#also the weather fucking sucks and i have no plans for going out bc nothing interesting is happening and there’s nothing i wanna do even as

[fagmegumi]

Case in point i woke up at 12 today ate half a slice of apple tart with coffee and a cigarette now its 3pm im still not hungry ill probably have a half assed linner at 5 or so and in the meantime. more cigarettes 👍

[munamania]

so right a couple of my film friends and i met last night to do wine and glee and i left and tried to catch a bus in our gross rainy cold weather and so when it finally comes im just like zoo wee mama my glasses r fogging up and all that shit. but who of course is on the bus but my one friend the main perpetrator of acting like im some flaky cunt (rant city below)

so i guess technically this wouldnt look great on my part bc i was obviously Somewhere and had been ignoring the group chat making plans but oh my GOD whatever who careessssss who Cares. so im like fucking phenomenal ok walk back Omg hi and she moves her shit so i can sit and i get settled and am like hey. and she asks what i was up to and ofc when i say anything bc this is fucking awkward shes just got this stupid smug little smile but i was just sitting there like bitch im not gonna sit here and act embarrassed for seeing my other friends so i was just like So are u guys doing x tn and shes like mhm yep are you coming and i was like well gee i dont know. sarcastic shrug. make conversation about the timing of the place for a second kinda jokin then awk silence

and so then because im a chill normal adult and am aware that shes about to go meet the group of friends and no matter what this interaction is going to be brought up and i had been planning on composing a levelheaded text but i just said Look im sorry that i ghosted you guys (and shes again smug smiling nodding next to me. girl.) i just honestly got tired of feeling like im being singled out and judged when i cant make it to something and she literally is just like Well im sorry you feel that way just u know we do try to come up w different days etc (if u like me are bad at reading between the lines this was a non apology and defense based on uh Nothing) and i was like right well ik last semester wasnt great it's just that sometimes i feel like im being shunned in the group chats when no one answers or reacts to anything i say and the other day when you said like. yk the 'could u commit' thing that felt really sort of condescending

and shes like again well im sorry u felt that way i was just trying to find another day that u could actually make it cause i wanted us all to be there so im not really sure how that came across as condescending but um yeah. and i, jackass that i am (<3) pulled out my phone and pointed and said Well u see we didnt have actual plans and in fact no one answered when i said anything abt it and yk things come up and so for me to have sent this whole nice thing and just get 'do you think youd be able to commit' in response felt a little bit needlessly mean (and i also tried to earnestly say at some point in all this that i genuinely do love and care for them and want to see them but yk this Sucks and was just bad timing)

THEN we somehow spin into her going Well i just had no idea this was even a thing until you brought it up just now i mean i wasnt even thinking abt it ive never really thought that of you etc and so then im sitting here feeling like im being gaslit in real time not to be dramatic and i felt very much like when i was in high school and people manipulated me bc i was a very easy target (its not that real but w/e) and so im like Ok be calm but dont just like let that slide cause girl be serious (prob should have but what ever) so i was like well you know i do apologize if i just couldnt tell your intent over text, but after you guys never answered me about hanging out and then the short responses like maybe u can kind of see where i felt like you were being rude (didnt say it quite that bluntly w/e)

and she pulls out the big card. the. well i just think youre being defensive. oh years and years of being the youngest and punished for um having feelings lmfao slammed me in my chest at that moment. and i calmly said Okay cool i think youre being defensive. and i lit missed my bus stop cause this driver was swerving so then i was just like Well you guys have fun maybe ill see you tonight bye. so. really feeling awesome abt the state of that. in all reality tho it's like i hung out w some friends and then went out to the gay bar w others and danced and etc and i can only imagine how much of a Thing this was for them so. if someone could win it'd be me right

(on another note at some point during this ride sams roommate requested to follow me back <3 which i had been pretending not to think abt for the last couple hours) anyway

this has been a post let me know if im being normalish

[v-hope]

One Way Ticket

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader (ft. Yeontan bc Family)

Genre: Flufffff, established relationship, long distance relationship (not for long), and like, slight angst at the beginning if you squint your eyes and do a backflip

Word Count: 4k

Summary: Long distance relationships are never an easy thing, and although you and Taehyung had managed to make it work for four years and were used to not seeing each other that much already, he couldn’t help but feel like his birthday was ruined at the news of you being stuck at the airport due to a bad weather flight delay. However, although things didn’t quite go to plan, it only took for you to arrive two hours before the day was over for it to be his happiest of birthdays so far.

A/N: Hellooo, well, obviously this is for my man’s birthday 🥳💝 This story takes place in my Red Flags series’ timeline since one of you requested it and I thought it would be really cute, but you don’t need to have read it to understand what’s going on here. I hope you guys enjoy! please let me know your thoughts~

“You were supposed to be here today” Taehyung reminded you, unconsciously tightening his hold on the phone as his low voice did a good job at letting you know just how upset he was.

You sighed, that alone letting him know you weren’t having a good time with said fact that was just not happening anymore either. “I can’t control the weather, love…”

Now, he knew that. Of course he knew that. But right then, he really fucking wished you did control the weather. That way you wouldn’t be stuck in another continent still due to a snowstorm that had delayed, if not cancelled, all flights that week — a stupid snowstorm that was keeping you away from him for longer than you should have.

It was a joke. It had got to be a joke.

That was what Taehyung kept telling himself throughout the whole phone call, and continuing to believe —to wanting to believe— so even after you hung up.

You were supposed to arrive that night. That had been the plan all along. All his schedule he had rearranged so he could make sure that particular night he would spend with you. Just you and him. Since the very next day, also known as his birthday, he would have to go to rehearsal for BTS’ presentation on the 31th like every other year, he was looking forward the most to this night. He had it all planned out. Your flight would arrive at 8pm, he would pick you up and then the two of you would have dinner together back at your —now— shared place. You would wait up until midnight, have some cake afterwards, and then stay up late so you could, well, catch up on a few coupley things you had been missing out on for a good while now. After all, you had not seen each other in nearly five months.

It was funny, how he used to always say he would never be able to do long distance relationships when he was younger, yet here he was now, four years —and going strong— into one. It was hard as hell, he could not deny it, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way, not as long as he got to be with you in the end. And at the end of the day it was all worth it, for you had finally graduated uni back home, managed to find a job in Seoul, and were now moving in with him like the two of you had agreed on a long time ago, once you realised you were most definitely sticking together for as long as your lives allowed you to. So, even if he had to wait a little longer to see you, this time it was different, for you had only gotten a one way ticket, and he would never again have to drop you off at the airport and cling on to you like his life depended on it, somehow being harder for him to let go of you as the years went by.

Nevertheless, it sucked. Right then, it really fucking sucked. Five months had gone by without seeing you already and turns out he would now have to wait one or even two more days than planned? Bullshit. And that if he was being optimistic, because he swore to God he would lose his shit if you had to spend New Years Eve on a plane, alone. Not like you were spending it together to begin with either, since he had that thing to attend to, but you would at least have a good time with some of the friends you had made during the time you had stayed in Seoul for your uni’s exchange program, and who had now invited you over to a party you had oh-so-excitedly told him about.

That night, Taehyung went to bed late. Still wanting to believe with everything in him you were just pulling a prank on him like you loved to do every now and then, and that you would walk through the front door anytime with that tired face of yours after the long ass flights to Korea he was so used to by then — the same exhausted face that would light up as a bright smile took over your factions instead at the sight of him.

However, that night, you did not make it home. What you did make it to instead, was to be the first one to congratulate him on his day. Over the phone, yes, with the airport’s background noise and not in person like he had wanted to, yet there you were being once again the first one to do so, at exactly 00:00. And somehow, that alone was enough to make him happy before going to sleep. Not as happy as he would’ve been with getting to sleep with you in his arms, of course, but happy nevertheless.

He did not lose faith, though. The next morning, as he got ready to head out to rehearsal, he kept glancing at his apartment’s door over and over, still waiting for it to burst open anytime and for you to walk inside right after.

When that didn’t happen, he looked forward to the moment his members brought him his birthday cake as they waited in the dressing rooms for their turn to rehearse. Now, the guys hadn’t told him they were bringing him cake, but after all these years it was pretty much a given. And it would only make sense that you were there, right? Whether it was bringing the cake to him as everyone in the room sang the traditional birthday song to him, or showing up as a surprise right after.

Once that didn’t happen either, he couldn’t hide his disappointment anymore — still being grateful to everyone else for trying to make his special day a memorable one, yet not being able to fully enjoy it without you there. Even falling in the cliché of wishing for you to be there as he blew out the candles. That was truly all he wanted, after all.

And once his schedule for the day was finally cleared up, his last hope was walking into the apartment that night and seeing you already there waiting for him.

Again, that didn’t happen.

Biting the inside of his cheek as he walked into an empty apartment, although Yeontan was there to excitedly welcome him back home and had managed to bring a weak smile to his face, he couldn’t help but feel his eyes well up with tears. Telling himself over and over how stupid it was to be upset over something neither of you could control, he contemplated calling you for a few seconds, shaking that thought off with a tilt of his head and deciding to go take a hot shower instead. No matter how bad he wanted to, if he did call you, he knew for sure he would end up being even more upset than he already was, and then you would end up being upset as well, and that he did not want.

Not even bothering on drying his hair later that night, he changed into his pyjamas and called Tan to go keep him some company like it was usual by then. Watching the fluffy dog make himself comfortable on the mattress, Taehyung turned the lights off so he could get into bed for once and for all — wanting nothing but to sleep that day off so you would hopefully be there by the morning. Although it would no longer be his birthday, he wished he could at least get to spend some time together before he had to head out once again.

Before he could completely doze off, however, he felt Yeontan snap up from his sleep and effusively wave his tail from side to side as he ran to the closed door of the bedroom. Letting out a tired groan, Taehyung glanced over at the clock on his nightstand, staring at the number ten on it for a second before he turned the lamp on and fixed his eyes on his excited pup.

“I already fed you,” his voice came out hoarse at the lack of speaking, catching Tan’s attention for a second there before he was back at barking at the door. “Don’t tell me you want to go to the b—”

That’s when the sound of a key making it inside the front door’s lock caught his attention. And, you see, only two people had a key to the apartment. One was his, of course, and the other one, much to his excitement right then, was yours.

Not even having time to catch his breath, he jumped off the bed and opened the bedroom’s door, watching Yeontan sprint down the already illuminated hallway as you had just turned its lights on — a huge smile parting his lips at the sight of you, not being able to hold back a giggle of his at the way you had panicked and closed the door harder than you had intended to, so Tan wouldn’t be able to run out of the apartment.

“Tan-ie bean!” you excitedly greeted the pup first thing as he reached your side.

Struggling to move past your suitcase, you managed to kneel down to pet the cute ball off fluff with one hand as you held the other one as far up as you could, holding a strawberry cupcake with a single candle on it that you had already lit up right before coming in — maybe not your brightest of ideas.

Staring up at your boyfriend, who was still on the other end of the hallway, you smiled brightly and stood up straight as he came closer. “Happ—”

Before you could even finish what you had initially planned to sing and had by then settled for cheerfully chanting instead, Taehyung had already pulled you into his arms — unintentionally blowing out the candle as he had rushed over to you way faster than he’d like to admit.

“I missed you” he mumbled, wrapping his arms tighter around your figure and burying his face in the crook of your neck as he felt his heart at ease.

You smiled sweetly, wrapping your arms around him as well —being careful enough not to stain his designer pyjamas with the cupcake’s icing— and pressing down a small kiss to his shoulder.

“I missed you, too” you cooed, hearing him giggle when you planted a kiss on his neck this time.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were getting on a plane already?”

“Because I thought I would get here before you came back from rehearsal and I’d surprise you. You know, wait for you with dinner and whatnot…” you pouted. “But then of course I had trouble with my luggage and got here way too late. So I got you a cupcake and a candle instead!”

Taehyung giggled at the way you had ever so cheerfully said that last part, pulling slightly away from your body so he could glance at the cupcake in your hand you had just raised up in a victorious way.

“You could’ve just showed up barehanded, said ‘happy birthday’, and I would’ve been the happiest”.

“You interrupted me when I was about to tell you ‘happy birthday’, though” you huffed over dramatically.

Letting out a light laugh, he securely cupped your face in his warm hands and rested his forehead on yours, smiling blissfully as ever at how close he was able to have you right then, at how he was able to feel your warmness in his hands after all those months. “You can say it again now”.

“But you already blew out the candle” you pouted, bringing the treat closer to him so he could see your point.

“I guess this is the moment my wish comes true then”.

“You didn’t even get to make a wish, you idiot” you rolled your eyes.

“Oh, I did” he nodded his head determinedly. “Earlier today. And not to brag about it, but it already became true”.

“Was it perhaps for me to arrive today?” you coyly batted your eyelashes, earning a very visible roll of eyes from him.

“Cocky, aren’t we?”

“I mean,” you shrugged, taking a step back from him and his hold. “I can always go back home and send your actual wish ov—”

“Yah,” he stopped you as you dramatically turned around to pretend to leave and Yeontan followed right after, pulling you back to him by your wrist. “I didn’t spend pretty much my entire birthday wishing for you to get here so you can leave me just like that” his eyes turned softer, yet still held that playful vibe in them. “Besides,” he pulled you closer, this time by your waist. “Funny how you said ‘go back home’ when this is your home now, baby” your heart skipped a beat at his remark, appreciating the way he looked up and puckered his lips as he pretended to fall deep in thought. “Hm… Maybe I misheard”.

You giggled at the way he had copied your overdramatic ways, bringing your free hand up to sweetly caress his cheek. “My bad, love”.

Taehyung smiled, with that boxy smile you fell in love with years ago, and nodded softly to let you know it was alright. “Can I get my birthday kiss now?” he murmured, ever so faintly brushing his longing lips against yours. “I’m kinda dying over here”.

Shaking your head in amusement as you laughed, you bit your lower lip. “Just kiss me already, you dork”.

So he did, not even dreaming of wasting another second before his lips hungrily crashed against yours. He had missed you like crazy, he always did, but right then, as your soft lips were pressing on his and your hand made its way from his cheek to the back of his head, entangling your fingers in his still damp hair, he realised just how bad he had craved your touch, how bad he had craved you.

Having him deepen the kiss, you couldn’t help but take one step back as you had lost your balance — his hand being quick to bring your body right back to press against his, later resting on your lower back to keep you steady as his other hand firmly cupped your cheek.

“Happy birthday” you mumbled against his mouth when you had pulled away to catch your breath, feeling the corners of his lips curve up before he pressed them to yours once more.

“It is now” he hummed, drawing tender circles with his thumb on your chin and not being able to hold back a giggle when it was you the one to steal a kiss from his mouth right then.

Your breath hitched when you felt his hands made their way down your body, letting out a squeal when they grabbed your thighs and picked you up without a warning — your arms wrapping tightly around his neck and legs around his waist as his hands were firmly placed on your ass to keep you from slipping down while he walked the two of you out of the hallway and into the living room, having Yeontan run past you two and go lie on the couch.

“Yah, I just got here and you’re already going for second base?” you teased him with raised eyebrows.

Taehyung shook his head, cockily raising one of his own. “I’ve earned my right to all bases a long time ago, I don’t know what you’re talking about”.

“Don’t get too cocky, Kim Taehyung” you warned him as he sat you down on the edge of the counter, being careful enough not to knock down one of the pictures of the two of you that were neatly displaying on it. “I might revoke all your rights”.

“You wouldn’t” he daringly squinted his eyes. “Not on my birthday”.

You threw your head back, letting out a loud laugh and placing the cupcake down on the counter before you went back to his eye level. “Only under two hours until it’s over, so...”

“You wouldn’t” he repeated confidently.

“What makes you so sure, old man?”

Shaking his head in amusement and deciding not to comment on the taunting name you had just called him, he didn’t even try to hide the smirk that was curving up the corners of his lips as he leaned in. “I just know”.

Not even trying to play it hard anymore, you met his lips in the middle, humming contentedly when he placed his hand behind your neck so he could take control over the kiss he was not quite willing to let go of yet. And neither were you, which is why your eyes remained closed and your lips slightly puckered up —clearly wanting more— when he suddenly pulled away one minute later.

“Okay, now tell me my birthday present!” he demanded.

Still being too stunned by the intoxicating kiss he had just given you, it took you a second to open your eyes after hearing his muffled yet excited words against your lips — eyes locking with his excited ones as his hands unconsciously rested on your thighs.

“Oh, it’s in my bag!” you jumped up once you managed to understand what he had meant. “Let me go get it”.

Although your words were meant for him to move aside so you could get up on your feet and rush over to the forgotten suitcase on the hallway, Taehyung did not move an inch — if anything, tightening the hold of his hands on your thighs to keep you from going anywhere.

“Not that one”.

Your eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “The cupcake?” you offered, earning a light laugh from him, along with a small shake of his head. “Sex? Because I know I was just threatening with revoking that right, but since it’s still your birthday, I mean...”

Taehyung laughed wholeheartedly, once again shaking his head no as he brought his face closer to yours. “Although I would love that and will take you up on that offer later,” his bold words managed to bring some heat to your cheeks. “That is not what I meant”.

“What did you mean then?”

“Just want you to tell me something...” he hinted, gently caressing your sides. “How long will you be staying, baby?”

You rolled your eyes when it finally hit you what he had meant all along. And you couldn’t help but laugh lightly at how such simple things were the ones that made him the happiest. “Well, considering I only got a one way ticket over here this time,” your heart sped up at the way his smile grew wider at the sound of that. “And that the rest of my stuff will arrive here in a few days… I’d say I’m staying for quite a long, long time”.

“How about forever?” he smiled brightly.

You giggled, tilting your head up in anticipation as you felt him lean in to press his mouth on yours. “I like the sound of that”.

“I love the sound of that” he agreed, pressing another kiss to your smiling lips.

And you truly did, for although you were leaving everything behind, your family, your childhood friends, your culture... it was easy as long as you had him. And even though you knew there would be times homesickness would hit you like a truck, especially when the time came and Taehyung would have to go on tour with his group, you were ready to start your new life here with him. You had already lived here once for a year, after all, the only difference being you now got to live with your long term boyfriend, and, of course, that you wouldn’t have to count down the days until you had to go back home and away from him anymore.

“Everything alright?” he wondered, catching up on the way you had momentarily spaced out.

“Mhm…” you were quick to reassure him with an eager nod of your head. “Now eat your birthday treat before I do” you threatened, grabbing the cupcake that had been lying next to you all along and bringing it up to his face.

Taehyung chuckled, pressing a lingering kiss to your neck that was sweetly followed by another one. “But I have my birthday treat right here…”

Although flustered by both his words and the way his lips kept peppering soft kisses all over the sensitive skin of your neck, you stood your ground. “Pretty sure I’m your girlfriend, but oh well”.

