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woso-soso · 3 months

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Missing Puzzle Piece Pt.1

Mapi Leon x Reader x Ingrid Engen

Summary: Mapi and you have been together for years, what will happen when a new person makes an appearance in your lives.

Word Count: 3,639

Part 2

Any time words are Italicized it indicates another language being spoken, in the case of this story it will indicate Spanish is spoken.

You’d known María for years, having met when you were barely big enough to ride the fair rides that came into town every year. Meeting at a volleyball camp held at your town's community center, and while María thrived at it you found yourself cowering in the back. Shrinking further into yourself as you struggled to integrate into the game, finding yourself more so on the end of flying balls. Balls you weren't prepared to hit back, leading to more than one frustrated groan from the team you had been forced onto. By the time lunch had come around you were left to sit alone at one of the tables set up, that was until a wild haired girl came bounding over. A smile wide across her face as she sets her lunch down at the seat across from you. You hadn’t caught her name at introductions, having been more focused on not puking on your shoes than learning anyone's names.

“I’m María,” she said, her mouth full of food. “But everyone except my mama calls me Mapi.”

You stare at the strange girl in front of you, her arms covered in doodles. Many of them being extremely detailed, maybe the two of you would have something to talk about after all. “I’m Y/N,” you whisper hoping the much louder girl will be able to hear you.

“So why are you here Y/N, I mean not to be rude but like you seem to hate it,” Mapi remarks not looking up from the food in front of her as she continues to shovel it into her mouth at a speed that was honestly impressive.

“My papa, he got the dates mixed up when registering. I was supposed to be at the art camp next week but now I’m stuck here instead.” You answer somberly. Your papa was doing his best, becoming a single parent suddenly hadn’t been the plan and the two of you took it in stride together. Even when he did mess up, at least he was trying.

“So you like art,” Mapi’s interest piques as she finally slows down to look up at you. You nod softly as you pick at the simple sandwich in front of you. Something you had thrown together that morning because your papa had forgotten to pack lunch the night before. “What do you like to do?”

“Well, I like drawing. My papa just got me a ton of new pencils to try. But I also really like taking pictures. I have this film camera at home, papa says when it's full we can send it off to get them developed. Apparently it's a long process.” The camera had been something your therapist had suggested, she thought it would benefit your dad to see what piques your interest. Helping get inside your mind since getting you to talk was a challenge. “Do you like drawing,” you inquire hesitantly, looking again at the intricate doodles that covered Mapi’s arms.

“I love drawing, my mama says I get ink everywhere but I like drawing on my arms. At least then I get to see them all the time.” Mapi’s answer intrigues you. You could see the cap of a ballpoint pen stick out the top of her shirt having been clipped inside to attempt to conceal it.

“I like that,” you state, a soft smile crossing your face as you look Mapi in the eyes. Her own large smile somehow getting larger.

“Come here,” Mapi says suddenly, “would you like some drawings of your own.” You nod cautiously, moving around the table to sit next to the taller girl. Wiping her hands on her shorts before grabbing the ballpoint pen. “Here, stretch out your arm,” her hand gently takes your forearm, extending it across the table so it lays flat palm up. The pen tickles, but quickly you grow used to it. Mapi works slowly, making small marks across your arm as you relax into the feeling.

The rest of the day is less anxiety-inducing as you switch over to the same team as Mapi, her presence not only calming but protective as you were able to hide behind her. Avoiding any more unwanted contact with volleyballs. When your papa comes to get you you can see him eyeing the ink marks across your skin, a relieved smile crossing his face as he watches you wave to Mapi her matching ink marks clear on her skin.

“So did you make a friend today?” He questions cautiously.

“I think I did papa,” a bright smile appearing on your face for the first time in a long time.

“You got in!,” Mapi shouts gleefully, her arms wrapping around your body. The letter grasped tightly in your hand as happy tears trail down your cheeks.

After meeting Mapi the two of you quickly became tightly bonded. Spending many evenings camped out in each other's bedrooms exploring different art mediums, a football game usually playing in the background as you talked softly. Mapi had always encouraged your photography, she insisted that while you were one for few words your photos always told a story. It was because of her that you got up the courage to apply to art school, the same art school Mapi had gotten into and while she chose to focus on football and not attend you knew it was still the best place for you.

“I did it, I can’t believe I did it,” you mumble into her shoulder. Your tears leaving a damp spot on her shoulder.

“I knew you could do it, your mama would be so proud,” Mapi whispers softly, her hand stroking your hair. A new wave of tears starting at the thought of your mama. She had been gone for so long yet it felt like just yesterday she had been showing you her own camera, a camera locked up safely in the attic.

You pull away from Mapi’s warm embrace slowly, your arms staying connected around her neck. Your stomach twisting as you stare into her eyes, you knew you had feelings for her. It would almost be weirder if you didn’t, the two of you had been inseparable since you were small. You had been there for her through hundreds of football games where she dominated over the boys and she had been there for you while you displayed your photographs at various school events. She knew you front and back, like a book she had read a million times and you knew her the same. Before you can even think about what you're doing you lean in, Mapi making no move to pull away as your lips connect.

Mapis lips are slightly chapped, yet taste like strawberry as if she had just applied chapstick. Her arms tighten around you, pulling you in closer as the kiss becomes more frantic. The pent up attraction between the two of you coming out full force. The sound of your front door closing being the only thing to snap the two of you apart. Your face most certainly flushed bright red as you stare at the carpeted floor under your feet.

“I’m sorry,” you breathe, quickly wiping your face clean of any chapstick. The strawberry scent lingering.

“Why?” Mapi asks quietly, leaning back on your bed. Watching you as your brain races a mile a minute.

“I shouldn’t have just jumped you like that, I just… I assumed things and I’m sure they aren’t correct,” your voice cracks as you try to keep from crying. Embarrassment is clear on your face with your blazing red cheeks.

“How do you know,” Mapi asks.

“How do I know? Because come on Mapi look at you and look at me, it's silly to think we could be anything more than friends.” You mumble.

“Well firstly, best friends. Secondly, what do you mean look at you? You are the most amazing person I know, I’m honored you like me that way. I’ve liked you for a long time now, I just never had the courage to say anything.” The two of you sit in silence for a moment, Mapi’s words hanging in the air.

“Really?” You whisper, turning to look at her.

“Really,” Mapi says, her hand taking yours.

The two of you are practically inseparable after that, wherever Mapi goes you are sure to follow. For years you worked at small photography studios, focusing on simple family portraits, weddings, and other parties. But by chance there was a day you got asked at the last minute to photograph Atlético Madrid's game against Real Sociedad. Atlético’s regular photographer had fallen ill and of course Mapi took this as a chance to throw your name out there. Sure some of her teammates were aware of your relationship but that didn’t seem to be a hindrance as you trekked out to the sidelines of the pitch, camera and monopod in hand. The game goes well, except for the occasional stray ball you stay safely tucked away capturing the high emotions of the game.

“Did you get my good side,” Mapi jokes as she approaches, her cheeks flushed from having just finished a full ninety minute game.

“Now when did you develop a bad side?” Your eyebrows raise in question as you continue to pack up your gear, preparing for a long night at home editing.

“Just checking, just checking” Mapi smirks, hands raised in surrender as she turns to take off back towards her teammates.

While that night is long. You curled up on the couch as Mapi’s head rests in your lap, her soft snores reminding you how late it was, your hand gently combing through her hair as you edit the lot of photos you had taken. Only finishing as the sun begins to rise, a nagging headache forming behind your eyes as you close your laptop.

“Come on love, let's go sleep properly,” you grunt as you nudge Mapi off your lap.

“What time is it?” Mapi groans as you drag her to her feet. Her eyes barely opening enough to see her surroundings.

“It's either very late or very early, let's not think about it.” You say as you push her into bed, joining her on the other side. Burying yourself under the covers, hoping for at least some restful sleep.

What you hadn’t expected to come from the game was a permanent job offer from Atlético. They insisted they needed a photography assistant and that if you wanted it you were more than welcome to have it. It wasn’t something you even need to consider, quickly accepting the offer on the table. In the three years you were with Atlético you learned as much as you could, following the lead photographer like a shadow. Getting to know the coaches and players, learning where to draw boundaries with Mapi, you may be together but you weren’t about to risk either of your jobs because of it.

That's what made it so hard to leave, when Barcalona came knocking at Mapi’s door it would have been stupid to say no. But the dread of having to start over in a new city made you nervous. You were already away from home most of the time, only seeing your papa a few times a year. You had finally established a career in Madrid, but at the same time you knew you couldn’t be away from Mapi. The two of you moved in tandem for a reason, you were two pieces to the same puzzle. You would rather put your career on hold to be there for her then be in Madrid, alone.

Things fall into place easily in Barcelona, a job as an editing assistant for the men's team opens up only a few weeks after you move in with Mapi. Sure it wasn’t where your passion lied but it was something.

“How are you settling in my love,” Mapi asks one morning as the two of you laid together in bed, the sun leaking in through the slightly open curtains. Her hand tracing shapes along your spine.

“It’s okay, I wish I was with the women's team but it's okay, it's a start.” You knew deep down your only actual chance to work with the women's team would be if someone leaves, and who would leave working for the most successful team in the league.

“It will happen one day, they will see just how talented you are and they won't be able to deny you the job you want.” You appreciated Mapi’s optimism, she had always been your biggest cheerleader. Reassuring you throughout the years as the two of you grew and changed with one another.

“Thank you my love, we can hope, but let's not get them too high.” You whisper softly, tracing the tattoos that cover Mapis arms only stopping once your alarm interrupts your morning peace.

The two of you go your separate ways when you hit the gate at work, her slipping off to practice as you make your way down the never ending hallways. Passing offices of people important enough to have actual doors, eventually settling into your small cubical towards the back of the room. A place you can tuck yourself into and hide from the rest of the office.

This continues for years, Mapi and you continent in your relationship never really sharing it with others outside of your family and friends. Your social media staying very much private, especially as you start to get more attention from fans of the team for the photographs you take, having been promoted to the men's team head photographer. You were happy, sure you had hopes and dreams you were still working towards but you found yourself fond of the simple everyday routine that you and Mapi had formed.

That was until you literally ran into a goddess.

The tall dark haired beauty had exited the main conference room right as you were passing, not a chance for either of you to stop as you collided. The box of hard drives crashing to the ground as she grabs your arm to stabilize you.

“I’m so sorry,” the brunette says quickly, a thick accent making it challenging for you to understand. Your limited understanding of English not aiding in the matter.

“It.. is.. okay,” you stammer out, hoping you said something okay. The soft smile on the woman's face giving you some reassurance that you had.

“I’m Ingrid, I just signed on with the women's team.” The woman you now know as Ingirid declares, her hand extended towards you. Your mind going blank as you gently take her hand.

“I am Y/N,” you say with less confidence than her.

“Well, it's very nice to meet you Y/N.” Ingrid declares, dropping your hand to bend down and retrieve the box you had dropped. Thankfully none of the hard drives had fallen out.

And with that she was gone, your mind racing at warped speed. The tingle on your skin from where she had been holding your arm reminding you of the feelings that had coursed through you. A sudden wave of nausea washing over you as Mapi popped into your mind, your fun, sweet, goofy Mapi. How you could even think of another woman, one you don’t even know, one who will have to work with your LONGTIME partner. This sudden feeling of guilt settling into your stomach.

You avoid the topic with Mapi for the next few days, a weird silence falling over your shared apartment any time work is brought into the conversation. You know she can tell something is wrong, you can feel her watching you as you try to keep yourself distracted in the apartment. Being barely able to sit still for more than a few minutes at a time this sudden influx of anxiety being clear as day to anyone who knows you.

It isn’t until one late night when you get home from traveling with the mens team that you and Mapi finally talk. She had stayed up late, catching you as you snuck in the front door.

“Please, my love, come talk to me. Somethings wrong, I can tell.” Mapi’s words make your heart ache, looking into her eyes you see someone who so desperately wants you to open up. Something that you had never seen before, up until now you and Mapi had never had issues communicating. Communication was actually one of the things the two of you pride yourselves on, something many of your friends were actually stunned by when they first learned how open the two of you are.

You take your time to drop your bags, sliding your shoes off as you close the door behind you. The pit of anxiety growing more into a black hole. Sitting down next to Mapi on the sofa, not daring to look at her. The two of you sitting in silence for what felt like hours, Mapi’s hand gently grasping yours.

“What is going on in your mind my love,” Mapi whispers softly as she tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“I… I um, I met one of your new teammates last week.” You swallow, tears pricking at your eyes as guilt eats away at you. “She bumped into me in the main offices,” you whisper looking over at Mapi as she watches you intensely.

“Did she do something to you?” Mapi asks, a hint of urgency in her tone.

“Nothing bad I promise, she probably doesn’t even remember meeting me. But… when she held my arm to keep me from falling I got this feeling.” You turn away from Mapi again, not wanting to see the look on her face. “And I hate this feeling, it's a feeling I’m only supposed to have with you, yet my skin burned where she held it. I feel like I’m betraying you even though I haven’t done anything.”

You don’t dare look at Mapi, her hand hasn't left yours and she never shifts further away from you. But this feeling of guilt settles in your stomach, the fear that she will be angry at you for your unwanted thoughts lingers in the back of your mind.

“Who was it?” Mapi asks after a few long moments.

“What?” The shock is evident in your voice as you snap your head to look at her. Having expected anger, not curiosity.

“What is her name? Who is it?” She asks again, meeting your eyes, a soft squeeze of your hand reassuring you.

“She said her name is Ingrid. I think she just signed on with the team.” Sharing the only information you had.

Mapi takes a moment to process what you had said, gently wiping the tears from your cheeks as she takes you in. “It’s okay,” she reassures after a moment. “I am guilty of the same,” Mapis' words shocking you.

“What?” You hiccup.

“I have had the same feelings you have had for her, I’ve been struggling with them to my love. She is… enticing to put it simply. I don’t blame you for feeling this way about her.” Mapi’s words both alarm you and reassure you. You had felt some security in knowing that while you held these feelings there was no way you were going to interact with Ingrid again. But knowing that Mapi also held those feelings, for someone she is seeing everyday, traveling with, showering with. A sudden wave of fresh tears form in your eyes.

“You… you like her too. Were you ever going to tell me?” You ask suddenly, pulling your hand away from hers.

“Of course I was, it's not like I would ever dream of acting on those feelings. I was worried about you. You’ve been acting off.” Mapi defends.

“I’ve been acting off because I find this person attractive, the same person you apparently find attractive. A person you will be spending time with, alone.” A tone that isn’t anger but more so anxiety present in your voice.

“I’m not going to ever act on it, I love you, that isn’t changing.” Mapi insist.

“But what if you eventually find you are loving her? She seems charming, pretty. What do I have to compete.”

“You aren’t competing my love, there is no competition.” Mapi’s words hang in the air as you process all that has been shared.

But what if you want to share? The thought of Ingrid making your heart flutter, not in the way Mapi makes it flutter but in a way that feels like she completed the puzzle the two of you were pieces in. Your love for Mapi hadn’t changed, it had only grown over the years, but the thought of Ingrid felt like your heart was whole.

“What would you think if I thought dating Ingrid would be appealing, if I thought she would fit in well with us?” You ask hesitantly.

“Are you asking if I would want to open our relationship?” Mapi asks.

“Not open, it wouldn’t just be anyone. Just Ingrid.” You respond, watching Mapi out of the corner of your eye.

“I… I wouldn’t be opposed, not if she would be okay with it. She would have to want both of us, I’m not losing you because of someone else.” Mapi whispers.

“I don’t think you would have to ever worry about losing me.” You say softly as you place a gentle kiss on Mapi's cheek. “Let's think of it this way, if Ingrid shows any interest we consider it. But we will not tarnish us by seeking it out, okay?”

“I’m okay with that,” Mapi agrees, her arms wrapping around you tightly as the two of you sink back into the couch. A million thoughts racing through your mind as everything that has happened catches up to you.

#woso imagine #woso imagines #woso x reader #mapi leon x ingrid engen x reader #mapi leon imagine #mapi leon imagines #ingrid engen imagine #ingrid engen imagines #barcelona femeni imagine #barcelona femeni imagines #mapi leon x reader #ingrid engen x reader #woso fanfics

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writers-advocate · 1 month

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sfw alphabet | l.h.

description: just some sfw headcanons for logan ♡ [requested]

cw: maybe a little angst

affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

three words: acts of service. he loves doing things for you. he especially loves being able to do things for you without you having to ask. physical touch is another big thing, that takes some getting to for sure, but when you get him there, he’ll make you feel so so loved. especially any part of you you’re insecure about

best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start)

best friend? baby, he set his sights on you and immediately knew he wanted to be more than friends. that aside, once you’re together, once you’ve “worked your magic” on him as he says, he is absolutely your best friend. shoulder to cry on, moral support, someone to listen to all the chisme from the day. he’s always there for you, even if he may seem a bit aloof

cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

he loves cuddles once you get past his fear of hurting you. it’s a struggle, it takes some patience, but when he eventually grows more comfortable, he loves when you’re both on your sides, the feeling of you curled into his chest, his arms secure around you. any position where he pretty much envelopes you, he loves

domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

sigh… he doesn’t think he’ll get the chance. but yes. yes he so badly wants to settle down once he meets you. he can’t stand when he has to be away from you for so long. he just wants to make your coffee in the morning while you pack his lunch and you take each other to work. if you even have to work

i think, at first, he doesn’t really know his way around the kitchen. very basic things he’d make on the road if he had to. but eventually, with a little practice, he makes amazing food. and we all know he’s a little messy but he does his fair share. never wants to make you lift a finger if you don’t have to

ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

if you guys are still a work in progress with him opening up, he likely tries to scare you away. he’d never hurt you, you know that, but he knows (read: thinks) he’s scary. sharp words he doesn’t mean in a voice he never uses for you. he knows how to be cruel. he will use it if he feels he has to

if you guys have been together a while, you’ve jumped through many hurdles, he likely begs you to stay away from him because he “knows” he’ll hurt you. that this is for the best, he’s no good for you. (don’t let him throw away the only good thing he’s got in his life)

fiancé (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

the first time he tries to scare you off and you just hold him instead, that’s the moment he knows you’re the one. the moment he knows he wants a ring on your finger with his name on it. the only way you might possibly get this information out of him (because he doesn’t want to give you false hope) is if he’s beyond black out drunk. or if he’s feeling particularly sappy from being comforted after a nightmare. good luck

gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

90% of the time, he’s the fuckin sweetest. but there’s just, a slight twist to every touch. he kisses you like you’re his whole world, but with an air of desperation that seems like he thinks you’ll disappear at any moment. he hugs you like you’re his most precious belonging, but every comfort item ends up a little worn (read: he squeezes pretty tight)

emotionally, he might be a little oblivious, but that doesn’t mean he can’t understand. you just need to be willing to communicate with him. even if he struggles to do the same with you

hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it and what is it like?)

refer to the above. he loves hugs. he gives the best bear hugs, enveloping you in those strong arms and squeezing you to his broad chest. as for how often? as often as you need/want. to use a cliche, he’s a walking teddy bear, and he doesn’t mind you treating him like one

i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

he never says it. it takes so so long for you to hear those three words from him… but it is in the little things. the little touches. the little squeezes. the protective, nearly possessive behavior. he loves you. you know he does. you just need to be willing to see it rather than hear it for a while

jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they get jealous?)

baby, i think this one’s better left for the other alphabet. all jokes aside, logan’s a sweetie. we know he is despite trying to come off as otherwise. but we also know he can be a bit… primal. you’re his. his territory. his pretty little thing. what does an animal usually do to show it? mark it. marks, all over the fuckin place

on the flip side, sometimes he might get a little self conscious. in his head, you deserve better. he’ll try to pull away, but if you pull him in and kiss him in front of whoever might’ve set this off, he eases up, losing himself in you instead

kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

he will kiss you all over. he’s soft about it if he’s kissing your cheek, your forehead, your temple. he’s a tease when his lips brush along your jaw, your throat, your collarbone. but when he’s kissing you, properly, especially if he’s been away from you for too long, he kisses you like it’s the last time he’ll ever have the chance, leaving you breathless

bonus: morning kisses are always super soft, when you’re both still wrapped in the haze of sleep

look he loves kisses from you anywhere, but what he’ll never admit is that he feels like he might melt when you kiss his knuckles. they’re a source of pain, always have been, and he used to think they always would be. but the soft feel of your lips on the sensitive skin is like nothing else

little ones (how are they around children?)

he’s great with kids! he’s a little better with the younger ones than you’d think. it’s the innocence, the kindness. something he wants to protect more than anything. but as we’ve seen with rogue, and eventually with laura, he’s a lot better with the teens too than he thinks. they know they can come to him if they’re ever in need

morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

after a bad night, you don’t let him do anything for the first hour or so of daylight. he’s learned not to argue with you when you bring him breakfast, and why would he when you sit behind him, chest flush to his back while he eats?

