#Scramble Sauté

[wizzard890]

Hey guys I invented a soup to use up all the leftovers in my fridge last night, and it turned out insanely, blisteringly good, so I’m gonna call it Emily’s Vaguely Thai-Inspired “Oops Everything Is About To Go Bad” Soup, and tell you how to make it.

INGREDIENTS (note: don’t be precious about the amounts, adjust as needed, I’m not your mom. you’re an artist and the heavy-bottomed dutch oven is your canvas)

three cups of any hearty mushroom, sliced (I used white and baby bella)

a stalk of lemongrass, bashed to reveal the tender insides and cut in two inch lengths

five large carrots, diced in rounds

one knob of ginger, around the size of your thumb, minced

three garlic cloves, minced

one red thai chili, diced

one large yellow onion, diced

fresh cilantro

3 cups veggie stock 

3 cups chicken stock 

(you can use better than bullion in water for either of these in a pinch, and if you want to bulk up the veggie stock, add all the trash bits of the onions and garlic and carrots and ginger and the tough outer leaves of the lemongrass with some peppercorns and star anise and let that puppy simmer for like ten minutes before straining.)

two giant handfuls of any sturdy leafy green, like bok choi, kale, or spinach

three eggs

one lime

fish sauce

coconut or brown sugar

frozen dumplings of any kind

gochujang paste

INSTRUCTIONS

add a few tablespoons of neutral oil to a large soup pot over medium heat

once the oil is shining, add the garlic, thai chili and ginger and sauté until fragrant

add the lemongrass and the onions, and continue to sauté until the onions are soft and translucent

in go the carrots, the zest of one lime, and three heaping tablespoons of your gochujang, stir stir stir until everything is tender and the paste has worked its way into all the nooks and crannies. 

pour in the strained veggie stock, bring to a boil, then down to a simmer. cover, and continue to simmer for ten minutes.

remove the lid, stir the reduced broth, and add your mushrooms and your chicken stock. make sure it’s all well combined. 

we’re going to start adjusting the flavor now: add two tablespoons of fish sauce, and a tablespoon of coconut sugar (brown will do if that’s what you have).

cover and simmer for another 10 minutes.

add more gochujang plus the juice from your naked lime and chopped cilantro to taste.

now you add your frozen dumplings and your greens and just keep an eye on them until they cook through. 

meanwhile, break the eggs into a bowl and scramble them with a fork. pour them into the soup in an even, unbroken stream while you stir. this will give you those pretty egg-drop ribbons.

serve in deep bowls and garnish with more cilantro and lime juice.

NOTES: like I said above, nearly everything in this recipe can be substituted, save for the aromatics, and if you’re a vegetarian you can just double the amount of veggie stock, instead of adding chicken stock. 

[lastoneout]

Hey don't cry, okay? Cut up half a zuchini and sauté it in a pan on medium heat with olive oil, a little butter, and a sprinkle of garlic salt, black pepper, and paprika. When the slices start getting a lil golden-brown take them out and put them aside. Then you're gonna cut up some cherry tomatoes and cook them in the same pan with more butter and pinch of regular salt until they're just getting soft, then put them aside too, leaving as much of the buttery zuchini-tomato residue in the pan as you can. Okay, then crack 2-3 eggs in there and add a little more garlic salt and paprika and pepper—and maybe some hot sauce if you want—and scramble them as they cook. When they're just about done mix the tomatoes and zuchini back in so everything's all nice and warm. You can even throw some cheese in there too. Have toast on the side and some coffee or tea, alright? It's gonna be okay.

[eldritchdilf]

You said "garlic fried rice" and I am highly interested 👀👀👀 any specific recipe?

Typical Filipino garlic rice is really just rice from the fridge that you mash with your moist hands to break up clumps. Some people just fry garlic in oil, but personally I prefer butter or margarine. You can either only just BARELY sautée the garlic or you can make it crispy (preference that tends to cause household fights), throw the rice in, mix. You can scramble eggs in there too and add salt if you like. :)

[voraciousvore]

Giganterra (Chapter 1)

Prologue | Chapter 2

Content Warning: Soft, safe, unwilling vore

Word Count: 2.1k

------ Chapter 1: A Typical Royal Dinner ------

Six years later… 

Crown Prince Ronny, the adult heir to the throne, sat down at his usual spot at the table, on the right-hand side of his father, the king. King Richard claimed his rightful place at the head of the table, and Princess Bianca, the youngest by about two years, sat across from her brother Ronny. The king’s personal guard Ajax, his shadow, stood discreetly off to the side behind his seat, ever watchful. 

Ronny, dour as always, glared at his sister, who stuck her tongue out at him in response. He scoffed superciliously and removed his gloves for dinner, folding them neatly on the table. He was rescued from having to converse with his loathsome family members by the servants, who came in balancing plates loaded with vittles. Ronny sat in a gloomy silence as Chester, the royal food taster, checked each entrée for poison. He curled his lip with mild disgust when he was given his portion: prime rib, sautéed swiss chard, and scalloped potatoes, with a human dressed in a light sauce. 

Bianca had a similar reaction, poking and prodding the tiny woman on her plate with her fork. The woman winced, but stayed silent and didn’t try to run, knowing the consequences of resisting giant royalty would be far more gruesome. “Daddy, when are we going to get more humans? It’s been a while since the last tribute.” 

King Richard wiped his lips daintily with a napkin as he gleefully swallowed the human on his own plate. “Hmmm… it’s been a while, hasn’t it? We are certainly overdue for some fresh meat.” 

