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#I'm too old for this aesthetic anyways
astrxealis · 9 days
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making myself suffer looking thru ffxiv stuff on tumblr when i could be playing ffxiv rn but i eternally love and miss ffxiv
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#Ough... oooooggghhhhh..........#unrelated but i will probably make my next theme mr leon kennedy bcs how iehehebfknsnd i am over him lately#is... kinda insane! silly <3#like. damn! damn. amidst darkest despair light everlasting.#ffxiv is so so so so so crazy from 1.0 to 6.0 and beyond and soon 7.x and and and#i miss raiding :( i miss my friends in ffxiv too. esp my best friend.#def will get back into raiding by the time 7.x ultimate comes out bcs GOD !!! god.#and okay pandaemonium & eden are my fav tiers aesthetic and story and fight wise#and memory wise bcs eden 9-12 was my first ever savage tier. meant a lot to me. still does#i played through that shit when i was . 14 y/o and newly 15 y/o LMFAO#and then pandaemonium just like. the year after. when i was 15 y/o... not even reaching 16. damn.#it's tough playing ffxiv when you're young but it's nice seeing more & more ppl around my age playing#even tho these guys most likely did Not start playing when they were like. 13/14 y/o. since i started on my bday LMFAO#it's crazy bcs i am playing w majority adults and maybe the occasional minor who is still like. at least almost an adult#^^ back then i mean bcs ok the closest friend i made when i was on eu was this guy 3 yrs older than me. that is already insane to me.#and my best friend since i'm now on oce is still a year older than me!#and it's silly (?) bcs eu i tried to hide my age at first but then they kinda found out bcs probably the way we r is just. too Different LOL#but i mean obvs it changed some stuff bcs it would be weird for probably 30 year old to be besties w a half their age kid#but the whole lil fc was just rlly sweet. :(( made a great friend i see as my big bro i am still friends w. that probably 30 y/o guy and the#kinda mom of the fc lowkey saw me & my twin as sweet kids. the person we got into xiv was like a big bro figure too and Damn his gf is rlly#cool! and the uni age students were super cool and fun to talk w. and the friends of my close friend who were also my friends were so fun.#i miss that but i look back on it all fondly ..... :3 and then w oce it's a bit more complicated bcs#i haven't had much time or opportunities to Find a group like that? but instead i found a best friend :((#rlly close in age and w similar likes and interests and personality..... etc etc etc.......#and separately the static i & my twin joined was. Funny lol! it's silly bcs we kinda had to hide we were lil 15 y/o kids w these guys who#were all at least uni. and all of these guys were def 20-30 y/o#and one guy liked making Daddy jokes (nothing bad tho LMFAO) bcs. hesperos sheesh!#silly bcs bunch of aussies and we were almost all miqos and Thankfully ye god one other filipino YAY !!!!!#anyway. max tags. so i love ffxiv man. i miss it always even when i'm playing it.
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gloriousmonsters · 1 year
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oh right i haven't told anyone on here yet. guess who got an early birthday present of a mother fuckin PC + monitor + etc
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aberooski · 6 months
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The way I fucking love Age of Ultron with my entire heart and soul 😭
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mattodore · 7 months
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time to finish reading theo’s questionnaire
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#river dipping#questionnaire lb#literally had to take a break from it yesterday because it broke my brain a little bit . like i was Unwell all day bc of him#like that last moodboard post i shared before Logging Out did a number on my head too and then everything reminded me of him all day lmao#i also deleted like a hundred old pins from his board so now his pinterest board is back down in the 400s from where it crept into the 500s#his board is so text heavy it's not very aesthetically pleasing... like in comparison to matthias's board which is just...... chef's kiss#but i cannotttttt get myself to whittle his board down any more than i already did. like........... WHY should i try to make his board#pretty anyway? like this is theo we're talking abt. his thoughts overwhelm him his surroundings are cluttered there's holes everywhere#in his brain and he's lost all his softness so like ACTUALLY ! his board being messy is uhhhhhh#a character choice i've just decided 😁#...no but it does actually annoy me that matthias's board is so much more cohesive 😒 should i kill him for this . . .#.............OC brain rot aside !#when i'm done reading i'm going to finish making this pose i started last night based on this gifset i saw#and then i'm gonna actually !!!! open !!! the sims !!! to test poses out and take these shots for that tag game kay sent my way 😋#i've gotta see what clutter cc i already have first tho... i have 50gb of build cc there's gotta be some stuff i can use for theo#matthias is easy. he literally just carries his phone and his card like that's it...#...also sorry i'm being so bad at replying/looking at my activity i'm just an avoidant personality disorder haver . you understand
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bloomingonionbitch · 1 year
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(that was one of my favorite episodes of television, ever. everyone go watch Ep. 6 of "Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" and report back).
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heir-of-the-chair · 2 years
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Fall time is coming up which apparently means that the academia outfits were at Macy's today and I am winning
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lucidfairies · 5 months
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science class [e.w]
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pairing: loser!ellie x cheerleader!reader
summary: when a new cheerleader arrives at ellie's college, face all dolled up and skirt-clad hips swaying, she all but wants to die.
warnings: smut, 18+ mdni, poc friendly, smoking, bottom!ellie, dom!fem!reader, tribbing, cunnilingus, nipple play, sorta thigh riding, overstim ‼️, ellie comes like five times
wc: 3.6k
top notes: I like accidentally made ellie sort of autistic but it's not my fault okay. also when I was writing this I was thinking abt how if this was a novel the reader would be black but I'm white so idk if I can like write that without like getting something wrong but sorry anyway
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sometimes ellie wished she was blind. she wished that she couldn't see pretty girls, because maybe then she wouldn't fall in love with everybody. especially you.
she was two weeks into her sophomore year of college when you showed up. immediately blinded by your beauty, she almost tripped down the hallway as you walked past, in a short little skirt, and a white shirt. your ponytail flicked as you walked by, meeting up with someone you knew already.
she knew she was fucked.
when she arrived at her class, she was astounded to see that you were sitting in the seat next to hers, chewing gum and typing on your computer with cute blue light glasses on. like it was nothing. like her world wasn't crashing down in front of her.
standing in the corner of the lecture room, she debated moving seats. there were plenty of open ones, but you chose the one next to her? how was she supposed to survive this class with a pretty girl next to her, observing everything she does?
the answer is, she wasn't going to.
she was simply going to perish from the sight of you, from being in your presence, because she certainly didn't deserve to be and-
"ellie, would you please sit down? you're creeping me out." her teacher said, and she shifted nervously, then sped to her seat with her gaze trained at the floor. "okay, let's dive in, shall we?"
and the lecture continued. like you weren't right there. she couldn't understand why everyone in the world wasn't looking at you right now, absolutely entrancing, the way you took cute aesthetic notes and reapplied your shiny clear lip gloss.
"ellie?" you said, hoping she truly answered to that. she turned, meeting your eyes with a nervous smile and rosey red cheeks. "hi. I'm y/n. I just wanted to tell you that I like your sweatshirt."
it was a ratty old thing that joel had given her years ago, with a faded queens logo and a hole in the armpit that she had to sew back together every time she washed the poor hoodie.
"it's nice to meet you," she said quietly, tucking back a piece of hair that had fallen into her face. she realized how strange she must've looked and stopped quickly, "my dad gave it to me when I was like 11. I've had it forever."
you giggled. you just fucking.. giggled. "you aren't one of those people who just wears it because it's cool though, right?" ellie shook her head violently.
"no, I love their music. I wish I was born in the eightees so I could've listened to them live and.. yeah. I really like them." she turned away from you ever so slightly, nervously over talking and terrified that she was embarrassing herself.
"hey, you're good. I wish I was too. my favorite song is probably back chat, but keep yourself alive is a close second. how about you?" and you let this loser girl next to you talk. and talk. and talk.
ellie didn't know that you were intrigued by her demeanor in every way. from the stickers on her lap top to the patches on her backpack, every detail about her you noticed. you observed the way she warmed up to people and let you strike up a conversation with her about anything once you knew her. and it was... cute. really fucking adorable.
ellie's life only got a million times harder after that. to add to her series of neverending death sentences, she now had to see you in your perfect makeup and effortless outfits everyday. instead of just showing up to class, you insisted on talking to ellie. about everything. cheer, your friends, some dude that was hitting on you.
and on top of that? she saw you in the hallways, or on campus and you smiled. waved, even. some days you even talked to her. in public. you weren't afraid to be friends with her. and though she had jesse and dina, she still had very little social experience, and you were like a breath of fresh air.
on a chilly wednesday afternoon, ellie was walking to the building that your class had been in, and caught a glance of some other lesbian couple on campus. that settled it. she was going to ask for your number today, it wasn't like she was proposing marriage. just something simple. easy.
"can I have your number?" she interrupted you mid-sentence. and you smiled. of course you fucking smiled. she prepared herself for the notorious rejection, after hearing rumors of you rejecting everyone that came up to you and asked for your socials we. she wasn't just anyone, though.
"duh, you only took forever to ask." ellie was frozen in place. had you wanted her to ask? couldn't you have asked for hers? but before she could overthink too much, you were shoving your phone in her face and ellie was putting her number in. "anyway, as I was saying.."
ellie tuned out what you were saying, purely by accident. there were too many big events going on in her life for her poor brain to handle. the love of her life just agreed to give her their number, and she was plotting her route to dina's dorm as quickly as possible to tell her everything.
"holy shit dina," she huffed, running her hands through her hair. "I asked for her number so she gave it to me, and we talked! dina, we talked. about things. I already have our life planned out. we're gonna have two kids and a dog, she'll be a stay at home mom, because I'll do everything for her. I would kill for this girl, dina." dina was unimpressed.
"you are such a loser, els. has anyone told you that before?" she wasn't a loser, she was just incredibly and obsessively in love with you. ellie rolled her eyes. "I say make a move. you never know what could come of it."
"I can't," she sighed, trying to find words. "I can't just make a move, what if she doesn't like me? what if she thinks I'm weird?" she frowned.
"you are weird. if she doesn't like you like that, then fuck her. maybe start with being friends?" ellie nodded. she thought you guys were already friends, but technically you never hung out outside of class, and you hadn't really texted that much (she got your number today, but that hardly mattered).
"should I invite her to jesse's on friday?" dina rubbed the back of her neck. jesse was in a frat, one of the largest on campus that had absolutely wild parties on the weekends, which weren't exactly the best place for first dates. but to ellie... smoking and drinking around hot people in a random basement? amazing.
"if you think she's into that, I'm not gonna stop you." ellie was up and out of dina's apartment quickly, biking back to the dorms and planning out everything that was going to happen on friday.
- - -
in ellie's defense, she overslept. she wasn't thinking much about grabbing a jacket when she was already going to be ten minutes late, so when she stopped outside and the cool air hit her like a brick, she was less than prepared. but it hardly mattered. today was the day she was going to invite you to jesse's party, so her stupid jacket was like a blip on her radar.
"ellie, you're turning blue." you said, once ellie stumbled into her seat next to you. she was in nothing but a loose fitting tee-shirt and jeans, nothing to protect her petite figure. you hadn't noticed before how toned her arms were, but you certainly did now.
"I'm fine, it-it-it's not that cold." her teeth chattered as she stealthy tried to rub her hands over her arms to create friction.
"ellie, baby, I have an extra sweatshirt," you giggled when her eyes widened, grabbing the sweatshirt and handing it to her. "wash it and return it to me whenever." it was a bland black sweatshirt, but it matched your outfit, and you were more than happy to give it to ellie.
ellie who was most definitely going to pass out. she was probably just cold. it wasn't because she could smell your perfume on your hoodie that you just handed her. like it was nothing. she was going to fall out of her chair, onto the floor, and die.
"thanks," she pulled it over her head and sunk into it. "I'll give it back next class- what are you doing on friday?" she tried to get her thoughts straight while you looked at her with an adorable smile.
"I'm actually packing up and leaving, I dropped out," ellie's face fell, "oh ellie you're face," you laughed hard, and her expression softened. "but I'm not doing anything. why? wanna ask me out?" ellie was definitely blushing hard.
"my friend jesse is having a party at his frat on friday, do you.. do you maybe wanna go?" you tilted your head and looked away, as if you actually needed to think about it.
"hm, I guess I can fit that into my schedule." ellie released the breath she was holding and looked down at her hands for a moment before meeting your eyes again.
"uh that's great. it's kappa alpha, at nine. I would pick you up but I don't have a car,"
"how about I pick you up? what's your dorm number?" ellie texted you all the details, and it was settled. you were going on a date. together. in two days, and you were driving. ellie was on cloud nine- not even, cloud fucking ten.
- - -
"hey els," you giggled as she opened her dorm door. "oh, you look so cute! I'm definitely stealing this from you." you pushed a piece of hair behind her ear and messed with the corner of her collar, attached to a red flannel.
"oh thanks... it's yours if you want it." you knew if you asked she wouldn't ever have you give it back, maybe even give it to you right now. she stepped out of her room and shut the door, then followed you down the hallway.
"so who's this jesse kid? I hear a lot about him." you asked, turning on the engine and pulling out of the parking lot. the frat was on the other side of campus and ellie planned on walking? laughable.
"I really don't know him that well, he's dating my friend dina. he's a big stoner, but he's not super into the party scene. just goes 'cause the frat does." her eyes were trained out the window, not because she didn't want to listen to you, but because she was insatiably nervous.
"nice, nice." you paused for a moment. "are we gonna dance together or what? gonna save me a slow dance?" the tips of ellie's ears turned red.
"because I have such a roster." she joked, rolling her eyes. she would save every dance for you.
"perfect. is jesse's weed good?" she shrugged.
"it's okay. not as good as mine, and his plug is kinda shitty. whatever, it works. we're here." you pulled the car to a stop against the curb, in awe at how many people were coming in and out of the house.
ellie desperately needed to get high. maybe then she could talk to you like a normal person, not like she was trying to brush you off. when she found jesse, he was talking to dina and brushed her off. with a groan, she turned to find some other seller.
you were talking to someone, pretending not to pay attention to ellie skittering around the house talking to people she knew. maybe she wasn't as much of a loser as you thought, or maybe she was just a stoner. one of them. either way, she kept disappearing, but when you finally found her again, she was sitting on a couch, joint hanging from her lips as she talked with some friends.
"els," you fell next to her, taking the joint out of her mouth and taking a hit. "we should play beer pong." you suggested, smiling at her the way she liked.
"we were just talking about that," dina cut in, "me and jesse will play with you guys, won't we jes?" he turned back towards the three of you, dazed and a little confused. "that's a yes." ellie was burning lasers into dina, who was standing.
one of the tables was empty, and the group immediately moved to occupy it. you took your place next to ellie, teaming up with dina who was smirking at the end of the table. "you go first," you handed ellie the small white ball.
ellie was skilled, that's for sure. she made almost every single point, which had jesse drinking until he couldn't see straight. she was trying so hard not to focus on the way your bicep brushed against hers, and the way you giggled whenever you made a point. it just wasn't fair. none of this was fair.
"I definitely won." ellie said, as you made your way back inside. "you had, like, two drinks, max. I had jesse drinking for miles." you could tell she was on something now, the way she grinned and made eye contact and jokes were far from her usual character.
"don't you owe me a dance?" your hand locked with hers as you gently pulled her in the direction of where most people were dancing. you lifted her arm and spun her, pulling her back against your front by her hips.
ellie surely wasn't breathing. she was sure that she had died from alcohol consumption, or maybe someone stabbed her, and she was dead, in heaven. or a fever dream in a coma. there was no way in hell -in hell- that you were swaying your hips against her ass, cunt so fucking close to where she desperately needed you.
