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wkemeup · 4 years

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By Any Other Name (5)

series summary: When Special Agent Bucky Barnes is tasked with infiltrating the notorious gang Hydra and gathering evidence against its leader, Brock Rumlow, Bucky finds himself drawn to the woman who doesn’t seem to belong in this world of violence, the wife of the head of Hydra… you. pairing: bucky x reader chapter word count: 5.4k warnings: thoughts of smut (we’re l o n g i n g here fam), physical violence, bucky actually does some undercover work, that good ol’ cleaning-your-wounds trope 🌹series masterlist 🌹

You were in trouble.

Wrinkles up by blue-grey eyes and that slight little curve over pink lips every time you walked in the room, a nod in acknowledgement that carried like a secret amongst a crowd of a men.

With his position in the corner of the room and your husband front and center addressing a battalion, the burn of a gentle, watchful gaze followed you as you passed by to the kitchen. James Karpov was surely going to be the death of you.

There was nothing more than innocent conversations between you; late nights in your library just reading together and walking around Brooklyn accompanying you on mindless errands. It was harmless on the surface, something you could easily disregard as a convenient acquaintance filling a void of a companionship you’d lost years ago.

But you weren’t foolish enough for that. You could recognize the twist of nerves in your stomach when he met your eye, when he showed up in your library late at night carrying the latest book you’d lent to him that week, and when he waved over to you and Peter as you made your way to the bridge on Sunday afternoons.

Perhaps, if your time with James was as innocent as you wanted to believe, you wouldn’t be putting in so much effort into hiding it from your husband.

James seemed to know better, at least. He was cautious with you and you could sense the sliver of hesitation when he came too close to crossing a line he couldn’t come back from, the halted breath he stifled, before he ultimately backed away.

There would be a slight flinch in his hand when his stride fell too close to yours and your knuckles would graze against one another in your pace. He’d clear his throat, eyes darting down to the floor and blush in his cheeks when you’d stare at one another for too long, words trailing off to silence because sometimes just sitting with him in the quiet was enough.

He had nervous ticks, you’d come to realize; ones that surprised you for a man of his position in Hydra. He liked to push his hair behind his ears, raking his fingers through the thick, brunette waves incessantly and shifting on his feet. He'd chuckled nervously, trying to laugh off something real as a joke, and it was nothing if not incredibly endearing.

You began to long for the way he’d flop down onto the couch in your library with you in the late hours of the evening, long after Brock had gone to sleep, in the quiet, stolen moments when you could smell the faint scent of his body wash and his thigh would brush yours. The fact that he made no effort to move away didn’t pass your notice.

You cherished every stolen smile from across the room, the secret knowing glances that conveyed a world of meaning, of having shared moments together and inside jokes and something that was entirely your own, something that reminded you of the way things had been before Hydra, before your husband.

James reminded you of who you could have been without Brock, who you were, who you still could be.

It was dangerous -- you knew that -- to care for him in this way.

You felt no loyalty to Brock, no love shared between you in years. Even in your youth when you’d loved him, you knew now that he never once felt even an ounce of what you had. Everything he did was calculating and political; including his relationship with you. Brock’s jealousy and possessiveness had nothing to do with affection and everything to do with his need to control and place you on display. To show his men that he’d won the trophy and to assert his power by putting a bullet through anyone who so much as looked at you.

It also served to keep you alone and isolated. He liked to keep you dependent, trapped. It was the only way you’d stay. It was your only choice.

You’d accepted that for a while. For nearly three years.

Until James.

It became harder and harder to fall into the role Brock had assigned for you, to let him parade you on his arm at fundraiser galas he’d funnel into Hydra’s pockets, to let him kiss you and touch you, to lay by his side at night and feel the cage of his arms around you like a mindless doll that could have been just about anyone as far as your husband was concerned.

He’d had his affairs, slept with models and women looking to increase their status within Hydra for a price. You hadn’t cared. You welcomed it. It kept him from his desires to take you to bed for a while, at least. He was always too rough, too eager and disregarding of whether your body was attuned to his or whether you were ready for him. You learned to tune it out after a while. He never lasted long, anyway.

It was the moments late at night, when you dared to wonder whether James would be gentle with you, that scared you the most.

You closed your eyes, curled as far away from Brock as you could manage, nearly hanging off the side of the bed, and let yourself dream about how James’ hands would feel running down your arms, over your back, along your spine.

You wondered if his hands were calloused and rough from years of labored work or smooth and soft like Brock’s. You thought of the sweet way his lips curved into that half smile, how it lit up into the pale blue of his eyes and illuminated golden flecks hidden deep in his irises. You wondered how warm his breath might feel as it ghosted over your skin.

Caught up in the fantasy of stepping past the line drawn in the sand, you dreamed of touching his chest, of curling your fingers into the nape of his hair, of kissing at his cheekbones, his jawline, and nipping at his lips.

Lush and pink and so incredibly soft.

But it was on the darkest of nights, as Brock slept soundly beside you, an arm thrown over your waist like an anchor sinking you to the depths of the ocean, that you dared to imagine how James might kiss at your neck, how his hand roaming over your side might dip just a little lower under fabric and seeking heat, if his fingers might slip between your legs and find solace there.

You wondered how he would feel, what it would be like to be as close as two people can be, if the stretch would ache just enough. You wondered if he’d rock into you to prolong the high or if he’d take you rushed and rough. You wondered if he’d still kiss you after he came.

Dangerous thoughts.

***

“Hey Mr. Karpov!” Peter sprinted out ahead of you, chasing down to where James was leaning with his back against a lamp post near the water. He grinned as Peter ran up to him, pushing himself off the post and chuckling to himself.

“Hey kid,” James raised his hand and gave Peter a high five. He turned to you with a softer smile that nearly made your knees give out as he said, “hey Y/n.”

“Hey,” you replied as easily, chewing on your lip. It was getting hard to shove those dangerous thoughts beneath the surface when he looked at you as sweetly as he did.

“So, you going to sneak me into the Lernaean yet?” Peter asked for the seventh Sunday in a row. He was relentless and James had been nothing but charming in every instance he turned him down.

You didn’t know how to express your gratitude because you knew just about every other Hydra member wouldn’t have batted an eye to sneak an underage kid into the club. They were easier targets to sell their product to. Young. Naïve. Looking to fit in.

But James wasn’t like the rest of them.

“Try again next time, Pete,” James chuckled, shaking his head. Peter didn’t seem bothered by it at all as he shrugged dramatically. He turned to leave, as he usually did, but James clearly his throat, an apologetic look on his face and suddenly, your heart was sinking. “I’m sorry, but I can’t stick around today.”

“Oh,” was all you said. You winced at how disappointed you sounded.

He clenched his jaw, nodding. “I’ve got business for the boss out of town today.”

“What kind of business does a bouncer need to do?” Peter questioned, and thankfully, James was just as quick on his feet.

“Checking out security for the club at a vender in Jersey. Don’t be so nosy, punk,” James replied without missing a beat. He ruffled Peter’s hair until he swatted James’ away, though it was amusing to watch.

You didn’t know what business your husband assigned for him, but you knew what James did for a living, so you knew it was nothing good. It was impossible to merge the idea of James as Brock knew him to the James you did. You couldn’t imagine him doing the things Jack Rollins’ had been capable of when he was alive. You’d heard the stories, the chatter amongst the men in the living room, of how he’d beaten men to death and shot them down in the street on nothing but an order from your husband.

You couldn’t stand to think of James in that way. It was a dissonance, an irregularity, a mistake. It went against every instinct you had and you were usually better at reading people than this.

“So, what are you still doing here?” you asked awkwardly, swallowing back your disappointment. “If you’re supposed to be out of town, I mean.”

James turned to you, a slight sigh in his breath and he looked about as disappointed as you felt. “I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn’t just skipping town and blowing you off.”

Heat burned in your cheeks and you nodded, looking down at the ground. So many divots in the pavement and scuff marks from bicycles and skateboards in the sidewalk...

“That’s, uh, that’s very kind of you, James.”

He couldn’t just say those sorts of things to you and expect your heart not to swell a dozen sizes. You were certain if you looked up at him, you’d be met with ocean blue eyes that could see right into your soul and you weren’t quite sure you could handle that.

“Next time,” James started, pulling a phone from his pocket and handing it to Peter, who started typing it in without being told, “I’ll call and let you know. Alright?”

You raised an eyebrow as Peter handed the phone back to James. He typed into the screen, chewing on his lip as he deleted part of the message and retyped it again before hitting send. Then, your pocket buzzed and you pulled it out to find a message from an unknown number.

For next time – James.

And just like that, you were smiling so wide, you had to chew on the inside of your cheek just to reign it in a little. Peter was snickering to himself, surely enjoying your fluster and James, as sweet as he is, didn’t say a word.

“Smart thinking,” you said, holding up the phone in acknowledgement before you slipped it back into your pocket.

James shrugged, winking at you. “I should head out.” He turned to Peter. “Don’t give your cousin such a headache today, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir,” Peter grinned.

James gave you that soft smile, the subtle nod, and he turned to walk towards the subway.

But then your heart started to clench and suddenly, you found yourself chasing up to him. He was surprised to find you on his heels and froze on the sidewalk, glancing around you thinking there might be some sort of danger, but your hand gripped at his forearm, grabbing his attention back to you.

“Just be careful, will you?”

You swallowed nervously, voice impossibly small, and James’ entire demeanor shifted. A sense of relief followed by something you couldn’t quite place. A sadness, maybe?

He nodded, pushing out a smile that curved ever so slightly on his lips. “Of course. I’ve still got half the Harry Potter series to finish, don’t I?”

You laughed, feeling the tension quickly dissipate at the memory. He was surprised to find you had modern first editions too and you almost whacked him upside the head when he told you he’d never read the series before.

“See you tomorrow, Y/n.”

“Okay.”

You watched as he turned to head back down the street, the slight swagger in his steps, the weight of his walk, hands shoved into his pockets as he glanced down the street before crossing to the other side. You hardly noticed Peter come up beside you.

“I like that guy,” he said simply, as if you didn’t already know how much Peter had come to idolize James. The thought alone would have terrified you a few months back, before you really knew him and he was just the enforcer to the organization you loathed, but now, it only made you smile.

“Yeah,” you sighed, turning to Peter and nodding for him to follow you to the lunch spot you were going to offer to bring James, “me, too.”

***

This was the last place Bucky wanted to be.

Most of the time, when he was sent on these sorts of assignments undercover, he’d rather be sitting on the couch in Steve’s basement, watching football on the big screen and rooting against whatever team Sam was for. He’d rather have a cold beer in his hand and a sweatshirt over his shoulders and massive bowl of Peggy’s buffalo chicken dip, though he still didn’t know how a Brit perfected his favorite football snack.

But lately, since meeting you, he’d found himself picturing sitting on the end of your sofa under warm blankets long after the sun set, the smell of sweet herbal tea wafting from your mug on the coffee table, the crisp sound of pages turning – yours a little faster than his – and the way you’d glance up over the bridge of your book to check for his expression, wondering if he got to your favorite part yet.

Hell, he’d happily take strolling mindlessly through Brooklyn, following on your heels through your list of errands as watching you interact with the owners, that bright shining smile on your face. He’d rather be anywhere you were, he realized, and it made his blood run cold.

No – instead, he was walking up to an abandoned factory building in on the outskirts of D.C. with graphiti on the walls and the distinct smell of sulfur hanging in the air. Rumlow sent him to check on the progress of Cerberus, the drug they were trying to perfect, because it was still killing more users than it was addicting.

Fury had sent Bucky’s sample to the lab and they were still working on decoding its makeup. It was a nasty concoction of a whole lot of bad as far as he was concerned, and he didn’t much care what was in it as long as it could be used to put Rumlow and all his men behind bars.

Bucky shoved his shoulder into the door, the squeak of the old metal and rust echoing through the room. Inside, was a series of long tables and dozens of men and women working with masks over their faces and gloves on their hands as they handled the bright red powder. It was loud, the whirring sounds of the machines taking up much of the space and voices calling over one another.

Bucky slid his way down the aisle, carefully observing until he came upon a short, round man with glasses sitting on the brim of his nose.

“Ah, Mr. Karpov,” he greeted, thick German accent. “I’m glad to see you made it.”

“What do you want, Zola?” he grumbled. It was the second part of his assignment. Check the progress. Attend to whatever Zola was bothering the boss about; something about an out of line employee with sticky fingers.

“Straight to the point I see.” Zola pulled off his gloves and nodded for a woman standing behind him to take his place. He turned to Bucky. “Come with me.”

Bucky clenched his jaw, following him through the aisles of tables filled with stacks and bricks of Cerberus until they came upon a room in the vary back of the factory. It was locked and Zola took nearly a full minute to punch in the code.

When the door opened, Bucky was surprised to find a man strapped to a chair at the center of the room, hands bound by rope to the arm rests and mouth covered with tape. His eyes widened upon seeing Bucky, fear jolting through him, and the muffled screaming started.

“Hush now,” Zola warned, the condescending shit that he was. He gestured to the man. “This is Benny Ripley. We discovered that he’s been skimming our product in the lower east side. Four dime bags in the last week! Isn’t that right?”

Benny was talking, shouting maybe, against the tape but Bucky couldn’t understand a word of it.

“He must be an example to the rest of our dealers, James,” Zola said and Benny’s eyes went wide, his head shaking back and forth. “We can't allow them to believe we are the forgiving type. Do you understand?”

This man talked to him like he was all muscle and no brain. It took nearly everything in him not to wrap his hands around the tiny little man and shove him to the wall himself.

But instead, he muttered, “of course, sir.”

“Good.” Zola wiped off his hands. Benny was still talking, voice still muffled, and Zola rolled his eyes, darting a hand to the side of the man’s face and bluntly ripping away the tape, leaving a bright red mark in its place.

Benny didn’t even take time to wince or cry or stretch out his jaw before he was begging.

“Please man, don’t do this.” His voice was cracking as he stared at Bucky. “I’ve-- I’ve got kids! They had me test the stuff a few months back and now I’m-- I’m-- fuck. The shits expensive, okay! I didn’t-- I didn’t know what else to do. Please, just let me go, man. I’ll-- I’ll do anything.”

Bucky hated this part of the job.

It was one thing when it was a low life sonuvabitch but this guy? Shit. He was one of the ones that got roped into this life without much of a choice and judging by the look in his eye and the flash of his stare down to the gun strapped on Bucky’s hip, he was scared.

Bucky hated it when they were scared.

It wasn’t the first time he’d dirtied his hands for Hydra and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. It certainly didn’t help his conscious in the meantime.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Zola grinned.

Fucking bastard.

No one ever specified what it was he was required to do. It was his best workaround. He’d rough the guy up a bit and send him on his way. Bruises healed. Bullets were a little more complicated.

“Come on man,” Benny begged again, trying to wiggle his way out of the chair.

Bucky wanted to tell him to just stop talking, to stay still and take it and it would be over soon. He’d be careful with his hits. He knew how to punch just hard enough to cause bruising but to avoid cracking bones. It’ll look like a mess, but he’ll heal.

He wanted to tell him to stop looking at him like he was a fucking killer, but he knew his cover, and James Karpov wouldn’t have given a second thought to beating the guy to death.

So, he ignored Benny’s pleas and threw the first punch to the side of his face. He stepped back, shaking out his hand, and the poor guy kept begging. He only stopped after the fourth hit, when blood was spewing from his mouth and his skin was beet red. Bucky kept going until his knuckles were raw and broken and Benny’s head hung forward in the chair. He’d lost consciousness.

Bucky had been hoping it would happen sooner, but the guy was a fighter. He toughed it out longer than he should have.

With a heavy groan, Bucky untied Benny’s arms and hulled his body up over his shoulder. He kicked open the door to the office with a thunderous boom and the entire factory went silent. He marched down to the center of the crown, ignoring the hushed whispers of the workers and the prideful smirk on Zola’s face as he dropped Benny down to the ground.

“Steal from our shit, this is what happens!” Bucky called out, pointing down to Benny. He was unmoving on the ground, blood dripping from his mouth onto the concrete. Gasps filled the otherwise completely silent room. “I won’t be as kind with the next one!”

His words echoed up through the rafters and Bucky desperately wished he was in your library with you, listening to your soft humming and you picked out the next book on your list for him, instead of being on the receiving end of so many terrified stares.

“Get back to work!” he shouted, waving his arm and everyone turned back to their tables instantly, the machines kicking back into gear, though no one was talking.

“Good job Mr. Karpov,” Zola said, nudging Benny’s arm with the toe of his shoe and giggling when it fell limply back to the ground.

“You need anything else?” Bucky grumbled.

Zola shook his head, still grinning down at Benny’s unconscious frame. “No, no. This is quite enough.”

Thank god.

***

“This is why I keep you around, Karpov,” Rumlow smirked, pouring two glasses of scotch from the crystalline container on the bar cart. He passed a glass to Bucky, despite his reluctance to accept, and leaned back against the desk. “I heard you scared the shit out of that place.”

Bucky nodded, taking a sip of the amber liquid because simply being in a room alone with Rumlow was reason enough to drink. It burned in his throat and down his chest.

“Had to make an example.”

“Personally, I would have just killed him.” Rumlow shrugged, throwing back nearly half his glass in a single gulp. He smacked his lips, sighing at the taste or the feeling or the bloodlust – Bucky didn’t know. Rumlow raised a finger to him, extending from the hand gripped around the glass. “I admire your creativity.”

“Figured it would have more impact to see the guy walking around for the next two months with all that shit on his face than seeing a body for a few hours,” Bucky said, detesting the words as they came out.

“Genius!” Rumlow laughed, finishing the rest of his glass. Buck had hardly made a dent. “Knew I liked you for a reason.”

Bucky pushed out the most of a smile he could manage. It was tight and barely in a thin line and it certainly didn’t reach his eyes, but Rumlow didn’t seem to care. He set the empty glass down on the desk and swung around the other side to grab his coat. Bucky raised a brow.

“You heading out, sir?” he asked. It was nearing on two in the morning.

Rumlow nodded. “Got a meeting downtown.”

The smirk that followed made Bucky sick to his stomach.

He knew exactly where Rumlow was heading; into the arms of a woman waiting for him in the suite of a hotel he often frequented. It wasn’t unusual for him, to so openly cheat on you and joke about it with his men as if infidelity was something to boast about.

Bucky hoped that while you were married to Rumlow, you didn’t love him, just as Natasha had suspected. He tried to tell himself that he only wished that to be true in hopes you wouldn’t be hurt by Rumlow’s actions, but he knew, deep down, it was because of his own feelings for you.

He couldn’t bear the thought of you loving a man like Rumlow.

Though, glancing down at his hands, broken and bloodied, raw and used, he wondered if he was really any better.

After Rumlow shrugged on his coat and disappeared out into the hall, Bucky took a moment to breathe. His hands were aching and he needed to get them disinfected if he didn’t want them to swell and ooze by morning. The slam of the front door rang through the hall and even from back in the office, Bucky could hear the Maserati roaring to life.

With a heavy sign, he made his way down into the kitchen to grab a damp towel and some antibiotic from the cabinet before settling down on the couch in the living room. He had some time before Rumlow returned anyway and he planned to be gone before the bastard came back.

He winced, hissing, as the cloth touched the open wounds. Red seeped into the light blue of the terrycloth and he gripped at his fists, clenching his jaw as tried to brush away the dried blood and dirt.

“James?”

His breath caught in his throat.

The damn near sweetest voice he ever heard calling his name; the kind that made his stomach twist in knots, his heart flutter like he was sixteen years old again on the schoolyard, and despite the blood coating the broken knuckles of his fists and the splatter of red over his collar, his cheeks turned the slightest shade of pink.

Bucky glanced up to find you standing on the top steps of the staircase, dressed in an oversized t-shirt falling just to the mid of your thigh as you wrapped your robe tighter across your chest to hide from the cold. A shiver ran up your spine and you looked around the room nervously, checking for unwanted observers.

“He’s not home,” Bucky said quietly, knowing exactly who you were looking for. A relief flowed through the tension in your shoulders and you smiled softly at him.

You were stunning, Bucky thought to himself, even with your hair mangled from sleep and pillow creases in your cheeks, no makeup upon your face and toes curling under bare feet. He’d never seen a prettier sight.

Your eyes trailed down to his hands as he wrung them in his lap, dabbing the blood away with an old, fraying washcloth.

“Oh my god,” you gasped, rushing down the stairs to him. “What happened?”

Bucky realized then as you swung around the banister, that he was sitting upon a couch more expensive than his apartment and quickly jolted up away from the suede fabric.

“Sit down,” you ordered and he fell back on the couch without another word.

He chuckled a bit under his breath at your sternness, the clear worry lines in your forehead, and he struggle not to reach out and brush his thumb against them to ease the lines away.

The weight of the couch dipped ever so slightly as you sat next to him and your eyes fell back to his hands. He gritted his teeth, hating that you ever saw him like this, a reminder of who he was to your husband, who he was supposed to be.

You knew him as a criminal, a murderer, and yet you still managed to look at him like he was worth something in this world.

“I thought I told you to be careful,” you sighed, slowly tearing away your gaze from his hands to meet his eye. There was a guilt in your voice that broke his heart, like you were somehow responsible for your husband’s orders.

An overwhelming urge ached deep within his chest; an urge to tell you who he was, to tell you he could take you away from all this if you’d let him, but he bit his tongue.

“M’always careful,” Bucky said but you didn’t believe him. He glanced down to see the broken knuckles on his fists and the sting of the cloth burned twice as hard.

“I worry about you, James,” you said in a hushed whisper and it damn near broke him in two.

He tore his eyes away from you, certain he’d break from his cover in an instant if you looked at him like that any longer, like you might envelope him into your arms if he would just come willingly. He’d lay his head on your chest and wrap his arms around your waist and maybe you’d stroke his back and run your fingers through his hair and he’d find an ounce of solace amongst all the violence and crime and pain he’d emerged himself in for the last few years.

You tilted your head, studying his expression. “Are you alright? James?”

It stung when you called him that, he realized.

But he nodded slowly, watching silently as your hands ghosted over his and took the washcloth from his grasp. Wordlessly, you cradled his right hand, cold fingers against the heat his palm.

Your hands were so small; delicate and tender. He found himself wondering, as he often did, of what those hands would feel like sweeping the side of his face, running over his cheekbones or circling on his thigh. He didn’t dare think of more.

You dabbed the cloth against the open wounds on his knuckles and he hissed.

“Sorry,” you muttered, offering him a grimace.

“S’okay,” he replied sincerely despite the sting on his skin.

When you were finished cleaning away the blood and gently applied the antibiotic gel, you wrapped his hands in the spare gauze you’d found under the kitchen sink. The moment your hands left his, he felt a wave of cold, of emptiness, pass over him. You must have felt it too because you were having a hard time looking at him.

You swallowed, turning away from him and stared down at the floor. Your arms wrapped at your robe, tugging it tight over your chest. “What did he have you do this time?”

“It’s nothing you need to know about,” Bucky replied dimly, pushing out a smile for you but you saw right past it, you always did.

“That’s what Brock always says.”

That hurt. He didn’t want you to think he was anything like your husband but it was part of his cover. He had to be convincing, even to you.

“Just... be safe, will you?” you sighed, raking your fingers through your hair. “The things Brock asks of you... they can be so dangerous. I don’t know what I would... if something were to happen to you...”

“Come on, now,” he cooed, leaning forward enough to see your face despite the hair that fell in his way, “won’t be that easy to bring me down. Don’t you have any faith in me?”

The edges of your lips curved and Bucky couldn't help the grin on his face. You turned to him, smiling, and brushed at your eyes. His face softened, surprised by the redness there, and he wanted to ask if you were alright, wanted to know if he was the cause of those tears...

But then, headlights flooded into the living room, pulling both of you from the sanctuary of your aloneness.

Bucky stood quickly, facing the door, and you were already halfway to the stairs, well-conditioned in your response time by now.

Bucky glanced over his shoulder, watching as you started to ascend the stairs, but you were slow in your steps, reluctant. You met his eye over the edge of the banister and smiled softly, sadly. He hated that you were making your way to Rumlow’s bed, to lay under sheets you shared with a monster.

Bucky wondered sometimes if he was any better.

He tried not to think of the day you’d find out he was lying to you all this time because he was almost certain he’d lose you, whatever piece of you he did have, and it would kill him.

He mouthed ‘goodnight’ and you nodded, lingering just a moment longer before you disappeared up the steps. The soft, padding of your footsteps were barely noticeable amongst the hardwood floors but he listened intently before he heard the squeak of your bedroom door close.

The front door swung open with a loud bang and Rumlow stumbled inside, grumbling under his breath as he threw his coat onto the couch and kicked off his shoes. He was surprised to find Bucky standing in his living room. Bucky held up his hands, giving a slight shrug, and Rumlow nodded in understanding.

He closed the door behind him. “Damn broad didn’t even show. Had to take care of her gremlins.”

Bucky clenched his jaw, doing his best to keep a stern face.

“Don’t have kids, man,” Rumlow grunted as he made his way up the stairs. “Little life ruiners.”

Bucky nodded, not daring to even open his mouth because he wasn’t quite sure what would come out. He wondered if you could hear Rumlow coming up the steps from inside your room, if you were anxious or afraid or simply tired of it all.

But mostly, he wondered if you wished it was him.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader

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welllpthisishappening · 3 years

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Welllp These Are Books: the March 2021 Edition

There aren’t even any pictures! Except in that one book where there were pictures! It was weird! This was a weird book month! Back at it again with thoughts and opinions about a whole mess of books that no one explicitly asked for, but I’ve got lots of thoughts and opinions and they only count if I share them on the internet. Seriously, someone let me go to a baseball game soon. Obligatory warning for spoilers and vaguely unhinged rants under the cut. As always, feel free to come tell me what else I should be reading at literally any time ever.

Best Book of the Month Honors Goes to This Book, Even Though They Called It Halftime at a Hockey Game. A Hockey Game!

The Dating Plan by Sara Desai

Daisy Patel is a software engineer who understands lists and logic better than bosses and boyfriends. With her life all planned out, and no interest in love, the one thing she can't give her family is the marriage they expect. Left with few options, she asks her childhood crush to be her decoy fiancé. Liam Murphy is a venture capitalist with something to prove. When he learns that his inheritance is contingent on being married, he realizes his best friend's little sister has the perfect solution to his problem. A marriage of convenience will get Daisy's matchmaking relatives off her back and fulfill the terms of his late grandfather's will. If only he hadn’t broken her tender teenage heart nine years ago… Sparks fly when Daisy and Liam go on a series of dates to legitimize their fake relationship. Too late, they realize that very little is convenient about their arrangement. History and chemistry aren't about to follow the rules of this engagement.

— Ok, it’s important to know that I really did love this book. It hit all my trope-wants. Childhood friends, incredibly stupid misunderstandings, pining, seriously God the pining, fake engagement, BANTER. It was all going great. I was occasionally swooning. They kept making out! And then! THEN. They went to a hockey game. On a date. A fake date. Cool, cool, cool. All tropes, all the time right? Not so fast, internet! Because these self-proclaimed Sharks SUPER FANS referred to intermission as “halftime was coming up.” Halftime! At a hockey game! That’s—that’s not how hockey works! If this hadn’t been “traditionally” published, I probably could have let it slide. But that was not the case. This was a “real” book with, I can only assume, real editors. All of whom saw the words halftime and hockey near each other and we’re like YEAH, PRINT THAT SHIT. I read that at nearly one in the morning and seriously considered waking Justin up to be like CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS IN A REAL BOOK? Anyway, it was still real cute. Everyone lived happily ever after. It made want to eat samosas.