He chuckled once more — before you could react, dipping one of his long fingers on the icing and spreading a good amount of it on your lips. “Now you’re both”.

You didn’t really get to fully laugh at his playful antics before the sound of it was muffled by his mouth sucking on your bottom lip, his fingers holding onto your chin to keep you from pulling away as he deepened the kiss — making sure to remove every last trace of icing on your mouth before he slid his tongue into it.

Breaking the kiss for a brief second for what he thought was to catch your breath before bringing your already swollen lips back to his awaiting ones, he found himself letting his jaw drop when you opened your mouth not to kiss him once more, but to bring the infamous cupcake up to it and loudly bite down on it.

“Yah, that is my strawberry cupcake!” he called you out — although trying to act mad, having a hard time hiding his smile at the way you had just covered your full mouth as you laughed whilst trying to chew right then.

“You weren’t eating it, so…” you shrugged.

Before you could take another bite, however, he grabbed your wrist, quickly moving it up to his mouth instead and shoving the entire baked good into it in just one go.

Petrified after what just happened, you stared at your now empty hand — amazed by the way he had managed not to bite into your fingers with how fast and forceful his mouth had been, before your eyes fixed on your full-mouthed boyfriend as he struggled to chew the whole thing down.

“Mine” he stated, not minding to cover his mouth as he was almost done with it already.

“I tend to forget how big your mouth actually is” you admitted, mindlessly sucking the remains of icing from off your fingers.

Taehyung scoffed, rushing to swallow down so he could properly speak. “You out of all people should know what my mouth can d—”

“You know,” you cut him off before he could pronounce that last letter and bring his cocky point across. “Booking a return plane ticket sounds really tempting right now”.

“Oh, yeah?” he tauntingly raised one of his eyebrows, pulling you closer to the edge of the counter and making you wrap your legs around his waist. “Good thing from now on those return tickets will bring you right back to Seoul”.

That was what made him the happiest. After all those years of buying ticket after ticket, all those years of having to drop you off at the airport so you could go back home, all those years of having to wait for endless months just so you could see each other for a few days, all of that, was over now.

From that night on, this was your home. You, him and Yeontan, and of course, the eventual additions that would be made in a couple of years.

And that was the best part. No matter where you travelled to from now on, you would always just go visit abroad and return right here, back to him — never again being almost about to miss his birthday, for you would both go to sleep and wake up right next to him during all the upcoming ones, just like he had ached you to do every single day ever since you got together four years ago.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[bookish-mind]

I read call down the hawk, here’s my aching heart:

*spoilers*

(I wasn’t planning on making a long post about this book but I couldn’t help myself, I had too much to say and I needed a place to scream about pynch)

“This is going to be a story about the Lynch brothers” I knew that already so why am I crying, already, the first line and I’m crying

It mentioned Ronan living somewhere other than the barns after Niall died and I’m just here like,, you can say Monmouth it’s ok

“Adam Parrish was the destination of this road trip” and “Ronan missed him like a lung” my heart my heart my heart

“the guy he loved” PLEASE

Ronan Lynch upon seeing Adam Parrish for the first time: *literally prays*

I see the obsession with Adam’s hands goes way back

“Funny how quickly a handful of weeks could render something unrecognizable” I know ronan was talking about the weather/the campus but my stomach dropped pls this better not be pynch foreshadowing

Their reunion was so chaotic I’d expect nothing else tbh

The watch keeps track of Ronan’s time zone I can’t-

“He was with Adam, and Adam still loved him” PLS THE USE OF THE L WORD KILLS ME EVERY TIME

“there was burnished Gansey, who might not have saved Ronan’s life in high school, but at the very least kept it mostly out of Ronan’s reach so that he could not take it down and break it” this line bothers me bc gansey literally did save Ronan’s life that was the whole godamn point 🙃

Objectively I understand that the crying club are probly decent ppl but subjectively they ain’t no gangsey that’s for sure

“he longed for him even while holding him” pls the yearning,, it’s too much for my frail heart

Bryde needs to gtfo of Ronan’s head is what need to happen

Who is lindenmere I only know Cabeswater

Ronan is crying I’m crying we’re all crying

It breaks my heart that Ronan is still yearning for something more while the rest of the gangsey are out there living

Gansey is chained to a tree in Oregon, seems legit

Chainsaw knows how to say “Atom” I’m fucking crying

“What, Declan? I’m trying to fucking tow a cow” I love this book

Matthew be like “I’ve been staring at the edge of the water long as I can remember never really knowing why”

I literally had a headcanon that Ronan says I love u to Adam in Latin

“He sucked in more longing with every inhale, he exhaled some of his happiness on the other side” this godamn book I swear 😩

“dreamt of you” AGSHSJAK

Oof I kinda love Parsifal all he wants to do is eat some bienenstich made by his momma

Wait wait wait these Niall and aurora doppelgängers are confusing me

“I saved your life because I love you” HE SAID IT OUT LOUD ! HE SAID IT ! IT HAS BEEN SAID

I know it’s common knowledge at this point that they are in an established loving relationship but it hits me the same every time I’m reminded

“It was possible no two students at aglionby had ever come away with such a thorough understanding of Latin (or, possibly, of each other)” I have no words

Declan Lynch falling in love with a dream? More likely than you’d think

Man I hope at the end of all this Declan gets to punch a judge and go somewhere to live and breathe art for the rest of his life

This whole dreamers are born to die young theme is stressing me out

“Ronan, I know you” literally everything they say to each other knocks the air out of my lungs

“They hugged again, merrily, waltzing messily in the kitchen, and kissed, merrily, waltzing more” brb if you need me I’ll be reading this line over and over again for the rest of eternity

Two things: 1) gansey left his mint plant for Ronan to take care of 2) ronan dreamed a literal sun to keep the plant alive when he could have just as easily put it by a window like a normal person that’s the cutest bro shit I’ve ever seen

“Adam stopped breathing” please stiefvater imagine how tired we are

Also where tf is opal I miss the lil weirdo

“he missed him acutely even as he was looking at him” it’s too much,, it’s all too much

Oh hell ya Ronan and Jordan/Hennessy/all the other girls finally met I been waiting for this one

Waaait is the dark lady seashore niall’s dream space like Cabeswater/lindenmere is Ronan’s ??

Oh Matthew, my sweet boy, he figured out he’s a dream

Jordan. Is. Painting. Declan. I. Can’t. Breathe.

Oh damn ok so the lace is trynna get out and destroy the world ? Is that it ?

Matthew asking “Do I have a soul?” broke me

Matthew said “I’m the fake brother” and Declan uno reversed that shit so fast

Alright lindenmere I see you I see you but the thing is.. I miss my girl Cabeswater

OPAL FINALLY

“He didn’t have it in him to love another dream. It hurt too bad. Loving anything did” ouch :(

Fuck fuck fuck this is the part where chaos erupts

Damn those sundogs are cool af tho

I swear I didn’t breathe until I knew Matthew and Declan were alive holy shit

Declan thinking “The world was broken” and “I never actually lived” </3

Let Ronan and Declan hug each other challenge

Adam Parrish please pick up the goddamn phone I am begging you

The way Hennessy is so in awe that Ronan has complete trust of lindenmere/his subconscious made me ache bc it took a helluva lot for him to get to this point

“Hennessy?” “Lynch.” “I’ve been alone a long time” excuse me I’m gonna need a minute-

The way Ronan describes what the lace is to him,, I’m fucking sobbing

Hennessy and Ronan’s swords are badass

I still don’t trust bryde but he got them out of there so points to him I guess :/

Where’s book 2 I need book 2

[ificanthaveu]

Snow in California || Shawn Mendes

Description: After a snow emergency, Shawn is left having to spend Christmas with your family. It’d be completely fine if it weren’t for the fact that they all assumed he’s your boyfriend.

Description per my notes (aka JUMBLY): you’re stuck in LA for Christmas but lucky for you my family’s here so you can just come with me….except there’s a catch, I told my family I have a boyfriend

A/N: Dani is EARLY with a FIC? ya bc she got plans tonight ope anyway ok this is LOOSELY based on “Snow in California” by Ariana Grande, and that wasn’t on purpose but then I was thinking of a title and I’m like wait it’s kinda like the song so I just rolled with it bc this bitch sucks at titles :) also there’s a lil part that parallels “A Christmas Miracle” and I wanna see if anyone catches it ;)

Word Count: 5.9k

12 Days of Ficmas

You watched the clock carefully, waiting for it to hit noon so Shawn would be done with this interview and you could finally get something to eat. You clicked through emails and scheduled a few more things before it would start to die down with Christmas being two days away.

You got lost in trying to schedule an interview for Shawn when you felt something kick your foot. You looked up to see Shawn looking down at you.

“Ready for some damn lunch?” He said, obviously just as hungry as you were. 

“Hell freaking yes,” you said as you slammed your laptop shut and followed him out the door to your car. 

You threw your bag in the back seat and started down the road to a small restaurant the two of you had been wanting to try. 

“When do you see your family?” Shawn asked once you pulled on top the main road. 

“I’ll probably leave midday tomorrow. See my grandparents on Christmas Eve night, and then hang out with my family on Christmas Day,” you said with a smile, not being able to wait for it to be Christmas. 

“Your flight leaves at 6:00 tomorrow, right?” you said as you glanced over at him.

He nodded his head with a small smile. 

“It’s only three days, but I can’t wait,” he said softly. 

You pulled into the parking lot, and Shawn stayed in the car while you ran in to grab your take out order. You got back in the car and plopped the large bag of food on Shawn’s lap.

“My place or yours?” You asked before you backed out.

“Mine. I need to bounce that song idea off you,” Shawn said. 

You nodded your head, remembering what he had told you before. 

“As long as we’re at that meeting at 5:00, we should be good,” you thought out loud as you turned onto Shawn’s street.

You and Shawn made your way up to his condo, getting ready to eat the food you could smell the whole ride home. 

You opened his door and were met with his cheerfully decorated living room that he spent so much time on. You sat down by the island and started pulling out food, wanting to try a little bit of everything. Shawn sat across from you, taking the food as you handed it to him. 

You ate in silence for a few minutes as you looked at your phones. A weather alert popped up. Blizzards around Toronto. You didn’t say anything, hoping it’d pass by or Shawn would never see it. 

You set your phone down after a while, talking to Shawn about the interview he just did, and your plans for your few days you both got to spend at home. You couldn’t get the blizzard warning out of your head. 

“Hey, did you see the weather warning?” You asked casually. 

Shawn furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. 

“There’s supposed to be blizzards around Toronto starting tonight,” you said slowly and carefully. 

Shawn’s face stayed blank, thinking it through. He picked his phone back up to check his email. His face dropped. 

“My flight was canceled,” he said under his breath. He scrolled mercilessly, trying to refresh the page, hoping this was a mistake. 

“Can you maybe find one for Christmas Eve?” You said, immediately pulling out your laptop to search for a new flight for him.

Thirty minutes of Shawn scrolling on his phone, and you looking at every possible way home on your laptop, it was hopeless. There were no flights going into Toronto until two days after Christmas. 

You sat on the arm of his couch, watching him pace back and forth as he talked to someone from the airport. He tugged at his hair and finally sat down on the edge of the couch right next to you. You moved your hand carefully to his back, rubbing it up and down as he tried to speak calmly to the person on the other end. 

“No…no, it’s fine. I get it. Yeah…thanks anyway,” Shawn said as he hung up the phone throwing it on the ground and resting his head in his hand. 

You continued to rub his back, and after a moment, he leaned into you, resting the side of his head on your knee. You could feel his wet cheeks soaking into your jeans. You threaded your fingers through his hair, not talking quite yet. 

You could feel his body shake as his shoulder bumped against your thigh. You moved your hand back down to his shoulders, resting your hand on his opposite one. 

“I’m so sorry, Shawn,” you finally whispered. 

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he let out a sob he definitely didn’t mean for you to hear. At that, you gently pushed him over a little, moving directly next to him and pulled his head into your chest. He adjusted to lay on the couch, his long legs hanging off the end as he rested his head on your lap and you continued to play with his hair. 

You typed out a quick text to Andrew, telling him what happened. He promptly canceled the meeting that was supposed to happen in an hour and asked if he could help with anything.

But there wasn’t.

Because it was two days before Christmas, and Shawn just found out he can’t spend it with his family. 

Instead of saying that, you just told him you’d let him know. 

You sat there with Shawn’s head laid in your lap for longer than you could keep track of. You watched the sunset from his living room window, still running your fingers through his hair as a gentle reminder that you were there when he needed to talk.

After probably an hour, he finally said, “This fucking sucks,” as he turned over to look up at you.

You nodded your head slowly as you looked down at him, “I know.”

It went silent again as he stared up at the ceiling. 

“What am I going to do?” He said barely above a whisper. 

“Anyone here will be glad to have you over. You could always go with Andrew or Josiah, and my family would love to have you as well,” you said. 

“Would they?” He asked as his voice broke.

You nodded your head and said, “Of course, you know they love you.”

He fell silent as he continued to look up at you, and you awaited his answer. 

“When are you leaving?” He asked.

“Tomorrow around 1:00 probably. We’re just going to my grandparents,” you explained. “And then Christmas morning we have breakfast and open gifts just with my family and spend the day lounging around doing absolutely nothing.”

“Are you sure I wouldn’t be intruding?”

“Shawn, my uncle’s ex-wife’s kids with her new husband came to our family Christmas last year. Trust me, everyone is welcome, especially you,” you said. 

“Ok,” he mumbled. “Should I bring flowers or something?”

“You don’t have to, but my grandma is a sucker for flowers,” you said as a small smile finally spread across his face.

“I feel like I should get your family presents, too,” he said as he thought this all through.

“You know you don’t have to,” you said. “Your presence is gift enough.”

He finally sat up and stood up quickly, stumbling a little as the blood rushed from his head.

“Will you go Christmas shopping with me?” He asked quickly as he glanced at the time. “The mall should still be open for two more hours, and I don’t know what your family likes.”

You nodded your head and stood up, following him to the door and then to his car. 

You took a few minutes in the car to call your parents and let them know. 

“Hello, dear!” Your mom cheerfully answered her phone.

“Hey, how are you doing with the Christmas prepping?” You asked as you played with the bottom of your shirt.

“Really good! I wish you’d bring that boyfriend of yours though,” she said with a huff.

You side glanced at Shawn, hoping he couldn’t hear what your mom was saying to you on the phone. Your mom had been trying to set you up with every guy around your age for the past few months, so you told her you were seeing someone. You “refused to tell her his name” so she didn’t “stalk him on social media,” but really, he just didn’t exist.

“Well, I am bringing someone actually. Shawn’s coming with,” you said.

“I should’ve known Shawn was the guy you were seeing! The way you two are always together even when you’re not working. Oh! Your dad will be so happy to hear this,” she rambled on.

Your eyes nearly bugged out of your head. “Mom, I don’t-“

She cut you off before you could finish, “I gotta go, honey, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

And with that, she hung up. 

You dropped the phone into your lap and banged your head against the window.

A look of panic spread across Shawn’s face.

“They don’t want me to come, do they? I should’ve known. It’s fine, really-“ 

You cut him off, “No, no, they’re really excited you’re coming,” you said with a little too much sarcasm, confusing Shawn further. 

“That doesn’t sound like you’re serious,” he said slowly.

“They think we’re dating,” you said, not daring to look at him, as he whipped his head around to look at you. 

“Why?” Shawn said with a laugh. 

You groaned and rested your face in your hands, shaking your head as Shawn continued to laugh to himself.

“I told them I was seeing someone to get them off my back, and when I saw I was bringing you, she assumed,” you said. “And before I could correct her, she was hanging up on me.”

“If this were to happen to literally anyone, it’d be you,” Shawn said. 

“I’ll call her back later and explain,” you mumbled, looking down at your phone.

“Don’t,” Shawn said quickly.

You looked over at him and raised your eyebrow as he kept his eyes on the road.

“I mean…you’re letting me spend Christmas with your family, the least I can do is pretend to be your boyfriend, so your family gets off your back,” he said. 

You studied him as he stayed serious. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” You said with hesitation evident in your voice.

“[Y/N], it’ll be easy. It’s for three days. I’ve just gotta throw my arm around you occasionally and embellish our everyday stories a little bit. Trust me. No one will even know,” he said with maybe a little too much confidence.

“So, when did we start dating?” You asked him.

“Well, what did you tell your mom?” He turned the question back at you. 

“I first said I was seeing someone…beginning of October? So we’ve been together since September,” you said.

“What day?” He said. 

“Does it matter?”

“Well, yeah. What if someone asks each of us individually what day, and we say different days?” He said.

“Alright, then it was the twelfth,” you said, thinking of a random date. 

“We were in New York that week. Perfect,” he said as he pulled into the parking lot of the mall. “How did we find out we had feelings for each other?”

“You wrote a song about me,” you said with admiration in your eyes and a hand to your heart. 

He gave you a look, “Really?”

“Yes, really. Come on, it’s really not difficult to believe at all,” you said with a scoff. 

“Is it?” He asked as he parked and got out of the car. 

You followed suit and walked towards the entrance with him. 

“You write songs about every girl that’s looked at you. Of course, you wrote one about me,” you said.

“Ouch,” he said under his breath. 

“You’re only saying that because I’m right,” you taunted. 

“Ok, fine. I wrote a song about you. How did you find out it was about you?” He diverted.

“You played it for me, and you referenced a specific memory that happened between the two of us. So I was able to put two and two together,” you said as the two of you walked in and started walking down the first row of stores. 

“And what’s the memory?” He continued.

“I’m doing all the hard work. You pick the memory,” you said, turning into one of your sister’s favorite stores. 

“Does it have to be a real memory, or can I make that up?” He said as you tried to find the sweater your sister wanted.

“It probably should be real, so we can stay as close to the truth as possible,” you said. 

“Alright…” he trailed off, thinking about his time spent with you. “That time we went shopping at midnight, and then you got me in that car accident.”

“It was not my fault!” You defended as you threw the sweater at him. “She’s been looking at this for weeks, and my mom couldn’t find it anywhere. She’ll love you forever.”

Shawn held up the sweater and nodded his head, “Perfect. And it was totally your fault.”

You and Shawn wandered around the mall as you helped him pick out gifts for your family. Two hours later and you walked out with four gifts and the perfectly fabricated story. 

It was late by the time you got back to your apartment, plopping down on the couch, wanting to go to bed, but knowing you had nothing packed yet. 

Shawn was coming over at 8:00 the next morning to ensure you had all your lies in order, so the packing had to be done now. 

You slowly got up and trudged to your bedroom. You grabbed the outfit you were wearing for Christmas Eve and hung it up on your door to put on the next morning. You threw your Christmas pajamas and your Christmas Day outfit along with some other clothes into a suitcase. 

