nederlandai

[caffeinatedopossum]

People are so weird to trans people. Like beyond being straight forward dickheads, transphobes are just so weird

[prince-liest]

I am so sorry if i come off stupid with this ask but i’m not very educated on this topic and my english isn’t that good so pls dont take any offence but i’ve read some of ur fics (ur very skilled btw!!) and in some of them vox and alastor are depicted to be sexual at times but isn’t alastor acesexual? I used to think that ace ppl were repulsed(?) by sex and touch in general and now im a bit confused is he only comfortable with touch because they have a deep bond or is him being repulsed by touch just an act?

No worries at all, I think this is something that a lot of people get caught up on! Asexuality isn't very commonly talked about in terms of actually explanations, so a lot of folks tend to have the impression you did.

Asexuality is a spectrum that often correlates with but isn't actually inherently linked to comfort with touch! Asexual people can be sex-positive, sex-neutral, or sex-repulsed—or a combination of those three things depending on the context and their feelings at the time. I always write Alastor as aromantic and asexual, but I play around with his comfort levels regarding all those things depending on the fic or even how he feels in the moment, oscillating between sex-positive to fully touch-repulsed (or sometimes both, which causes some complicated feelings for him). (There are also demisexual and graysexual people but I'm just going to talk about asexuality here.)

I think a key point to understand is that for an asexual person to have sex, they're just going to have different reasons from an allosexual person. Alastor is never having sex in my radiostatic fics because he thinks Vox is hot and is super attracted to him (unlike Vox, whom I write as allo and who pretty consistently thinks Alastor is hot and wants to fuck him). Instead, some of the reasons he's slept with Vox in my works include: curiosity; societal pressure; nonsexual enjoyment of kink; sexual enjoyment of very specific acts (again, still not the same as "being sexually attracted to Vox"); seeking intimacy; being under the influence; etc.

If you think about it, allosexual people also have sex for reasons outside of sexual attraction. Lesbians may have sex with men out of social pressure or personal exploration; a lot of people have sex just because they're lonely and it's how they find intimacy; you can even imagine the stereotypical frat bro who has sex with a girl because he sees her as a status symbol; etc, etc. Just because someone is ace doesn't mean they can't have sex, it just means that their reason isn't going to be sexual attraction.

[txttletale]

Hi, i dont quite understand the earlier points about the allosexual term!

The way i always understood it all, straight to gay is a spectrum, so would cis and being NB or trans or genderfuild be, and same for ace to allo. As in, demisexuality would be on the gradient between asexual and allosexual. And therefor the term allosexual would hold meaning by sheer ability to talk about the concept of asexuality with more nuance?

I also saw someone in the replies of that post posit that the 'other side' of asexuality would be 'straight, bi, pan, gay, etc' instead of using allosexual as a descriptive term. Whats your take on that? Im asking because, a lot of ace (im using this to include any experience of attraction deviating from the socially expected, so also demi) ppl i know identify as hetero, gay, bi etc as well. As in, an ace person who may lack the ability to feel sexual atttaction to others on sight alone, may still prefer one gender over another if they're still inclined to romantic bonds.

Plus, a lot of asexuals arent sex repulsed either, and the term is purely used to describe an 'aberration' in how ace ppl experience attraction? Therefore, wouldn't allosexual be a helpful destinction?

(Sorry for the long ask, im just curious and like how much thought is usually apparent in your answers here)

essentially, i think where you're wrong is the idea that cis-trans or straight-gay are spectrums. i obviously believe that sexuality and gender, the phenomenons, the actual matters of people kissing and fucking and self defining and being -- those are all mutable and contextual and often defy clear legibility, permeable and impossible to strictly taxonomise. however 'straight' and 'cis' are not just neutral descriptors of another point on a spectrum, but strictly delineated boxes from which any deviation is punished. someone who's gender fluid or gender questioning isn't 'part cis' or 'midway between cis and trans' -- they have deviated outside the acceptable bounds of cishet social performance. & the reason these categories are so cleanly delineated is that unlike other categories they have entire hegemonic social apparatuses -- chiefly homophobia & transphobia -- dedicated to patrolling those descriptive borders of cisness and heterosexuality and brutally punishing anyone crossing them. & the same is simply not true of 'allosexuality' -- there is no such socially enforced category. when ace people face aphobia they are being punished for failing to perform heterosexuality, not just sexuality in general.

[echoes-of-mia]

okay this is a long ramble and kinda personal, so bear with me, but i want to talk about being aspec in the joker out fandom bc I'm full of emotions and i need to share them somewhere

(just a short warning for internalised aphobia before i go on)

for context, i identify as aspec, more specifically asexual and some flavour of aromantic. I've known about the ace part for about 3-4 years now, the aro part is more recent and I'd say that before, lets say, a couple of months ago, I'd always seen that as something negative, something that makes me miserable, a deficit that will always be there and that others will never understand

and then i joined the (tumblr) joker out fandom around... june of last year, probably? and at first i thought "theres no way there are many queer people in this fandom, its essentially a boyband, and other aspec people? no way"

well, oh boy was i wrong

because not only is this fandom, like what, 90% queer? (i know someone made a poll at some point but i dont remember the percentages) but it's also around 50% aspec. and there's just this general positivity and support surrounding the a-spectrum in the fandom. like, some days ago there was an aphobic comment somewhere and before i even saw it my dash was FLOODED with people defending aspec people and i was just sitting in the kitchen reading through the posts and crying.

