamily, all day every day

You find yourself intrigued and attracted fast

It’s no surprise, really. A blind woman could tell Cassandra is beautiful

You don’t know much of her personality, only what she lets on by what she commissions

You find fast, Cassandra knows her weapons

She prefers fast ones, and swords

She enjoys swords greatly, yet rather to look at than use. The times you’ve- admittedly- let your eyes linger on her in the distance whenever she is seen dragging new prey in the castle, she’s never had a sword attached to her side

Daggers, and her signature weapon- a sickle

Cassandra is described as brutal and dangerous, and it intrigues you

You can’t help but to like the thought of this dangerous and sadistic, “monstrous” (although you can’t see her this way, even when you are not blind to what she does to the staff), and bloodthirsty woman becoming this flustered, tamed, dreamy woman around you

Sometimes, you turn your head upwards a little, just to see her quickly turn into her swarm

It’s adorable to fluster her. She’s adorable, you settle on

You begin attempting to court her, using gifts and additions to her commissions she seems to like on her weapons, even metallic hearts, which she seems to be a big fan of!

Never does she leave a gift of yours untouched or denied

Yet, she seems oblivious to it all, to the implications behind them

You don’t blame her. You wonder, has anybody ever tried courting her?

You don’t mind upping your efforts- you’ll just need to try harder

Cassandra feels painfully flustered at the many hearts she receives. It’s her favorite thing, really!

In a way, she hopes: is this for her? To show you like her?

To show you accept her?

She is a predator

She is sadistic

She does enjoy gore and killing and the screams of her victims

She is a monster in every way

Could you possibly love her despite all of this?

With all of this?

Cassandra finds something strange at her door next- a beautiful, silver crown

She blushes at the small realisation- you know she prefers silver rather than gold…she has never asked for a gold weapon, she supposes. Always iron or silver

A crown, though?

She doesn’t understand. What is she supposed to do with a crown?

As she lifts it from the floor, she realizes the small letters carved in italic at the inner side of the crown, where only she could see them

“A crown fit for a queen”

She curses at herself for blushing like a damn maiden and smiling wide and foolishly like Daniela

She isn’t supposed to like such stuff! She isn’t supposed to want your arms around her, nor to be held and fight alongside you…

Yet, she can’t help but put the crown on her head, unsure as she stands in front of a lengthy mirror

She looks…pretty. She likes it, she decides

It’ll be her own little secret. Mother doesn’t have to know about it

Bela doesn’t

Daniela definitely can’t know about this

Cassandra is once again lounging on her favourite spot when she sees you craft something rather unusual:

A sword, a beautiful one at that

With the Dimitrescu sigil embedded in it, a yellow gemstone at the bottom of the rich, leather handle, and small hearts adorning it

She can’t help but lean a little closer. She’s so curious

What masterpiece have you crafted now?

This is, when Cassandra leans a little too far down and forwards in her eagerness to see

With a loud shriek and a mess of flies around her, she falls, right through the warm steam that forbids swarming, and into your muscular arms

She’s blushing and gasping, caught bridal style and held in a way she has never been before

“Good day, Lady Cassandra”, you can’t help but blurt out, the sword held in your hand as you steady her in your arms

In return, you merely receive adorably wide, golden eyes, even with her lazy eye, and parted lips you yearn to taste

You know, you must use this opportunity to act before she is off again

Her gasp is once again swallowed by your lips when you push them against hers quickly, merely pecking them before she swarms away, bumping first into the pillar, then brokenly swarming out the door

Daniela

She sighs dreamily as she watches, every day, until you’re done with your work in the garden for the day

Sometimes she does this from the safety of her room, so far up and away you have no chance of seeing her

At other times, she watches from the library

The view is better there, and the room feels cosier

More alive

Less lonely

Of course, you notice her

You notice the longing glances that go your way, belonging to the the beautiful creature sitting at the library’s window

She looks so lonely, so sad and dreamy, yet so captivating, so beautiful and stunning

Her reputation is the one of a siren, luring people in and slaughtering them. A monster. A villain. The worst of the bunch

But, you see past such lies

You see the woman yearning for attention and love

The dreamy glances, the gloved, petite fingertips that rest gently against the cold window

It’s as if she is reaching for you, only when her mind is distracted enough and she cannot stop herself from doing it

She’s desperate for touch. For love. You want nothing but to give her both unconditionally

Sweet Daniela Dimitrescu has you wrapped around her fingers before you even interact with her once

You notice her stares, see her eying the flowers outside

You don’t understand why she won’t visit you outside. Why she won’t pluck the flowers she so dearly seems to want

Very well- if she won’t take one for herself, you will simply deliver them for her, you decide

You bring her ones, and smile when you see the enthusiastic smile on her face in return

It’s as if her smile brights up not only her face, but the entire room

She tends to them, and folds them into a flower crown as she sits at the window, too occupied to notice it is now you who cannot take your eyes off her

When she sets the crown on her head, you nearly accidentally push the shovel into your boot instead of the dirty ground

She’s beautiful

Yet, all too soon, the flowers die in the warm castle, and her expression turns sad

You find out, it’s an expression you don’t want to see on her face. It has no place on it at all

You quickly come up with a plan to change her frown, and it works!

Daniela adores the paper flowers left for her. She turns them into a bouquet, and all too eagerly carries them with her

One day, she sits at the window seat at the library yet again, tracing the snowflake as it turns into a drop of icy water than runs down the glass

She jumps upon seeing you in front of her, your fingertip pressing against hers with only the glass separating you two

Daniela blushes at this

Could it be?

She drags her fingertip down, her breath held

But, you follow, and yet again yet it where hers is

She beams at you. You understand!

