#LIKE SHIT AND BANANA OIL

[jazzyartsssss]

ITS LET PAPYRUS SAY FUCK DAY!!!!

From @insanelyadd ‘s post

ALSO PEER PRESSURE ADULTS INTO GIVING US COOL DUDE SHIRTS NYEH

[artists-ally]

Can you please write some more Azriel smut with his mate thank you !!!

{Bow} Azriel X Reader

Oh babes, you ask and you shall receive. Y'all went fucking BANANAS with my last Az smut, so here ya go you filthy sluts (i'm the filthiest slut there is i write this shit) Also you cannot convince me that Az isn't a dom. Enjoy!! Title from this song

Word Count: 2,869

Warnings: smut, spanking, spitting, choking, praise kink, breeding kink, possessive behavior, bondage, dom/sub vibes

Tagging: @librafairy @needylilgal022

Summary: Azriel goes a little feral after the mating bond snaps into place.

I knew it was going to happen. I could feel it coming. Just one of those once-in-a-lifetime feelings when you just know something is going to happen. There wasn’t anything I could do to warn Az since he was on the other end of the continent in Illyria. 

But my bones buzzed when he told me he was coming home. It was just a caress down the bond, a flicker of his shadow around my hand to let me know, but it was intense. I didn’t know if he knew or not, but I certainly did. 

“Okay, why are you pacing around?” Mor snapped me out of my thoughts. 

“I think it’s going to happen. Like today,” I said through a hurried breath. Mor squealed and I flinched, the sound doing nothing to help the vein pulsing in my head. 

“Oh my gods oh my gods I cannot believe it!” She jumped up and down. “Finally.”

“Hey,” I frowned slightly. “It’s not our fault. And we both agreed we’d wait until it felt right to pursue it. Who knew it would take two and a half years.”

“Can I say how proud of you I am for waiting? I could never be that patient,” Mor grabbed me by my shoulders. “I am so happy for you, Yn. No one in Prythian deserves this more than you two.” “Thanks,” I smiled sweetly, taking her hands in mine. I inhaled sharply and let it out. “What do I do?”

“You need to make him something to eat,” Mor hurried out, dragging me out of the living room of the Townhouse and into the kitchen. “What’s his favorite thing to eat?”

I thought for a moment, stuffing down the urge to say me and trying to think of a legit response. “He has always loved those pork dumplings I made for Solstice one year.”

“Perfect,” Mor ran around and grabbed the ingredients I listed off. “Let's make this the most memorable meal of his life!”

For about an hour I kneaded and folded the little dumplings into half circles, filling them with pork and vegetables before sealing them and dropping them in a pan. I was filled with so much excitement that the normally terrifying process of splattering oil didn't faze me. It was so hard to think about anything other than Azriel and what we’d do later tonight. Hopefully, anyway. 

I remember what Feyre told me about her and Rhys. What Cassian said about him and Nesta. That it had been a fury of teeth and tongues and touches. That there wasn’t any time to be wasted. The want. The primal need for each other and how brutal it was. But how satisfying and soul-bonding it was. 

Quite literally.

I finished the last of them up, plating the others for when he got home. He was getting closer; the shadow he always left me with was writhing between my fingers, circling around my wrist. 

“Okay, I will make sure everything is tidy and then I’m gone. And I will make sure no one comes within a three mile radius of this place for the next week. Or until you send word Azriel isn’t going to rip someone's head off.”

I rolled my eyes, “We’ll be fine. He’s almost here so get out.” “Good luck,” she winked, disappearing behind the corner. The front door opened and closed and I watched her winnow away. 

Why am I so nervous? It isn’t like it’s our first date all over again. He has seen the most intimate parts of my body, the most intricate parts of my mind and yet I was shivering with anticipation. Not nerves– excitement. 

I can hear the mighty beat of his wings as he approaches, and I see him land in the back garden, pushing his wind-blown hair off his forehead. My heart is at a furious pace. Gods he looks… it’s like I’m seeing him all over again. For the first time. All those thoughts and feelings rushing into me. 

There isn’t a fucking doubt in my mind that this is going to happen. 

Azriel draws open the back door and turns his head to the left, then to the right to find me motionless in the kitchen. “Yn…”

He says my name in the same breathless way he has since he learned what it was years ago. Our eyes lock and he shuts the door behind him. Azriel doesn’t waste a single second, scooping me up and drawing me in tight against his chest. He smells of the slight salt and lemon of the Sidra, but deep down his natural, rugged scent washes over me. 

“I have to stop taking such long trips to the Camp,” Azriel grumbles a laugh, pressing his lips to the top of my head. He takes a deep breath, then releases it. When I don’t respond– or chuckle alongside him– he draws back. “Yn?”

All I can do is look at him. His eyes are impossibly green at this moment. All the flecks of gold and amber igniting them. My chest is tight and the edges of my control are slipping. 

He furrows his brows, “Is everything…” And the words die on his tongue. 

It’s like Prythian tilts and slides into the sea. Down down down we go with it. I might’ve actually gasped with the crack that formed in my chest, breath still in my throat. 

It’s not the shimmering gold or tether of silver Feyre and Nesta had described. It is an inky black tendril of shadow that I can see, that I can feel, as clear as day. And right there, tied to the other end, is Azriel. Mate mate mate is the only hum I feel besides the roar of hope. Of promise. Of forever. 

Azriel shudders a breath, staggering a step back, eyes blinking as rapidly as his chest moves. His hands are digging into the sides of my arms. “Y-Yn-”

“I feel it,” I finished his unasked question. I nod again, forcing myself to believe that this is actually happening. He nods back, eyes never leaving mine. “I thought that I could feel it coming. Like- like this huge build up in my chest and… almost like a doorway? Like I could see the door but didn’t quite know how to unlock it.”

Azriel doesn’t say anything for a long few beats. “Mates…”

I nod. “Mates.”

It’s like saying it outloud solidified it because only after that did the burn for him become unbearable. It was untamed and wild and feral, just like Feyre had said it would be. Before we wrecked everything in the kitchen, I dropped his hands from my body and walked to the counter. 

I held out the plate of homemade dumplings and presented them to Azriel. His eyes looked from the plate and back up to me. 

He looked hungry. Not for the dumplings– most definitely not for the dumplings. I wonder what it feels like for him. If he’s as desperate as I am. As eager and impatient. If he can barely stand the two feet between us like I do. 

Azriel’s fingers are trembling as he plucks one of the dumplings off the plate and brings it to his mouth. In any other scenario I’d find it weird as he doesn’t look away while he chews… but his scent is driving me in-fucking-sane and I can't look away. 

I think it’s safe to say that he doesn’t taste it, practically swallowing it whole. The plate of dumplings are on the floor the next second and a gasp leaves my mouth. His hand is fisted in my hair, mouth covering mine. 

Fuck me. Feyre wasn’t joking about everything feeling different. About feeling better. 

I pressed onto my toes and looped my arm around the back of his neck. He grabbed the backs of both my thighs and hauled me onto his hips. 

“Mate,” Azriel growled out. “My mate, my mate.”

My ass hit the counter and the canister of spoons and utensils crashed to the floor. I went to look, but Az gripped my throat and forced me to look back at him. He looked wild. Like pure instinct had taken over. 

“Az-”

“You’re fucking mine,” he spoke through clenched teeth. “All fucking mine.”

“All yours, Az,” I breathed out, his thumb pulling down my bottom lip. I sucked on it, tears springing into my eyes when he shoved it further down my throat. I watched the grin spread across his face. “All mine,” I said with equal possession. 

“Only you have that power now, Yn. The power to bring me to my knees. I do not bend to anyone except you. Always you. Forever you.”

My heart swelled before his lips were back on mine, tongue curling with mine in haste. His hands worked their way down my thighs, spreading them apart. I shuddered at the feeling of him against my core, cock already hard and pulsing against me. 

His scent– lightning hot with a touch of cinnamon– cascaded around me, blooming into the air and making my body react in a way I didn’t know it could. I scratched at the edges of his fighting leathers, desperate for his body against mine. Azriel reached for the straps, sliding them through the buckles with five centuries of experience and effortless precision. 

The material gave away and fell to the floor and there was nothing but his tattooed skin in my hands. Nails clawing up his back and shoulders, I couldn’t get closer if I tried. I needed closer. I Needed him inside me like I needed water or the sun. 

My body was thinking for me, hands fumbling with my bottoms as he ripped off his. Even as much as I didn’t want to draw away from his mouth, I couldn’t help the curiosity to look at him. 

I dipped my eyes down, seeing a few beads of slick slip from his body, coating the tip of him. I reached down, even more desperate for a taste than I had been for the feeling of his lips on mine. 

Az watched with a predatory look etched in his eyes. I gathered it and brought my finger to my mouth, the taste of him settling in my bones. He tasted how he always did, but there was just something more satisfying about it now. The confirmation that for the rest of our lives I would be able to have every part of him. Whenever I wanted. 

He couldn’t wait. And I didn’t blame him. In another heartbeat I was flipped over and on my stomach, knees knocking into the cabinet below. His hands tore the rest of the material from my body and the scraps gave away. 

He was panting. I’ve never heard him be this vocal. Or this destructive. “Hold still.” He commanded, pressing on the middle of my back to get me to stop squirming.

I obeyed. 

His hands spread my ass apart and I heard his tongue working in his mouth. I gasp when he spits onto my already soaked cunt, spreading it around with his fingers. He lands a crack to my ass with his palm next and I grit my teeth together, whining when he does it again. 

“Fucking mine,” He snarls, and I feel the tip of his chock slide over my clit. There is the familiar sting that comes with his size as he presses all the way in, not giving me the time to adjust like he normally would. 

But Cauldron damn me if I actually cared. I need him inside me. Need to feel every inch of his length until I couldn’t feel him at all. 

My body was vibrating, as was his. He pulled out and rocked back in, nails dragging down my spine. He let out a dark laugh, void of any real tenderness. “Gods I am going to fucking ruin you, Yn. Yeah you like that don’t you? Fuck.”

I cried out. My body was on fire. Every single hair on my skin stood up on end as he claimed me. Every part of my mind and body and soul melded together with Azriels with each snap of his hips. 

It was not soft. Or sweet. Or comfortable. We were both satisfying an ancient need for each other in every way possible. That door with his shadow leading me was wide open, and it was like I could see into his mind. Through his eyes, I looked at my marked body.

The noises tore through me as did my release. I convulsed around him, arching up and into the momentum as he rocked into me. In seconds I was lifted off the counter, still shuddering around his cock when we landed on the floor. 

