#MC needs a lifetime of therapy

[mcmadcanvas]

Ill never not be poor huh?

[cursedcola]

Can I request an imagine of the dorm leaders chap 1-4 going to therapy after their overblot? How would they react to it and what problems would they work through? Someone help these boys :’)

Prompt: Dorm leaders go to therapy post-overblot Characters: Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Azul Ahsengrotto, and Kalim Al' Asim (ft. Special Guest) Warnings: Mentioning of emotional distress and disorders DISLCAIMER: This is not serious what-so-ever. This prompt will be taken in a light-hearted context for simple headcannons. I do not claim to have any professional knowledge of anything within this post.

Premise:

Dire Crowley does not want the reputation of NRC to fall because of a few "mishaps," popping up as of late. Rather than hiring a professional School Psychologist, he decides to call upon a ghost therapist to haunt one of the back rooms in Ramshackle Hall. Any student involved in recent, "mishaps," are "encouraged," to go seek counseling.

Oh, no. Not you MC. You're fine just as you are. Please tend to the "guests," in your home when they are on the premises. Since NRC's therapist is a ghost, they will need an assistant with posable thumbs to do the heavy lifting. Remember that you are staying in Ramshackle FOR FREE at the KIND GRACE of your beloved headmaster, yes?

One other thing. Be sure to share all the gossip with NRC staff when you're through. Have Fun ~

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Riddle Rosehearts

Mommy Issues

Man has identity issues like no other. He's pulling traits from textbook definitions and does not think for himself

He goes into therapy thinking that he knows exactly what answers to give. Definitely the one to think that he is out-smarting all the "mind games" being thrown his way

He goes because it's "recommended," but is peeved that its a ghost. NRC is that cheap, really?

Gets told to go to anger management. Becomes angry at the suggestion. Cycle continues.

In all seriousness though, he definetly benefits from having an impartial person to talk with. "Dead Men Tell No Tales," like who is the ghost going to gossip to? They're bound to the dorm?

Nevermind assistant MC pssshh they're totally not listening in

More than being upset at his overblot, Riddle is thankful for it. It threw him on his ass for a wake-up call, and is now working towards becoming his own person

Kind of funny how his mother acted all superior in her child-rearing, when she completely ignored his mental state. Yeah. He isn't moving back in after graduation.

Leona Kingscholar

He has to be physically forced into therapy. I.E Crowley makes you trick him

He did not trust you much before, but now? Run. Lock the door. Take his magestone and DO NOT let him out of that room

Best listen through the door on this one because he can and will kill you

Anyways. Inferiority complex, anxiety, emotional neglect, stress - plenty to unpack for this one. It's a good thing that the therapist is a ghost, because Leona would have harasses the door key from them somehow

Funny enough, he talks plenty when mad. All the therapist has to do is edge him on and he's raving up a storm.

I don't need stupid therapy...this is all his fault... overblot? Someone say anythin'? why should I care then? Not like I have anything to be ashamed about

Very open-book, just in-directly

In all honesty? Leona's likely not going to get much out of the session. He'll be more willing to come back if it's mandatory since he has a feel for what it's like. I think he has a good sense of what's hurting him after his overblot, and it's not something a third party can fix. He needs to duke it out with his brother back at home.

Azul Ashengrotto

If you thought Riddle was bad, then Azul's cockiness is horrifying. He is seriously trying to act like he can outsmart a therapist with a lifetime of experience. All because he read a few Psychology 101 books.

He was told about the requirement the night prior to his appointment. Why? So he couldn't try to make a contract with the therapist. Also so he couldn't do any research.

Oh yeah. He tries that. The contract thing. It's not even five minutes into the session and he's attempting to swindle the secrets of other patients. After all, the ghost is dead, so private policy who???

Fails

It is actually painful to hear him conjure up a fake life-story. Did he think that Crowley sent the ghost in blind? He did. You filled them in. Azul really needs to take this seriously.

Which is why he is told to come back. Twice a week. Oh, you have a restaurant to run? You want to be expelled? Better show up.

He is the hardest nut to crack and the anxiety this boy holds is so intense-

Ghost therapist makes you go buy a heating pad. He's always got such tense shoulders

Overall, he benefits from the therapy. Ghost therapist has him doing self-affirmations and journaling every day.

They also work on his relationship with food. It's good that he wants to be healthy, but on terms of self-image there is a lot to be done. Azul needs to learn that enemies die quicker when you have thicccc thighs (tentacles) to demolish them with.

^ can be taken in many ways. It's up to you if MC decides to add on their own little affirmation hehe

Kalim Al' Asim

Couple's therapy

The session is more for Jamil, but Kalim has his place. Ghost Therapist is honestly shocked at how well Kalim has reacted to recent events

In short, identity issues again. There are sessions dedicated to Jamil, some for Kalim, and others where Ghost Therapist leads a conversation between the two

Well, for as long as Kalim sits still. He's listening, but gets side tracked so many times.

Jamil and Kalim definitely argue about MC being there. Jamil wants you out, and Kalim is all "do you just...not remember what you put them through? Not cool,"

On that day it was therapy for three

I want to believe that Ghost Therapist touches on Kalim's choice of only eating Jamil's food. Yes, he trust Jamil but that is a lot of pressure on one person. Youa re expecting them to make all of your food, being entirely dependent, etc

As for Jamil, they definitely go into his feelings towards his lineage. Jamil knows who he is, but he can't be that person with those familial blockades.

Yup. Couple's therapy. Hands down.

These two are the most compliant. It took some convincing, but the overblot incident has put strong tensions on both students' relationship with the school. They are not stupid. If it's mandatory then it is mandatory.

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack Headcanons - Alice and Ian's Breakup

I wound up going on a bit of a ramble in a thread over on twitter yesterday about the breakup between Ian and Alice. My friend @sai-of-the-7-stars suggested that I put it in a tumblr too, so here we go, with some extra thoughts and commentary. After all, once you get me going on a ramble it's hard to stop me, hahahaha.

Before I begin, I'll quickly link to some previous theories that relate to this discussion, such as why Ian cheated, a few spicy details about Alice and Ian's sex life, reasons why Alice can't bring herself to hurt Ian, her family's reactions to his cheating, and other assorted headcanons relating to the two of them and their breakup here, here, here, and here. I'm probably missing some links to relevant prior discussions, but there are so many headcanons at this point that even a search engine isn't enough to sort through them all, haha.

Disclaimer: these headcanons apply to my personal fan made continuity known as Sunshine in Hell and don't necessarily reflect the game. No doubt the actual relationship between MC and Ian is going to have a different set of nuances to it than I'm exploring in my writing. Not to mention each MC is unique and the branching paths of the game will lead to different outcomes between these two.

Also, content warning: this post will discuss a relationship turned toxic, unhealthy levels of emotional dependency, codependency, emotional manipulation, self-loathing, past traumas, religious guilt, and just unhealthy relationship dynamics in general. This is an Adults Only game and touches on mature topics after all.

With that out of the way, let's discuss how Alice tried to end her relationship with Ian before the start of Sunshine in Hell... which, as we can see in chapter 6, was less than successful.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, Ian really needs therapy. Thanks to a lifetime of abuse at the hands of his toxic mother, not to mention the bullying and isolation he received from his peers while growing up, he has a lot of issues. Really, I'd argue he probably needs therapy more than he needs a relationship right now.

Alice isn't ignorant of that fact. Her coming to the realization that a lot of their relationship revolved around her trying to help fix his issues for him was pretty much the key that led her to choosing to end things for good. As much as she wants to help Ian, as much as she loves him... she can't fix him. No one should be expected to fix anyone else's issues... especially if they've given up on the idea that they can get better.

Ian's self-confidence is... pretty miserable, to be frank. We've seen plenty of examples of it in the demo and in teasers. He depends on his partner to be the strong one. He doesn't see himself being able to handle going on without them... He sees MC as the strong one, and he pretty much is so used to being torn down that he tears himself down preemptively, constantly feeling the need to apologize.

Alice did try to help Ian with his confidence. Since the first day they met, she has been there for him, supported him, cared for him deeply... and eventually loved him more than anyone else. She defended him from bullies, held him whenever he cried, reassured him that he's better than what everyone else has said, listened to him vent, and accepted every apology he's given her regardless if he actually made a mistake or not.

She accepted his apologies even if he didn't actually understand what he did wrong.

There were good moments between them, but Ian kept needing Alice's support. He couldn't handle standing on his own. He depended on her to the point that it was crushing. Things would have been more balanced between them if he shouldered some of the weight of her problems as well, but he couldn't handle them. He was convinced he couldn't. He wasn't strong like her.

Ian was supportive, but it was a far more fragile support, one that crumbled so very easily as the pressure overwhelmed him.

Alice is the oldest child in a large and loving family. She's been the responsible child, helping with all the younger siblings. She coped with being sick with something incurable, and never let the bullies see her cry. She stood up to Ian's mother directly for his sake, something that he could never bring himself to do. She always seemed so much larger than life to him even though they were the same age. She always seemed better than him, at least in his eyes.

Ian couldn't understand why Alice struggled with self-confidence issues. Maybe it was his fault? If it was, he's sorry. He thinks she's beautiful and other people are weird. He doesn't like them like he likes her. If she's feeling bad, then it must be his fault, and he's so sorry...

Essentially, Ian was so ready to take the blame for everything... including his partner's own problems. This left Alice needing to reassure him on top of handle her own issues.

So it was just easier for Alice not to talk about issues with Ian. She just dismissed her problems as something she could handle. She can deal with it. She's oldest in her house. She's mature. She's smart. Heck, she was gifted in school. Gifted kid burnout what's that?

Ian doesn't have support like Alice does. His family doesn't love him. His only family abuses him. He needs her. He needs her understanding. He doesn't mean to hurt her. Heck, he's feeling bad because she's feeling bad. How can that be toxic behavior?

That's why it took Alice so long to accept that what she and Ian had wasn't a healthy relationship. She was supporting the emotional weight for both of them, and Ian thought that supporting her financially would balance that scale... though he didn't think he could make it on his own.

The signs were there even before Ian left for his prestigious school. The long distance relationship made their problems worse, since Ian didn't have Alice to support him in the way he was used to. There were scheduling problems and suddenly he had all these friends that were demanding his time. He had connections he needed to forge, a chance at actually making it in the future... and he got a taste of popularity for the first time. He got to see that other people weren't as weird or off-putting as he convinced himself they were...

Supporting Ian over phone calls and messaging aps was harder for Alice to do than in person. She couldn't hold him while he cried. She struggled for words sometimes, as verbal conversations are her weak point. Texting was easier in that regard, but that was so impersonal to Ian. He needed to hear her voice and see her face.

Whenever Ian had a problem, he brought it to Alice, asking her what he should do. Over time he leaned on her advice more as they grew. He depended on her when they were living together and even after moving he needed her help... though there were things he would keep secret from her for fear that she wouldn't understand. After all, he felt so much shame towards himself and his desires...

The cheating was the breaking point for the two of them, but even then that wasn't the end right away. Despite Alice being hospitalized for alcohol poisoning and accidentally injuring herself after finding out... she wanted to forgive Ian. He was sorry. She knew that was sorry. She knew him better than anyone. She believed his story that it just happened... that he just got swept up by the other person's charms and lost control of himself.

After all, Ian had a history of losing control of himself when it came to sex.

There were couples that did come back from cheating. It wasn't impossible, and Alice didn't want the relationship to be over. She wanted so badly to believe that it was just another mistake made by Ian. Poor, clumsy, apologetic Ian... the only one who could ever love or desire her...

But this wasn't healthy. Their relationship after this while trying to repair things was so much worse. Alice couldn't even handle kissing Ian, and the guilt struck him each time she asked for more time before she could handle physical intimacy with him again. Before, she could power through even being choked or rough sex despite hating it, but now...

It felt wrong. His "I love you" and all those promises that she was the only one for him felt like lies. Ian still spent time with those friends of his who crossed boundaries, not even completely cutting off the person he cheated with. He couldn't due to the connections he was forming to further his career. He was just starting out, and those connections would make or break everything. He had to smile for the camera and socialize. He had to become successful.

It was the only way to make his cheating worth it at that point. It was the only way Ian could see repairing what he had broken.

It was hellish for both of them. Alice eventually was forced to realize that this wasn't what a relationship was supposed to look like - romantic or otherwise. With the help of her friends like Shaun and some of her family, she was able to accept that there really was no coming back from this.

Their relationship had been sick for a long time, and the cheating was the final blow that killed it. Nothing good would come from trying to force its corpse to keep moving even as it continued to rot.

Really, what helped Alice manage the strength to end things was knowing that this was damaging Ian as well. She was so used to just accepting her own pain for his sake that it really was what was needed to make her see that this self-sacrifice wasn't good for either of them.

Alice realized that she wasn't Ian's support like she always thought she was - she was his enabler. She let him use her in order to feel better, more like a bandage over his issues than a person. She had become more like a narcotic he depended on to hobble through the day rather than taking real steps to get better.

So, when Alice decided that it had to end, she wrote down everything she wanted to say. It was the only way she would be able to force him to see the truth like she did. She wanted Ian to get help, go to therapy, explore what he really wanted out of life... without her. Without considering her at all in the future. He had to be independent of her... and she needed to be independent of him.

The relationship was too toxic. The trust was gone. It was best for both of them if they went their separate ways.

Love isn't supposed to hurt this badly.

Ian, of course, couldn't accept this. Alice couldn't even read out the entire speech she wrote down before he was on his knees in tears, begging her not to give up on him, on them... to not throw him away like everyone else. He made mistakes, but he'll do better. He's so sorry! He loves her!

Ian always had a way of knowing how to make Alice want to protect him.

It's hard ending things with someone you love, even if you know it's what's best for the both of you.

Try as she might, Alice couldn't be harsh on Ian. She couldn't yell and scream or smash things... she felt so bad for him. She still loved him so, so much... wanted the world for him... and that love was stifling his growth... and slowly killing her.

The best Alice could do was a compromise. A break. They would be broken up "for now." They needed to give each other space if there was any hope of them reconciling in the future.

