#I wasted a day of my life on this shit

[thevirgodoll]

sometimes, we have to have a day where we allow ourselves to do absolutely nothing because we are emotionally stuck. nothing seems right, and everything seems dreadfully mundane. you feel like you’re the only person on the planet (while also feeling like the world is spinning without you).

sometimes, distracting ourselves 24/7 with productivity stops us from realizing what we need. i hate that we have become a society where everything we do has to be commodified.

why can’t we be okay just doing “nothing” tasks? you don’t always have to be pursuing something. what happened to taking a few mins out to do that thing that feels like “nothing” but makes you happy? like what’s wrong with playing sims or taking a nap? what’s wrong with accepting that some days just don’t work and there’s nothing wrong with accepting that???

like…burnout is so real. ppl tell us to stay inspired and ~keep going~ but you have to have the energy and the presence to do so. like in all of us the spark is there, but we don’t have the capacity to nurse it.

better to let that fire burn organically (and light it again when you have time and energy…) as often as you can than to rush every second and not even know you’re at the end of the wick.

[necroticghost]

I'm such a failure, a complete fucking failure

[pinkhysteria]

DOMINO & SILAS ↳ 1x03

[n3ongold3n]

I literally need someone to hold a gun to my head so i can write anything for this thesis

[ikishima]

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[feralsneeze]

Not sneeze just mental health rambling in the tags

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

[werebutch]

My life the past couple years has mostly been made up of waiting for people in the car. Or driving people someplace. It kind of agonizes me to no end :(

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Me: i'm so uninspired :( i can't write for shit :( :(

Also Me: *casually writes a 5 page essay in 5 minutes on Eastern minimalism vs. Western minimalism after watching Jacob Geller's video essay on Heizer's "City" *

[stillcominback]

𝚆𝙴𝙻𝙻, 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙳𝙸𝙲𝚃'𝚂 𝙸𝙽: as a lot of you may know by know [ if you've caught any of my previous posts about it ], i'm moving with my parents back to california from texas -- where i've been for about 30 years -- because overall? it'll be good for me. i'm sick of texas for the most part, i literally can't afford to live on my own [ and honestly? i like being near my parents and would just have more security and better quality of life in CA ], and i just think sometimes a change is good!

i've been waiting to see if my job will let me keep my job [ and continue to pay me dirt, even! ] ... all i was asking is that i can live in california and work remote. well, the owner has decided he will not allow me to do that. is there a good reason? in my opinion: no. he's framing it [ in his conservative white man rich business owner brain ] that I'M the one making the choice to move because i could apparently just as easily stay in texas and get my own place etc etc etc. so it's on me! unfortunately, it's just not that simple, but i guess from a guy who runs a family business and has multiple homes, it's just hard to really grasp that concept.

i'm literally so furious and so heartbroken at the same time. i know it's not the best company, and yeah i guess, we can say this is for the best in the end? but that doesn't make it hurt less. i've been there for almost 11 fucking years. my ENTIRE career out of college. through ups and downs, i was always working my ass off and being a great employee ... shining reviews and reputation with literally everyone. it just hurts that that ultimately means nothing when i'm finally asking for something in return. i take the poverty wages, take the working in the office when i hate it for the most part, i've taken having to hear misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, every-phobic thing over the years ... then i ask for ONE thing in 11 years [ that's literally not even a big ask ] and it's a ✨no✨.

i feel so lost. like i don't even know how to be without this job, and as much as people tell me YOU'RE SO TALENTED! YOU'RE SO GREAT! YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING SOOOO MUCH BETTER! i wanna believe it, but my brain just ... doesn't. maybe it's imposter syndrome or just how fucking down on myself i feel right now. i still appreciate it because i literally don't know what i would do without my friends and family's support right now like ... even if i can't see it for myself, it means the literal world to me.

plus sides [ i guess ]: i should be able to keep my laptop [ but i'll lose adobe cc so ... i may need some recs or help on how to at least get photoshop cause idk how i'll carry on without it lmao ]; my manager who is a literal saint and one of the best people i know [ she actually pissed the owner off going to the mat for me lmao "he doesn't like to be questioned" ... insert the biggest eye-roll of my life ] ... but she said she would help me with literally everything from linkedin to my resume to a portfolio, and i know that'll be like everything to me while i just .... try to navigate all of this ON TOP OF trying to move.

ALSO: i think i can work until i leave, if that's what i want to do ... i'm still trying to figure all of this out because honestly? even though it's not much? i need the money. but then i'm also like i don't wanna do the owner any favors by having me work while they maybe start putting out feelers to replace me, yknow? BUT THEN AGAIN, i'm hurting my boss more than him [ and that's the twisted, frustrated thing about all of this ... it hurts us way more than it does anything to him but he still gets to make the choice for us ]. SO! i dunno! i may just use all my PTO and see how far that gets me lmao but i feel like at the end of the day, i have to look out for myself and maybe just trying to pull in as many paychecks as i can [ since we also don't have a hard 'we're moving!' date at the moment ] is the best idea ... even if the idea of going into the office and acting normal like literally makes me so ... 😤 but i dunno! my brain is a mess! afjhksdfda

SO YEAH. i just wanted to update you guys because i do consider you friends. whether we talk a little or a lot, i appreciate all of you so much and just wanted to keep folks in the loop with where my life and my head's at right now. not the best but ... just trying to keep it moving. honestly nooooo clue when writing is gonna happen here again??? i do miss / enjoy the distraction of plotting and talking about all this stuff so don't be shy, i just don't know when i'll have the time or capacity to just write here [ maybe once we move and stuff settles a little bit? ] -- but yeah, in the meantime, please come chat with me, let's plot dynamics and all that shit because it still makes me so happy and lets me take my mind on a little vacation lmao love you all, truly! ❤️

[babyfairy]

i’m so sad tonight lol. i wish my family was stable again. i wish my friends weren’t always busy and wanted to spend time together as much as we used to. i wish all the good things i have left didn’t feel so fragile and impermanent. i feel too anxious to trust anything fully. like if i get too comfortable something bad will happen to me

[thediktatortot]

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[floral-hex]

hi it’s my birthday tomorrow

[tiercel]

After years of engaging in and witnessing mind numbing drama randomly spawned on the internet about labels and flags and such my brain has finally adapted and stops me from actually understanding what im reading so its easier to just scroll past & pretend i didnt see anything

[conanssummerchild]

im rewatching the good place again and its at the episode where micheal has that whole existential crisis about dying and chidi kinda says how he had one too and i was remembering my friend who said she had one when she discovered death as a kid, that never happened to me?? is that a common thing???

[dandunn]

I constantly get thoughts like "maybe this media will inspire me to write again" and it feels so stupid. Why can't I just do it instead of waiting for something to come and wake me up.