#I think I am failing organic chemistry

[clovestreet]

let me- ethan landry

an: i am absolutely FERAL for this man atm...😨i just had to write something abt him..

summary: you have been super stressed about exams lately and ethan knows the best way to make you feel better. (also this is DEFINITELY more soft ethan??) but i like that.. lol

warnings⚠ SMUT (16+), oral (f receiving), strong language

Hell on earth was organic chemistry.

Your absolute fucktard of a professor had scheduled your exam on the same day as two of your other exams. This man had it out for you.

You massaged your temple as you drummed your pencil on your notes. Your brain wasn't functioning anymore. You had been sitting at this godforsaken desk for three hours now. You needed a break.

You forced yourself out of your chair and faceplanted on your bed next to your boyfriend in defeat. You sighed into the mattress and tried to gather your thoughts.

"Something bothering you baby?" your boyfriend laughed as he rubbed small circles into your back, clearly amused by your frustration with trying to memorize aromatic compounds.

"I can't do this anymore E, "I'm actually so exhausted."

"I wish someone would just kill the stupid bastard." you groaned into your palms.

Ethan gulped and immediately froze in his movements and you weren't sure why. But then he was comforting you again like nothing had happened.

"I'm sorry baby. If it makes you feel better, I just failed my last exam."

You laughed as he pulled you closer, the grasp of his arms melting away your stress.

"Honestly, I don't know if anything could make me feel better at this point.”

“Unless you can teach me the structure of carboxylic acid." you said with your hands on his chest staring into his dark eyes.

His chest shook with laughter and it was music to your ears. Ethan was so comforting and even being in his arms took you to a place far away from your worries.

"Definitely can't do that, but I think I can take your mind off it for a little while." he murmured into your lips.

"Oh yeah? How's that?"

"Well it usually starts with my head between your legs” he says in a low whisper.

You immediately feel your cheeks flush with warmth and squeeze your legs together.

You completely froze and waited for him to finish his sentence.

“ ..And ends with you screaming my name or something like that." he says with a devilish smirk.

He grins like a lovesick bastard at your embarrassment and tilts his head down to connect his lips to yours. He smiles into the kiss and you can feel your pulse weakening at the way his tongue explores your mouth.

His lips travel down your neck and you know exactly where he's going. You pull him off of you and look him in straight in his hazy brown eyes.

You and Ethan had been together for a little over a year now and you had been intimate more times than you could even begin to remember. You still got nervous before he went down on you and you just couldn't help but feel insecure sometimes, but Ethan always made you forget about all of it when he touched you.

"E, are you sure? You really don’t have to, I-”

He immediately stops you with a confused expression on his face.

“Baby are you kidding? I live for this shit.”

“I should probably get back to studying E, I just-"

He cut you off again, this time taking your head into his hand and made sure you met his gaze.

"Fuck studying. Let me make you feel good babe."

His thumb gently brushed over your cheek as he searched your eyes for an answer.

"Ok, fine." you said softly with a shy smile on your face.

"That's my girl." he said with a grin spreading over his face as he placed the softest kiss on your lips.

His fingers danced their way over your ribs under your shirt and his lips were placing gentle kisses on your hipbones. His fingers made their way down to the waistband of your shorts and his eyes quickly glanced up to yours asking for consent. You quickly nodded your head, becoming more and more eager for him to touch you by the second.

He pulled down your shorts gently and tossed them behind him. He hooked his fingers under your lace panties and pulled them down painfully slow. Once they were off, he grabbed both of your legs and put them over his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around your legs and pulled them open.

He looked up at you through lustful eyes while licking his lips.

"I got you. Always." he said in a low whisper placing a kiss on your inner thigh.

You brushed a gentle hand over his curls and offered a weak smile to him. You could feel your anticipation for his touch becoming stronger and your legs were shaking before he even touched you.

You could feel his breath on you and you couldn't take it anymore. You wrapped your fingers in his curls and guided him onto you.

He licked up your slit as you sucked in a shaky breath. Your thighs immediately clenched around him, but his strong hands pulled your legs right back open. His tongue started to circle around your clit and your fingers were already tugging on his curls. He groaned into you and the vibration had you letting out a choked moan.

"Right there E." you gasped.

He looked up at your face contorted in pleasure and started to grind his hips onto to the bed. Ethan was the kind of boyfriend who genuinely could get off from pleasuring you and have absolutely no shame about it.

He was lost in the taste of you and you were lost in his touch. You couldn't even remember what you were stressed about in the first place. Your mind was consumed by the feeling of his tongue sloppily tasting you and swirling around your clit, the tight grip of his fingers prying open your thighs, his dark eyes peering up at you through hooded lids occasionally rolling back into his head every time you moaned his name.

His hand slid carefully down your thigh as he slipped his middle finger into you, pumping in and out at a deliciously slow pace.

Your fingers tugged harder on his curls and he practically moaned into you.

"F-feels so good E, you're so good" you whined.

"I know baby I know, I'm gonna get you there I promise." he murmured into you, pressing wet kisses on your clit.

His words made you toss your head back and your back arch off the bed.

He slipped another finger into you, pumping a little faster this time.

Your fingers loosened from Ethan's hair and slid down his bare shoulders. His fingers started to curl inside you, purposefully hitting the spot he knew would send you over the edge. You moaned loudly and your nails dug into his back.

He groaned into you so loudly it almost caught you off guard. If you hadn't known better, you would have thought you hurt him. But you knew better by now. His sounds sent you even closer to the edge.

"Come on babe, let go for me." he breathed into you.

You could feel yourself impossibly close to your high with Ethan's gaze trained on your face. The second Ethan's nose rubbed your clit you were done for.

All you could do was moan his name over and over again, your nails digging into his back sure to leave marks. He fucked you all the way through your high until you were practically dragging him off of you.

You put your hand on the back of his neck and guided him toward your lips. God, he was so beautiful, even with the taste of you glimmering all over his features. You pulled him down into a breathless kiss and brought him closer by draping your leg over his waist.

He drew back and cupped your jaw looking down at you.

"I really hope you're not thinking about studying anymore tonight, because all I want to do-"

"Shut up and kiss me Landry."

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - We Are Surprised

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 2 of 12 - Oh it’s fucking great. It could all go horribly south, of course. But it’s awesome at the moment. Messy gay and one of them is already pining? Got to love it. Including the negotiation.

I’d love a good sex negotiation, it’s almost as good as linguistic negotiation. This show makes me happy. All that said, it’s moving awfully quickly for a 12 episode run. Not sure what’s gonna happen on the backend. 

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 eps - I’m still enjoying it but I’m ready for him to die again now. 

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 5-6 of 16 - Toey is going after the Namgoong Award for Best Wingman this year, I see. And in exchange, literally all the rest of the friends are going to be his wingmen. It’s adorable. I also like that Phuwin got to be the aggressor for the first kiss. I like that this is mostly just boys flirting, and not really any prescribed seme/uke stuff. In general, I think these last two episodes I improved the show in my regard a lot. But then middles are always GMMTV's strong point, it’s whether they can stick the landing that’s an issue.

Two Worlds (Thurs iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - Apparently we have the Frodo walking into Mordor episode. Also the sides were cute. In Thailand (like Taiwan) all gangsters are gay, apparently. 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 5 of 12 - It’s cute but very cringe and dorky. Silly singing. Terrible pickup lines. Still, that was a ridiculously charming confession.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 12fin - Oh so good. Very few shows that feature one-sided long-term pining of this kind can resolve the unevenness of that power dynamic into a more stable and equal footing with such class. We really got to see the object of the desire turn completely around and become equally besotted. An age gap, stepbrothers trope like this one is hard enough but at this length? Very well acted boys! Unknown managed to show the older brother softening in a believable way that’s pretty unusual in narratives of this type.

All in all?

Unknown is a wonderful BL with a pitch perfect portrayal of long term pining, age gap, and the stepbrothers trope. The acting and chemistry are ON POINT (especially from the leads) which made the resulting characters very believable. When it dwells in intimate family drama, it's stunning. It's slightly less successful when it leaves the home and goes gritty. It's few flaws are the result of curtailed length. It could have used more breathing room to deal with side plots, characters, and companion character development. The editing was occasionally choppy and packed with flashbacks that broke the emotional tension. Still, those are mere quibbles. This is an excellent show that I know I'm going to be recommending a lot. 9/10

Finally Taiwan hits another one out of the park.

About.

Damn.

Time.

Blue Boys (Korea Sat YouTube) 4 of ? - Oh it’s so good, and they are so tortured and it’s just charming and I can’t EVEN. I just love it. I love that Korea is giving us this right now. You’re an idiot if you’re not watching this show, it’s truly spectacular.

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Well well well Japan. I see how you kneed. I enjoyed this episode better than the first two, and I am way into our Bad Boy second lead. I can already feel myself succumbing  to the syndrome. Next week = the obligatory onsen ep! 

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - Omg most adorbs failed linguistic negotiation. 

Boys Be Brave AKA Roommates (Korea Thurs Viki) ep 5-6 of 8 - I love the side couple. It’s a shame we’re finally getting some truly great class conflict and it’s relegated to crumbs.

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 11-12fin - Well that was a waste of time. There was no connection (of any kind) between the leads. The language thing was hella weird and likely added to that. The past history of the Korean character was necessary to know from the start, its lack throughout, meant there was no depth to his character. They tried to tackle all the interesting stuff in the final 2 eps. AND they even killed the dog. I never thought I'd type this sentance, but Peach of Time is better.

I don’t know. 5/10 I guess

All in all:

A disappointing lackluster and barely cohesive BL about a jerk Thai actor (speaking Thai) who has to work for a Korean animal rescue cafe as a publicity stunt. It's difficult to believe the leads like each other, let alone fall in love. The acting is stiff, the characters lack motivation and cohesion, and there's not much to recommend this show beyond some pretty visuals. Also, they kill the dog. All in all, a disappointing and unsuccessful joint venture that mostly highlighted that between Thailand and Korea the style of BL, narrative approach, language cadence, and acting techniques all clash.

