#also i am SO sorry the images are really blurry but i tried ;-;

[nowritingonthewall]

I just called to say I love you

Fandom: Star Wars

Pairing: Poe Dameron x gn!reader

Words: 1500

Summary: When you are worried about Poe on his mission, he tries to put your mind at ease.

Warnings: Mostly fluff with some sprinkles of angst, reader is extremely anxious in the beginning, no gender specific descriptions of the reader but Poe refers to them as Beebs’ mommy

The buzzing of your holopad made you wake from your troubled dreams with a start. Still in a daze, it took you several seconds to become aware of your surroundings and realize that you must have fallen asleep on your bed after tossing and turning for hours.

Slightly disoriented you groggily tried to grab your holopad from your nightstand, when you realized with a jolt that there was only one person who would try to contact you at this time of night. The reason why you hadn’t been able to find any proper rest for more than three weeks now: Poe.

Suddenly wide awake, you quickly unlock the holo call while trying to find some clothes between the sheets in case you would have to jump into action immediately.

“Poe?!”

“Hey, Koyopoo!”

“Are you all right? Do you need back up? A mechanic crew? An emergency medical team? Substitute transport?”

“Actually I just – “

“You didn’t accidentally blow up another X-wing, did you? Did you blow up another X-wing? Please tell me you didn’t blow up another X-wing!”

“No honey, I just – “

“Why didn’t you contact the control room? Did Lt. Prebun mix up the frequencies for the emergency channels again? I swear, this guy…”

“Sweetheart, could you just – “

“I told you, you should have taken more pilots to the rendezvous point, didn’t I? I told you…”

You were half way finished with trying to pull the next best shirt over your legs when your sleep-deprived brain finally caught up with the lack of urgency in Poe’s voice. You hesitated.

“Wait, why… why are you so calm?”

“Because you seem to be excited enough for the two of us?”

“Sh… sorry, sweetie!” You tried your best to calm down taking a deep breath before asking, “What do you need?”

“First of all, I need you to relax, bups, everything’s fine!”

“I am relaxed!!!” you shot back with the calmness of an exploding death star.

“Snugglebums…” he cooed gently.

“Kriff, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m just… slightly on edge.”

“I know, pumpkin, that’s why I wanted to tell you the we’re all okay as soon as the comms were safe to use again.” His voice was so soft and soothing that you could actually feel some of the tension being released from your body.   

“Also…”

There was always an ‘also’ with Poe, wasn’t there. As if reading your thoughts, though, he immediately assured you, “Everything is fine, really! I just… I just needed to hear your voice.”

Even through the blurry image generated by your holopad you could see the warmth and adoration radiating from his eyes as he lovingly touched the screen of his device.

You could only imagine how much of a mess you probably represented right now, with your tousled and tangled hair sticking up from your head in every direction, your puffy eyes heavy from sleep deprivation and your face crinkled with worry lines. Yet Poe’s eyes seemed to glisten as if he was looking at the most precious treasure in the galaxy. He might have been at the other end of the universe and yet you could sense his feelings for you flowing through you, warming your heart and soul as if he was right there beside you.

Despite your best attempts at trying to sound serious, you weren’t able to keep your emotions out of your voice. “Poe, you know what the General said about keeping the comms clear during missions...”

“I remember, peachy!” He grinned. “But I have a very important message for you, you see?”

“Wait, what, you do? Hang on a second…”

Switching into mission mode again, you frantically rummaged through your sheets looking for your datapad to write down Poe’s message. When you finally found it, you unlocked it as quickly as possible, nodding in Poe’s direction, “Okay, I’m ready, shoot!”

“Right.” He cleared his throat a little overdramatically.

“I just called…” he began.

“I just called…” you repeated typing as fast as you could.

“…to say…” he continued.

“…to say…” you repeated, wondering why nobody had informed you that the secret code for transmitting messages had obviously been changed again.

“I love you!”

“I love… Pohoe!”

“Awwwww did you hear that, Beebs? Your mommy loves me!” The mischievous glint in his eyes accompanying his cheeky smile was framed by the most gorgeous crinkles in the galaxy.

Fighting very hard to refrain from simply covering the holo projection in smoochies, you tried to remember your professional training when you asked him cautiously, “Poe, what did you do?”

“What makes you think I did something?” He raised an eyebrow without losing his scrumptious smile.

“Well, for starters, you calling me Beebs’ mommy usually means that you fear you might be in trouble.”

As the transmittance became a little wibbly-wobbly, you were only able to catch a few excited beeps before you could hear Poe again, “Beebs wants to know if you love him, too!”

“Changing the subject, are we, sweetie? Of course, I love him, too!”

“I’m sorry, peanut, I don’t think he heard that.”

“I love you, Beebs!” you exclaimed a little louder.

“Whaaaaat?”

“I love you, Beebs!” you basically screamed at your holopad.

“Geez, babe, there really is no need to wake up half the base!”

Spinning around you nearly fell of the bed when you realized that the man you had assumed to be several systems away was suddenly standing in the door to your room.

“I am going to ki…” – “kiss me?” he chimed in hopefully.

You were about to tell him that he got it half right and look for a pillow or maybe something not so soft to throw at him, when the relief of seeing him safe and sound took over and you leapt to your feet closing the distance between the two of you in a heartbeat. Throwing your arms around him, you bury your face in the crook of his neck, not quite succeeding at suppressing a few sobs of relief.

Whatever cheeky grin or witty comment might have been on his lips, was quickly wiped away as he pulled you as close to him as humanly possible. “Hey, Koyopoo,” he whispered softly, placing a gentle kiss on top of your head.

You allowed yourself to cling to him just long enough to convince yourself that he was actually back and safe in your arms before pulling back to examine him for possible injuries. At least that had been your plan. Which was significantly hampered by the fact that Poe was not ready to let go of you yet by a long shot.

“Poe, sweetie, just lemme…“ – “I’m fine,” he said, knowing exactly what you were about to do and not loosening his hold on you one bit.

“The last time you said that you had to spend two weeks in intensive care,” you pointed out,  drawing a sheepish giggle from him. 

“I’m fine, love,” he repeated a little softer before pulling you even closer to his chest. Closer than you could remember ever being held by him. Close enough for your relief to be dampened by concern.

“Poe, what happened on that mission?” you asked him softly.

“Nothing. I mean, nothing to worry about. I just really really really missed you, boo.”

Gently cupping his cheek you scanned his face carefully, finding nothing there but pure sincerity and endless affection.

Before you got the chance to lean in for a proper kiss, you felt a nudge to your knee, which was followed by a few impatient beeps.

“Oh yeah, Beebs would like to tell you that he loves you too!” Poe explained laughing.

As you knelt down to give the little droid a few belly rubs, he began to wiggle excitedly and chirp happy beeps at you, which became even happier when you leaned forward to place a little kiss on his dome.

“Oh, so *he* gets a kiss?” Poe pouted.

“That’s for bringing him safely back to me,” you explained partly to him and partly to the little droid. “Thank you, Beebs!”

“I had a little to do with it, too, you know.” As he crossed his arms as if he had been mortally offended, his pout intensified.

“Sure you had, flyboy!” you grinned, patting his knee sympathetically.

“C’mere!”

Pulling you back up and into his arms, he gently rubbed his nose against yours before hugging you even tighter than before. As your head came to rest on his shoulder, he put his cheek against yours, tenderly swaying you both from side to side, as if dancing to a silent and soothing rhythm.

“Baby, we really need to find a way to help you relax and stop worrying so much whenever I am on a mission.”

“Mmhhmmmm…” you hummed against his shoulder. “You mean like when you start pacing across the landing pad three hours before my scheduled return? Like when you personally double-check each first aid kit on our transports? Like when you ask my mech at least five times if they are sure my wing is in ship shape condition before every flight? Like when you nearly lost it with the new comm officer for losing contact with me during our last mission?” You raised your head to be able to look at him. “That kind of relaxing?”

“Hold on, I didn’t… how do you even know about this?”

Unable to hide your smile, your gaze flickered involuntarily towards BB-8, prompting Poe to grumble, “You little snitch!”

Appalled by the accusation, the little droid rolled backwards chirping a few indignant beeps that were followed by a long and sad one.

“No, no, of course I am not mad at you, buddy!”

“Whoooeeeeeeh! Bleep blob da blibbo?”

“No, I have no idea why they are wearing my shirt on their bum,” Poe laughed before turning back to you. “Sweetiepie? Why *are* you wearing my shirt on your bum?”

Letting out a groan you leaned your forehead against his shoulder. “Because.”

With a chuckle, Poe pulled you closer towards him.

“I think I kind of like it.”

“Really…” you murmured into the fabric of his flight suit.

“Can I tell you what else would look really good on your bum?”

“Mmhmmm? Of course you can,“ you mumbled as you nuzzled your face deeper into the crook of his neck.

With the fast decrease of adrenaline in your system now that you were back in his arms, you could feel the last weeks of worrying catching up with you quickly and your head was growing heavier by the second. If it hadn’t been for Poe holding you upright as you melted into him, you probably would have collapsed already.

“Maybe some other time,” he smiled. Keeping you steady against his chest, he carefully guided you to your bed. After gently helping you to lie down, he took a moment to smile at the way you seemed to be drifting back to sleep already.

Having made sure that BB-8 was properly docked into his charging station, he swiftly got out of his boots and his flight suit before climbing into bed right next to you.

As he pulled the cover over both of you, you snuggled up against him laying your arm around him, melting into his comforting warmth with your head tugged safely beneath his chin. Slowly stroking his hand up and down your back while leaving the softest of kisses on your temple, he could feel you smiling against his chest.

“Hey, Poe?”

“Mmhhhm?”

“I love you, too!”

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this little blurb, I would love to hear from you 💜

[mercurygray]

The Only One I've Got

This one goes out to the anonymous Fred Friend.

It looked like it was going to be sunny today.

After the long slow slog through December and January's sleets and snows, sunshine would be welcome, even if it was only for a few thin February hours. The weather was pressing in on them just as much as the missions were, and so far 1944 had not had much to recommend it.

(Their director had asked quietly at New Year's if a reassignment would be welcomed, but she didn't really want to go. If she left she'd lose so many good memories.)

"I left the mail on the table," Tatty said, coming in from the front where they usually parked the jeep. "I didn't see what's there."

"Thanks, Tat!" Fred said, brushing the last of the toast crumbs from her fingers and going to look at the pile. Helen, Helen, Mary, Tatty, Helen - and a small square of what looked like cardstock, stamped several times in purple and red with a very serious German word in the upper left corner, and her name, Freda Torvaldsen, written in careful block script in the address.

She must have made a noise, because Helen was suddenly there, and maybe Tatty, too, and she couldn't remember sitting down in the chair, and the rest of the mail had fallen on the floor. Her vision was swimming a little.

She wanted it to be from him. Maybe it wasn't.

"Fred, honey, you need me to read it to you?"

She shook her head, her hands shaking as she tried to turn it over to open it and nearly ripped the thing in two. Tatty took it from her and eased the seal open before she handed it back.

It was dated three months ago - December.

Dear Fred,

I'm hopeful that maybe you've tried to get news about me before now. If not, my new stationery should inform you - I am alive, and a guest of the Germans in a Prisoner of War camp. I'm sorry I haven't written before now. Now that we are settled we are permitted to send three pieces of mail a month and I needed to tell my folks first.

It feels very strange to write your name at the top of a letter. I've never had to write to you before. I'm hopeful that maybe we can keep this up, if you still feel the same way you did several months ago. Quarters here are close and I couldn't keep who I was writing to private. I need to let you know there have been some complaints. Lots of guys from the old outfit are here with me, and many names that you would know. (I'm not listing them, as I think the censor will black them out.) Hopefully you don't hear from them, too.

I just realized I'm using the word hopeful a lot, but it's the only one I've got. Hopefully Yours, John

PS - There are a few guys here who are not getting mail. Can you share my address with Ma Brennan and see if she could write something? It would be nice to share a little of the news from home and let them know that they aren't forgotten.

She read it through three times, vision increasingly blurry, realizing, belatedly, that the pencil was getting on her fingers. Hopefully yours. She held it to her nose and thought she could smell pipe smoke, and it was the best gift she'd ever gotten.

Of course I'm yours. You're the only one I've got.

-

A big thank you to a friend who is asking to remain anonymous for sharing images of what POW mail looked like. Some of it was on pre-printed postcards and some was on a message blank, which is what I'm describing here. The big German word Fred can't read is Kriegsgefangenpost, prisoner of war mail. I also just found a website online that has a ton of pictures of what this looked like.

[emerxshiu]

i knew i said i would be more active but i was kinda busy with school, but now i've gotten my winter break so i think now i should be able to post more often.

this was a prject for art class where we had to draw what we wanted for christmas, got the highest grade on it!

i was planning to post this earlier but i kinda fell asleep, my sleep schedule is absolute bs at this point but im tryna work on it, kinda.

oh yeah the drawing, gonna talk abt it now, its based on that one kirby twitter image they posted for christmas, i think it was the 2018 one, not sure rn. dedede just put on a belt, thats it, he already looks like santa, bandee is all in spirit with an elf costume and meta had to be begged by bandee to at least put something holiday related on.

sorry its blurry, i couldnt get a better pic no matter how i tried

we also did something similar for halloween

btw marx and mags kissed after this, trust me im the moon.

i dont really have my gijinkas defined aside from kirby, marx and bandee, tho im starting to try to redesing them, but yeah, meta, dedede, and mags could change (i mean, mags already changed here, i used to draw him with short brown hair, but i like this hair better) dunno if it easy to understand, i suck at explaining stuff

i also finished magolor epilogue today at like, 4 am in like 4 or 5 hours and maaannn i loved it, i want to replay it from scratch but i dont wanna delete my save data nor have to replay all of story mode in another save file. i have all stages platinum except hydriath, who is on gold (i swear i'll get you one day!) no matter how i try i can never keep my combo long enough for platinum. when i finished it, i felt kinda empty ngl i wanted more, but didnt feel like trying extra mode or doing the challenges, or really anything i had left to do in krtdldlx

so i checked my ao3 cuz it had been a week since i had and remembered that i had a draft i wanted to post that i only had there

i lost the draft

so i just check my favourite tags and oh look there is another addition to my favourite series there, but i think this is for another time, better when i post a fanart of it

[scholarart]

Act 1 - Chapter 1 - Nature of Art

A dream

unknown and fleeting.

Cold and soft.

A blanket for nothing.

—

The screen hums. Well it doesn’t actually. It is a modern monitor. I guess if you got really close it might. It should though. It feels like it does. As though if I got too close it would shock me. Either way the image is blurry. Or my eyes are. Something is. Did I sleep yet? 

The screen looked at me. It probably thinks I hum huh. I don’t hum by the way, at least not anymore. I prefer the quiet. I live with my parents. A shut-in I suppose. I think I’m still in college, I haven't checked in a couple weeks. They’re probably worried, but what could I tell them? I worry too.

Sorry, I’m getting distracted by things again. I should tell y’all what I’m working on. It's a game, like Yume Nikki. But with a focus on technology. And that's all I got. I made a sprite, and she moves and I made a room. That's it. I cannot think. I just can't think anymore. What can I do?

What can I do?

 What can I do?

  What can I do?

   What can I do?

     What can I do?

      What can I do?

I don’t know. That's why I’m here. Staring at a screen. Wondering, thinking, pondering, struggling. 

I still wonder why I stopped showing up. It started out as one day. I told myself it was a break. I needed a break, truthfully I did. Then one became two. Two became three. Three became a week, which became a month. Now I’m here. I’ve considered a job. Hell even applied to some. But I don’t think I’m meant to work. I’ve tried three jobs. The first was in high-school. Retail. Worked for 6 months before I got depressed and quit. The second I worked at for a month then gave up. Never officially quitting, but also never officially fired. Just disappeared. The third I showed up for the first day, got told to change as I looked like a freak, then never went back. Now I’m here. 

I haven’t given up. Giving up means something different to me. It’s not a break either. More like a bad signal in my brain. Just fzzzzzzzz y’know? 

Nothing comes easy to me I guess. But I know I need to create. It feels right somehow. Like I have something deep and profound if only I could get the words to show it. But I can’t. My writing class would’ve told me to start smaller. Make a statement about yourself, or a book, or something else. Starting with capitalism is a bit hard. But what else can I say? I have no life, no meaning, no nothing. 

My existence is politicized. My way of thinking and acting is portrayed as funny and odd. My body is either porn or a freak. I am an amalgamation of things people hate to see, so I guess it makes sense that I gave up.  Ugh, this is not how a first chapter should go. Y’all don’t even have the setting, I haven't established main themes, I haven't even told y’all my name. It’s

[syana3101]

[ It's The Same Tale, Once Again ]

Pardon my mistakes, English is not my first language.

Summary : (This story takes place a year after the Uchiha Massacre happened.) Kakashi is dead. All thanks to his ANBU mission. However, a mysterious man named Roku, whom he met in the limbo, gave Kakashi a second chance to fix everything from the beginning. Kakashi expected to be back one day before the Kannabi Bridge tragedy happened.

He was wrong. He was back when his mother died one day ago, and he had to face his father, again.

Could he save his father and himself? At this point, he could only hope.

0 - Chara

1

Death was the least of his worries. But Kakashi never thinks it would be hurtful to die when someone is with you. In his last moment, he said his last wish to Tenzo. His wish was simple: "Please protect this village and be better than me." Forgive yourself and keep walking until the end. I wish you all the happiness that may come to you. "

2 - 3

But rather than dead, Kakashi found himself in limbo. A man introduces himself as Roku. And Kakashi told the story about the tragedy that started when his mother died until his death. Roku was patiently listening and sometimes made some weird commentary about how he and Kakashi were particularly the same.

And since Kakashi never heard Roku tell him his story, he asked him, "What kind of person were you when you were alive?"

Roku simply answers, "Let's just say I'm lost on the road of life. And I'm here waiting until I'm ready to take my second chance. "

Hearing such words, Kakashi feels a little jealous, yet happy. "It must be nice to have a second chance."

4

Roku: "Haha, not really. I have never been ready to face my second chance." After all, I made a lot of mistakes. And I don't think I've ever been ready to forgive myself. "

Kakashi: "Ah, I see... Regret is hard, right?"

Roku : "I know, anyway, do you want it?"

Kakashi: "Excuse...?"

Roku: "Do you want my second chance?"

Kakashi: "... Pardon, but I must be mistaken. It's your second chance, right? That is to mean, it was all for yours, not mine. "

Roku: "Nah, I'm actually able to give someone my second chance. Well, let's just say how grateful I am to Rikudo Sannin for giving me a second chance. But, I'm not ready. Could you deny that? "

Kakashi: "... I'm not ready either. I mean, Facing them again, I... I...".

5

"I know, you, or I, or people there, have never been ready to face the same things again. But Kakashi, you were brave and "kind." I'm proud of how much you tried to learn and change."

Kakashi shows him a sad smile behind that mask. "You flatter me too much."

And with that, Roku placed his hand on his cheek. "And because of that, I'll give you this chance. Please use it wisely, and... Remember, save what you can save. Not everyone. You can change some of their fate, and you can also change your life. "

"... Huh, so I can't deny your offer?" Kakashi nods. "Alright, I will do this—."

By the second time his word was not finished, a particle of light started to surround him. "Thank you for telling me your story, Kakashi."

"Wait, wait—."

"Promise me, be happy in this life..."

"... I promise..."

6 - 7

Kakashi heard a familiar voice around him. It must be Minato-sensei. 'As I thought, this is the Kannabi Bridge mission. '

He was glad until... "I'm so sorry for your loss, Sakumo-san."

'... Father? What—? '

"Thank you, Minato-san. I'm also sorry you came to my wife's funeral. "

'Mom?'

"Please don't mind it, Sakumo— Wait, I think Kakashi-kun is awake...

"Huh? Ah, right... Can you wait here for a while? I'll go get him...

Kakashi can hardly open his eyes. So puffy— he must be sobbing over his mother's death— dear God! Please let him open his eyes.

"Kakashi..."?" His father's tender voice made him feel something stingy, sweet and bitter in the heart.

"Kakashi?" He could see the blurry vigor on top of him. And when he finally saw the full image... "You awake... Wait, I'll take some water... "

Before Sakumo moves, Kakashi tucks his finger into Sakumo's sleeves. Sakumo looks back. "Yes, Kakashi—?"

8

Kakashi couldn't help but cry (again).

--

Afternote

This is my longest piece that I have ever written in English. I humbly apologize if I made a lot of grammatical mistakes (which I did).

But here, some notes about this story (the draft that I keep/before revision of this story or what might happen next).

1. Originally (I think), Kakashi's death was caused by his own sacrifice. If you ask why, here are the short stories: Shisui is saved from committing suicide by Kakashi, who knows the Uchiha Coup plan (but if you remember, in the novel, Shisui was killed). He managed to keep Shisui hidden and work with him. He also worked with Tenzo and later with Itachi. Kakashi has a plan to expose Danzo's crimes (stealing doujutsu), and with that, he wants to show that it is not really Uchiha's the one who has a problem. And perhaps it will persuade Lord Third to reconsider. But that mission is not what Tenzo, or Shisui and Itachi, thought would be accomplished. Kakashi sacrifices himself to bring Danzo down (which I imagine Kakashi used himself as a trap and would rather Itachi, Shisui, or Tenzo finish the rest).

