#That could have been fun. the soldier stuff just seems weak as hell to me lol

[brittlebutch]

think it’s kind of funny how hard s12 tried to go in on the Wash-Locus Soldier parallel when i think you’d be hard pressed to find a period of wash’s career where he Ever unquestioningly followed orders

Like, even in his run of the mill military career he got court martialed for wounding/killing his CO who ordered his squad into what would have been a suicide mission. When Price interviews him about joining freelancer Wash undoubtedly Understands that he’s being blackmailed even as he’s grateful for the intervention; he doesn’t ever seem to question the work he’s doing there But he also doesn’t seem to have any qualms with the Years he spent working as a Recovery agent with the Explicit intention of ratting them out and fucking them over the moment he got the evidence he needed. he wasn’t under orders when he went after epsilon; it was his idea, and His bargaining chip And he was totally willing to spit in the face of it when he planned on handing over the busted storage unit. fuck even when Carolina comes back he listens to her until he decides he doesn’t want to anymore and then he pulls a gun on her and bails. Wash literally Could Not give a shit about orders lmao, he’s just Out There

[writingtoforgetreality]

New World Order - TFATWS Rewrite Chapter One (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

[Marvel-Masterlist], [TFATWS Rewrite-Masterlist]

Next Chapter

Summary: You were an Avenger. That was how the world viewed you. Nobody else knew about your past & it was for the better. After all, you had Sam. You had Bucky. That had to be enough. At least for now.

Words: 6,214

Warnings: language, sarcasm, expect some sort of slow burn, there are hints already, this is a Bucky fic, which means that it'll focus on his scenes more, spoilers for TFATWS, (Y/E/C) = your eye color

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

You were no superhero. At least, you would never say you were one. Your past was filled with actions you regretted. None of it was your fault. It was not your decision to be the child of the leader of a HYDRA base. It was not your decision to grow up like a warrior. Fighting. Killing.

Your father was the bad guy. You knew that now. As a child, you did not see through his facade. How could you? He was your dad. Someone who was supposed to love you endlessly. Those years had shaped you. Into the person you were today.

Deep down, you wished there was a way to make you forget. Forget about your past. Forget about the pain. Forget about it all. Hell, you were a laboratory experiment. Those powers did not come from nowhere. No. They came from tons of needles, pumping a toxic serum into you veins. You should not even be alive anymore. Not by what now flowed through your body. Apparently, it was for your own good. That was how your dad put it. Absolute bullshit. Growing up isolated from the world, being trained to fight, to kill, daily. Your own good my ass. If it did one thing, then it ruined your damn life.

But at least you had powers, right? Blue flames you could control. Those blue flames that were hotter than anything else in this world. It took an awful lot of time to fully have control. Truthfully, you hated that part of you with every fiber of your being. It had been the cause of one too many deaths. You had been the cause. But weakness was not in your nature. If you did not show strength you would be a disappointment. Something you really did not want to be.

Bucky was the reason you got out of this life. He was the one to rescue you out of this hell hole. He was the one to show you an entirely different part of this world. And for that, you could never thank him enough. If it were not for Bucky, you would have gone insane ages ago. Who knew if you were still here today?

The Avengers were aware of your past. Of you being a part of HYDRA back in the days. Yet, you had never elaborated this any further. If there was one thing you were good at, it was keeping things to yourself. No need to burden others with your struggles. And you did struggle. Every single day. Because your mind was filled with memories. Memories you had tried to burn. Memories you wanted to erase. Memories of you being the bad guy. Just like your dad had been.

Your life changed when you were introduced to the Avengers. They did not trust you. Not right away. But during the fight with Thanos, the one after the Blip, you proved yourself to be worthy of their trust. Especially Steve. He had been there for you. When everyone else failed to believe in you. He was gone now. And it hurt like hell. Giving up was never an option. And the universe did not plan on giving you a break anytime soon. For now, you had to bury your feelings as deep as possible. Your focus should solely be on the new threats of this world. Threats, that seemed to increase daily.

“Bucky is an asshole.” you were on the phone with Sam & the fact that the super soldier had been ignoring him for a while did not leave a good feeling inside his chest.

“What a revelation.” sarcastic comments were part of your life. It was your way of coping with everything. Frankly, it worked. More or less. “Give him some time.”

“More time? No.” sighing loudly. “I have other things to focus on.” he was referring to the mission he was about to perform.

“You sure you’ll be fine on your own?” it was not like you did not believe in his abilities. Just, life had not been the same ever since billions of people came back.

“When have I ever not been?” you could think of a few times but Sam ended the call before you even had the chance to answer. Typical.

Luckily, Sam usually told you about his missions. And you were proud of him. You really were. The situation you found yourself in? With Bucky & him? Well, it was everything but good. Bucky called you. You called Sam. Sam called you. You called Bucky. A circle you kept alive. And it sucked to be their only way of communication. For now, though, both of them were too stubborn to change anything about it.

“Enjoying the Tunisian sun I hope?” whenever Sam went on a mission, you had him call you after it. Simply because he knew you worried.

“You know it.” in the far background you could hear him working on something.

“Is everyone alright? That trainee of yours? What’s his name again?”

“Torres.” he sighed, frustrated by your question. You had asked him about a million times & apparently, you still had no clue. Truth was, you just liked messing with him. “Redwing is hurt.”

“Naaaw, poor baby.” giggling slightly. That man cared more for a piece of tech than he should.

“Shut up.” okay, better not mess with Wilson if it came to Redwing. Got it.

“When are you coming back?” your voice turned serious again. Having him gone for so long did not stick right with you. Obviously, you knew he was doing it for the greater good. But still. “I swear to all the Gods, if you say when we’re done here…” mumbling quietly but loud enough for him to hear.

“When we’re finished here.” a chuckle could be heard from his side. By the way it sounded, you assumed Torres was laughing as well. Rolling your eyes at his antics. He could be such a child sometimes.

“Oh, fuck off, Wilson.”

“Hey, language!” Sam had fun. Yeah, you were the one cracking jokes all of the time but he could deliver, too.

“Okay, you know what? Bye. Text me when you’re back.” now, it was you who did not give him enough time to respond. After all, he would have clapped back with another snarky remark & you were not in the mood for it. At all.

“Steve represented the best in all of us. Courageous, righteous, hopeful. And he mastered posing stoically.” everyone chuckled at Sam’s description. Of him. Steve. Rhodey was standing right next to you. In that suit of his. The one that made him look way more approachable than you. No need for people to approach you. They did not know who you were before. And they sure as hell did not need to. It would turn things complicated. Humans did not like complicated. You did not like it. “The world has been forever changed. A few months ago, billions of people reappeared after five years away, sending the world into turmoil. We need new heroes. Ones suited for the times we’re in. Symbols are nothing without the women & men that give them meaning. And this thing…” he paused briefly, let out a short chuckle. The shield. “I don’t know if there’s ever been a greater symbol. But it’s more about the man who propped it up, & he’s gone. So, today we honor Steve’s legacy. But also, we look to the future. So, thank you, Captain America. But this belongs to you.” the crowd erupted into cheers. Applause was filling the room & you felt out of place. What was he doing? When Sam asked you to join him here today, he left out the fact that he wanted to give away the shield. The shield Steve had trusted him enough to own. And the people surrounding you? They…celebrated him for it? This entire speech was proof enough that Wilson was worthy of this job. So why the hell did he make that decision? Watching the shield being put into the showcase, you could hardly hold in the tears that formed at the corners of your (Y/E/C) eyes. Rhodey nudged you, sensing that something was wrong. Head hanging low, you ignored him, walking out of the room as fast as possible. If you stayed here any longer, Sam would have bruises for sure. Bruises caused by you. You would not risk that. Though, he kind of deserved it.

“Where’s (Y/N)?” Sam asked Rhodey when he finished with the press. You had told him you would wait here for him. There was no sign of you.

“Left a while ago.”

“What do you mean “Left a while ago.”? Did she say where she was heading?” why did you decide to leave? Had anything happened while he held his speech? All Rhodey could do was shrug. An explanation was not given by you. And he knew better than to ask.

“Take a walk?” Rhodey suggested, completely unaware to your weird behavior. The two of you were not that close. So he did not know you like Sam did. You were an adult, after all. If you wanted to go somewhere without asking someone first, then you were allowed to do that.

Disappointment was flooding through your body. Friends told each other stuff like that, right? So why did he keep it a secret that he planned on giving away the shield. With that action, he broke Steve’s trust & you were livid. If only Steve were here right now. You missed him. So much. Next time Sam met you, you could not promise anything. Because anger was all you felt. Anger & disappointment. Grief. But that one you could keep to yourself. At least for the time being. Shit. Bucky. One hundred percent did he watch Sam giving away the shield. Oh, he would be filled with hatred. Compared to that, you were only a small threat. Bucky was the one Wilson should keep an eye on. Well, he had been trying to get a hold of him. So far, without luck.

A gunshot blasting woke Bucky up from another night invaded by nightmares. His changed hair did not put his demons at bay. His look was different but there were some things he could never get rid of. His past. The past he dreaded as much as you did. Probably what you two had in common. Being part of HYDRA & all. His breathing was irregular & there was no way in hell he could go back to sleep. It was in the middle of the night & he hated himself for relying on someone else. But he would go insane if he did not call another person right now. If he did not call you. The only one who seemed to understand what he was going through. The only one who never judged him because of his nightmares. The only one who made him feel like he was a good person. Not the killer he once had been. When HYDRA controlled him. Back, when he was called “The Winter Soldier”. Would he ever move on from that? Grabbing his old phone, he did not overthink too long & dialed your number. One, he knew by heart. Because he had called you so many times. It stuck in his head.

“Buck? Is everything alright?” concern was present in your voice. Usually, when you got a call in the middle of the night, it was him. And you were fine with it. If he trusted you enough to help him with his demons, than you were more than happy to come to his aid. No matter the time.

“I-I…it’s just, ugh, I-“ still shaken up from his nightmare, you did not need him to finish his sentence. You had been in this exact situation so many times. You knew what he needed. Your presence. Your voice. Your comfort. You.

“I’ll be there in a few.” assuring him, you were already grabbing the stuff you needed & walked out of your apartment. Only one destination in mind. Him. “Do you need me to stay on the phone?” it was a simple question. A stupid one, too. Usually, he would not say a word until you were with him. But it felt right to ask him what he wanted you to do. Needed you to do. When he did not answer for a few moments, you guessed he only nodded, not realizing that you could not see his motions. Yet, he did not hang up. Neither did you. Your breathing was enough for him. At least until you were in his apartment.

Knocking softly, as to not wake his neighbors, the door opened almost immediately after. Squeaking ever so slightly. Taking in his appearance, you could tell that it had been a bad nightmare. No, not a nightmare. A memory. You knew that because it was the reason you woke up most nights as well. If it were not for him feeling miserable, you would have drooled by the sight of him. No shirt. Hair sticking around so beautifully. Eyes you could lose yourself in. But it was not the right timing. Besides, Bucky & you were just friends. That was it. Just friends. Though, you would lie if you said that you did not feel butterflies whenever he shot you one of his charming smiles. Whenever his body brushed against yours on accident. Yes, he did have that effect on you. Hell, that was not what he needed right now. Your feelings could be dealt with later on. Bucky was all who mattered now. There was no conversation. No words exchanged. It was enough for him if you were with him. A sign that he was not alone. That he still had you. Even after everything. Even after calling you, night after night, disturbing your own rest. Not that you got much to begin with but he did not need to know that. It had always been a mystery to him. Why you stuck around still. Though you had assured him thousands of times that you were in this for good. If he needed you, you were only one call away. And he appreciated you for it. More than he would ever like to admit. Friends. You were friends.

“So, Mr. Barnes, are you still having nightmares?” another session with Dr. Raynor. Another dreaded session. It was stupid to Bucky. But there was no way out of this. He had to. Seconds of silence went by before she spoke up again. “James, I asked you a question. Are you still having nightmares?” what kind of question was that? A stupid one. That was for sure.

“No.” simple, short. Sufficient. Not for his doctor, though.

“We’ve been doing this long enough that I can tell when you’re lying. Well, you seem a little off today. Did something happen recently?”

“No.” what an answer to move this session forward. Clearly, he was not in the mood to talk today. Not even you were able to get his mind off of things. Though, you definitely made his night easier.

“You’re a civilian now. With your history, the government needs to know that you’re not gonna…” her hand motioned stabbing. Awful action but who were you to judge? Bucky nodded with that look on his face that showed how completely done he was with this situation. Yet, she kept going. “It’s a condition of your pardon. So, tell me about your most recent nightmare.”

“I didn’t have a nightmare.” well, it was worth a try. After taking a deep breath, she grabbed the pencil, ready to start writing into that notebook of hers again. “Oh, come on. Really? You’re gonna do the notebook thing? Why? It’s passive aggressive.” looked like the two of them were going back to the roots.

“You don’t talk. I write.” Bucky sighed at that. He knew he would not get out of this.

“Okay. Okay. I crossed a name off the list of my amends yesterday. Don’t worry. I used all your three rules. Senator Atwood. She was a HYDRA pawn for years. Helped her get into office when I was the Winter Soldier. And after HYDRA disbanded, she continued to abuse the power I gave her.”

“So, rule number one, you can’t do anything illegal.”

“All I did was give some intel to the aide to convict her. And I wasn’t involved in anything else.”

“Rule number two?”

“What was rule number two?” his gaze drifting off, showing he thought about it deeply. How ironic.

“Nobody gets hurt. It’s a big one.”

“Then why isn’t it rule number one?” he did have a point there. No room left for arguing about that. “I didn’t hurt anybody. I promise.”

“And what about rule number three?” Bucky’s mouth opened, yet, nothing came out. “The whole point of making amends is to fulfil rule number three.”

“You know, you’re a cynic, Doc. Of course, I completed rule number three. I am James Bucky Barnes & you’re part of my efforts to make amends.” words followed by that smile of his. That smile everyone could tell was fake. Almost creepy. But efforts, right? It was all about the efforts.

“So, you did it all right, but it didn’t help with the nightmares.”

“Well, like I said, I didn’t have any.” Bucky Barnes, everyone. Still trying to fool his doctor.

“Look, one day, you’re gonna have to open up & understand that some people really do want to help you & that they can be trusted. People like (Y/N).” the mention of your name made his eyes snap up.

“I trust more people than her.” it sounded more like he tried to convince himself more than anyone else.

“Yeah? Give me your phone.” an order. Grabbing it out of his pocket to hand it over. A short look was enough. “You don’t have ten phone numbers on this thing. Oh, & you’ve been ignoring the texts from Sam. Look, you gotta nurture friendships. I am the only person you have called all week. That is so sad…Oh, that’s not right. You called (Y/N) last night. Anything you wanna tell me about that?” closing the flip phone, she threw it over to Bucky which he caught with ease.

“What? Do I need to justify calling a friend?” chuckling & shaking his head slightly, he brushed his hands over his thighs.

“If you call that friend at 3 am, then yes. Because you should sleep at that time. Except if you had a nightmare which you claimed that you didn’t.”

“We just talked. That’s all.” he thought that brushing it off as if it were nothing was enough to get her to shut up. Hell, he had brought you up during his sessions way too many times. After all, he still wanted the situation between you guys to be subtle.

“You’re alone.”

“A minute ago, you said I had (Y/N).” he tried arguing but his attempts failed.

“You’re a hundred years old. You have no history, no family…” right, pouring salt in the wounds. That usually worked.

“Are you lashing out at me, Doc? Because that’s really unprofessional, you know? When did that start? Yelling at your clients?” she seemed to have enough & again went for the little book next to her. “Oh, the notebook. That’s great.” sighing deeply, he braced himself to take her more seriously. “All right, give me a break. I’m trying, okay? This isn’t…This is new for me. I didn’t have a moment to deal with anything, you know? I had a little…calm in Wakanda. And other than that, I just went from one fight to another for 90 years.”

“So, now that you’ve stopped fighting, what do you want?” he had an answer in mind right away. Never ever would he say it out loud. It took him a second to reply. Because what he was about to say came in union with his first thought.

“Peace.”

“That is utter bullshit.” what a nice way to bad talk his answer. Maybe she was expecting something else from him. Maybe she knew the answer just as much as he did. The real answer.

“You’re a terrible shrink.”

“I was an excellent soldier, so I saw a lot of dead bodies, & I know how that can shut you down. And if you are alone…”

“Which I’m not because I have (Y/N).”

“…that is the quietest, most personal hell. And, James, it is very hard to escape. Look, I know that you have been through a lot, but you’ve got your mind back, you are being pardoned. I mean, these are good things. You’re free.”

“To do what?”

Wednesday. Bucky usually went to Izzy. Today, he asked you to join him & Yori. Why he wanted you there with them? No clue. But it was not often he asked you to go somewhere with him so you agreed on meeting them there.

“Take a look.” Yori was a cute, old man. Reading his newspaper like a good citizen. Bucky had yet to give you an explanation as to why you were here right now. But for now, you just sat next to him, quietly observing your surroundings. “Nobody made it past 90 this week.” it was funny, to see Bucky trying his hardest to sound interested. Like he understood.

“So young. Such a shame.” his words made you scoff. Apparently, once you hit the 100 mark, you turn into a sarcastic piece. If you were not one before. If you ever made it to 100? Only the Gods knew what would come after that. Most people called you a sarcastic asshole now. Could that be topped?

“You guys didn’t order the usual, huh? Feeling a little adventurous?” the woman behind the counter directed her words at the three of you.

“Um, actually, I’ve never been here before, so…” you chuckled to avoid the awkwardness that would sure as hell build if you kept quiet now.

“You should ask her out.” Yori leaned over to Bucky & you almost choked on your food at his words. Bucky asking her out? Her? Yeah, she was beautiful & all. But her? Really? Seemed like that Yori dude did not know Bucky as well as he claimed to. You, on the other hand, were aware that nothing good would come out if it. Besides, they would not even make a nice couple. Shit, were you jealous? Oh no. Glancing over at the man next to you, his face showed just how much he despised this idea. At least something.

“Mm-mmm…” shaking his head frantically, he shot you a quick look but before his eyes locked onto yours, your gaze fell down to your plate. Slightly embarrassed. Scared that, if he looked at you, he would notice something behind your look. Something more. Something, that you wanted to keep hidden. For everyone’s sake.

“He would like to take you out on a date.” oh fuck off, Yori. You had nothing against this man but he was pushing your buttons. Could he not see that Bucky was incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of going on a date? With her? “Maybe to bingo or a night of pinochle.” hiding your laugh behind one of your hands, you could not believe that he was serious. Bucky & bingo? Well, it was for old people so you guessed it fit quite well. Not with her, though. Oh no, you really were jealous.

“I’m really sorry about him.” Bucky apologized for his friend’s behavior. Yes, you were sorry for him, too.

“Why are you sorry?” of course, now the woman was flirting with him. It got better & better. Taking a deep breath, you tried to keep your emotions at bay. You could not lash out in the middle of this restaurant, after all. Even though you were this close to doing just that. Deep breaths, you got this. “I’m game.” sure she was.

“Wow.” really? Bucky was impressed? By this? Oh come on, why would he settle for less when he could have so, so much more. But it was not your decision. He was not yours. You did not own him. Neither did you make the decisions for him.

“Tomorrow night, then?” Yori leaned over the counter.

“Tomorrow night’s great.” she replied with a bright smile.

“Hey, I just remembered something.” you spoke up all of a sudden. Bucky’s eyes met yours now & he saw that you were uncomfortable. Though, he could not pinpoint why. “Um, I-I need to go. See you, Buck. Bye guys.” sprinting out of the restaurant, you hoped nobody would follow you. Not in the mood to deal with anyone right now. All you wanted was to be alone right now. Your mind the only one keeping you company. But your mind was not really the kindest to you. Not in this particular moment. So what? Bucky had a date. You knew that would happen sooner or later. He was a good looking man. More importantly, you just wanted him to be happy. Genuinely happy.

Fucking great. Who could you talk to? You still were not done being mad at Sam. And now you were mad at Bucky for something he did not even do. He sort of did. He could have said no. If he really did not want to, he could have said no. Bucky was enough of a man to speak his mind, you knew that. Maybe he did want to go on a date with her. What was her name again? Not that you cared too much. But still. Blinking away the tears that had formed at the corners of your eyes, you kept on walking. Without a real destination. You were stupid. Friends. Why could you not accept this? Usually, you would call Steve in such a situation. Or even Tony. But it was too late now. They were not here anymore. You had to deal with that sooner or later. Whether you liked it or not. Contemplating calling Sam, you eyed your phone carefully. One more button. But nope. The anger was bigger than the need to talk to someone. Stubborn you. Wilson could make you feel better. But you would most likely end up yelling at him. And you knew you would regret your words later on. So might as well stay silent for the time being. Until you calmed down enough.

It was 10 pm. Date time for Bucky. That same restaurant. Being the gentleman that we was, he even brought her flowers. Like it used to be back in the 40s.

“Well, if that’s not the most adorably old-fashioned thing anyone’s ever done.” Bucky felt lost. In her company. “Grab a seat, I’ll be done in a few.”

“Okay.” he could up & leave. It would not be too late. All he knew was that it felt wrong.

“So, have you dated much since half the fish in the sea came back?”

“Not really. I, um…tried the whole online dating thing. (Y/N), the girl who was here with me yesterday, she set up a profile for me because I didn’t understand a single thing.” laughing at the memory, he thought back to when he called you to ask you for a favor. How you laughed at him for wanting to try this whole bullshit. “It’s pretty crazy. A lot of weird pictures.”

“What kind of weird?”

“I mean, tiger photos? Half the time I don’t even know what I’m looking at. It’s…It’s a lot. When I showed (Y/N), she simply said that this was what I signed up for.”

“You sound like my dad.” definitely something a man did not want to hear while on a date. On the other hand, he did not even want this to be a date. “Wait. How old are you?

“A hundred & six.” only he could make it sound so casually. Like it was the most normal thing on this planet. Both laughed at his words. Simply because it was so absurd.

“What’s up with your big gloves?” a sensitive topic she just touched.

“I, um, have, uh…poor circulation.” sure thing.

“Hmm…Hey, what is it about this (Y/N) girl & you?” his eyes widened at her question. What was she getting at?

“She’s my friend. Why?” his dumbfounded expression made her chuckle.

“A friend, huh?”

“Um, yeah.”

“You sure about that?” an eyebrow raised. A questioning stare was sent his way.

“Why does everyone think I don’t have friends?” throwing his head back in frustration, he let out a long sigh.

“It’s not that.” she stopped briefly, thinking about her next words carefully. “Just, you guys seem pretty close.”

“Well, we’ve known each other for years.” he reasoned, gesturing with his hands to bring his point across.

“Yeah? And the looks you’re shooting each other when the other one’s not looking?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You two aren’t really subtle about this, you know?” she wiped the counter & did not even look at Bucky. He, on the other hand, started sweating.

“Subtle about what?”

“Oh, come on. Who are you kidding? I don’t even know why you’re here right now.”

“Because Yori set you & me up on a date.”

“And why did you agree?” she crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for an explanation from the man in front of her.

“I-I don’t know.” he responded truthfully. Because he thought it to be polite? Because Yori was the one who suggested it? Honestly, he was not sure.

“That’s what I thought. Look, you’re a nice guy & all but…just, listen to your heart from time to time. It’s late. You should head out. See you.” she turned around & walked further into the restaurant. Leaving Bucky alone with his thoughts. It was clear what she intended. Did not mean that it made this entire situation any easier. Bucky left without another word. Fresh air would help him think straight.

Your phone rang & you sighed when you checked who decided to annoy you. Bucky. Of course. But wait. Should he not be on his date right now? Did something go wrong? Not that you wanted it to but if you were entirely honest, you would not be mad about it either.

“Hi Buck. What’s up?”

“I need your help with something.” there was no hesitation in his voice. Just him being straight forward.

“Please don’t tell me you need help on how to get the girl.” it was your way to lighten the mood. You did that because you could tell that he was incredibly serious. Usually, this was never a good sign.

“Can I send you an address? Can you meet me there as soon as possible?” his voice was low, deep.

“Um, sure thing. But just to set things clear…I won’t join in on your fun, Buck. That’s between you & her.” again, sarcasm was your way of coping with emotions. Though, it was not the right time to use it right now. His next words were proof enough. You should not mess with him. Not in this moment.

“Can you be serious for a second?” he raised his voice a little. It was not much but it was enough to leave you confused. Bucky was not the person to yell at you. Especially not like this.

“I’m sorry…Um, yeah, tell me where & I’ll get there as fast as I can.” gulping down, you waited for him to give you more information.

Arriving at an unfamiliar building, you could make out Bucky’s form in front of it. Why would he want to meet you here? Where was his date?

“Buck?” your voice barely above a whisper. The night sky only illuminated by the moon that shone brightly. Providing just a tiny bit of light. Enough, to let you notice your surroundings.

“Thanks for coming.” you could tell that he was stressed, tough, you were not sure why.

“Is everything alright? Because I swear, if that woman did anyth-“

“No, she didn’t. Promise.” his warm smile was encouraging enough. It was clear that he was not lying to you. “Just…didn’t work out. But that’s not why you’re here.”

“Okay?”

“My last nightmare. Do you remember?” nodding for him to continue. “How I killed that innocent man?”

“It wasn’t you, Buck. You were being controlled.” touching his shoulder softly, squeezing it to reassure him.

“Whatever…That guy, it was Yori’s son. I want to, need to, apologize. Even though the apology comes way too late.” you nodded at him, your eyes meeting his briefly. Now you knew why he called you. He did not want to do this alone. No. He wanted you by his side. To support him through it. Entering the building together, Bucky led you to the apartment Yori lived in. His hand raised to knock on the door. Surprisingly, he did not waste any time. He wanted to get this over with. Understandingly so. No words were exchanged. You being here, with him, that was more than enough.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Yori opened the door, his face showed confusion by the appearance of you two. “How was the date?” you could not help but roll your eyes at the old man in front of you. Looking at Bucky, you were worried when you saw him having an internal conversation with himself. Mouth opening & closing again. No words coming out. Risking a look inside the apartment, you noticed a small picture frame with who you assumed to be his son. The one Bucky killed. No. The one the Winter Soldier killed.

“It was…It was good.” Bucky mumbled.

“Bullshit.” you followed after. None of them heard you, though. Luckily.

“Forgot I owed you for lunch.” Bucky handed him money. If you were not mistaken, this was not a form of apologizing. He had a hard time, though, that much was obvious. Afterwards, Bucky turned around & walked away without another word. Which left you alone with a confused looking Yori.

“I’m sorry for the disturbance, sir. Have a good night.” plastering on the sweetest smile you could offer, you followed Bucky outside. Jogging to keep up with the super soldier.

Back outside, you saw Bucky holding his little notebook in his hands. You knew about it. Because you were the only person he talked to when it came to his therapy sessions. A look over his shoulder could tell that his eyes were trained on the name being circled. His body was tense. That was not what he planned.

“It’s okay, Bucky.” your hand stroked over his lower back in a comforting way. Your forehead rested against his shoulder, hoping, that it would ease him a little. You could feel him calm down at your touch. “Give yourself some time.” you mumbled quietly, knowing he could hear you clearly due to the calm night. You just hoped that he would not beat himself up too much. Not more than he already did.

You were back in your own apartment. Still no words from Sam. But that was nothing new. Sometimes, he would go radio silent for a few days but after that, he would always check in with you. Maybe he figured that you were mad at him. For giving away the shield & all. And he probably was busy with work. The work he did with Torres. If he needed your help, he would call you for sure. Your TV got your attention again. Something told you to watch closely. So you did.