It's airing but...

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

A Balloon's Landing (Taiwan movie) trailer - A frustrated Hong Kong writer, Tian Yu, meets a Taipei street gangster, Xiang (Fandy Fan from HIStory2: Crossing the Line), and the two of them embark on a journey to find the Bay of Vanishing Whales. Along the way, they discover unexpected twists and turns and close bonds, which brings out the message that "there is always someone like you in this world who is waiting for you. This released to cinemas in Taiwan, no word on international release.

Memory in the Letter (Thai WeTV) - it's done, tell me if I should bother?

Fan's Only Corner

Someone asked in a comment (which tumblr promptly ate) about group sleepovers in BLs. It's happened a few times but the only one I can recall being noted and particularly lovely (and VERY college) was in Nitiman. There's also one in Lovesick.

Next Week Looks Like This:

5/16 Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 6 - Strongberry doing classic uni BL! Weeee!

5/19 OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 1 of 10 - LeeFrank are back - not unlike the undead (as it were). But how do we feel about it? Unsure given their track record.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

May Releases

VBL (Taiwan) is releasing 4 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 shows every Friday this month on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu. Not sure on search terms or how to find these. (Or, frankly, if we need them.)

5/10 – You Are Mine

5/17 – VIP Only

5/24 – Stay By My Side

5/31 – Anti Reset

5/25 The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer - HoTae & DongHee are back but unfortunately not in a cinema near me. Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS.

5/28 My Biker 2 (Thai movie YT?) - trailer

5/31 The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) - May not be BL

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

LOVE a smile kiss. Love it. Two killer kisses from PondPhuwin. Elegantly done, boys. Thank you very much.

I love them a lot all of a sudden. (All We Are)

It's hard to give MaxTul a run on their crown as best bodies in BL, but boy these two are giving it their, erm, best. (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[centrally-unplanned]

Though in the effort of balance, I too hate the "STEM uber alles" educational drumbeat not because STEMcels lack the effette wisdom of the liberal arts (obvious bullshit, most liberal arts majors also lack said wisdom and STEM people read books too, education doesn't work that way). I hate it because its just bad advice - low performing STEM majors do worse on the job market than average liberal arts majors, and most "STEM" programs actively weed out students via early feeder courses because many students aren't going to cut it and are better off in different majors. With a few very tiny exceptions college is a great choice regardless of major, if you graduate the large, large majority will do fine. (Not graduating is a serious issue in the US, dramatically so - but I promise you pushing more students into STEM is not going to reduce your fail rates).

To add two caveats, I am down for marginal changes, wanna boost engineers by 5% yeah probably a win, whatever. I don't think that is what most people are saying though - to be specific, the reason you would want 5% more engineers is because they tend to have more spillover effects that aren't captured in their salaries, they don't personally benefit and business majors do pretty much just as well as them, but society might. But that is a bit of an opposite claim than the default one imo.

The second one is that there are big picture "structural" issues that can change these dynamics. Lets take my favorite punching bag of US medicine - in the US education system the "weeding" courses for being a doctor have no connection to the practice of doctoring. The traditional one is organic chemistry, an intensely difficult course involving primarily memorization but also extensive logic applications that burns out huge percentages of the class, and also is a skillset unused by 95%+ of doctors. It virtually never comes up in anything but the most trivial ways, it is only an arbitrary IQ test. The reality of course is that being the median doctor is not that hard (tail end doctoring and certain specialties can get different) the way say programming is. Many more people could be doctors. We just don't let them be doctors in order to ensure doctors can artificially boost their wages via cartelization. So if you changed the laws/practices then suddenly oh yeah we should be pushing more people in the other M of STEM, but until the reforms it makes no sense to do that.

[beom-s-author]

txt reaction-when you failed at your exam

Warning: crying,angst,fluff,comforting

Choi Yeonjun

You had an anatomy exam.

You memorized 3 books of 1000 pages. You were very confused. You studied without sleeping all night. You came home from school and memorized it without taking a break or eating. During this process, Yeonjun was always by your side. He supported you and respected you. Sometimes he would prepare fruit plates for you. After taking and passing the exam, you critiqued it with Yeonjun. You were expecting an average grade, although not very high. At least you were sure it would pass. You worked hard and you think you deserved it. You and Yeonjun did everything to distract yourself until the results were announced. Even pranked Beomgyu. However, the disappointment you felt when the exam was announced was indescribable. You failed the class. You burst into tears when it was revealed . "Honey, I am sure you will pass next time. You will work harder. Please don't cry anymore." He tries to ease you but you were so sad. At least there would be a rescue test. He knows you will pass after that. He was trusting you a lot. Even more than you family. You were his ambitious and hardworking girl.

Choi Soobin

You had a very intense exam. It was so difficult to go through this that you started working a month in advance, but the holidays intervened and you wanted to spend more time with Soobin. You organized a few trips together, which caused you to slack off. You took the exam. You were biting your nails from stress. You were waiting for a result with hope. You remembered a few things from your old studies, but it wasn't enough. When you left the exam, Soobin picked you up and you went to your dorm. When the guys asked about your exam, you told them you did poorly.

When the exam was announced a few days later, you failed. Instead of crying, you promised yourself to work. When Soobin saw the exam result, he only understood you. You worked on the subjects you couldn't do together. The problem was that Soobin didn't understand organic chemistry at all. You already understood it when you were explaining it to him. In this way, you got a very high score in the make-up exam. You had a small celebration with Soobin that night. Soobin was proud of you.

Choi Beomgyu

You were taking a bad exam. Beomgyu was even more annoying this period. While you were studying, he was disturbing you and leaving. When you said it was important, he disappeared but came back 20 minutes later to annoy you. Even though you kicked him out, he was there. Like an annoying mosquito. When you took the exam, you realized that you failed from the first question. When you returned home and sat on the sofa, Beomgyu came to home He seemed to understand what was happening. He hugged you and gave you a kiss on your cheek.

When you turned to him and smiled, he did the same to you. When you held his hand and looked at him, he turned towards you and said, "It doesn't matter. I will hire a private teacher for you, so you will understand better. When you get a higher score in the other exam, I will be so proud of you that you cannot understand."

"Thank you Beomgyu, you are very thoughtful. I am thankful to you. You'd better stay by my side. I'm not used to being without you.." He giggled at your words. He hugged you and kissed your lips. "Anything for my princess."

[bunnyinfoxclothing]

Chaggie Cooking/Baking

Okay... hear me out...

This is something I have wanted to talk about for awhile. But it is so out of left field and absolutely nobody asked for this. But I want to rant, and this is my blog so suck it up.

So I read a lot of fan fiction... probably too much and as far as I have seen. A lot of people agree, that Charlie can't cook, but in the same vein most think that she can bake.

HAVE ANY OF YOU TRIED TO BAKE??

I'm talking anything other than premade flour dough, where you just add eggs, butter and water or oil.

None of this:

Baking is almost exclusively about specifics. Everything has to be mixed for a certain time. Over mixing can cause any rising agent to go flat. If you over mix eggs they will become curdled and dry. But if you under mix your bread becomes tough and dense, almost like a brick, making it inedible. With egg whites they can be left too runny and unusable in a meringue. Temperatures have to be exact. Butter has to be the correct consistency. You have to know how to measure, things can be messed up if you are off by a gram.

This is because Baking is quite literally, stripped down to it's most basic form, Chemistry.

All of this to say in baking you need 5 key things.

Organization

Attention to Detail

Co-ordination

Patience

Creativity

Does Charlie have all of these traits? YES! Can she hold all of them at once for 40 min? I am less certain.

However if Charlie is failing to cook... she is not succeeding in baking.

Now that being said. I think Charlie would make a fantastic cook.

If Baking is chemistry, cooking is art.

In baking if you mess something up and it doesn't taste good, you are back to step one. In cooking, you add seasoning and flavors and adjust to your taste and the tastes of others as you go.

Cooking is hands on, taste every step of the way.

Baking is follow this recipe exact or face the wrath of the gods. Cooking is, here is a general guideline, you decide what a pinch is, and always double the amount of garlic we suggest.

In art, there is trust the process, because in the moment things can look bad or strange or use ugly colors, but you can paint over mistakes, you can use markers to color over wrong lines, you can add details to turn something from a sketch to a masterpiece. You can look at something, see the mistake and fix it.

Tell me this scene of Remy dancing, tasting, and adding flavor doesn't seem exactly like what Charlie would do. Throwing stuff in, just to add to the flavor, improvising.

In episode 3 Charlie literally heard the words "I don't trust you" and decided that's what they were doing for the day. No plan, no idea, just straight into it.

(Charlie and Vaggie probably had a brainstorm session right before to decide on trust falls and to make the banner, but still)

Charlie as a Character very much hops into things with full enthusiasm and lets whatever is happening guide her to the next decision.

That is not the personality of a baker. That is the personality of a chef.

Anyway, someone please make an Au of this with Chef Charlie and Baker Vaggie trying to teach each other and fall in love. It would be so cute.

(Vaggie teaches Charlie discipline and subtly, creating a calmer mind in the kitchen, and Charlie applies that to her personal life, so she can better talk to people. Meanwhile Charlie teaches Vaggie how to have fun and go with the flow. Allowing Vaggie to go out and explore the world a bit more. Greet the world with open arms style. iykyk)

Anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[bungone]

Actually no im not done because I know it gets talked about a lot but Lolita is such an interesting piece of media; not just the book itself but people's attitudes towards it.

like, first off, there's the actual author (nabokov) who goes out of his way to talk about how childish, mokeyish, immature and whatnot Dolores is in the most unnappealing possible ways, and then specifically said that he didnt want the kind of cover that every single fucking published edition of Lolita has?? With girls who are either being sexualized or very obviously having "a good time" which is absolutely not what Dolores was doing in the book?? I really, really, don't think anyone who designs these covers has even opened the first page because what. the. fuck.

