#an acquaintance the other day even said they loved my Jason opinions

[littledead-ridinghood]

Came out as a Cheer hater and believer that even BftC and Morrison!Jason were better than Zadarsky’s version to my comic friends today and I got unanimous support

[k1ng-for-a-day]

Fluff headcanons for Freddy and Jason, platonic/friends

:00000000 Another request??? How intriguing. I’m kinda excited for this one actually, (probably because I actually like Freddy Krueger. Sorry I’m a dumbass). Anyways I hope you enjoy this, even thought it’s probably not the greatest.

A platonic friendship between two different entities? Might seem a bit rough, but they’ll make it. I think,

🖤How The Hell Did This Happen?🖤

😼🗡 I feel like it was on accident when they became ‘close’ with each other. Like the Mondo and Ishimaru situation in Danganronpa, except it wasn’t at a bath house. (Imagine it though-)

😼🗡 It probably started because Krueger was jealous of Jason, and attempted to mimick his own rival in order to beat his own game. In the end, however, Jason would always laugh at Freddy being a dumbass, and would attempt to help him.

😼🗡 Freddy being egotistical was probably like, “get tf away I’m fine 😾” and would do everything on his own. When he would almost successfully complete the task, Jason would outsmart him and ruin his scheme. At this point Freddy was pissed at him for doing this and confronted him about it.

😼🗡 “Hey forest tumor, what the fuck did you do to my plan?” The crispy ass bacon man asked the hockey masked man.

😼🗡 Jason simply snickered and said one word, “Yes.”

😼🗡 At this point Freddy is just amused, abliterated, broken, bewildered, and utterly frustrated at this point. He started to retort something to Jason and they start a whole ass argument. This argument practically lasts for generations, but suddenly Jason came up with an idea. He quickly wrote it down..

😼🗡 What it said was this: If Freddy could somehow not become egotistical for a week, then Jason will serve Freddy in the dream world. If Jason could become more ‘selfish’ than ‘selfless’, then Freddy will get whatever he wants. The two agreed to this arrangement and thought they were going to win.

Day 1

😼🗡 Everything is off to a pretty decent start. Freddy had attempted to help people much more, and has completely removed the snarkiness within his comments. Additionally he’s also made more people happy within this short outcome. It seemed like he was a generally nice guy. Like he was before... the event. Nevertheless Krueger seemed immensely different to the one we all know of.

😼🗡 Jason on the other hand was a different story. He was unable to give small berries to the creatures within the forest, and had to act more like Krueger. How was he supposed to do that? It was difficult for him nonetheless, but he barely succeeded. At some points of the trial he had to stop himself, think, and stop what he was doing. He just couldn’t help himself at all it seemed. He was having an identity crisis at this point.

😼🗡 When talking to each other that day, Krueger kept covering his mouth everytime he was about to say something snarky or narcissistic. He even stopped himself before he said a very, very horny comment. Jason on the other hand had to come up with really egotistical things to say, which were hilarious but cute. He would write things like, “I-I have the b-best m-mask.” or little things like that. Freddy wanted to laugh so badly, but he was unable to. It seems like torture for both parts.

Day 2

😼🗡 The next day, Jason knew what to do; he needed different clothes in order to help him concentrate. He quickly took something inside his cabin, and put it on quickly. He stared at himself for a bit, and tried other outfits. Once he found one he deemed “acceptable”, he went out of his cabin and started to act a bit more ‘stern’ to say the least. It really seemed like his soul was twisted in a way that he was completely nothing. That he was a pure void and there was nothing more.

😼🗡 On the other hand, Freddy still had a difficult time. He would cover his mouth before saying certain words, doing certain actions, etc. It came down to the point he wouldn’t speak, and he would write little notes instead. These notes were usually ‘nice’, and if someone didn’t like how it seemed he would explain what he meant. It seemed like he became a bit more shy within these set of rules. It was strange since yesterday he was completely fine, but now everything seems.. off.

😼🗡 When they went to talk, Jason spoke in barely understandable sentences. He said certain words that helped convey his message, but Krueger was confused. In the end they just wrote notes to each other, even though Voorhees still attempted to speak.

Day 3

😼🗡 At this point, Freddy felt immensely off. The dream world felt like a living hell for him, so he had to leave it quickly. He put on a jacket, and went into the woods. It was much more humble, calm, and overall a decent environment. It was very nice. What the fuck is happening to him..?

😼🗡Coincidentally, Jason wanted to leave the forest, stumbling upon Freddy and raised his voice at him. Only a few words actually came out, “LEAVE, BURNT RAT”, and that was all.

😼🗡 As Voorhees continued on his little quest for ‘freedom’, he walked into an urban environment; something he wasn’t use to. His eyes were wide like a child, and he was absolutely flabbergasted. Many people went up to him with strange looks, but no one really cared. He was like a kid in a candy store. He wanted it all, he needed it all. That was his dream; to become a dictator. Or was it really his? Was he high or smth?

Day 4

😼🗡 After yesterday, Jason rented a hotel with the little money he had, and acted like he had bank. He would attempt to add little comments in order to make people pay attention to him, and he just became someone completely different. In actuality, he just didn’t want to fail his own bet. He wanted to succeed, prevail, and show Krueger who are ally was the king.

😼🗡 On the other side of the spectrum, Krueger was more outgoing and had a blast in a more natural environment. The only problem was that it was more difficult to maintain his jokes than anything he could imagine. This really wasn’t him, but if it’s a bet he’ll play, it’s one to win a game.