She watches with wide, golden eyes as you breathe on the glass, turning about a third of it foggy

You adore the giggle that is pulled from her cherry lips when you trace a flower in the foggy area with your gloved finger

Daniela grins widely, repeating your action at the bottom part of the window

She traces a heart there, with a small smiley drawn inside

You adore her mind

Daniela groans as she hears you being called over to continue your work, a small pout back on her lips

Why must she be so adorable?, you wonder

Yet, her pouty expression is quickly replaced with a flustered one when you wink at her and blow her a kiss before you leave to continue your work

[moonlit-dreamers]

hello hi ohno here I read ur tags and patiently waiting in your inbox I'd love to see any au stuff you make about mad scientist au pleasepleaseplease tag me if you post anything about it hehehhohoho

made a bit of an au of my own! went a bit feral and got a bit silly and now this exists

this au was originally meant to be something else but went "fuck it we ball" and changed it a bit. moon is the biologist here! botanist? probably botanist. he does research on plants and sees how they interact with the human body. he mainly focuses on medicines and wut materials work best for wut. tho hes also just a plant nerd and is fascinated with everything plant

sun is a librarian. while he certainly doesnt know as much as moon he still knows quite a bit just from listening to his rambles and helping him find books for research. theyre roommates in one shitty apartment together but they make it work

then theres eclipse. eclipse is the parasite that has latched onto a curious sun, dug out his eye, and is now slowly digging into his brain and slowly taking control. moon found them while on a walk. eclipse was just happily latched onto the rotting corpse of an animal and moon took them back to his lab. i mean, wouldnt u take a strange parasitic plant back home with u bc u were unable to identify it?

anyway. moon ran a lot of experiments on eclipse, and they didnt like that. how does a plant feel emotion? dont ask me this is fiction. i recommend u suspend ur disbelief for this entire au

i will definitely explain more in another post... or just write a fic bc damnit i really want to

meme before we go

(also tag ur other account here @ohno-the-sun)

[lurkingshan]

Hiii Shan,

I cannot remember for the life of me if I asked you about it or not and tumblr search does not help. I've been listening to the @the-conversation-pod round-up ep and apart from making me burst out laughing in public transport, it got me thinking about 'I Cannot Reach You' and the friends-to-lovers trope. Have you ever listed your fav dramas that use it? If not, can I ask for one pretty pretty please?

Thank you for listening to the @the-conversation-pod! And this is such a good question, because friends to lovers is actually a hard trope to get right and often isn't executed that well. It's also a term that is often misapplied to mean something more like friendly to lovers, aka a romance that starts out with the main pair meeting and keeping things platonic for awhile before they escalate to romance.

A true execution of the friends to lovers trope in its purest form is a relationship change narrative, and that requires an established and important friendship, a major transition in the way both members of the pair view each other, and most importantly, lots of angst. If there's no serious anxiety and fear about the changing feelings and losing the friendship present in the narrative, it's not actually friends to lovers, it's just a natural romantic relationship progression. So something like Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo, while a great story about a pair of college students who establish a friendship before eventually realizing they like each other, is not really a FTL as defined here. And my beloved Sing My Crush doesn't qualify either, because romantic feelings were present the entire time, just suppressed.

So with those parameters set, there are only a handful of dramas I think have done this really well. Onto the list:

I Cannot Reach You

You already mentioned this one, so let me just reiterate what I said on the podcast: it's the best friends to lovers bl ever made. This story absolutely nails the relationship change arc and puts us in Kakeru's shoes as he realizes his best friend since childhood 1) is gay and 2) has developed feelings for him, and takes us along for the ride as he decides what he wants to do with that. Yamato is the absolute picture of tortured angst and the whole thing is excruciating in the best way, because it makes the payoff so very sweet.

Fight For My Way

I am pretty sure I have recommended this show to you before, and I will keep right on doing it because it's a fantastic romcom and my favorite friends to lovers drama of all time. This one is heavier on the comedy beats, but still gets to the heart of the fear and anxiety, and also goes deep on how hard it is when one of the friends clues into their feelings much sooner than the other and hangs in as a loyal friend while nursing their wounded heart in private. Watching Dong Man finally figure out what the hell is going on and catch up to Ae Ra was one of the greatest pleasures of my years of drama watching.

Theory of Love

I said what I said and I meant it! This drama is controversial because it hits the angst really hard and pushes the characters to some ugly places and some people just can't deal, but it's such an authentic portrayal of how much it hurts to be in love with your oblivious friend, and how much we hurt ourselves by not being honest about our feelings in a misguided attempt to protect the relationship we already have. I love it dearly and will defend it to anyone.

Romance Is A Bonus Book

A bit on the lighter side, watching this drama is like curling up on the couch in a cozy sweater with your favorite book and a cup of tea. It manages to both take the relationship arc seriously while never once making you doubt that these friends will be okay, because they are truly ride or die. There is also an age gap at play here, so we have the added bonus of watching Dan Yi wrestle with her changing feelings for her best friend that she has always thought of as a little brother. I will never forget her staring into the mirror to practice telling Eun Ho "I don't see you as a man" and getting increasingly desperate as she realizes that is no longer true. *chef's kiss*

My Only 12%

See-iw and Cake, my beloveds! I love this pair a lot, and think this drama is a fantastic example of how powerful the friends to lovers trope can be when combined with a queer awakening and the added layer of fear that brings to the story in a non-bubble show. The arc of their close childhood friendship morphing through time, separation, and changing identities is so so good. This one comes with a caveat because the last two episodes of the show are abruptly bad and weird (New Siwaj *shakes fist*) but happily, the FTL arc is already complete by then and none of the nonsense messes with the couple.

Hospital Playlist

I know you know this one, but I cannot possibly finish this list without talking about Ik Jun and Song Hwa. This is such a slooooooooooow burn that plays out over 24 episodes, and it's brilliantly done. What I like most about this take on the trope is how mature and adult it is; these two are 40 year old booked and busy professionals, and they also value their friendship more than anything. I love that you get the whole arc of their relationship over 20 years as they meet, have initial sparks, don't get together for reasons, genuinely settle into a platonic friendship and date and even marry other people, and then realize their feelings are changing again later in life. The payoff after all this time and patience and quiet yearning is so beautifully earned.

