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nosomatsu · 9 months

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(( because i feel like subjecting you all to it. here. just for u guys.............. a ramble on fixing bringing the brothers together from s1e25 ina more sensical and not lameass way. and also!!!! s1e24 osomatsu and why he reacted the way he did to all the bros moving out. Under the cut!!!! it's long !!! it's unfiltered 4 am discord ramblings so. hYAAATCHACHA prepare for that ))

My personal headcanon is that. What actually brings them all together is ichimatsu ending up in the hospital from his illness..I mean they were all apart for like Months ic . And he was definitely on the streets for a While. But as you saw he was getting pretty sick and collapsing in front of strangers. He's lucky that the couple was there to help catch him otherwise he would just hit the pavement. But he's clearly too prideful to return back home and doesn't want the shame and stigma of needing help from his family and I know it's a cultural thing but also I think he's just generally very... Stubborn. Absolutely wouldn't want to ask for any help. So it would end until he got brought to a hospital and that's the thing that brings everybody back together and gets them talking. Because the same thing happens in season 2 with the father. They were having a big fight and the one thing that could get them all together was their father in a similar sitch and then they all started taking life a little more seriously? You'll see when we get there but yeah I think that it would be the only realistic thing that could get them talking . Ichimatsu is going to be fine he's not going to be like injured or hurt or anything. He's just going to be very badly sick for a bit

But also. Ichimatsu's self worth is so abysmally low as we know . That like... Not only do I feel that would lead him properly being taken care of and have the others help him understand his worth, and show how they value him... But I also think that's actually something he desperately needs to hear. He's not a guy who lets others take care of them very often. But I think that.. because of how dysfunctional the family has become and the drifting from most of the brothers. Even if they do still deeply care about one another it's clear their dynamics are all sorts of fucked up , and ichimatsus depression and isolating tendencies are left to fester a bunch when jyushi isn't trying to help .

I think it would really do him good to have a reminder every now and then that his family does actually care about him ( or at least his brothers do .. their parents are fuucked up most of the time and don't bother to remember their names idk how to feel about them ) Even if he usually hates such attention It's... necessary sometimes And honestly would kickstart ichimatsus character development to what he Becomes in these next seasons bc otherwise there's no real reason why he just turns to a weird little cat guy Who isn't as much of a freak

And then there could have been a whole reaction from oso himself. Maybe he's even the reason they are all united again, with reaching out to the bros even if he feels like it's a long shot. Maybe he found ichi, too. Would rattle him into loosening up and we know that would be the case cause of season 2. Talking out why he was so angry instead of him letting it fester. AND A FUCKING APOLOGY TO JYUSHI

Personally I think it's like. He genuinely felt betrayed not because he didn't want his brothers to succeed but because he wasn't ready to separate in any way / he is .. like very over protective in his own way ( even if he rarely shows it ) over his brothers. He doesn't care if they have a job or a girlfriend or if they try to better themselves. We see that he is completely okay with that stuff. But he is absolutely not fine with anyone leaving , for a variety of reasons that only make sense if you know the context of osomatsu-kuns series. It shouldn't have manifested as anger but it did and then he just kind of got this attitude like "well clearly you don't care about US if you're moving out so I'm not gonna care about you. You're dead to me."

But then he kept. Hurting his brothers or getting really dicey and mean to them because he doesn't know how to regulate not lashing out Which isn't great but . That's what it feels like they were going for. and on top of that, they all felt like they needed to rush out and get a job and be like choro, grow up and function without any actual guidance or clue as to how to actually make it. Otherwise, the show wouldnt have gone out of its way to show how they were barely scraping by / how uncomfortable and miserable they were; they werent ready for this in the slightest, but it's what is expected of them. even if it crushes their spirit. even if they miss home and they miss their brothers so badly.

anyways ... it was pretty clear that osomatsu absolutely should have received that letter choromatsu wrote. Hed moved out basically the same day he told them he had a job -- all ready to leave without saying a prior word ( and he meant to leave that letter for them but alas he forgot to ) Nobody was happy about anyone moving out but the parents, and with osomatsu refusing to apologize/ getting so physical if you tried to bring it up. None of the other brothers wanted to be around him I mean. Osomatsu isn't a guy you can just drop that on and he'll be ok with it. He needs a lot more heads up before it happens, because he's clearly got some attachment issues and a weird relationship with family feelings.

The others weren't very happy, they said they were pretty sad but wanted to celebrate being happy for choros sake. But you saw how he hurt jyushi, and then how he hurt todomatsu after Todo scolded him for not seeing choro off. which is significant, because despite not acting like it totty DOES deeply care for his brothers ( otherwise he wouldn't have been in tears when choro Did leave . And he left cause oso hurt him pretty bad; if oso hadn't done that I genuinely think he'd have stayed ) Plus also choromatsu did arrange all of the living place arrangements without letting anyone know for a long time. I guarantee he felt betrayed because.. well in ep 23s end in the bathhouse choromatsu straight up lied to them When he said he would give up on a job and a house and blah blah blah He was being weirdly dodgy and nervous and then that carried into ep 24 When it's revealed the reason WHY is because he was about to drop that moving out the same day bombshell on them

]And if there is one thing osomatsu hates the most. It is ABSOLUTELY. liars Of any kind. That is consistent throughout the show. He hates when his brother's lie to his very core. He hates in anybody lies really but especially his brothers. That's why he sabotaged totty's job at Starbucks, because totty didn't think being himself was good enough. Everything he SAID to the girls he was hitting on was a complete lie, he was ashamed to be who he was and osomatsu was having none of it They could handle the insults and the worries about girls. But where osomatsu draws the line is all the lying about University, his home life, his personality, everything. So he got all the brothers to go along with him and make an ass out of themselves to get totty fired Cuz they were being completely normal at first until they found out that he Was being such a liar I have analysis on totty about why he did that too but the focus is osomatsu here

and i just think it's criminal that they were too cowardly to tackle and discuss this unlike in later seasons. didn't grow their balls yet i guess basically though about choro's letter. that could have been key to help osomatsu understand hiding it wasn't a choice choromatsu made out of maliciousness but rather nervousness. i think if anyone needed to hear those words it was very much osomatsu and it was a cop out that he never got to. that wouldn't have fixed everything, but it would have fuckin helped.

...But in a living situation like the brothers where their trust is constantly shattered all the time by everyone but each other ( + all the trauma that happens to them both as kids in osokun and adults in ososan that's just.. shrugged off and never thought about again despite being Canon and very clearly still affecting them in later eps ) and how oso insists many things should be a "sibling discussion" even if it makes little sense to be. and why he's so brutally honest ( too much so at times. he won't even really tell little white lies even when he knows they can be useful ) + prioritizes honesty and hates liars so much. too many people lie to them already, can he not even trust his own brothers now?

so, i can see why he acts the way he does. doesn't JUSTIFY it. i still wanna kiill s1 oso with hammers. but. hey he gets better <:3 also one last addendum my friend theo said becauyse this is also truth

Osomatsu is a character that needs communication. he exists insecurely which makes me rather sad for his existence where he will be in vulnerable situations and ask for reassurance / look for it which is something that he isn't good at, him isolating and shutting down is his way to ask for help and reassurance,. only in season 2 after the scare of thier father is when he actually begins to communicate and be more vocal about the way the world is effecting him and the fear he experiences. that's when he realizes ' hey.. why am I forcing myself to exist and rush through all of this right now because my dad was sick and i realized the mortality and fragility of life and how it can end in a second ' and it helps him grow up very quickly in a short time as we see the effects in the third season ( and the first movie ). HE"S STILL NOT THE BEST BROTHER MIND YOU but he's also in a position where he's learning and growing as a person through his experiences in his life and these crushing realities of how the adult world is and how they are expected to act

all this said. here. i leave you with my favorite oso edit that's been plaguing me for weeks now

#˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱ ┈┈┈⋞ 𝐓𝐗𝐓 ⋟ ooc #˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍺 ꒱ ┈┈┈〈 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘 〉 osomatsu #˗ˏˋ꒰ 🐈 ꒱ ┈┈┈〈 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘〉 ichimatsu #˗ˏˋ꒰ 📗 ꒱ ┈┈┈〈 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘〉 choromatsu

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fagdykefriendship · 1 year

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thinking about my girlfriend sorry for being gay. like. sorry this got long. read more if you want to learn how we got together

ok we met in? around 2021? like we met but we didn’t talk to each other. i remember i was surprised that she knew my name once when she asked me for help. in the 21-22 rowing season i guess i was around her a lot in groups but didn’t really talk to her. she was super quiet and i was also pretty quiet. i did take notice of her mostly bc she also followed ro ramdin on instagram and was quiet and mysterious

then in late 2022, my friend’s friend maurice decided he wanted to make her talk more so he just basically started talking at her and she responded and thank god for maurice tbh. i started being around her more in smaller group settings and talking to her. i found out she was super funny and also easily embarrassed

by 2023 we were friends. still mostly hung out in group settings. i started hanging out with her and one other friend, so a very small group. we texted a lot the three of us but i still wasn’t one on one with her that often since we were both awkward

with the third friend in our group becoming more busy, and planning to move, she and i ended up hanging out one on one a few times. also texting one on one. we got closer and then she came out to me and the other friend as trans. she and i got a lot closer after that talking about trans stuff

i gave her a bunch of my old dresses and that was kinda the Moment for me she was twirling around in one of my dresses and she hugged me and i was like ohhh shit we are not unpacking this right now but i think i would kill for this girl

then in like. mid-late june we were talking a lot. it came time for pride, me and her and talla went together. she and talla slept over. talla clocked real fast that i liked her. talla told me that she definitely liked me back. honestly without that i doubt i would’ve told her

then like a week later. last day of june i was over at her place. it was really late at night. it was like 1am and officially july. my best friends in the fagdyke groupchat were telling me to just tell her. which i did. for the first time ever! because i’m a chronic straight girl liker but i’m healing.

and then she was like oh i like you too and i could not believe her. until we kissed. and her cat meowed at us bc her cat hates gay people. and now we’re together. it hasn’t been that long but also she and i are just very similar i always feel like i’ve known her way longer than i have. she was my best friend for like 4 months and now my girlfriend for almost 1. that’s crazy

she told me that she realized she liked me when i told her she was pretty over text. which i had done intentionally and when i sent that text i had to put my phone down and breathe deeply. gay people are so dramatic

and even though she’s really shy in general even with other friends i feel like she’s opened up so much to me. she’s a complete different person from when i first met her. first of all she’s happier. transgenderism does that. she’s a lot more open and vulnerable. she’s affectionate. she verbalizes things better. also her hair has improved. i love my girlfriend

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exhalcdvibes · 2 years

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official name : augustus eric grey . meaning of name : of latin origin meaning ‘venerable‘ accorded a great deal of respect ; of norse origin meaning forever ruler. nicknames : auggie. date of birth : july 1, 1993. age : twenty nine. birthplace : detriot, michigan. hometown : bellevue, washington . nationality : american. gender : cis man. pronouns : he/him. orientation : bisexual & biromantic. religion : atheist. languages : spanish, korean, mandarin, french, english & conversational sweedish. education : bachelor in energy engineering from princeton university , masters in business from princeton university .

｡* ❪ 📂 › BASICS

(—) ★ spotted!! auggie grey on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid! many say that the 29 year old looks like charles melton, but i don’t really see it. while the energy engineer / socialite is known for being loving my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be vain i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song head & heart by joel corry & MNEK {he/him / cis man }

｡* ❪ 📂 › BACKSTORY

auggie was born to a teen mother who thought she could handle raising him. she placed him up for adoption after three months when she realized it was too much. this was the beginning of auggie being bounced from place to place.

originally he was being fostered by a really sweet old couple, the dad was a professor who taught auggie all about language eventually the two moved to korea for his career which meant auggie had to go back into foster care.