"this is fun, don'tcha think, ellie?" you whispered, voice low as you guided her hips with yours. her head fell back against your shoulder, alcohol wearing off as you ground her hips against your front. "I asked you a question, darlin."
"so fun," she muttered, eyes closed as she let you bring her hips back and forth with yours to the beat of the music. "wanna go upstairs?"
"ellie williams inviting me upstairs on the first date? dirty." you giggled, pulling away from her body. she was flushed, her boxers were already wet, and she had no clue what going upstairs entailed. but she needed you regardless. "lead the way, confident." she ran her sweaty hands down the front of her jeans and led you upstairs, to an empty bedroom. it was jesse's, and he wouldn't ever know.. right?
you were pulling her face against yours before she even got a chance to tell you that she didn't know what to do. you were definitely taking the lead on this one - not that ellie objected in any sense.
you nicked her bottom lip, eliciting blood at how chapped they were. you pushed your tongue into her mouth, smiling when she moaned and pulled you in by your waist. your hands traveled, brushing against her tits from beneath her tee shirt. obviously she didn't wear a bra, she was too cool and masc for that.
"you're desperate els," you sneered when you pulled away, pulling your crop top up and over your head. "take off your shirt and pants and lay down." ellie had no thoughts in her head; just you. you telling her to strip. this definitely wasn't a fever dream.
she quickly lost her shirt and pants, leaving lanky limbs and embarrassing boxers. her nipples were perked up, waiting to be sucked and slapped, and her face was red with a never ending blush.
when she laid down, you got on top of her, pushing her legs up around your waist as you sucked hickey after hickey into her neck. she was writhing and whining, begging for you to touch her further than just your hands still placed on her thighs. just from making out and hickies she was pushing her hips into you, clit hitting the fabric of your skirt as you moved to push your thigh between her legs.
"need you so bad," she whimpered when you finally diverted your attention from her neck down her chest. you left soft kisses between her tits and around them, before taking her nipple in your mouth and harshly sucking. like a false sense of security.
her hips were coming down hard and fast against your knee as you continued to mess with her tits, pulling her nipples between your fingers and grazing them with your teeth. she was just so fucking sensitive, and she barely even smoked anything.
knowing she was getting close, you moved your knee and kissed down her sternum, leaving a trail of shiny gloss as you got to the waistband of her boxers. "oh, poor baby, you've been waiting for this, haven't you?" you ran your thumb over the wet patch of her underwear.
"nghh- for so long," she moaned as her hips rutted into your palm. "I think about y- fuck- think about you when I..when I come," her eyes squeezed shut in embarrassment, knowing she was sharing far more than she needed to.
"do you now?" you teased, pulling her boxers down her pale legs. you added them to the pile of clothes and admired how absolutely drenched she was, practically leaking onto the sheets. "what do you think about, princess?" you were bringing her legs over your shoulders, looking at her expectantly.
"think about you- mh- about this," she was immediately distracted by the way you kissed her clit. "about c-cuming on your- shit shit fuck," you pressed your tongue against her clit and licked, before sucking it into your mouth and painting patterns with your tongue.
after keeping your attention directly on her clit for a few minutes, you circled her entrance with your middle finger, lubing it up before pushing it in to the first knuckle and fuck, she was tight, holding onto your finger to the point you could hardly thrust.
"ellie, you gotta relax. we can stop if you want to." she shook her head violently, unclenching her eyes and trying to breathe. her body released its tension, which made everything less tense, allowing you to push your finger the rest of the way in.
and... she came. just like that, barely a finger deep her cunt, barely doing anything.
"jesus ellie," you laughed to yourself. you didn't wait for her to finish before you started fucking your finger into her. she whined and thrashed to get away from your hand, but you added another finger and pressed down on her hip to steady her. you curled your fingers up just enough to hit that sweet spot inside of her and she almost black out.
"fuck- s'too much.. s'too much," she slurred, drunk on your fingers. the bed shook lightly against the wall at the harshness of your thrusts.
"is it really, baby?" you grinned, before taking her clit in your mouth again. her moans were practically louder than the music downstairs, and her back was arching. she attempted to get away from you, pulling her hips away, but it was no use.
tears welled in her eyes as her stomach tightened. her pussy clenched around your fingers, sucking them in deep. you pressed against her spot as she came, making her let out a broken shriek.
ellie was definitely crying now. especially when you didn't stop... again. you just kept pounding your fingers into her, adding a third. just thinking about how hard she would cum on a strap instead of your fingers had you dizzy.
her second orgasm morphed into her third before you pulled your fingers out. they were drenched in cum, which was dripping down your arm and the sheets. ellie's cheeks were puffy from crying, hips twitching as she tried to breath.
"oh sweet girl, we're not done yet." you wiped your hand on the bed and climbed off of her, stripping yourself of your remaining clothes and coming back over her, kneeling between her legs.
you pushed her leg up, straddling her for a moment. her lips were parted, breathing heavily as she waited for you to drop against her. your lips quirked up into a smirk as you pressed your cunt against hers, head falling back as your clits met.
ellie's pussy was wet, covered in cum, ready to be fucked until she couldn't say any name but yours. you thrust your hips against hers, and she was crying again, pulling and flicking her own nipples as she listened to you moan and reveled at how phenomenal your pussy felt.
she pushed her hips into yours, so you held them down, forcing her to take whatever you gave her. you came down against her pelvis hard, almost to the point where it hurt, but ellie was living for it, sobbing out your name like it was God's.
"can't come again- I can't- fuck, nnghh," you forced two fingers into ellie's mouth and she shut up, sucking them like a slut.
"yes you can." your voice changed, something deeper and more dominant ripped out of you as you got close to your orgasm. a rock in your stomach dropped, and you could feel ellie getting close as you picked up the pace, moaning at how her cunt felt.
you came at the same time, cum mixing and smearing all over both of you. ellie was still crying, back arched as she moaned over and over. you kissed her ankle softly as you came down for your high, climbing off of her after a moment and laying next to her.
"I want you to be my girlfriend," ellie croaked, voice still hoarse for all the crying. you giggled, looking over at her with a grin.
"I think I can do that."
bottom notes: this is the longest fic I've written and I actually thought I wouldn't be able to get more than 2k words.. anyway sorry about the abrupt ending I kinda wanted to be done
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thekissesonkeisha · 11 days
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⋆.˚ how I like to manifest ! .𖥔˚
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∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘
To be honest, my kind of manifesting is like a lazy type because of how silly and laid back it is. It's good for loa babes like me who just wanna have fun manifesting, but don't wanna do too much.
But because of how complicated manifestation was made in the past years, you guys might see my manifesting as creative.
It just depends on how you, a master manifester, personally like to manifest compared to how I do things.
I like to call this process :
𐙚 shop, purchase, spawn ⋆.˚
Some of you read that and might be thinking "why is it shopping themed-" Silence. hear me out.
– what does it mean to "shop" and how to do it?
To shop means to browse, to look for, and to figure out what you want.
Like you would do before you go to a shop or even while you are in a shop, you would see something you like and wonder to yourself, "oo I really want this " or "Wouldn't it be so nice if I had this" or "Omg I have got to have that" something amongst those lines. This is the first half of my shopping process.
The second half is to look for whatever tickles my fancy and add it to my basket. But how do I do this, and where do I look for my desires? Literally anywhere. But my favourite shopping area is definitely pinterest (just like any other manifester), so let's use her as an example: To shop on pinterest would be to scroll or search for whatever my desire is. To place in a basket would be to sort it into a board.
– what do you mean "purchase", how to do it?
To purchase means to buy something; usually using digital or physical money. Or, in my case, to finalise the fact that it is mine/decide it's mine, by using affirmations!
Affirmations is my currency. When I give some affirmations, I lose some affirmations in order to "buy" my desire.
What I mean by this is that it's like a trade offer with myself. In order to buy my desires, I must trade in some limiting beliefs I have about the desire with new ones that support the fact the desire is now mine. Do you get it?
I traded my old beliefs for new beliefs for my desire in return!
– what does it mean to "spawn", how to do it?
To spawn means to appear very quickly or from nowhere in seconds. For me though, this would just be a simple word for "instant delivery" or "instant reality shift".
Now this is all spawning is. It is me shifting my reality to one where everything is the same but my desired affirmations have materialised instantly. To spawn a desire is to instantly shift to a reality where my affirmations about having my desire has materialised.
I love to spawn my desires instead of going through the process of having to collect it from somewhere (which IS still the manifestation of my affirmations but I'm just too lazy dude☠️😭)
𐙚 the world is a supermarket, and everything is free ! .𖥔˚
This is where my silly imagination gets creative, yall. I'm about to put you guys on some "shops" where you can "purchase" your specific desires from. Here are some obvious ones:
— what you can "buy" on pinterest !
Clothes, Shoes, Accessories, Wigs
Face claims, Body claims
Houses, Apartments/Penthouses
Food claims
Vehicle claims
Aesthetic claims
— what you can "buy" on tiktok ! (And youtube)
Song/Audio claims
voice claims/Accent claims
Face claims, body claims, personality claims
Fame claim
Aesthetic claims
Closet claims
Significant other claims (platonic or romantic)
Relationship trope claims
Room claims (bedroom,bathroom living rooms etc)
— what you can "buy" on Google maps
Houses, Apartments/Penthouses
Islands (😭)
Environment claims
Vacation spots
— what you can buy with your phone camera
I really love using my phone camera to shop for new desires guys because you can take a picture of ANYTHING.
You want to live in a specific neighbourhood? Take a picture of it and purchase is. Want the cutest clothe set you just saw in the window of a store? Take a picture and purchase it.
∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘
Anyway thats all I have to say for now.
CIAO!!😙💋
Tags I'm tryna put some cool loa babes on. Tell me what you guys think : @esotericc-angel @etherealkissed88 @edwadio @livingmydreamlife5555 @theshifterbear @nondualiber @ponchigg @ningsols @themanifestingbrat @4ellieluv @dollfaceirene @babygothprincess @revrealities
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nolita-fairytale · 5 months
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your past and mine are parallel lines | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader
summary: a run-in with an old friend sparks a conversation between you and carmy of the people you loved before each other. or rather, the one in which you meet claire.
warnings: use of she/her pronouns, no use of y/n, second person pov, swearing, tooth rotting fluff, not-your-normal jealousy fic, soft!carmy, lives in the world of make my heart surrender
wc: 3.9k
a/n: ok so hear me out: i just want to write about healthy relationships right now and that is where i'm at. this is not your normal jealousy fic and i hope you still enjoy! this lives in the world of 'make my heart surrender' because of course it does and takes place a month after my oneshot, j is for j beard and jealousy.
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It begins with forgotten carrots, tops attached, of course – a necessary ingredient to the dish that you’ve been working on all afternoon together. Usually, you’d go for a rainbow bunch, but for the puree, aesthetically of course, the classic orange carrot is much better suited. You’d hadn’t put them on the grocery list the day before, certain that you had a bunch or two at home sitting in your vegetable drawer, only to find mid-recipe development that you did not, in fact, have carrots at home. It doesn’t take long for Carmy to suggest a quick trip to the store, insisting that you come with him because this is a date, after all. 
It’s something you and Carmy have decided to do, now that neither of you are needed at the restaurant 24/7: a cooking date at home which, despite the fact that this date night was an idea born out of both of your desires to introduce more fun into your lives, will inevitably become a dish that Carmy tries to put on the menu anyways.
Divide and conquer is the strategy: while you hit up the produce aisle, Carmy is sent on a mission to procure a bottle of orange wine for dinner later tonight. 
But what’s supposed to be a simple Saturday afternoon grocery store run takes a turn for the intriguing as you hear a laugh – a woman’s laugh – and the familiar sound of your boyfriend’s voice muttering something about the name of his restaurant.
As you approach, you spot your boyfriend and the woman he’s found himself in a conversation with. Carmy leans against the refrigerator doors, his chest square to the brunette, bathed in neon blues from the refrigerator lights. 
“Because you’re the bear. And I remember you,” you hear her say. You observe carefully, the look of surprise and the blush that runs across Carmy’s cheeks in response to her words are not lost on you. 
There’s a palpable energy between them as they converse, and it feels as if all the blood is rushing to your head as you cut the tension with a single: 
“Hey.” 
As the brunette turns to you, you’re only a little taken aback by how beautiful she is. With long, thick, dark hair, she has piercing blue eyes, similar to the ones you’ve found yourself lost in in your years spent loving Carmen Berzatto. You feel almost silly as you stand there, holding a bunch of carrots in your right hand, suddenly grateful that your have your favorite of Carmy’s denim jackets tied around your waist (for “just in case the store’s got the AC blasting,” Carmy had reminded you before you left the house earlier). 
“Hi,” is all she replies, an almost too-friendly smile plastered to her face, as she takes a few steps towards you. “I’m Claire. I’m…” She trails off before stealing a glance over at Carmy before continuing with, “...an old friend. Of Carmy’s.” As the woman called Claire extends a hand out to you, you take it, giving her hand a curt shake as you introduce yourself. 
It dawns on Carmy, who has slipped into a state of what can only be considered as shock, that he probably should’ve introduced the two of you sooner as he mutters an apology under his breath. 
“Shit, yeah, sorry. I probably should’ve-. I uh, um, Claire. Yeah. This is uh, this is my girlfriend,” Carmy manages to get out, his face growing increasingly deeper shades of red as the words tumble out of his mouth. 
“Your-? Wow, oh my god! It’s-it’s so nice to meet you,” Claire replies, trying her best to hide the surprise in her voice as it increases in pitch with every word. 
“So… what’re you two up to-?” she begins to ask, looking from you to Carmy with wide, quizzical eyes. “Carrots. We’re uh…,” is the first thing that comes to mind as the words fly from your lips. “... buying carrots.” 
You realize how stupid it sounds, completely caught off guard, as you scramble to find any word in the English language that doesn’t sound as ridiculous as what you’ve just said. 
You wonder if this is how Carmy felt when you ran into Nate at the James Beard Awards about a month ago. 
At this rate, something’s gotta be in retrograde, right? you think to yourself as you try to push down your feelings of embarrassment. 
“Right,” Carmy mutters, while Claire tries to get the conversation back on track. 
“Well, it’s really good to see you, Bear. Really. I’ll have to stop by the restaurant sometime,” she says, preparing to excuse herself. 
“Yeah,” Carmy nods, still avoiding as much direct eye contact as possible. 
Bear.
It shouldn’t bother you as much as it does, and yet, you can’t help the feeling that wells inside of you as she says the name. 
The family name. 
His childhood name. 
It feels more intimate than it should, and maybe it is. 
You swallow, trying to shake the feeling. 
“Yes. Yeah, we’d uh… let us know. When you’re there,” you continue, exchanging a look with Carmy, who only nods along. 
“Oh, you’re a-, you work there too? At the restaurant,” Claire asks, eyeing the carefully drawn fruits and veggies that adorn the length of your arms, permanently inked there forever. 
“Yeah. Uh. Pastry chef,” you reply with a small laugh. 
She nods, almost as if she’s accepted an unspoken agreement – something you’re not sure you’ll ever know. 
“Well it was nice to meet you,” she says once more, shooting a soft smile in your direction, before excusing herself. “And it’s good to see you, Carmy.” 
As you watch Claire walk away, Carmy’s still frozen inside of what he thinks could be the most awkward experience of his month so far. 
“So… that was weird,” you say, as you turn towards your boyfriend. He mutters something in agreement because the only thing he can think of to say is, what the fuck just happened. 
And he’s barely figured that out. 
“Do… you want to talk about it?” you ask skeptically, dragging out the ‘o’ at the beginning of your question. 
“Not really,” he mumbles softly, shaking his head. 
