#NOPE LET'S TO ANGST my brain said

[the-boy-meets-evil]

not according to plan | hjs

summary: your ex-fiance is getting married and everyone you know is going to be there. when he calls to ask if you're coming, you accidentally mention a boyfriend. which would be fine, if you weren't very single. thankfully your best friend comes through with the perfect solution when he sets you up with a friend of his. what could possibly go wrong?

pairing: joshua x f.reader genre: fake dating, strangers to friends to ?? | fluff, slight angst, smut rating: explicit, minors DNI word count: ~22.1k notes/warnings: johnny suh as the ex-fiancee (sorry, he's not great in this), other idols born in '95 used as background characters, mentions of past cheating, food & alcohol, lots of "dates", reader is referenced as coming from a rich family, mention of being an escort (minus the sex?) smut warnings: making out, multiple smut scenes (kind of, it could be a continuation), multiple orgasms, teasing, they're both v obsessed with each other's bodies, protected sex, fingering, nipple play, oral sex (f. receiving), scratching/marking, squirting, overstimulation, use of lube, i think that's it (but let me know if it's not)

author's note: this fic is dedicated to the lovely @shuadotcom, i'm so sorry it took me literal months to finish fake dating!joshua but here we are anyway. i'm not sure how this one got so away from me either lmao. banner credit to the beautiful @wongyuseokie who (again) did this very last minute. thank you to @wonwussy & @kwanisms for the mid-fic beta. thank you to @wooahaeproductions, @horanghater, @cheolism, & @hannieween for listening to me talk about this and helping with things like petnames & dates.

taglist at the end (& join my permanent taglist here)

“It’s fine, it’s been years and I’m over it. Plus, I’ve been seeing someone anyway and he’s great. So I wasn’t ignoring your invite,” you say without a second thought. 

It’s just a stream of consciousness. The lie comes flying out of your mouth faster than your brain can process it. That’s exactly what it is, too. A lie. You’re not seeing anyone and haven’t been in a serious relationship since the person on the other end of the call broke your heart. 

“Oh, wow, sorry, I didn’t mean to…well, I didn’t know. My mom didn’t say anything when she said she had spoken to your mom about whether or not you were coming to the wedding,” Johnny says with a little bit of ramble. 

“You know how my mom can be, I haven’t had the chance to tell her yet,” you deflect. 

“I’m happy for you, then,” Johnny says. 

“Thanks, I’m happy for you, too,” you force out. Somehow, it doesn’t sound like the lie you know that it is.

“So, it’s not weird, then? I mean our moms are best friends, so the rest of your family is all going to be there. A lot of your friends will be there. I know you haven’t RSVP’d yet, but…” Johnny starts.

“Nope! Not weird at all,” you utter, hoping that your voice sounds even. “It’d be weirder if I wasn’t there, right?” 

“Probably, yeah,” Johnny says. “That’s great, though. Do you want me to mark you down as a yes? I can even add a plus-one, if you want to bring your partner.” 

“That’s so thoughtful, but I wouldn’t want to put you out. I know how expensive weddings can be,” you say and try to sound sincere.

“No, it’s no issue, actually. We have a few extra seats that we left just in case we forgot someone or didn’t know about someone’s partner,” Johnny presses. “So we’ll see you both there?”

“Yeah, you will,” you hurry out. This conversation needs to be over. 

It’s only an hour after hanging up with your ex-fiancee that your mom calls to tell you she can’t believe she had to hear it from Mrs. Suh that you’re dating someone. Which includes a whole lot of deflecting and promises about when she can meet this mystery man. Another twenty minutes after you hang up with your mom, you get a pointed text from your younger sister. The two of you haven’t ever been all that close, so she shouldn’t be surprised that you haven’t mentioned him. She made her side pretty clear when she maintained her friendship with Johnny’s new fiancée. That new fiancee, a close friend of your sisters, also just so happened to be the girl he cheated on you with. So, she can hardly expect to have a close sister bond. Yet, she seems oddly suspicious that she didn’t know you were seeing someone seriously. 

Your quiet Saturday afternoon turns into a full blown headache all thanks to one call from the asshole that you really thought you left in the past. Of course, now is the perfect time for him to pop back up. Now, when you’re even between any sort of casual sex. Now, when you don’t even have someone that you can call up to pretend to date you. This is going to be one of the worst calls that you have to make when you have to admit you made it all up, that you will absolutely not be showing your face at the wedding, and you will also be changing your name before moving away.

For now, you do the only thing that you can think of doing. You call the only person that can give you any perspective on this whole fucking disaster. 

“Well hello,” your best friend answers. 

“Jeonghan, I fucked up,” you say without preamble. 

“This is gonna be good,” he responds. 

“I just got off the phone with my mom,” you begin.

“What did she want?” he asks, knowing that it won’t be anything good.

“Well, you know, to talk about this new boyfriend of mine,” you continue.

“You haven’t dated anyone in forever,” Jeonghan chuckles. 

“Thank you for that,” you snark. “And then, of course, I get a text from my perfect sister wondering why she’s also just hearing about this boyfriend of mine.” 

“Why do your sister and your mom think you’re dating someone?” Jeonghan asks.

“Oh, well, you know. Johnny called today,” you offer.

“Fuck that guy,” Jeonghan interjects.

“He wanted to know why I hadn’t responded to his wedding invite and assumed it was awkward because I was single, so I told him I was seeing someone,” you finally finish.

“For fuck’s sake,” Jeonghan says into the silence and you can imagine his face.

“Right? My life is a fucking mess and now Johnny thinks that I’m bringing my boyfriend,” you groan.

“I’ll start planning the story for why you suddenly left town,” Jeonghan says. 

“For real, my life is over,” you whine.

“What are you gonna do?” Jeonghan asks softly. 

This is really why you called him. Jeonghan is a shithead, sometimes, and he can be a bit of a chaos demon. He also can be a bit of a schemer, especially when it comes to winning a game. But, he’s unfailingly kind and caring to the people he holds dear. He absolutely hates getting into any kind of real conflict with his friends. There’s that whole side to him that honestly wouldn’t hurt a fly and always has a way to comfort. That’s the side that you get now. 

“I don’t know,” you answer, voice just as quiet. “I’m just…I don’t want to let him win, you know?”

And Jeonghan does know. You’ve been friends since before you started dating Johnny. Even though he never liked him, Jeonghan supported you in your relationship. When Johnny proposed, he called your other friends and set up the best engagement party anyone could ask for. From the outside, nobody would ever know that he hated your partner. Honestly, he’s the best friend anyone in the world could ask for. 

Before he got around to setting up the bridal shower, which he’d been quietly planning for months, your whole world turned upside down. Johnny cheated, had been cheating awhile, actually, and Jeonghan was there to pick up the pieces. Somehow, he was the only one that seemed to make it better, probably because he didn’t want to act like things were okay when they weren’t. It was easy to cry in front of him, easy to be vulnerable, easy to just let the process play out so you could heal. Even though he never liked Johnny, he also didn’t say he told you so. This had never been something that crossed his mind. 

“Okay, you’re gonna hate it, but I have an idea,” Jeonghan says.

“Those are never comforting words coming from you,” slips out of your mouth.

“Usually I’d yell at you, but…” he trails off. 

“I swear, if you’re about to say that we pretend to be dating like some romcom, I will hang up the phone,” you warn.

“First of all, that’s rude, I’m a great boyfriend,” Jeonghan says. 

“I never said you weren’t, Hannie, you know I think you’re gorgeous,” you sigh. 

“That’s true, I am,” Jeonghan says through a laugh.

“But, I also know you remember what an unmitigated disaster it was when we fucked,” you point out, earning an even louder laugh. 

“Wow, and here I thought that it was actually great sex,” he says. 

“I’m not gonna keep stroking your ego, I already admitted you were gorgeous. I don’t need to praise the sex, too,” you declare.

“Stroking my…come on, you’re making it too easy,” Jeonghan points out.

“Funny, because I remember you being the easy one that night,” you say, finally managing to get a shot in.

“I hate you,” Jeonghan snorts. 

“I know,” you answer. “Didn’t you say that you had an idea?” 

Jeonghan clears his throat. “Right, yeah. Well, I know this guy and maybe he can help you out.” 

“What is he, an escort?” you snort out.

“Do you want my help or not?” Jeonghan asks.

“Yoon Jeonghan, are you about to set me up with an escort?” you challenge.

“No, of course not, just trust me,” he says.

Just trust me might be the three most terrifying words that could come out of Jeonghan’s mouth, especially when you’re not usually on the receiving end of his schemes. It’s not like you have much choice, though. The wedding is in six weeks and you have to find a solution, fast. So, what choice do you have other than trusting your best friend? How could this go wrong? 

You still think this is a terrible idea, yet agree to meet Jeonghan’s friend, Joshua, anyway. Apparently, he’s somewhat new to the area, doesn’t know many people, and is incredibly easy to be around. There’s no mention of why Jeonghan thinks he might be willing to pretend to be your boyfriend. A part of you wonders if your friend even told him, but he’s not that cruel. So, whatever the case, Joshua must at least have some idea of what he’s walking into. 

Several days pass between the nightmare of a call from Johnny and you actually meeting Joshua, which only adds to your anxiety about whether or not this is going to work. Johnny is asking for a name for the seating chart and for dinner selections. Your mom wants to know when they’ll be able to meet this new boyfriend before the wedding (because “meeting him for the first time at a wedding is gauche” and we wouldn’t want that). Your sister is convinced that he doesn’t actually exist since you haven’t posted him on social media. That you can at least answer to say that not everyone posts their entire life online like she does. It doesn’t seem to allay her suspicions, though. 

Then, there’s the fact that you’re actually meeting Joshua for the first time at dinner. All you wanted was to go for coffee, yet he insisted. You couldn’t exactly press the point. Not when you’re planning to ask this stranger to pretend to date you just so that you can avoid the embarrassment at your ex’s wedding. On top of that, because Jeonghan really is a demon at his core, you don’t know what Joshua looks like. Don’t know who to look for. Which leads to you doing the only sensible thing and showing up 5 minutes late for dinner, hoping that he’ll already be at the table when you get there.

It works.

When you give the reservation name at the host stand, you’re immediately led back to a table. Without even thinking about it, you smooth your hands down the front of your dress, looking for a small amount of comfort in this situation. It’s not even that you struggle around new people, this is just…well, it’s a lot. It’s out of anyone’s comfort zone. Whatever you’re expecting, it’s not the man sitting at the table the host leads you to. He nearly stops you in your tracks. 

His black hair is perfectly styled down to the pieces on one side that come down over his forehead. The black dress shirt he wears is open at least one button too many, but he makes the exposed chest look work in a way models would envy. Even though his pants are black as well, he makes it look classic and effortless, rather than too dark. That’s all without even acknowledging the soft smile on his face. This man would break a thousand hearts without even saying a damn word. While you’re appreciating him, you miss the way his eyes rake over you appreciatively. Miss the way his eyes trace your curves and the way the dress clings to you. 

In one fluid motion, he’s standing up to greet you, a gentle kiss placed on your cheek. Is it weird if your knees are a little weak? Well, even if it is, there’s nothing you can do. You’re completely captivated. 

“You must be Joshua,” you say. Brilliant, you think. That’s obvious.

“It’s nice to meet you. Jeonghan had nothing but good things to say,” he answers with another smile as he pulls your seat out for you. 

“I feel like he hardly told me about you,” you respond. Joshua raises a perfect eyebrow at that.

“Then why did you agree to go out with me?” Joshua asks. 

“Go out with…is this a date?” The question comes tumbling out. 

Joshua’s eyes widen in genuine confusion. “Is it not?” 

“What, exactly, did Jeonghan say to you?” 

A lot and nothing at all, it turns out. Joshua tells you about how he’s somewhat new to the area, which you knew. About how he met Jeonghan through work, kind of. They work in the same building doing very different things and happened to run into each other getting coffee a handful of times before Jeonghan introduced himself. The two had hung out several times, something Jeonghan had not really mentioned, and gotten to know each other over drinks more than once. The very first time, Jeonghan had mentioned you and Joshua admits immediately being intrigued without pressing for more information. 

In any case, Jeonghan talked about you pretty freely, a fact that’s hardly surprising. Before Joshua texted you, Jeonghan had mentioned, in what Joshua calls an offhand way, that you were sick of dating the same people. According to Joshua, through Jeonghan, you were looking to possibly be set up. (Read: Jeonghan thinks he’s crafty and isn’t going to come out and tell this man what you’re really looking for. Typical Jeonghan, honestly. You know that “offhand comment” was anything but. And you had the audacity to think Jeonghan would have to tell Joshua what he’s getting into. Rookie move.)

Now you’re in a bit of an awkward situation because this man is honestly gorgeous, one of the prettiest humans you’ve ever met. And, already, he seems like he might be sweet with a pretty good sense of humor. It’s just…well, you’re absolutely not looking for a relationship and this is the last person you want to get involved in your mess. Thankfully, you get a moment to catch your breath when someone comes by to take a drink order and suggest an appetizer. It’s just enough time for you to talk yourself into telling Joshua the real story.

To his credit, he only looks mildly surprised as you outline your whole situation, inform him that yes, Jeonghan does know all of this, and clarify why you didn’t actually realize it was a date. It’s hard to miss the way his eyes seem to sparkle a bit when you also admit that he’s absolutely stunning in a way that hurts your feelings. Easier to miss is the way his face barely falls when you say that you’re not actually looking for something right now. Interesting. 

“So that’s the whole thing and now that I’ve embarrassed myself in front of you, I’m sure you’ll understand if we never see each other after tonight,” you finish.

“How am I supposed to go to a wedding as your boyfriend in a matter of weeks if we don’t see each other after tonight?” Joshua wonders.

“I…what?” you sputter out. 

“Well, sure, we need to work out a few details, but I’m game,” Joshua says with a shrug.

“I’m sorry, I think I’m just really confused?” You don’t even have food yet and this is already the most interesting date you’ve been on, possibly ever. 

“I, uh, may have left a part of my past out when I was sharing what Jeonghan knew about me,” Joshua says. “And honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t catch it or that he did this. I’d be mad if I wasn’t so impressed by how crafty it was.” 

“I’m going to need you to connect some dots for me,” you admit. “Oh and also never tell Jeonghan you appreciate him being crafty. His ego is too big as it is.”

“The first time Jeonghan and I hung out, we went out for drinks, got a little wasted, and I told him about how I got through my university studies without any debts,” Joshua says, pausing long enough for someone to set the appetizer down. “He’s observant, Jeonghan, I’ll give him that. He noticed I had designer clothes, shoes, that kind of thing. And he noticed I didn’t pay attention to the prices of the drinks. So I made a vague comment about being lucky to have found a way through my studies without taking out loans.”

“I’m sure he asked you about that, he loves it when he thinks there’s a scheme,” you note with a smile.

“You’re right about that,” Joshua agrees. “So I, well I told him. When I was in school, I met this woman out one night and she paid me to go to events with her. She wanted, and these were her words, ‘someone young and hot’ with her. And the next four years, that’s what I did. I let people pay for me to go to events with them. Never more than that. I was clear that I wasn’t selling sex or anything, just company.” 

You lean back in your seat with an appraising look. “An entrepreneur from the beginning.” 

“Hey, no judgment,” Joshua says. All you can do is smile.

“I’m not judging, that was really smart and you’re obviously attractive enough for it,” you acknowledge.

“Thank you,” Joshua says. It doesn’t have the air of cockiness Jeonghan’s answer would. He actually seems sincere in accepting the compliment. 

“But, I’m still not going to pay you to pretend to be my boyfriend,” you say, even if it’s a bit reluctant. 

“I wasn’t asking you to,” Joshua shrugs. “You don’t have to pay me.”

“Why would you offer to pretend to do something like this? You don’t even know me,” you point out.

“No, I don’t. But, you seem like a good person. And I like Jeonghan, he’s nice…” Joshua says, stopping when you try to cover a scoff. 

“Nice?” you question when you’re caught.

“Wrong word choice,” Joshua dismisses. “He seems like the kind of person that’s a loyal friend, like he would go into battle to protect you. Like someone you can actually trust.”

“He is all of those things, yeah,” you admit.

“And if those things are true, then him holding you out as his best friend means you’re probably all of those things too,” Joshua reasons. 

“I try to be,” you agree. 

“Plus, Jeonghan did mention you had seriously dated someone that was pretty rich, so I figure it’s probably the guy getting married and it’ll be a nice wedding,” Joshua says with a smile. The joke is obvious by the look in his eyes.

“It’s interesting that he mentioned Johnny, that’s my ex, being rich,” you idly comment.

“Is he not?” Joshua wonders.

“Jeonghan is a lot of things, but he’d never lie to his friends,” you answer first. “So, yeah, he is. Well, his family is at least. His mom and mine run a lot of events together, like galas and shit. That’s how we all know each other.”

“Are you rich, too?” Joshua wonders. There’s that little twinkle of something in his eyes again, but there’s also sincerity.

“I’m still not paying you,” you retort.

“Fine,” Joshua agrees. 

You roll your eyes. “Okay, so what’s the plan?” 

There’s a weird world’s colliding feeling to having both Jeonghan and Joshua in your apartment. But, Jeonghan doesn’t like to be left out of things. Once you told him that you and Joshua both knew about his scheming, he offered to help in any way he could. Which is likely just so he’s included. You’ll take what you can get. Now, it means that he and Joshua are sitting on your couch, scrolling through pictures on Joshua’s phone to decide what to include in an instagram post. That’s the first step you and Joshua agreed on. If you’re going to sell this whole fake relationship, then your sister actually is right. There has to be some sort of proof of it online. Which also means that your post has to talk about how you’ve been keeping it quiet and just enjoying getting to know each other without any pressure. Jeonghan takes credit for that, even if you got there on your own. 

“I think I like this one,” Jeonghan says and turns the phone around to show you. 

“Why that one?” you ask. 

“Why not? Don’t you like it?” Joshua worries.

“I don’t know, I feel like my hand is doing something weird,” you point out.

“You look great,” Joshua assures you.

“Oh, ew, you’re not really dating,” Jeonghan complains. 

“You do know you’re going to have to stop saying that, right?” you ask.

“Maybe I didn’t know either,” Jeonghan shrugs.

“No, I’m with her, you’re her best friend and you definitely would’ve known,” Joshua agrees. 

“Why are you on her side already?” Jeonghan whines.

“Because she’s cool and she’s not the one who knew what I did in college and set me up,” Joshua says with a laugh. 

This is how it’s been going for the last hour. You’re not really much for putting a lot of effort into your posts, so this all feels like too much. But, you know that it’s important for it to feel real and it’s important to get it right. You’re honestly pretty happy to just let the guys take the lead and go with the flow of it all. There are going to be plenty of opportunities for you to take the lead. You’re going to take your breaks where you can. 

(That had also meant not putting up too much of a fight when Jeonghan told you to bring multiple outfits with you. Or when you had to change your hairstyle and makeup between the photos so it looked like they hadn’t all been taken the same day. Honestly, this was so much easier for Joshua. Then again, he’s the one doing you a favor. So maybe you can let him have it.)

After you finally get your couple pictures posted, and get a flurry of messages ranging from surprise to congratulations, you move onto preparing Joshua to meet your parents, your sister, and her husband. Jeonghan is actually a lot of help with that because he’s been around them a lot. Well, he’s helpful after he tries to scare Joshua about how intimidating it’s going to be only to give up when Joshua is unbothered. He’s so calm about everything that it’s actually kind of nice to be around. And he has no problem firing back at Jeonghan, which is really fun to watch. 

You go through what your parents are like, what they do both for work and as hobbies. Joshua perks up at the mention of your dad loving music and sometimes spending his weekends just exploring new venues. It seems like there might be more to that, though you don’t press when he waves it off. It’s different when you talk about your sister, two years younger and already married. Not that you’re dying to be married or even care that she got married before you. That’s always seemed like a weird societal expectation, anyway. What does it matter when anyone gets married? If it’s their right person, then it makes sense. You being upset over your failed engagement really doesn’t have anything to do with your sister’s marriage, despite her instance it does. 

It becomes obvious that you’re losing Jeonghan’s attention when you turn down his request to start playing games or watch a movie. It’s not that you don’t want to do those things, it’s just that you have a lot to cover in far less time than you realized. Sure, the wedding is still weeks away. What’s not weeks away is your first dinner with your family. That’s going to be around the corner. The least you could do, you figured, was plan a time before posting pictures on instagram. So, Jeonghan asks if it’s okay to leave and you almost sigh in relief. This will be easier without an extra person.

“Not to pry, but what’s the deal with you and Jeonghan?” Joshua asks when you settle back on the couch with a glass of wine. 

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“I don’t know, I feel like I was picking up on something,” Joshua shrugs.

“We’re really just friends,” you assure him.

“Sometimes those are the best…” Joshua starts.

“Don’t,” you cut off. He worries for a second before he realizes you’re smiling. “We did try. Not so much a try, I guess, but we slept together maybe 6 months after Johnny and I broke it off and it just wasn’t it.” 

“You and him slept together?” Joshua questions.

“Is that weird for you?” you ask.

“No, it’s just interesting that you’re still so close,” Joshua observes.

“I guess,” you say with a shrug. “He’s great, obviously attractive, but we just, I don’t know. I didn’t feel anything. Neither did he. So, staying friends seemed like the right choice.”

“Interesting,” is all Joshua says. “Have you dated anyone seriously since Johnny?” 

“Not that seriously, no,” you admit. “I’ve gone on dates with different people and some of them stuck around for a bit, but nothing serious.” 

“Not finding the right people?” Joshua presses.

“I just haven’t found anyone that made me feel like Johnny did at the beginning or even like I did when he proposed,” you say. 

“I can understand that, even if I don’t really get it. You’re gorgeous, anyone would be lucky,” he says smoothly. You cover a blush with a slight eye roll. 

“I guess that’s why most of my close friends will also believe that I kept a new relationship on the low. They saw me post-Johnny and have seen me try to date,” you share.

“Yeah that’s good for us, at least,” Joshua agrees.

“What about you, though? When was your last relationship?” you ask.

“Ah, well it’s been a little over a year,” Joshua says. 

“Bad ending?” you wonder. You’re not sure why you press him on it.

“It wasn’t great,” Joshua says with a chuckle. “She, uh, well she decided that she just really would rather be with one of my friends than with me.”

“I’m so sorry you went through that,” you say, suddenly sorry.

“No, no, it’s fine,” he says. “She didn’t actually cheat on me, but she had started getting close to him and sharing everything with him.”

“Arguably worse, in my opinion. Emotional cheating is still a thing,” you say, trying to offer comfort. 

“Thank you,” Joshua says. His eyes are soft and full of care. “And, like you, I have dated since then, just nothing worth talking about.” 

It’s an easy transition from that into talking about your backgrounds. Like speed dating, except somehow more intense. You learn Joshua’s birthday, his parents names, that he’s an only child, and where he grew up. Nothing is too small and you joke about taking notes before you actually go to get a notebook. Joshua tells you his favorite color and his favorite food, tells you about his favorite memories, favorite places where he grew up, and favorite places he’s found since moving here. There’s a way that his face lights up when he talks about his friends that’s drawing you in. You tell him the same. That all feels a little surface level, which you point out. If this is going to work, it has to be deeper, more serious. 

That’s when something seems to almost break down. Joshua suggests that you tell each other the deep stuff, the things that you don’t always admit to someone you’re dating. Or, maybe you admit it and don’t get into the reasons why. When Joshua goes first and admits that he’s happiest when he’s playing his guitar, even if nobody else is listening, his whole face changes. It’s like a completely different version of him. He’s got an open face as it is, that hasn’t changed, but you realize maybe he’s a little guarded behind the smile as well. Maybe there really is more depth than he wants anyone to realize. Maybe this is going to be more interesting than you thought.

“Can I hear you play?” you ask. His face is adorable with his eyes full of surprise.

“You want to hear me play?” There’s an emotion you can’t place when he looks at you.

“I love music, too, Joshua,” you say softly. “I’d love to see what you’re passionate about.”

“Oh, well, I usually play at this acoustic night on Thursdays at a coffee shop downtown,” Joshua tells you.

“You do? That’s so cute!” you say before second guessing it. He looks away like he’s a little embarrassed and you worry for a split second.

“I’d love it if you came by,” he says.

“It’s a shame that we can’t say that’s where we met,” you admit.

“Wait, that would be a good idea, actually,” Joshua says and you smile. 

“It would be, but I also know events like that. It’s always a similar crowd so I’m sure someone will know that I’ve never been,” you reason. 

“Fair point,” Joshua concedes. 

“Why don’t we just say we met on a dating app?” you suggest and Joshua pulls up his face. “Okay, I know apps are lame and honestly, I don’t use them much. But, think about it. That’s the perfect reason why we didn’t bring it up until now, we didn’t want to answer the ‘where did you meet’ question by saying an app.” 

“Okay, yeah, I do actually like that because it’s easy and it doesn’t feel like a wild story,” Joshua says. 

“What about your parents?” you ask. “Do we need to make plans to meet them if you’re also posting about me?” 

“We can figure that out, but they live pretty far away so it would probably just be over FaceTime or something,” he says.

“I also understand if you don’t want to do that because we’re just pretending,” you suggest. 

“No, it’d be cool to have you meet them. Even if the relationship isn’t real, I’d like to be friends for real, so that’s not a total lie,” Joshua reasons. 

“I’d like to be friends too,” you agree. “How long have you been living here, now?” 

“Oh, um, like 8 months?” Joshua says like a question.

“I was figuring like a month or two with the way Jeonghan talks about you,” you laugh. 

“You’ve been friends with him for years, you’re not actually surprised,” Joshua points out. 

“Okay so now I guess we have to figure out when we started dating,” you comment.

“And everything else, but we can do it,” Joshua says. 

You’re a little nervous sitting on your couch waiting for Joshua to show up. Even though you offered to pick him up for dinner with your family tonight, he insisted on being the one to drive. Of course he’s right on time, which you’re already realizing is a trait of his. He’s even a gentleman when he opens the door for you, just like he pulled the chair out the first time you met for the date-not-date. As you put your seatbelt on, you notice that there are a few things in the backseat. 

“What’s all that?” you ask as he slides into the driver’s seat. 

“Flowers for your mom, a bottle of scotch for your dad, and a cheese board for your sister because you said they just moved and she likes to host,” Joshua lists off as if it’s nothing.

“You did not have to get things for all of them,” you point out. 

“Of course I did, but I also wanted to. I’m trying to make a good impression,” he says, making your heart a little light.

“That’s so kind,” you whisper out.

“Oh, I thought of something else,” Joshua shifts. You’re worried you made him uncomfortable until he speaks again. “Are you a pet name person in relationships?”

That makes you snort, something that would embarrass you in any other situation. It’s not the first time he’s heard it, though. “That depends on what you want to call me.”

“That’s a dangerous way to say that,” Joshua answers. His eyes are still on the road, yet you don’t miss the way he reacts.

“I don’t like overly cutesy names,” you say to diffuse a little bit of the moment. “Like, I don’t know, if you want to call me sugarplum or honeybunch or something like that, please don’t.”

“You’re just giving me ideas to take away my fun,” he pouts.

“Well, what were you thinking of calling me? Or are you even a pet name person?” you ask.

“I do like them,” Joshua says. “I’m not sure that I have a go-to or anything. For you, I might say angel or possibly darling.”

“I think I prefer angel, if I’m allowed to pick,” you say after a moment.

“Of course,” Joshua replies. Studying his face, you’re looking for a hint of mocking or insincerity, but there’s nothing to find. This is just him.

“Do you want me to use a pet name for you?” you wonder.

“I’d happily take one, no pressure, though,” he says. 

“I’ll have to think about it,” you tell him. “Something generic like babe doesn’t feel right.”

“Are you saying I’m special?” Now you can hear the light teasing in his voice. 

“I take it back, any more compliments are going to go to your head,” you huff out. 

As you get closer to your parents’ house, you start to bounce your knee with an excess of nervous energy. It’s not until Joshua reaches a hand out to take one of yours that you’re even sure you’re doing it. There’s something calming about it, though. Nothing about him reaching out feels like he’s trying to stop you, just show that you’re not alone in this. Which is more than welcome. The last person you brought to meet your parents was Johnny. Given how that ended and why Joshua is around in the first place, it’s not exactly the most comforting thought.

Once you pull up to their house, you take a deep breath. It’s only to settle your rising nerves, but it also serves to give Joshua enough time to come and open your door. Even though you’ve told him that he doesn’t need to be this sweet, he insists. Without saying a word, he holds out a hand to help you out of the car. Instead of dropping your hand once you’re out, he uses it to pull you into him and wraps his arms around you. There’s this immediate sense of comfort, like you have actually been dating for months. You inhale his cologne without meaning to, something warm and woodsy. 

“It’s going to be fine, parents love me,” he assures you when you pull away.

“I don’t doubt that,” you say, releasing the breath you were holding and your tension with it. 

“So come on, my little granola wrapper, let’s go,” Joshua says as he lets you go to get the gifts out of his backseat. 

It takes you a full few seconds to register what came out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, what did you just call me?” 

“Is that not the one?” he asks, eyes alight with some kind of mischief. 

“I’m not going to encourage this,” you huff.

“Whatever you say, jellybean,” he throws out casually. 

The second you step into the house, you see exactly what Joshua means. Your mother is fawning over him in a matter of seconds, your father is making plans to show him his records, your sister’s husband is asking when they can go out for drinks, and your sister even holds back the snark. All during the course of the pre-dinner drinks and largely, you think, due to the gifts that Joshua brought. He had a reason for the meaning behind the type of flowers for your mother, a favorite musician who swore by the scotch for your dad, and even bought the cheese board from a small business that customized things. 

Dinner comes along and you still feel like you’ve barely said anything with Joshua masterfully steering the conversation. He even makes it sound good that you met on an app, with his improvised story of wanting to meet people in a new city. According to him, he wasn’t expecting to meet someone like you and was done for the second he saw you sitting at dinner. It’s something real, that you met him for dinner the first time at a fancy downtown restaurant. And you realize you never actually asked what his impression was that first night. More than once, you catch yourself watching his profile as he talks to one of your family members. Everything about him is at ease and you wonder if it really is all fake. Not that you think anything about him is disingenuous, he’s just really good at making people like him. 

The only hiccup doesn’t come until your mother is pulling out dessert. According to your sister, she’s got an excellent pie in the refrigerator that you simply have to try. You’re about to say something when Joshua beats you to it. 

“I don’t think my little sugarplum likes fruit pies, but it sounds amazing and I’d love a piece,” Joshua interjects smoothly. 

Your sister nearly spits out her drink, whether it’s at the nickname or him speaking up for you, you’re not sure. In any other situation, you would scold him for the name, but you’re a little stunned he remembers you don’t like pie. It came up once in a rapid fire of likes and dislikes. 

“You’re right, she doesn’t,” your sister agrees. “I’d almost forgotten.” 

(That’s when you’re sure it was another of your sister’s tests. Trying to catch you in some kind of lie about your relationship. But, it doesn’t work and you feel a little victorious for that.)

The doorbell rings through the house and you look to your mother, silently asking if she’s expecting someone. It’s unusual for them to have company calling this late on a Friday night. It’s usually reserved for dinners with friends or family or galas. Unsurprisingly, your mother doesn’t seem to know who it could be, but disappears to answer the door all the same. When a voice drifts through from the hallway, you freeze on the spot.

“I really just came by to drop that off for my mom, I didn’t realize it was so late. I’d hate to intrude on dessert,” the guest says. 

“Nonsense, you’re not interrupting,” your mother insists. 

“I saw an unfamiliar car, so I figured you might have guests,” he says as they come through the doorway into the living area. 

Your heart stutters a little in your chest, feels heavier for seeing him. Somehow he looks taller and broader than the last time you saw him. He’s wearing his hair shorter and he looks more mature, somehow, like he’s seen so much more of the world than when you were together. Which is probably true, if you think about it. It’s been a couple years and that means he’s had more time working with his father. 

“That would be my car,” Joshua says, getting to his feet immediately and extending his hand. “I’m Joshua.” 

“Johnny,” he answers and shakes Joshua’s hand. Yet, his face looks a little tense and his eyes mostly stay on you. 

“It’s just family,” your mother shares, though Johnny can obviously see that himself, “since our darling daughter finally brought Joshua around to meet us.” 

“I’m glad she did, dinner was wonderful and the company was even better,” Joshua says with a smile at your mother. She nearly blushes at his compliment. 

“Oh, hush,” your mother says with a wave of her hand. “I was just getting some pie if you’d like to stay for a piece, Johnny. Although, I’d hate to keep you from home.”

Joshua sits back down next to you, a little closer than is strictly necessary, and puts his arm along the back of the couch behind you. You feel safe pressed up against his side like that. Johnny clears his throat when he looks away from the pair of you. “Gabby has been out of town all week, actually, so I’m going back to an empty home anyway. I’d love to stay for a piece of your famous cherry pie.” 

“Great!” your mother says and disappears off into the kitchen. 

“What’s got Gabby away?” your sister asks. 

“Just a conference,” Johnny answers. “There was a final banquet tonight and she’ll be home tomorrow.” 

“She’s busy, away this week, bachelorette next weekend,” she says offhand. 

“Keeping tabs on when everything is?” you ask of your sister. She looks at you like you’re crazy and Johnny looks awkward.

“No, I was invited to it,” your sister answers evenly. 

Before you can even answer, Joshua is speaking up. Probably sensing your discomfort. After all, you hadn’t gotten to tell him that Johnny’s fiance is friends with your younger sister. They had gone to school together and been close. Stealing her sister’s fiancée doesn’t seem to have impacted the friendship. 

“You must be excited with the big day getting so close,” Joshua says. He moves his arm from behind you so that he can take your hand on your thigh. It makes you look down at your hands before glancing at him, only to find his gaze on you already. It also means you miss the way Johnny follows the movement. 

“Uh, yeah, I mean, I’m definitely excited. It’s just been a lot of planning,” Johnny says. 

“I bet,” Joshua says. “Thank you so much for inviting me, I know how stressful changes can be.” 

“It’s no problem, I’m happy you’ll both be there,” Johnny says. 

With almost a practiced subtlety, Joshua squeezes your hand. There’s so much in that one movement. A reassurance, a reminder to breathe, a reminder that he’s there, a promise that everything is going to be okay. Your heart hurts seeing Johnny sitting in the living room so casually as if nothing happened, but it doesn’t hurt as much as you expected. Maybe that has something to do with this impossibly kind, completely idiotic person next to you. You also can’t help the way your gaze lands on him. Just in profile, at first, before he senses your look and turns to you with a dazzling smile. It’s like there’s nobody else in the world but the two of you.

The conversation shifts slightly when your mother comes back in with a tray full of pie slices and your father comes back with whatever record he was looking for to show Joshua. Just like that, you survive your first in-person interaction with Johnny. Actually come out of it feeling like you might be able to handle this. The smile you send Joshua while he’s eating his pie is so fond that you’re not even sure who you are. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t call me last night,” Jeonghan says in lieu of a hello.

“Hello to you too, I’m good, thanks for asking,” you retort.

“Greetings are for people who remember their best friends, not for people who send a single sentence recap after bringing their fake boyfriend home to meet the family,” Jeonghan states immediately.