> Because of this, the Uchiha Massacre never happened, and Lord Third changed his mind. Shisui regains his one eye and works as a Jounin, while Itachi serves as an ANBU. Tenzo is still in mourning for Kakashi and has taken on the role of Jounin teacher for team seven.

> If this happens, When Kakashi is back in the past, the main goal after saving his father and his teammates is to remove Danzo from this existence.

> But since I thought this idea was ridiculous, I stopped using it and made Kakashi die because of the mission. And if you'd like to use it, sure you can.

2. After this event happens, I will add a lot of fluff. Kakashi and Sakumo deserve so much happiness (and I can't really write action, so I instead write scenarios about fluff and family feelings/bonding).

3. For the future event about Sakumo's mission, I'd rather change it. Well, you could say it was like patrolling around Konoha's border (while someone else takes his original mission). But knowing that the mission was a total failure, even for Sakumo, the attack suddenly happened and Sakumo almost died due to chackra exhaustion.

> This accident caused Sakumo to return to an active jounin routine for a while. The village didn't shun him, but pity him. And the village blame the person who takes Sakumo's original mission because that person is the one who start the war and Sakumo couldn't get back to "become a hero for this war" since his condition.

> The person who takes Sakumo's original mission is sort of a Jonin who enviously looks at Sakumo. His child is years older than Kakashi's and still in academies. That child sometimes bullies Kakashi, telling him his father is a coward for taking on a simple mission (that child thought patrolling the Konoha border was a simple mission). But when the situation changed, Kakashi could only blatantly think this was irony for that child's family.

I will add something in (maybe) the second part~ Thank you for reading this far! Have a nice day!

[give-soup-please]

Hey, it's the anon who had the long-winded narrator dream again. I have two things I wanna say to you, firstly, I saw him again! Granted it's a bit blurry now, some minor dreams can almost be entirely erased by the blurring of waking, but because it happened, I tried my best to hold onto the memory of it. I told him that you were sorry for leaving, but that life got in the way. I remember him smiling despite my mental depiction of him not really having a physical form. I think he told me to tell you that it's alright? I then also told him to pursue you when you guys meet in a dream, implying for you guys to have an actual conversation.

(Also whenever I mentioned you, somehow I said your name and "Soup" at the same time, but now I'm realising I called you "Jayce" which I mean. Close enough?)

Secondly, I have been watching your blog from the start of you making your tsp headcannons. And I think you've changed, in a good way of course. I'm not sure on how to describe it, but overtime, you revealed more of the person beneath this blog, and the more you did, the more you shaped my mental perception of you. Fuck, I think the first thing I saw of yours was the narrator commission you got. Back then, you were just the default avatar in my mind. Not exactly someone who would stick well. But then I became intrigued in you, started checking your blog every-so-often, started reading what you had wrote. That's when you became more of a person. Eventually you changed into one of those object head people, even once me accidentally creating the image in my mind of your icon with a poorly photoshopped picture of soup on it. Then you told us your circumstance of life. I think that made me see you as more human since then. More and more you became an actual real human, which is quite uncommon for my brain to subconsiously recognise people on The Internet as a human person, some of my friends or partners don't even get that. Then I sent my dream in and you said your name. I suddenly had a full mental depiction of you. It was like taking off a mask, I could see you, face and all. I know it's not realistic in the slightest, it never is, but I just thought I should tell you. That I can see you. That I understand. Obviously you don't have to even care about this part of the ask, or respond to it, I just wanted to tell you that you are so. Real to me. And that I hope to see you again. Doesn't matter how, when or where, I have hope that maybe, maybe I'll see you again. :) 💙

This is another message I've been keeping in my inbox for a while, just staring and smiling. Thanks for passing the message along. I think it's been made clear to him that I'm taking a solid break. It's very interesting how we build perceptions of other people in our minds.

I'm glad that I started feeling comfortable enough to let other people perceive me. I've made a lot of strong connections with people as a result. I get worried, sometimes, that I share too much. That my safety may be compromised somehow, if I reveal more than I already have. But I look at this message, and I think it was worth it.

I am real to other people. What a joy that is.

I believe you will see me again. It's not going to be the same, going forward, but I have dreams and I'm planning on accomplishing them. One day, when this blog is a very distant memory, an old follower of mine will go to a bookstore, and glance around, not looking for anything in particular. They'll see my name on a book, and there will be a very distant memory. They'll flip to the back where the author bio is, and it will mention that my favorite food is soup, or some other similar injoke.

And the memories will come flooding back.

"That son of a bitch really did it. He made it." They'll say.

Or not. It's a funny way to picture it happening though.

You've appeared in my inbox a few times, anon. I recognize that blue heart sign off. I don't know anything besides that heart, indicating it's you. Maybe you requested something with a username attached, maybe you didn't. I don't remember. The point being, I see you, too.

I won't be gone entirely. The posts and reblogs will stop, but I'll still be alive, consuming content.

And should the day ever come when I'm ready to come back, to post on a regular basis again, you'll know. If I'm ever ready, Should it ever come to pass... it'll be hilarious. I found the perfect picture and everything. I don't make promises I can't keep, but there's always a chance I could come back. I never close a door that shouldn't be closed.

Until then, keep an eye out for me. And maybe someday, we'll meet again.

[mrsman]

Had the most fantastic day I got my diagnosis (ADHD positive hell yea baybee) and I went to a recording of a live talk show with friends and it was inspiring and fun and stimulating and my brain was very happy and when I got home I got makeup delivered I haven’t bought new makeup in years and on top of all that I even had a really deep vulnerable conversation with a longtime friend and really opened up to her and tried to change our dynamic to a more honest and vulnerable one on my end bc I always held back and it was successful! I felt great it’s all very good and fun and even Sunday we had a good time but he’s not there he’s not here he’s not anywhere

I can’t remember what it’s like to talk to him

Part of this having adhd business is I am now aware that I have shitty memory and object permanence is an issue so yea he’s not in front of me I’m not gonna be able to conjure an accurate image anymore and we haven’t spoken in a good friendly context in months and he changed the course of my life but he’s not here so I can’t remember it I can’t remember his jokes or his compliments or our fights I can’t remember things about him when I want to and when I don’t want to I get flashes of sensation and phrases and his eyes and his lips and the intimacy we shared but that’s it and it’s so blurry I can’t remember it sometimes I said I didn’t want to and my brain is protecting me but it isn’t even that when we were together I couldn’t hold onto my memories of him and it killed him when he realized that

Sorry babe I’m fucked in the head my psychiatrist tested me and everything honestly it’s probably best you got out when you did bc I am struggling with my own identity as it is and how I treated our relationship I’m not happy with it I’m not proud of it I blame you for your actions but I blame me for mine too it was sickening to look over and recognize how much pain I caused in carelessness and how I don’t know if I could stop myself in the future from making the same mistakes

And in all honesty I say that just to comfort myself that maybe there are benefits to the decision that is ultimately yours that I have no bearing on I can’t control you and that sucks bc if I could you’d be with me so I say the opposite and hope I’ll believe it and maybe you’ll feel less bad or something like you did the right thing when I feel like it’s the wrong thing but I want to tell you what you want to hear I still just want to please you I miss you so much life was so hard already and then you came and changed everything and I’m so sad now

I don’t know how to act rn bc you are my person and I always try to mold my behavior around what would make you happy and I got that wrong a lot and now you say you don’t want me to want you out loud and in posts so I try I try my best so you’ll be pleased with me but your actions your heart your spirit they say the opposite and I get really confused and I don’t know what to do then how do I make you happy when you don’t know what you want bc if it’s not me I mean I’m comfortable living in a world where I had you and it was great and now I don’t get to have you and the angst kills me more every day and I miss you a whole lot but it’s what you wanted so I’ll remind myself of that and live in that victimhood of being left I’m comfortable there I’ve been left a lot by you by my dad by my mom by pretty much every important person that said they’d take care of me I’ve been left by so that’s not a problem but you linger and you love me a lot right that’s not wrong to believe it’s the truth I can’t then separate the idea that maybe you’ll be back one day then bc my brain won’t let me bc to me what makes sense is you love someone you come back like you came back my mom came back and my dad came back they loved me more each time too so that’s the pattern my brain knows and I can’t help it

but I’m also too afraid to go full send and believe it bc you’ll be disappointed I don’t want to disappoint you I just wanted to make you happy with me maybe that’s pathetic but I am who I am and I love you and I’m not ashamed of that whatever fatal flaw you think you have that would turn me away doesn’t exist I know you better than I know myself and I love you even the bad parts even the childish parts even the hurtful parts I love them I love you I know you and this sucks I am sad I am very sad and so is spoopy she’s also very sad

Did I do the wrong thing did I make a mistake did I ruin the rest of your life did I make you feel bad

I can’t let go I’m really sorry but I can’t let go it’s not in the realm of possibility for me I know this and you know this too you know me you know what I’m like and it’s unfortunate that you think you can control me into not wanting it with betrayal and rejection

That hurt me but it has never stopped me from wanting a reconciliation with my brother who broke my trust in ways you will never be able to but I want to forgive him I’m trying to every day and I’m scared of him but if he changed if he came around if he found Jesus and apologized to me I’d forgive him I’d do everything in my power to be his sister again so you do your thing and if I’m bothering you with my feelings my spirit my heart I’m sorry I wish it wasn’t this way too I wish I could pick up the pieces myself and put them in a box and lock it but I can’t I’m human and I chose you and I’m sorry that I can’t do what you’re asking it’s been about 114 days since we broke up and 79 since I last saw you and not 1 iota of me has been able to move on

The tiny part of me that had feelings for that kid in hs still exists so what makes me think the rest of me that wants you is every going to die off and leave well in both cases I just wanted to let it go for his and your sake I’m being a bother I’m being a creep I’m not letting things go when I’m being asked to and my brain won’t ever let me I know this it’s scientifically proven so what can I do

I dunno and God certainly won’t help me He says you’re it so I really dunno sometimes I buy in sometimes I don’t

Please don’t be disappointed in me I’ll cry really hard if I have to read another sad rejecting post like I promise it won’t do anything but trigger another spiral and my mental health will get worse I’m extremely excruciatingly aware that my feelings are a burden and I don’t need confirmation from you that they are an active burden

[2short4astormtrooper]

drawing conclusions

a carmen sandiego social media fic inspired by this post by silverandjules: 

“a photo is captured of the infamous Carmen Sandiego looking rather close to an unknown woman. The photo goes absolutely viral as people furiously try to find any trace of who Carmen’s potential lover is. Amidst the media circus and Carmen having to work harder to avoid the press revealing her location, Julia’s students notice she looks remarkably similar to the woman in the photograph. Cue an interrogation from Julia’s university kiddos going absolutely apeshit over the fact their prim and proper professor has probably (definitely) made out with with an infamous international superthief.”

updated 26/1/21 with amazing art for the tweet also by silverandjules!

none of the usernames are actual people!! i am very bad at coming up with witty usernames

tw: cursing (not toooo much, but its definitely there)

tagging @sandiego-you-just-got-beached​ and @froggyrights​

part 2 - part 3 - part 4

[unfriedough]

Could I request Sandbender!Reader is a member of the Gaang and has cute fluffy romace w/ Zuko <3 (I have never done a fic request before so I hope this is right!)

‘Question’- Zuko x female!reader

Masterlist <3

An: HIYA! First off, thank you for this request, yes it was- good job!! (although maybe next time, include more details! It took me a while to think this one up hehe) Also, (although it's late) RAMADAN MUBARAK!!!!

(This is my longest fic - almost 5K words!)

Summary:

Read the request.

Warnings: fluff, cliche moments (i’m sorry), it's so cheesy lmao, Zuko’s insecure

Zuko found himself abandoned in the desert, which desert in particular? He wasn’t sure. Looking around, his friends were nowhere to be found. Groaning, he got up and whipped his head around - the panic of being lost settling in. As he waltzed around the empty expanse of the sand, he began regaining his memories. Apparently, a sand storm swept the gang plus pets apart. Zuko rubbed his sore ribs, there must be at least a few broken due to the height of the drop. Not long after, the firebender’s urge to sleep became overwhelming, his legs trembling under his weight. All hope was lost, but then, miraculously, he spotted a small village - little kids running round the expanse of it. He smiled to himself as he dragged his legs to the back of one of the shacks. Zuko sank along the back wall and finally gave in to the tiredness. Just as he was about to lose consciousness, he saw a silhouette.

“Huh?”

He doesn’t remember much after that, just tiny bits of being escorted into someone’s home.

He regained full consciousness not too long after, frantically looking around his unfamiliar surroundings.

“Shh,” the teenager felt a pair of soothing hands on his shoulder. “You’re okay.”

“Who are you?” his vision was still blurry, barely making out a face.

“Your saviour” you snorted.

Zuko’s Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly, nodding his head.

Zuko’s Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly, nodding his head.

Zuko’s Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly, nodding his head.

“Where am I?”

“My house, you should be more careful, y'know. Some people here would really like to beat up firebenders.” you replied, walking away to pick up a med kit.

“Noted.” he said, voice still hoarse

“Why were you in the desert anyways, fireboy?”

“The sandstorm swept me in, I guess.”

“Idiot.” he glared at you. “I’m not wrong.”

You made your way back to him and placed everything on a counter, before telling him to get on one of the other counters.

“Okay, I’m gonna go grab something from the living room, take off your shirt in the meantime.”

Colour rose to his cheeks, “Why?”

“For the thrill of it.” he tilted his head to the side. “Oh my god you are SO dense. So I could check for wounds silly.”

Shortly after you left the room, he carefully removed his shirt. Zuko stared at his reflection on your window, suddenly insecure of himself. His eyes snapped towards the door once he heard it open.

“Hi, I'm back.” you stated, a wooden bucket filled with clean water in your hands.

“Hey.” you placed down your bowl next to him and finally looked.

Your breath hitched as you took in the image of this man, to you, he was a work of art. His torso was littered with tiny scars, making him look rather intimidating. You tried not to stare for too long, he was the enemy after all. Though, he didn’t look the part. Shaking your head, you walked closer towards him, positioning yourself between his legs, and pushing him gently to the back so you could wrap the bandage. Zuko tried to suppress any noises of discomfort, but to no avail, you knew this hurt.

“I know you're in pain, babes.”

He tilted his head up and moved his jaw around, pondering the loose tone you used in the pet name.

After bandaging him up, you helped him to your bedroom where you situated Zuko onto your bed. He laid, staring at you as you moved around.

“So, what’s your name, pretty boy?”

Zuko gulped at the name again, were you flirting or just being nice?

“Zuko.”

“Wait, you're the guy who’s travelling with the avatar right?”

“There’s several guys travelling with the avatar.”

You narrowed your eyes at Zuko and he chuckled lowly.

“Guess so,” he said

“Hm.” you tossed a shirt towards him.

“What?” he asked, putting it on.

“Dunno thought you’d be more? Evil looking?” you scrunch your face, framing him with your hands.

“Well what do I look like?”

“Handsome.” you shrugged nonchalantly.

Heat rose to his cheeks as he desperately covered his face for any chance of redemption, “Thanks,” he replied, muffled.

“Mhmm,” you giggled. “Anyways,”

Zuko turned his head to your drawers, where you were standing.

“Do you have any clue where your friends are?”

The firebender sighed, “No. I wish I did.”

“Oh well, I’m sure we’ll find them. Anywho, I’ll leave you to rest now.” you shut the light on your way out.

Zuko sighed when he heard the door click. He shut his eyes for a while, hoping to drift into a deep sleep. The teen tossed and turned, but nothing worked - he felt stuck. And bored. So, extremely, bored. Carefully, he got up and stalked to your window, which was closed by a delicate curtain. Zuko pulled the window back and peeked out. His breath quickened when he witnessed what was occurring outside. During his so called slumber, his friends were located and brought to the village. The gang were all passed out and healing, leaving no experienced warriors to fend off the threat. Azula.

Zuko sprinted out of your room, only to find himself in the maze of your house - unaware as to where the front door was. Eventually, he located a grand door and left out of it, then running to the attacker. There, he began getting into stance, his injuries making it more difficult. Just as he was about to release a flame, sand flew from all sorts of directions - blinding everyone nearby. Frantically, he covered his eyes and fell to the ground. He was left with only his senses of touch and hearing to guide him. In the distance, grunts and flames could be picked up on - although, he didn’t really focus on those. His main concern was finding somewhere he could breathe.

Eventually, the sand dropped, and Azula and Co were nowhere to be found. In the middle of the battlefield, you stood high and proud, your chest heaving. Zuko got up and looked around, only to find his friends standing not too far. Aang ran towards the firebender and gave him a massive hug.

“ZUKO! We thought we lost you!”

After the group had all given eachother ‘oh my god, you’re not dead?’ hugs, they all turned their attention to you. You stood in the middle of the battlefield, out of breath.

“Y’know, we could do with another earthbender on the team,” Toph joked, kicking the sand.

“You’re right!” Aang replied, missing the sarcasm. “HEY! YOU!”

You looked around then signalled to yourself and tilted your head, mouthing ‘me?’

“YEAH!” the avatar said, walking towards you.

“Yeah?

“How do you feel about travelling with us?”

Your face falls, as your brain processes the information.

“I’m 100% serious!”

“Right…” you said, dragging every syllable. “I’ll have to think about it champ.”

“Okay!” Just then, he blew into a whistle, and a huge flying bison flew in. “Appa!”

“Oh my lord. What is that thing?”

“This is Appa!” Sokka said smugly. “I know you might be scared, but fear not! As-” He was cut off by your disappearance.

Whipping his head around, he found you standing before Appa, bouncing in your spot.

“CAN I PET APPA!”

“YES!” Aang replied, just as excited for no apparent reason.

Your hand reached into Appa’s fur, a squeal leaving your lips once you felt how fluffy he was.

“So. Appa gets to travel with you guys daily?”

“Yeah! Pretty cool isn’t it?” Suki replied, and you nodded.

“Alright Avatar guy. I’ll travel with you.”

“Literally.” Sokka said, rubbing his head.

“YAY!”

Shortly after packing a few essentials, you all rode on Appa and soared into the skies.

“Awesome.” you mumbled, entranced by the clouds.

“So you’re a sand bender?” Toph asked.

“Yep.”

“Can you bend normal earth?”

“Uh. no.”

“Why not?”

“Can you bend sand?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Fair enough. I just never really left home.”

“Sad.”

“Shut up.”

At this point, the sun had begun to set, and the view from Appa’s saddle was breathtaking. Although, you still had some questions. You did make an impulse decision.

“So. What’re you guys’ names?”

“... what if we were kidnapping you?”

“Puh-lease. Half of you guys are younger.” you scoffed.

Katara smiled, “fair enough. I’m Katara.”

“I’m Suki, this is my boyfriend Sokka.”

“Toph.”

“I’m Aang, and this is Zuko.”

“I know that one,” you replied.

The avatar grinned at you, “What about you?”

“Yn,”

“Pleasure to meet you!”

You beamed at the airbender, sharing a friendly moment. Just then, you heard a chirp just behind you. Goosebumps covered your skin as you seemingly teleported to the other side of the saddle - conveniently next to Zuko.

“Chill.” Sokka erupted into laughter, “That’s Momo.”

“What is… Momo?”

“A winged lemur!”

“I thought they were extinct.” you said, carefully reaching a few fingers to pet him.

“Awesome right?”

“Aha.”

Momo crawled into your lap, leaning into your touch. “He’s adorable.”

The animal chirped, and you booped his nose, offering a smile.

Zuko was sure his heart would explode, though he wasn’t sure which of you was cuter. Eventually, Appa landed and everyone got off. As you peered over the edge, it suddenly set in how high up that jump would be.

“Yn!” the firebender called.

You directed your vision towards him, “I’ll help you get down.”

You nodded, throwing your legs over the edge and twisting your body so you were holding onto the saddle. Zuko looked around, noticing the gang went further away to set up, and called again to you: “Let go.”

“HUH?”

“I promise. I’ll catch you.”

You flushed at the thought before closing your eyes and letting go. Honestly, you felt like you had died. An ‘oof’ left your lips as you fell into Zuko’s arms, and you opened your eyes to see his face not too far from yours. Your breath hitched as you stared into his golden eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his gravelly voice squeezing your heart

“Yeah,” you said slowly.

Your mind feels blank, the only thought passing your brain is ‘since when was Zuko so pretty?’

Suddenly, you realise the position you were in, and quickly spring out of his hold.

“Ahem. Thanks Zuko!” you said awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck.

He nodded in acknowledgement, and aided you in retrieving your stuff from the bison’s saddle. Shortly after, you both moved towards the direction of where the gang were, an unnerving silence settling as you both processed newly found emotions.

“Okay, we’re camping here tonight.” Sokka said, stretching.

Hums of agreement passed around the group. Aang and Katara walked together to set up a campfire to cook, Sokka set up some tents before going fishing, and Toph earthbent a small fence to stop creatures from intruding. You and Zuko went to collect sticks. During the walk, you and him often brushed hands - though it wasn’t purposeful. Everytime it would happen, he would immediately look away from you, which left you questioning why he was so, shy? Anywho, once you got to a heavily tree populated area, you picked up a few twigs and logs - zuko mirroring that - and began your journey back.

“So,”

“So.”

“What’d you like to do for fun?” it was a dumb question, but alas, small talk was not your strong suit.