The giantess princess perked up. “If so, can you order some little men this time? Pleeeeeease? Ladies are fine and all, but they’re all we ever get, and I want a handsome boy to play with…” She pouted, scraping her fork with an obnoxious screech on her dish. Her human repast covered her ears and grimaced. Ronny rolled his eyes. 

The king gave his daughter a knowing smirk and chuckled lightly. “I’ll see what I can arrange, my darling.” He picked up his knife and cut into his meat, which leaked blood onto his plate. 

Ronny shook his head and dug into his own meal, flicking the human carelessly off his slab of prime rib. He didn’t understand his father’s obsession with tiny maidens, or his sister’s fascination with miniature men. Why couldn’t she be normal for once and content herself with an attractive giant instead? Humans were fine for eating, when he was in the right mood, but otherwise Ronny found them to be gross vermin, clambering around with their wiry legs like bugs. Distracted by his thoughts, he failed to notice his tiny female side dish had crawled off the edge of his plate. He put a bite of meat in his mouth, and his face puckered with detestation.  

“Ugh!” he groaned, spitting the offending meat back onto his dish without concern for decorum. “Nasty!” His face turned purple with rage. “Bring me the royal chef!” he bellowed. The servants scrambled to obey. Soon enough, the obese chef rushed into the dining room, huffing and puffing with the effort. 

“Yes, Your Highness? How may I best serve you?” he asked nervously, wringing his hands and picking at his blond mustache. He was sweating profusely, his skin ruddy with exertion. 

“Bucky!” Ronny roared. “This food isn’t fit to serve to a dog! The meat is cold in the middle and saltier than the sea! Dumping a mountain of salt on such a bland cut doesn’t improve the flavor, you cretin! I’m a prince, and I deserve only the best, not this offensive rubbish!”  

His temper flared as he got worked up into a frenzy. He stood up out of his chair and gesticulated with his hands aggressively. “You’re a sorry excuse for a cook, you worthless piece of shit! Just look at these vegetables! Wilted strings reeking of too much garlic and swimming in watery juices! And these potatoes! Unpalatable texture, lumpy and uneven, tasteless paste! Unacceptable, reprehensible slop!” 

He picked up the plate and hurled it against the wall with all his might, shattering the porcelain and staining the wall and expensive carpeting with juices. The servants hurried forward to clean up the mess in a hush. Nobody was especially surprised by his tantrum: The servants were accustomed to unhinged outbursts from the royal family. Ronny ignored them and continued to verbally berate the chef, who pointedly stared at his feet. Ronny shoved his finger into his fat chest as he ranted in his face, spitting and swearing. After several minutes of screaming at the top of his lungs and frothing at the mouth, Ronny finally cooled down, dismissing the silent chef with a contemptuous wave of his hand. His face changed from pink back to its usual pasty shade. He crossed his arms petulantly and slumped in his chair. 

“Good job, Ronny,” King Richard praised, grinning wide. “Sometimes you need to put the commoners in their place and make them fear you.” He chomped down on a bite of meat, clearly enjoying his meal despite his son’s scathing condemnation of its quality. Ronny shrugged, still scowling. The servants, so inferior to the royals as to be invisible to them, cleaned up his mess in the background. 

Bianca was unperturbed by Ronny venting his spleen, continuing to toy with the human on her plate as she ate the food around her. Eventually, she got bored and lifted the poor woman up by her leg, studying her wriggling with a cold inquisitiveness. She lowered the tiny woman headfirst into her mouth, licking her face and closing her plump lips around her torso before slurping her flailing legs inside with the rest of her body. She sucked on the delicious morsel for a while, shuffling her from one cheek to the other, before sending her off on a trip to her stomach with a hearty gulp. 

She watched as the servants flitted anxiously back to the table, bringing with them a sumptuous feast of roasted partridge and yams for the picky prince. He sulked as the royal food taster sampled each portion and cleared the food for consumption. The servants backed away, sweating nervously as Ronny tasted the partridge. The bratty prince raised an eyebrow and grunted, but didn’t complain. The tension dissipated among the servants and they disappeared into the background again, relieved not to be on the receiving end of another explosive fit. 

“Hey, Ronny, what happened to the human in your food?” Bianca queried.  

Ronny shrugged as he continued to shovel food into his mouth. “Fuck if I know. She probably ended up as a red stain on the wall.” 

King Richard frowned. “What a waste.” He gave Ronny a stern look. The aura in the room subtly changed, as if the air itself chilled. “Don’t squash your humans so carelessly, Ronny. They are valuable, and we can only extract so many without them revolting against us.” 

Ronny stiffened. “Of course, Father,” he mumbled, casting his eyes downward. “I won’t do it again.” The king assumed a milder expression, accepting his words, and the mood lightened again. Ronny repressed a shudder. 

“I never understood why you don’t just conquer the human kingdom, enslave the populace, and farm them,” Bianca remarked, tilting her head. “Wouldn’t that make more sense? Then you can have as many as you want.” 

The king sighed and shook his head. “Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. Haven’t you noticed the humans that are here for a long time tend to lose their unique flavor and vitality? That’s because, if they’re not fed and cared for well, and they grow sad, they become frailer, weaker, and less appealing to the palate. That’s why over time we need fresh tributes, and why I usually dispose of them, when they are no longer of any use to us for our personal pleasure.” 

