#I’m working out a bunch and eating healthy meals

[whentherewerebicycles]

wow I love my little weights class!! everyone is so friendly and nice and they all joke around with each other the whole time. I still feel some worry about exercising hard in pregnancy (like is he ok in there???) but all the research/guidance seems to indicate it’s totally fine and only positive. I def would’ve been too nervous to go hard in the first trimester but now it does feel like he’s a little more firmly planted yknow.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Eri Reader x Straw Hats Christmas Special- Eri and the Nutcracker

I had someone request this and I thought this would work perfectly with Eri Reader! I hope you all enjoy and I'll post the next actual part of Eri Reader tomorrow! Merry Christmas!

-Your smile was so bright as Robin finished telling you the story of the Nutcracker, in celebration of Christmas tomorrow! You had never celebrated Christmas and the crew wanted to make it extra special for you!

-You help Sanji in the kitchen making some cookies as he told you all about the yummy meal you were going to get tomorrow.

-Luffy and Usopp told you all about Santa, which did lead to some laughter after you asked Chopper if he was one of Santa’s reindeer.

-Franky stole you away to show you some surprises he was working on, new upgrades for the ship, which was actually just to distract you while the others set up a Christmas tree to surprise you with.

-Brook played you beautiful Christmas music which Nami danced with you to, waltzing with you while you squealed with delight before you got to meet Santa, who was actually Zoro in disguise.

-They couldn’t stand how cute you were, being shy, hiding behind Luffy’s leg, waving at Santa as he was holding out a present towards you.

-It wound up being the Nutcracker book, something to surprise you with before Christmas day and when Robin put you to bed, she read you the story.

-You knocked out shortly after she finished, which was good as it gave everyone time to set up for the party tomorrow.

-You opened your eyes, now dreaming, and found yourself in a magical world, surrounded by a land made up entirely of sweets, everything was candy- the roads, the trees and flowers, it was amazing!

-You then heard, “Y/N!!” you turned, hearing Luffy and you froze, seeing him running up to you, dressed like the Nutcracker in the book and he beamed at you, “I found you! Now let’s get going- I’m going to be King of the Nutcrackers!”

-You weren’t sure what was going on, but this was so much fun, as you got to eat some of the trees, after Luffy told you that it was okay.

-You then heard three voices yelling out, “Hey you idiot!” and you were stunned to see Nami and Sanji, both dressed up like fairies, in pink and white outfits with large glittery wings, Nami in a dress and Sanji in a suit, before you saw Chopper, wearing a whole Santa outfit, looking like Santa, just with some bells, like one of Santa’s reindeer.

-Sanji and Nami were yelling at Luffy, after beating him black and blue, telling him that you can’t just have sweets, that’s its not healthy for you before turning to you, “Are you Sugar Plum fairies?” they both posed, looking dramatic as Sanji spoke, “We are- but we also encourage healthy eating habits- especially in ones so young!”

-Nami and Chopper danced around with you as Sanji whipped up a massive feast of fruit, veggies, and meat, so you would have a balanced diet.

-When you and Luffy finished eating and got ready to leave, the three said they were coming with you, as they were going to celebrate Luffy becoming King of the Nutcrackers!

-As you reached an area where everything was made of toys, your eyes were sparkly before you saw Franky, “Yo!! It’s my SUPER niece!!” it was your uncle, ‘Franky-meyer’, who made the Nutcracker Luffy for you and you squealed as he spun you around, showing you all the new toys he had made before he decided to come with you on the journey to the kingdom of the Nutcrackers.

-You met Robin and Usopp next, who were both snow fairies, Usopp was throwing snowballs at the others while Robin picked you up, dancing with you, “You look like a princess mama!” she just smiled, twirling around, “You are close- I’m the Snow Fairy Queen~” your eyes were sparkly before you laughed, seeing everyone getting into a snowball fight.

-When you reached the castle where Luffy would become king, you were scared, seeing a bunch of mice, including the Mouse King, who looked like Crocodile, wearing a long red cape with a crown on his head, saying that this kingdom was his!

-Luffy tried to fight him and his minions, who looked like chibi Crocodiles in miniature long red capes, but he was blown back, he needed backup!

-Two more soldiers then stepped forward, Brook and Zoro, who had been locked in the tower, after King Crocodile invaded the kingdom, and Brook spoke, “Allow us to help you!”

-Soldier Zoro easily took care of the underlings, using three large candy canes instead of swords, before Brook charged forward with his own giant candy cane and hit King Crocodile back, weakening him.

-Luffy beat him, and you saw all the citizens of this world, from the candy area, the toy area, the snow area, and the kingdom all come out and celebrate, watching Luffy being crowned King.

-Luffy held you up in his arms, “It’s all thanks to Y/N!” and everyone was quickly chanting your name, making you smile.

-You stirred, hearing Luffy and Chopper calling your name, much like how they were chanting in your dream, as they woke you up, both wearing Santa hats, “Santa came- Santa came!” your eyes went huge and you headed to the galley with them, finding a huge feast, one that looked even better than the one Sanji had made for you in your dream, as well as a bunch of presents under the tree for everyone.

-Robin put a Santa hat on your own head, one that was a little too large for your head, but you were all smiles as Usopp held you on his lap as you got to try all of the special Christmas foods.

-Once you were finished eating, everyone unwrapped their presents from Santa, getting exactly what they wanted, Luffy got a gift wrapped meat on a stick, Zoro got a sword cleaning kit, Usopp got a new scope, Nami got a bag of money, Sanji got new cooking knives, Brook got a violin repair kit, Franky got some new and durable tools, Chopper got a new doctor’s bag and some candy, and Robin got some new books, and you got more picture books, ones that you could have the others read to you.

-The day was spent having fun with your family, eating nummy food, and just enjoying your first Christmas together.

[gunilslaugh]

hello!! can you please do hcs of jiseok or junhan with a bigger reader? any genre is okay rlly <33 thank you!!(i love your work!)

Thank you for loving my work. I already have a Hyeongjun with a bigger reader work done. I'll link it here :)

Kwak Jiseok

Summary: What yours and Jiseok’s relationship is like with you being a bigger person.

WC:566

Warning:none

photo not mine credits to owner.

Jiseok is so supportive of you. He will always compliment the clothes that you wear. Even if you’re only wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Y/n you look so good,” Jiseok compliments you while his eyes scan over your appearance. 

“Thank you, but this outfit is definitely more on the grunge side,” you say. 

“And you still look amazing.” He hugs you. 