“Unrest, in the wake of recent events, has left us vulnerable. Every day Americans feel it. While we love heroes who put their lives on the line to defend Earth, we also need a hero to defend this country. We need a real person who embodies America’s greatest values. We need someone to inspire us again, someone who can be a symbol for all of us. So, on behalf of the Department of Defense & our Commander-in-Chief, it is with great honor that we announce here today that the United States of America has a new hero. Join me in welcoming your new Captain America.” the crowd cheered loudly & someone walked through the door. You could not believe what was happening. Please, this had to be a bad dream. When would you wake up form this hell? A man, wearing his suit, holding his shield, greeted the people. Looking at your hands, you could see small, blue sparks forming at the tips of your fingers. That only ever happened when you had no control over your emotions. Right now, you were everything but in control. Of course he had to wink at the camera like the sick person he was.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me…” breathing out lowly, you put your head into your hands, completely ignoring the sparks there. You did not feel them anyway. If you ever met this son of a bitch it would not end well for him. And the next time you would meet Wilson? Fingers crossed he could deal with your angry & disappointed self. Because you were seething.

~to be continued~

Next Chapter

Published (04/02/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @taina-eny​, @tanyaherondale​, @cool-ultra-nerd​, @toribentleyva, @buckyandlokirunmylife​, @annadier​, @howlongtillidie​, @mizz-kraziii, @theetherealbloom​, @millenniumloki​, @marvelbros-oneshots​, @ajbwasnthere, @bilesxbilinskixlahey​, @mystictimetravelcolor​, @dbrees256​, @sxpxrnxturxl, @dreamydreamerwriting​, @dolllstyles​, @angelicastiel​, @prettysbliss, @infinitelyforgotten​, @sweetserendipity65​, @lilystilinskicullen​, @partypoisonsblog, @btdsprayberry, @sarai-ibn-la-ahad​, @deamus-liv​, @simplybarnes​, @sethcohenluvr (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)

[agoldengalaxy]

deny, deny, deny

read on Ao3

5 times someone told Sam and Bucky they cared about each other, and the 1 time they showed it.

--

1.

“You two bicker a lot,” Dr. Raynor says, eyeing the two men who sit, fuming, on the other side of her desk. “If you won’t speak to each other, then tell me this, instead. James, why would you ignore Sam’s texts?”

Bucky grumbles something under his breath. Sam seems genuinely curious to hear the answer. Raynor glares until Bucky sighs and repeats himself, staring at the floor. “Didn’t wanna bother ‘im.”

“What? I was the one texting you, Bucky! Why would I -”

“Just drop it, Sam.”

“…Fine.”

Folding her hands on her desk, Raynor sighs. She can’t be certain, but Bucky has been her client for a few months now, and she knows it takes a long time for him to tell the truth. In this case, however, she thinks the truth is there, as a small part of it. The way that the tips of his ears redden tell her that there must be more to it.

She isn’t blind. She has a feeling she might know that answer. So she leans forward a little. “Good. Thank you for that answer, James.” Her gaze slides to Sam, whose arms are crossed over his chest as he looks toward the wall. “How does that make you feel, Sam?”

He scoffs. “After everything I’ve done for him, he still -”

“You shouldn’t have given up the shield, Sam.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Gentlemen, please,” Raynor interrupts, feeling a headache coming on. She blows out a breath. “You’re both big boys now. You can handle this -“ she gestures vaguely, because she knows that they don’t quite understand yet, “- if you just talk to each other. Emotions are powerful things, you can’t ignore them forever.”

Bucky groans. Sam huffs.

They don’t get it. She’s not sure she wants to see them flounder, but she should put it out there, anyway. She leans forward. “Emotions including love, that you may have buried deep below.”

For a split second, she is met with stunned silence, before they both erupt, loudly. Denying, denying, denying, pushing the feelings down even deeper than they had been before despite the way that they fluster.

It’s okay, she tells herself. Deep breath in and out. They’ll accept it soon, someday.

Still, she shakes her head, effectively cutting them off. “No matter what kind of love it is, you care about each other. And that’s the bottom line. Once you cross it, things’ll be a whole lot easier.”

Sam looks at his lap, blinking. Bucky’s cheeks flush pink.

Raynor needs a drink.

2.

“This is really easy for you, isn’t it? All that serum runnin’ through your veins.” John hates the man standing in front of him. Maybe, in another life, they could have been friends. But the stubbornness just pisses him off, so he goes for Bucky’s weakness. He knows Bucky can take being insulted, but there is one thing he won’t accept. “Barnes, your partner needs backup in there.”

He watches Bucky’s cold stare waver, if only for a moment. John takes that opportunity to stand his ground, glancing behind Bucky, to that open door he wants to go through so desperately. Karli is right there, and the only thing standing in his way now is Barnes, and his stupid loyalty to Sam.

Bucky thinks so highly of Sam, he doesn’t have any other choice but to use that one weakness.

So they lock eyes again. “I know you care about him. Do you really want his blood on your hands?”

Beside him, Lemar shifts his weight from one foot to the other as Bucky looks down for a split second. John knows what it’s like. He’d never leave Lemar behind, though he knows with Sam and Bucky, things are a little different. He can feel Zemo’s eyes boring into them now, clearly amused. They wait.

Bucky’s jaw is clenched, every inch of him now rigid. John knows the feeling, and knows perhaps it might have been unfair to put him in that position; he knows he would stop at nothing if it were his wife in that room. That’s almost the equivalent of what Bucky must have been thinking.

But the ends justify the means.

Drawing in a sharp breath, Bucky turns around, his shoulders still tight, and John exchanges a look with Lemar as he speaks. “You’re right. We should help him.”

John’s grip on the shield tightens. Lemar grins. “Maybe you should tell him how you feel,” he suggests as they start up the stairs.

Bucky ignores them both, readying for the fight.

3.

“Super soldiers cannot be allowed to exist.”

“Isn’t that how gods talk?” Sam asks, cool and collected as ever. “And if that’s how you feel, then what about Bucky?”

Zemo carefully removes the ice pack from his forehead, weighing it in his hand as he sits up. He doesn’t know how to feel about Bucky just yet. For now, that question doesn’t have an answer. For now, Steve Rogers is the only exception, and he can’t imagine that changing anytime soon.

Still, he has to have some kind of fun, right?

So he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, tilting his head to get a better look at the man sitting at the table, and shrugs. “Why don’t you tell me?”

Sam blinks, eyebrows furrowing. “What do you mean?”

“Come now, Sam, I always thought you were an intelligent individual,” he replies, only slightly teasing. He does like Sam. He’s righteous, level-headed, and doesn’t make any stupid decisions. Except, perhaps, the person he might have chosen to love. “What do you think of James?”

“Is this a trick question?”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

Nodding, the other smiles and looks down, gathering his thoughts. “I think he’s annoyin’ as hell,” he answers slowly. “But...he’s passionate, smart, a big softie deep down...and he always does the right thing even though he’s hurting, too.” He pauses, then adds, “I still can’t tell if breakin’ you out of jail counts as the right thing, though.”

Zemo smirks, leaning back a little, tossing the ice pack from one hand to the other. “You know, when I first met my wife, she hated my guts.”

“Can’t say I blame her, Zemo.”

He chuckles, somewhat sadly, then continues. “These fights that you and James have, over the small things, they are nothing more than just couple’s quarrels.”

Sam’s eyes widen and he turns to look at him fully, as if he’s lost his mind. “What the hell are you talkin’ about? Bucky and I are just -”

“Just what, Sam?” Zemo tilts his head, as if challenging him. This is exactly the reaction he had been hoping for. It isn’t often the calm and collected Sam Wilson loses his cool, and Zemo likes to know he’s one of the ones who can get a rise out of him. “Friends, partners, all these terms you both throw around…” He thinks back to that look on Bucky’s face when John had challenged him, and his smile returns. “Perhaps you ought to think about what you truly want.”

And okay, maybe it isn’t just wanting to get a reaction from Sam. Maybe Zemo has seen the good in both of them, and thinks, perhaps, they ought to be happy, for once. His own partner is long gone, but it isn’t too late for Sam and Bucky.

Sam opens his mouth to respond, but he is cut off by the heavy sound of the door opening, and he immediately falls silent as Bucky walks in, with news that the Dora Milaje are after Zemo. Although Sam recovers quickly, staring at his laptop, Zemo side-eyes him, wondering if he might be blushing.

So Zemo stands up, shaking his head. How juvenile.

4.

Sarah leans against the truck, wiping sweat from her forehead. It’s been hours, and she still can’t believe Sam has managed to pull off receiving this much help. She knows their parents did a lot of favors, but she never could have imagined it would pay off this much one day.

She’s already made up her mind. She can’t sell this boat. It means so much to her, and to Sam.

Her gaze drifts toward the dock, where Bucky is helping Sam carry some things to Carlos. She’s almost certain they’re bickering again, but as they walk, their shoulders almost touch. Sam smiles. It’s something she hadn’t realized she had missed so much.

Seeing her brother smile, and seeing the reason for that smile, is all the evidence she needs to agree to let Bucky crash on her couch. The sun is already dipping closer and closer to the horizon, and she knows people will begin returning home soon. Personally, she has to get the boys to bed. But she lets herself enjoy this moment as long as she can.

When Sam and Bucky place down their loads, Sarah whistles, getting their attention to wave Sam over. Bucky seems to think about following, but is soon distracted by AJ and Cass, excited to meet their uncle’s ‘cool friend.’ Sam chuckles as he tells them to behave, then makes his way over to his sister, a huge grin on his face.

“What’d I tell you? I knew we could make it work,” he says, spreading his hands. Just as confident as ever, she supposes. She rolls her eyes, but for some reason, she can’t stop smiling, and his grin fades a little. “What’re you lookin’ at me like that for?”

Sarah shakes her head. “Nothing. I just missed seeing you so happy,” she admits, because although they tease each other, although they bicker, she loves him. She has no trouble admitting she cares. Seeing the confusion on his face, she hops up to sit on the back of the truck, folding her hands in her lap. “You were gone. For a really long time. And that’s okay, I know what you had to do.” A pause. “When you came back all sad-puppy-dog in the rain that first night, my heart broke. I guess I’m just trying to say I’m glad my brother’s back.”

There’s another pause until Sam comes to sit beside her, so that their shoulders touch. He nods. “It’s been a rough couple years,” he murmurs, and she nods. It has been for both of them.

They gaze at the boys, who are excitedly coaxing Bucky to flex his metal arm, who has a confused look on his face as per usual. Sarah rests her head on Sam’s shoulder, just grateful to know she’s no longer so alone. And then she sits up, turning to face him.

“But enough of that sappy stuff,” she says. “Tell me about Bucky.”

He groans. “Don’t tell me his awful attempt at flirting was actually successful.”

“What?” Pulling a face, she shakes her head. “No, not that. Tell me about him. A guy that makes you smile that much is probably one worth keepin’ around.” She nudges his shoulder and he chuckles a little, his gaze returning to the man in question.

“You’re the second person who’s asked me about him recently.” He seems to collect his thoughts for a moment. “...He reminds me a lot of Riley, sometimes.”

Sarah nods, having expected something like that. “Is it the same?” Sam and Riley had always been close, but she had never seen them get physically close the way that Sam and Bucky did. Sam shakes his head.

“Some things are better. Some things are...more annoying.”

“It’s okay,” she assures, patting his shoulder as she slides off the truck to stand up. “In case you were wonderin’, I still know everything, and I also happen to know he feels exactly the same about you. He cares about you, and I know you care, too, so it’s up to you to do somethin’ with it.” She grins as a stunned look appears on his face, walking away before he can even think of something to reply with.

She hopes they can get their heads out of their asses and realize it. After all, having Bucky around could be pretty helpful.

5.

“I’m sorry for how things ended down there.” A lie. “But for what it’s worth, suit looks good on you.”

Things had gotten dangerously close for Sharon. Too close. Luckily, though, Sam and Bucky haven’t found out the truth. If they had...well, she doesn’t want to think about what she would have to do if that were the case.

But here he is, their new Captain America, standing there in front of her with a soft chuckle and a slight nod. “Thanks.”

“All right, look, can we get out of here, please?” Bucky interjects, sounding...somewhat annoyed, for some reason. Her abdomen hurts terribly, but it’s not like she can’t handle a single gunshot wound. Still, standing around probably isn’t going to do her any good, so she nods and lets Bucky guide her.

They walk in silence for a little while until she looks at him. His gaze is fixed ahead, maybe lost in thought about something. Her eyes narrow a little. “What was that all about?”

“What was what all about?”

“I mean, you basically cut Sam off. Why’d you wanna leave so bad?” Her interest is peaked when she notices that, despite the fact that his expression barely changes, his ears redden.

Bucky clears his throat. “In case you forgot, you’re kind of bleeding out here, Sharon.”

She huffs. “I told you, I’m fine.” Watching him for a moment, she attempts to piece the puzzle together. His eyes hadn’t left Sam since he returned with Karli’s body. Back at her apartment, he’d seemed almost angry when she had complimented Sam without his shirt on. It dawns on her and she smirks. “Oh, don’t tell me you have a crush.”

His ears redden further. She guessed right.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Why would I like you?” Deflecting the accusation and dissing her all in one go. She’s almost impressed.

“We both know I’m not talking about myself.” She grabs his arm, and they both stop walking. He won’t look her in the eye. “Hey, it’s okay, all right? Your secret’s safe with me.” Of course, unless he gets in her way. That’s a bridge she’ll cross if it comes to it. “For what it’s worth, I think he’s a great candidate for you.”

Bucky frowns, shaking his head a little. “...I don’t wanna talk about this.”

Sighing, she nods. “Of course you don’t. Look, you should just go for it. What do you have to lose?”

A flicker of pain flashes across his face. “Everything,” he mumbles, almost inaudibly.

“Sam wouldn’t leave you if he didn’t feel the same. You shouldn’t hide from him.” She winces, then, not quite sure why she’s giving him advice. If he knew the truth, he’d have left her to die. But she doesn’t dwell on that, feeling his hand on her arm to ground her, and they begin walking again.

Bucky doesn’t say anything else, and neither does Sharon. She might have gone down a different path a long time ago, but she still thinks they both deserve to be happy.

Unless, of course, they get in her way.

+1

It’s late when Bucky comes to Sam’s door, knocking quietly before opening it to stand in the doorway, offering a beer out to him. “Fresh air?”

Sam accepts, and they walk outside together, footsteps sounding in tandem on the empty dock. A fresh sea breeze whips past, but not enough for either of them to get cold, the smell of salt filling their noses and the last couple cries of the seagulls before they settle in for the night.

They stop in front of the boat, admiring the work they had done on it together. Sam breaks the silence first. “Thanks for helpin’ out. With everything.”

Bucky looks at him and nods. “You’re welcome.” A pause. “It’s nice here, you know. Quiet. Nothing like New York.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Yeah, I think it is.”

They gaze at each other for a moment before turning to their bottles. Silence is filled by the quiet crashing of waves in the distance. There’s a tension there that hadn’t been there before; an unspoken understanding of the situation.

Sam looks at Bucky, noticing the way the shadows under his eyes look a little lighter than they had been before. Bucky’s jaw is clenched, showcasing the stubble he’s been letting grow out, and Sam can’t help but think he looks princely.

And Bucky looks at Sam, at the way the moonlight so perfectly etches his features, his eyes bright as they stare back at him. He remembers the way Sam’s eyes crinkle when he smiles, how he reminds him of a sunshine that had pulled him from the deep, dark abyss he had been stuck in after Steve left.

They aren’t sure how long they’ve been standing there, quietly. Two words tear from Bucky’s throat, like he has no choice in the matter. “Sam, I…-”

Instead of answering, Sam steps closer, cupping one of Bucky’s cheeks, smashing their lips together. It’s rough but sweet.  Sam tastes like vanilla. Bucky tastes like beer. And nothing has ever felt so right before.

Sam pulls away and chuckles. “I hope that was what you were gonna say.”

Bucky smiles, though his face is bright red, placing a hand on Sam’s hip to pull him closer. “Somethin’ like that. Want to say it again?”

“I like that idea.”

They suppose they can put the promise of ‘going their separate ways’ on hold for a little while.

[hawkland]

My (mostly) Destiel Recs, Round-up #6

Well, between working like crazy on my DCBB fic and GISH and injuring my neck last month I haven’t kept up with my rec posts, so this one is going to be LONG and have a LOT and I’m going to try to break it up into sections, from oldies but goodies (some things I found on very old rec lists) to smutty delights to just tasty little bits of fluff, hopefully there’s something or everyone here. Most of these are not super-long, largely in the 10-25k range, though there are a few beyond that. With all the stuff I’ve had going on I haven’t wanted to lose sleep diving into 100k epics (especially when I’m writing my own right now, lol.)

“Oldies” but Goodies:  Here are two great fics written some time way back when but that still definitely slap.

Theodicy by manic_intent (11k) - Probably the most brilliant Godstiel fic I’ve read to date. One of Cas’s first acts as the new god is to make a new archangel. Dean isn’t exactly on board with having his soul re-sculpted into wings he hates on sight (especially as they seem magnetically drawn to Cas), but he isn’t exactly given a choice. He, Sam and Bobby struggle with how to handle their former friend suddenly becoming a vindictive deity - trying to make plans to kill him if they must, which is pretty hard when it seems like Cas is always one step ahead of him. Can Dean hold on to enough of his humanity to provide a conscience to Cas and try to steer him toward good acts instead of destruction? This is one that I can’t say has a perfectly happy ending, but it’s a hopeful and imperfect one that’s just right for how the story plays out. 

My Eyes Are An Ocean by entanglednow (10k) - Season 5 AU where Dean averts the apocalypse through a spell that “powers up” all the angels and he sees Cas’s true form - before being rendered blind. Dean tries to adjust to his blindness, Cas tries to deal with his guilt, and it’s just a lovely little read with an ending that’s... *chef’s kiss*

Lots more recs below the cut:

More great reads from some of my favorite authors I’ve recced before:

The Cabin on the Lake by DeanRH (21k) - This may be my new favorite DeanRH fic...at least for the moment. The year is 2152, Sam and Dean are long gone to Heaven, while Cas - stuck somewhere between mortal and angel - remains on Earth keeping vigil, keeping up the hunt, assuming he’ll never see either Winchester ever again. But when he starts hearing things, and imagining Dean visiting him as an angel himself, he starts losing grip on what is and isn’t real, and whether he can trust anything he sees or believes to be the truth. This is one hell of a psychological rollercoaster that kept me guessing right along with Cas until the very end. It also has some super-creepy horror elements, a novel “monster of the week”, and the hot-as-sin smut scenes I always expect from this author.

X Marks the Scot by DeanRH (15.9k) A fun little romp through history in one of this author’s great not-quite-au fics. Crowley sends Dean and Sam back in history to the Scottish Highlands to stop a monster, and while there they meet a blue-eyed clan chief who makes Dean weak in the knees. There’s something familiar about him, too. a very clever au that ties back to canon for an unexpected fix-it. Also, Cas in a kilt. Enough said.

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon by DeanRH (12k) - Sweet and slightly angsty AU. What if Dean was a gardener in ancient Babylon when a strange dignitary came to warn that the tower under construction was to be destroyed by angels? Lush, romantic and sexy with some wonderful tie-ins to canon characterizations (of Dean, Sam, John and of course Cas).

sufficient for thee by angelfishofthelord (21k) - This is a beautiful Cas angst-fest and character study that reimagines how angel grace works, particularly in regards to healing others. It covers the whole of Cas’s arc from Season 4 through a post-series fix-it, is absolutely stunning and features some great world-building in regards to the angels. (One important TW: those with cutting/self-harm issues may wish to skip or at least proceed with caution). I love that I can always count on angelfishofthelord when I need a good dose of Cas!whump and pain.

And laugh at gilded butterflies by ireallydidthistomyself (13k) - another great Dadstiel fic from this author featuring one of my favorite angsty subjects! I don’t know how I missed reading this one before. An AU where Cas is raising (baby)Jack on his own until the angels find the two of them and prepare to seal Jack away in the Ma’lak box. Cas begs them to let him go with Jack, so at least Jack won’t be alone for eternity. Meanwhile Dean is frantically trying to find what happened to Cas, and he gets some unexpected help from Crowley.  It’s sad and sweet and all the characterizations are great. A+ Crowley use here, too.

what stays (and what fades away) by dothraki_shieldmaiden (64k) - a fabulous read with some great art, too, that started me reading a bunch of fic from this author. Cas goes missing, and when he’s found he seems deep under a spell. When they finally manage to awaken him, he doesn’t remember anything of this life with Dean, Sam and Cas in the bunker. The last thing he knew he was a nurse living with his wonderful husband, Dean, and their two adopted children, Jack and Claire. What I loved about this one was the clever twist as to who was behind Cas’s curse and also how well-developed his AU world/existence was. I’m not generally keen on mundane aus or the one-dimensional way a lot of djinn dream fics tend to go for them, but this one managed to capture a believable version of Dean and Cas living a “normal” life without monsters without making it sugary/too-sweet. 

before knowing remembers by dothraki_shieldmaiden (14k) Post 15x04, a wonderful fic that plays with some meta topics in a clever way. Dean and Sam are happy - they have free will and they’ve won against Chuck, even if they suffered some big losses along the way (including Jack). But Dean can’t help but think he’s forgetting something...or rather, someone. Yet every time he thinks he remembers, the name and face of that someone slips from his mind. 

weights on my ankles by dothraki_shieldmaiden (9k) Post-15x03 where Cas ends up going back to the Gas ‘n Sip and working with Nora after leaving the bunker. A bitter sweet divorce-arc AU and what I love the most is how it ends - not perfect, not tragic, just very real and believable. 

15x18 and Post-canon fix-it fics:

Orbital Velocity Around a Celestial Body by LeverDrift (26k) - An angsty but lovely fix-it fic, one where it gets worse for a while before it gets better. Dean pulls Cas from the Empty, where he’d been living in a fantasy world with a dream!Dean who was giving him everything real!Dean is certain he can’t. Dean has to struggle with wondering if Cas would have been better off with dream!Dean instead of him. This is one that will break your heart before putting it back together again as Dean struggles with his self-worth issues.

so good at crashing in by Wintertree (36k) - Another post-finale fix-it where Cas is back, the world is saved, and things are still...not as easy as it should be for either Dean nor Cas. Monsters are gone, there’s no more hunting to be done, and Cas wants to move out of the bunker somewhere closer to Claire, to move on with a proper human life. Dean thinks he can move there with Cas and stay as “best friends”, even to the extent that Cas encourages him to go out and have sex with others/women. (And wants to hear about it after the fact!) But can Dean figure out what he really wants, and what Cas wants as well? A refreshingly unique take on what a post-series life could have looked like for them.

Delicious smut:

Empty by squirrelofcelestialintent (43k) - Every day this fandom makes me rethink my previous squicks and DNWs in fanfic. Here I find myself enjoying quite a bit more dom/sub elements than I normally ever would! I think because I was absolutely drawn in by the breathtaking first chapter, capturing beautifully the emotions of Cas returning from the Empty in Season 13 if he and Dean had confessed their feelings right then and there. But Dean’s self-worth is all fucked up, he feels there’s no way he can be good enough for Cas, especially when his sexual desires run a little bit...let’s just say outside the vanilla and he’s struggling with shame over doing sex work when he was younger. This was HOT and POOR SAM really gets stuck in the middle of, well, hearing more about his brother’s sex life than he ever needed to.

He's My Mate by Hatsonhamburgers (22k) - This fic manages the delightful combination of humor and extreme hotness perfectly. Dean and Cas catch each other in some questionable masturbation situations. This leads Cas to decide he needs to buy Dean some proper sex toys. He’s just helping his best friend out, right? Sure. As I said, hysterical AND hot as hell. 

Generals by nanoochka (9k) - Cas/Dean, Cas/Balthazar/Dean, implied past-Cas/Balthazar. An old LJ fic I found on an ancient rec list that is just scorching hot and a brilliant character study of Cas and Dean. Balthazar decides to invite himself in when he catches Dean and Cas engaging in some frisky business, and it turns into a bit of a power-play between the two soldiers of Heaven. Cas gets DP’ed and it’s all...well. It’s fucking good, read it.

The One With The Preening by HolyFuckingHell (5.5k) Can I do a rec post without including some wing!kink/wing!grooming in it? No, I can’t. (I also really enjoyed some of the other fics in this author’s series including The One With Dean's Horny Movies).

A Single Point of Light by Destina (2.4k) - This is a gorgeous Cas/Dean/Benny Purgatory short! A delicious balance of the two each caring for and caring about Dean in their own, protective ways, definitely a delight for any fans of this threesome.

Short and sweet, fluff to angst:

Snugglebird by almaasi (5.3k) - So, so soft and sweet and snuggly, just like the title. Dean’s things are disappearing from the bunker...and so, suddenly, has Cas. What’s going on? I do love my nesting!Cas fics, so...yeah. If you need a smile this is a good one to read :)

And Cleanse Me From My Sin by thisisapaige (1.6k) - another one for my beloveds who also enjoy wing grooming and sweet Dean-taking-care-of-Cas fluff.

Needle and Thread by Misachan (4k) - Season 5 wing!fic hurt/comfort. Cas’s wings are badly injured, Dean doesn’t quite know what he’s doing, but he’s stitched up Sam and himself enough times. He can do this. If you love caretaker!Dean and vulnerable!Cas don’t overlook this little gem.

Deceptive Preludes by sp8ce (2.7k) - One of those stories that delves into some of the difficulties Cas might have after coming back from the Empty a second time, especially in regards to accepting what’s real or not, understanding Dean, and how both of their communication issues can add to their struggles. Painful but hopeful for the future, felt very believable as I read it.

[suspiciouslyheterosexualbehavior]

TF2 classes rated by how well I’d do against them in a 1v1 fistfight

I woke up this morning feeling particularly arrogant and in my hubris I have decided to make a list where I completely accurately rate how well I’d do in a barehanded, no-weapons, classic caveman fisticuffs against the mercenaries. Let’s begin.

Scout: Were it not for Merasmus, this idiot would be the lowest on the food chain. He is spindly, and granted he is fast and can double jump, he probably weighs half as much as me. If I sat on this guy I’d win.

Final verdict: 0/10, I will break you like a biscuit, little boy

Soldier: This one’s all about strategy. There is no way I would win against a man that Rocket Jumps so regularly he probably uses it as a means to go to the grocery store in a completely fair fight. I seek to win, and so does he, and he might do it by snapping my neck like I’d snap Scout’s fragile ankles, and that means I’ll have to use my brain before he does so. If I tell him there’s something amazing behind him throughout the entire fight, he will fall for it every time, granting me victory.

Final verdict: 5/10, Really hope we’re gonna be wrestling around naked and covered in honey for this one

Pyro: Maybe I would avoid hurting a wonderful little frog like this if I wasn’t absolutely bathing in hubris as of right now, but since I am, I’ll tell you that I am looking at this one and I know I can win, so long I keep my language clean and don’t make fun of fire. Which is easy, since I love fire type Pokemon.

Final Verdict: 3/10, Just because everyone else is scared of you doesn’t mean I have to be

Demoman: Oh, this one might get tricky. Any idiot would think that as long as Demo is drunk, they can win, but Demo is always drunk, you fucking dumbass. Not a day goes by without him being absolutely wasted, and he has a canonically beautiful and romantic relationship with his liver, so waiting for him to die from liver failure won’t work either. Plus, this guy definitely has been in bar fights. He’s probably an expert on drunken fighting at this point. Though if I can make him fall asleep and forget why he was fighting me in the first place, I could probably win.

Final Verdict: 7/10, I can still win, especially if I also get wasted

Heavy: Yeah, listen. I’m pumped full of the kind of stuff that God-slaying anime protagonists bleed before the final boss battle. But Heavy? I can’t win. Sascha weighs several times my own weight, and this guy pulls her around all day like a fucking accessory bag. Oh, don’t worry, I’ll absolutely try to win, but my chances of Heavy continuously fucking up throughout the fight, as if God is rolling Nat 1s for his every check, are pretty low. He’s not even that stupid, so I can’t trick him more than once or twice. I’ll have one chance to go for his weak legs, because I know he skips leg day, but after that? If I haven’t felled him? I’m going to get thrown like a beach ball.