“That’s a very long rule,” you note.

“Deserved, though,” Jeonghan says.

“I was tired, Han, it was a long night,” you explain.

“A long night where your ex showed up,” he reminds you.

“That actually wasn’t so bad,” you admit. “Joshua made it feel pretty easy.”

“Oh did he now?” 

You don’t have to be in the same room as Jeonghan to hear the expression on his face when he says that. “It was just easy, Jeonghan, nothing more than that.”

“What did your parents think?” he asks, switching gears.

“They loved him, like actually loved him. My mom was enamored and kept calling him handsome. My dad was talking about music with him and making plans to go check out some acoustic music venue. Even the ice queen couldn’t find anything to fault him for,” you share.

“She’s less of an ice queen and more of a mean girl and a bitch,” Jeonghan adds.

“You said it,” you mumble.

“I mean, come on, who thinks it’s okay for their friend to sleep with their sister’s fiancé? And then stays friends with the girl?” Jeonghan gets really defensive with this. He would ride for you to the ends of the world, which you do love. Just not today. 

“I don’t wanna relive that whole thing, it’s done and over. Nothing to do now,” you say, weariness seeping into your voice.

“Would you want to do anything about it?” Jeonghan asks.

“What do you mean?” You answer the question with a question.

“Like would you want to go back to when you were with Johnny?” Jeonghan asks.

You think about it for half a second. “No.” 

“That was fast,” Jeonghan comments.

“What’s there to go back to? He made his choice and I’m fine, honestly. It was weird seeing him and hearing him talk about his wedding, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought,” you say.

“Is that because of your Prince Charming?” Your best friend, always doing the most, puts this question into a sing-song voice. 

“He’s not a Prince Charming. You’re so annoying,” you scoff. 

“I don’t know, he sure seems to be saving you,” Jeonghan presses. 

“I can’t with…” you start, trailing off at the knock on your door.

“Who’s there?” Jeonghan asks. 

“No clue,” you answer, getting off your couch to go see. 

“I bet it’s Prince Charming,” Jeonghan laughs out.

“Would you fuck…” you begin as you open the door to find the very subject of your conversation on the other side, “off.”

“I’m right aren’t I?” Jeonghan is nearly shrieking with glee.

“Sorry, gotta go,” you say.

“Oh no, no, no,” Jeonghan tries.

You’re stepping aside to let Joshua into your apartment. “I’ll see you tomorrow for brunch.”

“Let me know if I need to add one more to the reservation,” Jeonghan says. 

“Goodbye,” you say with an eye roll Jeonghan can’t see, but will surely hear. You hang up as soon as he also says goodbye.

“Jeonghan?” Joshua guesses.

“Unfortunately,” you confirm. 

“I hope I wasn’t interrupting,” Joshua says. It’s nothing like when someone says it out of forced courtesy. He actually seems like he’s making sure he’s not intruding. 

“No, not at all, I just wasn’t expecting you,” you admit. 

“Sometimes that’s the best time to come over,” Joshua says with a shrug.

“Does that mean you have a plan?” you wonder.

“Yup,” Joshua says.

“Gonna tell me what it is?” you ask.

“Nope,” he says with a concerning smile, popping the end of nope. “Go put on something comfortable but with layers. And we’re not going hiking or anything like that.” 

An hour later, you’re pulling off the road in an area you’ve never been to, even with as long as you’ve lived here. The views are instantly enough to take your breath away. You can see the whole city below you, all the bustle of traffic and skyscrapers. Somewhere, you know there are people rushing to and fro, too busy to stop and appreciate what’s around them. Straight ahead, you can see the way the low clouds glide around, splitting around the very tops of the buildings. It’s beautiful and it also makes you realize just how small you are. 

While you’ve been appreciating the views in front of you, Joshua has been gathering his supplies from the trunk. By the time you turn around, he’s laying a blanket and basket down on the ground in front of the car. 

“Is this…did you set up a picnic?” you ask.

“I wanted to show you this place and figured some food might be nice,” he says with an easy smile. 

“That’s so sweet,” you say earnestly.

You settle on the blanket next to him and look through the food he’s pulling out. There are some of your favorite things and some things you’re not even sure you’ve seen before. Somehow, though, you feel like they might become some of your new favorites. He even brought plates and he sets about putting one together for you to pick at.

Joshua tells you about how this is his favorite place and he found it completely by accident. He loves being down in the city and around all the people, but there’s something nice about seeing things from this perspective too. It’s like he can just disconnect for a while. Turn off his phone. Read or listen to music. Just be totally alone. It’s how he works through a problem or gets the perspective he needs.

“I can’t believe you’re sharing it with me,” you admit and his eyes light up with his smile.

“I just thought, after last night, you might appreciate having a place to get away from it all,” Joshua says.

You want to say something, anything, really, to acknowledge what Joshua just said. Try to say something. Your throat doesn’t want to cooperate, it seems. Your brain, either. In fact, all you can manage to do is turn away to hide the tears. Joshua is observant, though. He doesn’t say anything, just pulls you into his chest and runs his hand along your back. He quietly soothes you as you cry out a lot of emotions you didn’t even realize you were experiencing. 

And something about him comforting you, this near stranger who doesn’t actually owe you anything, sets you off more. In the early days of your relationship with Johnny, you know it was good. It must have been. Surely, it was more than a relationship between two people who had known each other for years with families that were intertwined. You don’t remember it anymore. Don’t remember him ever holding you like this without even knowing what was wrong. Don’t remember him taking you on a date like this just because he thought you would enjoy it. Since you haven’t seriously dated anyone since the break-up, he also feels like your only frame of reference. That makes you sad for an entirely different reason. Who loses it over someone just being a little kind?

“I’m so sorry,” you finally say when you manage to pull yourself together. 

“For what?” he asks. 

“For just crying like that and being such a mess,” you say. 

Joshua shakes his head. Moves his hand up to your face and waits for confirmation that it’s okay. When you nod, he gently wipes the tears from under your eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for. What you’re going through with your ex, most of us could never even imagine that kind of pain.”

“But still, you barely know me and here you are trying to be kind and all I can do is cry,” you say. 

“First of all, I think last night and the food I put together show I’ve actually learned a lot about you in a short time,” he says and you have to laugh at that. He’s right. “Second, I’m just happy you feel safe enough with me to cry. It’s not healthy to hold all that in. You’re not in this alone.”

That brings you up short more than anything. He’s right, again (an annoying habit, if you’re being honest). You don’t feel any hesitation around him. Nothing to stop you from crying if you feel like crying. That’s unusual, to say the least. Normally, you’ll do anything to avoid anyone seeing you emotional. But, this man you just met is different. He’s safe. You’re not sure how or why, but you know you can trust him. 

“Are you free tomorrow for brunch?” you ask. Joshua gives you a quizzical look for a moment at the sudden topic change. 

“Yeah, why?” he asks. 

“I just need to send one quick text and then I want to do what you said you normally do here. Disconnect from the world and just appreciate the afternoon,” you say and find yourself smiling along with his smile. He really is so beautiful. 

You: add one to the reservation for brunch tomorrow and i’ll call you tonight when i’m home

You switch your phone into Do Not Disturb before the response comes and turn all your attention back to Joshua. 

Over the next couple weeks, Joshua slips seamlessly into your life and your existing friendships. Some of them, like those closest to you that come along to the Sunday brunches, know the whole story. It’s not like they would believe you had kept a relationship secret for that long, anyway. And it’s good to have a few extra sets of eyes and ears helping to sell the story. Other friends get the same story that your family and Johnny got. It’s not that you don’t trust them, you do. It’s more important to keep the circle of people who know the real story as small as possible, though, so that it actually succeeds. All your friends adore him from the second they meet him. The only surprise is how well Jeonghan seems to be adjusting to sharing your time. He wants to give you a hard time, yet he doesn’t. 

You meet all Joshua’s friends and coworkers, too. It feels way easier than it should the first time you join him and his coworkers after work for drinks. They spend most of the time giving Joshua a hard time that he’s kept you to himself for so long. It’s easy to fall into step and you find that you do know him a lot better than you think. So, it’s just as easy for you to jump in when they’re giving him a hard time. He pretends to be annoyed, but you can tell by the way he smiles that he likes it. It’s one of those genuine smiles that makes his eyes bigger and brighter. Everything just feels…easy. Like this whole thing wasn’t actually a bad idea after all. 

Your favorite part might be the first time you got with him to an Open Mic Night and get to see him play. He’s got that easy kind of confidence on the guitar. Like he knows he’s talented, but not in a cocky way. It’s his singing that catches you off guard. His voice moves over the notes with an ease that makes you wonder why this isn’t something he’s doing for a living. He’s got this way of pulling you into songs that you don’t even know. And he’s so kind with the people that show up just to see him play. They all seem just as happy to meet you and know that he’s happy. 

There’s only been one part that’s been difficult. Not difficult, exactly, but not as comfortable as some of the other things. While you and Joshua talked through anything and everything to prepare to start a fake relationship, you covered comfort levels with physical affection. You both say you’re comfortable with physical touch, though he seems to seek it out more than you do. That includes at least some level of PDA as a couple. You’ve never really been one to just randomly make out with a partner in public, but you’ve never been shy about expressing affection either. It was fine, when it was all theoretical. 

In actual practice, it’s been a little more difficult. The first time Joshua had pressed a kiss to the side of your head while you were out with people that didn’t know it was fake caught you off guard. It shouldn’t have, he asked before doing it and you confirmed it was fine. What you hadn’t been entirely prepared for was how it would feel when he did it. Or how it would feel that he was so casual about it, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Like it wasn’t making you rethink everything in your life. 

Tonight, you’re hanging out with friends at Hyejin’s house. You and her have been friends since before you even started school. So, she knows what’s really going on with Joshua. Your other friends there, though, are mostly not in on it. Which is fine. You’re shockingly comfortable with the song and dance. 

It’s not actually fine. 

It starts the same as any other time you’ve been out somewhere with him. You’re sitting close together on the couch, thighs pressed together, with his arm behind you along the back of the couch. Periodically, his fingers play with the sleeve of your shirt. It’s an absentminded habit and you’re used to it. He’s usually keeping some sort of contact with you in a very subtle way. You learned right away that he did like physical touch, but it was rarely something obvious. One drink in and his affection got a little more obvious. Arm wrapped firmly around you. More kisses pressed to the side of your head. 

Two drinks in and it changes again. He removes his arm from around you in favor of holding your hand. Playing with your fingers while he’s having other conversations, like he doesn’t even realize. Hand squeezing your thigh. Or tracing patterns into the material of your pants. Head dropping down on your shoulder when he’s not talking to someone else. And it’s definitely not fine. You’re nursing your drink, but even if you weren’t, his constant presence would sober you. Since you’ve just finally finished your first, you think maybe a second is a good idea.

It’s not. Joshua gets another drink, his third, and you decline. Instead, you stick with the water you’ve been drinking since you couldn’t even finish your second. You want to be able to respond, whatever happens. Respond to whatever new form of affection unlocks with this next drink. 

“I hope you stick around, you’re my favorite of the partners that we’ve met,” Mimi announces to Joshua when he plops back down next to you. 

You’re glad that you hadn’t taken a sip because it would’ve come out immediately. Mimi has been a friend for a long time as well, and you love her, but she doesn’t know the truth. 

“Don’t I know it,” Joshua agrees, earning a lot of laughter. 

“Have you met Johnny yet? I know you’re going to the wedding,” Taehyung wonders. 

“Yeah Johnny showed up magically the night I brought him by to meet my parents, sister, and brother-in-law,” you say, regaining some composure. 

“I think you traded up,” Joshua says, eyes laser focused on you. 

You’re not so lucky this time and you just took a sip. You nearly choke. “Do you?”

“Definitely,” Joshua insists. 

“I agree,” Jimin says and Mimi elbows him in the side. “What?”

“You’re going to the wedding,” she says. 

“So? He’s a fucking tool,” Jimin shrugs off. 

“Are you all going, then?” Joshua asks. 

“A good portion of us, yeah,” Hyejin says. “Family connections, you know?” 

“I wasn’t invited,” Mimi pouts. 

“Want to come?” Taehyung asks and Mimi laughs. 

“Tae, my love, you can’t just invite people,” Mimi says and shakes her head. 

“I have a plus-one,” Taehyung says with a shrug. “I think we all knew I wouldn’t make it to the wedding in my relationship. But, Johnny still thinks I’m bringing someone.”

“Damn, okay. I’m in,” Mimi says. 

“I’m not going either, my family ties weren’t enough to get an invite,” Jeonghan says without any sorrow in his eyes. 

“That’s because of what you said to him after the break up,” Hyejin interrupts with a laugh. 

“I don’t remember saying anything that bad,” Jeonghan shrugs, and examines his finger nails to show how little he cares. 

“Remind me to show you what he said some time, it was fucking gold,” Hyejin says to Joshua.

“Do you have it saved?” you ask.

“I should have it framed, honestly,” Hyejin says. “Get you a best friend like Jeonghan, for real, for real.” 

“Hey, that’s my best friend, get your own,” you joke. 

“That’s a shame you won’t be there though, Han, I could’ve used the familiar face,” Joshua says.

“Like you’re going to be paying attention to anyone but your date,” Hyejin teases. 

“Can you blame me? I still can’t believe how lucky I got,” Joshua says without any hint that he’s pretending. It makes your heart skip a couple beats as you try to catch your breath. 

“Ugh, I’m so single,” Mimi whines. 

“Maybe not after the wedding,” Hyejin teases. 

The conversations devolve from there into separate, smaller chats. Joshua is back to tracing patterns into your leg. Without warning, he pops his head up and places a quick peck on your lips before dropping his head onto your shoulder again. He’s so nonchalant about it that you’re not really sure it even happened. You’ve kissed a couple times like that, quick pecks in public. But, it’s always been when you’ve talked about it. It isn’t until you look up to meet Jeonghan’s eyes that you know it all really happened. 

Joshua, unaware that he’s just turned your world a little upside down, moves his head to look at you again. “You’re beautiful, you know.”

It’s barely a whisper and you know he’s not drunk. He’s not sober either, though. And you’ve had drinks around each other before. He’s just never been quite so glued to your side or free with the compliments. You’re also not usually so singularly focused on him. A fact that doesn’t go entirely unnoticed. 

“Thank you,” you whisper back. 

“I’m kinda hungry,” he continues in a bit of a whine. 

“Well you were the one who thought skipping dinner was smart,” you tease him. 

“But my little honeybunch,” he teases back. You snort and miss the way several of your friends watch the interaction because they know how you are about weird pet names. 

“Try again, sweetheart,” you answer. 

“Sweetheart, I like the way that sounds,” he says, distracted. 

“Just a little longer and we can leave and get something to eat,” you say and he sighs. 

“Fine,” he concedes and kisses your cheek, just barely a whisper away from the corner of your mouth. 

About half an hour later, you say your goodbyes. Despite your suggestions, Joshua continued drinking instead of switching to water. It’s as fine as it can be, though. He’s just an affectionate drinker. He wraps an arm around you, slipping a hand into your back pocket so that he can whisper thanks again. You do your best to shrug it off and let him drape his arms around your shoulder instead. 

The car ride is quiet, initially. You pick a playlist that he made for you after you first met. Something he seems to enjoy. You’re nearly back at his place when he says that he doesn’t have anything to eat. But, luckily, there’s a place around the corner that he loves that’s still open. He manages to place an order on the app, gets something for you as well, and pays before getting there. All you have to do is walk in. 

“I hope you’ll come in and eat with me,” he says when you get back into the car. 

You’re not really sure how to tell him that you don’t want to. Not because you don’t want to spend time with him. Or that you don’t appreciate him ordering something he knows you’ll like. No, it’s so much deeper than that. It’s that you don’t know if your heart can handle it. You’ve got a couple more weeks of this and your heart is taking a beating. All of this is fake. It’ll be over after the wedding. But, the compliments don’t feel fake. The kisses don’t feel fake. The affection doesn’t feel fake. Your heart racing is real, oh so real. You don’t need anyone to tell you that you’re in way too deep. 

None of that comes out, though. 

“Sure, sweetheart,” you say and hold your breath for a second. You hadn’t meant to say that when it was just you. 

Joshua smiles over at you. “Really do like that.” 

Does he know what he’s doing to you? Can he hear your heart hammering in your chest? Can he hear your breath catch? Does he know how insanely beautiful he is? Or that he’s all the more beautiful because he’s so unfailingly kind? 

Probably not, because he gets distracted and starts singing along as the song changes. It’s welcome, but also a little devastating. His voice cuts through you in a way you’re still very unprepared to handle.

After another few minutes, you’re at Joshua’s place. He springs back into action and tries to open your door for you, even though you’re the driver. He settles for taking hold of your hand as he walks to his door, only reluctantly dropping it when he gets to the door. 

His apartment is familiar to you, it has to be for this to be believable. So, he sets the food out and you grab plates. You grab a couple waters from the fridge while he takes the food over to the couch, bypassing the table. You sit next to him, leaving enough space between you that you’re not touching. Hoping he doesn’t think anything of it. 

It’s useless, apparently, because he slides over to press into your side.

What’s worse (not that you thought that was possible) is that he picks things off of your plate and gives you food off his plate. Tries to feed it to you, actually, and pouts when you don’t let him. It takes everything in you not to beg him to be gentle on your heart. He doesn’t even seem to realize what he’s doing to you as he smiles and jokes. Doesn’t seem to think twice about playing with your hands or his hand on your leg or any of the things he usually does when you have an audience. There’s nobody here to see and he’s not usually this touchy when you’re alone. Maybe it’s the drinks.

“I like your friends a lot, you know,” he says out of nowhere.

“They like you, too,” you assure him.

“What about you?” he asks.

“I’d assume they like me as well,” you laugh out.

“No, I meant me. Do you like me?” he asks, eyes big and vulnerable.

Please, Joshua, I’m begging you. Be gentle with me, you think so loud you’re worried he might hear.

“I’m actually a little sick of you,” you joke. 

“But, but,” he begins and dramatically throws himself in your lap. 

“You’re the worst,” you say without any bite. Your hands find their way into his hair, softly running through the strands.

“That feels nice,” he says softly. “Can I just stay like this? I’m tired.” 

“Of course,” you whisper.

“You’ll stay with me?” he asks, sounding like he’s about to drift off.

You’re sure he won’t remember any of this. Not because he’s drunk, but he’s on the edges of sleep. So, you answer in a whisper. “Always.” 

Maybe he’s not the one that needs to be careful with your heart. Maybe it’s you that needs to be careful. You know that you could walk away. That you could just remind him that this is all fake and there’s nobody around to see now. That’s not what you do. So, maybe you’re just as much to blame. 

Sunday Joshua: thanks for taking care of me last night Joshua: idk why the drinks hit me so hard Joshua: when did you leave?  Monday Joshua: is everything okay? Did i say something stupid? Tuesday Joshua: i don’t wanna sound clingy but are we still getting together at your place after work?

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know that you need to respond. You know that what you’re doing isn’t fair to anyone. It’s not like Joshua can somehow read your mind to realize you’re spiraling. It just feels a little paralyzing. This is a weird limbo of knowing you might be in over your head, but still believing this is all fake. 

Jeonghan: hey dummy i know you’re ignoring joshua so i’m coming over tonight  Jeonghan: i told him you’ve been busy at work and i haven’t heard from you either but we have some talking to do

Leave it to Jeonghan. You had almost forgotten, with how well you’ve gotten to know Joshua, that it was Jeonghan who introduced you in the first place. Of course he would text your best friend when he couldn’t get a hold of you. Does that make you feel better? Not really, you think, because it feels like a real relationship in a way. Oh well, you can talk about it with Jeonghan. If he shows up, that is.

And he does, less than an hour later.

“I’m here,” he announces when he comes in the door.

“Thanks for knocking and giving me the chance to pretend I’m not here,” you call back.

“Your car is outside and you have your location turned on,” Jeonghan says. 

“Right,” you answer as he comes through the hall holding a bag from your favorite take out place.

“At least I come bearing gifts,” he says.

“You’re an angel, do you know that?” you ask and reach for the bag.

Jeonghan snorts. “I’m gonna remind you of that the next time you call me a demon.” 

“Well, Lucifer was a fallen angel,” you reason with a shrug. 

“I hate you,” he says.

“I know,” you answer. 

Jeonghan busies himself with taking out the food and making sure you have napkins. Tells you what he wants to drink when you get up to go into the kitchen. Calls for you to grab some utensils as well. By the time you sit back down with him, he’s flipping through a streaming service trying to find something to watch. It’s not at all what you’re expecting and you just let it happen. The two of you have been friends long enough to know you should just let things play out.

With some mindless show on in the background, Jeonghan talks about work and your friends and everything else that’s been going on the past few days. Like it’s been weeks since you last saw him. Mostly, he talks about how Taehyung has been blowing up his phone asking for advice about Mimi, which is actually news to you. Sure, you saw him ask her if she wanted to go with him to the wedding. What you had not expected was for him to actually be interested. Which he is, if his messages to Jeonghan are anything to go by. It’s been everything from advice about talking to her to what kinds of things she might like as a surprise. They would probably be cute, you think. 

“Yeah, well, sometimes feelings catch us off guard,” Jeonghan says when you admit your surprise.

Damn. Did you really walk right into that?

“True,” you admit, knowing that’s the best answer you can give.

“Talk to me,” Jeonghan urges. 

“About what?” you ask to buy more time.

“Joshua,” he says.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you state. That makes him fix you with a look.

“Clearly there is or you wouldn’t be ignoring him,” he says. 

“We’re not really dating so I don’t owe him constant updates. I’m not ignoring him. I just have other shit to do,” you say without looking at him.

“Would you like to be?” he asks. That does make you turn to him.

“Like to be what?” you ask, though you think you know.

“Really dating him,” Jeonghan says.

It’s a crossroads kind of moment. You could say that you don’t want that. That would be a lie, though, and Jeonghan doesn’t like it when you lie. Can always tell the second you say something that’s not true. The truth is that you’ve spent nearly every moment since that stupid night at Hyejin’s place thinking about what you actually feel for your fake boyfriend. 

“I don’t…know,” you say slowly and earn a smile because it’s not a lie.

“I was there the other night too, I saw the way it all played out,” he says.

“I mean, does it matter? This is all fake and soon, it’ll be over,” you say.

“Of course it matters and it’ll be over soon? Please,” Jeonghan scoffs. “I know he’s told you that he wants to keep you in his life after Johnny’s wedding. So, what? You’re just gonna be like okay, that was fun, let’s never talk again?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” you say quietly.

He rolls his eyes. “Try again, buttercup.” 

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t like me like that, he’s just nice,” you say, avoidant as ever. 

“He looks at you like he’d give you the moon if you asked for it,” Jeonghan snorts out.

“He’s just nice, Han,” you disagree.

“Maybe,” your closest friend concedes, a rare move for him. It feels weird all the same. “Whatever it is, text him back. He misses you and I don’t want to hear anymore about how he’s worrying he upset you.”

“He’s been worrying that he upset me?” you ask. Your heart constricts at that.

“Yeah, for some reason he actually likes your company,” he says. “Can’t relate.”

You smack Jeonghan on the arm. “Says the man who shows up at my place unannounced when I ignore him for a day.”

“No, I was just bored,” he argued. “And you’re way too stubborn to sort out your shit on your own.”

 “I’m not stubborn, but fine, I’ll text him,” you relent.

“Now,” he says.

“What?”

“Text him now so that I know you actually did it.”

You roll your eyes at him, but pull your phone out anyway. Angling it away from Jeonghan so that he can’t see your screen. He’s such a nosy brat sometimes.

You: hey, i’m sorry. It’s been really busy and i had a lot on my mind You: wanna do something tomorrow?

The response comes right away and you ignore the smug look on Jeonghan’s face as you quickly make plans. If Jeonghan was anyone else, he would probably just let you be since he ultimately got what he wanted. But, he’s not anyone else. And he’s as caring to his friends as he is calculating when he wants something. So, he’s not doing it to be cruel, not at all. He just wants you to consider what you’re actually feeling. 

You’ll never tell Jeonghan how much you appreciate him talking everything through with you. Never tell him how good it feels to get all the thoughts out of your head. To his credit, he’s not smug and he doesn’t tell you that he’s been right about your feelings all along. He just listens, supports you when you need it, and encourages you to keep thinking through everything that’s going on.

As a make-up for slightly ignoring Joshua (over your own internal freak out), you take him to dinner at your favorite restaurant. It’s this tiny little hole-in-the-wall that people seem to walk past. The kind of place where you couldn’t overspend even if you tried because the couple that owned it just wanted to share good food. The kind of place where they know everyone by name. It makes you feel instantly at ease. 

Joshua doesn’t say it, but he also kind of can’t believe you wanted to show him some place that meant so much to you. All he could do was watch, with so much fondness, as you spoke to the couple about everything under the sun. Watch as you turned slightly red when they scolded you for taking so long to bring Joshua by. Smile as you promised the both of you would be back. Despite trying to pay, you beat him to it. Even leaving a massive tip because you insisted the couple had undercharged you. They made a big show of not wanting to take the tip and you only reminded them the cash would stay sitting on the counter. You weren’t taking it back either. 

You don’t really think about it when you take a picture of you and Joshua to upload on Instagram. At least, you try not to. Later, when you’re home and winding down for the night, you pull the picture back up. It’s amazing just how happy both of you look. You don’t need to read the comments to know that you’ve never looked so happy in your life. Every part of you wants to pull back again. It’s overwhelming. But, Jeonghan’s voice plays in your head and instead you push past. Make more plans that could break your heart. You have to just trust that he won’t. 

It isn’t until the weekend that you’re able to see him again because your schedules didn’t quite match up. That doesn’t stop him from calling you at night, though. Insisting that he wants to know how your day was, even if you can only spare a few minutes for a call. (Which never ends up being the case. You fall asleep on the phone with him twice. His voice is just so soothing when it’s all deep and soft.) 

Again, Joshua tells you the date is a surprise. He can be a little bit of a demon, when it suits him. Sure, he likes to pretend he’s not. That he’s above the chaos. Then, he does something like this and he can’t really escape it. But, he’s so sure he knows what you like that he’s positive you’ll enjoy the date. You remember how that chat had gone, too. You were ready to go to sleep, but unable to say goodnight. 

(“I have our next date planned,” Joshua says, voice soft to match the calm of the night.

“What is it?” you wonder.

“A surprise,” he answers.

“What if I don’t like it?” you ask back.

“You will,” he assures you.

“You sure seem to think you know me,” you joke. 

“Yeah, I do. Don’t worry, you’ll like this too,” he says.

There was no point in denying it. That confidence sent a bit of a shiver through you.) 

It turns out that the date is at a winery where you’re painting with wine. You have to ask him to say it again because you’ve only ever heard of wine and paint classes. Painting with wine is entirely new to you. It sounds fun, though, and you know how crafty Joshua can be, have seen all the projects around his apartment. So, even though you’re definitely not that artistic, you’re excited to see this as well. 

Admittedly, by the end of the session, your painting isn’t bad. It was a bit weird to use wine in that way, but they let you drink as well. Which makes it a lot easier to just go along with the idea of painting. Joshua’s painting, on the other hand, is beautiful. Not for the first time, you think his talents might be wasted at an office job. You’ve seen the bracelets he makes and now you’ve seen him paint. You’ve heard him sing and play the guitar. He’s impossibly artistic in a way that should make you jealous. Instead, it just makes you more endeared to him. 

You snap a picture of him and his art when he’s not looking and upload it before he can even realize it. It’s only when a notification goes off on his phone that he realizes. He doesn’t even say anything, just gets a sparkle in his eyes that makes you weary immediately. He’s busy tapping away on his own phone before a notification sounds on yours. Maybe you weren’t the only one to steal a candid shot if the picture of you laughing with a glass of wine in one hand and a paintbrush in the other is anything to go by. It’s the caption that really ruins you, though. Just a simple “think I’m addicted to her light”. It’s so simple and also so much sweeter than yours. You fight through the urge to run away. 

Which lasts until you get home from dinner. It was the perfect date, truly. Joshua always seems to know exactly how to plan out a day so everything works. After sipping wine and painting, he took you to one of his favorite restaurants. Nothing too pretentious, just kind of unassuming. The kind of place where you get good food and even better conversation. It’s (mostly) easy to keep your mind off the way your heart keeps racing.

When you’re back home, you’re not so lucky.

Back home, alone in your apartment, there aren’t any distractions. Nothing to stop your mind from all the ways that it can sabotage your own happiness. Nothing to stop you from thinking about how nobody, not even Johnny, has ever planned out such thoughtful dates for you. Nobody has ever taken the time to really know you like Joshua. Even if you won’t admit it, he knows you better than anyone you’ve ever dated. Which is terrifying, since this is all fake. And he hasn’t even known you that long. 

So, you do the rational thing and you pull back again. Answer his texts so that he doesn’t send Jeonghan over to figure out what’s wrong, but don’t make solid plans. Talk a lot about a work project that you really need to get done ahead of schedule so that you’re not stressing leading up to the wedding. And you throw in some easy suggestions in the meantime so that it still seems like you’re making an effort. 

Lunch on a work day so that it has a set ending time. Which still tugs at your heartstrings a bit because he takes a longer lunch just to meet you closer to where you work. 

An event where your parents purchased a table for charity because he’s in high demand with your family around. And he can’t be as affectionate. 

His Open Mic Nights, but with the excuse that you can’t stay too late because of your project and he should stick around with his friends. You’ll get home safely.

Small little things that keep you around him and keep up your conversations while still giving you time to breathe. You’re sure that you’re pulling it all off. And then, the wedding is around the corner. The finish line is in sight. 

You: I’m not going to the wedding You: you don’t have to come pick me up Joshua: what are you talking about? You: i’m not going Joshua: but it’s literally in a few hours? You: yeah and i don’t wanna go, so you’re off the hook You: thanks for everything, but you don’t have to pretend anymore

Even if you know you’re being a little petulant, you don’t really care. This whole thing was supposed to be about protecting your heart. Protecting your pride. Not showing up to your cheating ex-fiance's wedding alone and looking like some kind of loser. It was not supposed to be about your heart getting clobbered anyway. So, you’re doing the only logical thing you can think of. Ignoring your problems. Avoiding both the wedding and Joshua. What you’re not prepared for, though you should be, is the knock that comes at your door half an hour later. 

Joshua is on the other side of the door and your heart actually stops. He’s got his tux on and his hair styled back off his face. His eyes are soft as they take you in, noting that you have your hair and make up done. Though, you’re still in your sweats. You got at least that far before you decided this was a stupid fucking decision. 

“Can I come in?” he asks when you don’t say anything.

“Sure,” you say and step aside. 

“You look like you’re getting ready,” he comments once he’s inside.

“I was, until I texted you,” you answer. “Speaking of, why are you here?”

“Because we had plans,” he says. 

“Yeah to go see my ex-fiance marry the girl he cheated on me with. Oh, and for you to pretend to be my boyfriend so I didn’t look pathetic,” you say with a huff. 

“You’re not pathetic. He’s an asshole,” Joshua says. He doesn’t swear often, so it catches you a little off guard. 

“Well, whatever, you don’t have to go. So, I’m not really sure why you’re here,” you say. 

“You’re being so cold. What’s going on?” Joshua asks and reaches out to you. Instead, you duck away from his touch. 

“Nothing is going on. It was stupid to care what Johnny thought or to try and save face somehow,” you say. 

“It’s not stupid. He hurt you and you didn’t deserve that,” Joshua urges.

“You really don’t know me that well. Maybe I did deserve it. Maybe I was awful to him and he had no choice,” you say.

“We both know that’s not true,” he says.

“Do we?” you challenge. 

“Yes, we do,” he presses. “There is nothing you could do that justifies cheating instead of just breaking it off. But, I also know you didn’t do anything wrong. Jeonghan and I talked about it.”

“You spoke to Jeonghan about my relationship behind my back?” you question. 

“What is going on? We’ve been hanging out for weeks and getting to know each other. I just wanted to know more about someone I was going to be helping. And I like knowing you,” Joshua says and you have to look away. You don’t need the reminder of how much time you’ve spent with him.

“Yeah, sorry about all that time we wasted. I’ll pay you back for the tux or anything else you had to buy to pretend to date me,” you say and he looks genuinely confused.

“I don’t…want you to pay me back for anything. It wasn’t a waste of time. I did this because I wanted to,” he says.

“Yeah, well, you don’t have to pretend anymore because I’m not going to the stupid fucking wedding. It was a really bad idea in the first place,” you say.

Joshua clenches his jaw and looks away. Like maybe he’s frustrated. “What is going on? Do you still have feelings for him?” 

“For who? Johnny?” you ask, so insanely caught off guard that you forget you’re mad.

“Yes,” Joshua says tightly.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you bark out.

“Well? You’re being really weird and now you don’t want to go to a wedding that we’ve been planning on,” he starts.

“Yeah, which should make you happy, since you don’t have to pretend to be my boyfriend anymore,” you say.

“Because you’re still in love with Johnny,” Joshua finishes like he hadn’t even heard you.

“Oh my god,” you nearly scream. “I’m not fucking in love with Johnny. This isn’t about him.”

“So, you don’t want to go to the wedding and it has nothing to do with him? That doesn’t make any sense,” he says. 

“No, I don’t want to keep doing this,” you say, gesturing between the two of you. “I don’t want to keep pretending to date you when I -”

You clamp your mouth shut. Unable to believe that you almost blurted out how you feel.

“When you what?” he challenges. “What? Is it that bad being around me? Is that it? Are you just sick of me? Ready to toss me aside?”

You laugh bitterly, not even able to appreciate the irony in the situation. “No, Joshua, I don’t want to toss you aside.” 

“Then, what? What am I supposed to think when you’ve been pushing me away for the last couple weeks? And I have to act like I haven’t noticed all the ways you’ve kept me at arm’s length since we went to the winery. Why did you just decide, literally today, that you don’t want to go to the wedding after all?” he asks, rambling. He’s pacing in front of you. “Why are you trying so hard to get rid of me?”

“Because I don’t want to get hurt!” you blurt out. “Because I don’t want to go to my fucking scumbag of an ex’s wedding where everyone is going to be giving me these looks of pity or focusing on my relationship with him when all I want is this.”

“This? What?” he asks, coming to a stop.

“This, Joshua, you and me. Having this just all be pretend is breaking my heart. I can’t keep doing it. It was supposed to keep me from getting my heart broken. It sucks and I hate it and I just wish it wasn’t pretend. I don’t want to go to the wedding and have you be so sweet and kind and caring when I’m going to know it has an expiration date. That it’s all just been for show,” you admit. You turn away, clutching your arms around your center because you’re so tired. And so exposed. So vulnerable. It’s awful.

The tears won’t stop, so you don’t notice how Joshua has closed the space between you until he wraps his arms around you from behind. Pulls you back against his chest and presses a kiss into your hair.

“So, let’s stop saying it’s pretend,” he whispers. 

“What?” you whisper back.

He turns you in his arms so that you’re facing him and gently brushes away the tears. “Let’s stop saying it’s fake. It doesn’t feel fake, does it?”

“No,” is all you can manage.

“So, it’s not fake and we’re not pretending,” he says.

“But,” you start to protest. 