He likes being the smaller spoon, he won’t admit it though. He feels safe and content with your arm wrapped around his waist. His back up against your front. Bonus if you throw one of your legs over his. He loves the feeling of the weight of your leg resting on him. If he is not being the little spoon his hands will without fail find their way to your waist/stomach. Jiseok likes resting his hands there. Sometimes letting his finger trace patterns on your skin or giving it a pinch when he’s feeling mischievous (happens at least once every time you cuddle).

Jiseok steals your sweatpants and sometimes your hoodies. He will randomly send you pictures of him clad in your comfy clothes. You find it cute and save the photos to your phone. It still weirds you out a bit that he steals your sweatpants though.

“Jiseok I think it’s cute that you steal my clothes, but my sweatpants don’t even fit you properly,” you laughed pointing out the clearly too big of pants he’s wearing. 

“Aye they have a drawstring, so it’s fine,” he defended, pulling up your hoodie that he is always wearing to show the tightly drawn drawstring. Truthfully Jiseok finds a sense of comfort in wearing your clothes, they make him feel secure. May or may not sleep in your clothes when the two of you are far apart. 

Jiseok never wants you to feel insecure about your bigger frame. It’s partly why he always compliments your outfits even if there really isn’t anything special about them. He wants you to feel loved. He also wants you to know that you’re more than your weight too. If people ever shame you for your weight he will quickly shut down their negative comments. 

“Don’t listen to them y/n. You’re happy and healthy, that's all that matters. Plus having some bonus weight on you makes you harder to kidnap,” he added comically to make you smile. His heart fills with warmth when it works. If you ever personally feel bad or insecure over your weight he’s there to reassure you. 

“There is nothing wrong with your weight y/n. Plus you are worth so much more than your weight. You’re amazing and I’m so lucky to be your boyfriend. I love you.” He gives you a back hug and moves his hands to caress over your curves that he loves so much. 

Jiseok loves snacking with you. Whether it’s while watching movies/shows, simply munching before a meal or at midnight. He would buy a bunch of different snacks to try them with you. Likes having what he refers to as snack dates, which is where you both go to the convenient store and pick out snacks then return home or wherever else to eat them. 

Jiseok loves every bit of you and will make sure that you feel his love throughout your relationship even if it comes in the form of lighthearted mischievousness from time to time.

[elbarkla]

Check it out everyone, 3 years of art progress! And I wrote a guide for beginners! 😊

Hi! I’m Laura, age 31. I’ve always drawn occasionally, but never really stuck with it. Frankly it stressed me out. I’d draw for a month, then cry a bunch, then quit for a couple more years. But this time I turned it into a habit somehow. I’ve been drawing near-daily since Feb ‘21 and my life is better for it. Art’s a huge part of me now; it affects how I spend my time, how I express myself, and how I see the world. I feel like a happier, more complete human being.

So here’s what worked for me. This is a guide for hobbyists (I don’t have commercial ambitions) and it may or may not work for you. But I hope you can learn something from it regardless. Without further ado, my thesis:

 ~ Laura’s Steps for Drawing A Lot and Hopefully Getting Better ~

 1 – Manage Your Health 

Know what’s bad for your art? Depression! Glad I got around to treating mine. But for real, if you lack self-confidence you might want to check your mental health. It isn’t the sole factor but it can rapidly overtake the others. Every day I see a post like “how do I improve, every time I try to draw I’m overwhelmed with thoughts I’m bad at everything and a burden to the people around me”. That’s relatable but not a healthy way to see yourself. Low self-esteem can be treated. Please consider talking to someone - you’re a wonderful, lovable person and deserve a happy life.

Also, try to get plenty of sleep and eat regular meals; it helps with everything. Exercise is worth a shot too. Going for walks is good for your mind and body. Yes it’s boring, but boredom gives you space to imagine things.

 #2 – Make It Fun

You’re taking this too seriously. Yes, you. It’s just a hobby. Take the pressure off. Have fun.

What does that mean? It means you need to make art approachable. It has to be a comfort hobby you’re naturally drawn to. That means killing all thoughts of what you SHOULD do. If it makes you want to draw, go for it. Anime characters? Pretty ladies? Fanart? Furries? Doodles from imagination? Zentangles? Pencils? Digital? Do it. If drawing the “right way” burns you out, draw things the wrong way instead. You know who draws a lot? Children. You know who doesn’t draw super well? Children. Have that mindset. Draw like a child. Don’t compare yourself to others; just enjoy the process of creating something. You had that ability once and I know you can reacquire it.

 Intimidated by an empty sketchbook? Don’t wanna ruin a white page? That’s OK; find something you don’t mind ruining. Grab a half-used notebook and a ballpoint pen. You EXPECT those to look horrendous. If you can have fun filling that notebook, you can have fun drawing regularly, and if you draw regularly you can slowly improve your art. It happened to me. I went from rarely drawing to wanting to do it every day. I still sketch in ballpoint now; it’s fun and comfortable.

Also, if drawing’s NOT fun? That’s OK too! There’s loads of ways to express creativity; go do do one of those. For me it was The Sims 3, then knitting, then drawing. Find something accessible and build your confidence up. The world needs bonsai trees and Minecraft castles just as much as drawings. <3

#3 – Seek Instruction

You’ve made drawing a habit, congratulations! You’ve probably learned heaps already; it’s natural to work out techniques as you go. But deducing art wisdom from scratch isn’t super efficient. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel when you can learn so much from others.

You can do a paid course (great way to meet people), but you don’t have to. All the information’s free on the internet! Teachers will cover the same things in different ways or from different perspectives. There’s no exclusive knowledge; the more you study, the more overlap you’ll notice. It all comes together for a more complete understanding of fundamental concepts.

Here’s some of my favourite resources (currently all available free online)(except the Winslow one which was taken down, boo):

  r/artfundamentals, ie. drawabox.com . A great starter course on how to hold a pen, draw lines, build forms and so on. You can follow structured lessons or just practice whatever you need to.

How to Draw: Drawing and Sketching Objects and Environments from Your Imagination, by Scott Robertson. This book’s the gold standard on perspective and great for technical thinkers. It gets VERY advanced but there’s basic stuff to learn from as well. If the textbook intimidates you, try this excellent video playlist by Dan Beardshaw. He walks you through the same concepts in a simple approachable manner. Vital information if you want your work to look 3D.

anything by Andrew Loomis. He’s an icon for a reason; the Loomis head is a standard art tool to this day. I also enjoy the anachronistic career advice (“all advertisers will pay for a well-drawn head” or whatever it was). Here’s the ones I’ve read and enjoyed:

Fun with a Pencil

Figure Drawing for All It’s Worth

Drawing The Head and Hands

Creative Illustration (my current fave, great for composition)

Classic Human Anatomy in Motion, by Valerie L. Winslow. Hot take – people who say “learn anatomy” to beginners are idiots. SO MANY fundamentals come before anatomy if you wanna draw good-looking characters. You’ll get better results studying proportion, form, gesture, shapes and composition first. But if/when you want to learn bones and muscles, this is the book for you! It’s probably overkill, but I loved the breakdown of facial muscles and how they create expression. Top-tier reaction image material.

