#Might be having a narc crash

[antiendovents]

more venting ... Eep kinda, I'm so sorry y'all put up with me , not exactly endo related tho, big TW in this one, please check tags for appropriate TWs

I don't really understand what's happening, am I crashing? Am I having some kind of melt down? I don't know. I just feel bad. Horrible. Like the entire world is so horrid and dark and that I'll never be able to be who I want to be. I don't understand this place and I don't think I ever will. I don't understand why people hate me, why they want me dead just for being me. I'm so scared. I feel like someone's going to kill me, like I will die before I even get the chance to be.. me. And everytime I tell someone they just fucking laugh at me, or try give me "logic". But I know that logically it is possible. I could get murdered and it's scary. I do not want to leave my house anymore. At all. It's literally my birthday and all I can think of is how fucked everything is and how I'm going to end up dead.

[t4t-dazai]

morning routine

[growling]

*average self-proclaimed safe space tumblr blog voice* I soooooo support people with schizophrenia that must be so hard to you anyway I just saw some weird looking woman talking to herself right outside my house im fearing for my life should I call the cops. Yeah dude I support all the adhd havers in the chat just try to pay attention when I talk to you it's not that hard it's like the least you could do to show some regard for the other human being in front of you. Like it's fine to have memory problems but why did you forget this one thing in particular that was important to me do you like not care or anything you should try harder. I am one of the only real mental health advocates to still exist in this world I hear your struggles that being said I hope I never get to meet one of those irl sociopaths or people with aspd whatever they call them now they're so freaky and they can blend into society so well you might never know if you're actually face to face with an actual socio i mean person with aspd in the store absolutely one of my biggest fears what if they torture me in their basement. I absolutely empathize with all the people in here suffering from delusions as long as they like, don't actually show it or have one concerning me that'd be highkey uncomfy leave me out of this dude im not talking to you until you get help, anyway my fav character from my anime just presumably died but i still think they actually survived im sooo delulu lol. We should push for more wheelchair accessibility in our cities I agree but like it's so difficult to tell how many people are actually disabled and who are actually faking it, like, ummm why did that "wheelchair" "user" guy stand up just now cover blown lmaoo…. Yeah I support people with facial differences but I still have a right to be disgusted you can't control my emotions anyway can you tag your selfies as #body horror this deeply triggering to me. Speaking of triggering can you also pleaseee hide your scars or at least warn us beforehand jesus do you know how many people genuinely do not want to see it. Here is my extremely fast strobing lights and flashing gifset #epilepsy. Yeah I loveee girls with bpd beautiful princess disorder am i right they're so interesting the stigma sucksssss i'd love to get to be one's favourite person as long as they don't actually have any of those weird or violent symptoms or don't go into any of their "episodes" near me like that's a bit dramatic….. I deeply feel for those who had underwent narcissistic abuse from the hands of an npd I think my shitty ex boyfriend was a narcissist too tbh #surviving narcissism here are 10 signs you are dealing with a narcissist and here's a tutorial on how to trigger a narc crash to epically own them anyway does anyone else think we should start enforcing mandatory castration of all the newly diagnosed narcs like you know what happens when they reproduce right. But I am willing to support them as long as they go to therapy to get that fixed it's just you know. Anyway sometimes hospitalisation is fine if they're genuinely a danger to themselves like what do you want them to go live on the streets or actually get help?? I support all the people dealing with being a professionally diagnosed disordered system and I think it's sooooo terrible how literally 99% of the youth population nowadays is purposefully faking it for attention I did my research (1 minute google search, 2 minute r/fakedisordercringe scrolling session and consulting a single system that agrees with me). It's just not believable to me that there's really that many people with it isn't it supposed to be rare… Also are we really sure all those alleged people in their heads are really real or just their imagination maybe all of them are actually faking it huh food for thought. I am very uncomfortable with nonverbal high support needs ppl actually having sex like consent is supposed to be explicitly verbal only and, are we really sure they can even consent arent they like basically children. You can't call me ableist I'm literally autistic

[sparkly-sediment]

Tf2 Mercs Weedequitte

Asks are open my little giggle biscuits!

