#Peter Jok

[abovetopsecretxxl]

🤣🤣🤣🤡"Ich liebe doch alle Menschen!" - Two Face meets the Joker - Hommage a' "Honest" Jan "BI" Mucha-"Kajal" & "Honest" Peter Ehlers-"Von Joker" - AI Parody 🤣🤣🤣

https://berndpulch.org/2024/05/13/%f0%9f%a4%a3%f0%9f%a4%a3%f0%9f%a4%a3%f0%9f%a4%a1ich-liebe-doch-alle-menschen-two-face-meets-the-joker-hommage-a-honest-jan-bi-mucha-kajal-honest-peter-ehlers-von-jok/

[internalsealpanic]

Love Through the Ages (Jason Todd)

Summary:  Love like baggage needs to be declared.

a/n: This is part three of a series that is a fic rec list disguised as a fic. For these fics, most of the characters will be speaking different languages, so unless specified otherwise assume that the characters are speaking in the first language I mention. They’re all vampires with centuries under their belt. Why wouldn’t I make them all polyglots.  Also, thank you to the proof reading gang for putting up with my shenanigans.  I will have links to the fics I recommend in the fic itself. ALSO, y'all can thank @littleredwing89 for the poem that comes up.

Warnings: Everyone is dramatic.

Masterlist

Series Masterlist.

You tap at your phone screen, planting seeds in a satisfyingly hypnotic rhythm, the sounds of the train vacillating in and out of your periphery. It was soothing having your own compartment, a little world you can isolate yourself in while you anxiously await for the inevitable. 

It wasn’t a secret that you found Gotham stressful. It was about as much a secret as Tony Stark’s civilian identity. You pulled your knees up to your chest at the thought. Big cities were stressful but Gotham was a different beast entirely. It was a writhing monster of steel and smoke. You wrinkle your nose deciding to sweep the thought away. 

Instead, you concentrate on your plants and your farm. You wince looking at your journal. It looks like you’d forgotten another quest. Pursing your lips, you decide to turn your phone off for a bit and pretend the NPCs can sort it out on their own as you look out the window. 

You lean against the wall, pressing your cheek to the cool window. You can’t help but smile to yourself thinking of a sea of black curly hair interrupted by a shock of white, sea green eye perpetually alight with mischief or intelligence (9 times out of 10, you really couldn’t tell which it was.), freckles like star map, and a mouth permanently set in a cocky grin. It’s hard not to smile like an idiot when thinking of Jason Todd.  

   Your skirt flutters in the wind as you dance your way through the crowd, bobbing up and down on your tiptoes over the sea of humans. Sometimes the smell of them still makes your mouth water but not now, not when the smell of Gotham is so pungent in the air. 

You see a gloved hand wave at you on the other side of the crowd. You pin your sunhat against your head as you rush through the crowd, your luggage dragging behind you.

Jason waves a two fingered salute at  you in front of a motorcycle, his foot clearly stomping a cigarette. You toss your hat to him. It flutters over the crowd. Jason catches it easily, putting it on his own head. 

"Hey Princess, welcome back." Jason greets, the syllables of your native French gliding off of his tongue so easily. Fighting down a blush, you swallow your own greeting. Jason would have been a great ambassador in a different life were he not inclined to murder someone with a desert spoon for being a jackass.

He offers his hat back to you, but you shake your head. "You might freckle too much in Gotham's sunny weather." He gives you a hearty chuckle keeping the hat on. 

"Missed you too, princess."

You roll your eyes. Pinching your nose, you look around. "You forgot to tell me to bring a gas mask."

"Every city smells like this."

"Darling, you've been in Gotham for too long."

"And you've been in your French villa for too long." Jason says, putting his sunglasses on you. You glare at him through them.

"First of all, it's a cottage."

Jason snorts, "As if that makes a difference. It's still in the idyllic French countryside, isn't it?"

"I-" 

"I rest my case."

You cross your arms. "You're welcome to visit, you know?" It was a hopeful suggestion at best. 

"We both know the quiet will drive me crazy."

"I said visit," you say, "besides, I think the train ride alone would drive you up the wall." You remember how Jason is with tight spaces.

"Not with you there." Jason winks.

Your heart presses a bruise into your throat and you hate Jason Peter Todd all over again. 

"Ah yes, you plan on driving me mad. Evil. Truly evil of you." You say, grinning back at him. 

"Here's a wild idea, how bout we just not listen to Roy? How does that sound?" Jason gently suggests, handing you your offensively pink cup of caffeinated goop. Jason can smell the sickening amount of sweeteners added. He might gag. 

"Nope," you say, smiling at him as you slurp your ooze. Jason's stomach rolls. Alfred would have an aneurysm. "He was even nice enough to get us both tickets." You hand him one, fingers brushing against his. They felt calloused as they always did. Jason suppresses any oncoming reaction.

He instead turns his attention to the ticket in his hands. Love Through the Ages: Gotham Museum Exhibition on expressions of love. Jason runs through the numbers. "These are $59 each."

"So sweet of him, isn't it?" You chirp adorably.

Jason makes a mental note to kill both of you. "You're only going along with this cus you want to watch me suffer." Jason says, slumping his chair. His foot kicks out to tap your foot. 

"I'm doing it affectionately," you say, tapping his foot with yours. "Besides, it's a universal pass time at this point." You swirl your drink and grin at him. It was your real grin, all bright and eager and stupidly sweet. Something in Jason's chest twists. It's always hard to breathe when you smile at him but really Jason would rather all the oxygen in the atmosphere be burned up than see your smile disappear. 

He sounds dramatic and he knows that but still he knows it's true.

"C'mon Jay, it'll be fun."

Shoulders slouched, Jason smiles at you indulgently. "Fun for who?"

"Mainly me but you can have fun too."

"You are so lucky you're adorable when you're being evil."

Your smile brightens and with a tap of his foot against yours, he thinks he'll survive whatever Roy has in store for him.

You and Jason have been walking around the museum for quite a bit with Jason's arm wrapped tightly around your shoulders and homicide radiating off of him every time someone even looks at you funny. He'd said that the arm slung around your shoulder was so that you wouldn't get lost. As for the homicide,  he elected to ignore the question entirely. 

You flush as Jason quotes another line from 'Master Valentine' back to you. You definitely regret letting him house sit. You regret even more not hiding your books. You squirm as Jason whispers the quote in your ear in a husky drawl. The erotica in the book is amazing and you're normally comfortable with talking to Jason about everything, but this- this was just cruel and unusual punishment. It's what you get for trying to make him suffer.

All the pet names he murmured in your ear crawled up your spine. You shove his face away hiding your own in your sleeve. He laughs into your hand enjoying your sudden bout of shyness.

Jason mumbles a half-hearted apology into your hand, pressing a soft kiss into your palm. You lower your head. You're still clearly avoiding his gaze but you let him press you to his side. Jason Todd is an asshole.

You point to a pair of ice skates so well worn and well loved that you almost miss the little penguins stitched on the side. "Love on the ice? That's so cute!"

Jason glances at them with mild interest. "Sounds like hypothermia." He says, shrugging. 

Swatting at his chest, you pout at him. He rolls his eyes nudging your shoulder with his. You scowl at him and stick your tongue out. Jason leans down, unable to stop the urge to press a kiss to your brow. You scowl even harder. 

"Admit it, doll. The whole exhibition is just Dickie's favorite fanfiction tropes."

"Professor Todd, be a dear and enlighten my troglodyte ass."

He snorts, "Princess, if I was a professor we both know I'd have the highest attendance rate."

"And the highest failure rate." You say cocking a brow. 

"Probably."

"You're terribly humble today."

"I just know I look good."

No, you don't, you think. You shake your head. "That explains the leather jacket."

"You love my leather jacket."

"Well, Biscuit certainly loved your previous one."

Jason wrinkled his nose thinking of the yellow disaster. "That dog was a menace."

"She is the sweetest creature on earth."

"She destroyed my jacket and ate my wallet AND phone."

"I never said she was smart... wait, we're getting off topic."

Jason narrows his eyes at you then points to a crown. It was an intricate lattice of silvers and golds with diamonds that glittered like starlight. "Royal AU," he says simply, "go on read the description."

"A prince and a princess from rival nations are bound by a marriage of convenience. Through a series of missteps. They fell for each other.... that one was pretty easy. Do it again."

He points to a blue feather. "Mythology AU."

You arch a brow at him. He waves at it, urging you to read. "A god descended to earth to be with his mortal lover only for him to lose his memories of her." The feather's glow is incandescent. You can feel the power radiating off of it, a sure sign of divinity.

Once, you would have brushed it off as mere story. You've spent more than twice your lifetime now dipped into the world of myths. You glance at Jason.  Simple divinity no longer fazes you.

"See?"

"I- Nope."

"You're just being stubborn."

"Would you have been my friend if I wasn't?" Would you have saved me if I wasn't?

You think Jason hears your unspoken question when he frowns. Instead, he turns on his heel to face the other direction. He points to a bouquet of wilted roses tied together by a green ribbon. They still smell of blood and something you couldn't identify.  Your eyes drift down curious. Your eyes trace over the words feeling your stomach tumble.

"Gruesome." Jason vocalizes inanely. He hooks his head on the crown of your head, neatly slotting your body under his. You're safe, surrounded by walls of muscle. The crease in your brow softens. You would think that Jason would be less protective after you'd turned but now that you were a vampire, he was somehow even more protective. Roy always joked you only got Biscuit and your other dogs as lap dogs because you already had Jason. He may not have been too off on his guess.