“I knew I was in trouble, really deep trouble, as soon as we left your parents’ house. I was just waiting for you to catch up,” he says as he gently runs a thumb across your cheek to wipe away a tear . Your eyes go wide.

“That was barely a week in,” you say and he just shrugs. “And I’d dumped all my bullshit on you.”

“I think that’s actually what made me like you so much,” he says. “It was supposed to be fake and we were trying to get to know each other well enough to pull it off. But, instead, I just realized you were actually perfect.”

“Perfect? I was broken,” you joke and he shakes his head.

“No, you’ve been hurt. Who hasn’t? You’re also strong, kind, funny, a fiercely loyal friend, and one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, inside and out,” he says. 

“That’s so, you’re so sweet,” you say and try to hide your face. He doesn’t let you. “You like me?”

“I’ve liked you the whole time. I did think it was a date, after all,” he says. “And do you think I’m that affectionate with everyone?”

“We were pretending,” you argue.

“I wasn’t,” he argues back.

“Our closest friends thought you were,” you disagree.

“And was anyone else there in my apartment when I was still being affectionate?” he asks.

“Well, no, but…” you start.

“I heard you say always,” he tells you.

“You did?” you ask, sure that it’s been your secret this whole time.

“We don’t have to go to the wedding. But, if it’s just because you don’t want this to be over with me, then it’s not going to be over. I’m yours for as long as you want me,” he says so earnestly it nearly makes you blush.

“Careful, you might get sick of me,” you joke.

He puts a finger under your chin so he can look you in the eyes. “I’ll say it again. I’m yours as long as you want me. I won’t get sick of you.” 

“I…” you start and don’t know where to go. So you do the only thing you can think of and kiss him. It’s clear he’s a little caught off guard, but he recovers quickly. His arms wrap around you to hold you tight against him. It’s the first time you’ve really kissed him and you’re so screwed because he really is perfect at this too. 

“So, do I get you for the rest of today?” he asks.

You take in his tuxedo again, for real this time. Appreciating how well it’s tailored and how amazing he looks. With a sigh, you say, “you know, it’s a shame to waste such a nice tux.”

“Are you…I thought we weren’t going,” he stutters.

“I’m probably gonna have to fix my makeup in the car, but why not? I want to show off my super hot and very real boyfriend,” you say and watch him choke on air. 

“You can’t just say…” he starts.

“Damn, sick of me already?” you tease.

“You know I’m not,” he answers and moves to follow you.

“No, no. You don’t get to see me changing. I’ll be back out in a second,” you say. 

You’re in the middle of shimmying into your dress when you realize that you do still have a lot to talk about. A lot to figure out. This whole situation has been unusual, though, so it probably makes sense that there isn’t a template. Once you have your shoes on, you walk back into the living room, prepared to say something, only to find Joshua speechless.

“You look…” he starts.

“You’ve seen the dress already,” you say and smile.

“Not on you. Not in person. You look amazing,” he says and crosses to pull you into his arms. “Are you sure we have to go?”

“Yes,” you say and swat him. “But, I do know we have a lot to talk about.”

“I’m not in a rush,” he says and allows you to step away.

“We might need to be in a bit of a rush,” you say, checking the time and gathering all your things. 

“Let’s go, then,” Joshua says and offers his arm. 

The wedding passes in kind of a blur. In truth, you barely even register Johnny or what he’s doing beyond the actual ceremony. The reception is so massive that it’s easiest just to focus on the people around you. Especially when you’re at a table with your friends. Thankfully, you’re not at a table with your parents or your sister. It does mean, though, that you’re sitting next to Hyejin, who has definitely realized that something shifted between you and Joshua. So, she’s trying to sneak in a question any time she can. Which is hard, given that Joshua is more attached to you than ever. And Hyejin doesn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to you. All you manage to let her know is that it’s real now and that you’ll fill her in after the wedding. (You’re also thankful that people seem to be cooing over Taehyung and Mimi since they’re the shiny new topic.)

It’s also nice to have Joshua there because he’s a built in way to excuse yourself from any conversation that you don’t want to be part of. It’s easy to just say you’re going to go back to the table. Or, in the case of a good song coming on, he’ll be quick to drag you to the dance floor and away from whatever conversation you’re stuck in. He’s a good dancer, too. You don’t miss the way Hyejin catches your eye when the first slow song comes on and he pulls you close to him. But, that’s a conversation for another day. All you wanted was to appreciate the way his hand felt on your lower back or your hand felt in his. 

When it was finally time to leave, Joshua led you out of the event, arm around you to guide you. Neither of you were drunk, but you had still hired someone to take you to and from the wedding anyway. A gift from your parents to appreciate you “doing the right thing” and coming to the wedding. For the sake of the families. It made you roll your eyes at the time, yet you’re thankful now. It would be far better than having to take an Uber or trying to get a room at the hotel (and risking seeing everyone else staying there the next morning). The ride home also gave you the chance to talk. Really talk. Neither of you cared much that someone else was driving (and he had the partition up, anyway), as you talked about your feelings honestly for the first time. 

As it turned out, you had a lot to say. Both of you. You hadn’t been nearly as good at hiding your feelings from Joshua as you had been at hiding them from yourself. He had hoped you were going to admit them to him after that night at his apartment. Instead, you avoided him. Yes, he knew that you had been avoiding him. You also weren’t very good at picking up on the signs he dropped about his feelings for you. He admitted that he could have just said something, but he was trying to be subtle so he didn’t scare you off. Trying to let his actions speak through more affection. You admit you were scared to think it was anything more than it actually was. Scared of your feelings. Scared of getting hurt again. Joshua completely understands that and admits that he’s a little scared, too, because you’re definitely more important to him than he was anticipating. He’s also confident that you can work through it together. It gives you a feeling of hope. Makes everything about you feel lighter. You see that relief reflected in Joshua’s eyes when they scan yours. 

The car pulls to a stop and he gets out first. He holds his hand out to help you out of the car. You’re not really sure what comes over you.

“Come up with me,” you ask, but it’s more of a statement. 

He hesitates, conflicted. “I don’t know if I should.”

“Why?” you ask, clearly confused.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to leave,” he answers and you smile.

“Then stay,” you shrug, “at least for breakfast.” 

Without waiting for him to respond, you turn and head for the front door of the building. It means you miss the way he freezes in place, but you can guess at that by how long it takes before he catches up to you. He’s unusually quiet and still beside you as you go up the elevator and then behind you as you unlock the door. 

“I’m gonna go change,” you announce after you drop your keys by the door. You look back at Joshua, appreciating him in the tuxedo one last time. “I’ve got some clothes in the spare room that should fit. They’re Jeonghan’s ” 

You take the opportunity to breathe for a second, to let it settle in that you asked Joshua to come in with you and stay the night. Then, you set about changing out of your dress. Carefully clean your face free of the make-up. Brush through your hair and twist it back off of your face. Once you’re in comfy clothes and bare faced, you head back out into the living room. It’s odd that you don’t even feel self-conscious about Joshua seeing you like this, you’re instantly comfortable. 

Joshua’s back is to you in the kitchen. When he turns around, you see that he’s put together a little platter of snacks. You also were right, the t-shirt and shorts he picked out seem to fit him well. Jeonghan is a little slighter than Joshua, but he wears most of his clothes on the baggier side. 

“Thanks for the clothes,” he says when you both meet on the couch. “I was worried when you said you had spare clothes they were gonna be from an ex or Johnny or something.” 

Your laugh is sudden and clearly catches Joshua off guard. “I wouldn’t have kept any of Johnny’s clothes. I gave them all to charity.” 

“I’m sure he was thrilled with that,” Joshua laughs.

“They made a killing reselling them,” you laugh in response. “Wanna watch something?”

“Sure, you pick,” he says.

You start clicking through your saved list to find something that the two of you can watch. Once you settle on something, Joshua motions you over. Even if you want to pretend you’re considering it, you can’t. Every part of you wants to be close to him. When you slide over, he pulls you in tighter to his body and you fit like you always belonged there with him. 

If you thought he was physically affectionate when he was pretending, it’s nothing compared to now that he knows you’re both in this. He has one hand running along your arm or the other along your thigh. Sometimes he reaches out to take one of your hands. Other times he presses kisses into your hair. It’s pretty clear right away that he’s not paying much attention to the show. 

If you’re being honest, you’re not really either.

Everything is distracting. The way his fingers on the bare skin of your arm raises goosebumps. The way his kiss in your hair makes your eyes close in appreciation. The way he squeezes your thigh and short circuits your brain. 

You can’t help it. You turn your head so that you can look at him. He caresses your cheek, so gentle. Runs his thumb across your lip. You’re holding your breath, just waiting to see what he’s going to do. When you feel like you’re going to go a little bit insane, his hand moves to the back of your neck and pulls you in. It’s exactly like the first kiss before the wedding. At least, at first. It’s gentle, but full of so much desire. It’s also slow, like there’s no rush to any of it.

The position is really uncomfortable, though. You shift your legs so they’re draped over one of Joshua’s. He doesn’t miss a beat. It just allows him to pull you closer. There’s something incredibly intimate in kissing him like this. There’s this weird contrast of desire and comfort. It’s heated, but also a little lazy. Like you have all the time in the world. Which you do, you think, now that you’re being honest about your feelings.  When Joshua pulls back from the kiss, you chase his lips for a second before realizing that he’s pulled away. The way he looks at you nearly melts you into the couch.

“I don’t want to assume where this is headed, but maybe we should take it to the bedroom?” he asks. It’s cute, the way he’s a little shy. Like you didn’t invite him in to spend the night. Yeah, you’re in way over your head. At least it seems like he might be too. 

You pull your legs back so that you can stand up. His eyes track your movements as you reach your hand back to him. He accepts it without a word and lets you lead him to the bedroom. Even if he’s seen your bedroom before, this feels different. You’re waiting for him to look around, but his eyes are glued on you. Joshua even waits for you to lead him all the way to the bed, so you direct him to sit on the edge. 

Once Joshua is seated, you step between his legs and tilt your head down to kiss him. He wraps his arms around you so that he can pull you against him. There’s barely any space between you. It sends a little bit of a shiver as his hands run up your back and back down. The touch is gentle and caring. Like he’s trying to put everything he feels into it. Something about it just makes you feel so insanely safe. 

He’s the one to break the kiss again, but this time it’s to move back onto the bed and grab your hand to pull you along with him. It’s easy to just follow suit and get comfortable laying next to him, bodies facing each other. The kissing picks up when your lips meet again. Joshua kisses you breathless with a passion you’re eager to explore. One of his hands rests on your hip, casually sliding beneath your shirt and caressing up your side. You press your body further into his and capture his moan with a kiss. It feels like you’re a bit drunk off each other.

When Joshua’s hand moves back down, you take the chance to throw your leg over his hip, allowing you to press further into him and feel how this is turning him on. Part of you knows that he’s still waiting for you to set the pace. Or that he wants things to be a little slower. So, you help him out and roll the two of you over so that you’re straddled on top of him. Putting his hands on your hips, you lean over to kiss him again. In this position, you can also grind into his lap. You delight in how he’s already getting hard beneath you, enjoy the way his hands grip the soft flesh of your hips.

He pulls back and looks at you with blown pupils. “Baby, please don’t tease me.” 

“No silly pet name?” you tease him. 

“Not when you’re getting me this turned on like a horny teenager,” he whines. 

“You mean like this?” you ask, injecting as much innocence as you can when you slowly drag your clothed pussy across his dick again. 

Joshua throws his head back, eyes squeezed shut, and grips you tighter. “Yes.” 

“So you don’t like it?” you ask, grinding a little more. 

“Fuck,” he hisses out. And somehow that’s the thing that almost breaks you. Why is that one swear so hot on his lips? 

Without saying anything, you sit up a little bit, still making sure you’re straddling Joshua, so that you can pull his shirt off him. Your eyes go wide because you’ve never seen him shirtless. You’ve seen him in well fitted suits or shirts, but this is entirely different. His chest looks like it was sculpted by an artist. All your attention is on your fingers running along his chest and you don’t see the way it makes him a little shy. 

His hands reach for your own shirt, playing with the hem like he’s asking permission. So, you move his hands aside and pull it over your head, leaving your skin bare as well. You watch him drink you in, feeling almost empowered by the desire you see in his eyes. He pulls you back towards him so that he can get one of your breasts into his mouth. The way he teases your nipple with his tongue has you clenching around nothing. You can feel how wet it’s making you and try your best not to squirm when he moves from one breast to the other. 

“I need you,” you utter. 

“I need you, too,” he says against your skin. His hips buck up into you almost involuntarily. 

You slide off of him and pull your shorts down and he gasps that you don’t have any underwear on. It isn’t like you were expecting anything, you just wanted to be prepared. While he’s still a little drunk on the sight of you fully naked, you help him discard the rest of his clothing. The sight of his cock springing free, precum leaking out, has you wanting to get your mouth on him. 

But, you’re realizing, what you really want is to feel him inside you. After so much tension and wondering, you just want to have this moment together. You want to be as close as two people can possibly get. You want all the intimacy and to be able to see his face. It’s this thought that pushes you back to the bed to lay with him. 

Joshua repositions and runs a hand down your body. Lets his fingers run along your thighs and tease their way up to gather some of your wetness. Your eyes close as he runs a finger up your slit. It’s such a little amount of contact and it makes you moan anyway. 

“Damn, are you this wet just for me?” he asks and presses a kiss into the first bit of your skin he can reach.

“I want to feel you,” you admit. Joshua makes you press a finger into your pussy, but you stop him. Confusion takes over his features.

“I thought…do you not want this?” he asks. 

“I do, but I want…I want all of you,” you admit. “I want to feel you deep inside of me. I want to be completely ruined by you. I want to come together.” 

“Shit,” he hisses, hand stilling against your body. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?” you ask.

“I want to taste you soon,” he says, pressing a kiss into your shoulder.

The thought of him between your legs makes you shiver. It’s almost enough to forget that you want this first time to be together. “Deal.” 

“Do you have condoms? I wasn’t exactly expecting…” he says, trailing off.

“That drawer,” you say and point. 

He rolls himself off of the bed to open the drawer. You’re not sure why you expect his hands to be a little unsteady when he rips open the wrapper and rolls it onto himself, but he’s so calm. Maybe it’s just you that’s a little nervous. At least, that’s what you think until you catch the look on his face. It has to be the same as yours, naked want mixed with a little bit of uncertainty. Everything else has been so easy with you, what if this is where it goes wrong? 

“Just lay back,” he urges you, voice calming any lingering nerves. His voice drops to a whisper, like the next statement is just for him. “You’re so beautiful, every single inch of you.” 

It makes your heart constrict in a way that you’re not really prepared for. It would be nice if your feelings could stop flooding in all at once like a dam breaking. It’s overwhelming. You do as he says, though, and lean back against the pillow. Joshua gently spreads your legs apart and takes another moment to appreciate you. He can’t seem to help himself from running a finger along your entrance. 

Even though he would fully be within his rights to tease you, he doesn’t. He lines himself up at your entrance and looks to you for final confirmation. All you can manage is a nod. You know he wants to hear you, but you can’t bring yourself to form the words. So, he accepts the nods and slowly presses into you.

“Fuck,” you hiss as you adjust to him. 

“Are you okay?” he worries.

“Feels good,” you say with a slight whine. “It’s just been a bit.” 

He presses the rest of the way into you and then stills so you can get used to him. It’s really overwhelming. Not just because you’re finally feeling him inside of you. More so because he’s looking at you with more adoration than you’ve ever felt in your life. Like this is it for him. Like you’re it for him. It’s too early to be thinking of love, but you really don’t know if anyone has ever loved you so completely. You think he’s probably it for you too. 

Once he finally starts to move, you know it’s going to be over entirely too fast. He starts with slow thrusts, testing what you want. You dig your fingers into his arms as a way to ground yourself. To anchor yourself to him and in the moment. When he picks up the pace, your mind goes entirely blank. It’s just the right speed. While you love the hard and fast fucking, there’s something so much more intimate about this kind of in between speed. 

“God you feel so good,” he whines as he snaps into you again. “So tight and perfect.” 

“You’re so - oh my god,” you moan out, unable to finish the sentence as he hits you just right. 

Joshua moves one of your legs so that it’s over his shoulder and presses further into you, hitting deeper than you were prepared for.

“Fuck, Joshua, holy shit,” you scream out. 

“Love the sound of my name on your lips,” he manages as his thrusts pick up pace. 

You want to respond that you love saying it, want to say anything, but the thrusts are entirely too much. As if it wasn’t already too much, Joshua adjusts again so that he can press his thumb against your clit. He rubs circles in time with his thrusts and you think that you might see stars. You throw your head back, eyes pressed shut.

“Look at me, baby. I wanna see you when you come,” he urges, his own voice sounding ragged. 

Despite wanting to focus on the pressure building between you, you do as he asks. Your eyes meet his and it’s that look that makes that coil snap. You’re coming hard and digging your fingers into whatever you can find to release some of the tension in your body. This might be the best orgasm you’ve had. 

When you come back to this plane, Joshua has stilled inside of you. One of his hands gently caresses your face as he mumbles quiet praises. It’s so impossibly tender.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, you can move,” you assure him.

“Thank fuck,” he mumbles. 

His pace now picks up to something fast and hard with one of his large hands anchoring your thigh to his body. Your hands grip any part of his body that they can reach and you relish the way he hisses when your nails drag patterns down his skin. Marking him so that he belongs to you. Just as you belong so completely to him. 

It seems impossible but you can feel the tension building low in your stomach again. His thrusts are so hard that you feel like his cock might split you open and something about it just works for you. You hadn’t thought anything about him would translate to this kind of hard and fast sex, but it’s somehow better than you could have imagined. With him so focused on chasing his own high, you rub circles on your clit to bring yourself over the edge again. You tumble over the edge for a second time just as Joshua’s thrusts get erratic. You do your best to take over the rhythm before slowing down. 

Joshua collapses on top of you, cock still buried in your pussy, and sighs. His weight on top of you feels like the best security you’ve ever had. Your hands find their way into his hair, gently stroking and scratching his scalp. As he comes back around, he presses his head further into your hand. 

“Hey,” you say when he looks up at you.

“You’re perfect,” he responds and you can’t keep the smile off your face. 

“You were pretty perfect yourself,” you say. 

“Am I too heavy, I could…” he starts and you pull him tighter against you.

“Don’t you dare,” you warn. 

He doesn’t say anything, just nuzzles his face into your neck. But, you know that you can’t stay like this forever. So you don’t protest when he gently pulls himself up and gets out of the bed. You’re right behind him, leading him into the bathroom so that you can get both of you cleaned up. 

After getting cleaned up, dressed, and doing your respective night time routines, you and Joshua are settled back into your bed (on top of a fresh set of sheets). Although you’ve never been much for falling asleep cuddling, you can’t imagine leaving any space between you and him. When he wraps himself around you, all you can do is smile and settle deeper into his perfect chest. Honestly, every inch of this man is perfect and you’d be annoyed if you weren’t so helplessly attached to him. 

And it’s the best sleep you’ve gotten in a long time. You wake up with his chest pressed into your back and his arm still wrapped around you. It sounds like he’s still asleep based on his breathing and so you’re just considering slipping out of the bed. He moves in his sleep and pulls you tighter against him, making you feel that he’s semi-hard again. You press back against him, almost testing if he’s really asleep. 

He’s not. 

Joshua’s hand, already against the skin of your stomach and underneath your shirt, moves further up to your breast. His hand squeezes your breast and then he brushes his thumb over your nipple. Your body responds to his touch embarrassingly fast, which only seems to spur him on. He’s got your nipple between his fingers before you press back into him again, wiggling your ass against his dick without pretending you’re doing otherwise.

“Good morning beautiful,” Joshua says in a raspy voice into your ear. 

The warmth of his breath along with the pressure of him rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger has you suppressing a moan. In the quiet of the morning, he hears it anyway. He removes his hand from your breast and you want to pout at the loss of contact. That is, until his hand works down between your legs, roughly grabbing hold of your pussy through your shorts. He runs his middle finger through your folds, likely feeling the way your shorts are getting soaked through already. 

“Feels like someone might have woken up ready,” he says into your ear, voice sinfully low. His finger is still slowly teasing you through the damn material of your shorts. Somehow that makes it feel hotter. 

“I wonder why,” you retort, undermined by the way you squirm under his touch. 

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks and stops his movements. 

Your hand immediately moves to his. To guide him back to your cunt. “Please don’t. Want to see what those hands can do.” 

His mouth is still by your ear, so you hear the dark chuckle and feel the air tickle you. He moves your hand aside along with your shorts as he slips his hand inside the fabric. His middle finger resumes the previous pattern almost lazily. You’re about to ask him to stop teasing you when he presses a finger inside you suddenly.

“Fuck,” you nearly scream. 

“Is someone a little sensitive?” he teases. He’s a fucking demon and you would gladly sell your soul so he didn’t stop. 

The way he pumps his finger inside of you is entirely too slow. But, when you try to meet his rhythm, he stops. Just when you think you might actually die, he inserts a second finger. It makes your back arch, pressing your ass further against his now very hard cock. He hisses and pulls his fingers out from you. As you’re turning over to adjust your position, you see him insert his fingers into his mouth. Holy shit. He really is the hottest man you’ve ever met. 

Instead of letting you carry on in any way, he pushes himself up and repositions. You’re not really sure what he’s doing until he reaches for your shorts to pull them off. His focus is on you, silently asking for permission again. All you can do is nod. 

“Told you that I wanted to taste you,” he reminds you once your shorts are off. 

“Are you sure…” you start to ask before he cuts you off.

His head snaps up so he can meet your eyes. “I’ve been waiting to taste you for weeks.”

That shuts you up pretty effectively. What can you really say in response to that? Anything you might have said dies in your throat as he licks a messy stripe up your folds. He quickly settles, using one hand to keep you spread open for him, and licks into you. It’s all you can do to keep your eyes on him as his head bobs between your legs. You thread your fingers through his hair to keep him in place even though you know he’s not going anywhere. (And okay, maybe it’s more to ground yourself to him than anything else.) 

It shouldn’t be surprising that his attentiveness translates this well, but it is a little surprising how well he seems to know your body. The way he knows just when to switch from licking into your cunt to flicking his tongue over your clit. The way he knows when he needs to add a finger and then a second. The way he can tell everything your body needs before you even realize it. 

By the time he pulls himself up your body, he’s got you nearly panting from the build up. The kiss he presses to your lips is sloppy and a little desperate. Like you’re both totally fucked out. His fingers inside you keep a relentless pace as he hooks them, hitting that perfect spot. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you yell out, breaking the kiss. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire in an entirely different way from the night before. 

There’s nothing in the world but Joshua and the way he coaxes everything out of you. The way he has you squirting on his fingers. You’re not even sure if the praise coming out of your mouth makes any sense and you’re definitely not sure what he says in return. It’s all you can do just to appreciate the moment. 

You think that you’re going to get the chance to get your mouth around his cock now that he’s given you another mind blowing orgasm. But, by the time you get your breathing under control, you see that he’s rolling a condom from your drawer onto himself. He pulls you to the edge of the bed so that your legs are hanging off. It’s instantly stronger than you’re expecting from him and pulls a gasp from you. 

Without even thinking, your legs fall open. Joshua seems to have found a bottle of lube, too, and spreads it over his cock. When he lines himself up at your entrance, you expect him to ease in like the night before. He doesn’t. He snaps his full length inside of you in one motion and you’re so overstimulated, but it feels so good.

“Fuck me, Joshua, oh my fucking god,” you say and clench down around his dick. 

“Shit, that feels so good,” he hisses. 

“You feel so good,” you moan. 

“You have no idea,” he answers and starts thrusting. 

It’s a complete haze from the moment you hear his skin slap against your own. Every coherent thought leaves your head. There is nothing in the world but you and him and the way you make each other feel. He leans over your body, crowds your space. Steals sloppy, desperate kisses. Praises you constantly and in broken sentences. It’s all you can do just to hold on, so sore and so unable to stop.

Your hands grip into the sheets around you that are completely rumpled. You try everything to keep your eyes on Joshua’s face. Memorize the way he looks when he’s concentrating. Appreciate how totally gone he is because you’re sure it’s the same look you have. Delight in the way his eyes get even wider when you clench your pussy around him. 

It feels a little like he’s using your body to chase his own high, except there’s total comfort in that. All you want is for him to feel as good as you do. All you want is for him to get that release, especially since you haven’t been able to get your mouth on his cock yet. 

“Harder Joshua, please. I know you’re close,”  you beg and he obliges immediately. 

Even though you’re trying to meet the rhythm, you can’t. It’s too erratic and too unpredictable. So you pull him down to you again and kiss him. Slip your tongue inside his mouth and let the kisses get as sloppy as they need to. You feel how close he is and only kiss him harder. He breaks the kiss for the last few thrusts, groaning as he comes. You’re right there with him. 

(Later, he tells you that he’s never seen anyone hotter than you when you come. It would make you embarrassed in any other situation. But, you realize that you’ve never been with anyone that’s come close to him, so maybe it’s okay to accept his praise. Maybe you deserve it. Maybe this is the person that you’ve been waiting for.)

Now, you really do have to get up and clean up. As tempting as Joshua’s offer to shower together is, you don’t want it to turn into shower sex because that’s just not sexy (or practical). Neither one of you can seem to guarantee keeping their hands off the other. Instead, you tell him that he can use the shower in your guest room. It’s fully stocked and there are still more spare clothes in there. He insists that he should get some laundry going because you must be running out of clean sheets and you definitely made a mess. 

With Joshua cleaning up some around the house, you’re the first out of the shower and dressed. Pleasantly sore in the kind of way you really enjoy. You’re sitting on the couch and scrolling through your phone, trying to decide if you want to order food or just cook what you already have. Before you can make a decision, there’s a knock at the door. It’s impossible to guess who it could be. Even Jeonghan wouldn’t bother you like this. Although he’s been texting asking for an update after you told him you finally got your shit together, he wouldn’t show up like this. 

When you open the door, you’d give anything for it to just be Jeonghan. Instead, you see a face that you’ve been seeing entirely too much lately.

“What are you doing here, Johnny?” you ask with a heavy sigh. 

“I need to talk to you,” he says.

“Why?” you ask.

“Come on, don’t be like that,” he pleads.

“Johnny, it’s the day after your wedding. What the fuck are you doing on my doorstep?” you ask, arms crossed. 

“Are you really going to make me do this in the hallway?” he asks. 

“I don’t see any reason to invite you inside,” you retort. 

“It’s about your, uh, boyfriend,” Johnny says a little awkwardly.

“Joshua?” you ask because that actually piques your interest a bit.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

“No. What about Joshua?” you ask.

“This is really awkward. It would be better if we were sitting down…” Johnny starts.

“My little honeybun, is everything okay?” Joshua asks from inside the apartment. He must be out of the shower. 

“Babe, we talked about the pet names,” you remind him as he joins you at the door.

“Oh, uh, I wasn’t expecting him to be here,” Johnny says.

“I’m her boyfriend, so I know why I’m here. What are you doing here?” Joshua says without hiding any disdain.  "Are you really her boyfriend, though?" Johnny challenges. You stiffen almost imperceptibly, but Joshua must notice it because he wraps an arm around you protectively. "Of course I am. Why are you here?"

“I needed to talk to her,” Johnny says stiffly.

“About you, apparently,” you say with your eyes on Joshua. 

“Right, so can you give us a minute?” Johnny asks with his eyes on Joshua.

“No, he can’t. If you have something to say, just say it. Then you can leave us alone,” you say.

“Fine, if you really want it to be like this, fine,” Johnny says. “I knew he looked familiar when I saw him at your parents’ house with you. It just took me a while. I ran into him at a couple of functions back when I was in college and traveling all around for my dad.” 

“Okay? And? I’m sorry, but I’m not sure why I care,” you say even though you know where he’s going.

“He was always with older women,” Johnny presses. 

“Can you just make your point so we can get back to our day?” Joshua asks.

“Fine,” Johnny says, irritated. “The whispers were that women paid him to come to the events with them. That he was selling himself to them.” 

You actually snort at the phrasing. It takes you several seconds to compose yourself. You wonder what the point of Johnny doing this and if it’s his way of trying to keep you on the hook. Then you realize that you don’t really care what he does. For the first time in forever, you’re genuinely happy. 

“I’m glad you think this is funny,” Johnny says. 

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I know how Joshua helped pay for his education. And like why am I going to give him a hard time over seizing an opportunity? There’s nothing wrong with profiting off of someone wanting his company platonically,” you say. 

“You’re assuming he wasn’t also sleeping with them,” Johnny says, a little stubborn.

“No, I’m not assuming. I know he wasn’t because we’ve talked about this. He told me all about it without even being prompted. And unlike certain people in my life, I have absolutely no reason to doubt him. I know I can actually trust him,” you say. “It was also years before we met. We’ve all got history.”

“Nice dig,” he says. 

“It’s not a dig, Johnny. Not everything is a slight,” you say with a sigh. “Where does Gabby think you are?”

“What?” Johnny asks. 

“Your wife,” you clarify. “Where does she think you are?”

“Oh, well, that’s not important. I just said I had some errands to take care of,” Johnny says and you roll your eyes.

“We’re done, Johnny,” you say.

“Wait,” he says as you’re moving to shut the door. “I know I fucked up, but…”

“There’s no buts. Not anymore,” you say. “Maybe there was a point where I’d want to hear the buts and the apologies and all that. I’m happy now, though, and you can’t even tell your wife that you came to see your ex-fiancee the day after your wedding.” 

“It’s not like…” he starts and you start to close the door at the same time.

“It’s exactly like that. Goodbye, Johnny,” you say. 

The second you close the door, you feel a giant weight lifted off you. You just feel tired. It’s obvious that there aren’t any feelings there anymore, so him pretending he cares as a pretense to see you just feels irritating.

“Are you okay?” Joshua asks, eyes raking over you.

“Yeah, I’m good,” you say.

“You sure?” he asks.

“Yeah, really. I think I knew when I saw him at my parents’ house that time you came over for dinner that I was completely over it,” you say. “I’m sorry he tried to bring something like that up or make it a big deal.” 

“I don’t care. It’s like you said, I did it and I’m not ashamed of that,” he says. “But, uh, I really wanted to thank you.”

“For what?” you ask.

“For defending me and for saying you trust me,” he says. It makes you a little shy for a second, so you look down.

“Oh, well, it’s not a big deal,” you say. 

Joshua closes the space and tilts your chin up to look at him. “It’s a huge deal to me. I know we started pretending, but trusting me means the absolute world.” 

“You make it easy,” you admit. 

That seems to render him a little speechless as well because all he does is pull you into him in the tightest hug he’s ever given you. Your body fits into his like a puzzle piece. Which sounds sappy, even if in your head, and you don’t actually care. It’s the safest and the happiest you’ve ever felt.

“What?” he asks when you pull away.

“Nothing, I just think this is going to work,” you say. 

Joshua smiles at you, that genuine smile he saves for when he’s at his happiest. “Yeah, I think so too.” 

i hope you enjoyed this fic! let me know your thoughts 💕

tag list: @aaniag, @gyuminusone, @crepecakeu, @tinyelfperson, @dokyeomkyeom, @amoryeonjun, @miriamxsworld, @hongrizoon, @klecksstorys, @sunflowergyeomie, @straykidswhoo789, @holistic, @vanishingboots, @babybae-shisui, @matchahyuck, @sonybear40, @kimseokgen, @hyneyedfiz, @miujunhui, @graybaeismytae, @hyucksrealm, @livixxn, @sharonxdevi, @coupsystar8, @sana-is-ms-rmty, @pyeonghongrie-main, @naajaeminsgf, @beomesbabe, @magicshop913, @deletingthekisses, @lissiesykes (strikethrough means i couldn't tag, check your settings!)

[winterarmyy]

My Person

A series of random Bucky Drabbles that I can't let go but don't have the brain to make the whole complete plot of.

Summary: In which Sam's question forces Bucky to reveal his true feelings to his so called "friend", Y/N.

Pairing: tfatws!bucky x female!reader

Words: 3.2k++

Warnings: 18+ content, no minors allowed, nsfw, fluff, wee bit of angst, bucky is so adorable in this I WANT HIM SO BAD, also he is a bit feral. I feel like he can be more feral than this but you know, he doesn't wanna scare her away lol. This is just a result from surge of need so might not be too much of plot but I hope you enjoy your reading, anyway.

Inspiration: This post right here by @black-cat-2

Read my other works here: Masterlist

Sam took notice on every single crooks and corners as he followed Bucky's dragging footsteps from behind. It wasn't that he didn't want to help him but Bucky refused the offer right on the bat, saying that the serum will fix him up sooner or later.

The aftermath of their final battle with the flagsmasher was chaotic to say the least. With the splitting sides of public opinions of the new Captain America and the whispers about how the former winter soldier saved a bunch of civilian tonight had been the talk of the town.

But both Sam and Bucky decided not to think of it too much,  especially when both were exhausted from the fight. Not to mention Bucky was injured. Although Sam knew damn well that the soldier can managed himself to a hotel to rest for the night like he always does, but as a worried friend, or rather a babysitter some would say, he insisted to accompany Bucky all the way through.

And Bucky was not in the mood to argue; Sam is as equally stubborn as Steve used to be, so he let the man do whatever he wants.

It was clear Sam was suspicious of where the hell did this terminator brought him to, but mostly he was curious. He thought he would just accompany him to the nearest hotel but nope. After taking an Uber, the next thing he knew, Bucky was leading him into this apartment building, that was obviously not his.

"Last time I checked your apartment was in Brooklyn. When did you get a place here?" Sam asked as Bucky stopped at one of the identical looking doors.

"It's not mine" Bucky replied truthfully as he removed the glove from his fleshed hand and pressed his thumb at the top of the door handle.

Sam eyed him with a look on his face when he sassed at him, "Said the guy who is currently unlocking the doors with his fingerprint."

Bucky simply rolled his eyes before the chiming sound alerts that the door was unlocked. Bucky opened the door to let Sam inside before he himself got in after him. "Seriously, man. If I knew you can afford having two apartments I would've asked you to pay for tonight's dinner. That's the least you can do..." Sam's words died as his eyes scanned the apartment.

Whatever he was expecting the apartment to look like, it was far from it. He surely was not expecting the place to be fully decorated with complete set of furniture in every area of the room. Whether it is the living room area, or the huge kitchen that was also equipped with built-in oven.

Even with the lack of light, Sam could see the color pallette on the walls were definitely not what Bucky would go for. The sentimetal trinkets on the shelves, the sweet fragrant of the scented candles; everything was the very opposite of what Bucky's apartment in Brooklyn looks like, feels like.

This, it felt like home. Warm and inviting. Quiet and serene.

"You know what? I take that back. Whose house have you broke us into?" Sam asked, almost in awe rather than shocked, "I know for a fact that this ain't your house."

Bucky huffed a heavy breath as he remove his tactical gears, "I didn't say it was mine, remember? Or flying with the pigeons in the sky had made you forgot how to undertand human language?" there was an unfiltered sarcasm in his tone that didn't go unnoticed by Sam.

