This song came on my shuffle while I was cleaning so therefore I am not responsible for this heinous crack 🙃 But also, sorry in advance 💀
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x gn!BAU!reader established relationship (+ a feature by two of the BAU hooligans)
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“We really couldn’t fly into a closer airport?” you grumble under your breath, forehead pressed against the cool window of the Tahoe as a seemingly endless expanse of cornfield flies by in a blur.
Hotch uses the rearview mirror to glance at your sour face, raising a single eyebrow in challenge. “And where, pray tell, is this closer airport you speak of? Hiding amongst the corn?”
“Hiding amongst the corn?” you mimic in a childish tone, and he grunts in response although the corner of his mouth twitches with mirth.
“It was almost better when you two were keeping things under wraps,” Derek chimes in from the passenger seat. His long legs allowed him to claim shotgun while you and Emily were relegated to the back. Dave, JJ, Garcia, and Spence were in the vehicle behind you, much to Penelope’s chagrin about being thwarted from “napping on my sturdy hunk of Derek,” as she had so eloquently put it.
“To be fair, you chose to ride with us,” Aaron comes to your defense, and you pipe up with a vindicated, “Yeah! Thanks, babe.” You lean forward to press a kiss to his cheek and he frowns at you, pulling a pouty, “What?” from you in return.
“Sit back and put your seatbelt on,” he chides gruffly, and you can hear the unspoken brat that would’ve been sure to follow if you were alone.
“Fine,” you huff in feigned annoyance, settling into your seat and clicking your seatbelt in place.
The car is silent for a few minutes save from the wind whipping past, then you lean towards the center console and ask, “Can we at least listen to music?”
Emily perks up at that, pulling her head from the case file in her lap. “Music would be good.”
“Here, Derek,” you offer, sliding your phone towards him. “It’s unlocked so you can queue songs. But if I see you swiping anywhere else, I swear to god-”
“Chill, Y/N,” he laughs out. “Ain’t no way I’m risking burning my retinas with a nude from our boss man.”
“Morgan,” your boyfriend sighs like an exasperated parent while you tease, “Only cause he’s too hot to look at.”
“Please just put some music on,” Aaron groans after your comment, and you can see the back of his neck flushed red through the gap between the seat and headrest.
“Alright, alright,” Derek finally relents, plugging in your phone and then turning to smile at you when he spots a playlist titled AH🖤. “Now that’s pretty cute,” he admits, and you return his grin with a bashful one of your own.
Then your smile morphs into a horrified gasp when his thumb hovers over the playlist, the world seeming to move in slow motion as his finger makes contact with the screen.
Corpse’s gravelly voice instructing the listener to Choke me like you hate me, but you love me blares through the speakers as you shriek in surprise. Hotch jams his palm into the volume knob, mercifully cutting off the music before the next line can assault everyone’s ears.
The car is plunged into silence once more as your face flushes under the delighted scrutiny of one Derek Morgan. Emily, to her credit, remains unfazed (mostly because she’s the recipient of your lascivious texts about Aaron).
“We’re never talking about this again,” you whisper, mortified, unwilling to meet Aaron’s gaze in the rearview mirror. You’re so paying for this when you get to the hotel tonight.
“On the contrary,” Derek counters in an almost giddy fashion, “I just figured out how we’re going to pass the time until we reach the precinct. So, Y/N, are you the choker or the chokee?”
You collapse on yourself, head in your hands as you wail, “I wanna die,” while your boyfriend quietly mumbles, “I’m resigning when we get back to Quantico.”
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A/N: For those of you wondering… yes, this song is on my Hotch playlist 🥵
AH tags 🖤 @gothwifehotchner @iyv-ray24 @mrs-ssa-hotch @criminalskies
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So I remember we once had a conversation about Danny radiating protagonist vibes, so my prompt is having one of this friends telling him something to that effect? I feel like if anyone could pick up on his main character vibes, it’d be one if his friends, lol.
In one of the chapters of Insomniacs Anonymous, I did have Danny remark how he would be a 'background character' to Marinette and Tim's detective show (albeit a beloved background character, in his own words) but for someone else to mention to him how much of a protagonist vibe he got... I can kinda picture it going somewhere like Hleb's piece of fanart where Tucker wonders if the Fenton parents could be considered mad scientists/supervillains... and Danny has a bit of an existential crisis over it.
Just like:
"This isn't an anime," Danny remarked doubtfully, giving his friends his best skeptical look. Inwardly, however, he's sweating like he'd just been yeeted into the sun. "I do not give off protagonist vibes and- no, no! Sam, I do not-" Except the more he insisted the more Sam seem to think about it, and Danny could already tell he's lost her to Tucker's argument.
"I mean... You've already got the Sailor Moon magical girl transformation going for you," Sam reminded him with an apologetic look.
"I was thinking more Boku no Hero Academia, but that works better," Tucker replied thoughtfully, nodding. As if that made everything alright.
"I am not a protagonist, anime or otherwise," Danny told them through clenched teeth.
"You are totally a protagonist, you've got all the vibes for it," Sam laughed at his expense. And quite gleefully at that. "I bet you'd have a wicked theme song and everything."
"Yo, Danny Fenton he was just 14 when his parents built a very strange machine-" Tucker started spitting lyrics as if he'd been born to do it. Sam hollered like a professional hype-man, adding acoustics to his beat.
Danny slammed his hands over his ears and screamed. It was a miracle he didn't accidentally Ghostly Wail on them both.
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Buck: I think something's wrong with me, I've just been getting so nauseous lately...
Chimney: Maybe you're pregnant.
Buck: ...
Chimney: ...
Hen, sighs: Buck, he was just joking -
Buck, abruptly gets up: Sorry, can't talk! I've gotta tell Eddie the good news!
Hen: Wha - Buck, no...! Chim!
Chimney: What? I wouldn't even be surprised if it did turn out to be true knowing how Buck is. More importantly, did you hear the other part?
Hen: ...Okay, fine. Now let's see who had pregnancy announcement in the betting pool.
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