#all the loss and trauma because I have always put a lot of pressure on myself as ‘the one that survived’ to do well and make everyone proud

[thedivinetarot]

I'm so sorry for your loss

How does he feel after you blocked him?

☆How to chose the perfect pile for you?

1) Close your eyes.

2) Clear your mind (don't think of anything or anyone).

3) take a deep breathe.

4) Ask the question in your head.

5) Open your eyes, and the picture that you are drawn to the most is your pile.

☆Note:

- Thank you guys for 200 followers, we are growing so fast. I'm grateful to have you guys❤.

- In this reading we are going to reveal how your specific person feel when you blocked them and went no contact with them.

- This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Nothing is set in stone.

Stay safe

Arya❤

Pile 1 - Spell book

How is you current energy?

Pile one are you trying to lose weight for a wedding but obviously it is not working out? I see that you may be on a diet to lose the extra weight and to fit in that beautiful dress you bought but obviously you either not seeing any results or you are not taking the diet seriously. You may be falling at losing this weight. Anyways as a nutrition student I advise you to lower the carb intake but never cut it from your diet. And always remember that you ARE wearing the dress and NOT the dress wearing you. That's a thing, also I see that there's someone who is shaming you for gaining that weight. He might be a man from your family or a man you know? Don't listen to them pile 1. Losing weight needs effort, consistency and finally a lot of patience. You can't lose all that weight in a week or a month! Be patient. I see that this pile is so desperate to lose the weight and they are putting too much pressure on themselves to reach that goal. And if you are not trying to lose the weight. You might be working on a project with someone and that project caused you two to lose your money and now I see that it is going to be a short term money loss. Don't freak out pile one money come and go. You can always ask for help, ask someone to lend you some money. You'll repay them one day when they need it. Another thing I'm picking up on is that this pile are facing financial trouble because of a wedding? You might put too much money and effort into it that now you have a problem with finances?. Okay, the dominant energy on this pile are earth signs (Virgo, Taurus and Capricorn) you might have those placements in your chart or just the dominant element (earth) or dominant planet (Venus, Mercury or Saturn).

Now how does he feel after you blocked him?

So, looking at the cards in front of me this person might have been manipulating you emotionally. The cards also are telling me that he is untrustworthy. So please pile 1 don't fall into that trap again. Do not unblock him. I see that after you blocked him he might got it as a sign to move on from this connection. I see that he is taking his attention and dumping it on someone else. He might be a cancer with gemini placements? Be careful those type of men especially with those placements are super manipulative even if they subconsciously do it. I see that he is asking someone to reach out to you just to know how you are doing. This person is literally a border line psycho😂 I can't. Like he act like he is fine and cool without you but he is still watching your social media or taking the tea on you from a friend of yours or a friend of a friend. Anyways, I see that he is addicted to you. Like even your name make him tremble? I don't know why I got this feeling. He might also was dependent on you emotionally? Like he have dumped all his emotions and trauma into you? Pile 1 dear, he is not worthy of that and our job is not to fix those men. He is like in between two states 1) I should let her go because it is over and the other state is 2) but we could've been good together, there's still things I want to experience with her. Anyways, I see manipulation for some reason. He might manipulated you into thinking something about him that is not exactly the truth. I see that he is being childish of his needs and wants. He is like that baby who want to have his cake and eat it too. You see that person who says that he want a specific type of women but the thought of spending the rest of his life with them terrifies him? You might have his lilith in your sun sign. He is incredibly attracted but afraid of being with you.

Thank you for reading this pile 1. Take care and stay safe❤.

Pile 2 - The burning heart

How is your current energy?

Pile two are you walking away from a friend group? I see that you either walking away from a friend group or leaving an online community. That community might be toxic and it left you unbalanced and insecure? You might have lied to yourself that this community or people are going to make you happy but in fact they made you feel insecure and more triggered? You might be someone who was obsessed of looking like a model or like those IG girls but for some reason as you progressed in that group you started comparing yourself and your life to them? I see you conflicting between you and your inner world and vision but acting happy and positive in front of people. You might also got scammed by them? I see that they were promoting a product that should solve all your problems like magic but then you realize it was a scam? That product may destroyed your skin or gave you breakouts. This pile have water placements (Cancer, Scorpio and pisces) and earth placements (capricorn, virgo and taurus).

How does he feel after you blocked him?

Well, this group is hilarious 😂. I think he didn't know that you blocked him so he kept double texting you and there was no reply so he felt like he f up. I see that if this person is living in the same place as you or the same city he might actually take action to come in and see you. And if not then he felt incredibly confused and insecure. I feel like he might be the type of person that if he faced rejection or a block he let all his previous trauma resurface again and blame himself without actually changing. But hey, let's be honest those men demand you to change but he is literally rotten in his own self with his bad habits and emotional immaturity. I see that this person was eager to know you. Have you dated him pile 2? I don't see anything serious to be honest. It looks like a date or a hookup but not really a serious lover or a partner. He feels so insecure and not stable. He perhaps, wanted to give this connection a shot but was surprised by getting blocked? Lol. I can't it is so funny. Sorry pile 2, I think you should clarify things with him. Wait I will pull a couple of cards to see his energy. He might be a young adult, possibly between 20 and 29? I see that he tried to achieve success multiple times but that didn't really happen. He might opened or worked a series of jobs or businesses/projects but none of them worked. I see that he lied about being happy away from you but he is not. He really wanted this partnership he is so serious omg. Well, I think it is up to you if you want to pursue anything further with him but he is broke sooo it is up to you pile 2, if you want to keep in touch with him or unblock him. I don't know why I keep picturing a black man with braids. He might like wearing white clothes.

Thank you for reading pile 2, stay safe and take care ❤.

Pile 3 - Love magic book

How is your current energy?

I see that this pile are finally seeing the fruits of their labor. I see that pile 3 have been doing alot of inner work and practicing self care. I see that you guys might have realized the old patterns that kept you stuck. I see a lot of inner transformation. You may finally broke free from abusive partner/family or friendships. I see that the chapter you are closing made you insecure about moving on with your life. You may be scared and terrified to take action in your current circumstances. The cards are telling me you don't have the courage yet to approach life in a more optimistic way. I see that this pile are being faced with many decisions to make and there's a lot of opportunities that will give you the abundance you need. I see that this pile are not afraid to face their inner demons. Like as I mentioned above, you might started going to therapy or doing shadow work to deal with the darker side of yourself. This pile’s energy is so internal. I don't see you doing anything to be specific, I see you doing the mundane and being afraid to take higher risks. Guys I felt anxious all of sudden. Have you been dealing with anxiety? If you might be then I asked the cards on how to deal with it and they told me that you need to live in the present moment. Stop living in the future, what will happen will happen and you have no control over the outcome. The cards are encouraging you to embrace the moment and enjoy the blessings from the universe. I see that this pile will have an opportunity to improve their life. I see a job opportunity coming in for you and it will make you so happy. Guys I think life is not that serious so please don't overthink the stuff that you cannot control. Okay? Live your life guys. Anyways, I see a strong uranus and pluto energy. You might have those two planets dominant in your chart or you might be an aquarius, cancer or scorpio. That's what I'm picking up on. You don't have to have those placements if the description fit you correctly.

How does he feel after you blocked him?

I see that your person is practical and stubborn. He might be an aquarius, capricorn or have his sun in the 10th or 11th house in his chart. This person is refusing letting you go. The cards are all pointing to the opposite direction, I see that this person is so attached to you like a puppy. This person is boiling inside, his blood is on fire. I feel like he is feeling stuck and frustrated. He might have a lot of female friends or have a lot of sisters or female siblings. Whatever the case he is asking them to help him of his situation or just spending time with them to get over you. I think that he think what is between you two is not done or finished. He is so fixated on you. I feel like after you left he got depressed and sad. I feel like I'm losing hope. This person keeps himself dissociated by imagination. He keep imagining you two together. He didn't expect you to block him. I don't really see any movement, he is not moving at all. And if you are asking about him taking action towards you I don't see that happening honestly. He is just trapped in his head. He might have an IXXJ mbti (ISTJ,ISFJ, INTJ, INFJ)?. This person is not happy of how things are he is still thinking about you. I heard the phrase "you never left my mind/ imagination". I see that instead of healing and moving on he is distracting himself even more.

Pile 4 - The 3 of swords card

How is your current energy?

Honey why are sad? He doesn't deserve it. I feel like this pile is disappointed by someone they felt a connection with. This person might crossed your boundaries and even was rude to you. I don't really feel like you know this person well, like you see when we meet someone briefly and they leave quite a strong impression on us. I see that you expect this person to treat you in a way and unfortunately you got disappointed. I see that this person did not respect your privacy or personal space. I feel like you might have problem socializing with other? Or social anxiety? And that person was the last straw? Anyways give yourself some time to heal from that and move on. I feel like this pile are trying to be more courageous but they are overthinking and scared. You might be someone who do not trust others and feel so overwhelmed by people. I pulled a card for advice and they are telling you to step into your power, they are telling me that you are strong pile 4. You have this duality to you and if it is not about duality then you can switch masculine and feminine energy within you quite easily. Also trust your intuition. I feel like you have a female figure in your life who is very spiritual and connected to earth. Ask her for help and she will gladly help you. This is your pile if you have leo placements or fire placements in general. I see mars as a dominant planet too. So take what resonates.

How does he feel after you blocked him?

Well, I have two scenario cases in my head. The cards are telling me that he already moved on when you blocked him. He might have had a crush on someone so it was easy for him to move into that. I see that he still watch your social media but BUUT out of curiosity not love or because he want you back. The other case scenario is; he might be working on himself to manifest you. I see that this person is so patient and calculated. He might have other life responsibilities, this person might be old like between 25 and 35. I'm not getting any teenage vibes from this group. What he felt when you blocked him was anxiety and longing? You see those psycho people who do not understand themselves? So they confuse others? He might felt like it is time to move on emotionally but mentally he sometimes long and think about you. He doesn't really understand his emotions. He keeps them to himself. This person is done I'm not seeing any movement but what I do see is thinking deeply about you and unfortunately; his thoughts are manifesting or reaching you. He might send you messages telepathically? I don't know if you believe in telepathy, but after all it is physics and spirituality. I mean our thoughts are patterns and they have vibrations and frequencies so yes it can move from one person to another. If this person keep popping on your mind then he is manifesting you.

Thank you for reading this pile 4. Stay safe❤.

Post date: 31st/Aug/2024- Sat

*Feedback is appreciated

[mandalhoerian]

leon kennedy + love languages analysis

It’s in Leon’s job description to help and serve, he’s always out there chasing bioweapons and their makers to save others or doing the bidding of his higher-ups — it’s all in the name of the right thing and out of his strong sense of justice. It doesn’t matter if he’s in an overbearing mission breathing down his neck in utmost priority, he will stop and try his best to help out a random citizen as you can see in RE6. He does also state in RE2 remake that helping people in need was why he chose his occupation, be it in his emo era too, Leon just can’t look away from innocent bystanders. Accepting to look for Claire’s brother when he just met her that night, and also the inability to leave Ada alone in the maze of the sewer he has no idea how to solve the puzzle to, and agreeing to whatever Helena wanted to show him when he was so suspicious of her because she was distraught and clearly in need of something are just some examples of this. 

He helps however he can, whenever he can; he also expresses great concern for the wellbeing of others before his own as it’s his main drive in life. Leon’s a man of duty and selfless in nature, the only time he’s done anything for himself was when he wanted to chase the trail of bioweapons in Eastern Slav Republic instead of pulling back like he was ordered to, and even that was work.   

Therefore we can say acts of service is his primary love language, so much so you would want him to take a break from it. 

Leon really doesn’t look after himself. 

His go-to self-destruction method is to indulge in alcohol to deal with his problems and drink away his feelings instead of seeking help. Maybe he doesn’t believe in getting help in his field of work (nobody has gone through what he has, and seen what he’s seen, and maybe he doesn’t want to bother people with any of it), but he does shut himself off and ignores his problems — doesn’t ask for help, at all. 

In Damnation, he pushes Hunnigan away when she tries to explain the situation to him and nonchalantly dissolves the conversation when she’s afraid he’s going to take off. In Vendetta, he’d rather fight Chris and put on a sarcastic demeanor than to express vulnerability when he clearly needs someone to be his confidant. He doesn’t want to share his burden, but will relentlessly pressure you to share yours.  

With his significant other, he would want to take on the weight of whatever’s on you regardless — from mundane things around the house like cleaning, fixing things, preparing breakfast so you can sleep a little bit more and being a great giver in bed to grander gestures like taking a bullet for you and becoming mean to you in order to keep you away from harm’s way (like he did with Claire at the end of Infinite Darkness, he lost his friendship with her but it kept her safe). Leon will go above and beyond to make life better and easier for you, but he is obsessed with your safety first and foremost. 

However, you will have problems with getting him to open up like I mentioned previously, he deals with his problems on his own and he won’t want to trouble you with whatever he’s going through at the moment — with the plus of his job being mostly confidential, it’s a struggle to help him when the most of his suffering comes from the loss and trauma that comes with it. 

It makes him emotional that you help in other areas though, when you clean up his place at times he is away for a long time, when you make a homemade meal cooked just for him, or when you offer to give him shoulder massages seeing as he’s extremely tired. He isn’t used to being taken care of, and part of him feels guilty, but he’s so appreciative and happy someone cares for him this much. 

Leon moves around quite often and is rarely at his place of residence, so he doesn’t spend a lot of time at home. Therefore, even when his place screams how fat his salary is from the outside, his house is not a home, it doesn’t have a lot in it and is basically empty like a ghost is living in it. And again, with being an agent comes the practicality of not having a lot on you so you can be more flexible, but it’s almost as if it reflects how little he thinks of his life and has nothing to leave behind if he dies on duty.  

He even has two default outfits, first is anything he can throw on himself (preferably jeans) with a leather jacket and the second is the agent outfit, which is just a suit (button-up shirts grew on him over the years.) He isn’t someone who treats himself aside from alcohol and he doesn’t care much for luxuries — the only materialistic things that could excite him were a bike and a bazooka, and both were found by him randomly and were tools to help him in action. 

What he chooses to own, though, are high in quality. His RE4 outfit has Schott’s Classic B-3 Sheepskin Leather Bomber Jacket is $1495 USD. He also drove to Racoon City in a Jeep that he had to abandon. Being rich makes you this carefree, huh? 

He has a lot more than he can spend, therefore I believe he would happily spend it on his significant other. Leon would be the type of guy who buys something out of nowhere because it reminded him of you, or that he saw you looking at it, maybe it was a chocolate bar, or maybe some random scented candle you thought looked sick. He loves seeing you surprised and delighted, and thinking of your space having the traces of him makes him happy — makes him feel the bond is more concrete and tangible. He’s a giver, so it’s only natural he gives presents too. 

Now, receiving gifts from you is another level of joy for him. Leon wouldn’t have thought he cared much about things like that but the thought. The idea of you thinking this much of him and putting your heart into it, there’s something intimate in it that has him feeling so important. Owning things you gave him has a special place in his heart, and he will take great care of them. Maybe he still has the wrapper of some ribbon from a package in his drawer, who’s to say? It’s the carnal desire to hold onto the proof of your existence, perhaps. 

