#Me. I am probably scared of anyone caring for me bc i feel im not enough and i will disappoint them+am not worth it

[haemosexuality]

these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone

[mrfoox]

Once I learn the difference between me having a crush and me being (hyper)fixated on a person, it's all over

[lovecrazedpup]

crying over him when his song comes on

[desceros]

You & GB are RUINING me with your blurple villain Leo au How dare you sirs?! You've turned me absolutely feral a slobbering bitey mess /pos

Unfortunately for you activating my hyperfixation also means activating my obsessive brain spinning... Questions be upon ye!!!

Did Lamb-chan grow up with Donnie? How did she first meet villain!Leo? What did she do/say that flipped Leo from "you're a pretty dumb innocent little lamb huh" to "you're *mine* I am keeping you forever"? How did Donnie react the first time Lamb-chan came home smelling like Leo? Is that what snapped his control, the moment his instincts drove him to finally (thoroughly) demonstrate just how well he can take care of her? How did Leo react the next time he saw Lamb-chan & she smelled like Donnie?

I humbly submit these questions in the hopes that you may see fit to give me any crumbs nay even specks of delicious brain food that can be spared 🙏 pls & ty 🙏🙏

[after i gush for twenty minutes about how this is all their fault for enabling me] oh man i love questions

EDIT THIS GOT SO LONG. OH MY GOD. IM PUTTING IT UNDER A CUT also hi @gbao3 <3 please add your thoughts to this as well

so it aaaaaaall started with this post, with leo being the wolf and donnie being the sheep dog.

as such, you're childhood friends with donnie, since sheep dogs grow up with their sheep. i imagine he's basically always been a little in love with you, but it hasn't always been... ah... healthy? like. when he was young it was that kind of 'when we grow up let's get married bc we're best friends' love. and then as a teenager it became kind of an obsession. doesn't the world know how important you are to him? can't you see how dangerous it can be without him to protect you?

it's during this stage that he's maybe a bit self-destructive with it, literally at one point putting himself between you and another mutant, ending up with him having the scars on his shell. he mellows out a little as he grows older, to the point where now it's just a fact of his life that he's in love with you and there won't ever be anyone else; it's less of a fire inside of him and more just. yeah. duh? of course i love them and would die for them? zzzzz next question. but he's still very much the kind of person who asks you your itinerary down to the fifteen minute mark when you leave so he can make sure to know exactly when you'll be home.

i suspect that as lamb-chan, as much as you also love donnie, that can get a little, uh. overbearing. to say the least. i think that you have a habit of slipping out from time to time (since you live at the lair where donnie is always always always watching), just to breathe, to get away from it a little. the world looks a little different without donatello at your side, after all, and you're a little curious. so maybe you wander a little too far, sometimes.

and leo. god. leo is a breath of something that feels like air, but you're not sure what it is.

i don't have the exact first meeting pinned down in my head, but i do have this mental image of him sitting on a fire escape, one knee bent up to his chest and the other hanging down the side, a toothy grin on his face as he mockingly asks what a soft little thing like you is doing on this side of town. and you see him and you're just like, oh. he. he looks a lot like donnie. so you're a lot less scared than you probably should be, and that—that fascinates him. what kind of world do you live in where he's all but a perfect picture of the underbelly of the world, and you smile at him?

what would it take for you to look at him like everyone else does?

so he invites you to come back again. and you, well, you're just like. wow!! friend shaped!! so you do. but this time leo's not on the fire escape. he's on the ground, and he circles you a bit like a predator would. he's looking for you to be uncomfortable; to be afraid. but he made one small mistake; the shape of his smirk, now that he's close, is eerily familiar. it looks so much like donnie's, you could swear the two were twins. and it makes it so, so hard to be anything other than curious. mikey and raph don't look so similar to donnie, after all. why does leo?

so it continues like that until one day, leo says something and you laugh. and that—that hits him like a bludgeon to the chest. it's not like any laugh he's ever had directed at him before. and when you open your eyes, wiping away the amused tears, your gaze is so fucking soft. in that moment, leo realizes that he's hungry. and you—you look like you'd taste so. good.

meanwhile donnie is like. no really. where the fuck are you going. and one day he follows you and who the fuck is this guy with his arms around you. (but i think i'm going to leave that one for another day bc i have a nice one-shot in my drafts folder about how that'd play out)

[bleekay]

anyone who cares about the me hating my room layout saga........come along w me...... no img descriptions im so sorry..... i can only describe these images as "2d bedroom/office poorly laid out in various ways"

sorry im using inches not cm. so here is my room's current layout:

it's a small room, less than 10'x11'. that window on the side is 6'x6' and the window sill sticks out 2 inches from the wall, and it starts 1 foot up from the floor. im using my desk as a bedside table rn. why do i want to rearrange this? why does it kill me that this is what i'm stuck with?

SICK OF MY MOM DOING THIS SHIT. just silently standing in my doorway whenever she walks past my room and i have something interesting to her on my screen. she wont even announce she's there, she just stands there. one time i was watching some stupid funny video and i found out she was behind me because she LAUGHED and it scared the shit out of me. yes i have talked to her about it. yes she knows i don't like it. she says she "doesn't do it on purpose" just sometimes she'll walk past and see something on the screen and can't help but look. girl.

but like heres the thing... what if friends have drawn nice porn??? ideally let's not let my mom look at it. I want to draw porn??? lol, lmao even. imagine what i could make if i were free. no but fr even aside from that, just day to day, it'd be nice to feel like an adult and not a kid whose parent is looking over their shoulder all the time, even past the invasion of privacy issue, having my back to the door means im always on edge... so that is goal number 1.