( physical abuse tw ) his second family was less well natured, they beat into him obedience, he learned rather quickly to do what he was told to avoid being physically punished. needless to say he was happy when the couple decided they didn’t want him anymore and placed him back in foster care.

atticus grey never intending to be a father, hell he was never intending to be a husband but he fell in love with his assistant anna. he was ( and still is ) willing to do anything to make her happy, including having a child.

orion, while the apple of his parents eye, spent all his time alone at around five he asked his parents for a brother. never one to deny their son something he wanted they started fostering children in the hopes of finding a good fit for orion.

when auggie arrived he was a bit of a little shit with a bunch of behavioral issues, he gave his parents all kinds of grief, hiding from them, taking their stuff, once he flushed a diamond broach down the toilet to see what’d they do

he kind of just assumed they’d eventually give him back like everyone else. the only person he really spoke to was orion and even then it was usually to bully his new sibling.

as he got older and auggie realized he wasn’t going to get sent away he calmed down…slightly. turning his anger into determination to be the best, he essentially crafted himself to be a mini version of his father

auggie is extremely close to his father because well, orion is nothing like him, he likes that auggie would basically do anything to make the man proud

｡* ❪ 📂 › EMOTIONAL STATE

has a very explosive temper, it’s really not hard to make him mad, he has the type of rage that has led him to almost going to jail after beating someone nearly to death

doesn’t know how to express himself so he tends to be sarcastic by default, most times he is giving you an honest answer, it’s just said in a very sarcastic manner

he is a shameless flirt but has never had any interest in being in a committed relationship, he’s cheated on every partner he’s ever had, ever

will lie to you if it’s easier for him or to get what he wants out of you

incredibly intelligent but has always had to work hard for it, school does not come easy to him, he’s just the type of person to work himself into the ground for the grade he wants

extremely prideful, has gotten into fights because of his ego being wounded

a bit manipulative, will lie, cheat, steal and do whatever is necessary to get what he wants

annoyingly nice at times, but like with most things, it’s usually a performance there are very few people who actually know auggie at all

｡* ❪ 📂 › QUICK FACTS

auggie is the golden child, since orion wants nothing to do with the family business and auggie is literally a mini version of his daddy, atticus just…loves him more

atticus grey owns the biggest energy provider in all of the united states, he wanted orion to take over the family business but he was less than interested so he’s been priming auggie to take over. currently he’s avoiding as much responsibility as he possibly can but he knows he’ll have to step up at some point.

always wanted a pet but was never allowed one, probably for the best he wouldn’t know how to take care of it

doesn’t know how to take care of himself at all, he’s always paid someone to do everything for him, catch him walking around in a weird off pink bc he ruined all his laundry trying to do it himself

hates cats, he got scratched by one as a kid and has hated all of them since

did ballet until he was in high school so he’s actually a very good dance but he will do the whole teach me to dance thing just to feel you up

has an unnatural love for mcdonalds, is still mad he can’t get on the playground anymore without getting yelled at

#hillzhqsintro

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randomestfandoms-ocs · 2 years

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So, I’m back

Tentatively, at least. I’m going to give it a try, I guess is what I should say, but I don’t want to do that without acknowledging some of what happened in May. This is going to be a long post, so as a very loose outline I’m going to start with the overall Tumblr shit, the May stuff, and my decision to go awol for almost six months. After that, I’m going to talk a bit about the CK situation, and then at the end I’m going to outline my general plan going forward. (but, this is a very very long post, so I’ll be putting a lot of it under a cut)

First and foremost, I’m sorry. I know that I have hurt a lot of people, I have been inconsiderate, stubborn, and prideful, and although it was never my intention to hurt anyone, it doesn’t undo the harm that I’ve caused to people that I care very much about. There is nothing that I can say that will erase that damage, but I am so incredibly sorry all the same. None of what I’m going to say in the rest of this post undoes the hurt that I’ve caused. I can offer explanations, apologies, and plans for moving forward, but I’m not looking to pretend that nothing happened. All I can say is that I am truly sorry to everyone who I hurt.

I never copied an oc or an edit on purpose. That doesn't mean there were never similarities between my creations/ocs and other people's, whether that be total coincidence or having seen/been inspired by others' work unconsciously, and I am sorry that when people would contact me about issues like this, I would get really defensive. That wasn't right of me, especially to shut down conversation about it when i know creators love their ocs and work so hard on their projects and are so close to them.

It’s not fair for me to dictate how people express their concerns, but I know that much of my pushback and defence came when confronted point blank with "you copied/stole from me", because I did feel attacked. My immediate reaction was always harsh and emotional, that no, I can’t steal an idea when I didn’t know existed, and I didn't go looking for things to copy. That defensiveness has definitely made me shut down conversations where I’d probably have been better off responding “hey, definitely wasn’t deliberate, didn’t know you had something similar, can we talk about this more so I can make changes and make them more different ?". I would feel attacked, and get my back up, that people would say these things to me. I like to think that I responded better to messages like “hey, I’m uncomfortable with how similar these are” or “hey, I started x trend and you should credit me”, and I do have people who I worked this out with like that, but I also understand that some might feel differently, and it wasn't fair of me to base my accountability and courtesy on the criteria of how nicely someone who probably felt defensive and hurt in their own right approached me about it.

I’m not planning to make any further posts on the subject because it’s admittedly a big complicated mess and there’s a lot to say, so I tried to touch on all of the basics here, but for anyone who would like to talk more about anything in this post (or about anything else, really), my DMs are open and I’m happy to talk. I’m not going to pretend that this one post erases everything that has happened, I know that it doesn’t, but I don’t think that I can achieve anything more in messy public posts; I really feel that anything more can only really happen in proper conversations.

I’m not looking to talk shit or unpack a bunch of drama or anything, so I’m going to keep this part very short. On a personal level, in early May I had only just started a new job and was working, on average, 16-18 hours a day. I was waking up between 6 and 7 every morning for the first job, then getting home around 2 from the second, with barely enough time in between to have a meal and get changed. I was tired and snappy and overwhelmed as can be without including anything from Tumblr. I will be the first to admit that I was not in a particularly good place, so when everything started, I got incredibly defensive. Obviously external circumstances don’t justify my behaviour and I hate that I hurt someone that I considered a close friend, but that was where things started.

From there I don’t know everything that happened, I assume that various conversations were going on that I wasn’t a part of, but I received very hurtful messages from a few people I had considered among my best friends. By then I was already regretting how I’d handled the initial situation and was just too hurt and stubborn to admit it, but I didn’t want to hurt anyone else or cause more damage by lashing out again, so I quit Tumblr. I deleted the app from my phone during a shift after getting these messages and when I got home from work I unfollowed every oc blog that I’d been following, signed out, and closed Tumblr on my computer. I know that my decision to unfollow everyone also hurt people, and I’m so so so fucking sorry that I didn’t communicate with anyone before (or, frankly, after) doing so – it boiled down to the fact that I knew that I wouldn’t be able to completely leave Tumblr if the urge to “oh just take a quick look and see what’s going on” was still there. I’m very good at justifying myself and I would have convinced myself that it was always just once or just to check on [all of my friends]. I knew that I needed a clean break and work through things for myself and on my own time first so that I could then approach things calmly and with an open mind, and while I don’t regret taking that hiatus, I absolutely regret being so callous and inconsiderate with how I did it.

And, I won’t deny, I was also feeling extremely hurt and needed to leave for my own wellbeing. I know that I was defensive and dismissive myself, but seeing what I thought was an argument with a friend turn into dozens of posts about everything apparently wrong with me was overwhelming and hurtful and I knew that staying online through that would only make me more defensive and more inclined to lash out. I understand that some people felt that I wasn’t hearing them out privately and felt that this was the best way to communicate and I can’t hold that against them, but I still believe that it was entirely uncalled for that people who I’d never once talked to were jumping on this bandwagon and making statements as if they were involved. I’m not looking to deflect blame for the hurt that I caused, but quite frankly I was not the only person who reacted badly during that time period and I’m not looking to pretend that I wasn’t incredibly hurt by other people’s actions as well.

I definitely wasn’t planning to take almost six months off, but once I started the hiatus, I started to realize two things. First of all, my mental health and presence in my own life was so much better without Tumblr, and second of all, that the particular inciting incident was really just a side effect of a much bigger problem in my overall relationship with Tumblr, and I realized that there was no way that I could return until I’d really figured out the roots of the problem and how to fix it. After all, I can apologize all I want for what happened (and as flippant as this may sound, I really am incredibly sorry), but it would be completely worthless if I didn’t take the time to improve my behaviours and figure out how to avoid repeating toxic patterns. I kind of lucked out in that some shit was going on in my workplace (some shit with a coworker and extensive shit with my manager; I’ve now quit that job and I’m much happier for it) that, while different, stemmed from a lot of the same places in my head, which made it much easier to start identifying those issues. After that, it was really a matter of figuring out practical solutions and making sure that I was in a position to return to Tumblr without falling back into shitty behaviour and hurting other people and, frankly, damaging my own mental health again. That took a lot longer but I’ve started to build a plan for it, which is just a little bit further down!

So, that’s the summary of May and why I disappeared. But, the other thing that happened in May (though admittedly not a factor in the hiatus) was the Codename Kryptonite situation, so I’m going to touch on that next. This is going to be even more rambly because frankly (as will be very clear) my brain was a fucking mess with all of it and I can barely process it let alone explain it, but I’d rather give a very messy disjointed explanation than totally ignore it.

So, the long story short of it is yes, that was me.

Honestly, the CK stuff was something that spiralled far more than I meant for it to until I didn't know what to do. I'd made it with just the intention of working on original stuff separate from my fanfic stuff and related drama. At the time, original work also didn’t get much traction in the oc community, so it was intended to me more of a writerblr situation. Then people were talking to me which I hadn’t really planned for and I got a couple of asks about fandom ocs and was kind of like "okay i guess?" which is where the fandom oc stuff started. I was just trying to engage with people’s creations and generally be positive because I didn’t want to seem like a bitch who posted my own shit but ignored everyone else, but then people started actually talking to me too (outside of the handful of people who knew it was me, so I never had concerns about talking to them) and I started to feel like not responding/trying to be friends would be bitchy and hurt people, so I went along with it and told myself I’d just be nice but didn’t need to be Super Social. Like I wouldn’t ignore people but I wouldn’t go out of my way to start conversations either.

But the longer that went on, the more of a disconnect there was in my brain where like, ik this does sound ridiculous, but it did start to feel almost like being two different people, including interacting with other blogs (in messages, asks, giveaways, and posts) as if they were two entirely different people. Obviously this wasn’t the slightest bit okay and I am so fucking sorry to everyone who I hurt in the process. There is no good justification for it, all that I can say is that I never meant to hurt or betray anyone and I’m so sorry. Rather than make the reasonable judgement that there was clearly a bigger fucking problem and that it should be a sign that I needed to step back from everything, I dug my heels in further and devoted myself even more to working on CK-and-related content. I’m not even sure why, but it felt like the right choice at the time — except the more that I dug that hole, the harder it was to take a step back, even when there was a part of me that knew that I needed to. Looking back it’s really obvious that it was unhealthy and harmful, both to myself and the people around me, but even when it was killing me to try to stay on top of two blogs, I couldn’t figure out how to just like… stop.

I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense and definitely doesn’t make it okay, but my intention was never to hurt or betray anyone and I really truly hate that I did. Taking a full break from tumblr for a while now has definitely helped me realize how much of a toxic cycle it had become (partially externally but a whole lot of it was obviously self made) which is why I took so long figuring out how to go back without falling back into those patterns, which is the last thing that I'd ever want to do.

I hurt a lot of people that I really care about on tumblr, but my relationship with the whole oc creation thing (not the community specifically but the way that I handled creating ocs and pushing myself to create so many edits) was also damaging to myself and a lot of my irl relationships, and I think that a lot of it is stuff that like... in the many, many moments I couldn't see how out of hand things had gotten (not just with the ck/fanhub stuff but also with my main, my mental health, and my online and irl relationships) but now that I have some distance from it it's like, so blatant. I don’t mean any of this in a "i hope that makes sense bc i'm right and blameless" or whatever because like, i know it was fucked up and entirely my fault, but I hope I did a halfway comprehensible job of explaining what I'm still trying to work through/understand. And again, to everyone that I hurt, I’m so sorry. There’s not much more that I can say because obviously there isn’t a good excuse, but I promise that my intention was never to hurt, mislead, or betray anyone.

So… what does this mean now?

Tbh, answering that question is what’s taken me the longest in coming back. Like, okay, figuring out what some problems are is great and all, but it’s not worth much if I can’t figure out a way to fix them. So I tried to look at a few of the main problems that I’ve had, and I have a few things that I’m going to be trying. This is not an exclusive list, and I am definitely open to suggestions (I’ll talk more about that in point 5/6), but this is both an outline for you all to know that I’m not just talking out of my ass saying that I’ll change and then doing the exact same shit, and a guideline to myself of concrete ways to try to improve, both for myself and the rest of this community.

1. Less giveaways. I’m not saying none ever again, but I need to cut back. This isn’t something that’s exclusive to Tumblr by any means (tbh I became aware of it because of an issue with a coworker and then realized I’ve done it my entire life including on Tumblr) but I have a desperate need to feel liked and in order to achieve it, I end up constantly doing things for people to try to convince them to like me, only to then get incredibly burned out and end up resentful of feeling like people only use me to get things. I love to surprise people with gifts, but I need to change how I approach that. I might still do giveaways on occasion (maybe for milestones, tbd) but I’m going to focus more on being supportive to the friends that I do have instead of trying to convince people who don’t care that they should like me. I’m going to try to stick to making surprise gifts when the inspiration strikes and, when the usual giveaway urge strikes, I’m going to try to reach out to those people and ask what they’d like instead of overwhelming myself to the point that I can no longer enjoy what I’m doing.

I don’t mean this to be petty or to “punish” anyone, not in the slightest. But I spent so long hosting giveaways to convince people I’d never interacted with to like me and I put so much energy into making gifts for people who only tolerated me at best and in the process I lost sight of the friends who were actually there for me, and of my own limits (both mentally and in my time and ability to create). I’m not looking to stop making gifts for people, not even close, but I need to learn that friendship isn’t transactional – I can’t, and shouldn’t, put so much time into making gifts as a bribe to get people to like me. It’s not healthy or realistic, and I’d much rather spend my time doing things for people who’s friendship isn’t conditional and who I want to show my appreciation for.