“Oh… nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Mhm,”

“That sounds miserable.” you looked at Zuko again, “I take you as a knitting kinda guy.”

“Knitting?”

“Yeah!”

“How so?”

“Well, you seem cool and mysterious on the outside, but really you're a big softy. Those kinda vibes.”

Zuko nudged you with his shoulder, “I am not a softy.”

“Mm I bet,” you laughed.

“Well. What do you like to do for fun?”

“Hm. I like to bend little things.”

He stared at you, confused.

“Wait, I worded that wrong. I meant sand like sand bending tiny structures.” he nodded in a ‘sure’ kinda way, which earned a punch to the shoulder from you.

After a comfortable moment of silence, Zuko spoke his mind.

“You sure did agree to come way too easily.”

“I guess I did. Life at home is kinda boring, plus who could pass up seeing your face daily,” you shrugged again.

This left the firebender so incredibly perplexed. Are you flirting? He couldn’t ask anyone from the gang in case they would tell you he asked, so he had to consider it himself. Or maybe ask you directly.

“Are you flirting with me?”

Your face dropped at the lack of social understanding. “Zuko. Honey.”

“So you’re just being friendly?” if you weren’t holding the logs you would have face-palmed by now.

“No, Zuko, I am flirting with you.”

“Oh. Okay.” he smiled, leading you to believe he liked it too.

If you were being honest, you knew Zuko was into you, but you were worried about your own feelings - scared you only liked the attention. You didn’t want to hurt the firebender after all.

The camp seemed to get closer in your vision as you neared the forest clearing, chatter from the gang filling the silence. You waved at Katara as you neared, who signalled for you and Zuo to drop the logs on the campfire. As you put away the wood, the firebender placed one of his hands in front of you - the other lighting the fire. Your heart soared as you watched his arm flex, the view was impeccable. The way his hair flopped as he moved his head, and his eyes concentrated on the flame - and most importantly, his desire to protect you. It was such a simple act of love, but coming from a place where you were the protector, not the defenceless. Zuko turned to you after, the embers of the fire illuminating his face, but really it was his stupid little smile that light up your heart. The way his eyes shrunk and his smile became wide. Slowly, he retracted his hand, and his smile softened. Your lips were parted slightly, completely entranced by the firebender. You snapped out of your lovesick moment, and smiled, before walking towards Toph. You plopped down next to her with a huff, as you dropped your head into your hands.

“His heart rate was high too, you know.”

You looked at the small earthbender. “No, I didn’t know that.”

A smile graced your features as you punched Toph in the chest, “Don’t you know it’s rude to eavesdrop?”

“Hey!” she laughed along.

Aang called everyone to eat, you and Toph got up from the rock and moved towards the fire. You chose a random log all alone and sat there, getting passed a bowl.

“Is this seat taken?” Zuko whispered.

Your eyes sparkled as you smiled, “N-”

“Yes.” Toph said, sitting where Zuko was about to.

He swallowed thickly and sat next to the Beifong, away from you. Toph snickered as she sensed his annoyance. You rolled your eyes, but it never hurt to sit next to Toph - she seemed to have a soft spot for you anyways. As everyone settled, and the conversations died down, you quietly slurped on your noodles.

“Hey Yn?”

“Hm?”

“D’you have any fun stories from home?”

You thought for a second, “Nope, not really.”

“Nothing? That’s so sad.”

“Sokka, I literally lived in the middle of nowhere. What’d you think?”

“I guess I didn’t think that through.”

You hummed in agreement, before continuing to indulge in your noodles. A smile graced your features as you tried the ramen, Toph laughed as she realised this must've been your first time.

“Do you like it?” she whispered.

“Yeah!” you replied, “I love it!”

Zuko eyed you as you happily ate. It was a straightforward meal, not too much of anything - quite plain really, but originating in a deserted area with limited food variety - it was something new. Something fascinating, something finally flavorful. It was adorable how much you were surprised by some noodles. His vision fell back on his food, as the familiar feeling of love crept in.

A good few minutes passed, and everyone began clean ups. The plates were stacked neatly, and any other cutlery was sorted into bags to be cleaned by the waterbenders. You sighed as you tied the final bag, stretching as soon as it was out of your grip. A gentle yawn escaped from your lips, eliciting a visit to Sokka to ask where you were sleeping.

“Hey Sokka.”

“Hm? Oh hi Yn!”

“I was just wondering, where am I sleeping?”

“Shoot. I actually didn’t consider that.”

“What.”

“Uh.. you could share with someone!”

“You’re hilarious.” your hands rested loosely on your hips.

“That I am.” he said smugly, “But for real you should ask someone.” “I’d rather die.”

“Then what’re you gonna do?”

“I’ll figure something out, thanks anyways.”

“Yeah okay,” he laughed.

You decided to walk around, making yourself look busy so nobody asked where you were residing for the night. Suki and Sokka entered a shared tent, Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Toph each entered their own tents, respectively. Deciding to relax a bit, you headed down the cliff to a secluded beach. You plopped down onto the pale sand and laid down on your elbows. You reached one arm out to grab the sand, bending it into a heart shape. You tilted your head as you thought of another design - a flame! You bent a tiny, cartoon-y flame and smiled to yourself. “I’m so good at this.”

“You are.” a voice agreed.

Sand flew from all around the beach and covered the individual, blinding them.

“Zuko?” you came to your senses and dropped the sand - none of it sticking because you were so nice.

“Sorry,” he laughed, “I didn't mean to scare you.”

You rolled your eyes at him, “What are you doing here anyways?”

“I was wondering why you weren’t going to bed.”

You felt bad for worrying him, but then again, sleeping in an earth tent sounded uncomfortable and plain painful.

“Wasn’t sleepy.”

He narrowed his eyes at you, “Sure,”

Zuko paused waiting for you to explain your lie, and when you didn’t, he did it for you.

“I noticed you didn’t have a tent.”

“Oh really? I didn’t even notice haha.” you punctuated the sentence with an awkward laugh.

The firebender rolled his eyes and stuck out his hand. You held his hand, albeit in a confused manner, and he led you out of the cave. You weren’t really focused on where exactly he was taking you, more of the journey. His hands felt rough, yet so incredibly gentle against yours, his other hand reached out and held a fire in front of him, lighting the path for the both of you. Your shoes felt a bit too thin above the terrain, you could feel every single rock, you’d have to get new shoes eventually. The mixed scents of fire and wet greenery flooded your nose, a few different flower scents mixing in.

“Here,” he muttered, carefully not to scare you with his sudden speaking.

You were back at the campsite, in front of a lonely red tent.

“I’ll sleep outside. Make yourself comfortable.” Zuko rubbed his neck awkwardly.

“In your tent?” your body suddenly felt warmth flood throughout it.

The firebender nodded, a friendly smile on his face.

“Nonsense. That’s your tent!”

“Yeah but it’s fine I’ll manage,”

“No! You can’t just sleep in the wild.”

The firebender opened his mouth to say something, but immediately closed it, clearly not having thought this through. Suddenly, an idea passed through your head. Your hand reached into the tent, and examined the space inside. Big enough. You signalled with your other arm for Zuko to come in - and that he did. “Here,” you sighed, “We’ll just share.”

Zuko’s face turned a bright shade of red, as he internalised what you just said.

“Are- are you sure? Honestly I can just-”

“I’m sure Zuko. only if you’re fine with it.”

He nodded sharply, and watched as you laid down. Soon after, he joined you under the covers. You both stared at the roofing of the tent, a sigh escaping your parted lips. You turned your head gently to him, he followed in pursuit.

“Thank you,” you whispered with a smile.

Zuko’s breath hitched as he drank your presence, from the ethereal sparkle in your eye, to your perfectly shaped nose. You tilted your head slightly, shrinking under his watchful gaze. Immediately, as if it snapped him to reality, he pulled the string to shut the lamp. A giggle escaped your lips, as the seemingly recurring pink tinged the teenager’s face.

“Shut up.” the boy muttered.

You smiled wide at the clear embarrassment, “Didn’t say anything.”

A short pause flooded the atmosphere.

“Good night Yn.”

“G’night Zuko,” another smile graced his face.

Afterwards, he rolled to the other direction and shut his irises. Sleep approaching at a steady pace. Maybe a little too fast. And just like that - Zuko fell asleep, soft snores escaping his mouth.

The night was long, and so very cold. But alas, it was definitely comfortable.

The sun rose to the sky slowly, wildlife beginning to wake up. Howls, squeaks, coos, and chitters, were audible. The sunlight filtered through the tent cover, penetrating your translucent eyelids. You yawned, your eyes fluttering open. You lifted yourself to a sitting position to stretch, only to be stopped by a weight against your waist. Quickly pulling the covers down, you discovered that it was not a weight, but, as a matter of fact, Zuko’s arm. His limb was lazily wrapped around your middle. Your eyes ran to Zuko’s face, praying he was still out cold, thankfully, he was. Your pupils scanned his expression, a slight furrow resided between his eyebrows (supposedly due to your movements), his brown hair messily spread out on his features, covering his prominent scar. Slowly, his breathing quickened as he stirred out of a seemingly deep slumber. The arm that was on your waist rose to rub his tired eyes, as he groaned. Zuko attempted (emphasis on attempted) to use his other arm, only to feel a pressure on it. Looking across, he noticed his arm was under you, and you stared at him in complete shock. Immediately, you moved away and he pulled his arm back slowly, considering where it had been.

“Good morning,” Zuko rasped, his morning voice sparking butterflies in your stomach.

“Good morning,” you replied, eyes wandering.

A yawn could be heard as he muttered the next line, “How’d you sleep?”

Oh. So he was choosing to ignore Elephant-rhino in the room. Cool.

“I slept okay. You?” Zuko sat up and rubbed his face gently.

He nodded to signify ‘yeah’.

You smiled at Zuko, mumbling a thank you as you left the tent. Sokka stared at you inconspicuously.

“Why were you in Zuko’s tent?” he said, dragging the ‘y’ in ‘why’.

“Me? Oh! Just uh! Waking him up!”

“Why? It’s like, mega early.”

“Why are you awake then, meathead?”

“I’m prepping the food today,” he grinned proudly, before immediately shrieking as the food burnt.

You moved behind him to retrieve a bucket to fill in the lake. As you moved past the watertribe teenager, he grabbed your arms.

“Is there something going on with you and Zuko?”

Your eyes immediately widened, you wish you knew the answer.

“No? What makes you think that?”

Sokka leaned in real close and whispered, “You smell like him,”

You immediately stepped back, coughing awkwardly and walking away, Sokka laughing in the background.

“No? What makes you think that?” Zuko, who had overheard, repeated to himself, reminding him that you two were just friends. Nothing more. He tried to gaslight himself into believing this is what he wanted, but no, the heaviness in his heart weighed on his self esteem. As he left his tent and waved at Sokka, stalking to the woods to retrieve some sort of food, he continued to ponder just why you didn’t like him - nitpicking at each of his troubling insecurities. Maybe his hair was too long, or his scar was ugly, maybe he wasn’t muscular enough? Possibly didn’t have soft enough hands, or he was too warm or that he was a firebender or that he was plain evil or that- When did the waterworks start? Swiftly, he wiped his tears, a strained sniffle paired along. Deciding it was best to take a break, he walked across the river - using rocks to help him get across, and sat under a tree, using the foliage as partial shade under the scorching hot sun. Zuko brought his knees to his chest, his hand reaching down to play with the grass. Gazing at the trees opposite him, the firebender saw a person’s silhouette. You.

As you finally reached your destination, you threw your fist into the air. After many detours and wrong routes - the river was finally close enough to taste. Your tired legs carried you towards the water stream, and your arms grasped the bucket tightly. Humming a tune, you gently submerged the tub under the cold liquid. You pulled the bucket back up, noises of discomfort leaving your mouth as the heavy bucket was lifted onto the greenery. You huffed out a short breath of air, before standing back up and making your way back to the campsite. Zuko looked to the side sadly, contemplating his feelings towards you. Is he really this pathetic?. He went from a prince to a teenager with a silly crush? Life is so unfair. Sighing, he got his act together and got up - he would have to be better. The way back to the ‘residential’ area was rather peaceful and Zuko made a conscious effort to block out intrusive thoughts. The tents seemed to be getting closer, and eventually he finally made it back. He tossed the few berries he mindlessly picked up on the way back (so much as to not come back empty handed), and made his way to the middle - where Aang was.

“Zuko! There you are! We were just about to have breakfast and then we’ll make our way to our next hiding spot!”

“Hiding spot?”

“Well yeah,” the avatar rubbed his neck sheepishly, he didn’t usually call it a hiding spot, “We kinda figured we need to keep it on the downlow before the comet.”

“Fair enough. Any clue as to where we’re gonna hide?”

“Not a clue.”

“We need somewhere inconspicuous, somewhere secluded, FAR FROM THE FIRELORD!” Sokka stroked his chin, becoming louder as the sentence unfolds.

“How about Ember Island?” Zuko shrugged, kindly accepting a bowl of berries from Katara - as she handed everyone some.

“RIght under his nose?” Toph added.

“That sounds like a death wish!” Sokka yelled at Zuko.

“No wait, maybe he’s right. Listen if you were looking for your enemy, would you really look in your own house?”

“I guess not.”

“We’re going to Ember Island!”

Well, that was in the morning. Now, it’s past midnight, and the gang are guiding Appa. Actually, scrap that, guiding is a long shot, it was more like they were sleeping on Appa. The young airbender had been attempting to assist the giant creature in his sleep deprived state, but alas, he fell asleep. Which caused you to make your next decision. Smoothly, you replaced Aang (helping him lay on the saddle instead), and began to direct the flying bison.

“Do you even know where Ember Island is?”

That thought hadn’t occurred to you.

“No,” you extended the word.

A chuckle came from behind, before you heard some shuffling. Zuko slid down to Appa’s head, and you schootched over. As he went to grab the lead, his hands brushed yours in a feather light manner. His eyes snapped up quickly, and he was met with a slightly distressed expression on your face.

“You okay?” he said, worried.

“No.” With brows furrowed, he waited for you to resume, “Zuko, what are we?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well it’s just that, you’re giving me mixed signals man. I feel like you like me but you don’t like me, but you do but you don’t! I’m so sick and tired of it. So, please, tell me, how do you really feel?”

Zuko gulped, not expecting this.

“I-” you held your breath, “I don’t know,”

You sighed tiredly.

“Do you know?”

“I do Zuko. I like you.”

Zuko’s mind ran laps, he did know. There was never any question that he liked- no loved you. He loved the way your eyes sparkled, and the way you could talk for hours and he would never get bored, he adored your voice which could lull him to sleep in seconds. Moral of the story, he just loved you. The firebender stared at you, breath quickening. As you both looked into each other's eyes, he slowly leaned in. Once close enough, he flashed a look to your eyes before shutting his and slotting his lips into yours. The kiss was fast, a question if anything. A question to fate. And at that second, Zuko knew his fate, it was you. You were his light, his knight in shining armour - granted he hasn’t known you long, but getting to know you in the past few days was magical. Infact, he would say it was love at first sight. He’s loved you since you saved him.

Your lips separated, butterflies inhabiting his stomach as much as they were yours’. Were Zuko’s eyes always this pretty? You felt like you could get lost in them for days, as cliche as it is.

Soulmates were an iffy topic to you, were. You knew better now.

You knew better now.

An: Thanks for reading :)

[sixstepsaway]

follow up to the two-part persona ask, I do also wonder if Izzy missed or misplaced the significance of “haven’t tried dying yet” because he mentally classifies every harebrained break from the maintenance of Blackbeard as ‘Edward’s Gonna Get Us All Killed If I Don’t Pay Clean This Up’, constantly being *in* a state of nearly dying- therefore when Ed actually *does* fuck up the date, izzy cant ‘fix’ it, having been reassured ed wasn’t too bad off by the oh plan to Kill Blackbeard and be Bonnet.

This got lost in my box somehow because I am positive I was awake 11hours ago but somehow I did not see this? Okay, whatever, at least it made it to me eventually lmao

I'm going to show you some caps from that scene because I promise you Izzy felt the full depth of "haven't tried dying yet" and just went into instant denial over it because of how painful the concept was to him.

(Tumblr: You can only have 10 images sorry. Me: I will dual you outside of a chick-fil-a, square up.)

I'd like to note here that Ed, much like the rest of us Mentally Ill Bitches, knows there's something wrong with him. "I shouldn't be bored. I'm fucking Blackbeard." He knows something is fucked up in that skull of his, but unfortunately it's 1717 and he's a man so he can't be diagnosed with hysteria and nothing else has really been deduced yet, so he's stuck just knowing his head's a mess and he can't fix it. Which, uh, is a really fucking depressing thought actually!

Izzy is also the one that gives Ed the idea of suicide, and that's... a whole new thing for Izzy to have to chew on, you know?

First time I went back through this scene, I focused on the fact Ed hones in on suicide as a notion to end his boredom, then meets Stede and, before Stede introduces him to the idea of retirement, he tells him he's 'been thinking of packing it all in', implying he's been genuinely considering yeeting himself into the abyss. Which was painful in itself.

But rewatching this scene with the singular purpose of honing in on Izzy and Con O'Neill's excellent micro expression acting even in the shots where he's turned away or blurry?

Agonizing, thank you.

This one especially. The furrow in his brow. The soft intensity in his eye. He's just heard his #1 person in the world say he's thinking dying could be the next big adventure because he can't stand living anymore and he inadvertently put the idea in his head. Babygirl is suffering.

God, this shot.

And then, coming back to my Cinematography Commentary™, this is another long shot from far away that makes you feel how isolated and alone Izzy feels. Delightful!

And then he writes it off and goes into denial because what else is he meant to do there? And goes to put the little ship away respectfully because Edward likes it lmao.

So: Missed or misplaced? No. Went into instant denial because it was too much for his already traumatized brain to bear? Absolutely. We talk a lot about how Izzy already has his own trauma and mental illness, whether it's from headcanons like @treesofgreen's re: sa, or just from a long life of piracy which has been established to be fucking terrible (beatings etc from Hornigold) and Izzy's clear class dynamics, but we don't really talk about his trauma and mental illness in relation to managing Ed's, and honestly? It's not a surprise that there's a step too far for Izzy's brain to handle and it's, "Edward wants to kill himself."

therefore when Ed actually *does* fuck up the date, izzy cant ‘fix’ it, having been reassured ed wasn’t too bad off by the oh plan to Kill Blackbeard and be Bonnet.

The plan to kill Stede comes after the lighthouse, so this is a slightly incorrect timeline. Izzy spends this entire episode in a state of "we're all fucking going to die" up until Ed does his flouncy little, "Frankfurters!" declaration in the fog, at which point he's so relieved and happy that Ed is still the genius he knows he is and that Ed had a plan to save them all along, and then Ed says, "Furthermore, it's a full moon--" and Izzy's life turns upside down again because Ed fucked that up and they're all going to die after all.

[taestefully-in-luv]

Always You | JJK (Seven)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 10.1k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (!!!), mention of erection, heated make out, marking, grinding, mentions of suicide:( (If this makes you uncomfortable pls skip), mentions of cheating, quick blowjob, swallowing,

Notes: sorry this chapter is shorter than the last! But we only have 2 chapters left guys! And they are long!!! Sorry in advance lol. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter:) Anyway feel free to send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat about the story:)

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch @not-your-lion @flowersgirl02 @justinetingball @fiantomartell

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook runs his finger through your hair, his mouth hot on your neck as he leaves behind what feels like a million, slow kisses. You taste sweet and he’s reminded of the first time he got to do this with you and his heart swells at the memory. He feels you grind against him, making him impossibly harder as he grinds back. Your moans fill his ears and it sounds like a chorus of sweet, sweet music to him, he can’t help but grin into his kisses. Suddenly, the image of him kissing down your throat becomes blurry and the sound of your whines echo in the distance. He must be waking up.

Jungkook feels you hovering over him with shocked eyes and he can’t help but wonder what’s gotten into you. He can feel his head beginning to throb from the inevitable hang over that wishes to visit and he raises a hand over it. You continue to look down at him and that’s when he notices it. Them. The hickeys that spread across your skin and he goes absolutely pale.

He looks back at you with wide eyes but he can’t help but feel pride bloom all throughout his body as he looks at how he has marked you but those petals quickly shrivel up when he realizes how badly he must have messed up.

“Oh fuck.” He says under his breath.

“Yeah. ‘Oh fuck’” you repeat back.

Jungkook lifts himself up, leaning on his arms as he takes another look at the bruises that cover your skin. He releases a shaky breath contemplating what to say.

“Drunk.” His eyes slide to the side, “We were really…drunk.”

You narrow your eyes for a split second then look at him with ease,

“Yeah…right…drunk.” You quickly agree.

Jungkook and you share a moment of a silence, admiring one another’s work on the other. You hesitantly reach out, your fingers coming in contact with the side of his neck, brushing against his soft skin.

“This ones huge…I’m sorry.” You say, not sounding entirely sorry. A slight smirk graces your features.

“Ha, you don’t look very sorry.” Jungkook grabs a hold of your hand, “Plus, you don’t even want to see what I did to you.”

You retreat your hand back to touch your own skin, you shuffle out of the sheets and stand from the bed. You walk towards the little mirror over by Jungkook’s closet and take a look.