After packing everything up, you sat on the edge of your bed and stared at your dresser in front of you. On top of it sat a little black box. The gift you’d picked out for Shawn weeks ago.

You had contemplated whether or not you had wanted to give it to him since the moment you ordered it. You knew he’d like it. But you didn’t want him to think it was something someone who was “more than a friend and a coworker” would give him. Even though you definitely wanted that. 

You stood up and grabbed the box, opening it up to run your finger across the cool metal of the bracelet, an almost exact replica of the one he had lost when you were in New York. 

You closed it back up and put it in the bag of gifts for your family. It’d make this relationship more believable. You’d at least try to convince yourself of that. 

You tossed and turned all night, and so did Shawn.

He couldn’t stop stressing over how he was going to ruin this. He ran every single possibility through his head, and he just knew he was destined to somehow mess up the story. 

Of course, it was incredibly hard to mess it up since most of it was true. He had fallen for you in September. It was when you were in New York. He was writing songs about you. 

The small box on his nightstand seemed to be screaming at him.

You’d been complaining for months about needing a ring that matched the bracelet you wore every day. Shawn found one. And it was perfect. The perfect gift a boyfriend would give to his girlfriend, but you were only pretending, and he didn’t want you to feel weird about it. 

Without letting himself regret it, he stood up, grabbed the ring and put it in the top pocket of his duffle bag. 

Both of you fell asleep only a few hours before Shawn had to be at your apartment, so he showed up with two very large coffees.

Once you opened the door for him, he carried in his duffle bag and his own bag of presents. 

“Merry Christmas Eve!” He said as he set his things down. “Alright, babe, let’s practice,” he said with a wink as he handed you your coffee. 

“Well, thank you…honey?” You said with hesitation.

He slightly shook his head at you, “You’ve gotta commit.”

“Thank you, honey,” you said with a small smile as you sat down on the couch. 

“Incredibly believable. When did I ask you out officially?” He asked, sitting across from you.

“September 12. We were in New York, and I walked in on you practicing a song you were writing. I knew it was about me after I asked you to sing it for me,” you said. “How did you know you were falling for me?”

“Well, you were the only person who would call me out on my bullshit, and I wasn’t used to people doing that. So it just drew me to you. I slowly fell for every other aspect of you,” he said. 

Your heart skipped a beat as you had to remind yourself this wasn’t real.

“What’s our favorite thing to do together?” He asked.

“Walks in the park with ice cream from that little shop down the street,” you said, taking a drink from your coffee. “What’s the song that’s about me?”

“Well, it hasn’t been released yet, and an artist never reveals the project before it’s done,” he said with the softest smile. 

“I think we’re good,” you say with a shrug. 

“I just gotta make sure I’m always near you with an arm around you or holding your hand,” he added. 

“Exactly,” you said. You glanced down at the time. It was barely 9:00. 

“We really didn’t have to meet this early,” you whispered. 

“I know, but I was nervous,” he whispered back. 

You spent the next few hours practicing random facts about each other and going over memories you had to make up while you both sprawled across the sofa. 

“Do you think it’s going to look…unnatural?” Shawn asked as he sat up. “With my arm being around you. Do I look comfortable?”

He brought his arm around you, resting it on the top of the couch as you leaned slightly into his side. 

“I feel like we look good,” you said, looking over at him. “Hold my hand.”

He slowly laced his fingers with yours as you both fell silent, staring down at your intertwined hands. 

Shawn coughed after a moment, pulling his hand away. 

“Yeah, looks good,” he said, not meeting your gaze.

You nervously tucked your hair behind your ear as you checked the time. 

“If we leave now, we can get more coffee on the way there,” you said with a hopeful smile. 

“Sounds fantastic to me,” he said as he stood up, turning around to help you up. 

You grabbed your things and walked down to your car waiting in the parking lot. You threw your things in the back, quickly checking to make sure the box was still in the bag. 

A little more than an hour and you were back home, pulling into your parents’ driveway. You parked your car and looked over at Shawn. 

“Are you ready?” He asked. 

You looked out your window to see your mom waiting at the door. 

“Let’s do this,” you said as you got out of the car and waved to your mom. You went to grab your bags, but Shawn stopped you. 

“I got it, babe,” he said, brushing you away. 

You tried not to make it obvious at how shocked you were at how he was playing it up already. This might be easier than you thought. 

I greeted your mom with a big smile and a hug as Shawn followed behind you with his arms filled with bags. 

“Merry Christmas!” She said as she held you tight. She let you go after a moment and watched Shawn struggle. 

She quickly took the two bags of gifts out of his hands, and you both had the same expression on your face. 

“I can take that, Mom,” you quickly said as you grabbed your bag of gifts.

“And I can take that, no worries at all,” Shawn said with a smile. 

Your mom patted him on the shoulder as you both walked into the house. 

“Where is everyone?” You asked as you peaked into the living room.

“Your dad and Rachel ran to the grocery store, Aaron is meeting us at Grandma’s,” your mom explained as she shut the front door. 

“Well, we’re going to go put our stuff upstairs,” you said as you gently nudged Shawn to move forward. 

You slipped in front of him as you lead him to your old bedroom. You kicked the door open and set the bag down in the corner of the room. 

You turned around to see Shawn beaming as he looked at the pictures that lined your walls. You slid the bags off his arms as he continued to look around your room. 

“You were so cute,” he said softly as he pointed at a picture with you and your best friend in second grade. 

After setting the rest of the bags down, you stood next to him, looking at the picture. 

“Who’s that?” He asked as he pointed at a picture of you and your high school boyfriend. 

You cringed as you reached up and tugged the picture down. 

“That was supposed to be thrown away,” you said, tossing it in the trash. 

“Ah, gotcha,” he said. “Now you have to fill the empty space.”

“Shawn, I don’t live here anymore,” you reminded him. 

He shrugged, “Well, yeah, but still.”

For the first time, he turned around and looked at you, his eyes then drifting to your bed. 

“We’re going to have to share that, aren’t we?” He said quietly. 

You nodded your head, “Well, you are my boyfriend, so of course, we’d share a bed. And we don’t have a guest room.”

An awkward silence came between you two. 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” you said with a pat on his shoulder as you tugged him out of your room, gently lacing your hands together as you pulled him down the stairs. 

You were met with your mom baking in the kitchen, finishing up cookies to bring to your grandma’s house in a few hours. Shawn leaned against the counter, and you leaned gently against his side. 

“Need any help?” You asked. 

Your mom simply shook her head, “Nope, I’m in the zone. Rather you did not interrupt me, dear.”

Your jaw dropped as Shawn laughed at your mom. 

“We’ll just get out of your hair then,” you said a little too dramatically as you tugged Shawn into the sunroom at the back of your house. 

You settled into the couch in the corner, crossing your legs and facing him as he did the same. 

“How are you doing?” He whispered. 

You nodded your head, “good,” you whispered back. “This isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“It’s because I’m a really great boyfriend,” he said with a confident smile. 

Before you could respond, the back door opened, and your dad and sister walked in with a few bags. 

“Hey!” Your dad said cheerfully. You stood up and gave him a quick hug, and Shawn followed, shaking his hand. 

“Nice to see you, Shawn,” he said with a small smile. 

“You too, sir,” he said back. 

“Well, we’ll leave you two,” Rachel said as she motioned for your dad to follow her into the kitchen. 

You sat back down on the couch in your original spot, this time turning to rest your head on Shawn’s shoulder. 

“Tired?” He whispered. 

You nodded your head gently, “Didn’t sleep much last night.”

“Me too,” he said, settling back into the couch and pulling you with him so your head lay on his chest. 

“We still have two hours,” you mumbled.

“Then nap,” Shawn whispered.

He didn’t have to tell you twice as you relaxed into him and fell asleep. It felt too real. That this was your actual boyfriend, and it was his first holiday with your family. You had to beg yourself to not believe that. 

You felt someone tug on your foot, and you jolted awake, smacking your head on Shawn’s jaw as you both groaned. 

You shifted up to your knees, rubbing the top of your head as you brought your hand to Shawn’s jaw. 

“Oh my God, I am so sorry, honey,” you said through a laugh as you traced your thumb across his jaw gently. 

“Not the first time, won’t be the last,” he said as he smiled sleepily up at you. 

Your heart skipped a beat. You didn’t even realize what you were doing before you leaned in and kissed the side of his jaw where your head hit. You could feel his breath hitch. 

“All better,” you whispered, as you pulled away, his eyes not leaving yours. 

“Alright, love birds. We’re leaving for Grandma’s,” Rachel said, being the one who tugged on your foot. 

You both nodded and stood up, finding your shoes and hopping into your car. You drove the short distance to your Grandma’s house as the car was silent. 

“That was good,” Shawn said as he broke the silence. 

“What?”

“When you kissed my jaw, that was good. As in, like. Very believable,” he stumbled over his words. 

“Yeah, yeah,” you said. “Rachel’s a sucker for shit like that.”

The silence fell again as you pulled up and parked before making your way into your grandma’s house. 

The night went exactly as it was supposed to. Shawn met all your aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents, while also being introduced to other people who showed up. You spent your night in the back corner of the couch with Shawn’s arm draped around you. You barely stood up all night, as any time you needed something, Shawn said he’d get it and would leave with a gentle pat on your knee. 

Your aunt slid into his spot one of those times, giving you a look. 

“Quite the gentleman, huh?” She said. 

You smiled and nodded, “Yeah, he’s pretty perfect.”

“How long has it been? And how come I just found out yesterday when your mom called me?” your aunt asked. 

“Since September, and you know how it is. His private life has to be incredibly quiet for it to stay private,” you said. 

“Are you ok with that?”

Out of all the questions you were prepared for, this wasn’t one you practiced. 

“Um,” you paused. “Yeah, I am. I mean, I work for him,” you said with a chuckle. “Some people wouldn’t take that too well.”

Your aunt nodded her head, “Well, when it’s real as it is between you two, people shouldn’t even think that but that’s just how it is sometimes,” she said with a sigh. “One day.”

“One day,” you repeated, your heart beating out of your chest at how she said this was so real. You wanted to shake her and tell her it wasn’t but you wanted it to be so bad.

She stood up and went back to her spot as Shawn came back and handed you your glass of wine. 

“Am I going to have to drive?” He asked with a smirk as you took another drink.

“Yep,” you said, curling into his side again. 

The night flew by after everyone ate dinner and opened gifts. Everyone was eager to talk to Shawn and you about your relationship. The two of you answered every question perfectly. No one suspected a thing.

Before you knew it, Shawn was driving you home as you dozed off in the front seat. He pulled into the driveway behind your parents. He rounded the car and opened your door. 

“Come on, love,” he whispered, kneeling down by your door as you looked at him. 

“Do I have to?” You mumbled. 

“Want me to carry you?” He said with a small smile.

You nodded your head as he turned around, and you slid onto his back. He shut the door and walked toward the back door with the rest of your family as you rested your head on his shoulder. 

You heard a chorus of goodnights before you felt Shawn shut your bedroom door and set you on your bed. You laid back and shut your eyes, as you heard Shawn rustling around, presumably changing. 

“Come on, [Y/N],” he said with a quiet chuckle, poking your side as he said it. 

You groaned as you opened your eyes and met his gaze just inches away from you. 

“You’re going to regret falling asleep in jeans,” he whispered. 

You sighed as you finally got up and trudged to your bathroom. You glanced down at the bag of gifts before quickly changing and going back into your room. 

“I’m going to run these downstairs real quick,” you said as you saw Shawn laying in the bed, scrolling through his phone. “Want me to grab yours?”

“No,” he said a little too quickly. “No, I can do it tomorrow morning.”

You walked downstairs quietly and rounded the living room towards the Christmas tree. You took a deep breath as you put the gifts under the tree among the rest. The box holding Shawn’s gift stayed in your hands a little too long. You hesitated before standing up and bringing the gift with you into the sunroom, setting it on the tv stand. 

You went back upstairs to your room, seeing Shawn curled up in the covers with his eyes closed. 

You crawled in on the opposite side, pulling the covers up and facing him. 

“I didn’t get to ask you what side you usually sleep on,” he mumbled, his eyes still closed. 

“You guessed right,” you said. 

His eyes flickered open, and he smiled at you as you returned it. 

With that, you closed your eyes and fell asleep to the sound of Shawn’s deep breaths. 

Shawn woke up first. In fact, Shawn woke up with your head on his chest and his arm around your waist as your arm gripped his middle. He looked down at you peacefully sleeping and again reminded himself that this could never happen. You would never feel that way about him. 

He gently removed your arm from him. You shuffled away, turning the opposite direction and burying your head in the pillow, not waking up. 

Shawn breathed a sigh of relief as he stood up and grabbed his gifts, tiptoeing downstairs. 

He set your family’s gifts among the rest and held the small box that held yours in his hands. Without letting himself think too much, he set it at the very back of the tree. 

He stood up to see your brother leaning against the doorway. 

“Merry Christmas,” Aaron said as he moved to sit on the couch. 

“Yeah, Merry Christmas,” Shawn said back, sitting across from him. 

Aaron motioned to the tree with his head, “What did you get her?” 

“Guess you’ll have to wait and see,” Shawn said. 

Before Aaron could pry further, you walked into the room and sat down next to Shawn as he moved his arm to wrap around you and kissed the side of your head. 

“Morning,” you mumbled.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispered. 

You smiled up at him, “Merry Christmas.”

“Coffee, anyone?” Your dad asked as he peaked into the living room. Everyone said yes as he started brewing a pot as Rachel and your mom made their way into the living room. 

Your dad brought everyone a mug as presents were started. 

Your family all loved their gifts from Shawn, commending him on how well he did, and continuously saying he didn’t have to bring anything. 

The gifts dwindled down as Shawn watched the box get closer and closer. Finally, it was the only present left. 

“Who’s that for?” Rachel asked as your mom grabbed it. 

“[Y/N],” she said as she handed it to you. 

You turned to look at Shawn, “You got me something?” You said quietly. 

Shawn nodded his head as he grabbed the box from your mom. 

“Yours is in the other room,” you whispered. 

“Want to go over there?” He asked.

“We’re going to go, uh-“ you stuttered. 

“Just in the other room,” Shawn finished.

“Yeah, to open ours,” you said with a nod. 

Everyone shrugged their shoulders and nodded as you stood up and tugged Shawn to the sunroom, grabbing the box off the stand and settling into the couch. 

“Who’s going first?” He asked. 

“You can,” you said, the nerves setting in. 

Shawn carefully unwrapped the box and pulled off the top. 

“Oh my God,” he said under his breath. “How did you...I can’t believe-“ he was speechless as he traced his finger across the cool metal of the bracelet. 

“It’s the same one, well almost,” you told him. “I somehow found that place in Thailand and had them send me one.” 

“[Y/N], I don’t know what to say,” he said as he looked at you. 

You shrugged your shoulders, trying to control the heat rising to your cheeks. 

Without another word, Shawn handed you your gift. 

You hesitated before unwrapping it and then opening the top. 

You gasped as you looked at the ring staring back at you. 

“Shawn,” you said slowly as you took the ring out. You slid it on your finger carefully. “It matches,” you said with a small smile as you looked down at it. 

“I know you’ve been wanting one that matches your mom’s bracelet, and then I found that one,” he said. 

Silence fell between you two as the realization hit both of you. 

“Shawn,” you said slowly, looking up at him. “This isn’t a gift you give your coworker.”

“Neither is this,” he whispered back. 

You went quiet again, not being able to look at him again. 

“What if I don’t want you to just be my coworker?” He whispered as his voice shook. 

You looked up at him, finally. He looked nervous. 

“What if I want the same thing?” you whispered back.

“Then Andrew isn’t going to be too happy,” Shawn responded. 

You both smiled, leaning in closer and closer. 

“But who cares what he thinks,” he whispered before finally pressing his lips against yours. 

Sparks flew as Shawn leaned back and you followed, resting your hand on his cheek as he deepened the kiss. After a few moments, Shawn carefully pulled away. 

“I could kiss you all day and more, but I don’t think your parents want to see that,” he said with a smile before you pressed another quick kiss to his lips. 

“I know it sucks, but I’m glad your flight was canceled,” you said as you curled back into his side, this time it was real. 

Shawn rested his head against yours after pressing a kiss to your head.

“Me too.”

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[beyoncesdragon]

The Sin pt. 2

The confession  

Pariring: Tommy Shelby x Reader 

Warnings: some making out bc I want that and lots and lots of swearing 

Summary: It’s an invite that went missing and feelings that got returned. Just a little late, a little unfortunate and a little unholy. In this part: Where Tommy confesses something to the reader and Grace plays a different part in it than imagined. 

Here: Where Tommy finally comes home.

a/n: first of all: I am so so so so so sorry for taking ages to write this. believe me I have around 4 different versions of this, all over 3k words long. I struggled greatly with this, and it’s my own fockin fault. I think I have never, and I mean never struggled more and I hateeeee this. but it just doesn't seem to get better. I am sorry. I hope you still read and enjoy🥺

Just because I can remember @soleil-dor​ asking specifically...this for u. I am so SORRY fuck

My Masterlist 

My doorbell ringed at the same time the church bells stroke midnight and it scared me half to death. I’d fallen asleep on the couch, only dressed in my flowy nightgown and a light blanket over my shoulders, the book had already slipped from my grip. I sat up, pulling the blanket tighter around my shoulders, carefully approaching the door. I heard a rumble from upstairs, probably Elise jumping out of her bed. I sighed, deciding that I would just open the door myself.

The last man I had expected to stand in front of my door, soaked to the bone and with pale face and tousled hair was him. Not that I had expected anyone, but especially not him.

My eyes flickered over his silhouette and back to his face. There was something strange in his eyes, something broken from the inside, almost. His posture remained as always, proud, upright and unbothered but his eyes…I remember how Polly had once mentioned to him that the eyes were the doors to the soul. Tommy had just blankly stared at her, given her an unfazed look before lowly explaining that he, in fact, must’ve lost his soul in France then, because nobody would ever read him through his eyes. And I had almost believed him. Almost.

I snapped out of my thoughts and tilted my head. I wasn’t entirely sure if I wanted another Shelby around at that time of the day.

The white light of a lightning flared across the dark night and made me flinch. To hell with this, I was not letting anyone stand outside my door during weather like this. With a small sigh I stepped aside, letting him pass me to come in. Elise, my loyal handmaiden who had peaked from behind my back, quickly shuffled aside, the worry still haven’t left her face. Usually it would’ve been her opening up, but I had allowed her to go to sleep already because I really wanted to finish that book...so she’s been freed from that duty. However, it didn’t stop her from come running when she heard the doorbell ring.

My eyes fell on a gun in her hand, as it suited the only handmaiden in an unprotected house. Yet I still always chuckled seeing her like this: wearing a light green nightshirt which reached down over her knees, backless slippers and a nightcap to protect her light brown curls. And then a bloody gun. I supressed a grin.