😼🗡 On that particular day, they refused to chat with each other. They didn’t even want to look at each other. They were upset, stuck, and trapped in this ‘new world’.

Day 5

😼🗡 On this one day, he snapped. Someone entered the dream world that he was immensely upset about. This person was very confident, snotty, and somewhat a bitch. Everytime he tried to catch this ‘person’, he was out played by one of their tricks. It got to the point where he was the one embarrassed, and overall frustrated that he wasn’t successful. So, he finally gave up and said this, “Shut it you watered down version of Fifty Shades of Grey. Do you even know who you’re fucking messing with? I’m Freddy Krueger hun, and this place is hell on Earth for you!”

😼🗡On the flip side, Jason realized shortly that what he was doing was completely stupid. He thought about what his mother would say in this instance, and was disappointed within himself. He became what he hated most in a few short days. In the end he decided to leave his hotel room, and return to the quiet, peaceful life he once had. He laid on the grass and sighed, wondering how his rival was doing in the dream world. “Maybe he lost too? No, he probably won.” He thought to himself. He was nervous for the end result.

😼🗡When Jason entered the dream world, he was ready to admit defeat. He sat down in front of Krueger, and wrote about his failure. To his surprise, his rival actually nodded along with him. He revealed that he also lost as well. In the end the both were confused on what to do, but realize that they kind of had it hard for each other. One raise by the quiet sounds of the forest, while the other was raised in a hostile, urban environment were disaster could easily happen. It was enjoyable, but kind of self destructive. Since then they actually became acquaintances with each other.

🖤The Relationship🖤

😼🗡 Ever since then, these two were fucking chaotic. One in a dream, while the other in the sheets. (I tried to make a dirty joke but I messed up-)

😼🗡 These two would literally have non stop arguments about their favorite things. For example if Freddy brought up his favorite genre of movie, Jason would write about how his opinion is wrong, and they would just be in a huge feud. They wouldn’t fight, but they would argue non stop until someone gives up. (Jason would usually succeed when it came to these arguments since Krueger would get bored and think they’re “useless”).

😼🗡 I feel like their friendship would be like Ishimaru and Mondo; they hate but love each other. Like Freddy will be like, “Wtf it’s the walking stick 😾,” and then Jason would be like, “🥺🥺💞💞,” and then it would just be a whole other feud.

😼🗡 When it comes to affection Jason attempts to hug Freddy, but Krueger is a pain in the ass. He would immediately get him off and say a snobby comment about he “doesn’t need attention like this because he’s already perfectly fine.” In the end he’ll just submit to the physical attention. When Freddy actually wants to give Jason ‘affection’, however, he’ll say something like, “Wow walking stick, you actually look nice,” or some half assed compliment. Sometimes he’ll actually genuinely say something nice, but it’s rare since he’s not that type of person.

😼🗡 When Jason gives Krueger a compliment, he’ll just say something like, “damn right I am!” Or something narcissistic. If Jason writes something like, “you’re adorable”, Freddy will act very dramatic towards it, and kind of weak. Later on he’ll start to give him the worst nightmare of his life, apologize, and act like a prick, but he actually likes compliments like those. He just won’t admit it because he wants to act like he’s better than everyone else. He wants to appear tougher, more on edge, and a fucking god compared to the others.

😼🗡 If Voorhees flusters Krueger enough, however, Freddy will attempt to kill him. 👏👏👏

😼🗡 Sometimes they’ll give each other some dumbass gifts that are usually made to insult each other. For example Freddy gets a pot/pan, and Jason would get something like a shower cap or body wash. Just something to poke fun at each other with.

😼🗡 Later on they’ll actually start talking/venting to one another about their past, current situations, and other things. Sometimes it’ll get to the point one of them actually shows signs of feelings. Sometimes Jason will actually catch Freddy crying a bit, but he’ll make some dumb excuse. “I-I was just laugh! T-that’s all...” or “I-it’s just a power of mine! I-I can’t... feel..”

😼🗡 When it comes to Jason admitting his feelings to Krueger, he’ll actually be like a dad to him somewhat. Like he actually fucking cares about his well being. It’s kind of interesting actually.

😼🗡 Sometimes Jason will catch Krueger looking at himself with a mirror he made, and ask, “Am I really good enough?” And other things as well. He’ll even tell terrible things about himself in order to make sure he can actually feel. It just to the point he might actually cry. Once he tears up a bit, he’ll immediately throw the mirror on the ground and breakdown for a bit. It’s best not to both him in this state.

😼🗡 If Krueger is a bit harsh on himself, Jason will actually comfort him in a way. He’ll still be mad, but a bit calmer.

😼🗡 When it comes to Jason, on the other hand, he will never cry in front of Freddy in fear he’ll be made fun of. When he does cry it’s usually in his cabin, or somewhere quiet in the dreamworld. If Freddy does actually see this, he’ll actually pay him on the shoulder, lecture him about it, and just hope he’ll be a bit calmer that way. Usually he doesn’t know how to handle sad situations like this, but he attempts to in order to make people more welcome. Even though it may not actually help at all, it does benefit the situation in a way.

😼🗡 When Jason vents to Freddy, he holds him like a teddy bear in order to feel secure.

😼🗡 U h anyways....

Shit I thought of:

😼🗡 Freddy is a chaotic neutral crackhead and Jason’s a lawful good soft boy. What could possibly go wrong?