Proko!! Fabulous Youtube channel. Not only is Stan a great teacher, he invites on other artists too. Just go to his search bar and plug in a keyword; you’ll always find something helpful. I recommend his channel if you want to draw humans (loads of gesture, forms, proportion, anatomy etc.), but there’s a video or two on everything. Some of my other favourite videos:

Mind-Blowing Realistic Shading Tricks. Simple effective intro to light and shadow, I still go back and learn from it.

How to Draw Dynamic Shapes – FORCE Series Part 3. So compelling I bought the book afterwards. Blew my mind, instantly improved all my shapes and in turn my composition and gesture.

Painting Skin Tones and How Light Affects Color. Marco Bucci’s a genius with colours, he explains value and saturation in such fascinating ways.

Digital Shape Carving with Scott Flanders – good companion to the shading video above, teaches dramatic silhouettes and cel-shading within a really interesting workflow.

Google. Any question. Throw it in. Someone’s made a video or reddit post about it. You’d be surprised! I swear, the number of times I’ve typed “composition tips” or “digital watercolour clip studio paint” or “how draw horse head”.

Remember, take it easy. Don’t burn yourself out. Back off if you feel the tears creeping in. Study should supplement your drawings, not replace them. If in doubt, revert to step 2 – “bad” art is better than no art.

4– Study Life

If you did step 3 you’re way ahead of me on this one. USE REFERENCES. Draw things from photos (or real life if possible). Fill your brain with visual information. Here’s a thread I made for sharing references of humans.

What if you prefer to draw from imagination? That’s fine – try a hybrid approach. Doodle whatever comes to you, then look up references and try again. For example I’ll doodle a bear, then draw from photos of bears, then doodle new bears using the things I learned. It’s fun and also a good way to test your knowledge. You may also enjoy combining different references; eg drawing animal fusions, combining poses with an outfits etc. It gets easier to do the more you practice.

Between art pieces I keep a balance between drawing from imagination, drawing from reference, following art lessons, and studying other artists. Speaking of which –

5 – Study Art

Ever heard “Don’t draw anime until you’ve learned anatomy?” or “Learn the rules before you break them?” I strongly disagree with both of those statements. Fundamentals are great but there’s never a point you stop learning them, and studying life won’t teach you how to stylise. That’s why you also need to learn from your favourite artworks. This gets easier/more efficient as you build your broader art skills, but you can learn styles at any point of your art journey (see – step 2). In fact, it makes study more enjoyable, since stylised art can look better and feel more “you”. You already know what you want to create– why not start now?

Let’s take anime as an example. That’s a huge genre with loads of variation. So, what’s your personal taste? Round and cute, or sharp and serious? Choose your favourite shows and study how they do it. Observe their lines, shapes and proportions. Then try it yourself. Make fanart. Not only is replication good art practice in general, it’ll teach you a bunch of new tricks. For original work, pull from loads of sources, the more diverse the better. Work in your love for Silver Age comics or medieval tapestries or German expressionism. The more places you learn from, the more unique and personal your style will be. Your art becomes a visual scrapbook of all the artists you love. I think that’s beautiful. <3

 6 – Find Community

Art friends! Best thing ever. You can bond over your shared obsession, commiserate over tough parts, and learn about art together. A lot of my drawings are in-jokes exchanged with my BFF. I’ve known them from childhood (lucky) but apparently adults can make friends too. Fandom spaces are great for this; many Discord channels have a dedicated artists’ zone. You can also try r/sketchdaily or challenges like Mermay/Inktober if you want a sense of community.

If you don’t have art friends (yet), that’s OK; parasocial works too! I like watching “Draw With Me” content on Youtube. It’s great to put on while you’re creating, especially when you don’t have the energy for something educational. Not only is it inspiring, you can learn tips and tricks along the way. And of course, you can never go wrong with Bob Ross.

 7 – Be Interesting

The very first step was to manage your health. In a way, we’ve looped back to the beginning.  Because no matter what you do, art begins and ends with who you are. You can practice fundamentals 12 hours a day but if you never live your life, you’ll never make interesting art. No one cares for artists whose only character trait is how hard they grind. So go be the most vibrant version of yourself. Take up weird hobbies. Make weird friends. Seek new experiences. Question the beliefs you grew up with. Read books for a while instead of drawing. Develop your principles. Embrace what makes you different. Survive the worst year of your life somehow. Learn what makes you thrive. Your art won’t be for everyone. But it WILL mean the world to some. And to me, that’s the whole point of doing this. Good luck, fellow artist. The world is your adventure yet to come. I believe in you. <3

[zuuriell]

i felt like doing something so imma do this for the month! i’ll put all my answers below the cut because it’ll probably get quite long lol

1. Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (aka POTS)

2. well, it’s pretty complicated 😭 i’ve had some symptoms for probably like a year, but around late april/early may this year i couldn’t even shower or stand up too long from how bad it got. the uk healthcare system is absolute shit though, so even tho i’ve been a&e multiple times and tried to explain how much it’s all been affecting me, i still don’t get to see a cardiologist until february 2024 :( but we’ve ruled out other options of what it could be, and my mum’s cardiologist friend agreed when i said i thought i had POTS, and my GP agrees, and my potsie friends agree so i’m kinda like unofficially diagnosed as of now?