("why dont you just close your door?" dogs ok shut up)

(also wanted to say that step 1 in preventing my mom from just Doing That was to get a door curtain, which i have now, but it does not change my desire to move my desk. it isnt enough.)

goal number 2 is giving the dogs a pathway equal in flow to the current one. the dog seat next to my chair is 26 inches high, so the dogs can only get there from the bed, not the floor. you can see right now, it's easy peasy for them, step up, bed, seat. that blue circle is where i initially put the dog seat, and it was lower at the time so the dogs could reach it from the floor. alas, katze hated it on that side even though it was easier for me to get out of my chair when it was on the left of me instead of the right.

ok, so we've got the two big goals. desk against right-side wall. easy layout for dogs.

i need you to know i've tried a lot of different layouts ok. i am showing you a FRACTION of the attempts. a fraction!!!! i tried a layout with my bed at a 45 degree angle, don't "have you tried--" me

the left side wont work bc the dresser and bed overlap by 2 inches and it simply won't fit. the right one solved that problem. but both of these have two other problems: 1, dogs falling into window gap lol -- easily solvable, i'll just fill in the window with pillows or something -- and 2, i have to choose whether to give the dogs a step over to their seat or to have a bedside table. can't have both. and i need a bedside table so the dog seat would have to go on the other side with a step up, which would block me in. also unacceptable. both of these are out.

thats what led me to this layout, which i made a post about. so the dresser would work as a bedside table for me, the dogs have decent flow up the step, to the bed, over onto the dog seat. but ah. the space between the desk and the bed is about 20 inches. maybe a little less if the window sill pushes the bed out an inch or two from the wall. am trapped. probably difficult to get in and out. i am not teeny tiny.

and now we are here:

if i just scoot the desk down i have room to move, dogs still have flow, everything's good..... except. you see it right. just a. large gap in the corner. nothing there. surrounded by things that are all 2 feet high or taller. so, a pit really. but, ah, what's this????

a free table exactly the length and width of the gap, stopping any chance of the dogs falling down there and hurting themselves or being unable to get out???

wow, i can move my printer from on top of the dresser to on that table! i can put my mini shelves there which are currently sitting on my desk! i can maybe even set some little trinkets and doodads there!! ah, table that is perfectly sized for my corner pit and that i got totally for free and is in really good shape and not falling apart, wow you're so great! :)

is what i would say if i had a table that fit there and was free and worked well

[finanah]

akito shinonome fluff alphabet !! akito x reader

ok umm ermm i dont like the heizou smau and unfortunately my genshin rephase has ended so ill probably not touch it at all ermm i dont think anyone cares so its ok >_<!! the divder is so fat guys pls someone send me a like smaller one i can save on my PHONE bc my pc is still broken help

not enough akito stuff under the akito tag so here i am

contents = mentions of heavier bleeding in the “injuries” part, no other warnings

i tried not to specify reader too much guys woohoo not proofread idk the wordcount

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

i feel like akito would like seeing you when you’re passionate about a hobby or dream, especially since he does the same. However if you don’t have any, maybe just your excitement for anything materialistic that you might like.

if you’re also someone who enjoys music and singing like he does, he’d probably admire that over everything.

great minds think alike!

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

ok i actually have no idea help..

i would guess either your hands, your waist or lips

lips in a more romantic way, hes a touch starved guy so something as intimate as a kiss 100% has him giggling

you know that totally hot thing some guys do when they walk past you?? like the doorway doesnt have that much space and he just slightly moves you by your waist its so akskj i feel like hed do that n likes seeing your reactions out of it

i like waists too so i dont see why anyone WOULDNT like them.. i mean during hugging, back hugs, tickling etc i just think theyre nice and i feel like he would too

hands bc it’s satisfying to see you do literally anything.. holding the microphone, writing, the feeling when u play with his hair or draw circles on his back when you cuddle (idc hes SO small spoon coded) he just likes the feeling of it

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

if you’re like me and hug anyone and everyone he would be SICKK of you and enjoy it

he’d be embarrassed, totally

hes not a fan of pda, since whenever he sees a lovey dovey couple in public he gets irked by it but when hes the lovey dovey couple in public hes embarrassed

i mean as long as you’re not all hot and steamy in public i think hugs should be allowed!!

indoors hes a cuddlebag 100%

he likes being little spoon, or just laying on you as long as it doesnt crush you

but if you’re tired, or just want him to hold you he’d never refuse either, hes like.. 60/40?

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

if you go out anywhere, its a store that includes sweet shit cuz this guys sweet tooth is insane

if you have one too, its either he’s glad you share tastes OR you’re fighting over the last piece of cake

he’d really like indoor dates too, like where you just cuddle and watch movies

im sure hed like themeparks too, even tho im not sure if he enjoys wild rides like that i think hed just love the fun atmosphere

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

i think hes the type of guy who doesn’t like feeling vulnerable, but when he does let it out and you react in a more caring way than he expected, he’d loosen up a little.

hes such a cutie too, if something is on his mind he’d tell you in a blunt but monotone way, like in a way where it wouldn’t hurt you? it may still hurt you but he tries..

im not sure if he’d cry around you, in the first couple months of getting used to being in an established relationship, maybe he’d keep it a little more private (hes scared that you’ll think hes a wimp)

but once he gets used to you, and is sure you wont point and ridicule him for showing any type of emotion, you’re gonna be his safespace and anytime hes mad at someone its a gossip session

i want to bite him so badhes such a cufie

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

ok so im not entirely sure if he wants kids, he would 100% marry you definitely but will look out if you want to pursue your dreams (if you have any) like he does, and if you do he doesn’t want your kids to be neglected, neither for you to tire yourself out by doing both of those things

and if hes aware of the terrifying package that comes with pregnancy, both during and after i think he’d let you fully decide on wether you’re having kids

i still think that he’d love the idea of two kids, one boy one girl since he grew up with a sister. he thinks that despite the little fights he has with ena, he loves her and knows that they look out for eachother

he wouldnt mind having less either (for your health probably) or having two girls or two boys, the idea of having a little version of him and you running around is enough