“Madam…?” she whispered as I closed the door shut, giving him a suspicious look. “It’s fine Elise. It’s just Tommy he…he’s okay. You can go to bed again. Or maybe if you would just prepare a the kettle with some hot water for tea…” I suggested, eyes trailing over Tommy. This man needed tea, urgently.

She nodded almost reluctantly before hinting a curtesy. Almost secretive she however handed me the gun, as if to make sure I could still shoot him if in need. I bit back a smile and nodded at her, before looking back at Tommy.

He had his eyes locked on me, a strong unbroken gaze. He didn’t even blink. His black coat was dripping down onto the carpet, his hands held his hat tightly. His eyes left me to follow the young frame of Elise leaving the kitchen with a nod into our direction and tiredly climbing up the stairs.

“She’s handed you a gun.” Those were the first words he had said to me since that phone call, around two weeks ago. His eyes now fell to my hands before I could place the gun down or hide it…so I wouldn’t offend him. But he’s seen it, obviously.

“She has. People are not scared enough of women to leave us alone.” I explained with a shrug, looking down at the shimmering weapon in my hand. “Y’gonna use it?” I looked up surprised. “Against who? You?” he shrugged, face blank and impossible to read. I could only chuckle at that, shaking my head and placing it down. “Obviously not?” he nodded in a matter-of-factly before suddenly grabbing my hips and shoving me against the wall behind me. His hand were everywhere and his lips left burning kisses all over my neck and jaw.

“T-Tommy…?” I could only stutter, completely taken aback by his eagerness, his neediness and his want. His cloak was still wet and cold and I could feel it soak through my thin silky nightgown as he pressed his body against mine.

“Wet.” I could only mumble against his lips before he bit down on my lower lip, urging me to stop talking. He however did start to shrug the jacket off of his shoulders, getting frustrated when it wouldn’t work. I pushed him away gently, helping him slipping out of the wet coat. it took me about ten seconds but I already missed his touch like an addict craved a line of coke. He let the probably completely overpriced coat fall to the ground and instead of picking it up he was back on my lips in no time. His hands were roaming over my body, pulling me tighter every now and then. His tongue urged me to open up my lips to let him deepen the kiss. I did, not hesitating a second. The sharp whistle of a teapot made us snap apart. His breathing was heavy, just like mine.

He stepped back in silence, letting me pass in an almost awkward silence. Tension lied heavy between the two of us, so thick and noticeable it made me dizzy. He made me dizzy.

“Is Earl Grey fine? No wait, camomile is actually better…or lime blossom…” I coughed, trying my hardest to overcome the husk of my own voice as my fingers traced along the carefully stacked tins filled with the best herbs and mixtures.

“Whisky does the job.” His husk voice caught me off guard since it was way closer than I had expected. “Lime blossom it is then. Fuck off with whisky, do you know what time it is?” he said nothing after that, his eyes silently following my every move as I set up the teapot to pour the boiling water into. There wasn’t another word spoken during the time the lime blossom soaked in, we kind of just stood there, watching the steam from the teapot and each other.

He looked worn out in the dim light of my kitchen. His skin was paler than usual, his hair a tad messier than I was used to (which could theoretically also be my fault though), his eyes less deep and colder.

Now, where he had removed his dripping coat he looked a bit less buff. Still a hunk of a man, still towering me. Especially because I wasn’t wearing heels, which was a thing I usually did, especially around men. Their ego was often big enough to treat me more like a servant and less like a business partner simply because I was a woman and they were taller. It was ridiculous really. Tommy had never treated me like this, I had never feared to be treated like an underdog. Sure, he was sly and witty, he knew how to bargain and twist everything to his profit. But that wasn’t done in a condescend manner at all. Maybe that was why I was drawn to him the way I was. The second he stepped out of his car and walked towards me, proud and seemingly uncaring of all the stares he was receiving from my workers. It had been truly stunned when he stopped, eyes wandering over my stable lad and me, before approaching me. Usually people tended to approach Gregory first, a thing I watched with great amusement. Not so Tommy, he’d approached me from the beginning. And he ended up buying one of my best horses immediately, Yastra, a horse I had never planned to sell in the first place. She wasn’t even named properly for the race tracks. Tommy couldn’t care less. He’d given the proud sand coloured steep a long look before offering his deal. Yastra still lived on my property and I still trained her, just like the two other horses he’d bought later on. Only one, a brown mare by the name of Pacific Princess II stood in his stables.

The strong and sweet taste of the lime blossom made me shake my head and snap out of my thoughts. Tea was ready and if I would leave it too long without serving, it would turn bitter. “Get me a stand from in there.” I turned to reach for the honey when I suddenly felt his presence behind me. I turned around, almost bumping into him. He had his lips on mine before I could even say something, picking off the unsaid words from my lips and swallowing them down. His tongue urged me to open up my lips to let him deepen the kiss. I did, not hesitating a second.

It wasn’t a sweet kiss, not at all. It was more like a violent, unrestrained kiss, a kiss with teeth nipping on swollen lips. He was devouring me, drinking all of my being in with one kiss, and I felt like he was sucking the air straight from my lungs.

Tommy kissed so hard it was like he was trying to leave the memory of the imprints of his lips in my mind forever. And he probably accomplished just that by now.

His hands were roaming over my body, pulling me tighter every now and then. He pushed me back against the countertop, lifting me up to place me down on it immediately.

He let out a throaty groan, splitting my legs with his body to come even closer. He tasted sweet, kissed filthy as ever and set my skin on fire. My mind was blank, all I could I think was Tommy, his hand on my back, the other one trailing shakily from my waist up, over my breast before halting at my collar bone. He brought it up to my neck, deepening the kiss even more, making it just a tad more desperate.

In moments like these it was when I realised once again how I would never ever get over Tommy Shelby, not in this life and probably not in another one. He just swept me off my feet every time. He did it when we had kissed first, needy and thrilling, in the stables a few years ago. It had been the third time we had met, this time for inspecting one of his race horses because of breeding options. Monaghan boy, a black stallion with a beautiful neck. As always, tension had lingered  between the two of us like a thick fog, but he had been the first to give in. He had this thing where he liked to back me up against the wall, preferably dominant and always in charge. It had made my knees weak in an instant and it didn’t help that he had a tongue to sin with. From that day on, our meetings consisted of either heated discussions about horses and life or sex. Or both, most of the time…then he had met Grace and whatever we had, stopped. And it stopped in an ugly way, rather. I could’ve understood if he had come to me and told me that he now considered a serious relationship with someone who was not me. I would’ve let him go, heartbroken but at peace. But he had not had the decency to do so, oh no. he had rather left in a hurry with a few stuttered words about “This can’t happen anymore…I’m sorry.”

And yet here he was, for the second time since he said that and ran. And I was letting it happen again, like the fool I was. We parted swiftly to catch out breaths again before Tommy connected his lips with my neck again. He sucked lightly at my skin and left a trail of burning marks down to my shoulders. I moaned quietly as he bit down on my sweet spot right above my collar bone, and pushed his face up to mine again. Instead of kissing me again, he just looked at me, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Regretting this already?” I pushed out, almost in spite since he still waited. He quirked an eyebrow, eyes growing dark again. “Why do you always try to piss me off?” good question actually, on the other hand, who the fuck was he to ask anything. “Because you’re hot when you are angry.” He growled lowly, bringing his lips to mine again.

I don’t know what it was that broke the spell and made  a weird form of panic flood my bones. Something in my brain switched when he suddenly picked me up, his hungry lips still on mine. This was a married man with a son and a wife at home. What the hell was I doing here? But before I could say something, Tommy had carried me into the livingroom and placed me on one of the couches. He was over me in an instant, pressing me down gently.

“Tommy…Tommy what are you doing?” I asked breathlessly, panting for air. He stopped, eyes flickering over my face, dark with lust.

“What does it look like.” He was equally out of breath, his voice just a tad throatier than before. I said nothing, just brushed a strand of hair out of his face. A whirlwind of emotions flickered through his eyes, like a thunderstorm of realisation, lust, angst, regret, maybe? It was quiet in the room for quite a while, only the crackling fire and wind hitting the windows could be heard. Then Tommy did something I had not expected at all: he let his head rest on my chest, arms around me, unmoving like a heavy organic blanket. My fingers found their way up to his hair, carefully brushing through the longer curls. I was still a bit taken aback by the sudden switch of attitude and mood.

“What’s troubling you, Tommy?” I asked softly, still stroking through his hair. The raw and vulnerable energy that surrounded us now, almost took my breath away. Tommy just shook his head swiftly. He wasn’t ready to talk about it, or so it seemed.

“Do y’ever wear it?”

I was confused first. Wear what? Then…my hand wandered up to my neck, as if searching for the green emerald. But there was nothing, just hot skin.

“I do.  I took it off for bed.” I explained, almost physically feeling the weight of the precious stone on my collar. “Why did you even send it back?” I asked carefully, that question had lingered in the back of my mind for quite some time now. Tommy sighed deeply. “I took an envelope and…” I snorted quickly, cutting him off. “Stop bullshitting me Tommy. I gave her the necklace. Did she not like it?” He sat up, looking down at my lying frame beneath him. There was almost a sly glint in his blue eyes as his gaze met mine again.

“Someone convinced her that the heart was cursed. Gipsy magic.” I gasped in outrage. “Excuse me? Someone?” Tommy just leaned back, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “Someone.” He confirmed, still that mischievous glint in his eyes. “Fuck off Tommy. She probably hates me now. Good job, this is one way of keeping me away from your parties.” He let out a snort, almost a chuckle.

“That won’t be a problem anymore. You can come whenever you like.” I rose my eyebrows surprised. I felt like we were slowly getting to the reason why he appeared on my doorstep at twelve thirty in the night.

“She’s…well…she’s left.” I sucked in a startled breath. “Left? As in…ran away? Divorced?” Tommy had his face turned away from me, his eyes watching the fire in the fireplace crackle. “Left.” I gulped, not knowing what to say or do. “I am sorry…really sorry.” I only stuttered, watching the flames reflect red in his eyes. They seemed glossier than before…Jesus Christ I really had no idea how to deal with this situation as a whole. Only hesitantly I placed my hand on his arm. It was weird how I now felt so…shy touching him, when only minutes ago we were making out like our lives depended on it.

“Is it because…because of me?” I whispered, scared of his answer. He snapped back to me, eyes then trailing over my hand.

“No…she’s been married before me, you know. Only she told me that her man had killed herself after she left him.” it made sense now to me, her purple dress. A dress symbolizing that one was still mourning…and I had wondered over who, at a wedding after all.

“Turns out that he’s very much alive.” His voice was bitter and heavy of anger and I traced small circles into arm. “We’ve had an argument you know…about horses and who trains them.” My interest peaked up some more. “I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of May Carleton…” I nodded swiftly. Of course I did, she was a mutual in every way after all.

“Suppose you had something going on with that one too?” Tommy hesitated a moment before nodding quickly.

“I never loved her. It was just…sex?” he almost asked me that and I chuckled softly. “Who am I to judge Tommy. I don’t know if you had feelings for her. After all, you shouldn’t degrade what the two of you did…are we not the same?” that made him snap around to me. “We? Just sex?” his eyes narrowed and it seemed like a new fire ignited them. I waved it off, drawing another circle in his arm. He shook his head, continuing.

“It stopped when Grace came back from New York.” I hummed before waiting for him to continue. “She trained my horses…” I gave him a pointed look. “I can sense betrayal.” He gave me a pointed look.

“What?” I couldn’t help but grin. “Training your horses by another woman…I am hurt. You coward.” He shook his head slowly. “You don’t know how difficult you are sometimes.” I chuckled softly, giving him a wink.

“You love me.” He said nothing, his face falling a bit. I frowned, wanting to assure him that I was only joking but he cut me off. “Do you have whisky?” I nodded, getting up swiftly and walking over to a cabinet. “What would you like?” I asked, stepping aside for him to see the dusty bottles. He got up and walked closer, eyes wandering over the labels.

My eyes wandered over his face, that worn out but handsome face, a face that haunted me and basically ruined all other men for me. My thoughts flickered to the expression on his face when I made the joke about him loving me. I had meant to read something like guilt in his features, but why? Sure, love was a strong word and I wasn’t entirely sure if I could ever expect love from someone like Tommy Shelby, especially after he just broke up with Grace…no, after she just broke up with him. Or called off the engagement, or whatever.

“That one.” I snapped out of my thoughts and grabbed the bottle he chose. I prepared two glass of the orange brown liquor carrying them over to the couch again.

I sat down whilst Tommy kept pacing around the room, his glass in his hands. I noticed the absence of a ring and it almost felt…relieving. But then again…it didn’t. because I couldn’t help but feel guilty for all I’d done.

“She took the boy with her. To fucking New York.” He suddenly pressed out, necking the whisky in a swift move. My mouth parted in surprise and I could only stutter my words of condolence. “I’m sorry to hear that…” I started, silenced by his angry glare immediately.

“Stop lying.” I rose my eyebrows. “Lying? Why should I lie?” he shrugged, visibly frustrated now. “Can I smoke?” I shrugged, watching him light up a cigarette before turning back to me. “Because that’s what you…I don’t fucking know!” he then started, not even daring to finish his thoughts. And maybe it was that what finally ticked me off.

“You wanted to say, because that’s what I wanted? Is it that? Finish your damn sentences!” his eyes flashed up in irritation, but I went on before he could even reply to anything.

“By the way Tommy, what I want is something that should be entirely unknown by you, since you’re not me! And, just to clarify, before you use that…thing that there was on that party two weeks ago: you kissed me! I only turned up because of…I don’t know, spite, anger, whatnot. But I never intended to do anything like…what we did.” He laughed dryly. “You wanna say, you regret it?” I tilted my head, leaning back a bit. “I never said that.” He hummed, an angry glint in his eyes again. Or rather, still.

“Maybe you shouldn’t’ve turned up then, and sure as hell not given her that damn necklace…” I shook my head.

“I think we both know that this is not about you and not being able to handle her wearing some green, glittery rock.” He took a sharp breath. “By the way, do you even realise how dangerous a rumour like this is for my reputation? That I jinx stuff? Curse chains and…jewellery? There is a legit possibility of my name being ruinedbecause of your little lie.” he said no word, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, grey smoke passing through his lips.

“Are you done?” his voice wasn’t as calm and collected as usually, instead is was heavy with anger and maybe hurt. His icy eyes snapped back to mine, piercing through them as if to strip me off of all of my dignity and leave my soul linger nakedly in front of him.

“Am I done?” I repeated quietly, anger making my voice hoarse. He’d always had a special talent for pissing me off, but this was topping anything. I didn’t even knew what to respond I was so angry. “Yes, are you done. Done, because then I can tell you why the fuck I decided to send that goddamn thing away, back to you.” he took another pull from his smoke before flicking it into the fire. “Can you remember why I gave you this necklace? When I gave it to you?” of course I could, clear as day. It had been a promise, a small, weak promise to care for each other. We had been out, a lovely and peaceful walk with the horses he had just bought, the stars bright and the night cold. He’d been nervous the moment he presented the beautiful stone to me, an almost angsty flicker in his eyes, as if waiting for a rejection.

I had not rejected, obviously, and Tommy had slipped the necklace around my neck whilst pressing butterfly kisses to my neck. But still: the one who ran and broke his own promise had not been me, but him. I crossed my arms over my chest, shaking my head slowly.

“Of course I can. But it still explains nothing.” He grunted angrily. “Not, eh? Maybe that I don’t need a reminder of us around me every day?” I laughed softly, shaking my head. “You mean, you are selfish Tommy? You mean that the fact that you broke your own fucking promise, is making you regret certain decisions from your past? And I am not talking about marrying another woman, I am talking about that hit and run number you pulled there, and then not inviting me to you bloody wedding-celebration…” he slammed his fist down on the chair back, me regret my decision to jump up immediately. But I couldn’t just sit down again, I wouldn’t back off now.

“Do I look like I need a bloody reminder that I fucked up, eh? Do I really look like that to you? And you come and have the fucking nerve to…blame it on my selfishness? My selfishness? When you knew ex-fucking-sactly, what would do to me, if you gave her this necklace?” I was robbed of words to shoot back at him, stumbling back at the force of his words. He followed up, it felt like I was back in his office again.

“You don’t leave my head, my thoughts, my mind, not at night and not at day. You’re there constantly, alright? And I am…was fucking married, alright? I have a bloody kid with that woman, a life, a house, a business. I don’t need a reminder of you on my spouses neck. Fuck!” his eyes were wild and full of emotion, his breath quick and hot and grazing my lips, he was so close.

“I’m sorry.” Was all I pressed out, not exactly knowing what else to say. Tommy just shook his head. “I am sorry. I think I just…” his whole attitude changed all of a sudden, again as if all the anger and hurt left his body and left him behind tired and worn out.

“I think I just missed you.”

I carefully linked my fingers with his before pulling him into a hug. “I missed you too, Tommy. A lot, y’know?” he just buried his face in the crook of my neck and took a deep breath. After a few second he let go of me, stepping back a bit. Not far, and never fully letting go of me. “Let’s go to bed, yeah? You can have the guestroom if you need space…” he just tilted his head. “or you can sleep in my bed. With me present of course.” A shy smile played around his lips as he nodded softly. “I am comfortable if you are.” I just pulled him upstairs.

It felt different when Tommy slipped under the covers now, as if we’d never spent a night in the same bed. Which was close to ridiculous because that wasn’t the case at all. The energy just had never been so honest and so…vulnerable. I could hear him take a deep breath, before I felt his arm wrap around me. I turned around to him, glimpsing up at his face. The dark almost swallowed him whole, but I could make out a soft shimmer where his eyes were and the light from the window illuminated his silhouette.

“Are you okay?” I asked carefully, tangling my leg with his.

“Can I kiss you?” I chuckled softly, arms resting on his shoulders. “Have you not already? Like, when you ruined my nightgown, not that long ago?” I could almost hear his little smirk when he hummed, but I could definitely feel it when he brought his lips down to mine. His arms tightened around me when we parted and he let out a soft sigh.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Tommy.” I whispered, leaning into his arms. He mumbled something, words so quiet I couldn’t quite catch them. I raised my head back up.

“Hm?”

“I just…I said that I’m back home.”

[patchofsunlight]

(This one is so long I’m sorry lmao)

Aw thank you 🥺 I’m taking a break right now since everything that’s due today is finally done! I’ll work on stuff later but I think I’m gonna like eat and chill for a bit for once lmao

Haha my group members for an assingment in the class are ready to throw hands at her too 😂 it’s all good though! Next week I can focus on my other class that gives out wayy less assignments.