"This should be in a horror exhibit," you say leaning into Jason's chest, "kind of reminds me of you though." You tilt your head up grinning at him. 

"If you make a joke about me being jack the ripper again, I swear I'll-"

"-Bury me alive 6 feet under concrete with a recording of Roy singing Auld Lang Syne in a terrible British accent. Got it. What I meant was... you're just as protective as the man in the story." You say, smiling at him. 

For good reason, Jason thinks. 

Jason buries half of his face in your hair, hiding his answering smile. You smell like sugar and cinnamon. It's a familiar combination of smells that puts him at ease despite the atrocious amount of people in the museum.

You point to another artifact, afraid that you'd accidentally picked at an old wound. 

"Star-crossed lovers." He mumbles into your hair. 

"Bullshit!"

"Read it and weep, doll."

You read the plaque and the words 'meet' and 'different world' assault your eyes. You scowl at him. "Fuck you."

The grin on Jason's face is genuine. It makes something in your veins sing knowing how much fun he's having. 

Your face softens. "You really love this romance stuff, huh?"

Jason narrows his eyes at you.

"You were the one bawling your eyes out when we binged Spaces Between Us. Who the hell cries during erotica?"

"IT'S TRUE LOVE AND YOU KNOW IT IN YOUR SOUL," you protest, pounding your fist against his chest,"besides, you're the one who was crying nonstop when we watched the IDHY duology."

"I was crying because they were accurate book adaptations."

You blink at him confused. "There's a book?"

"Yes, you illiterate heathen."

"You sound like a conquistador."

“....”

"At least they got their happy ending." You say, changing the subject.  

"That's true."

"Still better than Titanic."

He furrows his brow at you. "What's wrong with the Titanic?"

"First of all," You pitch your shoulders like you're about to give him a lecture, "That was 3 hours of my life wasted on a shitty movie. It wasn't even that accurate."

"Princess, not everyone can survive the Arctic."

"And second, the most romantic scene in that romantic movie was the old couple staying together as they sank."

Jason laughs, a deep rumbling sound. It scrambles your brain, almost dissolving your annoyance until he opens his mouth again. "You sound like Damian."

"Jason Peter Todd, take that back." You screech, swiping at him. 

He jumps back, his laughter still echoing. "Stop sounding like the demon brat first."

You run after him, telegraphing your murderous intent. Jason walks away faster, sticking his tongue out at you. Your growl and claw at the air. You screech obscenities as Jason continues to evade you. He is having way too much fun with this. 

You chase Jason around the exhibition for a solid half hour before you come to a skittering halt.

Your eyes land on a vermillion book, leather bound and carefully crafted by skilled hands. You step closer to admire the swirling, arabesque patterns lining the leather. No title is embossed on the front.  It's thick. You would wager it was at least 400 pages.

Your eyes drift down even further, finding a  familiar scrawl. Below the book were photocopies of some of the pages. Pablo Neruda's 'If You Forget me', Beethoven's 'Immortal beloved', Ibn Hazm's 'My Heart', and a bunch of other poets you didn't know but recognized as ...

"Jason these are your favorites."

"What?" He says, walking over to you cautiously.

You look back down at the pages and your eyes catch on the one in the middle. From the numbering, it was the last.

Love is such a hard thing to define,

I don’t know if I could ever find,

The words to truly express the complexity of such an emotion.

It is an emotion felt in the heart,

Long before it makes sense to the mind,

illusive and uncertain until suddenly it just clicks.

Like so many things in this world,

we tend to know it when we see it in others,

even if we can’t be sure of it ourselves.

I think I’ve always known how much I love you,

When I look at you, 

I see everything I’ve ever wanted.

When I look at you,

I see nothing else but your perfect beauty.

Inside and out.

I'm not a poet, (Y/n), but I will tell you anyway I can how much I love you.

-Jason Peter Todd

Jason is a stone next to you.

His mouth is filled with sand as he looks at the far too familiar handwriting. He knew. He knew the moment he saw the red book what it was. Hell, the moment you told Jason it was Roy who told you to go to the museum, he knew what it was. God, why can't he just turn to ash. 

Jason can't make himself turn to you. He can't bear to see what ever disgusted expression you make. He just can't. 

He feels a tug on his sleeve. He doesn't move. He  feels another tug, this time harder. When he doesn't respond the second time, you lace your fingers in his and spin him around. 

You squish his cheeks in your hands. "Jason, you actual sap." You say. You look like you're glowing. You beam at him, all toothy and scrunched faced. Jason's lungs stop working again. His mind can't process what you're saying. All Jason knows is that something warm is crowding his chest, pushing everything else out.

"Wha?"

"Jason, you absolute dork!" You repeat, unfazed by his temporary bout of insanity.

Jason is blushing, looking like a strawberry with his freckles. Jason is more adorable than anyone has any right to be. But that's ok. That's perfectly ok cus he's yours.

In a moment of uncontained affection, you pull Jason to you, pressing a kiss against his lips. It's soft and earnest and exciting. It was a kiss Jason spent lifetimes dreaming about. It was you and completely you.

"Jay, they're beautiful." You say in a breathless laugh. 

Jason looked down at his feet. "I-" was never planning on giving it to you, he thinks. Because, why would you ever love someone like Jason? Especially, after what he'd done to you. 

As if reading his mind, you press your forehead against his. "I love you too, Jay, and you can't argue me out of it. Sorry bud, you're stuck with me."

Jason can't help the smile as it curls on his lips.

He's happy. He's so stupidly happy and he blames you.

"Plus, I already knew."

"Why didn't you say it first?" He asks, his fingers brushing against his tingling lips. 

"Cus," you say, pirouetting away from him, "you wouldn't believe me if I did."

"How-"

You put your hand up. "Trust me, Jay. I've tried before." You tilt your head back looking up at the sky light. The curtain of light fell on you like a spotlight highlighting everything ethereal about you. "Remember in Milan? When I told you I cared about you and you told me I didn't."

Jason remembered that. He was angrier back then. He snarled that to you like some wild animal and threatened to throw you out on your ass if you ever so much as spoke a word of that nonsense again. It was the first time he'd seen you look hurt. You face was wide open with shock.  Jason felt something in his chest tear at that look. He stormed off, leaving you in that room. 

When he came back, you offered him warm tea and a smile. You were quiet, inconsolably quiet.

It didn't…

He didn't…

It didn't occur to him that look in your eyes was heartbreak.

Jason curses under his breath.

You chortle at him, the mirth in your eyes incandescent.

"Yeah. Exactly." You say, clasping your hands behind your back. Jason would like to be buried six feet under with the only words carved into his gravestone 'I am so sorry (Y/n)'.

You snick seeing the look in his eyes. "Or that time in Paris. The one in the little patisserie when I told you in perfect Catalan that you meant more to me than anything else and do you remember what you told me?"

"I told you you were possessed." Jason's shoulders slump. "Please tell me you don't have a third example."

You smile at him pityingly. "I don't-"

"OH THANK FU-"

"I have 50. Well, 51 but the last one didn't count since I was joking that time."

In Jason's mind, his jaw hits the obsidian floor with an audible 'plop'. It would be loud enough that the entire museum would hear it were it real. He blinks at you. "You tried more than 10 times?"

"I was encouraged." You say shrugging.

"Of course, you were," he grumbles and you laugh. Jason's heart skips a beat but he pushes past the feeling in favor of pleading with you. "Please don't list them."

"Oh, I'm not." You hum. 

Jason sighs with relief. 

"I'm gonna leave that to Roy."

"Son of a- He knows?"

You look over your shoulder. "Yeah. Who do you think I complain to?"

"Who else knows?" He asks, trailing behind you as you walk to .... Jason doesn't know at this point and he doubts you do too. 

"Oh just your family."

"I'm surprised they haven't given me shit about it."

"Oh I bullied them into not doing it."

"Impressive." He whistles and you preen. 

"Always," you say smugly. You begin to walk a bit faster, craning your neck. "Now, let's go find out if Dickie installed that bakery I asked for." 

"That's what you're after?" Jason laughs.

"It's a noble goal." You protest. 

"You don't even need to feed."

"I need to feed my inner sweets monster. She's very fussy and is demanding crepes specifically."

Jason smiles softly at you, amused that of all the human traits you could have retained after being turned was a sweet tooth.

"Sorry to tell you doll face, Dickie still hasn't done it."

You look aghast like he'd slapped you in the face with a large baguette. 

"What?!"

"He hasn't put in your suggestion from 10 years ago."

"Where am I supposed to get my fix?"

"Are we still talking about sweets or have you moved on to cocaine?"

"Dunno, have you tried snorting sugar?"

"No. Why- Have you?"

"...my lawyer advised against answering this question."

Jason cackles. "How am I the stupid one?"

"I-" Your scowl turns sickeningly sweet. "Yanno, the third time I tried was when-"

"OK. Stop." Jason's face lights up again. "I give." 

"Pfff." You smile, looking far too pleased with yourself.

Jason straightens up, something sly passing through his eyes. You stop. The look in his eyes makes you nervous. 

"I think I know where you can get something sweet."

You swallow nervously.

Jason leans in. He’s so close to you. You can feel his breath brush against your lips. Nothing else around you seems to exist at the moment. 