Final Verdict: 10/10, If I start crying maybe he’ll feel bad enough and let me win by default

Engineer: Now I am an Engineer main and simp, I really like this guy a lot, so entering a fight with nothing but out hands as weapons would, for most people, seem like a loss no matter what for me. Not so, idiots; I love fighting my beloved ones in an old-timey fashion, and it won’t change this time just because I happen to be in love with Mister Dell Cohnager. Engie is a laid-back nerd, so his strength, while heavily amplified by his mechanical hand, is lacking. On top of that, I’m 99% he’s a lot shorter than me, and since I’m a Jock, I will have a natural advantage over him in a fight. He unfortunately has an advantage over me by having a sexy Texan drawl and a deep voice, and if he smiles I might actually fucking die, so it’s a bit of a 50-50.

Final Verdict: 5/10, That helmet wont save you from these hands, but neither will my hands save me from that Cowboy Charm of yours

Sniper: While this man isn’t exactly incompetent, he’s still only right above Scout in regards to strength by my totally accurate calculations. He’s skinny, and most of the time he doesn’t even move around like Scout does, but pisses in a jar while waiting to shoot someone in the head from very far away. Since we’ll be going at it barehanded, I have an actual proper chance of decking this guy, and if I am feeling especially cruel, I can use his crippling depression against him to win by default. And I do feel cruel right now.

Final Verdict: 1/10, Get some therapy and come back to me for a rematch, buddy

Medic: As similar with Engineer, I do actually like this guy a bunch, but I don’t have a crush on him. Unfortunately, I’m a Tank main by heart, and while I don’t main Heavy, the urge to protect Healers from harm is stronger than my urge to hurt them. Should I somehow override this base instinct and become like those smelly little French backstabbers that feel no remorse at flaying Medics from behind, I might win against Medic in a fair fight. I wouldn’t know what to use against him psychologically, but I know he will be trying to do it to me. Whether it works or not is up to the unforgiving tides of fate.

Final Verdict: 4/10, I don’t know if I’ll feel great punching a guy with glasses, but Medic will be in Hell with me once we both die, so I can just apologize there

Spy: If I see a spy or suspect someone is one, I will maul them like a bear. I have something personal against them, yes, maybe because I’m an Engineer and Medic main, but that’s besides the point, really. I know I can absolutely win in a fight against this man, even if he had his watch and knife. Stab me in the back all you want, buddy, but I’m not stopping till either your kneecaps or your windpipe is crushed.

Final Verdict: 0/10, Fuck you I’m going to pee on your suit

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Duplicitous

Warnings: noncon/dubcon elements (rough sex, oral, cuckolding), deception.

This is dark!Loki and ft. some Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: Loki is new to the team but receives a cool welcome from those at the Avengers compound. Assigned to complete his orientation, you try to start anew with the former villain of New York.

Note: Still working on Omerta and From Eden. Tbh, the last week has been a tough one mentally but I’m working on that. I’ve also been all over the place helping my mother get settled after moving to town. Whatever, life is life. Thanks to all your wonderful people.

Leave some feedback, like and reblog if you can <3

It was a long morning. Much of it had been spent with Tony and as any other meeting with the man, it swung between amiability and antagonism. It was easy to guess why he was agitated as he was determined to thrust the crux of his displeasure upon you. Tony was never one to just roll over and he held a grudge well, but he wasn’t heartless and Thor was one of his best. 

It was only unfortunate that the Asgardian had deemed himself a package deal. If his home was to be Earth, it wouldn’t be his brother’s too. Loki was different now, he sought redemption, to right his wrongs. It was a hard sell but the god was relentless and as usual, he prevailed.

“I want you to make this hell,” Tony’s words echoed in your head as you flipped through the workplace standards binder. “You are going to go through this with a fine tooth comb until that jackass can’t take anymore.”

These things were never easy. Going over protocol, safety regulations, workplace behaviour and etiquette. Usually you did your best to condense it all to make it more palatable; as much for you as the new hires. Now Tony wanted you to torture this man via dry ordinances as he wasn’t allowed to do so physically. The boss wouldn’t sign off until he was sure Loki suffered, though you were just as certain Tony had no plans to sign off on anything.

You checked the clock, it was almost noon already. You’d set up the conference room for your first session. The binders and files stacked neatly on one end as you sat in the middle. 

You rose and looked through the transparent wall. Pepper’s heels raced by as she hurried to Tony’s office with her phone at her ear. The usual chaos of the tower.

You stepped out into the hall and made your way to the kitchen and popped a capsule in the machine before you found a mug. You added water to the machine and listened to the whir as it spat orange pekoe from its nozzle. You hated the little pods of leaves but you didn’t have time to wait on the kettle. You added a touch of milk and checked your watch before you stole one of the scones left in the box Pepper had strolled in with that morning.

You cradled the crummy scone in a paper towel and as you neared the conference room, you found a broad pair of shoulders awaiting you. You had still not grown used to Thor’s lack of hair. Loki’s dark head appeared just on the other side of him and your dread sank into your stomach.

“Hey,” You approached. “Just in time.”

“My lady!” Thor boomed as he turned to greet you. “How are you?”

“Well, and you?” You couldn’t help but smile. “How is the city treating you so far?”

“We have seen many things,” He announced. “Many delicious foods.”

Loki was silent, his eyes dull as he resisted rolling them at his brother. 

“And are you doing more exploring today?” You wondered.

“Eh, I gotta see Tony but I figured I’d see Loki in for his first day,” He lowered his voice. “I told him to behave.”

“I can hear you,” Loki grumbled.

“Yes, well you already know I told you to behave,” Thor said. “So… behave.”

“Yes, mother,” Loki replied snidely.

Thor huffed and shook his head.

“I fear I’ve set him into a mood already,” Thor said. “I apologize.”

Loki blinked in exasperation but said nothing.

“Well, I guess we should begin and you should see Tony sooner than later,” You offered. “He called for the jet so he might not be here much longer.”

“Thank you,” Thor clapped your shoulder. “I promise, he has changed.”

You nodded and gave a weak smile. Thor left you and you turned to Loki. He stared at you a moment then his eyes drifted to the transparent door.

“Allow me,” He pushed the door inward and stepped inside to let you past. 

You looked down at your full hands and thanked him as you entered. You set your mug and scone down but didn’t touch them. You had hoped to enjoy them before his arrival but for once, Thor was timely. Or perhaps that was Loki’s doing. He seemed the more stringent of the two.

“Loki,” You waved to the chair across from you. “Nice to meet you.”

“Again,” He neared slowly and grabbed the back of the chair. “Did you forget?”

“A brief meeting, yes,” You said. “But I’ve been told you weren’t yourself.”

He sat carefully and leaned an elbow on the arm of the chair.

“I remember it though,” He assured you.

“I tend to remember other events that day a little more clearly,” You countered. 

“Mmm,” His brow twitched. “Yes, you Midgardians do cling to the more extreme details of my last visit.”

You wanted to scoff. Your last meeting had very nearly killed you. As creatures flew upon strange machines outside the windows of Stark Tower and buildings were decimated, you had caught a piece of shrapnel as one of the invaders crashed through the windows. You still wore the scar across your side; still remembered the god behind Tony’s bar, lecturing you upon your inferiority.

“This is a new start,” You slid a binder over to him. “Though not an exciting one.”

His fingers tapped on the blue cover as you opened your own and took a sip of your tea. 

“What is this?” He opened his slowly.

“The rules,” You answered. “Combat regulations, mission protocol, office standards… the fun stuff.”

“And did my brother have to sit through this tripe?” He asked.

“Your brother didn’t try to invade New York,” You said sharply. “And Tony likes him.”

“Ah, Stark,” He smirked. “Of course.”

“Did you want a tea? Anything to drink?” You asked.

His eyes flicked up and he considered you. “Very kind, but I’d rather we just begin.”

“Right,” You looked down and took a breath. “Probably best.”

🐍

The clock at the end of the room read past six. You yawned and rubbed your eyes. All the little quizzes and evaluations Tony had tacked on were taking a lot longer than you expected. Loki looked just as uninterested though he read along all the same and had yet to falter. 

You sniffed and leaned back in your chair. 

“Ready to call it a day?” You asked.

“Up to you,” He said coolly. “To be honest, it has been slightly preferable to my brother’s grating presence. Slightly.”

“He’s not that bad,” You chuckled.

“He’s not your brother,” Loki countered. “Have you ever had the pleasure of eating with him? It’s disgusting.”

You held back another laugh and shook your head. Your eyes caught a figure on the other side of the clear wall. Steve squinted through and pointed at Loki with a tilt of his head. You blinked and shrugged. Loki noticed and glanced over his shoulder.

“Ah,” He slowly turned back. “The golden avenger has returned.”

“Well…” You tapped your fingers on the table. “I am, uh, late.”

“Late?” He raised his brows.

Steve went to the door and opened it carefully.

“Sorry to interrupt,” He poked his head in. But I’ve been, uh…” He looked at Loki warily. “Texting you.”

“We were just finishing up,” You assured him. 

“Hello, Captain,” Loki pivoted his chair.

“Steve,” The other man corrected. “Thanks.”

“Ah,” Loki’s mouth twitched and he looked between the two of you. He stood up and turned back to you. “I didn’t realise. I shall see myself out.”

“We’ll pick this up tomorrow. Same time,” You said. 

“I look forward to it,” He said dryly.

Loki took the black jacket he’d slung over the back of his chair halfway through your session and nodded at Steve as he slipped past him. He strode along the wall and offered a two finger wave before he disappeared. Steve watched him with hands on his hips.

“What--”

“You haven’t talked to Tony?”

“I didn’t think he was serious,” Steve turned to you. “He didn’t--”

“Oh, you guys need to calm down,” You rolled your eyes. “He was perfectly… tame.”

You pulled out your phone and saw several notifications from Steve, along with a few emails. One was marked with a red exclamation which deemed it urgent and you opened it up. You glossed through it quickly.

“Steve,” You looked up. “You didn’t?--”

“It was Bucky too,” He said evasively. “We were just doing our job.”

“You collapsed a bridge,” You frowned. “Why is it always you?”

“No casualties,” He pleaded.

“Only me,” You scowled. “I’ll be buried in the paperwork.”

He lowered his chin guiltily. He neared shyly as you packed up your bag.

“How can I ever make it up to you?” He touched your arm.

You narrowed your eyes at him as you collected your mug and half-eaten scone.

“Cheesecake?” He smiled. 

“You can’t buy me with dessert,” You brushed past him and he followed you out into the hall.

“Really?” He said. “I know you like a little whip cream on top.” You entered the kitchen and rinsed out the cup and placed it in the rack. “But… we could try it on something else.”

You faced him and fought not to smirk. You shook your head.

“So the cheesecake is… foreplay?”

“Part of it,” He got closer and his hand settled on your hip. 

“Hmm,” You hummed as his lips hovered over yours. “Strawberry cheesecake?”

“My favourite,” He purred and kissed you. 

🐍

The next day, you found Loki waiting in the conference room. You had spent your morning trying to clean up after the super soldiers. You pushed through the clear door and rounded the table as you greeted Loki.

“You’re early,” You said as you took your seat. The binders were as they had been the day before.

“All the better to get this over with,” He said as you sat and rolled your chair closer to the table.

“You know, I am starting to think it would be a lot easier if you and Tony just had it out,” You opened the binder. “Well, easier for me.”

Loki snickered and flipped through his own binder.

“You and the golden boy,” He ventured as you found the right page. “Adorable.”

You glanced up at him and furrowed your brow. You cleared your throat and looked back to the pages.

“So, we were going over required training.” You said.

“Is that allowed in your little Midgardian handbook?” He prodded.

“We will cover that,” You assured him. “Not that I think you need to worry about it.”

“Hmm, no,” He mused. “I wouldn’t.”

You sat back and sighed.

“It might be easier if you at least tried to make friends here,” You said. 

“Friends?” He lifted a brow. “Who should I start with? Stark? Oh, I’m sure he’d be open to a little reconciliation. Or maybe Rogers? Hmm? He really seems the forgiving type. Or that little redhead thing? She seems peaceable.”

“You could begin with me,” You offered. “I’m not here to provoke you.”

He blinked and shifted in his chair.

“Have I been unkind?” He wondered.

“Not exactly,” You answered. “But not everything needs to be a… snipe.”

He considered you and his hand spread over the binder.

“It wasn’t meant to be,” He said evenly. “I bear you no hostility, though perhaps I do owe you an apology.”

“Apology?” You echoed.

“Regardless of the circumstance, I said what I said that day, it was cruel and there is no excuse,” He said. “You were wounded and I would have watched you die. It might have been a different version of me, but it was me. I apologise.”

“You don’t have to--” You touched your side without thinking. “Thank you.”

“And I will do my best to withhold my contempt. You do not deserve it.”

You were a bit shocked by his candour. You pressed your lips together and straightened the binder in front of you.

“That’s a good start,” You said. “So, now that’s cleared up…”

“What page was it?” He nodded and looked to his binder. He leaned it against the edge of the table as his eyes roved over the tight font. 

🐍

The rest of the week went much the same. However, Tony’s plan to chip away at Loki seemed not to be working as your patience wore away and the Asgardian remained ever stoic. He was almost amused as he humoured your Midgardian codes. 

Your weekend was well earned but didn’t allow for much rest. Steve was due to leave again that week so you had to squeeze what time you could out of him. It could be a couple days, or a week, or two. He could never really say and you never expected him to. You knew how it was when you got into the relationship.

All the while, you tried to catch up on the work delayed by Tony’s pointless ploy to drive Loki out. You hated that he had chosen you for this though you doubted he’d trust any other to do so.

On Monday, Loki was late. You were surprised. He had always been annoyingly early. You texted Steve and he replied with a heart emoji. The door whisked open and had your phone face down on the table. Loki sat heavily across from you, a scrape across his forehead and a split in his lip. His cheek was slightly swollen beneath his eye but he seemed barely fazed by his injuries.

“Oh my god,” You said. “What happened to you?”

“Training,” He smiled and hissed as the gesture pulled at the cut. “My brother… got a bit carried away.”

“And how does he look?”

“To the detriment of my pride, better than I do,” He said. “I did try to restrain myself, though my tongue does not obey me as well as my body.”

“Let me get you some ice,” You stood.

“Really, I’m fine.” He insisted.

“You’re bleeding.” You said as blood began to trickle from the split in his lip.

“I thought I’d stemmed it,” He reached up. “Forgive my lateness.”

“That’s the last thing I’m worried about,” You scoffed. “One second.”

You went to the kitchen and grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and the first aid kit from beneath the counter. You returned to Loki and set your wares down. You flipped open the metal box and grabbed an alcohol wipe.

“Did you clean the cuts at least?” You asked.

“I can handle it,” He assured you.

“Sorry, sorry,” You flicked the packet. “I sound just like my mother right now.”

“I do appreciate it though.” 

He took the little paper packet and tore it open. He blindly wiped the cut along his hairline and that on his lip. You offered him some gauze and he thanked you before he pressed it to his lip. When the blood slowed, he grabbed the ice pack and held it to his cheek.

He stood and you quickly backed away as he tossed his mess in the bin. You packed up the kit as he sat again.

“Thank you,” He said again and you pushed aside the metal box.

“You know, it’s not too uncommon to have a bloody lip here,” You rounded the table and sat across from him. “You good though?”

“Very,” He said with a slight smirk. “I have been anticipating this section most fervently.” He opened the file before him. “Office etiquette. I suppose I am sorely lacking in that.”

You almost laughed at his quip. He wasn’t so cold as that first day and you no longer saw the villainous invader before you. You saw someone wildly out of place. For a moment, you felt bad for him. The glimmer in his eyes quickly smothered it and you wondered for a moment. This was Loki; he could more than handle himself.

🐍

Steve showed up only a couple hours later and waved at you through the glass. He had his bag. He was leaving. You tried not to stutter as you continued reading through the clauses before you and Loki seemed barely bothered by your momentary lapse. You swept a paper out of another folder.

“So, another pop quiz,” You said sourly. “While you fill that out, I’ll just excuse myself for a moment.”

“Very well,” He accepted and played with the pen. 

“Ten minutes.” You promised as you stood and slid the paper to him.

He nodded and looked dully at the sheet. You hurried around the table and out into the hall. Steve retreated and you followed so you could not be seen through the transparent wall.

“Going?” You asked glumly.

“I shouldn’t be long. It’s an easy in and out.” He rubbed your arm.

“Oh? And who’s going with you?” You asked.

“Um, Sam,” He said.

“Ha, sure, easy,” You kidded. 

“And what about him?” Steve nodded to the conference room. “How long’s this gonna take?”

“Well, with all Tony’s bookmarks, probably the rest of my life,” You grumbled.

“Gee,” He frowned. “I don’t envy you.”

“Rub it in,” You huffed. “I’ll miss you.”

“You too,” He leaned in to kiss you.

Your lips met and you grabbed onto his shoulder. You wanted to kiss him forever just to make him stay. But he had to go and you had to get back to work.

“While interoffice relationships are permitted so long as the proper legal protocol is followed, open displays of affection are prohibited as they are unprofessional and unseemly in the workplace and may lead to discomfort of others.” Loki’s voice cut through the air.

You pulled away from Steve and looked to him aghast. You heard Steve sigh and he hitched his duffle up on his arm. Loki held up the paper and grinned.

“Sorry to interrupt but I finished and… well, I think I’ve learned a lot,” He taunted.

“Apparently,” You turned back to Steve as he glared at Loki. “Sorry, I gotta go but… let me know when you can that you’re safe.”

“Of course,” He tore his eyes from Loki. “I love you.”

“You too,” You patted his chest. “See ya.”

“Yeah,” He shook his head and shot Loki one last sneer. “Bye.”

You watched Steve go and turned back to Loki. You hid your irritation and neared to take his paper.

“Thanks,” You said as you swept back into the conference room.

You sat and checked his work. Perfect, as ever. You were certain he didn’t care about any of this but he never wavered. You added it to the pile and looked up at him. He leaned back in his chair coolly.

“Did I pass, teacher?” He teased.

“Why did you do that?” You asked.

“Just practicing my learning,” He smirked.

You shook your head at him and flipped the page.

“Moving on,” You said.

“Must be difficult. Being apart so much.”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” You said. “It’s personal.”

“Apologies,” He said. “I was only attempting small talk.”

“It’s okay,” You said. “I just… to be quite honest, I’m cursing Tony as much as you probably are.”

🐍

Another week of tedium and you were ready to tap out. And you were further irritated that Loki showed no sign of distress. He was just as cool as ever as you went through the ridiculous mandates. Just as irksome as you glanced at your phone between sections. His curious, almost taunting eyes, lit up along with your screen.

But you kept on and on Friday, you let him leave a full twenty minutes early. You stayed another hour as you caught up on the rest of your workload. You barely made a dent but you just wanted to go home and hide in bed. Your empty bed. You hoped Steve would return soon.

You yawned as you drove to your building. Your fatigue mounted as you rode the elevator to your floor and neared the door of your condo. It was unlocked. You hesitated and pushed inside. You blinked as you looked around. The lamp in the living room was on but no other light shone and nothing seemed out of place.

You stepped further inside as you dug your hand into your purse and clutched the can hidden in its depths. Another light came from your bedroom door and you carefully crept down the hall in your heels to peek inside. You pulled out the can and screamed as a shadow appeared in the doorway.

You didn’t have a chance to spray the mace as it was batted out of your hand and the surprised chuckle eased your fears. Steve grabbed your arms as he steadied you. He was freshly showered and smelled of his sandalwood soap. He wore only the pair of old grey sweats with the hole in the knee. You shook your head at yourself and smiled.

“When did you get back?” You asked.

“About an hour ago. Didn’t think I’d beat you home but I had to try,” His hands slipped from your arms and he embraced you. “You miss me?”

“Did you miss me?” You countered.

“Of course,” He bent and kissed your lips, rocking you slightly. He pulled away and lifted a brow. “You look tired. Too tired?”

You giggled and hit his chest. He released you and slid your purse from your arm.

“Don’t worry, I can do all the work,” He offered. “You just get… comfortable.”

He backed away and set your bag on his dresser. You glanced at the chair where you usually put it and shrugged. You stepped out of your shoes and tucked them down beside the dresser. You stood and removed your blazer. Steve moved slowly to the bed and dropped down on his stomach as he watched you, his head cradled in his hand.

You felt like blushing. He hadn’t been like this in a while. The last few times he returned, he’d been tired; quiet. You gave him his space and he came to you after a while. You knew he needed the chance to decompress but sometimes it felt like he thought your time without him was easier. That your job was easier.

You unbuttoned your blouse and tossed it over the chair, shimmied out of your trousers and let them wrinkle on the seat. Your back ached from sitting all day in the chair and your muscles were tense from weeks sitting across from Loki. He was easier to deal with but that little glimmer of paranoia remained.

You unhooked your bra and swung it around before you let it fly across the room. You laughed as Steve hummed and you teasing pushed your fingers under the elastic of your panties. You paused and gave him a cheeky look. He groaned and perked up.

“You need help?” He asked.

“Well, not with these,” You shoved the panties down your thighs and they fell to your feet. “But I wouldn’t mind a nice massage. My back is killing me.”

“Hmm,” He sat up. His pants did little to hide his impatience. “I could do a massage.”

He patted the bed as he shuffled back to the edge. You went to the bed and climbed up. You eased yourself down onto the mattress, your face nestled between the pillows as you sighed. His hand brushed your leg and ran up to squeeze your ass. He urged your legs apart and moved between them.

“You’re tense,” He said as he pushed his hands over your ass and up your back. His fingers traced the scar along your side and lingered there. It was always so sensitive and made you shiver.

“It’s been a long week,” You turned your head to speak.

“Oh yeah?” He wondered. “He… giving you a hard time?”

“Not really but… I don’t wanna think about work.”

“Then don’t,” He ran his thumbs along your shoulder blades and drew a groan from you. 

You turned back to the pillows and stretched your arms up around your head. His hands kept moving, firm, attentive, magic. Your voice got louder and louder as he found the knots and the little aches perfectly. It was rare for him to be so thorough. Often he was thinking so much about what came next, he barely glossed across your flesh.

He gripped your hips and you felt his breath on your skin. He laid a trail of kisses along your back; lower, lower, lower. He dragged his lips over your ass and nibbled your thigh, then your other. He urged your pelvis up and you obliged. You bent your legs just a little to support yourself, your head buried in the pillows.

He got down on his elbows as he pushed his head between your legs and slid his tongue along your folds. He gently began to lap and your thighs began to tingle. The flick of his tongue grew more deliberate as he brought his hand up to tease your clit. He poked your entrance with his tongue and hummed.

Your fingers closed around the duvet and you lifted your head. You whined as you felt the pressure building. You breathed through your teeth and your entire body shook. You were surprised by your orgasm, how quickly it swelled and crashed. Your thighs quivered and you bit down on the corner of the pillow as you came.

He kept on and you whimpered. Your voice floated around you as your entire being buzzed. His purrs sent a shiver along your spine as his tongue kept on. Then you heard your name. A hollow tone. Confused, familiar.

The warmth of Steve’s mouth left your cunt and you turned. Frantic you stared at the man in the doorway of your bedroom. You looked between him and the identical figure kneeling on the end of the bed. What the fuck?

The Steve in the doorway stormed the other. They met at the end of the bed and you were almost crushed beneath them as you backed up against the headboard. Scared, you watched them tussle until they rolled onto the floor with a crash. The grunts were startlingly similar.

You crawled across the bed and looked down at the struggle. The panic brewed in your chest. You hopped off and grabbed the naked Steve’s shoulder.

“Get off! What’s going on?!” You pulled and found yourself flung back. 

You tried to grab him again and found yourself drawn back by an invisible force around your neck. You were dragged back to the bed, almost choking as the blankets wrinkled beneath you as you tried to latch onto them. You stopped at the headboard and felt along your throat, a searing pain in your palm as the unearthly bound tightened.

You kicked out and the sounds of struggle seemed to fade. You heard Steve groan and watched the naked one stand. He went to the chair and dumped your clothes from it. He carried it to the end of the bed and lifted the other onto the seat. Eerie green lights wrapped around his wrists and ankles, a thicker one snaked around his throat and his lashes fluttered as he tried to blink away his daze.

“What--” 

As the naked Steve turned to you, his blond hair darkened to black and his broad shoulders shrunk, a slightly slimmer and taller figure before you. You wriggled and tried to pull at the restraint at your throat once more. You hissed as your hands burned terribly and rescinded them.

“Why?” You kicked your legs and they were stilled by the same odd green glow. “Loki! Stop.”

“Stop? Why, dear…” He turned and slapped Steve’s cheek. Steve shook his head and his blue eyes seemed to focus. “...you were just starting to have fun.”

“Leave him alone,” You tried to get up but were drawn back even more. Your arms were forced out and your ankles tugged further apart. “Loki!”

“Oh, I love to hear my name on your lips,” He purred as he came closer. 

He drew a slow circle in the air and your body turned so your head was at the foot of the bed. He knelt and turned your head as he pressed his lips to yours. He devoured you as he pushed his tongue into your mouth.

“Loki!” Steve barked and you heard the chair creak slightly before he cried out. “Lo-ki!” His voice was strained. “Don’t touch--”

Steve’s shouts fizzled out as Loki drew away. You were flipped sharply onto your stomach and you squealed as your head spun. Loki climbed up swiftly and straddled your ass. He ran his hands over your back and squeezed your shoulders. 

He leaned over you and grabbed a handful of your hair. He lifted your head so your eyes met Steve’s. 

“You want to hate me, Rogers, but you haven’t any reason,” He taunted. “So let me give you one.”

“What do you think Thor will do when he finds out? Tony will--”

“You can tell my brother but he’s forgiven me worse and Tony, well, he could have an unfortunate accident in that lab of his,” Loki slithered. “Or maybe this darling little toy might break before I’m done with her. Pity.”

“You--”

“Would.” Loki insisted as he dropped your head and sat back. He hit the back of your head roughly. “This isn’t love, Rogers. It’s not even a crush. This is just… fun.” His fingers crept down your back as he slid back. “Oh, wouldn’t it be a scandal; the golden avenger murders his own lover. Even if it was an accident, well, that serum of yours… dangerous stuff.”

“No one would believe--” Steve choked before he could finish.

“You think I couldn’t make them? What reason do I have to frame you? And it would be easy enough to stage it all.” Loki preened as he poked between your legs. He rubbed your folds as he spoke. “What they believe hardly matters if she’s gone, eh, Rogers?”

You croaked as the force squeezed your neck and you flailed as you gulped for breath. 

“Stop! Stop!” Steve pleaded. The pressure relented and you coughed and gasped. “Loki, please… don’t hurt her.”

“Oh, I never intended to hurt her,” Loki shoved his fingers inside you and you whimpered. “In fact, quite the opposite. Weren’t you having fun, darling?” You closed your eyes and he pinched your thigh. “Darling?”

“Y-yes,” You murmured into the mattress. “Please--”

“Shhh, you don’t have to beg,” He keened. “But I do love to hear it.”

He pushed his legs between yours as he continued to finger you. You could hear Steve’s heavy, angry breaths. Your own were shallow and frantic. Loki spread his fingers and you felt another prod at your entrance. He held you open as he slipped in; two fingers still in you as his cock stretched your walls. 

He impaled you and pulled his fingers out. He sighed as he wiggled his pelvis and lifted your ass. He got even deep as his hands grasped your hips. You sniffled as you fought the heat behind your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Steve uttered. You heard the chair wobble but still again as he let out an agonized growl.