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

in the beginning of the relationship, he observes

hes outspoken but i dont think (i doubt) that hes ever been in a relationship and is probably a newbie at it, so he just speculates on what you like, what your hobbies are, how you feel about things etc so he doesn’t hurt you and knows what to order/buy for you when you go out

its very heartwarming, he likes seeing your reactions when you recieve the very thing you’ve been eyeing but never had the time to get from him all like “how did you know?!” and by this you’re just boosting his ego

whenever you reach a goal, or pass a test he would (very discreetly) give you a kiss on the cheek or forehead if he doesn’t have anything on him, a peck or a snack for a small milestone!

but if its something insane like, getting into your dream school, debuting, or anything important hed take you out as like a little celebration

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

he loves it, and he doesnt

he loves doing it when you’re alone or when no one can notice, like under the table, in your pockets (more obvious but he doesnt realize) holding his pinky, etc

if someone points it out hes pulling away so fast LMAO

if you keep his hand in place and not let him pull away hes just gonna sit there with a red face saying “oh yeah…” and completely ignore any of the comments

in private, hes holding your hand all the time

like if you’re the small spoon for once, and end up falling asleep hed hold your hand and fall asleep on his own

hand holding is something that one of you has to initiate in some .. discreet way.. hes too embarrassed lol but if you show no sign of making the move he’ll force himself eventually (he wants to hold your hand too bad)

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

if its something minor like a paper cut, hes gonna call you clumsy and dumb .. though if its like a super deep one and youre genuinely in pain hes sweating buckets

“seriously, how do you even get a papercut..”

if you like.. break a bone, or get a BAD injury hes on the verge of tears

like, hes so worried its kinda funny. hed be checking up on you 24/7 and get you little snacks

his schedule is tight but will stretch it out just so he can know you’re okay, but if its like an injury where you somehow got a deep cut and youre bleeding like crazy (while hes there) he suddenly has all medical knowledge

to sum it up, hed be worried regardless and tend to whatever injury you have

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

i don’t see him as much of a prankster, but he would probably tease you alot. like, if you’re in gym class and absolutely cannot do it anymore hes gonna tease you for it and call you a slowpoke

i don’t think hed go too far, he’d just make little harmless comments to rile you up for fun

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

hes touch starved and i doubt that his love language is physical affection, tho he does like holding you his primary love language would be quality time and acts of service

i can see him being all of them tbh, like words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and gift giving is just so him, the physical touch too.. hes just everything i love him

if you’re upset, he’d make you some food, scoop you up and reassure you and just hear you out (if the setting is right lol) hes just such a cutie

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

i think ill have to be vague with this one because this is more like akito x reader where i dont wanna specify anything about reader and akito.. like the imagination is up to u

but if anything, if you’re like past the marriage line, his favorite memory would be the day you got married and your honeymoon, i mean.. its marriage what do you excpect

if you’re also someone with a singing career like him, he’d love all the times you two practiced eachothers lines and choreographies. he just loves the idea of sharing a similar dream to someone as close as you

he loves all the minor memories too, whenever you two cuddle, whenever you reassure him, whenever hes reminded that you see him as your safespace etc

he just likes the entire memory of you

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

ill specify this as a nightmare inside the relationship circle, since i think this is what would apply in this alphabet

hes scared of hurting you in a way where you’ll see him in a bad light forever and would never want to even be on his radar

he hates the idea of being a source to your problems, it makes him sorta insecure that if he just didn’t exist, you’d probably be happier

in general, hes scared of being the reason of loosing you and just hurting you to such a degree

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

his specified addiction to cheesecake and pancakes lol.. or that he can’t own up to his feelings and just denies any confrontation about them

he likes playing with your hair, and theres just something about anything that you own that makes it super fun to use

like if hes taking a shower at your place and just looks at the shampoos you have, he’s totally using them

like not in a weird way, its just the thought that “whats so special about it?? let me just..”

like he just thinks anything yours is sacred (he has multiple hairties of yours and keeps them on his wrist)

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

im sorry i cant see this guy using petnames.. like maybe “dumbass” or just anything teasing but its just generally your name.. unless you ask him to use a nickname or just something people call you hed do it

i just dont see him using darling, cutie or princess.. its corny imo

you guys to yourselves, if you see him saying that thats u.. its just such an ick for me

i can KINDA see him using babe, since its kinda common (i dont see him using baby) and slightly sweetheart maybe idk

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

he loves it, he lives for it, it might be a little difficult to spend time together since his schedule is all messy but during school time or keeping him company while hes training is something he likes

he might be pent up and a little angry during some training sessions, and MIGHT say something mean without paying attention

if you get angry at him for it, he would just not notice and brush it off (during the moment) but would realize what he did and apologize when hes calmed down

this is a more personal hc but if you continue to ignore him and do NOT wanna speak to him bc umm why are you taking your anger out on ME??? he would have to corner you and beg for you to stop ignoring him

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

if you write songs and sing etc, obviously your songs since they have your voice in them

he mightttt make a song abt u, or just make a spotify playlist with songs that remind him of you

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

he’d be pretty open after awhile of being with you but miscommunication would be quite a problem regardless, especially in the beginning

he’d be a little shy of telling you too much, so when hes comfortable he would tell you most of the things he has on his mind

basically he just needs time to open up

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

id be SCARED of this guy so on a personal perspective it would take me AWHILEEE to even talk to him.. + id confess over text cuz im not going thru the embarrassment

if you’re friends and you somehow find out from a few interrogations that he has smth for you, confessing wouldnt be a problem

i feel like he would also maybe confess.. im not sure, it would take him awhile tho cuz.. tsundere

anyway, i think like if you’ve been friends for awhile PROBABLYY like a year.. unless you’re bold!! if you just met like as 1st years and liked him in 2nd it purely depends on how good your relationship is

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

this totally depends on the type of upset person you are, so if youre more like “angry do not talk to me i hate you get away” type of upset, but still want him to relentlessly chase after you for forgiveness (am i toxic..oops) he’d probably have to figure out that you’re this way, like hed think just an apology would cut it but would realize hes VERY wrong

i dont see him being the chasing after you type, but his soft spot for you would force him to since he misses you too much

if youre a more reasonably upset person, he would apologize and take you out maybe.. as i mentioned he doesnt like being a source of you being sad or angry, so hes gonna try his best