This Book Had Pictures, It Was Weird

Clean Sweep by Ilona Andrews

On the outside, Dina Demille is the epitome of normal. She runs a quaint Victorian Bed and Breakfast in a small Texas town, owns a Shih Tzu named Beast, and is a perfect neighbor, whose biggest problem should be what to serve her guests for breakfast. But Dina is...different: Her broom is a deadly weapon; her Inn is magic and thinks for itself. Meant to be a lodging for otherworldly visitors, the only permanent guest is a retired Galactic aristocrat who can’t leave the grounds because she’s responsible for the deaths of millions and someone might shoot her on sight. Under the circumstances, "normal" is a bit of a stretch for Dina.

And now, something with wicked claws and deepwater teeth has begun to hunt at night...Feeling responsible for her neighbors, Dina decides to get involved. Before long, she has to juggle dealing with the annoyingly attractive, ex-military, new neighbor, Sean Evans—an alpha-strain werewolf—and the equally arresting cosmic vampire soldier, Arland, while trying to keep her inn and its guests safe. But the enemy she’s facing is unlike anything she’s ever encountered before. It’s smart, vicious, and lethal, and putting herself between this creature and her neighbors might just cost her everything.

— So, Ilona Andrews is a name that keeps coming up because when I borrow a book from the library I have to go through Kindle and Amazon is like...here are some other absurd fantasy romances you’d enjoy. Also, one of her other series had been recc’ed to me. Only problem? The first book in that series is the only book in that series not available at my library. So, I was like, ok, I’ll start this one instead. It was...weird. Honestly, it felt like I’d been dropped in the middle of the story and the narrator was like, well why don’t you already know what’s going on? In theory the world building was cool. (I was not expecting alien werewolves, lemme tell you that!) But also it all felt very rushed and the end just sorta happened.

In Which I Continue to Love “Same Verse” Books & No One Else Had Sex in the Port Jeff High School Dugout. For Which I Was Grateful

Love Her or Lose Her by Tessa Bailey

Rosie and Dominic Vega are the perfect couple: high school sweethearts, best friends, madly in love. Well, they used to be anyway. Now Rosie’s lucky to get a caveman grunt from the ex-soldier every time she walks in the door. Dom is faithful and a great provider, but the man she fell in love with ten years ago is nowhere to be found. When her girlfriends encourage Rosie to demand more out of life and pursue her dream of opening a restaurant, she decides to demand more out of love, too. Three words: marriage boot camp.

Never in a million years did Rosie believe her stoic, too-manly-to-emote husband would actually agree to relationship rehab with a weed-smoking hippie. Dom talking about feelings? Sitting on pillows? Communing with nature? Learning love languages? Nope. But to her surprise, he’s all in, and it forces her to admit her own role in their cracked foundation. As they complete one ridiculous—yet surprisingly helpful—assignment after another, their remodeled relationship gets stronger than ever. Except just as they’re getting back on track, Rosie discovers Dom has a secret... and it could demolish everything.

— Listen, one of my absolutely favorite tropes that I do not think gets enough love in the world is COMMITTED LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIPS. And, like, ok, sure the premise of this was that they were separating in that long-lasting relationship. But no one really believed that, did they? Rosie and Dominic were real cute and their banter was good and I wasn’t totally skeeved out when they literally fucked on the kitchen floor. So, I think that’s saying something. Also, also! I seriously appreciated the realism of this book because no one on Long Island would ever call Manhattan Manhattan. It’s the city. Every other borough gets a name, but Manhattan is just the city and I nearly cheered when they said that. But also, no one’s taking a cab from Port Jeff to the Meatpacking District. You know what that would cost? God.

Tools of Engagement by Tessa Bailey

Hair, makeup, clothing, decor... everything in Bethany Castle's world is organized, planned, and styled to perfection. Which is why the homes she designs for her family's real estate business are the most coveted in town. The only thing not perfect? Her track record with men. She's on a dating hiatus and after helping her friends achieve their dreams, Bethany finally has time to focus on her own: flip a house, from framework to furnishings, all by herself. Except her older brother runs the company and refuses to take her seriously.

When a television producer gets wind of the Castle sibling rivalry, they’re invited on Flip Off, a competition to see who can do the best renovation. Bethany wants bragging rights, but she needs a crew and the only member of her brother's construction team willing to jump ship is Wes Daniels, the new guy in town. His Texas drawl and handsome face got under Bethany's skin on day one, and the last thing she needs is some cocky young cowboy in her way.

As the race to renovate heats up, Wes and Bethany are forced into close quarters, trading barbs and biting banter as they remodel the ugliest house on the block. It's a labor of love, hate, and everything in between, and soon sparks are flying. But Bethany's perfectly structured life is one kiss away from going up in smoke and she knows falling for a guy like Wes would be a flipping disaster.

— It should first be noted that in the three books of this series, I could not and cannot understand why Bethany’s brother was such a monumental dick. He was just...he was a dick. His marriage was awful. How long was his wife pregnant without him knowing???? I digress. This continued to be cute, Bethany was a legit heroine as far as those rom-com things go, Wes was very Texas and that got a little over the top, but they had sex in a bed like normal people so that helped. Oh, except that one time on the construction site. Whatever, this book was cute. This whole series was cute, really, and I was a big fan of the happy little wrap-everything-up with a bow ending.

Romance That Happens In Point Two Seconds Is...Unbelievable

Too Hot to Handle by Tessa Bailey

The road trip was definitely a bad idea. Having already flambéed her culinary career beyond recognition, Rita Clarkson is now stranded in God-Knows-Where, New Mexico, with a busted-ass car and her three temperamental siblings, who she hasn't seen in years. When rescue shows up---six-feet-plus of hot, charming sex on a motorcycle---Rita's pretty certain she's gone from the frying pan right into the fire . . . Jasper Ellis has a bad boy reputation in this town, and he loathes it. The moment he sees Rita, though, Jasper knows he's about to be sorely tempted. There's something real between them. Something raw. And Jasper has only a few days to show Rita that he isn't just for tonight---he's forever.

— For as much as I loved the Port Jeff series by my new pal Tessa, this one was...oof. Too much, guys. Too much. Fucking in trucks. Fucking in back offices. The whole book lasted, like, three days. And keep in mind this is coming from someone who has written like two million words about Killian Jones, self-loathing champ 250 years running, but Jasper’s self-loathing was a little over the top. Like, let’s not objectify dudes, but also...I don’t know guys. Maybe the other books in the series are better? I was mostly just annoyed by Rita.

What the Hell Happened at the End of This Book?? Seriously, I Have No Idea

The Queen’s Assassin by Melissa de la Cruz

Caledon Holt is the kingdom's deadliest weapon. No one alive can best him in speed, strength, or brains, which is why he's the Hearthstone Guild's most dangerous member. Cal is also the Queen's Assassin, bound to her by magic and unable to leave her service until the task she's set for him is fulfilled. Shadow of the Honey Glade has been training all her life to join the Guild, hoping that one day she'll become an assassin as feared and revered as Cal. But Shadow's mother and aunts expect her to serve the crown as a lady of the Renovian Court. When a surprise attack brings Shadow and Cal together, they're forced to team up as assassin and apprentice. Even though Shadow's life belongs to the court and Cal's belongs to the queen, they cannot deny their attraction to each other. But now, with war on the horizon and true love at risk, Shadow and Cal will uncover a shocking web of lies that will change their paths forever.

—WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT THE END OF THIS BOOK??? I figured out the so-called twist like...two chapters in. Fine, ok, whatever. It’s YA, this is not rocket science and I was interested enough in Cale and Shadow to see how it all played out. Only it didn’t really play out! Because the whole end was just this like four chapter retcon of basically EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENED and I genuinely could not believe it was happening. It didn’t make sense?!? Like with the plot? Also, spoiler, good thing Shadow and the other king haven’t consummated their marriage yet since she and Cale totally fucked after her wedding? What is YA? Why is Amazon telling me this is a Teacher’s Pick? Why hasn’t my hold come through on the sequel yet so I know what happens next?

Low-Stakes Romance Was Real Boring and All The People Were Boring In It

The Ten Rules for Faking It by Sophie Sullivan

As birthdays go, this year’s for radio producer Everly Dean hit rock-bottom. Worse than the “tonsillectomy birthday.” Worse than the birthday her parents decided to split (the first time). But catching your boyfriend cheating on you with his assistant? Even clichés sting. But this is Everly’s year! She won’t let her anxiety hold her back. She’ll pitch her podcast idea to her boss. There’s just one problem. Her boss, Chris, is very cute. (Of course). Also, he's extremely distant (which means he hates her, right? Or is that the anxiety talking)? And, Stacey the DJ didn’t mute the mic during Everly’s rant about Simon the Snake (syn: Cheating Ex). That’s three problems. Suddenly, people are lining up to date her, Bachelorette-style, fans are voting (Reminder: never leave house again), and her interest in Chris might be a two-way street. It’s a lot for a woman who could gold medal in people-avoidance. She’s going to have to fake it ‘till she makes it to get through all of this. Perhaps she’ll make a list: The Ten Rules for Faking It.

— I am a broken record. Shouting. From the highest hilltop. Just because you think someone is cute when you’re technically not supposed to be dating them does not mean you get to be anything less than nice around them! It’s not cute! And part two, which often goes with part one: rom com dudes have GOT to stop lying or hiding or otherwise avoiding telling people who they really are. It’s a convoluted, passably lazy way of writing and dropping a third-act bomb on the story. Don’t do it. Stop doing it. We’ve moved past the need for hidden identities. Unless he’s, like, a spy or something. Um...this was a weird book. I know Everly had anxiety and that became a PLOT POINT, patent pending, but she was also not super relatable? Which is crazy considering my very real, rather undiagnosed anxiety. Chris was boring. The whole plot, as this title suggests, was very low stakes and no one actually seemed to remember that their jobs were ever on the line? Did Everly and Chris have a conversation before they decided they liked each other? Who can say, really.

Shipped by Angie Hockman

Between taking night classes for her MBA and her demanding day job at a cruise line, marketing manager Henley Evans barely has time for herself, let alone family, friends, or dating. But when she’s shortlisted for the promotion of her dreams, all her sacrifices finally seem worth it. The only problem? Graeme Crawford-Collins, the remote social media manager and the bane of her existence, is also up for the position. Although they’ve never met in person, their epic email battles are the stuff of office legend. Their boss tasks each of them with drafting a proposal on how to boost bookings in the Galápagos—best proposal wins the promotion. There’s just one catch: they have to go on a company cruise to the Galápagos Islands...together. But when the two meet on the ship, Henley is shocked to discover that the real Graeme is nothing like she imagined. As they explore the Islands together, she soon finds the line between loathing and liking thinner than a postcard. With her career dreams in her sights and a growing attraction to the competition, Henley begins questioning her life choices. Because what’s the point of working all the time if you never actually live?

— YOU NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE TO DECIDE YOU LIKE THEM. AUTHORS REALLY REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BUILD ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS. IF THEY ONLY LIKE EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY KISS WELL IT’S NOT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. AND THIS IS COMING FROM ME. Back at it again with the annoying so-called heroine who was just...occasionally real mean to Graem for no reason at all? Also her name was Henley. Which is not a great reason to dislike her, but here we are.

Apparently I Read These Books Out Of Order. Who Knew?

Pride, Prejudice and Other Flavors by Sonali Dev

It is a truth universally acknowledged that only in an overachieving Indian American family can a genius daughter be considered a black sheep.

Dr. Trisha Raje is San Francisco’s most acclaimed neurosurgeon. But that’s not enough for the Rajes, her influential immigrant family who’s achieved power by making its own non-negotiable rules:

· Never trust an outsider

· Never do anything to jeopardize your brother’s political aspirations

· And never, ever, defy your family

Trisha is guilty of breaking all three rules. But now she has a chance to redeem herself. So long as she doesn’t repeat old mistakes.

Up-and-coming chef DJ Caine has known people like Trisha before, people who judge him by his rough beginnings and place pedigree above character. He needs the lucrative job the Rajes offer, but he values his pride too much to indulge Trisha’s arrogance. And then he discovers that she’s the only surgeon who can save his sister’s life.

As the two clash, their assumptions crumble like the spun sugar on one of DJ’s stunning desserts. But before a future can be savored there’s a past to be reckoned with...

A family trying to build home in a new land.

A man who has never felt at home anywhere.

And a choice to be made between the two.

— Surprise, apparently this was the first book in the series. I did not know. It didn’t affect my enjoyment of the Persuasion version in this same ‘verse, which is also strange because I liked the Persuasion one way better. There was a lot of medical in this. And not super uplifting medical, either. This was like...oh the Jane character (I guess???) has cancer and either she’s going to go blind after having a surgery (also she was an artist, so you see how this was a problem) or she’s just going to decide to die. Wait, what? That came out of left field, really. Also DJ and Trisha were not nice to each other. Like, I know this is Pride and Prejudice so there has to be some of that at the start, but it wasn’t like Trisha ever really went through the Darcy-required time at Pemberly. She just decided she liked DJ and told him and it was as awkward as Jane Austen intended it, but then we got more medical and everything was cool. It felt very rushed and shoehorned into a modern setting and the Persuasion one was better. You can’t have Darcy’s growth without the Pemberly stuff. You just can’t.

In Which I Didn’t Like a Nickname??? Is the World Ending??

Crazy Stupid Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams

Alexis Carlisle and her cat café, ToeBeans, have shot to fame after she came forward as a victim of a celebrity chef’s sexual harassment. When a new customer approaches to confide in her, the last thing Alexis expects is for the woman to claim they’re sisters. Unsure what to do, Alexis turns to the only man she trusts—her best friend, Noah Logan. Computer genius Noah left his rebellious teenage hacker past behind to become a computer security expert. Now he only uses his old skills for the right cause. But Noah’s got a secret: He’s madly in love with Alexis. When she asks for his help, he wonders if the timing will ever be right to confess his crush. Noah’s pals in The Bromance Book Club are more than willing to share their beloved “manuals” to help him go from bud to boyfriend. But he must decide if telling the truth is worth risking the best friendship he’s ever had.

— If Noah was going to call her Lexa, then her name should have been Alexa and not Alexis. That’s it and that’s all. Also, the story was n u t s. Estranged dads and kidney failure and they got together so fast in this book. Which usually is cool by me, but I really could not get over the nickname and the estranged family was mean to Alexis. Lexa. HER NAME SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALEXA, IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Also Noah was a former hacker? The estranged family accused him corporate espionage or something? A lot happened in this book, guys. Her name should have been Alexa.

Dumb Brother Was Dumb™ Everyone Else Was Real Cute

The Off Limits Rule by Sarah Adams

I have found rock bottom. It's here, moving in with my older brother because I'm too broke to afford to live on my own. It's okay though, because we've always been close and I think I'm going to have fun living with him again.   That is until I meet Cooper...   Turns out, my brother has very strong opinions on the idea of me dating his best friend and is dead set against it. According to him, Cooper is everything I should stay away from: flirtatious, adventurous, non-committal, and freaking hot. (I added that last part because I feel like you need the whole picture.) My brother is right--I should stay away from Cooper James and his pretty blue eyes. He's the opposite of what I need right now.   Nah--who am I kidding? I'm going for it.

— This was cute, mostly mindless fluff. Hit some trope high points, including, obviously, best friends sister. Only the brother in question was a Neanderthal and I really thought people were going to make out more while said brother was on his business trip. I got it for free off Amazon. Which I think should explain a lot. Like, story-wise. Sorry, free Amazon books. Don’t be insulted.

Prose, Prose, Prose, Please Someone Have a Conversation

Trick by Natalia Jaster

In the Kingdom of Spring, Poet is renowned. He's young and pretty, a lover of men and women. He performs for the court, kisses like a scoundrel, and mocks with a silver tongue. Yet allow him this: It's only the most cunning and manipulative soul who can play the fool. For beyond the castle walls, Poet guards a secret. One the Crown would shackle him for. One that he'll risk everything to protect. Alas, it will take more than clever words to deceive Princess Briar. Convinced that he's juggling lies as well as verse, this righteous nuisance of a girl is determined to expose him. But not all falsehoods are fiendish. Poet's secret is delicate, binding the jester and princess in an unlikely alliance—and kindling a breathless attraction, as alluring as it is forbidden.

— The purplest of prose. Mauve prose. Royal purple prose. Lavender prose. There was so much writing here. So much. Too much, some might say. I say. Actually. If we want to get specific. And that was a shame, really, because when Briar and Poet actually had a conversation, they were interesting to read about. Also, the world building here? Yeeeesh. The so-called, wait for it, FOOL TRADE played a prominent role and that was...super cringe. Super Cringe. That being said, I asked Justin what I should read next and he thought it was funny that a book was just called...

Dare by Natalia Jaster

In the Kingdom of Summer, they say she's wild. Locked in a cage by the sea, Flare dreams of escape. She dreams of a lost world, known only in legends. The island is calling to her. And she won't let anyone keep her from it. Especially not him. They say he's cruel. Jeryn has crossed the ocean for the Trade, to bargain for those fierce, imprisoned creatures that make his skin crawl. By law, they're subjects meant for experimentation. And easy to despise. One girl in particular. But on the cusp of transport, the tide rages. That hidden island awaits. Stranded, the prince and prisoner must fight to survive. In a mysterious rainforest, they must band together...if they don't slay one another first. Or become something more to each other. Something just as dangerous.

— This was Justin’s fault. He could not believe this book was just called Dare. It should have been called “We’re going to weirdly force what is basically slavery into this story and then a prince is going to fall in love with an escaped slave and we’re also going to call that ROMANCE.” y i k e s. Remember that one story that took place over three days? This was the complete opposite. Years! They were shipwrecked for years! They got saved, spoilers, the DAY they started having sex. What are the odds, right?? And then MORE YEARS passed. Multiple years! Five years! They couldn’t actually be together because of that aforementioned slave trade. What the shit, man? Natalia, ya gotta be kidding me with this. The internet claimed Trick was good and a solid follow to reading ACOTAR and that there was this whole verse and it was also good. The internet was wrong.

Nothing Happened, Everything Happened, I...Hated It

Graceling by Kristin Cashore

Kristin Cashore’s bestselling, award-winning fantasy Graceling tells the story of the vulnerable-yet-strong Katsa, a smart, beautiful teenager who lives in a world where selected people are given a Grace, a special talent that can be anything from dancing to swimming. Katsa’s is killing. As the king’s niece, she is forced to use her extreme skills as his thug. Along the way, Katsa must learn to decipher the true nature of her Grace… and how to put it to good use. A thrilling, action-packed fantasy adventure (and steamy romance!) that will resonate deeply with adolescents trying to find their way in the world.

— I can’t believe this was a book. Katsa was so annoying! Like, listen, I know her life was sad. And she was a pawn being used against her will. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. The tone of the whole book was so strangely formal and Poe was strangely in love with Katsa? Who obviously didn’t want to get married because she was WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR. Or kill people, as the case may be. Only she wanted to make out with Poe? Only ONLY they didn’t even really get together at the end? I could not believe the end of this book. I nearly threw my Kindle across the room. Once again, no apologies for spoilers because do not read this book, but HE WAS BLIND? Katsa had to leave him behind to save his cousin and he just ENDED UP BEING BLIND? AND THEY NEVER GOT TOGETHER REALLY?? What the fuck? Seriously. Steamy romance, my ass. Nothing happened. The villain got defeated in point two seconds. There are other books in this universe? No, thanks.

#book recommendations #book rec #fantasy recommendations #book recs #laura reads books #this was longer than i realized it was going to be #documentation of a very weird book month #but we're almost back on track now because i am LOVING a darker shade of magic #welllp these are books

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wonjaekook · 4 years

Text

Golden Sweet, Golden Sick

A/N: I want to make it very, very clear that I am in no way encouraging this kind of behavior or saying it’s okay, at all, ever. Like everything I write here, this is entirely a work of fiction and is not intended to portray the real personalities of any of the people involved. If someone does anything like this to you or you do this to anyone else in real life, please find help. That being said, this is a type of character that I’ve never written before and it was kind of interesting to write; this is very much meant to be a story-driven piece. Stay safe and enjoy :) (I also have a Jaemin fluff coming soon to make up for this!)

21 Tropes: 11. Yandere + gold w/Jaemin

Description: You would be his forever, one way or another.

Word Count: 14k

Genre: horror/thriller, fluff (kind of?), angst (kind of?), slight smut/suggestive (nothing super explicit in that realm, but there are multiple mentions/allusions)

Warnings: creepy behavior, blood, death, very descriptive violence (seriously, it gets bad), manipulation, drugging, swearing, alcohol, mild suggestive/sexual content and mentions, all around bad things

He doesn’t know when he started feeling this way about you. Na Jaemin has always been the perfect example of everything - athlete, student, boyfriend. Then, you came along and tore his world apart. The more time he spent with you, the more he thought about you until every other breath he took was solely for you. He knows it’s not normal. Yet… he doesn’t feel like there’s anything he can do about it now. It’s too big. It hurts and it feels so good at the same time. It’s a reason. A force propelling him towards something: you. He also knows he would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Cared for. Protected. Loved. So, he listens as you talk to Heejin, straining his ears against the noise of the lunch room.

“You know that new exchange student from Germany, Liu Yangyang? I really like him.”

“Oh?” Your best friend gives you a knowing smile. “I didn’t know you were into foreign boys.”

“I wouldn’t say that…”

Heejin laughs at your bashfulness. “Do you think he likes you back?”

“I don’t know,” you say, cheeks pink at the idea. “He’s really sweet and funny to me and…”

Heejin hooks an arm around your shoulder. “If he doesn’t like you back, he’s an idiot. Look at you! You’re perfect wife material.”

“Hold it right there,” you say, holding up your hands in a ‘stop’ gesture. “No one said anything about being anyone’s wife. We’re still in high school and it’s just a crush.”

She sighs and rolls her eyes. “Are you going to ask him out?”

“Maybe on White Day? Is that too cheesy?” The thought of asking him out makes you nervous, but you can’t just expect him to come to you first. He might be too shy.

“Y/N, you’re too cute for this world.” As she affectionately pinches your cheek, the bell signaling the end of lunch rings, cueing all the students in the cafeteria to get up and rush to class. Your best friend starts backing away in the opposite direction than you’re headed. “See you after class!”

You’re blissfully unaware of Jaemin’s eyes following you.

About a week later, you’re gearing up for White Day in a few days when you get the news. You respond with a broken heart, thinking about how the chocolates you had prepared at home are now going to waste, after Heejin tells you what she heard from some of Yangyang’s friends. “He’s going back? To Germany?”

“Yeah… it’s a shame he has to go back home early. I wonder what happened.” She looks at you. “Hey! Maybe this is your chance. Even if you don’t think you can do long distance, you should tell him how you feel anyway.”

“I… okay!” Taking your best friend’s advice, you run outside to meet Yangyang after classes are over. The question of why he didn’t tell you he was leaving earlier in the class you had with him itches in your mind. You consider yourself to be friends at the very least - why hadn’t he told you? A moment after you think that, you spot him. When he sees you approach, you think you see him tense up. “Yangyang!”

“Y-Y/N…” He seems anxious, his eyes dart around and he’s shifting uncomfortably.

Brushing off his strange disposition, you jump straight to the point. “Yangyang, are you really going back to Germany?”

“Erm, yeah… family… I mean! Personal… stuff.” His eyes land on something behind you for a moment, remaining fixed there, before he looks down at the ground.

“Oh,” you pause, solidifying your decision that you have to tell him after hearing him confirm it himself. “I just wanted to tell you that… I like you. I’m sorry I don’t have any chocolate or anything to make it a proper confession, but-”

“It’s fine!” Yangyang’s words come out rushed and high-pitched. “I’m sorry, Y/N, I can’t accept your confession. I really have to go, sorry.” Your heart sinks at his words, a sad pout adorning your lips. With one last glance behind you, Yangyang practically bolts away, heading towards the student parking lot. Trying to follow where his eyes were, you glance behind you, but see nothing of interest. There’s no one there. With a heavy heart, you trudge back into the school. How had he gone from warm to cold with you in such a short amount of time?

The first thing you do is seek out your best friend. She looks excited to see you for a second before she notices you moping. “Did it go badly?”

You nod, dropping down to sit on the stairs next to her. “He rejected me. He was even acting weird! So closed-off and distant. It wasn’t like him. Am I that off-putting?” You try to pull out your phone, look at your appearance, but Heejin grabs it from you, putting it facedown on one of the steps.

“No! No way it’s you, it’s definitely him!” The indignant face she makes has you feeling a bit reassured. “He’s probably distracted by whatever it is that’s making him go home. You’ll find someone better anyways, I promise.”

You sigh, resting your chin on your hand. “It just sucks.”

“I know. But, hey, it’s okay. It would’ve been hard to have a relationship with an exchange student anyways.” Heejin pats you comfortingly on the pat, attempting to reassure you.

“I know, I just…” You sigh heavily again, blowing some hair out of your eyes.

Heejin glances at her phone and shifts uncomfortably. “Y/N, I’m sorry, but I really have to go…”

“That’s okay, your review session is important. I’ll be fine.” You scrub at your eyes, not caring about the redness you’re causing. You’re not crying yet, but you feel like you’re on the verge of doing so.

“Text me if you wanna hang out later?” Once you nod, Heejin bids you farewell and hurries away. With your best friend gone, you can’t help but feel a little more lonely.

At that moment, Jaemin is walking by, but he stops when he sees you with tears in your eyes. He knows instantly that his plan worked. Well, he knew that it worked when he saw your interaction with Yangyang, but the further proof is encouragement to him. The sadness on your face almost makes him regret what he did, but he knows he can make you happier than Yangyang ever would. If there’s one thing he’s sure of, it’s that. “Y/N,” he says, feigning confusion, “what’s wrong?”

You would say you’re acquaintances, kind of friends at best, with Jaemin - you’ve had a few classes together and hung out in groups before, but you’re not close. You’re a little hesitant to answer, but you figure he’s just asking out of courtesy. “Nothing,” you say, sniffling slightly, “I’m fine.”

“Y/N…” The tone with which he says your name is gentle and pleasant to your ears, almost relaxing. He closes the distance between the two of you, sitting down next to you on the stairs. “You can tell me. We’re friends, right?”

That makes you look up. Na Jaemin, one of the most popular, good-looking boys at your school, considers you a friend? Then again, he’s also renowned as one of the sweets guys in your grade, the type to take care of abandoned kittens he finds in cardboard boxes and walk grannies across the street. The smile he gives you tells you that he’s being sincere, so you can’t help but give him a tiny, sad smile back. “I just got rejected.”

His eyes widen. “Who would reject you?”

“Liu Yangyang. I confessed to him because he’s going back to Germany soon, but he doesn’t feel the same.” Saying it out loud, you realize how silly you sound being so upset about it. Like Heejin said, it really wouldn’t work out with him being so far away. “God, I’m so stupid. Sorry for bothering you with this, Jaemin. I probably look like an idiot right now.”

“You aren’t stupid! Anyone would be upset if they got rejected.” He doesn’t know who to be angry at for making you feel this way about yourself - himself or Yangyang. Your pain hurts him ten times as much it hurts you.

“Thanks, Jaemin,” you mumble.

“What can I do to make you feel better?” He contemplates for a moment and, before you can tell him that he doesn’t need to do anything else, he stands up. “That’s it! Let’s get ice cream.”

“Jaemin, you really don’t have to-”

“It’s my treat, come on!” He takes your hand, pulling you to your feet. Seeing that he’s not giving up, you reluctantly let him guide you. It’s a little colder outside than when you met Yangyang earlier given the season and time of day. You expect that he’ll just take you to the convenience store across the street from the school, but he keeps going, bringing you to an actual ice cream shop two blocks away. Every so often while you’re walking, he’ll glance behind him, like he’s making sure you’re still there, and smile at you. It feels nice to be acknowledged like that.

He relishes in how you let him take your hand and guide you down the street. He had let go after he helped you up because it would have been a little strange if he kept holding on to you when you’re not that close yet, but the warmth of your hand lingers on his fingertips.

The little bell on the door dings as he pushes it open, holding it for you. Walking in, you give a small bow to the man behind the counter. You’re about to order when Jaemin stops you with a hand on your forearm. “My treat, remember?”