You audibly gasp, the purple marks that spread across your neck and collarbone are ones for the books.

“What the hell Jeon! How am I supposed to walk out of here today! Everyone’s going to see this!” you gesture towards yourself. “Oh my god.” You turn back to look in the mirror. “This is horrible.”

Jungkook leaves the bed to join you at the mirror,

“Holy shit.” He looks at himself, “I’m not any better!” he throws his hands up but he’s laughing. He’s fucking laughing! You watch in disbelief as he chuckles the fucking day away.

You watch him and you can’t help but start to laugh too. This is just so ridiculous.

“Wait wait…” Jungkook calms down, suddenly becoming serious. “We didn’t do anything else…right?”

“Why are you looking at me like that? Shouldn’t you also remember?”

“You’re the girl! Can’t you like tell…if we…” He motions his hands between your bodies.

“Oh my god. No, we didn’t do anything else. Do you really not remember everything?” you ask with a frown.

“I feel like I do…but I was just being you know, sure.”

Jungkook wishes he could remember everything in great detail but the reality is he was really drunk and some moments are hazier than others. Which is a fucking shame because he wants to remember the first moment you caressed his skin to his lips on yours.

“Do you remember everything?”

“I remember enough.” You admit.

You were drunk, yes. But the memory of you and Jungkook is almost crystal clear and fresh in your mind.

“Bottom line is…we were really drunk and drunk people do stuff like that all the time.” Your hands go to your hips, “I mean, I’ve literally made out with Trina before. Don’t feel special.” You wink, your tone is light and teasing and Jungkook finds you amusing.

“Just two drunk idiots.” Jungkook grins. “So no acting weird.”

“I won’t be weird, will you?”

“I’ll try my best.” He chuckles.

“I’m serious Jungkook, we can be cool about this…” you give him a smile, “It’s not like we haven’t—”

“Stop…” Jungkook lifts his hand up, “I get it.” He chuckles awkwardly.

Your small smile fades, your heart pinches. He never wants to talk about it, did he hate it that much?

“Right…” You begin walking closer towards him and he steps back, your heart pinching once again. “Well, lend me a fucking turtle neck or something so I can get outta here.”

Jungkook smirks down at you as he walks to his closet.

“Fine. Hopefully I have two…I have a black and a white one right?” he asks you from inside his closet.

“Shit, I think I have your white one at my place…”

“I don’t think Nick owns any…”

“Why do you need one? Just stay home today.”

“I’m supposed to meet Vanessa later…”

Your heart doesn’t just pinch this time, it sinks. Deep down into your lower belly until its falling to the ground.

“Oh.”

“I’ll find a scarf or some shit.”

“I’ll bring you your white one, don’t worry.”

“Really? Thanks y/n.” Jungkook walks out of his closet smiling at you, his black turtle neck draped over his arm. “Here.” He hands it over to you.

“Turn around.”

Jungkook raises a brow at you until realization hits him.

“Okay.” He whispers out.

You quickly change into the long sleeve shirt and let Jungkook know he can turn back around.

“I feel like I should make you breakfast or something…” Jungkook scratches the back of his neck, standing here awkwardly.

“Really Jungkook?” you laugh out, “And what would you make me?”

“I think Nick has some toaster waffles.” Jungkook offers with a grin.

“I’m good. I’m gonna head out but I will be back with your shirt!”

“Sounds good, I’ll walk you out.”

You two nod at one another, exiting the bedroom and walking towards the front door. You stop to say goodbye and Jungkook steps into your space, wrapping his arms around you.

“See you in a bit.” He whispers.

“Yeah.” You pull back and smile at him. “See you in a bit.”

~~~~~

“Why the fuck are you wearing a black turtle neck in the middle of August?”

It’s Trina, if you haven’t guessed. It’s the first thing you hear when you step into your apartment, she is over to hang with Holly you’re assuming.

“I was a bit chilly.” You lie through your teeth, giving her a strained smile.

“Take it off.” Trina commands.

“Trina…” Holly warns softly, she’s got her hand on Trina’s shoulder and you can’t help but giggle.

“Wait, your date was last night, right? With this ‘Min Yoongi’? Ooooh, did things go well?” Trina whistles out.

“It wasn’t a date, I already told you…” you whine as you walk into the living room, sitting on the sofa.

“But it did go well! I had a really nice time.” You admit softly, smiling at the memory of your ‘thank you outing’. “He’s so cool and so sweet.” Your eyes light up, “He owns the record shop a few shops away from the bakery!”

“Owns it? Like it’s his?” Holly asks, she shares a pleased smile with Trina.

“Yes, like it’s his.”

“He sounds like a man. Marry him.” Trina gives you an aggresive thumbs up.

“Chill dude.” You laugh. “I think he and I could become really good friends…and…”

“And?”

“Well, you never know.” Your eyes shift to the side as you smirk. “The world is full of mystery.”

Trina smiles brightly, “So you’re saying there’s a chance?”

“I’m saying that there’s not not a chance…”

“I’LL TAKE IT!” Trina lifts up Holly’s hand and high fives herself with it. “Whatever isn’t Jungkook.” She finishes with a grin and you feel your whole body go stiff.

“Trina…” you frown, “I really don’t like when you say stuff like that. Jungkook is a good person. He just…he messed up, yes. But he’s trying.”

“He hurt you.” Trina’s tone goes serious. “How could you forgive him for that?”

“I’m trying too. But I am able to try because I know him…he wouldn’t just hurt me without him having his own reasons…and I love him, T. Like as friends, of course but also…”

“I know.” Trina goes soft, “I know.”

Holly clasps her hands together, “And that’s that! How about we make some food and chit chat some more over some mimosas!”

“I love that idea.” You say.

“But seriously girl, please go change out of that turtle neck…you’re making me sweat just looking at you.” Trina says.

Right, the turtle neck. You told Jungkook you would drop off his white one…well, you gotta find it first.

“Okay, but I have to run an errand first then we can hang.”

“An errand?” Both girls look at you quizzically.

“Don’t worry about it.” Great, now you sound like Jungkook.

~~~~~

Within the hour you are quickly dropping off Jungkook’s shirt off at his place and going back to yours. He answered the door in nothing but his towel again and you tried so hard not to drool. You recall the night before when your fingers were dragging down his chest and his toned stomach. You felt every ab beneath your fingertips. Fuck, that felt good. You’re home now, you shake your head trying to rid yourself of thoughts of Jungkook’s body. But with a body like that? It’s so so hard. Just like how he was…STOP. You shake off these thoughts and try to pay attention to what Holly is saying.

“—And then I turned it in anyway and still got an A!”

“That’s amazing Holly.” You say, trying to act like you weren’t just having impure thoughts.

“Yeah, you totally kick ass.” Trina says.

You girls are a few mimosas in, you feel the champagne starting to work its wonderful magic on you but unfortunately it is making you start to sweat. You want to take off this damn turtleneck.

“I’ll be right back.” You say quickly before retreating to your bedroom. You find a baggy t-shirt and slip it on. This feels much better! But god damn. These marks on your skin are something else. You rush to the bathroom and try to cover some with makeup but it’s hardly helping. Fuck.

“Welp, maybe they won’t notice.” You whisper to yourself.

You walk back out into the living room and you notice both Holly and Trina’s eyes go comically wide.

“Wow, that date did go better than you thought!” Trina starts whooping and hollering.

“Wow y/n.” Holly really does look shocked.

Okay, so maybe they did notice. You feel so self conscious all of the sudden, your hands flying up to your neck to cover yourself.

“It’s—It’s not what it looks like.” You stammer out.

“It looks like this Yoongi guy is really into marking!” Trina yells out with a grin.

“Yoongi is really into marking…” Holly eyes you with horror in her eyes.

“Yoongi! Yoongi! Yoongi!” Trina begins chanting, she looks over at Holly and lightly taps her thigh to get her to start chanting the name as well.

“Guys…” You whine into your hands, “It wasn’t Yoongi.” You must be admitting that because you’ve had a few mimosas.

Silence. The room falls undeniably quiet.

“Wait what?” Trina asks, her wide grin beginning to fade.

“Did you meet with someone else last night?” Holly begins to pry.

“Did you go to a bar or something and meet a rando?”

“Did you bump into someone on the street?”

“Did you call up and old boyfriend? An old hookup?”

“Guys!” You yell out, “I met up with Jungkook last night!”

Once again, the room goes silent.

“You what?” Trina asks plainly, “What does that have to do with the hickeys on your neck?”

“Really Trina?” your head falls into your hands, “We kind of…”

“You guys fucked? Really?” Trina’s serious tone is back.

“No! We just got really drunk and made out! That’s it!”

“But is that really it for you?” To your surprise, it’s Holly who asks this.

“It’s fine. We were just drunk. We decided not to be weird about it. And we won’t.”

“How can you be sure of that?” Trina asks, her voice gone soft.

“Because I will text him in a few days, he’s going to text back. Or I’ll call and he will answer like normal. I’ll ask to hang out or something and we will just be two friends who hang. It will go just like that!”

Except it doesn’t go like that at all. A few days pass and you decided to text Jungkook in the morning after you woke up. You don’t expect to hear back from him for a couple of hours since he will probably sleep in. But hours and hours go by and it’s the afternoon now and you still haven’t heard from him.

“You have reached the voicemail box of…” You click the end button on your phone again for like, the 6thtime. Why isn’t Jungkook answering? It’s a Wednesday afternoon, you know you remember him saying he had today off for some reason so what is he up to? Even if he was with Vanessa, would he really ignore you like this? 6 calls in a row?

You decide to try Jimin, maybe they’re together. You look him up in your ‘Favorites’ and click clack away to calling him. After several rings the boy finally answers,

“Hey.” He says somewhat out of breath, “I’m working, what’s up?”

“Hey it’s nothing really…” you begin, “But have you heard from Jungkook…? I can’t get a hold of him…”

“Huh? No? Maybe he’s just, I don’t know, busy babe.” You can hear Jimin directing some poor child of his wrong moves on the other side of the phone.

“Look, I gotta go. But just try again in a little while, okay?”

“Can you try calling him for me?”

“Huh? Uh, sure. I’ll let you know later. Love you, bye.” Jimin hangs up and you’re left with your phone to your ear, talking to no one.

It’s Wednesday evening now, you and Holly are sharing a pie while watching some weird show on Netflix that Holly insists is good. You’re three episodes in and you’re starting to wonder when the ‘good’ part happens. It’s mostly just been weird but Holly seems invested in it. You’re trying to keep your mind busy, the thought of Jungkook making you feel antsy. You just wanted to call and see if he wanted to chill together…to prove things aren’t going to be weird between you two. Is he really going to be so fucking immature? Big deal, you made out. But to go this far to ignore you? You can’t help but feel so fucking anxious. He won’t ghost you again right?

You mindlessly stick your fork in the pie repeatedly when you feel your phone buzz. Thank God, some sort of reason to look away from this show, you think.

Jimin 6:22pm

Hey, I got a hold of Jungkook…

What the hell? So he answered to Jimin?!

Jimin 6:22pm

It’s probably best to let him be today babe, today is…not a good day

You click off your phone and throw it on the cushion to your side because what the hell does that mean? Not a good day? If he’s not having a good day then shouldn’t he like, lean on you? Wait, you’re asking for too much right? You mean, you’re the one who set boundaries. But if he’s having a bad day why ignore you? You throw the fork in the pie and set it next to Holly, she looks at you mortified that you would just throw your fucking fork. You stand to your feet and start heading to your room.

“Uh, where are you going? Things are just getting good.” Holly whines.

“I’ll be back in a little while Hol, just gotta do something real quick.” You call out from behind you, entering your room to change into some clean clothes.

Once you’re ready you grab your purse and your keys and head towards the front door, and out to your car.

It’s a really quick drive to Jungkook’s apartment, he lives so close to you it’s ridiculous. He couldn’t find an apartment that was further away from his old one? Well, still…you’re grateful it’s a short drive. You wonder how you’ll confront Jungkook. He isn’t the best at opening up so you have to go about this strategically. But knowing you, you’ll be anything but strategic. It’s just with Jungkook you really have to force it out of him—whatever it is. Even then you may get nothing.

You find a parking spot a little a ways from the building, it’s a nice refreshing two minute walk to get inside to find and ride the elevator. You remember riding this elevator with nick and oh god, cringe. You cringe so fucking hard. Speak of the devil, he’s who answers the front door after your insistent knocking.

“Oh hey y/n. What’s up?” Nick’s eyes dart from you to the rest of the hallway. “Is it just you?” he asks, “Jungkook isn’t here…”

“Can I wait inside until he gets home?” you blurt out.

“Uh, sure…” Nick opens the door wider for you to enter. You breeze past him, taking off your shoes at the entrance and make your way to the couch. Damn, you are a woman on a mission.

“Can I get you some water?” Nick offers as he closes the door.

“Sure.”

Nick comes into the living room with a glass full of water and you couldn’t be more grateful. You didn’t even realize how dry your mouth has gotten, the anticipation of Jungkook’s arrival making you nervous.

“Do you know where he went?” you take the glass from Nick and gulp down like half the glass. “He hasn’t answered me all day.”

“Wait, he doesn’t know you’re here?” Nick asks in panicked surprise. “Should you really be here? He might be with Vanessa or like, coming back with her…”

“It’s fine. I’m waiting, is that okay?” you nibble on your lips, waiting for his response.

“Yeah, I guess.” Nick shrugs, “I’ll be in my room if that’s okay? You can watch whatever on TV or like, whatever.” He smiles at you, gesturing towards the TV.

“I’ll be fine Nick.” You smile back.

More than an hour passes, a god damn miserable hour of you sitting on Jungkook and Nicks couch when you finally hear the front door being unlocked. Jungkook.

You straighten up when you hear the door beginning to open, the soft creak sounding a million times louder in your ears.

Jungkook walks through and you notice he is alone, and you sigh in relief. His shoulders are slumped and his head hangs low as he takes his shoes off and you immediately sink in your spot. What’s with him? So, you stand to your feet and clear your throat and he doesn’t even flinch. He just continues walking inside, finding his way into the kitchen. You watch as he opens up a cabinet and reaches for a glass, next he’s fishing the fridge for some fresh water and filling up his cup. He takes a few sips of his water before his dark eyes find you.

“What are you doing here?” his low voice sends a shiver down your spine.

“You went ghost on me today…I was worried.” You leave the living room to walk into the kitchen as well.

“I…” he begins as he sets the glass on the counter. “I didn’t ghost you.”

“How could I be so sure?” you step closer to him, “How come you answered Jimin but not me?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen at your words, like a deer caught in headlights. He blinks at you repeatedly until he tries forming words.

“It’s nothing personal.” He settles for. “Can we talk tomorrow, y/n?”

“Where did you go today?” God, why do you sound like some weird, possessive girlfriend? You cringe at your own words.

“It doesn’t matter.” Jungkook’s eyes darken again, his voice low.

“It matters to me.”

Jungkook looks down at the floor and you notice him take a few deep breaths, like he is struggling to find a steady one.

“Talk to me, Jungkook.” You reach out to him, your fingers finding his and he flinches at your touch. “What’s wrong? Please talk to me.”

“I….” Jungkook’s voice cracks and you wish you could bring him in to hug you but you don’t. You just let him continue.

“I…have nothing to say.”

Oh. Of course. Of fucking course. Of course Jungkook chooses to stay silent. Of course he chooses not to talk to you.

“Is it Vanessa?” you finally find the courage to ask, “Did you two break—”

“No, we’re fine.” He cuts in. Jungkook frees himself from your hand and looks up at you with a strained smile, “I’m fine, y/n.”

Now, you shouldn’t feel upset. Or angry. But you do, you fucking do. It’s been almost 4 years of this same bullshit where he cannot open up to you and its starting to feel insulting.

“You’re…” you step closer to him again but he takes a step back until he’s backed into the counter. “You aren’t fine. Please talk to me, Jungkook.” You try to say calmly but you think the rage is a little evident in your voice.

“Nothing to talk about.”

“Is it because I’m a girl?”

Jungkook tilts his head to the side, not knowing what you mean by that. Yeah, that was a stupid thing to assume but you aren’t smart right now.

“You can’t confide in girls because you have trust issues? You know, because of your mom…how she left you…”

“Stop.”

“That’s it right?” You volume increases as your anger shows, “Are you fucking serious? When have I ever made you feel like you couldn’t trust me? When have I ever fucking left you?”

“Shut up.”

“No! And yeah your mom left you so you like, don’t trust girls I guess but god damn, Jungkook maybe it’s time to get over—”

“I said shut up!” Jungkook’s voice rises to a volume you have never experienced with him before.

“Have you tried looking for her?” you continue to speak, not realizing you are making everything worse.

“I know where she is.” He states, his nostrils flaring.

You flail your arms around, “Then go fucking talk to her.”

Jungkook looks at you with an unreadable expression, his shoulders to his ears and his fists balled up at his sides. He’s quiet. Too quiet. His breaths are beyond shaky and you finally notice it.

Jungkook’s eyes are glossed over and you think you may have gone too far. His lip begins trembling and he tries to speak but no words come out. He struggles to speak to you and it makes you blink at him like an idiot. Why can’t he speak?

“Jung—”

Jungkook lifts a hand up to stop you from talking any further. He inhales sharp breaths and releases shaky ones. His eyes are full of tears but none fall. He stares down at the ground just trying to do something as easy as breathing, but he falls short.

“Jung—”

“Please.” He croaks out. Jungkook walks to the couch and sits down, his head falling into his hands and you aren’t entirely sure at first but after a few moments you really realize…he is softly and quietly crying. Your Jungkook who never cries in front of anyone is sitting on his living room couch crying. You’re speechless. You also don’t know what to do. Do you try to comfort him? Do you leave him alone? But how could you leave him alone when he sits on his fucking living room couch sniffling away?

You hesitantly walk towards the sofa and take a seat next to him. He doesn’t lift his head to look at you, just continues crying into his hands. You don’t have to think about it, you reach your hand to rub soothing circles on his back and start whispering words of comfort in his ear.

Several moments pass when Jungkook finally lifts his head from his hands, but he still doesn’t look at you.

“Mom…” he clears his throat. “Mom didn’t just leave us. She left everything. She left me.”

“I know Jungkook…I’m sorry… I just lashed out on you, you can heal at your own pace and if she wants to see you again, she will.” You continue to rub his back.

“No, you don’t get it.” Jungkook murmurs. “Mom was hurting a lot. You know?” he begins to get choked up, his throat burning.

“Dad cheated, yes. But he was also neglectful of her and she was in a lot of pain,” he sniffs repeatedly, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

“She felt like she had no one, not even me.” Jungkook face scrunches up as he resists more tears.

“She couldn’t even rely on me.”

Fuck. You know where this is going. It is all starting to make sense.

“Mom killed herself when I was 16.” Jungkook finally says, his voice barely above a whisper, like he was too afraid to say it out loud. Like it made it more real.

“Dad didn’t take it well…he started drinking and I rarely saw him around…I had to take care of myself.” Jungkook finally lets the tears fall.

“I hated him. I still do.” Jungkook clenches his jaw.

You sit on the couch unable to comprehend what Jungkook has gone through. You feel like the biggest bitch alive. You forced your best friend to reopen his wounds in front of you and you had the audacity to pour salt in them.

“Jungkook I’m so—”

“Forget it.” He’s quick to cut you off. You stare at him with wide eyes, your own tears staining your cheeks.

“Please leave me alone for a while.” He whispers and immediately you stop him from rising from the couch.

“No!” you pull him back down. He doesn’t even resist, he falls back to your side and you lead his head to rest on your beating chest.

“I’m here for you, Jungkook.”

And that’s it. That’s what it took for Jungkook to scrunch and twist his face until more tears begin flowing out of his swollen eyes. He cries into your shirt, wetting the material.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” You pat his head, your fingers weaving through his dark locks.

Jungkook cries like this for several minutes, until he’s wiping away his tears and snot with his shirt sleeve. He rises from your chest and looks at you with a painful expression.

“Today is mom’s birthday.” He admits.

Fuck.

“I went to her grave today…” he sniffles, “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before. It’s just…” he starts crying again, “Saying it out loud. Makes it real, don’t you think?” His face is swollen and puffy from his tears and you can’t stop your own tears from sliding down your cheeks.

“Jungkook, I’m so, so sorry.” You feel awful. You can’t even fathom what he has gone through…

“It’s okay, this was bound to happen eventually right?” he laughs awkwardly, snot still dripping from his nose.

“I shouldn’t have forced it out of you…God, I am so sorry.”

“I…” Jungkook’s eyes refill with tears as he tries to speak again, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, I really am. I tried so many times but I just couldn’t say it out loud. I just couldn’t.” The tears fall down his face once again, “I tried.” He begins to cry harder. “I really tried y/n.”

You heart breaks. This is a sight you never want to see again but if anyone has to see it you want it to be you.

“Baby…” you whisper. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

“You’d never leave me…right?” Jungkook chokes on his words as he speaks. “I couldn’t handle it.”

You shut your eyes as you think about what Jungkook has gone through. You think about why he’s been so closed off and why he has troubles with people sometimes—especially girls.

“I wouldn’t ever leave you.” You say in promise. “You’re too important to me.”

Jungkook’s face falls back into your chest, he cries into your shirt for several more minutes as you rub his back and play with his hair.