and yes, this is tumblr, i could have seen this coming and it's probably different on other platforms, but so many aspec people in one place, in one fandom, is still something that I've never experienced before.

so why are so many aspec people drawn to a slovenian indie/shagadelic rock band that, at first glance, is just 5 very good-looking probably-straight guys making music? that doesnt really make sense, right?

and then you see how much more they are. how they interact with each other. how comfortable they are in their sexualities, in their masculinity, in being themselves. you see a group of friends that love each other so unashamedly it's a bit unbearable to watch sometimes. you don't see them holding back because "thats not their partner!" or "that's reserved for romantic relationships!", you just see love. you see them supporting each other, being physically affectionate, looking out for each other, laughing together, even living together. vse kar vem could easily be a romantic song, but it's about their friendship!!

and what is all of that, if not THE dream of many aspec people? to be okay with not feeling sexual or romantic attraction because you have your group of friends that you love the same amount as allosexual/-romantic people love their partner(s) and to show it, and to know that they love you the same (and won't replace you with romantic partners) because they also show it, without thinking twice about it, without thinking about how others might interpret your relationship because it just doesn't matter as long as you love each other.

so of course aspec people see themselves in joker out. we see hope for ourselves in them, we are probably a little (or in my case very) jealous of their friendship, we want what they have or we just love to finally see real people live with the sort of affection we would like to have. (just to clarify, this is based mostly on what i feel, so other aspecs might feel completely different about this, idk why I'm trying to generalise this)

and this is about all five of them, but to take jan and nace as an obvious example: they love each other so much that the fans start to speculate, and they know about it. but instead of hiding their affection, they just keep on doing what they're doing. because they know how they feel for each other, and it's no one else's business, and they won't be stopping their love just because of "conspiracy theories". and to me it doesn't matter how they love each other (platonic, romantic, whatever), it matters that they do and that you can't help but notice it, because they show it in every interaction we see of them. the damon baker photoshoot just confirmed that, they look at each other and the amount of love makes me cry, it's so incredibly beautiful.

(just some other things i want to mention: them probably cooking mostly potatoes because nace is glutenfree. nace calming down bojan after his panic attack in summer. jan and bojan casually kissing on the lips during a concert. the jure and bojan getting married photoshoot. bojan touching kris's hair during concerts. kris being carried around during a photoshooting. jure and jan drawing a heart together. them gathering around jure's drumset during concerts. i could go on but for my sanity and yours i won't, there are so many moments that just make me soft)

I'd love to be more physically affectionate with my friends, but every time there's this voice in the back of my head saying what society has conditioned it to say, which is that that kind of affection is reserved for romantic relationships, and this voice stops me every time. i feel like bojan, jan, jure, kris and nace either don't have that voice (anymore?) or they've just managed to ignore it, they don't hold back and i admire that as much as i wish i could be like that.

and while i still have a long way to go until i can be affectionate with my friends without worrying about it or holding myself back, joker out have shown me that it's possible, because of them i finally have days on which i think that i can be aspec and actually happy about it. being aspec finally feels as freeing as it should feel and I'm just grateful

joker out has allowed so much queer joy into my life without intending to and although i don't think anyone i know irl will ever understand this, i hope that some of you can relate to this in some way.

I've said this a lot during the past two weeks but i can never say it enough: all the love to my fellow aspecs, and also to all the non-aspec people who support us <3

feel free to add to this if you want to; my dms are always open if you want to talk about it without posting about it, i love hearing other people's thoughts about stuff like this ^^

[heart-freak]

its late and i am tired..but i feel like talking. okay. being aromantic and asexual is quite odd. th' concept itself is not very out of ordinary, but... the people do insist i can still date. still kiss. still fuck. have a qpr. ist dont want to do any of those things, ever, altho i agree..i coudl. if i wanted.but i dont. however, i dont wish to come off as cold... some may think the fact i dont want to be more than friends, even in a queer platonic way, makes me that way (god, even to aplatonic and afamiliar individuals. or loveless aros. or aroallos. however, im none of those things) but i think i am a very loving person. i love so much.i love my friends always. i say that, i do reciprocate things such as "i love you" , when said to me..usually. saying i love things is something i do often...well,mostly about things...but people too! many "i love my friends," posts. or thoughts. many many "i love my friends" thoughts. sometime i feel as if im not doing good for the people who are allosexual.. or asexuals who are into certain stuff. that existence is okay, tho i am sex repulsed and asexual,so ist dont enjoy it.. but i guess thats the clear dvidier there. i dont hate sex (or romance for that matter) but i just..mm.. disconnect from it. okay. have fun,dont bring me into it. you understand (i hope) and i say you can be like me..and still be such a loving person. or you can allosexual and alloromantic. or alloaro or alloace... ih not disgusting or abusive(i cant fahtom why individuals think these identites are abusive. can everyone earnestly say they wanted a serious relationship with everyone theyve found sexually appealing . or wanted to be in bed with everyone they had a crush on..seriously..) you can be dating someone only half the time..the other half you are a qpr...you know, a milion combinations, i feel, maybe you get the idea by now. also, i wish people would stop treating thes elike mental illness... can you believe it? i don't want a romantic partner...so im mentally ill? i dont want to have sex so i need mental help? do you hear your self. if you truly believe so, that it is mental illness, must you be rude about it? what does this achieve? you are just huritng someone. and..some people are that way because of trauma...so iguess you could say it about that, but, again, meaness doesnt help... besides, must we really fret over someone not wanting to fuck or be in a relationship>? ist not that deep,i think. we will all live through it. individuals like me do not hate people who have sex or smooch and call each other pet names... i certianly dont.. being rejected by an aro person is really not that different from being rejected form a person who's not into you, is it? the aroperosn is also nto into you..do you see what i mean? well. this is a rant now. i think ivbe written enough. goodnight

