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harryspet · 4 years

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rogue angel [3] bucky barnes

[Warnings] dark bucky barnes x reader, don’t read warnings if you don’t wanna be spoiled, daddy bucky, dd lg dynamic, ab dl dynamic, forced age regression, bondage, vibrator, overstimulation

A/N: Thank you so much for reading!

series masterlist

In which you want to believe he cares.

word count: 2.5k

“Where are we?”

“On a picnic blanket.”

You had to keep yourself from rolling your eyes as you took in the environment. He had to carry you for a good ten minutes before you ended up by the lake and you hadn’t taken your eyes off the view since he’d set you on the picnic blanket. The lake was surrounded by tall mountains that reflected off the blue-green water. You hadn’t seen anything like it but this was simply a backyard to Bucky.

There was also a dock nearby with a deck boat sitting at the end. If you had a key and you could somehow make it down to the lake then you could-

Your thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of something cold touching your back, “Stay still for Daddy,” You tried your best as he began to rub sunscreen into your exposed back. You wondered how there could be snow on the mountain tops but the sun still shined down on your skin. You never felt the sun on your skin before, always locked away in the cell that they kept you in.

You didn’t mind it then but now …

“Can we swim in the water?”

He tapped your nose with a bit sunscreen on his finger and you insisted that you could rub it in yourself but he didn’t care to listen.

“The water is pretty cold,” You frowned a little, “Do you like to swim, angel?”

“I don’t know,” You answered honestly. You had no idea what you liked. It wasn’t in your nature to enjoy things of that nature.

Bucky held your face in his hands and you wish very dearly that you weren’t so close to him. The feelings he brought out you were frightening, “We’ll try swimming someday. We can try lots of things and then we’ll make a list of everything you like.”

A list? “Why does it matter?”

“Because they make you happy,” Bucky gave you an earnest look, “C’mere, I brought something for you to do.”

He moved to reach into the picnic basket and removed a couple of books as well as a fresh pack of crayons. He placed them in front of you, one was full of blank pages and the other had lots of designs. You flashed him a look of confusion as you stared at the items.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“They’re for coloring,” Bucky grinned, “You can either draw your own pictures or color in the designs. It’s relaxing.”

Relaxing, you thought it was an interesting concept.

You had no idea what you would draw on your own so you picked the book that already had outlines in it. Bucky watched you carefully as you flipped through the pictures, none of them piquing your interest until you paused. He couldn’t see which one you had chosen but your mood seemed to shift at the sight of it.

“Just … right on the page?” She asked after picking out a yellow crayon. Bucky didn’t expect the question or for her to care in the slightest about the coloring book, “I won’t ruin it?”

“It’s your creation, how can you ruin it?”

You could definitely ruin it, you thought, you had screwed up many times before. As your fingers traced the design of the family of giraffes, you couldn’t help but stop yourself from pressing the crayon to the paper.

It weakened Bucky’s heart to see you nervous and it took little effort to scoop you into his lap. You struggled, unsure of his intentions at first but he grabbed a blue crayon, “Let’s do it together, princess.”

The picture was a cute family of giraffes enjoying a watering hole together. Bucky began to color inside the lines of the water and you hesitated, looking him over. One hand was on your waist and the other was around the crayon. You brushed off that feeling in your heart as you pressed the yellow crayon to the paper.

You colored their hides yellow and their spots brown. You liked how you added the splash of color, brightening the page, but could keep things organized by staying in the lines. You hadn’t even noticed that Bucky had stopped coloring to just admire you.

Your eyes were focused solely on the drawing and he felt you began to relax in his arms, “You’re making such a pretty picture, Y/N,” Bucky praised her, watching your nose crinkle as you tried to hide a grin, “When we get back to the house, we’ll put it on the fridge.”

You didn’t respond, only shaded in the trees with dark green. You lost track of time as you colored in every single detail on the page carefully, from the butterflies to the smiles on the giraffes’ faces. You didn’t even notice as Bucky began to slip blueberries and strawberries into your mouth. You just enjoyed the taste, caring only to make sure no juices slipped onto your artwork.

“Why … why are they so happy?” You asked, after placing the final touches.

“Who are they?” Bucky asked, following your fingers as you pointed to the giraffe's on the paper, “Hmm, we could make up our own story. Maybe they’re happy just because they’re together?”

You looked over the picture again and you could suddenly see the picture moving, “Maybe they’re a family … maybe these are the Mom and Dad and maybe this is their baby,” Your fingers traced over the picture as Bucky listened to you speak. He liked the sound of your voice very much, especially now that you were relaxed and your mind was racing with pure thoughts, “Maybe the baby was lost for a little while and they found him … a-and they always go to the watering hole together so the baby never gets lost again.”

You felt Bucky place a gently kiss on your shoulder and you were surprised that you didn’t flinch. Not even a little bit. “That’s a beautiful story, angel,” You only nodded, feeling a tear drip down your cheek. Your lips parted in a look of shock as he wiped the tear away with his thumb.

“I’d never lose you, Y/N.”

For a fleeting moment, you believed him.

Bucky added coloring to the list of things that you would probably never admit that you liked. You had colored a few more pictures and Bucky had proudly displayed them on the fridge. Now, he was seeing if you liked Disney movies. After her dinner and bath, he had set up the projector in the living room and created a cozy space for them on the couch.

You waited patiently in your unicorn onesie and pigtails on the pile of blankets and stuffed animals.

Out of the most interesting DVD covers, you had picked Frozen from the pile.

“How does the snowman talk?”

“Because of Elsa’s magic.”

“Why does he like summer so much if it’ll just make him melt?”

“That doesn’t mean he can’t like summer.”

“Is magic real?”

“I’ve seen some pretty magical things in my long lifetime.”

As much as the moving shapes and fun songs intrigued you, it baffled you at the same time. This is what people did for fun? They just sat around and let movies entertain them rather than working? You guessed that Bucky had lived long enough not to have to work anymore.

After you had gone through both of the Frozen movies, Bucky decided that it was time for you to go to bed, “Can we watch another one? Please?” You grabbed his hand which took him back for a moment, “Daddy? I want to see more magic stuff.”

If Bucky got you into that bed then he’d wrap that magnetic cuff around your leg and you’d have no chance at escape.

Bucky believed you as you were a convincing liar. He should’ve known better, remembered your Hydra training, but he couldn’t deny your doe eyes at that moment. He sat back on the couch and let your head nuzzle into his chest, his right arm holding onto you.

You knew how to slow your breathing and heart rate down and that’s exactly what you did as you pretended to sleep on his chest, “Goodnight, princess,” He whispered, stroking your hair. As Lilo & Stitch reached its end, you felt Bucky’s head tilt back and some light snoring ensued.

You waited until he was deeper into his sleep, to move his arm from around you. You were as careful as you could possibly be.

You thought you’d fall but as you put one foot in front of the other, you managed to keep your balance. You were wobbly, of course, but you were walking. You held onto the back of the couch to keep your balance as you practiced for a short moment.

You moved as quietly you could through the house as you mentally yelled at your legs to not give out. You looked over the front door, at the three locks that were on the door, and carefully undid each one. You took at least a minute on each one, trying to make the least amount of noise as possible.

Your plan was perfect. I’d never lose you blah blah blah. He had some ulterior motive you couldn’t quite calculate yet but you knew there had to be a reason he was pretending to care for you. Everything was perfect until an alarm blared through the house and then through the forest that surrounded the house.

You moved as quickly as you could without tripping over yourself. Down the porch and then towards the treeline. You almost jumped out of your skin as the sound of Archer’s barks filled the air.

You cursed because your body wasn’t listening to you, “Y/N!” He called for you and your heart sunk. You turned to see he wasn’t even chasing you. He was far too strong and you were far too slow for that.

As your knees suddenly buckled, you fell onto the grass, “Don’t touch me!” You shouted as you felt his arms grab ahold of your waist. He lifted you and tossed you over his shoulder without a word. You screamed for help as your fist pounded at the rock he called aback.

He carried you back into the house, the scent of the evergreens still on your nose, as the front door slammed shut. He disabled the alarm before carrying you up the stairs. You weren’t surprised when he brought you to the room but your eyes widened as he tossed you onto the bed.

He held you down with his vibranium arm as he wrapped those magnetic cuffs around each of your wrists, “Bucky, please. Please don’t hurt me-”

“I’d never do that, Y/N. I could never do that,” His words were soft but his tone was anything but it. You had truly made him angry and something in your heart twinged as you heart the hurt in his voice, “But you have to be punished somehow. You can’t run away from me. I take care of you and you are obedient in return. That is the only way things will work around here.”

“Bucky-”

“Call me that one more time and you’ll make things worse,” Your mouth instantly closed as you heard his words.

Bucky leaned down to undo the buttons at the crotch of your bodysuit and you flinched as he tore away the fabric of your underwear, “W-What are you going to do?” He didn’t answer as he grabbed a device that looked sort of like a wand. It was a bright pink color and mushroomed at the top. He used a belt to strap it to your thigh as he pushed it against your folds.

As it began to vibrate, you threw your head back as your body reacted to the shock. If you thought the emotions you were feeling were foreign, this feeling was otherworldly. It felt strange… good. Your cheeks began to heat as you saw him watching you and you guessed this was another aspect of your punishment.

You pulled at your restraints as electricity seemed to flow through you, warming your body with pleasure, before that heat seemed to build up in your core. You felt something coming like you might wet yourself, and you winced, “Don’t run from it, angel. It won’t hurt you,” And he was right because, as you tried to relax, it ripped through you. You shook as your body lept over that cliff and you exploded in ecstasy.

Bucky could feel himself growing harder in his briefs as he listened to you moan uncontrollably. He looked away from you for a moment, trying to call himself down as he grabbed your pacifier gag from one of the lockable drawers, “Pl-Please-” You were still crying out in pleasure as he forced it into your mouth.

You were done, your body had reached its climax but the stimulation continued. You watched as Bucky crossed the room, taking a seat in the rocking chair across the room. His arm was bent on his knee and his hand on his chin as he watched you. You shook your head over and over, wanting him to stop it but your body was beginning to prepare you for another climax.

How many could you have? How many would Bucky force out of you?

After number two you were writhing in that small bed, running from the next orgasm. As you moved your hips, it only pressed the vibrating toy closer to your sensitive bulb. Your screams were being muffled by your gag.

Just one break. If you could have just one break you’d be okay. Right now you weren’t sure how long you could stay conscious with that scorching fire inside of you burning on. You weren’t sure what happened after number five, you were so tired that your vision was blurry. Still, you felt Bucky’s hand against your cheek as you floated away into dreamland.

“It’s only been a few days, Bucky.”

“I just thought I was making good progress today.”

“You were, I’m sure you were. She didn’t just forget the connection you’re building with her. Her instincts are still telling her to run, telling her that you are the enemy but soon ... you’ll be the one she runs to.”

Bucky sighed, holding the phone closer to his ear, “I really hope so.”

“My little Rory was just like her and, after I lost Vision, I didn’t think I could take his rejection at first. But I was all he had and I showed him that I was gonna be there for him whether he hated me for it or not. You just have to be there for her.”

“Yeah,” Bucky nodded, “I’m just gonna be there for her, Wanda. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. You’re a great Daddy, Bucky,” He could hear her warm smile through the phone, “I can’t wait to meet your little angel. I’m sure she’s just as beautiful as you describe her.”

Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think! What sort of role do you hope Wanda plays in the story? Also, if you want to give me some extra support then you can buy me a coffee through the link in my bio :)

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artemisegeria · 3 years

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WandaVision Episode 6

Spoilers.

This is a little late, but I’ve been avoiding Tumblr to keep this first post as just my initial thoughts on the episode (plus some things I thought of throughout the day).

Well, overall this is probably the episode I feel least strongly about. There were some positive developments, some worrying developments, a few good moments, and a lot of meh.

The intro was cute, very good job emulating the ‘90s.

I am highly concerned about what was happening to Vision when he tried to go outside the hex. But, I feel we didn’t see enough (by design) to really get a good idea. Thankfully, my powers of denial are very strong.

Also, I was thinking maybe part of the reason leaving the bubble seemed to be hurting Vision so much and doing damage is that the barrier was trying very hard to keep him in, unlike Monica for example. Wishful thinking, I know, but, again my powers of denial are strong. I refuse to consider a bad outcome for Vision unless it becomes absolutely necessary.

I wish Wanda and Vision interacted more this episode. I’m disappointed that there’s still enough tension between them for the kids to notice. And that kiss was painful to watch.

I am glad that the show started pulling away more from “it’s all Wanda.” Exposing Hayward and Monica emphasizing “if Wanda is the problem.” I was convinced that it isn’t all Wanda, but this makes me feel better.

I like the trio hacking into Hayward’s secret files. I didn’t realize that the whole anomaly was shaped like a hexagon. I don’t have a clear idea about that, but I am filing it away for future reference. I am curious if that fact was secret to everyone except Hayward, or if it was a detail I just missed. I thought the hexagons were only within the show.

I was interested to see Tommy and Billy grow into their powers more. I’m curious to know if they’re aging into them or it’s part of the effect prolonged exposure to the anomaly is having on everyone.

On that note, it now seems likely that this is how Monica gets her powers. I know a lot of people were speculating that would be the case, but I preferred other mechanisms.

And it also seems possible that this is how they will introduce mutants. Another popular topic of predictions. I don’t really have strong feelings about that.

Onto someone who is not a mutant: Pietro. Going into this episode, I thought the main possibilities for him were that he was multiverse/Fox Quicksilver or a random person brainwashed (not by Wanda) into thinking he’s Pietro. But after this episode, I am 100% convinced that he is evil. I think he must be either the disguised ultimate antagonist or a tool of the antagonist. I don’t think he’s any version of the real Pietro, but I will continue calling him that for lack of a better name.

For one thing, he was lowkey being a Wanda anti. Like, what happened to your accent? How did you create the kids? Even when she tried to tell him that it wasn’t her. And his tone every time he talked to her was just awful. Also, the way he was prodding her about “their” parents was highly suspicious. I know they have had their disagreements in canon, but this seemed completely different.

So I don’t trust a word Pietro said. Like his claim that he heard Wanda’s voice calling him and then he was suddenly in Westview. Complete lie.

Pietro was predictably mean to Vision. Although, his calling C-3PO (Disney really does own everything) was a slight improvement on toaster or microwave. But his nonchalance about your dead husband not being able to die again was highly irritating.

Although it might have been worth it for the best Pietro moment in the show. I could watch Wanda throwing him into the bales of hay while she stopped everything to save Vision on a loop for hours. It was supremely satisfying. Definitely the best moment of the episode, maybe top ten of the show so far.

After this episode, I am also less certain that Agnes is the antagonist. She’s still suspicious, and she could still be acting like she knows far less than she does. But her terror and cries for help seemed more genuine this episode. So I’m reserving judgment on that.

Everybody being frozen near the edge of the energy field is also interesting. That suggests to me that whatever is powering this is near the center of town. It’s also possible that this relates to Agnes as well. If she is a secondary antagonist who’s partially under the control of the main antagonist, maybe its influence faded as she approached the edge, and she could be more of her true self.

I liked the scene when Monica and Jimmy fought back and Darcy was yelling about them not telling her the plan. When Jimmy and Monica drove away, I’m curious if they remain on the outside of the anomaly. I’m guessing probably yes, and they will find a way to communicate with Darcy on the inside.

I did enjoy the ending of the episode. It still doesn’t make me think that Wanda is in full control of everything. But I did love her eyes glowing more than we have ever seen before and sending the anomaly outward all to save Vision. I liked how the SWORD people were turned into circus performers. I will be very curious to see the fallout from everything.

I am already planning another conversation between Wanda and Vision after this episode. Since canon is denying me that content at the moment.

Only time will tell. Regardless of my mixed feelings, I am eagerly awaiting the next episode.

#WandaVision #WandaVision spoilers #spoilers #WandaVision speculation

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #416

“don’t pray for me when you’re the one to blame / don’t think of me when you go up in flames”

