#I’m tired of living w and rely on people who say they care but then turn around and their actions tell a completely different story

[allthecastlesonclouds]

not to go crazy about these tags but you just simply must say more on the thistlesprings as italian i’m obsessed with that

I OF COURSE WILL I WILL PUT IT UNDER A CUT THO BC IT GOT LONG

i do mean italian american because that is what i know. and also slightly catholic italian american but. yeah.

alright so it did first strike me with the extended family. i do believe that the vision that the sphinx showed gorgug in the forest had some amount of truth to it– everyone else's did, and wilma and digby are very much the idea of "we don't need anybody but each other! :D"– and so, therefore, what's the reason the extended family isn't in wilma's and digby's lives? misguided kindness on both ends.

the thistlesprings (extended) have prejudice and boy howdy the italian grandparents i know. they try and they cook and they have their laws but also they have their beliefs. my (italian, catholic) grandmother called unitarian christianity a cult and tried to stop my (jewish) aunt from marrying my (catholic) uncle in front of a rabbi (that meme of "i consent" "i consent" "i don't!"). it's giving "all they know is wrong and they must change but you cannot change them without being hurt." We cannot accept people of other beliefs so you cannot let anything else in to prove us wrong, all under the paper-thin veil of wanting to protect.

and wilma and digby are such contradictions. they're so, so self-sacrificing, and yet they'll fight the whole world. they have a tank (wonder what happened to that lawn mower, actually...), for gods sake. they care so much about their boy but they also left their families at the drop of a hat? there simply must be more but also the self-sacrificing and yet horribly defensive... they are trying so hard because they know what they want and they are willing to do anything to get it but they would prefer to not fight extensively. but they do, because they over-corrected from their upbringing, and gorgug doesn't have the solidest of ground at home to rely on.

there's also just the gnomish/orcish culture mashup of focusing so much on food. i love food so much guys. you reach out and share those dishes with others– if you're having an event, you best bet you're getting up crack of dawn and making a multi-course meal that anyone and everyone can enjoy. the frosty fair folk festival being right up w+d's alley– of course it was, it was bonding. especially the as-homemade-as-we-can-get-it. never met an italian american who prefered canned sauce or preshredded cheese over homemade. that shit is as fresh as it gets.

there's also the dramatic family gatherings where everything goes wrong. why did gorgug see basically his entire extended family. i know that. the grandchildren are in the basement playing twister or some shit and the parents/grandparents/in-laws are Hashing Shit Out. there is a veil of politeness until 5 year old is gone and then it's a Shouting Match. gorgug saw "Digby and Wilma [are] having a fight with a lot of other gnomes. [He knows] that [he has] aunts and uncles and grandparents and stuff like that." that was Moonar Yulnear or some shit and stuff Went Down. Everyone was there. the cousins were in a tire swing or something but the extended family was there.

point 5b actually both sides of the family know each other. why do italian americans know either nobody or Everybody In Your Life and Their Life and The World Actually.

they just. they have so much (misguided) care and they mean so much to me. and do you think that any side has tried to reach out or has it just been years and years of blame game, of they'll never accept him and this is just how it is and how could they destroy themselves and how could they destroy something good. it all feels very italian american to me. homegrown experience gone sour because you want to thrive.

[fukozawa]

This is gonna be a vent post

I’m so fucking frustrated at every living situation I’m in i have to deal with a roommate who is almost impossible to communicate with bc their trauma response is to avoid accountability at all cost and become defensive when faced with any slight criticism.

My cousin is 4 months younger than me and is about to turn 25, has worked extremely hard for the job he has and all that yadada. Thing is though, I’m the only person in my family who actually moved away for a good while and lived Without the help of my family. Not saying I’m not extremely privileged to have had that opportunity even with the financial & mental strain, but it taught me a lot and i grew up and matured in a fuck ton of ways. Ways that my cousin has not, because he has lived at home with his parents his entire life. Not that theres anything wrong with that except for the fact he thinks hes fully self sustained and independent when he has no idea what being cut off from ur family is actually like. He has never had to clean his own messes or buy his own groceries, or keep up with regular household chores bc hes straight up a machista in denial, and its pissing me the fuck off. Even his sister was curious what its been like living with him and i tell her its been hell cuz he doesnt clean up after himself at all and uses weaponized incompetence like his life depends on it.

Not to mention the house we’re all staying in is my grandmas house who passed away last year and ive been doing my absolute fucking best to maintain the house and keep it super clean also cuz its a mexican house built before the 80s and needs a lot of cleaning maintenance.

Theres 4 of us in the house and 3 people are constantly cleaning up the mess left by 1 person. We’re fucking done and we’re gonna bring it up with him today cuz this has gotten out of hand.

The breaking point was the fact that he Knows how badly we need groceries. He is the only person with a car and we rely on him to pick up groceries. He typically gets off work at 3pm which gives plenty of time to do a quick run to the grocery store. And the day before yesterday he agreed to take us after he got off work. (Keep in mind we pay for the groceries and have offered to pay the little amount of gas it take to get there since its close by). But yesterday he gets home, we remind him that we need him to take us to the grocery store, he says he forgot and that he was gonna quickly get changed and we could go. We were sitting in the living room in our jackets and w shoes on for two whole fucking hours waiting for him to come back from his room but he never did. And when he finally did, he treated it like it was the worst thing in the world and told us he could take us the next day cuz hes off work.

Thing is tho, he drank the rest of MY coffee which i Heavily rely on cuz I’m an insomniac and also its been my ‘samefood’ and what i look forward to everyday is the afternoon peace of smoking a cig and drinking a cup of coffee. There was only a little left that i was saving and he ended up using all of it (as a result of which caused me to have a meltdown cuz i was already on edge) Which wouldve been totally fine if he actually took us to the grocery store like he said he would but nope. He also ate the last avocado that we bought for ourselves saying that he’ll take us to the store to get more and whaddayakno, never did. Like I’m sorry but as someone whos job required me to wake up at 6am, commute for 1.5hrs to work for 7hrs then spend 1.5hrs commuting home, id STILL stop by the grocery store after work if my roommates really needed me to.

But even when he is off work and the two times he took us to get groceries, the whole trip is spent with him on his phone where the only time he looks up from his screen is to grab the handful of items he wanted or ask us if we’re almost done. You could Feel his impatience at having to be inside a grocery store for more than 10 minutes it was palpable. Literally like a fucking child waiting on his parents when he is a full grown adult acting like spending more 30 minutes getting groceries is absolute hell.

Oh! Did i mention hes a pisces man 🥴

Anyways I’m so fucking tired of living with people i need to live on my own so fucking bad

[pvrpleblccd]

Promise.

pairing : shuntaro chishiya x f reader

tw : angst, unresolved grief, death, mentions of death, blood, violence (beating up someone), chishiya being violent

a/n : this is my first post- cndovn- but i am currently having a massive crush on this man right here <3 ALSO CHISHIYA GIVES ME MASSIVE KENMA VIBES (im sorry for the typos, i wrote this at 4 am-)

-

There he was again, sitting at the edge of the rooftop of the Beach, hoods on and hands in his white Nike zip up sweater, well, it was given to him. He looked down to see all of the horny animals dancing and living their life as if it was their last day. Chishiya sighed, ‘Everyone looks like their all about to die, as always.’

It was a beautiful day in this cruel country. But it’s just like any other day, people will die tonight, either because their visa will expire or die during a game. Dying in a game, probably the worst death here. Chishiya sighed again and took a deep breath, trying to erase all negativity going through his head. Though, there’s one thing that he can’t get out of his head.

“Hey, Chishiya.”

Chihsiya whipped his head to where he heard the voice. He was about to call her name, but he only saw Kuina at the door of the rooftop entrance, looking at Chishiya with a confused look. ‘Ah... I’m still hearing her voice, I must be crazy.’

“An told me you guys had a meeting, I’m just here to rely the message to you.”

The blonde male nodded and stood up, making his way to where Kuina was. No words were exchanged between the both of them, though Kuina noticed the slight mood change the male had every now and then. There are times where he’s cocky, would always slide comment when he had the chance, had his guard up, and times where he just became more reserved than ever and was cold and gloomy.

Kuina noticed, but never dared prying on it, not wanting to get on the intelligent man bad side.

Chishiya on the other side, he zipped up the white hoodie he loved very much. He entered the meeting room and sat at his place, like always, though he kept a pokerface while hugging the hoodie he was wearing. He felt several pair of eyes on him, not on him, but the zip up he was wearing. No one dared to say anything, though Niragi wasn’t having it.

“Chishiya. Were you really obligated to wear that zip up when we’re in a meeting?!”

Niragi shouted from his place, gripping hard the rifle he had in his hand. No one budge or said anything, even Hatter looked at Chishiya, both with envy and anger in his eyes.

“It was given to me. Why whouldn’t I wear it? If you’re thinking that we should share it, you, out of everyone in this room, that I don’t share what I own. And plus, if we shared it, you’d only get blood on it and dirty it, y/n managed to keep it white and as clean as possible. I won’t let your stupidity ruin it.”

“You wouldn’t know what y/n would have wanted!” Niragi stood up and pointed his rifle at the blonde male.

“I knew y/n longer than you.”

“We were still close!”

“To someone like you? I don’t think so, you’re a complete psycho, Niragi.”

“Give it a break! We’re all mourning Chishiya, espicially An! So what the hell do you mean, y/n-”

“Y/n is dead.” Last Boss said while looking at the arguing males.

The room was even more quiet than it ever was, not only with the statement, but for the bald tattooed male to speak up and empathized the dead made them slightly uncomfortable. With no one saying a thing for a minute or two, Mira stood up and talked about the card they were able to collect and that they haven’t gotten news ones for a while. An talked about the medical supplies and that she was running out from it, Hatter asked Aguni and his Militants to accompany An for a short run to grab all supplies they can gather.

She was the first one to leave, the meeting room which was understandable. When no one said anything, Hatter talked about adding a new rule. Rule number three, death to traitors.

Soon after, the meeting was done.

The blonde male made his way to his room, opening the door he saw a familiar figure sitting on his bed, when he blinked the figure was gone. Chishiya closed his room door and laid on his bed, looking at the ceiling. He never felt so confused and empty in his entire life. He never wanted to deal with anyone’s emotions or feelings, let alone his. But upon on thinking and thinking, he came to a conclusion he now only realized.

How much he loved y/n.

“Damn it. This hurts... This sucks.”

Too tired and exhausted to think, Chishiya closed his eyes and embraced the darkness that surrounded him.

“Chishiya?” A voice called out.

The blonde male turned his head, seeing a petite figure looking at him as if he was a ghost. He looked at her from head to toe and his eyes grew wide, he instantly got up and hugged the petite figure.

“Y/n?” He said in a weak voice.

The petite figure sighed in relief and hugged the male back, while letting out a small sob. They were currently in an abandonned mall, gathering food and necessities to get through the night. Y/n came back with a ton of canned food and water, while Chishiya came back with the others things they needed, such as flashlights and batteries and other things.

The both of them were catching up upon missed times and Chishiya kept eyeing on how she was dressed, grey sweatpants with a nike zip up and what looked like a swimsuit top, and the pink locker bracelet around y/n wrist. The numbers 009 was on the bracelet and the girl knew he was looking at it.

“What’s the most recent game you completed?” The petite girl asked.

“Six of diamonds, how about you?” Chishiya said, eating the canned peach. He didn’t noticed the slight spark in y/n’s eyes, but she smiled.

“Nine of hearts.” Y/n said and took a bite of her food.

A comfortable and peaceful silence was set between the two until the girl broke it.

“I want to take you somewhere.”

~

“Hatter, I want him to be part of the executives.”

Y/n said right after they all welcomed her back. All of them looked at her with confused and looked at Chishiya then back at y/n. The girl only smiled and put all of cards she collected on the table. Chishiya couldn’t believe the amount of cards she had in her possession, there was 14 cards in total.

“Chishiya cleared a diamonds game and is the lone survivor, I highly believe that his skills can be very useful to us. Also, I have known him before entering the Borderland. He is like a precious gem, full of hidden talents!”

She said while putting her hands in her grey sweatpants.

The blonde male was taken aback by the sudden praise, but dind’t show it. The others turned their attention to Chishiya, hearing the praise from y/n made them have a base opinion on Chishiya, he was smart and must not be harmed. Hatter started to explain the two rules to Chishiya and handed him a blue locker bracelet with the number 011 on it.

“Enjoy the Beach!”

~

After Chishiya settled in the Beach for a couple of weeks, he and y/n grew closer than they ever were before. The two of them became inseparable.

During one night, Chishiya and y/n were hanging out in the lobby, they were part of the first teams that finished early. Chishiya lost his other hoodie, blood was splattered on it, due to a player clung onto him begging him to help him and his collar went off.

In short words, he was currently shirtless. Y/n trying her best not to look, couldn’t help, but take a peek, thought the blonde male caught her.

“Like what you see?”

He said with a grin plastered on his face. Out of embarrassment, she took off her white Nike zip up and handed it to Chishiya, who watched her with an amused expression.

“H-here...! It’s yours now..!” She said and sprinted to elsewhere.

Chishiya sat there smiling at himself and decied to put the zip up on. He got up from his place and went off to find y/n. A part of him starting to worry, since it’s been an hour and he hasn’t found the petite girl yet. He passed the lobby at least three or four times, that’s when he started asking around.

With no one knowing where the girl was, he even asked Niragi, he too was worried so they both went on their sides to find her. Chishiya went outside and started to walk around the perimeter until he heard an oh so familiar voice coming form the sketchy alleyway.

“Were you hiding the cards from Hatter?”

“So what if I was?! I had to watch my friends die in front of me to be able to get this card! I’m not giving it to some cult leader or whatever he is!”

Chishiya rushed to the voices and saw one of the new militants holding three cards in his left hands and a gun in this right. Y/n tried to reason with the boy, but it only seemed to boil his blood even more, to the point he raised his gun. Chishiya ran to y/n side and hid her behind him, y/n on the other side was surprised.

“Put the gun down... You’re pointing it at the most important person apart from Hatter.” Chishiya tried calm the boy down, but didn’t work.

“Y/n... You remember Kirika? She was close to you right? Did you know that she gave her life up so that I can survive the game? Her last words were, ‘Tell y/n, thank you... I love you Aki-kun.’ She gave her life for me because she loved me!”

Aki broke down crying, falling on his knees and letting out pained screams. Y/n came forward tears falling down her cheek and approached Aki and gave him a hug. She careful put the gun down and caressed the top of Aki’s head.

“Kirika was a wonderful person, Aki, she was-“

Y/n sentence was cut abruptly and Chishiya took a step wondering why y/n suddenly stopped talking, he took another stop forward, his eyes widening seeing Aki’s hands was covered in blood and held a knife. He dropped the knife and moved his hand to grab the gun next to him.

“You’re all Hatter’s soldier. We have to end this, I have to end it.”

Aki grabbed the gun and slowly got up, hair covering his eyes. While Chishiya looked at how y/n’s body fell to the side and seeing a dark substance staining her grey sweatpants. A small pool of her own blood was starting to form underneath her.

Chishiya looked at Aki who was still mumbling things, but he saw red. The blonde grabbed the closest thing to him, which was a metal pipe, and ran towards Aki, hitting him with it, unable to stop himself.

Chishiya’s blood was boiling, he never felt so angered in his entire life. He kept on swining the pipe, hitting a part of Aki’s body every time. His vision was red, he couldn’t even hear the screams of his victim. What brought him back was Aguni taking off the metal pipe off of his hands. Chishiya’s face was unrecognizable, it was full of hatred, sadness, anger and disgust. Aguni never saw such expression on the male’s face before, he always looked so calm and preserved.