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

he’s not the showing off type, but if youre like for an example exceptionally pretty or talented at something, he’d babble and babble on about it

like how nice your hair is, how clear your skin is, how you’re practically glowing next to him, how good your grades are, how good you are at a type of sport, how organized you are.. literally anything that his little observation duty got out of you

vbs and the sekailoids are sick of him, and he gets embarrassed when confronted about how much he talks about you (he notices how much he talks about you but just cant stop)

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

he doesn’t want you to fight for anything, like in a perspective where youre battling against something alone. he wants to be there for you and with you

he wants you to know that he’ll be there for you regardless of how different your dreams are, he wants to support you!!

in conclusion, he would fight beside you if its about your dreams, and would fight for you if its something like bullying

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

he can’t read you fully, but he knows more than you’d think he does

ive said it like thrice LOL but this man is observant!!! he knows what you like and what you dont, your preferences and can already guess what you would choose in a store or public setting

in conclusion!!!! he can’t fully read how you feel, but he hes definitely better at it than the majority of people

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

if you want it super fancy, he’d try his best to make it in a more luxurious way so it fits your taste

before proposing, it would take him a few months to fully study how you would like it, if you want it expensive or just more thoughtful

based on the person he is and the type of person he would like, he’d do it purely all with love, yes.. no 3 million diamond ring with 1000 roses on a yacht

he would also like someone who isnt too high class, so a ring is a ring, he’d do it on a place where its super pretty (example like a mountain with a breath taking view) or the beach at night!! he wants to propose in private because he doesn’t dig public exposure of something so intimate

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

whenever you two cuddle and theres some music in the backround.

he loves your presence and anytime you’re cuddling while he sleeps, hes just so comfortable and calm

he likes off-school mornings where you two had a sleepover too!! he just wakes up happy

whenever you two watch a movie under a kotatsu with some snacks!!

A/N

this is very long!! but its also the whole fluff alphabet lol.. i dont this think is ooc tbh maybe the “begging for forgiveness” part but its probably more accurate than not

plz no steal inspo is ok with creds @finanah2024

[ankiebitez]

Obey Me! with a goth Mc

lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan

notes:

this was written with the like 80s trad goth style in mind so like big teased up hair, bold makeup and clothes, etc. plus some of my own experiences bc I've been into alternative stuff since i was a kid and i live in the south so

i don't think there's anything gender specific in here but i mean. this is mostly just self indulgent and i am a guy so idk if i should put gn or male reader but ehhh i might go back later and add some stuff specific to a male/masc reader bc there's like crumbs of male mc content

im gonna try to do the other brothers and side characters too if i can but i just felt like posting these for now bc i need some time to think of stuff for the others

Lucifer:

probably wouldn't care much or think much of it when you first show up

i feel like he would like some kinds of goth music and it might be one of the things that helps him warm up to you

he would probably like more of the melodic types though, probably not too into the like 80s synth type stuff

anyone that makes fun of you for how you dress and look is gone immediately. no questions asked, they're just gone.

if he's close to you he might let you try doing his makeup and hair ONCE with enough begging, but will immediately wash it off and say to never do it again. (even though he secretly liked it)

i could see him listening to rosetta stone and christian death probably

mammon:

probably got scared the first time he saw you if you do like extreme makeup and everything

"lucifer are you sure that's a human?"

wont say anything to you about it though

after he warms up to you (like within 10 minutes) he loves it though

i feel like he'd be okay with some goth/80s music but wouldn't pay it much mind to have favorite artists, would probably like a good few songs separately though

would let you try to do his makeup and hair whenever you want, would complain about it but wouldn't mean it and would blush the entire time you do his makeup

wouldn't mind doing goth related stuff with you as long as it's not too scary

finding, altering, dyeing, or styling clothes? he'll totally help

going looking for records? he'll go with you

going to goth clubs? he'll totally go with you and he'll probably have a good time

if you want him to watch horror movies or something though, he'll do it but you're gonna have to hold him probably

would probably say the "damn i want a goth gf/bf" thing to attempt to flirt with you unironically

is like ur guard dog anyone that makes fun of you is getting chased down the halls of rad

leviathan:

probably wouldn't care much when you show up

would probably still consider you a normie and would be surprised if you told him goth people get made fun by other people in the human world

would defend you from anyone that makes fun of you or tries to, he's summoning lotan

thinking about when a alternative creator i like said something about solidarity between alternative people and people that are into anime stuff and then said in the 2000s when she was 14 someone made fun of the dude she was dating for liking anime and she "defended his honor" by beating the shit out of him THATS YALL

admires you for dressing how you do and asks you how you have the confidence for it

i could see him listening to some goth stuff but opposite to lucifer he likes more of the goth synth type stuff

would listen to like softcell (not sure if they're considered goth but i like them and i feel like he would so-) or she wants revenge

satan:

oh he's in love

has read about the human world goth subculture before and knows a lot about it but he definitely wants to talk to you and ask you about it personally

if you like reading gothic literature he's IN LOVE he would love to read it with you

would like more of the classic and melodic kinds of goth music

he probably wouldn't mind going to a goth club with you every once in a while

would be fine watching horror movies and stuff with you

he would 10000000% do the gomez and morticia arm kisses thing

he might let you try doing his hair and makeup every once in a while, wish he had longer hair and he'd remind me of sean brennan in the 80s when he had the long blonde teased up hair

i could see him listening to rosetta stone and london after midnight

[stellas-starry-stories13]

okay hi stella!! this is for the matchup reqs

so for gender boy pls <3

probably blue lock for the fandom (pjsk will probably get a lot of attention and i'm highly obsessed with bllk rn if you couldn't tell lmao)

for my personality i can be rlly shy and awkward when you first meet me, but once you get close to me i'll start acting how i usually do, being friendly and silly (insane and bouncing off the walls) i am definitely an introvert but i can be extroverted to people i'm close with. i'm super insecure sometimes and i get stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed easily