“Great, me either,” you’re quick to reply, even though you both know that you’re going to have to talk about this eventually. 
—-------------------------------------
It seems to be a day of forgetfulness, as Carmy realizes that he’s left his notebook at the restaurant – something he’s been working out of for any and all new ideas, a habit you think he picked up from Syd. It’s not entirely out of the way, so the two of you decide to stop by on the way home. You enter through the back, hoping to skirt the tongue lashing you’ll both get for coming in – even just for a few minutes – on your day off. 
But a hall-pass just isn’t in the cards for either of you, as you’re instantly spotted, arm-in-arm, by Richie who’s just ended the pre-dinner shift all hands meeting. 
“It’s your day off! Get the fuck outta here,” Richie calls out to you with a shake of his head. “You two. I swear.” 
“I just forgot my notebook. We’re in, then we’re out. I swear!” Carmy defends himself, holding up his hands. 
“Yeah, yeah,” Richie dismisses him before issuing a warning with a wag of his finger. “You better not stay longer than five minutes, you got that?” 
“In and out. Scout’s honor,” you answer, before the abrupt interjection of Fak’s voice stops you from saying anything else. 
“Incomiiiiiiiing!” Fak cries, as he bursts through the doors. “Ahhhh man. Hey Carm! I heard you ran into Claire Bear.” 
Claire Bear?
You shoot Carmy a quizzical look that he’s more than eager to avoid. 
“The fuck are you talkin’ about?” Richie snaps as Carmy simultaneously lets out as: “Jesus fuckin’ Christ. What do you-? How? Already?!” “Fuck it’s been two fuckin’ seconds,” Carmy grits his teeth, trying his best to answer Richie’s question. “But apparently news travels fast.” He shoots you an apologetic look as he explains, “She’s uh… close family friends with the Faks.” 
“Ahhh,” you let out. “She seem good? Bet she was glad to see ya,” Fak inquires, overenthusiastically winking in Carmy’s direction. 
“Yeah she’s uh… she’s gonna be a doctor in a few months huh?” Carmy replies, trying his best to avoid Fak’s continuous winks. 
“Who the fuck is Claire?” Sydney asks, as she enters the conversation. Syd quickly notices the confused look on your face, in contrast to the embarrassed one on Carmy’s, and a more than eager Fak, much to Richie’s dismay. 
It’s as if he can read the situation in one look as Richie cuts in this time with an explanation:
“Will you stop it, fucko? Jesus Christ.” Richie turns his attention to you this time as shakes his head, brushing off Fak’s earlier comment. “She’s just a kid from the neighborhood. That’s all.” 
“Just a kid from the neighborhood?! You, Richie, you are not nice!” Fak exclaims. 
But Richie is faster, quick to dismiss the man as he cuts him off with a few sharp words about fixing his bowtie before dinner service starts. As they bicker back and forth, trading barbs like brothers, Carmy has returned to his ‘I really don’t want to talk about this’ body language, his shoulders slumped and completely avoiding eye contact. 
“Okay. Um…. Raise your hand if you’re off the clock but you’re acting really fuckin’ weird right now,” Sydney says, looking from you to Carmy, and then back to you. 
“I…” you try your best to explain to no avail – mostly because you’re not sure what to explain yet. 
“We should go. Let’s get out of here, yeah?” you propose, directing your attention towards Carmy again. You’re more than happy to be met with a nod as Carmy excuses himself, darting into his office to retrieve the notebook he came here for in the first place. 
You can tell that he’s not ready to talk about it, and after the weirdness today, you’re beginning to wonder more and more about this Claire girl. Carmy had never mentioned an ex-girlfriend. You knew that there were short-lived flings here and there throughout his twenties, but by the time you met him, it was just you and him, trapped inside your little bubble of denial and unspoken feelings until you weren’t. 
Claire doesn’t quite seem like an ex, but you could feel that she wasn’t just a girl from the neighborhood that Carmy grew up with either. 
“You good?” Sydney asks, immediately noticing your discomfort. 
“Yes,” you answer, unconvincingly. “Sooooo….?” Sydney begins to ask. 
So what’s going on? So what was that all about? 
“Girl, I will let you know when I know,” you answer, shooting her a matching look. 
“Godspeed, my friend,” Sydney replies with a salute, eliciting a much needed laugh from you. “I’m gonna get back to work but uh… I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” you nod, trying your best to shake off this weird feeling. 
As you watch her go, you’re too caught up in the what-the-fuck-ness of it all that you barely notice as Richie approaches. 
“You know you got nothin’ to worry about, right, sweetheart?” Richie asks you, interrupting the thoughts swimming around in your head. 
“No yeah. I-, he’ll tell me when he’s ready,” you reply, almost as if you’re trying to convince yourself. 
“You ready?” you hear Carmy ask. 
“Yeah,” you nod, before giving Richie a small smile because his reassurance means a lot. “Thanks, Richie.” 
As you wave goodbye, Carmy takes your hand before leading you out of the restaurant and en route towards home. There’s a thick tension between the two of you, filled with things left unsaid. It’s more of an awkward kind of tension as Richie’s words echo in your head: 
You know you got nothin’ to worry about, right, sweetheart? 
It means more to you than he knows – that Richie is in your corner. It’s not like the two of you are best friends, but you have a mutual understanding that you’ve been good for Carmen ever since you reentered his life. 
You’ve become a patient woman, knowing that, most of the time, Carmy has to come to you on his own time. You trust him wholeheartedly, and you trust that he’ll tell you when he’s ready. It just doesn’t help the anticipation that’s been building inside of you all afternoon. 
“You know. We’re gonna have to talk about this eventually,” you say, breaking the comfortable silence between you. 
“Yeah,” Carmy answers quietly, giving your hand a confident squeeze. And if it’s a promise, he adds, “Yeah, I know.”
—-------------------------------------
You’re barely paying attention to George Clooney’s portrayal of a former raider turned newspaper columnist of a fox, entirely distracted by your game of cat and mouse that you play with Carmy and his attention. You can feel his eyes on you as you take another sip from your wine glass, the funky and sour notes hitting your tongue as he watches you closely, your head hazy from getting towards the end of the second glass.  
Carmy sighs, shifting his body position, as if choosing the comfiest position will embolden him to tell you what’s been on his mind.
He lets out yet another sigh, this one much heavier than the last and you know he’s working up the nerve. 
You cradle your wine glass in your hands, giving the last of the orange elixir a swirl as you settle into the couch, your back pressed against the arm of it as you stretch your legs out in front of you. 
“Penny for your thoughts?” you finally ask him, and he lets out one last sigh of relief, almost as if he’s been waiting for you to ask. 
“Uh… yeah, actually,” Carmy admits, hesitantly.
You’ve been waiting for him to get here, taking in the vulnerable look on his face as he searches for the words he thinks will best convey what he wants to say. “So… there was like… someone… before me, yeah?” Carmy drags out, his face soft as he asks you a question that takes you by surprise. 
You let out what can only be described as a laugh and a sob as you reply with: 
“What do you mean?” you choke out, the laugh that escapes your body providing much needed relief. 
It’s not what you expected. That’s for sure. 
“You know…” he trails off, before taking another deep breath because as much as he hates to admit it, it’s really the only example he’s got. “Like… I know… about Nate.” “Nate?!” you exclaim with an even bigger laugh. “Bear, are you… are you asking me about my exes?” 
“Uh… yeah…” he admits on an exhale, almost embarrassed to be asking. “I guess uh-, I guess I am.” In his bashfulness, you giggle, reaching out to give his arm a squeeze as you begin to understand that he’s ready to talk about what happened in the grocery store. 
Carmy takes a breath, and you watch his posture soften.
“Well, Nate barely counts as an ex. I don’t… That was more of a… one-time mistake kind of thing,” you admit, knowing that it wasn’t all that long ago that Carmy found out about it in the first place. 
“Right,” Carmy nods, his gaze focused on his knees for a moment because even though he brought it up, he’d really like to stop talking about Nate right about now. 
“But!” you begin, trying your best to meet him where he’s asking you to. “The guy I dated… right before I met you, Alec was… definitely someone I consider an ex. 
“Yeah?” 
“Yeah um… we were together for two years… just before I started working at our old spot,” you begin, willing to give him as much information as he wants. “So why didn’t it work out?” Carmy asks curiously. 
“I don’t know, babe. I racked my brain trying to figure that one out a ton when we first broke up,” you sigh, uncertain of how to answer that question. You take your time choosing to be as honest as possible in your explanation. “I think… I don’t know. He was never as sure about me as I was of him.”
“We were great together, y’know? He was kind, and smart… he made me laugh… And we were really happy together for a long time. I mean, I think we were exactly what each other needed as the people we were in that time of our lives,” you explain, elaborating on what really worked in your relationship with Alec. 
“But eventually, none of that stuff really mattered because all I wanted was to be with someone who felt as crazy about me as I did about them, you know? And… he wasn’t… entirely sure.” 
Carmy lets out a deep breath as he takes your words in. 
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he apologizes, as he feels the weight of your words. “I guess… well, I guess I didn’t know about all that.” 
“Well, I didn’t exactly tell you,” you shrug. 
Carmy thinks it over, wondering why he never asked you about your broken heart back then – not that he was ever really good about that kind of stuff  – the talking about feelings kind of stuff, and whatnot. 
But he wants to be good at it now. Or, at least he’d like to try. He wants to try to be good at it for you. 
“Guy’s a fuckin’ loser,” Carmy comments, a bitterness in his voice as he does. “I can’t imagine it.” 
“Hm?” 
“Not being crazy about you,” he answers, his tone confident as his eyes catch yours. 
Your heart flutters with the way he looks at you, and between his words and his certainty about you, you can’t regret the past – not even a little bit. 
“It’s okay, Bear,” you reassure him, and you mean it. “If Alec and I had stayed together… well, you and I never would’ve….” 
“Danced around each other for over two years?” Carmy points out letting out a dry laugh. “Right,” you chuckle in agreement, with a playful eye roll. 
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.” 
“We’re here now. Isn’t that what’s important?” you ask with a shrug and a half smile. 
This time, his tone much more serious, Carmy answers with a, yeah, that feels heavier than the previous ones. 
You and Carmy both take a beat, letting the reality of your life with each other sink in. It’s as if all the ‘no’s of the past lead you here to this moment, and you’d have it no other way. 
“So. Who… is Claire?” you ask, earning a groan from Carmy as he swears under his breath with a shake of his head. You stretch out your leg, just enough to poke him with your big toe as he chuckles, wanting nothing more than to avoid this question. 
“It’s just… well you’ve never really told me about any of your exes!”
“Well she’s not really… my ex,” Carmy blushes, averting his gaze once again. 
“Well, she doesn’t really seem like just a friend,” you point out, and it suddenly feels like you’re showing your entire hand. Carmy agrees with you on an exhale, reminding himself that he wants to try the whole ‘better at talking about feelings’ thing with you. 
“Okay. Uh… well… we’ve known each other for like… forever, I guess,” Carmy begins to explain running a hand through his curls. “Her family is close with the Faks and I-, I-, uh… well, I sort of… had this massive crush on her… like all throughout school.” 
“What?” you ask, genuinely curious about his sudden coyness. 
“It’s embarrassing!” he defends himself, with a dry laugh. 
“Carmy, it’s not!” you insist, sitting up straight this time to reach for his hand. “Was it weird for you? Earlier today?” 
“Uh. Kinda, yeah,” he confesses, stealing a glance your way. 
“Yeah?” you ask. 
“Yeah. Like… a lot. Was that… not obvious?” he shoots back, this time with a shake of his head. “I just-. I don’t know. It was weird.”
“Good weird or bad weird?” you ask again, patiently. “Just… weird, babe,” Carmy answers honestly with a shrug of his own. 
You nod in understanding, wanting to give him the space to share more if he’d like to. It’s not that you were worried about Claire… but it had been weird, earlier today – and even stranger when no one was giving you a proper explanation. “I-, I-, it’s like. I had such a big crush on her. And I could barely work up the nerve to talk to her like… I was sort of just this-, this total fuckin’ loser,” Carmy continues, his eyes narrowing as he talks about a younger version of himself. “And now here I am… with my super hot girlfriend and I just-. I don’t know. It sorta uh… reminded me of like… a different version of myself.” 
“Yeah, no, I-, I get that. It’s… it’s such a weird feeling,” you empathize, exchanging a look with your boyfriend this time. 
You nod in understanding, only to be met with a laugh and another shake of his head as Carmy lets out a sigh of relief. “You’re being like… waaaaay too cool about this,” he points out, his voice lighter this time. 
“Oh yeah?” you ask with a quirk of an eyebrow. “Uh. Fuck yeah,” Carmy confirms, as you exchange a laugh. He shrugs once again, only a little embarrassed as he adds, “You know… I just… I kinda lost my fuckin’ mind. You know. About Nate.” You shrug, “That’s different. I-.” A beat. “Do you want me to be jealous?” “No,” Carmy answers. A beat. “Maybe?” And another. “I-, I don’t know. This is all so new to me!” 
“Carm,” you sigh, as you lean over, placing your wine glass down on the coffee table before scooting closer to your boyfriend as you continue. “You and I have been through so much together and there were days that I thought we’d never speak again… but somehow we still ended up here.” 
He grabs your hands, pulling you in closer towards him as you meet him pound for pound–all heart on both sides. 
“I trust you,” you reassure him, your fingers sliding perfectly between his. “And I know I have your heart… ‘cos I know you got mine.” 
“Ffffffuck,” Carmy exhales, in complete disbelief that you really are being too cool about this. “Seriously?!” 
You laugh, incredulously this time, as you decide to give your boyfriend just a little of what he may be looking for. “No, but. It did-, it was weird for me… today. With Claire. And then later at the restaurant when Fak brought her up. I mean… you weren’t lying. News traveled fast,” you admit, much to Carmy’s relief. 
“Neighborhood’s small. That’s for sure,” he agrees, equally uncomfortable with how quickly that got around. 
“And… She is like… really pretty. And… what? About to be a doctor so I guess that means she’s really fuckin’ smart. I mean-,” you continue. 
It doesn’t take Carmy long to realize that you’re trying too, deciding it’s best to put you out of your misery sooner rather than later as he cuts you off with a playful, “Oh shut the fuck up.” 
It’s your turn to laugh this time as you lean in, pressing your lips to his. 
Carmy inhales, breathing you in as he tries to memorize the way you smell, the way you taste, the way your lips feel nestled so perfectly against his. He pulls away just for a moment, intent on telling you something. 
“You do, by the way,” Carmy says, his declaration soft but sure. “Have my heart, I mean.”
“I know, babe,” you reply, with a smile. “I know.”
—-------------------------------------
a/n: if you've been wondering where i've been, i've been here! just living a whole lot of life offline these days. would anyone be interested in reading my thoughts on life? anyways, i feel like a hiatus was good for me, and now i have all this life i've lived that's inspired me to write again. i've been channeling a lot of my creative energy into other projects which has felt great and it also feels really good to be back.
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mistydeyes · 8 months
Note
smth abt your recent 141 post gave me a thought.
somebody need to get these boys into a club, flashing lights, music and dancing, fun drinks and flashy y2k reader who’s lowkey an absolute party animal?? or an ex party animal, teehee anyways,,
imagine how fun it’d be dragging johnny onto the dance floor, drunkenly screaming that “this is my FAVORITE song!!”
i just see fics of them at bars and i just need to see them up in a club😫😫
thank you so much for requesting! i LOVE drunken club energy so much (something about going to a club and drinking a weak rum and coke on a thirsty thursday really does it for me). this totally fit the vibe of a previous request so please enjoy a little cameo of the best 2000s aesthetic character, Storm!
