#Its sad and hard and scary and I don’t like it.

[stevie-petey]

episode one: the hellfire club

Robin waves her hands in the air as if to get Steve’s voice away from her. “Ew! Gross, don’t say boobies–” “Boobies! It’s not a big deal–” You make a face. “It isn’t the most pleasant word.” “Oh, c’mon. You like boobies, Robin likes boobies, and we all know I love your boobies specifically–ow!”  You hit the back of Steve’s head with annoyance to get him to stop talking about your boobs. While he winces in pain and rubs his tender head, you turn towards Robin. “What my darling boyfriend is trying to say is that everyone likes boobs, and Vickie definitely likes them too.” 

Summary: el writes to you as if youre her husband away at war, you debate the intricate nature of liking boobies with robin and steve, lucas is your beloved while eddie munson is your sworn enemy, steve accidentally exposes your (horribly hidden) daddy issues, dustin is an angsty teen, and jonathan really loves to drop emotional bombshells on you. can you believe this all happens in one day ? lol cheers to senior year !

Rating: general, some swearing

Warnings: swearing, fem!reader, use of y/n, mentions of abuse, allusions to bullying, trauma lol

Words: 13.5k (wrote half of this in one day)

Before you swing in: SHES HERE !!!! SEASON 4 !!! this season terrifies me. i spent so much time outlining and making sure it was perfect. i have some changes i want to do, some ideas, and its scary because we dont have season 5 yet and i hate messing with canon ,,, alas: here she is. my baby. my beloved. quick fun fact: theres a scene in here ive had planned since season 1 so .... enjoy !

–

March 21st, 1986.

Dear Y/N,

Congratulations on New York University! Joyce tells me that it is a very good college, and everyone was extremely happy when Jonathan told us the news. He even had a smile on his face! It has been a very long time since I have seen him smile, especially without that weird smell on him (am I allowed to tell you about the strange plants that Jonathan seems to like now? He says that you cannot find out about it, but friends don’t lie and he is your bestest friend). 

I asked Will about it, and he says that Jonathan now smells because he misses you. If you ask me, I think that Jonathan smells because he is scared. We are still waiting for his college letter, afterall. I know you want to go to school with him, but so does Nancy. Is it possible to go to two colleges? Anyways, it must be a lot of pressure, even more with all the waiting we have to do, but Joyce told us that sometimes colleges take a long time to respond. 

While I am positive that Jonathan will figure it all out soon, he pretends he does not care. But he is a very bad liar. He was very upset that Nancy could no longer visit us in California. Will was bummed too, but he was more sad that it was not you who was visiting. Joyce says that the Byers boys were born to miss you, and I think she is right. 

I also miss you. I am still bummed I never went to school with you. I bet Mike is over the moon to have you with him for high school, Dustin and Lucas also. How is Max? Is she still sad? I know school has been hard for her. I will admit that it is hard for me, too. While I am good at maths, and my grammar is getting better, I am still unsure when to use conjunctions or why Angela does not like me. Will tells me to ignore her, but I want to be her friend. She is nice to everyone else. It confuses me that she is not nice to me.

A lot about California confuses me. The flowers here are different, and sometimes I forget that I cannot go and visit you. I miss the smell of Bookstrordinary (did I spell it right?) and your cookies. Please send more as soon as you can. Will and I are almost dying to taste them again! Mike says he will try to bring some on the plane, but I am scared he will be told no by those scary airplane people.

Speaking of Mike, he is coming to California this week! I am very excited to see him. It has felt like years, I think I am even going crazy. I have planned everything for his week here. Spring break will be extra special! It will be a fun distraction from Angela and school. This week I can pretend to be someone else, someone cool, and Mike will be very impressed. I know you tell me to always be myself, so I hope that I can make you happy by taking your advice on focusing only on the good. 

To prove I will focus on the good from here on out, here is a good things list: 

Mike is visiting!

Will has almost finished his painting. I am very curious to see what he has made. He is really talented, he shows me the drawings he sends you sometimes. 

You got into NYU! Is this the correct way to abbreviate? I am still working on conjunctions, but I think I am supposed to use the first letter of every word in the school’s name to shorten it. At least, that is what Joyce says. 

Jonathan’s new best friend, Argyle, will give us free pizza to celebrate Mike’s arrival. It is really good pizza. 

Tasting your cookies again. Fingers crossed Mike’s plan succeeds!

I am sure there is more, but I am too excited about this week and my mind is going very fast. I miss you tons, maybe even more than Will and Jonathan do. Please come visit us soon. Like Joyce says, the Byers boys were born to miss you. Although I am not a Byers boy, I am still a part of the Byers family, and I miss you. 

Love, El.

P.S., thank you for the grammar books. I will be sure to become the best writer ever in California. 

–

Sweet, gentle, El. You can almost hear her voice, reading aloud to you as you used to do when she lived in Hopper’s cabin. She would stumble over the letters, ask you how to sound out particularly difficult words in Spider-Man comics; they helped her learn how to read. Now, almost a year later, she’s writing you letters. 

El has grown up so much within such a short few months, although it doesn’t surprise you.

Laughing softly as you reread the final line she’s written, you wipe your eyes and place El’s letter onto your desk. The piece of paper joins the others, nestled gently with a pile of her other letters that are housed on your desk. El sends you a new letter every week, detailing silly stories about Jonathan and Will or concerned ramblings about Angela.

The letters make you miss El terribly. They make you miss everyone terribly. 

Next to the letters are drawings from Will. He’s become such an artist during his time in California. He sends you beautiful sketches of landscapes in their neighborhood, doodles from class, and incredibly detailed drawings of you and the party. The drawings are Will’s special way to keep in contact with you, and it’s something you cherish so deeply. However, you didn’t know that he was working on a painting, and you’re curious to see what El is talking about. Eventually he’ll reveal his art to you, he always does.  

Skimming a finger over one of the more recent drawings from Will, your hand catches on the walkman that lays next to it. Jonathan’s messy handwriting is scrawled on the mixtape that sits within it.

For bug.

The words, familiar and loved, stare back at you. The mixtape contains songs that Jonathan so carefully chose for you. He spent countless hours selecting songs that he knew you’d love, songs that reminded him of you. It had been his gift for you before he moved away. And now he’s gone, and you miss him so much more than you ever thought you would. More than you ever thought you could miss anyone.  

Jonathan never did end up coming to Hawkins for spring break. 

“Dusty, what’s going on in there?” The sound of your mother pounding on Dustin’s door breaks you from your thoughts. “You’re gonna be late.”

“Don’t come in, I’m naked!” You hear the boy screech back at her, which you roll your eyes at. Steve will be here to pick you guys up any minute. Dustin knows he should be ready by now, the schedule has never changed. 

Throwing on the cardigan Steve got you for Christmas last year, you grab your walkman and storm over to Dustin’s room. At the same time, your mother nearly crashes into you in the hall. Her face is pale, horrified of the idea that she almost saw her son naked, and you pity the woman. Dustin has become relentless lately, even more difficult to deal with. 

“Y/N, my dear,” your mother clutches at her chest and fans her face. “Can you please make sure your brother is ready? I think that boy is trying to give me a heart attack.”

You sigh, figuring you would have to do so anyways. “Yeah, sure. Go finish getting ready, I’ll handle him.”

“This is why you’re my favorite daughter!” Your mother kisses your cheek before running off towards the kitchen to make her morning coffee. 

Once she’s gone, you immediately start banging on Dustin’s door. He knows you hate being late. Plus, it’s the Friday before spring break. You’re getting antsy waiting for this week to end. “Dustin Henderson, you have three seconds before I kick this door down.”

“Not now, Y/N!” Dustin shouts back, frantic and desperate. 

You narrow your eyes. He’s using his suspicious voice, the one he only uses when he’s doing something he absolutely shouldn’t be doing. Glancing down at your watch and noting the early hour, you curse in disbelief. “It’s not even seven yet, what the hell are you up to so early in the morning?”

“Nothing! Just go away, I’ll be out soon–”

“I swear, if you’re trying to sell my limited edition comics again I will hurt you.” You throw your body against the door, causing it to fly open as you stumble inside. Dustin is at his computer and he nearly falls off his chair in his haste to cover the screen from you. He’s remarkably horrible at playing cool. You’re about to tell him this when Suzie’s voice crackles through his radio’s speakers. 

“Yikes, Dusty.”

“Suzie?” You walk over to your brother and shove his hands off the computer screen. He falls to the ground with a loud thud, which pleases you. He may be a teenager now, but you’re still stronger than him. At least for now. “Why are you calling her right now–” Your eyes land on the screen and you recognize Hawkins High’s familiar orange and green school colors. “Is this the student gradebook?”

“No!” Dustin exclaims, but Suzie’s small and soft voice responds, “Yes.”

“Oh my God,” you cannot believe he’s making his girlfriend hack into your school’s database. Sure, she’s a genius, but you also know she’s incredibly religious. “Dustin, this is so illegal and goes against, like, all of Suzie’s religious morals–”

“I will repent later.” Suzie interrupts you, and you raise your eyebrows at what she’s just said. Before you can question her, Dustin’s computer refreshes. 

He leans forward, eyes scanning to see if they’ve succeeded, and he seems to like what he sees. Suddenly Dustin lets out a sudden whoop and fist bumps the air. “God, I love you Suzie.”

Curious, you lean over and read the screen as well. There, where you know Dustin had a D- in Latin not even a day ago, is now an A. There’s no possible way he was able to raise his grade in under twenty-four hours. He sucks at Latin, he hates it, which means… She did it. Suzie changed his grade. All she had to do was press one single button to save Dustin’s GPA. 

You have to admit, it’s impressive. And shamefully genius. 

“Hey, Suzie.” You bring the radio to your lips, shoving Dustin away when he tries to take it from you. “Do you think you could change my grade in calculus? Jonathan was the only reason I passed any of my other math classes.”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Suzie’s voice raises a pitch, she doesn’t want to tell you no. She likes you, she really does, but her God figurine stares down at her with a disappointed look in his eyes. She’s sinned for love, but she doesn’t think she could ever do it again. 

You’re about to plead with Suzie, tell her NYU really prioritizes their student’s grades, but the sound of a car honking outside catches your attention; it’s Steve. Dustin yanks the radio from your hand and shoos you away. “Go, leave without me.”

“What, why? We always drive together.” You frown, feeling like a little kid when you cross your arms. Dustin smiles apologetically, a smile you’ve become familiar with. Your mood darkens, anger rises to your cheeks. You know exactly why Dustin is now skipping out on you. “Don’t tell me it’s that stupid Eddie Munson–”

“He wants me and Mike to work out some campaign details before lunch today!” Dustin scrambles to mediate. He hates that you don’t like Eddie, and you like everyone. It’s unnerving how much disdain you seem to carry for his friend. “Nance is driving us, but I swear I’ll ride with you and Steve after break!”

You scoff at Dustin, not at all believing his promise to you. Ever since September your brother has been at Eddie Muson’s beck-and-call, who dictates everything Dustin says or does. At first it was innocent enough, choosing to sit with the guy instead of you at lunch. Skipping out on a few weekend plans with you and Steve to campaign with Eddie. You’d been happy for Dustin. He was making new friends, no longer your little shadow; he was his own person with his own priorities and interests now.

But ever since getting into NYU last week, Dustin has been pulling away even more from you. You don’t know why, but he’s become even more obsessed with Eddie and his stupid Hellfire club. 

Eddie Munson is the air your brother now breathes, stifling the air Dustin once breathed for you.

And it seems to only be suffocating you, not him.

“Yeah, whatever.” Halfheartedly you ruffle Dustin’s hair, and he leans into the touch. You don’t want him to know his repeated absences are upsetting you. Deep down, you know you’re being irrational. You’re almost eighteen, soon you won’t even be living under the same roof as Dustin. He’s allowed to live his own life. “I guess I’ll see you at the pep rally. Tell Suzie I said bye, please?”

Dustin nods, though you don’t linger in the doorway like you desperately want to. Instead, you shut the door behind you and place a swift kiss to your mother’s cheek as you leave. 

Steve’s car is parked in its usual spot at the end of the driveway. The teen’s arm hangs out the window and his face breaks into a smile when he sees you approaching. Steve’s smile is infectious, it’s always charmed you, and it settles the ache in your chest from your brother’s earlier dismissal. Feeling a smile spread across your own face, you run towards Steve and poke your head through the open window.

“Hi,” you breathe out, nose almost bumping against his cheek.

“Hi, angel.” Steve kisses you, solidifying your morning tradition. Neither one of you really remembers who started it, but sometime during the school year you began to slip your head through Steve’s car window so that he could kiss you slow and sweet. 

And, as tradition follows, Robin starts boos. “Do you have to do that every morning?”

Steve makes a face at her and she punches his arm. He yelps in pain and you roll your eyes at the two of them before running over to the passenger’s side where Robin sits. Her window is rolled down as well and you duck your head inside. “Aw, Robin. If you wanted a kiss, you could’ve just said so!” 

“A kiss–?” Your lips press against Robin’s cheek, smushing against her face while making a dramatic sound. She squeals and pushes you away, wiping her now wet cheek in disgust. “That is not what I wanted.”

You giggle at her and finally get into the car. It’s getting late, you see the assortment of Robin’s limited makeup dumped into her lap haphazardly. She’s been stressing about this morning’s pep rally all week, and clearly she isn’t coping very well. Trying to cheer her up, you flick her shoulder. “I’ll have you know that my cheek kisses are cherished in Hawkins.”

“How many people’s cheeks are you kissing?” Steve turns in his seat to face you, slightly alarmed. Then, noticing that there’s only one Henderson in his car, he frowns. “And where’s little Henderson?”

“Eddie Munson.”

“Woah, wait, you mean Eddie as in where Dustin is, right? Not, like, you’ve been kissing his cheek? I’m right, right? Please tell me I’m right.”

You roll your eyes fondly at Steve while Robin rolls hers in displeasure. “Just drive, Steve.”

–

It becomes pretty apparent five minutes into the car ride that no one seems to be having a good morning. Robin has spent the majority of the drive applying and reapplying her mascara while messing with her hair. She groans every time she looks in the mirror and her eyes lack their usual brilliance. 

Meanwhile, Steve has been complaining about yet another fight with his dad. Apparently they argued during breakfast, something that has become a common occurrence in the Harrington household. 

“The asshole again reminded me that I’m turning twenty soon. As if I don’t already know that! I mean,” Steve laughs in exasperation. “For weeks now he’s been asking me what my plans are, as if working at Family Video just isn’t good enough for him. As if my dad isn’t the sole reason I had to get a lousy minimum wage job in the first place!” 

“Family Video isn’t a lousy job–”

“Yes it is.” Both Steve and Robin say at the same time, which you sigh at. Can’t really argue with that. 

“Okay, yeah. It’s pretty lousy.”

Steve rubs his eyes tiredly. “And that isn’t even the worst part. There I was, pouring syrup over my pancakes, trying to enjoy the fact that my parents are actually home for once, when my asshole of a father tells me that if I don’t have a respectable job by the time I’m twenty, he’ll kick me out. I mean, can you believe that?” 

You suck in a breath. “Steve…”

Richard Harrington is a cruel, awful man. 

While you understand his frustrations towards Steve, it’s completely unreasonable to expect him to get a reputable job in a few short months without any college education. Steve’s right, it had been Richard’s idea to make him work at Scoops Ahoy in the first place. When the mall burned down, he had no other option but to work at Family Video soon after. 

“I’m sorry, honey.” You intertwine your fingers through Steve’s hair and rub your thumb up and down the nape of his neck in a soothing manner. Steve allows the touch, but he’s still tense. Guessing that he’s uncomfortable feeling so pitied, you try to make light of the situation with humor. “But hey, who knows? Maybe you can come live with me in New York if he ends up kicking you out.”

Steve risks a look at you, taking his eyes off the road for a few moments, and his eyes shine. He’s ecstatic over what you’ve just said. He looks like a little kid on Christmas Eve. “You really mean that?”

“Well, I mean…” It had mostly been a joke, a throwaway comment to try and get him to smile. But Steve’s body finally relaxes under your touch and you can’t tell him no. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“You hear that, Robin?” Steve preens, wanting to get her attention. However, when he realizes that she hasn’t been listening to the entire conversation, he makes an offended sound. “Robin, are you listening to me?”

“Uh, yes?” Her eyes meet yours in the mirror, startled that she’s been caught. “You were-uh. Talking to Y/N about your dad. We-we hate him! Yeah, we hate the guy. He really… grinds my gears?”

Steve groans. “We all hate my dad, but that wasn’t what I was talking to you about!”

“Cut me some slack, please. Your relationship with your father is one of labyrinthine complexity–”

You poke your head between the two teens. “Actually, it’s not that complicated.”

Robin covers your mouth with her hand and continues with her rant. “It’s seven in the morning, we have the stupid pep rally, and I woke up looking like a total corpse!” 

“I think you look lovely as always, Robin.” You mumble through the girl’s hand, barely coherent.

Steve, however, isn’t as supportive. “You’re worried about a pep rally? You really expect me to believe that?”

“Yeah, so?” Robin removes her hand from your mouth and goes back to doing her makeup. She’s avoiding the conversation now, which only means that Steve is onto something. Why has she been so obsessed about this week’s pep rally? Robin has been in band for years now, she’s done a million pep rallies during her high school career. It can’t be performing that makes her nervous. 

Which means it has to be about someone. 

Locking eyes with Steve, he seems to be thinking what you are. “I think we all know what this is about, okay? Y/N and I aren’t buying that bullshit.”

“This is about Vickie.” You finish for him, a smirk on your face. For weeks now Vickie has been all Robin has talked about. Her hair, how pretty her smile is, how cute her freckles are. Vickie also happens to be in band with Robin. “C’mon, you can’t tell us we’re wrong.”

“I absolutely can tell you you’re wrong.” Robin denies what you and Steve are implying.

Steve shakes his head. “You know we’re right! And you know what else we think?”

“I really don’t care–”

“Y/N and I think that you gotta stop pretending to be someone else when you’re around her, okay? You just gotta be yourself.”

Robin doesn’t want to hear any of this. At least not from you and Steve. “You guys are biased, you do realize that?”

“What do you mean?” You’re practically laying across Steve’s car console in order to be a part of the conversation. “I think we’re objective people.”

“You’re telling me that all I have to do is be myself and Vickie will want to date me?”

You frown. “Yeah? What’s wrong with that?”

Robin throws her head back. “Because it took Steve months to ask you out. Mind you, this was when you were already in love with the guy! And he knew you were in love with him!”

“Okay, hey–” Steve doesn’t at all like what she’s insinuating. He didn’t necessarily know you were already in love with him, he just… had a small hunch. 

“I’m not done,” Robin holds her hand up. “All Steve had to do was man up and admit his feelings for you. He didn’t have to agonize over whether or not it’d blow up in his face. There was no risk, no danger, no world ending consequences. I mean, if you had rejected him then maybe Steve’s ego would’ve been bruised. But if I ask out the wrong girl? Bam! I’m a town pariah.”

“This is true,” you reluctantly agree. While you could never envision a world where you’d ever say no to Steve, you also recognize that the world where you somehow do wouldn’t be the same world as Robin’s. Things are different for her, whether you like it or not. Robin has to live with this knowledge, and her conversation with you about luck and love from last summer echoes in your mind. 

Steve places a hand on his chest, betrayed. “Whose side are you on, Y/N?”

“True love’s side.”

Robin snorts and Steve doesn’t bother to hide his smile. He wants to tease you for being a hopeless romantic, but now isn’t the time. Instead, he continues the previous conversation. “True love aside, we can’t ignore that Vickie is definitely not the wrong girl.”

“Oh, she definitely isn’t straight.” You agree.

“We don’t know that!” Robin quickly sprays some breath freshener in her mouth and gags, which you cringe at. Vickie is one lucky girl if Robin ever manages to become her girlfriend. 

Steve doesn’t let up, he’s convinced he has it all figured out. “She returned Fast Times paused at fifty-three minutes, five seconds.”

“The bikini scene, mind you.” You butt in, and Steve nods eagerly.

“And you know who pauses Fast Times at fifty-three minutes, five seconds? People who like boobies, Robin!” 

Robin waves her hands in the air as if to get Steve’s voice away from her. “Ew! Gross, don’t say boobies–”

“Boobies! It’s not a big deal–”

You make a face. “It isn’t the most pleasant word.”

“Oh, c’mon. You like boobies, Robin likes boobies, and we all know I love your boobies specifically–ow!” 

You hit the back of Steve’s head with annoyance to get him to stop talking about your boobs. While he winces in pain and rubs his tender head, you turn towards Robin. “What my darling boyfriend is trying to say is that everyone likes boobs, and Vickie definitely likes them too.” 

Robin can’t even look at the two of you, appalled by how many times the word “boobies” has been uttered during the duration of the conversation. You can’t blame her, the word has practically lost all meaning for you as well.

Steve, however, can’t seem to get enough of it. “It’s boobies!” He exclaims again to no one in particular.

You and Robin lock eyes, and then, without saying anything, your hand covers Steve’s mouth while Robin flicks his forehead, effectively putting the boob conversation to an end. 

– 

The moment Steve’s BMW slows in front of the school, Robin throws the door open and rushes out with a quick “see you later!” to you as she runs to follow after her bandmates. Steve waves weakly as she goes and sighs in disappointment.

“She’s never talking to Vickie, is she?”

“Not a chance,” you sigh as well, watching as Robin’s figure disappears in the crowd of students. Spring break looms over the student body, everyone buzzes with excitement over their week of freedom and tonight’s basketball game. The pep rally in just a few short minutes only adds to the exhilaration. Leaning forward, your lips graze against Steve’s. “Anyways, see you tonight?”

He bridges the gap between your lips, skin meets skin and warmth floods your stomach. “Of course, angel. I love you.”

“I love you, too, honey.” And with one last kiss, you exit Steve’s car and make your way towards the school. As always, Steve waits until you’re safely on the sidewalk before he pulls away and heads towards Family Video. He’s started picking up morning shifts to fill the time he isn’t with you.