It's so obvious that my man Humbert Humbert is an unreliable narrator, but gee, I guess we learned to take everything we read at face value, and also everything that comes from a protagonist's mouth as the "correct" way of viewing things, both in the book and in real life?

And even then, maybe, just MAYBE I can excuse the people who talk about how the book is fucked up because it's "glorifying pedophillia".

Maybe they had a really shitty english teacher. At the very least, they're reading it and understanding that the actions of Humbert Humbert aren't okay? They got to the halfway point. Maybe their education sytem failed them.

Maybe they had a really shitty high school english teacher that never taught them the skills necessary to understand this kind of writing. Maybe they're just dense, that's who they are as a person, and it would take someone going out of their way to point it out for them to consider the possibility.

But then there's the fucking apologists?? Like, putting aside the whole Dolores being 12 (which, yeah, is akin to putting aside the whole book, but bear with me for a second), Humbert Humbert not only kidnaps her (illegal), lies to her for a long time about her mother (not illegal but generally shitty), but is implied to have committed murder (illegal, not sure if implied is the right word here because it absolutely happened and everyone knows it), and sexually abuses Dolores (very illegal). These are crimes. He is a criminal. Say what you want about the justice system these are crimes that absolutely should be crimes.

He's clearly not an upstanding citizen, and I fail to understand how some people look at all his behavior and go "oh yes, the the man who killed a woman and kidnapped a 12 year old girl is just misunderstood, and he did those things for true love" like fuck no.

I like Lolita. It's an objectively good book. The quality of writing (high quality, I mean, I normally hate first-person writing but I actually liked Lolita), it's a great psychological horror piece that doesn't rely on things like shock value and overused tropes. The characters are all multi-dimensional and frankly, act realistically. But that's all it is. A psychological HORROR piece. It's not romantic. If anything, it's meant to make you sympathize with Humbert, and then you're supposed to take a step back and be like, "Wait. Why am I sympathizing with him? I'm not a pedophile." Because yeah, he's a complex character but that only goes to make him realistic in terms of the kind of pedos that exist in real life.

Pedophiles are people too. Mentally ill people, really, really shitty people who need serious help, but reducing them to "not human" only makes them an "other", which makes you forget that on the outside, they look like normal people. That have friends and family and go to school or have jobs and order coffe and read in libraries and yeah, maybe you sat next to one of them an entire year in organic chemistry. They're not weird stalkers that hang out in bushes in parks. Some of them, maybe, but not all. Nowhere near all.

man that derailed fast.

[percheduphere]

people saying, oh it wasn't intended from the beginning so it wasn't intentional thus has to stay fanfiction bug me. like, shows can develop organically based on chemistry. they can surprise you and take you in a direction that wasn't planned but now just works. like, fucking, chandler and monica wasn't planned from the beginning! but the actors had chemistry and the writers tried it out and it became iconic. you don't throw something away just because it surprised you instead of being pre-planned; you cultivate whatever gold you find!

With Hollywood entertainment in particular, I think there is a lot of ignorance regarding how the creative process, production process, post-production process, and business all work. It is readily apparent that in Hollywood, there are many hands in the kitchen when it comes to creating a movie, documentary, or show. The "Original Intent" argument is weakest when it comes to Hollywood art, and in fact fails to be a viable argument in multiple areas. I will discuss how the "Original Intent" argument fails in Hollywood in more depth under the read more, using what I know from having worked in the industry myself as a writer. And to be honest, the fact I have to pull my private professional history out online, just to prove I'm not being delulu when it comes to the importance of queer subtext in film, pisses me the fuck off.

To be clear, since this whole discourse mess on my Tumblr is likely the result of someone thinking I'm an anti-sylki: I AM NOT AN ANTI. I have an extensive analysis on Sylvie as an integral character to the Loki series, Sylki in canon, and her relationship with Mobius here.

I agree with you: a lot of amazing art deviates from the original intention, especially writing. If deviating from original intent in the writing process did not exist, we would not have DRAFT REVISIONS, we would not have IMPROV, we would not have EDITORS (whose entire job hinges on giving the writer not only grammar corrections, but feedback on how to IMPROVE character, plot, and pacing, which inherently means making changes from the original intent!). This is to say nothing of the thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands, of media scholars--with actual PhDs--who spend years of their lives performing meta-analysis to write academic papers on subject matters like this. Papers that become formal publications and contribute to how queer history is taught in universities! This is no different than academic scholars analyzing women and race representation and resistance in film. Why should analyzing queer representation and resistance in film be treated any less?

LET'S TALK ABOUT ORIGINAL CREATIVE INTENT VS POWER HIEARCHY & POLITICS IN HOLLYWOOD

For context with respect to this ask, a different Tumblr user critiqued against queer subtext in one of my posts using the "original intent" argument for the Loki series and Lokius specifically. By this logic, if original intent is always honored, then the original script for Loki's S2E5 (written by Eric Martin) would not have been NUKED by the executive powers that be at Marvel. [source] But no, the original intent was not honored, it was rejected. So how does one square the primacy of original intent with original intent being rejected by people who are not the artist but the people who manage Disney's finances?

In television, "Executive Producer" (i.e. Tom Hiddleston, Michael Waldron, Eric Martin, etc.) is a title that can be given to a writer or actor who has more creative say in the execution of a story than a regular staff writer or actor on crew. It also indicates that the writer or actor is in a much higher salary range compared to their professional peers. It does NOT mean the same thing as a CORPORATE "Producer" of Kevin Feige's level, who ultimately has the FINAL SAY on what does NOT end up on the cutting room floor. The corporate Producer must take into account the wishes of corporate's shareholders and board of directors, who are often multi-million if not multi-billion global investors who need the distribution of the product to succeed internationally in countries like China, which is very anti-LGBTQAI+. This is how a script like Eric Martin's S2E5 can be nuked and the writer can be contractually gagged from talking about its specific contents by Disney, lest they be SUED TO HELL for breaking their non-disclosure agreements (NDAs).

This doesn't even take into account politics.

In 2020, Ike Perlmutter, Chair of Marvel, "gave $575,000 to Trump For Victory, $35,500 to the Republican National Committee in April, $5600 for Texans For Ronny Jackson in February. 2019 saw him donate $248,000 to the Republican National Committee, $466,100 to Trump For Victory, $5,600 to Donald Trump For President." His wife, Laura, mirrored those donations. "In late 2016, he also gave $5,000,000 to the Great America PAC." [source] Ike was only recently laid off from his position in March 2023 [source]. Perlmutter was in a power-struggle at Marvel with Kevin Feige for years. Feige was promoted to Chief Creative Officer in 2019, which brought the power struggle to a head, ultimately contributing to Perlmutter's departure.

There is also Bob Iger, CEO of Disney, who was famously quoted during the Writers Guild of America strike for saying, “It’s very disturbing to me. We’ve talked about disruptive forces on this business and all the challenges we’re facing, the recovery from COVID which is ongoing, it’s not completely back. This is the worst time in the world to add to that disruption”

This is the worst time in the world to negotiate to pay your writers, YOUR CREATIVE LABOR FORCE, who entertained millions of people while they were stuck in their homes for 2 years, fairly?

And these are just two men in executive power at Marvel and Disney. We're not even talking about all the other board members and shareholders. You think Tom Hiddleston, Michael Waldron, and Eric Martin have any real power compared to these guys? They do not. They are peons by comparison. And these artists (despite their "Executive Producer" title) are always at odds with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP), who are ultimately not artists but FINANCIERS.

Here's another quote from a studio executive that occurred during the writer's strike:

"Receiving positive feedback from Wall Street since the WGA went on strike May 2, Warner Bros Discovery, Apple, Netflix, Amazon, Disney, Paramount and others have become determined to “break the WGA,” as one studio exec blatantly put it.  

To do so, the studios and the AMPTP believe that by October most writers will be running out of money after five months on the picket lines and no work.

“The endgame is to allow things to drag on until union members start losing their apartments and losing their houses,” a studio executive told Deadline. Acknowledging the cold-as-ice approach, several other sources reiterated the statement. One insider called it “a cruel but necessary evil.”" [source 1] [source 2]

Fortunately, this negative press and the WGA members' solidarity led to the WGA getting everything they demanded. I still have friends in the industry, specifically in the WGA and MPEG. A lot of them were indeed starved out. My friend who's a film editor is still unemployed because pre-production has only recently started to ramp up again and her profession is all in post. She has to wait for production to catch-up and finish in order to get work.

If the AMPTP is willing to use clearly unethical tactics to underpay their writers and actors (don't forget the SAG-AFTRA strike that joined later), do we really think members of the AMPTP (the studio execs) are willing to honor artists' original intent if the original intent may be "offensive to some viewers" and therefore can potentially cut into their financial bottom line?

We're not naive. We know the answer to this.

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH, KILLING EVE, AND GOOD OMENS

But what about OFMD, KE, and GO? These shows are on MAX, BBC, and Amazon Prime respectively. These corporations have a different branding image than Disney. Disney touts itself as "family friendly"; (read: on-screen LGBTQAI+ affection between two lead characters is "not family friendly"). MAX and BBC's branding type also affords them the luxury of creating content for niche audiences. Disney, on the other hand, makes additional revenue through using their plethora of licenses to make toys, additions to their theme parks, and other merch. If a parent is offended that a canonically queer character like Loki has romantic love not just for Sylvie but also for Mobius (a same-sex relationship), what are the odds of parents like them not buying Disney's merchandise? We can apply this same question to Star Wars, Pixar, and any of Disney-branded animation or live action movies. How deeply can audience offense potentially cut into Disney's bottom line? If there were no discrimination taking place, we would have LGBTQAI+ representation through a lead character in any one of their licenses already. We do not, and that is a huge red flag.