2. Limiting my posting. As some of you know, I spent about two years following an absurdly intense edit schedule that had me posting three or four times a day every day. In retrospect, that was bullshit. I convinced myself that if I just posted more and more, it would get more people interested and engaging with my content, and I was hilariously wrong. I ended up incredibly burned out and stressed trying to keep up with it, by trying to rush through it my edits ended up mediocre and repetitive, and I overwhelmed everyone else with edits to the point that no one (including me) could even really enjoy any of it, not to mention that often by the time I reached an edit in the list, I would have totally lost inspiration for that oc .

My logic started out strong; I had other shit going on and couldn’t always be editing and I’m painfully indecisive at times, so having a schedule meant that I could have edits ready ahead of time when I knew I’d be away from my computer and I wouldn’t lose all of my time trying to decide what to do, but it got out of hand (a recurring theme of this post, so something I’m very very focused on improving). I’ve spent the past few months only editing when I’m really inspired by something, and it’s been so much better. I’m having fun, I’m learning a few new techniques, and I think that my edits are turning out all the better for it. So, that’s what I’m going to try to keep doing. I have a list of edit ideas already, 50 of which are done and drafted, so I will be putting those into a queue (for only once a day now) and continuing to edit only as inspiration strikes.

My hope is that having so many edits already done will limit my anxiety about needing to churn out more content and will allow me to instead continue to have fun and follow my muse. I haven’t decided if new ideas will be jumped to the top of the queue or simply added to the bottom (probably some of both), but ideally this will not only allow me to enjoy my own work again but will also make it easier to spend time enjoying others’ creations without feeling like I’m somehow slacking or wasting time by not constantly pushing myself to make more.

3. Limiting my availability. One of the external factors in my initial decision to leave Tumblr was that I was just too fucking overwhelmed. At the time, I had only just started a new job and was working, on average, 16-18 hours a day. I was waking up between 6 and 7 every morning for the first job, then getting home around 2 from the second, with barely enough time in between to have a meal and get changed. Obviously this doesn’t excuse anything, and I’m not trying to, but it’s a fact. When I’m that overwhelmed and exhausted to begin with, it’s impossible for me to stay rational and reasonable here on Tumblr, and the extent to which everything here was overwhelming me was having a severe impact on my mental health and job performance, which is what led to my deleting Tumblr mid shift in the first place. Obviously, I don’t want that to happen again, so I’m going to work to set boundaries for myself. While my edits will run on queue and I might mindlessly reblog things to my main throughout the day, I’m going to limit how much time I dedicate to Tumblr, and particularly this blog.

I am back to only working one job now (thank god) but it still takes up a lot of time, I have offline hobbies, and some of the best friends I’ve ever had. Prior to my hiatus, I was always on Tumblr. During my breaks (sometimes during shifts, too), while with my family, while with my friends, I felt that people would get mad if I didn’t make myself constantly available and so I did. Going forward, I’m going to greatly reduce that. I’m not going to use Tumblr at all at work (including on my breaks) or when I’m with my friends, and I’m just generally going to spend less time online. This will make me slower to respond to people, which is something that has always caused me anxiety, but I feel that it is imperative for my wellbeing that I do not let Tumblr become all encompassing again.

4. Scrapping ocs. Look, if we’re talking about things that have gotten out of hand, we all know that this is at the top of the list. Obviously I have a lot of ideas, and I don’t regret that, but there are so many that I know I’ll never ever use. Plot bunnies that I just don’t care about, times that I went “oh that would be cool” but had no real ideas, fcs that I wanted to use just for the sake of using them, fandoms I’m no longer into… there are a lot of reasons that they exist, but it only adds to my feeling overwhelmed and burning everyone else out. So, I went through all of my masterlists and made lists of ocs to scrap. Some will just be completely deleted (I won’t rule out the possibility of getting reinspired, but I think it’s unlikely), while others will be put on hiatus.

The ones that I’m getting rid of will be removed from all of my masterlists (maybe one day I’ll look at making a plot bunny book/auction so that they don’t go completely to waste and other people can use them), and the ones being put on hiatus will be deleted from my mobile master lists and marked as Inactive on my desktop masterlists. Those are ones that I feel more likely to eventually want to go back to, hence not deleting them completely, but that I’m unlikely to work on in the near future. I think that it will be good for me to get used to the idea that not every oc needs to be forever, as that has been an ongoing source of difficulty for me for quite some time.

(my mobile masterlists are already updated accordingly and I have the codes ready for my desktop masterlists, I’m just waiting to have javascript enabled — but I also plan to go back through masterlists regularly to see if, with time, there aren’t more ocs that I’m ready to table)

5. Communication. I’m going to be honest here, I know that I’m prone to being stubborn and self righteous and that I lash out when I feel cornered or attacked. It’s a part of who I am and it’s something that I’ve been working on for a long time, but that doesn’t mean that I’m perfect at it. So, basically, this is something that I’m going to keep working on. And that means setting some boundaries. First and foremost, I will not be engaging with any hateful anons. If you have something to say to me, put your name behind it. And with that, I will not be engaging in serious conversations through asks. I just don’t think that the format is good for real conversations – my DMs are open and I’m always happy to share my discord, but that will be it. And I know that not everyone will like this choice. I think asks are great for a lot of things, and they can be a great place for chit chat, but I don’t think that it’s suited to important conversations.

I’m also going to connect this with my being less available – I’m not looking to ignore messages, but I’m not online 24/7, and I will respond when I have time. I might also need to take time to think about things. In these situations, when I am online and see the message, I will acknowledge them. It might be as simple as “hey, I’m not ignoring you but I only have a few minutes, I’ll get back to you when I have time to talk!” or (one I do wish I’d used in the past) “feeling [hurt/angry/surprised/etc], let me take a day/two days to think about this so that I can chat with a clear head”. I know that the second one likely seems like a copout, but like I said, I get mean when I feel defensive, and the best way for me to manage that is to take a step back and actually think about what someone is saying, that way I’m almost guaranteed to be able to think clearly and see their perspective instead of lashing out. I’m hoping to eventually reach a point where I can do that without needing the extra time, but I’m not there yet and I would rather take time than hurt anyone.

6. Accountability. This is kind of a continuation of the last point, but I felt like it was time for a paragraph break. Like I said, I’m not unaware of my flaws, and I know that just because I never meant to hurt people doesn’t mean that I never did. But I want to do better, and that means taking accountability for my actions. So, this is an invitation, I guess? If I have hurt you (or if I do in the future, no matter how hard I’ll try not to), please feel free to reach out to me to talk things through. I know that I already said this, but I’m working on taking a step back and considering my actions before simply lashing out, and I know that there is existing baggage to unpack and work to be done in that regard, and for people who would like to, the offer stands. However, I’m not going to reach out to anyone myself at this point. I know that I’ve hurt people and I know that there are people who, by this point, would prefer to simply have nothing to do with me, and I don’t want to disregard anyone’s boundaries who have moved on and don’t want to unpack old wounds. While there are many people that I miss and would love to fix things with, it’s not just about me and I want to respect everyone’s choice on what’s best for them to move forward. But with all of that, I am not going to discuss things with third parties. Anyone who would like to discuss general hurts or concerns is more than welcome of course, but anything that has happened between myself and any specific person is something that is exclusively between me and them. I know that this will be an unpopular take, but I have limited faith in the third party side of things now. Over the years I have received asks and messages from supposed well-meaning bystanders trying to bring up conflicts that don’t exist.

There have been some that try to cause drama with people who I knew didn’t feel certain ways, bringing up “issues” that had long since been talked out, and many other instances where people were clearly just trying to start fights that I don’t wish to fuel. I also just don’t want to talk about people behind their backs. Over the years (and not just relating to Tumblr) I have gotten caught up in friend groups where a lot of time is spent complaining about other people, only to then look back and realize that I have no idea what someone else’s relationship with them is – I don’t want to let other people’s anger and resentment serve as a fuel to my own pettiness anymore, and I believe that the first step to that is to simply not talk about anyone with other people. There are still people that I want to reach out to individually to apologize and (only if they’re willing) talk things out, but I won’t be doing that immediately. Just because I’ve had the past several months to reflect on how I’d feel and what I’d like to say, and to mentally prepare for a return to tumblr, doesn’t mean that everyone else has too. Which isn't to say that I won't ever reach out to anyone but I'd rather give people a bit of time too. Just because I'm ready (or ready ish) to be back on tumblr doesn't mean that everyone is going to be ready or want to talk to me and I don't want to make anyone feel cornered or pressured to reply if they either want time to think about my post themselves or just want to move on and leave everything in the past, so I’ve made a personal timeline (shared with a friend to maintain some accountability to it) so that I can give people a chance to actually know that I’m back online and to think (if they’d like) about this post rather than reaching out when people might not even know that I’ve returned at the risk of catching people off guard or making them feel uncomfortable and/or cornered.

With this, I’m also offering this list as an outline of how I’m hoping to improve. If anyone has constructive suggestions (I know I’m hardly the only person who’s ever struggled with various aspects of Tumblr and engaging in this community), please feel free to send them over (privately or as asks or on anon, whatever works for you!) and while I can’t guarantee that everything will be right for me, I will absolutely give them consideration. And, too, with this list as a bit of a guide, if you notice that I’m starting to stray from this or fall into old behaviours or fuck up in any way – I’m hoping not to but it would be beyond conceited to pretend that I’m incapable of mistakes – please feel free to let me know! All that I can do is try to be better, but I’m not infallible and the best way to do this is to catch onto toxic patterns before I can spiral, and help in that regard is always appreciated

7. Following. Relating to one of the points that I made in the last paragraph, I’m not going to go back and start following everyone right now. As I mentioned much earlier, I feel that my decision to unfollow everyone and leave Tumblr with no warning was rash and not entirely thought out, but it did happen, and it did hurt people. I don’t want to just act like nothing ever happened and everything is hunky dory, and I’m sure that there are people that I previously followed who would prefer to have nothing to do with me anymore. I respect that and I’m not looking to force anyone into rekindling friendships that they no longer want, but that does mean that to avoid that, I’m going to be careful with following. I don’t know how to phrase it in a way that doesn’t sound petty or selfish but basically like, at least for now (at until I’ve been able to talk to people who want to talk), I’m only going to be following people who are either following me, engaging with my content, or who I’ve talked to. I don’t know how best to gauge this in the long term, but for now that’s kind of the only benchmark I have to know who might be comfortable with my presence, and I’d rather be very slow and careful about this than make anyone uncomfortable who doesn’t want me following

I can’t promise that this is the perfect recipe. I won’t know without trying. But I am going to try. Not only do I want to actually be able to enjoy Tumblr again, but I hate knowing that I hurt people that I really really care about because I was careless and too stubborn to consider that I should change. So, I’m going to do my best to stick with these changes and to let myself be held accountable when I fuck up. And it might not work, I might find that this is all great in theory but returning to Tumblr pulls me back into toxic mindsets and behaviours, in which case I will need to take another step back and reconsider again. But I do promise that if that happens, I will stick to my communication goals and inform people of my decision instead of simply ghosting again.

Again, I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t make up for anything that’s happened and I can never say it again, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t need and deserve to be said. I’m sorry.

(and a sorry to everyone I’ve ignored over the past several months, I’m going to start working on getting back to people asap!)

#okay to reblog #(but not conversing in replies / reblogs)

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farmerlesbian · 1 year

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4,7,14🩷

not sure which one you want me to do so so here's both!

Pride asks for fun:

4. Are you “out” to your family and friends? yes haha

7. Are you the “token” queer person in your family? already answered

14. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity? already answered

-- LESBIAN ASKS: the SHE-QUEL (messy edition?)

4. Do you fall in love easily? that's a hard question. I don't think so... i have a hard time trusting people. idk how to define what being in love is vs when im just really liking someone or having a good time.