On your way inside, you see Ms. Kelly talking to Max near the buses. The conversation is short, doesn’t last much longer than a few seconds, and when Max turns away you notice Ms. Kelly’s patient smile drop. Clearly Max still isn’t being cooperative when it comes to their sessions. She promised you she would start trying, but Max Mayfield has always been stubborn and you’ve always been slightly overbearing.

Not the best combination, honestly.

With a sigh, you make a mental note to ask Max about what the counselor talked to her about later. There’s too much going on this morning to focus on it, and you’re already pushing Max by having her attend the pep rally anyways. Originally she had wanted to skip it and hide in the stairwell, but after begging her about it, Max finally agreed.

The conversation can wait. For now, at least she’ll be next to you in the bleachers alongside the boys to cheer on Lucas.

The thought was enough to brighten your mood a little, but it quickly became a pain in the ass to corral the party into sitting together. It took you almost fifteen minutes to find Mike and Dustin in the mass of students heading into the gym. You’re not necessarily sure how it took so goddamn long given the fact that Mike towers over half of the students anyways. He’s grown freakishly tall since starting freshman year. It unnerves you. 

While his towering height annoys you, Mike likes that he can finally, literally, look down on you. 

“There you guys are!” You grab the back of Mike’s shirt and he lets out a startled yelp. Dustin stumbles back as well, and an annoyed sophomore glares at the three of you. Ignoring her, you grab your brother’s shirt and start dragging the two boys towards the bleachers. “Thought we agreed on meeting at the water fountain that squirts water in your face?”

“I thought it was the library?” Dustin gives you an odd look. “Wait, is there even a water fountain in the library?”

“You amaze me.” You remark, not even bothering to answer his question. He listens like a bag of rocks. Mike just allows you to pull him, not at all contributing to the conversation.

Max waits for you in the bleachers. She’s saved you seats, something that you feel slight relief over. The simple gesture is small, but it sparks just enough hope within your chest to make you exhale softly. Hope that she’s getting better. Hope that she’s finally trying again.

Thanking Max, you and the others fill the seats as the gym quickly fills with more and more students until it threatens to overflow. The roar of the crowd is nearly deafening. Across from the bleachers resides the marching band. They’re playing the school’s anthem as the cheerleaders start their routine. Chrissy Cunningham leads them, her smile lovely and beautiful, she shines so brightly upon the crowd that you can’t help but fall in love with her.

In the midst of the cheerleaders’ twists and flips, Robin manages to catch your eye from across the room.

You eagerly wave at her and mime playing the trumpet, copying her movements as she actually plays one. Robin laughs, and next to her is a girl with fiery red hair who laughs as well. She’s pretty, you’ve heard countless sonnets about her red hair and dotted freckles. Knowing the girl is Vickie, you point at her as you wink at Robin, who scoffs and goes back to playing the trumpet. 

Next to you, you catch the tail end of some bizarre conversation between Mike and Dustin.

“Look, I’m not saying that my girlfriend is better than yours.” Dustin is clarifying, glaring at you when he hears your sarcastic snort. “It’s just that Suzie’s, like, a certified genius.”

Mike crosses his arms, looking towards you as if somehow this is all your fault. “Your brother realizes that El saved the world twice, right?”

“Admittedly that is hard to beat,” you shrug. “That, and she has cool powers.”

Dustin points a finger at the two of you. “And yet Mike still has a C in Spanish while you’re barely passing calculus.”

Mike rolls his eyes and you shrug again. Your brother isn’t necessarily wrong either. El’s saved the world, Suzie has saved his GPA. Both are nearly impossible feats. “Touchy subject, but touché.”

“And what can your boyfriend do, Y/N?” Mike asks, now bringing the attention to your love life.

“He’s good with a bat.”

Both Dustin and Mike groan, but you shush them when the school’s broadcaster announces the Tigers basketball team. Applause breaks out across the bleachers and you notice Max looking around for Lucas. Though she tries to hide it, you can see the interest and excitement in her eyes. She’s happy for him, but it breaks your heart that she feels that she can’t show it.

Jason Carver, captain of the basketball team and former Scoops Ahoy patron before Steve spilled ice cream all over his pants, runs out first. The crowd goes wild, but you don’t start cheering until you see Lucas. He’s smiling wide, proud to be a part of the team. You scream as loud as you can for him, he’s come so far since confessing to you about wanting to join the team earlier this year. As Jason starts his speech, dramatic as he always is, Lucas sees you in the bleachers and waves shyly, a blush creeping across his face. Then, seeing Max next to you, his confidence seems to grow as he waves more enthusiastically at her. 

The moment is sweet, it makes you smile. 

Except Max doesn’t wave back. She crosses her arms, pretends she hasn’t seen him, and your smile drops alongside Lucas’. 

You know they’ve been having some trouble recently. With Max pulling away more and more each day, Lucas struggled to hold onto the fading girl. Despite his pleas and reassurances, Max still seems to be icing him out. According to Dustin, they broke up almost a month ago now. 

But they’ve always had a tumultuous relationship, long before nightmares and monsters darkened everything. The news hadn’t worried you at first, you thought it was simply another one of their weekly breakups over something small, innocent. Afterall, they were just kids when they first started dating. Their breakups were always childish, though endearing, and always temporary. 

Now, you’re scared that this time it’s permanent. 

You’re not sure what that means for Max. She already has so few people left in her life to tether her. Billy died, her mother works two jobs and is never home anymore, El is in California, and you and Lucas are breaking skin trying to claw onto whatever small hold you have left of the girl.

Another loud cheer from the crowd breaks you from your thoughts. Jason must’ve just said something important, something worthy enough of a roaring reaction. He’s always been popular in Hawkins, Steve used to complain about him to you back when he was still on the team. But when Steve graduated and Billy died, Hawkins High had needed a new King to crown.

Jason Carver was more than happy to ascend the throne. 

“Chrissy, I love you, babe.” Everyone awes and you see Chrissy blow Jason a kiss. It’s sweet, you suppose. They fit together nicely, head cheerleader with the star of the basketball team, and they seem genuinely happy. Chrissy’s shy and kind demeanor balances Jason’s loud and charismatic boldness. They truly are a good match. 

“I think I can speak for all of us when I say it’s been a tough year for Hawkins.” Jason continues his speech, the room is eerily silent as everyone listens with baited breath. “So much loss…” The gym almost exhales simultaneously, remembering all the people who died last summer.

Your own breath exhales, and beside you Max tenses. Billy’s ghost floats through your minds, in through hers and out through yours. Hopper’s own ghost follows after him, only he doesn’t haunt Max the way he haunts you. He lingers over you, his final words to you engraved into your skin. 

You’re the best of them.

“And sometimes I wonder, how much loss can one community take?”

Enough to fill a mall of burning bodies, you think bitterly. 

Jason paces the gym’s floor now, he almost seems to glow before the crowd. He rambles on about needing something to believe in. That everyone should be doing something to honor all the lives lost in July, that playing basketball can absolve all the despair. As if it can bring them back.

Deep below your ribcage, nestled right underneath your scar and just in front of your stomach, rests a pit of anger that always simmers. You were born with it, it has always followed you. It has grown with you, the anger almost possessed your body when your dad left. Now, hearing Jason recite all the names of the ones who died that Fourth of July, the anger’s low simmer heats into a soft boil. 

You try to quell it. Jason means well, he’s only trying to uplift the community in a passionate, albeit uncomfortably pastor-y way. He’s only doing what he knows best; he’s being a leader. In another life, one where Demogorgons never harmed you, you think you would’ve really admired Jason and his resilience. 

“Think of Billy,” Your breath stills, yet your hand instinctively finds Max’s. She turns away from you, but the room is spinning and you can’t remember how to inhale. But Jason keeps going. “Think about our heroic police chief, Jim Hopper.”

Next to you, in your haze of grief and panic, you think you can feel Mike and Dustin shift uncomfortably. Grief sinks her claws into the kids, and you want nothing more than to puncture Jason’s lungs with them. 

This was supposed to be a pep rally for the Tigers, it was supposed to be joyous, an opportunity to bring Max out of her shell. To distract her from the hell that she calls her life. The entire school knows what happened to Billy, they know that he had a little sister named Max Mayfield.

You hate Jason Carver.

But you’re here for Lucas. Today is about him. He’s finally happy, he’s smiling again. The least you can do is swallow down the anger and grief and hope that you don’t end up choking on them later. That they don’t strangle you in your dreams.

“And now tonight, we’re gonna bring home the championship trophy!” Jason screams into the mic, erupting a volcanic roar from the stadium. People throw paper into the air, whistling and jumping up and down at the prospect of Hawkins High finally winning a championship.

“Tonight?” Dustin’s agonized exclamation causes you to jump. He looks at you, bewildered and panicked. “How is that possible?”

Your heart still hasn’t steadied from the surge of fury Jason evoked. Swallowing once again, you clear your throat and shake your head at your brother. “What, you guys didn’t know about the game tonight?”

“They call it a tournament,” Max explains for you, figuring you need some time to clear your head. You squeeze her hand appreciatively. “You win one game, you go on until there’s only one team left.”

Mike and Dustin exchange frightened looks, and you eye them suspiciously. “Did you guys really not know? I thought Steve explained all of this to you already. Why is it such a big deal, anyways? I mean–wait,” the boys won’t meet your gaze. They avoid facing you, Mike stuffs his hands into his pockets and Dustin pretends to read someone’s poster. 

You know the fearful look on their faces. It’s the same look Dustin gave you this morning when he ditched you to ride with Nancy and Mike. 

Goddamn Eddie Munson. 

“Oh, don’t you guys dare.” They wouldn’t. They wouldn’t fucking dream of missing one of Lucas’ games for a stupid club centered around some guy with enormous ego problems. “I swear to God, if you two skip the game tonight–”

“We won’t! I-I mean… Well. It’s, uh. It’s complicated” Dustin gulps, elbowing his way through the crowd of departing students as the pep rally ends. Mike follows, ready to step in at any moment, while Max slips away before you can stop her. Seeing how contorted your body is from anger, Dustin tries to appease you. “Look, I can’t promise anything, alright? Eddie is… Eddie.”

You’re about to scream some very choice words about that curly haired emo asshole, but Lucas intercepts the group and joins you guys. He looks between you, Mike, and Dustin, sensing some underlying tension. “What about Eddie?”

Mike quickly explains, and the more he talks, the more you want to shove your knives down Eddie’s throat. It’s one night, one goddamn night, and here Mike and Dustin are, almost shitting their pants at the idea of missing one Hellfire meeting to support their friend. While it’s unfortunate that all of this is happening on the same night, and though you recognize how long a campaign can take and how much the game means to the party, for once you can’t bring yourself to understand Dustin’s side. 

A championship game versus one single campaign meeting that can easily be done tomorrow instead.

Seems like a pretty easy decision to you. 

Lucas doesn’t understand why Mike and Dustin are so conflicted either. “I don’t get the big deal.” You’re all outside now, heading towards the main building for your classes. “Just talk to Eddie. Get him to move Hellfire to another night.”

You nod, agreeing with him, and Dustin rolls his eyes. “‘Just talk to Eddie.’”

“You can’t be serious right now,” your shoulder brushes harshly against the boy’s. You’re barely containing your anger right now. “Why does Eddie have such a strong hold over you guys? Hasn’t he repeated senior year twice now?”

“Why does that matter?” Mike looks at you as if you’re the scum of the earth that he just so happened to step on. “Why can’t Lucas just talk to his coach and get him to move the game?”

Dustin quips that he thinks Mike’s idea is a great one, but you shove between them and throw your hands in the air in annoyance. “You can’t possibly think that’s the same thing, right? A nationally organized game being postponed for a board game.”

Mike and Dustin both gasp at you, acting as if you’ve just threatened to kill a baby bunny in front of them, which only annoys you more. Sure, maybe you’re being a little mean right now, but you’re not appreciating how they’re treating Lucas. He’s never done anything to warrant this blatant disrespect from them. They’re refusing to see his side, too lost in their Eddie induced high. 

“DnD isn’t just a board game, Y/N! I’m honestly disappointed that you of all people would even say that. You’ve seen the intricacies of a campaign. You know I’ve spent all month now preparing for the end of Eddie’s campaign!” Dustin waves his hands in front of him, he’s in his own ecstasy of anger and annoyance, something innate in the Henderson bloodline. “A semester of adventuring has led to this moment, and we need Lucas.”

“Yeah, and the Tigers don’t.” Mike looks over at Lucas. “I mean, no offense, but you’ve been on the bench all year–shit!”

You swat the back of Mike’s head, the sound of his yelp satisfying and the sting of the hit soothes you. He looks at you, offended, and you just shake your head at him. “No, that was out of line and you know it.”

“One day I’m gonna be too tall for you to hit me, you know.” Mike scowls at you as he rubs his head. 

“And I’ll mourn the day when that happens,” you respond dryly before pointing at Lucas. “Now, apologize to him before I hit you again.”

Lucas lowers your finger and shakes his head. “It’s fine, Y/N. Me being on the bench isn’t the point, anyways.”

“Please, arrive at the point.” Your brother drops his head back and closes his eyes. He’s tired, he regrets even starting this conversation in the first place. The more the four of you talk, the angrier he can feel you become. Mike’s head may now be sore, but Dustin lives with you. If anyone here is in danger of your lecturing, it’s him.

“If I get in good with these guys, I’ll be in the popular crowd, and then you guys will be too.” Lucas explains, looking between Dustin and Mike as he urges them to understand, but they don’t. Mike claims that they don’t want to be popular, something that Lucas doesn’t believe. “What, you wanna be stuck with the nerds and freaks for three more years?”

“We are nerds and freaks!” Dustin exclaims, causing a few students in the hall to look at you guys. You wave at them awkwardly, you’re starting to regret following the boys. This conversation feels personal, like you shouldn’t be intruding. Though you think Lucas has every right to want a good high school experience, you also think Mike and Dustin deserve to have their own experiences as well. If they don’t want to be popular, then that’s their decision just as much as it’s Lucas’ to want to be. 

You step between the three boys, finally getting their attention. “Guys, no one here is necessarily right or wrong. Lucas has every right to want to be a part of the basketball crowd, and you two,” you raise your eyebrows at Mike and Dustin, “have every right to want to stick with Eddie’s crowd.”

Dustin sighs, “thanks, Y/N–”

“I’m not finished,” you hold a hand up and shush your brother. “What isn’t right, however, is abandoning one another. You guys are friends, and right now Lucas wants you at his game tonight to support him. Tonight is special, everyone will be there, and I want you guys there as well. I know high school is hard, but it’s even harder when you’re alone.”

“Says the girl who is adored by everyone in this shitty town.” Mike huffs, he can’t believe how hypocritical you’re being. “You’ve never had to deal with what we do. No one has ever laughed at you or tried to make you jump off a cliff just because you’re different.”

You clench your jaw. Dustin looks at you wearily, he doesn’t like what Mike is saying, but he also can’t help but agree with his friend. You haven’t ever been bullied. All your life you’ve blended in, stood out only when you were kind to others, admired for your selflessness, but never enough to be invited to parties or dumped behind a dumpster.

“Mike…” Your brother tries to pull him away from you, but you both stand your ground.

“You’re right, Wheeler. I don’t know what it’s like.” You stare up at the boy, and Mike’s expression softens only slightly. He’s just as stubborn as you are, it’s why the two of you admire the other so much. “But you forget that I’m Jonathan’s best friend. The creep, the loser, the psychopath. Kids may not have ever targeted me, but I’ve seen what they do to the people they hate.”

All the times you had to ice Jonathan’s bruised face. The nights you spent in his room holding him as he cried because Lonnie’s fists and Tommy’s cruel words were too much. The sneers, the stares Jonathan received because he was different. Quiet. Being your best friend hadn’t lessened the blows. 

For years you wish you could’ve done more for Jonathan. Now, presented with Lucas’ opportunity to befriend the crowd that once was so cruel to your friend, you refuse to lose it. “That’s why I don’t want Lucas skipping the game tonight.”

It’s silent for a few moments, all three boys don’t know what to say. Taking a deep breath, Lucas stands beside you and breaks the silence. “We came to high school wanting things to be different, right? Now we have that chance. Like Y/N said, if I skip tonight, that’s all out the window. So I’m asking you guys, as a friend, just talk to Eddie. Get him to move Hellfire.”

Lucas pauses, he wets his lips and looks between his friends again. He feels so small, pleading for their attention. “Come to my game. Please.”

The bell rings, ending the conversation, and Lucas spares one last look at Dustin and Mike before mumbling a soft goodbye to you. He leaves you alone with the boys, who in turn mirror conflicted expressions. 

“Shit!” Dustin kicks his foot out and looks at you. “This is all your fault, you know that?”

“What is?”

“Me having empathy. I hate this. Why couldn’t you have raised me to be an asshole?”

You snort at Dustin before pulling him into a weak hug. You only have a few more minutes before you need to get to class, you can’t stay very long, but you also don’t want to leave the boys without some semblance of comfort. “You’re too charming to be an asshole. Just… Come to the game, alright? Both of you. I’ll even make brownies if I have to. I just-I’ve missed you guys. This will be good for all of us.”

Mike ducks his head and Dustin sighs once more. Neither want to say anything else, so you reluctantly release your brother and leave them alone to wallow in their self-created misery. 

They’ll do the right thing. You’re sure of it.

– 

Lunch comes and Alex sits next to you. He started sitting with you at lunch just after winter break, and you’re endlessly grateful for him. You’re no longer alone, and he’s good company. A part of you regrets that it took the two of you three years to grow your friendship outside of Bookstrorindary. 

You’ll miss him when you graduate. 

Max is with Ms. Kelly today, a change in their usual meeting schedule of Tuesdays and Thursdays, meaning you had been right. She did skip their meeting yesterday and the counselor had to corner her this morning to schedule another one. 

“Be honest, how excited are you to move to New York this summer?” Alex asks you, taking a bite out of his carrot stick. You’ve come to learn that he has a weird obsession with the vegetable, always packing at least twelve of them every day. 

You pick at your own lunch, a wilted salad and sandwich your mom left for you this morning. “Honestly? It hasn’t really hit me yet. I mean, I only got in last week. I think my mind is still trying to catch up with reality.”

“Oh, c’mon. You can’t tell me you’re not at least a little excited.”

“Okay, okay,” you laugh and nudge the boy. “I’m a little excited. I just.. Haven’t really had time to think too much about it, you know? Between work, my brother, Steve, the kids, and…”

“Jonathan?” Alex finishes for you. He’s the only one who knows about how distant Jonathan has been. You’ve confided in him about how worried you are, about the phone calls while he’s high and the way Jonathan’s voice no longer sounds like his. 

You shove your lunch away, no longer hungry. “Yeah.”

“You guys call every Friday, right? Maybe tonight will be different!” Alex tries to cut through the tension that now corrodes your demeanor, which you smile at him gratefully for. 

“Yeah, who knows.” A piece of hair falls in your face and you push it behind your ear. Picking up your fork again, you attempt to finish your meal, but a sudden commotion interrupts the low buzz in the lunchroom. 

“As long as you’re into band, or science, or parties.” Eddie Munson sneers from the cafeteria table he’s standing on. He looks around the room as if everyone else is beneath him. Not worth his time just because they enjoy different things. Looking at Alex, you both sigh and prepare for whatever Eddie has to say today. His voice grows louder, shouting across the room towards the basketball team’s table. “Or a game where you toss balls into laundry baskets!”

Jason stands up and a few students whoop and cheer. “You want something, freak?”

Eddie sticks to fingers up behind his head as he creates little devil horns, snarling with his tongue out and hissing. Jason grimaces, you do too. 

“He’s a little much, isn’t he?” You say to Alex, relieved when Eddie starts to step down from the table. 

“He terrifies me.” Alex breathes out, not taking his eyes off Eddie in fear he’ll somehow cast a spell on him.

You laugh at your friend’s unnecessary fear. Eddie is harmless, Hellfire isn’t a demonic cult like some students at Hawkins seem to think. It really is just a club centered around a board game with impressive storytelling and detailed plotlines. From what Dustin has told you, Eddie truly is the best dungeon master in Indiana. 

And while you believe him, you can’t wrap your head around why your brother idolizes Eddie so much. The fascination runs deeper than just DnD. Dustin has spent almost every day of his freshman year wrapped around Eddie’s finger. He spends all his time with the teen now, rarely with you, but you’re not bitter. Of course you’re not. Dustin can have his own friends, you know this, but you also feel so… unneeded. 

Your little brother doesn’t need you anymore, and it’s a hard pill to swallow.

Truthfully, Alex’s question earlier about moving to New York in the summer sparked more than just your usual anxiety over Jonathan. It also reminded you that in only a few short months you’ll be in an entirely new state, a new city, far away from Dustin. 

“Y/N!” Dustin flies into the seat next to you, nearly upending the table itself with how violently he throws himself down.

Alex shrieks and you steady the table before anything can fall. Heart pounding, you clutch at your chest as your nerves settle. “Why must you always be so violent?”

“Because it’s fun,” Dustin responds, not even bothering to acknowledge Alex’s presence. Instead, his eyes are only on you, and there’s a crazed spark in them. He’s breathing heavily, frantic, and you dread where this is going. “Look, I need to ask you a huge favor.”

“Do you realize that this is the first time you’ve sat with me at lunch since the first day?”

He winces. “And I will repent every day for my horrendous sins. I promise, I just–Jesus you’re terrifying when you don’t blink.” Dustin removes his hat to fix his hair, a nervous tick of his. He’s stalling, he should’ve never come here. Gulping, he rips the band aid off. “I need you to sub for Lucas tonight.”

“I’m sorry?” You’re giving him an out, one chance to back down before you strangle him.

Only Dustin tightens the noose even more. “Please, Y/N! Eddie won’t move the campaign. He said something about sheep and-and finding subs because Mike and I are, uh. I guess the future of Hellfire and he needs us and did I mention how important this campaign is? It’s super cool, super gory and totally up your alley and–”

“No.”

“N-no?” Dustin practically deflates in front of you, the light in his eyes dies. 