Azriel hauled my ass into the hollow of his hips and hit places so deep inside me I didn’t know how to breathe. 

He was a panting, shaking mess behind me. 

“Mine,” he murmured against my neck, teeth grazing the skin. “You’re doing such a good job, taking my cock like that.”

I whimpered as he forced my hips to meet his. He leaned over my body and I felt a few drops of sweat trickle onto my skin. He pushed my chest flat against the floor and I wasn’t entirely sure that my spine wasn’t going to break with the force. With one hand pinning my shoulder, the other ripped my hair back, creating the most painful yet pleasurable angle. 

Shadows whirled around my body, ghosting every inch to stimulate me beyond anything I thought possible. All reason left my mind. I was his, and he was mine. His body, his soul… it was all mine. He was giving himself to me, just like I was giving myself to him. 

Every push of his body into mine drew sounds I didn’t know we could make. At this angle I could feel how much bigger he was than me. Knowing that if he wanted to he could easily over power my body without lifting a finger. 

For a second time my body overtook my mind, leaving me no choice to follow its lead. I shook and cried out, chanting his name over and over again as I came a second time in only a few minutes. 

“Fucking look at you,” Azriel said, easing up on his lod of my hair. “Taking my cock like it’s nothing. You are doing such a good job, Yn. Gonna fucking breed you. Aww, you’d like that, hmm? I can feel you clenching, feel how much you want it.”

I nodded, not able to form any words. 

Azriel turned me over on my back and pinned my knees to the floor with his shadows. That same darkness curled around my wrists and sealed them above my head while his hands worked my nipples, my clit. 

I couldn’t thrash even if I wanted to. His teeth left marks along my chest, the muscles in his shoulders rippling as he forced his cock into me at a brutal pace. 

“Oh fuck,” he whimpered. “F-fuck yes, Gods you feel so fucking hot.”

I did my best to tighten around him, and judging by the way his hips stuttered, I did a good job. The muscles around his ribs and abdomen flared, the veins in his arms pushing to the surface. 

“I can’t-” he heaved for a breath, mumbling curses and pleas. “Can’t hold on anymore.”

“Let go,” I beg, new tears spilling down my cheeks. “Fill me up.”

Azriel was a mess of gasping breaths and praise as he focused all his motion. Every hard ridge of his body was constricted and convulsing with power as he cursed again, head dipped low, breath fanning over my chest and neck. 

My mind melted as I felt the bond snap into place even deeper. There had been a mental connection earlier, but this was the physical side. Azriel’s front draped over mine as he came deep inside me, his thighs shaking as he fucking into me over and over and over, cum trickling out with each new push of his cock into my aching cunt. 

“That’s a good girl… there you go,” he slurred his words, drunk off the feeling of his release. I could feel it as if it was my own. Feel his claim on my body as if it was my own. “Take it all. All fucking mine. Such a good mate. Taking all my cum so fucking good.”

I moaned, fingers and toes tingling as he took his weight off my chest and sat up. Sweat gleamed his body. My eyes were blurry, but I could still see the need in his eyes. 

I swallowed, the high of it all settling in. His hands roamed over my body, up around the creases of my still bound thighs, and up my sides. 

After a few more short gasps, his hand was gripping my chin. “I am not letting you out of the fucking bed until no one is able to tell our scents apart again. Everyone is gonna know that you’re mine. My mate, and everyone will know I am yours.”

[somanyratsinthewalls]

Curiosity Killed the Cat (+18)

Pairing: Massacre Soldier Killer x Female Reader

WC: 2600

Summary: You’ve never seen Killer without his mask. It’s a secret that you can’t help but need to be a part of. Your curiosity gets the best of you and Killer catches you peeping. 

TW: !SMUT PURE SELF INDULGENT SMUT! Porn with VERY LITTLE plot! fingering, p in v sex, unprotected sex, creampies, multiple orgasms, filthy talk, praise kink good girl etc, size difference. it's just porn.

**Minors DNI!!! 18+ only!!***

— — 

You had been with the Kid Pirates for half a year now and during these six months you’ve learned the inner workings of the crew and the Victoria Punk herself. You knew that the best place to take a nap was in the storeroom next to the kitchen. You knew that Heat and Wire have had a game of Dungeons and Dragons going on for the past 6 years and they play every Friday evening. You knew that Killer hated when you left food on your plate at the end of a meal claiming that “a girl needs her strength.” You knew that every morning at 10:00 AM sharp, Captain Kid would render the ship’s only bathroom unusable for at least the next hour. 

There was something that was still a mystery to you. 

You had never seen Killer without his mask. 

It was something you had wondered about ever since you first met the crew’s first mate. Was he horrifically ugly? Maybe covered in scars? Why did he hide himself from the world? He was always the kindest to you of all the Kid Pirates, making sure you were fed and had supplies you needed when you first joined the crew. Your crude captain left a lot to be desired in terms of intelligent conversation, but in contrast, Killer would inquire about the book you were reading or if you needed a late night snack. 

Tonight you were drawn into the kitchen by the delicious smell of garlic and onions being sautéed in oil and butter. You enter the galley and can’t help but flit over to the stove where Killer was diligently working. You lean over the pot of boiling pasta water and the steam feels nice on your dry, salt-worn skin. 

“Mmmmm, smells so yummy, Kil!” He was nearly a foot taller than you, so it was easy to sneak in-between him and the stove to get a better whiff of his decadent culinary creations. 

You feel his massive chest behind you vibrate as he chuckles. 

“Thank you, little one. I hope you’re hungry.” 

*SLAM* 

“Hey, that shit smells good!” Kid exclaims as he barrels into the kitchen, slightly drunk already. Killer whips his head around to look at his captain. You take this moment to lean your head back and try to peek under the gap between his chin and his mask. You strain your eyes but all you can see is darkness. Your efforts are quickly thwarted as Killer returns his attention to the stove to stir the pasta. 

“Are you making that thing I like? The spaghetti cars banana?” Kid asks as he takes a sip of his beer. 

Killer sighs. 

“Carbonara. It’s carbonara, for the last fucking time.” Killer looks down at you. “Dinner’s almost ready, why don’t you wait at the table?”

You smile up at him, searching the holes in his mask for any clue at his expression. You nod and proceed to set the dining table for the evening meal. 

— — 

After you had your fill of wine and pasta (making sure to gesture to Killer and show him your clean plate to which he gives you a playful thumbs up), you decided you’d treat yourself to a hot bath. You were sure that the rest of the crew would spend the rest of the night drinking themselves stupid so you could enjoy a quiet bath in peace. 

You stroll into the bathroom with your towel and lay it next to the tub. You put the plug in and get the hot water started. You search the cabinets for some sort of bubble bath, but end of having to settle on an unmarked bottle of body wash. You pour the soap into the bath and white, fluffy bubbles start to form on the surface of the water. 

Once the tub was full, you shut off the water and stripped yourself of your filthy, ocean-smelling clothes. You step into the steaming water one foot at a time and gently lower yourself into the bathtub. As soon as you’re settled with your head leaning against the edge of the tub you release a deep sigh. 

After a few minutes of soaking, you find yourself almost drifting off. The doorknob clicking open snapped you out of your daze. The wooden bathroom door creaked open and Killer stepped inside the bathroom. 

You instinctively cover your breasts with your hands, but it goes unnoticed by the intruder who went straight for the sink and counter on the opposite side of the room. You realize that he hasn’t even noticed your presence so you hold your breath, not wanting to startle or upset him. He stands at the sink for a moment with his hands gripping the counter. 

He then raises his hands and reaches for the back of his head. 

Oh my god. He was taking his mask off.

You were paralyzed, breath caught in your chest, eyes locked on the golden locks spilling from behind the mask. He leans down and pulls the mask off and leaves it on the counter to his right. You involuntarily slap your hand over your mouth in surprise. 

You eyes are fixed on the bathroom mirror when you see a pair of angled, sharp blue eyes staring back at you in it. 

“I know you’re there, little one.” 

You gasp. You still can’t move, stuck staring into those enchanting eyes. The only other things you could see were worn white bandages and messy blonde hair cascading from atop his head. 

“Come on out now… I want to show you something.” Killer says without turning around. 

You were mesmerized by his sweet voice, so you obeyed and stood up and stepped out of the tub. You dried off quickly and wrapped your towel around your torso before Killer interrupted you. 

“You won’t need that. Leave it. Come here.” 

You drop the towel and hesitantly approach the man at the sink, his muscles rippling in his back through his blue tee shirt. 

“Jump up here. I want you to help me take the bandages off.” Killer pats the counter to his left. 

You were frozen in place and your eyes were glued to the floor, so anxious about seeing his face. 

“Be a good girl and listen. Up.” Killer pats the counter again, more forcefully this time. 

“Yes, Kil…” You squeak and turn around and use the heels of your hands to pull yourself up onto the counter. You still would’t look up. 

“It’s ok… you can look…” Killer puts his hand over yours as it rested on the counter. You slowly raise your head and see a face covered in bandages, the only parts exposed being a thick pair of dark plum lips and those piercing eyes you saw staring at you from the mirror. You suck in a breath. 

“Here..” Killer pulls your hand and places one of the edges of the bandage in it and helped you begin to unravel it. With each pass of your hand across his face, Killer strokes up and down your bare thigh, causing you to open your legs involuntarily. 

With no sounds other than your own heavy breathing, you finally reveal Killer’s face. You gasp as you pull your hand to back your chest. He was so beautiful. His bright eyes such a contrast against his olive tanned skin. His chin was chiseled and his nose was pointed so sharply. You also notice faint scars littering his cheeks, similar to the ones on his left arm. You didn’t care, he was still handsome to you. 

“Killer… you’re… so pretty…” You reach a hand up and gingerly touch his cheek. He smiles softly. You curse him silently for keeping that smile from you for so long. He laughs and nuzzles into your hand. 

“Not as pretty as you, little one. Will you let me see you, too?”

“W-what do you mean?” You question. 

“Put your legs up, spread yourself for me.” He states as he starts bending your knees to place your feet on the counter at your sides, widely exposing your most intimate area to him. You feel blush fill your cheeks and the tip of your nose. 

“Mmm… now that’s pretty…” Killer coos as he slides his huge hand down your inner thigh to stroke up and down your slit with his thumb, sticky slick coating his digit. You find yourself shivering in anticipation under his touch. He begins focusing his movements on your clit as he rubs it in agonizingly slow circles, working you up at a painful pace. 

You can’t do anything but pant heavily and stare at his hand caressing your naked sex. 