In addition, these entertainment corporations (who do not tout themselves as "family friendly") generate other sources of revenue elsewhere. Netflix generates international revenue through the production of international programming like "Squid Game" and other K-dramas such as "The Glory" or Mexican shows including, "The Surrogacy" and "Haunted: Latin America". MAX is struggling. They were bought out for that reason. With AppleTV and Hulu, their target audiences are more diverse, they offer a variety of media product, and their business strategy is ultimately different from Disney. All of this grants them more freedom in what kind of characters they choose to represent, including LGBTQAI+ characters.

Remember House and Wilson from House M.D.? That show was on FOX. We know the political alignment of FOX. Dean and Castiel from Supernatural? WB Television. Both shows came out before streaming became dominant, and thus, these shows had to cater to anyone who might happen to land on their channels. When the market demands that you cater to the widest possible audience in order to generate the largest revenue, the creatives are forced to create relatively conservative artistic product. Hence, creative censorship and our long history of queer subtext.

At Nickelodeon, the artists actually had the support of corporate to move forward with Korrasami because the final season Legend of Korra was only available online. It did not air on their channel. If that had not been the case, corporate would not have approved Korrasami. However, that approval was contingent upon the artists being subtle subtle about Korra and Asami's relationship. Even in this canon ship, the animators relied on subtext for queer romance.

Not helping Disney's case is the cancellation of "The Owl House". Why was "The Owl House" canceled? It didn't fit Disney's "brand". [source]

THE FAILURES OF THE "ORIGINAL INTENT" ARGUMENT IN HOLLYWOOD

The "Original Intent" argument fails when it comes to art in Hollywood because:

Original Intent can change, and often does change, during the creative process. This applies to all forms of art, not just Hollywood.

Multiple artists are involved in pre-production, production, and post-production. At any point in this 3-part process of filmmaking, original intent can be changed for a variety of reasons.

Studio Executives, Boards of Directors, and Corporate Shareholders have more power than the artists in Hollywood. If they think a product will not make money, they will order changes accordingly.

Disney specifically touts itself as "family friendly". Its lack of a lead character (in ANY of its live-action licenses) being in an openly queer relationship with someone who presents as the same sex, is the direct result of not wanting to lose conservative audiences.

Non-Disclosure Agreements (NDAs) are common in Hollywood and prevent artists from providing specifics regarding original intent. This is done not only to safeguard corporate's intellectual property (IP), but to also safeguard their public relations image.

THE ORIGINAL INTENT ARGUMENT WEAPONIZED

The "original intent" mindset can be either very naive or very cynical, depending on the thinker's motives for choosing this belief. Naive, in that thinking creative purity actually exists (it does not) or that oppression does not still occur in Hollywood (it does). Cynical, in that either the thinker doesn't believe in artists intentionally finding ways around mass produced arts' media censorship, which has in turn created our rich history of queer subtext in film, OR the thinker wants the "original intent" argument to invalidate a change they do not like.

The last motive is the same strategy used by fans who reject Miles Morales as being a real Spider-Man. The same strategy fans use to deny that Shuri is indeed the new Black Panther. Both are tactics used to mask racism and sexism beneath the veneer of "creative purity". Fans who have internalized racism, sexism, or queer-phobia may also use this tactic at a subconscious level to protect themselves emotionally from disappointment. Finally, there are fans who use this argument to invalidate another ship, usually a queer ship that cannot be formally canonized because of corporate studio power.

Regardless of the reasoning, using this argument is frequently insidious because it perpetuates straight white male dominance in media representation.

PERSONAL LIVED EXPERIENCE

I'm an old poc queer and have worked in Hollywood long enough to know that the writers' original vision rarely ever--IF EVER--pans out as originally intended. If you ever sit through a movie and wonder why the story feels so weird in certain parts, I can guarantee you that about 2/5ths of the time, a corporate producer stepped in and messed with the original story in post-production (usually in an poor, over-worked editor's dark editing bay) and ordered reshoots the director may not have agreed with.

I've also worked in the industry long enough to know that it is an absolutely toxic work environment in which women, people of color, and queer people still struggle to get a creative foothold anywhere. My first experience pitching a script to a prospective agent involved being asked to meet at a hotel for drinks. We didn't talk about my writing at all. What I thought would be a pitch meeting was actually the writer's version of the "Hollywood casting couch". Yes, I was propositioned. No, nothing happened to me. I walked out. This happened to me in June 2008. It was not my last experience. The "Me Too" movement that came years later in 2017 was in response to situations I have encountered like this.

Those of us who succeed are very rare, and 97% of the time, the executive staff is very, very white and male. There is absolutely oppression and exploitation of all sorts still happening in Hollywood. I fucking lived it and continue to have nightmares about it.

QUEER SUBTEXT STILL EXISTS

Thus, to deny queer subtext's validity as an art form and to only accept the words of those who are either in power or limited in what they can say because of those in power, undermines not only the artists' efforts to tell the story they want to tell but cannot tell explicitly, it also undermines queer joy and queer resistance in cinema. And yes, sometimes those artists are cis straight white male allies who want to tell these stories because they simply make sense for the characters. These people are the artists, not the financiers.

It's more mature to embrace, or at least leave alone, the loud joy others experience from shipping and performing meta-analysis instead of publicly pissing on them with the profoundly weak and ignorant argument of "original intent". Don't mess with me on this. The number of scripts I have worked on that completely warped from what I wanted, and then to have my writing credit removed or stolen, still makes me sick. Yes, I'm bitter, but I'm also glad I left.

[moonlight-tmd]

Imagine if someone new from Elite Guard came to earth to help out and the first thing they land their optics on is Bee.

Imagine a bot- light greyish paintjob with some darker blues, similar to Jazz but resembling an all-terrain car. Let's name him Highway. So Highway got assigned to help out the Elite Team around Earth for some time and then they had to go down to discuss some things in person. While he was having a short chat with Prowl he noticed the little yellow joy running around the plant with some organic.

The smile he had caught his attention, the azure optics so enchanting he couldn't focus on anything else. This was beauty in its prime.

"Who's that?" He asked, ignoring whatever Prowl was saying at the moment. "Oh, that's just Bumblebee. Don't mind him." Prowl answered, following the new bot's gaze to the same example of pure happiness playing with Sari. He didn't think much of it, Highway was probably just bothered by the noise...

What he failed to notice was the the curious look he had when observing Bee.

And so, Highway started to talk with Bee more often. He was very polite and seemed to like hanging out with him. The others noticed that and were happy that Bee had another good friend...

But then it went up a notch. Highway was visiting more often and intentionally asked about Bee to hang out with him. He even started bringing him gifts in a form of sweets, drinks or even some item that he mentioned wanting to buy (which was usually a game).

He even started adressing Bee with some more intimate nicknames. It became quite clear that he was trying to court Bee. And Bee seemed to enjoy it...

Prowl on the other hand... eeeesh, he wasn't taking it easy.

He had suspicions the moment this new bot started going up to Bee more often. Now that he was clearly trying to secude him it was like molten metal flowed thru his fuel lines. He couldn't stand seeing those two chatting together without feeling this seething anger and hurt inside.

He had taken a liking to Bee way before Highway showed up. He never said anything nor made any move, he didn't know how to take an approach to this situation. Seeing this new bot swoop right in and take opportunity made him feel jealous to a degree he didn't want to acknowledge.

At one point Optimus noticed Prowl straight up glaring at the two talking and asked if he was okay.

"This 'Highway' bot... he's up to something." Prowl said in a suspicious tone.

Optimus just glanced at the two happy bots talking, seemingly having some sort of chemistry going on. It was unlike Prowl to act like this, sure he had bad feelings about stuff before but he never acted like this towards them.... "...Are you sure you're not just jealous?"

Prowl only scoffed before replying. "What? Of course i'm not! This guy is planning something, I just know it." Then he left the area, not wanting to continue whatever he was taking about with Optimus before.

So everyone thinks Bee and Highway are hitting it off good together... the truth however, no they don't. Bee has been pretending to like spending time with him out of sheer kindness. While some of the stuff Highway does is actually enjoyable, the overall vibe of the guy and personality... it's just not making that sparkle happen for Bee.

At some point there'll be a moment where Highway and Bee are talking after some mission with Elite Guard and Prowl just has enough. He goes over there and and starts defending Bee, who do mind does show signs of discomfort from the conversation.

"-Why don't you leave him alone already? He clearly doesn't enjoy it!"

"Oh yeah? Well, he's not complaining."

This argument seemed to draw attention to the rest of the party. They just stood there watching it go down. Bulkhead stepped a little closer to Bee for some form of comfort, the minibot himself was both confused and shocked at Prowl's behavior.

"Besides, he's already taken!" Prowl said at some point in the argument.

"You are?" "I am?" This was so confusing, why did Prowl...

"Oh yeah!? And just by who?!" Highway was getting more and more agitated. Prowl just turned around, went over to Bee and grabbed his servo before shooting the coldest glare at the competing bot and saying. "By me."

There was just silence for the next few seconds before Prowl said "Let's go.". Bee jsut had that confused and puzzled expression as he let himself be pulled on a walk in the direction of their home. No one said anything until the two disappeared from the sight.

Prowl was so angry, this stupid jerk..! He shouldn't go after what's not his, Bee's not his sparkmate!... In all that huffing he failed to realize that Bee was in fact right next to him, trying to piece together what has just happened.

"Uh- not to poke the hornet's nest but- are you good??" Bee was more confused that anything.

Prowl seemed to just realize that Bee was there and stopped walking. The guilt of acting so childish and self-claiming that Bee is his made him feel ashamed. He quickly let go of Bee's servo and apologized. "S-sorry. I- don't know what came over me..." He knew exactly what but he wasn't sure if he was ready to admit that yet.

"It's fine, besides- this was getting quite annoying and i didn't know how to tell him to stop. So, thanks for saving my aft back there." Bee sounded so empathetic.. if Prowl actually was looking at him he'd see a little smile shining at him. Instead he just nodded and continued forward, but in a different direction? "Where are you going??"

"On a walk. I need some time alone..." Prowl answered, his voice seemed to lack any emotion attached to it but Bee was around him long enough to figure out it wasn't the case.