You shove him away from you, you don’t want to look at his pathetic pouting. You’re so unbelievably hurt right now, so fucking infuriated. “You have spent every goddamn waking hour ass kissing Eddie. You haven’t so much as looked at me during lunch this entire year as if I’m a fucking plague. You’ve canceled plans, you’re hardly ever home, and now you expect me to abandon Lucas, someone who has spent time with me this year, someone who has made this entire year less lonely for me. Something, by the way, that you haven’t even noticed, all because you finally need me?”

Dustin’s mouth opens and closes, he doesn’t know what to say, but for once you don’t care. How could he possibly think you’d miss Lucas’ game tonight? You adore the boys, each and every one of them, and now Dustin expects you to just abandon one of them for the others? 

“You’re only here because it’s convenient for you.” You hiss, venom pouring from your voice. “For Eddie.” 

“Y/N…” Dustin’s voice breaks, he sounds like a little kid again, the baby brother you doted on your entire life. “Please.”

“No!” You scream at him. 

The word echoes throughout the cafeteria. A few students turn to you, some curious, some annoyed. Alex draws into himself, wishing he were anywhere but here right now. Dustin’s eyes widen, his skin pales, and you clamp your hand over your mouth, completely and utterly mortified. 

You’ve never, ever yelled at Dustin like this before. Not with so much malice, vitriol. 

You feel like you’re twelve again, your anger hurting your baby brother. 

Red hot with embarrassment and shame, you quickly get up from the table and flee the cafeteria. Dustin calls after you, but you stumble through the hallway towards the nearest bathroom. Tears burn your eyes, guilt wracks your body in painful thuds. 

By the time you lock yourself in the bathroom’s stall, your sobs have begun to claw their way out of your throat. Pressing your back against the wall, you sink to the ground and pull your knees into your chest as you finally allow yourself to cry.

Abandonment makes you cruel. Your father taught you that.

– 

You don’t see Dustin for the rest of the day. He’s missing Lucas’ game and you’re angry with him for that, but you also feel such an intense guilt over your outburst. You can’t stomach the thought of seeing him. 

School ends and Steve drives you to work. The shift will be a short one due to the championship game, and Steve is staying with you so that you can drive to the game together. However, the moment you get into his car, he notices the dried tears on your face and the redness in your eyes and immediately throws his arms around you. In between shaky breaths and cries, you explain what happened to Steve.

He soothes you, tells you that you can always talk to Dustin after tonight’s game. Right now you and your brother need space from one another, and you hate that Steve’s right. You’ll force Dustin into a code blue, you’re long overdue for one, anyways. He’s been acting weird for weeks now. Someone has to give in, you know this, and if it has to be you then you’ll do anything to get your brother back. 

For now, Steve holds your hand as he guides you through the crowd of people in the bleachers. They all cheer for Hawkins High, the energy in the gym is electric. Faces are painted, cheerleaders wave their pom-poms, and you’re wearing Steve’s old Tigers jersey. You’re not much for school spirit, but Steve almost crashed the car when he realized you were wearing the jersey, and you know Lucas will appreciate it too.

“Y/N, over here.” Steve’s hand falls onto the small of your back as he gently pushes you towards some open seats he’s found. You lean into his touch and sit beside him. With his body against yours, you try to immerse yourself in the joy from the crowd. 

The entire town is here tonight. Everyone is smiling, kids laugh and parents wave posters for their sons. Tonight will be a good night, you’ve decided this to be true. 

The national anthem is announced and everyone rises in their seats. When the broadcaster announces that Tammy Thompson will be singing, you and Steve look at each other incredulously. Laughter rises within you and you cackle when Robin finds the two of you in the crowd. There’s no way this won’t end in disaster. 

Tammy walks out, wearing a horrendous faux cowboy outfit, and almost immediately sings off-key. You cringe, ears stinging from the attack, and try desperately not to let out any laughter as she continues to butcher the song. 

Steve whispers over to Robin, “told you. Muppet.”

“Okay, she does sound like a muppet.” Robin agrees, which only makes it harder to contain your giggles. Tammy is worse than a muppet, she sounds like a goddamn muppet that broke into her dad’s alcohol stash. 

“You sound better, angel.” Steve whispers into your ear, breath warm against your skin. 

You lean back against him and smile sarcastically. “Anyone can sound better than her.”

Steve chuckles and you can’t help but join him. You know it’s rude, that Tammy is honestly not that bad, though definitely not good enough for Nashville, but you can’t help it. You can’t believe Robin ever had such a huge crush on the girl who now drones the national anthem like a dying parrot. 

In between breaths of laughter, you see Lucas looking up at the bleachers. His face is grim, he doesn’t see Mike or Dustin or Max. None of his friends showed up, and you watch him with sympathy. You can’t believe them. 

But then Lucas sees you, and he gives you a weak smile. Your attendance isn’t enough, you know it isn’t, but you hold up the poster you made for him and he laughs despite himself. 

The game starts, and from the moment the whistle is blown, it’s intense. The Tigers are neck and neck with the Falcons. Steve tries to explain what’s happening throughout the game, but it all goes over your head. The energy in the room is intoxicating, though. You lean forward in your seat, you cheer when everyone else does, boo when you think you should.

“Carver just loves hogging the spotlight, doesn’t he?” Steve says with disdain as he watches Jason side sweep his teammates to score. 

You poke his side, you know he’s only saying this because he’s still bitter that Jaosn tried asking you out last summer. “Honey, your jealousy is showing.” 

Steve tries to deny this, but then a player gets injured during a foul from Falcon, causing you and Steve to both spew insults at the player. You have no idea what the foul even is, but you’re enjoying the chaos of the game.

In the midst of your uproar, you almost miss Lucas being sent into the game. You slap Steve’s chest repeatedly to get his attention, you almost don’t believe what you’re seeing. “Steve! Is that–”

“Sinclair!” He whoops, but he quickly scrambles to catch you as you nearly throw yourself off the bleachers in your blind excitement cheering. You’re screaming your head off, hardly even registering Steve’s hands on your waist. You’re incoherent and ecstatic, drunk on adrenaline. 

Lucas is playing.

The game only gets more brutal from there. The points even out, both teams neck and neck. Anxious, you squeeze Steve’s hand with anticipation. Everything happens so fast, Lucas plays so naturally with the others, as if he was born to be there. 

“Go, Tigers!” You jump up and down as Lucas runs after Jason. They’re doing a new play, attempting to score the tie breaker. Jason shoots, the ball hits off the backboard and onto the rim. Your breath catches, there’s only three seconds left on the clock. The ball falls, and there isn’t any time left.

Until Lucas catches the missed shot. He dribbles the ball, you clutch Steve’s hand, neither one of you utters a single word as Lucas makes the final shot. It’s an all or nothing throw, a risk, but he takes it anyways. The ball soars through the air, hits the rim. The buzzer sounds, the game is over, and the ball spins around the rim before finally sinking through the net.

Your chest burns as you violently cheer, Steve flings himself into your arms. You’re both jumping around, screaming together like little kids. “Hey did it!” You scream, and Steve shakes you in his arms with the biggest smile on his face.

“Sinclair did it!”

Down below, Lucas’ face lights up as the crowd goes wild for him. This is the happiest you’ve seen the kid in so long. The entire basketball team swarms Lucas, they lift him into the air and you cheer alongside them.

Steve tells you he’ll go warm the car up and you practically run outside to find Lucas as soon as the game is done. Your body buzzes, you’re still breathless with exhilaration. When you find Lucas, he’s just left the crowd of teenage boys. Wanting to surprise him, you creep up slowly before throwing your arms from behind him. “There’s the star!”

He stumbles from your weight, but he knows it’s you. Laughing, he turns around and you pull him into a bone crushing hug. “You came!”

“Of course I did, you moron!” You giggle, pulling away to straighten his jacket. “I made you a poster and everything.”

Lucas looks down at the poster that hangs by your side. His eyes light up, he remembers seeing it in the stands at the beginning of the game, but he hadn’t been able to read it from so far away. “Can I see it?”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t want to see it.” You unroll the poster and present it with a grand flourish. “Tada!” 

Sin to win, Sinclair!

You’re incredibly proud of the wordplay, and Lucas chuckles. It’s good, he has to admit. You’ve left no white space on the poster, littering with small 8’s for his jersey and millions of small stickers and decorations. The poster was made with love, and Lucas knows you spent hours making it.

“I love it, Y/N.” He does. It will hang on his wall as soon as he gets home.

You beam at him. Then, from behind you, you hear your brother’s own cheers as a door opens. Lucas’ smile fades, hurt creeps upon his face. Frowning, you turn and find Dustin and Mike high fiving their Hellfire friends as they all celebrate the end of their campaign. Erica is with them, cheering with everyone else. 

“Lucas…” Your breath gives out. He doesn’t deserve this. Tonight was supposed to be his night. You turn to him, wracking your brain to try and figure out what you’re even supposed to say at this moment. Fifty feet away Lucas’ close friends are celebrating a night without him, his sister overjoyed as well. They’ve forgotten about him.

For once, you can’t find the right words to say.

“Thanks for the poster, Y/N.” Lucas doesn’t want your sympathy. He leaves, crestfallen, and you’re left standing alone holding the poster he had been praising seconds ago. The late March air chills your bones. 

You’ve never been so disappointed in your brother before.

– 

Steve drives you home and you’re silent the entire time. 

“Dustin isn’t a bad kid, Y/N. You know that.” Steve tries to reason with you, but what your brother has done tonight leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. “I’m sure by tomorrow he’ll realize he was a jerk and apologize. He always does, he’s just being a stupid teen boy right now.”

You face the window, watching the trees fading into the distance. You know Steve is right, you know that Dustin is still growing up, making mistakes. Hell, no one is perfect at fifteen. When you were his age you were falling in love with your best friend as you hunted monsters together. Neither you or Jonathan or Nancy knew what the hell you guys were doing back then.

But this is different. Dustin has never betrayed his friends like this before. He, out of all of them, should understand the pain of being left behind. He spent half the summer upset that the party ditched him, and now he’s ditching Lucas?

“You know, I used to be a stupid teen boy.” Steve says, trying again to get you to say something. To look at him, at least.

It works, a small smile turns your lips. “I never knew.”

He laughs at the sarcasm in your voice, but he plays along anyways. “Oh, I totally was. I just hid it really well by, you know, making you hate me for a while by being annoying. But hey, look at me now! I’m still annoying, but at least I have it all figured out with you.”

“And what do you have figured out, honey?” You turn your head towards him, watch the street lamps illuminate his face.

Steve smiles. “Us. Our future. Sure, I may not know if I’ll ever get a better job, but I’m sure as shit staying with you, starting a life together so that I can annoy you for all eternity.”

“How romantic,” a giggle falls from your lips. You’ve been with Steve for nearly a year now, but you haven’t really talked about the future yet. At least not so intimately, with so much assurance that in the end it’ll be the two of you. “And where will we live, Romeo?”

“New York, obviously. As soon as you graduate, we’ll find some horrible, run down apartment that’s barely big enough for two people. We’ll move in, but there won’t be any air conditioning so we’ll almost murder each other in the heat. Everyone will hate the place, but we’ll love it.”

As Steve talks, the smile that had once been on your face begins to fade. He rambles on, not noticing the shift. He dreams up the plans, how he’ll stay home while you go to class. How he’ll fix the leaky faucet that will inevitably annoy everyone. Steve envisions himself waiting for you to come home after a long day of classes and falling into his arms. 

“Steve–” But he doesn’t hear you. He’s busy explaining how he’ll probably have to sell his car to afford the apartment, but that he doesn’t care, and you feel sick. It’s too much, he’s giving up too much. He’s willing to give up his entire life for you, drop everything and follow you without any questions asked. 

It’s what your mother did for your father. They met in college, both attending Purdue. Their relationship had been a whirlwind. Love at first sight, married as soon as they graduated, your father convinced your mom to follow him back to Virginia. To abandon her family and move two states over while pregnant with you. She didn’t know anyone in Virginia, her father moved them to a small town where only his name was known. 

The divorce that followed twelve years later ruined your mother’s life. She had been left all alone, no family to support her, no friends, in a state she never grew up in.

And now Steve wants to do the same for you.

Raising your voice slightly, you try to interrupt him again. “Steve!”

“What?” He looks over at you, words finally dying. “Do you want to keep the car?”

“You… you can’t.” 

Steve frowns. “I can’t what?”

Your hands shake. Your heart trembles. Your words die in your throat. There’s so much you want to say, you can feel the pit in your stomach build into a fist. You can’t let Steve do this. He doesn’t understand that he deserves more than this. “You-you can’t come to New York.”

Everything stills. You don’t dare to breathe, to disrupt the silence. Your words come out all wrong, you know they do, but they’re out in the open and Steve doesn’t look at you as he pulls into your driveway. Silent, he turns the car’s engine off.

“Y/N…” Steve still can’t look at you. He places his hands on the steering wheel, as if bracing himself for whatever will unfold tonight. He’s scared, he doesn’t understand what he’s done wrong. His mind flashes, and for a brief second he’s back at the Halloween party and you’re Nancy in his passenger seat. “Do you not see a future with me?”

“I do!” You sit up in your seat, reach over to touch Steve’s thigh. You need to feel him, to ground yourself to him. Everything about this feels wrong. As if you’re hanging over the edge of a chasm with a long, long fall. “God, of course I see a future with you, I just-this isn’t what you really want.”

Steve doesn’t want to move to New York, even if he doesn’t realize it now. What he’s really doing is chasing after a dream that isn’t his. The timing of this is off, he fought with his dad this morning about a future he was unsure of. You know Steve, maybe even better than he knows himself; he’s not doing it for your relationship or out of love. Steve only wants to appease his father, fulfill whatever desire he thinks you have. This isn’t what he wants, and he’s worked too hard to build the life he has now, without you, to simply throw it all away.

But he can’t see that right now.

“Of course this is what I want, Y/N! All I want is you.” Steve finally looks at you, but there’s a hardness in his eyes. He’s detaching himself from you, putting his walls up. “You and me, that’s what I want.”

You grab his hand, you try to keep your voice calm. “Steve, I love you so, so much, but I can’t-I can’t let you give everything up for me. Your life is here, in Hawkins. You have a job, you have your friends and-and your family, and it wouldn’t be fair to either one of us if you abandon it for me. You could-you could resent me for it later, you could realize you hate our life and wish you never followed me and–”

“Y/N, what did you think was going to happen when you were applying to all those colleges?” Steve runs a hand through his hair, he thought you were beside him this whole time. He assumed you’d been carving out the same future he had been. But he was wrong. “Did you really think I’d just stay behind and wait for you to come home every break?”

“I…” Shamefully, you hadn't been considering what would happen between you and Steve. In your mind, he was your future, he was in it, but the details were hazy. You weren’t sure how, or why, or when, but you knew that in the end, Steve was the person you’d spend forever with. 

Steve takes your hesitancy as his answer. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“Steve–”

“You were just going to leave me.”

He tears his hand from yours and you blink back tears. You’ve never fought with him before, not like this. “I wasn’t just going to leave you! I just-Steve, please just listen!”

“I am, Y/N!” Steve exclaims, voice reverberating the car. You flinch away, and he immediately lowers his voice, apologetic. He hadn’t meant to scare you, he hadn’t meant to make you cry. Ashamed, Steve turns away from you. “I-I’m sorry.” 

He wants to wipe the tears he’s caused, but selfishly he also wants you to hurt like he’s hurting. You don’t see a future with Steve. You were going to leave him just like everyone else does. 

Steve should’ve known all of this was too good to be true. 

“I love you,” your voice is almost inaudible, the three words barely reach the light before they disappear into the dark night. You’re not sure why you say them, the words had built in your chest, the pressure heavy, and you needed to release them. To remind Steve of your oath to him. 

Silence fills the car. Steve doesn’t look at you, his shoulders are drawn together. His jaw clenches and you know he’s trying desperately to bite his tongue, withholding the cruel words that only heartbreak can provoke. 

“Honey,” you beg him to say something, anything. “Steve.”

“I think you should go.”

The dismissal punches your throat, knocks the wind out of you. He’s shutting you out, closing himself off from you, and you don’t understand how the two of you got here. “I… Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Steve’s words are cool, composed. Indifferent, almost. He still doesn’t look at you, his eyes remain focused on something in your driveway. “It’s late, you should get some sleep.”

“Okay,” you don’t want to leave, you know it isn’t good to go to bed angry with the one you love. Anger should never simmer, it should never be left unwatched. But Steve is silently asking you to give him space so that he can hurt, and you aren’t selfish enough to deny his request. And yet you’re selfish enough to press your lips to Steve’s cheek, but he doesn’t lean in like how normally does. Instead, he remains stoic, and you swallow down your tears and open the door to leave. “Drive home safe, honey.”

Steve doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he starts the car as soon as the door is closed and drives away. He doesn't look back, he doesn’t wait to see if you’ve made it inside your house safely. 

Tears spill down your face as you blindly walk towards your front door. Your argument with Steve replays over and over again in your head. You analyze every second, every word, you try to understand when everything fell apart. 

It’s dark in your home, your mother is asleep and Dustin’s door is closed, but right now all you want is your brother. You need to talk to him, cry into his shoulder and smell the shampoo he’s used ever since he was a baby. Your feet carry you to Dustin’s room and you pound on his door, begging him to let you in. You don’t bother masking the tears in your voice, you’re too exhausted to hide them from him. “Dustin, please let me in.”

“Go away!” There’s a thud on the door, he’s thrown something at it to shut you up. He doesn’t want to hear some stupid lecture right now. He knows he was an asshole tonight, he regrets it, but right now all Dustin wants to do is sleep. He’ll deal with you tomorrow. 

“Code blue,” you press your forehead against the door, your tears fall to the ground. “C-code blue.” Your voice hiccups, more tears come, minutes pass, and your brother never answers.

For the first time since you were kids, Dustin rejects your request for a code blue. 

The phone rings. The sound pierces through your ears, cuts through the headache that is starting to form. It’s Friday night. Jonathan is calling. 

Squeezing your eyes shut as you head pounds, you inhale shakily. You have to answer him, otherwise he’ll only call over and over again with concern. You’ve never missed a phone call, not once in the months since Jonathan has moved, but tonight you’re exhausted. 

“Can we call tomorrow?” You’re too tired to greet him and voice cracks, revealing far too much already.

“Bug?” Jonathan’s high, he’s always high. And yet even in his cloudy haze of smoke he can hear the anguish in your voice. “Is everythin’ okay?”

His question only makes you cry more. You’ve always tried your best to put up a front for others, to pretend that everything is okay. You’ve never wanted to worry people, you’ve always pushed aside your own hurt for the sake of others. Now, as anger and grief and despair clasp their hands around your throat, you’re terrified you’ll suffocate. 

You’ve never been able to lie to Jonathan, and tonight you don’t think you can. “I’ve had… the worst night.” You confess to him, wiping away tears.

You tell him everything, your fight with Dustin, how you think he may resent you leaving for college. You tell Jonathan about Lucas, how you were so disappointed in Dustin and Mike. Choking through tears, you explain to Jonathan your fight with Steve. How your words failed you, how hurt he looked, that you can’t explain to him how he only wants his future to align with yours, but not with your relationship. 

Even though you know that Jonathan won’t remember any of this tomorrow, for once you’re grateful that he’s too high to remember anything. It feels good just being able to say it all out loud. 

“‘M sorry, bug.” Jonathan mumbles over the phone once you’ve finished explaining everything. He sounds far away, figuratively and literally. You can’t imagine how much his drugged mind retained, but you’re thankful to have gotten it all off your chest anyways. 

“It’s fine,” you inhale again, you’ve finally stopped crying, though your chest still hurts and your head still pounds. “Steve and I… We’ll figure it out.”

Jonathan pauses, and for a moment you think he’s fallen asleep, but then his voice floats through the telephone line. “Do you.. Do you ever wonder if we’ve made a mistake?”

He strings his words slowly together, says them one by one with a hesitancy, and you frown. You don’t understand what he’s trying to say. What mistakes could you have made together? “What do you mean, bee?”

“I just… everythin’ is so hard. With Nance. Feel like… like ‘m never enough for her. And you, Steve. ‘S hard between you guys.” Jonathan’s words slur, he’s almost too incoherent to understand, and later you will wish that you hadn’t been able to understand him at all. “But you ‘n me? ‘S easy. Always so easy.”

His words toe the line between you, he can’t mean any of it. You don’t want him to mean any of it, because then the fallout would be too catastrophic to contain.

He’s Jonathan. Your oldest, dearest friend. Your best friend. Years ago, you could’ve been something more, you almost were something more, but the time has passed. 

You’re with Steve now, you’re happy and so, so in love with him. Even though everything is tangled between you right now, even though you’re fighting, you know that you and Steve will figure it out. He’s the one. He’s the man you want to marry one day, if he’ll allow you to. 

Jonathan is your past, Steve is your future, and right now you’re terrified that soon you’ll lose them both.

“Jonathan,” you finally say, his name now heavy on your tongue. It feels like you’re betraying someone while saying his name, but you need to end this conversation. Before Jonathan says something he’ll regret in the morning. “You love Nancy, I love Steve, and you need to go to sleep.”

“Love you,” Jonathan’s words slur even more, his voice drifting off. “You, always you…”

You slam the phone done, ending the call, as a chill runs down your spine. Silence encases you, the house is still. The strings and threads from years ago constrict around your throat. You choke on the lines Jonathan has crossed tonight, the tightness in your head stabs against your skull. 

There is no one to hear you, no one there to hear your final words to your best friend. “Goodbye, Jonathan.”

-

⌑ series masterlist

⌑ i am no longer doing a taglist, my apologies ! however, please feel free to like, reblog, and comment instead :)

[bangchansgirlsblog]

Keeping up with the Bhangs

This is a one shot from the little series. Read it if you would like it’s on my master list :))

Warning: Angst

Pairing: Bangchan x reader

Summary: Being a mum is hard when you have to constantly play good cop, bad cop.

**

"Chan?" She called for her husband. "Chan come look at what your daughter did!" Y/n called again. The sight infront of her was painful. Her little girl was stood in the middle of the room looking so innocent but she had created a huge train wreck around her. She couldn’t believe it.