“Look at me.” Killer demands. You oblige and look up at his exposed face. Your mouth hangs open as you keep his gaze, his rough thumb on your clit driving your crazy. 

“Killer…” You whimper up at him. 

“You’re so wet, sweet girl. So ready to get stretched out, hmm?” His lips curl into a devious smirk. 

You nod dumbly without breaking eye contact. 

Killer plunges two large fingers into your soaked hole and immediately curls them up into your spot. 

“Shit, Kil!” You cry out and grab his bicep with one hand, supporting yourself on your other palm. He pulls and tugs his fingers repeatedly inside of you while grinding the base of his hand into your clit. 

“I can’t hold it! I’m gonna! Fuck, Killer!” You whine loudly as you feel the coil in your belly tighten dangerously. You slam your eyes shut and grab onto his arm with both hands, leaning forward into him for support. 

“That’s good little one, hold onto me, just let go for me…” 

“OH FUCK!” You cry out and fluids spray out of your body onto both Killer and the bathroom floor. Your core squeezes and spasms, tears threatening to spill from your eyes as Killer helps you through your orgasm by whispering sweet nothings into your ear. 

Slumped over into his shoulder, Killer removes his fingers from your core and scoops you up in one arm off the counter.

“You did such a good job, cumming so nicely for me. Think you can take my cock now?” Killer asks as he hikes you up in his grip, forcing you to look at him again. 

“Yes, I want it, please…” You say softly, still coming down from your previous high. 

“Perfect.” Killer chuckles and turns to carry you to the table that you usually used for folding laundry. He lays your naked, flushed form gently down on the surface of the table and rips his shirt over his head. He quickly unbuckles his belt and shuffles his jeans down his legs and steps out of them. His huge dick bobs in your direction, uncut tip red and leaking. 

“It… it’s not gonna fit…” You breath out as you stare in awe at his member while sitting up on your elbows. 

Killer grins again and steps between your spread legs, slapping his cock on your abdomen, showing exactly how deep it was supposed to go inside of you. You audibly whimper at the thought. 

“Sweetheart… you like being a good girl, right?” He coos down at you, his massive frame eclipsing most of the light in the room. He rubs soothing circles into your hip with his hand.

“Mhmm…” You sheepishly nod. 

“So you’re gonna lay there and take this whole cock in that tight little cunt of yours like a good girl, hmm?” He teases as he pulls back and guides his tip to rub up and down on your clit. 

“Mmmmhmmmm” You whine and buck your hips up into his touch. Killer uses this permission to press his heavy cockhead into your soaked opening. Inch by inch he splits your body open, the stretch causing you to moan out. 

“That’s right, little one… feels good, doesn’t it?” Killer reaches up a huge palm to squeeze and pinch your sensitive nipple. 

“Fuck, Kil! So full!” You squeeze your eyes shut and try to relax on his giant member. 

“Oh, my sweet baby, I’m not even all the way in yet!” Killer gives you a sinister laugh. He takes his opportunity to push his hips flush against yours and your writhe and cry from the sensation. You had never been this full in your life, he was truly stuffing you to your limits and it felt so good. He rubs your clit with one hand as he pulls back out, groaning lowly as he feels your cunt desperately cling to him and try to suck his member back in. 

Killer begins thrusting his hips, keeping most of himself sheathed deep inside of your walls and his hand gripped your waist to pull you back into him with each thrust. 

“Ah!” You moan and whine, grabbing and scratching at Killer’s broad chest as he molds your insides to the shape of his cock. You could barely breath, the man inside of you so large that you felt like he was in your chest. Killer speeds up his ministrations on your swollen clit. 

“Come on sweetheart… I feel you squeezing me, you’re close again…” Killer picks up the pace of his thrusts and you shriek out at the force of his hips slamming into your ass and thighs. “Fucking give it to me!” Killer presses harder into your clit and you scream and explode for the second time that night, for the first time on his cock. 

Tears were now freely flowing down your red cheeks and you could no longer form a coherent thought, let alone a sentence. You were a babbling, bouncing mess being speared by Killer’s massive girth. You were so dick drunk that your eyes were rolling back in your head. 

“More, more, more, more!” You slur out from your helpless state, spread out on the laundry table. 

“What a greedy little pussy… so fucked out and you want more? Want me to fill you, my sweet girl? Make sure you feel me for days…” Killer punctuated his last sentence with a push to your lower stomach. 

“Uh huh! Kil, please! Cum inside!” You try to nod your head but the force of Killer’s strokes made it nearly impossible. 

“Hnnnggg…” Killer slams his hips deep into yours and blows his heavy load into your wet, waiting walls. He leans down and buries his head in the crook of your neck as his cock still twitches inside of you. As his orgasm subsides, he sighs and slowly pulls out of your spent cunt, leaving a heavy stream of semen to pour out of your hole. He holds himself up above your head and looks down at you and smiles. 

You smile back. You lift a shaky hand and cup his cheek. 

“It’s you…” You whisper as he gazes affectionately into your eyes. 

“It is me. And you’re mine now.” Killer says. Before he pushes himself off the table and grabs your towel to wrap around his waist. After fastening the towel securely he grabs you by your sides off the table and throws your nude body over his shoulder. He carries you out of the bathroom, presumably to his bedroom. 

“What the fuck Killer?” Kid calls from down the hallway, spotting you both. “Why is y/n naked? What the hell are you doing?”

“Going to enjoy my dessert.” He calls back at his captain. 

It was going to be a long night. 

— —

xx

[bl0ated-w0rld]

🥖ANA Grocery List🥬

(for those who don't know where to start or just hate making lists)

Fridge

PH Balanced Water

Unsweetened Soy Milk (has better protein than almond/oat)

Vegetable Broth

Sugar Free Jello

Brown Eggs (liquid egg whites work too)

Low Fat Cream Cheese

Babybel or White String/Shredded Cheese

Provolone or Swiss Cheese Slices

Cucumbers (i prefer mini ones!)

Baby Carrots/Shredded Carrots

Plain Hummus

Sugar Free Natural Fruit Preserves (blackberry is my go to)

Sugar Free Powerades/Gatorades (electrolytes!)

Diet Coke (i don't drink it but i know y'all do)

Sugar Free Monster/Red Bull (also don't drink these but w/e)

Diet Cranberry Juice (for the girlies)

Zero Calorie Dressings

Low Sodium Soy Sauce

Plain Greek Yogurt (i say this but i always cave and get vanilla cuz plain is so nasty to me)

Apples (i buy them pre sliced)

Spinach/Kale/Lettuce (i buy this as a prepackaged blend of all 3)

Kombucha

V8 Vegetable Juice

Berries (raspberries, blueberries, blackberries)

Melon Slices (or cantaloupe)

Sugar Free Squeezable Applesauce

Avocados (i buy them already mashed)

Bananas (i refrigerate them idk)

Whole Grain/Wheat Bread (dave's killer bread is my go to and yes i refrigerate bread too lol)

Keto/Low Carb Spinach or Tomato Wraps

Cherry Tomatoes

Tofu Cubes

Lean Deli Turkey

Low Sodium Tuna Packets

Sun Dried Tomatoes

Baby Pickles

Grapes

Mandarin Oranges/Cuties

Diet Green Tea

Lemons

Freezer

Grilled Chicken Strips

Spring Rolls

Frozen Fruit Blends

Frozen Broccoli

Veggie Burgers

Salmon/Tilapia

Pedialyte Popsicles

Veggie Spirals

Cauliflower Rice

Diet Frozen Yogurt

Ice

Pantry

Plain Rice Cakes

Canned Veggie Soup (i get chicken and rice soup lowkey)

Pasta Sauce (i like newman's own)

Sweet Potatoes

Boxed Vegetable Noodles

Konjac Noodles

Plain Popcorn (i buy them in bulk kernels and keep them in a mason jar)

Protein Bars (clif bars are my fav)

Fiber Bars (for the girlies who haven't shit all week)

Unsalted Whole Almonds

Pistachios

Plain Rolled Oats

Sugar Free Dark Chocolate (i get the mini hersheys ones so i don't overeat)

Plain Black Coffee

Green Tea Packets

Sugar Free Granola

Cereal (i like great grains, kashi, etc)

Cinnamon (cinnamon gum too)

Chili Powder (or any spicy seasoning)

Hot Sauce

Natural Peanut Butter (a spoonful of this is a lifesaver)

Nutella

Everything Bagel Seasoning (i throw it on everything)

Wheat Thins or Wheat Crackers

Seaweeed Chips

Raw Honey

Quinoa

Olive Oil (or any vegetable oil)

Almond Flour

Stevia (or turbinado sugar)

Electrolyte Packets

(u can add more stuff this is just all i could think of)

now go forth and shop❣️

[lixieisgod]

𝐺𝑌𝐴𝐿 𝑌𝑂𝑈 𝐴 𝑊𝐴𝐿𝐾𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝑻𝑹𝑶𝑷𝑯𝒀 # !

𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠⤷ there is like zero Caribbean representation in fics so you know ya girl has try to fix that shit. Caribbean girls on top🕺🏽 so it’s not right that we ain’t got shit. please reblog and lmk if y’all like this.

𝑠𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑝𝑠𝑖𝑠⤷ 𝐸𝑟𝑒𝑛 𝑌𝑒𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎 𝐶𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑. 𝐸𝑟𝑒𝑛 𝑌𝑒𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑥 𝐶𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑏𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑛! 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

since the night you and eren met at a party you’ve basically been inseparable since. you two have been together for a while now and it’s safe to say you guys are the IT couple.

lmfaoo at first when your friends would catch you simping they’d be like “what happens to gazah forever” and start laughing. But they mean well it’s all jokes they like seeing you and eren so happy with each other.

a few people thought it wouldn’t last that long, thinking he wouldn’t be able to handle you. BUT BABYY were there wrong ! you two have a good balance in your relationship, your energies align so well.

there’s no getting between you two. “my man tie me, I’m on him badd”

you were a little nervous at fist to let him meet your family, you know they can be a little judgmental sometimes but you weren’t too worried. Everything went really good when he met the fam. Your male relatives were a bit over protective but you can’t blame them too much, you’ll always be their baby.