After he asks you what you want, you watch him go up and order, smiling at the cashier, polite as his reputation says. Even in his school uniform, he looks exceedingly handsome. Jaemin returns to you a moment later, handing you your ice cream, and you thank him. You sit with him, eating your respective flavors, when you decide to prod him a little. “Jaemin, why are you going through all of this trouble just for me? I’m sure you’re busy.”

“I can’t just let my friend be sad. Plus, honestly, I’ve been wanting to get closer to you for a while now.” If you would have to place it, you would say Jaemin is acting shy. No way. Na Jaemin, shy about saying he wants to be better friends with you? If you were closer to him, you would call him cute for that.

None of what he said is a lie. It’s just not the full extent of the truth. He wants to be closer to you than anyone else. He wants you to only look at him. He blinks, looking away from you and trying to get the dark thoughts out of his head for now.

“Let’s hang out more, then,” you say, more cheery than you’ve looked since he’s met up with you. “We can be closer, if you want.”

You get Na Jaemin’s number that day after he happily agrees.

It’s not too long before you’ve forgotten almost entirely about Yangyang. Jaemin does a good job of getting your mind off of him, off of everything that’s preoccupying you, honestly. He’s almost a miracle cure, ready to talk whenever you need him, always kind, always charming. When he starts walking you to some of your classes, offering to carry your books like a character out of a movie, that’s when your heart finally melts for him.

As you get to know Jaemin, you also pinpoint what the unease you’ve been feeling for months is. It’s the feeling of eyes on you, at all hours of the day, when you’re in public, when you’re with family, when you’re with friends, when you’re alone. You’re not exactly sure when the feeling of someone watching you started. The ever-present pit of discomfort in your stomach. All you know is that Jaemin makes it better. With him, you feel safe.

He’s not sure when the longing started. The headaches. The constant need to be with you. All he knows is that only you make it better.

“Heejin, I like him so much, I don’t know what to do.” You clutch dramatically at your heart, pouting. “He’s just too perfect.”

Sadly, your best friend is more skeptical than you. “Yeah, that’s the problem. He’s too perfect and every girl falls for him.”

“He treats Y/N differently, though, you can see it,” your friend Renjun says from next to Heejin, looking up from his chemistry homework. “Believe me, I’ve known him for years. He only acts that way with girls he likes.”

“Injun, don’t give me hope.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m just telling you like it is. You know I’m not the type to sugarcoat.”

That’s true enough. Renjun is the one who started the group hangouts that you first spent time with Jaemin in and he has known him for much longer than you or Heejin. It’s also not in his personality to say things he doesn’t truly believe.

“Okay, that’s fair,” Heejin says, turning back to you. “Then, Y/N, if you were to go on the dream date with the dream boy, what would you even do?”

“If someone asks me out, I want our first date to be cute and simple. Let’s go take a walk in the park or something and get ice cream. Maybe give me a flower when he comes to get me. I dunno, maybe I’m being dumb,” you laugh, pushing your hair away from your face. The thought of going on a date with Jaemin- you mean, someone, has you feeling warm and blushy.

“There’s no use trying to be sly. When you say someone you mean Na Jaemin and you want ice cream because that’s where you had your first unofficial date,” Heejin says, smirking.

You stick out your tongue at her, scrunching up your face. “If you keep being weird about it, it won’t happen.”

To your surprise, despite Heejin’s continued weirdness about it, Jaemin approaches you the next day. Immediately after you greet him, he’s looking at you with those adorable doe eyes of his, making you feel like you’re the only person in the world. A simple, “Y/N, I like you a lot. Would you go on a date with me?” from him has your heart beating out of your chest and it takes all of your self control to not spin him in a circle and hug him right there.

Jaemin shows up to your first date that following Saturday with a single white and red carnation, which he tucks behind your ear when you meet him on the sidewalk.

If it’s possible, he’s even more perfect than what you imagined. He’s out of a dream - walking with you slowly, his hand brushing yours as you walk and talk, remembering your favorite flavor from the last time you got ice cream together. If you’ve never felt lovesick, you certainly feel it now. By the time the date is drawing to a close and Jaemin is walking you home, he’s politely asked if he can hold your hand, which you quickly obliged. You can’t help yourself from asking him about his decisions as you’re approaching your house.

“Jaemin, how’d you know?” His hand feels warm and comfortable in yours, your fingers interlaced. “Did Heejin tell you this is how I wanted a first date to be?”

He puts a perfect mask of surprise on his face. “Really? This is just how I thought the perfect first date should go and I thought you would like it, too.”

That, along with everything else, makes you feel like you’ve finally found the right guy. You feel safe with Jaemin, warm and secure, and the paranoid feeling of someone watching you isn’t present with him around. Maybe he’s your guardian angel. Maybe he’s your soulmate. Either way, you’re glad you found him.

He asks you to be his girlfriend after your second date, to which you eagerly agree. When you get home from that outing, your parents can see the change in your face and Heejin is the first to hear the news when you call her soon after. She mentions something about ‘if Na Jaemin ever hurts you’ but, in your joy, you insist that everything will be fine and peachy.

Two days later, when he meets you between classes at school, his hand instantly moves to interlace with yours as you walk, making your heart rate pick up and a light blush cover your cheeks. Each step seems almost lighter than the last and, when you would ordinarily shy away from the looks and whispers of your classmates as you pass by them, his warm gaze on you alone makes everything alright. When you reach your class, he stops, but doesn’t let go of your hand. There, in front of the prying eyes of your schoolmates, he leans down and kisses you for the first time. It’s soft, sweet, and very Jaemin, should you have to describe it. Your eyes, which you had instinctually shut when he moved closer, open after he pulls away and you find that he’s smiling brightly at you, a sort of happiness that you’ve never seen from anyone else before in his eyes.

“Have fun in class,” he says softly, as if he hadn’t just kissed you in front of everyone, before he walks off in the direction of his own class. You’re dizzy in the best way and practically glowing as you force your feet to move into the classroom and to your seat. Renjun, who you share the class with, looks up at you as you practically melt onto your desk and into your chair.

“Did Jaemin strike again?” He questions, quirking an eyebrow at you.

You nod, lifting your head to look at him. “He just kissed me in the hallway.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “Get a room. Seriously.”

You’re too distracted by the fuzzy warmth in your chest to reply something snappy back.

Jaemin makes a habit of sneaking little kisses between classes or after lunch or whenever else he gets a chance and you can’t say you mind it at all. After a little while, the small pecks he places on your lips when he drops you off at home or in any other area more hidden from the gazes of others become more intense, more full. His hands, once respectfully staying at your hips or cupping your cheeks, tangle in your hair and edge ever so slightly under your shirt after you say that it’s okay. Even so, he’s always one step ahead of you, always patient, always asking permission, always backing off when you give even the slightest sign of being uncomfortable. It’s a tugging back and forth of how far you’ll go that lasts for months, leaving you with a lot to think about when you’re alone at night. In those times, in your distracted state, you forget about the blinds of your room being open, your body on full display for anyone who may be looking in. Not that anyone should be watching you. Not that you think anyone is.

Every time, you let him push the boundary a little further until, one day, you’re at his house with the intention to study together. That intention is quickly forgotten as he murmurs sweet words in your ear about how ‘you look so pretty today’ and ‘that shade of lipgloss looks so nice on you, I wonder what it tastes like?’

With unmatched eagerness, you welcome his touch, his lips on yours, the little sighs he lets out as he kisses you and pulls you onto his lap. Your energy fades into uncertainty and insecurity as his hands drift to the edge of your shorts and his lips travel to nip and kiss at your pulse. He feels the change, but simply holds you closer, his fast heartbeat seemingly pounding into your chest because of your close proximity. He feels your heartbeat as much as you can feel his.

“Jaemin,” you murmur, distracted, as he presses kisses to your neck, “I’m a virgin. I don’t know if…”

He’s heard enough of your conversations about the topic with your other friends and watched enough of your late-night sessions to know. He would be upset with how sloppy you are about exposing your body to the light when your blinds are open, but it allows him the best view he’s ever had, so he figures that he can’t complain much. Not that he could ever tell you.

Once that confession leaves your lips, he pretends to be surprised, stopping his actions, straightening up, and cupping your cheek with his hand while looking in your eyes. You look so pretty there, your cheeks pink with embarrassment, lips parted and lipgloss smeared slightly, hair slightly out of place from when he ran his hands through it. Above all, he loves the feeling of being able to read exactly what you’re thinking from your eyes and the way your body is positioned. If he could keep you here like this forever, he would. “That’s okay. If you want to stop, I’ll wait for you. I don’t want to pressure you.”

He doesn’t have to worry about pressuring you. You’re his, anyways. His and his alone.

The warmth in his eyes is comforting to you. His free hand still strokes your side just under your shirt, sending pleasant shivers down your spine. “I think… I want you to continue. Please.”

The slightest desperation in your voice sets him off. You want him. You need him. Your own desire for him brings him more pleasure than any amount of sex with someone else ever could. But he holds back the urge to just take you right then and there. “I’ll go slow, baby. Tell me to stop if you ever want me to.”

One day, maybe not soon, but eventually, he knows he’ll have you where you’ll never tell him to stop. You’ll want him just as much as he always wants you.

“I know we’ve never talked about it before, but I’ve been thinking. About the future, university, all of that.”

Jaemin’s words surprise you. Of course you had thought about bringing it up with him, but the past few months with him had passed so fast and so blissfully that the topic always slipped your mind with him. You hum in response, signaling him to continue.

“I want to go to Korea University.”

He had been listening to you gush about Korea University to your parents and other friends for months, so he’s nearly certain you would be happy when he says your own dream school is also his. However, your expression falls for a moment, throwing him off. Are you not happy he wants to go to the same school as you?

You pull yourself together quickly, forcing a smile onto your face. “That’s great, Jaemin! What makes you want to go there?”

You want to go there. “Well, their academics are great, and…” As he gives the speech he had rehearsed about the school, he watches the flickers of insecurity swim in your eyes, your smile a poor mask for how you really feel. “Where do you want to go?”

You clear your throat, your toe nudging the floor awkwardly. “I… I actually want to go to Korea University, too.”

He reaches for your hands, clasping them gently in his. “What’s wrong?”

You don’t know whether you should tell him or not, but you know by now that he won’t give up on getting the truth from you until you’ve spilled it. With a sigh, you try to find the words to explain how you feel. “I just don’t want it to seem like I’m just following you. I don’t wanna come off as some clingy girlfriend who only chose a university because her boyfriend wants to go there. I don’t know, does that make sense?”

Voicing your thoughts out loud, you suddenly feel stupid, like you’re making this out to be a bigger deal than it is.

As soon as the words come out of your mouth, all Jaemin feels is regret. He made you feel this way? How could he do that? It’s a sinking pit of disappointment and anger in himself that makes it hard for him to speak for a moment. But, he’s become far good at acting to show his internal frustration now. He squeezes your hands, making you look up at him. “Y/N, I promise you don’t sound like that at all.” I’m a fucking idiot. “It’s just a happy coincidence. You should go wherever you want to without caring where I’m going.” I can’t be without you. “You’re your own person. Nobody thinks you’re just following me.” I want to worship the ground you walk on.

“Really? I… thanks, Jaemin.” He lets his regret serve as a lesson for how to approach these kinds of things with you in the future. I’ll never let you get hurt again, not from me, not from anyone. Never again.

When you and Jaemin move in to Korea University in the fall, the way your excitement lights up your eyes makes him feel equally as giddy. Of course, he also has his own reasons. For the most part, any of the guys that even remotely present a threat to your relationship back off as soon as they see your hand in his. You make safe friends who do safe things. He can keep you even closer than before. For once, he feels secure. At least, for a little while.

There’s one guy. In your calculus class. Jaemin doesn’t like him. Not at all. He doesn’t like the way he looks at you or the way he trails you slightly after class. You’re clearly uncomfortable because of him, too. He’s overheard you tell him, ‘please leave me alone, I have a boyfriend.’ When he doesn’t back off, that’s justification enough. Jaemin only plans it out a little bit. The red haze that takes over his vision every time he sees that guy is the final push. That guy… he’s easy enough to follow. Easy enough to trap in a secluded place. To Jaemin’s surprise, he’s even easy enough to kill, too. There’s no blood. He doesn’t even struggle as much as he thought he would. If anything, it’s exhilarating. His breaths come quickly and shakily through the mask covering his face as the last of the light leaves the other guy’s eyes. He would never, ever bother you again. Taking someone else’s life to protect you? It’s the highest form of protection. The highest form of love. That first kill… it feels almost as good as when you first told him you loved him. This way, he can show evidence of his devotion to you. Not that he can tell you. You’re too soft-hearted to know. But, now… now, you’re safe. That’s what he tells himself, as he walks home, as he throws the clothes he was wearing in the washing machine, as he lies in bed and sends you his typical goodnight text. You’re safe. He can keep you safe, from now until forever. He wouldn’t think his next greatest concern would be so close to him.

One breezy fall day, Jeno texts him. He hadn’t seen him in a while - they went to separate high schools and then separate universities. Jaemin can’t say his mind has entirely been on his friend when he has other, closer people to worry about. Two years ago, that would’ve been a different story. Now, when his entire mind is consumed with you? The stray thought Jeno appears in is always a result of seeing his name pop up as the sender of a text.

JN: hey!! your best friend is coming to korea u for a baseball game on saturday!

JM: oh shit, really?

JN: hell yeah dude

JN: do you have any plans on friday?

JM: i actually have a date with my girlfriend that night

JN: i promise i won’t take up your whole night then! do you have any time to squeeze me

in? lmao

JM: i suppose, you wanna meet y/n?

When you first meet Jeno, everything is fine. He’s so similar to yet very different from Jaemin and has a nice smile. Jaemin had told you a little about him before but never elaborated, so you’re excited to talk to him more. Jeno has a natural, soft sort of charm about him and you quickly become comfortable with each other, unaware of the look that your boyfriend is giving you.

He had thought everything would be fine. For a moment, it is. He introduces you to Jeno, all smiles and jokes, but doesn’t realize his mistake until afterwards. He doesn’t like the way you smile at Jeno. Your smiles should be only for him. He shakes his head, trying to clear it. He hadn’t thought like that for a while, not since he got rid of the guy from your calculus class. But are thoughts like that all bad? He’s only looking out for your relationship. He’s only trying to keep you close to him.

It’s times like these he forgets about the adoring look you always have in your eyes for him, all the moments only he gets to witness, all the I love yous. All that’s left is the need to have your every expression, your every breath. No matter who stands in the way.

As the hour ticks on, he keeps coming back to that thought. Are you ignoring him? For Jeno? You wouldn’t even dream of cheating on him with his best friend, would you? No. His gaze turns to Jeno. He’s smiling that handsome, charming smile that makes even strangers on the street fall for him and Jaemin’s jaw clenches. How dare he look at you like that. How dare he.

Time passes far too quickly for you and Jeno and excruciatingly painfully slowly for Jaemin. Finally, finally, the hour is coming to a close and, when your boyfriend reminds you that you should leave soon, you step out to use the restroom. As soon as the door clicks shut, Jaemin turns to Jeno, grabs him by the collar, and slams him into the wall. With you gone, the ever-present pounding at Jaemin’s temples returns and his temper flares even more. Jeno groans, wincing as his head hits the concrete. “What the hell, Jaemin?”

“What the hell? What the hell is wrong with you?” His hand tightens around his collar. At that moment, when Jeno looks into his best friend’s eyes, all he sees is a profound emptiness. The Jaemin he knows is gone. Or was this Jaemin there the whole time? “Keep your eyes off of my girlfriend.”

“I don’t have my eyes on your girlfriend, you lunatic!” Jaemin’s knuckles press into Jeno’s collarbones. “You just introduced us!”

“I see you. I see the way you’re looking at her. Wanting to take her from me. Undressing her with your eyes. I thought I could trust you, but you’re like every other man. You’re-”

“You’re insane,” Jeno rasps, not fighting back for fear of hurting his friend. Even if he’s acting like this, he’s still Jaemin. Right? “What are you talking about? What happened to you? Jaem, I’m not trying to steal your girlfriend. You’ve known me for how long? You know I wouldn’t do that.”

Jaemin is practically shaking with rage, but Jeno’s words start to get to him. There’s clarity in his eyes for a moment, Jeno can see it. Right then, you open the door back into the room. You see Jaemin pinning Jeno to the wall and you frown, concern marring your beautiful face. Jaemin instantly relaxes. “Jaemin, what-”

He lets go of his friend and gives you a sweet smile. “It’s nothing.”

You glance at Jeno, who still looks shaken as he runs a hand through his hair and adjusts his shirt. “Jaemin-”

“We should go, right? The movie is in thirty minutes.” He reaches for your hand, taking it gently in his. When you keep looking at Jeno, who appears to be relatively untouched other than his slightly disheveled clothes and hair, your boyfriend’s eyes darken. You don’t see, but Jeno does. His blood cools, afraid of whatever is possessing his friend. The moment of clarity is gone. Jaemin’s face then morphs into a perfect mask that makes Jeno almost believe the encounter never happened. He tugs on your hand, getting your attention. “Come on, Y/N.”

“Alright…” You grab your bag, Jaemin’s hand never leaving yours. “It was nice finally meeting you, Jeno.”

“You… you, too.” The tone he’s using with you reminds you of an old memory, but you can’t quite place it. You let Jaemin pull you along and out the door. He starts up a new topic and you forget about the strange incident for a while. He’s always been too good at distracting you.

He’s in your dorm room that night, cuddling with you in your bed and holding you close with a hand on your hip and your head tucked in the crook of his neck. Mumbling into his chest, you reflect on your day. “It was really nice to finally meet Jeno.” He hums in response, hoping that’s all you’ll say about the topic. You continue. “Hm, I never got his Kakao. I-”

“Why do you need his Kakao?”

The way he interrupts you is uncharacteristic of him, so you shift in his arms, trying to look at him better. “What do you mean? He was fun to talk to. I could bug him and ask him questions about you.”

He relaxes at that. You’re too perfect - the definition of a loving, devoted girlfriend. The least he can do is give you that same devotion back by keeping you away from other temptations. Away from even Jeno, who he can’t trust anymore. Not after today. He sighs, his thumb running over your hip soothingly. “He’s garbage at responding to messages. You wouldn’t want to text him, anyways.”

“Mm, okay, whatever.” When you make a noise of contentment and lie back down in the same position as before, he knows everything is fine once again.

Jaemin lets himself get carried away far too often. He knows he does. But the way you make him feel - lighter than air, higher than the stars - is what causes it. He wouldn’t give that up for anything in the world. The sound of your clothing rustling and the little kisses you exchange with him in the library, in a secluded corner than hardly anyone goes to, sound so loud in the small space, but the feeling of being with each other is sweet enough for both of you to drop your guard for a little too long.

“Jaemin,” you half-whisper, half-giggle, “stop.”

His hand slides up your thigh slightly higher, the tickling sensation turning into something more warm and anticipatory. “Do you really want me to?”

You hide your mouth with your hand and mumble into it, your face growing hotter by the second. “Someone will see.”

“No one will see. Y/N…” His hand barely slips under the edge of your short skirt before you hear laughter from down the row of bookshelves. You and Jaemin both freeze, looking to the source. Three guys, one you recognize from one of your classes, are standing at the end of a nearby bookshelf. You had been so busy with Jaemin that you hadn’t noticed them approaching.

“Getting busy in the library, are we? Mind if we join?” You don’t catch the tightening of Jaemin’s jaw and the near murderous glint in his eyes. All you feel is your face heating up and embarrassment as you lift your boyfriend’s hand away from your thigh. After it leaves your skin, his hand curls into a fist.

“Yeah, we mind. Get lost.” Jaemin’s face displays irritation and a hint of a threat, but the guys just laugh.

“You’re telling us to get lost? We were just admiring you feeling up your pretty girl in the library.” A second guy speaks, his eyes raking over you, making you feel exposed.

Jaemin stands up suddenly, the chair squeaking backwards at the sudden movement and startling you. “You guys wanna die?”

“Jaemin, come on…” You reach up to grab his hand, tugging on it.

“What? I’m just complimenting your girl.”

“Bastard, keep your filthy eyes off of her or I’ll-”

“Jaemin,” you whisper, pleading with your eyes, “please.”

When he meets eyes with you, the tension in his shoulders loosens a bit and he sighs. “Fine. Let’s go.”

You laugh about the embarrassing incident with him later that night. A few hours later, his body count triples. The police report the accident as a drunken run-in with a group from the bad side of town. Jaemin watches you frown in concern when you see the news. The baseball bat he had used is shoved in a garbage bag under his bed.

The second year of university, he asks you if you want to move in with him. He had planted the seed of the idea in your head months before so that, when he finally asks, you eagerly say yes. You know your relationship with him is serious, more serious than the relationships any of your friends have, but you’re more than happy to take that step with him. Your parents love Jaemin, so you have no problem convincing them. In fact, as you move in, you have no problems at all. On the first day, you spend your time taking things out of boxes and dancing around the small apartment with your boyfriend, who takes every opportunity he can to pull you into hugs or plant kisses all over your face. Sunlight streams in through the windows that you have yet to put curtains on. After a break in the middle of the day to, well, break in the bed that the two of you will share, you finish setting up and step back, observing your new living space. Jaemin turns on some music, pulls you closer, and the two of you sway back and forth.

He can’t describe living with you as anything other than bliss. Where he can see you and hear you and feel you at so many hours of the day. Except, somehow, his head hurts even more when you’re gone. You… you’re the addiction he could never get rid of. He needs you. When you’re sad, he’s sad, when you’re happy, he’s happy.

You, on the other hand, walk a little faster past dark alleys, look around more than your friends do. It’s that feeling of eyes, still present whenever Jaemin is gone. You just want that feeling to go away.

When he comes home to the sound of you crying one night about a month into the semester, an unsettling feeling instinctually warps his emotions. His body instantly runs hot and cold and he sprints to where you are, seeing you curled up on your shared bed, sobs racking your body. “Y/N, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?” He tries to stay focused, but an all-consuming rage starts to fill him. Whoever made you cry is going to regret being born. He’ll punish them himself. You shake your head, continuing to sob, and he slowly unwraps your hands from around yourself, moving them until you’re clinging to him instead and he’s pulling you into his arms. “It’s okay, I’m here, it’s okay.” It takes you a few minutes more to calm down, your sobs slowly turning to sniffles and a few more silent tears. He strokes your hair, keeps your head cradled in the crook of his neck. “Tell me what happened, baby.”

You shake your head, mumbling out a response against his shirt. “It’s stupid…”

“You’re crying, it’s not stupid.” His voice is deadly serious, cold as stone, and you hug him tighter. He realizes how he sounds and softens his voice. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me…”

“Jaemin,” you say, your voice muffled, “you’re too good for me.”

His heart nearly stops. You’re in pain. You might leave him because you think he’s too good for you. You might leave him. “No,” he croaks out, his own emotions threatening to consume him, “I’m not. You’re the one who’s too good for me. Why would you ever think that?”

“This girl from my class… she said it and… it just got me thinking and… she’s right. You’re-”

Suddenly, Jaemin is kissing you. It’s not a new action, not in the slightest, but this kiss feels different somehow. He pulls away, leaving you breathless. “She’s wrong. Y/N, you’re perfect. You’re my entire world. If you think I’ll ever leave you,” you can’t leave me, “you’re wrong. You’re my sun, more precious than gold, and I’ll do anything for you. You’re my angel and without you, my world is dark. I would have nothing without you.” He finds his tongue loosened, spilling words that he wouldn’t normally admit, drunk on rage and desperation and the clawing fear that you’ll leave him. Don’t leave me don’t leave me don’t leave me. His hands tighten around you almost painfully. He kisses you again, a short press of his lips against yours, and lets out a shaky breath. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.” You whisper against his lips, letting him kiss his love into you. With his words, your insecurity starts to melt away, leaving a different sort of nagging unease at the back of your mind. A bitter taste in the back of your throat that you can barely tell is there, but is sometimes strong enough that you can tell something is wrong and doesn’t go away even if you brush your teeth a thousand times. That sometimes comes and goes quickly as he starts to kiss you with a feverish need. You don’t know why, but something seems off about Jaemin.

A few hours later, he’s holding you, lying in bed with you. His hand cards through your hair, his eyes earnest and soft as he gazes at your now relaxed face. “Who was it? That said that to you.”

“Kim Yuna. From my biology class. You shouldn’t hate her, though. She’s probably just jealous that I have such a sweet, loving, handsome boyfriend.” He smiles at that, but his insides grow cold. Tomorrow night, maybe. That’s when he’ll punish her.

The next night, he slips a sleeping pill in your drink at dinner. A colorless, tasteless thing just so you won’t wake up when he leaves to do business that night. When you go to sleep, more drowsy than usual, Jaemin’s arm is around you, spooning you against his body, his own soft breaths landing on your exposed neck and his heartbeat not quite in sync with yours. You don’t feel as he untangles his body from yours after he’s sure your breathing has slowed enough for you to be asleep, you don’t see as he slips on a black hoodie, jeans, and gloves and steps outside, you don’t hear as Yuna screams when his blade sinks into her once for each tear she made you cry, you don’t realize what’s happening as he knocks out a homeless man that reeks of alcohol and presses the blade into his hand. All you know is the feeling of Jaemin wrapped around your body, embracing you loosely, the morning light coming through the curtains casting pretty shadows on his face, and the low, rumbly sound of his voice as he tells you “good morning” when the soft tracing of your fingertips on his cheekbones wakes him up.

On your third anniversary of being together, it seems like you and Jaemin have the same idea. You beat him to giving him his gift, presenting him with a gold colored ring, the outside carved with delicate vines and your anniversary date carved into the inside. You were afraid that it would be too much - you’re not even engaged yet, and you’re sure it’s a yet - but the way he hugs you and promises to wear it as much as he can validates your decision and you practically glow when you smile at him. Then, from the depths of one of his coat pockets where he was trying to keep it hidden from you, he pulls out a little box. Inside of the box is a beautiful, simple gold necklace. It has a tiny heart charm on it that, when you flip it over, has the hangul of Jaemin��s name carved into it.

“I always want to be close to your heart,” he says, a whispered confession in the space of your small apartment, “just like that.” After he secures the chain around your neck, you’re tugging him out the door, to the nearby ice cream shop that has replaced the one you used to go to back home and that both of you have grown to love.

It’s late by the time you get back and both of you have class tomorrow. You’re no longer shy about being naked in front of him, so, as you’re getting ready for bed, you don’t even ask him to leave the room. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches you change clothes, a smirk of satisfaction coming to his face. You’re his. The satisfying feeling that comes with you wearing the necklace with his name on it is the same contentment that comes with eating a good meal or waking up from a nice nap. He feels complete, whole, because you’ll always have a piece of him with you.

At least, it’s enough for a moment. Like with eating or sleeping, the feeling eventually fades and he’s left empty once again. He doesn’t even pretend he’s not watching you anymore. His eyebrows draw together, furrowing under the confusion he feels as he watches you reach behind your neck, attempting to unclasp the necklace. “What are you doing?”

“Hm? I’m getting ready for bed. What’s wrong?” You stop moving for a moment, giving him a look. There’s an expression on his face that you don’t recognize. His eyes are on your neck.

“You should keep it on.” He has enough control of himself that he can make it sound like a suggestion instead of the command he truly means it to be. There’s a crippling sort of fear inside of him at the thought of you taking off his gift. It’s not a feeling he can explain, but he’s certain something terrible will happen if you take it off. He doesn’t want you to take it off. You can’t take it off. The next word he lets out has a hint of his desperation leaking out. “Please.”

“Your necklace?” You muse, tracing the chain with your finger. “Jaem, I love you, but I’m trying to get ready for bed. I have to take it off.” You reach back again and he strides over to you quickly, his hands sealing over yours. His grip, normally warm and comforting, feels tight, choking now, his knuckles just barely pressing into your neck where his hands wrap around yours.