😼🗡 I feel like if Voorhees were to sing a song, Freddy would either join him or force him to shut the fuck up.

Jason would actually have a good, quiet voice that would be decent for certain songs. (Basically his voice would probably sound like certain opera voices but very soft).

Kruegers is very raspy and would mainly be good for rock songs.

And NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES introduce them to vocaloid. There is a reason for it and it would cause destruction for the w h o l e w o r l d.

😼🗡 I feel like if they were to get lost, Freddy would get them deep into an awful rabbit hole, or Jason would actually find a way out of the predicament.

😼🗡 Honestly Freddy will act as though he is the most craziest person Jason has ever met. In actuality, Jason is the most insane person he’s met. And his mother too.

😼🗡 When these two talk about music, honey you are in danger. Freddy will talk about rock from the 1960s, and bring up some other modern day songs he’s actually interested in. Jason would critic him and say classical music is the way to go. Or literally forest sounds. Depends on his mood. When it comes to this argument, they will deadass fight each other. No joke. They will literally get anything they have and start World War 3.

😼🗡 Everytime Freddy tries to say a horny joke, Jason will smack him with anything he can find in the room. Favorite one to smack him with- pots and pans.

😼🗡 I feel like this relationship is a mixture of two people who should never interact become each other’s support or something like that.

Welp, that is practically all I could think of currently. I know this was somewhat short, but honestly I can’t really think of much. Unless someone has any other good ideas, I hope you enjoyed this! And thank you so much for your request!

[side-shawty]

Ivy’s Daughter • Two

Title: Ivy’s Daughter • Two

Fandom: DC

Type: series

Prompt/Summary: Poison Ivy asks Batman to care for her daughter.

Pairing(s): (eventual) Damian Wayne x Reader (aged up), Batfamily x Reader

Requested? Yes

It took two weeks for J’onn to permanently stabilize Y/N’s mind and for Bruce to utilize everything Ivy gave him to create a compound that stabilized her growth. She would age slower than the average person but it was better than the accelerated growth rate she had to begin with.

He also tried to acquaint her as much as he could with society and its norms. His kids would take care of whatever he missed. Or at least he hoped so.

In this time you were staying in a room at the League HQ. The very first time you opened your eyes the first thing you were met with was a ceiling full of stars against the darkness of space.

Every inch of you was filled with shock and surprise but you stood quickly and almost knocked over the IV as it was ripped from your arm with the movement.

You called for your mother, and when no answer found your ears you began to panic. You attempted to open the doors, the first was a bathroom and the second one was certainly the exit because it had been sealed shut.

“Let me out!” You screamed and waited. No answer again.

You looked around the room for something that could help you get the door open but the room was bare save for your bed, a nightstand with a bamboo plant, and two plastic chairs against the wall under a window.

Your breathing was heavy and ragged as you dragged yourself to the said window and looked out of it. You were slowly floating through space and the Earth was shining back at you with it’s beautiful blue and green.

You were terrified but for some reason, the view made your breathing slow and you took deep breaths.

Panicking now would do nothing, you had to think of a plan. As you were racking your brain for ideas there was a soft hiss as the door slid open.

Your head quickly whipped around to eye the figures standing in the doorway. An uncowled Batman and Superman were both looking to you with sympathy clouding their eyes.

“Hello, Y/N,” Batman said, “My name is —“

“Bruce Wayne,” you cut him off, “My mother told me about you. She said I could trust you. Where is she?” You asked.

“In hiding,” Bruce said stepping closer with his hands raised in front of him. You didn’t of him as a threat but appreciated the gesture.

“Why?” You asked.

“In order to keep you safe, she had to do some things she’s not proud of. There are some bad people after her now, so she left you in my care,” Bruce told you, now only a few steps away. He put his hands at his side.

“No,” you said, “bring me back. I want to be with my mother.”

“I don’t know where she is,” He said.

The anger that flared in your eyes made Superman shift on his feet at his place in front of the closed door.

Before you got the chance to speak again Bruce continued, “I spoke to her before she left. She wanted me to tell you that she loves you very much but this is the only way to keep you safe.”

“Throwing me into outer space? I would have been better off at home, I can take care of myself,” you said, crossing your arms.

As if the universe had been personally involved in this conversation the station rocked and you lost your footing, Bruce caught you before you could hit the ground.

After releasing you, he looked to Superman and sighed, “Jason is here with Bizzaro. Make sure they don’t break anything else, please.”

Superman looked wary before nodding his head and exiting the room.

“Jason? As in your son—Red Hood?” You asked. Batman’s eyes went wide for a millisecond before he recovered.

“Yes. You’ll be meeting him when we go home.”

“And when will that be?”

“Tonight.”

———

You were given a pair of black jeans, boots, and a long-sleeved t-shirt to change into when Bruce told you it was time to go. It was the last thing you wanted, so you devised a plan, you would stay for a few days, maybe a week and then you’d slip away and find your mother. It wasn’t at all fool-proof but it was a start.

On the walk to the zeta tube, Bruce had told you that this was your home and you wouldn’t feel like a prisoner, but there were still rules.

When the flash of teleportation faded from your vision you were faced with the intricate, oddly welcoming Bat Cave. In your opinion it was stunning, but you didn’t get much time to fully explore it or take it in as Bruce led you towards computers and the people standing amongst them.

Three boys were standing with an older man and a young woman, once you and Bruce reached them you decided to let someone else speak first.