Scout

He hands that joint back WET

Slobber dripping off the sides, the tips cold when you go to take a puff, and you can see the corner of his mouth glisten

If Scout ever got high he would have munchies and get scared. He would have to go outside and walk around, maybe even hug a tree for comfort

Coughing and gagging in the most annoying way possible. Like that one cat picture with its protruding tongue and watery eyes void of complex thought

Scout couldn’t handle a bong. Just couldn’t. Stick to a cold can of bang! He might try to make a bong outta a bang can, but he won’t figure it out

Soldier

Do not give him weed.

Do not give him anything.

Dont give him any drug hes insane nuts bonkers and, yes, even bananas

He took acid once by mistake. Ended up in Europe a year after the war ended

Soldier is borderline on a good day but king will spiral into a drug induced psychosis. There will be bugs, skin, and a whole lot of paperwork for Medic

Wouldn’t even smoke he’s a total fucking narc too

Says devils lettuce

Demoman

Uses every weed euphemism known to man

Mary J is his fav. Kush, grass, gas, doubie, all of them

Approaches Sniper while the poor bastard making his trek between camper and civilization. Demo does an insinuating chuckle and says, ‘let’s make love to that wee lass Mary J’

Sniper starts running

He prefers drinking but this guy smoked some grass back in the day. Doesn’t fuck around and can pass a blunt without falling out

In half baked, Demo is the guy who gets munchies and accidentally kills the horse

Will smoke with Sniper and always provides what he can or hits a curtesy role, but he doesn’t pursue weed much and if snipes didn’t share, probably wouldn’t smoke

It does help the pain from his missing eye!

Pyro

One time, he got wild.

Pyro burned down an entire pot grow and was absolutely spazzing off that za rolling his way down the mountain

They were on the astral plane the entire hike down. Pyro crashed through the trees, crawled, laughed hysterically, cried, and vomited. Pyro drank water from a creek thinking it was the fountain of immortality

Pyro befrinded a squirrle named Banabo Jo. He knew Jo and knew his people were wise and brave. Banabo Jo recognized Pyro’s mystical capabilities and ability to see beyond, thus creating a mutual respect and brotherhood.

Banabo Jo guided Pyro from the mountain top and into the Heart of the Valley. He watched over as Pyro awaited rescue and gave the sacred squirrel farewell through the van window

(hypersensitive to drug induced psychosis)

Heavy

Rolls a blunt on Medic’s back and smokes it while they fuck

Smokes weed but only pipes. Very rarely will roll with paper, typically in the aforementioned situation

He can do some of the smoke tricks like puffing out O’s. He cannot french inhale and tbh has a chronic stuffy nose 😏

Medic

Wholeheartedly believe in and support the usage of medical marijuana

Smoked a little weed in university, but his classmates were too scared of him to invite him to the smoke sesh

He kinda gives off narc vibes!! Completely chill though, unless he could gain from blackmailing you

Asks if Sniper wants to puff and Sniper is shocked! Medic uses pompous words like oder tho and not the German oder

Arches his back so Heavy can sprinkle some flower on him for the roll-hole ritual

Engineer

Scene in Top Gun, “we’re in the spirit world asshole!” HIM OKAY HIM

Builds intricate and sick as fuck bong structures, dab rigs, and some real crazy stoner shit.

He love getting blazed and tinker with something, but that did cost him the tip of his pinkie finger

He’s a lightweight and really just skims a hit or two and bounces

Totally hotboxes that fucking workshop

Spy

He’s a classy kind of smoker

No weed inside, at least not his house. Very discreet about it and even if he was just in the world’s foggiest hotbox, he would never snell like week

No weed smell ever it’s incredible

Mainly sticks to cigarettes but he will smoke with Sniper.

Smoking, whether it be weed or cigarettes, is a form of foreplay for them fr

He never has cotton mouth either

Sniper!!

