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annabelinlove · 4 months

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“How long has it been since you’ve slept?”

I turn my face from the fire and look at the person who just sat next to me. Sirius Black looks at me with tired eyes, cigarette that’s waiting to be lit in his hand. I blink a few times to focus before answering.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, trying to sound awake, but judging from his face, I know I’m not doing a good job.

“You know what I’m talking about, pet. I am with you the whole day, if not me then Prongs or Moony, right until we’re tired and go to our room. When I can’t sleep, or wake up feeling restless, I come here to have a smoke and guess what. You’re here. Every single time. Reading, or writing or just staring at nothing like you were doing just now. We talk and then I go back to my dorm to go back to sleep, but I never see you leave. And every morning before class, you’re already here, prepared and everything. So tell me, darling. When was the last time you’ve slept?”

I stare at him with open mouth. I never knew he noticed these things, or actually thought about them. He’s looking at me with concern written all over his beautiful face. His frown forms wrinkles between his eyebrows and I wanna kiss them away. But you’re best friends, you can’t screams the voice in my head and I’m glad that my brain is working even without sleep. I want to open my mouth and answer him, but I have no idea what to say, so I just stare at him.

“C’mon, you know you can tell me anything. I’m your best friend, we’re supposed to tell each other when something is bothering us, so the other one can help. That’s what we’re here for.” he urges, desperation in his voice. His eyes are boring into mine, like he’s trying to read my mind, but I can’t help him do that.

“So that’s all I’m good for? Am I just a problem solver for you?” I tease him, trying to avert his attention from the topic. One side of his mouth twists, and I’m glad it amused him at least a little bit.

“You’re so much more than that to me, love.” Sirius promises, his features softening. He grabs my hand and his warmth seeps into me. “You are everything to me, so please, please tell me what’s bothering you. Why don’t you ever sleep?”

“Nothing, I’m just not tired.” I say nonchalantly, hoping that I sound convincing. He lifts one of his eyebrows and gives me an unimpressed look.

“Yeah, right. The circle under your eyes are so dark, I’d think you were a raccoon if I didn’t know any better, pet.” he jokes, but his eyes don’t hold any amusement, just pure concern. I sigh and look at our joined hands, my fingers toying with his rings. I open my mouth to say something but he interrupts me.

“I swear, if you’re gonna ask me why I’m wearing my rings now, I’m gonna strangle you.” he threatens, and I smile for the first time tonight, because it warms my heart that he knew I was gonna ask that. He knows me too well, it’s scary sometimes.

“I don’t wanna sleep.” I murmur, hoping he can’t hear me, but from the way he squeezes my hand, I know he did.

“Why don’t you wanna sleep, darling?” he asks gently. I shrug my shoulders, but he’s patiently waiting for my answer.

“Because I think a lot. And my mind goes to places I dont want it to go. I think about everything, the school, the future, us. And once I start, I can’t stop, until I fall asleep. But when I do, the nightmares begin. They’re horrible Siri.” my voice breaks and I try to take a deep breath, but fail. “I’m always alone in the dark, but I can feel I’m not alone, you know? Like the feeling you get when someone is watching you. And then, out of nowhere, someone just appears right in front of me. It’s either you, Jamie, Remmy, Marls or just anyone I like, but..B-but they’re dead, they’re always dead and staring at me with huge, lifeless eyes. And I try to move, to help them or run away, just to do something, but I can’t. It’s like I’m frozen in place. And then I hear voices, yelling at me that it’s my fault they’re dead or asking me to help or just telling me how worthless I am. And I can never wake up. No matter how much I try, to just wake up, I can’t. I keep telling myself that it’s not real, you are all okay and its just my imagination, but the longer it lasts, the realer it is and I can’t wake up and it’s terrible and it’s killing me and I don’t wanna sleep ever again because..” Sirius hugs me close to his body shushing me softly, stopping my rumbling. I didn’t even realize I was crying until I can feel the wet patch I formed on Sirius’ shoulder. I hiccup loudly, trying to keep my breathing calm, but failing once again.

“Shh, it’s okay love. Try to breathe. I’m here darling, don’t worry. I’m here with you and I’m not going anywhere. Just beathe, my love.” He murmurs into my ear, rocking us lightly. One of his hand if tightly wrapped around my back, drawing small circles, while the other one is in my head, protectively holding my head to his shoulder. I listen to his soft words, breathing in his cologne and trying to stop shaking. We stay like this for Merlin know how long, but he doesn’t stop whispering sweet nothings and rocking us lightly even after my breathing is regular and I’m no longer shaking. He squeezes me one last time, before slowly pulling away, yet his hands never leave my body. I’m basically sitting in his lap, but neither of us seem to mind.