“Y/N these are my children,” Bruce began, “well some of them. Dick, Tim, Cassandra, and Damian. And this,” he gestured to the older man, “is Alfred. He’s one of the reasons things continue to run around here. You’ll meet the other later.” He told you smiling to himself at an inside joke.

“This is Y/N Isley. She’ll be staying with us.” Bruce said and you waited for more but it never came.

Dick was the first to move forward, “Nice to meet you Y/N,” he stared, holding out his hand. You shook it. “What Bruce failed to mention was that I am also the oldest and his favorite,” He said with a smile before his phone chimed. He removed it from his pocket to check.

“I am also late for a date, but welcome and I’ll see you around,” Dick told you with a wink before heading towards a staircase and disappearing.

“While he might be the oldest, I’m the brains of this operation,” Tim said before also shaking your hand.

“You’re still as delusional as ever Drake,” Damian said, and once you looked to him he was the only thing that holds your attention as the two of them began to bicker.

He looked like Bruce, but not really. His eyes were a different shade of blue, almost green…almost. As you continued to stare, Cassandra walked up to you.

“I’m Cass,” she said, her voice was soft and sweet as she bowed her head ever so slightly instead of shaking your hand.

“Hi,” you replied, realizing it was the first thing you had said since coming into the cave.

“Let’s get cookies,” she said to you and linked her arm with your own before bringing you up the same stairs Dick went up. Alfred followed closely behind and Bruce sought to stop his sons from arguing.

———

You liked Cass. She was a woman of few words but they got her point across every time. Afterward, she had given you a quick tour of the main living areas before she had to leave for patrol.

When she left you decided to wander a bit more on your own. The manor was even more extraordinary than you could have imagined. You found yourself gravitating towards the library.

While you were in your cryo-chamber your mother had taken to reading to you. She was never sure if you could hear or not but you remember. It was always peaceful when she read to you.

You felt a pang in your heart as you stepped inside and began running your hands along the spines of the books. You stopped on one with a green cover when the door to the library opened and closed.

Your eyes met Damian’s when you turned to him. His face was tight and uninviting as he watched you continue to read the spines.

After a few more moments he finally spoke.

“You don’t belong here,” he said, his voice was emotionless and uninviting. You sighed and finally turned to him, crossing your arms.

Damian was only a few feet from the door but was slowly inching closer to you.

“I don’t belong anywhere,” You said to him, and his features flickered briefly, he clearly wasn’t expecting that answer.

“So why not try to leave?” Damian asked, he finally stopped an arm's length away.

“I haven’t got anywhere to go. Not yet anyway,” You told him, tugging at a red curl and wrapping it around your finger.

“Well, your mother was a criminal with connections. So the faster you find one, the faster you leave.” He said, crossing his arms.

It was hard not to look at Damian’s arms in the fitted black t-shirt. He saw your gaze shift for a second and gave the faintest of smirks.

“This house is a fortress. I step a toe off the property and your father would drag me back,” You released your curl and turned back to the books on the shelf.

“Tt, if you were half the mastermind your mother was you could, and will, be out by morning,” He said before turning on his heel and leaving.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #364