[nerves-nebula]

Do you have any loveless/heartless characters? I think they're real neat <3

this post got superrr long lol. im avoiding my homework <3

so this is a complicated ask for me because my definition of "love" is intentionally different from a lot of more mainstream conceptions of it. love isn't a feeling to me, it's something you DO for people you care about, right? you make someone feel loved by doing things that show you care. you putting in that effort and correcting your behavior for their sake is love.

so in that way i don't consider any of my characters loveless. because to me Love is something you chose to do so nobody can really be loveless inherently, they're just choosing not to act loving towards someone.

HOWEVER, from what i've gleamed from a quick google search about loveless aros, it doesn't necessarily seem that being loveless is exclusive to my definition of love?

like, i'm seeing loveless aros talk about not having those kinds of feelings or doubting/opting out of western ideas of love that don't fit them. some talk about not forming that kind of "deep emotional bond" though I'm confused if they mean like.. in general, or just romantically. cuz i've never had a deep romantic bond but i've never really considered that an indictment of Love Itself so much as a type of love that I'm just not a part of.

some people are describing it as specifically romantic love that they know they can't feel. but then again some people are just using it to mean they reject "love" as a label for their emotions/experiences, so like. idk.

it feels like im on the exact same page as a lot of these people it's just that their conclusion was to throw out the word love and mine was to not accept the premise that romantic love is the highest or most important kind of love and focus on, like, other forms of love that are important to me. like my siblings and friends.

soooo i can't say any of them are loveless for sure, cuz i don't identify that way and i'm not sure i grok it yet.

HOWEVER,

I do have aromantic characters, if that's what you mean. though a lot of them are in weird psychosexual situations with each other (just cuz i dont wanna have sex doesnt mean its not fun for my characters to), though there's one or two healthy QPRs thrown in there.

tbh my understanding (or lack thereof) of romance seeps into all of my characters so even the ones who are supposedly in love are doing it with hints of aromanticism cuz like. i dont care what a crush is, yknow? there's only so far romantic tropes can take me before i tap out and just do my own thing.

but as for like canonically aro characters i've got Hondo & quinn, dotty, toasty, Thomas (you guys don't know Thomas yet lol she's a peach), Ezra and Pet (pet is a weird monster tho and Ezra is sort of dead so idk if that counts), Misha Mistaka, Pasiflora, and probably my new one, Benbeck.

I also consider Groe aroace but that's like, a whole thing. cuz Groe is mostly known for having been married to Maureno (one of my characters i explicitly consider allosexual, if not alloromantic) and their relationship takes front and center at every point sfsdf.

because even when i dont see it as romantic i LOVE to make characters lives intertwined and dependent on each other. due to my own personal issues. to be honest i dont think groe and maureno are "in love" i just think they're inextricable dependent on each other. i think their "romance" is an inherently aromantic one because it's not about romantic feelings its about their friendship and trust, which includes kissing and sex sometimes but isn't diminished when they don't do those things.

I don't think Groe feels romantic feelings but i get that two characters who ostensibly have their weird fucked up "romance" be the core thing going on in their life isn't exactly the aromantic rep that ppl are looking for. i mean, it is for ME, but not for everyone.

i guess im just not Good Aro rep tho, cuz im not interested in romance but i AM interested in finding a person who i know I can depend on for everything and share my life with, yknow? i want someone who i know will always be on my side.

and that looks the same to a lot of poeple as romance but the experience of it was way different. cuz i can be with them forever and never want to do more than kiss their forehead as a sign of affection and that'd be great for me, while i KNOW that's unthinkable for a lot of people.

but when writing my characters it's hard to really portray that internal difference. so i think ppl just assume it's romance, and like, that's fine i guess?

so like, groe and maureno fuck cuz it's fun and cuz they have unresolved issues but it's not crucial or even really important to their relationship- to the point that they care WAY more about who each other is hanging out with than who each other is having sex with.

but now i'm rambling about asexuality and stuff.. uhhh the point is YES i have aromantic characters NO I dont know if they're "loveless"

but if a character isn't aromantic or at least aspec that's probably cuz i made a concerted effort to think of them as such.