So obviously he got defensive and unknowingly increase his volume as he countered, "Woah woah, that was uncalled for. And for your information pigeons can't fly as fast a my wings, and rest assured that I--"

Bucky swiftly stomped towards him, eyes wide almost in anger, while his metal hand reached to cover Sam's mouth, "Can you shut the fuck up, she's probably asleep and your noisy ass will wake--"

"Bucky?" A tiny yet groggy voice interrupted the conversation causing both of them to turn their attention to the source. The figure peeped itself from the bedroom, her uncertainty made it that only half of her body was revealed through the doorway.

Her squinting eyes indicates how recent she was woken up from her sleep and Bucky flashed a quick glared at Sam for that. Sam simply shrug with his hands the air as a response. He was still confused who is this woman and why were they in her house.

Bucky's tight features softens as he called for her, "Hey, babydoll. What are you doing up?"

Recognizing that voice anywhere her feet made her way to him, "Heard some noises." She answered shortly as her knuckles find her eyes and rubbed it lightly. The closer she gets, the clearer Bucky can see the dark circles under her eyes, signifying how much she was lacking of sleep.

His heart squeeze a little at the sight, "M'sorry, sweetheart." it was as if their bodies were magnets that they naturally found each other. Bucky opened his arms wide for her to find her rightful place in his embrace.

"It's okay" she mumbled against his sturdy chest. "Welcome home." She continued.

You'd be surprise to know how much the former winter soldier absolutely adore the feeling of her lips moving against his skin. Even if it was blocked by the fabric of his shirt. It always felt good and he swore he could not get enough of it.

Bucky leaned down on top of her head, inhaling the strawberry yogurt scent of her shampooed hair, "Yes. I am home, indeed." His hugged got tighter, crushing her just enough to make those pretty little sounds slipped her from lips.

Strings of hushed moan kept purring in her throat when Bucky lightly swayed her from side to side; his fleshed hand drawing invisible circles on the back of her waist, while his metal hand gently squeeze the back of her neck.

If she let him pamper her more than this, they'd probably forget that Sam was in the room. Unabashedly had his mouth agape at the sight in front of him. He was not sure whether he wanted to look away or to continue staring because no amount of explanation will suffice to answer his questions.

Peeking from Bucky's shoulder, she smiled warmly as she finally acknowledge the unexpected guest, "You must be Sam. I've heard a lot about you."

She tried to wiggle an escape from Bucky arms, but it was no avail; he was not planning to let her go any time soon. She ended up dragging the enormous koala bear who was stuck on her back as she offered Sam a handshake, introducing herself.

"Good things I hope." Sam took her hand and lightly shake it as she replied, "Of course." As much as he wanted to keep his eye contact with her, it was extremely hard when the grumpy super soldier that he knew was basically melting in crook of her neck.

"I don't want to be rude but the two of you are..." Sam purposely left his words hanging, hoping that one of them would finish the sentence before he let out his assumption, however both of them remained silent. The woman was blinking at him confused, while Bucky was practically still drooling over the her.

"...Lovers?" Sam ended his sentence with an uncertain tone.

Both of them went rigid to the question but before Bucky could say anything, she answered first, "No!" She almost shouted, taking a deep breath before she rephrase her answer, "No. I mean yes. We're not... like that."

"So, you guys are friends then?" Sam quirked an eyebrow to her answer, and seeing Bucky's silence, he guessed that the super soldier might liked her more than just 'friends'.

"Yup, we are. We first met when Bucky was on the run from Hydra, before you guys found him. It's a long story, really." And by the time she explained the shorten version of their story, Bucky finally drifted his attention to Sam, a deep frown decorated his brows as he was mentally asking, "How much longer are you going to stand there? Get the fuck out."

Sam should be offended by his silent orders but considering he came in the middle of the night, uninvited, he realized that he should leave them be,"Then, let that be a reason for us to meet again. You can tell me all about this meet-cute of yours later. I don't want to keep you away from him any longer. Especially when he is staring daggers at me."

She lightly tapped on Bucky's arms, and quick frown at him followed after as she non-verbally asking him stop glaring at Sam. Needless to say, Sam removed himself from the scene after they, or rather she, bid him goodbye.

As soon as the doors closed, Bucky has her back pressed against the door, wasting no time than to capture her lips. A gasped from her made it easy for him to slip his tongue inside. He kissed her slow yet so hungrily as if he was starved of the taste of her sweet mouth against his.

Bucky broke the kiss momentarily just to whisper, "I missed you so much, babydoll." With his thigh in between her legs, he guided her clothed core to slowly hump against him. "Missed you, too." Her beautiful moans only encourage his cock to swell even more than it already was.

Breaking the kiss, Bucky let her catch a breath as his glazed eyes adored her soft features. He still remembered the day when he first met her.  When he escaped from Hydra's control, he was determined to keep his life down low. Don't attract to much attention, follow the schedule and stick to rules.

And his schedule was never interesting, it was always:

- write his journal entry

- find/do odd and non-permenant jobs for money

- grocery shopping and cooking

- watch the news

- and mostly just stay at home

Obviously, Bucky knows how to use the internet and all those modern devices that they have nowadays, but he never understand them; the 'social media' and the 'viral' things were never really appealing to him. So one day he decided to pay a visit to a small local library; hoping to find fimiliar solace in books instead.

What are the odds that both of them reach for the same book at the same time? After the multiple exchange of: 'Oh, I'm sorry, here take it.' 'No, you take.' 'No, please I insist.' They ended up meeting on a common ground; making a decision to sit down and read together. Turns out, spending a few hours with her at the library was the most peace he had since forever.

Bucky had a strict routine and rules. But the moment she asked him if he want to spend more time with her while she was there, he was ready to break all of it. And he did; for 7 days straight.

She was his first sense of freedom. His first choice in life.

Though, back then he was on a run, for presumably a lifetime, while she was on business trip for a week. So, they lost contact after that, especially when Bucky was running around with the Avengers and fighting aliens, but fate seemed to be on their side when they were reunited again in New York.

It's a miracle that she even recognized him. Little did he knew, he wasn't the only one who got hooked on the first few hours of that reading session had.

Though, he was extremely grateful that she reach out the moment she recognized him; no hesitant, no doubt. Just a confident and cheerful shout of his name in middle of the park that he walks through everyday.

The first thing that came out from her mouth after calling out his name was a compliment of his new hair cut and how she can see his beautiful eyes more clearer now. And that alone had made Bucky absolutely red in blush.

Weeks after that, she often joined him with his daily walk, making it their routine instead of just his. And months into this newly founded 'friendship', they found solace in each other's arms, comfort in each other's touch, and this quickly become their new favourite activity to do together.

Though none of them ever actually discuss their status but their body language suggest that they are more than just friends.

Especially with the way Bucky was rubbing the tip of his leaking cock on her clit; so desperate yet so gentle. Just like how he always does when he makes love to her. But, tonight he felt different. Maybe he was just needy or maybe it was the way she admit that they were not lovers when Sam asked about their relationship.

It was true. But, it felt so wrong.

"Am I just a friend to you, doll? Bucky leaned forward, his forehead met hers, his hot breath tickling her skin.

His tongue briefly passed in between his lips as he spreads her legs further, revealing her dripping cunt for his display, "Do your friends touch you like this, hmm?" His husky whisper as he rubbed his hardened length in between her slit, brushing against her clit.

"Do your friends kiss you all over like me?" She moaned breathily, as he bit and kiss the softness of her breasts; easily leaving his marks as if she was his to claim.

And without any warning, his cock slammed straight into her hole, stretching the walls to his size causing her to yelp in painful pleasure. Bucky let out a satisfied groan as the tightness of her around him, "Do your friends fuck this tight little pussy with their cock like me?"

Bucky couldn’t stop himself from pulling and pushing his hips to meet hers, his fingertips was practically digging into the flesh of her hips, moving her in time with his thrusts, "What am I to you, baby?" Honestly, it was hard for her to form complete thoughts, let alone reply to his question when he was fucking her so good.

Gone was the gentleman she knew for the past years, the koala bear that she spent hours on the couch cuddling to a movie marathon with. Now, there was only this feral beast, hungry for pleasure, insatiable to devour her whole body and soul.

Each roll of his hips pushed her further from her sober thoughts, focusing only on the wild look on his face, his huge body hunched over hers, his throbbing cock kissing her cervix. Any answer she was trying to convey was lost at the tip of her tongue; there were just the mewling mess, as she fell apart underneath him, compliant to his every thrust as his cock ramming within her. "Tell me. Come on, now. Use your words."

Bucky was almost losing his mind, from how bad he wanted to cum and how stubborn she was for not answering his questions. He pushed her legs up and wide as his thrust punctuated to his words,  "What. Am. I. To. You?"

It took her a couple of long moans at his roughness, before she could utter a single word, the only correct answer to his question, "Mine."

He groaned approvingly, pulling back just enough to slide his metal between their bodies. "I'm yours?" Those hard, cold fingers that she loved so much was quick to find her clit. She was already sensitive from all the friction of his rutting, and now was he relentlessly assaulting the swollen nub, "Then, does that make you mine as well huh, sweetheart?"

"Yes, Bucky. You're mine. And I'm yours. All yours. Pleasee"

Her back arches off the bed, toes curling tight as her nails dug into his skin and across his back; To have some kind of a leverage to hold as the overwhelming pleasure surged through her body.

"Yeah, that's right, babygirl. You're mine and mine alone. Mine to love, mine to fuck. Yes?" Bucky taunted her with both his words and the way he rutted into her wet pussy, as if he himself was not close to the egde.

The sound of skin to skin clashing intertwined with the sounds of her pussy squelching around his cock, his girth kept pounding straight into her sweet spot to the point that only lewd whimpers of plead were spewing out of her lips, "Yes, yes yes. Oh Bucky please,, fuck,, I'm cumming!"

"Cum, sweetheart. Let me feel that tight little pussy of mine cum around my cock" He hummed approvingly as he picked a deeper and harsher pace, causing her mouth to fall wide open and her eyes screwed shut as she felt her whole body shook as she came. "Yeah,, that's it, doll. That's my girl. fuckkk,, feels so good baby, gonna make me cum inside you if you keep choking me like that."

"Please, Bucky?" A breathy moan of his name passed her lips as she her walls spasm with need. Bucky groan to the sensation, he was sure that her pussy was already full of his precum, considering how it has been leaking inside her for so long, "Want my cum in you, pretty girl?"

Batting her eyes through her lashes, she stared up at him, pleading., "Need it, please."

"Oh fuck, you got it, sweetheart." Throwing his head back in pleasure, shutting his eyes solely to focus of the feeling of her wet and tight cunt, Bucky's pace quicken as he chased his high, "Hmmm,, fuckk,, gonna stuff you full. You'll leaking for days, babydoll. Then, I'm gonna keep filling you until you can't live without my cum inside your pussy."

Hearing such dirty confessiom only triggers her to near orgasm, "Yess pleasee i want it. Need it, bucky." Surely enough she came again when he hit that special spot inside her.

"Ahh,, fuck ahhh,, I'm cumming shit pussy so good m'cumming fuckkkk", Bucky couldn’t even stop himself from rutting in and out of her sweet pussy as his cock pulsed, especially when her cunt was sucking him in deeper.

His head fall down to watch his cock disappear inside her before squeezing it shut again when the white spurt of cum shoots against her walls. His jaw was loose as his mouth formed an ‘o’ shape to allow his loud groans contaminated the silenced room.

His thick endless cum warm her insides and the honeyed moans hanging off her lips to its own accord as Bucky hunched over her frame, pressing his face in crook of her neck, breathing heavily as she was. After awhile, a broken sound of his voice stopped the silence, "Do you really mean it?"

He refused to look at her in the eyes, afraid of the rejection that might come his way but she proved him wrong by holding him by his cheeks, leading his eyes to align with hers,

"Bucky. You, my dear, are my bestfriend; you are my heart, you are my person. And there is no one in this world that I'd rather spend my whole life with besides you." Her words was nothing but the truth and Bucky knew that.

His heart swelled with joy yet he didn't know how to express it other than, "I love you, doll..." there was pause as if he was gathering the pieces of his soul to offer it to her, "...So much."

And she accepted it with her whole heart, "I love you too, Bucky."

End.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: I was gone for awhile but never too long. Hope you enjoy this little drabble 👀

[yourlocalstranger123]

(I think my humor is broken from how I'm slightly laughing—)

You'll just have to read the whole thing to find out 😊

Part 1

Red: Miguel

@diegojeanne @one-green-frog

Note!!!!!: PLEASE TELL ME IF I MISS ANYTHING TO WARN 😭😭😭😭😭

Warnings: slightly yandere/possessive Miguel? fluff to slight angst to fluff ehe and its like pretty long (I dare you to read the whole thing 😈) also has some cuss words.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°♤°•°•°•°•°•°•°•° •°|MERMAID! MIGUEL|°• °•°•°•°•°•°•°•°♡°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

You didn't expect to get slapped in the face by his tail. Honestly! What was his problem? He was the one who was at fault for going into the fish trap you set.

You stood there, trying to cover your mouth from laughing at the situation while Miguel looked like he was about to smack the sh—t out of you.

"How did you even g- get, pfft—...get trapped"

You slightly laughed, small tears forming in your eyes from holding back. Miguel just dead-panned. He rolls his eyes, asking you to help him already. You come back with a scissor in your hand as you cut the this ropes of the net off.

The net wrapped around his body tightly, so some of it left some marks. He stretched his back, finally going back to the water as his head was still up from the water. You grabbed some fish that was given to you a few hours ago before he got caught. You already grilled it, so you just gave it to him....

Miguel didn't grab it. Just staring at you as if expecting something. "Here. Take it?" You said. Slightly frustrated and wondering why he isn't taking it. He frown, forming a small pout as he just turned around and ignored you. You were dumb founded but remembered something,,

He watches you cook the fish and take a bite out of it. You offered one to him as he took a bite out of it. After a few minutes, he tugged your sleeves. Looking at you as if waiting for you to feed him again. Sighing, you broke off a piece and fed it to him.

Did he....want you to feed him again??? You quietly chuckled at the fact as you looked at him, still pouting. You ripped off a piece, putting it on your palm as you put your hand in front of his face. He tilted his head, still having a toothy frown, but he quickly ate it from your palm, feeling him chewing on it.

It was getting dark. You stood up and wiped away the sand on your pants. Miguel tugged your sleeve, "where are you going?" He asked. Not wanting you to leave him just yet...

You explained you needed to go back home and sleep, but Miguel just said to sleep here. But of course, you don't want sand in your hair right now, so you say no. Miguel just frowned, he launched himself on you, not letting go.

As he hugged your waist (no matter if his fingers are not touching or is), he snuggled your back as he begged, demanded for you to stay.

You did not get any sleep as you let half of your body sink into the ocean, but the sand underneath was high enough for you to sit as Miguel let his head on your lap. Sometimes, you wonder why you go for such lengths for a Merman. Your legs are literally shivering and trembling when you can finally get out of the water.

Miguel took note of this so lately, Miguel has been on land with his fish tail. He's been trying to suprise you when you were in your small house, you heard a knock. Maybe it was from a far away rich visitor, but nope, it was Miguel on the floor with sand all over. You sighed and either carried him or just dragged him by the arms or even tail.

You wonder if he'll ever get legs like Ariel as you water off the sand on his body. Your mind was drifting away in thoughts until you heard Miguel breathe hitched. Looking down at the hand position, you realized that your hand is on his chest.Although, you're brain hasn't processed and just did a slightly squeeze—

"AhH-!"

'......"

Miguel smacks your face with his tail, and since the door is closed, Miguel just had to crawl over to your bed, covering himself with the blanket as your face flushed and steam coming off on your head.

"Miguel, did you just-"

"SHUT—!"

"....but-"

"CÁLLETE!"

You couldn't get into contact with him for weeks. You were actually getting slightly worried. Until you flinched and felt your heart sank when you suddenly got dragged into the water. Trying to pry off the hands that was tightly wrapping around your waist. You finally give up and just accept your fate as your vision becomes dark.

You woke up and choke on some water that was still in your lungs, while a hand was patting your back. Still coughing violently as small tears start forming in your eyes. Looking to the direction from the hand, you finally fully processed what was going on. You were about to beat the sh-t to the person who dragged you down until you found out it was Miguel?! Wait....how tf are you still breathing under water-

You touched your neck, feeling gills on it. Miguel looks away, ignoring your stern stare. "MIGUEL?! DID YOU REALLY DO THIS TO ME??" You pointed at the gills that were formed on your neck, Miguel still looking away guilty. Miguel mumbled something that it won't be permanent, so you sighed a relief.

You flinched when he hugged you, and you felt hot tears on your shoulder. "*hic* don't leave me....please, I won't do it again"

You were cunfused until you remembered when you were slightly conscious.

"[Name]?" Miguel said. Laying his head on your chest, he panicked when he only felt a faint thump from your heart. "[NAME]?! Please..! Wake up! I know you're awake.....Please...I don't wanna lose you, " He sobbed. Holding you in his arms as he held your hand. "Please...I beg you" he whispered, voice cracking.

Slumping back from the headache you felt after remembering. Miguel still holding your hand. It seems like he fell asleep on you....You look around seeing....holy shit. Other mermaids and mermans??? You stared at them back then went started laying down as your soul suddenly ascended. 'Why am I here....just to suffer' (they're still wondering how tf you made Miguel cry. [They never saw him cry])

After some time, you found out that Miguel dragged you into the mermaid society (haha, it's a spider society except its mermaids, heh). Everyone stared at you because you had....✨️LEGS✨️

You soon found out Miguel is the leader of the mermaid society. He's been dragging you everywhere he goes to. You also found out that dimensions were real?! It's a miracle you didn't throw up or pass out from how dizzy after you went through the portal seriously!

You tried escaping going to land, but Miguel captures you and clings onto you 24/7 now, which makes it impossible to go back.

You. Felt. DRAINED. you just mostly sleep all the time or watch Miguel and talk to the others. Hobie was curious about punk rock music ever since he heard it. He kept asking about it and would love to hear you play it! You knew that love sick Miles was sooo in love with Gwen, which you and Pav and perhaps even Hobie teases him.

Peter, makes let's you babysit Mayday when he's busy, even just watching you and etc. Mayday was always curious about your legs, you were so different from other mermaids! (Because you ain't one)

Honestly. You were enjoying being under water, already used to the stares. Except when you were almost experimented with by a mermaid scientist or similar ones. Especially one of those crazy ones. Sighing tiredly, you opened the door to your 'room', feeling homesick lately until....you found Miguel with LEGS?????

Miguel flinched at the sound of the door creaking open, freezing when he got caught by you. "Miguel....you had legs— MPH-!"

Miguel quickly covered your mouth. You would've felt intimidated if you didn't see the faint blush on the tips of his ears. "I'm only testing a device.....so be quiet, alright?" (wow. Even an underwater society is more advanced)

(Bro doesn't want to be found out that he can have ✨️legs✨️)

—to be continued—

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Heaven is not fit to house a love (like you and I) | Part 3

Word Count: 6k

Genre: smut, angst

Summary: When you first met your boyfriend, it was love at first sight. No, more than that. It was love before you even met. It felt like you had known each other in another life and were meant to find each other again. 

But that's not actually true, is it? You and Beomgyu don't actually know each other from another life, and the dreams you've been having aren't memories of your past life either. That's ridiculous. 

But then why does Beomgyu get so defensive about them? And why does each dream feel more real than the one before? 

A/N: this is the sequel to my series YAMQN but I'm trying to write it in a way that it would be comprehensible to people who have never read YAMQN. The parts in italic are the dreams. 

Warnings: fem!reader, cunnilingus, missionary, references to rape, dub-con, dom!beomgyu, sub!reader

You’ve decided you were overthinking everything. Your dreams mean nothing. Your dream about Taehyun meant nothing. It was just your stressed brain being weird. Though it was awkward being around him for a couple of days after that dream and feeling that inexplicable feeling of guilt and—you’d never say it outloud–love springs up your throat every time your eyes meet.

Luckily, you wouldn’t have to think about it too much today when there is something much more distracting to deal with. 

"What's with your eye?” You ask Taehyun, noting the eyepatch he was wearing. “Is it a stye?" 

He shakes his head, grinning as he pulls the eyepatch aside to reveal a black eye. You gasp. "Oh my god! Did you get in a fight?"

"You could say that.” He shrugs, grin still in full effect. “I'm a wrestler."

“Oh. That is… not shocking.” You frown, making him laugh. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You seem to be the type.” You say as you give him a once over. Despite his sweet and innocent looks, he had a kind of roughness about him that gave him away. “Yesterday when you were helping me with the door of the back room, you nearly ripped it off its hinges.” 

“You said it was stuck so I expected more resistance. I just didn’t account for your chicken arms.” He teases, making you gasp, affronted. “How dare you? Check out these guns.” 

You pull up the sleeves of your shirt, flexing said chicken arms in various wrestler poses. “I bet I can even take you, Mr. fighter.” 

“I bet you can.” Something about the way he says that, low and a little hoarse brings a blush to your cheeks, a certain double entendre you’re not sure he meant hanging in the air, but you decide to just barrel past it. You can’t let your stupid brain keep overthinking the smallest things. You refuse to let in that weird sense of intimacy and familiarity that your dreams have conjured up seep into your reality and your relationship with him. You’re purely coworkers, maybe tentative friends, nothing more.  

“Damn right.” You declare, satisfied. “Now let me take a look at that eye. My mother is a nurse, you know?”

“Is she?” He sits down obediently, letting you examine his eye closely. You start by making sure the eye itself isn’t hurt and that his vision is clear, getting him to follow your finger to test his eye movements and making him read a few things at a distance, before you move on to the possible brain injury. “You didn’t pass out, did you?”

“No.”

“Did you vomit?”

“Nope.” 

“Had any seizures?”

“No.” 

“Do you remember everything?” 

“I wish I didn’t.” He snorted. “Damn bastard floored me with that punch.” 

You wince as you imagine that kind of impact that would bring him down and cause such a black eye. Instinctively, you reach forward to brush your thumb gently under his bruised eye. “Aw, does it hurt?” 

“It feels better now.” He smiles, looking at you strangely, and your heart skips a beat. Okay, surely you’re not just imagining this, are you? Your brain can’t be that much of an asshole. 

But before you can attempt to make sense of the way he’s acting, an angry voice cuts through the delicate moment savagely.  

“What the fuck are you doing?” Your boyfriend’s voice is like ice water down your back, making you jump away from Taehyun immediately. You turn to him in shock.“Beomgyu! What are you doing here?” 

“Checking in on you, but I’ve clearly arrived at the wrong time.” He spits, eyeing Taehyun angrily, and you quickly realize the source of the misunderstanding, waving your hands in the air in denial, trying to dispel whatever erroneous conclusions you’re sure his mind came up with. Damn it, it’s bad enough dealing with Beomgyu’s jealousy without you unintentionally feeding it. “It’s nothing. I was just checking his black eye. He got injured at a match.” 

“He’ll get another one if he doesn’t step away from you.” Beomgyu threatens and you hear Taehyun snort from next to you. “Yeah, right. As if you could ever land a punch on me.” 

Goddammit, Taehyun. You’re trying to de-escalate things here!

“Wanna see?” Beomgyu growls, rising up to the challenge immediately and charging forward. But you quickly step between him and Taehyun, not wanting a fight to break out in the middle of your workplace. 

"Beomgyu calm down. You’re making a scene." You whisper, noticing how the customers' eyes have turned to you. But of course, Beomgyu doesn’t care, his anger and jealousy getting the best of him. "Am I? I'm sorry, should I wait for you to fuck him on the counter first?"

Humiliation sears your skin at his accusation, said so loudly and easily in front of your coworkers and everyone in the shop. You’re so embarrassed you could cry, but that would only humiliate you further. So you quickly grab his arm and pull him out the back and into the alleyway behind the cafe where no one can see you. 

You can’t believe he’s doing this again. He promised he will get himself under control. You’ve tried to reassure him that you only love him. You’ve tried again and again to put boundaries when he acts out, but then he completely crashes through them with no regard for you. Why should he when you always forgive him and take him back after his abhorrent behavior? It’s your fault. You’ve allowed him to go this far and now he’s out of control. You need to put an end to this.  

"I'm done. This is over. I'll come around later to get my stuff." You tell him, and his whole demeanor changes–all wrath is gone from his face and he turns into a wounded animal in the blink of an eye, shaking his head in denial as his eyes flood with tears. "No. No. You can't leave me. Not again."

"What the fuck are you talking about?” You shout harshly, and he flinches. God, why does that still make you feel bad despite everything he’s done to you? “I never left you. Maybe that's the problem."

“No, please, I'm sorry!” He wails, "I'm sorry I blew up. I'm sorry I made a scene. I just can’t stand to see him with you. I know he wants to take you from me."

His unwarranted conviction drives you mad. Does he really think every single guy is out to steal you from him? "You are insane."

 Another guy would take the hint and dial it down on the crazy, but not Beomgyu. As if to prove that insanity to you, he falls to his knees at your feet, grabbing onto your legs tightly. "Don't leave me. I can't live without you."

"Go home, Beomgyu.” You grit out, trying to hold yourself back from falling for his pathetic display because truthfully you’re just as pathetic as him. It’s easy to be stern and immovable when he’s angry and lashing out, but it’s another thing entirely when he acts so vulnerable. When he’s angry, he’s an asshole who is hurting you, but when he’s sad, he’s your loving boyfriend who just needs reassurance and care. 

"I can't. Not without you.” He insists, and you take a deep breath to calm yourself down. “I need space, Beomgyu.” 

“You know I can’t–” 

“I need space to calm down and forget what you've done so I won't leave you." You snap, finally making him take his hands off you, realizing that though it kills him, backing off for once might be the thing that saves your relationship this time. 

Still he needs that extra reassurance. “Do you promise you won’t leave?” 

“Beomgyu–”

“Please!” He hiccups, hanging onto the thread of hope. “Please promise me that you won’t just leave.” 

“I won’t.” You grits out. You can’t. You wish it was ever that fucking easy to leave him, but he’s got you hooked on him good. 

"Okay." He gets up shakily. "Can I have a kiss?"

Does he not know how to quit? Has he no sense of awareness of the situation? Can’t he tell how much he has pushed you? "No."

You try to be firm in your decision, try to make him take you seriously once and for all, but when you see him sniffle and his lips tremble, it’s hard to stay strong. 

"Please. Just in case." He shakes under your harsh gaze that softens every time his breath hitches as he tries to hold himself together. 

God, this is exactly why he behaves this way, because it always works. 

You grab him by the back of the head, kissing his lips roughly, more teeth than anything, biting down on his lower lip in punishment, hard enough to taste blood, but Beomgyu doesn’t care. He clutches onto you desperately, opening his mouth up for you to thrust your tongue inside, making him taste his own blood. 

It’s a job to get him off you, but eventually you manage to disentangle yourself from him. “Go home now.” 

“Will you come home after work?” He prods, and you run your hand through your hair in frustration. “Is this giving me space?” 

“I just–” 

“I’ll be home by bedtime. I’ll probably walk around or hang out with friends to decompress.” You explain to him, even though you know you really shouldn’t. He has no right to know where you’re going, not after the shit he just pulled but you know he won’t leave you if you don’t reassure him. 

“Which friends? Are you going to–” 

“I have to get back to work, Beomgyu.” You cut him off sharply, unwilling to give him more. Truthfully, you don’t even know what you’ll do. You don’t know if you even wanna hang out with your friends. You can’t handle them telling you ‘I told you so’ for the hundredth time and pushing you to break up with Beomgyu. “I know you want me to get fired so I only have time for you but I actually wanna keep this job.”

He winces at your accusation but you don’t wait for him to defend himself, turning your back on him and walking into the coffee shop. 

Getting back into work is mortifying as you try to dodge the gazes of others that are at best curious and at worst judgmental and accusatory. Most of all, you try to avoid Taehyun, not knowing what to say to him after he witnessed your boyfriend’s outburst against him. 

But it’s hard to hide in such a small shop, and Taehyun is on you just a few minutes after stepping back inside. To your surprise however, he isn’t angry or reproachful. In fact, he doesn’t mention it directly at all.

“Hey you wanna blow off some steam after work?” He asks you, completely casual and you breathe a sigh of relief, nodding. You really could use some stress relief. You know you can’t go home to Beomgyu like this. You’re so mad you’re afraid you’ll do or say something you regret. 

What worries you even more is that you think whatever you would do to him, Beomgyu would take it, and you don’t want to be that person. You don’t want to perpetuate this sickness. 

________________________________

Taehyun takes you boxing. It’s definitely a bit unusual but when he said it would help you blow off some steam, he wasn’t kidding. 

“Hit it harder. Take out all your rage onto it.” Taehyun instructs you, then adds cheekily, “Imagine it’s your boyfriend’s face if you need to.” 

You scoff. If Beomgyu was here, he’d definitely lose it with how close Taehyun is to you, his hands fluttering between your waist and shoulder to correct your position, and wrapping around your arms to teach you how to correctly swing. 

“Like that?” You ask, punching the bag the way he taught you to. You’re not strong enough to have it swinging like he does, but he still praises you for doing it right. 

“Yup, good job. Soon enough you’ll be able to deck Beomgyu in the face.” He jokes and you send him a glare. 

“I don’t want to punch Beomgyu.” You say, delivering another hard swing at the punching bag, putting your full weight into it. 

“Are you sure about that?” He raises his eyebrows, watching you pummel the bag. 

“I’m just frustrated.” You grit, raining punches with both fists until you feel your arms getting sore. “Why does he have to act like such an asshole? He knows I love him. He knows he’s the only one for me. Why is he so insecure? He’s such a fucking idiot. He makes me so goddamn mad!”

You step away from the bag, panting for breath. Clumsily, you push away the sweaty hair out of your face with the gloves still on as you try to calm down your overheated body. “You’re right. This did help.” 

You give the bag one last punch before you take off the boxing gloves and slump onto a chair, exhaustion settling into your bones. You hear Taehyun snicker as he takes your place and starts his exercise. 

You watch him workout. You admit, he looks good doing it. Dressed in a white sleeveless top, his muscles bulge and tense every time his arms shoot forward to smack the bag. The look of concentration on his face and the way his jaw clenches makes him look all the hotter. 

His punches are fast and accurate, and you cringe a bit at the idea of someone being at the receiving end of them, but you still find it attractive. You never got the appeal of the strong, macho man some girls swoon over, always preferring the soft cute types yourself, but watching Taehyun go to town on that punching bag, sweat starting to drip down his glistening skin… you finally get it. 

Apparently, your ogling wasn’t as subtle as you thought, especially when Taehyun pulls up the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face, revealing his hard abs to your curious eyes. 

“Like what you see?” Taehyun smirks, dropping the shirt back down and you blush, looking away. “Bet he doesn’t look like this.” 

“Shut up.” You grumble, standing up. “I’m going to get a drink. Do you want anything?” 

You realize how dry your throat has become and take it as an advantage to get out of this messy situation you’ve gotten yourself in. But Taehyun shakes his head. “You stay put. I’ll go get the drinks.” 

You graciously accept the offer, telling him what you’d like to have, and he dips out of the practice room to get you something out of the vending machine and you take the opportunity to cool off. 

God, what is wrong with you? Do you like Taehyun? Why the fuck are you thirsting like that over him? Ever since you’ve gotten with Beomgyu, you can honestly say you’ve never wanted to be with another man. Beomgyu just fulfilled all your needs, emotionally and physically. Being with him felt like finally finding your other half, your soul’s resting place. It’s cliche but it truly felt like you were made for each other. How can anyone else compare? 

But now that his jealousy and controlling behavior has gotten out of control, you find yourself pulling away from him, the illusion of the perfect one for you slowly shattering by his own hand. Is that why you’re having these weird feelings towards Taehyun? Like Beomgyu, you feel like you’re connected to Taehyun somehow. Despite the relatively short duration you’ve known him, it feels like you’ve known each other for years. You yearn for him in a way you have no control over and you don’t like it. You’re just proving Beomgyu right with his unhinged paranoia. 

Seriously, fuck Beomgyu for putting these thoughts into your head. You were completely fine with Taehyun before he made a big deal out of nothing. 

When Taehyun comes back, he hands you a can of soda and you gladly pop it open, gulping down the cool liquid with relief. 

“So when did you start boxing?” You clear your throat, trying to ignore the way his Adam's apple bops as he swallows. 

“Since I was a kid basically.” He shrugs, explaining further at your questioning look. “I didn’t have the best home life and boxing helped me blow off some steam and got me away from it for a bit.”

“Ah.” You hum awkwardly, twirling the can in your hands. “I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“It’s alright. I’ve left it behind now, trying to make a life of my own. That is why I was so glad that you told me about the job at the cafe. It’s a chill job that allows me to make some money to support myself and still be able to pursue my studies.” 

“Right. Music. Didn’t peg you for that guy. I mean, boxing sure but didn’t think you’re the artistic type.” You grin, feeling a bit giddy at his faux offended look. 

“Hey, I have a sensitive side too.” He defends, “And I’ve been told I have the voice of an angel.” 

“Someone's humble.” You laugh, and he shrugs. “When you’ve got it, flaunt it.” 

“Let’s hear it then, angel.” 

He gives you a look at that, and you open your mouth to apologize, not sure if you’d crossed a line, but then he coughs, clearing his throat a bit and starts to sing. 

I know that sweet love song

The words we said through our oath

If I turn around, eventually

They'll just end up being an unfamiliar someone

Sorry I'm an anti-romantic

I want to run away, far away

My heart is already chasing after you

And burning with small embers

Sorry I'm an anti-romantic

I don't believe anymore in being romantic

As my entire heart burns

I'm afraid that only black ashes will remain

He really does have the voice of an angel, so sweet and soothing. You listen quietly to the whole song, a small smile on your face despite the song’s pessimistic message. But something about his voice tugs at a distant memory in your brain, the feeling like a word on the tip of your tongue that you just can’t quite remember. It’s a disquieting feeling that clashes with the sweet honey of his voice. 

You don’t let it show though. You know he wouldn’t understand. And once he’s done singing, you clap enthusiastically. 

“Thank you. Thank you.” He graciously accepts the applause, a pleased grin on his face. 

“Wonderful. Showstopping. Angelic.” You pour out exaggeratedly and he laughs. “I told you.” 

“You did.” You admit, no point teasing him about his cockiness when you like his voice so much. “I never heard that song before. Did you write it yourself?” 

“Yup.” 

“Now I get how you’re into music if your songs are this dejected.” But you can tease him about the subject matter. You’re impressed with his talent but if you had to come up with a song that Taehyun would compose, it would’ve sounded exactly like this. 

“I’m just being a realist.” He tells you and you cock your head to the side, intrigued. “You don’t believe in romance?”

“No. I’ve seen how it goes too many times and it always ends in heartbreak and tears at best.” 

You frown, finding it sad that his experiences have made him arrive at this bleak conclusion. “It’s not always like that. Some people have happy relationships.” 

“Yeah, do you know of anyone who has an actually happy relationship?”He challenges and you wrack your brain trying to think of one. Your parents? Definitely not. Your sisters? Nope. Your friends? Hah. Still, you refuse to admit it. You’re a hopeless romantic and you refuse to accept his cynical worldview. If love only ever ends in heartbreak then what even is the point of living? “Just because the people I know aren’t the poster children for happy relationships doesn’t mean there are none.” 