Save the best for last bc he is a canon pothead

Sniper just tries to be a chill guy. Go to work, fire a gun, smoke some weed. Would he like more? Sure. But is he okay where he’s at? Good enough

The first to discover his gardening habit was Spy. The whole breaking and entering thing really gives away secrets

Sniper has SO MUCH TEA. Various team members come to him and smoke, which is cool with him. He prefers when they replenish his stash, though. Or at least give him something in return

When they smoke they also complain. Inhibitions are dropped and suddenly Sniper knows that Demo is pissed at Medic for not letting him drink rubbing alcohol, every though Demo knew it would kill him, because he and Pyro were trying to light a burp on fire

He only enjoys smoking with Spy and Ms. Pauling. Pauling is fun and they talk mad shit together, maybe do something stupid on a minor scale

Spy and Sniper venture into the bush if yk what im saying. Weed is just kinda a plus but Spy can get too zesty sometimes

[artofhazbinhotel]

Hazbin hotel headcannons

I think Valentino is genderfluid and just doesn't know it

Vox is autistic and stims by jumping up and down or picking people up, his hyperfixation is sharks (I'm autistic)

Vox isn't a picky eater but his favorite thing to eat is burgers, he isn't a good cook though so he makes others do it for him

The reason Adam always folds his wings at his sides is to make himself look skinnier

Charlie has hyper empathy and that's why she struggles so much with accepting some people just can't be helped (I understand this)

Alastor has ASPD, not because he's a serial killer, that's a horrible stereotype, but because his emotions are limited and he has trouble understanding others so even if someone is his friend he might unintentionally hurt their feelings, his sadism has absolutely nothing to do with the not caring about most, maybe it's because he likes seeing so clearly what the other person feels? Rosie is one of the only people he genuinely cares about (my boyfriend has this and agrees)

Vox has NPD, it can cause extreme jealousy when your ego feels attacked, and the reason he humiliated himself on TV was that exact reason, feeling worse, Alastor has probably sent him into a narc crash several times but most of it as spent on a high, it stems from low self esteem masked with pride and indifference (my boyfriend has NPD and agrees)

Now for the controversial one that I still agree with, I think Valentino has BPD, people have said that Bipolar or NPD is also an option but saying NPD feels like just feeding into narc abuse claims. As for bipolar, the difference between BPD and bipolar is the length of episodes, BPD has rapid mood swings while bipolar ups and downs can last months, we see Valentino switch up his emotions within seconds constantly. BPD can also cause anger, jealousy, and obsession, I think angel is his FP and that's why he immediately assumed he's abandoned the second he moves out and flies into a rage and why he has the need to always have control over him (I have BPD)

Angel is hypersexual as a result of his trauma and I know people shit on the portrayal of how he acts but not every single SA survivor becomes sex repulsed, some have the opposite reaction where they intentionally sexualize themselves because they think that's all they're good for or that if they aren't doing that they're doing something wrong, I like that there's finally representation for that, characters who are overly sexual flirts don't usually have a psychological explanation

Lucifer is autistic and bad at social cues, his hyperfixation is ducks. He also has depression that stemmed from his divorce

Velvette is bisexual

[clusterrune]

Narc Supply

a list of things that could be a narc supply! things pw npd find give them a narc high.

explaining a narc supply - masterpost - compliment generator

Personalized Praise

compliments that are personal to the person theyre directed towards

compliments that include facts or interests

compliments that are more than just the generic "i like (your appearance)"

praises about a persons skillset, created content, something they put even the slightest effort into

praises for help of any kind

complimenting something theyre good at and/or passionate about

praises for being knowledgeable about a topic

these can be very different depending on the person, some like the usual "good job im proud of you" and some prefer very high title praises like "youre a god/royal!"

Attachment / Emotional Feedback

some gain a high when they get certain reactions out of people

hate asks, love confessions

when someone has some sort of feelings towards them it helps them feel wanted and/or at the center of someones focus/attention

some prefer positive over negative feedback, some see negative feedback like hate mail as a sign they've reached popularity of some sort, some are neutral.

some narcs find people gaining an attachment to them as a supply

Break The Record

some narcs see reaching a goal as a supply

this can be reaching a new high score on a came

beating their own records

or beating other people's scores

getting ahead in a competition, even if it wasnt a competition to begin with, beating that goal they set can give them a high

Comforted

some might look for comfort media

listening to music or watching something they find comfort in

art or fanart they find comforting

comfort characters

all can help recover from a crash in a soothing way.