“I’m so sorry, darling, I had no idea. I’m so fucking sorry..” he apologizes, but I interrupt him before he can say more.

“It’s not your fault, Siri. You couldn’t have known, because I never told you. I didn’t want you to worry.” I try to reassure him, hating that desperate look on his face, but he just shakes his head, and places his hands on my cheeks, his cold rings soothing my hot skin.

“I should have asked sooner, I knew something was wrong, but I decided to let it be and that’s on me, but I promise I’m never gonna do it again. I’m so sorry I’ve let you suffer alone for so long, my love. It’s never gonna happen again, I promise. You’re never leaving my side again. You’ll sleep in our dorm from now on. Company could help you, and you’re gonna try some of Remus’ tea, he hides under his bed and even if that’s not gonna work, we’ll go to Madam Pomfreys. You’re not in this alone okay? You have me and you always will, I’m not going anywhere and I won’t stop, until you get the rest you need and deserve okay?” he promises and I believe him. The look in his eyes is determined and I know that when he sets his mind on something, he doesn’t stop, until he achieves whatever it is he wants. I smile at him and nod, not being able to say anything. But Sirius doesn’t mind, he closes the distance between us, and gently kisses my forehead, the kiss lingering longer than usual and butterflies inside me are awakened. He leans back with me still in his arms and lays comfortably on the sofa. I set my head on his chest, and close my eyes listening to his heartbeat.

“You’re gonna get through this, I promise. I love so fucking much, more that you know, my love.” These are the last words I hear before drifting into sleep for the fist time in what feels like millennia.

And who knows, maybe one day I’ll share my secret about how I feel about him. And something about the way he holds me right now and his words tell me, that he will be glad I share another secret with him.

#sirius orion black #sirius black x reader #Sirius black fluff #Sirius black angst #sirius x reader #sirius x you #Sirius black x you #Sirius being sweet #I dont know how to tag #marauders era #the marauders #harry potter #marauders #marauders fluff

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captain-lessship · 1 year

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Toffee Pt.2: War Time

a/n: this chapter contains smut. Beware. Somehow tho it is important to the story. But if you don’t want to read that part: allow me to paraphrase in a way anyone can understand:

Snape, having to stay with his true love while she is married to James, is about to have a baby and is in the next room over from the other pair of lovers: I am in misery... There ain't nobody who can comfort me...

Remus and You: I save dick by giving it CPR! Let's make porn and watch it on VCR!~

Death Eaters coming to attack after breakfast: REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS EAT 'EM UP EAT 'EM UP EAT 'EM UP

You were running as fast as you could, pine tree limbs hitting you across the face. You had to stop since it felt like you were bound to collapse, "Asencido!" you said as you were lifted up into the trees. You grabbed onto one of the limbs before steadying yourself.

"Come down, lovely... We just have a few questions." One of the Death Eaters called to you. You tried to steady your breath as you realized you very well could die if this went poorly. You were about to aim down the tree when you heard a booming voice ring out.

"Confringo!"

Fire blasted out and let a loud hiss out of the wand of whoever cast it. You heard screams and thuds as two black smoky stripes flew up and out to the night sky. You breathed heavily.

"What does a Christmas tree wear?"

You smiled as you began to climb down, you turned to look at two very familiar faces. You felt as if you were about to cry. It had been a rough year and you didn't know if they were dead or imprisoned. "A skirt." you answered. You ran to Remus and hugged him. He hugged you back as you began to cry. You pulled away from his shoulder to grab his face and you began kissing it.

"Uhh..." the tall man in purplish robes felt like he was intruding. You looked at him, tears drying on your face.

"Kingsley!"

He opened his arms when you came in for a hug. "What on earth were they chasing you for."

You pulled away and grinned, you reached into your pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. You handed it to him. "Some people have a lot of explaining to do, huh?"

Remus grabbed your hand, "Well, back to the old office?" he asked. Kingsley shook his head. You were confused until you were apparated outside of a weird-looking house. You were so happy though: A hot shower, a warm bed, and a roof that wasn't leaking. You walked with Remus and Kingsley to the door before Remus opened it to let you both in. You almost cried when you saw the sight before you: Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, Lily Potter, Severus Snape, and Albus Dumbledore.