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summary: The 141 decides to allow you to pick the place for some drinks while on leave. You take the opportunity to get absolutely hammered and sing your heart out to some 2000s hits.
pairing: Taskforce 141 x reader (codename: Storm)
warnings: swearing
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"I thought they said we were going for drinks," Gaz shouted to Ghost over the loud 2000s dance music that blared on the dance floor. Gaz had found his way back to Price and Ghost after you had dragged him to the beats of Low by Flo Rida. After the chorus, you and your low-rise jeans and Harley Davis tiny top had disappeared with Soap in hand. He figured you would emerge eventually as he took a large gulp of his beer that appeared to be hot pink underneath the neon lights. "I am never letting Storm pick again," Ghost said and Gaz strained to hear him. But by the look of how drunk he was getting over the sugary drinks, it was clear Ghost was trying to make the most out of the experience.
"Here they come," Price yelled, almost as if he was delivering a warning, as you emerged from the crowd. Sweat coated your face and perfectly complicated the loose glitter from your makeup and the mingling crowd. Soap followed close behind, somehow losing his shirt after the three-minute song. "What happened out there?" Simon couldn't help but ask as you and Soap chugged the remainder of your dirty shirleys. "Met some Scousers," Soap breathlessly answered, "shirt went with 'em." The group laughed loudly as Soap fanned his sweating torso. "How'd you find this place, Storm?" Gaz asked, leaning forward closer to the group. "Went here a lot in sixth form and the summer before enlisting," you answered. You remembered the long nights and the hoarse voices you left with. You also remembered the paracetamol and glass of water affectionately left on your bedside table.
You continued to exchange wild stories about your drunken adventures including the time you threw up in someone's designer Juicy Couture bag. "And you still party like a teenager," Price couldn't help but tease as you threw your head back in laughter. "Don't see you complaining about all the compliments you've been getting, Captain," you quipped back. Almost on schedule, a young woman passed by the Captain and sent an air kiss his way with her glossed lips. You held your drink in the air and shared a toast with the group as you celebrated the woman's flirtations. Before Price could respond back, you could hear the beginning of your favorite early 2000s hits.
You jumped up, sloshing the drinks on the small metallic table. "Oh my god," you screamed, "this is my favorite song!" Unfortunately for Price and Soap, they were the nearest to you and your hands immediately began tugging them to the dance floor. Your sneakers squeaked against the floor as Soap relented but Price remained firmly in place. "I'm too old for this," Price said as he shook his head in dismay. "Whatever," you rolled your eyes, letting him fall back onto the plush couch, "but the next time there's a Britney song, I better see your boonie hat on the floor."
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badingsm · 8 months
Text
Warnings: Too much fluff, suggestive contents, cursing, and Aunt Yelena!
To those who requested, here you go! 😗
Note: I needed some help from AI for the description of the house because I suck with describing things, otherwise, the rest is all mine.
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"Baby, I'm home!"
"In the kitchen!" You informed Natasha, your wife, who had just gotten home from the tower after she submitted her post-mission reports.
Currently, you're tending to your hunger in the kitchen, munching on the delivered chicken wings, lasagna, donuts, and ice cream that you've bought online.
"Hi," Natasha's head poked from the doorway, looking through the variety of foods that you've got all to yourself, smiling amusingly at you, "You hungry, moya lyubov?"
"Don't be homophobic, I'm starving." You frowned, hating the interruption but loving the way her lips had collided into your skin, missing her already even though she had just left a couple of hours ago. "Is Willow still sleeping?"
"Mhm," She smirked while wiggling her brows suggestively as she traced her heated palms around your shoulder, "You know, I've been missing you a lot lately because you always have to tend our Willow."
You raised your brow at her, rolling your eyes. "She's eight months old and in need of some caring hands to guide her."
"Oh, baby," Natasha tutted, "I need some caring hands too, you know...while our daughter is still not in need of yours."
You pursed your lips at that, silently looking back and forth between your wife, who's made you feel really hot, and your food, the one that you can't stop thinking about since last night. Seriously torn between the two.
"Would you let me eat my ice cream on your abs?" You looked up at her with doe eyes, defeatedly sighing, making her chuckle lowly as she looked at you with lustful ones.
"Deal."
There was a quick exchange of sloppy kisses, and the next thing you knew, you were both locked up in your shared room with soundproofed walls, seeing white.
-
Two months later..
"Love, wakey wakey," Natasha mumbled in your ear, shaking your sleeping form gently.
"Piss off!" You groaned, turning away from her, which made her chuckle, kissing the exposed skin on your neck. "Natalia, I'm telling you, if I don't get my sleep, I will make sure that you don't get to see your daughter ever and-"
You didn't get to finish your sentence because soon, your body voluntarily stood up on its own, making your way quickly into the bathroom when something went up into your throat.
Natasha was quick enough to rush to your side, helping you while she rubbed your back comfortingly. "You okay?"
"I'm puking my guts out, and you're still asking me that?" You scoffed at her sarcastically in mid-session.
"Okay, sorry, I was just asking." Natasha frowned at the attitude but decided to ignore it instead. "Why are you throwing up anyway? Did you eat all the cookies again?"
"Hey, it's Wanda's cookies!" You protested, cleaning yourself because you felt icky after flushing the toilet bowl. "Her cookies are special. I don't know why; maybe she's putting her magic on them, but they're really yummy, so don't blame it on me. Blame Wanda."
"Mhm, whatever you say," Natasha uttered unconvincingly, causing you to pout at her through the mirror as you brushed your teeth. "I'm thinking about visiting the compound with Willow later; would you like to come?"
"Why?"
"Her aunts and uncles are bugging me." She pursed her lips while brushing her teeth beside you also. "They said that I've kept her all to myself, and they want to see her."
It's true, though.
You were staying in some hidden land in Ohio, where only Natasha and you had access. You both have asked Wanda to make your house invisible in the eyes of the others in order for you to be safe, which she easily agreed to.
Your home is the perfect combination of aesthetics, simplicity, and elegance, making it the ideal paradise for a family. Its façade exudes timeless charm with its deep color palette and graceful architectural lines. As you enter, an open-plan living space greets you, characterized by a clean, streamlined design and plenty of natural light streaming in through the large windows. The fully equipped kitchen, decorated with sleek cabinets and modern appliances, seamlessly connects to the cozy dining area, making it the center of family gatherings. Upstairs, you'll discover quiet and spacious bedrooms, including the master suite, a peaceful hideaway with an en-suite bathroom and dressing room. The meticulously landscaped backyard provides a peaceful outdoor oasis for relaxation and play, completing this elegant yet unpretentious family residence.
In addition to that, you've stopped taking missions, wanting to focus solely on your daughter and family. For now, at least.
So..
You smiled, longing for your friends while being a mother. Wanting to talk about your journey of motherhood with Natasha and Willow with your friends would surely make your day.
"Sure, let's go and make some trouble on Tony's property!"
-
"She's grown so much!" Kate gushed while Yelena held your guys' daughter tightly in her chest. The blonde melted at the sight of her niece clinging onto her (not that she'll ever admit that), like they had already made some connection after seeing and clinging to each other for ten minutes. "She's so cute. I want to have one-"
"What?!" Yelena widened her eyes, slightly raising her voice in shock, causing Willow to pout at her with wide orbs, thinking that her aunt was yelling at her. She saw the tears gathering in the corner of your daughter's eyes, causing her to panic and feel guilty at the same time she comforted her, "Oh, no, no, no, no—I'm sorry, it's not you. It's Kate Bishop, I promise!"
"Do you keep saying my full name just to point out that you know it?"™ Kate sighed, making faces at Willow to make her laugh.
"Yes," Yelena proudly stated, "I know a lot about you. Mother, Eleanor. Arrested for-"
"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Kate quickly mumbled, stopping Yelena from discussing her family history in front of you. "Can I hold her now? You've been holding her for so long already."
Yelena glared at her, "No."
"Come on! Let's take turns."
"Um, excuse me," You interrupted them both. "My daughter's not a toy; I just want to remind you guys, you know, in case you forgot, that's all."
"I'm still mad at you," The blonde told you pointedly, her attention shifting into you. "You should've told me, so I gave my sestra some shovel talk."
"Yeah," You cringed, looking at Natasha, who was laughing quietly at your side, "Let's not do that. Not really cool, dude."
You bid your goodbyes after that, leaving Natasha with Yelena, Kate, and the others, letting them meet and bond with your daughter, chuckling lowly as you heard Natasha in your earshot while you find your way to the medbay, where you're sure Bruce and Tony were.
"Shovel talk? Really?"
-
"Good afternoon, gentlemen!" You greeted loudly, not bothering to knock as you entered the lab. Bruce jumped slightly from his seat while Tony had just looked up from his sciencey tech to blink at you before turning his attention back to the equipment, causing you to frown and say, "Hey, didn't you miss me?"
"No." Tony stuck his tongue out at you childishly, making you gasp in offense. "See? We bond over our ego and pride. I told you before, you should've just married me instead of Red."
"Okay, first of all, I'll tell Pepper that you said that." You smirked teasingly when he widened his eyes in panic. "And secondly, dude, that's fucking disgusting, so fuck you. Lastly, fuck you very much because I feel disgusting now."
"Hey, Y/n," Bruce gently cut in his greeting, "How are you?"
"I'm fine." You shrugged. "We've brought Willow along, though."
"Really?" Tony looked up at you with interest. You nodded as an answer, causing him to sprint off the room, shouting, "You should've started with that!"
Now that you're finally alone, you've turned to Bruce.
"Thank god the nosy is finally gone!" You breathed out lowly, resulting in some manly chuckles from him. You laughed with him for quite a while before turning serious and mumbling.
"Bruce, we have a mission."
-
"Hey, baby," Natasha mumbled from your side. You're all gathered in the dining area in the compound, having some dinner together, courtesy of Tony's credit card. "Where have you been a while ago?"
"Bruce," You replied shortly with a shrug, munching onto your fries and dipping them in the ice cream that you'd specifically asked for yourself.
"Why?"
"Too many questions, Natalia." You pursed your lips, looking over Thor, who's playing with Willow to keep her attention away from you. "Hey, Thunder, show her some tricks!"
"Absolutely not!" Natasha reprimanded quickly, turning her attention to the team with full authority. "No tricks, no weapons, no fighting, or anything around my daughter, understood?"
"Copy." All of them replied with an eye roll, causing the former assassin to glare at them in warning.
"Hey, Romanoff, you've got a cake here!" Sam called Natasha from the doorway, having just gotten home from his mission in Nebraska. He dropped the sealed cake in front of your wife, making the redhead frown.
"I didn't order anything," Natasha mumbled cautiously. She was being extremely careful when she opened it; her trained senses and alert mode were all turned on, not wanting to put anyone in harm's way just in case there was a bomb inside the box.
"Couldn't you be any slower?" Yelena groaned impatiently from her chair.
Natasha gazed at her with furrowed brows and scolded, "Shut up!"
"You're such a mom!"™
"It's because I... am..." Natasha's sentence had died down in her tongue when she finally opened the box. It was your guys' favorite cake from the store down the block. She blinked owlishly at the dedication written on the cake, trying to make sure that she wasn't hallucinating in any way. The redhead read it out loud again, still not wanting to believe it.
Hi, Mama! We'll see you in March!
"What does this mean?" Natasha gazed at you, already tearing up. "We'll? Meaning.."
You nodded eagerly, sobbing uncontrollably, "We're having twins, you sharpshooter!"
"Oh, my god! This is amazing, baby!" Natasha lunged at you with kisses, not caring about the teasing whistles that she got from the team. "Thank you! I'm so happy, moya lyubov!"
You chuckled at her, kissing her passionately while she returned the sentiment with the same intensity, only breaking apart when you heard Yelena shouting about something that had you gasping with a horrified look when she began running away with your daughter.
"Fuck yes! Willow's mine now!"
443 notes · View notes
auteurdelabre · 28 days
Text
A Little Sun part 6 Dieter!Bravo x f!Reader
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rating: 18+ words: 8.4k pairings: Dieter x f!Reader
tags: pregnancy, details of body changing with pregnancy, insecurity, mention of family death, mutual pining, idiots in love, soft dieter, fluff, lurve, angst, miscommunication trope, female masturbation, male masturbation, dirty talk (thoughts). summary: You move in with Dieter after the fight with your mom and things get... complicated. a/n: Y'all this thing has turned into such a fuckin' beast. Remember when I wanted it to be a one shot? Anyway, we're nearing the end with these two idiots in love but I think this one ends pretty damn sweet.
Also I think I'm in love with Dieter Bravo?
SERIES MASTERLIST
REBLOGS, COMMENTS, ENGAGEMENT ARE WHAT KEEP US FIC WRITERS GOING. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT IF YOU ENJOYED THIS.
Dieter doesn't even let you step fully into his home before he's got you in his arms, wrapping you in his warm embrace. Your suitcases clatter to the floor as you cling to him, burying your face in his neck and fighting back tears. 
"You can stay as long as you want," Dieter promises you as one hand cups the back of your head. "Stay forever."
You give a watery chuckle into his shoulder, not quite ready to let go of him. You only break apart when the smell of European cigarettes wafts into the room. 
You swipe at your damp eyes while Dieter turns to greet the tiny woman with a shock of white curls. She wears an oversized green t-shirt and loose khaki pants. She shuffles from place to place in her oversized moccasins. 
"You remember Magda, right?"
"I think we've met a few times," you say extending your hand. The old woman gives you a look before shuffling over and placing her hand on your belly. You're in too much shock to pull back. 
"A healthy boy," she tells you through a thick Eastern European accent. You and Dieter exchange looks of surprise. 
"Uh yeah," you peer down at her shriveled frame, "How did you know that it was a boy?"
"I can tell."
She says it with a sage nod and then with that revelation she shuffles off to the kitchen, the feather duster still firmly lodged under her bony arm. 
"She's the best," Dieter says says fondly before turning back to you with a look of expectancy. "Lemme show you where you're staying."
He takes both of your suitcase handles and jerks head to the left indicating you should follow. 
You follow him out into his garden beside the pool. A place that you've never really visited much before. Most of your business has been conducted inside in his kitchen or in his office. You've heard about his guest house, how he had so many decorators come in over the years. 
When you enter into it now, you're surprised at just how normal it seems. You were waiting for whips and chains and other strange memorabilia to line the walls. But instead it looks like something out of a Martha Stewart magazine. Crisp White's and Blue wainscotting. Overstuffed chairs and couches surround the coffee table from the photo he sent you. It's strangely tasteful. 
It doesn't suit him at all. 
Dieter must notice your surprise because he smirks before he rolls your suitcases towards the kitchen bar.  
"Remember that Danish woman I dated for a couple months right after you started working for me?"
"Yeah, Lyda something.'
"Right. She wanted to start a career as an interior designer. I let her run the show in this place. Not really my taste."
"Not really mine either," You admit looking around the space. "It is beautifully done but I prefer the place we stayed in Ireland, like, that aesthetic. Old wood and big windows."
"I like that too," Dieter agrees. He sees you yawn and immediately feels guilty for keeping You up after such an emotional day.
"I'm going to have Petra whip you up something for dinner."
Petra is Dieter's chef who stocks his fridge with high end 
"Dieter you don't-"
"You gotta take care of you and little Bravo remember?" 
Dieter feels something in his chest bloom when instead of rolling your eyes you smile at him, nodding. 
"Thanks Dieter."
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You wake up the next morning in the plush duvet with your arms stretched above your head before rolling an absent hand down your swollen belly. 
"Morning little boy," you whisper to the tiny being there beneath your fingertips. You give a groan as you gently roll yourself off the bed sliding into your slippers and pulling on your robe. Despite your devastation of what happened with your mother, waking up in this beautiful space on this gorgeously sunny day has you feeling hopeful.
