#I'm not going to use the 'actually autistic' tag until I know for sure.

[hannahsassessmentjourney]

Hi! Edited this page to change my name because I was trying out a different name and have since discovered that no, actually, I do like Hannah, Han or simply H (all have their own charm to them).

This blog is supposed to chronicle any thoughts and feelings and observations I may have that are relevant to my upcoming assessment. I'm not entirely sure what's being assessed, but I do know it's over the course of four sessions, is quite expensive, and ought to be comprehensive - at least, that's what the doctor described it as. And ultimately it's for suspected ASD. I and some others also suspect ADHD, whether AuDHD or simply ADHD on its own. I remember first looking down the diagnostic checklist and thinking, 'Well, this explains my entire life.' So I think it's very likely I have ADHD, whether or not I have ASD or not - but the doctors seem to be focusing on the potential ASD aspect.

It's pretty clear I have family history of ASD, despite what some family members may say. *side eyes my mother who is convinced it doesn't exist in our family* So I'll be very curious as to where this journey leads me.

I invite you to join me.

[autisticlancemcclain]

thank u @zenstrike for the tag <333333333 i see ur mic and i'm elated about it

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

185! but i haven't updated in like a week and a half so we're probably closer to 190

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

556,104. i am very excited to watch it jump up when i finally finish my longfic teehee

3. what fandoms do you write for?

literally just voltron lol. well not counting baby me's wattpad lol. i started writing almost two years ago and just went ham basically. i've been intentionally avoiding things that i know i will get hyperfixated on bc i don't want to stop my writing obsession lol

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

ooooou i'm excited to check. i know it's changed quite a bit over time. i usually sort them by hits!

i will grind you to sand (beneath my louboutin heels) [voltron, 2573 words]: bamf lance fic where i give him a revolver and let him go ham basically

mr. snuggles [voltron, 1656 words]: one of my very earliest fics! lance, lover of weirdo animals, finds a demonic cat-sized spider and adopts it despite his friend's freakouts

he might not look like he gets bitches (but honey that dick was eleven inches) [voltron, 1136 words]: this one is so dorky lol but it's just secret relationship klance coming to light in the most embarrassing possible way

does anyone know where the love of god goes (when the waves turn the minutes to hours) [voltron, 4283]: a canon divergence au where lance is a seer and convinces the skeptics on his team of his abilities by ending the war

this is the part of me that you're never gonna ever get away) [voltron, 3262 words]: a lance & shiro hurt/comfort with a small autistic lance character study! i'm very proud of this one

5. do you respond to comments?

i definitely do on tumblr! it's one of the first things i do when i wake up actually. on ao3, though...i'm pretty sure i have about eight hundred unanswered comments sitting in my inbox 💀 it's an ongoing issue

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm almost sure it's this post-game show lance leaving fic, because i got comments and asks for weeks begging me to write a happy ending lol. but this fic from the hana universe, from when keith is little and shiro is fighting for custody and they haven't figured things out yet. that one is sad. this dream pov adashi fic is also sad and has no happy ending bc, you know. shiro is in space and adam thinks he's dead and everything. my loneliest series is also still in progress and as such there is no happy ending. and this is my earliest angsty-ending fic with MCD

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh god pretty much everything i write has a happy ending?? if i’m being serious?? frankly i don’t do a lot of linear plot. i just write Scenes that are vaguely connected. BUT my h2o fic had a plot that ended happily, as did my cowboy fic, but truly i’m more of a slice of life kinda gal. all my active wips are plot-driven, though, and i plan for all of them to end happily.

8. do you get hate on fics?

oh god yeah. i get it on brown eyed lance, autistic lance, adhd keith, allura just in general (are you sensing a pattern), my refusal to use readmores, and lately just some demands for me to write differently/more?? most of it is just funny so i post it to goof on it lol, but some of it i just delete and pout about until i forget about it 💀

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

yes and it’s nasty and i will literally never ever post it. although i guess i’ve written some softer stuff that’s more allusion than anything, like in my loneliest series.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not anymore, but i did when i was a kid?? i think i wrote a pjo/hoo/divergent/the mortal instruments/homestuck/a bunch of other shit fic when i was 13. i’ve successfully blocked that era out of my mind tho so i’m not sure. i do a lot of insane aus, tho. i wrote a fic based off a country song written in the sixties. so.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i’ve had people write continuations of my wips?? which i didn’t rly like. i just ignored it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

someone has asked me about translating a fic before! haven’t heard anything since tho.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have tried. i’m not very good at it. i have very Specific ideas about things and can be very controlling, so it’s honestly better that i don’t lol.

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

klance, easy. been in the trenches of this goddamn fandom since i was 13 years of age. it’s been a Journey.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

god, the butterfly effect. i get people asking me to update all the time and i genuinely feel bad, because i have absolutely no ideas or plans for it. i might try to come up with an ending of some kind?? but i wrote that like two years ago, so i have changed a LOT about my writing since then.

16. what are your writing strengths?

dialogue and humour, i think. and sometimes writing lack of emotional communication (if that makes sense — i like to try and write around an emotion).

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i over explain a lot. and i overuse dialog ur tags sometimes. i have a Very Specific scene playing out in my head and i want everyone else to see it like i’m seeing it, which is my downfall a lot. i’ve been trying to work on implicit stage directions.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i think sometimes it’s necessary? it can be a good tool for humour, like with cussing that can’t be achieved in english. but while i understand and read several languages i have always always struggled to speak or write in them. it’s very frustrating so i often avoid the subject entirely lol.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i’ve been writing fanfic in my head since before i knew what it was, but i started typing things at around 11 when i used to homestuck roleplay with my friends lol. messy messy times.

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh i am my own target audience. i have several.

i need a man (who’s patient and kind): keith-centric post canon (divergence) fic where lance takes him to his family and keith is good with kids and just keith being loved is the whole point. always.

what if i lose it all: an alternate universe where lance, as a baby, loses both his parents, and then is raised by his oldest siblings. in luis’ pov.

when does a ripple become a tidal wave (when does the reason become the flame): brogane fight & angst canon divergence post season 6; covering shiro’s guilt complex and keith’s unwavering loyalty

he’s into superstitions (black cats and voodoo dolls): halloween verse with witch lance and vampire keith! i have barely spoken about this au on here but rest assured i’m thinking about it all the fucking time

the applebee’s universe: modern au with young keith and lance learning how to love each other

ceilings (plaster): non-linear dream-like fic that’s just so trippy and strange i’m obsessed with it

if the sky comes falling down (for you) there’s nothing in this world i wouldn’t do: a keith character study about how the biggest bleeding heart in the universe loves

the hana universe: brogane-centric universe as their family starts rocky and grows

thank u again for the tag zen <33 open offer for anyone else who would like to hop on!!

[llycaons]

You are getting eaten uppp on the AO3 sub for that fic anti-rec list jsyk. Probably because it’s incredibly weird and mean behavior. Be blessed

No one “hates you” but someone posted your anti-rec list thing on the AO3 sub and people are (rightfully) saying it’s a weird thing to do that shows zero awareness of fic etiquette or like, being a normal person. Just strange. Like you want people to trigger tag *fruit* but are comfortable saying all this shit about authors (not just the fics themselves… the regular-ass people who write them)… weird and strange behavior

I was so excited to receive this ask until it was clarified that nobody actually hates me :( exciting news either way. is this reddit? were you on the ao3 REDDIT? good fucking luck on there anon I cannot imagine subjecting myself to that. also it's not a trigger tag and it's really bizarre that you bring that up at all when it has absolutely nothing to do with the actual conversation here

let's start. you're placing a heavy amount of moral weight on 'weirdness' while (I think?) also recognizing that it's inherently an amoral quality. and it is - but that criticism doesn't really mean anything to me. I've never been a 'normal person,' and idk what you mean by that. normal by who's standards? people who frequent ao3? let's say I am an out-of-touch meanie who doesn't understand 'fic etiquette'. based on the fact that it's ao3 fans, I can only assume it's people who are cool with ao3 hosting slave AUs and explicit child/adult content. and I'm really going to pretend like I care about their standards of conduct? oh no, the people who say 'your kink isn't my kink' about rape porn think I'm being mean to them! whatever shall I do! trust ao3 fans to consider legitimate critique a breach of etiquette but not...idk, incest porn. sure, I'm making assumptions but I am well-acquainted with the culture of that site lmao so am I wrong?

