#Introvert advice

[thatbadadvice]

Dear Advisor,

I tend to be a very reserved and shy person so making friends is super hard. Recently I’ve been wanting to socialize more , but I genuinely don’t know how. Is there any advice that you have that can make me look more approachable and not be scared to talk to people. I’m so stressed about being alone and not having any friends, but I just find it so hard to go up to people and make a conversation. I tried once but it became super awkward. I just really need good advice from someone on how to approach a person and continue a conversation.

Dear Awkward Anonymous,

It would be so easy to get into a whole deep let's-skeetshoot-therapy-on-the-internet session and try to help a total stranger unpack all of the GA-FUCKING-ZILLION ways in which social awkwardness shows up in a person's life. It seems easy, and it even seems meaningful and worthwhile, but to do so I would have to presume a bunch about your life, and make a bunch of assumptions about the ways in which my own experiences maybe/probably track with yours, and it would be a whole big wank-fest, and frankly ... it would be awkward. I'd be like you, standing there at the party, hoping that what I'm saying resonates or lands or even vaguely tracks with anything a stranger has ever known or experienced, presuming (probably rightly!) that it doesn't, and then flailing and blaming myself when I didn't emerge from the interaction with all the world's gold stars.

So here's what: stop talking to other people as a primary social occupation. Going up to people and just talking is fucking terrifying. The Bad Advisor says this as a Certified Extrovert™ who rarely shuts the fuck up.

Instead, find a thing to do with other people that involves some sort of task or goal or activity. Talk about the thing you're doing together, when you're doing it. If it feels okay, maybe introduce one or two of your own relatable-to-the-activity experiences in the process. See who picks up on it. Ask the people who pick up on it genuinely interested questions in response. This is what we awkward people call: engineering a conversation. It is the way, I am told, humans make connections with other humans. I have seen it work in my own life.

Depending on where you live and your ability level and skill set, I bet you have some options! You could seek out an open board game night, pub quiz session, knitting/quilting circle, or mutual aid meetup that's looking for volunteers. Especially look for social activities with strangers that involve a dedicated, pre-prescribed activity (such as a hiking or mall-walking group, stuffing envelopes for a political candidate or cause you care about, planting trees at your local park, or tasting tea/wine/beer/etc.). (Somebody is going to say join a ballroom dancing club or suchlike; I am personally terrified of this, but if you have a higher tolerance for strangers touching you and fewer than two left feet: it's literally an option. Line-dancing, on the other hand ... absofuckinglutely.)

Even if what's available in your area isn't your precise and specific interest, it might be worthwhile to check out something you are decidedly meh about -- you might not be the only meh person there. You can bond over shit that's boring or shitty with other people who find it boring or shitty! Some of my best friends, arguably my very best friends, came out of experiences we mutually loathed or found at least moderately and mutually miserable.

Consider especially finding an activity where you yourself are the manager of operations and/or have a designated task to take care of that is unique to your position! This doesn't have to be complicated or skill-dependent; can you become a voter registrar in your area? Well, bam! You've got paperwork people have to fill out and a good reason to jibber-jabber with folks who have to ask you the questions. Other ideas: join your local neighborhood association board, become a notary public, or see if your local pet rescue is looking for intake line volunteers. Do you have a trustworthy, especially outgoing friend who might agree to play "social glue" for you a couple of times at their activity-centric events? Make it explicit! Ask them if they'll play friendly wing-person for you at their D&D game, fantasy sports league, or some such.

Alternately: Do you have a unique and fun and shareable skillset you can share with others? Are you pretty good at drawing, programming? Simply a font of endless Merlin or NFL or Real Housewives knowledge? You might start a local Discord or other online social group to discuss and share your interests, then move it to the real world in a few weeks once folks get comfortable. You get the idea.

Most of all: Look for stuff that has more-than-just-talking opportunities available outside the designated group jam for you to maintain connections. Perhaps a group chat, a Discord, a Slack, what-have-you, where you can take more time to consider and draft your responses and posts? Connections with humans get made a thousand ways, and talking raw-dog with strangers is but one.