Something caught Chishiya off guard when he looked at Aguni. His eyes were red, as if he was holding himself back not to cry, that’s when he remembered y/n. He turned around to see An trying to stop the bleeding from y/n’s wound, but the blood was coming out and went through all of the amount of cloth that was put on it.

The blonde male rushed towards y/n’s side caressed her face while shaking his head. Tears fell on the girl’s cheek while Chishiya was telling y/n to stay with him. He soon looked at An and she was trying everything she could, all of the sudden, a small and tired voice caught his attention.

“S...shuntaro...? Ri-chan..?”

The blonde male whipped his head to look at y/n. She was smiling. Why was she smiling? She was dying, but she was still smiling. Chishiya tried to understand her, but couldn’t.

“S-spending my... last moments.. with the ones I love.. Shun... taro... I’m sorry... but pro..mise me... you’ll live, okay?”

“W..why are you saying sorry.. No. We both survive okay? Look... An... An will take care of you okay?”

Y/n turned weakly looked over the forsenic, who was doing her best to keep the petite girl alive. They made an eye contact, y/n let out a pained sigh while An shook her head. Y/n was trying to stay strong until the very end.

“Ri..chan... Thank you for everything... Take care... Big sis...”

At this point, An was crying too and shouted for other people to come help them. Y/n placed her bloodied hand on Chishiya’s cheek, wiping his tears away, he held her hand as she caressed him. She was so warm, he never knew she was this warm before. He didn’t wanted her to leave.

Just not yet.

“No.. No, you can’t leave.. Hang on okay y/n..? Help is... help is on the way.”

Y/n shook her head and let all of her tears fall, managing to give Chishiya one final smile.

“Shuntaro... I love you.”

At her words, y/n’s eyes closed and her hand went limp, landing on her body. When the other arrived, all of the executives looked at the scene before them. They were too late. An was crying, still holding on her little sister dead body, telling her to wake up and not to leave her. Chishiya sat there unable to move or say anything.

A pang of guilt hit two executives in particular and they slightly looked at each other and sighed, tears slowly coming in their vision. Aguni was behind them and his fist turned white, knowing y/n was the most important person in the Beach. She was the only one who kept Hatter in the sane side.

Niragi pushed the people aside and dropped his rifle, analyzing the dead girl’s feature. Y/n died with a smile on her face.

“She looks so peaceful.”

Chishiya woke up at the sound of the bell, indicating to gather in the lobby and group up, since the games were about to start. He felt something wet on his side and he looked at his pillow, it was wet. He touched his face and he shook his head, laying on his bed once again.

He cried. He was crying.

He looked at the ceiling and smiled sadly, clutching on his chest at the amount of pain he felt. The memory of her smiling to him was engraved in his mind and he wasn’t going to let it go.

“I never had the chance to tell you that I loved you too... I’m sorry.. I only now realized it..”

He stood up, wiping the tears off of his face, putting his shoes on and went to the lobby. He put his hood on and tucked his hands in the pockets, he analyzed everyone and he nodded to himself.

‘I will keep my promise.’

[otakusheep15]

SFW Alphabet - Diavolo

I love Dia with all my heart, so I thought it was finally time I made a post for him

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He is probably one of the more affectionate characters. Not many people are willing to get this close to him due to his status, so he is all over you the second you give him permission. His favorite form of affection is when you sit on his lap while he works. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Him as a best friend is a lot of fun. He’ll constantly sneak out of the castle just to hang out with you. He’d probably also wear those silly disguises so no one recognizes him. You two go all over the Devildom and he takes you where ever you’d like. In the end, you two usually get busted by Barb or Luci, but it’s always worth it.   

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cuddles are literally his love language. He’s always coming up behind you and lifting you up into a hug or dragging you off to his room just to cuddle in bed. Being the prince of literal Hell can be so tiring, so cuddles are exactly what he needs after a long day. And once you two get into bed, you’re never leaving again.  

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He knows that he can’t settle down, but he would love nothing more. Honestly, if it weren’t for his responsibilities, he would have already dragged you off to some secluded house in a forest somewhere to just live in peace. It’s also thanks to his status as prince that he doesn’t know any basic household chores. He cannot clean, and he can barely cook without burning down the whole kitchen. He’s had to rely on Barb and his other staff for so long, that he’s just never had to learn. He wants to, if only to impress you, but he never has the chance. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

I don’t think he’s ever even been in a relationship tbh, so he’s never had to break it off with someone. If he did have to, it would be bad. Like, I’m talking literal execution in front of everyone in the Devildom bad. He is a very patient demon who is very caring towards basically everyone. If he actually had to break it off, there would probably be blood. We don’t talk about it.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As prince, he does technically have to find a spouse, so he’s down to get married if you are. However, the whole point of getting married for him is so that his partner can carry his heir, so if you can’t get pregnant that might be a problem. Not with him, not at all, but more so with Devildom law and such. Afterall, he needs an heir, and he can’t let someone have it if he isn’t planning on marrying them. He’d still marry you regardless though, so there’s nothing to worry about there. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He is the gentlest giant you have ever seen in your whole life. He knows how big he is, and he knows how intimidating he can be, so he is very careful to make sure you know you can trust him. If he ever gets mad and feels like he might start yelling, he makes sure you are well out of range so that you don’t have to hear him. He also makes sure he never hugs you too hard or startles you without warning. He just wants to protect you, and that includes protecting you from himself if needed.  

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

A sucker for hugs, that’s what he is. It does not matter how, when, or where he hugs you, he just wants to, always and everywhere. If you’re in a place where he can’t out-right hug you, he has to be touching you somewhere. He’s lowkey possessive, so he loves any contact just to show others who you belong to. Hugs are just the best way to do that since they’re super obvious. And he also just loves you a lot and wants you to know. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He’d say it relatively fast. he’s not one to waste time or lead someone on, so if he knew he loved you, he’d say it. He wouldn’t even care if you don’t say it back, he just wants you to know how he feels about you. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He gets insanely jealous, but he’s always good at hiding it. With all of the public appearances and people he’s had to deal with, he’s become a master actor. Inside, he could be fuming with jealousy when someone so much as looks at you, but no one will even know. He just puts on his classic smile and ask you to go with him somewhere for some “business” you have to attend. In reality, he just wants to drag you away for some cuddles to remind him that you’re his and you love him above all else. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are usually rather soft cause he’s so afraid of accidentally hurting you in some way. They’re sweet and gentle, and so full of love. They don’t come as often since of how much he works, so that makes them all the better when they do. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He actually loves children, but they’re always so afraid of him. No kid would ever go up to him due to pure fear, so he never gets to interact with them. It really does make him quite sad since he would love to get to know the younger generation more, and he just finds them adorable. Maybe you can convince one (1) child to talk to him with the promise of candy after. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He has to wake up pretty early for work, but he always makes sure you’re still comfy before he leaves. If you wake up with him, he’ll talk to you about what his day will be like while getting dressed. If you’re still asleep, he tries his best to stay quiet as he gets ready. No matter of you’re awake or not, he makes you stay in bed and brings (read: makes Barb bring) you breakfast in bed. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He’s usually pretty tired by the end of the day, so he wants nothing more than to just pass out with you in his arms. However, he usually still has work to do even after dark, so he’s forced to stay up. During these times, he loves when you come over to him and just sit there while he works. That usually motivates him to finish up faster so that he can get cuddles. Once he hits that bed, it’s lights out for him. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He seems like he would be an open book, but he really isn’t. Trust me, he’d love to be as open with you as possible, but he can’t. There are so many things he has to keep hidden due to his role as prince. Plus, he doesn’t have much to share since he can’t really get out much to being with. He tells you as much as he can, but he always has to stop himself before he goes too far. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He is super patient. He’s always having to deal with less-than-ideal situations, so he’s built up a good amount of patience. Usually, he’s pretty chill, so when he snaps, it’s for a good reason. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Quite honestly, his head is already filled with so much, so he can sometimes forget things you tell him. That’s why he has Barb write stuff down about you so that he won’t forget. He keeps all of these facts in a journal in his room, and you have no idea. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He loves the first time you stayed over at the castle for the night. Not that time when everyone went over, but just when you came over. He was still busy with work at the time, and he loves how understanding you were about it. There was a short time where you left his room, and he was worried with how long you were gone. He was about to go look for you when you walk back in with some tea and snacks to help keep his energy up while he’s working. It was this moment when he knew he loved you. The fact that you cared this much for him really made him happy. 

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He is more protective than anyone else. The entire castle staff will be told numerous times over that their number one priority is now to protect you, much to the annoyance of Luci and Barb. He also makes sure to keep you close whenever you go out, and he’s always touching you somewhere. 

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He would only have the best for you. Every date you two go on will be the most romantic thing you’ve ever witnessed. He would only calm down if you mentioned you prefer more lowkey dates, in which he immediately apologizes for not asking you first. He still wants to make them the best dates possible, but he’ll try and calm down a bit. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He tends to overwork himself, often leaving you alone in favor of finishing his work. He also gets way too overprotective sometimes, even going so far as to drag you away the second he gets jealous. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Like Luci and Barb, he only really cares about his looks because he knows he has to keep up appearances. He has to make a good name for himself, and looking good certainly helps. Barb also constantly pressures him into taking better care of his looks when he starts slacking off. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

It honestly depends on how close you two are. He’s used to people leaving him because they can’t handle being so close to the prince, so he might not even care if you leave him too. It’s only if you two have gotten super close that he might feel something if you were to leave him. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Okay, so, this came completely out of nowhere, but I have always lowkey had a  headcanon that he and Barb were in a QPR before. (for those who don’t know, it means queer platonic relationship). Anyway, I have no clue where I got this idea from, but it just makes sense to me. They probably broke it off once he showed romantic interest in you, but I promise they were in a QPR at one point. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He wouldn’t like someone who would try and drag him away from his job. He wants someone who understands what it means to be the prince of the Devildom, and that includes them being aware of how much work he has and that he can’t just drop it all without planning even if he wants to

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He’s bog, even for demon standards, so he tends to take up a lot of room. Honestly, he’s the kinda person that would spread out across the whole bed without a single care for who else might be in it. Let’s just say, you’ve fallen out of bed several times because he accidentally pushed you out. 

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Can I have Present mic, Aizawa, and all might where they learn their young student is fatherless? Like... their father walked out/went to prison when they were young. I'm sorry if this is time consuming, but I can't stop sobbing over my father.

I'm the situation baby but remember it wasn't your fault

I changed it up a little bit with Mics- I hope you don't mind

Present Mic:

• from the getgo something was wrong

• The moment you walked into class he could tell

• You looked like shit

• Dark bags under your eyes, hair messily brushed, just to get it out if your face, and your eyes were a light red.

• You didn't look particularly happy to be there either

• something turns in his stomach, a gut feeling that something really had went down

• And he hated seeing his students upset

• but he was relatively close to you to begin with, his felt different

• He felt like he had to do something

• Everyone settled into their seats as the bull rung but his eyes remained on you

• You honestly didn't pay attention during the lesson

• He could tell as much

• class finishes and the bell rings but you sit still, and it's not until most of the students have trickled out of the room do you start packing up

• He walks over and kneels in front of the desk "You okay there? You don't look so good," he looks concerned and his heart drops when he sees your lip start to quiver

• It takes you 0.27 seconds to break and you're frantically wiping your eyes as sobs wrack your body

• He's got his arms wrapped around you in seconds and you're leaning into his shoulder.

• He isn't sure exactly how long you're crying for but eventually you calm down enough to get out a coherent sentence

• "My-My dad was arrested Friday night. He won't tell me why- he won't let anyone else tell me why and I don't know what else to do," you cry, "I miss him so much and its only been a few days- I don't- I don't have anyone else, Mr. Hazashi,"

• And you're crying again.

• He has you take the rest of the day off, in fact he takes the day with you

• He calls in a sub (you don't know what strings he had to pull for that but you don't ask, at this point you don't care) and you two dip

• He takes you to get food, real food, that'll make you feel better

• He knows that'll help a little

• and after that he takes you to get something sweet- that tends to help mood and blood pressure and anxiety

• So he does his best with you

• He nutures you the best way he knows how

• if you need anything and I mean ANYTHING this man has you covered

• He does his best to step up in any way he can

• first off he extends his assignment deadlines and cancels two tests. Who needs them anyway.

• And you eat lunch in his classroom because he can well tell you don't want to talk to anyone else right now

• He closes it off (seemingly) so in reality its just you and him

• He'll probably tell Aizawa too but on the downlow (just so he knows)

• When holidays roll around, the dorms close.

• In this case- he let's you stay with him. He has an extra bedroom. He doesn't want you to stay in an empty house.

• You also get his phone number (which you gladly use) for anything really

• Bored? He'll deliver some shitty puns.

• Confused about homework? Text him.

• having a mental breakdown? He's got you covered.

• You got memes? Please for the love of God send them to him.

• The dynamic eventually shifts to a VERY father daughter relationship.

• He knows he'll never replace your dad. He understands that wholeheartedly, but he wants you to have someone

• He actually gets a letter from your dad, thanking him for taking care of you

• but he really doesn't mind

Aizawa:

• He had a feeling that there was something going on at home. Or rather, a lack of something.

• He's dealt with it in the oast- with himself and with past students and current ones

• Shinsou

• I mean, aside from that fact whenever parents were mentioned, you'd either stiffen up or wrinkle your nose

• You didn't really like the subject of parents

• There was an essay prompt about parents (nothing too personal) nd you ended up writing it on the extinction of dinosaurs and why God fucked up instead

"It'd be absolutely stellar to see huge lizards roaming the earth and occasionally stepping on people, you know? Jurassic park was onto something."

• Man's couldn't even fail you on it because it was written v well

• Anyway, he doesn't pry too much. He just silently figures it out by process if elimination and pattern.

• He doesn't really care too much

• In the sense if it doesn't define you and he doesn't help you because he pities you

• he helps you because he seems potential

• He takes you under his wing with shinsou

• Yall spend a whole summer training

• And that's when it all came out

• It was an accident really.

• Shinsou was tired, exhausted really

• and when people get tired- that tired- sometimes they spout random shot they wouldn't usually say

• and thats what he did

• he went on about his home life

• and if he could, you could too right?? You could trust them.

• "My dad walked out when I was a kid. Little, like 3. I have a few pictures of him holding me, but I guess it wasn't enough. I don't have any desire to meet him. Not anymore. But it left me feeling like I did something wrong? I guess? Which I suppose is why I train. Because then I feel strong. Which is a good difference from how it usually feels."

• He knew it.

• He called it.

• He was right again.

• He reassures you that you are good enough, strong enough, and his decision to leave had nothing to do with you

• and when he saw you give him a soft smile, he warmed.

• I mean really, it only goes up from there

• he'll deny it, or grumble under his breath, but he seems you two as his own

• Like these aren't my kids but they are my kids

• When dorms close on holiday yall get to stay because that's where he lives too

• Like if you chose too

• he's not gonna force you to stay but if you don't want to go home, you don't have too

• He has that power

• He will buy you food

• all you gotta do is ask

• and he'll roll his eyes and grumble something he doesn't really mean, just secretly happy that you feel comfortable enough around him to ask for something

• lmao family group chat

S: 'Hey Mr. Aizawa I found this cat. Hold on lemme send a pic'

A: 'Dont need a pic. Bring him home'

Y: 'What if he's ugly??'

A: 'gremlin. Bring him home.'