This feeling is dampened slightly when you glance at your phone, looking to the calendar and seeing a date in the coming week starred. A date you have been dreading for months. Your birthday. The first one of yours since your father passed. Without your mom around this seems especially painful to consider. You close your phone, not wanting to think about it.
You spot a tall figure out the window and feel your cheeks flush. Something has shifted since Ireland. Something that terrifies you. The whisper of feelings that you're having a hard time repressing when you think of how he supports you. 
But you push it from your mind. Your worlds don't match up.  You’re serious, you take life seriously, you want to dedicate yourself to science. Dieter wants to fuck and party and grab life by the balls.
Plus he's with Mia and she makes him happy. 
Dieter saunters across the backyard, narrowly missing the pool as he heads to the guest house. He's wearing an old t-shirt and sweatpants under tattered robe, his eyes hidden behind his sunshades. He's carrying a tumbler of whiskey in one hand and a smoothie in the other.  
"Dieter it’s ten in the morning," you say as you open the sliding door to greet him. 
"I'm still on Ireland time," he says giving you a waggle of his brows before setting the pale
pink smoothie down on the kitchen counter. "Breakfast when you're ready for it." 
He sees you eyeing the smoothie warily and gives a deep rumbling chuckle. 
"Petra made this one so you're safe. You like strawberries right?"
You take a tentative sip, before giving a soft moan of approval and drinking down the rest. 
He rocks back on his heels a moment and despite the dark of his glasses, you can feel his gaze lingering on you. 
"So... What're you up to today, Bravo?"
"You mean you don't know?"
"I'm officially no longer part of team Bravo remember?" You remind him with a sad chuckle as you place the empty glass back on the counter. "Diane cut my access to work emails and calendars." 
"Shit that's right, I forgot." He looks at you with such a guilty expression. "I'm sorry."
"S'okay. I'm looking at this like a real non working vacation," you tell him honestly pointing out the window. "I figure you have a pool, there's a chef, a housekeeper, I brought books, what more could I ask for?"
"Plus you have a recreation staff," Dieter grins, taking you by the hand and twirling you gently towards him. "Dance lessons by the pool, movie nights, anything the customer wants."
"Hmmm an end to global warming?"
"Sorry that's only with the premium package."
You let out a loud laugh as Dieter joins you, spinning you into a hug. His mouth is only inches from yours and when the two of you realize this your mutual laughter ebbs. 
Dieter wants nothing more than to press his mouth to yours, to taste you, to fuck you here in his home. But he knows it's not what you want. You don't want that from Dieter. You want somewhere safe to stay and he'll provide that to you.
Besides there is someone who does want his affection, his touch: Mia. 
You swallow, your body poised and mouth slowly tilting towards Dieter before he seems to realize himself. He slowly extricates his arms from around you before reaching into his robe pocket, clearing his throat. 
"Here's the key," Dieter tells you, holding it out to you. You take it, looking at the tiny Jameson keychain on it. The one that matches the one Dieter got you in Ireland that you wear on your own keychain. You smile at the sight of it before looking puzzled.
"A key?"
"For the guest house."
"I don't need to lock it," you chide even as you take it from him and toss it into your purse. "It's just you and me here right?"
"Yeah," Dieter hides the broad of his grin behind his whiskey glass. "Just you and me."
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For the next several days Dieter tries to give you as much space as possible. He brings you a smoothie every morning citing that Magda is too busy. In the evenings he texts you to invite you over to the big house for dinner. Sometimes you join him, sometimes you’re just too tired.
You always go back to the guest house feeling a little bit down. You didn’t realize you missed sleeping in the same house, how Ireland made it almost feel like living together. Dieter’s place is so large it’s like you’re in separate neighborhoods.
Dinners are starting to be hard as well. Knowing you’ll be leaving to go back to the empty guest room. It’s a luxury, that’s for certain with its tall ceilings and plush bed. But it feels quiet without Dieter’s music or loud laughter.
And so you can admit to yourself that every morning he comes by with the pink smoothie and a big grin, your heart leaps a little bit. Like now, seeing him rushing over more frenzied than usual. He smiles, pushing the drink into your hand hurriedly.  
“Here. Drink fast, I finished the nursery and want you to come look.”
“When did you have time to do the nursery?” You ask amazed as you follow him to the main house, smoothie almost drained by the time you reach his place. 
“I’ve been in touch with this guy Diora from Albania over email since Ireland. He’s all the rage, super hard to get but he was really excited about trying his hand at a nursery. He just finished Criss Angel’s man cave and James Franco’s bedroom.”
Dieter sweeps a hand to the middle of your back, guiding you down the hall. When he opens the door with a flourish it takes everything in you not to gasp in horror. Your hand still rises to your mouth, though when you step into the room.
It looks like a sex dungeon.
Black and white striped walls, a beautifully ornate crib painted a ghastly red. 
"Contrasting colors are good for baby’s retinas," Dieter says confidently. "I read it somewhere."
It takes you a few moments of staring at everything before you can speak.
"You have whips hung on the walls."
"Those are vintage skipping ropes," Dieter tells you aghast at your misunderstanding. You turn slowly, taking everything in. Finally you shake your head slowly.  
"Dieter, this is totally inappropriate for a nursery," you say. "What baby would be happy here?" 
Dieter takes a moment to glance around the space, his previous elation dimming with every word from you. 
"This is what Diora suggested. He's the hottest designer right now."
"Of millionaire bachelor pads," you say as you look at a particularly ugly piece of metal hanging from the ceiling. "Not for a baby’s room."
"I'm not gonna have some tacky nursery with stuffed bears and shit,” Dieter defends. “I can't do it. Anyone who comes over and sees that'll think I've lost my edge."
The thought of being a father is immensely appealing to Dieter. The thought of being a loser Dad is not.
“Mia said it was cool,” Dieter shoots out. “I sent her photos.”
Mia is also in her early twenties, you want to snap. But you hold your tongue, trying to see the upsides to this nursery. Unfortunately you can see none. Everything is a safety hazard.
Dieter paces around the room, suddenly sour at the whole thing. He thought you’d be excited to see where the baby will be. Instead you’ve come in with your judgments and frowning face.
"Please let me... Dieter let me help you with this," you almost beg. "I just.... I know he's not mine but I can't stand the thought of him being in this... Baby prison."
I know he's not mine. 
This hurts Dieter to hear it. He knows that you face no interest in being in this baby's life or his the week after you've given birth. But he can admit he's fooled himself with you being here.
But this? This is a project the two of you can work on. A potential to have more reason to have you in the house, not in that fucking guest house. He can only think of so many reasons to knock on your door apart from smoothies. 
"Okay, sure."
“Okay,” you say looking relieved. “How about a pale blue or green? Then we can get a nice crib and some rugs and gauzy curtains.”
“That’s so boring.”
“And safe,” you emphasize. “You have to think of his safety, Dieter.”
Dieter pouts slightly in thought, trying to see the nursery through your eyes. He has to concede that perhaps this is a bit much for a newborn.
"Actually, you know what would look really beautiful on this far wall here?" You muse, looking at the space. "That painting you bought me for my birthday."
You think of the artwork hanging in your bedroom. The one of the woman looking out over the ocean, her hair whipping in the sea air. It’s the one thing you didn’t bring from home that you regret. There was something about that painting that made you feel relaxed.
"I didn't buy you that," Dieter says with a furrowed brow. 
Your stomach sinks at this admission from Dieter and you wish you could take back everything. The intimacy of the moment, the vulnerability. He never even fucking bought the thing himself. Diane probably did and here you are pouring your heart out about it. 
"Oh, uh-Or Diane or whoever-"
"I painted it for you."
All the animosity that had been brewing behind your sternum drains from you. A smile blooms immediately, your body tingling as you roll onto your side to fully face him. 
"You did?"
"Yeah," Dieter is smirking at you from the shadows. "I love painting. You think I'd buy you a fucking painting?"
“I think I just assumed that you got Diane or whoever to ship it to me." 
"Maybe if you were someone else," Dieter muses, his gaze wandering around the nursery. "Someone who doesn't do everything for me." He falls silent a moment. "You really thought I bought it?"
"Yeah."
"Didn't you think it was weird that the girl in the painting was you?"
Now you're stunned and it must show on your face because Dieter is chuckling softly now. 
"You've had it hanging up your room for how long? Did you even look at it?"
"Of course I did, I do," you say in a rush, feeling embarrassed. You look at it every night you’re in your bedroom. "I just ... I never thought..."
"What?"
"I never thought you saw me."
Dieter blinks back at you, his dark eyes searching your face. 
"I just mean you never even said thank you before this whole baby thing," you explain. "I've worked for you for a while and you kinda just expected I'd be at your beck and call all hours of the day and night, even on my days off."
"I'm sorry," Dieter whispers. "That was shitty of me."
"Why do you do it? 
“I went through so many assistants I just assumed you wouldn’t be sticking around long.” Dieter looks ashamed as he says it out loud.  “But then the longer you stayed the more I depended on you. I think… After a while I think it just felt weird to not message you.”
You both lapse into a thoughtful silence.
“You’ll manage just fine without me when I leave,” you tell him, needing him to know. “And if you’re ever feeling really lost and like you just need to talk to someone, you can always call me. Not as an employee, but as a friend.”
“Really? We’re friends?”
“Yeah,” you nod, heart hammering. “Friends.”
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Dieter wakes up hard every morning for the next two weeks. He doesn't try to; he actively tries to think of other things before he goes to sleep. He watches documentaries, he reads art books, he meditates. He tries to push you from his thoughts so he can wake up normal. 
But he always wakes up aching with the head of his cock weeping, flickering remnants of his dreams still floating around his subconscious. And those dreams are always of you.
Today he wakes up with the memory of his dream still lingering. You on your knees, his cock in your mouth and your eyes heavy lidded. As he shifts in bed Dieter realizes his boxers are sticky with previous release. A fucking nocturnal emission? How old is he?
And what's worse is that he's still fucking hard. Throbbing, actually He groans low in his throat and tries to ignore it.
You're here at his home. You're practically living with him. You're only a few steps from his back door. You're so close and yet so frustratingly far from him. He misses being in the same home as you, like the rental in Ireland. He misses the feeling of coming home after a long day on set and seeing your sweet face on the couch.
He wants that again. 
Dieter rolls onto his belly to try and squash his current erection against the mattress. But that doesn't help, it just gives a delicious friction. He shifts again experimentally, groaning at the shiver that travels from the base of his spine to the tip. In his sleepy arousal he imagines that it's not the mattress but you that he's fucking. 
"You like that?" Dieter murmurs, eyes closed as he rocks against his bed. "Like feeling me like that, baby?"
He pushes his hips into the bed, starting to rut when the pleasure increases.
You're so big, Dieter. 
And suddenly he's thrusting against it, picturing your body writhing under him. 
Need it, Dieter. Fuck me harder. 
"Yes," Dieter groans into his pillow, his hands gripping the edge of the mattress. He thrusts furiously into the soft fabric of the bed, hips bouncing up and down on the mattress. 
Need your big cock, daddy, your dream self moans. Need it deep. 
"Fuck yes, baby. Take Daddy's cock. Take it and-"
His phone chirrups loudly on the table next to him, breaking him from the immersive fantasy. 
A name and photo flash up on the screen. 
Mia. 
Immediately he feels guilty. Here he is humping his mattress to thoughts of you as his gorgeous, talented, funny, sexy girlfriend is calling. 
He breathes rapidly through his nose, slowing his grinding movements. He rolls over in the bed, reaching for the phone. 
"Hey babe," Dieter says, panting as he answers. He flips onto his back, willing his cock to go down. 
"You okay? You sound like you've been exercising and I know that can't be true."
Dieter barks a laugh at that. He's about to reply when he hears a splash outside his window. Mia starts chatting in his ear but he's completely taken with the view outside his window. 
You're in a bikini, gliding through the clear water of his pool. Dieter feels his mouth run dry at the sight, especially when you roll over onto your back, your belly protruding from the water like a beacon. Your hair dances around your head, your eyes closed, face tilted towards the sun. You have the sweetest little smile on your face. 
You're so fucking beautiful. 
"Dee? You there?"
"Huh? Yeah, sorry babe what?"
"I wanted to know how you're getting on? I've been staying off socials for the last little bit of the shoot trying to stay focused. I finally saw the photos from the airport. How is the poor thing holding up?"
"Stressed, but better."
"She must be happy to be at home away from all that madness."
Dieter feels his stomach clench. He knows he has to be honest with Mia, she's his girlfriend, she deserves to know. And yet he hesitates because he knows how it sounds. 
"She's staying in my guest house, actually," Dieter offers in what he hopes is a nonchalant voice. 
The warmth from Mia's voice is immediately gone. 
"Pardon me?" 
"She's, uh, in my guest house for the time being," Dieter adds, closing his eyes and bracing himself. 
Mia shuffles on the other end before her voice reaches out to him confused. 
"I thought you wanted a relationship with me, Dieter. Otherwise why did your agent go to so much trouble to confirm it? To do a splashy roll-out?"
"I do want it."
"But you have the employee you got pregnant living with you?"
"Not with me. In the guest house." 
"This is weird, Dee." 
He hears the concern in her voice and he feels his stomach drop. He doesn't want to lose Mia. 
"Her mom kicked her out," Dieter explains quickly. "What was I supposed to do?"
"Pay for a hotel?"
The answer is so clear, so obvious. Why didn't he offer a hotel? He has the money. Why had it been so important for him to have you here? 
Because then he could see you every day.
The answer is immediate but he won't admit it. Not now. 
"The paps have been relentless," Dieter says finally. "They'll camp out outside of wherever I put her up. Not like here where I know she's safe away from the public eye."
"But-"
"She's not like us, Mia," Dieter insists. "She doesn't want fame and all that shit. She's just a regular person who's pregnant and alone. Her mom kicked her out, she's got no one else."
He can almost hear Mia softening over the phone. 
"It's just hard, Dee," she says finally. "Especially when I haven't seen you in weeks."
Dieter feels a flutter of panic at how sad she sounds. He wants to make it up to her and has a great idea of how. 
"Prague!" 
Dieter bursts out with this, wincing when he hears how loud he is. 
"Sorry, what?" 
"What do you think about Prague?" Dieter corrects himself, rubbing nervously at his beard. "You're flying to LA next week for our magazine spread, right?"
"Yeah."
"And you've always wanted to go to Prague, right?"
"Yes."
"So let's do it. After the shoot let's get away from everyone and everything for a few weeks just us two."
"You'd really want to do that?"
"Of course." 
He hears Mia weighing the choice on the other end of the line. He holds his breath until he can almost hear her smile.  
"Okay Dee, let's do it."
“Amazing,” Dieter says grinning. “I’ll get Diane to send you the details. See you next week.”
He hangs up quickly, undressing and pulling on his swim trunks.
You’re floating on your back, sunglasses on your face, your body most submerged in the cool water. You hear the sound of a door opening and crack one eye open to see Dieter approaching.
Dieter never uses his pool. He got the house on a whim and didn’t even notice it had a pool until he officially moved in. But right now seeing your tits overflowing out of your bikini cups has him so utterly thankful to his former self.
He shrugs off his robe, sliding into the chilly water with an exaggerated brrrr. He swims over to you, sunglasses perched on the end of his nose.
“Looked so refreshing I had to join.”
“It’s so nice,” you sigh, your arms and legs out as you soak up the sun and enjoy the lack of strain on your lower back. “I never want to get out.”
Dieter paddles near you for a moment, wanting to remember this moment before he recalls his conversation with Mia.