She tried to keep her cool, she really did but she couldn’t. She heard the quiet footsteps making their way up towards their daughters room. Her anger was being tested and she felt like she was about to blow.

"What is it Y/n? I have a really important-" he paused when he looked up from his phone as he stared at the sight in front of him. "What the hell?" He let out a gasp.

The room was a mess. There was paint everywhere and crayons all over the wall. The collections of toys chan had gotten Soo-min where spread all over the place and her clothers (Soo-min) was covered in dirt, paint and crayons as she stood there looking innocent with the crayon in her hand. 

"Chan look what your daughter did!" Y/n raised her voice a little causing Soo-min to jump. She took little steps quickly to hide behind her father who was now standing fully in the room. It had been obvious she was scolded before this because her little hands were shaking and her lips were quivering.

Chans eyes soften as he loosened the tie that wrapped around his neck and unbuttoned his shirt. He was determined to keep his wife calm and fix whatever was going on. If he had time of course.

"Hey, Y/n calm down. Don’t stress out baby. Its okay," He picked up his little girl with one hand trying to remove the paint of her face. Her eyes on the verge of tears as she pouted. "We can just get the cleaners to clean it-"

Chan being calm about the whole situation pissed of Y/n to the fullest because why was he so put together? Why was he such a good calm dad.

"Chan! you dont get it! this is not okay, she constantly disobeys, this is a huge mess! i left her for only a few minutes!" Y/n groaned frustrated as she threw the cups she had collected from the ground into a basket. 

"Y/n, its fine. She's a baby-" the glare Y/n gave him instantly made him shut up and look at his little girl that was basically holding onto his shirt for dear life. 

"M' sorry," Soo-min chocked on her sobs as tears started to spill and she Sniffed. She didn’t understand why her mum was being so scary. She only wanted to draw to make her happy cause she knew how sad she had been.

Chans heart melted at her little pout.

"Its okay mama, no need to cry. Daddy's got you," Chan wiped the tears from her cheeks and grabbed the crayon and paint brush from her tiny little hands. "Y/n look what you've done, now she's crying."

"Chan you cant honestly think this is okay-" Y/n was buffled. Chan didn't think this was okay, did he?

"she's a kid! kids make mistakes, she's still learning. You don't scold her, you teach her," His voice was now loud aswell. He was getting frustrated. He didnt want his children growing up in a toxic enviroment where they get yelled at or abused. That was his worst nightmare. 

“Then fine! You raise them if ur such a good teacher,”

“I don’t have time for this Y/n I have a big meeting coming-“

“Of course you fucking do, why don’t you just move into your office and abandon your kids and pregnant wife!”

Her blood was boiling. It was like she was getting everything off her chest and she needed it.

“Y/n that’s enough. Your acting like a child in front of her!” Chan growled. “You can’t even control this situation without calling and crying for me,” his chest was moving up and down as he was huffing. Trying so hard to control himself but he was stressed and tired and it was like she wanted to pick a fight every chance she got.

"Chan! why do you always have to be good cop. Why cant you see this is wrong? Stop being a bad parent and-'

"Bad parent?" He scoffs and looked up at her buffled, "I'm the bad parent? just cause you were abused when you were younger doesn't mean you have to put your trauma on my children..." His eyes go wide. He didn't mean it. He was just angry. He didn't mean any of it. 

The tension in the air wise thick. The shocked gasp that left her mouth was painful. Her head started to spin. Her eyes turning red as her body started to overheat. The emotions she felt were overwhelming. A panic attack was coming on. Her eyes landed on her daughter, the little girl was covering her ears trying to cover her face in her fathers chest. Was she a monster?

"Papa? no fighting," The little girl squealed as she still continued to cover her ears. This made Y/n's heart break. was it true? was she becoming her toxic mother. 

 "It's okay mama," He comforted her shivering body, "I-Im going to get her changed so i can go back to my meeting. I'll tell the maids to come clean up," he so badly wanted to hold his wife and apologize but with the way she stood in one place he knew he couldn't have the conversation, well not right now. 

The door closed behind him as her little girls sniffles slowly faded in the distance. Y/n was in shock. Her brain was taking long to react. Her hands were cold and all of a sudden she couldnt hear anything around her.

Was she the problem? Was she being hard on the kids? she never yelled at any of them unless they did something horrible, she never intended for the father of her kids to call her toxic. To embarrass her like that.

It was too much, she was done playing tough guy. she was tired of the constant fight of depression. She was tired of her husband degrading her as she stayed home while he was out all night partying doing God knows what. 

She wanted her life back. she wanted to be fun again. She didnt want to be tired all the time. She was tired of being pregnant.

Her face felt wet. Her hands automatically covering her eyes. Heart wrenching sobs leaving her body as she placed a hand on her belly. The doubt of being a mother was creeping back up. The sudden urge to run away and dissapear haunted her conscious. Truth is she was tired of the fake smiles and the big parties and important business people.

Yes, she loved the big house her husband built for them, she loved the grand cars and the golden credit cards but she wanted to feel again. She wanted to be loved again. By her husband. She wanted to be a teenager again, falling in love and being young and free.

She laid on the called floor. Her arms supporting the heavy bump she was carrying. The tiled sending shivers down her spine. The tears still spilling from her eyes until eventually she grew tired and fell asleep.

[love-bitesx]

im word vomiting my headcanon list and id love to hear what you think!

*hobie gifting things that he finds to his partner like a crow. i can imagine they'd just randomly turn up, either on a desk or like they'll just find it in their bag or pocket, or that he'd just walk of and just hand it to them with no word *hobie fell for his partner hard, though he kept it pretty well hidden from everyone except pav starts calling his 'loverboy', eventually the nickname catches on to the point his future partner starts using it as well(either b/c they like it and thay're oblivious or they know exactly whats going on and are teasing him about it) *loves playful banter *nicknames for daaaaaays with his partner *hobie getting serious with a partner would be him gifting them something important, first thoughts are either a guitar pick of his or one of his favorite rings (its the most worn one he has, a simple metal one that you can literally feel the love thats gone into it. somehow it fits his partners finger perfectly)



i may be back with more, until then i salute you!

i agree with ur hc’s so much!! this is how i hc & tend to write hobie so, 100%! pls don’t hesitate if u think of anymore hehe

i’d love to expand! ~

- giving you gifts, to him, is like the ideal expression of love.

- because basically all of them are stolen, it’s a combination of his favourite things; stealing from big corporations, and seeing the beaming, heart-warming smile on your face when you open your bag and see a tiny trinket wrapped in newspaper.

- everytime you would come home, you’d find a new little addition to the house somewhere – notably: necklaces, rings, tiny ceramic statues or wooden decorations, pens, music (cd’s, vinyls, etc.) – especially if he’s been to camden market that day, his pockets would be full for you.

- when he started to fall for you, he low-key thought he was coming down with the flu.

- whenever you were around, his heart would flutter, his head dizzy and palms sweating – he considered getting medicine, until pavitr pointed something out.

- “how are you, loverboy?”

- “eh? you talking to me, pav?”

- “of course, hobie! little loverboy”

- “did you hit your head, bro?”

- pavitr would explain that he’d noticed hobie’s eyes glued to you whenever you spoke, hanging onto every word like gospel, and the way he flustered when you touched him, how he’d do anything in his power to be in your personal space.

- “shit.”

- “no! this is a good thing, my friend! love is the most bea—”

- “shit.”

- days went past of hobie avoiding you, he’d never been in love before, and it was scary to him

- his brain was only thinking of you, and he hated that he liked it. he hated that he wished for every thought to be of you.

- and he hated that he could see your body deflate when he avoided you, hated that your eyes looked sad when he turned away

- he hated that he liked loving you

- until, you caught him on his own one day, he was minding his business, relaxing on his lonesome whilst the others hung out in different dimensions.

- “hey, loverboy”

- a deer in headlights wouldn’t even come close to the shock on his face

- “loverboy?”

- loverboy? you were calling him loverboy?

- “yeah, loverboy, that’s you, isn’t it?”

- in all fairness, you were completely oblivious to the reason behind it – pav had simply just started calling him it when hobie wasn’t around, and it stuck

- “i-i guess so”

- clearing his throat, he willed his confidence back to the surface

- “you can call me anything you want, sweetheart”

- it wasn’t long before you were together, a gentle, but spontaneous kiss after a particularly dangerous mission one day sealing the deal between you both

- he was obsessed with you

- now he could be obvious about his feelings, he took that and ran with it

- his arm was essentially glued to your side, or over your shoulders, or anywhere where he could pull you in close to him

- he’d grab you by the belt buckles, dragging you towards him and welcoming you with a soft peck on the lips

- even in public, almost especially in public

- always have his hands in your back pockets, he says he hates the cliché-ness of it but he likes that he can hold you close whilst respecting your personal space – and he can feel your ass, but he doesn’t admit that outloud

- THE NICKNAMES.

- THE. NICKNAMES.

- this man is born and bred british, and over here we use nicknames more than actual names

- darling, sweetheart, love, lovely, all of those AND more are natural to him, anyway

- but he adds a special little “my” before them all now, now that you actually are his, and so “my darling”, “my love”, etc. are like a second name to you

- in bed, the nicknames would be even better, but i’ll leave that to your imagination…

- when things started getting a little serious, you’d been dating for months, all your friends and colleagues knew about him, your family as well (if you decide to tell them)

- you’re relaxing in hobie’s dimension, laying on his bed with your head on his shoulder, reading a book whilst he strums at his guitar softly. he’s humming a song you don’t recognise, but the sound of his deep melody was enough to lull you.

- “hey, love?”

- you hum in response

- “i wanna give you something.”

- sitting you up, he’d lay his guitar down and face you, grabbing your hand and bringing it to him

- “what are you—”

- he’d fiddle with his own hands for a second, before twisting his favourite ring off his index finger

- “here.”

- “hobie, are you—”

- “i’m not proposing, don’t worry. weddings are just a social nuisance that give us one more way to control each other. no. this is better.”

- you tilt your head and watch him, as he slides his ring onto your middle finger

- “it’s just a promise.”

- “a promise?”

- “a promise that i love you, and that i’m yours, innit.”

- “oh, hobie.”

- you cry a tiny bit

- and he hugs you tightly, kissing your forehead

- that’s when he knew it was serious with you, not only because of how he was so obsessed with you, and his heart melted at your touch, but because when he saw you with the ring on, his ring, his person, it just felt right. he didn’t ever wanna see you without it, or without him.

- “hey, hobie, did you mean what you said about marriage? you don’t wanna marry me one day?”

- “hey, i said i hate weddings. nothing about marriage. not if we do it our own way, you know?”

i love him so much. also pls stick around, couple of one shots & fics will be out this week!!! sorry they’re taking ages hehe

[moonstruckme]

Can we get a poly!marauders with a reader who has just lost their best friend(not dead, they’re just not friends because they’re friend started being a not nice person) and the reader starts to think its their fault/insecure reader :))) thanks

Thanks for requesting!

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 540 words

There’s an odd thing that love does when it changes. It doesn’t go away, just sits exactly where it used to in the center of your chest, and sours. Curdles. 

The ache behind your ribs feels almost familiar, but the pain has lost its pleasantness and it’s just pain. You swallow against it, but it won’t go away, even as James rubs firm circles around the area of affliction on your back. 

“Don’t torture yourself,” Remus tells you softly, looking up at you from the floor beside where you sit on the bed. “You did the best thing.”

You nod like you believe him, but your voice is leaden with doubt. “It feels so weird to go from talking to someone every day to not talking to them at all.” 

James makes a sympathetic sound. “You said it yourself, sweetheart, they’re not the same person you wanted to talk to every day. You’re just looking out for yourself.” 

Looking out for yourself. It sounds selfish to your ears, though you know it shouldn’t. You’re used to looking out for the people you love, and now you’ve gone and left one of them behind. Your eyes flit almost unwillingly to one of the pictures taped to your wall. It’s too small to make out, but you know it well, one of the many of you and your best friend scattered about your home. What are you supposed to do with those now, throw them out? 

Sirius reads your mind (he’s scary good at that sometimes), the mattress shifting as he leans towards you. “Just because you’re not close anymore doesn’t mean you have to hate them, or forget that you were happy during some of the time you were close.” He gives you a rare sorrowful look, raw in its understanding. You feel closer to tears than you have since you’d made the decision. “I know it’s hard to move on, but it’ll be easier if you’re fair with yourself about it. You did the best you could. It’s not your job to figure their shit out for them.” 

You nod, a hot tear cresting your cheek. “You’re right,” you tell him, or maybe all of them. “I’m sorry for making such a big deal out of this.” 

“Hey,” James chides, palm pressing harder into your back like he can push the hurt right out of you. “Don’t be. It’s a big deal to you, yeah?”

You nod again, wiping your face with the heel of your hand before another tear can make it very far. 

“Then it is a big deal,” he says. Remus hums his agreement, looking at you with sad, worried eyes. “It’s okay to be sad for a while. Just so long as you’re not blaming yourself, alright?” 

You swallow, leaning your head on his shoulder as thanks. “None of you guys can ever change like that, okay?” You’re aiming for lightness, but the effect is diminished by the croakiness of your voice. “I’ll have a very hard time ditching you, self-preservation or no.” 

Sirius makes a derisive sound, playing along as he bumps your shoulder with his. “Yeah,” he scoffs, “good fucking luck with that one. Try to shake me, and I’ll latch onto your ankles.”

[holdinbacksecrets]

keep you warm — l.dh

relationships are scary, and donghyuck ran away from yours. 18+ suggestive

you can’t get yourself to fall asleep. the time that’s passed since his body laid beside yours—stayed through the night—has been so long. it was becoming harder to hold onto the memory, and you couldn’t write it down again. journal page after journal page held every detail you remembered, turning them over again in your mind until you felt a familiar warmth in your heart again. you feel so cold without him. it’s been too long since you created the warmth on your own.

there was no hope to be found in you this week. the days blended together: waking up before your alarm, dragging yourself through the hours at work, and pushing yourself through evening runs in an attempt to sweat out the feelings. it worked for those 40 minutes spent in a pair of hokas before finding yourself on your balcony again, hair wet, a cool breeze brushing your skin like a promise to never let you down.

the glass of wine is filled a second time, and you watch the maroon liquid slosh around the glass as your head falls to the side. you haven’t drank since your brother’s wedding. years have passed since that night, so much has changed.

your knees knock together, feet resting on the coffee table, and you pinch the moon between your fingers. you imagine its dust on your skin, wondering how long the particles would linger before disappearing, washing away.

you hope he doesn’t completely disappear. the truth of those words has become harder to admit to yourself as feelings deepen. a heart truly grows fonder through distance, but the shadowed insanity has sharp claws. it draws blood, makes you sick and unable to eat.

you reach for the glass and head inside. the liquid disappears down the drain along with what remains in the bottle. you search for tea. something herbal. craving the warmth between your hands. craving the feeling of it traveling down your throat. needing something softer coating your mouth. something that won’t unravel the sweet dreams you anticipate.

the knock comes while you’re leaning against the kitchen counter, gaze set on the time ticking down—neon numbers on the microwave. you don’t have to move to know it’s him. you wonder how impulsive this decision was. how long he sat in his car debating coming up, using the key that lets him in your building. did he feel guilty pulling it out? did he think about the time that’s passed since he last felt its curved metal between his fingers?

you reach the door and the microwave begins to beep. the lock is turned, and you swallow hard.

he’s standing outside your door, and the brown of his eyes looks softer than before. he’s wearing glasses and a hoodie you know to be incredibly soft. his hair is long, nearly curtaining his eyes, definitely hiding his brows.

your cheek meets the door, wondering if he’ll speak before you step back and let him in. he has to say something. he has to know this isn’t ok. that it fucking hurts.

his tongue wets his lips and he takes you in. his eyes roam your face for so long. they run over your features repeatedly before staying on the eyes he sees in his own dreams.

“should i have called first?”

he looks uncertain. it’s a foreign face to see him wear. the twisting of his ring is subconscious while he waits. it would be so easy to break, to reach for him.

“it’s ok.” your smile is tight lipped, half hidden by the hinged metal.

“i’m sorry for disappearing.”

with that, you step back and let him inside.

he slips out of his shoes and you lock the door, heading for the kitchen to retrieve your tea and fill a glass of water for him. this scene has been lived a hundred times but never so quiet.

“why did you?” you ask holding out the glass. his fingertips brush yours. warm. the mug of tea is a sad attempt at recreating the feeling.

he follows you to the living room, settling into the couch because he knows you’ll take the large, green chair. he’s only found you there more times than he can count. it’s like your resting place, your recharge zone—a place of tried and true comfort. his comfort holds uncertainty.

“the honest answer is fear and …discomfort.”

“did i make you uncomfortable?” your eyebrows raise before taking the first sip and tucking your legs beneath you.

“no! no. that’s not it at all. i just- we became so close, and the feelings… the realest feelings. i doubted myself and filled in all the blank spaces.”

“blank spaces?” you ask when a silence fills the room.

“i imagined all your wants from me… for us. i decided i couldn’t give them to you even though i never asked what they are. i think- i know some are clear, but not all the details…” he looks afraid. he looks so small, smaller than you’ve ever seen him. it freaks you out. you want to comfort him. you want to make it all better, but you have to listen first. you have to gather the answers. otherwise it’s not fair.

“if you had asked, do you think my answers would’ve made you disappear too?”

“i can’t know that for sure, and i’m sorry if that hurts to hear because… fuck i don’t want to hurt you. i make all my decisions with you in mind. i’ve never done that before.”

“i know, it’s scary. it’s really scary to feel yourself starting to intertwine with someone, bend to them, have unwavering consideration appear and stay.”

he smiles then. “you’ve always been so much better than me with words.”

you shake your head, drinking more of the tea. “i overthink. i dissect.” i’m stained by words unsaid. i keep words that were never meant for me, and yet i crave them. i crave to offer you the right ones. i envision perfection. my perfection. for you.

“do you dissect this? me?”

“of course i do.” the honesty has always been too easy with him, and it’s here despite the distance, despite the rocky uneasiness you’re walking through—addressing head on.

“i’m sorry it happened this way. that i did what i did knowing your history. i don’t want to let you down—be like the last disappointment.” he tried so many times to call you. he sat in the parking garage and worried you’d see him as if seeing each other wasn’t the whole point.

you finish your tea, swallowing the warmth and barely feeling it past the back of your throat.

“i want to say you don’t have to apologize. in the same breath, thank you for doing it. i want you here. that’s impossible to deny, but it’s fucking scary, donghyuck. i’m so fucking terrified of wanting you— the fact that i do is having a hard time settling in. it’s not easy to accept.” because you know what it looks like. you know the carefree person you become within it, and you don’t want to lose her again.

he knows what you mean. you’ve laid together, half-dressed, and filled your dark room with honesty. he asked you questions you’ve never heard before, never meant for you. your answers were important, and everything you said has been remembered: the fear is impossible for him to forget.

“we’re both afraid.” his gaze holds so much love you feel yourself start to cry, and he’s leaning forward immediately, reaching for you. “baby, come here.”

a sob breaks free when your bodies meet. when the touch you’ve been looking for in fragmented memories is finally known again as you melt into him.

“i don’t want to be afraid to love you.”

he doesn’t tense at your words. if anything, he feels lighter. donghyuck knows to be your solid ground is all he wants.

“doing it together sounds like the right way to start, hmm?” his lips meet your forehead, and you nod against his chest.

“you can never do that again, though. you have to tell me, and i’ll tell you too because neither one of us deserves the guessing game. it’s sour and heavy and i can’t lose the sleep. not because of that. i won’t do it again.” the last thing your words are is harsh. they’re coated in yearning. they’re relieving to share, and he feels the care you have for him stick to his skin. it’s insane to think he let himself believe he wouldn’t be safe with you, but those middle-of-the-night thoughts are never on our side.

“i won’t. i’ll annoy you with all the communication.”

“please, it’s an aphrodisiac.”

he laughs then. finally. you’re set alight, feeling euphoric as his chest vibrates against your cheek. “i’m so in love with you.”

your lips part. “say it again.”

“sweetheart, i’m so in love with you.”

you pull away from him, dropping your hand to his cheek, fingertips meeting moles. searching his eyes until your vision blurs with tears, caught beneath his thumb. “i love you. i’ve loved you since the night in the corner store.”

“that long?” his voice is so emotional, breaking at the end, and you finally realize it: he doesn’t think he deserves this.

“that long. i knew. it was impossible to miss.”

“to miss?”

“donghyuck, you’re so easy to love. i feel so lucky to love you.”

an exhale sinks his shoulders. you kiss the apple of his cheek, feeling the first tear on your lips just before you pull away, so you kiss his eyelid next and then the other. whispering, “i can’t wait to love you loudly. i can’t wait to show you what you deserve.” and he guides your mouth to his.

your lips come together with the most emotional charge you’ve ever felt. it’s almost overwhelming, but you can’t imagine pulling away. you adjust, straddling his lap, feeling the certainty on his lips. the promise. the prayer.

it deepens as your hands sink into his hair, twirling his brown locks around your fingers. he licks into your mouth, meeting your tongue in a romantic dance. there’s no fight for dominance. there’s no urgency. it’s patient. it’s your entire bodies connecting, chests meeting. it’s all the emotions, all this relief collecting in the space where your lips touch. it’s the understanding that you have so much time, and it’s so warm.

[axeoverblade]

Could you do headcanons about Miles, Gwen, Pavitr, and Hobie having a tall and scary/intimidating s/o who is actually a big sweetheart? How they meet, first impressions, and dating stuff?? If that’s too much, no prob, alter it however you need to! :)

B. F. G

ATSV! squad x gn! reader

Synopsis! Never judge a book by its cover

MASTERLIST

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none!

Word count: unavailable

Authors comment: BONUS:GWEN, super cute lol hope this is what you wanted enjoy <3

Do not copy! All rights reserved to ©axeoverblade

ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜᴛ

1610 MILES

Bro is scared of nothing (think Simba from look king “I laugh in the face of danger”)

So when he sees you out on patrol, it throws him off that he became so on guard

You’re making the hairs on the back of his neck stand

Would never tell you this but at first you were gonna be a bad guy

So when you helped a lil kid cross the street and paid for them to get ice cream, he was a wee bit confused

Tailed you for a long time on different days, and always saw you doing good things .