[atertiary-culture-is]

Sorry to bother you, but could I ask what it's like to be afam? I'm realizing some of my behaviours seem kind of afam (openly not loving most* of my family, confusion and almost repulsion to my friend's "online mother", being uncomfortable with being compared to/jokingly called my pet's and my friend's family) but I don't actually know much about afam people and I'm not sure if this is caused by just having a weird (derogatory) family

*I like my aunt and my younger family and I guess my dad but even that feels different to how others seem to feel, aside from younger family. I'm not sure anymore, I guess it's better to ask and be wrong than to not and be right

.

Thanks for sending in this ask !

It is possible that you may find the afamilial label useful in describing your experiences, but you may also not find it a useful label.

Some of what you describe sounds like familial repulsion (which I also experience, but allofamilials may also experience and not all afamilials experience), and not feeling familial love. Afamilial includes disconnect from familial attraction / no familial attraction etc.

Both afamilial and allofamilial people may have familial trauma, or other bad experiences with family. Some may have perfectly normal or even good experiences with family. And some people may be afamilial due to trauma (labels like caedfamilial if one lost familial attraction due to trauma and have ptsd/cptsd, or erasfamilial for the same if they dont have ptsd/cptsd, are for that).

People describe familial attraction as wanting to be family with people, I don't know how it works myself though as Ive never felt it and I personally actively don't want to have any interaction w the bodys biological family or find found family, even if Im around them for financial dependence reasons rn.

Different afamilial people have different experiences, but I will talk about some things I experience related to my afamilial orientation:

-I don't wish to form familial bonds. I don't even want to consider my partners (Im allosexual and demiromantic, and atertiary) family even if I marry any of them at some point. I also don't want found family, and dislike that I live with the bodys biological family right now.

-I have never thought 'I want this person to be my family' or seen anyone 'as a parent/sibling/etc. figure', in fact even people who were that to me biologically I never actually wanted them to be that to me

-My orientation may be influenced by familial abuse - Im sick of how people get away with abusing me just bc theyre legally considered family

-It makes me very upset that, if I don't get married to another body, the bodys family will be given things like visitation rights or the right to make medical decisions for me if I am unable to, by law

-I never felt love towards the bodys family. When I was younger I felt really guilty for it, especially bc I didn't realise the bodys parenrs were abusive and I was constantly blaming myself for them abusing me

-For a while I thought that I only disliked the bodys family due to the abuse, but I realised I didn't want found family either

-The only way the 'found family' trope popular in queer media appealed to me was the idea of knowing other queer people, not being abused (though I am aware found family can be abusive too), and potentially having partners (back when I didn't have partners) - basically the family part itself did not appeal to me in the slightest

-I'm uncomfortable with being referred to as a sibling/sister/brother/parent/child etc. even jokingly - I also don't want to be a parent

-I genuinely don't understand how a spouse is automatically seen as family legally and socially. I view marriage as sexual and romantic, not familial, and if I were to marry someone I certainly don't want to 'start a family' with them

-I don't want to have pets either - both due to the way people assume pets become family, and due to being unable to take care of one (I know I can't handle that much responsibility for another life - like how I don't want to raise kids)

-I don't like being compared to people in the body's biological family - or made to feel like I cannot be anything more than who they are

My experiences are mainly of the no familial attraction, familial repulsed afamilial type so would not be reflective of all afamilial people

[aroanthy]

Besides Anthy what other characters do you are aro- or any kind of a-spec?

All Of Them.

on a more serious note, im very partial to the following aspec readings of characters:

aroace/aroace lesbian nanami; one thing to know about me is that i realised i was aromantic because of two things. the first is that i wrote a 55k word fanfiction about two side characters from the 2005 bbc political satire 'the thick of it' that was basically just me airing my fundamental discomfort with romantic relationships, and the second is watching her tragedy and the romance of the dancing girls for the first time. Yeag.

aromantic nanami is profoundly important to me and i really just resonate with her character on a personal level. like shes so me. i dont get it. i too have convinced myself of all kinds of taboo and 'weird' affections and feelings because i Dont Understand Romance (just as a side note: i understand why some people take the cold turkey 'nanami never considered romantic feelings for her brother!!' reading, but for me personally. i think it's important to consider nanami considering those feelings, specifically because they make her feel uncomfortable, alienated, etc. there's also lots of interesting things to be said about how incest can affirm heteronormativity (and how it can't!! but that's more of a kaoru twins can of worms)).

and there's other stuff but we needn't get into that. i love when other people feel able to talk in-depth about how their personal expereinces shape their responses to rgu, but im not quite at that point with certain things. i do also just really like reading nanami as an aroace lesbian bc i find her connection with utena specifically to be soooooo. gah. delicious. fascinating. devastating. and also i love aroace lesbains they are the best

asexual utena; i just think he's neat :} sometimes i feel hesitant to read characters as asexual if theyre teenagers or if they have sexual trauma and funnily (not) enough, utena is both! having said that, i recently decided 'fuck it' and have been thinking about this interpretation of his character more and more. like, my aromantic identity is partially political, partially trauma-informed, and i feel quite strongly about queerness in part being one's choice to define (or not define) themselves on their own terms, be they 'contradictory' or 'inaccurate' or whatever the hell else.