3. relating to the last point, i am not officially diagnosed yet because of the slow asf NHS so yeah :,) but i mean to figure out what i was experiencing was POTS, it did take me like 8 months? but probably around 10 for me to accept the fact that i most likely have it too 😭 an official diagnosis unless i can rack up the money to go private is probably gonna take me like another year at this rate, but hopefully it won’t be that long

4. i have to pick just one? LOL uhh probably the blood pooling! it’s so annoying because especially when im out and about, i can’t be with my legs in the air 24/7 so it’s always bound to happen. compression socks help but only to an extent, and it stops me from doing so muchhhh :( it means that queueing for things and standing for more than a couple minutes is so so much harder, and if i have too much blood pooling in one day then my can legs ache for DAYS after that. it’s so painful and annoying and just aaghhh i hate it

5. on a regular day: i wake up, chug water which i leave by my bed for the mornings, get out of bed slowly and walk downstairs to make breakfast. i chug electrolytes and go for a short dog walk, then come home to do schoolwork and my family make lunch/dinner so i don’t have to stand around too long. i’ll make sure i get any chores done that i can, and i’ll try to chill in the evening

on a bad day/flareup: i wake up a lot later, have my electrolytes with water and only get out of bed when i need to. i’ll do schoolwork from my bed (if i feel well enough to concentrate), and have salty snacks rather than proper meals, unless my family make me anything. i stretch from bed to combat deconditioning, and if i feel decent enough i can have a bath

6. i don’t have access to any specific medication unfortunately, so i currently just manage with painkillers when my chronic pain is extra bitchy + anti-nausea meds when i feel sicky

7. salt sachets (the little ones you get at like mcdonald’s and stuff) to shove in my purse/pocket in case symptoms flare while i’m out, compression garments, electrolyte tablets, and a recliner bed so i can raise my legs more when resting

8. electrolyte drinks!! not the tablets though (i hate the taste of all the tablets except like 1 lol) - my fav is making electrolyte drinks from scratch! at the moment i really love iced lemon water with honey and salt. i also saw smth about this fancy coconut water drink to make so i may try that and it may become my favourite :0

9. salty crackers, salt and vinegar/ready salted crisps, mcdonalds fries (stfu i know these aren’t healthy but they’re my favs 😭), pretzels, nuts

+ my fav foods to dump a bunch of salt on: pasta, veggies and dips (SALTED CUCUMBER IS SO GOOD), pizza, chips, soup, risotto, probs almost anything i eat tbh

10. i’ve only got one pair but i love them so shoutout to my knee-length black compression socks <3

11. i don’t have any 🥲 i really wish i could have a cane or maybe even a rollator but my family make fun of me and i can’t afford one lolsies

12. i try to do some stretching in bed so that i can safely work against deconditioning, keeping very hydrated, trying to stay upstairs as much as possible so i don’t have to suffer my staircase, asking family to make food for me so i can save energy, taking pain meds when needed, having a cold bath (if possible), trying to keep preoccupied with work if i can, but if not i’ll watch movies on my ipad and stuff

fun fact: i wrote this on a flare LOL so oddly fitting and now i’ve already made myself a plan for the next few days!

13. the thing that’s helped me most is accepting that something is wrong and remembering to listen to my body. going through life pretending that i’m perfectly abled and don’t have anything wrong causes much more harm to me than letting myself rest a few days. it definitely isn’t easy though - i still find myself getting stressed over work deadlines don’t get me wrong, but i’d like to think i’m getting better at adapting to things and noticing when a flare is coming on so i can be prepared to take the time for my body to rest.

14. chairs are your best friends now. i steal the chairs/stools from the kitchen table whenever i’m doing chores standing up for more than 30 seconds. compression socks also help! OOH and if you’re using hot water/heated stuff and struggle with temperature dysreg, i usually grab myself a cup of ice to munch on or an icepack to hold on my chest so that i don’t overheat :)

15. i’m afraid i don’t have much input for this as i left school for health reasons 😭 but i suppose keeping hydrated, getting accommodations such as not too many stairs + being allowed to take more days off to rest for flares, compression gear where possible, staying high on sodium + electrolytes, and extended deadlines would be good!

16. i’m gonna sound so silly for this but i love rewatching my comfort stuff. i’ve got my fav youtubers + fav films/series all compiled in a list, and i spin a wheel to decide which one i’m gonna watch! other activities i enjoy though are reading, playing video games, doing goofy quizzes online, chatting with friends, and going on pinterest sprees!

17. leading on from the last prompt, my fav is a marvel movie - tbh all of them bring me so much comfort but my favs are avengers, black widow, loki and any of the thor films <3

18. my main support system is my wonderful boyfriend, kurtis @agere-tomhiddleston-imagines 💚💛 he’s helped me through so much and he’s so supportive of me no matter what, and i love him dearly for that (and how awesome he is in general ofc) <3 other than that, my parents are semi-supportive! they still get things wrong sometimes but overall they’ll help if i need things and they handle all the shitty healthcare workers for me so i truly appreciate them for that 😭🙏 ooh and definitely just the general online community of chronically ill people/potsies!! i love y’all so much 🫶

19. okay i don’t know if this counts because she was an orthodontist rather than a doctor/nurse, but when discussing me getting braces she asked about my medical history and i explained it all but said i haven’t been diagnosed so i understand if she can’t accommodate me. then she said to me, “hun.. just because you don’t have a piece of paper with a few words on it, doesn’t mean you aren’t ill. if you’ve got symptoms but no confirmed cause, you’ve still got the symptoms, and i’m not gonna ignore those unless you want me to” - the validation was so relieving after years of fighting for doctors to listen to me and believe me :,) ❤️

(i’ll update this throughout the month! <3)

[jess-abides]

Vent/rant re: weight, diet, etc below the cut

Yesterday my BIL told my husband and me that if we need a new doctor and wanted to try some weight loss meds, he has a bunch at his practice. And I immediately shot it down and said I’m not interested (growth) but tbh I’m having a lot of feelings about it. I’ve been putting in the fucking work, physically and mentally, to feel better about myself and get healthy. I’m feeling great - strong, confident, capable - in and out of the gym. I’m doing things I genuinely did not know I was capable of and getting stronger every day. Least importantly, I’ve lost 25lbs and 20 inches in the last five months. ALL WHILE fighting with my own brain every step of the way - forcing myself (and letting my trainer bully me) to eat regular meals, fighting every urge to diet or count calories, trying not to let the scale tell me my value each day, processing and unlearning a lifetime of fatphobia and diet culture and disordered eating. And I’m really fucking proud of myself for even getting this far!! But idk, that one comment from him was just so deflating and yet infuriating. Like it doesn’t matter how hard I work, it won’t matter unless I’m skinny - even to my family.