You lean in to kiss him but you freeze when you register his voice. 

“I’m taking you downtown. There’s a new bakery there and I heard the crepes were to die for.” He chuckles, turning to walk towards the exit. 

“What the hell?!” You call out falling into step with him. 

He grins down at you, arms folded behind his head. “Something wrong, princess?”

Heat rises in your cheeks and elbow him in the side. 

“I want to take you on a proper date and I sure as hell am not starting here.” He says, rubbing his side and conspicuously not looking at you.  There’s a dust of peach on his face. Your anger fades away. It gives way to a fluttering in your chest. 

“Where?”

He looks at you then, brow furrowed. 

“Why don’t I take you to the fair, princess? There’s plenty of sweet treats there that’ll tickle your fancy.”

Your mouth waters when you think about all the cotton candy they have. 

“I heard there’s a kissing booth too, so if you’re lucky,” Jason continues, winking at you. Predictably, you blanch at him. You knock your knuckles against his chest. Jason chuckles, rubbing his chest. “Sorry princess, I mean if I’m lucky enough to get a kiss from you.”

The temerity. 

The gall. 

“As long as you get me something sweet.” You huff, exiting the building. 

Jason stops on the steps, turning to you with a sly smile. Crossing your arms, you pause bracing for whatever trick is up his sleeve. Jason tilts his head. He says something but the little noises of the city make the words hard to discern. You lean closer to hear him better. Jason steps closer to close the distance, his lips warm against yours. You’re stunned. Your entire body divided on how to react, some parts stiffen while others turn to jelly. 

He pulls away, wolfish grin unwavering. "That sweet enough for you sweetheart?"

@batarella​, @anothertimdrakestan​, @lucy-roo​, @multifandomgirl-us​, @bungunz​, @birdy-bat-writes​,  @boosyboo9206​, @americasmarauders​ , @l-inkage​, @arestorationofbalance​ , @cloudie-skay​, @wunderstell​   @hyp-oh-critical​ @glorified-red​

[libraryofsports]

[emmastarkk]

where’s my love.

warnings: not part of my current story !! angst, sad ending, fluff, language. civil war!time

peter parker x stark!reader.

song: where’s my love by syml.

——————————————————————————

Cold bones, yeah, that's my love

She hides away, like a ghost

“ y/n you have to choose, it’s either me or him” you looked between my father and Steve, You were basically raised by both so it was like picking between your two fathers.

Ooh, does she know that we bleed the same?

Ooh, don't wanna cry but I break that way

“ you know what, I can’t do this right now” peter grasped my hand “ y/n/n, baby you have to choose” I pulled my hand away from him.

Cold sheets, oh, where's my love?

I am searching high, I'm searching low in the night

“ don’t baby me peter !” You pointed at tony “you’re thinking logically” and then you pointed at Steve “ and you’re thinking emotionally”

Ooh, does she know that we bleed the same?

Ooh, don't wanna cry but I break that way

“ and neither is better, because look at you guys- you guys are family. But no you guys are just too damn selfish to realize what’s happening.” You said as you watch Wanda fight t’challa.

Did she run away? Did she run away? I don't know

If she ran away, if she ran away, come back home

Just come home

“ for gods sake, just become friends again !” You scream, Steve and tony look at each other “ no.” Tony said before blasting off. “ sorry kid but if he’s not backing down, I’m not backing down” Steve said before running off.

I got a fear, oh, in my blood

She was carried up into the clouds high above

you turned away to face peter, he stood there and you bursted into tears. you leaned into him for a hug but he moved back.

Ooh, If you bled, I bleed the same

Ooh, If you're scared, I'm on my way

“ i- I’m so sorry y/n but right now, I’m on mr starks side. I can’t be on yours or mr Rogers side right now...” he looked at you and you scoffed.

“ fine peter. Just know that I will fight both you and everyone else since no one is on my side” you shrugged before walking off.

————

“ Wanda... stop please” you said as Wanda helped Steve and Bucky get onto the plane. “ y/n, you need to leave. It’s too dangerous here for you” you scoffed “ it shouldn’t be because we’re family” she rolled her eyes.

“ fine” you said before running after steve and Bucky, “ Bucky, Steve, please it doesn’t have to be like this” you tried to grab buckys metal arm but he pushed you and as he did that, rhodey blasted Wanda which made her lose control over the building above you guys.

“ buck-” you got cut off as everything started falling “ Y/N !” Steve said as everything fell on you.

————

you woke up on a bed in your house, you looked around and your head was killing you, literally. You saw every avenger who participated in today’s activity standing or sitting in front of you.

“ s- ahh” you tried to speak but you couldn’t your head hurt like hell, you felt blood gushing out like nothing.

“ so what made you guys change your mind ? Are you guys friends again ?” You noticed everyone either had puffing eyes or was crying “ okay guys, I didn’t die and this isn’t a funeral” tony stepped closer and gulped.

“ y/n, sweetheart, your bleeding from your head enterally” you looked at him and laughed “ well, I mean what did you except. Basically a whole building fell on me” you smiled softly and Wanda walked in.

it looks could kill she would die so many times “ start saying your goodbyes now guys” you throw your hands up”

————

peter had now entered the room “ y/n, my love. I-I’m so sorry.” He started sobbing and held onto your hand “ I am too pete” he looked you in the eyes “ this is so weird shouldn’t I be dead or something ? This is pushing it now” you laughed and Peter sighed.

“ I have so much to say but not a lot of time-” you sighed “ I know you love me Peter and I love you too, when I died, I want you to move on and have the best time of your life. Forget about me for a while and have fun, have sex with all the girls, boys....” peter looked at you.

“ just joking” you laughed “ but yea and that’s really it, just don’t forget about me for real for real” you put your hand on his cheek “ I’m not ready to go but it needed to happen...” you started to let go slowly “ y/n ! Stay with me please !” Peter cried out “ goodbye peter...” you said with your last breath.

the flatline was heard and all the avengers ran into the room.

Did you run away? Did you run away? I don't need to know

But if you ran away, if you ran away, come back home

Just come home

——————————————————————————

a/n: PLS the song didn’t even fit the story but I love the song so yea. 😫

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

Christmas In A Cabin (Steve Rogers X Male!Teen!Reader) *PARENTAL

Characters: Steve Rogers X Male!Teen!Reader

Universe: Marvel, Avengers

Warnings: Bit of swearing

Request: Hi, can I please request a Steve Rogers and male teen reader in which Steve takes the reader, who is like a son to him, to a small and cozy cabin in the woods during winter break to spend some time with him. They also have a snowball fight. Just a lot of coziness and cuddles.

You had always felt a bit like an outsider when it came to working for Shield. You were technically under an apprenticeship like Parker, but he had his aunt to look out for him and to live with, and you ended up being given temporary living accommodations until Steve came and said you could live with him.

Steve had taken responsibility for you the second he met you. He saw you were still young and impressionable, and also alone and isolated. You didn’t get to see Peter as often and he was the only kid around your age, so he took it upon himself to be there for you without any questions. He took you into his home, got you your own room, made sure you felt welcome and made sure he was there for you. He had no idea how you were feeling- being a teenager and also an agent in training for Shield because of your own powers. And you made sure he knew how appreciative you were. 

Christmas was approaching, and like the year before and the year before that, Steve asked what you wanted for Christmas. You never asked for much, and it was the same for this year. You simply asked if he could find a way to get you a week or so off work to just relax since it had been pretty overwhelming and tiring this year. Steve said he’d see what he could do. He ended up managing way better, but he kept that a secret until the night before Christmas Eve. 

You’d gotten home first, finding that Steve had left a note on the dining room table telling you to pack a bag of warm clothes with a smiley face on the end. You were confused, but did as told and went and got a bag ready. Not long after, Steve came home as well. “You nearly done?” He asked you. 

“Yeah… why do I need this?” You asked him. 

“You wanted a few days off. We’re both off until after Christmas, and Tony has this cabin up North.” He explained to you, and your face lit up. 

Steve got your things put in the car, and the long drive began. It was already late, so Steve told you to take a nap during the drive, and he’d wake you when you reached a place to eat before the drive continued, and by early the next morning, you were at the cabin. 

Tony had apparently made sure the place was ready for yours and Steve’s time there- the shelves were full of food to last you longer than needed- possibly useful in case there’s a snow storm, and all the logs needed had been cut and stacked, waiting for the fireplace, though that didn’t stop Steve from cutting some as well, and taking the opportunity to teach you how to do it as well. Christmas Eve was mostly spent doing little activities like that, also participating in making a snow man and convincing Steve to make snow angels with you by showing him into the snow. 

When Christmas morning came around, you were surprised to wake up to quite a few presents waiting for you in the living room. “How’d you sneak all these here?” You asked him. 

“Tony and Clint brought them up before we got here and hid them in the attic of this place.” He explained, before handing you your first present. 

“Aren’t you opening yours?” 

“You go first son.” Steve told you, making you smile at the nickname he called you often. You took the present from him and removed the wrapping. When you saw what it was, you started laughing. 

“A robot dog?” You laughed, showing him the box. 

“You kept saying you wanted a dog but the lease says no, so this is the loophole.” He told you. 

“God, I haven’t had one of these since I was a kid.” You commented as you looked down at it in your lap. “I’m calling him Roger.” 

“Or call him Tony since he probably won’t stop yappin.” He joked making you laugh again as he picked up his own present, and you picked up your second. 

