#all i know is i am. feeling gross. and i hate it.

[jeabsblog]

TW: low key trama dumping srry, Svi<id3 mention, abv53, 3d, kinda long

I wish I could be but I’m accepting that I am not a cute/organized/structured Ana.

I’m a gross Ana, laxatives washed down with a flat Diet Pepsi from the night before. Room disgusting and dirty broken windows bugs crawling in on the daily, no curtains either everyone can see and hear into my room, no door knob just a door with a hole in it. Punch holes in my closet door, knats, flys, and even maggots residing in my room during certain times of the year, other times of the year stink bugs, lady bugs, and possums. Never rats or mice, thanks to the 4cats living with us, always smelling like feces and urine, thanks to the cats ( and the 2 dogs) my room is full of trash. Black mold is growing on my walls, walls still stained from years of my pawpaw smoking Marbolo reds in here. Paint ripped off here and there, my ceiling hangs so low I’ve hit my head on my ceiling fan multiple times, my ceiling is being held together by a half assed roof patch done years ago. Cigarettes and ash EVERYWHERE, it wreaks of cigarettes on top of the feces and urine stench. Dirty cloths clumped together with feces on the ground. I’ve cleaned this room hundreds of times, now it just stays this way. I barley live in this room either way, I live on islands. Chair, bed, living room chair, toilet, never touching the ground. The hallway in our trailer filled to the brim with dirty cloths, feces and urine stains, baskets with cloths covered in feces in them, cramped. The bathroom is no different. The living room was recently cleaned by our new house mates a while ago so it’s better there but moms there so I never stay. I perfer wearing shoes in the house cuz the carpet floor is sticky and you never know when you could step in something. Having to walk >1mile to stores in 90-80degree heat for basic necessities since moms car is broken. Mom often makes us stay in my room ( we can’t leave to use the bathroom or anything ) so she can smoke Cr4<k. We have no food in the house, only having a small plate of a pork chop for dinner every other night when moms not on a b3nd3r. having to have my gfs family take me to the dr when I’m sick, aswell as to the gyno for birth control. They also give us food, toilet paper, and other necessities often. I’m not going into detail abt mom…Before my little brother threatened to k1||h1ms3lf cuz I wasn’t spending enough time with him I never really stayed here. I hate it here. It’s not fair to leave my little brother here with my mom in this place. It’s not fair so I stay and starve. Starving makes me feel better.

Thankfully, I’m almost 18 and if things go well dad will get let out of jail Nov 2027 when I’m 20 and my little brother 18. By that age we can all 3 ditch mom like we’ve always wanted.

[proshipconfessions]

I fucking hate antis. I used to be one, and I am still SURROUNDED by all this “liking fictional CSA means you’re icky and one of the bad victims and YOU WILL DO IT IRL!!!!” Bullshit.

People I admire and look up to end up saying it. My “friends” end up saying it. It’s everywhere. I often feel like I can’t trust anyone, not even my close friends who have already told me they don’t care what I’m into.

it’s terrifying. ive seen what antis have done to us, I’ve seen how easy it is for people like me to be exposed. I’ve seen how people will see you as nothing but the filth that soils everybody’s shoes; or the sick, drooling predators just waiting to strike. I’ve seen how people are isolated, abandoned, and even driven to kill themselves because Society just doesn’t fucking like freaks. And everybody on this app says that “most people are proship!!! It’s the normal opinion!! We’re the normal ones!!! ”

I CAN NEVER BELIEVE IT. where the fuck do you live??? People abhor my gayness. People abhor my true gender identity. People abhor the way I carry myself as an autistic person. PEOPLE HATE, SO FUCKING MUCH, and they hate what they think is weird. People don’t even get that Lolita isn’t endorsing what the main character does. if it’s so normal, then why is it so much MORE normal for people to react to the concept of lolicon with “oh, they must be nasty hairy pedophiles living in their mothers basements with tons of CP. it should be illegal!”? if it’s so normal, why is it more normal for self-righteous video essay YouTubers to treat “booktok girlies” like crass, pitiful zoo animals for liking taboo shit in their spice novels? Why do they always come to the conclusion that they’re all stupid old cunts who could never tell the difference between fictional abuse and real abuse?

if it’s so normal, then why is it more normal for people to make this fake binary of “proper, real sexual violence fiction” and “filthy, romanticizing sexual violence fiction?”

People in general Might understand you if you just say you make art about dark subjects. They might be “normal” about that.

But I know full and well that it would be a different story if I bring up fictional incest or CSA. It would be an especially different story if I mentioned that its not to cope with trauma, just to get off on.