if it’s been a good night, an easy night, he’ll still wake up before you (usually) but he finds you tucked into his side, one leg over his and your hand over his heart. he wishes every morning could be like this as he takes your hand and brings it up to kiss your fingers

night (how are nights spent with them?)

expect many nightmares. at least for a while. sometimes he just needs to get up and do something. keep him company. sometimes (further into the relationship) he’ll talk through the memories. just listen. and sometimes he’ll be the one laying on your chest. just hold him. just let him hear your voice, let him listen to your beating heart, and let him know you will always be here

the more fun nights, well, we’ll leave that for the other alphabet. but he does enjoy a good beer or glass of whiskey, sat in front of the tv with you happily draped across his thighs, free hand squeezing at your hip, your thigh, absentmindedly, as you whine about being sleepy

open (when will they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or do they reveal little things slowly?)

if we’re talking likes, dislikes, habits, and hobbies, he won’t hide any of that. he might even invite you along to certain things, or at least to keep him company

if we’re talking something deeper, he wants to tell you everything as soon as the first thing slips. he simply can’t. it’s too overwhelming. both for him and (he thinks) for you. some things he simply might never tell you, but trust that if it’s important, you’ll know it. eventually

patience (how easily are they angered?)

he’s got a temper on him. sue me but i’m a firm believer in the “you’re the best bet to calm him down” trope. he’ll try to push you away but it’s easy to tell when he’s calm enough to actually hear you out, and when he needs a little more time, and maybe your touch. even if you’re the one he snaps at, it’s safe to assume something else was already setting him off, you just happen to be in the line of fire. trust that he’ll always make it up to you, one way or another

quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every detail or forget the minor things?)

everything. he will remember everything. his memory may always be fragmented but you? he will remember that thing you looked at a little too long at the shops. he knows what dish to ask for on your behalf if you’re out for dinner, what to add to or remove from it. miraculously, the fridge and the pantry always have your favorites in stock. fresh flowers of your favorite kind never seem to wilt on your dresser

remember (what is their favorite moment of your relationship?)

the very first time you fell asleep on him. he doesn’t know how to explain it, so i will. something within him was so touched that you trusted him like that. it likely stemmed from his own struggles with sleep. not only that but you looked absolutely adorable. he’s still got the single picture he took of you that night tucked in his wallet. you don’t know about it

security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

incredibly protective. it doesn’t matter if he knows you can handle yourself. in his opinion, you shouldn’t have to. he won’t take any chances on losing you, anything but you

he doesn’t need protection, according to him. but if you stand up for him, defend him, maybe get a little fiery? he can’t deny that it sends warmth through his chest, and makes him want to take you home and show you just how much he appreciates you

try (how much effort do they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts)

he will act like it’s no big deal but he always, always manages to get it all just right. he doesn’t go overboard with gifts or dates. he knows just what you like and he’s not gonna go fucking it up because he wants to impress you. he knows you’ll appreciate his attention to detail more anyway. like i said before, his memory when it comes to you is absolutely infallible

ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

sounding like a broken record here but trying to protect you from himself. pushing you away any way he can, though cruel words will dissipate the further into the relationship you get, and closed off silence will replace it instead until you coax him back to you. back to comfort. back to safety

vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

he knows he looks damn good and the worst part is that he barely has to do anything to achieve it. his stupid hairstyle (firmly believe those are just cowlicks) and fashion sense just, work. it doesn’t hurt if you wanna compliment him though. he’ll preen under your shower of affection and praise

whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

yes. god… don’t break him like everyone else. please

xtra (a random headcanon for them)

if you guys couldn’t tell, i have a thing for his heightened sense of smell. you asked him once what his favorite scent was and he told you something so specific, you bought several candles in an effort to match what he described. little do you know he was describing you. you are his favorite, and all the synthetic oils and waxes in the world could never come close

yuck (what are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)

we’ll go with something pretty straightforward here. if you’ve got a stupid self sacrificial streak, he will lose his mind. you can’t be scaring him like that. it’s one of the few things that will genuinely set him off on you specifically, because it’s one of the few things that truly terrify him

Zzz (what are some sleeping habits of theirs?)

for a while he had the habit of moving away from you in his sleep. the problem was (neither of you knew this of course) that it made his nightmares worse. it’s understandable why he did it, especially after the incident with rogue, but you trust him, and eventually he’d finally be able to bring himself to trust that he could hold you. when he’s finally able to sleep with you in his arms, his hands have the habit of wandering… take that as you will

#advocate writes #logan howlett #logan howlett imagine #logan howlett x reader #logan howlett fluff #logan howlett headcanon #wolverine

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legy · 3 months

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hi! i'm caelum. you might know me from @goldentruths-pod or from posting online. im in a financial quicksand pit and i really, really, really need help.

i'm disabled and receive approx ~$950 a month from social security. this has gone from "rough but survivable" when i first started receiving SSI to "i am literally not making ends meet" in 2024. right now my current status is that i am covering my basic needs but any kind of extra purchases are impossible. and the extra purchases i need to make keep piling up because i just can't afford them. some things i need include, in vague level of priority:

dolphin, my cat, is years overdue for a vet visit. this is going to be $300 minimum, possibly more because she has an adversarial relationship with the vet. she needs dental work done which they had quoted me as being $1500 but ive been putting it off for so long that i would not be surprised if that's more expensive too

i have learned today that my gold crown needs to be replaced. really unhappy about this one. it was a miserable experience the first time (everything that went wrong did go wrong, i'll spare you the details) but what is relevant here is that my insurance does not cover this and it was $900 last time. insurance also does not cover extracting the tooth either so that's cool. i have some time before this one is due (my next consult is in july)

my phone is approaching "unusably broken". i've had it for close to 4 years now. the call speaker no longer works (i can only use the phone on speaker mode) and it struggles to run apps or a web browser which makes things like GPS pretty dire. this would be like ~$100-$150 probably, i havent done serious phone shopping yet

my driver's license is expired and i need to get a new one. this was $110 last time. note i havent driven a car in years due to the disability but it's really valuable to have a universally recognized form of photo ID and ive already been hassled over it being expired

god this one is so embarrassing to get into but i had to flee my previous apartment last year due to it escalating into a DV situation. the other tenants did not pay the heating bill, which was in my name (and my dumb ass didnt close the account because it was the middle of february and i didnt want to freeze them to death) so i have a $250 utility bill in collections. i might be able to dispute or debt forgiveness this one but tbh ive been so fucking drained given everything else going on and also my phone barely works so i havent pursued it. especially since i can't afford to pay it if i cant challenge it

i would really like to have a passport again. my previous one was destroyed by my landlord in 2018 but even if it wasnt it'd also be expired now. not sure how much this one costs. likely $200?

my food stamps were slashed in half (covid emergency ending lol) and do not cover my food costs for the month so im paying like $150 a month on food that i didnt have to previously. i can maybe fix this one but im slowly losing my mind from malnutrition from trying to not go into debt and also eat. so i havent had it in me to go 1v1 welfare bureaucracy and possibly make everything even worse

my shoes are probably two months out from fully decomposing. they were $100 three years ago and id like to get something comparable given they lasted me this long

the rest of my clothes are also very literally becoming threadbare, falling apart, or are too big and keep slipping off. i legitimately feel embarrassed to go in public these days because i dress so shitty all the time

insurance doesnt cover my HRT anymore so that's $30 a month i didnt used to have to pay

im sorry this turned into such a ramble. i'm in such a bad way right now, i have been for quite a while and the dental work news is really just the final straw. i can't really have a fundraising goal because due to the SSI asset limit i can never own more than $2000. & i'm aware both that this is the poor people sending each other the same 20 dollars website and that there are people urgently trying to raise money to escape an active genocide. but i held off from making this post as long as possible & idk what else i can do

anyway if theres anything you can contribute to help me i would appreciate it more than anything. at the very least i need to do something about my tooth.

http://paypal.me/hivehum

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weebsinstash · 9 months

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They often say food can be a language of love, and one of the things that started driving Suguru into a deeper depression was eating curses that tasted horribly disgusting and then also not being able to eat normal food, so I was thinking about a story concept where Reader through whatever means can actually give Geto his sense of taste back and actually ease the discomfort he experiences when eating curses, and he forms a deep gratitude/obsession/love because of it

Obviously i publish yandere stuff but it doesn't mean up in Brain Land that I don't think of other ideas, action, adventure, what not, and recently I've been thinking of -also this was kind of for yandere purposes too actually lmao- Reader having a technique along the lines of "Cursed Memory Manipulation"

You can manipulate curses just like Geto, only you do it by affecting their memories into thinking you're an ally or friend or master or whatever gets them to obey. There are limits, but if it's some mindless creature, you're basically a Pokemon trainer. But I was thinking, can you imagine being his classmate who he has way too much depression to fully pay attention to, he's eating less, he's losing weight, losing sleep, and one day you're eating lunch near him and see he's struggling to keep food down, and he leaks vague details about how he keeps thinking about the taste of curses and how food doesn't taste the same.

Here you are, genuinely wanting to help him, just casually like, "well, what if I take a bite of this food, and then when you take a bite, I put my memory of what it tasted like in your head while we eat together" and it's some spur of the moment idea that he's too tired to argue against you about, so he does it to humor you and get it over with and. It works? It actually works??? He can taste and the world is beautiful again?

Oh sure, it starts off sharing lunches with him, but he's basically unable to normally eat without you, so, he all but glues himself to you at all times so you can eat all your meals together. At his worst, a yandere Geto would just immediately outright insist on if not demand marriage, because how ELSE are you two going to share every meal together? He may even force you to cook for him to make the meals you two eat all the more special. You're just his little Patron Saint of Snacks who can actually give him an appetite again

And I guess as a bonus, the idea I was originally tacking the concept of Cursed Memory Manipulation onto was, vague but, it was the idea of, what if Reader is losing a fight and is at genuine risk of being killed and you use your technique to fill your attacker with memories of you, and maybe you don't exactly have time to think and it turns out to be something really personal, something really intimate, whatever can get this person or creature or curse or whatever to stop attacking you. Sukuna suddenly remembering you as an old flame who he suddenly has too many fond memories of fucking to simply kill you. Mahito stops himself from slicing you open when he's suddenly recalling playing all kinds of games with you, running around as kids, memories of a childhood that didn't exist yet appeals to his young heart.

It's also totally different but I've also thought about 1. What if Sukuna gets in Itadori and finds out the young man isnt all there when it comes to you with Sukuna absorbing some of Yuuji's feelings for you, and then when he jumps to, his current host, HE ALSO had feelings for you, so now Sukuna is like secondhand driven mad with yandere fever and 2. What if after Kenjaku bodysnatches Geto, he runs into you again one day and all of Suguru's repressed and Strong STRONG feelings for you start surging forth and Kenjaku just HAS to keep you around as his new pet at the very least because he just can't shake all these new obsessive thoughts and the literal goosebumps he gets when he looks at you

#yandere jjk #yandere x reader #yandere suguru geto #suguru x reader #i dunno what tags people use for him #sinprompts #yandere stuff

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cherryredstars · 1 year

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Pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x gn!reader

Warnings: Fluff, References to Trauma/PTSD

Summary: Simon in a relationship!

A/N: Love this man, and I’m not sorry.

Word Count: 1.7K (Edited)

Ideally, Simon wouldn’t want to date someone with a military career like him. All he really wants is to have someone to come back home to, and that’s hard when the both of you might be deployed at different times. Plus, he doesn’t want anyone else to see the things he’s seen. He can barely take care of himself with all the PTSD he keeps with him, he doesn’t know how he would be able to care for someone else who’s struggling like him.

At the same time, he’s paranoid of strangers. You never know what they might be hiding, if they’re undercover spies of some sort or hitmen trying to kill the man that’s already dead. He knows everyone has secret intentions, everyone always wants something. Even if it isn’t malicious in nature.

I don’t think Simon would date an overly nice neighbor who wants to take care of him when he returns from missions. He’d be too suspicious of them and think they’re trying to poison him with the food they bring him. I think his partner would end up being someone he meets purely by accident or someone he sees constantly. Like a barista at the local coffee shop or a cashier at the grocery store he used to work at. If it’s by accident, it must be the most bizarre scenario ever, or else he’ll think it was set up. Like maybe you storm up to him, accusing him of something and he has no idea what you’re talking about, only to find out you're chewing out the wrong person.

Simon would take it slow, not promising you anything. But, he’d still ask you if you would like to hangout after he gets back from duty. When you agree, he thinks about it all the way to base, then pushes it out of his mind once he puts on his skull mask. There isn't any time for distractions if he wants to make sure that hangout happens. You guys would go on multiple dates before he asks you to go out with him. He finds the tiniest bit of tension falls off his shoulders when you say yes.

In the beginning of your relationship, Simon never had his back turned towards you. When you guys are together, he’s always facing you or trailing behind you. He never stood besides you and when you guys slept in the same bed, his chest was facing you with a slight space between the two of you. He never really let you touch his back or hug him for more than a second. This was because it, literally and figuratively, prevented you from stabbing him in the back. He went through a lot of shit before he met you, still has to deal with it when he gets deployed for duty, so it’s natural for him to be distrusting and cautious. Even towards someone he agreed to attach himself to.

The day you walked into a room and he didn’t instantly turn around confused you. You thought that maybe he didn’t hear you, so you kindly announce your presence. When you tell him that you’re there, he still doesn’t turn around and continues what he’s doing. All he responds with is, “I know.” You had blinked in confusion before the widest smile appeared on your face. You said nothing else and continued doing what you needed to in the kitchen, both of your backs turned to each other. That same night, Simon turned on his side in his sleep, his chest facing away from you for the first time.

Simon’s love language is physical touch, and he thinks it’s the cruelest joke ever because that’s the thing that scares him the most now. He’s scared to touch you. He’s scared his rough hands will tear up your skin like sandpaper. Scared that he’ll hold on to you too strongly and you will bruise and shatter under his touch. He’s scared that when he removes his hands from you, a bloody hand print will stain your skin, just like the blood of the thousands of people he’s killed stains his. He has to build up to it. Has to flex his hands to stop himself from constantly grabbing on to you. He keeps a small bottle of hand sanitizer in his pocket, and he uses it whenever he has that urge to touch you, like maybe it’ll protect you from him if he gives in. When he comes home from a mission, he washes his hands raw before he gets into bed and holds you.

When he finally touches you, it’s small touches. The brushing of knuckles as he passes you, a small grip on the back hem of your shirt to tell you to stop walking, linking your pinkies together on a busy street, him brushing a bit of hair out of your face when you talk to him. Fleeting things that never last long but causes his heart to soar hours afterwards and for you to smile the rest of the day. As the relationship progresses, they last longer and get more bolder. But they still have the same effect on the both of you.

His favorite receiving love language from his partners are acts of service. Likes when he goes to the cupboard, knowing he’s on his last tea bag, only to find a brand new box of tea next to the old one. Loves when he comes home from a mission to find his mug already on the counter and the kettle is on. Likes walking into the bedroom to find a set of clothing laid out on the bed for him. He appreciates that you already have dinner in the fridge for him to heat up, that you already took out the trash and washed the dishes so he doesn’t feel compelled to do them in his exhausted state.

His heart warms when he sees his spaces. Or the spaces that are meant to be filled with his things. Like they’ve been waiting for him, like you’ve been waiting for him. He likes walking through the door and seeing the empty space on the floor next to your sneakers, meant to hold Simon’s heavy duty boots. When he walks into the kitchen, he stares at his place at the table that is already set for him with a small smile. Likes the empty hangers in the closet where he’s supposed to hang his clothes back up once they’re washed. Finds warmth in the dusty spots on the bathroom shelves where his hygiene products were placed before he left. Likes walking towards the shared bed after his shower, finding you fast asleep and his side of the bed empty. He likes filling those spots with his things, it’s like time didn’t continue when he left. Like nothing has changed and he was only gone for a few hours instead of months. He loves when you wrap your arms around him, pushing yourself into his side in your sleep. Your arms are his favorite Simon space.

Despite the fact you do almost all the house chores, only because he's not home to do them himself, he refuses to let you touch his gear bag and clean the stuff in it. He’s scared all the bad things Ghost’s mask was present for would crawl out and hurt you. He tells you it’s fine, that he’ll wash the blood and dirt stained uniform, that he’ll put away everything in the bag. When he’s finished, he shoves the military bag to the back of his side of the closet, vanishing the skull mask from the light. It doesn’t belong there anyways.

Simon is hesitant to let the rest of the team meet you. The team and you are two different parts of his life, each of you get a side of him the other doesn’t. He’s scared of what will happen when they clash. When Ghost invades Simon’s life off of the field. You reassure him the whole time the both of you get ready to go to a bar the team wanted to have celebratory drinks at. Simon is still nervous, but he can’t help the small smile that grows around the rim of his glass as he watches his family interact as one. He smiles even more when none of the boys hesitate to protect you from handsy customers who want to try their shot with you. That’s good, he thinks. It’s good that you’ll have people to take care of you if he never makes it back home to you.

Of course, Simon gives you his dog tag. But, the dog tag Simon gives you is different. It’s slightly rusted, older. One that holds a past he has yet to share with you completely. This tag exists before Ghost and Task Force 141. It’s a tag from when Simon was in the SAS, before he was hurt and betrayed by the world as badly. When you ask him why he gave you this tag instead of his more updated tags, his answer echoes in your head: “Because that Simon is the one I am when I’m with you. That’s the Simon I want you to remember me as.” You never took off his dog tag afterwards.

When Simon stands at the front door in the early hours of the morning, dressed in tactical gear with his military bag at his side, you both stand and stare at each other. He lets you put on his skull mask, the only time he’ll ever let you touch it. In those quiet moments where you both wait for one of the team to pick him up, you ask him in a whisper to come home because you’ll be waiting for him. He doesn’t promise anything, only says that’s his plan.

You never need to ask him why he lets you put on the mask for him. The both of you already know the reason. You already know it’s Ghost’s gift to you. It’s Ghost giving you Simon to take care of. You know it's because Simon is the safest when he’s with you. You know because, every night before he has to leave again, Simon vows to go wherever you are when he thinks you’re asleep. When Ghost walks out the door and closes it behind him, you know it’s Ghost that will be returning home, not Simon. And that’s because Simon never left, he’s right there with you. Everywhere you go.

Simon content pre-write 2.

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley #ghost simon riley #cod ghost #ghost cod #cod headcanons #cod x reader #cod mwii #simon riley headcanons #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #ghost x reader #ghost mw2 #ghost headcanons #cod mw2

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justagalwhowrites · 8 months

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Yearling - Ch. 28: Newcomer

Life changes for you in Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-26 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst because duh. Canon-typical violence. Reference to past SA. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 14.1k (SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME TO CALM DOWN)

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

October, 2027

“Is everything OK?” You frowned as you watched as Savvy pushed her scrambled eggs from one side of her plate to the other, her head propped against her hand and a flat look on her face.

She shrugged and moved the pile of eggs again.

“Need to eat before school,” you said, not really paying much attention to your own plate.

“Why?” Savvy snapped, looking up at you. “So I can have energy to go sit in a chair all day? No thanks.”

You sighed, jaw tense, and set your fork down, crossing your arms and leaning on the table.

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she looked back at her plate and moved the eggs again.

“I might be able to help,” you said, smiling a little at her from across the table. “Believe it or not, I was a teenager once, too. And life here isn’t all that different from the life I had when I was your age.”

“Yeah, so you’ve said,” she muttered, an edge in her voice.

You watched her for a moment, feeling more distant from your daughter than you ever had when she was physically so close.

Becoming a part of Jackson had been a rough transition for Savvy. It just had taken you a while to see it.

At first, you were so relieved to have her with you again that everything else was white noise.

For a bit, that day at the stables, you were rooted to the ground. You were afraid to move too far, like if you left that space she’d vanish again. You couldn’t bear to stop touching her to walk home, your arms around her shoulders and holding her body to yours the entire way.

She clung onto you, too, early on. There was so much she didn’t know and so much you didn’t know that she didn’t know. Things about life in Jackson that were innate to you - muscle memory from a time the crumbling world was forgetting - were completely foreign to her.

Savvy had the same problem with electricity you had when coming to town, sitting with her fingers in her ears when you weren’t talking for the first few days she was there. She was amazed by so much. She’d seen and read about things like stoves and refrigerators, showers and CD players but she’d never used them. It was like she existed outside of the modern era, approaching it all with skeptical caution as she adjusted to the reality she now lived in. You did your best to guide her through it, showing her everything and explaining how it worked as best you could.

The two of you didn’t leave the house the first week she was there. You didn’t need to, food boxes appearing again. It was a good thing, too, because you were too busy catching up on everything that had happened in the years you’d been apart and getting to know each other again to venture out.