You burst into tears when Lily jumped up to hug you. It had been so long. You had missed so much. You looked at the almost twenty-year-old woman and you couldn't help but cry out of envy and guilt. You looked at James, who had now stood up. He smiled at you and hugged you. Sirius Black's eyes were a little wet when he joined the group hug. Peter joined in with a 'Missed you, happy you're back.' The group hug faded and you looked at Snape.

"You best give me a damn hug even though I smell like a swamp rat." You joked. He reluctantly hugged you.

You looked at Dumbledore who smiled, "We have much to talk about."

"Damn right we do!" you said, "You said three months. It's been almost two years."

Remus held your shoulder, "Another time. Something else..."

You looked at him, confused.

"Lily," he said, "Has some important news."

You looked at her and that's when you noticed. She was sitting next to a book that read "What to Expect When You Are Expecting.", cards that said congratulations and she seemed bigger than the last time you'd seen her. You had noticed the last part first when she hugged but you didn't want to be rude. It clicked and you let out a happy squeal. "Lily! Oh my god! Is it a boy or girl?"

"A boy," she said, lightly laughing.

You held her hand as you beamed at her, tears coming back to your eyes. It was a wonderful thing for Lily had always wanted to be a mother.

"There's a problem," James said. You looked at Lily.

"Is he..."

"He is fine but we need a place to hide."

You placed your hand on your heart. That couldn't be good. "Where?"

"Godric's Hollow, we'll go right after Harry is born. I hate to be... Rude but that's one reason we brought you."

You felt a sting but it was for the greater good. "Midwife, at your service." you smiled. "When is he due?"

"July."

It was late May. "Alright. I will help you and I will defend you and little Harry to the death."

"That's why you're the godmother."

You gasped and smiled, "Really?"

"And I'm the godfather," Sirius said.

"Oh god, you'll kill it," you said, joking.

"Hey! I can take care of a baby."

"You are a baby." Remus joined in.

You all had a few laughs.

"I see this is settled. We will stay for the night and leave during the early morning hours one at a time." Kingsley said. "But I have a few other things to manage. Albus and I will be leaving within the hour. Please get rest and you," he looked at you, "Shower. You reek of dog and mud."

Laughter erupted as you huffed. You walked up the stairs to the bathroom, bag and wand in tow. You washed your hair with your shampoo and pulled out several sticks, leaves, and one or two bugs. You hated the damn woods. You scrubbed yourself clean of all the mud and dirt til your skin was almost raw. You got out of the shower to see two beautifully plush towels on the sink, Remus's sweater and pair of flowy pants that appeared to be washed and cleaned, and a note.

"You need a little pampering. The towels are for you, fresh from the dryer and the outfit is clean and I am going to wash all your clothes in the morning -R"

You smiled as you grabbed the towels, dried yourself off, and put your hair up in one. You placed the other one in the hamper before getting dressed and digging in your bag for a toothbrush and hairbrush. You brushed your teeth and sat the damp brush on the tiny rack you then stepped out and walked to the stairwell to see Sirius sprawled out on the couch and James sitting in his recliner. You were about to say something when you felt an arm snake around your waist and a head placed on your shoulder.

"Missed you." He whispered.

You sighed, "Missed you more."

"Let's go to bed." He nuzzled into your neck, while the offer was tempting.

"I need to check on Lily."

"She's a grown woman."

You tilted your head to look at him, "She and that baby are my responsibility now."

He sighed as he spun you to face him, "She's on the first floor, with the door wide open and two of the best wizards listening and watching over her."

"It's a woman thing."

Remus rolled his eyes as he let you go. You kissed his cheek as you walked down the stairs and looked into the room with the open door. Yeah, those two were totally watching her. She was trying to close the window to no avail. You walked her and gently grabbed her hand, "Lily, I got this. Go lay down."

She huffed, "I am pregnant, not elderly!"

"I know, I know but you know as well as I do that'd I'd do this regardless."

She rolled her eyes as she walked back to bed, she crawled into it and folded the sheets over her before turning on her side. You shut the window and locked it, "Do you need anything else?"

"Water?"

You smiled and shook your head, you walked to the kitchen and grabbed a cup. You got a few ice cubes and filled it up with water, on your way you stopped.

"James, go to bed, it's almost ten. Siri-" A loud snore interrupted you, and you sighed. "Keep up the good work."

James stood up and walked to you, "Be honest."

"Always am."

"Am I ready for this?"

