#I need the money but my poor fanfiction T^T | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

havin-fun-imagining-twd · 3 years

Text

Guardian angel?

***Reader Request***

Note: This request struck me in such a way that I wanted to really give it the old college try for them. Please, I hope that whoever you are, my anonymous friend, that you please begin to write! You have such a creative mind to have come up with this lovely, unique, and thoughtful prompt! Even if you just write a paragraph to get your feet wet, I’d be so happy to know that you did it! And please, if you haven’t already, feel free to send this prompt to other blogs that write TWD fanfiction, too! It may help you with your creative process, or it might simply help you feel joy to escape for a while inside more, and better, and different versions of it!

Perspective - 2nd person reader and 3rd person Daryl **the switches in perspective sometimes imply a time jump**

When - Quarry, pre-Rick

Relationships - Confused and protective Daryl x (therapist!) reader

Genre - pretty fluffy, but be mindful of the TWs

TWs - language, season 1 Merle doing his sexual harassment thing, and discussion and plot involving some mental health concerns

Word count - I ain’t gotta tell y’all nothing

Pronouns - she/her

You

“...Thank you for listening, sweety,” she whispers. The poor woman looks embarrassed. “I don’t know why I told you those things, it was silly of me – ”

“Why do you think that, Carol?” you cut in gently. “That you needing to get something off your chest and feel supported for a while is silly?”

She doesn’t answer anything at first. She just looks down at her hands and starts to absent-mindedly pick at her fingernails. “There’s no point to it, though, is there?” If her voice was telling the truth, she was near tears.

Gently again, you offer that “Maybe the point is that you simply needed to say something. And that’s a very big step, even if it seems small.”

Carol sniffs, then pecks a little kiss on your forehead before saying she needed to get back to ironing. “You know, I’m grateful that I’ve gotten to know you here. What you do for everyone makes life feel more bearable.”

“Same goes for you.”

She now shakes her head and waves it off in shame, saying that “I take care of the clothes and help cook when I’m not helping my girl get ahead on the homework she’ll never have to turn in.”

“Keeping clothing clean, fresh, and mended is important. It keeps us healthy and gives us a sense of normalcy. Cooking is necessary because eating is necessary,” you remind her with a wry grin. “And as for Sophia’s schoolwork, she needs that little anchor to how things were and that distraction that doing homework provides. And even if the world doesn’t improve soon, you don’t know when those things she’s learning will benefit her.”

At first Carol gets quiet again.“You know what?” she suddenly says.

“What?” Should you be worried? You wouldn’t think so coming from Carol, but...

“Ed has been hoarding some snacks in the glove compartment.” Then a look of peace spreads about her face and she smiles shyly. “Do you prefer oatmeal crème pies or cosmic brownies better?”

“Pardon?”

“You’re right. One of each, then,” she winks.

And before you can protest and remind her (again) that payment is not and never will be required, she holds up a hand, and with a good-humored shrug jokes that “I’d write you a check or wrangle up some cash for this therapy session, but I’m not sure the banks are open today.”

In all truth, you were happy to do it. Especially for someone in her situation.

And yes, one could argue that money was useless these days anyways, but so were the many other things that made money essential (even if that came with both good and bad). But you weren’t about to be calling in favors everywhere you’d tried to do good by offering your services. Everyone at the camp worked together to pull their weight, and this was your way of doing so.

Besides, the quarry camp has far fewer clientele than you used work with before the outbreak. You didn’t even mind having your work cut out for you due to the state of the world; it was your calling. The aspects of your personality that enabled therapy and psychology to come more naturally to you, you had augmented and worked hard to improve with your schooling and training. It gave you a sense of purpose and fulfillment, especially when you could see others growing and healing.

Looking at it objectively, you could also acknowledge without shame that you’d also entered into psychology because wanted to further understand some issues that you had of your own.

You’d always felt tranquil and at ease when you were helping others, yes, and that was a blessing. But every so often, you yourself suffered from panic attacks, nightmares, and night terrors. Those three also fed into each other, as is understandable when considering the nature of anxiety.

We all have something that we’re working on, or our loads to bear, do we not? Simply put, that was yours. It was something that you managed as best you could, for which you always were sure to pray, and for which you had been getting your own professional help before the outbreak.

One of the best ways you had discovered to manage symptoms was through swimming, actually. It was relaxing, and yet you could easily turn it into a workout and properly stress your body out in a controlled, healthy way. The stimulation from the water was enough to center you and ground you, but not too much to overstimulate and further induce upset. And this combined with the weightless sensation offered by swimming was able to ease your panic like nothing else.

And now, since the 24 hour gym with a pool was indefinitely closed, you swam the quarry. You then found that even the very natural, subconscious idea that there could be something in the water somehow aided you in relaxing. Maybe it was just the right amount of an adrenaline rush, perhaps? Especially considering that the quarry had no natural aquatic life, only those few species of fish added for fishing purposes and possibly from flooding in the area.

The human mind is fascinating, isn’t it?

The only catch was that your swims took place at night. Yes, you know, you know it is a risk. Maybe that was an irrational part of yourself, but you allowed it. And considering the perfectly smooth nature of the water, completely void of currents or waves, and that it was a relatively small body of water (even if fairly deep in parts), you accepted the risk and acted smart about it.

Plus, the moonlight and starlight were just as helpful to calming yourself when you’d had an attack. Moonlight was gentler where the sun could be harsh, and don’t even get started on the starlight. You’d never seen so many stars in your whole life! Without light pollution, the night sky was...indescribable. Words can’t do it justice. You could probably spend hours floating on your back just staring up into it.

Tonight you were scheduled for a swim. You practiced a regular routine, which is so important, and would go on extras as needed. And if today’s clear skies had anything to tell you about it, the visibility tonight for stargazing was gonna be out of this world. You couldn’t wait!

Daryl

Sure enough, he heard her get up in the middle of the night again. And sure enough, it was to the damn quarry lake again.

The first time it happened, that he saw her taking a night swim, he nearly yelped like a scared little puppy. The first thing that crossed his mind was that it was a chupacabra swimming for some reason (they were real, dammit), the second was that it was some kind of lake monster or maybe a seal lion or whatever (hey, dead people were walking around and eating the living like a damn horror movie, so why would a sea lion this far inland be too crazy?). The third was that it was a... a mermaid (and nah, no way in hell was he gonna admit that. Plus, he then saw that she had legs...).

And he didn’t want to shout out or nothing since she seemed like she was enjoying herself, so he kept quiet.

But he wondered what in the hell she was doing, swimming alone in the quarry in the dead of night. Crazy woman.

So he then...whatever, just sort of waited around to make sure she got out okay. Didn’t want anyone to have to wake up to a floating corpse.

Then the next time, courtesy of his being a damned light sleeper, he figured out what she was doing down there. He’d been awoken by a gasp, and then heard panting. Obviously, he froze and stopped breathing for a second, embarrassed as hell thinking that he’d overheard something sexual going on (or technically finishing up, he reckoned).

But then he heard a zipping noise belonging to a tent, and next the sound of footsteps heading away, towards the path leading to the quarry instead of towards another tent. And the panting hadn’t stopped, but instead sounded like it was coming from the same person who was walking away, with no other noises other than the cicadas and frogs and crickets. No other voices, no nothing, so he concluded that the person was alone and most likely had been alone.

So, he crawled out of his tent to check it out. Merle was out like a light, so he wasn’t worried about waking him.

Looking down the path, he’d recognized her by the way that she walked. “The little camp shrink,” Merle had nicknamed her. Dunno, she seemed okay enough. Most of the people here seemed to love her, that’s for sure.

So long as she was pulling her weight, he didn’t care. Anyways, he was pretty sure that Merle was still fixing to rob everyone eventually, so them having a shrink would probably be a good thing for after whenever they did that.

That idea still didn’t sit good with him, robbing these guys blind. He kinda, well...the camp seemed okay, is all. Had some decent people in it. And there were kids, c’mon like – stealing from kids was shitty!

Whatever, fuck it. What he thought didn’t matter, it’s about what needed doing. Or something like that. Right?

Anyways, right then he just wanted to know what in the hell was that woman doing at that hour. He half wondered if she was gonna go swimming again. And alone! Crazy woman, damn near acting like geek bait to wander around like that, and acting like ordinary bad luck bait to go swimming in the middle of the night!

So quietly, he followed her, and watched her sit by the water for a few minutes, almost like she was meditating or something.

Then she (shit, look away, Daryl, you ain’t a creep) took off her sleep pants and (c’mon, don’t) waded into the water in her tank top and underwear and (oh, for cyin’ out loud, woman) started swimming.

Guess it wasn’t a one-off thing. So he...stayed. Just to make sure she made it back in one piece. Crazy woman.

You

Lori was struggling over her dead husband and her new feelings with Shane. It was only natural to be confused, even if that fact didn’t lessen the pain. She’d been having marital problems with her husband, Rick was his name, and recognized how poorly she’d begun treating him. She’d even signed up for counseling to help her with those issues, actually, and was going to invite Rick for couples counseling to aid in that. Then he was shot and in a coma. And then he died.

Shane was struggling over the same. He was less open to sharing, as men tend to be, but he felt very conflicted by falling so hard for his dead friend’s (practically brother’s) widow, and so soon after his death. Granted, when someone is in a coma, it’s all relative; loved ones react with both grieving as if the person is already dead and with an assurance that the person will pull through. It was even more confusing for Shane since he’d immediately assumed a fatherly role over that little cutie, Carl. But the high stakes nature of the world these days offered a sort of catalystic agent to relationships of all kinds, be it romantic, platonic, familial. To fall hard and fast was a result of that, so certainly you understood Lori and Shane’s entanglement occurring, especially after they’d been close friends for so long.

Jacqui was struggling with the desire to go on, simply put. That troubled you the most since it was the highest risk. In the times that followed the outbreak, many people had acted to end their own lives rather than keep living in such a terrifying, scary, hopeless-seeming new world. But Jacqui was strong, and that she had reached out was a good sign. She was seeking help, and it gladdened you. And maybe it was a conflict of interest, but she also reminded you of your mother. You’d had more than one nightmare featuring Jacqui in recent weeks.

Andrea would discuss her guilt over not being around for a good deal of her little sister’s life. It was very understandable that they hadn’t been overly close given their age difference, and due to familial reasons. And now all of her fears and desires centered around protecting her little sister.

Theodore – he usually went by T-Dog, but when you two were talking, he asked to be called by his given name – was more open to sharing. He knew that he needed to let go of the worry about the elderly that he’d dropped off at the refugee center, and prayed daily about it, but knew that he needed extra help with accepting that he ultimately would not know what happened, and that he held no control over whatever did happen. He and you also discussed the mistreatment that Merle, another resident of the camp, often slung at him. Racism is such an insidious, monstrous thing.

If only Merle was open to growth and change. Or his younger brother. Those two had grown in a very unhealthy environment, no doubts there. But you had hope and trust that even they would change their tune. All it takes is for someone to realize that it’s okay to open up.

And Jim’s sporadic, little confessions about what had happened to his family were horrifying. The poor man. A lot of camp residents had horrifying stories, and all trauma is trauma, but you had to actively control your shudder when he whispered that the dead people had ripped his family, quite literally ripped them, from his arms.

Which lead you to tonight’s nightmare of Jacqui sacrificing herself and getting ripped from your arms and eaten alive while you were left untouched, even while surrounded by those things. You awoke feeling like you were being choked, then realized that you were experiencing sleep paralysis.

Finally, you were able to wake yourself up fully and were shaking so hard and hyperventilating so strongly that your extremities were numbing and your stomach felt cold and tingly due to the excess oxygen coursing through your bloodstream. You managed to grab your canteen and unzip your tent, wave to Dale on guard duty atop his RV, and stumble your way down to the lake as you practiced your grounding techniques and worked on controlling your breathing.

Daryl

She seemed to have a routine of it, so it ended up becoming his routine, too. He felt like an idiot for doing it – what, was he her guardian angel or something? And yet, he kept at it for over a month.

He just wanted to make sure she didn’t drown, okay? Plus the night sky was damned insane these days, all those stars and shit. And she looked sort of, dunno, nice out there when she swam. It was the way that she floated and looked up at the stars that did it. It made him feel like he could...breathe better, if that made sense?

And the old man had casually mentioned it today, actually. Daryl thought he was gonna get chewed out by him for thinking he was a creep, but Dale had just explained that it was simply something that Y/N needed to do to manage (manage what?), and that he was glad that someone else was keeping watch so that he didn’t have to keep leaving his post and climbing down off the RV to make his way down the hill and keep watch on her.

Dale also had the honest balls to admit “I was initially worried, to tell you the truth, that you may have begun following her to do something inappropriate. But whenever I checked, you were merely leaning against that tree with your arms crossed or sitting down on that rock as if you were in a waiting room.”

Maybe it was because he felt somewhat exposed that he snapped back “Somebody’s gotta make sure that bitch don’t drown.”

“Now Daryl, I know that you have a good heart; please refrain from using such a contentious word to refer to women.”

You

Tonight was a really bad one. Really bad. You had to keep at your grounding techniques and breathing exercises for far longer than usual. You��d even started to cry, but couldn’t even catch your breath long enough for your sobs to make noises. It felt like a heart attack this time, like you were dying. That hadn’t happened in a long time. It was really, really, fucking bad.

By the time you’d finally calmed down enough to regain feeling in your fingers and stop trembling, you were far too tired to swim. You trudged back up the hill and crashed in your tent without even zipping it up behind you.

Daryl

Well shit. Whatever happened to her tonight was bad as fuck. He was fairly certain it must’ve been nightmares, but like, shit. He’d never had a nightmare where he’d reacted like that. And he’d never seen her lose her cool like that. Shit, man.

Also, she forgot to zip up her tent, so he carefully tiptoed over and did that for her. Who wants to get eaten alive by mosquitos? No one.

Then he noticed Dale waving at him to come over up onto the RV.

“Everything all right, young man? What happened?” he questioned, his brows drawn close.

“Hell if I know. She didn’t even swim, she just seemed to be having a damn meltdown or somethin’.”

“The poor dear,” Dale sighed sadly. Then he patted Daryl’s shoulder and said “It’s very good of you to keep watch over her, son. Very good of you.”

You

It finally happened. You’d had a night terror and woke the whole camp. You played it off as saying there was a very big critter sneaking around your tent that had caught you off guard.

You weren’t sure which you preferred, the nightmares, where you would often remember them but could also consider them after the fact and try to understand them, or the night terrors, that you could barely ever remember but from which you awoke screaming.

You would’ve gone for a swim once the camp was back asleep, but you thought it best to stay in your tent and not risk waking anyone again, considering everyone would be on edge.

Daryl

“Annoyin’ ass bitch, screaming over a raccoon or some shit,” Merle slurred, still half-asleep, half-drunk, or both.

“Just go back to sleep, man, ain’t no big deal.”

“Why your panties in a bunch, little sister?”

“G’night, Merle.”

You

Carol and Jacqui made you coffee the morning after the night terror. “It’s a very refined combination of certified instant dark brew with genuine, powdered non-dairy creamer,” Carol shyly joked.

With a grin and a coy purse of her lips, Jacqui added “And some hot cocoa mix for a nice little somethin’ extra, baby.”

Also, after that morning the camp had cleaned up and took extra precautions to contain their food supplies to limit the amount of critters that might come sniffing about.

And then, you had four nights of peace after that night terror! You still kept your routine of swimming laps and doing centering exercises, but Lord how much better you felt getting some regular, undisturbed rest.

Glenn spoke to you about his family in Michigan and how he felt like he was a bad son for having lived so far from them. Then you two discussed ways to calm oneself and stay centered and focused while out on a supply run.

Amy spoke to you about a similar concern, that of her parents in Florida, and how she couldn’t stop wondering if they had somehow survived, too.

Miranda and her husband both spoke to you separately, each worrying about protecting their children and keeping each other safe, and what do if they, God forbid, lost one another or either of the kids.

And Dale spoke to you, too, but not about himself; about you. He’d noticed your late-night excursions but hadn’t wanted to cause you to feel self-conscious by bringing them up until now.

He then notified you that he would be there if you ever needed to talk yourself, and to of course be careful when you swam so as to not overexert yourself, even if you had “an extra guardian angel” watching over you. You hadn’t expected him to say something to that regard and it surprised you, but you found it very sweet.

Daryl

He was pretty sure he’d narrowed it down whatever was up with her to some nervous issue that gave her those nightmares, but at least she seemed to be having a better time with it this week. She still did those damn night swims, but he didn’t mind.

Okay, he minded a little because he was starting to get damned tired this week in particular, but it wasn’t so bad. He got to see the night sky looking all pretty and shit, and he got to see her floating in the water and gazing up at it, too, just as mesmerized.

He sure was glad that Merle wasn’t in his head or he’d call him a pussy for thinking girly stuff like that.

Whenever Merle asked where he was going if he caught him leaving, he would just grunt that he needed to take a dump and continue on his way.

You

Another nightmare. Another panic attack, though thankfully the attack itself was mild this time. Another walk down to the quarry while focusing on controlling your breathing and grounding yourself before you took off your clothes and slipped into the water.

You got winded after you’d done ten laps, so flipped onto your back to look at the stars. You decided that once you saw three shooting stars or until you yawned, whichever came first, you’d call it quits and head back.

Daryl

She was floating, and that usually meant that she was almost done with her swim. And good, ’cause he was extra tired tonight. Like, so damned sleepy. He kept doing that trap-pinch thing to keep himself from drifting off.

He wished that he could light up a cigarette to help him stay awake, but then she’d smell it and maybe see the flame or the burning end glowing in the dark and would freak and think he was creeping on her.

Whoa, shit, he just nodded off again. Okay, okay, she was still fine, still floating and moving her arms. But she was in an entirely different spot than she’d been before, which meant that he was out cold for at least a minute.

Dammit, Dixon, wake your lazy ass up and quit falling asleep like a damn baby. Drowsy dumbass.

You

“Well ain’t that the prettiest thing I done seen in a while.”

You froze, still ankle-deep in the water. God help you, you wished you were closer to your towel and clothes. And how had you not noticed him coming down the hill?

Well, you hadn’t been looking for anyone, duh. No one but Dale had ever caught you, and you’d been at this for a month and a half! Calm down, Y/N. Control your breaths. Use the panic to your advantage. You can hear better, see better, move faster, and you are physically stronger. Just control your breathing so you can feel better and think more rationally.

“If I’d’ve known this is what I’d find tonight, I would’ve had me a wash, sugar.”

“Merle. I don’t want you looking at me. Turn around so that I may put the rest of my clothing back on,” you told him, your voice somehow calm and clear.

“You ain’t my usual type, but those curves are delicious and you got a real pretty face. Ain’t harming no one by just lookin’ and appreciating, am I princess?”

“You are. It’s causing me distress, which is harmful even if not physically so. Turn around, Merle.”