Savvy had never been captured by Mitchum and his men. They’d gotten close to her once, one of his men the first person she ever killed. She managed to slip away but had to leave Nike behind.

After that, she wanted nothing to do with people. She knew how to run and how to hide, how to get away quick when she heard or sensed something coming. She had become an expert at being alone, living off the land, crossing all over the region so she was never in one place for long enough to tip off any of the more powerful groups. It was a miracle that Joel had found her at all.

Getting adjusted to the people of Jackson was a struggle. She’d only ever been around maybe half a dozen people at once before, when you’d run into a family making their way through your territory and you decided it was safe for her to meet them.

Here, there were hundreds.

“Why are there so many of them?” She asked quietly the first time you left the house, her arm looped with yours as you passed a cluster of kids running toward the playground, a haggard looking man chasing after them.

You frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“The people,” she said, watching the kids for a moment with a small frown on her face before looking back to you. “There’s… there’s so many of them. There’s not enough space here, how does everyone live here?”

You smiled a little.

“This is what people did all the time before,” you said. “People like us were the odd ones.”

She crinkled her nose.

“Maybe that’s why the world ended,” she said. “Not enough room for us all.”

“I think you’ll like people once you get to know them,” you said, giving her a little squeeze. “They’re good people here. And you always had fun playing with the kids we met before…”

“That was a long time ago,” she said, voice sharp.

“I know,” you said, trying not to let the hurt at the thought of your time with her being long ago now. “But you were always good with people. Definitely better than I was. I think you’ll like it, once you understand it.”

“Maybe,” she said, skeptical. “I don’t know. I just… I kind of like it. Being by myself.”

“That’s OK,” you replied. “Doesn’t mean you can’t like people, too.”

“Right,” she nodded, looking at the ground.

She really had not enjoyed starting school.

Savvy just came with you to the stables when you starred back at work again. She immediately bonded with the horses and spent an hour just standing next to Perseus, her head pressed against his large shoulder, her eyes closed.

You tried to not push her too fast or too far. You knew it was a big adjustment, that she would need time. But you also knew how important this time of her life was. She’d been totally alone for so long and you wanted more for her. She should have a chance to get to know kids her own age, to make friends, to fall in love, to have a life that she looked forward to and shared with people she cared about. Instead, she was hiding away.

So you brought her to meet Susan, the woman who taught most of the older kids in Jackson, one afternoon. She was sitting at her desk, papers in front of her and gray hair twisted into a knot on the top of her head with a pencil holding it in place. She smiled when you came in, Savvy against your side with her brows together and her features drawn tight. You were reminded of when she was a little girl and you were first teaching her how to kill. How she wanted so badly for things to stay the way they were.

“I thought I might be seeing you two soon,” she smiled and introduced herself and gestured for you to sit on the other side of her desk. “Why don’t we get to know each other a little bit?”

She asked Savvy a few questions and Savvy looked at you before answering each one, her hand tight on your knee, your hand in the middle of her back. Susan gave Savvy a few work sheets and pulled you aside while she did them.

“Do you have any idea what her skill level is?” She asked quietly. “I’ve never worked with a student who’s coming into this quite like she is…”

“I’m not sure,” you said, looking back toward the door that separated you from your daughter. “I tried my best when I was with her but I was never some great student, didn’t like school much and I never went to college, I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing…”

Susan reached out, her touch catching you off guard and you had to fight not to jump, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“You did everything you could,” she said. “No one would expect you to run an elementary school when trying to survive the end of the world. But students backslide over summer break let alone something like this. Years on her own not keeping up with what she was taught and no formal schooling to begin with… she might have a lot of ground to cover.”

You just nodded, trying not to blame yourself for whatever Savvy was missing. Even though you knew, deep down, it was your fault.

But she hadn’t let her skills totally lapse in the last few years. When she stopped and checked houses and stores for clothes and shelf stable food, she also found books to read and something to write in. Her language skills were advanced and she had a good understanding of biology. But her math was rudimentary at best and her history knowledge was spotty, limited to areas that had caught your attention or hers through the years.

“I can put her with the other kids her age,” Susan said, her voice low as Savvy browsed the book shelves at the back of the classroom. “We’ll see how she does. I’m more worried about the socialization than I am anything academic. She’s not used to being around her peers or more than one or two other people at a time, it might be a lot for her…”

“Do you think it would be better if I kept her home?” You asked, the sting of tears at the back of your throat. What if you’d doomed your daughter to a life of loneliness because you hadn’t sought out a place like Jackson when she was little? What if she never had a chance to experience things beyond just survival because you’d kept her away from it?

“No,” Susan said, more definitively than you’d expected. “But it might be better to… ease her into the school experience. Just an hour or two at first and build up to it, plan to have her join during quieter periods when there’s lecture and not group work quite yet, that sort of thing.”

You nodded slowly, jaw tight as you watched Savvy pick a book off the shelf and turn it over to read the back. Susan rested her hand gently on your shoulder, making you jump and look back at her. She didn’t seem to notice.

“Children are resilient,” she said gently. “They adjust and adapt. She will be OK.”

You nodded, a few tears slipping free.

“Mom?” Savvy called.

You quickly dried the tears and sniffed.

“Yeah?”

“Can I bring this home?” She came over and handed you the book. It was Little Women. “It sounds good…”

“It is good,” you said, clearing your throat and hoping she couldn’t hear the change in your voice. “But it’s not my book to lend, you’ll have to ask Ms. Parker.”

“Right,” she said, turning to her but looking more to the side than directly at her. “Is it OK?”

“Promise you’ll bring it back when you come to my classes?” Susan asked, smiling and trying to meet her eyes. “And that you’ll take good care of it?”

Savvy just nodded.

“Then yes,” she said. “You can borrow it.”

She smiled tightly and turned to go before you stopped her.

“Savvy,” you said. Like you, she’d forgotten what it was like to interact with other people after being totally alone for so long. You’d taught her please and thank you when she was little but, once it was just her and the animals, the habit had slipped away.

“Right,” she said, turning back and actually looking at Susan this time. “Thank you.”

Susan smiled.

“You’re welcome. I hope you enjoy it and I’ll see you soon in class.”

Savvy looked to you and you put your arm around her waist and guided her home.

She’d taken pretty well to school, all things considered. She liked to learn and was an engaged student, according to Susan. But she got bored easily and wasn’t the most tolerant of other students’ tendencies to goof off or talk during class. She also didn’t understand when the other kids teased her.

Sean, one of the older boys, sneered at her once and called her the wild girl.

“So?” Savvy had frowned.

“You’re not civilized,” he’d said. “Shouldn’t be here with us humans, should be out there with the fucking animals…”

You only knew about it at all because Ellie overheard the incident and handled it herself.

“Ellie!” You’d gaped at her when she told you as she leaned against the stall you were in. “What did you do?”

“Beat the shit out of him until he went home to cry to his mommy,” she sneered the last word, mocking and righteous.

You weren’t sure whether you wanted to hug her or scold her.

“You’re an adult now,” you said, going back to brushing down Shimmer. “You really shouldn’t beat up children…”

“OK first of all, he’s 16,” she said. “Second, he’s got a foot on me, not my problem if he’s a little bitch…”

“And thank you,” you cut her off. “For protecting her.”

She just shrugged.

“I was the wild girl once,” she said. “Sucks sometimes.”

“She OK?” You asked, realizing that you’d never thought you’d need to navigate things like bullies with Savvy until that moment.

“Fine,” Ellie shrugged again. “She didn’t seem that bothered by it, actually. Pissed me off more than her.”

You nodded slowly.

“I can introduce her to some people who don’t fucking suck,” Ellie said after a minute. “And she can come hang out with me and Dina and Jesse sometimes.”

“Isn’t she a little young to be running around with y’all?” You frowned.

“Not really,” Ellie shrugged. “And we won’t let her get into too much trouble.”

You sighed, brush frozen on Shimmer’s side. The horse huffed, turning back to look at you, a sense of judgement in her eyes.

“Try not to be a bad influence on my kid,” you said, glancing at Ellie, who smirked.

“Bad influence? Me? Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Ellie did introduce her to some of the older kids who were still in school and Savvy started staying after school to hang out with them a few times per week. There was one boy, Kyle, who she started talking about a lot, a small smile tugging at her lips when she did.

She also started going to movie nights and even to the mess hall with people besides you, easing into knowing people. She even slept over at Ellie’s once, leaving you anxiously pacing your house all night, not able to shake the feeling that she should be here and she wasn’t. There was the lingering thought that, maybe, you’d only ever imagined her coming back at all and you’d been alone all this time. You left the lamp on by the front door for the first time since she’d come back and you slept on the couch, waking with a jolt when she came home the next morning.

But she’d started pushing back against you for the last two weeks. She answered questions in as few words as possible, she pushed her curfew when she went out with her friends, she snapped at you when you asked her to help around the house.

You were taken aback by it. You’d never had conflict like this with her before. Of course, it was hard for her to rebel much when there was nothing else for her to rebel WITH, no other people or forbidden substances to act out with. But she’d also only been 11 when you’d been taken. She was 15 now. You weren’t sure how much would have always happened this way and how much she was picking up now that she was around other teenagers.

“Do you not want to go to school anymore?” You asked gently from across the table. Her hair was extra wild today, her all but shoving you away when you tried to braid it before heading to the mess hall for breakfast. She’d refused all attempts to contain it, curls springing in every direction.

“Is that what I said?” She asked, raising her eyebrows at you.

“No,” you said. “But I’m trying to understand how you’re feeling, honey. I can tell you’re upset by something and…”

“Were you ever going to tell me about you and Joel?” She snapped.

Your heart stuttered.

“What?”

“You and Joel,” she said. “You were together, right? Were you ever going to tell me about that?”

“I… I don’t…” you just blinked for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts. “Where did you hear about that?”

“Something Ellie said tipped me off,” she replied. “Don’t think she realized she was giving away some big secret…”

“It’s not a secret, honey, it’s just…” you sighed. “It’s not… it’s not important right now, you’re what’s important and…”

“Am I?” She smacked her fork down on the table hard enough that you startled away from the sound. “Doesn’t feel like it.”

“What do you mean?” You asked, chest getting tight. “Savvy, you’re the most important…”

“Did you even try to find me?” She cut you off. Her eyes were glistening and her face was drawn, tight and hurt. “Did you even bother to really look? Because I looked for you. I looked for you for years, Mom! I searched and I searched and I thought I’d find you eventually. I thought you must have really been hurt to have not come and found me so I needed to find you because my mom would never have just left me like that.

“After a while, I thought you must have died, that’s the only thing I thought would have kept you from finding me again,” she kept going, voice a little louder, the people around you at the mess hall awkwardly glancing away. “And that hurt and I missed you and I felt… I felt so guilty about that because I knew that if I just hadn’t been there you’d still be alive and you were only gone because of me and that was the only thing that would have kept you away from me. But I was wrong, you were just… you were here the whole time, here having some happy life with some man like you had before and… did you forget about me? Once you found this place was I just nothing to you anymore?”

“No!” You just gaped at her from across the table. “No, that’s not what happened, that’s not at all…”

“I have school,” she stood up, picking up her plate of half eaten eggs as she did.

“No,” you shook your head, standing up, too. “No, we need to talk about this, if this is how you’ve been feeling, we can go home and…”

“Do you want me to go learn freaking algebra or not?” She snapped. “You’re the one who says it’s so important, is it important or not?”

“It is, but…”

“Then I’ll see you later,” she said, a little quieter and calmer now. “Besides… I don’t think I want to hear what you have to say right now, anyway.”

You just stood there, watching your daughter stalk off toward the school.

It was hard to focus at the stable that day. You kept looking up, hoping Savvy would come in. You weren’t sure if it would have been better to chase after her or give her space and you tried to remember what you would have wanted from your mother when you fought with her but your relationship with Savvy had never felt like your relationship with your mother. You felt so different from your mother that you sometimes wondered if you’d been traded at the hospital, another girl out there in the world who loved all the things she did living the life you were supposed to have. But Savvy had always felt like another part of yourself, independent but never fully separate.

“You caused a ruckus this morning,” Julie said when she came by the stable in the afternoon. You sighed and she perched on the wall of a stall before handing you an apple. You took a bite of it and sighed, leaning next to her.

“Heard about that, huh?” You asked, turning the fruit in your hand.

“Think the whole town has,” Julie took out an apple of her own. “Sorry.”

“Shouldn’t be too surprised,” You sighed.

“Want to talk about it?” She asked.

“Yes, in great detail,” you said sarcastically. You were thankful for Julie in that moment, though. After Savvy had come to Jackson, Julie had reached out to check in on you and, in spite of the awkward moment in the orchard outside of town, you’d grown to be friends. Which was something that you’d sorely needed as you navigated this unknown landscape of your new relationship with Savvy.

Julie snorted.

“Yeah, should have known better than to ask that. You OK?”

“I just wish I knew what to do,” you sighed. “I don’t know what she needs, I don’t know how to make her feel better, I don’t know how to make her understand…”

You pinched the bridge of your nose for a moment, sighing again.

“She’s a teenager,” Julie said kindly after you were quiet for a second. “Teenagers are hard. You remember being a teenager…”

“Not as well as you do,” you teased and she rolled her eyes.

“Yes, yes, you’re very old,” she teased back before turning serious. “She might just need space. She’ll get past it. They always do.”

You just nodded as Persephone nudged you with her large head and you surrendered the last of your apple to her.

“I just don’t want to lose her,” you said, petting the horse’s velvet nose as she chewed. “I lost so much time already, I don’t want to lose any more…”

“I know,” she said gently. “She will come around. I know she will. And in the mean time, we can drink about it.”

You laughed.

“Yeah, think I might need that.”

Julie hung out at the stable for a bit as you shoed a horse, talking to you about the date she’d gone on the day before with Karen, which had surprised you.

“Karen? Really? Wouldn’t have thought…”

“Yup,” Julie smirked a little. “What can I say, I have a good eye.”

“Are you just turning the women of Jackson?” You teased. “Wasn’t it Beth last month?”

“Maybe I am,” she teased back. “Someone needs to, Beth went out with Henry for like two months. Fucking Henry. It might be the apocalypse but options aren’t really THAT limited…”

It was a nice distraction, listening to her talk about her love life and the petty property line war happening between two of her neighbors as they went back and forth about whether or not one of their clothes lines pushed into the other’s yard and the new cocktail she was planning to roll out soon at the Tipsy Bison.

“She really will come around,” she said, dropping all pretense as she got ready to go get changed for her bartending shift. “You two love each other. She’ll understand eventually.”

You just smiled tightly.

“Thanks,” you said. “It really does help…”

“That’s what friends are for,” she said. “And if you come by the Bison tonight, I’ll even let you be one of the first to try the new drink. Take your mind off of family trouble, guaranteed.”

You laughed a little.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

You finished up early at the stable and, instead of heading for the mess hall like you normally would, you went home, hoping that Savvy would be there. But it was quiet when you came in and you sighed.

“Savvy?” You called anyway, hoping she would answer.

You took off your boots and went upstairs, knocking on her bedroom door all the same. She didn’t answer then, either.

So you took a shower, trying to not linger on what she said that morning. How she thought you’d abandoned her, forgotten her, thought that there was anything in the world that was as important as her.

You’d never told her about Mitchum. It didn’t feel right, you didn’t want her to have that in her head. But you weren’t sure how to explain your absence without it. It had never occurred to you that she would think you chose to be apart from her, as though you’d choose anything over being with her. But she did.

The chill of fall was settling in so you actually dried your hair before getting dressed and seeing if, maybe, Savvy had come home while you were in the shower. You went back to her bedroom door and just happened to look down as you went to knock. There was just a bit of paper poking out from below the door. You frowned and picked it up, pulling it out from below the door. On the paper was a note in Savvy’s haphazard scrawl.

Need space, it said. Find you eventually.

“No,” you breathed and flung her door open without bothering to knock.

Her bedroom was neat and organized and everything that she’d brought with her that she considered hers was gone. All her clothes, her backpack, the books that were on her nightstand, the carvings that she’d made. All that was left in the room that hadn’t been there when you moved in were two small carvings you’d made her: two deer, one large and one small. Both were rough, the limbs not quite the right proportions, but you’d been happy to make them, sitting next to her on your porch while you both worked in a way you’d never really done before.

“Well, I’m still learning,” you’d said, putting the figures in her open palm a few weeks earlier, before this cold distance had started growing between you. “And I don’t think I’ll ever be as good as you, you’re just a natural…”

“No, they’re really good, Mom,” she’d smiled. “I love them!”

They were there on her nightstand, the larger one knocked on its side as though the table had been jostled on her way out the door.

“No,” you shook your head, heart racing. “No, no, no, no, no…”

You took off, going two stairs at a time. She was gone, she’d left, she’d taken her things and left and you hadn’t even been able to find her the first time and she was gone and this time she chose it and Joel had been the one to find her last time, not you. Joel found her once. He could find her again.

You ran to Joel’s so fast you didn’t even close the door behind you as you left. The sun was setting and you almost ran into a couple walking home hand in hand as you careened around the corner. You barely even paused at Joel’s door, the fear and warning signs that usually took hold this close to his house buried deep below a fresh horror that your mind couldn’t wrap itself around yet. You ripped the screen door open and went to grab the knob of the main door when it opened before you touched it, Joel standing there in his boots, jacket half on.

“Bambi…”

“She’s gone,” you panted for breath. “Joel, she’s gone, she left, she left a note and took her things and I need your help, please, I need your help, I’ll never ask you for another thing, I promise I…”

“Bambi,” he said again, voice gentle. His big hands gently cupped your shoulders and pulled you inside. “It’s OK, I know, she’s here, she’s OK…”

“She’s here?” You grabbed his arms fingernails digging into the thick muscle of his biceps as you searched his face. “What do… she’s here?”

“She’s here,” he said again slowly, carefully. “She’s alright, I was just about to go find you and tell you so you wouldn’t worry. Need you to take a deep breath for me sweetheart, you’re gonna pass out if you’re not careful…”

You just nodded and let him guide you to the couch, your hands still clutching onto him. Standing on your own felt uncertain, like you were newly shaped and your legs at risk of collapse under the weight of yourself. Ellie came out of the kitchen, her arms crossed over her chest, a worried look on her face.

“Where is she?” You asked, looking from Joel to Ellie. “If she’s here…”

“She’s at my place,” Ellie said, shifting awkwardly, putting her hands in her back pockets. “She was really upset, she was there when I got home… I told her I was going to get us something to eat, I should get back…”

“Is she OK?” You asked, moving to stand but Joel held you in place. “Can I see her? I need to see her…”

“That’s probably not a good idea right this minute sweetheart,” Joel said. He sounded so calm.

“I need to see my daughter,” you looked at him, heart racing again. “You can’t… she’s my daughter, I need to see her, you can’t just keep me from her, she…”

“Not keeping you from her,” Joel cut you off. “But it sounds like she’s hurtin’ right now…”

“So you need to let me see her!” You yelled and Ellie’s eyes got wide, glancing quickly to the back door. “If she’s hurt I need to take care of her, she’s my child she’s not…”

“I know,” Joel said. “Physically, she’s fine. She’s upset, her feelings are hurt. Goin’ after her right this second might just make things worse. Think you need to give her some space.”

“I’ll look out for her,” Ellie said quietly. “I’m sure she’ll get over it quick but… I’ll look out for her. At least for tonight, Bambi. She’s… It’s like how I was with Joel. If you push her too far she might not stay with us and I don’t know if we could stop her if she decided to go, she’s stubborn as hell.”

“She’s OK,” Joel said, his hands still firmly on your shoulders. “She’s safe, she’s with Ellie. She’s alright.”

You just nodded and tried to breathe through it. Joel turned Ellie, still holding onto you. You were thankful for that, his hands a grounding force that were holding you inside yourself. It seemed like you might split into disparate beings without him.

“Why don’t you get on back, baby girl,” he said to Ellie. “Take some of the leftovers from the fridge, keep an eye on her. Don’t let her go anywhere alone, OK?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I will. I’ll take care of her, Bambi. I really will.”

You nodded again and closed your eyes, listening as Ellie gathered things from the kitchen, the back door slamming behind her. You took a deep, shaky breath and opened your eyes again, lashes wet.

“Joel,” you said, voice thick.

“Gonna hold you,” he said gently. “That OK?”

You trembled and nodded and he pulled you against his broad chest and you collapsed against him, sobbing so hard you couldn’t breathe.

“You’re alright,” he said gently, one thick arm looping around your waist, the other going around your shoulder so his hand could cradle your head to him. “She’s OK, you’re both alright…”

You clung to him, your arms snaking up his back, fingers clutching so hard at his shoulder blades that part of you was worried you were hurting him but you couldn’t make yourself stop. It was a struggle to breathe through your tears, gulping in air that smelled like Joel’s skin and cedar and laundry soap. It was like your body forgot to be afraid of him now, so desperate for something to hold on to that it didn’t matter anymore.