He licked his lips as he finished the last bite of his dinner. “I prefer my humans to be free-range, so to speak, and of high quality. That standard of health isn’t possible if they were all forcibly imprisoned. Happy humans also multiply in greater numbers, which is even better for us. Let them have their silly little kingdom, go about their lives, and exist in blissful ‘freedom.’ As long as they give us our rightful share and don’t complain, I will be content.” 

He inserted his fingers into his pocket and pulled out a small, trembling woman. “Of course, as you know, not all humans go stale! I still have my favorites, like my cute sweet little Millie, now don’t I?” He grinned roguishly and nuzzled her with his nose. 

“Y-yes, of course, Your Majesty! I would never want to disappoint you!” the poor creature squeaked, out of fright rather than affection. Ronny looked away, repulsed by the display. He hated his father’s distasteful perversions and could hardly stand to watch. Bianca stared at him with jealousy, wishing she had a tiny man to kiss and pet and play with. King Richard always exclusively requested maidens as tribute, and she was fed up with his selfishness. She was used to always getting what she wanted, so the fact that she couldn’t have one irritated her to no end. 

The servants cleared the dirty dishes off the table and brought slices of cheesecake for dessert. King Richard removed a small vial from his pocket full of a glowing blue potion and dripped a drop onto Millie’s head. Her face paled with dread as her body absorbed the substance, a magical anti-digestion fluid that would keep her unharmed inside his stomach. He pressed her into the soft dessert with his index finger up to her shoulders. She turned her head away from him, and Ronny spotted quiet tears glistening on her cheeks. The prince switched his attention to his own dessert and ate in silence, ignoring the display.  

King Richard scooped up Millie with his fork and licked the sweet filling off her body, chuckling at her small whines of discomfort. He gently enveloped her in his mouth, humming with delight. After slopping his tongue all over her and sliding her against the inner walls of his teeth, he took another bite of cheesecake and rolled her around with it, sucking it all up with pleasure. He continued in this manner until he finished his entire slice before finally gulping down the small lady. 

Ronny hastened to excuse himself from the table, grabbing up his gloves. As he lifted them, he noticed an abnormal weight inside, caused by a small, shivering lump. He flipped the glove and dumped its mystery contents out on the table, only to discover the food human that he thought he’d thrown across the room was hidden inside. She tumbled out and landed on the hard surface with a splattering of sauce. 

Ronny glared at her, then at his fancy gloves, soiled inside with sauce. “Ugh! Look what you did, you filthy little rat! These gloves are ruined!” He flung the gloves away, his dark eyes flashing as his white-hot wrath returned with a vengeance. The woman’s eyes widened and she cowered before the giant man looming above her like a mountain. She had already narrowly escaped death when he smashed his dinner plate against the wall; she knew what he was capable of with his volatile temper. 

The giant prince slammed his fist on the table next to her, startling her to her feet. Even standing up, she was shorter than his stacked fingers; he could easily crush her in his grasp like an insect. Her legs turned into useless rubber beneath her as she comprehended the futility of resisting and collapsed to the table. Ronny unclenched his fist and grabbed her up, raising her close to his face. 

“Vile, foul worm,” he grumbled as she whimpered helplessly in his hand. “I’ll make you pay for that.” He knew humans hated to be eaten, so he shoved her into his mouth and swallowed her hard, sending her straight to the fleshy prison in his midsection. King Richard grinned with approval as he observed his son. Ronny stormed off in a huff, stomping on his gloves and kicking them to the side on his way out. 

He clomped down one of the many stony corridors of the castle, fuming with irritation. He could feel the human fighting inside his gut as she was jostled about by his rapid steps. That idiotic human deserved her punishment. Those gloves were custom-made, based on the measurements of his hands, and now he’d have to order a new pair from the royal tailor. Such an inconvenience! 

Chapter 2

[cowgurrrl]

Je te laisserai des mots

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Author’s note: just a tiny sweet thing to preface the wedding stuff coming soon :D

Summary: In which you and Joel realize forever doesn’t sound too bad [~800]

Warnings: brief mentions of hospital settings/sickness, June projects her hatred of mushrooms, fluff :-)

The first time Joel realizes he’s gonna marry you, it’s in the hospital. He’d considered it before, and you guys had discussed a future together. You’re not with someone for three years without thinking about what you want your life to look like. Still, Joel is very stubborn and needs things to slap him in the face before he can process them. Sarah’s roommate calling from the hospital with a severe case of the flu is that slap.

You answer the phone first even though it’s midnight and you’ve been working all day. Joel blinks awake when he hears you calming Sarah’s roommate down and sliding shoes on. “What hospital is she at?” He heard you ask, making him sit straight up in bed. He gave you a confused look, and you put a hand over his to comfort him until you could get off the phone. “Okay. Thank you, Taylor. We’ll be there soon. Alright. Bye.” You threw your phone down and turned on the bedside lamp, already jumping into action.

“What happened?” He asked, copying your movements.

“Remember how Sarah wasn’t feeling well?” You asked, and he nodded. “Taylor said she came home, and Sarah was pale and burning up, so she took her to the hospital. Apparently, she passed out on the way there, but she’s hooked up to an IV, and they’re taking care of her.”

“Fuck.”

“I know.” You agreed. Joel scrambled around for the insurance information, a blanket for Sarah because she’s constantly cold, and even grabbed an old stuffed animal from her bed. While he ran around, you tiptoed into Ellie’s room, told her what was happening, and reassured her you’d be back in the morning. She just nodded sleepily and rolled over after you kissed her forehead. You held Joel’s hand as he sped down the highway, internally panicking about his baby girl.