“All right, all right,” he relented, and did indeed spin around. “But you should know that even without reaching down and rubbin’ it, I am so damned hard for you right now.”

“That you are feeling aroused is unwanted knowledge and I feel unsafe hearing you discuss it. Stop.”

“You sound tense, girl. A quickie could just what you need to chill a bit. You’re a shrink, so you know how it is. Say the word and I’ll get on my knees and eat –”

“Stop talking and go back up the hill. Now.”

“Just sayin’ it could be fun,” he whined, hands raised. “We could wake the camp together screamin’ this time for much more fun reason than gettin’ spooked by some little critter.”

“I will wake them up right now if you don’t back off!” you growled at him.

“Merle!” another voice suddenly shouted from the trees. “Get your ugly ass on out of here!”

Daryl

He’d fallen asleep? He’d actually fallen so asleep that he’d missed that his damned brother has showed up? Shit. Shit, shit, shit, what the fuck, man?

It was only when he’d heard her shout for someone to back off that he jolted back awake and saw what was happening.

Granted, he wasn’t sure what was happening, but he saw Merle (Merle!) standing at the shore and her standing a ways away, still ankle-deep in the water, and drew conclusions about the rest.

He may have been stupid, but not that stupid; he knew what his brother could be like. He didn’t think that Merle would go so far as to try anything, but he could still say some pretty nasty shit. Seemed to get off on it.

Cue Daryl to bark at for him to “Get your ugly ass on out of here!”

“There he is! So is this where you been sneakin’ off to, sly devil? Play with yourself while this fine little mama swims around?”

“I weren’t doing none of that shit, nasty bastard, now get out of here!”

“Yeah, sounds about right,” he sneered, rolling his eyes. “Even though you’re still a sweet little virgin, ain’t ya?” he added, low enough that probably only Daryl could hear. Merle then smirked and turned around, arms up in surrender. But not before he made sure to say “But hey, I would’ve been gentle with her.” A glance back at her with that shit-eating grin. “’Til you begged me to give it to you harder, ain’t that right, sweetheart?”

Daryl had no idea why he was ready to curb stomp his brother’s cracker ass but holy shit, he was.

He watched as Merle made it up to the top before finally finding the wherewithal to say something to Y/N.

“He’s an asshole. M’sorry,” he mumbled to her.

You

Inhale through your nose for five seconds, exhale through your mouth for five seconds. Feel the water as it moves around your ankles. Smooth and cool. Feel the rocks and pebbles and sand underneath your feet. Rough, hard, and grainy. Hear the insects buzzing and chirping. Feel the breeze gently flowing. Smell the wet earth scent tickling your nose. Inhale for five, exhale for five...

“He’s an asshole. M’sorry,” Daryl mumbled to you, interrupting your centering exercise.

Your voice is unsteady as you reply “You aren’t at fault for his actions, Daryl, remember that.” Inhale. Exhale. “Thank you for convincing him to leave.”

“You okay?” he asks.

“I’m not okay right now, but I will be soon,” you answer truthfully. You look up to see him facing away from you. That was unexpected, but very welcome.

“Here, um, lemme, um,” and he cautiously sidestepped towards your pile of clothes and your towel, picked them up, and sidestepped a little closer, arm extended. You grabbed the clothing and he immediately took a few steps away.

And he still hadn’t glanced in your direction even once. For that, you were grateful. You would have felt exposed and vulnerable even if you weren’t only wearing a sports bra and undies.

“Your brother alluded to you coming out here multiple times,” you spoke, toweling off and throwing back on your pajamas as fast as you could.

“I wasn’t doin’ nothing dirty, I just wanted to make sure – well, the first time it was an accident...” he trailed off.

“Why did you continue, Daryl?”

“You were swimmin’ alone. at night, in the dark. That’s risky.”

“That doesn’t quite answer my question.” You were using your professional voice, gently and calmly asking questions in an attempt to elicit an honest answer. “Why did you continue?”

“...Didn’t want you to drown. And you s-sometimes seemed all panicked and shit, and – I dunno, m’sorry, alright? Geez,” and with that, he started to scurry away back up the hill with his tail between his legs.

Before you could call out for him to slow down, he stopped and turned around to ask again “Wait, you’re okay now or do you need me to stay?”

Daryl

Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. Dumbass, idiot, asshole, Daryl!

‘Or do you need me to stay?’ Why in the hell would she want him to stay?

Sure yeah, he’d been worried and wanted to see if she was gonna pass out or some shit, but he wasn’t that stupid (you sure about that?) to think that she’d want any more of his help after finding out he’d been watching her swim all this time!

Damn it. He just didn’t want her to drown is all! How shitty would that be, to have someone as damned sweet and loved as she was to kick the bucket from something like that? He’d never forgive himself!

“Yes, please,” she answered him.

What?

“Having you stay for a few minutes and walk back with me would be very welcome, Daryl.”

What?

She did? It would?

“I have an anxiety disorder, and these swims are a good way to manage symptoms,” she explained, seemingly very at ease with the fact. Then she paused to do that breathing thing again. “It also aids in my recovery after a particularly bad attack or nightmare, or after a night terror, of course.” Next, she looked at him and smiled. “Please come back, I won’t bite.”

So he did, awkwardly, (why are you so damned awkward?) and he wondered why on earth she’d not want to pummel him in the gut and rip him a new one. Unless she was about to?

“Can I help, or...?” he nervously asked her.

“In all truth, yes. Please rub my hands? It’ll help get the sensation fully back faster.”

So he took her hands in his and did as she asked. Weird thing was it was almost as if her hands were...electric or some shit. In a good way.

“You seem worried, Daryl. What’s going through your mind?”

“A lot. What’s goin’ through yours?”

“A lot,” she chuckled, her breathing just about back to normal. “Mainly that you must be the ‘guardian angel’ Dale mentioned a few weeks ago.”

“He what?”

“He used to make sure I was okay when I had my swims. Tried to be discreet about it, but he’s isn’t the most spry sort,” she said with another smile, her body relaxing as she closed her eyes. When she did that, he felt...relaxed, too.

“Anyways, he mentioned that an ‘ extra guardian angel’ was looking out for me. He isn’t the most religious of people, so that struck me as unusual. But it makes sense now. He knows that you’ve been keeping watch, I presume?”

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered back. Damn, this bitch was – sorry! Damn, this woman was quick, he meant.

And kind. And nice to be around.

How had it taken him so long to figure that out?

You

“That’s also why I’m not angry with you, in case you were curious. If Dale trusts someone, so too will I. And everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt.”

“M’sorry,” he mumbles again.

The poor man’s self-esteem was in the gutter, just look at him.

“I forgive you for whatever you think you’ve done wrong,” you offer. “But I would really like to thank you, Daryl, very much. For putting your own rest on hold to make sure that I was safe.”

You start to slowly walk up the hill now, and he trudges beside you. You peer at him and wonder if he might share, even if a little, if you tried. “Was it difficult to have to stand up to your older brother like that, or would you say that that’s a facet of your relationship – that you can call each other out when needed?”

He frowns slightly when he considers your question. “Merle’s...I dunno, Merle’s sort of...”

And you feel warmth in your very soul when he shyly starts to open up.

247 notes · View notes

nightswithkookmin · 3 years

Text

Alright time for an unpopular opinion

I enjoy it. The BT21, tiny tan and webtoon, merch by bts. I enjoy it all. Do i think BTS is milking us dry with these things??? HELL NO.

It's an insult to their talent, their fame, their hardwork and input to say they shouldn't monetize every bit of themselves in a capitalist world where if even if they don't someone will for them.

I will gladly give BTS all my hard earned money if I didn't hate being poor. But don't try me cos I will. If there was a way to directly put my money in BTS's pockets I would cos when I say I support them I truly mean it with my whole heart. I love them very much and I want to see them be rewarded for all their hardwork.

What I hate to see is the company or third party getting a huge chunk of monies that's supposed to go to them. I hate that with a passion. If BTS had a Ko-fi I'd be donating everything to them because they earned it and they deserve it.

It's a capitalist world. People work for a living and they donate almost as much as they earn. BTS have achieved a lot and have put in the work and deserve a comfortable life and lifestyle as their hardwork can afford.

I won't lie, I enjoy the BT21 characters the tiny tans and the webtoons. I really do. If i could consume all my favorite artists in this way I'd be very happy. It's one way to immortalize the boys and freeze them and shelter them from the effects of diminishing returns.

If you don't see the value in this, if you don't want to consume BTS in this way fine don't but don't speak for some of us who do.

I buy bags and necklaces and bracelets and lingerie and perfumes and artwork and shoes everyday. I like the Gucci belts and I pay a lot for it even though it's fake and that's all I can afford chilee I'd rather a fake leather bag made by Taehyung.

If you think I'm not finessing my way into acquiring all these merch made by BTS you have another thing coming. May be its consumerism but I'd donate all my belongings to make room for these items in my closet.

That said please donate to my Ko-fi so I can get that Bag by Tae and whatever Jikook want to make. Do it for the culture✊🏽

Yall don't know but I read webtoons alot more than fanfiction and I'm really excited for this webtoon yet yall just killing my vibe😒😒😒😒

The have an audience for the things they do. If it's not you it's me. There's something for everyone. Yours is the music, mine is the indepth interviews, memoirs, documentaries, runs, and made by BTS.

I want BTS to write a book, I want Jimin and Hobi to create a workout routine, I want Jimin to create a skincare line, do make tutorials, model some gender neutral clothes.

I mean I see the youtubers create merch and tshirts and people patronize it why not BTS?

Rihanna quit music to make lingerie- wish she just combined the two.

In case anyone needs reminding, BTS are lifestyle influencers as well. They have opportunity to monetize themselves before their careers are over I want to see them do that.

They make good music that heals the soul. Yet some of us have other ways we want to consume them.

I've supported artists I didn't even like in the past and bought their merch how much more BANGTAN.

THEY DESERVE IT.

what's the point of being famous if they can't monetize it. People have multiple streams of income why can't they create other avenues for earning centered around their music??

Why should they confine themselves to only one income stream making music and earning royalties from that they finna split 7 ways minus tax.

Please let them milk me i don't care because even Bezos is rich and they have a shitty delivery system.

Everything they make we already consume in one way or another from other designers and manufacturers and I'd rather they made something I actually had a need of.

Fingers, I'm manifesting that bag Tae made help me baby Jesus.

If they decide to venture into sex toys I nominate myself and my gf for the trials and won't mind at all if JM wants to test his nipple clamps on my titties ✊🏽

Will gladly take one for the team.

'You are a daring girl....'

Whew

Yes zaddy I am. Spank me👅

BTS are doing great. They have new album coming up, Festa is my Christmas I don't give a fuck about actual Christmas. They can spit on me and I'll thank them.

Please let's support everything they do if it's within your means to. But it hurts me when yall talk like they don't deserve it and what they are doing is silly when like everyone does it and it's actually a normal part of the work they do😒

FREE BTS

GOLDY

60 notes · View notes

harrypotter-imaginess · 4 years

Text

A/N: I got a tiiiiny bit of power and my first thought was my need for validation through my fanfiction lol. Hope you enjoy!

<This is Part 1!> / Part 2 Here!

- You’re in the middle of a blizzard, reading to pass the time, the power cuts in and out- giving you just enough time to scramble about trying to make your home just warm enough so you don’t freeze to death

- You sigh when it flickers off again, taking a sip from the hot drink you managed to make while you still had electricity

- Eyes turn back to the book in your hands, with the poor cell reception, and lack of television you’ve found the only thing you can bear to do it read and sleep

- Only occasionally withdrawing from both to eat whatever cold meal you can

- You’ve settled on reading the Harry Potter books, easy enough to read, even in your current condition

- The books are waterlogged, in terrible condition, you treated them quite rough when you were a child, though not all the blame is yours

- It’s an eclectic group, some hardcover some paperback, some borrowed from friends and never returned, some you got as a good deal at your local used bookstore

- You smile when you see all the parts with Fred and George are highlighted

- They always were your favorites

- You stiffile a yawn, you’re just getting to a good part-

- But a small rest won’t hurt will it?

- You feel your eyes drift close

- When they open again you’re looking at rolling hills, a wisp of steam curling into your view every so often

- Huh what a nice dream

- You close your eyes again only to feel a sharp sting in your neck that your eyes shoot open

- You don’t feel pain in dreams

- You’re in a train compartment an empty red bench in front of you

- You’re alone, the green hills rolling by outside the window

- You’ve seen this type of scenery before maybe in a movie, or a book-

- It looks a lot like something out of Harry Potter

- Your thoughts come to an abrupt hault, the memories slowly filtering in

- You’re a witch- your parents passed away in the first war, and you were brought up by your muggle godfather

- Don’t be mistaken, this isn’t some unfortunate Harry-Potter orphan story, your god father loved you a lot

- Even though he was a bit of a sl*t, the revolving circus of women that left his room every Sunday was practically your childhood form of television

- You even did a report on it in muggle school, high left several faculty members feeling concerned

- Still he loved you a lot, and he tried to be as honest as he could about your heritage, and your parents

- But well- he was a muggle, there was only so much he could do

- Still, he took you to kings cross himself, taking you to your gringott’s safe where your parents meager savings had increased by ten fold over the years, helping you pick your wand and books

- “Now I can’t go with you onto the platform, so write and let me know when you’ve reached safely alright?” You nodded, as he pulled you into a hug

- “I’m going to miss having you home”

- “But now you can bring women to the flat whenever you want” You were only joking but it makes him sniffle

- “I’d trade all of that to have you at home for just a few more years”

- You only pat his shoulder reassuring him you’ll be back during the holidays

- You had tried your hand at a few spells, but nothing drastic

- You were excited to see what Hogwarts would bring, what you might learn, and the friendships you might build

- You were so excited that you didn’t sleep all night, finally succumbing to a nap when you collapsed in an empty compartment

- And that brings you to the present, where you’re practically sweating buckets in the red bench.

- Okay, so you’re in Harry Potter now- some how

- And yeah, you’ve always kinda wished you could go to Hogwarts-

- But not like this!

- For one every book, like 3 kids die

- Even the cute ones, like Collin Creevey-

- And honestly if a main character like Fred Weasley died, what chance do you have at surviving?

- You’re probably just one of those nothing characters that dies at the battle of Hogwarts- if not sooner

- You look down at your hands

- Not to mention you’re suddenly eleven years old

- How many times did you have a nightmare you suddenly had to go back to middle or high school again because apparently you missed a class?

- Well this is like a nightmare come true

- You look under your shirt, holding the neck out only to sigh

- It’s your body still, you vaguely remember looking like this when you were younger

- But god-

- It’s like a strangers body at this point

- Ugh you don’t have time to think about this

- your goal right now is to survive

- A knock on your door pulls you out of your thoughts

- “Change into your robs, we’re getting close” a muffled voice says from the other side and you sigh

- Of course you are

- You sigh as you pull out your plain black wizards robe, almost looks like a graduation gown to be honest

- And that’s the uniform here is it

- Strange

- As you tug on the sleeves you think how you’re going to get out of this

- If you’re right the year is 1990, a year before Harry Potter shows up

- Okay so as far as you know- nothing really happens this year

- You don’t have to worry about all the Pureblood crap because both your parents were wizards, so you’re a half blood at least

- Now it’s all about house-

- If the books are 100% accurate then it’s between Slytherin and Gryffindor, Snape will turn a blind eye to any of your transgressions because of favoritism

- And McGonagall would go to bat for you if the circumstances were unfair

- Still- the Slytherin house seemed problematic what with the old money in that group

- Not all of them were probably like that- just the most prominent characters- you’d really rather not get involved with all that if you could

- And then- Gryffindor was even worse, you might be safe this year, but next year you would be plagued with death flag after death flag- no thanks

- Sprout seems nice enough, but you’re not too sure about that common room, in the dungeons- hard pass

- That leaves Ravenclaw, Flitwick seems nice enough, and the dorms are in a Ravenclaw tower

- Luna Lovegood will be there soon, and well, that could be pretty fun

- So you’ll try for Ravenclaw you think- pulling on your bag and joining the horde of students

- You’re about to join the other first years when you feel a tug on your bag.

- You turn towards the feeling to see two identical boys, a splatter of freckles across their nose, and flaming red hair

- “Are you (Y/N) (L/N)?” The taller of the two asks, a grin curled onto his lips, and his eyes full of stars

- You only nod

- They’re both looking at you like they’ve just seen a movie star and you can’t figure out why

- You’re only eleven years old after all, what could you have possibly done?

- “Was you Mum-“ the shorter starts

- “Was she the famous auror?” The other finishes

- Ah- of course

- Your mother was indeed a famous war hero, known for her noble efforts during the war

- Your god father had told you that at least

- “I’m George, and this is Fred” the shorter - George- says jerking his thumb to his twin

- Oh

- So they’re Fred and George Weasley?!?!

- Honestly you should have known by the red hair

- You can’t believe you’re meeting some of your favorite characters

- You stick your hand out, hoping it’s not too sweaty

- “(Y/N),” you say, “but you already knew that”

- George grins as he takes your hand first, with Fred repeating the motion

- “What house do ya think you’ll go to?” Fred asks

- “We hope you’re aiming for Gryffindor” George adds with a sly grin

- You can feel your face warming up under their gaze

- Alright- change of plan- you’ll try to get into Gryffindor so you can be friends with George and Fred

- It’ll be a little risky, but until the end they weren’t really in any of the serious adventures.

- Besides maybe if you hang out with them, you can save Fred near the end

- “Maybe” you smile at them, hearing a voice call your name for a carriage

- “See you around!” You wave goodbye, stepping into you assigned carriage with a group of other first years

- It’s sort of a mismatch, you don’t quite recognize anyone in here

- Than again the children an age above Harry were never really mentioned

- “Ugh I can’t believe my glasses broke, what rotten luck” a girl besides you says- you turn to see a girl with long dark hair, fiddling with a pair of broken glasses in her hands

- “Ah here, can I?” You ask, holding out your hand, and the girl wordlessly hands you her glasses

- Your murmur a spell and watch as the metal expands curling until it wraps around the broken edge, resembling intertwined vines

- “It’s not the best, but it’ll do for now”

- It’s only when you look up to hand the girl back her glasses that you notice everyone’s watching you

- “How did you do that?” A boy asks, and you shrug

- “Oh well I just said the incantation-“

- “I’ve never heard that one before” another girl murmurs

- You shrug again

- “Anything can be an incarnation of you just put enough feeling into it right?”

- The children clamor at you all at once

- It turns out the two girls were Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott- both Hufflepuff’s if you remember correctly

- Guess they were a year older than Harry in this world

- And then the boy is Blaise Zambini

- You know in the books he’s in a morally Grey area at best.