Does your town/area have a farmer’s market? Do you ever buy your vegetables there rather than grocery store? Not close enough for us to actually go there for groceries, no. If you had a significant other and somehow got a chance to kiss your celebrity crush, would you still go for it? Well no, given Mark's been in a serious relationship for like six years, and I'd feel disloyal to my partner. I can just dream about it, ha ha. Do you tend to be attracted to people that are more similar to you in interests and mannerisms or do you tend to be attracted to someone opposite/complementing to you? I tend to be drawn to people I'm more similar to. What is a talent that a lot of other people desire or value but you really don’t care to have (e.g., singing, etc.)? *shrug* If someone asks you to hang out, but for some reason you’re just feeling lazy/don’t want to go anywhere, do you ignore them, make up an excuse, or just tell them the honest truth? Tbh, odds are I'm making up an excuse. Would you like to meet an alien? That would depend on its motives. It might have wisdom to share, or it may be nefarious, in which case I don't wanna meet it obviously. If so, would you trust them enough to go back with them to their planet? That's a no no matter how it acts. Trust issues, my friend. And that's with humans. What do you think is at the end of space. It's kinda science that space is infinite... Do you like D&D or Magic: The Gathering the most? I've never played D&D because I know I would be way, way too awkward to actually do it. M:TG is fun, though. What is your favorite Disney movie? TLKKKKK. What’s your favorite book series? Wings of Fire tops the list right now, but Warriors will always have a very special place in my heart. What’s something you wish they’d build in your neighborhood? Idk. Do you usually keep ponytail holders around your wrist? No. I don't even wear my hair in a ponytail because it's too short. Sunny D or orange juice? Orange juice. I have to be in a very specific mood for Sunny D. Can you snap out of a bad mood fast? Nooooo, unless something drastically good happens. How can a person tell if you’re mad or annoyed? My face will probably give it away, mixed with me being short and snippy or more awkward than normal because I'm trying to not be a bother. What’s something you enjoy that’s outside your age level? Certain TV shows. When your friends come and hang out at your house, what do you get up to? The only friend I have that I hang out with once in a blue moon is Girt, and we'd usually play board games or watch TV. Do you think it’s ignorant for people to have unprotected sex when they’re not ready for a child? Yes. Like yes, I'm pro-choice so won't look down on someone getting an abortion, but I still think you should be willing to act to prevent things from getting to that point where that procedure is chosen. For it or against it, abortion is a serious decision and should be treated as such. What were your favourite things to do as a child? My favorite thing had to be video games, specifically Spyro, and I also adored Webkinz and Neopets on the computer. I also loved playing make-believe with my toys like every other kid. I loved watching Dad play video games, too. I've also been a drawing fiend since I was very little. If you were shopping with your best friend, and they picked an outfit that was completely unflattering, would you tell them? I honestly don't know if I would. Her being comfortable and happy in it is what matters, anyway. Do you prefer using air-con or having the windows down when you’re driving on a hot day? Team A/C for sure. I hate the feeling of wind just slapping the hell outta your face and making a nest out of your hair. Can you ever manage to finish three courses when you go out to eat at restaurants? No. What would you say your favourite farm animal is? Pigs! They are so incredibly misunderstood. They're very intelligent, CLEAN (I know, can you believe it?), silly, and happy animals that I just adore. Is your ex currently in a relationship and if yes, how do you feel about that? Idk if "the" ex is with anyone, and it's for the better I don't, probably. Which one of your friends should be a stand-up comedian? Girt. Is your mom a better driver or your dad? Oh yeah. Dad tailgates like a motherfucker. What's your least favorite genre of music? Either rap or country, idk. Do you like poems? I do. Do you enjoy drawing? I have a love-hate relationship with it. I LOVE when something comes out the way I wanted it to, but if it doesn't, I feel very disappointed in myself and bash it into my head that I could do better. Do you even have any drawing talent? So I'm told. Have you ever seen The Sound of Music? Yes, in elementary school's music class. Ever seen Beetlejuice? If so, did you enjoy it? Oh yes, that was one of Jason's favorites. I liked it. How do you deal with oppressive heat? Complain, sweat my ass off, do anything I can to cool off that doesn't involve taking clothes off. What’s one thing that people definitely CAN’T count on you for? To remember pretty much anything whatsoever. What about something they definitely can count on you for? An ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. How do you feel about your handwriting? I like it. Is there a store that bothers you immensely for some reason (people who shop there irritate you or the employees who work there are rude, etc.)? Uhhhh I don't think so. What’s something you complain about frequently? If I'm hot, or my legs hurting. If you’re home alone and someone knocks on the door, what do you do? Ignore it. I'm not answering. What’s one book that you have read that will stick with you forever? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. It's an anti-war pacifism novel, which is something I'm very much passionate about. Would you ever get one of those old school “mom” tattoos with the heart? No. I know with certainty I want a tribute to my mom when she passes, but definitely not that design. Are you a Giants fan? I don't care for sports, but the NYG always make me think of Jason's dad, who is like, obsessed with them. So I guess I feel a bit of warmness towards them just for memory's sake. Last time you went pumpkin picking? Never. Do you prefer eating corn straight off the cob or corn already taken off the cob? I think corn on the cob tastes better with all the butter and spices you can put on it, but I do enjoy off the cob too because it's just so much cleaner. Would you want your family to go on Wife Swap? Well, I live with my mom and she's divorced, so... I don't have to worry about this. How old is your current e-mail address? God, I've had it since I was a kid. Last time you conversed with someone in a language other than English? Not since taking a test for German in high school. Last video you favorited on YouTube? Oh my god, it was this video from my favorite reptile channel (Snake Discovery) of them taking their pet tegu to the park. She clearly had SO much fun. Now mind you I very rarely favorite things, so yeah, I adored the video. Do you like chocolate with coconut filling? Noooo, I'm not a coconut fan at all. What was the first thing you ate today? Mom made bacon, yuuuuum. Do you know how to play Mahjong? No. Mom loves it, though. Do you have any skirts longer than knee-length? I don't own any skirts. What’s the farthest you’ve gone with someone you weren’t dating? Just flirting. Ever had a promise ring? No. What about one of those “I’ll wait until marriage” rings (I think they’re called purity rings or something)? They're called abstinence rings, and yes, in HS. Funny how looking back I was definitely breaking that vow while I wore it lmao. What is the shortest time you’ve heard of people being together before getting married? My late grandma and her second husband got married SO fast. Like they were together for probably a couple months (maybe less?), then boom, the news came that they were engaged. Are any of your friends currently pregnant? Facebook friends, yes, which are mostly composed of old friends and acquaintances from school. One poor girl very recently got into a bad wreck, but thank goodness she and her unborn daughter are okay. Have you ever played golf? I loved playing putt-putt when I was younger, and then Jason and I once had a mini-golf date. It was really cute. When was the last time you waxed anything on your body, if ever? It's been some years since I used to wax my eyebrows. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. A minor one, but still. Can you honestly say you love the last person you kissed? Yep. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? Yeah. Would you ever go on Fear Factor? Noooo. I would NEVER get past day #2 where they tend to do the disgusting shit, and I'm way too out of shape to do the wild stuff they do. What colour was the last mask you wore? Blue. Can any of your friends sing well? Which one has the nicest singing voice? Oh yes, Sara has an absolutely beautiful voice. When was the last time you had a nightmare? I had two last night, actually. I have this habit of taking my APAP mask off in the middle of the night because it's a nuisance, and I never remember doing so. When I do that, I'm much more prone to have nightmares because the mask helps my sleep apnea, which causes my nightmares/terrors. Where do you see yourself in ten years? I do NOT want to imagine this. It's either going to be beautiful or a fucking catastrophe, of that I'm sure. Does your family have traditions? Just pretty ordinary holiday ones. Have you ever met anyone half-way famous? Tez is famous, as far as I'm concerned. :') I also have some musician friends trying to make it, but idk how far they've actually gotten in the industry. Is there a celebrity that you are related to? No, just ancestors. Would you call your last relationship a mistake? Definitely not. Would you ever take up a job in photography? Ugh... that's the fucking dream. But I'm massively losing hope. Do you throw out your assignments once you’ve gotten them back? When I was in school, it depended on whether it would serve as good study material or not. Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? My old friend Jenna messaged me a few days back just to say she was thinking about me and wished me well, which I really appreciated. Of course I messaged her back wishing her the same and all. Have you ever developed a crush on someone the first day you met them? Don't believe so, no. Do you have any friends who never shut up about their boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, I used to. She vanished. Have you ever showered with a member of the opposite sex? No. Don't want to. I want to be alone when I shower.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''thoughts & prayers" by motionless in white

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forasecondtherewedwon · 4 years

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Slow Mover

Pairing: Peter Parker x Michelle Jones (Spideychelle) Rating: E/NSFW Word count: 12k

Summary:

When Ned backed out on rooming with Peter during their first year of college, MJ felt like it was no big deal to take his place. Now that she's about to lose it, she's confronting the fact that she may have grown attached... and not to the apartment.

Monday, February 1st

I’m gonna pack my things and leave you behind/This feeing’s old and I know/That I’ve made up my mind ― “I Love You So” (The Walters)

MJ’s been thinking about moving out for awhile. As far as roommates go, Peter’s a slob, not that she has a frame of reference since they’re only in their first year of college and she declined student residence in favour of splitting a lease with her Academic Decathlon underling.

If the term ‘underling’ seems harsh, it’s not. Peter’s earned her disdain in more ways than there are Disney Dalmatians. He mashes down the nibs of her Faber-Castell markers making hasty grocery lists on the post-its that inevitably breeze off their fridge door. He falls through the window almost every time he gets in late from Spidey-patrol and the thud wakes her up. He has socks everywhere. She has never seen so many. Fucking. Socks.

This was supposed to be him and Ned, she knows―his actual best friend, not the friend reluctantly given the designation because... why, again? How she won Peter’s friendship isn’t immediately clear. Except Ned decided to commute from home in a last-minute fit of separation anxiety. This was after Peter signed a lease but before the online application for student residence opened. MJ shrugged and said she’d help them out because the little walk-up is close to campus and about on par with what the college charges for housing. For Peter, the draw is the privacy to sneak in and out in his superhero getup. For MJ, it’s the quiet of not sleeping within the same four walls as a noisy roommate, on a floor packed with students, in a building of eighteen-year-olds who’ve just left the nest and are ready to party.

But, like she’s noted, Peter’s the worst.

It’s the first of February, with only two full months plus exams left in the term, and she’s still telling herself she might just cut and run. Very likely, she and Peter have the last good landlord in New York City (or the woman knows how fast she could rent their apartment with so many students, tourists, and other career transients coming and going) because they were told upfront that they could move out at either the end of the month or right in the middle, provided they gave two weeks of notice. When the 1st and the 15th of every month roll around, MJ re-evaluates. Obviously, she hasn’t dropped Peter on his ass yet, but she could. She has options. She’s met a handful of people in her figure drawing and art history classes who are living together on two floors of a ramshackle historic house somewhere that’s basically turned into an artist’s colony and one more person would be nothing to them. MJ could absolutely move in. The socializing demands would be an adjustment, but it’s a short sprint to exam season and she’ll be burrowing into a library study room at that point anyway.

Today’s another first of the month, another chance to announce she’s jumping ship. After considering everything during her walk back to the apartment from her afternoon class, MJ’s decided she’ll probably stay. She never records the factors that inform her decision, preferring to leave no trace. Put it down to her love of mystery and conspiracy, or her five solid months of rooming with a guy who leads a double life. Either way, her vast internal ordering system that leaves no physical sign drives Peter nuts. That’s why she continues to use it.

“Hey, loser, I’m home!” she shouts, twisting her key out of the lock and closing the door behind her.

MJ doesn’t see him right away, but she knows he’s here. His class schedule is as familiar as her own and she knows he’s just as hesitant as she is to engage with people―even people he’s friendly with in class―outside of school. He’ll be here. No need to rush the encounter.

She kicks off her slushy boots, hangs her coat, shoves her hat down the sleeve, and heads to her room. A living space and kitchen that are practically one and the same was evidently the trade-off the boys were willing to make for two bedrooms when they chose this apartment. Whatever. MJ isn’t dying for any meal that requires more than a foot and a half of counter space. And the bedroom all to herself is nice. Peter got the one with the window for his nefarious late-night purposes (saving people and shit), so her room’s away from exterior walls and beside the bathroom. She nearly always gets to the shower first and when she doesn’t... at least being a slow showerer isn’t one of Peter’s faults.

Hefting her textbooks and notebooks from her bag one by one, MJ assesses which she’ll need for homework tonight. Yikes, maybe it should be an exclusively laptop evening; she has a midterm paper coming up and the task of assembling citable articles from scholarly journals beckons in a voice that’s been shredded through a cheese grater. Mmm, cheese. She touches her stomach. Snack first?

Once she’s let her hair down to straggle around her shoulders and swapped her jeans for pj bottoms, MJ plods back into communal territory. She can hear Peter talking in his room through his door, probably on the phone. Part of her wants to knock and tell him to say hi to his aunt for her. The more persuasive part of her wants cheese. She shuffles onward.

He comes sliding into the kitchen like a young Tom Cruise, but with pants―god, the mental comparison is so embarrassingly bad that it’s making her start to blush―as MJ’s arranging a slice of cheddar on a cracker. The fact that Peter so clearly wants to tell her something encourages her to bite down and, mouth full of crunching food, cut him off with, “’Sup?”

“I just got off the phone with Ned,” he informs her. His arms are dramatically apart like this news is in any way important or unusual.

Treating him with heavily sarcastic seriousness, she plants an elbow on the counter and leans towards him like she’s fascinated.

“And Lego’s teaming up with Tesla to build a driveable, electric Millennium Falcon that roars like Chewbacca when you hit the gas,” she predicts.

Peter’s mouth hangs open for a moment and it’s adora―it’s amusing. Like, she wants to laugh at him. Because he looks like a dork. This nerd is so easy to bait.

“Oh my god, I wish. Get out of my fantasies.”

Her elbow almost slips off the counter. She finishes chewing, chastened by how she could’ve just bit her tongue in a grisly household accident.

“Spit it out then,” she suggests, because now Peter’s grinning, waiting for her to ask. “I don’t have another guess.”

Her roommate takes a deep breath to ready himself for something and she narrows her eyes.

“Well, you know how you keep talking about those people you know and their big house and how they maybe have a room or part of a room or something?”

MJ rolls her eyes.

“I mentioned it once, Parker.”

“Oh, well, I remember you saying that. I―well,” he interrupts himself, “Ned and I wondered if that was something you were still considering.”

She has no idea where he’s going with this.

“I have no idea where you’re going with this.”

Peter comes close to vibrating for a minute before he just blurts it out.

“Ned’s moving in! Or, he could be, if you were moving out. Shit,” he mutters, expression falling. “We’re not trying to force you out. It’s just that you said you might want to, and Ned’s been thinking about moving closer to campus for exams and―”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” MJ agrees, nodding quickly. “You guys are idiots for not thinking of that sooner.”

Are they? Was it them being idiots that kept Ned at home? No, that was anxiety. Was it them being idiots that made Peter wholeheartedly welcome MJ as a roommate? No, that was... Ok, she doesn’t have an answer for that one, but she’s already said her thing about idiots, so she scoops her plate of cheese and crackers off the counter and slips past the confused face of her roommate, muttering about peer-reviewed academic sources.

It’s infuriating and unfair, as MJ numbly abandons her snack on her desk and sinks to the floor of her bedroom with her head in her hands, that the instant she agreed to move out was the same instant she noticed how cute her soon-to-be ex-roommate looks in sock-feet.

Tuesday, February 2nd

Is there more to this urge that lies in me/’Cause it feels like there’s something I can’t see/But I don’t know what it means ― “Patience” (Hollow Coves)

“You have your key, right?” Peter checks. It’s twenty after seven in the morning and MJ’s hustling him out their apartment door ahead of her. Honestly, she’s trying to kick the back of his shoes to speed him up, but Spider-Roommate’s a little too agile.

“Right here,” she assures him, flashing him the key ring in her hand.

“I just didn’t want you to be―”

“I know, loser.”

She observes as he hefts his backpack onto his shoulder and reaches past her to pull the door shut after them. He locks up and drops his key into his backpack. The solo key. Right in there, with all the other crap Peter keeps crammed inside. Half the time, when he has class and she doesn’t, she hears him arrive home and gets up to let him in. (Has she been listening for him? Not consciously.) Otherwise, he’s fumbling through his bag for ages for that key. Hilarious that he thinks he needs to take care of her like this, when she’s the one who’s been doing that for him.

Caring in a loose sense. Not actual caring. Just, making something more convenient.

They walk down the stairs. MJ’s instinct is always to hang back―like she’s trailing him or trying not to be seen with him―but Peter always slows down to her pace, never making it a thing. By this point in the year, their steps are in sync. The rhythmic thumps are an excuse not to speak. For her, anyway.

It’s early and MJ doesn’t have class until tonight. The explanation she’s been going with since this little morning ritual started is that it gives her more time to get shit done and keeps her established sleep schedule from getting fucked up on days that she has to be on campus before noon. The number of steps they descend together has grown familiar beneath the soles of her sneakers, she knows every little gouge in the wall. With Ned moving in, the number of days left for MJ to do this is suddenly pretty small. She’s nervous about it; she’s never been one for countdowns. Pulling her wool cardigan closed, she crosses her arms over her chest like she’s holding herself in and tucks her hands into her armpits.

“Have a good morning,” Peter says, moving quickly across the cramped lobby to push the outer door open. “See ya.”

She feels him glance back at her, but she doesn’t return the look.

“Yep.”

Alone, MJ turns to their shared mailbox. Another benefit of a key ring: carrying multiple keys at one time without the risk of losing any of them. She opens it up, extracts their measly haul, and flips through as she climbs the stairs back to the apartment. The journey feels a lot farther when she’s heading up―could be the roommate that makes the difference, or only gravity.

Halfway up, she has to pause. It’s just junk mail, addressed to Peter, but she realizes she’s going to miss getting mail with his name on it.

Wednesday, February 3rd

Maybe you and I could live together if we ever learn to ease the tension ― “You & I” (Colony House)

Ned’s over when MJ gets home. Today’s the longest day of her week―six hours of class back-to-back, followed by an hour and a half of the work study she signed up for because her scholarship doesn’t cover rent outside of student residence. It’s just papering bulletin boards with student council notices, and the mundanity of the work is nice, but she’s reached her quota for expending effort today; she accepts Ned’s high-five as she drags her feet past the couch and heads to her room, lying face-down on her bed until it feels like she’s whole again.

Gradually (very gradually), she rolls onto her side and grabs her warped copy of Moll Flanders off the bedside table. Something about a woman living an extremely precarious life calms her. MJ’s breathing becomes slow and silent, but she stops herself after 15 pages. If she keeps reading, she’ll fall asleep. Instead, she sits up and trades her socks for the cozier version wedged under her mattress. She has a secret fear that Peter will steal them. He’s gotten a covetous look in the past, so she’s taking precautions.

She pulls her laptop to her instead of going to her laptop and tidies up the Works Cited page on her in-progress paper. This task of thoughtless precision is the only school-related thing she feels like tackling for the rest of the day. All of today’s classes are either of the Monday-Wednesday variety or once a week, so MJ isn’t in a rush to get the readings done. She stops to think, pulling up the digital copy of her planner, and stares at the test she has marked down for next week. Hmm. It’s before her paper’s due, meaning studying for it won’t be taking priority, but the test format is a mix of multiple choice and short answer. The class―a sociology course―is graded on a curve and she’s in there with a bunch of students from non-writing programs who are consistently shit at short answer questions. As long as she refreshes her memory about the material being tested, the grading curve will push her competent written answers to the head of the class. It’s all about working the system.

During her time alone in the apartment yesterday, MJ hammered out a thesis and introductory paragraph. Now, she approaches them ruthlessly to see if she can streamline. This is the most critical part; actually writing the paper is just her hands flying across the keyboard, tossing in quotations like air-dropped care packages to her primary source-obsessed professor.

No, no, her brain is rejecting it. She’s done enough today. She doesn’t exactly want to socialize, but Peter and Ned are generally good about letting her quietly stew in their company without expecting much from her. MJ heads to the bathroom to wake herself up by washing her face, then out into the living room.

“What are you nerds doing?”

Half of the reason for her question is just to scare them (not that that’ll actually work on Mr. Super-senses over there) because she can see they’re about to put a movie on. Peter spins around to look at her while Ned rises from the couch. Privately, MJ thinks it’s kind of nice how Ned feels so at home here, where Peter is. Then again, it is about to become his home. Fuck, she needs to talk to the art people about that room.

“We were just gonna watch Alien,” Peter offers.

“Again? Didn’t you tell me you guys did an Alien marathon over winter break?”

He smiles like he’s been caught and it’s cu―funny.

“Yeah, and Ned’s making hot chocolate.”

“Oh yeah?” MJ watches Ned stride purposefully into their tiny kitchen. “Finally making yourself useful?”

He waves a dismissive hand at her and she snorts a laugh. They’ve gotten to this good friendship place of brotherly/sisterly teasing.

“You wanna watch?” Peter asks, calling her attention back to him. She weighs her looming essay against the full day behind her.

“Ok.”

“Hot chocolate, MJ?” Ned immediately asks.

“Well, since you’re determined to be such a good host.”

Ned grins and turns back to the kitchen. MJ leans against the wall, watching Peter put the movie in―not watching, just, like, observing―then glances at Ned. He hasn’t made much progress with their drinks. A mismatched trio of mugs is on the counter and... that’s it.

“You need a hand?” she asks, pushing off the wall.

“Where’s the kettle? Didn’t it used to be in this drawer?”

Ned points into the sliding drawer at their heap of assorted pots and pans.

“It did,” MJ explains. “But that one broke, so we bought a new one. A new one, WHICH WE’RE HOPING NOT TO BREAK BY DROPPING IT INTO THE DRAWER THIS TIME, RIGHT, PETER?”

Her roommate gives a sheepish laugh.

“Our new one’s tucked behind the toaster,” she tells Ned, directing him with a jerk of her chin.

“You guys are buying appliances together,” Ned chuckles. “That’s adorable.”

It’s a somnambulant walk to the couch, where MJ huddles in the corner and zones out for most of the movie.

Thursday, February 4th

You burn through my mind, again and again, again/And again and again ― “Luna” (Bombay Bicycle Club)

Feeling a burst of resolve before the weekend, possibly in rebellion against Wednesday evening’s confusing feelings, MJ decides to text one of her art classmates re: the spare room. Somehow, what she ends up texting is a question about their prof’s office hours. Which MJ already knows the answer to.

Another thing she does is read the same page of her art history textbook over and over and over and over.

Friday, February 5th

You’re the only one worth seeing/The only place worth being ― “Cold Cold Man” (Saint Motel)

Peter’s class finishes an hour before MJ’s, yet he always dithers with his packing, so they end up leaving the apartment for their trip back to Queens (courtesy of public transit) at the same time. Traveling with him is one of the less flawed aspects of a friendship with Peter Parker. He won’t glare manspreaders out of their prime seats like MJ would, but he knows the shortest routes and, while train and bus timetables never line up well for her, Peter’s memorized and mastered the schedule. They never wait around.