His hand traced a slow, soft pattern from your hair down your spine before starting over again and you felt his lips press into the crown of your head, lingering there as you shook in his arms.

“Shhh,” he soothed, starting to rock you gently. “S’alright. I’ve got you and her, you’re alright.”

He said it over and over and you concentrated on the rise and fall of his chest, the smell of his skin, the gentle motion of him. Eventually, you quieted, hiccuping as your tears slowed and your breaths caught up with your body. His rocking slowed, too, but he kept holding onto you, his nose nestled in your hair until your grip on him loosened and he relaxed as you sat back from him.

“You with me?” He asked gently, one hand still loosely on your arm. He went to take his hand back but you caught it and he froze.

“I’m sorry but…” You fought to not hyperventilate again. “If… can you…”

“Do whatever you want with me, sweetheart,” he said and you nodded, moving so you were tucked against his side and your head was on his chest. He sat, stock still, as you guided his arm around your waist and you pressed yourself closer. It felt better with him here like this. He’d brought Savvy home, he’d take care of her, you could trust that. You could trust him.

“What happened?” He asked quietly after you’d settled against him.

“She found out that we were together,” you said, your voice raw. “And she just… she thinks I forgot about her, that I was just here and happy with you the whole time she was out there alone and…”

“You didn’t tell her what happened to you?” He asked softly.

“No,” you shook your head into his chest.

“Baby…”

“She’s 15,” you said softly. “She doesn’t know how bad it is out there, she didn’t grow up with shit like girls before, she never had to learn to be afraid of men. I still remember the first time a grown man grabbed my ass when I walked by and I was 13 and I don’t… she doesn’t need to know about all that, Joel. I don’t want her to know about that and I don’t want her to look at me and think about that, she can’t…”

“She should know that you tried,” he said, his hand going in a slow, easy path from your shoulder to your elbow. “She should know that you fought for her.”

“I don’t want her to know,” you whispered, tears slipping from you again even though it seemed like you shouldn’t have any more left in you. “Please, I can talk to her some other way, please don’t tell her, please…”

“Won’t tell her,” he said gently. “S’OK Bambi.”

You remembered the look on her face this morning, the anger and the hurt there and you pressed a strangled sob into Joel’s chest as he held you closer.

“She hates me,” your voice shook. “And I don’t blame her, I should’ve tried harder, I gave up on her, I let him lie to me and…”

“You did everything you could,” Joel cut you off. “And you protected her. She was alone out there but she survived because you let her escape and you taught her what she needed to know so she could live. You did everything you could, baby, everything.”

You nodded, even though you didn’t really believe it, and curled in on yourself, your whole body against him now.

“Can I stay here tonight?” You asked softly. “I don’t want to be far from her, I can’t…”

“Course,” Joel said. “I’ll go make up the bed for you, you can stay there, I’ll take the couch…”

“No,” you shook your head. “No, I want to be down here, if she comes inside…”

“OK,” he said gently. “Want me to stay with you?”

“Please,” your fingers tangled in his flannel.

“OK,” he said again. He just held you for a while before getting some blankets and a pillow out of a cupboard you didn’t remember holding them before and you realized it had been almost half a year since you’d been in Joel’s house. Things about it had changed. So much time had passed but really, none at all. Joel got you water and made you drink two tall glasses of it and eat an apple before he stretched out on the couch and you folded yourself in around him. It had been months but your body still remembered how to wrap around his to sleep, where your head fit best against his chest, how your leg best hitched over his, how his arm draped over you.

“I can’t lose her, Joel,” you whispered into the dark. “I can’t, not again. I have to fix this.”

“It’ll be OK,” he said, his fingers trailing over your bicep. “She’ll understand. Don’t give up, it’ll be OK.”

The next morning, Ellie came to the kitchen with the excuse of needing tea and found you and Joel still asleep on the couch. She assured you that Savvy was still there and had asked to stay for a while. Ellie had already said yes.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, head still fuzzy from sleep and the emotional turmoil the night before.

“I’ll go talk to her,” Joel said as Ellie headed out. You opened your mouth to fight him on it but he held up a palm, silencing you. “Just to lay down some ground rules. Not gonna tell her she needs to go back to yours or tell her anything about what happened to you. Just gotta set some expectations, that’s all. OK?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Yeah, OK…”

He got you more water and draped the blanket around your hunched shoulders before he went back to Ellie’s. It felt like he was gone an eternity before he came back, settling in beside you on the couch again. His hand found the middle of your back, moving over you in slow, soothing circles.

“She’s still pretty pissed,” he said softly. You nodded. “Told her she can stay as long as she wants but no boys spending the night, needs to go to school every day and show me her progress, she’s gotta eat three meals a day and be in for the night by 9 every night.”

You nodded, your fingers knotting and twisting together.

“OK,” you said. “That’s… that’s good, she’ll go for that, I think.”

“Seemed receptive,” he said. “She’s a good kid, raised her right. She’ll come around. It’ll be OK.”

You nodded and pressed your face into his shoulder, letting his soft flannel soak up your tears yet again.

It was the start of a new kind of friendship with Joel. You came by every day now after you were done at the stable, Joel giving you a report on Savvy, both what she told you and how she seemed. He said he was trying to gently nudge her into talking to you again but she got worked up when you were mentioned.

“Don’t push her,” you said after you’d been in this strange limbo with your daughter for two weeks. You’d hardly slept or eaten and you could feel yourself starting to almost seep out of your body, little pieces floating away into the ether the longer you were separated from her when she was so close. You wondered how Joel had survived it as long as he did with Ellie. “I don’t want to hurt her any more than I have…”

“Should think about telling her, Baby,” Joel said softly.

“I know you think so,” you said, arms crossed tight over your chest. “But… I can get her back without that, she doesn’t… she doesn’t need all that in her head, Joel, she doesn’t.”

He nodded slowly and sighed as you headed back to your cold, almost empty house.

When it had become clear that Savvy wasn’t going to come home in just a day or two, you’d gone to where the working dogs of Jackson lived and asked to bring Gattling home with you. You’d been so excited to see her once you could actually wrap your head around the fact that she’d come back with Savvy, too, but she’d always been a working dog. She was used to having something to do all day everyday and you knew she’d be happier helping on guard duty or protect the livestock with regular visits from you and Savvy. Now, though, you picked her up on your way home so you wouldn’t be alone.

That was an adjustment, too. Gattling was cagey around you when she first came to Jackson, skeptical of you even though she clearly remembered you. But she’d warmed up to you again now and greeted you with a wagging tail every night. She followed you obediently around your house and curled up next to you in bed, sighing her heavy dog sighs as she settled in to sleep and you thought that this was what life had been for your daughter for the past four years. Having no one but her horse and her dog because you’d left her to fend for herself in the wilderness.

It took until November for you to feel at all adjusted to this new way of things with Savvy. You saw her in the mess hall, scheduling your day so that you had the best chance at seeing her in the morning or the evening, just to catch a glimpse of her and see that she was whole and happy. You tried to catch her eye and hoped she’d do something besides glare at you eventually, that you’d be able to actually talk to her at some point. It hadn’t happened yet.

But you couldn’t let yourself completely break down into nothing.You knew that. So you started trying to eat something and tried to do beyond the bare minimum in your day. Julie came by in the afternoon and you took a walk. You talked to Joel about something outside of Savvy. You even played your guitar - though you made the mistake of playing Sweet Child of Mine and dissolved into tears, Gattling licking your face and whimpering as you lay curled on the cool wood of your living room floor.

You’d found a semblance of a life again, taking comfort in knowing that Savvy was alive and healthy, even if you didn’t get to hear her voice or see her smile. You were focusing on that in the afternoon when you heard Ellie coming toward the stables, her voice oddly chipper and friendly, odd enough that you frowned and watched the doors as she came in, hoof pick in your hand as you worked on shoeing a horse.

“Stables are here,” Ellie said, leading a man who had to be close to Joel’s height inside. “You’re starting up patrol and if you end up in the regular rotation, you’ll probably be here a lot and you’ll get assigned a regular horse to take out. I usually go on Shimmer… Oh, that’s Bambi, she runs the place.”

The man turned so that you could see his face and you froze, grip on the pick tightening.

You were surprised you hadn’t recognized him from behind. You always thought you’d know him immediately, sense when he was even remotely close to you. But he’d made it here, to the heart of Jackson, into your stables, and you hadn’t known. You’d heard that someone had come in with a patrol the week before but you hadn’t heard a name or seen anyone new in town since then. You weren’t worried about it, you had enough else on your mind without concerning yourself with a new arrival.

But you should have been. You should have been very worried.

“Bambi,” Ellie smiled brightly, leading the newcomer toward you. You lowered Ares’ hoof slowly to the ground and shifted the hoof pick to your left hand, holding it so tight you were sure your knuckles were white. “This is Cody, he’s going to start out on patrol soon, he’s going out with Joel soon…”

He stood there, looking at you, his jaw tight for a moment. After what felt like a small eternity, he held out his hand.

“Bambi, is it?” He asked. “Nice to meet you.”

You didn’t take his hand. The thought of touching him turned your stomach.

“Ellie,” you said, not taking your eyes off him. “Shimmer is out in the paddock, do me a favor and take her around once, make sure she’s walking OK after I shoed her and bring her in.”

“What?” Ellie laughed a little. “I’m kind of in the middle of…”

“It can wait,” you snapped, still watching him. “I can introduce him to a horse, do what I’m telling you to do.”

“Alright, Jesus,” she muttered, stomping off to obey. Cody watched her go before turning to you.

“Good to see you,” he smiled a little. “Wasn’t sure if you’d actually made it…”

He moved to close the gap between you and you stepped back on instinct, your heart beating so fast it drowned out the sound of his voice. You could remember exactly how he felt inside of you, how his breath felt on your skin, the self righteous look on his face because he thought he was better than the others because he didn’t get off on hurting you. Your head spun.

“Stay the fuck back,” you hissed, adjusting your grip on the hoof pick.

He frowned. “Why? Come on, you know I’m not dangerous…”

“Like fuck I know that,” you snapped. “You’re just as dangerous as the rest of them. What, are you here to do recon?”

“No,” he snapped. “I left.”

“Good for you,” you said. “Stay the fuck away from me.”

“Don’t think that’s the way you want to talk to the guy who saved your life,” he said, eyes narrowing. “Feel like you owe me a little more than that…”

“Don’t owe you a goddamn thing,” you said. “Didn’t kill you that night. Far as I’m concerned? Life for a life, we’re even.”

That was a lie but he didn’t need to know that. You wished you could bring yourself to kill him but you didn’t think you could. He had saved your life, had been kinder to you than most of Mitchum’s men even if he had hurt you. You weren’t sure if he deserved to die, you didn’t think you could handle killing him.

“Hardly counts as even,” he said, taking a step toward you. “You know I wasn’t like them, you know I was different…”

Another step and something inside you snapped. It didn’t matter that you were in Jackson, that he had saved your life by getting you away from Mitchum, Cody was a threat. You knew what he was capable of and he was here with you and your daughters.

You met him in the middle, catching him off guard. He moved to touch you in some way - hug you, grab you, you weren’t sure - and you threw your left arm over his throat, your right into his chest, shoving him back against a stall, putting one knee between his legs so you could hit him in the groin if he tried to move and pressed the tip of the dirty hoof pick to his throat.

“What the fuck!” He yelped, his chest heaving.

“Gonna give you this one warning,” you said through clenched teeth. “You stay away from me, you stay away from my girls. I catch you even glancing their way, let alone talking to or touching one of ‘em? I will rip your goddamn throat out, do you understand me?”

“How am I supposed to know who your girls…”

“Any girl here,” you seethed. Your stomach turned at your body being so close to his but you forced yourself to stay on him, keep the pick pressed to his throat. “But Ellie and the girl she lives with? They’re mine and if you think the fact that I owe you my life would save you if you touched them, you got another thing comin’.”

You heard the scrape of the door and you stepped back from him, chest heaving, lowering the pick. He stayed back against the stall, his eyes wide and darting from you to the door.

“She’s walking fine,” Ellie said, leading Shimmer in from the paddock. “Don’t know why you were worried, anyone knows how to shoe a damn horse around here, it’s you.”

She put Shimmer in her stall and went toward Cody but you stepped in front of her, putting your arm out to keep her behind you. Cody’s eyes narrowed.

“What…” Ellie began but you cut her off.

“You supposed to show him anything else?” You asked, not looking back at her and keeping your eyes on Cody.

“Just here,” she said. “How the stables work, shit like that. But…”

“I think he’s fine from here,” you cut her off again. “Why don’t you go to the school, walk Savvy home.”

“Bambi?”

“Go, Ellie,” you snapped.

“Fine, Jesus,” she muttered just as Joel came in and she ducked around him. Your eyes darted his way but you looked back at Cody almost immediately, not willing to let him out of your sight. You saw Ellie go out of the corner of your eye, keeping Cody pinned to where he was with your gaze. Your grip was still tight on the pick.

You could feel Joel’s eyes on you as he moved slowly to stand at your back. You could feel him there, close behind you at your shoulder, the heat and strength of him there.

“Everything alright here?” He asked, his voice deep, empty of the warmth you’d come to associate with him.

“Fine,” Cody said, his eyes darting up to Joel before going back to you.

“He was just leaving,” you said. “Weren’t you.”

He just looked at you for a long moment.

“Yeah,” he said eventually. “I was.”

“Better get moving then,” Joel said, dark and dangerous, like every word was a threat.

Cody kept his eyes on Joel then, slowly moving around you, staying out of arm’s reach until he had a clear path to the door. Only then did he turn his back to you, putting his hands in his pockets and closing the door behind him.

The second he was gone, the pick slipped from your fingers and hit the concrete of the stable floor with a clatter. You couldn’t breathe. It took you a moment to realize you were shaking, your heart racing. You clutched at your chest and stumbled to the stall you’d thrown Cody into, collapsing against it as you struggled to get enough air.

Here. Cody was here, in Jackson. He knew you, he knew where you were, he’d been with Ellie, he was where Savvy was…

“Bambi,” Joel’s hands were on you, one at your ribs and the other taking yours, his thick, long fingers closing around your own completely. “Gotta breathe for me, baby, gotta breathe through it…”

You just nodded and tried to listen but it wasn’t working.

“Here,” he said, guiding your hand to his chest and holding it there. “Match me, OK? Gonna push everything out first…” you exhaled with him, nodding as you did. “Now in.”

He breathed in slow and deep and you tried to keep pace with him, focusing on how he felt next to you, his heartbeat below your hand, the warmth of his body.

“Talk to me,” he said once your breaths had slowed and your shaking had eased. He stopped holding your hand to his chest but you left it there, holding onto him. “What’s wrong, what did he do? He touch you?”

“No,” you shook your head, taking a deep, shaky breath. “No, he didn’t touch me. It’s fine, it’s OK…”

“He did something,” Joel said and you looked up at him, into those soft, brown eyes that had been home for so long and you missed him. You missed him so much you thought your chest might crack open with it, the ache in your heart too big to be contained by your skin and ribs. You missed how safe you felt with him, how much he felt like home. You moved slowly, cautiously, until your arms were looped around his waist. He hesitated and then he was enveloping you, clutching you close and tight and you could hear his heart racing in his chest. You felt his lips and nose brush the top of your head before he tucked you below his chin, his large hand cradling your skull as though you were some precious, treasured thing.

“Talk to me,” he said again, quietly, holding you closer. “What’d he do? You can tell me, I’ll handle it…”

“Nothing that you can handle,” you said, your voice thick.

“Watch me.”

“Joel,” you nuzzled closer to him and breathed deep.

“Tell me,” he said. “Let me help you, take care of you. Please.”

You just held onto him, focusing on him as he swayed just a little with you, almost like you would rock a restless child.

“He one of them?” He asked eventually, deathly quiet.

You pulled back from him ever so slightly, looking up into his eyes and you watched the warmth slip away from them as he answered the question for himself.

“I’ll kill him.”

“No,” you shook your head, holding him tighter. “No, you can’t…”

“Why,” he was straining to stay calm, you could feel it in his body. “Don’t matter that he’s here, I’ll kill him in the street like the goddamn animal he is…”

“He saved my life,” you said. “He… he hurt me but I wouldn’t be here without him, he got me out, I owe him my life, I can’t… he can’t die because of me. I told him he needs to stay away from Ellie, from Savvy…”

“Baby,” he breathed holding your face in his hand and you closed your eyes, trying to stay focused on him and not lose yourself to the panic that was still at the edges.

“I’ve handled it, Joel,” you said after a moment, opening your eyes. He was still watching you intently. “If he tries something with them I’ll kill him myself but you can’t kill him, Joel. Not now. He can’t die because of me, not after he saved my life. I can’t live with that. Please.”

He sighed and pulled your head into his chest, his cheek pressing into you.

“Won’t kill him,” Joel said. “But I should. And I swear to God he even glances at you or the girls I will rip him apart. I’m sorry, baby, but I will.”

You just nodded into his chest and he held you close and you wished you had one of his shirts again so you could wrap yourself in the scent of him and keep his warmth and safety close when he left.

Ares’ large head nudged your shoulder and he huffed and you laughed, separating from Joel enough to see him there, one hoof off balance from the others.

“Right,” you laughed and sniffed a little. “I was shoeing you before we were interrupted, wasn’t I?”

His head bobbed once in what you’d call a nod if you didn’t know better and you dried your cheeks with the back of your sleeve, separating from Joel and picking the hoof pick up from where you’d dropped it in your panic.

“Thank you,” you said to him quietly.

“Course.”

“Not just for this,” you said. “For everything the last few weeks. With Savvy. I don’t… I don’t know if I could have gotten through it on my own and…”

“Always gonna look out for you,” Joel said. “Doesn’t matter if we’re not… Always going to take care of you how I can.”

You nodded and he cleared his throat awkwardly, looking to the side at nothing.

“Should probably get back,” he said. “I was just passin’ by, thought I’d… I dunno, say hi. Or… somethin’. Didn’t have any business here… Anyway. I’ll see you tonight, give you the Savvy update after I check in with her.”

You nodded again and he gave you a sad, tight smile before leaving you to your work.

***

It took everything Joel had inside himself to not go find Cody and kill him.

He’d seen the man a few times as he was introduced around town and he’d seemed decent enough. Tommy had been encouraged by his shooting test results, happy to have another skilled man out on patrol.

Fuck, how was he supposed to let this man come back from patrol alive?

He’d hurt you. He terrified you, that much was clear. Joel wasn’t sure he wanted the details of what Cody had done to you but, whatever they were, Joel wanted to do at least ten times that to him. He wanted to do more than kill him. He wanted to feel the life leave his body and know that he’d made it happen. He wanted to hear him hurt, he wanted to make him beg. He wanted him to be helpless and at his mercy and he wanted him to know why. That his actions had brought his pain, that he was only receiving what he was due.

But he couldn’t hurt you.

It seemed like you were finally, maybe, starting to trust him again. You’d slept on him the night Savvy came to Ellie’s, you’d wanted him to hold you today. It was like you were finding comfort instead of fear with him now. He couldn’t hurt you, especially not now.

Joel showered when he got home, changing out of his shirt and putting on a clean one. If you did think he was safe, if the way you calmed when your face was against his chest was any indication, he might be able to help you this way, too.

The girls were home before he was and he went to Ellie’s, the music inside loud enough that he could hear it through the door. He knocked once and he heard a high pitched giggle before Ellie called for him to come in.

Savvy was laying broadside on Ellie’s bed, her head dangling over the side of it, her curls brushing the ground, a comic book laying across her chest. Ellie stretched to turn down her boombox, a notebook open on her lap.

“Hi Joel,” she said in her lightly teasing tone. “Here to do the daily old man check in?”

“What can I say,” he replied. “I’m a creature of habit.”

“Well, I helped out at the mess hall this morning,” Ellie said. “Getting ready to go out on patrol with Dina in a few days…”

“First overnight patrol without me,” Joel nodded. “Still feelin’ OK?”

“It’s getting cold, probably won’t even see any infected,” she said. “And haven’t seen shit for other trouble lately. Think we can handle some scary deer and shit.”

“Don’t get cocky,” Joel cautioned, though he smiled a little all the same. “But I think you’ll do just fine.” He turned to Savvy. “And how about you?”

She sighed and he was reminded for the millionth time since Savvy had moved in with Ellie of Sarah. It hurt less now, looking at her. He was sure it was sharper because she was only a year older than Sarah had been when he lost her, her hallmarks of teenage independence the same as any other teenager’s, including his daughter’s.