“No,” You gulped. “I’m sorry. I didn’t--”

Loki pulled back and slammed into you. You squeaked and he did it again.

“You can have your little reunion when I’m done,” He thrust so hard the bed jolted with each tilt of his hips. “Oh, look at her. She’s shaking again.”

He sped up, a little at a time, until he was hammering into you. You ached from his relentless rhythm and tugged against the bonds. He bent over you and hooked his arms under your shoulders and pulled you up. He bounced you against him, your thighs draped over his as he worked your body.

You bit your lips and turned your head. You couldn’t look at Steve.

“He can’t look away,” Loki whispered in your ear. “I made sure of it.”

You whined as he continued to use you. His hand slid down to your clit as his other arm wrapped around your chest. He pounded into you from below as he began to rub. You felt the same sudden rise. The same irresistible tickle. You gritted your teeth and moaned.

You let out a pathetic sob as you came. Your entire body convulsed and you pushed your head back against Loki’s shoulder. His breath glossed over your cheek and he bent to press his lips to your flesh. He nuzzled further down and bit into your neck. He snarled as he thrust into you hard and deep.

He shuddered as his hips spasmed and he rocked through his orgasm. He came inside you, a sickly flood of warmth. Your arms were kept suspended to either side of you as you struggled to get away from him. You hung your head and squeezed your eyes shut.

He pulled out and let you fall forward. You caught your breath and slowly moved your hand to your throat. You raised yourself shakily and looked to Steve. His eyes were glassy, his lips parted, his face pale.

“Steve,” You reached out to him. 

As you made to climb off the bed, you flew back to the mattress, flat on your back. Loki strode around the bed as he snickered. He pushed his long hair away from his face.

“Now, now, you don’t think that’s it, darling.” He licked his lips as he came to the end of the bed and stood between you and Steve. “We have two weeks to make up for. Two. Grueling. Weeks.”

[davidmann95]

now that it's over, thoughts on Bendis' Superman as a whole?

pretenderoftheeast said: So, thoughts on Bendis' Superman and Action Comics' tenure altogether and separately now that it's over?

Anonymous said: Best and Worst things about Bendis' Superman run

Anonymous said: Now that it is over, what are your thoughts on Bendis' runs on Superman and Action Comics as a whole?

Anonymous said: Retrospective thoughts on Bendis' Superman as a whole now that it's, I guess, done?

Anonymous said: Hey so since Bendis’ Superman stuff seems to be done, what did you think of the run as a whole?

I decided to hold off a bit on writing on this one, if only so that I could reread the Action Comics side of it since Superman stood out in my memory a lot more. But now I have, and as we’re heading into a bold new era of Superman (and it’s coming in fast - just since I made my Superman in 2021 predictions we’ve gotten Ed Pinsent finally reprinting his legendary bootleg Silver Age Superman, Steve Orlando announcing his Superman analogue book Project Patron, an official shonen Superman redesign for RWBY/Justice League, PKJ’s Super-debut turning out far better than I ever expected, Superman & Lois’s first proper trailer largely taking people pleasantly by surprise, and my learning that there’s a Sylvester Stallone Old Man Superman analogue movie titled Samaritan coming out this summer) we’re ready to take a look back with at least a touch of perspective. I’ll lead with complaints, so everybody who’s been waiting for me to say that Bendis on Superman was Bad, Actually, savor this because it’s as close as you’ll get.

The Bad

* I hate to say it, but rereading that side of the run there’s no two ways about it: the structure of Action Comics as a whole is a mess. It baffled me from day one that it was the more acclaimed of the two books for so long - I guess people are hardwired at this point to think of ‘street’ stuff as where Bendis is supposed to be - because it was immediately clear that Superman had a well-defined story he wanted to tell, while Action was the usual Bendis off-the-cuff improvisation. It’s barely even a story in the same way, and it’s certainly not the ‘Metropolis crime book’ people took it as: it’s 28 issues of Superman and his supporting cast stuffed a pinball machine with the Red Cloud pinging off of each other as we wait to see who falls in the hole at the bottom, and partway through Leviathan and the Legion of Doom and 90s Superboy are tossed into the mix to keep it going a little longer. On an issue-to-issue basis it’s frequently really good, but the core plot of the book is *maybe* six issues stretched out over two and a half years.

* I’ve gone into this some before, but structure-wise Unity Saga also has problems: Phantom Planet rules but either it needed to be cut or the back half needed to be a year all its own in order to accommodate the scale of what it’s attempting. It’s got an interstellar civil war leading into the formation of the United Planets, family drama, Rogol Zaar’s whole deal, and Jon’s coming of age, and I’d say only that last one is really properly served. Even Jon forming the United Planets, while contextually somewhat justified in terms of 1. The situation being so far gone he’s the only one who’d even think in those terms, 2. Things being bad enough that these assorted galactic powers would be willing to try it, and 3. Him having the S on his chest to sell it, isn’t at all built up to within the run itself.

* Rogol Zaar sucks. He’s made up of nothing but interesting ideas - he’s an ersatz warrior ‘superman’ of a bygone age of empires up against the new model, he’s the sins of Krypton as a conservative superpower come home to roost, he’s while not outright said to be definitely Superman’s tragic half-brother and the culmination of everything this run does with Jor-El - but none of them manifest on the page, he’s just a big punchy dude with a dumb design who screams about how you should take him seriously because he’s totally the one who blew up Krypton. Even a killer redesign by Ryan Sook for Legion of Superheroes can’t fix that. There are lots of bad villains with good ideas who are redeemed with time and further effort, but I can’t imagine Zaar getting that TLC to become a fraction of whatever Bendis envisioned him as.

* The second year of Action Comics, after establishing itself in its first as one of the most consistently gorgeous books on the stands, leads with Szymon Kudranski’s weak output and then concludes with John Romita Jr. turning in some career-worst work. The latter is particularly egregious because for that first year Bendis writes a really collected, gentle Superman so him getting pushed into being more aggressive should have an impact, but Romita draws such a craggy rough-looking Superman in the first place that it mutes any sort of shock value.

 * WE NEVER LEARN WHAT’S UP WITH LEONE’S CAR, WHAT THE HELL. You don’t just DROP THAT IN THERE and then NEVER FOLLOW UP.

The Good

* Superman got his real clothes back after 7 truly ridiculous years.

* Bendis fundamentally gets Clark’s voice in a way unlike almost any other writer - even all-around better writers of the character almost never approach how spot-on he is with having Superman speak and act exactly how Superman should.

* Supporting cast front and center! He writes a dynamite Lois, Perry, and Jimmy (even if many of Lois’s more out-there decisions in the run don’t end up retroactively justified the way you’d hope), Ma and Pa are more fun than they’ve been in decades in their brief appearances, he manages to turn having Jor-El in the mix into a positive, and the Daily Planet as a whole has an incredibly distinctive vibe to it like never before that I hope is taken as a baseline going forward.

* The non-Rogol Zaar baddies? All ruled. Invisible Mafia and Red Cloud are both brilliant ideas executed solidly if overextended. Zod as Kryptonian Vegeta, Mongul as a generational perpetual bastard engine primed to be incapable of self-reflection, and Ultraman as “what if Irredeemable but he’d never been a good guy and also he was a Jersey mobster” are the best versions of those characters by numberless light-eons. Lex is on-point in his sparse appearances. Xanadoth as a mystical cosmic monster older than time who still talks like a Bendis character is however unintentionally a hoot. The alt-universe Parasite is a more intimidating Doomsday than Doomsday ever was. And Synmar as an alien culture’s attempt at creating their own Superman and messing up the formula when they make him a soldier can and should be a legitimate major ongoing villain coming out of this run.

* Pretty much all the art other than what I mentioned already. Fabok does a good job bookending The Man of Steel and Ivan Reis does the work of his career anchoring Superman (special props to Reis as well for drawing the first ever non-Steve Rude interesting-looking take on Metropolis), and meanwhile you’ve got Jim Lee, Jose Luis Garcia Lopez, Doc Shaner, Steve Rude, Kevin Maguire, Adam Hughes, Patrick Gleason, Yanick Paquette, Ryan Sook, Brandon Peterson, and David Lafuente doing their own parts.

* Closely related to the art, all the little flourishes with the powers. Super-speed having a consistent visual with the background coloring changing, Clark internally putting numbers to the degrees of force behind his punches and what situations which numbers are appropriate for, ‘skidding to a halt’ mid-flight before crashing through a window, the shonen-ass major throwdowns as portrayed by Reis, how his super-hearing is handled as a prevalent element. Lots of clever bits that added flavor to what he does.

* While Unity Saga has problems, the whole of what Bendis does in Superman as a means of forward momentum for Clark and his world is excellent. The sort of three-act structure of: 

** Clark is led to question his place in things over the course of a few adventures

** Involvement in the larger cosmos and the impact it has had through and on his family makes him realize the answer to his questions is that he needs to step up in a bigger way because there’s no benevolent larger universe to welcome Earth with open arms, nor a cosmic precedent for everything turning out for the best without some help

** As a consequence of the lessons learned by this change in the status quo Clark is inspired to make his own personal change in revealing his identity (with Mythological basically being an epilogue showcasing a ‘standard’ standalone Superman adventure while simultaneously highlighting his new status quo and how it fits in as a summing-up of Bendis’s take)

…does a great job of shepherding through ideas that lend a lot of forward momentum to Superman of the kind he hasn’t seen in a long time. Not perfect, but far lesser stories with far lesser ambitions have made huge impacts, so I’d certainly hope at least some of this sticks around even if, say, regardless of any retcons to the main line there are always going to be stories with Clark as a disguise and Jon as a kid. Oh, speaking of whom,

* KISS MY ASS, EVERYTHING WITH JON KENT RULED

Ahem. Probably a less confrontational way of putting that.

Do I think there was more gas in the tank for Jon as a kid? Totally, making him likeable and viable was the one really good thing the Rebirth era accomplished for Superman and I expect we’ll continue seeing more of it in the future one way or another. But whether or not him being aged up was Bendis’s decision, or working with marching orders to set up the eventually-(kinda-)discarded 5G, the coming of age narrative here is fire. He keeps the essential Clark Kent kindness and bit of Lois Lane cheekiness that reminds you he’s still their kid, which is a combination Bendis is basically precision-crafted to write, but his trials by fire give him a background entirely unlike the by-the-numbers “and here’s how Superman’s great kid grew up to be a great superhero too” narrative you’d expect while still arriving at that endpoint. If superheroes live and die by metaphors then Jon in here is what it means to grow up written as large as possible: leaving home for the first time (and seeming to shoot up overnight!), getting into the muck of how the real world works, being beaten down by authority wearing faces you’ve been taught to trust, scrambling to get through with the whole world against you, and in the end getting through by learning to rely on your own strength while keeping your soul intact and your head held high, and even managing to speak some truth to power. It gives him a well-defined life story with room to go back to and explore the intricacies of each leg of for decades to come in a way Superman hasn’t had since the original Crisis - someone someday is going to write a The Life & Times Of The Son Of Superman miniseries and it’s going to be one of the greats - and negates any question that he’s earned his stature as the heir apparent.

* Coming out of this, Superman’s world is fascinating. He’s out but rather than giving up his day-to-day life he’s openly spending part of his life as CLARK KENT: SUPER-REPORTER and part of his job on the cape-and-tights side of things is now KAL-EL: SUPER-SPACE-DIPLOMAT, Lois Lane coruns a foundation helping people whose personal continuities have been fucked over by Crisis shenanigans, Jimmy Olsen owns the Daily Planet but is still doing Jimmy Olsen stuff because that’s how he gets his kicks, and Jon Kent is going to college in the future. I’m not anywhere near naïve enough to think that’s how things are going to be forever, or shortsighted enough to think there’s no value left in the traditional setups, but god I hope these developments stick around for a long, long time to come and potentially become the new ‘normal’ as far as the ongoing shared universe stuff goes, because it all feels like the right and promising next steps to take for the lives of these characters. However it got here, for all the pluses and minuses along the way even if I maintain the former very much outweighed the latter as a reading experience, Bendis has a lot to be proud of if that’s the legacy he leaves on these titles.

* The recap pages at the desks!

[residentlesbrarian]

The Second Book I Read In the Dark: Another YA superhero novel for me to squeal over forever...YES, Please! Gimme Gimme!

Dreadnought by April Daniels

So Day 1 in the dark continues onward and I have already finished 1 of my 3 library books with still so much day left so what else to do but soldier forward and continue without pause. Well there was a short pause for delicious chicken soup cooked on a blessedly gas powered range (never gonna live in a house with an electric range; I swear this thing has saved our butts in so many power outages), but I digress; I was ready! This time I was taking a break from the whimsical and witchy and diving head first into all things super with an extra heroic twist. 

I had heard so many good things about this book for so long but again it had fallen to the wayside of other distractions (a rainbow montage of movie and TV show gays runs back and forth through my head like the migrating fandom flamingoes). What finally made me make the decision to buckle down and do the thing was a video review done by one of my favorite YouTubers, Dominic Noble (Video Linked below). I love his series Lost in Adaptation, because as an avid reader I too find myself appalled by what Hollywood often does to my favorite books. Hearing him talk about Dreadnought was just the push my flighty brain needed to say, “Fine! Alright! We haven’t utterly obsessed over a teenage superhero book in like 6 months since we near bludgeoned our girlfriend with Not Your Sidekick! Fine! Let’s do it!” So...yeah if this intro is anything to go by this should be a fun one! Let’s dive right in shall we!

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: She just wanted to paint her toenails in peace but then a superhero had to go and die and give Danny the one thing she never thought she’d have...her proper body. Now if only everyone else felt that way too. Life just got awesome and really really complicated all at once! Oh yeah and she can fly now. Bonus!

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review: 

Holy crap! After the last book this was exactly what I needed! This book was just...so good! The plot...the characters...the world...everything about it just pulls you in and doesn’t let you go. Now I may have felt that way because I didn’t have anything trying to pull me away from this book but I don’t think I would have been easily pulled away if there had been distractions. And so many facets of this story were things I didn’t expect because I had never seen them portrayed before. Like the fact Danny having to deal with the rampant day to day sexism of being a woman now that her appearance matches who she really is. I’ve never seen that in a book before and I absolutely loved it! I was so dedicated to Danny’s story from page 1 it’s ridiculous, and look at that, a perfect segue into the phenomenal characters of this book...look what I did there switching it up going out of order on ya...gotta keep ya on your toes.

Our protagonist Danny is such a phenomenal example of a genuine kind caring person who is also deeply scarred and angry. It was so amazing to read a character that was flawed and struggling and doesn’t see how much a hero she really is and the small moments when others take that double take and go, “You’re the real deal, huh?” But those moments just confuse the living hell outta Danny cause she’s just Danny, she got super powers as a fluke. She is also hilarious and courageous and smart but knows she isn’t perfect and has weaknesses. She may be the strongest person on earth physically now but she acknowledges that that isn’t everything someone needs. Danny is such a good bean, but she has issues and that isn’t glossed over which is so rare. Now the next thing I want to touch on is a very tough subject but is very prevalent in the book so I wouldn’t be a very prudent reviewer if I didn’t bring it up. Danny is, without question, an abused child. This isn’t even really a spoiler, it alludes pretty heavily to it in the blurb, but what I’m gonna touch on next does dip into that territory so I’m gonna break it into a new LONG paragraph so just scroll on by if you don’t want to read this bit.

So at one point in the book Danny mentions a health screening at school that revealed she had hearing damage in her right ear that has now been healed by the mantle of Dreadnought. At the time of the screening she didn’t realize why until her dad had another Mount Vesuvius day and she assumed her usual position of curling in on herself and turning her head to the left so he would yell into only her right ear. Now how loud and how often do you have to yell into someone’s ear to cause permanent hearing damage? I don’t know and honestly I don’t want to know. Why am I highlighting an overall tiny moment...because for me this moment jumped out and gut punched me. Brought literal tears to my eyes. Tears of pain. Tears of rage. Tears of hate. I’m a weepy bitch when I get emotional. I’ve read a lot of books that try and portray abuse and how Daniels wrote Danny’s abuse from her father took my breath away because it felt so real. There weren’t really any good days, there were bad days, there were really bad days, but most days were just anxiously waiting for the next bad day, because Danny knew there would always be a next bad day. Something that did surprise me was my feelings about Danny’s mother. I knew going in I would hate her father, before even meeting him I hated him, but her mother, that was a hate that lay dormant until it exploded onto the scene and froze me to my core. I’m not gonna get into my own demons here but there is one thing I cannot abide by and that is people turning a blind eye while someone abuses another. Danny’s mother is the textbook definition of someone who “goes along to get along”, she will do just about anything to keep the peace, but at what cost? Instead of protecting her child from someone who literally screamed so long and so loud at her child that it damaged her hearing she just sat back and let them. That’s not the worst though, no, after Danny’s transition her mom seems to be understanding of the fact she is happy being a girl and is buying her things she needs like bras and undeniably feminine shoes, only to reveal it was all to keep Danny docile so she wouldn’t cause more fights with her dad. That to me is unforgivable. Not worse than the abuse of the father, but still undeniably selfish. She never cared about Danny or listened to her and what she was really saying. She just didn’t want there to be anymore fighting. Well I’m sorry, but sometimes, as a mother, you should fight to protect your goddamn child when someone is hurting them. The last thing I’ll say before going back to the more spoiler free and fun part of the review is that the fact Danny can never make herself say she is being abused hits so close to home for me. As a reader looking in from outside, there was a scene with a member of the Legion that I felt like, as an abuse survivor myself, I was standing there begging Danny to accept her invitation. To get out of that house. To get away from her father. To see what he was doing for what it was. But I knew she wouldn’t, she wasn’t ready, and it broke my heart to watch her fly away.

Anyway moving on from all that heavy stuff lets talk about other things like some freaking superheroes and one particular vigilante. We have the Legion members: Doc Impossible, Valkyrja, Magma, Graywytch, Chlorophyll, and Carapice. Now How do I want to talk about these characters...in what order...hmmm...how about from best to worst. Okay? Okay. Great! 

I freaking love Doc Impossible! She is a character that from the moment I met her she gave me ‘kookie grandma’ character vibes and I get DOWN with kookie grandma characters. Now I know she isn’t a grandma character nor is she particularly crazy in the way she acts; it's just a vibe I get from her that I love. Now one thing I do want to say without spoiling anything is how Doc is one of the few characters that never tries to take away Danny’s agency in everything that happens around her in all this superhero craziness. Danny can always be her own person and most importantly a kid around Doc, and I feel Danny really needed that. I will stop myself now because I could go on for hours about Doc and how much I LOVE HER!

Next up we get a two for one, Valkyrja and Magma. We don’t see much of them but what we do get is pretty good. They are adult superheroes who have their own priorities surrounding what is going on with Danny, but aren’t mean or cruel and seem to genuinely care about Danny. Valkyrja is funny and surprisingly down to earth even though she is basically a scandinavian goddess of sorts. Also the hilarity of her being Danny’s long time celebrity crush never gets old. Oh Danny, you useless little lesbian. Magma is a precious big hot boy that seems like he’d give good hugs. Yeah, that's about all I got to say about him that won’t spoil anything. 

Now we have another two for one with Chlorophyll and Carapice. These two I'm between dislike and indifferent on.  They weren’t outright mean to Danny but they treated her more like a means to an end or down right refused to acknowledge she was the new Dreadnought whether they liked it or not, but we didn’t really get to see them enough to really learn more about their motivations. 

Finally to round out the Legion we have Graywytch. Excuse me while I get this out. *Exaggerated throat clear.* First of all, Imma slap that stupid robe of ya stupid head. Then Imma stab you with your stupid fancy atheme you like to wave around all the time. And don’t even start on your “Typical male, always resorting to violence” shtick, cause guess what, I’m a ciswoman and I still wanna stomp a mudhole in your ass. And for that...Imma slap your dumb bird too. *Deep breath in. Looooooong exhale.* Sorry about that. Mama had to express some rage. I have never had a hate-sink character that made me feel the fiery flames of rage quite like Graywytch...obviously. Her treatment of Danny had me gripping the book tightly and growling about slapping birds and “shanking bitches” more than I should probably admit. She is one of those characters that I love how much I hate her. She served the exact purpose she was meant to and it was never cast in a light that she may be right in her treatment of Danny, we are always aware that her mindset is ridiculous. Like the fact outside of her parents Graywytch is the only character to blatantly deadname and misgender Danny. To go off on a small tangent here I may relate too much here because I have a younger brother who is trans (don’t worry he is fine with me discussing it in reviews and such) and I went to a graduation party when my best friend graduated medical school and he was out to the family but not extended friends yet. After only referring to him by the proper pronouns for so long at home hearing the wrong ones caused legitimate eye blinking record scratch cognitive dissonance for me. I had the same feeling anytime Graywytch opened her stupid mouth and blatantly misgendered Danny. Because the way this is written Danny is Danny, she is exactly who she is meant to be. Suck it Graywytch!

Okay, I know you probably want to hear about the plot I know, but we have one more character we have to talk about and that is Calamity, the rootin’-ist tootin’-ist vigilante that ever did come through these here parts. Sorry, I have to talk like this now, it’s part of the persona, you have to commit to the persona. But real talk, I absolutely love Calamity as a look into “graycapes” and the real dive into the world of superheroes beyond the big heroes. We get to see how someone who doesn’t have the backing of the Legion goes about helping people, the little people, those that maybe the Legion way up in their tower can’t see from so high up in the clouds. And y’all know me, I love a morally gray vigilante with a heart of gold.  She had me at “You wanna go capin’?”

Now obviously I couldn’t get enough of the characters but the plot was pretty darn good too. It was so intricately woven in with Danny and her inheriting the mantle from the previous Dreadnought that she had no choice but to be an integral part of it. Now I obviously don’t have as much to say about the plot as I did the characters but know if you come for the plot you won’t be disappointed. It kept me guessing and threw me for an absolute curve ball at the end that I did not see coming! You won’t be disappointed.

So final thoughts...there isn’t much more I can say without going on an hours long squeal fest about how much I freaking loved this book and the characters and the intricacies of how Danny’s powers work and how she was written and how she interacts with different characters and just everything that would mean massive untakebackable spoilers! So I will end on this note; Danny is a character that it would have been easy to lean into the superhero aspect and let the reader forget that she was trans, but April Daniels didn’t want that. Danny was gifted the easiest transition in the history of the world. What takes most people years of HRT and surgeries and therapy Danny did in the passing of a mantle, but it never took away the fact she is and always will be trans. It was a unique reading experience that I have only been blessed with once before but that’s a story for a different review on a different day.

Queer Wrap-up: I would give my left kidney (that’s my good one btw) to give this book five unicorns, but alas I cannot, a one off conversation in an elevator hinting that a certain improbable doctor may have a one sided thing for a particular sadly straight scandinanvian god being is just not enough to count as additional rep. As much as I love this book, and I love it A LOT! We only have Danny as our queer rep and she is fantastic rep and our protagonist so a 4 unicorn rating was a no brainer on this one. Danny is the kind of trans rep I want to see more of in the world of books, YA and otherwise. Being a trans lesbian is a huge part of her character but she gets to do so much more than that in the breath of the story and that’s what I look for in great representation, so Danny easily earned these 4 unicorns on her own merit just being her amazing self.

Links: 

Goodreads

Dominc Noble’s Review

Alright so...this one got long. Ah hell, I ain't gonna apologize for it! This is a damn good book and I wanted to get my fangirl squeal on y’all. 

Oh no, I think I’ve been thinking about Calamity too much I slipped into the persona without meaning to! This book was just far too much fun to read to the point I started reading it out loud with a full cast of voices (hint: the Calamity parts were my favorite) because it flowed so well and was genuinely so funny at parts and heart wrenchingly sad in others and so action packed the next moment. I finished this book in less than a day and if I had been more present and not under a pile of blankets and wearing a headlamp I might have thought to keep a timer to tell you the exact number of hours it took me, but alas know it didn’t take me many. 

So the adventures reading in the dark continue on to the next review after this one but as always if you want to read this but don’t want to spend the money without knowing for sure you are going to like it, go to your local library. You’d be surprised what they have on their shelves just waiting to be discovered. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

[wayward-mikaelson]

Winter’s Doll--Chapter Three

Word Count: 2311

About: Nadia finally get’s to train with Steve and Bucky

Characters: Nadia, Steve, Bucky, Wanda, Natasha, Tony, Vision, 

Pairing: None

Warnings/Trigger Warnings: Language, Train-fighting, Dislocated shoulder,

A/N: Sorry this took a while to get out. I got into a funk and then had two story ideas.

*This work contains content for the 18 and up crowd

**Please don’t copy and paste my work anywhere. I work really hard on all of my stuff. 

***This work is also posted on Instagram (Excerpt ONLY), WattPad, and Archive Of Our Own

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*****Currently NOT taking any requests

Forever Tags: @hobby27 @donnaintx @myinconnelly1 @elansaidaris @magssteenkamp @440mxs-wife

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My Masterlist

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Winter’s Doll Masterlist

Chapter Two

My Favorite Fic List

Nadia woke up that morning with a throbbing headache. Did she regret drinking that much? Yes, yes she very much. Did she regret her time talking and hanging out with Bucky? Nope, not one bit. In fact, Nadia enjoyed it every single second of it. The way she felt safe in his presence. The way he made her smile and laugh. Ditching her own party and just talking with someone like that was what she needed.

Nadia slowly rolled out of bed. The moment that she stood to her feet, her entire world started to sway and there was gurgling in her stomach. Fuck, she thought as she raced her way to the bathroom. Nadia slide on her knees to the toilet and just as she was opening it, she let everything from the night before out. She hacked everything up until her throat burned with stomach acid.

With a groan, Nadia sat back on her knees and hung her head back. This is going to be a long day, she thought. I wonder how Bucky is feeling. You stood up and then chuckled lightly to yourself. “He’s a super soldier, so of course he doesn’t feel like me,” Nadia said aloud as she started on her morning routine.

Once dressed in comfortable clothes and hair up in a hair tie and head band, Nadia opened the door to see Vision floating right there. Seeing him, startled her to the point that she almost let out a yelp. But she held back because she didn’t trust what sound came out of her mouth.

“You know,” Vision started to say tilting his head sideways. “A copious amount of alcohol will make you sick like that.” Shit, Nadia thought as he spoke. This is too early. “Maybe you should try and lower your intake from now on.”

Nadia blinked a few times and rubbed her face. “I don’t think so,” she said in a loud whisper. “Because I like drinking and I know too much makes me sick. But that’s the fun part about being human, you can ignore the fact that it does. And regret it the morning after.”

Nadia simply walked away from Vision without another word. Nadia walked her way towards the kitchen where she got a good whiff of someone making eggs and bacon. The smell started to make Nadia gag until Natasha held out a green drink.

“Drink up,” she said without making eye contact. “This will make you feel better. Disgusting as hell but you won’t be puking your guts out during training. Also eat this,” Natasha slid a plate of toast towards Nadia.

Nadia took the drink in her hand and glared at it as she turned the glass in her hands. “What is all on this drink?” she asked.

“Don’t ask, just drink,” Natasha instructed. “And also eat.”

Nadia made a face before bringing the glass to her lips. Trying not to breath through her nose, Nadia drank every last drop of the green drink. Natasha was right, that drink was disgusting. With each swallow, Nadia wanted to slam the glass on the table and puke it all up. The moment she was done, Nadia had shivers of disgust running down her spine.

“That was gross,” Nadia took the toast and slowly took a bite.

“Maybe, next time, it'll teach you not to steal my most expensive bourbon,” Tony’s voice enters the kitchen.

Nadia took another bite of toast. She could already feel the green drink and toast do it’s job. Yep, she thought, I am so going to order that glitter bomb. Maybe even two. “Maybe, new time,” Nadia walked towards Tony raising her eyebrow. “Keep it locked away or at least out of the open bar.”