[linzsaw]

My Monthly Favs What’s in my cup:

Every morning I drink iced coffee made from my one & only Nespresso machine. The past few months I can’t get enough of the double espresso blend, and then I add a bit of whole milk (happy cows only) and sweet cream. I can’t find anything better from Starbucks or anywhere else. Sometimes if I’m craving a hot drink, I’ll head to Dutch Bros for a hot Carmelizer and it is totally worth the cringy 9 minute forced convo with the DB crew. I also start my day with electrolytes, currently in the watermelon flavor. It’s surprisingly really delicious but I miss the Electrolyte Synergy blend that I was drinking for a long time, which has been sold out for almost a year now. :’)

What’s on my plate:

Dinner lately has been the laziest in America. After our trip, Drew & I either have the same ole chicken, rice and veggies, a spicy “mexican bowl” or some form of pasta, usually with Raos Arriabatta sauce. This week we’ve been stuffing our faces with Trader Joe’s frozen meals. We promise to be better next month, but we are really exhausted and the last thing we feel like planning are meals. However, for the last week of December we actually have some things planned for the holiday weekend. On Friday, we’re hitting up the town as we do every year to walk around and see the lights, and find festive little bars to try out new Christmas cocktails. We plan to spend Christmas with just the two of us. For Christmas Eve we are making our annual corn beef, cabbage and carrots because apparently we are super Irish (confirmed by 23&me which btw leaked all my genes to hackers). On Christmas we are having tri-tip, garlic & butter brussel sprouts, and mashed potatoes. The Christmas cookies we’re making this year include White Chocolate Cherry Shortbread cookies, Peanut Butter Blossoms, & Holly Leaves. Okay and now that I’ve told you all that, the Christmas cocktails we decided on this year are The Mistletoe Kiss (a vodka, soda water, rosemary & cranberry drank) and Bad Santa White Russians. I also heard that Moon X Pinot Noir from Trader Joes was really good and lately the Redvolution just isn’t doing it for me.  Let me know if you want any of these recipes, ladies. I will make sure to find GF, DF, and V options. 

What’s on my bookshelf:

I’ve finished two of the Colleen Hoover books, and now I’m reading another one of hers called Verity. It’s kinda depressing but that’s kinda the vibe as of late so I’m into it. 

What’s in my playlist:

We love the Sia Christmas album. It’s so fun and happy. Believe it or not, Andy introduced me to it lol. It’s so good!! Other songs I’ve been into are I remember everything by Zach Bryan and Kacey Musgraves. It reminds me of a family member rn which is very depressing to me. Fun to cry to. Bubble - STAYC, Surround Sound - JID 21 Savage, Baby Tate, Adora Hills - Doja Cat. 

What I’m up to:

Making our house into a winter wonderland of lights. Watching hella hallmark movies. Being seriously lazy, not working out or eating healthy. Walks with Snoop around the park. Mandala scratch off nightscapes. Reading at 3am when I was jetlagged. I had a sleep study this month too, no sleep apnea for me, back to mouth taping! It really does help with quality of sleep for me. You should try it! Also magnesium spray on my feet (shout out to Aly). This has helped with my restless leg syndrome that we’ve all experienced. This weekend, we’re making all our foods and cocktails, going downtown, driving around with hot choc to look at lights, and heading up to Rocky Mountain to hike a bunch of mountains. 

Skincare Saviors:

My skin gets so dry in Colorado, its TERRIBLE. And now that I’m saving for a house, I had to break up with my amazing esthetician, who by the way I stole this template from. I’m obsessed with Dermlogica thanks to her. I use a miscellar water if I wore any make-up. If not, I just double clease with my face wash. In the AM I’ll use my Rosehip Triple C+E Firming  Oil, followed by COSRX snail mucin essence, and a magical mix of calm water gel and intensive moisture balance. 

Love you long time,

Li

[striving-artist]

I'm...not sure food-based punishment IS okay? (I don't mean "you need to eat this because it's (supposed to be) healthy for you even if you don't like it", I mean "I am specifically making you eat a food you don't like because you did a Bad Thing"). Idk i think food as a punishment (and even reward) system could foster a lot of unhealthy eating habits or attitudes towards food.

But i've also never had kids and don't plan on doing so, so my opinions on that are all theoretical

Got a whole whole bunch of answers in various forms. Hallsy, I’m using yours to post because a bunch of comments went beyond the scope of that post so I don’t wanna clog it up.

(Crap this is long because I was working through my own thoughts and I don’t feel like editing)

— TLDR: parenting is hard, long as it’s not malicious, I’m probably not grabbing my pitchfork. —

One: didn’t know he told his kid they were normal apples. That’s nine new layers of wtf.

General Consensus seems to be that any tying of food to punishment (or reward) is shaky ground. And a lot of general statements on kids and food, all fascinating. Couple of comments for intuitive eating, which I think is a mostly great thing… but feels a little disconnected. It isn’t always applicable if you’re broke. Same thing with offering kids a different option if they don’t like that food. If you can only afford the single vegetable on sale and covered by Snap(they’ve improved the system but it’s still imperfect) that week, or if you’re eating whatever the food bank had, disliking a food isn’t enough reason to not eat it. I’m an adult, still hate veg, and still make myself eat some.

If they truly hate it, sure, you’ll avoid it and won’t make them eat it. But when the choice is Kid eats Zero Produce or Kid eats French Cut Green Beans, most parents are gonna insist they eat the beans. Kids are not logical or consistent. Yesterday they adored beans, today, they’re having a tantrum. Planning for their moods is hard, and I often side with the parents.

I also got a lot of general vibes of “the parents should never make a mistake in child rearing” that made me uncomfy. I wish that was a option. Really. But its not gonna happen. Ever. Not only does advice and recommendation change over the years, parents are humans. If you get home after two eight hour shifts in a row and need to make dinner, I can’t blame you for only making one meal choice or being a little snippy when they decide corn is the devil. Heck, less than that.

Legumes make my stomach real unhappy. I didn’t understand why but I knew I didn’t want to eat them. As in, they once said I couldn’t leave the table til I ate the dinner (chili) so I stayed there til midnight. (this was when dad realized this wasn’t just me being a brat and he’d make sure there was a spare stack crackers and extra cheese) But there were three kids, and it took til I was out of the house before it mostly stuck in my moms head that I hated legumes. (It’s cool. I never remember her birthday, she still sends me legume recipes) I know it made her batty that I fought every vegetable. My family loved veg and fruit. I had to be bribed to eat other than my four acceptable ones. I would also have found me very frustrating and probably said “eat it or not, but I’m not making you your own meal” pretty often. Parenting is exhausting y’all.

There’s also the factor of multiple kids. My siblings faves were meals I despised. (See above, chili, which the whole family loved) And vice versa. I’d i was happy, they were suffering. Cooking full alternate meals wasn’t an option(god we were poor) and yeah, they’d give me more of the part I hated least, and I never went to bed hungry, and it wasn’t done as punishment, but my child brain sure as heck thought it was.