Or

Y: 'Hey I saw this tweet that said 'kids be like watch this and do a half roundhouse spin kick clap and waste my fucking time' and it make me think of you.'

S: @ mr. Aizawa when he has to watch deku do sumn

Y: Lmaoooo like when he threw the baseball

S: LMAOO

A: Me watching you too try to figure out how to beat me in training

Y: Yikes bro

S: That was a rough one

• Does he regret giving you and shinsou his number??

• Maybe

• Not really

• Lmao super secret lunch movie days

• Every week on wendesday yall watch a movie. Usually it takes 2 or 3 days to watch the movie since lunch is only 70 minutes

• @ you accidently calling him dad one day and shinsou snickering but it stuck

• dadzawa lmaoo

Allmight:

• Man's has 2 underlings.

• You and Deku.

• Picked you up when he started teaching at UA

• Ion know let's say one day you popped off bc he said some dumb shit and you were like no sir that's clearly wrong

• schooled him in his own damn subject

• the other kids were like 😳

• what the fuck

• Anyway

• He see's you have potential

• And though he's not the best teacher, you seem to respond better to the way HE was taught

• So tbh its easier to teach you

• 'okay, now I want you to beat the shot out if that wall,'

'Okay lmao bet'

• Midoriya is like, hey mayhaps we should analyze the situation

• N ur like noe

• You just don't give a fuck

• about anything really

• other than moving up the ranks

• But even then- its not a super super big deal, you're just gonna do your best but you aren't gonna stress

• However he noticed a pattern w you (even before Midoryia brought it up to him)

• You don't let anyone in

• Midoryia knows a bit more than the other students but that's really only because he's always with you

• a good majority of the week he's w you

• but its not really a deep connection

• you don't rely on either of them

• You do your best to do things on your own.

• He knows midoryias life story

• he knows why he acts the way he does

• but he doesn't know why you do

• he has a gut feeling it could be the same as midoryia

• I mean he already had one kid who's dad dipped

• he'll surely be able to figure out you too??

• So he makes himself a promise that he'll figure it out and he'll become someone you trust

• And he does just that

• When you tell him about your nightmare of a family history he's like mm, makes sense

• but he's happy that you trust him!!!

• He's a BIG suckered for movie nights

• he's got popcorn, snacks, candy, chocolate, soda- he's prepared

• list of movies lined out all ready

• I lowkey feel like he'd be into lord of the rings or fast n furious

• fast n furious at LEAST

• He's really into American action movies

• and he has no problem sharing those movies with you

• he doesn't have a whole ton of money, like he's not rich, but if you or midoryia need something he's definitely there to get it for you

• even if ur like fam no you don't need too

• he'll buy yell food a lot

• a l o t

• and cards

• when you and midoryia get him a father's day card he thinks he's gonna cry

• You guys also have a group chat

• 'da faemilee'

• Y: "Hey dad do you have milk?"

A: "???? Do I have milk????"

Y: "ya I'm looking in your fridge n ion see any???"

A: "How'd you even get in????"

Y: "Izuku."

I: "lmaoo"

Or

Y: Izuku you dumb bitch I left for ONE day

Y: And you got into a fight with Bakugou

I: He wanted to throw hands. I just did what you would do.

A: He's got you there

Or

A: What do you guys want for dinner

I: Sushi

Y: Chicfila

Y: Izu square up

I: K

Or

Y: Izu is fighting kacchow again

A: Beat his ass young midoriya

Y: Lmaoooooo

[muichiroslover]

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Mikey stared at the box as its countdown was on 10 seconds

He waited impatiently as it counted down from 3 then 2 then finally one

And just as the sticky note said a click was heard as the box unlocked

Mitsuya locked his door as the box made a clicking sound, he looked at it and took a deep breath

Draken watched as the boxes countdown finished, he grabbed it and readied himself

Inside the boxes laid a bunch of photos and a letter to the corresponding boy

Mikey sighed as he stuck his hand in and looked at the photos of you and him as kids, smiling and laughing, even bathing together

He smiled and he grabbed the letter, he opened it and inside the letter were two papers, he took the first paper

Dear Mikey,

I’ve know you for a long time Mikey, and in my whole life never once have I regretted meeting you and becoming friends. We have been through thick and thin and it’s been hard for a while for you and I know that because it’s been hard for me as well. I know you’re sad and feel like you need to shoulder all the burden alone but know that there’s always people that you can rely on, me and the gang love you so much, I love you so much. Life is a thing that comes and goes and mine is the unfortunate one to be going this time, you know I don’t act without reason my friend. I love you so very much and thank you for everything, please create a new era for us Mikey, I believe you can do it and I’ll always be supporting and watching you ☻︎ ♡︎♡︎

Sincerely and loving,

Y/n <3

Mikey stared frozen at the letter as he flipped it around making sure he didn’t read it wrong, he grabbed the next paper with more urgency then the first

In that letter it explained your plan in detail from accepting Kisaki into your gang to you bringing him to a date to end both your lives, and the address to the restaurant you would do it at

He never jumped off his bed so fast and left the house

Mitsuya opened the box and smiled immediately upon seeing the photos, his childhood was a little wonky but those moments with you and gang really did make life a little easier back then

He sat down as he took out his letter, he opened it

Dear Mitsuya,

Mitsuya first I’d like to thank you, you’ve been there for me for as long as I could remember almost like an older brother, but I guess you would be used to that roll huh haha. I’ve never met someone as unique as you Mitsuya and that’s a good thing promise! Since a young age you’ve had the same aura and personality and that’s calming because things are changing so fast lately..we are losing friends and life is getting scarier but you, you were always like a safe place I could come to when I needed stability in this life and you never failed to do it, that’s why I appreciate you so much and why this may be the hardest one to write, tell Luna and Mana and your mom I love them so much, I wish I could come and eat a bowl of rice with you guys, I’m so hungry and tired, but soon I’ll be okay, and I hope you’re gonna be okay too Mitsuya, I love you ☻︎♡︎♡︎

Sincerely and loving,

Y/n <3

Mitsuya stared at the letter in surprise, but suddenly a wet drop falls onto the paper, he put his hand up to his cheek and to his surprise he was crying, he grabbed the other paper that had the plan on it and get got off his bed quickly as he rushed out the door leaving his siblings and mother confused

Draken open the box and grabbed the photos, he snorted “my hairstyle was so lame back then” he laughs as he takes his time to look through the pictures

He finally grabbed his letter and opened it

Dear Ken,

You crazy bastard. You and your stupid dragon tattoo, how am I supposed to insult you anymore? Life was never dull with you around, you always managed to make me smile and took care of me, I’m sorry for being another Mikey ahah! But I can’t tell you how much I will always appreciate all the times you’ve brought me take out when I studied too long or even patching me up when Baji was too dumb to lol, I don’t even know what to say, I’m crying as I write this and that probably alerted you like the overprotective friend you are, but I love that about you, you and your weird haircut, I love you so much Ken, please continue to smile. ☻︎♡︎♡︎

Sincerely and loving,

Y/n <3

Draken grit his teeth slightly as he grabbed the other letter reading over its contents quickly, he got up with haste

“Idiot y/n you better be fine or I sweat to-“ he says to himself as he rushed out his room

Simultaneously the three boys pulled up at the same time on their motorcycles and it seemed to click in all their heads what was happening

When they got there they already saw a fire truck and ambulance, they rushed over to see two body bags getting dragged out

The first one there was Draken

“W-wait, what happened?!” He asks one of the firefighters who turns around

“Two teenagers, burned to death in a sudden fire, an accident with the stoves gas blowing up trapping them in, a girl and boy” he says and their eyes widen

“Where-Where’s the girls body?” Mitsuya asks and the guy points at the first body bag, they rush over and begin to pull the zipper

Mitsuya gags as he turns away, Mikey falls to the ground while Draken couldn’t look away

There you laid, body burned almost beyond recognization, a beautiful black flammable dress on you

“Hey!” One of the ambulance people say coming over and closing the body bag back up, they roll you and Kisakis body away from the boys

“I-My last words to her they- I-“ Mikey says wide eyed as he lets his head fall down as the tears finally roll down his face

“I didn’t hug her one last time, I stormed out her house and left her...crying...she was probably in so much pain from doing this..” Draken whispers as he wobbles and staggers before falling to the ground

Mitsuya wiped his mouth from the vomit and turned around to see Kazuha sitting on one of the benches

“Isn’t that..?” He says as he gets up, when him and Kazuha make eye contact he sees Kazuhas tired and red eyes, proof of his crying

Kazuha got up and kneeled near the boys

“I-If only I was faster, I was right in front of the store as it blew up both the exits, I couldn’t get in, I only had to be 5 minutes faster and I could’ve saved her..” he says as his head falls to the concrete, all 4 boys cried together as the fire burned in the background

[yourgoldengirls]

Lonely

Pairing: Rick Grimes x F!Reader

Summary: After the fall of the prison, the reader finds herself alone with baby Judith mourning her family while trying to survive.

Warnings: angst, fluff

W/C: 3360

Ao3

A/N: Yes, I am writing this while there is a HUGE list of assignments that I am currently ignoring. Please enjoy my attempt of failing college. If you like it, please reblog and leave a comment. This is my first time writing fanfiction so I am open to criticism, but I am also a sucker for compliments. English is not my first language so if there is any mistakes please let me know.

--

She doesn’t remember ever feeling so lonely.

Of course, before all this she was always alone, living in her small apartment in the city and working in her cubicle.

But now, as she sits in an abandoned car in the middle of the desert road with the baby in her arms, she feels lonely.

Before, she didn’t know what was like to have a family, to care and rely on someone, to share your fears and joy and journey with people that care deeply about you.

So yes, before she was alone. But she wasn’t lonely. She wasn’t missing anything.

You can’t miss what you never had.

Now, while she is scare and hungry in the middle of the apocalypse holding an already asleep Judith, she feels lonely.

Now she misses her family.

She misses Carl’s laugh and jokes, and the way he would always come to her when he wanted to talk about his fears or when he wanted help to prank his father.

She misses Maggie and their late night talks in the guard tower while they were keeping watch (their apocalypse sleepover, as they like to call) when they would just pretend to be two friends in the normal world gossiping about the neighbors and boyfriends with Beth.

She misses Daryl and his shy demeanor, how he always would hunt for them even when they already had food enough as a way of showing he cares without having to say it.

She misses Glenn and his sweetness, the way he would always make sure she ate something before taking shifts clearing the fence. The way he took care of her as she was his little sister, since he found her in one of his runs back in Atlanta and toke her to the camp without questions.

She misses Michonne and her sass, they afternoon training and how she never lets anyone touch her katana but agreed in showing her how to use it.  

But most of all she misses Rick.

God, she misses him so much it hurts.

Their relationship was complicated at first.

Back in Atlanta, they became friends. When he showed up, she had already formed a strong bond with Carl, so it made sense she would also become close to his parents. Lori had always trusted her with Carl when she was not around (a.k.a in the woods screwing Shane) so the boy started seeing her as a source of comfort and protection.

When he was shot back in the farm, she was by his side every day, reading and playing games until he was strong enough to leave the room.

She held him when they found out about Sofia. Dried his tears when he cried at night. She was always with him while his parents were dealing with their broken marriage.

When they lost the farm and went back in the road, she would take care of him, giving him her food and coat at night. With Lori pregnant, Rick was always looking after her, giving her his food and making sure she and the baby wore the safest they could be in the apocalypse, with monsters everywhere, so she took upon her to worry about Carl.

Rick was constantly worried about the baby, starting to lose his mind trying to find a solution to keep everyone safe. But there is so much a man can do at the end of the world.  

So, one night when everybody was sleeping and he was up keeping watch, he broke down.

--

She was laying next to Carl, holding the boy, and trying to keep him warm the best she could. The others were already asleep, but she could never keep her eyes close these days. Always worried she would never open then again.

So when she heard sniffing noises she knew it was Rick, the only one awake besides her.

Carefully not to disturb the kid sleeping next to her, she stood up and when to sit next to him.

"Hey"

Rick look at her and gave her a small smile, too tired to try and hide his tears from her.

"Wanna talk about?"

He just kept looking at her and sigh. Looking at him up closely, she saw how exhausted he looked. He was thinner, his hair and beard were longer, and his eyes had dark circles around. She knew she didn’t look much better.

"I’m scared." he whispered so quietly that if she weren’t so close, she wouldn’t be able to hear it. "Everybody is counting on me and I just.. I don’t know what to do. I’m disappointing everyone."

In that moment she looked at him and she swore he never locked so small. So unsure of himself. The strong and forceful leader of the group was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, that’s not true. We all know that you are doing your best." she told him, eager to comfort him, to take him away from those demons that was starting to craw up on his shoulders.

"What do you do when your best is not good enough?" he asks her looking so lost, hoping that she had the answers to all his questions and could fix him somehow.

She then took his wands and forced him to turn and face her, to look her in the eyes, hoping that what she had to say next could penetrate his skin and comfort him best if he had all his attention fixed on her.

"We are going to be okay, Rick. As long as we are together, we are going to be okay. We’re going to figure it out. I promise."

He just looked at her and smile, squeezing her hand but didn’t let go.

"Plus, you are going to have another baby soon. Can’t go around losing all hope now, right?  If anything, we have to try harder." she tries to bring his mind in something to look forward to, something to keep going.

"Is not my baby." he says and she is more confuse than ever.

"What?"

"Is Shane’s baby." he says and his voice is so small that she thinks that she heard wrong, but the look in his face tells her she didn’t.

"Oh, Rick.."

She then takes his face in her hands and he cries harder, letting his face fall to her shoulders while she holds him.

She holds him until his tears dry, then his head movers from her shoulders to her lap and he closes his eyes while she plays with his hair until he falls asleep.

They found the prison two days later and he hugged her so hard she thought her ribs were going to break.

--

After that night, they became closer and closer. Like Carl, he starts to look for her when in need of comfort and reassurance. They would be constantly talking and making plans for update the prison, going on runs together and always having each other’s backs.

When Lori died giving birth, she didn’t allow herself to cry. The moment Maggie show up with the baby in her arms and Carl with that devastated look in his face, she knew she had to be strong for them. The tree of them.

So while Rick was grieving, she was taking care of his kids. Judith would be in her arms constantly and Carl was always on her toes. She notices that the boy was trying to hold back in front of everyone, so at night she would always bring the kids to her cell and hold a crying Carl while Judith was sleeping.

When Rick showed up looking like himself again, he came to her while she was feeding Judith. He sat besides her and watched the baby girl like she was some sort of angel in the middle of a battlefield. Too pure for this world. He then looked at her and she smiled at him and told him that it was going to be okay.

And he believed her.

After that it was natural that they would gravitate towards each other. She was taking care of his kids after all, and he was so lost that it was disorientating. The whole world was a blur, and she was the only thing keeping him grounded. She became his rock.

Every time he saw her talking with Carl, making sure he was eating, playing with him in at attempt of bringing him some sort of childhood, he felt like he could breath again. When she was holding Judith, feeding, and singing to her, he felt the ache in his chest decreasing.

Every time she would hug him, smile at him, or do anything as looking at his direction, he felt like she was the only thing holding his head above water, the only thing keeping him from drowning.

Piece by piece she collected him.

So it wasn’t a surprise when one day their hugs started to last longer, when the kisses on the cheek moved closer and closer to the mouth, when the gazes became silent conversations.

Everyone notice they pinning around each other but they knew that it was all that was going to be. Both too afraid and feeling too guilty to act on whatever was going on between them.

They needed to take things slow. It wasn’t fair to any of them to jump into something so soon after Lori’s death. It wasn’t fair to Lori, Rick, Carl. It wasn’t fair to her. So they needed time.