So at first he develops a lil identity crush, not a romantic crush on you

Like he thinks it’s cool that you have this presence about you and it’s completely different from how you actually are

He meets you as spider man before as himself

You actually helped him, not a lot but enough where you interacted with him for a bit and he thanked you for helping

You just stopped a guy from stealing an older woman’s purse by tripping the thief and returning the purse

Miles saw it as you could be the next spider man

Suddenly you keep seeing spiderman all the time (totally by accident and not because he learned your routine)

Talk to him so often you develop nicknames for each other.

Been months since you’ve known him and he like is obsessed with you, full on in love and everything

So he decides to reveal who he is

Obv you accept him, give him a hug saying you won’t tell anyone

So now you guys hang out as friends

Casually flirts with you all the time (he’s trying so hard to make u like him even though u alr do)

Makes u meet his parents

miles forgot your looks don’t match your personality

HIS PARENTS ARE SO ON GUARD

His dad gave you that look

The one that screams “ stay away from my child and take your thuggish activities out this house” when you first walked in

kinda made you sad cause you thought they didn’t like you and you haven’t even talked to him yet

After they get to know you through the night his parents legit love you

Say how much of a good influence you must be on Miles and tell Miles to be more like you

Tell you to come by anytime

(They could easily tell miles likes you and vise versa but don’t say anything)

So Miles finally works up the balls to confess

Happy moments and a kiss

Overall good day

When your walking hand in hand down the sidewalk and keep getting weird stares because of the high contrast in your auras it confuses people

but then you and Miles both smile and its the same super big bright smile, people get why you’re together

HOBIE BROWN

When he first saw you, standing as tall as him in the store with that “I’ll kill you if you come near me” energy he thought you would be an issue honestly

Thought you were cool but def though you were gonna try and fight anyone near you or something

He wasn’t in his suit cause he was washing it and was lowkey upset you caught him when he was just going to the store to restock his snacks instead of out on duty

But he was excited for what ever you were gonna do when you passed him because he wanted to fight today

“Accidentally” bumps into you to see how you respond

But when you smile at him sweetly, apologize, and keep it moving, bro is confused

Walks right back up to you and starts talking to you

Digs the inconsistency between your personality and your looks

Also digs just your looks

He thinks you're super attractive

Was quick to get with you, he knew he wanted you after that first convo at the store

You guys click so well aesthetically cause even though your brooding walking around and he looks all chill (and mischievous) like nothing can bother him, the way you two are holding hands with your thumb rubbing the back of each others palms is a dead give away you two are on the same page

Sometimes he sees you and is just like “you don’t match”

He never explains what he means by it but says it’s a good thing

Wasn’t scared at all to tell you he was spiderman

You two def go on swinging dates where he just takes you everywhere

Overall fun and happy times

PAVITR PRABHAKAR

He was a little nervous when he first saw you

Not because of your energy but because he thought you didn’t like him

Like you looked like if anyone approached you, you would rip their head off

So maybe he was a wee bit scared of how you looked

But he knew better than to judge appearances. Bro is so intuitive that he doesn’t need a meesily appearance to tell him who you are on the inside

So he walks up to you and says hi

The big smile that graces your face makes him smile big too

Happy he followed his intuition to just approach you

At first you two are just good friends

Anytime you two are in public you get weird looks

Like what’s this jolly looking fellow doing with you

Then you laugh at his antics all happily and they get it

You actually confessed first

As “intuitive” as he was he didn’t notice your feelings

Doesn’t take him by surprise though

Oh my gosh he is so happy and pda-ing in public and everyone is like are you sure you two are supposed to be together

But then your face lights up with this look of joy every time you look at him and people have no choice but to mind their business

It’s a good thing opposites attract, even though personality wise you two are very similar

Really happy he approached you despite his fear otherwise he would’ve never met the love of his life

BONUS! GWEN STACY

Gwen thought you were cool at first

Your height is what would’ve intimidated her not your aura

Like she isn’t scared or anything, just a little bit more on guard around you

she first met you at one of the band get together cause you were one of the band members friends

She didn’t want to judge on appearance though so she tries her best to keep her opinion about you to a minimum until she actually talked to you

Happy she did

saw you get up and get waters for everyone because “we should stay hydrated”

Thought it was cute how sweet you were

She approaches you and you two become friends quick

You two meet up regularly outside of band meets

Wouldn’t tell you that she found you super attractive (and vise versa)

Like not even looks, just you as a whole

Gives her scary dog privileges honestly

Likes yes she can one hundred percent defend herself and is more than capable

But no one even looks her way anymore when your with her

Made her happy to be left alone in the streets now

So you actually have to confess first

Sweetest confession ever got her flowers

She ofc says yes cause she had a crush on you too

You bake together all the time, even if one of you are good or bad; or both are good or bad at baking, you two are having fun

Meeting her dad was a given

At first he could’ve sworn you were a murderer

wasn’t feeling you at all

Then he had a convo with you and was like “oh okay I get it”

He loves how sweet you are and hopes you rub off on his daughter cause “she isn’t nice enough to him”

Happy relationship :)

©axeoverblade

[unknownperson246]

a/n: Hi, do you think you could do something fluffy where the reader has just gotten wisdom teeth surgery and the anesthesia is making her act not like her normal self. Like she’s loopy, sad, confused, and just generally out of it. And she feels like Axl is going to break up with her, and he reassures her that he loves her and wouldn’t break up with her and that she’s just feeling this way because the anesthesia is making her have funny thoughts. And so Axl takes her home from the surgery and takes care of her and treats her really sweetly and tries to make her feel better since she’s in pain.

Hiiii I'm so very sorry its late but here it is

cConfused:

Words: 615

warnings: *fluff* *angst* *mentions of cheating*

✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:*

You had just gotten your wisdom teeth removed. Axl your boyfriend had driven you back home after you were all loopy from surgery. You were oddly quiet for someone who just got their wisdom teeth removed with anesthesia involved in the procedure. Axl was worried the entire time. You were dazed and confused. You were so out of it. Suddenly a fear you never told Axl about came to your head. You waited until you got home trying so hard not to say it out loud fearing that it would make Axl crash his car. Even when you felt like you were in another world you still were very cautious and rational about things. You loved Axl like crazy. You would do anything for him. He knew instantly he would do anything for you. Your fear was an ass and it kept haunting you ever since you were with Axl. You were always so worried that he was going to cheat on you or that he already had. The anesthesia wasn’t helping your paranoia. You and Axl finally got home after the tense drive. Axl was worried that you were quiet and not saying anything goofy because generally, anyone with anesthesia is loud and very verbal. 

“Babe you okay?” They were Axl's first word since after your wisdom teeth surgery. 

“Mhm.” your answer was short.

“I’m scared you're cheating on me,” you said to Axl with your lips starting to quiver.

“What? Finally, the anesthesia hit you!” Axl giggled.

He noticed your lips quivering and he realized that it wasn’t a joke anymore. 

“You’re serious?” He asked you not knowing how much this question affected you.

He was starting to wonder how often you thought he was cheating on you. He was mad but he knew it wasn’t your fault. Despite his anger, he wrapped his arms around you to comfort you in your confusing and scary haze. You wanted to hug him forever. You never wanted to let go of him. You wanted to know that Axl was yours forever. He broke the hug and saw the tears in your eyes. He wiped them gently.  

“Please don’t break up with me” You begged Axl with a pleading tone.

“Shh, I’m not going to break up with you. Honey the anesthesia is just making you think scary and funny thoughts. I promise that I’m not cheating on you or that I’m not going to break up with you” Axl whispered knowing how much of a headache you're probably in. 

Axl held your hips and he carried you into the bedroom over his shoulder because every time you moved you fell over.

“Here, lay down in bed,” Axl said before he moved the blankets out of the way for you. 

You took his hand as he helped you lay down. He got in the space beside you and he calmed you down. You felt a lot better from Axl reassuring you. You were glad his temper didn’t spike up. 

“Axl my mouth hurts,” You said grabbing them and rubbing your cheeks.

Axl grabbed your hand off of your face.

“Honey, don't do that. That will make the pain worse and it won’t heal quickly.” Axl had gotten you some salt water to help with the pain. 

“Rinse your mouth with this later. Once you're less loopy. I will help you” He said, giving your cheek a quick peck. 

“Let’s go to sleep now,” You said, sounding a bit more like your usual self now.

“Sure,” Axl said as he laid down and draped the blanket over you and himself making sure you were all warm and cozy. 

You and Axl fell asleep until the next morning. 

[gremlinvanfleet]

𝖐𝖎𝖓𝖐𝖙𝖔𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝖉𝖆𝖞 𝖔𝖓𝖊 - 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖙𝖔 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘 

anakin skywalker, circa. the clone wars

kinktober 2023

masterlist

who else is better than hayden christensen to kick off the month? we also have the same name and that's so wicked.

summary: you and anakin have been fighting in the deadly war for far too long, and you finally begin to turn to each other for comfort in the trying times after so much loss.

warnings: smut, swearing

word count: 1,884 (i'm so sorry)

The war had been taking its toll on everyone. Yourself included in that list of people as Obi-Wan’s new Padawan. You hadn’t noticed it about Anakin however. He commanded your fleet and you trusted him with every fibre of your being. He was strong, wise and had animal like instincts. A true leader. He never ever wavered and that’s why there was so much confidence in him, even if he defied orders, he always did it with the best interest of the people.

“Y/L/N! I need you here. Focus please.” He touched your shoulder. You didn’t even noticed you zoned out. 

“Sorry, General.” He nodded. He continued with his attack plan. It was simple but unbelievably effective. He didn’t believe in making things unnecessarily complex, especially when it could put his men at risk. 

“General Skywalker, how are we supposed to sneak in when they have droids outside the whole ship?” A clone asked. 

“That’s were Y/N comes in.” He gestured towards you. You felt your face heat up. You thought you were just going to be piloting with Anakin, not heading the mission. “She will fly around the perimeter and act as a distraction while we strike underneath.” 

“You have faith in her flying? She’s just a kid.” Another one chimed in. He shook his head. 

“Myself and General Kenobi have yet to see a reason to not. She’s reliable and smart. Don’t second guess me again.” He glared. Him defending you made you have a funny feeling in your stomach. 

You took a moment to admire him in this state that came so naturally to him. His hair had been a bit more tousled than usual, and his uniform was more wrinkled than you remember it. You saw him run his hands through it before he came into the command centre. Stress. The lightsaber attached to his waist shined under the light of the hologram above him. His blue eyes were as fiery as usual and the intensity behind his voice made you think he received intel that he didn’t find favourable. You felt for your friend and mentor in the moment. Obi-Wan may be your master but Anakin was a true friend. He’d been through everything you had already. He understands you. 

“Okay. I think that’s everything. Let’s go men. We have a hard battle ahead. Fight hard and with valiance and I’ll be endlessly proud.” He smiled but his eyes looked sad. He knows not everyone in this room will be coming back. 

The clones left the room but Anakin grabbed your wrist, prompting you to stay behind. 

“What is it, General?” You thought he had something important to say but instead you were met with his sad blues looking into yours. 

“I just feel like something bad is going to happen with this mission. I just don’t want it happening to you. Please promise me you’ll be careful.” 

“Anakin, you’re the one who taught me how to fly, remember? I believe you called yourself the best pilot in the galaxy. If you can’t have faith in me, have it in yourself.” You smiled at him. He chuckled. 

“Point taken. I do have faith in you though, Y/N. So does Obi-Wan. We are both so incredibly proud of you. You’ve served the council well and I’m certain you’ll continue to do so.” 

“Then why are you so worried? I’ll be just fine.” You tried to reassure him, even though you didn’t fully believe yourself. It’s scary when he gets a feeling like that. He’s always been able to see ahead. 

“Okay, okay. Let’s go then.” He walked beside you and nudged your shoulder. You laughed and walked with him to the hangar. 

The mission was gruelling but a success. Anakin had lost many of his men this time around but you made it out okay. In fact, you pulled it off perfectly. You had taken down one of General Grievous’ droid ships. Only a grain of sand in the scheme of things however. After the mission, Anakin came out of it with a heavy heart. He thought no one was looking but you saw him ignite his saber and use it in a supply room. Items clattered everywhere while he took out his rage. What was he mad at? It could be anything. The loss of his men. The knowledge that there is still so much work that needs to be done and that means losing even more men. It hurt you to see him in so much pain like this. You couldn’t just leave him like that. 

“Hey…” You stood in the doorway. He looked at you, nostrils flared, eyes in a frenzy. 

“What are you doing here? Go get some rest.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair again.  “I won’t be resting until you do, General.” You knew he hated when you called him that, but you took the risk of poking a little fun at him. God knows you both need the pick me up. “You know I don’t like that.” He had a small smile on his face. You stepped closer to him. 

“Yeah, but it’s good fun.” You smiled. He chuckled. 

“Come on, lets try to get some sleep at least.” 

You followed him up to the sleep chambers. He got in his bed and you got into yours. The sleep came on quickly but just before you drifted off, you heard a shout from the room next to yours. Anakin. You ran into his room and found him sitting up, bare chested and breathing heavily. 

“What’s wrong?!” You searched his distressed face for an answer. He blinked at you. 

“Nothing, nothing. Go back to sleep Y/N.” He sounded defeated. Not something you’d expect from the strong man across from you. 

“Come on. I’m not that naive. You can talk to me.” You sat on the edge of his bed. He tipped his head back and sighed. Something was definitely weighing on him. 

“I just can’t get their faces out of my head…” He said dejectedly.  

“Who are you talking about?”

“The clones. We lost so many. I know its the fortune of war but I still can’t help but feel responsible.” He rubbed his forehead. 

“Anakin, listen to me. None of this is your fault. In fact, you’re the only person I know fighting in this war that cares so much about his men. I admire you so much for that.” You put your hand on his. He sighed and closed his troubled eyes. 

“We all care, Y/N. Some of us are just more radical than others.” 

“You’d be the most radical I think.” You joked. He cracked a small smile. 

“I think you’re the only one keeping me sane here…” He whispered. 

“Lucky for you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” He searched his eyes. 

“I promise.” You squeezed his hand. 

“Can you stay here with me? Just for tonight so I can sleep?” His eyes looked sad. Your face heated up. You had wished for this to happen. You’d never admit it but deep down you’ve always hoped something more would happen between the two of you. 

“Yeah. I can stay.” You smiled and he returned it. 

He laid back down and you did the same beside him. He sighed a few times and turned over too. You gently put your hand on his arm and started drawing circles. He hummed and turned on his side to face you. 

“That feels nice.” He murmured. He kept his eyes on yours as you continued. He leaned in a bit closer. You felt your heart beating faster in your chest. Is it finally happening? He gently placed his soft lips onto yours. 

You quickly returned the kiss and slid closer to him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his chest while never detaching from your lips. You whimpered into his mouth as he pushed his tongue in. You felt his mouth turn into a smirk after hearing it. He flipped himself over so he was between your legs. He pushed himself against you and started kissing down your neck.

“Is this okay?” His eyes were filled with concern. 

“Yes. Please keep going.” You pleaded. 

“As you wish.” He smiled and continued down your neck. He pulled your housecoat off revealing only underwear underneath. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to see you like this. I’ve thought about it all the time.” He admitted.  

“Me too.” You managed out between pants.

He quickly but carefully took off your underwear, revealing you completely to him. He stared for so long that you started to feel self conscious. You began to cover yourself again. 

“No no. Don’t do that. You just look so pretty, I can’t help myself.” He caressed your side, giving you goosebumps. 

“It’s your turn now, General.” His words gave you confidence. He shook his head and began taking off his clothes. His skin was such a beautiful colour and his battle scars just added to it even more. His metal arm glistened in the moonlight. You stared at his toned abdomen while you both took each other in. 

“Ready?” He was hard and not trying to hide it. His size was intimidating but definitely enticing at the same time. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” 

He slowly circled your clit with his hand while he pushed himself into you. You felt so full even after only half of him was inside. He groaned when he bottomed out and you clenched around him. 

“Fuck… So tight…” He hovered over you and rested his forehead against yours. The heat radiated against your skin so pleasantly as he pulled himself out and then back in again. The pleasure was unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. His pace was too slow for your liking however. 

“Anakin, please… Faster.” You whined. He chuckled and began to move his hips faster. His skin smacked against yours and he spent time rubbing your clit to get you there. 

“Fuck, Y/N.” He panted. His fingers moved faster against you and your legs began to shake. “You gonna cum for me?” 

“Y-yes. Please don’t stop…” He smiled down at you and kept the pace of both his fingers and his hips. He drew you closer and closer to the edge with every movement. The coil in your stomach was ready to snap at any moment. 

“Come on, sweetheart. Cum for me.” His words were enough to bring you over and you shook and clenched all around him. “That’s it, pretty girl.” He wasn’t done though. 

He pounded you even faster as he chased his own high. He pushed deep inside you one final time with a loud groan. He pulled out and his seed spilled out of your swollen hole. He collapsed beside you and pulled you into his arms. 

“That was-“

“Unreal.” You finished. 

“Yeah. I can’t believe it took us this long.” He laughed 

“Me neither. Kinda kicking myself for it.” 

“Just don’t tell Obi-Wan. He’ll kill me.” You laughed at the fact that he was still scared of Obi-Wan after all this time. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” You kissed his cheek and snuggled into his chest. 

A good sleep was on its way. 

© gremlinvanfleet 2023 <3

[league-of-sam]

Don't Be Shy | Konig x Reader

Kӧnig x TF141 x AFAB!Reader

PART FOUR

Summary: Transferred against your will to a new task force to calm a troubled soldier, you felt way in over your head - especially when you came face to face with a 6'10" mountain of Austria. 18+ MINORS DNI! t.w // angst, mental health, language, violence, human trafficking, death, sexual themes/SMUT, military inaccuracies, language inaccuracies (google translate).

1 / 2 / 3 / 5

It was mission day.

Training over the last two weeks had been exhausting, but the payoff was right around the corner.

The mission was simple – get in, get the hostages, get out.

Fender had been given intel of another AQ human trafficking den on the border of Serbia, and it was KorTac’s job to get them out and get them to safety.

Simple enough, and something this task force has done a hundred times over. That didn’t stop the nerves from creeping up from within you, though. it didn't feel right, being on a mission without the 141, without your family.

How much could you truly trust the people around you?

Now you sat, clutching your rifle to your chest, surrounded by the rest of the team; all of you clad in the best tactical gear that Laswell had to offer.

You scanned the room, desperate for a glimpse of the giant man that had clouded both your heart and your brain, frowning when you came up empty.

Kӧnig had been…odd to deal with.

But you were quick to learn that that was just him. He was sweet, quiet, kind, thoughtful, fidgety. It made you like him all the more, and you were so incredibly bad at hiding it. Ghost almost had a heart attack when you admitted about your little crush, the man had to be held back by Soap, Gaz, and Price to stop him ‘coming down there to get you and shoot him’.

And people said Price was the father of the group!

After spending three hours convincing Ghost you were just fine, Kӧnig had knocked your door, ready for his next lesson. You’d made an agreement – he opened up to you, working on his issues with social interaction, and you would teach him to be a better sniper.

It worked, you thought, and you were finally breaking down some of his walls.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you so quiet and closed off?” You asked tentatively, putting your rifle back into its protective carrier.

“Was, how you say, bullied? As a child, I was always big, and the other children made many comments and hurt me.”

Your heart hurt hearing him say this. You were no stranger to bullies, having been picked on your entire childhood also.

“Yeah, I know the feeling.”

“You do?” he said, voice surprised.

You smiled softly, “Yeah. Kids aren’t nice. Adults are even worse. Still happens every now and then, people underestimating me or thinking I don’t deserve to be here.”

“That’s horrible.”

“It is. I can understand why you wear the hood all the time, keeps people away from something else they can use.”

“Ja.”

“I sometimes wish I had something, but Ghost always told me not to go down that road. He says it’s a hard one to come back from.”

“It is true. It’s scary, revealing yourself.”

“I’m sure it is, but it’s scary wanting to cover up, too.”

“Why would you want to?”

You frowned, looking away from him as you continued to pack your things, “Because I don’t like the way I look. Sometimes, I wish people couldn’t see me.”

He looked at you, dumbfounded, “Aber du bist so hübsch. (But you’re so pretty.)”

“What?”

He blushed, looking at his shoes, “Oh, um, you are just kind. I am sad for you.”

“I’m sad for you too, Kӧnig.” You smiled, “But it’s alright. Those people mean nothing now. I used their hate to help my anxiety, and now I’m here to help you improve yours.”

“(Y/N), I think you are helping.”

“Yeah? I think so too.”

He stepped a little closer to you, his movements stopping you in your tracks.

“Ich habe noch nie ein so schӧnes gesicht gesehen, Schatz. (I have never seen such a beautiful face, sweetheart.)” He whispered, his fingers barely touching your chin as he tipped it, making you look up at him.

Your breath was caught in your throat, heat rising to your cheeks as you melted into his touch. You reached up, your hand cupping his as it moved to your cheek.

Your heart thudded in your chest as he stepped closer to you, the other hand slipping around to rest on your waist.

Before you knew it, your body was pressed against his, the two of you searching each other’s eyes for any sign to stop.

There was none, but as soon as your fingers grazed the bottom of that damned hood, moving to lift it away, the familiar jingle of the ringtone set for Price echoed around the walls.

You fumbled, stepping back from the giant, “F-fuck…I- sorry, it’s Price I-I have to take it.”

Kӧnig released a long breath as you moved away from him, whispering to himself, “Oh, mein gott. (Oh, my God.)”

He barely paid notice to you speaking with your Captain, until something you said caught his attention, making his heart shatter.

“Yes, Price,” you laughed, “As soon as the job is done, I’ll be on my merry way.”

You were leaving?

“Yeah!” you spoke again, turning to smile at him briefly, “He’s doing well, I think he’ll be fine here. No- Captain, listen…you know what Ghost is like! It’s just a job, right? So, when I’m done, I’ll be back, promise.”