like, the meat of this ask is just so hung up on 'normality', which is not a very useful metric for moral behavior or critique and I'm not sure what you want me to do with it. I do many harmless abnormal things, and there are many 'normal' things that cause great harm. like, what does a normal person do according to ao3 fans? do they read cp? do you consider that normal behavior? is that harmless? does reading cp, or turning a blind eye to it, adhere to this precious fic etiquette? should I conform? should I be polite and sit quietly while the community I'm in runs wild with abuse apologism and bioessentialist nonsense? I recognize this is not what your ask was about, but you're asking me to compare my behavior to what ao3 fans think is acceptable, and I went through the entire tag last year so I KNOW what kind of things they like. I just don't think I can extend the benefit of the doubt to this place I've never heard of until today but which sounds a bleak and wretched place

anyway I am autistic and I don't mind being weird, and idk why you're so fixated on that as a value judgement or a way to shame me. you have to understand how little I value the moral standards of the average ao3 fan or the 'normal' signifier.

on to your next grievance - my critiques of the authors as people. I just read through my entire list and I am extremely specific and detailed about why I hated those works, going into poor characterization and soulless, boring writing. I specify if the works are confusing, infantalizing, bioessentialist, out of character, nonsensical, overwrought, passionless, disrespectful, insensitive, boring, poorly researched, misogynistic. is it really unfair to extrapolate from racist writing or an unwillingness to self-educate that the writer has racist ideas, and that might bleed out into their behavior and actions in the real world? that someone who writes an AU that doesn't make sense for the character didn't understand the characters' journey? that someone who writes a nonsensical story doesn't know what they're doing? that's just drawing conclusions based on what the writers themselves have already posted. that's entirely within the scope of a reader and any argument to the contrary is both absolutely absurd and an insult to the intelligence of literally any reader, of anything

but on that page I barely talk about the people who wrote them. except for the author who was white? because I know she's white, I looked her up and I think her writing of Chinese characters is really awkward and bad. I've also called a few writers racist idiots, but their fics were really poorly written, and the other one got mad when being corrected on cultural inaccuracies, so I mean. is that a stretch? like, maybe, but it is really unfair? I think no. it's not even that personal of an attack. but by and large I don't even care about the authors, and I don't know why you're getting so defensive of them when I'm simply judging their work and not them as people.

no matter how much of a fun hobby anyone claims fanfic is, it's not a form of media uniquely exempt from criticism. and I don't think it's healthy for any writers to take criticism of their work so personally. that's something for them to take responsibility for if they're going to post their stuff on the internet, and by extension readers need to be okay with that too.

also I gave them all gold stars...ao3 girlies can't appreciate a passionate and thoughtful critique smh.

back to my tag request, which is something that makes my personal blog usable for me - trying to act like an unusual tag request is the same as making assumptions about people based on what they write and post publicly is both unfair and really shitty of you, anon. is my 'weird' request really as bad as calling someone a misogynist for writing something sexist? I DO judge people for what they decide to publicly put into the world, and rightfully so. people have a responsibility for their creations. meanwhile there is absolutely no reason to judge me for my tagging requests no matter how strange they seem to you, because they're absolutely harmless. this isn't hypocrisy and I don't understand why you seem to think it is.

and I don't go out of my way to be an asshole - if someone's first language isn't english or if they're clearly not an experienced writer, I'm not going to be a dick about it. I mean, I try. I barely have over 100 followers. the anti-rec page is hard to get to, and notposted anywhere but my blog. I have never harassed anyone, or encouraged harassment. I don't even comment negative reviews. I purposefully didn't tags the recs when they were posts because I didn't want people finding them, and I don't even talk about my interests on other websites, much less spread my rec list around. this is purely a personal project I did for fun while under one of the most stressful times of my life to share with my online friends, and I don't regret it. I had a blast. this is nothing I wouldn't post on my blog or talk about with my friends anyway. I don't mind being criticized for it, since it's public too. I just don't feel bad about it either nor do I feel like apologizing or taking down the page.

so yeah idk what you expected from me but I don't really give a shit that a bunch of fanfic readers are mad at me for having standards. you (general you) simply cannot expect to publish something on a public website with a massive fandom and then whine when a random stranger on the internet dares criticizes you. one of these writers is a published author! if she's one of the people upset - learn to take some criticism! maybe it'll improve her writing! and I'm hardly posting on the front page of a major website here, I don't even know how that sub found my list because I don't really post about it on here either unless specifically asked about it

anyway this ask got me to go back and read that page again and I had such a good time revisiting it that I'm linking it. so hi everyone read my anti-rec list it's genuinely so funny and I'm very proud of it and it's actually quite well-thought out so yeah i'm not ashamed or embarrassed but thanks for letting me know as this is kind of fun news and brightened up the day

ALSO I feel like there's so much focus on the anti-rec page when I have a lovingly crafted and THEMED rec list right there split into equal sections, all carefully and appropriately titled with summaries, ratings, trigger warnings...I'm very proud of my rec list most of all. in fact, the anti-rec list was the wild child I tacked on at the end for a laugh when I really needed to complain

bascially tho I'm a complete stranger who put like six fanfics on a list and talked about them because I didn't like them so idk why everyone's freaking out. well knowing ao3's allergies to the slightest criticism I guess I do know why, but it IS deeply unserious. anon. pretend I'm looking you right in the eye. you know this. I don't need to be blessed. it is deeply unserious. it's going to be fine.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Bingo tag game

Thanks @oh-no-another-idea here, @illarian-rambling here, @melpomene-grey here, and @mk-writes-stuff here.

I got three different types here--

Rules 1: use this link, which will generate a writing bingo card for you!

Rules 2: use this link to create a Bingo card for your WIP and/or fill out the one the person who tagged you made

Rules 3: same as 2 but with an OC

Last Bingo Game: here

TSP Bingo (blank card)

Long Bingo where I did a blank Bingo for SOTL and Carla and filled in Bingos for Kelsey, Maddie, Noelle, Xitlali, and TSP as a whole

Tagging @gracehosborn @theeccentricraven @theelfauthor @dyrewrites @badluck990 @mysticstarlightduck @elsie-writes @little-peril-stories @loopyhoopywrites @bread-roses-and-chrome

Below cut:

Filled in writer bingo for me

Filled in WIP bingo for SOTL

Filled in OC bingo for Hye-Jin

Filled in OC bingo for Alex

Filled in OC bingo for Gretel

Filled in OC bingo for Jack

Blank bingo for IWAJAD

Blank bingo for Lexi

Version 1: Writer Bingo

[image ID in alt text]

Almost got a bingo noooo

If only I read more!! It's not by choice...

Version 2: WIP Bingo

SOTL

[image ID in alt text]

Red for definitely, yellow for maybe.

Damn no bingo, even with the yellow.

I'd have a Bingo if I included more evil fish people but I have incorporated it yet. So I do have a Bingo if that's the case.

Version 3: OC Bingo

Hye-Jin Song (TSP)

[image ID in alt text]

Bingo! Almost got two since she was originally short but I've changed that

A character I don't talk about nearly enough! I don't have any other posts exclusively about her yet :(

Hye-Jin is Lexi's lifelong friend who does not make an onscreen appearance until Part Two, though she does get a couple shout-outs in Part One.

Hye-Jin has a younger sibling, but I didn't highlight cause I'm pretty sure it meant she *is* one.

Alex Vaughn (TSP)

[image ID in alt text]

I think she's just appeared in excerpts. Time to fix that!

Alex is from another universe! A chronological deviant of the duoverse of the Ceteri and Alium that we know! (In other words - it's another version of Ceteri and Alium, the duoverse, i.e. two linked universes, that's different enough due to different choices individuals made)

Gretel Küchler (SOTL)

[image ID in alt text]

I may have mentioned her like once, but she was the only one who'd fill out a decent amount of the board.

Gretel is kind of obviously my Hansel and Gretel character. She's magicked, meaning she learned the skill of magic. She and her identical twin brother Hansel specialize in baking food that can help grant others temporary physical advancements.

If anyone of these end up changing and being inaccurate...I'll live it's okay I haven't written a scene with her.

Jack McDonald (SOTL)

[image ID in alt text]

Haha, bingo!!

De facto MC of SOTL so far. He's appeared a lot in SOTL's excerpts.

Jack was misdiagnosed as being gifted with ice manipulation powers, due to one obvious demonstration. In actuality, he's gifted in being average at everything. This does mean he actually can do literally everything, just averagely. (In other words, Jack of all Trades)

He's not autistic as of yet but probably ADHD. Some of these may change.

My Blank Bingos

It Was All Just a Dream

I already made Bingos for my active WIPs, so here we go with this one

[image ID in alt text]

It Was All Just a Dream is a story idea have had for a while that I have a draft of in the form of a short story. Short version is popular Kyla Tran goes through a night of layers of dreams that force her to reevaluate her life.

Lexi Morgan (TSP)

[image ID in alt text]

I meant ace/aro and you KNOW IT

And ignore that I spelled pedestal wrong as well...

Anyway, more Lexi: OC in fifteen, OC in three, Picrew, two truths and a lie, WIP questionnaire

TSP into

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

[differentalpacafestival]

Life Fucking Sucks

Today's breakdown. I'm not sure if it's a meltdown as I still don't understand what a meltdown entails, but I cried. A lot.