Nadia turned on her heels and walked out of the kitchen and made her way towards the training facilities. Nadia wasn’t going to lie to herself, she was nervous as hell to train with Bucky and Steve. Given they were super human and could possible crush her very easily.

Nadia has seen footage of Steve fighting over the years on the news. He was quick and strong. Nadia knew of one his weaknesses. Bucky on the other hand, Nadia has never seen. She only had to assume that he was just as quick and strong, and plus he had a metal arm.

Nadia made it to the training facility to see that only Bucky was in there. He was writing something in a book. Hey looked really lost in thought because his eyebrows furrowed while he wrote. His hair was up again. He wore a t-shirt that defined his muscles perfectly. He also wore grey sweatpants. The whole look, looked really off for him.

“Hey,” Nadia approached Bucky. He looked up with is blue eyes and gave her a small smile. “What are you writing?”

Bucky closed his book and set it aside. “It’s a memory journal. I’m sure you’ve already heard about me,” Bucky looked down and Nadia could see some sort of sadness slowly creep into his eyes.

“Here and there,” Nadia sat next to Bucky. “It’s okay, I don’t really judge people on their past.”

Bucky turned to her. “That’s good to know,” he smiled. “Uh, Steve is running a little late so I can help you warm up before he shows up.”

Nadia let Bucky help her warm up for the next twenty minutes. He held up punching and kicking pad and Nadia showed him all the force that she held the small punches and kicks. Bucky’s face was surprised by how well she held herself. He would give her some minor corrections on hip and foot placement. Nadia noticed how gentle he was when correcting her hips. She felt the coolness of his metal hand. Even when he placed his leg between hers to push her feet slightly together, he was gentle as well. Nadia found it bit hard to concentrate but she was able to push it aside.

“This will help you move a bit quicker,” he said taking a step back. “I hope to see that when we spar.”

The doors opened and in walked Steve and the rest of the team. Nadia wasn’t used to having the whole team in watching her train. Maybe a few here and there, but she guessed that since she was training with two soldiers it would be an entertaining things to watch.

“Shall we get started?” Steve asked setting his water bottle down.

“Who am I sparing with first?” Nadia asked.

Steve and Bucky exchanged a look. Nadia knew the answer right away before Bucky spoke. “You’re going to sparing with the both of us. We won’t be going too hard on you, but we also won’t be going easy on you either.”

“At the same time,” Steve added. “So are you ready?”

Nadia was ready, she’d been in hand to hand combat training with a few fellow soldiers at once. But they weren’t super soldiers like Steve and Bucky. Nadia took a deep breath and bit her lips before giving her answer.

“Let’s get this show started.”

“Twenty bucks she takes them both down,” Sam Wilson said from his spot in the room.

“You’re on,” Nadia watched as Tony pulled a folding chair open and said down.

Nadia looked back at the two men in front of her and took a deep breath. Nadia scanned both men’s bodies. She looked for anything that looked like a weakness. Bucky seemed more planted firmly on the ground where Steve didn’t. Bingo, Nadia thought.

From the corner of her eyes, Nadia saw Bucky step to his right and saw Steve step to his right. Nadia was a small person. She moved quickly and knew how to maneuver her way in and out of people. It was what made her a really good asset to her squadron before being discharged.

Nadia quickly stepped forward between the men and dropped to the ground and swung her let out and managed to trip Steve. Steve fell on hard on his back, hitting the back of his head on the training mats. Nadia quickly rolled out of way of Bucky, who had actually anticipated that move. Nadia stood up and spun around in time think quickly and kick Bucky square in the chest. Bucky stumbled backwards.

“That was good, fast,” Bucky rubbed his chest with his metal hand.

Before Nadia could say anything, she felt her feet being pulled out form under her. Nadia fell hard on her chest, knocking the wind out of her. She was flipped to her back and Steve straddled her and attempted to pin her hands down but, Nadia grabbed his face and used what force she could and head butted him. Then she kneed him in the back Steve rolled over off her.

“She’s kicking Steve’s ass,” Natasha said.

Nadia ignored her. She kicked Steve over on his back and straddled him as she ripped the drawstrings out of his sweatpants. Before she could do anything, Bucky pulled her off Steve. Bucky, in no time, had Nadia up on the wall with his metal hand on her throat. He put enough pressure to where Nadia gasped. Nadia for a split second thought that what he did was hot.

“It’s okay, Doll,” Bucky whispered. “That’s all the pressure I’m going to apply.”

Nadia knew that was a mistake on his part. She smirked at him and Bucky tilted his head. Nadia kicked both her legs up until they landed on his shoulders. Nadia forced forced Bucky closer to her and the closer he got, the looser his hand got. Bucky had no choice but to let her go. This allowed Nadia to swing all the way onto Bucky’s shoulders.

Bucky’s metal hand came flying up, grabbing at Nadia’s shirt. Nadia, who still had the drawstring from Steve’s pants, use it to wrap it around Bucky’s neck. Not to tight though, this was training after all, but enough to have him notice and grasp at it. Bucky knelt down and Nadia flipped off his shoulders and rolled into a crouch.

“Nadia did what you couldn’t Nat,” Tony’s voice is teasing.

“Shut the fuck up, Tony,” Natasha snapped back. “Bucky was brainwashed when we fought. Nadie, just got the better end of the stick.”

Nadia noticed that Steve had moved to the side and was watching. Probably for the best, Nadia saw many weak points and blind spots in Steve. Nadia focused back on Bucky and she could tell that he was trying to figure out the best way to get the better of her.

Nadia looked at Bucky’s metal arm. He had the upper hand with that thing and she knew she had to figure something out to take it out of play. Nadia straightened her body up and began to walk slowly towards Bucky.

“We could call it,” Bucky said. He didn’t even sound out of breath. “Call it a tie or something.”

“Now why would I do that?” Nadia asked taking a deep breathe. She stopped a couple feet in front of Bucky. “I’m still having fun.”

Bucky chuckled and threw out his metal arm. Nadia dove down towards the mat but instantly felt Bucky’s cool metallic hand on her ankle. He yanked her back until their faces were a foot apart.

“Still having fun?” he mocked.

Nadia sat up and head butted Bucky in the face. The moment he let go, she hopped back onto his shoulder. The moment Bucky grabbed hold of Nadia’s legs and pressed them firm to his chest, Nadia knew that she made a mistake.

Bucky whipped both their bodies down on the mat. Nadia’s left shoulder hit first and she heard and felt a small pop. She yelled out and felt Bucky’s head roll away before she felt his hand on her.

“Are you okay?” he asked. The concern was very much heard in his voice.

“My shoulder,” Nadia groaned and bit her lip too distract her from the pain radiating around her shoulder.

Bucky felt around. “You’re shoulders dislocated. I’ll help you to the infirmary.”

Bucky help Nadia up and wrapped an arm around her waist. Nadia notice the whole team was standing up looking at her. No one said a word as the two of them walked out of the room and towards the elevator to the infirmary.

“You’re not that bad,” Bucky said pressing the button to the fourth floor. “You pretty much had me. I just kept going cause I’m pretty stubborn.”

Nadia laugh and then groaned at the new pain in her shoulder. “You’re not too bad yourself. My goal was to try and take your metal arm out. Temporarily.”

Nadia spent less than an hour in the infirmary. The doctor there pushed her shoulder back into place and gave her a sling and told her to wear that for the rest of the day. Nadia made a face and tried to protest but Bucky stopped her and walked her out of the infirmary.

“It’s better to just go with the flow,” He told her.

Once the elevator doors closed, Nadia pulled the sling off her and balled it up in her hands. Final day of training and Nadia get’s hurt. Not a bad way to end it. Now hopefully she can relax for the rest of the day or at least enough to make her new team mates comfortable.

“Unless I’m behind on military training and such, but you don't fight like a soldier,” Bucky turned to Nadia.

“That’s because I wasn’t just a normal soldier. Special Forces had this elite program that both my brother and I were in apart of. Technically it wasn’t supposed to exist.”

Bucky nodded in understanding what she said. “Well, you’re a badass and I’m glad you’re on the team.”

Nadia smiled. “Thank you.”

[miss-tc-nova]

A SOLDIER’S Memories - Cloud Strife x Fem!Reader Pt 6

Building up a little...

Part 6: Dead to Me

                I get harassed and dragged from the bed by a person who experiences pain at just the sight of me. When Cloud leaves, he sends me the woman in pink, Aerith, to check my injury which is not nearly as bad as it should have been. She has to be using materia to speed up the healing process. Once she’s done, she ushers me downstairs which is almost a feat for me. Aerith is the only one to show concern and gets a chair before I collapse. Barret and Cloud stand opposite me.

                “I still don’t know why you wanted us to bring her,” the big man, Barret, says to Cloud. “She’s SOLDIER. It’ll be easier if we just get rid of her.”

                Cloud sighs, “But if we keep her, she can tell us more about what Shinra’s been planning.”

                “I kinda like the big guy’s plan,” I murmur.

                Barret growls back, “Not much for self confidence, are ya?”

                I grin wryly. “You kidding me? I’m SOLDIER.”

                "And we're AVALANCHE."

                "Who got beat by me: a SOLDIER," I remind. He looks like he wants to beat my face in.

                "Speaking of which." Tifa walks around to face me. "You should have killed us. Why didn't you?"

                I give a short laugh. "You think I was sparing you? Yeah right. Sparing you would have been killing you. Anything and everything is a test subject to our scientists. You'd be begging to be dead by the time they're done with you."

                She frowns, folding her arms. "I don't believe you."

                I roll my eyes. "Guess I can't prove it anyways."

                "So now what?" Aerith asks.

                Cloud answers, turning away, "She's our prisoner."

                "Not your best move," I instigate. “You really aren’t the brightest bunch, are you?”

                "Look, you're coming with us and that’s final."

                I can’t do anything here. I can’t escape them in this state and even if I did, I can’t return to Shinra who will probably be gearing up to execute me. He’s got me in a corner. The frustration rises and I glower. Cloud folds his arms, standing his ground.

                “You’re making a huge mistake.”

                “Welcome to AVALANCHE.”

                The group talks about chasing down Sephiroth, which is absolute bullshit. There’s a delusional infantryman, a trigger-happy bear, a flower girl, a bartender, and a dog; in top shape I could have them down in minutes and Sephiroth has nearly killed me twice now. They’re idiots but I guess there’s time to talk them down from their madness.

                “I hate to burst you guys’ bubble, but we won’t be going anywhere in a hurry on foot,” I speak up.

                Barret retorts, “I thought you SOLDIERs were supposed to have heightened stamina.”

                “That doesn’t mean I can instantly regenerate. We’re still human.” There’s no point in stooping to his level of ridicule. I smirk. “But you seem to be the muscles of the group, big guy. How about a piggy-back ride down to the chocobo farm?”

                “Ain’t no way in hell am I carryin’ you!” he snaps indignantly. I give a soundless snicker, having successfully pushed some buttons. I may have to stick with them for now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be irritating.

                “She is right though. How are we going to get her to the farm?” asks Tifa.

                Cloud sighs. “Perhaps there’s someone heading that way we can hitch a ride with.”

                The group disperses with the exception of the dog who calls himself Red XIII; he gets to play guard dog while the others find a ride for us. He’s quite an insightful creature and a sweetheart, despite being wary of my Shinra title.

                “Alright Miss First Class,” Barret grumbles, stalking back in.

                “Gonna give me that piggy back after all?” I hum, wrapping my arms around his neck as he picks me up.

                “Shut up. There’s a truck downstairs that’s gonna give us a lift,” he grumbles.

                “Oh yay. Shotgun.”

                “You’re not gettin’ the damn front seat!”

                “Lame.”

                True to his words, I get put on a trailer with Cloud and Red while Barret sits in the bed of the pickup and the girls sit in the cab with the driver. At least it’s a sunny day. Leaning against the bushel of straw, I let my eyes close and enjoy the warmth of the sunshine. It’s been years since I left Midgar. Being the so-called ‘sole survivor’ of the Nibelheim incident, I assume that Shinra wanted to keep me close. The incident had never been put out to the world so I was a liability, probably not by choice. Even though I still got access to the real sky, it was like being trapped in the slums again; so this is a nice change of pace as long as you don’t consider how we got here or the journey ahead.

                And we arrive at the farm. Tifa helps me out and I gimp my way to the corral where a herd of chocobo lazily grazes about. I love these birds so much but there’s always a tinge of pain when I see them. Pushing that aside though, I’m done showing them my weaknesses.

                “Kweh!” I call in my best mimic of the fowls.

                Most of the heads pop up and I get a few calls back. In a matter of moments, I have a mob of golden feathers checking me out.

                Their attention pulls from me. “There you are,” Cloud scolds.

                I keep my gaze on the feathered creature enjoying my pampering. “You act as if I could run away.”

                “I’m sure you would.”

                The man flinches as one of the chocobos nips at his hair playfully before nuzzling him. I laugh. "Looks like they like you."

                "Hopefully the ones we catch will too," he replies, stroking the bird.

                I’m sure they will. It may be the hair, but chocobos typically tend to have a thing for the blonde, whether or not he knows it. My mob is now enthusiastically attempting to groom Cloud. My amusement piques when I notice he’s at a complete loss of what to do.

                Choco Bill arrives and beckons Cloud to follow him into the corral. Once he’s inside, there’s no saving him from the chocobo.

                "Haha! Oh no! I lost Cloud! We'll have to leave him to live among the chocobos!" I shout.

                He gives me one of those "really?" looks before shaking his head and going back to what he was doing.

                "Oh my gods, now that you mention it, his hair does make him look like a chocobo," Tifa says, on the verge of giggling with Aerith.

                I continue poking fun while the blonde learns to catch chocobo for us to ride which seems to lighten up everyone around me with the exception of Cloud. I’d only meant to be a bother to the people forcing me to accompany them, but I’m genuinely having some fun right now.

                “You’ll catch a whole fluffle just by standing in the middle of nowhere,” I tease the returning blonde from where I sit on the ground.

                “Fluffle?” he questions.

                “Like sixty percent sure that’s what you call a group of chocobo,” I reply. “And if it’s not, it should be.”

                “You’re not taking any of this seriously, are you,” Cloud grumbles as he climbs out of the corral.

                “Sure I am,” I hum. “You fools think you can take on Sephiroth and Shinra probably has bounties on our heads. Which wouldn’t be nearly as bad if you hadn’t kidnapped me, by the way.”

                His brows furrow. “Why’s that?”

                I put a finger to my lips. “Because I know things.”

                “I was SOLDIER too you know,” he huffs.

                I want to lash out at him, strike my palm across his face, but I just maintain my smile. “Oh you know the standard employee stuff but I was the crown jewel that succeeded Sephiroth. I had my pull around the company.”

                “Really?”

                “No. Shinra doesn’t give a rat’s ass about their employees. But I do know some secrets they’re going to kill me for if they find me.”

                Leaning against the fence, he replies, “Like what?”

                “Pssh. I’m not telling you.”

                “Why not?”

                Because you might have a breakdown if I do. “Because you don’t need to know.” That answer annoys him. “Oh! Can we go snowboarding at Icicle Inn?”

                I’ve completely destroyed his investment in our conversation. “We don’t have time for that.”

                “Oh come on! What’s the point of travelling the world if you can’t have a little fun?”

                “We’re not travelling for fun,” he grumbles, pushing off the fence to walk away from me.

                The corner of my mouth pulls back in skepticism. “You’re just gonna get everyone down if you keep that up. Then you’ll really be toast.”

                Cloud pauses and glances back. “What do you mean?”

                “C’mon. Just because you were in the military doesn’t mean you don’t understand basic human nature. If your team has no morale, they’re going to make mistakes that could cost someone their life.” I flop on my back. “Just because they have the motivation doesn’t mean they’re in the right mindset. Miserable people tend to look at the negatives and when you’re not expecting the best result, you’ll never reach it.”

                “Is that why you’re so chipper despite being a hostage?”

                “Pfft. Me, hostage,” I laugh, letting my eyes flutter shut and soaking in some sun. “You’re funny, Mister Chocobo.”

                “Will you stop calling me that!” I continue enjoying my sunshine. “You’re not going to, are you?”

                “Nope.”

                His sigh of defeat brings up a spark of recollection and I can just see that young infantryman rolling his eyes; a soft, warm blush creeping across his naïve face, and the pure light glittering in his untainted eyes. The brief reprieve I’ve been basking in turns cold. I’m left alone to stare into the vast, empty sky and admonish myself. He is not my Cloud; he never will be again and I can’t keep driving myself mad over this—that’s what got me into this mess to begin with. It’s been five years and even if I feel guilty, even if I always will feel guilty, it’s probably way past time I moved on. For all intents and purposes, my Cloud is dead and isn’t coming back. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 257: New Year’s Party and All Might Feels

Previously on BnHA: The kids ate some yummy cotton candy and got to demolish a bunch of robots in flashy and expensive ways, because U.A. is every child’s dream school and All Might is getting closer to finally achieving his goal of being The Cool, Fun Teacher. There was also some cute Kirimina and Izuocha stuff, and also some panels of All Might watching Deku with a wistful dad smile which was both heartwarming and also makes me slightly terrified for his chances of surviving to the end of this series, but what else is new. Anyway so after class we cut to Aizawa and Mic who were all “we’re still sad fyi” until the Big Three interrupted them to get Aizawa to come help with Eri’s quirk. Meanwhile, All Might sat down with Deku and Kacchan and gave Deku a notebook all about THE PAST SUCCESSORS AND THE SIXQUIRKS. And we’d better be covering that pronto in this chapter because holy shit I had to wait two weeks after that cliffhanger and that was not fucking fair.

Today on BnHA: Kacchan and Deku read about the one quirk user WE ALREADY FUCKING KNEW ABOUT before they get bored and decide that WE DON’T NEED TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT ANY OF THOSE OTHER LAME QUIRKS APPARENTLY. In an effort to console me, All Might reveals that Shimura Nana’s quirk was THE POWER OF FUCKING FLYING YEAH BITCHES, which does admittedly warm my heart. Also Deku and Kacchan have an entire page of going back and forth at each other like the squabbling siblings they are and that helps too. Also we then cut to all of the 1-A kids having a New Year’s party, and yeah, Horikoshi admittedly knows how to play me like a goddamn fiddle I guess. The chapter then takes a sudden swerve for the nostalgic, with Deku and pals reminiscing about how much they’ve grown and how lucky they are, before we cut to All Might who’s sitting on a bench having Winter Night Angst until he’s comforted by Aizawa of all people, because this chapter is actually fucking great. And then we cut to THREE FUCKING MONTHS LATER LMAOOOO [blows noisemaker] SHIGARACALYPSE 2020 COMING ATCHA KIDS. WOOP WOOP.

okay so I have been persuaded to try out the fan scanlation this week! for several reasons: (1) the new scanlators have had a few weeks now to improve their game and I’m curious to see what the quality is like, (2) there are already spoilers all over my dashboard lol and I’m tired of trying to dodge them, and finally (3) I have nothing else to do this afternoon and I wanna read it. SO IMMA READ IT. BRING ON THE SIXQUIRKS OF DEKU THE NINTH

-- GOD DAMMIT ALL MIGHT

I assume that those are the two shadowy ones, then? Bakushadow and PonytailShadow? goddammit. meanwhile even if we didn’t have that whole mystery, the second user would still be the one I’m most curious about, because (s)he was the first one to actually get OFA handed down to them, and to say that I’m curious about how exactly that went down would be putting it mildly. like how the hell did Lil Bro figure out that he could pass his fucking quirk down to people. and what exactly was the trial and error process involved, if any. was he just like. “dude, come here, I want to try something okay? this is gonna sound really fucking weird but hear me out... I want you to eat my hair” 

sob, honestly a time-traveling Bakugou who already knows how The Whole Deal Works might honestly be the least bizarre explanation. I have so many questions ughh

btw I do also want to call attention to the fact that this chapter is titled “make it your own”, a.k.a. the mantra that Kacchan has been trying to get Deku to adopt since the provisional license exam. so this I do like. that is very promising

hmmMMMMMMMM

motherfuckin time travel is starting to sound more and more likely you guys. oh my god. but how?? someone’s quirk?? or maybe they can just get Mei to build them a machine. fuck it, she’s already upgraded Deku’s costume ten thousand times with random crap, what’s one more. you read it here first, Deku’s next upgrade will be gloves that carry him back and forth in time

lmao Katsuki

on the one hand that is very rude, but on the other hand I too would like him to get to talking about the ones whose quirks he actually did learn about. so yeah. [taps watch] we gonna do this All Might, or

lmao Deku’s asking about Blackwhip and meanwhile Katsuki’s just PICKING UP THE NOTEBOOK, WITHOUT EVEN ASKING, YOINK

(ETA: Kacchan with a normal face is such a rare Charizard of a panel that I just have to stop for a moment to appreciate it. take a good look everyone, we probably won’t get this again for another 50 chapters.)

fucking thank you Kacchan. holy shit. I mean All Might worked hard on it, might as well make use of it. and never mind the explicit “FOR YOUNG MIDORIYA” plastered on the cover I guess lol

also!! BALDY FINALLY GOT HIMSELF A NAME OMGGGGG. “LARIAT.” we’ll see how Caleb translates that tomorrow, I guess. I have no idea what it means but I’m excited!!! yay naaaames

OH THAT’S JUST HIS ALIAS HE’S GOT A REAL NAME TOO OH SNAP

(ETA: also there’s the expected “go” since he’s #5. so that’s apparently still a thing, meaning the mystery behind nos. 2 and 3 is still as perplexing as ever. maybe a bit of a stretch, but does anyone suppose that the “己” at the end of Katsuki’s given name could be interpreted as kind of looking like the Arabic numeral for two? eh? eh??)

seems to be causing a whole lot of collateral damage, but hey, price you pay for being a badass

oh my god my sons are bickering

(ETA: but lmao though at Katsuki being all “YOU THINK EVERY FUCKING QUIRK IS AMAZING” because sob it’s true.)

Katsuki please. first of all WHY WOULD YOU ONLY GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT THE ONE FUCKING QUIRK WE ALREADY KNEW, and two, I kinda need at least one of those quirks to be at least a little bit badass, because fucking shit you guys, uhhhh. [gestures frantically to the last page of chapter 255]  nyghhnghh. and also!! [gestures to the last two pages of chapter 245] ...

hmm so All Might says that Kacchan is right, and that it makes sense that most of the quirks would be weak ones because AFO made it his business to stomp out any strong quirk users on account of the whole “he’s fucking evil” thing and all of that world domination biz

look how evil

oh wow

goddamn that’s one hell of an image. all these fallen heroes desperately trying to make sure that their power, the world’s only hope, doesn’t die out with them

so then from the way All Might makes it sound, it seems like some of the successors maybe weren’t carefully selected at all, but instead they were just the ones who happened to be in the right (wrong??) place at the right time. maybe some of them were fellow soldiers in the war against AFO, and when their comrades fell they were there to pick up the gauntlet. that actually makes a hell of a lot of sense

and also the way they seem to be passing on the quirk appears to be the blood-on-blood method rather than the hair-eating method, so that also potentially addresses my snarky rambling earlier in this very recap lol. Lil Bro may not have meant to pass it on at all; he might have just been gripping some spiky-haired passerby’s hand while mortally wounded, and knowing that his time was up, and hoping against hope that this MYSTERIOUS KACCHAN-LOOKING STRANGER would somehow be able to take up the fight and continue what he started. and then lo and behold

-- motherFUCKER HE REALLY JUST PUT IT BACK DOWN ON THE TABLE LIKE

SO, I GUESS WE JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER QUIRKS THEN! WELL FINE. let’s just never talk about anything I’m dying to know about again ever!!

“seems they’ve all died young” WELL ISN’T THAT JUST FINE AND FUCKING DANDY. what a wonderful legacy All Might has bequeathed unto our sprightly green protagonist. what a barrel of laughs this has turned out to be

sob my son literally doesn’t know how to take his foot off the gas

but I guess it’s not necessarily a bad thing to have someone there who only relentlessly knows how to go forward, forward, forward

SDFLKSHDOGIHSOGISHLGKSDLFJ

EXCUSE ME, MCFUCKING WHAT DID YOU SAY?! SO YOU’RE TELLING ME MY BEST GIRL COULD FUCKING FLY, IS THAT IT?? AM I READING THIS RIGHT?? WAIT -- HOW DO YOU BREATHE, AGAIN?? OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD, I

LOL WHAT THE FUCK

(ETA: I left the edges of his speech bubble in while cropping this so everyone can appreciate just how spiky it is.)

me too kid!! you were playing quirk bingo, right? it was only a matter of time before someone came along with flying powers and we all knew it. I’ve been saying it and saying it, Deku was born to touch the sky

lulz he’s screaming at Deku that he can already fly with his explosions, so now while Deku works on mastering his own flying quirk, Katsuki will pull ahead of him SO THAT MAKES HIM THE WINNER I GUESS. lol honestly this speech is one of the nerdiest things he’s ever done and I almost wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d ended it with “OWNED!!!” watch him look around for a mic to drop

oh my god

this isn’t even rival energy, this is sibling energy. like, this one panel is some of the rawest fucking sibling energy I’ve ever seen. the relentless shittalking, the competition over absolutely nothing, the ridiculous faces... just, wow

anyway so I have a ton of thoughts about Katsuki’s current feelings toward Deku ever since the Endeavor and Natsuo “you don’t have to forgive me” thing, but the short version is that I think Katsuki lately has actually been really worried about upsetting the status quo with Deku, and, well... “losing” Deku, so to speak. I think during the internship he finally clued in to the fact that he actually had been a real certified jerkweiner to Deku, but more importantly he woke up to the realization that he doesn’t know for sure if Deku actually has forgiven him. like, he’s been going around thinking that it’s in the past, that it doesn’t matter, and then along come the Todorokis with all their drama, and he sees that and he realizes oh shit, sometimes people secretly have tons of resentment that’s just burning away at them underneath and shit!

and so the thought is kind of eating at him now that Deku might not have actually forgiven him, and he’s actually really scared of that, and so he’s reacting in two different ways: one, by being irrationally annoyed/angry with Deku for having that power over him (the power to either forgive him or not), even though that’s his own fault; and two, by trying in his own way to aggressively push things toward being the way they were back when they were little kids before their whole falling out. which, in his mind, means them being rivals. like, in the second character book, there’s a section that’s all about the characters’ relationships with each other, and in for Deku it says he views his and Kacchan’s relationship as “childhood friends”, but from Katsuki’s perspective, their relationship is listed as “childhood rivals.” so yeah

anyway so I guess I lied about this being “the short version” (I’m gonna have to essay about this more in a separate post I think), but basically I think that in Katsuki’s mind this kind of juvenile making-faces-and-egging-each-other-on thing is how he interprets their friendship, and he’s very awkwardly trying to get back to that

anyway! I got hella sidetracked there so let’s get back to the plot shall we. there’s a sweet panel of All Might smiling at the two of them because I think he also sees that this scene is somehow heartwarming in its own bizarre way lol

and then WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE DORMS YESSSSSS

(ETA: stray thought -- it’s an absolute fucking delight to see all of the male characters cooking for once while the girls, as far as I can see, are just sitting around chilling in the living area. like I’m sure they are helping as well, but you have no idea how fucking refreshing it is to not have the girl characters be all “WE’LL COOK FOR YOU BOYS SINCE YOU’RE SO HOPELESS AND/OR YOU’RE WORKING SO HARD TEEHEE.” holy shit. it’s great.)

to answer your question, Sero, they’ve been having secret powwows with All Might and discussing things like how Kacchan is objectively better than Deku it’s science, and how to make Deku fly. what have you all been doing

OH I SEE YOU ARE HAVING DINNER

is that Tokoyami running like a Hanna-Barbera character in the background. every time I think I have a handle on his character Horikoshi has a new twist ready to keep me on my toes. also lol at Kirishima remembering how Kacchan did jackall to help during the Christmas party, and making sure he does his part this time IF HE WANTS TO EAT

(ETA: lol so after rereading this that’s clearly Deku in the background. I still think it looks more like Tokoyami though! but obviously the two of them are the only ones still in their uniforms, so.)