The most damaging food based childhood thing wasn’t punishment, it was how hard they tried to avoid wasting food. Again, I get it. They bought the food that was on the cusp of going bad, it couldn’t sit in the fridge for five days. But that meant my dad pushed this No Leftovers thing. And, if you put it on your plate, you had to eat it. All three of us, to this day, have trouble leaving food on the plate even if we’re full. Again, not great, good intentions, he didn’t want us to starve, caused some issues, but not punishment because it wasn’t intended or treated that way.

Specifically on the punishment via food thing, I still find a weird grey zone here.

Say you have four meals planned for the week. One is your middle child’s top five foods. Middle child fights a kid at school. You decide to change plans and not cook that one tonight. (It’s me, I am middle child) that’s definitely in the Punishment category, because you’re withdrawing a promised Good Thing. But I’m totally cool with it now. I took that kid down hard, no, I don’t get to have my fave that night. Or the next.

That’s in the pile of ‘until you X to make up for it, you can’t have Y’ which is a solid thing to me? “Until you apologize for stealing all the crayons from your brother, you can’t keep coloring.” That’s instructive and reinforces better behavior. It being food makes it shaky. I get that. It’s why I asked for opinions in the first place.

I think I’m drawing my line between foods you dislike vs hate. You’re not starving, you’re just not happy about dinner.

And seriously, fuck that guy for the sneak attack spicy apples. If you and your kid show mutual affection via pranks, I’m probably okay with it, cause it’s one bite, they spit it out, and begin plotting revenge. Also, if they’re old enough to pull pranks, they’re old enough to understand that it’s not malicious. But dude. Wtaf

[whentherewerebicycles]

made mung bean soup over brown rice and oh man I am FULL. it was very very good but I feel a little sick now—I didn’t eat THAT much but I think the beans have a shitload of fiber and that plus the brown rice might’ve been a little much. mm but I’d definitely eat it again especially on a cold rainy day—super warm & spicy & filling.

the best part is that I modified the original recipe and it turned out sooo much better. I’m at a point in my learning-to-cook journey where I can look at a recipe, imagine what it’s going to taste like, and figure out modifications either ahead of time or during the cooking process as I taste & adjust. the base recipe I used for this one was very easy but seemed super bland so I added a bunch more curry spices, doubled the garlic + ginger, chopped up celery and threw it in for a nice little crunch, squeezed in some tomato paste because a commenter suggested it, and added fresh lemon juice to taste at the end because I thought it needed a little extra zing (and I was right!!). I also feel like I’m getting much better at evaluating the doneness of various ingredients by sight/smell/taste rather than relying on timers and fixed heat settings, which is one of the things samin nosrat talks about in salt fat acid heat. I’m also getting a more intuitive sense for like… oh this ingredient’s denser so I need to add it before these other ones, or this veggie has more water so I want to add it at this point rather than this point, or spicing the onions now will draw out more flavor than waiting till that later step, or whatever, even if my sense of what to do lightly contradicts the recipe… and so far I think it’s producing better results than when I’d follow recipes religiously but produce pretty bland or uneven meals.

idk man! cooking is fun! I started this learn-to-cook project because I wanted to be able to 1) make easy healthy mostly-vegan meals and 2) teach my kids basic cooking skills from a young age, but I guess I wasn’t expecting it to be so much fun as like, an intellectual and creative challenge yknow? like obviously I am a person who loves to learn new subjects but I don’t really learn new skills all that often, and I’m surprised by how engaging it is (and how novel it feels!) to get slowly but steadily better at something where you can really see/evaluate your own progress. I guess writing is one of my favorite Hard Skills to work at but idk it’s just different! writing doesn’t give you the same type of immediate built-in feedback you can get from cooking… and also idk with writing it’ll often be weeks or months or years before you finish the thing you’re working on, whereas with cooking you’ve actually made something within an hour or two and you get to enjoy the product of your work right away or share it with others. anyway!! really enjoying this year of focused exploration & skill-building in cooking.

[2bsk1nnyblog]

————————————TW—————————————

———————————ED TW————————————

I have no one to talk to about my struggles and feel like I’m going insane so I’m venting here, TW it’s kinda harsh.

No matter how much I push my fingers down my throat nothing comes out of my mouth. I binged and I can’t throw up, I’ve tried every « tips » but nothing works.

To balance out that binge I’m going to increase my daily exercise and go on a fast for two days. My new plan is to only eat on wednesdays and weekends. Hopefully I won’t binge again.

I also decided to change my ugw. My old one was 34-33kg now it is 30 kg. If I’m consistent and strong enough I will reach that weight on my birthday, October 30th.

After many mental breakdowns in the past two weeks, I’ve realized it’s the only way people can ever take me seriously bc for now they tell I’m skinny but not « too » skinny, which means that I’m not thin enough for them to be considered ill. I don’t think I’m that bad bc I could in fact be more skinny but if you’re struggling with eating problems and are at what is considered to be a « healthy » weight or « overweight » I want you to know that you are valid and people are most of the time ignorants.

There is some other girls at my school struggling with eating too. That really doesn’t help. It’s my last year in high school and in 3 years I was never able to even have one meal at school. Eating is hard but when you’re surrounded by (very) skinny girls, like my friends, it’s just impossible to eat. One girl that I kinda know lost a bunch of weight during summer. She had a « healthy » body mass and now she’s severely underweight, to the point that I didn’t recognize her at first. I’m really sad and concerned for her but every time she walks by, my heart just drops and I feel like my eyes are going to pop out, I can’t stop thinking to myself why and how did she get so skinny so quickly when I’m barely eating 400cals since nearly 4 years and not losing weight. I’m saying that but during those years, even if most of the time I ate really little, I still had periods where I would definitely overeat.

I’m so dumb but honestly if my family didn’t love junk food I wouldn’t even need to fast. I would love to throw every single food present in my house right now and replace with almost nothing or only low cal and vegan food. (I’m vegetarian but I’m considering becoming vegan so that way I’m going to be morally forced to not eat some types of food, I know it’s fucked up but honestly I just wanna drop the weight and die)

[coraz0ndegranada]

*personal info dump: tw ed & body image etc.*

i-

what they say is true. when you’re in a happy relationship you put on some weight, but this time it is different.

My current relationship is healthy in the sense of communication and all the pros you could imagine. We eat out a bunch (which I’ve been slowly changing) but mostly the concern is portion. He wants me to have everything I ever wanted. He knows I’ve had problems with food in the past, so he gets concerned if he thinks I am pretending to be full.

I understand, yk? You don’t want to see someone you care for in any type of agony, especially self inflicted. He’s a man who loves to indulge me so it’s hard to be mad about. We run together we skate together we dance all of it. Between work and needing to rest the frequency isn’t enough to keep up with how much delight we take in sharing a meal.