Also, there’s, like, a bubble of chill around him. No one in their vicinity behaves like a violent asshole―not verbally, not physically. Is it some kind of Spider-Man thing? Is Peter’s skin emitting a sedative to keep the other passengers relaxed? MJ isn’t relaxed. She sways into him multiple times, their overstuffed backpacks knocking together, and he smiles at her, unbothered, as her heart revs ineffectually like a remote-control car someone’s trying to urge up a steep slope.

They walk the last two blocks to the spot where their paths diverge. There’s enough sunshine that the light snow that fell overnight has already been transformed into the slimy grit crunched beneath their boots. Her bag’s beyond heavy at this point, but she knows, at any sign of lag, he’ll offer to carry it for her and she just can’t deal with that shit right now. ‘That shit’ being Peter’s thoughtfulness. MJ just... she needs a day, two days, to remember that she knows how to live without Peter always in the next room. Without joint ownership of a fucking kettle.

“So, text me when you wanna head back on Sunday and we’ll go together?”

MJ frowns. It isn’t clear if the question is the timing for the return trip or if they’ll be making it as a party of two. She shrugs.

“If that works for you.”

“Ok, awesome.”

She nods though it doesn’t feel like a situation where the word ‘awesome’ is called for.

“Later, nerd,” MJ says, aiming for her mom’s as she marches away.

“Hey, MJ?”

She glances back. Peter’s still standing there, plaintive look on his face, hands clutching the straps of his backpack. He never wears gloves. She keeps telling him to wear gloves. Is she supposed to be responsible for Spider-Man’s frostbite? What a pain in the ass this guy is.

Her attention’s enough to get him to continue.

“It’s ok, right? It’s ok about Ned moving in? It’s just, you were kind of quiet during the movie the other night and we didn’t talk much yesterday either...”

With a deep breath, MJ walks back to him.

“I’m just busy,” she says, meeting his eye, then letting her gaze drift off. “Big essay coming up.”

“...And about Ned?”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense, like I said. Did you forget?” It’s maybe the shittiest attempt at teasing someone ever made, but MJ doesn’t really tease Peter.

“But it’s not, like, bothering you or anything, is it? I mean, you don’t regret agreeing?”

Do you? she wants to ask and doesn’t.

“I’m fine, Parker, stop worrying about it,” she says instead. “If you bring this up again after Ned moves in with you, I’m going to have to come back to the apartment and booby-trap it, Home Alone-style.”

He smiles.

“Harsh.”

“Alright,” MJ concedes, “Parent Trap-style, like they did to the cabin. No swinging paint cans, just buckets of molasses.”

“Deal. Consider my silence bought.”

“I didn’t buy your silence, nerd, I ensured it through coercion. Aren’t you supposed to have experience dealing with bad guys? Yikes.”

Peter starts laughing and, incredibly, she does too, the two of them stalled on the corner.

“Ned’ll keep me out of trouble.”

“Yeah, well, he better,” she says easily. Too easily. Jesus, what the hell is she saying? “Because, uh, I need you alive long enough to pull off the Parent Trap thing.”

Shit, she made an offhanded reference to the possibility of his being murdered. Nice. Really great stuff. He won’t want her out on the 15th now―he’ll never want her back in the apartment with him again.

“Of course.”

Peter glances down, but when his face tilts back up, he’s smiling at her. Why the fuck does it feel like they’re saying goodbye forever? MJ nods an awkward farewell to end this strangeness. That’s when Peter moves towards her and she freezes. What’s he doing? They don’t have a secret handshake like he and Ned do. He catches himself when his arms start to lift and looks horrified.

“Sorry,” Peter blurts. “I don’t know what... I was going to hug you.” He laughs self-consciously. “That’d be weird, right?”

“And it’s managing to get weirder without even happening.”

He takes a step back, but MJ surges forward impulsively. She tucks her chin over his shoulder, her hands squeezing his sides because the backpack makes a full embrace impossible―Peter’s backpack is helping her make wiser choices than her own brain.

“Bye,” she says, soft and fast, and turns, jogging to catch the light.

Saturday, February 6th

The longing never ends/Letting go of ways that we changed, still I pretend ― “Fire Flower” (Summer Salt)

Her gram comes over for dinner. Or, more like MJ and her mom pick her gram up from the apartment she shares with her sister and bring her back for dinner. Ever since Gram’s wife (they never made it official, but that doesn’t change who these women were to each other) died, she’s been living with her sister, but MJ’s great-aunt, 79 years old as she is, has a hot date tonight, so Gram has made time for them in her busy schedule. She’s a real jokester about that in the car, about how she’s missing Westworld for them. When MJ shoots back that she can and has watched Westworld any time she wants (she’s pretty sure Gram’s on her third rewatch of season one), her mom shoots her a look from the driver’s seat. When she adds that Gram only watches because she has a crush on Thandie Newton, they have to roll down the windows to let a little of the laughter out.

Her mom won’t let her wash dishes during her first visit home for over a month, but she has nothing against MJ drying them. As they work, Gram sits at the kitchen table and asks her all about school. Asks if she’s still drawing naked people (yes, Gram, the figure-drawing class runs all year), asks if Financial Aid’s trying to snatch her scholarship back (no, Gram, but I’ll call you if they try anything).

“And are you still living with that boy?”

Normally, MJ would laugh this question off, same as the others. Normally. Her hands still, holding a mug wrapped in a dampening tea towel.

“What’d you say, honey?”

Gram’s a little deaf and not used to MJ not firing an answer back immediately. She assumed she didn’t hear the response, not that MJ didn’t give one. MJ thinks for a second. Probably better not to alarm her gram with news of her upcoming change of living situation. She doesn’t want to be worried about and, technically, she is still living with ‘that boy’ for another eight days.

“Yes, Gram. Peter.”

“His name is not one of the things I need to know about him. I just need to know that he’s not getting in the way of your ascent to greatness.”

MJ smiles and finishes drying the mug.

“Nobody’s going to do that.”

“Good girl. And you feel safe there?”

“Gram, he’s an Avenger.”

Yeah, maybe that’s top-secret information. Whatever. Who’s her gram going to tell?

“I don’t mean do you think he’d pull you out if the building fell down―”

“Nice image, Mom,” MJ’s mother contributes with a roll of her eyes.

“―I mean how are you handling sharing a space with a boy who’s in love with you?”

MJ’s drying a fistful of silverware and it spills out of her grip, scattering across the counter. A lone spoon plops back into the sink’s soapy water. She clears her throat and reaches for the cutlery. Reaches even farther for her composure.

“He’s not, and what would that have to do with safety?”

“Let me tell you, he most certainly is.” Apparently, Gram’s rejecting the question. She never wastes her own time on words she can’t be bothered to speak.

“A boy and a girl can room together without there being... feelings,” MJ points out. It’s irritation that’s making her blush. Irritation at herself for being wrong-footed by her gram over Peter freaking Parker.

“Yes, they can, but I’m not talking about ‘a boy and a girl,’ I’m talking about Peter and yourself.”

“I think getting a Netflix account has made you suspicious,” MJ gently accuses. “What’ve you been watching on there?”

“None of your business.”

Gram changes the subject, letting her off the hook, but the next time MJ turns to look at her, Gram gives her a wink.

Well, she can think what she likes, even theorize aloud. Doesn’t make her right. If it’s between Peter and MJ, her own feelings are the ones that make her feel unsafe, unbalanced, unprepared. Maybe he’s considerate with her, maybe he’s kind to the point of being sweet (when she lets him be), but that’s Peter. That’s just Peter.

Sunday, February 7th

You know I like you a lot, but/It still hits me like a rock ― “Hits Me Like a Rock” (CSS)

MJ’s breaking her promise to stay for lunch, bailing right after breakfast. She tells her mom she’d rather get back into school mode. Plus, she’ll be home for the week-long study break before midterms; only a week away. What she won’t think about is the possibility that she’ll be using her studying time for learning-to-cope-without-Peter-in-the-next-room time instead.

She doesn’t text him, by the way. Why cut his weekend short? True, escorting her home isn’t his responsibility, but he’d find some way to feel obligated. Definitely a Spider-Man thing. If only his overdeveloped sense of responsibility carried over into the putting his socks away department. Which is what she comes home to: Peter’s socks just inside the door of their apartment. On the floor, peeking out of every pair of his shoes like a grubby Beatrix Potter scene. MJ has no memory of things looking so dire when she left (they left―together). Must’ve been distracted by trying to remember if she had her transit pass, or whether her mom had asked her to bring anything home for dinner.

The sidewalks have become slushy again and, based on the wet spot near the toe of her left sock, she needs to re-waterproof her boots. For now, she troops straight to her bedroom, holding her dripping boots in one hand and a paper towel beneath them with her other. MJ settles them over the heat vent in her room. As she switches to dry socks, she eyes the boots like they should’ve known better.

It’s a cozy, forgetful few hours of solitude. Her paper’s due Thursday and the body of it isn’t exactly taking shape; she’s straining against the traditional essay format and finding it messy going, even though it feels like she’s on the right track. High school has underprepared her for this and overprepared her for things like... robotics. It’s amazing how few people give a fuck about robotics when she’s sitting in a lecture on the Dutch masters.

Peter never remembers to shut his bedroom door and, without trying to look, MJ gets a glimpse from the hall, right through his room and out the window, of snow lazily starting to fall when she rises to get a glass of water. The call of hot water is strong, but she showered his morning before breakfast. The best she can do is snuggle into bed and languidly run a highlighter over some readings for Tuesday.

MJ finds out she fell asleep when she wakes up to Peter’s disbelieving shriek. The sound isn’t loud, but it has her up and fighting her way out of her blankets to stumble into the hallway at the same time her roommate comes sliding into it from the kitchen. He sighs in relief. Spins, clutching his hair. That’s a little much, she thinks. What a fucking dork.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asks, ignoring how good it feels to see him again. Again? They were apart a day.

“You never texted me and then, and then―” He gestures behind him. “―your boots weren’t at the door.”

“They were soaked,” MJ explains slowly. “They’re drying in my room.”

Peter’s still getting over... whatever this is that’s happening to him.

“Your boots are always at the door.”

She looks at him carefully, surprised to discover he seems to be coming down from genuine panic.

“Are you ok?”

He does an odd shrugging motion and approaches her.

“I’m ok.”

“Do you need a―”

Peter claps his arms around her and MJ goes immobile.

“Yeah, I did,” he agrees.

She’s trying to figure out when she should tell him she planned to end that sentence with ‘doctor.’ Or something else, even. Something that would calm him. Only... he does seem calm. Feel calm. His hands are spread on her back. His body’s sturdy enough to pull her in and push her back out again with his every breath when he’s hugging her like this, but at least they’re slow breaths. It’s actually kind of ok. Nice. Warm. Confusing.

Before MJ can wrap her arms around his neck, caught up in this intermission from the Parker and Jones: Roommates and Nothing More sitcom, Peter puts his hands firmly on her waist and steps away from her. Then glances down to see where his hands are and drops them.

“S-sorry. I... I was... I overreacted.”

“I’m fine,” she says with what’s supposed to be a shrug but manifests as a twitch. “I’m good. Nobody murdered me on my way home. So...” Idiotically, MJ chucks him on the shoulder in a mortifyingly fatherly manner. “Thanks for keeping the streets safe, Spider-Man.”

“Uh, yeah, you’re welcome. Glad you’re safe.”

Peter’s red-faced, swinging his arms, looking at her and then not looking at her, as she retreats back into her room and closes the door.

Not safe. MJ is not safe.

Monday, February 8th

I’ll speak a little louder, I’ll even shout/You know that I’m proud and I can’t get the words out ― “Everywhere” (Fleetwood Mac)

She’s wasting the one-hour gap she has between classes. It’s supposed to be for eating lunch and, these days, either studying for tomorrow’s test or adding something brilliant to her paper. It isn’t supposed to be for eating lunch with a couple of nerds who’ve braved the art building to join her. Ned’s awe of the building makes MJ start to smile before he changes topics to the reason he and Peter are actually barging into her schedule―discussion of Ned’s move-in.

Based on their landlord’s 1st and 15th rule, Ned will be an official renter seven days from now. To the boys, it therefore makes sense for Ned to be taking over that day. And to MJ too, of course. It totally makes sense to MJ. The 15th is also the first day of their break week, so there won’t be classes to plan around. Nothing could be more straightforward! MJ can get her stuff packed up this weekend (the 13th-14th) and have her mom pick her up in the car the next day to relocate her to her new living space. Which―fuck―she’s definitely going to text her classmate about. When asked about her living plans directly, she smiles and spoons hot soup into her mouth.

She’s good with it. Ned’s good with it. Peter’s... holding things up. He claims he’s only wondering if they need more time before Ned moves in because he doesn’t want anyone’s boxes to get mixed up. Ned pipes up with information on his thorough labelling technique. MJ just watches Peter. His eyes flick to her more than once, like she’s going to protest, maybe? She wouldn’t. She doesn’t want to screw this up for them. Rooming together is what these two losers wanted from the start. The only thing she has to do is step aside. Fine, she can manage that.

“And we’ll just... see each other around,” Peter says as the three of them are finishing lunch.

But he doesn’t say it to Ned, obviously. Not to Ned, who will be living across the narrow hallway from him in a week. He’s looking right at MJ. Damn his gentle, baby-animal eyes. She hadn’t really thought about this. When would she see Peter? They’re in different programs with classes in different buildings. Their schedules overlap in a way that was convenient for eating dinner together most nights, not in a way that means they’ll bump into each other on campus during their downtime. They’re overachievers who haven’t been able to sustain friendships outside of school. Except for with Ned. Except for with each other.

When Peter does this incomprehensible motion that, in another universe, might look like he was reaching for her hand, MJ nods in agreement. Then, as her eyes start to well without her permission, pretends to have burnt the roof of her mouth on her final spoonful of soup.

It’s been cold for half an hour.

Tuesday, February 9th

Bless your body, bless your soul/Pray for peace and self-control ― “The World We Live In” (The Killers)

MJ isn’t sweating because she’s retroactively stressed about the test. The test went fine. She prepared; in fact, she overprepared―devoting her entire morning and too much of the afternoon to revision when she should’ve been working on her fucking paper. That’s why she hurried back. That’s why she’s sweaty and ready for a hot shower. It’ll refresh and refocus her and she’ll bang out a few paragraphs of the paper tonight, a few tomorrow (even though it’s the longest day of her week; she’s putting the nightmarish reality out of her mind for now), and have time to proofread the whole thing Thursday morning before she turns it in.

It’s a plan and she loves it. MJ heads to her room, vaguely noticing that Peter’s bedroom door is shut. Huh, maybe he’s hunkered down to do some studying of his own. She dumps her backpack and flings off her sweatshirt and, you know what, her t-shirt too when it wants to cling to the sweatshirt and be removed at the same time. The bathroom’s right next to her room.

MJ darts over in her bra and the sweatpants she wore to take her test and opens the door.

Just as Peter flips the bathroom light on.

She twists away and slams her back into the hallway wall. Jesus Christ. Blinking won’t wipe away the sight of Peter standing there with a towel tucked around his hips. Just the towel. Just that one towel. Fuck, she has to handle this somehow. The situation, that is.

“Sorry,” MJ blurts. “The light was off and, and I didn’t think and―”

“I like to shower in the dark. It kinda lets my senses rest and―”

“I finished my test early so you probably weren’t expecting me home and―”

“―then I needed the light on to shave because I cut myself enough with it on to have zero desire to attempt shaving my face in the dark and―”

Her heart’s pounding so loudly that between that sound and her own words, she’s barely catching any of what Peter’s saying.

“Such an invasion of privacy,” she sighs out in conclusion. He falls silent too. The bathroom door’s still open and a warm radiance stretches the width of the hall; MJ wants to reach her fingertips out and let them glow.

“So,” Peter says, urgency draining into timidity, “your test went well?”

“Yeah.” Looking down at her bare feet on the carpet of the hallway they still share, MJ smiles. “You cut yourself shaving?”

“You can laugh if you want.”

His tone isn’t offended and she knows he wouldn’t mind if she did laugh. Probably wouldn’t be surprised. She isn’t... she isn’t soft with him.

“I was just wondering why I’ve never noticed.”

“Oh, well, the cuts heal up pretty fast. They’re small cuts. I’m not that bad at shaving.” Peter clears his throat and she’s standing there yet, listening. “Plus, we don’t get close.”

A terrible, awkward, one-note laugh rips out of MJ.

“True.”

But her roommate doesn’t join in.

“We’re never close,” he says quietly. She shivers.

MJ’s back in her bedroom with the door shut―leaning against it―in a second. Maybe Peter started to move when she moved. Maybe he stepped out into the hallway with his raggedy towel and his squeaky-clean skin and the flush on his face from the steam because he heard her and thought she might be coming his way instead of hiding like a coward. She can’t know without witnessing it. His footsteps never make a sound.

Wednesday, February 10th

It’s hard to know which way to go/Come and find me, come and find me ― “Between Days” (Far Caspian)

Clearly, despite her best intentions, MJ is giving off a vibe. Not her regular approach with caution vibe. No, no. She doesn’t know where that withering aura of distance has gone, but she’s lost it and the atmosphere around her has changed as smoothly as the colours in a mood ring. It must have, because Peter hugs her for the second time this week, pulling her into an abrupt embrace before she heads off to campus in the morning.

This is supposed to be the thing about roommates, right? Always invading your space. Only, through the decaying brick wall of her denial, she sees that this isn’t the same thing. He’s not rummaging through her search history or eating her groceries (besides―fuck―they’re kind of their groceries, like the whole kettle situation); he’s initiating moments of physical affection. MJ knows the hugs are affectionate and not perfunctory. If it were otherwise, if they were the kind of automatic hugs that happen in less established friendships upon every meeting and farewell, Peter and MJ would always have done them and it wouldn’t feel so momentous that, suddenly, he’s electing to hold her.

He doesn’t try it when she gets home. That’s a good thing. She’s tired and not so much cooking dinner as microwaving an assortment of shit from the fridge for the sloppy meal that will sustain her through wrapping up the final section of her midterm paper and writing the conclusion. Peter’s sitting on the couch with a textbook in his lap when she gives him a sharp wave and goes to her bedroom, closing the door firmly behind her.

The final section is an uphill (if the hill’s a ski slope slicked over by ice rain―and also there’s an avalanche rumbling down from the submit) battle that takes until nearly 10pm to complete. MJ’s focus is hanging by a thread and she’s rerouting all of her energy to keeping her brain on task. That means no getting up to hunt up a chocolate bar or make a cup of coffee. She can do this. She just has to force herself through to the end. It’s one more paragraph, or maybe a big one and a small final final one of a line or two, to bring home her argument with a little more flair.

MJ pushes ahead, but apparently, the scale of her determination hasn’t left enough space for her memory to function, because she’s mixing up the order of her sub-points, and she’s missing the first part of her thesis entirely. She keeps scrolling―up-down, up-down―to refer to the part she’s already written. It’s coherent, and that should be helping her now, but fucking stress or something is making her concentration worse the harder she tries.

She lives lightly in the apartment. She’s tidy and contained and quiet. The sound of frustration she makes as it feels like this whole assignment is unraveling (has she fucked it up from the beginning? Should she start over completely? Oh god, it’s eleven o’clock! How is it eleven?!) is hellish. MJ’s head slumps to her desk and she starts weeping. Why is this so hard? She’s tired.

It’s possible that she doesn’t hear his knock, but Peter barges into her room. She gets herself to sit up and wipe her fingers under her eyes, her palms over her wet cheeks.