[barbatusart]

Do you have a recommendation for a specific book of your work for folks who showed up for your Bg3 stuff? (Also if you read the parts out of order would that be an issue?)

welcome aboard!!! thank you so much for checking my bg3 stuff out, it's a pleasure to have you

as i said in my other post over here, im predominantly an extreme horror artist! i 100% decline to call myself an eroguro artist because personally i dont find the kind of gore & horror i do particularly erotic, but im super fascinated with the horrors of the body & the darkness of the general human experience, so thats the kind of stuff i tend to make. it isnt the worst most heinous Ever you'll find out there, but im fully aware that it's A Lot, so everything i make with @meanbossart is thoroughly warned for so nobody goes into our body of work unaware & gets a nasty shock.

bg3 in particular goes some pretty dark routes (some bits in a dark urge run even made me kinda reel back and go "jesus"), so id say for people coming in from bg3 your mileage may heavily vary. if torture & really extreme body horror doesnt bother you, you may be OK with SAD SACK (sus.space/sadsack) and its current wip sequel SORTIE (sus.space/sortie), but i would still recommend reading each book's individual content warnings thoroughly before choosing to spend any money. (everything is paywalled to further deter minors.) if you're on the fence about how much horror content is too much for you, or if you're curious about these titles but find the content warnings to be concerning, my DMs on tumblr+twitter and my IMs are always open if you have any questions about particular CWs or even need specific page numbers so you can either skip that bit of gore or be informed enough to approach the page number(s), take a Deep breath, and proceed when youre ready! for these 2 titles in particular, unfortunately they do have a linear story, so to fully grasp what's going on requires reading the books in order. again if it's something youre curious to the point of wanting to try but on the fence about, i am always welcoming of inquiring DMs to help make the experience thrilling + chilling but Not genuinely upsetting.

if you're OK with a little violence and body horror but not as splatterfest as these titles, im currently chipping away at the preliminaries for my giant project LOVOS4017 (lovos4017.the-comic.org) which is a love letter to TNG scifi and 80s cyberpunk anime. im currently on pause with the roughs since last year due to COVID frontline burnout, but ive by no means abandoned it; this IP is my baby that ive been workshopping the show bible for for over a decade & i want to see it through to the end B)

finally if you would like to read our work but want to avoid gore and extreme violence entirely, we do have some stuff that is violence-free! POOPPIX@YAHOO.COM (suscomics.itch.io/pooppix) is a comic with a really bonkers premise but no violence and no visible onscreen poop i promise about finding genuine human connection over unusual shared interests on the internet. ATTACK DOG (suscomics.itch.io/attackdog) is also a short solo comic i did myself about sex, quasi-submission fetish, & the requirements of true love (theres some mild gooey body weirdness but no gore i promise)

overall i thank you for showing interest in what @meanbossart & i do! we tend towards strange & unusual premises and presentations, but i hope that you find something within our body of work that entertains you. if you every have any questions about anything, please please please feel free to DM me at any time; my goal in life is to entertain & provoke thought!

[songoftrillium]

so I've been considering running a W5 game for some friends of mine who have been having a blast with our V5 campaign. We'd have to use a *severely long* list of houserules and lore to make it anything other than a massive trash fire of...well, everything that W5 is now. Unfortunately it's likely to be W5 instead of W20 due to the players bouncing off the x20 rules HARD. Any suggestions as to what gaping holes I should focus on first, rules-and-lore-wise?

I apologize for this essay of a response. In terms of the major mechanics holes to focus on, a friend of mine, Kaidan, was a game playtester that ran a number of games at Gencon, and has done the emotional labor of reading through the entire W5 corebook and identifying ways to make the game playable. For house rules, I'd start there.

The rest of this post is LONG, so buckle up and get a drink before reading on under the cut.

Regarding Gaia's Howl, which isn't addressed in the book, I'd look to the Mind's Eye Theater: Werewolf: the Apocalypse, the last corebook in OWoD that furthers the world metaplot. I believe the mark that was missed in a big way in w5 was that the Age of Apocalypse in that book more or less encompasses exactly what they were trying to achieve in terms of the worldwide destruction of caerns, the death of many old canon NPCs, and the Last Words of Gaia, which was a prophecy laid out by King Albrecht in his final moments of life while destroying the Storm Eater:

“Hope is not sundered; wake me, and a new age of harmony shall begin.”

Nuff said there. You shouldn't really need this corebook to play, but if you can find any information on the Age of Apocalypse online, I recommend using that as your kickoff point to explain how we got here.

Now, on to lore.

As the Storyteller, there are few ways around it; you'll have to read some old materials to construct your own chronicle. A little-known piece of information is that no one edition of Legacy Werewolf was ever meant to supersede the other. All the editions contain uniquely valuable information and were meant to build upon each other, requiring a holistic approach to the old materials: take what matters and use it.

I don't blame your players for balking at the old materials. The first editor that volunteered to help with my big project had never picked up a WoD book in xis life, and when he signed up I asked xim to read enough of the W20 corebook to grasp how to make a character. After struggling with the material for a week, they returned and said, "I'll be honest. That's almost a hundred pages. I'm not reading all that." And I don't blame them. And I don't know if you noticed, but W20 also includes no tools for Storytellers to construct game chronicles. Indeed, no 20th-anniversary edition book across all the splats really does. Since the writing team at PDX didn't use any book other than x20 to construct W5, that only further deepened the reality that Storytellers have been completely forgotten. All Meat, no Potatoes. For all the good content W20 includes, a broad number of items would be decidedly unfair to force players to wade through if you wanted to, and there's also so much of it. If you have yet to notice, the old books have laughably useless indexes, so researching and knowing which books to research to create a good game is incredibly complicated. So, you're right that your players shouldn't have to read any of the old stuff, and you shouldn't necessarily have to run a legacy game to provide a game of meaning.

Now, on to the stuff, you, the Storyteller, need to put together a bombastic chronicle. I have a bibliography of books across multiple editions that really get to the heart of the deepest lore and covers the full width and breadth of what the game has to offer. You don't need to read all these books, but having them gives you all the reference material to have a top-down overview of lore you can pull into your game world that you see fit.

Werewolf: the Apocalypse Storytellers Handbook (1994)This edition was published during a time when White Wolf was still establishing what the World of Darkness represented. It was drafted during 1st edition and came out shortly after the 2nd edition core rulebook came out, making it a hybrid that shares stats between both editions, including renown conversion guidelines between 1st and 2nd editions. You’ll find three essays and a section from it reprinted in this very book, but even those are just a fraction of the value this book offers Storytellers. Beyond what I carry over here, this book includes expanded Garou culture, setting, and enemies, dedicated sections on kinfolk and kami,  and a dedicated chapter on making talismans (fetishes). It even includes a dedicated section for 1st edition to 2nd edition renown conversion and a chapter dedicated to building a custom chronicle suited to your tabletop! Definite must-have and must-read.