“Wasn’t I important to mom too?” You hear him whisper.

Your heart breaks even more.

“Of course you were, Jungkook.” You try to save, “I know she must have loved you a lot.”

“Then why?”

“She must of thought you were going to be strong enough without her…” Your fingers thread through his hair again, “And you are. But you know, you aren’t completely without her…” Your hand goes to his chest, over his beating heart.

“She’s here too, with you.”

And with that, Jungkook sobs harder. Like, it’s the first time he’s cried over this. And you wonder if it is. He’s gripping on to your shirt so tightly as he releases intense sob after the other. Your heart continues to fucking break.

“I’m here. I’m here.”

It’s been quiet the last 30 minutes, neither you nor Jungkook have spoken. He’s not even crying anymore, just lightly sniffling every now and then. You wonder if he has fallen asleep. You wouldn’t be surprised, all that crying will take out all the energy out of a person…

You lean your head down to get a look at Jungkook’s peaceful face…he is sleeping. You feel yourself relax as you continue to play with his hair. He needs the rest, you think.

You feel your own eye lids getting heavy and you let yourself fall asleep as well. Jungkook snuggles deeper into your side, his face nuzzling in your chest and you hold him tighter. You two sleep like this for many hours until you’re being woken up at the sound of the blender going.

The living room is lit up with sunlight and your eyes blink lazily. You realize Jungkook isn’t sleeping with you anymore and you start to panic. Where did he go? Then the blender goes off again and you decide to stand from the couch, even though your body feels so heavy.

Jungkook is in the kitchen when you walk over, he’s got his back turned to you and you creep up behind him.

“Boo.” You say, wrapping your arms around him.

“When will you realize that will never work on me?” Jungkook lightly chuckles, “Sorry to wake you up. I figure I could make us some fruit smoothies.” He turns around in your hold. You eye him up and notice how puffy his eyes are and you feel your heart drop.

“Fruit smoothie sounds delicious.” You squeeze him tighter and Jungkook laughs a wonderful laugh. It’s loud and full and filled with joy.

“Hug me back.”

Jungkook smiles down at you and circles his arms around your waist, “Sorry, sorry.”

You smile back up at him and lean your head on his body, he feels so warm it could melt you.

“About last night…” Jungkook begins pulling away from you, “I’m sorry I kind of…”

“You don’t have to apologize.” You cut in. “It’s my fault.”

“No y/n…I’m glad things happened the way they did. I actually feel so much better.” He admits, “Lighter, even.”

“Oh? Well, good. But I am still so fucking sorry.”

“It’s okay baby.” He goes back in to hug you tighter. You feel his strong arms hold on to you and you want to stay like this forever. You would if you could. But—

“Shit. What time is it?” You step back from him, digging in your pocket for your phone. “Holy hell, I’m going to be late for work.”

“Then get going. I’ll text you later?” Jungkook asks with hope filling his eyes.

“Yeah.” You smile.

~~~~~~

Work was lame as usual, nothing eventful happened. Yoongi must have been too busy at the shop today since he didn’t come in for cookies. You decide you will go see him at the record shop tomorrow but for now…you’re dealing with something else—someone else.

“Oh? You thought Trina wouldn’t tell me?” It’s Jimin. He’s sitting on the edge of your bed with a popsicle between his lips. “Huh Miss Hickeys?”

“Jimin.” You drag his name out, “It’s not a big deal!” you throw your hands up in exasperation. “We were just really drunk and it didn’t mean anything. Just two drunk idiots.”

“Idiots, for sure.” Jimin sucks on the tip of the popsicle while he speaks.

“Seriously, it isn’t a big deal. We’re both over it.”

“Are you? You like him and he…fuck, this is getting so ridiculous. Promise me, just promise me…you will tell him the truth? You might be sur—”

“Jimin, stop.”

Jimin huffs out a deep, long breath and rolls his eyes at you.

“No.” he says matter of fact. “I won’t stop until you two talk.”

“Anyway there’s something more important we need to talk about…” you begin, “He told me about his mom.”

Jimin’s expression goes from shocked to guilty. He takes a few moments to finish the popsicle, biting the last inch or two and throwing the stick in the trashcan.

“I know. He told me.”

“Oh.”

“He’s been wanting to tell you for a long time y/n…but he just—”

“I know. It must have been really hard for him…all this time…”

“Yeah.” Jimin bows his head, “Me and Tae are the only ones who know because we were friends with him when it happened. That’s the only reason why or else I’m not sure anyone would know.”

“Is that…is that Jungkook’s secret? That you three…”

Jimin’s eyes expand as he realizes what you are talking about.

“N-No.” He admits softly, “That’s something else. That’s something Jungkook will definitely have to tell you on his own and trust me if you guys just talked…”

You tilt your head in confusion. What’s the correlation?

“Anyway, Jimin has Jungkook ever cried to you? About it all?” you ask, curiosity getting the best of you.

“He didn’t even cry at the funeral y/n.”

Fuck. You had a feeling. But knowing for sure is a whole other thing. The way Jungkook broke down in front of you felt like it was his first time and maybe it was and that makes your heart ache.

“Did he…cry? In front of you?” Jimin asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah…”

“Oh… he must really trust you.”

You only nod your head in response.

“If you guys just learned to communicate better…I’m really rooting for you two.”

Your heart swells at Jimin’s little confession and you nod your head again, this time with tears pricking at the corner of your eyes.

“Thanks Jimin.” Finally, you feel supported. And it makes you breathe just a little easier.

“I know things haven’t always been easy with you two ever since the Tae thing…but honestly this goes back even further. Doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. We…I don’t know what’s with us.” You chuckle bitterly.

“I do. And I am going to force you two to talk one of these days. I swear on it. I will give you guys some time but damn babe, this is just…” Jimin releases a long breath. “Just don’t give up, okay?”

“Can’t you just tell me?” you don’t mean to sound like you are begging but you kind of do.

“No. It’s truly truly not my place.”

“I can’t just assume what you are talking about, you know? I can’t hope for the best then get crushed. That’s too scary, Jimin.”

“I understand babe.” Jimin scoots closer to you until he’s within arms-reach and caresses your calve. “Just talk to him, please.”

“Too scary.”

“One of these days one of you will have the courage.”

~~~~~~

“And what could be in this little baggy of yours?” Yoongi grins, showing his wonderful gummy smile.

“I brought you 2 cookies Mister Oatmeal Raisin!” You shake the little bag in front of his face in a teasing manner and he chuckles.

“What did I do to deserve your kindness?” He takes the baggy from you and inspects both cookies. “You decided not to be bratty today?” he questions with a smile. “These cookies are perfect.”

You decided to visit the record shop today, on this fine afternoon. It’s one of those days where it’s cloudy and looks like it could rain but it never does. You love days like that.

“This place looks so nice!” you say, bobbing your head around to get a proper look.

“There’s a section where you can sit and drink coffee…it’s not much but its cozy. Wanna check it out?” Yoongi offers, gesturing towards the other side of the shop.

“Yeah.” You say, “Lead the way.”

He guides you to the other side of the shop next to a window. There’s a table for two and he’s right—it is cozy looking.

You sit down and wait for Yoongi as he fetches two coffees, which you are so excited about since you have a fucking addiction.

He sets a cup down in front of you and takes his seat.

“So any new happy moments in life? Anything new to be grateful for?”

“I—”

“That’s a trick question,” Yoongi’s eyes go small as he smiles widely, “There’s always new moments to be grateful for.”

You can’t help but laugh, you bring the steaming hot coffee to your mouth and you blow on the liquid multiple times before bringing it to your lips and taking a sip.

“Yes I guess so.” You smile.

“And what are they?”

“I’m grateful the sun is hiding today, I like the clouds a lot.”

“I love that.” Yoongi takes a sip of his own coffee. “What else?”

“I’m happy you brought me coffee.”

“I’m glad I somehow made it on your list of things.”

“What about you?” you ask.

“I’m grateful my A.C is working again!” he laughs, “It was actually broken for a couple days and I had like 5 fans plugged in around the place. I don’t think anyone wanted to come in here.”

“Oh no! Well, I’m glad it’s working!”

“How are things with your friend Jungkook? You guys were complicated last time I checked.”

You raise your brows in surprise that Yoongi would bring up Jungkook. But somehow you also aren’t surprised, it seems Yoongi takes a genuine interest in your life.

“We’re actually doing okay…” You bring the coffee back to your lips, taking another sip when—

“Have you told him your feelings yet?” Yoongi casually takes a gulp of coffee as you choke on yours.

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry…was that too forward?” Yoongi sets his cup down. “To be fair, you both are very obvious.

“What do you means us ‘both’?” You grab a napkin and wipe your chin where coffee dribbled.

“He clearly likes you too.” Yoongi stares at you as you stare back with a blank expression, and he laughs. “You two remind me of myself and someone I used to know.”

“Used to?”

“We were never on the same page…too many missed opportunities that it ruined anything we could have had.” Yoongi frowns for a split second before breaking out into a soft, gummy smile. “I’d hate to see that happen to you.”

“Yoongi—”

“But if it does then better for me?” he whispers with a smile in his voice.

“What do you mean by—”

“Oh. But he has a girlfriend, right?” Yoongi cuts you off with his question.

“Not exactly but basically…”

Vanessa. Your stomach drops at the mention of her and you hate it. Why does she have to have such a strong affect on you? Why does she even have to exist? You mean, she can exist but maybe not in your life—or Jungkook’s life.

Suddenly, the doors bell goes off with a ding and Yoongi is smiling brightly at whoever just walked in. You continue to sip your coffee not giving it much mind.

“Taehyung!” Yoongi shouts out, standing from his chair to wave over his friend.

Wait, Taehyung? He can’t mean the same Taehyung—

“y/n?”

Oh shit. You turn around in your seat and your face falls when you see him. Even on this cloudy day his skin is so golden like the sun is shining down on him, he looks bright and beautiful. As usual.

“Hi Taehyung.” You wave awkwardly. He can immediately tell how uncomfortable you are, his face deepening into a frown.

“I can come by later…” he offers to you.

“No, no. Don’t be ridiculous.” You try smiling but it’s quite tense.

Yoongi looks between you two and he points between your bodies.

“You two know each other?”

“We went to school together, had mutual friends blah blah blah.” You say.

Taehyung only agrees with the nod of his head. Yoongi blinks at your two and opens his mouth to say ‘Ah.’ And heads to the back for another cup of coffee.

“How have you been y/n?” Taehyung asks awkwardly, he shifts from one foot to the other as he stands here.

“Pretty good, I think.”

“You think?” he chuckles. “Hey, sorry if my texts bother you…”

“They don’t.” you say honestly. “Sorry I don’t always reply.”

“It’s okay, I understand. How’s…Jungkook?” Taehyung eyes shoot down to the floor. “He doesn’t answer my texts either. It really hurts to see years of friendship go down the drain…”

“He’s mad at you Tae,” You begin, “But I think one of these days he will chill out.” You laugh and this makes Taehyung ease up.

“He really fucking loves you.”

“Well we are best friends… sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“We kind of stopped talking for a little while but we’re back to being friends.” You try explaining but Yoongi is walking back in with a cup of coffee in hand. He hands it to Taehyung, which he accepts gratefully.

“You’re here for that new Jazz mix record, right? I have it behind the counter for you.” Yoongi says to Taehyung and Taehyung only gives him a thumbs up. He eyes you curiously, wondering what the hell happened between you and Jungkook.

“I have to get back to work boys!” You stand from the table, “Thanks for the coffee Yoongs”

Yoongi smiles at the new nickname.

“And maybe I’ll see you around, Tae?”

“Yeah.” Taehyung gives you his signature boxy grins and you feel like maybe things all around are getting better. Just maybe.

~~~~~

Jungkook has his hands knotted in Vanessa’s hair as she chokes on his cock, her lips wrapped around it fully.

“Fuck.” Jungkook whines out, “I’m so close.”

Vanessa only moans in response, she continues to bob her head up and down on his dick making his orgasm approach quickly.

“Gonna come, gonna come.”

And he does, he comes down her throat and she swallows it all perfectly. Only a drop or two left behind on her lips which she quickly wipes away with her fingers.

Vanessa stands to her feet and Jungkook pulls her in for a quick kiss.

“That was good…” he says, somewhat out of breath.

“Glad.” She says smoothly, going in for another kiss. This time she lingers, her lips lasting for a moment longer on his.

Vanessa’s fingers brush against his neck, she traces the outline of one last bruise left on the side below his ear.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” she smiles coyly. “You two sure are weird.” She says flatly.

“Vanessa…”

“It’s fine. I know you know I still see him. It’s not like we agreed to be exclusive.” She taps her skinny fingers on his chest.

“But we are trying aren’t we? To make this work?”

“You aren’t trying very hard, are you?” the amusement in her voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Jungkook.

“He cheated on you, Vanessa. Why are you still seeing him? I thought you said he has a girlfriend now?”

Vanessa pauses her tapping on his chest, her eyes go wide for a second. Like, for a second she wasn’t void of emotion.

“He does.” She says smoothly before she begins tapping her fingers against his chest again.

“He cheated on me with this girl.” She admits, “Little does this bitch know—”

“Is that healthy? Getting revenge?” Jungkook asks, concern lacing his voice.

Vanessa continues to tap her fingers as she narrows her eyes at Jungkook.

“You want to talk to me about what’s healthy?” her empty laugh fills the room.

“I want you to stop.” Jungkook’s hands go to her hips, “Let’s be exclusive, Vanessa.”

“I can’t stop…” she whispers softly, “I can’t let go.”

Jungkook observes Vanessa for a few moments, she looks as vulnerable as she did the first time she talked about her ex with him. He feels sorry for her. He really does want her to move on, for her own sake.

“You can move forward, Vanessa. You have me.”

Vanessa looks into his eyes, studying his serious expression. She can tell he means well but…she doesn’t have him. She never will.

“Please Vanessa, we can make this work.” He begs, yes begs.

Vanessa tilts her head to the side. Oh? This must be his desperation talking, she thinks. His desperation to get over you. She knows this. And she doesn’t hold it against him and instead she decides to help him.

“Okay, let’s make this work.”

~~~~~~~

y/n 8:09pm

On a scale of 1-10 how bad do you wanna watch spirited away right now?

Jungkook 8:15pm

11 girl don’t play

y/n 8:16pm

I thought so, I think this means you need to come over and watch it w meeee

Jungkook 8:20pm

Lemme shower and I’ll be over:)

y/n 8:22pm

Bring beer pllllssss

Jungkook 8:42pm

On my way

y/n 8:45pm

Drive safe bb

It’s around 9pm exactly when you hear soft knocking on the front door. You scurry towards the door and open it, finding Jungkook on the other side. He is wearing your favorite gray puma sweat suit and his hair is wavy and damp. He smiles at you when he sees you eyeing him up and down.

“Like what you see?” he teases.

“Wow, what a classic line Jungkook. Real original.” You scoff, letting the boy through.

Jungkook walks in, setting down a case of beer on the breakfast table.

“I brought our favorite.” He gestures towards the beer on the table. “Let’s drink it while it’s nice and chilly.”

“Agreed. I already have the movie set up.” You point towards the T.V “Ready for our viewing pleasure.”

“Where’s Holly?” Jungkook takes two beers from the case, handing one over to you.

“Her and Trina went out to some bar, I didn’t feel like going.” You take the beer and twist off the cap, Jungkook does the same. You two clank the bottles together in cheers and take a few sips.

“Ah.” You say, the refreshing beer making you feel well, refreshed.

“Because you don’t feel like going to a bar? Or because you would rather hang out with me?” Jungkook smirks, taking another sip of his beer.

“Because I didn’t feel like getting pretty.” You bring the beer to your lips, but you don’t drink from the bottle, just waiting for a response instead.

“You’re always pretty.”

You take a sip of the beer, feeling satisfied with his response. “I know.” You half joke.

“Let’s go to a bar.” Jungkook blurts out.

“W-What?”

“Let’s go in our lounge clothes.” He smiles, “Let’s just do it.”

“No!” you laugh out, “We look like slobs. Well, I do. You look…” your hand motions towards his body, “You know, you look…”

“Are you trying to say I’m hot, y/n?” Jungkook’s sly smile grows as he drinks his beer.

“You know what I mean.” You huff out.

“Well, I think the same of you. So let’s go.”

You can’t help but laugh, you continue to drink your beer back, the liquid settling nicely.

“Okay. Fuck it, let’s do it.” You can’t help but grin, the idea of going to a bar in yoga pants and a t shirt with your sort of best friend sounds so great to you.

“But maybe a little makeup…” Jungkook starts chuckling as you hit his arm with your fist.

“Shut up.”

The bar is mostly pretty casual, maybe not as casual as you and Jungkook but still casual.

Only a small handful of people are actually dressed nicely, but mostly are in jeans and nice shirts. Somehow Jungkook is still the hottest guy here. Even in his sweat suit. You’re surprised you two even got let in, does this place not have some sort of dress code? Guess not.

It’s pretty loud inside, the place has a live band and a decent dance floor. You and Jungkook head towards the bar and take your seats.

The bartender takes a few minutes to reach you two and when she does she automatically nods at Jungkook for his order.

“Two long islands please.” He says, he smirks towards you and you smile back. Long islands? Oh you’re getting drunk drunk tonight.

“You got it.” She smiles at him with all her teeth, and turns around to start mixing the drinks.

“Long islands, huh?” you rest your head in your hand on the bar top.

“I figure neither of us are driving tonight, we might as well go hard.” Jungkook smiles at you. “I’ll buy this first round?”

“Sounds good to me.” You bump fists with Jungkook with a wide smile. “Wanna make a bet?”

“What’s that?” Jungkook quirks a brow at you.

“I bet you $5 that by the end of the night the bartender will hit on you.”

“But I also bet $5 that the bartender will hit on me.” Jungkook pouts.

You stare at him in disbelief at his cockiness and you burst out into giggles.

“Fair enough.” You say between laughs.

The bartender slides two drinks to you and Jungkook, she twists and twirls her hair in her fingers as she asks Jungkook how it tastes. He takes a sip and gives her a thumbs up, you can’t help but snicker.

“Can we also get two tequila shots?” you wave at the bartender. She turns to face you and frowns.

“Sure.” She puts on a fake smile and turns to fill up two shot glasses with tequila. She sets them in front of you a Jungkook and tells you the amount due.

“Tequila shots? Are we trying to fucking die tonight?” Jungkook chuckles from beside you. He grabs two limes and hands you one.

“To us.” You say, lifting your shot in the air.

“To you.” Jungkook whispers as you clank glasses and throw back the shots.

Holy shit, you are fucking wasted. After several tequila shots and a few long islands you and Jungkook are barely holding on. Okay, fine. It’s not that bad. But you guys are really drunk!

His hand hasn’t left your waist for hours, and it feels so fucking nice. It feels perfect. It feels right.

“y/n?” a voice calls out to you. You know this voice, really well in fact.

“Taehyung!” you cheer. You stumble forward and go in for a high five and his drunk ass high fives you back.

“Fancy seeing you again.” You giggle.

Jungkook’s hand grips your waist tighter as he narrows his eyes at Taehyung.

“What do you mean again?” Jungkook asks, his voice low.

“We ran into each other at my friend Yoongi’s” you slur out.

“Hi Jungkookie.” Taehyung awkwardly sways back and forth, his words also slurred. It’s obvious he’s on the same level as drunk as you.

“…Hey.” Jungkook hesitates to respond, he looks between you two. “y/n…is this okay? Talking to him?”

“Hm? Oh? Yeah.” You stare at Jungkook blankly. Why wouldn’t it be, you think.

“Jungkook, maybe we could talk just the two of us?”

You look between the boys and somehow you feel yourself sobering up just a bit.

“Uh. I’ll go to the bathroom.” You say, already walking away.

“You know how sorry I feel.” Taehyung begins, “About everything.”

“What’s everything?” Jungkook mumbles under his breath.

“I’m sorry for what I did to y/n. But I am also sorry for holding your secret over you like that to keep mine.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook slurs out, “That was fucked up.”

“I miss you guys…” Taehyung takes a sip of his drink, “Even Jimin barely talks to me.”

“Shouldn’t have messed with our girl.”

“You mean, your girl.” Taehyung drunkenly corrects Jungkook.

“Whatever.”

“Seriously man, when are you just going to grow the fucking balls?” Taehyung raises his voice just a bit, “It’s clear how you both feel—”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about man, plus I have a girlfriend now—”

“You guys are official now?” You walk up to the boys, cutting in. You feel like maybe he’s just saying that.

“y/n…yeah, we just made it official.” Jungkook admits, running a hand through his hair, sighing out in frustration.

Oh. You feel your heart begin to crumble. They’re dating for real now?

“Do you have feelings for her?” You blurt out.

Jungkook shifts from one foot to another, he breathes in and out in and out. He bites on his bottom lip, thinking of how to respond.

“I don’t know what to say to that.”

Well, at least he’s honest.

“Well, I’m going to head back to my friends…” Taehyung butts in awkwardly. “It was nice seeing you two.” And with that he’s slipping away in the crowd.

“Wanna dance?” you say, trying your best to change the subject. You decide you don’t want to know his answer.

“Sure.” Jungkook smiles at you, he reaches for your hand and you squeeze his tightly. You guide him to the dance floor, the song is a slow one. You two look at one another but there’s nothing awkward about this. He guides your arms to wrap around his neck and his hands circle around your waist, he pulls you in close as you two sway to the music.