“It’s not―” Coming together, she wants to say. Fair, she wants to say.

“I know,” Peter interrupts, walking over to her chair. “How ‘bout you step away from that for a minute?”

He puts his hand out to her and MJ sniffles as she stares at it. She slaps her palm to his and he holds on, pulling her up. Probably to guide her towards the TV or the kitchen for a hot drink, but MJ steps into him instead, her head on his shoulder, her nose against his neck.

It’s the smell she’s smelt when she hangs her coat on the hook next to his, when she sits on the couch and can tell he’s recently sat in the same spot. Normally, this is a following smell―the scent of coming upon him after he’s gone. Shock that it’s become a now smell makes MJ jerk back, realizing what she’s doing. She’s never practiced friendly hugs. She doesn’t know how to do them. Peter, on the other hand, hugs people all the time―mainly Ned and his aunt―and yet his failings are equal to hers. There’s nothing pal-like in how he puts his hands on her or flexes his arms around her or gently gathers her closer. When he lets her step back, she sort of wishes he hadn’t. But she’s not thinking. Fucking paper.

MJ swivels and sits on the edge of her mattress.

“I can’t end it,” she tells him bluntly.

Peter’s eyebrows raise... hopefully?

“No?”

She shakes her head.

“My introduction’s solid, but I’m getting lost somewhere in the middle trying to recap it.”

“Oh. Oh. Well, you could maybe― Is it ok if I sit down?” She nods. He continues, glancing sideways at her, a foot of space between them. “You could read it out loud? To me?”

“The whole essay?”

“If that’s what you need.”

MJ narrows her eyes at him.

“Parker, don’t you have your own work to do?”

He shrugs.

“I handed in a report today and I have a quiz on Friday. The grading for that class is, like, fifty percent quizzes. Pretty sure my prof just didn’t want to have to make up an exam.”

“Then my real question is, why do you want to do this?”

Why is she pushing him? MJ doesn’t know. Honestly, she’d prefer if it she shut up right about now and quit trying to get rid of her roommate. Her handsome, academically-capable roommate, sitting next to her on her bed. The only other time he’s touched her bed was when he helped her move it in here in September.

“Because it’s too soon to rewatch Alien?” She catches Peter’s eye and grants him a smirk as he laughs at his own joke. “Go,” he encourages, nodding towards her laptop. “Read it.”

With an indulgent sign, MJ lifts her computer from her desk to her lap. She mumbles a little at first; even if it’s a stupid paper rather than creative writing, they’re her words and she’s speaking them aloud for him to hear. But three paragraphs in, she glances over and Peter’s leaning back on his hands with his eyes closed. MJ almost snaps at him for not listening―incredible how fast the stress will flare up and demand an outlet―until she realizes he’s concentrating, eyebrows pulling together as she continues. Immediately after that, she stumbles over a full fucking sentence, but she comes out the other side with a steadier, louder voice.

When she reaches the end of what she has written, Peter nods and opens his eyes.

“I think―” he starts, but MJ shushes him.

Frantically, her hands trip and clack across her keyboard. The conclusion pours out, word after word after word. One big paragraph and a small final final one for flair. The second she’s done typing, MJ saves the document, puts her laptop back on her desk, and falls backwards onto her bed.

She takes three deep breaths, then says, “Now I just have to edit it.”

“Don’t I get to hear your conclusion?”

“In a minute.”

Peter drops onto his back beside her and sighs like he’s being denied something he really wanted. She rolls her eyes at him. What a nerd.

Their arms brush. He bounces his foot. Her back cracks when she pushes her shoulder into the mattress. She looks at him and gets the feeling that she just missed him looking at her.

“I’m waiting,” he whispers, and MJ laughs.

“Let it breathe, Parker. I just finished it.”

“Can you pass me that blanket then? I’m getting cold.”

“It’s like a hundred degrees in here,” she argues, but she thumps the blanket folded across her bed onto her roommate’s stomach.

After a minute of watching him get cozy, MJ’s jealous.

“Give me some of that.”

He lets her tug it over. The blanket’s big (Gram made it that way), but she’s pretty sure Peter moves closer with it.

She tucks her legs up and catches site of his watch as she arranges herself. A bit after midnight. Quarter-after. At quarter-after, she’ll get up, evict the dork from her room, and edit. MJ closes her eyes.

Thursday, February 11th

I had a dream that I kissed your lips and it felt so true/Then I woke up as a nervous wreck and I fell for you ― “Fell for You” (Green Day)

They’ve made up for three years of nearly hug-less friendship in one night; MJ wakes up slowly to find her arms around Peter, and his around her. She keeps her eyes half-open. Evidently, they clung in their sleep, facing each other, and she’s never been so comfortable. But things are going to get uncomfortable any second when Peter stirs. She almost doesn’t want him to. Then, he shifts and she feels his erection against her thigh where it’s slotted between his. MJ tries to cautiously extract her leg―heart pounding in her ears―and Peter lifts his bowed head. His bleary brown eyes meet hers.

“Hi.” His voice is like rug burn.

“I have to edit my paper,” she remembers.

She’s waking up more now, noticing the light in her room. Not the lamp she left on last night, but the morning light that generally brightens the space, coming from Peter’s window across the hall. She puts her hand down to push herself up to a sitting position and it lands on his upper arm. In a blink, his hand’s gripping her arm, preventing a topple. Wow, those reflexes are something. MJ glances shyly down into her roommate’s face.

“Paper,” she says again.

“Right.”

He sits up quickly beside her―hair all sticking up at the back of his head―and she pretends not to notice him notice his erection.

“I’ll, uh, maybe I’ll see you for breakfast?”

MJ nods without looking at him and hears Peter stumble backwards out of her room, kicking away the blanket that’s tangled around his foot. He closes the door behind him and she does not see him at breakfast. The awkward energy from the situation that she doesn’t really take time to process sends her headlong into edits. When she does make it to the kitchen, it’s with her paper tucked inside a presentation folder and her hand snatching a store-bought muffin off the counter. She can hear the shower running and is grateful that she won’t have to face Peter yet.

No, that doesn’t happen until she’s on campus, between classes; she’s handed in her assignment without incident and it’s a huge relief. Not only does Peter know her schedule as well she knows his, apparently, but he also knows exactly where she’ll be on her break. She almost bumps into him coming around the corner of a building.

It feels like she’s seeing a one-night stand in the light of day―except they didn’t sleep together and MJ already saw him in the light of day. It’s just such a contrast between this morning and now. For one thing, they’re upright. For another, they’re both fully awake.

She offers an uncertain, close-lipped smile as they exchange ‘hi’s.

“Um,” MJ starts, “what’re you doing here, Peter?”

“Oh, I just wanted to find out how it went. With your essay.”

“Well, I turned it in and I can’t really tell you more than that until I get it back.”

They stare at each other for a minute before Peter goes, “Right. Right, right, right.”

“You wanna... walk with me?”

“Sure. I have class in twenty minutes, and I have to get over to the other end of campus, but―”

“Go!”

“You sure?”

“Yes! Go, you moron. What are you doing here?”

“I was gonna bring you...” He pats his pockets and she knows it’ll be fruitless before he tells her. If whatever Peter needs isn’t already in his hand, he’s forgotten it somewhere. This is a Rule of Peter. “A chocolate bar. I forgot it.”

She smiles.

“That’s ok.”

“I thought you might need the energy since it was a pretty late night.”

The girl walking past them darts an interested glance in their direction. MJ glares at her, but Peter really could’ve phrased that to sound more innocent. Because it was innocent. Wasn’t it? A couple of students collapse from the exhaustion of midterm assignments. That’s not a clever romantic setup, it’s overwork thanks to a system designed to crank them through the academia factory and spit them out at the end with a degree.

“Yeah. Um, I’ll survive,” she promises. “You better get to class.”

Peter takes a few steps and turns back like he’s struggling with something, wanting to speak.

“Seriously, Parker,” MJ insists. “If you’re late, I’ll almost feel bad.”

This is supposed to be the part where he laughs, but her roommate just looks conflicted as he walks away from her.

He almost brought her a chocolate bar. God, she is so fucked.

Friday, February 12th

That’s not just friendship, that’s romance too/You like music we can dance to ― “I’ll Try Anything Once” (The Strokes)

“Have you been waiting long?” MJ asks when she leaves class and Peter’s standing right outside, hands in his pockets.

He scrunches his face up and turns to fall into step with her as they leave the building, then campus.

“It sounds better if I say, ‘no,’ right?”

She laughs and looks over at him.

“If you do, I’m going to assume that, on top of finishing class an hour before I do, you were also let out early.”

“It’s that obvious I’m trying that hard?” he asks with a sheepish smile.

What. MJ can’t respond.

After a minute, Peter sighs.

“I might as well tell you that my prof said we didn’t have to come today.”

“You didn’t actually have to be on campus at all?”

“No.”

“So, you’re just here...”

He nods at her implied ‘for me.’

“We’re on break now,” Peter reminds her. “Let me walk home with my roommate.”

“Might as well. Last chance.”

She feels him staring at her, but MJ does her best to look straight ahead as they walk back to their apartment.

He’s on the phone with Ned later, sitting on the arm of the couch in their living room. MJ starts putting her things together, neat piles of books and folded clothes that’ll be easier to pack tomorrow and Sunday. She leaves her door open. It used to annoy her (or she lied to herself that it did), how often Peter and Ned talk on the phone―don’t they know their generation isn’t supposed to do that anymore?―and the fact that her roommate’s soft voice carries so well through their apartment. Ok, fine, it doesn’t carry that well, she just listens for it. She can admit it now, in her bedroom, standing near the doorway to hear his happy voice.

Peter’s flopped backwards, off the arm and onto the couch and still talking animatedly to his best friend, when MJ emerges from her room. She walks directly to the couch and drops her balled-up cozy socks onto his stomach, fleeing before he can attempt to catch her eye.

Saturday, February 13th

This is not a test, welcome to the party/I’ve been on my best behaviour, but I think it’s time/ You saw the other side ― “Best of Me” (Amanda Marshall)

MJ ruthlessly scours the apartment for every article of her clothing that could possibly be dirty. It’s not a tough job; unlike Peter, she mostly keeps her stuff in her bedroom. She has a sack for carrying her laundry to their building’s first-floor machines (because an actual laundry basket takes up too much space with its defined corners) and she stuffs it, lugging everything down there before breakfast. Waiting around is kind of nice because none of the other tenants have shown up yet. Plus, like always, MJ has a book. She transfers her load from the washer to the dryer and leans back against the wall, flipping through a yellowed, soft-paged copy of The Joy Luck Club.

Since she’s been doing laundry down here all year (except for when she goes home for the weekends and winter break), MJ knows the ways of these machines. Which is why it’s so disturbing when the dryer halts five minutes before its cycle should be ending. Unwatched, she jabs at the settings, but the machine’s completely crapped out, so MJ starts hauling her laundry back into the sack. The small stuff―socks, underwear, t-shirts―has dried, but her sweatshirts are still damp. Unfortunately, with the stress of assignments, the sweatshirts are what she’s primarily lived in the past few weeks, meaning all four of them were in there at once, and all four of them are too damp to put on.

She laughs bitterly at herself; at the last second, she’d even taken off the sweatshirt she had on over her tank top.

To stay warm and keep herself from running into anyone, MJ pounds up the stairs and slips into her apartment. She can pack up the dry clothes and hang the sweatshirts off her doorframe, her chair, wherever else seems suitable, until they dry. She’s flinging one over the shower rod when Peter comes walking down the hall and pokes his head in.

“The dryer...” she starts to explain, positioning her sweatshirt, but Peter disappears. MJ rolls her eyes.

In a minute, though, he’s back. When she turns to leave the bathroom, her roommate thrusts one of his own sweatshirts at her.

“Peter,” she sighs, “stop trying to take care of me.”

“Ok, I will after this.” He shakes the sweatshirt at her. “Put it on.”

“What are you trying to do, nerd? Mark me as your territory? Quit being such a Neanderthal.”

With a smirk, MJ brushes by him, but Peter tries to lay the sweatshirt over her shoulder. She shrieks a laugh, ducking to escape it, and suddenly her roommate has his arms around her waist, picking her up with her back to his chest.

“You’re gonna be cold,” he huffs, leaning backward as she squirms.

“I’ll get a blanket!”

“A blanket will get in the way while you’re packing!”

“I’ll cope! Let me go pack!”

“Just wear! My! Sweatshirt!”

She goes limp and he sets her on her feet.

“I surrender,” MJ declares.

“Good.”

Peter bends to pick up the sweatshirt she’s shaken off with all their goofing around, breaking his hold on her, and she bolts for the living room yelling, “Sike!”

Logically, she’s aware that she can’t outrun Spider-Man, but a giddy mania pushes her to attempt it. He tackles her into the back of their couch before she can clamber over. Well, it’s sort of a tackle. Actually, Peter’s barely touching her, but he’s behind her with his hands gripping the back of the couch to either side of her hips.

“There,” she says, feeling him at her back, “you saved me from being cold.” MJ turns with a prepared smile; as the silliness fades away, the way his exhalations hit her back felt too much like tension. She meets his eye, straightening up because he’s so close. What did he say? They’re never close? “I’ll just jog up and down the hall every so―”

Peter kisses her mouth.

Just as she begins to lean into it, brain swirling and spiking with confusion, he steps back. Then again. Again, again, again. He spins at the hall and goes right to his bedroom.

MJ doesn’t know what to do, so she stands there a few minutes, face working its way through a series of expressions dictated by the imaginary conversation she and her roommate are having in her head. The one they have because he stays put two goddamn seconds after planting one on her. His sweatshirt’s on the floor near the kitchen. MJ walks over and yanks it on, feeling vulnerable and bewildered.

Eventually, she plods back to her room.

It’s a shock when Peter knocks on her door a while later. She left it open, which was terrifying. She just figured, with this being the end, truly the end, she would allow whatever was going to happen to happen. If the kiss was an awkward misunderstanding, MJ will be leaving that behind with all the rest of her conflicted feelings two days from now.

“What’s up, Parker?” she asks, not turning around to face him. She’s packing up her printer, stuffing it back into the box it came in and taping it closed.

“Do you need any help?”

“Not really. You can help carry my mattress out of here when my mom comes on Monday though.”

She’s anticipating a quip rather than an evasion. Peter Parker is the kind of friend who will voluntarily carry your shit when you move. But he doesn’t give her either.

“You’re really going.”

Slightly annoyed, MJ turns to stare at him.

“Yeah, I’m really going. Hence the packing. It was your idea, remember?”

“It was easier when I thought you didn’t want to be here.”

She laughs the fakest laugh of her life.

“I don’t want to be here. You make loud phone calls and, and you come in late at night and you have socks everywhere. I think you might actually own every sock every human being has ever lost.”

He frowns at her.

“You never mentioned any of that. In the five months we’ve lived together, you never asked me to speak more quietly or put more effort into containing my clothes to my room.”

“Well,” MJ shoots back in exasperation, “now you know!”

“Are you mad at me for offering your room to Ned?”

“Peter...” She gives him a desperate look. It’s too late for this. Doesn’t he fucking get that? MJ exhales a sharp breath. “Peter, I’m moving out on Monday.”

“What if you didn’t?”

He’s being such an idiot. Everything is arranged. She can’t stay now that Ned’s about to come bounding in with his Lego and his best-friendship to be a better match for Peter’s roommate that she ever was.

“I texted my classmate on Monday about the room. It’s mine. I’m moving out of here, Ned’s moving in. Everything’s settled.”

“Could we unsettle it?”

Peter walks into her room, right up to her. His eyes are pleading and she doesn’t want him to see that this little trick of his works just as well on her as on anyone else. That she’s susceptible to him. That’s not who they are to each other; she’s made a very good career of being his sarcastic, distant friend.

“You just don’t like change,” MJ tells him. “You didn’t mean it.” The kiss. “It was just a misguided attempt to keep me here. Nothing more.” She crosses her arms.

“You’re gonna hate hearing this, but you’re wrong.”

“Maybe I’m right and you haven’t figured it out yet.”

Peter shakes his head.

“It can’t be just me who’s felt different since I told you Ned’s moving in. Something’s changed.”

She rolls her eyes.

“You think you’re an expert on my feelings because you saw me cry in a moment of stress.”

“And you saw me half-naked!”

MJ glances away in frustration and because she doesn’t want him to see her reliving that memory.

“Being first year roommates,” she starts after a long pause, “is a condition. It’s a state of being that’s meant to change.”

“Good! I want to change it! I want us to be more than roommates. MJ, why can’t this be easy?”

“Because you noticed me last week and I’ve had a crush on you since we were fifteen!” she blurts out. “And don’t goddamn ask me why I didn’t say anything because not everyone’s brave like you, Peter. Ok? Not everyone’s Spider-Man. Some of us are just the roommate across the hall. Let me fucking get over this in peace!”

“Sure,” he says, looking down. “Got it.”

Peter nods definitively and twists away. Reaching her doorway, he turns his head slightly.

“Just so you know, you only have me beat by a year.”

Sunday, February 14th

By tomorrow I’ll be leaving/By tomorrow I’ll be gone/If you want to tell me something/You had better make it strong ― “Coming Down” (Dum Dum Girls)

On one hand, her mind knows the late-night assignment-finishing sessions are over for a while. On the other, it won’t let her sleep. MJ tosses and turns until almost four in the morning before she gets out of bed. In the dark, the only thing she can find to throw on over her pajama top is Peter’s sweatshirt, so she does.

Her thoughts felt so clear while she was lying down, but now that she’s up, things are hazy again. Did Peter really confess that he’s been interested in her since they were sixteen? Does that piece of information make her feel as mixed-up and, somehow, cheated as it did when he said it? Two morons in one apartment. Ned’s got a lot to live up to.

MJ leaves her room and crosses the hall to where Peter’s door is ajar, letting out a sliver of blue-white light. He’s probably sleeping. He won’t hear her coming if he’s sleeping. If he’s sleeping, she bargains with herself, she’ll turn right around and go back to bed. She eases the door open. Peter’s bedding rustles as he rolls over to face her.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” she mumbles. Fuck. Worst possible icebreaker in this situation.

“If I invite you in,” he wonders, voice groggy with insomnia, “are you going to push me away again?”

“No.”

“So do you believe what I said?”

MJ sighs.

“I’m trying to.”

Peter waits a minute, then pushes himself up in bed to sit with his back against the wall.

“You can come over here if you want.”

She hesitates for less time than her reluctant nature wants her to. Putting her hand out low, MJ feels for the end of the bed and sits down. It’s miles from him. We’re never close, he said.

“You’re wearing my sweatshirt,” he notes when she doesn’t say anything.

“Don’t start with that again,” she warns, but it’s light. This time, he waits her out until MJ’s compelled to speak into their silence. She begins at a whisper. “Caring about you is really hard. When we were in high school, I sort of felt my role was the unnecessary third wheel to you and Ned, and it still feels like that. Like, I think about you and I worry when I don’t hear you come home at night and, yeah, Peter, I was hurt when you sprung the Ned’s-moving-in thing on me.”

“To be fair,” Peter chimes in, “I never thought there was a reason that shouldn’t happen. I thought this whole living together thing was just a favour you were doing me. So, when Ned brought it up, I thought, finally, I can give MJ a way out.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah, well, so are you.”

MJ smiles down at her lap.

“I have to tell you all of it, ok?” Peter asks softly.

Her heart’s pounding too hard. The light in the room isn’t moonlight, just the glow of someone in the next build over’s TV through the curtains. MJ only looks at him when the mattress shifts; he’s getting out of bed, wearing a dorky shirt and plaid bottoms.

