#I'm definitely not lonely and desiring cuddles and kisses | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess · 1 year

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A thousand times, until the end of the world

Happy Valentine's Day to all who celebrate!

Life has been super busy for me and I have been unable to fulfill my promise of writing a series of drabbles until Valentine's Day - but WangXian are in love every day so I'll keep posting them even if it's after February 14th.

I wish you all love - no matter if it's romantic, platonic, for your family, your pets or your favorite piece of media.

This fic is very long, very cliche and I was very embarrassed writing it. I hope you enjoy it!

Wei Ying was definitely going to petition the government about this - it was so unfair and, he was quite sure, illegal, for him to have to be working on Valentine's Day instead of spending the day with Lan Zhan doing cute romantic things and also each other. If Christmas and New Year can be free days, so can Valentine's. How could it even be expected of him to focus on meetings and projects when all he wanted to do was be with the person he loved on the global day of love?!

"Stop being so pouty." Wen Qing flicked his forehead as he sulkily ate his lunch. "Don't you get to spend every single day with Lan Wangji?"

"You don't get it, Qing-jie!" He lamented, biting into his sandwich, "Today is special!"

"Corporations capitalizing on human emotion to make profits isn't special, Wei Wuxian."

An eye roll. "You're like the Grinch of February 14th. Once you get a girlfriend, you'll think otherwise! Everyone is like this on Valentine's."

"No, I'm pretty sure it's just you. And Lan Wangji."

---

All Wei Ying wanted to do was go home and cuddle his boyfriend. Since they'd both had long shifts and were tired, they would probably just spend the night in, order takeout and make love - which sounded heavenly to Wei Ying. He could already imagine himself latching onto Lan Zhan and being carried all the way into their-

The apartment was unpleasantly quiet, dark and empty. Wei Ying let out a frustrated groan. So much for his dream night. Did that stickler Lan Qiren really keep Lan Zhan overtime even on Valentine's? That bitter old man, of course he would! What would he know about love of all things? No wonder nobody married him!

But before Wei Ying could send Lan Zhan a whiny text about not being home, his eyes landed on a beautiful, red envelope, a rose on top of it as it rested on the kitchen counter.

Curious, Wei Ying opened it, and his features softened as his eyes scanned over the beautiful callugraphy:

My dearest and most beloved Wei Ying,

A limousine will be waiting for you in front of our apartment complex at 8pm sharp, and I have lovingly prepared a box for you to find on our bed with clothing and accessories I wish for you to wear. This is my first gift for you tonight, I can only hope it will be to your liking.

Fate has kept us apart for many years, cruel and unyielding to my longing and unquenched desire for you. I have spent endless, lonely days and the darkest of nights with only the bright, beautiful image of you to keep my misery at bay. Such has been my unbelievable luck to find you again and be granted the honor to love you and be loved by you in return, a gift from the gods to make up for my painful existence away from you.

I must ask you to forgive my temporary absence right now. Forgive me for not being there to kiss away your day's woes, for not welcoming you the way I so impatiently dream to do from the moment I leave our home in the morning. I am holding onto the thought that you will soon join me as tightly as I wish to be holding you. Please grant me a silver of your patience, and we will be soon reunited.

I will be waiting for you earnestly,

Forever yours,

L. Z.

Wei Ying's cheeks burned so red it felt as if his face had been set on fire - and if his heart beat any faster, he was quite sure it would break out of his ribcage and leap to wherever Lan Zhan was. Of course he would do something like this - so impossibly romantic but just as impossibly secretive about it. Wei Ying could only be glad that his gift had been ready in time - it had taken him weeks to make the perfect engagement ring to give Lan Zhan, carefully crafting it with the help of the best jewelers he could find.

With that knowledge in mind, he walked to their bedroom, smiling so wide all the way until he entered it and found it decorated with beautiful flowers - and red satin bedsheets on the mattress. Lan Zhan definitely pulled all the stops, didn't he?

A simple but rather large red box rested in the middle of the bed, with another rose on top. Wei Ying opened it and found a beautiful red cashmere shirt of incredibly good quality, a pair of black pants, a fine golden necklace with matching earrings and - Wei Ying chuckled audibly - a pair of very lacy black panties.

What could he do but try them on and send a picture?

---

The limousine had arrived at precisely 8pm - but Wei Ying had finished getting ready much quicker and had been so impatient that he waited in the lobby for 20 minutes - so he almost jumped into the luxurious car the moment it pulled up.

In the backseat, another red envelope and several gift bags awaited.

My most beloved,

I thank you for your patience once more, as my own is beginnig to fade into the familiar ache of missing you, my soul yearning for yours so earnestly. I could never express it into words how much I love you, the feelings you have awoken in me far beyond the measliness of human language.

I am often rendered speechless around you, bewitched by your incredible beauty, your genius and your admirable character. The compliments I am telling you, the words I am writing for you do not even come close to describing how immense my love and admiration for you are.

I have attempted to show you, as much as the modest means of mortal existence allow, how much I cherish you and how I am doing the very best I can to make you happy. Please accept these few gifts and the hours I have put into trying to find something worthy of being yours.

Forever yours,

L. Z.

Wei Ying couldn't help pressing the letter to his heart, overcome with emotion. He had known Lan Zhan loved him, had seen it and felt it in all the ways it could ever be seen and felt - but seeing it laid out into words made Wei Ying feel as if love had started coursing through his veins instead of bloodstream.

The gifts were so thoughtful Wei Ying could cry - from little trinkets and items he'd mentioned to Lan Zhan in passing, to various new electronic devices he needed (and sturdy cases and chargers for all of them), high quality jewelry, a new travel cup (how had Lan Zhan known he just broke his own that day?), even a new tea set just like the one Yanli had gifted Wei Ying but he lost when he moved from his own apartment into Lan Zhan's. Everything had a little note on it, something along the lines of "you liked this once when we were at the mall", "to replace your old accessories", "to make it easier for you to lay out your ideas" - there was so much love put into every detail.

And at the bottom of one of the bags, there was a thick little book. Another letter rested on its first page.

Every day I have spent with you has left me with such wonderful memories - and I have noted them all down, so I never forget them, no matter how much time passes and even when my memory may fail me in old age. This is my image of you, this is who and how you are to me - and if I am ever not there for you and the world feels like it has gone against you once more, please find comfort in this book and let it offer you proof that you will never be alone ever again.

There were somewhere around 400 pages of paragraphs - compliments, vivid descriptions of mundane moments (like making coffee together or grocery shopping) or various events (birthdays, anniversaries, holidays), waxing poetic on Wei Ying's everything. How he reacted to things, what he looked like, how it made Lan Zhan feel. Plans for the future, little dirty fantasies in elegant language, wishes for a life together forever.

One could never finish such a long literary piece as quickly as the driver had parked at the destination. The weight of the ring in Wei Ying's pocket only served to strengthen his resolve.

---

The moment the driver announced they'd arrived, Wei Ying leaped out of the car and ran into Lan Zhan's arms, kissing him with fervor. His passion was returned tenfold - Lan Zhan had really not lied about missing him, his lips so ravenous and needy.

With great reluctance, Lan Zhan ended their kiss, arms still holding his beloved tightly. "I love you."

"How could you do all these sweet, romantic things to me today, huh? I could have died, you know!" Wei Ying scolded, playful. "I love you too, by the way. Even if you're so mean to me!"

"Wei Ying deserves to feel loved. If I must bully him into it sometimes, I am willing to take responsibility after."

Wei Ying smiled, knowing and mischevios. "Oh, you will. Did you see the picture I sent you?"

"Mn."

He let a hand glide over the sharp contour of Lan Zhan's jawline, "Did you like it?"

"I will show you when we get home."

Wei Ying really wanted to pull him into a kiss again and not wait until they got home - but Lan Zhan took a disappointing step back.

"Dinner first."

"Aw, come on..."

"I have cooked your favorite. Also, I am sure you have only had one meal today and you need nutrients."

It was only then that did Wei Ying notice that a beautifully set table awaited them, surrounded by candles and mood lighting, two steaming dishes on top and two glasses of wine. The table had been strategically placed on the cliff overlooking the city so that the twinkling lights of the metropole would be visible.

"You really did think of everything, didn't you?" Wei Ying smiled, so fond and in love. "I feel like I'm in a fairytale romance. I always feel like that, to be honest, but this is..."

"Special."

And they toasted to that, before digging into the food. Lan Zhan had really outdone himself with it, and even the amount of spice was perfect - so much so that...

"You're really husband material, Lan Zhan." Wei Ying laughed as he took a sip of his drink. "You cook so well, you clean, you spoil me... I should really marry you already."

Lan Zhan didn't reply at first, but there was something in his eyes that Wei Ying couldn't quite place. "I would be honored to be Wei Ying's forever." he said, at last.

The admission made Wei Ying's entire body vibrate with excitement.

---

After dinner, Lan Zhan laid out a soft blanket so they could admire the city as they finished the wine. Lan Zhan hadn't had much, and Wei Ying had tried not to drink it all from nerves and excitement - so now they sat, reminscing, watching the landscape.

"This is where we first met, isn't it? You were so angry I disrupted your meditation that evening!" Wei Ying laughed, bumping shoulders with his lover. "I was quite sure you'd kick my ass down the mountain when I sat next to you!"

"Wei Ying has been... troubling from the start."

"What, did I haunt your teenage fantasies from the start?"

When Lan Zhan didn't answer and his ears pinked up in response, Wei Ying howled with laughter. "You're the best, you know that? If it's any consolation, I couldn't stop thinking of you either, even if I had no idea why. Thank God I wised up!"

A few beats of silence passed. Wei Ying played with the ring box in the pocket of his pants as he spoke. "You know, Lan Zhan, I think you're really great. In other words, I like you, I love you, I... I whatever you. It can only be you."

The honeyed pool of Lan Zhan's eyes glistened with emotion. "Wei Ying..."

And it was just at that moment that both of them produced two ring boxes, one light blue, the other crimson red.

They both laughed, the unshed tears falling from their eyes.

"Lan Zhan..."

"Wei Ying."

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes, a thousand times, until the end of the world."

Wei Ying carefully slid the ring over Lan Zhan's finger, trembling just a bit, but so grateful that it fit so well. It looked like it belonged there.

"Wei Ying..."

"Lan Zhan."

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes, a thousand times, until the end of the world."

The moment the ring rested on his finger, Wei Ying finally felt like the world fell in its rightful place.

And they kissed under the fireworks that burst out of nowhere.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #writing attempts

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heartofspells · 2 years

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Hello holli dear, have some ouchies om this wonderful Monday.

You kiss me, you soothe me,

Embrace me, feel free to me

You catch me, desire me

Infinite scares me

You call me, you hear me

You save and disturb me

Believe me, rob me

Smothers and numbs me

You breathe and live me

Shakes and trembles me

Trust me, consider me

As a human being and restrains me

Of evil dreams

Who show up

The lonely questions of finite happiness

With your curls like night

How you talk, how you smile

How to soften your voice as close as an angel

Flowing into my dreams

Infinite voids

You brake me, you tame me

You stir and move me

I miss you, I miss you

I grab you, I grasp to you

I want you, play you

I stir and command you

To stay with me in dark nights

To no longer yearn for you

Let me go

I must now...

Alone

And hold me when it's necessary

In mind

And I look for you in everything around me

But sometimes I think it's better this way

I can't help but miss you sometimes

Ooh, I'm smothering you, froze you

Redeem, and lost you

Gone to another place but I hear you

Embrace you, warm you

I see you and feel you

I pet you, I caress you

I hug and cuddle you

You mature me, understand me

Confuses and misleads me

It scares me sometimes

How much I look like you now

My smile, my tears

My love with my life

I'm sorry about everything

Come help and free me

And let me go

I can do it...

Alone

But hold me when it's necessary

In mind

And I find you in everything around me

But sometimes I think it's better this way

I can't help but miss you sometimes

I kiss you, I kiss you

I extinguish and I extinguish you

You stay very close to me

But in my head you rest

Had to save this for after work, but yes, this is definitely all the pain. And we love it, don't we? This is going immediately into my library.