Perceive Me

people telling them how theyre perceived as an individual

especially if its in detail and can contain praise

knowing how one is perceived either by strangers or those theyre close with, can be someones supply

a narc supply can be anything, ranging from anonymous hate to being told someone's proud of you, to being given a little affection and even something akin to being worshiped or feared and it can be more than one of these at a time.

feel free to share any resources, tips or anything that works for you that i have not yet listed!

[cringefailroboguy]

Okay narc abuse this narc abuse that

How bout y'all share your favorite ways to cope with a crash

Here are some of mine

1. I join close knit communities involving my interest/s and am active in them frequently. After a while, the people start recognizing me and when I share something I'm proud of (even if I made it pre-crash) some people will notice and comment on it, which boosts my confidence a little! My art means a lot to me and I tie most of my self worth on it, so people complimenting my art by extension compliment me too. You don't have to be an artist for this, just doing anything you're good at and you love and having people notice this might help you feel a bit better

2. When I'm having a somewhat minor crash (or right after a major crash when I've ridden it out and am feeling a bit better) I go on sprees where I do good stuff for people, I give money to the homeless, I buy gifts for my family members, I compliment a stranger etc, people usually notice this and thank me for it which also helps me feel a bit better about myself (note - I do these things one and off without crashes, but I usually binge-do-good when I'm feeling especially low hahaha) (dunno how much this one works about actually upping your ego, but I personally tie worth as a concept to being a good person, so actively and provably being a good person immediately helps me with perceiving my worth as a human being)

3. Tumblr drafts 😭😭😭😭😭 I've noticed that journaling and venting in my notes doesn't help because nobody sees it and the lack of attention makes me get even worse, and venting to people drives them away from me and makes me uncomfortable so I've avoided venting and I bottle up my emotions a lot which usually actually drives me into a crash in the first place. So I started writing and formatting my vents as actual tumblr posts that I'm totally planning to post, and I tag them and everything, but then I save them as drafts. This way, for some reason, my brain sees this as "yes. You will now post about what's bothering you and many people will see this and like and reblog this!!! You'll be so noticed and cool and get so much attention!!!" Which makes me feel better in the moment, except as I get better I forget about the drafted post so I also simultaneously save my privacy while I'm at it looollll

I mean arguably, all of these are for some mild-er crashes and usually for some bigger ones I don't really have a coping mechanism so I just lie in my bed, shake and feel cold for weeks until I finally get the energy to get up, but honestly even if I can make it a little bit easier for me, I will

Anyway feel free to share your favorite coping methods too!

[drh3nryj3kyll]

Redesigned the Plushie Dreadfuls narc plushie let's GOOOO

You probably can't read the notes so ummm

Crown to symbolize grandiosity and feelings of superiority.

Patches to represent how narcissists have to recover from crashes and how we have to constantly "patch up" our fragile ego from any threat to it.

Broken mask for how the egos of pwNPD is a front to cope with our severely fragile egos and self-esteem, but it's cracked and broken because the mask might not always be so efficient.

I put a broken heart to symbolize our fragile ego and poor self-esteem too!!

And of course, a daffodil to reference Narcissus!!

[narcissism-awareness]

Do you have any advice on how an egotypical person could help a friend or partner with NPD who is going through a narc crash?

This is the type of comfort I'd like to receive during a narc crash, but everyone might be a little different. If other pwNPD want to add on that's welcomed!

Remind them how much you value them. During narc crashes we can't see the value in ourselves, so it might help to hear it coming from someone else.

Express your appreciation of them. This can be through compliments, gifts, or whatever else you prefer. This helps further remind them that they have value and that they are cared about.

Be open to talk or vent to. This one depends on your own mental state because not everyone can handle being vented at, but if you're in a good place mentally let them know that they can talk to you.

[miiilowo]

I have seen what they say about npd on Google but may I ask you for the truth or at least stuff people don't mention cause i have a feeling there is a ton of stuff they don't mention and they just focus on bullshit

Sorry if its worded weird I just wanna learn about npd from a better source

Ill start off by saying I'm not the best source since im just some dude who has it, but I dont blame you for asking me specifically, considering how most of the results when looking into NPD are very, very plainly abelist or misinformed. Hell, even some of the non-abelist sources have some things wrong with them.