What?

‘It’? Were you talking about him like that?

Did you really think of him as nothing but a mission, something for you to fix and then leave behind once the work was done?

“I’m just a job?” he said, voice small as he watched you put your phone down.

You stood confused for a moment, until you looked back at your phone, reliving the conversation with Price.

“N-no, Kӧnig, t-that’s not what I meant by that-”

“I’m just another task for you to complete before you go leaving to your elite task force, ja?”

His voice raised with every word as he angrily collected his own things. Hurt seeped from him, and you could understand exactly why.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” you pleaded, “Yes, I was brought here to do a job, but you are not just a job to me. You’re a human being!”

“A human being you were brought here to babysit.”

“Yes! I was! But that wasn’t my fault! I didn’t fucking want to!”

Your frustration got the better of you, and you snapped. No, you didn’t want to be someone’s babysitter. You were an SAS-trained sniper, for crying out loud. But you’d seen someone in need and stayed.

And you were so glad you did.

But he didn’t see it that way, who could blame him?

“Okay, sergeant. Danke for the lesson.” He said, and he nodded to you, turning towards the exit.

“Kӧnig, please- don’t leave, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean-”

He ignored you, shaking his head as he flung the door open, the noise echoing around the shooting range. You winced, tears welling in your eyes as you watched his hulking form stalk away from you.

That’s the last he spoke to you.

It was the last you’d even seen him.

For three days.

He didn’t come to the shooting range, he hadn’t been showing up for training, and he hadn’t been eating from the canteen.

You never meant to hurt him or pry too far, but it was why you were here. To help him understand about teamwork and morale, to help him understand that not every person was out to get him. But you never meant to make him feel like he was just a job, just another assignment.

In a last ditch effort, you scanned the room again, and your heart skipped a beat as blue eyes pierced yours.

He was leaning against the concrete pillar on his left, arms crossed over his vest, hip stuck out as one of his feet rested in front of the other. Your eyes examined his frame, subconsciously licking your lips as you took in his appearance. He looked even bigger with all the gear on…even better.

Kӧnig blushed furiously under your gaze, flustered as he tore his eyes away from you to look back at his superior, who’s voice was booming around the room.

“Karma!” his voice made you jump, head snapping forward, “You will be taking primary overwatch. The snipers are to follow your command.”

“Yes, sir.” You answered.

Fuck.

“Now, the mission is simple. We will take the trucks down through the mountain pass, and there is a guard under our pay to let us pass without issue on the border. Roze.” Fender spoke, passing the baton to his second in command.

“From there, Contact Team 1 will press west, taking the building from behind. Contact Team 2 will follow after breach, collecting the hostages and running them to the van that is waiting. I will be driving that.”

“The Sniper team will head east, setting up overwatch to take out any stragglers that push through from the breach, am I clear?” Fender finished.

Several voices answered in unison, nods and encouraging looks thrown around the room between comrades.

You only squeezed your gun tighter, teeth sinking into the flesh of your lips.

KorTac was so different to 141.

The journey to missions would be silent, all of you quiet from the weight of what you were about to endure.

But not here.

People were chatting away, making jokes, making plans for the evening as if they were so certain they’d even make it home. It completely terrified you. The only thing keeping you alive was the promise you made to get back to your boys.

No wonder Kӧnig hated it here…so did you.

Somehow, the journey felt like it took forever, but no time at all at the same time. Something wasn’t right, you could feel it deep within you. Even the encouraging texts from the 141 group chat weren’t helping, despite Soap insisting that his flurry of memes was appropriate.

It wasn’t long until you were in position, the front of your body damp from the moisture in the grass surrounding you.

“Karma to Actual, Sniper team in position, waiting on count.” You spoke quietly, nodding to your team to settle.

“Copy that, Karma. Contact Team 1 is on route for your position.” Fender replied.

As soon as he said that, the sound of combat boots connecting with the ground flooded the air around you, legs wading past with guns held high on the target. Your heart skipped as you caught a flash of red and white stripes as Kӧnig moved past you.

He moved swiftly and silently, completely in his element.

Now was the time you’d see him in action; you’d see the crazy that everyone warned you about.

“In position, sir.” He spoke, his accent thick as he whispered into his comms, taking up position in front of the doors.

Moving the scope to settle on him, you peeked through, gasping as you saw he had no weapon at all on him. It was just him and his fists.

They genuinely did just use him as a human battering ram.

“On your count then, soldier.”

You watched him as he took a final breath before his voice flowed in your ear, “Eins…zwei…drei…

Einsetzen! (one…two…three…engage!)”

On cue, the splintering of wood echoed around the trees, and the popping of gunfire and the screams of women followed.

“Okay everyone, on your mark! Let’s clear the way.” You commanded.

One by one, you shot your rifle with ample precision, taking out the AQ soldiers that tried to escape the hands of Kӧnig, and the rest of Contact Team 1.

“This why they call you Karma?” Calisto’s voice sounded.

You let out a laugh, “Indeed it is.”

“Badass!”

As yours and König’s team cleaned out the AQ, contact team 2 made their way in to collect the hostages. That’s when you got the ‘all clear’ to move in, offering any aid needed to the poor victims.

You moved quickly, throwing your rifle over your shoulder as you stumbled down the hill towards the building, your team following swiftly behind you. The doors swung open, and a crowd of dirty and frightened women poured out, Roze pulling up with the van and ushering them in.

It was seemingly over, and you threw a small smile to Kӧnig as he helped one of the smaller girls out of the building. He looked back at you, holding your gaze for a moment, until screams and cries and yells of commands tore your attention away.

Running towards the group with a fully loaded semi-auto was a straggler, the last AQ soldier that had apparently been missed, and he was headed right for Kӧnig and the little girl.

You tossed your gun aside, not even taking a second to think, and ran as fast as your legs would take you towards them.

You ignored every order to stand down, every yell from Fender to fall back.

But no one was as quick as you to react.

You reached them just as the bullets started spraying, the force in which you banged into Kӧnig knocking him to the floor as you scooped the girl in your arms to shield her.

Somehow, you’d managed to save them both from the oncoming assault, but your complete disregard for your own life came to bite back at you as you screamed, a searing, burning pain shooting through your thigh as a bullet struck you.

Roze yelled, reaching for the child as you tossed her forward, falling to the ground when another bullet shot into your back.

Your vest protected you from deadly harm, but the force of the impact had you fall to your knees, landing on your front in a daze.

The rest of the team didn’t even get a chance to unload their own weapons into the enemy, as Kӧnig shot up, tears pricking his eyes as he ran at the soldier, tossing him into the air and bringing him back down over his bent knee.

A sickening crack of bones echoed through the valley, until silence fell, and the only sound was your laboured whimpering in the grass.

Until that wasn’t heard either.

Your body went limp.

And your vision faded to black.

[invertedheaven]

If You Really Love Nothing

chapter 11: solace

chapter index | next chapter

“My dad invited sukuna to the companys holiday party tomorrow” gojo spoke with his mouth full of food

You, airi and gojo had gone out to eat while Megumi went bowling with his friends for his birthday. Although you and gojo were a little sad about it, you were both definitely excited at the idea that megumi actually had friends he would willingly hang out with.

“What for?” You asked as you focused on coloring the kids menu with airi, gojo was too hungry to wait and ordered an appetizer that wasn’t appealing to you or airi

“Just a courtesy invite I guess, considering the deal that happened a while ago, I doubt he’ll go though” gojo replied as he looked around the room

“Yeah we’ll see about that” you don’t really think sukuna will pass on the opportunity to be an asshole to gojo

“Do I have permission to be mean to him?” Gojo asked with a sly tone

“Would it even matter if I said you couldn’t?” You joked glancing up at him

“Probably not” gojo retorted taking another bite

You smiled to yourself because you know he would’ve respected whatever you asked of him even if he probably didn’t agree with it

“Who are you talking about mommy?” Airi chimed in

“Just an old friend of mine, baby” you responded as you kissed her head

You and gojo made eye contact from across the table, trying not to laugh at your response. You’re not stupid, you know that eventually she’ll ask about her dad. Maybe she thinks its satoru even though you’ve told her hes her uncle, you’re not sure she truly grasps that concept. You know once she starts school it’ll no longer be easier to avoid the “do I have a dad?” Or “where is my dad?” questions.

You’re aware that you and satoru discussed that he wouldn’t have “stepdad” title but the way he has been present in her life, you wouldn’t be able to blame her. That was a conversation you were dreading to have, and even more so if sukuna did become present in airis life, what would that to your family now? It was a scary thought and maybe what was part of holding you back from telling sukuna. You didn’t want to lose what you have now for someone who probably wouldn’t even stick around. And maybe the smallest tiniest selfish part of you felt like he deserved not knowing, that thought in itself ate you up inside and you felt riddled with guilt that you would deprive airi of a father out of spite.

Airi just hummed in response seemingly losing interest and instead asking when you guys were gonna see megumi

“In a bit he’s with his friends right now” you told her as nice as possible but she still lifted her head from the paper she was coloring with a pout on her face

“Are we gonna have cake?” She asked and you laughed because you figured thats why she was asking

“Yes, we are!” gojo answered “even if megumi doesn’t like sweet stuff, he already told me what flavor to get”

You smiled knowing megumi probably chose that for the sake of airi and gojo (but he’d never admit the gojo part)

“I hope its chocolate” airi whispered as she went back to coloring

“Do you think megumis enjoying himself?” You spoke up changing the subject

Gojo sighed “I hope so, its hard to tell with that kid sometimes”

——— Megumi and yuji had a few more friends from school that they actually got along with, so convincing megumi to do something for his birthday wasn’t the hardest thing to do. Mainly because megumi doesn’t really care for his birthday, he doesn’t think he’s ever really understood the excitement around them. Even if when he was growing up, you and gojo tried to make them fun for him he just couldn’t enjoy it. This applied to when it was someone else’s birthday too, he couldn’t help but feel normal about it. Megumi shakes his head slightly as he realizes he’s too into his own thoughts when its supposed to be his turn, and to his luck (even though he was distracted) he threw a strike that went unnoticed by his friends because they were currently barely learning everything thats been happening in yuji and megumis lives

“Wait, so I’m confused you have an actual niece?” Nobara half shouted over the noise of the bowling alley

Yuji nodded proudly “yup and we almost have the same birthday too”

Nobara was genuinely shocked, sure she hadn’t known yuji for that long but she had heard a few stories about his older brother and truly who would want to be with that man? but even more crazy that the mom of yujis niece was megumis older sister figure (?) Nobara wasn’t too sure how megumi viewed you, but she assumed that would be the best observation on her behalf. Either way the entire situation sounds like a mess and shes honestly shocked they were acting semi-normal at school, if she was in their shoes she would’ve used the chaos as an opportunity to miss a day or two of school.

“And your brother still doesn’t know?” Maki interjected

Yujis smile dropped and his body language changed entirely, he curled in a little on himself and refused to make eye contact before mumbling “well no, not yet”

It was barely loud enough but maki and nobara still heard. Before maki could respond Megumi came back from his turn, “You’re next” Megumi addressed maki as he approached the group but he noticed it had gotten a little awkward, as he figured it would considering the conversation had landed on airi and you about 10 minutes ago. Yuji had truly done a great job at telling their friends about the past few weeks, so naturally they were pretty invested. Not that megumi could blame them, the whole situation sounded like something out of a tv show considering how dramatic it all was.

“Won’t that piss him off?” Nobara asked with an incredulous tone “the fact that you know he has a kid and just didn’t say anything”

Megumi nervously looked at yuji after nobaras comment

“Its not really up to me and I can’t condemn the decision either” yuji sounded a little irritated and maki could tell

“Well its not our place to judge nobara” maki stood up ready for her turn turning to look at megumi and yuji, who both had a displeased look on their faces “but him not knowing might blow up in your guys faces eventually”

Nobara huffed and shrugged “whatever man, it’s not my brother”

Yuji doesn’t know why that stings as much as it does. In his mind he thinks he understands the situation but is it really truly fucked up that he hasn’t told his own brother? Should he have fought to defend sukuna a little bit more? Deep down yuji knows sukuna cares about him but would this screw up their already precarious relationship? And he feels even more guilty knowing this is supposed to be megumis birthday and they’re making it about yujis family issues

“Its fine, we’ll figure it out” megumi spoke up noticing that yuji seemed to have zoned out

After that awkward conversation the rest of the evening went fine and despite his friends antics megumi found himself smiling to himself throughout the day, he didn’t think it was all that bad, but he’d never admit that.

———-

“Maki was too good it wasn’t fair!” yuji exclaimed with a mouthful of cake while recounting the day to you and gojo.

“So you guys had fun?” You asked as you finally joined them at the dinner table, sitting right next to airi

They both nodded but megumi spoke up first “it was fine”

Gojo groaned looking directly at yuji “ignore him, that’s megumi talk for he loved it”

You, gojo and yuji broke out into laughter as megumis face got red

“That doesn’t even make sense” megumi retorted

“It does too” gojo argued

You smiled fondly at the interaction, their arguments never got old to you and you hoped they’d never stop. Airi was hardly talking as she was very focused on enjoying the cake she had been talking about all day, she was hardly talking but laughing plenty as her and gojo kept making silly faces at each other.

As the night went on, you let yourself enjoy it because it all just felt so natural and peaceful. Yet the guilt leaves a bitter taste in every moment nowadays. At this point in time, the idea of telling sukuna seemed less hurtful than hiding airi like this. As you watched Airi attempt to play some car racing game with gojo and Megumi, you let your mind wander to the outcome of sukuna finding out, possibly the most annoying part of this whole situation is how you cant make up your mind.

You decided to busy yourself by cleaning up the plates left from the cake and decide to push sukuna as far out of your mind as possible. You laugh at the exaggerated and fake complaints from Gojo as he claims that he lost (he purposely did bad so that airi wouldn't land in last place, not that she understands the concept but he does it anyways) you wish he’d let her lose so doesn’t expect to win every time but he disagrees. You dont notice that yuji, who decided to skip out on the game, followed you to the kitchen

“Can I ask you something?” Yuji spoke up startling you

You turn around to face him noticing he had an unreadable expression “of course… what’s up?”

“How do you do it?” Yuji asked as he shifted around uncomfortably not making eye contact

You gave him a curious look, waiting for him to continue

“Deal with the guilt” yuji spat out “I understand why you won't tell him, at least I think I do, but how do you deal with the idea that he knows nothing… that airi knows nothing”

You’re taken aback by how blunt he was, feeling yourself fight back tears, its odd how he seemed to know how your conscience was eating you alive the past few weeks. You didnt respond but instead looked down at the plates in your hands, the blue frosting smeared over the plate and a half eaten piece that megumi didn't finish.

Yuji took your silence as a cue to keep talking “I feel awful, every time I think about him finding out I feel a knot in my stomach and” he paused as he swallowed “he might not be the best brother, and maybe” he gestured to you “he wasn’t the best boyfriend in the end, but I don’t know if this is right”

Yuji was taking a risk here knowing this could make you either angry or sad but he hoped you’d understand. Nobara comment from earlier kept replaying in his mind, he couldnt even enjoy the rest of megumis birthday because at the very front of his mind was the idea that this could ruin any progress he hass made with sukuna. Not just that but, if he was in sukunas shoes… he’s not sure how he’d react. In yujis mind, if by any chance sukuna doesn’t care about airi the idea that yuji knew and didn’t tell him would probably still bother him.

You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from crying, you truly wish you didnt cry so much nowadays but ever since you had airi your emotional state as been a bit turbulent. You know deep down yujis not wrong, and hes not telling you this out of malicious intent, but it still stings all the same.

“Im sorry, I really am, it must be harder on you considering you have to face him everyday” you moved to put the plates in the sink “I know, in some sense you’re right, and its been chipping away at my conscience everyday lately”

Yuji looks at you, your faced away from him but you can feel the daggers he’s staring into the back of your head

“Theres nothing I can say to make you feel better about the whole thing, because I put you in a difficult position” you sighed before continuing “all I ask is that you give me a few days okay? Just let me think about it” you turn around to half smile at him, maybe it wouldnt hurt to grab lunch with sukuna and see where he’s at mentally, if its even feasible to drop such a heavy topic.

Yuji breaks out into a laugh of relief “man, I thought you were gonna get pissed at me for that” he rubbed the back of his head with an awkward smile on his face and you find yourself smiling back. He really was such a good kid, and you’re thankful megumi has him as a friend.

————

“I expect you to have a professional attitude today, satoru” Gojo Sr. spoke through the phone

Satoru rolled his eyes in a way he hoped his father could sense, as he made breakfast “you say that like I don’t usually”

Satoru moved around the kitchen with ease as he brushed off his fathers rant about the holiday party their company was throwing. His mind truly would not be invested in this evening, with the occasional stray thought roaming to how he’d handle a sukuna confrontation including how busy work has been? His fathers lecture was exhausting to say the least.

“It starts at 6” Gojo Sr broke satorus train of thought

“Why so late? Thats ridiculous” satoru pointed out

“Thats not late…”

Satoru pouted on the otherside of the phone call this night was sounding more and more nightmarish with each minute. Yeah this would just be his everyday life in the years to come, and maybe it wasn’t as awful as he makes it out to be considering most clients love him, but his fathers involvement made satoru loathe the very idea of going into work— even if it was literally a party. 10 minutes later, the call ended with some small pointless argument that satoru couldn’t bring himself to care about.

You walked into the kitchen and noticed gojo seemed on edge about something but you didn’t pry, if he wanted to talk about it he’d bring it up.

Satoru was grateful you never expected anything of him but simply just to be himself. He yearned for that growing up and when he could no longer find it in geto, he found solace in your presence. In the back of his mind, the idea of sukuna coming into the picture for airi was something scary. Satoru knew he had no ownership or demanded loyalty of you but he didn’t wanna lose the family he had now, and in some sense he could tell you felt the same way. For so many years in your weakest moments, you both were all each other had and while change is inevitable he wished it wasn’t something he was dreading. It was the elephant in the room that neither you, gojo nor megumi was willingly to address ever since yuji came along.

“So for Christmas, I got airi the doll house she wanted” gojo spoke up

“Satoru…” you shook your head but smiled “thank you but where is that going to fit?” you joked

He shrugged “she’ll probably forget about her old one we’ll just replace it”

You shook your head at his logic, truly a sentence that could come from someone who was spoiled in his childhood

“No, she’ll use both until it breaks or we can at least donate it”

Gojo shrugged in agreement, knowing not to argue with you

“Good luck today” you mumbled as you watched him flip the pancakes in the pan grimacing at the way It looked a little too burnt. Work for him is a touchy subject, that you’ve learned is better left untouched but you don’t want him to think you don’t care

“Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to have the loudest argument possible with sukuna” he turned his head to give you the cheesiest smile possible

“Very funny, Satoru”

Megumi came downstairs shortly after, he looked tired, as expected of someone who never really socializes

"did you have a nice time yesterday?" you asked as you stole bacon from the plate gojo set aside

"wasn't bad" megumi shrugged

"would it kill you to say you had a nice time?" gojo complained

"yes, it would actually" megumi deadpanned

"whatever, did you set your new phone up?" gojo asked, he had gotten megumi a new phone for his birthday (and for Christmas he'd be getting a new gaming console and headphones which gojo was excited to give him)

"yeah actually, thank you" megumi pulled said phone out of his pocket "its bigger than my old one its pretty cool"

you and gojo smiled at each other because that was probably the most enthusiastic you'd ever see megumi about his birthday-- or presents in general

————

The employees started pouring in and the building grew into a lively atmosphere much unlike during the workday, it was something satoru could never get used to. Every year it was the same, he’d spectate the crowd as he prepared to put on his best act. He could fool everyone, except his dad and maybe thats where the innate irritation for nights like these came from.

His rant in his mind was cut off as his dad knocked on his office door telling him to “greet people” in all honesty gojo was going to do that in just a few minutes but now that his father was telling him to he felt compelled to say no.

After gojo begrudgingly left his office, familiar faces greeted him and he always makes sure to reciprocate the same energy at least until he sees sukuna walk through the doors with a smirk on his face and the receptionist, Rei, following behind him. Gojo knows his face changed for a brief moment and he hopes no one noticed, he knows this has to remain professional but what he would do to punch that pink haired idiot in the face.

Gojo pretended to be invested in conversation with some employee he’s not even sure what his name was so as to come off as unbothered. Yet out of the corner of his eye, he saw sukuna approaching him, and the conversation he was in the middle of became more and more distant.

“Gojo” Sukuna interrupted the poor soul who was in the middle of speaking

Gojos smile slightly twitched as he turned to face the voice of the man he knew all to well

“Sukuna” gojo stuck out his hand for a handshake but he had desperately hoped sukuna wouldn’t reciprocate the energy.

And when sukuna met gojo half way the handshake held more weight and tension than any conversation could.

[augustvandyne]

can we get a lucy chen x reader? r is talking to nyla or someone abt the crush they have on lucy but she overhears and assumes its abt someone else? she ignores r until r gets fed up and corners her one day and tells her that lucy is her crush? thank u !!

okay i’m back to writing now 💗💗

idiots

“I’m over it,” Nyla complains to you and Angela in the break room one day.

Your eyebrows furrow at your two best friends when Angela starts nodding along with Nyla.

“What?” You frown. “Did something happen?”

“We’re over you,” Angela purses her lips. “You and your little girl crush.”

“We wish you’d just tell her already,” Nyla stirs her coffee. “You know she likes you back. So why don’t you just ask her out?”

You huff, “I really like her, and I don’t want to mess things up. And—“

“We aren’t a hundred percent sure she likes you,” Angela and Nyla roll their eyes as they mock your words in unison.

“Yeah,” You nod.

“You could always just.. ask her,” Angela says sassily, hiding her face behind her coffee cup.

You glare at both of them, “That’s scary. What if she doesn’t want me like that? I mean— then when we rode together it would be so awkward..”

“I’m sure she has at least a small crush on you.”

“How can you be so sure?” You’re bouncing on your toes. “Would you guys ask her for me? Please? Pleaseeeeee?”

“You’re more than capable,” Nyla says, squinting at you.