Aw I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling down ❤️❤️ sending love your way!! Omg that’s so many exams for one week! You’ll probably be done by the time I’m responding but good luck and I know you’ll do great!! Take a break afterwards and do something fun!!

Lmaoo I thought he was gonna annoy me and idk maybe he will, but as of right now he’s adorable 🥺 I’m gonna watch another ep today hopefully!!

Exactly!! Especially when we’re applying for schools like we need good marks to get into the schools we want!! My exam taking abilities are horrible 😂 like I’ll study days in advance but then I go into the exam and I’m a nervous wreck. And most of the time I’ve prepared properly it’s just the sitting and taking the exam part that messes with my head.

OMGG YESS COME SEE ME!! I live in Canada!! OMG yess come to a college here!! Tbh idk anything abt the sat but congrats on getting a great mark!! I used to go to the US to visit family, but I would be soo scared of like something bad happening lmaoo. Ouu communications or law sounds really interesting!! Let me know how everything goes regarding school!

Lmaoo okok here’s what happened. It was an absolute travesty 😂 so from grade 9 until grade 11 we have to take science. But I’m not good at science. Science and math are my worst classes I do wayy better in like English and art and stuff. So anyways I had been doing really bad on the tests and like I understood the lessons but it was the application part that was soo hard for me. So I was sitting at like an 80 in the class before the exam and I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to bring it up to a 90 so I just accepted it and was gonna just try to do really good on the exam. So the day before the exam I asked my teacher a few questions for clarification and one of them was asking abt what an atom was. (Yes dumbass grade 9 me didn’t know what an atom was but now I do. I did way better in grade 10 science cause it started making sense and I haven’t taken it since lmfao) so he explains it then says “do you understand?” And I looked at him and was like”...no?” and he had the audacity to say “well then idk how to explain it to you” 💀 I was flabbergasted. So I go home, study my butt off, and go to the exam the next day. Tell me why none of the stuff on the exam study sheet he gave us was on the exam 🥺 anywho so I’m sitting in the gym doing the exam on the brink of tears cause I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing lmao and then I hand the exam in. A week passes and I go in with my friends to get our marks. We go to the science room and he gives us our marks and I see mine. 53% 💀 3% over the failing grade. And here’s the kicker. He had to take a question off of the exam since nobody got it right or even knew how to do it 😂 So technically I would’ve failed the exam and had to go into school and do work to make it up. So anywho I was bummed abt that, then he shows us our overall mark and my glorious 80 dropped down to a 71. And then I cried lmao cause I was like how did it drop that much? Apparently our marks can’t drop that much and someone else did the same on their exam as me and only got like 5 marks taken off of their overall mark soo.. But yeah that’s it :)

Haha thank you! Watch me abandon doing yoga after a week.. oops 😗

Aw I love you too!! No worries!! I wanna make you feel better even if it’s a little bit!❤️ how was your day and how are you feeling?? -🌙

(dont worry i love your asks sorry for taking so long to answer)

YES TAKE BREAKS YES

and 🥰🥰🥰 thanks moonie i love you you’re too nice to me

TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF IT IF YOU DID WATCH IT!!!! and yes deku is BABY

both grades and exams suck and mean nothing and i’ll DIE by this

YOU LIVE IN CANADA??? THAT’S SO FUN!!! YES I’LL GO VISIT YOU LMAOOOO and yeah i’ll let you know!!!!!

BRO WHAAAAT??? that’s NINE marks that’s SO MUCH that’s so unfair wtf??? also that teacher sounds like an ASSHOLE how did an entire class couldn’t get a question right he must be SUCH a dumbass let me throw hands for a sec!!!! anyway you did NOT deserve that i’m glad you see it as funny now lmaooo i would’ve been SO PISSED watch me go talk to the school board so they can change my grade 😤😤😤 LMAOOO

gmeidowkskw MOOD!!!! i was doing this exercise plan thingy and i did it for like 9 days before forgetting about it for MONTHS it do be like that

🥰🥰🥰 you definitely did!!! and my day today has been alright!!! i played among us with wave and i was organizing a bunch of stuff for my blog and i’ll try to write as much as i can today!!! i’ll also be posting an allergies chapter soon 👀👀 i’m just happy bc i have nothing set to do and the ✨freedom✨ is giving me serotonin LMAOOO so yeah i’m okay!! also it’s warm and i love warm weather so 🥰🥰 it’s kinda too warm tho it’s almost 40°C which is MFKWOXKWKS A WHOLE LOT AM I WRITE BUT IT’S FINE

what about you??? how has your day been?? are you alright??

[tarot28]

MANIFESTATION, GOALS, INTENTIONS AND GRATITUDE AND MOREEEEEE

This is my guide to how I do my daily self work to bring some joy and happiness and better things closer to me.  Everything I do listed below is written down in the same place - a generic leftover half used spiral notebook next to my bed.  

I have a little anxiety and uncertainty and a little moop (a word for when you’ve got sad mood that’s kinda blah but it doesn’t have as quite of a severe connotation as depression does imo) when it comes thinking about the future.  To get super real for a second here, it can be so so bleak sometime to look ahead and look at where I am now and where I could be like if only if only.  Coming out of an unhealthy and toxic relationship and being on the mend from that also has me looking for ways of actively reviving my worth and my joy and I’m glad to report that what I’ve outline below has helped me personally and by sharing, I hope I can help others :) :)

Also just as a note: I use the Universe instead of God, Goddess, Spirit, etc bc that’s my preference.  Mentally sub that for whatever works for you <3

Contents: sorry this is a hella long post but here’s the break down - Manifestation (what I used to do) - Goals (what I do/how I altered manifestation to make it work for me) - Intentions (goals are long term, but here’s the daily) - Gratitude (how it puts things into perspective) - Meditation (an on and off again relationship/the one that always gets away) - How the fuck do I fit all this into my daily routine ?

Manifestation: So when I first started this routine I used kinda generic manifestation and threw literally everything I wanted at the Universe like here this is what I want and it’s your problem now.  That’s the idea I got from the very minimal reading I did on manifestation and law of attraction type shtuff.  I reallllllly hesitate to call what I currently do manifestation but it’s like a cousin and is closer to setting goals.  I’m not going to go into manifestation further but the “manifestation work” I do is like everything written here collectively.

Goals: This is the branching out I did for manifestation.  It’s more accessible language too.  A goal is something I want and it’s something attainable.  Transitioning from manifestation to goals was kinda necessary to me because when I was doing manifestation was me throwing every tiny little want and need at the Universe.  Goals was that but with filters and then elaboration.  I went from asking for like 8 or 10 things that would change often to asking for 3 consistently.

Here’s a working example.  One of my old “manifestation” items was “a sense of confidence in my body.”  Let’s pull this apart a bit.  This isn’t a bad thing to ask for at all; it’s definitely something that can happen.  But like does the Universe really need to bestow that onto me or is that something I could do on my own.  It’s too specific and exclusive as well.  The perception of my own physical health comes from my personal relationship with myself, mentally and emotionally.  My body confidence won’t change unless I work at how I talk to myself or unless I start to praise my own appearance.  

I use a different, but related version of this older item currently in my goal statements that aims to “improve the relationship I have with myself for myself through positive self talk, self care, and recognizing the joy that comes through exploring my relationship with myself.”  This is longer, but it’s bigger picture.  It encompasses mental, physical, and emotional health.  It also emphasizes my part in it, which was the biggest issue I had with what I was calling “manifestation.”  I think it’s ok to ask for things, but personally asking and waiting passively for something to drop into your lap just on the merits of asking for it felt unrealistic.  I think my biggest personal distinction between goals and manifestation was introducing accountability, thus empowering myself to make the changes in my life that I wanted to see.

Intentions In addition to writing my goal statements, I write my intentions.  The goals are more specific to the season or a couple month to a year long period, whereas the intentions are a couple of ways I want my day to go.  Again, this is kinda me empowering myself to take action and decide how my day will unfold.  It’s just a couple of brief statements about things I want to happen, but less of a tangible to do list and more like what’s the vibe today boysss

So for example on a to do list I had this week: chem for mon, wed, fri, bio lecture notes from thursday, final revisions on whatever weekly essay it was lmao rip, and then a couple emails.  This was a to do list from Monday and I have work and class and meetings and bathroom break and have to take care of the dogs and make food and eat the food and drink water and maybe squeeze in a workout from 9am to 3:30pm on top of the to do list, which is usually just classwork.  My intention for the day was to “be productive enough to prepare for tomorrow.”  This is a way to say do the bare minimum and feel better about it.  Another intention I had was to “recognize and when I need a break and give myself the rest time I need to be productive.”  Another way of justifying slacking off occaisionally but giving it an elevated purpose through the wording.  It also makes me feel like shameful about not getting everything I planned to do in one day because I carried out my intentions.

Gratitude! This is my absolute favorite part of my routine!  It brings everything home for me and I can really draw attention to all the mundane disguised positivity in my life that might go unnoticed or underappreciated otherwise.  This one is so simple.  I start by writing “I’m grateful:” and then just list whatever comes to mind easily.  

If it’s hard at first, make sure you’re not overthinking.  When I introduced this into my routine I would almost talk myself out of the stupid things, but I think that’s where a lot of my small, daily joy comes from.  Yesterday was cold and rainy and that’s my favorite weather so I wrote “rainy and cold” on my list and I think I put sweatpants on their too.  Don’t overthink it and don’t force it and just start doing it.

Here’s some research for the benefits if you don’t want to listen to me, please listen to the science, more of the science and a little more.  If these links don’t work- sorry but they’re random articles I found from google scholar after searching gratitude journaling.  SO much evidence out there 

Meditation This is my long lost love.  I feel like I never have the time and I’m fighting to put her back into my routine.  It makes me feel great and settles me into my body.  More posts to come if when I get back at it.  If anyone has techniques or guided mediation recommendations omg let me know.  I use a couple podcasts, one is purely guided mediations because they’re like 5 or 10 mins each and I’m short on time a lot.  The other is called nothing much happens and it’s just like bedtime stories about mundane routines and not strict mediation, but I love them.

My daily routine and how I make this work for me and don’t give up: My first rule is that if I’m not in the mood, I simply do NOT.  Like days where shit sucks is different from days where you feel like you’re breaking down and it physically hurts to think about the future or your goals because everything is so hard.  I get that and I treat myself like an adult and know that not doing it one day won’t be an issue as long as I make sure I do it the next day.

In the morning, I think about my schedule.  What is today and what is the best way to approach what I have going on?  What is the best way to direct my energy?  This is intention time :) And then this is where I’m trying to add meditation back in but I really suck at morning time management and I’m trying to use the time to work out before my day gets started.  We’ll see lol I’ll prob add it in at the end of my day to help me get to sleep feeling a little more settled and comfy in my own body and mind.

I try to keep my intentions in mind during the day.  Sometimes it happens, sometimes not.  It’s ok because I did them and I thought about it at least one time during the day for it’s own special, dedicated amount of time.

After I’m completely done for the day, I go what the fuck am I doing on this planet, how can I improve my existence, what do I see happening for myself? Under my intentions, I write my big three goalssss.  Something for my own healthy, something for my career and academics, and something to kinda talk about my meant to be, forever home of person that I’m trying to attract.  Self-career-social kinda triangle of goals.

Under my goals, I zoom in on everything that went great.  The last thing I write down for the day is gratitude so that even if I get a little stressed about not following my intentions too well or not making a lot of progress towards my big picture goals, I can look at today and go I had a great cup of hot chocolate and binged AHS though and I don’t regret it because it made me so happy that I wrote it down.

The end thanks for reading this incredibly long post.  I love these long posts where I can just go on about what I do :) I really hope this helps someone who doesn’t vibe with what they’re seeing in their skimming over of law of attraction and manifestation stuff.  Fuck that and do you.  Sending so much love to y’all <3 L :)

[forasecondtherewedwon]

So! Prompt-wise I love, love, love #2...but also I think there could be something fun,hilarious, and hot in the 18/43 kinda combo. I don’t know which prompts you’ve already gotten and I don’t wanna overwhelm you mostly bc I’m ecstatic that you’re doing this at all. But if either or neither of those gets you going I’d be happy to read whatever you choose share with us 💜💙

Phew, this is my second-to-last fic from the prompt list I was working from over the summer. Thank you, thank you for your patience, @redpepprflakes and Anon! I know it’s been a long wait. You both requested #43, and I loved the idea of #18 and #43 together, so that’s what I did! Enjoy!

Posing QuestionsPairing: Peter Parker x Michelle Jones (Spideychelle)Rating: EWord count: 3615

18. “This is… exactly what it looks like.”

43. “You wanted me to walk in on you.”

Peter didn’t need a map. Honestly, he didn’t! But hemight’ve been able to find the room faster if the visual arts building had onlystraight hallways and large, obvious numbers over the doors―like the naturalsciences building where he had his classes. He checked the time on his phoneand looked up in time to slide to the side, avoiding a guy toting a largecanvas. Both of these were good signs (the phone and the guy). They meant thatPeter wasn’t yet late to meet MJ and that he was heading in the right direction; at eight in the evening, classes were mostly over, so chances werethat the artist (or just canvas caddie?) had come from MJ’s art class.

Ok, it wasn’t MJ’s class(she wasn’t in it and, only in her second year of college, she didn’t teach it),but he kind of thought of it that way. Pictured her commanding and silencingthe room.

Peter felt a little warm.

Maybe he’d taken that last set of architecturally-inventivestairs too fast, or maybe he was wearing too many layers. It was always astruggle for him in the fall when the weather changed, and worse now that hewas living in student housing. There was no Aunt May to squint at him overtheir morning cereal and say, “Peter, do you really need a t-shirt, abutton-up, a sweatshirt, and ajacket?” But he was figuring it out.

Aha, here was the room (by room, he meant studio) and there,when he swung the door wide, was MJ, standing on the low platform the modelsposed on. And dropping an ice-blue robe to the floor. There was nothingunderneath. Peter let go of the door and it banged into his back, shoving himcompletely into the room. His girlfriend, who’d had her back to him, flickedher head to glance over her shoulder.

“It’s you.”

Her voice was soft for the size of the space and she didn’tsound surprised. Why was she not surprised? Oh right, because she’d told himthe room and the time and asked him to meet her here so they could go out andgrab a hamburger after her two hours of stiff posing. Had she counted on Petergetting more lost, thereby leaving her more time to get dressed? That wasprobably it, but… this was MJ. She thought things through. That could onlymean…

“You wanted me to walk in on you,” Peter said, advancing twosteps on stiff, toy-soldier legs.

MJ shrugged.

“So what are you gonna do about it?” she asked, hair swayingas she bent to snatch her jeans off the ground and stepping into them. (Nounderwear―holy shit.)

His brain turned to sludge around the question, dragging italong instead of processing it as MJ pulled the jeans up to her thighs andhopped to bring them the rest of the way. He watched her head tilt down as shezipped them. The noise was ringingly metallic in his ears. That was so muchbare back. So much bare back. Bloodflooded his groin like air being blown into a balloon. He automatically grippedthe front of his jeans, but adjusting himself wasn’t doing a hell of a lot ofgood with his girlfriend still standing there, trying to turn her shirt theright way out before putting it on.

Peter should say something. He should definitely saysomething to interfere with the putting-on of the shirt. Do about it? He woulddo… something. He would just… He closed his eyes for a second and took adeep breath through his nose, but his hand kept on fiddling. Stroking. Tugging throughthe denim.

“It’s fine, Parker,” MJ said, laughing a little as sheturned around with her elbows in the air, fighting her way into the twistedshirt. “It was a pretty stupid thing to do. Just thought I’d… ugh!―” The neck hole was snug and kept theshirt temporarily trapped around her head, over her eyes. “―shake you up andsee what happened.”

He was still gaping at her exposed breasts when she yankedher top into place and out of her face. He was also definitely, definitely still standing there with hishand clutching his dick. Which was where her gaze went.

“This is… exactly what it looks like,” Peter had to admit.He released himself, letting his hands hang at his sides, but the bulge was…well, prominent at this point, and MJ did have a habit of keen observation.

Her mouth rested open for a few seconds before some wordscame to her.

“That wasn’t one of the things I’d thought you might ‘doabout it.’ But all experiments have unpredicted side-effects, right? Right? Isthat what they teach you over in NatSci?”

Wow, she was flustered, Peter realized. Colour had raced uphis girlfriend’s cheeks and she was flapping the hem of her shirt away from herstomach. He felt less blindsided now.

Peter began smiling as he approached her and MJ compulsivelytucked her hair behind both ears. She kept babbling.

“I’ve just…” She raised a hand palm-up. “…I’ve neverseen you, you know, do that before.Not that it’s a big deal because it’s not, it’s not a big… a big…”

He stopped in front of her, inches between their noses.

“Don’t you dare,” Peter breathed, smiling eyes locked withher widened ones, “put on a single sock more.”

“You liked my experiment?” She spoke just as much with thosebrown eyes and read with them too, scanning his face, hungry for feedback.

He swallowed, refreshing his initial shock of opening thedoor to reveal her nude body.

“It was very effective.”

“Effective,” MJ echoed with a sly smile as she snuck a handbetween them and ran her knuckles up his erection. Peter’s mouth popped open.His lips twitched up higher on one side; he could feel himself wearing thesmile he always wore when he was ready to trail after her like a puppy.

Wait, had she just turned the tables on him again? Dammit.

Peter kissed her quickly, untucking and re-tucking her hairwhile he held her face steady. She leaned her forehead against his as they drewapart.

“How was the class?” he asked. “You’re getting used to keepingsuper still?”

“I’ve always beengood at that.”

He laughed. “That’s true.”

“The best thing about it, besides making money to pay forschool, is that I can just zone out with no one bothering me. Lots of time tothink.”

“I noticed.”

“Scheming on how to get you hot always feels like a good useof my time,” MJ teased, kissing his cheek, then ducking to get beneath his jaw.He panted in surprise as her lips tickled up and down his neck.

“And I am very grateful,” he swore.

He laid his hands on her shoulders, idling in the sensationof her fingers hooking through his belt loops, her thumbs massaging the ridgehis dick made in the denim. Peter groaned. When she bit lightly at his throat,his cock leapt and his hands smoothed down to cover her breasts. Without a bra,her nipples prodded his palms through her cotton shirt.

“We’re not actually doing this here,” he verified, glancingup at the low light ringing the room and the high, dark windows.

MJ said nothing. But she unbuttoned his jeans. And shelowered the zipper. Her tongue gave his throat a single stroke before she setPeter internally staggering by going down to her knees.

“Somebody could walk in here.”

It might not be likely, with the hour and the lack of peoplehe could personally attest to viewing on his way up (and they’d all beenheading out), but it wasn’t impossible.

“Go lock the door then,” MJ suggested while peeling thefront of his boxers down and leaning forward to touch her lips to his shaft ashis cock jutted out.