good personality traits are: kind, caring, selfless, good listener, funny

bad personality traits are: too selfless (i stop caring about what i want and only listen to what other people want), annoying (sometimes), when i'm tired i get very lazy

my love language is 100% physical touch, and i like to receive words of affirmation and physical touch

i'm very sensitive to being excluded, disappointing or letting people down, and i feel guilty when people worry about me

hobbies are drawing, reading, playing violin, playing games and watching tv (anime)

some talents i have are writing, playing my violin, and i'm a pretty fast runner! ^^

i'm a-okay with any age range as long as they're a minor! (bc i'm a minor)

so i'm assuming the only characters from bllk i can be matched up with are the ones you could write for from your previous blog (which off the top of my head was isagi, bachira, chigiri, nagi, reo, and rin???) so out of those 6 i wouldn't want to be matched up with isagi or nagi

what i don't want in a partner would be them telling me off or getting mad at me over small things, or just being an ass in general

what i would want in a partner would be them being really kind and willing to help me with whatever i need, and also someone that loves me for me ^^; and will help me feel better about myself

OKAYYYY that's all ty Stella!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

` . < Bluelock Matchup No.1~! > . '

A/N: HIIII WA ER BO LE.girl. in case you didnt know, someone who is introverted around strangers/acquiantances but extroverted around friends is called an ambivert LOL. Like me :p also im sensitive to being excluded too you have no idea. We kin each other. I kin all my moots. Anyway hop you like this ! !!!!! Thank you for requesting :3

For the grand reveal, I match you up with....

` . < Bachira Meguru~! > . '

A/N: he is literally PERFECT for you.physical affectin? ✔ words of affirmation? ✔ loves yuforo you? ✔ Helps you wuth every single thing to exist? ✔ like wow. Anyway hope you like this

Loves how energetic you are

You guys can bounce off the walls together

You guys are actually probably high on sugar

He loves that youre selfless but he definitely stops you if you go too far

Imagine someones trying to take advantage of your kindess and hes just. Staring. at them. With that huge smile. And those scribble eyes.

Yeah he'll just scare them off

His giving love language probably physical touch so like. No worries. Hes a cuddlebug. He'd also definitely be very affirming with words. He compliments your everything.

You guys probably have races all the time just because you say youre fast. He probably introduces you to chigiri

Also he will always include if youre in a group.

Though lets be honest, you dont need anyone but him anyway

[hongtiddiez]

Not Me Episode 6 Music

so i'm probably not going to get totally caught up today because i'm starting to get tired and i still have my real job to do, but i'll do about 2 of these a day until i get caught up again.

when White and Sean are arguing about boundaries we see another appearance from Safeguard by Charles Holme - this could be a nod to White wanting to safeguard his friends.

Only Love Is Real - Todd Kessler

as White enters their room to find Sean sprawled on the bed this song kicks in. i'd post the lyrics but i don't know if they really have much relevance here (but it is a beautiful song)

Break Me (Kevin Faltin Remix) - Wholm, Michael Shynes, Kevin Faltin

OUGHGHGHGH. so like, for my taste in music this isn't my fave BUT the song is so good for the mood. this comes in after their big talk, Sean's in his cups and White starts getting ready for bed.

One more wine and one more whiskey We just kept the car in park And dimmed the headlights so we see the stars Let em tell us where we should start And I'm scared as hell Because there's no way to know how this goes But I can't help but say I promise to give you my all But it might break me (Break Me)

i really think this is where the boys start having some serious feelings for one another - whether they recognize they're romantic or otherwise i can't really say, and i think this is where they're beginning to trust and lean on each other a little more. the lyrics of this song are just chef's kiss. neither of them knows how this is going to go, how it might hurt them, and they're both just scared young adults trying their best.

Live Long and Prosper - Bonn Fields

as Sean argues with the police in his memories this plays. it's a haunting tune that really captures so much of what this scene is.

This is My Love - Daniel Pratt

oh holy shit. i had always wondered where this song plays and now that i know i am changed. i can never not know. oh it hurts, it's so good, it's so brilliant.

this song plays as Sean gives White the candy to replace the taste of the bitterant. we don't hear any of the lyrics but Sean's actions really replace the lyrics in their own way. (i'm having shrimp emotions @timetoboldlygo !!!) {i do think this might be a religious song btw, but we can ignore that part of the song bc i said so}

Tender and kind, built over time This is my love for you Steady and pure, patient and sure This is my love for you

BECAUSE THAT'S HOW SEAN SHOWS LOVE!! HE CARES AND HE'S KIND AND TENDER AND -- OH I'M NOT OKAY, SEAN IS SHOWING HIS LOVE

when Sean and White are arguing and Sean asks White to give him some encouragement we get another appearance from Flares by Life in Colour

Dylan Thomas/Bitter Bitter - The Duke of Norfolk

i'm coming UNGLUED IN THE SERVER. this song plays as Gram confesses to Yok that he has felt love. "You're always with Black. You don't have time for anyone else."

Heavy the rain doth pour and heavy the tongue. The light does miss the forested face. Bitter, bitter the pendulum swung Bitter, bitter the pendulum swung Open the sky for me and cut out the heart the fruit does spoil the children’s laughter Bitter, bitter the blackest of arts ‘Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright’ the sun does try despite the shadow Bitter, bitter ‘the dying of the light’ Bitter, bitter the dagger in the fight

oh i'm peeling apart at my seams. like, yes, sure, this could apply to Gram's feelings for Eugene but for it to be playing when Yok mentions Black???

the sun does try despite the shadow Bitter, bitter ‘the dying of the light’

is.. is Gram the sun? he tries despite the fact that the shadow (Black) never looks at him? he's bitter because the light, his feelings, are dying in his chest? hmm?? MAYHAPS? (im probably just seeing what i want to see but FUCK YOU FOR MAKING THIS SONG PLAY its one of my favorites)

Chaos at the Spaceship - Out of Flux

the perfect song title for the iconic scene of Yok brandishing the flares. that moment is really just one of the moments of all time in this show, an absolute favorite, and absolutely pure chaos.