#music #dutch music #ask #answer #britt tag

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lavadrop05 · 1 year

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While my sister has all these shows at her feet I can't even get a water hose. Wtf is wrong with me? Every time I talk to a guy it always ends badly because all they want is to “let off some steam”. No one actually wants me. I'm definitely looking in the wrong places. Guys at school never look at me and the ones online want to see too much. At work, we're definitely not looking at each other and even if they were I wouldn't be looked at. I want a relationship. I fantasize about being picked up by my boyfriend from work and us doing to cuddle. I fantasize about having a sleepover with him even if it's all cute and nothing spicy. I fantasize about him helping me fix my driving skills. I fantasize about cooking and baking for him and making paintings for him, and buying him small gifts, and showering him with kisses, even buying him flowers no matter how “taboo” it is. I wish I was a black girl's beauty standard. Everyone would want me. I would be desired and needed. Being me is filled with having PCOS, being pre-diabetic, and being lonely. I wish to be loved and to love them back. I wish to at least start a potential connection. While everyone else rinds in many relationships that never leave the talking stage no one talks to me. I want to have a conversation. Where do I find this? I want this. Why can't I have it? What is wrong with me? It has to be something wrong with? Am I not worthy of this type of affection?

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dreamties · 2 years

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The Lost Boys W/ a Werewolf Partner!

a/n- sorry this took so long??? I was really excited about this, but editing it (as per usual) was a fucking nightmare. hope the length makes up for it a bit hehe :-)

anyways, gender neutral reader! A bit of angst regarding mortality, but it's mostly cute stuff <3

I'm not really sure where the trope of vampires and werewolves not getting along came from but- rest assured! The boys do not share in that same vile disgust for any of your werewolfian traits <3

They actually really love it hehe

While they much prefer everyone to be vampires, at the very least immortal, they're just happy they found such a wonderful partner who is also non-human!

I've touched on it before, but having other supernatural creatures to interact with is really nice for them. It's really validating. Someone else that understands their struggles and pain, but also can let loose more in ways that human partners cannot.

They like to keep things new, fun, exciting! Which is just SO perfect with the five of you. It's almost hard not to have things constantly changing.

The boys will eventually grow out of the "party all night", nothing can touch them, attitude. They will hopefully mellow out in time, but for now, even as the youngster vamps they are (only a hundred years old, give or take)- they desire a quietness, too.

So, it can be a bit of a hassle for the five of you sometimes. But the boys do find little ways to find and enjoy downtime <3

One of which includes everyone's favorite, cuddling!!

They also love cuddling you during the full moon, after everyone has gone out hunting.

Being big enough in your wolf form to cradle a boy in your arms, and the rest cuddle and curl and stretch around you. Marko's twirling your fur in between his fingers. Dwayne nestles his head, forehead meeting yours, arm around your neck. He kisses your snout, and you playfully growl in return. Wrestling David into your arms, even though as the 'leader' he feels a responsibility to be the protective one. Tease him, tell him there's enough space in the cave to all be protective of each other- he'll tease right back. An unfamiliar warmth creeps up on him, he feels loved in your arms. Paul curled into odd positions, head lying near David, lower body covered in the swoop of your tail. It feels like home.

Oh my gosh, speaking of hunting actually !!

These vampires run in a bit of a pack, so it's only natural to them that you would join them on hunts. but if you're more of a lone wolf type, they'll end up begrudgingly agreeing to let you go out by yourself. It's not even that they don't think you can handle it (though if you did ever come back hurt, it might be harder for them to let you leave like that again- it's worrying for fucks sake!), it's more that they feel so much safer when all together.

It was a close call with Michael; never again would they split up.

The five of you may all be wiry and weary, not-so self-proclaimed monsters (though you can basically feed off the terror, respect that drips from that title), but so was the life beyond your safened sector of Santa Carla

They try not to ruminate on the fact you're not immortal for too long though. It makes them sad to think about. While you may have enhanced senses and abilities, and a longer lifespan than humans should have- you're not like them.

David often has to let the younger of them know that everything will be okay, he's handling it. (barely. truthfully, he's panicking a bit)

Some werewolf lore says that they are indeed immortal, but assuming you're not running with a pack before meeting the boys- I doubt you would know that for sure.

They would definitely try to convince you to be turned by one of them! How the traits of werewolf & vampire would mix is entirely lost on everyone (side note: I will absolutely explore this at a later date if folks are interested!!)

Anyways, moving on from that glumness-

Something that I love about these boys, is that as rash and wild as they can be- they still take care of each other. They watch each other's backs, bring back food when they feel too unwell to head out, act as mirrors- styling and caring for each other's hair, double checking wears and tears, do they have any wounds or aches and pains despite their healing abilities?

And this pack, its familiar nature lends itself to all that it takes in.

While you're able to transform at will- most of the time, that is- a lot of mental and physical energy is taken out of you for full moon transformations.

Like bears will hibernate for the winter, you'll be excruciatingly tired for the first days after. You'll doze in your den (the cave), and the boys try their best to comfort you, and not to wake you during their nightly escapades, or when they return at dawn, noisy and boisterous (and maybe a tad drunk)

You're more likely to lead with the sharpness of aggression then the comfort they usually know you by- but remember, this is only for a few days.

If you take on visual aspects of your supernatural side when you're not fully transformed- the boys would go wild over it.

There's this raw sense of energy. Connecting with the beast, the inhuman- allowing them to feast in the pride of their existence. Unholy, untamed. They should be able to celebrate the way their faces snarl and scrunch up when they feed. To kiss the hair criss-crossing your body, to love how your ears perk up when they praise you and flirt and tell you they love you. The excitement that rolls over you, that has you acting like a pup or a household animal, rolling over and begging for tummy scratches and any affection they're willing to hand out.

There's a lot of play fighting & 'wrestling' with ur boyfriends hehe <33

Despite how their actions can tend towards treating you as a pet, if any outsider- another supernatural or otherwise- talks to or touches you like that, there’ll be hell to pay. Realistically, the perpetrator would be dead before they could even think about that! How sweet of your boys <3

Regarding hunts once more and the like, if you have already dealt with your needs-- you might insist on joining the lost boys. If the town seemed more dangerous that night, or your boys too rowdy, afraid they'll meet their end with a pre-sharpened stake before morn rolls around. You take can take the hits, your injuries will eventually heal. It's worth it to know you're serving them, protecting them.

if the boys will do anything for you (and they do <3), then so will you protect them at all costs

Overall, this is just a very mutually beneficial relationship! And they love you to your core; inside & out; werewolfness, oddities and all :3

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lipstickstainz · 3 years

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true lies - s. r. (7/15)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Series Summary: Spencer is furious, when you rejoin the team after a year and after you left him, when he got arrested. Little does he know, that you leaving him was the only option to ever get him out of prison

Chapter Summary: Girls night - and Spencer and you accidentally meet each other the day after.

Warnings: a little bit of angst, and fluff

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: I'm sorry it took me song long, but I was really busy. I hope you like it! gif not mine.

Series Masterlist

previous part

"Will you please pass me the can of glitter?", Penelope asks. Everyone gives her confused looks, except you. Your gaze is fixed on the pictures in front of you.

"What do you need glitter for?", JJ asks, taking a sip of her wine.

"This is supposed to be a vision board", she grins, grabbing the reddish can Emily holds out to her. She twists off the cap and sprinkles a little glitter on her hand before letting it trickle onto the glue-covered cardboard. "In my vision, my future is full of glitter. With the cruel things we have to see every day, everything should be full of glitter."

Emily has to grin, but raises her wine glass. The others do the same. "Here's to a future full of glitter." As the others toast and glasses clink together, you silently slide the pictures back and forth on your drab piece of cardboard.

It's been Penelope's idea for you girls to get together on a Saturday night to create vision boards together. It's been a week since Spencer and you spoke, and Penelope couldn't take your suffering anymore. She had tried so many times to cheer you up, but nothing had worked. Your heart was broken, your world was shattered, but Penelope can't take it. Ridiculous.

At first you were against it. In the last days you were just vegging out, your emotions as if erased, repressed and burned out. If you allowed your true feelings, you would break. You got up, went to work and went to bed at night. You weren't capable of doing more than that, because even every breath was far too exhausting.

And then, all of a sudden, the girls had shown up at your door. Their bags were filled with craft supplies, sleeping stuff, and alcohol. Penelope, not knowing what had even happened, had rounded everyone up and decided you needed cheering up. You wanted to slam the door in her face, but there was so much pain in her gaze and only then did you realize that you weren't the only one to suffer. Your friends were suffering with you and their visit was a kind attempt to get you back on track. And it started with them forcing you to shower and put on a sweater that didn't have a coffee stain on it.

"Y/N?", Tara addresses you and it takes a moment for your eyes to focus back on the piece of cardboard in front of you and you realize that you haven't put a single picture, saying, anything on it yet, while everyone else's hands are covered in glue. In your friends' faces you see confusion and pity. You look away. "You haven't picked out anything for your vision board yet."

Because I don't know what my future will look like without Spencer by my side, you reply in your mind. You don't want to pretend you can imagine a future without him when he's been a big part of it for years. And most of all, you don't want to admit it.

"What do you think of this one?", JJ asks, pushing toward you the snippet she's cut out of one of the countless magazines Penelope has brought. The words are written in thick letters. "Trust the timing of your life." Funny.

"Do you want to tell us what happened?", Penelope asks quietly, sipping her cocktail. There's already red glitter on the glass. "We can see how bad you are."

She only means well and she's also a good friend and actually you want to tell, but then it would come true. As long as you keep your conversation to yourself, you can pretend it didn't happen. You could go on as before and hope that everything will work out. But it wouldn't be the truth.

The truth is that Spencer and you would never get back together.

As you begin to tell it, all the dams break. Tears are streaming down your cheeks and you have to gasp in between as the words get stuck in your throat. No one interrupts you, they just stare at you, amazed that you are actually talking. And you don't leave out a single detail. You tell them that you were standing outside his room at night and he slammed the door in your face.That he wanted you off the team and insulted the crap out of you at Rossi's party, only to cuddle with you on JJ's couch afterwards and then call it a mistake. You tell them about the angry kiss, about your fights and reconciliations, and finally you tell them about your last night together and your conversation.

When you're done, you reach for your glass, which you haven't touched yet, and drink the wine down to the last drop.Only when the glass is empty and you put it down do you look at the others again. Uncertainly, you look around and recognize an infinite number of questions in their faces, which they don't ask - to be honest, you wouldn't have the answers either - and mixed feelings, which you can't interpret despite your good profiling skills. But there's one thing you can recognize in every look you meet: pain. And even though they look at you with a lot of pity, you don't regret telling them about it.

If you break from it, you know the girls will put you back together.

"That's ... a lot”, Tara says first, taking a sip of her cocktail. You nod mutely.

"We always hoped you'd find each other after all”, Penelope confesses, twisting the glitter jar shut.Apparently, she's lost the desire to put more on her cardboard.

"Even though you left Spencer, we always thought it was for a reason other than you didn't love him anymore. You were the perfect couple and we just couldn't imagine it." Up until this point, JJ had been suspiciously quiet. She looks up from her cardboard. "And now you're back, and the way you're suffering right now, we can imagine it even less. So why would you say that to him? If it's not true after all?"

"That's enough, guys. We should change the subject”, Emily interjects pouring wine into your empty glass. You're infinitely grateful to her. Talking has drained you, and just thinking about Spencer hurts. Talking about it doesn't exactly make it easier to deal with it all, but the weight on your shoulders doesn't feel quite so crushing anymore.

"You still love him, don't you?" Penelope sounds hopeful. And you don't want to take away her hope, and especially you don't want to lie to your friends, but it has to be done. You promised, even swore, that the deal would stay secret, and it was already too dangerous to have told Emily then. You wouldn't risk your friends' lives.

"No, Penelope." The glimmer of hope in her eyes goes out. It's a feeling you know all too well.

"I don't want to get too close to you, Y/N”, Tara begins. "But then why do you feel so bad? If you didn't love him anymore, then you wouldn't be so heartbroken, would you?"

And you don't have an answer to that anymore.

The topic is over and will not be brought up again. At the end of the evening, your cardboard is still empty, but you feel a little better and you mentally make a note to yourself that you owe them. When the girls say goodbye the next morning after breakfast - Penelope hugs you a little longer than the others - you head out as well. Thanks to your friends, you've realized that there's nothing you can do about the situation, that you're going to have to deal with it - and definitely not alone - and that sitting lonely in your apartment waiting for a miracle to happen is not an option.

The warm sun on your skin feels good, like a hug, and you reach out to it as you walk to your favorite bookstore. There are many people out and about, walking or shopping. Countless people are sitting in the small cafes, eating and drinking and talking. You've only been back in D.C. for a few weeks and it feels like you've never been away.