“you wanna know what zeus said to narcissus?  /  ‘you’d better watch yourself’“

Do you change your type of music regularly? Nah. I've ben all about metal and rock since middle school. Would you want to visit Tokyo, Japan, someday? It's not actually on my bucket list or anything, but I'd do it. Do you curse like a sailor? Sailors are better than I am, aha... Do you hear trains pass by where you live? No. Ever been in a race? Haha, no. Last time you’ve eaten a taco? I hate tacos. Do you like horses? Sure do! Do you like Starburst? omg YES. What is your favourite wild animal? MEERKATS!!!!!! :') Do you like hamsters? They're very cute, but I've never met a nice one. Do you eat bananas? Yeah, I like bananas, but I'm VERY picky with how ripe it is. There's like, barely a two-day span where I'm willing to eat them. What is your favourite bookstore? I don't have one. What is your favorite fast food joint? Sonic. Do you sweat easily? Ugh, you haven't the slightest idea. As a side effect of one (or two?) of my prescriptions, I have I N S A N E hyperhidrosis. I can stand outside for a millisecond in like 70 degree weather and I'm already sweating. If you could move (and SERIOUSLY think about this) where would you move? All factors considered, being entirely realistic, the mountain-y region of western NC. Why would you go there? I want to stay in NC to at least not be a massive ways away from my family, and I loooove mountains. Plus, there's a lot of cool places on the other end of the state. Do you want to travel? Yes. I want to see so much more than this boring 'ole state. What was the last vaccination you got? For Covid. Have there ever been any forest or grass fires in your area? There have been wildfires towards the beach, I believe? Any time it happened we would always get the smoke all the way where we live. Are you Italian? Not to my knowledge. Do you own an acoustic guitar? No. What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? My physical health. When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation? Recently. Can you roll your own cigarettes? I've never smoked, so. Are you mentally strong? I think so. I hope so. Are you physically strong? I am like, comically weak. Are you heartbroken right now? No. Do you ever get complimented on your eyes? What color are they? It's happened, but it's definitely not a regular thing or whatever. They're grayish blue. What facial feature do you like the best on a person? I'd say I'm most attracted to pretty eyes. What is the weirdest animal you’ve ever held? I helped hold a massive snake as a kid (I don't remember what it was), and I've also held a rose hair tarantula. I can't think of any truly strange animals by my opinion, really. Do you get extremely hyper when under the influence of sugar? No. Sugar seems to have zero effect on me, probably because I'm over-exposed to it thanks to soda... What about caffeine? Not at all, likely for the aforementioned reason. Have you ever tried any drugs? If so, did you regret it? Besides alcohol, no. I don't regret having drank as it was never a lot. Do you have any pregnant friends? A high school acquaintance is pregnant. I THINK she's the only one now? I swear I see a new pregnancy announcement on Facebook like every two days, and mind you I don't even have all that many "friends." That being said, I may definitely be forgetting someone. When ordering food, what do you usually get as a drink? Depending on whether they have Pepsi or Coke products, either Mountain Dew or Coke. When drawing something, do you try to be super precise or do you not care? I am so, so, SO obsessive over getting everything right, but things never come out as good as I want them to/imagine them. Have you actually read Twilight? I haven't. What about Harry Potter? Never read any of those, either. I started one in elementary school, but didn't get very far at all. Out of the two, which is better? I have like no interest in either, so. How often do you read books? It various. I go through like reading episodes, and then I don't read for months. Are you the jealous type? I'm not like, an insanely jealous person, but it's still the worst it's ever been at this point in my life. I hate it. Are you the type of person who gets jealous of people’s pasts? Nah, no reason to. Do you know anyone who faints at the sight of blood? Not blood, I think, but needles and drawing blood, yes. I know my dad's fainted at least once at the doctor, and Jason fainted when I was getting blood drawn at the ER. What colors are the eyes of your family members? Just about everyone has brown eyes but me, I think my maternal grandpa, and my brother. Are you related to anyone with red hair? Not to my knowledge. Were you a chubby baby? No, I was pretty average. What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Social situations with strangers especially. Asking for things. Public speaking/presenting. What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? God, I remember there was this one night in particular where I stayed up SO late, but I don't remember the exact time. I think I actually cried because I was so stressed and tired. How many vegetarians do you know? In my personal life, I don't believe I know any, but I could be wrong. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? I never did, even though I was always tired. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? No. Favorite episode of Spongebob? The pizza one, probably. Or the Hash Slinging Slasher episode. What bug frightens you most? Wasps, probably. Are your parents supportive of you? Yes. <3 How often do you take the train to go places? I've never been on a train. Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? No. Do you own a pocketknife, or any other kind of multi-tool? No. What was the last thing you took a video of? Hm... I honestly don't remember. What’s something that used to really stress you out, but doesn’t anymore? Thunderstorms. Have you ever had famous neighbors? No. Pick your three favourite vegetables. Broccoli, green beans, and uh... I'm blanking... Habitually I wanna say "corn," but I know it's not technically a veggie, but starch. Have you ever broken a movie or game disc? I think I have? What is your favourite type of cookie? Chocolate chip. Can you rap freestyle? Or at least sing raps from songs? Ha, no. Have you ever shared a house with a significant other? Yeah. Do you scream at scary parts in a horror flick? No. I might jump a bit, but not always. What do you spend most of your time doing? Watching YouTube. Do you really care what’s going on in celebrities' lives? More like the YouTubers I watch. Have you ever broken a plate/bowl? Accidentally by dropping them. When was the last time you felt like you didn’t have a care in the world? I couldn't begin to guess. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Can you do a backwards london bridges? God no, I'd bust my back. What smiley do you use the most on the computer? (: maybe. Or :') Are any of your pets “overweight”? No, but why is "overweight" in quotations as if overweight pets aren't a real and serious issue? Has anyone ever bought you a ring? Yeah. On a scale 1-10, how funny are you? I honestly don't think I'm funny at all, so I'd put myself at a 1. Pretty recently though it was very surprising and flattering to have my dad and older sister point out that I'm "hilarious" with my wry sense of humor. I don't see it, but I mean, it was surely appreciated. What’s a song that is overplayed but you still like it anyway? I barely ever listen to the radio, yet I still know "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen is played a lot, but I could never get tired of it. Are you excited for Christmas? Christmastime is my favorite time of year nowadays, mainly because of how excited my niece and nephew always are, and we spend most of Christmas Day and usually Christmas Eve with them. I love the weather, the focus on togetherness, all that. What are you thankful for? Man, a lot. I try my best to never overlook all the truly amazing things I do have, like a loving and supportive family, a home, food and safe water, Internet haha, access to medical care (regardless of the complaints I have about American healthcare)... I've got a lot of bad going on in my life, but I've also got a great amount of good things, too. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on? Internet. What’s your favorite color combination? Maaan, don't do this. I really don't know. Probably two pastels, idk. Do you have any internet friends? I have more Internet friends than I do "real life" ones. What was the last song you listened to? "Deep Six" by Marilyn Manson earlier. How are you feeling right now? My arm is really sore from my second Covid shot, and I'm also having trouble breathing thanks to the dog (apparently, I'm allergic to whatever she is). I know it sounds bad, but I cannot wait 'til she's gone (from this house, no we're of course not euthanizing her). What color is the shirt you’re wearing? Burgundy. Do you play video games? Yeah, just not as much as I used to. Have you ever been to a club and had someone slip something into your drink? I've never been to a club period, and I don't plan on it. Do you know anyone who’s done ecstasy? Not to my knowledge, anyway. Are you on birth control? Yes, but only to regulate and soothe my menstrual cycle. My cramps were insufferable prior. Does your sibling have a significant other? All but my younger sister. Like she's in contact with who she calls "contenders," haha, but she isn't officially dating anyone. She's MEGA picky with who she dates. Have you ever cried at a real wedding? Yes, because it was very triggering to my PTSD. Any idea what you want for your next birthday? That's quiiite a whiles away, so I have plenty of time to think about that. I don't know if I'll be employed by then and thus able to buy some things myself, but I'll just say I won't be (because I'm I think rationally fearful that's where I'll still be). For Christmas I plan on just asking for a new terrarium for Venus plus better materials for it (like a proper temp gauge and hygrometer, etc.), and with that taken care of, then I might be interested in asking for a hognose for my bday, but idk. I'd want to ensure (s)he starts out with a perfect terrarium, and seeing as I want a hoggie morph, that's a lot of money in one go that idk if I'd be comfortable asking. So I'unno, maybe I'll go for a tattoo again. Wow, this was a lot of rambling for something so far off, pardon me haha. Are there any gadgets of yours that need charging right now? My Nintendo DS Lite, actually. I can't find the darn charger for it, and I really need to so I can bring it to Ashley's again for the kids to play the Pokemon game I have that they love. Aubree especially is really into it, and she adores Pikachu and Eevee. :') Which awards show would you wanna go to the most (e.g Oscars, Grammys etc.)? I don't even know what most award shows are for, if I'm being honest. I'm not really interested. What colour is your keyboard? Black, but each key glows red. Have you ever been called a skank/slut because of the way you dress? No. Are you a fan of acrylic nails? Not for myself; I think they'd drive me insane. I do, however, think they look nice on others.