“Are you even happy with Beomgyu?” He prods, catching you off guard. 

You were. Things were perfect between you. He was the best boyfriend you could have ever wished for at the beginning. He was so sweet and loving and gentle, being with him felt like coming home, but slowly things started to unravel until it got to the point you’re at right now and you’re too scared to admit that things may never go back to the way they were before. If Beomgyu isn’t the one for you then who is? 

“Shut up and sing more.” You grumble, not wanting to think about it anymore.

Taehyun grins, not pushing anymore, satisfied with his win, and obliges you. He sings a couple more songs for you, each of his own making, and you eagerly listen to him, closing your eyes and getting lost in the warmth of his voice, asking for more every time he finishes. 

He doesn’t complain, performing a mini-concert for you, helping soothe your nerves as you try to focus on his soothing voice and forget about the troubles you’ve been going through with Beomgyu and your confusing feelings for Taehyung.

But all the tension ricochets back into your body when he gets to the fourth song, the small smile you were wearing plummets into a frown and you sit up from your slumped position suddenly. You don’t know what it is about this song. It appears to be a simple lullaby, but just hearing it makes your heart hammer in your chest. 

Taehyun notices quickly and stops singing. “What’s wrong?” 

“Did you make up that song too?” You ask and he shakes his head. “No, it’s a song my mum used to sing me when I was a kid. Why?”

“I don’t know, something about it seems familiar.” You trail off, eyebrows furrowing as you try to recall where you heard it before. 

“I doubt it. My mum made it up.” He says, confused by your sudden change in mood. 

You’re confused too. You don’t understand. You just have this intense feeling of deja vu right now, something you’ve been feeling increasingly more frequently lately. Maybe you heard it in a dream? 

You shake your head, suddenly feeling uncomfortable and needing comfort, needing Beomgyu… “Never mind. I should probably get going.” 

You’re mad at him but he’s still the biggest source of comfort for you. He has a way to calm you down even if he’s the one who caused your anxiety. It all works out when it’s just the two of you. It’s only when other people get involved that everything falls apart…

“Already?” Taehyun asks, disappointed, and you look at the clock that says 10:46 pm and sigh. “Yeah. Beomgyu is probably freaking out by now. Even more than he already was.” 

“Maybe you shouldn’t go back to him then. You need some proper time away to think things through. You can’t let him keep getting away with this behavior.” He advises, his expression betraying his clear distaste for Beomgyu. Great, another friend who despises your boyfriend. You can’t deal with this right now. 

“He’s just insecure.” You find yourself defending him once again, feeling weary and covering your face with your hands. “I don't know why. it's not like every guy that ever meets me will fall in love with me. You don't even like me.” 

"I do like you." Taehyun says simply and you snap your head up and gape at him. "What?"

He shrugs as if this doesn’t fuck everything up even more. "I like you and I think you deserve better than your shitty boyfriend."

You shake your head, standing up, feeling angry at yourself. Of course, he likes you. Beomgyu smelled it from a mile away. Why else would he be so nice to you? Why else would he care so much to hang out with you and calm you down when he’s probably tired from his shift? This was obviously a mistake and you’re a stupid girl who is playing into it while your boyfriend is probably breaking down at home. "Beomgyu is a good boyfriend. He loves me." 

Taehyun stands up too, getting a bit forceful now. “You’re deluding yourself. What he’s doing isn’t healthy, and he’ll only continue to get worse because you let him.” 

What does he know? How do you know he’s not just trying to break you up with your boyfriend so he could get with you? Beomgyu probably could tell that Taehyun liked you from the start and that’s why he was so averse to you being around him. Obviously that doesn’t excuse how out of pocket he acted today but he still wasn’t completely wrong. 

“I should go.” You mutter, quickly gathering your things. 

“Let me take you home then.” He offers and you snort. Yeah right, like that wouldn’t make Beomgyu’s brain melt. 

“I'll just take an uber.” 

Taehyun attempts to argue but you shut him down. 

_____________________________

Beomgyu is waiting near the door when you get back, curled up onto himself as he rocks back and forth, looking like a broken mess, and your heart can’t help but clench painfully at the miserable sight of him despite everything he’s done. You can’t bear to see him hurt, especially knowing that Taehyun liked you after all and he wasn’t being totally paranoid. 

"You're back!" He stops rocking and untangles his arms from his body. You see the tension in his body, like he wants to spring forward and take you in his arms but isn’t sure if he’s allowed to. "I thought I lost you." 

"I'm right here." You sigh, opening your arms up, giving him the signal he needed to stand up and engulf you in his arms. 

“I’m sorry, baby–” He begins his long plea. You’ve heard it many times by now–he’s sorry he acted irrationally, he’s sorry he gets jealous and out of control, he promises he’ll do better– but you’re honestly not in the mood for it right now. You just want to pretend none of this happened tonight, least of all because you feel some kind of guilt over hanging out alone with Taehyun and letting him touch you when he secretly had feelings for you just like Beomgyu was afraid of. 

“Shut up, Beomgyu.” You grab his face and kiss him. 

He lets you do it. Beomgyu would never reject a kiss from you, but once your bruising kiss leaves his lips and travels to his jaw, he voices his concern. “Are you sure, princess? Don’t you wanna t-talk about it?” 

Princess? He’s bringing out the big guns. There is no use arguing with Beomgyu right now. You already know what he’s going to say so you bite down on his neck, making his breath hitch as your hands trail up his waist towards his nipples, rubbing them with your thumbs over the thin material of his shirt and making him gasp. “Just shut up and be good for once, Beomgyu. Need you to fuck me so hard I can’t even think about how mad I am at you right now.” 

You feel him gulp under your lips, and the next thing you know he is carrying you by your ass and dropping you onto the couch. He quickly takes off every shred of fabric on your body, following suit, before he gets on the ground in front of you and buries his face in your pussy. 

Beomgyu is a very talented lover, especially with his tongue. He knows exactly what to do to get you going, and right now is no different. He eats you out as if he can convince you to stay just by using his mouth, and you have to admit, it is very persuasive. 

“Fuck, Gyu. Good boy.” You praise, encouraging him to do more, your hand in his hair guiding his mouth to where you want him. He eagerly lets you control him, pushing his tongue into your pussy while his lips pucker and suck around your hole. 

You feel yourself clench around his tongue, more of your arousal leaking around it until it covers his chin and parts of his cheeks. You pull his head up, whining as his tongue slips out of your pussy, but he quickly relieves the feeling of emptiness by pushing his fingers inside you, curling them up to hit that sensitive spot inside you that has you keening. 

He wasn’t going to be slow tonight, and you don’t want that. You cry as his mouth finds a new target in your clit, alternating between sucking it in his mouth and flicking it with his tongue, all while his fingers plunge in and out of you until you’re creaming on his face. 

“That’s it! Fuck, that’s it, baby.” You throw your head back, eyes squeezing shut as your body shudders at the intense orgasm. Fuck, you needed this. 

Beomgyu doesn’t care about how hard you’ve got his hair fisted up in your hand. He keeps hungrily licking your pussy, not letting your arousal completely fade even as your orgasm passes. 

“Baby, wait, give me a second–” You gasp, feeling sensitive, and when Beomgyu pulls away you think he’ll give you break, but instead he pushes you down until you’re laying on your back on the couch and gets on top of you, lining his cock with your entrance 

“Wait–Beomgyu!” You cry as he shoves his cock inside of you, beginning to fuck you right away, not giving you a moment to breathe or calm down. 

“There you go, princess. Is this what you wanted?” He pants, hips slamming against yours as he fucks you roughly. 

It was what you wanted but you’re not sure now. You need a moment. “Baby, slow down…” You whine, your eyes squeezed tightly which Beomgyu doesn’t like. 

“Slow down? But I thought you wanted me to fuck you until you can’t think about how mad you are at me.” He taunts, slamming his hips against yours, his cock going so deep inside you you feel like you’re going to choke. Normally, you’d fucking love it but it’s suddenly too much for you. 

You shake your head, holding tightly onto his upper arms. “Please, baby, just slow down!”

But Beomgyu only fucks you harder. “Open your eyes, princess. Look at me while I’m fucking you.” 

“Beomgyu–” You beg but he seems too far gone, not realizing that you’re being serious. You feel a harsh smack against your thigh and he growls down at you. “Open your eyes.”  

You do, hardly seeing him with the tears in your eyes, but what you see scares you. “Gyu–”

“Am I fucking you hard enough? Or does my princess need me to fuck her dumb until she sees only me?” 

No, no. This is exactly what you asked for, but somehow it doesn’t feel good. The wildness of Beomgyu’s eyes, the roughness of his hands, don’t assure you of his need and devotion to you as always. Instead, they speak of a need to own, a desire to subjugate you or tear you apart. It fucking terrifies you. 

And suddenly, intrusive images come to mind. Images of bound limbs and golden suits, tears and anger. Images of Beomgyu forcing himself on you as you lie helpless and beg him to stop. 

“Beomgyu!” You cry out, shocked at what your mind is conjuring up. It’s not real but it feels real. You feel violated and scared and you just want it to stop. "Stop. Stop!"

“No. Don’t be a brat. You can take it.” Beomgyu chastises, still lost in his own head, the pleasure clouding his mind and not letting him see your pathetic state. 

“No. I can’t. Please. ” You sniffle, shaking your head weakly. 

“Don’t cry. You’ve made me wait so long for this pussy.” Prince Beomgyu drives his dick into you harder, making sure you’re fully deflowered.  "Take it. You were made for me. You can take it."

The images of prince Beomgyu looming over you just like he is right now, being so relentless and cruel as he takes what he wants from you are all you can see in front of you. It’s not a dream anymore. You’re wide awake, so why can you see them as if they were your own memories? God are you going crazy?

“Beomgyu?” You croak, trying to reach him through the images and his crazed headspace.

“I swear if you don’t shut the fuck up, I won’t bother being gentle.”

You quickly clamp your mouth shut at the ghostly threat, stopping any noise from getting out, stopping even your breathing, and that finally alerts Beomgyu to what is going on. 

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He stops moving and reaches out to touch you but you flinch. 

“Don’t touch me.” You cry, the damn breaking down and allowing tears to stream down your face. 

“What happened? Oh god. I didn’t know you were serious.” Beomgyu’s face goes pale and he looks like he’s going to be sick. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Get off me. Get off me.” You wail, pushing him away. He pulls out of you but doesn’t get off, wrapping you in his arms and trying to get you to calm down. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s just me. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear. You’re okay. You’re okay. I love you.” He coos, trying to sound reassuring but you can hear the panic and fear in his voice as he cradles you and rocks you back at forth, not paying any mind to you clawing at his back as you try to break free, letting you sob and cry until you tire yourself out and slowly, slowly down. 

“I’m right here, princess. You’re safe with me. I’ll never leave.” 

His words of reassurance fail to have the effect he desires. Instead of soothing you, you find them suffocating and inescapable. You feel like you’ve been here many times before, each time adding to the heaviness of that oppressive weight pushing down on you until you don’t have the strength to fight it anymore. You just fall limp in his arms, and he finally pulls back to look at you. 

He brushes your hair out of your face and swipes away the drying tears. “I’m sorry I hurt you, baby. I didn’t mean to.” 

"I’m sorry. I just…” Prince Beomgyu struggles to find the words for a second. “I had to do what I had to do to keep you.” 

You shiver, looking away from him. 

"What is it? What’s happening? What are you thinking?" He asks worriedly, wanting to get into your brain to figure out what caused your sudden breakdown, needing to know so he can convince you it’s nothing like he always does. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You mumble, monotone. You’re fucking exhausted and traumatized. You feel like you’ve been violated. You just want to go to sleep and not wake up. 

“Baby, please, just talk to me. I can fix it.” 

You glare at him. “Fix it? As if you’ve ever taken my concerns seriously. You’d just tell me it’s all in my head and–” You shut yourself up. You don’t want to talk to him about this. It hurts enough when he dismisses your dreams normally. It would fucking kill you if he made light of what you just experienced, even if it was all in your head.  

Surprisingly, in a move totally unlike him, Beomgyu relents. “I take you seriously. You don’t even know.” He says, head bowed sadly. “It’s you who doesn’t.”

What does that even mean? Is he talking about his jealousy over Taehyun? Yes, you admit he may have been right about that but there are many other things he was wrong about. But you don’t have the energy to get into it right now. 

“Take me to bed.”

“Yes, princess.” He sighs, head bowed as he carries you in his arms and takes you to bed, putting you under the sheets and climbing in next to you. 

“I never want to hurt you.” He murmurs, taking you in his arms and kissing the top of your head. You shiver at his choice of words. 

Never wants to hurt you. Not is never going to hurt you. 

__________________________

A/N: lol I was supposed to do this early release on patreon but here is a surprise. as always i really appreciate any feedback. whenever I am going through hard times I keep reverting back to missing yamqn gyu and wishing for him to comfort him despite how objectively terrible he is :'D

once again

[sleepershell]

truth or dare

synopsis y/n convinces the Skittles to play truth or dare. It's all fun and games until Reggie doesn't like your answers. He storms out and, when you go to confront him, he's forced to admit how he feels.

Word count 1309

note loosely based on a prompt I saw @sufferingstarlight write from.

warnings a little sad, angst, mention of death eaters/the dark mark, some swearing

pairing Regulus Black x reader (no pronouns I think? Although I was writing it thinking f! Reader)

I couldn’t believe I’d convinced all these pureblood wizards to play a muggle game. But there they were, all my friends, sitting around me and playing a game of truth or dare. Evan charmed a Hufflepuff girl into giving us some weed for free, and we’d smoked it outside before running giggling back to the Slytherin common room. The seventh years all left at the first sight of us. They probably knew we were in the mood to start some trouble. 

It was never hard to sneak Dora in anymore, although that probably had something to do with Regulus’ clout among our housemates for being a Black. Or maybe our housemates’ fear of him being a Death Eater. Either way, it worked out well for us. Dora was leaning against Reg, her long legs splayed in front of her. I was in a similar position, my top half leaning on Cas so she could play with my hair. It was the most euphoric feeling in the world to have her hands in my hair, especially when I was high. Evan was between Cas and Reg, while Barty sat between Dora’s and my feet. It was a good position, since I could give him a good kick whenever he said something stupid. With all that brain of his, one would expect him to say less dumb shit. 

I was just recovering from a fit of laughter at Evan’s last confession when Cas asked “y/n, truth or dare?”

“Hm,” I pretended to think. Normally I would love a good dare but, knowing Cas, she’d try to give me something she knew I’d struggle with. No one quite knew how to push my buttons like my best friend. “Truth this time.” I cracked my knuckles for effect. 

“Alrighttt.” I could feel the vibrations in her chest as she spoke. “If you could kiss any of the boys at school, who would it be?” 

My stomach dropped. Of course, she still had found a way to torture me. Oh, that girl was going to get jinxed later. She’d never be able to sleep safely in our room again. There was no way I could tell the truth. It would be painfully embarrassing to admit who I really, really wanted to kiss in this group. I wouldn’t live it down. Barty was wagging his eyebrows at me, and Evan looked equally interested in my answer. I was always so careful to keep who I liked close to my chest, though I suspected everyone already knew. I had to think of something before the length of time got way too suspicious. I let a glance fly over at Reg. Like always, he just stared at me, eyes blank, a slight furrow in his brow. I should say Sirius. Then maybe he’d actually react to me for once. Then maybe I’d know how he felt. Saying Potter might hurt him even more… But I couldn’t do something like that to him. 

“Uh, Remus, I guess.” I shrugged. 

Barty wrinkled his nose at that. “That boring friend of Sirius’?”

“He’s not boring,” I protested, “he’s… nice.” 

A scoff from Regulus. 

 I sat up straight, ready for a fight. “Is there something you want to say?”

“Nope.” Cocky asshole.

“Fine.” I crossed my arms. “Reggie: truth or dare?” 

“Truth.” His dark eyes were still blank but I could see tension in his lips. 

“Who in school would you kiss?”

He shook his head with a small laugh. “This muggle game is ridiculous.” 

All at once he was standing and stalking out of the common room with the haughty grace typical of all the Blacks. Pandora looked shocked when he disappeared from beside her and nearly fell over. Other than she and I, everyone gave a collective shrug. It wasn’t out of character for Reg to leave so abruptly, to get rumpled over nothing. But this time I hopped up from my spot as well. He couldn’t just leave like that. 

“Where are you going?” Evan asked. 

“I’m going to find that fucker.” I called back over my shoulder.

“Oh boy.” I could hear them all break out into laughter as I slammed the door behind me.

Regulus wasn’t hard to find. When I didn’t see him in the dungeons I knew where else to look. It was late in an October evening, and I had to wrap my arms around myself as I followed the edge of the Black Lake. There was no moon above, the only reflections cast on the water from the monolith of a castle behind me. So many days we’d spent out on the bank of the lake, on the side closest to the Forbidden Forest. There was nowhere else he’d go.

And there was Reg, pacing back and forth, his hands held out in front of him grasping the cold air. Strong hands. Piano hands. Writing hands. Hands I’d almost reached out for so, so many times. He appeared suspended in an argument with nothing.

I held my tongue until I was near, but had to speak when my presence wasn’t acknowledged. That close, I could finallyI see emotion on his face. Twisted up and white as a sheet. 

“Reg, tell me what’s going on.” My voice was soft, barely more than a rasp. 

“Nothing.” Still not a glance at me, though he’d stopped pacing. His chest was heaving as if he’d been yelling. “Go back inside, y/n.” 

He loved to give orders. As if anyone had any reason to obey him. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” The words flew out of me with a bite, and he looked up as if he’d been slapped. Maybe my tone was too close to his dreadful mother’s for comfort. But I couldn’t worry about that. We’d been playing pretend for too long. “Do you have a problem with Remus or do you have a problem with me?”

He scoffed again, his eyes up to the moonless sky. “You have no idea what I’ve got going on.” He always had to play superior. Always had to play prince. 

“Salazar, Regulus, I’m not a bloody idiot! Do you think that little of me?” 

He glared down at me, his eyes glistening. I took a step closer. The gap between us was so small I could feel his breath. 

“Either you’re jealous and you want me or you don’t and you’re the blood purity asshole Black family heir you want everyone to think you are. Just say which.” 

“Stop.” He shook his head at me.

“I’m already in. You can’t scare me away.” 

“Please stop.” Head still shaking. 

“I am in love with you, Regulus. I won’t take it back because it’s true and you can’t ignore it anymore.”  I could see the water welling in his lower lids. It was in mine, too. 

“We can’t,” he breathed. 

My hand, out of reflex more than anything else, lifted to his chin. I brushed my thumb along his bottom lip. He didn’t shy away from my touch like he had so many times before. 

“Please walk away.” There was so much desperation in those eyes. “Please.” 

“Why?”

He grasped his sleeve and wrenched it up. I didn’t have to look; I already knew. 

“If I have to take the mark myself, I will. Anything. Anything.”

“Fuck,” he sobbed, the tears finally falling. He let himself fall forward with them, our foreheads bumping against one another. 

“You love me.” I didn’t ask, but it was a question. A desperate question I’d asked myself about him a million times before. Does Regulus Black love me like I love him?

A nod that shook my own head with it. His red-rimmed eyes bore into me. “I love you.”

I moved my hands to cup his face on either side. “You never told me your answer.” 

And then I felt the softness of his lips on mine. 

xx

[baileypie-writes]

Following the requests of a neutral reading younger brother, I watched a video where Velvelt and Venner have their brother (who is a preteen) hospitalized. Can we see a one-shot on that topic? That their main reasons for becoming famous was to pay for their brother's treatment, but over time fame went to their heads and they forgot the true purpose of all this. Also, ironically, he gets along with the entire BroZone gang (also Popy and Viva) compared to how Velvelt and Venner got along with them in the movie.

A/N ~ Sure! I love this idea(I also love all the details you added). Hope you enjoy!

~We Meant It For You~

Velvet and Veneer + Preteen!Younger Brother!Reader

Fandom: Trolls 3: Band Together

Relationship: Familial

Synopsis: Velvet and Veneer are reminded of why they wanted to be famous in the first place.

Warnings: Hurt/comfort, angst, Reader being sick(illness not specified)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They lost everything. Their fame, their adoring fans, their yachts. They had everything they could ever want, but it was stripped from them in an instant. Their actions had finally caught up to them, and they had to pay the price.

~~~~

Prison was just as bad Velvet and Veneer had imagined. The food was awful, the clothes were ugly and uncomfortable, and they were bored out of their minds.

Today, though, they got to visit somebody they haven’t seen in a long time. You. Their little brother.

~~~~

Velvet and Veneer looked down at their shoes to avoid the stares as they were escorted through the hospital. They soon arrived at a very familiar door. Their reflections showed on the shiny numbers, almost shaming them. Though they were brought out of their gloom when they heard laughing coming from inside.

When the door opened, they saw a sight that was unexpected. You were there, of course. But on the bed with you were the trolls. The very ones that ended their career. Poppy and Viva were putting tiny braids in your hair, and Velvet wanted to scream at them. But seeing your sweet face stopped her.

The moment you layed your eyes on them, you let out a gasp of excitement. “Velvet! Veneer!” You hopped out of your bed, causing some of the trolls to tumble over. You launched yourself into their arms. Veneer returned the hug very tightly. But Velvet couldn’t bring herself to look at your face.

Your happy greeting barely registered itself inside the twins’s brains. All they could think about was how awful they felt.

The whole reason they started their career was for you. To pay for your treatment. They couldn’t bear seeing you so sick, so they took matters into their own hands. They did everything they could to become famous, even kidnapping innocent trolls. The very one they tortured was sitting on your bed. The same bed they used to spend hours talking to you on.

Over time, the money and fame got to their heads. They almost completely forgot about why they did this in the first place. Their only reminders were when they paid the hospital bills. So this visit was a big reality check for them.

“Guys, guess what?” You asked excitedly. They had to pull themselves out of their thoughts to respond.

“What? Is it how big you’ve gotten?” Veneer asked, ruffling your hair.

“Nope! I get to go home today! My sickness is completely gone!” The twins were speechless. They succeeded. The treatment worked, and now you could be a normal kid again.

“That’s great! I’m so happy for you!” Veneer hugged you again, and the trolls threw a mini celebration in the background, making you laugh.

Velvet still hadn’t said a word this whole time, making you concerned.

“Velvet?” You pulled at her sleeve. That’s when she finally got a good look at you. You looked happy, and most importantly, healthy. That was it for her. She didn’t need money, and she didn’t need fame. Not anymore. The only thing that mattered to her now was what started everything. Her little brother.

She hugged you tight. The tightest she ever had. She hid her face so you wouldn’t see the tears that threatened to spill.

“That’s great (name).”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~baileypie-writes

[mimiii-3]

Twst boys react to an insecure reader

Note/warning: gn reader, slight angst, self deprecating language, comfort, fluff

. . .

Ace

You: I’m hoping this scar oil can help fade my stretch marks.

• protests immediately

• probably starts screaming hysterically

• ‘no no no this can’t be!’

• this man love LOVES you

• that includes all of your stretch marks

• he’s always loved your many stretch marks no matter where they are on your body

• your hip, thigh, and butt stretch marks drive him bonkers

• he kept it a secret because he didn’t want you getting creeped out by him

• but now he wishes he had told you every loving thought that crossed his mind about your stretch marks

• he would rather die than ever let you get rid of them

“Babe, I love your tiger stripes. I swear I will tie myself to you if you even THINK about trying to fade them.”

Leona

You: Maybe I should try and find a way to get rid of these love handles…

• this lazy boy is about to start a riot

• he WILL overblot if you even try to get rid of them

• that’s like him saying he wants to try and get rid of his gorgeous mane - it doesn’t make any sense

• he finds your love handles incredibly useful

• whenever y’all cuddle, his hands are glued to your love handles

• gripping and massaging them is his favorite past time

• he is convinced that holding your love handles improves his mental health

• he grabs you and pulls you into bed with him

• he slinks down and starts to kiss your love handles (and occasionally nips them with his teeth)

• he looks up at you and let’s out a light growl

“Nope. I don’t give you permission to get rid of MY love handles. Yes, mine. Every single part of you belongs to me.”

Deuce

You: I’m going to have to toss this shirt. It’s super cute but I hate the way it accentuates my tummy rolls.

• this poor bby is deeply disturbed

• his soulmate hates themself??? (Yes, he knows you’re his soulmate. Y’all are meant to be together forever)

• you legitimately made his heart hurt

• one of his favorite physical features of yours is your tummy rolls

• he shuffles over to you standing in front of the mirror

• he wraps his arm around your torso and rests his hand on your tummy

• kisses the back of your neck while he rubs your tummy rolls

• you’ve grown completely flustered, surprised by Deuce’s sudden onslaught of affection

• you ask him what’s wrong but he just stays quiet

• after a few minutes of begging him to say something, he looks up at you through the reflection in the mirror

• his eyes are watery and his lip trembles as he begins to talk

“Please don’t say stuff like that. I like this shirt and I like your tummy rolls. I’m gonna show you how beautiful you are, no matter how long it takes.”

Ruggie

You: Your teeth are so perfect Ruggie. It’s hard not to compare them to mine. I wish my teeth looked more like yours with no gap whatsoever.

• he’s completely thrown off

• you think his teeth are perfect? Wait. You don’t like your teeth???

• but he loves your cute gap

• starts putting the pieces together and realizes that recently you’ve been covering your mouth when you smile

• how could he not have noticed this sooner?

• mentally hitting himself for letting your negative feelings go unnoticed

• wracks his brain for a temporary solution

• let’s out a disgruntled sigh before pulling you to him by your collar

• maybe a steamy make out sesh will do the trick

• leaves you an out-of-breath mess

• leans back and gives you a mischievous smirk

“You think my teeth are perfect? Well you’re perfect. Which means that your teeth, including my favorite gap, are perfect. If your brain starts producing those negative thoughts again then I guess I’ll have to kiss em out of you.”

Malleus

You: God I hate my cellulite. It makes me look so ugly.

• he has gone completely silent

• the way he’s staring at you is haunting

• he probably doesn’t even know what/where cellulite is

• all he can think about is the fact you said it makes you look ugly

• to find out that the love of his life hates an aspect of themself is numbing

• ‘what do you mean you hate your cellulite? Show me.’

• you show him the cellulite on your legs

• now he’s really confused as to why you don’t like it

• he thinks it makes your legs look like they have dimples

• Malleus proceeds to get down on one knee

• his slender hand grabs you right leg and holds it in place

• he litters kisses all over your cellulite

“I do not appreciate the way you talk about my heart and soul. You look stunning. Always. That includes this cellulite you seem to hate so much.”

. . .

Note: how malleus was staring at you after you said you hate your cellulite:

[sanaxo-o]

Back 2 You (Kim Sunwoo)

Too @o-onikix : happiest birthday to my ride or die, my Monica to my Rachel, my everything 🥺. I love you so so much and even tho I was not able to write for Wonwoo or Seungcheol I hope you like this little something I wrote for Sunwoo (which is totally not based on your character. Nope 👎). Again thank you for always being there for, you were literally there through it all (the days I was down, the time I was balling my eyes out and also when I was the happiest girl. It was truly only possible to be that happy because you were there by my side and it means a lot to me). I love how you’re always so protective of me and taking care of me through out all that has been happening nowadays:( I will always love you and cherish you. Thank you for always listening to me rant on and on about Chanhee and the detective from Revenant. I am definitely NOT gonna stop doing that anytime soon haha. Again a happiest birthday babes <3

Warnings/Genre: situationship to lovers, they make out even tho they’re ‘enemies’, Sunwoo is a football player (pls don’t make me say soccer. I will never say that) while the reader is a cheerleader, it is said that he is toxic but he didn’t really show it, reader very much day dreams about Sunwoo, fluff, mentions of alcohol, they make out in the night sky, angst (a bit), hurt comfort

Word count: 2,407

Sana: hellooooo, back with a Sunwoo fic because it’s my besties birthday. Wasn’t able to write much because of lack of motivation but got some energy on Friday and was able to finish it till Saturday so yay me lol. A huge thanks to @deobienthusiast @sohnric and @jinnieboosworld for beta reading (and thanks to bar for helping me with the grammar and stuff). Sincerely sorry to @from-izzy for not letting her beta 😂 but here it is <3

Taglist: @cloverdaisies @kimsohn @mosviqu @a-dream-bookmark @deoboyznet

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

It’s not like you hated Sunwoo (you did)–it’s just that most of the time that guy was just so full of himself, when in reality no one really cares about what he was saying (it was mostly him trying to flirt).

Sunwoo just had his own way of getting on your damn nerves just by a single smirk which makes its way to his face whenever he sees you in the hallways, in the class or even on the turf.

Typically, you wouldn’t mind his presence or anything. It wasn’t like you would be able to avoid him even if you wanted to.

Being the captain of the cheerleading team meant that you’d be practising on the ground while Sunwoo would be playing football (I mean, it’s not like you would steal secret yet frequent glances at him just to take a small look at him while he was busy playing. Of course not!).

I mean…of course, it’s kind of embarrassing (for you) if someone got to take a look inside your brain and all they would see are the fantasies you have about Sunwoo.

You find the fact that you’d like someone who’s just sooo cocky for their own sake that he just thinks that anyone who stares at him would go down on their knees, begging for attention or at least a glance from him, hilarious and hard to believe yourself.

But no, you were not like that. You were none of that, you were anything but that. You knew just how twisted Sunwoo was—I mean, of course you would… you were the one who was in the backseat of his car, making out with him when everyone was inside the house partying.

No matter how much you deny yourself, you cannot help but blush at the fact that you had made out with Sunwoo on numerous occasions.

Despite all of that you know that Sunwoo isn’t the one. Like the amount of times he had picked someone else over you made it clear that he is not someone who would be committed in a relationship (it’s not even like you were looking for a serious relationship yourself, but the thing is, deep down, you knew that whenever he would not prioritise you, you were of course hurt).

It's not even like you want to settle for the bare minimum, no! That is not who you are, but the times Sunwoo had taken care of you while you were drunk, the times he was there while you were at your lowest, really proved to you that he could be the one.

Only if you both were mature enough (and less egoistic) to realise your feelings for each other sooner, than maybe, maybe, you wouldn’t have been in this situation of push and pull anymore.

-x-

Heaving out a long sigh, you take your heels off as you sit on the footpath with regret and embarrassment.

Regret because you let some dumb fool take you out on a date a day before your birthday, and embarrassment for getting stood up like that.

If you would have known it would turn out like this, you wouldn’t have even agreed to this pathetic date. You knew he was just gonna use you like any other guy. That’s what guys do! But then again, you only agreed to this because your friends were forcing you to ‘live your life’ and to also move on from Sunwoo.

Their exact words would be: ‘Just get over Sunwoo.’ Like, when were you even under him to even get over him was the first thing to come to your mind; but then again…you did make out with him… maybe once? Or like twice (it was more than that for sure) but that’s not the case!

You were never even in love with Sunwoo to get over him or move on from him– they were just being ridiculous as always, was what you said to yourself.

But you knew better. You knew better than that, because of course, you always found yourself going back to him, no matter what the situation or state you were in.

And he was always there to cheer you up, or even just to make you laugh– even if it was just for a little while, that smile lasted you for a whole day.

That’s how Sunwoo was to you. Yes, he was an annoying jerk who was always full of himself and very much selfish, yet, he was also the one who was there for you when you needed him, no? I mean, yeah, he might have ditched you a couple of times, but what’s that gonna do when the amount of times he showed his support to you weighed more than the times he was being ignorant?

As a human, of course you would rather look at the bright side and the times where it was better than the ones in which you felt heartbroken or just…unwanted.

Now, that was also the exact reason why your fingers were automatically dialling Sunwoo’s number. Were you scared that he wouldn't pick up? Yes, but you knew he would. Because it was a rare occurrence for you to call him at this time of the day so he always made sure to pick up the call no matter what– that’s what you observed from him.

It was like an unspoken rule he had for you and only you. Maybe in that way you felt like you were special to him, because you both knew that he wouldn’t come running like that in the middle of the night for anyone but you.

“Can you come and pick me up? I will send you my location,” was all you said as you hung up on the call and sent him your current location.

You did not have to listen to his answer to know that he’s gonna come and get you, because you were more than sure that he will. That’s just how he is.

You stop looking down when you feel a presence standing in front of you. Slowly lifting your head up, you sniffle when your eyes make contact with the one who was standing in front of you, almost breathless.

“What’s wrong, hmm?” He asks gently while kneeling down, taking out a handkerchief from his back pocket and gently wiping the tears which were unknowingly flowing down your cheeks.

The tears were not there because of being stood up, but because of the fact that only now did you realise that you love him.

“Why are you so nice to me but you’re the same person whom I hate from the bottom of my heart?” You mumble quietly as you get up from the floor and hand your heels and purse over to Sunwoo, who held them without asking any questions.

Leaving him behind, you walk towards his car which was parked hastily, maybe because he was bad at parking (that’s a lie and even you knew that.). Entering the passenger seat, you look ahead with no certain thoughts circling your mind.

You just waited for Sunwoo to come in and drive away from here– and that’s exactly what he did, no questions asked. He knew better than to ask you anything about what happened.

With silence engulfing the two of you, you stare outside the window with some soft music playing in the background.

You could see Sunwoo’s reflection through the window– the way the night sky was shining its bright light on him andhis oh so fluffy hair which was a bit messy giving you the slightest urge to fix it for him, but you stopped yourself from doing so.

You stay quiet when Sunwoo stops the car by a small convenience store and leaves you by yourself to get something from there. You didn’t havethe slightest bit of energy in your body to even ask him what he was doing, so you just waited for him to come back.

The only thing which was on your mind right now was to go back to the comforts of your house with your favourite tub of ice cream (and a warm cup of coffee), laying in your bed as you watch your comfort film to ease your mind.

You snap out of your thoughts when you hear the door opening and see Sunwoo getting back into his seat with a plastic bag in his hand. You don’t pay much attention to him and just continue spacing out when you hear his soft, honey like voice again.

“Here.” That was when you realised Sunwoo was handing you chocolate ice cream.

Unknowingly, a small smile creeps up your face as you happily accept it with no further questions asked.

Just like that, Sunwoo started the car again as he drove off from there.

“You’re not in a hurry to go back home, are you?” He asks with his eyes solely focused on the road (with the occasional glances he was stealing at you, but we don’t talk about that).

“Why? You wanna take me out?” You ask teasingly as you take a bite out of your ice cream happily.

“Something like that… I wanna show you something.” You just stare at him when he says that and slowly nod your head. You trusted Sunwoo enough to know that he won’t do anything wrong, especially if you were there with him.

“Lead the way then, I guess.” You reply softly while finishing the rest of your ice cream.

“We’re already there, actually. Come out,” he says excitedly as he gets out of the car and goes to the front., Standing there, he waits for you to join him as he stares up at the night sky.

“The night sky is beautiful…” you say with amusement lacing your voice as you look up in awe.

“Right?” He replies back with a small laugh as he steals a small glance at you, “Do you… want to sit on the hood of the car? I can help you,” he questions softly while turning back to look at you.

Giving him a small nod, you yelp in surprise when Sunwoo lifts you up effortlessly and places you on top of the car.

After a moment of silence, you open your mouth to speak only to close it again, not knowing how to form the right words.