But that’s the thing with living in the end of the world. Time is a luxury. A privilege that you can’t really count on.

When the prison fell the only thing in her mind wore the kids. She couldn’t remember who had Judith, where Carl was, she couldn’t find anybody. She was starting to panic when she saw Judith placed on the baby chair on the floor, seconds from being eaten by a walker.

She quickly picked her up and ren as fast as she could. She ren so much until her legs started to give up. She didn’t have time to think about anything else. She just had to take her out of there.

Now she doesn’t know where she is. She doesn’t know how long is been since she left the prison. She doesn’t know if anybody else is alive, and if they are, she knew she will never find them again. She is scare and have no idea how she is gonna keep her and Judith safe.

Up until this moment, she been living from fruits and some cans she found in some abandoned cabins she crossed along the way. But she is getting weaker. She can’t really hunt without a proper weapon and a baby in her arms. She tried going in the city to scavenge some stores for food to Judith, but she was only able to collect a few things before the baby started crying and attracted walkers from every ware. After that she gave up on that idea and started looking for some place safe enough to spend a few days so she and Judith could have a proper rest.

She never allows herself to sleep when she stops to rest, afraid to wake up surrounded by walkers. So when Judith wakes up, she feeds her with the formula that is left and starts walking again. At this point she doesn’t even feel the pain in her legs anymore, is like her body is moving by himself, she is numb.

Judith seems to understand that something is wrong, never complaining, even when she is tired of being carried all the time, and when she is hungry she just pulls her hair, seeming to understand that making noises is too dangerous. Being a baby born in this world, Judith sems to have a different way of behaving that any other babies that she was ever seen. She is still to young to speak, but she makes the cute little noises as if she were trying to communicate, making the woman smile every time and pretend that she is understanding every “word”.

She is immersed in one of her conversations with Judith when she sees the sign. Stopping suddenly, she reads again and again, as if the words would change the minute she looked away and it would be all a projection of her imagination.

But it wasn’t.

So she starts running.

Even though she has her doubts about the existence of an actual sanctuary in this new world, she must check. Is the only scrum of hope after so long. And even if the said sanctuary exists, there is no guaranty that is run by good people. At this point, she has already learned to not trust the living.

So as she starts to get closer and closer to Terminus, she slows her pace not to dry attention before she has the opportunity to check the place.

But then suddenly there is an explosion and gun shots.

She holds Judith closer and tries to hide in a place that allows her to see what is happening but there is too much smoke, so she decides to stay there until is over. Even if there are good people in this place, there is not much help she can provide in this situation with a baby in her arms, and no gun. So she waits and waits until there is no more gun shots.

Judith is surprisingly calm during all this, so she decides is safe to get out of the hidden place and try to see what is going on. All kinds of things go though her mind as she walks towards a little commotion of people walking in direction of the woods, away from Terminus. She is mostly scare of crossing the way of bad people, but she has to see, the seed of hope never living her chest as she goes in direction of the first group of people that she encountered since the fall of the prison.

Maybe they are good people. Maybe they will welcome the lonely woman with the baby in her arms and offer her a place in their group. It will never be the same as being with her group, her family, but at least she would be safe, Judith would be safe.

Or maybe they are awful people and she is about to face another nightmare, another demonstration of what hell is like in the hands of the living, and all hope will be crushed again in front of her eyes.

Of all the things passing trough her mind, finding her family was definitely not one of them. Not once she thought that they wore alive and she would see them again.

At first, she thought that she was seeing things, maybe she was delirious. After all, how long can a person live without enough among of water, food and sleep and still expect to have a healthy function mind? She was going insane, that was definitely it.

But then she saw Daryl running towards Carol and everyone’s faces of surprise and relief and there was no way her mind could create that. Daryl running to hug someone? Not even her delirious mind could made that up.

She stood there paralyzed, trying to ground herself into believing that this was actually her family standing in front of her, when Judith cries draws everyone’s attention to her.

Next thing she knew Rick was running in her direction with Carl in his toes and she was being engulfed with the tightest hug she ever received in her life. Suddenly she was overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions and everything around her was Rick. The smells, the touches, she couldn’t see or think about anything that wasn’t him. After so many days, weeks (was it months? She stop counting so long ago) without knowing if he was dead, alive or something in between, she didn’t know which emotion was stronger. Relief, joy, surprise, love?

When Carl join them in the hug, she starts crying and they all fall to their knees on the ground. It was too much. Knowing that both kids were safe and in her arms was more than she could ever wish for. Her main goal during all this was to keep them safe, and to spend all this time in the road thinking that she had failed, that Carl was gone and she didn’t do anything about it was killing her more quickly than the lack of food or water ever could. Knowing now that he was alive was like receiving a tank of oxygen deep in the ocean, she could suddenly breath again.

When Rick pull back to look in her eyes her smile couldn’t be brighter.

"Sweetheart, is that you? Is it really you?"

When did she became sweetheart?  

He starts to caress her face and kiss her tears away with such tenderness that she starts crying even harder. He then smiles and takes Judith of her arms as Carl takes his place, hugging her like she was the last parachute in a plane crash.

"Oh, my baby.. I thought I lost you." she says in the most maternally way there is, while caressing the boy’s hair. "You are never leaving my side again."

The boy then laughs, and her smile grows because oh, how she missed that laugh, and everything falls into place.

"Yes, ma’am." the boy says full of joy and hints of laughs on his smile. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, honey." she says. "So very much."

They get up when the rest of the group starts to approach them, each member with smiles bigger than their faces, hugging her tighter than ever before.

Then Carl take Judith in his arms and Rick starts walking towards her again, holding her face with both hands and pressing their foreheads together. He closes his eyes and smiles before pressing a kiss in her lips and she is suddenly seeing stars.

Nothing could prepare her for this moment, not every novel she once read or the songs she used to listen. There was not one thing that was ever written about love that could describe this feeling. She wasn’t even sure if she could call it love.

It was stronger.

It was the kind of thing that would get you through anything, this feeling was the most powerful thing on earth, she was sure of that. With their mouths pressed against each other, she was sure that the only thing allowing her to breath was his lungs and his blood was only circling in his body due to her heartbeat.

They were one soul in two bodies.

She entangles her fingers in his messy hair and smiles in the middle on the kiss, making him smile as well as they break the kiss.

"I can’t believe this is real. You are here, and.. and Judith is here." he then looks at her with so much admiration in his eyes that she feels shy all the sudden. "You kept my daughter safe."

"Of course I did." she’s mine too.

"I guess I should have known." he than laughs. "You’ve been protecting my kids since day one. You are like the mama bear of the apocalypse."

She than laughs and shoves him playfully.

"I am not!"

"You are, you totally are." they laugh together as she shakes her head.

"He’s right, you totally are." Carl says and she is suddenly remained that they are not alone, and that he saw her kissing his father. But she doesn’t have time to be afraid of what he might think because when she looks at him, he has the biggest smile on his face.

Rick then takes her hand and kisses her knuckles; love is his eyes and she know that her face must mirror his.

"What now?" she asks him.

"Now.. we survive."

In that moment she knows she will never fell lonely again. She found her family, her kids, her love. She was home.

[zellerysworld]

hii! can I request levihan headcanons? loved the vets trio one,, thank youu♥️

Levihan Headcanons

[A/n: Hi, Thank you for being my first requester! I’m a huge fan of Levihan myself and I’m drafting a fanfiction for them. I really hope you like my headcanons about the ship! Thank you :) ]

If you’d like to see more of my content, my inbox is open for fanfic commissions and headcanon commissions. I love taking request so request whatever you’d like!

Contains Sexual themes.

Pictures not edited by me. Credit to the owners.

_________________________________

Levi Ackerman

Levi fucking a d o r e s Hanji.

Like he sits there and calls her names like shitty glasses and four eyes, but in reality he is screaming on the inside because he loves her eyes.

One time she didn’t wear her glasses at night and ran into a door. Levi showed his soft side for like 5 minutes because he actually got scared she hurt her head when she was just laughing about it

Usually when in public and she hurts herself, he acts unfazed. But in private he turns into a little mom-

But 9/10 when she actually does something stupid as fuck he seriously isn’t fazed anymore

When they take showers together, he really likes to wash her hair. He claims it’s satisfying because her hair is so soft.

Levi and her don’t sleep together much because they are always super busy, but when they do, Levi is a l w a y s the little spoon

But that’s okay because hange doesn’t mind being big spoon

One day he told her if she didn’t brush her teeth then he would never kiss her again and she got really upsetti spaghetti

But she did it anyways-

These guys FUCK LIKE RABBITS- like when I say they don’t stop; they just d o n t.

Like for some reason when they are together, it can go on for ages and they both still have fun

I mean yes they climax multiple times but these dudes just l o v e to fuck on another level that’s seriously scary

Levi lives for the fact Hanji is a switch-

One time Hanji slipped some weak whiskey into his tea, and Levi didn’t notice because he was too tired. He ended up plastered because he’s such a lightweight and she had to take care of him for the rest of the night

When they both get a day off together, they like to go for walks.

Hanji talks about Titans the entire time and Levi just sighs and listens

He doesn’t have much to talk about so he enjoys listening to her ramble forever.

Levi really appreciates the fact that Hanji is super intelligent. He himself isn’t too academically smart so being with someone who is that way is very refreshing to him.

He actually never dated anyone until meeting Hanji

Sometimes he fantasizes about marrying her to help him fall asleep/deal with his insomnia

When he sleeps with her, he sleeps like a rock and doesn’t get nightmares

He has definitely been cradled before by Hanji from having PTSD attacks

Hanji tries to make him tea but it never comes out good.

He still drinks it and pretends it’s the best tea he’s ever had-

But usually they are dead honest with each other. Hurting each other’s feelings in nearly impossible because they are both super sarcastic

Now that I think about it, their flirting would be through sarcasm

Loves to dance with Hanji to Classical music.

Levi relies on Hanji to spill tea about the drama going on with the kids in the survey corps

It’s literally how he knows everything about them- I mean yes he’s very intelligent in the matter of reading people but he’s a captain, he’s too busy to focus on them 24/7

But Hanji happens to figure out everything and blabber it all to him so it’s a win/win situation-

_________________________________

Hanji Zoë

Dear god does Hanji love this man

She thinks she started to fall for him when he walked away from her when she started to talk about Titans.

Why that of all things? Apparently to her that meant she got to “chase her prey”

I mean Hanji is slightly insane so it makes sense to me

anYWHO- Hanji has been through really bad relationships in her past so she was scared of falling for Levi

But Levi treats her really well in bed and out ;)

She actually trusts Levi more than anyone

Hanji really likes to message his hands for some reason

She claims they are soft like baby hands

Levi gets really annoyed when she says that-

One time she brought Levi breakfast in bed on his first day off in over a month and it made him almost cry

Like he was so happy that she did that-

Hanji is actually bad at cooking but she tries super hard. Levi knows this so he eats her food no matter how bad the taste is

Honestly they were a match made in heaven because of the fact he grew up in the underground so therefore he can stomach anything and everything with an unphased look. Including hanjis food

She has fantasized about Levi being a Titan shifter and wOW

Some nights Hanji cries because she constantly thinks and overthinks things like if Levi gets eaten

But Levi always finds her when she does cry (she goes and hides in a secret place like a closet) and holds her

So yes, he has held a crying Hanji in his lap while sitting in a closet

She tries to hide when she cries because she thinks if Levi sees she has a weak side then he won’t love her anymore like her ex’s did

Poor baby 🥺

But Levi comforts her nonetheless because of the times she has been there to comfort him

Her favorite drink is when Levi makes her Tea and puts a spoonful of honey in it.

There was a time when they both got sick and they had to take care of each other

When on her period and cramps are worse than usual, she forces Levi to carry her around like a kid

Levi goes out to the market and tries to find carrot cake for her before she even ask for it because he knows exactly what she likes.

As a prank she bought Levi the most expensive and nicest of cleaning supplies for his birthday...

But he didn’t think it was a prank and actually loved the gift-

She ended up pretending that it wasn’t a prank and saving his actual gift for some other time

Has a tiny plant growing in her office that she named after him

Levi doesn’t like that she named her plant after him and gets frustrated about it

So instead she pokes jabs at his name by calling the plant tiny-

Everytime they brawl/train together, after a few minutes of going back and forth she does some dirty trick to make him lose attention and it works

Hanji usually ends up on top but he’s starting to get used to her tricks now

But it always ends with them having a massive make out session so-

She actually taught Levi how to slow dance

_________________________________

Okay that’s all. I hope you liked it!

[sykilik101]

Yggdrasill

It’s not very long, and it’s probably not very good, but I had this idea for a dialogue-only little snippet, and I figured I might as well use it as a warm-up/practice bit, so hopefully my fellow Symphonia fans enjoy it a little.

“Colette, you’re still awake?”

“Oh, Lloyd! Yeah, I was just admiring the stars. They always look so pretty from your house!”

“You never get tired of star gazing, do you?”

“My grandmother always used to tell me that if I was ever worried, I should look to the stars. She said Martel would be watching over me, and I could rely on her for strength.”

“Are you worried about something?”

“No, I’m okay. It’s just, after everything that’s happened, I wanted to remind myself that they haven’t changed.”

“Yeah. We’ve done so much, and changed the whole world, but the night sky still looks as big as ever.”

“Uh-huh. …I’m sure Mithos would have liked this view.”

“You know, when you think about it, he lived for over 4,000 years. I bet he’d seen all of Sylvarant and Tethe’alla in his travels. He’d probably seen things we haven’t even discovered yet.”

“Yeah, but…I get the feeling he was lonely the whole time”

“What makes you say that?”

“When he tried taking over your body, and I pushed you out of the way, I felt like I understood where he was coming from. I don’t really remember much from when I was possessed, but I could tell he was lonely, and hurt. I could tell that he really loved and missed Martel. I’m sure he was a wonderful brother and cared deeply about her with all his heart.”

“It must've been hard for him, living all that time without her.”

“Mhm. He only thought about bringing her back, about the people who had hurt her, trying to find the right Chosen in order to resurrect her. I…I think it’s actually incredible to love someone for that long, always wanting to see them again. …he reminded me of you, Lloyd.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“Every time I’m in danger, or need to be rescued, you’re always there for me. I never doubt that you’ll be by my side when I need you. And…when Martel…when her spirit was inside me, I could tell she felt the same about Mithos.”

“I can understand why Mithos felt the way he did after everything he went through, but that doesn’t excuse what he tried to do.”

“No, you’re right. But it’s why I wish he could see this view with us. He could be with us, and he wouldn’t have to be alone. We could be his friends, and show him that the rest of the world doesn’t hate him.”

“That’s kind of the plan now, isn’t it?”

“Huh?”

“We’re collecting the Exspheres so there’ll never be any other victims, but we can also show everyone in the world that discriminating against each other won’t accomplish anything. Even if Mithos isn’t here, I really think that he’s left us with something, and we can change the world like he wanted to do, but in the right way.”

“...yeah, I think you’re right.”

“Mm. …it’s getting kind of late, so we should be heading to bed soon.”

“I’ll be inside in a little bit. I just want to see the stars a little more.”

“Don’t stay up too late, alright? We gotta be up bright and early.”

“Hehe, I don’t think I’ll have to worry about you waking up first.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be inside in a bit, I promise.”

“Alright, then. Good night, Colette.”

“Good night, Lloyd.”

[joonie-beanie]

Meet my OM! MC - Bean

Yes, she’s a self-insert MC. But that’s why I’m playing the game so lemme live aljkdaksdl;

Also! Check out this commission of Bean by @/frujiko !