“Never go 3 months without me again.” You whisper into his neck.

“W-Why are you bringing that up now?”

“I have to keep my eyes on you, Jungkook. Without my supervision you go off and get yourself a girlfriend.” Your drunken words pierce his heart.

“Is that a problem?” He whispers back. “Yes, a big problem.” You lean back to get a look at his face, he’s already staring down at you, he somehow brings you in even closer.

“Whys that?” He breathes out.

“Want you all for myself.” You admit, drunk words are sober thoughts right?

“You want me baby?” Jungkook leans down until he’s so close, like he cannot control it.

“Yes.” You blink up at him, your lips parted.

The song changes but you two continue to dance like it’s a slow song.

“I bet you $5 that some guy will hit on you in the next couple of minutes.”

You tilt your head and drunkenly giggle, “I highly doubt that.”

Jungkook reaches in his back pocket and hands you a five dollar bill.

“What’s this f—”

“You’re so fucking beautiful” and then his lips are just a mere inch away from yours before he’s pulling back with a look of horror and guilt plastered on his face.

“I—I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I’m with Vanessa now. I’m just drunk. I’m really drunk. You’re really drunk. We don’t know what we’re doing.” He drunkenly rambles.

You feel your heart sink down into your lower belly, you feel it crack and break into a million pieces. That’s right. Vanessa. He’s making it work with that girl.

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

“You’re my best friend y/n.” Jungkook slurs out, “I’m trying so hard not to ruin that.”

You only nod your head.