“Say what you want to say. I am all ears,” was all you hear from him as he keeps on contently staring up at the sky.

“Why are you doing all this?” You finally find the courage to ask him as you look down at your fingers, too afraid to look at the expressions he had on his face.

“Doing what? Being nice to you and only you?” He questions you back. There was no hint of teasing or mockery in his tone, yet, you kept on shyly playing with your fingers.

You stop playing with your fingers when Sunwoo gently grabs a hold of them. Looking up at him, you could feel your heart taking a small leap at the way he was so close, yet so far away from you.

He immediately turns around and points up at the sky, “You notice that one star over there? The most still and the clear one?” He asks before looking back at you. When you slowly shake your head, he looks back up again and continues. “That’s a North Pole star. It’s called Polaris and it’s known to be the constant star. It was used in navigation in old times,” he tells you before he hops on top of the car and sits beside you.

“What do you wanna say?” You ask softly as you stare at him in confusion. You did not know why he was talking in riddles like that, but it slightly amused you .

“I don’t want to be someone who is only there when you need me I want to be there when you’re happy, sad, or just… there. I want to be as constant as that star, Y/N. I might be ready to commit again,” he says softly as he takes your hand in his and kisses the back of your hand.

“What if you leave me?” You question him back. You were afraid that he might get bored of you and leave you– maybe that was one of the reasons which was stopping you from expressing yourself fully to him.

“What if I don't? I have been there for you even when we were sworn enemies… but then what if I am there for you not as your enemy, but as your boyfriend?” He explains himself before slowly inching closer towards you. “I want to be there for you Y/N, as your boyfriend and not just some guy you call when you’re in need.”

He says that as he slowly grabs a hold of your jawline,caressing it gently with his fingers while staring into your eyes. “Can I be your boyfriend?” He asks softly while stealing a small glance at your lips before quickly locking his eyes with yours.

When he sees the small glimpse of you nodding your head, he wastes no time and pulls you closer towards him, one hand still caressing your jaw while the other slowly creeps its way up your cheek.

You smile in the kiss when you sense the way he was being soft and gentle– unlike the times when you both had kissed before. This was different.

This kiss held everything which the others lacked– the soft, yet slow movements of his lips against yours as you slowly bring your hand up to his hair to entangle your fingers with the strands.

Pulling away from you, Sunwoo looks at you with a huge smile creeping up to his cheekbones. He goes back to his original position, licking his lips.

“You know what, Sunwoo?” You ask softly while your hands find his bigger ones to hold onto them.

Moving closer towards him, you place your head on his shoulder as you both look up at the sky, “I somehow always seem to find my way back to you,” you tell him with a gentle sigh escaping your lips.

You could hear a soft chuckle escaping his lips, which made you smile in return. “We are both on the same boat, then,” he whispers while placing his own head on top of yours.

[doromoni]

Hunting Affections

Charles Leclerc x photographer ! reader

Max Verstappen x photographer ! reader

Part 7.

fanfic + smau fic

y/n faceclaim : Hwang Eunbi

warnings : small amounts of possessiveness and angsts :>>

A/N : UP FOR EDITING 🤍

<previous next>

Summary; Love is but a concept — just connections of neurons that take part in the brain … and yet, why is it the most painful when one falls alone?

or

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back , until you can’t no more. Maybe then they’ll actually know what they’ve lost.

maxverstappen1 3 mins

viewed by y/n_stills. , oscarpiastri , olliebearman , arthur_leclerc and 2,839,624 others

reposted by arthur_leclerc , olliebearman, and oscarpiastri

arthur_leclerc 1 min

viewed by charles_leclerc , maxverstappen1, ferraridrivingacademy, and 1,626,716 others

story replies

charles_leclerc You’re with Verstappen?! Arthur, we’re brothers how can you do this?!! He is the person who stole y/n from me!! And why are you even at y/n’s house? Are still talking to her, when I specifically said don’t?!

arthur_leclerc I get to choose who I get to be friends with, Charles. I won’t let you dictate my relationship with y/n anymore, she is like family to me. I’m trying to fix our relationship… I could only say that you should do the same. I’ll talk to you in person if you want to say more.

y/n_stills.

liked by maxverstappen1 , oscarpiastri , olliebearman , arthur_leclerc and 1,378,417 others

tagged maxverstappen1 , oscarpiastri , olliebearman , and , arthur_leclerc

y/n_stills. what a weird family date. I came home with can I be your grid child applications. @maxvertappen1 can you handle 2 more?

I didn’t let them drink or over feed them. We followed the meal plan . There’s a responsible adult here (me) 😇

maxverstappen1 we barely have @oscarpiastri for a month, can I buy you a dog instead?

y/n_stills. aw, sorry @olliebearman and @arthurleclerc . Papa said no :((

oscarpiastri yeah nah, I’m good being an only child. Thanks.

olliebearman what? Nooooooo. what do I need to do to pass @maxvestappen1?

arthur_leclerc yup , same question 🙋‍♂️ was our fifa game not enough @maxverstappen1

oscarpiastri @olliebearman @arthur_leclerc you need to win the F2 championship, that’s all. 😁

y/n_stills. welp there you go! That’s the requirement, kids. Good luck 😊

maxverstappen1 they said it, not me 🤷‍♂️

ferraridriveracademy hear that boys? @olliebearman @arthur_leclerc win the championship 🫣

y/n_stills. @ferraridriveracademy … nope, shhh shhh none from you 😀 promise an f1 seat first then talk.

landonorris Max sent me a video of everyone eating McFlurries :)) great meal plan ! Count me in

y/n_stills. what McFlurry 😊 there was no ice cream involved . right @maxvestappen1

danielricciardo Max sent me the same vid. @y/n_stills. What’s up with you and McFlurries?

y/n_stills. MAX!! i told you not to tattle >:(( and fyi danny ricccccc McFlurries are the best, that’s why.

maxverstappen1 sorry, dear 😅

oscarpiastri not gonna lie it was good.

landonorris you like anything sweet 🙄

arthur_leclerc McFlurries are good. I liked it. Period

olliebearman well it is worth the calories

y/n_stills. more than gelato? @olliebearman @arthur_leclerc🧐

arthur_leclerc 😐😐😐

olliebearman uhhhhh

Bffusername are these my nephews?

y/n_stills. you’ll finally meet everyone tomorrow!!

lewishamilton You went to the restaurant!

y/n_stills. We did! Thanks for the recommendation, Lew!

user1 why are they fighting about McFlurries? Did I miss a chapter?

user2 at this point I just sit back and watch the chaos.

user3 I know right? The grid interaction this season is extra silly.

user4 not y/n feeding the grid kids sweets 🥺, why is that endearing. Imagine max driving through a McDonald’s drive through with the kids at the back seat . Oh no I’m soft

user5 @user4 let’s be delulu together! That’s so domesticated, I cant handle it.

y/n_stills. @user4 what if I said, that actually happened 🫣

user4 OH MY!! Y/N !! Nooooo you did not 😭😭.

user6 we’re do I subscribe for keeping up with the Verstappens?

y/n_stills. No stop, this sound so fun! Someone write that down!

user6 you heard y/n! Produce it now!

user7 Max being a grid dad was not on my 2023 bingo card

user8 but we are not complaining, @y/n_stills. pls give us more family content

Bffusername 1h

viewed by y/n_stills. , landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 626,717 others

story replies

y/n_stills. I got you boo 😘

bffusername I also want the pin thingy you have >:(( how do I get that?

y/n_stills. you mean the team access badge? HAHAHAH either work for a team or date a driver 🤷‍♂️

Bffusername oh… HAHAHAHAHAHHA

y/n_stills. COME ON BE A WAG , choose someone single from the grid!!

Bffusername df y/n? The only people I know here are you and Max. Oh and that guy I bumped into before going to the garage. I think he followed me just now?

y/n_stills. b/f/n?!! WHAT?!! Spill!! I leave you for 1 minute for work and you already found someone.

Bffusername Dude chill! I’m a singer, he probably followed me because of that, though it was my private account… maybe he made a mistake. I think you know him quite well actually! He said his name was Nando Lorris?

y/n_stills. NO. Shut up. b/f/n….do you mean Lando Norris? Was his hair brown and messy , green eyes and was he wearing orange?

Bffusername YES! THATS HIM! yeah I bumped into him outside the McLaren(?) garage. The one beside the Ferrari one.

y/n_stills. And He followed you on instagram? your private one? I can’t wait to rub this in his face!! HAHAHAHAHAHA this is GOLD.

Bffusername what do you mean?

y/n_stills. Oh nothing my gorgeous best friend ~ hang on tight for a few more minutes, I’m almost done with work

Bffusername No worries , babe! It’s urgent and I’m a big girl and I can handle myself 😘.

I quickly pulled out my messages and started text bombing Lando.

————-F1 Breaking-————

FIA denies Ferrari’s appeal towards claims of impeding towards Leclerc by Red bull's Verstappen , Perez and McLaren's Norris, Piastri. Both teams will not face any penalties and will continue the race with a warning.

————————————

b/f/n and I strolled through the circuit, trying to find our way towards the red bull car of max in the front of the grid. Finding the act to be a difficulty as the grid became packed with people trying to have a look at the cars and some looking for a chance to talk to the drivers.

Holding onto b/f/n’s hand , I tried to lead us towards the front — when a mic suddenly appeared and the all too familiar friendly voice of David Croft boomed, and the camera focused on us.

“Y/N! It’s Lovely to see down here again! We have been missing your presence at Sky. So how have you been? “ A feeling of fondness blossomed in my heart at the sight of an old colleague and friend.

With a smile . I answered the jolly commentator

“Crofty! It’s lovely to see you too! Well, i’ll admit it’s quite weird to be at the receiving end of the microphone. I’ve been great, thank you for asking! “ Crofty’s eyes fell towards my best friend , who interestingly was a very popular singer.

A chuckle fell from my mouth as Crofty started to fire questions towards the clueless b/f/n — who did not realise that the person she was talking to was the colleague that i’ve told her stories about on so many occasions.

“Ms. b/f/n, What a surprise to see you here, a pleasant surprise of course! I didn’t know that you were a fan of the sport! Are you having fun so far?”

“Oh, well I don’t really know much about F1 to be considered a fan. Y/n , here begged me to finally meet her friends and to see what all the fuss was about. Well, I’ll admit, everything has been exhilarating so far! The energy here is amazing. “

“Well thank you so much for talking to us , Ms. b/f/n! And y/n we really do need to catch up more often~ bye ladies!” Clutching b/f/n’s hand a little tighter as people kept pushing through.

I continued to venture towards Red Bull. Then a flash of orange lingering towards my right and a thought came to mind. With a smirk playing on my lips, I pulled b/f/n towards the car of the one and only Nando Lorris

“Y/n, where are you taking me? The red bull cars are that way” b/f/n said as she pointed towards the front of the grid. Pasting my most innocent smile on, I only looked at her and continued to pull.

“Oh Landoooo~” I chimed as soon as we were close enough for the British driver to hear. At the sound of my voice , he turned around — his green eyes slowly growing bigger at the sight of my companion. A sly grin formed on my lips.

“b/f/n this is Lando , Lando this is b/f/n. Isn’t it nice that my best friends are finally meeting each other? You two get to know each other , I’ll go find Max. Ok? Bye! I’ll find you before the anthem starts! Lando will explain ~ “ I dashed away as soon as I said bye, not leaving enough time for any of them to interrupt. Better make great use of the opportunity, Lando.

Skipping through the crowd, as the Red and Blue car of my boyfriend grew nearer. And there stood Max, in all his glory; clothed in his fireproofs with his race suit only zipped halfway. A faux red bull can in his hand , teeth gently biting the straw as he spoke to his race engineer. Dark blonde hair deliciously tousled from his balaclava. Skin flushed red from the heat of the engine

Appreciating my boyfriend, my eyes travelling all over his physique. Max was made for racing, he was so in tune with the environment, the car, the people… everything — it was electrifying to witness. Oh how did I not see him sooner.

Feeling my gaze on him, Max’s eyes found mine. A charming smile overtook his features, as he beckoned me towards him. As I came near enough, Max had pulled me into his arms and placed a kiss on my lips, a hand cupping my jaw.

The mix of the sudden public display of affection and my already heated thoughts made blood rush to my cheeks. Embarrassed , as I hid my face in his embrace and mumbled.

“Max, people are watching”

“Let them watch, I don’t care,” Max said as he placed another peck on my forehead. I lifted my head to look into his eyes, my chin resting on his hardened chest. A look of fondness flashed through his features as he quickly planted another kiss on my lips making me melt into his embrace even further.

“Max , when I said people watching, I meant our boss is watching” I said chuckling softly as I looked towards the direction of Christian Horner, who was now faking a cough along with Max’s other engineers.

“Alright! I’m sorry! “ Max said jokingly , as he let me out of his embrace— only to catch my hand in his and intertwine our fingers in the process.

“How was your day , Liebling? Oh , where is b/f/n? “ Max said as he pulled us to a quieter part of the track. At the mention of b/f/n’s name , the sly grin once again graced my face.

“Everything was alright, love~ and b/f/n is with McLaren” A look of confusion was present in the Dutchman’s face.

“She knows someone from McLaren? I thought you and I were the only people she knew here”

“ Well apparently, my dearest Emilian , a certain McLaren driver “bumped” into b/f/n and “accidentally” followed her private instagram account” I spilled with a cheeky-est smile I could muster.

Then suddenly a look of understanding passed through Max

“NOOOO LANDO?!! how didn’t I see this? He follows all her public accounts and he’s always listening to her music “ Max eyes were shot wide , I giggled as I nodded to him

“That’s what I said!! Lando better not screw this up” I stated elated that Max was in the same wavelength. Suddenly the alarm that the nation’s anthem would be starting soon rang, catching both Max's and I's attention.

“My Love, I need to fetch b/f/n. I’ll see you again in the garage, okay?” I detached my hand from his , only to find its way to his structured jaw

“Good luck and please be safe. Win or lose, you will always be my champion” Max leaned his forehead to mine, a habit the he grew to do everytime that he was overwhelmed with emotion.

“I love you, Liebling”

“And I love you , Max”

Gazing into his eyes, then placing my lips to his once more . Not noticing the splash of red passing behind us.

—————-

“And it’s lights out, and away we go!” And With Crofty’s signature phrase, the racr had officially begun.

The first few laps had been successful for all teams, having no collisions or machinery errors this far into the race.

Time passed as quickly as the cars had. The laps had been halved, with teams gaining positions while others have lost positions; and Ferrari belonged to the latter.

The race was going as usual, with Max leading grid. Until a weird radio call from Checo’s car was broadcasted.

*radio beep*

* WHAT IS LECLERC DOING?? He didn’t leave enough space! We almost collided again, that’s twice!! Is the FIA investigating?*

* Copy , Checo. We will talk to the stewards again. *

* What position am I in now?*

* That’s P4, P4*

*radio end*

Then another radio call was heard, this time it was from Hamilton in the Mercedes car.

*radio beep*

* I see , a Ferrari behind . Will they be attacking? *

* that is Leclerc and Ferrari will not attack and they will conserve the tires*

* Cop- WHAT THE ****! Leclerc suddenly attacked! He’s infront but his tires are not good*

*radio end*

Confusion filled all the team garages, including the Italian team in red . As another radio call was broadcasted, this time it was from Ferrari themselves

*radio beep*

*Charles do not push! Tires are degraded!*

* Charles, do you copy?*

* LECLERC BOX BOX! TIRES ARE DEGRADING FAST, YOU’LL BLOW A TIRE*

*radio ends*

A sudden silence filled the air as people tried to understand the situation. As engineers busied themselves with data and informing drivers of the situation. Anxiety filled me as Charles slowly closed the gap between his Ferrari and Max’s Red bull. The sudden departure of b/f/n didn’t help either , as she had an urgent family matter to handle.

Everyone was holding their breaths as the last lap of the race approached. I focused my eyes on the screen and listened closely to the commentator.

“It's the final lap and It's a neck on neck for Verstappen and Leclerc! It's Verstappen! No! It's Leclerc! It's the final turn before the chequered flag. Leclerc is gaining on Verstappen, here comes the final turn. Verstappen breaks last! But Leclerc is not far behind. “

“AND THE FERRARI AND REDBULL TOUCH! WHEELS HAVE MADE CONTACT. BOTH CARS ARE LOSING CONTROL! AND LECLERC AND VERSTAPPEN GO OUT SPINNING.”

Crashes and collisions are not unusual to the high speed sport of Formula 1, yet it does not diminish the depravity of it all . I couldn't shake the worry and dread that swallowed my every emotion. Nerves spiking as my leg bounces uncontrollably at the sight of the cars colliding and spinning off track. Panic increasingly grew as the garage turned to radio silent…

“AND LECLERC GOES INTO THE BARRIER BUT VERSTAPPEN HAS FOUND TRACTION! AND MAX VERSTAPPEN CROSSES THE CHEQUERED FLAG! HE HAS WON! THAT'S ANOTHER WIN FOR MAX AND REDBULL.”

As the crowd cheered, the garage of red and blue was filled with ecstatic mechanics patting each other on the back and engineers chattering over each other as they celebrated another race win.

Even as the air filled with cheers and excitement, I could only think about the wellbeing of Max. Was he alright , Is he hurt? Only these thoughts filled my mind. I silently chewed on my lip as my leg continued to bounce and my fingers tapped on my other knee – with my head down and eyes shut close, as I tried to assure myself that Max was not going anywhere.

Startled, at someone’s hand on my shoulder – I opened my eyes. A piece of metal equipment, painted a deep blue color was in my line of sight, a headset. Abruptly lifting my head, I was faced with one of Max’s race engineers . He supported a comforting smile as he placed the headset into my hands.

“Christian said you could talk to him, you tell him he won, yeah?”

Quickly understanding the situation, I was on my feet. With a quick smile and thank you, I placed the headset on – it was slightly heavy and a shiver ran up my spine as I felt its shocking coldness on my face. Not wasting any more time, I pressed the radio button that allowed me to communicate with Max.

*radio beep*

*MAX! Are you alright!? Are you hurt in any way?*

*Y/N? Wha-?*

*It's me. Love, are you alright? Please tell me you’re okay*

A bit confused, yet more so delighted to talk to his partner on his car radio , Max replied – without a worry that everyone tuned in all over the globe would be able to hear. Because, He was proud to call y/n, his and If he were to choose, he will always have his Liebling’ voice to listen to in every race in his entire life.

*I'm alright. Liebling. I’m not hurt, just a bit dizzy. And no, I do not need medical attention. Thank you for worrying though. *

A smile can be heard through the driver’s radio as he talked. Shocking fans and presenters from the softness and warmth of the Dutch Drivers voice as he spoke to his girlfriend.

* That was quite a spin Max, you scared me! you almost crashed into the wall! You idiot … but congratulations that’s P1! P1! You won! Love, that's another podium!*

* Nice, Nice! Simply lovely! And I simply love you my Schatz!!*

*That’s so going on live tv …You’re so lame! I love you too, see you on the podium! Your engineer needs the headset back, ciao dear.*

*Your love hurts, dear HAHAHA. Yeah, let me talk to GP. *

*radio end*

The feeling of worry and dread leaving my system at Max’s assurance. I thanked the engineer again and I returned the headset back , with a grin on my face – now giddy for Max and the team’s success. Skipping out of the Red Bull garage making way to congratulate Max at the barricade with the rest of the crew.

When suddenly a red gloved hand held my arm – stopping me in my tracks.

It’s Carlos! I smiled as I greeted him.

“Hey Chili! Congrats on the race~ what’s up?”

“Hola, Nina , thank you… ” the smile on my face slowly dimmed and replaced concern . Carlos was not looking at me straight, his demeanour was not at all normal – he was fidgety and restless.

“Carlos? Is everything alright? You could tell me” I asked, trying to catch his line of sight.

“I, uh… Y/n its about Charles ..he’s has gone mad” my concern suddenly morphed into confusion.

“What do you mean by that C?” I tried probing. His eyes darted left and right , surveying for any filming cameras.

“When the FIA differed Ferrari’s appeal towards Red bull and McLaren , Charles lost it and started trashing the motorhome. And during the race , he ignored all team orders… especially during the last lap. He was told not to push and attack Max. ”

I was suddenly speechless. All the color on my face drained and my palms started to clam up. Brows furrowing as I stared at Carlos , nothing coming out my mouth.

“Pierre and I are planning an intervention before this goes way out of hand and before people get killed on that track. I know that we are asking so much , but we need you with us Y/N” My eyes shot wide as his request registered to me. My throat is growing dryer by the second.

“Carlos , I don’t kno– I’m not su-. I'm sorry, I can't give an answer now. Please let me think about it, ” I pleaded.

“Yes! Y/n ,of course. Just think about it . ” Carlos quickly replied.

“Thank you , C” I smiled as quickly side hugged him and scurried away , desperately trying to find Max or any familiar face from Red Bull.

As I neared the barracks, I schooled my expression — trying to forget what I just heard from the Spanish driver. This was not the time to make things about myself, it was time to celebrate the success of Max and the team.

y/n_stills.

Liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, olliebearman, and 1,761,941

tagged maxverstappen1

y/n_stills. Another P1! A monster on the streets and the sheets

maxverstappen1 what can I say 🤷‍♂️and thank you , Liebling.

y/n_stills. 🤭🤭🤭

landonorris what is this caption y/n ?????

y/n_stills. what it’s true 😇

landonorris you two are disgusting

y/n_stills. I wouldn't be too quick to say that Norris , I have dirt on you hehehehe

oscarpiastri Whoa keep it pg , mom. There are kids here!

y/n_stills. close your eyes , Osc!🫣

redbullracing hmmm…

y/n_stills. Oh hi there , employers! Lovely seeing you here 😀

redbullracing we saw nothing…

[yeonslayjun]

Dumb and Dumber - Hualian

Hua Cheng and Xie Lian are so OBVIOUS and OBLIVIOUS at the same time Honestly They amaze me ngl

Cuz Hua Cheng be Like - Wdym Gege Loves me?? That's impossible like I don't think he loves me solely for the fact that I'm one of his last believer left and that I built a FUCKING CITY for him and how I ran helped him in a case and dressed up as a Groom and gege was a bride (Oh his dead heart definitely started beating then pls ) and how I Built a temple to worship him and how I released 3000 lanterns for him and that I've made 10,000 statues for gege and not how I have red thread of fate on my finger bc he tied his hair on my finger

ALSO wdym I had my gay awakening at the land of tender??? Impossible He's my god I can't have those feelings for him bc I'm a dirty piece of shit (NO YOU ARE NOT)

and DEFINITELY NOT HOW I GAVE HIM Spirtual Power... DEFINITELY NOT HAHAHA.... Now let me just ask his hand for marriage OH nvm I'm unworthy he doesn't like me ( WHILE XIE LIAN IS SITTING ON HIS LAP ) let's make it into a joke hahaha..... OH? Gege's says he's happy for my beloved when will he know it's him talking about?? :( ( let's ignore he didn't know half of these lmao)

OH MY GOD GEGE SAW THE STATUES That's it I'm getting disowned by him He'll hate me ofc he will... I knew this would happen no I'm okay, IT'S FINE... Yeah he really should make it clear that he doesn't love me huh? :((

Like Hua Cheng is SO DOWN BAD for Xie Lian Like Honey we get it You exist to LOVE your Taizi Danxia and to serve Cvnt and angst

AND

My guy Xie Lian here is SO VERY OBLIVIOUS like I get that he was practicing abstinence but bro's like -

Oh Hua Cheng is such a pretty name *giggles* Oh and his hands were so beautiful and he was gentle with me too when he dressed as the Groom *blushes* Oh Crimson Rain Sought Flower is his name? *swoons* HOLY SHIT HE'S HOT *nosebleeds*

I like this kid san lang. OoO Did he just suck the poison out of me?!?! DAYUM he killed so many people at once *swoons x2*... WAIT IS HE HUA CHENG??!?! Oh my gosh IT IS Hua Cheng ajhsjdhsudhu Let's act calm and composed hehe. Let's sleep together cuz He would never hurt me >:( I wonder what happened to the kid who said he'd worship only me :( He was a good kid yk? Had one eye covered too kinda like you actually haha Funny Right???

He's so perfect as a "sworn brother" ( Yes I'm looking at you SQX) protecting me and shit. Wait he trusts me??? ME?!?! huh?!?!. San Lang~~~. AHHH HE RELEASED 3000 LANTERNS FOR ME AHHHH I LOVE HIM as a friend ofc ofc.

Oh I LOVE getting Spiritual Energy from him <3 that wasn't a kiss nope it wasn't.... ERROR 101 San Lang asked my hand in marriage ERROR.... o h He was Joking :( ofc he was :((( I wish he wasn't tho :((((( SAN LANG HAS A BELOVED?!?!? Ofc he has He's such a handsome and kind man he probably gets all the bitches he wants But why do I feel smth weird in my heart?? (IT'S CALLED JEALOUSY YOU DUMB MOTHOFO )

Honestly God (Jun Wu LMAO) Knows how he survived the past 800 years like BRO WHY IS YOU SO STUPID when it comes to love?!?!? Like ISTG He's one of the smartest of all the jokes called "GODS". But he still doesn't get it till he saw the 10,000 statues Hua Cheng prepared like pls

ALSO Hua Cheng the ghost king who defeated 33 gods and how his smartass self esp rubbed the floor with them Civil Heavenly Officials But the one moment he needs it to realise the VERY OBVIOUS FACT that Xie Lian loves him The Genius Smartass is nowhere to be seen

But tbh I can't blame Hua Cheng much here cuz Xie Lian was very oblivious to his own feelings pls BUT STILL

Their Slow-burn was too much for me Like the chemistry was SO OBVIOUS but they're just Dumb kids when it comes to feelings *sighs* The Hualian Brainrot is rotting my brain away as we peak

[brigoesrahhh]

Can I request the Spot and the reader cuddling for the first time post-spot accident? 👉👈

yes!! i love this sm

i didn't intend for this to be this long, but i got carried away and added some angst to the beginning --- i hope that's okay! (read tw)

i hope you enjoy ♡

“So… where can I put my hands?”

1.1k+ words

Summary: After Jonathan doesn't contact you for days, you begin to panic... Just when he comes back, looking completely different. Angst turned fluff.

TW: brief mention of death and losing someone. if you want to skip the angst, i marked out a spot in the fic colored like this where its just the fluff!

You just woke up from another tough sleep, the unusually cold blankets providing little comfort to your morning.

Jonathan hadn’t come back to your place to sleep last night. It wasn’t rare for this to occur — he was a busy man with a job that you mostly didn’t understand, but you were supportive regardless. It sucked when he didn’t, but you trusted him.

It had been three days since he had come home. Or messaged, or called. Dread filled your gut when he didn’t answer your calls, the endless possibilities of what could’ve happened to him spiraling in your mind. It was torture.

All you knew about his job was that he was some sort of scientist. Sometimes, when he was tired, he would complain about things he called “multiverses” and testing different experiments. Long story short, you had spent the past few days tirelessly searching for any little crumb of information about them. You learned that a multiverse is 'a collection of infinitely many alternate realities and dimensions'.

Obviously, this information did not calm your panic. Where was Jonathan?

… Was he even alive?

During your daily morning spiral, a knock on the door of your apartment cuts off your thoughts.

Your tired eyes shoot open, and you walk over to the mirror to check if you looked mildly presentable, and not like you woke up 5 minutes ago. After fixing your hair and slipping on a t-shirt lying around (which happened to be Jonathan’s), you open the door.

Expecting one of the other residents that lived in the building, your body froze when you saw…

What were you looking at?

A white figure of — a man? — stood in front of you, endless-looking holes covering its body, standing over you.

You slammed the door in its face, locking your door, and running into the kitchen, grabbing a knife. You began to hyperventilate, your brain not being able to process what you just saw.

“No- please open the door, Y/N.” The voice spoke through the door, audibly shaky.

You froze again when it said your name, and you hoped this was all just a nightmare.

... That was until you heard your name again, and a rattle of keys opening the door. You panicked and ran as far away from the door as you could, holding the knife close to you and never breaking eye contact with the creature. Weirdly enough, you thought the voice sounded familiar.

“Y/N, it's Jonathan…” It said, now almost sounding on the verge of tears, despite its clear lack of eyes, let alone a face.

“No- No, you are not- You are not real, this is not real, nope.” Hearing the name Jonathan said out loud in a voice that sounded so much like him shoke your body, your hand almost slipping and dropping the knife.

“Please… it’s me. I can explain everything, answer all your questions-”

“Prove it. Prove that you’re Jonathan.” You begged, your hands not letting up on the knife just yet. There was just no way.

“I uh- you’re wearing my shirt, the one you gifted to me on our 3 month anniversary. You hate it when I don’t come back every night, and you always leave out a little cookie for me-”

As he continued on, you dropped the knife to the floor with a clatter, and you almost ran up to engulf him in a hug, when you remembered what he had become.

“Wh… What happened to you?” You said, shock and concern filling your voice.

Skip here for just fluff! ♡

After he explained everything, you sat in a daze, walking closer to him.

"So… where can I put my hands?” You asked, carefully touching the white areas of his skin. He felt different — what used to be his soft and fuzzy arms were now smooth and flush with the rest of his body.

He looked at you briefly, and smiled, though he was a little embarrassed by his new body. He pointed at the portal’s edges while explaining.

“I’ve found it’s better not to put your hands into the portals, as it's kinda confusing. I don’t really understand it yet. The edges are fine usually, just be careful.”

“Wait a minute–” You pause.

“So you just walked back here, with no clothes on, and holes everywhere?” You say bluntly, which cracks a laugh out of him.

"Well, what was I supposed to do? Nobody wanted to sell me anything!” He laughed, but you could tell he was genuinely hurting from the whole situation. He had always been anxious, avoiding being the center of attention at all costs — and now he was practically a light in a dark room.

His response made you smile, and you walked over to your closet, grabbing one of your oversized shirts and passing it to him.

“Oo, yeah, that would actually help so you don’t accidentally slip into one of the portals.” He says, catching the shirt and slipping it on.

“You look strangely cute in that,” you blurt out accidentally, before walking over to your ‘shared’ bedroom. You sit in your bed and face the door, watching him come in with pink now flushed over his typically white skin. It made it much more obvious that he was blushing, and you giggled at his appearance.

“Come here, silly.” You lay down, pulling a blanket over your body, and tapping the spot next to you so he would lay down. A little embarrassed, he complied, sitting next to you and tucking himself under the blanket. He still lay a safe distance away from you, seemingly more nervous about this than you were.

You, on the other hand, shifted closer to him and wrapped a hand around his waist, pulling him closer to you, but still far enough away to look at his ‘face’.

You could tell he was nervous. You didn’t need to see his facial expressions for that.

Experimentally, you moved your hand to his jaw, rubbing the pad of your thumb over his chin in an attempt to calm him. When you did this, the portal on his face shrank, as if he were closing his eyes.

You smiled at this, moving your hand around his face more, exploring the new surface. Happy that he was now a little calmer, you planted a soft kiss on his skin, turning him bright pink again.

“You get flustered so easily, dear.” You giggled, teasing him.

You could feel him squirm slightly, but your hand around his waist prevented him from moving much.

“S-Shut up,” he mumbled, covering his now hot cheeks with his hand. You were quick to grab his hand, leaving a kiss on his knuckles before moving it away from his face.

All of your actions seemed to overwhelm him with joy, and he cuddled up closer to you with a satisfied hum.

"I love you," he said as he wrapped his legs and arms over your body, making sure that you wouldn't enter any of his portals.

You had missed this so much. Although things had changed, your bond had grown stronger.

“I love you too, weirdo.”

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Something There (Chapter 8)

6.7k words

Roy Kent x Reader

Warnings: Language, mentions of sex, angst, mentions of slut-shaming and double standards, horrible reporters being horrible, pining, finally some fluff!!!

A/N: This is probably my favorite chapter so far, and has some of my favorite scenes I've ever written!! My heart is HAPPY!!

Series Masterlist

I understood; I understood completely.

Ted Lasso was warm, and kind, and fun. He looked at a person like they mattered and listened with genuine interest. He made you feel like he’d have your back and believed in you.

Ted Lasso was exactly what I needed.

After chatting over drinks about our backgrounds and careers, delving into our shared deep love for sports and coaching, he finally broached the subject that had been plaguing me nonstop for what felt like an eternity.

“So. How’re you doing? With all this… hullabaloo?”

He was too kind and polite to even name the hell I was living in.

A grimace crossed my face as I lifted my beer to my lips, trying to delay answering the question for as long as possible while those patient eyes gazed at me. Finally, I had no choice but to fill the silence. “I am… okay,” I finally mumbled. “Trying to just focus on the team, you know?”

Ted nodded, watching me carefully. “I completely understand,” he hummed. “Well, I mean, not completely of course. It’s mighty unfair the way they talk about you. But…” He shrugged, giving a small pop with his mouth. “I mean, they weren’t exactly nice to me when I got here. The press, the team, hell, even Becca.” His face softened at those last couple of words. “But, eyes on the prize, as they say.” He patted my hand gently, a paternal touch I didn’t realize I needed. “Now, like I said, I don’t totally understand what you’re going through. But if you need someone who has some small idea, well, I’m here.”

“Thank you, Ted,” I murmured. “I really appreciate it.”

He shrugged, turning his attention to glance around the pub. “Anytime, Clementine.”

After a moment, I opened my mouth again. “I’ve just waited my whole life for this. To be a role model, more than a pretty face that runs fast. Sometimes that’s all I felt like back when I played. And being a coach, well everything depends on my brain, you know?” Ted’s understanding nod urged me on. “And I was finally doing it. I was winning, and because England actually gives some semblance of a crap about soccer, people started to know who I was. And then…” A big breath left my lungs. “And then this… thing happens, and it’s like nothing else matters. Olympic medals, World Cups, national titles, win streaks. Nope. Everyone thinks I’m just another Roy Kent girl.”

“You’re not just another Roy Kent girl,” Ted assured me. “It might feel like it, whatever that means, but you’re not. You’re Coach Buck, for Pete’s sake.” His smile warmed all the cold parts of my heart that had developed since Keeley first showed me the photos. “And it might feel like everyone thinks so, but I can tell you for a fact it’s not true.” He pulled out his phone and showed me the freckle-faced kid who took up his lock screen. “My boy has not stopped asking about you since I got here. Kid thinks you’re the absolute bee’s knees, Coach. He doesn’t care about these stupid headlines or what you do off the field. Heck, he even told me I should ask you for some coaching pointers.”

Beer nearly shot out of my nose as I let out a thankful laugh. “Ted Lasso, you have no idea how badly I needed to hear that.”

“Sure, I do.” He bumped his shoulder into mine. “Sometimes, ya just need a reminder about why we do what we do. To inspire other people to be their best selves.” He nodded towards his phone before pocketing it. “And you sure as heck inspire this kid. And I’m willing to bet he ain’t the only one.”

I stared at him for a moment. “You know… If you want, we could Facetime him while you’re here. If you think he’d like that, I mean.”

Lasso’s smile lit up the whole pub. “He’d love that, Coach.”

~

“Hey, Coach. Ready for that chat?”

A growl escaped Roy’s throat as Ted entered the empty office. “No,” he huffed, turning his attention back to the playbook on his desk.