“Holy…” Peter looked swiftly over his shoulder at the door(no activity), then down at the top of his girlfriend’s head. “Ok, yeah, you’vebeen doing a lot of thinking.”

“Guilty,” she whispered, flattening her tongue against him.

He watched her lick leisurely upward and part her lips overthe head of his dick. Apparently, he had two groans: histhis-is-a-delicious-hamburger groan and his sex groan. (MJ had informed him ofthis.) Peter was doing the latter now, and wasn’t too bummed to have beendenied a chance at the former. Hamburgers, like gravity, would always be there.The taste for potential exhibitionism his girlfriend seemed to have gainedalong with her part-time figure modeling gig might be fleeting. Maybe it would be permanent, but if thatwere the case and Peter was able to look back from the future on this moment,he just couldn’t believe in a timeline where he said, “You know what, baby? How‘bout we pause this and go grab that burger.” Nuh uh.

“That feels amazing,” he gasped, gently taking hold of herupper arms when she grabbed his hips, “but I hate to see you kneeling. You mustbe so stiff.”

“Interesting choice of words.”

Peter chuckled weakly as MJ’s mouth descended on him again.

“Oh fuck.”

The inside of her mouth, or her lips, or her tongue, or something (he couldn’t pinpoint itthrough the general thought of yes)vibrated with her light laugh and Peter nearly joined her on her knees.

“You’ve proved you’re a pervert who masterminded a plan toabsolutely own me while you satquietly all evening,” he admitted, tone near whining as MJ explored thepossibility of easing more of his length into her mouth. “Now let me protectyou from yourself.”

She sucked him punishingly before release, making Peter’swhole body jerk and his breathing choke off. Getting to her feet, MJ sighed.

“Ok, let’s get out of here.”

He frowned, yanking his boxers back up to cover himself.

“That’s not what I said.”

He gave his head a shake and his girlfriend put a hand onhis arm. It was super sweet, though logically, Peter knew she understoodsomething so minor wouldn’t be enough to throw him off balance.

“I think we should stay,” he said, reeling MJ into him bycurling his fingers around the waist of her jeans where it gapped away from herskin. He buried his face against her neck and let his lips graze down.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmm,” Peter agreed into her collarbone. “Get you off yourfeet for a while.”

“Off my feet,” MJ repeated, holding up a hand to begincounting on her fingers, “off my knees… You’re bossy tonight, Parker. What am I allowed to be on?”

He mumbled, lips buzzing against her.

“Hmm?” She sounded drowsy―always a good sign and always aresult of him kissing creepingly up her neck (if he did a good job).

“On me,” he repeated lowly. “Be on me, MJ, please.”

His girlfriend moaned and Peter glanced up to see her eyeshad slid shut. Skating his closed lips back and forth across her cheek, heunfastened her jeans and plunged his hand inside to cup between her legs. Hewas stunned that blowing him could get MJ so wet. Then again, his erection wasstraining pretty heroically right now as he fingered her. It made sense―peoplewho were passionate enough about each other to be turned on by the otherperson’s pleasure were for sure sufficientlynuts to have sex in an art studio.

“Gonna stay? Gonna stay here with me?” he murmured to her.

MJ took firm hold of his wrist and squeezed, a wordlessrequest for more. These were the signals they had. This was the language theyspoke. Him, the scientist. Her, the artist. Peter bent his fingers into her andused his other hand to shove her jeans down, pushing at one hip, then theother. Frantically, she tugged at his sweatshirt. With the material hiked up,MJ ran her palm hungrily over his abs.

“Platform, I guess,” she spoke into his mouth before nudginghim into a kiss. Her nails scratched lightly below his navel and Peter justabout lost his mind.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?” MJ laughed―a little airy, a little crazy―their lipsbrushing.

“Yeah.”

Peter bent and stripped her of her jeans, then hoisted herinto his arms. She made things incredibly difficult by scraping over his nippleup under his shirt and stabbing her tongue into his mouth until his hipsthumped against hers. Fingers tight in her hair, he walked blindly in thegeneral direction of the raised platform the models posed on. Setting MJ on herfeet for even a moment was dangerous; as desperately handsy as a mugger, shewrestled his sweatshirt and T off. Peter didn’t resist (in fact, smiled thewhole time) when she pushed against his chest.

He sat and she followed, ignoring the way he grinned up ather to move like she was on a mission (relatable for the guy who spent too manyof his evenings and weekends systematically clearing their city of criminals).MJ straddled Peter’s lap, but he refused to be forced onto his back, bracinghimself easily against her insisting hands.

“Wait,” he laughed.

“Can’t.”

She gripped his cock through his boxers, then, frustrated,pulled the front of them down again to wrap her fingers around him, unobstructed.Peter sighed heavily, bobbing his hips at his girlfriend’s touch.

“And you call muh… mebossy,” he gasped.

“I know what I want.”

He could only swallow and nod, looking down at her handstroking up and down his length. Surrendering, Peter laid flat on his back.

“Finally,” MJ muttered, making them both laugh.

She shuffled backward, working his jeans and boxers belowhis knees and no further. Well, it would do the job. MJ leaned low over Peter,grasping his cock and taking the head into her mouth for another insufferable,divine minute of heat and her undulating tongue. His hands were fists at hissides. Once she’d administered her last lick, Peter smoothed his hands from MJ’sknees up her thighs to urge her forward, resting her slick center against hisdick.

Breathing drowsily again, she slowed enough to let him peelher shirt off and drop it at his side, getting a whiff of her when it hit theplatform. Their eyes met.

“No condom tonight?” Peter checked. He’d forgotten for awhile there, but having her actually on top of him made him mindful. MJ hadbeen on the pill since before their first time and while they almost alwayssupplemented their prophylactic protocol with a condom, on the rare and (hecouldn’t deny it) very pleasant occasion, they skipped it.

“Again,” she teased, swinging her hair so it spilled overher shoulder and down to her chest, “is that something you want to get up for?”

“If you’re ok, I’m ok.”

She bent forward and Peter held her face with both hands,kissing her deeply.

“You’re more than ok,” MJ informed him. She wiggled a littleon his lap and he choked on a groan.

Peter let her hair glide through his fingers as she satupright to guide his cock inside her. MJ seated herself in stages, taking alittle, angling her hips, taking more, flexing (the delicate squeezes drove him insane in the best way), and dropping―just to make him grunt like he’d beenkicked in the stomach, was Peter’s theory. But he didn’t mind. Fuck, he never minded.

“We should be quick though,” she casually mentioned. “Acustodian usually comes by around 8:30 to empty the trash and recycling.”

MJ left Peter zero time for an outburst about potentiallyscarring a stranger for life if they were interrupted, planting her knees androcking her hips in a brisk rhythm that felt way too fucking good. The crown ofhis head smacked the floor as he instinctively arched his neck. Her fingerstrailed along his throat and when Peter shifted his head to look up at her, shewinked. The fact that the wink was probably at least 50% sarcastic didn’t stopit from being sexy.

Every day of his student life was about cramming morechemistry into his head, but all he could feel as they ground together―MJ’stight, rapid hold and his striving thrusts from below―was the kind of basicvinegar and baking soda reaction that goes with a middle school science fairvolcano. There was definitely a reaction coming, heat and friction creating aroiling and burning under Peter’s skin. Inside his brain. MJ opened her mouth to pant, like she was venting some ofthat pressure, but it wouldn’t be enough. Peter wedged his hands beneath herknees to save them from bruising, pumping steadily up into her.

“I know how you want it, babe,” he egged her on. MJ’seyelids fluttered and she rolled her neck in a lazy circle, still rocking. “Goafter it. Please,” Peter groaned before biting down hard on his lip.

They’d had the same talk over and over again, about what shecould dish out and what he could take. Day to day, they were careful, hissuper-durability only making his girlfriend more determined to offer delicatetreatment in contrast to the occasional battering sustained in his masked lineof work. Peter had convinced her over months and years that, while heappreciated her gentleness in most situations, he could handle more. That he,in fact, wanted more when it came tothis. That having his girlfriend throw herself into uninhibited climax-chasinglike a wave throws itself onto the shore could be one of the ways they tookcare of each other. If MJ was a force of nature, Peter was that one tree that’sstill standing after disaster’s passed by.

The sway of her hips changed from steady to rough; shewasn’t penetrated so much as impaled, palms pressing down on his chest. Peterbacked off the force of his own thrusts, simply because the intensity of whatMJ was doing was so overwhelming that he needed to start concentrating on notgetting off immediately. He focused on the sensation of his jeans bunched upagainst his shins. His mouth was open, but he had to keep reminding himself touse it to take in air―it was way too easy to just stare up at his girlfriend ina pleasured haze and forget to breathe.

When the way MJ rode him moved from violent bouncing toshallowly fucking herself with his cock on a 45° angle, Peter knew she wasclose. (Awesome, ‘cause so was he.) It wouldn’t do any good to remove his handsfrom their function as knee coasters to pinch her nipples or rub her clit; hisgirl could get herself there without any help from his fingers. Besides, hedidn’t want to see her knees turn blue and purple later because he hadn’t protectedthem.

Sinking his teeth deeper into his lip, Peter gusted air outhis nose as he drove up hard with his hips, pounding against her g-spot. MJ’sshoulders shimmied involuntarily and she clutched at his chest, dragging herclit hurriedly against the course hair at his groin while he held himself rigidand there for the taking. She’d started to whine. A long sound, frequentlybroken, that only resolved itself into his name (shouted) when all that tensioncollapsed in on her and she came, slamming her hips onto his.

While MJ was still trembling, Peter hugged her into his chestand jerked his hips spastically. He hit his own orgasm, face buried in her hairwhile he choked out a sound that tried to be, “MJ.” It felt like he’d never beempty, just thrusting forever, as long as she was there, clenching andshivering around him and all awkward elbows and compressed breasts in his arms.

His head hit the floor with a thump and MJ reached up to rubit before she’d lifted her own head off his shoulder. Her pulse or her musclesor whatever was/were still throbbing around his dick. Peter would’ve keptsoftly thrusting to see how soon they could have each other again, if not forher warning of the imminent custodian. Why hadn’t they done this in either oftheir beds and enjoyed the luxury of multiple rounds? Maybe staggering nakedtogether from the mattress to the shower? Oh right, because his deviousgirlfriend had orchestrated a scenario where he walked in on her naked. Yep,this would be one to remember.

She pushed herself up limply while Peter’s hands strokedworshipfully across her back and down her sides. He smiled up at her inadoration. MJ, naturally, rolled her eyes.

“I gotta pee.” She looked thoughtful. “But I also don’t knowif I can stand.”

“Make you a deal,” Peter offered, doing a partial sit-up tokiss her cheek. “Let me put my pants back on and I’ll carry you to the door ofthe women’s restroom.”

“And what else?”

He raised his eyebrows at her, but she waited, looking smugwith the knowledge that he’d sweeten the offer. (Damn, they were good to eachother.)

“And I’ll go down on you the second we get back to yourdorm.”

“You’ll go down on me in the elevator,” MJ negotiated. “Inthis building.”

“We’re only on the third floor!” Peter reminded her,exasperated. “That’s not enough time!”

“Do you make that kind of bullshit excuse when somebodyneeds you to save the world? Figure it out, Parker.”

Peter did figure it out and, as a result, nobodyremembered to stop for hamburgers.

[fighting-styless]

neighbor!harry

i love him so muCH

contains smut, swearing, and some fluff :)

i originally wrote this on wattpad, but never posted it bc i didn’t think it was that good ¯\_ツ_/¯ ngl i think it’s p bad. feedback would b appreciated ig

word count is about 2.5k

************

i step off the bus, putting my hood over my head to guard my already frizzy hair from the rain. it seemed to come out of nowhere, testing my luck as i neared my stop. i speed walk towards my apartment complex, feeling the wind start to pick up.

had i known the weather was going to do a complete 180 on me, i would have dressed appropriately. however, i didn't believe the forecast shared by my weather app on my phone. i didn't think it would actually rain.

i scurry up the stairs and to my door, seeing my next door neighbor fiddling with his keys to get into his as well. when we make eye contact, i give him a smile. his lips barely curve up in response as he goes back to what he was doing prior to my arrival.

"better get inside, little one. you'll freeze." he says as i reach into my book bag to get my own keys, ignoring the fact that he called me 'little one'. he'd been calling me that ever since i moved in, considering our height differences.

"almost missed the bus, would have frozen up like a popsicle." i nervously laugh, finally finding my keys under one of my many books.

"that bag is bigger than you are, heavy yeah?" he nods towards the bag on my back.

"i-you get used to it after a while." i blush, finally unlocking my door. "have a nice night, harry."

he smiles at me right before i close and lock my door.

my bag is thrown on the floor, making a loud 'thud' noise. i remove my shoes and run to my bedroom, and immediately change into an oversized t-shirt, my fuzzy pajama pants, and some fuzzy socks. i've been waiting for this moment all day.

sighing loudly, i go into my small kitchen and decide to make dinner, seeing as i hadn't eaten since about 12:30 this afternoon, and it's nearly 6:30 now.

i scan my shelves and notice that i've run out of boxes of mac and cheese and packets of ramen, and nothing good in the fridge. great. i would go to the store, but the weather isn't permitting me to do so. pizza it is, then.

i decide to just order myself a pizza and a 2 liter of my favorite soda, and binge watch movies all night, seeing as it is friday night and i have nothing planned for the next day.

i get myself comfy on my couch, pulling up my first movie right as someone knocks on my door. i quickly get up with my wallet, knowing it's the pizza.

i thank the delivery boy, handing him a tip and wishing him a safe drive back before shutting and locking the door again.

i set the pizza and soda on the coffee table and go into the kitchen to grab a cup and some napkins before making myself comfy again.

about two slices of pizza in, another knock is delivered on my door. i groan in obvious annoyance and pause my movie, setting my slice of pizza back in the box. i wipe my hands on a napkin before opening the door to see harry standing before me, in a pair of black skinny jeans and a plain white t-shirt.

"sounded a bit irritated there, bug." he chuckles.

"i was comfortable, and watching a movie. which you interrupted." i sass, knowing he can sense my sarcasm.

"jus' wanted to check on yeh, been some suspicious activity in the complex recently. did you get a pizza?" he peeks his head in to see my box of pizza.

"yeah, didn't have anything to make and i wasn't going to go back out in the rain to get groceries, so i decided to play it safe." i shrug, looking st the box and back at harry.

"would yeh mind if i joined? got nothin' planned and figured you could use some company." he asks.

"yeah, sure, um, come in." i step aside and let him in.

he isn't wearing shoes, seeing as he's right next door, and casually walks over to my couch and sits down right in my comfy spot. i walk over to him with my hands on my hips.

"somethin' wrong, pet?" he looks up at me.

"you're in my spot." i say, shifting my weight to my left foot.

"yeh? and? i'm your guest." he smirks.

"this is my apartment. not yours." i smirk back.

"and what are yeh g'nna do about it?" he stands up, towering over my small frame.

i take this opportunity to slide past him and quickly hop back in my spot, giggling as he turns around in disbelief.

"i'm gonna take it back, that's what i'm gonna do."

he chuckles and shakes his head. "lucky you're cute, otherwise i'd be mad." he sits next to me and reaches for a slice of pizza.

——————

about halfway into the third movie, i find myself spooning harry on my couch, my head back against his chest.

sleep is clearly trying to take over, but i keep nodding off. harry gently rubbing my sides isn't helping either.

"getting sleepy?" he asks, and i nod. "wan' me to carry yeh?"

i nod again, and he turns the tv off before scooping me up and finding his way to my room. he flicks the light on and gently lays me on my bed.

"stay with me?" i look up at him, sad at the loss of warmth.

he shuts my light off and lays down next to me, pulling me close to him.

"you're warm." i yawn, looking up at him. the only light is the light shining in from the street lights, and i can hardly see his face.

"you're too cute, doll." he kisses the top of my head right as i fall asleep.

————

in the dead of the night, i wake up in a sweat. i feel myself restrained, but quickly realize it's only harry's arms, and i wriggle myself free. i get up, careful not to wake him. i pad into my kitchen to grab a glass of water, and down it immediately.

after putting the glass away, i throw away the empty pizza box and soda bottle and rinse out the cups before going back into my room.

"everythin' okay?" a sleepy harry asks as i lay back down.

"yeah, just needed some water." i say quietly. i snuggle back up to his chest and can't help but smile.

"you're a cuddly little thing, yeh know?" harry chuckles lightly.

"you're warm." i say against his chest. "can't help it."

"also talk in your sleep." he nuzzles his nose in my messy hair. "said somethin' about me.”

i feel the heat rush to my cheeks. what did i say? i don't remember dreaming about him...

"w-what?" i asked, sitting up. "what did i say?"

"not tellin'." he smirks.

i can hardly see him with the low light, but i can tell he's smirking.

"tell me!" i push his shoulder.

"nope. not gonna."

"harry!" i whine. "tell meee!"

"nope. sorry, little one." he pats my thigh. "gonna keep it to meself."

"you're mean." i pout.

"now, don't be like that, poppet. yeh know i'm just playin'" he smiles.

"you're still mean." i fold my arms over my chest.

"c'mon darling, don't be like that." he pulls me back down and makes it so he is hovering over me.

i move my arms and look up at him.

"i wouldn't be mean to you." he says lowly. "you're too cute."

i blush and cover my face with my hands.

"hey," he grabs my hands and pins them to each side of my head. "wanna see that pretty little face."

"h-harry," i blush harder, looking away.

he nuzzles his nose into my neck, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine.

"wanna kiss you all over, doll." he whispers against my neck, his hands trailing down to my hips.

"no one is stopping you." i tangle my hands in his soft hair. he raises his head to look down at me before slowly leaning down and pressing his lips to mine softly.

as soon as we make contact, i feel as though lightning goes through my body. my face begins to feel hot, and my stomach does flips. his hands are firmly gripped to my hips, and his lips move slowly against mine. a man as attractive as harry always knows how to use his lips.

my hands trail to the back of his neck, playing with the baby hairs and slightly pulling at them. he pulls away slightly and rests his forehead on mine.

"i'm not gonna be able to control myself, pet. jus' want all of yeh." he whispers.

i bite my lip and whimper at his low voice.

"i'm all yours, h." i whisper back.

he presses another kiss to my lips before trailing down my face, to my jawline, and to my neck. my skin starts to tingle as he lightly kisses the base of my neck, trailing down to my collar bones.

his hands trail down to my shirt, gripping the hem of it. i lift my arms and he pulls it off of my body. his hands move to cup my breasts, lightly sucking on my nipples. i suck in a sharp breath, moaning lightly as his tongue massages my skin. he looks up at me, smirking slightly.

"got a beautiful body to match yer beautiful little face, petal." he whispers.

i bite my lip and pull him up to kiss him again, and he reaches a hand into my pants and slips into my underwear, rubbing over my slick center.