i also have a fondness for asexual masculine characters. me personally i read utena as butch and transmasc and i think it's really interesting to think about how that queer masculinity can be expressed outside of allosexuality, especially considering what rgu as a show tries to do wrt that matter. dont ask me about my feelings on ikuhara and false dichotomies of love and lust in his works or i WILL explode ok sarazanami is The aroallo show and im soooo normal about it all tbh

i have this kind of vague arospec touga reading that im always knocking about in my head but kind of scared to talk about online because like. it's quite a lot to get into and, as an aroallo person, i dont want to get into discourse about if it's problematic to read a character like touga in that way. bc like. i dont think it is. but that's because i'm basing this reading off of my own lived experience and understanding of what aromantic allosexuality can look like. to be honest, if i really had to stick labels on them (bc labels are a shorthand to me that never fully express the complexity of identity that i want to personally (writer disease)) i read anthy as an aromantic lesbian and touga as aromantic and gay. but normally you would have to waterboard that out of me because im terrified of how people who aren't aroallo respond to aroallo conceptions of like... Anything. lol.

i think the tldr of Why im compelled by those similar readings of their characters is. something about how terrifying and constraining and rigid and incomprehensible and inaccessible romance feels to me as a concept. and something else about how important sex is to me as a concept, and kind of. this radical sex positivity that is so essential, imho, to beginning to unpack the issues baked into our hetero- and amatonormative conceptions of romance and sex, and thus reclaim human connection as we please. blah blah blah wah wah wah body as a bargaining chip or whatever (guy who is mildly terrified of talking about these things for Reasons).

that's it for specific readings i have of specific characters, but i will say that i do find it hard to put myself in the shoes of certain characters if im thinking of them as alloromantic. like i think juri probably is but i dont not understand her conflict with shiori and why it agonises her so much. but tbf, most of my focus on juri as a character is her struggle for self-acceptance and her fascinating gender troubles. funnily enough, that's also kind of how i feel about saionji. they are just both so genderfuck self-hating gay plagued by the power dynamics and i love that for them.

anway yeag :} rejoice, aromanticism be upon ye

[skullinahat]

ranting

god, being asexual is so weird. the label has offered me more clarity and understanding about my personal social relations than any other. its also the one i'm the most conflicted about. i feel a frustrating disconnect with all of the discourse i've seen about it. i feel asexuality to be too prescriptive, (as i do much of queer discourse) i worry all the lines we draw about sexual activity and attraction only muddy the waters further instead of bring more clarity, i dislike the reinforcement of the concept of the allosexual, of the ''average'' sexual attraction. i fail to discover this ''average'' sexual attraction. i dont wish to reinforce the opposite our name implies.

asexuality feels caught between the societal pedestal of the virgin and the enforcement of (straight) sexual activity. the contradiction of the late bloomer and the slut. you have to have sex, but you can't have sex or you're disgusting. you have to have the right sex. all material, systemic oppression asexual people experience is rooted in misogny and homophobia. are asexuals therefore just posing as being oppressed? is it meaningful to draw a line between compulsory heterosexuality and compulsory sexuality? does it offer further insight or rather hide the true origin of our oppression? is there really a blanket expectation to just have sex?

is the consistent virgin-shaming within queer spaces simply an extension of compulsory heterosexuality? is it wrong to give it it's own name? is allosexual actually an enforced category?

[ichor-for-the-incubus]

not sure if this is an ask youve gotten before, how does DID affect ur sex life if you mind sharing? ive done alot of research about the subject, and was curious. if you dont wanna respond to that that's okay. remember we can be mentally ill and horny all we want 💕

This really took a lot longer to get to than planned. But I do want to finally answer this- we got off track due to a lot of stuff going on personally so it wasn't anything bad with this in specific. I do want to preface most people would be fucking weirded out by this questions so probably don't go around randomly asking people that- but if I recall correctly one of our alters stated we're fine with invasive questions so it is a-okay when it's us lmfao

It also makes our sexuality a bit odd. Some alters are more so asexual and other alters are aromantic and allosexual (we say we're allosexual because most alters are and we have a lot of very hypersexual alters).

When it comes to certain alters fronting (being in control of the body in layman's terms) that can really change how we approach sex and what we're into. One alter is more into pet play + subbing than the majority of other alters are. Some of our alters are strict doms, strict subs, some are strict service tops, some are power bottoms- a lot are fine being switchy as well. It all depends on the alter fronting. Which then also sometimes makes relationships weird because what we are willing to do and what we actively love or want to do can shift- it can be annoying to a partner when something we can usually give is just suddenly off the table for a period of time.

For us it really is like having multiple people in one body- when it comes to the variety in alters' ways of dom/sub styles, kinks, and so on.

Accepting I had DID and was a system was helpful for understanding how we approach sex and sexuality and why we have so many varying wants. The wants and the kinks and the things we're into stay constant- but they're constant to specific alters and not constant to the entirety of our system. Saying we're a switch is so much easier than explaining we're all these different things depending upon specific variables that may be subject to change due to alters not always staying as they are.