It was the biggest lie Alice ever told Ian, and he was desperate enough to believe it.

To Alice there is no chance. It hurts too much. That's why she left their shared apartment, left behind anything she could afford to that had too many memories attached to Ian. Anything she couldn't, she has to try and work through her own issues with in her new place.

She didn't tell him where she moved.

To Ian, this is just a break. That's all it is. This is just like if one of them went off to camp for a week before they got cell phones and couldn't make contact. They'll get back together. He just has to fix things. He has to make what he did worth it. He has to get them the house they always dreamed off in the place they always wanted to raise kids in... plenty of money to take care of them both where Alice never has to worry about anything ever again, not even him cheating...

But Ian knows they're on the brink. Alice doesn't call him or send him messages, and that's terrifying. He did give her some time at first. Maybe a week or two... but she wasn't posting on her social medias. He didn't know what she was up to. Was she eating or taking care of herself? She skipped meals sometimes. She overworked herself so much. She hurt herself badly before without him. What if she was in the hospital again? Who would tell him?

So Ian stalks Alice on her socials. He contacts anyone who knows her and is still willing to try and mediate things between them, like Coraline and a couple mutual friends. He sends her voice mails and messages so she won't forget him, making sure she knows he's sorry and that he'll fix things.

Ian is willing to apologize every day for the rest of his life if it'll fix things.

Alice never answers him, and that only makes him more desperate to hear from her. It's what leads him to leaving so many voice mails. He's not blocked, and he knows she didn't change her number since he still hears her sweet voice asking callers to leave a message... but she never gets back to him.

Ian makes posts about stuff she would like on his socials, hoping to spark conversations, trying to provoke a response, but they don't. Sometimes he tags her with things he knows she likes. He knows he's not blocked so she must see them. He tagged them properly!

They know each other better than anyone, right? Ian knows more about Alice than even her family knows. Even when things ended, he knew she loves him, even if he couldn't understand why she would insist on taking a break despite them loving each other...

They'll get over this. They have to. They've come back from other rough patches. They still love each other. It's just a break. Alice said so herself. Eventually... as long as Ian just tries harder to fix things... things will be okay between them in the end... right?

Every message from Ian is hell to Alice. Every tear he sheds because of her is like acid on her skin. She wants to scream at him to just stop since it hurts so much... but she can't because she knows he's hurting too.

Alice ended things. She had to be strong for both of them. She always had to be the strong one. The only way things would get better is if she stays strong and never says a word to Ian again. Eventually... he'll figure out that he doesn't need her... that he shouldn't need her like he convinced himself does.

The sad thing is that Ian is aware that Alice still cares. If she didn't, she would have blocked him. She wouldn't let his messages get through. He doesn't know if she's listening to his messages, but he still sends them with the hope that she is, that something he says somehow makes things right.

Ian, unfortunately, isn't self-aware of how manipulative he's being. It hasn't really clicked that this is far beyond Alice being hurt by him cheating or upset by him "not measuring up as a partner" as he believes it to be. He's not seeing his toxic traits and wasn't really listening when Alice tried to tell him what the real problems were in that final speech when they broke up.

Ian knows he's a crappy partner. He knows he's all these awful things people said he was that Alice used to reassure him that he wasn't. This just proves it. He just has to make everything worth it in the end, give her things she needs that can make her feel proud of having a successful partner like him, someone actually worthy of being partners with someone so kind and giving...

This is why Ian needs therapy so badly. He's focusing on the wrong issues without really understanding what he's really doing to Alice that's so damaging. He is the pitiful victim, substandard and pathetic, needing someone stronger than him to love him despite his flaws.

Ian was focusing so much on what's wrong with him and what he thinks he needs to improve that he doesn't realize how much he's taking from Alice... and he doesn't really listen to what he needed to give in return in order for them to be equal as partners.

All relationships are about give and take from both sides. Unfortunately, Alice kept giving and Ian kept taking.

Apologies aren't enough when a person keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. Eventually even, "I'm sorry," can be repeated until the words become utterly meaningless.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

[natasha-in-space]

Hello! I was wondering if you did ships- other than with the MC, if so may I request a Yooseven oneshot- full of fluff! Or even just headcanons of they’re relationship! Thank you! ^^

While I'm not much of a shipper when it comes to mm gang, it's always fun for me to try and imagine how their dynamic would change with romantic context! Yooseven is definitely one of my favorite pairs in the fandom, second to Vumin. Their dynamic is already so wholesome and entertaining to watch! Here are some of my personal headcanons for these two in a relationship :3

TW for alcohol mention!

• Weirdly enough, it is Yoosung who is on the protective side of their relationship. This became the case between them only after he learned the whole truth about Saeyoung's past and what he had to go through in order to get to where he is now. And, well, once he comes to know all about his troubled childhood and just how much he suffered throughout his lifetime... Yoosung is determined to ensure Saeyoung's happiness at whatever cost. He will fight tooth and nail for him, refusing to back down in the face of danger. After all, it is a known fact that Yoosung is much braver than he may seem!

• In his point of view, Saeyoung has suffered more than enough now. He has been sacrificing his well-being in order to ensur happiness for his loved ones for far too long now. It's time for someone to turn the tables on him and let him feel protected and cared for, for once in his life! Because Saeyoung has always been by his side, by everyone's side... He needs to know just how loved and cherished he truly is.

• In the beginning, Saeyoung will often become frustrated by Yoosung acting all protective over him. It's... an unfamiliar territory for him. To be treated like this. At first, he will inevitably act out at him at times and refuse any help coming his way, however small it may be. But, given some time (and therapy) he comes to accept this feeling of giving up control to someone he trusts and loves, little by little. His heart flutters any time Yoosung defends him in the chatroom or outside of it, regardless of how small the issue may be. Yoosung can demand extra pickles for him in their Mcdonald's drive-through and his heart would melt.

• He may or may not stage some silly accidents down the line, just to feel like a princess being saved by her prince charming.

• Yoosung stops drinking all together thanks to Saeyoung! Once he learns how uncomfortable alcohol makes him, he decides to drop his drinking, both for Saeyoung's sake, as well as his own. This also made him look back on all of his differing experiences with alcohol, eventually coming to the conclusion, that his drinking did not help much with his mental health. On the contrary, drinking only made him feel more miserable with himself, making him cry himself to sleep with his grief over Rika consuming him.

• Saeyoung's devotion to his brother made Yoosung realize that he needs to prioritize what he has right now, instead of living in the past. A part of him felt like... He was making things right by Rika by helping Saeyoung rescue Saeran. Well, at least until he learned the truth about Saeran's initiation into the cult.

• Believe it or not, their idea of an ideal family life is pretty similar! Both of them are more than happy to spend their days just lazing around inside of the bunker: Yoosung taking care of the chores around the house, and Saeyoung organizing their leisure. It's a fair trade, really. Sometimes they do change stuff around, but, alas, it often ends in complete disaster, as Saeyoung just cannot bring himself to follow the recipe or focus on cleaning alone. If they do decide to create some chaos around the house, it'll be whenever Saeran isn't around to suffer through it.

• We all know that Yoosung is a sucker for enjoying a good romance. But, what about Saeyoung? Well, I'll be happy to inform you that Yoosung has successfully managed to bring out the more sappier side of the older twin. Granted, he wouldn't go along with it right away. Saeyoung would often make stupid jokes or question specific decisions made by the characters, but give him some time, and he's going to be as invested in the unfolding story as he was with the last science-fiction series he finished.

• Yoosung's emotional side makes Saeyoung feel more comfortable showing his own weakness and shedding a few tears during an emotional scene, before brushing his tears away and sneaking a kiss on his partner's cheek. While Saeyoung might not be as romantic as Yoosung is, that does not mean he's not willing to try and arrange something out of this world, if he knows that that's what his boyfriend often daydreams about. He's all about making dreams come true! And what better way to gain some inspiration than by watching some tear jerking romance while cuddling and munching down on delicious snacks?

• Yoosung, on the other hand, enjoys making Saeyoung slow down and enjoy the moment. The dates that he plans for them are often peaceful and slow-paced: be it a walk on the beach or preparing a tasty picnic under the night sky his partner loves so dearly. It's a nice balance of excitement and peace that keeps them both as happy and fulfilled as they can be.

• They are the nerdiest couple around. Video games, movies, anime, manga, animation series - they will binge them all. Not to mention cosplay. Oh, boy, the cosplay... Once Saeyoung manages to make Yoosung try it once, there's no stopping what comes next. They are nerds, and they are not ashamed to show it!

• One of Saeyoung's favorite things is surprising Yoosung with a crushing hug from behind, practically lifting him off of the ground (and sometimes even twirling him around the room if he's feeling especially giddy). He can and will carry Yoosung around whenever he feels like it. Down the stairs, up the stairs, to the kitchen, to the garage - it doesn't matter. Definitely loves to tease him and loudly announce just how strong he is, simply because this is the easiest way to make Yoosung blush and stutter over his own words.

• On the other hand, Yoosung has a knack for giving compliments, which is a neat combo, considering just how weak Saeyoung is to praise. Really, he can take one look at his boyfriend, smile, and state how beautiful his eyes look in this light, and Saeyoung is done for. All of his bravado is out the window with one single genuine compliment, turning him into a blushy blabbering mess. With time, Yoosung just stops trying to make sense of his nervous ramblings, simply chuckling in response, before shutting his adorable boyfriend up with a tender kiss to his lips. Yes, Yoosung is much more straightforward with his affections!

• Pet names are... a weird thing with these two. See, you have Saeyoung, leaning his head onto Yoosungs shoulder, gazing lovingly into his eyes, before calling him 'his shmoopy' with utmost confidence in his voice, to which his partner will respond by addressing him with a lighthearted 'darling'. Listening to them flirt will give you a whiplash. They are both ridiculous and sickly sweet at the same time, much to the distress of everyone bearing witness to this confusing display in the chatroom.

• Saeyoung helps Yoosung experiment with his style! Be it his clothes, hair, or even nails and makeup - Saeyoung is more than excited to aid his advice on it all. It makes him so very happy to see Yoosung slowly but surely discovering who he is through self-expression... And it makes him feel more inspired to try something new himself! Really, these two are more fashionable than you may think.

• Yoosung's family basically adopts Saeyoung once they can be sure that they are safe enough to meet each other properly. Yoosung's mother adores him with all her heart and will go into full 'caring parent' mode whenever they decide to visit. They don't know all of the details, but the do know he had a troubled childhood... Which is why Yoosung's family is so determined to make both Saeyoung and Saeran feel as welcomed as possible. It's going to take time for both of the twins to feel more or less comfortable being taken care of in such an unfamiliar way, but nobody is rushing them to act a certain way. And, if someone does mess up, Yoosung is quick to take notice of the problem and bring it up the next time he sees the opportunity to do so.

[exilethegame]

my mc is trystan’s biggest fan but at the same time, after a lifetime of being forced into a very specific mold before being abruptly cast aside, they’re also like… “hiii, I love you, but hello?? u stole my job? give it back u little baby” when what they rly need is a seaside vacation and some therapy after they swing on the overseer one last time ❤️

This reminds me of a very weird horror movie I watched once called The Perfection... but it tackled the obsession of wanting to be "the best" in something regardless of the suffering or abuse you must withstand to be it (Or otherwise seeking the approval of your abusers, or even being jealous when your abuser abandons you to go to someone else).

T'was incredibly f*cked up but also very interesting!

In general for the game, though, I'd like to go back and give more explicit options for MC to miss home or their role in the army. Right now MC is always written as being reluctant (for the sake of finishing the game on time), but when I go back to edit I'd love to add more choices there! :)

[fyodior]

Hi, my favorite thigh humpers it's me 🪱 again. omg, two asks back to back? and not literally three months apart? guys therapy is working. actually, I haven't had a therapy appointment in three months! not because I don't need it but because I keep forgetting 🥰 also Flora I know you're busy and need time to go through your inbox and reply so don't worry about getting back to me!

anyways do you guys like fictional war criminals' cocks? I bet you do! (if not why tf are you on this blog 😭 ) Well boy do I have the thing for you! unhinged HC about Fyodor featuring me describing his dick at random throughout the post.

-Fyodor is a regular customer buying body butter on Etsy, his favorite scent is sweet alpha musk.

-Fyodor only uses the towels he bought at a garage sale that has like the cupid babies embroidered on them and has "Love" sewn into them.

-Fyodor calls the stem of a grape the butt plug of nature.

-Fyodor won't admit it but all he wants to do is take a warm bath, while ABBA plays in the background.

-Fyodor once kidnapped a 4-year-old during the 2011 Olympics at 8:07pm in Shanghai China. He took to a restaurant because kids under the age of 10 get to eat for free and he lost his wallet while bike riding. The kid had tons of fun and Fyodor even got her a stuffed bear from the arcade. He is now on a watchlist. Fyodor's dick is a 6.9889 inches

-Fyodor has like ten pairs of shoes and each one of them is embroidered with FBGM, or Fuck Bitches Get Money. Nikola said it was an abbreviation of a famous passage in the bible. Fyodor is an idiot lmao anyways fuck bitches get money RAHH

-Fyodor likes to eat his bread rolls as if he's a starving victorian child. Sigma doesn't know if he doesn't because it's funny or if it's a trauma response. Fyodor's dick leans about 20 degrees to the right. \

-Fyodor likes talking and strolls through parks quite often :)

-Fyodor was a head campaign manager for Obama's re-election year! he also embezzled 100,000 USD from the US government.

-Fyodor dresses up all his pets in clothes every day. and on holidays he comes up with matching outfits

-Fyodor half the time doesn't know what he's doing when he's hacking, he kinda just presses random buttons and hopes he doesn't accidentally doesn't shut down some country's water system. He's smart enough to easily learn and pick up on patterns of code but is just too lazy some days. His dick is rather skinny but he knows how to use it

-Fyodor is a fan of Kafka's work so one day he decided to read letters to Milena, Fyodor no longer believes in love because know has ever told him that "in a way, you are like poetry material; you are full of cloudy subtitles I am willing to spend a lifetime figuring out." lmao he literally was so dramatic afterward. Nikola complimented his outfit and he said: "if you don't tell me I am like poetry that you're willing to spend your life figuring out then don't fucking say anything."