- “So like this?” He asks and you shake your head

- “You have to put your wrist into it more”

- But now, as he’s begging you to teach him the repairing charm that you cast, all you see is a little boy who wants to learn

- Change of plans, if you get into Slytherin maybe you can watch over Blaise and be his best friend

- That way he won’t get all mixed up in that Death Eater crap

- Maybe you can even get him onto your side, make a coven of witches and wizards and do some non-alignment stuff during the war

- You’re all gathered in the hall, answering a roll call from a rather lithe and strict woman- professor McGonagall no doubt

- After that you’re left waiting, and feeling somewhat bored, and somewhat like you may have had too much pumpkin juice- you hobble off into the corridor looking for a bathroom

- “Hurry back I think we’re about to go into the sorting ceremony” Blaise says and you nod

- You do not, in fact, hurry back

- Because after relieving yourself- you are incredibly lost

- It doesn’t help that all the portraits keep on shuffling around, or that all the corridors here look equally dark

- It’s only on your third time around the portrait of a woman eating an apple do you see what appears to be a person

- “What are you doing in the corridor?” As you come closer you realize it’s a boy, a yellow and black striped tie around his neck. “Shouldn’t you be at the feast?”

- He’s quite pretty, with thick brown hair and rosy cheeks

- “I went to the bathroom and got lost,” you hear him murmur first year and raise an eyebrow “What’s your excuse?”

- He lets out a laugh, running a hand through his hair

- “That’s fair,” he admits. And then after a moment he says:

- “I’m hiding”

- Your eyebrows thread together

- “Like from a crazy ex lover or..?”

- He laughs again, shaking his head

- “No, from my professor.” And then after a moment, before you can ask ‘is it because you’re having an affair with them’ he says:

- “They want me to be prefect for my house next year, and I don’t know how I feel about that”

- You let that sink in,

- “I know I should do it- it would give me an opportunity to represent my house, and look out for all my friends, and I’m sure my dad would be awfully proud but-“

- But it’s a lot of responsibility

- You get it.

- You sit beside him on the floor

- “You should do it-“ and before he can give a reason why you say:

- “You would get your own bathroom and I think that means a lot in a place like this”

- He laughs again, only this time the laugh leaves in loud gaffs, somehow you feel like this is the first real laugh the boy has shown you

- “I’ve heard a lot of reasons, but having my own bathroom is definitely a first”

- He looks at you in a way that makes your hair stand on end and your skin feel hot.

- “I’m Cedric, Cedric Diggory.” He says with an extended hand

- Ah, so this is pretty boy Diggory.

- He does kinda look like a young Robert Pattinson to be honest

- You take his hand in yours giving a firm shake

- “ (Y/N) (L/N) “ and you see his eyebrows shoot up

- “ (L/N) like the-“

- “ Yeah that’s my mum, the famous Auror”

- Cedric’s mouth curls up in a lopsided grin

- “I was going to say inventor- the inventor for the portable infinity box”

- Ah yes, your dad was an inventor. You didn’t know much about it though. Just that his inventions had left you a small fortune

- “My parents were both pretty remarkable huh?”

- And even though they’re not really your parents, and this isn’t really your body, you feel a little sad thinking about them.

- Before you can give Cedric a chance to offer his condolences, you stand up brushing off your robe.

- “We’ll come on Mr. Prefect in the making, show me to where I’m to be sorted” you say with a wave of a hand

- He grins

- “As you wish”

- Maybe being in Hufflepuff wouldn’t be so bad,

- and if you can manage to get close to Cedric, maybe he’ll let you use the prefects bathroom

- Huh, that does sound enticing

- Okay change of plans, you’ll get into Hufflepuff

- For the nice bathroom privileges

- When you get into the hall you feel all eyes turn to look to you

- And even though you’re an adult, you feel awfully embarrassed

- “If you get in Hufflepuff let’s get a butterbeer to celebrate, my treat..” Cedric whispers in your ear, and you catch a glimpse of the lopsided grin curled onto his face before he pushes you forward towards the group of first years

- Your face still feels hot when your name gets called

- You gulp as you move towards the chair

- Well it’s do or die- and you don’t plan on dying here

- You gulp again as the cold wood presses against your thighs as you take a seat

- All you have to do is ask for it to put you in -

- Wait

- What house were you aiming for again?

- Logic dictates Ravenclaw, it’s your best chance-

- But well, you’ve always wanted to be friends with Fred and George it just seems like so much fun

- And then, Slytherin’s not so bad, it would be nice if you could change peoples opinions about that house

- Oh and Hufflepuff might be nice too, you would have someone to look out for you- and you in turn can look out for others like Susan and Hannah

- And so it seems you’ve made peace, no matter which house the hat chooses, you’re happy with the outcome because there’s good and bad in all of them

- These things aren’t one dimensional, they nuanced. And that’s okay

- You feel the hat place on your head, and several long moments of silence pass

- .

- ..

- ...

- ....

- Shouldn’t something be happening by now?

- Like at least whispers in your ear from the hat or something right?

- “I-“ it finally chokes out

- Ah good a decision

- Well what’s your future going to be like?

- “I don’t know” the hat finally sputters, a collective gasp filling the room

- You drop your face into your hands, as small murmurs begin to spread through the tables

- “F*ck me” you mumble

#harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter preferences #harry james potter #harry potter reader insert #Harry Potter x reader #George Weasley x reader #George Weasley imagine #fred weasley #fred weasly x reader #Fred Weasley imagine #Cedric Diggory imagine #cedric diggory x you #Cedric Diggory x reader #Draco Malfoy imagine #Draco Malfoy x reader

306 notes · View notes

theonlygamergost · 4 years

Text

Girls and pigs night out - Fd!au

This fanfiction is based on the Family Dynamic au made by @antarctic-bay if you would like to know more, go check them out!!!

Also please bear in mind that the things written in this might not be canon!

This fic was corrected by the lovely @im-default

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Niki has the house to herself this weekend, but her plans get cancelled last minute, so one of the Pandel brothers decides to become the back-up plan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warning!: Swearing

Enjoy~

“What colour do you-“ “Pink”

Niki was asking Techno the colour he wanted her to paint his nails, but his reply cut her off before she could finish the sentence. She stared at him, blinking a few times.

“That was… quick” she grabbed the pink nail polish, “Ouu~ What if we do pink and black?” she excitedly showed him the two glass bottles next to each other, “Sure” he softly smiled at how happy the girl was.

Niki had the house all to herself this weekend, Eret had left for an update course regarding his job and Tubbo was sleeping over at the Pandel household, leaving her alone.

She had tried to invite someone over, but everyone she asked already had plans, making Niki quite sad.

What made her extremely sad was when Minx agreed to a girls' sleepover but had to cancel it last minute. Techno was with her when she received the text and the poor girl felt avoided.

”I know they don't mean it Techno” she sobbed, holding the tears in, ”But it looks like everyone is avoiding me” dropping the phone on the sofa, she held her head between her hands, her body shaking with each sob.

”There there…” he caressed her back. Techno wasn't one to comfort people, he was usually the one to make them cry, so being on the comforter side wasn't familiar to him.

But be understood the situation Niki was in; Wilbur and the musical friend group weren't available, she had asked classmates only to be rejected with a ”We have an exam to study for, we aren't all like you who gets good votes because we are pretty and sweet talk the professors” which was first of all very rude, and second of all, not true. Techno knew how much Niki studied, they sometimes even studied together. And for a third, she invited Minx, she agreed and then sent her a text saying she couldn't make it, even Techno would feel avoided at this point.

”I know it's not like that but-!” she started crying, Techno could only feel bad for his friend.

But then, a thought arrived.

”What if you still have the sleepover, but instead of being girls only, it's for girls and pigs?” she looked up at him in disbelief, a tear rolled down her face, ”Y-you would do it?” he shrugged, ”It's not like I had anything better to do at home anyway” she smiled and hugged him, catching him off guard, ”Thank you Technoblade” he smiled and hugged the girl back.

So that's how they got in this situation, listening to One Direction songs while Niki painted Techno’s nails, of course all topped by a glitter face mask and some good old gossip.

”Wait wait wait- so you're telling me she stole her friend's money only to gift it back to her, look nice, and hit on her boyfriend?!” Niki stifled a giggle as Techno repeated what she had just told him, ”Yep, Janet had a crush on Adam for a while now, and even if he is taken, with her best friend, she is still trying to hit on him” Techno adjusted the border of his face mask, ”What a bitch” Niki burst out laughing, she had never seen Techno gossip, and the funniest thing was that he knew a lot about his classmates, he just kept quiet about it since he had no one to gossip to.

”If I remember correctly, she also tried to hit on Will” he gave Niki his other hand, shaking the one with fresh polish on around to dry it faster, ”Let's be honest Techno, who hasn’t tried to hit on Will? Every girl in the school has fallen for his charm” they giggled at the fact that yes, that was true, but even if that was a thing, Wilbur was still single.

”Well not all of the girls, you didn't hit on Wilbur” Niki rolled her eyes, ”That’s… correct, but I did fall for his charms, just not in that way, I am his friend after all” Techno nodded, mumbling ”true true” to himself.

”And done! Oh my God Techno you look so good!” Niki closed the nail polishes and admired her work, ” You did an incredible job Niki, oh! oh! Can I paint yours?” Techno asked excitedly, already looking at the drawer with the polishes, ”If I did pink and black you have to get pink and white” she giggled at the sight of Techno in Eret’s borrowed t-shirt, it was too large for him and it made him look like a blob, ”Are you suggesting we get matching nail polish?” she fake-gasped, ”Heck yeah I am” he smiled as he sat back down next to her with the small glass bottles, his nails weren't even fully dry yet here he was, painting Niki’s nails.

After the nails dried out and they took off the face masks, Techno proposed a “Midnight snack” aka strawberry vanilla and chocolate ice cream (of course eaten directly from the box with a big spoon) while bingeing various Netflix series.

After a couple of hours, Niki looked at the boy lying next to her and noticed how soft his pink hair looked, so she reached out to touch it and gasped, slightly scaring Techno, “Oh my god your hair is so soft for being dyed! How do you do it?!” He smirked, “Conditioner and hair mask?” He replied like it was the most normal thing in the world, she gasped again, “You use a hair mask?” She looked at him in shock, his smirk got wider “Once a week”

They ended up talking about their hair care routine and what brands they used for dyed hairs shampoos, while the tv was just background noise, Niki started to gently make small braids in Techno’s hair, “I can’t believe I never noticed how soft and bright your hairs are! I need to try out your brand” Techno’s hair wasn’t that long, but long enough to make multiple braids, decorating his silk smooth hair.

“If you want to try out various brands, do not try the purple-bottle one, it slightly darkens the colour of your hair, especially if it’s a bright colour” Niki nodded making a mental note.

“I have tried a lot of brands before I found mine, but-” Techno’s phone started ringing, interrupting his sentence, Niki kept braiding his hair peacefully.

It was a video call from Phil, Techno was resting his head on a cushion on Niki’s lap so he extended his arms in front of him and answered:

“HELLO TECHNOBLADE, Hi Technomate~” The greet of his two brothers came in at once, the two distinct voices overlapped.

“Helloo~” He greeted back, Phil was sitting at the kitchen counter while Tommy was standing behind him.

“Where are you Techno? You didn’t tell us you were spending the night out” He apologised by moving the phone so Niki was in the shot behind him, “I’m staying at Niki’s tonight, I’m sorry I forgot to text you” Phil nodded and reassured him it was fine, meanwhile, Tommy noticed Niki who kept braiding Techno’s hair.

“Oh my- BWAHAHA!!!” he burst out laughing, “What are you laughing at Tommy?” Everyone got a bit confused, “Look at Techno’s hair!” to that, Phil awed, thinking it was very cute, Tommy laughed once more while Techno blushed.

“Y-your just jealous I look better than you!” He did something he rarely did, stutter in embarrassment, but Tommy got angry at the roast and didn’t realize it.

To get back at him he asked one of his cringy questions:

“Hey, Technoblade! Wh-what are you doing at a girl’s house all alone?!” Techno grinned and brought his phone closer to his mouth so he could whisper the reply, “Girls and pigs night out, bitch”

That phrase went into Wilbur’s quote book.

#fd! au #fd au #fanfiction #my fanfiction #my writing #writing #mcyt #technoblade #nihachu #tommyinnit #ph1lza #wilbur soot #tubbolive #tubbo

255 notes · View notes

dayseternal-blog · 4 years

Note

Bunny-Hoodlum's eblogs of your posts actually got me wondering: what's your top 5 fanfic?

TUMBLR DESERVES TO KNOW, DAYS

HMMM!!

After thinking about this ask for probably too long, I think I have different Top 5s, like within different categories. And like bunny, my faves are influenced a lot by who was writing when I first entered the NaruHina fanfiction world because they made the most impact on me in developing my own style.

I’m sorry, this is super long, like, I have a problem.

🙌🏼My Top 5: Best Characterization, Plot, & World🙌🏼

All of the following just set the bar really high when it comes to creating a living, breathing main character. The storylines are daring and fresh. Side characters are treated with careful attention. Each chapter brings something important and new. There are no wasted words. The world the characters live in is vibrant and necessary. Basically, these stories deliver in a way that I could never hope to even try to emulate.

Btw, these all have a strong or healthy dose of AnNGgSssT.

💯 “Tainted and Possessed” by cafrye017 - Demons/Angels AU. Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Rated E for a lot of things. Adventure, Drama, Action, Eventual Romance. - Naruto, enslaved by the Sanctified for his Forsaken blood all his life, learns that he holds a power great enough to one day change the system, but he’s not on this journey alone.

💯 “Common Side Effects” by @katarinahime & “Medicated” by @szajnie - Crime/Modern AU. Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Rated E for a lot of things. Drama, Action, Romance. - Naruto and Hinata, in a struggling relationship, must confront the pain inside before they can love each other.

💯 “Powerless” by @bunny-hoodlum - Mystery/Crime Modern AU. Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Rated E for a lot of things. Drama, Action, Eventual Romance. - His family’s past can’t be taken at face-value, and it comes clawing back to hurt him in ways that are out of his control. DELETED FIC.

💯 “A Place in the Sun” by ihaveastorminme - Canon-Divergent AU. Multi-chapter, Incomplete Forever. Rated E. Action, Romance. - Naruto realizes that he’s not enough to love her. He’s not enough to save her, either.

💯 “Stolen Beginnings” by @utsus - Mystery/Crime Modern AU. Long One-Shot/Incomplete. Rated M. Drama, Action, Eventual Romance (?). - Naruto always covers his tracks, not realizing he’s leading Hinata down the wrong trail.

Yeah. Those five are the strongest I’ve ever read in technical composition. The characters have depth, the plot is gripping, and the setting is alive.

❤️My Top 5: I Just Love Them So Much❤️

These next five are ones I’ve reread and practically studied! I’ve taken pieces of these stories and pocketed them as essential to how I write characters, scene transitions, descriptions of smut, emotions of falling in love, etc.! If these writers have ever read my stuff, they’ll be like, hey 😠 is she copying me?😠. And the answer is, yes 🙇🏻‍♀️, yes I am 🙇🏻‍♀️.

These 5 stories align best with what I personally like, so basically, these are all the foundations of how I attempt to write:

💖 “Unless the World Were to End” & its successor “21 Days” by @bunny-hoodlum - Modern AU. One-Shot & Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Rated E for smutttt. Drama, Romance. - Anonymous internet buddies decide to meet up IRL and give each other their first times.

💖 “Serenity Prayer” by @katarinahime - Modern AU. Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Rated E for a lot of things. Drama, Romance. - When their fairytale endings smash to ugly pieces, Hinata and Naruto help put each other back together.

💖 “Love and Water” by nineetaaaillled - Canon-Divergent AU. Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Rated E for smut. Drama, Romance. - The hardest part isn’t acknowledging that he’s in love, it’s believing that he can be loved.

💖 “Made in Heights” by @utsus - Spy AU. Long One-Shot/Incomplete. Rated E for smut. Drama, Action, Romance. - Hinata is definitely skilled enough to infiltrate the highly secured Uchiha party and steal sensitive intel that will save lives. It’s just a matter of making it out alive.

💖 “Lady Usagi” by @mmmbuttery - Canon-Divergent AU. One-shot. Rated G. Drama, Romance. - A quiet girl working in an inn meets a noisy young lord, but all is not as it seems.

No matter how many times I read these, they never lose their shine. I can always fangirl over those 5 (6) favorites.

🥵My Top 5: Favorite Smut Stories🥵

because yes, this definitely needs its own category, it’s very important. I would put “Unless the World Were to End” in here, but also that’s just a general fave, so I won’t include that one on this list. My favorite porn with plot, here we gooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

😳 “Side Effects” by Cheating Death - Modern AU. Multi-chapter, Complete. You can easily skip the rape and non-con without compromising the plot, the author warns you before it happens. - When Naruto and Hinata decide to participate in a high-paying clinical study, they wind up signing up for much more than they bargained for.

😳 “Money Shot” by callmesenorita - Modern AU. Multi-chapter, Complete. - When Naruto meets Hinata again, he can’t help comparing her to his favorite cam girl.

😳 “Out With the Old” by agitosgirl - BDSM Modern AU. Two-Shot, Complete. - A poor submissive meets a new Dominant to take care of her.

😳 “Shinobi Passions” by HoneyWriter78 - Canon-Divergent AU. Multi-Chapter, Incomplete. - When a mission takes a surprising turn for the worse, only Naruto can help her through the night...

😳 “Ghost (touch)” by @linisen - Soulmates/Modern AU. One-shot. - A soulmate AU where you feel where the other person is touching their body and thinking about you - like a ghost touch.

Hmm maybe honorable mentions would be “Timer: Naruto Edition” by funkychicken67, “Differences” by EroPrincess, “Secrets of the Hidden Leaf” by Sessakag (wait, does that one even have a plot), and “I’m in Here” by @bunny-hoodlum (hmmm actually that’s definitely porn without plot lol). There are tons of really good NaruHina smut fics, so this was hard.

✨My Top 5: Best of 2020✨

The stories of this past year that really, really made me look forward to checking the AO3 update list!! Like, there were a ton of new stories last year, and I didn’t get to read a lot of them, and especially for the long multi-chapter ones, I just didn’t have the emotional capacity to start them. But out of what I did get to read, the following were the most memorable and left an impression on me (pretending to exclude @bunny-hoodlum’s “Territorial”, because that’s just starting to feel unfair of me if she’s in every list lollllllll).

💫 “Still Falling for You” series, especially “August” and “October” by @chloelapomme - Various AU based on the NaruHina2020 Prompts. One-shots and Multi-chapters, Mostly Complete. Various Ratings and Genres. - August: Despite differences in cultures, appearances, and current occupations, Naruto will always feel at home with Hinata. October: Hinata has an unhealthy obsession. Naruto does, too...

💫 “A fate worse than death” & “A risky bet” by Caelestia - ABO Canon Universe. Two-Shot, Complete. Rated E. Romance. - Improperly socialized for his inner Alpha as a child, Naruto struggles with the intimacy of his mating bond.