[cdelphiki]

Life With The Kents AU: Tim’s Life, pt 1, rough draft.

Someone asked me to write Tim and Bruce making up, and I told them no because it would be too long, then promptly wrote the first 2k words of that fic. Enjoy! 

The first thing Tim did was change his name. 

He’d always kind of hated himself, anyway, for changing it to Tim Wayne, back when Bruce adopted him.  It had been the reason for one of his breakdowns, after all.  Tim Wayne. 

Just sounded wrong.

His lawyer had looked more than mildly alarmed, when Tim met with him the following Monday.  The bruise on his face had fully blossomed by then, having two days to do so.  Deep purple right at the jawline, right where Bruce’s knuckle had hit, softening out to lighter purple and greens, the further away from the center one looked.  

It was clearly a fist print, too. 

And it took up a good fourth of his face.  

“Mr. Drake,” his lawyer, Esteban, had said, “if- if Mr. Wayne…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Tim had said.  He had purposely not covered the bruise in anticipation of this meeting.  He knew what image it would broadcast.  And he didn’t care.  It would help his case, make his lawyer more sympathetic, mean there was no argument over the decision.  Removing ‘Wayne’ from your name in Gotham, after all, was not something anyone had ever done.  

Wayne was a powerful name.  Even more powerful when Bruce Wayne himself had given it to you. 

But Tim was done with Bruce Wayne.  He was ready to just be Tim Drake.  

Tim Drake.  Robin.  A member of Young Justice.

Maybe he should think about his superhero name, now.  Disconnect himself completely from Batman.  

“We can press charges,” Esteban said, after taking a breath and putting his best ‘lawyer face’ on, “if that is why, we should press charges. He still has another kid at home.”

“You’ve signed a NDA,” Tim reminded him, “just get my name changed.”

“Which doesn’t apply to child abuse,” Esteban said, “Which you knew.”

Tim did know that.  He also didn’t care if his lawyer reported it.  Damian didn’t need to be living with Bruce, anyway.  And Bruce deserved whatever scrutiny such a report would bring down on him.  Tim almost didn’t even care if it exposed Batman.

That ‘almost’ was the only thing keeping him from reporting it himself, to get Damian out of there.

“Yeah, well, I’m not a child.  And Bruce didn’t do this.  So relax.”

Damian could take care of himself, Tim was sure.  He lived with the Teen Titans half the time, anyway.  Plus the Kents adored him.  They’d watch out for him.

In fact.  If Tim told Kon, he was fairly certain Kon would tell Clark, who would deal with Bruce himself. 

Which, that was the perfect plan.  

That’s what he’d do.  

“Then who did it, Tim?”

Smiling his ‘Tim Wayne’ smile, Tim just said, “Timothy Jackson Drake is what I want my legal name to be.” 

- - - 

Weeks passed. 

No one seemed to understand why Tim left.

‘That’s just how Bruce is,’ Babs had said.

‘He was upset,’ Helena explained. 

‘Dude lost everything,’ Duke reasoned. 

‘Master Tim,  you must understand-’ Alfred had started, but Tim hung up on him.

Tim didn’t bother to ask Damian his opinion.  

No one understood, and Tim was done trying to explain it to them.

If he could go the rest of his life without thinking about it or Bruce again, he’d live a happy life.  

He didn’t need any of them, anyway.

- - - 

But someone told Jason.

Tim wasn’t sure who, but someone told Jason.  It was obvious, by the mere fact that Jason Todd was in his apartment, in the dark, waiting for Tim to get home.

It had been almost a month. 

He’d cut himself off from the family cleanly.  

And he and Jason might not have had a bad relationship.  They just hadn’t been much more than friendly acquaintances. 

“Welcome to the club, kid,” Jason said, not even looking up when Tim cut the light on to reveal Jason sitting sideways in the armchair, one leg slung up over the side, as he read something on his kindle. One of the ones that lit up.