-Fyodor may or may not have had a bbl. his tip is a light flush pink and the base is slightly tanner than the rest of his body not by much but it's noticeable enough.

-Fyodor thought S&M by Rihanna was about getting arrested. LMAO

-Fyodor one time had to go pee so bad he used a Gatorade bottle to pee in and left it on the side of the road that said: 'for those with a piss kink'

-Fyodor has fought an 11-year-old at Mc Donalds because, in their BTS meal, they got a Namjoon photocard. (they only did the photocard thing in Korea I think)

-Fyodor ran up two flights of stairs passed out and ended up taking care of some old lady's apartment while she traveled through Europe

-Fyodor can't pronounce the word pronounced. I want his cock shoved down my throat.

-Fyodor collects stickers but doesn't know what to stick them on too so now he has two drawers of stickers. his balls are about average darker than the rest, and he's well-trimmed.

-Fyodor has thought about marrying his hat, and having sex with it! he was on acid at this time.

welp, that's all for today, sorry if this was short, and also sorry if this is like spamming? again no need to answer me right away mwah

Sincerely your one and only fuckable hat

-🪱

literally no words there is nothing i could say to make this any better im just gonna sit here and cackle thank u so much

the random descriptions of his cock thrown in genuinely kill me

[duskwoodgirl4life]

Resquesting something to make me feel some type of comfort. Jake x f!reader where she just starts coughing and then her whole body shakes and she can’t moves her legs, fingers or cheeks cause it hurts a lot? It happened to me today I had to get carried to the urgency’s and they did some stuff on me so I got better and I can move again but the reason it happens was a mix of allergic reactions because of some meds I was taking because I was coughing a lot and I had a anxiety attack and couldn’t breath correctly. If you could come up with Jake being by her side or something trough it I would love to read it! (I’m horrible at any medic terms) but they used a needle on my forearm so I would connect to a liquid with medication and it was going to my body. After 20 minutes I started to feel my hand getting better. When it was all in my gains I could fully move again. They removed it, I got called by the doctor again and they said to not take those meds again and go back to therapy which I was skipping for 3 weeks now 😭 anyways I know this is a LOTTTTTTTT but I just need some comfort after all this happened (by the way I got orange bracelet which means I could get attended quicker cause I was full on not moving and breathing really weirdly because of the attack)

Hi annon,

I am so sorry you had to go through all that I hope you are feeling better, it must of been a scary time for you. I wish you a speedy recovery and hope that you are doing well my inbox is always open if you ever need to talk.

I've come up with something that I hope you love.

Please Help Me…..

Jake's POV

Today I was going to see MC for our 5th date. She invited me to her apartment for dinner. I love her cooking. The amazing smells that come from the kitchen when I enter her apartment are out of this world. We have slowly been seeing more of each other. I love spending all my free time with her. As I get closer to her apartment I can smell the different flavors coming from the kitchen. A small smile breaks out on my face and a warm feeling spreads throughout my body. I softly knock on the door and wait for MC to open the door. After a few moments of waiting I start to get concerned so I take the key she gave me out of my pocket for emergencies and open the door.

I start to shout MCs name but she doesn't answer me back, I walk towards the kitchen and see her laying on the floor. I rush over to her and check her pulse. It's so weak I can barely feel it. I quickly take my phone out and dial 999. I stay on the phone with the operator and they tell me what to do while I wait for the ambulance to arrive. I started CPR. It felt like a lifetime waiting for an ambulance to arrive but I kept on doing CPR. Finally MC starts to breathe and coughs badly. "It's okay MC I'm here the ambulance will be here soon" MC looks at me full of concern and worry. "Jake I-i can't move please help me" a tear fell from MCs eye as she lay on the floor.

Moments later the ambulance arrived. I stood back while they worked on MC, they placed her onto a stretcher and took her to the waiting ambulance outside. Once in the ambulance I sat next to her and held her hand the whole way there. Her breathing was shallow but she was hanging in she was always a fighter. We arrived at the hospital and a team of nurses and doctors were waiting. They took MC into the hospital and started to work on her. They put an IV into her and gave her fluids and other medications I wasn't allowed to go in but I could see everything.

My heart felt like it had been ripped apart seeing her like this broke my heart, i wanted to rush over to her and hold her hand kiss her on her soft lips. I was forced to stand and watch while the doctors and nurses worked on her. After half an hour of waiting one of the doctors came over to me and said I could go in and see her. "She's woken up and is doing well" the doctor could see the worry and concern in my eyes. "What happened to her? Will she be okay?" "I've sent her blood work off and we will know in the next hour" the doctor gave me a reassuring smile and I walked over to MCs bedside.

"MC, I'm here baby everything is going to be okay I promise I won't leave your side" I take hold of MCs hand and hold it in mine. "Jake? I'm so scared, please help me" tears began to flow once again from MCs eyes. "Everything is going to be okay baby I won't let anything happen to you" I give MCs hand a squeeze as I sit down next to her not leaving her side for a single second. An hour had passed and the doctor came back with the blood work results "Hi MC how are you doing? I've got the blood work back and it's showed you have had an allergic reaction to one of your meds what we will do is take you off then right away and give you something to help counteract the other meds" I looked up at the doctor and I knew which meds he was talking about. "Will she be okay? When can I take her home?" "She will make a full recovery, I want to keep her here for a few more hours and then of everything is good she can go home" the doctor left as I looked at MC for the first time today I could see hope in her eyes.

"Everything is going to be okay MC, I can take you home in a few hours okay" MC looked up at me and gave me the most beautiful smile it warmed my heart" "Jake, thank you for everything you did I love you so much" MC took my hand and placed a soft kiss on it I couldn't help but smile. "I love you to MC and I would do it all over again if I had to. I won't let anything or anyone ever hurt you" "Jake, lay next to me" I couldn't resist that smile so I carefully and slowly climbed onto the bed and put my arm around MC.

A few hours had passed and everything was looking really good. MC was starting to get back to her old self again. "Right MC I've checked your charts and everything is looking excellent I think we can discharge you now" my face lit up at hearing the doctor's words I was so happy I could take MC home again.

I helped MC get dressed and made our way towards the waiting taxi, I helped her get in. I ran round the other side of the taxi and got in next to her. 20 minutes later we had arrived back at her apartment and we slowly made our way back into the building. I was so thankful for the lift I don't think MC could handle going up stairs. We entered her apartment. I helped MC into her bedroom and sat her down on the bed. "Jake, can you stay with me I don't want to be alone not ever" a tear fell from her eye it broke my heart to see her like this. "Of course MC, I told you I won't leave your side. I will stay with you for as long as you need" MC put her hand in mine and looked me in the eyes. "Jake, I was going to ask you this over dinner but then everything happened so I will ask you now, will you move in with me?" I couldn't help the smile on my face. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. "I'd love nothing more than to move in with you MC, I love you" "I love you to Jake"

A few weeks had passed and I had moved in with MC, she was now back to herself and was doing amazing. We had been living together for a few weeks and I loved every second of it. She is my everything. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to her. MC must have seen the concerned look on my face and came over to me and sat down next to me. "Hey, I'm okay I promise having you by my side means so much to me Jake I couldn't have gotten through to him without you" look up at MC with tears in my eyes I love this woman so much. She wrapped her arms around me and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I'm not going anywhere Jake" "weather am I MC" we both shared a kiss and cuddled up on the bed together holding each other in our arms.

[thesecrimsonstrings-if]

I’m actually so intrigued about the relationship between redacted and MC. There is obviously a history between them and I don’t know if it was always antagonistic, because so far I get the feeling that they had a positive relationship once. Is redacted a past lover or friend? Did they betray the MC or was it the other way around? The more I question, the more I get confused

his shoulder shakes and you can only purse your lips together as you look over at him in pity. you know he hates it when you give him that look. gods knew how much you hate it when people look at you like that too.

“i'm sorry about your friend,” you say softly, not planning to make him more upset than he already is.

[redacted]'s claws slash your neck and you bite down a grunt. “shut your bloody mouth!”

his statement echoes of finality, like he does not want any comfort. but most importantly, it's like he does not know how to ask for comfort.

you look up at him, eyes trying to convey that you understand what he is going through. that he does not need to hide his pain by causing pain to others.

you wince slightly as [redacted]'s clawed hands grip your lower face. the claw marks on your face and neck bleed profusely, your body trying its best to heal the deep wounds made by the other vampire. but you knew it would take a while for them to close up, vampiric claws were dangerous even to their own species.

“you think you know everything,” [redacted] spits out bitterly. “you think you can even understand half of what i am going through.”

“i can,” you whisper gently, the tone making the other vampire's brows furrow in frustration and anger. smiling through the way the wounds burn on your face and neck, the moonlight softly hits your face and the visible blood makes [redacted] cringe a little.

“i have loved and lost too,” you continue saying, crimson eyes meeting the other pair.

[redacted] shuts his eyes tightly, letting go of your face. he knew that, of course. if anyone knew what lost felt like, it would be you. if anyone knew how to keep loving despite it all, it was you. if anyone knew how one's pain is not an excuse for causing someone else pain, it was you.

phaidros's favourite. the jewel of his eyes. someone who never lost their humanity.

it was you.

“happiness and sorrow,” you say, looking up to smile at the night sky glittering with stars. “one cannot exist without the other.”

[redacted] stares at you, wondering how anyone could be so rock solid yet still feel the weight of the world; understand despite someone's raging emotions. care despite the hate seeping from their mouth.

“it's a tale as old as time,” you sigh out, looking over at the green-eyed vampire with a smile. “a tale we shall live through together. won't we, fraterculus?”

[absentia-if]

Kind of want to say something in regards to K. Grief doesn’t have a timeline. It sounds like K is really in the middle/closer to the end of dealing with their loss. Somewhere between still holding on and being ready to let go. That’s a complicated place to be in when your object of affection returns. Five years is actually a pretty long time to mourn, especially considering their ages. Not everyone mourns a loss of a loved one for a lifetime (yeah I know people who have). There is no easy switch to go back to the way things were. That is an abrupt change. The MC might not be ready to see it that way, because of their own trauma, but as readers we can see the bigger picture. K gets cut some slack. One person’s trauma doesn’t erase what someone else is going through. They definitely need therapy to sort through it all. For MC. For K. For their relationship if they want to make it work.

I say this, knowing darn well my ass is already ready to chase after M. 🙃

I agree. Everything needs to be worked on in the end. K needs to work on themselves, the MC needs to work on themselves, and then you can try to work on your relationship together. But there needs to be a grace period where everything just settles down and people grow accustomed to their new reality (when their old one shattered overnight). Everything will run its course though and you’ll be able to see how things have shifted for everyone.

I know M is going to absolutely adore having your MC reciprocate their feelings. Even if they don’t show it at first.

[walkerismychoice]

Queen of My Heart - Chapter 38 (The End!)

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake X MC, Liam X Olivia, Hana X OC Lydia

Rating: PG-13

Summary: The show comes to and end, and Riley contemplates her future

Author’s Note: I can’t believe I’ve finally brought this series to an end. There was quite a long time I thought I may never finish. I want to thank all the readers and friends who’ve read and encouraged me along the way. I want to especially thank @debramcg1106 as of late for helping me work through the ending and pushing me to finish it out. This is the technical end of the story, but I do have an epilogue planned as well.

Tag List: @khakie4 @dreadpirateemma @ritachacha @blackcoffee85 @choices-fanatic @boneandfur @butindeed @simplyaiden-blog @bobasheebaby @traeumerinsworld @theroyalweisme @umccall71 @lizeboredom @debramcg1106 @enmchoices @withice @viktoriapetit @mfackenthal @drakesfiance @drakelover78 @speedyoperarascalparty @silviasutton1989 @krisnicjack @devineinterventions2 @choiceswreckedme @notoriouscs @blackcatkita @hamalu @akrenich @drakewalkerfantasy @jamielea81 @andy-loves-corgis @jlouise88 @jovialyouthmusic @sleepwalkingelite @i-miss-trr @dragonball-luver @gkittylove99 @lovingchoices14

Word Count: 2230

Queen of My Heart Chapter Index

Due to everything that transpired, filming of the finale was delayed two weeks. Riley was grateful for the time and hardly left Drake’s side during his recovery. He was sent back to the palace after a couple days, and Riley had to convince him that whiskey was not a suitable replacement for the antibiotics and pain medication the doctor prescribed. Reluctantly he obliged. He worked with physical therapy, and by the end of those two weeks, you’d have hardly known he’d been injured at all.

Olivia was salty her ball had been ruined, but the production staff made up for it, giving her and Liam an overnight filmed at Olivia’s northern Lythikos retreat. She was still worried the country would favor Riley with Liam, but Kat assured Olivia between her heroic actions, personal growth, and some favorable editing, it would be hard for most people not to be on her side.

As for Madeleine, it was still unclear if she would be charged criminally or would be incompetent to stand trial due to her mental health, but either way, she wouldn’t be a danger to anyone for quite some time. It was questionable if Jo’s involvement in the whole thing broke any laws. She wasn’t Cordonian, so she couldn’t be charged with treason for skirting security and endangering the life of the crown prince, but authorities were looking to see if there was anything they could make stick. At the very least she was blacklisted and would never work in television again.

So finally, on a calm, clear, day, there was only one obstacle left. Riley met with Liam, adorned in a stunning, body-hugging, Swarovski crystal filled dress, to put on the performance of a lifetime and act as if he’d shattered her heart. Of course, it wasn’t that easy. There were a couple of takes where neither of them could keep a straight face followed few that were unbelievably dramatic, but ultimately Riley was able to tap into her vulnerability and the tragedy she had faced to bring genuine emotion and tears to light. It didn’t matter that it was unrelated to what was happening in the scene, it was real. Kat said it was perfect, and Liam was free to propose to Olivia.

