#again i aint the greatest with these thing

[ethel-stuff]

ATTENTION DCA ARTISTS!!!

The DCA reposter has returned with the account, Wheeze 2.0 (fockyu_) on pinterest, im not the greatest when it comes to stuff like this but all i can say is to report them!!!

[neonovember]

Hello, uhm, so this MAY be an uncomfortable thing to request I’m not too sure. It’s totally totally okay if it is absolutely feel free to ignore this, but the way you write Carmen is so so comforting. I have this neighbor that lives downstairs from me, I’ve lived in my apartment for two years but the past 4 months with this guy has been hell. I live in the U.K. and the people that own the building and the police don’t view my situation as anything dangerous or serious, despite the fact I have made numerous complaints and even the other neighbors in my building have complained about him. But he targets me the most and bangs on my door at ungodly hours and threatens the most horrible stuff because I’m a woman living alone. I’m honestly terrified but unless he physically does something there’s nothing I can do. I’m sorry for the sob story but usually I always try and just picture Carmy as something comforting to help through this until I can be safe, would it be okay to request something like Carmen finding out about his gf losing sleep and constantly being terrified and deciding to take matters into his own hands, and demanding she moves in with him and helps pack her stuff because he will NOT stand for that shit (again totally 100% okay if you don’t feel comfortable responding)

oh my god anon, I'm so deeply sorry that you have to deal with such a shitty situation, and the fact that you have to wait to be physically attacked before the police can do anything? Fuck the justice system and fuck law enforcement. Don't every feel scared to send a request to make your day or week or fucking month better, it's why I'm here, and the fact that my writing can make you feel even a little better is the greatest gift i could ever ask for. God I just hope you're able to remain safe, call a friend or family to keep them posted in case anything happens, I'm so very sorry honey :(

Broken bones and soup

carmen berzatto x reader

warnings: misogyny, violence, feral!carmen makes an appearence, angst, horrible neighbours, angst, teeth rotting fluff, carmy feeding you

w/c: 5.3k

a/n: this was hard to write, i really wanted to do it right by you anon, and when have i ever written carmen without him breaking someones face?

The falling sun encapsulated the cerulean sky, exploding against the horizon in heated shades of orange, crimson and pink. The trail back to your apartment complex wasn’t long, but it gave enough time to bask in the warmth of evenings bathed in sunlight. It also conveniently enabled you to tell yourself you had gotten your sun for the day, rather than having to swallow pills you hated to swallow.

It was muscle memory however, your legs moved with the familiar comfort of the sidewalk, forgetting the stomach turning realisation of what had awaited you back at your apartment. 

It had been a couple months, four maybe 5, you didn’t really want to count the days having a violent neighbour moved in directly down your apartment. The other tenants who you've grown to know collectively bristled with the annoyance of a 30 something year old filling the usual peaceful nights with crashes and yells of broken plates and incoherent obscenities. 

When you had raised the issue to the landlord and even to the police, you had been shut down with a shrug of the shoulders. 

‘We can notice him with a noise complaint, but if he aint hurting anyone we can’t do much’. 

That had made you laugh a little then, before you had been close to bawling your eyes out and ripping out your hair. Sure he was loud, your neighbours from the other side of the apartment complex could attest to that, but it was so much more than loud fucking music, and somehow, you had bared the brunt of his violence. It was targeted, you knew it, and your legs began to shuffle at the thought of coming home to another violent outbursts at your door. 

You hadn't gotten any proper sleep for the past 4 months, waking up to loud banging at your door, and declarations of brutality he whispered through your keyhole. It was all empty threats, those men in clad uniform had told you when you woke up shaking with fear as he screamed taunts of murder from below, you had run out in your pyjamas and bunny slippers and they had told you they couldn't help you. 

There were not empty threats, and this wasn’t the hundreds of true crime shows you had binged, you felt it in your bones, you were a woman living with yourself for god sake, he was going to break down your door one day and hurt you, and you couldn't do anything about it. You felt paralysed by the helplessness of it, forcing yourself to stay up past 12, the burn of your tired eyes forced open by the blue light of your phone, in case he tried breaking in. You had begun to keep a bat near your bed, a knife in the drawer of your bedside, and you felt fucking insane. Noone had made a major problem out of it, and yet you felt like he was one bad day from a murderous rampage.

Carmen could tell something had been wearing on your shoulders, the way your eyes blinked slowly, and the syrup slow movements of your limbs when you had visited the Beef not long ago. You couldn't bear to tell him, your past relationships had taught you enough not to unload all your problems onto another person, but it had gotten bad. You had started getting notices of concern from your boss, asking if you were alright, telling you how your performance had been declining.

You had quickly shut down any looks of concern thrown at you, this was something you had to deal with yourself, you didn’t want anyone, especially another woman to be faced with the brunt of his violence. You guzzled caffeine and energy drinks like it was water, and your limbs jittered with the rush of adrenaline until the peak had dropped and you felt like your stomach was ripping itself apart.

You braced yourself as you turned the corner into your apartment complex, keeping your head down, and going through the carpack to avoid the hallway that was right next to his door. You felt your stomach drop, your keys pressed between your knuckles and you flickered your eyes up to the door of his apartment. You watched it like a hawk, ready to flee at any sign of opening, and when you had finally made it to the elevator, you breathed a sigh of relief like no other. The air suddenly fills your lungs once again.

Your phone buzzed in your jean pocket, and you reached out to grab it, the screen illuminated by Carmen’s text. You felt a tingle of glee shoot through you, biting back a smile at the thought of seeing him today.

“You still coming today for the family dinner?”

The beef had begun a sort of tradition, every last Friday of the month, they would close early and hold a sort of family dinner right out back near the tables and chairs. Everyone of the crew’s family and friends were invited to join, some bringing a plate or a drink or two. It was the highlight of the month, and you hadn't missed a Friday ever since Carmen and you had become something more than close friends.

You typed out a quick reply with a tongue in your cheek, as the elevator doors opened, you didn't look up right away, walking with your head down as you tucked your phone back into your pocket. It was a fault on your end, you should have looked up, at least then you could have braced yourself as your neighbour stood stationed near your door with a cheshire smile stretching ominously across his face. 

You wondered if you could run back into the elevator, but the doors had closed well before and you feared turning your back to him was an even worse fate. You walked towards him, plastering on a smile that didn't look even a little believable.

“Something I can do for you?” You ask, your voice heightened by a mix of fear and false confidence

“Hear you've been complaining about me” The man replies with a smile, his hair slicked back, the shadow of a badly shaven skin spiking up. His shirt reeks of sweat and stains of spilt takeaway and you have to take a tentative step back to escape the stench radiating off of him.

“Yeah, you might not realise it, but you have been a bit- uh loud, and the loud banging on my walls?” You prouch him, and his eyebrows rise in surprise, shaking his head with a laugh that horrified you.

“Am I scaring you?” The man replies 

You swallow as your eyes flicker to his burnt hazel ones, they stare down from above, almost mocking in the way they forced you to answer.

“Uh, uhm- well, a lot of us got work in the morning, and I can’t wake up if you're making a lot of noise during the night”

“Oh, is that right?” The man asks, scratching a hand across his jaw

“Well no one's been the one complaining but you” The man replies

“I don't think so many of us-”

“You saying I’m a liar??” The man suddenly shouts, and you can help yourself stepping back a distance quickly

The man watches the way you distance yourself away from him, his eyes flicker to the keys poking out from between your fingers and he bites back a laugh.

“So you are scared of me, liar.” The man spits out with venom, before stepping towards you, caging you to the wall as he whispers near your ear

“You think fucking keys are going to stop me? A little lady like you living here all by yourself?” The man digs his fingers into your sides, until you howl out and retch yourself away from him, you reach for your right side, holding the skin above your rib cage that had begun to swell and bruise.

“See how easy that was? A fucking pretzel in my hand” The man calls out with a smile, before walking back around the hallway corner with such ease and comfort that told you he knew the police wouldnt do shit.

Your hand shakes as you shove your key into your door, you have to hold your own hand to put it in, before shouldering your way through your door with wince, and dropping your bag and belongings to the floor.

You rush into your bathroom, undressing before your eyes flicker to your mirror, seeing the red rash of irritation and the start of a purple imprint of his claws shoved into the skin below your ribcage. You wince as you try to soothe it, the salty tears breaking down your waterline, you can't stop, the wretched sobs of your helplessness echoing off the bathroom walls.

You climb into the shower, sliding down to the bottom as the tears shake through you, you hug your knees to your chest, letting the warm water combine with your salty tears, so they become one, and you know longer now how terrified you are. You stay in the shower like this for a bit, letting the warmth and steam wiggle your body from its stone encapsulation.

You can hear the familiar jingle of your phone ringing from where you had haphazardly left it, and the memory of today's dinner comes rushing in. You had nearly forgotten, and whilst you were terrified to leave your home and go back into the hallway where it had happened, you couldn't let Carmen down.

So you had gotten up, in the same way you had fallen down, and tried to scrub away the smell of his day-old cigarettes and sweat until your skin burned, poking your head through a clean shirt and a skirt that hid the painful purple splotch that had begun to spread across your side.

Entering your quaint kitchen, you can’t stop your arm as it reaches for the brown liquid stored in that old glass bottle Sugar had told you was a century old. You didn't have a little liquid courage to make it past your goddamn threshold.

You downed it in a gulp, reaching for your bag and a pocket knife, just in case. The reality of that decision broke you a little, when did you start needing to armour yourself?

Your phone buzzed from its position edged between the living room couch, it was Carmen, again, telling you he was outside. Carmen had begun to ceremoniously show up to your apartment as the autumn had begun to bleed into the winter nights, and the sunlight had stretched until darkness hit by 5 in the afternoon. Any other time you would have chastised him till the point where he would stop, but now, with the reality of your neighbour, you felt a relief wash through your body at the thought of being close to him. You also don’t doubt he would have shown up anyway, ignoring your requests in the way he does when he thinks it's his responsibility.

You wouldnt say you had a lot of experience in relationships under your belt, but something spoke to you from within, carmen was something special, this was special, sacred in the way destiny was, and you shooke with the relentless fear of fucking it up. And scaring him away with your problems seemed to be on the very top of that list

You shake the thought from your head as you shut the door quietly, take a brisk pace as you walk but kind of run to the elevator. A neighbour you knew well stood near the doors, his dark auburn hair falling in front of his eyes, he nodded to you with a silent smile. He kept to himself most of the time, and you didn't know much about him, just that he always was tugging a sleeve down his left arm, but he always went out of his way to give you some sort of greeting.

The air between you was silent, as you were waiting for the ping of the elevator to drop to your door, and you heard a shuffling near you, your eyes watching the way he coughed and stared at you from the corner of your peripheral vision.

“Heard something out in the hallway, it wasn’t him again was it?” The man replied, concerned about lacing his features as his eyes seemed to be fixated on the way you leaned on one side of your body a little.

“Uh no, it’s- it’s alright, I guess it was my dues you know? Dealing with a shitty neighbour at least once” You reply with a tight smile, trying to poke fun at the very depressing thought.

The man nodded with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, your neighbours had known that he was loud, knew that you had dealt the worst of it being right above him, but they were clueless to his taunts and threats that he said into your door at night. You think the man next to you had an idea though, the way his eyes scanned anything like he was always assessing, always calculating the world around him. 

It was also because your neighbour was nowhere to be found whenever he was around, you whispered a prayer of thanks that he was taking the elevator down with you, with his sweatpants and top, it was like he knew, a silent nod of protection.

Before you could open your mouth to whisper a thanks, the doors of the elevator had opened, a tired mom and her two energetic kids passed between you both. It was funny, you could see yourself in her, the drag of dark circles and the hunch of her shoulders mirroring your own. 

You knew the very shakily painted on makeup did little to hide the exhaustion on your face and you rushed to enter the elevator to escape the thought. The motion of the elevator moving down nauseated you a little, churning your stomach in the way it always did with motion, but your apartment wasn’t big and soon enough the music of the elevator turned to a halt as the doors opened up to the ground floor.

You could see the headlights of Carmen's car through the automatic doors of your complex, and you gave your neighbour a smile before rushing to jump into the comfort of Carmen and his very, very warm car.