"Oh hell no," you said, placing your hand on your hip. "But then again, no one really is. Every parent and child are different." You handed him the glass. "All that matters is that you are there. Every day, Every moment, every chance. You have to be there."

He shook his head, "Thanks." he lifted it up.

"That's for her, you idiot."

You walked up the stairs to the second door and opened it. You walked in to see Remus sitting on the side of the bed, facing away from the door. You pulled the towel off your head and hung it on the back of a chair. You grabbed the hair brush from your pocket and began brushing your hair as you walked to the bed. You slid your knees on the bed and sat down the hairbrush as you looped your arms under his and leaned to his shoulder so you could rest your head.

"How is she?"

"Sleepy, happy, and hydrated," you responded.

He turned to look at you and you stared back into his beautiful honey eyes that glowed in the barely lit room. He placed his hand on the side of your face and leaned in. He gently kissed your lips and you returned the kiss. After a moment, he pulled away, hand still on your face, "You're beautiful."

You blushed and smiled, "Rem, let's go to bed. You look tired."

He shook his head as he got up and walked to turn off the light switch, you moved to the right side of the bed and folded back the sheets so you could lay under them. Remus walked back to the bed and crawled in beside you. You were turned facing the window, he was right behind you, head in the crook of your neck.

"Babe?"

"Yes?"

"I missed you."

"You told me."

"You still love me, right?"

"Forever."

He placed a gentle kiss on your neck, "Forever is a very long time."

"I know. It's a good thing." You said, eyes filling with sleep. He placed a few more kisses, going down your neck to where the sweater was blocking him, He reached up a hand to gently move it down your shoulder. You breathed out lightly.

"No hickies."

"They won't care. They know."

You laughed lightly, "That's... Not the point."

"Do you want me to stop?" he whispered in your ear.

"I didn't say that either." You flipped over to face him but before you could finish your remark he pulled you into a kiss. It quickly turned heated as he nipped at your bottom lip, making you open your mouth, he slipped his tongue in your mouth as you both slowly started to grind up against each other. You pulled away.

"Remus..."

"No, shh. They're asleep, they won't hear us."

You shook your head, "No I- Can we go faster?"

His eyes glinted, "Oh." he said, more seductively than he should've. He flipped back the sheets and stood on his knees as you slid to be fully on your back. He slowly unbuttoned his pajama shirt and flung it to god knows where in the dark room. The only light was the moonlight, it glowed around him, outlining his features in silver light. You sat up and he took his hands and ran them up your shirt to gently pull it off you. He took a moment to look at you. You also looked stunning in the moonlight. He leaned in to kiss you and you roped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. As always, he left you breathless as you laid back. He kissed your neck, nipping and sucking ever so often. It made your breathing uneven. It had been a long time since you and he had done this last. Since you were both extremely faithful neither of you had pleasured themselves, done this with other people, or even thought about it with anyone else or on your own. Two years of pent of friction were about to let loose.

He kissed all the way down til he reach your pant line, he looked up at you. You lifted up your hips and he jerked your pants down and off, he continue kissing as he then looped his finger around your panties, he removed those but he wanted to look cool so he swung them around his finger before flinging them away like his shirt. You sighed and rolled your eyes as you sat up on your arms. Remus looked up at you as he continued kissing down your thighs, your hand slipped to his hair, lightly tugging with impatience. He lightly laughed as he finally caved to your silent demands, he slowly licked a stripe up your slit, it made you lightly shiver.

He licked your folds a few more times before moving to your clit, he also slowly moved a finger up to stretch you. You pulled his hair tighter as he started to speed up. He was having the time of his life as he licked and sucked, making you lightly moan. He had thought about this ever since you got given the assignment to watch a camp of Death Eaters. He missed you and doing this with you. He could barely wait so he decided to stop, which drew a whine from you.

You were about to protest until you saw him pulling at his pants, tugging them off as quickly as he could. You went to help but he grabbed your hand. He looked up at you with lust-blown eyes. "Let me do the work tonight." He let your hands drop as he moved to place a kiss on your lips. He kissed you hard and rough as he finally kicked off his pants. He released the kiss so he could grip your thighs and slowly move you closer to him. You breathed heavily, watching him with expecting eyes, you slid your hands down his back, lightly tickling him.

He slowly pushed in, eliciting a moan from you, he gave you a minute until he started moving. In fluid motions, he dragged in and out at a pace that was becoming too slow for you, you bucked your hips, a sign for him to speed up. He slowly increased the pace, the headboard was hitting against the wall, denoting any squelched and heavy breathing .