-----

Now that all is said and done, who will Liam choose to be his future Queen? Will it be the fierce Duchess Olivia, or the plucky newcomer Riley? Stay tuned for the finale of Queen of My Heart.”

Maxwell draped his arm around Riley’s shoulder. “What do you think, sis? How did I do on my television debut.”

Maxwell, Bertrand, Savannah, Hannah, Lydia, Liam, Olivia, Riley, and Drake were all huddled in the palace screening room to watch the finale as it aired.

Just about anyone would have been an improvement over Chad,” Riley teased, ”but the squid suit was definitely a nice touch. Your delivery was great, but did you have to call me plucky?”

“You know I had to play it cool,” Maxwell explained. “Plucky is good, but not over the top. Don’t want anyone thinking I’m playing favorites because you’re my sister.”

Riley rolled her eyes. “The suggested ‘noble newcomer’ would have been sufficient.”

“It was a stylistic choice.” Maxwell made a gesture with his hand indicating a mock hair flip.

"Ugh, enough about Maxwell," Olivia groaned. "I'm ready to get to the good part. Can we just fast-forward through any mushy Liam and Riley stuff? Nobody needs to see that."

"I second that." Drake raised his hand in rare agreement with Olivia.

Liam just shook his head. "I know nobody watches live network television anymore, so you must have forgotten how this works. There's no fast-forwarding. Not even through commercials."

"That's fine with me." Lydia chimed in. "More time for making out."

"Lydia!" Hannah's cheeks turned a deep shade of pink.

Lydia pecked her on the lips. "Sorry babe. You're just too damn cute when you blush."

Hannah remained quiet but her smile gave her away. Lydia, with her outgoing, bold, and slightly unpredictable personality, was the perfect complement to Hannah being so shy, proper, and focused. They brought out the best in each other, and the difference in Hannah between when Riley met her until now was night and day.

The friends watched the show and Riley only cringed at herself in a few places, which was much less than she thought she would. Things did get a bit awkward during the montage of kissing scenes between Riley and Liam, and Maxwell and Bertrand made a show of covering their eyes for the steamier parts. They all laughed inappropriately when Liam dumped Riley since they knew it wasn't real. And then finally when Liam proposed to Olivia, everyone cheered.

Riley thought of her friends and family at home. She pictured aunt Susan, Sarah, and Daniel all rooting for her and how disappointed they must have been that she "lost." She couldn't wait to tell them, however, she hadn't lost at all.

"Wow, Livvy." Drake quipped, bringing Riley out of her deep thoughts. "How much did you have to pay them to give you such a flattering edit?"

Olivia threw a pillow at his head which he deftly dodged. "Fuck off, Walker. You were so desperate to get on the show, you leapt in front of a bullet."

"Now, now children." Liam said in a mock scolding tone. "Let's all play nice."

"Yes, father," Drake and Olivia replied in unison, causing laughter to erupt around the room.

Riley still didn't have all the answers about what her future would hold, but she had found her people. Where she was in that moment was where she needed to be.

Savannah yawned. "It's getting late. We should probably go and relieve the sitter." Riley hasn't wanted to pry into Savannah and Bertrand's relationship, but they were working together to parent Bartie and things seemed to be falling into place for them.

"Yes, yes." Bertrand agreed. "Time is money!"

"Oh my god, Bertrand." Savannah rolled her eyes. "Life isn't all about money."

"She’s right." Maxwell propped his arm on Savannah's shoulder. "Besides, now that the show is over, we'll be getting some money, and Kat said if viewers responded well to me, they would probably offer to extend my contract in the franchise. By the looks of these tweets, I'm going to be rolling in dough. 'That Maxwell guy is so hot...ridiculously funny...just what the show needed.' Should I read more?

"Please no." Bertrand groaned. "We can talk finances later. Goodnight, all."

As the rest of the crowd dwindled, Liam asked Drake and Riley to stay behind. He kissed Olivia and promised to join her when the conversation was through.

"So what's up?" Drake got right to the point once only the three of them remained.

Liam cleared his throat. "Well as you know, I highly value your loyalty to the crown."

"Heh." Drake let out a terse laugh. "I don't really give a fuck about the crown, but I do care about you."

"In any case, you take your job very seriously and I could see you as head of the guard one day, once Bastien retires." Liam paused before continuing. "However, I do have another proposition for you."

Drake raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Go on."

"How would you like to be the head of Valtoria?" Liam asked expectantly.

Drake' eyes narrowed in contemplation. "I thought Valtoria was unoccupied. Is there a new Duke or Duchess there now that needs a security detail?"

"No, no." Liam laughed. "Well, there could be. That's what I'm trying to ask you. I would like to give Valtoria to you."

"No fucking way. You have to be kidding me. Did you sign up for some royal version of a prank show now?" Drake scanned the room as if searching for hidden cameras.

"I'm serious, Drake. I think you would make a fantastic duke."

Drake scoffed. "I'm a commoner who despises most nobles and everything the monarchy stands for."

"That's exactly why you'd be perfect for the role." Liam explained. "Cordonia needs a fresh perspective - someone who can resonate with the people the monarchy serves. Just think, you could have a real voice in creating change. I don't want to rule like my father has and his father before. I want the people to have the representation they deserve, and you are a key to that."

Drake sighed deeply. "I don't know Li. Even if I could do this - if I wanted to - what makes me worthy? What's everyone going to say when they find out you gave an average dude the title of Duke just because he's your best friend?"

"I'll tell them that Drake Walker is anything but average. He's smart, capable, and fiercely loyal. He's saved my life more times than I count and has more integrity than anyone I know. Public policy can be learned, but these qualities cannot be taught. He may not be noble by blood, but he is my family, and he belongs."

'Wow, Liam." Drake ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know what to say."

"You're quiet over there." Liam directed at Riley. "What do you think?"

"Me?!" Riley had been as shocked by this as Drake, and she didn't know what to think. This was about Drake, not her. Did her opinion really matter? "I, uh.... think this is really Drake's decision."

Drake took Riley's hands in his. "But it's yours too. I mean, if we are going to be together..."

"Oh, well..." How was Riley supposed to help Drake decide such a life altering thing when she didn't even have her own life sorted out?

Drake didn't leave her fumbling for too long. "Liam, I really don't know if either of use is equipped to answer this question right now. It's a very generous offer, and the fact that I'm not totally shutting you down for suggesting such a ridiculous thing as me being a Duke should tell you I'm genuinely willing to entertain the idea."

Liam chuckled. "I completely understand. This life is new to both of you in different ways, and to navigate a new relationship on top of all that is a lot to ask. I'm in no hurry to fill the vacancy. Consider it an open-ended invitation. I trust that you'll be ready to make your decision long before the public pressures me into making a new appointment."

"Thanks, Liam." Drake gave him hug and patted him on the back. "Now get back to your fiancé before she blames me for keeping you too long."

-----

Back in her palace guestroom, Riley nestled into Drake, her head resting on his chest. "It's been quite a night, huh?

"You could say that again." Drake pulled her tighter against him.

"I kind of feel like we're moving so fast, we're skipping steps - like we're being asked to decide the rest of our lives before we even know what we want to do tomorrow." Riley knew nobody was outright asking for an immediate decision, but she felt the weight of everyone's expectations. Whether she stayed in Cordonia or went back home, she'd probably be disappointing someone.

"Who says we have to?" Drake asked. "You heard Liam. He doesn't need an answer right away. I Know you haven't decided what you want, and I sure as hell don't know what I'm going to do yet. Why don't we take some time together to just...be. Do normal couple things and see where the relationship takes us."

"Normal couple things... I mean I don't know how I can go back to my normal peasant life after attending weekly balls dressed in couture gowns," Riley teased, "but I think I could make that sacrifice for you, my commoner boyfriend."

"Hey, watch who you are calling commoner." Drake pinned Riley down and tickled her sides until she begged him to stop, and he collapsed beside her again. "I just may outrank you soon if I so choose."

Riley laced her fingers through Drake's. "It's crazy to think how our lives have changed in a few short months. I don't think I could have made it through all of this without you, and not just because you kept literally saving my life."

"You may not have taken a bullet for me, but you've saved me too. For once in my life, I see multiple paths with meaning and purpose. I've seen so much of myself reflected in you, but it id the version of me I want to be, not the one I was. You've shown me trials and hardships don't have to make you bitter, and that you don't have to fit the cookie cutter mold to find your place here... Oh, God, listen to me. What have you done to me Bennett?" Drake shuddered in mock disgust.

Riley softly pressed her lips to his and pulled back with a smirk. "I don't think I can take all the credit, or the blame as you might put it. But enough talk about the future. You said we should focus on the now, and right now all I need is you."

"Well then, your wish is my command." Drake pulled Riley tight to him and then they lost themselves in each other, completely unencumbered by any decisions about their future. Those could wait for another day.

[drabbles-mc]

We’re Gonna See It Through

Bishop Losa x Reader

Based on the Title Prompt ask that @dorkofclanlavellan​​ sent me a little while back. I typed the summary that I would do and then I couldn’t stop thinking about it so...here it is lmao

Warnings: Language, angst, Bishop getting in his feelings

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: I’m sorry to hurt our mans like this but sometimes that’s just how it is.

Bish Taglist: @masterlistforimagines​ @sincerelyasomebody​​ @sadeyesgf​​ @thesandbeneathmytoes​​ @tomhardydallasstarsgirl​​ @multiyfandomgirl40​​ @sillygoose6969​ (I know I have my taglists separated by character so if you’re on one and not another or if you just want me to put you on all of them let me know! Sorry if I’ve made it more confusing than necessary lol)

You were fast asleep by the time Bishop came home. You had given up on trying to stay up to wait for him. He was coming home later and later, and with everything falling apart at work, you were having to leave earlier than usual. It felt like for the past three weeks or so the two of you had hardly even seen or spoken to each other. Truthfully, you could use each other more than ever now but the two of you just couldn’t seem to time it right.

He walked into the house, quietly shutting the door behind him. He spotted a note on the counter, managing a small, exhausted smile as he read it, “Saved you some dinner in the fridge. Pop it in the microwave for 2 minutes. And, if your day was really bad, skip dinner and go right to dessert. Picked up a pint of your favorite Ben & Jerry’s and put it in the freezer. I love you. xo”

Despite all the shit that was going on with both of you, you were still trying to make things work as best you could. Bishop knew that, and he wished that he knew how to let you know that he could see that you were putting in effort and that he appreciated it. But he was in the same boat as you and felt like he hardly ever got to spend any time with you lately. Things had been crumbling with Galindo and the club and it was taking up more of his time than he would like. You had always been understanding of his commitment to the club, but even he knew that everyone’s understanding had its limitations.

He ate dinner, being mindful to stop the microwave before it beeped so that the noise wouldn’t wake you up. He also took a few spoonfuls of ice cream before going to shower off the shitshow that had been his day. When the two of you had first moved in, you had been bummed out that the bedroom didn’t have a bathroom attached. And, while Bishop knew that it would have been convenient, on nights like this he was glad that the bathroom was down the hall so he had less of a chance of disturbing you. He knew that you needed all the rest that you could get.

He quietly crept into the room after his shower, hanging up his towel and pulling on a clean t-shirt and pair of boxers before slowly crawling into bed beside you. He gently wrapped his arms around you and you subconsciously scooted back so that you were pressed against him, still fast asleep. He took a deep breath, soaking in your scent and the warmth emanating from your body that had been trapped under the blankets all night. Almost instantly his eyes drifted shut and he fell asleep.

You woke up early in the morning, your alarm not even beginning to awaken Bishop. You took a deep breath as you shut it off, enjoying the feeling of his arms around you for a moment before carefully removing yourself from them so that you could get ready for work.

You lingered in your bedroom doorway for a moment, watching Bishop sleep peacefully in the middle of the huge bed that the two of you shared. Your heart ached, wishing for everything to go back to normal. You rested your head against the doorframe, taking a deep breath to fight back the tears you could feel stinging at your eyes before finally making yourself leave for work.

Most of the morning had flown right by, but you were currently an hour deep into a conference call that was making you want to gnaw your own arm off. Your phone buzzed lightly on the surface of your desk and you checked to see who was texting you, happy to have a distraction for a minute. You opened it to see a text from Bishop.

“Sorry I missed you this morning, sweetheart. I love you”

You smiled despite the knot in your chest, “I love you too. Will I see you tonight?”

It seemed like the three bubbles were on the screen for an eternity before you finally got a response, “I hope so. I’ll let you know if I’m going to be late again”

You pressed your lips together, making the choice to not respond. There was nothing really for you to say at that point. You knew that you should bring your attention back to the call that you were on, but your head was completely clocked out of the office by this point. You found yourself scrolling back through your most recent texts with Bishop. About ninety percent of them were one of you apologizing to the other for running late, or missing plans, or not being able to wait up for the other because you were too tired. It felt like your throat was closing up as you bit back a sob. If this was going to be your future you weren’t sure that you wanted it. You loved Bishop but you couldn’t handle a lifetime of feeling alone.

You knew that you weren’t going to be able to handle staying in the office. You unmuted yourself on the call, “Hey guys, sorry to cut out so suddenly. Some family stuff just came up and I have to go. I should be back tomorrow. Just shoot me an email with whatever I miss,” you didn’t wait for a response before hanging up and grabbing your purse. You all but ran out of the office building to your car.

Once you were sitting in the driver’s seat, the tears began to flow. You sobbed into your hands as you tried to think about what you were even going to do now that you left the office. You waited until the tears slowed and your breathing went back to normal, and then decided that your first stop was going to be home. You needed to be in clothes that were more comfortable that what you had on.

When you pulled into the driveway, you were hoping that you’d see Bishop’s bike, but no such luck. He had already taken off for the day and it made your chest feel heavy. With a deep sigh you got out and walked into the house, looking around as you made your way to the bedroom. It all felt so much duller and emptier now and you hated that you felt that way about the place that was supposed to be your home. You knew that Bishop was gone because he was out on club business, and you didn’t want to be the partner that showed up at the clubhouse and dragged all your personal shit into the MC, but it was tempting. You just wanted to have a real conversation with him for the first time in weeks.