💫 “Harbinger of Light” by @mysterious-crimson-lotus - Canon-Divergent AU. Multi-chapter, Complete. Rated T. Action, Romance. - Hinata is his light in the middle of the war.

💫 “As Luck Would Have It” by @vegebulsoup - Modern AU. Multi-chapter, Complete. Rated M. Romance. - Two strangers wake up naked together in Las Vegas with no memory of the night before.

💫 “Come and Find Me When the Weather is Fine” by @badluckbrebis - Modern AU. Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Rated T. Drama, Romance. - When she comes back for a wedding, years later after moving abroad, Hinata catches Naruto’s attention...but is he ready for a relationship?

AHHHHH I’M FINALLY SATISFIED WITH MY ANSWER. This took me sooooo long to put together because I kept rereading 🥺 all the stories I clicked on 🥺. Time to go to bed.

#anon #naruhina fanfic recs #my top 5 #more like top 20 haha #this really is my ultimate rec list #naruhina fanfic rec list

87 notes · View notes

bellatrixxue · 4 years

Text

Xue’s Supernatural Dare: Wendigo (S1 EP2)

Hello, everyone? How did everyone feel about the finale? Yes? Yes? Oh. Oh. Oh my. Oh, dear.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell that half-assed homophobic chicken-shit fuckbucket’s not gonna stop me, since I strapped myself onto this roller coaster already and I promised I’m not getting out until the ride’s over, so here we go, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Also, those who are in this roller coaster with me, ready? Tag list is: @fangirlxwritesx67 @amazingiam00 @kalliravenne @indecisive20something @2musiclover2 @impossibletosleepthrough @there-must-be-a-lock @wingedcatninja @arvit

Oh my gods this recap is so cheesy I actually can make a fondue out of it. 2000s, everybody!

A WHOLE MINUTE AND A HALF FOR THAT FONDUE

FUCKJUMPSCARETITLEFUCKYOU

So we’re starting the episode with the murder scene first, eh? Is that gonna be a trend?

Oh come on, Chads, you’re out in nature and you’re playing video games? Absorb the nature...before it absorbs you!

Waitwait. Holy shit is that...is that Cory Monteith? Oh, bless his soul...

If the wendigo eats his dick as he’s peeing I’m immediately giving Jensen Ackles $100. For no real reason, I just feel like giving him money for already carrying the show on his back.

I can’t tell if it did or not, so I’m not paying yet.

Aw, Sammy...

"I should have told you the truth.” *Vine voice* BUT YOU DIDN’T

FUCKYOUINTHEASSHOhnightmare. Nightmare. So did he visit her at her grave or not? I need answers.

A week? Goddamn. Poor thing. That man-eating tree’s fucking good at his job, man.

“There’s nothing there, it’s just...woods,” Sam, I don’t know if Jess’s death hit you hard or if you got into law school by eating some ancient dick and/or pussy instead of earning that high score fair and square, but the woods “in the middle of nowhere” (your words) are known to be one of the top places full of weird-ass creatures. Even kindergartners know that.

Ehehehehehehehehe he’s so smol next to his lil bro my lil shit

At least you’re coming up with decent covers this time. No Agent Mulder and Scully ruining things for you this time around.

“Bull” oop-

Oh Dean’s a smoooooooooth operator. Good going, buddy.

AND HE GOT A COPY OF THAT DOCUMENT TEAM DEAN TEAM DEAN

Oh that death really got to Sam. I hope he doesn’t turn out to be a trigger-happy psycho. Or eat the man-eating tree and become one himself.

Oh, Haley’s a cutie! Which one’s her brother? Cory? Discount Enrique Iglesias?

Do you have a card for EVERY profession, Dean? And how do I get them too?

That is a very pretty car. I bet they wasted half the budget on that thing.

Okay, sonny boy, little bro, Broseidon, calm down.

Ah, fuck, Haley and Broseidon is gonna go into the woods, that’s more heads to worry about.

How the fuck does Sam find information this fast? I’m impressed, I take five hours to get to one article for my research paper. Or maybe I’m just lazy. So he really earned his law school interview without having to eat dick and pussy, huh.

Every 23 years? What is this, Pennywise? Are we going to see the wendigo do his best Tim Curry do his best scary clown impression? Honk honk?

“Whatever that thing is, it can move.” And the sun rises on the East, Sammy. Why are you so smart and dumb at the same time? Is this his character trait? It might grow on me.

Ahhh, so Sam’s go-to move at interrogation is doing puppy dog eyes and sympathize with the person. He’d make a good lawyer, shame that man-eating tree.

Go Grandpa Exposition, go!

Go Grandpa Exposition, go, give us information and none at all!

OH GEEZ THAT SCAR. PENNYWISE WENDIGO IS VICIOUS.

Skinwalker, Back Dog...Ooh, those all sound cool! I hope we get to see them soon!

‘Corporeal’ doesn’t sound like a real word, but then again, English doesn’t sound like a real language. Sorry. Moving on.

Sam’s gonna eat the wendigo with that attitude, Jesus Christ.

AND HIS BROTHER, AT THIS RATE. If the real villain turns out to be inside Sam all along I’m gonna flip. Is that why women keep dying and burning on ceilings where he sleeps? Is he secretly Lucifer’s spawn or something?

“Oh sweetheart I don’t wear shorts”. They queer-coded him from the start and they tried to make you believe he was straight for fifteen seasons straight? And some people bought that?

Oh, crap, another crappy death treatment for Cory before he got into Glee...No, I wasn’t into Glee, I just watched a few episodes and I might hate Rachel Berry...And Lea Michele...ahem...

Dean is totally flirting with Roy shut upppppppp

OOP AND THERE ROY GOES OH THE SEXUAL TENSION IS HIGH IN THESE WOODS TODAY

“It’s probably the most honest I’ve been with a woman. Ever.” See. Bi. Bi bi bi.

So...why the coordinates, Daddy Negan? Is this a portal to Hell? A place where man-eating trees grow?

*carefully places death flag on Roy*

Ooooh the campsite is very...haunted house-y. You know what I’m saying?

That’s not Discount Enrique Iglesias, but Pennywise wendigo, yes? Those things can mimic human voices, right?

*Google searches*...There are so many versions of this tale I can’t even confirm or deny it. Dammit.

Maybe Pennywise wendigo just wants some snacks and a nice phone and GPS? Maybe he misses his family in uh, Canada or something?

Daddy Negan’s journal is a e s t h e t i q u e .

I’m so sorry, but the way Sammy smirks as he speaks with those dark, dark voids for eyes? My boy’s a demon. He’s a demon, I’m telling you.

At least Haley has some sense to her. *puts another death flag on Roy*

*PUTS YET ANOTHER DEATH FLAG ON ROY*

True, that. What the heck is Daddy Negan up to with all of this?

“Saving people, hunting things, the family business!” Okay, the way Dean said it gave me chills.

I can actually empathize with Sam here...As whiny and bitchy as he is, he has his reasons to be this way. I guess if I were in his shoes, I’d be less of a Dean and more of a Sam, too. We deal with our losses quite similarly.

Ah, the brotherly bonding moments like these little talks make the show worth it. It’s so heartwarming.

Pennywise wendigo! I didn’t miss you, why’re you here to burst my happy bubble?

I’m starting to see a slight parallel between Haley and Broseidon and Dean and Sammy. Hmm.

Nice meeting you, Roy. Zoop you go.

Haley and Broseidon are taking this rather well, I’m glad they do.

Okay, actual exposition time, thank you.

Whoa, Broseidon speaks! Donner Party! Please don’t remind me of that! Those poor people!

Hibernation and food storage. Delightful, just delightful.

TORCHING? *CALLS RAMMSTEIN*

Somehow, not being able to see the wendigo is scarier to me than what I will probably see itself. Limited budget horror can actually work well.

Oh, dear, Roy literally did a death drop. Badum tissssssssss.

FUCK IT TOOK DEAN THE ONLY CHARACTER I CARE ABOUImean I love you too, Sam! Come on, let’s find him before it’s too late!

A trail of M&Ms! Yes, Broseidon! And Hansel and Gretel refercalled it. Sammy, you and I share the same wavelength?

SHITSHITTHEYTRIPPEDANDFELLINTHEFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Thank the gods the Pennywise wendigo kept them right there. Chances.

DISCOUNT ENRIQUE IGLESIAS IS STILL ALIVE GEEZ BUT ALSO PHEW

Ah, Dean Winchester, I love you so much that I can’t even begin to describe it.

Also how convenient that the flare guns are there. Deus ex machina!

Haley would bode well as a hunter, look at her courage, her will. There are more hunters around than Daddy Negan and the brothers, right?

Yeah, seeing the actual wendigo makes me less scared of it now. It’s unnerving, but still.

TEAM DEAN YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW

Graphics are...alright, but it’s the thought that counts!

Running with the grizzly bear story. Smart Broseidon. Ben. Sorry, you deserve to be called by your real name. I think with practice they could become good hunters, along with their Discount Enrique Iglesias brother! Is there a fanfiction for that? Can I write it now?

...

I AM WILLING TO DIE TO PROTECT DEAN WINCHESTER I

Haley’s a lesbian, that’s why she kissed him on the cheek only. Headcanoned. Also I have a crush on her, she’s really pretty? Like? Heart eyes???

Ah, the siblings parallels again. Let’s hope neither of the two brothers end up in the bed like that.

“Man, I hate camping.” Really. Really really. Really.

“I’m driving”

...

SAM WINCHESTER I’M SORRY I EVER SPOKE ILL OF YOU I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE TOO I PROMISE YOU I WILL

It’s just a sassy bisexual brother and his little snide bisexual brother on the road to kill evil creatures and find their father and I love this show? Help? Help???

I really, really see the charm of Supernatural now! I’m fully invested in both brothers and their story, and I’m cheering them both on! Let’s get Daddy Negan back and get rid of that man-eating tree once and for all!

Six stars out of five!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This dare is introducing me to a whole new world, and I really, really am glad I took that jump a few days ago, man!

Thank you everyone for reading my ramblings, and I’ll see you in the day after with the next review! Thank you for sticking with me! Buh-bye!

- Xue

#xue's supernatural dare #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #jensen ackles #sam winchester #jared paladecki #text #i had a really bad day today with my constant pain and aching from the chemo #but this really brought genuine smiles to my face!#what a good show #what a wonderful show #how the FUCK did they fuck it up later #well #i guess i'll find out when i get there lmao

77 notes · View notes

ordinaryschmuck · 3 years

Text

What I Thought About "What If...Captain Carter was the First Avenger" from Marvel Studios' What If...

Salutations, random people on the internet who certainly won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Back when Marvel Studios announced the new lineup of films and shows, I was admittingly underwhelmed. Nothing we've seen so far has been poorly written, far from it, but during the announcement, nothing really popped out at me as worth getting excited for. That is, except for one series: Marvel Studios' What If... An animated series that changes the canon of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, all through the simple question. The question being, "What if this happened instead of that."

From the get-go, I was sold on this idea. I'm a sucker for hypothetical scenarios, thinking up all the ways of how some of my favorite stories in fiction could be drastically different thanks to one tiny change. Some might call that "Fanfiction the Series," and while you're not wrong, I fail to see how that's a criticism. Because fanfiction can be fun...just as long as you ignore the sick freaks, sure, but it still can be fun! So whether Marvel Studio's What If... is fanfiction or not, it still didn't change how excited I was to watch it. Was it all worth the hype? Well, to answer that question requires spoilers, so keep that in mind as we dive deep into Marvel's most ambitious project yet.

Now, let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

The Watcher: Gonna get the generals out of the way before I talk about what I specifically like about this episode. Ok? Ok.

Now, using the Watcher as the narrator for this series is just perfect. What If... already has a similar energy to The Twilight Zone: An anthology series that takes viewers to new and mysterious realities all through the guidance of an omniscient narrator. And using the Watcher as that type of narrator might just be the second-best choice...number one would be Stan Lee, obviously, but...he's dead now. May he rest in peace.

I haven't read that many comics, so there's not much that I know about the Watcher's character aside from a ten-second Google search. But something tells me that a character described as a celestial being that observes and records the events surrounding the galaxy sounds like the exact type of omniscience to guide us through the unknown. All added with Jeffrey Wright's performance, who really does convey a character that sounds like he's as old as time and wise beyond his years. Plus, it's pretty cool that such a seemingly odd character now technically plays a major role in the MCU canon. Comics are weird, and if the Watcher proves anything, it's better to embrace that weirdness than deny it.

The Animation: Looks like someone watched Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse.

That really is the feeling I got when watching this. What If... doesn't look as good as Spiderverse (Nothing can be as good as Spiderverse), but the idea is still there as it combines primarily CGI animation with a few hand-drawn elements. It makes certain scenes just pop and, at times, even makes specific shots look like they're straight from panels in a comic book. Besides, while Spiderverse still looks better, that doesn't mean the animation isn't phenomenal in What If... The scenery looks gorgeous, the CGI models moderately match their live-action counterparts, the expressions are fantastic, and movements are as smooth as butter. There was definitely some money that went into this series to make it look as good as it did, and my eyeballs were more than grateful because of it. Especially when it comes to--

The Action: Holy s**t, was it a good thing that this series was animated!

The MCU has had its fair share of great fight scenes in the past, but it always felt restricted to what the big superhero fights could be due to everything needing to look "realistic." That all changes in What If... Because now that this series is animated, we can finally chuck realism out the window and allow these characters to be as epic as they were in the comics. The movements are swift, the blows look like they hurt, and best of all, you actually get to see characters fighting each other! There are no random cuts to hide the stunt doubles or weird camera angles to avoid audiences seeing how ugly the CGIed replacements are. We get to see all of the action with zero restraint, thanks to the fact that animation is limitless and allows writers to get away with literally anything. And shows like this make me wonder, "Why the hell isn't the MCU animated?"

Peggy as Captain Carter: It's here that we get into the specifics, and by golly, do I love me some Peggy Carter making a return. And what a return she made!

Seeing Peggy kick Nazi ass as Captain Carter is as awesome as it sounds as she gives a new definition of a "Strong, independent woman." She took s**t from no one and was more than willing to destroy anybody who said differently. It's a ton of fun for fans (the ones who aren't sexist, at least) and even fun for Peggy as well now that she gets a chance to wreck shop. However, that in itself could cause problems. If you watched Agent Carter (a great show, by the way), then you'll know that Peggy doesn't act as...somewhat meatheaded as she does here. As she said it herself, she's "usually more covert than this." And she is, as she was pretty much the first superspy in the MCU, who's impressive through how she effortlessly infiltrates her way to winning the day with diminutive requirements for fighting. So stripping that away gets rid of a core part of what makes her character so interesting. Although, in fairness, you could blame the fact that the reason she's acting like this is that the super-soldier serum is messing with her brain a bit. We've seen through U.S. Agent the reciprocations of the wrong person taking the serum, and while Peggy is far from the worst pick, there are hints of why Steve Rodgers was the best choice. Still, even though it's not the same Peggy Carter, that doesn't mean Captain Carter is a poor addition to the hero roster in the MCU. She's cool in all the right ways, even though they're drastically different from what made her compelling, to begin with.

Howard Stark: Another character I'm more than happy to see again!

Howard didn't leave that much of a grand of an impression in Captain America: The First Avenger, but in Agent Carter (Seriously, great show), he was a blast. You can just tell he was Tony Stark's father through all the ways he fast-talks in and out of problems and brilliantly comes up with solutions thanks to being tech-savvy. The main difference between Howard and Tony, however, is that Howard prefers to stay on the sidelines, where Tony learned to be more proactive. You get a sense of that in this episode. Because even though he goes to save the day, you can tell that he would rather be anywhere else. And, as a bonus, Howard's just funny. Probably not up there as one of the funniest characters in the franchise (Paul Rudd's Ant-Man reigns supreme), but he still cracks me up more times than not. Howard may be nothing more than a side character, but he'll always win me over no matter how small of a role he has.

Steve Rodgers in the Hydra Stomper: Don't mind me. Just admiring the fact that despite being crippled and skinny, Steve Rodgers still finds a way to fight the good fight, which is who Steve is to me. One of the best things about The First Avenger is that it fully understands the hero that is Captain America. Serum or not, he will do all he can to do the right thing and won't give up despite how many times others tell him he should. So if Steve's going to fly around in a suped-up Iron Man suit that's appropriately named "The Hydra Stomper," then Steve'll f**king soar. Because he is a gosh dang superhero, no matter what name he takes at the end of the day.

Fast-Forwarding Through Events: Some fans might take issues with this. Don't get me wrong, I would love to see all the little changes that Captain Carter makes to the story, but realistically that's not the best choice to make. Let's be honest, there's not that much to show other than what this episode did, and doing a full-on rewrite of Captain America: The First Avenger would have rubbed some fans the wrong way. Besides, from what I can tell, most of the What If... comics are one-shots that very rarely branch out into longer arcs. The primary goal is less to write this large-scale story and more of this self-contained narrative that does what it precisely delivers: Show fans a glimpse of what would happen if this happened instead of that. That's what we were given, and I can't really complain that much. I would have loved to have seen more, but I can learn to be happy with what I got.

Colonel Flynn Taking Credit: This guy is sexist and an idiot, and that's why I hate him...but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't at least chuckle when he said everything was his idea. It's such a scumbag move that I couldn't help but find the humor in it.

(Like, what even was that scene where Peggy was pissed at Steve kissing a girl. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DATING !)nd Steve falling in love inThe First Avenger, which certainly wasn't helped by how they had these dumbass misunderstandings of each thinking the other was dating someone else. Here, they at least get to interact, confiding in one another about their insecurities and offer support when needed. And while it may be a little rushed, I'm more willing to believe their romance in under thirty minutes than I did in over two hours. It could have been better, but it also could have been much, much worse.

(Like, what even was that scene where Peggy was pissed at Steve kissing a girl. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DATING AT THE TIME!)

“I won’t tell you anything.”/”He told me everything.”: That's the Peggy Carter I know and love! Added with a solid joke, too.

Steve’s Pratfall: It's nice to know that no matter what universe we see, Marvel is still funny.

Peggy’s Sacrifice: Much like Peggy and Steve's romance, I buy Peggy's sacrifice way more than Steve's. Several fans already pointed out how it makes no sense for Steve to crash the plane into the icy waters when it seemed like he had enough control to land it or could have easily jumped out after aiming for the crash landing. Here, there's a more legitimate reason why Peggy sacrifices herself. The monster was undefeatable, and the only way to stop it was to push it back through the portal. Peggy, being the only one strong enough to do so at the moment, was the only option, and there was no way where she didn't end up going through with the monster. Even her return makes more sense, as I think her being lost to time and space sounds more believable than Steve surviving being frozen in ice. Something no mortal man should live through. Peggy's sacrifice proves that while the MCU can't change its cannon past, the writers learn from their mistakes and make something better.