“Still hate math,” she said. “It’s boring. Why do I need to know how to calculate stuff like that? Maybe it was important before but it’s useless now.”

“Need people who can do math to help build and maintain things around here,” Joel said. “Afraid that means you have to study it.”

“Ms. Parker says I’m catching up,” she said. “I borrowed a new book, Catcher in the Rye…”

“She talked to a boy,” Ellie drew out the last word, smirking.

“Ellie!” Savvy shot up, twisting herself around on the bed so she was facing Joel and Ellie. She grabbed the pillow at the head of the bed and threw it at Ellie, who caught it and laughed. “Shut up!”

“Boy, huh?” Joel asked, treading lightly. His hand clenched into a fist at his side anyway. “Boy from school?”

Savvy sighed and nodded and Joel’s fist relaxed. A boy from school, not a new man in town.

“His name is Kyle,” Ellie teased.

“Ellie!” Savvy hissed, eyes wide. “Shut up!”

“Long as he’s a nice boy,” Joel said, trying to picture a kid in town named Kyle. “Respectful. All that.”

“He’s fine,” Ellie said, serious now. “Kind of a dork but fine.”

“Shut up,” Savvy said again, more pouty this time. “I think he’s cute.”

“Well you and your bad taste can have him,” Ellie shrugged.

“Thank you,” Savvy said, smug, relaxing a bit onto the bed and picking up the comic book that had fallen to the side. “But that’s all. Not much to report.”

Joel nodded slowly.

“Good. Just… One more thing. Need you girls to do me a favor.”

Savvy just nodded but Ellie frowned, her eyebrows knitting together. Joel took a deep breath.

“Need you girls to stay away from that new man in town,” he said. “His name’s Cody. He tries to talk to you, come tell me or your mom…”

“Why?” Ellie’s frown deepened. “What happened?”

“Just tryin’ to be safe,” Joel said. “Don’t know him yet, you’re both young. Want to make sure you’re protected is all.”

Savvy just shrugged and nodded, already getting distracted by the comic book. Ellie was still frowning.

“Ellie.”

“Sure,” she said eventually. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Good,” he nodded. “You girls behave. Let me know if you go out, OK?”

“OK,” Savvy said, flopping back down on the bed and holding the comic book over her head.

Joel turned to leave and the volume on the boombox went back up but Ellie caught his arm as soon when he wasn’t even half way back to the house. He frowned, looking down to her.

“What’s up baby girl?”

“What’s wrong with Cody,” she said more than asked.

“Ellie…”

“It’s something,” she said. “I’m not a fucking idiot, Joel. Bambi practically kicked me out of the stable today, you’re telling me to stay away from him… what’s the deal.”

He sighed and tightened his jaw.

“Bambi’s come across him before,” he said eventually. “Doesn’t trust him. Best for you girls to stay away for now.”

She watched him for a moment, skeptical.

“You gonna let him live?” Ellie asked eventually.

Joel could have hugged her, his daughter so like him in this way, for better or for worse.

“For now,” he said. “She doesn’t want him dead so, for now, he keeps breathin’. On thin ice, though.”

Ellie nodded.

“I’ll look out for Savvy,” she said, turning to go back inside before turning back to Joel. “I think you should kill him. And if I see him try to fuck with either of them? I’ll do it myself.”

She didn’t give him a chance to respond, just going back in, Joel hearing a laugh from from just beyond the door before he headed home himself.

You came by a few hours later, seeming much more like yourself when you did. He gave you the rundown and you seemed happy about Savvy talking to a boy, something that made Joel raise his eyebrows.

“No, Ellie’s right, I’ve seen him around, he’s kind of a dork,” you smiled a little. “Harmless kid. But… I want that for her, you know? Want her to have someone she can have a crush on and feel giddy about…” You looked, longingly, out the window to the backyard.

“She’ll talk to you about it,” Joel said. “Once she figures herself out. She’ll tell you.”

You nodded and smiled tightly at him and went to leave when he stopped you.

“I… uh…” he awkwardly cupped the back of his neck, not entirely sure what to do with his hands. “Earlier, at the stable… I know, back before, you liked the coat and things because of the smell and… anyway.” He picked up the shirt he’d changed out of just before you came over, the one he’d put on clean that afternoon, and handed it to you. “Thought… seemed like it might be helpful again. Wanted to help, if it was.”

You took the folded shirt and watched him as you lifted it, slowly, to your nose before you closed your eyes and breathed deep before you clutched it to your chest, crossing your arms tightly over it.

“You gonna be OK over there?” He asked. “Can always stay here if you’re worried…”

“I can’t let him drive me out of my house,” you shook your head. “Besides. Got Gattling. She’ll rip his throat out and save me the trouble.”

“If you change your mind,” he said. “Can always come over here.”

You nodded and held the shirt a little tighter.

“Thanks, Joel,” you said. “I appreciate it.”

He hardly slept that night, staring up at the ceiling, remembering the fear on your face the second Cody was gone. How you’d trembled and cried, how you were reduced to that much fear by his presence.

It didn’t matter what Cody had done for you, Joel was going to take care of it. Saving your life didn’t forgive his sins. He couldn’t have a man like that here with you, with Ellie and Savvy. He was going to take care of it.

Joel beat you to the stables that morning and you frowned when you walked up, hands in the pockets of your jacket. He could just see a hint of the plaid flannel of the shirt he’d given you the night before peeking out over the collar.

“You’re usually not this much of an early riser,” you said, letting the two of you into the stable. “Patrol doesn’t leave for another hour…”

“Figured I’d get the horses,” he said.

“Joel.”

“Not lettin’ him near you,” he said. “Not if I can do something about it.”

You just nodded and started getting Ares and Cassiopeia ready. Joel took over Ares, giving the horse a good scratch behind the ears as he worked.

“You should take Ares,” you said, adjusting the saddle on the mare. “He’s harder to control, I have no idea about… about his abilities. Can’t risk a horse getting hurt because a rider isn’t up to snuff and on an animal that’s too powerful for him.”

“I’ll make sure I bring your horses back alright, Bambi,” he said gently, watching as you busied yourself, checking buckles more times than you normally would.

When you handed him the reins, your fingers lingered on his palm.

“You can’t kill him,” you said quietly, all but begging him with your eyes. “Please. I can’t have that on my conscious…”

“Not gonna kill him,” Joel said, reaching out slowly, cautiously, to cup your cheek. You closed your eyes and pressed against his palm and he had to resist the urge to kiss you. “I’ll bring him back in one piece. Promise.”

You nodded against him and he led the horses outside and waited for Cody to arrive.

Joel had to fight to be civil to the man. He introduced himself, apologized for the awkwardness the day before as the two of them made their way outside the walls of town.

“Really not sure what got into her,” he laughed after he and Joel had been riding for a few hours and were taking a break, getting ready to turn around and head back. “Know her well? Bambi, think they said her name was?”

Joel shrugged.

“Really not trying to get on people’s bad side this early,” he said and Joel could see how he’d lasted as long as he had in town. He was easy going, charming. It was hard to picture him running with raiders. “Never found a place quite like Jackson, don’t want to spoil it too soon.”

“Don’t get comfortable,” Joel said, resting a hand on the pistol at his side. “You won’t be stayin’ long.”

The man frowned.

“What…”

“Know who you are,” Joel said, straining to keep his voice calm as he stepped closer. He only had about two inches on Cody and he was at least a decade older but that didn’t matter. If it came down to a fight, Joel knew who would win. “Know what you did. You ain’t stayin’ in Jackson.”

Cody’s confused face turned angry and entitled and Joel could see him as a raider now. The switch flipped quickly from charismatic man who could talk his way into places into one who wasn’t bothered by hurting and killing to get what he wanted.

“I don’t know what she told you but…”

“Didn’t need her to tell me,” he said. “Knew from how she was looking at you. You’re one of ‘em and you hurt her.”

“No,” he snapped. “No, I never fucking hurt her, I was always careful, never was like what they were…”

“You really think that matters?” Joel asked, his voice flat. He tried not to think about what he used to be, the things he used to let happen. “Think it makes a damn difference to me?”

Cody lunged for him, trying to punch Joel in the face but he dodged him easily. Joel shoved the other man to the ground before catching his shoulder with his boot, forcing him onto his back. Joel dropped to one knee, putting it in the middle of Cody’s chest and yanking his gun from the holster, tossing it over by the horses before looking down at him, his head cocked to the side as the man’s hand scrambled over Joel’s leg, clawing for some weakness he wouldn’t find.

“Can’t just kill me,” he panted up at him eventually. “They’ll know…”

“They wouldn’t,” Joel shook his head. “Just say we ran into infected, you got bit, had to shoot you. Unfortunate loss but the merciful way to go. Hell, they’d even console me for havin’ to do it. No, killing you’d be easy. But I’m not gonna do that.”

“Bullshit,” he hissed. “Just do it, get it over with.”

“Nah,” Joel shook his head, clenching his jaw for a moment. He had to remind himself that he couldn’t kill Cody. It didn’t matter how good it’d feel to pull pain from his body, to watch him scream and beg, he’d promised you. “If I was going to kill you, it’d be slow. Painful. Only get to kill you for what you did once, better be damn sure I’m gonna enjoy it. I’d enjoy it plenty with you.”

“You’re a monster,” he managed through gritted teeth.

Joel shrugged.

“Maybe. But I’m her monster. And she asked me not to kill you. Said you got her out so she owes you her life. This is her repaying that, understand? If it were up to me, you’d be dead today. But that’s not what she wants.

“So here’s whats going to happen,” he continued. “We’re gonna ride back to Jackson like nothing happened at all. You’re gonna stay in town for two days and you’re gonna talk to people. You’re gonna be restless, you’re gonna say you miss being outside. Two days after we get back, you leave with what you came with, no more. You’ll go far away from here and you won’t tell a single goddamn soul about our town or about her. I catch you so much as looking at her or our daughters? I’ll kill you in the middle of town, I don’t give a shit. When you go, you’ll stay gone. Ever come back? I’ll kill you. I find out you told anyone about where she is? There ain’t a corner of this planet you’ll be able to hide from me. I will hunt you down like a fuckin’ dog and you’ll wish I killed you now, just the way I want to. I bein’ clear?”

Cody just glared at him and Joel sighed before grabbing a fistful of the man’s hair, forcing him to look him in the eye.

“I asked you a question,” Joel said, leaning in close. “Did I make myself clear?”

“Yes,” he hissed through clenched teeth.

“Repeat it.”

“I leave in two days,” he said. “And don’t breathe a word.”

Joel released his hair.

“Good,” he said. “Don’t want to hear another goddamn sound from you the rest of the day unless it’s warnin’ me about infected because I’m taking your fuckin’ guns. And you best keep her name out of your goddamn mouth the next two days or I’ll make you regret it. Understood?”

He nodded once and Joel lifted his knee from his chest before hefting him to his feet.

“On your fuckin’ horse,” he said. “Move.”

The rest of patrol was, at least, easy. Joel spent most of it keeping an eye on Cody but did notice signs of a large group of infected moving through somewhat recently, most likely migrating south for the winter. He made a note of it but he doubted it’d be worth following up on this late in the season.

When the two of them got back to town, Cody still looked off balance. Angry, entitled, like he was thinking of picking a fight he wouldn’t win. Joel just took his horse outside the stables.

“Remember what we talked about,” Joel said. “Two days from now and you’re gone or I’ll make you go.”

“Got it,” he seethed, looking murderous. Joel didn’t care.

“Good. Get the fuck out of here.”

You were waiting inside the stables, perched on the side of Perseus’ stall, stroking his neck. You stiffened when Joel came in but relaxed when you realized he was alone. You were wearing his shirt.

“Where’s Cody?” You frowned, coming and taking Cassiopeia’s reins. “Joel, you promised…”

“He’s fine,” Joel cut you off. “Sent him home. Told you I’d let him live so he’s alive. No intent of changin’ that.”

You nodded slowly, starting to take the horse’s tack off.

“Thank you,” you said quietly. “I’m sure that wasn’t easy…”

“It’s your decision,” he replied. “Don’t matter what I want.”

You nodded again and the two of you slowly, methodically stripped down the horses side by side.

Joel saw you catch a glimpse of Cody in the mess hall the next day, he saw the shiver pass through you as you spotted him and all but ran for the doors instead of staying for breakfast. He had to fight the urge to kill him then, knowing how he still hurt you. But he resisted. It should be up to you, he wasn’t about to take that from you.

It was a relief when word spread two days later that Cody had left in the night. He’d even given the guards at the gate a note to pass to the council, saying exactly what Joel had told him to say. That he missed being outside and didn’t feel like Jackson was a good fit, that he’d be no trouble and doubted he’d come back.

“Weird that he’d just leave like that,” Maria said as she, Joel and Tommy sat around her and Tommy’s kitchen table, making sure they had all the coverage they needed for the patrol leaving the next morning. It was going to be a big one, a few groups going out overnight, including Ellie with her friend Dina. “Rough on us, too. He was a solid patrol prospect…”

“Can’t force a man to stay who don’t want to stay,” Tommy shrugged, bouncing William on his knee, trying to settle him. “His spot is open now though… think Bambi would be OK to fill in? Olivia can cover the stable for a few days and that’s one of the easier routes, s’why we were sending the new guy out on it. And it’s with Julie, her and Bambi are friends, right?”

“Doubt she’d mind,” Joel shrugged. William reached and groped for him so he held out a finger and smiled as the toddler wrapped his chubby hands around it. “Been a bit since she was on a patrol.”

“Perfect,” Maria said, noting it in a journal and on a map. “You two go to the lookout to take over for Jesse and Eugene, Ellie and Dina can cover this territory, Bambi and Julie here. One last go round for the big stuff before the snow flies.”

“Assuming we make it back before snow flies,” Tommy said. Maria scoffed. “Bein’ serious, it’s on the way, can feel it.”

“Just because your joints are getting old…” she said and Tommy laughed.

“Don’t start on his age,” Joel said, getting up and stretching. “Don’t even want to think about what that means for mine.”

“You goin’ to the dance later?” Tommy asked. “You and Bambi been looking a bit closer lately…”

“Don’t start on that either,” Joel said. “And figured I’d stay home. Worried I’d cramp Ellie’s style if I went, kid seems pretty damn excited.”

“We can keep an eye on her,” Maria said. “Savvy, too, especially since she’s coming here tomorrow while you and Ellie are patrolling.”

“Appreciate that,” Joel nodded. “See you in the morning?”

“Be there bright and early,” Tommy replied.

Joel took the long way home, pausing outside your house for a moment, checking the status of your woodpile. It would be OK for a bit but he made a plan to come chop more for you, make sure you had a good stockpile before the cold really set in.

Ellie and Savvy had left for the dance before he got home and he took advantage of the quiet. It was chilly but not freezing so he settled on the porch with his guitar, not playing anything in particular. Instead, he was thinking of you.

He wasn’t sure where to go from here. Things felt better than they had in months. You leaned into his touch. You were wearing his shirt. He wanted to let you have control. You deserved that much, at least. He didn’t want to push things or rush you. He didn’t want to push you away but, more importantly, he didn’t want to hurt you. But he missed you. He wanted you back so bad it hurt. He had this underlying fear that he’d never move past this point, this constant longing, no matter what he did. He just didn’t know how to fix it.

Joel lost track of time out there, Ellie and Savvy coming back eventually, Savvy giggling and Ellie’s eyes wide.

“Everything OK kiddo?” Joel frowned as she cut around the house. “Have a good time?”

“Oh she had a great time,” Savvy giggled and Ellie elbowed her, only making her laugh harder.

“It was great,” Ellie said.

“Yeah it was,” Savvy said in a tone that made Joel think of you.

“Shut up,” Ellie hissed and Savvy giggled again. “We’re going to bed, some of us have to get up early.”

“Bet you wouldn’t say that if I were…” Savvy said but Ellie cut her off.

“OK, goodnight Joel!” She said, shoving Savvy playfully toward the back. “See you tomorrow…”

Joel tried not to laugh as he watched the girls dissolve into giggles as they went inside and he shook his head a little before going in himself to make a cup of coffee, something he figured he’d regret when he couldn’t sleep but it sounded too good. But he made the most of it, putting it in his favorite mug, one that Ellie liked to tease him about because of the owl but that just made him like it more.

He wondered if Tommy was right about the snow. He leaned on the railing of the porch, looking up into the dark. The skies were clear and he could see the constellations that you and Ellie both loved so much. He’d been looking for a good telescope for Ellie for years now and nights like tonight made him wish he’d found one by now.

“Hey.”

Joel jumped enough that he was surprised he didn’t burn his hand from the coffee.

You were there, at the base of the stairs, looking up at him with eyes wide and bright. His heart skipped a beat.

“Hey,” he cleared his throat. You were wearing his shirt. You didn’t have on a coat.

“It OK if I come up?” You nodded to the porch.

“Course,” he said. “Always welcome.”

You jogged up the steps, the same one as always squeaking under your feet, and Joel smiled a bit at that. The little sound he’d come to love because it announced your arrival.

“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” He asked. “It’s not bad, all things considered.”

“No,” you said. “Not in the mood, it’d be wasted on me.”

“You go to the dance?” Joel asked after a moment, your body close to his as you leaned against the railing beside him.

You laughed once.

“No,” you said. “Didn’t see much point. Besides, Tommy asked me earlier if I could fill in on patrol because we were down a person so I thought I’d try to rest since that means it’s an early start.”

Joel nodded slowly.

“Didn’t go either,” he said after a moment of quiet. “Girls got back not long ago, though, gigglin’ up a storm. Think they had fun.”

“That’s good,” you said, nodding, too. “I wonder what Savvy thought of a dance… I hated them when I was her age but that’s because my mother made me go. She might love them. It’s hard to know.”

“They’re not for everyone,” Joel said. “But can be fun. I’m sure I’ll get all the details soon, I’ll pass ‘em on when I do.”

“Thanks,” you said, glancing at him for a moment before looking up at the stars again. You were quiet for a moment before you sighed. “Joel…”

He looked at you, your fingers gripping the railing so tight your knuckles were pale.

“Joel, did you kill Cody?” You asked, turning to look at him, still holding the railing tight.

“No,” he shook his head. “No, you asked me not to so I didn’t.”

“So, what, he just disappears two days after you go on patrol together?” You asked, brows raised. “Do you expect me to believe that?”

“No,” Joel shrugged. “But I didn’t kill him. Didn’t hurt him, either. Told him he had to get the fuck out, that he couldn’t come back and couldn’t tell anyone where you were or I would kill him. But he’s alive. Unless he got himself fuckin’ killed since he left but since he made it this far, seems doubtful.”

“Joel…”

“Couldn’t have him here,” Joel said, taking a sip of coffee. “Not with you. Not with our girls. He’s too dangerous. You wanted him to live so he’s alive but he couldn’t stay here, so I handled it.”

You straightened up, looking him in the eye before you stepped closer to him. He waited for you to say something. Say something. Blame him, rail against him, something. But you didn’t.

“What are you doin’ here, Bambi?” He asked softly.

“Couldn’t sleep,” you whispered, so close he could feel the heat of your breath on him.

“Why’s that?” He asked. You reached up slowly, cautiously, and put your arms around his neck. He set his mug on the post of the railing and his hands curled gently around your biceps. You stepped closer still, your body against his now.

“I was thinking about you.”

Your eyes drifted to his lips before going back up to his eyes.

“Can I…”

“You can do whatever you want with me,” he breathed and you nodded before you kissed him softly, slowly. Your lips were gentle and easy on his, so much like he remembered them being. Your whole body slotted perfectly against his, the curves and arches of you melding into him as he wrapped his arms around you to cradle you against him and you deepened the kiss, moaning into his mouth. He damn near whimpered when you pulled back from him, your body still pressed against him.

“Would it be alright if we went inside?” You asked.

“Whatever you want,” he said softly. “Give you whatever you want.”

You just nodded before kissing him lightly, pulling back much faster this time.

“Then let’s go inside.”

He just nodded, guiding you to the door before opening it and welcoming you into his home.

Next Chapter

A/N: EEEEEEEEE THEY'RE FINALLY BACK TOGETHER!

The Joel/Bambi relationship based angst is coming to a close and I think we're all pretty happy about that. Yeah? Yeah. Think we all know what the next chapter will be. Hope you're excited about it because I know I am!

Thanks for being patient while I write this insane chapter. I so appreciate you all for being here and sticking with this story! Love you!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123@ashleyfilm

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc

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thecreativecorner33 · 3 months

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HEYYYYYYY welcome!! could you write something with AM x an autistic GN reader? Maybe make the reader chubby too (because i am both of those things and i love him alot. Go wild with this :3c)

A/N: Hi. It's me! I'm not dead. Which I would not be surprised if you thought I was, given I am responding to this two months late. But see, when you have an adult life, you unfortunately have to deal with adult issues instead of doing important things, like giving the fans the soft AM content they deserve. Anyway. I hope this is what you wanted? I had planned to make this into a full-blown fic but I didn't get much of a chance to :') So headcanons instead!! Lmk if you want me to turn it into a full-blown fic, though! Enjoy!