You decided that you would wait to see if he texted you with an update. If he said that it was going to be another late night, you’d go to the clubhouse. You had earned that. In the meantime, to try and keep your mind occupied, you decided that staying in the house wasn’t doing you any good at all. While you had spent a considerable amount of time alone lately, none of it was really “you time”. So you decided to try and make the afternoon all about you.

You grabbed yourself your favorite excessive coffee order from the café down the street, and took yourself shopping. Even if you didn’t end up buying anything, spending the afternoon trying on fun outfits was a welcome distraction. It felt nice to simply do something for yourself after feeling like all of your energy lately was being spent on everyone else and no one else was bothering to return the favor.

You were changing into what felt like your hundredth outfit of the day, and for the first time in a while you felt happy. It felt nice to be taking some time for yourself despite the circumstances that landed you there in the first place. You slipped into a cocktail dress that had caught your eye while you were wandering through the store. It wasn’t a dress that you would necessarily have a lot of occasions to wear it, but something about it told you to try it on anyway.

It felt nice, and looked even better. After zipping up the back, you took a moment to look at yourself in the mirror and you felt a smile creep across your face. It wasn’t anything overly fancy, but that was part of what drew you to it in the first place. The dress was a deep burgundy color and it was short, but you knew that Bishop always loved seeing you in short-shorts and mini-skirts anyway. It clung nicely to your body but it wasn’t suffocating you. it had long sheer sleeves that made you feel a little elegant, too. You smiled as you grabbed your phone out of your purse and took a selfie to send to Bishop.

“For our next date night?” was all you said along with the photo.

The response came before you could even set your phone back into your purse, “Absolutely. Please tell me you’re buying that”

You smiled, shaking your head slightly as you responded, “Guess you’ll have to take me on a date and find out for yourself”

You bought the dress, along with a few other cute items that had caught your eye. You didn’t want to go overboard, knowing that retail therapy had hurt your bank account on more than one occasion. You found a place to eat lunch and gave yourself time to sit, relax, and people-watch. The afternoon ticked by and you still hadn’t heard anything from Bishop. You were hoping that no news was good news and maybe he’d make it home at a decent hour for once. You could only hope. You could only distract yourself and stay away from home for so long before you had to head back.

You were parked in the driveway, staring at the home you supposedly shared with Bishop, not that either of you were there all that much these days, let alone there together. All the lights were off and you didn’t want to get out of the car. You took a deep breath and reached to unbuckle your seatbelt when your phone started to ring.

It was Bishop’s name flashing across the screen, and you almost didn’t want to pick up. You sighed, hitting the green button, “Hey, baby,” your voice was soft, hopeful, “everything okay?”

There was a pause, “Um, yea. Everything’s okay. I just, it’s going to be another late one. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

You took a deep breath, “Okay. Thanks for the heads-up.”

He could hear the detachment in your voice, “I’ll make this up to you, sweetheart, I promise. I know things have been off lately.”

“It’s alright. Take care of the club. Get home safe.”

“I love you,” his tone conveyed that he was saying it because he meant it, but also to see if you were going to say it back.

You were trying not to let your voice crack, “I love you too,” you hung up before he would be able to hear you crying.

You cried it out in the car for a few minutes. Part of you knew that it was going to happen, but another part was still hopeful that maybe things were going to be okay, that if you tried to put it out into the universe, it would happen. But there was no amount of positive thinking that could change the reality of the circumstances you were in.

After taking a few deep breaths, you turned the car back on and pulled out of the driveway to head to the clubhouse. You weren’t going to cause a scene, but you were going to have a face-to-face conversation with Bishop. This all had to stop—you couldn’t feel lonely indefinitely. You loved him but you knew that you both deserved better than that.

You walked into the clubhouse and it was all silent. There was no one around save for EZ standing behind the bar. His eyes grew wide when he saw you—he could see that your eyes were puffy from crying. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to you or offer you. You sniffled slightly, trying to gain enough composure to talk to him without breaking down.

“Bishop around?”

He nodded towards the back room, “They’re all in Templo. It might be a while. Do you…do you want me to get him?”

You could see the anxiety on his face at the thought of interrupting Templo. You gave him a small smile and shook your head, “Not necessary, EZ. Thank you, though. When they come out, can you just let him know that I’m outside waiting for him?”

He nodded, “Of course. Do you want a beer or anything?”

You thought about it for a moment before nodding and walking over, gratefully accepting the bottle that he handed you, “Thank you.”

You strolled out of the clubhouse and onto the small deck. You took a seat on top of the picnic table, your feet resting on the bench. The sun was just starting to go down and the sky above the compound was lit up in a million different colors. You quickly wiped the tears off of your face before taking another swig from your bottle.

You dug around in your purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. You really weren’t much of a smoker, just when you were stressed. Suffice to say that for the past weeks you had been smoking a lot more than normal. You lit it and inhaled, holding it for a moment before exhaling the smoke and watching it swirl and dissipate around you.

Time seemed irrelevant as you sat on the table. You didn’t look at your phone, didn’t really try to keep yourself busy with anything besides nursing your beer and smoking your cigarette. When both of those were done you didn’t get another, just letting yourself stew with your thoughts as you waited for Bishop to finally have a moment for you.

The sun had long since set by the time you heard footsteps on the deck behind you. He didn’t say anything at first as he sat down next to you, his leg pressing lightly against yours. He rested his hand on your thigh and you almost broke down.

“Everything alright?” he asked the question despite knowing the answer.

A humorless laugh came out of you as you wiped tears off of your cheeks, “That seems like a pointless question at this point, doesn’t it?” you dropped your face into your hands, taking a shaky breath before forcing out the question, “What are we even doing anymore, Obispo? I just, I feel like we aren’t even really together anymore.”

“I know it’s been difficult lately but—”

“You realize this is the first face-to-face conversation I’ve had with you in over a week?” you shook your head, “And I had to come down here and sit out on this fucking deck for god knows how long just to get some time with you. I can’t…I think about the rest of my life and I just, I can’t,” a sob broke your sentence, “Forever is a long time to feel like this, Obispo.”

“It won’t be like this forever, though, Y/N.”

“How can you be so sure? I, I know that I’ve been keeping my opinions to myself because the club is your thing and it’s really not any of my business, but fuck, I feel like I’ve lost you. You know, I looked back through our texts today. And with the exception of a very small handful, all of them were apologies. They were all apologies and cancelled plans and just,” you tried to take a breath to calm your voice, “I can’t keep doing this. I know the club is a priority and I respect that. I respect it enough to not try and make you choose. This,” you gestured to the clubhouse, “is where you need to be. And that’s…fine. But I can’t stay in that fucking house alone all the time.”

“You think that I don’t want to be there with you?” he was never one to get loud with you, but his tone was frigid, “You think that I’ve liked having to be away from you so much these past few weeks? I’m not enjoying the bullshit that I’ve been having to deal with.”

“I’m not saying that you do. But there’s always going to be bullshit, isn’t there? We’re both always going to have bullshit going on. But it looks different for you than it does for me. Most of the time I can drop most of mine at the door, but you don’t even get to make it to the door. We can’t even try to be there for each other when all of this is happening and that’s just not fair to either of us. We shouldn’t feel so alone when things are falling apart.”

“I’m sorry that you’ve felt alone.”

“You haven’t?”

The question made him pause. His concern was always trying to be there for you, and he knew that he hadn’t been. But he could feel that you were always trying to be there for him despite his absence. He sighed shaking his head, “No, I haven’t. And it’s on me that you’ve been feeling that way. I’m sorry that I haven’t been there for you the way that you have been for me,” he gave your leg a light squeeze, “But you can’t leave, please.”

“What do you want from me, Obispo?”

“A little more time,” there were tears in his eyes and it hit you that you had never seen him cry until this moment, “Please, Y/N, just give me a little more time. I know that this has all been hard on you, and that I’ve been far away from you in every sense. But I can do better—I will do better. I just, I need you to give me the chance to prove it,” he nodded slightly as he wiped tears away before they fell down his cheeks, “We can get through this.”

“How?” it felt like it took all of your strength to say one word.

“Together, the way we always do. You’re right, forever is a long time. It’s a very long time to be without you and I can’t see my life being that way. We can figure this out. We promised that we’d be there for each other no matter what and that’s exactly what we’re going to do. I’m a man of my word, or at least, I try to be. We’re gonna see it through, Y/N. We’re going to figure this out.”

Despite how hard it was for you to say everything that you had said to him, you had to admit that your heart felt a little lighter solely from being able to actually see him and talk to him. You were still hurting, but you wanted to believe that he meant what he had said and that the two of you were going to work on things going forward.

“I want to believe you,” you looked down and interlocked your fingers with his.

“Please. If we end up having to have this conversation again, I won’t ask you to stay. But please, give me a chance. We can get through this.”

You took your hand from his and held out your pinky, “Promise?”

He smiled, nodding as he locked his pinky with yours, “Promise.”

He pulled you into a tight hug as you cried into his chest. The weight of the last three weeks poured out of you as he held you. he pressed gentle kisses into the top of your head and rubbed your back, knowing that this is what you’d been needing all along that he hadn’t been there for. He told you over and over again that he loved you, and that it was going to be okay. And, despite the weight in your chest, you believed him.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered as you wrapped your arms around him, “I promise.”

[homeformyheart]

hey~

hope you are having an amazing week!

how would you feel about doing a noah harris x mc request from the best vs worst prompts?

maybe 21. best day at school vs worst day at school OR 27. best game vs worst game?

hi anon! thank you for the request, #27 was fitting and allowed me to close-out the chapter of my noah x mc arc (a little bit got cut out from my outline, but at least now it's finished).

author’s note: when I got this prompt, I decided to take the outline I had written for a continuation of my other MTFL fics and retro-fit it here, which is why it’s a bit longer than typical prompt fills. this finally gave me the motivation to continue the relationship I started in “first choice” and “the perfect gift.” I also drew some real-life inspiration from patrick mahomes of the kansas city chiefs (national football league in the u.s.). enjoy!

copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. series/pairing: my two first loves - noah harris x mc (emma price) rating/warnings: 13+; none based on/prompt: best vs. worst / 27. best game vs. worst game; also inspired by the song “never really over” by katy perry word count: 1.7k summary: two years after graduating college and agreeing to go their separate ways, the universe seems to want emma and noah back together.

best game vs. worst game

worst game

emma tapped her finger on her thigh nervously as she waited in her boss’s office for her first assignment. she had spent the last two years since graduating college curating a travel blog for a small magazine, which had allowed her to travel all over europe, north america, and south america – an experience she knew was probably once-in-a-lifetime.

but she was homesick and decided to return stateside once her contract was up. it didn’t take long to find a position with a professional agency that contracts photographers out for high-profile athletic and celebrity events. even as a junior photographer, she was going to have the chance to take her own photos.

her boss finally handed her a sheet of paper without so much as a glance, motioning toward the door. emma supposed she was excused then, quickly scanning the sheet as she walked out to her car. a pre-nfl charity meet-and-greet was the assignment, and if she wanted, she could stick around to take some back-up photos of the game.

seemed easy enough. except the team was the nightingales. where her ex-boyfriend was currently the quarterback.

a little over two years ago

noah gripped emma’s hand, leg thumping nervously in anticipation. his other hand held hazel’s, who wasn’t faring much better at keeping still. on the other hand, mrs. harris had sat frozen still in front of the t.v. for the last thirty minutes, and emma had to keep glancing over to make sure she was still breathing.

to say they were all on edge was an understatement. in a matter of minutes, they’d find out of noah was going to become a professional football player.

“and the twenty-third pick goes to… noah harris!”

the room filled with squeals as they all jumped up from the couch and gathered noah into a giant group hug. his arm never left emma’s waist, even as he lifted hazel off the ground in excitement.

“you’re coming with me, right?”

she avoided his gaze, choosing to hug him and duck her head underneath his chin instead.

“tonight is about you! we can talk about us tomorrow. we should be celebrating!”

emma took a deep breath and pulled her car out onto the main road, making sure her phone was navigating to the stadium. she hadn’t seen or spoken to noah since they broke up – even though he tried to understand her reasoning, which was that he needed to focus on football and she was going to be traveling constantly – and she wondered if he was still upset.

if they ran into each other, would he even acknowledge her?

her mind raced with different scenarios of how their “reunion” could go and before she knew it, she was pulling into the stadium parking lot reserved for press. you’re here to do a job, she reminded herself as she took a deep breath and made her way into the meet-and-greet area where players were speaking to and hanging out with several families and children.

she took a quick look around and sighed in relief when she didn’t see noah anywhere. she could do this.

about an hour later, she was packing up her equipment. the game would start soon and she needed to get into position. she hefted her bag onto her shoulder carefully before standing up, immediately wobbling under the weight and losing her balance.

a strong arm wrapped around her waist and steadied her.

“thank you—” her voice died in her throat as she looked up at the man that still haunted her dreams.

his eyes and face were mostly the same, but there was a hardened edge to them that wasn’t there a few years ago. his body and shoulders were much larger as well, and he pretty much overwhelmed her frame.

“hey cheerleader.”

she swallowed. “hi, noah.”

his hand lingered even as she righted herself and cleared her throat nervously.

“good luck—”

“it’s good to—”

they chuckled, tension broken for the moment as they looked into each other’s eyes.