Bee was quick to catch up to him tho and walk alongside him. "I don't think that's what you want, considering what you've just pulled."

Prowl didn't anwer, he just kept going forward if not a little bit faster. Bee seemed to not notice. "Y'know... I can hang out with you if ya like-"

"No." Prowl cut him off. He couldn't allow this to be the reason Bee dates him...

"But-" "Bumblebee. Please." Prowl stopped in his tracks once again, Bee following. "I know what I did is... childish. I'm not trying to force you into anything- please, don't feel obliged to..." He couldn't finish the sentence, he felt so stupid and pathetic right now. Not worth of having such pretty ray of sunshine by his side.

"Alright..." Bee was quiet for a moment, Prowl was about to say thank you but got cut off. "Why don't we give it a shot then?"

"Bee.. I just said-" He wasn't getting it,.. was he?

"I know i know! But i'm not doing it because you said so- it's... you're different. And clearly you have something in there i haven't seen yet." Bee explained in his more cheerful tone before his expression softened and tone changed to something more... intimate. " 'sides, me and Highway clearly weren't doing a good job at this romance thing... so maybe you and I can?" Bee offered him his servo, the little sincere smile and a gaze that held nothing but hope. Prowl just looked at Bee before something in him switched... he slowly took his servo and and offered a tiny smile of his own. "...Sure."

"Great! Now- where do you wanna go for that walk?"

It's been nearing 9pm, even tho it was summer and the sun was going down a lot later Team Prime was still worried. The two have been gone for hours with no clear sign of where they went. They were considering calling either one when the sound of shutter opening and closing appeared and Bee's voice calling out "We're back!".

The Elite Guard had gone their way after the mission so it was just Team Prime. Of course, Bee and Prowl got questioned where they've been.

"Just on a walk, we took the long way back... whiiich did give us some time to talk some things out between us." Bee said squeezing Prowl's servo and leaning into his side with a happy smile, Prowl also had a smile.

They all took the hint and congratulated them. Well, all except Optimus who just has a smug expression. "And you said you weren't jealous."

Prowl just groaned quietly while Bee laughed his aft off. It was quite funny tho- it took Prowl someone else threatening to take everything he ever wanted right in front of him for him to make a move.

So those two are dating now... that doesn't seem to have an effect on Highway tho. Even tho Bee is officially taken, he's still trying to win him over despite the fact he's been told to leave him alone by Bee himself.

I don't really know how it's gonna end with this one. There's one lighter scenario where Bee and Prowl just try very hard to push Highway away until he's gone back to where he was stationed before.

Ooooor we can do all or nothing where this mf right here turns full Yandere and kidnaps Bee to force-bond with him. He may have had signs of obsession before but this time ooohoohohoh he's crazy.

He wants Bee to be with him forever, he can't imagine a day without his beautiful mech by his side. And when the Elite Guard and Team Prime try to get Bee back he pulls him close and puts a blaster to both their helms. "IF I CAN'T HAVE HIM- NO ONE WILL!!"

He's about to pull the trigger, Bee is crying and silently begging to some higher forces to help him. And somehow it works. I think either Starscream or Blitzwing will crash int owhatever is happening just to mess around and this helps to get Bee back. Whoever 'con showed up flees cuz it's a lot of autobots and there's just one of them. And the whole deal is over.

Prowl worried that Bee might stop this brief relationship of theirs cuz of this whole mess and aversion to anything to do with love shortly after... but after some time Bee starts warming up to Prowl once again and they have their happy life.

[aroyaltailor]

semi-hiatus (vent warning)

Currently failing Spanish 102 and things are not getting better. In a move that I'm sure will surprise none of those who follow this blog, I am going to be taking a hiatus from any writing. Yes, another break! Another hiatus, putting off work on this blog and leaving the replies I owe to rot in my drafts. The words simply do not come out of me, and I'm still struggling with perfectionism that blocks any genuine attempts at getting anything done. I basically have to learn the entirety of Spanish, or at least the relevant information for the class, because if I fail I won't be able to graduate this semester.

It's the same damn thing every time. I've submitted a request for the counseling service provided by my college, but they have a two week waiting period due to the huge influx of students needing mental health help these days. I genuinely believe that I've reached a point where I need professional help with my writing, and that I have somekind of OCD that prevents me from simply writing the first draft without needlessly fussing over every word.

I really didn't want to have to make this post. I was holding on to the hope that things would be alright. I was hoping that everything would be okay. That I'd be able to create legitimate routines, learn how to comprehend Spanish, and that I would be able to have the time to sit back and focus and work on building this blog.

The first exam of the class is next Tuesday, September 10th. I won't lie, I'm basically spiraling at this point. Self-care is at a total minimum, and I haven't really been taking care of my health either. I'm not eating much, both out of lack of hunger and the simple fact that my household doesn't have any food available. Today alone, I've been slouched over the table in the upstairs study rooms of my college, staring at this damned screen all day. Suicidal thoughts, a bit of self-harm with a pen, it feels just as bad as organic chemistry. And the genuine possibility that I might be kicked out the house if I fail Spanish 102 isn't helping matters. I don't really have anyone to talk to either, not in-person at least. Not really even online either, but that's probably too jaded for me to say. Doubt anyone will even read this, but that understandable I guess. Everyone has their own problems, so many people do, and they can't pause and stop when they have their own concerns to deal with, especially for someone that hasn't really produced anything.

Let's just say it isn't getting better. It's not. It's getting worse. I can't be on here as much as I want to, and I'm beginning to think that I've been damaged permanently by what happened to me. My dad had lung cancer, I did everything I could, but that's all I can say about it. Even just typing that sentence has me bawling now.

I'll either pass Spanish 102 this semester or I won't. If I don't, I definitely won't take it well. I'm sorry for everything I've said about how I'd made progress, or that I'd be around to do replies only to post nothing at all. I'm not doing well and haven't been for awhile.

Hopefully things will get better. But then again, I've said that before haven't I? Time will tell. I'm sorry to everyone for the times I've wasted their time with starters or replies I haven't responded to yet. Blog isn't even finished yet, but if I pass I'll try. I promise I'll try.

[moononmyfloor]

My Year End C-drama Review (2023)

Part 1

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17. Actors I newly discovered in 2023

Hong Yao, Wang Yinglu, Marcus Li, Tian Jiarui, Qin Hailu, Wang Ke

Some of these are new actors, some are already very experienced but I discovered only now. All of them provided phenomenal performances in their roles this year.

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18. Favorite Child Actors of the Year

Wang Haoze (Ou Zimo- Be Your Own Light), Phoebe Sun Yichen (Duoduo- Stay With Me)

Child actors in C-ent always baffle me, I have zero idea how they are SO good. Impeccable performance. I want to take them home. 🥺

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19. Feminist Cdramas of the year

Be Your Own Light, A Journey to Love

The premise of the first is about women to begin with, the second only partially. Most of the time the self-identifying feminist stories fail massively in realistic depiction of women, let alone idol dramas where the focus is elsewhere.

But these two shows really understood what women think and say, their priorities and what they want in life, how they conduct themselves....and not through the eyes of men who assume women crave xyz things only. The arcs and growths of women in these two shows felt very organic and relatable.

(I hear there were few other such dramas this year as well, eg: Faithful. But this is all I managed to watch huhu)

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20. A drama that let me down

Destined

The chemistry of the real-life pair Bai Jingting and Song Yi was adorable, but the story just wasn't my cup of tea.

I absolutely loved their spacious bedroom tho!

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21. Favorite BGM

Be Your Own Light- I Only Wish to Face the Light by Liu Yuning

Stay with Me- Stars Shine by Zhang Jiongmin, Xu Bin

I Am Nobody- Sea of Time by Zhou Shen

Young Blood 2- Lending a Ray of Light by WineQ (圈9)

Romance On the Farm- Letters from Spring by Su Yunying

Silence of the Monster- Cross a City Just to See You by Huang Yi

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22. Favorite wardrobes

Sui Yi (Sun Yihan)'s wardrobe in Silence of the Monster and Pang Hongmei (Peng Xiaoran)'s fits in Unshakable Faith

Oh they looked so delightfully vintage and exactly my style! 😍

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23. Best Breakups

Moxi and Jiagui (Gone With the Rain), Xiangyi and Wanmian (Mysterious Lotus Casebook)

I HAD to include this category simply because of these two pairs. I LOVED those two scenes. So mature! Such thorough discussion about how their feelings have changed over time, the frank admission that there are indeed some remnants left (because contrary to popular depiction, feelings don't POOF overnight), how they'd always consider the other as a special someone that they were lucky to have met in their lives, the wish to remain as tight friends in the future as well.... 🤌🤌🤌👏👏👏

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24. Worst character designs

Road Home

Gods know I only sat through this for Jing Boran in army gear and snow. The characters were so mind-blowingly flat despite the actors giving their best to "understand" their roles and make them relatable but there was only so much they could do. All the interpersonal relationships happened just because the writer said so. There was a child character who was passed from hand to hand for whenever the writer wanted a "warm childcaring and family moment" but was discarded without a glance the next second, I got second-hand abandonment issues from watching that lonely kid. I did not understand why anyone was doing anything at any given moment.

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25. Most convincing villains aka characters I loved to hate

Yuan Hao (Young Blood 2)- Gotta be one of the most dangerous villains I have ever seen. He was insanely smart, unpredictable and cunning AND strong, and it took all the heroes of the story to defeat him and still it was barely enough. He was so well written and portrayed, till the very end of the show the viewers weren't sure of the outcome of the battle.

Jiao Liqiao (Mysterious Lotus Casebook)- AHH Jiao jie! We all love a good unhinged female villain who isn't uwufied in the name of some weird "women should always be portrayed with tearjerking backstory" notion. Let her go crazy all over the place, we support women's wrongs as well as rights! She always meant what she said and did what she meant and it was terrifying to see.