"F-Fuck! Harder!" you called out, louder than you intended. He looked down at you.

"Shh.. They'll hear."

You wanted to scoff but he sped up and started going deeper. You choked on your moan and he lightly laughed. You were clawing at his back and shoulders, turning to hold yourself together. You reached one hand up into his hair and pulled and he let out a moan louder than yours. You smiled at two things: your retaliation and the fact that Remus was reaching for the headboard. You watched as his hand splayed out to steady himself. But then you remembered who was in the next room over, you were about to object when Remus slammed into you, taking your breath away. He continued fucking you until you started grabbing at his arm, preparing yourself and squeezing him.

"Re- Please. Please. Please." you let out a chorus, keeping tune this the bed lightly banging on the wall. He continued until you let you one last loud, guttural moan that could have been mistaken for a scream, out. He pulled out just as he came, staining the yellow sheets white. You both breathed heavily, eyes hooded with exhaustion.

"We have to clean this up," Remus said, interrupting the peace while reaching for his wand. You sat up and stumbled to the wash basin, you looked at Remus and motioned for your wand. He tossed it to you. You swished the wand, making water come out to fill the basin, you grabbed one of the washcloths and dipped it in the water. You cleaned yourself first, getting in all the places that would become sweaty or sticky. After you were done, you dumped the water out the window, grabbed a new washcloth for Remus, and refilled the water. You carried it over to the bed and reached your hand to the cloth, wrung it out, and slowly wiped Remus's back, where the marks left by your nails were turning red.

"Sorry about those," you whispered. A gentle, lovey air had fallen over the room. He turned his head to look at you.

"It's alright, I take them as a compliment," he said, reaching to take the cloth from you. You smiled as you looked at his back: your nail marks, the scars he'd collected, and his beauty marks that made his own personal constellation. You slowly connected them by tracing lines with your finger. When he was done with the washcloth, he handed it to you as you stood up and walked to dump this round of water out the window. He watched you walk, admiring you. You turned and saw him staring holes through you. You blushed as you walked back to bed, laying down beside him. You were both too tired to change back into your pajamas so you two gently touched each other's bare skin until you drifted off to sleep. Remus stayed awake for a moment longer, feeling your warmth as sleep invaded his mind.

"I love you," he said, just barely a whisper.

Remus felt a chill go across his shoulders, they woke up and scanned the room to see the window was cracked. He lightly sighed as he looked over to see you still sleeping. He watched your body rise and fall with every breath, stuttering ever so often, you were gently snoring. He brushed a few strands of your hair out of your face as he looked at your peaceful sleeping face, he was thinking about all the things you must've gone through. He wasn't there to protect you but he was now and he swore he was never going to let anything hurt you. He turned his head back to the window, the sun was barely up, he could get some more sleep or he could gently wake you so you two could make breakfast together. He decided to do that. He gently dragged his fingers across your cheek, down your back, and on your shoulder, whispering your name. Your eyes fluttered open, sleep stained and glossed over, you smiled when you saw his face, your own hand came up to graze across it. He grasped your hand as he sat up.

"It's early," he said, voice calm and quiet. "Wanna make breakfast?"

You sighed, eyes threatening to close, "Yeah yeah... Hand me my pants and your shirt."

"My shirt?"

You sat up on your free arm, "Yeah, that's what you get for waking me up."

He shook his head as he stood up, grabbed his own change of clothes, and tossed you his shirt. You slid it on your arms and began to button it up, it smelled like him. Old books, ink, coffee and chocolate. You looked up at him as he was about to slip on a new shirt, you let out a whistle, making him look at you. He flung a pair of shorts he'd dug out of your bag at you. You slipped them on. You both quietly walked the stairs and to the kitchen, trying not to wake anyone just yet. You walked to the fridge, looking for milk, eggs, cream, and butter while Remus found a pan, opened the bread box, and lit the gas stove.

"Put on a pot of coffee," you said, quietly. He grabbed the kettle and put it on the eye, he then walked to you and let his hand rest on your hips while the other reached for the oatmeal. You smiled as you cracked the eggs into a bowl.

"Sweetheart, where's the-Oh." he handed you a whisk, "Thank you, could you put on a pan for the eggs? Add some butter to it."

"Sure, I'll cook them, you always burn them." he said, you looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

You whisked up the eggs and added some milk, salt, and pepper. You handed the bowl to Remus who poured them into a hot pan. You grabbed the kettle when it began to squeal. You poured the scalding water into the french press where Remus had put the coffee grounds and let it steep. You went back to the fridge and dug around til you found some lemons and a melon.