A thing that's more tied to trauma than to just our DID is the alters who are super sexual almost always when they front. One of them is an incubus*. The incubus alter also tends to be incredibly promiscuous leading to us having to basically make any relationship we're in an open one because of their tendencies. This also goes for more alters as well. And it gets more difficult because some alters don't like the people we do one off things with. (It's been solely online and the only thing stopping us from going out irl is the whole... excessive agoraphobia though we do have a partner we're in a polyam relationship with us).

*to explain non-human alters briefing, no he is not delusional they know it is physically human. The nonhuman thing more so happens to be symbolic of trauma/an idea of what they want to be/identify with. Like a persona versus a real image of yourself

Please do not take this as us speaking for all people with DID- it's just our own experience.

[the-grand-av3]

Time for a teaching lesson on labels since Alastor is an old fashioned man and doesn't understand much! tl;Dr: I just explained Aroace to alastor!!! huge text wall warning Asexual, commonly called ace, is described as little to no sexual attraction. This is an umbrella term, as there are many labels underneath it, but we don't have all day to go through them. Anyway. People who are asexual, including yours truly (me), may experience a plethora of feelings! Like, for example, in my case, being disgusted by the thought of having sex with someone else. However, not all asexual's are sex-repulsed! Some just don't wanna fuck. However, there is no shame in this! Be who you are <3 If anyone else is reading this and thinks "well, sometimes I have sexual feelings but its not all the time-" YOU'RE STILL VALID!!!! Asexuality isn't just none or all (Allosexual is all.) it's a spectrum! Also, its not just related to sex. It can be sexual feelings in general, like for example, you prefer someone's personality over how they look. A huge ass doesn't cover up a nasty personality, does it? No! This also doesn't stop people from having feelings all together, or having romantic feelings! They can still have those! There's also a sister term, often coined together with Asexuality, but can be its own thing. Aromantic. Aromantic is described as little to no romantic attraction. Fair warning, I haven't researched a lot on Aromanticism, as I first came out as Asexual, and then came out as Aroace, so I never had the chance to research Aromanticism as much as I did Asexuality. Someone who is aromantic may experience some romantic attraction, but not a lot! It's still an umbrella term just like its sister! THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A MONSTER!!! Only what you do with anything else makes you one! Aromantic people can still experience sexual attraction, its not all or none, its like I said a spectrum! Aromantic and Asexual are often seen together coined together as "Aroace" Someone who is AroAce may experience some or an all together lack of romantic or sexual attraction! It's not just one thing <3 So, Alastor, if you're ever confused on why people call you an "ace card" they're just saying they think you might be asexual, or Aroace, or aromantic! They're just using terms that we're familiar with, but you're not! ALSO IM NOT A PROFESSIONAL I JUST BASED THIS OFF MY OWN EXPERIENCES AND GOOGLE PLEASE RESEARCH IF THIS INTERESTS YOU DONT TAKE MY WORD AND MY WORD ONLY

Ah. I see.

Couldn't possibly apply to me! Just haven't found the one, hm? I've transcended the need for love. Not needed. Not for me.

Ha.

wow your ego is so inflated youve convinced urself ur better than love

When youre just asexual

How did.. papa and dad have me then...

I AM NOT YOUR FATHER.

[earl-grey-love]

I've been reading a lot of books lately and it really has been a great medium for self-discovery. Learning what I do and don't like, what works in plots vs what doesn't, character likeability etc. It's definitely going to help me as a writer. But also a person, weirdly enough.

I'm not someone who really steps out of my comfort zone. I'd always replay/watch the same games/movies/tv shows/anime/music. Only really read fics or books I loved as a teen as well I'll be honest lol. But kinda in the last two years I started changing that. Mainly cus my mental health improved enough for me to cope w unfamiliarity or darker themes, but also due to boredom. The enclosure lacked fresh stimuli.

For example, I never would have touched Mad M*n with a ten-foot pole a few years ago. Now I'd rate it as one of the best shows I have ever seen. And due to that, I was able to realise that I want to write something like that, and that writing something like that is possible. Which I never would have known I was compelled by such a thing if I never stopped watching lord of the rings on repeat.

[rouge-the-bat]

Hey I have been struggling lately and don’t really have anyone to talk to who would understand. I’m a nonbinary mspec lesbian and sometimes I have (sorry for the tmi) high sex drive but also I go through bouts of being sex repulsed is there something wrong with me or could I also be on the asexual spectrum? I don’t know much about the asexual community and as soon as I say I’m a mspec lesbian I get a lot of hate/harassment and stuff. I don’t know who else to turn to tbh.

hey sorry youve been struggling :Oo yea it sucks not having many ppl in the community to come to :( i may not have much energy to, but i like trying to help if i can! (also hey nonbinary mspec lesbian solidarity!)

first off, ill say that sex drive, sexual attraction, and being sex [favorable/indifferent/repulsed] are all separate categories, that can sometimes coincide or effect each other, but not always!

for example, i may be asexual and sex repulsed, but i still have a bit of a sex drive- which basically means my body will get into Moods sometimes unrelated to anyone (well, besides for a couple fictional characters, but no one irl) and i just have to take care of that to get it over with. my sex drive doesnt match up with my lack of sexual attraction and discomfort with the idea of engaging in sex. there can be any sort of mix and match of these three categories for people, and they can fluctuate too for some!