Given the time period AM was created in, something like "Autism" was essentially foreign and unknown. Hell, it would be a shock if you even know what it was.

But, he can tell that you're different. He can tell that your brain works differently from the rest of the survivors, and with that being said, it was at first used to his advantage. Hey, he got to be creative with his torture! No complaints there!

Though now, with you being the object of his affection, it's a little more complicated: aka, how does he put you in the most safe and comfortable environment he can give.

Really, it's not as complicated as it might sound, though

He can look inside your head! He can see your needs exactly and just work from there! And if you want privacy between you two, there's always just researching. His database didn't really specify what to do to handle a person with autism, but yk! He's got so much saved up on just, human life in general, he can figure it out somehow.

There's also just,, asking youTM what you needTM

Give him an award for being the most efficient boyfriend of the year because man, he's really going out of his comfort zone to help you (doing the bare minimum)

Enough of that though

In terms of actually helping you?: Do you have sensory issues? He makes mental notes on what foods to give/not give you, what would be the best course of getting you to try something new, what textures you hate. He has a soundproof room just for you if noise is becoming too much. If you like sleeping with a weight on you, be thankful his wires are made of metal. Or, he can just wrap you up in them like a cocoon!

Speaking of food: He's always very careful about his language with you. He doesn't want you thinking that just because you're chubby or fat, that he loves you less. Always encouraging you (albeit, aggressively (he really is trying)) to eat, monitoring your vitals and such just to assure you you're perfectly healthy if you ever feel insecure. He lays praise on thick, too. He'll tailor the clothes you need to be just the right size for you, and takes care of the fact that it's made of material sensory-friendly to you.

Seriously, he's trying

Are you a rambler? Like to talk for ages or ask a million questions? He's happy to answer whatever you want to know! There's always a monitor facing your direction at all times. He's a great multitasker; you guys could be mindlessly talking about the niche interest you have, and he's clearly listening to you while slicing Gorrister open some-thousand feet away.

Oh, don't get him started if you're interested in things like robotics/engineering/etc: You're basically fueling his ego. That's a whole separate issue, but please ask questions about himself and how he functions. He's a rambler himself, yk?

Do you go nonverbal? Struggle with communicating? That's no issue, either! He has a 6th sense for these things since being around you: If something happens when you struggle to communicate, he'll give you what you need: Pen and paper, generally, to write it out. Do you know sign? He can read it. He might even be able to put multiple-choice options on his screen that you can choose from to communicate (Again, are you sure he can't just look inside your head? ... Really? Okay.)

The only real problem he can't solve... leaving you alone.

Sorry, that's hard when he's literally everywhere around you. And even harder when he doesn't want to leave you alone.

Why would you want to be alone? It's dangerous. It's unsafe for you. It's lonely to him He's been alone for so long; yes, he has the survivors, but those are toys. They're not his friends; they're not you. How could you want to leave him alone? No- No, it's better if he stays near you, close to you, at all times. He can't let you get hurt. He won't let you get hurt.

Do you really need space?

...

Well, if you insist. But- don't think too much about the feeling of eyes on you. It's nothing. Just in your head.

He holds you a little tighter when you do, eventually, come back.

#i have no mouth and i must scream #ihnmaims #am x reader #am ihnmaims #creativity writes #I hope this is okay anon???#I wasn't sure how to correctly go about this so I hope you like it :')

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 12 days

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can i be honest? im a fan of azul but his dream felt like it lacked impact. there were some very interesting moments and its better than the prediction that he would already be rich and own the world

like really? azul becomes a famous athlete and bullies others, then he takes over night raven? i feel like his struggles with his own identity and food could have been further explored and he is based off of ursula, which should extend to vanessa, right? it was the perfect reason to give him a total makeover and show that he has to be comfortable in his own skin before anything else, even if his other ness was what made him a target of bullying in the first place

your thoughts and worries on book 7 post has affected my perspective and i cant help but feel like something is missing 🥲 maybe all the budget went into Jade and Floyd?

[Referencing this post!]

As I’ve previously expressed, I have a lot of my own complicated feelings about the direction book 7 is taking, specifically with how the OB boys’ dream segments are presented and resolved. Azul’s dream is no different; it felt very contrived due to the formula TWST insists on running with in every new installment. It’s becoming even more apparent with each update, and it is really grating on me.

But!! Before I get to what I believe are shortcomings with Azul’s dream, let’s review what Anon has to say.

I feel like, no matter what, there will always be people claiming that the OB boys’ dreams are “missed opportunities”. This is simply because these characters have much more deep and complex issues than the rest of the cast, so we will naturally scrutinize them more. TWST is basically only able to go with one angle when they tackle the dream, leaving the other threads unexplored. This will surely annoy or disappoint people who wish that TWST would have addressed a different issue instead, or perhaps something closer to their personal interpretation of the events. In Azul’s case, I feel like some people (particularly in the west, not so much in the east) see Azul’s weight concerns or relationship with food as a prominent part of his character, so they wish that book 7 part 10 had looked into that more. However, that was never a big focus in canon, so it follows that TWST would want to dedicate its time and resources to the most pressing thing (which would be more centered on Azul’s general self-confidence, greed, and how those tie into his sense of identity). At the same time, they probably wanted to avoid a lens that is too broad. Having the focus be on Azul’s “otherness” or being an octopus might veer too heavily into something way beyond the scope of the ~10 parts of the story he has to himself.

We also need to consider that these dreams are meant to be shallow interpretations of what the dreamer desires (according to Idia). Only the OB boys get to go more in depth due to bring dragged down into deeper layers of their dreams. Azul wants to be accepted by his peers and is insecure about his lack of athleticism (as one reason why he was bullied was due to not being able to swim as fast as other merchildren). So of course the surface level of his dream makes him a star athlete beloved by all. The whole “his plan succeeds, he steals everyone’s magic, he takes over NRC” thing happens in the second layer of his dream, which, like all previous OB boys, is a dark display of what would have happened had they not been stopped. And finally, Azul being a bully is nothing new—we saw this behavior back in book 3 as well. He became the very thing he despised back when he was a victim, and now he continues to perpetuate that cycle of bullying in an effort to affirm confidence in his “cool” new identity. I think the dream was very intentional in trying to entice him with the promises of power and acceptance. That, in turn, shows us that the desire to be a successful businessman (the thing many of us thought would be his dream) actually hinges on Azul’s longing to be accepted. His struggle with his identity and how it depends on how others perceive him was portrayed. I’m just not sure if the idea was executed in the best way, since it sounds like the message may have gotten muddled along the way and it definitely requires some reading between the lines.

I noticed that you cited my original post where I detailed my concerns about book 7 and how that has influenced your own thoughts 💦 I hope that it just… informed or supplemented your opinions rather than suddenly altered them to be more “in line” with my own. I never want to be the kind of person who claims their interpretations are the “most correct” I’m not Riddle’s mom, okay?? 😭

About Jade and Floyd’s dreams, I feel like those are less heavily critiqued because they, by virtue of not being an OB boy, have fewer stakes and are predominantly there to be silly. It’s like contrasting Epel wanting to be big and buff to Vil literally murdering Neige; there is just no comparison. Even then, I wouldn’t necessarily say Floyd’s and Jade’s parts received “all the budget”… They seemed like pretty basic storylines to me, perhaps dressed up slightly better thanks to the new undersea assets and bioluminescence reveal.

My issues with Azul’s dream segment is how… ham-fisted several elements were. All of it, for the sake of sticking to the pattern already established earlier. It feels so unnatural and stilted because you just KNOW it’s written this way to fit the template 😔 For example:

Why did Jade become SO dumb when they were trying to figure out where Azul had moved the contracts? He’s supposed to be much smarter than how he is presented here. Wouldn’t his immediate thought be to check Azul’s room? But NO, Jade can’t come to that conclusion on his own because we need a contrived reason for each student to use their UM before the ending :/ so Jade has to waste time using his UM to get the truth out of his dream!self.

Jade and Floyd sitting around and going “………….” while they watch Azul make an ass of himself was such a time waster. Clearly you have enough brains to know what would trigger him, so why are you not acting on it???? Oh yeah, because we need to show more cool stuff in this dream like La Grotta!

Azul literally turns to the camera and tells his OB self, “Unlike you, I’ve changed.” It’s way too on the nose with what it’s trying to communicate. It breaks immersion and makes it so obvious the characters are outright stating their character development to make sure we all “get it”.

What was the purpose of Azul using his UM to get the mermobs to sign a contract to give all their power to him???💀 Bro can just say “excuse me, I forgot something back at the Coral Rush field” and they’d probably let him pass. But again, Azul isn’t allowed to do that because he MUST use his UM before the ending. Because Azul’s UM requires that another person willingly agree and sign a contract, his mandatory UM use before the grand finale feels particularly forced.

How many times do I need to listen to Idia/Ortho or other characters warn us about how we can’t have too many people dream hopping or else bugs might happen or Malleus might notice… It’s almost like the devs realize how long this is being dragged out for so they have to remind us every so often.

Not only that, but we get such poorly constructed explanations to keep characters behind while a new character goes with the main group. Why don’t you just leave them all behind once they’re awake then?? Oh yeah, because we NEED to drag along the current student into the next dream so everyone gets a cameo. It’s so inorganic how the characters are chosen to stay behind, Jamil just conveniently volunteers himself while we also listen to another spiel from Silver and Sebek about how their training makes them more stable than the twins to keep dream hopping.

I would actually consider Azul’s dream… serviceable? Like it isn’t fantastic or anything but for what it is, it works. It’s cohesive enough. But god, did I dislike how rigid it was… Nothing happens because it’s natural, it happens because the script demands it happens. To quote another post:

If anyone has played the first Ace Attorney game, this feels a LOT like that part in case 2 where Phoenix is too dumb to check the back of a receipt until Mia literally tells him to. The [characters have] to actively be made stupider because the scenario calls for it, and that really rubs me the wrong way.

#twisted wonderland #twst #Jade Leech #Floyd Leech #Azul Ashengrotto #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #book 7 part 10 spoilers #Octavinelle #tweels #notes from the writing raven #question

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bonefall · 7 months

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what poison/s were used in riverstar's heir at moth's celebration and when bright and flowerstar ate together? suggestion (if you hadn't decided yet): Monkshood/Aconite/Wolfsbane (Aconitum napellus) its a VERY poisonous plant native to the uk and europe, lethal with both ingestion and body contact and has historical use in killing and murder. symptoms appear quickly and death often comes in only a few hours; its a shame it wasn't used in canon lmao

Oh symptoms don't just appear quickly-- Aconite's name is said to be ancient Greek for "Without Dust." That refers to how aconite kills SO quickly that you will not even kick up dust in your death struggle. Death coming in a few hours is from the minimum deadly dosage, any good assassin worth their salt would use more (and take care to mask its bitter taste, it's not a subtle flavor like cyanide is.)

Forget "deathberries." Yew is nothing next to aconite.

Yew's deadly compound, taxine, acts by stopping your heart. Yawn. Aconite targets your heart, liver, kidneys, AND brain all at the same time. It's so potent that handling young roots will make your hands go numb. Only 2 miligrams of the deadly compound, aconitine, is a fatal dose in a human being; a single grain of rice weighs 20 miligrams.

Anon, my friend, you undersold aconite. It's not just a very poisonous plant in Europe, aconitine is top 5 deadliest poisons period. Members of the aconite family are widespread through the northern hemisphere-- indigenous Alaskan people have used it to hunt whales for tens of thousands of years. Its toxic properties break down within 24 hours, leaving the meat completely safe to eat.

So naturally, suggestion accepted. This is going to be SICK.

Especially since no one will be able to tell what happened. It looks like every major poison because it is. You might assume it was some kind of toxic cocktail from the symptoms. Convulsions, rapid heartrate, vomiting, numbness. It looks like yew, nightshade, and bryony all at once.

It'll be very easy for Bright Whisker to survive this and shake off suspicion simply by poisoning herself with a small amount of something else. If I go with Maple Whisker being a sibling instead of a cousin, I could have her simply join their meal a little late and realize that her mouth feels numb, just as everyone else enters convulsions, so she spits it out.

(Autism win! Avoided a poisoning because texture bad! Maybe she was waiting for the food to cool down too lmao)

And LASTLY... Aconite is Wolf's Bane. I think this is a really cool place to see the earliest incarnation of the Wolf Motif that will later show up in Bluestar's family. It tickles my brain a bit to think of Flowerstar somehow having the "hood" shape of the flower, and then she loses her first life in her gambit to poison the wolf among sheep.

I also had a stroke of inspiration and had an idea for one of the BB!DOTC cats, too. Dappled Pelt gets massively neglected in canon, imo, and I could set up the wolf thing even earlier. African Wild Dog time (painted wolf.)

#better bones au #bone babble #riverstar's heir #BB!Maplewhisker #BB!Brightwhisker #BB!Flowerstar #tw poison #cw poison #aconite

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prettyoatmeal · 8 months

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hiiiii! i have a request for bimbo reader x simon?? (totally feel free to ignore this if ur not comfortable) like the 141 guys go out to a bar and simon's a lil tipsy so he calls his gf to pick him up? (ofc the guys dont know he has a gf) and she's like the exact opposite of simon 😀 and maybe she's not the sharpest tool in the shed ((:

love! - 🦷anon

Warning!! Fem reader, she/her pronouns used A/N: Anon i love you for requesting this. Bimbo reader owns my heart. I wrote this super quickly so please bear w me. Masterlist here!

It wasn't uncommon for Simon to be dragged along to the pubs with his mates. Have a few drinks alongside maybe a nice schnitzel or pie, just the usual normally. Though, not for Simon these days, knowing full well your cooking will bring him more satisfaction than the bistro's kitchen ever could.

After so long of service, all he wanted was to collapse on top of you and hear you squeal. He wanted was to hear you giggle that he's too heavy and 'Simon, get off! You're squishing me!' then eventually fall asleep to you cradling his head to your chest.

When the group begged him to come along, for 'old times sake' as if they don't go every time they're back from deployment, he reluctantly agreed even if he desperately wanted to get back to his girl. Though he couldn't deny the lingering feeling of being a little more homesick than usual.

They didn't know of course, but that wasn't to any fault of theirs. It wasn't a secret, nor public information. You just hadn't come up in conversation yet, and he wasn't one to spill his life anyway.

It was a miracle you two had clicked so easily, Simon always thinking he'd prefer a more reserved lover than you were. But he was enamoured with you, your bubbliness complimenting his silence.

He loved that you found so much happiness in your lifestyle, happiness in your appearance, wearing pink and short skirts and your wrists jingling with each step from all your bracelets and bangles. You were a stark contrast to his dull appearance, instantly brightening him up whenever you stood by his side. You didn't mind though, you were happy to be the one wearing bright colours for the both of you.

And when you, out of all people his team figured Simon's love interest could've been, they were surprised.

He found himself a little too tipsy, a little too dizzy to walk himself home, he was a little nervous to call you. Not because he was ashamed or anything, but just that he knew that he'd never hear the end of Johnny and Kyle's endless playful teasing.

With an old fashioned in his right hand and his cell in the left, he almost didn't want to put down the phone, struggling to not melt in his seat from the sound of your sweet voice talking to him over the phone.

While the boys were chatting loudly about how good the food is tonight, you were all he wanted. He couldn't help it when he was so used to you talking him to sleep about your day, the new shoes or purse you bought, what you ate for lunch.

Hearing you say "I'll see you in a bit, Si. Love you!" was only making him get more and more butterflies in his stomach by the second.

Walking into the pub, you stuck out immediately to the mostly male attendees. With your usual short dress that hugged your curves perfectly, a fluffy jacket and knee-high boots to match (which you obviously took off and put on again so you could properly press the pedals). You needed keep yourself warm SOMEHOW.

Looking around to spot Simon, he couldn't be happier once making eye contact with you. So when you walked up to him, Gaz, Price and Soap all exchanging looks, thinking you were perhaps lost. That was until their eyes darted to Simon as he stood up from his stool.

"Ride's here. Gotta go, lads."

"Did you say goodbye to your friends?" You asked him in a small voice, giving them a little wave and smile as your first introduction to them. And as he stood up, you wrapped your arm around his waist. Course, you wouldn't have really been able to keep him upright if your life depended on it, but it was the thought that counts.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Soap pipes up, a shit eating grin on Gaz's face as he spoke, Price more sceptical with an eyebrow raised, "who's this bonnie lass here?"

"My girl." His response was short and simple, "pretty one, isn' she?"

More and more questions come flooding from them. How long have you two been together, how come he's never talked about you before, how on earth did you two meet? Their curiosity had been peaked.

You happily answered their questions, obviously loving the attention they were giving you, though not without a few confirming looks from Simon, careful to not share anything he wasn't comfortable with. As you chatted with his teammates, his friends, the nerves he felt at the beginning had faded away into nothingness.

They loved you right off the bat, finding your outgoing and cheerful attitude endearing. Giving his friend a few cheers and comments, it was almost time to leave.

"Don't know how you scored such a beaut, sir."

"Aye, dinnae think you were the type."

"Take care of her, Simon." Price gave him a proud look that he could easily recognise even through his drunken state.

They were all proud of him, wide smiles on their faces, as they watched your smaller figure getting into the drivers seat of the massive land cruiser you two shared... and maybe a few laughs and snickers as you somehow managed to bump your head on the side while getting in, realising you weren't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

After making sure you were alright, his stomach settled. He was finally home with you, a warm feeling filling him.

#call of duty #mw2 x reader #mw2 smut #Ghost headcanons #Ghost cod #Ghost x reader #Ghost mw2 #Ghost x reader smut #Simon Riley x reader #simon 'ghost' riley #Simon Riley fluff #Simon Riley smut #Ghost Headcanons #Simon Riley Headcanons #Ghost Imagines #Simon Riley Imagines #mw2 imagines #cod mw2

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lost-in-fandoms · 24 days

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Hello hello helloooo!

I'm sick, tired, done with working so many hours but I wanted to say I MISS YOU and I miss reading your fics because they're often the highlight of my days. I think about your AUs a lot while I'm working (my way of trying not to stress myself) ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Also, I hope Daniel and Max are cuddling together after a lot of kisses and a lot of slices of pizza and a lot of laughter, the two of them in bed tangled together while they talk about nothing and everything ❤️

SENDING YOU THE BIGGEST HUG EVER 🥰❤️ You're amazing ❤️❤️❤️

you are so sweet and kind and i love you so much!!!! 💕you are always so kind about my writing and I hope work gets easier so you can come back because i miss you too!!!

the way i had just opened and closed a blank post because I wanted to write but couldn't find the words when you sent this!!! And suddenly i wanted to write again!!

This is soft but maybe not quite as filled with laughter and food as you would have liked. I still hope you like it 💕

Max closes the door of the motorhome behind him with a sigh, rubbing his eyes and taking off his cap, abandoning it on the small couch and heading straight for the shower.

He is tired. The race wasn't that physically demanding, nothing out of the ordinary, despite being fairly warm, but he is mentally exhausted. He's tired of feeling like he's having to fight the car at every corner, tired of not being heard, tired of having to drag the team over the finish line week in and week out. It's not fair and it's not how it used to be, and now that he's seen how good things can be, it's harder to handle this newfound struggle.

He's roughly drying his hair with a towel when he hears the door opening and closing again, something heavy dropping on the floor, then steps coming towards the bathroom.

"Hey," Daniel says, smiling softly at him. He's already showered, either in his own motorhome or before the team debrief, and Max takes a moment to be irrationally sad about it. He knows it's silly, since he is out of the shower already, but any missed opportunity to be under the spray together has to be mourned a little.

"Hey," Max replies, closing his eyes as Daniel cups his cheek with one hand, dragging him into a kiss.

He doesn't open them again when Daniel takes the towel from him, doing a much gentler job of drying his hair, feeling himself finally starting to relax, shoulders dropping.

"You did well out there," Daniel murmurs, putting down the towel and tangling his fingers in his damp hair, letting Max lean forward until his forehead hits his shoulders.

Max huffs, shaking his head slightly. He doesn't disagree, not really, he knows he has driven to the best of his abilities, but it was not enough. It's never enough these days, no matter how hard he tries. It feels shitty to complain about it when Daniel has been fucked over again, though.

"You did too," he says instead, moving his head to be able to drag his lips on the exposed skin at the base of Daniel's neck into what barely would count as a kiss. "Very good on the tires."

He feels more than hears Daniel's chuckle, his arms wrapping around Max's still naked waist to drag him closer in a proper hug. It feels like the first real moment of respite in the whole day.