“Tell me all of it,” she prompts when he stops in front of her, looking like he’s forgotten his lines.

“MJ, I love you.”

It sounds so right, but at the same time, she’s so scared. It’s a painful thing, looking up at Peter’s face. One half aglow.

“So, that’s all of it,” she says, trying to digest his confession without being too distracted by the depth of his expression.

He laughs shortly at himself.

“Not quite.”

And he kneels.

“What the fuck, Peter,” she gasps, jolting backwards.

“I don’t have a ring because I really haven’t thought this part out,” Peter says. MJ can’t say anything. Her throat, tongue, and lips are all broken. “I just know that I can’t let you go. You promised your new roommates you were coming, and I promised Ned he was moving in here, and that’s fine. It doesn’t matter where you’re living, I’m going to love you. I can wait to get married, or even engaged for real, but I couldn’t wait any longer for you to know how I feel. That’s all of it.”

She’s stunned. He looks exposed and terrified, like he’s holding his skin open, waiting for her to snap his ribs one by one before ripping his heart out. It takes long seconds, many of them, for MJ to shift forward until she slides off the bed to sit in front of her roommate. She takes his hand.

“We are engaged for real.”

With a relieved burst of laughter, Peter grabs the back of her head and kisses her hard. Oh, she’ll put stipulations on later―no ring before graduation, no wedding until they’re both employed full-time―but right now, she’s following Spider-Man’s example and reacting on instinct.

“Oh, and I love you too,” she adds between kisses.

His hands slide down her back. Everything about the way he’s touching her says: finally. Maybe they’re skipping a step, the one where one of them asks the other out and they go on dates and meet each other’s families. But they kind of have done those things. They’ve been living together since the fall, eating dinner together most nights, easing each other’s tiny stresses most days. They know each other’s secrets and coffee orders. They know, period.

MJ loops her arms behind his neck to hold him against her while they kiss, but when they start to lean sideways, it’s Peter who mutters, “bed.”

He repeats it as a question and she nods, hands clasped in his as they help each other to their feet. It’s so simple, this part. Peter draws back the covers and they tumble and rearrange. Murmured admissions of inexperience and the way he blushes when she asks about protection―not because he hasn’t bought any, but because he has.

“You know we’re fucked if this part’s no good, right?” she checks. She’s only partly joking. “We’ve staked everything on this.”

“This is just you and me,” he replies. “Same as everything else.”

MJ has this vague plan to leave his sweatshirt on if he doesn’t say anything about it, but by the time they’ve shimmied each other out of their pajama bottoms, she’s ten thousand degrees. So she wriggles free of the sweatshirt and the t-shirt she sleeps in and Peter hugs her tight to him. He can’t be real. She puts her arms tentatively around his back, expecting her hands to pass right through him. But he’s solid and warm and on top of her, shaking slightly when MJ runs her fingers through his hair.

She keeps it up, smoothing his hair and stroking the back of his neck, as Peter’s mouth finds her collarbone, as his hand runs down her stomach to tuck between her legs. The hitch in her breathing makes him groan and bite down on her nipple. When she lifts her hips, he rubs her more fiercely. She orgasms digging her fingers into his chest―the other hand clammy against his hair line, maybe from her palm, maybe from his skin.

Chest heaving, he tells her they don’t have to do any more if she doesn’t want to. MJ reaches between their panting bodies and takes hold of his erection. Looks into his eyes as she moves her grip up and down. Convinced, Peter rolls off of her to bang open the drawer of his bedside table. She stacks his pillows, shuffling up higher, and when he returns to her, she raises her knees to cage him in. They both watch his hands put the condom on.

The next few minutes are measured in the evolving rhythms of their breathing. Peter works himself in and out of her incrementally, so much tension in his arms and back where her needy hands grasp. She needs him―it’s a miraculous revelation. That he’s been an essential part of her life, piece of her existence, and that it’s ok for her to need him, not just dispassionately or critically observe the best and worst of him. She holds him tighter and he clutches her thigh, pushing in all the way. This feeling is as much of a stranger to her as she’s been to herself.

Peter’s still for a minute. Quietly, he says, “We actually did this.”

“Yeah,” MJ agrees, tracing his spine.

Suddenly moving together takes priority over the disbelieving laughter they began to volley back and forth. She rocks her hips with and against his thrusts and it’s like they’re fighting to push the same swing from opposite sides―the movements don’t match up at first, but eventually, an instinctive force takes over and the swing swings. Peter breathes hard into her neck; MJ hooks her legs up around his hips. Single-mindedly, they grope for just the right speed, just the right pressure. He kisses her neck and her eyes roll back as she holds his face there.

When he drags against her, catching her clit, MJ uses her legs to make sure those electrifying passes continue. But Peter can tell from the sounds she’s making too, she thinks. Though brief and disconnected, her cries are climbing in pitch. He picks up the pace when she asks him to. Soon, soon, soon, there. MJ pulls him down to her, arms around his neck, and climaxes with her forehead pressed to his shoulder. Her roommate, boyfriend, fiancé, swears and speeds up even more; it’s a few seconds of a sensation that buzzes more than thumps or thrums and then he’s curling his arms under her, grabbing the back of her neck.

Peter shifts off of her and, when she doesn’t immediately come with him, gathers her to him. Of course, then he remembers about the condom and gets up anyway. MJ snuggles into the warmth he leaves. After a minute, he pulls back the covers to join her again and they share a shy reintroduction, slipping back into their pajamas. It’s when he reaches first for her hand that she realizes she’s safe.

Across the street, someone shuts off the TV. Peter’s room goes dark. They fall asleep.

Monday, February 15th

Seven miles below me/I can see the world and it ain’t so big at all ― “This Time Tomorrow” (The Kinks)

“I’m seeing you for lunch tomorrow,” MJ reminds Peter, tugging her hand out of his. The final box of her possessions is in her arms. Downstairs, her mom’s car is at the curb.

He groans in complaint and follows her down the hall, past the kitchen, to the front door. Ned should be here within the hour; they staggered her move-out and his move-in to prevent collisions. And to give Peter more time with her. He admitted to that motive this morning, cooking them an omelette while MJ leaned her forehead against his back, smiling into his t-shirt.

“Ned’s key,” she says at the threshold. She holds it out to Peter and he pockets it.

“Thanks.”

MJ takes backward steps, moving away from him. He looks like he’s barely keeping himself from springing after her. She sighs.

“Come on,” she says, smiling. “Walk me down.”

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wehavethoughts · 4 years

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Kiki’s Delivery Service Review!

Kiki's Delivery Service By: Hayao Miyazaki Fantasy/Coming-of-age Movie Studio Ghibli, 1989

Rating: 4.5/5 Waves

Content warning for Kiki's Delivery Service: Depression

This review does NOT contain spoilers for Kiki's Delivery Service.

Summary: Kiki, a thirteen-year-old witch, and Jiji, her black cat familiar, leave home for a traditional training year wherein young witches find a new town and develop their own individual magic. Overwhelmed in the big city, Kiki needs to figure out what she is good at, what she likes and who she wants to be. A story of adventure, friendship and growing up.

In times like these the best thing you can do for your soul is to find a Studio Ghibli movie you’ve never seen and dig in. As a Miyazaki fan it was odd that I had never seen Kiki's Delivery Service and now seemed like the perfect time for something light and beautiful and boy did this movie deliver ;D

The list of reasons I loved this movie is too long to include here, so I will highlight the best of the best. First and foremost, the art and music are spectacular. The 2D animation is smooth and soothing (as you would expect from Studio Ghibli animation) and the character designs are cute and comforting across the board from Kiki’s adorable self to the kindly old dog, Jeff, we only see for a few scenes.

The animation style also allowed for another one of my favorite parts of this movie, the physical comedy. So often with live-action physical comedy I am left with the lingering guilt of ‘are they ok?’, but the physical comedy in this movie won’t leave you cringing. They way the artists clearly convey the limitations of flying on a broomstick in silly whimsical ways had me laughing out loud many many times.

Aside from the art, the story and how the characters are written also impressed me. Kiki is thirteen years old and you never forget that. In some stories, especially coming-of-age stories it can feel like the children change so drastically that they go from the maturity of a teen to that of an adult over the course of a few days or weeks. I am not sure how they did it, but they gave me a thirteen-year-old protagonist who is clearly and accurately written as her age, the entire story and still vastly relatable to a wider audience. She learns, she grows, but this isn’t a story about lost innocence, which was a relief.

In fact, most of the themes and messages were realistic and hopeful in a way that left me inspired and motivated. Kiki’s struggles resonated with me and seeing her tackle those problems with the help and wisdom of those around her was a delight to watch.

Finally, something I was so happy to see was the world’s acceptance of witches. It was refreshing to see a witch story that is not about keeping secrets and slowly destroying yourself to save the world. Rather, her powers were something that people found impressive, handy and, in Tombo’s case, awe-inspiring. She was different from other people, yes, but those differences were celebrated much more than they were looked down upon and I absolutely loved it.

The reasons this movie did not get full marks are limited, but this is a review so I’ll explain. For me the issues were the pacing, the inexplicable magical training program, and my own personal cognitive dissonance regarding how nice everyone was to Kiki. The pacing was a bit too slow for my tastes and for people who are used to animation having a Disney style pace (action, song, conflict, song, resolution, song). Since the art and scenery were beautiful I didn’t always mind the excessive wide shots and slow pans, but some scenes were just a little too slow for me.

Another minor issue I had with this movie (as an American) was the lack of logic in how young witches are supposed to be trained. At the very beginning of the movie we learn that at thirteen years old all witches leave home for one year to train, but they do not seek out a mentor, rather they are meant to just go get a job. I understand this seems to be a trial by fire situation, but it seems like a terrible way to learn magic. I also didn’t like how her mother, who was also a witch and went through the same thing at thirteen could leave Kiki so unprepared for her training year. There were several trials Kiki encountered that could have been avoided if her mother had sat her down and taught her about the world and how to be a witch. Even a basic “Here is how I did it” conversation probably could have saved Kiki a lot of trouble. If every witch goes on this training year, then it seems like it would be pretty easy to prepare your own child for this kind of adventure. It didn’t sit well with me that this mother, who was shown to clearly love her daughter, would drop the ball so thoroughly on Kiki’s early training.

And finally, one thing that I loved and that also didn’t sit well with me was how nice everyone was to Kiki. I found myself wishing at many points throughout the movie that people in real life were that kind to strangers and people they didn’t understand. Kiki’s world is stunningly beautiful in its abundance of kindness, but I kept pulling myself out of the story with worry wondering when the other shoe was going to drop. Surely people couldn’t be this nice, of course this is too good to be true. This speaks more to the world I grew up in: that in a fantasy movie the hardest part for me to wrap my head around was that a thirteen-year-old girl from a small town could move to the city and meet wonderful people and the problems she faces aren’t of the predator/poverty/“you shouldn’t have talked to strangers” variety. Like sure, she can fly on a broom and her cat talks, but how in the world did she get an apartment that nice? It’s jarring, but in a wonderful way. It left me wishing the world was truly like that, but it also reminded me that a little kindness can go a long way.

Tldr; At the end of the day, this movie left me with a sense of joy and contentment that I don’t get from movies so much these days. It is a fun, beautiful story that I highly recommend to anyone in need of a little happiness.

~TideMod

#wehavethoughts!#wht!#kiki's delivery service #miyazaki #magic #witches #coming-of-age #studio ghibli #movie review #anime #review #tidemod

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ordinaryschmuck · 4 years

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What I thought about Adventure Time: Distant Lands-”BMO”

Salutations random people of the internet who probably won't read this. I am an Ordinary Shmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons. And today, I'm going to do one-fourth of what I do best by reviewing "BMO": The first hour-long special of Adventure Time: Distant Lands. Seeing how it's been a week since the special premiered, and that most fans saw it by now, I thought I'd share my thoughts on BMO. Keep in mind, if you haven't seen the special yet, you're final warning against spoilers stops here. Because I'll be spoiling the heck out of this special, by listings everything I like, and don't like. Things like characters, plot elements, and little touches that I thought were worth mentioning. Without further ado, let's start this review off by listing-

WHAT I LIKED

The Animation Quality: You know how Steven Universe: The Movie had animation quality that was ten percent better than the original series? That's basically what the animation in “BMO” is like. It's not the smoothest I've ever seen, and probably not the best Adventure Time has ever looked, but it's still pretty good. There's definitely more attention to detail, shading, and lighting to help make “BMO” look more cinematic than the series. There is one issue I have with the animation, though. But I'll get into that with the dislikes. For now, it's safe to say that the animation is still pretty darn good.

BMO (The Character, not the special): What can I say about this little rascal that hasn't been said already? BMO is still his adorable little self, and more so. There are times when his naivety can be kind of annoying, at least to me, but I'm sure BMO fans will love how he's presented in the special. Especially given the fact that this is the most active BMO has been in the entire series. Throughout most of Adventure Time, BMO has primarily been a source for comedy as well as a tool for characters to use. Even in episodes when BMO does save the day, it's either by accident or by him not understanding the situation. In "BMO," the little robot purposefully solves many problems, and fully understands the situation. The special still manages to keep his naivety by having BMO just not completely understanding how serious the problem is. Weirdly the writers found a perfect way to make BMO a more active role while not giving him a different personality. And personally speaking, the writers executed that idea well.

Y-5: This special may be about BMO, but Y-5 is the real star here. Y-5's personality, design, and overall arc as a character was so much fun and downright adorable to see. It was so surprising because I did not expect to like any new character introduced in Distant Lands. I just assumed that any newcomer would divert attention from the main character that the special would focus on. And while Y-5 does do that, I'm ok with it for three reasons. First, BMO is not a good character to work on his own. He actually needs characters that fully know what's going on for the plot to progress. Second, while Y-5 can hijack the story, sometimes, there are still segments that make it clear that "BMO" is about BMO. Third, Y-5 is already an incredible character, so I'm not going to waste time complaining about her inclusion. She plays the perfect straight man to BMO's antics, and it was so endearing to see her grow as a more confident character. So much so, that I actually consider Y-5 as one of my personal favorite characters. Not just in the special, but in the series overall. Also, I’m sure that there’s some symbolism behind her wanting to be called Y-5, but I’m not touching it. Mostly because I have no idea what I’m talking about in that regard.

The Comedy: There's not much to say here. The jokes are all worth a good chuckle but were never funnier than anything in the series as a whole. Except for that hard-cut to the elf looking angry as he drifts off into space. That was pretty hilarious.

The Drift: I love everything about the Drift. From its design to the background characters, and even the backgrounds themselves. Everything about the Drift just screams hard work and dedication from the cast and crew. It's almost as if everyone involved knew this would be the last time they would work on Adventure Time, so they just poured their hearts and souls into it. And given the fact that they worked so hard on the first special, makes me even more excited for the other three.

Martin returns...sort of: Let's be clear: It is understood by everyone that Mr. M is Martin Mertens. He has the same voice actor, the same mannerisms, and even the same body type. However, what I like isn't the fact that Martin returns. What I love is the fact that "BMO" never reveals that it's Martin. I'm sure some fans might be upset about not getting an official reveal, but I personally don't think it matters. Mostly because it doesn't matter to BMO. BMO doesn't know who Martin is, and has very little connection to the scumbag. So making a big reveal that Mr. M is Martin would just be unnecessary. Overall, I'm ok with the fact that the writers had Martin return to be nothing more than a glorified easter egg. Because honestly, it's what he deserved.

Hugo’s backstory: Again, there's nothing much to say here. It's yet another twist reveal about how a character who seems nice turns out to be quite the twat. There are two things worth mention, though. One, Hugo's personality stays the same. Look back at all Disney twist villains who become vastly different characters before and after the big twist. Compared to Hugo, he seems like a twist villain done right. Once you figured out that Mr. M is Martin, it should be pretty clear that Hugo's not a saint to be partnered up with the guy. Plus, when it's revealed Hugo really is, he still keeps up this charming persona that he uses around people...up until he ditches them like a twit. Another thing worth mentioning is the animation used for the flashback. Dedicated fans might remember that it was the same style used for "Water Park Prank," which might be the worst episode of the series. So it's nice to see the art style used for something good rather than something...not as good.

The solution to “save” the Drift: Most people use the special as an allegory for climate change. Which is why I put "save" in air-quotes because the citizens didn't really save anything. Similar to how we all play our part to save our planet. What the citizens do, though, is come up with solutions that might work as long as they have hope. And I. Freaking. LOVE that! The lesson that "BMO" is trying to teach is incredibly important, both to children and especially to adults. It's so easy to assume that the best solution is to abandon once it gets too hard and take the easy way out. Same as how some people believe it's better to just abandon this planet we call home, rather than put in the work to save it. And to those people: Let me ask you a question. Do you really think that you'll shoot off into space with the people planning to colonize another planet? Or do you think that those people are going to be like Hugo, who will only take along close friends and the rich? Personally, I think it's more likely going to be the latter. Which is why I adore the lesson being taught in "BMO." It might be hard to save the planet at this point, but it's still worth doing. And I can hope everyone else will come to agree with that conclusion.

WHAT I DISLIKED

Olive: I feel bad for saying I don't like Olive because the truth is that I'm more indifferent to them. To me, Olive feels less like a character and more like a plot device. This is because Olive has little to no personality, and all they do nothing but be something that furthers the plot. Although, I do like how Olive can stretch, as well as how they are overprotective over BMO. Other than that, there's not much to work off of.

Inconsistency with Character Designs: This was the problem I had with the animation. At times, characters are pretty inconsistent with how they're drawn. Some scenes, Y-5's eyes are large and cute, and other times they're normal-sized. There also times when BMO's height and width can be pretty inconsistent with what scene he's in. Now to be fair, this is nothing new to Adventure Time. It's a problem that the show has had for quite some time, and fans have come to accept it. However, just because you accept a problem doesn't make it any less of a problem. If anything, it makes it worse because the showrunners still refuse to fix it.

KS-2: Is it weird that the best character in "BMO" is the daughter of the worst character? Because to me, I don't understand how someone as amazing as Y-5 came from someone so rotten as KS-2. To be fair, I get what the writers were going for. They wanted to make a mother who was just another adult that "just doesn't understand." I can see that, but the problem is that the writers went too far with the idea. The way that KS-2 just constantly berates Y-5, as well as refusing to listen, comes off as too cruel. And the fact that the father pointed out how KS-2 never said the words "Y-5 was right," does nothing more than add fuel to the fire. But what's tricky is for all I know, this could have been the intention. And if it's true that the writers wanted to make KS-2 so unlikeable, then they more than succeeded. Although, I will give the crew credit for subverting gender norms by making KS-2 buff and the dad scrawny. I just wish that good intention was put into a good character.

The first chase scene in the Jungle Pod: This is mostly a nitpick, but it's still something that bothers me. Because having BMO getting chased away from his radio, to then have him end back where he originally was, felt like padding to me. Because why else would you have BMO go through all of that danger, only to have him end up at square one. Maybe the writers included the scene to build tension, but even if that's true, there could have been a better way to do it. Like while BMO's being chased, he somehow gets closer to his goal, rather than end up in a loop. And if the scene really was just for padding, then pad that time with literally anything else. Like maybe use the time to show KS-2's gentle side, or doing more to tease Hugo's true self. I know it would only be a few minutes, but actually make those minutes count for something.