Leon has absolutely no time at all for himself, and in his days off, they keep pulling him back for some unexpected emergency. His schedule is unpredictable. In RE4, he does say “Story of my life,” when Hunnigan reminds him that he’s on duty right now after he flirts with her. Then later, he reminds her that it was them who pulled him out of furlough for this when she tells him to fall back on his Eastern Slav Republic mission. Leon rarely gets any break from bioweapon fighting and over the years, the exhaustion has taken a toll on him, the only constant is chaos in his life, he scarcely can spare any mundane moments to his acquaintances as he barely has any time for himself. 

Quality time though, as he lacks so much of it, is something he yearns for deep down. I mean, hello, the way he wanted that dinner with Claire in Infinite Darkness? He really really wanted her company, and to catch up with her. He asked Shenmei as well. It's a crime that nobody accepted his requests, someone go get dinner with him right now.

It’s because he can’t spend time with people that he wants it so badly in the first place. That’s where he is also self-destructive and it’s a double-edged sword. He seeks company of flirtations because he’s lonely, yet he won’t pursue anything serious. He’s scared of committing to someone since it won’t work due to complications and the distance, it’ll get messy. 

He even deprives himself of friendships and is unwilling to let anyone get too close. Leon is an isolationist, yet he needs people in his life to process his trauma and grief and bully him about his drinking habits but keeps denying himself the company. 

And then there’s the fear of losing that person. He doesn’t spend any time getting close to people, he treasures the companions he has, but everybody is at an arm’s length. He already reacts so negatively to the deaths of allies he barely got to know briefly — Ada messed him up real good, too. How do you think he feels imagining what he could have had with her? He wants stability and settling, but Ada is anything but that. He chases every interaction to be longer, seeks her company just for their meeting to be stretched even by minutes. Leon gets attached so easily, and he deprives himself of time with them out of being scared by it. One part of him must be comfortable in his love for her because it’ll never become a reality, because she’ll never take him up to it, he’d rather take the suffering than the happiness. 

But quality time also is so important to him because it’s in these times of ordinary domesticity that he can find normalness outside the crazy undead shit he has to deal with. It helps him recharge and he craves having this to come back to. 

He would feel so guilty about not being able to be with his significant other, he could even forget important days and miss important moments of your life and he wouldn’t even know most of the time because he’s just so occupied and in survival mode for a while after he comes back. You would have to be understanding of his situation and forgiving, too, it’s not up to him whatever he gets called in for, and because you wouldn’t know what it was, it’s a great deal of practicing patience, and that’s why it’s hard being in a relationship with Leon. Hell, it’s the base reason why couples break up; the guy is inattentive and negligent and the girl breaks it off in the end. In this scenario, zombies are involved. 

You can only get the peaceful moments inbetween with him. And it has to be enough, and believe that he hates going away as much as you do and more.    

Leon hates being praised. He dislikes being heralded as some legend for getting out of Racoon City alive and his experiences ultimately leading him to rescuing the president’s daughter only to be elevated in praise more. 

He was just at the wrong place at the right time. He got lucky, ended up trailing behind Ada who was competent at what she did and reached the root of the problem just because he happened to run into her — it wasn’t him, it was just stars aligning. Pure coincidence. 

Leon sometimes thinks he didn’t deserve making it out, but he did anyway, and now this life of his belongs to a purpose, the purpose. 

He’s just doing his job. One shouldn’t be applauded for doing their job. 

Compliments make him uncomfortable and it’s the easiest way to make him clamp up on a conversation, he’ll vehemently deny whatever it is and change the subject. It looks like Leon’s being humble (he is), but there’s a deeper reason with an underlying imposter syndrome going on in the back of his mind. He just doesn’t feel worthy some days. 

Affirmations on the other hand also don’t come easy, he’s in one of the most coldly professional fields and it’s strictly business, and he is emotionally constipated and deeply traumatized, therefore there’s a lot he doesn’t say and he doesn’t know how to say, and he is bad at telling you what he wants. He’s good at sass and banter, but ask him to tell you about his nightmares and he’ll just hug you and go back to sleep. 

Leon isn’t used to expressing affection through words either, and prefers to show it instead. You’ll know he loves you even if he doesn’t say it outright. But with his significant other, though, he’ll do his best to learn to be more affectionate with words to you to show his appreciation — just prepare for shy and awkward Leon. The soft side of him comes out this way, he’ll hesitantly ask you to stay and he’ll look so young doing it that it’ll melt your heart.   

Leon is one touch-starved poor bastard. 

Here’s the reason why: he’s a pretty lonely guy but he’d rather indulge in the warmth of a person than letting them in. Solitude is a personal preference of his, and it leads him to seeking out temporary companionship to feed this part of his. Meaningless one-night stands are a go-to of his, as they mean no deeper connection but all the skin to skin contact and the soothing heat beside him. If he’s lucky, his partner would pet his head during the deed, or caress his face, now those are the treat. 

If he could just let go and the perfect opportunity arose, he would just lie in the arms of his significant other for hours being hugged by them, enveloped in the coziness, head empty and fuzzy. Those would be the perfect naps he needed, because wow does this guy not sleep well.    

It would be a first for him to get affectionate touches coming with a friendship as well, it’s been a lifetime since he let himself be that way with someone, it’s not easy to get him to be chummy and lighthearted with you in that aspect. He’s a well-mannered guy too, so he’s the type to keep a respectable distance even when he’s being playful. Half-hugs, back pats and handshakes are the best you’re going to get as his friend, and they don’t happen often.   

The clinginess blooms well into the relationship after Leon gets comfortable with exploring that childish, neglected part of his. He would adore hugs, hand-holding, reaching out to grab you casually while sitting next to you in the confines of your private space, you would feel his love through him seeking you out for comfort voluntarily and lowering his serious exterior to be relaxed around you. His utmost weakness is you playing with his hair and tracing his face with your fingers, because he goes out like a light almost immediately.  

Leon also won't be rough with you physically while bonking so don't expect playfighting and do not hit him while joking around, he gets thrown around and hurt so much as it is (the amount of being strangled by tyrants and plagas? no, he's not into choking), and he tends to be extremely tender and sweet. Though you might discover a pretty interesting side of him if you decide to be assertive and take care of him in bed, you might just get addicted to how shy he could get.

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[darkdemeter]

WOLF AT YOUR DOOR: CAN'T LOSE YOU SO SOON

◤✘WANDA MAXIMOFF COLUMN | Wanda Maximoff x Werewolf! GN/Female/Male Reader ISSUE NO.#3

NOTES: ↳ Babbies okay, I was tearing up when writing this piece, I just have this weird love for writing shit like this. I hope you enjoy it, maybe get yourselves some tissues, and let the story come... full circle. WARNINGS! ↳ A lot of angst — hurt and hurt/comfort — bit of a backstory filler mostly — pregnant Wanda gets very emotional — depictions of trauma, grief, loss and structure destruction — usage of mates and mention of the bond's ability I think that's it? SUMMARY: ↳ You've always been a fighter. It's familiar to you, you know how to handle it. Because you had nothing to lose. Until recently. With Wanda due any moment now, it's put your fighting on the edge. So when a mission goes horribly wrong, it's decided what must be done next...

✎ 2.5k

@alexawynters @alyciaddict

↳ WANDA MAXIMOFF TAGLISTS

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She knew it would be dangerous. But that never once stopped you from facing the threat head on. Stupidly brave, and insanely headstrong. Yearning for the fight, for the chance to do the thing you always believed you were only good at. 

She had pulled you aside after the briefing for the emergency meeting, hand anxiously running over her swollen belly and eyes tearfully full. 

“Don’t.” Her one worded plea is only met with a chaste kiss to her forehead. 

“It’ll be okay. I’ll be back soon enough.”

So stupidly brave. Ignorant and brave. Rugged in your feverish itch to join the fight. Fury amongst everyone else knew she is due any day now. And still, they send you away into the arms of danger, as if you have nothing to lose.

As if she has nothing to lose. 

She watches as you turn your back to her - on her - and storm down the corridor, joining your assigned comrades to prepare for combat. She sees you join them on the quinjet and take off at lightning speed, towards the reported chaos. A threat that devastates New York, with many civilians, innocent in their parts to play, are in need of you. 

But Wanda needs you too. 

She paces around the briefing room, the projector casting the events at this current time. Her hands cup her swell, the looming pressure of anxiety claws at her insides, troubling her and her pups that have become riled in the womb. 

She does her best to soothe them to no avail. They’re able to feel the way her body is constricted in her worry. 

Worry that becomes sheer terror in the blank of an eye. The damage reminds her of Sokovia. Destruction leaves many in a state of grief and uncertainty. Her heart goes out to them, truly it does. But the tears she sheds aren’t for them.

They're for you. 

You’d become separated from your team in the midst of the chaos. The fight in which gets your blood pumping hard and a vent for the pent up rage. Cameras catch it all, your shifted form pelted from the rooftop of an eighty story building like nothing, your body flies far until your back collides into the neighbouring tower. 

However, your opponent doesn’t leave you to fall to your demise below. Not that you’d give yourself that chance, your body falling a few stories before your claws find purchase on a lucky ridge that catches you. 

Your opponent launches forward and with a cloud of dust and debris, you’re sent falling through the wall and downwards, the building collapsing in around you. 

Fury stands beside Wanda, hands pressed firm behind his back and shoulders stiff. Natasha reaches Wanda who cries out, she cries your name, prayers and pleas to not lose you so soon. 

Pain blooms in her body and she fears the stress has induced her labour. The catastrophe not only claiming you but also the life of her pups. 

The building still crumbles in, thick and towering clouds darken out the sun. 

“We’re on our way, Y/N. Hold tight. Y/N? Y/N, do you copy?” The dispatched team’s frequency seems to echo throughout the briefing room. Natasha holds Wanda tightly in her arms, cradling her sobbing body that shivers with peach painful wave consuming her body, mind and mated soul.

“Please! Please, someone, help them!” she screams until her voice is shredded and strained by grief. “Don’t leave me, Y/N! Please! Don’t leave us!”

Your teammates work hard to sift through the wreckage. People are screaming, their voices cutting through the feed. Tony, Thor and Peter begin to pull chunks of debris aside, shoving, pushing deeper into the fallen building.

Steve comes into view next to aid in the recovery; the daunting realisation that it may very well be for your body. 

Wanda’s eyes cloud with her tears, she wipes them clear only for more to blur her vision. She can’t see the feed. She doesn’t want to. But she needs to. She knew something would go awry. She felt it. Something in the bond told her to warn you, to keep you out of danger’s way, but your headstrong attitude wouldn’t allow you. 

Did you think yourself invincible? She always found you had such a complex. That you can shake whatever it is off without a hitch. All she can do is pray that they retrieve you. She cannot bear the thought of—

“We need immediate medical attention. Y/N is down, and bad. We… shit, hold on, Kid. Hang in there. Fury, send an emergency medic!” Tony’s voice is sharpened by panic. 

After another moment, Steve, Peter and Tony drag you out from the clouds of dust, your body brings a shrill cry from Wanda’s throat. She can taste the blood on her tongue. 

“I’m sorry.” That’s all Fury says. All he could say. Scarlet red glares at his turned back, shrouding over the cool green of Wanda’s hues. Natasha’s own eyes mist over with tears. Her hand presses onto Wanda’s, the panicked kicking doesn’t cease for a moment. 

Banner and Helen work in record time. The moment you were carted back to the compound, medical attention was on you. Natasha, Bucky and Loki had to hold her back, her body moving to run to you. 

Nobody answered her questions which only fuel her more with dreaded doubt of your survival.

You can’t leave her so soon. You just can’t… you were mates, you and her. She needs you. 

Your body is torn between human and wolf as the cells of your body try to recuperate from the inflicted trauma and heal your wounds. 

With gloved hands, Banner plucks the remnants of your shock collar off, a low whine escapes you. The smell of burnt flesh stings their noses. 

“This is…”

It’s been a few hours now before anyone could see you. All huddled together outside the room, Banner and Helen finally come out. Immediately they’re pounced on with questions regarding your health.

Banner, however much he wanted to address their concerns, his eyes turn to Wanda. She was the priority right now. 

“Are they dead?” The ring of her Sokovian tongue is prominent in her question that quivers unevenly. 

Banner’s head bows down, bottom teeth pulling over his top lip, he pushes the door open. 

“No. They’ve asked to see you. There were a few… complications during the procedure. Helen and I believe it may be for the best to prepare for the worst.”

Wanda would not hear anymore of it. She pushes past Banner, ignoring the tearful eyes that follow her in pity. She shuts the door behind herself, leaving you both to the near silence devices of your intertwining presences. The faint beep of the machine monitoring sounds slow with each high pitched mark of your heartbeat. 

Wanda approaches your side, your body now complacent in its human skin. A vast majority of your body is patched up with bandages and bruised skin, your face mostly stitched and also bruised. 

What concerns her amongst all these things is the thick layer of gauze wrapped around your neck.

Your eyes pry open to catch a glimpse of your visitor, your expectations confirmed when your fingers curl Wanda’s hand into your hold. 

“Mate,” you sigh softly. It’s a dead giveaway that your breath is at a near loss with how little your chest rises. 

“How could you?” she seethes, streaks of tears lining her cheeks, “you fucking— you almost left us behind!”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry. Be safe. Be loyal!” She pauses in the middle of her coiling anger. She uses her sleeve to wipe her stuffy nose and eyes. “Be with us. Stop… please, stop fighting like this. You’re not alone anymore. You have something to lose now.”

Her words take their sweet time to sink in. The fight is all you know. From a young age, you were trained to kill, to fight. To put away so many years of battle isn’t easy. Years of field trauma tend to stay well over their welcome. It becomes a dark piece in the puzzle of your soul, your identity. But she is right. You never had anything to lose before her. You could go running into a blaze of silver gunfire and not give a single thought to the outcome that was your survival. 

There once was a time that nothing had you bound to keep living. But now you do. You have a family. Your family. 

“I agree.” Wanda’s eyes find yours, a short gasp in her next breath. Your hand curls tighter. “I’m scared, Y/N…”

Your brows screw into a confused pinch. “Why?”

“Because Banner says that I have to expect the worst. That because of complications— y-you may…”

“Oh, Banner is full of shit. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you - any of you - alone.” Your hand flattens over her bump that instantly comes to life upon your touch. Wanda offers a smile, saddened by the thought that this may very well be the last time your hand graces her pregnant belly. The last time you may have on this earth with her and your pups. The lives you both created together from a night of pent up attraction. Of once denied love. 

She sidles up beside you and her arms carefully move to hold you. Perhaps for the final time. “You were so sure before the mission. I’m sorry, my love, but you can’t be so sure now either.”

You growl lowly under your breath, pulling her tight against you, disregarding the rapid climb of the monitor, the ache of your wounds and the traumatic burning ring around your neck. None of that means shit to you. 

All that matters to you is Wanda and your pups. Your family. 

“Yes I can.”

The day is lifeless without sunlight. Only grey clouds form the sky with a sprinkling of rain. Her eyes are drowned by tears, she’s been crying for days now, the decision clear and made. The pup curled to her breast, adorned in a bright yellow suit, coos in protest when her tiny nose is dotted by light droplets of rain. 

Wanda breathes through her nose, uttering a quiet apology as she then wipes her pup’s nose. 