At the family events he eats his weight in food lmfaoo. He’s a big fan of rotis, jerk chicken with white rice, green bananas and salt fish, as well as chutney. It melted your heart to see him enjoying traditional foods.

this man lives to see you dance, from the first grind he got at that party, he’s been hooked since. He’s actually got really good rhythm. So he’s great at any party, whether it’s holding onto your waist slow dancing with you singing the lyrics “ gyal, mi wan’ if hold yuh put me arms right around yuh” in his ear.

this one time you brought him to a family gathering and he danced western with the older ladies of the family, your grandma love him sm, he even calls her ma or mum.

this man can really turn tf up. like REALLY turn TF up. for example when you two are at a Bacchanal all his composure flies out the widow. But he never lets other girls try to dance with him and you do the same when it comes to other men.

lemme tell youuu, there’s a video of you two dirty dancing to vybez kartel at the fette. that shit was wildd like giving him mad fast wine and him positioning you with his hands on your lower back watching your movements

He loves when you make him breakfast, his favorite thing that you make him is fried bakes and cocoa tea. It’s like his comfort food at this point.

he loves hearing all the folklore stories, they’re so fascinating to him. he was low-key kinda scared when you told him you’d send a dupply after him as a joke.

He likes trying Caribbean snacks, he likes half frozen chubby and icelollies.

A DOMINOS FIEND !! your uncles and him were playing together and that shit was heateddd. He smacks the dominos hard asll lmfao. Your uncles lowkey started respecting him more after he won a few games.

He lovesss playing football in the rain with your cousins. your grandma puts oil in the middle of the head to make sure he doesn’t get sick.

LATE NIGHT DRIVES ARE A VIBEE. The two of you have this long ass playlist that you guys bump while driving in the middle of the night with the roof down.

Play from 0:45 before reading next slide

it’s the middle of the night and the two of you are speeding through the mostly empty streets with cold Heineken’s screaming the lyrics to the songs in you guy’s playlists. “ LONGING FOR MY BABY TO LOVE ME MOREE, WHAT AM I LONGING FOR? BABYLON RELEASE THE CURE” !

he sings you all of the old school love songs

he loves and appreciates you so freaking much, you’re the best thing in his life, and he lets everyone know it. you two are such a good couple.

© 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟯 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝗼 𝐥𝐢𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐠𝗼𝐝. 𝐂𝗼𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝗼𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝗼𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝗼𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝗼𝐧 𝗼𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐟𝗼𝐫𝗺𝐬.

[silverhallow]

Karting catastrophe

Inspired by @bridgertonbabe’s Bridgerton Spouse Support Chat

Summary: none of the Bridgerton’s had the bridgerton brain cell™️ when they decide to go go-karting… and of course it ends as all games nights do… in catastrophe

It had seemed like a good idea at the time, they hadn’t had a chance to be competitive with one another for months since their spouses flat out refused to have more than one games night a year after Phillip had nearly had a heart attack during a Heated monopoly games night…

But as they were waiting to be loaded into the ambulance and took the hospital, they had to admit… maybe this time it had gone too far…

Anthony had arranged to hire the go-karting facility after Greg had suggested they turn the go-karting into something more… competitive and since Mario-Kart was one of the earliest games they’d ever played together as a family of 8 it seemed the most logical.

Each of them came with their own “weapon” and they’d brought frisbees and balls from the kids' play pens. Eloise had rocked up with a shopping bag full of banana peels and weirdly Hyacinth had rocked up with baby oil.

Anthony and Benedict brought their sons Nerf guns, Colin, Daphne and Francesca had water guns, Hyacinth and Gregory each had a BB gun and Eloise had brought a paint gun…

It had started out fun but after Eloise got Hyacinth in the helmet with the paint gun that things started getting out of hand.

Hyacinth had been furious that it had caused her to crash into the barrier and ended up at the back of the field.

She’d started pouring the oil onto the track and firing her BB gun at anyone and everything thing

Benedict and Colin were out in front with Anthony and Francesca close behind them. Eloise was towards the back of the field and saw as Gregory fired blindly behind him and saw the BB pellet his Hyacinth in the face through her open Visor and everyone turned their head to hear the yell of pain and swearing come from the youngest and that’s when the pile up happened.

Anthony had turned at the wrong time and he hit the back of Colin’s kart which hit Benedict causing the kart to flip and Anthony and his kart landed on his leg Daphne smashed into them as Francesca flew into Colin, her kart smashed into his leg as she smashed into her steering wheel, Gregory smashed into the pile up, Eloise having seen it but sliding on the oil couldn’t stop had at least slowed down and she had about stopped and so it was just her wrist that hurt and Hyacinth having stopped as she’d been hit in the face has scrambled out of her kart and gone over to the pile up but her vision was so blurry that when she aimed a kick at Gregory for hitting her,missed completely and hit her toe off the kart and she heard the crack and let out of yell of pain which couldn’t be heard over the yells from the rest of the Bridgerton’s who were all in states of injury.

The owner saw it all happen and grateful he had charged a full days rental and a disclosure that should they damage anything they’d pair for the full lot of the damage and with a roll of his eye called for ambulances.

And it was where they all were now as a technician asked “who should we call to come meet you at the Hospital? Your mother?”

“NO!” They all yelled despite their various states of pain and agitation.

“Then who?” He asked with a sigh

“We can’t call Kate she’ll just be pissed we didn’t invite her and refuse to come” Anthony muttered from his spot on the board as the paramedics put the neck support around him as he’d gotten serve whiplash in the crash

“Michael won’t come, he thinks I’m out with Eloise today…” Francesca hissed as the paramedic examined her ribs

“And Phil won’t come for the same reason”

“Simon won’t come cause he thinks we’re all idiots and hates it when we do shit like this” Daphne whined

“luce thinks I’m with mum so…”

Benedict grunted something barely intelligible “what did he say??” Hyacinth called out

Eloise rolled her eyes “he said to call Sophie… Penelope can’t come as she’s too far along and out of everyone then two are the least likely to murder us all”

Colin had to agree as he knew Penelope at 8 months pregnant wouldn’t be able to drive over and Sophie was the calmest in temperament out of everyone.

Since Benedict was in too much pain Eloise gave the paramedics Sophie’s number, was put in her ambulance and with the rest of the Bridgerton’s was whisked off to hospital.

Sophie Bridgerton was sitting feeding her 9 month old daughter when her phone rang, it was a number she did not recognise but as Benedict had said he was going to an art exhibition and often forgot to charge his mobile before he went, she naively assumed it was him calling from a borrowed phone to tell her a) that his phone had died b) what time he was coming home and c) to check in on Vi and the boys.

So imagine her surprise as she answered her phone with a tentative “hello” to hear a male voice she did not recognise

“Mrs Bridgerton?”

“Yes? Who is this please?” She asked politely

“My name is Andrew and I am a paramedic with London Ambulance Service” the voice replied

“Paramedic??” Sophie practically screeched down the phone, panic and worry over taking her entire body

“Yes ma’am there is nothing to worry about we’ve got your husband and his siblings and we are taking them to the Royal London Hospital, we were told to call you to meet them there” he explained

“Wait… siblings?” Sophie asked

“Yes ma’am all 8 of them”

“What happened??”

“The details are a little hazy but there was some sort of pile up and accident at Best Go Karting in Canary Wharf” he replied and Sophie’s panic and worry turned instantly into a fury.

Go karting?! On a Wednesday afternoon, when he said he was going to an art exhibition whilst she was at home with all four kids?!?

“Right… well I’ll have to gather the kids and I’ll be along shortly” Sophie said keeping her voice as calm as she could, knowing she was likely to explode but she was prepared to give him a chance to explain. To see the level of his injury as it could just be a strain or something…

the paramedic gave her some instructions and she confirmed them back and as she hung up the phone she sighed heavily.

She was furious. Not only had Benedict lied to her, the bridgerton siblings no doubt had lied to the others because of any of the other spouses knew about this they would have given the others a heads up and the last chat in the spousal support group was them giving Phillip some advice on dealing with a pregnant Eloise.

“Charlie?!” She called up the stairs, it was half term so the boys were upstairs playing

“Yes Mama?” Came the voice of her 6 year old son

“Can you get your shoes and coat on and help your brothers please, we have to get your dad and see your aunt and uncles at the hospital” she said appearing at the bottom of the stairs and looking up

“Has daddy hurt himself again?” He asked curiously

“I think so” she replied

“Is he in trouble?”

“Oh you have no idea… hurry up please, if Alex tries to fight tell him if he behaves mama will get him a McDonald’s for tea”

“Mcdonalds??” came the squeak of 4 year old Alex, his dark curls appearing at the top of the stairs as he peered at his Mama with bright happy eyes.

“If you behave and do everything Charlie and Mama say” Sophie replied.

Alex beamed, nodded his head eagerly and ran off to listen to his older brother and within 20 minutes Sophie had all four kids in the car without so much of a complaint.

It took Sophie 30 minutes to make her way through the traffic and a further 10 minutes to get parked and the three boys waited patiently as she got Baby Violet into her pushchair and headed into the hospital in search of her ridiculous family.

It was Eloise that Sophie spotted first as she made her way into the hospital and she looked sternly as her sister-in-law, but mostly because Eloise was 6 months pregnant and should have known better.

She turned to Charlie and handed him a £5 note, “take your brothers to the shop and get some sweets whilst Mama talks to Aunt El and sees Papa okay?” she said.

Charlie beamed, took two year old William’s hand and Alex followed. Sophie knew the best way to get her kids to behave was through food and bribes and as they walked away she just looked at Eloise and with a glare said “spill”

Eloise grimaced and with a heavy sigh, explained everything that had happened right down to their discussion about calling her. “I’m waiting for them to come look at my wrist, I can’t have an X-Ray so they’re working out how to figure out if it’s broken or not…” she said

“The baby?” Sophie asked knowing when she told Phillip it would be one i oh f the first things he’d ask.

“They’re fine, it was the first thing they did when I got here. I’m the least injured, it would have been Hyacinth if she hadn’t tried to attack Greg” Eloise explained but before Sophie could do anything more than sigh, Eloise was called into the room to see her doctor and another doctor walked over to Sophie to explain what had happened and the extent of the injuries to the Bridgertons.

Sophie listened and felt her blood boiling as she listened; Anthony had whiplash so was in a neck brace, Daphne had a fractured Arm, Gregory a broken one as well as a bruised coccyx, they suspected Eloise just had a sprained wrist, Francesca had fractured a couple of ribs, Hyacinth had sustained an eye injury which would leave her with a black eye and she was wearing a patch and she’d also broken her toe kicking the go-kart and Benedict and Colin had fared the worst each breaking a leg.

Sophie felt her legs nearly go at the news. Her husband. Her idiot husband had broken his leg…

Was it not bad enough that she had four kids to deal with, now she had her injured husband, and her idiot brother-in-law was about to be a father in a month’s time had broken his as well…

“I can take you in to see your husband if you wish” the doctor said as Sophie digested all the information

“I will in a five minutes i just have a phone call to make” Sophie said

The doctor nodded “he’s in room two when you’re ready” the doctor said and walked off and headed into Francesca’s room.