It started yesterday when I got up. I'm not studying, and I'm unemployed due to my disabilities, one of which being autism.

So I didn't get up until noon, coinsidentally after my mom went to take a nap. She didn't get up until 4pm (which is a normal lenght nap for her, being almost 60 and disabled), and said her niece was talking about calling. She said it wasn't a guarantee, and she had to eat and properly wake up before doing anything anyway. I asked her if she wanted to go to an all-purpose store, I think it could compare to Target just smaller; Rusta. Then my cousin called, and they didn't hang up until around 7pm, about two hours before closing. Now, we live about half hour away from the closest store, and we like to just stroll and look at everything when in a store like Rusta since they have so many different things. So we decided that we would wait until today.

Que today. About an (two now, I'm just proof-reading) hour ago, actually. Me being my empathetic, autistic self, I've cared for a house fly that got stuck in glue these last two days, and today, she was gone. I don't know if she's dead, but she liked to roam around and hide, and after looking where I left her yesterday, she wasn't there. So this made me a little upset because she had so much personality, and due to the glue, she couldn't fly anymore. Her wings got folded and I couldn't fix them, which is why I cared for her in the first place. Anyhow, when I went to the bathroom, I saw my first pet fly whom I thought to be dead for like two weeks now, so I felt a little better seeing her still alive. You see, she, too, has an injury where her right wing looks to be broken at the joint - it sticks out instead of along her body. This makes her easily recognizable, plus she is also very affectionate (I don't know, nor care if this is even possible, but she was stuck to my hand for an entire day, even when I moved and ate.)

Then my mom asked if I could try to get ready to go by 4pm; half an hour. 3:45 we were ready, so my mom called to my brother (who also isn't studying and currently unemployed) that we were leaving. This POS decided he wanted to tag along. He is the typical stereotype of a gamer; Headset hair, up all night playing online, yelling into the microphone, and rarely gets out of his room. As if this wasn't enough, the two of them went to the store two days ago, so I had absolutely no reason to expect him joining. This wouldn't necessarily be an issue if we didn't have an insanely small car for a 6"3 dude and two overweight people - Hyundai i20 2012. I also need music at least one way (to or from,) to which my brother detests with his whole being as he is overstimulated by music. Now, you might think to yourself "Why don't you just wear a headset or earplugs?" - Because they overstimulate me. The only way for all of us to be comfortable, is if me and my brother isn't in the car at the same time. So when he said he was also coming, I broke. Well, actually, first I panicked, frantically looked for earplugs to no avail, then I broke. I went back out to grab my things from the car and told them I couldn't handle the entire drive without music so I was staying home. My mom followed me back inside and asked if I couldn't just use her earplugs - ew - and I explained to her that I just can't bring myself to. It's so hard to try to explain sensory overload and the need for a plan, even if I can't control everything, to someone who doesn't work the same way. The problem, I told her, is that I was prepared for just the two of us; I wanted it to be just the two of us. We have a very sarcastic relationship, calling each other bitch and whatnot, so when I back out all of a sudden - especially when the whole reason any of us were going in the first place, was because I wanted to - while crying, and being honest, she knows it's serious. So she suggested that we leave tomorrow instead, just the two of us, because she is expecting a package that needs to be picked up. With that, they left, and I sat here crying non stop for an hour before I figured it might help to write it down. Now every time I look at the clock in the living room, I cry knowing I couldv'e been at Rusta, or singing with my mom in the car to Queen.

I want to blame this on my brother since he knows I need music and still decided to join; but I know he also has autism, even though he's not diagnosed (I am, and our primary doctor suggested he might benefit from seeing a specialist too, but bro is too worried people will then treat him the way he has treated other autistics, so he refuses) and therefore also has his sensory needs. I have no idea, still, why he acted to impulsively.

I've stopped crying and calmed down, but I'm still not okay. This completely ruined my day, and I suspect the shit from earlier this year is also catching up and attacked when I was at my weakest.

My aunt died in May from years of treatment and chemo for cancer, was given her terminal date and beat that by another month or so

My dad's cousin's husband (whom I truly look at as my uncle) also got diagnosed recently with cancer and doctors say he'll be lucky to make it to the end of the year. He was in horrible shape for three months before a doctor took him seriously (he also hid his pain extremely well) and then discovered a cancer in his lymph nodes that had severely progressed and could no longer be safely operated on.

My best friend's house was put to foreclosure as both her parents fucking suck at financials, and her dad is literally over 5 million in debt and proceeded to fucking burn the letter sent to his wife warning about this (since she also pays for the house,) causing both of them to get sued for not paying, so my best friend had to loan a million to buy her own house back and is now the sole owner. Her sketchy ass boyfriend also proposed and they're engaged.

My cousin's son was visiting in Spain and got attacked by some scam artists when he refused to bite into their scheme. He has been in and out of the hospital since he got back home in April. Police in Spain, as far as I understood from my mother's rambling, did nothing about the scammers.

My other cousin was wanted for months for multiple crimes including growing weed, car theft, running from police and a possible accomplice to murder, and then fucking decided to move to Spain (thus causing his nephew to get attacked), and posponed selling his house to the tenants living there, talking to at least one other potential buyer who got his contact from his friends; our mutual cousin, and FINALLY deciding to sell to the tenants who had gotten a huge, risky loan just for that. I think that actually started last year, and he, just a month ago, agreed.

On top of all this, my own mental health has been really up and down all year with all this Israel-Gaza shit, and I still grieve from two losses in 2022. I think this was a long time coming, I just needed something to push me over the edge.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalks. Questions are always welcome, and I will see you all in the next episode o7

[rjalker]

February 12th 2023: don't donate until this part is removed! someone stole my fucking wallet.

I'm making this my pinned post because I am tired of suffering.

Here's the link to my actual About post. Read it if you're going to follow me, it has my DNI as well as tags I use for things so you can blacklist them if you want/need to.

====

Hi I'm fucking too disabled to work but have to get a fucking lawyer to get fucking disability SSI from the stupid fucking government because it's literally designed to make people give up before they get their gods damned money.

I literally don't even eat even a single meal each day.

I'm also trans and would like to fucking medically transition someday but at this point I've just fucking give up that hope because I will literally never be able to afford it unless capitalism gets smashed tomorrow. in which case none of this matters, but that's not going to happen because that's not how revolution works so fucking anyways

also we're out of ibuprophen and I have fucking menstrual cramps right and yeah I should probably get fucking tested for endomitroiosis or whatever the fuck it's called but you know what else I don't have? Health insurance. Because I'm too disabled to work, and even if I could work literlaly no one will give me a full time job that wouldn't literaly just end up killing me.

====

Here's the gofundme link.

My paypal, venmo, and cashapp are all "Rjalker".

Here's the link to my redbubble store if you'd rather buy something.

You can also tip me through tumblr.

====

I have the Redbubble prices set so that when you buy a product I actually get a decent cut instead of $2 max. If you buy a pin, for example, I get $9.

My paypal icon is the same flower design as my tumblr icon. I don't think cashapp and venmo have icons but if they do I'll make sure they're the same too.

Check out and request more pronoun pins on my sideblog @custom-pronoun-pins

This post is being made November 30th 2022 but unless they suddenly invent No Longer Disabled pills it's just not going to have a fucking "this is no longer relevant" date because this shit isn't going to get better.

Here's what your money will be going towards if you donate:

rent, $500 a month for my half

phone bill, $35 a month

water bill, around $35 a month

internet bill , $45 a month

cat food, cat litter, and vet visits

groceries

clothes

fixing the washer or just buying a new one

fixing the dryer or just buying a new one

all the fantasy and scifi books I'm going to write that I will literally be giving away for free because if it's not clear enough yet I fucking hate capitalism. You will be able to download the books for free endlessly and the only time you'll have to pay money is for the cost of the materials to make the physical book.

we literally have not had a functional washer or dryer for the last like five fucking years in a row. All our clothes have to be washed in the fucking tub and then hung up in front of a fan to dry, or put in the fucking pop-up air dryer we found that takes for fucking ever and can't hold more than a few things before it stops working almost entirely.

I'm making this my pinned post because I'm tired of suffering. I'll fucking put the other one back when capitalism ends or I get the fucking disability SSI I literally would have been getting from birth except for the fucking idiot in the government who decided to fucking remove us from the fucking disability list when we turned eighteen when they took us off the fucking survivor's benefits of our fucking dad dying.

No I am not fucking joking. My twin and I were literally born four months early. We were literally guaranteed disability SSI from the moment we were born because of all the shit that went wrong and the fact that both of us were blatantly fucking autistic and had dyslexia and all this other shit.