Over the past year, you've been on the road a lot, not only in the States but also in Europe. In addition to work that has sent you nearly halfway around the world, you've sat in the Hamburg State Opera, eaten in the cute cafes in Bucharest, and admired the medieval old town in Lund, Sweden. You've seen and experienced so much, met new people, but nothing resembles home. And not being able to be here for a year had been incredibly difficult.

As you enter your favorite bookstore, the smell of old books rises to your nose and goosebumps spread across your warmed skin. How much you missed it. You may have been to other bookstores, but you know this one like the back of your hand. How you've missed this. You walk down the aisles, running your fingers over the various spines before stopping at a book. The cover is a faded red and somewhat damaged, with white writing that makes you want to pull it off the shelf and open it.

You are so engrossed that you don't notice how someone comes up to you and stops next to you.

"I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair," the person begins to quote and you wince, but don't turn around. "Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets. Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day I hunt fort he liquid measure of your steps."

You have to swallow, put a finger between the pages to find the poem again before closing the book and turning around. "Hi."

Spencer smiles at you. "I didn't think I'd run into you here."

You pucker your lips into a thin line. "Yeah, um, I haven't been here since I got back. Wanted to see if it's changed."

Oddly enough, it doesn't feel strange to be standing in this bookstore with him, considering you'd been here almost every day before and this moment is the first time you've seen each other outside of work since you had your clarifying conversation. Nervous, though, you are. You suppress the urge to tap from one foot to the other.

"So, has it changed?" Spencer tilts his head, but doesn't avert his gaze from you.

You shake your head. "Not really. But I guess the salesgirl who had the hots for you back then doesn't work here anymore." You try to lighten the slightly tense mood with the joke, and it seems to work. Spencer laughs out loud.

"I still don't think she had a crush on me." His smile widens, and it's so infectious that you have to smile, too.

"One hundred percent”, you return, nudging him lightly with your shoulder. "It was pretty funny watching her flirt with you all the time, but you didn't go for it."

The bookstore is completely empty except for you and the clerk at the entrance. Silence surrounds you, but it is not uncomfortable despite the circumstances and the new situation. You just stand there smiling at each other until Spencer takes the book from your hand.

"Neruda writes beautifully." He flips through the book once before handing it back to you. As your fingers graze, a flash goes through you, but you try not to let it show. "Very nice poems."

You nod. "I know. Only know him through you”, you answer truthfully.

Spencer has to grin. "True." He runs a hand through his tousled hair. "He's in that book I gave you once."

"Right." You don't want your conversation to end, and you don't want to leave, but it would be best for both of you. You're not ready to be friends yet, and while your meeting doesn't feel awkward, you're not sure how to handle it. You tap the book and look at him.

"I'll go pay for that." You walk past him, but turn back to him. "It's good to see you, Reid." You use his last name on purpose, knowing full well that his first name is reserved for friends. And in your opinion, you're not ready yet.

"It's good to see you, too."

You nod to him again before leaving without turning around again. You feel his gaze on you anyway.

When you get to work the next day, there's a gift on your desk. It's wrapped in brown wrapping paper and a cord is tied around it and tied into a bow. Simple and beautiful. You set your bag down, confused, before sitting down and inspecting it.

"Who's this from?", Luke asks, walking past you to his desk. You shrug ignorantly.

"I don't know."

The gift is slightly larger than your hand, but not particularly heavy. After opening it and putting the paper in the trash can under the desk, you take a closer look at the book. It's black, and the cover features a plain white flower, with the word "poetry" engraved underneath. As you open the first section, you come across something written. You recognize Spencer's handwriting.

"And then the day came, when the risk to remain tight in a bud, was more painful than the risk it took to blossom - Anais Nin."

Your heart skips a beat and you block out the feeling spreading through you. You flip through the book and realize it is completely blank except for this poem. The pages are lined and practically screaming to be filled.

"Do you like it?", Spencer asks, sitting down across from you at his own desk. He sets his fresh cup of coffee down in front of him and you give him a friendly smile.

"It's wonderful." You blink away the tears forming in your eyes. "Thank you."

"I found it in the bookstore after you left. And I know you like to read poetry, and I thought you could write down your favorite poems in it." He takes a sip of his coffee.

"That's very sweet of you. Really, thank you, Reid."

"Spencer." A thin smile spreads across his face and you warm. "My friends call me Spencer."

next part

- tags -

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leahblackk · 3 years

Text

Lies pt.2

(The gif is not mine. Whoever made this thank you so much and I’m sorry)

Summary: Spencer wants to apologize and explain everything to Y/n, but will she let him?

Type: Angst

Hey!! Look, I wanted to make just two parts and that's it, but while I was writing it more ideas came to my mind. Anyways, enjoy!

People who asked me to tagg them; @rexorangecouny and @b-a-utiful

Pt.1

Pt.3

. . .

Y/n stared at, what seems now, a really awful and boring white wall in front of her. Blanky and space out from reality.

When she stepped into the bullpen with Emily Johnson, everyone stared at her in shock, but at that moment, she thought that was because of the fact that her boyfriend cheat on her with a criminal, an unsub until she looked at her left and let a sigh out of her lips. After all, it wasn't because of what had happened. It was because of the girl by her side.

They approached her and asked her questions. She gave them answers without the minor detail of what really happened with Cat. The one people said she didn't need to worry about. But they were wrong, so was she.

Hotch called the Johnsons, and they were happy, thanking Y/n for her act of bravery.

Her coworkers noticed her odd behaviour; after all, it was a room full of profilers, yet they didn't ask her what was wrong, maybe because they didn't want to push her to talk.

Y/n was thinking.

How was she supposed to move forward after what has happened in the last hour?

How was she going to "get over it" and move on?

Not after all the desires and dreams, she had with Spencer. The one she thought was the love of her life, the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life—the one she loved.

The one who had her hands on Cat's hair, kissing her like he was in love with her, kissing her in the way he kissed her.

They used to have a beautiful relationship, even before they started dating. Y/n had found a best friend and a lover in Spencer's embrace.

She thought about all those nights when they watched Star Wars and discussed the storyline. When they watched Harry Potter and agreed, they both belonged in the Ravenclaw house, and they also were Hufflepuff and a little bit of Slytherin, and they definitely hated Umbridge.

And those nights were they cuddle up in bed, whispering in each other's ear how much they loved each thing of them and how much they loved each other, how important they were and how happy they were because they found each other.

God, they even shared an apartment.

Now she was there, thinking about Spencer, her Spencer or the one she thought was hers.

Y/n was forced to get out of her memories and mind when her coworkers approached the man she was just thinking about. Her heart hurt just to see him.

She wiped the tears in her cheeks and looked at him.

Spencer gave his coworkers polite smiles, trying to focus on the only thing he wanted, Y/n.

His eyes looked over the bullpen, trying to find his girl so he could go and tried to explain himself to her, even when he knew it was going to be difficult because she was very proud, just like him.

Then his hazel eyes land on her. She looked away from her boyfriend, not so boyfriend. His world stops. She looked beautiful. She always looked beautiful.

But then he noticed her red eyes, and then he knew. She has been crying.

He would go over her ignoring everything else, not caring about anyone but her, hugging her, asking her why she was upset, and trying to make things better. But he couldn't, because the reason she was crying was his fault.

She looked at him hurt. And then she stood from her chair and took her purse. Ready to leave.

Spencer panicked, watching her walk in front of him. Spencer starts walking.

"Y/n," He said, but she didn't stop. "Y/n please" now tears were in his eyes, taking her elbow.

"Spencer, please let me go," She whispered. Her voice cracking at the immense pain she was feeling, hoping that Spencer would let her go to their house and packed everything so she could leave him.

She didn't dare to look at him. She knew she wasn't that strong. And how could she? When she was feeling sad, and like the world was on her shoulders, Spencer was the one who comforts her. But what happened when he was the reason she felt that way?

"Let me- Just please let me explain." He begged.

"Let you explain what?" She finally looked at him with anger and sadness. "The way you dared to kiss her when you told me how much you hate her? When I was the one who comforts you when you were sad about all the things she did to you? Do you want to narrate to me word by word how well you enjoy that kiss while I was in fucking front of you?" Even though everyone stared at them, they didn't know why they were arguing because she wasn't yelling even when she wanted to, neither did he. They were the only ones who knew what was happening.

"No, I want to explain why I did what I did."

"Spencer, please" Y/n looked at him in disbelief. "There's no other reason. I think it is pretty obvious. You didn't had the guts to tell me you didn't love me anymore. You didn't tell me that you were lying all those times when you told me that you loved me and you wanted to be with me."

"I never lied. I love you, but you didn't tell me either about the letters she was sending you. So I guess you weren't honest."

Y/n chuckled in disbelief. "You know why I didn't tell you about those letters?" Spencer nodded. "I didn't tell you because I thought It was nothing. You were there with so many problems and those horrible migraines that I didn't want to add more. I cared about you."

Spencer's eyes soften at her words. "But I don't care about anything about that, Y/n. You are my girl. You are my entire world. I want to be there for you, even if I am not so well because you are always there for me. I want to help you, doesn't matter what."

"I was." She said.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"I was your girl. We are over."

. . .

After the fight they had, Y/n turned off her phone because people called her, asked her what happened. She didn't have the energies to answer those calls.

She just left, now, Spencer's apartment with her belongings. She didn't want to bother anyone and answer their questions about what happened. She could have stayed at Emily's or Penelopes, but she didn't want to.

So she turned to her old house. It was cold and lonely, maybe because she felt that way.

Y/n had bought a house when she came into Virginia. When Spencer and her started dating, Spencer decided that it was better to stay in his place because it had a better view. It wasn't that cold like hers and, in Spencer's words, was cooler than hers.

But she didn't put her house in sale, maybe because a part of her knew something like this could happen, and she never liked to stay at her friend's house for too long.

She sat in her old coach and took her phone out of her purse. She turned it on, feeling the light way too bright on her face.

The phone started getting all the notifications, all the messages, and all those missed phone calls.

The first one she answered was Penelope. She knew she would freak out because she wasn't responding.

Y/n didn't say anything more than she was okay, repeating the same answer to all of her friends.

She listened to her voicemails: her friends and four of Spencer.

Y/n bit inside her cheek, thinking if it was a good idea to listen to it, but before it was too late, she did.

"Hey, darling. My angel, I really don't know if I can call you like that anymore, but you are always going to be my angel. You obviously know who I am, and I also know you don't want to talk to me, but I think this is important, and-"

"Sorry, my last voicemail got cut. I was saying that I am really sorry Y/n, you don't even have an idea" His voice broke. "I-I got home right now, and you are not here. I wasn't expecting you to be either, but-"

"You're not here, and your things either. You left a sweater though. The white you- your favourite. The one you always put on even if it doesn't match with your outfit because you say it is comfy. And, it smells just like you-"

"I know I messed things up. I swear I have a reason and an explanation for all of this, but please come back. Come back to me because I don't think I can't live without you. I can't stay in this empty cold house. Remember when I told you to come to my home because yours was colder? It was because you were here. Every time you are in my home, it gets warmer and feels like home because home is not home if you are not here with me. I love you, please, never forget th-"

Tears came down her cheeks. All those emotions she was avoiding were out now. She felt pressure in her chest. I felt like the reality hit her hard. She was feeling alone, she was cold, and she needed him yet she knows it is not correct.

Her phone started ringing; Hotch.

She tried to calm herself down. Breathing in and out.

"Hey, Hotch, what's up?"

"You don't have to pretend when you are around me, Y/n," He said.

Hotch knew her very well. He was like a father to her, and Y/n like a daughter to him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I-I Hotch I- I really don't want to talk about that."

"You don't have to, but please don't pull away just because of the way you are feeling. I know it is your way to defend yourself from the world, but today you got us pretty worried. You know we live in a world where there are not so good people, and we thought. I thought something had happened."

"I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention. I swear, I just needed my time alone."

"That's okay, but next time let us know, and I will tell you that I'm here for you, always. You are not alone."

"Thank you, Hotch. It means the world to me."

"Any time, kid."

. . .

After she took a bath and ate her dinner, it seems like she was doing everything on pilot, and maybe that was the truth, but she didn't know what to do.

She sighs and sits in her coach. She couldn't sleep.

Her phone buzzed next to her. Confused, she took it and saw who was calling her; Hotch.

She frowned and answered it. Y/n didn't have enough time to greet her boss when he was already talking. "Did Spencer call you?" He asked. Concerned?

"Yeah, he did, but-"

"Did he tell you to come to the office?"

"No, it was for other reasons. Why?"

"You need to come. Right now."