Sophie had had enough, she knew exactly who needed to be called, the only person who could them see sense, to realise that they’re far too old to be doing shit like this and that they had to be more bloody responsible.

Mario Kart go karting… honestly…

With a sigh Sophie whipped her phone out and dialled the number that belonged to her mother-in-law.

“Sophie dear, this is a pleasant surprise, hello dear”

“Hello Violet, sorry but this isn’t a pleasant surprise… i’m at the hospital” Sophie said

“Oh no, is everything alright? Are the boys and Vi okay?” Violet asked sounding panicked

“Oh my kids are okay… i’m calling about yours” Sophie said

“Oh no is Ben okay?” Violet asked, assuming it was just the one she was calling about

“No he is not. He’s broke his leg… and the rest of his idiotic siblings are here also…” Sophie said and as Violet made a noise of confusion “they lied to everyone and went off to go karting and not just go karting, mario-karting…”

“Please tell me you’re making this up” Violet said

“I wish i was Violet” Sophie said as she then rattled off their injuries and everything Eloise had told her

“I am going to murder them. What do they think they’re playing at??” Violet said “I will be right down. They need their heads banging together, i am sick of this”

“Thank you Violet, I suspect some of them may require a lift home as when everyone else finds out… i can’t imagine they’ll come for them and Penelope can’t even drive at the moment so…”

“I’ll bring the minivan…” Violet said

Sophie thanked her mother-in-law and decided she’d go see her husband before she told the rest of the spouses.

The boys were still down the shop so she pushed the pushchair with a sleeping Violet into room two where Benedict was sitting in a leg brace, looking sheepish as he spotted his wife.

“I can explain…” he said sheepishly

“Can you? Can you explain why you lied to me, why your siblings all lied to their respective partners and you all went off to do something childish and not to mention Dangerous?”

“Soph… please… I am sorry I lied but firstly it wasn’t my idea and I was crashed into… and secondly, if i had told you, you would have told the other and we were just having a fun day out, we used to do it like once a month and we’ve never been injured before…”

“You do this once a month??” Sophie asked incredulously.

“Used to… we’ve not been since Violet was born and it had never been go karting…” Benedict said but seeing the look on his wife’s face he knew better than to say anything more “Look I am really sorry and I know i’m in trouble but can I take Vi and have cuddles to cheer me up please?” as he held his arms out expectantly figuring Sophie would feel a little sorry for him with his injury since it wasn’t actually his fault

“No” Sophie said and Benedict’s mouth fell open as he stared at his wife “you are not getting Violet cuddles until your leg is out of that bloody cast. We are a week into the summer holidays and you’ve rendered yourself useless for the remainder of the school holidays meaning not only do I have to look after FOUR children on my own now, but I am going to have to look after you because you’re so feckless and reckless and didn’t think for one second that this was the stupidest idea you lot could have ever come up with!” sophie replied, not even raising her voice and the moment she finished Benedict burst into tears.

Sophie knew withholding his daughter from him was the worst punishment but she was sick of them all, she was fed up of them being so reckless and competitive and he had to be taught a lesson.

“Please soph… don’t… don’t do this” Benedict sobbed

“Too late… oh and your mother is on her way… she wants a word with you all” Sophie said as she turned Violet around in her pushchair “they’ll take you down for a cast shortly then we’re going home and you’re in the spare room. I’ll be outside, letting the others know about you bloody idiots” she said as she left the room leaving her husband crying and a little panicked knowing his mother was on her way and that they were all in trouble.

Sophie sat down watching as one by one the siblings were taken into one room as per her request (curtsey of Violet) and she saw the look on their faces when they spoke to Benedict and learned their mother was en route and that was why they were being gathered in one room.

Sophie knew it was extreme but as she texted the Spousal group chat, and watched Violet, the family matriarch walk into the ward, a face like thunder, her shoulder set as she threw the door open and looked at children in various states as she yelled “WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU ALL THINKING? LYING TO YOUR PARTNERS? I TAUGHT YOU BETTER THAN THAT”

Francesca tried to speak up “mum we didn’t…”

“DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT LYING TO ME FRANCESCA BRIDGERTON” as she slammed the door shut and it muffled the sounds but Sophie smirked to herself as she watched each of the Bridgerton’s in turn jumping as they were yelled at.

Charlie, Alex and William all appeared a few minutes into Violet’s tirade and Alex blinked “Grandma is angry”

“I think Papa and everyone are in big trouble” Charlie said as Alex’s face lit up with a cheeky grin.

“What did Papa do?” he asked

“He lied to Mama, and broke his leg, so Papa is not allowed cuddles from anyone until his leg is better do you understand?” she said to her boys.

“Papa naughty?” two year old William asked “no snuggles?”

“Yes Papa has been naughty, we don’t tell lies do we?” Sophie asked

All three boys shook their heads “no or our noses get big!” Charlie said

“Exactly, or you hurt yourself like your Uncle’s and Aunties have” Sophie said.

Sophie just sat and watched smugly as Violet continued to yell and berate her children for nearly an hour. Phillip turned up half way through and Eloise spotted him through the window and mouthed “Rescue me”

Phillip just shook her head and took a seat next to Sophie “how long has Violet been yelling?”

“Half hour so far…” Sophie grinned

“Hopefully this will teach them a lesson”

“Between that, no Snu Snu and the film I've got of the first twenty minutes of her tirade should hopefully be enough” Sophie grinned.

“You’ve gotta send that to the chat” Phillip said and Sophie agreed, sending the video to the rest of the Spouses and they just hoped, beyond hope, that it would be the last time that they’d be visiting the hospital for a game night related injury.

[chryblossomjjk]

bts fic recommendations | 03.14.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren’t i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

banana clip - @vvh0adie (jhs x jjk x reader | angst, fluff, smut)

summary: nature is great at putting you to sleep. but man-made objects are just as good at waking you up with annoyance. and they’re even better at messing with your senses overall. but nature also made the two most wonderful men who you get to call your boyfriends, and they know just how to comfort you.

for one, let me just say this graphic goes crazy eep!!!

also let me just say, you would write a mean fantasy fic bc the scene setting in the first segment is so good. YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT WORLD BUILDING?? YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT WORLD BUILDING???? YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT MAKING THE SETTING REFLECT THE CHARACTER??? THIS IS IT!!

also i think the representation in the fic is so fucking important like- to have the reader be queer, chubby, and neurodivergent and then depicting in detail the things that come along with it is really great!! especially bc so many young adults read fanfic and thats such a complex time where you're juggling different parts of your identity and how they coexist!! just seriously thank you for writing this!!

"His large hands make haste of grabbing as much of your ass as he possibly can and giving it a good squeeze, oil slick painted nails leaving crescent indentation on your melanated skin. The succulent pain causes a moan to escape your lips. You always knew how to break them down, but he could play too."

oof when i tell u i read this paragraph multiple fucking times bc YOU PICKED OIL SLICK NAIL HOBI I COULD DESTROY MY FUCKING ROOM RN LMAO

“Ah, fuck, it’s times like these when I remember how much of a slut you are.”

dom hobi rattles the fucking peanut in my skull bc i know for a fact that man is the kinkest dom sex freak out here PLS!!! and the mentions of kook throughout made everything incredibly hotter like uGh!! and then i really love when sweet aftercare n cleaning up is added into fanfic after a dommy moment :') <3 overall, this was the hottest shit ever pls fucking read this yall NOW I SAY NOW LMAO!!

paired & pierced - @yoon-kooks (jjk x reader | college au, smut, fluff)

summary: when your professor assigns a collaborative midterm project, you’re paired up with jeon jungkook, the quiet grumpy smartass who keeps to himself and doesn’t fuck with popular kids like you. if you can win him over, he might give you a taste of the tatted and pierced body he’s carefully tucked away beneath those oversized hoodies.

so as soon as i saw that pairing i knew i was a goner!! but babe, this fic made me discover kinks i didn't even know i had like erm?? CAWK TATTOO??? OF A SNAKE???

I HAVE A NEW FETISH LMAO!!! thats like one of the hottest visuals i've ever read in fanfic and it will plague my daydreams from here on out!

where does one find a friend like oc who hooks you up with men like JUNG HOSEOK ?? she is so real for that (one is incredibly lonely despite having friends and never gets checked on by those around her unless they need something which i feel like is so relatable to so many people like i can totally tell why so many readers were drawn to this fic)!! and tim can catch this knuckle sandwich bc FUCK HIM >:(

also the newborn joke made me audibly crack up like the bleak dry humor is fucking hilarious to me-

and i just love their dynamic? like the way you wrote their dialogue is just so natural, which seems simple on the outside but as fic writer i understand that writing believable dialogue is so INSANELY difficult like you literally have to be an a1 writer to nail it as good as you did in this fic!! the talent is screaming!! same goes for the smut!! it was so fucking hot and everything kook said had my coochie wet pls!! i just love the switch for apathetic to complete sex god uGh! i love u n this saur fucking much!!

nature cafe - @virgodolls (jjk x reader | s2l)

oh my goodness i love this so much! like when you told me you were a new writer on here i was already extremely excited, but after reading this, my excitement for your future works has doubled, TRIPLED! you are bringing something new and refreshing to the table! like don't get me wrong i looooveee smut (legit all i write is smut-) but slice of life content is kind of hard to find on this platform! so reading this was such a welcomed change and i loved it wholeheartedly!

you really have a knack for writing in the perspective of the character, which is not an easy thing to do AT ALL! ITS SO DIFFICULT! AND YOU EXECUTED IT SO FLAWLESSY HERE AND ITS ONLY YOUR FIRST FIC? PLS THE TALENT IS UNREAL!!

i also really loved this oc! as someone who is also v sensitive and easily overwhelmed, i didn't find her annoying at all, just incredibly endearing and relatable! THIS JUNGKOOK IS ALSO SUCH BOYFRIEND MATERIAL AND SO SWEET LIKE IM TRYING TO PICK HIM UP TOO UM??? anyways, thank you for sharing your writing! its definitely so scary at first but you did it and you should be v proud of yourself!! i am proud of you!!