And some fucking government worker fucked up when we turned eighteen and not only took us off the fucking survivor's benefits SSI, which overrode the disability SSI, but also fucking took us off the list for the disabled SSI.

Literally assigned abled at eighteen.

And I still haven't even fucking been diagnosed with anything for my physical disability because again! No health insurance! Because I can't work! Because I'm disabled! And since I can't work I can't get my disability diagnosed! Which means I can't get accommodations! It's literally a fucking endless cycle that will only stop if I or capitalism die!!!

======

Update 12/11/22: The water bill for November has been paid! Thank you!

[doberbutts]

that's fair however, i haven't seen any proshipper sincerely argue that you can't be grossed out or disgusted by fictional content, just that "gross" fiction should be allowed to exist.

additionally, if you're reading an incredibly fucked up fanfiction on ao3, it's probably going to be tagged with e.g. underage, whereas if you pick up stephen king's It you're not going to be warned that it has an underage sex scene -- but antis only go after that first thing, because they want a target they can hit more than anything else

Unfortunately, I have, which is why I say "use common sense, people" because like. I'm not mad when people don't like reading or watching disturbing content! It's disturbing content! It's meant to disturb! The discomfort is the point!

Also that really depends on how you engage with IT- certain book lists and libraries WILL actually point these potential triggers out, but it's a matter of knowing beforehand. You're right, the book itself doesn't have a tag section on the back pointing out the triggers. However it's a horror book, and it's about kids, and it's written during a time where horror was often combined with sexy, so knowing these things tells me there's probably a sex scene or two in here and it probably involves the kids and it's a King book so it's probably weird and fucked up because he likes to write weird fucked up things when he's writing horror. Again, common sense.

However I did make that same point with the series I'm currently reading. No one goes after these books despite having some fairly triggering content but they sure do love going after someone who joking draws Sonic banging Pikachu.

I read a dark fantasy novel I actually had no idea was dark fantasy until I started reading it, and it opens with rape scene after rape scene and detailed domestic abuse and miscarriage and eventually the torture and immolation and demon sacrifice of an autistic minor was where I went "okay that's enough". It wasn't marked properly and I didn't know, I thought it was just a book about dragons. I'll never go back to that series, but it's pretty popular and I've seen it on other dark fantasy rec lists. At the time I was really disgusted and upset, and as said I still won't try reading it again as an adult (I found it when I was in middle school), but if other people are able to get through the discomfort for the story then fine I guess. I do think books should be better marked to prevent this from happening to other kids.

[hoper-of-farflung-hopes]

Okay, I decided to suck it up and make a blog for this, so I might as well use it. I'm not tagging any of this, so I'm not sure if anyone is ever even going to find and read it, but I wanted to write stuff down to clear my mind and this seemed as good a place for it as any.

This is basically a side blog for alterhuman-related things.

I've identified as broadly alterhuman for a while now, mostly because it felt like less pressure than identifying as otherkin or trying to nail down a specific, more accurate label.

I guess I'll use my first post to try to explain how I am currently conceptualizing my identity.

I see myself in three parts, I guess. Not in a plural way, as different people, but more like three of the same person in the same place and time, but different somehow. Like seeing someone through a prism, or like tapping into the same version of yourself in different realities. I don't know if that makes sense.

In one universe, I'm an autdhd, nonbinary human adult. This is the one most people see, and it's me as much as anything else is.

In another universe, I'm a nature spirit, or something similar which does not have a name and has never needed one. I'm mostly humanoid, I think, with grey feathered wings and curving horns. I have a much looser connection to physical reality than humans do, and can slip into and out of physicality as naturally as breathing. I have a Place, a home I am connected to and protect and nourish. I do not believe I interact much with others like me, but I am not lonely. The place itself is my company, and the creatures within it, and my sense of time is stretched and settled. I am not restless.

In another universe, I'm the Doctor. Mostly like in the show, but not necessarily exactly according to canon. I'm aroace, in all realities, and in places the show stretches thin around this. There are other things too that I think are more obviously the product of creating a piece of entertainment with writers and actors than an accurate reflection of me and my life, but I think it's mostly got the gist of it.

The only universe I have access to is this one, in which I'm living and writing a blog post on Tumblr. But it feels like the others are out there. I don't feel like my alterhuman stuff is past lives, or misplaced souls. It feels more like lives I'm living together, but just can't quite reach. It's not even necessarily in parallel - I think it's more accurate to say that it feels like something outside time.

I'm actually not sure if I favour a spiritual explanation for this or a psychological one. I think it's a bit of both. I think, logically, that it's probably psychological and related to being autistic, but in daily life I mostly end up thinking about it as though it's real, and that means treating it on spiritual terms. I don't know if they have to contradict.

I don't have strong memories of anything happening Elsewhere. I just have impressions and feelings and reactions. My beliefs and identities aren't built on evidence so much as they are the natural result of my experiences, until it made more sense to identify this way than not. It felt like I drifted to and from this conclusion until eventually I reached a tipping point, where I could choose to keep ignoring it or move forward, and I chose the latter.

So here I am. I'm feeling kind of pretentious and poetic today, hence the phrasing, but I'm not always this melodramatic in my writing style. Probably.

I'll probably post here from time to time, when I have something I want to work through, or something I want to get out of my head and into words that can better contain it. I'll probably talk more about being the Doctor than about the nature spirit stuff, because that's the identity that's newer and causing more Complicated Feelings.

I'm not tagging my posts anywhere because I'm not sure what the etiquette is and which tags are appropriate, but if you do somehow stumble across my blog, feel free to interact!

This is a sideblog because I'm very private about these things normally, so if you think you know my main, no you don't.

[asenarieka]

Please read this before following!!

Helloo~

♡ Astrid / Envy ♡ Autistic ♡ Non - Binary ♡ Asexual ♡ Self-shipper ♡ Fictionkin ♡ They/She ♡

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I'm Astrid but feel free to call me Asena or Envy.

I'm Autistic and Bipolar so I struggle a lot with understanding other people's emotions, my mood swings can also be rather extreme at times. I do not understand jokes and sarcasm unless I know you so using tone indicators would help a lot.

I mostly make OC x Canon or Envy content using various 3D softwares like Source Filmmaker, Blender, MMD and VRM Posing!

I sometimes upload VRChat stuff as well.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

If it’s not obvious already, I’m a self-shipper. I only have one f/o which is my Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist, despite them being evil and all that, they have been a huge support for me through some really tough times. I’m also a fiction kin, where I also kin Envy. We share a very similar mindset and we’re both outcasts of our Family. (kinda referring to 03 Envy here) and we're both extremely jealous over other people. I tend to 'switch' into Envy at times, sometimes I'm aware but sometimes I have no idea. I have not yet been diagnosed with any form of a split personality disorder, but I'm working on getting a new therapist so we'll see. There is a possibility that I have a mild form of it but I'm not gonna make any claims until I have an actual answer.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I will probably mostly upload content featuring Envy or from my ship Astrid x Envy. If you don’t like self-shippers then please just block me.

If you are also an Envy self-shipper then I kindly ask you to not interact with me, I’m sure you and Envy are absolutely adorable together, I’m just uncomfy with other Envy self-shippers. I already know I’m gonna get a lot of hate for that, but I mean no harm nor do I intend to be rude. I get easily jealous, it’s been a life-long problem so I doubt it’s gonna change anytime soon but I try not let it get the better of me. 

I self-ship to cope, I only have one f/o and they mean so much to me, my feelings and the connection I feel are very much real even tho it’s a fictional relationship. I believe it's a soulbond, that seems to make the most sense.

I have a few other kins which includes, Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf, Emma Swan from Once Upon a Time, Dean Winchester from Supernatural and a couple of others.

I’m Asexual and Demi Romantic, I will most likely block NSFW and Fetish accounts as I really do not like that stuff! It just makes me way to uncomfortable..

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

♡ Some things about me ♡

╰┈➤ I'm a selective mute, I do not talk much nor do I write much, I grew up pretty much alone so I never spoke much to anyone.

╰┈➤ Due to trauma from family and ex lovers, I get triggered and scared really easy. I do not feel comfortable going into details, I know i've spoken about it before but I don't remember how much I actually said. Because of Autism and trauma my mental age is different from my physical age.

╰┈➤ I'm not the type of person that trusts other easily, too many took advantage of that in the past.

╰┈➤ I may have "furry" like characters but I left the fandom quite a while back. No hate towards them, just got a bit uncomfy from some situations.

I have more info on my carrd: https://asenainfo2023.carrd.co

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

I do not know how active I’ll on here. I may just re-blog a lot of self-ship or Envy content. I’m honestly scared of being active on here.

Messages/Asks are disabled for my own safety!.