"Why? Is everything okay?"

"We have a case."

. . .

Y/n drove fast to the Bau, concerned about what Hotch just told her. She parked her car and took her purse out of the vehicle. She saw JJ just got out of her car as well.

"Do you know what is going on?" The blonde one asked.

"No, I thought you did.

Both confused women walked inside. Everyone was there.

"What it is, Hotch?" JJ asked and took a seat next to Emily. Y/n sat next to Penelope, far away from Spencer, who was looking at her in pain. Derek sat in the chair next to him, the one he saved for her, having hope she would take it.

"Spencer," Aaron said, giving the word to the young doctor. Spencer stood up and walked in front of everyone, where JJ usually briefed the team. Giving Y/n a quick look, but she was busy playing with her rings. A little hope grew in him when he saw she was still wearing his.

"I received a strange call today after I-I left Cat in jail. The voice said that my mom was in danger and that I need to protect her, so I brought her here. Hoping I can take care of her while we find the person who wants to harm her."

Y/n knew Diana Reid. She was a beautiful woman, and Y/n loved her. Besides what happened to her and Reid, she felt sorry for him. She wanted to help him.

Reid got out of the conference room and returned one minute after with her mom, who was shy at first, but she smiled when her eyes found Y/n.

"Y/n, it is so lovely to see you. Please come to say hi. I've missed you." Y/n smiled and stood up from her chair and hugged the woman. Spencer smiled at the encounter between the two women he loves the most. "How are you, darling? Look at you. You look absolutely stunning. How is my Spencer treating you?"

She looks over to Spencer, and he just looks at the ground. "I-I'm okay, and everything is okay." She lied.

"Oh darling, I'm glad."

"Mom, I think we have to start working. Do you mind waiting for me?"

She nodded. "Yeah, can I come back to your boss's office?"

"Yeah, please. Follow me." Hotch said, walking with Diana to his office.

Y/n walked where she was before, and Spencer followed her and stood in front of everyone. "Pretty boy, tell us how we can help," Morgan said.

"I-I actually think that we have to take this as a usual case. The profiling an-and everything, but Hotch said that we need to keep eyes close to my mom, and she doesn't trust the agents around, she has to be with someone she has spend time with and, I can't be with her because I need things to do, so-"Spencer looked at Y/n hoping she can understand what he was saying. Everyone looked at her, but she was looking at the ground until she heard nothing but silence.

"Pretty girl, that's your call." Morgan teased.

"Oh yeah, of course."

. . .

After everyone was brief, Hotch came back and told everyone what to do. Y/n had to keep Spencer's mom company and work with the profiling. Everyone was leaving to do their duties, but Y/n and Spencer were the last in the room. Not on purpose, of course.

When Y/n was exiting, Spencer took her wrist. She turned around to look at him with a severe face, and Spencer felt nervous. "I'm sorry, I know you don't want to talk with me, but I really appreciate what you are doing for me after all that has happened between us and-"

"Doctor Reid, I'm not doing this for you if that's what you’re thinking. I'm doing this for her, even though you don't deserve anything from me, and how I said, is for her. She's an amazing woman, and she doesn't deserve any of this, so please don't confuse things. If you excuse me, I have things to do." And with that, she left. Leaving the young doctor with the words in his mouth and with a hurt heart.

Y/n walked the short path to Hotch's office and opened the door. Diana was looking over the window. She turned around and looked at Y/n.

"It seems like we have a girl's day." She said, and Diana smiled.

. . .

Y/n spent almost the whole day with Diana Reid. It was now three in the afternoon. She already delivered the profile but still hasn't got a clue of who the person might be.

Spencer was getting desperate, but every time she saw her mom tried to look the calmest he could. Y/n always exited the room every time he did so.

Diana thought it was to give them space, but they didn't look in love as always. At least Y/n didn't. Spencer always looked at her in that way, trying to capture her attention, but he failed.

She didn't make any comments, but the last time Spencer came into the office, she couldn't stand that anymore. "There's something going on with you and Spencer?" The question took the doctor in surprise.

"Um, no. Everything is okay."

"Darling, you are not a very good liar when it comes to Spencer. What is going on?"

Y/n knew Spencer didn't deserve anything, but she couldn't bring herself to tell his mom the truth. "I don't know. It was just a fight we had earlier. Nothing to worry about."

"I see. I know Spencer can be a little bit of an idiot for being a genius, you know? He never loved anyone in the way he loves you. You are his very first girlfriend. He didn't even talk about any women until he met you, and he couldn't stop talking about you over and over again. I knew you were pretty special, and I know Spencer can sometimes be challenging. I mean, he's a man, after all. What do you expect?" Y/n chuckled. "But I do know that man loves you, and whatever that happened, it has its fix."

So Spencer didn’t told his mom about Maeve?

Y/n wanted to believe her. She tried to think it would be a way to fix things and everything could go back to normal, but she also knew something of its magnitude would be difficult.

"Hey, how are we going here?" Spencer asked. "Y/n um, they need you outside."

"It was fun to talk to you, Diana. I'll see you later."

"Thanks for spending the day with me."

"It was my pleasure." Y/n smiled, and without looking at Spencer, she exited the room.

She walked downstairs where everyone was. "Y/n, Hotch wants you to go where he's right now. The police said they have a witness. Morgan and Prentiss are over there right now." JJ informed.

Y/n nod feeling a strange sensation in her stomach. She took her purse that was on her desk and walked out.

Y/n walked through the parking lot until she found her car and unlocked it. She sat in, closed the door and put her purse in the other seat. When she was about to start the car, someone knocked on her window.

. . .

"Y/n told me you two had troubles." Her mom said. Spencer looked at her with panic in his eyes. "Don't worry. She's too loyal to tell me what you did wrong. But you have to understand she's an amazing woman, and there's no one like her in the world. Besides, she's the only one I like for you. "Spencer lightly laughed and nodded.

"I know, mom. I messed it up." He looked at her with watery eyes.

"Oh hun, come here." She hugged him. "I know it is hard, but I do know she loves you. You should talk to her and tell her how much you love her and that you don't want to lose her. Go, now."

Spencer felt encouraged and walked out of the room, going downstairs where JJ, Emily, Morgan, and Hotch were. No sign of Y/n. He frowned.

"What is going on?" He asked.

"Spence," JJ started talking.

"Don't "Spence" me. What is going on?”

“Y/n got kidnapped.”

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aplatonicgryphon · 3 years

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First, awesome blog. Second, thoughts on loneliness? I have a few friends that I certainly like, but I've never actively sought out friends (they just sort of... happen), I don't miss people when I'm not with them (even if I like them a lot), and I've never been lonely. Human interaction seems like a *need* for other people, and it's definitely not for me. I guess I'm wondering how you'd say not needing/actively wanting human interaction/friendship relates to (or doesn't) aplatonicism. Thanks!

I relate to just about everything you said about yourself! I’m a pretty closed-off and introverted person myself, and I’ve had people worried about me because of that, when I’ve never felt lonely. I’m happy with the friends and interactions I have now, and always have been.

I’ve also always felt weird about the idea that human interaction is a requirement for humans, because like you, I’ve also never felt like it was a need for me. And being anti-social / asocial is something viewed as negative in society, so that always brought me a lot of shame. I would stress myself out, wondering if being asocial was somehow harming me without even realizing it myself.

I think aplatonicism does have an effect on how you view and desire human interaction. Platonic attraction seems to be an inherent pull to connect platonically with people, so it would make sense that without that (or a low amount of it) then your “need” for human interaction would be reduced.

I’m also aroace as well as aplspec, and I feel that those identities also affect my desires for human interaction. I don’t want nor desire sex, kisses, or cuddles from people, and society often calls those “human needs” as well.

I don’t know anything about human psychology so these are only my thoughts based on my own asocial experiences. But I think the idea that “human interaction is a human need” is highly misunderstood in several ways.

For one, I doubt there’s a level of human interaction that every single person must meet. That level is going to be different for everyone, some high and some low, and who knows, maybe completely nonexistant for certain people.

Secondly, what counts as human interaction? People tend to think of physical relationships: of friendships, and romantic & sexual relationships. But doesn’t navigating in human society count as human interaction? Going out and interacting with cashiers, saying excuse me and thank you to strangers, and even just people-watching. And then, what about phone calls or video calls? What about texting your friends or instant messaging? You’re interacting with a human being, so those are all human interaction.

I know 2020 was all about “social distancing”, but very few people even realized that the term isn’t even correct. We weren’t social distancing, but physically distancing from each other.

Similarly, “Human interaction is a human need!” is so often thrown around, but I don’t think people realize just how hard to would be to actually live a life with zero human interaction. In that case, a “last human left on earth” kind of scenario, then maybe it would be unhealthy.

And even then, I wonder if animals could come into play and serve as a substitue for human interaction. They count towards the “need” of physical touch and petting animals helps when you’re feeling touch starved, so I wouldn’t doubt that hanging out with your pet and talking to them could also help with the “need” of human (sentient being?) interaction.

As far as coping with your own personal needs of human interaction, you know yourself best. You know when you’re feeling good, just okay, and when you’re doing bad. As long as you make sure you have the resources you need and the ability to find human interaction when you need it, I think you’re fine. I think it’s the same as any other form of self-care. You know what you need, and it’s up to you to take the intiative to care for yourself. People can try to help you, but they don’t know how you feel or what you need.

That’s what I try to remember when I have doubts. I may be closed off and asocial, but I still have friends, and I have the ability to talk to them and ask them to hang out whenever I want. If or when I feel lonely, I can take it upon myself to reach out for them.

For more thoughts, I’d reccomend checking out these posts by @raavenb2619 that cover a similar topic (X) | (X)

#asks #aplatonic #aspec #human interaction #this ok to reblog or add onto btw #i’d love to hear others thoughts #especially by fellow aspecs / aplspecs / loveless aros / and anyone else who has a non-traditional view of love and human interaction

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the-awkward-outlaw · 4 years

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Hii, I'm actually sad-sweet-cowboah and I've always wanted to request something from you! How about modern AU, Arthur surprises reader with a horse she's been really eyeing for a while? Maybe it doubles as a cute proposal? (and just for reference, a gorgeous golden Palomino Quarter Horse!)

Ah I’m so glad you sent this in to me! This was a lot of fun, and Arthur is fucking adorable! 16/10 best boyfriend/husband material, you cannot change my mind! (Will someone make that into a meme?) Anyways, have fun!

Masterlist

Read on AO3

(BTW, Arthur’s hot as hell in this pic.....)

Arthur stands on the deck of his house, lost in thought. He really should be in the barn, finishing up the last of the day’s work, but he’s worried. You should’ve been home half an hour ago and yet he still hasn’t heard from you. He’s texted you, but nothing. Maybe you’re just stuck in traffic.

You and Arthur have lived together for over a year, and been dating for over two years. He remembers how he convinced you to move in with him, as you’d been adamant. Hell, it’d been hard enough to get you to date him.

When you both first met, it was like a spark between you. However, you were scared of taking the next step with him, as you were just a natural loner. Not only that, you’d been alone for so long you didn’t think there would be anyone who wanted to be with you. So when Arthur asked you to be his girlfriend, you almost ran off, sure he was pulling your leg. However, something told you that you needed to be brave, to take the leap, so you did.

About 8 months later, Arthur really wanted you to move in with him on his little ranch, tucked in a canyon not too far from a small mountain town. But again, you were hesitant. It’s not that you didn’t love him, just the opposite in fact. You were so in love, you were constantly terrified that you’d mess up, that he’d end up hating you when you ended up living together. The last thing you wanted was to mess this up.

Then, shortly after your first year anniversary, the Coronavirus pandemic hit and everyone was sent into quarantine. Luckily you were able to work remotely, so you didn’t lose much money. It was nice working from home, you could stay in your pj’s all day, not worry about makeup, none of that stuff. But you missed seeing your boyfriend and he missed you. The two of you did plenty of video chats, but it wasn’t the same. You couldn’t smell him, hug him, touch him, kiss him… nothing. You tried doing some video sex, but you got outrageously uncomfortable doing it over video chat (what if some hacker got in?), and Arthur wasn’t all that comfortable either.

Those 60 days were some of the longest and loneliest of your life. You would’ve easily gone to his home and see you, but his little town wanted absolutely no outsiders to come in, so they blocked the roads, preventing you and Arthur from visiting. When quarantine was lifted, that was when you decided to move in with Arthur. After all, you didn’t know if there would be another one. You could work remotely, only having to go into the office a couple times a month for meetings, so the work situation with you was easy enough.