-- -

The car ride to the beef has been silent, just the syrupy beat of jazz from the car speakers and the burn of Carmen’s gaze searing a hole through you, you feared if you caught his eyes and the look in them the entire interaction today would tumble from your tongue.

You couldn’t ruin today, it was tradition, you had just begun to become folded into it. The joy of Tina calling your name for a hug, the talks about the new pastry ideas with Marcus, Sydney’s laughter, it soothes you like a balm, and you were sure the nausea crawling through your stomach would dissipate the second you entered.

But it didn’t, the beautiful lantern lights from outside the Beef glittered against the Chicago moonlight and the smell of Italian meatballs engulfed your senses and you still felt like you were being ripped apart from the inside.

You had said your hellos to everyone, biting back a yelp as Tina’s hand pressed against the bruise on your side, and nodding to Richie’s rambles whilst you felt outside of your own skin.

Your mind kept replaying the scene of him lunging st you, bristling your skin till goosebumps spread through, until your mind was exhausted from fear and well, fucking exhaustion and Carmen had to call your name too many times to rip you from your thoughts.

“Hey, you alright?” Carmen asks with that soft honey tone he keeps for you.

You nod with a smile, and Carmen’s eyes shift towards your plate untouched. It was your favourite, a twist on Osso Buco and yet it laid un moving, Carmen knew it, you did too, and you held back tears as Carmen simply nodded, not sure if he was overstepping his boundaries.

It was the first lick of the start of something, the both of you, the bloom of a companionship Carmen felt was destined, like it was seared into the sand years before you both had even come into existence. And Carmen was new to this, and that opened up a whole can of worms, he didn’t want to fuck it up, he didn’t want to think about fucking it up, but god did he always seem to fuck it up.

You reached across the table to grab the jar of water, your shirt riding up without you noticing. Tina’s eyes widen at the peek of a purple imprint from under your shirt and she has nearly drops her fucking fork

“Baby? What happened to your side?” Tina replies with concern, her voice is quiet but the tables loud boisterous conversations begin to slow down.

You tug your shirt down, and you burn with guilt like you had been caught with this big secret. Carmen immediately looks towards your side, his eyes scanning the way you since a little as your finger brushes against it.

“Nothing, uh um I fell” You don't even believe yourself

“That looks more than something you get tripping over your feet darling, did something happen?”

“What? What’s she saying honey? What did you see Tina?” Tina’s gaze flutters to Carmen, and there’s a pause like she’s assessing whether it was Carmen’s doing before the reality of who he is hits her. It was ingrained in every woman, and Carmen wouldn’t be an exception. Even for a second.

“Looks like someone’s goddam fist imprinted into her skin” 

The restaurant is completely quiet now, and your head falls to your uneaten plate of veal, they look towards you in concern hearing the end of Tina’s words.

Carmen lifts your shirt, and you don’t stop him, the reality of your attack is shown right there in front of him, the imprint of a large hand bruising purple and blue.

Carmen’s eyes burn into the skin, his fists shaking as he remains silent, the rest of the family look on in horror, whispers of “holy fuck?” and eyes seeing the way Carmen practically vibrates, like he’s a second away from exploding.

“..Who did this?”

“It was my fault- I”

“Who did this baby? Who hurt you?” Carmen replies with an exhaled murmur.

“I’m, uh, Uhm- he- oh Carmen” You can’t get the words out, they’re stuck in your throat and you can’t get them out. You feel trapped, your body is sweating like you’re caged, like you're wading through a current and you're losing yourself to the weight of it, your breakdown on display for the whole world to see.

You blink back tears as Carmen tilts your chin to face him, and the look on his face, the look of distraught and fear that blossoms across his features un tetheres the tightly wrapped self control you had formed.

And Carmen scoops you up into his arms so that the entire family doesn’t have to see you break into his shoulder.

His soothing words are like a balm to your distress and he walks you, bridal style to the first aid cabinet, sitting you down on the counter, wiping away your tears as his fingers shake and his throat bobs with a tight swallow. He hastily tugs your shirt, kissing back the howls of pain as he whispers “I know, I know baby girl, I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry.”

His soft fingers press gently against the bruise as he rubs a heating ointment across it, he wraps a warm compress around it as bandage and his eyes are avoiding your own as he focuses his fingers on your skin.

“Carmen?” You whisper, the hiccups of tears resounding from your throat, Carmen reaches for a painkiller, placing it in your palm with a whisper of affirmation, he gently tips your head back as he pours water into your mouth, and you swallow it quickly, before looking back at him.

“Carmen? Please” You reply, had you done it, had you ruined everything?

“I can’t look at you because I fear I might break, and- and I can’t right now okay darling? I have to find, I have to find who did this, and I need to make it right, hm? I need to make sure your safe because god my heart is outside of my chest and I can’t feel anything but fear” Carmen replies with a tight low voice, his fists shake as he pressed them into the counter beside your thighs, but he looks up to meet your gaze anyway, and he smiles tightly as the tears stream down.

“Oh Carmen, this isn't on you, you couldn't have possibly known” You reply, wiping a hand across his cheeks.

“How can you say that? I am your, I am meant to protect you, and you, you come limping in without me noticing, fucking Tina saw it before I could, and i hate myself for it” Carmen replies, his cerulean blues shining bright against the shine of tears.

“Who did this, someone at work? A guy on the street?” Carmen replies and you flick away from his gaze, hand falling to your lap as your tongue burns with the desire to just say it all.

“You've got to tell me baby girl, you have to know I've got to make it right, I won’t sleep till I do. '' Carmen replies with a pained cry, like his heart is breaking from the thought of letting this go un avenged. And it's the tortured look on his face, it's the shake of his limbs like he wants to destroy and burn the entire world around him till he finds whoever has done this that uncurls your tongue and lets everything out in the open.

“What? This has been going on for months? Why didn’t you tell me?” Carmen replies, his thumb rubbing soft circles across your thigh.

“Didn’t want to scare you away Carmen, i love-i I like you a lot, more than I have anyone and I didn't want to fuck it up and unload all my problems onto you like a dumpster” You reply, and it sounds stupid when you say it out loud, and when Carmen looks up at you in disbelieved confusion.

“Huh? Oh sweet girl, I’m meant to help you bear it all, that’s why I'm here, and the idea of you thinking I'll love you any less, that I won't help you because of something like this haunts me. I’m meant to protect you yeah? That’s my fucking job, and I’ve failed it” Carmen replies with a grunt.

“No one has said anything like that to me” You say, eyes looking up to him, you weren't shocked, but you weren't, were not shocked, never had you experienced this, this burning adoration for another person, this soft warmth that burst through you at the sound of Carmen's voice promising his devotion, promising his unyielding protection. It armoured you more than a pocket knife ever could.

Carmen presses a soft kiss to your head, before shuffling around the kitchen, walking back into the dining tables, hushing out replies of ‘she's okay’ before coming back in with your things under his arm.

“What are you doing?” You reply in question, as he slowly picks you up with an arm, and gently places you back down. His eyes are constantly flickering to your side, like he’s torturing himself with the image of the first time he saw the horrific bruise across your side.

He had never felt true fear until then, the shatter of his heart beneath his breast as he realises you had gotten hurt and he didn't even fucking realise. Nothing had mattered but your safety and he scared himself with how much his body shook with a desire to destroy the person responsible.

“I’m driving back to your apartment, where you're going to grab your necessities, whilst I pay a visit to your little neighbour downstairs. You’re staying with me, for however long,” Carmen replies with a sneer, walking you through the back door, which you were all too thankful for, you couldn't bear to see the look on the crew’s faces if you had to walk back in.

“Carmen you can’t” You reply rushed, as Carmen slid you into the passenger seat, before clicking on your seat belt for you. He cocks his head, before raising his eyebrows

“Oh, I can’t? Honey, the police don’t do their job and my baby get’s fucking hurt. Nah, that doesn't work for me” Carmen replies, before rushing to enter the driver's seat, shifting the gear into drive before speeding down the city streets. 

His focused on the road, his face unblinking and he grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white, you can’t stop looking at him, his gorgeous under the moonlight of the skies, his cheeks crimson from his tears, his cerulean blues calling to you like the sea, and the curl of his blonde hair falling like waves.

The view of your apartment complex comes into your vision as Carmen turns into the carpark in one swift move, you can’t stop the shake of your fingers and Carmen wants to slam his first into the steering wheel when he notices.

“You alright?” Carmen replies “You can stay here, I’ll grab whatever you need”

You want to stay, want to remain in the safety of his sleek tinted windows, but you want to face it too, and somehow that need is more important, he doesn’t get to win, no fucking way.

You unclip your seat belt, opening the door as you turn to him “You going to show me how you protect me or what?”

Carmen bites back a smile, god he was so fucking proud. He could tell you were scared shit less, and yet you fought through that fear, and god you mesmerised him. You were stronger than he could ever be, and he wanted to take that burden from you, carry it himself so you didn't have to.

Carmen jogs to the back of the car, reaching into the boot before the clunk of wood on gravel meets your ears. Carmen nods towards you, as he grips a bat under his arm

“He puts a bruise on you and i break all his fucking bones” Carmen replies, and you can’t stop the joy that image brings you

Carmen walks you to your apartment, waiting outside like a hawk, his bat tight against his grip as he watches the hallways, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, you feel infinitly and utterly safe.

You throw your toiletries into a bag, grabbing a few nights of clothes and your work shoes. You eyes flicker around your apartment, it had been home to you for the past 4 years, and yet it felt so foreign to you now, you had grown to attest this place, this place you had filled with so much of yourself, and you hate him so much at that moment, for making you feel this way about a place you had once loved.

You leave your apartment with the door shut closed.

Carmen carries your bag and places them back into the back seat of the car, and as he begins to walk towards the apartment of your neighbour you reach a hand out to stop him.

“Honey, I’ve got to-” Carmen begins before you shut him quickly

“I want to watch” You reply quietly, and Carmen’s eyes flicker, before lacing his fingers into yours, as you both knock on his door.

There's a grumble before the clank of a chain slides open, and his face appears as the door opens to him, you can see the illuminated light of his TV glaring, the floor covered with pizza boxes and beer cans. You see in real time, how his face morphs from anger into fear, his eyes dropping as he sees the way Carmen practically shakes, and the man isn’t able to let out a word, a protest or wail of a plea before the crack of Carmen's wooden bat swings through the air.

-- -

“Are you sure he isn't dead?” You reply, as you dip a washcloth into warm water, wiping away the blood across Carmen’s neck

“He isn’t going to die if I wasn’t the one causing it, besides, if he does, that’s God finishing off the rest of it”. Carmen replies, raising his face so that you cleaned the last of the streaks of blood splattered across his jaw.

Carmen reaches for your hands, pressing a kiss to the top of them as he looks at you in that way like he yearns for you to be closer. 

“You need sleep, but first you need to eat, yeah?” Carmen replies, shushing your protests and he carries you to his room in his arms, after he notices the exhaustion in your limbs. It’s dark, illuminated only by the wall to ceiling windows that look into the busy city streets and light up sky scrapers. 

The sheets are strewn across the bed, haphazard like Carmen had rushed to get them off of him in the early mornings. Carmen slides you into them, tucking you within the soft pillowy blanket, sitting on the edge as he caresses your cheek softly.

He leaves for a moment, rushing to make you something to eat, his skin crawling with a need to feel you against him, nearly tripping over himself as he walks back into his room with a bowl of soup and a bottle of water.

Carmen sits next to you again, pressing spoonfuls of soup into your mouth and wiping the edges ceremoniously as you rest against the headboard half asleep. 

You don’t notice the way he looks at you, like he's trying to memorise every dip and curve of your face, his fingers clutching the spoon tight like he’s going to break if he doesn't hold you against him.

“Honey?” Carmen replies hushed

“Hmh?” You reply, your eyes heavy as the comfort of Carmen's warmth spreads through you.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again, you tell me everything okay? Everything” Carmen replies pained, like the events that transpired somehow still were not resolved, like breaking the man's legs wasn't enough for him.