Art tags:

#asenarieka - All art

#envyxastrid - Selfship tag

#astridxenvy - 2nd selfship tag-

#astrid's rambles - My rambles and other weird stuff

#astridxenvy cai - Character ai stuffz

#envy my beloved - Envy tag

[mooshs-crack-headcanons]

One of my favorite things about classic sonic is viewing him as like a younger, smaller, and in ways more asshole of a child than modern sonic

("But Moosh! Forces said he was sonic from a different dimension not-" SHOOSH! Generations 100% caused a timeline split throwing this sonic off path from the adventure era onward and into mania instead so he's actually is both sonic from the past/from a different world because of that. Hush I'm Sega now saying this is canon🤫)

So like, through 1-3&K he's like what? 11? I'm going to say 11, and the classic sonic we see from generations is fresh off of sonic 3 & Knuckles right before Time God shenanigans occur giving he already knows Tails (who I'm going to just headcanon or whatever is about 4) and that in Mania he of course knows Knuckles so that things must of went that far into this shared timeline with modern sonic until the timeline split goes off into mania and then his side of forces.

So looking at him further as a younger sonic just makes things a lot more interesting.

For starters; sonic's mute. For what reasons? We don't know (but I have a lot of autistic/trans headcanon reasons for it but I won't go too much of that here) but I personally don't think he really started talking until sometime before adventure 1 - giving his... very endearingly line delivery a sweet in universe explanation (the real irl reason is a whole other story) also the thought of once he started talking he never shut the fuck up is really funny to me.

Another thing, just look how little and small both he and Tails are 🥺 tiny. It just makes the point that Sonic's been doing everything he's doing since childhood and brought Tails, whose like even way younger than he is, along with him to such dangerous situations. Now I'm sure that wasn't 2!sonic's intentions when starting out letting Tails tag along with him and while is also obvious now in the present sonic is proud and knows of Tails' capabilities with his inventions and fighting, but do you think at times he gets regrets it? Not Tails becoming his brother but getting him in so much danger at a very very young age (again, 4 years old) by just letting him pal around with him? It's really sad when you think about it.

When I meant that younger sonic was much more of an asshole that older sonic, look at him. And honestly I like that for him, it shows character growth and just exactly how much sonic has changed over the years to the point where he is in frontiers - way more obvious matured and isn't that finger waggling little kid anymore.

Menace from the day he was born.

Anyway, this just gives at least a little bit of background and character building that Sega rarely ever shows us (hoping frontiers changes that 🤞) and I wanted to talk about it a bit :)

With that said I never want to see classic sonic in a Modern Sonic(tm) game generations/forces style if they're not going to properly use him for other than nostalgia ever again.

[solarishashernoseinabook]

Sooo @the-lavender-creator has tagged me in an ask game and asked me to answer all of it. And I will! Here's a link to the ask game if you want to reblog it so you don't have to go digging through my blog.

And with that, here we go! :3

deep fic writer asks

1. what’s the fic youre most proud of? Ah...I think The Ward Ghost, it's taken a lot of plotting and I've had to think hard about how the characters would be after the major changes to canon I've made, but people say they love how the characters turned out so I feel like all the hard work has been worth it :D

2. what’s a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place? Honestly? The Royal Ranger has done that a couple of times, because I have to do a lot of hard thinking about my autism, how dismissive people can get about it, and once I had to really try and get across what sensory overload is like for me and ended up actually going into sensory overload D:

For all that it's been really great writing it because I get to play with my writing style a bit and get to give myself some validation lol

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to? Most of them tbh. But The Royal Ranger has made me the most friends, so that's got a special place in my heart :D

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort? The Prince of Clonmel or The Flower in Her Hair most often :D But mostly I go back and read bits of my multi-chaps, like some of the more emotional chapters of The Ward Ghost

5. what fic of your own won’t you read?

Pretty much any of my FFN ones, because gosh what was I thinking. From my ao3 era, I don't really reread Coming Home very much. I'm just not very satisfied with how it turned out

6. what’s the hardest part of the writing process for you? The beginning. oh my god the beginning. trying to start anything just feels very awkward D:

7. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you? When a fic or a chapter gets no interaction, I wonder if it was actually all that good. But even just one comment makes me feel like all the writing was worth it :3

8. does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone? My mom knows! ...and wants to read The Ward Ghost :"D My friend also knows and I talk to her a bit about the writing process

9. what’s your writing process like? It's really not special lol. I'll just type away, or handwrite some scenes and transcribe them later. I occasionally write things out of order - if I'm super stuck on something, I'll write a later scene until I can talk it over with my beta readers - but I try to stick to writing mainly in order and I try not to skip ahead more than a scene at a time

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood? Writing is generally pretty calming for me, because both typing and handwriting are stims for me, but writing The Royal Ranger in particular has led to me becoming a lot more comfortable being openly autistic, despite what i said about it higher up :"D Its just been extremely validating

11. Has a fic you’ve written ever caused issues/controversy? The Royal Ranger caused controversy before it even came out! I initially wasn't going to do very much with it, because I thought it would just be a simple love story and wasn't sure what I could do with it, but I brought up in the Ranger's Apprentice discord server that I headcanoned Halt as autistic and someone lost their shit over it lmao. After getting push back from everyone else involved in the conversation, the person insulted us and left the server

Jokes on them tho cuz that was what inspired me to actually write it instead of just thinking about it lmao

12. What’s your perfect environment to create/write? Anywhere with a pen, a notebook, a warm drink and my cat <3

13. Do you take pride in your writing, or does it embarrass you? Why? I mostly feel proud! Based on the responses I get from my writing, I'm consistently achieving my goals with it (people enjoy the things I want to be romantic, feel emotional over the things I want to be emotional, hate the people I want them to hate, etc.) so I consider myself capable :3

14. Do you compare yourself to other writers? In a positive or negative way? Only if I read anything by Terry Pratchett, at which case I start to wonder if I could ever write anything that good XD But usually I don't compare myself to anyone, because I consider writing styles to be very personal things that heavily depend on what you want to do with a story

15. How do you think your writing as improved over time? I think I've gotten a lot better at characterisation! Especially with Halt, because he's fairly sarcastic in canon but I wasn't confident in my ability to make him all that sarcastic in my writing until recently

16. Do you re-read old fics? Is there a time in your writing you won’t go back to? I reread them a lot! But only my ao3 ones. I can't get through a few sentences of any of my FFN stories because my writing was just not very good back then lshglsgh

17. What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work? This review, which kicked off my friendship with @rangerangel! When I saw it I spent a solid forty-five minutes just happy stimming and couldn't respond at all because every time I tried typing anything I got overtaken with happy stims again :'D <3

Genuinely just cannot stop rotting about how The Royal Ranger fic by @solarishashernoseinabook has the most accurate and well thought through depiction of autism I’ve ever encountered in media to this day. As an autistic person myself it genuinely made me cry at certain points because of how nonjudgmentally and gently it depicted Halt’s autism. I just think about it every day and it feels like a big warm hug.

18. Do you only write when you’re inspired, or do you try and sit down at specific times and write no matter what? I try and write whenever! I've figured out enough tricks by now that I don't get bogged down by writer's block as much. Plus with multi-chaps I don't have the luxury of waiting till I'm inspired to write. Currently I'm trying to write at least a few sentences per day

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include? Um. That's hard to say! Because I want different things out of different fics. Sometimes I want something with plot, or romance, or angst. So there's no one-size-fits-all "perfect fic" that could include anything specific XD

20. What’s the greatest gift you’ve gotten from your writing? My friendship/marriage with @rangerangel :3 <3

[spencer-reids-adventures]

I live for any snippets of spence and emily interactions, so can you share a little of that wip?

I actually haven't written any interaction between the two of them for this fic yet, haha, but here's some emily being worried about spencer and spencer being self destructive...

cw: self harm

Emily watches Spencer more closely when they get back to Quantico, and the more she observes, the more she becomes convinced that something’s not right. He seems tired all the time, curled in on himself. He drinks coffee all day but she rarely sees him eat. And he seems distracted, and, more than that, frustrated at himself for being distracted.

All of this leads her to Gideon’s office one afternoon, when Spencer and Hotch are out doing an interview.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Emily asks, standing in the doorway, and Gideon ushers her inside. 

“Sure,” he says, neatening his pile of paperwork and pushing it to the side. “How can I help you?”

“It’s about Reid,” she says. “I know I haven’t been on the team long, but I’ve noticed…” She trails off, unsure what to say. “He seems to be struggling,” she says finally. 

Gideon sighs. “You think I'm not aware something's going on with him?” 

“I-- I wasn’t sure,” Emily admits. “It’s just, I noticed these cuts on his--”

“Kid’s got autism,” Gideon says flippantly. “We all figure the cutting is part of it.”

“We all?” Emily asks, raising an eyebrow.

“The team,” Gideon replies. “We don’t bug him about it, just like we don’t bug him about any of the other things he does that seem strange to us.”