“Well you’ll have the place to yourself the next couple of weeks.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, Mia and I are going to Prague like you suggested.”
“That’s so great," you say with a tightness in your voice. “When do you leave?”
“Next Thursday.”
Next Thursday.
Dieter stars to drone on about how Mia has all these restaurants and museums she wants to go to but all you can think of is that you’ll be alone on your birthday. The first one since your father passed. No mother to turn to. Nothing. You’ll be completely alone.
A sudden flutter begins in your abdomen and you give an absent smile, hand slowly sliding over your stomach.
Well, not completely alone.
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From where you stand in your guest house kitchen you can see into the main house. Specifically into the dining room. At night when the landscape is dark and the lights are on inside you can see it very clearly.
Like tonight.
You can see him pacing inside the house, his tall frame gesticulating wildly. He's obviously going over some lines. He asked you to have dinner and run through them but you’d texted back some feeble excuse.
The truth is you need to separate yourself as much as possible from Dieter because you’re convinced that what you’re starting to feel can’t be explained away by hormones. This desire to be with him.
But he’s leaving with Mia in a few short days on some whirlwind romantic escape. You even showed him the best way to pack his fucking suitcase! The sight of a box of condoms at the bottom of it hidden by the toiletries bag made your throat tighten.
Despite this your eyes sail over to Dieter’s house again, watching him make a note on his script before running through the lines. He looks so sexy when he does it, totally lost in the moment. It reminds you of the character he played in Ireland.
Fuck, that insatiable need is coursing through your body again. The hormones kicking into overdrive as you feel your thighs press together at the memory of Dieter and that regency costume. He looked so good in it. You can almost hear his husky voice in your ear. 
It's okay if you want it, baby. Lemme give it to you. 
You throw yourself into your plush bed, your hands sliding down under your panties and working frantically against your straining clit. 
Uh huh. Just like that. Gotta come on my fingers before you get this cock. 
You throw your head back, thighs squeezing as you rut against your fingers. This phantom Dieter plays in your mind, his husky voice full of dark, delicious promise. 
Gonna fuck such pretty sounds out of you. 
"Dieter," you groan, unable to help yourself. It's pathetic how quickly and easily your orgasm overtakes you. It leaves you shuddering and whimpering, rutting into your fingers and then finally collapsing back as you stare at the ceiling.
What the fuck are you doing?
Despite everything Dieter is still your boss in some ways. He’s still the man paying you to have a child. Yes, he’s sort of a friend, but at the end of the day he still holds some authority over you. 
You wish that last thought didn’t turn you on so much.
You’re still groaning when you hear the light tap of knuckles on glass and you jerk up in your bed, face flushed.
You wipe your damp hand on the sheets before slowly stumbling out of the bedroom. Dieter is standing there at the glass door, giving you a stiff wave. You move quickly, tugging the door open. The sound of cicadas and LA night traffic punctuate the formerly peaceful space.
“Is everything okay?”
“I’m really sorry to come over here so late but Magda just told me when she was cleaning this place this afternoon she saw a roach.”
“What?”
Immediately you’re moving towards him, glancing behind you in disgust. Your eyes sweep the floor and counters for any trace. Strange, you haven’t noticed anything and this place is kept perfectly clean.
“Yeah,” Dieter nods, looking tense. “So I gotta get this place fumigated ASAP.”
“Of course.”
“But the fumes are bad for the baby so you’ll have to move your stuff into the main house until it’s finished.”
“For how long do you think?”
“Dunno,” Dieter shrugs, motioning to the room airily. “I was gonna call a guy in the morning to get some quotes. Might be a couple weeks before they can get someone out here.”
A couple weeks? Dieter has enough money to have the place fumigated tonight if he really wanted to. You gaze up at Dieter about to say as such when you see the searching nature of his eyes and suddenly the shoe drops.
There’s no roach.
You note the tense way he rubs his fingers together, the way his brows rise and eyes go owlish the longer you stare at him.
“I’m terrified of roaches,” you finally tell him as you start to throw your stuff into your suitcases. “Can I move my stuff in tonight?”
“Would be the safest,” Dieter nods exaggeratedly helping you to pack. It takes no time at all before he’s helping you carry the suitcases across the yard and into his home.
The guest room is just as nice as the guest house with tall ceilings but slightly less homey. Dieter prefers marble floors and gold accents. Things he was taught as a child meant rich. The bed is lovely, but minimalist. You are however very impressed with the large bathtub and even bigger rain forest shower.  You put your suitcases to the side, feeling Dieter watch you from the doorway.
“It’s still early you wanna watch a doc or something?”
You bite back the delighted smile that threatens to bleed over your features before you turn to face him.
“Sure.”
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“Okay, you got your passport, the tickets are on your phone, your bags are packed,” the young man’s reedy voice lists off things from his checklist as the three of you stand in the kitchen the following week. Dieter is sitting on one of the stools dressed nicely and looking nervously from the paper to you, completely ignoring Rupert.
“Maybe I shouldn’t go.”
“Dieter.”
“What if you go into labor?”
“Almost three months early?” you force a laugh from where you stand by the fridge. “Then we have bigger issues than you not being here. Now c’mon. Mia’ll be here any second.”
Today is the photo spread for the movie Mia and Dieter starred in. It’ll run late so the lovebirds have decided on spending the night in a fancy hotel before shuttling off to Prague the next day. Dieter is always nervous about trips away but he realizes this is especially daunting since he’ll have no PA with him.
Diane has sent him someone new over during the week. A young man with bloodshot eyes and a nervous countenance named Robert or Roger. Dieter can’t remember. All he knows is that the kid does his job decently but he isn’t you.
But he promised himself that he would plan this trip for he and Mia. He researched the restaurants and hotels with her and booked it all. He got them the best seats in the plane and the nicest suite in the hotel.
But all he can think is that he’s going to be away from you for two weeks. Away from his son nestled safely in your body.  
“I made a new tape for him,” Dieter says, suddenly snapping. He reaches into his pocket and slides the tape towards you. “Make sure he listens.”
“Yes, yes,” you say rolling your eyes.
The doorbell rings and Rupert immediately goes to answer it leaving you and Dieter alone. He watches you peering into the fridge trying to find something to satisfy your current craving of salty vanilla pudding.
“I don’t want to leave you.”
His voice is a quiet hum. Your mouth tries to form the words but all you can think of is Dieters warm eyes, his hands caressing your belly, the sweet timbre of his voice when he reads to you when you can’t sleep. 
“I’m going to be okay,” you promise him softly as you glance over to him. “Now go say hello to your girlfriend.”
Dieter nods resolutely before bolting around the corner to see Mia. You hear his excited greeting and you try not to feel upset. Instead you dig around in the cupboard for something salty. You hear your name being called and you turn to see Dieter and Mia entering the room.
Mia’s eyes go round with shock at seeing you waddle towards her. You give a bright smile, despite the pang that goes through you at the sight of them hand-in-hand.
"Oh wow," Mia says when you waddle into the room holding a bag of chips. 
"Weird right?"
"A little," she laughs. You join in, knowing how strange this entire scenario is. You feel like a baby hippo meanwhile Mia looks like she just stepped off the runway.
“So nice to see you,” she says, giving you an awkward hug as she avoids the bump. “I brought a little something for the baby,” she hands a wrapped gift to Dieter, “and one for you.”
Dieter unwraps the package, bringing out a first edition copy of Winnie the Pooh. Your eyes widen at the sight. That must have cost her a fortune.
“Thanks babe,” Dieter says warmly, kissing her. You look away, unwilling to watch and unwrap your gift from Mia which turns out to be a delicate crystal flower vase. Arguably one of the most useless things on the planet since you hate flowers. Dieter knows this and you think you catch a curl of amusement in his face.
“You didn’t have to do this,” you falter.
“I know,” she says sweetly. “I just saw it and thought of you.”
“It’s beautiful,” you say, careful not to exchange amused looks with Dieter across the room. You shoot a soft smile at Mia. “Thank you so much. I’ll go pop it in my room so it doesn’t get broken. Magda tends to be a little chaotic when she cleans.”
You turn, about to go down the hallway to the bedroom when you feel something like tension in the room. You don't know why you pause but you do.
"I thought you were staying in the guest house?" She asks you but her eyes are scanning Dieter’s face.  
“She was,” Dieter explains, hoping his cheeks aren’t red. “But there were roaches.”
Mia’s face scrunches. “Roaches?”
“Yeah,” you finally fumble, rubbing absently at your stomach. "The guest house needed to be fumigated and that’s not safe for the baby. That’s the only reason I’m in the guest room. I’ll be out in the guest house as soon as the fumigation is over."
Mia nods, but you don't miss the lingering look there in her light eyes.
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With Dieter in Prague for the next few weeks you have a lot of free time to yourself. The only problem is you have no one to spend it with. You can't be seen in public now without a bodyguard save for your short walks through Dieter's Calabasas neighborhood. Phone calls with your mom are no longer an option. So you spend most of your time scrolling through social media, watching movies and swimming.
Dieter has always been annoying but he's the kind of annoying that brings you comfort now. Without his loud presence in the house you start to feel lonely. A strange feeling you've never really experienced due to your busy lifestyle. 
It makes you long for the sound of Dieter's record player in the art room. Makes you long for his brash laughter during a funny commercial. Makes you long for the way your voices worked against one another when practicing lines, the sound of him muttering to himself when he reads something that interests him in the paper, the way he rasps your name when he’s just woken up.  
All the sounds of Dieter that you realize have come to be their own comforting symphony to you. 
But he’s with Mia and that's how it should be. They're on the same level. And you know that these feelings are from your hormones. This warmth will fade the second this child is taken from you and is likely contributing to this lonely feeling that arises with you each empty morning.
He’s only been gone four days but those days seem to stretch into eternity. Your mind is usually so full and your schedule packed. But you’re almost annoyingly free right now. Dieter has made only one request of you and that is to update the app every day at least once. He says it makes him feel less guilty about leaving, even though you're the one who encouraged it.
So you do.
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29 weeks
Cravings
SALT
Vanilla
pie filling
chips
peanuts
Missing
the ability to see my feet
Baby is size of butternut squash
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The only thing that tethers you to Dieter are the sporadic text messages he sends you. Where you once found his constant need to stay in touch annoying, now you crave his random messages, re-reading them with a smile.
[1:44pm] D: I hate not speaking Czech. I feel like everyone is making fun of me and I have no proof. [1:44pm]: You're being paranoid.  [1:44pm] D: I'm not!!! [1:46pm] D: Okay maybe a little. Mia and I did an edible.  [1:46pm]: Dieter! [1:46pm] D: Diane said no hard drugs! Edibles are natural. 
You roll your eyes. 
[1:47pm]: Whatever. Hope you're having fun. 
You wish you could see his face when you recall Mia's instagram. You forgot you follow her. The second you click on her story you wish you hadn't. It's her and Dieter in a gorgeous spot in Prague chatting with the caption: Czech us Out! @BravoitsDieter
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Your loneliness hits you on the fifth day quite acutely. And instead of turning to television or swimming you lay on your back in bed and stare up into the ceiling before your fingers fumble for your phone and you type hurriedly.
[6:08am]: I think he has your hair. [6:12am] D: Huh? What?? Why? [6:12am]: They say if the mother has lots of heartburn then the kid will have lots of hair. Right now I feel like my heart has been dropped in acid.  [6:13am] D: No way. I thought babies were always bald. [6:13am]: Not always. I wasn't. Were you? [6:13am] D: Dunno. Never saw baby photos of myself.  [6:14am]: Why not? [6:14am] D: My mom cared about stuff like that. When she died my dad just put everything in the attic and tried to forget. 
You didn't know that about Dieter. You've heard snatches of information from other staff that Dieters dad is a low life, but to not save photos of your kid? That seems cruel. 
[6:14am]: I'm sorry. [6:15am] D: NP. [6:15am] D: Mia is taking me to a museum so I gtg ttyl
You frown at the phone.
"What a bitch," you murmur before stopping yourself. You think about how your baby can probably hear sounds outside the womb now and you feel guilty.
"No, actually, she's not a bitch. She's really lovely and she's so good for your dad."
Your hands drift over your belly slowly, subconsciously as you speak and soon your eyes follow suit. 
"Strange to think you're just in there all snuggly," you tell your belly with amusement. You gasp when you think you can feel a slight flutter within you abdomen. 
"Is that you?" You wonder aloud. "Can you hear me?" 
The fluttering continues and you feel something in you shift. Your heart squeezes pleasantly.  He rarely moves around for just you. It seems he's most active when Dieter is nearby.
"You're really in there," you laugh to yourself. "And you can hear me."
The lonely feelings begin to dissipate. You're not alone - you have your son to keep you company. You talk to him through the day. You make jokes about bubble having Dieters hair. You talk to Bubble about the book you read on the porch. When you watch a documentary you narrate for the baby. 
You update the app with a cheerful photo of you making a heart over the bellybutton with your fingers. You think Dieter will get a kick out of it. 
When you go to bed you put the headphones over your belly and hit play on the walkman.
"This is a new one from your Dad," you tell your belly wryly as you position the foam on either side of your bump. "So I apologize now if it's fucking annoying."
With a serene smile you go to sleep with his muffled voice against your skin. And when you wake up on the sixth day you feel good. It's not until you look at the calendar that you're reminded of Friday's date.
Your birthday. 
The first one without your father. It makes your stomach drop. 
As if all of California has gotten the memo the day is grey and drizzly. You spend most of the day napping and eating whatever Petra has put together. But by mid afternoon you’re feeling restless. You try walking around the block, but the weather drives you back inside. You try to distract yourself but nothing seems to work.
Petra and Magda have gone home for the day. It’s just you and bubble and right now it feels like it’s just you. You decide to order a pizza for dinner, and as you wait for your Hawaiian Delight to arrive you can’t help but reach out to the one person you wish was here.
[5:48pm]: How is Prague? [5:50pm] D: Boring. [5:50pm]: Only you would say Prague is boring, Dieter. [5:51pm] D: In the airport now. Gonna go to Germany for a couple days. Mia really wants to see Cologne Cathedral and apparently they’re doing some once-in-a-decade tour event thing. I dunno. How’s the bubble? [5:51pm]: Still here.
You don’t know why you’re both still calling him Bubble. The tabloids have made it impossible not to be aware that you’re pregnant after all. But there’s something sweet about referring to him as your little Bubble.
[5:52pm] D: airport is so fucking noisy and I'm so tired. found coffee though.
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[5:52pm]: Make sure not to drink too much. You won’t sleep on the plane. [5:52pm] D: U didn’t update the app today. [5:53pm]: Sorry, been distracted. [5:53pm] D:??? [5:53pm] D: How come?
You have no desire to get into this over text. Besides it’s not Dieters problem, it’s yours. And it’s not a problem it’s just. . . life.
[5:55pm]: Doesn’t matter. Here, this will have to do.
You attach a picture of your hand over your swollen bump and send it over.
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You’re surprised when you see Dieter calling.
“Hello?”
“Why are you distracted?”
“Dieter don’t you have better things to do than call me about this?” You say rolling your eyes, but still delighted to be hearing his raspy voice. “Aren’t you in the airport?”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t Mia with you?”
“She went to get another magazine for the flight. You gonna tell me what’s going on? Is it the Bubble?”
“No,” you say grunting as you lean back against the sofa.  
“Then what is it?”
“It’s nothing. I’m fine!”
“Cmon,” Dieter cajoles. “You know I’m just gonna keep calling and texting until you tell me.”
“Its pregnancy brain,” you throw out, hoping this will satiate him.
“Liar. Your voice always does that clipped thing when you lie.”
You can’t help but feel a small smile cross your features. You hear the distant boarding call for his flight and you decide you might as well tell him. It’s not like he doesn’t already know that your dead is dead.