“So you guys don’t love me?” You cross your arms jokingly.

“Yep, that’s exactly it,” Angela nods sarcastically. “That’s just why I took you out and bought you at least ten books for your birthday last week.”

“And that’s why I took us all out to dinner for your birthday,” Nyla tilted her head.

“Hey guys—“ Lucy stumbles into the room, and your head is immediately turning towards her.

“Hey Luce,” You beam, a wide smile on your face, along with an indescribable light in your eyes that not even Nyla or Angela could explain.

But Lucy’s expression doesn’t match yours — not in the slightest bit. Her cheeks are flushed and she looks she just witnessed someone running over a cat and not stopping to check on it.

Lucy’s body slouches the slightest bit, and her eyes flutter sadly as she says, “Roll Call.”

“You okay, Lucy?” Your eyes soften as you reach for her, but she takes a step backwards.

“I’m not feeling too well,” The lie came out easily, like it wasn’t hard at all and she didn’t need a second thought.

“Oh, well—“

“I’ll see you,” Lucy looks away from you with a sad look, walking backwards and almost running into the door frame on her way out.

You turn back to the detectives with a frown on your face.

“What?”

Angela and Nyla share a look, shake their heads, and walk around you to make it towards the roll call room.

“Hey!” You lean against the counter as Lucy signs out for a war bag. “Who you with today?”

“No one,” Lucy shrugs nonchalantly, signing the last few letters of her name sloppily so she can get out of there. She slams the pen down extra hard and hurries towards the garage.

“Me either,” You follow her into the room, and wait as she opens the trunk and loads her bag. “Wanna ride with me?”

“Well.. I’m ready to go. So, if you want to ride with me you better get a bag fast,” Lucy says as she slams the trunk shut and sits in the driver seat, still not meeting your eyes.

Something in you said she was upset with you, especially after your encounter with her and the two detectives a few days earlier, but you didn’t want her riding alone. And you didn’t really like riding alone, either. You frown, but go and get a bag for yourself, nonetheless.

You load the bag and shotgun into the trunk and hurry over to the passenger seat to ride with Lucy.

“Hey..” You put your seatbelt on quickly before Lucy pulls out of the garage. “You okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Lucy just barely meets your eyes as she puts her hand on the back of your seat, turning to pull out of the garage.

“I don’t know.. I just—“

“I’m good,” Lucy shrugs again — something she only does a lot when she’s upset — but you don’t press any more. “Let’s just work.”

You open your mouth to speak again, because normally Lucy enjoys talking or sitting in a comfortable silence, but today she just turns the radio on to drown out the unusual and uncomfortable silence.

“There’s a fight breaking out at a gas station near Chen and L/n—“ A voice comes over the radio, but you’re too distracted to decipher who it is.

“Show us responding,” Lucy grabs at the radio quickly, desperately trying to get out of this awkward situation with you.

As Lucy pulls up to the scene, you say, “You get one, I get one?”

Lucy doesn’t answer, she just gets out of the car and starts detaining one of the men.

You go for the one on the ground, as you thinking Lucy might need to take her anger out a little, so you give her the more aggressive one.

As you’re cuffing your guy, Lucy’s guy elbows her in the face when she tries cuffing him.

You push your guy against the shop, not even caring if he gets away or not, and you hurry over towards Lucy who is holding her face in one hand and the cuff in the other.

“Are you okay?” You force her hand away from her face, checking the forming bruise.

She leans into your touch for only a second, but then you see a flash of some sort of recognition in her eyes, and she’s pulling away from you.

“I’m fine,” Lucy pushes you away, and finishes cuffing her guy. “Let’s take these guys back to the station.”

“Um.. okay,” You nod and awkwardly follow behind her.

“Maybe try talking to her?” Angela shrugs as you, her, and Nyla all grab lunch from your favorite burrito truck.

“I’ve tried. What do you think I’ve been doing for weeks?” You threw your hands up in a frustrated voice.

“She seems fine when I’m around her,” Nyla throws out there. “What? I’m just saying.. maybe it’s you?”

“That’s not funny!” You try to playfully hit Nyla, but she moves at the last second.

“I’m not laughing,” Nyla shook her head, a small smile on her face as she takes a bite out of her burrito.

“It’s annoying,” You put your head back as you wrap your arms around yourself.

“We know,” Angela says, being the reassuring and helpful friend while Nyla was being the annoying and joyous one. “But I’m just saying, maybe try and have an honest conversation.”

“I mean.. I could try. She might be going through something at home,” You bite on your nail anxiously, not sure if you’re trying to tell yourself that or them.

“Mhm,” Nyla agrees, mouth full. “Totally.”

“Okay, you’re not helping,” Angela rolls her eyes, pushing Nyla in the direction of your regular table. “Go sit.”

“Whatever,” Nyla rolls her eyes and goes to sit at your table.

“Do you really think it’s me?” You look up at her with a sad expression — eyebrows furrowed, eyes full of sadness. “I mean— what have I done to make her angry with me?”

“Nothing. I don’t think it’s you, sweetie,” Angela puts her arm around you until her food comes. “I just think.. maybe something is going on at home, you know how her parents are.”

“Yeah..” You nod, staring down at the gravel.

“Why don’t you try eating with her?” Angela nods over to where she’s sitting alone, enjoying her veggie burger and fries.

“Okay,” You nod and grab your food, which came out just now.

You take your burrito and water over to the smaller table Lucy sat at, and sat across from her, not asking if you could sit before doing so.

“Veggie burger?” You ask even though you know her order by heart.

“Yep,” Lucy says before taking another bite of her lunch. “You?”

“Burrito,” You hold it up before taking a bite yourself, seeing as that’s the only way to keep things from being awkward.

“Hm,” She hums, taking her time to chew.

“How are you?” You ask after swallowing your bite of food.

“Good,” She shrugs. “Nothing new since you asked me two days ago.”

You swallow back the lump forming in your throat.

Lucy had never been this dry and she’s never not talked to you for this many days in a row.

“Are you mad at me?” You frown at her as she obviously tries to finish her food faster than she ever had before. “Slow down there, don’t choke..”

“I’m not mad,” Lucy shakes her head and stands to dispose of her trash. “I’ll see you later.”

“Oh— okay,” You slouch in your chair, still trying to figure out what you did to make her so distant towards you.

After a few more days of walking on eggshells around Lucy, you’ve had enough and came up with a plan to corner Lucy.

You’d just try and corner her somewhere around the station and try and coax it out of her.

And your plan was going to work because you made sure to inform Nyla and Angela of this plan so they could watch out for her.

They inform you that she just came through to process a criminal, just as you were in to talk to Grey about an upcoming leave you had to take for a family event.

She’s passing the break room as you’re coming towards her, and you take this as the perfect opportunity to push her into the break room to talk with her.

“Hey, Y/n— Hey!” Lucy tumbles back a little as you push her into the room and shut the door for privacy. “What’s your issue?”

“No, what is your issue?” You ask, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I don’t have an issue,” Lucy shakes her head, her demeanor changing from angry to calm.

“Please just stop lying to me,” You take a step forward, and Lucy tries to take a step back, but her butt is met with the table.

“I’m not,” Lucy’s eyebrows furrow as she lies straight to your face.

“You are,” You’re voice breaks just the slightest bit. “You won’t talk to me, you won’t ride with me, you won’t eat lunch with me.. god, you can’t even look me in the eye.”

Lucy’s breath shudders as she tries to look anywhere but at you.

“Luce,” The hurt in your eyes is evident. “Look at me.”

Lucy manages to look up at you, and hurt flashes through her own eyes. She bites on her cheek to either keep herself from crying or from talking, you aren’t sure which.

“What’s wrong Lucy?” You take a few steps closer to her, and you place a friendly hand on her shoulder. “Let me help you.”

“You can’t,” Lucy’s eyes flutter sadly, and you see that she’s about to cry.

You lift your hand up to wipe a tear from her face, but she flinches away from your touch.

“Why can’t I touch you?” You ask. “You let me touch you before— what did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything,” Lucy’s tears fall faster as she gets more upset over what she overheard a few weeks earlier. “I’m just giving you space.”

“Why?” You bite out.

“Because.. you like someone,” Lucy says sadly, and that’s when it hit you. “And that someone isn’t me.”

“Lucy—“

“I heard you,” Lucy bites her lip to stop her tears, but it doesn’t work. “When you were talking to Harper and Lopez about your.. crush. And it hurt to listen to that knowing..”

“Knowing what?”

“Let me talk, please. Just let me finish,” Lucy holds a hand out between the two of you. After a pause she continues, “It hurt listening to that conversation when I’ve had feelings for you since we were rookies, and that you didn’t reciprocate them like I thought you did. So I am stepping back for whoever this mystery girl is. She must be pretty great if you’re after her.”

Your head shakes sadly and your lips turn down in a frown.

“Lucy..”

“You didn’t know?” Lucy finished for you. “I know. And I didn’t plan on telling you, but if this was what it takes for you to understand, so be it.”

“You really didn’t know?” Your question causes Lucy to tilt her head in confusion. “You’re my crush, Lucy.”

“What?”

“I like you,” You point your finger to her chest. “I literally have your long Starbucks coffee order memorized, I know what you like from every fast food place so I can bring you something to surprise you. I know your favorite movies, songs— does that scream just friends to you?”

“I mean.. no. No, I didn’t think so, but when I heard you I thought..”

“You thought wrong, Luce,” You cup her cheek, removing a stray tear with the pad of your thumb.

“Good,” Lucy breathes out and pulls your face to hers by your collar. “So, so good.”

“For the record, I’ve liked you since we were rookies, too,” You pull away to tell Lucy, and she chuckles, pulling you back in.

“We’re such idiots..”

“Yes, yes we are,” You laugh.

[ajs-bookmark]

PJO episode seven SPOILERS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED DONT SAY I DIDNT WARN YOU

episode SEVEN

ready for a better episode after disappointing ass lotus casino

my honest reaction: “GASP the waterbeds !”

BRO WHY IS HE FIGURING OUT ALL THIS AT ONCE PERCY IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING STUPID

ARRRRGGGGG ITS MAKING ME MAD 😾

annabeth and her invisibility hat 🥰

there was supposed to be a fight i’m so sad :( 

theyre leaving so much out

AW AW AW THE SCENE WITH HIS MOM he’s so persassy

does grover have a fucking stressball

please let there be the bathtub line please please please

“we’re all dying to some extent” HELP HSHAHAH

YOU CAN BUY A NEW WHISTLE IS WILD

why is cerberus lowkey adorable

awww annabeth petting him is so cutesy

lmao grover rolling out from under his lip 💀💀

UH OH THE SHOES

yes yes yes the ball my favorite part

percy’s so concerned for annabeth its adorableeeee

OMGS GROVER LOST HIS PEARL

this is so much higher stakes than three pearls to begin with 

WALKING ACROSS THE ROOF OF A GYM HAHAHAHA

“period” 💅

holy hades that skeleton thing scared me 

it’s giving “one more reel before bed: the reel:”

“i’ll be okay” i started crying

“you can do this i know you can”

OMGS GROVER BEINGGDRAGGED INTO TARTARUS

wtf tartarus is so scary

THE THE THE THE THE LIGHTNIGN. BOTL WHAT

zeus is just gonna have to wait ICONIC

“why are you trying so hard to get rid of me. i’d never do this to you.”

hades’ palace is so cool !!!

“is this our stop or” bro wtf do you think

hades is interesting. i was expecting him to give DILF vibes ngl. i don’t like the actor for him ill be honest, i wish he was more dark and brooding

“huh ?” he’s so me

“i seldom kahoot”

“my helm 😾😾😾😾😾😾😾😾😾”

what a king. i know he loves his mom and all but he knows what’s up

POSEIDON ???? please be hot please be hot please be hot

he’s such a basic white man wtf. 

IS HE BRITISH ???? nvm he’s so sexy i changed my mind mmmmm british man

OMGS THE WAY HIM AND ANNABETH LOOK AT EACH OTHER IM CRYING SCREAMING

him and ares are about to fight to the death

in summary, i am hades.

[friendlylocalwhumper]

“Daddy is sick.”

Penelope’s jam-smeared face sets in a displeased frown, chubby arms crossing over her chest. “But, but - but, but, but! But we’re s’posed to - big park, go to the big park today, he said.”

Hands planted on the edge of the kitchen counter, Emory keeps himself anchored against pacing around the room. “I know, baby.” At her expression souring worse, he shakes his head at himself. “Sorry. Not a baby. I know, Penny. Listen…” A smooth crouch down to be on her level, and sullenly, the six year old approaches, tugging on her dress like she means to subtly indicate that she looks pretty today so her dads should do what she says.

As if he can sense something silently going wrong in the other room, Emory glances back at the closed bedroom door and worries at the thermometer in his pocket. “We both know how Daddy gets when he’s sick. You remember last time? The sadness fort?”

Penelope groans and tosses her head toward the living room, picturing the pillows and blankets that made a fort there, inside of which there was a Lux pretending not to cry every time someone came to check on him.

“Today, he’s feeling even worse. He’ll be okay, but when you’re too sick, sometimes it’s hard to believe that. And we know sometimes these…” He points to his arm where one of Lux’s more prominent knife scars lies. “Are on the inside, too. Right?”

~

It’s terrible. He’s been… he’s been terrible. So, so bad.

He’s been bad, and he’s not supposed to feel like he’s been bad. It’s embarrassing. Lux can’t pinpoint why, can’t figure out who he’s disappointing by being afraid… but it feels like a death sentence to not be scared out of his mind.

At some point, his shoulders must have stopped being shoulders. When do joints stop being joints, if they don’t move how they should anymore? If they creak, and swell, and need hours of stretching and soaking each morning just so he can get through the day? They haven’t felt like working shoulders ever since the first time they were broken.

He is not in the cellar. He knows, and he knows he should believe… this is a bed. He is confused, but not a kid anymore. Lux can feel the pillows under his back and a blanket under his legs. But that doesn’t mean he can’t feel the concrete floor, too. Feel warm metal around his wrists, his arms draped up at the angle they were kept at for years. Every time he returns to this place, in his memory or dreams or hallucinations… it feels right. Scary, painful, hope-crushing… but right. Like he belongs here. Lux can’t quite look around the cellar, because the persistent reality of his bedroom keeps on leaking through. But if he tips his head back until it is stopped by the headboard, blurry vision and the fever wracking his body work together to let him see the top of the staircase, a glow of distant light.

He is not in the cellar, he has a home and he is safe. It is not really cold in here, his skin is just too hot. He is not hungry, Emory spoon fed him chicken broth earlier.

But he remembers, and the physical ache of remembering feels more real than anything else, right now. Blinking bleary tears from his lashes until they slide heavily down his cheeks, Lux stares up at the ceiling and thinks of loneliness so deep that he never fully believes it ended. Hours, days and days alone in the dark, hearing things, trying to remember friends or family, anything at all… the spider that he watched, when it skittered in the faint light. How hard he cried when the spider found its way up the stairs and escaped under the door. His only friend, gone and gone and gone.

His feverish mind skitters around the peripheries of the tall, broad frame he doesn’t want to imagine directly. It might summon his attention, somehow. Might make him appear. Lux doesn’t have to think about the Hunter to ache. The worst of the pain, of the mind-breaking loneliness, happened when he wasn’t down there, anyway. When there was no new pain, no taunting or cooing, no punishments. Lux longed for the punishments, sometimes, because there was nothing else. No way to tell how much time was passing, when food would come, if he was the only person left alive in the world…

Jolted from the cellar that will always live on in his mind, Lux pictures a bland gray carpet with blue stripes. A couch with stiff pillows, glass side tables, a kind face that is never half-hidden by a clipboard anymore. His therapist, an older woman with squishy cheeks and wisps of gray around kind eyes.

She says that minds do funny things, even if they haven’t been twisted up on purpose. That sometimes people in prison lose their mind after a couple hours in isolation, and Lux was in it for months and months. Minds aren’t made for the dark and the quiet, she says. They come up with thoughts and memories to survive it, and if you’re stuck alone too long, they make up new things, unreal things, too.

So it’s not really that scary that Lux feels hands on his shoulders. Pressing in at aches, pulling. It just happens sometimes. His face twists with miserable discomfort, but what can he do? Whine for it to stop? Somewhere behind all of the terror and miserable defeat, he knows that Penny is out there. The need to protect her from seeing her father in an awful state keeps him from crying out. Under the shivering and silent crying, there is a cool determination to never let her know how afraid he is.

It’s fragile, her sense of safety. He thinks it is, at least. His therapist says that children are resilient and fearless, if you’ve kept them safe long enough, and that Penny won’t flip over to being a terrified, obedient child at the first hint of fear that she sees. But every time that it comes up, Lux locks himself down. He doesn’t mean to, he just… remembers, in his whole body, trying not to be noticed. Trying to be good, even though still breathing was a bad enough offense, sometimes. And he imagines Penny feeling that way, and then blood rushes in his ears, and his therapist has to call in Emory to help, because no one else can get through to Lux in panicking dad mode, not even someone with a doctorate in these things.

Terrible feverish thoughts have taken over. Lux watches in horror, tear-flooded eyes aimed up toward the ceiling, as Penny is tossed down the stairs. Tumbling across the steps, crashing into the concrete floor, scrambling to cower against a wall as a much bigger form descends into the darkness.

“I’m sorry,” Croaks Lux, fingers skittering nervously over the covers as he panics. “Please, please plea-, please I can’t - you can’t, y-you can’t you can’t… I-I-I can take it, I can take it I can, please…” Penny isn’t in full detail, more a small blob that he just knows is precious. And the Hunter is coming, coming down to loom over her. His shoulders hurt, he can’t move, been stuck for so long… Lux weeps, chest hitching with congested sobs, quiet and mortified.

A hand brushing across his forehead, sliding in sweat to unstick curls from his skin. Lux shudders and waits until the hand cups at his cheek, then leans into it on cue. He can, he will do anything, anything to keep his attention. While he is being good and leaning into the touch, the Hunter isn’t looming over Penny anymore. He isn’t anywhere, really - Lux can’t see him right now, and the cellar is unfocused again… but he feels the hand on his cheek.

And one on his chest, now. Lux chokes on a ragged breath in. If the touch to his chest is that gentle, and sweeping a thumb back and forth as if to soothe, then it’s probably going to drain his lungs of air. He will sink, will sag down, floppy and breathless, weak with fever. He will be praised, his hair will be petted, and it will go on for hours.

Fresh tears sink from his lashes and wet his face, smearing when the hand lifts from his cheek to wipe them away. Lux leans into it, eyes closed, following that hand like an oxygen mask. He should, he has to. He wants to, because if he doesn’t, he might be left alone.

He’s doing a good job, he thinks he hears. It comes in as more of a hum than words. Sobs wrack his body, and he is shushed, not unkindly. The hand on his chest rubs back and forth in slow swoops.

“I can be good. I, I, I can… please…” Desperation clogs his voice and makes the pleading almost impossible to decipher. “I want, I-I, I want…”

“What do you want?” Comes the answer, and his hair is brushed back some more, a tissue swiped under his nose. Lux sniffles and waits until the hand is back on his cheek as an anchor, a guide to indicate that it is time to be sweet.

“Want… wan’... wanna be good.” It’s the right thing to say. It always is. A shiver tears through him, and Lux’s brow furrows with the throbbing of his shoulders as the shudder awakens them. “Please, please… anything, I can… please don’ hurt… ple-, I, don’t hurt, an-nyone else…”

It was the wrong thing to say. He knows it instantly, a second before the hands are yanked away. Lux’s throat is stuffed with despair, a sob lurching out of him, mortified tears spilling quicker as soon as he’s done something wrong. It’s palpable in the air. Did he just secure a punishment for Penelope? Will her first lesson, her first time with the whip, be because he was begging wrong?

~

“Pen is safe. Pen is safe.” The bathroom door is pulled shut, and locked, and no one can get in to interrupt his self-soothing. Emory paces, back and forth across the tile floor, flexing his hands. “Pen is safe, it’s okay. It’s okay to leave my kid in a safe room for a minute. She’s a big girl. It’s okay, you don’t hold a baby when you’re mad, you… don’t talk to your kid when you might yell, you, aw fuck… okay, you don’t - don’t have hands on him when he’s trying to be good.” Emory pivots, suddenly, to yank the sink on and shove his hands under the cold water. “You don’t hold a baby when you’re mad. You put it down. You don’t… you pull over when you’re crying.” He isn’t crying, right now, and it’s infuriating. He has to whisper all of this because it would sound angry, to anyone else, but he isn’t angry, he’s scared. He’s scared.

“Pen is safe, Lux is safe.” His hands get a good, panicked scrub, and then his face. The cold is doing something, helping. “He’s survived, fuck… nightmares, flashbacks, fevers.” They had to skip shoulder rotations this morning, with the fever setting in, and now those shoulders have to feel like crushed up concrete grinding against gravel. The sheets are soaked with sweat out there, and he needs water, and to get his temperature taken again… “But you don’t hold a baby when you’re mad. You don’t drive when you’re crying. Don’t… just… it’s fine. It’s fine, he knows. He knows he’s safe. I’m not… I don’t…” The Emory in the mirror finally gets a glance, which turns into a glare.

“He needs help,” Emory scolds. “You know that? Like, real help. Somebody else could be okay, freaking out with a fever. But it’s real to him. In his head, what he’s seeing… it’s real to him. A fucking - a veteran, with flashbacks at fireworks, and stuff, he’d get help. This is Lux’s fireworks, this is… he sees it, he feels it, he’s… he’s back there.” Knees wobbling, Emory sinks down to sit on the floor with a huff. “Okay. Fuck, okay, guess we’re sitting.”

His therapist would say… what would he say? He’d say the oxygen mask thing. God, he hates the oxygen mask thing. Because like hell he wouldn’t put an oxygen mask on Penny first, then Lux, then himself, if they were in a crashing plane. How could he not make sure his little girl got saved first? How could he try to breathe before Lux, knowing what he’s been through?