“Let’s go home.” You say.

~~~~~~

Your bed is comfy as ever, especially this drunk. Jungkook takes his shirt off and slips into the sheets, settling next to you.

“Wanna cuddle?” he offers.

“I don’t know if Vanessa would like that.” You slur.

“Right.” Jungkook lays on his back, his arms folding beneath his head. “Should I sleep in the living room?”

“No. I want you here.” You admit between soft breaths. “I always want you here.” You yawn out.

“Good.” Jungkook reaches out to hold you, “I don’t think Vanessa will mind if I cuddle my best friend for just five minutes.”

“Five minutes only” you tease. You shuffle closer to him, his warmth escaping his body and clinging to yours.

You two fall asleep like this. Morning comes slowly, like the world is giving you a chance to really appreciate one another’s company. Like the world knows that moments like this are so hard to come by. Like the world knows that you two need this.

When you wake up the next day, its half past noon. You’re still in Jungkook’s arms while he is dead asleep. You nuzzle into his chest and thank the world for giving you this moment. This moment to embrace him like he is yours, a moment to kiss his cheek like he is yours, a moment to whisper you love him like he is yours.

But he isn’t. He isn’t yours and that’s the reality. But you thank the world nonetheless. Because you need these moments to stay sane. But how do you two always end up like this? Can you keep blaming the alcohol? He tried to kiss you last night and that’s also the reality.

Jungkook wanted to kiss you. Can he keep saying it’s just because he’s drunk?

But he’s with Vanessa now and you have to respect that. And you will respect that.

You thank the world though, that right now he’s in your arms, breathing your air, and sharing this moment. Just you and him.

Finally, after another half hour Jungkook begins to stir in his sleep.

You stare at him as he wakes up and his sleepy eyes find yours.

“G’morning.” His voice is low and raspy and you want to swoon.

“Hi.”

“We…” he looks between your bodies. “Didn’t do anything, right?”

You feel your chest tighten, “No, Jungkook.” You answer calmly.

“Okay…” Jungkook frowns, “We can’t keep doing this, can we?”

Somehow you know exactly what he’s talking about, you can’t keep building this tension between you two. It goes nowhere.

“No” You admit softly, “We can’t.”

You think about Jimin’s words…could Jungkook…? But you don’t want to jump to happy conclusions, put yourself out there and then be wrong. But he tried to fucking kiss you. The girls were right, is this really all for you? You can’t keep doing this. It’s not good for you. “We really can’t.” you say again.

Jungkook smiles, but its soft and sad and makes you want to kiss his pouting lips until he shows you a real smile but you can’t.

“I’m sorry about last night.” Jungkook moves to his back, he stares up at the ceiling.

“I was just really drunk.” He continues, “Drunk me is wild.” He chuckles awkwardly.

“Is that really an excuse anymore?” you feel brave enough to say.

“y/n…”

“Forget it. We’re okay.”

“Are we?” Jungkook moves back to his side, facing you. He gives you a troubled look and you melt. Why are you always melting because of this man?

“Yeah. What’s more important is that your birthday is next week…”

“Oh yeah.”

“Can I be in charge of your party?”

“I don’t want a party, just a couple of friends.”

“Let me host it!”

“Okay, fine.” Jungkook smiles, “I can’t wait.”

“Do I have to invite Vanessa?”

“y/n.” Jungkook groans.

“Kidding!” you sing. Although, you aren’t entirely sure that you’re just kidding.

“It would be nice if you could plan this with Vanessa actually…she mentioned wanting to do something nice for my birthday too.” He sort of whispers out, like he didn’t want you to actually hear.

“Oh.” You aren’t sure what to say. You obviously don’t want co-host a get together with Vanessa but she is his girlfriend after all.

“Fine.”

You and Vanessa? Let’s see how this goes.

[the-dendrophile-bookdragon]

20. I think you had enough eggnog

A/N: When I wrote this I had the image stuck in my head, that Steve would scream from the outside the office, ‘Would you like to marry him? You know, like the grandma from Mulan. You will understand when you read it. Enjoy!

Pairing: Javier Peña x gn!reader

Warning: cursing, two idiots in love, alcohol (I mean, it’s in the title. What did you expect?”)

31 Masterlist

Christmas parties were fun. Christmas office parties too. Or that’s what Javier wanted to tell himself. The only thing fun about the embassies Christmas party was the free booze. And maybe seeing who actually was a lightweight.

He drove to his workplace with a scowl on his face. Steve tried to make him smile with pictures of Olivia and reindeer antlers on her head. He had to admit, the kid was extremely cute with the headpiece on her little head.

The next thing he notice was you. You and your ugly Rudolph with sunglasses on a beach t-shirt. You laughed with a few agents before noticing your two partners. You lovingly nicknamed them ‘the Golden Retriever’ and ‘Grumpy Cat’. You smiled at the group you currently talked to and waved them goodbye.

Steve and Javi observed your wonky walk over to them. You were no lightweight but also not a heavy drinker like Javi.

You blobbed down next to Steve and smiled at them, “How are my two favourite detectives doing?” Javier rolled his eyes at your drunken smile. Steve knew that his friend was masking a smile under his annoyed expression. After all, he saw the two of you dancing around each other. Conny and him had a bet who would ask who or who would confess first.

Steve turned to you and raised his eyebrow, “How many glasses of eggnog did you have?” You just smiled at them and shrugged. You looked down into your cup and saw that it was empty. Both men looked at you then at them self. They had a silent conversation and came to a mutual agreement. But before they could lecture you sprung up from your seat and went to the table serving as a bar. Javier immediately stumbled out of his seat to follow you. He took away your cup and stirred you away from the bar. “Okay, that’s it. No more eggnog for you, missy. You are way too drunk.” You groaned at him and pouted childishly. He shook his head.

He searched for Steve who was at his side in an instant. “Let’s go, Estrella. Let’s get you home.” You nearly fell asleep during the drive home but were held awake by Steve. You groaned and grumbled the whole time.

When Javier parked the car and killed the engine Steve shook you for the last time to stay awake. You glared at him but the blond man wasn’t fazed by you. Javi opened your door and helped you out. Your knees wobbled, so Javi picked you up without a second thought. Steve grabbed your thinks in the meantime.

You looked at a blurry Javier and mumbled into his jaw, “Your back will hate you for carrying me into my apartment.” He nodded but shrugged.

Steve fished out your apartment keys and opened your door. He left your things at your couch and said goodnight. Javi nodded at his partner and went into your bedroom. He laid you on your soft bed and pulled off your shoes and socks. Then followed your jeans and jacked. You grinned up at him dopily, “If you wanted to undress me you only had to asked not wait till I got drunk.” The man huffed a laugh and shook his head.

He went to your bathroom to get the supplies to remove your make up. He was really focused not to mess up and hurt you in the process. While he was doing it he notices the change in your expression. He could only describe it like you had hearts in your eyes which made his lips quirk a little upwards.

“Javi, did I ever tell you I like your eyes.” He shook his head and smiled a little more, “No, hermosa. You didn’t.” You pouted and squinted your eyes together, “I am sorry for not telling you.” Your voice resembled that of a child’s voice. So small and innocent. “I really like them. Like, like-like them. Like I like you.” You snickered what made him chuckle a little. “Now I said like a lot. But it’s true, I like you. A lot. And Javi, I promise you tomorrow I will tell you this when I’m sober. And be assured, this is not the alcohol or my inner whore speaking. Even though she really likes to come out and play, if ya know what I mean.”

Javi’s cheeks grew a little hot at your statement. The tips of his ears turned slightly pink. “Okay, carino. Time for you to go to sleep. I will wake you up and we can drive to the small bakery before work.” You nodded snuggling further in your duvet. You looked like a caterpillar cocooning itself.

The next day you came crashing into his and Steve’s office wit a wiled look on your face. “I’m so, so, so sorry for yesterday. And also a big thank you for putting me to bed. I really appreciate that.” You took a lung full of air. The agent noticed your nervous tick. He carefully stood up and came around his table. He took your smaller hand into his large, calloused one and softly drew cercles on the irritated skin you just picked on. You looked up into his eyes and channelled all your courage, “Do you want to go on a date with me?” Javi slowly nodded, “How about tonight?” You nodded, “Sounds nice. The place across the market?” Javier nodded. He looked down at your lips and began to lean down.

Before your lips met Steve barked into the office, not bothering to look at your embarrassed faces and went straight to his phone. He dialled the number of Conny and his apartment. Conny immediately picked up, “Honey pay up! You lost.” Were Steve’s exact words. Conny just huffed and hung up. Javi turned to Steve with you still in his arms, “Fuckin’ Hillbilly.”

Wanna join my taglist?

@jolovesfandoms @lovesbiggerthanpride @littlemisspascal

[silky-stories]

Whitty having a nightmare about accidentally killing his s/o and reader comforting him with cuddles? 👀

Sure thing! Sorry for the wait by the way, the ask ended up glitching and disappeared for the longest time ^^;;

Hope this turned out alright!

———————————————————————

Too Dangerous {Whitty/Reader}

Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Words: 1788

Related Song: sagun - I’ll Keep You Safe (feat. Shiloh) https://youtu.be/7ly7Mhle-4M

Summary: Whitty is scared of losing control and hurting his partner, thankfully his partner is a magician and knows how to make all of his worries disappear.

Disclaimer/s: Death, blood, small description of dead body, a bit of swearing, crying and panic attacks

Notes: (Please read) The start is pretty graphic and may be hard to read for some people, so there’s a double line down further that you can scroll to if you want to skip that part. It gets happy though, don’t worry :)! Also Whitty’s dialogue is in orange, Y/n’s is in blue!

———————————————————————

Numb.

That’s how he always felt after this happened.

After he lost his cool.

After he lost himself.

After his body gave in and combusted into the hot red plumes of rage, engulfing and ripping his body apart in one swift action.

...

After he exploded.

It never took long for his body to piece itself back together, for his pieces to come back and connect and rejoin one another, allowing his mind and consciousness to slowly but surely become clearer.

It was like puzzle pieces, all eventually finding their place as the picture that was his senses to come together, becoming complete once more.

None of this was new to him, he had experienced it many times before.

Only... something was wrong this time.

His vision was still very blurry, but he could make out a few colours, red being the most prominent.

He had never felt especially impatient to regain his senses, but the further along his accelerated recovery was, the more his half healed subconscious screamed that something bad had happened.

It wasn’t until he regained his sense of smell back that he started panicking.

The thick smell of copper and rust that cut through the air quickly invaded his lungs, violating his airways with the essence of metal and death.

Maybe it was the familiarity that scared him the most but...

He knew the smell of blood all too well.

The red he saw was immediately more violent and harsh than it seemed to be before, he stumbled closer to the scene with eyes only partially focused.

His legs still lacked most of the feeling in them, but he managed.

He needed to see what it was, he needed to know who it was. The speed that his blood rushed through his body only sped up his recovery as the picture finally came together.

...

He couldn’t keep his footing as he finally made out what laid before him.

You.

Your bleeding, broken form laid still on the concrete.

He couldn’t move.

Couldn’t think.

Couldn’t breathe.

...

He was trying to breathe.

Why couldn’t he breathe?

...

Suddenly everything hurt. His head hurt. His eyes hurt. His hands hurt. His body screamed in agony and grief at the loss of one of the few people that cared. One of the few that loved him.

What could he do now though?

You were dead.

He had killed you.

It was his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was-

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

Whitty’s eyes snapped open as he hastily sucked in a gasp of air.

He laid there, motionless, greedily filling his lungs with the oxygen that his unconscious mind believed so strongly that he had been deprived of.

He could hear how shaky his breaths were despite the numbness, he was practically hyperventilating as he gave the ceiling a wide-eyed stare.

His form felt frozen in place as images from his dream flashed in front of his open eyes like a movie.

His stillness was disturbed only when you shifted beside him, he flinched, quite violently actually, as your head bumped into his arm.

The groan and words that came from you were his first indication that he shouldn’t have done that.

You were up.

Shit.

“Whitty..? Are you... mmph, are you alright?” You yawned as you propped yourself up in bed beside him, taking a moment to rub the sleep out of your eyes so you could look at him.

When you opened your eyes you saw that he had flinched back from laying down into a sitting up position. He was staring down at you, being the skyscraper that he was. Although there was only one thing that stood out to you, sobering you up from your sleep-drunk state.

“Y... y-yeah sorry I uh... didn’t mean to wake you u-”

“Wait, why are you crying?”

He paused, only now noticing the dark and warm trails that trickled down his face. He was quick to look away to try to wipe them out of existence, the concern on your face had only deepened when he looked back.

“It’s really nothing you... you don’t... don’t have to worry... about me... s-sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

He was a mess and couldn’t piece together a sentence to save his life at the moment but he hoped it would be at least slightly convincing.

He really shouldn’t have thought that.

You very clearly weren’t convinced as you gingerly took hold of his upper arms and guided him to you, leaning back and wrapping his arms around your body as you followed suit with your arms around him.

He wanted to protest, he wanted to further reassure you that he was fine and let you go back to sleep so you didn’t have to deal with his emotional baggage at three in the morning. When he looked up at your patient but distressed expression though, made contact with those eyes that told him that he wouldn’t be judged for whatever it was that had upset him... he just couldn’t hold it in.

It started with tears silently starting to flow again as he pressed his face into your abdomen to hide them, his body starting to tremble in your embrace. It didn’t take very long for him to break into choked sobs, gripping at the t-shirt you had worn to bed like it was his last lifeline.

“Oh Whitty... I’m here, everything’s alright...”

You had no idea what it was that had upset him yet, but the need to console him was intense and immediate. Your hands moved to the positions that had worked before, one on the back of his head and one on his back. Small circular motions were what you started with on his back, gently caressing his head with your other hand as you allowed him the time he needed to vent out his emotions.

This went on for around ten minutes. You didn’t really care, you weren’t watching the clock.

He had stopped crying within the first five, but it took another five minutes to regulate his breathing. Now he was breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, the way you had showed him to before when he needed help to calm down.

You continued to console him through actions, waiting to see if he would initiate the conversation you knew he was ready for now.

He turned his head to the side while still keeping his grip on your torso, he looked exhausted.

“...Y/n?”

You were glad you waited.

“Yes?”

“Do you ever think that I’m...”

You didn’t try to push him to finish his sentence, you knew he just needed a moment to get his words straight.

“...too dangerous to be around?”

You didn’t want to ask, you really didn’t, but you needed the context if you wanted to help him feel better.

“In what way?”

His expression soured as he glared at nothing from across the room.

“There’s a reason why there’s people after me, Y/n...”

Oh.

Oh.

He meant himself being who he was that dangerous.

Well that just wouldn’t do.

“Oh Whitty, why would I think that?”

“Because I fucking am!”

His sudden outburst didn’t frighten you, you had gotten used to them a long time ago.

“I’m unpredictable and can’t control myself sometimes! What will happen if you’re around me when I lose control? Human bodies can’t piece themselves back together Y/n!”

You kept silent as you took in everything he said, committing it all to memory since you knew that these were valid concerns and he needed to lay them all out if he wanted to address them.

“I love you... so damn much... but I’d rather be on the other side of the world if I knew that it would protect you from me!”

He moved to look up at you, the fear in his eyes was heartbreaking.

“I couldn’t... I couldn’t live with myself if I knew that it was me that... that killed you...”

There it was, the heavy statement that served as a queue for you to speak, you could see the anticipation in his eyes. It was peculiar actually, the look he held, it was like he was expecting you to agree with everything he just said and run or something...

You tightened your embrace around him to stamp that thought out of existence.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, you know?”

“I... huh?”

“I’ve seen the amount of times that you’ve been close to losing it, I know how hard it can be to stay in control.”

He couldn’t hold contact with your eyes, the amount of pure love and care for him was overwhelming after all the fear and desperation that he had just given in return.

“But I’ve also seen how much better you’ve gotten at keeping control.”

That was a surprise to him, but you knew that he would know what you were talking about if you gave some examples.

“Remember the guy in the grocery store? You looked like you wanted to rip his head off, and I didn’t blame you.”

You chuckled at the memory of the guy that decided to try to argue why the two of you shouldn’t be together since you were human and he wasn’t. The man was frustrating and made no sense at all, but Whitty’s fuse didn’t even spark, he didn’t lose himself to anger. He gave the guy the sharpest glare he’s ever done, told him to ind his own damn business, and then lightly took your hand and continued on.

His show of restraint was impressive to say the very least.

“You’ve been getting really good with controlling yourself, and we’re still working on it too. I’m not scared of you and definitely don’t plan on going to the other side of the world.”

Your grin was infectious, he hated and loved how infectious your grin was as he tried to stifle the small smile working it’s way up onto his face.

“I’m so proud of how hard you’ve been trying to keep control of yourself, and I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

He... he let himself smile after that.

“I don’t deserve you...”

“And you’re clearly overtired since you’re just saying nonsense now.”

He chuckled, it was hoarse and faint but it was a wonderful sound.

“Really though, let’s try and get you back to sleep, okay?”

He pushed himself up further on the bed and carefully intertwined his body with yours, breathing out a sigh as he buried his face in your hair.

“I love you...”

“I love you too.”

[blzzrdstryr]

Misery

Sadistic!Yandere!Diluc x Fatui Harbinger!GN!reader

Wordcount: 6748

CW: torture, sex, foul language, isolation, sensory deprivation, extremely unhealthy relationships, dubcon, mindbreak, violence

Diluc isn’t a cruel person. Not necessarily. He punishes you only when you are difficult and for the last few weeks you tried to stay on your best behavior. Ragnvindr is nice to you, benevolent even, willing to look past your former affiliations and shower you with love. At times his affections seem suffocating and irking, blood red eyes following your every movement and him absorbing your every word as if it is a holy scripture, but you remind yourself that his love is the best thing that happened to you in your whole life.

Truly, Diluc is so kind to take you in and help you fix the errors of your old ways, even when you were snarling and spitting insults in his face, too stubborn to see how wrong your old life was. You were ignorant and ungrateful back then, seeing nothing but a Harbinger title and service to Tsaritsa. You forced Diluc to lock you up to make you realize that you didn't need your title or your vision or your archon. He is there for you and it's all that matters, you can rely on him for everything and he is happy to provide, persistent in his care for you and even now he is patient with your… deficiencies, waiting when you stop staring into the distance with vacant eyes.

You stand in front of an open but barred window, a typically Mondstadtian landscape revealed to you - bright green grass and patches of dandelions and windwheel asters growing in small groups with tall trees of the same shade finishing the picture. A gentle breeze flows through the opening, playing with your hair and caressing your skin, yet you imagine another type of wind - stronger and colder, relentless and carrying small snowflakes on the way. You close the eyes and see another image - tall, leafless trees covered by multiple layers of snow and the white ground between them. Snow shines and glitters under the pale winter sun, and you feel alive and bitter at the same time.

You know the place, having been there once, but your memory now is too blurry and fuzzy. All of the events prior to Diluc fixing you up are too foggy to make out the finer details and it somehow makes you feel sad, when you should be grateful instead. Tears well up in your eyes, and you can’t make them stop, rapidly going from silent crying to full on hysterics.

You hear Diluc asking what’s wrong with a concern in his voice, his hands slightly shaking your crying form. You can’t answer him, wailing even louder and stronger, hiding your face in both hands, ashamed from the sudden outburst and overwhelmed from unreasoned sorrow and heartache. Only when Ragnvindr painfully squeezes both of your shoulders and demands to know what is wrong with you in that tone that makes you shiver and gasp, do you stop, looking at him with wide scared eyes, hands that were used to cover your face, are now up in the air in a semi defensive stance.

He seems uncomfortable by your reaction, a slight frown appearing on his face, scarlet brows knit together and corners of mouth turned downward. “I am sorry”, you say, voice small and pleading, eyes casted aside not meeting his out of embarrassment. Why did you start to act so childish out of the blue?

“There’s nothing to apologize”, Diluc takes off the glove, using an uncovered hand to wipe away the tear tracks from your cheeks. There’s no irritation in his voice, just concern, so you risk a glance at him, as he continues: “You are just making me worry”

“I am sorry” you repeat, feeling a prick to your heart, as you process his words - Ragnvindr is so good to you, providing with everything you could ever ask of, and here you are, making him concerned and anxious over some silly daydreams. “It’s really nothing, I just need to be more attentive, that’s it”

You noticed that it’s harder for you to stay in the moment as you start to frequently space out, mind too occupied by the memories of days long past - playing with peers, entering Fatui, receiving a delusion. It’s a futile thing, but images still consume all of your attention and focus, keeping you from sleeping and eating.

“[First], I...” he starts, but then trails off, huffing to mask his hesitancy. Instead of talking he takes your face in one hand and leans in, his lips meeting yours. It's a slow and gentle kiss at first, but just like all other things with Diluc it quickly escalates into something more: his hands now take you by your waist and tug you closer to him, making you press with your entire chest against him, and he deepens the kiss, his tongue freely exploring the confines of your mouth as you moan into his from pleasure and such close proximity.

When you two part, Diluc leaves you flushed and dizzy, with heart quickly pounding against the ribcage. You feel a fire of arousal igniting inside of you, it travels from your chest to belly and soon spreads to the rest of the body. Your cheeks heat up as you stand up on tiptoes to whisper “Can we do it right now?” in Diluc’s ear, voice full of both shame and anticipation.

“Of course, my dear”, there are hints of a smile in his tone and he effortlessly lifts you up and heads for the bedroom and as he carries you you can’t help but zone out again, the memories of past days flashing in your mind.

***

Your first meeting happens during one winter night, as you receive the order to deal with him day prior, at a Harbinger meeting in the Zapolyarny palace. Eleven of you stay kneeling in the main hall, awaiting for Her Majesty to come in as Scaramouche and Tartaglia start to bicker as usual.

“I bet it’s about that mysterious person who’s destroying one stronghold after the other” Childe starts, voice full of bravado and smugness, fake smile blooming on his face: “Fortunately, Tsaritsa has me to take on whatever this stranger is”.

“I wouldn’t be so cocky if I were you, Tartaglia”, Scaramouche remarks, almost spitting out the last word.

“Why shouldn’t I? I am the youngest here, yet I am also the strongest. Why are you so upset? Feeling envious of my power?” Childe retorts, voice still sounding too cheery to be natural.

“If there was anything to envy. You may be the best at fighting among us, but it’s the only thing you are good at”.

“Huh, it seems I was wrong. Maybe little Scaramouche wants to be as tall as me and that’s why he spits out his funny silly slander”.

It must have struck the nerve, as Scaramouche snaps back with an angry tirade, from which their exchange escalates into a heated battle of barely hidden insults. You, just as the rest of other Harbingers listen to their conversation, half amused and half irritated, lifting the brows at the creative mockings.

“Silence”, domineering and overpowering voice says and you still yourself, eyes casted downwards, as Childe and Scaramouche stop their exchange at the same moment. Footsteps echo throughout the hall, as a feminine figure takes its place on a high throne in the middle of the hall. Tsaritsa has arrived.

“As I can see my children already know about the perpetrator attacking my servants” archon starts, divine power and absolute authority evident in each syllable. You feel how the deity’s eyes look at all of you, despite still keeping head bowed and stance obedient.

“Innamorati”, you hear your title and lift up your gaze, ready to take whatever order the Goddess has for you.

“I entrust you with this task, don’t disappoint me”.

***

Diluc is not a coward and he never was one, but now he can’t help but feel a pang of fear, looking at your approaching form.

“Let’s test our delusions, shall we?”, you almost purr, voice soft, silken smooth and full of unspoken threat. It sends shivers down his spine, yet he still equips this cursed thing and braces himself for the upcoming battle.

There’s a stillness in your moves, a confidence that whatever Diluc has in his arsenal, you can endure and answer with something deadly in return. This dangerous calm both disturbs and excites young Ragnvindr.

He lashes out on you with a stream of accursed chains, filling the air with the sickly sweet scent of mist grass. You easily side step his attack, letting out a cheerless laugh and then come back with a cold gust, frost air currents easily cutting through his skin.

He barely dodges the attack, slowly registering the pain from injury. It’s a shallow cut and a testament to your strength, Diluc thinks, as he touches the scrape, marvelling at your speed. In the end, Diluc can’t stand against you - you’re stronger, have more experience and infinitely faster than him, bringing down one overwhelming attack after the other, a catalyst shining and glowing as you do so.

He jumps and ducks and runs, avoiding one hit after the other, yet there's only so much his body can do. Soon his limbs grow heavier and his breathing labored, Diluc slows down and that's when your attack finally strikes him. It pierces his body, pools of blood quickly forming under him.

Diluc falls down, his battered body no longer able to stand. Memories and regrets alike flood his mind, reminding him of deeds he wishes he did and deeds he wishes he didn’t. He remembers his childhood - all daydreams and high hopes, the world around him bright and friendly. He remembers his father's dying face and Kaeya’s guilt-ridden expression. He remembers overwhelming helplessness and grief transforming into righteous anger and hate.

It all seems so pointless now - leaving the Mondstadt, breaking all bonds with Kaeya or spending years in a mindless massacre, satiating his thirst for revenge by destroying one Fatui stronghold after the other, with no regard for his body or spirit. What was the point of it all, if he's still there, lying and bleeding to death, as you look down on him?

He throws, what he thinks, the last glance at the world, a strange thought appearing in his mind as he looks at you: I want them. As Diluc's consciousness fades he misses a sound of an observer's footsteps.

Later, as he gets saved by the said third party’s observer, who commented and praised Diluc’s methods, he replays the encounter in his mind, getting confused at this particular thought. Why would he want you? Maybe he wants you to die or maybe he wants to see you defeated, but in no way he sees you as desirable. In the end he blames everything on his oxygen deprived brain at the time, explaining the strange attraction he felt for you at that moment.

Having a near death experience and a taste of his own dying regrets, he decides to return to Mondstadt and as he does, thoughts about you continue to pester him. They fly around and buzz, reminding Diluc of your face, eyes and voice, of your body and skills and that terrifying speed you attacked him at. He swats them away like a noisy, annoying flies, suppressing and burying feelings deep, deep down, and naming his interest in you “a desire for revenge and retribution”.

***

Your second meeting happens once the news of a sudden Stormterror attack reaches Tsaritsa’s ears - a perfect opportunity for acquiring anemo archon’s gnosis and a new step in her rebellion against Celestia. She thinks about sending La Signora at first, as your fellow Harbinger is fast and ruthless, able to complete a job no matter the cost, but soon archon changes her mind and picks you instead. For secrecy and subterfuge, she adds, don’t disappoint me.

I won't, you promise more to yourself than her, as Tsaritsa never asks but orders. With your head bowed in deep respect and the heavy gaze of the goddess on your form, you decide that you will do your best to bring cryo archon's vision into reality. You are dispatched to Mondstadt the same week, first by ship, then by carriage. Pristine white landscapes of Snezhnaya quickly morph into bright Mondstadtian green, and you finally arrive.

Despite or maybe because of Mondstadt having almost nothing similar with Snezhnaya, it steals a breath from you for a moment - city stands on a lone isle in the middle of deep blue lake, tall windmills and bright red roofs seen from a distance, along with a giant statue of Barbatos blessing the city.

Acting Grandmaster Jean greets you, her stern blue eyes intently observing you, as she says standard Favonius salute and you return your own cliche lines - about Tsaritsa’s concern and a peacekeeping mission, empty phrases that don’t elaborate on what actually Fatui will do. She fails to suppress a frown upon hearing it, sensing your real intentions, but you pay it no mind - Jean has no way or reason strong enough to ban you from Mondstadt without causing a diplomatic conflict.

You turn on the heels after brief negotiations, heading for the Goth Grand Hotel, mind already full of plans and schemes of obtaining the Gnosis. Before you departed, Tsaritsa shared a very interesting fact to you - throughout the centuries Barbatos used only one mortal form, disguising himself as a young cheerful bard named Venti. You dispatch a couple of agents and cicin mage to look for a person fitting the description, and then turn your attention to the rest of the fatuis.

You scold Anastasia for unprofessional rudeness towards Jean. “We need to maintain a benevolent image”, you say to her, right before demoting her and temporarily sending her off to Dragonspine as a punishment. Under your rule fatuis cease sneering and belittling Mondstadt in public, lessening no doubt growing ire of locals.

All goes well, until several events happen. Stormterror attacks the city and some blonde foreigner fights off the dragon, wielding mind blowingly strong anemo powers and riding the wind, like a flying bird. Then your agents finally find a bard, reporting that “Venti" prefers to spend a considerable amount of both time and mora in two local taverns - Angel’s Share and Cat’s tail.

You don civilian clothing, heading for the former tavern and send off a couple of other disguised agents to the latter one. Now, stripped of your mask and harbinger attire, citizens stop gawking and staring at you, their eyes passing your form, as you make your way as an ordinary passerby.

No one pays you attention, as you enter the tavern, save for the strange six fingered bard at the entrance. He tries to sell you his performance, but you wave him off, heading for the bar. And here you see him again - you recognize the unknown attacker, his bright red hair and eyes betraying him the same second. Your faces mirror in recognition as a tense silence settles between you.

“So what is Fatui doing in this tavern?”he asks loudly and half of the customers stop drinking and stare at you. You sigh “enjoying” the atmosphere he created, and utter a premade excuse: “Mondstadt is known for its wine industry and the best wines are sold by Dawn Winery. It would be a shame if I left the city without tasting its finest drinks first”.

You glance at the red gem on his collar, an obvious heirloom of a famous clan: “Didn’t know that Ragnvindr heir would spend his days working as a bartender. You must be Diluc, then. Am I right?". He doesn't dignify you with an answer, preferring to wipe the glasses and serve other customers, his eyes still observing you from time to time.

You quit the tavern early, as “Venti”, as it turns out, leaves the same second he hears about your presence. You order agents to spy on him, waiting for the right opportunity to strike, that you don't get a chance to act on.

You get attacked by Diluc on your way to the Windrise tree, where according to your intel, Barbatos decided to go. He slowly pulls out his claymore and you notice a difference between old and current him.

He is calm this time, his movements lacking fervent hatred and anger that was present during your first battle. He must have gotten stronger then, if he feels so confident, entering a battle with you. Or grown foolish, your mind supplies.

You start to fight, exchanging one blow for another, as he surprises you - there's no barbed chains rushing into your direction, only an orange light fire surrounding the claymore. A pyro vision dangles on his waist, glowing and shining as he activates it's powers. You masterfully dodge his hits, shooting combined anemo and cryo attacks from the catalyst.

Suddenly you step on a burning grass, and hiss and close your eyes from the sudden pain. Diluc uses this time to disarm you, his heavy claymore crushing a delicate catalyst into small pieces. It happens so fast, that you are left speechless at the sudden turn of the battle tides.

With no weapon left, all you can do is dodge and run - you almost reach the city again. it’s walls become visible as you do your best to push your body beyond limits, fatigue weighing down on every muscle. Diluc sends a phoenix - a damn phoenix! - on your way. Fire licks your skin and scorches ends of your hair, but you manage to dodge it too - if only by a small chance - and fall to the ground, mind drifting off to the unconscious world.