[this-aint-massachusetts]

FNaF movie hcs pt 1!

here’s some hcs I made :)

-Abby would be a gacha kid if it was around at the time

-Vanessa has anemia and she gets dizzy every time she stands up, and the first time she passed out in front of Mike he just thought she died

-William is obsessed with robotics and if you ask him about it he won’t stop talking about it for the next 4 hours (autistic William Afton real)

-Abby is terrified of something js crawling out of her closet while she sleeps and can’t sleep without a nightlight because of it (and the fear only got worse after Freddy’s)

-When Vanessa was a kid William sometimes just forgot to feed her so she would just eat literally anything she could find, editable or not. and she had to go to the hospital because of this multiple times 

-Mike hates olives and is so dramatic about it when he has to eat one, Ness will tell him that he should just eat it but Ness will eventually just eat it for him bcuz of Mikes dramatic ass

-When William came home after kidnapping Garret he was like “Vanessa I have a surprise for you” and he just showed her Garret in his car trunk and thought it was the funniest thing ever

-Abby chews on plastic 

-William told Vanessa when she was like really young all the gross details of his murders and she’d just sit there scribbling it all down like: “Then his brother ran after the car while yelling carrot, why would you name a kid carrot” 

-Mike and Abby once spent like 30 hours building a big Lego thing but Abby accidentally knocked it over and it shattered into a million pieces and then Mike cried 

-When they came home from the pizzeria aunt jane was just still dead in their living room and so Mike had to explain that she was in fact not sleeping

-The walls in Abby and Mikes house are really thin so Mike would just be crying himself to sleep and Abby would just be trying to sleep in the other room like: 😥

-Mike will tell Abby about some badshit older sibling lore and she just look at him like: 😰

-Mike uses 17 in 1 body wash, shampoo, conditioner, tooth paste, shaving cream, olive oil, brake fluid, lotion, lube, mouthwash, deodorant, milk, dental wax, eye drops, baby oil, lighter fluid, banana pudding 

-Aunt Jane tried to use the fact Mike uses 17 in one body wash against him in court

-Max used to take Abby to do teenage hooligan shit with her friends and they’d all have so much fun

-Abby would tell her bully’s that Mike and Vanessa both use weapons at their jobs and they will beat them up and no one believed her until they picked her up from school in uniform.

-The main four animatronics still try to play in the pizzeria like when they were alive but they can only play in the ball pit, Bonnie got stuck in the slide once and it was a whole ordeal.

k that’s all for now I’ll post more later because I literally have a whole ass Google doc so okay byye 😘😘😘

[auckie]

Ok no actually I wanna hear your Trader Joe’s opinions I’m really into the orange strawberry banana juice, the bruschetta sauce, the cranberry lime juice sparkling water and cinnamon schoolbook cookies

You and I agree on the CLSW (cranlime sparkling), haven’t tried the others but I’ll look into them. The normal lime one is also amazing on its own, as well as a mixer for both alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks. Summer must!

There’s so much shit I’m obsessed with, I’ll try and list the most important ones

English crumpets

Mango kefir

Brown sugar oat creamer

Chocolate oat milk

Simpler wines brand sparkling white canned wine

Pfeffernüsse

Chocolate babka

Brioche sliced bread

Danish Kringle

Pinks and whites shortbread cookies

Joe Joe’s gluten free classic Oreo knock off cookie

Madras lentils (boxed kind is good too)

Canned giant baked beans in tomato sauce

The non joes brand oat milk coffee and kombucha but you can get those anywhere

Their candles, two in one grapefruit mint hair wash (I despise two in one products but this one doesn’t foam and is more of a cleansing conditioner I use in between shampoo and regular conditionings), and many other non food items. I’ve bought their towels, seasonal decor (usually those felt garlands), face lotions and oils. Loved all of them. Usually I only restock on the lotion, hand soap, and lavender laundry bags. Their detergent is nice tho, and I’ve also gotten their wool laundry balls but you really only ever gotta buy them like once. They also usually have pretty cute cards at the checkout! I like their cheaper flowers too, but there’s also a lot of very cute seasonal items they carry that I just can’t justify buying bc of price (have you seen their felt sunflowers? So adorable)

Simpler times potato chips

Crispy Crunchy Champignon Mushroom Snack

Fruit leather bars

Dried orange rings

Lox (labeled as smoked salmon iirc)

Both their Tunisian and kalamata olive oil

Vodka sauce

Roasted red pepper and tomato canned soup

Canned vegetable soup

Gone bananas chocolate covered frozen bananas (gone berry crazy strawberries are good too but like a dollar or two more expensive)

Jasmine rice in the frozen isle

Lime popsicles

Steak and stout meat pie

Pastry Bites Feta Cheese & Caramelized Onions

Canned tuna*

*especially with the gluten free microwaveable mac n cheese (I’m not gluten free if you’ve noticed, I literally just prefer some of their gluten free products. Same with the oat milk. I’m not lactose free but I just really like it)

Most of the frozen wontons I’ve tried

Chimichurri rice (goes great with the aforementioned roasted red pepper box soup, and chopped onions, green peppers, and spinach cooked in a wok)

Chicken sausage

Butternut squash gnocchi, iirc the potato gnocchi is good too

Most of their dried pastas

Almond and chocolate filled frozen croissants

The bars of chocolate you find at the check out that come in packs of threes

The weird meat sticks at the checkout too

Frozen hashbrowns

For whatever reason, their frozen green beans and asparagus is so much better than other generic brands I’ve tried

Any of the canned olives but esp the kalamata

Sun dried tomatoes

The produce is okay, a little pricey but they had brown Mexican tomatoes once that fucked hard. The herbs trustworthy too but really where is it not

Any of their chocolate covered nuts

Their fucked up chocolate covered chips, sometimes found in their snack mixes

Peanut butter pretzel snacks

Their dried seaweed isn’t my fav, but it’s not bad. I think it’s overpriced tho but tbf I usually get huuuge, less flavored packs from Costco

Pine nuts but good Gd are they expensive

They have cute, weird heirloom hybrid squashes during the fall a lot too that are pretty tasty

Things I’ve gotten from there that I hated? I didn’t like their orange chicken, ANY of the cereals I’ve gotten from there oddly enough, their pecorino Romano only comes grated and mixed iirc and I didn’t care for it. Some of their beers have made me scowl but also those are all random brands. But their wine (yes, even SHAW. But shoutout to coco bon red blend and blue fin moscato RIP!) has never does me wrong…except for any other flavor of the simpler wines canned ones. I can only do the sparkling white and literally no else I've forced to drink it has liked it! some of their salads have done me wrong. the canned chickpeas and dolmas were off. and some of their pricy juice mixes left me a bit disappointed.

[seat-safety-switch]

Now that it’s the future, things are more confusing than ever. Our ancestors only had to understand a few different kinds of rocks, how to cook a bird they caught, and what sorts of plants they should not try to eat. Like I said, things are different now. Everything has become more advanced, and with it, more complex.

You might not think that things are all that different. After all, those forerunners to our glorious civilization also had to deal with plague, illiteracy, and the horrors of serfdom. Now, we only have that last one left to deal with. I think that you’ve just become used to the polynomial complexity of the modern age. Try going back to 1993 and asking your fellow Hypercolor-shirt-wearing dweebs about why your email isn’t syncing to your smartphone, but works okay on your iPad. You’ll be burned at the stake, even in moderately liberal states like Maine.

I’m all in favour of going back to simpler stuff. Stick axles. Right-angle bodywork. Carburetors. Door handles that burn your fingers because the car’s been sitting in the sun all day while you were working a double at the Kay Bee Toys. Crank windows. Heavy-weight oils that aren’t filtered very well. Bias-ply tires with no grip whatsoever, to the extent that walking on banana peels slathered with mayonnaise will make you feel like an F1 driver by comparison.

Thing is, nobody wants to make that stuff anymore. The new stuff is too good, too efficient, too safe that the automakers and the aftermarket folks have decided that no one on this Earth is stupid enough to want it. Even Chinese factories can’t be convinced to do otherwise; their electric mini-pickup-trucks may cost $2000, but they still have modern metallurgy and plastic headlights. Meanwhile, we’re crushing all this great old stuff and sending it to foreign lands in order to be turned into more boron-infused, tiny-mufflered cough drops that sometimes decide not to let me use Spotify until I break out half an undergraduate computer science degree and/or the Revenge Dremel.

That’s why I’ve decided to start re-learning everything from first principles. I just spent last week checking every book out of the library that I could find on metallurgy. While he was out (in prison,) I was going to turn my neighbour’s new chain-link fence into part of a 4x4 chassis. I had pulled a bunch of it out of the ground and started to build a crucible in which to melt the precious ill-gotten aluminum into ingots. That’s when I realized that the barbecue lighter I was using had a child-safe trigger. I had to go back and dig through the dumpster I found it in, just so I could figure out how to make flame shoot out of it. Friends: this shit has got to stop.

[its-monster-mash]

Didn’t Your Momma Ever Tell You not to Talk to Strangers?

Bo Sinclair x Reader - Part One

WARNINGS: Fem!Reader, Gendered terms of endearments/insults, violent thoughts—but they don’t get enacted in this chapter, Bo is…Bo. Sexist Pig.

Part Two Part Three

Bo still thinks back on that first day he saw you.

The first thing he heard when that busted up old van rolled into town was a god awful rattling that told him the wheel bearing was beyond fucked and you were all lucky the wheel hadn’t popped right off and went careening down the highway without you.

You didn’t get his funeral act—he happened to already be hard at work when the rust bucket rolled in, so of course, he was in a pretty shit mood about having to deal with new arrivals right that second until you popped out of the window like a Dukes of Hazzard reject—your sweaty hair matted to your face and your ratty old band tee clinging to your body for dear life in the summer heat.

That lightened his mood right away—you’d look real pretty in his basement, and he was already running through all the ways he’d enjoy making you cry when he realized something awfully damn disappointing.

The rest of your little crew was packed into that van like a goddamn clown car, and judging by the outline of the knife in your tight little cut off shorts, you ladies weren’t fucking around.

But you were fuckin’ nice, weren’t you? All polite and shit. ‘Course, you couldn’t have been too awfully bright, asking the guy in the greasy coveralls if he’s a mechanic—no shit bitch; you think he just rolls around in motor oil because it smells pretty? Get fucked.

His momma would have thought you were trash—the way you were strutting around like that with all that ink in your skin—but god help him, it got him hot. Just the thought of slapping his own name down on you sent a rush through him.

He knows better though. As easy as it would be to grab you and drag you away—the way you were smiling at him like you fucking trusted him and the bullshit charming persona he was feeding you—but even he was smart enough to know that if he tried anything, your little pack of women would fall upon him like wolves—that’d be a fuckin’ stupid way to go out.