Emily wants to say more, but she can’t bring herself to continue this conversation. She leaves the office with a sour taste in her mouth.

-

They all know Spencer is autistic, but no one has ever said anything about it to him - no one has ever asked how best they can support him, or what he might need, or what his diagnosis entails. It’s like a dirty secret that everyone knows but never talks about.

He assumes maybe that’s why they don’t comment on the cutting. They think it’s just another stim, instead of a means of trying to understand whatever emotion he finds himself drowning in, a way to help himself focus, a way to say, you deserve this. He wonders why, even if it were just a stim, they would think it’s okay.

He sits on his bathroom floor, examining the healing scabs under his watch, then takes the razorblade to his thighs until the racing thoughts finally start to calm down, until he feels like he can breathe, he can focus. 

Even with the new ability to focus, it takes him an exceedingly long time to realize that he’s crying.

-

wip title tag game

[bi-and-bewildered]

I will talk to you about autistic spencer reid! I'm working on a fic right now so that's where my brain is! here are some of my headcanons:

- he doesn't like computers/tablets because he has a hard time reading on screens, which is why garcia makes him a hard copy of the files... however he likes typing as a stim so he has a typewriter at home as well as a mechanical keyboard that he doesn't have plugged into anything

- garcia (ok I should state I think garcia is like his neurodivergent buddy so they help each other out lol) anyway she wears spinner rings to fidget with and sometimes reid will just like grab her hand and start playing with her rings

- the whole team knows he has a tendency to hyperfocus on cases so they make sure to take turns reminding him to take breaks and eat and drink water

- they keep a weighted blanket on the jet for him

- he has sort of a "coming out" to every member of the team at some point when he feels comfortable sharing his diagnosis (this is what my fic is gonna be about actually)

- he didn't get diagnosed until he was 18 and could make medical decisions without his parents having to be involved but he kinda knew for a long time before that

I would love to hear your headcanons too!!

omg I love this!! you have such amazing headcanons that now I definitely have to think of amazing ones to give back (also I would love to be tagged in your fic when you post it!!):

going off the technology thing, when the BAU originally switched to more electronic based systems, Spencer ended up having a meltdown because of the combination of the sudden change in his routine and his dislike of technology. from that point forward Penelope makes sure to keep all of his things on hard copies as much as possible.

Penelope is always discovering new fidget toys online and consistently has Spencer test them out with her. Her office ends up being totally filled with them and they essentially become a staple of the BAU. Spencer prefers chewelry and tangles while Penelope likes stim jewelry (like fidget rings) and stress balls.

the first person he ever tells about his autism diagnosis on the team is Emily. She had always been the person he went to with all of his secrets and so it was just natural that he tell her first. in turn, Emily tells him about her adhd and they form a sort of bond over their neurodivergent traits. where his bond with Penelope is unspoken and they’ve never really acknowledged it, his bond with Emily is very much intentional where they both know about each other’s struggles.

The reason Spencer really started to enjoy reading as a child was in part because he used it as an escape but it also appeased a lot of his sensory issues. The feelings of pages and book covers are a nice stim for him and the library always had the perfect lighting and noise level for him to feel comfortable.

When he’s nonverbal or semi verbal he’s still able to repeat other peoples words, just not form his own. This means he often speaks using lines from his favorite poems or movies. This is especially easy for him because of his eidetic memory.

[echo-bleu]

hello! I saw one of your previous asks and I was wondering if I could ask you for some writing help too! I have an autistic character that i love, but I'm not sure how to convey that this character is autistic in a way that feel aunthentic and organic instead of stereotyped, specially since she's a girl and I haven't seen many (accurate) representations of autistic girls in the media. I've seen videos about autistic people and they've been very helpful on what not to do, but + I would still love

to get some of the 'do's' what i have so far is that she has a Fixation on the sea, she has a hard time reading sarcasm and/or emotions in others, and she has an overall seemingly 'detached' personality (even if I wouldn't call her that, since she cares about the people she loves, she's just bad at putting it into words). I jsut want to make sure i'm on the right path! thank you so much for listening and I hope this is not a bother!

Hi Anon! I’m not bothered at all and I’m happy to answer this kind of ask. As always, I can only speak for myself, but I’ll try to give you a few pointers. (The previous ask mentioned is this one.)

First, it’s lovely to hear about an autistic girl! I’m not sure if you’re speaking about an adult or a child/teenager, but either way, it can be interesting to read about how autism can look a bit different in women. The gender distinction that has often been made is something I don’t agree with because I feel that it’s an unnecessary shortcut, but a number of autistic people, in majority women and people socially perceived as female, learn to “adapt” more to neurotypical standards by masking their autistic traits a lot, and might not be detected as autistic until adulthood. Masking takes a lot of energy, which can translate as feeling “socially exhausted” all the time and lead to burnout. This article list traits that can be found that are less common and obvious. It is far from perfect imo, but it can give you new ideas!

You didn’t really say if your character is a main or a side character (which changes the amount of detail you’ll want to go into) but so far to me you seem to be on the right track! Having a hard time reading people is something a lot of us struggle with. It might not just be sarcasm, btw, understanding metaphors and jokes can also be hard. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have a sense of humor: it’s entirely possible to be able to use sarcasm and struggle with noticing it when it comes from other people, and a lot of autistic people have a very developed and specific sense of humor that can be seen as odd.

The “detached” personality is something you may have to handle with care because lack of empathy is a harmful stereotype. Maybe look up the difference between cognitive and affective empathy. Some of us do struggle with empathy, many of us struggle with expressing it in a way that’s comprehensible to neurotypicals, but it doesn’t mean that we lack it. It’s fine for your character to struggle with it, but be careful that she doesn’t end up seeming cold/robotic if she’s not the POV character.

Now for some “do’s”: I’m only going to talk about autistic traits here and assume that you’ve fleshed her out with an actual personality outside of her autism, just like you would any other character.

- I agree that it has to come up organically, but it would be a lot better in terms of representation to make her explicitly autistic, ie use the word autistic. It doesn’t have to be at the beginning of the story. If you’re in a fantasy setting or for some other reason you can’t use the actual word, then describing something like neurodiversity would be a good way to make it explicit. In fanfic, I personally think that tagging “autistic [character]” is enough if the fic is short(ish) and the word isn’t used in the story but the character’s autism is fairly clear, but in an original story, you don’t really have that possibility.

- Something I like to do when coming up with original autistic characters is to choose a few specific stims from them, that regularly come back in my descriptions. It falls under the same umbrella as choosing mannerisms, it gives characters their own specific flavor. You can choose a happy stim, a nervous stim and a bored stim, for example. Autistics stim a lot and in a lot of ways, but I think most of us have a few stims that come back often. It can be things like chewing on a toy/finger, flapping in a specific way, rocking on their heels, twirling hair, fidgeting with a toy or jewelry.

- Sensory differences. It’s also something that you can choose for your character: maybe she likes to listen to music very loudly, and often speak a little too loudly, or on the contrary she’s hyperacusic. She might wear sunglasses outside, or need lights on all the time. She might need subtitles to understand a movie, or be super distracted by sparkly things. She might not make eye contact, or make it too much, or seem to make it by looking somewhere close to the person’s eyes. She might find touch painful or difficult, or seek it constantly, or both (can depend on the moment, how tired she is, or if she trusts the person).

- Like I’ve said before, meltdowns/shutdowns are a delicate thing to portray if you’re not autistic yourself, but overloading can and does happen without going all the way to either of them. It’s actually fairly frequent, and happens when there is too much sensory (or emotional) stimuli at the same time or a too long day or something. From the inside, it can look like struggling to think, feeling like your skin is crawling, feeling like everything is too much, and struggling to initiate actions/figure out the steps to do something. From the outside, it can look like the person is rejecting touch, needs to isolate themself, is irritated, might struggle to speak/be very quiet. As long as the character isn’t mocked for their behavior, I think it’s something you can portray without too much risk.

- A specific interest about the sea is a nice idea! The sea is a very large subject, though, so she’ll probably have a predilection for some things. Is it water currents? Fish species? Underwater plants? Beaches? There’s a lot of options to choose from here.

- Maybe think about co-occuring conditions, because most of us have at least one. Some are very hard to distinguish from autism itself, like dyspraxia or ADHD, because they’re linked or similar to autistic traits. A lot of us are also disabled in some other way:  for example there’s a clear (though unexplained) link between autism and hyperflexibility, which can lead to joint pain, gut issues and chronic illnesses like EDS. Many of us have mental illnesses, growing up autistic in this world is honestly traumatizing and it’s hard to find autistics without some kind of C-PTSD or anxiety (on that subject, this post points out that the current diagnostic criteria can probably only diagnose traumatized autistic people anyway).