It’s a Prequel?: After my initial viewing, my reaction to the ending was, "Oh, BMO found Finn and Jake's descendants." Then when actual smart people pointed out that "BMO" was a prequel, my reaction became "Oh, that makes way more sense." But then I started thinking about the fact that the special was a prequel, and the more I thought about it, the more holes I found. Or, at least, two holes that I found. First off, why does BMO have a heroic nature in this special? At first, I thought that maybe the years living with Finn and Jake taught BMO how to be a hero, but BMO hasn't met Finn yet. So I guess BMO felt like a heroic personality the entire time? Even though he never acted like this before in the series, unless he thought he was playing a game? Another thing I noticed is Martin's line about kids calling out their deadbeat parents. Why would he say that? Martin hasn't met Finn yet, either. Therefore Martin doesn't have the experience of being called a deadbeat parent. So does this mean that Martin has other children in the universe who calls him out on his crap? Or is it most likely that the writers wanted to give another clue that Mr. M was Martin, but briefly forgot the series timeline? I think it's most likely the latter, even though the former sounds way more interesting. And before people want to kill me because they actually love the story being a prequel, I want to point out, this is another nitpick. The fact that "BMO" is a prequel doesn't bother me too much, but I still can't help but feel confused when thinking about it.

As a whole, I give “BMO” an A-. BMO is as adorable as ever, Y-5 is an astounding character, I love the moral that the special is trying to teach, and the entire thing just screams effort. Is it perfect? No. Does it have problems? Yes, but not anything that makes me think the special was unwatchable. I enjoyed it, and something tells me that if you're an Adventure Time fan, you enjoy it too. "BMO" was a great introduction to Distant Lands, and here's hoping the other specials will be even better.

(And here’s also hoping that “Obsidian” will deliver that sweet, sweet Bubbline goodness that fans have been demanding for years.)

#adventure time distant lands #bmo #y-5 #adventure time distant lands spoilers #what i thought about

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minyoonkeeks · 5 years

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Late Night Maintenance // JJK

Pairing : JJK X Reader (F)

Genre: Smut/Fluff

Warnings : good old vanilla sex in all aspects, there's some oral and pretty much it. Nothing triggering (:

A/N: I know I said I was starting my new series, but my good friend who I originally wrote this fic for, finally read it. It's my first smut fic ever, and generally the second one I've even written. I've reread it and there are things I wish I could word better, but it's a growth process so I'm happy with it right now. Please let me know if you liked it (:

_________

"Yeah sure I can work with that schedule. Thank you so much for working with us, we will get the prompts out to you by the end of the week"

You quickly hung up the phone and organized your desk. It was you vacation getaway with your best friends from your hometown. All of you grew up together but when college started, you chose to stay and help out in the family travel business to get your photography started. It wasn't as big of a deal to you than to the other girls who wanted you to go with them, but it made your getaway trips legendary.

Hence why you were on your way, bolting to the airport to get on the first flight to Hong Kong. It was insane how quickly everything came together. Your best friend Lia's boyfriend Yoongi was on a special trip out during the time of your trip and was able to secure 3 more tickets for you, your other friend Becca and her boyfriend Hoseok. You only had 2 weeks to get everything ready and packed as much as you could for your week out in another country. To be honest, being at home started to feel stifling and you really wanted to see if your photography would get you anywhere else. It wasn't that you didn't love home, but it was obvious that nothing would happen if you stayed in your bubble.

So off you were, 1 week in Hong Kong with your best friends and all on their boyfriend's dime. It was odd, while Lia had Yoongi, Becca had Hoseok, and you weren't feeling any vibes from anyone. It didn't upset you, but you knew if you stayed any longer you'd end up marrying that creep from down the street who would stare at you whenever you made any trips out of your house. This was the perfect opportunity. You would see if your photography fared with any other artists, and just maybe you'd be able to get rid of some of those bad love juju vibes everyone said you had.

"C'mon don't be like that!" Becca yelled while she finished getting ready in the bathroom. "Yeah we can't have our annual dinner without you!" Lia whined as she hugged your leg, causing it to fall asleep from how hard she was grabbing at it. "I just feel a little off. I love the guys, I do, but I don't wanna be third wheeling. I promise, we'll go out together another time. Just take today and go be in love you babies." You sighed as you changed the channel on the TV. Quickly a hotel promotion popped up for a night in at Disney Hong Kong, courtesy of the swanky hotel concierge team since you were in a hotel suite. "Look I can go to Disney at night! You know I've always wanted to go see the castle, and it's special hours for us. See I have something to do, so get ready so I can be on my way!" You feigned enthusiasm so they could get the hint and leave you alone. You really didn't want to sit through 2 hours of making out on one end and cutesy talk on the other. It was bad enough on the plane ride having to sit through it while everyone gave you pity looks and to deal with it tonight would be a no thanks since tomorrow the boys were off to do their business venture and you'd be with just the girls. "Fine, but if we come back and you are still here watching netflix in your pajamas you are dead meat." Lia stared at you, you knew she meant business, especially when she wasn't getting what she wanted. There wasn't any getting out of it either. You weren't planning on going, but 10 minutes into your Strong Girl Bong Soon rerun you thought, why the hell not? There wasn't anything stopping you, and it was free. You changed into a long sleeve with your favorite overalls decided to grab your camera and go down to see what Disney was about.

The ride to the park was quiet. You really didn't think you'd be one of 3 people in the van going to late night Disney. It was Disney, you know? Happiest place on earth? But you guessed it was because it was almost midnight that you'd have most of the park to yourself. There was an older man driving who you counted as one because otherwise you'd have to acknowledge that you were sitting next to an incredibly good looking man. He wore black tshirt over some jeans and you could tell he wasn't really looking at anything, kind of like he was lost in his own mind. As you sat down, he jolted up and looked right at you, big brown doe eyes full of innocence. You face flushed, how couldn't it, when smiled at you and very cooley said, "Hi, don't mind me, please sit." You had just about choked on air from how beautiful he smiled after talking. And so you sat in silence, trying not to fidget too much, so he wouldn't notice your awkwardness. When you finally arrived, you realized just how alone you'd be. The massive entryway only had 1 lane open and there were no cars passing by to drop off or pick up non existent passengers.

"Don't worry, it's open." The ridiculously cute boy said as he looked at you, smiling a huge bunny smile. You couldn't help but notice him now. Tall, really tall, and although he was wearing a large shirt, you could clearly see defined muscles making your eyebrows lift up from the surprise, and hoping he didn't notice. But clearly he did as he smirked giving you your once over.

"Oh, and you know this how?" You asked, trying not to sound too out of control from how your brain wanted grab his arms as a reflex to see if he was really built because you hadn't had any decent sex in so long. He stared at you for a second, trying to gage whether you were teasing him, or you genuinely wanted to know. "Oh, I work here. I'm helping renovate the castle with my uncle since I had some time off this summer and he needed the extra help. Most of the guests don't come out at this time since I guess they like to sleep." He chuckled to himself and you made a face worthy of laughter. Was he messing with you? "Honestly, I only came to get the churros and head out, thanks" you scoffed. You chuckled under your breath as you saw his reaction, clearly not expecting you to bite back at his teasing, or lame attempt at it anyway. You walked past him and into the park ignoring his eyes as he looked right at you, smug smile from being defeated at his own game.

The park was beautiful. Lights and rides lit up, although none of them were running at this hour for safety reasons. It was ok since you came to take photos anyway. You took your camera out of its case and began taking photos. It was so relaxing, for the first time feeling like your photos were yours and not solely for the purpose of putting them on a travel ad. You loved your job, I mean it was your parents blood, sweat, and tears that went into it, but it wasn't yours. It was their dream. And being here now, taking photos and being carefree for a second made you realize what you were missing out on.

"Beautiful, right?" You heard his voice behind you. Almost as if he was so close you could feel his breath on you, and for a second you had to get a hold of yourself. "Yeah, it's definitely out of this world" you mentioned, trying to keep the ache in your pants from making you choke on your words. He ends up right next to you staring curiously as you gaze out at the landscape and it's enough to make you lose your breath.

"C'mon, I'm not on a time crunch, I can show you around if you'd like. My name's Jungkook by the way." He smiles at you and extends a hand. You take notice at how he squeezes a little too hard and it makes you think of how it'd be like for him to squeeze your thighs to let him in and you have to snap out of it. "I'm ______, sure I could go for some company."

As he's explaining the buildings while you're taking photos, you can't help but feel him looking at you from time to time and it makes your knees weak. If it was day time, it probably wouldn't have the same effect, but something about the lights and the fact that he kept getting closer to you made you think about how his arms would feel around your waist, or how his torso would feel around your legs.

"And here's my stop." You quickly broke out of your thoughts to look up at the dark castle. He notices how you startle to his voice and laughs a little. "Oh, I didn't realize it was so soon. Thanks Jungkook, this was fun" you mumble back, cheeks red from where your thoughts were leading you. He looks flushed and for a second he's biting on his lip, making yours do the same. "You want to come look inside? There's a few rooms that don't have access for regular customers, but I can show you if you promise not to tell anyone." He nudges you, and you feel his muscles through his shirt, yeah definitely ripped, you thought. "Sure, as long as you'll let me take a few photos, I mean not like you own the place" you laugh awkwardly and slap his shoulder. He winks at you as you both start walking towards the gate.

As you walk in you have a great sense of… nothing. Its blank, gray walls coating the inside of something so beautiful on the outside. You see the lights through stained glass illuminating your pathway and you wonder for a second where all the illusion went. Jungkook is walking slowly behind you and you fail to notice when he puts his hand on your waist as he guides you in the dark. As you reach his work destination you see it's quiet and completely alone, but you aren't nervous. "It's kind of weird huh? We're supposed to be adding a terrace and it's already there but we're waiting on the designers to finish their sketching to continue. We're supposed to meet them tomorrow. Here, let me show you." He takes you hand and laces his fingers between yours as he guides you up to the terrace.

You get there and he holds you by the waist to pick you up. As you look out and see the view you can't help but feel how rough his hands are on your waist. You turn and stare at him gauging if it's your imagination, or if he wants the same thing you do. You shake the thoughts out of your head walking towards the edge to take a closer look around the park. You take a few photos, noticing how Jungkook stands behind you, leaning against a post. It kind of makes you take a second to breath, feeling like he's staring at you and not at the scenery around him. "Come sit with me" he calls out to you, and as you turned you saw him laying a blanket down. " Since I work night shifts, I usually spend my time listening to music and sitting here. It's pretty calm, and I like hearing the way the wind carries over." He sounds happy and you smile as you walk over to him sitting next to him. He grabs your hand and holds it, and at first it startles you, but seeing his smile as he lays back a little you can't help but wonder if he would be like this all the time. If this was how he treated his special someone. You talked for what felt like hours about your home, your job, and you ambitions. He would smile occasionally and tell you about his life. He wasn't actually from Hong Kong, but just working while he figured out where he wanted to go or do. You admired him for that, being free enough to go anywhere and do what he wanted without falling into pressure. "Why don't you come with me next time? I'll probably go back home to Korea for a few months and then set out somewhere, anywhere. We'd have a lot of fun." He remarked and looked at you, big brown eyes full of interest. It was different, feeling like you were meant to meet him tonight, and although you'd never make a rash decision, you couldn't help but love the idea of hanging out with him, taking photos, and having fun. It seemed too good to be true but you didn't let that get in the way.

You stand up and pull on his arm to help him up, Jungkook towering over you. "Sure, maybe one day, you never know." You smile at him. He's warm and sweet and yet you can't quite place what he's thinking as he squeezes your fingers between his as he jumps off the terrace.

He pulls you down slightly and places his hand behind your neck bringing you down to his eye level. You could smell his musky scent and moaned a little too loudly into him and his soft eyes quickly turned into lust. He took your face into his and kissed you, at first with so much yearning, that you couldn't help but open your mouth to let him in. " I've been waiting all night to do that." He smiled as he let go for a quick second before attaching himself to you again. He brought you down and sat you on the edge to kiss you harder and longer. You opened your legs to let him slide his body in between yours and you gasped when you felt his hardness brush against you. "Mmm Kook, me too" you whispered. He took that as an opportunity to let his tongue slip inside you again and you only moaned louder into him, making him smirk. As he pulled away he watched you, with dark lust filled eyes, as he spoke roughly. "You really couldn't wear something a little more convenient huh?" He said as he watched you catch your breath and slowly unbuckle your overalls. "I didn't really think I'd be fucking a hot ass guy at a palace, did I?" You chuckled as he went to suck on your collarbone. He went slowly up your neck sucking and leaving love marks, as you moaned in anticipation for what was next. "I knew I was going to fuck you from the moment I saw you get on the van" he growled into your ear and nibbled, "Well then, fuck me please" was all you could say before he crashed his lips back onto yours.

His hands quickly trailed down your sides, along your breasts, making you hitch your breath. He squeezed at your nipples between the fabric of your bra causing you to moan out his name in pure ecstasy. He tugged on the ends of your shirt and you lifted up your hands to let him take it off. As he stood back for a second, you started feeling anxious, but the look on his face gave away any inhibitions about what you wanted to do to him. You unclipped your bra staring right at him as you slowly took it off, watching as he devoured your body with his eyes. "This really is the most magical place on earth. You're gorgeous, come here" he said walking back towards you.

He started kissing your lips slowly, leaving love bites down your neck and into your chest. Once he reached your breast, he kissed around reaching your nipple and sucking on it making you gush between your thighs. He looked up to lock eyes with you and trailed the other hand between your legs to feel your heat. "I think it's time we take these off don't you think?" Jungkook said as he moved to take off the rest of your clothes.

As they hit the floor, Jungkook's lips were back nibbling on your nipple as his hand made his way back to your mound. There was no denying how aroused you were when he felt your slickness soaking through your panties. "Mmm, feels like I could fit right in already huh?" He said as he moved your panties to the side and slid his fingers through your slit, making you moan in response. "I want to see you too" you said as you tugged off his shirt. You ran your fingers over his defined muscles and kissed along his shoulder blade, smooth skin hot and cold at the same time.

"Lay down for me" he whispered as he tugged your panties off. He lowered himself to your thighs, kissing along and leaving a trail of bite marks, claiming every bit of your body that he could. Once he reached your core he trailed his tongue up your slit, bringing more moans out of you. "You like that baby?" He whispered as he licked once more, this time circling your clit with his tongue. You grabbed the back of his head as a reflex, and it only made him hungrier for your juices. He groaned into your pussy lips to suck on your clit. "Mmm, you taste so good baby, I could do this all night." His voice sounding an octave lower and full of sex. All you could do was moan, hearing him call you baby made a fresh wave of arousal hit you. 'More, I need more" was all you could say as Jungkook slipped a finger into your aching cunt. Your walls clenched his fingers, happy for the intrusion as your juices coated his finger when he started fucking you with it. Your moans getting louder, and his assault on your clit, making you grind into his face. You could feel him moving his stance and looked over for a second to see him palming his erection, waiting to be released. It made you so much wetter knowing that he was enjoying this just as much as you. He noticed you looking and slid a second finger provoking another loud moan from you. "You're so tight baby, I need to make sure you're ready for me" he said as he scissored his fingers into you. "I want to see you" you said between moans, earning another groan from him as he fucked you with both fingers. He curled them inside of you, hitting your sweet spot and making you gasp loudly only making him harder. "Cum in my mouth baby and I'll give you whatever you want" he whispered into you and began fucking you harder. Hearing those words were enough and soon you were toppling over the edge, seeing white and groaning out his name "Fuck , Kook!" Was the only coherent thing coming out of your mouth as you came. He kissed your cunt, stood up, juices covering his mouth and chin, as he smiled seductively, leaving your aching pussy wanting more. "That was so hot," He took your hands and pulled you up so you were meeting his chest. "Show me how much you want me"

You lowered yourself off the terrace, knees wobbly from how you body reacted to Jungkook, and held onto his jeans. Slowly kissing down his toned torso you skimmed the lining of his jeans to reach the buttons. Undoing the clasp, you looked kissed him roughly as he moaned into you. You pulled his jeans down slowly along with his boxers releasing him from the constraints of the fabric. As you got on your knees you let out a huge sigh. He was big, bigger and thicker than you have ever had. "You like what you see baby?" He whispered bringing it down and stroking it in front of you, making your pussy ache from the sight. He has a slight curve and he was red with how hard he was, precum droplets coming out of the slit. It looked delicious and all you could think about was how he would feel fucking your mouth. You looked up at him, and he was holding his breath to see what you would do. You smirked and licked from his balls up to the tip of his cock, feeling him tremble under your touch. You licked the precum off, slowly engulfing him in your mouth. He groaned and gripped onto the edge of the terrace as you started to bob your head, licking around the tip to give.him a little more. "Fuck ____ you look gorgeous, so beautiful baby. Take my cock in all the way." He hissed as you licked around his cockhead once more. There was no way he would fit completely inside your mouth, but as you pumped your mouth on him he grabbed your head and began fucking you mercilessly. "Fuck _____ it feels so fucking good. Your mouth feels like it was made for me to fuck it" his thrusting getting more intense only made your arousal come back faster and soon you were rubbing your clit with the same speed as his mouth fucking. You pulled away fast, sucking and popping him out of your mouth when he started getting sloppy, knowing that he was going to cum.

"Baby, I need you in me." Was all you could say as he picks you up and throws you back on the terrace, placing his body right between you on the edge. You could feel his rock solid erection throbbing close to your core. "I Don't have protection, didn't really think I needed it tonight you know?" He says, hunger in his eyes. "It's fine, I have a thing, keeps the babies away, just fuck me already" you moaned back waiting to see what he'd do. He brought his face close up to yours and kissed you hard, hard enough for you not to notice him rubbing his dick against your slit. "Good, it'll just make the sex even better" he whispered and slammed his dick into you, giving you no time to prepare. "Fucking hell, oh shit" was all you could say as he cradled you in his arms fucking you as if he'd prepared al alongl. It stung, more than you thought it would, but hearing his grunts and moans only made you want him to fuck you harder, and soon all you could feel was the intense pleasure from his dick slapping against your cunt. He nibbled on your ear as you repeatedly told him to fuck you faster and harder, wrapping your legs around him and holding on. "You're so fucking tight baby, just like I imagined. Even better. I can't wait to --ugh-- fucking spill everything in you, on you, everywhere." He cursed as he railed into you. He placed his hand between you and started rubbing circles around your clit bringing screaming moans out of you. "Kook, fuck me harder, I need more." Was all you could say. He trusted into you one last time before holding himself as deep as he could, trying to catch his breath, and trying even harder not to cum inside you yet. He pulled out, leaving you empty for a second and climbed on the terrace, pulling you down on top of him.

"Ride me, I want to see you ride me" he said panting. You aligned yourself on his cock, your lips slowly taking the head of his cock in as he looked with full lust in his eyes. "This is fucking amazing, you're so fucking beautiful" he gulped as you took him in inch by inch, moaning into him and dropping down giving him a kiss. It wasn't rough, just sexual and intimate, and you moaned out his name slowly grinding against him. He grabbed your thighs, the rough sweaty texture of him making you clench around him even more as you slowly roll your hips against his. "You're gorgeous Kook, let me look at you" you softly tell him as you move his sweaty hair from his face making him blush. He makes his way to your breasts and squeezes them gently making soft whimpers from where he wants to fuck into you. You lower your body and he takes a nipple into his mouth slowly circling and biting the perky nub, "yeah, just like that" you whisper as your fucking goes from intense and rough to sensual and intimate as you get closer to your release. He brings your hips lower into him, feeling his cock reach areas you hadn't ever felt someone reach and making you wimper and fuck back into him harder. "Yeah just like that baby, make yourself feel good for me. -mmmm- I want to feel you cum on my cock" he groans in small broken sentences, getting sloppier by the second. It only turns you on even more to hear him talk like that so you're grinding onto him harder. You grab the nape of his neck and pull him up with you as you move your legs around his waist. It gives him access to start fucking harder into you, holding your hips down as you ride him, unable to control your moans. He kisses you, hungrily, as if he's asking for something, and soon you grab onto him, seeing white, and feeling the pressure snap and release into pure bliss. "Fuck ____ you look so beautiful cumming for me, don't stop." You hear him through your orgasm as you go in for a kiss. He takes it and moans as he releases into you, spilling his seed inside and coating your walls. He rides out his orgasm, leaving you sensitive and holding tightly to his back to steady yourself. "Wait, too much." You say, panting into his neck.