at the very base of it, asexual is specifically about lacking sexual attraction (or for the acespectrum- not experiencing it as often as others). which means some aces dont engage in sex but some do. some aces have no sex drive while others have high ones. it all varies by person! and in my experience the ace community does accept those that are allosexual (does have sexual attraction) but lack a sex drive or are sex repulsed, as a lot of aces tend to experience those too in varying degrees and are here to support those with different relationships with sex, whatever way it may be.

sex repulsion doesnt automatically mean theres something wrong- if its caused by something of a distressing nature then its potentially something to seek help for if thats what youd want, but otherwise its nothing alarming. my sex repulsion isnt sourced from anything, i just find the idea of partaking in sex to be deeply uncomfortable and gross to me. i dont like genitalia or bodily fluids or insertion or anything.

and sometimes each of these categories can be fluid for some, some will have a rare case of sexual attraction, or their sex drive can spike some days, or sometimes theyre sex indifferent and the next day theyre sex favorable or sex repulsed, or any other number of things.

theres a lot of terms out there that im not familiar with, but there could be something out there specifically about fluctuating sex repulsion under the ace umbrella. but whether there is or not, if you think during these times of sex repulsion that simply "ace" is a viable label to get your feelings across (like in a "well theres Something going on here with my relation to sex" way), even temporarily or on the occasion, then i say go for it!

i hope any of these helps at all! if you have more questions or anything just lmk and ill do my best to help :3!

[acespec-ed]

hi! im a recently questioning aceflux and im wondering if im just confusing attractions if that makes sense? im also on the aromantic spectrum (unlabeled) but im not sure if that has much to do with me questioning if im aceflux or not. in my experience, i havent felt much attraction to people I've met or come across in my life in either a sexual or romantic way. im able to tell when someone is relatively attractive or someone who i think is pretty perhaps in an aesthetic sense but i dont find myself ever fantasizing about anything more than a friendship with them and i certainly dont fantasize anything sexual with anyone I've come across. i did consider myself bi because i know that when i do ever experience attraction, i am attracted to both men and women but i havent met one im attracted to beyond the "oh they're so pretty/gorgeous" or whatever else. i mostly have romantic or s*xual fantasies abt fictional characters which i know is something totally different from feeling attracted to real ppl so that part doesnt concern my questioning process. aside from a few celebrity crushes i did consider labelling myself as demisexual but i thought the feeling attracted to celebrities would invalidate that so i never went with being demisexual. in my head i would think of celebrities as people who are unattainable like fictional characters were except these ppl are actually REAL so i thought that would be something to invalidate my aceness (again, im questioning if im aceflux). im just not sure, i mean i find some celebrities hot, yes, but nothing really beyond that and i havent met ppl that i would fantasize about or have made me feel "butterflies" or anything remotely sexual. in fact, thats probably something i shy away from. i dont know if im valid for questioning whether or not im aceflux or if im something else or if im simply allosexual. i was hoping someone can give some advice or maybe if there are others who feel the same way i do??? i dont know. im still figuring things out. thanks for reading all of this!

Well, nothing in this ask really indicates that you're aceflux. Usually it's when your feelings of sexual attraction fluctuate, or you fluctuate through a bunch of acespec labels (feeling demi one week, aegosexual the next sort of thing). Maybe I'm misreading your ask or there's stuff you left out but I'm not getting any aceflux vibes at all. I'm not exactly sure what you mean by finding celebrities "hot." Is it just, aesthetic attraction? Is it, you can see why people would find a celebrity hot? Or is it actual sexual attraction?

You didn't do much elaborating on the sexual fantasies, which is understandable, but also makes it hard for me to judge if you've been feeling sexual attraction or not. Sometimes people assume sexual fantasies = sexual attraction. But some asexuals who never experience sexual attraction, have had sexual fantasies. It comes down to the contents of the fantasies. If you're not in the fantasies, you could be aegosexual. If you are in the fantasies, it's possible you are feeling sexual attraction. But it depends on what you're doing in the fantasies and if those feelings are directed towards a specific person.

It doesn't sound like you're demisexual at all, because nothing in this ask shows that you've ever been sexually attracted to a real life person. And demis typically are. Judging from this ask, I can confidently say you have never been sexually attracted to a real life person. (Possibly not romantically either.)

I think you're just having trouble understanding what sexual attraction is even supposed to feel like, which is the most common asexual experience in the world. I've felt the full effects of sexual attraction: There is a magnetic pull to engage in sexual activities with a specific person. It's usually accompanied by sexual fantasies of yourself with that person. There is usually a "I would have sex irl with this person if they were consenting and there were no consequences" desire with it. Sometimes libido gets triggered, depending on current hormone levels. For many allos, all of that is paired together. Some acespecs only experience bits and pieces of that- which is when there's acespec labels explaining what parts they can feel.

If it is actual sexual attraction you're feeling towards fictional characters/celebrities, there's a label for that specifically: proculsexual. Personally, I feel like that term is more accurate for you than aceflux, but I'm only basing that off the contents of this ask. You know yourself better than I do. I'll also give a quick mention of fictosexual- only sexually attracted to fictional characters. But as far as I know, that doesn't include actual celebrities. Maybe if you're only attracted to the characters that celebrity plays though.