Her eyes stare down towards the grassy plot at her feet. The stone tablet is brand new, the gilded, reflective plate etched with the honourable title and name of one who was lost. Those of the team, the Avengers, gathered together in a dark palette of mourning. 

Natasha is held tightly to Steve’s chest as she weeps. Each to their own shed their tears, their condolences for her. Wanda has grown tired of the tears. 

“Y…” She cannot even bring herself to say the name. To bring any sense of comfort. To say a few words of gratitude for the buried. 

In her weakening resolve, she feels a hand on the small of her back. Your hand. Her eyes move from the headstone to your eyes, also brimmed red with tears. 

You were stupidly strong. Not a single tear would ever leave a watery streak down the contours of your visage. Until today. 

You turn to those who you work alongside with. Your own arms cradling the other three pups. 

“Yelena Belova was an integral member of the Avengers team. She was never afraid of anything. Many times, she’s thrown herself in the fray for our sake. In fact, I believe some of us wouldn’t be here today, if not for her…”

Your eyes fall to the faces of your pups, their eyes slowly blinking up at you. You sigh heavily with the burden of your sincere words, hardened by the loss, hardened by the resolve that Natasha lost someone dear to her. 

Yelena had saved you countless times. Watched your back when you couldn’t watch it yourself. You doubt yourself among the living had she’d never done so. She’s the reason you’re still alive. The reason you have a family. 

“We will honour Yelena’s legacy and memory. She will always be a part of this team. A part of us. Forever.” 

The final pup whines, kicking her little legs about as you lower her into the makeshift nest. You’d been kept busy, using what materials you could to create a crib big enough for your four pups, then padding it beyond the realm of comfort. She snuggles into her siblings, each of them looping their legs or arms around one another. 

You huff quietly, nose nuzzling each of them in a bid of good night, their soft coos assuring you they are safe and well in their slumber. “We can’t stay here anymore. I cannot bear the thought of burying you too soon.”

“I know, Mate,” you agree, tone heavy in your post-grief. You walk to her and sit alongside the edge of the bed. After the funeral and tending to the pups, Wanda showered quickly and dressed down into one of your large shirts, even being clean, it smelt of you. 

A comfort she thought would be the only thing she’d have left of you. 

“You mean far too much to me. The thought of losing you, I just— I can’t—”

“I know.”

You pull yourself towards her now and pull her into your front. Still her eyes are glassy. Truly, you’ve pushed her beyond her breaking point and it saddens you deeply that you allowed your bravery and hotheadedness to blind you to the bond. 

You felt it too. The remnants of Mother Nature yourself, a connection you’d long forgotten, tugged at you with staggering might. A warning that you were in great danger. You had blatantly ignored it. 

You threatened the tie of the bond with your stupidity. And now you have to pay the price for it. That’s why you decided together what was best for your family. 

“It’s a place called Sanctuary. An… old reserve. Deep in a valley far away from all this. We can settle there, build there. Together.”

Her hand is delicate against the line of your jaw, her plump lips meet yours in a soft kiss. You purr softly and cradle the nape of her neck, deepening the kiss. 

When you finally pull away from her lips, you grace her with a tender smile, eyes filled with love. Pure adoration and love. A sight she never thought she’d see grace your haunted gaze. 

“And… this can be our first step.”

Your hand fumbles around for a moment until you finally succeed in retrieving whatever it was you’re searching for. Wanda’s eyes shift down as gold slides over the slender bend of her finger. Her mouth falls agape and she turns her eyes back to you. 

“Marry me?”

Your fingers run over the scarring. The ring of skin around your neck is still marred in its process to heal. For how much longer is undetermined but the pain tied to it left you no choice but to resign yourself to the wilds of home. 

Your reflection in the picture frame casts a glaring glimpse of the fight you’ve now retired from. You’ve far too much to lose now. Loneliness once allowed you to be so reckless. But not anymore. 

In that picture frame is the reflection of someone who did the right thing for their family. Someone who resigned from the fight they once danced so well before it claimed their life. Before it robbed you and Wanda of being an ‘us’.

[fumifooms]

Marchil crumbs masterpost

Because I can and I will. Someone already made a tiny one way back but I lost it idk if it was here or on reddit… And we’re so small that we have no tag… I can’t credit you sorry marchil warrior you are not forgotten. I’ll definitely updating this whenever I find a new crumb. We’ve already reached the 30 pics cap part 2 coming soon. They do interact a ton I suppose. As always it’s not because I put moments on here that I’m saying they’re inherently romantic blablabla.

Part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7

My vision: Unstoppable force vs immovable object. Corrupt (money) bitter divorcee and corrupt (magic) hopeless romantic. Emotional constipation vs emotional intelligence. Streets savvy vs prestigious academic. Girl with the longest lifespan possible who has trauma over loss x guy with the shortest lifespan who has trauma over past romance. They would take their romantic interest to the fricking grave.  Halfling vs elf. Emotionally distant vs clingy and needy… Not that Chilchuck doesn’t seek her attention plenty ngl. By all means they are so incompatible and yet their dynamic is so delightful, opposites certainly do attract if Kui’s to be believed because these two constantly drift towards each other.

To me they're the embodiment of "If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known". Oh actually that'd apply to Laios and Dunmeshi as a whole as well-

She’s his worst nightmare. Opening up to someone?? The audacity to ask that of him. She raises his blood pressure to dangerous levels. He would risk his life for her.

—

HIS WORST NIGHTMARE (what he needs). She's classified as a friend who won’t shut up btw Notice how on the dating sim chapter cover, the clicky hand is always on the choice he ended up choosing in canon except for two, Falin’s and Marcille’s. Meaning he may have hesitated on it, on telling her she was pretty? She’s front and center~

It’s notable that Marcille is the main victim of his teasing, he criticizes Laios and everyone plenty but teasing is done much more towards her than anyone else, and we can see that it is something he enjoys. Perhaps one of the things that put him in a good mood the most, besides alcohol and laughing at others in general lol. Here’s a post compiling a lot of that teasing: link

He often confronts her about things and teases/insults her but it's always without any real animosity, sometimes having problems with her actions but never disliking her.

She craves his approval? More likely than you think.

Chilchuck having a sparkly flustered Marcille on his mind and failing to pull her ponytail so she'd give him her attention the right way, then being devastated when she claps back lol. For as much as he teases her, she’s very much able to stand up for herself when it goes too far and to challenge him on some flaws he may have.

Marcille’s canon shapeshifter of Chilchuck is the most convincing one/last one standing! In which he was nicer because Marcille still had some trouble not seeing him as young and thus innocent. Which besides the whole age thing, her having an accurate but nicer version of Chilchuck in her mind is pretty flattering lol

In the earlier chapters they stick by each other the most, often sharing knowing glances and judging the other together. They share this complicity and "wow finally someone sane in this party" energy that none of the others have in quite that way. Comrades in disgust.

-----

He cannot escape her gossip, she will not rest until she knows all and has met his family and romanticized his life and relationships. She’s the one who pushes Chilchuck to be more open about himself the most. Which, we do also see her being jealous when Chilchuck opens up more to others instead of her, like pic below. Moreover, we see that she’s able to read him like a book to the point that it freaks him out!! Oh the horror of being known… Relationship goals, freak him out bc you understand him so well Oh can I just point out as well that they're the only ones who saw each other's succubus. Like wow knowing each other's most alluring form? Dayum

When doing her theory about what happened between him and his wife, the pictures where her roleplaying as his wife, like literally with her being a half-foot like in the changeling chapters and the mini chilchuck for a baby lmaooo. Which I just now realized that means Marcille’s question about if his wife has blonde hair is valid, we technically don’t know if he already liked blondes or if it’s an acquired taste. Give me a sec to recover from that-

But yeah Marcille is so people-obsessed that she catalogues every little detail about someone, like how Chilchuck complains when he has to wait after someone… She notices things and takes them in stride even if they’re flaws. (In first page, it's the bottom row middle panel)

She wanted to sleep in his bed when Izutsumi was being clingy and she didn't want to sleep alone <3

Here he goes to her to either help her stay upright or comfort her… Uncharacteristic of him but very sweet. What are you gonna do if she collapses on you big guy, collapse along in a show of solidarity?

He's been shown to make sure Marcille stays safe a few times as well, like below. No I will not accept "she's the healer of the party" as a full explanation. He really does get an arc, from not wanting to be anywhere near the battlefield to sticking by his party members. Unlike Laios, Senshi and Izutsumi they both tend to hang in the back in battles, I love how they often strategize together as well.

The reverse is also sometimes true. Especially with how non-shy Marcille is with physical contact, interestingly she's way less delicate about saving others than him lol.

He’s the only one shown to flinch when she makes a noisein the bath which leads me to think he’s the one most flustered by the whole Marcille changing and bathing close by thing, it prob doesn’t help that he has great hearing but yeah, he seems to be hyperaware of her presence in those instances and overreacts.

"Come with me and braid my hair every day!" Meanwhile Chilchuck is fighting for his life holding her at an arm’s length

I can’t believe this is on his ADVENTURER’S BIBLE DESCRIPTION like that thing is one big paragraph about his whole character and you allotted that important limited space for this. Kui do you hear yourself

Part 2 here

[modelbus]

YOOOO MODDLEE

yeah I did it again.

(Help I have a problem of disappearing into thin air)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PART THREE OF CUT CHAOS SHEBSJNSUH

you said you would write 500 chapters.. but like obviously exaggerating..? (Kiddinggg)

tho a few more couldn’t hurt..

juuuust saying if you ever feel like it I will eventually see it and it will eventually make my week. <3333

BUT THATS NOT WHY WE ARE HERE! (I’m sorry my requests are always so long and dramatic bro I just brain like that)

Actual request:

ok so like I knowww cut chaos started from rumours but like rumours are an easy way to start plot lines k? (Also I use she pronouns out of habit but they is pog too)

the friends in question: Tommyinnit (duh), Wilbur (moosic boi), Ranboo (generation loss trauma guy), Possibly Slimecicle?? I know he’s not someone you do requests for normally buttt if you’re okay with it that would be POG, or if slime is a no, tubbo!

SO a few months ago Y/N started working on an SMP with some minimal custom mods, some fancy texture packs, maybe some data packs, and its like this BIGGG project, BUT its not public and its taking a lot of her time, so she can only really do a few streams and most of the time because her schedule is so full its hard to work out streams with friends so, she is alone. with the internet being the internet people started to think something was up, some annoyed viewers made a few rumours and people kept making things up and escalating things until people were saying she did all sorts of horrible things to “lose all her friends” but one of the most popular theories was that she was emotionally abusing them (??? Internet wildin ig) she ignored them while mostly finishing the stuff for the smp, but decided to address it in a very- y/n way. Getting four friends to come to her house and hide slightly off camera while she made a purposefully bad apology video only for them to jump out at the end and her to stand up and be like “YALL REALLY THOUGHT I WAS SOME MASTER MANIPULATOR?! I’M JUST A FUNKY LITTLE CHAOTIC MINECRAFT GOBLIN N’ I’VE BEEN WORKING ON AN SMP THIS WHOLE TIME!! ITS GONNA BE SUPER COOL AND THESE FOUR PLUS ALOOOOT MORE PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE THERE I’M POSTING THE CREATORS SOON AND ITS LAUNCHING IN A MONTH!, SO STOP ASSUMING I’M A BAD PERSON AND GET PUMPED BITCHES!” something along those lines, maybe at the end a little peek at what people are responding with. (Obviously no pressure, but like id be cool) (thanks for considering deity of the busses and models.)

HOW WE LIKING THE SILLIES?!?

P.S I’m not always an angst gremlin (just most of the time..) - ✨🌌🌙 Annon

I DO BE LIKING THE SILLIES (and thank you for elevating me to the level of deity, my ego has been inflated)

Pairing: Cc! Wilbur, Tommy, Ranboo, Charlie Slimecicle x Gn!Reader (platonic)

Roaring Rumors

Life was all about sacrifices.

Or, that’s what you keep telling yourself when you’re up at 1AM working on your server. Putting together an SMP is harder than it sounds; texture packs, data packs, comparability, world-building, even the (seemingly) simply act of contacting people to play on it. For the amount of time you spent on your computer, your hands might as well be part of your keyboard.

Sleep wasn’t the only thing you sacrificed. Streaming, even just fun ones with your friends, had quickly became rare. Although you loved to hop on a call while coding still, your online presence had severely receded.

You just keep telling yourself that sacrifices are necessary. That the payoff would be worth it.

And it really would be, but you just had to get there first. Which was proving harder than you had thought.

At the very least, you still had your friends. Wilbur sitting silently on call with you while you work, Tommy dragging you out of your room, Ranboo always willing to get excited over your progress. Every day you woke up with a text from your groupchat—typically Charlie—just filling you in on the latest internet trend by a meme.

Today, your news comes from Wilbur and Tommy.

“I think they’re canceling you.” Wilbur says casually while you’re in the midst of detailing the hunger bar for a texture pack.

“Ooh, you’re a wrong’un!” Tommy yells in the background of Wilbur’s side of the call.

The three of you had been idly chatting while each doing your own thing. Wilbur and Tommy were engaged in some Twitter competition, as far as you know.

“Canceling me for what?” You ask, deciding to ignore Tommy’s shouting.

“Existing, I think.” Wilbur answers.

“So the normal.”

“The normal.”

Although the conversation stops there, you can’t help yourself. Later, during one of the few hours you dedicate to getting sleep to stay alive, you pull open Twitter on your phone. Your last tweet was nearly two weeks ago, so it’s been a minute.

But you just want to make sure nothing horrible happened while you were busy. You’re a content creator, this is normal. Definitely. You definitely aren’t just justifying this so you can do it.

You swipe through tweets, heading to trending and searching your name. Tweets load, making your mouth run dry. Wilbur wasn’t joking.

All you can do is scroll, reading as the messages get wilder and wilder. From people saying they were missing you to theories on why nobody was streaming you. Each one seemed considerably more implausible, and before you know it you’re glaring at your screen like it’s to fault.

Some thought you had grown apart.

Some thought you had a falling out.

And, apparently, a lot thought you were emotionally abusing them. Or, depending on the tweet, manipulating them.

Quite honestly, you didn’t even know how they got the idea. The long threads of explanations did nothing but send you into a spiral, biting your bottom lip so hard that it bleeds.

You were so close to finishing the SMP. It needed just a few things, then you'd be able to start scheduling to get it up and running. You didn't have the time nor mental capacity to deal with whatever the fuck is going on right now.

Is it a good choice? Maybe not. But do you still ignore the accusations? Hell yes.

-

By the time you get even closer to finishing the preparations for your SMP, you've come up with the perfect plan to address the (quite stupid) rumors. It'll be a two-in-one; you address the rumors and announce the SMP at the same time.

"How long do I have to lay on this floor?" Tommy asks, stretched out behind your chair.

"Nobody asked you to lay on the floor." Wilbur points out, standing next to your computer. Charlie, on the other side, laughs.

"Yeah man, you wanted to be down there."

"Besides, I'm doing great down here!" Ranboo chimes in.

You roll your eyes, grinning. "I'm about to start stream, so it won't be for much longer. Just wait for my cue, yeah?"