It takes a true social unicorn to be simply good at talking and only talking to other people. There are some of these one-horned wonders out there, to be sure — but let me assure you that the vast majority of folks want to be accepted and seen just as much as you do, and they're staring at the ceiling at night thinking just as much (more, probably) about all the weird, wonky shit they themselves threw at you than they are anything you ever said to them.

[cryptidwithaninternetconnection]

That’s the goal homie

I’ve also discovered that if you wear fun pants, nobody talks to you or initiates conversation, use this info for refrance introverts

It’s the park, nobody cares

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[pkmnirl]

An invaluable thing to learn when running a roleplay blog on Tumblr is to understand what type of blog you want to run and what you want to do when there aren't interactions. There's this misunderstanding in communities like this that you always subsist entirely off interactions from other bloggers. While there's nothing wrong with seeking out interactions, there will inevitably be times where interactions are harder to come by. Focusing solely on getting interactions regardless of the type, this obsessive focus on attention in any form, is the easiest way to burn out.

There have been some rumors going around that asks are getting capped at a lower number. People are understandably concerned that their blogs are going to go radio silent, and many struggle to gain traction in the first place. There's been more posts circulating saying things like "reblog if you want an ask from me!" or "reblog this and reply to three people in the notes!" and while these can be helpful they still can only do so much if you are feeling burnt out or discouraged.

So if you find yourself dissatisfied with your experience, ask yourself a few questions. Are you still having fun writing this character even if you are not getting attention? Are you more focused on numbers than on enjoying writing/creating? If you feel like the only thing on your mind is getting people's attention and you aren't having fun, a break might help to relieve some of these anxieties. There's no harm in logging off for a little while, though I know it can be hard to hear. It's important you take time for yourself and not rely solely on the validation of others.

Now when it comes to a progressive mindset when writing and gaining traction the questions are a bit different. What would your character post about when people aren't necessarily watching? How would your character describe themself to a stranger? What are some aspects of your character that you want people to pay attention to? To some extent you must promote what you are doing for people to be interested. When you reblog posts to find blogs to interact with, give in the notes a short description of your character and what they do.

For example, when I created my first blog and was reblogging posts asking for interactions I added in the tags, IC of course, "I'm a sneasel researcher working to reintroduce the Hisuian variant to the wild!" It's brief and it gives people a little bit to go off of when scrolling through a massive list of blogs that all reblogged that post. More structured roleplay communities have dossiers with basic information about their characters to help people get an idea of what to talk about. Generally, the more easily obtained information people have, the easier time they have formulating messages to you. Remember that your pinned post is going to be the number one thing people read when clicking onto your blog. Put information there that will help you find the sorts of people you want interacting with you.

And don't forget reblog karma! Sending interactions with your name attached can help you spark further conversation!

[ipessimist1]

Haiku

Sometimes the best way to love is to understand your partner's silence

6:29 PM 10/10/24

[sunsetsmakemesad]

Reminder that the mind and the body are connected and taking care of your body can vastly improve your mental health. It won't solve all your problems, but it helps

[sikapa41]

The 7 MAGNETIC MALE TRAITS - That Women Can't RESIST (super easy)

►►► START YOUR TRANSFORMATION NOW: The 7-Day Mastery Course: The Acceleration Mentorship Program: Products: INSTAGRAM: FACEBOOK: YOUTUBE:

[deepspaceclawstation]

I hate to admit it but I feel so lonely here. I expected the language barrier to be a problem, whereas the real issues are the cultural barrier (I wouldn't really describe it as a 'shock') and the age gap (which factors in in weird ways)