“Okay” You reply, and Carmen places the dishes onto the bedside table, leaving it to the morning because he can't keep you away from him any longer.

Carmen joins you in the bed, the left side of his bed finally taken by somebody for the first time in a long time. Tugging you against him, Carmen curls your body to lay against his chest, his fingers softly gracing your back, soft circles that had begun to lull you to a sleep you hadn’t felt in months, years even.

The beat of Carmen's heart joins with yours, together and entwined like how it was always meant to be, why had Carmen waited so long? Why had he let time pass without you tucked under him, safe within his arms and away from all the horrors of the world.

It’s only when Carmen notices the shift in your breathing, falling into a soft exhale before he even lets the whispers of sleep grip him within its grasps, his shoulders finally release from its tensed state once he knows you've finally fallen into a sleep that had been kept from you.

“You don’t know how much I love you baby girl, it fucking scares me, but I’ll keep reminding you until infinity if I have to, until you know it deep down like I do” Carmen mumbles out, his eyes falling heavy and you grips you against his chest.

You don’t really know how, but even between the state of sleep and consciousness, you hear him, and you whisper between the space in your bodies, that you already do.

[muzicgenerator]

Hey, can I request an angst story with Bill and reader (the reader is female) abt crazy fans please? Like them (Bill and the reader) admitting somewhere (idk maybe in an interview for a magazine) that they almost broke up because of that (maybe reader's fanbase is known for being "too much" sometimes like following the reader everywhere, being so in love with her etc)

(Also could the story take place in the 2000s please?)

Goodbye 👋

i like this one im actually excited abt writing this one shot

btw im so sorry for late reply AHSJHFKDHDK please expect ill take like AT LEAST a week to answer yalls request bc im busy as hell w school 😭😭 love u guys pls understand

and again this aint entirely proof read

⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒⭒

Too Much?

✮

Pairing: Bill Kaulitz x Fem Reader

Genre: Angst, Mostly fluff

Warnings: Stalking, mention of nonconsensual touching, very embarrassing storytime from bill

Request Status: closed :(

✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧✮ I'm Not Okay (I Promise) : My Chemical Romance

(Time set back in late November of 2007)

Being a famous actress since as a child was unbelievably tough.

You had worked so hard and expertly; you didn't even have time to spend your childhood properly.

Just at the age of 19 and you've finished numerous movies and series. A true self-made millionaire, really.

You and your ravenette boyfriend are currently doing an interview for a night show.

"So ____, wow! After a long pause from doing films you're finally gonna have one showing soon! How is it like? Being back and all; being the talk of the country."

In the past one and a half year you hadn't done any projects since you've decided to take a break for yourself. And now you're once again busy taping with film staff and directors for your new and upcoming Teenage Romance movie.

Rest assured it's not your typical boy-meets-girl or vice versa and they do sappy sweet stuff and get together kind of film; it has its own uniqueness that will surely be called as "One of 2000s greatest Teen Romance movies of all time."

"Oh, I feel great Hanna. I had a deserving break and I'm back to doing one of the things I love most. I'm even happier because I got my lover and his band to sing the theme song for the movie." You truthfully answered and chuckled by the end of your statement.

"How about you Bill? How are things with your band?" Hanna included Bill to the conversation.

At that, he smiled politely. "Everything's great with us y'know, we're still together and all. Which I'm grateful for."

After a few more minutes for pep talk; the blonde interviewer finally decided to get onto the exciting part of the show.

"And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for! Dunk Tank!" Hanna smiled widely at the selected crowd.

"Where in this game; you will pick someone from the crowd who will accompany you with this game.

Your selected teammate will ask any question they want; to which you will answer, and if you don't want to then they'll get a chance to throw a ball on the target. Where if they hit it, you'll fall down the tank."

Hanna excitedly announced despite having done this for the nth time.

"____ and Bill, play Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who goes first."

You knew you'd beat Bill since every single time you played it - he'd miserably lose.

"Oh, I'm confident in winning this one!" you proudly say.

"Just because you've beat me all the other times we played this, doesn't mean I'll lose now!" Bill accepted your challenge and laughed.

He was right. He won for the very first time.

"Oh my God! Did I seriously win?!" your black clothed boyfriend exclaimed.

"I only let you win this time because I felt sorry." you playfully rolled your eyes with a smirk.

"Whatever, I'm gonna choose now." he giggled and stepped closer to the crowd.

His fan girls were screaming at the top of their lings, begging to be chosen by him.

No, you weren't jealous. Not one bit. Sometimes Bill would even complain about you not being possessive of him from time to time and would think you're not as in love as he thought.

It's cute, really. Then you'll show him how much you love him through actions rather than words.

Bill chose a girl who seemingly looked two or three years younger.

The joyous girl screamed in surprise; "Oh my god! What?! Me??! SERIOUSLY??"

It made Bill giggle, "Yes, you! Now get down here!"

A body guard helped the girl down; and when she was no longer at the stairs she rushed Bill to hug him but abruptly stopped. "Hi oh my god you're more beautiful up close! Can I hug you?!" she says excitingly.

It made your heart flutter just how kinder your boyfriend's fans are compared to yours.

To say your fan base is crazy is an understatement. Many would harass you through nasty words or touching you with no consent; it didn't matter if they did that out of how much they "love" you, it was still disgusting.

"Um, yeah. Sure!" he hesitantly looked at you; his eyes asking for permission. To which you subtly nodded.

Again, your heart melted by how he's making sure you're okay with it. Honestly, you very much understood that being famous would mean people wanting to hug you or any form of physical contact. Plus, it's not like you can say no to Bill from hugging a fan; you'd be a scandal. And you knew Bill wouldn't have any other choice as well.

He wrapped an arm over her shoulders while she fully embraced him. Okay, you're a teensy bit jealous especially by the way she's holding him like he's her man.

But that was soon washed away when she turns to you.

"Hi! What's your name sweetie?" Hanna asked and put a mic on her mouth.

"My name is Pauline!"

Before Hanna could say anything further, Pauline beat her to it.

"____!! I'm such a big fan of you too! I've been watching your movies since forever." saying she's over the moon is definitely an understatement! This will definitely be a core memory.

Almost immediately you wrapped your arms around her back and squeezed her. This girl is definitely one of the most respectable and sweetest fan you've ever met.

Was it really low? Yes.

The audience cheered by how sweet you and Bill had been to the girl and by how jealous they were.

As Bill and Hanna chattered about God knows what; the girl leaned closer to you in order to ask a favour which no one can hear.

"Can I ask you to shout out my brother? He has a huge crush on you!"

"Sorry darling but we're in the middle of a show right now. How about later I ask the staff to send you to the backstage? Then I'll give him my magazine with an autograph, and if you have a camera with you - you can video me saying hi to him!" you came up with a resolution.

Was it over the top? You didn't know and you didn't care. You're just fleeting with joy by how this girl isn't like any other of your fans.

"Seriously? You'd do that for me and my brother?" she gasped.

"Well, yeah. I mean it's not always that I have such nice interactions with people who are a fan."

"Okay lovebirds what are you two talking about there?" Hanna teased with a smirk and Bill playfully pouted.

"Nothing, nothing" you laughed and held Bill's arm as the crowd laughed and cheered.

"If you say sooo." she replied. "Alright, your turn to pick!"

You carefully looked around the crowd and walked five steps of the stairs to get a better view of the people on the back. A fifteen year old boy was holding a banner stating "Bill's No.1 Boy", it was cute, really. So you planned to steal your boyfriend's fan! (this a joke dont hate reader pls)

"The ginger at the back with the banner please." you said to the mic.

The boy squeeled in delight and threw his banner somewhere before running down to you. Your arms opened for an embrace which he immediately jumped into.

"What's your name?" you put the mic to his mouth as you both carefully went down the stairs and back to the stage.

"Sam, I'm Sam! My name is Sam!" his rather high pitched voice said.

"Okay, Sam. I know you're Bill's fan so I'm gonna have to steal you, that okay?"

"Hey, no fair!" Bill patted the boy's head and shot a smile at him.

This moment for him is definitely a core memory and will brag about it to every living human he sees.

"Now, who wants to go first in the tank?" Hanna asked.

"I'll do it" Bill says excitingly.

They agreed and the staff helped him get up. Once he were seated and adjusted in the circular surface; he challenge you.

"Ask a good one!"

"Ohohoo, we definitely will!" you smirked.

You turn to Sam and ask him without the mics near your faces; "What're you gonna ask your idol?"

"Oh uhmm, I don't really know." he says bashfully.

"Maybe his most embarrassing moment?"

"That'll work, definitely." you smile supportively and fist bumped him.

"Bill, you read?!" Hanna exclaimed.

"Born ready!!"

"Alright Sam, ask away!"

"What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you?" Sam asked with twinkles in his eyes.

"Oh, definitely when me and ____ weren't dating yet; she threw a sleepover party and she invited me and my mates, and there were three bathrooms, right? The three were being used and in one of those bathrooms it was Tom using it, and I had to rush him because I really needed to take a shit, like I couldn't hold it any farther!

So he went out really pissed and I pushed him off the door and quickly shut it and went right into business."

Bill paused and tried to compose himself as the crowd started to get louder.

"And when I washed and pushed the flush button - It wouldn't flush! So I got really scared because I just shit in my crush's toilet and I can't let anyone know that I'm the one who did it. So i looked around and saw a pack of pads so I took one of them; and forced myself to dip my hand down to grab it and I almost puked!

I look around and see there's no trash bin. So I panic again, and eventually decided I'll just rush down to throw it in the garbage in her garage. I quickly make a run for it and almost bumped into ___"

He now covered his hands in shame and embarrassment. "And she saw the pad in my hand! So she asked me like, 'Is that a pad?' and I'm like yes and so she asks whose it is...... and I said it's mine....."

You know of this story long ago; and it just gets better and better whenever you think or hear of it.

The audience and interviewer roared with laughter; as well as the staff behind and securities who tried to contain their smiles.

"I wish I never asked!" Sam wiped his tears from laughing too hard.

"Get down here Bill! That was too much!" Hanna's cheeks started to hurt, "Sorry to the viewers who are eating."

Bill went down immediately and squeezed the living life out of you. He does this whenever he's feeling embarrassed or nervous, and calls it his "Physical Support" from you.

"You should've let yourself get thrown in the water!" you giggled and hugged him back before he pulled away with a red face.

"Next goes ____!"

Once you were seated and made yourself comfortable on the seat; you tell them you're ready.

It was Pauline's turn to question whatever she wishes. "____, what do you think of your fans?"

She asks sincerely; she must've noticed something by the way you're like to your fan base and to Bill's. A part of you wished she hadn't asked but you've been dying to let the creepers out there know that whatever they'd been doing to you for a long long time - greatly affects you, especially as a young stat growing up in this sort of industry.

You rarely held any meet and greet, rarely had photos with fans where you look actually comfortable and where they weren't touching your waist or hips or near your ass - and ones where you do look comfortable it was mostly with girls or kids, which was not as often as when you do with the rest; who are pedophiles and creepy boys.

Of course you've always been nice when interacting with them; you didn't want to be rude and only wanted to be kind.

Definitely, there were times when you couldn't take it and couldn't do anything about it - other than cry and complain in your lover's arms.

You're forever thankful to have someone like him; he'd always listen to whatever you say and support everything you do.

Not realising; you zoned out quite a bit and snapped out of it when Bill called out your name with worry that he's trying to mask from everyone.

"Oh-, well, obviously I love them so much, if it weren't for them I wouldn't have succeed this much - of course the people who helped me get up in this industry as well.

I truly do appreciate their love and support, seriously. But quite the number of them are uh, how do I say this." you nervously chuckled as everyone listened intently to the tea you're telling.

"Crossing my boundaries? Yes, uh- that." you say not quite satisfied with the word you chose. It was evident that it's worse than just that but the safest.

"We all know people would cross it by taking unsolicited pictures of you, that's given because you're a celebrity, but are there some other ways they would? If you don't mind me asking of course." Hanna carefully asked.