- A pretty good portrayal of an autistic girl (and to my knowledge the only one where the actor is also autistic) is Matilda in Everything’s Gonna be Okay. I didn’t actually watch until the end and I’ve been told the last episode isn’t great, but the start was pretty good. She’s a teenager, and at one point gets a girlfriend who is also autistic and has a service dog. In Elementary, while Sherlock is only autistic-coded, there is at one point (season 4 I believe) a recurring character named Fiona who I thought was a pretty good portrayal as well. She’s an adult, and she’s stereotypical in some ways but it’s better than most portrayals I’ve seen or read.

I would advise you to have a look through the blog @cripplecharacters. They answer asks about disabled characters, and I know they have answered a number of questions about autism and have at least one autistic mod. Their answers are usually very interesting!

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

Fic Writer Questions! (you can find me here on AO3 if you're interested!)

tagged by dear @theburialofstrawberries mwah!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

112 yowza!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

750,421 kinda tempted to go delete one word so it can be 750420 which is a far more Pleasing number

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

12ish but some of them overlap: BBCS/Sherlock Holmes/ACD (these are all different bc my bbcs fics are not the same as my own modern fem Sherlock Holmes adaptation are not the same as my ACD Holmes fic; Good Omens; Harry Potter/The Werewolf Draco Malfoy Cinematic Universe; Captive Prince; The Hobbit; Fleabag (it was a crossover with BBCS but Fleabag is the perspective character so it still counts as a separate fandom imo); Doctor Who; The Office; Parks and Rec; Broad City (one a piece for those last 5 but I AM going to write a Parks and Rec polycule fic for @gaykagome)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

They're all Good Omens fics from the 2019 Summer of Good Omens! Susceptible to Summer, Fragments Shored Against My Ruin, Something So Magic, Enter Serpent, and Anything We Like

All of those have over 2k except the last one, but average engagement for me is like 400 kudos or so

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try! It depends on what's going on with me. Sometimes I just don't have the energy, and I figure people would rather I spend my brain power on writing new fics than on writing replies to comments. Wish I had a fave button tho so I could let people know I read and reread comments, because I do!

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh I wrote this ficlet series called A Chemical Defect about John and Sherlock's relationship in s3 of BBCS, and it's WILDLY unpopular. People don't read my fic to cry sad tears I guess! John and Sherlock are having an affair in the story, and it ends with the implication that their relationship is unsustainable and that Mary knows about it anyway. I intended to come back to it after s4 and write a more optimistic ending but LOL! Didn't have the heart.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I know this answer is kinda up my own ass, but like. I think stories that feel true to life sort of feel like they end on a beginning if you know what I mean? You don't really consider a chapter of your life closed until you look back on it from the next? SO that said, I think I'd have to say that it's my big BBCS serial The Only One in the World. I spent 2 years writing it, and it ends with John retiring from medicine to solve crimes and write books full time.

Could also be my WDMCU (werewolf Draco Malfoy cinematic universe) series Moonrise, which starts with Draco isolated in his abusive mother's house, trying to cope with lycanthropy essentially alone and ends with him in love and surrounded by found family in a cozy cottage in Hogsmeade, having gotten some lycanthrope rights legislation passed after working at it for years and talking to Harry about whether they want to have kids. Oh man I feel warm and fuzzy just thinking about it

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I have written one crossover. It's BBCS/Fleabag, because me and @loudest-subtext-in-tv were laughing about how John seems like one of the horrible guys Fleabag sleeps with basically out of self loathing, so I wrote this fic to make Nattie laugh, and you should read it bc it's so good and so underrated.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really, but people don't seem to know that authors can read bookmark tags unless you private the bookmark, and someone once put in the bookmark tag on one of my fics 'writing was meh but it was okay.' Okay so why bookmark it then??

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Fuck yes! I'm not sure what 'what kind?' means? People fucking? Sloppy, silly, and awkward, with lots of laughing. I also really like writing afterglow scenes which are even sillier and gigglier and often involve one character cooking for another. Food as love language is a very distinct pattern of mine tbh

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, but occasionally I'll write a post on here where I make some elaborate head canon, and I'll see people in the tags talking about how they want to write fic of it, and it makes me breathe fire out of my nose like a dragon like PLEASE DON'T. The WDMCU came out of a ficlet post I made on here like a year before I actually wrote the 60k series so like!!! Please don't do that!

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! To Russian and I believe Chinese. Not my entire oeuvre but a handful of BBCS and Good Omens fics

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I wrote a fic inspired by an RP I did with my gf right around when we met (actually now that I think about it, it's two fics), and I waaaaaaanna do a WDMCU collab with my beloved Sally @clytemenestras at some point if he has time bc he inspired me to even write werewolf draco with his original lesbian werewolf story

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

favorites are hard for me? I always think I'm currently doing my best writing lol so I'll say drarry

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I don't post fics unless theyre finished, so I don't have any WIP up on AO3, but I did intend to continue with my fem Sherlock Holmes series, Your Many Tendencies. I just haven't been in a Holmes mood for a long time. Maybe I'll come back to it idk. This particular series is honestly very unpopular? People will just straight up say they don't read femslash, and it hurts a lot. This series feels really personal too, bc it's about a Black autistic nonbinary lesbian, so it does hurt my feelings that no one seems to care, yknow? I mean the people who read it are extremely kind and thoughtful in their engagement with it, but it has vastly less engagement than my m/m fic, and that's painful. It gets literally 1/10 the attention my fics usually get.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Almost all of my writing is romance, but I tend to write concurrently about recovery and found family, and I think I'm very good at doing that in a way that connects with my audience. I once had someone ask if they could use my words in their wedding vows, and I've had people tell me they started doing things with their spouse that my characters do with their partners in order to express love. I think about that all the time. My Impact. It makes me feel like I have a real duty to my audience yknow?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

This question is hard for me like I've been writing so long and so much that I'm literally always happy with my final draft! It's always exactly to my taste, yknow? I suppose I could say that my fics tend not to be terribly plotty but so WHAT? That's beside the fuckn point for me. Plot who? I don't know Her. Also honestly like. Stories feel more True to me when they aren't ruthlessly devoted to plot bc like life isn't like that yknow?

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If you're not fluent in that language, get a beta who is!!!!! That said, I have written scraps of very simple dialogue in French using mostly Google Translate (sometimes I check w Sally bc he speaks French but I am usually too impatient), and I am perfectly well aware that I take my life in my hands each time!!! Also don't do that bullshit thing where it's in italics? That shit is weird and exoticizing. Just write it in quotation marks like normal dialogue.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

BBCS babey back in 2012. Ended a 5 year dry spell for me after I got my writing degree.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Hmmmm I think it's probably gonna be the fic I'm working on now that I haven't posted yet, but I know it's called Names for a House, and here's a tiny bit of it

Thanks again Shreya for asking me to do this bc I really love talking about myself. I tag @the-moon-loves-the-sea, @clytemenestras, @tomiano, @gaykagome and @totallysilvergirl

No pressure <3

[softer-ua]

in regards to what you pointed out a few posts ago, ngl one of my least favorite fandom things is when they make Kaminari the Har Har Stupid Joking ADHD Bi Playboy Who Is Never Serious Trope. like, he's very smart, 'worst in ___ area of a UA course' is very impressive and I don't remember if it even said that or just that he was studying with some other students, worried about his grades overall, calls himself stupid with implied insecurities about it, and didn't think he was very smart compared to the other people in the course. quirk overuse makes him loopy, incoherent, and think everything's funny. and yeah, he's a bit of a flirt and made a few perverted comments and actions that he clearly didn't think through that well. I'm pretty sure he's not ever stated to be bi in the manga because it was written by a coward, so I think people should think more about why they're associating and pairing together the idea of "hot flirty playboy who if legally able would sleep with everyone he meets" with emphasis or joke in the captions of whatever the content is on him being bi. I don't think this is inherently bad, even put together, but the execution feels kind of :/ and shallow. and I mainly just wish they'd pause to consider if there's any reason (subconscious or intentional) why one of those makes them think about the other, and at the very least lean back to see if they're blatantly making those traits centric around each other and tweak how they're showing them a little. Part of this is also because it's basically his fanon sexuality, but then they stick together "oh he's bi and everyone thinks that" and "he's made flirty or perverted comments and actions in canon at some point" and then mentally exaggerate and have this Canon Image of him as *waves hand at above* and I don't think that's happening consciously in most cases but. again. Cookiecutter Bi Party Playboy Who's Made a Date Offer to Everyone In The Building. not a flirty Person or a Playboy who is bi and flirts with more than one genders

I myself headcanon him as adhd and while the exact sexuality depends on my mood I think of/have him as bi in a lot of my content, but it's the same thing with why non adhd people see how he acts and label "adhd!" Especially about comprehension speed and derpy acting and intelligence and attention span jokes/tropes. Again, not bad in and of itself, but the specific parts of his behavior that make them think he's adhd, or that they start making jokes about or Ha Ha ADHD'ing, or that they think is why we project ADHD on him, (which they aren't necessarily wrong about, but like right in a really disrespectful look at how funny this is oh look squirrel way that's only funny when adhd people are doing it and it isn't all mocking like that) when they see other people calling him adhd, are the wrong ones, I think, and it shows in their characterization of him.