"Some fresh fruit would be nice." Remus said when he looked at what you had pulled from the fridge. You pulled out your wand and flicked it to cut the melon to save some time, you put the cut cubes into a bowl to which you cut the lemon and squeezed the juice into. You ate a piece, enjoying the taste, you picked up another piece and walked to Remus. You tapped on his shoulder and he looked at you, saw what you had and opened his mouth. You both ate some of it until you heard footsteps to the kitchen, you both looked up to see a chipper Sirius Black. He looked at you both, smiling a mischievous grin. Shit.

"Enjoyed yourselves?" he asked. You turned bright red and Remus began choking on the melon in his mouth. Sirius looked between the two of you before walking to the bowl and grabbing himself a piece. "Poor Severus. He must've gotten a worse earful."

Speaking of him, Severus stumbled down the stairs and rounded into the kitchen where he looked at you three before looking at the pot of coffee. He walked to it, grabbed a cup from the mug rack.

"Sev-"

"Not a word."

He took a sip of his coffee, looking at Remus, then to you.

"So... how'd you sleep?" Remus asked. Sour expression undying on Snape's face.

"Perfectly. Fine." he bit out.

You were about to say something when Sirius held up a hand, silencing the group. He looked up to the ceiling. Footsteps. You four slowly drew your wands. You wait a minute before you heard a crash, you grabbed Remus and Sirius grabbed Snape as the roof collapsed. You flicked your wand, creating a smoke screen. You all had prepared for this. You ran to James and Lily's room, fling the door open and slamming it shut behind you. You looked at the Potters, who had woken up from the crash.

"James! Get her out of here!" You shouted as you heard slamming and spells being cast outside the door. "Anywhere but here!" He shook his hand as he grabbed the emergency bag and then his wife. They apparated away as soon as the door blew in, with your wand drawn, you swung it toward the opponent, white sparks flying out.

You dodged a spell, you yelled "Ventus Duo!" you yelled, a strong wind coming from you wand, you walked forward, repelling them back. "Petrificious Totalus!" your target stiffened up and fell to the ground. You ran back to the kitchen to see Snape and Sirius dealing some serious damage to the Death Eaters. You looked for Remus and saw him on the floor, you ran to him, and you held his head as he blinked rapidly.

"Where.. am I?" he asked. He'd been knocked silly.

You looked at Sirius, "Sirius! We need to get out of here!"

He looked at you, deflecting a spell. "Aright alright, lemme think." something clicked behind his eyes as he twirled his wand around in a circle, "Protego Diabolica!" he yelled, making a ring of black fire appear around the group. You grabbed a hold of Severus and Remus as Sirrus grabbed you and you apparated away from the house.

What rude interuptions.

Remus shook from the wind, it was a horrible night. He hurried up the path, following slightly behind you when you lifted a hand to stop him. He looked at you, words about to come out and say how he just wanted to go in already and how it was cold but they were stalled. The gate open, The door open, and the faint cries of a baby. You broke into a sprint, Remus following behind you. Remus got to the door, wand drawn, you followed right behind him and gasped at what you saw.

The lamp was broken, the furniture was ajar, and James.

James Potter.

Unblinking.

Smile gone.

Deathly Pale.

Glassed over eye staring off, faint with tears.

You covered your mouth but then you heard Harry cry, you ran up the stairs, worried about him, you ran to his nursey, hoping he wasn't hurt. You opened the door, hitting a fallen table. Inside you saw Snape, instantly you drew your wand and pointed at him but you let it fall to your side when you saw what he was doing. He was holding her, rocking as he wept. You began to cry as you walked to Harry and picked him up. You looked him over, only seeing a scar on his forehead. You kissed it and looked at Snape.

"Sev... We need to get Albus."

He stilled and looked at you, shaking his head. He gently laid Lily back down. Her eyes were closed, her face growing pale. You turned Harry away from her. "Shh... Auntie is here. Shh." you cooed, trying to calm him as you walked down the stairs, Severus following behind you. You Saw Remus just staring down at his friend, a million thoughts going on behind his tear-filled eyes. You brought a hand to his shoulder, trying to comfort him. He just walked away and out the door, you followed, wondering what he was doing. He rose his wand to the sky and slowly, white sparks flew out of the tip, lighting up the sky. The distress signal.