Werewolf: The Apocalypse Storytellers Vault Style Guide (2018)Beyond a collection of well-written tales, this book includes a chapter devoted entirely to metaplot. In that way, this section serves as a roadmap towards getting a good feel on which books across which edition may best serve you. It breaks down three different approaches to Metaplot (Passive, Reactive, and Proactive), the pathos driving each edition, and following those threads, one can more easily find which books and editions are best suited to each purpose and tailor their own Storytelling library to best suit their style accordingly.

A World of Rage (2000)

This book is indispensable for learning about the world at large where the game is set. It covers every region published and really cuts out the fat in terms of delivering setting information and systems just about anywhere you’d like to set your game.

Players Guide to Garou (2003)This one’s a home run for any table. Expanded tribe societies and unique gifts? Check. Merits and flaws and expanded fetishes? Check. MOOT MECHANICS? That’s right, check. Moots are the lifeblood of Garou society, and there are structures for this! If you ever wondered what the typical phases of a moot look like, what roles different auspices play, and what your pack of players may be doing during any given time, it’s all laid out here in plain words. Even the Ragabash has (arguably the best) role to play during these events.

Guardians of the Caerns (2000)Ever wondered what exactly werewolves do all day? Wonder no longer. Guardians of the Caerns is the sourcebook of septs and caerns, detailing the sacred places and the Garou communities that guard them. It contains information on sept offices, tribal septs, caern logistics, defensive tactics--even an in-depth look at those who must grow up strictly as Garou, the crinos-born. This is the book for anyone who wants to understand what they're fighting for. 

Book of the Wyrm (1st Edition, 1993)While acknowledging the latest edition of this book, this gives a lot more specific insight into the ins-and-outs of the Urge Wyrms and Maejlin Incarna, who have taken a faceless investment in this chronicle. Understanding the ubiquity of their influence helps to understand not just these entities themselves but also their hierarchies, as they are mirrored across each of the many heads of the Wyrm.

Book of the Wyld (2001)It includes information on the naming of spirits, stats on the Nameless, information on caern abscession, and the not-so-subtle recommendation to write a chronicle surrounding the final days of an ancient caern. It offers insights into this not-understood aspect of the Triat, including many that aren’t in print in the 20th Anniversary Edition. Some enemies come from the woods, after all.

Rage Across the Heavens (1999)

Meet the Gaian Pantheon, all the celestial incarnae to be found across the Tellurian may be found across this book, including unique powers associated with them. This also includes a chronicle encompassing the emergence of the red star Anthelios, believed to be a portent of the end times.

Hearthbound (2023)

That's right, ya girl wrote a cross-edition book this year, and I highly recommend it! This is a good answer for players looking for a drop-in solution to confront the systemic issues in the lore directly in-game. The problematic features of the Garou nation were always meant to be confronted by the tabletop, and this sourcebook offers a turnkey approach to doing just that. It details many of those issues up-front and lays bare many of the not-so-pleasant aspects of the Garou Nation in plain English, including several story seeds on how to work this new tribe into any chronicle.

Lastly, on language and tabletop terminology. It's best to treat U****a and W*****o as tribes separate from the Galestalkers and Ghost Council. They are different enough that you can't easily move the names over and call them such. That said, they are named after things considered extremely inappropriate to use in a tabletop setting, so I recommend presenting them using two Conlang terms I constructed for my games. For U****a I recommend Hapil, and to rename their patron to The River Serpent. For W*****o, I recommend Kalaril, and to rename their patron to Old Windtooth.

Lastly, if you'd like to know how to scare the piss out of your players' characters, I wrote an essay on how to do just that. Good luck!

[zzzzzestforlife]

let me help you be That Girl™️ today: Software Engineering Style 👩‍💻

Not to sound like my meditations app, but take a deep breath and feel into this moment. It will pass like many others before. How do you want to remember it? 🧘‍♀️

Nostalgic "That Girl" Autumn Romanticized Morning Routine Mini-Playlist

Recommended for: brushing your teeth, having breakfast, checking your notifications, commuting, etc.

The Calculation by Regina Spektor

Fools Like Me by Lisa Loeb

Hold On by Wilson Phillips

Hand in My Pocket by Alanis Morissette

How Learning to Run Engineering Sprints Improved My Daily Life

Don't Overcommit — List everything you "need" to get done, then scope it down to the absolute bare minimum for this week. Then throw in some items that will improve your quality of life and happiness. To quote my former mentor, "What's the worst that could happen? We don't deliver. That just means we work on the same thing next sprint."

Backlog Grooming — Every quarter(ish), review your masterlist of everything you "need" to get done. Do you still care about it? Is it still relevant? If it helps, sort out your priorities according to Must-Haves (e.g. my education), Want-to-Have (e.g. my books, my favorite food), Nice-to-Have (e.g. the cute stationary at Daiso).

Clearly Define Your Tasks — I actually don't entirely believe in this one. Works great for larger projects containing aspects you're already familiar with, but in other cases, time can be better spent just hacking away at the problem, which makes it easier to pivot too when something isn't working. To quote my senior, "The power of YOLO-ing it."

💌: Yes, friends, we're changing up the format again. I like to keep things ~interesting ✨ around here, as you know 😉

[ashesandhackles]

HP Reread - Order of Phoenix (Part 3)

Chapter 25, 26,27,28 - OOTP

Antonin Dolohov murdered the Prewett brothers. He will later kill Remus. He is repeatedly implied to be a very deadly Death Eater, and it is his slashing spell that will hurt Hermione in the climax of OOTP.

Harry feeling horrified and guilty at Bode's death: "How come we didnt recognise the Devil's Snare? We have seen this before, we could have stopped this from happening":(

Hermione deciding to send Skeeter a letter due to the seriousness of the breakout, and how much there is need to change the narrative. lol at her being vague with her plans that makes Ron grumble: "would it kill her to tell us what she is up to?"

Lee being an absolute king in trying to turn Umbridge's decree against her. However, he gets a bleeding hand for his effort and Harry has to recommend him essence of murtlap (an info Lee relays to Fred and George, which helps their products)

Neville improving in DA classes so unnervingly that he is only behind Hermione in mastering the Shield Charm.