“It’s just… It’s my birthday. The first one since my dad died and ...."
You trail off. You hear silence on the other end of the phone and then a soft fuck.
“Dieter?”
“I thought it was next month,” Dieter is murmuring and you can hear him tapping on the phone. “Fucking calendar. Fuck. I thought it was next month same day. That’s what I have it as. Fuck. This is why I don’t program my own fucking electronics. Fuck.”
“Nope. Today,” you clarify, amused at how frazzled he sounds. “But it’s not your problem. It’s just this is my first birthday without my Dad and, my Mom isn’t talking to me and I realized I’ve worked so hard so long I have no real friends and…. It’s just…”
You break off when you feel tears starting.
“Anyway, not your problem,” you say forcing your voice up an octave. “I’m only telling you because you asked. I hope you and Mia enjoy your trip! I can’t wait to see photos.”
“Hey, wait-“
“I gotta go,” you say, brushing the stray tears that have escaped. “Pizza guy is here. Bye!”
You hang up the phone and then place it on silent. You don’t want to talk with him anymore. You don’t want to talk with anyone. You just spoke to Dieter but that doesn't stop you from missing him. It gets to the point where you pull up old interview footage with him on YouTube just so you can hear his voice and see his smile. 
When the pizza arrives you pay the guy delivering it, but then you just shove the box in the fridge. You take a shower, letting the tears mingle with the steamy droplets before pulling on a new nightdress. You grab the walkman and headphones, about to put them on when you pad t the kitchen for a glass of water.
You walk back, about to retire to your guest room, walking past Dieter’s bedroom. You’ve rarely ever been inside it and never when he isn’t at home. But something about today compels you into it, something make you push open the door and walk to his bed.
The room is recently cleaned by Petra, the bed freshly made, the floors sparkling, his clothing put away. The fireplace is off but you switch it on, noticing his tattered green robe freshly washed and hanging on the back of the bedroom door. You don’t even think about it, you just pull it on over your sleep dress and stumble into his bed.
Dieter’s bed is so comfy, even better than the one in his guest house and room. You curl under the sheets, burying your face in his pillow. It smells like his expensive shampoo and the cologne he sometimes wears. It brings tears to your eyes. 
You wish he was here. 
You turn onto your back, tummy swollen and resting heavily. It makes you long for Dieter in all aspects. Not just to fuck, but to spend time with. He's so different from anyone you know. He doesn't follow rules or social norms. But when you're with him you feel calm and not judged. It makes you feel like you can let go. 
"Your daddy really is wonderful," you murmur to your belly, stroking it. "You might hear bad stuff but you need to know what a good heart he has. He's so generous and funny and he loves so deeply. You're not even here yet and he's so in love with you." 
You look at the walkman resting beside you, and instead of putting it around your abdomen something inspires you to put the headphones on yourself. You’ve never listened to the message before but tonight you do.
You slip the cheap foam over your ears, rewinding the tape and smiling when his voice sounds out over the tape.
“Hey little Bravo, this is your dad speaking. I just found out you’re gonna be a boy. Woah. My son. Uh, I need you to know that you are so special and that when you’re born we’re gonna have so much fun. I’ve already made a list of places we’re gonna go. And-“
It goes on like this for several minutes with Dieter excitedly detailing all his future plans for he and his son. You hang onto every word, enraptured with the life he has in store for his son. You imagine a future with Dieter holding a baby with his same wild hair. And in this future you see him reach for a woman, but she isn’t you. It’s Mia, and she looks so happy with them. The perfect family.
Dieter’s voice draws you back in.
“You need to know that your Mom loves you just as much as me. I watch her patting you and whispering to you all the time. She told me last week that you were the size of a head of cauliflower. Then she started humming a song about her cauliflower son.”
You laugh out loud at the memory of you swimming a few weeks ago humming a tune about a cauliflower son. You didn’t even realize Dieter was paying attention.  You turn your attention back to the recording.
“I just want you to know how much I love you. I love you so so much. I’m so excited to meet you.”
You stop the tape, rewinding it.
“I just want you to know how much I love you. I love you so much.”
You sniffle, rewinding the tape again.
“I just want you to know how much I love you. I love you so much.”
Again.
“I love you so much.”
Again and again you rewind to hear that section. And as you finally drift off into sleep it’s to the gentle sound of the man you desire whispering how much he loves you.
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Dieter arrives at home late, toeing off his sneakers as he yawns, scratching his belly before heading for his bedroom. The suitcase is left at the front door, tomorrow’s problem. He’s exhausted from the flight and he needs to get some sleep before he talks to you tomorrow morning.
He opens the door to his room, preparing to throw himself into bed when he notices the fireplace is on. He pauses, seeing you in your bed lying on your side sleepily soundly. A small smile curls onto his lips when he sees the bright yellow walkman in your hand, fingers loosely around it. What strikes him is that you're wearing the headphones; you don't have them around your belly. 
Dieter is quiet, looking down at your peaceful sleeping face illuminated by your bedside table. One of your hands is splayed over your belly protectively and this makes him smile. He gently pulls the earphones from off your head, sliding the walkman from your grip and placing both on his nightstand. 
He figures he’ll sleep in the guest room tonight, musing that you’re playing musical beds tonight.
You murmur something sleepily, something be doesn't catch. He takes a minute longer to look at you and then his face hovers over yours. He kisses you softly, an innocent press of his lips to yours. 
"G'night baby mama."
You shift partly awake, arms reaching out to wrap around his neck. He grins, allowing himself to get pulled into the bed next to you. You’re so warm. You don't say anything; you just snuggle up against him, face nuzzling against his neck. 
"Go back to sleep, baby," Dieter tells your sleepy frame. "Just turning the light off."
He presses a ginger kiss to your temple before his free hand clicks the light next to the bed.  
"Okay, love you, g'night," you murmur, still mostly dozing. 
Dieter is silent, unmoving as your words rattle around in his head. He waits until you're snoring before he finally replies. 
"I love you too."
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TAGLIST: @getitoutofmymindwrites @manuymesut @whirlwindrider29 @mostardentlypascal @lu62 @missladym1981 @heareball @sptbear @drewharrisonwriter @lizzie-cakes @daddy-dins-girl @moel-jiller @tammythr @guelyury @lilyevanstan1325 @lu62 @sptbear @staywildflowahchild @whirlwindrider29 @pedropascalsbbg @cherrycosmos392
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slothkittfunsies · 2 months
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Deep Dive into the issues on Alastor.
CONTENT WARNING: Racism, Aphobia.
Now that I created a blog specifically for stuff like this, It's time for the dive.
Alastor is a character that resonates with me, because this guy is supposed to represent me and my people (aspec/aroace community) and I liked his pilot personality. (That went to shit)
This man got so many issues, that i have to take the pen myself and scribble what Vivzie has wrote. So, Let's start, shall we?
THE DESIGN
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The first time I saw the Hazbin pilot, I got confused about what Alastor was supposed to be. I thought he was just a grey human wearing some kind of animal ears until the fandom said he is a deer.
A deer. Let that sink in.
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(Images for comparsion)
As someone passionate about the arts, this upset me. Sure, I haven't been to art school, but even I know you need to put the backstory and features in mind when designing a character.
Character design is NOT throwing things at the wall and seeing which sticks. It needs actual critical thinking. If your audience is confused about your character's species, it's time to go back to the drawing table (unless you have a reason for making it mysterious.)
Second, the overabundance of red is awful in terms of color theory. This guy is in Hell, which is also red, causing an eyesore. I got a headache when trying to focus on him on a red background. And also, colors have meaning. People associate red with danger, so the fact he even managed to get victims to kill makes me puzzled.
Also, the fact he's supposed to be mixed/black makes this design even worse. Why is he grey instead of brown, perhaps? Vivzie has a pattern of making POCs grey-skinned, which is, again, awful.
I think Vivzie only made him a POC due to the voodoo issue. I mean, just remove the symbols and you are done. But nah the symbols are too "aesthetic" to remove. So gotta change his race.
She could have used another symbols, like THIS for example:
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Since, you know, he's the "Radio Demon"?
THE BACKSTORY
Ok, this where I'm very confused.
Alastor is a radio host, and also a serial killer. He was born in the USA, got killed by a deer hunter by mistake, and lived in the 1920's.
This is what I gathered from being a superfan back then, and it sounds unorganised/cluttered. And the years he lived in make his design even worse. (Again! His clothing doesn't speak the 1920s!)
The fact he's from an old era, and yet speaks in modern slang is weird. He's supposed to hate anything modern, and yet he does it anyway? His saying "fuck" multiple times is so out of character for him. I guess the "If made by Vivziepop" memes have some truth.
Putting the fact he's mixed, makes the backstory more confusing. How did he manage to be a popular radio host at the time before the civil rights movement became a thing? He will have been put down like the rest of the POCs in America. Either that he's white-passing, or it's VERY difficult. Adding the fact he's a serial killer makes me think how the cops didn't get to him (the mere fact he's black should have got him questioned in 1920s America)
Now, for his identity. I'm mad he's the only aroace character in the sea of gays and bisexuals. (I'm not saying gay men and bisexual people should not have representation. I have to say that due to tumblr's piss poor reading comprehersion)
which made me go through on why Vivzie made him aroace in the first place. I don't know if this is true, but I heard she made him aroace because "he only loves himself"
Um. Here we go again with allos assuming we are non-empathic psychopaths for our lack of sexual or/and romantic attraction. I hope that's not true at all, but knowing Vivzie's past, I wouldn't be surprised.
Alastor would have been a great character if another person took care of it instead of Vivziepop. What I'm gonna say is, wasted potential.
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starberry-cupcake · 23 days
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I'm back! Thank you so much for your patience and your kind messages and comments ♥ you are so nice about my silly ramblings, I appreciate it a lot.
previously, on harrowsoup the ninth:
this happened
also I posted this and this as previews and this is the whole tag
currently, chapters 23-26:
"an atmosphere of greater unease had settled over the mithraeum"
aka the emperor's bolthole
btw, no kidding, harrow, I hadn't noticed the unease
so, harrow asks around about the herald situation
I have another deck with dragon heralds but I'm not gonna go on a card tangent this time (you're welcome)
everyone gives terrible and useless descriptions
emperor johnny boy says "Whenever they come I am bundled off to a sealed sanctum at the heart of the Mitrhaeum, so that their insanity can't touch me"
asshole coward awful man
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harrobean is trying to ask why emperor asshat is so sure about her having to die and if there's no way she can make it
emperor johnny says yandere twin isn't that good at being a lyctor yet, even if she's surprising and that if he was still giving silly names, he'd name her "Saint of Awe"
harrow thinks "that had not quite suited Naberius"
get perpetually owned, chad
harrow also mentions not being able to remember things well
YOU THINK, HARROW?
"it was as though your brain had formed a scab over everything that had happened to you"
I don't think that scab is healing well
emperor johnny insists on the rapier
idk why they all insist on the rapier
gideon and camilla didn't like it and were the fucking best cavaliers ever
ARE, THEY ARE THE BEST CAVALIERS EVER
PRESENT TENSE
but anyway, at this point, it could very well be emperor johnbro has aesthetic demands
not like he'll explain anything
harrowbean sees not!dulcinea's door closed, which isn't usual
she second guesses a bit because she can't always trust what she sees and she remembers crux saying "you saw what you saw, Lady, and the only thing you control now is your reaction thereto"
I didn't like that old man, but that's pretty cool of him to say
harrow opens the door and sees this
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alleged gideon the first aka ortus tells harrow to go away very calmly and in a way that is too nice for him, apparently
harrow is upset at the display in front of her salad and goes to complain to yandere twin
which is a terrible place to complain at because she's both into gossip and into kink
if you want someone to take this seriously, that's the last place to go to
"at least you know who's been moving her—so to speak"
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this is what we get combining yandere twin and chad
I've used that gif twice for her already
I forgive her, though, because she says "god is a dickhead" and she's right
she also asks harrow to try to remember why emperor john god has given her the sword
and establishes that harrow previously did something to her jaw so that she couldn't tell her
that's going in the 3d model
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CHAPTER 24
apparently people are being less mean to harrowbean because they're already mourning her
harrow says that alleged gideon the first aka ortus has the name ortus because "it was just a banal and uncomfortable coincidence, as though he'd carried the name of a dead childhood pet"
she believes that the name must have caught on in the ninth because anastasia must have like brought it in and named people after her pal
I think he's named gideon
and that our gideon is named after him because of direct relationship of some capacity, maybe to someone involved
I considered the mom, but it's uncertain
in any case, he has to die
so, harrow puts a lot of wards and safety things in her room
kind of like this
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home alone styling it
but apparently alleged gideon the first aka ortus can bypass wards
much like the sleeper/waker
much like not!dulcinea
wards are basically pointless, I guess, at this point
so he goes into her bathroom when she's bathing because here in the emperor's bolthole, everyone's a disrespectful asshole
harrowbean says he's "a thanergy void" and "the ultimate nemesis of a bone adept"
he tries to kill her while she's looking like this
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I want to give this child some cocoa and play a comfort movie for her, like "the bone collector"
she ended up using the teeth she lost in the fight as projectiles in his eyes and got him to leave
she ended up bloody, unmoving, wet, naked and collapsed on the ground to which yandere twin live reacted to and left
she could have given her a hand
or an arm
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she decided alleged gideon had to die and ice cube barbie aka probably annabel lee agreed
when gideon was among us, there was not enough time for her to throw hands at people and here there's so many people she could be throwing hands at and she's not here to do so
camilla too, but camilla threw hands at martita in a way that was legendary enough
CHAPTER 25
harrow goes with the chisme to dr reverend professor emperor john
she says "I swear by the Locked Tomb"
to which he replies "I wouldn't swear by that in this instance"
which I sure hope doesn't mean anything nasty with my girl ice cube barbie annabel lee because I'm gonna kill this man
she might not be entirely alive (maybe she is, maybe she's just suspended or something) but she deserves better than this piece of work
then he says "well, that's unfortunate"
this man really knows how to handle a situation, huh
emperor john says that it's pretty unlikely that alleged gideon the first aka ortus was doing the dirty with not!dulcinea because he never showed interest before and is "legendarily unamorous"
that's another tshirt I need
I need that one and the witch one immediately
also, now we've got a problem
not just because my telenovela about how this man might or might not be related to our gideon got more convoluted
but also because if alleged gideon is aroace, I'm gonna have to stan
I don't make the rules over here, I have to stand by my people
I have a conflict of interest now
emperor john also says "you must think us all a depraved set of immortal criminals"
I mean yes, I do, but not because of sexy times with zombies
I'm not here to judge the sexytimes of necromancers and whatever they do in their spare time
I don't know the intricacies of consent with ghosts or whatever, I can't be imparting judgment
it's not that, emperor john
it's because you're unpleasant war criminals who are killing planets for fun
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well, the war criminal part I don't have hard evidence on rn but the situation doesn't seem to be in the favor of these people
I feel like when this man talks about the overall situation I'm getting a speech from emperor palpatine
emperor reverend john asks harrow, who has been awake for 25 years, to go to sleep
yeah, sure, she should go to sleep and wait for this guy to come by and try to kill her for the millionth time
meanwhile, harrowbean keeps collecting hours without sleep like
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she makes, at the request of emperor camp counselor john, soup for everyone
I don't remember if it was here or before and I forgot but, this is extremely important
they mentioned cassiopeia being the one who cooked before
cassiopeia the same one with the ceramics collection, if I'm remembering correctly
cassiopeia who was also from the sixth, I think
camilla's house
she's checking every single one of my boxes like a sniper
why isn't she here, we're stuck with the grumpy one and the senior chad
ANYWAY, at the mention of harrow cooking I thought, immediately, "that's an awesome way to kill this guy"
I was picturing more like a poison type situation, although I didn't know how that could be achieved
something like this
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but I should have known poison was too subtle for harrowcita
like I established back when protozoa's head was found in her closet, subtle isn't harrow's style
so it was more like this
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basically, harrow sectioned her tibia to put some in the soup and then she could necrobend it so that it attacked from the inside
if I'm getting it right
insane plan and I love it
emperor john shadyman says "ten thousand years since I've eaten human being, Harrow, and I didn't really want an encore."