Before I begin, I wanna get this out of the way (since its very common to encounter): 'narc abuse' isnt real. No illness or disorder will make someone abusive. Abuse is a choice, and is not something one can be born into; Claiming all narcissists are inherently abusive is incredibly abelist, and if someone tells you otherwise, either kindly inform them or beat them with hammers. Everyone is capable of kindness, and everyone is capable of abuse. There is no pattern of abuse that solely correlates to people with NPD. If someone is abusive, and they also happen to have NPD, thats an abuser who has NPD, not a narcissistic abuser. You know? While a disorder may contribute to choices people make, correlation is not causation.

I will say to anyone else reading this who has used the term before, or anyone who has used 'narcissist'/'narcissistic' to describe someone who hurt them--As long as you stop, I wont be mad at you. I know that for a lot of people, it simply doesn't occur to them that it might be hurtful. However, if you know about how it can be hurtful or abelist and you CONTINUE to use it, that's where we have a real issue.

A few people have asked how to refer to me as someone who has NPD, so ill also mention that here. while i dont mind being called a narcissist personally, a lot of people do Not like being called that. generally saying people with NPD or pwNPD for short is a safer bet.

ok, now that thats out of the way, heres some stuff i have tucked in my pocket. they should give you a decent enough idea of what its like, and if you have followup questions, absolutely feel free to ask!!! i dont mind helping de-stigmatize in any way i can. i wont think its annoying i prommy

National Library Of Medicine - NPD

Stigma in the DSM when it comes to how NPD is described (keep in mind for above link) - @/kindnessoverperfection

NPD criteria rewritten by someone who has it (explanations for changes also included) - @/kindnessoverperfection

Me responding to someone who asked what they can do to help out/accommodate living w someone w NPD. <- this one covers some of my personal experiences with it

Collection of resources and an explanation of ""narc supply"" - @/theegosystem

Perception of NPD symptoms vs. how someone may actually experience them - @/kindnessoverperfection

I'm not gonna go over every single symptom and how it affects me, but I do wanna talk about envy, entitlement and narc crashes because those are the things i tend to encounter the most often that are like. Actually Bad And Disordered. some of these traits arent really that bad (like being arrogant and having a big ego. if im constantly talking about how sexy and awesome i am idk how thats a bad thing TBH i recommend it for everyone. does wonders for the mental health. there is a bad side to it [which you can find in the links above] but in my experience its less prevalent of an issue than the stuff im ab to talk about)

For me PERSONALLY, its mostly a problem with ego regulation, and the perception I have of myself is HEAVILY reliant on how other people perceive me and how much positive attention I'm getting. If someone does not like me, it is absolutely devastating, far more than it should be for the average person (though i also suffer from RSD due to my other disorders so i dont imagine thats helping)

If I dont receive enough attention, receive too much negative attention, or am led to believe I'm not actually the specialest boy on planet earth who deserves to be picked up and spun around and kissed on the forehead it can lead to whats referred to as a 'narc crash', or just a crash. Whatever we've been telling ourselves to keep our ego intact has been shattered into pieces, and we'll get rather angry and depressed, though mostly depressed. (we as in people with npd). The length of the crash usually depends on the severity of what happened, and whats being done to amend it, as far as i can tell.

Small things that may contribute to a crash For Me (or just feeling sort of upset tbh) are not being the center of attention in a group conversation, not being perceived as being the Best at something, not being prioritized by other people, not being invited to do things (even if you KNOW you dont want to participate in the activity), and PEOPLE SENDING ME ANNOYING FUCKING ANONS ON TUMBLR (not you. youre fine. this is referring to other people) among other things. Just this general sorta. thang. will get under our skin more than most. like 100% of the time. there are an infinite number of examples, but these are a handful of the most consistent ones for me.