***

You come up to your senses slowly and gradually; first there are sensations - a rough rope around your wrists, wet, yet rugged stone walls, then the smells, tastes and sounds - stale, musty air, a coppery blood on your tongue and a shift of a fabric, and then the images at last - dark basement and a bright red blotch, that after a time becomes a head.

There’s a man sitting beside you, Diluc Ragnvindr, your memory supplies. You feel calm and confused for a moment until you remember the fight you both had. Seems, he finally overpowered you.

“You are awake” he says, voice grim and quiet.

“It seems I am. Let me guess, you dragged me here because you want to know what this big bad harbinger plans to do?”. Control your breathing, don’t let him hear the tremble of your voice, don’t let him see the fear in your eyes.

He looks at you with an unreadable gaze and you hold his stare, looking absolutely untroubled in return, a knowing and somewhat self-confident smirk playing in your lips. No matter his status in Mondstadt, Diluc kidnapped you, one of the fatui Harbingers and a close associate of Tsaritsa. His action, no doubt, will force Fatui to severe action, an action that neither his nation nor his people will be able to withstand.

“Think bigger”, he finally says: “I don’t care what you planned to do. I already have you here, weak and helpless. No, what I want is intel on what your goddess and organization are after”.

“Oh, mister Diluc, you want to play a big game? It’s dangerous in case you didn’t know. Maybe after I tell you all of our wicked plans, you will wish you had never asked” you purr, sensing how it grates his nerves, despite him keeping his face and stance impassive.

“How so?”

“Tsaritsa is the greatest of all seven, her vision is absolute. Even if you learn of her plans I doubt you will be able to stop any of them”.

“I asked what the plans were, not what you think of cryo archon”. Diluc’s voice becomes a tone louder, the already present frown on his face subtly deepening.

“Then I am afraid you won’t get any from me”.

He suddenly gets closer to you, his hand yanking you by your head. You hiss, trying to free the bound hands, as he drags you to a nearby barrel with water by hair and then he dips you in it. You instinctively jerk in his hold, a cold water seeping in your nose and mouth as he holds you underwater. Ten second passes, twenty, thirty, you jerk again, your head throbbing and aching from the lack of air, he pulls you upwards.

You nearly black out from the abrupt change, gulping down in the air and coughing out water. He repeats his question and you deny him again. He dips you more, each time becoming a bit longer than the last, only to repeat his query. You lose how many times he lowered you into liquid, absolutely wet and shivering now, when he finally stops and ties you up to the same place you woke up to.

“We will continue tomorrow, I have business to attend to. I suggest you use this time to rethink whether you want to tell me Tsaritsa’s plans or not, as I can get much worse” He heads for the exit from the basement, as you greedily inhale the air.

“Wait”, you say, still breathing heavily: “Aren’t you afraid of the punishment? You kidnapped me, a harbinger, and then proceeded to torture me. Tsaritsa will have your head for this slight against her.”

“Tsaritsa won’t find out. Your Harbingers won’t find out. No one will find out if there’s no evidence”. He steps closer to you, his voice becoming firmer with each word.

“And how do you think you will manage to hide the evidence? You left the knights years ago, you are nothing but a businessman at this point. I doubt they will cover up for you”.

“How did..”

“Oh, Diluc, people talk and I am very, very nosy. That girl, Donna, she told so much to my subordinates about you ”, you mock her, imitating her high breathy manner: “Oh Diluc, he was the youngest captain, but then he left. I wonder why he left? Maybe the knights wronged him!”

“Honestly, with the amount of ire you subject poor knights to, only a deaf and a blind won’t know about how much you despise Favonius Order'', you continue, anger and hatred seeping into your voice.

“I still have connections”, he says absolutely nonchalantly.

“Oh, do you bribe them, then? You criticize the knights for being corrupt, yet you are willing to ask them to hide my abduction? It’s a bit hypocritical, isn’t it?”

Diluc doesn’t answer this time, finally stepping out of the room and locking the door. You sit alone in a dimly lit room, water still all over you and heart quickly beating in your chest, trying to calm down. Later, when your heartbeat stops booming in your own ears, you pray to Tsaritsa, asking Goddess to grant you strength and endurance.

***

You manage to doze off once your clothes are almost dry. The dreams you see are vague and murky, dripping with a sense of unease and anxiety, you see dark silhouettes that morph into looming shadows that later transform into phantasmagorical monsters. It must be why you wake up the same second door opens with Diluc entering the room.

He looks grimmer now, more determined. You brace yourself for his hands tugging at your hair again and lungs burning from lack of oxygen, but none of it comes. He uses a dagger to slice your clothes off, careful not to damage skin underneath. Out of pure nerves you quip some stupid joke about dining first, but he pays you no mind, his hands soon touching your bare legs and looks at them with a filthy stare, his red eyes consuming revealed flesh.

You still under his stare, heart pounding as you try to distract yourself from the thoughts of what he might do to you right now. Almost a minute passes, when he finally stops staring at your legs and begins to move his arms, caressing your inner side of the thigh instead.

You shift from the discomfort, alarmed when his palms start to heat up. He wants to burn me, you think and barely stop yourself from screaming by biting your lip. A disgusting smell of burnt flesh fills up your nose as tears start to travel down your face. He removes the hand, revealing two angry red imprints with a collection of small blisters already forming. Diluc, again, asks the same question, and just like the last time you refuse to answer.

He does upkeep his threat of becoming much worse, with his hands burning your naked body - he targets sensitive spots or joints,so everytime you shift or move they throb and burn, disturbed at the smallest of motions.

“You're not the one to think about the consequences, are you?”, you ask when he finishes, voice quiet and raspy from screaming.

"No one will find you".

"I am one of the Tsaritsa's most trusted servants, of course they will find me", you pretend you don't hear desperation in your own voice.

"Time will show", Diluc says philosophically, looking as gentlemanly as possible despite him torturing you seconds ago.

"Yes, it will", you agree with him, picturing the bastard's face once he gets thrown in prison.

He leaves the room and you allow yourself to slump, careful not to move burned areas too much, and then he returns again, this time with food and medicine. He works fast at bandaging and disinfecting the burns, seems he is as intent at patching you up, as he is at tearing you apart. As he swathes another burn, you look at the brought food.

It’s unlikely he would drug it to make you tell the truth, given that he already tortures you and he doesn’t seem to be a type to play mind games. It still could be laced with poison though, not lethal one, that would be counterproductive, but the one that can cause pain and tremors all over your body. You’ve seen such substance at work once, when Il Dottore decided to show you the fruits of his experiments - victims were thrashing and shaking on the floor once a five minute mark had been passed, by the twentieth they already admitted to all crimes, regardless of how innocent they were.

It might be even a new torture method, devised by Diluc, just to strip you from the short respite when you are not in pain. He finally looks up to you, finishing the bandage, noticing the stare you look at the food with. "It's not poisoned" he guesses your thoughts, taking a small bite and a sip to prove his words. A minute passes, then the second and the third ones, nothing happens with him, no blushing or paling skin, no wide blown or pinprick pupils, nothing. It still could be a slow acting poison, but you doubt it - they're usually harder to cure, Diluc wouldn't willingly consume it given the long list of aftereffects that remain even after antidote was administered.

Thankfully, he doesn’t stay to feed you, leaving you with food alone. It’s a potato hash browns, absolutely unseasoned and cold. You almost swallow them whole from hunger, realizing how starved you are once the smell of food reaches you. After a day(?) of fasting, satiation hits you full force, drowsiness pulling at every muscle. The tableware he brought is metallic and easily bends, so you can't smash it and use sharp pieces, nor are there any utensils to weaponize. You lay down on the side, as something falls on you. It's a stone.

Your hands take it, feeling its shape - mostly smooth with one angular protrusion. It's not sharp or pointed enough for you to cut through the bindings, but with enough time and effort it can break the rope with friction alone. You begin to work, grating the rope again and again, fighting off the sleepiness.

***

Diluc nods to Adelinde, as he returns from Mondstadt after signing the contract with winesellers from Inazuma. She understands this wordless gesture, starting to talk: “The.. guest you brought has eaten, last time I checked they still were awake. I did my best to be quiet, master Diluc”.

He dismisses her, thanking for her observations and decides to go down himself. A strange sort of fascination fills him, as he turns the key in the lock, that also prompts a burning shame that he grew accustomed to in the last few days.

It’s an awful thing, to find pleasure in another’s suffering - a trait of a heartless monster, as his father once said, but despite the chagrin he still can’t help but feel a quickening of the pulse as a pained whimper escapes your lips. It’s addicting honestly, to have you of all people, naked and trembling and helpless at his total control, when you were so close to ending his life just a couple of months ago. He supposes it's a type of karmic punishment to you, a fatui harbinger, no doubt a killer and horrible person - you deserve it, he tells to himself - you deserve it for being a fatui.

Moreover, you are not only a terrible, terrible person that deserves much more gruesome torture that he allows, you are also a source of priceless information - how many lives will be saved and avenged if you just tell him what fatuis plan to do. You are a harbinger, you are bound to know something, unlike most of the fatui.

Diluc carefully glances at you as he enters - you are still sitting in the same spot he left you in, head slumped low and shoulders relaxed. It seems you are asleep. He still makes his way to you, steps slow and quiet. Your hands are bound with rope and Diluc knows how much the rough fiber pulls and chafes at skin, grating it to the blood and ropeburns - he needs to use this short respite to quickly disinfect and bandage you again.

Diluc crouches down, as you twitch and then something aims for his head, he flinches a second too slow to dodge. You nearly manage to hit him right in the temple. His head almost splits in half from the burst of pain, vision blurry and disoriented.

You quickly stand, enduring the pain from the burns and make your way to the room. Diluc runs after you, panic and anger distorting his face in equal manner - he can’t let anyone see you like that! - but you manage to lock him in using his own keys. He kicks and thrashes the door, angry at himself for not carrying claymore with him, as something loudly collides with the wall at the other side. He hears a short surprised yelp and whimper - your whimper and the too familiar footsteps descending down the stairs- Adelinde.

“Master Diluc? Is everything okay?”, the headmaid unlocks the room, concern in her voice:”I saw.. the guest running out of the basement, so I pushed them back before other maids could see”

“Everything is fine, check on the Harbinger, I still need intel”.

Turns out, you blacked out upon the impact, a small trail of blood making its way down the head. Diluc is still angry at you, head throbbing and hurting, his hands itching to hit and burn you, but he can’t allow himself to lose control: you are hurt and he doesn’t want to kill you.

In the end, it’s all predictable, Diluc muses, you are an animal first and human second, your allegiance testament to that. He was too soft, too forgiving on you and you decided to twist his kindness like a blade in the back. His head still hurts, but he finally calms, reasoning your attack as an outlash of a mindless beast.

He carries your limp body in hands, finally taking out of the basement and takes you to one of the guest rooms at the second floor of the winery - it’s a risky move, but you injured your head and in Diluc’s experiences such traumas almost always carry a great risk - maybe you will even forget who you are and there’ll be no one for Diluc to interrogate to.

Placing your body on the bed he clasps a cuff around each of your limbs and gags and blindfolds you. After a second, he asks Adelinde for cotton and stuffs your ears full of it.

Human mind stripped of all stimuli is such a dangerous thing, tearing itself apart.

***

You wake up to darkness and silence, head slightly pulsing from pain. You lie on some sort of very soft bed, silk smooth sheets consuming and hugging most of your body as you wiggle your limbs, tugging at the cuffs.

A small wave of panic washes over you, as you remain absolutely blind and deaf to the world, but you try to remain calm, unsure if Diluc is standing near or not. The bindings on your hands are made of iron now, so you soon stop, knowing it's a futile thing. The only thing you can do is wait.

You don't know how much time passes between you regaining consciousness and the air shifting around you. Having been stripped of both sight and hearing, your other senses became a bit sharper, mind focusing on them to compensate. It's a subtle change of pressure but you still feel it, it's enough for you to guess where this person stands. Suddenly hands grope at you, touching and probing the place near burns. You would scream if it wasn’t for the gag, from pain and violation alone. It's a smaller palms, judging by sensations, they change the bandages. After whoever that was finishes patching you they leave you alone, their departure evoking both relief and sadness - they were a source of stimulations, stimulations that your mind desperately needs.

You start to tug at the bindings again - this time to procure pain, just to feel something again. You are bored, you are in pain and you are scared - not the best combination. Soon, you decide to distract yourself from ever increasing boredom with memories. Images of your past life flash and change before you - here’s you playing catch and hide and seek, here’s you receiving a vision, here’s you entering fatui and climbing through the ranks, here's you receiving delusion from Tsaritsa’s own hands and here's you battling Diluc for the first time.

I should have killed him, you think, I should have spent less time talking and more time fighting, the bastard wouldn't live to see another day and I wouldn't be here.

A strange feeling of panic settles in your bones, as you try to occupy yourself, it's subtle but never ending, slowly growing with each second. You try to daydream but you can’t, not when you are cuffed and your body burns. You try to reminisce again, but you can do only so much, memories becoming dull and repetitive. Soon, the subtle panic becomes not so subtle and you realize you are gasping and thrashing, limbs achings as you rub them against the rough shackles.

You must have blacked out or drifted to sleep, because the next time you wake up you feel a bit different - a little cleaner and more sated - they tend to me, when I am unconscious you realize. Diluc wants to limit all interactions I have.

You don't know how much time you spend there in the end, but it has a profound effect on you - at first the concept of sharing fatui plans with your captor seems nonsensical and traitorous, but after a couple of days-weeks(?) of being chained to one place with limited movement and perception, it stops looking like such a bad idea to you.

Time distorts around you, you can't tell how long you were lying there, seconds turning into minutes and minutes into hours and hours into near eternities. At one point you started to cry again, scared and panicked and then you proceeded to scream.

***

Diluc comes to you again, taking out the cotton and blindfold from your person. Your eyes hurt and your head starts to ache again from the rush of noises, and you blink a couple of times to see the man before you. A strange mix of emotions washes over you - you hate Diluc, you truly despise him with every fibre of your being, yet now Diluc is the only person you have, the only person you see. It’s so confusing and overwhelming that you start to cry, unable to process any of the feelings.

Diluc looks as prim and proper as ever, as he shushes your crying and promises to let you go if only you will tell Tsaritsa’s plans. You almost believe him, Fatui secrets dancing at the tip of his mouth, yet you hold on to the pieces of your loyalty, slowly shaking your head. He asks you again, doubt and concern in his voice. It will be better if you tell me, he says, his hand still stroking you, don’t you want to walk and see again?.

His hand stops stroking you, face turning back to stone when you refuse him for the second time. He fixes blindfold and cotton again and part of you is howling - it’s scary, so scary to be left alone with nothing but your thoughts.

This time you start to break far faster, having tasted freedom for a mere second. You break down and tell Diluc everything you know next time he visits. His hand on you feels like salvation and punishment at the same time. At the end of your confession you are too empty, all of your secrets laid before him, no place for sadness or grief left inside of you. You feel whatever was inside of you was scorched off by Diluc and it left you thoroughly burnt. Dead. Made of ash.

“My name is [First]”, you wail and howl, shoulders slightly shaking as you do. You want so much to have some human contact, to hear someone call your name for once.

It’s cathartic in a way, to tell all the secrets your mind has been bustling with ever since becoming a harbinger. He doesn’t flinch or frown when you tell what exactly you witnessed or did, intently listening to each word.

He keeps his promise and uncuffs you from the bed, but you are still not allowed to leave the room, which doesn’t really disappoint you. There are books and a small barred window that opens a view to the wineyard, a feast for the starving mind. You spend at least an hour standing at the window at first, amazed that you can see people working.

He gifts you clothes and other books, assigns a housemaid to look after you, the same one that pushed you down the stairs when you were running away, she doesn’t speak to you, preferring to avoid your gaze.

Sometimes you do feel sad - you betrayed Tsaritsa, you betrayed your homeland, you lost both vision and delusion - but you quickly shove it down, unable to process feelings properly. You know you are defeated, having seen similar behavior from fatui prisoners, and Diluc knows it too, a malice and triumph and satisfaction burning on his eyes, despite the impassive face.

He sees you as a trophy, a reminder of how he reduced the great fatui harbinger to your current condition. He orders you around and punishes when you disobey, calls it reeducation, calls it teaching you how to be a decent person, calls it a punishment for your sins. A part of you wants to retort and point out his own failings, but you stop yourself at the root, unwilling to be stripped from the world again. You comply, you suppress, you break little by little. It all pleases him.

You learn to love what hurt you the most out of pure fear.

***

“First?”, it’s Diluc, shaking you slightly by the shoulders. You snap back to reality, seeing that he already carried you to bed and undressed you.

“I am here, you can continue” you whisper as he leans down to pepper your chest and collarbone with kisses, and then hiss as he bites you.

“Mhm, that’s good,” he says, warm hands traveling down to your thighs, caressing the inner side: “Could you spread them a bit?”

You obey, equally parts scared and excited.

Truly, Diluc is the best thing that happened in your life.

Note: All fatui harbinger names are taken from commedia dell'arte. Innamorati are a couple of lovers, madly in love with each other and with the idea of being in love. I thought it would be ironic.

[goldenavenger02]

I can't be alone with all that's on my mind

But the hatred took over, after all. He should've been the green ninja. He should've been the one who was chosen to defeat The Overlord. "I don't want to control it! This isn't anything I don't already feel!"

Takes place after The Forgotten Element

•••

Kai's stomach convulsed as he gripped onto the toilet seat tightly, his knuckles going white.

As soon as the horror had sunk in that Skylor and Lloyd were injured by his greed and that Skylor had been taken, he had bolted to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet in time before his stomach spilled over.

Which brought him to where he was now, bent over sick in the small bathroom just outside of the main room.

•••

"You have to destroy the staff, Kai!" Lloyd pleaded, running up to him as he continued to blast Chen's lackies.

"Chen was right! This thing's awesome!"

"Kai, it holds too much power! Destroy it!" He heard Lloyd say to someone "if we don't get that staff out of his hands-!"

"No one is taking my staff!" He yelled, anger in his voice. This was his now. He deserved it, after all. Lloyd just wanted to be the special one again. "You had all the power, now it's my turn!"

He shook the thoughts out of his head briefly, glaring at the offending object. "What am I saying? I can't… I can't control it!"

But the hatred took over, after all. He should've been the green ninja. He should've been the one who was chosen to defeat The Overlord. "I don't want to control it! This isn't anything I don't already feel!"

"No, Kai! Don't!" Lloyd pleaded, his arm in front of Skylor. A pathetic attempt to stop him, really, as he started to use the powers, the rush flowing through his body

"I should've been the green ninja!"

And with that, he launched the blast, watching the terror in their faces. He relished it with a grin.

•••

"Kai?" A voice broke him out of his thoughts, resulting in a shudder. He couldn't quite place who it was, but then it came again. "Kai, can I come in?"

A cough cut him off from responding to Cole, but he swallowed it back. "Yeah."

The door opened and Cole sat on the floor next to him, setting his hand against his back, "FSM, you're sweating through your gi." He heard him mutter under his breath, "I brought some water if you're up to it."

Kai shook his head; he wasn't very nauseous anymore, but he also wasn't sure he could keep anything down just yet since the nausea was now being replaced by the sinking feeling of guilt.

"Sensei G's got Lloyd," Cole spoke, clearly knowing exactly what Kai was thinking, "He's got some burns, and he's kinda weak from the whole "powers being sucked out of him" thing, but he's gonna be okay."

Kai nodded, but then the second thought came to his head. 'Nya still thinks I betrayed her and everyone else.'

Once again, Cole cut him off before he could even speak. "Lloyd explained the whole thing, they're not mad. Nya said your plan was dumb, but that was it."

Kai couldn't hold back his chuckle at the mental image of Nya critiquing his plan, but it was short-lived. 'Skylor's still hurt. And missing.'

"No one blames you, you did what you thought was right." Cole spoke softly, gently setting his hand on Kai's shoulder, who finally mustered up the strength to move away from the toilet and take the cup of water from Cole's hand, muttering under his breath as he drank.

"Don't think telling Lloyd that I should've been the green ninja before blasting him was right."

"You weren't in your right mind, the staff-"

"The staff brought out my subconscious thoughts that I've had since we found out about the prophecy." Kai interrupted, setting the empty glass down on the floor.

"The staff makes one greedy, power hungry. I don't know how it does it, but it obviously does. The reason it had no effect on Chen was because the dude was already cuckoo for cocoa puffs," Kai couldn't hold back a snort at the ridiculous phrasing, "and if you don't believe me, you can go ask Lloyd for his two cents."

Kai sighed. He knew he should talk to Lloyd, at least see that he was okay for himself, but at the same time, he had hurt Lloyd, the one he swore to protect when he was fully aware of what he was doing.

"It's up to you. Alternatively, you could help us try to find Chen, but considering you just threw up your guts, I'd go with the safer choice of talking to Lloyd."

Kai used the wall to pull himself to his feet, hitting the knob on the toilet before allowing Cole to support some of his weight since his legs were still shaking before speaking.

"Take me to Lloyd."

•••

Lloyd winced as Nya wiped at the cut on the side of his cheek.

While most of his injuries were from his fight with Chen, that one had occurred when the jet crashed into the basement and the staff hit him across the face as it flew out of Kai's hand.

Although, if he was being completely honest, he didn't remember much of the whole situation.

•••

Lloyd winced as he was pulled to his feet by two of the lackies who kept referring to themselves as Kapow and Chop, his side throbbing horrendously from his fight with Chen.

Despite trying to fight back, he was weak both physically and emotionally, not to mention the vengestone keeping his hands behind his back.

As he was forced down the halls and the echoes of the large serpent hit his ears, he fought back the tears that wanted to stream down his face.

'How could Kai do this? How could he hurt the team like this?' He tried to push back the selfish thought of 'how could he hurt me like this?' and tried to replace it with 'how could he do this to Nya?' but he couldn't do it.

As the chanting grew louder, he tried one more time to break out of the two men's hold, but one just kicked him in the leg, forcing him forward into the large room all four of them had snuck into on their first night here.

But Cole and Jay were nowhere to be seen, and as he looked at Chen, Clouse and Skylor who were surrounded by guards, he swallowed harshly, seeing Kai standing next to them.

The chanting rang in his ears as he was forced to kneel, the vengestone quickly being replaced by two giant chains attached to the floor.

He looked up as footsteps approached, seeing Kai grow nearer; the sadness and fury consumed him as he demanded, his voice thick with tears. "Why would you help them?"

"Don't worry," Kai insisted in a hushed tone, but as Clouse approached, he raised his voice, "it won't hurt. Much." Before walking away from him with a cackle, the chanting stopped altogether.

Lloyd watched as Skylor offered herself willingly to the spell, a pit growing in his stomach as she cried out in agony.

He had to shut his eyes.

But the cries stopped shortly afterwards and he opened his eyes, only to see Chen approaching him with a wicked grin on his face and his stomach dropped in fear.

"And now for the final element," the staff was pointed towards him and out of the corner of his eye, Lloyd saw Kai turn away, "only one can remain."

The white light surrounded him, and he was immediately hit with a searing pain in his chest that sent him to his knees before forcing a scream from his throat.

It was over fairly quickly, but he collapsed onto his hands and knees, trying to regain his breath as his body, now weaker than ever and heaved harshly.

•••

"Alright, that's the last injury," Nya announced, bringing Lloyd out of his thought process to see a joking smile on her face, "unless you're hiding something from me."

"No, you got everything. Thank you." Lloyd smiled softly, receiving a hand in his hair and he couldn't hold back his laughter because of just how normal that was.

"I'm gonna go help them find Chen, but your dad is right outside if you need anything. Get some rest."

Lloyd nodded, watching as Nya exited the room before laying down on his back, biting back the sharpness of the bruising from where he was thrown by Chen with his own abilities directly into the leaderboard.

The pain dulled out enough for him to close his eyes and try to let sleep take him when the door opened and two sets of slow footsteps approached him.

He couldn't stop from flinching due to the sting as a hand gently touched his burned wrist, but he instantly regretted it when he heard the voice. "Lloyd? Are you awake?"

'Kai'

Lloyd opened his eyes, blinking away the blurriness to see Cole and Kai standing over him. "Yeah, I'm awake," he noticed the guilty look on Kai's face, as well as the paleness, "you okay?"

"I should be the one asking you that."

"I will be," Lloyd nodded, getting a good look at Kai's face and already knowing that if he was gonna get any information out of him, they needed to be alone, "Cole, can you-"

"Yeah, I need to talk to your dad anyways," Cole smiled, winking to ensure he got the hint before making his way out of the room.

The door barely closed before Kai spoke up, "Lloyd, I am so sorry about all of this."

"You did what you thought was best, I can't blame-" Lloyd started, but he was cut off quickly.

"I meant the staff."

'Oh'

"Kai, that wasn't your fault-"

"I could have killed you!" Kai shouted, cutting Lloyd off again, "I could've killed you and Skylor, I said things to you that I haven't believed in years!" He had tears coming down his face now even though his cheeks were still red with frustration, "I hurt Skylor, I hurt Nya… I hurt you."

Lloyd wasn't thinking when he wrapped his arms around him, all he knew in that moment was that he needed Kai to stop crying, to stop feeling so bad for something that wasn't even his fault.

He felt hot tears soaking his shoulder as Kai's body shook against him, like he had been holding this in for a long time. 'How do I make him see that it isn't his fault?'

•••

Garmadon wasn't sure what he was expecting when Kai came out of the small room that his son was currently residing in while he recovered.

He definitely wasn't expecting him to come out with tears in his eyes and bright red cheeks though.

"Kai, are you alright?" He asked softly, in order to avoid startling the obviously in distress teenager.

"Yeah," he stopped to wipe his face on his sleeve, "yeah, I'm okay?"

Garmadon raised an eyebrow before motioning him closer. "Take a walk with me, Kai."

"No, you need to stay with Lloyd-"

"Just down the hall and back," Garmadon didn't like the idea of leaving his son, but he also knew that the majority of the elemental masters were nearby, and if there was an emergency, they would be informed before anything could happen to Lloyd, "Lloyd will be fine."

Kai relented after that and the two of them started walking at a steady pace with only the silence lingering in between them.

"You know, Kai," Garmadon spoke softly, watching as the fire elemental's gaze met his, "when I was bitten, I did a lot of things that I didn't have control over. I became corrupted and hurt a lot of people I care about. My brother, my wife, you four ninja, even Lloyd."

Garmadon heard Kai's breath hitch and saw a few tears forming in his eyes. "But after my son saved me, you all forgave me even though I didn't feel as though I deserved it. I still don't know how all of you did that so easily."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, it took me awhile to forgive you for all of that." Kai said in a joking tone, even if his voice was thick from crying and the tear stains on his cheeks were becoming fresh again.

Garmadon shot him a soft smile before continuing, "there are things in this world that we cannot control, things that have to balance out. Although it takes time to heal from those things, to forgive ourselves for those things, that doesn't mean we can't let others forgive us for them and to give us a second chance."

Kai wiped his face on his sleeve again and Garmadon put his hand on his shoulder, feeling his body shake under his touch.

"You don't have to forgive yourself right away from what happened with the corruption from the staff. In fact, I wouldn't expect you to do so. But letting the others in, letting them give you a second chance… It's a good place to start."

Kai nodded, tears rushing down his cheeks at full speed now, "I'll do that."

"Good man," Garmadon smiled as the two of them turned to make their way back down the hall, "and if you need someone to talk to about this again, my door is always open."

"You don't have to-"

"I'll have none of that," Garmadon shook his head, "You will come to me if you need someone to talk to about this again."

"Is that an order?" Kai smiled, the tears finally starting to slow and his mood was clearly starting to brighten, given that his sass was coming back.

"Yes, it is." Garmadon nodded, seeing that he had accomplished what he set out to do, "do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Sensei Garmadon." Kai winked as the two stopped in front of the door, his demeanor growing serious again, "I'm gonna go help them find Chen."

"Very well." Garmadon smiled, watching as Kai pulled his hood over his head before running to join the others outside.

[dangermousie]

CFC 194

1. He is going home now and the most the treatment achieved is a sort of stasis and not dying for the time being. Which is very symbolic for XQC’s whole state - he’s not living, he’s existing.

2. He is so getting bionic eyes! Meatbun was gonna have him have them in her original concept where he was an inventor and HY was an android and I love that while she scrapped the setting, she’s gonna keep that! Because the doc mentioned eye implants that are as good as normal eyes and XQC is all no thanks even tho he can barely see and you know, he’s gone beyond treating himself as a machine into the depths of self-loathing because if he was merely a machine, a machine is kept in the best shape and properly repaired. He scoffs at the doctor who says:

But that doctor is 100% correct. He really behaves as if his initial wild thought that HY, who always loved his eyes, took one as he left and if it makes him happy that’s fine, is the truth.

Side note - so is he blind in one eye and blurry in the other? I am a little confused.

3. XQC melting at his tiny niece is EVERYTHING and I love it when XX realizes the baby can help anchor him to the world. And then the kid is clinging to him and kissing his cheek and he’s putting her inside her jacket and going ”dress her warmer, hold her safer” to WDH and XX and I am melting! And his niece becomes obsessed with him and just wants to follow him around and they do say kids and dogs are good judges of character (What if WDH and XX die at some point because Meatbun is brutal to her het couples and he’s left with the baby niece? However cute XQC is with the toddler, pls no.)

4. I love the image of XQC holding sleeping Ya Ya on his chest in the sun. Auntie Li may be right that it’s a pity he didn’t have his own kids but despite HY’s best tries, it is biologically impossible, sorry Auntie! (Also, forgot to mention earlier but we did get our time jump - two years from the last chapter. So HY would be 23 in whatever hellhole he’s at, and XQC is 36. We still got 2 years to go until their final ages and I am, as always, terrified.

5. CM and XQC meet and XQC answers an implied question that yes nobody can replace HY still. I love that it’s noted CM is a normal person and if he can’t get his feelings returned he’d slowly give up, not like HY.

And that is why I love Meatbun protagonists. Because no matter what, they love utterly and with all their souls, blood and bones.

6. There is now a mysterious associate of Duan Wen who nobody has ever seen, very capable, called Devil, who is Chinese and is about to enter the country soon. Hmmmm. I wonder how Meatbun knew my favorite Marvel cinematic universe character is:

And is giving me in danmei form (unrelated side note, always open for stucky fic recs, thanks :P)

7. Ohoho tell me more!

8. Screaming! But of course!!! And I bet it took most of those almost 3 years to brain wash him into this!

And I bet I know exactly why Duan Wei had He Yu reveal himself in such a public manner - it’s a giant eff you to everyone trying to catch him and bring him down - see, I can make even the person who caused me the most damage to serve me and be a proper member of my org (or maybe you are gonna think he was one from the start and it was a double fake out.) I am invincible ahaahahah etc.

9. Something tells me we will continue to get XQC pov for quite a while since HY’s brain is likely scrambled like an eggs benedict. i wonder if it’s more of Taxian Jun scrambled (in which case prepare for craycray dubcon) or Gu Mang scrambled (in which case prepare for deep non stop sadness of G-rated variety.) Probably more the former I think, if I were a betting person.