“Keep it on.” He insists again and you blink at him slowly. What’s wrong with him?

“Jaemin, I have to take it off. I don’t want to choke in my sleep,” you say, resisting the push of his hand against yours. His eyes are desperate, the chain on your neck straining slightly under the combined force of both of your hands as he fights against you.

“No. Don’t take it off.” The grip of his hands on yours suddenly becomes harsher, stronger, and you whimper, feeling the gold press marks into your skin.

“Jaemin, let go, that hurts!” Your back to your vanity, you can’t move away any further. When you look into his eyes, your stomach drops in fear. You had never seen him look this scary before, but at this moment, he is murderous, terrifying. This isn’t the sweet boy you had fallen in love with. Something is very, very wrong.

“Promise you won’t take it off. Promise!” The way he phrases it sounds almost childish, but you know there’s a threat behind the words. What would he do to you if you disobeyed him?

“Okay,” you say, voice barely a whisper, “I won’t take it off.”

His hand shakes as he unlatches it from the chain and cups your cheek. He’s normally warm, but not now. Now, he’s ice cold. “Promise me.” His eyes are full of passion, but somehow dull at the same time, as if he lost a part of himself and is trying to fill it in another way. He’s a void, empty and trying desperately to drag you in.

“I promise.” You force the words from your lips.

“Good girl,” he coos, and a lump catches in your throat as he reaches up to stroke your hair. You’re afraid of what you just agreed to. You don’t have the strength or will to pull away as he slowly presses his lips to yours. His lips, which had once been familiar, feel foreign now. His eyes still have that dullness to them when he pulls away. You used to think he had all the stars in the universe in his eyes, but now something has drawn all the light out of them. “I love you,” he says, those eyes burning deep into your own, sucking you in.

“I-” You don’t know anymore. “I love you, too, Jaemin.”

“You’re mine,” he says, pecking you on the lips again. “You’ll never leave me, right?” You shake your head, like you’re in a trance. “We’ll be together forever.”

“Forever.” You echo, your voice ringing hollow.

“Don’t be scared,” he murmurs, fingers grazing your cheek before they fall to take your hand, “let’s go to bed.” You let him lead you to the bed, let him tuck you in next to him, let him pull you into his arms, let him whisper goodnight to you like he usually does. There’s something so off-puttingly normal about the way he moves now that has you unmoving in his arms, tense and unable to relax. His arms around are usually so comforting, but now… now, they feel like bars of a cell. Shackles. What happened to him?

Sometime, somehow, you slip into a fitful sleep.

He can’t sleep. Not until he feels you relax in his arms, finally drifting off. The room is too dark for him to see more than just the faint outline of your features, but he stares, eyes wide open now that you’ve drifted off. Slowly, carefully, as to not disturb you, he untangles his limbs from yours. He just wants to see.

Slowly, he makes his way to the window, opening the curtains quietly. Cool moonlight bleeds through the glass, casting long shadows around him and falling on your figure. The gold chain on your neck still glitters, even with just that little bit of light reflecting off of it. From his view at the window, he swears he can still read his name engraved on the necklace and he can’t help but smile at the thought that you would be his forever.

The way you look, comfortably asleep in his bed, face and body completely relaxed and at ease, stills the pounding of his head for just a moment. It’s only gotten worse recently. The only time it doesn’t hurt is when he’s with you, when he can see you and feel you and touch you. You’re both his poison and his antidote. There is no cure. Not that he would want one - he only wants you. It feels like it’s only ever been you.

He wasn’t always like this, but, now, it’s hard to remember a time when he didn’t need you as much as he needs air. It wasn’t until he met you that he realized how dangerous the world is, how greedy the eyes of men are. You’re a flower that he needs to protect from anything that could harm or sully you. He will take care of you, even if it means putting you in a glass case and killing anyone who gets near.

That’s right - you would look prettiest if you stayed in this room forever, he’s sure. But you wouldn’t have that. That’s okay. If everyone else is part of the outside world, he would be the glass protecting you.

What good is a bird if it’s not in a cage?

Satisfied at the glimmer of gold around your neck, he draws the curtains shut once again and returns to your side.

You wake up before Jaemin does. The morning light dances over his face, making him look as pretty and innocent as ever. What happened to him last night? Your mind flashes back to the cold, empty look he had in his eyes, and all you can do is shut your eyes and turn away, facing the opposite direction from him. One of his arms is slung over your abdomen, but it feels like it’s burning into your skin. It’s early enough that your alarm hasn’t rung yet, but you know it will soon. You’ll have to go about your day like everything is fine and normal. That thought has your stomach turning. Just as you’re about to get up and out of bed, your morning alarm goes off. Jaemin groans and his eyes flicker open as he turns slightly, pressing the button to turn off the beeping. He shifts so that both of his arms are around you, pulling you against his body.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he says in that gravelly morning voice of his between the moist kisses he plants on your neck. When you stiffen in his touch, he frowns, pulling away slightly. “What’s wrong?”

You muster up the courage to speak to him. “Jaemin, we have to talk about last night. What happened to you?”

He appears confused when you say that, which confuses you in turn. “What are you talking about? After we got back from getting ice cream, you were so tired that you went straight to bed. You barely even said goodnight before you were out.” Your eyebrows furrow. It felt so real. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“I…” Was that all it was? A really vivid dream? Now that you think about it, that makes sense - your Jaemin wouldn’t do something like that in reality. Lying in bed with you, he’s the Jaemin you’ve always known: his eyes soft and warm, his voice low and sweet, his arms gentle around you. “I guess so. Sorry, Jaem.”

His hand shifts under the covers so that it ghosts over your upper thigh. He looks at you with those pleading puppy eyes, his tongue not-so-subtly darting out to wet his lips. “I could make you feel better, if you want.”

You swallow hard, body already anticipating him. His distracting abilities are phenomenal and you really need that from him right now. You know his diversion would get rid of that last little bit of doubt in your mind and you always give yourself enough time before class to be ‘distracted’ by him, after all. Your golden necklace shines in the little bit of sunlight coming through the curtains as you move to get closer to him. “Shower first?”

“I prefer breakfast first.”

When you’re finally properly getting ready about thirty minutes later, you glance down after washing your face. On the palm of your hand is a trail of bruises shaped like the chains of your new necklace.

He made a mistake. That much he knows. The way you pull away from his touch, the lingering fear in your eyes, they hurt him more than anything. But, you kept the necklace on. Maybe he feels guilty, or like he’s slipping up. Maybe that’s why he agrees to go to your friend’s party with you a few weeks later. Prior to then, he always distracted you with dates and sex and anything else he could to keep you from going out to things like that but, now, maybe it’ll be okay. That’s what he convinces himself of for a few days.

Now, seeing you in the tight black dress that you had gotten for the occasion, anxiety about the event creeps up on him. His eyes rake over your figure and all he can think about is the attention you’ll get from other men, the lustful stares, the wandering hands. You can’t go out like that. That thought finally prompts him to speak. “Y/N, you shouldn’t wear that.”

“Why not? I think it looks good on me.” You twirl, as if your dress isn’t so tight that it’s incapable of flaring out. You try to be playful with him, hoping that what he said was a joke. When you came out, all dolled up for the party, you had expected a ‘wow’ or ‘isn’t my girlfriend so sexy?’ Anything but what had actually come out of his mouth.

“That’s not the point.” He grits his teeth, doubling down. Though the way the piece of fabric hugs your every curve is a welcome sight to him, his possessive side wins out - like it always does. After that slip-up with the necklace, he knows he should be trying harder to repress it so that you don’t notice, but he can’t help it. Not then, not now.

You stop moving, staring at him with a quirked eyebrow and a hand on your hip. He’s really serious? “The point of a party is to have fun and look good, is it not? Come on, Jaem. If you’re allowed to look good, so am I.”

“You look good in everything, “ he says, pushing his tongue to the inside of his cheek in frustration as he eyes you up and down once more, “you just shouldn’t wear… that.”

You press your lips together in a tight line. Your next words are a dare you hope he doesn’t take you up on. “And what do you mean by that, Na Jaemin?”

He grits his teeth again. You’re really not getting the message? “I don’t want you going out looking like a whore.”

Your eyes widen and he immediately knows he’s made another mistake. Before he can even attempt to apologize, you’re throwing on the black heels you bought to match your dress and hissing out a response. “Well, you can just stay home while your girlfriend of three years acts like a “whore” with her friends, then.” You raise your fingers to make air quotes around the offending word. The golden necklace with his name on it glimmers around your neck as you turn, grab your bag, and storm out the door.

Instantly, his head starts pounding and it feels like his heart has been filled with molten lava. “Fuck,” he hisses between gritted teeth, “fuck.” By the time he catches his breath and has the thought that he should catch you, apologize, do anything to stop you from going out, he knows you’re long gone, in your friend’s car who was coming to pick you up. He can’t make you come back. But, he can…

The jeans, loose button up, and baseball cap are a good enough disguise. You gave him the name of the club that party is at a few days ago, so it’s easy enough for him to make his way there and slip inside through a back door. Sit in a booth near you with a little divider that blocks his face unless you’re purposefully looking through it but doesn’t block the sound of your voice. Spare a glance at you before he sits down, where you’re so beautiful that you glow even under the dim lights of the club. At times, your voice is low enough that he can’t hear it over the throbbing bass filling the venue, but he hears enough. He can tell that when your friends ask what’s wrong, you’re trying to perk up and act like everything is okay, but it’s not. He upset you. But he can deal with that later. Right now, what matters is that you’re safe.

He hears as your friends get up to dance, but you say you want to finish your drink first and you’ll join them soon. The thought of you dancing with a stranger makes him swallow hard and clench his fists, the skin over his knuckles turning bone white, but he doesn’t have enough time to be angry about that before someone, recently emerging from the dance floor, sidles up to you. From his stagger and how his voice is far too loud, even for the club, Jaemin can tell he’s drunk. Whether he knows it or not, this man is choosing his fate by what he says next.

“Baby,” he drawls, making Jaemin want to gag and punch him at the same time, “why don’t you come dance? Give me some company.”

“I have all the company I want here,” you say back, your voice louder than normal but still more even and quiet than the stranger’s. You idly swirl the remainder of your fruity drink in its glass with sluggish circles of your wrist.

“Come on, have some fun. Have some fun now and we can have some fun later.” Jaemin’s breathing starts to come out unevenly, the edges of his vision turning red.

“I have a boyfriend. Please, leave me alone.” That makes the red go away for a moment and a swell of pride take its place. His beautiful, loyal girlfriend. That feeling goes away as the stranger speaks again.

“Bitches get boyfriends and start pretending they’re too good to have a little fun? Your dress screams that you’re begging for some dick. I could fuck you better than any-” With each word that comes out of that vile pig’s mouth, Jaemin’s nails press tighter into the skin of his palm, nearly drawing blood.

“I don’t appreciate you talking to my friend like that!”

He lets his shoulders sag as your friends approach from the dance floor, driving off the stranger. He leaves with a few more curses while Jaemin makes careful note of his face. His eyes lock on the table as he thinks about everything he could do to him for daring to even look at you. For a moment, it’s almost like he can already taste the blood. Then, just before he’s about to get up and tail the guy, he hears your soft sniffling and the consoling words of your friends.

“Y/N, it’s okay, he’s gone now! We can enjoy the rest of the night.”

“I’m sorry,” you say, quietly enough that he has to strain his ears, “I just started off the night really bad. Jaemin was supposed to come with me and I just totally stormed off without him and…” He can tell from your babbling that the alcohol is getting to you. “I want to go home. Knowing Jaemin, he’s probably beating himself up over this right now and I just don’t think I’m in the mood to be out right now. Sorry for ruining your party, Gowon.”

“It’s okay! You didn’t ruin anything. Go get your boy.” She cheers you on, much to Jaemin’s delight. You’ve always been soft-hearted enough that even when he said something unforgivable to you, you still want to go home to him. You’re wrapped around his finger even tighter than he thought you were. He can smile at that.

As you’re on your phone, arranging a pick up, he slips back out. No matter how much he wants to follow that guy, to punish him for what he said to you, it’s more important that he meet you now. When he gets back, he does his best to change, throwing the clothes that now stink of the club into his laundry basket, changing into something more casual, and spraying on an extra coat of the cologne he was already wearing, your favorite scent on him, just to mask the smell more. He hopes it’s enough that your tipsy self won’t notice. Not a moment later, you’re clumsily unlocking the door and walking in, shutting the door heavily behind you. He rises to meet you, emerging from the bedroom to see you throwing your heels to the side.

When he sees the tears in your eyes, he approaches you with a quiet call of your name. “Y/N? What happened?”.

“Jaemin, I’m sorry for walking out on you like that,” you sniffle, peering up at him with teary eyes, “I know you just care about me. You’re right, I shouldn’t have gone out wearing this. A guy tried to get me to go home with him and he told me he thought I wanted some dick because of my dress. I’m sorry.”

Another step forward, then closing the gap and working to dry the tears smearing your makeup. “No, baby, I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have called you that. If I went to the party with you, that guy wouldn’t have even dared to approach. I know I hurt you, I’m sorry.” He pecks you on the lips several times and you wrap your arms around him in return, pulling him in for a deeper kiss. He hadn’t been drinking, but the sweetness of your lips drives him wild, making him feel dizzy and drunk. He mumbles against your lips. “Let me make it up to you.”

Later, when your body is still under the sheets, the gold chain still comfortably resting around your neck and your makeup sloppily wiped off in the few minutes you managed to stay awake after he was finished ‘making it up to you,’ he lies awake, watching your quiet breathing like he always does in times like these. If he stops looking at your face, he’s afraid the regret of not following the man who had harassed you would consume him, make his headache rise again, make him drag himself out of bed to go track him down, no matter how difficult of a task it is. Even when he pulls you closer and tries to sleep, all he can think about is him. His last thought before he drifts off himself is that he’ll find him. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon.

Jaemin isn’t sure whether to call it lucky or unlucky when he’s out on a picnic date with you, enjoying the setting sun in the park, and he sees the guy from the club. The man doesn’t seem to recognize the growing anger on his face, instead sauntering over to you and allowing Jaemin time to compose himself slightly.

“I’m sure you remember me from the club the other day, sweetheart.” Jaemin’s jaw clenches. How dare he speak to you? How dare he?

Your eyes also narrow, irritation clear on your face. “I thought I asked you to leave me alone.”

“And miss the chance to look at your pretty face?” His gaze then shifts over and he eyes Jaemin. “So, this is the cuck who lets his girlfriend go out dressed like a slut?”

“You’re the asshole who tries to hit on other guys’ girlfriends?” Jaemin fires back.

“Yeah, and I could’ve been successful if her friends hadn’t interfered.”

“You think you could piece of shit like you could ever get a girl like mine?”

“I could get a common whore like her any day.”

That comment is what has him leaping out of his seat and grabbing the man’s collar. His fist connects with the man’s face once, twice, three times, and he’s on the ground, kneeling over him and slamming his fists into whatever he can hit - eyes, nose, jaw - over and over again. He’s no match for your boyfriend and, for a moment, all you can do is watch. Watch as Jaemin effortlessly holds down this man and hits him, blood covering his fist from where the other man’s nose is now clearly broken. Luckily, the area is pretty abandoned, so no one is there to witness the incident, but you’re still yelling, grabbing onto Jaemin’s shoulders and shrieking at him to get off of the man. Jaemin’s fists slow and you pull him off the other guy, who crawls backwards, spitting blood.

“What the hell is wrong with you, kid?!” His face is all shades of red and purple, blood smearing across his nose and mouth when he wipes at it. “You’re fucking insane!”

“Yeah?” Jaemin says, his voice eerily even. He’s not even breathing hard. It’s like all he had done was stand up. Subconsciously, your nails dig into his arm and you can feel his quickened heart rate.“Maybe I am.”

“You fucked with the wrong guy, kid. You’ll regret this, you’ll really regret this.” The man’s voice shakes - he clearly is having the same realizations about Jaemin that you are. Still, he spits out threats as he shakily rises to his feet and stumbles away.

He disappears from view, but Jaemin’s eyes continue to blankly stare in that direction. All you can do is look at him. Never, not once, have you seen him physically hurt anyone. He never gets into fights, never hits people, never even looks at anyone the wrong way. But that - whatever just happened - was so easy for him. What happened to him?

You find that’s not the first time you’re asking yourself that question.

He seems to snap out of his thoughts a moment later, turning to see you staring at him, a wide-eyed, scared expression on your face. “Let’s go home,” is all he says before he’s stiffly packing up the things you had brought with you. When he extends his hand for you to take, you grab onto it out of habit and see some of the warmth return to his eyes. He’s smiling at you gently, tugging you along the path back home. “Are you okay?”

“Are you?” After you nod, your words come out as more of a murmur, as if you’re afraid to ask him. Because you’re afraid to ask him.

“Yeah,” he says, chuckling a beat later, “my fists hurt, though.”

“Why did you do that?”

He looks away from you, focusing on the sidewalk ahead of him. “I just lost it for a second because of what he said to you. He… he had no right.” His thumb runs over your knuckles, a motion that would normally be soothing. Now, you’re not sure how to feel.

“Jaemin, where did you learn to fight?” How did he learn to do it so well?

“I did taekwondo for a while as a kid, then Jeno and I took some kickboxing classes together in high school.” At that, you relax. It’s a perfectly reasonable explanation. It makes sense, more sense than anything else in the last few minutes has. You cling to that answer, forcing down the rising concern in your mind, shoving that feeling into a dark corner of your thoughts and hoping you never have to see it again.

You just want things to be okay. Maybe that’s ignorant and selfish, but you don’t want to think about Jaemin any differently than you did not even an hour ago. You don’t know what you would do if things weren’t okay.

When you get home, he lets you clean up his knuckles and wrap them in bandages. They had split and started bleeding a bit when he was punching the other man, though you try not to dwell on that. The man got up and walked away and, though he didn’t look too pretty, he’ll live.

Why are you afraid that he might not?

Shaking the thought off, you raise his hands up, pressing a kiss to the bandages on each of his hands. When you look up at him, he’s gazing down at you, his eyes soft and warm. That’s the Jaemin you know, you tell yourself. “No more fighting, okay?” You whisper, keeping eye contact with him.

He leans forward, quickly capturing your lips in a kiss. Something about the kiss reminds you of the first time he had kissed you in the hallway three years ago, where the only thoughts you had about him were honey sweet and full of wonder. “As you wish,” he mumbles against your lips before going back in to kiss you again.

When you’re sleeping later that night, his arms are around you as usual. Once again, his thoughts are consumed with that man. He’s not scared of him. No, why would he be? He’s scared for you. As long as that piece of filth lives, he can come after you. He can keep hurting you so long as he still draws breath. He had already drawn his blood - he just needs to go a little further next time. Keep hitting him until the light leaves his eyes. He can try to understand what he did wrong in his grave. Taking a shaky breath, Jaemin tries to ignore the phantom taste of blood in his mouth, the feeling of the hot, irony liquid coating his hands that isn’t there, not yet. I need to kill him.

“Doll, do you want to go out tonight? I want to make up for ruining Gowon’s party for you.”

It’s a few days later, the next weekend, when he speaks up. You look from your laptop, where you had been idly checking emails and doing a little bit of schoolwork. “The club? You didn’t ruin anything, Jaems.”

He rolls over so that he’s next to you in the bed, his arms circling around your waist. “I know I did, Y/N. You don’t have to deny it.”

Your hand idly goes to his hair, threading through the silken strands. “I would be okay with doing some drinking and dancing with you. But only if you want to!” You recognize that his offer is somewhat strange, not something he would usually bring up himself, but you imagine it would be fun to go to the club with him.

“Wear something pretty tonight,” he says, winking at you slyly before he rolls away, getting off of the bed. “I’m gonna go shower.”

This time, you don’t pull out that same tight black stress, opting for something a little less showy, something you’re sure your boyfriend will be happy with. Your heels are a little more modest, your makeup a little more simple. When it’s late enough and you’re both ready, you do a little twirl for Jaemin, who whistles in appreciation. “My pretty girlfriend,” he says, reaching for your hand so he can spin you, “are you ready?” You nod.

He knows he is.

It’s a different experience, arriving through the front and not the back, but he welcomes it. All it takes is a single sweep over the club for him to find the man from before, his face still swollen with bruises and some sort of strong alcohol in his hand. Good.

You greet the three friends who you invited out as well. Jaemin had told you to get others to come, that it would be more fun. You sip on a fruit drink, one with less alcohol than last time, and his hand rests idly on your thigh, his fingertips playing with the lace edge of your dress. He smiles at your giggling comments, feigns listening to your friends as they talk, makes all the right moves. Finally, the man from before stumbles out the back door, alone. Jaemin excuses himself from your group, saying something about the bathroom.

The man is outside smoking when Jaemin catches up to him. “Hey,” Jaemin says, catching his attention, “I wanted to talk to you.”

It takes a moment for the man to recognize him. When he finally does, he throws his cigarette down, clumsily putting it out with his boot. “You… I told you that you’d regret what you did. C’mere.”

“Let’s talk somewhere more private, yeah?” The man scowls before following him. They enter a side alley, somewhere quieter, away from all prying eyes.

“Don’t want anyone to see you get the life beaten out of you, kid?” The man drawls, stumbling slightly in his drunkenness. He raises his fists. “Hope you said goodbye to your girlfriend.”

He throws the first punch. Sloppy as expected, easy enough to sidestep. Jaemin’s leg sweeps out, knocking one of his feet out from under him. He falls to the ground, smashing his head into the broken concrete of the dilapidated alley. Not one to give up, the man gets up after a moment, attempting to hit him again. Another easy dodge and Jaemin is using the momentum to slam his palm into the man’s head, sending his head into the brick wall of the alley with a sickening crack. A spot of blood is barely visible on the bricks in the dark. He crouches down next to the man, who is breathing hard, trying to get up but unable to because of the spinning of his head. For a moment, Jaemin just watches him attempt to get up, slumping back down over and over again. He doesn’t smile. He doesn’t breath any harder. In fact, he hardly does anything at all. He just watches.

Slowly, he begins to speak. “Do you understand now?”

The man gurgles out something that resembles a curse and Jaemin reacts lightning fast, lifting the man’s head up before slamming it into the ground again. Another cracking sound, more blood.

“Do you? Do you know what you did?”

All that comes out is a groan this time. The bloody mess of a man reaches out and Jaemin’s shoe lands on his fingers, crushing them. The man barely has enough strength to cry out.

“No,” he says, putting more pressure on his fingers, “you don’t. And you never will.”

He lifts the man’s head and, with both hands, smashes it down again. And again. And again. A pool begins to form under his head. Jaemin’s hands are coated with blood now, he knows it. He can feel the liquid splattering onto the sleeves of his loose black dress shirt. He can’t stop. He doesn’t want to stop.

It’s all for you. Always for you.

Jaemin has been gone for too long. When you wonder aloud about his whereabouts, one of your friends mentions that they saw him go out the back door. Confused, you get up, saying you’re going to go check on him. Behind the club, there’s litter, scattered bottles of alcohol, and cigarette butts, one of which is still smoking slightly. You frown, making a quiet noise of disgust. People are really that careless? From farther away, you hear a cracking noise, like the sound of someone breaking open a watermelon on the first day of summer. Some sort of sick intuition has you following the source of the noise, leading you to the opening of a side alley.

It takes a moment for you to process what you’re seeing, but when it sinks in, your gasp gives you away. Jaemin’s head turns towards you fast, too fast, before he relaxes when he sees it’s you.

“Y/N,” he says, “you weren’t supposed to see this.” He speaks like he was just hiding Christmas presents and you had caught him, or like he was stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. Not… not this. The way he rises to his feet is stiff, like he had just woken up from years of sleeping.

It’s the same for you. You’re finally awake. Years of blindness, of willful ignorance. Now, you can finally see.

You can’t speak. There’s blood over everything and you know it isn’t his. “Baby,” he says, using that same sickly sweet tone of voice, “what’s wrong?”

Something about his question finally makes it so you can breathe again and your shallow, panicked breaths make the easy expression drop from his face. “Y/N…” He reaches out and you step back, so he stops, looking down at his hands with a dead, appraising expression. The attempt he makes at cleaning off the blood covering his hands just smears it further on his pristine skin and wipes some onto his pants. “Ah, sorry. I didn’t mean to get so messy.”

“Jae…” You can’t even bring yourself to finish his name. You want to run, but your legs won’t let you. You take a step back, but stumble, nearly falling down. He catches you and your skin crawls as you feel the blood on his hands transfer onto yours.

“Don’t be afraid,” he says, too calm, too cold, too detached, “he won’t hurt you anymore.”

What is he saying?

“I dont… I don’t understand… why…?” You can’t keep your eyes off of the body slumped in the alley.

“Stop looking at him.” Jaemin’s grip on you is crushing, even more so than the night he had prevented you from taking your necklace off. A night that now clicks back into your brain as you realize that this is the real him. He had lied to you about it being a dream. What else had he lied about? Whoever the man in front of you is, you don’t know him. This can’t be him. But it is. You can’t deny it anymore. You shut your eyes at the pain and he lets up. You slowly open your eyes to meet his. When you look at him, he raises a hand to cup your cheek. “I promised I would protect you. I love you, Y/N. More than anything in the world.”

“You killed him,” you breathe out, unable to look away from the void of Jaemin’s eyes now, “you killed him.”

“He deserved to die.” The words come out as a growl. It’s beyond Jaemin’s imagination how you can possibly be sympathizing with this man. “After what he said to you? What he wanted to do to you?”

“He’s still a person!” You shriek, trying to jerk away from him. His grip tightens.

“No man,” he says, “no one like him is a person to me.”

The image you have of your boyfriend, who you’ve been with for three years and known for four, morphs in your mind. Where he had once been so pure, a golden ray of sunlight that you wanted to dwell in forever, you realize now that the shadows he’s casting are darker and longer than any of the light he’s given you. You’ve been in denial for far too long. Jaemin is a monster.

With all of the strength you can muster, you fight against him. Trying to pull away, get away, run from this person that you no longer know, that you’re not sure you ever knew. You take a step away and his arms are around you, embracing you in a crushing motion that makes it feel like you can hardly breathe.

“Don’t run. You can’t run.” He says, pulling you more firmly against him, his grip impossibly strong, impossibly tight. Against your will, you start to sob.

The shackles he placed on you years ago were made of gold, but shackles nonetheless. Maybe some part of him really does love you. But, a larger part of him is sick. Too sick for you to fix and too sick for you to escape. It’s a familiar scene, you, wrapped in his arms, your tears sliding into his shirt. His arms are a prison and, all this time, you’ve never had any hope of escape at all.

“Shh,” he cooes, stroking a blood-covered hand over your hair and tucking your head against his chest, “it’s okay. Everything will be okay. I’ll keep you safe. From everyone.

“Forever.”

#reuploading bc tags were broken :'))#jaemin angst #jaemin smut #nct smut #neowritingsnet #nct angst #debating if i should put this in the fluff tag #maybe not bc even though it has fluff it's too dark #nct dream angst #please let this work this time :( i worked so hard #sorry to the people who saw this before i'm reuploading akdfjas #feel free to pop into my ask box and leave criticism!

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unidentifiedflyingfks · 3 years

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Movie: FINAL GIRL (2015)

Cast: ABIGAIL BRESLIN of Little Miss Sunshine and Zombieland

WES BENTLEY of and The Hunger Games, Yellowstone, and my personal favorite P2

ALEXANDER LUDWIG also of The Hunger Games and Vikings

This movie has literally kept me up all night with questions. Mainly how did they get Abigail Breslin, Wes Bentley, and Ragnar Jr. all to agree to be in this awful movie? Then, answering my own question, can literally anyone with $$ make a movie and pay reasonably well known actors to play in it? Then, is everybody fucking with me?