LOLLL the entire scene at Puddifoot, where Harry feels like if Roger and his girlfriend kept kissing, he would be expected to compete. And then he looks up to avoid looking at them (or Cho), and cherubs throw confetti in his face.

Harry grabbing the sugar bowl when Cho takes her hand off the table. Harry laughing when he finally understands that Cho is jealous of Hermione. Oh god. The second hand embarrassment is real.

Hermione cornering Rita is such fun. XD I love that she makes use of resources at hand - even if she doesnt think much of the Quibbler herself. (Also, she took Sirius' advice, and kept the meeting in Three broomsticks instead of Hog's Head).

The breakout had gifted Harry a desire to do something, and he talked about the most traumatic night of his life so far to a journalist he did not trust on account of that. This also shows his faith in Hermione's facilitation of his need for justice. These two will be scary in the Ministry together.

also, Hermione knowing that Ginny has been sneaking around with their brooms since she was 6, and her implicit criticism of the way people talk about Ron: "at least my happiness doesnt depend on goalkeeping ability"

"You are banned as long as Umbridge is in the school" - Ginny's association with hope, with future, and comfort.

Angelina not letting Ron resign and Harry giving Ron the space to go to bed and pretend to sleep if he needed to <3

Harry being impressed with Ginny's performance and then going, "I would have been faster tho" the audacity of this boy XD

"An interview? What do you mean?" "I mean a reporter asked me questions and I answered her" and Harry throws the Quibbler at her. LMAO.

Cho apologising to Harry:"The interview was so brave, it made me cry" and Harry wishing that she hadnt cried over it. Ugh, this compellingly messy dynamic.

This is such a hard book for Harry. Being so afraid that you would wake up and look like Voldemort. He bites down to not make any noise during his visions, just because Seamus had recently stopped seeing him as a nutter.

Snape once again projecting on Harry - he brings up the idea that Harry seeing dreams and visions of Voldemort makes him feel "special, important". And Harry reflects it back to him, "No, that's your job, isnt it?" "That is my job." Stop your power struggle with a 15 year old Snape XD

Harry did it! He focused on Snape in between memories, and pushed him back with a protego! And Harry sees Snape memories: that imply a domestic abuse situation in his house (hook nose man shouting at a cowering woman while a boy cried in corner), a clear case of neglect (Snape shooting down flies in a room), and a sense of injured masculinity (a girl laughing at a scrawny boy's attempt to get ona bucking broomstick). Snape pushes Harry back at the last memory, and I wonder if that girl was Lily.

Snape also compliments this, "Well that's an improvement. I dont remember asking you to do a Shield Charm, but it was no doubt, effective."

The lesson end at Trelawney's screaming, Snape runs out and so does Harry. Sneaky parallel.

I really love the description of Trelawney to set the scene. My favorite descripton is her innumerable shawls were coming down from shoulders giving the impression "she is falling apart at the seams."

Dumbledore appointing Firenze is such a power move Imao.

a twinkling red star winked at him - reference to Mars, which consistently shows up in text again and again with Harry. Firenze brings attention to this, and the fact that Harry is directly under it is nice way in text to remind us there is a war coming.

"There are things more important than keeping a job" and Hagrid's hands shake. Because this job has been something he wanted, something his name was cleared for.

We get to know that Marietta's mother has been helping police Hogwarts fires, and Willy Widdershin of the regurgitating toilets was let off after he gave info on Harry.

Percy laughing at Fudge's sarcasm, and Harry for the first time expresses anger towards Percy in his internal monologue. Before he was just shocked and confused.

Kingsley modifiying Marietta's memory, to corroborate with Dumbledore's story. That man is quick. He did it immediately after Dumbledore says they can't prove 6 months worth of meetings.

ooh, it is implied that Fawkes' singing kept the four unconscious on the floor and the moment Fawkes leaves with Dumbledore, they are all awake.

Fred and George sending Montague into Vanishing Cabinet and how Montague gets out (nearly killing himself by Apparating) and gives Malfoy the information needed for the plot of HBP.

Snape the nerd, writing foot long answers. I love how much teenage Snape's body language is entirely different from adult Snape, and how much the adult Snape is a construction. Teenage Snape will lie on grass and scream hexes and swear words at you.

James literally traces and embellishes Lily's initials like a dork lol.

I deep dive into Marauder dynamics in chapter here.

"Wormtail was the only one who didnt laugh" : how cute is it that Remus laughs at his own dry joke XD

There is a strong theme of masculinity in this chapter, and James is making a performance of it with the snitch, with messing up his hair and Harry notices that this is done for the girls by the lake. (Harry wondered why James doesnt tell Wormtail to get a grip, and Sirius does it few seconds later much more unkindlyXD)

The power dynamic of the scene is framed with description of Sirius as "dog who scented a rabbit" and underlines it further by Remus' implicit disapproval (that he avoids by staring into a book, my poor bean) and Peter's anticipation (Sirius line in POA comes to mind about how Peter was drawn to the biggest bully in the playground)

Interesting note about James: he uses household spells like Scourgify for an attack. I can imagine him being similarly creative later in the Order. (it gives me such ideas of Transfiguration being his fav subject)

Interesting to me that even though both James and Sirius are on the scene, it is James Lily is consistently addressing.

Snape attempts a workshop Sectumsempra on James' cheek (clearly not the fully developed version) and James turns around and uses Snape's own spell against him. This moment alone speaks to such history in this dynamic.

Lily's "10 things I hate about you" speech is interesting because she also noticed that he was playing with the snitch (something he had nicked). She was also watching him.

Snape, emasculated by the scene, tries to exert power over one thing he has power over: his friendship with Lily. He uses Lily's otherness in wizarding world to reclaim power in the scene, and Lily throws it back at him by calling him the nickname his bullies call him and commenting on his underpants (therefore his class otherness). Utter dissolution of a friendship.

Lily channels her hurt and frustration at Snape's rejection of her onto James when he tries to help, and does a "10 things I hate about you" speech.

James tries to deal with being rejected publicly by Lily by directing his anger at Snape and threatening to take his pants off, in line with masculinity theme of this chapter.

Harry making Dudley-James associations. He will integrate a more complicated view of his father in later chapters (where he associates James with Ron), but this moment, where Harry rejects hypermasculinity displayed by James (but is keen to not reject James himself), is an important moment of moral growth for Harry.