That was over a year ago, and despite your fears that the two of you would end up breaking up after a few months, the opposite happened. Your relationship grew beyond what you thought and the two of you have never been more in love. Sure, there’s been a few arguments, but nothing bad enough to break things off. For the most part, you and Arthur get along famously.

Arthur sighs again, still feeling worried. Today was one of the days you had to go into the office for meetings. They never run past five, and the office is nearly an hour away, but it’s nearly eight in the evening. You should definitely be home by now. You must be stuck in traffic, which is why you’ve not answered any of his texts. He pulls out his phone and dials your number. Why he didn’t do this earlier is beyond him.

A few rings go by and you finally pick up. “Hey, babe,” you say.

He smiles. “Hey, darlin’. Just worried about ya. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just a big accident on the freeway. I stopped and got dinner too since it’s late. Should be home in like ten minutes.”

“Good. Kiss ya when I see ya,” he says and hangs up. That’s always how he says good bye to you over the phone and you love it.

Like clockwork, ten minutes go by and you pull into the driveway. He walks out of the house to greet you, pulling you into a tight hug and kissing you like he always does. He wants to tell you so badly what he’s got planned, but it’s gotta be a surprise. Under no circumstance can he spoil it. Not like this.

After dinner, the two of you cuddle up on the couch and watch a show before going to bed. He can tell you’re exhausted. These meeting days are your least favorite and they always wipe you out. Arthur cradles your head to his chest as you lie in bed. Within seconds, he hears you snore softly, making him smile. He goes back to thinking about tomorrow.

Arthur’s owned this ranch for most of his life. It wasn’t always his though. He grew up here with his adopted fathers, Hosea and Dutch. However, Hosea was killed very suddenly a few years ago in a car crash after he’d been hit by a drunk driver. His death had been so sudden that it hit Dutch extremely hard. Dutch ended up just vanishing one day, driven by grief and confusion. Arthur hasn’t seen him since.

The ranch fell into his hands after Dutch disappeared. He secretly hopes that maybe Dutch will come back someday, if he’s still alive that is. He’d love you two to meet, as he’s sure Dutch would like you better than his last serious girlfriend Mary.

His thoughts drift to her and he feels even more nervous. He’d been engaged to her for three months before she’d broken it off. She claimed it was because she hated his location, that she wanted to live in the city, not some small mountain town where everything was far away. Perhaps that was true, but he suspected there was more to it than that. After all, when Mary’s father discovered that Arthur had two fathers, he was extremely upset that Mary was dating someone raised by homosexuals. He’s always suspected that her father had a big reason behind why they broke up. Not only that, but he wonders if she was seeing a guy on the side. How could she go from being engaged to being in a new relationship only three weeks after they broke up? Good riddance, though, he thinks. He loves you a hundred times more than he ever loved her.

You’ve never cared about his upbringing, stating that Hosea and Dutch were at least good parents to him. You’ve known far too many heterosexual parents who were awful, and how many gay couples are out there who’d love to have kids and be the best parents. You weren’t in contact with your parents anymore (he still didn’t even know what they look like), so they aren’t an issue.

Arthur starts thinking about how sad and lonely your life has been. How you spent so many years alone and how you believed you’d die alone. He’s so grateful for having met you. You don’t deserve to die alone, you’re too good of a person. He kisses your head as you sleep, overwhelmed with his sense of love for you. A smile makes its way to his lips as he thinks about tomorrow.

Over the past year, as you’ve grown more comfortable to ranch life, you’ve been thinking about maybe getting your own horse. Arthur has a few that you’re certainly welcome to, of course, but you’ve been wanting one to call your own for a while now. A few weeks ago, you’d both been in town to go to the one grocery store there. As the truck went down the highway and passed another ranch, you saw the signs “horses for sale”. In the pasture was a beautiful palomino quarter horse. It looked like it was made of gold as it grazed in the sun. You begged Arthur to stop the truck and just go see the horse.

He pulled over, unable to resist your excitement, and you went to the fence. The palomino, along with most of its pasture mates, came over to investigate you and Arthur. You patted her nose and Arthur could tell you were already in love with her. However, he had no idea what her temperament was like, so he came up with a plan.

On the days when you had to go to meetings, Arthur went to the horse’s owner to ask questions and get acquainted with the horse. She was young, only three, but the owner had raised her and trained her himself. He invited Arthur to go on a trail ride using her so he could see how good of a riding horse she was. After only twenty minutes on her, Arthur knew she was perfect for you. She responded to his lightest touch and command. After the trail ride, Arthur bought her, but he kept her at her former owners so you wouldn’t see her too soon.

Yesterday, while you’d been gone, Arthur went and picked the horse up and brought her back. She didn’t have a name yet, but he wanted you to have that privilege. The man who raised her called her Sierra, but he knew that was your mother’s name and you were unlikely to keep it as you had no desire to see her for as long as he’s known you. He struggles to fall asleep, feeling like a kid on Christmas, excited to show you his gift. He’s also terrified as he’s going to use the horse as a segway for the biggest decision of his life.

************************************************

The next morning, Arthur gets up much earlier than usual. He’s normally up a bit past sunrise so he can feed the animals and get an earlier start on cleaning before it gets hot. This morning, though, you wake up at the crack of dawn and find his side of the bed empty. After grabbing a cup of coffee, you go out and find him just finishing feeding the chickens.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says, a big grin on his face.

You say good morning and he comes over, leaning across the fence so he can kiss you.

“Hey, I got a couple more chores to do, but once they’re done, I got somethin’ to show ya.”

“Okay, I’ll help. What needs to be done?”

He smiles, loving how willing you always are to help him out. It makes his life a lot easier. He struggles though, as most of the remaining chores were in the stables with the horses, including yours.

“Um… well, why don’t you go through the chicken coop, see about eggs.”

You nod and go off to grab the collecting basket. Arthur asks you to finish feeding the chickens as well so he can go into the stable. After collecting nearly a dozen eggs and placing them in the egg storage so they can be sold this weekend, you brush off your hands and start heading into the stables. Arthur darts out, slightly sweaty from his work.

“Woo, it’s hot. Hey baby, um, maybe you can go get us some drinks?” he says. His tone is weird, like he’s hiding something.

“Um… okay. Everything okay?”

“Everythin’s just fine.” He kisses you again real quick and then shoots back into the stables.

After retrieving two beer bottles, you go out to find Arthur in the paddock, which is attached to the right side of the barn so the horses can go in and out of their stalls. He’s wringing his gloved hands a bit, but smiles when he sees you. What is going on with him?

“Thanks, darlin’,” he says when you go into the pen and hand him his beer. Instead of opening it, he places it onto a post of the fence. “I wanted to show you somethin’.”

He looks to the barn and whistles. Odd, he’s looking at one of the stalls that’s been empty the entire time you’ve lived here. Something snorts and out walks the golden horse you’d been admiring for the past few weeks. You gasp and put your hands over your mouth.

“Arthur, is that…?”

“She’s yours, sweetheart. I took her for a ride a while ago, she’s a good horse.”

The filly walks over to you and snorts in greeting, stretching her neck out to bump her nose to your hand. Tears leak out of your eyes as you start rubbing her neck, going down to her withers.

“Arthur, she’s beautiful!”

He chuckles softly and walks over to hug you, grinning as you bury your face into his chest. God, you couldn’t ask for a sweeter boyfriend.

“Thank you so much, Arthur! I love her.”

“Good. What’s her name?”

“Did she not have one before?”

He tells you what her name used to be, but as he predicted, you don’t like it. You think for a moment, studying her golden coat. She swishes her silver tail.

“Maybe… Freyja? I know you like having names of gods and goddesses for your horses.”

Arthur chuckles as he thinks about his two favorite horses, Boadicea and Artemis. “If that’s what you want, darlin’. She’s your horse though, you name her whatever feels right.”

You look at her and smile. “Freyja feels right.”

Freyja snorts, not giving a single damn about her name. Her eyes are soft as you pat her neck again.

“Well, why don’t we groom miss Freyja? Maybe you can ride her around the pasture, see how you like her.”

You nod and go into the stables to grab a brush and hoof pick. Freyja’s very patient as you groom her, standing still as you clean out her feet. Arthur hauls out the heavy saddle after you throw on her saddle blanket and grab her bridle. After cinching on the saddle and adjusting the stirrups, Arthur says, “Oh I forgot somethin’, hold on.”

He goes into the stables as you pat the horse’s neck again, anxious to hop into the saddle. He comes back out, empty handed and looking frustrated.

“I thought I left it in there,” he grunts, coming back over to you.

“What you looking for?”

“A thing,” he says, ignoring you and shoving his hand into the saddle bag. “I thought I left it… ah ha! Don’t know how it got in there.”

He pulls his hand out and you see a small, velvety box. He brushes it off quickly and then holds it out to you.

“Sweetheart, I uh… I been thinking about doin’ this for a while. It would… it would mean a lot to me.”

You take the box, your stomach clenching. Is this a ring? Or is it something else and you’re just being hopeful? Your heart pounding in your ears, you open the box and see the ring. You gasp. It’s not a diamond, you always hated diamonds. Too common and overpriced. Instead, it’s a silver band, the metal engraved with fancy, swooping curls, a gem in your favorite color perched on top.

“Arthur?” you say, your voice squeaking as you take out the ring.

He clasps your hands in his, the ring nestled in your palm. “I wanna marry ya, sweetheart. You… well, you’re more than I could ever hope for in a companion. I never thought I’d wanna marry someone again after Mary…” he looks down and swallows. You know all about her of course. “But that was until I fell in love with you. There’s no doubt in my mind that I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.”

Fresh tears are cascading down your cheeks. You look at the ring again and Arthur’s suddenly afraid you’ll say no, or that you’re not ready. He worries that he might have to try and talk you into this like he had when he wanted to date you and then have you move in. He doesn’t want to do that with this though. Just as his stomach begins to sink, you smile up at him.

“Yes, Arthur. I will marry you, a thousand times.”

He smiles, swallowing a wave of his own tears and cups your cheek. He takes the ring and slides it onto your finger, then he presses his forehead to yours. For several moments, you both stand there in this position, letting the world go by as you bask in one another’s presence. You slide a hand over his neck, wanting to be even closer to him, your future husband.

Suddenly something shoves your shoulder hard and it’s followed by a loud snort. Arthur chuckles, pulling away from you. “Think Freyja wants your attention again.”

You laugh and kiss him before facing your horse and climbing into the saddle (with his help of course). You adjust yourself in the saddle, sliding both feet into the stirrups. Arthur pats your thigh and tells you to just walk around the pen so that you and Freyja can get acquainted with the feel of one another.

As Arthur watches you walk with your horse, he feels a sense of excitement and contentment. Excited for the future, of course, but he’s never been so sure about anything as he is about this. Marrying you is the only thing he could do, he’s never wanted anything more.

#rdr2 fanfic #red dead fanfic #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x female reader #awkward asks

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thesilenceanswers · 4 years

Text

WHAT I THINK ABOUT:

TV SERIES – SKAM remakes (WtFock)

I think I could define myself as a big Skam fan which is quite dumb as a definition because it’s impossible not to be a big Skam fan once you start watching it.

So, better to say, I’m a normal Skam fan (which means BIG Skam fan) who is truly completely and utterly in love with season 3.

Again, no surprise, I guess.

However, I recently watched WtFock season 3 (unfortunately I didn’t watch it on real-time) and at the beginning the thing that got me so emotional was the concept that another parallel universe was forming.

But afterwards I fell in love with the two characters, even more than in the original one, if possible.

Since the talk about multiverse theory has a special spot in my heart, I decided to analyse that specific clip in WtFock.

WOENSDAG 16:36

1. The settings: colours and music

In my view, music and colours have the power to enlighten the whole mood and to convey a wholeness to a clip. I personally loved the soft colours chosen for this moment: the beige tone and the brownish aesthetic of the setting gave me somehow a sense of warmth and calm. It’s so relaxing and pleasing for both the eyes and the soul.

However, not only the colour palette is perfectly made, but also the choice of music is brilliant.

Every time the intro of ocean eyes by Billie Eilish begins, my world just breaks in two: this song was composed for this moment, you can’t change my mind.

It’s just so so accurate: Sander and Robbe really can't stop staring at each other’s eyes.

2. Lovebird

The beginning of the clip is both intense and light-hearted.