Ignoring Roy’s scowl, not for the first time since they’d met, Ted plopped himself down on Beard’s desk, eyebrows raised. “I know what you need,” he announced, leaning over to grab the phone off Roy’s desk. “Better get some bones and treats, because I’m calling the Diamond Dogs.”

Before Roy could protest, Ted had called Higgins and texted Nate and Beard; almost instantly the office was filled with the sounds of howling and barking that Roy was sure anyone who was still in the building could hear. The men assembled, closing doors and perching themselves in chairs and against walls, eyes expectantly trained on Roy, as if they already knew the reason for this meeting.

When Roy glared at Ted, the American knew he’d have to get the ball rolling.

“Diamond Dogs,” he announced, “as y’all know, our favorite junkyard dog here has been goin’ through somethin’. I bet he could use some friendly ears to bark at.” He nodded to Roy. “Coach?”

There was no getting out of this. Roy knew that. So, he might as well get it over with.

“Yeah.” He turned his chair and plopped his feet on his desk, trying to keep up his uncaring demeanor. “You all fucking know. Fucking photos, fucking paparazzi and reporters, blah blah blah.” He nodded to Ted, whose face was stupidly supportive. “There. Done.”

Nate cleared his throat. “What about you and Coach Buck?”

It was probably the harshest scowl Roy had given in a long time. “What about me and Coach Buck?” His chest felt tight just saying her name out loud.

“Well…” Nate’s eyes were on the ceiling. “I mean, the two of you were getting kind of close, weren’t you? Before all this happened?” He seemed to shrink slightly under Roy’s glare. “Weren’t you?”

“We’re not close,” Roy spat. “So, dunno what there is to talk about.”

Beard sighed and narrowed his eyes at Roy. “How about we talk about how unhappy you’ve been ever since this all went down? How about we talk about the fact that you slept with her- don’t make that face at me, neither of you have denied it- and now you both look like the most miserable people in the world? Let’s talk about that.”

Before Roy could argue, Higgins cleared his throat. “Roy, have you tried, I don’t know, talking to the poor girl?”

Was there a way to renounce his membership from the fucking Diamond Dogs? “As a matter of fact, we have talked. And she wants nothing to do with me. So, again, what’s the point in any of this?”

Ted cleared his throat. “If I may, Coach, it sure didn’t look like she wanted nothing to do with ya when I saw y’all in the parking lot.” His face was soft. “She seemed pretty grateful for your help, actually. Did everything but call you her knight in shining armor when she told me about that paparazzo.”

Roy rolled his eyes, hating the blush on his face for betraying him. “Yeah, well, that’s about all I’m good for probably.” He stared at his shoes for a moment, scrunching his nose. “Just hate seeing her so fucking miserable,” he heard himself admit quietly. “It’s not really fair, this shit. All that ‘takes two to tango’ shit, but no one’s saying a word about me. It’s stupid as hell.” Dammit, he was ranting now. “And I just want to fucking fix everything but I can’t.”

“You could be her friend,” Ted said quietly. “It sounds like she could really use more of those right now.” He cleared his throat. “You know, I told her all about how Henry just really admires her- heck, I think there might be a little crush there too- and let me tell you, she looked so relieved to hear that. We actually FaceTimed him earlier today before he went to school, and man she was almost as jazzed as he was.” Ted shrugged.

Higgins nodded. “I think she just needs to feel supported and respected right now.” He cocked his head at Roy. “Just give her that, Roy. The rest will follow.”

“The fuck do you mean ‘the rest’-?”

The sound of a door opening had the men jumping. Through the window, Roy could see Buck stroll into her office, sipping her water bottle and looking at something on her phone. She froze, as if she could feel the eyes of the Diamond Dogs on her. She blinked several times when she looked up and saw the Greyhounds office filled with men staring. With her eyes on Roy, she gave a small, awkward wave before sitting at her desk and turning to her computer.

Ted smiled at Roy. “Diamond Dogs, dismissed.”

With soft barks and yaps, the men dispersed, ready to call it a day and go home. Roy sat at his desk, staring through that window, watching her type away. He thought about what they’d said; for some reason, he felt struck by Ted’s mention of Henry. Not quite sure what he was doing, Roy stood and approached the door that separated their offices. He opened it softly, raising his eyebrows when she turned around to look at him.

“Knock, knock,” he mumbled stupidly.

Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, but Roy would take what he could get. “Hey, Coach.” She wrinkled her nose. “What the fuck was all that barking?”

“Barking? What barking?” Roy entered the office and perched on Lucas’s desk, feigning ignorance as he stared at the too-pretty manager.

“Fine, don’t tell me,” she chuckled with an eyeroll. “Need something? I’m just trying to finish a couple emails before I head out.”

Roy studied her face for a moment. His gaze briefly flickered to her Brandi Chastain poster before returning to those eyes that made his insides squirm. “Would you want to come meet Phoebe’s football team?”

She blinked a few times. “Phoebe’s team?” she echoed.

He nodded, feeling good about himself for once. “Yeah. She asked me a while ago about inviting you, hasn’t shut up about you since the charity game actually.” He shrugged. “I think it’d be… fun.”

The hesitation in her eyes was heartbreaking. “Oh, I don’t know, Roy…” She bit her lip. “What if the parents don’t like me being there?”

Fuck, her voice was tiny. “If they don’t like the idea of a fucking Olympic champion watching their daughter’s football practice, they can deal with me,” he huffed. “What d’you say? Want to make me the coolest uncle in the world?”

“Well, in that case.” A genuine little smile graced her face. “Alright. Fine. I’m there.”

~

Leaving the Dog Track to go meet Roy and the girls’ team, I felt that familiar mixture of excitement and anxiety, the kind I got before games, or before an important meeting. It was a good feeling; I hadn’t had it in a while. My phone vibrating interrupted my reflecting on why this practice had me so wound-up.

“Hello?”

“Hey there.” I could hear Geroge’s smile through the phone. “I know it’s last minute, but I wanted to see if you’d want to grab dinner tonight?”

I cleared my throat as I started my walk towards the address Roy had given me. “Oh, sorry, not tonight, George. I’ve got plans.”

The disappointment in his voice was kind of sweet. “No problem. Anything exciting?”

Why did I feel weird telling him?

“Kent invited me to come meet his niece’s team,” I explained slowly. “So I’m heading on over to the school to go see their practice, say hello to the girls. Should be fun.” I tried to keep my voice light and casual, as if this was a totally normal thing to do.

Goerge was silent for a moment. “Oh. That’s lovely of you.” He cleared his throat. “Don’t you think it’s a little risky though? Being out like that? Someone might see the two of you, take some pictures…”

I passed a Whippets advertisement, one that had yet to be graffitied. “I mean, it’s a kids’ soccer practice. I doubt the press’ll be there,” I pointed out with a huffy chuckle. “And honestly, I don’t really care if anyone sees. What can they say about me visiting a girls’ team that they didn’t already say about me going into Roy Kent’s house?”

Another silence came, the same one that usually followed references to the fact that I’d slept with Roy; I hadn’t directly told George that I had, he hadn’t directly asked, but it wasn’t difficult to figure out. It was clearly not something George liked thinking about, and it was something I did my best to avoid bringing up. But for some reason, it slipped out now.

“Well,” he finally murmured. “I think you’ll have a good time. Should be a fun little evening with the kids… and Kent.” He paused. “Call me later?”

“Sure,” I hummed, hating the sinking feeling that I’d done something wrong. “Talk to you later.” I shoved my phone into my pocket and continued my walk, trying to ignore whatever that phone call was and focus instead on the evening ahead of me.

When I finally arrived at the school field, I realized my heart was hammering. It was kind of ridiculous; I’d done school visits and things like that. I’d spoken in front of crowds of students and young athletes. But for some reason, visiting one little girls’ soccer team had me feeling the way I did before stepping onto the field for the World Cup: anxious, unable to breathe.

But a high-pitched squeal immediately brought a smile to my face.

“Coach Buck!”

With a small wave, I approached the group of girls that were passing and warming up; immediately, I was tackled by a familiar blonde.

“Hey, Pheobe,” I chuckled, hugging her back. “How’ve you been?”

She beamed up at me. “Good! I’m so glad you came. I’ve been asking and asking Uncle Roy to invite you. And-”

“And she’s fucking here, ain’t she?” Roy wrapped an arm around Phoebe and shoved her aside. “Go warm up, you.” As Phoebe scampered away, he nodded to me. “Coach.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at him. “Coach.”

He cleared his throat, suddenly the picture of nervousness. “Right. So, I was thinking, I’d introduce you to the team, you could say a few words if you want, and maybe you could help run training? Unless you’d rather just watch. Either way’s fine with me.”

“I’d love to help.”

His face turned relieved. “Great.” He turned towards the group of girls, who were more interested in us than in their warmup. “Oi! Huddle up!” As soon as the girls were gathered around, Roy nodded curtly at me. “This here’s Coach Buck. She manages the Richmond Whippets. And, in case Phoebe here hasn’t already told you, she’s a World Cup champion and has an Olympic gold medal.” The excited buzzing from the girls had me fighting a smile- and it looked like Roy was fighting one too. “She wanted to come say hello to you all and help with practice. Sound good?”

“Yes, Coach!”

Roy raised an eyebrow at me. “Coach?”

With a deep breath, I took a step forward, willing myself to gaze at the little faces staring back with solemn expressions of excitement and awe. “Hello, ladies,” I greeted, putting on my best smile. “Roy- Coach Kent- has told me that you are probably the best team he coaches.” Their little giggles began to put me at ease. “And I am so excited to get to hang out with you today and see what you’ve got!”

The next hour was the best one I’d had since I moved to England- probably one of the best hours of my entire life. The girls were more than talented- they were enthusiastic, fierce, passionate, determined, fearless, everything I remembered being at their age. They played as if there was no such thing as losing or getting hurt. Every mistake was an opportunity to get better, every success was meant to be exceeded. By the end of practice, I knew every girl’s name and felt a tug in my heart when they called me “Coach”.

“Uncle Roy,” Phoebe hummed as he gathered the team at the end of practice. “Can we try to get past you?”

Roy glanced in my direction before shrugging. “You girls really want to play?”

The resounding YES had me wondering what ‘getting past’ Roy meant. As if she could sense my curiosity, Phoebe tugged my hand.

“You’re going to love this, Coach Buck,” she gushed. “It’s our favorite!”

The girls lined up, bouncing with excitement, while Roy grabbed a ball and jogged towards one of the goals made of a couple of cones. With the ease of someone who’d done this dozens of times, he rolled the ball to Kokoruda, who was first in line. She immediately began dribbling towards Roy and made a respectable attempt to score on the experienced player.

“Next!” he barked after kicking the ball out of bounds.

One by one, the girls tried to score on Roy; and each one failed.

“You don’t go easy on them?” I probed as I trotted over to Roy to return another ball to him.

He caught the ball with ease. “Fuck no,” he chuckled. “Their opponents won’t ever go easy on ‘em, will they? Why should I?”

Before I could concede that he had a point, Phoebe called out, “Coach Bucky! You should try!”

With a smirk, Roy tossed the ball back to me. “Yeah, Coach Bucky. You should try.”

Maybe it was being around the girls, maybe it was the cockiness on Roy Kent’s face. Maybe it was something else. “Fine, I’ll try,” I shot back, taking my place at the front of the line. I looked at the girls. “Any of you ever get it past him?” When they all shook their heads, my grin grew. “Well, guess he’s due for a loss then.”

I stood with my foot on top of the ball for a moment, just staring down Roy Kent. He narrowed his eyes playfully, a smile almost breaking through his serious glare. With a deep breath, I began dribbling, wondering when I had last just played like this. Roy jogged out to meet me, expertly trying to get the ball out of my control. We moved this way, that way; I was a bit surprised how well I was doing against him, if I was being honest.

“Not going easy on me, are you Kent?” I huffed, very aware of the way his body pressed against mine as he tried to steal the ball from behind me.

“Not a fucking chance,” he assured me, his breath tickling my neck.

With what I hoped was a casual chuckle, I found my opening, evading Roy and making my way towards the goal, a smaller target than I was used to. As I inched forward, I felt a pair of hands brush my sides, warm and playful.

Phoebe’s giggling voice interrupted the reeling in my head. “Uncle Roy, that’s a foul!”

“Right!” came a gruff voice behind me, laughing as the hands disappeared.

Able to return my focus to the ball at my feet, I sprinted forward, ankle be damned, and broke away from Roy; the ball sailed between the cones with ease, giving me that old, thrilling feeling of scoring a goal. When I turned around, the girls were cheering- and Roy was smiling at me.

“My knee’s fucked,” he huffed jokingly between breaths, hands on his hips as he approached. “That was hardly fair.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him as we started to walk back towards the team. “Oh, and what would you call my ankle?”

His smile widened. “Also fucked.”

Before I could snark back, the girls tackled me with hugs and shouts, clearly impressed that anyone could get past their burly coach. Roy eyed me over their heads, his face soft, reminding me of the night of the gala. All I could do was grin back at him, wondering if he felt the same warmth in his chest that I felt.

Roy dismissed his team, reminding them about their upcoming game, one they begged me to come watch. To my shock, a few parents stopped me to shake my hand and ask if they could get a picture of me with their daughter; that warm feeling in my chest grew with each “My daughter adores you!” or “It’s so cool that you came!” The whole time, Roy and Phoebe collected the equipment, with Phoebe watching me with great interest.

As the last of the girls left, I meandered over to the coach and his niece, stopping when I found myself looking into those brown eyes.

“Thanks, Kent,” I said, wondering if he could hear the thick emotion in my voice. “This… this was exactly what I needed.”

His eyes sparkled. “What, a bunch of little girls worshipping you?”

A snort escaped when I tried to hold back my laughter. “They didn’t worship-”

“Fuck off,” he chuckled, giving me a soft punch in the arm. “They fucking adored you. You’re their queen or some shit. Seriously-” He bobbled his head playfully. “-they’re probably planning a coup to get rid of me so you can be their coach.” He pointed to Pheobe, who was hovering nearby, obviously anxious to interrupt our conversation. “And that little traitor will be leading the fucking cavalry.” He waved her over. “Come say goodnight, Phoebe.”

Phoebe wrapped her arms around me, giving a squeeze. “Thank you for coming,” she gushed before letting go. “You know I have your poster in my room?” Her smile was full of pride. “I told Uncle Roy I wanted one, so he got one for me. It’s right above my dresser, so I can see it when I get ready for football.”

My jaw dropped slightly as my gaze shifted between Phoebe and Roy, who shrugged at me. Before I could think of something to say, he opened his mouth.

“I’ll make you a deal, Pheebs,” he started, eyes fixated on me. “You score in our next match, I’ll take you to see the Whippets, and we can ask very nicely if Coach Buck here will sign your poster.”

A lump formed in my throat when I saw the delight on Phoebe’s face. “Yeah,” I managed to choke out as I blinked back tears. “I could do that.”

~

There was a dull ache in Roy’s knee when he arrived at the Dog Track early the next morning, but it was a hell of a lot better than the sharp pain in his chest that seemed to be slowly disappearing. He figured he’d pop into the treatment room, grab some ice and baby his knee before getting ready for training.

When he walked through the door, he realized he wasn’t the only one that needed some tending to.

There she was, leg propped up on a chair, ice on her ankle as she scrolled on her phone. Her head snapped up at the sound of the door opening, and her face broke into one of those perfect smiles when she saw it was Roy. Without a word, they both started chuckling, almost relieved to see that the other had also overdone it the night before.

“Guess you meant it when you said you weren’t going easy on me,” she mused, watching Roy grab himself an ice pack.

He chuckled and rolled up his trackpants to expose his knee, flinching slightly as the cold touched his bare skin. “You’d fucking kill me if I did,” he pointed out. “It’d be fucking insulting.” After a moment of silence, staring at each other’s injuries, Roy opened his mouth again. “I’ll be at your game tonight,” he murmured, hoping he sounded casual.

Instead of the surprised look he expected, he swore he saw pleasure on her face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He let his eyes linger on her face. “I know the guys’ve been trying to go to as many matches as possible to show their support. Told Sam and Jamie I’d be joining them tonight. Richmond til we die, right?”

“Richmond til we die,” she repeated, her soft smile nearly stopping Roy’s heart.

Their quiet moment was interrupted by the door opening again. Rebecca stood with her hand on the doorknob, eyebrows raised at the sight of her two managers grinning at each other and icing their injuries.

“Good morning, coaches,” she greeted in a light voice, eyebrows raising slightly higher when she locked eyes with Roy before turning to the Whippets manager. “Just wanted to check in, I know you’ve got a long day. Match is at six, I believe some of the Greyhounds will be there again-”

Roy couldn’t resist piping up. “We will be.”

Rebecca didn’t bother hiding her smile as she went on. “After the match, Keeley will take Lucas to the press room, and you and I can-”

This time, the other manager interrupted her. “No.”

“No?” Rebecca blinked.

“Fuck it,” she sighed, sitting up and tossing her ice pack aside. “This is my team, right? I’m doing the press conference. Luke has covered for me long enough.”

Rebecca tilted her head sympathetically. “Are you sure?”

For a moment, those eyes turned to Roy, silently asking for his thoughts, as though his opinion mattered to her. When he gave her the tiniest, almost unnoticeable nod, she looked back at Rebecca, head held high. “Hell yeah.”

Roy had chosen the right match to come to, he realized. A 4-0 win to move into first place had him grinning with the Greyhounds as they cheered on the Whippets before they disappeared back into the tunnel. For a moment, he locked eyes with Buck, who tapped her fingers to her temple, giving Roy’s signature little salute. He saluted back, ignoring the grin on Jamie’s face. Maybe, just maybe, the two managers could grab a drink together to celebrate her win. Roy’s treat, of course. She’d more than earned it.

But first, she had a press conference to give. The Whippets and Greyhounds, intent on celebrating together, assembled in the weight room and gathered around the televisions on the wall. Roy stood right in front, Jamie by his side, eyes glued to the screen as she took her seat, red lips curled into a perfect smile.

Initially, the questions were typical post-match queries: how did she feel about the performance, what did she have to say about this error, how thrilling was that goal. And she handled them all with ease, reminding Roy of that first press conference he’d watched, where he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. But now, instead of a scowl, he almost wore a smile watching her, and he finally understood why his heart was hammering so hard. Yeah, this was good. She was good.

Until the questions weren’t good.

“Roy Kent was in the stands today,” one reporter called out. “Any thoughts on that?”

Her smile faltered as her eyes shifted away from the crowd in front of her. “Oh. Yes, the Greyhounds have been great in showing their support for the Whippets.” Her smile returned, though not as confident as before. “We’re overdue to cheer them on, so keep an eye out for us at their next match!”

Another question came at her. “What is your relationship with Roy now?”

She cleared her throat. “All the coaches here at Richmond have a great respect and fondness for one another. We’re lucky to have two great staffs that work together so well. It’s how we get wins like the one we had today, on both the men’s and women’s sides.”

Roy felt his face burn, along with several pairs of eyes staring at him. He didn’t care that she avoided the question; it was the same non-answer Keeley had given him to spout out whenever he got asked the same thing. It was the way the question came out, accusatory and aggressive, that had him frowning.

“Does your dominant personality play a role in your relationship with Roy Kent?”

There was no denying the way she scrunched her nose, fully understanding the implication. “Again, all of us coaches hold each other in high regard and have great professional relationships. Now, if you want to talk dominance, out there on the field today, Kira-”

“Speaking of Kira Malone,” a gruff voice interrupted. “She was recently seen at a pub with Jamie Tartt. Do you think your affair with Roy Kent has made the Whippets think it’s okay to run around with the Greyhounds? Is that professional?”

She began sputtering for the first time. “I would hardly call it an affair- But honestly, they’re adults, they’re professionals, I honestly-”

“And you were spotted with Ted Lasso recently,” another voice called out. “Can we assume you’ve moved on from Roy Kent?”

Her eyes widened, but she tried to recover her cool. “Coach Lasso’s a great coach. I-”

A harsh laugh rang out of the speakers. “Yeah, what does Kent think of your relationship with his ex-manager?”

Roy took a step towards the door; he knew that running into that press room would make things worse, would be a headline every paper would be running in the morning, but he didn’t give a fuck. His whole body was burning with fury as he listened to them challenge and fucking laugh at her.

A hand clasped his shoulder; Jamie was shaking his head, eyes full of sympathy, as if he too wanted to rush in and rescue her. But they both knew that she needed to do this on her own.

“Oi, is Roy why you always wear that red lipstick? Should we expect to see it on his collar sometime?”

She looked small, so impossibly small, not at all like the woman Roy had been fighting with and falling for all these months. Her defiance disappeared under their demeaning questions, her fierceness was stolen by their laughter, her cockiness was stifled by their mockery.

“What kind of example do you think you’re setting for the girls of Richmond? Sleeping with Roy Kent and all?”

That seemed to be the question that knocked the fight out of her.

“Oh, fuck this,” Roy growled, tugging out his phone. He quickly typed six little words, the first text message he’d ever sent her.

Don’t you fucking dare play nice.

Her eyes flickered to her phone, eyebrows raising; Roy knew she’d gotten his message. She closed her eyes for a moment, letting them continue to shout and shame her. Finally, she sat up tall, jaw set, and stared down the crowd in front of her.

“You know what?” she asked, her voice low and gravely. “Fuck these questions you keep asking me.” Roy was sure he heard Keeley squeak on the television. “You’re not asking Roy Kent these questions. You’re not asking if he’s a good role model. You’re not questioning his ability to manage his team.” She shook her head. “What message am I sending to young girls? Really? How about what message are you sending?”

Roy was sure it was Kira Malone’s voice behind him calling out, “Fuck yeah, Buck!”

She sat up taller now. “I am a fucking Olympian. I am a champion coach. I have won more titles and trophies and medals than this entire building combined.”

“Tell ‘em, Coach!” Jamie laughed, nodding up at her face onscreen.

Roy’s mind wandered, of all places, to his niece. To the way she adored that loud, abrasive woman, a woman who was standing up for girls like Phoebe. A lump formed in his throat as he listened; fuck, he might actually fucking cry. And he didn’t care if the Greyhounds saw the tears in his eyes. He didn’t even care about the way Jamie was staring at him; he was too enraptured by the scene unfolding on the television.

“I chose to sleep with a nice man one time, and suddenly all my accomplishments don’t matter? Who cares about Olympic gold when you’ve gone to bed with Roy Kent? What defines me is who I go home with? What message is that for the daughters of Richmond? You’re telling your girls that their accomplishments and dreams are nothing compared with what they do in the bedroom. No.” Her eyes were hard and steely as she shook her head. “Fuck this. I’m done. If I wanted to go and sleep with Roy Kent tonight, that’s my own damn business. If I wanted to sleep with any other man, or woman, or whoever, that’s my business.”

Shouts of agreement echoed through the weight room, from both Whippets and Greyhounds. A smile crept across Roy’s lips; fuck, she was incredible. If he wasn’t in love before, he definitely was now.

“What example am I setting for the girls of Richmond?” she asked with a dry laugh. “Not letting jackasses like you question our worth because of a man. That’s the example I’m setting. So if you’re here to ask about my sex life, you can fuck right off. It’s not up for debate, not anymore. It’s not what we’re talking about, now or ever. What I’m here to talk about is the fact that the Whippets are in first place and are expected to finish in the top three in our first damn season. How about you ask me about that?”

~

My heartbeat throbbed in my ears as I stood up, only vaguely registering the female reporters and handful of men who also stood, clapping and calling out words of support. I grabbed my phone and rushed out of the press room, not bothering to look at Keeley and Rebecca; I’d apologize to them later. I’d do whatever Keeley needed me to do to spin this. I’d offer to do whatever public appearances Rebecca demanded.

But first, I needed to get to my office to hyperventilate in peace.

As my feet did their job, carrying me down the halls, I became aware of the sound of… clapping? Cheering?

When I turned the last corner that would take me to the changing room, I finally stopped in my tracks.

Lining the hall were both Richmond teams, a beautiful jumble of smiles and applause and cheers, all watching me with affection. Suddenly, I found myself smothered with hugs and kisses and handshakes. Kira held me close, whispering in my ear about how proud she was to play for me; Jamie Tartt kissed my forehead and called me a bad-ass; over and over, Greyhounds and Whippets embraced me and offered their love and support.

By the time I reached the locker room, tears were freely streaming down my face, releasing all the emotion I’d been holding back in the press room; hell, all the emotion I’d been holding back since Keeley first showed me the photos of me and Roy.

The Greyhounds coaches stood in front of the locker room, pride shining on their faces. Beard and Nate each held me tight, murmuring about how amazed they were. Finally, Roy stood in front of me, his eyes watery as he gazed down at me.

“Welcome back, Coach,” he hummed, sticking out his hand.

I grasped his hand, shaking it firmly, unable to hold back my tearful smile. “Good to be back, Coach,” I murmured. I gave his hand a squeeze before letting go. “And thank you,” I whispered.

He shook his head softly. “Anytime.”

A pair of arms wrapped around me; Lucas was hugging me, tighter than anyone else had. “I’m so proud of you,” he choked out, crying almost as hard as I was. “So fucking proud, kid.”

With one last look at Roy, I let Lucas steer me into our office, listening to him chatter about how much he loved my little speech. I collapsed in my chair and laughed, from disbelief that I had just done that. My phone went off; George.

“Hey!” I exclaimed, wiping my face. “Did ya see me?”

“What the hell, Buck?” he hissed. “You just made things so much harder on yourself. They’re not going to forgive you for this. They’re not going to like you after this. Trust me, I know these people.”

When Lucas saw the way my face fell, he gave my shoulder a squeeze and left, figuring I needed some privacy.

I hunched over my desk and clutched my phone to my face. “To be honest, George, I don’t think I care if they like me. They don’t respect me, so why do I care if they think I’m nice?” I shook my head. “I’m proud of myself, actually. And so is my team. And so are the Greyhounds.” And so is Roy Kent, a little voice in the back of my head whispered.

He paused. “It was good,” he sighed. “You sounded great. Honestly, it was a great ‘girl power’ moment.” There was another moment of quiet on his end before his voice turned thoughtful. “You know, I bet we could do a great article about this. Give your side of things, talk all about the slut-shaming and double standards-”

“Didn’t you listen to what I said?” I scoffed, sensing someone approaching my office. “I’m fucking done talking about this. I’m not answering questions about this, ever again. Everyone knows I had sex with Roy Kent, that’s more than they need to know. I don’t owe anyone anything else.”

“Right.” He cleared his throat. “Why don’t we grab a late dinner? Could, I dunno, celebrate your win or something.”

For the first time since we met, I had no interest in seeing George Willows. “Not tonight,” I muttered. “I just… want to go home. Sleep. Avoid Twitter.” I finally turned, realizing it was, of all people, Roy hovering in my doorway. “Listen, I gotta go. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Not waiting for a reply, I hung up, tossing my phone on my desk before turning my chair around, raising my eyebrows teasingly at Roy. “Need something? Or are you going to send me another inspiring text message?”

He stared at me, mouth open like he was about to speak. Finally, he just shook his head and let out a breathy chuckle. “Fuck,” he breathed, stepping further into my office. “You… you were fucking something today, you know that?”

I shook my head and stood up, meeting him in the middle of the room. “Kent-”

“No.” He smirked at me. “Take the fucking compliment.” He shrugged. “I just wanted to tell you I was… really impressed today.” He cleared his throat. “On the field. In the press room. You’re a fucking great manager.” He let out a deep breath, eyes shifting around the office. “Don’t think I’ve told you that, and I’m sorry I haven’t.” He met my gaze, his smirk becoming a smile. “And I am very glad Phoebe has someone like you to look up to. So… that’s it, I guess.”

Roy Kent was looking at me with admiration. Roy Kent, who’d hated me and screamed at me. Roy Kent, who’d slept with me. Roy Kent, who asked me to speak to a girls’ soccer team. Roy Kent.

Roy Kent, who I wrapped my arms around and pulled into a hug. Not giving a shit about anything outside my tiny office, I pressed my body close to his, squeezing him tight. I buried my face in his shoulder, letting my tear-stained face dampen his Greyhounds shirt. His words, the look on his face, they were exactly what I needed.

His hands hovered over my hips, not returning the embrace, and I could hear him clear his throat, the vibration rumbling against my chest. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Immediately regretting my impulsive action, I pulled back, positive my face was bright red. “Shit,” I mumbled, my mind reeling from the roller coaster of emotions I was having tonight. “Sorry, I-”

Suddenly, I was pulled back to Roy’s chest, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I swore he sighed when my arms returned to his neck, and when my head hit his chest, I could hear his heart pounding, just as hard as I knew mine was. We stood there, hugging, wrapped up in whatever little world we were in, away from the press and the rumors and the judgement.

Just me and Roy.

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[btsgotjams27]

the nanny diaries ~ myg

ara's dad tries to come back into the picture and yoongi isn't having it.

✨ title: the nanny diaries (drabble series) | the way you are ✨ pairing: yoongi x single mom!reader ✨ word count: 1.5k |✨ genre: light angst, fluff / housemates!au |✨ rating: pg ✨ warnings: ara’s dad comes back into the picture for a split second, yoongi has unrequited feelings(?), protective Yoongi, reader is oblivious to Yoongi’s feelings, a small kiss on the cheek, minor language ✨ a/n: i missed nanny/housemate yoongi, so here he is <3 also, i'm sorry if the tenses change from the previous one to this one?? i'm trying something new and i'm seeing what i like better.

[ DRABBLES MASTERLIST ] | prev ~ the i-had-no-choice nanny

Yoongi watches you puff out your cheeks, almost as if you're holding your breath. You swish it from one side to the other, staring at the phone in your hand. He sips his coffee, wondering what you had in such a fuss. Your contemplation hasn't gone unnoticed these days. You’re being fairly quiet, hardly conversing with him, like you're trying to avoid him.

“What’s going on?” he asks, watching you cower before him.

You shake your head. “Nothing.”

He raises an eyebrow, hardly believing you. “Something has your panties all in a twist. A new guy or something?”

The biggest sigh leaves your lips. “Nope, I wish. You remember Jake? Ara’s dad?”

Yoongi pretends to gag. “How could I forget? He’s the biggest lowlife I know, and how do you date someone named Jake and then go and have a baby with him?”

You roll your eyes, annoyed with him. “You said you’d be nice.”

“Did I though?” Yoongi teases. “What does he want now?”

“He wants to be more involved in Ara’s life.”

Yoongi tuts. “You’re kidding me, right? Now he wants to be more involved? I’m more involved than he is.”

“I’m truly grateful for that, but Jake’s her dad, and I can’t deny him wanting to be more involved.”

“Actually, you can. When he chose to leave you and Ara, he gave up that right. What kind of dickhead leaves his girlfriend and kid?”

“Yoongi–”

“What? I’m just saying that you deserve better. You and Ara deserve better than Jake.” He watches you contemplate your next move, your thumbs lightly tapping on your phone, and guilt overtakes his recent comments against the guy that left you. He stands, making his way beside you on the couch. He sighs. “It’s yours and Ara’s life, and I can’t tell you what to do. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

You turn to him, your lips thin into a closed smile, before leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. “You’re really sweet for caring so much about us. Whoever ends up with you will be so lucky.”

Yoongi pulls away from you, clearing his throat. “Why are you getting all gooey and shi–”

Ara’s cry interrupts your conversation. The two of you look at each other in sync, saying, “I’ll go get her.”

“Yoongi, you’ve done so much lately. Let me get her.” He nods and lets you do your thing.

The fact that you’re allowing Jake to come back into your and Ara’s life frustrates him. He watched you date the guy, let him move in, knock you up, and then leave. Sometimes, he just wants you to use your brain and think about Ara and how she’ll have to grow up with a man in and out of her life. She doesn't deserve that; she deserves to have someone love her, sings her to sleep, hold her when she is scared, and play with her–not someone who shows up when they want to. He also thinks you deserve more than just a wishy-washy man who can't commit, but he's just your neighbor turned housemate. He doesn't have anything greater to offer you.

“Jake, you remember Yoongi?” You say, standing between the two in the doorframe.

“Hey–man, what’s up?” Jake holds out his hand for Yoongi to shake, which he does with a reluctant groan.

Ara is ready to escape from your arms when Jake tries to say hi. “There’s my baby girl.” Yoongi rolls his eyes because that’s what he calls her, but he knows it’s not exclusive to him. “Where are you going?” Jake teases when Ara holds her arms out toward Yoongi.

He suppresses his smile and gladly takes Ara from your grasp, and the most obnoxious baby voice comes out of him, “Hello–why yes, we want to stay. Don’t we?” He glances at you and Jake quickly before taking Ara toward the living room. “Let’s get your shoes on, shall we? Baby girl has a big day out with mommy.” Yoongi refuses to acknowledge Jake as her dad.

You look at Jake and see him clenching his jaw when he sees his daughter with another man. “Here–take her diaper bag, and I’ll grab Ara. Go wait outside, and we’ll be there soon.”

Jake grumbles under his breath, begrudgingly taking the bag from your hand, and heads out the door.

You stride over toward Yoongi, kneeling beside him. “I thought you were going to be nice.”

“See, you keep saying that, but I never promised anything.” He makes a face at you as he finishes buckling Ara’s sandals.

“Yoongi–”

“Okay, okay. I’ll be nice.”

The few hours you're gone, Yoongi tries to work on his project but can't concentrate on anything. He plays the same song beat until he can't stand it and pushes his keyboard and mouse to the side out of frustration.

He shouldn't be so angry over you and Ara going out for a few hours. The two of you have done this plenty of times, but this was different–Jake's with you. Does he know what Ara's favorite lovey is and about the backup one in case the first one goes missing? A lot of things could go wrong in a short span of time.

Yoongi paces repeatedly in the living room, looking through the blinds to see if you've returned. Eventually, he gives up and falls asleep, his arms and legs crossed while on the couch, awaiting your arrival.

The digital keypad of the lock wakes him from his rest, wondering how long he's been out. The fumbling of the doorknob causes him to become flustered, pretending to go back to sleep.

"Ow–" you mumble as you enter the apartment, accidentally stubbing your foot on the shoe rack.

Yoongi chuckles quietly, turning toward the back of the couch.

"Where's your room? I can put Ara down," Jake says while holding his arms out for her. You reluctantly hand her over, hoping she doesn't wake up during the transfer. Your little chunky monkey's growing up too fast before your eyes.

Surprisingly, Jake does a good job putting her down without waking her up. You turn on the white noise, putting her favorite blanket on her before leaving the room.

"See, I'm a natural," Jake suggests, patting himself on the back.

Yoongi scoffs quietly. It's been one time, pure luck, he thinks. Imagine having to do it every day without any help.

You walk Jake to the door, and you stand before him. "Not bad for your first time."

Jake eliminates the distance between you, rubbing your arms up and down. "You guys should just come live with me," he suggests, squeezing your arms.

Quickly, you glance over at Yoongi, who's still fast asleep. "Yoongi's been good to us, and I don't think I want any major changes right now."

"Come on, baby. I said I wanted to be more involved in your and Ara's life. Isn't that enough? Don't you still love me? We're so good together."

At this moment, Yoongi wants to jump up and pummel the guy, but hopefully, you can handle him yourself.