“harris, let’s go!”

noah shoved his hands in his pockets and took a step back. “maybe we could catch up after the game, if you want to.”

her eyes brightened. “i’d love to.”

they didn’t get the chance. the world seemed to move in slow motion when emma saw noah go down in the pocket from a particularly bad tackle. he had to be carried off the field in a stretcher and it was all she could do to keep from running onto the field.

they had broken up so he could focus on his career. she hoped it wasn’t in vain.

best game

two years later

emma crouched low to the ground with her long-range camera, snapping pictures of the huddle. there was less than twenty seconds left in the game – just enough, if barely, time for one last play. they needed a touchdown. and she could feel the nervous energy in her body thrumming in time with that of the crowd.

when noah went down with that horrific injury a couple years ago, most people wrote him off and didn’t think he’d play again. and if he somehow managed to recover? they all just said he probably wouldn’t be the same. a collarbone injury was usually a career death sentence for quarterbacks.

but the media, press, and so-called sportscasters didn’t know noah like she did. how strong a fighter he was. how he picked himself back up after every setback and pushed onward.

this time, she was with him every step of the way.

that didn’t mean he had an easy go of it.

he had to get surgery and go through months of intense physical therapy to get his shoulder feeling back to normal. then he had rehab for football to try to get back into form. and there was always doubt as to whether he’d be as good as before.

the season hadn’t gone smoothly. they scraped and clawed their way to the playoffs, with opposing teams taking advantage of noah’s occasional hesitance in the pocket and conservative throwing by pressuring his position. but somehow, they pulled through.

sportscasters all over would remark about how something seemed to just “click” back into place for noah harris.

only noah and emma knew what that something was.

a few weeks earlier

“are you nervous?”

noah hummed thoughtfully as his hand trailed up and down emma’s shoulder.

“surprisingly, no,” he said after a moment. “win or lose, i have everything i’ve ever wanted right here in my arms.”

emma chuckled. “when did you become such a romantic?”

“you know you bring it out of me.”

he turned on his side so he could nuzzle his nose in her hair. “you’re it for me, babe.”

“me too, noah. i mean it. if you’ll have me forever, i want that with you.”

noah pulled back to look at her. “for real?”

she nodded.

of course, emma couldn’t say with confidence that their conversation made that big of a difference, but noah’s performance every game afterward seemed to be nothing short of miraculous. by all means, his shoulder should still be giving him trouble, but the way he was throwing today in the championship game would make anyone wonder if he had been injured at all.

but this was it. everything was riding on this last play.

they were down by three points and too far for a field goal. a touchdown would end the game and clinch the championship. the team wasn’t known for playing it safe, not with noah and his arm at the helm.

emma was glued to her camera lens and clicking away, but she was barely focused on the shots. she just hoped the footage was positioned correctly and usable. she heard noah call out the play and quickly scanned the field as players moved into position.

a hail mary.

it really was going to come down to these last few seconds.

she saw the wide receiver break through the line and speed down the field, turning back to where noah had stepped back, arm poised to throw. on instinct, emma moved her camera up and snapped the shutter, capturing the exact moment noah released the ball, right before he was tackled to the ground.

and then everything seemed to move in slow motion.

she swung the camera to the left, finding the receiver in the end zone with his arms outstretched. he jumped up and the ball came arcing directly into his arms and the stadium roared with such an intensity she thought she was going deaf.

emma quickly put away her camera and left her bag with her assistant before running on to the confetti-strewn field, weaving around reports, players, and staff.

she knew noah got tackled. she needed to see that he was okay.

despite the reporters surrounding him, she squeezed her way through and wrapped her arms around him.

“i’m so glad you’re okay,” she yelled over the stadium noise. “i knew you could do it.”

noah smiled and removed her hands from his neck. she frowned in confusion as he took a step back and dropped to one knee.

“what are you doing?”

he was holding out a ring box in his hand and she had no clue how that got there. did a trainer or someone sneak that over to him?

it didn’t matter. it didn’t matter that they were surrounded by tens of thousands of screaming fans or that this moment was likely being broadcasted live by the sheer number of cameras around them. it didn’t matter that his friends and teammates were all hollering and creating a protective circle around them.

all she could see was the love of her life looking up at her like she was the most precious thing in the world.

“the championship ring we just won today is nothing compared to what this ring means right here,” he said, opening the box to reveal a very sizable diamond.

“marry me, em?”

emma squealed, not caring that it made her look like an excited teenager.

“of course, i’ll marry you!”

noah carefully placed the ring on her finger before wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her up. he swung her around before placing her carefully back on the ground, bringing her in for a deep kiss.

“i love you,” he whispered against her lips.

“i love you too, noah,” she whispered back as they held hands and headed off the field.

* * * * * taglist: @choicesficwriterscreations; @khoicesbyk; @nyastarlight; @chetachisblog; @robintora; @shows-simp-card; @brycesgirl;

[zigtheeortega]

to hell and back

✿ pairing: logan x mc

✿ word count: 4174

✿ warnings: mentions of violence from book one & angst

✿ tags: @diamondsless ; @agentsewell ; @violinet ; @messofakind ; @hudush ; @roguemal ; @troublemakerinspace ; @choicesarehard ; @litgpop ; @auroraemery 

✿ author’s note: i’m incredibly nervous to post this, as this is my first ever logan fic so please be gentle! i got the idea for this fic after watching portrait of a lady on fire, after being reminded of the myth of orpheus and eurydice, which if you haven’t ever heard of it, read up here! the idea of a forbidden love always breaks me but i’m a sucker for punishment, so i thought i’d apply that myth to future logan x mc (my mc’s name is raquel). i hit a follower milestone, too, so i thought i’d celebrate by pushing myself out of my comfort zone! woo![disclaimer: i’d never want to accidentally upset anyone by writing him ooc, so if you have any pointers, please dm me] 

•─────────✦✿✦────────•

He was the last person she’d expected to hear from. It’d been years. Her life was finally getting back on track, and she was moving on.

She white-knuckled the steering wheel, her hands slick with sweat, and peeled out of the parking lot of her dorm, leaving her world to enter his again.

Some days, her time with the Mercy Park Crew felt like a distant dream, a day dream she’d conjured while bored at school. Other times, she’d reminisce on his specific features to make sure she’d never forget what he sounded like, how he looked, how he felt.

Some days, she’d zero in on his eyes, the way the brown tones were multidimensional, layered, and how dark and full his lashes were, shading his dilated pupils when he’d stare at her lips before leaning in for a kiss.

Other days, she’d focus specifically on his hair; the strong coconut smell of his deep conditioning mask, which he unabashedly used, a secret she swore to keep, and the silky feeling of his thick waves beneath the pads of her fingers.

She’d spent years mulling over her time with the Mercy Park Crew, spilling tears every time she came across her prom photo with Logan, so often that she had to lock it up in a journal she’d filled long before. She was used to the feeling of a choked sob, the tension in her lungs and the soreness that came after a good cry: a comfort so familiar to her that it was one of the only things that reminded her she was alive – that she was human.

She’d spent so much time grappling with her morality, the guilt of her involvement weighing heavily on her for her entire freshman year. The depression that came with it was unrelenting, the loneliness of moving across state lines settling in almost immediately. The nightmares were worse.

They came as quickly as they went – in short blips, interwoven with her worst memories. It wasn’t unusual for her to wake up in cold sweats, vivid details of bullets ripping through flesh, the metallic smell of blood burned into her memory.

She often woke up trembling, panting, always quick to muffle her cries with her pillow as to not wake her roommate.

She spent the majority of her first year in isolation, a self-inflicted punishment for the people she’d harmed in such a short span of time. Thankfully, her roommate was rarely there.

She was homesick, but not for Los Angeles. 

No matter how much she wanted to go back, she wouldn’t allow herself to go. Not for holiday breaks or summer.

For the first year, her chest felt like a gaping wound, and she struggled with aimlessness, the thoughts of her purposelessness a constant mental burden. She toed the ledge, always close to jumping but never committed.

It took intense therapy to get her to a safe distance.

She slammed on the brakes, the red hue of the brake light in front of her the only thing warning her to stop. The burst of adrenaline she got from almost rear-ending another car was the most she’d felt in a long time.

She had chased the high relentlessly, either isolating herself completely during depressive episodes or throwing herself into high risk situations to feel something – anything.

Driving had become a utility to her, transportation and nothing more.

She associated the exhilarating sensation of pressing the gas pedal until her foot was nearly pointed, the smell of burning rubber, her tangled, windswept hair caught in her lip gloss – with Logan. It was wrong to try to recreate it without him.

When she’d left for Langston, she’d never looked back. Partially because she felt like she had nearly nothing anchoring her to L.A., but also because her last semester had a sense of finality to it. The crew vanished without a trace, and her inhibitions returned.

It took her five days of driving and stopping to make it to the campus. Her once intimidating, tightly packed car barely filled her half of the shared dorm room. And once she was on campus, she rarely drove anywhere, unless absolutely necessary.

She clung to the hope that she’d be able to find a crew of her own in undergrad, and that she’d hear his voice again. Envisioning Logan’s lips enunciating her nickname gave her a rush close to adrenaline, but not quite.

The soft pattering of rain on her windshield drew her out of her reminiscent thoughts. She blinked, glancing around the pitch black road, searching for a road marker. She flicked her high beams on, bouncing off of a distance marker. “Greenwood – 13 miles”.

He’d called at nearly midnight, his voice trembling, quiet, the bass of his voice keeping him from a true whisper. “Raquel, I need you.”

His tone was pure fear, the four words dripping with the subtext of a flubbed deal, a job gone wrong.

She kept the same phone number, clinging to the belief that maybe, just maybe, she’d hear her name roll off his tongue one more time. 

It took three years for her to hear his voice again. And he was terrified.

She’d spent three long years dealing with the aftermath of the spring of her senior year of high school. A couple months of living in a new world had left a lifetime of damage, and she’d come out of it changed. The damage had festered, so much so that she had to seek help.

She’d promised herself that if she ever saw him again, she’d stand her ground, and try to pull him out of the deep end. She was strong willed, and well intentioned, that much she was sure. She learned so much about herself during that last semester, and she was grateful for it.

And all of that was abandoned the second he spoke her name.

She turned off the highway, and after a long stretch of backroads framed with gravel driveways, the bar came into focus. The open sign flickered, overshadowed by the numerous draft beer logos shining brightly around it.

The parking lot was nearly empty, a couple of reverse-parked pickup trucks scattered across the gravel. The muffled music met her ears, barely audible over the electric bug zapper near the entrance.

She still couldn’t get used to the muggy, swampy weather of the east coast, much less the mosquitoes and the irritating itchiness of a fresh bite.

The chill of the air conditioning hit her before her nerves did. With nothing but a few bills, her driver’s license, phone, and determination, she’d set out to save him. She hadn’t even prepared.

What was she supposed to say to the one person who burrowed his way into her subconscious and never left? The one that she was forced to live without, even though she craved daily him like the sweet bitterness of nicotine, the fleeting high enough to keep her coming back, no matter if it’d eventually kill her.

In the back booth of the dingy bar, she saw him.

She noticed the stubble first, so foreign from the smooth tanned skin she remembered running her fingers across. The dark circles under his eyes aged him, the years of trauma finally catching up to him. It’s like his light was dimmed; she thought he was broken before, but whatever healing journey she’d had, he’d endured the opposite over the years.

His cheeks looked hollow, like he hadn’t eaten in days. From the look of his greasy hair and dirt stained white tee, he’d been on the run nonstop.

“Logan?” She called out, just loud enough for him to hear.

He met her eyes, and for a brief second, they were empty, devoid of emotion, just long enough for her to notice, before they filled with tears. He jumped up from the tattered booth seat: grabbing her in a crushing hug, burying his face in her neck.

He murmured her name into her neck over and over, like he couldn’t believe she was real. She wrapped her arms around him, his familiar warmth bringing her to tears. 

And they stayed like that, enveloped in each other, not a single thing around them mattering, except the feeling of being in each others’ arms after years apart.

When she pulled back to look at him, he stared at her lips, and ran his thumb across her chin. “Hey.”

“Hi,” she breathed, her arms snaking around to his front, and she grazed the tight muscles of his torso.

A drunken man shoved past them towards the restrooms, taking her out of the moment.

“Should we sit?”

He nodded, sliding onto his side of the table. “Do you… want a drink, or?” He asked, a bit nervously.

“No, I’m driving.” She fiddled with the braided keychain attached to her car keys, pulling at the frayed edges.

“That’s the responsible Raquel I missed,” he chuckled, breaking the tension a bit. He took a deep gulp from the beer bottle in front of him.

“I missed you so much,” she sighed, watching his face intently, committing every new detail to memory, tucking it away for later.

“I missed you, too.”

It was a hard conversation to initiate, much less navigate. She was still deciding if he was real – she’d dreamt of the moment she’d see him again, and it wasn’t anything close to what was happening.

She’d daydreamed of him pulling up to her dorm, parked out front like he did when they first met, as cliche as it sounded. Donned with the same white tee and jeans, he was leaning against the car (in her dream she pictured a convertible, so she could watch how beautifully the wind’s rough caress styled his hair, able to tousle it in a way a pair of hands never could), a smirk on his face, his arms folded, but his body language was never uninviting. He was relaxed, untroubled, as she kissed him, and they drove off into the sunset. A cliche, but at least they were both happy.

“So…” she started.

“I know you have a lot of questions, but I don’t know if I can answer all of them right now,” he finished, apologetic.

“Why not?”

“Let’s just say that… subter-fudge doesn’t always work to get you out of sticky situations.”

“You mean subterfuge?”

“Okay, truth be told I’ve never used that word in my life, but it was the word of the day on this dictionary app I have. And I was saving it for a good time, but I think I fucked it up,” he smiled, shaking his head.

She reached across the table, covering his hand with her own. “Let me get this straight. You not only learned a new word to use on me, but you have a dictionary app? You know you can just Google words, right?”

He shrugged. “I try to learn a new word as often as I can. It’s not much, but I feel smarter, even if I never use the word.”

“I thought it was cute.”

He chuckled, tracing his thumb across her knuckles. “You’re just trying to flatter me because I messed up.”

“No, I’m flattering you because you tried… and I missed you,” she said, squeezing his hand, the roughness of his skin comforting to her.

“God, I missed you more,” he whispered, eyes roaming over her face. “You really answered after all that time?”

“Yeah, of course. I knew you’d come back for me, eventually,” she smiled, burying the years of grief underneath the momentary gratification.

Her life since meeting and leaving Logan had been a probability. The numbers were infinite, the outcomes varied. She thought her psychology class would’ve been more rough on her mentally, but numbers didn’t lie.

Her calculus and statistics classes had been terrible – not just because she had to work twice as hard for a good grade in math classes, but because the problems so well translated to her life.