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26. Favorite murder kittens of the year

Gong Yuanzhi (My Journey to You), Li Tongguang (A Journey to Love)

Oh these two bois were VERY disturbing individuals and I wouldn't go within 1 mile radius around them but were them such delightful affection starved meow meows with killer (ha!) hair and eye acting? Heck yes.

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27. A drama that I wished was longer

Romance On the Farm

I really appreciate how 3D and empathetically portrayed all the family members are. We are shown all their sides and what made them what they are today without making a mockery of Asian family values, but rather constructively analysing + celebrating the good parts.

And then there is a political thriller story arc.

And then there is "this is all but a game" part which I had to try very hard to pretend like it's ignorable.

And then there was the basic premiere of the pastoral country life story.

Clearly the dramamakers had LOTS of ideas. And you can see none of them were empty bite-more-than-can-chews but had actual potential.

If only.... it didn't try to do all this at once under the guise of a 26 ep lighthearted fluffy romcom genre.... it would've made such a difference.

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28. A drama I wanted to watch but couldn't

SO many! For all sorts of reasons.

Ray of Light, Butterflied Lover, The Road to Ordinary, Pledge of Allegiance, Where Dreams Begin, There Will Be Ample Time, Faithful, Stand By Me

ARGH!😭

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29. A drama I wish more people watched

Stay With Me

This is a Chinese BL, with Chinese cast, Chinese locations, but produced by a TW company. That's all I'm going to say about it, give it a try. You won't regret it. (Maybe don't watch last episode tho lol)

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30. Most favorite Cdrama of 2023

Mysterious Lotus Casebook

Why? Because... well if you are in the fandom you'd know, if you aren't... I can write ESSAYS about it so I won't 😂 In short, it was such a healing watch.

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31. A Cdrama I'm excited to see in 2024

JOL 2. Obviously.

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Conclusion

2023 served to solidify my belief that there's really no 'perfect' drama, what I can do is listening to the stories people have to share and then take what I want from them, and leave what I don't want behind. Some may resonate more with me, some less. Some may teach me new things, some may feel redundant. Sometimes you will enjoy only 50% of a drama and hate the rest, but that won't diminish the impact that 50% had on you. It could be a totally different experience for another viewer and that's fine. I watched all the DMBJ shows this year as well (but didn't speak about them in this list since my focus was on 2023) and it really was an exercise on not being overly critical and going with the flow or you would totally miss out on all the good things DMBJ had to bring.

Overall I enjoyed 2023 Cdramaland a lot. I hope this review helped some of you to try out dramas that you didn't know existed/were hesitant to press play or continue on!

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More Posts by Me

[spoiledleaff]

Adore your hc of Dew being turned on by domesticity, tell me more?

ohohoho, sweetheart, anon, love of my life? i am so glad you asked!!! >:) i won’t lie, i’ve been holding on to this ask for forever, because i love!! this hc? i can’t explain it, it’s just so much fun to write for! :D i tried to do at least one act for each ghoul, so pardon me if there’s quite a bit down below, haha!

but! without further ado, here’s my notes on the ‘dewdrop gets turned on by domesticity’ idea featuring the era iv ghouls! :D oh! this one does get kinda explicit! or at the very least suggestive! you’ve been warned >:)c

✿ ＡＥＴＨＥＲ.

aether is sappy, so sappy. we know this, the ghouls know this, everyone knows this, yeah? i think part of the reason why aeth’s and dew’s bond/chemistry is so great is because aether keeps doing things for everyone, and dew keeps getting all hot and bothered about it, haha!!

i mean, what’s he gonna do? say no to dewdrop? fuck that.

dew would often spend the night in aether’s dorm when he was first morphed into a fire ghoul, so a lot of this began with their shared morning and night routine.

dew is always the first in bed and the first out of bed. blame it on the mismatched energies of having been/being a water/fire hybrid thingy, haha! his personal routine is a bit more random? kind of like that, ‘i’ll get to it when i get to it’ sort of vibe. it’s honestly only thanks to cumulus that dewdrop has a routine for his hair, and thanks to omega that he has a small routine to help maintain his vessel’s integrity.

aether has a much more solid, organized routine than dewdrop. by far! haha! he’s the kind of ghoul who brushes his teeth. twice per day. without fail! :0 goals, honestly.

so, it kinda started when dew was curled up in aether’s bed, watching aeth out of the corner of his eye as aether waltzes around the room grabbing night clothes, putting away his day clothes, talking idly about his day. and even though dew isn’t offering more than a few grunts or groans in response, aether just doesn’t shut up.

but dew notices that aether’s doing the same thing for him too. he’s packing away and folding whatever clothes he shed from the day’s activities and storing everything together.

the kicker is when aether pops into his bathroom and pops back out with a hairbrush in his hand and he’s looking at dewdrop expectantly.

“… what’s the brush for?” “for you, dew. i’m gonna brush your hair before you doze off. you can talk about your day too if you want, but you’re gonna get tangles and knots if you just go to bed like that. i can braid it too.”

dewdrop had a boner the entire time. aether thought he was just being dramatic when dew refused to flip over, haha!

another part of their morning routine is that aether insists that they brush their teeth together. at least for the mornings.

so, dewdrop begrudgingly surrenders to aether, and they’re brushing their teeth together. dew’s letting his mind wonder as he brushes, and eventually he catches himself staring at aether.

the realization dawns on dew that aether’s staring back, and when aether also catches up, the ghoul just fucking smiles at dewdrop through a mouthful of toothpaste and stupid fucking bubbles.

when dewdrop kisses him, aether tastes like that stupid fake watermelon taste of children’s toothpaste.

they fuck on the bathroom counter, and dewdrop wonders if he can somehow prank aether into brushing his fangs with dewdrop’s own cum.

✿ ＲＡＩＮ.

rain’s a bit more secretly sappy than aether. but! rain’s a little bit similar to dew in the fact that domesticity certainly excites them. rain just isn’t as… painfully obvious.

one of the easiest ways to get frisky with rain is to actually get soft and sappy and obedient with them.

the mummy dust bills gif with dew and rain cOUGH— rain is just that silent dom top where one look communicates all you need to know, haha!

it might be because of the borderline rivalry that these two had when rain was first summoned, but their affections for each other are still a bit more… subtle. at least in comparison to most of the others!

regardless though, rain very much thrives on teasing dew! but, it’s actually a bit double sided, haha! it may seem like teasing to others, but to rain and dew it’s their own love language.

when they spend the night with each other, or even if they just happen to be cuddling on the couch with each other, it’s a fucking war for blankets.

while dew feels hot to the touch, his days as a water ghoul have cursed his vessel by always running colder than most fire ghouls, and rain’s just always fucking frigid.

so, the two ghouls would be sharing a massive fucking blanket, shoulder to shoulder. but, the more and more dew fidgets and shifts, the more blanket he ends up snatching. whether it’s an accident or not is open to debate it’s not. he does this on purpose.

rain might occasionally tug them back a couple times, give the little shit a warning before going back to maybe whatever movie they were watching, or to whoever they may have been talking with.

but then dew does it again. and again. and again.

eventually, rain’s just fucking fed up (read: wants to be closer) with him. twists their body around and just hoists dew’s smaller frame right into his lap. no words, except for dew’s surprised screech and maybe a brief moment of flailing limbs and twisting tails before rain has dewdrop in their lap, his back against their chest, and the blanket wrapped around dewdrop’s lap while rain makes a point of sapping all of the gremlin’s beat through his spine.

“what the fuck-?!” “oh, shut up. you keep moving, and i’m freezing.”

there’s a couple mandatory bitter words directed at the other, but they lack the usual bite. all too quickly, they both settle down into a routine they known like the back of each other’s hand. dew hunches over himself and slumps against rain’s chest. rain’s hands are wrapped loose around dew’s middle, those freezing cold hands of theirs sometimes slipping underneath dew’s sweater and caressing the skin there. rain nuzzles into dew’s neck and peppers little kisses as their hands gently smooth over dew’s upper thighs and abdomen.

when rain’s hand wraps around the base of dew’s erection, the little spitfire melts further against rain. they set a slow, gentle pace. and dewdrop shivers and mewls through the whole thing, blindly grabbing around his body until he finds a perfectly grab-able part of rain’s clothes. when he cums, it’s quiet. and rain doesn’t hesitate to lick their own hand clean before softly kissing the mess into dewdrop’s waiting mouth.

✿ ＭＯＵＮＴＡＩＮ.

mountain isn’t necessarily more on the secretive side of sappy, per say? he’s just genuinely clueless about how the things he’s doing can be considered as ‘domestic’ or ‘sappy’.

he’s very observant. the kind of personality where if you offhandedly mention one thing, he’s going to remember it for the rest of his life. and he’ll surprise you with it to!!

when dewdrop shifted into a fire ghoul, his whole waking and sleeping routine was uprooted too. now his consciousness seems to quite literally be tethered to when the sun rises and sets.

mountain has since observed this in relation to the traditional group breakfast time.

if he isn’t too sore from working around the abbey and from rehearsals, mountain will do his best to wake up before the sun even rises, just so he can beat dew to the kitchen. he has this routine perfect timed and down to a borderline science.

by the time dewdrop lazily slinks his way over to the kitchen, there’s already a near boiling cup of coffee perfectly tailored to his magickally-influenced tastes, placed alongside a bowl of sugar, and a small canister of those flavored creamers dew likes using sometimes. the caramel ones. by then, mountain’s already preparing breakfast with some of the herbs he’s just harvested.