I'll Understand - Roza

one of the best choices lyric wise in this entire show, in my opinion. as Sean is choking White and walks away from him (in the next episode) this song plays with it's apt lyrics.

The end of the world at the palm of my hand When it all goes to hell, will you still be my friend? My face to the sea and my back to the land If you can’t come with me I’ll understand

the pain is unending and forever. i don't think i need to even say anything about how these lyrics tie in with the scene, it's pretty clear. OUCH.

alright thats all i have in me for tonight but i love you and im smooching you all

[ellecdc]

okay no pressure in answering this at all if you’re not comfortable but i’ve been having many Thoughts lately and i wanted to share them with somebody but nobody ik will listen and you’re my favorite blog

i’m on summer break from college right now which means i don’t have a constant stream of Things To Do, so i have a lot of free time, which i usually spending thinking about the marauders (guilty)

but since i’ve been home (abt 3 weeks) ive been getting super overwhelmed in the fandom, not bc of anybody but because i have so much Love for content. like i love the fandom so much and i love fics and fanart and edits and stuff like that, and i don’t think i have a limit

i feel like i spend too much time engaging in the community, or even just thinking about characters (primarily the Noble House of Black lol) and i don’t get me wrong, i love it so much, but almost to a point where it’s overwhelming and i get emotional randomly and sometimes i feel like that’s not normal?

like i feel like i might be genuinely addicted - i haven’t gone a day without opening ao3/tumblr/tiktok to see fandom content in a very long time and as much as i love to embrace that fact, i can’t figure out why that scares me so much

i hope this makes sense. i just needed to tell somebody because im starting to feel like something is wrong with me lol

like i said, no need to respond if you don’t feel comfortable. i just wanted to put it into words

I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with liking something ‘so’ much and being so invested in something as long as it’s not taking away/affecting the rest of your life?

If you’re still able to take care of yourself physically (showering, eating, sleeping, cleaning), and if you’re still able to enjoy your personal and social life (going to work/school etc, hanging with friends, engaging with family members), and it’s not hurting anyone (yourself or loved ones), then what’s the harm?

I literally cannot think about canon at all, I was telling my mutual this the other day - they’d asked me what my other mutuals told me about ATYD because they were thinking of reading it and I told them and literally felt sick to my stomach thinking about it afterwards 😅 like no, perhaps that’s not ‘normal’ but that’s also why I’m in fanfiction? I can’t watch TV shows or movies because I get too emotional and too invested that I can’t handle anything angsty or sad. So I spend time in fanfiction to kind of “fix” it for me, and it makes me happy!

When I was in my first degree probably ~19, I was going through a hard time and would go for walks with my dog like 3 times a day for almost 45mins-1.5 hours each time (so walking almost 3 hours out of the day) just so I could escape my present reality and live in my little daydreams I created for myself. I became so reclusive and was over exerting myself, under eating, not socializing and started getting emotional because I preferred my daydreams to my current reality

Sometimes that’s life saving for people so I am an advocate for people doing what they need to do to get by - BUT - for me, that’s when it became unhealthy

So no, i don’t think liking/loving fanfic “too much” is abnormal (maybe it is but then we’re all freaks here) and i don’t think it’s unhealthy unless you’re unable to care for yourself otherwise

[transgender-png]

sometimes having adhd sucks bc i find something that makes me happy and it makes me SO happy it's all i can think about and i wanna talk about it to my friends and everyone i meet because i love it so much and it makes me so happy!! but sometimes (most times, in my case) it's not something the others in my life really care about. and sure, maybe they like seeing me so happy, but they aren't happy from the thing like i am. they don't really wanna hear about it. and i think about that almost as much as i think about the thing making me happy. to enjoy something so much, and to so desperately want to share the joy it brings me, but knowing others really don't give a shit about it. or even just the fear that they don't care about it. i want to share this joy i have, but i don't, because rsd is a bitch and im so scared to annoy people or worse, make them mad or not want to talk to me, because all i want to talk about is my current hyperfixation. it's like being the weird kid in elementary school that liked the obscure toy or "cringey" tv show. wanting nothing more than to connect with others over this thing that makes you happy, but feeling their stares, hearing their whispers, knowing that they don't like it like you do.

im definitely probably not wording this very well. but it's a little heartbreaking. having something that brings you so much joy, but not having anyone to share that joy with. it's almost easier to just not have the thing at all.

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Hey, I was wondering if you could do a match-up for Harry Potter! Specifically the Marauders Era.

Female, She/They, Pansexual

Plus size!, but more thighs (and boobs) than anything, dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, i have glasses,

My personality is loving, patient, (surprisingly) smart and good at classes, but that's probably bc I'm determined and work hard- I can be really sassy though, nurturing, I have to stick to a semi strict schedule, forgiving, and I guess caring, also im an ambivert!! (I just kinda looked up personality traits and went with what I thought fit me. Bear with me.)

Likes: Reading, writing, SWEATERS, school, candles, blankets, sour candy, chocolate, sunflowers, sunsets, the moon

Dislikes: When my schedule gets completely destroyed, sudden and really big change, people who chew with their mouth open, feeling really embarrassed and like everyone is judging me, olives,

Extra fun facts: I have chronic headaches, bad knee problems in my right knee 😍, if I have an assignment I will always do way too much for it

Hope that's okay and you're okay with doing this, and I hope i did it right!!! Sorry for any spelling mistakes :)

Annos, please never apologize for spelling errors, lol. I don't know if you've read my posts, but I can not spell either. I am incredibly reliant on Grammarly, and my partner makes fun of me for it regularly.