There were so many times that she could’ve died – so many times that she could’ve gone to prison for working with “criminals.” So many times that she jeopardized her future. And she was offered a way out, to start fresh.

But as many times as she tried to scare herself into feeling lucky and grateful for being steered back onto her path to success, she felt hollow. She had a one in a million chance of getting out of that life alive, but she had a one in a million chance of meeting Logan, too.

There were millions of people in Los Angeles County – she could’ve gone her whole life without knowing him, blissfully ignorant to the rough underbelly of the city she’d grown up in.

He changed her from the second he met her. Her probability split down the middle, branching into paths and subpaths, and multiple more until each move she made was critical. And the moment he left, she clung to him, despite the probabilities of them ever meeting again slimming more and more with each passing day.

He squirmed a bit, looking uncomfortable. She could tell that he was holding back. “Look, Raquel, I have to be completely honest with you, or it wouldn’t sit right with me. I know you haven’t seen me since you left for college, but… I’ve seen you.”

Her breath hitched in her throat. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, all of the jobs I’ve taken since leaving L.A. have been on the east coast, so I could stay close to you. To protect you.”

It shouldn’t have been music to her ears, but witnessing those words fall from his lips filled her soul with a sensation she could only describe as tranquility.

Her first year of college was riddled with depressive episodes, but the ensuing paranoia that came after she was reminded of The Brotherhood was even heavy, even more suffocating. She watched her back so much that her body was covered with bruises from the times she’d run into door frames, trash cans, people, sometimes causing her to trip and fall.

She was so unhealthily fixated on all of the possibilities and outcomes that she withdrew, not wanting to be the reason anyone close to her was harmed. She spent so long worrying that it nearly ruined her.

But hearing that he was always there, close enough to keep her safe, alleviated her, renewed her, replenished her. It nearly undid the hurt, minus a critical detail.

“Why didn’t you reach out to me?”

“I couldn’t… hurt you. The crews I ran with… it would’ve –” he cut himself off with a shake of his head, throwing back the bottle to finish it off.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Logan,” she whispered, watching his labored breathing, like he was so close to crumbling before her eyes.

“No, I can handle it. It just might take me a few tries to get it out,” he smiled weakly, gripping her hand, and she held firm, grounding him.

“Truthfully, I wanted to call you. You don’t know how many times I typed your number out and deleted it. I know your number by memory now.

“I was already here by the time you moved in. I’d been recruited by one of Teppei’s old friends, if you could call him that. He seemed like a great guy at first, but…” he trailed off, pained.

“It got really bad. This guy said he never worked with the same crew twice, and I thought since he kept calling me back that I was special.” He laughed curtly, the familiar look of brewing rage bubbling beneath the surface. “It was stupid, but each time he kept pushing me into doing more than I bargained for. I did a lot of things I couldn’t stomach, but by the time I realized what I was doing, I was already getting orders for the next job.”

He watched her hand on his, refusing to meet her eye.

“I always thought I’d dip when things got too rough, but I couldn’t give up being so close to you.”

“You didn’t run?”

“I told you I was tired of running,” he grinned, and it seemed alien on his gaunt face – like it’d been so long since he smiled he’d forgotten how to do it.

“So, what are you doing now, then?”

“Running.”

He said it so matter-of-factly, so deadpan, so pragmatic, that she knew not to pry. He was at rock bottom, and she was his only way out.

“What can I do?” she asked, no hesitation, ready to throw herself in the line of fire for him.

“I just need a ride to the used car lot on the other side of town. I have cash and someone there waiting to sell me one, so all I need is a ride.”

“You could’ve just called a cab or something, though. Why do you need me?” She prodded.

“I don’t know if you’re gonna like what I’m gonna say,” he hesitated, clearly torn.

“I can’t like or dislike it if you don’t tell me.”

He sighed. “Well, this might be the last time I can see you… for a while.”

“Can’t you just hide out and wait out till it’s safe? You can’t leave now, I just… I just got you back,” she choked, panicking and grieving all over again. 

“I have to. There’s a pretty hefty warrant out for me. And I’ve got people looking for me. I can’t drag you into that,” he said, solemn.

“No, you can get out, Logan, we just have to plan it out. We can beat this, we just have to try,” she whispered, vision blurring with tears.

“Hey, hey, Raquel, it’s okay, I’ve accepted it,” he soothed her, reaching out to stroke her face, swiping his thumb across the streaks of water the teardrops left behind. “I just wanted to see you before I left.”

“Logan, I can’t say goodbye again. I just got you back,” she repeated, the familiar sense of dread creeping in, her chest tight.

“I can’t. I’m in too deep.” And he left it at that.

He left a tip, and they walked to the car, hands intertwined. She wanted so badly to just talk – to catch up on the years he’d missed, to make him proud, but it wasn’t the time. There’d never be a time. Being together in that moment was precious, every minute counting.

She’d have to memorize every second; they would have to last her a lifetime.

“Do you want to drive?”

He chuckled in response, a spark of his old self coming back. “Nah, I’ll be doing enough of that. I really missed seeing you behind the wheel.”

They slipped onto the warm leather seats – the moist air left over from the rain had seeped into the atmosphere of the car. She cranked up the AC, sweat beading on the back of her neck.

She peeled out onto the gravel backroad, not knowing what to say next. Thankfully, he leaned forward to tap the volume knob, turning on the radio, but the soft hum of the engine drowned it out, white noise in their silence.

He slipped the dog tag from around his neck, ruffling his hair, and placed it on the neck of the rearview mirror. It dangled, catching the occasional light of the passing streetlight.

“Is that a new necklace?” she asked, watching it sway as she turned onto the ramp to merge onto the highway.

“I hope you don’t think it’s weird.”

“I think we’re past that.”

“After I gave you my last necklace, I wanted something of my own to remember you by, so I got this done,” he rotated the piece towards her.

“Troublemaker” and her phone number was carved into the metal, scratched and slightly rusty.

“Oh, Logan,” she breathed, gripping the steering wheel harder. She couldn’t tell him bye. She’d just gotten him back.

“I want you to keep it.”

“No, you need it to remember me by, like you said,” she forced through a sob, the composure she’d thought she’d had a grasp on crumbling with each syllable that fell from his lips.

“I don’t need it, Raquel.”

“If I take it it means that…” she couldn’t say it.

“That it could get ugly. And I might not ever come back for you.”

“I want you to, though, Logan. I’m so close to finishing college, and I’m going to start med school soon, and I’m gonna have a great job, and I can take care of us and I–” she cut herself off, crying, her body heaving.

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispered, and was met with the calloused pads of his fingers on her jaw.

“I can’t do this without you.”

“You can. You’re way stronger than you think. I know you made it through some hard ass classes without anyone’s help,” he joked.

“You are too.”

“This isn’t about me anymore. It was never really about me,” he said, tracing a hand down her shoulder to rub the nape of her neck lovingly. “I know you never moved on. Hell, I didn’t really let you move on since I was secretly playing bodyguard for years. But this time I’m serious. You’ve gotta let me go, Troublemaker.”

“You know I’ll never do that,” she laughed feebly.

“You have to at least try. For me.”

She didn’t answer him. She pulled off of the highway, begging for the car to break down, for some divine intervention to happen to prove that they deserved to be together.

When she parked in the empty lot, the only light coming from her headlights and the flashing streetlight, he turned to her, a softness in his haggard appearance.

They stared at each other, drinking in every inch of their bodies. She wanted to remember him as bright, more vigorous, more alive.

And before she knew it, their lips were on one another’s, fervent and hungry. He smelled exactly the same, and she breathed him in, lacing her fingers in his hair, taking full advantage of their brief moment of solitude.

He parted his mouth, tasting her, groaning. They kissed over and over, reacquainting themselves. It morphed into her breaking down, yet again, kissing and embracing him over and over, trying desperately to reclaim the moment as healing. But she couldn’t see it that way, even as he whispered affirmations in her ear, reminding her of all of the things he loved about her.

The rain picked up again, tapping insistently against the windshield, setting a much more soothing ambiance than the situation called for.

Finally, she leaned back, so unwilling to part from the warmth of his arms. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he breathed, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. “I need to hit the road so I can make it over the state border by sunrise.”

“Logan…” she whispered, begging. “I know we can make this work.” She sounded like a broken record, proposing empty ideas with no solutions. She knew there wasn’t a solution, but she preferred empty words to the stinging slap of the truth.

“I’m a fugitive. You’re going to be a doctor. I can’t compromise that. It’s selfish.”

“But I want you to be selfish,” she clasped his hands in hers, holding it to her chest. “You know I’d do anything for you.”

“That’s the problem, Troublemaker. I can’t let you do that,” he brought her hands to his mouth, kissing her knuckles once, twice, before unlocking his door, and stepping out. “You were always too good for me, Raquel.”

He circled to the front of the car and smiled at her one last time, the tears in his eyes glimmering, reflecting the headlights. She watched the rain dot blotches all over his ratty tee, clinging to his form, and it made her wish she’d been able to see all of him. 

Then he turned, and walked further and further into the lot of cars, his form becoming hazy before disappearing completely. 

And she couldn’t stop him. 

Probability always won in the end – the numbers didn’t lie. She could’ve seen it coming from a mile away, but she didn’t want to see it.

She was paralyzed in fear, knowing that there was no way she could save him from the hell that’d engulfed him, but refusing to believe it.

[o-bae-me]

The Brothers with an Anxious MC!

As someone who lives with pretty bad anxiety, I thought this would be a fun one to start off my headcanon blog!

Lucifer:

He doesn't really get it. Your triggers seem irrational to him or at least blown out of proportion. He isn't mad at you, just confused, and maybe a bit frustrated. He's a busy guy and taking care of you might be more work than he anticipated.

He doesn't blame you though. He's heard of such disorders before and knows that you can't help it. Besides, you're a guest in the Devildom and it would be a disservice to both you and Diavolo to treat you poorly, even in this.

While he will never be the touchy feely type, Lucifer does his best. He does his research and speaks with you about how best to tackle the problem.

Always tries to combat your anxieties with logic, reassuring you when you need it. He's a solid pillar when you feel like you're drifting.

Let's you sit in his office when you need quiet. If he's in there with you, which he usually is, he makes tea for the both of you, picking blends that he knows are meant to calm.

He isn't the most patient of the brothers but he's making an effort.

Mammon:

Also doesn't understand, but hey! You can't worry if the great Mammon is distracting you right?! The first time you have a panic attack around him he panics a bit himself. Why are you crying? Should humans be breathing that fast? He may or may not think you're dying.

Once he's sure you're not dying though, he goes right for the distractions. Probably by doing something stupid. But it makes you laugh, and that smile is better than crying right?

He's great at getting you talking, or talking to you if you aren't up for responding. He usually tells you about the things he's bought recently or his next big plan to strike it rich. The two of you walk around the house or the school, burning off the extra adrenaline as his voice lulls you back into a calmer state.

He never lets you feel embarrassed or ashamed. He simply won't have it. Whenever you start to apologize for your emotions he cuts you off, reminding you that time is money, so if it wasn't important, he wouldn't waste his time.

NOT THAT YOU'RE IMPORTANT OR ANYTHING! WHAT? NO HE NEVER IMPLIED THAT! Stupid squishy human. He's just doing the job Lucifer gave him. Yeah, that's it.

Leviathan:

He gets you. As someone who suffers with anxiety himself (social), he understands what it's like. You end up bonding over your shared experiences, giving each other advice and simply venting about your frustrations.

Levi's go to coping skill is video games. He shows you all his favorites, picking out ones that are positive and lack violence. Don't get him wrong, he loves a good FPS but when he's really anxious, sometimes something a little softer is called for.

He's a great listener, willing to stay quiet as the two of you play. He chimes in here or there when needed, but overall he's the more silent type of comfort.

If you ever try to apologize he laughs it off, saying he knows what it's like. Besides, he enjoys having someone to share these games with.

Satan:

Like Lucifer, he can't empathize with your experience. However, he's very knowledgeable on the topic, having read countless psychology books over his lifetime. Probably goes into full teacher mode when he realizes what's going on, explaining to you the medical reasoning behind the condition, what treatments work best, etc. He thinks maybe if you have more knowledge about what's going on, it'll be less scary.

Mostly he ends up being a quiet body to lean against when you feel like you can't be around the others. The two of you curl up on a couch in the library with a stack of books. He'll read to you if you can't focus or you'll read to him if you feel up to it.

Like Lucifer, he also is good at tackling your anxieties with logic. He often ends up going on tangents without meaning to, info dumping whatever he knows about the subject. You don't mind. It's a good distraction.

If you can't sit still, he'll have you help him hunt down books in the library, hoping the movement will help use up the extra energy. It's a good task to help you focus on the present.

Asmodeus:

Definitely startled the first time you panic around him. He doesn't really understand why you act this way but he'll be damned if he lets you deal with this alone. Worrying causes wrinkles after all and that just won't do.

This man is the self care KING. Whenever you tell him you're having a bad day, he immediately takes you too his room and pulls out his emergency kit. It's got all the essentials; facemasks, nail polish, lotion, bubble bath, you name it, it's in here. The majority of it is lavender scented, a tip he picked up from the consultant at the store when he asked about aroma therapy.

Basically, he's your man for recovery after an anxious day. But not so much if you're actively panicking. He really doesn't know what to do to calm you down. He tries his best though, sitting you down and cooing reassurances, touching you as much as you feel able to handle, smoothing your hair, holding your hands. If you can't handle touch at all, then he's really at a loss for what to do, but he stays by your side regardless.

Beelzebub:

One of the more understanding brothers. Belphie struggled a lot after Lilith died and while he never knew the full extent of it, he was always there for his brother.

He isn't much of a talker but, like Asmo, he excels at physical comforts. He mostly just lets you lay on him as you watch TV. If you're actively panicking his first instinct is to hold you tight (if you're okay with it). He's basically your living weighted blanket.

He's always there to listen if you need to rant or cry. He doesn't always have advice, but he's there to let you know you aren't alone.