When you arrived at the hospital, Joel was a nervous wreck and could barely focus long enough to look at the nurse at the front station. You subtly guided him with a hand on his back and smiled at the young woman. “Hi. We’re looking for Sarah Miller. She was admitted about an hour ago.”

“What’s your relationship to her?” She asked, typing in some information you couldn’t see.

“We’re her parents.” You said, and she nodded before telling you where Sarah was. When you walked into her room, she immediately burst into tears. You made a sympathetic noise and wrapped her up in your arms without hesitation. Joel watched you rub her back and whisper little things to calm her down and knew at that exact moment he was gonna marry you. You comforted him, checked on Ellie, claimed Sarah as your own, and didn’t even pause at the door despite her being contagious like it was second nature.

Once Sarah was feeling better, he took the girls out for lunch while you were working and asked them what they would think if you guys got married. “Wait, are you serious?” Ellie asked, and he nodded, fighting a big smile.

“Would that be okay?”

“When would you propose? Have you looked at rings? What’s the plan?” Sarah asked, more than excited at the idea of you becoming a permanent part of their lives.

It was much quieter the first time you realized you were going to marry Joel. You were out to dinner with the girls and Joel and ordered your plate without reading the menu close enough. Your plate arrived with big sautéed mushrooms on top. Your smile faltered just a bit, but you wouldn’t send the dish back because you couldn’t read. You were a waitress for long enough to know better. But Joel knew how much you hated mushrooms and quickly switched food with you. He didn’t even look at you as he did; he just did it. You squeezed his hand under the table and went back to listening to Ellie’s story.

After that, more than ever, you started thinking about your future with him. You think about summers spent at the ranch; winters spent visiting New York, cooking dinner together, and even having more kids. You were never sure if you wanted to have kids, but Joel is such a great dad, and you’ve had so much fun parenting the girls with him. When Carolina had Victoria, you and Joel visited, and watching him interact with Elizabeth and Victoria made something deep within you ache. He was so gentle and sweet, and you couldn’t even lie to yourself about how hot he looked taking care of a newborn. Stupid caveman psychology.

So, for the first time, you realize you could marry Joel Miller. You could even have a baby with him. Maybe a few. You just didn’t know he was also thinking the same thing and would propose to you not even a month after that dinner.

But that's another story for another time.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/2/2024

it’s quite satisfying how the year started on a monday

listening

first song of the year: how could it be anything other than Sabata. this is the theme from the titular Sabata, i meant to pick the theme from Return of Sabata but im not mad about it.

-

reading

i read Tim Marchman’s Popping Tins newsletter (a newsletter about fish and seafood) less bc i enjoy locking Mack in the bathroom every time i want a tuna melt and more for the droll authorial voice. i have bought a tin of mackerel after reading some entries, and it was very good but much much richer than tuna.

What should I do with this can of krill meat?

after consulting the importer’s website:

This is accompanied by a photograph of the can featuring easily-discerned black eyes, which are nothing to be concerned about, according to the company that produces this can. The first question on its FAQ page is “What are the little black speckles in my can?” “No need to be concerned here!” the answer reads. “Your meat is not dirty, and you did not get a defected can. Our Antarctic Krill meat contains the most nutritious parts of the krill, which happen to include their eyes.

…

The risks here are clear: I could vomit when I open the can and see the nutritious black eyes staring at me; I could destroy the peace in my home by making it smell like sautéed and simmered krill; and/or I could ruin a perfectly delicious lunch by introducing nutritious eyes and hard bits of chitin.

i have no memory of how i found this newsletter.

i keep forgetting i have ten hoopla credits a month through my old library and i want to read more comics this year bc reading comics is fun. in the past in practice this means ive binged all ten credits over a weekend. this weekend i had time for exactly one.

The Riddler: Year One is an extremely direct tie-in to the movie and i think it’s neat they let the riddler’s actor paul dano go wild with his backstory and then turn it into a comic. it’s fun when actors get to do weird tie-in shit.

(non-sequential pages)

watching this forensic accountant’s brain crack and scramble like an egg as he struggles to really grasp the enormity of gotham corruption and why the city is such a dogshit miserable place to live in made me go “oh huh that was a pretty good writing decision in the movie”. not that the riddler was terribly stable to begin with but the despair and the unraveling were very effectively conveyed. this comic has a lot of fun with funky layouts (left) and an entire issue (right) is conspiracy board shit on top of accounting forms which is a neat artistic choice.

deeply depressing but an interesting new little window into the rpatz batman (god i hope we get more rpatz batman films) and fun to look at.

how i found this: trawling the popular comics page on hoopla

-

watching

this is the seventh year of starting a new-to-me classic black and white movie around 1030/11 PM New Year’s Eve and i am annoyed i didn’t like the movie that started this year but, according to the data, it’s been fifty-fifty so far.

previous years have featured: sunset boulevard, yojimbo, the thin man, it happened one night, bringing up baby, the big sleep, and now roman holiday (1953, dir. Wyler).

this is the platonic ideal of a classic movie. it’s not sterile but it’s so… unobjectionable. wholesome (derogatory) even. not particularly what i was looking for in a movie but, much like the gelato and champagne that pop up, it was kind of a sweet nothing. i don’t think anyone eats any real food this whole movie?

this is never a movie that feels rushed. it is two hours of watching beautiful people traipse around a beautiful city in beautiful edith head costumes. i would not say there is a lot of tension for the first hour and a half. however, imo, it does land its ending and for that i can forgive it a great deal. this is another beautiful movie that is simply not for me.