7. Have you ever fallen for a straight girl? I don't think so. I can't recall that ever happening for me!

14. Tell me about your significant other. Now’s your time to gush. ahaha i feel like i just did that here .. but i can talk about her MORE!!

well she is the prettiest person she is just stunning .. everything about her is just stunning she is so hot. in the recent months she has made a career move to join the trades and i am so so proud of her. any day now the union will finish the paperwork and she'll start work. she got so many awards and recognition at her pre-apprenticeship graduation and the company sponsors really noticed and are like YO when can we hire you. i'm so excited for her to start work an day now! we have had a really rough past year and she has stayed so strong throughout. she has gotten so good at bowling since she picked it up like a year and a half ago and it's very lovely going with her and hanging out with the folks in her league. she has been very helpful, i have been feeling overwhelmed and she helped me out by making a bunch of calls for me and making appointments which was so helpful. she has been doing some gender exploration stuff recently too that i won't get into but i am very proud of her for that. and also how far she has come with supporting me in my gender stuff! also she is so grounding and down to earth and no nonsense she keeps me centered. i appreciate that she doesn't have internet brainworms (i do) so she keeps me grounded. she has also taught me so much just about like social issues. also she is so good at flavors and scents, like so good at cooking and also with her perfumes/colognes/"smell-me-goods" as she calls them. i just trust her so much and feel so comfortable with her. she is my home.

send asks / #ask farmer lesbian

#ask farmer lesbian #mod alfalfa #anonymous

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cordialcalliope · 1 year

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my blog is three years old today or something im not sure I looked at the message for two seconds and started writing this. anyways

i took a nap for forty minutes and had the weirdest fuxking dream. the spiders were back (what a surprise) and a man who sounded distinctly like jonathan sims was arguing with them about the possibilities of the universe and then the spiders Converted him. im not sure what they converted him to but they kept repeating that they converted him and he started glowing like he was radioactive and the spiders came together to form a weird-ass humanoid being. made of thousands of spiders. they like led jonathan sims around and had him walk up to people and those people would just drop dead instantly, and their bodies would freeze up?? which doesn’t make any sense but whatever dream logic . anyways. after they stopped killing people we went up this tower which led to a massive ass hole in the universe and the spiders started jumping through it and told us to follow. i did not want to but jonathan sims threatened my partner and then pushed me in anyway?? the spiders were very annoyed but they were also happy because they were feeding off my fear or something. normal spider things. the hole lead to a planet that i know is a REAL planet because i have a massive hyperfixation on space but i can’t remember the name. this point in the dream is where i begin to understand i am dreaming and jonathan sims tells the spiders that i’m aware now? the spiders then wrapped my entire body in their silk and kept repeating a bunch of stuff in hungarian which i understood (i don’t speak hungarian.) about cows and sacrifices and keys to the universe?? (I asked a friend who understood Hungarian about some of the words I heard and he was like. Haha lol that’s right how did you know that, did you use Google translate etc etc, and i went . no I heard them in my dream. And he looked straight into the camera and laughed (we were on a video call) ) and then jonathan sims blasted me with his radioactivity and told me it was pride month and i died but like . I didn’t wake up yet

i was in this weird purgatory place with some guy who had a fucked up voice that was similar to michael’s from tma but it was distinctly Not Michael bc he 1) was not british and 2) did not sound anything similar to michael’s voice actor. he was american and asked me a bunch of questions about what it was like to have met jonathan sims in person. i told him i wanted to kill him a bit and then the guy started to melt and let out these really awful screams that sounded like . if you could imagine what a black hole sounds like with a billion fluorescent lights dying out and being sucked into it ?? with some echoey qualities that are guaranteed to make your ears bleed . That would be the sound. and then i got consumed by the All-Seeing-Many-Eyed-Elongated-Soul-Devouring god that the guy said he mentioned earlier but actually didn’t (this name was beamed into my head like a radio signal being picked up after moving slightly to the right with your device) and i woke up after i watched the guy i was with die

it felt really long even though I was only asleep for forty minutes. my brain worked overtime to produce all that shit. idont understand where half of the material was sourced from

i am so sick of the spiders

anyway blog birthday woohoo confetti confetti yay

#I am not clinically insane i just have stupidly vivid dreams #mainly about spiders #spiders mention #jonathan sims tma #dreams #like really weird dreams #im sick of spiders #i forgot to mention but jonathan sims’ face was also super clear. It was so vivid

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the-firebird69 · 2 years

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The name of the company is yum yum and they own probably 50% of almost all known

Huge numbers of people want to find out it's taken over yeah Terry cheesman is out front and trying to send an ash over to our son's new bags. A bunch of ladies little ladies

Someone got him to finally move that doesn't mean much so going to take him down just for that

If you counted all the subsidiaries which were taking over today as well the company would be 3/4 of the world's fast food restaurants Matt figured it out from almost that alone and you have to do the food production and distribution and everyone started fighting him and bja got beating beaten up and he called other people and Matt came in and started beating up Trump and the foreigners and it still wasn't enough now everybody is beating him up and he's losing his areas are getting annihilated people going in there with big guns and blowing the hell out of them I'm pretty soon there won't be any of them left by the time the Bronx tale movie comes up he's going to be very small and they're going in this area and cleaning out the rest of them that's only in a couple days judging by what we have since the schedule

On top of yum yum we're taking in the subsiduators we're taking over several other companies that are pretty good sized but the restaurant change they do a lot of business but not as much as fast food and not nearly as much dollar value but they do have staple food products that they sell which they plan to contaminate they still plan to from the other side they say and they say we're not used to it which is ridiculous that's where we started. And we have most of them in no about half we took the outback restaurant Chili's of course even though it's closed we're going to reopen it TGI Fridays oh Ruby's is part of yum yum and they hated him and they still hate him in and out is too and they hate him cuz he started ruining the product it started fighting him they're beat up pretty bad and it's still around and they're going after him cuz they want to run the stores and we're walking them back we have all their stuff too your pictures of them managers of the month and of the year and we're going to put them in protective covers a lot of them are bja about half the other half for Max and they had pride in it we like that it's their food it's their people and we're going ahead and hiring them back just like we did White Castle and point at least slaughter these idiot Trump said that place

Some more big companies that we're going after and taking today when is an industrial complex and it is a giant one it's

*Getty oil, and we're going to take a lot of stock and barrel and we're emptying out all of the employees today every single one of them it's going to be a huge tidal wave moments by the way that's going to wipe out all of the rigs in the ocean and we are going to make sure people who insist on doing stupid things pay for it. It's going to be a hard day for a lot of people it's one of his kids still a loser and getting oil is giant okay it's half the Earth's oil production and half of the gasoline and it is supply most of the jet fuel they're taking over all the distribution to all the airports and we're going to take over most of the airports there's a couple more and they're fairly day

*a gigantic firm it is huge and it has to do with investments and we have to take it over because they have all the investment money of a lot of people's and it's tied up and people going to lose it if they don't have it under our portfolio because we want to use the money to shore up society so it doesn't collapse. It's t Rowe Price they're taking it over Lock stock and barrel and when we kick their people out they don't really make it because they have big mouths we arrest them and they haul them off and they go away and they don't come back. And the idiots outside saying is it cheesy enough I said well cops are looking for people who are cheesy looking yeah that's CMO and the other one sleazy cheesy and sleazy we going after you and he's not in his head because he's a ridiculous idiot more in a minute

Thor Freya

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snowrobin-133 · 2 years

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So I saw the ‘MC is as strong as Mallus in magic’ but how about the Dorm Leaders react to an MC that is unassuming but is ACTUALLY a master of multiple different martial arts style? Literally able to pin someone down that is twice their size but will only do it in self defence?

Sorry that this is like almost 6 months late. I’m not really physically strong myself so I wasn’t sure how to go about this, and as such procrastinated. Didn’t help that I’m lacking motivation for writing.

As such, this is probably gonna be my last request. If the fandoms I’m in are still active sometime in the future then I might open it back up, but for now I kinda just want to focus on my art and school. I'll probably post drabbles and other stories but not rlly often. As such I hope you guys will go support my art, as well as my WEBTOON The Astral Legacy (sorry not sorry for the shameless self-advertising lol)!

Thank you all for the support of my writing!

Riddle Rosehearts

Rather impressed! And somewhat envious, as he’s not very physically strong

Seeing you take down opponents one by one makes him awe-inspired and somewhat terrified

Sometimes if you take down someone that’s far bigger than you, he puffs out his chest in pride (smol children unite 🤩👊)

He would maybe consider asking you to teach him some moves but decides against it as he thinks about his own strength

Besides, he can just use magic to defend himself!

Definitely respects you though and is somewhat scared and enjoys watching you do your thing!

Leona Kingscholar

Savanaclaw is known for being good at martial arts and stuff so Leona doesn’t bat an eye when he learns you know martial arts

But then he learns you know a bunch of martial art styles, and is a master at all of them!!

Although he tries to play it cool

He’s like “Ight I see you herbivore”

To be honest it doesn’t change much about how he treats you

He just lets you take care of things yourself most of the time

Leona likes that you’re essentially a martial arts master but in the end he’ll still see you as a little herbivore

Azul Ashengrotto

Impressed and envious #2!

Despite being relatively strong due to his tentacles, it’s usually only apparent in his merform rather than as a human

As such, he’s about as physically weak as Riddle (RIP)

definitely considered using your strength as the collateral for your contract but decided that Ramshackle Dorm is more useful lolol

Even so, he respects your strength and definitely wishes that he could have it for himself

Sadly he likely won’t be able to get you to sign a contract for it so I’m afraid he must remain as a sad little octopus suffering as a human rip

Kalim Al-Asim

IN AWE AND IS ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE

He would crowd you with several questions, even asking you to teach him some moves!

He may even ask you to show off your skills at his parties!

He probably compares your skills to his dancing and in exchange for you teaching him some martial arts, he’ll teach you dancing!

Now whether that teaching goes well is up to you and how much he’ll be able to restrain himself

He’s basically just super impressed and super excited about having such a strong and impressive friend by his side!

Vil Schoenheit

He’s somewhat hesitant when he found out you were a master at martial arts

Indeed it’s quite impressive but what if you act like a burly guy because of your martial arts!! (Sorry I’m not sure how to word this it’s like 3am)

This cannot do!

Very humorous moments as he scolds you on how to mix your physical powers with your appearance

you can either listen to this or ignore it if you’re willing to face his unique magic head on 🫡

Even so, he respects your diligence and skills at becoming a martial arts master, even if he doesn’t show it or voices it out loud

Idia Shroud

Terrified

He is terrified

You’re so strong, so intimidating, but also kinda cool

You remind him of OP main characters from some of the animes he’s watched

He also doesn’t understand how you can be that strong

Did you cheat? He is unable to comprehend-

He would probably stay away with you, being most comfortable by hiding behind his tablet when speaking to you, as he doesn’t want to risk angering you on accident and being faced with your wrath head on

Malleus Draconia

You’re just like Lilia! He’s extremely strong in martial arts just like you!

Of course Malleus himself is just as impressive, but hearing of your mastery makes him think of Lillia

He’s actually rather amused because for him, your martial art skills are basically like you being a bug to his skills in magic and whatnot

Even so, he respects how you spent so much of your life mastering so many different types of martial arts! Especially considering how short a human’s life is compared to a fae’s!

He may consider dueling you some time, although he will probably refrain from it as he doesn’t want to hurt you 😞

He doesn’t really think of you any differently but he certainly appreciates your skills in several martial arts

Sorry that these are relatively short, like I said, I wasn’t really sure how to go about this request. Even so, I hope this was to your liking!!

Again, thank you all for any support you have given me for my writing!!

#twisted wonderland headcanons #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #riddle rosehearts #azul ashengrotto #leona kingscholar #kalim al asim #vil shoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #twst #twst headcanons

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matryosika · 3 years

Text

반역 (betrayal)

pairing – bang chan, hyunjin x reader

word count – 7.2k

warnings – brat!reader, degradation, dirty talk, kind of forced submission, masturbation (f), blowjob/deepthroat, slight knife play, impact play, use of toys (ropes, wand and nipple clamps), double penetration, unprotected sex, body cumshot.

notes – this is a 1000 follower special, so i really hope you all like it. i haven't read this but i am uploading it anyways because i am getting ready to go to bed. please remember that english is not my first language and if there are grammar mistakes i'll make sure to correct them in a few minutes. thank you so much for reading my stuff, and thank you so much for 1000 followers in less than 4 months. it really means a lot. if you like this, or any of my work, please leave an encouraging message on my ask. also, i have a ko-fi! if you want (and are able to) please leave me a tip. it would help me to buy my college books and it would be very very much appreciated!

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a “congratulations, y/n” followed by a bunch of applause was the last thing you heard before your mind drifted completely into oblivion, celebrating internally as you managed to keep a relaxed demeanor in front of your boss and your co-workers.

the meeting, which lasted for barely 30 minutes, felt like a whole eternity. your heart kept on pounding with excitement, your sweaty hands kept on clenching to your leather purse and both of your legs spent the entire time fidgeting, anticipating the most important verdict of your whole career.

congratulations and promotion, those were the words you were looking forward to the most ever since one of your co-workers told you that Mr. Hwang, koisra’s CEO, was starting to evaluate every analyst on the market’s research area to promote it, since the head of the department was about to retire soon.

not in a million years you imagined you would be standing there, in one of the top consulting firms in south korea, getting a promotion and winning 7,700,000 KRW per month for doing the work you enjoyed the most.

well, doing the work you loved most and pulling some strings, like every thinking human being would do.

[6:42 p.m., Hwang Hyunjin]

meet me at the signiel tonight

we must celebrate, isn’t that right?

the way your phone vibrated against your hand shook you out of your trail of thoughts, lowering your gaze just a little to read the message resting on your home screen: meet me at the signiel tonight. the signiel, probably one of the most expensive hotels around seoul and hyunjin’s favorite place to de-stress. you knew him for long enough to know what his definition of celebration was, but you truly couldn’t be mad about it. not when he was a crucial factor in Hwang’s decision to promote you.

instead of replying, you looked for his gaze around the meeting room. sitting across the other side of the table, both of his eyes were already fixed on you, a proud smirk faintly raising on the corner of his lips while his eyes gave you a compassionate look.

hwang hyunjin, the head-director of the partners identification area and your favorite worst nightmare. you had always thought that he earned his position because of the power his last name held but, once you met him, you understood that he deserved it. smart, witty, hard-working and a bastard with a god-complex, he always ended up having things his way.

and that included you. partly.

partly because he took an effort in seducing you. and partly because the decision of falling into his temptation was actually yours. it was not really something you would take pride in, really, but sometimes ulterior motives are what really moves people to do something. like my mother used to say, work smarter, not harder.

however, as much as your initial motive was far from why you were still with him now, you couldn’t deny that hyunjin was probably the man of many people’s dreams. yours included.