Name: Bean (June is her real name, but they refer to her as Bean most of the time)

Height: 5′8 (173cm)

Age: 23

Sexuality: Bi

Likes:

Sweet foods

Peace and quiet (w/optional soft music playing)

Food that involves noodles

Steak (medium-rare)

Easy-to-play video games (Mario Kart, Smash Bros, etc)

Reading/writing smut

Thunderstorms

Open communication

Dislikes:

Anyone who says that cats are demons

Hot weather

Nail polish (on herself)

Chihuahuas (w/Luke as an exception)

Confrontation

Sudden, loud noises

People who lack patience

Ocular headaches (she only wears glasses when she has one)

Relationships with the Demon Brothers:

Lucifer:

Thinks he’s the most beautiful man in existence.

Is immediately attracted to him at first glance.

However, she’s also intimated by him, so she never goes out of her way to make a statement of her affections.

Lucifer embodies pride, which is the sin Bean lacks most (especially with regards to self-image)--hence why she’s intimidated of him at times. Despite him being kind to her, she feels like he’s in a different league.

Therefore, Bean does her best to treat him normally--trying to be someone he can rely on, and be proud of. (She really loves making him proud).

Lucifer, of course, is aware of the little wall she puts up when around him. Like there are thoughts on her mind that she doesn’t want him to know.

He respects her distance, at first, but eventually attempts to figure out what it is that’s causing her to treat him more distantly than his brothers (yes, it bothers him).

Aside from Bean’s complicated feelings for him, she’s always reminding Lucifer to take care of himself, and asking if she can do anything to help out. 

Since she loves to relax, she hates seeing Lucifer so busy all the time, so if anything, she’ll bring him a meal, or come and ask if he wants someone to make conversation with while he works. (He appreciates her greatly for these little acts of kindness).

Also, once Lucifer finally makes her walls crumble and elicits her true feelings, their relationship becomes more physical (sharing skinship like with his brothers, etc). And she is ESPECIALLY flustered by any show of affection from him.

He tends to use her real name 90% of the time, which she doesn’t have a problem with. (It makes their relationship feel just a little bit more special).

Mammon:

Bean thinks his stupid tsundere ass is cute and annoying all at the same time.

She’ll bully him a little bit, but will always follow up with affection, because she doesn’t want him to take her little jabs to heart.

Since Bean loves the casino, they end up being gambling buddies.

Unlike Mammon, however, Bean knows when to stop. Lucifer only allows Mammon to go to the casino with her 1. Because it’s the Devildom and he doesn’t want Bean going alone, and 2. Bean had promised him that she would make sure Mammon stops gambling once he reaches the end of his prepared budget.

Mammon feels comfortable talking to Bean when he’s not feeling the greatest. Or, rather, there’s no talking, but just him holding onto her tightly, or laying in her lap while she pets his hair.

Bean enjoys all forms of skinship, so she’s more than happy to give him cuddles, hugs, etc. The only time she gets annoyed is when Mammon interrupts her while she’s busy, or gets too clingy.

Overall, the two get along fairly well.

Levi:

Bean loves Levi.

She relates to him in a lot of ways--including being an introvert, and enjoying anime and video games. So, she tries to befriend him.

After the whole TSL incident--once things get worked out--Levi finally allows her into his life, and they become close quite fast.

While she doesn’t understand half the shit he’s talking about sometimes, she listens to him and supports his interests nonetheless.

At least once a week, Levi demands that she come over for a game night. Once his brothers pick up on the trend, they start showing up as well (which peeves Levi sometimes because he just wants to spend time with Bean).

Don’t tell him, but every so often, Bean will message the brothers who tend to show up (Beel, Belphie, Mammon), and ask them to not come to game night since “Levi is having me help with a dungeon run and wants peace and quiet”.

....he has never said that to her, but she knows he wants to have some alone time, and so does she, so Bean doesn’t feel bad making up a little white lie.

Also, she absolutely loves giving him affection. She honestly can’t explain her need to kiss him on the cheek, or hug him for a solid 10 seconds, but it happens fairly often once their relationship gets better.

Maybe it’s the way he blushes, and slowly begins returning all of her shows of affection? Yeah, that might be it.

Satan:

Their relationship revolves around literature, love of cats, and late night discussions.

Bean and Satan see each other as someone they can have a solid, intellectual conversation with, so sometimes they’ll show up at each others doors with a bottle of wine, and a topic in mind, and will rally the conversation back and forth until they’re too tired, or tipsy, to keep going.

Bean misses her cats back up in the human world, so Satan makes a point of taking her to cat cafes, or sending her stupid cat videos on Deviltube whenever he finds one.

Bean isn’t into classic literature like Satan, but once the demon finds out she enjoys writing, he becomes entirely too curious as to what, and eventually (after Satan wears on her enough), she admits that she writes smut.

Satan becomes her unintentional beta-reader, once she shares a piece with him, and he actually gives her very constructive feedback.

He promises to keep her dirty secret (hah) from his brothers, if she sends him what she considers to be her best stories so far (because he honestly does enjoy her writing).

At the end of the day, the two have a comfortable, friendly relationship, and really value each other. Simple forms of skinship between the two come as natural as breathing air.

Asmo:

Asmo is absolutely the self-care force in Bean’s life that she both needs and fears.

Despite his self-centered nature, he’ll be damned if he allows Bean to leave the Devildom feeling anything but confident in herself.

And so, in spite of the fact that in the beginning, Bean wants to run away from Asmo, eventually he manages to become someone that she feels she can confide in. Especially when it comes to her body-image issues.

She feels like such a burden when she’s having a bad day, but Asmo is more than happy to be there for her--whether she asks or not--and she really appreciates him for that.

She’s also more than happy to be Asmo’s doll to dress up, put make-up on, etc. and he loves her for that. Of course, he loves to do those things to himself, but it’s so much fun to have a willing subject.

The two also have a habit of giving gifts to each other. Bean gives Asmo a gift to thank him for his kindness towards her, and then suddenly they’re in a constant back and forth of never ending gift giving. (It’s honestly really sweet).

And when it comes to skinship, Asmo is very open--giving hugs, kisses, etc. And whenever Bean initiates skinship with him of her own accord, he honestly melts a little.

Beel:

BIG TEDDY BEAR. Oh, and food buddy.

Bean wants to cuddle with Beel literally whenever possible. She loves walking up and being able to hug him with her face pressed between his tiddies. Because she’s tall herself, knowing a big boy like Beel excites her so much.

And of course, Beel loves all of her hugs, and shows of affection. He accepts them all with a smile, and is more than happy to reciprocate.

One time, Beel picks Bean up during a hug, and she gasps. Beel immediately worries if he had hurt her, but she just says she’s not used to anyone being able to lift her up, and Beel then makes a point of lifting her   into hugs. He also gives her piggy back rides when appropriate, and her heart is so full for him. 

They also end up going out to eat together quite a lot. Beel wants to introduce her to all of his fave Devildom foods, and Bean happily goes along with him.

If there’s ever a day where Bean’s self-image isn’t the best, Beel will make sure she doesn’t skip any meals. And if she expresses the want to change her diet, or start an easy exercise routine, he’ll be more than happy to help her out.

The two tend to go on evening walks together--since it’s exercise done in good company--and Bean appreciates him a lot.

Overall, the two are very affectionate and casual in their relationship with one another.

Belphie:

Low energy pals.

Literally will lay in bed next to each other on their DDD’s, sharing memes, and talking about random shit.

Bean quickly becomes Belphie’s new favorite pillow once the whole stuck-in-the-attic chapter is done with, and their relationship improves.

She’s a little shy about it, but Belphie honestly loves her squish. Perfect for napping.

If Belphie finds Beel and Bean cuddling, or hugging, he will absolutely add himself into the equation with zero hesitation. 

Bean is someone that he can talk to without feeling judged, or like she’ll rat out his negative feelings to his brothers. 

He really appreciates her willingness to accept him despite how he’d manipulated her, and hurt her in the past. In turn, Bean hopes that she can continue to be a light in Belphie’s life, and that she can help him continue to grow and change (despite him being thousands of years older than her).

The two tend to hang out in the planetarium together frequently.

Also, Bean will wake up to random messages/memes from Belphie that he sent at an ungodly hour while the rest of them were busy sleeping (and she loves it).

If anyone has any questions about Bean, her relationships with the brothers, or other characters, how she would react in certain situations, etc -- please feel free to send me an ask about it!! 👉👈

SFW or NSFW topics are okay!

[fanmoose12]

Jean wiped the tears from his face, thinking if he had made the right choice after all. Remembering Magath’s arrogant and condescending expression or Reiner’s apologetic one, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

What was wrong with him, if he decided to risk his life to save the assholes like them? Why should he help those people, who hated and despised him, who called him a monster just because of his blood?

Maybe, Floch was right, Jean though bitterly. Maybe, he should have joined him and let all those people die. Then he would be safe, he would be free and… he would be guilty for the deaths of millions of innocents that had cost him his happiness.

“Goddamn it,” Jean whispered. “Goddamn it, Marco, sometimes I hate you,” a small grin appeared at his lips and a few tears escaped his eyes, as an image of his friend, smiling at him, came to Jean’s mind. “If it weren’t for you and your stupid words… I would have been the same old Jean… the same jerk, who didn’t care for anyone, but himself. But look at me now,” he chuckled, that sound mixing with his quiet sobs. “I’m going to fight another war, fight for the people I don’t even know. All of it is your fault,” despite the accusation, his voice was soft. “Oh, I miss you so much, Marco. Sometimes I think it would have been better, if you survived and I died in your place. You would have known what to do. You would have made the right choice, I’m sure.”

Jean took a shuddering breath, raising his head to look at the night sky. “Do you think I’m a good person, Marco?” he asked, his voice too loud in the quiet forest. “Do you think I can be called that, if I have doubts? If I still want to run and hide?”

Jean covered his eyes with his hand, taking another deep breath. All this pondering was pointless. He made his choice already. People were depending on him now. His friends were depending on him, Hange-san was depending on him. Even those fucking Marleyans were probably depending on his help as well. It was too late for doubts now.

Jean wiped his face with a sleeve, hoping that all sights of tears were gone. He would rather die than let anyone see him like that. Using tree as his support, he shakily got to his feet and dusted his coat. Then he started to walk back to their camp.

He hoped that everyone else was asleep. Someone asking why his eyes were so red was the last thing he needed right now.

But of course, because apparently the universe fucking hated him, as Jean neared the camp, he saw that someone was still sitting by the fire.

When she heard the quiet sound of leaves rustling under his feet, Hange turned to face him.

“Took you long enough,” she commented with a lopsided smile. “I was honestly starting to get worried.”

“What,” Jean took a sit next to his Commander. “Thought I was going to ditch you and join Yeagerists?”

“No,” Hange shook her head. “I never doubted you. But forests are quite dangerous at night.”

“After fighting with Titans, I don’t think it would be that hard to defeat a bear.”

Hange softly giggled. “Yeah, maybe, you’re right. By the way, I saved some stew for you,” she passed Jean a plate with a spoon. “Emotional breakdowns can be quite tiring.”

Accepting the stew, Jean smirked as he looked at Commander Hange. “Speaking from personal experience?”

She replied him with a smirk of her own. “That’s classified information. Commander’s secrets and all that.”

Jean gave a short laugh and then looked down to his plate, busying himself with eating the stew. As he ate, out of the corner of his eyes, Jean kept looking at Hange. She was absentmindedly stirring the ambers in the fire. There was a faraway look in her eyes, and she appeared to be deep in thought. Jean glanced slightly to his right and saw Captain Levi, resting beside her. From time to time, Hange also threw Captain a quick look, as though making sure that he was still here.

Jean suddenly felt sorry for his Commander. At least, he still had his friends and his mother, but Captain Levi was the only person Hange-san cared about. She had lost everyone else.

“Hange-san,” Jean lightly bumped against her shoulder, attracting her attention. “Have you ever…” he trailed off, feeling that his question was too personal and intrusive.

“Yeah?” she prompted, looking at him with a gentle look in her eye. “Have I ever what?”

Well, Jean started it, he may as well finish his question. “Have you ever wanted to escape? T-to leave all of this shit behind and just run away?”

Hange let out a short laugh, however that sound was devoid of any mirth. “I’ve been fighting this war for much longer than you, Jean,” she looked away from him, her eyes darting to Captain Levi’s still body. “I’ve suffered many losses and endured a lot of pain. I… of course, I’ve thought of leaving. More times than I can count. When Levi got injured, when I saw him, lying there in a pool of his own blood, the wreckage of that damned explosion surrounding him…” Hange’s voice shook slightly, but she continued, turning her gaze back to Jean and staring right at him. Making him see all of her pain. “That’s all I could think of. I wanted to run, I wanted to find a place to keep us, to keep him safe, and never leave it. But I couldn’t,” her lips curved into a sad smile. “I knew I had responsibility, one I couldn’t escape from. There are people, who still rely on me,” she paused, shaking her head. “For some idiotic reason you and your friends still believe in me. And… they… all of the friends that I’ve lost, all of the comrades, who sacrificed their lives for us to keep fighting, I can’t betray their trust. I can’t let their sacrifices be in vain.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Hange fixed the glasses on her face, putting on a cheerful, but obviously fake smile. “I’ve dumped all this onto you. It’s probably not something you’ve wanted to hear. Before an important battle, one that probably will decide the fate of our world, I don’t think you want to hear that your Commander was this close to giving up.”

“No,” Jean shook his head. “You’re wrong. I did need to hear it. I was thinking of the same thing. Right before you came to visit Mikasa and me, I was having the same doubts. I thought it would be better to accept Floch’s plan, to let Eren do his thing and… and continue living my life, safe and happy. But then… I remembered Sasha’s smile and Marco’s kind eyes…”

“Marco?” Hange interrupted, cocking her head to the side with a curious look in my face.

“Oh, of course, you didn’t get to know him,” Jean looked away from her, feeling his eyes fill with tears once more. “He was with us in 104th, but… he died in Trost.”

“I’m so sorry,” Hange lowered her head. “That’s the boy you’ve mentioned before, right? When you punched Reiner?”

“Yeah,” Jean nodded, looking at his bruised knuckles.

“That was a good punch.”

“Should have hit him harder,” Jean protested. “That Titan freak will regenerate anyway.”

“Mm, I was kind of envious of you,” Hange commented, a mischievous grin appearing on her lips. “You can’t imagine how much I wanted to punch Magath’s stupid face.”

Jean couldn’t help it – he burst out laughing. “Then why didn’t you?”

“Ah,” Hange sighed. “I’m afraid that’s one of the many cons to being a Commander. Now I can’t go around screaming at people or threatening them with violence.”

“Mm, I remember, you were quite wild back in your days.”

“That I w— Wait!” Hange glared at Jean. “Back in my days!? Am I that old?”

“Of course, not,” Jean put on his best suave smile. “I’ll be honest, Commander, if I was a bit older, I’d have the biggest of crushes on you. Although, I don’t think it would have been reciprocated – I am not Ackerman, after all.”

“And neither am I,” Hange replied, her eyes darting to Mikasa, who was sleeping not that far from them.

Jean’s cheeks flamed up, but he decided not to hide his embarrassment. “Am I that obvious?”

“Not really,” Hange shrugged. “But I am quite observant. Couldn’t become a Commander if I weren’t. And don’t worry,” she hugged Jean by the shoulder, her other hand coming to ruffle his hair. “You are still young. You still have time to win her over.”