One other thing i want to highlight is the "Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations)" symptom. This is true but the wording is absolute dogshit. I do have a sense of entitlement; I feel like I deserve certain things, and i do heavily desire favorable treatment. However, I KNOW when those things are unreasonable. I know when it's unfair, I know when it's unrealistic, I know not everyone is going to be able to comply to my demands 100% of the time, but I really feel like the focus here should be on how UPSETTING it is when these things arent met vs how it sucks for other people. When I dont receive what i feel like i deserve, i just get. really sad and upset. I personally have the self control to not snap at people (usually; depends on if the infraction was fair or not), but the phrasing here makes it seem like if the person with npd isnt an asshole about it, then they dont have this issue. which is false. i shouldnt be worked up and wanting to cry because i didnt receive an award for something i know i dont technically deserve and didnt commit to. you know?????? idk. IDK man. (its this kind of thing that makes me INCREDIBLY competitive and its also why i never enter contests of any kind. if i dont win i will want to commit murder at a minimum. i am a sore loser)

Envy is also a big problem for me. I think (know?) that other people are envious of me and look up to me, but I'm envious of other people to like, what would be a friendship-ruining level if I actually expressed it all the time. Its an underlying sense of "i deserve this more than you, why are you receiving this, this isnt fair, this should be me instead" that becomes genuinely RAGE INDUCING when half the time its just like. someone telling me theyre going on a cool trip. lmao. like they dont have to be bragging they can just be like Hey check out this thing i get to do isnt that cool :3 bc they wanna share their happiness with me. it sucks. it really sucks. Hell, when I see my mutuals and peers receive fanart for their aus/ocs/etc i get so agitated i have to use xkits "block post" feature so i dont have to look at it LMAO

I do also wanna touch on the 'believes they are special and will only associate with special people or institutions' thing briefly, since its kinda vague. I like myself, and i'm only going to want to interact with people who are also "like me", because, to put it bluntly, i perceive them as being better. people who i cannot relate to get sorta. pushed to the side. and i dont want to say i look down on them, but thats the best descriptor i have for it; obviously, be kind to everyone above all else, but inside i WILL be annoyed by you if i perceive you as being boring and/or 'basic'. probably part of why i hate taylor swift fans so much TBH

Again, this description I've given is very personal, and may not wholly apply to other people w NPD--It also doesn't cover every trait/symptom, but is just a handful that I wanted to go over. Remember to check out the linked sources if you havent, and if anyone reading this has some extra links, I'd be happy to take them!!!! If you have any questions or need clarification on something, also feel free to ask :3

Edit: I feel like its important to note that while trauma is a common way for someone to develop NPD, (neglectful or abusive parents for example), its not the only way. theres a few different ways it can develop, and i personally did due to an excessive amount of praise in childhood, which is one of the more commonly listed causes. set up my brain to need that to function

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Politics makes the most sense to me because it’s an election year, she leaked plans for a disinformation infomercial, and she’s still trying to get in with the Democratic establishment. (I’ve noticed that she’s moved away from the White House - maybe her narc rage can’t handle the Bidens declining her self-invitation for a ride home on Air Force One after The Queen’s funeral and then leaking about it.)

Isn’t it more that the White House/the Bidens (and the Senate, the House, and the DNC lol) have moved away from Meghan? And who can blame them? The Clintons and Bezos with Lauren Sanchez were guests at the recent State Dinner for the Japanese PM and his wife, a big deal state affair. Just last year, Harry was waxing poetic about how he loved Japan and could see himself living there (when he and Nacho were there for Sentebale, I think?). In the not so distant past - and minus Megxit and its diplomatic fallout - the Sussexes might have been invited, too, but now? No way!

**************

The DNC/Democrats have never been interested in Meghan. Not once. Not in her Suits days, not in her royal girlfriend days, not in her Duchess days, not in her Megxit days. All the stories of Meghan being connected to Democrats (aka the lovebombing) have come from her. 

Not a single politician or political operative anywhere in the American government has ever once returned her call. Michelle Obama only did the Vogue interview as a favor but when Meghan crashed her book reading at the O2 arena, that was it. Game Over. Then later, when Meghan and Harry kept saying that the Obamas were advising them during Megxit, Michelle came out with a hard “no, we’re not” and the DNC listened. 