“that would be it for today, we will see each other next friday as usual” mr. hwang announced, interrupting the eye-contact between you and hyunjin who was now standing up from his seat in order to leave the meeting room. you ran both of your hands against your skirt to straighten it before standing up, the excitement of the promotion mixed with hyunjin’s promised night made your heart throb in anticipation, a warm familiar sensation traveling throughout your whole body.

but that cozy feeling disappeared in a matter of seconds when another set of eyes darted you a cold gaze from across the room, making you feel almost powerless. even if you wanted to look away, his intimidating presence made you look at him for a few seconds, your whole body trembling inside at such an infuriating look.

you wouldn’t really consider breaking up with chan a mistake because that was a decisive moment in you working towards getting that promotion for yourself, but you also couldn’t deny the fact that your heart melted in nostalgia every time you looked at him. he was a good partner, caring, hard-working, smart and patient.

but as hard as you loved him, you never really saw a future in him.

he left the meeting room without saying anything, not even a smile or his characteristic faint smirk he used to give you before, when you achieved something you worked for. as much as that action made your heart sank, you swallowed hard and left the meeting room, trying to focus your mind on the excitement behind the promotion or on the plans you had for the night.

“y/n, hey!” moon-ji, one of the interns of the company, who was also a research analyst like you, reached out to you as soon as she saw you leaving the meeting, “congratulations on your promotion!”

“thank you, moon-ji” you replied, giving her a soft smile and slightly touching her shoulder.

“i was planning on giving you some flowers as a gift for your promotion and as a sign of gratitude for everything you have teached me, but it seems like someone already stole my idea” she joked, letting out a soft laugh.

“flowers?” you asked her confused, looking over at the desk you had occupied for the last 2 consecutive years. and there it was, sitting on top of various work-sheets, probably the most expensive flower arrangement you had ever seen in your entire life. however, as soon as you read the white gift-card resting on top of a bunch of roses, you inevitably gulped.

“the secret of success is perseverance. congratulations on your promotion, beautiful.

to y/n, from hwang hyunjin and bang chan.”

the smile that once was settled in your face faded away after reading the last words, your pair of curious eyes dancing around the whole lobby trying to catch a glimpse of either hyunjin or chan, but they were nowhere to be found.

reading both of their names together on a gift meant for you made your heart beat a hundred times faster than before.

maybe you wouldn’t have reacted this way if only hyunjin and chan weren’t enemies to death.

even though you had been living in korea for a while now, you just couldn’t get used to the expensive life-style people carried in seoul. no matter how many times you had walked those streets or ate at those restaurants, it always shocked you how expensive everything looked to the point that you almost always ended up feeling out of place. nonetheless, you couldn’t deny how much you loved everything about the city.

“i have a reservation,” you mumbled as you approached the reception of the hotel “under the name of Hwang Hyunjin”.

the young lady behind the counter gave you a courtesy smile and proceeded to dive into the computer in front of her, clicking the keyboard as her eyes danced from one side to another. “i have the reservation here,” she indicated “but mr. hwang has not arrived to the hotel yet”.

“oh” you cooed, “i’ll just wait for him here in the lob-”

“actually,” the lady interrupted, her gaze going over the rounded pair of glasses she was wearing, “the room he booked is also under the name of bang chan, are you accompanying them?”

“bang chan?” you muttered, almost inaudible for the lady behind the counter but crystal clear for the person who was standing right behind you.

“that would be me” he intervened, one of his hands resting on your lower back as the other one leaned on to receive the card to the hotel room. “mr. hwang had a setback but he will be joining us soon”.

the lady frowned once she caught a glimpse of the terror engraved in your face and, almost instinctively, her eyes immediately went over chan. without prying any further, she handed chan a red card that was meant for the door of the hotel room, “signiel seoul hotel hopes that your stay is pleasant enough for you to come back, please enjoy the night”.

and even though she might’ve had a ton of questions about the odd situation, she kept them to herself. when it came to powerful people, or people with influence, it was better to stay quiet than to ask any questions that they didn’t feel like addressing.

“start walking” chan whispered in your ear right after he saved the card in the pocket of his black pants, the hand that was resting on your lower back pushing you ever so slightly as a way of encouraging you to do what he commanded.

“first the flower arrangement and now this?” you questioned in a whisper, trying not to draw any attention of the people gathered around the lobby or the hotel staff, “can you explain me what the fuck is going on?”

“shut up and keep on walking, y/n” he mumbled without even looking at you, his jaw completely clenched as he guided you all the way to the hotel’s elevator, “you don’t want to cause a scene here, do you?”.

luckily (or unlucky) for you, the elevator filled up with at least 6 other people, leaving no empty room for you and chan to have a talk. however, that only exempted you from having a not-so-pleasant conversation for just a few minutes.

[9:12 p.m., Hwang Hyunjin]

did you like the flowers i bought you?

they are pretty, right?

something came up but i’m on my way now.

suddenly, the whole elevator felt way smaller than it actually was. the few people gathered there felt like a whole crowd, your body starting to sweat almost immediately as soon as you read his messages and you found chan’s gaze fixed on you. you knew both of them –and you knew they would never do anything to harm you–, but still, it was impossible for you not to be afraid of whatever it was that was going on between the two of them.

and just when you thought the whole room ran out of oxygen, the doors of the elevator opened.

“room 9097” chan mumbled really close to your ear before pushing your lower back again, signaling you to start walking. and, as astonished as you were, you did.

oh, how you wanted to win the endless battle against your mind, but as soon as you heard chan’s deep voice right next to you or felt his warm touch on your skin, you couldn’t help but bring back the best memories you treasured of him.

as you walked down the long hall, with each step you were drawing yourself further and further from the people that were gathered once in the elevator, leaving behind the bustle and crowded atmosphere only for it to be replaced with the coldness and overwhelming presence of chan. being around him was nothing new, since you two worked together under the same company, but it had been a while since the last time your body found this close to his.

his figure overcame yours as he took the red card to open the door of the hotel room, your eyes fixing on the numbers that were engraved with blank ink in the middle of it. “after you” he mumbled, opening the door for you.

he will never lose his charm.

“make yourself comfortable,” he added, closing the door right after he got in “not that i need to say that, since you come here every once in a while with hyunjin, right?”

“what is this about, chan?” you bluntly asked, laying your purse next to the night stand. he was right, though, you had been at least 5 times at that hotel and that was a very low number for the countless times you remembered.

“i can’t congratulate you for your promotion?” he asked, mocking pain in his words as he drawed a chair to sit right in front of you with both of his legs spreaded.

“since when you and hyunjin are friends?” you questioned him, taking a sit on the edge of the bed right in front of where the chair was positioned. “last time i checked, he wasn’t too fond of you and you hated him with a passion”.

“turns out that, at the end of the day, we had more things in common than we thought we had”. he explained stretching his body on his seat. as hard as you tried to avoid looking at him, you couldn’t help but end up fixing your gaze on the pair of veiny hands that were resting on his knees. those hands that made you see heaven and hell, both at the same time. “you haven’t changed at all” he mocked, his eyes trailing your gaze’s path all the way to his body.

“it hasn’t been that long” you replied coldly, crossing one of your legs on top of the other, “don’t act like you don’t see me on a daily basis”.

“i wish i didn’t,” he added, his gaze fixing on your legs and the hems of your dress without shame, “it would save me a ton of anger”.

“are you still bitter about us breaking up?” you teased, letting out a faint laugh as you rested your body’s weight on your forearms, “i told you i wanted to focus on my career and i did”.

“do you really take pride on getting a promotion for fucking the CEO’s nephew?” he questioned, both his eyes giving you a threatening look, “that’s low, even for a slut like you”.

“a slut like me?” you counter-attacked, trying to maintain your composure even after the words that came out of his mouth stinged your pride, “you never complained about it when we were together, dare i say you loved it”.

“that was back then,” the dark-haired spoke, “when i had something that no one else had”.

“i’m not an object, chan” you fired back, trying to keep up with his intimidating aura.

“you never complained about me treating you that way in bed when we were together, dare i say you loved it” he hissed, using the same words you did just mere seconds ago.

and before you could respond to him anything, the door of the room opened.

there he was, hyunjin, wearing the same black suit he had at the meeting with his long dark hair loose, holding a leather bag of the same color as his clothing.

you stood up from the edge of the bed and walked towards him, the amount of intense emotions threatening to explode right in front of his face. “can you explain me what the fu-” and without leaving you any more time to finish that sentence, he took a fistful of your hair and pulled it harshly, making you kneel right in front of him.

“shhhhhhhh,” he hummed, his characteristic playful smirk making an appearance in no time, “i brought you here to listen, not to talk”.

chan stood up from the chair and walked towards hyunjin, the two of them looking down at you while you struggled to find a comfortable position to ease the pain provided by hyunjin’s grip on your hair. “i don’t know what twisted thing is going on in both of your minds” you hissed, making eye contact with one and then another, "but i truly have no interest in knowing”.

“are you sure?” hyunjin questioned, mocking a sweet tone in his voice as he leaned down to be eye-level with you. “you don’t even want to know the story behind my newest friendship, beautiful?”

you looked at him in awe for a couple of silent seconds, your eyes threatening to start watering from the pain inflicted on your scalp as hyunjin’s grip got harsher and harsher with time. “i’m going to tell you, anyways.” he added with a smile while chan leaned down to open the leather bag.

and just when you thought the evening couldn’t get any weirder, you identified a lot of the things inside of the black leather.

things that both hyunjin and chan had used on you in the bedroom.

“i thought it was going to be way harder to get my way with you, you know?” hyunjin questioned, his available hand caressing your cheek with gracefulness as chan managed one of the things inside of the bag, “i thought it would take a lot of effort to have someone as intelligent and attractive as you are with me”, he continued his dark gaze making your whole body tremble under the warm touch of his hand, “but turns out, i had you for me since the very first day you started to work towards that promotion, isn’t that right?”

you knew where this was going, and to be honest, you were not quite sure if you were ready.

“i knew my last name was powerful enough to be respected, but i never knew it was all i needed to have you begging on your knees for me”.

“my bad” you mumbled with a faint smirk dawning on your face, “i should’ve been clear about my intentions before sleeping with you”.

“see, that’s the part i pity the most,” hyunjin rambled, looking over at chan’s maneuvers, “you didn’t really need me to have that promotion”.

chan’s figured moved towards your back, kneeling behind you as he grabbed both of your arms and settled them behind your back. you knew what was going to happen, but you had no intention to fight it.

not when your soul was ablazing for it to continue.

“my uncle was going to give you that promotion either way, your work is impressive” hyunjin mumbled, giving you a devilish smile, “too bad your neediness always get the best of you”.

“don’t act like you didn’t enjoy any of the nights we spent together, hyunjin” you counterattacked, wincing every time chan tightened the ropes around your wrists a bit too tight. “or do you want me to remind you how much you whined and begged for me?”

“tsk-” hyunjin clicked his tongue, “someone truly needs to fuck the brat out of you”.

“one should’ve thought you are just as dominant in bed as you are at work” you teased, trying to get the worst out of the long-haired, “but if only they knew how much of a pathetic needy man you are”.

“keep on talking” he whispered, tilting his head while never breaking eye-contact “and i assure you that you will regret it later”.

one last knot on the ropes tying your wrists and you couldn’t help but let out a faint cry, knowing that chan applied too much force on it on purpose. “she looks way better when that pretty mouth is put to good use” the short-haired mumbled, positioning himself right next to hyunjin who was now completely standing up.

“do you miss me already?” you teased chan, giving him a needy gaze on purpose to put him more on edge, “is that why you teamed up with hyunjin here? because you missed fucking me?”

“you never shut up, do you?” chan groaned, holding your hair with one hand while the other one unbuckled his belt and pants, your mouth watering from the sweet anticipation of getting something you fantasized with often. “the only time you are quiet is when you have your mouth full”.

you tried to resist his grip to make things even more fun, but he was always ten times more stronger than you were. and no matter how bratty you wanted to act, having his cock mere centimeters away from your lips made your cunt clench desperately around thin air “open your mouth”.

“make me” you teased, knowing that those words were like purchasing a ticket with no return.

chan cupped your cheeks and forced you to open your mouth, slamming his cock right into your warm hole while his hands moved from your cheeks to your hair, forcing you to swallow his whole length without giving you any time to adjust.

“look at her” hyunjin mumbled, taking a sharp black knife from the bag while he leaned on again to be on his knees in front of you, “always ready to take cock like the slut that she is”.

you gagged around chan’s length when you felt the sharp knife dragging along your dress, making cuts and ripping it off completely while hyunjin managed to undress you while having your hands tied up, “she knew she was getting fucked tonight, look at her”.

hyunjin dragged both of his hands along your body, making you tremble under his touch. the underwear you were wearing was almost transparent, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination, and so he was the first to notice how your nipples hardened every time chan forced himself into your mouth.