***Side note: the term ‘final girl’ is a common trope in horror referring to the last girl left alive, or the survivor. (Ex. Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween)

The director, Tyler Shields, is better known for his photography career and before that professional inline skating, funnily enough, where he worked alongside the likes of Tony Hawk and other pro skaters. His photography seems to be centered around shock value with works including items like black guys lynching a KKK member, Lindsay Lohan as a vampire, a crocodile biting a crocodile skin purse, and more recently a photo of Kathy Griffin holding what looks like Donald Trump’s severed head. (Spoiler alert: Donald didn’t take it well) Basically all playing off of easy to reach social issues that will exploit controversy without offering anything other than surface level discomfort IMO. Final Girl was his debut film and while I will credit its high production value and actors I soo wanted to like, that’s where it ends.

(Tyler shields and his infamous photo)

The movie begins with Wes Bentley’s character interviewing a child (young Breslin) who just lost her parents under seemingly violent circumstances. She demonstrates puzzle solving skills and seemingly photographic memory as well as a apathetic view of death—as when she says “death happens” right after the death of her parents. So Bentley recruits her for **something** hard that most people can’t do. He also reveals his wife and child were killed by **someone** (not the villains the whole plot centers around because if they’re seniors in high school at the time they would have been about 6 when his wife was killed assuming it was recent to the death of Breslin’s parents since we’re…. ah doesn’t even matter. Too stupid.)

First of all, I love Abigail Breslin. She’s beautiful, funny, and I especially like her as #5 on Scream Queens. Buttttt, let’s keep it real she was horrible for this role. It was never believable that she was an elite agent trained since childhood to mirk people with her bare hands. That being said, her training basically consisted of talking yourself up, choking Bentley, and taking DMT (Also, what?) so it’s not all on her. I would have even been with it if she used her aforementioned puzzle solving skills and smarts to beat the boys, but instead were treated to unrealistic fights scenes with Breslin’s character takes multiple punches to the face while looking the daintiest I’ve ever seen her.

Stop there if you’d like, you have the jist, but there is a little more.

Anyway it all starts when she’s launched on her mission. Is it the first mission of many, or what she’s been training for her whole life, we don’t know. Breslin befriends a girl in a 50’s style diner with instant milkshakes and they start talking about their love interests. The girl has the hots for a guy other than her boyfriend, and Breslin has the hots for her mentor/dad (basically, right? It’s Wes Bentley I get it, but it’s still kindaaa weird right?) That encounter amounts to very little then Breslin meets Jameson, Alexander Ludwigs of ‘Vikings’, who dresses for prom and invites her out. (Yeah, that’s all I got too)

They meet up with Jameson’s three dumb friends and they’re all wearing their prom garb too. Then they drive out into the wilderness to some teenage drinkin and fuckin couches in the woods—again, not that you’ll see any fuckin’ inthis movie, killin’ motivated crimes only for these teen boys. Breslin’s pops out some DMT laced liquor for the boys and they start playing a game of truth or dare out of a bag for some reason. After a weird spiel from Jameson about a rabbit he feels bad about letting die slowly, Breslin conveniently draws ‘get tied up’ from the truth-or-dare bag. She’s tied behind the back, not that it really matters because she gets out instantly. Then they tell her their plan for the four of them to hunt her down ‘The Most Dangerous Game’ style. They give her five minutes to run, but one guy is too eager to kill her and runs off before the five minutes is up. Luckily he’s tripping balls by now in the way only people who have never tripped any balls imagine tripping balls is like, so while he’s battling two deadmou5e-like apparitions Breslin can steal his axe and kill him with it. Now she’s armed, oh never mind she left the axe in that guy’s chest.

Then she kills another hallucinating guy after taking a couple blows, then she goes after the third guy. Number 3 is also clone kid #7 from UltraViolet, his worst fear is that his girlfriend, the one from the 50’s diner, is fucking Jameson—which she is—and also that she will find out about their “hunting trips” and he will have to kill her for it. After hallucinating all of this, including a fist fight with Jameson who apparently isn’t even there, it is revealed to be Breslin’s character encouraging his hallucinations the whole time. She then kills UltraViolet-child-actor with a rock to the face in the the best kill scene of the film.

(See?)

The only one remaining at this point is Jameson, who incidentally is the only boy who didn’t take the DMT laced drink. Breslin is beat up and exhausted by the time Jameson encounters her. Before THEIR fistfight they engage in a game of wits (not For realz). They each answer each other’s questions with Breslin revealing she enjoyed killing the boys and Jameson AKA Ragnar Jr. admitting they’d already killed 20 women the same way. He then asks her to join him and continue killing together, but she declines, they fist fight, she chokes him like she choked Bentley in the beginning, and drugs him.

(This is the high school goof supposedly responsible for 20 murders. I just can’t get over this. As an avid reader of true crime, numbers like this are unheard of for a guy of his age. Also are we supposed to believe 4 guys in Tuxedos in this seemingly small town have killed 20 women and no one noticed? GTFO)

When Jameson wakes, he’s in a noose on a stump teeter tottering for his life as he starts to hallucinate. He satisfactorily begs Breslin for mercy, then is overtaken by his worst fear—the ghosts of his victims who startle him off the stump and to his death by strangulation.

After Ragnar Jr’s dead, Bentley walks out of the forest with a sniper rifle and I almost freaked TF out. I don’t feel good about comparing it to LOTR, but it’s like Gandalf calling in the giant eagles to take Frodo home after he’s travelled a third of the world to get there ON FOOT. What. Was. The. Point. Seriously. (Actually seriously—would the birds have been corrupted by the ring of power, or is that just like a major plot hole? And was Breslin on hard drugs for a little while and I didn’t hear about it?)

Anyway, after that Breslin and Bentley go to a diner, order pancakes, agree that they taste terrible, and that’s it. The end.

I know you may be thinking ‘yeah unidentifiedflyingfks, but your missing the deeper meaning—they all took the DMT and it made them face their worst fears!’ Yeah—I get that, but it still doesn’t mean it works. I would have literally rather it be magic than DMT. They’d probably all have different reactions and probably not even be incapacitated in the ways depicted in the movie. For it to expose everyone’s ‘worst fears’ is fucking magic anyway so let’s go ahead call a spade a lazy, half baked plot line, m’kay?

What really irks me about this movie though, is it could have been good. Have Breslin act within her skill set and find ways for her to use them that make sense, or at least give her some boxing classes and have her lift weights for Christ’s sake. Also these teens have killed 20 girls already? Where did they even come from? Also Bentley knew and this was the best way he could come up with to take them down? And who told him to act like a total weirdo creep in every scene? I don’t expect much. If you can’t make it good make it funny and this was neither. I wanted to like this movie, I still like Breslin and Bentley, but for as many reviews I read that wanted to give it 0 stars and couldn’t, I will. Never forget…. Oh never mind forget it all.

***0/5 FF’s, first certified TERRIBLE MOVIE!!

Here’s some user comments I found 😂😂 ->

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mrs-i-have-too-many-biases · 4 years

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Bang Chan// Sun and Moon (-light)// Chapter final

Summary: Sun and Moon, different from another, but both unmissable in the world. The sun is warm, it provides daylight. It represents life, strength and growth. The moon, the brightest and largest object in our night sky. It makes the earth more liveable and represents admiration, change, mystery and feelings. The sun is untouchable and unreachable, but what if his ,independent, sun(-shine) becomes his world? Tropes: Enemies to Lovers Season: Spring Pairing: Bang Chan X Reader (ft. Seo Changbin) AU: | Delinquent!Female Reader | Vice President!Bang Chan | School!AU | Non!Idol AU | Genre: Fluff/ Angst Word Count: 6,9K Warnings: HEAVY Themes of bullying, death threats, Themes of Abuse, swearing, insults, Anxiety, Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Self-hatred, Yandere themes? Requested: Yes, (Reference) A/n: For the sake of the fiction, Chan is a twat in the story (his mother is very unpleasant in the story/this chapter), but only for imagines/ fiction purposes only. We all know better than that. I have mentioned his real-life sibling’s names in this chapter/story. Please remember to not harass them.

Chan was waiting impatiently at the gates of the school. The bell rung and he sighed to himself as he had no sign of Y/n yet. She hadn’t talked to him in days and he was still heartbroken. He was worried, he felt like she needed space away from him.

He was glad to be back on his feet. He was happy to see his friends outside again other than them visiting him as he laid in his hospital bed. They were trying to cheer him up and celebrate his hospital discharge. But nothing seemed to be cheering their friend up. Every second, Chan would be looking around tensed, wondering where Y/n was, hoping she could walk into the room any second. But to his disappointment she never did. For almost a week long has Chan been waiting and longing to see her again, not knowing where she could be made him anxious.

‘Did she really need time? Or doesn’t she want to see me?’ Chan had questioned himself as he entered the library again, where he had looked for her countless times. He was frustrated to a point where he could only cry out. He had called Changbin in the hope that she could’ve been there. He hadn’t dared to call him since he felt like Changbin probably had her under his wings. But Chan’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach when he heard a surprised stutter coming from Changbin on the other side of the phone.

“What do you mean, I thought she was with you.” He stuttered in a whisper. Both of their eyes widened in shock and worry when the realisation hit to them that Y/n was nowhere to be found. They had met up quickly and searched for her all over the town.

Chan was crying, Changbin was worried sick. Both thought that the other had everything under control and that she was safe and sound with him, turned out they were both wrong. “Changbin, it’s getting late. We’ve been searching all day. Where could she be?” Chan shouts in the air before breaking down onto his knees. “We have to keep searching, this can’t be happening. I can’t afford to lose her. I can’t-“ “Changbin calm down, we’ll find her.” “How do you know! You haven’t heard her talk about her wanting to end her life in front of you!” Changbin shouted as he dropped down onto his knees as well as he started to sob.

“Bin?” Chan called out, almost desperate. He felt his heart break as Changbin began to tell him the heartrending words that Y/n cried out the other day. “I don’t know how she feels right now, but ever since she has told me those words. I’ve been scared that she would just disappear out of my life, that I would receive a call from some guy who has to tell me over the phone that they had found her body-“ “Bin stop, we’re going to find her. We’ll find her for sure. We need to rest right now and think clearly to look for her-“ Chan muttered desperately hoping that it wouldn’t become their reality. “She’s sick of life. She always had been. We don’t know where she is, what is going on in her mind and what she could do to herself-“ “Changbin I said stop!” Chan yelled out.

Only his friend’s sobs were heard as the silence was killing them. They needed an answer, a sign of where she could be. “Changbin, we haven’t eaten all day. C’mon.” Chan whispered as he dragged his broken friend with him. Chan brought his friend to the convenience store he always visited with Y/n. Changbin was sadly munching on the ramyeon Chan had brought him as his friend thought back on everything, she had told him about herself, hoping that there would be something that Y/n had ever told him that could help them out to find her.

Changbin was softly sniffing as he ate, also blaming the heat of the ramyeon for firing up his mouth. Chan was wondering in the meantime where his beloved Y/n could be. The two would be talking for thirty minutes before they got an idea of where she could be at. They had been talking about the stories she had told them. About her life back in Busan. And that’s when it hit Chan. “Busan!” He shouted out, scaring Changbin and the poor lady of the store. “What are you talking about?” Changbin choked out as he caught his breath. “Busan! Y/n is from Busan! She could be there right now!” Chan stood up feeling a sense of victory. “You’re right! And the beach house!” Changbin yelled as well, not able to form a proper sentence. “We have to catch the train right now-“ “We’ll have to wait in the morning. There are no trains riding right now.” Changbin sighed. “Fine.” Chan said before sighing.

“Want to go to my place and make a plan for tomorrow?” “Sure we can pick up sleep in the train anyway.” Chan responded before they hurried to Changbin’s place to prepare themselves for the sequel on the search of Y/n.

Chan was out on the streets. A bottle of soju in his hand as he stumbled his way. People were giving him weird looks as he slurred and moved passed them. Chan dropped on his knees when he ended up at the park. He remembered being punched by Y/n’s father and laying for a long time in pain in the middle of this same park.

“Where are you!” Chan screamed whilst sobbing. He felt lost and heartbroken. He missed her and he wanted nothing more than to have her back.

“I love you so much! I don’t want to lose you! You can’t leave me like this! I love you too much for that!” He cried out. “I need you here! I know I scared you! That I disappointed you! But please just return to me! I’m losing my fucking sanity without you!” Chan screamed. “I love you so much! You’re like the air I breath! You’re everything I need!”

“Channie? Is that you?” He looked around to look who the familiar voice was from. He had a spark of hope to think that it could be Y/n, but unfortunately it was Sooyun who looked at him confused. “What are you doing outside this late? Are you drunk? Come with me, I’ll take care of you-“ “No! You ruined my fucking life! You have been for all these years, trying to suck up to my parents and thinking to make them love you will make me love you! Well let me break it to you! It didn’t work! I don’t love you! I hate you! You ruined everything for me! Just get away!” Chan yells at her, snatching his wrist from her grip.

“Chan you don’t know what you’re saying, you’re intoxicated.” She stuttered as she tried to drag him with her again. “No! Just piss off already! You’re always in my face! Always clinging onto me! I’m not going to lie, at first, I didn’t give a shit, but ever since Y/n has been back in my life you’re annoying the shit out of me. Also haven’t you heard about the phrase: ‘Drunk words are sober thoughts’? You might want to think about that one.” Chan snarled before he started moving away from her again.

“Chan you don’t mean that.” She said, feeling hurt and angered that her plan didn’t work. “Yes I fucking do! If you weren’t in my life, maybe my parent’s would’ve liked her from the start the way I do! You ruin everything. Just get out of my face, I can’t bear to see you right now.” Chan mumbled before he somehow ended up back at Changbin’s place.

Changbin who was sound asleep on his bed, was awakened by Chan’s stumbling and him knocking over multiple things as he tried to make his way to his friend. “Chan? What are you doing- dude you reek alcohol. Where did you go?” Changbin asks Chan as he brought him to their spare room. “I was outside.” Chan whispered. “We looked everywhere, we’re going to find her. I promise.” Changbin mutters as he sat next to his friend. He watched Chan burst into tears as he hugged the closest pillow to him tightly.

“I love her so much, I miss her. I’m so worried. She could be everywhere. What if something happened to her? What if her father escaped again and went out to get her?” Chan sobbed as his breath hitches. “We’ll find her, we will. Let’s just hope that she’s safe. She’s a strong young woman, she fights her way through her battles, I think she can live without us for a couple more days.” Changbin assured his friend.

Chan looked up from his laying position and gave Changbin a heartbroken smile. “I love her so much, my heart is aching so badly. I can’t help but remember the way she smiles at my flustered states. I can’t hide my feelings for her. I never was too good at that. Especially when I started to like her. I’m not going to lie to you, hating her at first was easy. I didn’t feel anything towards her, I honestly didn’t care. But spending so much time with her made me see how great of a person she is. And I’m so glad that I met her, without her I still would’ve been that spoiled boy who has to depend on his parent’s plan that they have dotted out for him.” Chan chuckled sarcastically.

“I remember her bright eyes when I brought her on a trip to a festival. She absolutely loved it, I risked an important game. She didn’t know, she doesn’t have to, but I would do anything for her Bin. I would search the entire world if I have to. I just want her back.” He sighed. “Well, let’s hope that she’s in Busan, we don’t have the kind of money to fly all over.” Bin chuckled, making his drunk friend laugh as well.

“Just get some sleep buddy, we have some long days ahead of us.” “Thank you, Bin.” “No thank you. You did well, looking out for her, I can’t thank you enough for that. Now go to sleep or else I will make you.” Bin threatened in a friendly way before leaving Chan alone in the room.

Chan looked up from his pillow and noticed the picture frame on the nightstand. He felt a tear escape from his eye when he realised that he was in Y/n’s room. He saw the outfit he got her on the day of their festival trip hanging neatly on a decorative mannequin. He saw more pictures come into his vision as he looked around. She had printed them all out and edited like a polaroid picture.

“I miss you, please be in Busan.” He cried out softly, before he fell into a slumber.

The two were sitting in the first train to Busan, two day later after searching through Seoul. They had to convince their parents to go, which they were worried for since they wanted the police to handle this. But the pair couldn’t wait for a process that long, they needed to find her right now.

As they made their way to Busan, Changbin made a terrible movie reference, receiving a slap on the back of his head by Chan before they continued their agonizing ride to the other side of the country.

The two had planned out to search through the entire city. They were hopeful to find her. Even though it would take days, weeks even. They weren’t even sure if she was in Busan. Chan rubbed his eyes, they still felt puffy from all the crying he had done the past few days, Changbin made sure to bring spare water bottles, so he wouldn’t come to the unexpected of Chan suddenly fainting from dehydration. “Did you hear anything from her?” Chan asked softly, Changbin sighed and shook his head, making Chan sigh likewise.

“Bin?” Chan begins later on again. “Yeah?” He responded, not looking up to his friend. “Is there something that could scare Y/n off?” Chan asked carefully. “What? Why are you asking?” “N-nothing, just because.” Chan stuttered before shooting his face away from Bin.

“Did you confess?” “How- How did you-“ Chan stuttered in shock and quickly hid his face soon after. “So you did.” Changbin said in amusement as he smirked at his friend, which quickly dropped when he saw that Chan was about to cry again. “What’s wrong?” “She ran away…” Chan told his friend what had happened that day at the hospital.

Changbin sat back and listened carefully to his friend. “Let me tell you something about Y/n, maybe I should’ve told you this earlier. Since I could also have guessed your feelings and know about them since we literally had a fist fight about it.” Changbin began as he chuckled. “Y/n is someone who doesn’t trust people. I feel special and blessed that she had chosen me to entrust her with her story and her safety. It took her a good two years to tell me the entire story about her life, if it wasn’t unfortunately for me to find her as well knocked out in her house, because of her father. I would’ve never known.” Changbin sighed.

“I honestly found it a wonder that she liked, or well ‘approved’ of Hyunjin immediately. He has that effect on people, I guess. But you as well then, since you hit it off with her.” “Well, not exactly, I was a twat to her for a big part of her life.” Chan muttered. “Now is the time to set it all right.” Changbin said, cheering on for his friend.

Chan looked at his friend as the ride continued, there was one question on his mind he couldn’t help asking. “Did you ever had feelings for her?” Chan blurted out, feeling the weight drop from his shoulders. “Yes.” Changbin simply said. Chan felt a slight stinging feeling in his chest, but he quickly brushed it off.

“Years ago, when we just started out as friends, I was quite confused about my feelings towards her. She was almost as beautiful as she is right now, but due to her mixed signals and her mysteriousness, I couldn’t find something to grip on.” Changbin explained.

“As I was unsure about my feelings for her back then, I’m sure right now that you two are meant to be.” Changbin added, making Chan look at him with confusion spread over his face. “Wait what?” “I’ve seen her having a crush before, this is different. I can assure you that. She’s just scared. She’s scared that the ones who she loves will walk out of her life. She’s scared that she will end up hurt again or that she will be used. She’s honestly very insecure for someone who looks like you wouldn’t want to fuck with her. But that just proves that looks don’t say anything.”

“You know I would ever intentionally hurt her again, right?” Chan asked soft-spoken. “I know you wouldn’t, you’re my best friend. You’re a little too much of a softie for that. I mean, have you seen yourself gushing over Y/n?” Bin teased, making his friend turn red in embarrassment.

The two were glad when they finally had arrived in Busan. They didn’t plan the trip as well as they wanted to. It was now ten o’clock in the morning, they had food, money and two extra shirts with them in their backpacks. “We should’ve planned better.” They would sigh as they walked around the beautiful city. “It’s a shame that we’re here for this reason, or else we could’ve explored.” Bin pouted as they moved to the next possible location of where Y/n could’ve been.

After searching all day, they were starving, they were exhausted and the panic plus stress was getting to them again. “What if-“ “Chan, we talked about this! We will find her!” “But what if we don’t?” Chan yelled out after they had searched everywhere on the last beach as well. The sun was beginning to set and the two were lost and in despair.

They had asked so many people if they had seen her around, but no one seemed to recognise her. An elderly lady send the two to the beach they were currently at. She told them that she had seen her around her, but to their unfortune the lady seemed to be a little confused herself, but they had nothing to lose.

Now after hours of scanning the beach, they felt like they were being fooled by the lady.

Chan had plopped down in the sand and ran his hands through his hair in utter frustration and exhaustion.

The two sat in silence as they enjoyed the sunset together. It soon was dark and the woods besides them was kind of creeping them out. Chan was about to suggest to get moving to a hotel, when he suddenly saw a light flickering in the woods. Chan was called after Changbin as he made his way towards the light, receiving calls from Changbin that he was crazy and that he was wishing himself a death wish.

“The lady said she was here on the beach-“ “This is the beach Chan! We should be careful-“ Changbin couldn’t even finish his sentence as Chan had already made his way past the trees. Changbin hesitated to follow his friend, but did it anyway. Someone had to look out for his crazy ass.

“Chan!” Changbin yelled when he almost lost track of him, suddenly a bright light blinded him and made Bin bump into his friend. He saw Chan looking shocked and Bin quickly followed to where he was looking at. There she was, sitting close to a campfire, cuddle up with a cushion in her lap and an unfamiliar boy sitting next to her.

Chan wanted to storm up to her in anger, but he was just relieved that she was safe in the first place. “Chan?” He heard her say, his heart immediately sped up rapidly from hearing her voice again. She looked at the two in shock and exclaimed out Bin’s name as well as she got up from her seat. Her friend looked back and was shocked as well.

Chan didn’t know what came over him, but her ran. He ran to her and brought her into his arms as he twirled her around, away from the fire of course, since he didn’t wanted to hurt her. Y/n was still in a state of shock as Chan held onto her tight. Once she had a whiff of his cologne, she felt all her feelings come back. She felt her shoulder getting wet and Chan shaking as he sobbed in her arms. She comforted him as she hugged him back.

Changbin missed his friend as well of course and went to join the two. “How did you find me?” She asked them. “We searched all over Seoul and Busan. Until this elderly lady across the beach told us that she had seen you here on the beach, but this is in the woods thought. We already felt like she was confused.” Changbin chuckled. “She wasn’t completely wrong though, look.” She said as she pointed out the path that lead to the private beach that belonged to the cabin.

“Sit down! You must be tired! I’ll go and get some more pillows, blankets and towels!” Y/n said before she rushed back into the cabin. Chan was still a bit shaken up, the tiredness had also gotten to him. His eyes felt heavy, but so did his heart as he sat besides Y/n, her unknown friend on the other side of her. “Guys this is Jeongin. Innie, this is Changbin and Chan.”

Chan felt himself relax and sighed in relief. “Hi, nice to finally meet you. I heard great things about you.” Jeongin said politely as he bowed to his ‘elders’.

The four of them would sit around the campfire together. “I can’t take this anymore. Y/n, why the fuck did you go?” Changbin cried out, spilling a bit of his soda as he frustratingly. “I’m sorry.” She would mutter before explaining her sudden disappearing.

She didn’t mention Chan’s love confession and told the story about how she needed to clear her mind. She had called up Jeongin to see if the cabin was free, she was in need of an old friend and that’s when her Busan friend jumped in. She told her friends that she just needed to be in a different environment. Chan felt like that was absolute bullshit, but he didn’t wanted to cause a scene.

The four enjoyed the rest of the night, before Changbin was getting tired and wanted to log out. Jeongin showed him where he could sleep, leaving Chan and Y/n alone. “You know, we almost reported you missing.” Chan joked softly, trying to cut the awkward tension. He noticed her stiff state and that she couldn’t look him in the eyes. “I-It’s getting quite cold, I think I’m going-“ She had gotten back on her feet and was ready to go, but Chan had quickly stopped her by wrapping his hand around her wrist. “Please stay.” He whispered. “I…” “I travelled across the country to find you, please.” He added softly. She had no other choice but to stay. He had done all of this for her after all.

She didn’t dare to sit back next to him, so Chan got up and took the courage to stand next to her. He grabbed her hand and dragged her behind her towards the beach. Y/n was stunned at Chan’s bluntness, but she loved it anyway. He was openly staring at her, she felt shy and turned away from him. “No, let me look at you. I haven’t seen you in weeks, let me enjoy the view.” He flirted with confidence. “How is your head?” She asked, softly touching his hair and the scar that was left on his face. “Tired.” He muttered as he leaned into her touch. “How come-“ “You’ve been running through my mind all day, weeks even.” He smirked, making her scoff and slap his arm playfully.

Y/n missed the flirting with Chan, she missed his touch and his presence in general. She was flustered, but also scared. “D-don’t say that… Don’t say what you don’t mean.” She whispered again. Chan looked at her with loving eyes. She was still standing closely to him as he moved even closer to her.

He grabbed her by her waist and pulled her body against his. One hand travelled from her waist up to her chin and made her look at him. She felt her heart race and Chan hoped that she couldn’t feel his skipping beats because of her. He stared down at her lips as he bit his own softly.

“May I?” He asked softly. She nodded her head in consent before Chan softly grabbed her face and slowly leaned in to kiss her.

He pulled back and he couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down. “I love you so much, you broke my heart when you ran away. You have no idea what effect you have on me. I felt like I was going insane without you.” Chan confessed as he cried into her shoulder. He felt her start to cry as well and she pulled away from him to hold his face in her hands.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble. I do have feelings for you. I love being around you. I’m just so fucking scared. I don’t want you to walk out of my life. I’m too selfish for that. I want you by my side.” “Then why did you run away?” “I didn’t know what to do. I was too scared to confess and- I don’t know. I’m sorry.” She cried out, before being pulled into Chan’s chest. “It’s okay, I got you now. And don’t you dare to ever think that I’m ever letting you go.” Chan whispered as he pressed kisses on her cheek to cheer her up.

“You by the way understand that I do have feelings for you, right?” She asked carefully, making him laugh. “I do, you do understand by the way that I do have feelings for you too, right?” He shot back, making her hide back into his chest. “I know my parents haven’t made it easy for you and that I basically did everything in my entire life to please them, but for the first time in my life. I know for myself what I want. I want you Y/n. You’re all I need.” Y/n broke down in tears at his sweet words and begged him to not break her. “I would never sunshine.” He caressed her cheek and wiped away her tears.

“Moonlight?” “Yes?” Chan whispered back. “Kiss me?” “Gladly.” He smirked before connecting his lips back to hers.

When they pulled away, they heard Changbin cheer in the background, causing the two to become embarrassed and try to hide themselves from the other two boys, who probably just saw the whole scene happening. Jeongin was laughing in the background as Changbin kept teasing and joking about them ‘growing up so fast’. Chan would look at Y/n and shoot her a smirk, before she could say anything, he had picked her up and thrown her over his shoulder as he ran with her over the beach. They would end up falling in the sand and cuddle together.

Happy that they were reunited again.

The following morning Y/n asked the boys what would be next. Changbin said that he ha already hired people to do research on her case, because something smelled fishy. There just wasn’t something right and he was sure and determined to find out what it was and to set it right. “I hired detectives to find out what really is going on.” “What you hired Felix again?” Y/n joked, making Changbin laugh. “No, I hired some actual people who can do this, because I feel like someone has purposely set you up.” Changbin stated. “You think so?” “I almost know so, if I have the evidence, we can inform the police and clear your name. We know you haven’t done anything wrong.”

The ride home was long and exhausting. When they arrived back home Changbin’s parents were glad to see Y/n again and she cried her apologies out to them, for making them worried and causing chaos. His mother would be sweet as usual and told her that it was fine and that she was just glad that she was safe and back home.

At school, people were shocked to see her. Especially since she was holding hands with Chan as they made their ways through the school hallways. Public display of affection wasn’t exactly allowed at school, but they did it anyway. The two were used to the name calling that people continued to shout at her. Chan would now be glued to her side, whispering comforting words to her as he led her somewhere. “I have something that you need to see.” He had said. “What is it?” “Bin had a clue on the you-know-what-case.” He had muttered as they continued to rush to where it seemed to be calmer.