Knuckles rubbing anxiously over the seams between the tiles, Emory sighs, frustrated. “I get it first.” He hates saying it. It doesn’t make sense, when he feels this worked up. “I get it first. So they get theirs. So stupid…” His palms press to his eyes, and Emory sighs. If he focuses, he can smell the air freshener that needs replacing in here. He should crack the window open sometime, to smell the summer air, too. “...He’s not a kid.” It’s annoying to have to explain to himself, but it’s all that works against the drive to rush back out there and scoop up his husband. “Thirty-four, paying taxes, PTA meetings… we’re not kids. He knows, he knows… he’ll know, he’s safe.”

[spookysteddie]

Between The Bookshelves

18+ Minors DNI

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader (Slightly modern AU cause I just cant help myself)

Content Warnings: bullying, Eddie kinda threatens to punch Dustin, mutual pining, Eddie talks bad about himself, slight self loathing, a mention of vomit (no actual sickness), public displays of affection, kissing, kissing in public, implications of sex, swearing.

A/N: reupload due to a formatting error 🥰

…

Everyone said being friends with Eddie Munson was social suicide. That talking to the “freak” would ruin a person image, and furthermore, their life.

It was quite ridiculous. Sure, Eddie did a good job of making fun of himself, therefore making it harder for anyone to realistically bully him. He took the story in his own hands, something you thought was sweet. And to be perfectly honest, you thought he was cute. Of course that was something you kept to yourself… sort of.

Eddie’s yelling is what pulls your attention that day at lunch, “THAT’S WHAT’S KILLING THE KIDS!” He lets some cheerleaders walk past him, smiling at them warmly. You cant help but laugh. Not at him, per say.

Your friends sneer, looking at him like hes not more than dirt on the bottom of their shoe, “he’s sincerely so annoying. If he didn’t fuck around, he might actually be cute.” Piper has a habit of hating anyone who is different from her. That wasn’t unusual.

But that also wasn’t how you rolled. Sure, you were friends, but it didn’t mean you condoned that behavior. “Piper, don’t talk like that. You just don’t like him cause he’s different and loud.” Now its your turn to roll your eyes at her.

“Why are you sticking up for him? Do you see the way he acts? He’s just as much of a bully as the basketball players are.” Jason mutters from beside you. It was frustrating talking to people who couldn’t accept that someone is different from them.

So, you get up, tossing the rest of your uneaten lunch in the trash and deciding to take a walk. You couldn’t stand your friends, but you also didn’t want to drop them. Making friends wasn’t easy and the last thing you wanted was to be eating alone at lunch. So, you dealt with it. They never said anything to anyone they disliked so you figured they wouldn’t be that bad.

You wrap your arms around yourself, walking deeper into the woods. You couldn’t wait to graduate, leaving Hawkins behind to go to a college in a warm climate.

You hit something hard, making you let out a small yelp.

“Oh! I am so sorry I wasn’t… paying attention.” Eddie Munson is staring down at you, holding your arms and keeping you steady.

You laugh awkwardly, your face growing warm from embarrassment, you should’ve been watching where you were going, “N-no I should be sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” You can practically feel the lightening coming from the spots where he is holding you.

And you’re almost sad when he lets go, immediately missing his heat as he steps back, “have nothing to be sorry ‘bout sweetheart. I’m the one who needs to be more careful. Don’t wanna mark up your pretty skin.” He shooks you a wink and a little smile. And it’s then that you realize just how devastatingly beautiful you find him?

“I- I better get to fourth period. Ms. Carlisle will kill me if I’m late.” You mutter, your eyes barely meeting his, arms still wrapped around yourself.

“Be safe out there sweetheart, there are some scary men in this school.” He laughs a little, awkwardly tapping your shoulder in a friendly way. You know he’s referring to himself, but little did he know, you didn’t find him scary in the slightest.

…

It’s been close to three days since Eddie’s little encounter with you in the woods. And he hasn’t stopped thinking about you since. Of course, he hasn’t stopped thinking about you since fifth grade when you gave him a Valentine with his favorite candy at the schools Valentine’s Day party.

He knows it’s stupid, he just doesn’t care.

Well, that and the fact that he knows you could never like someone like him. Because, frankly, being friends with him equaled social suicide. And dating him? Practically the end of the world. And he couldn’t lie, that knowledge did kind of hurt him. But he would never show it, nor tell anyone. He only had a few months before he was finally out of that shit hole they called Hawkins high.

But, he couldn’t deny the electricity he felt in his finger tips as he steadied you. It wasn’t anything he’s ever felt before but it damn sure was something he wanted to feel again.

“Dude what is wrong with you today?” Dustin hits his elbow off the table, nearly making Eddie smack his face.

Jokingly, he punches Dustin in the arm, “nothing? I’m just super stressed about passing. S’all.”

They all know that’s bullshit, “Dude you’ve been staring that they girl over there like a god damn stalker. You like her or somethin’?”

He knew he could easily lie. In fact, that’s exactly what he should’ve done. But he doesn’t, knowing Dustin would eventually draw it out of him. “Okay kind of? But I barely know her. And besides, she wont like me back so I’m not worryin’ myself with it. Frankly, I wanna get the fuck out of this school.”

That was the truth. He needed out, and he needed it now. But he wouldn’t drop out. No way. He swore he’d never be like his father and he meant it. He was graduating even if it damn near kills him.

Dustin looks over at Mike, rolling his eyes and muttering a “he’s as oblivious as we thought.”

Eddie rears back, a little shocked, “I am not oblivious?”

Mike nods, taking a sip of his drink, “yes you are. She’s been sneaking look at you all lunch. And she looks away every time you guys lock eyes. Theoretically, you guys should just kiss in front of the entire school. Be less painful to watch then this…” he waves his hand around “this pining shit.”

Alls Eddie can do is blink at them, truly stunned that he was caught staring by his friends. And here he thought he was slick.

“Did you knuckleheads not hear a god damn thing I said?”

Dustin shakes his head, “we heard you. Just go get her number! She’s a girl. She isnt going to bite you… Well she might but only if you ask really, really nicely.” He flutters his lashes at Eddie, creeping in closer and grinning wildly

Eddie squints at him, “get away from me before I knock ya teeth out.”

“You’re a dick,” but he laughs anyway, knowing Eddie would never.

…

It’d been nearly a week now since you ran into Eddie. And since then, he’s done all he can to avoid you. You figured it was because he didn’t like you. That was until you caught him staring at you from the lunch table.

You also may have overheard the conversation. The tables were close enough.

And now, you had made the executive choice to get his number, maybe even invite him on a picnic.

“E-Eddie!” you call out to him, stopping him before he can get in his van.

He turns around, that devastatingly beautiful smile appearing. It nearly knocks you to the ground.

“Sweetheart! Hi. What can I do for you?” His voice light and sweet.

You cant help the shyness that creeps in. You always got nervous when you talked to others, more so people you didn’t know. Rejection wasn’t something you liked. Rocking on your toes, you take a deep breath, trying to remain cool, calm and collected.

“I, um…” you start quietly. “I just wanted to give you this… you don’t have to do anything with it. I mean, if you throw it away that-that’s your prerogative. But, um, if-if you didn’t do that… then feel free to use it!” You cut yourself off before you can ramble further. Piper told you that it’s annoying and unattractive which is the last thing you want to be to Eddie. You shakily hand him the paper, watching him open and smile at it.

“Aw, is this your number?” He’s not infantilizing you as he says it. He genuinely seems excited, though you can tell he’s trying to keep those feeling reigned in.

You nod, happy that he took it and didn’t reject you… yet. “It is. We should hang out sometime. Maybe see a movie or get ice cream.” You shrug, “ya know… whatever you think is fun.”

He smiles wider, making his eye crinkle a little. It’s cute. HE’S cute. And you knew that he could break your heart. But it didn’t matter. He could chew you up and spit you out and you’d thank him.

“I’ll let you know when I’m free.” And before you can answer, he hops in his van and drives away.

You take it as a win, for now.

…

Eddie cant deny the feeling inside his chest. It’s a mix of anxiety and pure delight. You actually gave him your number. AND invited him to hang out. And all he said was “I’ll let you know.”

“Idiot. You should’ve made plans right there. You’re such a pussy.” He berates himself as he drives.

Truly, he didn’t understand how someone like you would want to ruin her life with someone like him. I mean, its not like he was actually going to do something extravagant in life.

Or well, that is according to his teachers.

But that didn’t matter. All Eddie knew was that you gave him your number and, to him, it didn’t seem like a pity action. To him, it was genuine and insanely cute how nervous you were. It was then that he decided he was going to get you to stick around for as long as you’d have him.

…

Were you terrified he wasn’t going to call you? Yes.

Were you scared giving him your number was a mistake? Absolutely.

Did you lie awake all night waiting for him to call you? Maybe. Jury was still out on that one.

You looked over at your alarm clock that read 3:03 am. The witching hour. You couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed, feeling like you possibly read the situation wrong.

But you felt the electricity in his touch and the emotion in his eyes. Those are things you cant fake.

The ringing phone pulled you from your spiraling. You were quick to answer, praying it didn’t wake up your parents.

“Hello?” You answer, keeping your voice slightly quiet.

“Sweetheart, hi! Its um, its Eddie.” You could hear the nervousness in his voice. Kind of like he had been fighting with himself on if he should call you or not.

You cant help but grin, it may be late but he did call you, “well hello there! I thought I’d maybe written my number down wrong or something.” You giggle a little so he knows you’re joking with him.

“Now that would be funny. But, um, I know it’s late and we have class tomorrow but I didn’t know if after you wanted to maybe get smoothies? I know you like reading so maybe go to the book store? If-if you want?” Nerves clear in his voice.

The gesture was sweet, making little butterflies in your stomach. You, hanging out with Eddie Munson? A dream come true, honestly.

“I’d love that! Maybe I can convince you to read a book with me, like a little book club or something like that.”

He laughs, the sound washing over you and settling deep in your bones. You could listen to that sound on repeat; bottle it up and keep it for a rainy day. “We’ll see.” So not technically a no. Again, you’d take it as a win.

…

Eddie spent that entire school day distracted, nerves eating him up inside.

What if you didn’t like him?

What if you thought he was too weird?

What if you ran away screaming?

What if-

“Earth to Eddie? Hello?!” Dustin snaps in his face, drawing him out of his self loathing.

“Don’t snap at me like that. S’rude.”

Dustin rolls his eyes, “you’ve been bouncing your leg for the last twenty minutes, staring at the lunch table, looking like you’re about to vomit…” His eyes grow big with realization, “Which means you asked out y/n, huh?” Now hes giddy, staring at Eddie with those big eyes.

Eddie waves a hand, trying to pretend like it wasn’t a big deal, even though to him it was, “if you must know, yeah. We’re hangin’ out after school.”

Mike perks up, grinning at his friend, “oooooh, look at you go! Where are you taking her?”

Eddie grumbles a little, but he deny it kind of makes him happy his friends care. Kind of being the key word. Mainly because, he didn’t want them to do something to fuck up his chances with you. He already knew the ‘risk’ you were taking by giving him your number. He didn’t want you to slip through his fingers before he even had a chance to hold you.

“Were getting smoothies and going to the book store.”

The table is quiet for a minute, everyone staring at him before they all burst out laughing. He knows they aren’t necessarily laughing at him, but it does make him feel a tiny bit annoyed.

“You cant be serious? You don’t read.” Dustin says between laughs.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “just because I don’t read the books this prison makes me read, doesn’t mean I don’t like it.” He shrugs, “I read magazines all the time.”

“That’s not the same.” Mike teases.

Eddie shrugs, “whatever. That’s what she likes so that’s what we’re doing. I’ll make sure to come back with a detailed report considering you all got your noses in my… dating life.”

The table laughs some more before Eddie swaps the topic. But his mind is still occupied on one thing.

You.

…

“Ready to go, sweetheart?” Eddie comes up next to you after the bell rings, letting everyone go home for the day.

You grin up at him, enjoying the way his eyes light up when you’re around. “Absolutely! I’m so excited. My favorite author just released a new book so this is perfect timing! It’s a continuation of a series I already read and I’m pumped for the new one.” His attention makes you ramble, meaning you’re nervous. You mentally slap yourself, not wanting to scare him away on the first… whatever this was. Date? Friendly gesture?

He opens the door for you, letting you climb in before coming around to his side. “Well that sounds very exciting and I cant wait to hear all about it.”

…

You sip your smoothie as you peruse the aisles, scanning the shelves for the book, “this one?” Eddie holds up the book you’ve been lookin for, triumph on his face.

You grin, skipping over to him and gently taking it from his hands, flipping through. “Oh my god that’s the one! You’re amazing!” You get up on your tiptoes and kiss his cheek before you can think about it.

You pull away, realizing what you just did. You can feel your face get warm, Eddie’s growing red from a blush.

“I’m amazing? Nah, you are.” He gets closer, boxing you in against the bookshelf. No one was around, you knew that, but you can’t deny the excitement of someone seeing you two. Obviously nothing nefarious was happing, but the point stands.

“You-you are amazing too. So s-sweet.” Your eyes shift between his lips and his eyes. Gods, you wanted to kiss him. You’d wanted to kiss him for so long. And here he was, so close you could feel his body heat sinking into your bones. His smell engulfing you. It made you dizzy, but you didn’t want it to stop.

“Me? Sweet? According to everyone else I’m mean and scary.” You know he’s teasing, but the soft flash of self doubt flashes in his eyes, leaving just as fast as it came.

You shake your head, trying to swallow the knot in your throat. It didn’t work. “You’ve never been mean and scary. Always been so kind and sweet. Perfect.” Your voice comes out embarrassingly breathy, quieter than you wanted it to.

Eddie didn’t seem to mind. In fact, it only served to bring him closer to you, his lips inches from yours. You silently begged for him closer. For him to close the gap and just fucking kiss you already. “Perfect? No ones ever called me that before.”

You nod, “perfect. Just so, so perfect.” You decide to take the lead, closing the gap between you and him, brushing your lips over his to test the waters.

You feel his breath hitch before he melts into it. His hands wrapping around the back of your neck to hold you in place. The kiss is sweet, his lips soft and plump against yours.

Of course you’d been kissed before, but this kiss? This kiss felt like coming home. A feeling only talked about between the pages of your books.

He deepens it, tongue softly running over the seam of your mouth begging for entry. And the second your grant it, he’s exploring your mouth. You aren’t sure why, but you can feel the emotion in it. The way he’s holding you, like you’re sand that’s going to slip away when the tide comes in.

But you wouldn’t. Not unless he asked you to.

He breaks the kiss, panting slightly. His lips swollen and beautiful. “Wow” is all he can say as his eyes find yours.

You nod, “wow is right.” You don’t really know what else to say.

You can his mind working, trying to think of something to say. And then, “why me?” His soft voice almost too quiet to hear.

“Because you’re uniquely you.” You know it sounds cheesy, but it’s the truth. He deserved to know he was appreciated. “You make the bad days good. I’m always laughing when you’re around. And you’re just incredibly kind.” You shrug, “I wish more people got to know you like this.”

A soft smile pulls at the corner of his lips, “wanna know a secret?”

Your eyes get big and you nod quickly at him. If there was one thing you loved, it was secrets.

“I’ve had a crush on you since our fifth grade Valentine’s Day party in Ms. Kathys class.” You watch his cheeks go pink at the admission.

A small giggle bubbles in your chest, “I asked so many people what kind of candy you liked because I wanted you to notice me. I sort of had a crush on you too. And it never really went away.”

He kisses you again. This time its short, just a peck, but to you it’s just as sweet as the first one. “Maybe we can act on our crushes. Actually date.” He laughs awkwardly, “make our fifth grade selves proud?”

“Eddie Munson are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” You smile so big at him, the butterflies filling your veins when he smiles back.

“I am. I think we’d be a good match. Plus, I want in on this book club. The back of this book seems very interesting.” He wiggles his brows and your face grows hot at his implication.

“Then lets get two and head to my place. We can start the first ones.”

He smirks, kissing you once more before taking your hand, “I couldn’t be more excited.”

[xoxoalette]

Maybe its only me who noticed this but is Eddie the fan favorite on here? I feel sad for Diva so lets give her some love and attention too! Are there any interesting facts about her that you want to share with us? Leave Eddie at home today lol

This is more of a personal one but does it ever bother you (the creator) when fans ask about Eddie more than Diva? You don’t have to answer this part if its too personal

Eddie sure is a fan favorite yeah !! I wouldn’t say it bothers me— I do get a bit sad but Ik the community prefers yandere men over women, so it makes sense for everyone to levitate towards Eddie. Not to mention I haven’t really done Diva any justice with my writing ^^

There have been times where I considered changing Diva’s sex but eh, I like her how she is rn :3 I just gotta work on her character

But onto the facts !!

Diva actually owns a collection of guns, her grandfather enjoys them and she picked up that interest from him. He’s also where she gets her interest in cars from !! She also has pretty scary aim.

Diva also does cam services, and it’s how she makes a lot of her income— glucose benefactors, onlyfans. That being said— she does it just for fun and would have no problem quitting once she got a partner and they voiced their discomfort towards it. That being said— Diva would not do twitch streaming, idk she’s just not v into gaming streams, so she’d probably get a job related to fashion/marketing.

I think a lot of people missed this since I’ve only mentioned it a few times and waaaay back— but Diva has a large scar on her back due to conflict with Eddie in the past. While she holds no grudge against him, I don’t think she cares too much about how he’s still hung up over it. (Not in like ‘get over it’ kinda way but like, ‘it’s not my problem’)

Diva doesn’t live in the same town as Eddie, she moved after getting a scholarship to a university a few towns north, so she lives in a city that’s a few hours away. While Diva typically comes off as a bimbo and almost airheaded, she’s very smart and it comes more naturally unlike Eddie who has to actually study.

Cannot cook, can barely bake. It’s just not in her genes and she has a hard time following recipes because she can be pretty lazy geehee… so she typically eats out or someone she knows cooks for her.

And here’s some things I’ve been thinking of rewriting/adding to her character:

Under read more cause I’m typing on my phone and done know how long this post actually is 😋 keep in mind, the canons below might not be set in stone

Cw:

Diva is still very social and bubbly, and she’s extremely friendly. It’s her natural personality, but also— it sure helps draw people closer, and those she’s interested in even closer.

Not to mention when someone likes you, they’re more malleable. Diva’s thoughts not mine !!

Her toxic trait? Poking a bear with a stick. But not in the sense that she wants to get people mad at her— in fact, it goes the other way, she wants to see how far she can push someone when they’re into her.

Unlike Eddie who is repulsed by his violent tendencies, ever since Diva moved to the city, she’s had bad influences. But at least when she needs people to disappear she knows who to call. There’s no blood or dirt on her hands. Usually.

Maybe she isn’t a yandere after all, maybe she is. All that matters to her is how far you can prove how much you love her :)

She wouldn’t stalk MC babes actively, but she would so put an AirTag on one of their possessions without them knowing just so if she did want to check on them, she can check her phone.

Impulsive. Impulsive impulsive impulsive. You’d think because she’s smart she’d make better choices, but Diva is only human.

[cerastes]

It’s great that IS4 will have better distributed and more “fun” oriented intensifiers (called ‘Natures’ in this case, until they release an official term, if they change it). Waves in IS3 were, to be frank, rather shoddily implemented, starting with the way Arts damage gets kneecapped horribly bad. In IS4, it’s instead a general, smaller Damage Reduction for both Phys and Arts.

The Hope handicap in IS3 was the reason a good amount of people didn’t really even try or stuck to People Skills squad: it was too early, too much

3* non-reserves cost 1 Hope. That immediately changes how IS is played at a fundamental level: Kroos 3* is a great addition to any team because of her innate good damage, spinach compatibility, and 0 cost… But is she worth that precious 1 Hope when your 6* mainliners will cost a whooping 7 Hope? Suddenly that Reserve Sniper seems a whole lot better at 0 cost. It’s a pretty big ask at Waves 4: Even if you only consider Waves 7 as the max difficulty for the purposes of scoring, that’s still way early to throw such a huge change into the mix. Nature 6 seems more apt, and note it only affects 4* and up. I think it’s a step in the right direction; at Waves 4, using Reserves is fine, but at Waves 13 and up, by the time enemies receive their Floor 2 buffs, that’s already a stat heft the Reserves will struggle to compete with, and they have no Skill to even the field. Yes, Waves 8 and above is flexing and testing your own limits, but this can and should also be fun, and getting Hope-starved so badly is a huge turn off to a lot of people, so they use People Skills squad. Then they get bored because using anything but People Skills squad on Waves 4 and above means dealing with the Hope drought.

I also would like if they made Natures more apparent in the UI tbh. This is definitely not an HG blunder, but a concerning amount of people didn’t know (maybe don’t know) that there’s a ladder of difficulties in IS3, because AK players hate reading or are allergic to tutorial text or some other phenomenon, so I had plenty of anons saying IS3 was easier than IS2 and in the same ask asking what these Waves I spoke of were.

All in all, I hope IS4 ends up feeling better than IS3. I do like IS3, but it was a bit of a letdown, to be dorothy frank. I think the Seaborn aesthetic was not really used to its fullest (maps are boring slates of light blue with a pretty boring bgm). It was fun grinding out the Week 1 Waves 15 clear, but after that, it didn’t grab me nearly as hard as IS2 did with it’s excellent aesthetic and replayability.

When it comes to bosses and minibosses: IS3 minibosses are kiiiinda mid. IS2’s Golem and Jetman are fun, the Clown was scary depending on your build, the… Shooty dude was mid, and IS3 midbosses feel like him for the most part.

I like Highmore Boss more than Phantom Boss, I think Highmore is a really good boss and map. Last Knight is the single most miserable boss to fight in the game and very boring even when you know what to do, and somehow worse than Big Sad Lock. Ishar-mla is fine, not bad, not very good, just fine, which is a bit of a letdown for me, considering Mouthpiece is one of my favorite bosses in the game. Jury’s still out on Boss #4, hope it’s good, Playwright isn’t phenomenal but he’s good.

My thoughts on the state of IS3. Though these are various criticisms I have for it, I do wish to note: it’s still a fun mode, and I think a great learning experience: balancing a roguelike or roguelite is not easy and it wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be, but it’s still a fun game mode.