OH BOY OH BOY NOW THIS CHAPTER IS CRACKIN’

TODOROKI SHOUTO!! YOU HAVE BROUGHT SHAME UNTO YOUR FAMILY! lmao he’s so quick to answer “IT WAS ME I DID IT” with his two fucking exclamation points too lol. I don’t know why that’s so amusing to me but it is and I love it

meanwhile Horikoshi got a little too playful when drawing that Momochako page there huh. drew the back of her head but was then like “BUT THEN YOU CAN’T SEE HER ADORABLE SMILE” but he couldn’t be assed to redraw it so he improvised. IT’S CALLED ART

ahhhhhhh class B is joining them yesssss!! and Kodai’s bringing a couch oh my god such an excellent and practical application of her Ant-Man quirk to make sure everyone has someplace to sit these children are so cooperative and wise

YAY WHOLESOME NEW YEAR’S PARTY ANTICS

KATSUKI HAS UPGRADED FROM SANTA GRUMP TO SITTING NICELY WITH HIS SQUAD!! SHOUJI IS WEARING ANOTHER OF HIS LEGENDARY PONCHOS!! TSUYU JUST SAVED MINA’S LIFE!! KOUDA BROUGHT HIS BUNNY BECAUSE BUNNY DESERVES TO PARTY TOO!! AND AOYAMA IS PROBABLY WEARING A ROBE, BUT I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT IT’S A DRESS AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME!! NEW YEAR NEW HIM YES CHEERS

oh my god they’re starting to reminisce, no my emotions were not ready for this please chill out kids

look at them talking like they’re all grown up now

you do realize you all are still just babies right. “it was a crazy ride... back then we were so young...” is that Joe Cocker’s version of With a Little Help from My Friends I hear playing in the background. why has the film quality gone all grainy. what is this what’s happening

THANK YOU IIDA

as expected from the resident 40-year-old. please tell these children to get a grip. they’re out here talking about which Roth IRAs they’re going to get and how much their lower backs hurt

also, this scanlation hasn’t been too bad so far, but I feel like knowing it’s “Iida” and not “Lida” is like the bare minimum of translating a chapter of BnHA. like at least get the names right. but anyway I cropped that part of the panel out regardless because Mineta’s face was ruining the atmosphere so it’s all good

oh no. oh shit wait. what’s going on here

do not tell me this is one of those “calm before the storm/AND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME EVERYONE WAS ALL TOGETHER AND HAPPY EVER AGAIN” things. please no. please tell me I’m overreacting and grossly misinterpreting the general vibe here. fuck

also though, you see that bit in the Kacchan panel though lol. so yeah their relationship is just like that. it’s weird but they like it

jesus christ now Deku is sitting there saying “I’m very fortunate” with this face like he’s just DARING fate to come on over and punch him in the balls. DEKU!!

no!!!! [swipes at the air in an attempt to ward off the oncoming plot] go away! shoo!

and interestingly, Tokoyami is watching him!

do you want in on this plot too buddy. is that it. well your mentor has gotten himself all wound up in this spider’s web by this point, so why not. if we’re gonna have angst I guess the more the merrier

LMAO NEVER MIND, THE VERY NEXT PANEL HE’S ASKING DEKU TO PASS THE FUCKING PONZU AGAIN. DEKU COULD YOU FUCKING SNAP TO IT ALREADY HOW MANY GODDAMN TIMES DOES HE HAVE TO ASK

NOW ALL MIGHT IS SITTING ALONE ON A BENCH OUTSIDE THE TEACHER’S DORMS AND AIZAWA IS THERE SUDDENLY

is he going to talk to him about Eri. or the whole Noumu thing. ahhhhhhh

someone please tell All Might he needs to stop acting like he’s about to die. holy shit. this is reaching unacceptable levels. the fond smile while watching Deku’s progress. another fond smile while seeing him and Bakugou going back and forth, perhaps feeling reassured that someone else will be there to look out for Deku once he’s gone. giving Deku a notebook with everything he knows about OFA. and now SITTING ON A BENCH ALONE IN THE DARK IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER WITH HIS HANDS FOLDED IN HIS LAP JUST THINKING THOUGHTS!! AND AIZAWA’S ALL “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” AND HE’S ALL “NOTHING... JUST...” HOLY FUCKING SHIT ALL MIGHT COULD YOU PLEASE NOT

but anyways so what’s this you say about training Eri now

fffFFFFFS HE’S DOING IT AGAIN

he doesn’t know if he’ll be here come springtime, that’s what’s up. the clock is ticking on Nighteye’s prophecy, and even though he swore he’d live and punch fate in the mouth, you never know though and shit but this is depressing. anyway if my guess is right he may be about to share the secret of OFA with Aizawa though, because that’s what I’d do if I thought I was possibly gonna die and my student might need someone to continue mentoring him once I was gone. so, you know, still a bummer but also YES ALL MIGHT DO ITTTTT

oh nope nevermind he’s just rambling and Aizawa doesn’t have a clue wtf he’s on about

fffff this is some prime grade A All Might angst right here, the gods have blessed us after so long oh snap oh dang

so then maybe he doesn’t think he’s dying lol. well whatever. I think it’s probably a little of column A, a little of column B, that sort of thing but hey

yo you guys, Aizawa bonding with All Might is just. [chef’s kiss] it’s been so long. I don’t think we’ve had a long scene between them since the parent teacher meetings oh my god. Aizawa definitely respects him so much more now and it’s great

totally off subject btw, but the third light novel has a chapter where the teachers all meet up at a local bar and get trashed and talk about all kinds of crap, and Aizawa drunkenly tells All Might he respects the hell out of him, and it’s an absolute delight and everyone should read it. here’s the link to the Viz edition. it’s easily the best of the light novels (though I haven’t read the fourth one which is coming out in March), and an enjoyable read from start to finish. anyways thus ends my unsponsored plug, now back to our regularly scheduled programming

yep. safe to say the days when he thought All Might was an attention-loving media whore are long gone. fuck I love this

oh my god oh my fucking god

wow. just. ...shit. this is a message that I think everyone should hear, first of all, and this is easily one of the most gorgeous and profound panels this manga has ever had. like holy shit I almost cried

and second of all, tell me something, how is Aizawa the most comforting, gentle, supportive, encouraging man in the universe, and how did we get so lucky, and can you believe this man wasn’t even planning to become a teacher holy shit. we can’t afford to lose him, ever

OH FUCK ALL MIGHT, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU START CRYING HERE --

let me tell you I did not need that flashback panel of Nighteye TODAY OF ALL DAYS, HOLY SHIT. THE HELL KIND OF TIMING IS THAT. HE KNEW WHAT EPISODE WAS AIRING THIS WEEKEND, HE DOES SKETCHES FOR THEM EVERY WEEK, THIS WAS FULLY INTENTIONAL AND I FEEL AGGRIEVED

my god All Might is pinching the corners of his eyes and apologizing I can’t. STOP OFFLOADING ALL OF THESE ALL MIGHT FEELS ON ME. even now, after everything he’s given, he still feels like it’s not enough. it’s in his nature to feel restless, to want to do more. he’s earned the right to rest -- earned it more than anyone in the world -- but he can’t, and he feels guilty and helpless because the burden he shouldered for so long has been passed on to everyone else now, and he knows how heavy it is, and he was so willing to carry it even if it destroyed him, but he can’t anymore! and then to have someone come along and say “it’s okay, you’ve done enough, you’re doing enough, you are enough,” just. shit shit shit shit shit. I can hear Horikoshi’s truck beeping as it backs up to dump YET MORE FEELS all over my goddamn house. there are feels being tossed out of an airplane door overhead with little parachutes. fucking paperboys are riding by on their bicycles and whipping them at my face screaming “EXTRA! EXTRA!” fucking...

-- HOLY SHIT!?!?

well my jaw just dropped. um. [peeks at calendar] do you mean to tell me that we’re just CUTTING STRAIGHT TO THE PARTY NOW, JUST LIKE THAT

WELL FUCK, LMAO. BEEN NICE KNOWING Y’ALL

sDFLKSHGLKH

Horikoshi: [poking his head in the door] hey what’s up guys just thought I’d toss in this panel of Ujiko here to remind you all that Spring is when --

everyone: JESUS CHRIST WE KNOW

-- WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK LOL, WHAT

well I guess it’s nice to know that those feelings of impending doom were apparently RIGHT ON THE MONEY sob. NOTHING TO SEE HERE, JUST THE END OF ALL HEROES!! JUST UJIKO ROAMING THE HALLS OF HIS LOCAL HOSPITAL BEING ALL “HO HO” BECAUSE HE’S FINISHED HIS WINTER PROJECT OF TURNING TOMURA INTO ONE OF THE FOUR HORSEMEN AND HE’S FEELING REALLY FUCKING GREAT ABOUT LIFE. JUST THE MANGA JUMPING AHEAD THREE FUCKING MONTHS JUST LIKE THAT, AND DROPPING US BACK IN BARELY A WEEK BEFORE THE START OF THE KIDS’ SECOND YEAR, A.K.A. “YEAR OF THE SHINSOU”, A.K.A. “YEAR THAT KACCHAN FINALLY REVEALS HIS HERO NAME BECAUSE HOLY SHIT SON YOU REALLY FUCKING SAT ON THAT FOR THREE MORE FUCKING MONTHS!?”, A.K.A. “THE YEAR ALL MIGHT BETTER NOT FUCKING DIE”, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, A.K.A. “[GESTURES FRANTICALLY TO CHAPTER 245 AGAIN]”

lol. here I was hoping we had at least a little more time before the whole “we’re fucked” thing kicked in, but I guess the apocalypse waits for no one. gentlemen it has been a privilege playing with you tonight

[longsightmyth]

Aaaaaaaaaand here’s what I’ve got so far for the current readthrough of ToD for fragments etc. Sharp eyes will note that it has taken me over a year and I still haven’t finished the reread. It’s just very bad, okay? Cut for dash mercy.

June 21, 2018 – page 4 

 0.61% "Apparently the problem with Adarlan conquering everything was not the conquering, but the fact that they had an evil dictator in charge.

I mean, in fairness, the evil dictator probably didn't HELP, but in the kind of person who considers conquering a symptom of BEING an evil dictator, so?"

June 21, 2018 – page 15 

 2.27% ""That Sartaq was here... they had to have known, then. Well in advance. That she and Chaol were coming."

That reads like I hit the space bar on my iPhone a couple too many times but I swear to you that is exactly how it's written in the book. I have changed NOTHING."

June 21, 2018 – page 16 

 2.42% "I'm also still confused about why the captain of the royal guard was sent as an ambassador instead of staying to administer the royal guard."

June 27, 2018 – page 19 

 2.88% "There are so many fragments, y'all. So many."

June 27, 2018 – page 27 

 4.09% "For once the angst feels earned here (we know that Nesryn cares and works for the wellbeing of Rifthold and her family and we've seen it). Do I wish there were fewer Drama Fragments? Yes. Still, I'm glad we got this bit from Nesryn's PoV and for once it wasn't All About Celaena OR A Boy."

June 28, 2018 – page 30 

 4.55% ""My Tumelun. The words told enough about the prince's closeness with his sister."

First of all, OBVIOUSLY. Second, there really is a way to say this as if Chaol is thinking it and not as if you are explaining to the reader. For instance:

"My Tumelun. They had been close, then."

BOOM."

June 28, 2018 – page 30 

 4.55% "I've harped on this before, and while it's permissible for Kashin in his grief and/or naïveté to have blind spots ("no one within our lands would be stupid enough [to murder Tumelun]") Chaol has no such excuse and neither does the narrative."

June 28, 2018 – page 31 

 4.7% ""...Aelin had hard lines that she did not cross. Killing or harming children was one of them."

Let me refer you to that time in Heir of Fire where she threatened to burn an entire city's population alive and we were from her PoV so we know she meant it and she SAID IT WITH A SMILE."

June 28, 2018 – page 31 

 4.7% "Also that time she threatened to burn up the population of Rifthold."

June 28, 2018 – page 31 

 4.7% "Oh yeah also that manor house she said she'd kill the entire population of if even a tiny word got out about her presence or previous presence there. That place had kids too. I'm pretty sure we saw and/or heard them playing in the yard."

June 28, 2018 – page 31 

 4.7% "Just because she hasn't threatened or hurt a SPECIFIC CHILD for SPECIFIC REASONS does not mean that she doesn't harm or (in fairness threaten to) murder children. That's just three examples off the top of my head."

June 28, 2018 – page 33 

 5.0% ""Had not even considered that the shadow of Morath might have already stretched this far."

Chaol, per Queen of Shadows the Valg, whose stated intentions are to destroy the world and rule the ruins, have been out and plotting since BEFORE YOU WERE BORN. You're an idiot if you didn't consider them using over twenty years of time to, oh, WORK TOWARDS DESTROYING THE WHOLE WORLD AND RULING THE RUINS."

June 28, 2018 – page 33 

 5.0% "Then again the series never considered that before this point either so maybe I should cut Chaol some slack?"

June 28, 2018 – page 35 

 5.3% "This reads like a dude wrote it, and not a dude who thinks women are actual people."

July 9, 2018 – page 37 

 5.61% ""Until an unknown healer's daughter from Fenharrow [who had only been training for two years] was approached by healers old and young, who had trained their entire lives, for her advice and assistance."

Look."

July 9, 2018 – page 37 

 5.61% "If this was portrayed as 'they needed somebody with a hella lot of magic and guided her through things' that would be one thing, but are you telling me this chick is in her second year at the magical equivalent of medical school and all of the surgeons are coming to her for surgery advice?"

July 9, 2018 – page 37 

 5.61% "I think I commented on this last time but still:

"There were two such vials on the desk now, clear orbs atop silver feet fashioned after ibis legs. Being purified by the endless sunshine within the tower."

You'd think I made a mistake typing with my phone, right? Hit the space bar twice maybe and added an accidental period?

I did not. That's a direct quote from the book."

July 9, 2018 – page 44 

 6.67% "Are Renia and Hassar married or not, please make up your mind, book. Here Renia is referred to as Hassar's lover but I think later on it says wife without any marriage happening in between so like."

July 24, 2018 – page 53 

 8.03% ""Chaol had barely slept.

Partially due to the unrelenting heat, partially due to the fact that they were in a tentative ally's fraught household, full of potential spies and unknown dangers- perhaps even from Morath itself - and partially due to what had befallen Rifthold and all he held dear.

And partially due to the meeting that he was now minutes away from having.""

July 24, 2018 – page 53 

 8.03% "This is what happens when you rush books, don't listen to your editor, and use second drafts at best."

July 24, 2018 – page 53 

 8.03% ""Chaol barely slept that night. It could have been the unrelenting heat, it could have been the spies and unknown dangers of the house - or of Morath. It could have been the news of Rifthold, and the lack of news that followed. It could have been all of it.

Part of it was definitely the anxiety over the meeting that had yet to begin."

**jazz hands**"

July 24, 2018 – page 54 

 8.18% ""They'd asked him about the butchering of the slaves in Calaculla and Endovier at dinner.

Or the oily one, Arghun, did. Had the prince been among Chaol's new recruits to the royal guard, he would have easily gotten him to fall in line thanks to a few well-timed shows of skill and sheer dominance. But here, he had no authority to bring the conniving, haughty prince to heel.

Not even when Arghun wanted to know...""

July 24, 2018 – page 54 

 8.18% ""...why the former King of Adarlan had deemed it necessary to enslave his people. And then put them down like animals. Why the man had not looked to the southern continent for education on the horrors of the stain of slavery - and avoided instituting it.

Chaol had to offer curt answers on the verge of being impolite. Sartaq, the only one of them beyond Kashin whom Chaol was inclined to like, had finally tired..."

July 24, 2018 – page 54 

 8.18% ""...of his older brother's questioning and steered the conversation away."

Holy mackerel is there a lot to unpack there, but first of all: Arghun for president, y'all.

Second, king is improperly capitalized there. Have fun with that.

Third, why is Arghun the oily conniving one for being like 'yo why the hell did y'all keep slaves?'"

July 24, 2018 – page 54 

 8.18% "Fourth, it might be poor diplomacy on a technical level, but honestly Arghun and the SC contingent have all the power here. They don't have to worry about being polite, because what are Chaol and Nesryn going to do, leave? (they probably wish they would)"

July 24, 2018 – page 54 

 8.18% "Fifth, Chaol, suck it up. You participated in and helped to continue a regime that not only practiced slavery but encouraged it. I have no sympathy for your hurt feelings about being called on it. Aren't you supposed to be anti-slavery? Shouldn't you be going 'look man it sucked and was wrong. I know that. You know that. The new king has ended the practice even if he apparently hasn't considered reparations.'"

July 24, 2018 – page 54 

 8.18% "But no, Arghun is the one in the wrong here apparently?"

July 25, 2018 – page 57 

 8.64% "I'd forgotten Yrene's 'honey-colored' hands."

July 25, 2018 – page 66 

 10.0% "Still unsure why a medical professional won't just say the word penis."

July 25, 2018 – page 70 

 10.61% "Okay I got one mention of male healers existing. Apparently it's almost exclusively a female gift. Why? Who knows. Not the book.

Nothing mentioned about any cultural stuff surrounding it either."

July 25, 2018 – page 71 

 10.76% "I'm starting to wonder if the author just hasn't realized how self-aggrandizing things sound when written in third person limited or first person?"

August 26, 2018 – page 82 

 12.42%

August 27, 2018 – page 86 

 13.03% "Sure of course it's a weakness to care where the only other member of your diplomatic envoy is and if she's gone missing. Of course. It's obviously not just common sense or competence. Why are the 'politics' in these books such nonsense."

August 27, 2018 – page 87 

 13.18% "Other people have commented on this, but if everyone here is human why does the book keep calling everyone males and females."

August 27, 2018 – page 88 

 13.33% ""See how he trips over himself," Arghun muttered over Duva, her husband, and Chaol to say to Sartaq.

 That makes it look like Arghun is a married woman talking over her husband, when I know that Arghun is an unmarried man. You have to specify in this case. Or you could, you know. Name your characters."

August 27, 2018 – page 89 

 13.48% ""Kashin shut his mouth, ever the trained soldier.

And somehow Chaol knew-that fast-that Kashin was not being considered for the throne."

First of all, SOMEHOW? You detail why in the next sentence."

August 27, 2018 – page 89 

 13.48% ""...he seemed decent, though. A better alternative than the sneering, aloof Arghun, or the wolflike Hasar."

Interesting how being wolflike is positive when it's men but negative when it's women.

Also, Arghun for president. He's the spymaster dude who talks to the viziers. Obviously my vote goes to Arghun."

August 27, 2018 – page 91 

 13.79% "I hate how Chaol lecturing Nesryn about coming in late morphs into him patronizing her about how they're fighting to make Adarlan safer for her specifically.

Listen, dickface. She's the one who apparently had ROCKS thrown at her in Adarlan. Let her enjoy walking around safely.

Also I hate that he's lecturing her about coming in late."

August 27, 2018 – page 97 

 14.7% "So. I appreciate that Yrene tries in this one instance to be considerate of Chaol's wants/needs, re: his disability. I appreciate MUCH LESS that it is here specifically in an attempt to contrast Yrene and Nesryn. I wouldn't even be super mad about that except that Yrene is only considerate of Chaol and his wants/needs, re: his disability when Nesryn is around to be contrasted against."

August 27, 2018 – page 97 

 14.7% "It only counts as a character trait if it's consistent, and it isn't. Instead it's used as a way to shame Nesryn, when Yrene does the same and worse to Chaol multiple times but is excused because 'she means well.'"

August 27, 2018 – page 99 

 15.0% "This is SO STUPID she is a healer DOING HER JOB why does it MATTER if she goes into his bedroom?"

August 27, 2018 – page 103 

 15.61% "This is a tiny thing in the grand scheme but "pure as sea-foam" made me laugh because I live in Florida and there is a lot of sea-foam. Almost none of it is 'pure'."

August 27, 2018 – page 109 

 16.52% "I don't care how many times it shows up. I am going to mark The Hand of the King/ The Hand of Adarlan with a red tab labeled ASoIaF EVERY TIME."

September 27, 2018 – page 113 

 17.12% ""You must enter where you fear to tread."

Uh-huh."

September 27, 2018 – page 115 

 17.42% "So while I like the idea of this scene with Yrene and the other healer, the fact remains that it has taken more than 100 pages to show us something that is ostensibly a fundamental part of Yrene's character, and from what I remember we have precious few other scenes of it later."

September 27, 2018 – page 115 

 17.42% "The trait? That Yrene has a drive to help people."

September 27, 2018 – page 117 

 17.73% ""How many meals had he himself been positioned by the doors, or out in the courtyard, monitoring his king? How many times had he laid into his men for slouching, for chattering amongst themselves, and reassigned them to lesser watches?""

September 27, 2018 – page 117 

 17.73% "Okay first of all, as THE (singular, only) captain of the royal guard your place is the organizing, hiring, and inspecting of the Royal guard, not the actual guarding except for special occasions, at which point you would be with the king as the visible face of the king's protection."

September 27, 2018 – page 117 

 17.73% "SECOND. You have never 'laid into' guards for chatting or slouching. You have in fact completely forgiven them for ABANDONING THEIR POSTS WITHOUT NOTICE because somebody else said it was fine. Your response? "Okay just don't do it again.""

September 27, 2018 – page 117 

 17.73% "I repeat, they abandoned their posts because a general from a conquered land told them it was fine, leaving their king completely open to attack, and you told them 'okay just don't do it again'"

September 27, 2018 – page 117 

 17.73% "Am I harping on this? ABSOLUTELY. Chaol's inner turmoil loses all emotional punch because he and the narrative are LYING to us. Instead of pulling my heartstrings, it just makes me angry.

This is also why Maas is the queen of the retcon, by the way."

September 27, 2018 – page 117 

 17.73% ""No sign - none - of any wicked force, whether dispatched from Morath or elsewhere. No sign beyond those white banners to honor their fallen princess."

I had no idea the wicked forces had a fallen princess, single separate two-sentence paragraph.

Also, it should be 'the white banners'"

September 27, 2018 – page 117 

 17.73% ""There was no sign of wickedness, from Morath or elsewhere - no sign but the white banners that honored the fallen princess."

It's not HARD, book."

November 30, 2018 – page 121 

 18.33% ""A summer storm galloped in off the sea just before midnight."

This one might be petty and I freely admit it, but that's kind of a funky way to put that."

February 11, 2019 – page 121 

 18.33% "I'm back!

I'd forgotten how awful the em dashes were. Like, I remembered they were BAD, I'd just forgotten HOW bad."

February 11, 2019 – page 123 

 18.64% "Picturing Kat's face in the section with Yrene and the 10,000+ year old document being touched with bare hands is what keeps me going y'all"

February 11, 2019 – page 127 

 19.24% "For someone ostensibly skeptical, Yrene sure does take every illustration in the book literally instead of even considering the possibility of metaphors or, like. Science."

February 11, 2019 – page 129 

 19.55% "The irony of Yrene being better at situational awareness and planning what around her could be improvised weaponry than Celaena, who ostensibly taught her these things, is not lost on me.

It's lost on the book though."

February 11, 2019 – page 132 

 20.0% "Why does everyone in these books have a capitalized Heir"

February 11, 2019 – page 132 

 20.0% "Also, the Heir Librarian as a title sounds stupid (no that's literally the title, not even Heir to the Librarian or anything)"

February 11, 2019 – page 132 

 20.0% "All it would take was a week observing the library to know it never closes and Bob's your uncle the 'closing toll' of the library bell jig is up.

I'm just saying."

May 4, 2019 – page 144 

 21.82%

July 22, 2019 – page 145 

 21.97% ""Either your lack on consciousness during that initial healing kept you from feeling this sort of pain, or perhaps whatever this is had not... settled."

Or Sarah Janet needed More Drama."

July 22, 2019 – page 146 

 22.12% "I forgot that apparently the valg magic and therefore Chaol's injury persists because it's feeding on his self hate or whatever.

See kids, all you have to do is be happy and believe in yourself and your disability will go away."

July 22, 2019 – page 146 

 22.12% ""It was all he could do not to shrink from that frank gaze."

Why not her frank gaze? Like, it's not grammatically incorrect - the sentence before says she's staring at him, it's referring to a gaze mentioned before - but I don't think it's strong writing."

July 22, 2019 – page 146 

 22.12% "Have Yrene own her frank gaze or have Chaol associate it with her directly instead of disconnecting it. "It was all he could do not to flinch from her frank gaze."

YMMV I guess."

July 22, 2019 – page 147 

 22.27% ""Yrene's face was an unreadable mask that would have given Dorian a run for his money."

Maybe it's my own failing, but Dorian has never been described as expressionless or unreadable in my memory, or at least not enough to stick out."

July 22, 2019 – page 148 

 22.42% ""Since [Nesryn's] hair fell only to her shoulders, he had difficulty braiding it back"

French braids are a thing, even if I'd object to them being called French braids in these books."

July 22, 2019 – page 150 

 22.73% ""A land claimed by a conquering nation, yet loved and nurtured."

Not you too, Nesryn."

July 22, 2019 – page 154 

 23.33% ""There is beauty in my father's lands," the prince went on while Kadara ripped into that monstrous carcass, "but there is much lurking beneath the surface, too."

Sigh.

"There is beauty in my father's lands," the prince went on while Kadara feasted on the monster, "but much lurks beneath the surface, too.""

July 23, 2019 – page 161 

 24.39% "Love how Yrene explicitly says "add lots of honey" but is then judgy because Kadja added too much honey."

July 25, 2019 – page 162 

 24.55% "There's this thing we have where we consider the endurance of pain a virtue, somehow. Even if you agree with that, bad people can still have virtues.

Yrene starts rethinking Chaol's morality because he 'did not break' over the pain when her magic was trying to heal him.

Tldr: pain endurance is not the sole province of good people, and enduring pain doesn't make you good"

July 25, 2019 – page 164 

 24.85% "Why ARE the valg only trying to kill Yrene if she has the same healing gift as other healers?"

July 25, 2019 – page 164 

 24.85% "Okay also my disability is not Chaol's disability etc etc but the narrative is poo-pooing on Nesryn and Kadja for helping him into bed when he's so tired he can barley talk, because Yrene would have made him do it himself.

Like, honestly? That makes Yrene sound an awful lot like somebody who would go 'you're out of spoons? Do it anyway'"

July 25, 2019 – page 166 

 25.15% "Look y'all much as I dislike Yrene on a personal level she isn't WRONG for clearly having 'personal reservations' about Chaol's 'former role in the empire'.

He not only benefitted from but actively worked to keep the aforementioned empire in power. He got FRUSTRATED when the king wouldn't let him guard the king effectively. He wasn't even just some dude off in the hinterlands: HE WAS THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD."

November 4, 2019 – page 176 

 26.67% "In all seriousness what is Sarah Janet Maas' beef with the word 'the'?"

November 4, 2019 – page 176 

 26.67% "WHITE

FUCKING

HORSES"

November 4, 2019 – page 178 

 26.97% "How does Yrene have a good seat and yet bounce everywhere and keep grabbing the saddle horn"

November 4, 2019 – page 184 

 27.88% "Oh yeah. This part."

November 4, 2019 – page 184 

 27.88% ""The skin was leathery - as warm as her smile."

The one time you use 'the' it's in a place that detaches the reader from a living breathing human's human-ness? HER skin, book. HER skin."

November 4, 2019 – page 186 

 28.18% "The page (well, this and the one before) that made me hate Yrene."