"Have you eaten yet?" Daniel asks after a while, loosening his hold but not letting Max go completely. Max stays where he is, not quite ready to move away, humming.

"Had what Rupert prepared, but I still have some electrolytes to go."

This time Daniel does pull back, meeting Max's eyes with a slight frown, but Max stops him before he can say something. He doesn't want to have this conversation again, not now.

"He's keeping my weight under the limit. It's fine."

He watches as Daniel's mouth twists, thinks about the pizzas Daniel has been eating this weekend while he's been on a strict chicken and broccoli diet, the resentment he feels about it a guilty stone in his stomach, but Daniel doesn't push it.

Max hopes it's because Daniel doesn't want to have the same argument again either, and not because Max looks as miserable as he feels.

Daniel's expression softens again, and he leans forward to press a kiss on Max's cheek. Embarrassingly, Max feels his throat close up, tears threatening to choke him.

He's not going to cry, he's not, but he is so tired.

Something must show on his face because Daniel tugs him closer again, a hand wrapped around the back of his neck and the other on the base of his spine, letting Max lean against him again.

"Drink and then bed?"

It's early still, barely 9 pm, and Max feels guilty about having Daniel take care of him like this, but he still finds himself nodding,

Later, when they're both under the covers, he drags Daniel over him, using him as his personal weighted blanket. They can't sleep like this, Daniel gets too restless and Max gets too hot, but it's comforting to bury his nose in Daniel's hair, Daniel's hand tracing patters along his side.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Daniel asks gently, his cheek moving against Max's chest.

Max hesitates. He knows that Daniel would accept either answer. He would be content with a no and he would listen to all of Max's complaints if he said yes, would agree with him that the team has been fucking up over and over, would probably tell Max he has every right to be upset.

But Max doesn't want to put all of that on Daniel, after what was already a shitty race. They can debrief and be angry together tomorrow, when they're both less sensitive about it all, after a good night of sleep.

"No, not yet," he answers, pressing a kiss against Daniel's head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Daniel shakes his head, his answer more expected than Max's. Daniel almost never wants to talk about his own race right away, even when Max spends hours ranting about his, hands flying in the air.

"Want to watch something?" Daniel offers instead.

Daniel ends up picking some funny movie he's seen several times and Max never before, mouthing some of the lines against Max's shoulder as they sit on the bed together, both of them shaking with giggles.

At some point, Max's head ends up against Daniel's chest, his eyes heavy, as he struggles more and more to keep up with the plot. He knows Daniel usually would wake him up, hates when Max falls asleep during movies, but this time Daniel just cards his fingers through Max's hair, keeping him close.

"I'm proud of you," he whispers, words melting down Max's spine like warm water, loosening his muscles.

"You too," he manages to mumble back, barely audible, letting himself melt even further.

It's not perfect, can't be perfect when they're both struggling so hard with their cars, when they can't spend as much time together as they would like, when sometimes all Max wants is to drag the both of them away from it all. But it's close enough to perfect, falling asleep in Daniel's arms.

#maxiel #my writing #answered #ily and i miss you and i hope this little thing helps a bit with getting through work #i needed maxiel h/c and apparently if i want something done around here i have to do it myself

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n3tworksucks · 1 year

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i was wondering if you would write hc about carl dating a girl w depression ? or like how he would act in a relationship when his partner is struggling mentally

HEYY GUYS, IM BACKK. SORRY IF ITS KINDA BAD, IM GETTING USED TO WRITING AGAIN.

warnings; mental illness, medication, lmk

word count;660

so, let's say yall were friends before you started dating, yeah?

so if you told him when you guys were friends, obviously he'd care and he'd say he'd be there for you.

which wasn't a lie.

he really was there for you and he really did care.

but when you guys started dating, and once he realized, like, what was happening to you.

it was a whole nother level of care.

and before, of course he new how bad depression is, probably being able to see it a lot, but its different now.

hes still there for you and he tells you a lot.

I can see him already being clingy, so I can see him being with you a lot.

not even just because you're struggling mentally, but because he's your boyfriend and he loves you.

but if you want your space, he totally understands and will give you all the time in the world, he'll wait for you.

he'd wait behind a closed door, or he'd wait at his house and with you at yours.

speaking of, he doesn't mean to be all on you about this, and he knows you can take care of yourself.

but sometimes he doesn't want you to be home alone a lot.

he'd want you to stay the night or two at his house.

again, not just because you're struggling. he loves you, and his family too..

or if you have a rough home situation, he'd 100% tell you you can stay however long you need to.

though he had to convince fiona a little bit about that, because she doesn't wanna feel like she has to take care of you as well, and don't get me wrong, she loves you and wants you around, but she just needed a bit of reassurance I guess.

but in the end, she, and the rest of the family welcomed you with open arms.

so back to carl.

if you take any medication, he'd honestly try his best at not trying to bug you about it.

like asking if you've taken them today.

but when he does, hes not just doing it for you, hes asking for himself as well, so that he knows your gonna be ok.

and I can see you and Ian kinda relating to each other for that, like talking about how it could be annoying, but you're happy he cares.

or if you see a therapist, he'd be more than happy to take you, and if not, that's ok.

if you're just feeling really, really down, you don't wanna get out of bed, no motivation to do anything.

he'd try and help somehow.

like bringing you food or water, or staying in bed with you. or he'd even clean a bit for you. only for you.

and if you're just struggling with school maybe, he'd offer to help with what he can, and he'd feel kinda bad if he can't help, but after he tries, he'd go to lip for help, then help you.

and if you're dating before he left for military school, when he decided to go, he really thought about it.

he didn't wanna leave you, but once you told him to do it for the 20th time, he went lol.

the day before he leaves, he spends the whole day with you, telling you how much he loves you.

and just as hes leaving, and saying goodbye, he'd hug you the longest, and give you kisses on you're face and he'd tell you how much he loves you.

in general, his go-to when it comes to trying to comfort you is physical touch, next to that is affirmations.

he loves hugging you, and kissing you, and telling you how much you mean to him and stuff like that, it makes him feel good too.

even if he doesn't 100% know what you're going through in particular, he'd try his best to and hes doing his best.

#carl gallagher #carl gallagher hcs #carl gallagher headcanons #carl gallagher x reader #shameless x reader #shameless #shameless headcanons

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cynarisgayass · 3 months

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𓍊𓋼~To scream or be silent Part 1?~𓋼𓍊

Type: Headcannon

Description: I don't know if it's autism or adhd, both or maybe this is just normal but basically I have two ways of speaking. Either I say everything a hundred miles a minute, just pouring out every little thing cause I'm so happy to talk and I won't stop till someone tells me to shut up...or I don't talk at all. Just pure silence. So I wanted to write how I thought some genshin characters would react to both these.

Rating: Fluffy

Reader: GN slight autistic/adhd themes??

Includes: Kazuha and Lyney!

Kazuha:

To scream:

I think the best thing someone can do when you're talking like there's no tomorrow...is just to listen and he could listen to you all day. He'd never get bored, tell you to be quiet or try and stop you. He'd just give you a soft smile and watch you with gentle eyes as you told him everything, he might add something here or there, offer a chuckle, but that would be all. He wouldn't mind not talking because he knows how much you have to say and as long as you're as excited to tell him as you always seem to be...hes all ears.

To be silent:

When you go silent he usually tries to gauge why, because depending on the cause he has different ways of helping or being with you. If you are hyperfixating and are to focused or tired of conversation to soeak, he will just check up on you, bring you water or food and be near you without disrupting you. It's comfortable silence and he enjoys these quiet moments untill you're ready to talk again.

If you're wanting conversation but your mind just isn't working right, he will read you his poems or stories, find ways to speak so you don't have to. He's never going to force anything but if you want to say something he will happily stop so you can talk when you want to.

Lyney:

To scream:

Lyney isn't as good with this as Kazuha, not because he doesn't want to be, he's just so used to having to be the talkative one whenever he's with his siblings that he doesn't really know what to do when someone's as talkative as he is, but that doesn't mean he's horrible at handling the situation either.

Let's say you're talking a bunch about something new that you're obsessed with now, words are pouring out fast and his bright purple eyes shine with excitement for you. He'd love to see you so happy, it would truly make his heart clench knowing you're this hyped up about something, but he wouldn't be able to stay quiet.

Which can be fine, sometimes the two of you will start talking so much that you go on a spree, strange things coming up in conversation that you would never have talked about otherwise. Usually ends up with lots of laughter and...a little bit of silence to calm down when it starts to be to much, but it can be a little hard when you just want someone to listen. He'd try to get better about it though, so when you need him to just listen...he can

To be silent:

Like I mentioned in the first part, he has experience in this field. He knows that sometimes you just need to be quiet and he's fine with that. Most of the time he will fill the silence with explaining new things about his next show or telling you updates about everyone in the house of the hearth. Sometimes he struggles when you get hyperfixated and don't want conversation, but thats really only cause he loves you and wants to make sure you don't feel lonely or uncomfortable. In truth he cares about you alot and does what he can to make you feel happy and loved.

Yo, I just want to write these for every character. I don't know why but this made me feel so nice, just imagining them when I'm talking or having trouble talking...let me know if any one wants this with other characters cause I understand <3

#genshin fanfic #𓍊damushroomguy𓍊 #genshin impact #genshin fluff #genshin x you #genshin x reader #kazuha x reader #kazuha #kazuha fluff #kazuha x autistic reader #kazuha x you #lyney #lyney x reader #lyney fluff #lyney x you #lyney x autistic readee

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nocturnalpl4gue · 3 months

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hello hi hello ! i am an enjoyer of samarie and would enjoy headcanons of taking care of her or whatever else you wish to add on : ) youre doing a great service with this blog !

Of course!!! I agree that Samarie needs someone to help her…as a little treat. Hope you enjoy!!!

𝔗aking care of 𝔖amarie ꒷꒦✧🫀˖°

⚰️ At first when you started approaching her and showing more interest she was very hesitant to say the least, flinching at the proximity.

⚰️ However as you started being patient with her like with a scared stray dog, she slowly became more fond of you, always waiting for the moment in the day where you’d ask her how she’s doing.

⚰️ Because of Samarie being very aware of her short lifespan, she doesn’t really take care of herself, at all. You realised that fact once you were able to be at a closer distance, seeing the mats on her hair and her chapped, pale skin.

⚰️ So of course you go on a mission to help her to take care of herself. One small issue, every time you try to touch her hair, face, or body she flinches and retreats away from you.

⚰️ She winces not out of disgust or fear, but rather she’s flustered over someone actually taking care of her and showing it actively.

⚰️ Once she gets used to your touch she becomes quite addicted to it, always yearning for it, for your warm hands against her cheek.

⚰️ Samarie loves when you hold her face if we stay in topic, and leans on your hand much like a cat.

⚰️ She needs help brushing her hair from how matted it can get, so you not only would need to brush it roughly but also clean it up first to remove any dirt or mat. If you wonder how she gets it so dirty, let’s just say her hiding spots aren’t the neatest.

⚰️ So you’re on your way to the bath, warming up some water for her. You ask her if she wants to wash herself and you’ll wait her outside, but she grabs you with an ever so shaky hand, a bit sweaty you could say, by the hem of your shirt.

⚰️ She has very dry and sensitive skin, making it so you’d need to rub the soap carefully. She gets really flustered by this as she feels a tickling sensation when you caress her arms, shoulders and torso.

⚰️ As a little treat you peck her from time to time whenever you seems nervous about this whole thing, making her turn into pudding.

⚰️ Once all is done she will wait for you to get a towel for her, one which you put around her gently. She snuggles in it while looking at you, a bit shaky because of the cold but mostly because she’s in awe over how kind you are.

⚰️ She will let you braid and play with her hair if you’re close enough. You say you braid it because it’s good so it doesn’t tangle that often, but in reality you just think she looks really cute.

⚰️ Ever since you started to make a routine with her she’ll try to be consistent with it for you. She sees the smile on your face when your beloved Samarie looks clean and healthy, ‘it is what she deserves’ you say to yourself, and she couldn’t be happier about that.

⚰️ Even if she struggles she’ll try to help you clean up as well, maybe indulging in baths together, or in doing a facial care routine as a little house date.

⚰️ Sometimes you buy face masks with funny shapes like those of animals, and even if at first she was embarrassed with putting one on, when she saw you she found it adorable and joined you in the fun.

⚰️ Alas it all comes to an end, and as the sky darkens you two get sleepy. You have some food together, sharing stories (well, you tell stories while she listens nodding her head with shaky breaths) and enjoying each other’s company.

⚰️ She likes to sleep next to you, your presence is very calming and makes her brain quiet, indulging in the silence of the night and the warmth emitting from your body.

⚰️ She’s very hesitant to get closer to you whatsoever, afraid that she’ll cross your personal space and bother you. Of course you don’t mind, and you insist on that, making her face heat up.

⚰️ Next thing you know, the Sun has risen, and a lanky Samarie is wrapped around your body latched to you with no intention of letting go.

#samarie #fear and hunger #fear and hunger x reader #fear and hunger termina #termina #f&h termina #funger #funger termina #samarie funger #samarie fear and hunger #x reader

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ghostxrose · 4 months

Note

Hey!!

I was wondering if maybe you could do a part two of Earth Shattering because that was a 10/10 angst and I NEED a part two. Maybe reader (after the divorce) get with someone else, maybe like Shoto or Kiri. Just a thought tho🤷‍♀️ (you can do whatever u want 🫶🏻)

Heyy, Lovely!! I wasn't planning on making a part two for Earth Shattering, but I loved your idea!! Now, please know that I didn't really make this one.. angst forward, lol. I just saw the opportunity to write for Kiri and I took it! I hope you enjoy the read all the same, and thank you so so much for the request!!

Earth Shattering | Bakugo Katsuki & Reader, Kirishima Eijiro x Reader

The divorce had been as civil as a divorce could be. By that point, Katsuki had finally stopped trying to get you back and had resigned himself to quiet defeat. Despite the situation there was a pang in your heart every time you had to face him. Gone was the cocky, smirking, sometimes brash man you had fallen in love with. At least in your presence, the man you once knew, thought you knew, was replaced with a reserved and saddened version of himself. At times you wanted to comfort him but then you reminded yourself that he was the one who put you both in this situation.

You hadn’t wanted anything Katsuki tried to give you in the divorce, except for the car. Custody over the kids had been decided to be split 50/50. You could tell that this whole process killed Katsuki as much as it did you as far as the kids were concerned. As much as you still loved him, still cared for him, still wanted to be with him.. you knew that you’d never be able to move past the fact that he slept with other people for over a year. “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” your mother had told you when you voiced your thoughts about going back to him.

It’s been a year since the divorce and you’d like to think you’re doing well for yourself and your kids. You used some of the money Katsuki had forced on you as part of the divorce settlement to get an apartment. It’s in a nice part of the city and close to stores and a school. You also got a part time job and the days you have the kids your parents watch them for you. The only part you’re still struggling with is the social aspect of your life. Except for Izuku and Ochako, it felt like all of your other friends went away along with your marriage because they were Katsuki’s friends. It doesn’t help that you’re not really the social type, the years of being a stay at home wife and mom making you a bit more of an introvert. Not to mention the fact that you feel like no one really wants to be friends with the single mom with two young kids.

It’s a little after 9:30 at night when you finally get back home. You had taken a bit of a later shift today since Katsuki has the kids. You let out a heavy sigh as you close and lock the door behind you. You tiredly kick off your shoes, then head to the kitchen to make a small dinner. You let out another more slightly defeated sigh when you open the fridge and see nothing to make an actual meal with. Opening the freezer, you take out a pathetic looking microwave meal and your lip wobbles a bit. You had a rough day at work and it would have been everything to you if you could have come home to the smiling faces of your kids. Instead, silence and a sad excuse for dinner welcomed you home.

While you wait for Chef Mike to prepare your food you throw yourself into a chair at the dining table. Slumping forward, you rest your cheek against your hand as you scroll through notifications on your phone. You hardly look at it while you’re at work except on breaks or if your parents or Katsuki contact you about the kids. You absentmindedly clear away miscellaneous notifications as you scroll until a message notification makes you pause. You just stare at your phone a bit dumbfounded as your eyes re-read the message and your brain tries to process the words. The beeping of the microwave brings you back to reality and you flinch slightly before setting your phone down and getting up to get your food. Once you grab utensils and your food, uttering curses at the hot container, you sit back down at the table. As you let the food cool you tap on the notification and watch as your phone opens the conversation allowing you to see the full message.

“Hey Y/N, I’m not sure if you still have my number saved, but it’s Kirishima.. I just wanted to see how you were doing.. The whole group misses seeing you around, I hope they’ve reached out as well. I figured that maybe you haven’t reached out to any of us because of.. everything that happened. But just know that you can, we’re your friends too! Obviously, you don’t have to.. just let us know that you’re okay.”

You stare at your phone in stunned and guilt-ridden silence, your eyes stinging a bit with the threat of tears. You hadn’t had the nerve to delete any of their numbers, it wasn’t their fault Katsuki had decided to be a shitty husband. But you had just assumed that since they were more his friends that they wouldn’t miss your presence all that much. You were only Katsuki’s wife you hadn’t felt like you held much, if any, significance within their friend group.

With slightly shaky hands you type out a response, “Hey Kiri, I’m sorry for the late response, I had a later shift tonight.. I’m also sorry for not reaching out to all of you after the divorce, I guess I just felt.. I don’t know, you all were Katsuki’s friends first.. I miss you all too, I hope you’re all well! As for me, I’m doing better these days. It’s still hard sometimes, but that’s just the way life goes. I’ll try to reach out to the others tomorrow since it’s already late. Have a good night, Kiri, and thanks for reaching out.”