I’ve never been a small girl, my body is the opposite. I carry a lot of muscle but never put in the time or effort to define them. My strength is quite high. There’s just enough of a visual difference in how I look now v the time I met my love and I’ve been struggling to grapple with it.

This time I am committing to myself that it isn’t about how I can control this situation when a lot of other exterior stressors are inserting them into my life. This journey is about being able to run and have fun getting my breath back. It isn’t about being “skinny” anymore, it is about how I can retain my strength and lose fat while being conscious that I simply cannot be consuming as much as a man does.

I deserve to feel like I’m putting the time in for myself. Working out feels good, and I also use it as an offering of pain up to God. To sweat is to calm the mind.

Enjoying food shan’t be hindered this time round, ladies!!!!!

[nancypullen]

Countertop Eve

 I’m as excited as a kid at Christmas. We get our countertops tomorrow! After nine months in this house the kitchen will be finished! I spend a big chunk of my time in that room and it will finally feel like mine.  I cook a lot, I mean a lot, and I like my work space to be pretty and functional.  I don’t think that’s asking too much. These new countertops will stand the test of time. Since we’re on the topic of kitchens and cooking. I have decided that I am part elephant...or maybe panda. They eat tons of veggies and stay plump, and I am living proof that humans can do that too.  Most of my snacks and meals are made up of fruits and veggies.  This is what my cart typically looks like when I’m shopping -

Top to bottom - a bag of apples, blueberries, bananas, broccoli, green beans, romaine, 2 packages zucchini, carrots, celery, there’s a bag of basmati rice, two pounds of lean ground turkey, chicken breasts, and salmon.  Those two cans are extras to go into a big pot of vegetable soup.  Did I also cruise down the candy aisle and pick up a bar of dark chocolate with sea salt? Guilty.  But that cart usually feeds us for a about a week.  It’s not keeping me thin, but it is keeping me healthy. Knock on wood!  I guess I’ll have to be content with that. Quick snack - just cukes with a tiny sprinkle of Maldon salt. I love baby cukes and a big bag is usually under three bucks.

Those green beans? I’ll roast a bunch and eat ‘em for lunch. I spritz just a little olive oil, a sprinkle of sea salt, and then a few shakes of this black urfa chili.  It creates a deep, almost smoky flavor.

I roast them until they’re blistered then I squirt a half tablespoon of garlic aioli (yes, I know I could make my own, but this is soooo easy) into a dish for dipping. I swirl it around to make it look like more - who do I think I’m fooling? It’s delicious.   So 45 calories for the aioli and whatever is in that spritz of olive oil. I probably burn 45 calories loading the dishwasher. 

  Here’s a more fattening veggie dish, but not by much. Slice some zucchini lengthwise, lightly salt it, and leave it to sweat for about 20 minutes. Dab off the water.

Spray a pan with olive oil and plop them in face down until they’re nice and brown.  

Turn them over and pop them into a 400 degree oven for a few minutes. While that cooks, grab some fatty and flavorful toppings.  I chose reduced-fat feta, red pepper flakes, and my bff, garlic aioli.  No, I don’t eat it every day. Only on days when I want to be happy.

A schmear of aioli on the plate is enough.

An extra  sprinkle of red pepper flakes doesn’t hurt either.  When your zucchini is done (we’re talking just a few minutes, you don’t want it mushy!) plate it and give it a crumble of feta and more flakes.

This was a delicious and filling lunch.  Just because I followed it with a square of dark chocolate for dessert doesn’t negate the fact that my lunch was less than 200 calories; 45-ish for the aioli, about the same for the feta, and then the olive oil.   One medium zucchini is 33 calories. I probably burned that while cooking it.  The feta is a good source of B vitamins, calcium and phosphorus - so it’s almost medicine, right?  Like I said, I’m round but very healthy.

That said, it’s time for more water and something yummy for lunch.  Dinner tonight is salmon and roasted broccoli.  Lunch is probably going to be veggies.  Mostly because it’s good for me, but also because my husband can’t stay out of Craft Bakery!!

I think he’s trying to kill me.  He went out this morning to take photos and came home with a haul from the bakery.  My only real weaknesses there are her quiche and the blackout cookies.   This plate doesn’t tempt me.  The quiche is roasted potato, caramelized onion, and cheddar and it’s sitting in the frig calling my name. Pray for my salvation.

Me too, Mae, me too. With that in mind I’m going outside in the sunny 46 degree weather to try to clean up that scraggly tree line and pull some ivy off trees.  I can’t hear the siren song of the frig out there.  I’m thinking of spring and what I want to see when I look out the windows to that back yard.  My itty bitty Jane Magnolia has buds, it survived the winter!  In a few years I’ll have a pretty pink tree out there.  If I want to live to see it I’ll avoid the quiche.  My good genetics can only carry me so far. I hope that you’re having a lovely Thursday and can get outside and turn your face to the sun. We’re already seeing longer days and I’m a fan.  There are daffodils up all over town and that always puts me in a sunny frame of mind. March up here came in like a lamb, so she may exit like a lion - but her sweeter sister, April, is waiting in the wings.  Here comes the sun, folks!

Sending you love & sunshine! Nancy

[ericaloses]

Hey, Hi, Hello.

Well, here I am again. Who am I? I’m Erica, 46, and it seems in a perpetual struggle with gaining weight.

My current weight is my highest ever, and is the result of grief and depression after I lost both my parents and my stepmother in the space of five months last year. We’ve just passed the first anniversary of my mother’s death. None of the deaths were expected, Mum was given up to six months and passed at three weeks.

Anyway...

Weight Loss Goal: Get from my current weight (around 132kg) to under 100kg. 95kg would be ideal.

Measurements Goal: I’m not sure what to aim for with my measurements, but I would like to get my stomach (measured at the navel) much closer to my waist measurement (measured just below the ribs, I have a ridiculously high waist). My stomach was never a place I held weight before I was put on Lyrica for my fibromyalgia - that was the thing which initially started me re-gaining weight I previously lost.

Fitness Goals: I hate being sedentary and unfit, so this is where a lot of my focus is going to go, trying to find a new balance that allows for chronic pain as well as fatigue.I need to work my way up to these goals, and keep in mind for myself that rushing in will not do me any favours.

exercise 7 days per fortnight

increase work out intensity/duration monthly

work on incorporating resistance training

increase walking distances

basically just get to the point where I can move much more

I would love to be able to do weight training again, but my wrists and shoulders are fucked. Also, about seven years ago my podiatrist told me I’m never allowed to run again because of my hip dysplasia. Which sucks, because I love running. There is an old bike here, maybe I can see if I remember how to ride one!