WHAT I DISLIKED

The Reasoning Behind Peggy Becoming Captain Carter: So, the idea that one small change can greatly alter the story we knew is a great one, and it's one of the main reasons why I was excited about this series...but how does Peggy staying in the room cause the Hydra agent to detonate the bomb early? I understand the ripples that come from the Butterfly Effect, but I feel like that's too big of a leap to reason how Peggy ends up taking the serum instead.

Colonel Flynn: How is it possible that this guy is somehow even more of a pain in the ass than the general he replaced? At least Chester Phillips had the decency to respect Agent Carter!

Red Skull is Still on the Dull Side: Red Skull isn't an awful villain, but he wasn't really a great one. It's the same here, as he's just as forgettable and wooden an episode of television as he was in a full-length movie. But at least he had a cooler death this time.

Sebastian Stan is Not a Great Voice Actor: He's not awful, but his talent really doesn't shine in this regard. Some people think that being an actor and a voice actor is the same thing, but it's not always the case. Through live-action, actors are given a chance to express emotion through their expressions, movement, and voice. With voice acting, actors still have to convey emotions, but strictly through their voice. Meaning that actors like Sebastian Stan are limited to what they're used to and can stumble a bit when trying to perform in a field of acting they're unfamiliar with. You can tell he was trying his best, but this type of thing can take far more practice for others to perfect.

“Whew. Thanks. You almost ripped my arm off.”: ...hhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHA! HA HA! Ah...oh man...I, uh...I felt the internal bleeding with that one. Wow. Just...wow.

Bucky Leaving After Steve “Died”: Ok, now that's the biggest bout of bulls**t I've ever heard. BUCKY WOULD BE WITH STEVE 'TILL THE END OF THE LINE AND WOULD NOT HAVE LEFT THAT QUICKLY!

...This episode did Bucky dirty, didn't it?

IN CONCLUSION

I'd say that "What If...Captain Carter was the First Avenger" is an A-. It's still a solid start of what I can already tell will be a great series, but some elements could have used some polishing out. I loved it, but it wasn't as bloody brilliant as it could have been.

(And I meant it: WATCH AGENT CARTER! It's pleasantly surprising!)

#marvel cinematic universe #mcu reviews #marvel studios what if #peggy carter #captain carter #steve rodgers #hydra stomper #howard stark #bucky barnes #what i thought about #what if reviews

10 notes · View notes

giuliafc · 4 years

Text

Panic Attack

Written by: JuliaFC

Betas: Khanofallorcs, Agrestebug, Etoile-Lead-Sama, Genxha and NalaFontaine. Thank you all so much!

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by (c) Thomas Astruc, TS1 Bouygues, Disney Channel, Zagtoon, Toei Animation. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Written for the Facebook h/c group “Hurt/Comfort Italia - Fanart and Fanfiction - GRUPPO NUOVO | Groups | Facebook”, weekend challenge, “Atonement 2.0”. I was asked to write a *coughs* drabble about character A being stuck somewhere and character B having to help them. If you speak/read Italian and are interested in the genre, join us! We’ll be glad to see you!

oOoOoOoOoOo

She knew it wasn’t a good idea. It really, really wasn’t a good idea. Her guts had warned her. She had felt a very bad sensation in the pit of her stomach and a growing sense of anxiety the more she tried to convince herself that it was okay. That it was only a boat, that they were safe. That it was a hot and sunny afternoon, that Bois de Boulogne was full of people and nothing could have really happened.

When Adrien had said that he had never rowed a boat before, Alya had winked at her. Her friend had poked her in the ribs saying, “That’s a great idea, Sunshine! Let’s rent two. Nino and I will take one, and you and Marinette the other!”

Marinette had tried her best to not think too much of it, or rather she had tried her best to not have a panic attack because she was going to go on a boat, alone, with Adrien. He was going to row and it was going to be all so romantic and she wanted to die.

Because even though he had now made it clear that he wasn’t in a relationship with Kagami, so Marinette knew she wasn’t betraying her friend’s trust, he was still her crush. She had tried so hard to move on. She had genuinely tried to reciprocate Luka’s feelings. However, the trip to New York they had been on two months ago had given her time to reflect and the heart to heart she had with Luka upon her return had cemented their break up. She couldn’t deny the feelings she had for Adrien anymore. She loved him too much to let him go.

They had been alone, facing each other as they sat in the small boat. Adrien had been happily rowing. The silence between them had been deafening. Her insides had been melting every time he had been giving her one of those looks; those looks that he had always given her, but that strangely enough had become more intense and more languid since they had that dance under the moonlight in New York. Her face was so red that she started fearing the colour would become permanent.

And then, of course, it had to happen. The loud bang echoed in the air like a clap of thunder. The akuma appeared out of nowhere and started billowing gusts of wind all around, making the water of the river sway in big waves and the boat they were in began swinging dangerously. Marinette saw Adrien putting the oars down and clenching his hands on the boat while looking at her worriedly.

“Are you okay, Marinette? Can you manage?” he said.

She nodded. “Yes, it’s an akuma. We need to find a way to get to safety and hide.”

The akuma had the shape of an enormous swan; it had walked through from the back of the park and now started uttering high pitched squeals. “You won’t disturb the flora and the fauna of this park any longer!” it screamed. The bird twirled its neck and started flapping its wings, creating wind that was becoming stronger and stronger.

Marinette was panicking. She knew she had to find a hiding place and transform but she couldn’t do that because she was in the most exposed location possible, in the middle of a river, and she couldn’t go anywhere or hide from the view. She couldn't even hide inside the boat, because Adrien was with her.

Adrien must have misinterpreted her pallor, because he moved one of his hands and grabbed Marinette’s arm, holding it firmly. “I’ve got you,” he shouted, trying to make his voice heard through the wind. But Marinette couldn't answer because the wind suddenly picked up even stronger and their boat, together with a few more, was captured by a column of what looked like water mixed with wind and they felt like they were floating in mid air. Then it all happened very fast: the boat (with them inside) rose higher and higher, and the downblast of wind threw everything around. Marinette felt Adrien’s body wrapping around hers protectively, and next thing she knew, she was slammed down on the ground somewhere and lost consciousness from the impact.

oOo

It took her a couple of minutes to open her eyes again, and when she did, her gaze was met with darkness. She didn’t know what was going on, but she felt that she had something very heavy pressing on her body and she could hardly breathe under its weight. Slowly, her eyes got accustomed to the darkness and she started making out the shapes of the things around her.

She seemed to be… underneath the boat? Yes, she could actually see the top part of one of the oars that Adrien had been using to row the boat just millimetres from her temple. She tried to move to push the boat up, but soon realised that the heaviness was actually clenched, almost wrapped around her body. She tried to detangle her arms from underneath the heavy load, so that she could move and touch around to understand where she was, and as she did that, she had a horrible thought going through her mind.

“Tikki!” she whispered. The red and black kwami had been resting inside her small purse, but now Marinette didn’t know where her purse was.

“Shhhh!” she heard the voice of the small kwami whisper into her ear. “I’m okay, Marinette, but you’re stuck under the boat and a whole load of branches and trees.”

Marinette’s eyes opened wide. “Oh no! I don’t have time for this,” she growled. “Damn Akuma! We need t—” she started saying but Tikki put her little paws on her mouth, then flew back to her ear and whispered, “You’re not alone, Marinette!”

“Wha—” she started, and as she did that, she felt something moving on her chest, right between her breasts.

“Uuuuuuh what happened?” She couldn’t be mistaken. This was Adrien’s voice.

“Adrien?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Marinette? Where are you?” She felt something moving from her side and she thought that probably Adrien had moved a hand to his head, maybe rubbing the nape of his neck. Or maybe he was just massaging his head where he must have gotten hit when they landed on the ground. She could feel a tender spot on her own head too, just on the top of her left ear. Then she felt the pressure of limbs trying to detangle from the top of her and something started to feel and squeeze her chest.

She immediately tensed, her eyes going wide as her face felt suddenly hotter than ever. “S-stop. Now!” she managed to say and felt him freeze on top of her and what was frantically touching her all over stopped immediately.

“Sorry, I was trying to figure out what I was laying on.”

Oh God, could he hear the furious beating of her heart? Of all the scenarios she had dreamed of in her mind of Adrien checking her out, being stuck under a boat buried under a load of trees definitely wasn’t one. She was cold. And sore. And an akuma was on the loose and now Chat Noir was probably fighting against it and wondering why his Lady hadn’t arrived yet. A surge of adrenaline rushed through her veins at the mere thought of it. No, she couldn’t leave her kitty alone! Besides, he had no way to purify the akuma and she definitely didn’t want this particular akuma to multiply!

“It’s know, you okay… I mean you knew okay, uuuuuh I mean, It’s okay you didn’t know.” She nearly felt her face combusting on the spot when she felt his nose on her skin. “Adrien. Th-that’s my ch-chest,” she managed to say before getting completely breathless when she felt his breath in between her breasts as he gasped loudly and tried in a mad frenzy to detangle himself.

“So sorry, Marinette! I’m stuck, can’t move at all. I’m trying to pin myself on my elbows, but my neck hurts, I must have banged it quite hard, can't lift my head much. Can you move? I’ll try to lift myself up a little.” As he said that, she felt a bit of the pressure coming off her body and she could finally breathe. She tried to wiggle underneath him to squish out and felt that her body wasn’t tangled anywhere.

“If you could hold that position and maybe lift yourself up a little bit more, maybe I can get out.” She felt what now she had identified as his body tense and lift just slightly further up, so she took that as a cue to start wiggling even more. With enormous difficulty, she untangled her legs and pulled the top part of herself out from under the boat. Her foot got stuck for a second, but the thought of the effort that poor Adrien was doing to lift himself up added to her panic and desperation and she managed to get herself out. She looked at her foot and noticed a big scratch on it. She had also lost one of her ballet shoes. As soon as she took her foot out, she heard a gasp and the boat crashed even more on top of Adrien, burying him further and leaving him nearly no gap for air. She heard the boy whimper underneath it.

“Are you all right, Adrien?” she shouted. She tried to lift the boat up, but the wood wouldn’t move at all. So she started trying to remove some of the branches that had fallen on top of the boat, to free it.

“I… I’m not. I’m c-claustrophobic, Marinette. I c-can’t breathe!” He started coughing and Marinette started panicking outside the boat.

Merde! That’s the last thing she needed now. She was hoping to go look for help and transform at the same time and get rid of the akuma. But she couldn’t leave him like that. Her whole soul was screaming inside her that she couldn’t possibly leave Adrien on his own (or any human being to be honest, but especially Adrien!) while he was at his most vulnerable.

“Oh no! Adrien, don’t panic. Close your eyes and concentrate on breathing!”

“I can’t!” His voice was hoarse, almost a whisper.

“Shoot! Adrien, please listen to me.” He coughed once more and her heart doubled its speed in her chest. “Please, Adrien, listen. Listen. Close your eyes. Imagine the most beautiful thing you have ever seen.” She heard him whimpering. “Do it, Adrien. Think of what you love the most. Picture it in your head in detail.”

“Uuuuuuh…” he whimpered again, but his voice wasn't as hoarse and he didn’t cough any more.

“Are you picturing this beautiful thing, Adrien? Do you want to talk about it?” As she was talking, she kept looking around. She tried to pull up the boat again but she couldn’t even lift it a millimeter. So she gave her attention again to the branches on top. There were some big trunks among the smaller branches and they were too heavy for her to lift, so she knew that it would have been impossible for her to get Adrien out of the boat without help. But she didn’t want to leave him there. She eyed her phone thoughtfully, but the signal bar was showing ‘only emergency calls’. When she tried to dial the number of the boulangerie, no sound came out and after about half a minute, the phone hung up by itself. No, they were too deep into the woods, or maybe the akuma had damaged the phone wires; maybe a combination of the two.

No, there was only one thing to do. She went back on her knees and put a hand on the wood of the boat. “Are you okay, Adrien?”

“I’m a little better, but I won’t resist much longer,” he said, his voice still very shaky. No, she definitely couldn’t leave him there.

“Forgive me, my friend, I have no other choice!” she whispered and then said much louder, “TIKKI, SPOTS ON!” As the sparkle of pink energy wrapped all around her, she could clearly hear a loud gasp coming from within the boat. “I’m sorry that you found out like this, Adrien.”

She started working at the branches, lifting a much heavier load now that she had her suit on. However, the heaviest ones were still too heavy for her to lift, even as Ladybug. “Damn it! Adrien, I still can’t free the boat!” She looked around, almost hoping that she would see a sign that everything would be okay. She needed something. Someone. Yes, she definitely needed someone. Someone she knew way too well. “Where is that bloody cat when you need him?” she cursed loudly, more to herself than to anybody else.

“Don’t!” she heard a voice that didn’t sound Adrien’s one coming from inside the boat. She opened her eyes wide and froze on the spot, resting one of her ears against the wood of the boat and listening very carefully. Surely she had just imagined it, Adrien was alone until seconds before! “I said don’t. Don’t you even th—”

“PLAGG, CLAWS OUT!” boomed Adrien’s voice. Blood drained completely from Ladybug’s face.

WHAT?

“CATACLYSM!” As soon as he said that, the boat, and all the trees and trunks at the top of it, were rendered to ash. And immediately after, her stunned gaze was met by the shiny green eyes of her masked partner.

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu... Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?” she managed to say. Her eyes were still as wide as saucers, her heart skipping several beats as her mouth gaped open in a small o.

Chat Noir bowed theatrically in front of her and then picked her hand up and kissed her knuckles. “The ‘bloody cat’ is and will always be at your service, My Lady!” he said in a joking tone, his eyes never leaving her own. Then he tried to move and she saw a gleam of pain in his eyes. “Ugh… although I won’t be of much use today, I’m afraid, not until you release the Miraculous cure. My leg—” He cringed and she finally managed to wake up from her shock induced stupor. First thing she did was wrap him in a massive hug.

“You're okay!” she whispered in his ear, hugging him so tight he could hardly breathe.

He smiled softly in her embrace. “Yes, Buginette. I’m okay.”

“Thank God!” She started sobbing against his shoulder and he couldn’t do anything more than hug her tighter, while with one hand he was patting her hair in a soothing gesture. They held the hug for a long time, lulling in the reassuring feeling of each other’s breath, and each other’s warmth. Then, they heard loud bangs and crashes in the distance and broke the hug, as if waking up from a dream.

Chat Noir saw that Ladybug wanted to say something, but he put a finger to her mouth and shushed her. “We can talk later, Marinette. Now we need to take care of the akuma.” He tried to move his leg and winced. “Actually, you will have to take care of the akuma because… as I said, my leg needs your Miraculous Cure. Ouch.”

She sniffled and stroked his cheek, before nodding decisively. Then, her eyes got an amused gleam to them and she cupped her hands on each side of his face. “I will, minou. But there’s an even more urgent matter that needs to be addressed before I go.”

“What m—” he started to say, but he couldn’t finish, because his lips got suddenly busy kissing the lips of the girl he loved.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Author’s note

Whoho! I finally managed to write something short! *Jumps around happily* Not sure if it can be considered a ‘drabble’ as I was asked, but… that’s the shortest I’ve written up to now! *JOY*

Hope you liked this little story. Please feel free to drop any compliments, screams, insults, kisses… incoherent rambling… anything you want in the comments and click send. I love reading your feedback, please be nice with this poor sleep deprived soul who writes at 3 am for tort—, I mean to delight you with these loads of rub—, er, these beautiful stories of mine. *Coughs*. Good news is (oh well, good… depending from the point of view), I have more prompts for the challenge I’m taking part of, so before the end of the weekend I’ll tort—, I mean I’ll delight you with some more.

Aren’t you happy? :D

26 notes · View notes

backtothestart02 · 4 years

Text

The Girl in the Black Cadillac - 18/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: THE GOODBYE CHAPTER. I hope you enjoy it! Just two more chaps to go!

...

Chapter 18 -

The next morning Barry woke to the sound of Sammy whining outside his bedroom door. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted to the sight of Iris cuddled up close against him, and the last thing he wanted to do was leave the warmth of her naked body to go take his dog out.

But he didn’t want a puddle on the floor either. Sammy was potty-trained, but she could only hold it for so long.

Restraining a sigh, he untangled himself from Iris, slipped into some tossed aside sweats and opened the door to his relieved retriever running for the backyard. Scratching the back of his head carelessly, Barry followed his dog and let her out, the whole adventure taking a grand total of five minutes.

He was about to head back into his bedroom when he spotted Iris in the hallway in one of his t-shirts. It went down to her elbows and mid-thighs and made him nearly growl with possessiveness. She looked so good.

“What’s going on?” she asked, rubbing her forearms.

Her furrowed his brows, concerned.

“Just taking Sammy out for her morning bathroom break. Are you cold? You look good in my shirt.”

Iris felt heat rush into her cheeks with the way he was looking at her.

“It was the first thing I spotted. I didn’t want to get into my festival outfit just yet. I have to get it back to Linda anyways. It’s hers. So, I have to go back to your parents’ place first to get into a different outfit, so I don’t walk out of Linda’s shop naked, and-” She took a breath as amusement colored his face. “I just kinda wanted a lazy morning with you.”

His heart swelled inside his chest. That was all he wanted too.

But work…

He looked past Iris to the clock on the wall and felt some relief.

“It’s 6:30,” he told her. “We have some time before I have to go into work.”

Her heart dropped.

That’s right. Before he had to go into work. To fix her car. So she could leave.

So she could leave.

Because she had to leave.

She had to.

“I know,” he said, coming to her and holding her hands. “I can’t stop thinking about it either.” He paused a beat, then asked what he’d been wanting to since she came home with him. “You’re sure you can’t stay?”

She shook her head.

“You know I can’t, Barry. You saw my dad. He’d be furious. Even if I put my foot down, I swear…I swear he’d swing me over his shoulder and carry me back home himself.”

“But what if he didn’t,” Barry pushed. “What if your dad wasn’t an obstacle?”

“You planning on hiring a hit man, Barry?” She raised an eyebrow. “Because I’m not paying for it.”

“You know I’m not, Iris. Just…pretend for a minute with me here.” He squeezed her fingers gently. “If your dad wasn’t opposed, would you stay? Do you want to? For you.”

She sighed and dropped her hands.

“I don’t fit in, Barry. I could never be a small-town folk. Best case scenario is my dad does let me go, but he cuts me off. Then what? I don’t know how to do anything. If I don’t have my cards, I have no money. I’m broke, and my dad knows it. Who knows if I’d even be able to keep a job? I’m a tourist, not a hard worker. You think everyone here despises me now? They’d come to hate me after they see what I’m really like. I couldn’t stand that. I was born for city life. I don’t know anything else. I can’t survive without my dad’s safety net.”

Barry mulled that over.

“It would be hard,” he allowed, “but not impossible. We could get you your own place or you could stay with me. Linda likes you, and my parents undoubtedly do. You were a hit with the vendors at the festival, and honestly all Cisco needs is an apology.”