Soon all the presents had been opened, organised and you’d started to check out some of the gadgets you’d gotten and trying to explain them to Steve- like the tomogachi Clint had gotten you, claiming he got you it because of you asking him to give you more responsibility in your jobs, telling you he’d give you actually responsibility if you can keep it alive for 6 months. 

“Oh shoot I nearly forgot!” You commented before getting up and rushing to your room, going in the backpack you had brought, and finding the small box you’d brought, and bringing it back out, and offering it to Steve. “This is for you.” 

“This better not be expensive.” He commented as he took it. 

“Tough shit.” 

“Language.” Steve sent a playful glare at you before he focussed back on the present, opening the lid of the present, and looking in, and taking out what was inside. 

“I noticed your other watch broke and you kept looking at it still because you don’t like checking the time on the phone- so I got you a new one! I tried to get it to a similar style to your old one” You told him. “And no- I’m not telling you how much it cost.”

“I love it.” He smiled at you, making you smile. 

“Look on the bottom.” You told him. Steve looked at you confused, but did as told, and his expression softened when he saw what you were trying to show him. 

Thanks for being my dad, love Y/N.

“Come here you.” He said, opening his arms and you got up and walked over to him, Steve pulling you into him for a hug. “I love this, this the best thing anyone’s gotten me, but it’s not as good as calling you my son.” You smiled, staying in the cuddle. This was the best Christmas ever.

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!

*Not my gif

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[funnyincorrectmcu]

Peter: Haha I should have Mr. Stark kill you for that. Tony: *bursts in* Who? Peter: Wait, Mr. Stark-- Tony: Who’s bothering you?  Peter: Mr. Stark, I was jok-- Tony: *suiting up* WHO DO I NEED TO KILL?!

[that-sokovian-bastard]

Being an Avenger and Getting Injured Would Include...

Words: 811 Warnings: swearing, getting hurt, mentions guns/weapons Author’s Note: Wrote this when I was in a writing funk and I got a headcanon request. Kinda fun!

Headcanon / Full Masterlists

---

no power specified, so it can be basically whatever

ok, so let's say you and peter are the same age

so, like 17/18, but still the youngest on the team

and ofc you guys go to school together

iw and endgame didn't happen bc honestly,,,fuck t h a t

so normally, you and peter deal with smaller things around ny, obviously because they're all like blah blah blah they're too young and inexperienced

but MAYBE if they'd give you guys a chance maybe you could learn things

but no

so while you and peter are walking around ny doing your thang, and you guys decide suit up, let's go save some old ladies

but when you guys are zooming around rooftops, you hear some yelling and drop in to stop a robbery

they're pretty common around ny, so you guys diffuse the situation and get the stuff back from the thief, and one of you takes them for a little walk depending on the situation, while the other talks to the victim

so today, you two drop down on an empty street as the sun is setting and push the thief and the victim apart

the victim is a young adult, but ofc you're still gonna help

so as peter is standing back, getting ready to talk to the thief, you grab the backpack out of their hands and turn to hand it to the victim

but the thief was not a normal thief

Peter walked a little closer to the thief to start diffusing and talk to them, but the thief elbows Peter in the face, knocking him back a bit as he wasn't expecting it

As Peter is grabbing at his face and bringing himself back to reality, he sees the thief pull something out and aim at you

it wasn't a gun, he wasn't quite sure what it was, and it reminded him of the weapons people had a few years back when Vulture was around...but he thought those were all taken care of

maybe it's something new who knows

But you got hit in the shoulder, and it sent you flying back a few feet, and landed on the ground

the thief and the victim ran in opposite directions, leaving you on the ground, barely conscious, and Peter trying to figure out what the hell just happened

but then Peter snaps back to reality, realizing you were hurt and he had no idea what to do

so he calls Tony, of course, freaking out so much tony has to force him to slow down and breathe so he can understand what Peter is saying

and once Peter finally says, "Y/N got hurt...idk what to do this thief had some type of alien gun thing and shot-"

and then tony cuts him off like, "we'll be right there"

a few hours later, you wake up in the avenger's facility on a bed in the lab

Tony is monitoring your vitals while on the phone with Bruce to see if he's heard anything about anything, like what you were hit with

and Peter is sitting in the corner of the room, back in his normal clothes, playing on his phone to distract him

"What's going on?" You ask groggily, and both Tony and Peter's heads snap towards you, confused but happy looks on their faces

"You're awake!" Peter jumped up. "That's good. They were worried whatever you were hit with could have hurt you a lot more."

Tony hangs up the phone to come over to you. "How are you feeling?"

You tell him your arm is in a lot of pain, but other than that you were feeling okay. A little hungry and tired, but okay.

Tony explained that there was some weird bullet looking thing in your arm and they had to stitch you up, so it was going to hurt, but there was no trace of any unknown substance in you, so that's good

As Tony explains this to you, the door opens. "I got you guys lunch, who knows if you'll feed yourselves" Natasha walks in holding some plates filled with food. Her jaw drops. "You're up! Tony and Bruce were sure you'd be out for a few days!"

"I guess I just beat odds, then, right?" You joke.

All throughout the day, your friends came to check on you, making sure you were feeling better and if there was anything you could do. They also vowed they would teach you and Peter a bit more, because in the end it will protect you more than not letting you guys do anything

you're like "you're telling me all I had to do to get this approval was get hurt I would have done this ages ago"

but at least you get out of school for the next few days

score

[coconutknightshade]

Capri Sun (Ch 1)

Word Count: 1.4K Relationships: Tony Stark/Pepper Potts ; Tony Stark & Peter Parker ; Pepper Potts & Peter Parker

Summary: The one in which Peter is riding the elevator with Tony and Pepper when he notices a fourth heartbeat and honestly he can’t believe Pepper and Tony haven’t told him yet that they’re having a baby. In the end it’s Peter that tells them they’re having a baby.

Read Here on AO3 or Below

“Everyone is so absorbed with their phones these days,” Peter sighs dramatically. “Nobody lives in the moment. Back in my day we didn’t have electricity. We pushed each other in the dirt for entertainment.” Tony snorts but finally looks up from his phone. “You kids these days have it so easy,” he adds. “When I was a kid, I had to walk 47 miles in the snow to get to school.” Pepper laughs. “None of you kids have any work ethic. I used to work four jobs, 30 hours a day. None of you know what hard labor is.” “Pepper, you do actually somehow manage to work 30 hours a day,” Tony deadpans. The redhead doesn’t look up from her StarkPad but she does smirk. “We can’t both be the trophy spouse, Tony.“

Peter whistles low. “I’d say she really got you with that one but-” “Not with that attitude we can’t,” Tony mutters petulantly. Things fall back into a companionable silence as the three of them step into the elevator. Tony pulls his phone back out and Peter drops his head back against the wall of the elevator. His phone is dead, otherwise he too would have it out. Instead he closes his eyes and lets the silence wash over him. Except nothing is ever truly silent around Peter. He can hear the mechanics of the elevator whirring beneath his feet. The sound the panel makes as they pass by each floor. There’s a fly somewhere off in the right corner that fades into something of a white noise. He can hear Pepper’s slow and steady heart rate and it relaxes him just a bit more. Tony’s is there in the background, the beats falling between Pepper’s own. It beats a little faster, however, and Peter frowns. High blood pressure. The additional heartbeat is soft, nearly undetectable and- Peter’s eyes shoot open. The fourth heart beat. The fourth. He tilts his head in confusion. It’s faint but it’s definitely there. “Oh wow,” Peter says in surprise, expression one of thinly veiled shock before he’s downright beaming. “Congratulations on the baby! If I weren’t so excited I would be offended that you haven’t actually told me about it yet!” He’s dancing on the balls of his feet, not really taking in the way Tony and Pepper are looking at him. Pepper looks confused and Tony looks horrified. “Kid,” Tony says slowly, “what the fuck are you talking about?” “The heartbeat- There’s another heartbeat.” His brows are furrowed, face scrunched in confusion as he hesitantly glances between the two, almost doubting himself. “You two are having a baby, right?” Pepper laughs, almost nervous. “That’s cute, Peter. You really had me there for a second.” “But I’m not jok-” “Who put you up to it?” Tony looks amused. “Was is Sam? Wait no, don’t tell me- It was Clint, wasn’t it? Couldn’t catch me off guard in the vents so now he’s trying a new approach. Well joke’s on him if he thinks it’s that easy.” He’s pulling his phone out to text the archer but Peter snatches it from his hand, demanding both their attention. “I’m not joking and I’m not crazy. There’s a fourth heartbeat. I mean I’m not a doctor but I do have enhanced hearing, so.” He drags the word out, eyebrows raised pointedly before shifting into something of pure unadulterated glee. “I hope it’s a boy. I mean, even if it’s a girl that would be amazing obviously! I’m so excited- This is so exciting. Mister Stark we could make a high tech crib! A high tech high chair!” He nearly gasps at his own idea. “Stark Industries could break into high tech baby thingies and make a killing.” “I’m already making a killing, Pete.” His voice is quiet, exasperated and almost fond. But Peter doesn’t hear him. He’s already rambling on and on, effervescent in this new revelation. Tony and Pepper are staring at each other with mirroring expressions of surprise and uncertainty. “Are we really going to take the kids word for it?” He sounds uncertain, but there’s something underneath it. Something Pepper can’t quite make out. She finally shrugs, almost bashful. “It’s news to me, but I can’t say I’d be disappointed.” Tony’s expression softens and he steps into Pepper’s space, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’m just going to blunt here, Pep. This is kind of terrifying. I’m not sure that I’m prepared for this.” “Tony,” she says with a patient smile. “Preparation wouldn’t make it any less terrifying.” “We are a power couple…” Tony’s muses. “Of course it only makes sense that we would be power parents also.” "Well, you kind of already are a power parent, aren’t you?” They both turn towards the kid. He’s still rambling, listing things off on each finger, gesticulating wildly. Tony snorts. He’s pretty sure Peter hasn’t paused to take a breath since he started. “Thankfully we get to send this one back home to May every day.” Pepper laughs when Peter cuts himself off mid sentence, narrowing his eyes at Tony. He’d only caught the very end of that conversation and quite frankly- “Okay, well that was rude. But I’m really high-key freaking out with excitement over here and you’re about to be a dad and oh man I can’t wait to make dad jokes at you- Anyways, yeah, that was rude but I’m going to let it go this time. You’re welcome.” Tony raises an eyebrow and looks over to Pepper as if to say can you believe this kid. Pepper has to bring a hand up to cover her amusement. “How very kind of you,” he replies dryly. “A merciful King.” Peter lifts his chin theatrically and nods in agreement. “Heavy is the head, and all that jazz.” “You don’t remember the rest of the quote,” Tony deadpans. “Didn’t we just study that Monday night for your quiz?” “No,” Peter scowls. Tony shoots him a knowing smirk, finally gaining the upper hand once more. “As I was saying,” Peter cuts in pointedly, even though neither Pepper or Tony know what the kid had actually been saying. “My middle name is Benjamin and you know, I really think it’s making a come back. Just caught it in Forbes last week. Mhmm. Very socialite these days. I mean think of all the great Benjamin’s out there- Benjamin Franklin…Uhh.” Peter is already at a complete loss. Only for a moment. "Oh! Ben Stiller, Ben Affleck, Benjamin Button. You really can’t go wrong here.” “And if it’s a girl?” Pepper is enjoying this way too much. Peter scoffs as if the answer is obvious. “Penelope. Penny for short. See? That’s one task I’ve already taken care of.” The elevator doors finally open and Peter gently pushes Pepper out. “Go, you need rest. I’m already texting Happy.” “Pete, your phone is dead.” Tony goes to take a step forward but stumbles when Peter fists a hand in the billionaires suit and pulls him back onto the elevator.