It's weird talking to PhD students because most of them are younger than me but academically they are my seniors. Also weird talking to Bachelor's students because they view me as a senior but in my mind 3rd and 4th year students have seniority over me because they've been here for longer than I have. First year BTechs are mostly minors so it's easier to think of them as being junior but then I'm constantly overthinking my interactions with them because I fear I may come off as condescending or something. My classmates are low-key the most boring people I've ever met, and I'm probably the most boring person they've ever met, so while we get along well we don't really have any common interests or a shared sense of humour which makes casual conversation challenging. I only made it through the last year because of the queer friends I made here, and the queer club meetings which were the only bright spots in most of my weeks here

[omiraopo]

𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾𐬾

I am starting to love myself a little more but the fear of falling back into old habits…

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟﾟ。

　ﾟ･｡･

“Cause my love is mine, all mine. I love mine, mine, mine.” - Mitski

𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿𐬿

[internettythings]

[elrohirtheneurodivergent]

Neurodivergent socially awkward people of tumblr,

How would you go about asking someone if they like you?

[ebonyseuphoriatarot]

[lovebugmusings]

im tryna find some writer friends in the cod world but i find it so hard to talk with ppl!!! any advice?? 😓

i stumbled my way into friendship with @glossysoap and @xxshadowbabexx by just. interacting with their stuff and posting my own.

it can be daunting, but honestly even just leaving comments on fics can lead to people checking out your blog and your writing.

[sikapa41]

Can an UGLY guy Get a GIRLFRIEND?

Watch the full interview: ►►► START YOUR TRANSFORMATION NOW: The 7-Day Mastery Course: The Acceleration Mentorship Program: Products: INSTAGRAM: FACEBOOK: YOUTUBE:

[sleepdeprivedmusings]

SIDE QUESTS

So, there is this youtuber named Alana Lintao. In one of her shorts, she mentions how one of the models she was taking to went like 'Oh, you don't drink or smoke? What do you even do then?'. So her answer: SIDE QUESTS. Like movie nights, sleepovers, bracelet making, those sort of fun activities.

Now, I don't really drink or smoke either, but I, like a lot of other people have a bit of an internet addiction. For many it's tiktok and insta reels, for me it's yt shorts, but whatever. Pot. Kettle. Except for the comment section. On top of that I am NOT social. I have like 2 people which I consider friends, and they're not people I'd share secrets with, so are they really friends? It is also very tiring to talk in general. But even someone like me actually GOT something out of her advice, which is super rare. After you start doing those things, it feels like life is waaaaaaay brighter. Like when you were a kid, and you just felt happy for no reason, and colors looked more vivid? That. Games with my sister, karaoke, running errands with my dad, deep cleaning, those everything showers, going to the mall for no reason, and getting out of the house for the sole purpose of petting street cats. It feels like rediscovering fun. So, yeah. Go ahead and go on some side quests as well. Hell, encourage others to try that to.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph, I need some advice. I've been feeling lonely since I'm never invited anywhere by anyone who I thought were friends. Granted, I'm not an extrovert but I do put effort in keeping up friendships and I don't think anyone actively dislikes me. It's just that I'm probably not interesting enough to be invited. It's just that I'm never interested in the standard things people are. How do I make good friends in person when I don't really have $$ to go out often and live far away from most ppl?

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

Oh gosh, I'm probably the worst person to give advice about this on, given that I am genuinely convince 95% of the people in my live actively dislike me and I'm constantly feeling like no one wants too spend time with me, LOL. So if ANYTHING, I'm a kindred spirit who totally understands the struggle.

THAT SAID, it's probably MORE likely that they just don't KNOW that you're interested in going or doing things... some people assume things about people like us that since we're quiet we always want quiet, so yeah, it's probably just something as simple as "I should mention that I would like to do stuff with people". Perhaps mention it to your closest, most trusted friend that you may not be able to go to ALL the things, that you still appreciate the invite because to you it means that they were thinking of you *HUGS*

I genuinely wish I had better advice for you on this one... Other than mention that you'd like to talk once a week on the FaceTime or something. But people have told ME anyway, it's usually because they don't think I'd enjoy myself, LOL. Might be worth a shot.

Hope you're alright, Nonny 💜🖤