-

playing

have you ever wanted an open world rpg where you play as a shark? congrats, this was apparently free on epic a while back

Maneater has a tremendously fun prologue where you play as the soon-to-be-dead mother shark who is absolutely going to town on a crowded beach and destroying multiple spear-gun-wielding divers and multiple boats full of citizens exercising their second amendment rights. this prologue is an excellent choice by the game bc it locks the fun part (eating people) behind several hours of really grindy shit. i am not entertained by the grind of eating progressively larger muskellunge, avoiding alligators, and collecting license plates. the grind is EXCEPTIONALLY grindy, i put about three hours into it and have only gotten to level 5 (teen) and have only two mutations i can sink loot into (four types of loot gained from eating other fish. this is too many types imo). i am not anywhere near a recommended level to start fucking humans up. im also not super impressed with the open world aspects of it— there are not a lot of things to do, discover, or interact with in the first two areas.

this seems like a really fun game that clotheslined itself with a cripplingly slow upgrade cycle. im sure the mid and late game are hysterically fun, especially on stream. however i am not willing to put in the hours to get to the fun part when i could immediately be having fun in some other game.

-

making

a lot of profoundly uninteresting cleaning. after not being able to figure out why my office (where Phil [no longer in heat. for now] lives) still reeks of piss even after stealing a blacklight from a friend and cleaning with a blacklight, it is of course bc she has been pissing in secret places i didn’t think she could get to. upside down smile emoji. both the girls got their monthly flea goop yesterday and were deeply unhappy about it.

most of my plants died in the move and i am finally tackling the survivors. fan favorite giant snake plant (not pictured, tidied up and inside) did make it and pull through but is not happy about it. now that i have baby basil and baby dill sprouting in the kitchen i do need to do something with the balcony so they have somewhere to grow up study and strong.

also slammed that silly little blondeyes NFT thing up on the archive

[abibeur]

I feel like most fiction about cooking often forget that sometimes, outside of veganism, allergies, intolerances or whatever, you can just don't like something. You don't like something and it doesn't have to be "fixed", nor that it even can be "fixed", by the miraculous power of good cuisine.

Like I don't like eggs okay? I can't eat them, I don't like how they taste, I don't like the texture, you can do everything you want with it, be it scrambled, omelette or fried of whatever, if I feel it I can't eat it. It's not because you're a skilled cook who will prepare your famous beef sauté with his little oeuf and its 2005 château Rothschild wine sauce, which is sparkling so much it's like I've been flashbang'd by the counter-terrorists, that I will fucking eat it.

And it's okay, like you don't have to like every food ever. And you don't have to try everything to make someone else like something, that's just stupid and rude lmao.

[tangeledtearyeyedangel]

March 27

Day 3

1 litre of water

vegetable juice

scrambled eggs with sautéed onions and tomatoes

pineapples

oats with flaxseeds

another litre of water

Dinner: vegetable fried rice

[fattofitsure]

1-week meal plan for weight loss

Here's a 1-week meal plan to help with weight loss. Remember to consult a nutritionist or healthcare professional before starting any new diet plan.

Day 1:

Breakfast: Greek yogurt with berries and a sprinkle of granola.

Snack: Carrot sticks with hummus.

Lunch: Grilled chicken salad with mixed greens, cucumbers, and cherry tomatoes.

Snack: Apple slices with almond butter.

Dinner: Baked salmon with steamed broccoli and quinoa.

Day 2:

Breakfast: Oatmeal with sliced banana and a drizzle of honey.

Snack: Celery sticks with peanut butter.

Lunch: Quinoa and black bean stuffed bell peppers.

Snack: Handful of mixed nuts.

Dinner: Grilled shrimp with asparagus and a side of brown rice.

Day 3:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with spinach and feta cheese.

Snack: Fresh berries (strawberries, blueberries, or raspberries).

Lunch: Turkey and avocado wrap with whole wheat tortilla.

Snack: Cottage cheese with pineapple chunks.

Dinner: Baked chicken breast with roasted sweet potatoes and green beans.

Day 4:

Breakfast: Smoothie with spinach, banana, almond milk, and chia seeds.

Snack: Cherry tomatoes with mozzarella cheese.

Lunch: Lentil and vegetable soup.

Snack: Sliced pear with cottage cheese.

Dinner: Stir-fried tofu with mixed vegetables and brown rice.

Day 5:

Breakfast: Whole grain toast with avocado and poached eggs.

Snack: Orange slices.

Lunch: Grilled vegetable and feta cheese salad.

Snack: Rice cakes with light cream cheese.

Dinner: Baked cod with sautéed spinach and quinoa.

Day 6:

Breakfast: Cottage cheese and pineapple smoothie.

Snack: Baby carrots with tzatziki sauce.

Lunch: Chickpea and vegetable curry.

Snack: Watermelon cubes.

Dinner: Zucchini noodles with marinara sauce and lean ground turkey.

Day 7:

Breakfast: Chia seed pudding with mixed berries.

Snack: Edamame.

Lunch: Spinach and strawberry salad with grilled chicken.

Snack: Grapefruit slices.

Dinner: Baked tilapia with roasted Brussels sprouts and wild rice.