“I know what I said! Now go, you need rest, shoo.” He motions with his free hand for her to move along. “Go have an avocado smoothie or something healthy. Whatever pregnant ladies need to do. Yoga or hot baths. I don’t know, I’ll Google it later.” The doors are closing, Pepper is laughing, and Tony is trying to break free of Peter’s grasp. “Kid, what are you doing right now?” “I’m making sure you can’t distract Pepper. You stress her out.” Tony looks offended but when Peter gives him a look he begrudgingly relents. “I’m well behaved,” he pouts. Peter pats his shoulder sympathetically. “Of course you are. Let’s go, I’m going to buy you a congratulatory chocolate shake.” “Peter, I think I can buy my own shake.” “Well, I’d buy you a drink, but we have that ridiculous drinking age… Ridiculous.” Tony wraps an arm around Peter’s shoulder. “It’s okay, kid. It’s the thought that counts. C'mon. I’ll buy you a Capri Sun.” “I’lL bUy YoU a CaPrI sUn,” Peter repeats in a mocking voice, petulant. Tony is nearly grinning as he stares up at the numbers above the door as they descend further and further. He’s waiting for what he knows will come. Then, finally, a quiet, “I want three of them.” And there it is. Tony smirks. He can do this whole parent thing. After all, Pepper is right. He does already have one kid. Tony ruffles Peter’s hair obnoxiously, laughing outright as the kid groans and shoves him away. Yeah, Tony thinks, I’ve totally got this.

[welcometothelairofthebitchking]

'Field trip to stark tower with a twist' some sort of writing prompt :

“FRIDAY, open the doors to panic room C2, floor 65.” The tour guide says, trying hard to keep her expression relaxed and neutral. She’s doing a good job, peter thinks, considering they’re all trapped in the stark tower with a group of villains currently on the loose and none of the avengers able to get in.   

“Access denied.” FRIDAY’s voice echoes around the empty hallway, more robotic and emotionless that Peter’s ever heard before. He finds himself wishing for the comfort of Karen’s soft voice in his ear. “You do not have clearance for entering this unit.”  

“System override, Natalia Nelson.” The tour guide tries again, a hint of fear in her previously steely tone.

“Natalia Nelson, alpha level orange,” the feminine voice confirms, and for a second everything seems to be going alright, but then the sign above the panic room door flashes red once more and peter’s heart drop down to his stomach. “Authorization not recognized.”

“What do you mean authorization not recogni-“

“FRIEDAY,” Peter calls, eyes screwed shut and voice a little shaky in fear of what he’s about to do, “Peter parker, confidential, requesting all access.”  

Peter more feels than sees all the eyes turning to him, faces a mixture of fear, confusion, and anger.

“Parker" flash snarls, face nearly red with rage, "this isn’t time for your stupid jok-”

“Peter Parker, confidential. Priority: alpha level gold. All access granted. How may I be of service?”

Peter takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the stares as he straightens up and runs a nervous hand through his hair, “put me on speaker.”

So i was totally gonna write this but im too busy so... anyone interested?

(Au where peter's class go to a field trip to stark tower just before its sold, but a group of criminals manage to somehow get in and trap everyone inside, and with no avenger to save the day, it's all up to peter to keep all the people inside safe)

edit:ended up starting it myself. AO3 link

[straightouttatshirt-blog]

http://straightouttatshirt.com/straight-outta-destin-awesome-team-shirt Straight Outta Destin – Awesome Team Shirt ! – STRAIGHT OUTTA T-SHIRTS HOODIES

[christmastshirtshoodiesblog-blog]

http://christmastshirtshoodies.com/a8470-fremont-special-for-christmas-nari A8470 FREMONT - Special for Christmas - NARI - Christmas T-Shirts Hoodies

[gilbertdb]

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Specialist for medical Emergence:

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[calebom]

Adual Jok by Peter Kanaev for Mixte Magazine March 2022

[mentalnahigijena]

Vučić od SAD-a i EU dobio snažan udarac Predsjednik Srbije Aleksandar Vučić nije bio sretan izjavama Moskve da će cijena plina porasti na 2.000 eura za hiljadu kubnih metara. Iako je prije koji mjesec bio u Moskvi i ondje dogovorio povoljne cijene plina, negdje oko 300 eura. Ivica Dačić, čelnik SPS-a, nasljednik Slobodana Miloševića, rekao je da Srbija neće učestvovati u bratoubilačkom ratu Ukrajinaca i Rusa. "Mi želimo da se sačuva mir, nije lako, vidite kako se dva bratska naroda lako zavade u interesu trećih kao što su Rusi i Ukrajinci", rekao je Dačić, piše u analizi Jutarnji list. I zapitao se retorički zašto bi sad neko tražio od Srbije da se izjašnjava. "Mi smo kao narod uvijek bili hrabri da kažemo ne. Hvala Turcima što su nas naučili da kažemo jok", rekao je Dačić. U međuvremenu su u Beograd stigla dva zahtjeva da se Srbija izjasni. "Amerika vjeruje da će Srbija stajati rame uz rame s EU u poštovanju međunarodnog prava da bi se štitio mir, prosperitet i stabilnost širom regije", saopćio je glasnogovornik State Departmenta, američkog pandana Ministarstvu vanjskih poslova. Dodajući kako Washington pozdravlja nedavnu izjavu predsjednika Vučića da Srbija razumije važnost poštovanje teritorijalnog integriteta Ukrajine. Zemlje koje su u postupku pregovora za pristupanje u članstvo EU imaju obavezu prilagođavanja politike Zajedničkoj sigurnosnoj i vanjskoj politici Unije. Prema podatcima Europske komisije, 2020. godine Srbija se podržala 56% odluka EU i Vijeća, a do augusta 2021. godine postotak je porastao na 61. Peter Stano, glasnogovornik EU, izjavio da je "Srbija zemlja kandidat i zato se od nje očekuje da se uskladi s odlukama EU u domeni vanjske i sigurnosne politike".

Kompletan tekst pročitajte na linku

[sinemeter]

hereditary

“She had private rituals, private friends, private anxieties.”

Suatu siang di dalam kelas, Peter tiba-tiba mengangkat tangan kanannya, wajahnya ditekuk, bibirnya menyamping seperti orang terserang stroke, lalu ia membenturkan mukanya ke meja sampai hidungnya patah. Dan semua terjadi di luar kendalinya.

Annie: Kematian yang Tak Menyelesaikan Hal-hal

Ellen meninggal dunia. Wanita tua keriput itu akhirnya menghirup napas terakhirnya dan berbaring tenang di dalam peti mati. Bagi Annie (Toni Collette), kematian ibu kandungnya itu tak bisa dibilang sepenuhnya menyedihkan. Ada sedikit kelegaan yang bersarang di hatinya, yang di hari pemakaman agaknya cukup berkonflik dengan situasi perkabungan sehingga membuatnya tak yakin apakah kesedihannya itu sudah pas ataukah ia seharusnya bisa lebih sedih lagi. Pidato yang ia bawakan di rumah berkabung sedikit menonjolkan masalah personalnya dengan sang ibu, yang ia gambarkan sebagai wanita yang “sukar dibaca” dan bisa jadi sosok paling “manis, hangat, dan penuh kasih sayang, kalau sedang waras”.  