Tommy grumbles, but shuts up. You take that as your chance to start the stream, switching it off your waiting screen and waving to the camera. Your chosen stream title has brought in a bit more than your usual casual steam view number, "Talking about some serious stuff," leading people to believe there will be drama. And if it's drama they want, it's drama you'll give.

"Hello, hello!" You smile, leaning back. "So I've decided to talk about some things. Namely, the Twitter shit. I am so sorry for everything, and I mean that. A lot. Sincerely. There's meaning in it."

Tommy snorts, and from the corner of your eye you catch Wilbur kick him to shut him up.

"What am I sorry about?" You ask rhetorically, acting like you read it off of chat. "Oh, you know. People have been saying all types of stuff. The things about me manipulating my friends?" There's a pause while you let that sink in. "So, I'm sorry."

It's a purposefully shitty apology, but you sigh and act like its heartfelt for a few moments, nodding towards chat. Their messages are mostly confused, especially because it isn't one emote-only.

"Sorry you guys are so gullible!" You shout, and Tommy practically tackles you.

Wilbur's the one to fix your chair, Ranboo and Charlie appearing next to you within moments.

"You guys really thought this one could manipulate me? The master?" Charlie asks the stream, pointing at you.

"Yeah!" Tommy shouts, way too energetic for someone who complained five minutes ago about being on the floor. "We're the master manipulators! Get fooled!"

"I, for one, haven't manipulated anyone-" Ranboo starts, but Tommy slaps a hand over his mouth and nods empathetically.

"Yeah, I don't know what you guys were thinking, but I've just been playing fucking Minecraft for the past few months nonstop." You laugh.

"Nonstop. It's a problem." Wilbur nods.

"It is not a problem!" Pause. "Anyways, I made an SMP! And that's where I've been! Not because I've been manipulating my friends or some shit, stop being dumbasses."

"It'll be super cool!" Ranboo adds in helpfully.

"These four-"

"That's us!" Charlie points around at himself, Wilbur, Tommy, and Ranboo.

"-will be on it, plus a lot more. It'll be posting those people soon! As in, check your Twitter obsessively guys! The SMP will be in about a month, too, so get fucking excited! I want to see some hype!"

"WOO!" Tommy screams, making everyone cringe at having their eardrums ruptured.

"So that's all I wanted to talk about I think. Anything to add, guys?" You glance around at the four surrounding you with a grin.

"One thing." Charlie nods, leaning in really close. "I have a secret. This SMP, it's actually-" He hits your end stream button mid-sentence. "And that's how you keep 'em interested."

-

Ycgmaenthusist NEW SMP NEW SMP NEW SMP NEW SMP

Mammalianeighingreflecenthusiest We are dumb as fuck aren’t we

Poabsenthusiest i will RIOT IN THE STREETS if any of yall be mean to MY STREAMER -> Cmwylenthusist FR I GOT TWO FISTS AND A CAUSE

[injuryprompts]

how would you go about treating a sword through the abdomen?

Heyyy, I am so sorry for the long response time! I would not be surprised if you've forgotten about sending this in the first place.

To answer your question it's important to know if the sword is a through and through or not. Because you said "through" i'm going to treat it as such.

Then it's important to know if 911 is available. Because most sword wounds happened pre-emergency services, i'm going to write it like you'd 100% treat it yourself. Otherwise step 1 would be: call 911.

IF ANYTHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS IRL, ALWAYS CALL THE EMERGENCY NUMBER AND DO AS THEY SAY. THIS IS FOR FICTIONAL USE ONLY.

Now for the treatment of a stab wound to the gut:

First and foremost, DO NOT PULL OUT THE SWORD until you're ready to deal with the bleeding.

Step 1: Make the stabbed person lay down. Because the stab wound is probably front to back, make them lay on their side. This reduces the risk of falling after the adrenaline stops. Which could cause more damage, think head trauma, or disturbing the sword making the wound worse.

Step 2: Remove the clothing around the wound. This gives better access to assess the damage done and get a clear working area.

Step 3: Put on gloves. Easy to forget, but it lessens the chance of infection in the wound. If you can't at least wash them as thoroughly as possible.

Step 4: Prevent bleeding. Severe blood loss will cause shock or worse death. So any blood that can stay inside, should stay inside. If the sword hit a (major) artery the person could die within a minute when the sword is pulled out. WHICH IS WHY YOU LEAVE IT IN FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.

Arterial Bleeding: The blood will be SPURTING out. It will be a bright red color.

Venous Bleeding: The blood will be oozing out. The blood will be a darker color.

Capillary Bleeding: The blood will slowly come out. It will eventually stop on its own.

To prevent bleeding, apply pressure. You can still apply pressure when the sword is still through the body. Just put pressure around the blade from both sides. and since the knife went through. pressure on 4 sides basically. Be careful not to move the blade too much as you do this.

Chest wounds should be sealed with a credit card/plastic bag/duct tape etc, that sticks on 3 sides, leaving it so air can go out but it cant go in. This helps prevent a collapsed lung.

Step 5: Remove the sword. Get ready to put real pressure on it as soon as the blade is pulled out, because it will probably start gushing. If its not that bad, you can wait until it stops. If not, the wound will need to be sealed/stitched. Now the abdomen has a lot of nasty things called organs in it. Lets hope we missed all of those, because if not, intestine contents can do horrible things to the rest of your body.

Close the Wound Under These Circumstances:

The wound is large and refuses to stop bleeding

The wound penetrated through the entire skin (you’d be able to see underlying tissues)

The wound has been open for less than 6 hours

The wound is over a joint or moving part of the body and won’t close by itself

The wound is gaping open and won’t be able to close without your intervention

You close a wound only when it's dry, preferably with butterfly bandages or adhesive tape, (sutures only by profesionals or in dire circumstances). Or if you want to go for dramatic, cauterization as absolute last resort.

Open or closed, it's now time to cover the wound. You should first use any form of antibacterial treatment, preferably conventional medicine, but if you don't have that, use honey. Its antibacterial too. Then you can cover the wound with a bandage, make sure to change it every so often for a clean one. Every 12 to 24 hours.

Open wounds should be covered by wet dressing. Closed with dry. Make sure to pack around the puncture wound. If you can't find sterile bandages you can boil rags before using them.

ENDING THIS WITH: I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. ONLY USE THIS INFORMATION FOR FICTIONAL PURPOSES. IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A SITUATION PLEASE CALL YOUR LOCAL EMERGENCY NUMBER. THEY WILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

The Eighth Sense e5 & e6: portraying trauma with nuance

Episodes 5 and 6 of The Eighth Sense have really blown up a discourse bomb in tumblr’s BL scene. I had been putting off watching these episodes because I had gathered that episode 6 ended with something pretty distressing, and stuff like that sometimes hits me pretty hard, especially when it’s left as a cliffhanger. But I was already tempted to rip off the band-aid and watch it anyway, and then everyone has been debating aspects of these episodes. So I just had to see what all the discussion was about and figure out my own take on it.

In case it’s not obvious, the following will have spoilers for the series up to and including episode 6. I have a lot to say about this, because it touches on subjects that have been a major focus for me in my personal life, in my previous work as a trainee therapist, and in my research and writing. But I want this to be a manageable read, so I’m going to put things in bullet form when I can to keep them brief and organized and I’m going to make some section headings to help with skimming or skipping around. But before I launch into the rest, there’s one thing I should get out of the way: I don’t think any part of episodes 5 or 6 are a hallucination, a dream, or otherwise did not occur. I do think that there are aspects of the way the show portrays certain things that indicate dissociation and/or an acute trauma response. I’ll talk more about that below. (Hey, @waitmyturtles, this is the epic TES post I’ve been writing off and on for two days! I hope it’s of interest.)

Here are the section headings I’ll use below, to give a sense of what I’m going to talk about:

Conceptualizing Jae Won: Or, what I think is happening with him

Jae Won’s therapist - comments and interpretations

Jae Won’s therapist - medication management

Human beings’ amazing capacity for self-blame

Interpreting show production choices psychologically

Are the creators of The Eighth Sense going to pull a “who shot JR?” move?

Conceptualizing Jae Won: Or, what I think is happening with him

We don’t know how his younger brother died, but we know that he died in front of Jae Won when they were together, and it’s clear that he blames himself. I would be shocked if he was actually at fault even a little bit. But it does appear to have happened “on his watch” in a sense that lends itself to blaming himself. This is a huge issue, one that I’ll discuss in more detail later on.

Even before his brother’s death, Jae Won was clearly under a ton of pressure from his parents. And his father appears to be emotionally and, almost certainly, physically abusive. This is also far more likely to have pre-dated his brother’s death than to have only developed afterward.

In addition to pressure and abuse, I think it’s pretty clear that Jae Won was a parentified child. This means that he was put in a position of having to take care of his parents’ emotional needs as a child. This kind of role reversal has profound effects throughout the parentified person’s life. 

Jae Won’s self-blame about his brother’s death means he was always going to be predisposed to stay stuck in the chronic version of the acute trauma response instead of moving through the natural healing process. In other words, he was almost certain to develop PTSD.

This is less clearly shown in the show, but my impression is that Jae Won has a deep-seated depressive tendency that existed before the loss of his brother. This would make sense for someone who faced the family-of-origin difficulties that he did. 

When he did develop PTSD, as I have no doubt he did, Jae Won’s existing challenges were going to make him even more likely to develop the depressive symptoms of PTSD than others. We’ve seen some of these in the show already:

feeling alienated from others, unable to form meaningful connections with them,

anhedonia (an inability to feel positive emotions), and

negative beliefs about himself, other people, and the world.

All of this is happening at once. He’s dealing with PTSD, but he also still has all the same habits and beliefs he had before due to the parentification and training in people-pleasing, so he’s supposed to bottle up all of this pain. And if it’s his fault (in his mind) that his brother died, how much more does he owe his parents than he ever did before? This is a distorted, unhealthy way of thinking about all of it, but these kinds of maladaptive thoughts and expectations happen all the time with trauma survivors.

Jae Won’s therapist really sums all of this up very well when she says, “All your worries, not doing what you want to do because you do not want to let your parents down, and trying hard to be a good person to everyone because you do not want to disappoint others. Don’t you think it might be all because of your younger brother? Your younger brother, who got into an accident while with you. Your younger brother, who you couldn’t protect. And you are struggling to live your life for him as well.” 

Jae Won’s therapist - comments and interpretations

I went into this series feeling nervous about its portrayal of therapy. I was very excited that therapy was being portrayed at all, mind you! It’s horrifying how seldom we see therapy mentioned as an option, much less shown, either in BLs or kdramas, and I’ve hoped for this to change for a long time now. But therapy  is shown in an inaccurate way so often in media. And often, we see therapists and other mental health professionals breaking ethical rules. So I was on my guard, big time.

There’s one thing I really take issue with about Jae Won’s therapist, and it’s somewhat of a small thing: her office is way, way too dark! I just don’t think that kind of low lighting, with a lot of the illumination coming from her aquarium and other tinted light sources, is professional or conducive to therapy work. Of course, it’s obvious that her office is lit in this way because it looks cool and sets a certain mood for the show. And that’s fine. It’s a very stylized show in a lot of ways. But it makes me a little tweaky to watch it. 

Some of the things she does in the therapy space with Jae Won are a bit open to interpretation, and could be debated. But I view her in a fairly charitable light, and I found that a favorable interpretation wasn’t difficult to justify at all. I ended up viewing her (so far, at least) as a very skillful and effective therapist.

I loved it when she joked, in the first scene after the credits for episode 1, “For God’s sake! Just tell me what your worries are!” Jae Won isn’t great at sharing. He’s been trained from early childhood not to show his messy, vulnerable emotions around authority figures. Jae Won is not an easy client by any stretch, so she may have been showing a mild version of some real frustration with him when she began that comment with mock-hostility. But he seems really sensitive to criticism, real or perceived. Coming at him directly about this could be risky. Using humor is a good way to get around this sensitivity pretty effectively. It’s worth noting, though, that I wouldn’t endorse this kind of move by a therapist unless they knew a client very well and had built a solid rapport with them.

The comment I quoted above (”Don’t you think it might be all because of your younger brother?”) connects so many of Jae Won’s interpersonal difficulties to the loss of his brother in a skillful way. It was very astute and well-put. But there are some things I would quibble with about it.

First, I’m kind of surprised that she is only saying this explicitly this far into therapy with Jae Won. It seems rather late to make such an observation considering this constellation of issues has, without a doubt, been in place the entire time they’ve been working together. This could definitely have been done sooner.

At the same time, paradoxically, it’s delivered abruptly, as if she blurted it out too soon. Actually, the abruptness comes from the fact that there’s not sufficient lead-up to the comment in their discussion beforehand.

Though the show’s treatment of mental health is strong overall, I think this part of this scene suffered from flawed writing. If I had written this scene, I would have made a change that I think would have resolved both of these issues. Instead of introducing this insight as if the therapist has just voiced it for the first time, I would have presented it as something she and Jae Won have touched on together more than once during their work together. Anyone who’s been to therapy knows that the same ideas, which appear as shocking revelations at first, often have to be returned to many times and worked through before we can benefit from them. She could have said something like, “This is that issue we’ve talked about before, right? It seems like another case of your beliefs about your brother’s death causing trouble in other areas of your life.”

Even better, she could have been shown quoting some kind of metaphor or shorthand Jae Won came up with himself when they’d spoken about this previously. For example, I had a client once who used to talk about metaphorically carrying around a giant, heavy book where he wrote down all of his failures. He described it in a similar way to “the catalog of mistakes” (I’m not going to share his actual wording, of course). Whenever I would use his wording, saying “the catalog of mistakes” or even “the catalog,” all of our prior discussion of that issue came into both our minds immediately. It also served as a reminder of our rapport and the importance I placed on his perspective.

Jae Won’s therapist - medication management

There’s one other area of Jae Won’s interactions with his therapist that is a bit hard to interpret. The exchange he has with his therapist about the amount of medication she’ll prescribe to him certainly seems important, but it’s hard to tell what exactly it means.

One thing that complicates this is the fact that he is receiving therapy and medication management services from the same provider. In other words, she seems to be a psychiatrist who provides therapy services. In most parts of the United States, this is rare (though that wasn’t always the case). I haven’t been able to tell whether this is more commonplace in South Korea.

Because she’s a prescriber and a therapist, asking for three weeks’ worth of medication instead of two also means waiting longer before having another therapy session. Maybe Jae Won really is just busy and trying to cut down on demands on his time, but this doesn’t seem too likely. It’s also possible that he’s seeking a greater quantity of his medication for some purpose, such as abusing it or using it for self-harm or to end his life. But he also could just be trying to put off his next therapy session to a later date because of his difficulty talking about vulnerable topics, something he demonstrates at multiple points in his therapy session. Similarly, when his therapist says she can extend his prescription to three weeks but not a month, because, as she puts it, “I need to do my job,” this could be in reference to the medication or her therapy work. Part of her job is keeping him from having access to too large an amount of medication at once, while another part is having therapy sessions with him (that are frequent enough to be useful). It’s hard to tell which of the two she was referring to, or whether it could be something else entirely. So I don’t think there’s one clearly correct interpretation here. But I do think we should be attentive to the possibility that he might be medication-seeking, possibly with the aim of using the medication for self-harm.