November 17, 2019 – page 187 

 28.33% ""She means well, my Yrene."

That doesn't matter when she literally asked a disabled man to help her with something and when he got there PROCEEDED TO LECTURE AN ENTIRE YARD ON HIS DISABILITY WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION, WHEN HE LITERALLY PHYSICALLY COULD NOT LEAVE.

And to the best of my recollection she never apologizes."

November 17, 2019 – page 187 

 28.33% ""Her instinct is to teach other people" How lovely maybe she could do that without LITERALLY HOLDING A DISABLED MAN THERE AGAINST HIS WILL.

"But Myth, she didn't mean to! She just wasn't thinking"

LITERALLY MY POINT"

November 17, 2019 – page 187 

 28.33% ""But Myth, the author didn't mean to make it like that" Maybe if she'd bothered ASKING a single disabled person instead of watching some youtube videos she might have LEARNED."

November 17, 2019 – page 190 

 28.79% "And look. I applaud people learning how to defend themselves and teaching others. HOWEVER. Chaol has only taught soldiers, and aside from that the idea that one or two sessions allows you to master several self-defense techniques is unlikely at best. It takes time, it takes repetition, and it takes someone who had more than one morning's instruction herself.

Just saying."

January 4, 2020 – Shelved as: assassin-rolls-do-it-better

May 30, 2020 – page 191 

 28.94% "It’s hard to tell with this author what distance we are in the narration. Feyre and Yrene both make snide little comments about people not caring or not doing something (in Yrene’s case, Chaol not smiling at her after her despicable behavior, in Feyre’s case Nesta not getting her a gift). I begin to suspect we aren’t supposed to see this as the character commenting on the event but the narration."

May 30, 2020 – page 191 

 28.94% "UNFORTUNATELY the books are written in close POV’s, Feyre’s in first and Yrene’s and Chaol’s in third. The result is that whatever the narration says is coming from the character.

This is a long way to say that Yrene continues to be terrible."

May 30, 2020 – page 193 

 29.24% "I don’t have enough orange tabs for this"

May 30, 2020 – page 194 

 29.39% "Yrene says here “[until that moment] she hadn’t felt like a barnyard animal” and I am not an expert but that seems like a Bad Thing to have about one of the only black women you haven’t killed off, Book."

May 30, 2020 – page 195 

 29.55% "“Did I do something to you today?”

*squints*"

May 30, 2020 – page 196 

 29.7% "I’m not going to pretend that Nesryn’s reaction here is perfect, but the book is trying to pretend it’s terrible and it’s not? She’s excited that Chaol can ride, she talks to Chaol directly about it, and immediately accepts that he can and says excitedly that maybe they can go see her family together. The initial disbelief might be disconcerting for some people, but she does several things Yrene does not."

May 30, 2020 – page 196 

 29.7% "As I said, she speaks directly to Chaol about his abilities (something Yrene doesn’t do), asks if he wants to do something together (permission is something for OTHER PEOPLE to Yrene, apparently, at least in regards to revealing someone’s medical information and literally moving people without their permission) and is immediately EXCITED that he can do something Chaol has specifically said he missed."

May 30, 2020 – page 196 

 29.7% "For the record these are all low bars to clear, but for all the book tries to contrast Yrene and Nesryn’s reactions to Chaol’s disability and how he works with and around it in Yrene’s favor, NESRYN IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CLEARS THE BARS.

But I’m supposed to be upset that she’s surprised that Chaol rode when he hasn’t been able to lately? Through a city that he’s never been to before? Without telling her?"

May 30, 2020 – page 196 

 29.7% "Not only are these two the only members of an embassy, they are romantically involved. OF COURSE SHE’S SURPRISED ALL OF THIS HAPPENED WITHOUT HER KNOWING ABOUT IT."

May 30, 2020 – page 198 

 30.0% "At least she apologizes FINALLY but also says that it’s because so few people come in with his injury that she wanted to show her students.

So then you ASK, Yrene, what is this bullshit?"

May 30, 2020 – page 199 

 30.15% "“She hadn’t considered - his feelings. That he might have them.”

Excuse me, what?"

May 30, 2020 – page 199 

 30.15% "Yrene is worried that if she leaves the ‘rift’ between her and Chaol will never be repaired because “Healers and their patients required trust. A bond.”

It’s too bad you have repeatedly fucked that up with unprofessional, unthinking, and downright cruel behavior then isn’t it, Yrene?"

May 30, 2020 – page 199 

 30.15% "I’m sure some people reading this statuses will think I’m being too harsh, but let me explain: Yrene is a healer who has dealt with this kind of injury before. That’s why she was textually assigned to Chaol. Yrene is not a family member who knows nothing of medicine or patient treatment and is feeling her way through learning how to respectfully assist someone with a disability."

May 30, 2020 – page 199 

 30.15% "Yrene is a PROFESSIONAL, she keeps telling us. She is The Best. She has dealt with this before.

There is literally no excuse for accidentally doing this. Had Yrene been a new healer tossed into this because she just happens to have magical power enough for it and was still a student, I would buy that she maybe hadn’t had the experience to think about it. If she was portrayed as a consummate professional who..."

May 30, 2020 – page 199 

 30.15% "...did not care about her patients’ feelings so long as she healed their bodies, I would buy it.

She isn’t. The book keeps trying to tell me she is The Best because of temperament and skill and power, but it fails to realize that doing so puts Yrene in a terrible light because all of those things mean she should KNOW BETTER."

[lemonietrinket]

Breakfast in Bed ||| Wonpil x Reader

Summary: Making breakfast in bed for your bf on his birthday Genre: Fluff, you know the drill Warning(s): jam None  Word Count: 1558  Theme Song: Red - The Rose AN: Happy Birthday Pillie! A request/idea from @idontknowapil and now a birthday present for the brightest angel that has ever existed. Married AU bc why not

~~~

You rubbed your eyes as you placed the knife safely in a mug by the sink, taking in the sight of your handiwork.

The toast heart was a little bit lopsided you had to admit, but you’d managed to get the jam to the correct thickness and the sides decorated to perfection. Still, your work wasn’t over. 

Feeling the pride giving you a boost of energy boost against the drain of having gotten up so early, you placed the mango and raspberry squash on the tray before lifting it carefully. 

Taking the stairs slowly, you eventually reached the top without a single drop spilt much to your satisfaction.  Easing your shared bedroom’s door open with your foot, you reentered the safe haven that had taken you so much effort to drag yourself from. A smile arose to your features as soon as you spotted the precious man that all your hard work was done for. He was still fast asleep, one arm stretched up onto the pillow with the other having remained where it had been as he cradled you during the night.

He was so adorable that it made your heart flutter, his naturally wavier hair uncaged by the straighteners he insisting on using and left free to curl over his forehead. His features seemed to be lightly furrowed, as if his dream required him to think, and it pouted his lips so sweetly. 

It took a lot of effort not to just abandon everything you’d made to join him beneath the covers once again. Still, you knew his face would be a piece of art when he woke up to see the breakfast you had prepared for him, so you stuck with the plan. 

Tiptoeing over to the bed, you placed the tray where you had sprawled so the chances of him knocking it were slim, before returning to his side.  Leaning over so you could get a better view of the beauty before you, you drew your fingers gently over his temple. Shifting a lock of hair from his skin, you pressed a kiss softly there. He was frankly irresistible, and you found yourself ducking in to plant another on his exposed cheek—the other smushed into the pillow. 

He huffed cutely in his sleep which led you to giggle; he was coming away from the world of dreams but he wasn’t quite out yet. Flicking a glance to the toast that was inevitably enjoyed much more warm, you realised it would take some more drastic measures to pull him from his slumber in time for breakfast.

Pulling the duvet the slightest bit away from his chin you nestled his jaw in the palm of your hand, tracing your thumb across the apple of his cheek. 

“Wonpil, sweetheart,” you sang tenderly, “time for breakfast.”

After receiving a scrunch of his nose as proof that your tactic was working, you let yourself chuckle at how cute he was. Giving into the temptation, you placed another kiss this time upon his nose.  This elicited a hum and before you knew it, your husband—too adorable to be true—was dozily opening his eyes.

“Good morning,” you greeted, his hand leaving the pillow and rubbing his cheeks and eyes into a further state of awake. 

“Morning,” he reciprocated with a voice gravelly from sleep, as he used most of the energy he had to lift himself ever so slightly, just so he could kiss your nose in return. It was weak, but you knew it was a precursor of what was to come. 

Making more of a gap so he could begin to breathe some cool air and awake further, you smiled at him sunnily. “Happy birthday sweetheart.”

That seemed to pry him open a bit more. “Oh!” 

He began to shift himself up in bed, ready to get out after seeing the joy in your eyes and quickly rationalising you had a plan. He was confused, then, when you pressed your hand to his chest and encouraged him to merely lay back against the headboard. 

“Get yourself comfortable,” you said with a wink, as you levied the tray across into both your hands, “because you have a special treat.”

To say his eyes widened would be an understatement. You were convinced that they had wettened at the image of the breakfast you’d made and brought him. It wasn’t the first time either of you’d had breakfast brought to them in bed, but the level of handiwork this time seemed extra special—even if it was simpler than a few of the other occasions.

“I felt bad that you’d lost out on some toast so I got you some extra bits,” you pointed to the ‘side dishes’, a portion of salad, some toast soldiers coupled with a soft boiled egg.

He looked on the food you’d gotten him with what could only be described as a happy pout. “Thank you so much, this is just so perfect... I love you so much!”

You felt your heart swell, encouraging him to tuck in. “Before it gets cold!”

While he tucked into the heart shaped toast you slipped back into the warmth of the bed beside him, resting your head on his shoulder as you watched him enjoy the mix ‘n’ match breakfast you’d presented to him.

“It tastes so good,” he exclaimed through a slightly-full mouth, unable to hold in his compliments any longer.

“It’s just the usual jam on toast,” you humbly admitted. Not that he would have that.

He shook his head, dusting his fingers off on a napkin you’d found unused from your housewarming party. “No this definitely tastes even better than normal toast.” He let his hand no free of crumbs stroke your hair as he gazed at you, fully awake and bubbly like his normal self. “It’s the taste of love, that’s what it is.”

“Ew, corny,” you scoffed, turning your head away from him to avoid his stare catching the blush that had bloomed upon your cheeks. 

He laughed, dusting off his heart toast and swiftly moving onto his egg.

“This is going to taste more than amazing too,” he announced, ducking down to kiss your head, while you let your eyes rest.

When he got a subdued response—a smile, yes, but with closed eyes—he realised you could easily fall back asleep, and that would not do.

Savouring the first taste of the egg, he brought a soldier of toast and dipped it into the vibrant, runny yoke.

“Y/N, honey, stay with me,” he giggled, running his hand down to your shoulder and rubbing lovingly, “here.”

You opened your eyes to see the tantalising sliver of toast neatly coated with yolk being held towards you. Feeling your stomach rumble out of negligence on your behalf to your own hunger you very nearly didn’t stop yourself from accepting his offer. “Pillie, it’s your breakfast!”

“Yeah, which means I choose where it goes,” he countered smoothly, gasping in faux indignance, “am I not allowed to feed my own wife?”

You pouted, before letting him feed you. He did so with a grin so radiant you were beginning to reckon you were going to need sunglasses to appreciate him in all his glory.  The taste awoke your senses and you savoured the bite, letting the texture seep in and elicit a satisfied groan from you.

“You know what you’re right, this stuff does taste much better,” you backtracked, frowning quizzically at your work.

“Because... love infusion,” he declared in English, fumbling only a bit over the phonetics.

You felt yourself burst into laughter. He was too good for your heart. “I guess so, yeah.”

He continued to feed you slips of toast, and then spoonfuls of the egg itself, and eventually you learnt that there was no point in insisting it was all for him.

Once it was all finished, his drink sipped and not a single sprig of salad remaining, Wonpil reclined back with a sated sigh.

“Best meal ever,” he stated, “Ramsay’s got nothing on you.”

Rolling your eyes with a smile you moved the tray out of the way for him and onto your bedside table, changing the subject as you did so. “So, do you want to see your present?”

His motions to begin retreating beneath the duvets again immediately halted. “This wasn’t my present?”

“One of them yes,” you explained, surprised that he thought you wouldn’t have gotten him anything substantial, “but the proper one is downstairs!”

He reasoned with the suggestion for a moment, before a mischievous glint settled in his eye. “I think I’ll take my second one first.” 

You weren’t given long to be confused, your lips parting to chide him for sinking under the blankets once again, but the chance to speak being taken away as he proceeded to snake his hands around your waist. Having propped yourself up on one elbow when he’d begun to move you slipped to the mattress with a gentle thud as he brought you flush to him.

Creating a cocoon for the two of you, you were finally enveloped in warmth as he grinned victoriously, nuzzling his nose into your hair.

“Let’s just stay here for a little bit, yeah?” he suggested, caressing your back.

And what could you say—you couldn’t say no to that man in a thousand years. Especially not on his birthday.

~~~

AN: my apologies idk korean breakfasts so we ran with some english stuff hell yeah

btw i hate this title its so basic so if it changes in the future dont be surprised

also fun fact about me:

i hate jam with like every inch of my life so 

Masterlist

[justlostinautumn]

Agent Zero Part 1

Natasha Romanoff x Reader (Agent Zero)

Agent Zero is the best of the best and puts The Avengers to shame. She isn’t perfect and she knows that, but she has made many good decisions that have gotten her to where she is now and one of them was falling in love with a certain Black Widow. Natasha is the only one to know Y/N (Agent Zero).

Natasha had a big secret that she wasn’t sure she wanted to share with her team. But what happens when that secret is put into the middle of the team. Can she keep her wife secret or will the team all find out? If the team finds out how will they react to the news? How long will their game last and will it blow up in their faces when they are found out?

There are still secrets that need to be shared, stories not fully explained and truths that need to be told. Y/N isn’t a liar, but sometimes you bend the truth so much you don’t even remember what it is anymore.

The phone rings and she ignores it as she works the system ensuring she has everything she needs and wants when she leaves, there is no room for mistakes. The phone stops ringing and she sighs in relief, it was short-lived because it started up again with a groan she picked up.

“Third times a charm.” Nick’s voice rings in her ears.

“I thought me ignoring the two previous calls indicated I was busy.” She growled at him, already annoyed as she walked out of the building setting of the timer.

“I thought the mission was completed.” She could hear his smirk and she rolled her eyes.

“Just cleaning up, grabbing some files, blowing up the building... you know the normal stuff. The stuff your Avengers should be doing.” She sighed already bored with cleaning up their messes.

“About the Avengers, I have a new mission for you. I know you are going to say know but think of it this way Zero, the sooner they are fixed the sooner you can go back to your old jobs.” Nick knew this would win her over.

“There are other benefits to this job.” She smiles knowingly.

“She will be there.” Nick laughed knowing what she was getting at.

“I’ll be there in an hour or two.” She laughed as the building behind her blew up and she knew it was time to get moving so hanging up the phone she ran to her motorbike and speed away.

Nat didn’t know what Fury wanted and that made her nervous. No one could answer the question, ‘what does he want?’ Not even Maria could help her. This could mean many things and Nat didn’t want to think too hard about it! Walking up to Fury’s office she began to think all of the things she could have done wrong to get her here, but nothing was coming to mind. She had a few other ideas, but they made her stomach churn and she couldn’t stand the thought of it if it were to be true. Taking a deep breath she walks up to the office and can hear Fury calling her in.

“Nick it was a long mission, the information was extracted and the assets saved. We managed to capture almost all of the people at the facility and those who weren’t captured were killed.” A melodic voice that Nat knew well and hadn’t heard in almost 12 months.

“I’m glad you got out without any problems,” Nick smirked at her and looked over her shoulder at Nat. All Nat could do was stare at the back of her chair.

“Natalia!” The girl shouted jumping from her seat and into the arms of the Russian Agent.

“Y/N!” Nat whispered holding her tight and burying her face into the girls H/C hair.

“I have a new mission for you which is why Romanoff is here.” Fury interrupted the girls before the could start their make-out session.

“What? She’s just gotten back. No way in hell Fury! I just got her back.” Nat held on tighter to Y/N.

“Let me go, Darling.” Y/N whispered into Nat’s ear and with a sigh she does.

“As we were discussing before her debriefing she will be assisting the Avengers. You are here because I want to know how to introduce her to the team.” Nick looked between the ladies and wicked smiles formed on both their faces and they looked and nodded at each other before looking at Nick.

“Those are the faces of trouble! I guess I do not tell them you two are wife and wife?” He smirks, his eyes filled with laughter. He was loving this just as much as the girls were, there was bound to be a lot of trouble.

“Yep, we’re not telling. But, why is Y/N joining the team not that I don’t want her too, I’m just confused to why.” Nat looked between Y/N and Nick and she could see the conversation they were having between each other but she couldn’t seem to decipher it. She may be one of the best at reading people but, Nick and her wife were two people she couldn’t get a grip over. Every time she thinks she has it the rug is pulled from under her… but that is what makes Y/N the best.

“I think it’s best you find out with the rest of the team.” It is Y/N who speaks instead of Nick and this surprises Nat, something was happening and she wasn’t sure what it was.

Once Nat has left Nick and Y/N look at each other and they sigh heavily before Nick sends a message to the whole team about the meeting of a new team member.

“Are we sure this is a good idea?” Y/N looked at Nick as they walk down the halls.

“They need someone like you to help them work together, you did it with Romanoff and Barton.” Clint raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, but two people is different to a team, especially when that team includes super-soldiers, gods and magicians.” Y/N sighs running a hand through her tangled hair. She was suited in a black stealth suit that showed every curve of her body, the suit made her look amazing. She wore a pair of heeled combat boots and had guns and knives holstered to her thighs and hips. She was suited up like she was going on a mission... well more like she just came back from a mission.

“This is what they need to work as a team,” Nick said firmly.

“No. This is you trying to get Barnes to remember things that I have already told you. This is dangerous! I know you are reckless, but I never took you for stupid Nick.” Y/N tone was hard and Nick could see the worry in her eyes.

“How much does Natasha know?” Nick looked worried.

“Enough to keep her safe, there is a reason I don’t go around saying I am married. Nick, this is a dangerous game you are playing, are you ready for the consequences?” She looked Nick dead in the eye and even he could figure out what she was thinking, or what she was hiding.

“I know you and I trust you to keep them safe.” Nick stopped pulling her to the side so they can continue their talk before walking in.

“That’s stupid of you! But, I won’t let anything happen to them. This isn’t dangerous for them... well not all of them.” Y/N looked at him and he knew straight away what she meant.

“Y/...” Nick started but was cut off by Y/N.

“Don’t make a promise you can’t keep. It’ll be fine, it always is.” She smiles taking a deep breath, “I think we should go in before they all think you’re standing them up!”

When they walk into the living room the whole team was waiting for Nick, there was a thick tension in the room.

“Nice for you to grace us with your presence Fury,” Tony says sarcasm dripping from each word, Y/N’s lips twitch maybe this would be fun for her.

“I’m sorry were you busy.” Nick retorted and everyone stiffens, they know Nick is mocking them he knew better than them they hadn’t been doing anything. They had been benched and as they scanned the room they seemed to have noticed her behind him.

“He wants out of this room Nick, it’s clear to see. His posture is stiff, he’s body is angled towards the door. But and there is always a but, he stance is defensive and I am assuming it is because of the Soldier. But, correct me if I’m wrong.” Y/N speaks up watching everyone stare at her, Nat can’t help but be in awe of her wife.

“I’d like you to meet the best of the best, Agent Zero she is also known as The Reaper in many circles. Barton and Romanoff know her.” Nick speaks calmly and the team look at the two agents waiting for answers.

“Look good as always Zero,” Clint smirked.

“How’s the wife and the kids Barton?” She smirks back and he laughs.

“Hey, not here to kick us into shape again?” Nat smirks at her and Y/N knows Nat has figured a part of her mission out.

“That’s one part of many, along with being able to give you access to some of the most confidential files in the world.” She smirks back.

“Wait you are giving us free rein over your files.” Clint looks at her shocked.

“Not free rein. The leash is short and very tight, but I will give you access to the ones you will need.” Y/N nods at Clint.

“Do you know what that means?” Sam asked the rest of the team.

“Zero here is someone who knows everything, she has files on every organisation, their plans, their future… everything! This includes HYDRA, the Red Rooms, The US government and pretty much everyone, even you guys and SHIELD.” Nick speaks up and Steve and Tony are on their feet.

“That’s impossible,” Tony shouts.

“Actually very possible, FRIDAY has weaknesses. But, I’m not here for that. Don’t you want to know what my mission is?” She looks at each member her head slightly tilted and Nat and Clint shudder they know that look of mischief they still have nightmares about it.

“What are you doing here?” Steve’s voice is commanding, but she looks at him bored by it all.

“I’m here to fix you. You should thank Nick, this is the last favour he has to cash. He hoped you’d all resolve your problems, but you picked the hard way. I really do feel for Nat and Clint what is it the third time now?” The smile that twisted on Y/N lips made all of their stomachs drop.

“What do you mean fix?” Sam looked put out.

“You all go on a mission right now, I can tell you not all of you would come home. Some would die because of the enemy, but I would bet some would be because of friendly firer as a result of your little Civil War you had. Let me give you a news flash, the war is over… trust me there are people who have lost a lot more than you Stark.” She looks at Tony her eyes are cold and he swallows the lump in his throat.

“He killed my parents.” He whispered.

“I’ve killed people’s parents, people’s children. I’ve done things ten times worse than Barnes ever has and to this day I still do. The world isn’t black and white, it’s pretty fucking much grey. You forget he didn’t have a choice, you can’t blame someone who didn’t have control.” She looks him in the eye.

“What do you do?” Wanda looks at her.

“Think of me as a Free Agent. I’m whatever you need me to be darling.” She purrs, she could see that they all had varying look of astonishment and confusion.

“She’s a SHIELD Agent, it’s just because of the sensitivity of a lot of her missions she is not kept on file.” Fury states simply and everyone took a collective breath, while Nat and Clint were laughing.

“Still up to no good?” Clint smiles at her.

“Always Barton!” She smirks at him.

“What’s with the name?” Bucky frowned at her as if trying to pinpoint something about her and Nick watched closely. As much as she wanted to stiffen and shy away from him, she knew she couldn’t

“Zero is just instead of Reaper,” she answered her tone was bored.

“What’s your name?” Bucky growled and she smirked at him, this was something she knew he would do. In the corner of her eye she could see Nat tense up, Nat knew her and Barnes history it didn’t mean she was comfortable with it.

“No can do Soldier.” She laughed patting his chest and walking to the kitchen to escape them, she almost slipped up calling him Soldat instead of Soldier and she was getting nervous about the full mission.

“How are you going to fix us?” Bucky came up behind Y/N and she could tell he was on the defensive, especially considering that she was heavily armed still and she was avoiding all his questions.

“I need you all to learn to trust one another, it’s not going to be fun for you guys. But, Fury doesn’t want to let any of you in the field until you can all play nice.” She looks over her shoulder at Bucky, her eyes scanning Steve and Sam behind him.

“We work as a team,” Steve says firmly.

“Okay, everyone to the training room.” Y/N looks at everyone.

“Why?” Bruce looked worried.

“Don’t worry Bruce you won’t be required for this. But, I will need you to be present for medical help.” She smiles at the shy doctor who smiled back, he had a slight blush on his cheek.

“Medical?” Wanda looked worried.

“Come on, I want to prove you lot wrong.” She laughs as she walks away with Clint and Nat following quickly, they knew all too well what happens when you don’t follow her.

“If you want to survive this I suggest you follow,” Nat called to them.

When they all walked into the room they saw their weapons, even one of Tony training suits was there.

“Here’s how the game works. I will put you into teams and you will try and kill me. We will use paintball guns, but I am going to warn you now the knives will cut you. Pick up your weapons and I will group you.” Her voice rang around the room and her tone left no room for argument. Fury walked into the room smirking.

“Thanks for the call, I do like a good show.” Nick laughed causing Y/N to roll her eyes.

“Working off the aggression from the last mission Zero?” Maria smiled.

“Yeah, but I only have to worry about the knives.” She gave Maria a side hug and the team watched the interaction.

“I’m surprised you aren’t using loaded guns.” Maria raised a brow.

“I want to ease them in. Plus if they behave I may put out the knives that just leave the paint trail, I think Barton and Romanoff will help them learn what happens when I get pissed off.” Y/N and Maria smiled at each other and then looked at the worried team.

“Fury, you can’t really be allowing this. We are going to kill your Agent.” Steve spoke up this time.

“I’d like to see you try. She’s like a cockroach, she never wants to stay dead.” Nick laughs at them.

“Awww, I take after you then?” Y/N smirks at Nick and Maria snorts, quickly covering her mouth.

“So, I guess it’s Bucky, Sam and I?” Steve smirked.

“No, that would be easy. I want you, Stark, Barnes and Rhodes… oh Strange and Maximoff too. Might as well work out a bit!” She looked at the people she called forward and then to Maria and Nick.

“What going into HYDRA bases with some of the most enhanced dangerous people isn’t enough?” Nick raised a brow, the team all looked at her in shock finding out a bit more about her.

“Nick you know me. I work hard to play harder.” She purred at him dropping her guns on a table and changing the magazines for the paintball bullets.

“Suit up team!” Steve speaks up.

“Not my Captain.” Stark growls.

“You are all going to die!” Clint cackled, Y/N turned slowly to Clint raising an eyebrow and tilting her head slightly a smirk forming on her lips.

“Barton when it’s you and Romanoff next I am using live ammunition. You’ve done this enough to live.” Y/N looks him dead on and he gulps in fear, Nat slaps his arms and huffs out in frustration at him.

“Rules?” Tony looks at her.

“There are no rules.” Y/N’s smile is feral like a wild animal ready to have her way with them.

“No killing!” Fury shouted.

“Killjoy!” She shouted over her shoulder with a laugh.

Tags:

@peteyparkersbabyy

[thorne93]

Unforeseen Chasm (Part 28)

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count: 4516

Warnings: Language, fighting,arguing,jealousy,trust issues,torture flashbacks,angst

Song for this part: Time by NF

Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.

Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day had finally come for you to leave the cell. When Shannon had told you she got all the obstacles tackled, you were in awe. How did she convince Fury to let you out? Then again, it seemed everyone did whatever Shannon asked of them.

But she had told you that you being out had to be a secret and to do your best not to be seen by anyone. This was strictly a need to know basis, and so far, only five people knew.

It was early morning when Shannon came down to receive you. She was on the phone with someone, when suddenly Kurt appeared in your cell. It made Loki jump slightly and frown. He probably wasn’t expecting it. You had to make the escape fast so no one would see it on the cameras so you kissed Loki quickly, and Kurt grabbed your hand, and you were suddenly in an SUV with pitch black tinted windows.

“Thanks, Kurt,” you said with a smile as you saw who was driving. “Hi, Steve,” you greeted with a coy smile.

“I will see you at the mansion, ya?” Kurt said, his accent heavy.

“See you there.”

And with that, he was gone.

Shannon was still in the cell room, talking to Loki. “I am not sure when we’ll be back, but if you could do your Loki thing and cast an illusion of Y/N/N while we’re gone…”

“I’m already ahead of you,” he stated with a smile as a carbon copy of you walked out of the bedroom, reading something.

“That’s… incredibly unsettling,” she commented. She shivered and shook her head, then gave him a beaming smile. “But, for our purposes, it’s great. Thank you.”

“Anything I can do to help.”

She grinned, nodded, and left, meeting you in the SUV, sitting in the passenger seat.

“Are we really supposed to trust you?” Steve asked, catching your eyes in the rearview mirror.

“No,” Shannon stated, and you started to feel disappointment run over you before she added, “You’re supposed to trust me.”

This made you smile quietly to yourself in the backseat.