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were they snacking on people during the Resurrection???
did they kill people by making lunch?????
???????????????????????????????????????????
"you think we're bad because we have sexy times with ghoulies?? uwu" that's the least of my concerns johnny john man
harrow then breaks down and asks straight to his face WHY THE FUCK MUST SHE SUFFER LIKE THIS
she calls herself a nonsense
the only nonsense here is what this emperor man speaks
she tells him she hasn't slept in six days
for a sleep deprived plan, it was excellent tbh
emperor man over here asks yandere twin to take her to sleep
and then stays with mercygirl to whom he says it's insane that harrow could do what she did and how did mercygirl miss that
this is the situation, as I have previously established
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augustine looks at harrow "as if he had seen the ghost of someone he did not particularly like"
alleged gideon the first aka ortus salutes her on her way out
he doesn't even have heartburn
CHAPTER 26
we're back on gideon-less canaan house because it's time for more people to die
in ways that make 0 sense at all for what we know so far
regina george twin is pushed to her death by mayonnaise uncle
sounds fake to me
like, come on
regina george twin can probably murder that feeble guy on sight
we saw her spar with gideon, she wanted to be the cav that chad ended up being
she might not be a necro but she can stand her ground in a physical fight
mayonnaise uncle without duracell bunny nephew is like a sweaty guy on an anime con complaining about girls ruining everything while buying a maid figurine
she can take him
anyway, he does that and he says to her "and somewhere out there, may all the blood of your blood suffer even a fraction of what I have suffered"
now, this is weird
is he talking about yandere twin?
he wants revenge because yandere twin obliterated him?
is yandere twin "out there"?
I'd say this might be limbo BUT CAMILLA ISN'T DEAD
harrow is going to him and he says "she has not remembered her end" "is this how it happens then?"
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and then he yeeted himself into space
that's what I wanted to do with not!dulcinea all along
so, yeah, well, this canaan business is getting more complicated now that it's not just people being shot
people are throwing themselves and others into space
and the memories of harrow in the emperor's bolthole aren't completely lining up with these
and mayonnaise uncle seemed to have been more aware of things than others around here?? or maybe just more forthcoming??? in that cryptic otaku way of his
also, no camilla at all still
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Things are heating up in the emperor's bolthole, hope to come back soon with another one and thanks for the patience, hope it was worth it.
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sopuu · 3 months
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Imma be real for a second and say I love the way Jesse has scars on your art??? Love it when someone gives a character who's been through a lot of physical (and mental) trauma some kind of scar. It just emphasizes to me that they went through that. And the effects of that stay with them.
Sorry I'm rambling
Tldr mmm scar art prettyyyy
exactly!! jesse’s gone through so much that i’d be surprised if he didn’t have any scars. and i like to think he’s confident enough to show them off not as injuries to his body but as a part of who he is, like a collection of experiences and battles he’s overcome. hence why i have his sleeves rolled up most of the time (and also rolled sleeves…so gender…)
he’s got a bunch of other scars i never get to show off so here’s some scar headcanons as a treat! i wanted to give each major one a backstory so it’s not just there for aesthetics. the others are normal battle scars tho
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ramblings about the f-bomb scar and the face scar under the cut bc there’s a lot oops. ty for the ask!
can we talk about the damage the f-bomb did to him in game. or the lack of damage even. because there’s no way this man got out of a close explosion from the strongest bomb with ONLY ringing ears for a few seconds?? not that im complaining i’m glad he’s okay bfjkfh
either the order’s armour is made of impressively strong cloth and metal or minecraft block people are very tolerant to damage. although the logical explanation would probably be the damage can’t be shown realistically within the limitations of a minecraft game (not just on the pg side of things but also they are. made of a few pixels) idk it’s something interesting to think about lore/game development wise
if it weren’t for canon depictions i’d probably have the scar cover half of his body,, but i like keeping designs close to canon depictions so a big shoulder scar it is! i had it cover more of his back since he turns when being fished down to try and shield himself
as for the face scar! i’ve debated for a long time whether to have that as the origin bc i thought it was too cruel but it stayed in the end- it’s probably the hardest one he’s had to overcome despite it being the smallest major scar. every time he looks in the mirror he’s reminded of how he failed reuben. how can it be that he only gets a small scrape while his best friend loses his life? all because of jesse’s mistakes?
some OLD art incoming so shield your eyes but these are a few doodles exploring that! i was also testing the f-bomb scar on the face for funsies
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eventually though, as he learns to accept his many scars he comes to see this one as a mark of the turning point of his life, both the good and the bad, and how much reuben and jesse meant to each other that they faced the world’s end together, knowing full well of the consequences. in a sense he carries reuben’s memory through that scar :]
anyways this is so long i’ll shut up now LOL
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rabbitblackx · 1 year
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I hope you're doing fine if not I'm sorry to read/hear that
May I request the ticci-toby, masky, hoodie, ben drowned, eyeless jack, jeff the killer and homicidal liu ( you can take spme away if you want to) with a motherly/killer s/o? like they help them clean up after killing someone and cook for them but goes full on momma bear when someone insultes their bf? And go on a full on killing spree when they're really mad or gets some kidneys for jack but their partner doesn't know? maybe they have a 1960s housewife aesthetic?
just imagen the look on their faceses when they come to their s/o's house to find them humm to themself, covered in blood while cooking with the name they just killed someone with.
Sorry for the wait! I’ve been super sick but I’m doing much better now thanks for asking! :)
Creepypastas find out Motherly!Reader is a killer
Includes: Masky, Hoody, Toby Rogers, BEN Drowned, Eyeless Jack, Jeff The Killer and Homicidal Liu
Masky💖
Masky quietly climbed through your bedroom window. He made it a habit to return to your place after his missions. Seeing you weren’t in here, he slinked through the dark room towards the kitchen, where he knew you definitely were. Masky stood in silence as he watched you cook him dinner. You sensed his presence behind you, turning and offering him a warm smile
Masky watched you like a hawk from behind his mask. You ushered him out of his bloody jacket, folding it in your arms and taking it away to wash. As you waited for his food to finish cooking, you dabbed small flecks of blood from his white mask, cooing at him. If you were to take the mask off to clean further, he would quickly lean in and steal a kiss from your lips
When you hung out at the mansion, you could clearly see that Toby annoyed your boyfriend a fair bit. If he took it too far until Masky got super pissed at the younger man, you stepped in to give Toby a firm, motherly lecture
Masky believed that you were his sweet, angelic, old fashioned male wife, but you had a secret. Like him and the other creeps, you were a crazed killer. When you got really angry like he sometimes did, you went on a killing spree of your own
Masky came home to you one night, finding you cooking dinner for him like you always did. You scared him to death. As you were humming sweetly to yourself while occupied at the stove, you were drenched in blood
Masky threw himself at you, bombarding you with concerns. He thought somebody had hurt you. What happened?! You innocently explained to him that it wasn’t your blood, and you just had some ‘fun’ of your own. Poor Tim here would be super shocked, but not exactly mad… ;)
Hoody💖
Hoody returned home from his mission to find you waiting for him in his room. You immediately greeted him happily, then fussed him out of his bloody hoodie. Before he could protest, you told him you made him some dinner, and wanted him to go eat it while you put his clothes in the wash. Hoody felt bad that you were caring for him like this, but headed downstairs to the kitchen anyway
After dinner, you curled up on his bed with his head in your chest. Brian drifted off to sleep with a small smile on his unmasked face. Your twirled your fingers through his hair, humming softly to him
You got really protective of Hoody if any of the other creeps were to give him a rough time. Your hand went straight to his shoulder, snapping back at them that he was perfect, and nothing they said was true. It was a bit embarrassing, but Hoody couldn’t help but adore it so much
He couldn’t believe his eyes when he stopped by your home one night, finding you cooking dinner for him while caked in blood. Brian was beyond panicked for your well-being. You had to calm him down with your gentle words and caresses. You giggled, waving his worries off, telling him it wasn’t your blood. Hoody’s stomach fell. You… were fine… you were just out… killing… much like he and the others did
Hoody couldn’t explain it, but something about sweet old you being crazy and bloody like that made him feral
Toby Rogers💖
Toby was so clingy. Every chance he got, he was dashing to your place or begging you on the home to come over to Slender’s. He completely melted when you cleaned him up after killing. Every time you cleaned his hoodie, he cuddled and sniffed it first, as it smelled like you. You always used the best softeners and detergent like the mother you were
Toby absolutely loved your cooking. He always scarfed that shit down real quick, before asking for seconds and sometimes even thirds
Nobody dared be mean to Toby when you were around. He was a snitch too and carried on to you when someone did. You were very protective and motherly over Toby, and always stood up for him. If a creep was mean to him (usually Jeff), he wrapped his arms around your waist, hiding behind you while pointing at the offender (Jeff)
Toby couldn’t deny that he was scared of you. You were so much like an old fashioned mum, and he feared punishment from you. One night after a mission, he practically came skipping back to your place. Toby bursted through the door to find you cooking him dinner over the stove, humming a tune while covered in blood
Whoa
Toby knew that it wasn’t yours. He thought so highly of you, and knew you could take care of yourself just fine. Hell, you sure did of him! He knew that you had hurt other people, and probably for good reason… right?
Seeing you cook for him after a murderous rampage… huff, sure did a number on him… Toby started to shamelessly and clumsily flirt, blushing and gushing like a schoolgirl over you
You were so cool to him
BEN Drowned💖
BEN’s room was a mess before you came along. You kept it clean and washed all his clothes, which often were dirty. Whether they were covered in blood, chip crumbs, soda or sweat, you were there to scoop them off the floor and into the wash
BEN’s diet usually consisted of snacks and/or whatever he munched on while gaming. But now you were here, you cooked him nice meals three times a day
Nobody thought it was possible, but he actually didn’t game as much after he met you. BEN much preferred to hang out with you instead (congratulations)
Nobody messed with BEN that much, but when they did, you were right there to shout them down. He felt so safe and protected with you by his side. If you were lecturing a creep for being rude to him, he was hiding behind you and cheering you on like the proud bf he was
One night, BEN crawled out of your phone, which was laying on your kitchen counter. He suddenly popped up in your home, gawking in bewilderment at you as you cooked him dinner. You were caked in blood while humming to yourself innocently
BEN uncertainly called your name, resulting in you looking up from the stove at him with a warm smile. He asked you what happened as chill as he could, in which you gently told him. He had no idea you were a killer like him. You were so sweet, and so different from him. It shocked BEN a lot, but that didn’t make him love you any less
In fact, he just loved you more
Eyeless Jack💖
You often took the clothes right off Jack’s back, as they were frequently covered in fresh blood. Whether from cutting up his ‘experiments’, patching up an injured creep, or just enjoying a little snack, he always found a way to splash red all over his hoodie
Jack fell in love with you a little more everyday. When you came over to the mansion, you cooked him gourmet meals with kidneys and other human organs from his stash. He thought they were delicious and absolutely fabulous. He couldn’t eat anything else!
If Jeff or someone was teasing Jack, the words hurt you more than him. The eyeless man was way better than any petty banter or insults. You knew that, but still always snapped at others for being mean to him. Jack thought it was rather cute, really
Jack was getting curiouser and curiouser when you came to the mansion with jars of kidneys or other gory items. You innocently told him you got them just for him, and how you were to cook them up. Like, yeah, sure. That was very sweet of you and all, but whERE DID YOU GET THEM???
One lonely night, Jack left the mansion and made his way to your home. He missed you, and just wanted to curl up in your bed with you. You were expecting him, as it was common for him to give you evening visits
Jack entered through the front door with the spare key you gave him. He found you in the kitchen, stirring up a stew of gore for him on the stove. Blood dripped down from the brim of the pot, and so did some from your clothes. You smiled at Jack as he approached, slowly taking off his mask to get a better look of you, though he was eyeless
You were drenched in blood, giggling to him how you went ‘grocery shopping’ for him. You were quite old fashioned and domesticated, after all! Jack didn’t pick you for a fellow killer. Because you reminded him of one of those nuclear fam spouses from the fifties or something. You were already very alluring to him, and this was just icing on the kidney cake
Jeff The Killer💖
Jeff was very stubborn. He acted annoyed when you tidied his godawful room, and made a big deal of you washing his clothes. You just rolled your eyes with a smile and gently told him you only did it because you loved him. Jeff grew bashful, and acted like it didn’t warm his dead heart. He ended up looking forward to coming home to you after killing, and enjoyed the look on your face when you saw the blood all over his white hoodie
Jeff tried so hard not to get emotional when you cooked him a nice meal. You almost reminded him of his mother, and you took him back to a much simpler time. He fell asleep with his head on your belly that same night, with you laying on your back in between his bedsheets
When Jeff got into a scrap with another creep, he always made it violent. Liu sparked up an argument with his brother, which Jeff pulled a knife on him. You had to tug him back by his hood, prying the blade from his pale hand
Jeff was beyond angry. He didn’t want to listen to you as you dragged him to his room and shut the door behind you. If you tried to mother and reason with him, expect him to shout or tell you to shut up. You were forever patient with this man though, and eventually got through to him
Like said before, Jeff was very stubborn and also cold. But after hearing you ended up lecturing Liu for picking on his brother, he couldn’t help but grow even more fond of you
Jeff climbed through your bedroom window. When he noticed you weren’t in there, he immediately ventured off to the kitchen, knowing you would be cooking dinner. Jeff was carrying a bloody knife, but it clattered to the floor when he saw you
There was blood all over your clothes, and on your hands too. You were cooking him dinner with a small smile, and it widened when you spotted him in the doorway
Before you could greet him, Jeff was storming over to you slamming you against the wall. Your murderous eyes grew wide as he pressed himself flush against your bloody form, smacking a hungry kiss to your lips
Homicidal Liu💖
Liu was so appreciative of you when you offered to wash his clothes after killing. Sometimes blood splashed onto his coat or scarf, but you were right there to clean and soften them for him
Your domestic antics almost made Liu feel normal again. You cooked him (and sometimes his brother) meals all the time like the motherly sweetheart you were. He often came over to your place after killing and whatnot. Jeff sometimes tagged along too just to abuse your kindness of washing his clothes and feeding him good food
Now as much as you cared for Jeff, you often had to shout him down when he picked a fight with your Liu. Jeff would start sulking, and Liu would absolutely love it. Scratch that, he absolutely loved you. You were his rock. <3 You two were a pretty cute couple and always had plenty to talk about
Liu visited you one evening without his brother, entering your lovely home with a pep in his step. Everything stopped though when he found you cooking him dinner, humming while covered in blood. He thought somebody hurt you, and was stumbling over himself as he raced over. You had to console Liu, caressing his stitched up cheeks while cooing over the top of his rambling
He relaxed a little after you told him it wasn’t your blood all over you. But he didn’t bring his guard down much as he realised that meant you hurt someone else. You—sweet, innocent you… killed…?
Liu was overcome with emotions. He threw himself around you, hugging your neck tight and nestling into it. He exhaled when he felt you wrap your arms around him too. He decided he would unpack you being a killer later. Liu just wanted to be close to you at the moment. He was just relieved you were okay
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