She winced. “I suppose I do owe him that. It’s not his fault the AC was broken and the route he took had a ridiculous amount of speed bumps on it. First impressions aren’t everything, as you and I know very well.”

He smiled slowly. “Look at you, coming to see the error of your ways.”

She allowed herself a soft chuckle.

“But it’s a dream, Barry. I still don’t think I’m cut out to make a living in a small town. I’ve never had to support myself, and my dad wouldn’t allow it. You know that. He’d come storming back, and who knows what he’d do to you and your family? I’m certain he wouldn’t take me peacefully.”

“Then what do we do?” he asked, looking more sorrowful by the minute.

She reached up and pulled his face down to hers so she could give him a passionate morning kiss.

“We enjoy right now, this hour, before you leave and I say my other goodbyes. That’s what we have, Barry. That’s all we have.”

Reluctantly, he nodded. “Okay.”

She pulled away slightly after a moment.

“So, are you a good cook?”

His laugh was strained but real.

“I can make you some pancakes if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I think that would be-”

“Or french toast.”

She opened her mouth to respond, but he kept going.

“Sausage, eggs, bacon, some of the best dark roast you’ll find in the county. I bet it even rivals Central City’s best.”

Her eyes lit up.

“Now you’re talking.”

He grinned.

“I’ll have all of the above,” she declared.

He laughed again.

“That’ll take a while. Don’t you want some alone time with my…undivided attention?”

She smirked. “That’s what shared showers are for, aren’t they?” Her eyes sparkled.

He felt the heat simmering in his eyes. He knew he looked hungry, and not for the food he’d just described either.

“That is definitely what shared showers are for.”

He brushed his fingers over her arms, then cradled her face in his hands as he bent down to give her a sweet kiss on the lips. Iris melted into his embrace, spreading her fingers over his chest and hoping her pussy’s renewed moisture wasn’t going to drip down her leg onto the floor.

“We could take a shower now,” he breathed into her mouth.

“We should definitely take a shower now,” she agreed.

Without warning, Barry picked Iris up in his arms and carried her bridal style down the hallway and into the bathroom, shutting the door quickly just as Sammy was about to waltz in.

…

After sex in the shower and the tastiest breakfast meal Iris had ever devoured, the two dressed quietly for the day and headed outside after saying goodbye to Sammy.

“That is one cute dog,” Iris commented, not for the first time.

“You can come see her whenever you like,” he said before he could stop himself. He felt the tension that rose between the two of them and wished he could undo it. “Come see me whenever you like too,” he added before he could stop himself. “If you have a car. I’m sure Cisco wouldn’t mind picking you up and bringing you back. Just gotta ask him, after you apologize for being rude, of course.” He paused. “I don’t think he’d mind at least…” He frowned.

“Barry, Barry…” She hurried to cover his mouth with her hand. “I’ll miss you too.” Tears filled her eyes, but she blinked them away before they could fall. “Now, come on.” She pulled her hand away and intertwined her fingers with his. “You have to get to work, and I have more than one stop to make before you’re done fixing my dad’s car.”

“Right. Let’s go then.”

Barry squeezed her hand gently and strolled with her over to the auto shop. He pulled her to him for a kiss, but this time they didn’t get handsy and no one whistled. The shop was quiet and keeping busy. Barry figured Felicity had filled in the boys on the situation, so he wouldn’t have to endure any unnecessary frustration today of all days.

“I’ll see you in a few hours,” Iris said.

“See you in a few.”

They released each other’s hands at the last possible moment and turned away before they got lost spending the whole day staring at each other from afar.

Iris was the first to turn away. Cisco’s shop was right across the street, and she had some apologizing to do.

She strode the short distance away and lightly knocked on the glass door that was shut to the public. It was shortly after 8a.m., so it was possible Cisco hadn’t opened yet, but before Iris could abandon this venture to say she’d tried but well it hadn’t worked out, the door opened, and there stood a cheery-looking Cisco.

Until he saw who it was, and his face fell.

“Hello, Iris,” he bristled, trying to keep up appearances and failing miserably.

“Hello, Cisco,” she said weakly.

“What can I do for you?”

She took a deep breath, then steeled herself.

“I was hoping you could forgive me.”

He blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“I owe you an apology.”

His jaw dropped.

“From the moment I met you, I was skeptical. I had…impossible expectations, and I blamed you for not being able to meet them. Then I continued to have a poor opinion of you due to our first interaction. You were just being friendly and doing the best you could under the circumstances. I shouldn’t have judged. I’m sorry.”

Cisco shook himself, then pinched himself to make sure he’d heard right. The pain throbbing in his forearm told him he had not imagined what he’d just heard. Iris West had apologized.

“Well, I…shouldn’t have objectified you,” he said, recalling how the first words out of his mouth when he first saw her was how hot she was. “It’s very unlike me. I’m sure that didn’t help the opinion you formed.”

She forced a smile.

“Forgive and forget?”

He extended his hand for her to shake.

“It’s forgotten.”

Her smile morphed into a more genuine one, and she shook his hand.

“I’m sorry I waited so long to make amends, Cisco. Who knows? We could’ve been friends in another life.”

“Wait. Are you leaving?”

She nodded. “Today. As soon as Barry finishes fixing my car. He got the parts in yesterday but neglected to use them because he wanted us to have our date.”

“You two went on a date?”

She giggled. “Uh-huh.”

Cisco shook his head.

“That boy doesn’t tell me nuthin’.” He lifted his head to look at her again. “I thought you two hated each other!”

Iris shyly tucked some curls behind her ear.

“We…uh…we did, but um…things changed.”

“Now you’re in love?”

Her heart hammered away fiercely. She hadn’t stopped to think about just what it was that she felt for Barry. After all, they’d spent so little time together actually liking each other. Surely it took longer than that to fall for someone. Besides, she was leaving. There was no point dwelling on a future that was never to be and the feelings that led to it.

“You don’t have to answer that,” Cisco was saying now. “It’s none of my business.”

She pursed her lips.

“It’s all right, Cisco.”

“So, what are you doing now? While Barry’s fixing your car, I mean.”

“It’s actually my dad’s car,” she felt like clarifying.

“No kidding. Well that explains a lot.”

She raised her brows but pushed past it.

“To answer your question, I’m saying my goodbyes.”

Cisco’s face fell again.

“Well, isn’t that just the saddest thing… Do you need a ride anywhere?”

She laughed. “Certainly you’re not giving away another free ride to me just because I apologized.”

“Nope.” He locked up his shop. “I’m giving you a free ride because it’s your last day here, and that’s just the kind of guy I am.”

She laughed again and followed him to his cab.

“Where are we off to?” he asked, chipper as ever in the front seat of the car.

“Same as before,” she told him. “The Allens’ Bed and Breakfast.”

“The Allens’, it is.”

He tooted his horn and then drove down the block and to the other end of town. Iris knew she wouldn’t be getting through this day without a few more tears, and especially from the older couple who’d taken her in so selflessly.

She’d paid them, of course. But it felt like more than that. She felt like family to them somehow. And she would miss that a great deal.

…

Nora came running out of the house the second she spotted Iris step out of Cisco’s cab at the end of the driveway. She didn’t stop until her arms were wrapped around Iris, and Iris was struggling to find her footing on the gravel. She attempted to wave to Cisco her goodbye and thanks, but her arms were pinned on either side of her, so she accepted Cisco’s chuckled as he left.

Finally, Nora took a step back.

“Sorry. I’m so sorry, dear. It’s just…we were so worried about you. Weren’t we, Hen-” Nora turned around and Henry was slowly making his way out the front door. Nora faced Iris again, unwilling to wait for her husband’s arrival. “Well, we were. After your dad came here, and he was so… Well, I’m sorry to say it, Iris, but he was very rude. Especially about our Barry. And about you! The things he said… Well. I just…I could hardly believe you came from that man.”

“Oh, Nora…I’m so sorry you had to meet him. I’m afraid I’ve been very dishonest with both of you, and if I’d been more open, maybe this whole thing could’ve been avoided.”

“Nonsense. You were a stranger to us, dear. There was no cause for you to unload all your secrets.”

Iris pursed her lips.

“Maybe not, but-”

“Though I was worried sick about you last night. I didn’t know if your father had found you or where you had wound up!”

“Oh, I’m sorry. My dad did find me, and it was…well, it was quite the confrontation. I almost left. But Barry…”

Nora’s eyes gleamed hopefully.

“He saved me. I spent the night with him. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh, not at all. Henry suspected as much. I just needed confirmation.” She glanced back at her husband who was finally at her side. “Didn’t you, dear?”

“I did, indeed,” he confirmed.

“Right. Well, Barry is fixing my dad’s car right now. As soon as he’s done, I’m heading back to the city. So, I’ve come to gather my things, change clothes, and…say goodbye.”

Nora looked gutted, and Iris wished she could take it back.

“So soon?”

“Now, honey, we knew she’d have to leave eventually,” Henry soothed.

“Well, yes, but…you paid through tomorrow morning. Are you sure you can’t stay another day?”

“If my father wasn’t counting the seconds down until I arrived safe and home sound – with his car in mint condition, then maybe I would. It’s just not worth fueling his anger again though. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right, Iris. After meeting the man, we understand.”

“Yes, of course we do,” Nora said, then reached out for her. “Come on inside, dear. I’ve just made some fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies and lemonade. You can have some, then get your things together and we’ll talk a little before you have to go.”

“You should tell us about that date.” Henry grinned, turning the conversation around.

“Oh, yes! The date!” Nora gushed. “You have to tell us all about it! What was the best part?”

“Well…” Iris cleared her throat. “I don’t know if it was the best part, but I got stuck on top of the ferris wheel by myself, and Barry literally climbed up the side of it so I wouldn’t be alone in my seat.”

“Good Heavens.” Nora’s hand flew over her heart.

“He’s quite the hero, isn’t he?” Henry said proudly.

“Yes.” Iris’ smile started to fade. “I haven’t met anyone like him.”

…

About an hour passed before Iris successfully left the Allens’ Bed and Breakfast. It hadn’t taken long at all for her to change clothes and pack up her things, but it was hard to let go of Henry and Nora, so she’d allowed herself to stay longer and longer, until she was reminded she had one last person to say goodbye to, and she wanted a decent amount of time with her too.

“I’ll take you into town,” Henry said, after they finished the last of the cookies and lemonade. “Then you don’t have to call Cisco back out here. I’m sure the man is busy. It’s a lot of back and forth.”

“On his dime too,” Iris said, amused.

Henry gave her an inquiring look.

“I think he likes me,” she said with an innocent shrug, and Henry laughed.

“Let’s get going then. Maybe you can drop by and say hi again.”

She laughed. “Maybe.”

Iris said her goodbyes to an emotional Nora and hugged her before jumping into the passenger side of Henry’s truck. The back was filled with bags of clothes from Linda’s and stuffed animals from the festival.

“You’re going home with quite the load, aren’t you?” Henry teased.

She shrugged. “Gotta have something to remember this place by.”

“We’ll miss you, Iris,” he said, after they’d turned the bend in the road. “And I’m certain our boy will miss you the most.”

Iris turned away towards the window.

“I’ll miss him too.”

“Iris, can I ask you something?”

“As long as it’s not if I love your son, then go ahea-” She turned to face him with a smile. It immediately dropped. “That’s what you were going to ask me, wasn’t it?”

Helplessly, he shrugged.

“Can I help it?”

“It doesn’t matter what I feel or don’t feel, Henry. I’m leaving.”

“There’s nothing any of us could do to get you to stay?” he asked quietly.

“No,” she said, before she could marvel at how desperately this loveable couple seemed to want to keep her around. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right. Just thought I’d give it a shot.”

The ride into town continued in silence. Iris felt bad, but it was the state of how things were. She couldn’t change that. No one could.

Henry pulled over to the side of the road once they reached Linda’s shop.

“I’ll park at the auto shop, so your stuff can easily be transferred over to your dad’s car. I’m sure Barry can take it from there.”

Iris hopped out and heaved her purse onto her shoulder. She reached for the bag that contained her festival outfit from the night before with her other hand.

“Thanks, Henry…for everything.”

He only smiled.

“Goodbye, Iris.”

She shut the door and waved. “Bye.”

After sucking in her tears for the hundredth time that day, Iris spun around and invited herself into the shop. There Linda stood, pretending to not have seen her, but as soon as the door shut behind Iris, her eyes lifted up, and Iris could see she’d been trying not to cry as much as she had.

“You just waltz into town for one week, and then you leave. Now who am I supposed to talk to?”

Both ladies burst into tears and hugged each other.

“It’s one week for crying out loud,” Linda repeated the sentiment. “I’m not supposed to get this attached.”

Iris nodded. “I know. Me either. I’ve never really had a friend before. I’ll miss you so much.”

“I’ll miss you! Ugh. And here things were going so well for you and Barry too. He must be miserable. I could’ve been your maid of honor at your wedding! I would’ve been so happy for you two. I would have babysat your children.”

Iris laughed, tears streaming down her cheeks that she let Linda wipe away and vice versa.

“It’s only been a week, Linda. Hardly long enough to form that kind of attachment.”

“Oh, but he’s got it bad for you, Iris. That look he had in his eyes when he took you on your date? I never saw that when he and I were together. Not once.”

“Let’s not pretend like his heart is the only one that’s breaking by my leaving,” Iris said.

“If you love him, stay.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Then explain it to me.”

Iris sighed. “I’d rather not. Can it just be you and me and reminiscing until Barry texts me that the car is fixed? I’ve played every scenario out in my head, and it just wouldn’t work, so can we focus instead on the two of us?”

Linda sighed. “If we must. Okay. Shall we go to the park?”

“Oh! First… Drumroll. Here you go!” She handed the tall bag over to her. “Nora washed it and everything.”

“You had sex in it, didn’t you?”

Iris laughed. “No, I didn’t. I promised you I wouldn’t.”

“The bra came close though, didn’t it?”

She laughed again. “It came close.”

“Well, thank you, Iris. I’ll just tuck this away…” She stuck in a cubby behind the counter. “Now we’re off. Where should we go?”

“The park, of course. I’ll tell you all about my crazy night.”

“Leave out the sex though, please. I’m not sure if my heart can take it.”

Iris laughed. “No sex, scout’s honor.”

“You were a scout?”

“Of course not. It’s just something I heard somewhere.”

Linda rolled her eyes and looped her arm through Iris’.

“Let’s go, scout. Tell me about your date.”

…

It was another two hours before Barry resented her to tell her the car had officially been fixed. Linda walked down with Iris to the auto shop and hugged tightly before saying their goodbyes once more. Finally, Iris walked over to Barry and the black Cadillac that stood in all its glory, its engine once more alive and the frame shining like Iris had never seen it.

“I washed it myself,” Barry said. “Figured it could be my last ‘in your face’ to your father who apparently thinks mechanics are beneath him and you.”

Iris forced a smile, then examined the contents of the car.

“I see you got everything in.” Her eyes gleamed.

“Every last stuffed animal and sparkly shirt.”

She tried to laugh, but it was strained, covered in tears that she was quickly losing control of.

“I’ve missed you today,” she said, draping her arms around his neck.

“I missed you too.” He swallowed hard. “All day, you were all I could think about.”

She sighed. “I wish I had a picture of you, of us, to remember you by. I never want to forget this week. I won’t ever, but…”

“Well, why don’t we take one now?”

“Because we’re both about to dissolve into tears, that’s why! I want us happy, I want us…in love.”

“I am in love,” he said, passion seeping into every word he uttered. “I am so-”

“No, no, no, don’t. It hurts too much.” She covered his mouth with her hand, much the way she’d done that morning. “Don’t tell me you love me.”

He choked and tucked some of her curls back.

“But I do, Iris. You’re the first woman I’ve ever loved, and I don’t know how I’m going to live without you in my arms at night, without your taste on my tongue, without your laughter in my ears, without-”

She cut him off, going up onto her tiptoes to kiss him passionately. Barry held her tightly, tears slipping past closed eyelids and dampening his cheeks and lashes.

“You’re crying,” she said, when she finally had to pull away for air. “You’re not supposed to cry.”

“How can I not? You’re leaving me. The woman I love is leaving me.”

“You’ll find someone else.”

“I won’t.”

“You will.”

“Stay.”

“Barry…”

“Please stay.”

“I can’t.”

“You can. You just don’t want to. You don’t want to risk rejection, but are you willing to live under your dad’s roof for the rest of your life? Living in fear? In judgment? Forever protected but never really living?”

“Barry, please don’t.”

“Stay, Iris. We’ll figure everything out together. I’ll support you if I have to. Just please stay.”

Before Iris could answer, rain started to fall from the sky. It was a slow drizzle at first, then it came down harder and harder, until they were both standing there soaking in the rain.

“I have to go,” she said, practically shouting it over the pounding of each drop of water.

He stared at her, hoping to convey something his heart was feeling with his eyes, but in a short amount of time he realized it wasn’t working. He pulled her to him and kissed her hard, his fingers in her hair and holding her body flush against his. They kissed until their clothes were beyond soaked, until thunder could be heard and lightning flashed across the sky.

Then they broke apart.

“Stay until the rain stops,” he begged. “It could be dangerous on the roads. You could-”

“I have to go, Barry,” she said, and he let her go at last.

She opened the door for herself, blasted the heat and looked at him one last time before shutting the door.

Then slowly, cautiously, but assuredly, she put the gear in drive and started forward on the old country road, away from the town and the man she’d fallen in love with.

...

*will be posted on AO3 and FFnet when beta’d.

#westallen #fanfiction #westallen fanfiction #backtothestart02 fanfiction #the girl in the black cadillac #chapter 18

70 notes · View notes

sleekervae · 4 years

Text

The Neighbour [0.3]

Something was irrevocably different with Remington; Emerson picked it off right away. On an early Tuesday afternoon, with the air thick and humid and the sun beating down like a plague (no pun intended), Remington was fussing over himself more than usual. He had changed out of four or five different outfits, playing with his hair, and was it appropriate for him to wear makeup? Eva hadn't seen him with it on, yet. No, it was probably best to keep it casual for now. Then again, he had a fantastic highlight that worked absolute magic under the sun...

It was around eleven thirty when Remington finally came down, dressed down but still presentable in a simple pair of ripped skinny jeans and a t-shirt. Emerson and Shy were sat on the couch as they watched Netflix, Pepper situated between them. Remington stopped short when he saw the pair cuddled up on the couch, he smiled deviously.

"Eugh! You guys are so flippin' cute it's gross!" he gushed, putting on his diva voice.

Shy chuckled softly, "Hi Rem,"

Emerson's attention diverted to his older brother, intrigued to see him all ready to go out somewhere.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Coffee with Eva," Remington replied simply.

"The neighbour with the cat?" Shy said.

"Yeah," Remington nodded, "Emerson tell you she gave us a loaf of bread last week?"