I know it may seem a dichotomy but it's just like that: right in the middle of the cuddles and the kisses the two of them can be so playful with each other (Robbe throwing pillows at Sander, or Sander playing around with the chips)

These two are truly lovebirds and all of these small gestures actually show how comfortable they are with the presence of the other: it's such a tender and soft scene that it warms my heart every time I watch it.

However, the apotheosis of this first part of the clip is peaked when Sander shows Robbe his sketch for the mural. I won’t lie, my heart sinked the first time I witnessed this magic moment (actually it does every time I re-watch it, but that's another story): just imagine how Robbe must have feeling sad and alone for such a long time; but then, out of nowhere, the man of his life just shows him how much he already means to him. Sander is so in love with Robbe that he is already his muse.

But that's not enough: our camera boy wants to portray the man of his dreams also with his camera.

And, again, I find it amazing how the two of them fit so well together: how Robbe giggles trying not to get

photographed and how Sander laughs saying "Allè posé".

But that’s not only by the gesture that we can feel they are so comfortable at the presence of the other, it’s also by how they interact.

I personally love how Robbe feels so at ease that he does not hesitate a moment before saying “Leonardo Di Caprio” when Sander asks him about his favourite actor.

He just simply says what he actually thinks and this really shows how much he already feels connected with Sander.

I know that "favourite actor" is a minor subject, but still I think that Robbe would have not be so relaxed in telling the Brores that he actually loved Romeo and Juliet; and that is because he is trying to hide his real self from his best friends. But that's not the case with Sander: Robbe feels free to be fully himself with him.

3. Sander’s shield and Robbe’s multiverse

However, in my opinion, the most outstanding moment of this clip is the conversation they have about life.

The first important aspect of this turning point event is Sander's behaviour.

At first, we are able to see only the shield he has put around himself for avoiding pain and suffering.

This defence mechanism (this shield) is visible when he says: '' Actually life is sometimes a bit like a movie, you have control over your own life. Choosing what your life is and what it will become".

This statement it's just so Sander-like: it shows the god-like character and the flawless golden boy he tries so hard to be.

But Sander's shield crashes down as soon as Robbe goes on by giving one of my favorite speeches of the show: " The theory (of multiverse) is based on the fact that time is also just a dimension and that besides this universe, there exists several other universes. When you make a decision, the universe splits itself. You can exist in every universe, but then always a little bit different. There could be Sander and Robbe lying in the same exact position as we are right now but, for example, there could be curtains with different colour".

I really find this speech a piece of art, pure poetry and pure genius: it made me shiver in the original one but this one got me mesmerized.

I realized why it is so important for me: I can relate to this view.

However, despite of the profound impact that these words had on me, what I love the most is Sander's reactions throughout the speech.

He is constantly but tenderly teasing Robbe by saying: "Like Spider-Man?" "Like in the flash?" and then the iconic "Yellow curtains" (I see the reference here).

I literally love these little remarks because I find them so genuine: Sander is actually listening to Robbe and he wants to interact with him for letting him know he does care about what he says.

However, I find Sander being so generous in giving those light-hearted comments: even though he really feels deeply what Robbe has told him, he is still trying to cheer Robbe up and to lighten the mood.

4. They never stop

(aka the most outstanding moment of the clip)

It’s just a moment but it changes everything.

Robbe looks directly in Sander's eyes and asks him if he has ever thought like that.

For me the whole world did stop for a moment when I first saw it.

In Robbe's stare I can feel his desire to understand Sander's real thoughts: he does care about him and that's why he wants to get to see Sander for who he truly is.

It's at Robbe's pure and tender care, that is the point when Sander's shield falls.

He stares at the ceiling thinking about what to say.

The music stops and the burden weighing on his shoulders is finally visible as he says 'I have".

With this small statement we get to see the real Sander: the fragile, insecure, lost boy who struggles with his life and who isn't so invincible like he appears to be.

Suddenly he finds himself helpless and falling in a black hole of dark feelings as he let himself go by saying: "Then I feel so lonely. Just don't you sometimes think: why is that I think what I'm thinking. Then you go back to your memories, step by step, and then how you went from one thought to the other. Then you think: why is like this? What if at that one thought I had thought something else, then I wasn't thinking what I am thinking right now. That keeps continuing, it goes on and on and it doesn't stop."

I shiver every time I hear this speech. It is so intense, so powerful and yet so dark.

The first time I heard it, I was affected by it at the point that I couldn't remember where my thoughts ended and where Sander's ones begin.

That was because I completely relate to those thoughts, and hearing them from him got me like his character even more because I could see how human he was.

He is just as complex as we are.

He is passionate, brave and full of life, yet he feels powerless towards the fact that he doesn’t feel the author of his own thoughts and consequently his own life.

#wtfock #What I think about

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soft-foxxay · 5 years

Text

Neglectful • foxxay

Lately, Cordelia had been putting more effort on her position as supreme than anything else, including her relationship with Misty. And lately, Misty had been feeling way too lonely that she started to think that Cordelia is neglecting their relationship on purpose. They barely have little night conversations that usually don't happen because Cordelia is often too tired.

That night wasn't much different, Cordelia was out to manage some stuff leaving Misty alone to deal with her loneliness. Misty was trying to get herself busy with some plants at the greenhouse before she started suffocating with her own overthinking. The tears threatened her eyes and she felt her explosion approaching, so she let go of what she was doing and decided to go back inside and drown all the useless thoughts with sleep.

As she got in, she caught the sight of Zoe and Madison chattering in the hall, more like lowly arguing, with the fireplace dimly illuminating the white walls. She tried to make her steps unheard as she made her way upstairs, avoiding any kind of contact with the other witches.

She turned the light off as soon as she entered the room, letting the room drown into the darkness, as if she was afraid invisible creatures would see her tears if they fell. She buried herself beneath the covers and gave sleep a way into her, but sleep wasn't there to come.

This was even more torturing to her, to lay awake in bed, surrounded but the emptiness of the room and struggling with her demons that started to swallow her alive.

In that meantime, Cordelia shut the door behind her as she got into the big white mansion, her eyes scanning the place on hope to find Misty somewhere around, but instead all she could find was the two girls disagreeing with each other as usual.

"Where's Misty?" The supreme questioned, a serious tone of concern adoring her voice. Her voice made the two girls lift their heads up towards her.

"How am I supposed to know? My girlfriend or yours?" Madison hurried to answer, clearly showing her annoyance.

Cordelia let the sigh drift out of her lips at Madison's unhelpful answer, and decided to go look Misty by herself. Guilt was running in her veins and burning her up on the inside, she wished that she had spent more time with Misty, not only because she knew that Misty was probably upset now, but also because she missed her so much. She missed everything about her one true love.

She was met by the darkness of the room once she stepped in. Unlike every night, Misty wasn't waiting for her, which grew heartache in her at some point. She took off her shoes and every cloth that covered her body except her underwear and bra before she lied in bed with her arms wrapped around Misty's still waist.

"I don't wanna talk to ya." Misty uttered, which caused the other woman to let go of her much needed sleep and pour her attention on Misty.

"Why is that, love?" Cordelia let her voice fill the room as she planted a bunch of gentle kisses of Misty's bare shoulder.

"Ya know why." The swamp witch tried to suppress the tears within her eyes, but seemingly all her attempts fell off a cliff when her cheeks got damp with tears.

Cordelia did know, by rewinding everything that happened between them through the previous week she came to realize she was pretty neglectful, in a painful way. Her eyes were opened to the fact that she'd been treating Misty like any normal witch in her coven more than a girlfriend. And by that time she came to understand why Misty was upset, she had the right to be.

"I'm sorry I-" She tried to speak, but not even apologizing could wipe away the guilt she felt. How did she not realize before, how did she not see how hurt her lover was, because of her.

"Yeah sure." Misty immediately replied, cutting off Cordelia. The pain her voice added more onto Cordelia, crushing her heart into dust.

She pulled Misty even closer, nuzzling her head into her neck. She filled her senses with Misty's scent like a needed medicine. In one moment she felt like her tears were about to burst out of her eyes in a way she wouldn't resist, but she knew she had to stop herself.

"I'm so sorry, baby. Listen, I know I've been- a big great pain in the ass and I'm not saying I'm not the one to blame, I was wrong for being so damn neglectful. But hey, maybe we can make up now? I was already planning for something for us tonight but to find out that you've already went to bed ruined it, but we're good, okay?" The supreme spoke, in a gentle voice tone that was a little shaky, brushing away a hair lock that blocked the view of Misty's face.

"It doesn't matter, we make up tonight but as you wake, you're no different." Painfully, Misty replied, stabbing a thousand knives right into Cordelia's heart.

"At this point, you're wrong. I just don't want you ever think that all this neglect we've been going through is intended or anything, it's just a tough while we're going through and it will be washed away, from now." She gently whispered into Misty's ear ever so lowly as if she feared someone from outside the walls would hear. She pressed her lips softly on her lover's cheek in a soothing manner, tasting the slight taste of salt the tears left behind.

"We're good, aren't we?" In more like a worried voice Cordelia asked, her heart started beating with concern and her mind made images of what she feared most when she got nothing from Misty as a reply.

In that very moment, as if Misty could tell how concerned Cordelia was, she turned towards the supreme, face to face with her lover as she planned on exposing what was in her heart like an open book.

"I - I was just too scared you don't want me anymore, you don't want us. That thought got me losin' my shit. I - I don't wanna lose you, Delia." She bit on her inner cheek in hard attempts to gather the tears inside her eyes, to make her voice come out as strong as she desired, but before she could even tell, she broke down in tears and became a raging mess of sobs, like a fragile piece of glass shattering in between Cordelia's arms.

"Hell, no no no! This is not happening, erase this thought off your head!" Cordelia tightened her grip on Misty, as if she was trying to keep her together, to keep her from falling apart. She wiped as many tears as she could with the palm of her hand but Misty's tears couldn't seem to stop.

Cordelia tilted the swamp witch's head up a little so she could see the sparkles in her eyes with more of the clearance. Fireworks started lighting up her chest the moment she looked at Misty's eyes, realizing all over again how beautiful everything in her was, in the same time realizing how much of an asshole she was to not care much for such an angel.

She tangled their lower limps together in the form of a cuddle, and wrapped her arms tight around Misty's waist as if to keep her close forever. Only then, Misty's tears stopped flowing like a river out of her eyes, and there was finally an end limit to her sobs that seemed endless a moment ago.

"I want you to be with me forever, no force in the world could ever tear us apart, and that's the only thing I know for certain. I wanna spend every moment I have left with you because during this time I was distant I figured out how fucked I'd be if you ever wanted to let go of me." She smoothly said, more like a whisper, while running her fingers through Misty's wild mess of golden curls.

"You are more like the oxygen I breathe, maybe even more important, more like the light to my eyes. Your existence in my life is an actual necessity, quite simply. If I didn't have you I'd sure be lost, lacking love and maybe even life." She continued her business of brushing Misty's mess of a hair as she spoke.

"I - I love you, like so much." She heard Misty whisper back at her, her voice sounded faint and ever so fragile, lovely in all definitions. With this statement, she was finally feeling the peace of mind, knowing that everything will be just fine even before the sun of the morning shows itself.

"I love you, oh well I adore you. I need you, most of the time it just gets difficult to live knowing that you're not around. I want you, forever." As she spoke, she seemed to be drifting away in her own fantasies and wild imaginations.

Her index finger escaped her control and went under Misty's chin in order to tilt her head up enough for Cordelia to look at her straight in the eyes. Once Cordelia's eyes met Misty's she saw glimmers of hope and love adorning the ocean blue eyes, she saw an entire galaxy of stars roaming in her eyes, beautifully. A hint of a smile lit up the once sad face, giving it a whole different kind of perfect.

Every part of her disobeyed, every part of her ran away from her control, and this effect became significant on her when her lips hovered over Misty's, hesitant to make the move until an urge in her crashed her lips against the petal soft lips of Misty in a gentle kiss that worked absorbing all their discomfort, all troubles away, throwing all to the ocean as if it had never been.

The kiss grew more passionate, more heartfelt when they both needed such thing a long while ago to regain their vitality. Cordelia took Misty's lips in hers ever so gladly, letting her silently know that she'd go to the ends of the Earth to get this kiss if she had to,and on the other hand, Misty kissed back quite soulfully to complete their passionate action.

Seconds after, their lips parted, still leaving a sweet effect on each other. Misty's head rested comfortably on Cordelia's chest, with Cordelia's arms already wrapping around her and running her fingers through her hair. They went back to the state of peace they wished to return to, and finally, the quietness after the storm was theirs to claim.