Pengaruh sang ibu rupanya sangat kuat mewarnai kehidupan Annie. Tensi hubungan mereka yang naik-turun melibatkan Annie kepada masalah-masalah mental yang membuatnya terlihat sebagai seorang perempuan yang tak stabil. Ketika Annie melahirkan anak pertamanya, Peter (Alex Wolff), itu lebih dikarenakan dorongan dari sang ibu yang begitu keukeuh menghendaki seorang cucu. Padahal Annie belum menginginkan anak dan bahkan ia siap menggugurkan kandungannya. Tekanan batin membuat Annie berjarak dengan sang ibu, sebisa mungkin menjauhkan Peter dari jangkauan neneknya, dan kegelisahan yang disebabkannya sendiri itu bisa jadi berujung kepada kebiasaannya tidur sambil jalan.

Kemudian Annie melahirkan seorang anak perempuan bernama Charlie (Milly Shapiro). Situasi sudah agak berubah, Annie dan sang ibu tinggal di bawah satu atap; dan mungkin karena didasari upaya rekonsiliasi, Annie pun “menyerahkan” Charlie kepada sang ibu untuk dibesarkan (“Even when you were a little baby, she wouldn’t let me feed you because she needed to feed you”). Itulah sebabnya Charlie jadi satu-satunya anggota keluarga yang terpukul atas kematian neneknya; ia jadi bingung, hilang arah, dan tak begitu yakin akan nasib hidupnya ke depan (“Who’s gonna take care of me?”). Keberadaan Charlie memang mengubah sedikit keadaan di antara Annie dan sang ibu, meskipun ketegangan tetap terjalin namun setidaknya mereka tidak saling usik secara langsung. Anak-anak Annie seolah jadi perantara yang menjembatani hubungannya dengan sang ibu agar tidak meruncing sebagai perang antarpersonal yang makin intens.

Menilik kepada sejarah, keluarga Ellen memang mengandung bibit-bibit kehancuran mental. Depresi, skizofernia, bunuh diri, adalah bentuk-bentuk penyakit yang menjangkiti anggota keluarga, termasuk Annie yang kerapuhan jiwanya memberi banyak ruang buat didiami depresi. Bahan bakar utamanya ialah rasa bersalah, yang tak terjelaskan sekaligus juga terjelaskan, yang menguasai penuh dirinya di saat-saat tertentu, yang membuatnya justru destruktif terhadap perasaan-perasaan lain yang tumbuh dalam diri. Annie mengutarakannya dengan tegas di sesi grup terapi khusus orang-orang yang berduka, bahwa dirinya dirudung rasa bersalah yang diwarisi dari almarhumah ibunya, yang menyudutkannya sebagai seorang istri, ibu, anak, dan manusia, dan itu terasa seperti kutukan.

Annie: “My mom was old and she wasn’t all together there at the end. And we were pretty much estranged before that, so it really wasn’t a huge blow. But I did love her. And she didn’t have an easy life. She had DID, which became extreme at the end. And dementia. And my father died when I was a baby from starvation, um, because he had psychotic depression and he starved himself, which I’m sure was just as pleasant as it sounds. And then there’s my brother. My older brother had schizophrenia and when he was 16 he hanged himself in my mother’s bedroom and of course the suicide note blamed her accusing her of putting people inside him. And then she lived in our house at the end before hospice. We weren’t even talking before that. We were and then we weren’t. And then we were. She’s completely manipulative. Until my husband finally enforced a no-contract rule, which lasted until I got pregnant with my daughter. I didn’t let her anywhere near me when I had my first son, which is why I gave her my daughter, who she immediately stabbed her hooks into. And I just felt guilty again. When she got sick, not that she was really even my mom at the end, and not that she would ever feel guilty about anything. And I just don’t want to put any more stress on my family. I’m not even really sure if they could give me that support. I just sometimes feel like it’s all ruined. And then I realize that I am to blame. Or not that I’m to blame, but I am blamed!”

Namun belum genap rasa dukanya terdefinisikan, Annie harus berhadapan dengan kematian Charlie yang terjadi dengan sangat tiba-tiba. Kematian itu tidak hanya mengagetkan tetapi juga amat mengenaskan karena bocah itu harus kehilangan kepalanya akibat sebuah kecelakaan di jalan raya. Charlie yang sedang pergi bersama Peter ke sebuah acara pesta di malam hari awalnya hendak dilarikan ke rumah sakit gara-gara terkena serangan asma. Di dalam mobil ia duduk di jok belakang, berjuang mempertahankan napasnya, dan ia menjulurkan kepala keluar jendela demi menghirup sebanyak-banyaknya oksigen. Di atas mobil yang melaju panik itu kepalanya membentur tiang listrik, seketika terpenggal dan terpelanting, meninggalkan badannya di kursi belakang dalam lumuran darah; yang kemudian dijumpai Annie keesokan paginya sambil diiringi lengkingan histeris.

Kematian putri bungsunya yang kelewat tragis itu membawa rasa bersalah Annie kepada babak baru di mana kali ini ia berhadap-hadapan dengan Peter, yang juga membawa rasa bersalah. Dalam diam keduanya saling menyalahkan. Bagi Annie, kalau saja Peter bisa lebih telaten menjaga adiknya di pesta, tidak asyik menghisap ganja bersama temannya, dan menyetir mobil dengan lebih tenang, Charlie pasti masih hidup. Bagi Peter, kalau saja Annie tidak mendesak dirinya buat membawa Charlie ke acara pesta temannya maka anak perempuan itu pasti akan selamat.

Hubungan yang meregang itu seakan menguatkan kembali kisah lama mereka, yang agaknya jadi sumbu utama dari perselisihan mereka. Dikisahkan, Annie yang tidur sambil jalan siap membakar Peter hidup-hidup di atas kasurnya. Peristiwa itu memang nyaris saja terwujud sebagai tragedi, nyaris sekali, tapi aksi tersebut sudah kepalang terekam di memori alam sadar keduanya, yang membuat mereka tentunya terus saling menghakimi dalam diam.

Joan: “How is your relationship with your son?”

Annie: “Peter? Okay, I sleepwalk. A couple years ago, I woke up and I was standing next to Peter in Charlie’s bed when they shared a room. And they were completely covered in paint thinner. And so was I. From head to toe. And I was standing there with a box of matches and an empty can of paint thinner. And I woke myself up, striking the match, which also woke Peter up, and he started to scream. And I immediately put the match out. I mean, I was just as shocked as he was. And it was impossible to convince them that it was just sleepwalking, which of course it was.”

Bagi Annie, kesehariannya selalu merupakan perjuangan gigih untuk melepaskan diri dari gravitasi perasaan yang negatif. Rasa bersalah terhadap ibunya, terhadap Peter, terhadap Charlie, menghantamnya bertubi-tubi lewat tatapan, kehadiran, persepsi, bahkan juga ketidakhadiran yang membawanya pada posisi yang rapuh sebagai seorang manusia. Pekerjaannya sebagai seniman diorama cukup menjadi katarsis yang mengalihkan kegelisahannya jadi sesuatu yang produktif. Setiap hari ia menyibukkan diri di ruang kerjanya membangun maket miniatur kehidupan keluarganya. Semuanya dibuat detil dari mulai miniatur rumahnya, kamar-kamar, para penghuninya, coretan di dinding, sampai ke peristiwa-peristiwa yang terjadi termasuk insiden tewasnya Charlie di jalan raya (“It’s a neutral view of the accident”). Pekerjaan itulah yang membuatnya terhindar dari kegilaan meskipun di sisi lain, kegilaan pulalah yang mendorongnya melakukan pekerjaan tersebut.

Tapi semakin ia berusaha menutup perasaannya, semakin kuat pula itu menggelayuti jiwanya. “I can’t forgive because nobody admits anything they’ve done!” teriaknya suatu kali di meja makan; ungkapan tersebut melegitimasi perasaannya dengan cara yang pedih karena tak seorang pun yang menyambutnya dengan pelukan atau permintaan maaf, seolah-olah mereka menyetujuinya, dan dengan begitu mengakuinya sebagai isu milik Annie seorang. Kemarahannya yang penuh getaran hanya sanggup mengonfirmasi sebagian dari ganjalan dalam hatinya, ia memang meluapkannya dengan penuh perasaan namun setelah itu semua, seketika juga ia terasa diliputi perasaan bersalah yang baru. Maka bagi Annie, pribadinya sudah sedemikian penyok oleh rasa bersalah yang berkerak, yang menjalari setiap area-area yang belum tertambal dengan cepat, merasukinya seperti hantu yang mengontrol dan merusak tanpa belas kasihan.

Ia tidak mendapat support system yang kuat di rumah, bahkan dari suaminya sekalipun, yang tampak begitu jauh dari perasaan-perasaan yang mengorbit di dalam rumah. Itu sebabnya ia coba bergabung dengan sebuah grup terapi, namun ternyata itu pun tak cukup lega buat menyalurkan segala penyakitnya. Bisa disimpulkan bahwa tak ada tempat di dunia ini yang bisa menerima Annie karena pada dasarnya ia sendiri tak menerima dunia di sekitarnya. Rasa bersalah yang dimilikinya adalah efek dari caranya menyalahkan orang-orang yang kemudian gagal terkonfirmasi atau diakui oleh mereka yang bersangkutan, sehingga itu berbalik menyerang dirinya, menuntut pernyataan sikap yang tegas. Sayangnya Annie tidak punya benteng yang cukup kokoh karena trauma dan luka yang belum selesai telah meninggalkan jejak-jejak retak di sana. Sehingga ia merasa tak punya pilihan lain selain duduk menanti segalanya runtuh.