Then even later, when Meghan was lobbying for paid parental leave, she called the personal cell phones of several Senators - a huge no-no and several of them actually spoke publicly on the record about how inappropriate it was for Meghan to have done that, and she’s been cut off / iced out ever since. That was Strike Three.

And as far as Harry lovebombing Japan when he was there with Nacho last year, that’s nothing more than him trying to get Japan to host an Invictus Games.

They were never on the invite list for the Japan state dinner. They’re not on anyone’s invite list for a formal state / diplomatic occasion. The only way they’d get invited to a White House state dinner while living in California is if it was a UK state dinner (POTUS hosting King Charles) and Megxit had gone 100% the other way.

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

Hello handsome~ I think I might have NPD, as I can relate to most of the diagnostic criteria, but I've never had a narc crash; at least, I don't think so. Do all PwNPD have crashes? And, also, how would you define a crash?

Thanks in advance<3

Hi! I'm so sorry for the late response, I have no idea how this ended up getting so buried.

Not all pwNPD have crashes, and to my knowledge they're not even officially a part of the diagnostic criteria. I don't speak for everyone, but for me personally, it's when my false self-confident self, well, crashes and collapses, when I realize it's all fake. This typically comes from being ignored (whether it be me being ACTUALLY ignored or just be perceiving something that way), though it also can come from being insulted or devalued.

I typically experience something comparable to "splitting", going from being generally pretty happy with myself to hating myself. Typically other people cause my crashes (though not intentionally) and I end up "splitting" on them as well...like if someone ignores me or insults me or I think they are, I typically get really angry and isolate myself from them. Sometimes it's just an individual who I feel that way towards, sometimes it's a collective, like a group chat or my co workers as a whole, for instance.

I also experience "crashes" as a result of someone doing better than me and getting positive attention for it.

[velvetvexations]

youve talked abt this before i believe, and i dont want to come across as patronizing and if it sounds that way please don't take it to heart and feel free to ignore/shut it down

i think queer discourse has an addictive quality in the way that anger is addicting. i struggle with anger issues myself and this was something that was and still is really hard for me to balance. how much of my engagement in queer theory is actually in the theory vs how much of it is getting into arguments that are bad faith from the beginning with people who do not respect [insert discourse topic du jour here] as real theory or real people to begin with.

and that like. drags you fucking down, you know? i get anxious, all the time, and my partner has to be like "you need to take a break" for it to hit that im developing an unhealthy relationship with theory on tumblr, specifically. and that's even with me ACTIVELY AVOIDING tags related to t/ransandrophobia and exclusively engaging w it via people whos opinions i respect directly. it's way harder when you actively trawl those tags.

what im getting at is that to other people that trawl those tags the same way, the aforementioned Bad Faith Argument Havers, when they see you there frequently you get a reputation as someone who is looking for fights to get into. which is kinda shitty tbh on their end to then be like "i know who you are" all judgemental and shit when they at the Very Least also follow people that actively stir up shit in the tags on purpose. which isnt really what you do, you respond in kind, i think? or thats my perception of it, at least.

i guess tldr it may be good to check in w people who care about u every so often who can help pull you back when it's taking a serious hit to your health -- maybe you already have measures in place its not like i would know lol. but the people that have u preemptively blocked likely just dont want to see those arguments all the time (in which case they should unfollow the people Starting those arguments lmfao but what do i know)... i dont think its indicative that youre a Bad Person or whatever, its just a symptom of The Wretched Disk Horse

Thank you. <3 It just struck me as weird since they seem to have the same opinions about me on those subjects, I was going to reblog posts about them, so I just got really curious about what might have prompted it from two different people who seem to otherwise be on my side in the Discourse Trenches. It really could be something totally unrelated.

But earlier today I did get just a little self-conscious and start worrying about the way I talk or engage with things, that I was doing it in a way that annoys people or something, and I had a small narc crash over it. But that happens every other day, so no big deal there really. I'm definitely making way too big a deal about it either way. I'm just going to assume they disagree with my acerbic opinion of the Buu Saga and forget about it lol.

[npd-polls]

If you experience raging envy, has it altered your ability to be attracted to people?