Steve checked the traffic, and then pulled out. In order to alleviate some of the tension in the car, Shannon turned on the radio and the ride upstate was rather… pleasant. You stared out at the city the entire way, taking in people, the way they talked, moved, walked. It was amazing how several months without much human interaction could really make you go stir crazy. You were hungry for all the lights, the noises, the sights… Even watching people walking a dog, or grabbing coffee made you smile.

The ride upstate turned from the city, to the country and it was just as stunning as the city. Asgard was like a golden heaven, it truly was beautiful, but all you had known for nearly the past two years was one desolate, windy rock, and an isolated cell with four rooms.

As soon as you turned into the familiar drive, you were nearly like a kid arriving at Disney World. You could hardly contain the excitement. Once Steve parked the car, you jumped out, making him nervous.

“Woah,” he said, getting out and holding his hand up.

“What?” you asked, confused.

“Just...slow down,” he said, eyeing you.

“Yes, Captain,” you said with a polite smile as you folded your hands behind your back and stepped in front of him, so that he could keep an eye on you as Shannon went up to the door and knocked. Storm let the three of you inside, where you stood in the foyer, trying to remember the last time you’d come here.

In an instant, it seemed like the foyer was filled with X-Men. Kurt had appeared, Jean and Scott came up holding hands, Logan, Jubilee, and Marie were all there. Charles arrived only a second later, where he and Shannon traded a hug and he smiled to you, welcoming you back to the mansion.

“Thank you, Professor,” you said sweetly before glancing to Jean and bounding over to her. “Jean! Scott!” you greeted wrapping them both in a tight embrace.

“And just where is my hello?” A cajun drawl suddenly pulled your attention away.

Your head snapped up to the top of the stairs where Remy stood, a shit eating grin on his face.

“Remy!” you all but squealed, dashing up the stairs to greet him.

Without any warning, Steve launched into his super soldier mode and took off quickly. He hurled over the circular wooden table in the middle of the foyer, knocking over the vase full of flowers, before he bounded up the stairs and grabbed your biceps, pulling them behind you.

“What the--?” you asked calmly, looking to see what had just happened. “Steve? What the hell, man? Let me go. I’m just trying to hug my friend.”

The X-Men shared a look of strong confusion, but Charles simply waved it off.

“Steve, it’s okay, let her go,” Shannon commanded. “She’s known Remy for a long time.”

Remy gave Steve an incredulous look before Steve stepped back one step and let you go. Ignoring your perplexion over the event that just occurred, a warm smile spread on your face and you wrapped your arms around Gambit.

“How have you been?” you asked.

“Uh, Y/N/N, we need to utilize our time here,” Shannon reminded, making you turn around.

“What? Hmm, oh! Right! Point me wherever I need to go,” you said happily.

Charles spoke up. “Jean, Logan, and Remy, go with Y/N. Shannon, my dear, you can come with me and Scott.”

With that, everyone went their separate ways. Charles escorted Shannon to the large training room, while Steve, Logan, Remy, and Jean showed you to another training room underground in the backyard.

----------

When Charles got settled in, he began questioning Shannon.

“So when did this start?”

“I think it was around the time I ran into… what was that kid’s name that had the emotional power? Where he could feel what people felt?” she asked.

“Ah.. Adam, the empath,” he remembered. “And you think that’s what’s wearing on you?”

She shrugged lightly. “It’s the only thing I noticed. When I use any of my powers, I get a little weak. But it’s nothing like what’s compared to when I have an emotional high or low,” she informed.

“Interesting… so the powers themselves aren’t bothering you, but your emotions are wearing on you?”

She bobbed her head side to side.

Just then the infamous Wade Wilson comes skipping in having heard that his favorite none avenger was in the mansion.

“ Spicy Buttercup!” he stops right in front of her and lifts her off the ground in a strong hug. “It’s been way too long since the last time I saw you.” he mock pouts knowing she wouldn’t believe it.

“Too tight….Wade” she gets out feeling light headed from his surprisingly strong grip. “Hah! Wow it has been a while also you never come by I told you, you’re always welcome.” she brushes her hair back and takes a deep breath in.

Steve had moved to stand closer unaware that the man in the mask was a friend of Shannon’s. “If you could not do that, it would be very appreciative.” he said in a stern tone noticing how she was taking a moment to catch her breath. “We’re a little busy at the moment, would you mind letting us get back to it?”

“Well hello to you too star spangled man,” he snorts and bumps his shoulder with her. “What’s up his butt?” he shakes his head and looks to Shannon for an answer. “Did stark finally get you a babysitter!” he laughs at his own joke.

“Hahaha very funny Wade, and no Steve’s just a little protective of me with my powers going haywire lately.” she bumps her shoulder back into his. “And Steve has a point there’s something that we are doing that's a little more important.” She makes it to move near Charles.

“Hey wait a darn damn minute!” he playfully scowls. “How come everyone else gets to hang with you and I don’t?” he cocks his head to the side. “I thought I was the fun friend.”

“Wade.. you are the fun friend.” she giggles at his expressions behind his mask. “How about this you let me do this and we can hang out and watch a movie or something?” she offers hoping it’ll satisfy the man-child

“Alright fine! But the moment they finish I'm stealing you away!” he claims looking at everyone to let them know he was serious. “Your treat by the way I’ll be in the background letting all you guys work.” he gives Shannon a peck on the cheek and moves to give them space.

“Okay doll you get your stuff done i’m gonna go keep an eye on Y/N make sure she’s keeping out of trouble,” he hugs his friend and walks off. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I will Stevie and be nice to her would’ya?” she smiles at the Cap but he was out of earshot. She turns to the professor. “Now where were we?” she motions to the man to continue where he left off.

“Lie back and let me run some tests,” he offered. With that, Hank entered the room and they began talking to her as if she were in a doctor’s office. They hooked up electrodes to her head and placed heart monitors on her.

------------------

“So tell me about these new powers,” Jean coaxed.

“Well… Long story short, I went to Asgard,” you began explaining.

“Mhm, and what happened there?” she urged, looking at her clipboard.

“Well, we found out that the longer I was on Asgard I got the same power Remy does,” you informed, glancing to your friend. “I could take the potential energy of any object, and turn it kinetic, as well as absorb energy that’s thrown at me.”

“And that’s bad?” she inquired, perching an eyebrow.

You shook your head. “No, no, that isn’t what the problem is. That power is a part of me, but… But I got pushed into a bad situation and someone gave me another power, a dark one. This one is just straight energy, but whenever I’ve used it, I’ve felt angry. It’s just so… dark.”

She nodded, frowning, looking at her notes. “Okay, let’s do this. Let’s get your blood going, get you angry, and let’s see what triggers this power.”

You bobbed your head.

“Why don’t you and Remy do some contact training? You did say you had the same power as his, right?”

Again, you nodded.

Luckily, the training room had a few objects you could use -- yoga ball, sports balls, weights, metal rods, vases, glasses, empty cans.

“Are you okay with that, Rem?” you asked, glancing to him.

“Whatever I can do to help, cher,” he said with a lilt and a wink.

The two of you took your positions opposite of each other, getting ready to spar.

“Begin whenever you’d like,” Jean sweetly instructed as she stood off to the side with Logan and Steve.

You picked up an empty can, charged it, and threw it at Remy, who deflected it easily. A grin popped onto both of your faces. This grin suddenly sparked something very competitive in both of you and the training quickly became rapid fire shots and dodges. The two of you were throwing anything you could get your hands on. You started out small, but Remy was building up impressively quick. One second it was empty cans and vases, the next, you were lifting entire gym machines and launching them. On the very last one, Remy had to tuck and roll.

“Y/N, have you used your dark energy, at all yet?’

You turned and faced Jean, frowning. “Uh, no, I guess I haven’t.”

“Go ahead and try that for me,” she suggested.

“Um… I don’t know. On Remy it might be too much,” you said, looking to your friend and shaking your head.

“Don’t worry about me, mon cheri,” he assured, nodding towards you, encouraging you. “We gotta find out what’s eatin’ away at ya, don’t we?”

“I suppose,” you said uneasily. You lifted your hands, ready to fire the dark energy, but when you did… it didn’t reach him. The dark purple, electric looking power barely fizzled out of your hands. “What the hell?” you asked, peering down at your hands.

“Interesting,” was all Jean could say.

“All that talk and no action,” Logan mocked from the back corner. You stared back at him, an unreadable expression on your face.

“Try again,” Jean urged.

You turned back, getting ready to aim the power at Remy. You lifted your hand, felt the charge under your skin, the tingling in your hand, but when you actually pushed it from your body -- it simply fell to the floor.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” you stated, staring down at your hands with worry. What if they thought you were lying about needing help?

“When was it at its peak?” Jean asked.

Her question made you think back to months ago when you were a monster, when you were hurting everyone you loved. You flinched involuntarily, it didn’t go unnoticed by the others.

“When I… when I was trying to take over New York,” you explained, shame entangling in your voice and body language.

“How’s everything going in here?” Shannon suddenly asked, stepping into the bunker style training room.

Seeing her felt like a wave of fresh air and sunshine. You instantly straightened up and smiled.

“We’re trying to get to the bottom of exactly what makes her dark power so powerful,” Jean explained. “She said it had to do with the terrorist attack on New York and her hand in it?” she said, looking a little puzzled as she turned to Shannon.

She looked to you silently asking if she could explain what had exactly happened and how you were involved in all of it. You nodded your approval.

“Well it’s a long story but to summarize her hand was forced into helping another Asgardian open up the portal to letting the creatures in. At the time she brainwashed and was completely unable to do anything but do as told or fear losing not only her life but seeing the lives of her loved ones taken one by one before her,” she said trying to keep it as clean and with little detail possible so as not to shed a bad light on you, she knew how much their opinion of you mattered.

You looked to her and silently thanked her for not telling them of all the horrible things you had done to her and the people that you cared about. You felt as if though they were looking at you in a different light and began shrinking in on yourself and she could see that this topic was beginning to bother you.

“There is one hint I will give you as to what happens to be a part of what triggers her dark energy,” she said looking at Jean.

“Well, what is the hint Shannon?” Jean asked, wanting to figure out quickly how to help you.

“Your hint is a who, rather than a what, that goes by the name Loki,” she went on to say.

“And who might this Loki be?” Gambit asked her, looking to you curiously.

“He’s a man that she is very connected to,” was all that Shannon had said. She really had no place in telling them of who exactly Loki was to you so she kept it at that. She also realized that there was indeed a connection between the dark energy and Loki, Shannon remembered how upset you got when you two had been fighting and she kept bad mouthing him and your powers getting stronger.

—————————

The very first session of testings were out of the way. Shannon had gone off to speak to someone at the mansion and told you she’d see you back at the tower later on. Not being one to waste time, she quickly went to look for her masked friend.

“Wade? Wade Wilson if you don't appear in the next 2 minutes I'm heading home!” she giggled feeling someone’s emotions were playful. She walked closer to where he had been earlier with her. “Hmmm, I guess I’ll have to find someone else to go eat some chimichangas with.” she shrugs her shoulders and makes to leave the room.

“Woah there! Now just wait a minute no one else likes chimichangas as much as I do.” He rushed to stand in front of her. 

“I got you!” She smirked. “Come on dork lets go catch up.”

“Hey no fair.” He mock pouted. “You used my weakness against me.” 

“That's what happens when you have a spy as a friend.” She smiled up at him.

He pulled her close and messed with her hair. “Alright off to go watch a movie what are you in the mood for?”

 The two had walked to the lounge area and spent the rest of the afternoon together. Wade had made a ton of questions about the event of New York, the issues that occured between her and you. She had left feeling a bit  better about what happened, she knew she could always count on Wade to help her.

—————————

Kurt popped you back into the cell and left instantaneously, as to not be seen by Tony or any other prying eyes. Loki dismissed his illusion of you that was currently sitting on the couch with a mug.

“Was she good company?” you asked with a coy grin before sitting next to Loki on the other couch.

“She was... Didn’t talk much, but then again, isn’t that a good thing with girlfriends?” he teased and you shook your head at him. “How was it?”

“It was… good, I suppose. They don’t know what triggers my powers. Well, we might know, but they need to run more tests.”

“So...you’ll have to go back?” Loki inferred.

“Probably. We’re thinking it will be in two days. Shannon can’t exactly keep sneaking out without raising suspicion,” you informed with a shrug. “I just hope it goes a little better than it did today,” you remarked, getting up to go make a drink and make Loki something for dinner since he couldn’t cook for himself.

“Oh? Why? I thought you said it went well?” he questioned, concerned.

“It was,” you answered, “until Steve almost tackled me.”

“The soldier? What on Midgard for? What could you have possibly done?”

You turned to face him. “It’s silly really. I was running to hug my friend Remy and--”

“Your friend?” he questioned, frowning at you, the slightest tone of anger in his voice.

“Well, yes.You remember Remy. I told you about him. We kind of grew up together in the same foster home,” you explained. “He’s a character,” you said with a laugh. “You may like him.”

Loki closed his eyes and held his hands up. “Wait… So while I waste away in this cell, you went and had brunch with friends?” he asked, his voice rising dramatically.

“What? No. It’s not like that. I was exhausting myself physically and mentally trying to figure out why I feel so different. Trying to find a way to feel normal. I thought you were fine with this?” you asked. “You told me to go find answers.”

He shouted, “Yes! Answers! Not off having mimosas with some man you used to know!”

“I wasn’t off ‘having mimosas’,” you mocked in his voice. “I was trying to figure out what the hell that asshole put in my head, in my body!”

“Okay so you just think Shannon was helping you out of the kindness of her heart?” he pressed.

“Yes, I do. What else would she be doing?” you challenged.

“How do we know she wasn't just installing more surveillance when she gave you that tablet?” Loki asked as you worked on making him tomato soup in the small kitchen.

“What? Loki, there are literally cameras in every room except the bathroom. What more could they install?” you asked incredulously.

“I’m merely saying… do you trust her?” he said as he stood close to you like a shadow.

“I guess,” you answered unsure. Sure, she got you out for the day, and she helped you, and respected your privacy about New York and Loki, but both of you had a long way to go before there would be full trust again. She was still on the side of the heroes, and you on the villains afterall.

“Your level of confidence astounds me,” he mocked.

You sighed, frustrated at you laid down the stirring spoon. “I don’t know, Loki. She says she believes us, she came inside the cell--”

“Romanoff, the spy? She fooled me on that helicarrier. Shannon did the same thing to me in this tower. She pretended to be you for gods’ sake, and stabbed me in the back.”

“And I threw Tony out the window,” you reminded with a gleeful, fake smile, sarcasm behind it. “We’re pretty even.”

Loki took a deep breath before he said, “All I am saying is that she doesn't exactly stand on moral high ground. We don’t know her intentions. Coming in here, saying she believes us, all of that could’ve been a ruse. Trust me, I’m a master of trickery.”

“Moral high ground? Have you forgotten what we did?” you asked, turning to him.

“No,” he told you flatly, his eyes cold. “But she stabbed me in the back, Y/N. Not figuratively, like I do, but literally. What if she does the same to you?”

“Stab me or betray me?” you teased.

He gave you a cold look. “Neither is a joking matter,” he chastised.

You rolled your eyes. “Lok, she isn’t going to do that.”

“Oh, you’re right,” he said, putting his hand on his forehead dramatically. “I forgot that humans are so prone to forgiveness.” He gestured to the cell around you, looking at the concrete walls outside the glass cell.

You pursed your lips. “What do you want me to do?” you asked in a huff. “Send her away? You want me to say, ‘Oh, no, Shannon, that’s fine. I only spent the better part of a year trying to get you to come and see me, to forgive me. But now that you believe me, you can go’.” You crossed your arms and stared at him.

“No, I just… I want you to be cautious. I don’t want you getting hurt by her. I can't bear to watch it,” he stated.

“You know, not everyone is a fucking snake, looking how to double cross someone. That’s pretty much your department,” you snapped, shoving napkins in his chest as you started to walk to the bedroom. “Your soup is done.”

Loki stood, hurt evident on his face, sighing in frustration before he turned around. “The last I checked, that was hers. She was raised to lie, to gather information on the enemy. Or am I wrong?”

You froze.

“Look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong. That her background doesn’t lay solely in lies, betrayal, pretending…” He demanded. “I may be a snake. I may do what’s best for me, but at least all my friends and foes know that. I don’t pretend to hide behind some innocent facade,” he hissed.

You turned and slowly advanced on him, your eyes dark. “I thought you were happy for me? I thought you were happy for us? She’s on our side! Tony couldn’t care less if we rot down here. She might be our only chance at ever getting our freedom! She got me out today. She is trying to get me help! And even if she wasn’t, even if we never got our freedom, that’s okay, because we don’t deserve it. I’m lucky she even wants to look at me after what I did...Just her talking to me is just as good as freedom. Why can’t you see that?”

In low tone, he looked down at you and said, “Because I can never see the good in people. If you always expect people to betray you, you’ll never be disappointed.”

You flinched away from him. “Is that what you think about me? That one day I’ll betray you? That one day I’ll somehow leave your side?”

His wild blue eyes met yours for a long moment before looking away.

Tears sprang to your eyes. “Wow. How fantastic. Does nothing I did prove my love to you? I lost my freedom for you. I stabbed my best friend for you. I threw Iron Man out a fucking window for you. I jumped into a portal for you. I endured brainwashing and hellish conditions for you. And you still think that I could just turn on you?”

“You wouldn’t be the first,” he remarked with hatred. “If history has taught me anything, it’s that I will always end up standing on my own. Remind me again who got to leave this cell today and who didn’t.”

You pulled away from him even farther. In a whisper, you asked, “How could you even say that to me? I have been by your side through everything when no one else was. I never once said, ‘This is all Loki’s fault. I plea insanity, let me go.’”

“Ah, so there it is. You do think it’s all my fault.”

“That’s not what I said,” you argued through clenched teeth.

“It’s just a matter of time before you cast me aside like all the others. You’re already leaving without me, maybe one day you just won’t return.” A cold smile fell on his lips as he cocked his head to the side.

“Maybe this is why!” you cried. “Did you ever think of that? Maybe it’s because you expect the worst from people and eventually they’re tired of trying to show you that you’re wrong, so they just betray you anyway. It’s easier just to prove you’re right, rather than to constantly fight to prove you wrong!”

“Then it’s best I do it first, before they do it to me,” he said, his eyes narrowing as his voice got low.

You held up your finger, warning him, “Shannon is a good person. So long as she doesn’t hurt you or me, we will go on trusting her and believing her. Do you hear me?”

“Loud and clear darling,” he cooed darkly.

“Just… eat your soup,” you said finally before turning and going into the living room to read. You sat with your back to him, hoping he wouldn’t hear you crying. Of all the people you could fight with, you really didn’t want it to be the one man you were literally stuck with for the rest of your life.

Was this your life now? Constantly choosing between Loki and other people? Choosing Loki or freedom? Choosing Loki or a normal life?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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UC:

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[littlemissmarvelous]

Save Me

(This is part 2 to grand piano)

The beginning of Bucky and I was quick, passionate, and wild. People thought I was crazy for falling in love with the former winter soldier, and even more insane to be willing to marry him. Sam in particular always joked about how Bucky shouldn’t take that he has a dime like me for granted. I remember when he would laugh and his cheeks would get warm and red before he would kiss me softly. “I don’t think i could ever be stupid enough to lose the love of my life.”

Oh I wish his past self could see him now.

I thought i knew what heartbreak was. I thought it hurt, but that everyone exaggerated about it. That it would mend quickly…I couldn’t have been more wrong. You could see it from a distance; I was broken. It could be seen in the way I moved, the way I tried to get an impression from the overwhelming world around me. It could be noticed in the way I talked a bit softer every time somebody told me to speak up. I was broken, scattered in thousands of pieces, and nobody was there to pick me up again.

It’s been three days since and I haven’t left the solace of my bed. I know I need a shower, and a decent meal but my body is aching and my eyes haven’t really taken a break from crying. A loud knock sounds, making me groan at the fact that I indeed have to get out of bed. Trudging to the door, I peek through the peep hole to spot a very anxious looking redhead on my doorstep.

“Hey Nat.” I say after opening the door.

“Hey? Just hey after having not heard from you in days? Me and Steve have been really worried y/n, but we wanted to give you space.” I nod and quickly apologize. I didn’t intentiontially shut them out...it just works better for me to be on my own at the beginning. Her green eyes scanned my appearance and the state of my home before going to my face.

“Are you doing okay, y/n?”

The dam breaks.

I sob and whisper, “I can’t stop hurting, Nat. This hurts so much. I miss him but I don’t want to be near him. I love him but I also fucking hate him and I don’t know if I want him to hold me or stay the hell away from me because half the time my skin crawls now at the thought of his touch...knowing he placed those hands on someone else. He was giving his heart to someone else while I was stupid enough to believe I was the only one.” At the end of my spiel I was gasping for breath. Word vomit has a funny way of knocking the wind out of you sometimes. She frowns, eyes still trained on me. “I’m going to make you some tea okay? Go shower and maybe we can go somewhere, yeah?” I wipe my tears before replying, “yeah okay.” Turns out that shower was a godsend and much needed.

Nat ended up taking me to brunch that was filled with delicious mimosas. “You know what?” I ask.

“What?” She smiles.

“I want to go out tonight. Out out.”

Nat thinks for a moment before shrugging. “Yeah let’s do it. Get you back in the game, I’m sure Wanda and Sharon would be down to go too.” I grin before yelling, “Girls night!!!” And just like that the wound hurt a little bit less.

Later that night the four of us stood in Nat’s bedroom dressed to impress. She had placed me in a small red dress that had a high slit on the left and a deep v to emphasize my cleavage. With makeup done and heels on, we traveled to the kitchen for some pregame drinks while we ordered the Uber.

“You look absolutely smashing, y/n.” Sharon gushed to me, making me blush. Nat and Wanda quickly agreed with fast nods.

“She’s right y/n, you look like a frigging snack every man there will want to eat.” Wanda teased but winced after earning an elbow from Nat and Sharon.

My grip tightened around my glass, knuckles turning white. Other men. That was scary for me, the concept of other men. Bucky and I had just separated...I was nowhere near ready. A hand on my shoulder brought me out of my head and my eyes met Nat’s green ones.

“Hey, you don’t need to do anything you don’t want to. Just have fun okay. That’s what tonight’s about.” I smile gratefully at her and our moment was interrupted by the ding of Wanda’s phone.

“Uber’s here!”

5 shots.

3 mixed drinks.

And 3 Jell-O shots.

That’s how many I had when my legs decided to stop working and my vision was beginning to get fuzzy as I neared a blackout. Dragging myself to our table I fumbled for my phone and dialed the only number I could call.

“Hello?”

“STTTTTEEEVVVEEE!”

“Y/n? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He asked with a concerned tone.

“Mmmphh. I am VERYyyy drunks Mr. Steve ! Wanna shleep.” A giggle erupts from me and suddenly it was hard to stop.

“I’m coming right now. Stay there. Tell Nat I’m coming. “

“Ayyye ayeee my cap!!” I laugh and hang up and look up to find Nat in my drunk daze. Luckily she was already coming my way and I yelled “Natty!!!! Stevie is comin to take me to bed! Okay!”

“Get it girl!” She laughed and with that I made my way to the entrance, holding the walls for support to keep myself up. Once just outside I found a spot against the wall and slipped my heels off my aching feet without falling over. Hugging myself, I pray that Steve hurries up because it was absolutely freezing.

“I can warm you up hottie.” My eyes quickly went up to see an ugly older man grinning at me with chipped teeth and a malicious look in his eyes.

“No thanks.” I quip and look away to the streets looking for Steve’s car.

“Looks like you’re ride ain’t gonna be here for a while hot stuff. I’m real good with my hands. Lemme just warm you up.” He smirked and pounced. His hands grabbed my wrists and pushed me against the wall hard causing me to yelp.

“Get OFF!” I scream. He just laughs in return and his hands go to my dress to lift it up. Tears flow freely from my eyes as I realize what’s really happening and my movements are too slow and my hits too weak because I’m drunk. I’m sobbing at this point and begging him to stop.

It was my second beg and just before he got to my panties that a fist flew to his face and he dropped to the floor in pain. “She SAID to stop!” He seethed.

Steve came just in time. As I stared at him, tears in my eyes, I realized he always was there in time. His eyes went to me and his hand cupped my face as he looked me over.

“Are you okay, y/n?” I nod and all I can let out is another sob. He pulls me in for a hug and holds me tight. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here quicker. Let’s get you home.”

The drive home was silent but he held my hand in comfort, and I didn’t pull away. When the car finally stopped at the tower Steve quickly turned off the car and ran around to open my door and help me out of the car, wobbly legs and all. Holding me heels in my left hand we slowly walk towards the entrance but before I could get there my legs finally betrayed me and I fell hard to the ground.

I groan. “Aw damn that hurt.” Trying to get back up seemed almost impossible, the alcohol had managed to turn me into a human sized noodle. “Stevieeeee can you help a girl out?” He laughed and I let out a shriek as he picked me up bridal style and walked with ease into the tower. My arms wrapped around his neck and my head found its way to the crook of his neck. “You’re such a sweetie Stevie why don’t you have a girl?” His shoulders shrugged and he hummed in thought.

“I dont think the one I want is ready yet. Or rather if it’s even right for me to act. It’s difficult.” His words made gears work in my drunk mind as the elevator took us up to our floor. Finally reaching my room, he sets me down at the door. “Alright this is it.”

“Steve?” My cheeks are flushed and my eyes are wide as I gaze up at him.

“Yeah y/n?” His eyes lock with mine and my heart begins to race.

“Is...is the girl you’re talking about...me?” My voice shakes in nervousness and my shoulders tense as I await his response. His hand goes to the back of his neck and his cheeks are suddenly pink. Lord he was so cute sometimes.

“Uh...yeah, yeah it is. I’m sorry.” I didn’t think, I didn’t speak, I didn’t even debate it.

My lips were on his before I could even really fathom his words, his hands finding my hips as his mouth moved with mine. After a long moment he slowly pulled away and looked me over.

“Look, y/n, you’re still pretty drunk. I don’t want you doing anything you’ll regret. You might not actually like me once the alcohol leaves your system.” His blue eyes are drowning in disappointment, a pang of hurt hitting my heart. “Look, get some sleep, I’ll see you in the morning and we can talk.” His words suddenly sobered me up enough that i had to do what i did next. He begins to walk away but I grab his hand before he could get farther away and halt his movements. I take a deep breath and whisper, “please don’t go.” His eyesbrows go up in question.

“I...would like you to stay. With me. In my bed.” I mumble. I had never seen Steve’s face so red before that very moment since he walked In on Sam and Wanda’s “workout” session. “I-I meant to just sleep. I would really appreciate your company. Clothing on and everything. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.”

He smiles warmly and takes my hand in his, intertwining our fingers. “I don’t mind at all, sweetheart. Lead the way.”

Changed and makeup free, I got under the covers and waited for him to join me. He stared at the covers unsure, causing me to giggle.

“Steve, get under the covers silly. It’s fine.” He chuckles and lifts the covers on his side so he could slide in next to me. Both of us lied on our backs after turning out the bedside lights, staring at the sleek ceiling above us. “Hey Steve?” I whisper.

“Yeah?” He whispers back.

“Can you hold me?” I ask timidly, not wanting him to think of it weird.

“Yeah,” He opens his arm for me to cuddle to his side, “Come here.” I sigh gratefully and cuddle up to his side as his arms wrap around him. My eyelids and body are growing heavy as the tiredness part of alcohol consumption started to hit me.

“Just to let you know Steve, everything that was said and done tonight...I wont forget or regret it. I like you too. I always have, Bucky just got here first.”

But thank you for saving me, I wanted to say.

Not even a few seconds later I was out like a light. Tomorrow morning was going to be interesting.