You smiled softly, "Well a few have stalked me to my house - which I dunno how the hell they did so and took pictures of me and they'd send it to me and tell me how they thought of me. Some leave love letters, flowers, food in front of my gate, sent death threats to my exes when I was dating them and even now to my Bill." you left the worse parts out since you didn't want half of the world to be talking about your most private part of life. What you're even telling them now is a whole lot.

"Wow.. we all knew your fan base could get a bit crazy judging from all the videos we see and the news, but not by this much!" Hanna says empathetically.

"It happens, I guess." you try to laugh it off. However, Bill looked at your hues with his that sent the message of "Are you okay?"

In which yours replied with "I'm not okay."

✮✮✮

The game went on a for it was Pauline's turn to the dunk tank, then Sam's.

You continued your cheery self through the whole taping and told yourself you'll regret what you said later in your dressing room. Bill kept his distance close to you and would caress your hand or shoulder as a sign of support - as well as slipping a "How're you holding up?" every now and then.

If there were billions of ways to show gratitude to this man; you'd do every single one of it to him.

After the agonizing show was over; you and Bill kissed Hanna's cheeks as a goodbye and thank you. To which she said back to you both as well and wished to see you soon.

As you made your way to the dressing room in silence with your fingers intertwined with Bill's; you abruptly stop in your tracks.

"I almost forgot I have to sign a magazine for Pauline!"

Your lover looked confused for a second "What? Why?"

"I kinda promised Pauline I'll just sign a magazine for her brother because she asked me to shout him out while taping." you let a small huff and loosened your grip on your boyfriend's slender hand. "How about I'll see you later in the van? You can wait for me there instead if I haven't been back by five minutes."

Bill smiled, "Of course sweetheart, I'll see you later. Love you." he pecked your lips and lovingly looked into your eyes for a moment before heading to his dressing room.

Quickly; you asked a staff to bring Pauline to your dressing room to give her an autograph - to which they agreed to. Thankfully.

While they did that, you strided to your room and grabbed your magazine and marker - which immediately after doing so, a knock was heard on your door.

You hand held the paper as the other gripped the violet ink marker. When you did, you were greeted by a Pauline smiling widely with a camera on her right hand.

"Hi!" she says excitingly.

You greet back and quickly hugged her, "I see you have a camera with you."

"Oh, yes, uhm.. I was wondering if i can take a video of you signing an autograph? So my brother would believe me that it really is from you." she nervously giggled. "I might or might now have pranked him once by giving him a fake autograph."

"Yeah, sure. What's your brother's name?" you say softly.

"It's Percy." she answers as she readies her camera.

"Alright, is it rolling?" you ask with a smile on your face. Pauline says yes with a grateful smile; grateful for being how considerate and kind you are.

"Hi Paul! So I heard from your sister that you're a fan? Too bad you didn't come with her." you looked behind the camera to Pauline.

"And I heard she gave you a fake autograph of mine? Well now, you're getting a real one, and this is the proof." you say still giggling as you signed the magazine.

"There, and keep the pen. I gotta go now, bye and love you!" you say as you waved goodbye and gave your iconic kiss blow alongside a wink.

Once Pauline returned the camera back to her bag; she immediately thanked you.

"I'm serious - thank you thank you sooo much! And uh.. I'm really sorry if what I asked earlier was too personal. I really am. I was just curious and didn't thoroughly before it slipped my mouth." she noticed the change of the atmosphere long ago. Even if she's just fifteen, she knew how to read the room well.

"Aw, sweetie.. it's nothing." you pat her shoulder, "It's fine I tell ya, also I better get going - you should too, it'll get dark in just two hours. Bye bye and stay safe!" you wave goodbye as she still exclaimed thank you's as she walked backwards towards the exit.

(that footage is definitely gonna go viral after many years)

In a light speed; you gathered your essential belongings and had your personal assistant help you carry your other belongings to the van; to which Bill noticed through the windows that you're carrying back pack and a purse and immediately helped you despite having it under perfect control.

He opened the door for you and let you in first before him and closed the door. Your personal assistant sat in the passenger seat next to the driver, while you and your beloved were at the very back despite the space up front.

You rested your head on his shoulder and he put his above yours while he held your hand with both of his; tracing every outline, massaging it, and kissing it once in a while.

"R'you okay now?" Bill mumbled and kissed your head.

"Yes, hon. I'm great actually.. thanks so much for being there, I love you so much." you turn your head to face his and pecked his lips.

"I love you more than you'll ever know, I'm glad you're okay." he smiled genuinely and kissed you deep and passionate.

You returned to your head's original position and fell to sleep; not caring if tomorrow, you'll be the town's talk.

[suffarustuffaru]

I think I read a while ago on reddit that you had a madoka magica au for re zero, do you still think about it? I can Imagine Subaru taking the place of Homura but the rest of the cast is harder to place. It's a fun thought exercise though.

WAIT wow your ask sent me down memory lane wkdndn i forgot i even had a madoka magica au in the works for a while. i made it in like late 2020 and last worked on it in early-mid 2021 hah mostly bc my skill with writing and art didnt match with how big of an idea a multichap plotty crossover/fusion au was and i was still just dipping my toes into more ambitious ideas!! but id love to revisit it again now that i got more practice 👍

i like read your ask then went WAIT A MINUTE I DO HAVE A MADOKA MAGICA AU and then i skimmed through my old google doc plot outline for it in a frenzy. but also i used to write in yellow comic sans at the time so i wont subject you to my old terrible (affectionate) writing habits too much. but i think its funny how i had some notes on vague (and Dead Serious) ideas for witch form symbolism and i just found this yellow comic sans monstrosity:

2020/21 me was on some drugs probably LMAO 😭😭 but given madoka magica’s canon content that is probably a good thing if youre writing serious madoka magica fic.

also i did have a tiny bit of finished writing for it. here is the old synopsis past me came up with:

Stumbling across magic and witches, fourteen-year-old Natsuki Subaru follows his new friends and a mischievous cat spirit into a world where a single contract could grant you your greatest wish.

And at the end of it all, he really should’ve known this from the start: wishes always come with a cost.

i think that currently id probably change up this synopsis a bit if i worked on it again but it aint bad i think 👍 and yes youre right subaru would def be in homuras role for this fic… 😔 anyone whos seen both madoka magica and rezero would immediately make that connection i think hah they have. Similarities, as we know 😔

and i deaged some of the rezero cast as you can see hah. not sure if id keep that but i think an important aspect of madoka magica is that the main characters are that young. it helps add to some of their decisions and adds to the tragedy and whatnot. that and like. targeting vulnerable young girls, Literal Children, knowing that most would make a wish and sell their souls in a heartbeat and then easily be crushed by trauma without being able to fight back much, you know? :,) and then theyd make Lots and Lots of despair to harvest… and madoka was meant as a magical girl deconstruction and magical girls iirc tend to be arounddd early teens/preteens!! ill talk a bit more later on how id try to do this au with deaged rz cast hah.

also i did have a small drabble written for this au!!

The boy, no older than fourteen, stands there with an eerie sense of calm.

His frame is seemingly scrawny and lean, dawning dark clothing reminiscent of a mixture between a tracksuit and a school uniform - even if it’s adorned with golden ribbons and stripes - with a whip attached to the belt at his waist. Draped over that is a cloak, the hood of it casting a shadow over messy black hair and a cold expression. His keen eyes, emphasized by the deep bags underneath, narrow at the sight of Puck, mean and brimming with distaste.

With a steady hand, he raises a pistol to Puck’s head.

The moonlight shines dimly through the broken windows and onto the shards littered all over the floor. A beam illuminates a metal contraption, its appearance similar to a shield, strapped to the boy’s forearm.

“You know, I don’t quite recall making a contract with you,” Puck muses cheerily, though an undercurrent of a threat weaves itself into his tone. He stares down the barrel without fear, his sharp teeth revealed in his smile. “Who are you, really? And why are you so upset that I’ve been getting close with Lia? Jealous much?”

“Don’t you dare call her that,” the boy replies instead, bitterly spitting out each and every word. “Don’t you dare pretend that you only have her best interests at heart, or that you really care for her like a father figure would. It makes me sick.” He sneers as he digs the cool metal of the gun harder into Puck’s fur. “Because if you make even just one mention of creating a contract with her, or if you even come near her… I’ll definitely make sure that you regret it.”

yeah so. past me made puck kyubey apparently 😔👍 and if i revisited this au im not sure if i would keep subarus character development to be Exactly the same (ie it was very greedbaru/pridebaru/homura inspired) but this drabble was a fun exercise at the time!!

but anyway i will ramble about some more ideas i had for this au under the cut!! turned out past me had A Lot of ideas.

yes so this au was like. a fusion of sorts so yes i was assigning rz characters certain roles, blending worldbuilding together, etc etc but the general plot sort of followed the general story of the main madoka magica plot from the main show to rebellion!! it was like vaguely modernish too, but you know, madoka likes to be Creative with its backgrounds (see: the infinite amount of crazy chairs everywhere, which im still very fond of to this day) and also rz vainglory/school if has its fantasy world cast mixed in with subarus parents still being there iirc and a whole bunch of other details too (like beatrice being subarus adopted sister iirc?). so i was going the vainglory-ish route here in terms of “how modern is this world?” 👍

the main cast i was focusing on was gonna be subaru (homura), emilia (madoka), rem (sayaka), ram, beatrice, felt, and reinhard. also puck as kyubey haah and satella as walprugisnacht aka the giant witch at the end of the main show. i havent seen madoka in a bit wkdn i gotta rewatch. but anyway!! felt and reinhard got a mix of mami and kyokos roles narrative wise yeah.

quick rundown on their characters is that i wanted to stick to the rz cast’s canon characterization as much as possible while leaving room for fun experimentation!! and if theyre still younger than normal canon here—subarus still got his Big Ego/Im The Main Character mindset but in that way thats specific to his little kid self bc he hasnt gotten Completely Depressed yet (think like. arc 7-8 type stuff), reinhards still stuck in the middle of watching his dad gradually deteriorate, felts even Younger and still trying to find her footing a bit, rem is Guiltily and enviously trying to live up to ram’s Golden Childness (this is pre-Incident That Kills Their Whole Family). and emilia has lived a lonely life in the forest somewhere with no one for company :,) i cant remember if i had some Magic Mindfuckery ideas for her backstory here but ive definitely had ideas for modernizing her backstory for other aus like this!! but either way emilias family is still dead ;-; and i do consider like. the idea that modern emilia would have albinism, especially when there is discrimination in place against people with albinism that is a little similar to emilias canon struggle with her appearance so a modern take of emilia being that she is someone with albinism would be Very Relevant!! but!! not sure if id go all the way with that bc its a sensitive topic that needs to be treated with care and i dont personally have albinism 👍 or i could go the magic route and go “emilia looks like a previous magical girl thats become the most powerful witch yet….” ie satella ofc. so emilia would still be a bit of a “red flag” to other magical people.

but yes emilia wished for. im not sure but probably smth like “i wish not to be lonely anymore”…………. and then she got her wish granted via having magical girl/boy friends and puck!!!!! thisll totally end happily.

and quick note on reinhard is i didnt have much plot ideas for him yet but i considered different ideas for his backstory!! maybe theres some magic fuckery and theresia was a magical girl once? no clue how that works but it was an Idea i had for sure. also various ideas to modernize the Astrea Family Drama (dont worry the accidental indirectly/directly causing your family member’s death thing would still be there wkdndh this is an important detail to me.) but regardless of whats going on with reinhards backstory his wish was a naive little kid wish!! he wanted to be a hero who helps people ;-; good going reinhard ;-;

the entire plot of this au in general was divided in half, first half would be the first timeline where things go wrong. subarus gonna be the pov and hes the audience surrogate bc hes new to the world of magical girls/boys and no one in the group 100% knows the ugly truth yet!! and like in canon emilia/madoka has already become a magical girl here. emilia is also already close with puck—and emilia is the one person puck has genuine fondness for ;-; and i had a Lot of ideas for what exactly went wrong here—i had elsa and meili planned as witches? and i think i considered disemboweling felt :<<<< this is very sad bc her family gave her away to save her bc they were in danger (yes just like in canon rz) but then later felt had her life threatened or smth? and like mami, felt wished to keep living. but the wording felt used was wanting to “live strong”…………….. well she sure got it by fighting elsa valiantly but still losing 😔

also ok the first person to become a witch is beatrice. i had like wild ideas with beatrice—the possibility that echidna still made beatrice and puck and that beatrice couldve been a failed—whats the word for the creatures in madoka that collect/cause magical girls??? incubators i think?? yeah that. because whatre the two things a little kids gonna probably trust?? a cute cat creature and a tiny little girl offering free wishes, probably. and of course beatrice got assigned by her biomom echidna to look after echidnas library maybe. bc echidnas funny like that and beatrice didnt work out as an incubator so now shes gonna generate soooo much despair when she realizes that there is no That Person + the truth of magical girls/boys and what beatrice was meant to be used for….