You can use however many of these labels you want. There's no limit! Though if you decide you'd rather use umbrella terms like acespec or gray ace, that's fine too. You can also just call yourself asexual if that makes you happy. 💜

[neopronouns]

sorry if youve answered this already, if you have you can just ignore me but i dont really understand what xeno-aligned is saying at all, its just not comprehending in my mind at all, yknow? id really appriciate it if you could word it in a way id understand better and also maybe explain how its alloarophobic because well. i dont even know what theyre talking about and im not as well versed in whats alloarophobic and whats not. again you can ignore me if you want for any reason i just thought id ask!!

you’re fine, i’m happy to explain! it’s much better to ask questions than to just continue being confused, and i’m always down to explain topics like this.

so xeno-aligned has been doubling down on the opinion that ‘aspec’ means ‘asexual spectrum’. they are using the suffix ‘-sexual’ to mean ‘oriented’ or ‘attracted’, meaning that ‘asexual’ in their definition means ‘not feeling attraction’. basically, they are saying that there’s two definition of ‘asexual’ - one for personal identity, meaning that someone doesn’t feel sexual attraction, and one for the community/spectrum, meaning anyone who doesn’t feel some form of attraction.

people, especially alloaros and other non-ace aros, are angry because they’re equating ‘asexual’ with any a- orientation - aromantic, aplatonic, analterous, etc - rather than simply changing the word they’re using from ‘asexual’ to something more inclusive like ‘a-oriented’. recently, non-ace aros have been trying very hard to teach people about our identities and hopefully have more people learn and recognize that not every aromantic person is asexual, so this is a distinction in language that’s important to a lot of us.

many of us don’t want the asexual label pushed onto us, and we’ve continuously tried to tell xeno-aligned what they’re doing wrong, while they just keep repeating the same points. it is alloarophobic to insist that aromantic allosexual people are inherently asexual, no matter the definition of asexual you’re using, because we are not asexual and we want people to stop equating aromantic with asexual.

basically, xeno-aligned is insisting upon using outdated language that the community is trying to change to be more inclusive, all while refusing to listen to the people they are harming with this rhetoric.

[ask-asexual-crystal-gems]

“But why are aliens that appear at first glance to be more or less human being used here as a conduit to talk about real world problems and asexuality?”

Well, dear reader, there’s an answer for that.

Whether you’re aromantic/asexual and allistic, or autistic and alloromantic/allosexual, there’s a very common experience shared among both communities.

https://themighty.com/topic/autism-spectrum-disorder/feeling-alien-inner-space-autistic/

There appears to be also direct high overlap between ace spectrum and autism spectrum people.

I’m not diagnosed as autistic, mind you. And I dont claim self-dx either and don’t intend to get sucked into a big debate about that controversy. This space is about asexuality. (lack of official diagnosis is mainly due to some concerns about what happens afterwards) Maybe one day I’ll dedicate a different sideblog to study on that debate (I can almost hear Entrapta giggling in the corner) but today is not that day. You can refer to me as allistic or autist as you see fit. I’m not here to enforce anything. DM me if you want but I’m not posting Asks about it.

My only aim in putting that there is to draw a commonality between two things that seem to have a lot of statistical concurrence (also gender nonconformity does too). (I am thereby relating them to a trio of fictional aliens)

EDIT: I just realized that the abbreviation of this blog is AACG and that makes my biology brain happy. HeeHeeHee.

Very important note before proceeding to my blog: I understand some people may not be at a point in their mental health journey where they can shrug off what other people think. Feeling invalidated sucks, and I look forward to the day where I can just bounce along doing my own thing. I already have at least a couple days like that out of the week, thankfully.

I guess Asexuality and Aromanticism primes you for that mightily, given that 9 out of 10 people will attempt to invalidate you.

You learn that to get through life happy, you have to do the mind training to undo those reactions you have. People are gonna think what they think.

It’s especially rewarding to see people who have been beavering away at integrating body positivity into their minds, when they reach that point where someone can say something insensitive or outright ‘ur fat and ugly’ and they just blow a raspberry and get on with their day.

I understand that mental resilience is a difficult skill to master.

It takes a lot of time.

But that does not obligate me to bend my opinions to your will. If you are ticked off by anything I might say, I will apologize for offending you, especially if I’ve taken up an attitude (if we can then be polite to each other) but that doesn’t change my opinion.

Take time to examine where feelings of being invalidated might arise from.

(one example: as https://contentmint.tumblr.com/post/639060296158396417 )

(another example: https://ask-asexual-crystal-gems.tumblr.com/post/646220121610895360/kadywicker-listen-you-can-say-capitalism-makes

And I’m not trying to tone police either. You can post whatever you like to your own blog.

If you think that’s constructive.

There was one point in my character arc where I probably *would have engaged you at all times, and set all that aside.

But now?

I personally most of the time just don’t feel like interacting with you, especially if you’re cussing at me.

F*** in particular is a patriarchal term, unlike other curse words, and usually I want none of it.