Y/n was shocked to see a police officer guarding a door. She began to panic, but Chan was quick to calm her down and inform her that they weren’t there for her. The officer bowed politely before opening the door, to reveal a familiar man. Y/n’s breath hitched and she wanted to do nothing more but run away as soon as she saw her father. Chan held onto her hand and told her that it would be alright. “What is he doing here?” She asked him as she shook in panic. “Here’s here to clear up things, I’ll be right by your side.” He whispered before pressing a kiss on the side of her head.

Y/n made eye-contact with her father and saw the sadness in his eyes. He felt heartbroken that his own flesh and blood was terrified of him. He deserved it, he knew that. But the truth still hurts. “Let’s get this trough once more mister y/l/n. Everything that you say can and will be held against you in trial. Remember y/l/n you’re being recorded.” Y/n looked around and noticed the hidden cameras. “What’s going on, dad?” She asked him carefully. “I came here to clean your name baby-“

“Don’t.” Y/n interrupted, making her dad nod who understood. “Sorry, Y/n. I came here to clean your name. You done nothing wrong, I know that. I’m the blame for everything. I am a terrible father and I hate myself even more for making my one and only daughter scared for her father.” He cried out as he wiped his eyes with his hands, which were cuffed together. Another officer had a tight grip on Y/n’s father so he couldn’t possibly run away, he was shocked when her father dropped onto his knees as he cried out for forgiveness to his daughter.

“I am terribly sorry, there aren’t enough words in the universe to express the guilt and sorry I feel. You deserve a better father, a better childhood, which is something that I have ruined for you. I cannot blame you or your mother for my actions. There is no excuse. But I want to get better Y/n, I really do. I want to be loving and patient like you are with me, I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but if you could find it in our heart to please consider it, I would be forever thankful.” He sobbed.

“You gave me chances after every time I fucked up, and I messed up a lot. Too many to count. I am so sorry. I know words don’t mean anything. And that I don’t deserve it, but you’re all I have. I promise that I will get better, that I will transform myself into a new father and role model you could be proud of.”

Y/n was touched by her father’s words. She saw that he looked sober, something she hadn’t seen in years. He looked better and she knew his words were sincere. She could feel the emotion pouring out. And she couldn’t help herself but let go of Chan’s hand and run to her dad to hug him. He was surprised by her actions and leaned into her touch. “Please get better.” She begged as she hugged him tight. “I will, I promise I will, thank you! I will make it right and I will set things straight right here, right now.” She shot him a confused look as her dad moved forward to where one of the cameras were.

“Hello to whoever is watching this and whoever is aware of the current rumour that has been going on with my daughter Y/n. I came here to explain the real story and to clear the name of my daughter. You see, my daughter is a great person. She’s loving and forgiving and truly believes in the meaning of second chances, even if someone isn’t worthy. Nor has she ever laid a finger on me. I am the monster who has abused his sweet daughter because he was too selfish and completely drowned in misery because of his own past mistakes. I used to blame it all on her, but I just want to tell you all that this isn’t true. Y/n is not at fault, I am.” He explained calmly but emotionally.

“The story had been hatefully reversed by a false source. I also want to apologise to the young man who has been taking well care of my daughter when I couldn’t. I want to thank him as well for saving her when I was almost the one who had ended her life. I’m terribly sorry son, for my unspeakable behaviour. I was the one who hurt you and I promise that I will pay for my own actions. I shall return to my rehabilitation and reflect deeply on my actions and work on myself to become a better person.” He bowed deeply to the camera to show his sincerity and then bowed deeply to Chan who was back to Y/n’s side.

An officer would be having the word in front of the camera about the current charges against Y/n’s father and the current case that was still on-going. Another officer came up to Chan and asked if he wanted to take charges against the man who had put him in a hospital bed. He would take a look at her father’s broken state and would tell the officer no. Her father would drop down to his knees once again and humbly thank Chan for his kindness. “You are a true blessing to my daughter. I am terribly sorry for my actions and that I’ve caused you pain and injuries. I was intoxicated and raged at the fact that my daughter was happy and moving on with her life, whilst I was still stuck in a place of grief and despair. I was jealous and I wanted to end it all. I’m so sorry.” He cried out to the pair.

Her father would be helped back on his feet before he was escorted away. Y/n ran after him and quickly hugged him from behind. “I will see you soon dad.” She muttered, causing a smile to from on her father’s face. “You’re too good for this world Y/n.” He managed to whisper in joy before he was to continue walking.

People in the hallways had their eyes fixed on Y/n and the entire scene that was happening. Especially since everything seemed to be happening live, and not only in real life, but on a livestream where everything was to be seen. No cuts, no edits, the raw material. The pair would attract a lot of attention, even more than they did before. All eyes were on them and the eyes of the entire country seemed to be. An officer came to Y/n to do a quick interview about the case.

“Do you perhaps have an idea on who the perpetrator could be?” He asked her. “I don’t.” She answered honestly. “I might.” Chan said interrupting them. The officer was about to ask him who he suspected, but then he heard through the walkie-talkie that they had already found the perpetrator. Y/n and Chan shared a look, especially when the officer informed them that she was at their school. “She?” They exclaimed in unison.

They heard a familiar voice screaming and yelling, causing a big scene as she was escorted from her classroom by two officers. She was kicking the officers and biting them to try and escape from their strong grip. Everyone’s eyes would now be on her, they saw the insanity in her eyes as she was held against her own will. They all turned on her just like that when they realised that she was the cause of this entire drama.

Sooyun sooner enough would lock eyes with Y/n and Chan.

“This is all your fault you little bitch! If you could’ve just fucking died that day, he could’ve been mine! You ruined everything! Everything would’ve been perfect if you just fucking disappeared! I should’ve left you in a fucking ditch and let you rot there! You will never love him the way I do! You could never- let me go! I’m not finished with you yet!” Sooyun shrieked as the officers continued to escort her away from the pair.

The psychotic look in Sooyun’s eyes were horrifying and it scared the two. They felt bad that it had to come to this with Sooyun, but it was for the best and everyone’s safety. The principal had send Chan and Y/n home, the day might’ve been a little more intense than they intended it to be. The principal was glad that they could work things out and clear Y/n’s name.

And since Y/n was now assigned to live at Chan’s place she would be heading to his apartment. They would perform their daily check on Chan’s head, to see if the scars were healing well. Chan would be smiling at her like the weirdo he is, making her look at him in confusion. He would squish her face into his hands and peck kisses on her involuntary pouted lips. “Oh, I see the two of you are busy.” Chan’s mother chuckled as she walked right into the scene, causing Chan to be pushed away from Y/n. “Wow, rude.” He jokes, making Y/n blush in embarrassment. “It’s fine.” His mother laughed at the flustered couple.

Chan laughed at first, but then realised the words that came from his mother’s mouth. “W-wait, you approve?” Was all he could say. “I approve of a young woman who dares to speak her mind against the overprotective mother that I am. She has shown me that she truly loves you through her heartbroken tears. So yes, I approve.” She smiled. Y/n in the meantime was frozen at her words. Shocked first of all that she approved of their love and lastly that she used the term ‘love’.

Chan was also in a shocked state, especially when Y/n hadn’t said the L-word to him yet. The young man would slowly turn to his significant other as a sudden flashback would flash in front of his eyes.

‘…Chan helped me through a lot of them. And I love him for that, more that you could ever know.’ She had said back then.

Chan gasped dramatically and pointed at her in shock. She would shoot into her flustered state and tried to make him shut up, because she could already feel the years of on-going teasing coming for this. “Hehe, you love me.” He sang as he cooed and tried to kiss her. “Yeah, I love you. What are you going to do about it Moonlight?” She said with a smirk. In the meantime Chan’s mother had already left the room, shaking her head in amusement as she did so.

He pressed his lips against hers as they pulled their bodies close to one another’s, They were finally together, after all the hatred feelings, all the hardships they went through. She helped him grow to become an individual person, someone who can stand divided from his parent’s guidance. He helped her grow to trust people and show her what it was like to love again.

They showed each other that the world wasn’t a picture-perfect place, that there were things happening behind closed doors that were sometimes hidden by the mask a person could wear.

She represented life to him: Even though it gets hard, she still stands up and keeps going. She showed the world and people kindness even though they can’t do anything but tear her down. She justified herself when she was treated unfairly and she fought whenever she was attacked, yet she learned how to keep quite wisely whenever she needed to.

He loved her for showing him realness, for showing him the real world and the real her. He loved her for not judging him purely based on appearance, like he did before. She showed him love in many ways, through acts of kindness and words of encouragements.

He couldn’t be happier to be able to feel the warmth inside of him, the love that just filled his entire body.

And that all, because of her. She was his sun, his sunshine, his world almost. And he needed her more than air.

The end.

Gif isn’t mine.

88 notes · View notes

birbleafs · 4 years

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[fic] It’s A Matter Of (In)Convenience

Series: Saiki Kusuo no Ψ-nan || The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. Rating: T Genre: Humour, Breaking The Fourth Wall Character(s): Saiki Kusuo, Aiura Mikoto, Toritsuka Reita, Kaidou Shun, Kuboyasu Aren, Nendou Riki, Yumehara Chiyo, Teruhashi Kokomi Warnings: None, save for canon-typical shenanigans Summary: Saiki Kusuo’s plan for a quiet Sunday spent shopping for desserts in an ordinary konbini is thrown into disarray when he runs into several… inconveniences, much to his dismay. A/N: I've been re-reading/re-watching Saiki K. during this quarantine period and I haven't laughed this hard since I was into Gintama. This series has given me so much ridiculous joy, it’s great for helping keep anxiety and existential despair at bay lol. Fic can also be read on AO3

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Saiki Kusuo could not say he dislikes commuting by public train but he’s not particularly a fan of it either. After all, it’s exceedingly more troublesome and vexing for someone like him, encumbered with psychic abilities beyond human comprehension. He’s unable to switch off his telepathy at will, so it’s no small feat being stuck in a packed cabin and trying to filter out the cacophonous thoughts of fifty-odd passengers buzzing incessantly in his mind throughout the long ride to the next town. Distance isn’t an issue today, however. Not that it had ever been an issue, mind you—he could teleport to almost any location he so wished. But Kusuo had long since mastered inconspicuousness into an art form, and teleporting to his destination and appearing seemingly out of thin air in the middle of a packed convenience store was sure to draw unwanted attention to himself. No, it’s not worth the risk, even for such a coveted goal at the end of his journey. Besides, Kusuo is a man of principle, one who does not easily succumb to using his powers for self-interest. He will do this the ordinary, pedestrian way.

In any case, travelling out of Hidariwakibara-chō to neighbouring Tonari Machi on a random Sunday morning would also mean the chances of him running into certain... inconveniences are very nearly zero. Forty-five minutes and twelve stops later, Kusuo beams in quiet triumph as he walks past the automatic sliding doors and into the aforementioned convenience store, barely registering the musical jiggle over the speakers. He steps through the sparse crowd, pausing midway through the snack and desserts aisle when he finally catches sight of the neat row of orange boxes with silver trimmings on the top shelf. Kusuo allows himself a tiny grin as he reaches for a box, eyes bright with anticipation as he gazes upon its wondrous contents—three cups of chocolate brownie and cherry parfait, infused with coffee jelly and topped with dollops of luscious cream and cinnamon sprinkles. A simple but unmatched delicacy right here in this nondescript konbini, he thinks, savouring the glorious moment a little longer. Still, as fate would have it, he would be reminded in less than ten seconds that his life is but an unfortunate series of daily disasters, and his current reprieve short-lived. And it comes in the form of a young woman who had waltzed through the crowd and is now latching onto his arm with garishly pink manicured nails, her wavy blonde hair already casting a dark cloud over Kusuo’s face. Aiura Mikoto, resident soothsayer and trendsetter gal. Inconvenience No. 1. Ah. So it begins. “Wassup, Kusuo!” Aiura chirps a little too brightly. Already two or three mob characters in the konbini are throwing scandalized looks their way, but to Aiura they’re nothing but background scenery and lazily drawn silhouettes. “Who woulda thunk we’d meet here like this? It must totes be our destiny as soul mates, fer sure!” Isn’t it more because someone is totes a stalker? Kusuo deadpans telepathically her way, even as he makes no real attempt to avoid Aiura’s smothering embrace. Instead, he fixes her with a stare as blank as stone canvas. This is an invasion of privacy. Also, what’s with the meta observation in the previous paragraph? Stop messing with the readers like that. “Man, you sure are a ray of sunshine sometimes,” Aiura pouts, before she breaks into a giggle and relents. She unlatches herself from him, putting some distance between them. “Anyway, can’t your BFF like, just accidentally bump into you while shopping for the same box of snacks you no doubt travelled all the way out here for?” So you admit you really are a stalker then, Kusuo counters drily, only to frown again at the sudden creeping presence of another aura. He feels the weight of another arm draping carelessly over his shoulder, followed by the brusque yapping of an over-eager and desperate hot-blooded young male in his ears. “Yooo, Saiki-san! What a coincidence!” Toritsuka Reita, the spirit medium and an exemplary specimen of the most depraved life-form, the lecherous scum. Also known as Inconvenience No. 2. Saiki Kusuo, a man most unfortunate, lets out a weary sigh. “I see you’ve got that accusatory glare painted all over your face.” Toritsuka wags an annoying finger before Kusuo. “Now, now. Before you also accuse me of stalking, Mister Doom and Gloom, let me just say that I’m only here for one thing.” He flicks a furtive glance towards a discreet corner of the magazine section. The shelves are filled with magazines wrapped in plastic, large R-18 stickers plastered across the covers and over the spines much like indecent warning signs. Toritsuka dabs towards the third shelf, waving a mini poster at both Kusuo and Aiura, and this sentence then abruptly proceeds to describe the close-up of said poster—a particularly titillating centre spread featuring a curvaceous model’s skimpily clad... assets. “Surely there’s no better reason to be here now than for the special compilation of EROmag’s Greatest Upskirts And Panty-shots Of The Month!” Toritsuka exclaims, echoing the thoughts of all resident perverts. “Ugh, grody to the max,” Aiura says, lips curled in utter revulsion. For once, the stars are aligned and Kusuo finds himself wholeheartedly agreeing with her sentiment. Before he can get a retort in edgewise however, he’s unceremoniously tugged closer into Toritsuka’s one-armed embrace, who then proceeds to thump a hand over Kusuo’s chest in a grand show of obnoxious male posturing and solidarity. “You women will never understand,” Toritsuka counters with an ingratiating smirk. “But Saiki-san and I, we’re bosom buddies, connoisseurs of refined aesthetics. Together, we’ll finally gaze upon those heavenly lace panti—A-ACKK!!” He hacks up a lung just as Kusuo nonchalantly drives a sharp elbow right into his solar plexus, causing him to stagger backwards onto the floor. Bosom buddies? Kusuo echoes ominously, glaring daggers at the pathetic writhing form before him. Pretty sure that ridiculous thump you just pulled is both an outrage and insult of my modesty. Hey, can I call the police? I’m calling the police. Aiura nods at that, lips curved into a Cheshire grin and looking extremely pleased with herself as though she’s the one to suggest calling the cops. “Delusional sleazebags should just crawl back into the garbage bin where they belong. Like the skeevy trash panda that they are, right Kusuo?” “Who are you calling delusional, huh?!” Toritsuka snaps, jumping back to his feet. “I’ll have you know that Saiki-san and I have been nothing but the most loyal, the tightest of all bosom buddies—” Refer to me as your bosom buddy again and I’ll crush your windpipe, Kusuo interjects without missing a beat, and the EROmag poster in Toritsuka’s hand spontaneously combusts into flames. “Argh, not the panties!!” Toritsuka yelps, watching in despair as the poster shrivels up in the blaze, only to catch sight of the eerie, voidless depths of Kusuo’s inscrutable gaze. The spirit medium pales at the split-second reminder of his fleeting mortality, sweat dripping down his nape as he carefully backs away from the precarious jaws of death. “B-B-Bros! I-I meant that we’re the best kind of bro-some buddies, ahahaha! T-That is to say, brotherly and wholesome—R-right, Saiki-san? So don’t get all conceited just because you’ve got big knockers, Tits McGee!!” “Pfft, brotherly and wholesome? As if!” Aiura scoffs, unimpressed. “You’re about as wholesome as your d*ck aura and a college frat boy’s porno stash. Just admit you ain’t nothing but a tiresome anime trope!” “Look who’s talking, Miss Fanservice. This is a wholesome shounen series, so how about you take those bazongas back to Hooters where they belong!” “Haaah? You looking for a fight, you raunchy racoon?!” “Bring it on then!” Kusuo scowls at the petty squabbling, exasperated at how easily his quiet Sunday was already going awry, much like the metaphorical train wreck poised for a manic spiral off its rails. He decides to take his leave then from the two inconveniences bickering loudly, making his way towards the self-checkout station near the entrance. He pays for his items, stealthily packing them away with a subtle flick of his psychokinesis, and is only a few paces away from complete freedom at last when the generic musical jingle blares from the speakers overhead. “♪~Welcome to F☆mily Mart Konbini, We Guarantee 99.9% Shopping Satisfaction! It’s A Matter of Convenience~! ♪” Kusuo frowns at the jingle. Why is it only 99.9% satisfaction? And really, a matter of convenience? Not when he’d already run into two inconveniences in a row and all in a convenience store. Is God conspiring with the universe and pulling a sick prank on him right now? What a horrible sense of humour. The automatic doors at the entrance slide wide open then, and in saunter three terribly familiar faces—Kaidou Shun, Kuboyasu Aren, and Nendou Riki. Inconvenience No. 3, No. 4, and No. 5 respectively. “What did I tell you, Aren? Not only did we manage to beat traffic, but this unexpected change in my Sunday routine would’ve thrown a wrench into Dark Reunion’s plans of attempted kidnapping. Too bad I, The Jet-Black Wing, am always several steps ahead. Heh.” “Uhmm, yeah I guess… Hey, Shun, look! There isn’t a queue for the limited edition Ginta-Man figurine raffle tickets here at all. Good thing you insisted we meet at the crack of dawn—Tch, Nendou, don’t dawdle around and block the entrance like that! What’re you looking at anyway?” “Oh? I thought I saw my pal just a few seconds ago...” “Huh, Saiki’s here too-?! Oh, you mean that. Don’t be daft, Nendou, that’s just a cardboard cut-out of that kiddie hero show, Cyborg Cider-man Mark II.” Seriously?? Kusuo curses irritably as he dives inconspicuously out of sight from the passing trio, right into the bath and shampoo aisle. It’s just been a series of inconveniences one after another this morning, the metaphorical train wreck already hurtling itself past the edge of no return. Good grief, what a pain. May as well have the rest of the cast show up next— Another cheesy musical jingle, another swoosh of the sliding doors, and— “Waahh, it’s really you, Kaidou-kun!” “Hello, what a nice surprise to run into everyone here.” “Oh, hey there, Yumehara and... Offu~! T-T-Teruhashi-san?!” Saiki Kusuo, ever the suffering protagonist, drags a hand over his face. See? God hates him. Two aisles over, he can still hear Aiura and Toritsuka’s voices drifting over: “Man, I’m sick of looking at your pervy mug. C’mon, Kusuo, let’s ditch this loser—Huh, where did you run off to, Kusuo?!” “Your petty squawking has given us all an earache and must’ve driven Saiki-san off as well!” Oi, oi, Kusuo flinches inwardly, seized by a helpless fear of watching his quiet Sunday careening off the cliff and further away from his grasp. Quit yelling out my name like that and throwing me to the wolves already! Too late. At the mention of Kusuo’s name, Nendou cranes his neck 270 degrees Exorcist-style like a hideously monstrous owl and rushes over to Toritsuka’s side. “Oh! Did you just say my pal is here?!” he exclaims happily, shaking Toritsuka by the shoulders like a dog shaking an unfortunate chew toy. “I knew I’d seen him when we walked in earlier!” Not to be outdone by Nendou, Teruhashi also leaps forward before Aiura with none of her previous composure, her unblemished, porcelain visage now dusted with a hint of rose, a conflicted mix of perplexity and (envious) shock pooling in her angelic eyes. “D-Did you say ‘Saiki’?! H-Hey, Aiura-san, you did say ‘Saiki’ and not actually ‘Kusuo’, right? M-My, I must have misheard things, right? R-Right?!” “What the heck is going on? Is Saiki really here?” Anxious, Kusuo grits his teeth at the growing clamour as his friends converge from all corners of the store towards the aisle where he’d been forced to hide. Guess there’s no avoiding it after all, he frets despairingly, and in less than a nanosecond, teleports unnoticed from the konbini to an empty street outside. Kusuo sighs, relieved to have finally escaped. Minor inconveniences aside, perhaps a quiet Sunday spent savouring chocolate brownie and cherry parfait in the comfort of his home isn’t beyond his reach yet. What? Didn’t he just use his powers for self-interest to teleport out of a sticky situation? Foolish readers, that was for self-preservation and completely acceptable, of course. He holds his shopping bag close, pleased that he’d managed to avoid a disaster, and begins to walk down the street—only to freeze mid-step when he feels a sudden splitting headache jolt through him… A flash of images appears: Aiura and Toritsuka crouching in fear together, Kuboyasu bracing his bleeding arm, Kaidou screaming shrilly as he shields Yumehara and Teruhashi from a masked man brandishing a gun, Nendou digging his nose with his pinky—That’s just disgusting, no one wants to see that, stop it!! The vision finally ends, and Kusuo lifts a hand to his face, massaging his temple to clear the precognitive fog from his mind. An armed robbery, huh. He lets out another resigned sigh. Good grief—What a pain, Saiki ‘I-don’t-(but I actually really do)-care-about-my-friends’ Kusuo mutters internally in annoyance, even as he yeets himself head-first into other people’s business and right back into the convenience store to stop a future robbery. Still he smiles, eyes soft with perhaps the slightest flicker of affection for this dysfunctional bunch of people in his disastrous life. Someone has to protect them and save the day, after all.

–End–

#saiki kusuo no psi nan #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo #aiura mikoto #toritsuka reita #fanfic #too lazy to tag all the characters here #this show's over the top ridiculousness and crack is 10/10 my type of comedy #i love it lol

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reylo-love-theme · 5 years

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Specific personal reasons why Ben dying really hurt

Disclaimer: i know people have had many dif reactions to this movie and for those of you that liked it good for you. this is my personal opinion on my own blog so please don't attack or debate me in the comments just go make your own post please if you feel that. I respect you all and I'm just trying to cope.

This post is for people who are in a similar situation as me and want a place to relate or their thoughts turned into words.

1. I'm a childhood abuse victim myself and 2019 was a terrible year full of my trying to deal with my past and my cptsd and my toxic shame. I barely made it.

Ben Solo was a reminder that it's not too late to save yourself and that people you love do care for you. I literally leaned solely on reylo fanfiction during my darkest times for this aspect of hurt/comfort and redemption and recovery.

2. I had never went to watch a movie of my own free will (see number 1). Doing this was terrifying since I had to overcome so many triggers. I chose to watch TROS so that it would end my year on a happy note with a postive message of hope, love and recovery.

3. The only reason that I shipped Reylo was because I had investigated very throughly and had become certain they would get a happy ending.

I have a tendency of relying on fictional characters for the support I do not have in real life so I needed to choose who I love very carefully or else when I loose them I'm actually in terrible pain.

The worst thing was that I wasn't prepared for it. (Preparing and being nihilist had given me depression and I literally pulled myself out of that thought process for this hope of Ben living. It seemed so close to happening and I got stabbed in the stomach and left in a puddle of blood)

Now, I'm struggling really hard not to blame myself for falling for false hope again (I had made that mistake once and swore off hope for like 11 years) (even though I know that being so cynical is terrible for my health)

4.I stepped on Reylo in 2018/2019 fully and spent a whole year looking forward to this movie. It brought me so much joy and I tamped out my inner cynic that said "putting your hope in something you love will only let you down".

I told myself that even with all that has happened in 2019, making it to December and watching the movie would be symbolic for me (a way of saying "look world, I made it.")

5. The message the movie sends me is just.... I really can't. I don't understand why it couldn't be a happy ending for Ben who literally redeemed himself. For me personally, I don't consider a kiss and a smile and then death a happy ending. What does that mean for me? A person who related so heavily to this broken struggling character. Does it mean that all my pain was worth nothing in the end? That those who I love will never love me back or remember me or even care that I was abused and my trauma made me a literal walking self-defence mechanism? That the only ending the general population accepts as morally correct is for "bad" abuse victims to die?

And the message of Ben dying for someone he loves (while not a bad trope) is toxic because of the way it is shown. Even with the emoting on Rey's behalf, it's not enough to justify someone dying for that. (There just isn't enough romance or support from Rey (unlike TLJ)) It seemed like an unbalenced love (because of the way Rey just kept on rejecting him and hurting him without really trying to help (until the end where literally he sacrificed himself, would someone who loved you do that?)

And the additional message that Ben's family would help a random stranger but not the person that literally needed them and still loved them after all the abandoment he went through. My family literally turned a blind eye (or just blamed me as a weakling for reacting to it) to my abuse and that is what happens to Ben. Even at his death, not one single member of his family (Han was just a memory) was there to mourn him or even help him (Leia's disappearance thing I'm so confused on what the heck happened, why the heck did Maz smile if Ben just literally died and his mom died trying to save him.)

And no one bothered to be on his side, he literally had to redeem himself the whole way. That isn't a good message to people who need help. It's literally saying that you are the only one who can save yourself (not a bad message by itself but the strength of the message comes from the fact that others can stand by you as you save yourself not BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL OR WILL HELP YOU)

Anakin sidelineing him for Rey was just salt in the wound.

As someone who's pain was literally ignored and laughed at by the whole family, this was immensely rage inducing.

And what about rey and her character development? I also had related to her for being abandoned by her parents and left to fend for herself. She was a nobody who was strong on her own. She didn't need to be related to a strong lineage. Additonally, ending up all alone on the same kind of desert she started at is not a good message. ( I get the nostalgia thing but they could have literally used any other character, Rey wasn't a good choice for that scene) First off, she wanted to get off jakku. She wanted a family. Ben told her she wasn't alone. Next, she needed to realize that being a nobody didn't mean she was worthless ( a strong and powerful message to ordinary girls) (not find out oops i was from a loving family all along!!!) That isn't good plot when she literally spend two movies recovering from her parents abandonment (it makes it seem like ohhh they loved you and this was the only best

thing they could do!! XOXO (this is a common victim blaming trick abuse apologizers use to silence victims pain)) it would have made sense if she found this out earlier but to do this to an already developed character arc is just sucky. Her turning dark influenced by palp is not as good a message as her turning dark influenced by her past and her overcoming it anyway. For star wars, a theme has always been hope, love and redemption and I feel like the theme was picked up but not carried through in one character, instead spread throughout everyone but leaving a sense of unsatisfactory ending since no one really ended their arc. (In my opinion, you can have a different one)

6. Ben dying. That is just cruel and sadistic..there were already so many "surprise they are alive illogically!" Moments that JJ could literally have pulled one for Ben a final time and no one would have batted an eye. It would have suited the style of the movie. It was such a bad shock for me. The movie already baited my heart several times with Ben nearly dying and I cheered internally when he came back. I held out my hope till the very end of the credits and this movie just made of fool of me. I was ready to gloss over any and all flaws and buy merch if only Ben had been loved and lived.

7. The way it affected me. (Warning this might be upsetting to read so skip if you don't want to hear about mental health right now)

I was in so much shock as I stumbled out of the theater that I literallt thought I was going to be okay. I couldn't feel anything and I felt sick and empty. (That's not a reaction a star wars movie should give or any "hopeful" movie)(this is coming from someone who has watched the sacrifical death trope many times and cried (it was a good hurt))

This wasn't because there was literally no resolution or purpose to the death. It seemed like a cliche trope failure of redemption=death. But with the added on "no mourning, superfical loss". (It would have been more acceptably had it been a side character, bad writing can excuse it, but for a main half of the protagonist this is just sick)

I wandered home mechanically on Friday and then as soon as I thought back to the scene where Ben smiled and died I broke down crying. And I lost all my appetite and felt nauseous for an entire two days. I barely ate two meals during that time because I was so distraught and my mental health crashed completely back into my worse cptsd symptoms and nightmares and insomnia and waking up to panic attacks. I wasn't functioning, I kept trying to pull myself together but my only postive coping mechanism(reading reylo fanfiction) was gone. In fact I felt betrayed that my coping mechanism would actually be the cause of my pain.