As you slowly stop he turns and looks at you, his face happy and smiling, unable to contain himself as he kisses you again. "That was way better than working tonight, " he jokes and soon you're both laughing into each other. You nudge him playfully and rest your head on his shoulder,leaning back to lay down over the terrace. He takes his shirt and drapes it over you, and you can't tell when, but you fall asleep.

When you wake up in the morning, groggy from your late night escapade you see Jungkook shuffling away and cleaning the area. "Here, we're late. My uncle and our associates are coming to look at our progress. I'm gonna need you to go out the back," he says as he hands you your clothes, pulling you up to get ready. You quickly put on everything and follow him out the back way. He looks at you, kind of like he wants to say something, but instead kisses your forehead. "What was that?" You chuckle, cheeks reddening from the sudden intimacy. "For making my job ten times better last night." He says laughing and pulling you into a quick hug. "Oh that? No problem, anytime" you say and you eyes widen at the comment clearly stupid enough to come out of your mouth. "Yeah, I'd like that. Here, take my number call me when you get a chance to go out. And I don't mean just to do last night, although, I'd like that too" he laughs as he's trying not to blush. "Thanks, I'll see you around." You tell him as you walk out and towards the gate of the park.

By the time you get back to the hotel, all you want to do is sleep on your warm bed and bask in the way it felt to be touched by Jungkook. You let out a huge sigh and plop down only to feel someone tugging at your legs. "_____ !! What are you doing?? Where have you been? Wake up, we have somewhere to go. I promise you'll like it. " Lia says as she's tugging at you. "I told you I was going out. Where are we going? You didn't mention anything before" you groaned as you kicked her legs away wanting to engulf yourself in the pillows. "Come on, it'll be fun I promise." Becca said as she turned the shower on and Lia dragged you into it. "Wear something cute we're going out to celebrate Yoongi and Hobi making cash! They got the contract and are taking us out!" "Ugh fine, only if you'll let me come back early. I'm tired." You sighed making your way to the restroom and getting ready against your better judgement.

Once you got out of the taxi you walked into the diner looking through your purse and bumping into something hard. "Sorry, I didn't mean to," you reply as Lia's pulling you back . "It's ok " you hear a voice say and suddenly your eyes open wide and you look up. "____ this is Jungkook, sorry about that bro, sometimes she gets lost her headspace" Yoongi mentioned as you looked bewildered at the scene before your eyes. "It's fine, hey ____ nice to meet you, I'm Jungkook" he smiles wide as you take his hand and blush unintentionally at the contact. Lia and Becca share glances and giggle telling the boys to go sit down so you could have a moment.

"What's going on" you say as you feel him tangle his fingers through yours. He gets close enough to not cause any suspicion but enough to put his hand around your waist and caress your side. " I didn't think it'd be appropriate to tell them I knew you as the girl who fucked me last night. Let's keep that between us, but…" he paused and got closer to your ear whispering, "this definitely makes things easier don't you think?"

#jk #jk x reader #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts jungguk #jeon jungguk #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #bts imagines

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cupofghostea · 4 years

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Day 1

I figure I’d just do an end of day summary about my progress with the games. These probably will be daily for now, but inevitably I’ll play other games some days, or no games at all, so more than likely that will slow down after awhile.

Anyway!

I started the KH 1 today! I’m really excited for the rest of the series... because this one is testing me lol.

The battle mechanics are.. oof. I’m used to games today that have really fluid and satisfying mechanics. So to go back to 2002 era gaming is always a shock (I had this issue with OOT,majoras mask and many other games as well. It’s not unique to KH) they just feel SO clunky, and I don’t feel that some of the attacks or the lock on technique were explained correctly. Or maybe...I might just not be a good gamer lmfaooo.

While we are on the technical talk, the platforming was driving me INSANE. I will get used to it, and I know it’s a game from 2002... so I expected this. However, it definitely makes the game play tedious as I already hate platforming in general.

What I do really like is the voice acting! It’s all really really solid which is so nice! I wish that when someone spoke and there’s no voice acting being used, that the character would make a like “hmm” or “huh” noise. Right now it just feels kind of lifeless and dull. When the VA is there tho it’s great!

I’m also a big fan of the level concepts so far. I’m a sucker for Disney anything if I’m being real, so its really fun to see the Disney stuff come in to play. I do think the level design is iffy, but I think that is due to the time the game came out, and the controls being frustrating.

I am not going to be super invested in the storyline knowing me, but I’m remaing hopeful that it will keep things interesting. Everything is so cryptic right now.

I got through the Wonderland world, but only with Chelsea’s help. The level was fine, and kind of cute! But the boss was impossible. I’m beginning to think that’s a common thing in this game.

I also like the hub world, it feels really fun to fly to and see what has changed, there are also fun puzzles to solve which I really enjoy. I just wish it wasn’t constantly full of the heartless. It makes it frustrating to get around when you need to.

So the story..... sora is not as whiny as I thought he’d be lol. He seems like he’s a decent main character and that’s honestly pretty important. Who wants to play a main character that is annoying lol.

Now his crew... hmmmm lol. Kairi or whatever her name is (sorry Fans of KH... don’t cringe when I mess up names) is annoying and sora can do much better.

But let’s talk about *checks notes* RIKO. Or w/e. I told Chelsea when we started that he would be a “sauske” of the game and uh???? Look who was right.

He will now be known as sauske going forward. This isn’t a joke.

Right now it’s hard to sum up what I feel because I’m getting started. I am 4 hours in tho so... Idk. I’m just hoping this game goes quick so I can get to the next ones that are (hopefully) better with their game mechanics!

#KKFplaysKH #kingdom hearts #sora #sora x riku #keyblade #magic kingdom #disney

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nadziejastar · 5 years

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Sora: Don't worry. I've got a friend out there who will help. He's always picking up the slack for me.

I think if it was pulled off well, and Isa was properly differentiated from Saïx, then I don't think most diehard fans would oppose it. Among the general KH fandom, the biggest obstacle in my opinion is that Saïx is extremely unlikable (deliberately so). We never got a big reveal showing how Isa was Norted, like we were supposed to. It's left to the realm of innuendo and subtext.

It's not like it wasn't obvious he was possessed, but it was never stated outright. Still, I thought it was very easy to see where they were going with Lea and Isa ever since BBS. Saïx was very nasty, yet Isa was Lea's best friend. You can just tell that they were originally planning to give Isa an extremely endearing personality, if he was supposed to make up for how bad Saïx was. I'm sure if his backstory was shown in detail, he'd be way more popular. Isa was done dirty.

Riku: Sora can find the brightest part of anything, and pull off miracles like there's nothing to it. It's pretty hard not to smile around him.

Huge Akuroku fans might not like it, but I doubt it would cause a huge backlash or anything. I mean, let's face it. There never was any canon support for that pairing anyways. People are still free to ship it if that's what they want, just like they did when Xion was created as the obvious object of Roxas's affections.

And simply put, yaoi pairings are the most popular ships in KH. So LeaIsa has that working in its favor. SoraRiku is the most popular ship overall, and Lea and Isa were actually pretty similar to them in BBS. Two boys with cute character designs, complementary opposite personalities, and who are really close? KH fans eat that stuff up. I wouldn't be surprised AT ALL if LeaIsa was conceptualized, in part, based on the popularity of SoraRiku. I personally think that Nomura wanted to move away from AkuRoku as much as possible due to the inappropriateness of it, so he tried to create an appealing alternative ship.

“That Genie we met seemed really worried about his friend Al,” Xion remarked eventually. “But then he said he’d respect his friend’s wishes. I guess you can’t just jump in and do everything for them, even if you want to.”

Idly swinging her legs, she took another bite.

Axel leaned his head to one side. “Your friend’s wishes, huh…” It feels like I have heard that before, a long time ago, when I was human.

IMO, LeaIsa is what SoRiku would have looked like if it was actually specifically written to be romantic in nature. Sora and Riku had a very strong bond and Riku was very protective of Sora, but it also had that competitive rivalry aspect.

“He worries too much. Thinks he has to help Sora do everything…” Axel grimaced in irritation.

“But, Axel, aren’t you the one worrying about Riku and Sora?” Naminé giggled softly.

“Me, worry? You think I need to be worried about those two?” He stretched backward and rocked the chair back and forth, like a restless child.

LeaIsa had no such thing. It seemed like it was going for a purely protective dynamic, with Lea wanting to step in and do everything for Isa because he constantly worried about him.

“Say something. Have you even thought that maybe I can’t erase Roxas?” Axel said, in a playful tone, and Saïx finally looked up. “It’ll be all right. Cause I’m tough.” Axel puffed out his chest.

“How stupid,” said Saïx, and for a moment he smiled.

Also, not only was Lea protective, he apparently liked to show off for Isa. I just can't read this interaction as anything but flirtatious. It reminds me of how Sora and Riku were showing off for Naminé about protecting her from a shooting star. No other male characters in KH interact this way with each other. And Isa was a shy and softspoken boy who only came out of his shell for Lea. If they managed to emphasize these characteristics and successfully carry them over to the adult version of LeaIsa, then I can't see any reason why it would not be widely supported. I imagine most shippers would find it very cute.

“Why are you talking to me? There are heaps of other people to talk to.”

“I don’t want to talk to rough old men,” Larxene clearly intoned.

“If that’s so—there’s Demyx, or Marluxia, who joined just before you did. And then there’s Zexion. There’s also Saïx, in a way—”

And I think that's exactly the direction Nomura wanted to take them: cute. It would be a surprising but charming twist, considering how rough Saïx was. And I think it's why he specifically gave Saïx a different character design. Axel is very attractive. He is youthful and kinda looks like he's wearing eyeliner, too, which is neat. He was always fangirl bait, basically. Saïx was handsome, but he was still originally made to look like a villain. More rough around the edges compared to Axel.

I have no doubt that Nomura wanted an adult Isa to look more like he did in BBS. That's how he looks in the illustrations that were made after he was changed into Axel's best friend. And I mean, Isa's design is definitely going to be a lot more appealing to most shippers than Saïx's original design. That was no doubt intentional. IMO, Isa was created specifically with shipping in mind. He was obviously designed to look distinctly feminine and pretty. Softer facial features, slimmer build, etc. He has even softer features than Riku, who is also a pretty boy and huge fangirl bait.

IMO, Isa is the single most feminine KH male. I think this was intentional and based on the Sun/Moon theme. Sun is masculine, moon is feminine. So, Isa was also intended to be yaoi fangirl bait, no question. He was meant to be a very cute character. Both in looks and personality. It's why he has the Bunnymoon Mystery Gear and why Axel's fondest memories involve ice cream. He even has cute clothing, like that jacket with the little moon on it. It's just...cute. Basically LeaIsa was going for an adult yaoi vibe. They eat ice cream, play frisbee, and act cute together, since they want to relive their childhood. Done properly, fangirls would eat it up, of that I have no doubt.

In general, there is huge support for same-sex pairings in anime things. Sure, there will always be some opposition, but I don't think it's really a huge issue in these types of niche fandoms which love slash and shipping in general. Look how much demand there was for gay romance options in Fire Emblem. Korrasami was the most popular ship in TLoK and actually became canon. It was warmly received in general.

And KH2 had a very bromantic ending with Sora and Riku. And the series skyrocketed in popularity after that game, so it obviously wasn't a huge turn-off for that many people in the KH fandom. Female KH fans tend to like yaoi and male KH fans are already playing a Disney JRPG with a bunch of pretty boy heroes. In my experience, most male KH fans online don't seem to mind gay characters or anything.

And you know, KH isn't really heavy on romance anyways. Friendship has always been the most prominent thing in Kingdom Hearts. That wouldn’t change. The most canon pairing is Sora/Kairi and all we see between them is paopu fruits and hand holding. Even if LeaIsa were unambiguously canon, I still think it would be depicted in a very subtle way. It's not like it would have to be shoved in everyone's face, or become a distraction.

IMO, Nomura originally intended for them to be an ambiguous (but heavily implied) gay pairing. If the series didn’t have so much corporate interference, it would have remained that way in KH3. They even kept Isa’s outfit the same. The little star and crescent pin that Isa wore in the epilogue is a sun and moon symbol. All the games were building up to Lea using the power of waking on Isa in KH3. 358/2 Days was able to imply that Axel/Lea loved Isa, and that was fine because it was a smaller release that flew under the radar.

Then suddenly in KH3 their relationship was not okay and had to be downplayed. I don't think that was a coincidence. KH3 had more than just the JRPG audience in mind. KH Days was a JRPG with Disney elements. KH3 was a Disney game with JRPG elements. Disney was a lot more strict with KH3 since it was a bigger title and had modern stuff like Toy Story and Frozen in it. Even if LeaIsa was ambiguous, who knows if Disney had any objections to it or not. They can be very conservative.

I think Square and/or Disney was definitely worried about casual fans disliking it. KH3 had a much stronger push to appeal to casual fans than any other game in the series. And let’s face it: a large percentage of people playing KH3 probably only played KH1 and KH2 (or it’s their first one). They didn’t play BBS or the “spin offs”. They don’t know Isa, they only know Saïx.

And I can see many of them disliking the ship if it became canon because of that. KH3 clearly wanted to keep things familiar to causal fans. Incorporating Lea and Isa’s REAL backstory into KH3 was not a priority. Familiarity was. So sadly, Lea had to go back to being Axel and Isa had to stay Saïx. Then there’s people who just play for the Disney aspects and don’t even like the story. They might not like it, either.

#leaisa

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pokimoko · 5 years

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STEVEN UNIVERSE: THE MOVIE - Personal Commentary

I wrote this to send to a friend, but I decided I might as well post it on here. I did a large portion of this while I was watching the movie, but I did go back and improve on some parts after I was finished, so forgive the inconsistent tenses. I apologise for the length as well, which is a result of me getting completely carried away and analysing a lot of the movie (I bet my English teachers are cheering). Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy my personal thoughts on the Steven Universe movie. (Also, spoilers if you haven’t already watched it.)

- The opening....wow. Not only is it pretty but it's just so dramatic. It reminds me quite a bit of old fashioned Disney musicals (I’m guessing that was their intention). Even the layout of the credits are giving me that vibe. But especially the music. Very fairytale-esque.

- 16 year old Steven, yeah booiii! Now he’s only a few years younger than me. I do like his older voice and design. Bet Zach Callison is relieved that he doesn't have to pitch his voice up high anymore. And I personally really love the pan flag colour scheme of his new outfit. I wonder if they’ll keep it for the season(s) following the movie.

- Aww, the Diamonds are learning. Sort of. They’re maybe just a tad clingy, but that's still improvement. I really love how Steven Universe never makes the 'villians' completely evil, only misguided, and that everyone is capable of changing their ways. Such a great message. (Edit: Ooohh, I unintentionally called what I'd say is the moral of the movie. Noice.)

- Naaww, Steven and Connie are so cute. Steven's happy little grin after the kiss was just adorable.

- Oooh, I like the 'Here We Are in the Future' (Edit: 'Happily Ever After') song. It just shows how much they've all grown over the course of the series. And it’s a great way to recap the journeys of each of the original Crystal Gems to the audience.

- "PEW PEW" Yeesss. I love their handshake. And oh my god, he really is so tall compared to Amethyst now.

- Oh my god, they're reenacting the running sequence from the opening. Love me a parallel. Just shows how far they’ve all come.

-Okay, why do the 'bad' guys in musicals always get such cool songs? Spinel's song was so catchy. Now I'm super curious about her relation to Pink Diamond. Oh cool! A scythe. That's awesome.....AH! Okay, nevermind. Nooo.

- 'Losing your powers' angst. I love it (yes, I know, I'm terrible).

- Greg: "Holy shhhhhheee really got everybody" Me: 😏 I see what you did there.

- Steven: "I have no idea what's going on." Greg: "Well now you know how I feel most of the time." Greg is so relatable sometimes. Kindly stop being my spirit animal, sir.

- AHHH! They've all been reset. Craaappp! And I was just going on about growth and everything! But I'm excited to see what happens because I love angst, god damn it. It always helps to make the happy ending all the more satisfying. (And...admittedly, the amnesia narrative device has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. I’ve always enjoyed how it allows you to so clearly see how a character has evolved over time and how much their experiences have defined their identity.)

- "Something is clearly wrong," Pearl sings happily and bug-eyed. Excellent and relatable. That's how I react to most things in life, honestly.

- "I could have lost all of my character development." Ha! Never subtle, are you Peridot? But also nooooo, not Peridot. Don't you dare touch her. She's grown so much and I love her dearly (and also Lapis' top notch dark humour. Perfect.)

- Sad song reprise is sad. I totally understand what Steven is feeling too. Things you’ve gotten so used to (hell, maybe even become dependent on for your emotional welbeing) can disappear so quickly that it can be quite a whiplash to have it gone, so it's completely normal to struggle to accept it, and to yearn for what you had not so long ago.

- Bismuth saying “We are the Crystal Gems” has watered my crops and cleared my skin. And I love her singing voice; the roughness in some parts suits her character so well.

- Rupphire Rupphire RUPPHIRE GAAAARRRNNNEEETTT, yiissss! Wow the fusion animation is really awesome. It's like a behind-the-scenes on how it works from their perspective. But I love how the two of them fusing together doesn't fix Garnet's memories or make her exactly how she was before losing them. Garnet isn't just an experience; she's also a product of her experiences.

- Lil' trumpet salute! Naww, Pearl, that's adorable.

- ....is Onion....immortal? He still looks exactly the same. 😟 I'm unnerved by that child and whatever power he had.

- Oooh, tap dancing. I love tap dancing! Even if Steven is wearing sandals while doing it. Oh boy, I love the friendship between Amethyst and Steven. It's always been one of my favourite things in the show. It's kind of like the sibling interaction I've always wished to have myself: supportive and wholesome. And I also love how their fusion shows that platonic and familial love is just as powerful as romantic love. Oh, YAY Amethyst is back! Like I said, friendship is a powerful thing.

- Oh my god, Steven and Greg are going to fuse. Ahhhh! Oh wow, it's basically Elvis with a six pack! Hehehe, so weird. But not bad either. And, oh wow, what a great song! Individuality is my kink.

- The ANGST is making me feel emotions. Steven looks so ragged, and the high pitched whining in his ears definitely added to that. And having felt that terrible myself a few times, I know how much it frigging sucks. And just like him I brushed other people's concerns off, so I'd be a hypocrite to tell him to take care of himself. (But I am a hypocrite. Take care of yourself, Steven!)

- Yep, here's the tragic backstory to make me sad about Spinel. Hit me where it hurts why don't you. Gosh, Pink Diamond really did some messed up things when she was younger (but thankfully she evolved from that and changed to become Steven). Leaving someone behind without giving them closure or even a reason would mess someone up for sure. You'd feel completely worthless. And unfortunately, being noticed for any reason⁠—good or bad⁠—is generally a way to cope with that feeling. Spinel is doing what she can to deal with what Pink did to her, and that unfortunately involves lashing out and hurting others.

- The 'True Kinda Love' song! Knew it'd turn up at one point. Knowing the context makes it so much better too. And hell yeah, Garnet is back!