“i’ve been buying tons of toys i want to try with you” hyunjin admitted, his sweet gaze almost caressing your presence while you tried to keep on taking chan’s cock inside your mouth, “i talked to chan about it and we both bought you something… other than the flower arrangement, of course”.

right after finishing that sentence, chan’s cock withdrew from your mouth to give you an opportunity to open your eyes and catch some breath. you panted, an immense amount of drool escaping your lips and staining your underwear as well as hyunjin’s hands. “look at how much that pretty mouth of yours was watering to the thought of being filled with cock” hyunjin mumbled, “were you thinking about sucking his cock when you saw here at the hotel?”

you licked your lips without giving him a proper answer, your eyes scanning every single one of the movements he did. “isn’t this cute?” hyunjin asked, standing up completely and holding what looked like a chain in between his fingers, “chan picked the design specially for you, but it was my idea”.

“she is going to like it” chan assured, taking the chain between hyunjin’s hands and leaning on to put them on you “you’ve always said how good it feels right here”.

his hands lowered down your top underwear to reveal your breasts, the sight of your hardened buds making chan’s cock instantly throb. “it might hurt a little, but i know you will end up liking it” he mentioned, taking the chain and clenching both ends of it on each of your nipples. “does hyunjin know how much like pain, y/n?”

you hissed at the feeling of the nipple clamps, almost arching your back while you tried to breathe out the overwhelming feeling. however, not giving you any time to get used to the sweet pain, chan’s hand grabbed the middle of the chain and pulled it, making your whole body straigthen up in an instant. “fuck-”

“you gag, i pull” he ordered, “you make any sound, i pull, understood?”

“is this my punishment for hurting you both?” you asked, your glossy eyes making hyunjin’s cock beg for its release.

“think of it as a payback” hyunjin answered, “you had what you wanted and now we are both taking what we want”.

chan pulled from the chain again, making you cry. the sound, however, drowned immediately as soon as he pushed his cock back again your mouth again. hyunjin lost almost no time, unbuckling his pants and belt while chan fucked your mouth. and ever since then, they spent taking turns on shoving their cocks inside your warm hole, making you drool, gag and cry around their lengths every time they forced themselves in you.

“i wish you could see yourself, y/n” chan groaned with his jaw clenched, the sight of you eagerly bopping your head over his length while hyunjin’s cock brushed one side of your face waiting to be used could make him cum almost instantly, “your parents would be extremely disappointed if they saw what you are doing right now”.

you slightly withdrew from chan’s cock to take hyunjin’s length inside your mouth, making a mess on yourself in the process. “isn’t she pretty?” hyunjin asked, his head rolling slight back due to the feeling of your warm lips wrapping around him, “taking two cocks at the same time like the good slut that she is”.

“i bet she is soaking wet by just having her mouth fucked” chan grunted, his hand caressing your hair while your mouth did wonders on hyunjin’s cock, “maybe we should leave you like this, that way anyone who wanted to use you could have a go with you”.

you shook your head against hyunjin’s length, withdrawing from it while a string of saliva connected your mouth with his cock. nonetheless, you weren’t counting on the chain hanging on your breasts to be pulled. “did i told you i was done?” hyunjin asked, earning a painful whine out of you before resumed your task.

“there are so many things we both want to do with you” chan admitted, starting to unbutton his shirt, “one night is not going to be enough”.

his voice full of lust and the hidden promise behind his words made you squeeze your thighs together in an attempt to receive any kind of stimulation on your core. never in your life you thought you would’ve ended up being used by both your ex-boyfriend and your current partner, but the idea excited you maybe a little bit too much, to the point where all your inhibitions were completely wiped off from your consciousness.

after hyunjin’s cock left your lips, he untied the ropes for you to be able to take your underwear off, as well as to give you more freedom on your upper limbs. “how long have you been planning this?” you asked with a sore throat, your hitching breath and quick heartbeats making you feel almost dizzy.

“maybe we never hated each other like you thought we did” chan replied taking out a familiar device from the bag, “you are not the only one who knows how to lie around here, y/n”.

“let’s play a game, shall we?” hyunjin interrupted, his hands slightly pushing your back into the bed while chan handed him the wand vibrator that you knew too well, “for every sound you make, you get one spank” hyunjin explained with a devilish smirk, his cold gaze fixed on how pretty the nipple clamps looked on you, “and no matter how good we are making you feel, you are not allowed to cum”.

you looked at him and then at chan, which had a serious demeanor on him. chan knew your limits more than hyunjin did, but the both of them were just as fearless. chan wanted to push you to the edge because he always loved to see how you outdid yourself, but hyunjin just liked to push your limits because he was a fucking sadist. and you loved them both equally.

“what happens if i cum without permission?” you panted, opening both of your legs once you felt hyunjin’s hands forcing your thighs open.

“you don’t want to now, y/n” he smiled, turning on the wand and dragging it across your thigh.

it wasn’t even close to your core, but a rebellious moan still managed to escape your lips as soon as the toy touched your skin “that’s one”.

you rolled your back while your forearms rested your whole weight, repressing another painful cry when chan unexpectedly removed the nipple clamps from your breasts. “good girl” he praised in a mocking tone, peppering kisses on your reddened and sore buds.

“no moaning” hyunjin warned, pressing down the wand even more against your bundle of nerves. you arched your back against the bed, trying to hold your breath in order to avoid making any kind of sound.

“you’re such an obedient slut” chan groaned against your breasts, his tongue grazing around them avoiding the place where you needed him the most in purpose, “always ready to fucked, always ready to please anyone who is willing to give you even the slightest crumb of pleasure… you are the perfect fucktoy for us to use, you know that?”

you nodded with your eyes closed, your back still painfully arched as your body tried to get used to the sensations of the vibrator.

“you should see how desperate she gets at work” hyunjin intervened, looking at how much you struggled to keep your composure, “every time she tells me how much she needs to touch herself at the restrooms when i’m busy because she just can’t go a day without having a cock to fill her up”.

“is that right, y/n?” chan asked, dragging his finger over your sensitive nipples and making your whole body squirm under his touch, “i can imagine how pathetic you look inside of the bathroom stalls with both of your legs opened, your cunt dripping wet while you desperately try to get some release with those pretty hands of yours”.

and, once again, you couldn’t repress the moan that escaped your lips at his words.

“this is your second one” hyunjin announced, increasing the mode of the wand.

“you want to cum already,” chan whispered, “isn’t that right?”. you shook your head in despair, one of your hands covering your mouth while tears started to prick in the corner of your eyes. the stimulation provided by hyunjin, along with chan’s presence and words was everything you needed to cum.

but you also knew that if you did so, the fun was going to be over in a matter of seconds.

“just look at her” hyunjin spitted, one of his fingers brushing against the skin on your thighs, “her whole body is shaking and his cunt is throbbing, i bet she can’t even make a coherent sentence because she is already too fucked out to even think properly” hyunjin mocked, the sight of your pulsating pussy making his cock twitch, “she is ready to cum, too bad she doesn’t have any permission”.

you tried to close your legs around hyunjin’s hand, but he was faster to place one of his knees on top of your thigh to prevent that from happening, “i will not stop until you reach your breaking point, so keep your legs open for us, slut”.

“you can make all the noise you want now” chan mumbled as he gave a look to hyunjin “we at least want to hear how good you beg and whine for us”.

you gasped deeply as you cursed under your breath, a ton of incoherent words leaving your lips while you did your best to obey hyunjin’s rule.

“go ahead,” hyunjin grunted, licking his lips at the sight of your weak body still fighting the urges to cum, “degrade yourself and we’ll see if you deserve to cum”

you knew exactly what the both of them wanted, and you knew why they wanted it.

they wanted to see you touch rock bottom because they couldn’t bear the fact that you had use the both of them for your own pleasure. they wanted to see you getting humiliated because it was a way of paying them back for the things you got at their expense. but right now, being completely naked in a bed in front of them, your whole body anticipating for a sweet orgasm while their gazes were fixed on you and their cocks were aching to be inside you… you couldn’t care any less.

“i’m nothing but a filthy slut” you cried, your hips bucking against the toy hyunjin was holding against you, “i’m nothing but holes for the both of you to use when you please”.

a devilish smirk appeared on both of their faces, groaning instinctively at your words.

“i need you both to fuck me” you cried, coming out almost as a painful scream, “fuck- i don’t even care which holes you use, just please-please, pl-please fuck me, i’m nothing but a fucking cockslut”.

your hips kept on grinding against the wand, while both hyunjin and chan stroked their lengths at the delicious sight of your pathetic body practically begging to be used and fucked like an object.

“just because we can’t spent another second without fucking your holes-” hyunjin groaned, pressing the wand against your bundle of nerves even more, “you can cum. but don’t you dare to think for a second that we are done with you”.

and with those three heavenly words, you let out the filthiest moan the both of them had ever heard from you. one spasm after another, your whole body and legs started to shake almost uncontrollably on the bed, your back completely arched while your hands held the soft bed sheets harshly.

“that’s our good slut” chan praised, trying to hold down your body “you look so pathetic and dumb right now, y/n”.

hyunjin turned off the wand and left it aside,undressed himself and laid down on the bed grabbing the nipple clamps that chan left on the side. “i hope you enjoyed it” he muttered, settling himself down on his back while he signaled you to get on top, “because now it’s time for the punishment”.

your weak legs got on top of hyunjin, whining and crying everytime his cock grazed against your core, providing you even the slightest overstimulation.

“2 spanks, isn’t that right?” hyunjin asked with his head slightly tilted, “don’t you think you deserve more?”

“yes, hyunjin” you replied almost automatically, ready to say anything to have your way. and your way was having the both of them fucking you until you forget everything but their names.

“how many do you want?” he asked, “or how many do you think you deserve?”

“give her 20” chan ordered, putting himself right behind you, “and i’ll give her another 20”.

hyunjin licked his lips and forced your whole body to rest on top of him, one of his arms locking you against him while the other one caressed your asscheeks, “count for me, please”.

and so you did. one after another one, you recieved every spank while being bent over hyunjin’s body, feeling his cock hardening every time you let out a painful cry. you couldn’t see yourself, but you knew from experience that a bunch of bruises were going to be decorating your ass tomorrow.

“so pretty” chan groaned, looking at how red both of your asscheeks looked. during your relationship, he was never too fond of causing you any pain. however, that all changed once he saw your pretty body squirming under him every time you received the slightest bit of stimulation.

after giving you a few seconds to gain your composure, hyunjin’s cock was the first one to slam itself into you, earning a moan out of your swollen lips. “you are- so fucking tight” he groaned, clenching his jaw at the sensation of your walls hugging his length, “no wonder why you are always begging to be filled”.

you placed both of your hands on his chest while your head rolled slightly back, feeling the warm sensation of his cock inside you. hyunjin’s hands grabbed the nipple clamps again, and he lost no time into clenching them around your nipples again.

“you look so pretty in these” he groaned, feeling how your cunt throbbed every time he tightened the clamps, “i want to see how pathetic you look riding me with these hanging on from your breasts.”

you let out a faint cry once the clamps were completely hanging from you again, the sore feeling of earlier making its appearance as soon as you tried to move on top of him.

“you are going to ride both of our cocks at the same time” chan mumbled, your whole body trembling with anticipation at the feeling of his length brushing against your asshole. “so you better make us cum”.

you took a deep breath as you felt chan prudding into your tightest hole, the painful feeling being almost unbearable.

“sluts like you can take a cock on their asses” hyunjin groaned, feeling how every time you clenched harder and harder against him, “suck it up”.

your whole body fell down on hyunjin again, your forearms too weak for you to even hold yourself. “i can’t-”

“yes you can” chan interrupted, almost groaning at the feeling of your warm hole, “you had taken me many times before, this time it’s not going to be an exception”.

let out a cry again, feeling how he slammed his cock in and out of you in an attempt to get you used to it. and as much as you hated to admit it, it worked.

the painful feeling was long gone, only replaced with pleasure and the arousal of knowing that both of their cocks were inside you, begging for you to milk them completely.

“start riding us” hyunjin ordered while the tip of his fingers brushed against the gold chain in front of him, “you know how to make us cum, pretty good slut”.

with hard work, you managed to raise your body by resting the palm of your hands on hyunjin’s chest, your hips involuntarily grinding against both of them.

“faster” chan demanded, landing a spank on your sore ass, “prove us how much of a slut you truly are”.

and just as if your brain was controlled by each of their words, you started to move eagerly against them, ignoring the soreness of your whole body. the way the nipple clamps felt on your breasts everytime they bounced, the way hyunjin’s and chan’s cock filled you up just fine, chan’s filthy words and hyunjin’s penetrative gaze was everything you needed to reach your second orgasm.

but you needed to take your time, you needed to engrave this memory in your head because never in your life you had felt more pleasured than being submitted to them.

“come on, slut” hyunjin mumbled, one of his hand pulling the chain of the nipple clamps ever so slightly, “weren’t you bold a few minutes ago talking about how much i beg for you when you ride me?”

and just like a small spark ignited a big fire, his words caused that bratty part of you to come out once again. your hands that were once resting on his chest moved all the way to his neck, choking him just fine and using him as a support, riding both of their cocks while hyunjin’s smirk grew wider and wider.

“you say i can’t go a day without being filled up with a cock” you moaned, making sure to clench around both of them constantly, “but you can’t go a day without wanting to fill me up, we are the same”.

chan let out a groan at the scene and your words, grabbing your hips while he actively slammed his cock into you, making you cry and whine even louder than before.