So he replaced the wheel-bearing on your friend’s shitty van, you paid him, and his eye twitched at the thought of letting you slip from his grasp when you’d been just about close enough for him to taste your blood under his teeth.

You called him a ‘Lifesaver’ before giving him a peck on the cheek and climbing back in through the window.

You had no idea how right you were—the fact that he let you walk out of Ambrose may as well have been the same thing as saving your useless life.

What a fuckin’ joke.

He didn’t figure he’d see you again after that.

~*~

That is, until two weeks later when he heard the most goddamn annoying custom horn he’d ever heard in his life, and in rolls the slutwagon—you were already leaning out the window with a big stupid smile, waving at him like you two were buddies or something.

Fuck, he was annoyed to see you—it was a goddamned tease—he couldn’t get his hands on you, and yet here you were, darkening his doorstep with that big fuckin’ smile. You probably thought you were so adorable.

He did have to hand it to you about your taste in music though—assuming you weren’t just some vapid bitch wearing someone else’s shirts.

More interesting though, was the shiny loaf of tinfoil you presented to him.

Banana bread—you’d told him—baked it yourself.

Like he was supposed to be touched.

He figured you’d stopped by because you needed him to fix something else on that rolling death trap, but no; all you wanted to do was stop by while you went on your road trip and bring him something nice—since he had been so good to you before.

Fucking freak; who does that?

That damn banana bread was fucking good though—maybe there was hope to make a fuckin’ woman out of you yet.

~*~

Week after week, he had come to expect your little visits—and the sweets you always brought with you. It was like tribute—and goddamn if he didn’t deserve it for being so fucking patient with you.

It was fucking rude of you, honestly, training him like a fucking dog to get all excited when you would come in to town. It had been an awfully long time since he was actually excited to see a specific person—been a long fuckin’ time since there was anyone outside of Ambrose who actually wanted to see him—and part of him hated you for the way your smile spread to his lips when he saw you.

The more genuine his happiness, the more he wanted to fucking punish you.

Honestly, how dare you? How dare you go and make yourself important enough to him that he actually misses you between your little visits?

And then you have the nerve to leave too?

Fuck you, Cunt. The least you could do is go ahead and chain yourself up in his basement, for all the trouble you’ve caused him.

Maybe then he could forgive you.

Fuckin’ doubt it though.

~*~

He hates this day—the day you’re supposed to visit always puts him on edge, and he spends the hours until you and your little pack of wolves actually decide to roll in pacing around by his shop—as if he’s got nothing better to be doing—because that’s where you always come looking for him.

And why not?

You’ve got no idea anything’s weird about Ambrose—you only ever come ‘round to fuck with his heart anyway.

He oughta let Vincent immortalize you in wax—that way you could never fucking leave him again—but then who’d bake him pumpkin bread with the little chocolate chips, just the way he likes it?

Seriously, somehow it was like the chocolate stayed melty even after the bread was long cooled—the bakery in the closest town over doesn’t even sell pumpkin bread. It had to be some kind of fuckin’ witchcraft—that’s it, you bewitched him with your cooking—it’s the only explanation for the for the way his heart stirs when he hears that goddamn horn.

Quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach after all—honestly—you must have done this to him on purpose.

“Hey Bo!” You call out of the window as that sad excuse for a van stops out in front of his shop.

He could have fixed that door of course, but he loves watching you climb out of that little window, so he’s never offered.

“Hey Pretty Lady, got something good for me today?”

“Your favorite,” you beam proudly, presenting a wrapped up loaf that better be fucking pumpkin.

He’d be awful hurt if after all this time you thought his favorite was anything else—not sure how well he could hold himself back if you managed to screw that up.

You are cute though, standing there expectantly, waiting for the hug that’s become a part of your little ritual. He likes the way your titties crush against his chest when you wrap your arms around him, and he lifts you off the ground just a bit for good measure—even he knows that girls love that shit, and to be honest, he’s not quite sure how he’d react if you just up and decided to never come visit him again.

So he’ll keep playing nice, even when it makes the bile rise up to the back of his throat every time your vapid little friends make immature little noises mocking you—and by extension him—for how damn cute you look.

He doesn’t hear the cacophony of hyenas this time though—no—this time it’s a man’s voice.

“So that’s my competition?”

Bo’s jaw goes tense immediately, and he’s not sure if he’s more angry with you for being a fucking slut, or the douchebag leaning out the window and eye-fucking you.

“Get fucked, Corey,” you hiss, throwing the bird over your shoulder without so much as looking at him.

Good Girl, he thinks. Don’t you fucking dare look at that yuppie little fucker.

But that yuppie little fucker is in the shitbucket van—the van you came in on. There’s a metallic taste in Bo’s mouth, and it’s only now that he realizes he’d been biting the inside of his cheek. Truth is, all he is to you is a fucking stop on your road trip—whoever the fuck Corey is, he’s part of your world.

The thought of that shrimpy little cuck bitch getting to fuck you makes him see fucking red.

You have no idea how much danger you’re in right now. There’s nothing Bo wants more that to smack the shit out of your pretty little face for making a fool out of him.

That would teach you—fuck you up so bad no one but him ever wanted to fuck you again.

But he deserves better—he likes your pretty face—so you’d better fucking make it up to him.

What stings the most is that he can’t do shit about any of it right now—and he knows damn well that maybe he never will.

He is not used to feeling powerless, and he is not a fan.

“Oh come on,” The dickprint whines. “You’ll fuck around with this hick but not me?”

So you weren’t fucking him.

That eases Bo’s temper a little bit—even in spite of the fucking rude bullshit the little shit is spewing—and his world stops falling down around him.

“Hey Cumstain, how about you shut your fucking mouth when you’re in my damn town,” Bo fires off, pulling you off to the side of him as he stalks toward the van—your stupid little friends actually look intimidated for once, and it fills him with a surge of pride.

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not staying—unlike you I actually have places to go in life.”

“Corey,” you hiss, and the way your lip curls with rage is getting Bo hot under the collar—you look fucking good when you’re angry.

“Oh calm down,” he waves you off. “You’re not this guy’s type anyway—he looks like he gets all his action at the family reunion.”

Bo’s about two seconds shy of dragging this fucker out of the van and making him settle their differences like men—which is to say, he’d utterly pummel the much smaller guy—because God Damn would it feel good to bash that guy’s skull in until his brain matter is clinging to his fists.

But you get in the way.

You’re marching right back to that van with a fire in your eyes that makes Bo wonder if you might actually have more in common with him than he’d originally thought.

You take a fistful off the fucker’s necklaces, and drag him close to you. “You’re gonna fucking apologize to Bo, and you’re gonna do it right fucking now,” you snarl.

“No way, you fucking crazy bitch!” He squirms, but you don’t let him go until one of your usual group shouts your name a couple of times.

Bo kind of wants to rip her throat out for that—he was really looking forward to seeing what you would have done to that guy if he kept up his disrespectful mouth.

“Okay, Tasha, I’m not going one more mile with this piece of shit—so we’re gonna have to figure something else out,” you save Bo the trouble of snapping at her.

“We’re six hours away from home—what are you planning to do?” She huffs. “Walk?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.” You put your hands up in exasperation, and Bo can’t help but watch you with baited breath—praying to God that this goes where he hopes it’s going.

Maybe, fucking finally, all his patience is about to pay off.

You turn to face him, and he slaps on a super forced looking smile to cover up the manic glee that’s threatening to burst through. “Is there a hotel in Ambrose?”

“Nah,” Bo shakes his head in a mockery of solemnity, before seeming to perk up with an idea that of course hadn’t crossed his mind before. “You can crash with me though if you want—I got plenty’a room for ya.”

He looks like such a fucking gentleman, and you just fucking nod, taking his hand like a fucking dumb slut who has no idea how much danger she’s getting herself into. “Thanks, Bo, I think I’ll have to take you up on that, if it’s not to much trouble.”

“If it were, I wouldn’t have offered.” That should have been fucking obvious—that’s okay though, he’ll have so much time to force some sense into you now—all the time in the fucking world.

“Are you crazy?” Tasha stares at you in utter disbelief, but you don’t budge—at this point, Bo’s not sure if he’d let you, not when he’s so close to finally bringing you home where you belong. “Come on, just get in the van, okay?”

“No, I’m staying—so don’t bother worrying about me.” You squeeze Bo’s hand a little tighter, and it takes all his willpower not to laugh.

He’s well aware that you’re at least partly using him to antagonize your friends, but he’s more than happy to indulge you right now—you’ll be indulging him soon enough.

“Fine, be that way,” she huffs, kicking the van into drive. “I’ll pick you up next week.”

“Fine,” you sneer, and with that, you’ve sealed your fate.

Bo had spent so much time wracking his brain trying to figure out how to separate you from your little friends, but you went and did all the hard work for him.

Stupid little slut.

He watches that rolling scrap pile leave, and the animal in his chest pants and whines and begs him to maul you like the savage dog you’ve made him—but not yet.

He’s the master of this kennel, and he’s feeling like having a little foreplay this time around.

Lucky you.

[oldgayjew]

As to the laws in this country; why is it Ok that the leader of the Republican Party threatens to be a dictator for just one day? He's said he will go after his enemies with his DOJ but he accuses this President of weaponizing his DOJ? Republicans can't have it both ways. There are after all, the party of Law Enforcement. When Trump threatens to use the military to his ends it's no longer a Republic. It's a dictatorship that smells like Banana Republic.

On his first day in office ChinaJoe destroyed the natural gas, oil and coal industries and set off the horrendous inflation we are now experiencing ... he has weaponized the D.O.J. and prosecutes anyone who stands against him ... the Nazicrats have allowed and aided the invasion of over 13,000,000 illegal military-aged males into America, given them financial aid and refuses to close the border ... ChinaJoe bragged that he would undo all of Trump's accomplishments, which he's done, and he rules by Executive Orders ... Trump knows that the only way to stop him is through force ... to defeat this Nazicrat dictator and his Banana Republic Regime it will take nothing short of a Revolution ...

Pull yer head outta yer ass, clean the shit outta yer eyes and ears and pay attention to reality for a change ... yer Trump hatred has blinded you to anything other than Nazicrat propaganda ...