Human beings’ amazing capacity for self-blame

Even if you have experienced trauma or have been close to someone who has, unless you’ve spent time with a sizable sample of trauma survivors, it’s hard to understand just how readily people blame themselves for traumatic experiences. I had had personal experience with this as a survivor of intimate partner violence before I ever did any training in trauma therapy, but I was still totally floored when I observed firsthand just how often this happens and how unjustifiable every single instance of self-blame I encountered in clients turned out to be.

This is actually a big area for me as a researcher so I’m going to try not to go off on a massive tangent, but I think this is important. When we experience trauma, one of the most frequent responses people have is to blame themselves. I used to describe this to clients as a “deal with the devil.” Blaming ourselves allows us to feel like we have control over whether such things will happen to us (and/or those we care about) in the future. If we tell ourselves, “the trauma only happened to me because I did something bad, or something wrong,” then we can also tell ourselves, “but I’ll never do the bad or wrong thing again so from now on I’ll be safe.”

It’s very tempting to make this bargain, but it is an extremely bad deal. Self-blame is one of the biggest reasons some people get stuck in their acute trauma response instead of completing the healing process, resulting in PTSD. That feeling of control isn’t worth that. But human beings are so tempted to make this trade. When I was doing trauma therapy as a trainee, I saw example after example of folks who did seriously remarkable amounts of mental gymnastics in order to justify blaming themselves for their trauma.  I’m going to talk briefly now about a client I had many years ago, without giving any details that could be remotely identifying. This person had witnessed the death of a close friend when they were in combat together. I did prolonged exposure therapy with this person, meaning he had to tell me the story of his friend’s death again and again and again. When we do this type of work, it usually seems at first like the client is telling the exact same story again and again without any real change. But little changes crop up gradually and accumulate and after a while, you find the story has made big shifts. And occasionally, a big change happens.

This client started out telling his story in a way that looked for every possible reason his friend’s death could have been his fault. And wow, was he ever grasping at straws. It was almost as if he had said something as nonsensical as “I had oatmeal for breakfast that day and maybe that’s why my friend died.” Every miniscule decision he had made that day could, in his eyes, potentially have caused his friend’s death in some mysterious and imperceptible way. It would have been absurd had it not been so sad. But thankfully, as we continued the exposure work, his story gradually changed and these justifications for self-blame started to fall away a little at a time.

Then, one day, a crucial detail was added to the story that blew me away. After weeks of telling the story in the usual way, my client mentioned for the first time that just before his friend was hit, he had called out a warning to him, which the friend had ignored. He’d mentioned countless ways he might be to blame--none of them remotely justified--but had never told me about the one very clear way in which he had tried to prevent his friend’s death. When I pointed this out, my client was shocked that he had never mentioned that detail before. We spent a lot of time unpacking what all of this meant. It was the single biggest turning point in his therapy. So, yeah. People have an amazing capacity for figuring out even the slimmest of pretexts for self-blame, and it’s abundantly clear that Jae Won is exercising that capacity big time. I’m pretty certain we’ll find out that he has been blaming himself a lot for what happened while having no real justification for doing so.

(Side note: I have tons more thoughts about trauma, self-blame, victim-blaming more generally, and other related psychological constructs--these are all longstanding research interests of mine--but I’m going to stop here because this thing is already ridiculously long. But if anyone reading this ever wants to discuss any of this further, please feel free to hit me up! I love talking about these things.)

Interpreting show production choices psychologically

Let’s review where we find Jae Won toward the beginning of the show. I’ve talked about how Jae Won had a lot of psychological difficulties before the story started. His family of origin situation was damaging even before he lost his brother, and then he had to contend with trauma and complicated grief. After that, he went through a breakup (possibly due to his partner cheating on him), completed his military service, and then had to make the transition back to civilian life, which isn’t easy under the best of circumstances.

And then he meets Ji Hyun, and his feelings for him unsettle the precarious set of strategies that he’s been using to get by. Ji Hyun makes Jae Won feel tempted to let his guard down and be himself. He places a degree of trust in Jae Won that challenges his cynicism and makes him feel tempted to trust Ji Hyun in return--to trust him to an extent that would normally be out of the question for him. Ji Hyun shakes things up, and while this is mostly a very positive thing--there are a lot of things in Jae Won’s life that urgently need to change--it’s also rather destabilizing in the short term. 

Then the shit starts to hit the fan when Jae Won wakes up after staying out late drinking to hear his father pounding on his door. And the makers of the show start to play around with cinematography, editing, sound design, and other aspects of the show’s production to evoke Jae Won’s inner experience. After his dad pounds on his door, the way the show is shot and edited changes.

This disjointed editing and other distortions of typical filmmaking at this point in episode 5 have reminded some folks on here of a dissociative state, and I can see why. I would agree that it has a dissociative flavor. There are two prominent types of dissociation (which can happen simultaneously):

derealization, a feeling that the world around us isn’t real--it may feel empty, strange, or just plain wrong; and

depersonalization, in which we feel like we’re seeing ourselves from the outside, as if the person we’re observing isn’t us.

It’s tricky to talk about either of these in the context of tv/film because as viewers watching a fictional story unfold in a TV show, we are by definition:

perceiving that the world the characters inhabit doesn’t seem real, because it isn’t

looking at the characters from the outside, because they aren’t us (and they aren’t real)

But there are conventions of film and tv production that give us a sense of realism and of seeing things from characters’ points of view, and when Jae Won is dissociating we see those conventions get suspended or distorted. For example:

Conventional editing creates a flow of time that feels realistic (partly because we learn the “language” of film from a young age and interpret it that way). At important moments in The Eighth Sense, the editing breaks the rules of conventional editing, often messing with the viewers’ sense of time. Contexts change abruptly, as when Jae Won suddenly goes from being at home to being in his car. At other points, dialogue also goes out of sync.

Shot-reverse shot techniques help to approximate seeing things from the characters’ perspectives, situating us in the story so that we don’t feel like we’re observing from a distance. The most notable moment when this rule is broken happens when Jae Won is upset about his camera being damaged. We see him telling someone between sobs that the camera was a gift from his younger brother, but that person (assumably his dad) isn’t shown at all--not even a shoulder or the back of a head.

There’s also a lot of use of shallow depth of field (something the show uses in other ways as well), putting Jae Won in focus while his surroundings become a blur, making the world around him look hazy and unreal.

The sequence where Ji Hyun and Jae Won kiss in the ocean puts their dialogue way out of sync. On my first viewing, this just seemed like an interesting choice, one that gave the scene a sort of dreamlike quality. I’ve seen this strategy used before, as well, without any reference to mental illness, usually in art films. The first example that came to mind for me was from a Godard movie. It would be a valid option regardless of mental health-related content in a show. But after what immediately follows, I think that scene is portraying a trauma memory. Sometimes benign events that happened just before something traumatic become encoded with trauma memories rather than our usual type. (To put it briefly, trauma memories are encoded and stored in a different part of the brain from our everyday memories, and this is why they “behave” differently and have a different sensory quality from typical memories. Trauma recovery often involves some degree of re-encoding these memories in a more normal manner.)

Basically, the show sometimes puts the viewer into an approximation of a derealized and depersonalized state, particularly relative to what we’re used to as TV watchers. At other points, it shows characters’ experiences as if they were traumatic memories.

Are the creators of The Eighth Sense going to pull a “who shot JR?” move?

All this being said, I think that Jae Won’s dissociative moments, while very concerning and doubtless extremely distressing for him, do not point toward any sort of severe dissociative disorder like Dissociative Identity Disorder, nor do they make me concerned that his reality-testing (his ability to effectively distinguish what is and isn’t real) is impaired. I also don’t see any signs of cognitive impairment that would create a similar degree of confusion about reality. As a result, I don’t think the show’s use of signs of dissociation suggests that entire sections of the story will later be shown not to have happened.

Here’s the thing about dissociation. On paper, it sounds like an extreme symptom that approaches the kind of severe mental illness that includes symptoms like hallucinations and delusions. But the vast majority of the time, it’s very different from psychosis. And it’s also, in my opinion, more of a spectrum than we care to acknowledge most of the time. When we look at it that way, we can see that in a sense, Jae Won is at least a tiny bit dissociated a whole lot of the time. But frankly, so am I. It’s not uncommon for trauma survivors. It’s very different from something that would result in impaired reality-testing.

It’s possible that the show will end up revealing that Jae Won’s mental illness has resulted in him imagining entire segments of the show. These types of symptoms are often portrayed in media, for a couple of reasons: 1) people just find psychosis fascinating, and 2) these types of symptoms are very handy for creating plot twists and other interesting narrative devices. It’s not hard to think of examples of this. Fight Club, Black Swan, Shutter Island...the list goes on and on. But these portrayals are almost always inaccurate and exploitative. So far, the folks who make The Eighth Sense have shown a great deal of nuanced awareness of and sensitivity toward mental health matters, so I don’t think they would use this kind of cheap plot device. But they might. If so, I’ll find that pretty disappointing.

There is one thing the showrunners are doing that is somewhat sneaky in a way that could look analogous to that. Others have pointed out that Jae Won and his therapist are wearing the same clothes in every therapy scene, suggesting that we’re seeing the same therapy session interspersed with the other events of the series. In other words, the therapy session operates on a very different timeline from the rest of the story. We don’t know where to situate it relative to the rest of the plot. But I don’t see that as tied to the show’s portrayal of Jae Won’s mental health, nor does it seem exploitative or out of left field.

To sum up:

So far, The Eighth Sense has been remarkably accurate regarding psychological matters and has portrayed therapy and the use of psychotropic medication in a mostly positive and realistic light. I get the feeling the writers/directors/etc. have had some experience receiving mental health treatment. I really hope they maintain this level of quality throughout the remainder of the series.

I don’t think Jae Won’s PTSD (or his depression/anxiety) are sufficient for him to experience psychosis. I don’t expect entire segments of the show will be revealed to be an elaborate lie or hallucination, and if they are, I would consider that to be an example of poor writing and an unrealistic and potentially harmful representation of mental illness.

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

In one of your posts you mentioned that you h/c that Theodred didn’t marry because he didn’t find love till later, and that he didn’t feel the call to parenthood. Do you believe the latter might have been due to him losing his mother at birth? I imagine that would have been traumatic, and something that might have affected his decision to not have children.

The loss of his mother at the time of his birth would absolutely have impacted his life in huge ways, and I think it probably did affect his feelings about parenthood in that he would have lingering fears/trauma around the very notion of childbirth that would make him extremely resistant to the idea of putting his own wife at risk that same way. (Though my Théodred was unmarried when he died, he had finally found the lady he wanted to marry and was engaged.) So that’s a big deal for him — he lost one important woman in his life that way, and he would never want to lose another when his own decisions could help to avoid it. (Poor, sweet, tragic Théodred!!)

But I also like to HC him as someone who never actually felt the inclination to be a parent anyway. Not everyone does, and I think that’s a valuable perspective to represent because it’s not one we see a ton of. (And if you feel that way in real life, you definitely get a LOT of messages from all sides that constantly try to delegitimize your feelings or shame you for having them.) Plus, I think it’s a reasonable inference that fatherhood just wasn’t his priority based on what else we know of his canonical life and behavior. As Rohan’s most eligible bachelor, already into his middle age and presumably under pressure to produce an heir, the fact that he seems to have taken no steps toward fatherhood or had any sense of urgency around it suggests to me that it wasn’t something he had in his heart.

So yeah, I thinks it’s a “both” situation. I definitely believe Elfhild’s death negatively shaped the relationship he had to the idea of childbirth such that he wouldn’t have wanted to pursue it. But I also think he wouldn’t have had kids regardless because he also wasn’t drawn to it. And he was 1) generous and smart enough to know that having children simply to check that box on the list of life experiences wouldn’t be fair to those children or to himself; and 2) confident enough in the quality of character that his cousins displayed to know Rohan would be in good hands if the crown passed to their line after his own death.

Thanks for asking! ♥️ I’m always up for talking about Teddy or hearing anyone else’s thoughts/interpretations!

[dickarchivist]

Okay because I have 0 self control, I have asks for everyone 👀 don't feel pressured to answer them all though! I just couldn't decide lmao 🖤❤️

Ghost: How far would they go to save someone they love? Would they sacrifice themselves? Others?

Phantom: What do they regret the most?

Wraith: what little regrets do they have?

Specter: Do they try to prevent unnecessary suffering?

Banshee: What haunts them?

Athena: What's their moral compass like?

Dax'Malkin: When have they been unable to save someone or something no matter how hard they tried?

Let's get fucked up.

Ghost: Ghost would *never* ever ever sacrifice someone else, but he would *always* sacrifice himself for the sake of someone else. He is deeply caring and protective, and he'd rather bleed or even die than let someone he loves be put in harm's way. He'd put himself between any danger to protect his family, he wouldn't hesitate, never again.

Phantom: Tom's biggest regret of all is pulling the trigger on his blaster and briefly ending Athena's life during Order 66. When she finally finds them in hiding, he spends the rest of his life protecting her. There's a lot Phantom thinks he's unforgivable for, but Athena's end is the thing he regrets more than anything.

Specter: Despite his hard and rude exterior, Specter will go out of his way to stop the suffering of others. He sees a loth/trash Cat with its head stuck somewhere? Free the cat. A kid wants a sweet but can't afford it? He'll steal it or buy it, give it to the parent for later, or the kid right then. But it goes both ways, it's not just for soft things... he'd end the life a creature if it couldn't be saved and was suffering. He's done it before, and as much as it pains him, he'd do it again. Anything to stop the suffering.

Banshee: I actually answered this one here, but the summary is this: on a mission to save refugees, a kid was killed under Banshee's protection. If he ever has a kid, he'll name his kid Jaia in their memory.

Wraith: I could write a book on Wraith's regrets, he is so nervous and anxious. His top three little regrets are:

1.) Getting drunk with his brothers and letting Phantom talk him into his one and only tattoo.

2.) That time he accidentally exposed himself to a very powerful aphrodisiac and spent several hours jacking off because he needed it to be OVER.

3.) Shaving his head when he was a cadet because other cadets kept pulling his hair or hiding things in it.

Athena: Athena's moral compass always points true north. She believes in kindness for the sake of kindness. That when someone is in need, you help them. That people are inherently good, no matter how bad they seem, there is some good in them still.

In other words: she is pure of heart and it shows.

Dax'Malkin: oh God. OH lord. Jesus christ. Okay. Alright. Here we go. We're gonna go chronologically.

Krazus. Dax'Malkin's twin brother. He never recovered from that and believed the jedi who saved him that Krazus was lost to them forever. They were just boys...

Vann Cree. Dax'Malkin's adoptive son, and younger brother to Annika Cree, his adoptive daughter. One month before the end of the clone wars, Annika and Vann were captured, and tortured for information. Vann didn't survive.

Annika Cree. Nika, or "Annie" to Dax and Dax alone, is still alive. But 3 days before the end of the clone war, when she finally returned to the jedi temple with her brother's body, and her lekku cut from her head. After all the torture and trauma, asking the council to help ease her pain, ease the loss of her brother and her first ever padawan as a master, she was met with "He is one with the force now, there's nothing more to be done." Dax wasn't there for Annika. He couldn't save her, or her brother, and when he felt Annika fall to the dark side, he never forgave himself for that. Even when he was in his own darkness, he never let himself forget how he had failed his children.