"I will be with till my last dying breath, and that's my promise."

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dxmedstudent · 5 years

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Out of curiosity, what exactly do you mean when you say chemistry (with respect to dating)? Does that refer to whether you felt like your personalities clicked, or is it more of a specific romantic feeling? And is that something that you know is there quite quickly, or does it take a few dates to establish whether there's chemistry? (I hope this isn't too personal a question, feel free not to answer it if so! I'm just curious about it as I've no first hand experience in the area!)

That’s an interesting question. I wouldn’t say it’s too personal, but it’s very kind of you to care about my comfort in answering it, thank you. I’ll be as general as I can, because honestly, I don’t think I’m a particularly average person, having been single for a long time and never having been overly fussed about dating, I’ve probably felt less chemistry than a lot of people. It’s hard to describe, and I wonder if it’s different when you meet different people, but also for each one of us. Some of us fall quickly, others are more cautious, and we all approach things in our own way. I wouldn’t be able to say if ‘chemistry’ feels different for someone else. So I guess it’s deeply personal in that respect.I’d describe Chemistry as an intersection between physical/romantic attraction and personalities clicking. That someone feels different from other people and you feel attracted to them physically and/or romantically but also as a person. For me, that means that a person feels like they could be a good friend; you know the feeling you get when you meet a friend, and get on like a house on fire? It’s a lot like that. And on top of that you feel attracted to them, so it feels different from meeting someone you just want to be good friends with. Talking to them is easy because you feel naturally interested in what they have to say. I can talk for England if I’m comfortable (or nervous, eeek!), but I think it’s true even if you are quiet. This guy I’m seeing is a pretty quiet person in general, but it took me a while to realise it because it seems easy for them to talk to me enthusiastically and at length.When most people talk about chemistry in dating terms, they tend to focus on, or mean, physical/romantic attraction, because a lot of the time you might meet people who you got on with really well through messages but there’s just no ‘click’ in real life. They may be nice, funny, smart, good looking, but you have no desire to be even remotely intimate with them. Attraction and ‘getting on’ don’t always go together. Usually, people expect to find chemistry on a first date; if you don’t feel that connection, you’re usually not going to see that person again because there are other people to meet, and they probably won’t want to meet you again either if they didn’t feel anything. For me, chemistry doesn’t necessarily have to mean kissing, or being overly romantic on first dates; you don’t need to do either to feel that thrill when someone is different. That might sound odd to some people, but don’t forget that for much of history, and in some cultures, people fall in love and commit before they become physically intimate. But when your relationship with someone becomes more physical; whether that’s holding hands and kissing, cuddling or things we’d describe as sex, that’s when people get a better idea of whether their chemistry extends to being sexually compatible. There’s no right or wrong time to explore this; it’s up to you to decide when is right for you.Sometimes, if you’re not sure; say you got on well but weren’t sure you were attracted, people might see someone once or twice more to work out how they feel. The more you date, the better you get at working out what works for you, and what doesn’t, and how it feels when something is good. In real life, people can build attraction and chemistry after they’ve known each other for a while; sometimes friendship turns into something more. But in online dating terms, you can’t keep every single person you didn’t feel chemistry with around in case you eventually feel chemistry with them. There would never be enough time to see where things go with that many people. My advice to someone still figuring out what chemistry is, is that when you’re meeting people, ultimately, you have to listen to your instincts. Do you want to see that person again? If they held your hand or kissed you, how would you feel? When you like someone, it feels exiting and hopeful, if a bit scary. But the thought of spending time with them and potentially doing stuff with them should feel nice. If you have chemistry there should be a part of you that is excited at the thought of meeting them again or potentially taking it further one day. If you feel revulsion at the thought of someone coming near you, then no matter how suitable or nice they are, you definitely don’t have chemistry. Sometimes people persuade themselves that they do; perhaps because they are lonely, or the other person likes them, or they want to settle down, or they don’t yet know what it feels like to really truly like someone. It’s also not just about talking easily. I found it surprisingly easy to build rapport with dates and have fun conversations; probably because becoming a doctor led to me honing my small talk skills and looking really attentive. It’s not something you do consciously; it’s just that medicine makes us better at reading people and communicating with them whilst making them feel listened to. This is actually something they warn you about in med school; patients can get crushes on you because you’re good at acting interested and caring and talking to them. Turn those skills to dating, and... it can be an asset if you like someone, but also a problem if you don’t. Despite having fun and building rapports on dates, for me it didn’t translate to chemistry most of the time; I was just politely interested. It sometimes made for awkward dates; where the dudes clearly wanted to take it forward but I didn’t feel the same way. And although I hadn’t been remotely flirty or sexual or romantic, I’d clearly looked interested enough that it was reasonable for them to assume it. Part of me would feel bad that things were one-sided, because I don’t like hurting people’s feelings and I’ve been on the other end of it. But ultimately you have to be honest.

If you’re young and new to dating you might feel more unsure at first because you have less reference to compare it to, and that’s OK. But you will be able to figure it out with time and experience. If you’re young and you’re still working out what chemistry might feel like for you, it’s OK. It’s OK if you haven’t had chemistry with anyone, and even if you never do. Some people get it a lot, others not very often, and some don’t. There’s nothing wrong with falling on the ace/aro end of the spectrum, or even somewhere in between. And sometimes people work out that they don’t have chemistry with the gender they expected to have chemistry with, and that’s OK, too. Some of my lesbian friends have dated more men than I have, before they realised that they actually love women. It doesn’t make them any less lesbian, or their experiences less valid. Dating is hard and complicated and there’s nothing wrong with taking time to figure out what you really want. With this guy, even before we met, messaging was just more fun, somehow. They weren’t soppy or romatic messages; we are both shy, and didn’t know each other so that would have been weird. But we wrote reams to each other, and our sense of humor was on the same wavelength. The poor guy even had to ask me out twice because he’d buried it in a massive message and I didn’t realise! In retrospect, I really hoped we’d hit it off when we met. I wanted there to be chemisty; which was a clue; for most online dates I might have been vaguely hopeful and ready to have a good time and be surprised, but I didn’t care all that much. I needn’t have worried; we sat down for so long on our first date that they kicked us out of the cafe at closing time. My first impressions were “Ah, he wasn’t lying about being tall” and “OMG, he’s cuter in person :O”; He looked a little different from his photos, having grown out his hair a little, but really I just think you can only really gauge chemistry in person. There’s something about people’s mannerisms or their smiles or their tone of voice that doesn’t come across in any photo. I have no idea what he thought when he first saw me, but he doesn’t seem to be complaining! However, it wasn’t ‘love at first sight’ if that makes sense. I don’t really believe you can love someone you don’t yet know. You can be attracted to them, and think fondly of them, but to me, that is not yet love. Because to me, love comes from knowing someone and learning to care deeply for them; it comes from trusting them and understanding them. We may end up with love, but we start off only with chemistry and with a bit of hope. I thought he was cute, funny, smart and considerate but I wasn’t emotionally invested beyond being excited to see where it would go. Chemistry is promise. It’s the start of something. You then have to keep getting to know someone, and see what develops, and whether your personalities work well together and whether your life aims are compatible. Whether you can team up to do this life thing, or not. Chemistry doesn’t guarantee that something will continue, or that two people are right fo reach other beyond that. People can have amazing chemistry and still be incompatible in other ways. Compatibility is about matching well in many, many different ways; there is a reason a lot of relationships don’t work out. Chemistry can sometimes peter out; people can fall out of love, too. Previously, where I’ve felt chemistry with other people, it usually hasn’t been at first sight, either. Sure, you might think people look nice, but sometimes they just start off sort of... intriguing but perhaps because I’m a bit faceblind, it doesn’t necessarily kick in right away. I might have talked to someone a few times before realising I found them attractive or that things were going differently and realised “Crap. This is it, isn’t it.The Feels. Damn it.”. This time is probably the first time I’ve turned around and gone “OH. NICE.” mentally immediately after meeting someone, but even that was preceded by getting to know them and like them for a while, first. That’s different to how you normally meet people, which is that you see them first, and then talk to them and get to know them afterwards. Perhaps for some people that initial moment of meeting someone is very striking, but for me, it’s usually less so.

I do wonder if that’s partly why lots of people struggle wth online dating. If they gain their idea of who they like based on the feeling when they first meet, it can be hard to pick people based on a picture only to find that in real life, the attraction isn’t there. It reverses the order in which many people feel attraction, because you start talking before you meet. And though you see a photo first, I’ve already mentioned that photos really can’t tell you if you will be attracted in person. To summarise another long and rambling reply by Dx, when you have chemistry with someone, it feels different to talking with other people. It feels like no effort at all; like you’re with an old friend, but one that you really fancy. There’s an intensity there that isn’t present when you’re talking to someone who is a good friend.There’s no shortage of things to talk about no matter how long you talk for. You feel like you can talk about almost anything with them; your past, your hopes for the future, criticism of the last film you saw in the cinema…There’s a lot of laughter, and it’s not awkward laughter because things are weird. Time seems to pass quickly with them; it won’t feel forced or awkward. It won’t matter that they aren’t the conventionally hottest person around, in fact, you’ll find things endearing that aren’t conventionally attractive. If you haven’t felt it before, it might take you a while to figure out what it is, particularly if they aren’t the gender you expected; but you’ll work it out and you’ll know.Anyhow, if any of my mutuals or followers have something to add, I’d be intrigued to see if anyone describes it differently.

#Anonymous #askdx #dxdates #dx dates #chemistry

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philanddanxreader · 7 years

Text

Tour Bus

Hello, Love bugs!

Phil X Reader

Warnings- smut

Okay but I really need a smut fic where Phil and the reader do it on the tour bus ;-; (you know cos he had the master bedroom lmao) and they're trying to be quiet

The show was amazing. You saw it back in the UK but the boys now had it down to a science. Everything was perfect. Now you may be a bit bias but the magic and the singing was probably the best parts of the whole thing. The boys look so happy up on stage doing something they loved with people who they really loved and were thankful for. You arrived right before the show so you didn't have a chance to say hi to Phil. He had reserved you a seat in the mix of all the fans so you could have the full experience. It really was fun to talk to the people who loved your bean as much as you do.

After the show was over and the crowd cleared out someone leads you to the back through back doors and little halls until you were brought to the door of the boys dressing room. You paused before opening the door. It had been over a month and a half since you saw Phil and you were shaking at how excited and nervous you were to see him. The little voice in your head pushed you to open the door and you listened. As you turned the knob you could hear Dan and Phil talking about the show and what they would do differently for the next one. The conversation carried on until the moment you stepped into the door and you could make eye contact with Phil. You had a stupidly huge grin on your face as you saw Phil. He had the same smile as he got up from his spot to jog over and wrap his long arms around you. He was sweaty and his skin was hot and clammy but you were sure you had never felt better than you did in the moment you finally got to hold him again. After Phil finally let go of you in the bone crushing hug you put your hands around his neck pulling him in for the kiss you had been picturing for the past few weeks.It was as nice as you had wanted it to be. You only wished you could have kept kissing him but there was the fact that Dan and others were in the room. Phil pulled away but before he let you go he whispered in your ear.

“God I missed you.”

“I think I missed you more. The house is very lonely without the two of you disturbing shit.”Phil smiled as he gave you another peck to the lips before putting his arm around your waist as he pulled you towards the chair to finish the conversation with everyone.

After discussions about changes were done and the boys were changed out of their outfits Phil lead you out to the bus to start the drive to the next place along the tour route. Your bag had already found its way onto the bus so you had all of your things you needed. Phil gave you the grand tour from the couch and little breakfast table to the bedrooms. You saw the bunks and immediately felt a bit sad.It had been such a long time since you had seen him and you were so looking forward to actually get a good nights rest while cuddling the bean. Phil saw the change in your expressions and pulled you closer to ask what was up.

“What’s wrong love?” You tried to put on a small smile as you returned the hug.

“It’s nothing. Really. I just thought that well.” You didn't want to sound silly saying that you wanted to cuddle and spend the evenings in bed with him like you did at home. In reality, all that really mattered was being with him again. Even if it was a little while.

“Oh. I think I know what your thinking. You didn't let me finish giving you the tour.” You raised a brow as Phil drug you towards the back. You had figured it was a hangout space or a little living room but it turned out to be a master bedroom. “Dan said I could have the main bed because he knew you were coming.”

“I could kiss Dan. But later.” You felt silly but you really were happy that you had a little space just for the two of you. “Take me to bed.” Phil agreed as he pulled you into the room before sticking his head out to say goodnight to Dan who was just getting on the bus.