I completely felt like those two days were actually traumatizing and as someone who has actually experienced traumatic events I'm using the word in a serious way. Anything can hurt you badly enough if you put enough of your heart and vulnerability into it.

Now it's Monday I'm just trying to recover enough to go outside again but I feel really tired. I'm trying to salvage my christmas and my life as a big middle finger to whoever decided that abuse and mental health could be used as convenient plot points and just discarded and laughed at.

#cptsd #reylo #tros spoilers #the rise of skywalker spoilers #the rise of skywalker #ben solo #ben solo deserved better #rey deserves better #rey #kylo ren

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katierosefun · 4 years

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dont feel bad about blabbing about your book it sounds interesting~ can we hear more if you wanna share?

aaaaaaaaaah, thank you anon!!! that means a lot, because i often feel a little self-conscious about talking about writing that,,,isn’t fic. but anyways, here’s a read more tab because just in case anyone’s not the biggest fan of reading about original stuff:

so i’ve mentioned it a few times before, but this story is mostly about a girl who’s lost her memories of her parents. there’s been a few tweaks and turns here and there to the plotline (on my fourth draft...meaning the story is wildly different from what it started out as). anyways, she’s trying to find a way to get her memories back, but that’s kinda difficult when she’s also been framed for a murder she didn’t think she committed (again, gaps in memory makes for an unreliable witness/narrator, right?). just when she thinks she’s about to be sent off to prison/get the death sentence, someone comes along to help her clear her name. little does our protagonist know that this is actually someone who’s kind of like a family member from her forgotten past.

um, that was all very disorganized, but that’s the gist of it. again, the storyline’s been tweaked a few times, because i really wanted this story to be accessible to everyone--it has its darker and grittier moments, but it’s also got a lot of softer and sweeter moments, esp. when we get into some of the other characters!

basically, this story has a lot of found family things:

there’s andrea (who’s the protagonist. her aesthetic is very much black turtlenecks + boyfriend jeans. she decides to steal a sandwich just to spite the owner of the convenience store she works in, and that’s why she thinks she’s being arrested at first. looks mean but is actually a really big softie inside who just kinda wants a hug.)

there’s galen (person from the past. his aesthetic is very much knitted scarves (that andrea’s actual parents gave him as a gift when he was like,,,16 :’)))) + cardigans. he has an ability to heal everyone except himself. literally. he can mend broken bones, bruises, all those ugly things, but he can never do it for himself because superpower logic. is a really big softie both inside and out. he met andrea when she was 8 and he was 16 at a talk andrea’s parents (professors on the origin of this kind of...superhero society for lack of better word that galen’s a part of).)

** actually, andrea and galen are my favorite because like...there’s a kind of sad story between them, but they’re wonderful. andrea, of course, doesn’t remember him, despite the fact that they’ve shared five years together. (because...more sad things.)

there’s hina (sunshine child. her aesthetic is very much long skirts + lots and lots of necklaces. she has the ability to just. look into other people’s heads, but this isn’t an ability she’s able to control, not really. she’s shut up in the society’s library as a result, because that seems to be the only place she can actually go about her day without being bombarded by everyone’s thoughts. she longs to one day actually step outside the walls of her home, but right now, she explores through books and stories from people who bother talking to her. i love her a lot because she’s the classic trope character of powerful and kind.)

** i really love andrea and hina’s dynamic too. they’re definitely just...oh the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one. there’s this one h/c incident (because....in true caroline fashion, h/c abounds) where hina helps andrea up after this not-so-good fight, and andrea (who’s like,,,half out of it), mumbles “why are you being nice i just hurt your feelings :’((” and hina’s just like “we’ll talk about this later but right now just let me help you okay” (they’re so soft. they’re so soft you guys. andrea gives up her bed for hina at one point. they’re soft.)

there’s tori (certified wine aunt/mom friend. her aesthetic is just the ever-professional suit and tie. everyone sees her wear overalls one (1) time and loses their minds because tori wears informal clothes sometimes what-- she has the ability to...take away memories, so y’all can put two-and-two together. is hypercompotent and carries a lot of guilt around with her for what she had to do. also winds up being a mentor figure because we need more female mentor figures!!!)

** i really love tori’s dynamic with everyone, i think? with andrea, she def. has this big-sister-to-slightly-younger sister banter going. (you know, the one where the younger sibling greets older sibling with “nerd” and the older sibling greets the younger sibling with “dork”. andrea grudgingly respects tori, and tori went from “andrea :((” to “andrea >:(” real quick because andrea is a little shit who loves making tori’s life difficult. but the two love each other a lot deep down. with hina, tori’s a lot softer (adsfsdf everyone’s soft with hina because hina’s. again. sunshine child). and with galen,,,let me just say that there’s a lot of complicated feelings with galen but like i’m just gonna say. lots of mutual pining and “hey i would love to actually have a romantic relationship with you but like right now both of us are kinda stuck saving the world and also your eyes are nice okay bye”

(that being said, romance kinda takes a backburner in all these relationships. i guess if there is romance, it’s all very...subtle and also very open-ended in the end of the duology, because really, i want people to realize that it’s more about the platonic love in these stories than it is the romantic. not saying romantic is any less important than platonic, but i’d like to showcase platonic love a little more. if it makes anyone feel better, i truly do think that andrea wakes up every morning next to hina feeling like the luckiest gal in the world, and tori and galen do wind up getting that romantic walk together and maybe holding hands and being absolute blushing dorks about it.)

(but really, i plan to end this series with. just the four of them. sitting on the roof of a car. stargazing. hina’s so excited to be...outside for once, and little does she know that andrea’s actually planning a cross-country roadtrip for them. tori passes everyone popcorn. andrea plays with galen’s scarf. hina winds up babbling about all these stories she’s read about aliens and stuff and whoa guys the world’s so big, and we’re so small, and and and--)

(it ends with the four of them laughing. andrea thinks, “this is my family.”)

#anon #answered #asdfasfdff #im sorry this got way too long and way out of hand #but i got excited can you tell

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mnkiss · 4 years

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A quick list of animes I watched and don’t want to forget:

Mushishi - pure, haunting beauty, 10/10 recommend especially when you want some clarity and calmness in your life. You’ll cry tho

K - the amount of tears I shed TwT I literally miss the characters. Weird af world and story, but somehow I got attached. There should be K: seven stories somewhere but I can’t find it... Also: this whole we’re a bunch of problematic people who become a family is a trope I’ll never get tired of

Tokyo Ghoul - S1 and S2 feel like one huge story and it’s just the beginning so buckle up... There are 2 OVAs (Jack and Pinto) that help with understanding Re: (S3) and then there is S4 which is apparently only the most important parts of the manga... I understand why so many people think that s4 is ridiculous, but the first 3 seasons are great. The manga is a must for the anime tho, bc the last season is a joke, so if you can, read the manga first. With that said, the censorship is terrible so if you can, watch it without the weird black and white patches that take up half the screen, because the animation, the fights, the colours are all extremely vibrant and alive, just like the characters. What being human means, why the police feel like they are doing god’s work when they kill innocents along with the psychos, what a family is, can we be selfish for others, and many more questions are discussed here, all while somebody gets gutted. S2 was much more like a filler than a normal season, but still, I cried, and the whole anime is awesome so watch it if you can. (If you get upset when humans are able to endure more than supernatural beings then it’s not your show, bc even though humans are supposed to be, you know, humans, they are still able to kill tens of ghouls with a fucking hole inside of them.)

Attack on Titan - got tired of waiting after s2... No mystery is worth more than a year of waiting lol

Black butler - I need to get around and watch the book of atlantis. Great story, Sebastian is everything and more, and the aesthetic is something I’ll never forget. The music fits perfectly, and the foods make me drool. It has the “big picture”, as well as small journeys where you can get to know your favourite characters which I appreciate. S2 was not something I enjoyed, but the book of circus was worth it as well as most ova’s.

Darker than black - THEY MUST CONTINUE IT BRING HEI BACK PLEASE PLEASE I CAN’T I JUST CAN’T - also s2′s opening makes me cry. Dolls and Contractors work together as a team, then alone, then again as a team... it was a wild ride. Awesome character development, great plot and world building. Sadly they cut their story and future at s2 for some reason... If I ever watch it again I watch Gaiden before Gemini tho - a lot less confusion and disappointment this way.

Bungou Stray Dogs - loving it with my whole heart can’t wait to watch it again because there is literally NO character I don’t love. It has pretty boys, crime, mystery, magical abilities and comedy alongside the surprisingly deep issues. The art style is otherworldly, everything is so PRETTY and CAPTURING ugh *-*. It also made me read lots of books again (especially Japanese literature which was new for me) ^^ (Who doesn’t ship Dazai and Chuuya... And Poe is a baby too)

Noragami - cute, very cute, I love it when the main character is powerful af yet has a silly, loving side. Also: you can learn a bit about gods and religion

Assassination Classroom - tears. all of them. tears. It’s not what I expected but still, the little assassins and the teacher’s relationship was perfect.

Another - i watched it for the dolls and the umbrella meme. Liked it? yes. Do I remember anything else tho? Not really

Parasyte - one of the first animes I’ve ever watched. Loved it. ^^ Migi was great, all the issues it brings up were thought provoking, and it has gore.

Hellsing - idk it had too many monologues and ideologies, didn’t finish it

Psycho-Pass - In short: cyberpunk future, systematic oppression, immigrants, killing with permission and other moral or societal issues, plus charismatic characters and gore. The watching order: S1, S2, Sinners of the system, S3, First inspector. Wonderful buildup, dynamic storytelling, great mystery elements, and of course the found family/teamwork will always be a favourite of mine. The writing is extra detailed, every character is 3D, their responses, beliefs and cultures are tied together perfectly, the chemistry between characters is relatable and although everybody seems to live by one goal only, it’s not as dull as one would think. It also has some great book recommendations, literature and philosophers play a big role, which is always a bonus. 10/10. I really hope we will get extra contents and S4 in the future.

Steins Gate - I can’t bring myself to watch the last 2 episodes of S1 lol. It starts slowly but it’s much better paced than I remembered. The anime heavily relies on the characters which are sadly very 2D: the haughty but loving, the cute but tragic, the clever weeb, the loving tsundere... and for some fucking reason every single girl loves the mad scientist who... doesn’t really show love or sometimes not even respect towards the others until the last half of the show, so I don’t particularly care about their fate, but I watch it bc I don’t want to leave it unfinished. Because people are so into it I thought maybe the story will be... flabbergasting, shocking or just a masterwork, but the whole time travelling thingy, all the rules, all the paralel worlds work very conveniently. There were some great twists that I loved, some that I saw coming and some that I didn’t, but the story itself isn’t the best and even the plottwists won’t help that.

Full metal alchemist - i watched many, many episodes. I liked it. But it lost me. Anyways, I looked up the story and it sounds interesting, lots of plot twists, great conspiracy theories etc. The main character was a bit... annoying. My main problem is that they were children cuz I can only get immersed in the adult characters’ stories...

Durarara!! - s1 was great I love gang and mystery stuff, BUT I stopped watching it bc I was only immersed in the adult characters’ stories...

The Ancient Magus' Bride - it’s a gory fairy tale, with two toxic but loveable characters who learn a lot, evolve a lot and become real companions. There is lots of touching, head pats and affection. <3 Seasond 2 is very much needed, I want to see more episodic journey elements like the cat kingdom episodes were, and perhaps cry just a little less. Pro tip: when you watched the first 12 eps you should watch the 3 episode ova and then the next 12 eps ;) Oh, and expect tears mostly from happiness

Devilman Crybaby - I was the crybaby. The ending is beautiful, the art style was great, it literally pulsed through my eyes sometimes. Awesome characters, weird storyline, sad ending.

Death Parade - another anime that made me cry :) Beautiful art style, immersive story, interesting take on the afterlife, moral issues. It had everything I needed,

Juni Taisen - It wasn’t the craziest or most cunning anime of all times, but I cared about the characters and I really wanted to know how it ends, so it was good i guess

Kekkai Sensen - i watched s1 and I didn’t care anymore...

BEASTARS - it was one hell of a ride. Interesting world, great conflict, highschoolers and gore... also I think there was a sudden rise in the numbers of furries while it aired. It’s art style however was too cgi-y, too smooth for me :/

Re: Zero - the main character is a little bitch i hated him but i stayed for the plot. I don’t really like love interests when one party is only loved because they look perfect... i really wish we got more seasons and explanations s2 is on the horizon, but I doubt I’ll ever watch it

Updated it see in reblog

Also in conclusion, what do i need in an anime? 1) adults 2) superpowers 3) found family 4) a brooding, powerful af main character 5) action and mystery (plus gore) 6) chemistry between characters 7) side characters that matter 8) tissues

Any recs?

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atamascolily · 4 years

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Lily liveblogs: “The Rise of Skywalker,” part three

I end as I began: hopelessly confused about what the point of all this was. (Except for money. I got that part loud and clear.)

Rey just leaves Finn behind, because... friendship, right? Jannah does not have a good opinion of Rey right now, and tbh, I can't blame her. I realize Rey is under a lot of stress, but... her behavior since arriving on this "moon of Endor" has been wayyyy out of line.

Also, Poe pulls up with the Falcon right then, so I guess they got it repaired in record time, lol. Convenient.

Meanwhile, at the Resistance Jungle Base, everyone is sad because Leia is dead. I wonder who's in charge now???

"Goodbye, dear princess." Oh, so she's a General right up until she dies, and then it's back to princess again? I wish the ST would make up its mind about her title.

Oh, I guess Poe is, since he showed up and actually has a rank??

Chewie LOSES IT at the news Leia is dead--I feel you, bud. I feel you so hard.

Kylo tries to look dignified as he broods on the wreckage, but he looks awful. Like a drowned rat, with a convenient lightsaber-shaped hole in his tunic where Rey stabbed him. (She didn't even take the saber with her or drop it into the sea or anything! WHHYYYYYYYYYYY - gimme a reason, any reason, even a stupid one.)

And then Han shows up. Is he a ghost? Is this a memory? Is Kylo hallucinating? WHAT WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING??? (This would have so much more resonance if we had SEEN how Han's death impacted Kylo earlier on instead of that one confused flashback at the beginning of the film....)

grizzled Harrison Ford looks great, why the hell did they kill him off in the first movie whyyyyyy

Okay, so they answer the question and this is a memory, which is fine, I usually love this trope, BUT it would be hella more effective if we'd seen Kylo arguing/interacting with memories of Han earlier instead of this happening for the first time NOW...

"Come home." Uhhhhhh, I honestly don't know what exactly Leia did, but she certainly kinda abetted killing him. What home does Kylo have now, anyway??

So Han says that what Leia fought for is still around, which is true, but Kylo is ostensibly the supreme leader here, so he doesn't just have to go AWOL, he can drag the FO leadership with him, and what passes for their government, he could SURRENDER and end the war right now. Does he? Of course not. He fucks off all by his lonesome after Rey and Palpatine because... that's all he knows how to do, apparently.

There's a callback that is supposed to resonate but doesn't work for me, because I just can't make myself feel for Kylo at all. Yes, redemption is hard. Yes, you have to work for it. Stop whining and just do it!!

We're supposed to think that Kylo will stab Han again (I guess?) but he turns and throws his saber into the sea. So that's why Rey didn't take it - so he could make a dramatic fucking gesture with it.

Palps is upset that Leia messed up his plans, but whatever. He orders Pryde, who apparently is now in charge of the FO in Kylo's absence, to come to Exegol. Apparently Pryde is a diehard Imperial (and possibly Sith cultist/Palpatine's secret puppet/agent??) I guess. It's never explained, he's just bad. And his name isn't subtle, either.

Palps just wants to burn everything to the ground for... evulz, I guess? I got nothing.

Pryde's star destroyer pops out a giant gun and blows up a planet.... apparently, Kijimi. Why, I don't know. Because they were just there?? Anyway, BOOM. Kijimi literally explodes.

What the actual fuck. How is that EVEN POSSIBLE?? What was the point of building two Death Stars if a Star Destroyer can do that????

Oh, apparently, that was the new model from the "Sith fleet" with a better upgrade. sounds fake, but okay. Poe is not thrilled by this news. The same Resistance member brings him the bad news, so I guess that's her official job??

Poe is genre-savvy enough to know that every ship in the Sith fleet has planet destroying weapons and they're doomed unless they stop the Final Order... which isn't new? I thought there was a countdown to an attack in 16 hours or something. What did they think they were attacking with? I don't even know, this movie is that incoherent.

Rose pops in with a message broadcasting on every channel about the "Resistance is dead. The Sith flame will burn. All worlds, surrender or die"... but given that it's in a language that isn't Basic, there's this one random dude with a beard who translates for the audience... and even though I assume it's meant to be some more commonly spoken language, given that the Sith have their own language in this movie, It makes it seem like this Random Resistance dude understands Sith and... I have questions.

Poe goes to sit by Leia's shrouded corpse because apparently they haven't buried her yet??? I wish Poe and Leia's relationship was more prominent in the movies, because I love the dynamic they're supposed to have, but never actually manifests in any of these movies.

Lando shows up to console him!

"How did you defeat an Empire with almost nothing?" "We had each other."

DAMN RIGHT YOU DID AND THE NEW GENERATION COULD TOO, IF THE WRITERS WEREN'T INTENT ON SEPARATING THEM CONSTANTLY AND MAKING EVERYBODY SUFFER....

Poe decides to make Finn his co-general. I have a lot of feels about this.

Turns out D-O knows all about Exegol because he used to belong to Ochi... that's actually earned, I'll allow it. Hilarious Rey never asked the droid about it (or any other details of his past, given that she was pretty sure Ochi killed her parents).

Ahch-To! Rey is wearing her hood and I don't know why. She's throwing driftwood into the flaming wreckage of Kylo's TIE and sobbing and... I don't know what's going on here. There are SO MANY REASONS she could be crying, I don't even know.

And she tosses her lightsaber into the sea... just like Kylo did. Parallels. I get it. And just like Luke did to her... She's giving it up because she doesn't feel worthy of being a Jedi because of her heritage, I guess?? (I'm guessing because this movie doesn't explain shit.)

Speaking of which, there's Luke's ghost, right on schedule! I love his snark but it's SO OUT OF LINE given his behavior in the last movie... and the fact that Yoda told him he had to let go of the past and let the books burn. I mean... the fuck???

Rey has this dark throne vision that's driving her, but ironically that's the one vision we don't see in this whole mess.. we have all these OTHER visions instead, I can' teven keep them all straight.

Oh, she's decided to model Luke and fuck off to Ahch-To forever because she feels she made a mistake. that's absolutely the WRONG LESSON from Luke's life, Rey!!

(also, what happened to saving the world? The sith wayfinder? She just conveniently forgot Palpatine was gonna slaughter everybody because she's having heritage angst?????)

Leia not telling Rey about Rey's heritage makes perfect sense when you realize just how much Leia's life was fucked over by the knowledge that Darth Vader was her father--once in ROTJ and again when she got kicked out of the Senate and ostracized in Bloodline.

Luke has Leia's lightsaber conveniently hidden in his hut... so now Kylo/Ben can have a weapon of his own in the upcoming fight, gag. (Really, Rey should use it to make a double-bladed saber, but she won't, sigh.)

The flashback looks like a video game to me. The CGI is not terrible, but doesn't look nearly as real as the rest of the film to me.

Also, I'm forever mad that Leia gave up her saber thinking it would save her son, that is SO AWFUL, especially since IT DIDN'T WORK, HE STILL TURNED OUT EVIL ANYWAY AND RUINED YOUR LIFE.

"A thousand generations live in you now" would have so much more resonance if Rey was an avatar of the Force or a reincarnation of Anakin instead of the metaphorical. (Yes, I know it will be realized literally later on.)

[Just realized that Kylo's obsession with Rey would make TOTAL SENSE if she were an reincarnation of Anakin given how much he idolizes his grandfather!!!]

Whyyyyy doesn't Luke talk here about the revelation that Palpatine is alive? That he and his father failed to kill the Emperor? That Rey has to finish LUKE'S journey, too??? But no, it's all about Leia here.

Rey somehow didn't notice the wayfinder in Kylo's TIE until Luke says "you have everything you need"... I guess? I don't know how she missed it before!!!

And the X-wing rises out of the water like the deus ex machina that it is... somehow still spaceworthy after six years in the ocean. Okay, then.

Apparently, Force ghost Luke can still manipulate physical objects through the Force??? Okay, I can kinda buy that, but... still....

I love how Artoo doesn't even wait for Threepio to get started with the bullshit, he just imports the uploaded memories right away without asking. Normally, I'd be mad about consent, but a) they're married, and b) he's restoring Threepio's personality, so I'm okay with it.

I love how warped and creepy the space is around Exegol.

Also, D-O looks just like a desk lamp.

Oh, so the Resistance follows Rey through Luke's X-wing computer via Artoo. Convoluted, but it works, I guess.

Okay, so time for some technobabble, but there's a navigation tower (the new shield generator) they have to hit for REASONS with a "ground team" (aka strike team). Sigh.

Love the dismissal of the "Holdo maneuver"--which is essentially kamikaze-style suicide. Not a great battle strategy if you want to survive the fight.

Wait, wasn't Poe angsting earlier about how nobody answered their call from Crait back in the last movie? What makes him think this is going to be any different?????

Okay, so all the FO folks on are on Exegol now?? Who is piloting and crewing those Star Destroyers?? Are they First Order or Final Order people? What happened to the First Order? What is the relationship between the First Order and the Final Order? Are they the same thing with two different names?? (But no, there are two fleets, the Sith destroyers are different.) What happened to the First Order then? Does anyone notice and/or care the alleged "Supreme Leader" of the First Order is missing in action??? I'M SO CONFUSED.

Okay, it makes sense that Poe is in an X-wing given he's a hotshot pilot, but he's also a general, and... I'm so confused about the tactical aspect of that, but fine, whatever. Also, Artoo is in the X-wing with him instead of BB-8, who I thought was Poe's droid (to the point of reaming Rey over injuring him earlier in the film!!!) WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE???

we're baaaaacck in the creepy sith ruins just like the beginning of the film, but so much has happened that my brain has fried and so the parallels are not as compelling as they could be.

WHEN DID THEY PICK UP JANNAH?? Has she been there the entire time and we just didn't see her until now, or did they stop back at Endor's moon along the way??? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!

Finn has " a feeling" where the ship is... it's the Force, why are you teasing us like that. LET HIM BE A JEDI.

Okay, I actually really like the fact that all the FO deserter stormtroopers from Endor are using their mounts so their enemies can use the tech against them. That's poetic justice right there. And also, epic cool. Good thing all the ships are still in the atmosphere... (nobody's wearing masks like Finn did for the Kijimi pickup)

I don't know how there is lightning in a fucking underground pyramid, but 10/10 for aesthetic, I love it.

"Grandma, it's me, Anastasia"--oh, wait, never mind.

The reveal that Rey is in a giant arena is hella creepy, even though it makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Where do all these people come from? What do they do? Where do they live? What do they EAT?? Are they born Sith? Brainwashed Sith?? Cultists? Clones??? I NEED ANSWERS HERE.

Palpatine dangling in his creepy metal arm-thing is a lot like GLADoS from Portal.

So... Palpatine can possess the person who kills him in anger??? Explains a LOT about how he treated Luke, actually. And why it was so important that Anakin finish him - one, because Anakin's body was failing, and two, because he did it for love.

Love the aesthetic of the flickering lights for added creepiness and nothing is quite real. Even if it makes no sense. My id knows what it wants, okay??

Jannah and Finn teaming up for the battle is great, BB-8 actually gets to do something for once, and I love Jannah's crossbow.

Oh, now Palps is going to monologue about Rey's parents, while telling us no interesting details whatsoever. Sigh.

HOW THE FUCK DID KYLO GET TO EXEGOL AGAIN????????????????? she left him stranded in the middle of a frikkin' OCEAN... and he just knows how to get back to Exegol without the macguffin,.... how....?

(yes, I know he's supposed to be "Ben Solo" again, but so far there has been zero explanation in the film itself, so I'm just gonna keep calling him Kylo.)

Okay, there's a TIE fighter next to the X-wing, but... where did he GET IT?????????

That "ow" is priceless. I watched that sequence twice.

(clearly Kylo has not been exploring ruins much recently.)

Finn explaining to Rose that he's going to sacrifice himself for the cause, exactly like she wouldn't let him do in the last film... and Rose goes with it. Okay, then.

Now Kylo has to fight his own boy band... who were secretly following the Emperor's orders the entire time (?) THE ENTIRE FIRST ORDER WAS LITERALLY A FRONT TO KEEP KYLO REN DISTRACTED AND KYLO TOTALLY BOUGHT IT. I... have questions, but I actually admire the sheer audacity of this.

Kylo fighting said knights would be way more emotionally engaging if we a) knew anything about them, b) had seen any interactions between Kylo and the knights earlier, and c) gave a shit, but none of those happened, so we don't.

Kylo and Rey have some sort of Force bond communication thing that is super vaguely filmed so it's hard to understand wtf is actually happening. Rey tosss her saber back and... Ben pulls it out behind his back.

what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK

I won't say that wasn't forshadowed, because it kinda-sorta was. I will just say that this movie has NEVER EXPLAINED HOW THEY CAN DO THAT or talked about it at ALL, just treats it like a fact, and I... have questions about how reality can be bent that way even if you are a Force dyad or whatnot.

So Kylo's fight with the knights parallels Rey's fight with a bunch of Imperial guards and it's so hard to care. Th timer says there's still a half an hour left, how is that possible???

So... it's okay to stab people as long as you do it with the properly colored lightsaber, I guess???

Kylo shows up, he and Rey exchange Meangingful Looks, they raise their sabers, Palps zaps them and slurps up "the lifeforce of your bond" and uses it to grow younger, whatever the hell that means ughhhhhhhh please let this be over soon.

Did he know they were a dyad before? Is THIS his real plan? I'm so confused and I have no idea wtf is going on.

RIP Snap. I guess I should care more about you, but I don't think you're mentioned in any of the other movies, so... *shrugs*

Poe has a meltdown but.... Lando shows up AGAIN to give him a pep talk, and also a fleet. Like seriously, Lando gets results, if he'd been running the Resistance, the war would be OVER by now.

Is the "Nice flying, Lando!" Older!Wedge?? I think so. I hope so, anyway.

Zorii shows up too, to fight and also insult Poe over the comm... I guess she's upset about Kijimi being destroyed? (Or maybe not given how she was so eager to get off it???)

Palps tosses Kylo into a pit, which... given that Palps survived, maybe not the best plan if you wanted to actually kill him.

Then he shoots force lightning through the hole in the arena into the sky and... zaps all the new fighters.

Well.

Okay then.

Rey wakes up and... reaches out to the spirits of past Jedi for help. (Apparently, Palpatine doesn't care about her killing him now, because he's young and healthy again, so it's okay to kill her? I guess he can always try again with another grandkid, lol.)

Also, it's funny how Rey is a Palpatine and blood is sooooo important and scary and destiny until someone's trying to diss her and then she's just "a scavenger girl". And by funny, I mean terrible. Sigh.

"I am all the Sith." I don't think the Sith, by the nature of their existence, can embody their predecessors the way that the Jedi can. I mean, to be a Sith is to be alone, and there is that whole Rule of Two business if that's still canon now. I mean, unless the Sith literally eat their masters and thus become them? But it seems a little late for THAT detail.