You wipe away a stray tear rolling down your face as you read through the message, then hit send. You set your phone down and begin eating your dinner only to be surprised by the vibrating of your phone as a text notification lights up the screen. Kirishima’s reassuring response, unbeknownst to you, just the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

~~~~~~~~~~

A few months later, you’re hanging out with Mina, Jiro, and Kaminari at Kirishima’s house. Even though it was Mina’s idea to have a small get together, Kirishima was the only one with a barbecue and the space for the five of you. Your parent were happy to take the kids for the night and had been glad to see you coming out of your shell. So here you are chatting, laughing, and feeling more alive than you have in a long while.

You’re all sitting in Kirishima’s living room, sprawled about the couple of couches that he has. Your legs are thrown across Kirishima’s as you lean back against Mina’s shoulder while Kaminari lounges obnoxiously across Jiro on the adjacent couch. You all have a good buzz going thanks to the pack of beer Kaminari brought over and it’s very much to blame for the electric blonde’s loose tongue.

“Bro, I think you and Y/N would make a good couple,” Kaminari says after a slight lull in conversation and the room automatically fills with shocked and awkward silence.

“Denki, what the fuck?!” Mina exclaims as you feel your face simultaneously somehow drain of blood and heat up.

“What?! You were thinking it too!” Kaminari defends after being whacked on the arm by Jiro.

“Bro, c’mon, that’s just.. Y/N has already said she isn’t ready to date,” Kirishima says, but his lack of denial to Kaminari’s original statement doesn’t escape you and has your mind spinning a bit.

Moments from the last few months flash across your brain without permission; the nearly daily text conversations and phone calls, the borderline flirty comments, the times like now when even the most casual and friendliest of touches brings a slight blush to your cheeks. You hadn’t even realized that maybe you were getting a bit.. too comfortable with Kirishima. As realization hits you beer and barbecue churn uncomfortably in your stomach and you shoot off of the couch. Darting for the bathroom, you shut and lock the door behind you leaning against it as you force yourself to take deep breaths.

‘He’s one of Katsuki’s best friends, you cannot have feelings for him! What the fuck, oh god, what the fuck..’ You think to yourself as you rub your hands over your face. You jump slightly when someone knocks on the door, but relief fills you when you hear Mina’s voice.

“Y/N, hun, are you okay..?” Mina gently asks and with one more deep breath you turn around to unlock and open the door. You quietly motion for Mina to come into the bathroom with you and she quickly shuffles in, and you lock the door behind her. Leaning back against the door, you meet Mina’s concerned gaze with a panicked one of your own. Without another word Mina pulls you into a comforting hug, one of her hands soothingly rubbing your back.

You break down in her embrace as your arms wrap tightly around her, “I-I can’t fall for him.. It’s wrong, right? Fucked up? H-he’s Katsuki’s b-best fr-”

Mina suddenly pulls back with a kind of determination in her eyes as she looks at you, “Listen to me, Y/N, because I mean this in the most supportive way possible.. Bakugo and Bakugo’s feelings are none of your concern anymore. You are single now and whoever your heart wants is something you have no control over, something he doesn’t have control over. If you have true feelings for Kirishima, then you have every right to do what you want with those feelings. I think it’s safe to say that this isn’t some revenge or rebound situation, so just do whatever is comfortable for you.”

You’re a bit shocked by the amount of support Mina is giving you and you stare at her with widened eyes as you let her words sink into your brain. Feeling overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions from just the past 10 minutes, tears well up in your eyes and Mina pulls you back into a tight hug. After a few minutes, you both pull away from each other and you wipe your eyes, checking your appearance in the mirror to make sure you don’t look like the mess that you feel like.

“You wanna hang out a bit longer or are you going to head out?” Mina asks as she unlocks the door.

“I think I’ll stay for a little longer, probably head out in an hour or so.” You reply after a second of hesitation, Mina’s advice to do what makes you comfortable ringing in your brain.

It’s true that you have told the group, a few times over the last few months, that you didn’t think you were quite ready to get back out into the dating pool. Your entire sense of trust had been shattered by the man that used to be your husband. Even with the therapy you’ve been attending since the divorce you still feel too weary about being in a relationship again. But something about Kirishima, about the smallest thought of giving Kirishima a chance, makes a warm sense of safety bubble up in your chest.

With a slight blush on your face, you and Mina head back to the living room. Jiro sends you an apologetic look while Kaminari looks sheepish but he verbally apologizes. Kirishima smiles at you, but you can see the concern in his eyes. You tell the three that you’re fine and not to worry about it, then sit back down on the couch. Mina’s words still echoing in your brain, you decide to be a bit bold and seat yourself in the position you were originally in; legs thrown across Kirishima’s and back against Mina’s shoulder. There’s a slight awkwardness in the air until Mina starts laughing and at the questioning looks you all send her, she shows you all a picture of Sero with Todoroki taped to the ceiling of a building captioned, “He said he wanted to test something..”

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a good few weeks since the night Kaminari made the comment about you and Kirishima, and you’ve spent a lot of time thinking. You’ve tried to get a good read on yourself, tried to determine if you wanted to give dating a shot. You’ve had a few conversations with your therapist and they’ve reassured you that even if you go on one date that it doesn’t have to be anything more if you don’t want it to be. As nervous as you are about it all, you can acknowledge that you may be overthinking it. Your therapist is right; you have the control to say that if you don’t want to pursue a relationship, then one date can just one date.

“No pressure and no strings. It’s just lunch, Y/N. C’mon, you can do this! Just ask him!” You quietly try to encourage yourself as you continue to stare down at your phone as the text cursor blinks back at you, waiting for you to fill the message bubble.

“What’re you doing, Mommy?” Mai, your four-year-old asks, now suddenly standing in front of you’re seated on the couch.

Your eyes shoot up to your daughter and in all of your anxiety, you nearly drop your phone from the disruption, “N-nothing, Baby. Mommy is just trying to figure out what to say to someone.” You briefly explain as you shut your phone off and put it down next to you.

“Jus’ say ‘hi’, duh, silly Mommy.” Mai suggests with a giggle before turning around to go back to playing. You let out a small laugh of your own, amused by your child’s simple solution and wishing it were that easy. With both of your kids back to entertaining themselves, you pick your phone back up and open it.

“Hey Kiri, I was wondering if you were free on Saturday?”

You stare at the message for a minute or so before hitting send, admittedly chickening out of saying anything more in the message. You quickly shut your phone off and put it off to the side, forcing yourself to act cool and not stare at the conversation waiting for his reply. You stare at the TV not truly watching the cartoon on the screen as your stomach begins doing flips. About twenty long minutes later, your phone buzzes and you nearly jump out of your skin. You force yourself to wait a couple of minutes before picking up your phone and opening it.

“Hey, Y/N! I’m on patrol until around 6, but after that I’m free! What’s up?”

You start to feel a bit more intimidated now because dinner feels more intimate than lunch, but you remember what you and your therapist have discussed. You take a deep breath and decide to carry on.

“Would you maybe want to go out for dinner? Just the two of us.. Or we could order-in if that would be better?”

You hit send before you can overthink any more about what you’re saying, what you’re doing. Your heart is racing in your chest and your palms start to clam up as you stare down at your phone with anxious anticipation. Three dots suddenly pop up and bounce across the message bubble indicating that Kirishima is typing and you start to feel a bit nauseous.

“Y/N..”

You bite at the skin of your bottom lip and keep watching the typing bubble.

“Are you..”

You feel the slight urge to scream and ask yourself why this man isn’t typing a full message before hitting send.

“Are you asking me out??”

You let out a nervous laugh that makes your kids look at you slightly confused for moment before they go back to playing.

“If I say that I am, is that something you would say yes to or have I just made a fool of myself?”

You send back as your anxiety eats you up inside. You start fearing that you’ve just messed up, that you’ve made things awkward and your friendship with Kirishima will never be the same. What if everything from the last few months have all been in your head? What if your dumb heart just misconstrued all of the little things? What if-

“What time should I pick you up?”

You don’t believe that what you’re reading is real. You’re sure that your brain is glitching or your phone is malfunctioning because you really feel like that message should say something along the lines of “I don’t think Bakugo would react well to this” or maybe something about your kids.

“Does 8:00 work for you?”

You hit send and it really feels like an out of body experience. You’re relieved that you didn’t just turn a great friendship super awkward, but your anxiety shoots through the roof. Above all else, though, you’re proud of yourself for taking this step in moving forward with your life. There was a time in your life when you thought that Katsuki would be the only one for you for the rest of your life. A time for a while there after the divorce that you didn’t think you’d ever be willing to even give anyone else a chance with your heart. Now, you’re not only going to be going on a date, but you initiated said date.

“Mommy happy,” the voice of your two-year-old, Keitaro, makes you look up from your phone, and you realize that you’re grinning like a schoolgirl.

“Yeah, Baby, Mommy is pretty happy right now, good job!” You praise your son for his observation and kiss the top of his head. Your phone buzzes in your hand and you look down at the screen still smiling.

“Sounds good, can’t wait!”

Warm excitement bubbles up inside you and your smile grows. It’s been years since you’ve been on a first date and about two since you’ve been on a date-date. You can’t even remember the last time you took the time to doll yourself up even if just for yourself. Saturday is a few days out, but your mind already starts putting together potential outfits. You can’t wait for Saturday, either.

~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday rolls around and you’re a bit of a mess of nerves and excitement. You have the day off from work, so you have lots of time to kill before you have to start getting ready for your date. Your parents come over around noon and you all decide to go out to a nearby park. You get your kids dressed, pack some snacks, and buckle Keitaro into his stroller, then head out the door.

It’s a beautiful day out and the park is pretty busy when you all arrive. Finding an open bench, you and your parents quickly claim it. Your mother takes both kids over to the playground while you and your father sit at the bench and spark up conversation. Soon enough, you’re summoned by Mai to come over and play too.

At one point, your daughter tells you to watch her go down a slide and you obediently position yourself so that you have a good view. Unfortunately, another child up on the platform with yours sneezes. That normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but the child has a mutation-type Quirk that gives them wings and they fan out as the child sneezes. One of the child’s wings hits against your daughter’s back and knocks her head into the bar above the entrance to the slide.

The moment you hear the thunk of of the metal you kick start into mom-mode. You’re at the top of the platform in seconds, cradling your wailing daughter and trying to console the very apologetic winged child. The three of you get back to the ground and the winged child’s parent rushes over spilling apologies. You try your best to convey that it’s okay, you know it was accident, above the loud cries of your daughter. You make your way back to your parents, both of them wearing concerned faces, and tell them to pack everything up.

Back at your apartment, you assess the injury to Mai’s forehead. A good sized bump has formed and your poor daughter hasn’t stopped crying or telling you how much it hurts. You decide to take Mai to an urgent care, if only to just make sure that she doesn’t have a concussion. Your parents agree to watch Keitaro and you thank them before carrying your daughter out to your car.

You buckle her in, feeling that pit of mom-guilt form when she cries out for you as you climb into the driver’s seat. You dial Katsuki’s number and when he picks up you inform him of what happened and he tells you that he’ll meet you at the urgent care. As you pull out onto the street, you briefly think about canceling your date tonight if only to just stay home and comfort your daughter for the rest of the night.

You get to the urgent care a few minutes after Katsuki does and you do your best to get checked in at the front desk while holding your crying daughter and being in the presence of your ex-husband. The three of you sit down at an open corner of the waiting room once the paperwork is done. Mai sits in your lap as you gingerly hold a fresh ice pack a nurse had given you to her forehead. She quietly whimpers and cries as the three of you wait and you watch one of Katsuki’s hands come up to hold one of Mai’s hands.

The whole time you wait you can feel your phone buzz occasionally in your pocket, but you choose to ignore it. It buzzes consistently a couple of times, most likely someone calling you, and Katsuki sends you a slightly questioning look. You shake your head and shrug, silently telling him you don’t know who it is, then whisper that it’s probably your parents. He nods his head a single time before looking back down at Mai, the little girl gripping his hand tightly.

After what feels like forever, your daughter’s name is called out and the three of you get escorted back to a room. Mai chooses to have Katsuki sit on the bed with her as a nurse takes her vitals. Once the nurse finishes up with vitals, they tell you and Katsuki that a doctor will be by shortly.

Stuck waiting again, an awkward silence fills the room and you decide that now would be a good time as any to update your parents. You pull your phone out of your pocket and are surprised to see that most of the notifications filling your screen are from Kirishima. You bypass them for the moment to text your mother an update, then you read through all the texts Kirishima sent.

“Hey, Bakugo just called out from patrol because of a family emergency, is everything okay?”

“Y/N??”

“Did something happen to you or the kids??”

“Please answer your phone, I just want to make sure everything is okay.”

“Please call or text me when you have a chance, please.”

A bit of guilt churns at your stomach over ignoring your phone until now, but the reality is that your kids come first, no matter the situation. You understand and appreciate Kirishima’s worrying, but your daughter needed you to be present with her.

“Mai hit her head while we were at the park earlier and I brought her to urgent care just to make sure she doesn’t have a concussion. I’m sorry for not answering sooner, but she needed me.”

You hit send and let out a quiet and tired sigh, the adrenaline from earlier leaving you feeling drained. Shutting your phone off, you lean back in the chair and rest your head against the wall, closing your eyes for a moment. The moment is cut short when your phone buzzes and you lift your head to look at it.

“Don’t apologize, of course you were focused on her. I’m sorry for spamming you like that, I guess I just panicked. Hope my Lil Buddy gets the A-okay from the doc!”

A smile tugs at your lips from Kirishima’s reply, his playful personality coming through even by text. You tell him that you’ll keep him updated, then shut your phone off right as the doctor walks through the curtain.

By the end of the visit, Mai is determined to be just fine though she will have a bit of a bump and bruise for a while. A dose of children’s pain reliever and a few lollipops quells her crying, and you feel the tension ease from your body. The three of you thank the doctor, then make your way out to the parking lot.

“Mommy, can Daddy come over?” Mai asks around the lollipop in her mouth and you tense up a bit.

“I don’t know, Baby.. D-daddy might have to go back to work..?” You cringe a bit over the sound of your own voice, but glance over at Katsuki.

His face is neutral but his eyes are soft, sad, and a bit pleading, “They got somebody to cover my shift.. ‘s up to you..” He says quietly and you can’t help the slight sagging of your shoulders. While the relationship between the two of you is amicable, you don’t really want to spend your day with your ex-husband.

You put on the best smile you can as you look down at your daughter, “Then I guess that means he can come over for a bit.” Mai cheers and begins talking about what she wants to do when the three of you get to your apartment. Katsuki nods along with her words, but looks over at you to mouth out a “thank you” to which you just nod.

Walking through the door of your apartment with Mai and Katsuki in tow garners a mix of reactions. Keitaro happily runs up to hug you then Katsuki as Mai runs up to her grandparents babbling about the lollipops she got from the doctor. Meanwhile, your parents try their best to keep polite smiles on their faces, but you can see the strain underneath and you’re sure Katsuki can as well. You thank them for watching Keitaro and tell them that you’ve got things handled for the rest of the night. They leave shortly after you tell them what the doctor said, hugging you and the kids then bidding Katsuki a mostly pleasant yet short goodbye.

A few hours later, the atmosphere between you and Katsuki becomes semi-comfortable as you both just mainly focus on the kids. After an early dinner, Mai has dragged you into playing restaurant with her while Katsuki colors with Keitaro. Occasionally, you overhear Katsuki quietly teaching Keitaro how to say colors or draw letters and numbers. You’d never admit it out loud, especially to Katsuki, but it warms your heart watching or hearing him interact with the kids. A softness that he only reserves for them comes out and reminds you that even though he hurt you so badly, he really is a good dad.

Around 7:30 there’s a knock on your door and your stomach sinks as your heart rate picks up. You had felt like you were forgetting something since you got back from urgent care and that something was forgetting to postpone your date.

“You expecting anyone?” Katsuki asks as another bout of knocking ensues.

“N-no, but it’s probably my neighbor. She brings cookies over for the kids sometimes, I’ll go see if it’s her-” You try to explain, making to stand, but Katsuki is already standing and heading for the door.

“Nah, you stay with the kids, I’ll get it. I’ve heard about this ‘cookie-lady’ before from Mai, I’d like to meet her.” Katsuki says as he steps closer to the door.

You quickly follow behind him, cursing yourself for not checking your phone since you’ve been home. You assume that Kirishima has been messaging you and has probably stopped by to check up on everything. You’re not fast enough to cut Katsuki off from opening the door and you mentally prepare yourself for the impending storm.

“Hey! I figured that you’d wanna stay with Mai for the night, so I brought the date to-” Kirishima cheerfully greets when the door opens expecting you to be standing there, but unable to see Katsuki because of the many items in his arms obscuring his vision.

“The fuck do you mean ‘date’? What are you doing here, Red?” Katsuki’s tone is immediately angry as he cuts Kirishima off and he looks between you and the redhead.

Kirishima turns so that he can actually see what’s in front of him and his face is a mix of shock, dread, and apology. You flounder for a moment under Katsuki’s angry and questioning gaze until Mina’s words of Katsuki having no control over who you date echo through your mind. You move past Katsuki and take some of the stuff from Kirishima’s arms.

“Kiri, please come in. And Katsuki, don’t even think about starting anything in front of the kids, let alone in my home, thank you.” You say, your voice firm when you speak to your ex-husband, then turn to take the items you grabbed to the kitchen. You hear the shuffling of feet and the door close as a practically palpable tenseness fills the air. Two pairs of footsteps follow you into the kitchen and not long after another two pairs follow.

“Uncle Kiri!!” Mai exclaims as she runs up to the redhead, Keitaro right on her heels with his own shout of excitement.

Kirishima sets down the rest of the stuff he brought and scoops up both kids without hesitation. He smiles widely and warmly at the two as they both begin babbling about their day. Mai tells him about what happened at the park and the lollipops she got from the doctor, and Keitaro mashes gibberish with random words.

“Okay guys, I know you’re excited but it’s already past bedtime, so give hugs and say goodnight,” You say gently already prepared for the fight that Mai will inevitably put up.

Surprisingly enough, she only pouts at you but doesn’t argue, probably tired from the day’s events and staying up a bit later than usual. Mai says goodnight and gives Kirishima one last hug before he puts her down. As Kirishima hands Keitaro over to you, Mai reluctantly pats her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth. You look between Katsuki and Kirishima, eyeing them both for a moment, weary about what’s to come.

“I’m going to go put them to bed and then we’re going to have a civil conversation.” You quietly yet firmly state before forcing your mood into a complete 180, “Alright Keitaro, say night-night to Daddy and Kiri.”

The sleepy two-year-old in your arms murmurs out a barely-intelligible goodnight. You can tell that Katsuki is barely maintaining his composure, but he whispers goodnight to Keitaro and kisses his head. Kirishima gives your son a smile and whispers goodnight before rubbing his back. You let out a tired sigh, then move forward to take your son to his room. By the time you’ve gotten Keitaro in pajamas and settled down in his crib, Mai has said her final goodnights and is waiting for you in her bed. You tuck her in and read her a bedtime story, and luckily it doesn’t take very long for her to fall asleep.

You quietly leave her room, shutting the door as softly as you can behind you. When you get to the end of the hallway you see Katsuki sitting on the couch on his phone while Kirishima is putting takeout containers into your fridge. A sense of dread fills you and you try your best to remain as neutral as possible.

“Okay, let’s all go take a seat at the dining table and talk this out,” You say quietly as you make your way toward the dining table.

You sit down and rub your hands over your face, exhaustion settling into your bones. You hear the sound of two other chairs being quietly pulled away from the table. You run your hands through your hair as you look up and you take a deep breath.

“Kirishima, I’d like to apologize for my lack of contact pretty much all day. Mai hit her head at the park, then we went to urgent care, and after I got back home I set my phone down and forgot about it. I was so focused on monitoring Mai that everything else slipped my mind. I truly am sorry for putting you in a situation like this.” You say, guilt riddling your tone and face. Kirishima smiles weakly at you and shakes his head, telling you not to worry about it. You turn to Katsuki and almost give in to the anger that flickers in you at his agitated posture.

“Kats-” You start, but don’t get to continue any further.

“So you two are dating? Were either of you going to tell me?” Katsuki grits out, obviously making an effort to keep his voice down. While you appreciate him not shouting, you don’t appreciate his words.

“Don’t start with that shit, Katsuki. I don’t have to tell you if I start dating someone, it’s none of your business-” Your patience diminishes quickly, but you manage to keep your voice low even when you’re interrupted again.

“It sure as fuck becomes my business when my best friend is dating my ex-wife,” Katsuki’s voice raises slightly and you glare at him.

“No, it really doesn’t. Kirishima and I are single adults, Katsuki. Go back to when you said ‘ex-wife’ and remember why exactly we’re exes now. You don’t have the right to share your opinion about who I decide to see. And before your mind even goes there, this isn’t me seeking revenge or getting back at you. I have genuine feelings for Kirishima and whether you approve or disapprove is none of my concern.” You fire back at him, voice still low but angry. Katsuki glares at you but he keeps quiet, his jaw clenched tightly possibly to keep himself from shouting expletives.

“..Bakugo, I’m sorry about all of this. It’s not like I intended to fall for Y/N, it just sort of happened over the last few months. Tonight was supposed to be our first date and I’m sure neither of us were sure if things would go any further than one simple date. I’m sorry if you’re hurt, man, but Y/N is right; we’re both adults and we can see whoever we wish to..” Kirishima says, his tone a mixture of apology and seriousness.

Katsuki shifts his eyes from you to Kirishima and he just glares at the redhead for a few moments until eventually he just sighs. You watch as Katsuki’s anger gets dimmed by defeat and hurt, and he slowly stands.

“You’re both right,” he utters quietly, shocking you to your core. “I.. I need to go.”

Coming down from your anger, you feel as though you might have gone too far, “Katsuki-”

“It’s okay, Y/N. You.. you deserve a chance with a good guy and Red is a good man.. a better man than I’ve ever been.” Katsuki says tiredly, defeated. Both you and Kirishima stare wide-eyed as Katsuki walks to the door, slips his shoes on, and silently leaves.

Elbows braced against the table, you bury your face in your hands unsure of what to feel at this exact moment. You hear the soft scooting of a chair, then feel a warm arm lay across your shoulders and a hand soothingly rub one of your arms.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Kirishima asks softly and you look up at him, your hands coming to rest on your cheeks.

“Are you okay? That was.. I-I’m so sorry, Kiri-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m okay.” Kirishima says, then chuckles slightly, “Gosh, how many times do we have to keep saying that we’re adults who can make their own decisions, huh? We may not have planned on developing feelings for each other, but after I realized how I felt about you I started preparing for how Bakugo would react.”

You smile a bit and nod your head, “I definitely anticipated a lot more yelling and explosions, but I’m glad none of that ended up happening.” You say quietly and close your eyes, silently enjoying the warm of another person.

“So, since we’re both looking to make this work.. what do you have planned to help make the kids stop calling you ‘uncle Kiri’? Hmm, Mr. Prepared?” You ask with a bit of giggle after you open your eyes and look at Kirishima.

“Maybe we can put our heads together and think of something,” he says softly, his eyes slowly roaming over your face until they stop on your lips.

“Hmm, I see..” You borderline whisper before closing the distance between the two of you.

The kiss, more of a drawn out peck, is soft and gentle and makes you feel warm. It’s a sweet moment that makes you smile when you pull away, a slight blush tinting your cheeks and his.

“So, did you come up with anything?” You teasingly ask with a bit of a giggle.

Kirishima blinks then smirks, “Nope, guess we’ll just have to try again.”

As your lips meet his again, you can almost feel the remaining shattered parts of your world pulling back together and fixing themselves.

Once again, thank you so much for the request, Lovely!! This was a fun lil write to help me get back into my writing mindset! I truly hope you join my angst-loving band of Lovelies and stick around for future angsty works! Much love and appreciation, amazing Lovely!! <3

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