After a few hours, Kingsley, Arthur and Molly Weasley appeared. Severus calmly told them what had happened. You rocked Harry as you heard what he said. Tears rolled down everyone's faces. You slowly slipped your hand into Remus's, he held it tightly as turned to take Harry from you. You were confused and pulled back.

"Give him to me."

"Why? He's sleeping now. You'll wake him."

Kingsley spoke for Remus, "hagrid is going to take Harry to Albus, he'll give them to Harry's new family."

You were highly offended at that statement, "What does that old man know about family! Harry is my godson! We can take care of him! Can't we Remus?" you said, looking at him. Remus just looked at you with sad eyes, it clicked instantly. This had been the plan all along, you started to cry harder. Remus pried Harry from you, you would never forgive him for this. Molly walked to you, hugging you as you and she walked to the flying car she and her husband, Arthur had arrived in.

"We are going to head to the Burrow, dear. It'll be okay." she said as Arthur opened the car door for you. You slid in and curled into yourself, finally letting the loud cries out. Molly sat in the back with you, slowly rubbing your back, comforting you.

Remus looked as the taillight of the car faded into the night sky. He looked down at Harry, who was now awake, and looking up at him, he saw Lily's eyes looking back. Kingsley walked up to him. Looking at the baby, he spoke.

"He'll be here any minute."

"Is this really for the best?"

"Yes. he needs to be with blood family. I don't doubt her or your parenting abilities, rather, if it were up to me, you would be needing to babyproof your house."

Remus looked at the little boy again, he was just staring up, watching and listening. "We're going to miss so much. 11 years til she'll see him again, do you think he'll recognize her?" that was a silly question.

"I don't know." Kingsley said, reaching his hand to hold Harry's. A loud horn and a single headlight interrupted the moment. They looked up to see a motorbike. Sirius was in the side car while Hagrid was driving. With a slightly bumpy landing, they slid to a stop in front of the three men. Sirius got out of the sidecar and ran to Remus.

"Is he alright?" he looked around for you, then remembered the plan.

"He look al'ight, but that'll scar, won't it? " Hargird said, pointing at the cut.

Sirius brushed the wisps of Harry's hair to see it clearer. "I think so but I hope not. Hagrid."

Hagrid held out his hands for the baby, Remus took one last look at the baby's green eyes before giving him to the half-giant man. Sirius looked at Remus.

"It'll be okay, Moony."

"No. No, it won't."

You were sitting at the table, drinking a cup of tea, faint sobs radiating off you. You were interrupted by a poke. You looked down at the two-year-old twin, Fred. You smiled the best you could. It was getting light outside and from what Molly said, the twins were up the second they felt the presence of people. You looked at him.

"Where's George?"

Another poke on your other side answered you, and you smiled, wiping the tears.

"No cry!" Fred said, grabbing your hand.

"Smiles. Yes?" George said, grabbing your other.

"Okay, see!" you smiled brightly, showing teeth. They smiled at you too. You laughed lightly as you stood up, "You guys hungry?" that was the right question to ask. A chorus of Hungry and Apple rang through the house. You reached for the apples and a knife, chopped them into thin slices after washing, put them on a plate, and helped Fred and George into chairs. You three ate apples.

"Don't tell your brother but you two are my favorite."

The twins grinned with apple in their teeth. You laughed lightly but you jerked your head when you heard the door open. Molly, Arthur and Remus walked in. You looked to the floor.

"Mommy!" the twins yelled as they ran to Molly, She picked up George and Arthur picked up Fred. you looked at them, waiting for news. Arthur satisfied your curiosity but it wasn't what you wanted to hear.

"Harry is safe but Sirius is being taken to prison." He covered Fred's ears when he said this. You jumped up, knocking over the tea cup.

"What?"

"They think he told... You-Know-Who where they were."

"That's insane!" you said, wiping up the spilled tea.

"Well...we also killed... twelve muggles," Molly said. You just couldn't believe it. You walked to the table and propped yourself on your arms.

"I... I want to go home..." You calmly said. You walked to them, you said goodbye to the Weasleys, and walked out, coat in hand. Remus followed you.

You were kicking off your boots and propping them back up when Remus finally spoke to you. "Hey. I-"

"Remus! Don't." you snapped. He looked at you.

"Don't yell at me!"

"After what you did, I can do whatever I want to! You-" you stomped your foot in frustration, "Just you!"

"I tried! I tried okay?" he said, voice rising.

"Obviously not very hard! Cause where is Harry? Where is he!? Not here. Where he should be!"

"I know! But I did try! I didn't know they were even thinking of this until a week ago!"