"He did," she smiled, "Poor thing, I felt for her. She looked so flustered at the pool,"

"Well, moving is a bitch already. Throw in Covid 19 and you got a real thorn in the ass," Emerson said, then turning back to his brother, "You gonna' be social distancing?"

"We're going to drink our coffee and walk around in the park," Remington replied, "She works from home anyway,"

"So, who asked who for the coffee?" Emerson asked.

Remington shrugged, stopping at the hallway mirror to fix his hair again, "She brought up how she hasn't had a chance to get around the neighbourhood, so I offered, she accepted. She has our vinyl too,"

"Which one?" Emerson asked.

"Boom Boom Room,"

"Side A or B?"

"A,"

"I'd approve either way,"

Shy couldn't help but subconsciouly squeeze Emerson's arm, a glimmer of excitement bursting behind her eyes, "So, she's a fan, too?"

"Took her a minute to figure it out. Didn't even bring up Em or Seb, so clearly she pays more attention to me," the blonde smirked.

Emerson glowered at his brother, "Yeah, yeah, go for your cup of fuck-off-ee," he grumbled.

Across the street, with her room strewn in discarded clothes that just didn't make the cut, Eva finally felt confident standing in her denim skirt and black tee. On any other day she'd have paired the ensemble with her pleather jacket, but it was too damn hot out. Even with the window letting in a cool breeze, the air was uncomfortably humid. What did she expect when moving from the Emerald City to Los Angeles?

Eva made sure to close and latch the window shut before she left, not eager for Pluto to go off on another reign of terror. Stopping to grab a fresh face mask, her phone suddenly began to vibrate in her purse. She figured it might have been Remington sending her a text, but the screen flashed to the Blocked Caller ID. Eva rolled her eyes and denied the call.

Stepping out into the humidity, Eva waved her hand over her face as she stepped out of the complex courtyard, just at the same time Remington was locking the door to his house. As soon as she caught his eye, he was all smiles.

She was glad to see him; a little relieved, even. He looked cool, cool enough to appear on some grungy magazine cover. All he needed to complete the look was a cigarette and maybe a skateboard, too. The messy blonde hair, the glimmer in his eyes brought back the warmth she associated with his presence and as she came to meet him at his car, his spicy cologne danced up her nose and imprinted itself in her olfactory memory.

Remington had never been more wary of how his hands shook, his left hand he stuffed into his jean pocket and the right he gripped his car keys with a vice-esque grip. He found himself mesmerized briefly by the fit of her skirt, her black t-shirt tucked in smoothly but not too tight to over expose her figure, but just enough to give Remington an idea. Her short brown hair fell delicately over her face, one side pushed back behind her ears and exposing her stormy blue eyes to the sunshine. She was the embodiment of innocence and grunge wrapped into a perfect five-foot-six package.

"Glad you didn't stand me up," he grinned.

"Well, I kind of happen to live right over there," she drawled, pointing to her balcony, "It'd be kind of awkward and hard to hide if I tried,"

"You look really nice," he nodded after a brief moment.

"So do you," she agreed with confidence, "Where we off to?"

There was a forested park not far from where they lived. Despite the pandemic, the fields were filled with older kids playing games of soccer and basketball, there were vendors out trying to sell their ice cream, a couple girls were scattered across the grass and sunbathing. It almost all seemed so normal, if not for the fact that the kid's jungle gym had been fenced off so no child could climb upon it.

The pair walked side-by-side, him with his iced black coffee and her with a green tea frapp -- no whipping cream. The gravel path they walked was shaded by a canopy of lush green trees, providing some relief from the hammering heat. Remington kept his gaze locked on her, worried to miss a moment where she'd crack a smile or briefly run her tongue over her lips. Her fingers appeared so dainty yet he could spot the small calluses at the middle joint of her thumb, and some paper cuts on her middle and index fingers.

"So, how does a ghostwriter get hired?" Remington asked, "Do you just openly advertise 'hey! If you're a lazy author, come hire me'?"

"No," Eva shook her head with a giggle, "I used to write articles for the newsletter at my college, and then a friend of mine forwarded me an email about a client who was looking for a ghostwriter. I didn't know much about it but the money was pretty good. It was a grant application for requesting financial aid for survivors of residential schools,"

"Sounds depressing," Remington said.

"It was pretty heavy shit," Eva admitted, "But, I did get fifteen-hundred for a six page application. Well worth it, I'd say,"

Remington blew an impressed whistle, "So you make pretty good money off of this?"

"Let's just say my student debt has decreased significantly since I took up the profession," and she took a brief sip of her drink.

"You ever publish anything under your own name?" he asked, "Eva Kuznetsov is a cute pen name. Evelina sounds more mature, though..."

Eva shrugged, "I think about it sometimes... but it's just easier to write under someone else's name and let them have all the glory. Say, if they happen to do something stupid to forever tarnish their career, that won't come back to bite me in the ass,"

Remington smirked, "Like a particular fantasy author who's made some pretty heavy comments concerning the trans community?"

"Let's not even talk about that, my heart still breaks when I think about it," Eva sighed, "To answer your question, however, if I got confident enough I may try to publish something in the future,"

"What else do you like to write?"

Eva opened her mouth but closed it quickly, pressing together her petunia pink lips as she visibly swallowed whatever words were about to pass through them. When she looked up at Remington again, his brown eyes dark like soaked coffee grinds that sent her into a caffeinated headrush. What would he think if she actually told him...

"I write poems, some short stories," she somewhat lied.

Remington's smile grew wider, mischief glimmering over his face like light beams reflecting over windchimes in a saturated dusk, "You hesitated just now," he spoke curiously, "What else do you write?"

Eva glanced down at the ground, a nervous giggle bubbling out and knocking the air out of her lungs, "Okay listen, don't judge me, it's just a hobby of mine,"

"Oh God!" Remington gasped, "Do you write porn?"

Eva laughed again, her pale cheeks flushing in red, "Well... I do happen write some naughty shit... in my fanfictions,"

Remington stopped dead in his tracks, taken aback by her answer. He totally thought she would say something along the lines of erotic fiction on a platform like Literotica. For understandable reasons, he had some mixed emotions about fanfictions.

"What kind of fanfiction?" he asked, somewhat bordering on the third degree.

"... Um..." she glanced at him again, the smirk on his lips compelling more giggles to burst from hers. She pressed her hands together over her nose and mouth, and Remington laughed as well.

"Okay listen, I promise," he put his right hand over his chest, "I promise I will not judge you for whatever smut you write for whoever," he assured her.

"It's not... yeah, I guess it kind of is," Eva chuckled nervously, "I usually write for stuff like Criminal Minds, but more lately I've gotten into writing for Euphoria..." she trailed off, timid as she waited for his response.

"Alright, that's actually not bad," he nodded, "I'll be honest, you didn't strike me as somebody who write fanfics,"

Eva glanced timidly at her scuffed sneakers, kicking up pebbles and dust, "Are fanfic writers supposed to look a certain way?"

"I don't know, actually," he simpered.

"I don't tell a lot of people that I do it, mainly because their first impression is either 'what the fuck' or 'OMG we should collaborate' and I'm just like," she hung her head back, "Nooo!"

"You're more of a soloist then a team player, then?" he teased.

"Let's just say I tend to work better alone," she replied, shrugging her shoulders as though the comment should mean nothing. But Remington found it odd that Eva was out here all on her own, never brought up her friends or family. He didn't see many personal effects in her apartment, neither.

"Is that why you're out here by yourself?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

"Well... don't take this the wrong way, but I haven't really seen you with anybody. You don't talk about your friends or your family,"

Eva shrugged again, "They're all back in Seattle. Besides, opportunity was drying up over there and I just wanted a fresh start," she said, "Besides, Pluto's my friend,"

"Well, that's a given," he replied, "Are your parents up in Seattle?"

"My dad is," she nodded, "I don't know what my mom's doing," Remington's silent was her cue to go on, "I um... we haven't really spoken, her and I,"

"You have a falling out?" he asked suddenly.

Eva glared down at the gravel again, "You can call it that. She's a pilot and she's always flying, and so you know, I never really got to see much of her growing up. And then, she suddenly shows up for my college graduation and expects us to be one big happy family, like she has it in her head that she can make up for all the birthdays and shit she's missed. And I just didn't know what to say to her. I don't know who she is, but she's my mom," she glanced up at Remington again, "And I don't know why I'm telling you all of this,"

Remington wasn't bothered by her unloading, it seemed as though Eva needed to get things off her chest more than she realized. Her smile was sardonic and her voice petty like a comedian on stage, putting on the brave 'I don't give a fuck anymore' face.

"I find sometimes it's easier to unload to new people then it is to your friends," he said, "What does your dad do?"

"Chem professor. Which is ironic because I seriously sucked at chemistry," she replied.

"Show me a kid who didn't struggle in chem, honestly," he said, "But do you get along with your dad?"

"For the most part," she chuckled, "He's still confused as to why I choose to write anonymously, but that's his problem. What do your parents do?"

Remington chewed on the inside of his cheek, "My mom's kind of like our manager. Does a lot of production and behind the scenes stuff. And I haven't seen my dad for nearly twenty years,"

Eva was silent for a moment, studying him. He spoke with a firm grin, yet still trying to shadow that flicker of sadness within his face.

"So we both have parental issues... that's nice to know," she put on a teasing grin, "Maybe that's why we make such good friends?"

Remington swallowed thickly, "So, you are indeed confirming we are friends?"

"I am," she smiled, "It'd be nice to have whatever few I can scrape up,"

"That fact that you also live across the street means that you're now stuck with me," Remington grinned with pride.

"True," Eva hummed appreciatively, taking another sip of her drink, "Somehow, I don't think I'll mind, though,"

When Remington drove her home she gave him a sweet and polite goodbye, a hug which made his confident exterior falter for a second long enough for her to witness it through the flush in his cheeks and his lack of response. His words tripped over the length of his tongue when he tried to flush out a proper goodbye and he felt his hands began to quiver again.

And when he went to open his door, he took one last glance. The small brunette turned at the same time and met his gaze, but he was too far away to hear her sharp inhale. And when he finally went inside he fall back against the door, staring into space with the biggest grin he'd had on since... well, he couldn't remember when he last felt so excited.

#remington leith #Remington Leith imagine #palaye royale #Palaye Royale imagine #Palaye Royale fic #sebastian danzig #emerson barrett #boy bands #band imagines #band imagine blog #original story #original female character

33 notes · View notes

naturepointstheway · 4 years

Text

Frozen - Domestic Assassin (Crack AU) Masterpost

This is a Masterpost of all the fanfiction I’d written (all on Tumblr) based in @ultranos’ Domestic Assassin crack AU which was hilarious for a fairly good-sized group of us! And from what I”ve seen in my notifications, people are still enjoying and finding fics of mine in this AU even to this day, which is great!

I’ve basically dug into my previous fanfiction pages and pulled them out year by year, so because it’ll be way too much work to try and arrange everything by title, I just went by year. At least Tumblr keeps the links when I copy and paste.

Since there are so many, you’ll find them under the cut. Enjoy!

Pre-2016

Air Mattress Prompt

An exhausted Anna returns home from a hot night with Kristoff only to accidentally make her sister fly off the air mattress when she flops down on it for a sleep.

“Am I supposed to be alarmed by the moon tonight?” prompt

Elsa is so exhausted she gets confused between the sun and moon apparently.

“Can we please stop fighting and talk about the koala in your room?”

Elsa adopted a koala, much to Anna’s exasperation.

“Can you pull this fake cobweb across the door?” Halloween prompt

Anna wants to play a prank on Elsa...

Cell Block Sniper (M - violence and strong language)

Yes. Yes. It’s a crossover. A crossover between “Cell Block Tango” song from Chicago and this AU.

“Do you realise what this means?” “That you’re a really bad shot?”

Elsa is NOT having the best of time trying to instruct a new trainee.

Domestic Assassin AU prompt: Hans’ POV (pre-reveal)

Hans has a visit from Elsa when he dumps Anna.

“Don’t touch that!” (Healthcare writing prompt, Snow Sisters)

Elsa was bound to fall out of a tree at some point and end up in hospital. Anna takes care of her.

Elsa and Weselton prompt

Elsa refuses to let Weselton in the door.

Eyes That Glisten

Anna knows how to persuade Elsa to do whatever she wants.

“God you’re such a grumpy bags in the morning aren’t you?”

Elsa is not a happy camper after a long night where everything just goes wrong. “Holy shit. Most realistic Dementor costume ever.” Halloween prompt

Turns out, Elsa just looks like that most of the time.

“I can’t help being a geek about my vital signs!” prompt (Elsarik)

A crossover between another AU (Shardsverse)

“I don’t think I should tell you what we’re dressed as.” (Halloween Prompt)

Somebody think of the children!

“I dropped my cookie :’(”

Elsa cries when she drops her cookie.

“I feel like a T-Rex”

Anna is too lazy to just grab the goddamn stepladder and get the jam herself.

“I wish I could drive you out of my life with a sword!” (Hans and Anna, prompt)

Anna is NOT a fan of Hans...

“Maybe you should go as an assassin. Oh wait, you already are one.” (Halloween prompt)

Anna is a sarcastic little sister to Elsa.

“No one unfollows like Gaston!”

Anna overhears Gaston boasting about how he unfollowed someone because of a disability. She is not happy.

Ruined Dinner Party

After an hour of waiting for her sister to come to the party, Anna finally spots her with “ketchup” all over her top.

Part 2 of “Ruined Dinner Party”

Of course it wasn’t ketchup. Duh. Anna is NOT HAPPY.

Sleepyhead (drabble, Snow Sisters)

Elsa, going to the kitchen for midnight munchies, spots Anna sprawled on a couch, textbooks all around her.

“So. Many. Triangles. Help me here!”

Anna, not being a maths-y person, gets frustrated with geometry, and Elsa offers to help.

“So you’re going as yourself for Halloween.” Halloween prompt

Elsa is not keen on dressing up as Halloween.

“Tell our parents my Tumblr URL and I swear I will make your death look like an accident” prompt.

Elsa practically threatens Anna when the latter demands to explain her Tumblr URL (of course she quickly forgives her little sis.)

“That mask is all kinds of creepy. I like it.” Halloween prompt

Elsa practically shits herself when Anna scares her while wearing a terrifying mask.

Things you said at 4am prompt

Anna gets a call at 4am on her phone from Elsa, who accidentally sniped the wrong guy..

Those Poor Birds

Elsa mistakes a pair of birds’ mating antics as fighting, much to Anna’s amusement.

“Wait, you’re yelling at a movie?” (Snow Sisters, writing prompt)

Elsa is very confused to find that Anna’s yelling from the lounge is at a movie. Not at an invader.

“Was it really necessary to shoot my pumpkin carving?” (Halloween prompt)

Anna is NOT happy when Elsa decides to use her pumpkin carving for shooting practice.

“What do you mean it’s a sunset…?” prompt

Elsa wakes up only to find that it’s already after sunset, not sunrise.

“What the hell? You gave out alcoholic chocolate to trick-or-treating kids?!” (Halloween prompt)

Anna discovers that her German chocolates had been opened by Elsa, who’d handed them out to kids.

“Where did you leave the spare copy of that book?” (Elsarik DA!verse, prompt)

Crossing over with another writer’s AU with her OC, Alarik. Elsa can’t find that one specific book she needs, and she’s sure Alarik has it.

“You once asked me what I’d do if I had only one day left.” prompt

Anna will most definitely NOT be spending that final day of her life with Hans.

“You did what?!” prompt (Elsa and Kristoff)

Elsa does not appreciate Kristoff’s concern over her having WAY too many cats for one house.

“You mean a line segment.” prompt

Elsa is a huge geometry nerd, even waiting in line for takeaways.

“You should go as an assassin. Oh wait. You already are one.” prompt

Another one where Anna suggests Elsa goes as an assassin for Halloween, only to be all “oh wait, you are one.”

2016

Accidental shooting

Elsa accidentally shoots someone she did not mean to shoot in a library’s basement.

Amuse Me

Elsa’s having one of those blah days and Anna’s there with bad puns all ready to go.

“Bittersweet and Strange” (not based on a prompt)

Elsa explains exactly how she likes her coffee to Anna. Turns out Elsa is also a huge fan of marmite.

“Can’t I at least take this baby koala home?”

Anna, no, you cannot take a koala home from Australia, no matter how cute it is.

Cat Gallery (not based on a prompt)

Kristoff discovers Elsa’s huge photo album of her cats.

“Did you lose your main point…”

Anna hears something about money and bills and wait what now.

“Do nurses ever fall asleep on the night shift?”

Anna visits Elsa in hospital and inevitably someone has to wonder this. Elsa’s adorbs when she’s pouty and Anna can’t help but annoy her on this count.

Fight Me

One sister challenges another to a fun boxing game.

“How did you get these bruises?”

A crossover with another writer’s canon OC, Alarik (”Elsarik”) where he asks how she got some bruises while on the job.

“How many cats are in bed with you?”

Anna marvels that there are nine cats in bed with Elsa.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to have the whole packet at once.”

Do not eat a whole bag of coffee. Do not.

I Have Found My People (not based on a prompt)

Elsa has discovered that certain Scandinavian countries drink the most coffee in the world and wants to migrate there right now.

“I know you don’t want this but it’s for your own good…”

Kristoff is rightly concerned when he finds that Elsa had thirty cups of coffee in 48 hours. Do not do this at home.

“I, uh, kinda dropped it in the water.”

Elsa calls Anna to tell her there’s an emergency: she dropped her wallet in the sea and all the fish now have her personal information.

“I want a Venusian day…”

Elsa tries to explain to Anna why she would not want to live on Venus. Anna doesn’t give a fuck. More hours in the day what’s not to love about that?

Of Cat’s Paws and Adopting Stellar Systems (not based on a prompt)

Elsa is enthralled by a photo of the Cat’s Paw Nebula she has found on the laptop.

Of Monkeying Around and Going Ape (not based on a prompt)

Anna comes home to discover that Elsa has adopted a monkey that had been neglected by its owner. Even Anna is almost (I said, ALMOST) tempted to keep the monkey but her common sense reigns.

“Oh so you were in my bed this whole time?” (nsfw)

Dontcha hate when you’re in the middle of coitus and your goddamn cat has to interrupt you? (Elsarik, with another Frozen writer’s (@patricia-von-arandel) OC for Elsa)

“Once we start tickling, we can’t stop!” (nsfw)

Another steamy one with an old abandoned OC of mine (Jannike), where they find themselves having a quickie while the boss is away.

Rubbish Day (not based on a prompt)

Anna is horrified to find a rubbish bag gone and trails of what suspiciously looks like blood leading outside. Turns out some meat thrown in there leaked inside.

“The best way to get rid of your ex…”

Anna didn’t think that Hans Westerguard would ever end up on Elsa’s targets to “take care of”. Until he does.