Jean chuckled, a warm feeling spreading through him. “Thank you for that talk. I really needed it. And… maybe, I won’t get another chance, so I wanted to say something to you. I know you don’t believe it, but you are a great Commander. You’re doing everything you can, and, even though, we’re in the deepest shit we’ve ever been, I’m not afraid, because I know you’ll be the one to lead us. I… really respect you and I’m honored to serve under your command.”

“Jean…” Hange swiftly pressed him to her chest, squeezing him tightly in her embrace. “Thank you,” she said with feeling. “It means a lot.”

Jean wanted to wave her off, to tell her that it’s nothing but the truth, but he was interrupted, when they heard a quiet grunting behind.

“I’m sorry,” Hange shot him an apologetic look. “It seems like my patient needs me. You should go and rest, by the way. Who knows when we’ll get the chance to do it next time.”

“Yeah, alright. Good night, Hange-san.”

She nodded and giving him one last smile, she turned to Captain Levi.

Jean searched for the spare sleeping bag, and when he found it, he lay down, closing his eyes. However, it didn’t seem like sleep was going to come easily to him. So he opened his eyes again, and watched Commander Hange and Captain Levi.

“Are you feeling any better?” Hange asked, starting to slowly and carefully unwrap Levi’s bandages.

“Not really,” he grumbled in reply. “How were negotiations? Had any success?”

“Not really,”Hange hummed. “But they’ve agreed to help and that’s all we really need from them. I wasn’t planning on becoming friends anyway. Now, come on,” she gently lifted Levi up, until he was half-sitting. “Let’s get you something to eat.”

As Jean continued to watch Hange and Levi out of the corner of his eyes, an image suddenly appeared in his mind.

He saw a small, but cozy cottage somewhere deep in the forest. Captain Levi is sitting on a porch, rocking in a chair with a cup of steaming tea in his hands. There is a small, but happy smile on his lips, as his eyes are focused on Hange-san, who was playing with two puppies or, maybe, she was chasing a couple of black-haired kids with big brown eyes? After finishing his tea, Captain Levi slowly gets to his feet and puts the cup down. He makes his way towards Hange-san, kissing her on the lips and taking her by the hand. He joins in on her fun, that same smile never leaving his lips and Hange-san’s laughter ringing through the woods.

And maybe— maybe, Jean will get to visit them. Maybe, if he’s extremely, extremely lucky, he won’t come all by himself. Maybe, a certain Ackerman will visit their superiors with him. And maybe, if Jean will become the luckiest man in this world, Mikasa will be holding a beautiful dark-haired girl by the hand, while Jean will be carrying a small boy in his arms.

Suddenly, and quite unfortunately, Jean’s fantasies were disturbed. A quite chuckle brought Jean back to Earth. As he turned around, meaning to send that person a mean glare, his eyes widened. Behind him was Mikasa. There was a soft, small smile on her lips as she watched Commander Hange and Captain Levi. As she saw that Jean was looking at her, her smile became bigger and her cheeks reddened ever so slightly.

Jean felt his own lips curving into a smile, as he gazed at Mikasa’s face.

He felt hope blossom inside his chest as his remembered Hange-san’s words. They were young. And even if their world had come to shit, maybe, they still had future.

And maybe, if he’s extremely lucky, Jean won’t be spending his future alone.

[eurydicees]

tamakyoharu post-canon comfort/cuddling after a long day of work? >w>;;

gonna be honest, i totally forgot that my requests are open and so i saw this ask and was just like? this isn’t a question but i agree? tamakyoharu cuddling. good stuff right there. anyways then i remembered i’m supposed to be writing things, i hope you enjoy <3 

just hold me, tonight

summary: after a long day of studying for the bar exam, haruhi comes home. tamaki and kyoya are waiting for her. 

pairings: tamaki suoh/kyoya ootori/haruhi fujioka 

words: 1191

warnings: none

Haruhi loves her work. Being a lawyer has been her dream since she was young, since she knew what it was like to have a dream. But wanting to be a lawyer also comes with things like this: staying up until 3am studying for class. Pulling all-nighters while preparing for the bar. Breaking down at Tamaki after remembering that the second phase of the bar is three days of essays. Hiding in Kyoya’s arms and trying to forget that the pass rate is 15%, and less than a quarter of lawyers are not men. 

She loves her work; she loves learning about the law and she loves learning about all of the ways she can help people in unfair trials about unfair business practices— she tries not to sound too pointed when she talks to Kyoya about worker’s rights— and all of the ways that the country turns. She likes thinking that her mother did this, too— studied and cried and fought for her place in graduate school and won. 

That doesn’t make it any less hard. 

Haruhi has been at the school library for three hours now, pouring over a series of official documents detailing SCOJ 2007 No. 30. She knew the basics of the case, in theory, but that didn’t make it make sense. That just made it factual. The two, she knows, are very different. 

“We’re closing the library in a moment,” someone says, breaking into her thoughts. Haruhi looks up from the document she’s been reading to find one of the librarians frowning at her. “Go home, Fujioka. You’ve been here for hours.” 

Haruhi sighs. “I’ll head out in a second. Thank you.” 

The librarian— who has spent many a long night watching Haruhi study at the big desk by the window— just nods, then walks away. Haruhi puts the documents back into their binders and folders, stacking them neatly on the to-be-shelved cart nearby. She always feels bad for not putting them away herself, but tonight, all of her limbs feel heavy and she doesn’t have the energy to even try. 

It’s a long journey back to the apartment she shares with Tamaki and Kyoya. It always feels twice as long at night, too, when she’s bone-tired and hungry and feeling defeated. She’s doing well— more than well— in all of her classes, and she knows that she can afford to go home and sleep, but she also thinks that maybe if she stops running now, she’ll never start again. Being in school is like that, Haruhi thinks, running towards your goal, faster and faster and faster, until you trip and break yourself open. 

Unlocking the door to the apartment, Haruhi steps inside to the smell of vanilla. Someone is baking something, and Haruhi just begs the gods that it’s not Kyoya. Tamaki might be a decent baker, but Kyoya couldn’t make cereal without messing it up— he puts the milk in first and it makes both Tamaki and Haruhi want to kick him out of the apartment. 

Haruhi closes the door behind her, calling out, “I’m home!” 

She doesn’t get any answers back, and she tries so, so hard not to feel disappointed by that. She’s always been independent, always been someone who didn’t need to rely on other people for comfort. But in the few years since she joined the host club, since she fell just the littlest bit in love with Tamaki and Kyoya, she’s gotten to rely on other people in a way her younger self would have hated. 

“Haruhi!” Tamaki yells— there’s a thump and the sound of someone scrambling off of a chair and down the hallway. “We’ve been waiting forev— are you okay?” 

At the sight of him, Haruhi’s eyes crinkle up in the way that she does when she’s about to cry; and maybe she’s just feeling extra emotional because of the sleep-deprivation; or maybe it’s just the way that Tamaki is smiling at her, like she’s the only star in the sky; or maybe it’s the way that Kyoya appears behind Tamaki, having walked out of the home office much slower and more refined, but with that fond smile that conveys Tamaki’s same excitement; or maybe— maybe it doesn’t matter. 

She just opens her arms out, biting down hard on her bottom lip, finding some grounding pain to prevent the tears from spilling over her eyes, and asks wordlessly for a hug. 

“Hey,” Tamaki murmurs, moving closer. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close. “Is everything alright?” 

“I’m okay,” Haruhi says, words muffled by the way she’s pressing her face into his chest. One of the buttons on his shirt is imprinting itself onto her forehead, but she couldn’t care less— she can feel his heartbeat in her throat, and the way that he holds her makes her feel safer than she has in years. “I’m okay, I promise.” 

Kyoya has come up to them too, and Tamaki steps away so that Kyoya can hug her. Kyoya puts his arms around her waist, lifting her up and spinning around to carry her towards the couch. She laughs as he carries her, lifting her feet up so that she doesn’t get caught on the stairs, until he deposits her on the couch and then flops down with her. 

He’s loose and careless like this, sitting next to Haruhi, shifting her head onto his lap so that he can play with her hair. There’s something sad in his eyes— not disappointment, like she might have expected of him a few years ago, but empathy. Kyoya knows what it’s like to burn out. 

“It’s okay to not be okay,” Kyoya says, tugging at a strand of hair. 

Tamaki follows them into the living room, his footsteps near soundless— but Haruhi would recognize the sound of him even if he were a ghost, a noiseless phantom. He sits down on the floor next to the couch, arm over her stomach, fingers twisting the edge of her shirt. She’s settled between the two of them, Tamaki on one side, Kyoya at the other. 

“I really am okay,” Haruhi says, squeezing her eyes shut. She can feel them best like this; Kyoya’s hands in her hair, Tamaki’s head against her waist. “I’m just exhausted.” 

“Work is hard,” Tamaki agrees. He sits up straight, taking Haruhi’s right hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles, to the back of her hand, to the heel of her palm, to her wrist. “But you’re getting through it. You’re strong.”

Haruhi swallows down any self-deprecating protest. She is getting through it. Tamaki presses his lips again to the place where palm meets wrist, and she sighs. Work is hard. Only 15% of her class is going to pass the bar on the first try. She doesn’t know if she’ll be one of them. She needs to keep studying, keep working, keep hurting. 

But for now, she’s just going to enjoy this moment: Kyoya leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead, Tamaki shifting to rest his head against her stomach, the three of them breathing in tandem. Her boys, she knows, are with her.

[teddybeckham]

charles melton, cis male, he/him, silver hey have you seen TEDDY BECKHAM ? HE let me borrow his PAINT BRUSHES . oh, you know them! they’re 27 and they’ve been at Roy G. for THREE YEARS. They are known to be a total SCORPIO. no wonder they’ve picked up the nickname THE BLACK SHEEP ! i’m surprised you haven’t heard them blaring STACY’S MOM BY FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE all night. they remind me of PAINT SPLATTERED JEANS, A LONG TIRED SIGH AND GETTING HIGH AT 3 AM. anyway, let me know if you see them ! (rachell, 23, she/her, mt, n/a).

ok hello omg im rachell and this is my lil shit teddy who just needs love ok? i haven’t gotten to play him in awhile and i’m really excited to play this new kinda version of him here?? this whole thing maybe kind of all over the place cuz we’re kinda figuring it out as we go lol but yes pls love us, this whole post is a lot so i apologize im--

tw cancer, tw death, tw depression, tw alcoholism

teddy was born november 3rd, 1993, as an only child, and though a sweet and happy kid he had always struggled with school, being diagnosed with adhd dislexia at a pretty young age causing him to learn at a different pace than the rest of the kids at his class

tho this was pretty hard on him and caused him to grow frustrated at his assignments more often than not, his mom was always there with the patient and supportive smiles, ready to give a hand wherever she could 

things were ok with his dad for the most part the boy was just easily more attached his mother, it being as clear as day to anyone who knew the beckhams

it threw everyone in the small family for a loop when his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer by the time he was six, soon growing familiar with the visits to the hospital and seeing her in a way he never wished he’d have to

as the years went by and his mom now practically stayed in the hospital, the small boy was completely at a loss on how to cope, one day he had to put together a creative piece for school, and being completely fed up with everything, he just painted out everything he was feeling, not giving a shit on how it looked or what he was supposed to have done instead, completely caught off guard when his teacher absolutely loved it, saying she saw great potential in it and him, it being the first time he had actually felt good about smth in school

his mother passed away by the time he was 10, causing teddy to be a lot more closed off and withdrawn from his peers at school, growing frustrated a lot quicker, with art being the only thing that really kept him going as he even pushed his dad away as well, the pair never having been good at talking about their feelings

the death took a big toll on his dad as well, soon falling into a depression that costed him his job, at times not being fully capable of caring for teddy on his own, bringing in the boy’s aunt to help out when she could as he spiraled into borderline alcoholism....that is, until jasmine’s mother came along, slowly helping him come out of his dark place with each moment they spent together, supporting him through therapy and alcoholics anonymous 

teddy found it difficult to be as happy for him as his aunt was, considering how it felt as if his mom was somehow getting replaced, let alone the seemingly perfect young daughter this new woman in his dad’s life had along with her. his dad never really took his love and passion for art all that seriously to begin with, now he had someone else to compare his son to, despite the age gap between the two and he couldn’t really stand it, causing him to give the new people in their life a difficult time at the beginning of them all getting to know each other that was pretty difficult to shake

by the time jasmine’s and teddy’s parents officially got married, the boy was around a freshman/sophmore in high school, at this point warming up more to his new step mom, able to see what his dad saw in her and over all grateful for all that she’d done for him, tho his new step sibling was still smth to adjust to, teddy being too awkward and feeling too much like he was living in her shadow to open up too much, on top of their differences with her as pretty much the golden child and him still not caring much for school and more throwing himself in his art instead of really socializing or getting to know others

fast forward to now with the 2 siblings having been in florida for 3 years, living together and still struggling to understand each other while also getting on each other’s nerves in between. their family at this point is a real one in teddy’s eyes, despite how much he feels like the black sheep when they facetime. call jas his step sister and he’ll sock you. over all there’s sm love there despite how difficult it can be to admit out loud or in general really

about him

takes meds for his adhd

there is nothing that he loves more or is more passionate about than his art, it’s his escape and his way to let out his emotions he doesn’t know how to communicate otherwise

his and jasmine’s place is filled with wips that he’ll just start cuz he got inspo, was bored, or was stressed out

kind of hard for him to sit still and can be pretty anxious but usually puts up a hard exterior so it’s kinda hard to tell 

he is tired all the time, stays up too late to work on his art and relies on coffee to keep him going, someone stop him

is pretty hard to warm up to i wanna say but he’s such a lil shit and has chaotic dumbass energy but like...lowkey lol, very loyal tho, he kinda keeps others at arms length but will appreciate you sm if you become one of his ppl

can be reckless if he’s comfortable w you and around the right ppl

swears too much

extra awkward once finding out he likes someone, will be gruffer than he means to bc he’s just like ew why?

projects this sort of intimidating, confident kind of aura but is actually v insecure

trust issues *finger guns*

usually has paint stains on his jeans but he couldn’t really care less? and he’d dare someone to say smth to him about it

actual name is theodore but he hates it sm call him that at your own risk

stubborn AF and can be pretty judgmental of ppl who come off as snobby and entitled??? hates those kinds of ppl

is so so protective of jasmine despite usually being a pain to her, that’s his baby SISTER

where does he work? idek man maybe at like a tattoo place or smth, ill figure it out

[authorized-trash]

The Passage of Identity and Time

2116 Words

Analogince

Virgil escapes to a better family, one that’s much more accepting.

Warnings: Anxiety disorder, depression, homophobia, transphobia, dysphoria, cussing, panic attacks, heavy crying, misgendering, use of deadname

       Virgil didn’t start out his life as Virgil.

       He started it out as Amber.

          Born in small town USA in the year 1998, a baby named Amber was born. Her parents were ecstatic. The gender of the child did not matter to them, only that they had one. They had been trying for a child for months before the news of Amber arrived.

        The baby was small and wrinkly, as most are. Her father called her a raisin, earning a swat on the arm from the mother.

        Amber grew to a healthy height and weight for a two-year-old. She could talk and walk by now and was quite the rowdy child. Her hair was growing in curly and that odd almost-black brown her mother was known for. Her eyes were a deep brown, with little specks of amber around the iris. Long lashes surrounded the round eyes, making her quite the lovely child.

        (“Oh, she’ll grow up to be quite the lovely child.”)