[darksidescorner]

1, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for the trauma ask game plez :)) (with ur doc ock variant oc)

1. She's from a single parent, her mother. She and her mother are very close. They look VERY similar, and talk the same. Unfortunately, due to Alchemax, they aren't as close anymore. Turns out, being broken down to zero empathy isn't good for your social life regardless of who they are. Last time they saw each other, V. was in the middle stages of her "breakdown".

Her mother is proud, but worried. Then there was just a straight up loss of communication when Olivia went to prison/therapy (prison reforms in 2099 <3)

4. Considering how I'm about to rewrite ATSV with my OC, I'm not sure. But I'll use the old one.

It has to be either the time she realized all the safeguards are off, or the chase scene aftermath.

The safeguards gave her control over the tentacles instead of vice-versa. The moment she realized the consequences of her complacency, she was a WRECK. She lived in fear for a long time, before she began to embrace the cold of barely any human connection.

The Chase Scene aftermath has to be up there because she saw Miguel, someone she loves so dearly, lose his shit. Fair enough, the pressure has been ever-mounting since the death of Gabi. But... she's also pissed. In her own words to Miguel,

"You went harder on a TEEN than you did ME! AND I'VE KILLED PEOPLE, MIGUEL!"

There's a lot of guilt and "What ifs" from her regarding Miles. She had no clue it would have gotten this bad, there was no way for her to know (in this AU, the garbage can throw doesn't happen. Miguel isn't as harsh). But here we are. She swears to protect Miles. She'd rather have the blood of trillions on her hands, just like Miguel, than not try.

Needless to say, it's on sight if they see each other.

5. YEP. MANY.

I'm going to put a photo in here of the doc I have of her that explains it.

She does not want to kill. In fact, she doesn't fight for the Spider Society AT ALL (subject to change). She feels extremely guilty for the deaths of those subjects, after therapy of course. Coming to terms with that is hard.

However, if she had to, she will kill again.

6. Going back to what she was. She's terrified of being the monster she once was.

She never wants Spiders to be afraid of her. Unfortunately, due to factors that aren't her fault or the Spider's, that doesn't always happen. She reminds a lot of Spiders of their own Doc Ock.

She's scared that if she ever goes back to fighting, she'll like it. Just like she once did. She's a major pacifist in that regard.

Every once in a while, there might be an anomaly variant of her. One that never recovered. One that remains cruel. Olivia usually stays out of the Go-Home room that day.

7. Semi-easily.

For simple, sometimes silly things? Incredibly easy. Miguel has caught her with tears running down her face because one of her snails was holding an algae pellet and eating it. He has also caught her quietly happy crying in her office because one of the Spiders warmed up to her after being previously afraid of her, and even asked her for help (she's basically the mom of everyone at HQ, especially the teens).

When it comes to the heavy shit? She is really good at not crying until later. She doesn't even do it on purpose, she just can't cry initially.

In fact, she usually just glazes over for a bit. When it's happening/the news is being delivered to her. She's very straight faced about all of it, allowing her to handle the situation a bit. As soon as she's alone and can begin breaking it down, she fucking SOBS.

Example: Gabrielle's death. She stayed strong for Miguel. Think Selina for Bruce in Injustice after Dick Grayson died. But after Miguel inevitably cried himself to sleep, she went to the living room and cried as well. She's VERY good at silent crying. But that night? She wasn't completely silent. That's how hard she was crying.

[belovecore]

Throwing my hat in the ring for an OC if you are accepting them 👀 I love a self-sacrificing character (like a paladin archetype), I also really like characters who are hiding a lot of insecurity. I also like physically strong chars! Guys or ladies either's good

oh boy, oh boy-

i don't know if this is cheating but this guy is fair game-

this is Rocket, more well known as Rocket Pop Prime (no he didn't want to go by Popimus or Rockimus, but a lot of his comrades call him 'Poppy' sometimes)

here's some stuff i wrote for his bio:

rocket is a 'prime' for good reason, he is dedicated to the autobot cause and sacrificed so much for the greater good as needed. this is not without unfortunate loss, rocket has lost not only so many comrades over the years but also a very close sparkmate and chance of sparklings

to be so high up on the ladder requires so much, and as rocket is still able to keep up, he struggles and without constant alert behavior or anxiety to fuel him, he feels he will collapse and not be able to get back up.

rocket holds himself to high standards to never break down, cause if he does, his whole team fails. he fails the autobots, he fails his cause. this sort of thinking is damaging to his psyche and in turn has degraded his health in both ways.

rocket does not completely evade emotions but only sorrow, not admitting it completely for weakness but knowing that crumbling down to that state takes time to build back up. he cannot rest or take a break, that is too much of a risk for him and his team.

but he fails to realize that constantly putting too much pressure will eventually cause a collapse from stress, maybe some day he'll realize he can show his vulnerable side to his team and be accepted, knowing he doesn't have to always be strong for everyone all the time. he deserves a break and to finally stop holding everything together and let others help.

to sorta tldr;

my boy, Rocket- [ my answer to being more calm around Optimus if you will :') ]

hard working guy who has lost so much, and his answer is 'i will make sure no one else will ever have to feel the way i did, cause i know how it feels' versus the approach of 'i have been hurt and i want other to hurt and feel exactly how i did'

dude didn't ask to be a prime, if anything that gives him more anxiety, but he's quite good at hiding that sort of thing and all of his team see him as a pillar of perfection despite him having a lot of trauma and issues expressing himself

he's sweet and would put himself on the line for others, he has don that a countless amount of times

it would just do him some good to get some therapy and take a nap and like, maybe a break i suppose- he's afraid to do so since he feels everything is his fault if something goes wrong

i'm rambling but i hope that helps sum him up, unless you want me to list off random little moments i've written about him

he's holding a lot in, i remember one of my autobot ocs who isn't the best at getting her work done- rocket did his usual schtick of trying to calmly compromise, but she got quite snippy with him-

with all of that building up, he ended up just crumbling in front of her and sobbing his optics out and she freaked out- she didn't mean to literally make her leader, her prime, of all people to be sobbing in front of her because she gave him a slightly hard time

she felt bad after that but that was one of the first times i think rocket ever showed anything outside of his usual hero and leader role

he showed he was a normal mech who has his own problems and imperfections despite how much he tried to hold them in

[entropy-sea-system]

As a nonfriending plato averse aplatonic I will never understand allopls who caution against dating friends bc... I will never grieve a loss of friendship (or be in one again in the first place!) and I don't want to stick around if I break up with someone (in a romo aro alloaro way in my case) .

In my opinion, people can pursue other types of relationships with friends if they want! They don't owe it to their friend group to not date each other or whatever to avoid future 'drama'! Yes mutual attraction can exist without being acted on but. Don't ignore the fact that those attractions may be more important to some people than friendship and that's okay and its not just some 'allo thing' to feel that way.

Friendship can be exhausting. It can cause drama. Its not just romance or sex that can lead to heartbreak or people 'taking sides'. People should feel free to engage in or not engage in various types of social relationships.

They shouldn't be pressured to go into them or avoid them to avoid hurt. I think the latter also is something I try to remind myself of because I grew up in a romance-negative and sex-negative household and I was discouraged from any social connections other than family and maybe friends (because yes I was also expected to love my family way more than friends when I had them.).

It's not always a progressive take to tell people to avoid a social relationship to avoid getting hurt or because you just don't want to see your friend group break apart because of people in it dating and breaking up. Emotions happen and so do events like any sort of relationship(including friendship of course) ending. Definitely don't enter any kind of social relationship(including friendship, again.) just because you think you 'should' but also don't feel like you need to avoid it just to avoid hurt.

Of course, it is true that trauma or similar things , some orientations(I would not feel very happy at all and would even be triggered by being

in a friendship due to my plato repulsion and the fact that I just don't want to be in one ever again for example), etc. can make it unhealthy and harmful to push oneself into things whether thats isolation, socialising, or something else. And I think a lot of posts about this miss that nuance.

It doesn't work to tell someone who may be extremely stressed out by or even triggered by initiating social interaction or putting themself out there to just 'get over it' and do it instead of complaining about being lonely. But unfortunately it sounds like some posts are just saying that. Exposure therapy is not something that works like that nor is it something that you can just make work without harming someone bc I seriously doubt a random internet stranger telling someone to socialise more will heal them.

tl;dr people are allowed to have preferences for engaging in (or not engaging in) social relationships or interaction and it's better to respect that than make blanket statements about how people 'should' engage in them

(as usual apl exclusionists dni, also no aphobia or romance negativity or sex negativity or platonormative statements about how we 'should' approach friendship in replies. alloplatonics can rb but don't clown.)

[daechwitatamic]

lol Unfortunately I think this is a scenario that is triggering for me and probably many of us! I guess I should explain what made me mad, but I think it's just all of the little red flags we are starting to see pop up.

He can't bring her some medicine for her headache or offer to help in any way? He has to check if her headache is gone before committing to come over? He pressures her to throw a party for his friends and then doesn't even show up to help? He can't ask if it's okay for him to bring random girlies with him?

The worst thing with these situations is that these tiny little things are never enough to actually get mad at or have a confrontation about, but they add up! But beyond him probably knowing she is in love with him and doing nothing about it because he likes the company and attention, he is just straight up not being a very good friend right now. Not cool, Taetae. You're breaking my heart.

I'm so eager for more of this story and I know while Taehyung is probably going to get shittier, I'm sure we'll also see some insight into the background of their friendship that help us understand YN's perspective and willingness to put up with his bs a bit more.

I also lost my mom when I was in college and can completely relate to the trauma that comes with losing that unconditional parental love and how that affects your other relationships, so I'm really interested to see more of that part of the story as well.

Thank you for posting this early treat for us!

🌴

You always show up making EXTREMELY valid points 😅 I’m just gonna say… you’re right, tae is NOT being a good friend! I have a LOT of thoughts and some explanation about this topic but I’d rather wait and have that discourse at the end so i don’t spoil anything.

Thank you for sharing a little of your story with me. I hate that you’re going through that. Please promise me you’ll continue this series with care, because there will be scenes of oc talking about and coping with her loss.

I’m excited to see what you think next week!!

[aphrostarot]

Healing Inner Child Pick a Pile

What wounds does your inner child have and how can you help heal them?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Fuchsite):

How do you see yourself?

Seven of Wands:

You view yourself as someone who has fought tooth and nail to get to where you are. You also believe you have a strong sense of justice and will never let others stand in their way. However, due to the difficulties you've encountered in your life, you have lost the ability to see others as allies, which has hindered your ability to make new friends, keep friends, and ask for help when you need it.

The Widow:

Throughout her life, the Widow has suffered a lot of death, literally and figuratively. She, however, has survived each of these losses with a great amount of strength. While you have had a lot of difficulties in your life, you have handled them with great dignity and grace. These are the things you believe make you strong and give you the ability to survive all that life throws your way.

How does your inner child see you?

Ten of Cups:

This is the card of fairy tales and having it come out here is showing me that your inner child thinks of you as their fairy tale ending. You are everything your inner child ever dreamed of becoming. They view you as obtaining their happily ever after, after having gone through a period of struggles in life. You are very successful and charming in their eyes.

The Coquette:

In their eyes, you are extremely charming, confident, and flirtatious. You have everyone’s eyes on you when you walk into a room. Everyone either wants to be you or do you. You are able to charm the socks off just about anyone you encounter, making them give you just about anything you want. You are very dreamy in your inner child’s eyes.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Two of Swords:

They feel out of balance and they do not know how to find balance again. They are scared because they view you as this amazing person, as the one who they always dreamed of becoming and you do not think of yourself like that, which scares them. Because how can they see you for what you truly are and you not see that? How can you be the same person yet be so so, different?

What did you lack as a child?

Ten of Pentacles:

This is the card of abundance, of happy families. It seems to me that your family lacked financial abundance in your childhood and this really affected your happiness as a whole family but also as an individual.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

Three of Pentacles:

At some point in your life, you were the victim of envy, and this scarred your inner child. The people around you were jealous of you, so instead of trying to help you, they tried to destroy you instead. As a result of them hurting you, your inner child struggles to trust others.

How does that thing affect your life now?

Ten of Wands:

This has affected your ability to work hard, and your progress in life. When these people were trying to ruin your life you were at a point where your progress and hard work were just starting to pay off. And now you have a fear of making progress in your life because you fear the people around you will not support your life last time.

The Empress:

The Empress is all about growth and having it come out here is telling me that your fear of success is hindering your growth within yourself. Your inner child’s trauma is what is causing you to fear your own success and your mistrust of others.

What is something you can do to heal your inner child?

Nine of Swords:

As a result of the trauma that your inner child has endured, they have become very anxious and depressed. Your lack of trust in others is your inner child coming forward.

Seven of Cups:

By rediscovering your dreams of success, you will be able to heal your inner child. As a result of your past, you have lost those dreams and this has caused a lot of pain to your inner child. You will be more willing to achieve success once you realize that people in your life don't determine how you spend your life, thus healing your inner child.

Princess:

You are your own knight in shining armor, according to this card. There is no need for anyone else to fight for you. To help your inner child heal, your guides are telling you that you must fight for yourself. You do not need the people in your life to approve of your life decisions.

How can you support your inner child?

The Devil:

As we have established, your inner child views you as the person they have always dreamed of becoming, and this card is showing that one way to support your inner child is by viewing yourself as they do. You can regain balance in your life by aligning your views of yourself with theirs.

Tower:

This card tells you to unplug and relax. You need some self-care at this moment. Your guides are saying that a way for you to support your inner child is by taking care of yourself. Love yourself, view yourself the way your inner child does.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

Six of Cups:

When you were a kid you were very passionate about life and your dreams of success. Those dreams were shattered by setbacks and jealous people who made you lose heart. You are being urged by your inner child to rediscover those dreams. Channel your inner child so you can feel that passion yet again.

Pile Two (Amethyst):

How do you see yourself?

The Empress:

Charm, charisma, and beauty are just a few of the things you think make you special. Your view is that you are a very creative and intelligent person who can succeed in anything they do. In your eyes, you exude a strong motherly nature that compels others to love being in your presence making you a great friend and lover.

The Gamine:

The Gamine rejects all things that society deems feminine, often rocking a pixie cut or a short chop with boxy clothes. They are free-spirited and a delight to be around. This is how you see yourself, as possessing a charming youthful spirit.

How does your inner child see you?

Six of Wands:

Your inner child sees you as someone who loves the spotlight but is very passionate, determined, and unafraid to take risks. In their eyes, you are positive, optimistic, and a natural-born leader. It feels to me that you are not at all someone they ever imagined becoming but they love who you have become.

The Siren:

The siren is a symbol of the challenge of resistance. Irresistible, she can entice just about anyone into her traps. She has every enchanted by her beauty and her voice. That is how your inner child perceives you, as someone who is irresistible and extremely strong.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Queen of Cups:

Your inner child feels very loyal to you. They love you very much and cannot believe how far you have come in your life. They are putting you on a pedestal due to the fact that you have surmounted everything they could have ever imagined becoming. They idolize you.

The High Priestess:

As this is the card of secrets, it seems like they are also reluctant to discuss how they are feeling at the moment. Maybe it is hard for them to trust others so they aren’t willing to share with me how they’re feeling currently. From the energy, I sense that they feel alone and that they cannot trust anyone else but themselves.

What did you lack as a child?