“that doesn’t make you any less of a slut” hyunjin moaned in between broken words, his smile growing wider everytime you choked him harder. “a beautiful, filthy, cockslut that just wishes to be used as a sex toy every single fucking day”.

you continued on doing your task, choking hyunjin as the chain grazed over his pretty plumped lips. chan’s cock felt heavenly inside you, stretching your ass just fine, but it was the sinful noises coming out of his mouth what made you feel the most aroused.

and just when you thought you had found physical stability in your body, chan grabbed a fistful of your hair and forced your head back, making you arch your back while his eyes found yours.

“you are nothing but our filthy cock slut” he groaned, punding your ass at a rough pace, “you are meant to please us and only us, every time and at any hour of the day that we want. you are nothing but our dirty cute sex toy, always available for us to use and fuck whenever we feel like it”.

“yes, yes, yes, fuck-” you chanted, feeling your orgasm approaching every time a word came out of his lips.

“you look so pathetic right now, y/n” he moaned, his noises mixing up with hyunjin’s, “being stuffed by two cocks and degrading yourself… i wish you could see yourself”.

he let out of your hair making your whole body fall against hyunjin’s once again, chan picking up the pace of his thrusts while he, like hyunjin, desperately chased his high.

“fuck- i’m cuming” you anounced once again, hiding your face on the long-haired’s neck.

“cum all over our cocks” he groaned against your ear, feeling how the movement of your hips became sloppier by the minute, “prove us how much of a slut you are for us”.

and with those last words, your high washed over you once again. not without hyunjin’s hands finding your neck and choking you back as a way of revenge, looking at your pretty glossy eyes trying to keep themselves open while you reached the highest point of your orgasm, your moans and whines coming out broken as hyunjin restricted the flow of oxygen through your head.

“please-” you whined.

“please what?” chan groaned, gripping your hips harshly while he chased his own high.

“please- cum-”

“what do you want, pretty?” hyunjin panted, feeling the consequences of your high driving him almost insane.

“cum- inside” you managed to mumble, your incoherent and fucked out mind too busy trying to recover from the nerve wrecking orgasm to even attempt to talk.

“do you want us to cum inside you?” chan asked with fake sympathy.

“y-yes” you whispered, your eyes rolling to the back of your head while you tried to bear the overstimulation on your holes and nipples, “cum inside”.

“our pretty dumb slut can even form coherent words” hyunjin mocked, slightly slapping one of your cheeks. “too bad we don’t follow orders from fuck toys like you”.

and with that being said, both of them withdrew their cocks from inside you, leaving you without any physical support and laying you down on the bed as you tried to catch a glimpse of what was going on.

“please- not”

“aren’t you a cockslut?” chan questioned, stroking himself right on top of your body, “cock sluts don’t mind where they get the cum, right?”

“inside-”

“be grateful we even fucked you in the first place, y/n” hyunjin groaned, looking at your pretty fucked out face, “and be grateful that we are going to cum on your beautiful body”.

tears started streaming down your face once you realized that you were not going to get what you truly wanted, that being filled up with their cum on both of your holes.

you looked at the both of them stroking their lengths on top of your body, begging for them to cum on you over and over again.

and that’s what they did, painting your abdomen and breasts with their sticky arouse.

“this is the only thing you are good for” hyunjin whispered in your ear, looking at how good your body looked while being dirty, “and just know that we will continue on using you over and over again, because that’s what sluts like you want, isn’t that right?”.

and you, being too weak to even rethink your decision, nodded.

if only you knew, that this was merely the beginning of what was about to come.

#stray kids smut #skz smut #bang chan smut #chan smut #hyunjin smut #bang chan x reader #hyunjin x reader #stray kids angst #skz angst #kpop smut #stray kids imagines #stray kids oneshots #skz imagines #skz oneshots

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girlnextmorgue · 2 years

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Slender Mansion Room Headcanons (2/2)

NOTICE: This post is a reupload from my old Creepypasta fanfiction blog (now my main blog). If you've seen it before, that's probably because it was posted there first! I pinky promise that I'm not stealing anything, simply moving my old work here for organization purposes.

ORIGINALLY POSTED 8/29/21

slender mansion room hcs (2/2)

helloooo blog!!! this is part 2 of my room hcs because i get random bursts of inspiration very late at night

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Jane's room is just very like.. nice and organized. Band posters, neat shelving, nice matching furniture, soft carpet... she has it all! I think color scheme wise she keeps it black, just because she thinks it's a nice color and because it's very hard to stain. I don't think that her walls are black, since she sees that as too much of one color. I'd say she keeps them white or gray. From the few times that she's been on babysitting duty with Sally there are some drawings on the wall. Jane doesn't have the heart to scrub them off.

Clockwork's room is so cool ohmygod. Her walls are literally covered in art and sketchbook pages, like you can't tell what color the room is painted there's that much. She definitely is a bit of a hoarder, she steals/collects things she thinks are cool but she always manages to keep her room looking clean (even if she shoves laundry and other knickknacks under her bed or into her closet). And pride flags on the ceiling!! Trans and bisexual!!!! I also think she puts those glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling. AND there's no way she doesn't have one of those fun four-poster beds, I think it's so her to own one of those.

Nina's room is also one of my favorites to visualize!! She definitely has her walls painted a new bright color every other month (to match her hair.. you know that she dyes it) and she definitely collects a bunch of signs/pictures/posters and shit to put on her walls. She's the type to smear watercolor paints on a piece of paper and then stick it on her wall just because she wants to. Nina's also a bit of a hoarder!! She gets sentimentally attached to objects very easily so it's hard for her to let them go. She definitely has a ton of stuffed animals and clothes she doesn't like wearing anymore just because of the emotional attachment. And pictures!! There's no way she doesn't print photos of her and the other Pastas at the nearest Walgreens, it's such a Nina thing I know that she loves her friends.

EJ likes his room to be very comfortable and very clean. He doesn't keep any of his food in his room, because he knows it's messy and he doesn't want anything spilling or staining because human organs aside spilling food on your bed is really not a fun time. He keeps it dark because of the whole demon thing, but he does have lamps and stuff because he really does love to read and you need light to read (my jack is not blind!! he has really wack demon vision where its kinda wonky and monochrome..) He organizes his books really nicely, like how libraries do it by the last name of the author. He doesn't really like looking at himself so he keeps mirrors and stuff to a minimum, and his room is very dark like I said before. I do think he has a lot of candles to keep things smelling nice, because coming back smelling like literal death bothers him more than it might bother other residents of the mansion (ahem jeff).

LJ... he doesn't like, sleep, if that makes sense, and he spends a lot of his time away from the mansion, so his room is pretty bare.

Helen's room is very... well, it's very him, that's for sure. He paints his door (as i mentioned in my slender mansion ramble) and I like to think that he paints on his walls too. He uses the pieces he likes to hang around the mansion instead of on his walls, because if he looks at them too much he starts to hate him, and that will happen if he hangs them in his room. I personally think that his bed usually has some form of paint stains on it just because I know that he'd be up at odd hours of the night working on a piece and he'd just like.. pass out without bothering to change or take a shower which usually means his bed ends up needing to be stripped the next morning. His room is more likely than not littered with different types of art supplies most of the time. He usually keeps his curtains open and his easel sits by the window so he can get natural light during the day. He also has a lot of sketchbooks and unused canvases stacked up on the desk that he doesn't use (he sits on the floor).

Liu's room... He definitely has a lot of plants. They give him something to do during the day and he enjoys taking care of them and learning about them. I feel like he also has a ton of books, but mostly graphic novels and comics because he enjoyed them as a kid. So yeah, he's got DC and Marvel posters all over his walls to go with the plants and books. He definitely tries to keep his room comfortable because he enjoys hanging out with people, but for him, that means blankets and pillows and bean bag chairs littered across the floor. He also does put his laundry away, thank you very much. I also think he'd have a record player and some vinyl!! Nothing too fancy, just music he listened to in his dad's car as a kid, some stuff gifted to him from some of the other Pastas once they found out he was into that stuff, and some stuff he'd found out about on his own (whether that meant stealing from a house or ordering it online after finding something he liked on Spotify). Definitely one of the best and most comfortable rooms in the house.

#jane the killer #jane the killer headcanons #clockwork #clockwork headcanons #nina the killer #nina the killer headcanons #eyeless jack #eyeless jack headcanons #laughing jack #laughing jack headcanons #bloody painter #bloody painter headcanons #homicidal liu #homicidal liu headcanons #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons

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duckprintspress · 3 years

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Ten Things We Hate About Trad Pub

Often when I say “I’ve started a small press; we publish the works of those who have trouble breaking into traditional publishing!” what people seem to hear is “me and a bunch of sad saps couldn’t sell our books in the Real World so we’ve made our own place with lower standards.” For those with minimal understanding of traditional publishing (trad pub), this reaction is perhaps understandable? But, truly, there are many things to hate about traditional publishing (and, don’t get me wrong - there are things to love about trad pub, too, but that’s not what this list is about) and it’s entirely reasonable for even highly accomplished authors to have no interest in running the gauntlet of genre restrictions, editorial control, hazing, long waits, and more, that make trad pub at best, um, challenging, and at worst, utterly inaccessible to many authors - even excellent ones.

Written in collaboration with @jhoomwrites, with input from @ramblingandpie, here is a list of ten things that we at Duck Prints Press detest about trad pub, why we hate it, and why/how we think things should be different!

(Needless to say, part of why we created Duck Prints Press was to...not do any of these things... so if you’re a writer looking for a publishing home, and you hate these things, too, and want to write with a Press that doesn’t do them...maybe come say hi?)

1. Work lengths dictated by genre and/or author experience.

Romance novels can’t be longer than 90,000 words or they won’t sell! New authors shouldn’t try to market a novel longer than 100,000 words!

A good story is a good story is a good story. Longer genre works give authors the chance to explore their themes and develop their plots. How often an author has been published shouldn’t put a cap on the length of their work.

2. Editors assert control of story events...except when they don’t.

If you don’t change this plot point, the book won’t market well. Oh, you’re a ten-time bestseller? Write whatever you want, even if it doesn’t make sense we know people will buy it.

Sometimes, a beta or an editor will point out that an aspect of a story doesn’t work - because it’s nonsensical, illogical, Deus ex Machina, etc. - and in those cases it’s of course reasonable for an editor to say, “This doesn’t work and we recommend changing it, for these reasons…” However, when that list of reasons begins and ends with, “...because it won’t sell…” that’s a problem, especially because this is so often applied as a double standard. We’ve all read bestsellers with major plot issues, but those authors get a “bye” because editors don’t want to exert to heavy a hand and risk a proven seller, but with a new, less experienced, or worse-selling author, the gloves come off (even though evidence suggests time and again that publishers’ ability to predict what will sell well is at best low and at worst nonexistent.)

3. A billion rejection letters as a required rite of passage (especially when the letters aren't helpful in pinpointing why a work has been rejected or how the author can improve).

Well, my first book was rejected by a hundred Presses before it was accepted! How many rejection letters did you get before you got a bite? What, only one or two? Oh…

How often one succeeds or fails to get published shouldn’t be treated as a form of hazing, and we all know that how often someone gets rejected or accepted has essentially no bearing on how good a writer they are. Plenty of schlock goes out into the world after being accepted on the first or second try...and so does plenty of good stuff! Likewise, plenty of schlock will get rejected 100 times but due to persistence, luck, circumstances, whatever, finally find a home, and plenty of good stuff will also get rejected 100 times before being publishing. Rejections (or lack there of) as a point of pride or as a means of judging others needs to die as a rite of passage among authors.

4. Query letters, for so many reasons.

Summarize all your hard work in a single page! Tell us who you’re like as an author and what books your story is like, so we can gauge how well it’ll sell based on two sentences about it! Format it exactly the way we say or we won’t even consider you!

For publishers, agents, and editors who have slush piles as tall as Mount Everest...we get it. There has to be a way to differentiate. We don’t blame you. Every creative writing class, NaNoWriMo pep talk, and college lit department combine to send out hundreds of thousands of people who think all they need to do to become the next Ernest Hemingway is string a sentence together. There has to be some way to sort through that pile...but God, can’t there be a better way than query letters? Especially since even with query letters being used it often takes months or years to hear back, and...

5. "Simultaneous submissions prohibited.”

No, we don’t know when we’ll get to your query, but we’ll throw it out instantly if you have the audacity to shop around while you wait for us.

The combination of “no simultaneous submissions” with the query letter bottleneck makes success slow and arduous. It disadvantages everyone who aims to write full-time but doesn’t have another income source (their own, or a parents’, or a spouse’s, or, or or). The result is that entire classes of people are edged out of publishing solely because the process, especially for writers early in their career, moves so glacially that people have to earn a living while they wait, and it’s so hard to, for example, work two jobs and raise a family and also somehow find the time to write. Especially considering that the standard advice for dealing with “no simultaneous submissions” is “just write something else while you wait!” ...the whole system screams privilege.