If you need a bigger distraction, he suggests the two of you make some food. The methodical tasks help you refocus your mind and calm you down. Plus, you get to have yummy food at the end. You guys end up trying a bunch of new recipes over the course of your stay and it becomes a sort of destressing ritual you two do on the regular.

Belphagor:

Like Levi, Belphagor understands struggling with mental health. He's never really had anxiety, but he definitely struggled with depression and anger after Lilith's death. Unlike Levi however, he hasn't quite learned how to manage his own emotions yet. He's only just accepted Lilith's death after all.

Belphie doesn't really have any coping skills to offer you but he does commiserate with you about your struggles. If you're actively panicking he doesn't really know what to do. He most likely enlists his brother Beel to help. Or if Beel isn't around, he may try to emulate Beel's techniques.

What Belphagor excels at is panic attack aftercare. You're exhausted after all that anxiety and adrenaline and who better to take care of you in that moment then the avatar of sloth himself. He makes sure you're nice and comfy in a mountain of pillows and blankets, laying next to you to nap and recover.

Ends up gifting you either a weighted blanket or a weighted stuffed animal. He heard those help with anxiety. Plus, the stuffed animal is just cute.

[astroismypassion]

Hi astroismypasion, I recently sent a donation on kofi. Would love to know things on my chart interpretation. My birth chart info is Nov 1st 1991 20:41pm :)

Hi! 

First of all, thank you for your kind message. I really liked how you worded it, you instantly came across as an elegant and kind individual! 

Also, a side note about your birthday number, which is 1. I often notice Scorpios have it or they have 10. So I consider it a leader’s number. But it’s also a lonely path or so it seems. I guess it really is lonely at the top! ;) 

Thank you for buying me this delicious hot beverage. I drank iced black coffee with rice milk while writing your interpretation. I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I did writing! I listened to Lorde - Everybody wants to rule the world. 

Your dominant planets are: 1. Sun, 2. Pluto and 3. Mercury. Your dominant signs are: 1. Scorpio, 2. Virgo and 3. Capricorn. Your main mode is Fixed. You are Water dominant. 

FAMILY, SIBLINGS, EARLY LIFE 

If you have any siblings, they are Leo, Virgo, Sagittarius or Cancer. You have Virgo IC. Your parents might have been over critical, nit picky, nagging and complaining about you or to you. They might have compared to your siblings, friends, schoolmates or neighbours. You learnt how to read, write and speak very early on. Your parents emphasized how important it is to have realistic goals and views. They wanted you to pursue something pragmatic and useful. A bit of your 4th house is already in Libra. You are not emotionally close to your parents. You might have more of an intellectual, mental bond. They provided for your physical needs, but emotional needs not so much. You have Venus in the 4th house as well. Your parental figures encouraged you to go after your desire, wishes and what makes you passionate. You might be a private person and not many people know what you truly value and like, apart from family members and close friends. You value security, safety, comfort, home, family and nurturing. You like to take care of your family members. You have Sun sextile Moon. Your parents agreed on the style of your upbringing. They were in sync in how to raise you. You have Sun conjunct Mars. Your father encouraged you to go after your wants, desires, passions. You have Sun square Saturn. He might have restricted you in your career choice, professional life. He might have not been encouraging in the area of the 10th house or your career path. You have Virgo Jupiter in the 3rd house. You might have a lot of siblings, cousins and family relatives. They might have foreign origin or different cultural, religious background. Your family relatives might live abroad or in another city, country. You have Scorpio Sun in the 5th house. You felt like you have never known your father well. Or that he was a secretive, hard to know man. He might work as an artist, of some other 5th house topic, education, work with children or younger people. He might also do a physical job due to Scorpio here. Somewhere where there is heavy lifting involved. He might be a bit of a researcher as well. He might also one his own business. Or made a career out of a hobby. You have Virgo Moon in the 3rd house. Your mother sacrificed a lot for you. She is a bit nagging, want you to do errands for her or house chores, but she is a hard worker. She is talkative, witty and intelligent. She likes to gossip a bit as well sometimes. She might have been over critical of you, too logical and not in touch with her emotions, so you tend to rationalize your feelings as well. You just talk yourself out for your moods. 

PARTNERSHIPS AND FRIENDSHIPS

Your friends are Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Leo, Aries, Gemini and Virgo. In your romantic relationships you attract Leo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Aries, Scorpio, Virgo, Gemini, Capricorn and Aquarius. You have Virgo Venus in the 4th house. This represents people you attract, what you value and appreciate. You attract hard working people, who are family oriented and like a sense of security, safety and comfort. You have Scorpio Mars in the 5th house. This represents how you take action, how you approach your crush, things you’re passionate about and what ignites your excitement. You might like to research different topics and subjects for fun. You might like to create your own art. You are passionate about your hobbies and interests. You might like to read about crime, research, detectives, psychology, relationships and their dynamics for fun. You might attract obsessive, strong, a bit stalkerish people. You might attract a bit childlike and immature partners. You take love affairs and dating very seriously. You have the potential of becoming a serial dater, but you still take relationships seriously. You are cautious and a bit guarded when it comes to entering a love affair. Your 7th house is full of surprises, you have Neptune, Uranus there. You might know how to cut people off. Some of your relationships can end as quickly as they have started. You might also idealize other people or not really see people in your romantic, business and platonic relationship for what they are truly. They could confuse you, so what ends up happening is plenty of miscommunication, abrupt changes and sudden events. With Uranus there, you need a lot of personal freedom, space when it comes to how you like your relationships. You dislike anyone telling you what to do in this area. 

CAREER, PROFESSIONAL LIFE, PUBLIC IMAGE 

You have Capricorn North Node in the 7th house. This indicates your life purpose. You might have a hard time picking up just one single career and stick to it. You could be pulled in many directions. You might be into business. You could also like a work environment where there is structured and you know what exactly is expected of you. You might like counselling, administration, public relations, public administration, business, commerce, therapy, advising. You could be an authority when it comes to platonic, business and romantic relationships. You might be inclined to partner with others. You will be the boss. You have Neptune and Uranus in the 7th house. This means you might have an unconventional, unique and non traditional approach to your platonic, romantic and business relationships. People don’t know what to expect from you in this area. You are unpredictable here. Sometimes you can appear too cold, too detached or that you are taking things too seriously. You might also be all about business and no pleasure. There will be an emphasis on the 5th house in this lifetime, because you have so many planets there. You have a stellium in Scorpio Sun, Scorpio Mars and Scorpio Pluto. You have a natural leader energy. You might like to be number one in the field of your choice. You have that Scorpio stellium in the 5th house. You might be very intense about things you are passionate about and even sports. You might be a hobby just so you can master it. You like working with young adult, education, children, in the arts. You might be fond of singing, performing, dancing and acting. You have Cancer Ascendant. This is how you view life, how you approach it and the path that you will walk in this lifetime. You might view yourself as being too sensitive, too emotional and that everything affects you on a personal level and easily. You have Pisces MC. You have Aries and Pisces in your 10th house. You might be attracted to solitary work or even fancy being self employed. You might have a knack for business and advertising. You could advertising something and people would want to have it. You have a lot of potential to heal others. You might be interested in astrology and tarot and different types of healing. You could be an entrepreneur, work in sale and you have very business oriented mind. Here beware of not taking yourself too seriously and be all work and no play. You might be very “cut-throw” in business, work and on your daily job. 

ADDITIONAL OBSERVATIONS 

You have Virgo Part of Fortune in the 3rd house. This is your natural good luck, your good charm. You are at your happiest when you are of service and helpful towards your peers, siblings, neighbours, people in your immediate environment. And when you organise and plan your communication, writing, speaking and conversing. You might be inclined to writing self help books. Or on topics of improvement, organisation, health, pets, advising. You could be attracted to counselling, counselling or health fields, such as nutritions, dietetics. You have Capricorn Lilith in the 7th house. This is where negative Capricorn traits can show up. You can be too cold, too strict, an authoritarian in the area of 7th house (platonic, business and romantic relationships). You have Capricorn Juno in the 7th house. This indicates your ideal soulmate, your ideal partner. You might like someone who is compromising, stable, a provider. Someone who is ambitious, motivated, career and relationship (platonic, business and romantic) oriented. You have Sagittarius Ceres in the 6th house. This is how you wish to be nurtured and how you nurture others. You might like to give them personal space and freedom. You do errands for them or show small acts of kindness. You might show your love through actions. You could also be bluntly honest with them and tell them like it is. You have Leo Chiron in the 2nd house. There is a past wound, a hurt when it comes to your talents, skill set, your creative self expression and creative endeavours. You might have felt shamed or made feel guilty for your creative self expression. You have Venus trine Saturn. You might be attracted to older or more mature partners. You might like younger or older people than your own age. You have Venus trine Neptune. You might idealize your lovers or put them on the pedestal. You might dream of movie like or fairytale like meeting. You are attracted to creators, performers, artists, musicians, people who play instruments. You have Venus sextile Pluto. You might be rejected by certain people. Or you can have lovers that would think about you years after you have broken up. You could have obsessive tendencies when it comes to love. Or you are affected deeply and transformed every time you fall in love. You have Pluto and Jupiter currently transiting 7th house. You might expand your definition and views or transform them completely when it comes to platonic, business and romantic relationships. Or all one on one relationships. You have Saturn currently transiting 8th house. You might feel like you are isolating more, spend more time alone. You might have felt a bit restricted, limited in the area of 8th house (such as others people’s resources, spirituality, occult, mysticism, deep trusted bonds with others). You have Capricorn Eros in the 7th house. I checked your Draconic chart as well. This indicates your “inner you”, how you are “on soulike level”. You seem to have Draconic Capricorn Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Virgo Rising and Gemini MC. 

CHART RULER

Your chart ruler is the Moon. The chart ruler is in the 3rd house. This means your personality (ego, self esteem, self worth, self image, character, personality traits, physical appearance and face) will develop through 3rd house topics (communication, talking, speaking, writing, connections with siblings, neighbours, peers, schoolmates, people from your local town, your elementary and high school friends). Your personality might shine through bets in those areas and topics. This is a part of your life purpose along with Capricorn North Node in the 7th house. If you are interested in this topic, here is an additional video on these topics by an excellent fellow astrologer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBu9sY2RHJI . 

HOUSE RULERS 

The ruler of the 1st house is in the 3rd house.You may seem like “the girl (or boy) next door. Life is oriented toward communicating, gathering information and daily interactions. You gossip about the way people look.

The ruler of the 2nd house is in the 3rd house. You spend money on communication gadgets. You earn a living by working at an elementary school or make money from blogging. Your survival needs are always on your mind.

The ruler of the 3rd house is in the 5th house. Daily conversation revolves around children, hobbies, creativity, theater or the arts. Your communication style is creative and entertaining. Experiences of early education affect your ability to be creative. You have a child-like and playful communication style.

The ruler of the 4th house is in the 5th house. You find emotional security through performance. One parent influences your creative passion. You use your heritage as a means of personal expression.

The ruler of the 5th house is in the 4th house.You want your family to approve of your hobbies, interests and romantic partners. You bring creative projects home with you. You keep a scrapbook of family memories. You are self-expressive around family members. You are privately creative.

The ruler of the 6th house is in the 3rd house. Daily habits are formed around writing and communication. You like being able to take short trips around town while working. Your daily job is a way to make connections with people.

The ruler of the 7th house is in the 8th house. You choose an intense partner. You want to be with someone who can handle your emotional baggage. Partners add to your financial debt.

The ruler of the 8th house is in the 8th house. You enter sexual relationships for sex. You get emotionally entangled with other people to form deep connections. Your attitude to life and death affects your ability to deeply connect with other people.

The ruler of the 9th house is in the 7th house. You marry or have a significant relationship with a person from a foreign country. You can be condescending to your partner. You want a partner who has an equal interest in traveling. You want a partner who has the same level of education.

The ruler of the 10th house is in the 7th house.Partners should have the same ambitions and goals in mind. You gain recognition and social status through your partner. Ideally the partners should have equal status and equal standing. Partners should have balanced careers.

The ruler of the 11th house is in the 5th house.You are friends with all your romantic partners. You bring your social awareness to your children. The people you connect with are self-expressive and entertaining. You belong to artistic groups. You’re in a band. You are a huge fan of the arts.

The ruler of the 12th house is in the 5th house. You bring imagination to your art. You create music for meditation. You take dream-like photographs. There’s a sense of loss even when you’re having fun. Meditation is fun for you.

[chigusaeyes]

everyone has boundaries/limitations irt what they can/’t Tolerate & what they will/won’t Tolerate (”tolerate” really isn’t the best word to summarize the delicate balancing of [my] mind/the state of my mind/and the flexibility of said state of mind, but it’ll have to do) within any piece of fiction

& when it comes to abuse survivors (of any type), that remains relevant - everyone handles/manages/processes (or NOT) their experiences differently, if you look at a large quantity of people who all fit under the Same Diagnosis or the same Umbrella term for [insert trauma(s)] - each of their personal experience(s) w that Generalized trauma/diagnosis/etc, while there are often similarities (obviously they wouldn’t fit under the same umbrella term(s) otherwise, after all - each person’s experience(s) is unique to them

so this is sort of a long winded way of me saying that i got through SLBP Ieyasu’s route & came out Loving him without even blinking at being called “wench” or even “dung-beetle”, but I See Red the minute IkeVamp Theo pops up in any route and calls MC “Hondje” bc suddenly my brain is full of my lifetime’s collected indignation/rage from every single time I’ve ever been called a “[insert your favorite adjective here!] bitch”

What will i do about it? honestly??? nothing! 

what’s my opinion on Theo? nothing particularly strong in any direction tbqh, i’m not interested in his route, no, but there’s several characters whose routes i’m not interested in who don’t call me any particular name - it is what it is

there’s gonna be days when i might need to make use of my blacklist or tumblr mute/block post button, but that’s all; i've little interest in focusing on the things that make me uncomfortable, that’s what my therapy is for - all i really ask is that people do the thing we all appreciate for a potential different variety of reasons - and just tag your posts w the characters that appear in them, maybe? i always appreciate that thx you~