The Hierophant:

You had a very hectic childhood. Your family never had any traditions. Not only were there no traditions, but there was a lack of balance as well. Constantly walking on eggshells around the people in your life, you never knew what to expect. Not wanting to rock the boat for fear of uproar.

Three of Swords:

As a result of your hectic childhood, you received heartbreak after heartbreak. This makes sense with the energy I am receiving from your inner child. Your inner child is very untrustworthy because you lacked the stability in your childhood to feel like you could truly trust others.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

Ten of Wands:

As a kid, the people in your life relied on you a lot to provide for them and to keep them in check. You were blamed for many things, and you had to enforce balance in a place where it did not exist. You were the parent to your siblings and you were the parent to yourself. Which has left your inner child scarred and scared to trust others.

Justice:

As a child, you experienced a lack of justice. You were blamed for so many of the bad things that happened because you were expected to be the emotional punching bag for so long and when you didn't live up to your role you were punished.

How does that thing affect your life now?

Three of Pentacles:

This scarring affected your education. Your family may have pressured you to stay home and take care of them, so you did not pursue higher education. Alternatively, you may not believe you are intellectually capable of pursuing higher education. Whatever the case may be, your education has been greatly affected by the scarring your inner child experienced.

What is something you can do to heal your inner child?

Three of Wands:

The way for you to heal your inner child is by teaming up with someone. Asking for help. You have been conditioned all your life to be a strong individual, who never asks for help even when they need it. Now is the time to change that. Your guides want you to reach out to someone and ask for help when you need it. You do not need to tough it out alone.

Voyage:

Voyage tells you that you have all the answers within yourself, and you know it. You have been trying to avoid rocking the boat for some time now even though you knew that asking for help was the right option. You know, and maybe always have known, that you need help to get through this. Your inner child urges you to listen to yourself over trying to be what everyone else is telling you to be.

How can you support your inner child?

Two of Pentacles:

Your whole childhood lacked balance which left your inner child wounded. Here, your guides are telling you that the way for you to support your inner child is by finding balance in your life.

Escapist:

For a long time now, you have avoided what needs to be done in your life, avoiding this lack of balance. The way to support your inner child is to come home to yourself. Stop running away from yourself and what you need to do. Find that balance so you can begin to heal.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

Seven of Pentacles:

The Seven of Pentacles is all about plans paying off and having it come out here shows me that your inner child is telling you to maintain hope because soon your plans will pay off. If you do not have plans for the future, this is your inner child's way of telling you that you may need to plan more for your future because your hard work will pay off.

Additional Messages:

A channeled message I received from your inner child is, "You possess limitless abundance, you just need to believe it."

Pile Three (Amazonite):

How do you see yourself?

Nine of Wands:

You have faced an extreme amount of seemingly insurmountable challenges in your life and have come out on top almost every time. This has caused you to believe that you have unlimited potential to achieve all of your dreams. You see yourself as someone who will preserve until they reach their end goal.

The Demon Mother:

The Demon Mother is a vessel of mysterious power. She has a strong ability to manifest whatever it is she desires. She, however, commands attention, and others can’t help but be in awe of her. This is how you see yourself.

How does your inner child see you?

Ace of Wands:

Your inner child sees you as someone who is constantly pushing forward towards the things they want. They think that you are very successful when it comes to getting the things you want. Overall it seems to me that you and your inner child view you in the same way, as a very hardworking fiery individual. You could even be a fire sign, Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius.

The Psychic:

It is the psychic's strong intuition that allows them to see the future. They are able to predict what will happen in the future. Your inner child sees you as someone who has great abilities when it comes to your intuition. Whether you have practiced it or not doesn’t matter in their eyes, because to them you are very very magical.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Two of Pentacles:

They feel as though they are out of balance. This is interesting to me because they view you ultimately the same way as you view yourself. However, based on the energy I am getting from both you and them I think that you may be unaware of how strong your intuition really is. This is where they feel that imbalance, in you being unaware of how much power you hold. They know you can do so much with your powers if you were just aware of them.

What did you lack as a child?

Knight of Swords:

It seems to me that you had a masculine energy in your childhood who was very aggressive and caused you a great deal of drama and conflict growing up. This person loved to fight and that’s all they did when you were a kid, whether it was with you or other people. You were a witness to a lot of aggression.

Two of Swords:

Because of that person and their aggression, your childhood lacked a lot of balance. It was always a crossroads when it came to them, whether you should avoid them or face them. You were constantly juggling the drama and conflict that they put you through that your childhood lacked peace and balance.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

Judgment:

You lacked the ability to make decisions for yourself as a child and this really left your inner child scarred. This aggressive person had strong control over almost everything in your life at a young age and you were never really given the chance to be in charge of your own life.

Strength:

When you were a kid you feared standing up for yourself against this person who had so much control over you. This fear made you believe that you were not strong enough to stand up for yourself, which left your inner child scarred as well.

How does that thing affect your life now?

The Hermit:

You now live your life in a constant hermit mode. Avoiding others at all costs because you fear ending up in a relationship like the one you had with that person. You are lonely as a result. You may have a few friends but you keep them at arm’s length, not allowing them to truly get to know you. You believe that you are the only one who will ever truly know you and love you.

What is something you can do to heal your inner child?

Four of Pentacles:

The card of possessiveness indicates holding on to what you have with all your might. According to your guides, the only way you can heal your inner child is by keeping your things to yourself. Because you didn't have much control over your life and what you had when you were growing up, you aren't so possessive now. Since you never had anything to yourself as a kid, you allow others to take it from you at will. You may also just give your things to others because you aren't used to having them yourself. Your guides want you to stop that behavior and start holding onto the things you have.

Garden:

This card tells you that now is the time to focus on yourself, even if you feel that it is selfish. Put yourself first because you can now. Even though you were conditioned to believe that you are not in control of yourself, you are. Now is the time to truly listen to yourself and what you want, then go after it. If you do that, something good will arise, and that good thing will be the healing of your inner child.

How can you support your inner child?

Queen of Pentacles:

Treat yourself. Give yourself everything you have ever wanted, within reason. According to your guides, this is the way you can help your inner child. Bring luxury into your life, spend money on yourself, give yourself a spa day or two. Give yourself what you lacked as a child. Control over your needs and desires being fulfilled.

Lighthouse:

This is the card of not doubting your worth. Your childhood made you think that you were not capable of really anything, and that has really affected your inner child a great deal. The way for you to support your inner child is by believing in yourself, knowing that you truly are worthy of just about anything that you put your mind to.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

The Lovers:

Out of all of the piles here, the love that comes from your inner child is indescribable. Your inner child loves you so very much. It is hard for me to even find the words to describe the amount of love that is coming from them. They are extremely proud of you and everything that you have become. That is really all they want you to know, just how much they love you.

Additional Message:

Before closing out this pile this is what I heard from your inner child, “Thank you for everything. I love you, it’s always been you that was there no matter what.”

Pile Four (Rose Quartz):

How do you see yourself?

Page of Wands:

As a thrill-seeker, you consider yourself someone who enjoys adventures. In your eyes, you are passionate and free-thinking. You enjoy traveling, especially to exotic locations, and you enjoy socializing with other people. Aside from that, you have a very young heart, which makes you extremely optimistic and joyful. According to you, you are a very forgiving person who is willing to overlook red flags, which makes you an excellent friend.

The She-Wolf:

You see yourself as a person who is not only fierce but also has a great inner strength. In your eyes, you are a survivor, having been through so much and surviving it all. Additionally, you are very protective of the people in your life, willing to do whatever it takes to protect them.

How does your inner child see you?

The Magician:

Your inner child sees you as a very quick person. In their eyes, you have great mental agility. You are considered very magical, you have a strong intuition and are an amazing manifestor. You are seen by your inner child as someone who is very eloquent and highly intelligent.

The Magical Girl:

This is interesting to me because the Magician in Tarot is a very magical card, representing having an innate ability to manifest whatever it is you want. The Magician is very magical and in this Oracle deck, the Magical Girl is essentially the Magician. Your inner child defines you as someone with great abilities and someone who has grown so much over the course of their life.

How does your inner child feel currently?

Knight of Swords:

Right now, your inner child is very aggressive. Almost angry, they are restless and destructive. They are irritated and ready to fight. You have been ignoring your inner child for quite some time now, which has really pissed them off. There is strong firey energy here. In astrology, it seems to be more water or air energy rather than fire signs. You might be a Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, Scorpio, Cancer, or Pisces. It feels like strong Scorpio energy.

What did you lack as a child?

Ten of Wands:

There were a lot of burdens placed on you as a child. It feels to me that you lacked a childhood as a kid. You were expected to be strong and mature and not act your age. You were the one who mainly held your family up which is a lot of pressure to put on a child resulting in a lack of innocence and play.

What is something that has left your inner child scarred?

King of Wands:

The King of Wands is a masculine energy consumed with their desires. Pure passion drives them to focus on their career and hobbies. Growing up, you had someone like this in your life. Instead of focusing on you, they focused on their career, making it so you were the one in charge because they were never around.

How does that thing affect your life now?

Death:

Death is the card of transformation, of shedding the old and embracing the new, becoming a new person. You have not been able to let go of your past, holding on to the old which is holding you back from your transformation. You can’t truly grow if you are not willing to let go of some things along the way. Your guides are saying that yes, you had a rough childhood but you have grown up. Now is the time to treat yourself the way you deserved as a kid, instead of maintaining that negative treatment.

What is something that you can do to heal your inner child?

Five of Swords:

You've been struggling for some time now, trying to regain control of your life. Yet, as we have established, the way in which you were battling for control is detrimental to you. According to you, now is the time to act your age and be mature because that is what is best for you. But you are treating yourself the same way that person treated you when you were a kid. By letting go of the idea that you are doing what is right for you, you will be able to heal your inner child. Instead of ignoring your inner child, embrace them.

Thorns:

A good support system is just as important as self-care. The idea that you only need yourself may have led you to go at life alone. Your guides are saying that you can heal your inner child by giving yourself a childhood. Hang out with your friends. Act like a child and have fun since that is what is needed here.

How can you support your inner child?

Ace of Pentacles:

The Ace of Pentacles is all about building a foundation. So, the way for you to support your inner child is by building a solid foundation for you to freely be able to act like a child in your life. You may not feel comfortable doing this in your life right now, but the key to this is building a solid foundation for you to do this. Surround yourself with people that allow you to do this, make your home a safe place, fill it with things that make you comfortable. The key to success here is your own comfort levels.

Confidence:

You also may be lacking the confidence to truly give yourself a break from the hustle and bustle of life and show your inner child. Your guides are saying that you need to build your confidence so you can support your inner child. The key to feeling confident is feeling comfortable. Make sure you are comfortable with the people you surround yourself with and with the things you surround yourself with.

What does your inner child have to say to you?

The Devil:

The Devil is all things passionate and all things taboo. Your inner child tells me that you avoid all these things because they scare you because your childhood lacked fun. You need to embrace some of the things that scare you. Take baby steps towards having fun. Do things you were never allowed to do as a child.

Additional Messages:

While channeling for this pile, I heard "Have fun...let loose...try new things...be brave, little one." I heard the phrase, "Chicken little," but I have no idea what it means. I'm hoping someone can understand what it means.

Though tips are not required, they are very much appreciated. Thank you!

Venmo: @ aphrostarot Paypal: paypal/aphrostarot

[teawiththegods]

Hey, Jessie.

My name is Bug, They/Them, please❤️

I'm having a really tough time with guilt in regards to Deities, and I was wondering if you might have some advice. Please know that you do not have to answer this if you don't want to for any reason, that is completely fine and I will understand❤️

I recently bought a book on the Norse Deity, Loki, because I wanted to get to know Them better. However, since the beginning of Honouring Loki, I have felt intensely guilty and like I should leave Them alone. I just feel so deeply like They don't love me or want anything to do with me. For reference, I do have Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, and Complex PTSD, but sometimes I don't feel that these things are what's affecting it.

I love Loki so, so much, and I want to be closer to Them and get to know Them, but I feel so guilty and I don't know how to stop that. I've been in a deep depression for over a month now, and it isn't letting up. Therapy is not helping currently and my last appointment was cancelled. I'm at a loss.

I feel tremendously guilty for buying this book on Loki, and I feel ashamed of wearing the jewellery that I have to remind myself of Them. Like I am not worthy of it.

Because I was the one to introduce myself to Loki rather than Them being the one to reach out, I often feel like an intruder. I feel, ironically, like an outcast. Like I'm just standing in the background in a corner while everyone else is at the table. Like I should just back away, because "They wouldn't notice if I left anyway".

These feelings are very complex.. I just don't know what to do anymore :( I feel very alone.

Hello, Bug! <3

Firstly, I want you to know you're not alone with how you're feeling. Guilt is actually a very common theme among worshipers and prevents many from interacting with their deities. I myself have experienced similar feelings as you.

In my case, understanding that the majority of my feelings of guilt, unworthiness, and fear were directly tied to my mental illnesses, as well as my past trauma, was monumental. I began to realize that I was making assumptions based solely on my past conditioning not on the actual reactions of the gods. I wasn't even allowing them to have any reactions because I had already decided FOR THEM that I wasn't good enough. I was projecting the voices of the past and all my insecurities onto them even though they never once gave me any indication that they felt that way about me. So i basically had to learn to separate my negative thoughts from the gods' actual reactions/words/signs.

Before I go into how I did that I want to offer up a different suggestion which you are of course free to ignore. If you find yourself in a deep depression, now might not be the best time to try and solve this issue. It could absolutely be the very thing you need to help feel better but it could also contribute to your depression so its important you be honest with yourself. Its completely okay to put it to the side and pick it back up again when you feel better, even if it takes a little bit to feel better. Putting pressure on yourself is the last thing you need right now, so please just do whats best for you.

So when I find myself in the "i'm not worthy" space I always ask myself "What did THE GODS do to make me feel this way?" I ask that specific question bc 99.9% of the time (Apollo: It's 100% of the time don't lie to the people!) the gods didn't do anything, its my own shadow at play. And because i've done a lot of trauma work over the past couple of years I know where specific thoughts come from. Do I feel like the gods are gonna abandon me because I'm used to abandonment by this point? Am I doubting my experiences because I was gaslit most of my life? Do I think the gods could never actually love me because I never felt love from my own family? Do I believe the gods will never accept the true me because I've never been accepted truly and wholely? I could go on, but you get the point. Most of the time these negative thoughts we project onto the gods have roots within our past trauma and conditioning. We've been brainwashed to see ourselves and our place in the world a specific way so we of course assume that everyone we come into contact with (divine or not) will perceive us that way. But that's just an assumption, not the truth, especially not for the gods.

Another way to combat these negative thoughts is to remind yourself of the reasons you love your deity. Like I love Apollo because he's giving, caring, determined, kind, generous, wonderful, intelligent, helpful, strong, breathtaking, warm, loving, powerful, thoughtful and extraordinary in every way. Now does that sound like someone who would turn their back on a worshiper? Someone who would go "ew no not you" and vanish? No of course not. That sounds like a deity who loves their followers and who does whatever he can to be there for them. You know most of us aren't going to devote our time, energy, and beings to deities who don't actually give a crap about us. So try to trust in your god and the being you know them to be.

On that note, its also helpful to think back on any experiences you might have had with your deity to further drive home the point that THEY find you worthy of them even if you don't.