(dewdrop’s taste of whether he prefers black coffee or sweetened-to-heaven-and-back coffee depends greatly on his mood, so mountain never actually prepares his drink for him. but, regardless, since shifting his element to fire, his personal palette has grown pickier about the temperatures of most hot foods. if his food is borderline set aflame, his senses will think it’s gone cold. even though to the typical tastebud, it’s still really hot! it’s even more touching because mountain’s vessel is much more susceptible to burns and damage from heat thanks to his element, so the fact that the earth ghoul is quite literally risking the wellbeing of his hands just to make dewdrop a cup of coffee really gets the arousal pooling hot in his gut.)

something else that mountain will do is leave little notes to the various members of his pack and/or siblings and members of the church that he’s close with. while mountain isn’t necessarily social anxious when safe behind the ministry walls, he still sometimes finds it hard to communicate his wants and needs verbally. so, he’ll write and leave little notes instead.

most of the time they can be sweet and sappy, or even just straight and to the point instructions on how to do something. sometimes they’re fucking filthy—

whenever the notes are specifically directed at dewdrop, mountain’s always crafty enough to leave a breadcrumb trail of sorts that leads right back to him. because mountain knows that dewdrop always tries to chase him down.

the notes are always simple, but sweet. stuff like, “your hair looks pretty today”, “your outfit is cute”, “you performed really well today in rehearsal”, “you fucked swiss over real nice from that bet”. little things :)

they never fail to make dewdrop fucking soaked though.

when dew finally corners mountain in the greenhouse, by the chapel, in the abbey grounds, wherever- that little ghoul will fucking tackle mountain to the ground with an earth shattering kiss and the world’s tightest goddamn hug.

“god fucking damnit, mounty, your handwriting’s so fuckin’ pretty-“ “mhn, not as pretty as you look straddling my waist, sweetheart.”

dewdrop will ride mountain until they’re both seeing stars, and mountain will tell dewdrop about all the other notes he had planned to write before he was caught until dewdrop’s squirting with a keen.

✿ ＳＷＩＳＳ.

aether’s more obviously sappy. mountain and rain are more secretly sappy. but swiss is a genuine wildcard of the ghouls!

one thing's for certain, somehow swiss manages to make affection into a competition!

whereas rain and dew once had a... less wholesome rivalry between them, swiss and dew currently have a much more wholesome, friendly rivalry.

mountain and aether find it cute how the two ghouls somehow manage to make almost everything they do a competition.

swiss tossed dewdrop's favorite blanket into the dryer so he can be less cold on the couch? oh, fuck no.

dewdrop snatched some chocolate from a kind sibling and is saving half of it for swiss? not for long, bitch.

swiss has some clothes of his set aside specifically for dewdrop because he knows how much the little spitfire loves drowning in swiss' clothes? how dare he.

dewdrop shares some of his favorite breakfast with swiss because he woke up late and mountain has already retired to the greenhouse? how. fucking. dare. he.

haha! needless to say, the sappy side of their relationship is honestly just a series of them one upping the other.

whenever the two ghoul’s are both assigned similar cleaning duties, they make a competition out of it. who can clean the grand staircase quicker, who can trap more of copia’s rats, who can do the most dishes, that sort of thing.

(though sometimes both swiss and dew will ‘help the competition’, just to keep things ‘interesting’. though they’d both deny doing something that soft.)

but, there's sometimes moments where swiss will just collapse into a nest of his making for a long series of afternoon naps. and when dewdrop goes into his room to investigate, swiss traps the fire ghoul underneath his heavy arms, and the two fall asleep together.

they spend their day just cuddling and laughing together. blissfully left alone by the others who can probably hear the raucous laughter throughout the entire ghoul's wing.

"fuck, doll, i just adore spending time with you doing a whole buncha nothin'." and dew gets so fucking wet hearing the usually flirtatious swiss say something so soft like that.

swiss, predictably, makes fun of dewdrop for his sudden and clear arousal, trapping dew in his arms as his tail plays with his crotch.

they fuck the rest of the evening away and dewdrop once squirted when swiss said, "wanna keep you in my arms forever and make every day so lazy and lovely as today. just your pretty little face kept alllll to my selfish self, babydoll."

they’re usually inseparable for the rest of the night into the next day.

well, that’s a wrap! i know i only did the ghouls ‘cause i felt so bad holding onto this ask for so long, haha! but! I’ve definitely got my fair share of ramblings for the ghoulette, the older ghouls, and even the papas too!! :) haha, if anyone’s ever interested, i have quite a bit to say on this silly little idea, hehe! ♡

[claireclaymore]

Everlark on movies

or why I just can't hate the movies - Part 1

This post will be polemic, and I am sure everyone will disagree, but I came here to defend romance aspect on the movies.

But first, some important points:

-I do agree the books were totally better while the movies failed in insert romance organically in the storytelling.

-And yes, everlark community is right in be pissed of with the director. He really didn't get the purpose of Peeta and Katniss relationship and that's shows.

-The producers forced the Team Gale and Team Peeta thing to increase the engagement. More Gale and Katniss were their crimes.

That said, what I strongly disagree are following accusations:

-"The movies are Everthorne propaganda and made that ship more popular than the canon one."

-"Peeta and Katniss didn't have chemistry on the movies."

-"On the movies, Katniss was actually in love with Gale, Peeta was rebound."

So this post will cover this fist accusation.

The changes for the love triangule

First movie did insert hits about Gale have a crush on Katniss (the book made this too, but it was implied). In movies Gale is a decent friend (he was there with Prim wait for her, alike on canon), so he is shippable and this create a interesting conflict on the audience, cause her looks like a good match, right?

But then there is Peeta. This guy that happened to be genuinely kind, and was willing to let Katniss win. And in script was implied he did knows it was an act whole time. So in the end of story feels like the audience is strongly divided between two good men, adding the political mess, we do have an exciting cliffhanger.

Then second movies happens and all doubts go away! Again edition cut iconic lines from Peeta, but Josh killed it in all his scenes. Peeta's essential kindness was well portrayed, in my opinion, and made audience really care for him.

It was criminal that they didn't delve deeper into the everlark bed scenes and add new everthorne scenes (that no one asked for), but rewatching it I didn't see much emotions on those kisses (and thanks Liam for having the expressiveness of a door).

In the other hand, the everlark scenes during the games were EVERYTHING! All the drama that was missing in the first film came in full force in the second! The force field scene is so much more theatrical!

And they made the beach kiss sweeter (and personally I love how heartwarming the scene was). I do remember applauding in theater (so... no chemistry my ass)

In short, my reading of the film is that Peeta is not just a cute and passionate friend who Katniss is afraid of hurting by rejecting him. She's falling in love with him. The desperation, the devotion, all of this is perfectly translated in Jennefer's performance. I seriously don't get how someone can see their interactions on arena and think he is the third wheel (and thank you director for don't include Gale's sad face to ruin the moment here).

Feral and in love (overdramatic? overreacted? Yes, but it follows the intensity of Katniss in canon). Will historians say that she is acting like this because of a friend?

Then the two last movies. They finally allowed show Gale being a asshole (I liked that change with calling Peeta a coward, they cut Gale's bullshit in Catching Fire, they had to put in some place). We still have to endure some Gale and Katniss scenes, but again, their ton are pale (basic soundtrack, no creative angles).

But what continues selling the ship is the adversity, the longing. Wherever Peeta appears Katniss just sees him! Gale stay on background or the camera forget him, he is just a desperate man looking at an amazing couple.

You are excellent door Liam!

And all angst, the forbidden love thing make people root even more for Everlark! So no! The movies didnt' sell Everthone or this attempt backfired (or if you disagree, at least see Jennefer isn't on board).

In conclusion, yes the movies made little for the ship, but this little was enough to introduce people to this amazing franchise. The details, the performing, soundtrack, edition all came together to the tip of the iceberg of everlark.

[college-ravings]

Valedictorian Tips #2 pt. 1

Hey everyone!! I hope your week went well!

As I am writing this at 2 AM, my next tip for y'all is to learn how to manage your time. And, I totally get it if you click out of this post right now because hey, I wouldn't believe advice from a girl who has a messed up sleep schedule. Totally valid; however, I urge you to keep reading, and perhaps I can help stimulate some self-reflection.

I'll be the first to say that I was the. BEST. most ORGANIZED student my high school has ever seen when I was a freshman. I kept a detailed, highlighted, and sticky-noted planner tucked in my backpack that I'd whip out whenever the teacher so much as breathed. Right after sports practice, I'd take the fastest shower and plop myself into a comfy chair and grind out all my homework for the day. Then, I'd spend the rest of my time studying for future quizzes, rewriting notes after notes until a small pile of empty blue pens accumulated nearby.

That's right. All the ink in those pens. Gone.

That being said, you'd think that I would sleep at 10pm, perhaps, then wake up at 7am and do it all over again. And you'd be very, very wrong.

Because, while I was getting good grades, writing cohesive essays, and acing chemistry labs, I was also forgoing exercise, eating like trash, failing to practice my instruments, and texting friends that barely cared about me until 2 AM...

...which is, the time it is right now...

...except, now, not everything is the same. Instead of being surrounded by fake texts from fake friends late into the night, I'm writing this and doing the things I love: crocheting, writing, reading, sketching. It's peaceful. It's quiet. My roomates are asleep, and I'm able to work in silence---a welcome contrast to the cacophony that is dorm life. When I go about my day, I plan my studies around the commitments that are also important, like mental and physical health, clubs, research, hanging out with friends, and spending time with my family. Freshman me would have been appalled at the amount of time "wasted." Time that could have been spent studying.

And sure, maybe she's right.

In her eyes. But not in mine, and not in 10th, 11th, or 12th grade me's eyes either.

Find what's important to you, and create a schedule around those activities. It doesn't matter when you do them, as long as you DO do them. I find peace late at night. Some of my friends find peace early in the morning; but truly, manage your time to fit in everything that grows your soul and makes you happy, because yes, school is important, but so is your overall wellness.

And hopefully, you'll find that you have more time and patience throughout the day!