[sgtmickeyslaughter]

WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY

The self care edition

thank you for tagging me @creepkinginc @jrooc @lingy910y and @energievie

Name: gigi

Age: 24

What kind of day is it? i wish everyone reading this could have sat in my last design presentation this evening. it was such a bizarre combination of frustrating and horrible and absurdly hilarious we were all laughing hysterically once we saw those clients were on the elevator - pouring a big girl glass of wine as i type this

When was the last time you ate? like 10 hours ago, but I never eat lunch and dinner is in the oven at the moment

About how many hours of sleep did you get? 5 💀

Name one thing you could do to make your day better right now: text bomb all my friends in my field about my horrible meeting

Why are you not doing that thing? believe me yall, I am

What are you going to do tonight to relax? hanging out on tumblr right now, after dinner I usually write but im having a little writers block atm, so ill patiently work on my comic project and watch tele until it passes

What comfort food do you not eat often enough? Poke

What’s stopping you? its so far away :'(

Have you ever had a professional massage? no but I've really been thinking about it, but i dont like the dentist or hairdressers so I dont think i would like it, luckily my partner gives very good massages

Have you eaten fruits and vegetables today? you know it! I had lychee and bananas with breakfast and im having a salad with dinner

How much water have you had today? many glasses, im always sippin

Is there a self-care gadget you really want to buy? nothing comes to mind but ill put all of you onto something - buy an ergonomic mouse if you spend a lot of time on the computer, my hand was going numb by the end of thesis and this thing changed my life

this is the one i got, its a little pricey and im sure theres cheaper ones but seriously, changed my life

What is your favourite healthy snack?

stovetop popcorn poped in sesame oil and finished with furikake - thank me later

What is your favourite unhealthy snack? jalapeño chips

What is one thing you are going to start doing RIGHT NOW to take better care of yourself? quit my job and move to another city for my quarter life crisis idk yoga?

And to close, I want you to say one NICE thing to yourself that you really need to hear right now: i absolutely adore you! youre amazing! incredible! keep up the good work! fuck that lady with the ugly hair who shit all over your work *eye twitch*

how do you self care? @sweetbee78 @ian-galagher @mybrainismelted @mmmichyyy @iansw0rld @juliakayyy @howlinchickhowl @bawlbrayker @mickeysgaymom @stocious

[averagebsdenjoyer]

random Fyodor hcs, but it's all stuff that happened to me because I kin him an unhealthy amount and my life is a mess.

note: I haven't posted anything on tumblr in 3 years so idfk what I'm doing, also english is like my 3rd language so once again idk what I'm doing. Might be ooc, but actually not because I said so.

°in his childhood when he was crying a bit too much his dad would drag him to the bathroom and half drown him, which is why he rarely shows any negative emotions. °liked to play chess with his dad, but somehow always lost. °anytime he hears keys in the door he gets a slight fright because it reminds him of when his dad got home. °read a lot as a kid, but kids at school would ignore him for that and call him a «nerd», so in 6th grade he forced himself to stop reading to blend in with the other kids.

°bites his nails and the skin around since forever, which is why his fingers are pretty ugly lmao. °hates to sleep in complete darkness because when he was a kid he’d get vivid nightmares.

°hyperlexic.

°fucking half blind, can’t see shit without his glasses, but refuses to wear them. °anemic. Iron defiency. Anytime he stands up too fast he almost passes out but acts as if everything is ok.

°began walking when he was 7 months old (there’s a video of me running in the hospital when I was like 7 month help) and no one believes him. °hates bananas and mayonnaise. Anything slimy tbh.

°hated pe with every cell of his body, physically couldn’t do  cartwheel. Tried to learn it at home at 2am, banged his head against the wall and had to go to the emergency room. °we all know how well he plays the cello (I don’t.) but he can’t sing for shit. He just sucks at it. °greasy fucking hair, has to wash it every 2 days or he’ll become an oil factory. °DRY ASS SKIN. Nikolai constantly has to remind him to apply lotion. °likes to play black in chess. °can cook some basic foods, but overall would rather not cook at all. °sensory issues, he can’t stand most materials against his skin which is why he hasn’t changed in 10 years. °most people, specifically their ways of eating and talking piss him off so much he’s ready to get violent. THATS IT AND I'LL BE BACK WITH MORE.

[vidaamour]

HOW THE FUCK DO I COOK THAT IM BROKE AS SHIT (HTFDICTIBASVV) , Master post:

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

hi i'm so excited to read your classical music au when it's ready! if you feel like it, may i humbly request a snippet 👀

HI yes you absolutely may!! This is a bit long for a snippet but I figured I’d just post the full opening sequence, which kinda lays out the basic premise and the main character dynamics. Under the cut, warning for the general premise of Jim and Claire Phelps interacting with an underage Ethan.

“Violin up,” said Jim, and Ethan raised it to his shoulder. Jim moved around him in a slow, appraising circle, and paused where Ethan couldn’t see.

They were in the living room, all warm red walls and thick patterned rugs, a grand piano in one corner with its lid open like a mouth. Ethan was barefoot. From behind him, Jim’s hands found the points of Ethan’s hipbones, feather-light.

“Ethan,” he said, “I’d like to show you something. Lean a little more on your left leg for me.” Ethan shifted his weight. The touch of Jim’s fingers moved with him.

“See how you bent your knee a bit?” Jim’s voice was a brisk, gentle murmur. “That was good. Have you ever surfed, Ethan?”

Ethan frowned. “Not really.”

“O.K., can you imagine it?”

“Sure.”

“I’m going to move you,” said Jim, his fingers pressing a little more firmly on Ethan’s hips, “and I want you to imagine you’re surfing out on the ocean, and you have to keep balance or you’ll fall in.”

Ethan nodded against the violin under his chin. There was something calming about having his body in Jim’s hands, for Jim to move. It made Ethan feel outside of himself.

Jim slowly drew Ethan’s hips to one side—then the other—Ethan shifted his weight to accommodate, his torso held upright under Jim’s fingers. Back, and forth, and back, and then Jim stilled him leaning slightly on his left foot. Ethan stayed perfectly still, every muscle frozen, but relaxed, not stiff.

“Good boy,” said Jim. “That’s the way I want you moving. No more of this straight leg shit.”

Ethan’s lessons with Jim happened on Monday, every Monday at noon. Jim arranged his whole schedule around it. Other than that he was gone all the time, training his class of 20-odd college age violinists at the Peary Institute of Music, the elite conservatory where he’d worked for the past thirty-five years. Ethan was going to audition at Peary next year. He was sixteen years old; at fourteen, he’d left his family to live in Virginia with Professor Jim Phelps and his young wife, Claire. They were training him to become the best violinist in the world.

Over two years, life in the little house with Jim and Claire had settled into a well oiled routine. At 6:30 am sharp Ethan would get woken up by Jim turning on the lights. He’d fumble his way out of bed half-dead and sit in the kitchen in his boxers eating a bowl of cereal while Jim got ready to go to work. After Jim left, Ethan would pull on some clothes and take his violin out of the case, tighten his bow and slide on his shoulder-rest like he was assembling a weapon. He’d bring it with him into the master bedroom, where Claire would still be asleep, her hair a mess, one arm flung over her eyes. He’d stand at the foot of the bed and practice while she mumbled critique into her elbow—“do that again—slower. No, Ethan, that’s out of tune. Turn on the metronome. Slower…”

She’d wake up gradually, push herself up in the bed and watch him owlishly. “Ethan, are you hearing me? Well, you didn’t do it. Would you have fixed it, yourself?”

She’d heat up a TV dinner in the microwave for Ethan’s lunch, and for herself she’d peel the lid off a yogurt cup: banana, strawberry-banana, mixed-berry. They’d eat on the couch in front of the TV, Claire flipping through channels until it landed on the news, or a rerun of one of the old shows she liked. Ethan would relax into her, their shoulders pressed together. When it was time for him to start practicing again, he’d always complain. He was tired, his head hurt, he couldn’t focus. “Oh, Ethan,” she’d say, and pet his hair.

After Ethan finished all of his practicing, if he’d been good, Claire would teach him a few chords or a little tune on the piano. She was a pianist herself, although she hadn’t performed in years, except to accompany Jim’s students. She’d noticed his fascination with the instrument only a few months into Ethan moving in, and she’d figured out how to use it to soothe him, even on his worst days when anger was chewing out of his stomach. He’d sit at the keyboard and place his fingers on the ivories. She’d lean over his shoulder, her hair brushing the back of his neck, and show him: wider spread, relaxed wrists.

Instead of playing video games or watching the TV in his free time, Ethan went on long walks with Claire around the neighborhood, or picked up books from the library to read under the covers at night when he was supposed to be sleeping. He didn’t have time to read in the day, most days—by the time Jim got home, 8 or 9 or so, Ethan was usually still finishing up his coursework for online school, Claire in the living room looking out the window pretending she wasn’t waiting for Jim’s car in the driveway.

“Ethan,” Claire said, “you’re so loud. Don’t do that.” She was sprawled out on Ethan’s bed half-under the covers, in a pretty black blouse and her underwear. Ethan was standing a few feet away, aware of her eyes on him while he played. It was after 9, and Jim still hadn’t come home. Ethan was learning Dvorak’s Humoresque no. 7, for no reason other than that it was her favorite.

Ethan poked his bow at the page propped on the black metal folding stand to his left. “It says forte.”

“The forte is a lie. Mezzo. Piano.”

“Okay, okay.”

“Write it in.”

“I’ll remember,” said Ethan.

“Will you,” said Claire, with a wry twist of her mouth.

It was getting dark in Ethan’s bedroom, and neither of them had turned the light on. Cool air came in through the half-open window. “I will,” he said.

Claire’s mouth thinned. “Start the section again,” she said. As Ethan lifted the bow—“Mezzo piano.”

The Dvorak was tricky. It had to be precise, but free, and sweeping, and sentimental, and simple and pure, and it had to be more than any of that, it didn’t work somehow just being beautiful, but that was the way Claire wanted it, just beautiful.

Ethan played carefully, softening the jagged edges of the rhythm in his bowarm; Claire made vague, graceful gestures with her hands. “Sing,” she said, “sing out, let it sing.” Ethan shut his eyes and imagined the way the notes would expand in someone’s lungs, the soft sound of breath from the belly. Claire said, “You’re just going right through—no. Every note, it should be like honey, like—not so rough. Ethan.”

They worked until 10 before she finally let him put his violin away. Ethan shut the case, locked it, stood to find Claire smiling at him, patting the space next to her on his bed. He smiled back at her.

The mattress sank under his body when he curled in next to her. In his line of sight: the music stand, the violin case, the blank opposite wall. Behind him: Claire’s body, her breath on his neck, hot. Her arm draped over his stomach. Ethan shut his eyes and stayed still.

After a while, Claire said, “I hope Jim’s all right.”

“He’s probably fine,” Ethan murmured.

“I wish he would be home when he said he would.”