Anyway, I hope you find something comforting and/or helpful in these ramblings. Feel better, love and def don't hesitate to pop back into my inbox if you have any more questions or just need a friend! I'm here for you! <3

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

From the thingy you reblogged:

Therianthropy (and other goddamn lies)

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

5: What part was hardest to write?

7: Where did the title come from?

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Hey guys trigger warning, this fic involves child abuse and suicidal thoughts and actions, and so do my replies.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

I think it's actually probably this one:

It’s that scene, right? In the Christmas Carol. Tiny Tim, God-Bless-Us-Everyone Tim, he says, I don’t mind when people stare at me because I am a cripple, because it might remind them of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who made lame men walk and blind men see, and that might be pleasant for them, God Bless Us Everyone, A-Fucking-Men. 

It's such an ugly line, is the thing, which is one of the reasons why I love it so much. It's crude. You've got this famous disabled character known for being this shining beacon of goodness and hope and Christmas time, and he's discussed in a very callous manner.

Except, fundamentally, Tiny Tim was always something more to be missed than an actual character. He was a symbol of goodness and charity and tragic loss and has no real personality of his own past how fucking good and gracious he is--which like, to be clear, I'm not shitting on Charles Dickens, he's fucking Charles Dickens and you can pick absolutely any character from any book written pre-1920s and it's a solid bet they're meant to be a symbol rather than an actual character. That's just how the literary field as a whole worked for a while. I'm commenting more on how Tiny Tim most exemplifies the trend of the tokenization of disabled characters.

Like, disabled characters are always given the treatment of being this eternal symbol of suffering being so brave making it through life. Matt Murdock as a concept is fucking revolutionary in the sense that he's an actual three-dimensional disabled character. He's extremely complex and is so much more than his disability. His disability isn't ignored or """"""""overcome"""""""", it's just a part of him. The bigger problem is, people tokenize actual disabled people too, not just fictional characters.

**As a warning, in the next paragraph, I'm going to discuss Catholicism specifically for a bit. I speak entirely to my own experiences with it and I'm not looking to insult or cast judgment on anyone within the religion. Religious experiences are different for everyone and my impression based off of what I experienced is not meant as a commentary on any universality. That being said, religious experiences are different for anyone and a lot of people have trauma. Skip the next two paragraphs if you don't want to hear any commentary on catholicism at all.**

I was raised catholic, and I'd put solid money on the fact that Matt Murdock couldn't step in a church without at least two strangers coming up to him and telling him that God gave him this suffering for the spiritual good of them all. Like, some of the Catholics i knew were fucking weird about making suffering collective (not speaking on all Catholics, just my personal experiences). There are multiple saints who go through disabilities and illness "to offer up the suffering for the good of other's souls." There's a girl who died in an exorcism and people claim she was a holy soul willingly possessed by multiple demons so she could offer her suffering up for others. And many catholics that I knew would be so fucking ready to walk up to you with zero prompting and tell you that God is making you suffer for the good of all others, especially if you're visibly disabled.

Like, fucking imagine that. Imagine walking up to a stranger with a broken arm and being like "the pain you feel is so that others may not have to suffer the holy fire of purgatory" like babe that is not at all a thing you should ever say to someone.

I think there's this huge pressure to be the "perfect" disabled person. The Tiny Tim, who's extremely gracious about all the people being objectively rude to him, because it reminds them of the good Lord Jesus Christ, Amen God Bless. He would have been entitled to his anger. He would have been well within his rights to find them horrifically rude. And I'm not saying you have to respond a certain way about people being rude about your disability, but I'm saying that there's this unreasonable expectation around the disabled community to be these shining little beacons of gracious suffering instead of like. actual fucking people getting about their day. So I love this line because it's Matt taking this standard and not being the perfect gracious blind boy. He's bitter and crude and that's o-fucking-kay.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

I'd say it has to be this:

“I can be something other than this,” Matt tells them. “But I don’t think I want to be.”

I think it's important that Daredevil is a choice that Matt consciously made. It wasn't just gravity, inevitable, it was something he picked.

He could have picked just being Matt Murdock. Be the best goddamn attorney around, but that would mean ignoring all he heard. It'd be an implicit denial of a huge part of himself. He could have been the greatest soldier in the Hand, but that would mean ignoring all he could be as Matt Murdock. Daredevil's a specific choice, and I think it's the only one that lets both halves live together. I also think that it's only one that makes sense if it isn't the only thing he could have been.

One of the biggest things about this Matt is the fact that he's forced to permit his own helplessness. I'm going to talk about this more in #5, but talking about his abuse was difficult, because the fact that Matt Murdock is an abuse survivor is hugely important to who he is, but I didn't want it to be like, trauma porn. Anything I added, it had to be something that directly influenced who he became.

The thing about this Matt is that he's bone-achingly angry at every single person who decides to hurt someone helpless, and he's fucking humiliated because he was that helpless person at the same time. He could have stopped every single person who hurt him. he had to allow them the power to hurt the poor, defenseless blind kid. So it makes him an active participant in his own abuse--not in the sense that he was at fault, he fucking wasn't, but in the sense that he has the added suffering of having to choose to let people hurt him when he could stop them. That being said, all of the abuse that I explicitly outlined all was something that furthered that specific pain.

He could have stopped anyone who hit him, but he had to let them do it. He had to pretend to not know that people were watching him change, because he was blind, and he had no way of stopping them without revealing his super senses. Several of the injustices he suffered were centered on super senses--the abusive parents that slipped him benadryl, the ones that discussed him in terrible ways--that he had absolutely no way of addressing without revealing his true strengths. He's checked in the sense that he can stop them, but only at a cost that he's not willing to pay. It'd be a huge risk, anyone finding out about his senses. So he decides to not risk it. It's an infuriating, humiliating, traumatizing childhood, and that sense of being helpless and someone using that to take advantage is probably the biggest impact on who Matt became.

I say all of this because it's important to his choice to become Daredevil.

He could have been successful Matt Murdock, but he would have to constantly push down that righteousness that makes him him, and ignore the part of him who knew, viscerally, what it meant to be the helpless person. At the same time, he could have gone on a total power trip. There's a version of Matt Murdock in the comic books who became Kingpin. He has a lot of violent tendencies. He struggles with control and power trips. He could have just started hurting people without the part where he helped. It is so fundamental to the Daredevil decision that he could have been something else, but this is what he picked.

Because it's an actionable reversal of that forced helplessness all those years. He's changing the decision that caused him that much pain for that long, and he's doing it so he can be the person he never had--someone who steps in, and stops the bad thing. And a lot of that is his unhealthy tendencies too. The violence, the anger, the powertrips, the toxic tendencies--that's still there. It's not a one hundred percent altruistic or good decision. but it could have not been an altruistic decision at all, and that's important.

5: What part was hardest to write?

The abuse.

Fundamentally, Matt Murdock is a victim of systematic abuse. The things that happened to him when he was a child is vital to his actual character. That being said, I'm not a fan of adding in a bunch of explicit terrible events happening to a child just for the angst. As I said above, I had to walk a line and evaluate what I was putting in to see if it directly related to and explained the decisions Matt was making in the present day. He had to have visceral, bone-deep knowledge of what it meant to be helpless for Daredevil to function as a piece of his arc, and the best way to make the reader understand that is to make them feel the helplessness. That being said, I really didn't want it to end up as trauma porn, so I had to be careful and really evaluate what I put down.

7: Where did the title come from?

So "therianthrophy" is the name for the magical transformation that happens in folklore. Man to werewolf. Woman to mermaid. It's the actual act of change from one thing to another. And I named it that because that's effectively, what stick promised Matt and Lisa, and it was a lie.

Stick found kids who were so traumatized that they'd do anything to change from the person that got hurt into someone that couldn't be hurt anymore. So he hurt them even worse, and promised them it would turn them into something better and stronger, when really all they ended up was the same person with worse pain.

One of the core themes underlying Matt and Lisa's story is that there is no becoming someone else. You are who you are right now, and you will always be that person, and there is nothing that will ever change that. You will always be the person that got hurt. And there's a potential addendum to that, the fact that you can be the person who got better.

Lisa hasn't come to terms with the truth yet. Matt realized that right before his first suicide attempt, and it sounded so terrible to him at the time that he attempted. Over the years, though, he's gotten Foggy and Karen. He's starting to realize that being who he isn't doesn't have to be a terrible thing. One of his biggest hopes is that he can help Lisa to the same with a lot less pain.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

I have a minor hobby that's defridging the Punisher's family. I've got like, four or five fics that i'd love to write around the castle family? I dunno if I ever will get around to them, but I love them. They're the ultimate fridged characters. Their only purpose is to die and be missed. I love making them real people.

Lisa Castle is, arguably, the most fridged of them all. Like, Maria is the classic fridged wife, but she's at least given the treatment of it being clear that her relationship with Frank had ups and downs, so she's not like some perfect, unstained beacon.

Frank Jr. actually gets shelved and ignored more than the rest of the family, especially in fandom, which I touch on more in the first step of kintsugi than I do in this one. But I find it interesting, because Frank Jr's the most explicitly not perfect one in the family. We hear Frank and Maria fought, but it's never shown. A negative word is never said for Lisa. But Frank Jr. painted marines on his mom's wall and parroted some stupid fucking shit he probably heard at school. His loss almost never gets the same prioritization as Lisa's and Maria's.

Lisa, meanwhile, is Frank's baby girl. She was strong and funny and his beloved daughter, and the most important thing about her character is that she was lost. He never read her a bedtime story on her last night alive. He held her when she died. She was Frank's baby girl and he misses her every day.

And, like. The penny and dime scene was fucking phenomenal. It was one of the best television scenes of all time. Jon Bernthal's acting was fantastic. It was heartfelt and tragic.

And one of the reasons why Lisa's loss, and the entire family's loss, is so tragic is that they don't get to be more than their loss, because they're dead. It's lost potential, lost energy, lost space, whatever you want to call it. It's a huge gaping loss, and that's why the punisher has such a painful and visceral storyline.

But that means that it implicitly has to make his family just... things to be missed rather than actionable characters in their own storyline. They're a backstory. They don't get to be more.

So I wanted to take Lisa, who was the "purest" of them all. Didn't have any of the fights Frank Jr had with his dad. Didn't have any of the (extremely normal) rocky aspects of their relationship Maria had with Frank. she's the dead daughter and she is doe eyed and sincere and wanted her daddy to read her a bedtime story. I wanted to take her and make her into a character that could really embody all the messy pain of life and recovery.

Because this Lisa did survive, and she has to grapple with the PTSD. She has to grapple with the loss of her family. She self-destructs and hurts others and hurts herself, and she's not that perfect, platonic ideal of a daughter to be missed. She's messy and complicated and hurting, and she's still worth every bit of love that the perfect version of her got. I'm not going to say what's coming, but Lisa's far from in a good place just because she's finally with Matt. She's going to act out and do some pretty terrible things. But that's completely understandable given where she is in the recovery process, and it's important to sever the conception of this "perfect" person with the one to be missed. Frank misses Frank Jr. just as much as he misses Lisa, but it's rarely shown that way, and I think it's a bit in part because his relationship wasn't shown to be as idealized as his relationship with Lisa.

So that's why it was vital that Lisa was the member of the Castle family that made it out. The reason why she needed to have Matt be the one to make a family with her was three fold.

it'd be so fucking funny.

can you imagine. your daughter dies tragically and you find out months later she's alive and has been adopted by the worst man alive. i fucking refuse to believe there is any version of frank castle that does not find the very concept of matt murdock insulting. he has never been more exasperated in his entire life. this man is so stupid. why is he in fucking devil horns. why does he have my daughter. god i want to fucking make them coparent.

2. it made the most narrative sense.

I needed a way to get Lisa out alive and in a way that easily introduced her back to the action. If frank survived the shootout, hypothetically speaking, anyone could, but they needed a way to be alive and off the radar. Stick is perfect. He's always looking for vulnerable orphans, and he directly feeds into the overarching conflict. Logistically, it made sense to bring her in through stick and then have that streamline straight into Matt.

3. It fulfills some of the biggest themes in this.

the first is saving each other instead of being the savior. family in this is about saving each other. it's not about one single person being the savior. foggy doesn't "fix" matt. Foggy can be a fucking mess on his own too, thank you very much. Foggy and Matt is a story about saving each other. They curb the worst in each other. Foggy is the one keeping Matt grounded, and Matt is the one keeping Foggy grounded. Foggy reminds Matt that the system can still work, but Matt in terms keeps Foggy from hiding behind the system. Like, I could write an entire essay about how foggy's moral approach is the platonic ideal of the Lawyer's Professional Rules of Ethics. Foggy believes in the system, but when the system doesn't work, he needs a push to leave it. And the fact of the fucking matter is, Matt's right. The system isn't working. Sometimes you need a dickhead in fucking leather fetish gear and horns to beat the shit out of a billionaire on live tv before people pay attention to the corrupt cops. There isn't any one "savior" in the family that sprouted up between Foggy, Matt, and Karen--each one of them is needed to make it work.

That being said, if Lisa was directly picked up by Frank, he would be saving her, and it wouldn't be mutual.

You could talk about how oh, lisa gives him a reason to live, lisa is his guiding light, lisa curbs his most violent tendencies, but that drifts uncomfortably into that territory of some random girl being the entire moral grounds of a violent man, and it would not be fucking fair to put on this lisa. This lisa is a mess of her own. She needs the space to heal without carrying the narrative weight of leading her father back from the brink.

The dynamic is completely different with Matt and Lisa. it isn't "Father saves his daughter," it's "two victims of the same abuser rebuild together."

Matt started in this as some kind of lighthouse to lisa, that was leading her to smash right up against the fucking rocks. She had an image of him on a pedestal, and it's one that can only lead her to self-destruction. In reality, Matt's someone who has lived experience deeply similar to her own. He's someone who understands what she feels in a way that no one else can, and that means he's able to help her heal in a way that no one else can.

Lisa, meanwhile, is a catalyst for change that Matt has never gotten in canon.

Canon matt is not fucking father material. This matt is not fucking father material. At best, he's the spencer to Lisa's Carly. But he's had to make conscious decisions to be better, to be the person he never had. It's a act of purposeful reconstruction that Matt has to either undertake or abandon entirely. Having someone so close that's a mirror of what happened to him is forcing him to heal from it in ways he never had to before.

I can't go too much into all the ways that Lisa's going to save Matt, mostly because we haven't seen them yet. She spent most of the last fic in foster care, so she hasn't been physically present to start driving the narrative by her own actions. Now that they're together, she can start affecting things, but I haven't written that yet. So, spoilers.

But I'd like to be clear, Lisa isn't some mini Matt from the past he now gets to save. Matt says as much, explicitly, because that's what most people assume. Matt really, truly, has begun to love her in the span of their relationship, and that means he's led to make the decision no one made for him--which was to take the effort. To step up, and to be the person they need. everyone else just looked at his mess and abandoned him. He's making the conscious decision to do the opposite, but he's not doing that because she's some totem of him that he can now save. It's an act of love, and that's revolutionary, because love is something neither of them were permitted. The Lisa and Matt dynamic started slightly from logistics but i kept it and made it into a story because it becomes a story about how picking love can be an act of rebellion and an act of healing all at once.