"And you didn't tell me? What the actual fuck Remus!"

He tried to breathe and not yell but he couldn't hold it, "I didn't want you to worry about something that until tonight, I didn't think would happen! I tried to do what's best for you! But you are too dense and selfish to realize it! I always try to! But do you do the same for me? No! No, you don't."

"You are just bringing this up now?! If you had a problem with how I was treating you, you could've said something dammit! I am not a mind reader!"

He looked at you, anger prevalent on his face, he turned, flung open the door, walked out, and slammed it behind him. You jumped at the noise. "Damn you!" you picked up your shoes and threw them at the door, tears of rage sprinting down your face. You fell to your knees as you pathetically threw the last shoe, barely hitting the door. You sat there and wailed for what felt like hours. Everything had gone wrong. You stood back up and walked to the door, you looked out the peephole to see him standing with his back turned so you couldn't see his face. You were about to open the door but you let your hand drop, you turned and walked to the hallway stairs and sat down.

You were going to have a busy day tomorrow.

The funeral was announced in two days. You were getting dressed in your black outfit, it was a simple shirt, skirt, heels, and a hat. You watched as a raindrop dripped down the window pane, it was a fitting atmosphere for the day. You breathed in and out shakily, you turned to the mirror, looking at your face that seemed to have aged overnight. You had lost everything.

Your best friend, Lily.

Your confidant, Sirius.

Your brother from another mother, James.

Your voice of reason, Peter.

Your lover, Remus.

You felt tears burn when you thought about them all. You all were too damn young for this. You wiped the few tears away as you walked downstairs, grabbed your umbrella, and walked out the door.

It was a cab ride and walk. You and Remus had agreed that it was a beautiful place to live but you had moved back in with your mother. You knew you were getting close when you saw familiar faces and black umbrellas. You saw Severus, he didn’t have an umbrella. You walked up to him and covered his head with yours.

“Hello.”

“Morning.”

You two didn’t talk much but you enjoyed his calm presence, even though he had every ability to be sarcastic to the point to where he was just rude.

“How are coping?”

“It’s… a lot harder than I thought it would be.” His voice lightly cracked. You put a hand on his shoulder.

“She was great. No one was prepared to be without her.”

“No, no one is ever really ready to let anyone go.”

“She’ll be in our hearts.”

“Always.”

You and Severus walked closer to the grave, holding the two white roses you were given to place on the two caskets. Your breath was becoming in even as you placed your rose on Lily's casket lid. You turned to James’s and we’re about to place the rose when you saw him. You stood straighter and looked back down the casket.

“Some other time Jamie? You would have been great for Harry.”

You placed your rose and walked away from the casket, Severus stayed with you and Remus stood a few people apart from you. You felt tears streaking down your face, Severus noticed, handed you his handkerchief, and reached for your hand. You wanted to just burst into tears, run to Remus, slap him, hug him and go back home but you would never do that.

Remus noticed you and Severus, jealousy and rage bubbling up, becoming visible on his face.

Everyone had said some nice words when you slowly began to leave. You and Severus walked to the mouth of Godric’s Hollow so you could get a cab and not look suspicious when you returned to your mostly muggle neighborhood.

He opened the door for you, “See you at Hogwarts?”

You had agreed to take the Muggle Studies position after the unfortunate passing of Professor Ordeailic. Forty-nine years of service, one year away from retirement.

“See you then, maybe sooner. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to come to visit or write.”

He shook his head and closed the door. He watched the cab drive away in the rain, he turned and saw Remus.

“Lupin.”

“Snape.”

“Why were you no-“

“We called off the engagement.”

He was surprised, you and Remus were so in love. “I am sorry to hear that.”

Remus took a few steps closer, “Are you though? You and her seem rather close.”

Snape sighed, “She was crying and I did a courtesy by offering her something to wipe her tears with, and besides, she isn’t… she’s lovely but it’s a no for two reasons.”

“Which are?”

“She loves you and I don’t love her.”

Remus looked him up and down, he was right about the last part. “I don’t think she loves me anymore.”

“You’re an idiot.”

Remus was taken aback slightly. “What?”

“Now, don’t tell her I told you this but I heard from Albus, that Arthur had come to the Burrow for dinner and after dinner, she talked about you until she fell asleep. She’s too proud to tell you but she misses you.”

Remus just looked down. “I am sor-“

Snape just shook his head, “No need to be sorry. But I would go makeup.” He said, walking away from Remus and disappearing. Remus knew what he had to do.

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