[nene-recipe-book]

Tofu veggie scramble

Ingredients:

Extra-firm tofu (no need to press it; just break it apart into scramble-like pieces)

Turmeric (optional; for colour)

Onion Powder

Garlic Powder

Nutritional Yeast (or cheese)

Salt

Your choice of vegetables

Method:

Drain the tofu, then break it apart using your hands or a couple of forks until it resembles scrambled eggs.

In a bowl, mix together the tofu, nutritional yeast, garlic, onion, salt, turmeric, paprika, and pepper. Let it sit for 5 minutes to let the flavors meld.

Sauté the tofu on medium-low heat until hot (about 8-10 minutes). You can use a nonstick pan without oil, but if you prefer, use 1-2 teaspoons of oil.

Roast and serve with your favourite vegetables (think tomatoes, spinach, mushrooms, or zucchini)

Variations:

Veggie Variations: ➔ Spinach and Tomato: Sauté spinach and cherry tomatoes with garlic before adding the tofu. The vibrant colors and flavors will elevate your scramble. ➔ Bell Peppers and Onions: Dice bell peppers and onions, then cook them until slightly caramelized. Mix them into the tofu scramble for a sweet and savory twist. ➔ Mushrooms and Kale: Sauté sliced mushrooms and kale until tender. Fold them into the tofu mixture for an earthy flavor.

Spice It Up: ➔ Add a pinch of red pepper flakes or a dash of hot sauce if you like some heat. ➔ Experiment with different herbs like fresh basil, chives, or parsley for added freshness.

Cheesy Goodness: ➔ Besides nutritional yeast, you can also sprinkle in some vegan cheese or dairy-free feta for extra creaminess.

Texture Play: ➔ For a crunch, toss in some sliced almonds or sunflower seeds. ➔ Crumbled vegan bacon or tempeh adds a smoky flavor and texture.

Serving Ideas: ➔ Serve your tofu scramble on whole-grain toast, in a wrap, or alongside avocado slices. ➔ Top with a dollop of vegan sour cream or a sprinkle of chopped green onions.

[autistic-duck]

I know we always joke about how white people don't season their food, but as a white person, I'd like to defend myself and say that nobody taught me how to cook. Like, at all. I grew up on cereal, toast, pasta, and anything that could be put in a microwave. Sure, we had the occasional home-cooked meal, but once I reached the age where I could see above the counter, I basically made all of my "meals" myself.

I never spent time in the kitchen with someone who watched me slice tomatoes and correct me when I was chopping pieces too big. I never got advice from family on how to use certain seasonings or how to work with an oven that runs slightly too hot. I help out with little cooking tasks, sure, but people automatically assume I know how to chop an onion, so when I end up dangerously close to chopping a finger off, someone else takes over.

I grew up hating oranges because peeling them was a sensory nightmare. But then my mom cut up orange slices for us and showed us how to make little "mountains" out of a slice. My life was transformed that day. Imagine how many other healthy foods I could have been eating if someone had shown me how to cook them in a way that didn't feel like death in my mouth.

Basically, I'm trying to learn how to cook as a young adult, but it all feels so pointless and lonely.

I have major health problems because I spent several years eating fast food constantly. Eating like that seriously messed up my body, but when you haven't been taught literally any cooking skills, you feel like there's no other option. I mean, come on. Raw vegetables are disgusting.

Anyways, I'm pissed off that I grew up with basically an entire part of my culture stripped away. I see other white people from the US talk about growing up with signature casserole dishes. Where's my fucking casserole?

And please don't just tell me to learn it all online. I've been trying, and it's so hard to find a straightforward guide that teaches you those basic skills that most people consider "obvious." You're supposed to change the temperature of the stove if something is cooking too fast or slow? I used to just let stuff burn or, even worse, I'd just stare at the pan while literally nothing happened. The only reason I stopped doing that was because my mom walked by once when I was making scrambled eggs and turned up the temperature for me.

It's a nightmare for beginning cookers online. Looking up recipes, you'll find article after article where you spend 20 minutes sifting through pointless paragraphs reminiscing on memories of cooking with family (which, mind you, I can't relate to). Then, suddenly a recipe that's far too short for how complicated it is appears. Then you're given random tips on how to find the right olive oil or something when all you really needed to know is what the hell it means to "sauté" something.

So to everyone who says white people can't spice their food, maybe it's not because we prefer bland food.

I would fucking season my food if I knew how to use spices.

[mariacallous]

If you’re a fan of Jewish delis that serve breakfast, then you likely have a soft spot for the LEO. No, we’re not talking about your uncle; we’re talking about the classic zhuzhed-up scramble made with lox, eggs and onion that’s a staple everywhere from Russ & Daughters in New York, to Kenny and Ziggy’s in Texas, to Wise Sons in California. 

The LEO is an ode to the building blocks of Jewish American Ashkenazi food. While you might think of lox as an ancient Ashkenazi food, salmon wasn’t actually a common ingredient in Eastern European cuisine. When Jews immigrated to the United States in the early 20th century it coincided with a time when salmon was being amply shipped from the West Coast. Salmon is clearly ideal for smoking and curing with its fattiness and subtle flavor, and lox quickly became a favored deli staple. 

As for onions – caramelized ones are an essential, and make for an inexpensive way to add a big depth of flavor to a wide range of dishes. Think: bialys and chopped liver. My grandmother seemed to constantly be standing over a stove stirring onions in a skillet until golden brown, and then adding them to just about every savory dish she made. That said, the shade of your LEO onions are a personal preference; if you like them on the paler side, simply sauté them for less time. Buttery eggs bring everything together with their rich, intrinsically dairy-free, hearty friendliness. A final garnish of chives or dill adds a touch of freshness.