        Amber continued to grow, and by the time she turned seven, she had shot up to four foot seven, a good head taller than all of her peers. She had cut her hair by now, a cute bob all the teachers loved. Her young idea of fashion was mud stained shorts and tank-tops.

        By the time Amber hit ten, she could tell something was wrong. She didn’t understand why she suddenly couldn’t play football with the boys, and why she couldn’t just go to grandma’s Easter party in pants and a shirt.

        (“That’s not a very feminine look Amber, you are a young lady, and you’re old enough now to act like it.”)

        For now she could ignore the growing feeling of discomfort in her skin. Amber could pretend nothing was wrong. And when the other girls commented on her odd nature, she dubbed herself a tomboy.

        That’s right, a tomboy. The totally normal option, and the only correct one.

        The only socially correct one.

        … But then puberty hit.

        Amber hated how her thirteen-year-old body changed so quickly. She was five foot eight and had been dubbed ‘giraffe’ by the nasty boys in school. Her height didn’t bother her, however. No, it was the hips that thickened, and the chest. She hated it, hated that she hated it. She didn’t think she was bad looking, per say, just… She didn’t look herself. She didn’t see a future in the person she saw in the mirror.

        With the self-loathing came the depression, and with the depression came the anxiety. There was so much of it. By the time she turned fourteen, Amber couldn’t do anything more than stare at her wall for hours, too anxious to move, anxious because she wasn’t getting done, anxious for what this could mean for her. Anxious for the grades, but too anxious to get up and do something about them.

        Around this time is when she started looking at her family at an outside point of few. Picket fence, white, Christian people. Extremely conservative, and right winged. She started finding flaws in their logic, started resenting every word that came out of their mouth.

        Amber was a sheltered child, and only received a device with access to social media at fifteen. There, she found an escape, making friends.

        She discovered the term ‘Transgender’ online.

        Everything clicked in that moment. The more research the more tears. Amber outright sobbed as she read, this was it. This had to be. She tested it out.

        (“He found what he was looking for, and he knew in his heart it was the right choice.”)

        She loved the way the pronouns sounded, beaming, she ran downstairs to her- his parents. His, him, he. God, did that sound so nice.

        Amber ran downstairs to his parents, but stopped. They were talking again. About the people who pretended to be a different gender. It hit Amber like a ton of bricks.

        They were talking about people like him.

        He walked right back into his room and cried.

        The anxiety worsened to nearly unbearable amounts.

        Amber continued to research and found that he wanted to save up for a binder. He began a savings account, saving every penny he got his hands on.

        It took ages, but he finally, finally, convinced his mother to cut his hair.

        (“You look like a guy now Amber.”)

        God did that comment fill him with joy.

        (“You look like a butch.”)

       Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing, lesbians are lit af.

        (“Do you really like it cut that short?”)

        No shit.

        Amber had never felt more confident, but there was one thing missing.

        A proper name.

        He scoured every male baby name he could find. Scrolled through every writer’s website. Hell, he even looked at the girls names to find one.

        It wasn’t until he was studying old literature when he found it.

        Virgil.

        He loved the way it sounded. Virgil. Such a nice name, genuinely extremely aesthetic in his opinion.

        Amber no longer fit, it didn’t feel right. It never felt right. Virgil.

        Virgil.

        Virgil.

        Virgil.

        He was now a junior in highschool, owned a binder, had short hair, wore baggier clothes, and went by Virgil openly at school. By now the hate had long since died down, and he was decently happy. Still ridiculously and ludicrously anxious all the tie, but that was something to look into at a later date.

        Right now, however, he had to get away from his home.

        He loved his parents, but they were just so… hateful towards any kind of minorities. POC, LGBT, and anyone who wasn’t a white Christian were seen as sinful in their eyes. Virgil was tired of being forced to attend a church about a religion he didn’t know if he believed. He was tired of listening to their bullshit.

        So when the time came that he went to college, he moved into a apartment He had gotten scholarships due to grades he had been careful to keep up and didn’t have to rely on his parents money.

        His roommate, an agender person by the name of Logan Thomasson, was one of the nicest people he had ever met. Supportive too. Logan and him hit it off. Logan was a bit hesitant at first, but eventually told Virgil that xe used xe/xyr. Virgil smiled and told them he’d accept xyr no matter what.

        Virgil’s parents didn’t notice his efforts to distance himself at first. Not until the second semester of his second year, when they had heard nothing from him. By now Virgil had long since started testosterone, and his voice had dropped significantly. It was almost time for summer break, and Virgil was making plans to stay at Logan’s for the break again, when he got the call.

        -

        “Amber, honey, are you there?” His mother called into her phone with that sickeningly sweet voice she used when she wanted to sound nice. Virgil gulped audibly, staring across the room at Logan, who was sitting with him to keep his nerves down.

        “Yes mother?”

        “Are you sick dear? What’s wrong?”

        “No mom, I’m not sick.”

        “Then why is your voice so deep, Amber? You know I hate it when you lie.”

        Virgil bit his lower lip and closed his eyes, feeling the tears fall. He couldn’t delay the inevitable. Sure, maybe it was a shitty thing to say to his mother over the phone and not in person, but he wouldn’t be able to stand her face.

        “I’m not.. I’m not Amber, mother.”

        “… What? Sweetheart of course you’re Amber, what has gotten into you?” By now Logan had gotten and moved across the room, and xe was sitting on xyr knees in front of Virgil’s hand, putting a hand on his knee.

        “No mom, I go by- I go by Virgil now. I’ve been taking testosterone treatment for a year and a half now.”

        “Amber.”

        “No- Mom it’s not-“ Virgil choked up, “It’s not Amber, I’m sorry, I’m-“

        “Amber I’m coming to pick you up. That college isn’t good for you. I knew we shouldn’t have sent you to a damn liberal school,” his mother could be heard shuffling around, presumably covering the phone with her hand, “Adam, your daughter believes she’s a boy, a boy Adam.”

        Virgil started sobbing now, sliding off his seat. Logan was quick to scoop him up in xyr arms, holding him tightly. Virgil rested his forehead on xyr shoulder, looking at the phone in his trembling hand.

        “Mama please,” he mumbled wetly, watching the screen fill with tears. The world becoming a blur. His heart pounded in his chest. He couldn’t take this, he was going to have an anxiety attack.

        “No, Amber, your father and I will be there shortly. Goodbye.”

        The phone beeped, and Virgil threw it.

        He cumbled in on himself, crying hysterically. He wanted that to go better, damnit. Maybe a little acceptance. Anything. God, it hurt so bad.

        Logan shifted him around so that xe could pet his hair, mumbling xyr stupid math equations in his ear the way xe did, in that stupidly endearing way that Virgil loved so much.

        His parents, true to their word, arrived that night.

        They didn’t bother to knock. Virgil didn’t even know how they knew where he lived.

        Logan was the one to see them when they arrived, Virgil had locked himself in his room. Logan had suggested it actually, god Virgil loved xem so much.

        “I do not believe you are supposed to be here.”

        “Amber lives here, yes? Where is she, we’re leaving. You would not believe how this place has contorted her mind.”

        “Ma’am, you need to leave. Both you and your husband.”

        “Now who do you think you ar-“

        “I’ve already contacted security. The officer is a good friend of mine, they will see you out,” Logan smiled over the couple’s heads, at the officer who was standing in the door.

        The couple spun around, spotting the officer. By now Virgil had poked his head around the door. He might as well watch his parents leave, this may very well be the last time he says them this close, or not through a picture.

        This was a mistake on his part however, because when his mother flipped around to confront Logan again, she spotted him.

        “Amber! Sweetheart! You have to come with us! I’m not letting my baby go to Hell!”

        Virgil crept out from behind the door, looking levelly at his mother, “No mum, I’m not leaving. Now I believe Logan asked you to leave. This is his-“

        “Our, Virgil, how many times to I have to tell you it’s our apar-“

        “This is Logan’s home as much as mine, and xe wants you to leave.”

        By now the security officer had already gotten Virgil’s dad out the door, and had walked up behind the mother.

        “Ma’am, these two have asked you to leave multi-“

        “Xe? XE?! Amber! These are demons! You are possessed, please baby, come with us- please!”

        “Ma’am! Either you leave or I arrest you, that is a direct order! Out, now!” The officer shouted, furious. They escorted the woman to the door, Virgil’s mother throwing a fit all the while.

        “You’re all evil in the eyes of god! You will repent one day! You will!!”

        And with that the door shut.

        Virgil gave a small, defeated smile, looking at Logan. Logan breathed heavily out of xyr mouth, before walking up to the dark haired young male. Xe gave him a small kiss at the top of his head, ruffling his hair.

        “I’m so, so proud of you.” Xe said softly. Virgil snorted softly.

        “You think they’ll still let me go to Thanksgiving?” He joked.

        Logan laughed.

        -

        A week past and Virgil had done nothing but delete the nonstop flow of messages from his old friends and family. He had no reason to talk to them. Not anymore.

        He and Logan had started dating since then, and both were extremely happy. Hell, they had even been debating the pros and cons of inviting the cute security guard, who was named Roman, into their relationship. The guard had been flirting nonstop with the two of them, and honestly, they were smitten by the non-binary officer.

        A few months later found them all happily watching movies on the couch with Logan’s ball python Dee.

        A year later found them all happily married, with Roman’s brother Remus as best man.

        Months after that found them adopting an adorable baby named Patton. The child was a spring loaded ball of red curls and freckles.

        Virgil didn’t start out life as Virgil.

        But he sure as hell didn’t end it as Amber.

-

A little fic a did as a sort of vent

I wrote all in an hour and a half, and I honestly don’t think I have it in me to go back through and fix it if there’s mistakes.

[naturesgender]

hey folks this is gonna be a really really long post, i just kinda gotta write some stuff down, idk if anyone is gonna see this but if you do i’m gonna try to do the thing where there’s a cut and you can press “keep reading” if you wanna see the whole thing but idk how to do that so if it doesn’t work i’m sorry in advance!

*i think i figured it out, it should work! just put it there so u wouldn’t have to scroll past the whole thing if u didn’t wanna read it cause it’s rlly fuckin long lmao i love u all <3*

ok so

i am not Clinically Depressed i don’t live w/depression i don’t struggle with it on a daily basis i am generally a pretty Not-Depressed person

however

i am doing my best to get better at not ignoring the times when i *do* feel depressed because “i don’t actually suffer from clinical depression so this isn’t even that bad!” or “a lot of my friends feel like this on a daily fuckin basis and that’s really awful for them so i should always prioritize their feelings over mine all the time” or “these are stupid reasons to be depressed anyway” or “even though it’s really really hard for me to get out of bed right now there are people who sometimes Cannot get out of bed and i am not one of those people so it’s all good lol” or any of that shit cause (news flash) i am not the greatest at taking good emotional care of myself, and although i have gotten better at letting others take care of me, i still have lots of problems feeling comfy doing that if they’re not also letting me take care of them (which is a whole other issue that i’m not gonna get into rn)

so with all that in mind i just kind of wanted to get it down in writing and like Acknowledge the fact that during this past semester, mostly during the past month, i have been the most generally depressed i’ve been for a long time, maybe ever. i was definitely depressed in freshman year and was having some pretty Not Spicy Thoughts (nothing *super* serious dw) and that definitely wasn’t fun, but that was like a different brand of depression. back then the main reason i was depressed was bc i had no friends (or at least none i felt i could really be close with) and i was struggling to make the transition to high school and i didn’t really feel like either of my two-friends-who-i-didn’t-feel-i-could-be-close-with cared about me at all. this is a different brand. i’m very lucky to have a lovely group of very close friends who i can trust and who i mostly feel i can rely on (although when it comes to relying on my friends, the problem isn’t that i don’t feel that my friends are reliable bc i know that they are and i know they love me!! i trust that they would help me!! the issue is that i don’t often feel like it would be fair to ask them for help, but like i said that’s a whole other issue just wanted to clarify that the issue is not with my friends it’s 100% with me and i know that). i have a pretty good social life as of rn, and even though we’re all dealing with this shitty shitty pandemic, my friends and i have found ways to stay connected and we videochat and play games and i love them so much and i’m so grateful for them and they make my life infinitely better. so the social aspect is not the issue here in the same way it was in freshman year. the issue here is that i seem to have lost most of my driving force.

here is a list to help me acknowledge things

i turn 18 in exactly a month (january 7th) and although i know that i don’t just *poof* into an adult, i am still terrified of losing my childhood (much of which i have already lost due to very poor memory and my anxiety quashing the ability to be weird the way that i am/the way that i want to) and i don’t have myself together in the way that i wanted to by the time i reached 18/senior year/graduation/Adulting Time

online class is hell, the work has only gotten harder, i sit at my desk and stare at my computer screen for over 10 hours a day and don’t move and get lots of headaches and feel very understimulated, there’s always Something i haven’t done, and i can’t find it in me to give any shits about school in any way shape or form

except for maybe practicum i care about practicum i always care about practicum

i have basically no money and my gap year is coming up and i can’t get a job right now and i might not be able to get a job this school year at all and i am terrified of not being able to make enough money to give my friends the safe space they need, i need to support them, they need people who will Love Them, i want to give them a home i want to be a home for them and i am fucking terrified of not being able to make it happen for them

and for myself but also not really

like i definitely want this and i’m super excited to live with them but i’m also scared to leave home but i also know that they Need to leave home and i want to give them what they need!! and we’re gonna have such a good time!! and we’re gonna be safe and we’re gonna be whole and we’re gonna be loved and we’re gonna be a family!! this needs to happen i need to give them this we need to make this

i don’t wanna make it seem like i don’t wanna live with them, i do, i really do, i love them to pieces, i love them with all i am, i can’t express how much i love them, and i’m really really really excited, but at this point i’m mostly scared

having been diagnosed with (mild) adhd does not make it any easier to focus or sleep and i cannot fucking focus and i haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks

there’s so much shit that i have to do hanging over my head, mostly it’s scheduling i’m trying to schedule my life basically (which sounds crazy but it’s less intense than it sounds i’m just trying to give myself more structure) but that’s a really overwhelming task and every time i try to make a schedule i can never stick to it so i have a lot less faith in it this time around

my sexuality and gender and thoughts about surgery/transitions/etc remain unclear and the only thing i’m sure of is that i’m demiromantic, but that doesn’t do shit about unrequited romance, which hurts like a motherfucker, and i don’t even truly know if it *is* romance that i’m wanting and there’s nothing real that i can do about that either

still feeling like shit about my body in a lot of different ways, not gonna get too far into it rn

the pandemic + online school + drudgery of classes + general unmotivated feelings + no changes in routine + a lack of structure + same environment 24/7 makes every day feel the fucking same and i’m sick of it

i’m stressed about vassar results coming out tmrw and i still have to write like at most 8 different college supplements before december 23rd (2 weeks)

i haven’t really sat down and done anything i’ve Enjoyed for a while and not had a Responsibility hanging over my head

basically i’m tired and anxious and overworked and lonely and lacking a driving force and really really fucking angry at everything and all that combines to make me pretty damn miserable! and as a result of all of this, my self-care is slipping and then my room doesn’t get clean and my bed doesn’t get made and i don’t get dressed or make myself proper meals or brush my teeth or sleep and that just makes it worse

and i want to talk about how i do definitely still have plenty of happy moments and good things and there is still a good amount of sunshine, i’m not *completely* miserable, but the minute i start thinking about that, i start to think that whatever sunshine there may be automatically cancels out any gray that there is, which is not a good place to be because i don’t want to fake being happy (i’ve never been good at that anyway which is probably a good thing) so i’m trying to acknowledge that hey! things are pretty shitty!! but please keep in mind that even as i type this, most of me is saying things along the lines of “don’t share this don’t post it don’t complain you don’t have it bad you’re fine you need to take care of your friends you can’t feel these things just snap out of it and you’ll be fine” so this is a pretty big step and a lot for me to just Put Out Into The World

i spent a while trying to think of other things that i could add here but i don’t really think there’s much else to say. i’m not sure where to go from here. i don’t have any magic solutions so i am trying really really hard not to let myself slip into complete giving-up-i-will-not-get-better space and it helps to just Know what’s in my brain. i don’t know if i have the mental energy to try to “fix” any of these issues right now, i just think i needed to start by writing them down. now i have them and i guess i’ll see where i can go from here. sorry this post was super long for anyone who may have chosen to take a look

that’s all <3

[1000roughdrafts]

Family Secrets: Chapter Fourteen

Town That Never Stops Smiling 

Summary: Being transported to Teraw leaves you tired and confused, but the path to the truth is a long and needy road. 