yes more various shit hits the fan bc rem and rams canon witch cult backstory… i had plans to adjust it for this au and make it happen In Real Time. and also rem’s wish was probably something along the lines of wanted to be needed. and Better. so not just Like Ram. but rem wanted to be More than ram. which rem is guilty about but thats still what she wants so she wishes for it away from rams eyes. ofc rams feelings on this is that she just wants her sister to treasure herself and be safe and whatnot but rem is kinda in her pre-witch cult trauma mode and Oops now their town is destroyed in flames and their family is dead ;-;;; not sure how else id modernize rem and rams backstory but yes this is. this is how their plot went in that first timeline wkdnd. and ram is injured in some way ;-;;;

yes and then rem you know pulls a sayaka and goes a little crazy about everything bc beatrices whole ordeal already revealed how fucked they all are and then rem and rams Trauma just happened so rem feels like shit!! and then she becomes a witch too oops ;-; and then reinhard decides to be the hero and sacrifices himself so emisuba can escape ;-;; or at least that was my plan at the time. but yeah rem became better (a magical girl. bc ram didnt feel like making a wish bc her only wish would be wanting rems happiness but she didnt want to Cheat That. she wanted rem to find it on her terms. except rem became “better” and bigger than ram by being a witch also oops. also i think i still had vague plans to include rem being Obsessed with subaru to contrast what will later be subarus emilia obsession haha) and then reinhard. is the hero. </3

satella comes in somewhere at the end. she used to be a magical girl but she became a witch and shes Crazy Powerful for reasons i have forgotten now 👍 but i definitely wanted to have more shenanigans going on with her backstory to keep that sort of emilia-satella-subaru mystery connection. and theyre still connected anyway bc emisuba inevitably lose to satella bc shes too powerful ;-; emilia is gonna die and puck realizes OH SHIT I SHOULDNT BE FEELING LOVE BUT I DO GENUINELY LOVE EMILIA I CANT DEAL WITH THIS. WITH HER DYING. ID RATHER DESTROY EVERYTHING THAN LET THAT HAPPEN. and ofc subarus also in agreement bc oh god oh god—and yeah. subaru hasnt made a wish until this point but he makes a contract with puck to promise to save Everyone. like subarus promise in canon right before he dies for the first time you know? bc then he dies.

and wooooo the time loop officially begins!!! i had more ideas but i have typed lots on this post already akfnd maybe ill save it for another time if people are interested.

but yes thats all thats the au!!!! i am not familiar with stuff like magia record yet sadly ;-;; but if i ever wanted to expand the au thats def One option 👍 bc WOW the rz cast would be such a goddamn gold mine for those fucking incubators. little kid felix argyle would be a Top Tier candidate for them. like can you imagine???? thatd be the biggest disaster of all time ;-;;; and also theres Lots of possibilities for various witches the cast can fight!! very fun stuff its why i chose elsa and meili and satella :o !! but yes id consider exploring other candidates for magical girls and boys as well bc WOW felix would go insane here.

[melonteee]

you say you have a "hope that sanji dies" cuz you love tragedy - do you have any specifc thoughts or plot hopes to expand on that?

disclaimer: i mean this in just all good fun speculation or wishes cuz honestly we aint oda so who knows bruh 🤷‍♀️

like, the way i see it, him dying wouldnt just make wci 1000 times worse in retrospect, but i cant see it not utterly devestating luffy considering... well, luffys everything.he literally says he cant become pirate king without sanji! i mean, i guess oda could play it off as a honorable battle death or 'dying as yourself' but it could also go the 'you cant save everyone' route? kinda like ace, but a little to the left?

and if you bring in the possible discord amongst the crew of the death pack with zoro, it just creates even more problems beyond 'oh fuck whos gunna feed luffy'. we're talking water seven usopp leaves levels of discord

(....also why do sanji girlies like hurting him so? pudding, i have more in common with u than i thought)

My biggest thing with it is... Sanji's thing is worth, right? He thinks if he mutates and loses his emotions, Luffy won't want him, so he may as well die.

But, with the death pact he made with Zoro, what about ZORO.

Zoro hasn't said it out loud, but one of his biggest fears is obviously losing a crewmate - it's losing a loved one. He never wants to lose someone like he lost Kuina again. This feels very obvious to me, and it's why he fights to the extent he does.

So? I want Sanji to mutate, and I want the death pact to happen, because I want Zoro to hit a wall.

To never lose again, to be the greatest swordsman, WHAT must he sacrifice? To carry out a promise to his friends, to both Kuina AND Sanji, is this really worth it? Is this the right thing to do to reach his goals, and to go through with a promise?

Is it worth taking out a crewmate?

And then of course, for Sanji, if Zoro says he can't do it, he just can't kill Sanji, imagine how much that will make Sanji realise...he IS valuable, he HAS worth, no matter HOW he ends up. So what if he turns into a cold, unfeeling soldier? That's still Sanji, he's still somewhere in there, and Zoro dropping his sword would truly make Sanji realise that.

OR it can go the other way, and the death pact will go through - where Sanji can die happy, and Zoro can fulfill his friend's promise.

This is why it's so interesting that the death pact is SPECIFICALLY between those two. Because I'm not saying Zoro values Sanji over any other Strawhat - of course he doesn't. What I'm saying is, Sanji's situation is so specific to his being and emotions, and he KNOWS Zoro takes promises to heart.

I'm so so so SO interested to see if this death pact will EVER go through. There's so much that could happen with it, so even if Sanji dies or not? Fingers crossed!

[loyaltykask]

Chapter 14

@journeythroughjourneytothewest

THE POOR MONKEY IS MOSSY! HE WAS SO DIRTY ONLY HIS EYES WHERE SEEN NO MONKEY. Also love the attitude, even under a rock he like: YOU'RE LATE

Man really said "I aint got shit to say to an NPC, get my that Main Character Protag over here"

Feel like he saying this with quotation marks like "disobedience" and "rebellion" Like it was just a prank bro

Just something about Wukong saying he wants to come makes me happy. For once Sanzang's trusting nature is a good thing in this case He trusts the 1000-year-old ex-warlord monkey

Fate is sealed

He is not a cruel monster, he way more than that

HE NAKEY BOY!

Also didn't want to hurt them damn, how loud can this guy get after 7 miles?! ALL HORSES SHALL BOW TO HIM

HE GIVS HIM A NICKNAME LIKE THAT. Says he looks like a little Dhuta and everything!!!

Sanzang: Oh no another tiger! Wukong: Noice, time to get my drip that will be integrated with my character design for the rest of the time

Even smashing someone's head in is put into poetry Deadass "His brain flew to the ground like peach petals and his bones look like white jade" LIKE BRUH I DIDN'T NEED THAT IMAGINE IN MY MIND

This could just be me but I feel the poetry here is to emphasize how Wukong and Sanzang are seen as a new founding pact, a team that is meant to be together highlighted by how the beasts around them gather together for safety as well

Man I love this poetry

Fucking rude. Sanzang being so handsome he knocks on sense into this old fart.

Love that Wukong can take a joke since he sees this guy as his great-great-great-great-great grandson. He is just a lovable guy.

Wukong just picking this poor guy up: Oh good they bought us provisions Sanzang: Wukong they want to rob us Wukong: The dead can't rob

Do love how Sanzangis worried about Wukong, like his first mission and he is scared his little monkey man is going to get hurt

I wanna know who the guy feeling desire was thinking

You would think after the 40th try they would slow down

The greatest lessons to be taught You can't go around killing people who get in your way Is it effective? Yes.

Is it nice? No.

Also love how one of Sanzang's point is that they could get in trouble with the law and how he does not want to get arrested because of Wukong's antics

Very interesting they bring up Wukong's desire to be a true immortal in this circumstance. It is only true discipline and self-control will Wukong be able to achieve what he has always wanted. Also, love that it goes further into detail about how Wukong has to be the one to make this choice, he has to be the one to humble himself and realize he still has more to learn rather than thinking 'Might is Right' and that it's his way or the highway. I mean I don't blame him as he is experienced and old but at the same point he has to see that even though he has his flaws he has to admit to being wrong sometimes in order to learn from those mistakes and grow as a person.

:-(

Wukong: Ow that hurts..... do it again, lets test

Well that would have ended the story VERY quickly

I just love the idea that Wukong was 100% ready about to throw hands and Tripi had to remind him "She taught it to me bruh she would do the same to you" Wukong had to pause like "......shit"

[typekiku]

thoughts on TYPE MOON stuff

well these are my the type moon stuff i have read or watched or whatever so far. this is my opinion only so its inherently correct argue with the wall or touch grass as the youth say SO here it goes drum roll

FATE EXTRA

boring as shit. no joke im sorry its just booty cheeks but of the not sexy kind. its beyond mid its so mid i cant even act like i enjoyed it. it has an interesting concept and world sure but everything else is doo doo butter.

only good part is nero being hot asf and ig whatever servant there is because i only used nero (lmao i aint playing it all over again) she was funny at times

see shes hilarious at times... im sure CCC will change my mind... right? it has sakura what am i saying its PEAK

also fuck them for including arcueid in this crap

GARDEN OF SINNERS

i honestly dont have much to say about this one it never really clicked with me nor did i ever feel anything about it... BESIDES TOUKO

TOUKO IS SO HOT OMG

clears throat

that aside yea i genuinely dont have any opinion on this series of movies good or bad besides movies 3 and 5 which were my favorites

maybe i need to rewatch em one day and really try to get into it

FATE STRANGE FAKE

my favorite spin off in the whole fate franchise. it has some of my absolute favorite characters and GIL like what else would one even want in life amirite

some of my favorites are:

Richard: the absolute goat and one of my fav servants ever

Enkidu: i want a spinoff of gil and enkidu... is that so hard to ask??

Flat: my son

Jack: my uhhh child ig

alcides: the closest we will get to archer herc but just pure cool regardless

hansa: cyborg priest. nothing gets cooler then that

and many more im already too ti- FILIA - red to mention

i've only read up to volume 7 so i gotta get to reading the rest soon

its just pure chaos and is fun while doing so despite being slow as shit

FATE GRAND ORDER

ok this is the most complicated series here in a way since its so incredibly mixed.

there are some of the highest peaks in fate and then some of the lowest lows so lets see

Highest peaks:

babylonia

Camelot

lb5 (YES olympus and atlantis im tired of acting like olympus isnt peak NO heian kyo its mid)

LB6

the rest of the lostbelts are good but not that good

goetia is an incredible villain

lowest lows:

first five singularities

solomon im sorry the stuff with goetia was peak but the rest was average

gameplay

gacha

serious lack of male summer servants like cmon i wanna see them abs

overall fgo is alright but some parts of it is straight up incredible HOWEVER all of it is seriously held back by being a gacha mobile game and has to work around that limitation

also it has barghest whom i absolutely adore

also fuck fgo for forgetting medea...