But it's okay because Rey's embodying all the Jedi this time (and has TWO sabers, lol) and she turns Palpatine's Force lightning back on himself and he turns into a crisp. You'd think the Sith Lords would have worked out a defense against that, since that's how Mace Windu scarred him in the first place, but okay then.

The entire arena crumbles. All the faceless cultists are crushed by falling rock. Pryde goeth before the fall. Lando rescues Finn and Jannah before Poe can. All the star destroyers are stranded because the command ship is gone and start blowing up.

Anyway, Rey collapses in the ruins. Finn senses her fall. but Kylo climbs out of the pit and cradles her in his arms. (ewww ewww ewwwwwww NOOOOOOO) and cradles her to his chest [gross gross grossssssss she's dead and can't consent and I can't decide if that makes it grosser or not, she's never let him do this while she was ALIVE fuckkkkkk]. He finally lets go and then places his hand on her stomach, and ughhhhhh I have so many issues with this I don't care if he's reformed, he's been stalking for three films, this is NOT OKAY and does the Force healing trick, and...

literally he could have just put a hand on her forehead or shoulder, which I would still hate, but would be less creepy than this.

Rey wakes up, puts her hands on his, sits up, startled and... doesn't say anything, doesn't even flinch, and smiles. "Ben."

and she kisses him. I knew this was coming. I still hate it.

he smiles, falls over, and dies. Like, literally, it's like Rey's kiss murdered him. I'm a terrible person, I know, but I really can't mourn him.

Kylo's body vanishes (Leia's stayed intact, damn it!) proving I guess that he was good after all?? I thought only special people learned the vanishing trick??? Leia's body vanishes right at the same time, and... I don't get it, I really don't.

Maz apparently skipped the final battle to watch over Leia's corpse and I.... definitely don't get it.

was Leia possessing her son this whole time? What. Just. Happened??????

Rey flies away in Luke's X-wing under her own power, and... "Red Five is in the air again," says Finn. People are rising up all over the galaxy, though against what, I'm not clear, and the skies are suddenly clear, implying that the Emperor was warping the weather with his darkness.

We see Star Destroyers blowing up behind Cloud City and on the FOREST moon of Endor with the Ewoks and I just... never knew they were there??? Were they connected to the rest of the Fleet somehow (like the Katana fleet in Legends??) Where did this come from?? Wicket and his son are clearly satisfied, though why they think anything's going to change is beyond me. And was the First Order oppressing them? Why didn't we see any of their fleet when our protagonists were IN THAT SYSTEM AND SO WAS THE OSTENSIBLE SUPREME LEADER???

Another Star Destroyer crashes on Jakku, so literally NOTHING HAS CHANGED THERE, LOL.

Back at the Resistance Jungle Base, everyone cries and hugs, Poe and Zorii have a moment that goes nowhere, Poe's arm is somehow in a sling (???) There's a very brief lesbian kiss, but it gets even less screen time than Rose Tico, so again, don't think that counts as representation, but nice try.

Maz gives Chewie Han's medal from Yavin and... where the hell did she get it??? Leia's corpse??? Creepy!!

Jannah comes up to Lando and asks him where he's from, and when Lando asks the same question, she say she doesn't know. "Let's find out." Wow, that's way more interesting than most of this movie!

Rey hugs Finn and Poe and I... just... it's the tearful hug of "wow, we've all been through a lot of trauma since we last saw each other and also I was a jerk and threw you across the sea with the Force to get you out of my way and I abandoned you without saying goodbye to isolate myself on an island in the middle of nowhere until my ghost mentor reminded me I could save the day".

ButWeDon'tHavetimetounpackThatNow.jpg

Rey takes the Falcon to the Lars' moisture farm on Tatooine with BB-8. No one is in sight. This is an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere, not a shrine to the Legend of Luke Skywalker. Rey slides down the sides on a piece of metal and into the courtyard. She wraps up Luke and Leia's sabers and... we cut to her back up on the ridge near the droid garage, using the Force to bury them in the sand.

Then she pulls out her own saber and it's yellow-bladed and looks like a double quarterstaff (although I only saw the top blade ignite). What she should have had this entire movie.

There's a random woman with an eopie there, who... came over to investigate? there is literally NO ONE ELSE FOR MILES. HOW????

The woman asks who she is, and we have callbacks to that earlier conversation on Pasaana. Rey hesitates, sees Luke and Leia's ghost on the horizon, smiling their approval and says "Rey Skywalker". The movie ends with her standing watching the double sunset... alone except for BB-8.

Wow, she's literally come full circle from being alone in the desert with a droid to being alone in a different desert with the same droid. What the fuck.

Cue triumphant music and credits.

Oh, and I just realized we never found out what was so important for Finn to tell Rey about... so that went nowhere. I assume it's "he can use the Force" but apparently that wasn't important enough to ACTUALLY INCLUDE, sigh.

Did Rey fuck off to Tatooine to be a hermit? Is she going back to her friends? Is she going to train the next generation of Jedi? How will she keep the cycle from repeating? Is it broken? Is Palpatine really dead this time??? How does she feel about Kylo/Ben?? Is HIS ghost still around stalking her, too? Why did she take the Falcon? Doesn't it belong to Chewie now? Why didn't the rest of the gang come with her???? I'm so confused.

This was even worse than I had anticipated, and I came into this with super-low expectations. This wasn’t bad in a “bad B-movie kind of way,” this was bad in the “nothing makes sense, it’s all jumbled blur, I am numb and cannot begin to care” kind of spectacle. I cannot imagine watching this in a theater. No wonder the critics savaged this.

#star wars #lily liveblogs #WHY DISNEY WHY

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goldenkamuyhunting · 5 years

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Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 230 “Ienaga Kano”

So with the new chapter we get a split in the fandom on how to nickname Tsukishima. While the Japanese fandom goes for ‘Surekill-man’ a reference to a fanassigned nicknamed for a character in the ‘Jojo no kimyō na bōken’ universe, the western fandom went for something obviously more ‘western’…

…to be honest with various variations of the nick, from purely ‘The Terminator’ from the homonymous movie to ‘The Tsukishima’ or ‘Tsukishimator’ and so on (I went with the one that would fit better in the space in the image, that and Merdopseudo liked it, my apologies to the nicks not used, you’re all cool but ‘there can be only one’).

But let’s start with the chapter and with how Tsukishima gained this nick.

We left him having been injected a sedative by Ienaga and yet still managing to shoot her to death. It’s worth to point out Ienaga’s sedatives need some time to affect people and our Tsukinator is trying to take advantage of it to make a short work of Tanigaki.

Really, we knew Tsukishima, pardon, the Tsukinator was good at hand-to-hand combat but not really how much. Tanigaki is supposedly good as well, bigger than him and not drugged and our supposedly sedated Tsukinator is literally wiping the floor with him without even breaking a sweat and Tanigaki manages only narrowly to have him miss shooting his brain off.

Luckily for Tanigaki when it looks as if the Tsukinator will get better luck with his next shoot, the sedative kickes in (with the Tsukinator’s veins becoming rather visible as if they were some sort of monster crawling on his face)

and the Tsukinator’s falls, his face flat on Tanigaki’s ample chest.

Ienaga, still alive, tells Inkarmat, who’s naively trying to stop the blood pouring out of her, about how the Tsukinator wouldn’t SUPPOSEDLY be able to move for two hours.

Tanigaki, always the righteous, gives Ienaga a look that Ienaga correctly interpret with ‘why would a selfish, evil criminal like you do something like that?’.

Tanigaki represents that sort of naïve people that divide the world in two blocks, the purely evil ones and the purely good ones and misses how actually there’s a lot of middle ground in between the two groups and purely evil and purely good hardly exist if not in fairy tales.

As Ienaga did PLENTY of terrible deeds Tanigaki doesn’t care for her motivations nor expects her to feel also positive emotions like love or care and do something good like helping them. He put her in the box of the evil people and thinks there’s no way she would get out of it and do something good.

On the contrary side he perceives himself as being among the good guys, as proved by the previous chapter in which he said he wasn’t cold blooded enough to kill a friend, Sugimoto, conveniently forgetting he wanted to do the same to Kenkichi and that he did the same to Kiro (who saved his and Inkarmat’s life by the way) and doesn’t realize the ‘greyness’ in himself, feeling free to judge negatively Ogata and Nikaido for betraying Tsurumi but thinking instead that he is entitled to do the same.

This, of course, doesn't mean Tanigaki is evil, he’s merely human and therefore flawed.

I love this side of him as a character, I love how human Tanigaki is in his own good sides and in his own bad sides but, on the other hand it clearly makes me angry when he acts like a blind hypocrite. It’s human... but it’s no good at all.

Anyway Ienaga explains her own reasons which are… very simple.

Inkarmat, who’s about to give birth, is, for Ienaga, about to become ‘perfect’. Evidently the trauma of her mother’s abort, which twisted Ienaga and turned her into a bloody murderer and cannibal, rules her life not only pushing her to do heinous acts but also in a positive way. She wants to save this pregnant woman, she wants her to attain the ‘perfection’ neither her or her mother could attain. And it’s clear Ienaga is completely content with giving up her life for this, in fact she’s smiling and telling Tanigaki to not lose this moment.

Inkarmat is touched. Tanigaki just pulls Inkarmat up and tells her to leave without even a word of thank you for the person who gave her life so that they could escape. Inkarmat’s gaze instead is still on Ienaga and since she doesn’t seem to really try to get up I wonder if this is because she feels bad for Ienaga, for leaving her behind.

Not that she can be saved.

This, mind you, doesn’t mean Ienaga is now a good person or that she gets redeemed by this single heroic act. Ienaga is a terrible person who did terrible things and who’s helping Inkarmat only because, for her own reasons, she had come to care about her.

It’s entirely possible Ienaga doesn’t regret a single terrible thing she had done in life and, had she survived, she would have continued to try to chop people and eat them for their own purposes… except Inkarmat for whom she had grown fond.

On the other side the cover of the chapter, placed here and showing Ienaga’s body, depicts the sprays of blood that came out of her as forming a halo and wings, while the writing points out that Ienaga became perfect in that very moment, by giving her own life for someone else.

If this is Noda nodding to Christian faith again, the implication is that yes, Ienaga regretted what she did in the past and that she would be forgiven, not by men but by God.

After all, according to many, ‘Who saves a life saves the world’.

Yeah, yeah, among fans it’s a controversial topic.

The tropes of ‘death equals redemption’ and ‘redemption equals death’ are overused to the point they feel cheap and that’s due to fans themselves. As James Norrington said ‘The problem with a 'redemption' gig is, well, no one wants to see it. They all want to believe in it, sure, but to do it... it's as good as signing your own death warrant. Audiences don't want to see you redeemed, living a normal life. They'll never truly forgive you for your flaws as long as you're alive.’

Long story short, authors who decide to portray that EVERYONE can do a heel-face turn, that you can stop doing evil things, that is never too late to become a good person which is a great message really, also end up heroically killing off characters who decide to do something good for a change, so as to appease the fans who can’t forgive them and just want them to never realize the errors of their way and die a miserable death (or, when they feel merciful, spend their life being miserable).

Well, if that’s your kind of story, you’re free to roll with it.

De gustibus non disputandum est.

I’m personally not sure that, had Ienaga survived, after this heroic act of her, the trauma that pushed her into becoming the person she was, would be magically healed and she would become a morally perfect person... or at least as morally perfect as a human can be (not much really unless you’re in air of sainthood) and OF COURSE there’s no way she could ‘pay back’ all the people she killed as... well… they’re dead (I know there’s a lot of confusion about it but redemption isn’t about being forgiven, nor is about giving your life in a heroic way, redemption is about paying back the people you wronged... unless of course you use religion and have the character atone for his sins against God by redeeming himself to His eyes and not really by redeeming himself to his victims) but I like the idea Noda is hinting this could have helped her to change their ways.

A perfect world would be perfect if all the criminals just were to change their ways and become good people, not if the jails could contain them all or if they were to drop all dead in a ‘Death Note’ style (though, when we talk about fictional works, there’s a bit of Yagami Light in all the fans… :P ). We need good men more than we need jails filled and corpses.

But well, this of course is just an utopia, sinning is addictive and changing your life is hellish hard. It happens even in real life, but is sadly very rare.

Anyway Tanigaki and Ienaga leave Inkarmat’s room only to meet up with Koito, pointing his gun at them. Tanigaki, who was pushing ahear Inkarmat, now places her behind himself but Koito is clearly torn. He’s sweating and chewing his lower lip as he lower his gaze as well before lowering his gun too and telling them to leave.

The two run away, always without thanking him, but then Tanigaki wonders why Koito left them go.

Inkarmat points out that when Koito was bedridden she spent a lot of time telling fortunes to him but Tanigaki rejects the idea. The Second Lieutenant Koito he knows wouldn’t have shown mercy to a person who had shown kindness to him.

While this is partially true, as part of Koito’s actions are clearly motivated by how he had lost faith in Tsurumi and Tsukishima due to discovering how he was used by them, I still think him letting Inkarmat go is also part due to him growing fond of her.

She was with him and cheered him up when he was wounded and weak and, in a way, in enemy ground. I think this was precious to him and Inkarmat, who’s clearly not a naive person, probably realized it. Koito knows he can’t escape, he doesn’t take that chance to run away as well, but it’s worth to mention if Tsurumi were to realize he let them go, Koito could end up in troubles as well and maybe he’s afraid Tsukishima too could put him in troubles since he warned him if he were to betray he would kill him. Koito also is risking his own life to help them, and, I think, is something he’s not doing solely out of the kindness of his heart but out of genuine care for Inkarmat.

She won him over a little.

It’s also sad how Tanigaki thinks that Inkarmat’s kindness should have gone unrewarded on Koito. He doesn’t think the time she spent with him would affect Koito, that he would grow to care for her. He sees Koito as a lost cause, a man uncapable of showing thankfullness and apprecciation for the kindness he received.

Koito is in another box for bad guys from which Tanigaki didn’t think Koito should have been able to get off and instead he did. People don’t change to Tanigaki, he has no hope for them to get better, to improve themselves, to develop positive relations or to do good thing. Once evil, always evil.

It’s a sad, hopeless and cold view.

I think even Nihei would be hurt by it.

Meanwhile Tanigaki put in action his ‘bright plan’ of escaping with Inkarmat on a horse a mean of transportation surely perfectly comfortable for a pregnant woman who could give birth at any minute and whose speed wouldn’t resent at all of the fact it has to carry two people, one of which at the nth month of pregnancy plus whatever Tanigaki has in those bags he hung to the horse and his own backpack.

Now… remember when I said the Tsukinator was meant to be out of commission for supposedly two hours?

Well, we wished.

The Tsukinator, despite the sedative, manages to get up, grab a rifle, shoot in Tanigaki’s direction and recharge before… falling again. Honestly I’m not sure if he has fainted or he just slipped off the bed due to lack of coordination. Nothing stop the Tsukinator as we’ll see later on.... but after all we knew it.

‘Listen, and understand, Tanigaki. That Tsukinator is out there, it cant be bargained with, it cant be reasoned with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop... EVER, untill you are dead!’

Too bad Tanigaki can’t hear me lecturing him about the Tsukinator....

Meanwhile as Tanigaki and Inkarmat escape, as it was easy to predict, the rocking of the horse of course starts to affect Inkarmat. Tanigaki realizes he was going too fast and, since they managed to make to the edge of the Otaru he thinks they’re far enough and safe enough they can stop there in an abandoned building.

As Tanigaki lights a fire, Inkarmat notes there’s blood coming from his head so he uses the Matanpushi (the headband Huci gave him) to bandage it, claiming he’ll be fine.

Honestly I don’t really find respectful to use that headband as a makeshift bandage as the Matanpushi has a religious meaning among Ainu, in fact it tells Gods where they are and calls their protection on the wearer. I can understand Huci using it as such, to ask the Gods to protect Tanigaki, but, as I doubt Tanigaki is now an Ainu Gods believer, it just feels a bit inappropriate.

On the other side in desperate times people would beg at whatever altar they would find and I also wonder if, in a way, this makes Tanigaki feel as he felt when he was escaping from Ogata and Nikaido so in a way he is hoping Huci’s headband will give him protection not so much through the Gods in which Huci’s believes but just because it’s Huci’s headband... which again is very human and also rather sweet.

(Besides there are huge chances Tanigaki has no idea of the religious meaning tied to it...)

We can also see that Tanigaki’s irises recover their light colour now that he’s wearing it so yes, I think it has a good psychological effect on him and it’s not just something he picked up at random.

Anyway Tanigaki plans to have them rest only a little and then escape farther.

Inkarmat notes Tanigaki is losing blood from his leg also, which Tanigaki thinks is the result of Tsukishima shooting at them earlier and which he notices only now since he was so busy escaping he didn’t even felt the pain it should give him.

While this is kind of normal and points rather well to Tanigaki’s inner state, so completely focused on escaping he basically didn’t even felt pain, not checking on his own conditions is a huge mistake. Not only loss of blood makes him weaker and could have caused him to faint, making him useless and giving Inkarmat more troubles but his dripping blood left a convenient track the Tsukinator followed till there.

And that’s why I think Tsukishima didn’t faint, he only fell because, on his feet he basically reached Tanigaki and Inkarmat who escaped on a horse in no time as they only apparently had time to light the fire before being discovered. The Tsukinator is even faster than Jason Voorhees in tailing after his victims despite being on his feet and drugged… but Noda has already assigned the comparison with Jason to Sugimoto so I’ll stick with the Tsukinator…

Anyway the Tsukinator tries to shoot Tanigaki but he narrowly misses him.

Either Tanigaki is lucky, due to the Matanpushi the Gods are really protecting him or Tsukishima is still partially affected by the sedative. Anyway Tanigaki tells Inkarmat to escape from the back as he tries to shoot the Tsukinator and… miss him despite the Tsukinator being only few steps from him as the Tsukinator lowers himself, pushes Tanigaki on the ground and then punches him hard.

Tanigaki, taking advantage of his superior size and strength, grabs the Tsukinator up and tosses him against a wall so hard the Tsukinator crashes through it.

Think this signs a score for Tanigaki? Think twice.

The result of Tanigaki’s efforts is that when Tanigaki grabs his rifle and tries to shoot him, the Tsukinator had all the time to hide, protected by the walls.

Tanigaki looks out, and luckily for him the Tsukinator isn’t into position yet as Tanigaki’s head would have been a beautiful target right then.

Way to go, Tanigaki, really.

Inkarmat calls him so Tanigaki reaches her and again they escape on a horse. Again.

The Tsukinator shoots Tanigaki in the shoulder...

...before faithfully ‘hopping’ after them at a leisurely pace with a calm and a determination that betrays how he took lessons from Pepé Le Pew only, to Pepé and Tsurumi’s displeasure, what pushes him forward to chase and attempt to kill Tanigaki, is clearly not ‘love’.

Anyway morning as come and Inkarmat and Tanigaki are still escaping on a horse, conveniently leaving blood track on the snow that the Tsukinator can follow. They might as well leave direction signs.

Tanigaki though is optimist. Now he has a rifle so, he thinks, the Tsukinator will keep more at distance (he wishes) and besides since he’s more at home in the mountains than him they will easily lose him if he will hide there with a pregnant woman about to give birth and for whom all those emotions and the horse ride clearly aren’t good.

As on cue and strictly following Murphy’s law, Inkarmat’s water breaks and Tanigaki’s oh so perfect plan to slowly reach the mountains and lose the Tsukinator there crashes when facing the logistics of how to deal with an impending childbirth that Ienaga had warned him was about to happen. But no, do not listen to the amazing doctor when the latter is also a criminal who just died to save your ass.

So Tanigaki APOLOGIZES TO THE HORSE because he is leaving him behind and mind him, this is nice and everything but what about thanking Ienaga, who died for you and Koito who risked his ass for you?

Meanwhile the Tsukinator moves closer following the trail of blood he can notice also in a bamboo grove… to discover Tanigaki’s horse which now has a wound on his leg, likely made by Tanigaki as the horse before seemed perfectly fine.

The Tsukinator understands he was misleaded into chasing the horse and his brain computer analyze the situation to set on a new course… and soon it’ll become obvious it’s not really difficult to get which one.

Meanwhile Tanigaki, who’s about to become father, carries Inkarmat bridal stile running through the snow repeating the classic sentences Panicky Expectant Fathers says to their wives when they’re about to give birth to a baby: ‘you can do this, grit your teeth and bear it, it’s gonna be okay, I’m with you, you can do this, everything will work out… yadda, yadda’.

Mind you, it’s nice from them as it’s not like there’s something they can do except saying such things and being of moral support with their presence but it’s a trope so abused seeing it in this scene somehow made me laugh instead than feel the drama that’s obviously looming over him and Inkarmat due to them being in an obviously very dire situation.

And it’s worth to mention that Inkarmat, same as all the other pregnant women, appreciates a lot Tanigaki’s efforts to reassure her.

Moral support might seem nothing much but sometimes it can also do miracles and it’s great to know there’s someone with you that encourages you when you’re in such a desperate situation, a rock against which you can hold so as not to be dragged away by waves.

So she smiles and hugs Tanigaki tightly and tries to hold on.

It’s a good moment.

Yeah, Tanigaki went into this without the sliver of a decent plan but at least he decided to stick with the people that were important for him and not leave them alone at the first sign of trouble.

Tanigaki has plenty of faults and flaws but, despite this I think it’s so IMPORTANT how he decided to stay with Inkarmat through thick and thin when so many other men would have washed their hands clean of her and the baby.

Maybe Tanigaki can’t give us lessons about planning or about not being hypocrites but sure as hell he’s trying his hardest to be a good companion and a good father and this is GREAT, really.

He’s wounded, he has lost blood and yet he’s running in the snow with all their luggage and Inkarmat, who’s pregnant, in his arms.

The Tsukinator can be scary in the way he doesn’t stop his chase but Tanigaki, who’s instead moved by love, is amazing.

Sadly though, Tanigaki isn’t really good at planning things and this definitely plays against him.

So Tanigaki, running like a madman, reaches the most predictable destination in the neighbourhood of Otaru in which he could hope to get help, Huci’s house, where we can see next to her the son of Sakamoto, the Lighting Bandit and O-gin who now had grown enough he can sit on his own.

While yes, in this place they can find someone who’ll help Inkarmat, it’s not like The Tsukinator couldn’t guess Tanigaki would take this course, it was obvious enough that escaping with a woman who’s about to give birth they should find a place in which said woman could give birth and Huci’s house is close enough so I expect the Tsukinator to figure this out and reach them in no time. I honestly doubt Tanigaki will manage to repeat the same trick he used with Ogata as, first of all, at this point it wouldn’t be wise to move Inkarmat for a while and this includes also just after she gave birth and he can’t leave her behind or she and her child will become hostages Tsukishima and Tsurumi can use against him or kill off in retaliation for his escape and this now includes Huci as well since Tanigaki has ended up involving her.

Due to Tanigaki’s huge involvement in Kiro’s death (Kiro died of blood loss mainly caused by the wound Tanigaki gave him) he’ll likely be a victim of the tiger curse and condemned to live an unhappy life meaning there are chances he won’t be the one to die here but that he’ll lose everything here.

Tsukishima is in no better position as he also contributed to Kiro’s death albeit in a smaller manner (the wound Tsukishima inflicted him did negligible harm compared to Tanigaki’s although it clearly didn’t help, actually it only speeded up Kiro’s death) so let’s talk a bit about him.

Tsukishima didn’t need to become The Tsukinator, as I called him through this whole rambling.

He attempted to stop Tanigaki, he was drugged, they went away, he could have told Tsurumi he just passed out, Koito kept on sleeping and be done with the whole business.

Tanigaki is just a man who wants to go back home, he isn’t interested in the gold hunt nor in stopping Tsurumi, he wants to get the woman he loves and have a family with her. Inkarmat is a woman who due to her past with Wilk ended up becoming a pawn to him and now she apparently merely wants to have a family with Tanigaki. The incoming baby has no fault of his own and can’t prove to be a threat.

Why just not letting them go? Why do they need to be killed or captured at any cost?

Is the baby’s actually Tsurumi? Did they experimented on the fetus so as to create the perfect soldier or the antichrist himself? Does Inkarmat know earth shattering secrets that can’t be revealed to anyone?

Tsukishima was willing to let go Gansoku, a criminal. When Koito unveiled the truth Tsukishima let it slide as long as Koito played along with Tsurumi.

So why not letting go Tanigaki, Inkarmat and the baby?

Just because they aren’t okay with being used as a pawns like he is? Just because they want to have the ordinary happy life Tsukishima was denied? Or it’s because in this way it won’t come out Koito let them go?

I don’t know but I can’t say I like what Tsukishima is doing. He could turn the other way to save three lives, he could turn the other way as he does each time Tsurumi commits a crime and instead he decided to stick with Tsurumi against three people who, apparently, can’t really do Tsurumi harm. I’m really sad he chose to be that way.

On another note there’s something I wanted to remark in the past chapter but forgot about it so I’ll mention it here. I love how Noda handles Inkarmat’s pregnancy.

In many cases in manga a pregnant woman is often moving around like a not-pregnant woman, using her protruding belly like a hand rest and maybe being a little slow and fatigued but overall acting as she usually do.

Inkarmat moves exactly like a pregnant woman instead, not using her belly as a hand rest but protecting and holding it with her hands, taking it into consideration when she moves around and even when she’s in a seating position she clearly have to adjust it to make it comfortable for herself now that she’s in her 9th month. Noda really did his homework with her.

Anyway with this chapter we end volume 23, with Tanigaki coming back to Huci without Asirpa and with a woman about to give birth and a Tsukinator tailing after them in a situation that really sounds like it will become a déjà vu of volume 5.

Ogata back then didn’t want to shoot Tanigaki in Huci’s house so as not to have to kill her too and ended up allowing Tanigaki to get an advantage over him. We’ll see what the Tsukinator will do… and we’ll see what Tanigaki will do now as well, so as to ensure Inkarmat, his kid and Huci (as well as Sakamoto and O-gin’s baby) will get out of this safely.

Hopefully maybe, being back on the mountains will give him back his planning ability.

Using the horse to lead Tsukishima in the wrong direction wasn’t a bad idea even if the course he took afterward became then far too predictable. On a sidenote… in that circumstance Nikaido was there as well and Tsukishima watched as Tsurumi cut his ear. I do wonder… was Nikaido still at the hospital? Does he know what’s going on? Will he join them? And with whom he’ll side?

Tanigaki who caused him to be attacked by a bear or Tsukishima who stood by as Tsurumi cut his ear and would have let the latter kill him without blinking?

It would really be interesting to have Nikaido join the party with a ‘personal’ position instead than just the one of the soldier who has to obey to Tsurumi’s orders.

As the tiger curse said they’re supposed to live an unhappy life, unless I’m misinterpreting something, the curse won’t attempt to their lives, just at making them miserable. Still, we’ll see. I don’t want Inkarmat, the baby and Huci to die but I get this could be appropriate karmic retribution for Tanigaki. We’ll see.

In a way, while the previous chapter pushed forward a comparison between Tanigaki’s escape plan (or lack thereoff) and Ogata’s escape plan, this chapter is all a comparison in strenght and endurance between Tsukishima and Tanigaki. They fight, they keep on going even when other men would just give up, with a desperation and a determination that makes me think of Kiro in his last moments and that might be done on purpose in case the tiger curse is looming on them.

Kiroranke is looking down on them from above, seeing them as they struggle like he did, seeing them, who in the past had a good relation, fight without mercy like Tanigaki did with him.

We’ll see how it’ll end for both of them but sure thing the irony in all this is big.

Last but not least a question that’s going to stay unanswered for now. Who between the Tsukinator, the killer rabbit of Caerbannog, the 6 million yen man and Jasonmoto would win should they come to a hand-to-hand fight? We’ll probably discover this in the future.

#Golden Kamuy #Tanigaki Genjirou #Inkarmat #Tsukishima Hajime #Ienaga Kano #Koito Otonoshin #Golden Kamuy Ramblings and Theories #Susupo

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