"so wet fo' me, yeah?" he rests his forehead on mine.

he eases two fingers into me, a breathy gasp escaping my lips. my eyes are shut, but i already know harry is looking down at me. his fingers slowly thrust in and out, slightly curling up.

"f-fuck... harry, feels so good." i moan quietly.

"yeah? like my fingers fucking yer tight hole?" he says lowly.

"mhm." i moan, opening my eyes to meet his. he doesn't break contact as he moves his fingers faster and harsher, causing me to curl my toes.

"if you need me to stop, don't hesitate to tell me, alrigh'?" he looks at me sternly.

i nod furiously, too caught up in my pleasure to care about him stopping. i didn't want him to stop.

he takes his fingers out, sticking them in his mouth, sucking them clean.

"taste so sweet, baby girl." he smirks.

he leans down and kisses me sweetly, his tongue massaging mine. his hands cup both my cheeks, trying to deepen the kiss more.

he trails kisses down my face, to my neck, stomach, then to where i want him most. he pulls my pants and underwear down, throwing them on the floor. he presses a kiss to my clit before sucking on it harshly, causing a high pitched squeal to come out of my throat.

"fuck, harry, god-" i moan out, tangling my hands in his curls.

he looks up at me as he nips and sucks at the sensitive bundle of nerves, being sure i see his expression. his tongue expertly laps at my center, making me curl my toes.

"harry, please... fuck!" i cry, still trying to be a bit quiet so i don't wake the neighbors.

"you'll be screaming louder than that, doll." he smirks, pulling his shirt off and tossing it to the side. he quickly unbuckles his pants and does the same with them, along with his boxers. his length is already erect, and leaking precum.

"gon' fill yeh up, alrigh'?" he whispers in my ear, rubbing his tip along my slit.

he slowly pushes himself in, carefully filling me to the hilt. my mouth falls open, a breath being let out. harry groans lowly, gripping my hips.

"harry," i whine.

"say 'yellow' if yeh need me to stop." he whispers in my ear.

"god, fuck..." i mumble.

he pulls his hips back and thrusts harshly, causing me to bounce backwards. he continues this a few times, creating a steady pace. my eyes roll to the back of my head and my mouth falls agape, unable to comprehend words.

"feels so good, darling." he moans. he puts his hands at either sides of my head and starts to thrust faster.

"i-i, aaah!" my mind is fuzzy and my hands and feet are numb. i've never felt this much pleasure before, and i sure as hell don't want him to stop.

"y/n." he says sternly, pausing his movements.

i whine, putting my hands on his waist.

"harry..."

he lifts my chin with his finger.

"do you need me to stop?" he asks, almost sounding like a father scolding his child.

"fuck, no. please." i whimper. i move my hips in an attempt to create something. "don't stop."

he pulls his hips back and starts harshly thrusting slowly, making me moan out again.

"mmm-" i whine.

"fuck baby, love your tight cunt around me." he moans in my ear. "feels so good for daddy."

i feel a fire in my gut as he moans the word. daddy. i would have never suspected that harry had a daddy kink.

"f-fuck!" i whine.

he connects our lips, speeding up his thrusts. his mouth expertly moves against mine, concealing my moans.

"not gonna last much longer, pet." he slightly pulls away.

he flips me over so i'm on my stomach, and my ass is in the air. he grips my cheeks and continues his thrusts. i bury my face in my sheets, grabbing a fist of them in each hand as i moan out into the mattress. harry delivers light smacks to my ass as i feel my high approaching.

"cum for me, baby girl. cum all over daddy." he encourages.

i leg out a high pitched squeal as my entire body starts to shake. i squeeze my eyes shut and let my body fall limp as i feel his cock twitch inside me before he quickly pulls out and releases on my back.

i lay still for a couple of seconds trying to catch my breath. my fingers, toes, and lips are tingly and my chest is quickly rising and falling. i feel a weight off of the bed as i hear harry leave the room and quickly return. i feel a tissue being rubbed down my back as he cleans up his mess, and throws the tissue in the trash can.

he pulls his boxers back up and reaches for my shirt on the floor, carefully sitting me up and pulling it over my head. i look up at him with doe eyes as he leans down and kisses me gently but sweetly.

i lay down exhausted, and he lays next to me, pulling me close. he wraps an arm around me and rubs my back soothingly.

"yeh alright?" he whispers.

"mhm..." i nod. "just overwhelmed."

“g’nna be sore tomorrow. better stay home.” he winks.

[dillydedalus]

what i read in july

THAT’S MORE LIKE IT aka i’m finally out of the (relative) reading slump for good & my bro james joyce was there

men explain things to me, rebecca solnit the original mansplaining essay is great, and still scarily relevant; the others in this collection (most on feminist issues) are also quite good; some aspects are a bit dated & problematic so be aware of that. 2.5/5

erschlagt die armen!, shumona sinha (tr. from french, not available in english) short but very impactful novella about a young french woman, originally from india, who works as an interpreter in the asylum system and becomes more & more broken by this system of inhumane bureaucracy and suffering, until she snaps and hits a migrant over the head with a wine bottle. full of alienation and misery and beautiful but disturbing language - the title translates to ‘beat the poor to death’ so like. yeah. 3.5/5

fire & blood: a history of the targaryen family I, george r r martin look, it’s a 700-page-long fake history book about a fictional ruling dynasty in a fictional world, and i’m just That Obsessed & Desperate about asoiaf (and i don’t even care about the targs That Much). anyway, now i know more about the targs than any ruling family from, you know, real history, which is like, whatever. this is pretty enjoyable if you are That Obsessed, although i will say that some bits are much better than others (there are some dry dull years even in everyone’s fav overly dramatic dragon-riding incest-loving family) and the misogyny really is. a lot. too much. way too much. BUT i did really like Good Best Queen Alysanne (her husband king joe harris is alright too i guess) and i found my new westerosi otp, cregan stark/aly blackwood, who both have Big Dick Energy off the fucking charts. 3.5/5 (+0.5 points for cregan and aly’s combined BDE)

the old drift, namwali serpell hugely ambitious sprawling postcolonial nation-building novel about zambia, told thru three generations of three families, as well as a chorus of mosquitoes (consistently the best & smartest parts). there is A LOT going on, in terms of characters, of plot points, of references to history (the zambian space programme) and literature (finally my knowledge of heart of darkness paid off) and thematically, and honestly it was a bit too much, a bit too tangled & fragmented & drifty, and in the end i probably admire this book more than i liked it, but serpell’s writing is incredibly smart and funny and full of electrical sparks 3.5/5

a severed head, iris murdoch the original love dodecahedron (not that i counted). iris murdoch is fucking WILD and i love her for it. this is a strange darkly funny little farce about some rich well-educated londoners and their bizarre & rather convoluted love lives. not as grandiosely wild as the sea the sea, but fun nevertheless. 3/5

midnight in chernobyl, adam higginbotham jumping on the hype bandwagon caused by the hbo series (very weird to call the current fascination with chernobyl a hype bandwagon but you know). interesting & well-written & accessible (tho the science is still totally beyond me) & gets you to care about the people involved. lots of human failure, lots of human greatness, set against the background of the almost eldritch threat of radioactivity (look up the elephant foot & see if you don’t get chills), and acute radiation syndrome which is THE MOST TERRIFYING THING ON EARTH . 3.5/5

normal people, sally rooney honestly this is incredibly engrossing & absorbing once you get used to how rooney completely ignores ‘show don’t tell’ (it works!), i pretty much read the whole thing in one slow workday (boss makes a dollar, i make a dime so i read books on my phone on company time, also i genuinely had nothing to do). i also think rooney is really good at precisely capturing the ~millenial experience in a way that feels very true, especially the transition from school to uni. BUT i really disliked the ending, the book never engages with the political themes it introduces (esp. class and gender) as deeply as it could and the bdsm stuff never really gets TIED UP LOL. so overall idk: 3.5/5

störfall: nachrichten eines tages, christa wolf quiet reflective undramatic little book narrated by a woman waiting to hear about the outcome of her brother’s brain surgery on the day of the catastrophe at chernobyl - throughout the day she puts down her thoughts about her brother and the events unfolding at chernobyl, as well as the double uncertainty she is trying to cope with. really interesting to read such an immediate reaction to chernobyl (the book came out less than a year after chernobyl). 2.5/5

the man in the high castle, philip k dick it was fine? quick & entertaining alternative history where the axis powers win the war, some interesting bits of worldbuilding (like the draining of the mediterranean which was apparently a real idea in the early 20th century?) but overall it’s just felt a bit disjointed & unsatisfying to me. 2.5/5

fugitive pieces, anne michaels very poetic & thoughtful novel about the holocaust, grief, remembrance & the difference between history and memory, intergenerational trauma, love, geology and the weather. i’m not sure how much this comes together as a novel, but it is absolutely beautifully written (the author is a poet as well) and very affective. 3.5/5

american innovations, rivka galchen short collection of bizarre & often funny short stories about neurotic women whose furniture flies away, or who grow an extra breast, or who are maybe too occupied with financial details. very vague & very precise at once, which seems to be the thing with these sort of collections. 3/5

fool’s assassin (fitz & the fool #1), robin hobb YAASS i’m back in the realm of the elderlings!!! i thought this was one of the weaker installments in the series - i still enjoyed it a lot, and Feelings were had, but it just doesn’t quite fit together pacing-wise & some of the characterisation struck me as off (can i get some nuance for shun & lant please?) and tbh fitz is at peak Selfcentred Dumbass Levels & it drove me up the fucking wall. molly, nettle & bee deserve better. still, completely HYPE for the rest of the trilogy. 3.5/5

JAMES JOYCE JULY

note: i decided not to read dubliners bc it’s my least fav of joyce’s major works & too bleak & repetitive for my mood right now AND while i planned not to reread finnegans wake bc……. it’s finnegans wake…. i kinda do want to read it now (but i also. really don’t.) so idk yet.

a portrait of the artist as a young man, james joyce y’all. i read this book at least once a year between the ages of 15 and 19, it’s beyond formative, it is burnt into my brain, and reading it now several years later it is still everything, soaring and searing (that searing clarity of truth, thanks burgess) and poetic and dirty, and stephen is baby, and a pretentious self-important little prick and i love him & i am him (or was him as only a pretentious self-important teenage girl reading joyce can be him - because this truly is a book that should be read in your late teens when you feel everything as intensely and world-endingly and severely as my boy stephen does and every new experience feels like the world changing). anyway i love this book & i love stephen dedalus, bird-like, hawk-like, knife-blade, aloof, alienated, severe and stern, a poet-priest-prophet if he could ever get over himself, baby baby baby. 5/5

exiles, james joyce well. there’s a reason joyce is known as a novelist. this is….. a failed experiment, maybe. a fairly boring play about an adulterous love-square and uh… love beyond morality and possession maybe??? about how much it would suck for joyce to return to ireland??? and tbh it’s not terribly interesting. 2/5

travesties, tom stoppard a wild funny irreverent & smart antic comedy inspired by the fact that during ww1, james joyce, lenin, and dadaist tristan tzara were all in neutral zurich, more or less simultaneously; they probably never met, but in this play they do, as dadaist poetry, socialist art critique, and a james joyce high on his own genius & in desperate need of some cash while writing ulysses, AND the importance of being earnest (joyce is putting on a production of it) all collide in the memories of henry carr, who played algernon & later sued joyce over money (tru facts). not my fav stoppard (that’s arcadia) but it’s funny & fizzy & smart & combines many many things that i love. 4/5 

ulysses, james joyce look i’m not really going to tell y’all anything new about ulysses, but it really has everything, it’s warm & human(e) & cerebral & difficult & funny & sad & healing & i always get a lot out of it even tho there’s bits (a lot of them) i’ll never wrap my head around. ultimate affirmation of humanity or whatever. also stephen dedalus is baby. 5/5

dedalus, chris mccabe the fact that this book (sequel to ulysses about what stephen dedalus might have done the next day) exists and was published ON MY BIRTHDAY is proof that the universe loves me. 

anyway this is very very good, very very clever, extremely good at stephen (less good at bloom but his parts are still good), engages w/ ulysses, portrait & hamlet (& others) very cleverly & does some cool meta and experimental shit. y’all it has stephen talking to a contemporary therapist about how he’s stuck in joyce’s text which is all about joyce & very little about whoever stephen is when he’s not joyce’s alter ego/affectionate but slightly amused look at younger self and ithaca is an interview w/ the author about how his relationship to his dad influenced his response to ulysses and I’M INTO IT. the oxen of the sun chapter replaces the whole ‘gestation of english prose’ w/ just slightly rewriting the first pages of about 10 novels published between ulysses and now & it does lolita w/ “bloom, thorn of stephen’s sleep, light in his eyes. his sire, his son’ and i lit. screamed. anyway i don’t want to give this 5 stars (yet) bc i think some of the experimental stuff ended up a bit gimmicky & didn’t add that much to the text but fuck. that’s my boy & i want to reread it right now. 4.5/5 ALSO it’s a crime no literary weirdo woman has written ‘a portrait of the artist’s sister’ about delia ‘dilly’ dedalus, shadow of stephen’s mind, quick far & daring, teaching herself french from a 3rd hand primer while her father drinks the nonexistent family fortune away and her older brother is getting drunk on a beach & starting fights w/ soldiers bc he’s a smartarse

[werewolfwilds]

i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that

new answers bolded

1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika

2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

nooooope // nah

3) what was your last text message?

my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol

4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,

5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe

6) what was your coolest halloween costume?

a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh

7) what was your favorite 90s show?

uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,

8) who was your last kiss?

(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao

9) have you ever been stood up?

nope //  nah

10) favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it

11) have you been to las vegas?

nahh // nope

12) your favorite pair of shoes?

idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now

13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?

14) what is your favorite fruit?

hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!

15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself  dating/having sex with? if possible?

….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol

16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?

hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)

17) do you smoke? if so, what?

nope dont wanna // no thanks

18) what do you do to get over your anger?

usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh

19) do you believe in god?

nahh // nah

20) does the person you’re in love with know it?

i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.

21) favorite position?

………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A

22) what’s your horoscope sign?

virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven

23) your fears?

literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))

24) how many pets do you have? what kind?

two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog

25) what never fails to turn you on?

i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof

26) your idea of a perfect first date?

im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha

27) what is something most people don’t know about you?

i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.

28) what makes you feel the happiest?

nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to

29) what store do you shop at most often?

does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target

30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?

kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l

31) do you believe in karma?

sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed

32) are you single?

yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao

33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.

34) are you a good swimmer?

ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao

35) coffee or tea?

ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me

36) online shopping or shopping in person?

depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety

37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older

38) cats or dogs?

do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you

39) are you a competitive person?

ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah

40) do you believe in aliens?

i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me

41) do you like dancing?

i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina

42) what kind of music to you listen to?

nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !

43) what is your favorite cartoon character?

i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this

44) where are you from?

philadelphia uvu // philly!

45) eat at home or eat out?

hmmm at home. // at home

46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it

47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?

bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think

48) why do you think your followers follow you?

uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!

49) how many hours do you sleep at night?

it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me

50) what worries you most about the future?

everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol

[0225pm]

undefined

hello!

ok idk if i should actually like create a separate blog for personal posts since this blog is mainly for han’s viewing pleasure but then again, its such a hassle to keep up with another blog so i thought ah wtheck, i’m just post everything here la hahaha whenever i feel like writing something. 

so yesterday, i didn’t have much plans for the day so i was basically free the whole friday. dayah at the last minute asked me out to accompany her collect some speaker thing for one of her event jobs for the upcoming month and since i have nothing to do at home and would much rather be out walking and burning calories (i’ll talk about this part later) i thought, ok sure why not.

so i took a quick shower, got dressed and did some light makeup. yes, your girl still isn’t confident enough to go anywhere far without at least putting on some foundation to cover them nasty scars haha but ok so i prepped and shit and met her at the bus stop. we were gonna head to aljunied and she suggested taking the bus to bedok so i said are you sure? cus i think it’s much nearer if we take towards eunos. but since the bus was already right in front of us we ended up just boarding it to bedok anyway.

so upon reaching bedok mrt station, i looked at the map and pointed out to her that it was really much nearer if we actually took the train from eunos (it was about 2 stops if i’m not wrong) but ah well, the rice has become porridge HAHAHHAAH. ok then we went to aljunied, and towards this ulu office area. i’ve actually been there with her before once, so this was my 2nd time and i guess i’m quite familiar with the area already la hahaha. i never follow blindly ok. 

i had to wait for quite some for her to be done cus the person was explaining something to her. it was kinda awkward standing there but the people going in and out of the tiny office space didn’t really seem to mind so that was good, i guess. i was also perspiring a little in the office wtf. it didn’t even feel like there was any aircon at all. but i wasn’t complaining about it la cus if i were to wait and stand outside it’s gonna be even hotter. the weather is really shitty wtf.

initially the plan was collect speaker > go see doctor > she goes to the bazaar with her classmates while i go home. cus like i said, i just wanted to get out of the house and walk so i was fine with going home early since i at least already get to walk a bit for the day. but unfortunately, the doctor didn’t have an afternoon session for fridays so she ended up cancelling on her class outing and then she suggested ok why not we go to the bazaar after seeing the doctor? so i said sure i’m cool. cus i haven’t been to the bazaar yet and since it was past the break fast timing, i thought ah pretty sure it’s not gonna be that crowded la hahahahaha (i was wrong lmao)

it was so fucking crowded but tbh, wasn’t as bad as last year. and i tried to be at peace with myself cus apparently when you’re peaceful you won’t really feel the heat but lol it was hard trying to brainwash yourself especially while standing in front of strong lighting that’s emitting heat haha but ok la both of us survived the heat and i didn’t complained a lot about perspiring so yay achievement? :-) 

before we left, we got the bucket of meatballs and fries to share and then she went to get some keropok lekor for her family. i also bought like 2 sticks of cheese hotdogs along the way home.

oh and as i was saying, i’m burning calories cus i’m trying to lose some weight. in fact, i’m on some sort of stupid irregular diet regimen right now. i say irregular cus i don’t stick to the right timings to eat lmao hahaha. also the main reason why i’m on this stupid unhealthy way of dieting is because i need to lose as much weight and physical body fat as much as possible within 2 weeks to fit into my dress. i bought a dress off asos and i thought ah, i think i’m a uk14. i usually wear uk14-16 for clothing on asos and i thought to myself i think this dress will definitely be able to fit me just fine since it looks loose fitting but lol my package arrived and i tried on the dress but i couldn’t zip it up 100% lmao it was too tight and i think the moment i sit down it’ll probably burst or something sigh. i have such a broad back :( i think it’s mainly bc the dress isn’t made of the usual jersey material that’s slight stretchable so i overestimated my own size lmao hahahah anyway it sucks to be me right now cus i’m trying not to consume too much carbs. tbh, i’m trying to stick to a 700-800 calories diet per day which is like one meal per day? but it’s really unhealthy and i don’t want to go back to the old me eating sweet potatoes for a week to the point where i felt really weak and lethargic. my skin was yellow and pale and i look so sickly wtf. my hair was also falling out more than usual. and i really really really don’t wanna go back on that route so i’m trying out this stupid diet i found that apparently IU did for 3 days. except mine is gonna have to last for 2 weeks which is why i tweak the food she consumed a little.

she has an apple for breakfast, 1 sweet potato for lunch and 1 protein shake for dinner.

but since i’m not gonna be doing this for only 3 days i cannot go into starvation mode so quickly or else my body is gonna go crazy (been there done that - rmbr the sweet potato diet? hahaha i did lose like 2 inches off my waist though doing that diet).

so what i do is:

i still have 1 apple per day. lunch or the “main” meal of the day will be something that has some carbs but not rice or noodles to sub the sweet potato (my sweet potatoes has gone rotten and i haven’t went out to buy any new ones). if i really want rice or noodles or bread, max is 2 mouthfuls. dinner would be protein milk+whey or chocolate soymilk to make up for the lack of glucose (yes hahha i need some glucose to sustain me)

if not then i’ll switch them up, like maybe protein based food for lunch like chicken and fish and then dinner would be soymilk.

basically limiting my intake of sugar and carbs la hahahaha fuck its only the 2nd day and i want to die. 