6. Genres are boxes that must be fit into and adhered to.

Your protagonist is 18? Then obviously your book is Young Adult. It doesn’t matter how smutty your book is, erotica books must have sex within the first three chapters, ideally in the first chapter. Sorry, we’re a fantasy publisher, if you have a technological element you don’t belong here…

While some genre boxes have been becoming more like mesh cages of late, with some flow of content allowed in and out, many remain stiff prisons that constrict the kinds of stories people can tell. Even basic cross-genre works often struggle to find a place, and there’s no reason for it beyond “if we can’t pigeon-hole a story, it’s harder to sell.” This edges out many innovative, creative works. It also disadvantages people who aren’t as familiar with genre rules. And don’t get me wrong - this isn’t an argument that, for example, the romance genre would be improved by opening up to stories that don’t have “happily ever afters.” Instead, it’s pointing out - there should also be a home for, say, a space opera with a side romance, an erotica scene, and a happily-for-now ending. Occasionally, works breakthrough, but for the most part stories that don’t conform never see the light of day (or, they do, but only after Point 2 - trad pub editors insist that the elements most “outside” the box be removed or revised).

7. The lines between romance and erotica are arbitrary, random, and hetero- and cis-normative.

This modern romance novel won’t sell if it doesn’t have an explicit sex scene, but God forbid you call a penis a penis. Oh, no, this is far too explicit, even though the book only has one mlm sex scene, this is erotica.

The difference between “romance” and “erotica” might not matter so much if not for the stigmas attached to erotica and the huge difference in marketability and audience. The difference between “romance” and “erotica” also might not matter so much if not for the fact that, so often, even incredibly raunchy stories that feature cis straight male/cis straight female sex scenes are shelved as romance, but the moment the sex is between people of the same gender, and/or a trans or genderqueer person is involved, and/or the relationship is polyamorous, and/or the characters involved are literally anything other than a cis straight male pleasuring a cis straight female in a “standard” way (cunnilingus welcome, pegging need not apply)...then the story is erotica. Two identical stories will get assigned different genres based on who the people having sex are, and also based on the “skill” of the author to use ludicrous euphemisms (instead of just...calling body parts what they’re called…), and it’s insane. Non-con can be a “romance” novel, even if it’s graphically described. “50 Shades of Gray” can sell millions of copies, even containing BDSM. But the word “vagina” gets used once...bam, erotica. (Seriously, the only standard that should matter is the Envelope Analogy).

8. Authors are expected to do a lot of their own legwork (eg advertising) but then don't reap the benefits.

Okay, so, you’re going to get an advance of $2,500 on this, your first novel, and a royalty rate of 5% if and only if your advance sells out...so you’d better get out there and market! Wait, what do you mean you don’t have a following? Guess you’re never selling out your advance…

Trad pub can generally be relied on to do some marketing - so this item is perhaps better seen as an indictment of more mid-sized Presses - but, basically, if an author has to do the majority of the work themselves, then why aren’t they getting paid more? What’s the actual benefit to going the large press/trad pub route if it’s not going to get the book into more hands? It’s especially strange that this continues to be a major issue when self-publishing (which also requires doing one’s own marketing) garners 60%+ royalty rates. Yes, the author doesn’t get an advance, and they don’t get the cache of ~well I was published by…~, but considering some Presses require parts of advances to get paid back if the initial run doesn’t sell out, and cache doesn’t put food on the table...pay models have really, really got to change.

9. Fanfiction writing doesn't count as writing experience

Hey there Basic White Dude, we see you’ve graduated summa cum laude from A Big Fancy Expensive School. Of course we’ll set you up to publish your first novel you haven’t actually quite finished writing yet. Oh, Fanperson, you’ve written 15 novels for your favorite fandom in the last 4 years? Get to the back of the line!

Do I really need to explain this? The only way to get better at writing is to write. Placing fanfiction on official trad pub “do not interact” lists is idiotic, especially considering many of the other items on this list. (They know how to engage readers! They have existing followings! They understand genre and tropes!) Being a fanfiction writer should absolutely be a marketable “I am a writer” skill. Nuff said. (To be clear, I’m not saying publishers should publish fanfiction, I’m saying that being a fanfiction writer is relevant and important experience that should be given weight when considering an author’s qualifications, similar to, say, publishing in a university’s quarterly.)

10. Tagging conventions (read: lack thereof).

Oh, did I trigger you? Hahahaha. Good luck with that.

We rate movies so that people can avoid content they don’t like. Same with TV shows and video games. Increasingly, those ratings aren’t just “R - adult audiences,” either; they contain information about the nature of the story elements that have led to the rating (“blood and gore,” “alcohol reference,” “cartoon violence,” “drug reference,” “sexual violence,” “use of tobacco,” and many, many more). So why is it that I can read a book and, without warning, be surprised by incest, rape, graphic violence, explicit language, glorification of drug and alcohol use, and so so much more? That it’s left to readers to look up spoilers to ensure that they’re not exposed to content that could be upsetting or inappropriate for their children or, or, or, is insane. So often, too, authors cling to “but we don’t want to give away our story,” as if video game makes and other media makers do want to give away their stories. This shouldn’t be about author egos or ~originality~ (as if that’s even a thing)...it should be about helping readers make informed purchasing decisions. It’s way, way past time that major market books include content warnings.

Thank you for joining us, this has been our extended rant about how frustrated we are with traditional publishing. Helpful? No. Cathartic? Most definitely yes. 🤣

Have a question about writing? Drop us an ask!

Like what we do and want to support us? You can buy us a ko-fi - or get access to exclusive content by backing us on Patreon!

#duck prints press #original content #writing advice #sort of

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vicea · 3 years

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dream merch discord recap (june 12, 2021) - disclaimer: i may have missed some things or mistakenly heard other things, apologies in advanced for that!

he has not played the new minecraft update

dream “knows” the date george is coming to florida but he’s not saying it :p

dream doesn’t have anyone muted on twitter

dream guesses his favorite disney princess is belle

sapnap has seen dream’s feet before

he’s not actually connor’s dad in the dsmp lore

dreamnap do not have nicknames for each other D:

dream likes olives but especially black olives

his mother makes homemade pickles

he doesn’t have a phone case

he has dropped his phone from his ear onto concrete in the parking lot before and the screen didn’t crack

dream has six fingers /j

he pours cereal first not milk when making cereal

dream calls sapnap nick most of the time :D

what’s your dream car? “idk the one that gets me to point A to point B consistently”

he finally fixed his sleep schedule, woke up at 8 am today

mrbeast owes dream a tesla because he never sent dream the audio file

dream is a very analytical person - he thinks with numbers/data

creativity is one his strengths that he is the most proud of

3 to 4 years ago, dream used to say george looks like shawn mendes a lot, now he doesn’t resemble him as much

patches is currently sleeping <3

swimming is very relaxing to dream, he swam the other day!

many houses in florida have pools than other places, even the cheapest houses in orlando have pools

dream has merchendise defects (misprints on merch) + milestone merch and he wants to give them away to those who live in orlando (probably to anyone but the event will be held in orlando) though he doesn’t want it to be a covid super-spreader thing so once you pick up your item you gotta dip. just all an idea though

he has been donating them to charity too though :)

dream has likely read Heroes of Olympus before a long time ago

he says that he’ll do a give away of his childhood books with his signature on it

he was obsessed with the series (Percy Jackson)

he really liked the Alex Rider series

has all of Maximum Ride books, 39 clues books

has read the legend series, the twilight series, and the maze runner

has all/read of the harry potter books, divergent, eragon

he would read all the time, to the point he would read more than one book a day (a book worm he says)

dream had a goal to read 200 books in a year and he wind up reading about 150

he doesn’t want to call it a library but- growing up he had something like that that had 600 or 700 or more books in it (privileged he admits it)

he has not read a book since he started youtube (about 2 years)

dream has a folder called Book that has his own writing in it

word count: 76000 words for one of his stories

another one he wrote 5 chapters of

he sounds very excited/embarrassed talking about the stories he wrote he’s so endearing

the very first paragraph of one of his stories (he was young when he wrote this) “What exactly is darkness? is it the lack of light? is it a pit of nothingness? ... your mind is full of darkness...” then he couldn’t continue.

the story is about a kid who wakes up in a cell and has no idea where he is with other people who are in the same situation

dream has a world building document

he has a sequel to the first book he has ever written

he found a query letter that he wrote because he wanted to get his book published- he finds it very funny

he’s calling himself a nerd but idk it’s kind of endearing

“as you can tell i’ve always been incredibly cool and not a nerd at all! ever.”

he cringes at his own old videos

dream took a lot of inspiration from witches and wizards by james patterson for writing

the story is written in a way where the main character is actually writing the story so you’re getting input from the main character during it. there’s a lot of sarcasm in it and it’s making dream laugh

very first person narrator

he feels like it’d be very cool if he were to publish his works he wrote when he was 16 on amazon or something but he probably never would because he’d have to read through all of it and it’s just embarrassing for him

dream used to video call sapnap fairly frequently- even before youtube

he strictly remembers, a very long time (at least 7 to 9 years) ago he was at his old childhood house he video called sapnap. he was wearing a (technically) suit and he remembers specifically that he was giving sap a tour...

“snazzy in a suit”

he had no reason to put on the suit (wow time is a flat circle huh)

drista is pretty close to sapnap’s height, she’s like 5′7″ but sap is still taller than her

dream filmed the whole thing when he and sapnap met but... it’s... gone because when he was clipping that one clip for twitter... it edited the whole video

he’s sure when they meet up with george they will film that too :D

DREAM IS PRETTY SURE THAT HE AND GEORGE WILL MEET THIS YEAR-- HE SAYS A 95% CERTAINTITY the five percent is like either restrictions or visa issues

dream does not play any instruments but he had a guitar hanging on his wall when he was younger...

dream is convinced they’re the same height but also sapnap is probably taller??

they had george compare his height to a door frame and dreamnap were googling for any doorframes to find any possible chance that george is taller than 5′8″ ... nothing came up

there’s a chance they’re both lying about being 5′8″

sap and george will literally just show up in stilts to prove they’re taller than each other /j

dream without shoes is between 6′2″ and 6′3″ with shoes he’s 6′3.5″

dream is talking about awesamdude’s fake height arc again LOL

dreamnap are very private people so they don’t bother each other but george doesn’t care and would just barge into their rooms and start bothering them- they were all joking about that over a voice call

he will visit europe

he thinks that greece would be a cool place to visit because sapnap’s family is from there :) so it’ll be like a nice “treat” to go back with sap :D

dream isn’t entirely sure that the dream team meet up will happen this year but he’s working out the details because he wants to make sure it’s safe

he’s talking to youtube about his face reveal

it’s up to george if he wants to eat healthy when they finally move in

dream just has a lot of meat and vegetables in his house

spinach with chicken is good

not much fruit (only apples and tomatoes)

“DRISTA IS 5″ is trending on twitter LOL (her height got cut off)

dream doesn’t want people flying to different places because he doesn’t want to encourage travel so he wants to do all of the meet ups with a two day heads up at most

he thinks that it’s awesome that ranboo and tubbo are meeting soon !! :D

it’s very cool to dream to see how far everyone’s has come since the beginning of the dsmp. everyone has done so much

dream finalized his youtube plan a couple weeks before he uploaded his video and he was talking to drista about how he was gonna be a big youtuber in a parking lot :”)

she was the first person he really ever talked to about it

dream would love to teach george how to drive it’d be really funny :D (a very good video or a livestream idea)

dream knows how to ride a bike, he used to have to bike to school

he can’t explain dnf.gay he has no clue he is not responsible. sapnap was the one who found it LOL. he is adamantly exclaiming that it was not him

dream doesn’t worry about views/likes/dislikes a lot- mainly views but that’s for the new uploads

he hasn’t uploaded in like a month and a half (*cries*)

he wants to stream at some point but he doesn’t know when

he wants to play geoguessr but not now... he doesn’t want to alt stream rn- maybe tomorrow!

he is insisting that the splash text on his minecraft home screen is by callahan

he asked callahan to send him bunch of text files that are dream team related so that the splash can rotate through it but callahan thought it was funny (it is) to put only dreamnotfound <3 so it doesn’t ever change at all and dream doesn’t even know how to change and he has asked callahan to change it but he said no (even though dream pays him LMAO)

the video referenced in the padilla’s video is still in the works, it might be handed over to sapnap though !

he has no idea if he will be in MCC pride yet

padilla got dream’s input for the video, dream found him to be a very nice guy ! :) it’s the first interview that dream did that wasn’t by a person with a negative opinion of dream

dream felt relaxed doing the interview with padilla

?????? he’s blaming callahan for his “dnfisreal” nickname in bedwars

he’s blaming callahan for a lot of dnf-related stuff

callahan runs the dream fanart account thus the liking of dnf content

he’s so insistent that it was callahan

dream admits that he was lying about the twitter and other stuff but for sure callahan did code the splash text in LOL

dream liking that tweet “the chances of george doing a hot tub stream is the same of dnf dating” was “funny” he wasnt trying to do any commentary...

the inside joke of “oh it’s all just a joke to you” originates from george and sapnap actually always fighting (like them yelling and shouting at each other) and george said something really mean and sapnap was hurt then geroge said “it was just a joke” and sapnap replied with that line and ever since then it’s been a meme LOL

he says that everyone does the hand-on-the-passenger-seat-while-reversing thing

dream is offline raiding with his chat with 6k people

dream appreciates us and will talk to us soon!

#dreamwastaken #dreamblr #long post #really long post xd #summary #not really a summary... literally just everything he said #merch discord

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