Food Goals:

stick to mostly water for drinks

cut down on ice cream

take away no more than twice in a fortnight - this allows a meal out when we go to the city for shopping day, plus one “lazy” meal option at home

cook good things in bulk and freeze

be aware of portion sizes, don’t “upsize” to counter flagging energy

Timeline:

I think with my current energy levels and executive dysfunction, aiming for two years is a good goal.

Exercise I need to get onto immediately. Which I’ve been saying since July.

I need to keep myself on track with food starting immediately. I have been making improvements with food, but slipping sometimes.

I’ve had fitblr/weight loss tumblrs before. I deleted one several years ago when I was in a bad headspace and just needed to wipe all my slates clean, then I had a bunch of false starts with Yes I should, ugh I can’t fitness and weight stuff. I’ve made an entirely new blog this time so I can have a focused dashboard with just weight loss and fitness stuff. I’m somebody who likes to compartmentalise things and file my information in the correct place.

I won’t be counting calories, part of the reason I’ve had so much trouble with weight fluctuations throughout my adult life is because I suffered disordered eating as a teenager, and tracking calories puts me back into the headspace of wanting to “beat the number”, which I know is not healthy. Instead I’m focusing on focusing my mind via this blog, and using Map My Walk to keep track of the walks I’m doing. Also doing my best to eat mindfully, not restrictively.

I no longer hate my body, but at this point I am physically uncomfortable and extremely frustrated by my lack of ability to engage the part of my brain that has always been up and out for a walk or off to climb a great big hill, or buzzing to get a work out done.

If you’ve made it all the way to the end of this post, you are a champion, and deserve a medal! 🏅

[shadowqueenrules-blog]

TRIGGER WARNING! Brief mentions of throwing up, body dysphoria, and abusive relationships.

So….I wasn’t always a big bodied person. Up until senior year of high school I was 135 lbs at the most. Even though I was at a healthy weight for my body, I was still unhappy with it. I kept saying I wanted bigger boobs or a bigger butt and I never felt beautiful. I always covered myself up in oversized sweaters and sweatpants, multiple layers, and anything form fitting freaked me out to no end.

Senior year of high school, I got really sick. I was throwing up everything I ate, doctors didn’t know what was wrong, and I was losing a pound a week. I ended up missing ten percent of the school year because I kept having to either miss school or go home. I ended up having to go to a nutritionist to help me not only retain what I eat but also gain the weight I lost.

Basically what the nutritionist told me was to snack throughout the day and have one big meal instead of eating three meals a day. Now I’ve always loved unhealthy foods, and this just made it worse. I ended up getting really addicted to food. I felt weird if I didn’t have food in my hand or on my desk. Surrounding me was also a mentally abusive relationship that I was in for over a year and a half, a mother (that I love absolutely, but this was still messed up) that kept disappearing to go visit her then-boyfriend further down the state to leave me by myself, classes that I was behind in because I was still missing them, social pressure cause most people at school wouldn’t talk to me, and more.

In the end, it took ten months before I finally got a diagnosis and got it under control. The relationship I was in ended literally a day before I found out. My mom was spending more time with me. And I was back in school.

The snacking is a huge addiction which I am still fighting today. I still crave to have a bunch of unhealthy snacks throughout the day or go to a fast food place down the street cause I don’t feel like cooking.

In 5 months after I first saw the nutritionist, I went from 130lbs to 170lbs and it would continue to grow over the years. At this time I’m 250 lbs.

My senior picture that was from the beginning of the year looks nothing like what I looked like when I graduated high school.

I’ve tried different things to lose weight from general working out, judo, kick boxing, and so far nothing has worked. I go to the gym almost everyday now and signing up for things to keep me motivated.

It’s strange cause I know my high school self wouldn’t even want to go to the gym at all. She’d probably laugh at the idea of me wanting to actually be able to run a mile in under 12 mins. I know that my endurance is definitely better than it was back then.

I still struggle to look at my photos before I got sick because I looked so different.

I want to get healthier. I want to lose the weight. I just am scared that my body will never let me. But I am NOT going to give up. I have goals and I am going to lose the weight. Im going to continue going the gym a lot and trying to eat better.

And I’ll let you know how it goes.

Anyways, thanks for letting me rant. I just wanted to put this out there.

[mycurrentobsessionstuff]

I think I was 8 when my mom first commented on my food intake. It started very small. “Are you really gonna eat more? Should you really eat that?”

Looking back at photos I was a very regular size child, even slim, and didn’t see any problem. It very slowly escalated over time and I started hiding sweets, eating for comfort when alone at home, anxiety building as I got older.

I started gaining weight over a long period of time and when I was maybe 12 the drastic diets started.

My mom would buy me meal replacement bars, insist I skip the carbs, have me try every extreme diet she stumbled upon. My least favourite was the soup and juice diet.

So I ate in secret, more than needed, and gained weight. But as my teenage years hit the mental toll got too much and her wish came true. I lost weight. I went along with all her diet ideas, I even stopped eating. At 15 I spent almost a year eating fruit and vegetables and I remember weighing myself and reaching 58 kilograms (about 125 pounds).

My mom still wasn’t happy but at 16 I started high school (in Sweden we move schools and choose a field of interest to study at 16) and I was with a bunch of new people. Turns out.. I was not at all overweight and I started questioning my mom’s words and actions. It was hard to break free of the mental toll.

(Not to mention I’m also trans so hating my body felt normal and familiar)

I’m still working on it and I still eat when anxious or stressed but I’m very healthy. I have a physical job, I eat balanced meals and lots of fruit and I move my body every day. So I’m deciding not to hate myself anymore and know I’m healthy.

Looking back at photos I was never as big as mom made me feel. Not even now. It’s about her, not me.

[inorganicpixie]

I consumed so many damn calories this last week. Including today.

But today, I got up and I worked out and I had a healthy breakfast. I ate a bunch of junk and binged through the day. But I tried to push through the compulsion to binge at least a little more than I have been doing and I’m working on it right now by not going into my fridge.

I drank my 64fl oz of water today. Hit and went over my step count goals. Now, I’m going to drink my lemon ginger tea before bed and either watch something on my phone or my laptop before bed.

I have prepped and planned meals for the next few days. Ik I won’t be getting back down in weight anytime soon. Since idk what is the cal count on the things I’m eating. But I am currently just trying to get myself out of binge and compulsive eating mode before I start to try and res again.