[harvey-guillen]

i had a big brain moment on the way to work

by which i mean i'm once again going to dx one of my comfort characters as having bpd traits

Spike aka William the Bloody (BtVS)

He's messy, he's passionate, he's malleable! He was a shy, rejection-sensitive poet until he became an overly charismatic, rejection-sensitive killer! He thinks love is everything and gives his many lives meaning! But sometimes that love is not love, it's passionate infatuation and involves repeated unwanted pursuit behaviors (aka stalking). His alliances, stances, loyalties, feelings can often change quickly on a dime! He literally took a coat from someone else and made it his whole look and personal signature style (bpd mirroring behavior to an extreme). He was enmeshed with Dru, hot and cold (mostly cold - abusively so) with Harmony, wanted to be enmeshed with Buffy, did get enmeshed with Buffy through an unstable, destructive relationship. He can be myopically focused only on his own needs (granted he IS a vampire) and fail to see others' unless the situation doesn't involve him, then he can see it more clearly than they can (lovers walk). He has weird chemistry with almost EVERYONE (Xander, Angel) because of his superficial charisma!

He splits (quickly vacillating between adoration/idealization and hatred/devaluation) on Buffy in a big way. She's the ideal women, she's the 'bitch' who won't let him take a stationary 'walk' outside her house every night (ie watching/stalking her), she has 'stupid hair', etc. He does this to Dru as well in "Crush" and Harmony on a regular basis (she's his 'baby', she's an 'idiot', she's adorable, she's his punching bag, etc.)

But most notably: he slides into a LOT of different roles in the show. He's villain, lover, hated ally to buffy in s2, annoyance and philosopher in s3, partly neutralized enemy and thanksgiving dinner 'guest' in s4, stalker and sometimes ally in s5, abuser AND abused in s6, serial killer AND redemptive sacrifice in s7 - then ghost turned ally/comedic sidekick turned final battle warrior in Angel S5. Yes, most of this is due to the writers trying to find ways to use James' appeal as an actor throughout the seasons without having to kill off the character, and reportedly it was difficult to integrate him into the plot in a way that felt organic starting in S4. But the end result of this, factoring in James' chameleon-like and committed performances, is that Spike is a LOT of things and slides into these roles with ease even if they don't fully 'fit' him in a way that feels essential to who he is. That's malleability - that's something people with BPD traits can exhibit and even struggle with. Lack of cohesive sense of self -> trying out different roles based on whomever you are drawn to or idealizing -> altering behavior patterns, style, mode of personal expression, etc.

But most convincingly, his entire identity is based on the strength of his emotions and attachments. They take him down so many paths and change him fundamentally as a person. First Dru then Buffy, from being seduced into becoming a great evil to ultimate sacrifice for love and the forces of good. His entire philosophy of life is that it's driven by romantic passion:

“You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other until it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood - blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.”

Listen when I was 14 I was like "huh the excess grandiosity and passionate yet unstable affect and behavior are a vibe here"

And 20 years later I am aggressively tackling my own bpd traits through all the therapy. But was Spike an early awakening of the fact that my emotions run deeper than I'd like? Maybe, maybe not. Still an interesting question.

NOTE: This is just a headcanon/fan analysis using a framework familiar to me. I am NOT seeking to babygirlify or absolve any of his terrible behaviors. I think much of the show is resonant with viewers because many of the characters have a dark arc at some point. Willow is for the perfectionists who hurt themselves and others in their pursuit of avoiding painfully imperfect situations and their own errors. Xander has hero moments but also deep insecurity from his family trauma and a toxic possessiveness of women. Buffy shoulders the weight of the world but finds it hard to express things that torment her internally with those whom she loves. Angelus is the PERFECT metaphor for the cruelty of a first boyfriend who grows cold and abusive after physical intimacy. The show takes us to VERY dark places - and ultimately that is what I take from it, not one relationship, season, or storyline.

[tornapartbythorns]

I'm bored so I decided to write this little essay about myself as a childfree woman ❣️ I love my other childfree girlies <3

I knew I didn't want kids around 14 years old. I have absolutely no chemistry with them and being around them makes me uncomfortable. I dont enjoy being around kids and I have no interest in having them.

I don't see any part of motherhood as being fulfilling. Yes, you have a child that you can dot upon, but in my opinion, that will never trump the amount of labor that goes into raising it. I see absolutely no enjoyment in having my organs rearranged, waking up every night to screaming, cleaning up someone else's shit and vomit, constantly doing housework on top of having a job, and spending absurd amounts of money on things that will either be outgrown, destroyed or thrown out. I'd be absolutely miserable and I would loathe my children.

I am also a nihilist, so I think having children can be extremely self-absorbed. I don't care about my family's bloodline or legacy (it's abusive and confusing as fuck), and I wouldn't want my children to watch me suffer in my old age and be my personal servants. My DNA isnt special and I don't need to spread it. The world has more than enough people and I'm not terrified of my own mortality.

Natalists also love to label the childfree (especially us women) as selfish and insecure. First, who am I being selfish towards? Perhaps the millionaire CEO who needs new employees to pay for his 8th luxury car? Natalists are never able to answer this question. I don't see how I'm being selfish by making choices that don't affect anyone besides myself. I also fail to see how I'm insecure. I'm not dependent on a juvenile human to feel something and add stability to life's uncertainty.

Those who feel obligated to have children are the most insecure, as they either have no sense of self, don't want to disappoint others, or are terrified of the unknown.

Im lucky to have a partner that doesn't want children, either. I look forward to our life together, where we can enjoy each other's company in a calm house with a few pets. I am an adult and a woman regardless if I have children or not (miserable parents who say otherwise should read a dictionary). I don't believe that humans inherently should have value, and thus my lack of children doesn't bother me in any way.

I will not fall into natalist propaganda and expectations, as I am content with my life and I don't need anything else to be happy. I hope more women realize that motherhood is a choice, and that children dont equate to happiness and fulfillment. And I can only hope that society and men will eventually learn to keep their goddamn ugly nose out of our wombs, although it is unlikely.

[murdockmeta]

The earth-65 symbiotes are such a fascinating species! Not just the synthetic ones but the hint that the more well known ones and just the contrasts between the two. Gwen’s eats whatever she does but needs things like cellulose to survive meanwhile the organic ones only feed on brain chemicals such as adrenaline and phenylalanine. Anyways ever think about how Elsa Brock and technically Matt Murdock are Venom’s parents in Earth 65?

thank you for all this interesting information, thats something I'd honestly never noticed before but i also dont really know a lot about symbiotes lol. thats really cool!!

also OKAY LISTEN LMFAO in e65 circles I only ever really hear people talk about Matt's scenes with Cindy Moon when it comes to addressing Matt's canon non-platonic interactions and I honestly think Elsa Brock is way too overlooked on this front

the relationship that we are shown in only a handful of panels is waaayyy more interesting than anything we are given about Cindy and Matt.

Matt approached Elsa, told her he was going to mentally manipulate the Manhattan DA into becoming his personal pocket square, told her he was working with spider woman, told her he was going to go after Norman Fucking Osborne to manipulate and scare the hell out of him, and then told her that he wanted to fund her symbiote project to be the pretty bow wrapping everything together

and she fucking loved it

NOT ONLY WAS SHE ON BOARD SHE WAS FUCKING EXCITED, SHE WAS ESTATIC. she heard "I want to fund your batshit project to create an organism that's extremely dangerous and unstable" and she started FOAMING AT THE MOUTH

I kinda loved Matt and Elsa's relationship and I wish we got to see more of it. They had more chemistry in a single panel together than Matt and Cindy had in the entire kiss they shared. They both love putting on a show, they're both evil (actually, i think elsa's worse than matt to a degree), and they both love controlled chaos.

another detail I enjoyed was that Matt very much lied to Elsa about his true intentions w the symbiote.

in the scene with Osborne, he lays the whole plan out to Norman and Gwen. about the symbiote and harry and everything. and that had kinda seemed to be the original idea until:

first of all, love the banter like genuinely its so fun. second, I love that we find out the reason Elsa is angry isn't because she doesn't like working with Matt due to his reputation or because she feels bad about it. in fact, I think she couldn't care less except for when it comes to how it affects her own career.

She's angry because Matt acted like he was going to keep their true intentions for the venom secret until after it had already worked only to TELL SPIDERWOMAN LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

Elsa was involved in this whole thing because not only did it benefit her research but she also like that it was evil lmfao. like she couldn't understand why Matt would reveal so much to Gwen or even why Matt would want to infect Gwen w the symbiote since Matt already had a way to easily control Gwen through using the "power-up" isotopes.

this whole scene she's basically saying "you wanted to be evil so why aren't you being evil???? we were supposed to be evil together Matt what the fuck????" And she's reasonably second guessing his intentions

what she doesn't know is that Matt was just using her to give Gwen her powers back. Matt didn't actually ever want to control Gwen. he had the hopes of maybe manipulating her into killing him but there were just enough holes in his plan that him failing feels very intentional.

here I am once again pushing my agenda that Matt wanted Gwen to win. he knew the symbiote was going to consume Gwen but he also knew it wasn't a perfect organism. far from it. once again, a win-win situation for him. either the symbiote makes gwen kill him or the symbiote is just unstable enough that gwen can mold it into something that isn't consuming her, therefore making her stronger and better than before.

but anyway. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK I LOVE ANY EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING EARTH 65. OR ANYTHING MATT MURDOCK.

good day to you :)

edit: I just reread your ask and I'm starting to wonder if the symbiote was altered that way on purpose? (to have to consume cellulose, ect. rather than brain chemicals lol) cause both chemicals you listed promotes alertness, alters mood, and regulates body function. specifically phenylalanine is an extremely important amino acid. if the symbiote feeds on these, it takes them from the host. taking important neurotransmitters like that would inevitably cause a destabilization and deterioration of the host (ignoring the fact that the radiation would probably kill them first). Matt certainly didn't want that for Gwen, right? he wanted the symbiote to fuck w her but not like. destroy her. he wanted to keep the mood enhancing qualities while stripping away the more dangerous aspects. gwens already immune to the radiation but the venom needed to be altered to feed on something that wouldn't harm gwen. matt wanted Gwen to have a chance to fight the thing off before it completely took control. he was ACTING like he wanted it to take her over but if that was true he would've left the symbiote in its more organic form. or something closer to it.