The LEO is always a nostalgic, satisfying breakfast, no bagel required (but absolutely welcome on the side). This recipe comes together in under half an hour and can be doubled as needed. For that reason, I love serving this to friends and family as an easy, flavor-filled brunch. 

[ontologicalmoki]

 @clawedandcute​ I found it! 

It started with this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32049478 In which some Tatooine cuisine is described. 

Then @clarabrighet and @lurking-latinist helped me or at least listened to me ramble about more tatooine food items based on the selection described in that fic. The list is based on the one tatooine food we do know about, blue milk, the fact that Anakin eats bugs and must have learnt that from somewhere, and what I already know about desert cultures’ cuisine. Boba Fett hadn’t come out yet. Here:

Grape mellons - watery, not very sweet

Jawa berries - small, very sour berries that grow in rocky places

desert soy - not actually a bean but a soft nut that grows on bushes

barley - the one staple crop that grows, but its more like buckwheat than a cereal. 

Yellow pepper - from the seeds of a scrubby plant

Desert pear - sweet tree fruit with a short season, has a rigid exterior that has to be cracked.

crumbleroot - the starchy root of a thorny plant which, as may be indicated by the name, is really hard to harvest. by the time you dig it up and wash the dirt off it will be broken into a hundred little pea-sized chunks. Kinda sweet like jicama, kinda spicy like radish. 

citron - a short, herby plant with a heavy root ball that when cracked has a sour flesh inside with a high water content.

mango - actually more like a giant snap pea (or an ice cream bean if you know what that is). hard exterior and with hard, fatty fruits on the inside.

And of course, blue milk and bantha meat.

Food items:

Curried blue beans (made with desert soy, blue milk, and sand pear) served with fried raptor egg

Little candies made of spicy bean paste and shaped like Jabba the Hutt

Bantha steak strips, seasoned with pepper and sweet bark, with blue cheese and citron slices, served over steamed crumbleroot

Little cakes of mashed crumbleroot, sage, sweet bark, bantha meat, and Jawa berry, all wrapped in a mango leaf and baked

Dune worm stew, mostly dune worms and just a little gelatinous broth, with sage, citron leaf, yellow pepper, barley, and melon chunks. (Dune worms are hard to cook and fragile and so have a narrow range of uses. They are however abundant).

Skewered sand hopper, broiled and served with roasted grape melon and desert pear and dusted with yellow pepper

Jawa Berry pie, which is actually more of a Jawa berry, sage, sweet bark, bantha bacon, and barley scramble, baked in a tin without a crust, served with blue cream and honey on top

Desert soy and grape Mellon curry, served with fried egg and bright yellow with how much pepper is in it.

Egg wraps, where you fry an egg into like a tortilla and wrap stuff in it. Popular fillings are bantha meat, yellow pepper, refried soy beans, citron (often mashed up with sage and crumbleroot into a sauce), Jawa berry jelly (a powerfully sour substance to be used sparingly), desert pear, blue cheese, and yet more egg

Boiled barley sautéed in butter with crumbleroot, sage, sweet bark, and bantha bacon (or beetles).

Cubed bantha meat, marinated in pepper, sweet bark, and citron, scrambled with crumbleroot, raptor egg, and desert pear, and simmered in blue milk

Hard candy made of Jawa berry jam and honey

Citron pie, which is a glassy citron, honey, and sage marmalade (swirled with Jawa berry jam if you feel fancy) in a crispy barley crust, drizzled with a grape melon wine reduction, decorated with sage blossoms

Blue milk custard, served on a fried desert soy patty, with honey grape melon sauce, dusted with powdered sweet bark.

Just a soy patty fried in butter and smeared with either Jawa berry jam or citron marmalade. At its highest form it’s served with fresh blue cheese and citron leaves

Hutt candies but collectible, in different colors and looking like different members of the hutt family. (There’s a popular childrens game that involves passing them around a circle quickly so as not to be the last one in the middle, whose hutt gets smashed with a plate and eaten. Bean paste is very satisfying to smash)

A bean paste ball with a candied beetle in the middle, rolled in crystallised honey

[soap4brain]

i wanted to share what i made for dinner tonight

soya udon with steak swordfish sauté with mushrooms, shallots, and topped with black caviar.

i’ve had normal caviar but this was my first time trying black caviar. it was rlly yummy, and salty.

i went to a bakery by my work this afternoon; they had apple and cheese bread, IT WAS BOMBED ASF! sooo i made some sandwiches :)

i used a fig bread spread, tomatoes, arugulas, prosciutto, and brussels sprouts.

the other one i prepared with black cherry goat cheese spread, scrambled eggs, brussels sprouts, and black caviar.

Making food for my friends is one of my favourite love languages. i think this came from my parents; that was really the only way they knew how to say i love you.

cooking for others is fun and easy, but sometimes it’s hard to cook for myself.

i’m gonna try to have fun and experiment with the dishes i make.

i enjoy self care, and self love. i deserve nourishment and good food :3

YOOOOMMM YOOOMMM YOOOMMMM

[sergeantsporks]

Dadrius Week 2022 Chapter 4: Free Space

“How do you know how to do that?”

Darius paused, halfway through shaking spice into a bowl of griffin eggs. Hunter was perched on a bar stool at the counter, watching him. “Do what?”

“Just… dump stuff in a bowl and make a meal. I mean, you don’t have a recipe out. And even if you had it memorized, you’re not measuring.”