- Blood? On this Christian Server? It's more likely than you think.

- “This is the story of my life.” Ahh! Steven's just a kid, and he's gone through so much. But, I gotta say, he is absolute proof that having a rough childhood and being a flawed person in the past (*cough* Pink Diamond *cough*) doesn't condemn you to being a wicked person forever. Anyone, regardless of their circumstances and experiences, can be a good person. Your early years don't define your identity or what will become of your future.

- Spinel: “When you change, you change for the better. When I change, I change for the worse. I used to be just not good, just not good enough for Pink. Now I'm not good at all!” Damn. That's powerful. Trauma can be such a difficult thing to overcome, and some people lose their way in their attempt to leave it behind. Sometimes, though, growing doesn't mean changing yourself and erasing the past; sometimes it means accepting the parts of your past that made you who you are now. Showing the importance of past experiences through the Crystal Gem's recovery of their identities is such a smart way of showing this concept to the audience. Such a great analogy. Now, let's hope Spinel can accept that though she has been changed as a result of her trauma, that doesn't make her ‘bad’ or unworthy of love (because that’s just not true!)

- “There's no such thing as happily ever after”. Sad but true. And also turning the whole Disney vibe the movie began with in on its head. Very smart.

- Steven: “I'll always have more work to do”. Then, Spinel: “I've got work to do. Friendship isn't going to be easy for me. I'm gonna have to work at it”. Exactly. That's how it is. ‘Happily ever after’ is a stagnant concept, and staying the same person for the rest of your life isn't healthy. And deciding to work towards improving yourself can sometimes be the hardest step to take when it comes to overcoming trauma. But change can be good; you should always keep working on improving yourself, no matter how comfortable you are with who you are and where you're at. Evolution is a part of living.

- Ooooh, White Diamond got sassy. She even has the hand gestures down. She’s making up for all the years she spent T-posing.Good for her.

- Oh my gosh, the focus on the Diamond's hands! Instead of destroying, their holding a hand out in a gesture of friendship. Seriously, that's frigging growth. That's such a cool parallel too. Rebecca Sugar and her crew are just brilliant.

- I'm so glad the Diamonds got someone to love and help them through their grief, and Spinel got someone to love her unconditionally, regardless of the flaws she thinks she has. They all got someone to help them heal. That’s wonderful.

- “I can make a change.” 👏Yes👏you👏can! That's your superpower.

Damn, that was so wonderful! I've always loved the message of personal growth, and the movie did it so well. In my opinion, Steven Universe has always been great at analogies to explain real life things (ie. Malachite being a metaphor for toxic relationships) so I really like how they used to amnesia narrative device to show not only how much someone can change and grow over time, but also to show it's our experiences, good and bad, that shape us as a person. Lots of people have traumatic experiences in their life that can inadvertantly shape a lot of their personality, and it can be hard to leave that behind, especially if so much of your identity is dependent on those experiences. Sometimes they can lead us to becoming ‘bad’ people, but they can also help make us good people too. Just look at Steven! He was able to accept his past traumas and use them so as to help others heal their own.

Trauma isn't something you can erase without erasing a large part of your identity. It can be tough to live with, nonetheless. Sometimes, like Spinel, you just need a helping hand in accepting the scars life has given you; to help you grow beyond it and maybe even eventually be able to help others who are going/have gone through similar experiences.

And there's no shame in trying to be better and failing over and over again. At least you are trying. Because trying to be good against all odds, against the whole world doing its best to destroy you, shows just how strong you really are.

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Sorry for getting flowery (and maybe just a tad projective). As you can see I just really like the moral of the movie, as well as pretty much every other aspect. I'm sure there's a lot of little intricacies I missed, but this is what I took from my first viewing of it. And these are just my opinions; you might have got a whole different vibe from the movie. You are completely welcome to add you own thoughts and improve upon mine (because I am by no means an expert).

So, to summarise my own thoughts on the movie, I’m just going to say: Personal growth for the win!

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demaury · 5 years

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Some kind of mistake (cha. 3)

Ever since Eliott first came across the new resident of the apartment 320, he made peace with the fact that Lucas ‘Big Blue Eyes’ Lallemant would, one way or another, turn his life upside down. Thing is, he hadn’t expected that Lucas’ wife and Lucas’ daughter would play a part in it. Because, you know, he didn’t know they existed until it was too late. (ao3 link)

When Friday rolled around, Eliott was still unable to make a choice on whether or not he should be freaking out about having Lucas over. It was one thing to wait for someone to give you the answer you wanted, but it was entirely something else to figure shit out about what you were expecting in the first place. They had met a handful of times, talked about as many, and it wasn’t because he had blue eyes and nice comebacks that he would suddenly decide they were meant to be. The best thing was to keep everything casual. Casual and under control. That was the plan, and he might add, a nice plan.

Which, naturally, flew out the window as soon as Lucas stepped in, Eliott’s parcel tucked under his arm, his baby-blue sweatshirt making his eyes pop and his dark skinny jeans fitting him in all the right places.

“Hey. Look what I got,” Lucas said, grinning, and it made Eliott’s insides twist in a way they weren’t supposed to. So much for keeping it casual.

The last hour had already been lost trying to deflect Idriss’ attempts to get him to come to Sofiane’s later in the evening, all the while hiding the fact that no, he didn’t want to come, yes, he had other plans, indeed it involved someone cute, and actually yes, he was usually mad at them for constantly ditching him.

At least his most recent purchase made for a good distraction. Eliott smiled back as Lucas handed him the parcel, with all the solemnity of a Holy Relic. “You mind if I open it now? I just want to check if there’s nothing wrong,” he asked as he made way for Lucas to step in and closed the door behind him.

Lucas nodded. “Sure. No problem.”

They both sat on the couch, and Eliott took the time to crack open two beers before opening the cardboard box — because he was polite, and that’s what polite people did. From time to time, he could see Lucas glancing around from the corner of his eye, when he thought Eliott wasn’t paying attention.

“And there she is,” Eliott drawled, pleased, when he finally got rid of the last protective package a couple of minutes later.

He straightened onto his seat, turning the object for Lucas to see.

“I bet it’s nice, but, like, what is it exactly?” Lucas enquired, frowning a bit.

“That’s a graphic tablet. You know, to sketch things and stuff,” Eliott explained, waving above the tablet as he talked. Lucas’ eyes followed his movements as if it was the most interesting thing in the world and it made him self-conscious all of a sudden. He cleared his throat, and started to put the tablet back into its package. “I’m a graphic designer,” he added, “we don’t really do the whole ‘sketching on paper’ thing anymore so, it’s, like, kind of a big deal.”

Lucas cocked an eyebrow and craned his neck to look behind his shoulder, above the backrest of the couch. “What about these?” he asked, pointing at a bunch of old sketches that were hanging on the wall.

Eliott followed his gesture. Maybe he should have tidy the place a little bit. Thing was, he had been so caught up into not making a big deal out of this (whatever that thing with Lucas was) that he had forgotten his apartment probably looked like a mess, for someone who had never been there before. Sofiane, Idriss and the others were all, more or less, used to seeing his drawings everywhere, even the old, quirky ones, back when he was drawing people as animals. It was something he had started doing when he was perhaps 13; it was a way of talking about his life, about his feelings, about others, without having anyone meddling in. It was like a coded diary. At worst it just made him weird, and he could live with that. It wasn’t like covering pages and pages of ‘I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay’, until his pen ran out of ink. It was more subtle, something people didn’t really pick up on like a red flag as soon as they laid their eyes on it.

“Old stuff. Things I used to draw back when I had more time,” Eliott waved.

“And this one? Yours too?” Lucas’ voice sounded intrigued, as he gestured at a framed drawing from the bottom of his beer bottle.

Eliott swallowed the sip he had just taken from his own and snorted. “I wish! C’mon, don’t tell me you don’t recognize him.”

The sketch showed a raccoon, climbing up a weeping willow branch. It seemed to confuse Lucas, who turned to him with a furrowed brow after a good minute of helplessly staring at the drawing. “Should I?”, he asked again, carefully.

“Wow,” Eliott deadpanned. “What happened to your basics? It’s Meeko.” There was a short silence and he cocked an eyebrow pointedly as he elaborated. “Disney. Pocahontas. Rings any bell?”

Lucas huffed a laugh and took another swing from his beer. “I was more of a Pokémon kind of guy, to be honest.” He smirked when Eliott let out a groan of protest. “Aren’t you a bit old for Disney anyway?”

Eliott’s eyes almost bulged and he shifted on the couch, turning his body a little bit more towards him. “First of all, no. Second of all, no. No one’s ever too old for Disney, otherwise humankind would disappear after a generation, because there wouldn’t be anyone to create new Disney content and kids would literally die from boredom.”

“Wow, okay, touchy subject, I see,” Lucas grinned, his eyes gleaming a little bit. “You seem really passionate about it.”

Eliott shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. Now that was a little bit embarrassing, because without having too much difficulty talking to new people, it wasn’t exactly his style to go off on a rant like that. Maybe Idriss and Sofiane were right, maybe he needed to meet new people, just enough to remember how basic interactions worked between civilized people.

“Well, it was kind of my dream, growing up,” he admitted.

“To be a native American princess?”

Eliott gave him a look and Lucas chuckled. “Given the chance, I’d pick Meeko anytime.”

Lucas hummed in response, and shifted on the couch as well, mirroring Eliott’s position. “I was never really much into the whole fairy tales thing to be honest,” he confessed, tracing the seams of the cushion. “I grew out of it pretty fast.”

“Someday,” Eliott said, somewhat quietly, “you’ll be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” The words had rolled off his tongue so naturally that he hadn’t thought it’d be weird for him to start speaking English in the middle of a conversion. Lucas looked up at him with a curious look, and he felt the need to add: “It’s a quote. From C.S. Lewis.”

“It’s a nice quote,” Lucas said.

Eliott didn’t really know what made his heartbeat rise up.

There was a moment where it was just the two of them looking at each other, and he couldn’t really bring himself to look away. He couldn’t prevent his eyes from tracing the lines of Lucas’ face, falling down to the mole at the corner of his mouth, then going back up to his eyes, looking so bright yet so dark. The flat was silent and the traffic down the street strangely quiet for a Friday night.

Maybe he should make a move.

Maybe.

The question answered itself when Lucas broke eye-contact, leaving Eliott to feel equally relieved and disappointed. He stared back at the framed picture of Meeko. “So is it like, an original?” he asked, voice a little rough. Eliott nodded. “How much did that cost you though?”

The atmosphere shifted to something lighter, and it was as though a weight was lifted off Eliott’s chest. He shook his head a little, laughing quietly. “A lot more than I could afford at the time. Trust me, you don’t want to know.” He leaned forward to set his empty beer bottle onto the coffee table. “If you consider that a grown man getting passionate about Disney is weird-”

Lucas gave him a small kick in the calf from his foot. “I never said that!”

“Alright, lame then.”

“That’s not true. It’s just- I don’t know,” he shook his head, huffing a little. “It’s kinda surprising.”

Surprising. It could be all good or all bad. There was no middle ground. But somehow, it didn’t sound like he was being judgmental, and Eliott didn’t feel like keeping up with that topic. A part of him didn’t want to find out whether or not Lucas had meant it the way he inexplicably wanted him to.

“What about you then?”, Eliott asked, cocking his head a little.

What kind of surprising things are you capable of, he almost added, but he restrained himself. It sounded weird. Embarrassingly obvious. As a grown-ass man he didn’t know why he still felt the way he used to feel when he was trying to tell his first girlfriend he liked her, back in middle school. Grown-ups should be capable of talking about their feelings, period.

On the other side of the couch, Lucas shrugged, shaking his head. “Oh, clearly, I don’t have the same level of passion,” he said, teasing, and Elliot tolled his eyes. “I’ve never really known what I wanted to do, and- well, things became a bit complicated in high school, so I started working right after graduating, you know, just to make ends meet.” He looked back up. “I used to work as a delivery man. Crazy job, if you ask me,” he commented before taking the last swing of his drink.

Eliott offered a small nod. “And what are you doing now?”

Lucas pulled a face. “I’m an accountant. Well, technically, I’m just an assistant. It’s boring but it pays rather well considering that the most I do is filling paperwork and sitting behind a screen.”

Eliott smiled. “I never pictured you as… Well, to be fair, I never pictured you as anything,” he confessed, and Lucas quirked a brow, looking mildly offended.

“And how do you think I’m surviving then?” he scoffed.

“Frankly? I thought you were a student on some Campus living off mommy and daddy’s money.”

There was a short pause and Lucas’ smile seemed to tighten a bit, but it lasted only a second — so quick that Eliott barely had time to process. He eventually let out a snort. “Well, you thought wrong.”

Eliott chuckled, then gestured at the beers from his chin. “Want another one?”

“Sure. Maybe you could show me a bit of what you do,” Lucas added as Eliott stood up and collected the empty bottles.

He glanced behind his shoulder with a cocked eyebrow. Okay, no. There was no way he was going to Sofiane’s tonight. There was also no way they both made it out through the evening with their clothes on.

The creature sitting on his couch had been specifically designed for him.

“Alright, let’s see about that then,” he said on his way to the kitchen.

Years of practice were paying off, at least he was nailing the casual tone. Literally the last thread his dignity was hanging off of. He grabbed two more beers in the fridge and walked back to the living room, only to find Lucas staring at his phone, typing away at light speed with his brows furrowed in concentration.

“Everything alright?”, he enquired after Lucas had hit the send button.

Lucas glanced up, eyes a bit wide. “I think I’ll have to go,” he winced, rubbing the back of his neck and Eliott’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I’m so sorry, it’s super rude.”

Eliott was still standing in the middle of the living room, the cold drinks in his hand. “Oh,” he said, taken aback. “No, it’s, uh- it’s fine. I just hope it’s nothing serious?”

Whoever had crashed this better have a good excuse for doing so, he almost added, but he bit it back, because he didn’t want Lucas to feel bad — or worse, embarrassed because it wasn’t technically a date. Lucas was already standing up from the couch, each step he took making it clearer and clearer that things were stopping there and then, no matter if Eliott foolishly, selfishly wanted him to stay.

“No one’s dying, at least I don’t think so,” he mumbled, making sure he wasn’t forgetting anything, and Eliott remembered that his hand was starting to freeze, so he put the beers down on the coffee table.

“I’m so sorry, really,” Lucas said again as he retreated towards the entrance.

“It’s fine. We can still meet another time,” Eliott said, trying so hard to erase the interrogative note in his voice. They would meet another time. That wasn’t a question.

Lucas nodded, twisting his mouth a little as he opened the front door. “Definitely.”

And with that he was gone.

“Eliott.”

Idriss’ voice startled him, making his face snap to the right. He was met with his friend’s quizzical stare. “Sorry, zoned out,” he mumbled, rubbing his eye.

He had ended up going to Sofiane’s, against all odds, and now that he was replaying his time spent with Lucas over and over again in his head, he was seriously starting to doubt the validity of his decision. He had yet to decide what felt more alien in his situation: the fact that he was now finding himself here, or the fact that Lucas coming over to his place had happened at all in the first place.

“I saw that,” Idriss rolled his eyes, nudging him in the shin. “What’s up with you? You’re always there, making us feel bad because we don’t hang out enough and when we’re together you zone out on us.”

Eliott shrugged, dismissive. “I just had a rough week, is all.” He stretched out his arms to make his point crossed, but all he got from it was a less-than-impressed look from Idriss.

“How many nights did you spend out this week though?” Before he could even answer, his friend twisted his upper body on his chair to glance at Sofiane, who was rummaging through the cupboards in the kitchen to bring out more snacks. “Sof, let’s start a bet.”

Eliott offered him his best glare in return. “None,” he bit back, “I had lots of work to do. You guys don’t have the monopoly of being overworked.”

“Yeah, right,” he snorted inelegantly, shrugging as he reached for his phone and scrolled through it.

Sofiane brought back a bunch of colorful packages and dropped them onto the coffee table. Because he hadn’t been raised by the wolves, Eliott instinctively reached for several of them and started emptying them in various bowls Sofiane had grabbed in the kitchen.

Eliott took his eyes away from his potato chips package and glanced up when Sofiane said, conversationally: “Are you seeing someone?”

He blinked a couple of times, stopping his task before spilling everything onto the carpet. “What?”, he blurted out, and all of a sudden, Idriss seemed way more interested by the conversation than his phone. “Where is this coming from exactly?”

Sofiane shrugged nonchalantly as he kept emptying whatever type of nuts was in the green package between his hands. “Well, it’s been a while since you dated anyone.”

“Dating someone and seeing someone are two different things,” Eliott objected.

“So you’re seeing someone,” Idriss chimed in, grabbing a handful of chips from the bowl Eliott was filling.

It earned him a slap on the hand and Eliott glared back when Idriss shot him a dark look of protest. “I never said that.”

“No but you’re drawing a line between the two,” Sofiane remarked, sitting next to him.

“Because there is a line.”

Idriss shook his head, stuffing his mouth with more chips as he spoke. “Sof, you agree with me, he’s seeing someone.”

“He’s seeing someone.”

“Oh fuck off,” Eliott protested rolling his eyes and slouching back against the backrest.

“C’mon,” Idriss said again, resting his elbows onto his knees. “Tell us who they are at least.”

Whoever said that you had achieved true friendship when you wanted to strangle your friend at least once a day had never found themselves in this kind of situation. He was usually pretty chill about most aspects of his life, particularly because dating wasn’t his priority and hadn’t been for a while, but whenever Idriss started to go on a rant about it like a man on a mission, Eliott wanted to strangle him at the very least once a minute. Sofiane looked a little more reserved, but he was staring with just the same intent as Idriss, and so Eliott ended up sighing heavily.

“My new neighbor,” he gritted. “We’re hanging out, there’s nothing more to say. We aren’t seeing each other, we aren’t dating each other. We’re just hanging out. That’s all.”

There was a terrifying minute where Sofiane and Idriss exchanged a look without saying anything — Eliott wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean, but damn he hated that —, then Idriss grabbed his phone again and after unlocking it with a swift movement of his thumb, asked without even looking up: “So, what’s Lucky Boy’s name?”

Eliott gave him a suspicious look. “Why do you care?”

“Instagram, duh.”

He huffed. “I’m not doing that! It’s cheating.”

“I thought everything was low-key,” Sofiane piped up nonchalantly, and Eliott glared at him.

“It is low-key,” he snapped. “I just don’t want to end up comparing myself to whoever he’s been dating in the past five years. You know it doesn’t sit well with me, and as my two best friends, I thought you had at least more delicacy than that.”

Idriss pursed his lips but set his phone down nonetheless. “Alright, if you think it’s best, then we will roll with that.”

“Thank you,” Eliott responded haughtily.

The worst part was that he had meant it. Instagram was cheating. Instagram was finding out about his center of interests all at once. Instagram was finding out about his favorite song in his most recent story. Instagram was about finding out about all the people he had dated in recent years. That kind of thing put too much pressure on him, and now that he knew his limits, it was easier to handle, or so he thought.

He was wrong.

Because the following morning, as he was coming back to his apartment complex after dragging himself out painfully early to buy some rolling tobacco, he found himself glancing absent-mindedly at the short brunette standing by the main entrance of their building, her hand nonchalantly resting on the handbrake of a stroller. The door swung open, and next thing Eliott knew, Lucas was there as well, chatting with the brunette.

It wasn’t strictly the fact they talked that made his pace falter and his stomach churn painfully.

The baby Lucas was carrying on his hip and smiling at, however, definitely was.

#skam france #elu fic #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury #mine #*#*skm

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