Also, does anyone else pretend/feel like that lady from Mulan when they do these matchups? No, just me. Aight, I'll be in the corner now.

~~~~~MATCH UP~~~~~

Annon, I must match you with the sweetest boy of the tricksters.

Remus Lupin

~~Headcanons~~

This man would bake you and buy you the best chocolates. He will curb your sweet tooth like no tomorrow.

He respects a girl who is not afraid to be herself, and if anyone tries to put you down and make you get in your head, he's not scared to be a big bad wolf ( see what I did there )

He loves it when you can put up with his three headaches. Wait, he means friends.

He would want to study with you all the time, so much so that James, Sirius, and Peter complain about missing their friend.

MANS WOULD WEAR MATCHING SWEATERS PROVE ME WRONG

Remus strikes me as the guy who will get you flowers just because, so expect to be showered with your favorites. However, he always forgets that he should buy you flowers on a holiday.

Though he is afraid of the full moon, watching the skies with you any other time has become an enjoyable pastime, especially to see you light up.

When he has to hide away for the full moon, he makes you a goodie basket to 'remember' him by till he comes back.

If you are ever feeling unwell or hurt, he will carry you up to his dorm and make you comfy in his bed. He will get you all the fixings to cure your ailments. I'm talking hot water bottles, heavy blankets, blackout curtains, water, pain medicine, and, of course, cuddles.

~~~~~Blurb~~~~~

You sat in the library waiting for Remus to arrive for your study date. As you finished your potion essay for him to look over, an exhausted, panting Sirius appeared before you. You looked up at him, amused, "Y/N, I am telling you we need him for Quidditch. Please, please, tell him to skip Hogsmeade this weekend." As Sirius was begging, he got down on his knees.

Around the corner soon came James looking almost as exhausted as the other boy in front of you. You chuckle into your hand, knowing that the Librarian will soon grow tired of the Maurder's antics. "Boys, you know he is his own person, right? What makes you think I have any say." You looked at the boys innocently. With a scoff, Sirius stood, wrapping his arm around James' shoulder. "Y/N, the man is so in love with you that he talks to you in his dreams. Of course, he will listen to you."

Before you could open your mouth again, James and Sirius were on the floor, this time due to a perfectly timed nudge to the back of their knees. Remus looked up at you and smiled softly, "Hi, my sweet. I brought you some treats." Placing down your candy, which he knew you favored, he sat across from you, ready to study.