Dengan kondisi seperti itu, Annie seharusnya menyadari bahwa ia tinggal menunggu waktu untuk menyaksikan kehancuran datang. Kehancuran yang tak terelakkan buat semua yang ia miliki, buat jiwanya yang penuh bocor, buat kepalanya yang penuh belatung. Dan untuk itu semua, ia duduk di kursi barisan paling depan.

Peter: Kepala-kepala Untuk Paimon

Pada dasarnya, Peter tidak bisa menolak segala hal yang terjadi padanya. Ia tak bisa menolak saat ibunya menyuruhnya untuk mengajak Charlie ikut ke acara pesta di rumah salah seorang kawannya. Ia juga tak bisa menolak ajakan temannya menghisap bong, yang berarti ia harus meninggalkan Charlie di tengah pesta sendirian dan menyuruh anak itu menyantap kue coklat untuk mengisi waktu. Yang tidak ia tahu adalah ternyata kue coklat itu mengandung kacang yang membuat alergi Charlie kambuh, sehingga ketika Charlie mendatanginya dalam kondisi sesak napas (“I think my throat’s getting bigger”), ia tak bisa menolak untuk segera mengantar adiknya itu ke rumah sakit.

Dalam kepanikan di tengah gelap malam, ia tak bisa menolak untuk membanting setir demi menghindari bangkai rusa di tengah jalan raya. Mobilnya menepi dengan kencang, dari arah kursi belakang ia mendengar suara benturan yang keras, adiknya yang sedang menjulurkan kepala keluar jendela membentur tiang listrik. Peter sempat menghentikan mobilnya, mengatur ulang napasnya yang memburu, meredakan ketegangan di otot-ototnya sebisa mungkin. Ia tak mau menoleh ke belakang karena ia tahu badan adiknya masih ada di atas jok, tapi yang pasti ia tak jadi ke rumah sakit dan beralih menuju rumahnya karena instingnya mengatakan bahwa semuanya sudah terlambat.

Sebagai pihak utama yang menyebabkan adiknya kehilangan kepala, meskipun insiden itu terekam sebagai kecelakaan, ketidaksengajaan, tak terencana, Peter tentunya tak bisa lagi tidur dengan nyenyak. Suara decikan lidah di dalam mulut yang sering dipraktekkan Charlie, beberapa kali terdengar di tengah malam yang sunyi, merasuk ke dalam kepalanya bagai alarm yang menjauhkannya dari kenyamanan tidur. Sekali waktu ia bahkan sempat menangkap penampakan Charlie di sudut gelap kamarnya dengan kepala menggelinding seperti bola basket.

Keluar dari kamarnya ia harus berhadapan dengan ibunya, yang dalam diam sekaligus duka juga seperti mempertontonkan penghakiman keras yang menyalahkan dirinya. Ia mencoba untuk membicarakan segalanya di meja makan tapi apa yang ia hasilkan adalah tuduhan tersirat yang secara kekanak-kanakkan menunjuk ibunya sebagai monster dalam selimut, yang meneriaki telinganya dengan nada-nada memojokkan. Di meja makan ibunya meledak, murka dengan tenaga kekesalan yang prima, maksudnya adalah meminta pengertian akan tetapi energi yang dikeluarkan juga ditunggangi oleh rasa benci (“All I do is worry and slave and defend you. And all I get back is that fucking face on your face!”). Peter tak punya perisai diri yang cukup kuat buat menangkis amarah semacam itu.

Maka ingatannya bangkit kembali ke masa di mana ibunya siap membakar dirinya di atas kasur hidup-hidup. Berapa kali pun ia mendengar upaya ibunya menegaskan kalau aksinya dikendalikan oleh alam bawah sadar, tetap saja skema pembunuhan anak kandung terasa lebih membekas dalam penalarannya. Itu mewujud tak hanya sebagai mimpi buruk tetapi juga dalam detil-detil keseharian dan interaksi yang saling bersinggungan antara anak laki-laki dan ibu. Peter tak pernah tahu motif apa yang dimiliki ibunya saat melahirkannya, membesarkannya, menjaganya; ia tak pernah tahu siapa ibunya atau apa yang dilakukannya, untuk apa, dan rentetan kenapa yang lainnya. Segalanya serba kotradiktif, irasional, dan tak dapat dipercaya.    

Annie: “I never wanted to be your mother.”

Peter: “Why?”

Annie: “I was scared. I didn’t feel like a mother. But she pressured me.”

Peter: “Then why did you have me?”

Annie: “It wasn’t my fault. I tried to stop it.”

Peter: “How?”

Annie: “I tried to have a miscarriage.”

Peter: “How?”

Annie: “However I could. I did everything they told me not to do but it didn’t work. I’m happy it didn’t work.”

Peter: “You tried to kill me.”

Annie: “No, I did not. I love you!”

Peter: “Why did you try to kill me?”

Annie: “I didn’t! I was trying to save you!”

Lalu suatu subuh ibunya membangunkannya dengan antusiasme yang aneh. Katanya ia mendapat semacam pencerahan dari apa yang diajarkan oleh seseorang bernama Joan, seseorang yang dikenalnya dari grup terapi. Ibunya membacakan mantra dan menyalakan lilin di tengah meja, lalu menggenggam tangan Peter dan ayahnya, bersiap melakukan ritual pemanggilan arwah Charlie. Itu sama sekali tak terdengar seperti ide bagus. Namun Peter lagi-lagi tak bisa menolak ajakan tersebut. Ia pun menyaksikan sendiri bagaimana batang lilin bergeser-geser dengan sendirinya di atas meja. Ia juga merasakan aliran udara yang membangkitkan bulu kuduknya. Kemudian ia tak bisa menahan tangis serta rasa takutnya begitu ibunya dirasuki arwah Charlie, bicara dengan dua suara yang berbeda, saling bersahutan dengan kacau dan histeris, saling bergantian membentuk pola-pola horor yang baru dan nyata di rumah.

Untung momen tersebut tak berlangsung lama karena ibunya segera diguyur air dan kembali ke kondisi normal. Tapi ketakutan yang dihasilkan membekas, dan tanpa sepengetahuan siapa pun, kekuatan setan telah merangsek masuk ke dalam rumah. Di dalam kelas, Peter mendapati bayangan dirinya di kaca tersenyum bengis ke arahnya. Ia diikuti oleh kilatan cahaya misterius yang menjelajahi koridor sekolahnya. Saat istirahat makan siang, dari seberang jalan di balik pagar sekolahnya ada seseorang tak dikenal meneriakkan namanya diikuti mantra-mantra sihir. Lalu puncaknya adalah ketika ia membenturkan wajahnya ke meja di dalam kelas sampai hidungnya patah, digerakkan oleh kekuatan lain dari luar dirinya.

Sementara di rumah, ibunya menemukan mayat sang nenek di atas loteng dalam keadaan tanpa kepala. Ada yang telah membongkar kuburan dan menaruh mayat itu di sana. Sementara buku catatan harian Charlie secara gaib membuka halaman-halaman di dalamnya yang dipenuhi sketsa wajah Peter. Ibunya mendapat firasat kalau Peter dalam bahaya, dan dari barang-barang peninggalan si nenek di gudang ibunya menemukan bahwa selama ini nenek tersebut tergabung dalam sebuah sekte pemuja setan Paimon, salah satu dari raja setan di neraka, yang memperjuangkan manifestasi Paimon di dunia ke dalam wujud seorang manusia.  

Peter adalah sasaran utama kelompok itu. Sebuah perjanjian sepertinya sudah dibuat antara sang nenek dengan raja setan dan sekarang waktunya penagihan. Paimon menginginkan tubuh laki-laki. Itulah sebabnya si nenek menginginkan seandainya Charlie adalah seorang laki-laki. Ia tak bisa mengambi Peter begitu saja karena selalu terhalang oleh proteksi Annie, oleh sebab itu selama ini ia hanya bisa menyuapi Paimon pelan-pelan dengan jiwa Charlie. Lalu kematian Charlie jadi momentum yang pas buat menghidupkan si raja setan dalam inang yang baru.    

Tak ada yang bisa menghentikan kekuatan gelap yang seperti itu. Annie sempat mencoba membakar buku catatan Charlie namun lidah api juga turut menjalari tubuhnya sehingga ia segera mengurungkan niatannya. Kedua kalinya ia coba membakar buku, tubuh suaminya seketika terbakar penuh sampai gosong. Ia pun pada akhirnya dirasuki roh jahat yang membuat tubuhnya bisa melayang di udara, lalu memenggal kepalanya sendiri dengan menggesek-gesek kawat piano di batang leher sebagai persembahan bagi kebangkitan Paimon.