I'm not saying that any of those traits are bad in a character, but as a queer adhd girl with very high annual test scores and Gifted Kid Intelligence but extremely poor grades, focus, and brain damage (admittedly nothing like his, it was a longterm passive thing that mainly just made me have a Lot of Really Bad headaches, and closest thing it did to me was make me sluggish and emotional on bad days and also techincally have the potential kill my language bit if left untreated or the surgery messed up, which it didn't, and it won't be a problem again. but even after explaining that it wasn't cancer or any sort of tumor, and after seeing it do very little at all to affect my behavior outside of irritability and performance, because y'know, constant migraines, gone after the surgery but this was before that, Certain People I Was Vaguely Kind Of Acquaintances With started to treat my like I was a fragile glass thing going to to drop dead and revive myself speaking like a comic relief cartoon crazy person at any moment which was. patronizing.) I've since had surgery for, the way the fandom combines them into stereotypes and portrays them really just rubs me the wrong way- "Flirty Bi(tm) Playboy" "Har Har ADHD Can't Focus Or Get Things After They're Explained To Him, He's Still Confused And An Idiot" "Stupid Person With Brain Damage Who Can't Take Care Of Or Think For Themself And Acts Stupid And Funny For People To Laugh At" which tbh is super ableist even and especially when people irl do fit that description, and also reminds me of the Autistic Person Freaking Out And Being Dramatic sense of humor. And I know it's not helped by canon, because it done for comic relief and to limit his powers, but explored more I think it as a limitation could have been used way more interestingly than canon did and also call me biased but that quirk induced brain frying sounds at least as concerning as Izuku's quirk's backlash.

And it's a shame!! Because he's so much more interesting than that! Instead, the fandom gives me the Cookicutter Funny Bi ADHD Flirt Who's An Idiot and I am sad about it.

tbh it reminds me of what happened to percy jackson, esp with the ADHD Idiot Trope thing. which sucks because apparently it originated in the author making up stories around characters like his adhd and dyslexic kid inspired by Greek myths to tell him after running out of actual myths because it was his special interest and he wanted more. and then the series got kind of all over the place and the fandom processed that the adhd and dyslexic main character who does dumb things sometimes but is very combat smart and great at strategizing and leading gets bad grades and has trouble focusing and has, y'know, adhd, and made him the ADHD Idiot and erased his Gifted Kid girl friend's traits and ADHD and dyslexia into No Nonsense Calls Him an Idiot And Thinks He's Stupid And Has To Tell Him What To Do And Manage His Life For Him and honestly that just kind of sucks and it reminds me of what happened to fandom Kaminari. and now that I think of it people have jirou like that around him a lot too.

im fine with you answering this publicly if you want or have something to add but probably tag as ableism and maybe a biphobia mention content warning for people who don't have the energy to deal with thinking about those kinds of negative things rn because I kind of Went Off About It

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💚(and double thank you for tag suggestions)💚

I couldn’t agree more that a lot of fandom has messed up Kami’s character, which is why I’ve kinda been posting more about him cause he’s just stuck in my head.

I think a lot of fandoms have trouble with characters like this, people have a hard time with duality in characters and fast/fun posts are easier to make if you flatten a character down.

The did it to Kami, they did it to Percy, they did it to Ron Weasley, they do it to Thor, the list goes on. If being the Smart One ™️ isn’t your thing and you can be goofy than you get pigeonholed into the idiot trope.

I feel for Kami a lot(probably because I have adhd/brain damage too)

It sucks when you’re smart but it’s not the traditional, measurable kind of smart(even if by national comparison Kami technically is).

I got terrible grades growing up, and I pretty much got the absolute lowest gpa you can get and still graduate. But absolutely no one would have known if I didn’t tell them, because I’m not dumb.

(It’s okay if you are “dumb”, I love me a head empty just vibes friend. You’re 100% valid, stil worthy of joining discussions, and should be listened to and taken seriously. This just isn’t about that tho)

I joke sometimes that I’m clever and witty but not smart, because that’s exactly what it feels like.

I have lots of thoughts and ideas that I think I articulate pretty well, I am excellent at finding the humor in things and expressing it in a way that’s funny to others too, and there is almost zero problems I can’t find a work around. And the people in my life love it, and they love to use it.

But eventually everyone in my life finds out that I’m not smart. They see the way I have to pause to Google how to calculate a tip, that I don’t know the name of all 50 states or even where to find them on a map, or I legitimately just can not spell (if you ever see a post where it looks like I used a weird word choice it’s probably because I tried 4 times and autocorrect+Google couldn’t help me and voice to text wasn’t an option)

No one ever questions my intelligence until they find out about my adhd and/or catch me struggling with it. After the mask comes off it’s like they can’t even hear me anymore, nothing I say could be true or matter because I’m now just the goofy accident prone spacy girl. My family literally calls me Spacy

And ya know what sometimes I just let people think that because it’s easier, it’s easier than explaining that I’m dyslexic and that I didn’t have a single geography/history clas until 10th grade and shocker the capital of Iowa doesn’t come up much by then. And it’s easier for me to laugh off losing my keys again than dwell on the fact that sometimes it feels like I’m losing my marbles.

And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if after this post I get a lot more “fact checkers” and push back on anything else I post.(not talking about people who want to genuinely engage,y’all are always welcome, I’m talking those people who don’t wanna look it up themselves but no longer trust me to know what I’m talking about)

Kami is a sweet brilliant boy. He’s in a nationally high ranking school, he loves the weather channel, he’s careful about his quirk that could easily hurt his friends in combat, he has a very high emotional intelligence level, he wears dorky shirts with electricity puns on them, and he pays attention to his friends and remembers a lot of little things about them.

He wants to be a hero and he takes that seriously, and the series has tried time and time again to tell y’all that smiling and laughter are an important part of that. Kami excels at this part! So what if his history grades don’t rival the top of the class, the top 5 students would struggle hard to do what Kami does.

Iida can’t relax, Momos rather shy, Todo struggles with social cues, Midoriya is canonically not funny, and jfc where to even begin with Katsuki. I’m certain they’ll all grow up to be excellent heros in their own right, but none of them are going to bring the level of joy and camaraderie that Denki can. You can’t test that into someone.

Kami also just notices people differently and has any easy way of joining in with them, he doesn’t struggle approaching Katsuki or Shinso. Sure he doesn’t hit the the nail on the head the same way Deku does but he’s the only one who has the guts and skills to try. Also he’s not that kinda friend, he’s not looking to a save these guys but pal around with them

I think Kami 100% realizes what a special case and tough nut to crack Bakugo is, I don’t think he’s just careless or too dumb realize his life’s at stake or whatever.

I think he’s purposely testing Bakugos boundaries all while trying to not be a threat to Katsukis actual ego and calling Bakugo out when he needs it in a way that not to serious. Kami knows how to be just goofy enough that he’s approachable. He’s also keyed in that the way to Bakugo is through Deku, meanwhile everyone else is stuck believing the opposite.

Kami also realized how important music is to Jiro and saw an opportunity to let her display her skills and combin the two worlds she lives, and he wasn’t afraid to get some back lash from her for it.

Like Deku Kami isn’t afraid to be uncomfortable. You really can’t teach that level of social ease, you can teach the posture and feed people a couple of lines but it’ll never hit the same. Funny approachable people have spent a lifetime learning the craft, usually out of necessity.

It’s actually what gives me the biggest adhd vibes from him, because adhd is (speculated to be) a dopamine deficiency disorder. People with adhd are constantly trying to raise their dopamine levels, and that means looking for praise and reward and nothing makes the human brain light up faster than postative human connections.

Adhd children struggle a lot with connecting with peers and often find making people laugh a fast way into people’s circles and makes it more likely people will overlook being interrupted or spaced out on.

Also adhd people are pretty much forced by their own brain structures to be genuine in all they do, low dopamine levels make it very hard to do things you don’t enjoy because there no promise of dopamine from the activity and you don’t have enough to spare, plus impulsiveness makes it really hard to not show when you do or don’t enjoy something.

I agree that Kami is also painted as overly perverted at times, he’s a little flirty but in a fun casual way but it’s not the foundation of his personality and it’s really mellowed out over the course of the series.

And while I subscribe to the bi hc from his interactions with Jiro and Shinso, we should all be very mindful that we don’t lump these characteristics together. The are separate facets of his personality that are not dependent on each other in anyway.

Kami deserves all the respect and love, I can’t wait to see our electric king again 🖤⚡️🖤