The One Time Elsa Caught Anna “Studying” (not based on a prompt)

Anna uses the mirror in the bathroom to practice distinguishing teeth for a medical exam. Elsa suggests alternatives.

“What is this owl doing in our bathroom?”

Of course Elsa would adopt an owl and want to keep it in the bathroom. Of course.

“Who dances in the rain anyway?”

Elsa comes home to discover Anna dancing in the rain.

“Why is there an otter in our kitchen?”

Anna comes home to find that Elsa has “adopted” an otter from a “client”. As you do.

“Why would you wish to be at a backpackers?”

Elsa and Alarik (Shards AU, Elsarik) decide to stay at a backpackers together for some private time.

“Yes, yes the cold doesn’t bother you…”

Anna is not impressed with Elsa standing in the snow when she has a major cold.

2017

The Blood of White Men (not based on a prompt)

As Elsa’s favourite song goes, he had it comin’ all along.

Is the Earth Broken? (not based on a prompt)

Elsa is confused about why the day she thought it was today...actually isn’t. She convinces herself the Earth has somehow broked.

“It won’t be high tide you said…”

Elsa needs to learn that reading yesterday’s newspaper’s high tide times is not helpful.

Kittens on Saturn (not based on a prompt)

Elsa hopes there’s actual giant kittens on Saturn after seeing a graphic manipulation on an astronomy news site.

Of Singing Humpback Whales and Rock Trolls

Kristoff visits Elsa in hospital while Anna’s busy with other things. It...does not go as expected. Poor Kristoff.

“Proboscis Monkeys look ridiculous…”

Anna’s exasperation at Elsa rescuing a Proboscis monkey is still not so great that she can’t help but wonder what would happen if you honked their nose. Anna NO.

“She’s going to kill you.”

Kristoff knows his days are numbered when he spills carrot juice all over Elsa’s brand new rifle. Uh oh.

“There’s a perfectly good reason for all these kittens.”

Turns out Elsa decided to adopt some kittens left on the side of the road when they’re already over-run with cats.

“This is extreme, even for you.”

Elsa is so addicted to her coffee she’s begun pouring them into wine bottles, as you do.

2018

Elsa brings home a parrot

Anna discovers that Elsa has “rescued” a very large, very loud parrot from one of her, ahem, “clients”.

Elsa’s Back Up Cat, Mushu

Anna discovers one of the cats apparently reading a book, and much to her consternation, Elsa explains he’s for back up.

“Oh what a circus!” photo prompt

Anna takes her still-bewildered-after-five-coffees sister to the circus. This may or may not turn out to be a great idea.

#Frozen #Domestic Assassin AU #DA!verse #Frozen DA!verse

15 notes · View notes

laoness · 4 years

Note

considering you seem to be the only single blog giffing it, please tell me there is vliegende hollanders fanfiction t be found somewhere i need some in my life???

Ooh another person who watches Vliegende Hollanders :D But I don’t know tbh? I haven’t looked if there’s any fanction lmao. However! I did write something myself, which you can read under the cut! If you want. It’s no masterpiece, but it’s something.

Amsterdam, 9pm

It was raining when Plesman knocked on the door of Fokker’s mansion in Amsterdam. While waiting for the door to open he wondered if this was actually a good idea. What if Anthony didn’t want to see him? It was pretty late after all and after everything that happened today… The fact that he wanted to rather fly with Koolhovens than with Fokkers… He probably upset him a lot by that.

But then why was he here in the first place?

Truth be told, Plesman just had nowhere else to go. No family to come home to – he had been on his own for a while now. Drinking by himself and sulking over the events of this day didn’t make him feel better. Besides, he didn’t want to bother his friend Pieter with his misery either. And he wanted to talk to Anthony anyway.

The door finally opened and Plesman was now face to face with Fokker. The other man seemed to be in just as bad shape as himself. Oh dear… Oh no, what did he do by coming here? Maybe he should just turn around and leave…

“Albert?” Fokker said surprised when he laid eyes upon the slightly taller man at his door. “Wh… What are you doing here?” He sounded surprised, not mad or offended … just surprised. Plesman could see that his eyelids were slightly red but quickly shook that thought away.

“I… uhm…” His grip around his hat – which he taken off – tightened. He didn’t know what to answer. “I’m really sorry to bother you Tony…. I just didn’t know where else to go.” He paused. Just before Fokker could reply he continued: “It’s silly I’m sorry, I should just go.”

“Albert!” Just as Plesman wanted to turn around and walk away, Fokker grabbed his arm and stopped him, gently pulling him back. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s raining, I’m not going to let you leave in this weather. Please, just come inside.” Despite everything that happened, Fokker smiled at him. Plesman was confused but sighed, nodded and then walked inside; still feeling a little awkward. Fokker closed the door behind him.

“I… heard about your father.” Plesman suddenly said without daring to look at him. Fokker froze for a second. “I’m sorry.” The other continued in a softer voice.

“Oh…” Fokker mumbled while looking down. “Thank you.” Then he put on his smile again and faced Plesman. The poor man really looked in bad shape, maybe he could try and cheer him up a little after that horrible tragedy?

“I uhm…” Plesman started to speak again. “What happened today… I… It was a tragedy and it’s because of my decisions and my ideas… “

“Albert.” Fokker said softly, trying to stop him but it wasn’t working.

“I shouldn’t have… tried to get rid of you. But I was running out of options while you were gone I… I had to do something. I don’t even really want to get rid of you.”

“Albert!” Fokker said now a little bit louder. He put his hand on the other’s wrist and could feel him shaking. The death of that pilot really weighted heavy on his heart. Tony could understand, Albert was a good man. Sometimes a little too good. “I’m just… glad you didn’t fly that plane yourself.” Fokker continued softly. “And I’m sorry I disappointed you and wasn’t there when you needed me.” A sigh followed his words. Carefully he wrapped his arms around the other’s neck to judge his reaction. But Albert didn’t protest. Tony leaned his head against his shoulder, his voice now being slightly muffled. “I’ll do better. For you.”

By now Plesman had put his arms around his waist and just closed his eyes. After all that had happened today, the death, the money shortage… the reality of losing his job… This is what he needed.

The two men remained like that for a few moments before Fokker pulled back and smiled at him again. Somehow that smile never left his face. “Come.” He nodded towards the living room. “We’ll have a drink.”

“I thought you don’t drink.” Plesman raised a brow.

“But you do.” Silence. Then Plesman had to chuckle softly and Fokker patted his shoulder. “Come on.” They went into the living room, on the way Plesman took off his drenched coat and hung it up. Then they sat down on the sofa and Fokker poured him a drink. He only poured a glass of water for himself. He let his glass clank together with the other before taking a sip.

“Tony…” Albert said after taking a sip. “I’m glad you were there today.” His voice was soft, but loud enough for Tony to hear.

“Well I had to come see for myself after all.” Fokker chuckled. “You were being pretty smart of course. Had it worked- well…” He just shrugged with a little smile. After emptying his glass of water he put it down on the table and looked at Plesman. “How come you’re not at home?”

“Why?” Albert looked confused.

“Don’t you have a wife or something?”

“No?”

“You never had anyone?” Fokker raised an eyebrow and couldn’t hide an amused smirk.

“That’s not… entirely…” Albert tried his best to find something else to talk about but he just was too tired. “It didn’t work out.”

“Oh, sorry about that.” Tony quickly said. There was an awkward silence between them.

“What about you?” Albert suddenly asked after emptying his glass. “I was sure I saw you on the ELTA with someone.”

“Hm?” Tony looked at him now, admiring his facial features and giving him that stare. “Oh… yes… Teta. That uh, didn’t work out.” He sighed softly. “She left me. And since then I’ve been on my own.”

“In a big mansion like this?” Albert raised a brow. “Doesn’t that get lonely?”

“Sometimes.” Tony didn’t stop looking at him. At some point Albert couldn’t withstand his stare anymore and had to look away.

“Well… at least you’ve got enough money to keep your house. And your factory.” Albert suddenly said with a big sigh.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you really think after today they’re going to let me keep my job?” Albert turned his head back to look at Tony. “My position has already been unstable in the past few weeks, because I can’t get anything done.” He ran a hand through his dark brown hair. “I never imagined it was going to be this difficult.” Albert sighed and stared at the wall in front of him. “Maybe I should’ve just started selling eggs like my father. Would’ve probably been better at that.”

Tony sighed and watched him for a moment before leaning back. “Well…” Tony scoffed almost sarcastically. “I thought I would make my father proud by making the name Fokker famous in America. Turns out he doesn’t care what happens in the new world. He just… wanted me to…” he stopped and bit his bottom lip. Thinking back on what his father had said hurt too much.

Albert looked at him again, now in pity. Shockingly he had no idea what his relationship was with his parents. But then why would he? He only know this man a few years and only in a business context. Only recently they… got a bit closer. But still, it was usually only business related.

“Het spijt me.” Albert whispered. Tony looked at him surprised, but slowly his smile appeared on his face again.

“Hey, Albert.” He placed his hand on his knee.

“What?”

“ ’t is maar goed dat geen van ons getrouwd is.” Tony smirked. But Albert just looked confused.

“Hoe bedoel je?”

But instead of giving him an answer, Tony just leaned forward and gently pressed their lips together while closing his eyes. It was a daring move that was for sure! He had never… made a move on a man before! But this just… seemed like the right moment. The right timing. And wow, he never actually felt this happy when kissing someone! It felt more… genuine and magical than every other time he had shared a kiss with his former wife.

Albert on the other hand was just really confused, his initial thought was to push him away, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. His lips felt warm and soft and soon he noticed how his entire body was warming up and his heart was beating a little faster. How strange… But it felt good so he closed his eyes and just let it happen.

After a few seconds Tony pulled back and couldn’t stop smiling. It was contagious because now Albert was smiling too. But niehter of them said anything about it. It was obvious they both enjoyed it and put it off for too long.

“Tell you what.” Tony suddenly said. “You can stay the night here. I can’t let you leave in this terrible weather with a good conscious. And well… No offense, but you look like you could use some company.” Albert was perplexed for a second.

“Ehm… if... if you really don’t mind.”

“Natuurlijk niet!” Tony chuckled. “Like I said, it gets a bit lonely here at times.”

#vliegende hollanders #ask #answered #rawrkittenpurr

4 notes · View notes

nikkigrand · 4 years

Text

There’s no easy way to say this, but I’m abandoning all of my works. Everything.

This post is going to be long, honest, triggering and deeply personal. So for those who don’t want to read through all of my bullshit, the gist is that I’m not emotionally or mentally capable of writing anymore.

TW ARE IN PLACE.

If you’ve followed me for a while, then you know that my boyfriend was killed in Afghanistan last year. Since then, my life has been a breathless decline into self destruction. I didn’t know—I still don’t know—how to recover from happily waiting for his return to painfully knowing he never will. I swear that some days I feel like he’s still out there and some day he’ll come home and this will all be just a bad dream. I want to wake up to a reality where he steps off that plane and into my arms, where I don’t keep a crumpled old t shirt that smells more of me than him under my pillow, where the shock of hearing certain songs doesn’t make me throw up. A reality where I don’t have to sit in front of his ashes every time I visit his mother and look at his singed necklace around her neck.

I wanted nothing more than to wake up. Just wake the fuck up and feel alive again because for so long I had felt this choking pain and grief and misery and then nothing.

Everything became an escape, something to fill that void in me. I tried all the healthy things. I ate, I worked out, I ran. I talked to people about how I felt and reached out, but nothing helped. I volunteered, i planted trees and flowers, I channeled my grief into kindness. I tried to take all this pain and turn it into something beautiful, and still I felt nothing. I was falling falling falling into this black pit and was reaching for anything to keep me from hitting the bottom.

So I started chasing highs. The standard shit at first. I drank so much alcohol that I’d wake up in bushes with my friends, limbs tangled in ways that left me sore and stinging for days because who the hell passes out in a Rose bush?

At first, drinking was fucking hell, because no matter how much I drank I’d always end up with my head cradled in the palms of my hands, fingers digging into my scalp as I screamed and wailed and asked why why why why when he was so close to coming home and why was life so goddamn mean??? I’d be in bar bathrooms, just curled in the corner and sobbing like a dramatic princess until my friends carried me out. This happened about a dozen times before it just stopped, because I figured I wasn’t drinking enough if I could remember everything.

So I drank more and more and more and then I realized that it wasn’t making me feel better, it wasn’t doing anything for me.

So I started smoking. Just weed, you know. Nothing too crazy at the time. But all that did was make me hyper-fixate on all of my failures and short comings. It made me hate myself so viscerally, so deeply that I wondered if this is who I truly am at my core. A mean bitch who drinks, smokes, parties. A maneater who fucks these poor kind hearted men to fill that hole her dead man left inside her and still finds herself cold and numb after because it’s not enough. It’s never enough.

I’m sure you know where this is going. But I hated myself. I’m a beautiful girl, I’m not blind, and yet I found myself to be so fucking ugly. So fucking ugly and grey and all I wanted—all I needed—was something to breathe life into me the way life itself did before.

I just wanted to feel happy and normal. Only for a little while. That need was so encompassing it would grip my insides and I’d cry from how much I wanted it, how much I had convinced myself I needed it. It was all I fucking wanted.

So the bumps came. And then the lines. And then whole baggies to myself. And it felt amazing, it was wonderful. The world was alive, things were different. I had more energy, more life in me than I had in months. Then the other type of lines came and it made me feel like I was floating away. There was no pain, no misery, no death hanging over my shoulder to remind me that the strength of your love can’t make people stay.

But soon, that too wasn’t enough. Like every other thing, I felt there was something better, something that could make me feel more. So here is where I tell you about all the pills I popped, all the different colored presses and how each one pulled me out of that hole I was falling into and deposited me above the ground —much higher than I could have ever dreamed of—and filled my grey world with beautiful gorgeous colors.

Then I can tell you about all the tabs I let dissolve on my tongue, or fully swallowed out of impatience, all of the lines of ketamine I combined with ecstasy and acid in one night. The things I saw, the way I felt—it took me far from this dismal life and was addicting. I was chasing something every weekend until it became every other day, chasing some feeling I still can’t name, and I knew that it was ruining me.

My grief and my drugs were killing me, and I knew it. With every cotton mouth, every clenched jaw, every pounding headache, I fucking knew and didn’t care. I’d look at my friends faces and I knew, I knew they loved me and would be devastated if they knew what I was doing, and I still didn’t care. What was life if it felt this empty?

My grades dropped, i turned down a contracting job I wanted for years, I spent all my money on psychedelics and stimulants, and it had gotten to a point where I’d pop a pill while sitting at home just because I didn’t want to be sober and didn’t want to think about how fucked up my life was becoming.

Then one day I was at a concert, high in the clouds with a joint settled comfortably between my lips and frizzy hair piled messily atop my head, when I saw a girl get carried out the venue by medics. She was probably a few years younger than I am, and i remember looking at her face impassively as they pushed through the crowd with her body thrown over this bear of a man’s shoulder as if in slow motion. She was pale and foaming at the mouth, with her arms dangling limply down his back, and she looked dead—she was dead. I knew in that same way you know that the sky is blue when the sun is up, I just knew.

And in that moment—those few seconds it took me to acknowledge that she had most likely overdosed and died—this intense yearning shot through me, so strong that I felt it in the crooks of my fucking elbows, like I wanted to embrace whatever the fuck it was that I desired to live inside me, and this voice cried out, “I wish that were me.”

And you know what, I didn’t even know I had spoken until the guy next to me shoved me in the shoulder and said, “no you don’t.”

And that terrified me. I remember dropping the joint, fumbling it in my shaking fingers, burning myself on the lit end, before handing it off to that same random guy and running off to get some air.

I’m not stupid and I’m not blind. I know I’m depressed, I know I’ve got issues, but I had never said something so suicidal out loud up until that point. I’ve never vocally wished for death and even as I sat there, as I looked out at the people outside the venue huddled together doing whip it’s and killing brain cells, I still wanted to be that poor dead girl on that man’s shoulders.

That was it for me. I remember calling an Uber home on the spot and taking everything I had and flushing it. Im not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you that it was easy. I had convinced myself that I needed these things to make me happy, and i don’t know if I can ever see life the same way after them. The feelings you get off these things are otherworldly, it’s so damn good, but they come at a price. You dont feel the same way you did before you took them, and you never will. You’ll never be who you were before that high, but you can almost convince yourself that it’s worth it. So it was pretty damn hard to take my neon presses, my rocks. my capsules, my bud and my tabs, and flush them down the toilet.

Almost immediately after I did it, I cried. Mostly because i had flushed hundreds of dollars down the fucking toilet, but also because I had become that girl in those cheesy college movies. You know the one, the one where the party girl gets addicted to drugs and goes on a bender and her whole life is just one big goddamn tragedy that won’t end. I hate those fucking movies and I, for the life of me, could not believe I was that girl.

I had been military, straight laced with a good head on my shoulders and a hard worker. I was smart, respected, the girl everyone wanted to bring home to mom. And now I was a hot mess crying in my bathroom because I had just flushed my addiction down the shitter.

Now I’m just home, trying to gather the pieces of myself in a way that doesn’t cause long term damage when I’ve yet to hit my 27th birthday.

I still go out with my friends. They know nothing about what I’ve done because I’ve always gone out and done things alone. This is the first time I’ve ever spilled my guts.

So where does FanFiction come into play in all this. Well, it’s simple, really, if you’ve gotten to this point and picked out all the mistakes in grammar. My brain is so fucked up that I can barely write a passable 3 page essay. I can’t remember words, much less how to string them together to form something beautiful in the way I used to. Trust me, it kills me and I’ve agonized over it for hours. I once tried to take this amazing idea I had and put it to paper but it would just not flow. Nothing made sense. Where before writing was effortless and focused, now my brain could barely concentrate on forming a sentence that didn’t sound like gibberish.

My attention span is so short that I literally have to isolate myself with no internet and my textbooks to get work done. It’s so bad that I have anxiety and panic attacks about the fact that I feel like a whole dumbass with one brain cell, where before I was proud of my intelligence and could hold decent conversation.

I’m still pretty, as if that fucking matters, but now I’ve got a stutter and can’t hold eye contact because my paranoia makes me think they’re judging me. And let me tell you, I’m so fucking pissed about that because I know it’s just my fried brain thinking these things, and there’s no one to blame but myself.

And I still feel empty and numb. How can I write about love and human emotions when I don’t feel anything? How can I write about looking at someone and loving them when the memory of love faded like my lover’s ashes in the wind? I just can’t.

I know love as it whispers against my skin with each interaction between me, friends, even other men, and yet I look at them and feel absolutely nothing.

So Yeah, I can’t write my stories if I can’t get my brain or my heart to work.

I’m really sorry to all my loyal readers. I really am. I wish I had been stronger. Thank you for all of your support throughout the years.

Don’t do drugs.

#trigger warnings #personal

38 notes · View notes