Peter harus merelakan tubuhnya jadi milik Paimon. Ia disambut oleh para pengikut sekte yang lain di rumah pohon, dipersembahkan sebuah mahkota di atas kepalanya, lalu dipuja dengan ritual yang khusyuk. Para pengikut itu mengangungkan namanya, memohon restu atas kehidupan mereka dan memohon doa untuk pengabdian mereka (“Give us your knowledge of all secret things. Bring us honor, wealth, and good familiars”). Tak ada yang tersisa dari keluarga itu karena semuanya telah dimiliki, diambil-alih, dan dikuasai. Paimon muncul ke dunia dengan tubuh yang baru, dirayakan dalam sukacita yang aneh sekaligus gila, sebuah kedatangan yang melintasi ruang dan waktu sebagai pertanda hancurnya harapan manusia terhadap kebaikan. Mirip-mirip seperti depresi, yang kekuatannya sanggup “menghilangkan kepala” seseorang, apalagi ketika orang tersebut kebingungan bagaimana cara yang tepat “menggunakan kepalanya”.

oleh: Ikra Amesta

[bomberlandia]

Part I: Ranking Every Bomber Since 2015

Welcome to Bomberlandia’s first ever look at every Essendon player that pulled on a jumper since 2015, featuring historian and lifelong Bombers diehard Dr. Dan Eddy. As far as I can tell, there’s never been an undertaking where someone has ranked every Essendon player for a period of time. In 2002 Simon Matthews wrote a book and ranked the 60 greatest Bombers players of all-time. I’m sure there have been other variations of that. But those books don’t include every player for a period of time. And some of those books need to be revised or revisited.

This is what got me curious about looking at the last five years of Essendon players and who sits where and who has made an impact. Also, apart from being something to read during the postseason I think these rankings will help explain Essendon’s story from 2015 until now by taking stock of who’s come and gone, who’s been able to stay the journey and which players failed to deliver.

I could never do these kind of rankings on my own. It’s an unreasonable task. For this I enlisted the help of prolific book writer Dan Eddy, someone who has analyzed Essendon through an historic lens and someone who really knows his AFL stuff.

The hope with this first initial crack is that it becomes an annual postseason tradition, where rookies and current players can improve their ranking or if things don’t work out, they can potentially fall. These rankings come at a time where the Bombers haven’t had a lot of success. But there’s a lot of players that have had opportunities to prove themselves since 2015. We’re now starting to see some of the kids step up like Andrew McGrath, Jordan Ridley, Kyle Langford, Darcy Parish, Sam Draper, Brandon Zerk-Thatcher, Irving Mosquito. These developments have been intriguing to observe.

Quite often with rankings they can get bogged down in statistics, and sometimes that’s the only way to separate one player from the next, but numbers sometimes don’t tell the whole story of what a player means to a football team. What we’re looking for are things like longevity and service to the team, elite skills, and sure, accolades. But we’re coating all of that with gut feels. And to be frank, this list is not perfect or definitive but it’s a start and most of all it will be fun to digest. We acknowledge there’s certainly some players too high and too low but we’re ok with that.

Here’s Part I of Ranking Every Essendon Player Since 2015.

Players ranked from 85 to 39

85. Nathan Grima 84. Tom Jok 83. Jonathan Giles 82. Jonathan Simpkin

JR: This quartet feels like the right way to kick off this list at the back end. Giles, Simpkin and Grima were top-ups for the 2016 season. Jok is the most interesting “what could have been” talent. Bombers picked him with their first pick in 2018 and called him an “exciting and raw prospect.” He played one game and was then delisted. What happened to Jok? I wish I had an answer.

DE: I realise Grima was taken at a time when we were desperate for players, but we should never have picked him up. Ranks with our worst ever selections, in my view.

81. Ned Cahill 80. Mitch Hibberd

JR: It’s early days for Ned but he shows promise. He could evolve and become a household name. Mitch Hibberd, with limited opportunity, looks more at home as a solid VFL contributor (saying that based on very small looks).  

DE: I agree on both fronts. Wait and see with Ned. As for Mitch, nothing wrong with his size but not sure he will be capable of holding down a senior spot over the long-term.

79. Sam Michael 78. Alex Browne 77. Tom Cutler 76. Sam Grimley 75. James Polkinghorne 74. Andrew Phillips 73. James Gwilt

JR: Browne was one of the banned supplement saga players who only managed 11 games in five years and was entering his prime in 2015. Browne injured his ACL in the 2014 pre-season and never fully got back into the mix. Probably had the most promise and potential in this section of players.

DE: I had high hopes for Cutler when we recruited him from Brisbane, as I felt his size could be of advantage to our list. But his first season was a disappointment. Hopefully in year two he can have more impact. Gwilt was another, like Grima, who we should never have recruited.

72. Jake Long 71. Kobe Mutch 70. Brandon Zerk-Thatcher

JR: Long and Mutch failed to take the next step but BZT had a season of growth and should progress to be a Top 40 player.  

DE: Tough gig for Jake Long, trying to emerge from his famous father Michael’s long shadow (pun intended). I’m glad he got to wear red and black, though, even if his time at the club was brief. If BZT keeps improving his fitness and builds on his strength, will be interesting to see how far he can go.

69. Jason Ashby 68. Ariel Steinberg 67. Elliott Kavanagh 66. Josh Begley 65. Mark Jamar 64. Brayden Ham 63. Nick O’Brien 62. Ben McNeice 61. Craig Bird 60. Tayte Pears

JR: I really thought Josh “Fridge” Begley was going to be something at Essendon. I watched a pre-season game against the Suns in his rookie year and he was clobbering blokes, laying tackles and kicking goals. He kicked the sealer against the Crows during a comeback win at Etihad in Round One that same year. His departure was perhaps more about list balance or not developing as quickly as the Bombers hoped. Tayte Pears was a very solid player. Unfortunately he was decimated by injuries which prevented his development. He could never get to that next level he needed to be at to cement his spot in the team. Ultimately his ailments curbed his progression

DE: Lots of players here who had impacts, but unfortunately were unable to sustain levels of consistency. I liked Pears, so was disappointed that injury cruelled him as he was entering his prime. Wasn't quick, but gave his all. I agree with your summation of Begley. When I first saw him, I was super excited about the possibilities. But, for whatever reason, didn't come on as hoped.

59. Mathew Stokes 58. Shaun Edwards 57. Nick Kommer 56. Irving Mosquito 55. Matt Leunberger 54. Will Hams 53. Jacob Townsend 52. Ryan Crowley 51. Jackson Merrett 50. Michael Hartley

JR: Like Chapman, the Cats got the best out of Mathew Stokes. In 2016 he came in as a top-up player for a “one-time only” season. He kicked 6.5 which was better than his previous year at Geelong. If we’re nickel and dime’ing here, Townsend’s 9.5 in his first year with Essendon nets him a higher ranking. I can see his position improve with a retooled forward line that will include a fit Stringer, Stewart and Peter Wright.

DE: Wasn’t a Crowley fan before he came to Essendon as one of those famous ‘top-up’ players. But have great admiration for him for what he did for our club during its time of need. Same with Stokes. Townsend has been disappointing in terms of his output, but too much was probably expected of him in our ineffective, underperforming forward line this year. Mozzie promises plenty, so hopefully he keeps improving year on year.

49. Dylan Clarke 48. Josh Green 47. Jayden Laverde   46. Will Snelling

JR: A former Essendon coach once told me that Laverde should be a lot better than he is but the Bombers haven’t done enough to develop him. This makes me curious then: what’s Laverde’s ceiling? Of all the Bombers’ peripheral players, Laverde stands out with his contested work. Inconsistent? Sure. And he’s not a no.1 key forward. But there’s something there. I think he has more to offer than McKernan. He could be a Mihocek. 

DE: Great to see Snelling receive another contract, as he was one of few shining lights during the car crash that was the 2020 season. Laverde has plenty of potential, just needs to become more consistent. That we haven't had a stable forward structure for some time probably hasn't helped him, but I see good upside if we keep a full list on the park.

45. Matt Dea 44. James Stewart 43. Aaron Francis 42. Matt Guelfi 41. Paul Chapman 40. Jason Winderlich

JR: Chapman was thrown a life-line and bagged 30 goals in two seasons. That’s pretty special. It’s not Michael Long’s run down the wing and goal in the ‘93 Grand Final special, but that’s a solid output from a then 34-year old when the club needed it. Winderlich was plagued by constant injuries – back, ACL, and more back troubles. His leg speed was phenomenal when fit.

DE: Thought Dea was terrific for us, and Chappy provided important leadership during dark times. Francis has such potential, but lacks consistency and impact. Wish Stewart got more of the ball, as that would help us up forward where we desperately need a couple of dominant key pillars. 

39. Jake Carlisle

JR: So, we end Part I of this journey with an anti-climatic Jake Carlisle. A guy who could take contested marks with ease, yet, could make you loathe him in an instant with his off-field “theatrics” My final memory of Carlisle was when he shouted “this club is f – ‘ed” in a match against the Giants in 2015 and that’s not a good memory to have of any player. I’m glad he no longer plays for the Bombers. 

DE: Carlisle could have been an all-time great defender at Essendon, but his final season was a major let-down and I was really disappointed in how he departed. In the end, I was glad to see him go. Like you JR, I lost total respect for him after that comment, and wasn't surprised with what happened a few weeks later at St Kilda.

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Historian Dr Dan Eddy is the author of 12 books, including “King Richard” and “Always Striving.” A life-long Bomber supporter, you can follow him on Twitter @DanEddyBooks35 and read his sports books at www.daneddybooks.com.