WITCH ON THE HOLY NIGHT

now this is peak. the most gorgeous tm work by far i have to say its simply an incredible read all around. even tsukire did not look or work or sound as good as mahoyo did even tho it came out almost ten(?) years after

on the story front i loved it too with a special shoutout to soujuuro being one of my favorite characters in TM (i say this often not my fault type moon keeps releasing bangers)

however mahoyo has two issues for me:

the story is clearly incomplete: i dont mean its just nonsense or whatever but when nasu said its the first of a trilogy you can just feel that in the story with alot of things being left in the air. this wouldnt be an issue really if mahoyo 2 wasnt basically dead....

i didnt vibe with the slice of life scenes as much as i usually do in nasu works: this isnt a flaw in the story more so i just didnt like em idk how else to word that

mahoyo is a great read however and i highly highly recommend you read it or else

it also has touko enough said

TSUKIHIME (original version)

Greatest of all time. Zenith of the medium. Hallmark of media. Gold standard of storytelling. Apogee of creativity. Vertex of invention. Crest of ingenuity. Acme of imagination. Pinnacle of innovation. Epic of epics. Legend among legends. Peak fiction

ok fr tho its actually incredible and you should read it right the fuck now

all of the characters are simply chefs kiss. while the visual novel is incredibly dated and the art is even worse you have to understand this is nasu and takeuchis first ever visual novel made on a barely existing budget.

boy do they make up for that.

the vn is split into two with a near side and far side.

while the near side is really good with arcueid and ciels route (ignore how ciel was actually really fucked over even in her own route its laughable and my girl deserved better) the far side is so much more better and really is where the soul of tsukihime and shiki the main character lies

i cba to review it properly besides saying PLEASE READ IT RN or ill cry and you dont wanna see that do you....

heres my ranking of the routes btw best to worse:

hisui

kohaku

akiha

arcueid

ciel

shoutout to satsuki you finally are gonna get the route you deserved

KAGETSU TOHYA

um it has some cool lore and some really good short stories and... yea thats about it...

dont have much else to add...

play it with a guide because the structure of the game is abysmal

FATE STAY NIGHT

what is there to be said about such a masterpiece? what else could be written about fsn that hasnt been written before? i am but an ant in the shadow of the giant that is FSN only seeking some crumbs to feed and live off of. idk what that means but it sounds cool.

FSN is simply tms best work all around. while i prefer tsuki over it and find the tsuki side of TM more interesting FSN overall is much stronger on most fronts but especially its main characters

Shirou emiya is simply the goat nothing else to be said tbh

heres my ranking of the routes:

issei route

heavens feel

ubw

fate

FATE ROUTE MUST BE REANIMATED RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SABER DESERVES TO HAVE A PROPER ADAPTATION RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

we need more medea and kuzuki holy shit are they cute

FATE HOLLOW ATARAXIA

thank you type moon for making a good kagetsu tohya. its actually impressive just how much better this is then KT like seriously what the fuck did they take to drop this banger of a vn

KT had such shit comedy i didnt even giggle throughout it but THIS

THIS is a emotional rollercoaster of a whole different kind.

introducing the third (arc and medea are first and second) love of my life Bazett and angra we go through an incredible main story intermingled with hilarious and wholesome slice of life scenes that never overstay their welcome

this vn completely changed my opinion on some characters especially illya who went from someone i was kinda 50/50 on to adoring her overall

ALSO MEDEA SCENES YES I WON MOTHERFUCKERS I WO- huh? whats that? fgo basically replaced her with medea lily?

one hour of sobbing later

if you have read fsn and not FHA then i must ask you.. wtf is wrong with you psycho? you like missing out on good things? that wouldnt be me is all im saying

read it.

(in case you're wondering yes there is someone i deliberately didnt mention because my opinion on them is too complicated)

TSUKIHIME REMAKE

im not a fan of remaking classics on the level of tsuki. with all its flaws i still find the original to be good enough to not need a remake...

UNTIL I READ THE REMAKE

this is how you do it folks. the story was elevated on nearly every level and if it was the complete story id say its the best ever in existence ever forever fr. its just that good.

there are three things i really want to point out:

while maybe goin overboard i really liked the buffs all the characters received and in general the whole worldbuilding is so much better now with idea bloods and principles and vampire hierarchies and arcueid inflation scenes (heh) its just epic

ciel got a so much better route that actually feels like a ciel route and not just arcueid route 2 electric bugaloo (and getting fucking cucked)

noel is peak

this is peak type moon and when red garden comes out it will be even BETTER especially with satsuki route because satsuki deserves it

there are some other short stories i havent mentioned like garden of avalon, notes, MAGNITUNING (look it up you wont regret it) its all great and worth the time of reading

eventually i wanna play CCC and read some other stuff like maybe prillya DDD, fgo jp like lb7 traum and whatnot

i just wrote this for fun so dont really take anything i say seriously except for the teeny little part where im inherently correct.

uh if you are reading like or share or whatever tf it was idk

ciao

[sophie-i-guess13]

Hey soapie! I saw your requests were open and decided to ask for some head cannons.

So I would like your hcs on how the boys would react if after the Curtis parents passed y/n, who is a Curtis sibling, started to act like how ponyboy does in the book after johnny and dally's death.

Also for the sibling thing, its really up to you on how old y/n is. You wanna make them the eldest of the siblings, go for it, you wanna make them a middle child whether their older or younger than soda, go for it, you wanna make them the youngest of the siblings, go for it, like I said, its really up to you.

Anyway if you don't want to do this you don't have to, but either way I hope you have a lovely day/night! Also you can call me bones since I'm already called that on @rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me's page. sorry for the super long request!

OMG HI BONES! Thanks for the request love! I'm thinking for this one, Y/N’s gonna be a middle kid. Whether a year younger or older than Sodapop is gonna be up for interpretation. I'm also gonna borrow Dillo’s format for doing these kinda things <3

Edit : idk how Dillo makes theirs so pretty this is tricky what the heck

Darry Curtis

- He’s trying his best to help

- Don’t expect something really big and fancy, but Darry’s trying to show that he cares and that you aren't alone in the only ways he really knows how

- He’ll let you sleep in a little later than usual, he’ll go out of his way to make your favourite meal if you say you don't have much of an appetite

- Darry isn't the greatest at physical affection and saying he loves you, so he makes sure to show it the best he can

- Sometimes that means letting you fall asleep on his chest at night when the rest of the boys have fallen asleep for the evening, fingers carding through your hair

Sodapop Curtis

- He’s not too different from his eldest brother

- Soda makes sure to give you the time and rest you need (that every one needs, really), but also tries really hard to make sure you know you're not alone

- He’ll invite you to tag along when he goes out with Steve and the rest of the boys

- He’d probably put in some extra effort and maybe tidy your room when you head out to get some fresh air, too

- Unlike you're eldest brother, Sodapop is very comfortable with telling you he loves you and holding you against his chest, your head tucked just beneath his chin

Ponyboy Curtis

- Since he’s only 13 at the time, Ponyboy doesn't really know the best way to help you

- So he usually does what Soda or Darry ask him to do for you

- And, in a way, he finds his own way of getting you up and out of bed and around the people who love you

- Ponyboy will sit on the foot of you or bed and ask for help with homework (Not that he really needs it, but he likes hearing your voice)

- Other times he just likes to sit with you and tell you about his day, what he Johnny did, or any little thing on his mind

Two-Bit Mathews

- Two-Bit is very comfortable with physical affection. One of his favourite things to do is sit next to you on the sofa with one arm tossed around your shoulders

- He’s still quick to come up with a good joke here and there, but he also realizes that you're going through a rough time right now

- He brings you candy and a few other odds and sods, things that used to make you smile before the accident

- Two-Bit tells you all the time he better be the first one you call when you're ready to hit the town again

- He ends up making you laugh without even trying. It's the little things that get you, like when he tries juggling eggs in the kitchen and screams when Darry yells at him to “put those damn eggs back ‘less you wanna lay me another dozen!” from the other side of the house

Dallas Winston

- Your parents’ death hit everyone really hard. Dallas especially.

- Don’t expect any grand gestures of support, but Dallas does try. Just a little.

- He’ll swing by and pick you up a few nights a week, letting you know that it ain't natural for a kid to be spending their youth crying away in their bedroom on a fine Friday night when there are parties to crash

- Darry doesn't really approve, but this is the most he’s seen you out of your room since fur accident, so he figures he can turn a blind eye every now and again

- More often than not, Dallas will bring you around to Buck’s after hours so you can both have a drink in peace. Buck makes sure to lock the door and turn the lights off, giving you two all the time you need to reminisce and grieve

Steve Randle

- He really doesn't know how to help

- It’s not that he ignores you, but he's a lot keener on giving you space than the rest of the boys

- But he still talks to you and asks about your day, how you've been and what plans you have for the weekend

- Steve ends up inviting you to tag along when he goes out with Soda, usually saying they were heading to the DX for some candy. “You didn't havta come, just lemme know what you want.”

- As much as everyone thinks Steve doesn't care that much about you, he's the first one to notice you smile for the first time since the accident

Johnny Cade

- Johnny isn't great when it comes to helping people with their emotions. If you want to talk it all out, that's great and he’ll help as much as he can, but don't expect Johnny to pry or ask first

- He’s very comfortable with sitting next you in silence, maybe breaking it to ask about your day or share something he’d done in the last few days

- He likes collecting things for you

- Funny comics, cool bottle caps, Johnny will grab any and everything cool thing he can think of if it has the chance to make you smile

- He’s a lot like Ponyboy, doing the little things so you know you're not alone

[grapecaseschoices]

what color character are you?

These are SO long. So I aint tagging no one, but if you do this please let me know!! Quiz is here: QUIZ!!

Tristan [maybe-ish; some of this perfect but some of it is completely off]

light blue character

Light Blue characters are laidback and creative, often with a good sense of humor that ranges from sarcastic to straight up puns. They are good at community building because of their chill and funny nature, and they are expert planners. They normally aren’t very uptight, but can become so when they feel there is something that needs to be done, or feels that their authority is being undermined. They have a very strong sense of responsibility, mainly for people in their care, often an older sibling figure to many of those close to them. They can get paranoid and overbearing when they are worried about those that they are caring for. They can also act childish and have fun but they like having people around who can see their maturity and treat them accordingly. They use a lot of humor to get around dealing with their internal problems, and tend to complain about surface level issues in order to ignore their more vulnerable feelings. Because of their tendency to make jokes and try to get people to laugh, they aren’t often recognized for their intelligence. Sometimes they lack common sense and it plays out in humorous ways, but when it really counts they are quite perceptive and intelligent, brilliant inventors and strategists. Their decisions may seem impulsive, but are usually quite thought out and purposeful. They aren’t the type of person who really wants to be the sole lead, but they want to have a say in the decision making, and they need their input to be taken seriously. They often feel inferior to others and can become defensive when their ideas or sense is questioned because of it. They don’t generally get things handed to them, but have to work for what they want. This can make them feel out of place in a space with others who people praise as “exceptional”, and being the “ordinary” one is a bit of a sore spot. They can tend to act cocky and confident to disguise their insecurities, again often using humor to help them along. Light blue characters need people who ask for their opinion often, give them proper recognition for their positive traits, and don’t leave them out of important decisions, but also don’t let them take on too much. They need people who will see past their witty barrier and allow them to try and figure out and come to terms with their feelings.