"Don't come around with empty promises. Ara and I deserve more than that. You hung out with us once and expect me to let you back into my life? It's gonna take time before I can trust you again."

Yoongi smiles. He knew you could do it. He pretends to stir and groan to make it known that he is about to wake up from sleep.

You look over at Yoongi as he stretches his arms and legs. "You should go, Jake. I'll talk to you later."

"Babe–we're not done talking yet," Jake whines.

"She said, 'You should go, Jake.'" Yoongi pops up and deadpans to Jake.

"You heard the man of the house," you say, raising an eyebrow and crossing your arms.

Jake scoffs, clenching his jaw, annoyed with both of you. "Didn't know you were someone else's bitch already."

Yoongi quickly stands. "You really should go now."

You open the door, waiting for him to leave. He tuts and mumbles and curses under his breath before walking out as you slam it behind him.

Both of you stare at each other, waiting for someone to speak.

Yoongi blinks. "What did I tell you?"

"I don't know. What did you tell me?"

"That he's a no-good lowlife who just wants to get his dick wet."

"You never said that."

"Well, we were both thinking it."

You sigh, walking over to him, sitting on the couch, and Yoongi mirrors you. "Come on, just say what you want to say. Tell me, 'I told you so.'"

He doesn't want to be right. He understands the tough situation you're in. It's not your fault your ex is a jerk. He shakes his head, "I'm not gonna say that."

"Okay, then. Thanks for putting up with him then and humoring me in my hopeless situation."

Yoongi turns to you. "Stop that. You and Ara deserve better than that guy. You guys are perfect the way you are, even if he doesn't realize that."

"Oh my god, is Min Yoongi just a big ball of fluff now?" You tease, playfully pushing him away.

"I'm serious. You're a great mom to Ara, and you should have someone who loves you and wants to take care of you."

Your lips curve into a small smile. "Thanks, Yoongi. I mean it." Your pinky is unbearably close to his hand, just as you notice his index finger stroking your hand.

He looks at you. "Don't mention it."

[makeitmingi]

Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 37]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 3.3K

"Thank you for your time. It was nice meeting you." You stood up and bowed, shaking hands with the creative team. They were the ones that were going to come up with the concept of the comeback with stylists, background sets and the music video.

"So, what did you think?" Eden asked as you slumped into your chair. You turned to look at him.

"This isn't easy... My brain isn't wired like theirs." You sighed, running your fingers over the loops of your mask as the back of your ears were starting to hurt.

"While they can do that, our brains can come up with music." Eden chuckled, leaning his arm on the table to face you.

"But I've learnt a lot, I'm still learning from this process." You said, spinning in your chair.

"It is not something everyone gets to experience. You're used to making the music and submitting it to let them fend for themselves, right?" Eden asked. You nodded your head.

"Very disconnected." You agreed.

"But the team has been very impressed with you. I'm getting really good feedback on your work and how much of a difference things have been since I brought you in. So good job, your hard work is paying off." Eden patted your shoulder. Luckily your mask could hide your shyness at his praise.

"How are you and..." Eden was still very well aware of where the two of you were and the fact that the walls were not soundproof so anyone could listen in.

"It's been good. I think we've reach a level where we're comfortable with each other enough to support one another." You said.

"That's good, that's good. That kind of stability in relationships are enviable." He smiled.

"With idols, most of the time, the schedules and timings are what cause the connection to fray." He sighed.

"Yeah, it's the hard reality. But I would like to put a little more faith in us than that. Both of us being in the industry, I think we have more understanding when it comes to the other person's schedule."

"I'm happy for you. Being on your own underground from such a young age isn't easy. You deserve some happiness." He chuckled.

"Thank you, Eden." You bowed your head. Once Eden had to leave for his next schedule, you left as well. You shuffled to your studio with a yawn. The entire evening was just filled with back to back meetings, you hardly had any time to work on your music.

"There she is."

"Hwa!" You cried out, throwing your bag aside to throw yourself into Seonghwa's arms.

"What are you doing here?" You grinned up at him. You have missed hanging out and being with Seonghwa. He had been busy with practice and vocal lessons for both singing and rapping.

"I came to see how you have been doing."

"Let's go to the studio." You said. Seonghwa nodded, going to pick up the bag that you had thrown aside.

"Did you wait long?" You asked as you unlocked your studio and went in. Seonghwa followed you in, leaving his shoes outside beside yours.

"Nope, I finished my workout session and managed to shower before coming here. I practically just sat down before you came." He said, touching the still slightly damp ends of his hair. You nodded and arranged your equipment on your desk. Seonghwa patiently waited for you.

"I missed you." You hugged him.

"You've lost weight. Have you not been eating?" He frowned, noticing your slightly smaller frame when he hugged you back.

"I have! And speak for yourself, your waist is smaller, if that's even possible." You scoffed. Seonghwa flicked your forehead lightly, causing you to whine. The two of you sat down at the couch.

"Mingi said today was the first time you're meeting the creative team. How was it?" He asked.

"Interesting. I guess they're a part of the creative team for a reason. It was interesting to see them brainstorm on concepts." You said.

"Oh? Are you interested now?"

"Nah, my brain isn't wired that way. I think I'll stick to music." You shook your head, making Seonghwa laugh. He reached out to pat your head with a brotherly smile.

"Hongjoong always threatens to leave Ateez and join the creative team for wardrobe. The company should just get him his own fashion line or something." He rolled his eyes. You giggled, knowing Hongjoong's love for fashion and making his own clothes.

"I heard from Maddox your upcoming cover is going well. Hongjoong is rearranging it now." You said.

"Ah... yeah... I hope to record it soon. But I need to practice my English pronounciation a little more. I've been working with the tutor on it." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"You're always so hardworking, Hwa. I know it'll turn out well, Atiny will definitely love it." You smiled as you encouraged him.

"Thank you." He smiled softly. You laid on his lap, closing your eyes.

"Are you just going to work in the studio for the rest of the evening?" Seonghwa asked, his hand coming up to stroke your head. You let out a hum of confirmation.

"Let's go get dinner then." He suggested.

"I have to work, Hwa..."

"We can order in. I know you need to work but you need food to give you energy before you can work." Seonghwa argued. You sighed, nodding in defeat. You knew you couldn't win against mother Seonghwa. While he ordered the food, you went to sit at your desk to start some editing.

"What's that?"

"N-Nothing." You closed the window. Seonghwa scoffed and snatched your mouse away, opening the window that you were so quick to close.

"Hwa..." You whimpered, watching the frown grow deeper on his face as his eyes scanned the threatening email. The person even added some grotesque images of violence.

"How long has this been going on for?" He practically growled. You've never seen this side of Seonghwa before, it almost scared you.

"I-It's not a big d-deal."

"Bullshit, Indigo! Answer the damn question!" He yelled. Seeing you flinch and cower back in fear, Seonghwa came to his senses, calming himself down.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled... I'm sorry, it's okay." He held your hands, pulling you in to hug you. He soothed you, stroking the back of your head. It hurt him, to see someone he treated like a little sister, suffer like this and he didn't even know.

"Tell me, how long has this been going on for?" He spoke with a more gentle, patient tone this time. You gulped, beginning to tell him when it all happened and that it has been happening.

"Does Mingi know this? Hongjoong?"

"No. Only Jongho knows and it's because he guessed, I didn't intend for any one to know. Please, Hwa. You cannot tell them." You begged.

"Silly girl, you're more afraid of them knowing than you are of the person who is threatening you." Seonghwa let out a sigh, tucking your hair behind your ear.

"Please, promise me. You won't tell them."

"Then what are you going to do? Because if they're following you near your home, that is already a danger." He frowned.

"I'll handle it. I'll go to the authorities or speak to Eden to see if I can work something out. I won't be able to live with myself if I ruin the comeback." Tears welled up in your eyes.

"Ruin the comeback? What are you talking about? Ah... You're really a pabo, you know that. If you promise me you will handle it, I won't tell Mingi or Hongjoong. But you are to tell me if things escalate. You may worry about burdening us but I'm not going to play around with your safety." He said.

"Okay." You nodded. You reached up to wrap your arms around his neck, letting out soft cries. It felt relieving to let your guard down.

"I was so scared..." You cried. Seonghwa felt his heart break when he heard your broken cries. He couldn't even begin to imagine how you must have felt.

"You're not alone. We're here, I'm here." He patted your back. With his sleeve, Seonghwa wiped your tears.

He knew how you felt. Of course, he had his fair share of hate before but he had his members with him. This was probably the first time this was happening to you and you were dealing with it alone.

"Shh..." He continued to soothe you.

Once you calmed down, you and Seonghwa together to eat. He ordered some boiled pork belly and wrap accompaniments. In his own, quiet way, you noticed how Seonghwa continued to comfort you. His thigh touching yours and making wraps for you.

"Ahh." He held the wrap out to you and your cheeks heated up but you still took the bite.

"Your future wife is going to be very lucky to have you to take care of her, Hwa." You giggled, covering your mouth as you chewed. Seonghwa scoffed but you noticed his red ears.

"You're speaking nonsense." Seonghwa shook his head, picking at the meat in front of him.

"So, do you guys know your comebacks schedules yet? Like what you're all going to be doing." You asked.

"Not exactly, in terms of the exact dates. I mean, besides the usual music shows for promotions. We have some radio shows and YouTube interviews here and there. Definitely Idol Radio since Yunho and Hongjoong are the DJs. I heard we might go for some overseas festivals?" He shrugged.

"All I hear is busy, busy, busy." You chuckled.

"They might split us up into smaller groups to tackle the interviews and game show appearances. That's what they usually do to cover more ground." He explained.

"Park Seonghwa!" Hongjoong burst into your studio. You jumped in surprise as he looked around, eyes landing on you too.

"I knew you were both here. You thought you could sneak away from me." He crossed his arms.

"I literally texted you that I'm coming to visit Indigo." Seonghwa frowned. Hongjoong blinked in confusion, taking his phone out to check his text. Indeed, Seonghwa's text was right there but Hongjoong didn't see it.

"So you did..." He scratched his head.

"Dramatic much..." Seonghwa rolled his eyes. Hongjoong scoffed but took a double take when his eyes landed on you, suddenly coming to cup your cheeks.

"Did you cry?! Who made you cry? Why are your eyes so puffy?" He moved your head slightly to inspect you further.

"N-No! I'm just tired so I kept yawning. Stop that!" You slapped his hands away from your face.

"Stop fussing and eat." Seonghwa held out chopsticks to him.

"Your daughter cried and all you can think about is food. You're a bad parent, Seonghwa ah." Hongjoong clicked his tongue in disapproval, making you snicker.

"I told you I didn't cry." You frown and slapped his arm. Hongjoong pouted and retaliated by flicking your shoulder lightly. He broke his chopsticks to begin eating. You were full so you went to the fridge to grab a bottle of cold tea to drink. At the same time, you made a mental note to restock the fridge soon.

"Ah, I'm so full. Thank you for the meal, Hwa." You sat back down. Seonghwa nodded in agreement, spreading his arms on the backrest of the couch.

"This is why I didn't want to eat so much, I'll feel sleepy." You cuddled into Seonghwa's side.

"You always feel sleepy around Seonghwa." Hongjoong scoffed.

"Hwa is just more comforting to be around. Don't be jealous." You kicked his calf. Seonghwa sighed and shook his head at how the two of you would bicker like siblings.

"Did you hear back on your OST progress yet?" Hongjoong asked you, changing the topic.

"Yeah, I'm worried that Jongho might not have the time to record. I told him and the production team that I want him to prioritise the comeback. We'll find someone else if he's occupied, I don't want to pile too much on him." You said.

"Are you going to scout underground?" He chewed.

"Nah, the cast of the drama are mainly idols so they want the full idol imagery. So no underground artists." You sighed.

"Would they ask the cast members to sing it then? Fans always like it when they do that, especially if it's the main couple singing a duet together." Seonghwa voiced.

"I did tell them to try proposing it to the male lead if he wants to do it." You shrugged.

After the food was finished, Hongjoong and Seonghwa left to give you some space and peace to finish your work.

"Bye, Indigo. Don't stay too late, hmm?" Hongjoong patted your head as he hugged you. You hummed and hugged him back. He went out to call their manager.

"You text me when you're leaving the building and when you arrive at home, okay?" Seonghwa said seriously.

"I will, Hwa. Don't worry." You smiled softly, squeezing his hand with reassurance. He sighed but pulled you into a hug, squishing you against his chest. Seonghwa didn't want to let you go, knowing you would be alone, but he also knew you would kill him if Hongjoong even began to suspect something.

"Let's go, Seonghwa. Manager hyung is downstairs." Hongjoong poked his head back in. He nodded and walked towards the door. You waved to the two.

"Hi, hyung." The two oldest greeted the manager and climbed into the van to be driven back to the dorm.

"I actually never thought Indigo would become one of our kids." Hongjoong leaned back into his seat, head turning to the oldest. But Seonghwa was just staring into space, deep in thought.

"Seonghwa?" He called the male.

"Huh? Did you say something?" Seonghwa blinked, shaking his head before looking at Hongjoong.

"Are you okay?" Hongjoong tilted his head. The taller nodded his head and leaned against the window. Hongjoong just assumed that he was tired, they all were.

"Thanks, manager hyung. Goodnight." The two bowed when they were dropped off. They went upstairs to find the house surprisingly quiet. Hongjoong showered in the bathroom outside while Seonghwa used the other one in the boys' room.

"Jongho ah, are you awake?" Seonghwa asked after his shower, using his towel to try and dry his hair.

"Yeah, hyung?" Jongho sat up.

"Can I talk to you about something? Privately." He requested. Jongho nodded and got off his bed, following the oldest out of the bedroom. Seonghwa made sure that no one was outside.

"What's up, hyung? Is something the matter? I don't usually see you so serious." Jongho frowned at the seriousness in Seonghwa's voice.

"It's about Indigo." At that, Jongho gulped.

'Leaving studio now. Going home. - Indigo'

You attached a picture of yourself to the text you sent Seonghwa before slinging your bag over your shoulders and leaving your studio. You made sure to lock it. With your mask up, you left work to make your way back home. It was quiet, with not that many people on the street anymore.

RINGGGGGG

"Hello, Hwa? I sent you the text like you instructed. It's late, you should be sleeping or resting, at least." You chuckled, speaking to him through your AirPods.

"I'm not tired yet. Just wanted to make sure the princess was safe on her way home. The streets are so quiet now, I worry."

"See? This is why I didn't want anyone knowing... Seriously, I'm fine." You sighed.

"Indigo, that's not an excuse. We're family, we worry about each other all the time, it's normal. Whether this thing is happening or not, we still worry about each other day in, day out."

"Family equals worrying, got it." You teased.

"Glad you can still joke."

"I do it to make myself feel less scared and to take over the silence. You being serious makes me feel like I should be scared or something. Which isn't helping me." You rolled your eyes, even though he couldn't see you.

"No, you're right. Sorry, I won't be so paranoid. There's nothing to be scared of. That's why I called, to keep you company and to make sure I know that you got home safely."

"I'm just teasing, Hwa. Thank you for worrying about me. I'm really touched." You giggled.

"I always worry about my loved ones."

You continued talking to Seonghwa as you made your way back home. He even turned the camera to video call or you to prove you were safely in your home.

"See?" You spun the camera around to show him. He let out a sound of satisfaction.

"Alright, goodnight Indigo."

"Thank you for accompanying me on my journey home, Hwa. Goodnight." You smiled before hanging up. Same as always, you left your bag in your studio and went to take a much needed shower. While your hair dried, you sat in your home studio to continue where you left off earlier in your work.

As you laid in bed, Mingi's face popped up, requesting to video call you. You propped your phone up, turning to your side as you answered the call.

"Hi, baby. You look so warm and cuddly in bed." Mingi chuckled, seeing you lay there.

"Hey, Mings. Yeah, I'm going to sleep soon. I just got back home about an hour ago." You yawned, tucking yourself under the blanket.

"That's good, you should sleep soon. You've worked hard, baby. How were the creative team meetings?" He asked, having remembered that you met so many creative teams today.

"They're rather amazing. The stylists, directors, storyboarders, all great minds. We talked a lot about the message and basic concepts before ajourning the meeting. We'll reconvene back in about a month of two." You informed.

"That sounds great. I can't wait to see what they propose to the group." Mingi said.

"Where are you? It's late for you to be out now." You asked. From his background, it looked like he was walking outside.

"I went out for a short walk, wanted to get some fresh air and clear my mind to write some lyrics." He explained. You couldn't really see his face with his mask but you knew he was grinning.

"Oh? And how did that go?"

"I think I got some pretty good material. There's barely anyone around so it was nice and quiet." He shrugged.

"Wow, I'm glad you were productive and able to get some lyrics going. Not sure if you knew beforehand but Seonghwa and Hongjoong stopped by my studio for dinner. It was nice to hang out with them, I felt like I haven't seen them in a while, especially Seonghwa." You said.

"They did? No wonder Seonghwa hyung left practice so quickly, he went to wait for you. I'm glad you got to spend some time with your older brothers." Mingi said.

"And I definitely got good lyrics because all I was thinking about when writing them was you." He added.

"Song Mingi, you better stop it." You scolded him for being cheesy, hiding your heated face in your blanket.

"I only speak the truth, baby." He laughed, finding your reaction absolutely adorable.

"You speak nonsense. You were always able to write such good lyrics before we were in a relationship. Heck, even before I joined KQ." You corrected.

"That is true but you told me to find my muse. To keep me going and overcome obstacles. Not just for one song but for every piece of music that I write." He reminded you of what you said to him during song camp.

"I did say that. And I told you that you would meet my muse one day and that was Haneul." You smiled at the memory.

"Well, baby, you're my muse."

~

Series Masterlist

[azrielslightintheshadows]

Shadows and tears

So this is a series about Azriel and reader. English is not my first language so please excuse any mistakes. I hope you like it!

Summary: Reader is a tortured soul who barely escaped the brutality of the Illyrian camps finding shelter in the Day Court. Her identity was well hidden until she caught the attention of the Night Court’s Shadowsinger. Will the mating bond be enough for their love to settle in?

Warnings: angst, mentions of abuse and trauma, smut towards the end (18+)

Masterlist

Prologue , Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , Chapter 4 , Chapter 5 , Chapter 6 , Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 10

Chapter 9

Hope.

The next morning you woke up ready to face the new day. The smile never left your face as you showered, got dressed and braided your hair. Maybe this could work between you and Azriel. Once again you met Nesta in the dining room and after your breakfast you headed to the roof finding Cassian, Azriel, Emerie and Gwyn. You started stretching and waited for Cassian to train you while the girls were already moving into the ring.

 It was Azriel who approached you. “Ready?” He cocked his head.

“I thought Cassian was going to train me” you furrowed your brows.

“He told me you need some help with your shadows and your focus” he replied straightening his posture. The hurt of your reject flashing in his eyes.

“Okay” you muttered, guilt building in your chest.

He led you to the usual corner. You placed your feet like Cassian had shown you and stared at the training dummy. Azriel placed his hands on your hips to angle them correctly and you heard a gasp behind you two. Both of you snapped your heads to the direction of the gasp. Gwyn was on the ground holding her nose as blood flowed from it. Nesta was by her side muttering apologies and Cassian was standing in front of them, a harsh look on his face. “You lost your focus” Cassian growled.

“I’m sorry” Gwyn said and glanced at your direction; her eyes stayed on Azriel who tensed.

“Okay let’s get back to work” Azriel told you dismissing the look Gwyn sent him.

You tried to focus again, but something wasn’t right. Why was Gwyn staring at you like that. You would shake the thought off, but Azriel tensing was proof that something is going on. The shadows whispering in your ear brought you back from your thoughts. You continued, trying not to blush at the shadowsinger’s praises. Training with Azriel was way more helpful than with Cassian. Not that the warlord didn’t know what he was doing but Azriel could understand the struggle to keep focusing when something cold was whispering in your ears. When training was over your brain felt like a mush and your body ached. Az had a proud yet worried look on his face as you limped to the bench to drink some water.

“You did really good today” he said taking a seat next to you.

“Yeah, and became best friends with the ground” you replied. “I’m a little jealous of that, you’ve hugged the ground so many times that I now believe that you like it more than me.” He pouted. The shadowsinger pouted. AND he made a joke. You blinked and burst into laughter. He grinned and stared at you. “Oh don’t let it go to your head I’m only laughing that much because it was unexpected” you shoved his shoulder and he chuckled. “Nope you just think I’m way too funny” he replied and winked at you.

“You arrogant Illyrian” amusement filled his eyes “You are an Illyrian too” he replied with a teasing smile.

“Maybe I’m arrogant too, we’ll see” you shrugged and got up, picking your stuff to go back to your room.

“Are you coming to Rita’s tonight?” he asked walking next to you. You remembered Nesta telling you that everyone was going during breakfast. You nodded.

“Great I’ll see you there” he offered you a smile and disappeared in his shadows.

The moment the hot water touched your aching body you moaned. All your muscles relaxed, and you wondered if you could just stay in the bathtub for the rest of the month. You knew Mor would burst in your room to get you ready, so this plan was hopeless. You enjoyed the moments of peace not realizing how long you stayed there. The water started getting cold and the door of your bathroom opened, like the house was telling you to get out, you glared at the wall and then chuckled feeling stupid for being mad at a house. With a sigh you grabbed the towel and wrapped it around your body. You entered your room hissing at the cold and cursing yourself for leaving the window open. Dinner appeared on the small coffee table and Mor burst in, Nesta hot on her heels with a bottle of wine. They slammed the door shut, filling your room with giggles as they jumped on your bed, hot plates of food appearing in their hands and three wine glasses next to your plate. You narrowed your eyes. “This belongs to Rhys’ personal collection; we don’t know who took it” Nesta shrugged and they both burst into laughter earning a giggle from you too.

“He’s going to kill us if he finds out” you muttered shaking your head but taking the bottle from her hands to fill the glasses. You all ate the food and got ready. Mor chose the clothes you all would wear and Nesta did your hair before doing her own.

By the time you had to leave you were all tipsy, giggling you all made your way to Rita’s where the rest of the inner circle was waiting for you. You walked to the booth and took a seat next to Azriel who sniffed and smiled teasingly. Rhysand was staring at the three of you, a scowl appearing on his face.

“Please tell me I’m not smelling my wine” he whined throwing his head back desperately. Everyone laughed while Feyre petted his hair cooing “poor Illyrian baby”. Shock was evident in your face as you watched the most powerful high lord acting like a toddler.

“Sometimes I wonder if you’re his mate or mother” Amren spoke lifting one brow.

Azriel placed his hand on your thigh relaxing back and then tensed when he realized his actions. Before he could take his hand back you covered it with your own and offered him a sweet smile. You saw relief on his face as he relaxed more. Nesta saw the movement and winked at you. You knew the alcohol made you so bold, but you couldn’t stop yourself as you laid back on him. The others didn’t seem to notice, or they just hid it well as they continued drinking and chatting.

“….and then he was on the ground with just one punch.” Cassian exclaimed throwing everyone into a fit of laughter. He was talking most of the night, he had so many stories from the war and the Illyrian camps, and he told them with such a humorous way. You were amazed by the way he could make such dark stories so fun, but you could see the haunted look behind his eyes. Azriel bumped his shoulder into yours, a curious look on his face. You stared into his eyes, primal instinct taking over you as you captured his lips with your own. He was frozen but after a few licks on his bottom lip he grabbed the back of your head and started leading the kiss, it was hot, messy and needy. When Rhysand cleared his throat you two broke the kiss, staring at each other. He smiled and turned his gaze to his friends who continued their conversation but kept smirking. You made a mental note next time something like that happens to get your shadows to cover both of you.

After some drinks Azriel cleared his throat getting everyone’s attention

“I think me and y/n had enough to drink we are going home” he announced and grabbed your hand. You stood up and followed him after saying your goodbyes to the others who were howling and whistling.

“They are acting like kids” Azriel muttered.

“Lighten up Mr. Grumpy” you giggled. He smiled and grabbed you by the waist shooting up earning a surprised yelp from you. In a matter of seconds you could see every part of Velaris. You felt so lucky to be able to live in a city like this. Azriel landed on the roof of the house and let you go.

“I have wings you know” you teased him.

“I know but I wanted to feel you.” He confessed. “Why’d you kiss me?”

“I don’t know… I felt comfortable like I could belong in this family, and you next to me… it felt right.” You shrugged but then your jaw dropped. “Oh Cauldron boil me, I didn’t ask for your permission I just kissed you, Az I’m so sorry.”

His eyes widened “No. You don’t have to ask for permission to kiss me. Don’t you ever think that again.”. He grabbed your face and slammed his lips on yours, a hard kiss to confirm his words. He left you breathless. Your eyes filled with lust and the smell of your arousal filled the place. His eyes darkened in response, and he pushed you onto the wall, his body covering yours and pushing you harder against the wall. You could feel his breath on your face as he stared deep into your eyes.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish” he growled and lowered his head to your neck, smelling you. You felt his tongue caressing your soft skin only his lips interrupting the trail as he left soft kisses.

“Who told you I can’t finish it?” You breathed and almost screamed when he manhandled you, laying you flat in the middle of the ring. He kept kissing his way down, lifting your dress until it reached your waist. His face was between your thighs, and he stared at you waiting for permission, you nodded and in a blink your underwear was ripped, and his mouth was on you. He licked a long stripe, and his teeth grazed your swollen clit. You moaned his name pleading for more. He chuckled and brought his fingers between your folds, entering them in a harsh move that made you gasp. He removed them and brought them between your lips. “Taste yourself” he ordered. His voice strong and cold. You did as he asked a hum of pleasure deep in your throat. You lapped his fingers tasting yourself until he yanked them out of your mouth, grabbing your jaw and moving your head so you could look at him. “Don’t be greedy leave some for me” he growled and brought his fingers in his mouth, tasting your arousal and saliva. You could climax just by the view. Your heat clamping onto nothing making you more frustrated.

“I want you…please” you whined. A vicious smile appeared on his face as he unbuttoned his pants taking himself out.

“Then take me” he snarled and slammed into you. You cried out in both pleasure and pain making him stop.

“I’m okay” you breathed, and he continued pounding into you, changing his hips’ angle to hit the right spots. You were seeing stars, your throat sore as his name kept leaving your lips like a prayer. You were reaching your high quickly but you wanted him to finish with you, so you stretched your hand caressing the sensitive place on his wings making him shudder.

He snapped his hips once, twice and his body tensed, his cock deep inside you as he filled you up.  A low “fuck” leaving his lips making you follow him crying out his name, and every forgotten God’s name. He throbbed inside you. His hair falling on his face along with drops of sweat. He stared in your eyes, lowering his head to capture your lips in a soft kiss full of care and love. He pulled out and you whined at the empty feeling making him chuckle. He laid next to you staring at the stars.

“I wanted our first time to be gentle, but I couldn’t hold myself with the way you were looking at me and the alcohol I had” he confessed, and you could hear the guilt in his voice.

“It was perfect, I don’t like it gentle” you replied and laid your head on his chest. Your hand caressing his jaw. He took your palm and left a soft kiss. You didn’t know how long you stayed like that or when you dozed off, but when you opened your eyes, you were in your bed. Alone.

@cleverzonkwombatsludge

[rexc0re]

I second guess the game I play, Did I make a mistake?

Summary: Rgbtrio but brothers!!! It’s November 4th. Ranboos birthday, and his exploring loving brothers Sneeg and Charlie have taken them to explore an abandoned mall. Sadly, our hero and his brothers don’t exactly get their happy ending.

A/N: There are so many goddamn words in this and i don’t know if they make sense my bad. Also do not expect grammatically correct writing. anyways reblogs and notes are appreciated!!! :3 ((please let me know if there are any warnings i should add))

Warnings: Angst, GORE ANALYSIS/descriptions of an injury that includes: blood, teeth, brain injury?, choking, and extreme heat?

“Anddd you’re sure this is perfectly legal.” “Nope! Absolutely not. This is perfectly illegal.” Ranboo sighed as Sneeg continued to press his hands against the locked door. “I think it’ll be fun! Maybe we’ll find a spooky demon oooo” Charlie, the middle child who is always enthusiastic, said whilst wiggling his eyebrows at his younger brother. Ranboo rolled his eyes and called out, “Do you got that door open yet?? It’s cold man and I wanna get home for cake.” A loud crash was heard and Charlie and Ranboo turned to see Sneeg holding a brick infront of the crushed door.

“Did you just…” “Don’t question my ways Ran. You gotta live a little you’re 19 now time is gonna start wasting you if you keep wasting it.” “Yeah yeah well if we set off an alarm and the police come or something im going to place the blame on both of you.” A loud and dramatic gasp came from Charlie beside him. “You’d never!!! You’ve got too much love in your big heart to leave behind your dear older brothers.” “Mhm mhm sure, c’mon let’s go explore your big mall.”

The mall was large, cold, and empty. Not the exciting abandoned mall Ranboo was expecting. “This is what you two dragged me here for?? There’s like…nothing here.” “Calm your horses Ran we’re not even past this main hall.” Sneeg replied, a little further up ahead than Charlie and Ranboo.

As they walked Ranboo couldn’t help but notice the random things that seemed…out of place. You’d think an abandoned mall littered with boxes and random fake looking prop toys would seem normal. But it didn’t.

“This place is really off, do either of you notice that?” “You’re paranoid Ran, you’re goody-two-shoes mentality is making you feel that way.” Charlie said with a smirk.

Walking deeper and deeper into the mall past various empty stores with names that seemed quite odd, Ranboo couldn’t help but notice the emptiness of the whole place. No left over advertisements, no painted walls, no colors. Just white. And various grays. Besides the food court. The food court was pretty cool.

“Well would you look at that, that sign says your name Charlie!” “Did you bring us here on RANBOOS birthday to show him a sign of MY name?? Wow Sneeg so disrespectful.” Charlie replied whilst holding Ranboo like he was comforting them. “No you dick head and you know that. We came here last week.” Charlie shrugged with a smirk and continued to walk.

“So…is there something specific you want to show me or are we just here to walk around?” Neither Charlie of Sneeg replied and all Ranboo could do was glare at them. Opening his mouth to speak again, the sentence he was about to say died in his mouth as he saw what was behind Charlie and Sneeg.

“Ohhh my god?” Brushing past them Ranboo walked towards the railing, his face in awe. There was a large, and looming sign in the middle of the mall. Ranboo recognized it from seeing it plastered on the walls. The logo. The logo that was spray painted on walls in sloppy red paint. The logo that was left on every window of every store.

They hadn’t pointed it out but he’d noticed it from the moment they stepped into mall. It was odd. Something about it lured him in, like it was controlling him or something.

“Soooo….pretty cool right? Me and Sneeg thought you’d like it since you’ve always liked the strange and unusual.” “C’mon Charlie look at him clearly he likes it.” Sneeg and Charlie watched their younger brother gaze around the mall with big dopey smiles on their faces.

“You know, I think you two really out did yourselves this year-“ Ranboo was cut off by a large crash followed by a low and…mechanical? roar. The three stared at each other in a sort of shock. Charlie was the first to break their silence, turning to Sneeg with an awkward chuckle “So uh. What the fuck was that Sneeg. We didn’t find anything that sounded or even looked like a fucking robot monster!!!”

“No need to yell in my ear Charlie. Relax relax it’s probably…just some other people who broke in.” “Okay cool. Sure yea okay. Can we go now though.” “Rans right let’s leave Sneeg cmon let’s go.” Charlie sped walked past the two, his head swiveling side to side. “Well he’s freaked huh? Cmon Ran let’s go.”

Ranboo took one last long glance at the large poster. Something about it told him that there wasn’t someone else who broke in and maybe there really was a monster out to get them. But nevermind that, this is just a mall. An empty, sad, mall. It can’t hurt him, or his brothers. They’re leaving.

—

“What do you think audience? Should we let him live in these shows for an eternity? Or end this one with a BANG!”

A bang…what did a ‘bang’ mean. He was tied to a wall. No way out. The horrors of the past two days still not over it seems. They were right there…at the exit. What happened? How did he get here at all in the first place. What is this place. Who brought him to this mall. They needed to get out. Now. And figure it out. Figure out who he was. Where he belonged. Because it certainly isn’t here.

“Please just let me go. I don’t wanna continue. So what happened to those people what…happened..”

“Do you remember, Ranboo?”

Oh.

He did remember.

Every last bit of it.

Everyone who he had met these past three days. He knew them. He knew those people. They were real and nice people. The only other people he had in this hell hole. Niki, Ethan, Austin, Vinny…oh.

Sneeg and Charlie.

The two he had known the longest. Charlie was the first person he met. Ranboo always had a feeling there was something special about Charlie. Sneeg too. But he never quite placed it. Until now.

It was all flooding back. Everything about his brothers. Sneeg and Charlie. His brothers. The people he grew up with. The memory of them smiling at him when they first entered the mall. They were so happy for him. It was his birthday, he was 19. They each still had so much left to live for. So much life they were supposed to experience together.

Those two meant so much to him, they practically raised him. Sneeg the eldest who was a pretty bad influence. Dragging his brothers to random old buildings he found, prank wars, and was a lil bit of a tease. And then Charlie. The balance between Sneegs chaotic and Ranboos more ‘stay-in-line’ personalities. The less of a bad influence. Charlie often endulged with Sneeg. But sometimes he took Ranboos side. He was the middle ground between his two brothers.

Oh…they truly meant the world to him. The sorrow and immediate shame came rushing towards Ranboo. His brothers were right there by his side the whole time. And he didn’t know. He did nothing to stop what happened to them.

They died.

Charlie was gone.

He saw it happen. And did nothing.

He wanted to hope Sneeg was alright.

But deep down in his heart he knew Sneeg was gone too.

The only family he ever had. They were gone. He saw it happen. And did nothing to stop it.

“…Someone will find you. Someone will get you for this.”

“Any last words Ranboo to swing the audience one way or another?”

“LET ME DIE. PLEASE. JUST LET ME DIE. I DONT WANNA KEEP DOING THIS. I DONT WANNA KEEP…DOING THIS. JUST LET ME DIE. PLEASE.”

“Just let me go…I can’t live with this. I saw, everything. I saw everything. Please let me go. Let me die.”

“Well it seems the audience has made their decision. The audience has voted for you to DIE!”

Ranboos breathe hitched. Die? He was going to die.

Thank god.

The box closed.

Heat.

All he could feel was heat. God it felt like he was roasting alive. He was choking on his own blood. His teeth felt like they weren’t there. Their vision was gone. Their body shaking uncontrollably. So. So. So. Much blood. They couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do anything but accept it.

I’m bleeding out.

I’m bleeding out.

I’m bleeding out.

It’s almost over.

The shock was too much. He passed out. The pain was terrible. The absolutely most excruciating thing he’s ever felt. But it was almost over. In his last moments of brain activity, all Ranboo could think about was Sneeg and Charlie.

Charlie died thinking he got out.

Sneeg probably didn’t know either Charlie or Ranboos fates as they didn’t know his.

In their last moments, they were separated. The three brothers who were always around each other.

A trio, in life.

But not in death.

The last coherent thought Ranboo had amongst all the pain he felt physically and mentally, was sorrowful. Simple. But, an apology.

I’m sorry I couldn’t get us out. I didn’t mean to leave you behind.