OOTP - Chapter 29,30, 31, 32,33

Cute trip opening scene when Hermione is drawing up colour coded timetable for the boys (and nagging Harry), Ron brightening at the thought of evenings off and Crookshanks trying to get Harry's attention since he is brooding.

Harry is not only questioning James' morality, he is also questioning Sirius' ('look at what he was like himself') and Remus ('he just let it happen'). Later in the chapter, he wonders - "did he want to be like his father anymore?"

looking at Mrs Weasleys easter eggs, a handsome one with snitches on them makes Harry feel emotional. The way chocolate is tied to comfort + longing and Mrs Weasley functioning as an echo of a home.

lmao the scene where Harry admits he wants to go to Umbridge's office is peak Hermione as mum, Harry as sulky teenager and Ron as Arthur to Hermione's Molly scene.

Harry is so hypervigilant in Snape's class for his taunts, it clearly affects his performance in class. Because Snape is ignoring him, he could whip up a decent E level potion (which ofc Snape shatters).

"He attacked Snape for no good reason - well just because you said you were bored" - the apologetic tone Harry says this in and Sirius' quick "I'm not proud of it" shows how careful they are with each other. It is a big step for Sirius to admit he is not proud of his behaviour (because 2 years before, he all but snarled "served him right"), and this is the influence of Harry's distress. Remus also notes this with a "sideways glance" at him. (Remus also, something he hasn't shied away from admitting, owns his own culpability but is also harsher with himself -"did i ever tell you to lay off him?" and Sirius tries to correct/comfort that with "you made us feel ashamed of ourselves")

Harry knowing Hermione's nagging face lolll ("she fixed Harry with a beady eye and opened her mouth with a determined air") and he just interuppts before she starts lol.

hermione predicting Ron will do well without Fred and George around to watch <3

"Kind of makes you wish we had Norbert back, doesn't it?" yes, Harry. Norbert would be far preferable. I really am not sure why we have a storyline where Dumbledore sends envoys to giants so they can have them as allies (as actual thinking beings with political weight) and then write an entire chapter about how Hagrid is stupid for trying to "civilise" Grawp with English lessons. Why are you writing marginalisation like this, where you validate how "savage" Grawp is? Just a book ago, there is critique on how giants face prejudice via Hagrid and Madame Maxime, but then you're like, "maybe the prejudice has some sort of weight cos giants are brutal actually".

Cant believe we get an entire chapter of this and not Ron's victory over Slytherins and in Quidditch.

More on the giant's rant that I have and my absolute loathing for this Grawp chapter: Hagrid's Tale is one of the few times Hagrid is allowed to act as a competent adult - going with Maxime off country to send envoys to giants. For once, he is not someone the trio constantly has to take care of or save from trouble (it's not something I particularly mind, but I do have a problem here - where there is an additional layer of the fact that Hagrid hasn't had formal education. This entire chapter - he is just made a joke of and it reinforces the prejudices wizarding world shouldnt be having)

I really love the opening scene of Ron basking in the glory of having won the match, and he sits under the very same beech tree rumpling his hair, and Harry grins affectionately at being reminded of his father. It shows that Harry is beginning to integrate parts of his father - from seeing him as Dudley at end of SWM to seeing Ron-like qualities in him.

Cho crying out of temper and kicking her broom away after Gryffindor won the match : what a competitive streak. Love it.

"Hagrid's monster mates" - once again, the narrative needs to pick what giants are meant to be.

Griselda Marchbanks, the one who resigned from Wizengamot in protest against the High Inquistor appointment, is apparently friends with Neville's gran. Daily Prophet snidely said she had links with "subversive goblin groups".

Harold Dingle and his powdered dragon claw and Eddie Carmichael and his brain stimulant trade XD

also ron mothering Hermione asking her to eat a decent meal so she can have good sleep <3

ooh, Hermione wondering if she did justice on Cheering Charms (its the lesson she missed in POA when she lost track of time). I wonder if not attending the actual class makes her feel nervous, and not like she had enough time with the information.

Umbridge's "nasty smile" when she sees Harry's patronus in DADA exam: a hint towards her actual involvement in sending Dementors after Harry.

The confrontation between Hagrid, Umbridge and McGonagall is beautifully written. Really love the atmosphere here with the use of lights from the castle, the hut, the moon over the darkness of the lawn to set up the mood of the scene. The moment McGonagall was lit by the stunning spells sent at her? Eerie.

Harry staring at Parvati's hair while sleep-deprived in history exam cos there was something gold in it. He sure likes shiny hair.

there is a question in history of magic exam about how legislation of wand: whether it better controlled the goblin riots in 18th century. The politics of this is brought up in Deathly Hallows, where griphook brings up how wizards have denied other creatures rights of expanding their magical powers by refusing to share wandlore.

Harry's sheer blinding panic and fear in this chapter hurts to read.

I actually really love how bad the communication is between Harry and Hermione in this chapter. Where, in her desperation to stop him, she calls out his "saving the people thing" in an effort to make him understand that Voldemort's playing into an instinct in Harry, and Harry obviously feels stupid about the way she calls it out and thinks she is criticising it as a an attention seeking thing. It makes him less sympathetic to her appeal that it could be a trap, but the scene anyway ends with him conceding to check with her and recognising her offer to come with him to Umbridge's office as "mark of loyalty."

Kreacher's hands are injured cos he injured Buckbeak. There was a lovely Tumblr post I read about this moment, about how combination of Sirius' indifferent cruelty (towards kreacher) and love (for Buckbeak, Harry) is what pushed him towards the events of his death. It perfectly captures his duality.

The conversation between Snape and Umbridge is hilarious. Snape offering his sympathies to Umbridge in case she wanted to poison Harry ("venoms act too fast to give victims time for truth telling"), the ironic bow before he leaves and telling Crabbe to loosen his hold on Neville because if he suffocates, there will be "lots of tedious paperwork" LOL.

Harry noticing that Hermione was not really crying immediately, and knowing that she is scheming XD These two will be a force in the Ministry. Imagine Harry looking at Hermione trapping someone ina courtroom and being like, "yeah, saw that one a mile away. Sucks to be you buddy."