(I'm defining raging envy as "envy that is so intense that you struggle to regulate it, resulting in shutting down /narc crash /emotional outbursts /other intense negative symptoms")

Yes, it hinders my ability to hook up or watch porn

Yes, it hinders my ability to form new attraction

Yes, it has diminished strong attraction I felt for someone

Yes, I avoid anybody that might make me envious

All/most of the above

Yes, I'm only attracted to those I envy

It used to, but not anymore :D

No

[imagoodone-iswear]

you think my username sounds pleading? think that makes me a beggar? have to disappoint you. it was a thought-out thing. i explain my reasons for my username here.

new pinned post; old one is buried somewhere.

25 year-old Genderfuck/NB Transmasc Individual. he/they.

we are a C-DID system with BPD + NPD + OCPD (+ other stuff) and this is our collective main PD Blog (mostly about cluster b but can include cluster a or c). here to document life with my PDs and a CDD from within europe.

(Sys blog only given out per dm request due to privacy)

this blog isnt run by a particular alter so experiences can vary (mostly nobody will tag). although sometimes our persecutors (and ASPD symptom holders) post here.

cluster a: [ ppd resources ] [ stpd resources ]

[ szpd resources ]

cluster b: [ npd resources ] [ bpd resources ]

[ hpd resources ] [ aspd resources ]

cluster c: [ avpd resources ] [ ocpd resources ]

tw for

shameful vents, blood, mentions of self-harm, npd crashes and the like (this is a pd blog so go figure)

we do not put a filter on our posts or things we talk about here so if you dont like it you can leave or block us.

minors DNI obviously (we are in our mid 20s and dont want to have too much to do w under 18s; might interact barely, if you seem similar to us or we take a liking/can relate to your blog. general rule is 17 and above, depends on blog and maturity; everyone below that should dni and possibly block us)!

also not liked on this blog are radqueers, radical feminists, radical-whateverthefuckelse, transID/transX idiots, endos, strict anti-psychs (frequently or only posting about psych abolition = dont fucking interact), and ppl against researched self-dx!!

also narc abuse believers can take a hike (but feel free to give me attention~, i love living rent free inside your head <3 ;)).

[yourlocalnpd]

Hellloooo i want to write an oc who has Npd and i was wondering if you had any tips/advice/things to avoid/things youd personally like to see in a character with npd or anything that could help me portray the character properly bc my intent, as someone who might have a cluster C pd, is to show that no matter what pd a person may have they are worthy of loved ones, human decency, healing and reassurance and all that good stuff :)) i hope thats ok with you, if not no problem. Have a nice day and thank you for your time :)))

first off thank you so much for the lovely ask, I wish you much luck with your writing! I'm so happy to hear you want to write such a positive NPD character.

My main tip would be external subtlety—portray symptoms as an internal struggle rather than something other people deal with. Oftentimes my NPD thoughts are almost intrusive, and sometimes the logic part of my brain will dispute them. A lot of NPD for me a lense with which I view the world, but not at all how I act. No one around me would guess I have these thoughts, but I'm certain that's not true for all narcissists.

Overall, when writing this character, think of NPD as a filter. They may perceive other people as "equal" (rare), "okay", or "lesser." The latter tends to be someone who doesnt meet the pwNPD's values. For example, I was raised to be a hard worker, so when people slump in group projects I tend to devalue them unconsciously. I'll treat them with respect regardless, but it's like a funhouse mirror in my brain when I think of them.

I would avoid making them the "mean cheerleader" trope. NPD is a very easy disorder to mask because of how much is focused on viewing the world a certain way. Crashes and highs are a big part of it; I will certainly be very loud and potentially annoying during a narc high, but it's very difficult to put me in a bad mood because I feel so good about myself. If anything bad happens then, its simply bad luck. On the other hand, during a crash, it feels like theres a god crushing you under their thumb, bringing bad things down on you on purpose. It's all a matter of perspective, but it's very difficult to change these mindsets.

Thank you again for your effort in doing it correctly, I'm sure with your consideration it'll be just fine. Much appreciated, and good luck with the cluster c stuff! Let me know if you have any other questions <3