------

Richard [ehhhhhhhhhh - I think what I saw of yellow might fit better, but I keep getting pink, SO!]

pink character

Pink characters are generally sweet and nice people who care about their friends deeply. They don’t often chose to be a part of the action, but instead get swept up in it almost against their will. They often aren’t fully equipped for the situations that are thrown at them, and can have a lot of feelings of inadequacy as a result. They don’t tend to be fighters, often preferring learning and discovery to anything else. They will go along with risky plans in order to help their group of friends or organization that they’re close to, but they’re generally terrified of whatever they’re doing. They are lighthearted and have a good sense of humor, fun to banter with but finding it hard to be genuinely mean to others. They are pretty emotional and sensitive, which turns out to be one of their greatest strengths. They have a lot of emotional maturity and are good at recognizing others’ needs. They are one of the voices of reason amongst a group of often impulsive people, which manifests itself in ways that others might dismiss as paranoia. (It is in some ways, but their fear of what might go wrong is also a crucial step to making the planning process so sound.) Even around people who care about them, they can tend to be the butt of the joke, and don’t have healthy boundaries to stop it. As they grow, they don’t necessarily become less fearful, but they do have a stronger sense of courage to get through their fears. They are compassionate friends and often do small things to show that they are thinking of the people are around them. They are dependable and trustworthy and a good ally to have. Pink characters need people around them who won’t mock them for being sensitive or having fears, but will validate their feelings and encourage them to overcome their doubts about themselves. They need their boundaries to be encouraged and respected, and for others not to pressure them into doing something they’ve said no to. [Not that he doesn't need people like that, but he isn't bad at doing it himself]

-----

Aleena:

orange character [maaaybe]

Orange characters are charismatic and talented. They push themselves to be the best at everything they put their mind to, and get upset when they can’t meet their own standards. They tend to be prodigies, seeming almost superhuman in their genius or abilities, but they often base their self-worth off of how well they can perform, making them feel isolated from the others around them. While most people see orange characters as cocky and self-absorbed, they are actually quite insecure in themselves. They want attention and validation from others, but because of their faux confidence and the constant (and often somewhat empty) praise from the people around them, the people that are truly closest to them often withhold it from them. This often leads them to push themselves beyond their limits to succeed and/or act out in unhealthy and self-destructive ways, in an effort to get some kind of recognition. These characters seek to impress, and have a hard time telling praise from love. They have a constant need to be the hero, in whatever context that means for them. These characters usually have a sense of humor and wit that can tend to flatter themselves (although much of what they say is rooted in truth), but it’s contrasting to some of their more self-deprecating natures. They can be serious loners, since they isolate themselves from others in an attempt to protect themselves. Although they would never admit it, they crave acceptance and belonging. Others generally don’t see this, because orange characters are loathe to admit weakness and build up defenses by making it clear that they don’t care what others think, although they do. In childhood, it is likely that their parental figures were either absent or abusive, often holding them up to high standards while not providing enough positive reinforcement. Other characters need to treat orange characters not as an annoyance, or give up on them quickly, but to make it clear that they are willing to love and support them regardless of how useful they can be, and to voice compliments where they are due.

[cchapsticck]

20 Fic Writer Questions

@dreamwatch tagged me and I have been so slammed at work but the show is open now and am able to look at my tags.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

146,941

3. What fandoms do you write for?

On this account its been Stranger Things, Baldur's Gate 3 and Critical Role - because we're sticking to a Dungeons and Dragons adjacent theme completely not on purpose.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

UNTITLED RECORDING rcd ca. 1987-1988 ANACRUSIS ca. 1987 head line sunflower broke wait, runner

5. Do you respond to comments?

I sincerely try to! I get them pretty infrequently so I'm always so tripping over myself to say something in response and surely sound like a total dipshit when I do. I know there are a few in my inbox I haven't responded to yet because work has my free time in a vice grip at the moment.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh surely dog at the door - the ending was always intended to be vague and open to interpretation but I cannot imagine any good faith interpretation to the ending is like. good. Runner up is probably of or pertaining to the body, which only takes the runner up status because its an elaboration on canon events that are objectively harrowing, versus with dog where I have engineered speculative misery for the express purpose of being miserable.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

head line, I think, is my only published fic with an unambiguously optimistic ending. I think there's been hope and happiness in my other fics, but not without caveats or as of yet unaddressed emotional complication in the futures of those stories. idk does that even make sense?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far as I know but who knows, maybe there are corners of the internet talking mad shit what do I know?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have said it before and I will say it again, I feel like one of my greatest failings as a writer is my inability to write smut without cringing myself inside out. I just don't think I'm any good at it. Smut lives in my heart though.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I suppose it depends on what one's definition of a crossover is? Like where's the line between an AU and a crossover? One time I wrote a DnD ST AU that includes no established WotC DnD NPCs but all of its world building, is that a crossover? Or does a crossover only constitute as a crossover as a matter of disparate series characters interacting? I have questions.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

lmao aint no on reading my business I cannot imagine anyone would be so moved to do so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't believe so, but I also haven't looked into it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've definitely worked on collaborative projects before, they all exist in various states of planning or semi-publication or DM hollering. I enjoy it, its like playing toys with your friends.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

It really depends what I'm in the mood for? Vibes wise lol? I have a handful of ships that I constantly rotate around in my brain like a rotisserie chicken that re-enter the hyperfocus zone on a semi regular schedule. Ask my about my forevergirl ships.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

lol could be any of them tbh

16. What are your writing strengths?

lmao lol even I'm so bad at self praise this is a nightmare. I like to think I have a deft hand with character voice, I like to think my writing feels generally grounded, lived in?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I really lack rigor, I think, when it comes to writing. I get discouraged by writers block very easily, I make it very easy for myself to walk away from a project. Which, I know isn't inherently a bad thing - some things just don't work out, or you don't have the time for that kind of commitment etc - but I often feel like there is a necessary momentum that I lose that just makes my creative endeavors just stagnate and I really struggle to manufacture that momentum for myself when it starts to diminish.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think it depends, I think there are contexts where it's appropriate and contexts where its inappropriate. For me it boils down to like, one's ability to use the language authentically and grammatically, if the language being potentially inscrutable to the reader is part of the need of the use of another language - textually, does it feel authentic to the way multi-lingual speakers communicate, etc etc etc.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think the first fic I wrote with the intent of public consumption was KHR? I think?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Hm. This answer changes from time to time depending on how I'm feeling about my work in general, but I think right now sunflower broke is holding that top slot. It got me back into writing, it made me realize how much fun writing Eddie's character was for me, the themes that sort of preoccupy me about him floated to the surface there. Just a little scratch of the surface with that one.

[ducknotinarow]

Blitz - Family Meme; all that apply uwu

| Talking about family

"You want me to go on about my Loony? Oh sure I love my daughter, Course there is also my baby sister I can chat about here also no problem. Uh? Wait...all of them? Fuck my life. WHY!"

Send 👔 for my muse to talk about their father

"Oh yeah my Dad was a real great Dad, wouldn't dare consider ever giving up his gold ticket Fizz but me? Me he'll sell for whatever you got in your pocket. Though I'm pretty surprised he took the sale at all? So I guess I have some kind of value? Think he just hand me off."

Blitz's Dad aint gonna be getting a 'world's greatest Dad' mugs from Blitz anytime soon. Cash Buckzo is clearly not any sort of loving parents towards Blitz not above manipulating them as a small child using his Mother against him just to get what they wanted from Blitz. It's pretty telling that even as a small child Blitz wouldn't do just anything for his Dad but can be swayed by the mere mention of his mother. Blitz clearly has no real hang ups when it comes to father he seems happy to drop them and forget them especially since Cash was clearly the reason he never got to speak to Fizz again and he's not phased at all to see him being a reason for that. Blitz dose clearly wish to be a much better father himself. And maybe be why despite Loona's age he treats her how he dose.

I feel it's also a part of what makes him like Stolas a lot, he can tell Stolas is a caring father. When they got trapped in the van together and Stolas was worrying about Via? Yeah course that's important to him.

Send 👚 for my muse to talk about their mother

"....Mom? Well I mean I loved her a lot. She was the best, she wasn't in the best of health but she always just..just made things better." Blitz clearly has a real sore spot when it comes to his mother. She was already his weakness as a kid he would do anything if he felt it would help his mom. She seemed the type in indulge her kids in their talents like Blitz love to draw despite being bad at it he still dose it even being aware he is in fact bad at it but it makes him happy and if anything makes him think of her. Though the fire wasn't truly his fault just a freak accident it was the worse day of his life. His family fell apart because like he stated in the very first episode, losing a mother ruins a family. And Blitz blames everything on himself, he's the reason he lost his mother after all and he is the reason he no longer has his sister in his life either. Still can't say the loss of his dad means that much to him but thats a pain he's dealt with forever.

His mother clearly holds a special place in his heart seeing how he keeps the skull oddment she once wore around her own neck. Not to mention the sight of his mother in a photo can send his emptions over the edge. And him feeling he caused him to lose his mother really just seeped into any other possible relationship he might find himself in.

Send 🤜 for my muse to talk about (one of) their sibling(s)

"....I mean I got Blair still..at least."

Blair being @questionablemuses oc XD Who I just love so course I gotta mention her ;3; well get to her in a bit.

Blitz has a twin sister Barbie who he was once close to even having a twin act along with his sister when he got a bit older. Likely happening once Fizz gained more popularirty seeing how the pair of them used to be a duo. Blitz and Barbie instead became an act together and clearly Babrie also was a very talent act carrying her brother in their shows. Which as young kids likely didn't bug her at first but I feel over time? did start to impact her feeling held back by her brother when she could be more on par with Fizz if not for Blitz. But thats her brother after all. Untill the fire which took away any chance she had from her, took her own mother away as well. I feel barbie stayed in touched with her father and likely let him help her try and book some gigs for a time. But that would lead her down a bad path of addiction. Blitz dosen't blame Barb for hating his guts if anything eh feels she is right to hate him. But he still tries his best he really dose. Trying to visit her when she was in rehab no matter how often he was kicked out or screamed at by her. In fact? I feel Blitz is the reason she ended up in rehab just adding more to the conflict between them. Blitz trying to be there for the last bit of family he has left. But seen as ruining things for Barb because of the jobs she had that allowed her the drugs she was getting hooked on.

Blair is the last bit of family he has that dosen't hate him or is gone. Blitz often wondering how long ti will take till Blair wises up finally. Well trying his best to hopfully not give her a reason to wisen up so to speak. Blitz however can be a bit overbearing with being protective of Blair. When it comes to who she dates and works not really mattering who it is Blitz is not a fan of anyone sucking on his sisters neck u-u Sorry Blair he cares he just Blitz one day he'll clam down when hes like old XD

Send 👶 for my muse to talk about (one of) their child(ren)

"I love my daughter, look at all these cute photos I have of her! My Loonie is so perfect like always~ Others just haven't seen how great she is!" Blitz I feel adopted Loona over any other hellhound, because he saw himself in Loona. Loona dose share a lot of traits with Blitz and both coming from these troubling backgrounds being rejected and abandoned? It's like that phase be the adult that child you needed in their life. Blitz however even with Loona still has the hadbit of keeping distance his overbearing and grossly over affection he knows she hates is a good way to keep a bit distance between them. Well still keeping the relationship there, course he fears her leaving as well and likey why he isn't too knee on her dating because she might leave and never come back.

He dose try to parent here but he clearly has no idea what he is doing, not to mention not treating her at the right age she is in. Some part likely has todo with how Hellhounds work he just dosen't treat her as a work hand of sorts. Which maybe be why Loona dose have some softness towards Blitz she just also good at keeping people away and at a distance. Blitz kind of allowing the over aggressive version she goes about it dosen't help but dose create a sort of understanding between them. She wouldn't worry about him if she didn't bother to learn about him she kind of gets the closest look at the mess he is living with him after all.

[unpopularvivian]

Marklin: *Begins shooting at attacking diesels from across the speaker gun fire ringing in the air**

3

2

1

Go!

Diesel 10: Go on slaughter men like cattle with your merc it doesn't mean squat! This is your first crazy battle you're about to lose a whole lot!

Rosie: Didn't count on Marklin busting caps but hey I'm glad he made it! Even up the playing field to rap so hard your pride gets faded!

Diesel 10: Think you got the rhymes to claim a victory? You might think your lines are pretty strong but no one here is strong as me!

Rosie: Man your history guess you haven't noticed this fights two-on-one! Got my girlfriend in my arms-

Rosie and Emily: Give up man we can't be out done!

Diesel 10: Wow your singing lines together what a game changer twice the chance to fail!

Rosie: We're in sync come on do better all your burns are getting really stale!

Diesel 10: Are we actually gonna fight now not even trying this ain't worth my best!

Rosie: Come on take your best shot right now me and my girlfriend can pass any test!

Diesel 10: You don't understand the kinda a stress this type of job gives ya, hate to break to ya kids but you know that I'm gonna out live ya!

Rosie: Just trying to date my girlfriend is deadlier than any diesel! The second I think I can breath again I'm firing bullets at another lackey!

Diesel 10: Kid your gonna die, you should know this now! One damn mess up gonna kill! One by one I'ma wipe you all out leaving nothing but a blood trail!

Rosie: Least everyone on my crew, looks not near the same easy to know, who's a passerby and a threat to you anyone could be your greatest foe!