…I probably have trust issues, and I have antis to thank for that. It’s getting so common in the media. I’m so sick of people telling me it’s commonly accepted. It is NOT. What I write is gross, triggering to most and seen as immoral to SO many people. Even people I love.

I make new friends, but I don’t let them get close. I’m always terrified/constantly thinking about them discovering that I’m a freak and leaving me— or worse, outing me to others. it’s actually why I’m too scared to start posting like I used to on tumblr. I know what I am. I don’t try to delude myself into thinking I’m “normal.” I am not, and maybe that’s okay.

I hate antis for what they’ve shaped me into. How their rhetoric that I clung to in fear for so long had shaped me into an uncaring, virtue-signaling asshole. I hate them for how I crumbled when I discovered I had become the very thing that my friends and role models swear to destroy. I hate their logic for getting into almost every fucking crevice of the internet and even my peers’ beliefs. This stuff ruined my mental state.

———

[ethernetmeep]

everythings fine except the curtains are on fire and oh fuck the house is on fire but its not just the house its me too and im sitting in the kitchen on a chair on fire and. I . Am not having a good time. Holy fuck i havent been having a good time for like two hours

[toytulini]

listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.

yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?

maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".

get a better joke

[pageofheartdj]

Please, allosexuals can be sex-repulsed. It's not either both or neither. You can be attracted to people and want to be intimate with them, but feel aversion to the idea anyway.

[butchladymaria]

posting this here so hopefully more people see it - but does anyone have any tips for making sure that palestinian fundraisers are legit? i have a lot of heartbreaking messages in my inbox, and i feel horrible sitting on them - but i don't want to accidentally post something that's a scam taking away the legitimacy of all the real people in desperate need of help (or worse, a palestinian who needs help but their fundraiser is being run by someone known to be dishonest. i've seen some truly heartless people steal donations from palestinians after promising to organize their fundraisers and it breaks my heart).

i know about reverse image searching, and the blogs of folks doing grueling work vetting fundraisers, but a lot of the usual ways you could vet things like this just do not apply here.

like, seeing if it's an empty or brand new account, or if the post "reads well" (ie: is it churned out by AI) for example. those are usually decent indicators of a bot/scam on this site. but when this is a relatively recent and constantly evolving crisis that's given people who may not speak native (or any) english no choice but to make accounts just to ask for help? that obviously does not apply here.

i want to be clear: i'm not reporting anyone for not having perfect grammar or saying that because scammers exist no one should donate at all. it feels disgusting to doubt these messages, but the last thing i want to do is cause someone who is in dire need of help to not get a donation because i inadvertently redirected people to donate money to a grift/scam.

[here-there-were-dragons]

as a general rule, on average, if americans consistently complain about a food being conceptually weird, gross, and scary, then it probably tastes amazing. or at least inoffensive.

this is because in my experience americans for the most part (give or take a few exceptions by region) think eating literally anything other than beef, chicken, bread, eggs, peanut butter jelly sandwitches, ketchup, and disgusting cloyingly artificial brown sludge soda is insurmountably weird, gross, and scary.

[arcaneyouth]

WAAA WEIRD VENTING IN THE TAGS RAAAUGHGAH WATCH OUT

[katisbadatnames]

we got level one hfjone brain worms

[robbed-ghost]

“Damian isn’t ooc what are you talking aboutttt he’s only 14 and wants to trust his dad so badlyyyy guyssss don’t get upsettt” have you never read a comic with Damian in it in your life

[layzorr]

Mm

[hauntedtotem]

I think the biggest red flag for me regarding the hopelesspeaches and lio convoy stuff, their entire group (especially lio) has near identical speech patterns and dynamics as my mom's online friend group. Which is less of a red flag and more of a raging wildfire tbh

[rancidarling]

oh for fucks sake i wish i would just throw up at this point

[sureuncertainty]

at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/

[shopzone462]

Flapping G Spot Vibrator for Women：‘’Layla‘’ Adult Rabbit Sex Toys with 9 Flapping Modes 4 Tickling Modes Waterproof Clitoralis Stimulator for Clit Nipple Anal Stimulation Rechargeable Adult Sex Toys

listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.

yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?

maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".

Get This > Flapping G Spot Vibrator for Women：‘’Layla‘’ Adult Rabbit Sex Toys with 9 Flapping Modes 4 Tickling Modes Waterproof Clitoralis Stimulator for Clit Nipple Anal Stimulation Rechargeable Adult Sex Toys

get a better joke

[depresseddepot]

the way i try so SO hard to gain even a crumb of body neutrality only to then see some shit on twitter that remind me that oh yeah. a distinct portion of the population genuinely believes they are being discriminated against when they have to look at or be within 50 feet of a fat person