Darius rolled the spice jar in his hand. “Cooking isn’t an exact science. That’s what baking is for. Cooking, once you get a few basics down, is something you can change. Play around with. It’s as versatile as abomination magic.”

Hunter made an ‘ick’ face. “You don’t, uhhhhh… put abomination in there, do you?”

“No, I don’t put abomination matter in there. It’s a metaphor. Look, come here.”

Hunter slid off of the barstool and stood at his side, peering at the bowl.

“Right now, I’m making scrambled griffin eggs. One egg for every two people. There’s a splash of milk in there—I don’t know the exact amount, I just know that when I whisk it together, it should turn this shade of yellow, approximately. If it’s a little darker or a little lighter, it doesn’t matter, it’ll still turn out well. Salt and pepper are a must, just a dash, I already added it in. After that, I can do whatever I want with it. Some things will taste better than others in there, but experimentation is part of it.” He tossed Hunter the spice jar in his hand, and the teen caught it with a slight fumbling.

“Charlic Powder?”

“Gives it a bit of a kick. Don’t let the name fool you, it doesn’t make it horribly spicy, just adds some flavor. It goes well in almost anything. Again, just a dash.” Darius turned the stove on medium heat and poured just a little grease in it, swirling it around in the pan. “Grease keeps the eggs from sticking to the pan,” he explained, “Most things you cook on the stove require medium heat, unless you’re trying to boil something. If I really wanted to get fancy, I’d sauté some vegetables first to mix in with the eggs, or fold cheese in later in the cooking.” Darius poured the eggs into the pan, pushing at them with a wooden spoon. “For now, I’ll just wait for the eggs to start cooking, then break them apart as they do so that they scramble.” He offered the spoon to Hunter. “You want to give it a go? I’m going to go get ready for the morning.”

Hunter took the spoon like it was a poisonous snake, poking at the eggs.

I’m sure it’s fine.

Darius traipsed up the stairs, changing out of his pajamas, washing his face, moisturizing, and bewitching his hair to its usual bun-like appearance. He sniffed the air.

Is something…

Oh, no.

He poked his head in the kitchen. Hunter was still at the stove, a pan of eggs on medium heat. They were still liquid. Darius glanced at the sweat beading Hunter’s forehead, then at the pillar of smoke coming from the sink. Then back to Hunter.

“You burned them, di—”

“I burned them,” Hunter confirmed, “I’m sorry, Darius, I thought if I turned up the heat, they’d cook faster, but I just messed them up, I’m making new ones, I swear I put all the right stuff in there, and I’ll wash the other pan and get all of the charred bits off—”

“Hunter, slow down. Hey. That’s pretty much the most basic, regular mistake you can make in cooking. Things have an assigned heat for a reason, turning up the heat usually results in burning, or cooking the outside but not the inside.” Darius grabbed a towel, wrapping it around the handle of the smoking pan and filling the pan with water and a dash of soap. “Dish cleaning 101? We’re going to let this soak before you try to clean it, alright? It’ll make getting the burned parts off easier.”

“Sorry,” Hunter mumbled again.

“At least you didn’t set off the fire alarm, right.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Not really. Mildly irritated at most. Hey, you started a new batch of eggs, on your own, good for you. Looks like you were paying attention to most of what I said.”

Hunter flushed. “Sorry.”

“Quit saying that. Once was enough to get the point.”

Hunter flinched. “S—I mean, okay. Okay. I’ll stop.”

Darius sighed. Always harder than it needed to be with him, wasn’t it? He’d known it would be getting into this, though. “I’m not angry,” he repeated.

“I know.”

One eyebrow quirked up. “Do you?”

Hunter shrugged, silently tending the eggs. Darius was pleased to note the way he broke them apart with quick, purposeful movements, pushing them around so that they couldn’t congeal into a whole again. “You’re good at that.”

“Sure, says the burnt pan in the sink.”

“Mistakes are how we learn, Little Prince. And from now on, I think you’ll follow the specified heats of recipes?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“So it was a mistake worth making. I think we’ll both survive the extra five minutes added to our breakfast wait time.” Darius leaned against the counter at a disgruntled howl from Eber. “Don’t listen to him, he’s exaggerating.”

A smile flickered across Hunter’s face. “Are you sure? Sounds like he’s dying.”

“He can go outside and catch his own breakfast if he is,” Darius replied serenely, “You keep up what you’re doing.”

“Not burning another pan just to try and feed Eber faster.”

“Exactly.”

[the-alpine-glow]

Scrambled Eggs with Chorizo, Sautéed Onion, and Paprika

Ingredients: 3 Eggs, 1 pinch of Kosher Salt, 1/4tsp Garlic Powder, Heaping 1/4tsp of Paprika, 1/2 Small Yellow Onion Chopped, Some Chopped Chorizo Salami (i didn’t measure how much i used), 3ish tbsp Olive Oil.

1. Whisk the Eggs and Salt in a small bowl

2. let sit for ~15 minutes

3. Heat the Olive Oil in a pan for 1-2 minutes

4. Toss in the Chopped Onion and sauté until golden (add more olive oil if necessary)

5. Stir the Onion into a pile on the center of your pan

6. Add the spices.

7. Stir until fragrant, about 30 seconds

8. Add the Chorizo

9. Cook for about 45 seconds to a minute

10. Add the Egg

11. Cook, stirring constantly, until the eggs reach your desired consistency

12. Top with some salt, pepper, and sprinkled paprika

13. Enjoy