Diesel 10: That's the part that makes me stress out all the shunters look the same, not even half them deserve a name gotta keep my power!

Rosie: Well man, you got your own problems but that ain't my business, saving all our friends is the only thing I got for wishes, everyone from all around the gym bout to strike from everywhere!

All three: Going for the golden win, fighting till the end yeah!

Rosie: I'll be real that sounds like misery but we both know you just ain't gonna beat me!

Diesel 10: You both no this aint the end of the story we know I'll destroy you just like a piece of rock hard candy!

Emily: Honestly man feel bad for you bro, but after all this blood, war, and death it kinda makes it hard you know?

Diesel 10: Oh do you really think I give a shit? No one here is gonna play fair! Steamies gonna die left and right! Feeling all the heat in the air!

Rosie: Bro you gotta learn to take the L, we gonna keep rapping fuck you bitch! I'm always on point so you that, I ain't gonna slip!

Diesel 10: Come now kid, that's so weak, I'm not gonna give up like some soft freak, second I see an easy mark your vision going dark!

All: Nothing to do we stuck in a stalemate, keeping up with you is just a game, anyone fails other prevails and millions are dead!

Emily: Can't give up now!

Rosie: Gotta end with something, sitting in here stranded! Think we're gonna end this, on the worst ending?

Diesel 10: Face it kid you've lost it no easy out! Shooting ain't gonna fix your problem now!

Rosie: Shut up bitch song is ending! We just won and we ain't pretending!

*After rap*

Diesel 10: DAMN IT! FUCK IT YOUR STILL GONNA DIE!

Rosie: What!? But we won!

Diesel 10: AND I LIED!

Marklin: Hell nah! You cooked! *Tries to shoot but gun is out of amo* Shit!

Rosie: Marklin, Emily, get everyone out and blow up the entrance to the gym, I'm settling this here and now! *Grabs gun*

Emily: No!

Rosie: Go!

Marklin: Got it!

Emily: Babe I-

Rosie: JUST GO!!!! JUST GO!!!!

*Emily sighs as she quickly leads everybody out of the gym as Rosie and Marklin start shooting at Diesel 10. Bullets are flying everywhere as many things are being shot at left and right*

Emily: Jesus, this is getting crazy! I just hope Rosie and Marklin are okay....

[nerves-nebula]

(another long ask im excited ok!! so sorry (*´･д･))

stop making me kin your sad turtles this instant /j /lh

my good fellow you are reading my MIND! AUGH these emotionally unstable lil dudes are going to make me feral! ripping a pillow with my teeth!

underage drinking will fix NOTHING Mikester do Not! (but for angst purposes...whomst am i to argue......)

also fr fr telling myself im the Sexiest, Greatest, Coolest Person Alive while actively hating every little thing abt my autistic self helps balance it out to being Kinda Neutral abt myself so like keep that up bud, if it works it works (｡-ω-)b

i dont wanna blow up your already-flooded inbox but i do have Thoughts and Words on Leo i am taking her apart under my microscope and taking NOTES i stg im gonna write a lil study on her or SOMETHING bc. this blorbita is always rotating in my brain.

(also im a big rider of the transfem raph train and oh boy. ohh boy i have thoughts about how that would work out in this au as well. permission to use that concept in my own personal, never-leaves-google-docs writings perhaps?) -stitch (again sorry!)

blorbita is so cute omgg <<33

i give u permission to transfem my raph however u like. my gender canon for him is that he's a gay ass homosexual fag and anything past that is too complicated. He's like if a boy and a guy were just a dude but never a man. His rat dad raised them to be boys and he doesn't really care either way.

but transfem raph is literally always so fuckin good. i aint seen a single transfem raph i didn't love. so like idk go wild with it.

[themagikmirror]

LET'S REVIEW🔎 6 MONTHS : 10 VIDEOS

It's been a labor of love and a privilege to do the work of channeling Spirit and ancestors that want the best for us in 2024! As I prepare to move through 6 more months of sidereal astrology, divination and channeling messages, I want to reflect over the first half of the year. It's always a great idea to look back before moving forward...

Hindsight is 2020

I invite you to review all videos you feel called to! Especially if you never watched any of these videos within the moments they were posted for! The next 6 months (summer + fall 2024) will begin producing fruits from things that we've sown and worked for. Likewise, it will also reveal consequences for areas we've refused to properly manage, take accountability for and grow through. My favorite time of the year is actually the second half. Everything just seems fuller and bigger. I am excited to move into new seasons and to start seeing major manifestations. If you KNOW you've done your best and been in alignment with what Spirit has asked of you, then you have NOTHING to be scared of! I'm excited to experience more retrogrades, our second eclipse season, the conclusion of Saturn in Aquarius and more Jupiter in Taurus because I know that no matter what happens if we continue to align with God's guidance its all meant for our highest and greatest good. This post excludes any written content, reels/tiktoks I've posted and my latest video. You'll have to go find those yourself 😉 2024 long form video content is listed in chronological order below ⬇️ Knock yourself out!

VIDEO #1

VIDEO #2

VIDEO #3

VIDEO #4

VIDEO #5

VIDEO #6

VIDEO #7

VIDEO #8

VIDEO #9

VIDEO #10

Thank you for being here! If you enjoy my content & it helps you unpack and process what's going on in your life, stop hesitating to connect with me on a more personal level! By clicking the link in my bio or watching these video you'll be led to my Facebook Page where you can find and hit "BOOK NOW" in the bio! This is how you can schedule spiritual work with me that's ALL ABOUT YOU! Meet a divine reflection of yourself by allowing me to help you better connect with your highest path & Spirit. Hope to meet you one day!

✨🪞💖🕯️✨🪞💖🕯️✨🪞💖🕯️✨🪞

[nicklloydnow]

“You've done this afore, said Tobin.

The kid wiped his nose with a swipe of his greasy sleeve and turned the piece in his lap. Not me, he said.

Well you've the knack. More so than me. There's little equity in the Lord's gifts.

The kid looked up at him and then bent to his work again.

That's so, said the expriest. Look around you. Study the judge.

I done studied him.

Mayhaps he aint to your liking, fair enough. But the man's a hand at anything. I've never seen him turn to a task but what he didnt prove clever at it.

The kid drove the greased thread through the leather and hauled it taut.

He speaks dutch, said the expriest.

Dutch?

Aye.

The kid looked at the expriest, he bent to his mending.

He does for I heard him do it. We cut a parcel of crazy pilgrims down off the Llano and the old man in the lead of them he spoke right up in dutch like we were all of us in dutchland and the judge give him right back. Glanton come near fallin off his horse. We none of us knew him to speak it. Asked where he'd learned it you know what he said?

What did he say?

Said off a dutchman.

The expriest spat. I couldnt of learned it off ten dutchmen. What about you?

The kid shook his head.

No, said Tobin. The gifts of the Almighty are weighed and parceled out in a scale peculiar to himself. It's no fair accountin and I dont doubt but what he'd be the first to admit it and you put the query to him boldface.

Who?

The Almighty, the Almighty. The expriest shook his head. He glanced across the fire toward the judge. That great hairless thing. You wouldnt think to look at him that he could outdance the devil himself now would ye? God the man is a dancer, you'll not take that away from him. And fiddle. He's the greatest fiddler I ever heard and that's an end on it. The greatest. He can cut a trail, shoot a rifle, ride a horse, track a deer. He's been all over the world. Him and the governor they sat up till breakfast and it was Paris this and London that in five languages, you'd have give something to of heard them. The governor's a learned man himself he is, but the judge. . .

The expriest shook his head. Oh it may be the Lord's way of showin how little store he sets by the learned. Whatever could it mean to one who knows all? He's an uncommon love for the common man and godly wisdom resides in the least of things so that it may well be that the voice of the Almighty speaks most profoundly in such beings as lives in silence themselves.

He watched the kid.

For let it go how it will, he said, God speaks in the least of creatures.

The kid thought him to mean birds or things that crawl but the expriest, watching, his head slightly cocked, said: No man is give leave of that voice.

The kid spat into the fire and bent to his work.

I aint heard no voice, he said.

When it stops, said Tobin, you'll know you've heard it all your life.

Is that right?

Aye.

The kid turned the leather in his lap. The expriest watched him.

At night, said Tobin, when the horses are grazing and the company is asleep, who hears them grazing?

Dont nobody hear them if they're asleep.

Aye. And if they cease their grazing who is it that wakes?

Every man.

Aye, said the expriest. Every man.

The kid looked up. And the judge? Does the voice speak to him?

The judge, said Tobin. He didnt answer.”

- Cormac McCarthy, ‘Blood Meridian; or, The Evening Redness in the West’ (1985) [p. 111 - 113]

[loyaltykask]

Chapter 33

@journeythroughjourneytothewest

WHO HAS PICKLED PORK?????

Wukong: He's fiiiiiiine Bajie being pickled: HELP

Sanzang has such good boy energy juice he be ruining their location with his fucking clouds, thanks for nothing

Demon: There is he! Sanzang: I can feel someone pointing at me Wukong: Stop being a fucking baby, there is nothing

WUKONG LISTEN TO SANZANG! YALL HAD A WHOLE ARC ABOUT TRUSTING EACH OTHER

I swear people say Sanzang doesn't listen to Wukong but WUKONG DOESNT LISTEN TO SANZANG

Twice now Sanzang has said something feels wrong in this mountain, and yeah he is a coward, but also Wukong like 'you're just being a baby' and NO THERE ARE DEMONS RIGHT THERE WUKONG

Wukong: how can I comfort him? Ah yes, I know. I'll flex so hard that of course, he will feel safer

I cant believe Wukong flexed so hard they even thought about just GIVING back Bajie like no fight

Hmmm exploiting virtue is my favorite thing

It is crazy that during this time Daoist and Buddhist monks were very much having issues with one another, even to the point of sabotaging each other monasteries. It kinda sweet that even though being tricked AGAIN Sanzang does wanna help whoever he comes across

Okay I know you're faking it to get to Wukong but fucking rude

Wujing has FEELINGS DAMNIT

DAMN WUJING XD LIKE YOU RIGHT BUT NO NEED TO SAY IT LIKE THAT! Wujing is funny 2024

He was just pissy that the guy called him names

Wujing: If you think I'm bad you want the literally ex-warlord Wukong: yeeees let me carry him~ I promise I'll be good! (already plotting how to kill this demon)

Even now Wukong makes jokes like: If you wanted to eat him, you could have at least bribed me with a large half

Wukong: Even if you were a human I would have killed you, you're annoying to carry Silver horn: This guy kinda fucked up

This is actually Wukong's greatest feat check as these mountains are considered to be the heaviest and most prominent locations in China at the time, and even now, he is literally carrying the weight of the universe on his shoulders at this moment

So on a one-on-one Bajie could fight Silver Horn but Wujing couldn't interesting enough I can't power scale because I aint about that life but it is to note that the comparison of saying Bajie is the second strongest in the group isn't an exaggeration

I wish I can find that one tictok of LMK Wukong under the mountain again with that Eggman voice over

That was funny af

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

He actually REALLY UPSET UNDER THAT MOUNTAIN

He getting PTSD

Even says to having pity on his brothers who got caught up in it

He such a good bro

HE ACTUALLY CRYING AGAIN

NOT FAKE CRYING LIKE BEFORE

These mountain gods are like: Oooooooo we fucked up....

HE SAID HE WONT BUT HE STILL SAYING HE WANTS REVENGE BRUH

Wukong: Listen I may have caused havoc in Heaven but NEVER have I ordered another local spirit, THAT IS UNFORGIVABLE Spirit: Weren't you a warlord? Wukong: With STANDARDS Fuck! Demons these days! No respect I tell you!

STRANGEST PRIORITIES

Wukogn: Tripping people is my culture, don't judge me

AGAIN THE STRANGEST PRIORITIES

REFUSES TO STEAL FROM DEMONS LIKE BRUH YOU

You know what as least he knows stealing is wrong lets be happy with that

You say, he says 'let him know' but also 'if you say anything but no I will start beating you to death' This fucking guy I love him so much

THIS GUY REALLY HAMMERING HOME THAT "hehehe you guys going to lose"

WUKONG YOU SNICKERING