Tim didn’t really like kindles.  He wasn’t a huge fan of reading, in general, but he definitely didn’t like kindles.  Tim would have never guessed that Jason, being a book nerd, used a kindle.  He kind of seemed like the kind of dork who would prefer to smell the books, or something.  While reading.

“Go away,” Tim said flatly, as he dropped his bag down on the ground and went to fix himself something to eat.  He’d been away on a mission with his team for the last week.  All he wanted to do was eat a bowl of something. Soup, probably. Lay on the couch and eat it while he watched something light and funny, then fall asleep.  Possibly right there on the couch.  

Talking to Jason was not any of those things.  

“Heard you cut ties to Bat completely,” Jason said, “Gotta say. I’m impressed.”

Tim rolled his eyes as he looked through the various cans of soup he had in the cupboard, before he picked a hardy chicken and rice thing.  “Don’t care. Go away.”

“Bat’s pissed, of course,” Jason said, as if Tim hadn’t said anything, “it’s kind of great.”

He watched his bowl spin in the microwave, while trying to blow Jason up with sheer willpower.  Maybe if he thought hard enough, he’d discover latent super power abilities and make Jason disappear.  

It could happen. 

“But what I don’t get is: What did you do?”

“What did I do?” Tim echoed, spinning to stare at Jason, “What the fuck do you mean, what did I do?”

“To piss him off.”  

“Does it matter?” 

“Well, sure.  You always seemed like a goody-goody to me.  Daddy’s perfect little solider.  What could you possibly do to-”

“I didn’t do anything,” Tim shouted, “Just like you didn’t do anything, and Dick didn’t do anything to deserve it.  No one-”

“Let’s be fair here, Timbo.  I tried to kill a dude.” 

“So?” Tim asked, shaking his head, “Why does that make it okay for your literal Dad to attack you?”

Jason opened his mouth, but then just blinked at Tim. 

“He- He-” Tim said, absolutely flabbergasted by Jason’s apparent… acceptance? Of all this?  Out of all the people in the world, Tim thought Jason would understand.  

Abuse was abuse.  It was wrong.  Regardless of what the victim did.

“I didn’t do anything,” he said, as his hand started to shake.  He stepped forward and gripped onto one of the bar stools at his island, and kept going, “And that’s what no one seems to get.”

And Bruce had… Bruce had abused him. Hadn’t he?

That’s what this was. It wasn’t just an attack. It wasn’t just….and… he’d done it to Jason before him.  And Dick before that.  

“Parents are supposed to- Dads are supposed to- supposed to love their kids,” Tim said, his voice quieting with each word, as his focus slipped from Jason, to off in the distance.  

Bruce was their dad.  And he was abusive.  

“Tim.” 

“I was just telling him I cared,” Tim snapped, angry Jason was making him feel things when all he wanted was some soup and an episode of The Simpsons.  Or, maybe something like Futurama would be better.  “And he just- he just…”

“Tim.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Tim whispered, needing to let go of the bar stool to wipe at his eyes.

Jason slowly got up and came to the counter, then sat down on the other side of the island.  Sat his hands on the counter, then splayed out his fingers while he stared at them.

Eventually, long after the microwave had beeped, and Tim had ignored it in favor of staring at Jason’s hands, too, while he tried to keep his vision from blurring any further, Jason said, “Sorry, kid.”  

“It was wrong,” Tim said numbly, and Jason just nodded, “it was wrong when he did it to you, too.”

At that, Jason scrubbed at his own eye, just briefly, before he seemed to realize he was doing it and put his hand back down on the counter.  “It’s whatever,” he said, so nonchalantly that Tim realized Jason was a much better actor than he’d ever realized.  

“He’s our dad,” Tim whispered.

“Yeah.”

“That’s not how Dads are supposed to be.”  

- - - 

After that, he and Jason started hanging out.  Once a week or so.  Sometimes every other week, if one of them were off on a mission.

Jason was doing something in Gotham.  But Tim couldn’t bring himself to care.  Not even when he visited Jason at the Iceberg Lounge and realized that the Penguin was most definitely being held captive behind the fish tank in his office.  

Tim had nothing to do with Gotham anymore.  

And since Jason hadn’t said a word to him about any of it, Tim could just pretend he didn’t know. 

Besides, it’s not like Jason was killing.  

So he didn’t care.

It was nice, after all.  Having a big brother again.  

Clark had kidnapped Damian, it seemed.  

Well, Tim was pretty sure Bruce had allowed it to happen.  Clark probably threatened to expose Bruce, or something.  And took Damian home with him.  

But that was good.  It meant Tim didn’t have to intervene with Damian on a more personal level.  He was safe, and probably much better off with the Kents, anyway.  

He’d heard from Kon that they had bought Damian a bed and everything, suggesting that it was, perhaps, a rather permanent arrangement.  

Tim wouldn’t be surprised if they bought a bigger apartment by the end of the year, either.  

Sharing a room with Damian was probably pretty difficult. 

“You talked to the demon recently?” Jason asked from Tim’s couch, where he was hogging the entire damn thing so he could lay back and toss one of Tim’s coaster’s up into the air over and over.  

“No,” Tim admitted.  He felt kind of bad about it, but it wasn’t like it was his fault.  “I texted him a couple times, he told me to ‘fuck off’ in Damian speak.”  

Jason frowned as the caught the coaster, then looked over at Tim.  “How much you want to bet Bruce is taking his anger at Clark and everything out on Damian, and like, not talking to him at all?”

“Well, you know…I hate to say it, but good.” 