Warnings: slight angst, slightly OOC Dean 

W/C: 3.2k

Masterlist/schedule

The four of you walk in silence through the field and onto a dirt road. Walking towards the bridge, you peer over at the glistening water underneath it. Dean squints at her, shaking his head, "all right. So where we headin'? Motel? Get some grub?"

Allanah giggles, "no. Here, there are no hotels, as they have no need for them. No one is allowed to travel between the regions without a request from the Head of the Region. From there, the Head provides them with a place to stay, whether that be in his or her own quarters, or at a volunteers. On the topic, we need to be careful about how we interact with the people and places here. It's big enough that we won't be noticed right away, but if we stay in one place too long there are going to be issues," Allanah says while you make your way to the start of the bridge.

"Uh, so what happens if we do get caught?" Sam asks in a whisper, looking around at the decaying bridge and trees that surround it.

As sweet as can be, Allanah smiles, "think American TSA meets intense CIA interrogations," she smirks. "In other words, let's just not get caught." Dean frowns which puts her attention onto him, "you're going to struggle with this the most, Dean, I can already feel it. But Y/N, you've felt it deep down, haven't you? A mother's love is not to be taken lightly, even beyond death."

You keep quiet, peaking over at Dean. He holds contempt in his face, trapped behind that stoic expression but easy to see the swirl of emotion in his eyes. He wants to scream out and ask questions, but what could he say? He has children, or at least a past version of him did and he knows nothing of it, but Y/N does? 

Luna - June 26, 2068

Teraw - Region 3

Complete darkness goes so well with shattering silence. I have known nothing other than the darkness and cherish the quiet. The only thing I hate about the silence is that it traps me in a world of uncertainty. With nothing to grip onto, I succumb to the thoughts raging in my mind like an ocean under a full moon; but it is a beautiful thing.

Just as I am trapped in my mind I am trapped in my body. No movement in my arms, torso, hands, legs, feet or face. I can not open my eyes, nor can I move my lips. Absolutely nothing works anymore. Well, almost nothing. Miraculously my ears can hear anything from a train passing by to a mouse three stories down.

I am surrounded by so much noise in the day that I look forward to the treacherous words my mind whispers to me as I lay to sleep. I rely on my ears so much these days, as it's the only sense I've got left. There's this single sound I hear more than anything. It has a set pace, just as a metronome would tick along to keep the beat of a song. Beep. Beep. Beep. I don't live like many others, they say I'm lucky to be alive at all.

I hear my family as they trickle in, their footsteps are quick and loud. It breaks my concentration on the ticking. The stepping stops, I hear sniffling, deep breaths and then suddenly, "Luna, it's your mama. Can you hear me?" Yes, I hear you. I want to say it. 

"I should start at the beginning," Allanah sighs, slowing her walk to a gentle stroll. "The two of you, Shirley and Bill you used to be called," she laughs lightly. "You enlisted me as a," she motions her hand around, scrunching her face, "guardian of sorts for your five children, quintuplets," she laughs again. "Wren, Ana, Tullie, Aidan and Luna." 

You and Dean lock eyes, "Luna?" he says, pointing at you, "the girl that's-" 

"Indeed," Allanah lets out a long breath, watching the ground somberly. "It's very sad what has happened to her," she says. "There's evil in this realm that neither of you could predict. It's what sent me back to Earth, locked me out. It wasn't until after I'd ended things with Crowley and found Y/N that I remembered who I truly was and what you created me to be. I needed to do something, anything, to bring the two of you back to this realm to fix what had been broken." 

Coming to a stop at the start of the bridge, Allanah looks into her hands, "your children, they," looking back up between you and Dean. "They are very powerful, yet they don't know it. Not anymore, at least." 

"What do you mean?" Sam tilts his head. 

"Each of them possess qualities and powers of an element specific to Earth. When Bill and Shirley created this realm, you split the children up into regions. This was done to protect them, or so you said. Teraw was specific to Luna, but with you two gone and evil sneaking in, the regions had grown a mind of their own," she lowers her voice, "it's gotten out of control. Ana was born in Inequescent, but with the latest reincarnation, the family Ana was brought into grew tired and she was adopted by a family here in Teraw. What I know to be happening soon is that because of Luna's sickness, Tullie will be requested to come help her. Horrible things are in store for the regions, unless we can stop it.”  

"Like what?" Dean asks. 

"This evil... it wishes to gain control of the other regions. After that, other dimensions... like Earth." 

Tullie - June 6, 2068 Hemort - Region 4

A day off is a luxury when one has specialized skills in the medical profession, at least for those in Hemort. I usually try to wind down and relax on those two short days, or tune into my favorite channel to watch some gushy movies about how everything always works out in the end, and everyone is just so nice. They make me sick, and yet I can't bring myself to watch anything else. In my day to day life, I don't always get to see the happy endings. Moreso, with my line of work, I see death more than any sane person should. And that begs the question; am I really as sane as I believe myself to be? 

I admire the house on the screen and the characters who live in it, wondering what it would be like to have a big house with a yard and a cute dog who gets to enjoy it. There's not much of that here, only the Elite live on large plots of land. Instead, I rent this quaint apartment with the ceiling to wall windows I'd dreamt of having since I was young. When the new owner bought the complex, she planted the most beautiful garden and elegant, tall trees on either side of the building, which is better than the concrete nothingness that resided there before.

Pausing the movie, I unravel myself from underneath the blankets to make some tea, although I'd never be able to make it as calming and tasty as my mother had. The storm doesn't help to calm me either, with the trees rattling against the windows and begging to come inside. While waiting for the kettle to boil, I close the blinds and play the movie. I could stand to miss a little of it if it means I don't have to listen to that screaming sound the wind makes.

While adding honey to the mug in preparation, my phone rings. I'm not expecting a call, so I don't scatter to answer it. I pull the kettle and turn down the dial on the stove before going back to the couch to rummage through knitted blankets for my cell. 

"Hello," I say, putting the phone between my ear and shoulder as I make my way back to my tea. 

"Hi, Tullie," the voice says, calmly and sweetly. I spill boiling water onto my hands at the surprise, and curse myself for not checking the caller ID. How dare he call me at this hour. 

"What do you want, Dan?" 

After a heartbreaking pause, he speaks out, "this is not a personal call, okay? I don't care how you're doing. I don't want to know what you're doing. I don't even care if you're hiding from the storm in a cup of tea right now,  or watching those stupid puke inducing movies, I-" I hear him sigh, "this is about the hospital," he says swiftly. 

"Mine or yours?" 

"Why would I be calling about yours? Listen, I have my hands tied on a case over here. I could really use your help. No one has a clue on what to do. They put me on this, but," he pauses and his voice shifts down a tone, "I'm really in over my head." 

"How does no one there know what to do? Your hospital is the best out of all five districts." 

"This case is really strange, Tu-" 

"Don't," I sharply cut him off and take the phone in my hand before he can finish my name. "Please, don't call me that. It's Doctor Marion." 

There is a silence between us as I make my way back to the couch, gripping my mug with both hands and the phone resting back on my shoulder. 

"You know I wouldn't be calling you if I wasn't out of options, but this girl," he sighs. "She's been out for three weeks. There is nothing in her medical history that would help to explain her state. Her parents have no idea what happened, they said they just found her like this." 

"Okay, so assuming it's a coma," I say, mostly thinking out loud. Then back to him, I condescend, "are you sure it's not locked-in state? Er, what about psychogenic unresponsiveness?" 

"Of course, what do you take me for?" he says in a short, agitated breath. "Look, it's absolutely a coma with no explainable source. We've taken MRI's and Cat Scans and still can not locate the site of her brain that's causing it." 

"Were there drugs involved?" 

"No, we did blood work after taken her vitals. No drugs in her system, vitamin levels are all normal and we've been monitoring her brain waves while she's been here. It's like she went to sleep one night and just... didn't wake up." 

"It sounds like you've done everything I would have, so why are you calling me?" 

"Tu - Doctor Marion, I know you-" 

"No, you knew me," I softly yell, foolishly pointing a finger in the air as if he were in front of me. Quieter now, I keep a harsh tongue, "I'm not the same person I was then, you played a huge role in that. I changed myself for the better. I never wanted to hear from you again. The last thing I need is to be reminded..." I trail off before the tear in my eye can drop and listen to the actors giggling on the television. 

"Reminded of what?" Dan asks, in that same torturous way he'd always comforted me in the past. 

"It doesn't matter. I'm going to bed. You'll get an answer tomorrow." Forgetting the tea, I barricade myself in blankets and cry myself to sleep. 

As you walk along the bridge, Allanah continues, “for the first long while that I was here, things were fine. The churches were full, as were the pubs and shops. That’s the way many enjoyed it for a great while, but when those who opened their eyes fought back?” She sucks in air through her teeth, “well, let’s just say blood was shed, and tears were shared.” 

She moves her hands around and slows her steps, “allow me to take this back in time. They followed a set of standards. A hierarchy of social standings and if one was not near the top, they were not worth a loaf. The weight of one’s standing held in community intervention in threefold. It started with the preparation and bringing about of their first church. Many thought that if one was of fellowship they were among deities.” She laughs softly, “as I, the only guardian of this realm, knew there were no deities, just little old me. It was comical. And per the two of you, I was never allowed to step in or intervene.” 

“That’s stupid,” you mutter under your breath, watching your steps along the bridge. 

“Blacksmiths, clergymen, doctors and carpenters were just below, and seen as noble. Those however that farmed land, crops and livestock were seen at the bottom. Along with butchers, dairymaids, tailors, barbers, and the like were noted to be Sepulchers. It’s worth noting, that this system was not one that you two brought in place.” 

“Sepulchers?” Sam twists his face. 

“No one had an inkling as to why, but it was surmised that it was in reference to those folk being just as untitled as the many of the graves placed just outside of this bridge.” 

Dean folds his lips down in a nod, looking around at the piles of dirt outside of the river and under the bridge. 

“After segregating with an older congregating with an older woman who called herself Minerva, it was she that determined there was power in numbers. There were more of them than there were in the fellowship and just as one might catch a second wind, they found their strength. It started at first with the announcement. The Town Crier, also among the Sepulchers, had begun his course into the Town Whisperer, and could be found in the benighted area, or circumferential. They conspired many gatherings and prepared for battle, if need be so. The churches grew ever suspicious as their totality grew by the day. Minerva conducted the rough fifty to leave their work for another day,” she sighs, “and then another. This war lasted for years, reaching all five regions and the only thing that I could do was try and protect your children, and carry them through their reincarnations. I had made many, many attempts to reach out to the two of you and all had fallen short.” 

She focuses on the boards of the bridge and the squeaking they make as you walk over them, “a man by the name of Henry took to ending the war, and was appointed the Head of Teraw for his efforts. This man’s son is now the Head and Luna’s father in this realm. I wasn’t here to place them into the proper families,” she sighs, “and now I worry he’s stirring up trouble.”

Ana - June 6, 2068

Teraw - Region 3 

These briefings make me feel less of who I want to be. I understand the importance of putting together the minds of professional colleagues to come to a conclusion on how to move forward with whatever case we happen to be discussing. However, as someone who works in healthcare, forgive me for stating that I find them to be quite menial. It's usually the same act every day; Dan will turn up late, I drum my fingers on the table, Mary doesn't say a damn word and Nathan does most, if not all, of the talking. 

I'm mid-yawn through one of Nathan's monologues as a pink-haired woman wearing sweatpants, a tank top and a light cardigan walks in. I can only assume she is lost with the confusion draped on her face, so I stand to redirect her. Nathan, the natural born leader that he is, smiles and holds a hand out to her. 

"You must be Doctor Marion. I'm Chief Nathan Scott. Dean speaks very highly of you." Her confusion is overtaken by a smile as she accepts the greeting, "I understand your decision to be here was quite rash, so we'll excuse the lapse in dress code this one time," he jokes. 

I mask a chuckle by returning to my seat and shuffling through my papers. He pulls out his pocket watch and just barely inspects it before looking back up at her. With a careless wave of his hands and a slight shrug he says, "Dan should be arriving soon. If you know him like we do, you would know he's late to everything." 

She laughs softly, looking at her feet. "Go ahead and take a seat right there, next to Ana." He gestures over to me and smiles. I do not. "She doesn't bite, I promise." I might. 

"Enough," Nathan says as if he's heard one too many of Dan's jokes. Then again, we all certainly have. Dan glides across the room, briefcase in tow, and plops into the chair next to Mary. "First of all," Nathan goes on, sitting at the head of the table. He pulls a stack of papers from his own briefcase and shifts to Doctor Marion. "I need you to look over and sign these before we can proceed, for patient privacy and all that." 

"I understand," she squeaks out and inches her chair close to the table. She smiles when she's finished and pushes the papers back to Nathan, who inspects them thoroughly before carrying on with his speech. 

"Now, miss Luna's case is of high priority and exceptionally confidential." He classically folds his hands together and leans slightly into the table, facing me and the new doctor. "You see, her parents are what makes this town what it is." 

"And what is that, exactly?" 

"Powerful," I scoff. 

Approaching the end of the bridge, Dean grips onto your arm, pulling you to face him. “I want to know what’s going on. Damn it, Y/N, we haven’t talked in... ten months, and - and now we’re in an alternate dimension where apparently our kids live, and...” he flops his hands down at his sides, looking around before taking a step closer to you, holding up a finger, “and you knew about them?” 

“No,” you sigh, “I only had a feeling about it, I - I didn’t know for sure. I don’t even know how to explain it, it was just this gut feeling...” you trail off, not really understanding the whole thing yourself. 

Dean rolls his eyes, so you push on, “look, Dean, I’m sorry that you got dragged into this, but-” you take a deep breath, forcefully letting it out. He turns his eyebrows down, crossing his arms. “I don’t know what else to tell you,” you breathe. “What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry? That I never should have left? That I wish none of this was happening in the first place?” 

He continues to glare, and you take one small step towards him, your bodies merely inches from each other. 

“You never should have left, Y/N,” he scowls. “We were heading here from the beginning, Y/N. The only freaking difference is that we spent ten months apart from each other,” he says, voice crawling back into animosity. “I don’t know if I can trust anything you say to me now.” 

You drop your voice to a whisper, “I am sorry, Dean, for everything. I’m sorry that I left, again, but we - I can’t change any of that now, so we just gotta get through this, and when we get back home... if we get back home, we can go our separate ways if that’s what you want.” 

After a long pause, his face softens slightly, “no,” he says. Clearing his throat, his eyes move around your face, “no, Y/N. That’s the opposite of what I want. I want you. Even through all the shit we went through, I was happy with you. Why can’t you see that?” 

Next Chapter 

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