James popped up from the floor, "Look, Y/N, he's even wearing a matching jumper with you! We have asked to match as a group of friends for ages. You can't tell me this man isn't whipped." You laughed at the remark, watching Remus nudge the back of James' knee again, causing him to collapse.

~~~~~EXTRA~~~~~

(You are looking up at the stars with the whole friend group. Your head is placed in Remus' lap. Peter is asleep lounging on the grass. Sirius, James, and Lily are all leaning back, looking at the stars.)

Y/N: Do you think that when the first people watched the stars, they thought they were crazy when they started moving each night.

Sirius: Wait, do the stars move each night?

James: I thought it was the moon that moved.

Lily: Sometimes it amazes me how you two breathe on your own.

Remus: (rubbing his temples, feeling the headache coming on) I'm glad someone else said it.

I hope you enjoy!!

[mrfoox]

People showing interest and consistent interest in me always makes me worried... Wish my mind wasn't this way

[borderline-culture-is]

(Long vent that may mot be ordered right or make sense bc im tired rn)

I’m so fucking done with this life tbh. Like from the bottom of my heart. I wish i can kill myself but im too scared. Thats that damn problem though, im still forcing myself to suffer because im a coward, i cant even make ip my mind to end it. I cant get therapy, or any type of medication because my parents dont care enough to notice even tho my symptoms are very bad. and even when i become an adult, id probably not be able to. I have no dreams for the future, i have no money, nothing. ill probably have to live with them for way longer. And im still not going to be able to kms ofc, im going to live very long and THATS THE PROBLEM. I cant fucking tell snyone irl about my mental issues because im too ashamed. In fact, im so fucking embarrassed that i fake a personality everyday to make myself as perfect as possible. Everyone thinks im really nice, kind, and patient. When in fact im really a fucking shitty person who just pretends to be cool and shit. All because im too fucking embarrassed to admit im mentally ill. How could anyone like me for who i actually am?? Hell, I cant even admit im autistic, even though its nothing to be ashamed of. I just know my parents will laugh at me and id rather die than hear it from them

Im at my fucking limits everyday, and im tired all the time even if notbing even happened. I have anxiety attacks weekly for no reason at all, and no one knows. I hate being this good at masking.

I cry in my room all the time, and sometimes i have to force myself to let it out because im so numb. I hate it when im breaking down and my parents are in the kitchen laughing and enjoying themsleves like its just another day.

I feel so apathetic and nihlisitic. I have felt lonely my entire life because i cant relate to anyone. I know people only like the person they see on the surface, not the person i am inside

Ive told many people online about my issues, and i dont know if its not helping much or im too numb to feel any good emotions. But either way, ive realised that it might hurt me too. Im just normalising living this way more because im able to vent to people without actually getting any professional help. And this is just one out of the billions of unhealthy coping mechanisms i have. But i have no other choice. I need to cope somehow because i cant get treatment, and if these mechanisms dont work, i need to try harder and make myself more ill. Its not like i can be fixed anymore, so oh fucking well.

yesterday, my parents confronted me abt how i always looked tired, they asked me if i was being bullied at school. That pissed me off. Why?? Have they ever took the time to realise they maybe theyre the ones causing it?? No, i am not being bullied, and the only reason for that is my good masking skills. Do i need to get bullied to be ill enough? Am i still not bad enough for you to care??

-🌟

.

[little-creature-business]

TRANS SANJI RAMBLE!!

I am an enjoyer of headcanons and WILL and HAVE headcanoned the straw hats and other characters with different/conflicting headcanons bc you wanna know why?? I can make different universes and versions of them bc DAMN a lot of these headcanons are hella good

Though I will say, as an enjoyer of headcanons, I am in a drought of transmasc Sanji stuff <\3 I DUNNO IF IM LOOKING IN THE WRONG PLACES OR NOT qwq

+before anyone says, I adore transfem Sanji w all my heart and I am glad she gets the representation bc WOW a lot of people are clever w the stuff they come up will, I really do love it and a lot of you even think of things I would’ve never thought about !! ^o^ jus a little bummed out there’s not as much transmasc Sanji content bc as soon as I saw him on screen I was like “the radar is going off”

ps if you read this far, transmasc Sanji headcanons (hear me out, most likely ooc) (also zosan)

I have been thinking about them SOOO MUCH tbh.. Sanji doesn’t feel 100% while cooking because of cramps?? You bet Zoro will notice and try and help out best he can in the kitchen despite how many times he would get kicked and/or yelled at..

sparring?? Sanji feel miserable and always thinks Zoro is going easy on him so he accidentally blurts it out one time while they are going at it and Zoro is just like “No lmao??” And might reveal smth about Kuina.. and then Sanji cries about it because even in smth like sparring he’s seen as equal to him

I think during WCI (I have not.. watched it yet teehee) while Sanji sees his brothers + sister again they’re all like “what the fuck happened to you” and Sanji is all high guarded about it but says he’s trans and he’s a guy now and they’re all like “oh ok, anyway-“ and it goes on like normal but they respect him (please pleaseeee)

Sanji while he’s with Zeff,, ofc Zeff is like “well now I got an 8-9 year old daughter to take care of” and Sanji doesn’t mind at first because he doesn’t exactly know what he’s feeling but he knows that being called “daughter” doesn’t feel right. I feel like he would discover later on what being trans meant from a frequent customer and he’s all happy because!! Wow he found out!! What best describes him!! And the next time he talks to Zeff he’s all like “so you know that regular we get through the door?” And then tells Zeff and Zeff is all like “well then, I’m happy either way for you, do you want your hair cut or different clothes?”

Running with ideas,, Sanji would probably be scared of taking testosterone/one piece equivalent because of the needles if they didn’t have a gel form. Which is why awhile after chopper joins he asks the little reindeer about it..

I also have a feeling Sanji would be afraid of surgery?? He wants to get top surgery but the idea is SO scary to him,, so he ops for binding,,

Mainly Zoro but also the crew has to remind him to not bind for too long since he can get caught up in cooking, Zoro will ALWAYS ask him to take whatever he binds with off before they spar/fight not wanting to let the cook hurt himself

this is it this is the post (I’m so mentally I’ll)

[szayelapowo]

fuck i know what i am now i finally figured it out

originally i thought i was a hellhound that tried to escape hell and was punished by being born into this sick diseased human body, but that never felt quite right. or at least not the first part. the second part is sort of right though.

what i actually am is a rogue church grim. i was a normal dog at first. i had an owner but he betrayed me by burying me alive in a newly built graveyard. then after i became a ghost i found out what happened and that i would be forced to protect the humans that were buried there after me and i was pissed. i thought my owner cared about me. i thought i could trust humans but i was wrong so i decided i wasnt gonna do what they wanted. why should i be forced to guard humans after what they did to me?

my memories are still pretty hazy and theres a several hundred year gap between when that wouldve happened and when i was born into this existence but i remember being stuck and miserable there for a while. i had another owner at some point though. like an evil thing, not human. i could shapeshift into a red dragon and white cat (and maybe other things?) for some reason too. what i think happened was the evil thing gave me that power and freed me from being bound to the cemetery, but in exchange for that freedom and power i had to agree to eventually be reborn as a severely disabled human (as punishment for the intense hatred i had of them).

idk what will happen after i die again. ig probably ill go to hell. was it worth it? idk but at least i got to meet szay, so yeah ig maybe it was. i just hope i can stay with him after bc hes my owner now and always will be.

but it all makes too much sense.

a) why i havent died yet despite the ridiculous amount of diseases i have. its because im not allowed to die, my punishment hasnt ended yet. i guess it wont end even when my body finally gives out since my hatred and negativity are only getting stronger the more pain and trauma i experience. i was born a month early and almost died at three days old. i should have, the doctors said i would likely have brain damage (i do). only reason i survived was because i hadnt fulfilled the agreement with the evil thing yet.

b) why i hate humans and never trusted them. i know there are good ones out there but how would i know which ones they are when the one i thought was good fucking murdered me? so i just dont allow anyone to get too close because how do i know they wont do it again? i cant trust anyone.

c) why im obsessed with the idea of being someones pet, of having an owner (szay now). because thats how it was before the pain started, when i felt loved. and then again after that, but that was a more negative experience.

d) why i refuse to take orders from anyone except my owner/mate (szay). why i get so pissed off, violent, and suicidal whenever someone tries to tell me i "have to" do anything, especially cops or the government. id literally rather die again than be forced to do what they want just because they say so. they have no right to make me do anything. if they threaten me with imprisonment for refusing then ill just kms out of spite. fuck them all, theyre not my owners. only szay has that kind of authority over me.

e) why ive had nightmares since i was a toddler (maybe before that but i dont remember anything from this life before age 2-3) of humans trying to kill me and turning into a black dog or red dragon to either defend myself or escape.

ive also always had a natural instinct to growl and bite when humans look at me or get too close. even as a toddler, before the abuse and trauma started (or before i perceived it as that and it started affecting me emotionally anyway).

ive always been able to feel my claws, fangs, ears, tail, and fur, (and rarely wings) and my joints always hurt because theyre in the wrong places, (and my buttcrack constantly aches because my tail aint there gdi) but the feelings get more intense when im scared or pissed. i itch and feel invisible bugs on me all the time too, probably fleas? my guts always hurt too either because theyre built wrong or because im not supposed to be able to eat human food (but you can take my chocolate away from me when i die for good lmao)

that last part (the phantom body parts, pain, and bugs) i guess is probably hallucinations from being schizospec, but everything else is real. i know its not a delusion, its just what i was before this existence.

...this post is a mess im sorry. there was more i wanted to say but i forgot. the pain in my intestines and joints is getting bad again. ugh.