Man, Hermione is having quite a day. Her inexperience with a plan she is making up as she goes along showed, as well as her putting her foot in her mouth. Umbridge is a threat she has known and assessed well, the centaurs, less so. She will grow from this in DH, when she makes bigger elaborate plans with failsafes on the spot. (For example, the Lovegoods escape)

Ginny being astonished that a herd of centaurs left Harry and Hermione behind - suggesting familiarity with the centaur ways. Interesting character note! (also how her and Luna also clearly pay attention in Care of Magical Creatures, as they both remind the trio of Thestral traits - that they are good for finding places riders are looking for, and Harry and Hermione being covered in blood will lure more of them). I wouldnt have paid attention to this detail without @whinlatter lovely WIP "Beasts".

Chapter 34, 35,36,37,38

Proof of Ron, Hermione and Ginny's loyalty and gutsiness: they are willing to ride an invisible horse for hours in the air to help Harry. (also Luna is so cute, sitting all in side saddle)

Harry thinking the veil had a strange beauty to it, and that he felt a strong inclination to walk through it is an indication of his fascination with death. He isn't the only one: Luna, Neville, Ginny are all similarly entranced. Only Ron and Hermione are not and they drag everyone away.

Sirius' knife, Harry's gift is melted by the Love Room in Department of Mysteries :(

Ginny wanting to watch the bird's progress is so cute. Such a lovely detail - I never noticed this interest in creatures before. But she consistently thinks in terms of animals, she even thought the brains they initially saw were fish. ("his eyes are as green as fresh pickled toad" anyone?)

how interesting that the Prophecy Hall is beyond the room full of Time-Turners.

interesting note of how some prophecies having liquid glow (Harry's felt warm as he touched it) and how some prophecies were blown out like a night bulb. Could indicate that the events they had foretold have come to pass etc.

I love during the entire conversation with Death Eaters, you can feel Harry being hypervigilant. He notices the shifts in Bellatrix speaking and makes decisions - once he speaks Voldemort's name, he holds the prophecy tighter because given that he riled her, he expected an attempt to take it from him. And then of course, he is very "improvise. adapt. overcome" with the plan to smash shelves.

Harry's athleticism shines in these chapters where he is elbowing and ducking around Death Eater attacks, launching himself on top of them, heaving Ron when he is out and flinging him when he needs to help the others, rolling over tables to get to doors quick XD

Neville kicking aside fragments of his father's old wand when he carries Hermione. It's his "I'm gonna be my own person not defined by my father's legacy" moment, a parallel to Harry's own in this book.

I love the tiny detail that Tonks is above on the steps, firing spells down at Bellatrix. The distance she keeps, and the detail of Bellatrix and Andromeda resembling each other to the point they could be mistaken for each other, adds such a layer to this detail.

Sirius and Bellatrix are so caught up in their battle that they dont even notice that Dumbledore had arrived. Speaks to their personal history and intensity of their duel.

Harry's child-like denial is utterly heartbreaking. The way he thinks that Remus doesn't understand because he had heard whispers behind the veil, and surely people are hiding there, and that Sirius is just hiding. It is the most child-like he has been and it breaks my heart.

Remus' voice breaking as he struggled to contain Harry, speaking as though every word caused him pain, or just not being able to look at the veil:(

The moment Harry is angry that Sirius would keep him waiting. It is such a childish, entitled reaction. The boy who never expects anything from his adult figures feels like he has the space to be mad at Sirius for keeping him waiting - and then realises, that Sirius would never keep him waiting. And that's how he knows Sirius is dead.

Harry laughing at Bellatrix right after Sirius' death ("a mad laugh to match her own"): the boy really is his godfather's godson.

Bellatrix loves Voldemort, but also fears Voldemort. The moment he comes - Sirius turns from the mocking "dear cousin" to "Animagus Black." She is super keen to distance herself from Sirius in front of him and it calls to the scene later in Deathly Hallows, where she claims she never laid eyes on Andromeda after she ran away.

"We both know there are other ways of destroying a man. Merely taking your life would not satisfy me, I must admit" - contrast this with Deathly Hallows, where Dumbledore leads Harry away from Voldemort's maimed soul in the limbo. Harry feels pity for it, and even tries to save Voldemort, but Dumbledore is beyond that and this scene conveys it.

"And I'll see Sirius again.." it's not only Harry's love for Sirius that drives Voldemort out of his body, but it is also his very raw desire for death. Something he wishes once again, when he is at his parents' graves. (it is this passive ideation that Hermione grasps at the grave and why Harry's desire for Resurrection Stone terrifies her)

"You've been chasing the wrong man for 12 months, it's time you listened to sense!" Dumbledore's feelings of Sirius' fate are also encapsulated in this line. He claims responsibility for Sirius' fate next chapter, but his anger and guilt at Sirius' death is clear here.

Harry's intense guilt and hatred for himself, where he had never before wished he was someone else so intensely, that he was trapped inside his body and mind. It is this guilt, even though he expresses them this chapter, that he will carry with him in HBP and it will come out in moments like strangling Mundungus for perceived disrespect to Sirius.

"I know how you're feeling Harry" "No you dont" : it is both Harry lashing out his intense self-hatred, but also his feelings of abandonment. In his mind, if Dumbledore understood his feelings, he would not have "abandoned" him through the summer or the year. So this moment of Dumbledore reaching out in solidarity after a year of freezing him out makes Harry angry.

Harry just demolishing his office, and Dumbledore remaining calm and detached through it, until Harry himself matches Dumbledore's tone to let him out. Such a well written scene.

The chapter is good illumination of how Dumbledore's distance/detachment and big picture thinking and how it hurts people: Dumbledore locking Sirius and Harry up (Harry shouting this back at him must be a painful reminder of his time with his sister), Snape not overcoming his feelings ("some wounds run too deep for healing").

"I alone could prevent this, and I alone must be strong" - How Dumbledore rationalises his decisions, the weight of the guilt he carries, the calculations he must make. # war general.

"He saw himself in you before he had ever seen you": Voldemort destroying everyone and everything that reminds him of who he is. Strange likenesses from Voldemort is not a compliment, when he wants to be extraordinary, special and unique.