“I missed you. Have I said that yet?” Phil laughed as he pulled you into a new kiss. This time you both gave into each other's desires. Letting one another reignite the lost time that the two of you had gone through within the last month. Facetime and texts just aren't the same.

“Say it again. I like it when you miss me.” You gave Phil a little shove as he pulled you along on the bed. The two of you fell into a fit of giggles as you cuddled up on the small bed beside Phil.If felt so natural to be back with him again. It didn't matter where the two of you were in the world. As long as it was with Phil you were in your happy place.

“Can we put on our pj’s and cuddle?” Phil nodded as he got up from the bed to go through his closet until he had found his PJ pants. Phil found a pair of his old boxers and a t-shirt that he tossed to you. You smiled mouthing a little thank you.The two of you dressed in silence before crawling under the blankets. finding each other in the middle. You were facing Phil in bed tangling your legs into his. Your cold feet touching his trying to find any warmth with each other.Phil placed one of his free hands to your cheek. running his thumb up and down. letting little goose bumps raise under his touch. You sighed into his palm pulling yourself to him to place another kiss on his cheek.

“Love you.” you replied back against his lips letting your hands make their way around his back starting to trace circles onto his skin over his shirt.

Phil and yourself continued kissing and talking for at least an hour before The kisses became more common than the talking. You couldn't help it. Phil always made your tummy do flips. He pulls you in with his personality and his looks. You defiantly can't deny that Phil isn't one of the most handsome men you have ever met. Slowly without warning one of Phil’s hands found it’s way to your thigh running little fingers up and down giving you goose bumps again.

“Philly.” Phil let a little laugh as he continued running his hand util he was pulling at the waistband of his boxers and your panties. You lifted your hips up aiding in Phil taking off the clothing. Soon all of the articles were strewn around the floor being quickly forgotten.

“Let me treat you. I have been thinking about this for a while.” Phil threw the blanket off of the bed and crawled to the end of the bed to be able to get closer to the place you desired him most. Once down Phil started to give you kitten licks as he found his way to your core pushing in two fingers. You had to hold back a moan trying to remember that Dan was only a few feet away. Phil's mouth made its way over your clit sucking and licking at you sending little vibrations through your body.

Phil continued licking and sucking as his finger continued pumping in a steady rhythm. He was making sure to curl his fingers to reach the spot that always drives you wild. It had been a long time since you were intimate with him. Not seeing him for so long was definitely aiding you to reach your orgasm. The wave crashed over giving you the bliss and release you hadn't been able to reach in a long while. You had to bite your lip to keep yourself as quiet as possible. Keeping your moan and whimpers inside. As the waves crashed over you, Phil continued pumping and sucking making sure to help you ride it out as long as possible.

After the waves stopped crashing Phil came back up to you at face level giving you a quick kiss. Phil whispered little nothings As your eye lids started to feel heavy with sleep and comfort. You tried to pull in for a deeper kiss but he pulled away from you.

“Not tonight love. You’re exhausted from flying and I'm feeling about the same after the show. Tomorrow on our day off we will be in a hotel room. That's when we can fuck and cuddle the whole day away.” You nodded as Phil rolled over to his side making sure to pull you into his chest. His warmth on your naked body was all you needed to stay warm under the covers. Closing your eyes you let the tour bus rock you and Phil to a nice warm sleep.

#amazingphil #amazingphil smut #amazingphil imagine #amazingphil x reader #phil lester smut #Phil lester #phil lester x reader #amazingphil x reader smut

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codename-bewareofthefangirl · 7 years

Note

Haha you're welcome ^^ I'm glad I made you happy. So then, can I ask for a scenario with Akashi x Momoi, based on the prompt dialogue #14? Thank you so much :)))

DEAR ANON I’MSORRY! When I answered your ask, I used the phone app that sucks and I couldn’t visualize the part of the message in which yourequested Akamomo! I deeply apologize for having you to repeat it again.Talking about this, my first rare ship ask, I really enjoyed writing it; in theinterviews, Momoi said she liked mysterious men and romantic, sweet things and,knowing how Akashi is always like a prince with girl, I can not think that theywould be the fluffiest, cheesiest, more romantic couple ever. So here, a lot pftooth-rotting fluff for you.

Under the cherry tree

During their second year, the guys of the former Generationof Miracles had started to hang out together when they could, bringing theirnew partners with them. Even if they were loud, continuously bickering andchallenging each other about everything, they got along well. At least betterthan what everyone would have ever thought.

However, at first there had been moments of…tension,when couples started to come out and nobody at first really knew what to say,but everything adjusted by itself eventually. One of the most tense day, waswhen Kagami’d accidentally blurted out he and Kuroko were going out. They hadliterally frozen and couldn’t help themselves looking at Momoi. Contrary totheir expectations, she had taken it in graciously, like a true woman: she had askedKuroko if they could talk alone and, when they’d made return, she’d had puffyeyes but a smile on her lips. She’d wished them happiness and threatened Kagamito evirate him if ever tried to hurt her former man.

Now, time had passed and she had moved on but…therewere those hateful moments during their hang outs when everyone closed up intheir special bubble with their better half, letting her alone. She wasprepared to them after all that time, but they stillexasperated her a bit and she always ended uphoping for them to happen later during the day.

But she couldn’t be always lucky, could she?

That day, they’d organized a picnic under the cherry blossoms and were walking down the path to find a good spot. Obviously,in the exact moment they’d set foot in the park, a romantic atmosphere hadfilled the air and everyone’d started walking hand in hand, speaking quietlywith each other. Even Dai-chan was smiling stupidly at a giddy Kise, forgettingto conceal his love-struck gaze. That idiot of a best friend.

And so, she remained at the back of the group with twobaskets full of food and a pouts on her lips. Was it even possible that noon-

“May I help you, Momoi?” before she could burst into acomplaint, a white hand entered in her sight.

Instinctively, she smiled and gave Akashi a gratefullook.

“You’re a true gentleman, Akashi!” she mused, letting himtake one of the basket. Ah, she had forgotten for a second! During all thoseuneasy moments, she’d got closer to the only other single of the group: Akashi.At first, it was really…strange and unusual. Akashi had always been a bitintimidating for her, but soon his kind manners and quiet care struck her.Momoi had started to see him as a prince, more than an Emperor. That mysteriousaura around him attracted her and she was taken by his mindfulness.

They became sort of friends and then started to hangout more often, even alone. Momoi had begun to feel…hot and bothered when withhim, something she thought to have forgotten, and didn’t know how to handle it.Part of her was scared of another rejection, the other feared being justconfused by his natural gentleness towards girls and everything seemed socomplicated! But, when he acted like that, she just forgot all her worries.

“We should have known they were going to sink in thischeesy atmosphere!” she complained to him, walking by his side. Akashi hadgrown a bit, not like the others, but now was taller than her and had broadershoulders.

“Let’s leave them on their own and just find a goodplace to sit.” He offered amused, looking intently at the way her lips curledwhen pouting.

“Akashi! It was a group hang out!” she whined tryingto shot him a glare, but when their eyes met she had to avert his eyes. Lately,she had begun to notice how penetrating his eyes could be. He looked at her ina way she couldn’t describe but that made her blush.

“I know, I know.” He reassured the girl with a smile,pulling her delicately by the sleeve and gesturing towards a tree, “They’regoing to reach us when they’re done.” Added seeing she was still disappointed.

She followed his eyes and saw the perfect spot: on asmall hill, a lonely pink cherry tree stood proudly, caressed by the wind, andunder it no one had occupied the space.

“That’s perfect!” she thrilled joyfully and grabbedthe boy by the arm, dragging him towards that small heaven. She was practicallybouncing for the excitement and Akash had to stifle a laugh looking at herchildish, adorable happiness.

When they reached the top, they patiently disposed thetablecloths and all the food to occupy the area. Then they seated next to eachother and Momoi looked around searching for the rest of the group, but nobodywas there.

“Have they disappeared?” she asked furrowing her browsand crossing her arms.

“It seems so.” Akashi hummed leaning back on his palmsand looking at the pink petals floating in the wind.

“You aren’t bother by it, are you?” Momoi observedwith a sigh, now able to read Akashi even outside a basketball’s court.

Akashi smiled and his gaze softened, before he turnedhis head to look at her.

“Why should I be bothered by spending time alone withyou?” replied in a whisper. Ah, there it was that light in his red eyes. Themysterious one.

Momoi’s heart skipped a beat.

“Y-you are right!” she stuttered feeling suddenlyembarrassed and, to avert her eyes, she started shuffling the boxes of sandwichesand bentos to search for her special bag, “We can have fun even without them!”she chirped, cursing internally her red cheeks. Finally, she found what wassearching for.

“Ta-daaa!” she said a singsong voice, waving in frontof him the full bag like a special prize.

“What is it?” he asked curiously.

“Cherries!” she revealed giddily, pulling out a redfruit as it was a precious treasure and showing it to him.

“It isn’t the right season.” He noticed, arching aneyebrow.

She rolled her eyes.

“It’s always the right season for cherries! Don’tspoil my fun, Akashi!” she replied, convinced, making him chuckle, and she atethe cherry, “They’re the best!” murmured softly in awe, half-closing her eyesfor the sweet pleasure.

“If you are happy.” He surrendered with a laughter,looking fondly at her eating cherries.

“Ah! Akashi, Akashi!” she suddenly exclaimed, jumpingup to sit in front of him, “Do you want to see something amazing?” mysteriouslyalluded with a smirk on her face.

“What?” He asked, lured in by the mischievous glint inher pink eyes.

“I’m the best at knotting cherries’ steams!” she revealedshowing him another cherry.

Akashi literally froze on the spot, eyes wide open.

“Akashi?” she called confused, hoping for some kindthe reaction, “You don’t want to?”

He sighed, covering his mouth with a hand and lookingaway from her face.

“You should stop doing that, Momoi.” He murmured,somehow defeated.

Momoi tilted her head and felt agitated withoutmotive. Was Akashi blushing?

“Doing what?” asked captivated.

“Saying things that make me want to kiss you.” He answeredbluntly, finally meeting her eyes and locking her all to himself.

Everything stopped.

Momoi held her breath, heart missing a beat.

She went so still that Akashi was already going toapologize for his outburst and ask her to forget what he had said, when sheexploded.

“P-Please do!” she stuttered flushing, her eyes fullof stars while looking at him. She hadn’t had to think about it, she hadforgotten all of her worries: Akashi and her were all that mattered.

“Are you sure?” Akashi asked, caught by surprise, butthe girl leaned towards him, biting her bottom lip.

“Y-yes, I’d love it…” whispered with a small, happysmile.

Akashi lost definitely all the remains of his self-control.

He moved a hand to her face, cupping her cheek with gentleness,and caressed with the thumb her lips, gazing at her love-struck. Hair of the samecolor of the petals floating around them, shiny and waiting eyes, fair andsmooth skin. She was the princess of the fables; no, even better, she was hisonly Empress.

Akashi leaned slowly, taking in every tiny details ofher face, and Momoi’s heart was beating so hard in her chest it hurt, until theirlips finally met in a warm, sweet, cherry flavored kiss. She closed her eyesand instinctively threw her arms around him, keeping the boy closer to her; heput the other hand behind her head, fingers combing her hair. She didn’t evenknow she desired that so much.

When they finally divided to breathe, remained someseconds in silence to stare at each other, foreheads still touching.

“I want to be your girlfriend!” she suddenly askedgiddily and Akashi chuckled, pulling her in a hug.

“I’ll be glad to have you as my girlfriend.” Answered cuddlingand kissing her head. She felt melting in his arms, feeling so stupid for nothaving confessed before. But it was okay, their first special moment had beenperfect, romantic and sweet. Probably her favorite memory of the two of themfor the years to come.

They shifted in a more comfortable position, withAkashi seated against the tree and Momoi between his legs, leaning on his chestand tasting the warmth of his arms around her, while eating happily cherry.They looked at the blue sky being the perfect background for the lovely petals’dance in the wind, and sometimes the girl fed him with some her preciouses.

“Seijuurou,” She called after a few minutes, an amusedand knowing smile on her red lips.

“Yes, Satsuki?” He hummed peacefully, smilingcomfortably at the sound of his own name.

“What did you promise to the guys to leave us alone?”

“Onsen’s tickets.”

“And to keep this spot free?”

“I placed some of my men here in the early morning.”

Momoi burst chuckling and Akashi was too, nuzzlingagainst her neck.

“You’re really an Emperor.”

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