[critical--veins]

Answer all of those horrible questions 🙌🏼

Damn if u say so!

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

yes! I luv my parents v much they’re so supportive of me :’)

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

my parents! lol

03: Do you regret anything?

I regret agreeing to answer all these :) :)

04: Are you insecure?

BOY AM I

05: What is your relationship status?

lonely wit a big fat heart!

06: How do you want to die?

soon?

07: What did you last eat?

I’m eating a veggie burger now & it’s tasty, idk what its made of but it’s tasty

08: Played any sports?

I did competitive cheerleading in high school :-)

09: Do you bite your nails?

no !

10: When was your last physical fight?

I physically fight myself everyday, she’s a fucking bitch

11: Do you like someone?

u see.. I have an underlying crush on a boy I can’t have... that I repress,,, so for the sake of this uhhh nope def not in luv with anyone ,,

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

no, but now I’m intrigued? should I??? am I missing out?

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

lucy

14: Do you miss someone?

yes I miss my best friend & my family sooooo much going to school far away is rlly hard sometimes :///

15: Have any pets?

I HAVE THREE CATS, ANGEL MEEKO AND FINN & THEY’RE WONDERFUL

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

ok real talk,, really good! I met with my adviser to schedule my fall classes & we had such a good talk, she told me I was so organized & it was a lovely conversation, she’s so sweet I luv her. also I took two fucking exams today & I don’t think I flopped on any of those, then I just spent an hour in lab lookin at fish so I’ve had a rlly good productive day & that’s rare bc usually I’m just Sad :) 

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

NO SOUNDS HOT THO

18: Are you scared of spiders?

if they sneak up on me yes! otherwise they’re not the worst! kinda cute!

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

fuck noooooo I’ve grown so much these past two years or so & I still am tbh, don’t wanna relive all that shit lol

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

if by snog u mean kissed.. uhhhh chili’s parking lot ahahasdkalk

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

I’m going on a day trip to boston on saturday to go to the aquarium?? never been to boston so that’s exciting & aquariums are so fuckin cute.. then sunday I’m going to a hardcore show w my friend for a band called boundaries & I luv those guys :) 

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

YEAH PROBABLY LIKE 2

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

just my lobes but I want my noseeee so bad

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

I’m a slut for science

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

I miss some friends sometimes

26: What are you craving right now?

fuck man so much affection, I’ve been single for a long ass time now,,, gotta cuddle myself :/ :/

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah it wasn’t all that tho, not a good time lol 

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

no!

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

idk

30: What’s irritating you right now?

college has been really fucking intense & I wanna go home, plus there’s a boy making my life one big shit plate but it’s been this way for like a year so Ii’m fiene :) 

31: Does somebody love you?

I hope lol 

32: What is your favourite color?

GREEN :) 

33: Do you have trust issues?

I’m kind of a fool actually & I trust too easily so if anyone wants to hmu & tell me how to distance myself without missing him that’d be gr8 lol. . 

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

damn this is bouta fuckin expose me! I dreamed about the boy from q33 & q30 bc he has broken my brain! it was a nice dream tho, my dreams are the only time it’s nice hahahahahasdoiflksdjfl

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

I don’t often cry in front of ppl but I think the last time I did was in front of my parents bc they were helping me pay for school. they give me so much I felt really bad but so thankful at the same time & just had a fucking meltdown lol, college is expensive it’s real fucked

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

IF I HAD TO SUM UP MY PERSONALITY IT WOULD BE “gives out second chances too easily” LOL

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgetttt

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

god I fuckin hope not

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

I was 16 I was rlly old, bc ulgy & introverted

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

no but again, should I ?

51: Favourite food?

mac & cheese will forever be the most superior food & u can’t change my mind

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

absolutely not lol

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

uhhhh I was listening to balance & composure, and la dispute & staring at the wall bc that’s all I do

54: Is cheating ever okay?

I’m gonna say no but if it DOES happen, pls don’t stay with that person, break up with them, be honest, just don’t continue on like nothing happened bc if you’re cheating you obv don’t care enough about the person to be able to have a real healthy & sustainable relationship. 

55: Are you mean?

I never fucking talk

56: How many people have you fist fought?

zero (see above answer)

57: Do you believe in true love?

I believe the human brain is weird as fuck & if you wanna believe in true love you can have it, but the other person has to be on the same page u kno what I mean?? is true love real? no. but is anything real? also no. 

58: Favourite weather?

I’m a summer hoe til I die! gimme sunshine & fucking HEAT

59: Do you like the snow?

I do loveeeeeeeeee the snow tho it’s so pretty, I just love being outdoors & I get cold easily so summer is my shit. 

60: Do you wanna get married?

I WANNA GET MARRIED RIGHT FUCKING NOW

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

it’s the best

62: What makes you happy?

music, art, nature, my friends & family

63: Would you change your name?

I like the name lucy! I just wish whenever I tell ppl my name’s lucy they didn’t respond by telling me about a dog they knew named lucy (it happens almost every time lmalkdfj) 

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

all I think about is kissing the last person I kissed, it’d be the best thing lol 

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

idk man, I’d be like “thank u” 

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

yes!

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

the fucking boy I’ve been complaining about for every question lmao

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probably my friend emily! we always get deep it’s gr8

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

I do not at all actually

70: Is there anyone you would die for? 

DIE FOR MY FRIENDS YO

thank u for tha ask sorry if my answers suck :)

[its-love-u-asshole]

Our Best Bet [fic]

Pairing: Matsukawa Issei/Hanamaki Takahiro 

Summary: Takahiro didn’t plan to spend part of his honeymoon lost in a corn maze, but it’s not as bad as he would’ve thought.

Rating: T

Tags: Halloween exchange, established relationships, honeymoons bc I love these nerds, fluff

Note: Look at me, I got to get this fic out on the first day! This fic is for @catholicorprotestant for the Halloween fic exchange! I’m so happy I got to participate in this exchange, it was a lot of fun, especially because it was my first time writing this pairing ^^ I hope you enjoy! <3 

AO3

Fall was the best time of year for a number of reasons, but mostly because it meant the arrival of all things dark and eerie.

Takahiro ate that shit up.

It had always been his dream to take a trip to the world's most haunted locations. Think of it as his chance at studying abroad, only with getting scared shitless as the main focus.

And he was lucky enough to be blessed with a husband who felt the same way.

At the thought, Takahiro couldn't help but link his hand with Issei's as they walked down the dirt path, content with taking in the fresh air mingled with the faint scent of hay.

Pumpkins and crates littered the path, some molded, some huge and perfect for carving. Fall was definitely here, and he soaked up the season like a drug.

As if sensing Takahiro's giddiness for what was to come, Issei grinned lazily at him, squeezing his hand. It only made Takahiro's energy rise further.

Issei really was his best friend, and when they'd finally tied the knot a week or so ago, there had been no question as to what their honeymoon would be. Naturally, they were pretty in sync about the decision.

Now, they weren't the richest, so Takahiro's teenage dream of traveling the globe in one go was farfetched. But well, they could start small.

After all, they were going to be together for the rest of their lives. They had time.

The rush of the fact still sent a tiny thrill through Takahiro's body. He was married. Married. It was fucking awesome. They got to do cute domestic shit, like grocery shopping, and bickering over what brand of chips to buy. He could steal Issei's covers in bed and not worry about when he had to return to his own apartment. And yeah sure, he knew there was way more to it than that, but he'd picked Issei for a reason. All the emotional and mental support Takahiro needed, Issei had already proven himself capable of giving, and vice versa.

He'd get to have Issei as a constant companion, which honestly, wasn't that big of a change. He just had a ring to go with it. At the end of the day, if it were the two of them together, their honeymoon would be amazing. And if they had all the time in the world, what better place to start than America?

It definitely didn't have a shortage of haunted locations, and Takahiro had studied profusely before narrowing it down to five. Tomorrow, they had a haunted hotel they were going to be staying in, along with taking a night tour of the old town ruins and other supposedly haunted buildings nearby. Takahiro was stoked. He'd yet to actually have an experience himself, but feeling the chill in the air and hearing all the myths surrounding the various locations always interested him. He'd studied history in college, sue him.

Also, Issei kept swearing he'd caught pictures of flying orbs, but Takahiro had yet to be convinced.

One day. One day he'd have his dinner party story. Until then, he'd waste time in corn mazes.

Oh yeah. The corn maze. They wouldn't be able to check into their haunted hotel until the next day, so they'd decided to find a cheaper motel for the night and scout for a good corn maze, because why the hell not? Takahiro had seen them everywhere since arriving in the states, and he felt sickened to have never experienced them before.

They seemed like an essential fall activity, and he was going to get in on that dammit.

"Ready to lose?" Issei's smug voice already had Takahiro geared up to go, but no, he had to re-establish the rules first. He loved his husband, but Takahiro doubted his sportsmanship when it came to these things.

"Wait, rundown time," Takahiro spun around, facing his husband with a seriousness almost too severe for what they were doing. In fact, as he spoke, he saw groups of giggling children exiting the corn maze to his right, but that was unimportant. "After the extensive research of yours truly, we have agreed that this is the best corn maze in the area. Correct?"

"Check," Issei said, obviously amused by Takahiro's ramblings.

"Good," Takahiro continued, signature smirk on his face. "I don't need you being a sore loser at the end of this."

"You're the one who threw a fit last time you couldn't finish ten brownies before me--"

"Unimportant. You cheated by the way, but it's in the past. This, this is the real deal," Takahiro said, pointing to the shoddy corn maze sign above them. "First person to find the way out buys the loser dessert at the hotel tomorrow. Deal?"

Takahiro extended his hand, forming a fist, because fist bumps were the only certifiable way of making a contract.

Issei smirked wider at him, and had he not been so hellbent on crushing his opponent, Takahiro might've suggested just going back to the car to make out. But no. He had to do this, it was his calling.

Issei raised his own hand, bumping their fists together. "Deal."

And just like that, they were off, picking their destined paths. The weather was perfect, the sun was still out, and Takahiro's navigation skills were not something to be doubted.

Oh yeah, Takahiro had things in the bag.

--

Things were not in the bag. They were very far from the bag. The bag had been shredded and tossed in a ditch somewhere.

Takahiro had made more wrong turns than he could count, and not even his footprints in the dirt were helping him steer clear of repeated paths anymore. Simply because now they were everywhere, littering the ground, as if he'd exhausted every conceivable pathway, but still had yet to find a goddamn exit.

If there were any exits. He couldn't be sure anymore.

This. This is what hell is like.

Every twist seemed to lure him deeper into the never-ending maze with no hope of salvation. The sun was setting just beyond the horizon, the chilling wind disturbing the acres of corn stalks. He was surrounded. He could be being watched and not even realize it. The stalks felt taller and taller as he walked deeper into the maze, like they were consuming him.

Fuck this. He could die here. Why hadn't they thought to carry flares or some shit?

Did no one realize how embarrassing it was going to be to have to explain in the afterlife how he'd died in a goddamn children's corn maze? No one would respect him.

Fucking corn. Bullshit.

The fact that this had been his idea was an even harsher blow.

There was only one thing worse, one thing which he couldn't resolve within himself. It hurt his pride, and that far outweighed any satisfaction he might've gotten otherwise. See, on top of all that other shit, he kept running into--

"Son of a bitch!" Issei yelled as Takahiro turned a corner, bringing them face to face. For the fourth time. It seemed they were both cocky asshole, go figure. They actually thought they could manage to get out of a godforsaken corn maze.

They'd been arrogant. They'd tested heaven itself, making a competition out of this. Who the hell did they think they were?

Takahiro threw up his hands, resigned to his fate of dying right in that very spot. "I've had enough, we both suck! There's no way out of here!"

Issei kept pacing the small length of the section they were in, his normally relaxed expression teetering on full blown anxiety. His eyes darted towards the corn stalks, the approaching darkness making their surrounding presence all the more unsettling.

"Okay babe, we should...we should think about this...eight year olds can do this," Issei informed, as if Takahiro didn't know any damn better.

"Issei, we're twenty-six, and neither of us could find a damn way out of here," Takahiro deadpanned. He was so not here for this shit. Normally he'd find this sort of situation funny, but now he was just getting pissed. Plus, he had no way of knowing what kind of murderers hung out in corn mazes. "Trust me, you'd know. If I had to come back into this hell just to find you, you can bet your ass I'd be gloating about it. Do you see me gloating? No."

"You're so romantic," Issei said, his lips quirking up in that way which would never stop being annoyingly attractive. Damn you.

"I'd be even more romantic if we could get out of here," Takahiro said, his brief smirk turning into a grimace as he turned his attention towards the pathways.

From the section they were in, there were only two ways that led out towards other parts of the maze. One would lead them closer to the exit, and one would lead them to sudden doom (not to be dramatic).

They had to work together on this, since apparently they were more brainless than originally thought.

Which meant one thing and one thing only...

Motherfucker. I really wanted that dessert.

He'd figure out how to pester Issei into buying it for him anyways, but for now...

"Truce?" Takahiro said, glancing towards the path which somehow was clear of footprints. How had he missed that before?

Issei already seemed way ahead of him, taking Takahiro's hand in his before the word was completely out. Heat rushed up to Takahiro's cheeks, and he had to curse himself. What was this, high school?

He'd held Issei's hand so much, he felt like he knew it just as well as his own, to the point where it bothered him to not be holding his hand. In fact, even in the hour they'd been apart in this dumb corn maze, he'd missed it.

Screw the competition for real, nothing was better than walking side by side with his husband, getting lost together. It's what they did best.

And well, if they ended up being cut up by a serial killer, that's just how they would go.

Issei grinned at him, pulling Takahiro along with one chaste kiss. "Definitely."

Takahiro would make sure to give him way more back at the hotel, but that plan could wait. 

--

Okay so, maybe the kissing would wait until after Takahiro could take a long bath, but that wasn’t the point. He was exhausted, but they were making progress.

They’d managed to get lost together a third time, leaving them on the south side of the maze. The only upside was that they’d only been through this section once before each, so it was probably their best bet to finding the actual exit.

It had to be around here somewhere…

“If we die in here, do you think we’ll come back as ghosts?” Issei asked as they strolled along the next dirt path, coming to a fork in the road.

“God I hope not. If I have to walk this shit forever, I’m going to be so fucking pissed,” Takahiro responded, squeezing Issei’s hand for support. “Now, which way?”

It was a much more difficult question than it sounded. Both new paths had yet to be explored by either of them, judging from the lack of footprints. It was a blessing and a curse, and Takahiro wasn’t willing to take chances anymore.

Carefully, he drew an ‘X’ in the dirt behind them, so if the path they chose ended up being wrong, they’d maybe be able to try again.

Yeah, if we can even make it back here.

If they picked the wrong way, they could end up back in the middle of the maze for all they knew. Takahiro’s only way of knowing they were even in the south portion was thanks to the unhelpful signs which were posted (they didn’t actually provide any help, and Takahiro was almost one hundred percent sure they were there to increase despair. He was going to leave one hell of a review on yelp).

“I say right,” Issei said quickly, and Takahiro turned to him, stunned.

His husband simply shrugged. “This whole maze, I’ve been picking left, because I prefer to go left, but I’ve been wrong each time. As petty as I am about that, I’m sick of being here. I want to go back to the hotel and make out, so, right it is.”

Huh.

Takahiro couldn’t really argue with that logic.

Snorting at Issei’s motivations (and totally agreeing), Takahiro pulled them forward, dead set on making his husband’s dreams a reality.

--

Takahiro’s number one rule: always trust Issei.

He’d been right, and as soon as the path began to open up, Takahiro felt his hopes rising, until…

They finally made it out of the hell maze, and Takahiro almost kissed the dirt beneath his feet. But he didn't.

Because there were still some people around.

And that would've been extra.

He did it in his mind though. Issei on the other hand, had no issue dropping to his knees and thanking the heavens above. He went as far as to pull Takahiro into a cheesy movie hug afterwards too, twirling him and everything.

Takahiro didn't protest, his husband was the biggest nerd, but it wasn't like he was any better. Man, he loved Issei.

Like a lot.

Takahiro didn't mind the stares as he kissed Issei openly, the random surge of affection overpowering him in that moment.

To think a corn maze could get him going, he'd have to recommend it to Oikawa and Iwaizumi.

The thought itself made him chuckle against Issei's mouth, and his husband returned the joy without question.

Oh yeah, Issei was the one.

"So..." Issei said slowly, squinting at Takahiro as they started walking back to the car.

"We never mention this to anyone?" Takahiro finished hopefully, and laughed when Issei exhaled in relief.

"You read my mind," Issei said with a smirk, swinging their joined hands like they were school children. "But, I still want that dessert."

"Split it?" Takahiro suggested, and kiss to his cheek was confirmation enough.

The day hadn't exactly gone as expected, but he didn't regret a moment, especially if it was getting finished off with cream puffs.

They still had plenty of honeymoon plans to check off their list too, and no doubt room for more fuck ups they would take to the grave. What else was marriage for than to have a partner in crime?

After today, Takahiro was pretty sure they were prepared for anything.

Having Issei by his side, he already felt invincible. And to think, they still had a multitude of haunted places to conquer (or run from). They might not be the best at it, but as long as they were together, Takahiro didn't doubt they'd make it out alive.

It's what they did best, after all.