Harry thinking that if only he had just pulled back the veil, he would have seen Sirius greeting him with a laugh like a bark :(

Dumbledore trying to repair Harry's feelings of abandonment by telling him why he didn't choose Harry as a prefect.

Fred and George sending Ron mountains of Chocolate frog after the Ministry fiasco to express their care, in a book where they were harder on him is <3

Ah, that subtle implication that Harry spent hours by the lake, crying about his godfather until the sunset. :( It is gorgeously subtle writing - him getting up at sunset, and wiping his face on his sleeve.

The way the book twists our innards with Harry opening Sirius' gift. :( and how Harry hopes again, and when the hope shatters, he throws the mirror. But it is the very same mirror shard, Sirius' gift that will enable Dobby to help the trio out of the manor, where Harry would ask for help because he saw a parental figure's eye (Dumbledore).

Luna validating Harry's feeling that they were just lurking out of sight, behind the veil and it is this connection with death and understanding of afterlife that comforts Harry. That he will see Sirius again.

[silkbab3y]

Guys shut UP!! They’re just friends… /silly /lh

Issac (red sweater) is @z-shalltear ‘s oc!!!

Little writing fic I did because I loooove Ryder x Issac (it’s unhealthy for me /j)

Ryder likes his friend. And maybe it was just him being delusional, but sometimes it felt like Issac liked him too. Sometimes because Ryder felt as though he overthought things too much, took his friendly gestures as something more. Could you blame him? With a guy as cute as Issac, who wouldn’t hoped that he liked him back?

Ryder can remember their first meeting vividly— vividly because it was almost embarrassing for Ryder, hard to forget. He had given Issac is number at the library on a sticky note before leaving after he had seen the brunette working so studiously with whatever it was. Ryder loved nerds, so cute Issac was instantly his dream guy.

It was embarrassing how long it took for him to do anything, his friend pestering him on the phone to make a move. But he kept chickening out, hence the note. Maybe it wasn’t that embarrassing, but it was for poor ol’ Ryder. And he felt his efforts were in vain when he didn’t receive any call or text, but had assumed that it had just fell before Issac could see it, rather than the worse.

But then he saw him again and had finally introduced himself. That was… mm… a few months ago? Now they were friends and close as ever, making the little few months seem a lot longer.

Ryder was lucky, because not only did his crush liked him as a friend, but also wanted to be around him! That’s… that’s a win right?

Besides him in the food court, he let Issac go on and on about the plants he was taking care of, in return Ryder would talk about the book he was reading. “I think you might like it… I mean, if you’re like… into romance— but it’s not heavy on it—“ Ryder explains, taking a sip of his smoothie. “The girl like… has this tile traveling gene that passes down the woman side of her family, and her traveling companion also has the gene but it passes down to the men in his family. So the setting switches from like… 2011 to 1800s, and it’s a good read… er…” scratching his head, he shrugs, giving up on trying to explain it without spoilers. “I can lend you the first book, I’m on the last one.”

He glances to catch Issac’s eyebrows raise a bit. “Mm.. that fast?” He questions, the brunette smiling a bit. “Didn’t you just start the trilogy a few days ago?” Yeah, which is why Ryder was tempted to reread the whole thing again. Blame his dad for recommending him his now new hyperfixation. “Eeer…” Ryder just gives him a sheepish grin. “Maybe we can read it together?”

After their break, Ryder dreaded having to split for their classes, sometimes even debating if he should skip his to go with Issac. But alas, they both wanted to be good students (Ryder a little less than Issac), and he didn’t want to bother Issac or distract him in his learning (despite wanting to see his cute face 24/7).

Thankfully, their buildings were close by, so they had some time left before they parted. The walkway outside was crowded, most students having just gotten out of class and heading to their next one or heading home.

Ryder noticed Issac almost being eaten up by the crowd, and with an impulse— reaches out for his friend’s hand to pull him to his side. He could almost feel his heart shoot up into his throat at the feel of his hand in his before continues forward, guiding them out the crowd. Ryder couldn’t help but take a few glances back to look at Issac, before facing forward entirely before he ended up staring at the slightly anxious man in the midst of people.

‘He’s so cute.’ Ryder thinks to himself with a small smile. Finally out of the pushing people, standing in front of Issac’s building while his was just a walk away, Ryder holds onto his hand for a second longer before releasing their grip.

This was Ryder’s last class, so he wouldn’t see Issac until Thursday when their schedules align again. Maybe if he’s lucky though, he’ll see Issac tomorrow.

“Well…” Ryder swallows, shoving his hands into her Jean pockets. “Um… I’ll see you later, Issac.” He bids with a smile, waving as he backs away a bit before turning. Hearing Issac walk off into his building, Ryder takes out his EarPods and puts them on, playing whatever song his Spotify had already been playing before.

Ryder didn’t even realize he was still smiling all the way to his class until his other friend had mentioned it. Wiping at his lips as if the smile was a stain, he shrugs at his friend. “Can’t a guy be happy?”

Happy that he got to spend time with his crush, held his hand. Yeah, Ryder likes Issac.

[lazyyogi]

book recommendations?

Books on spirituality that are comprehensive enough to be considered fundamental reading:

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I know most people find A New Earth more readable but I feel that PoN is more systematic and thorough in its presentation of genuine spiritual practice and the many ways in which we resist peace, freedom, and happiness out of habit (the ego).

The Enlightenment Process by Judith Blackstone. I talk a lot about somatics but haven't taught anything regarding it, although that will be changing soon. Regardless, this book is fantastic and Judith Blackstone really is at the forefront of somatic spirituality, in my opinion. I'm excited for her new book to come out this week, actually!

The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron. As the title implies, this book takes you within and forces you to look at all the things that make you feel awkward, squeamish, and shitty. This is what the new agers would call "shadow work." Spiritual bypassing is real and will at best severely limit and at worst entirely obstruct your development on a human level. This book is short and took me a long time to finish because of how difficult it was to endure the things it stirred up inside me. It was all worth it, and I mean that in a very life-changing way. If there is one thing I learned from these teachings, it is to stay with our shittiest feelings without indulging them and without trying to look away and seek the relief of distractions.

I don't like to recommend too many different books at once because often people will end up reading none of them. So I stick to a few and just emphasize them over and over. But if you are seeking any book recs on more specific topics, I'd be happy to help however I can.

Much love!

LY