With that, Jason missed the coaster, and it smacked him right in the face.  He scowled and sat up, saying, “Tim…”

“He’s better without Bruce.”

“Damian won’t feel that way.”

“Don’t care,” Tim hummed, grabbing the remote to put something on.  To end this conversation. “It’s the truth. He’ll get over it.”

Tim felt bad, though.  Not reaching out better. Not making himself present in Damian’s life. The way the ‘family’ had split over this whole ordeal was disgusting, in his opinion.  Basically him and Jason vs everyone else, and then Damian off in his own world, protected by the Kents. Where no one wanted to interfere.  

It was like everyone had abandoned him. After he’d already lost Dick. 

But Damian hated Tim. So why would Tim reaching out now do any good?

“He’s just a kid, though.”  

- - - 

[cosmicheromp3]

Hi, I’m kinda new to the fandom, and I wanted to read more about dick Grayson and the batfamily. Do you think you could recommend some comics I should start with?

hi, of course! i actually have a comic recs blog @whatthefuckisacomic, where there’s a batfam tag and a dick grayson tag that you can browse, plus a page dedicated to tips for starting out with comics. the batfam is a bit hard to rec for because quality can vary drastically from comic to comic, and it’s hard to go “you might have to read this because the event is important to understand what’s going on, but it’s a pain because the writer sucks”. for a starting point i’ll try to stay away from those, though.

under the read more i more or less ended up following a timeline for dick, but i tried to give you options in case something isn’t up your alley and you want to move on to something else. i hope it’s still easy to follow, and don’t hesitate to ask me any follow up questions! these are all gonna be pre-reboot recommendations, because dick’s characterization was very watered down with the n52 and i frankly prefer to just stick with stuff from before.

let’s get into it!

a good starting point for dick, because it’s easy to read and quite beginner friendly, would be robin: year one – i don’t like chuck dixon’s writing in general, but this is one of the exceptions where i would recommend it. an enjoyable origin story you can also read is batman: year three, published in batman #436-439, which mixes present time events (set after jason todd’s death) with flashbacks to dick’s origin. it’s not necessary to read batman: year one and year two before to understand what’s happening in year three, but they’re important batman stories, so if you’re interested in bruce i’d encourage you to read those too.

while we’re still on origin stories, if you want a comic that goes straight to the facts, thoroughly but superficially, and is quite useful to get a good idea for how dick became robin, formed the teen titans, then became nightwing, you can check out secret origins (1986) #13. just keep in mind that it details the pre-crisis version of events, so some of it has been retconned and it might conflict with other stuff you’ve read, or will read.

personally, i find that dick’s most enjoyable stories happen when he’s with the titans, so i strongly encourage you to check out the new teen titans, if you don’t mind older comics style.

as for dick becoming nightwing, you should read the original story where it happened, which would be the judas contract, an arc published in tales of the teen titans (it’s collected as a tpb for easier reading). marv wolfman recently wrote a story set during this time in the robin 80th anniversary special and it has great dick and bruce characterization imo. i don’t recommend reading the whole special if you’re not familiar with the robins already because there’s a lot of callbacks to other comics, but after you’ve read the judas contract you can check out wolfman’s story at least. again, these follow pre-crisis continuity, but they’re very much worth it.

then there’s the nightwing (1996) solo which is... a mess, mostly. tomasi’s run (collected under nightwing: freefall and nightwing: the great leap) is usually regarded as the best from that comic. other than that this solo can be mostly boring or plain bad at times. i read all 153 issues of it (it was one of my first batfam comics i read), and i’ll say that while it could be a drag it was useful in that following a comic going from 1996 to 2009 helped me find some important events in batman history when it crossed over – same can be said for the robin (1993) solo. i’d only tell you to check it out if you have a lot of time in your hands and very low standards, but please don’t start there. i’m only saying this cause it was useful for me when i was in a moment when i wanted to read everything. if that doesn’t apply to you, better to stay away.

that tangent out of the way, let’s go back to comics i do recommend lmao. nightwing: old friends, new enemies is a good one where he teams up with roy harper. another one to go with my dickroy agenda is outsiders (2003), but before you read that you need to read titans/young justice: graduation day to understand the context under which the outsiders are formed. dick’s characterization during outsiders is very particular because it’s set at a low point in his life after he’s lost donna troy; he might seem different than in other comics, but it’s very important to understand him as a character.

lastly, dick had a pretty solid stint as batman after bruce “died” – i always say that while being batman wasn’t good for dick, dick was good as batman. for this period in his life, you have batman: long shadows, then batman: the black mirror. for more batfam interactions during this time, you can read gates of gotham, and for his relationship with damian there’s batman & robin (2009).

these should give you a good idea of some important things in his character’s history. just as a reassurance: don’t be intimidated by the amount – he’s a very old character so it’s only natural there’s a lot –, and any of these you could probably enjoy without having read everything before (except i wouldn’t recommend you start with a comic like outsiders without being acquainted with his character first, since it has very specific characterization).

as for more general batfam comics, i know a lot of people point to gotham knights for that, but i personally haven’t read it so i can’t speak for it. and i can’t make this post without recommending batgirl (2000), because it’s just great. you might also want to read jason’s death (a death in the family) and tim’s subsequent introduction (a lonely place for dying) just because they’re so often referenced, and i could go on with other important events... but there’s so many i’d rather tell you to follow another character’s reading list, than read important comics without context for the sake of reading them. this is where i plug in my sideblog again; if there’s any other batfam characters you’re interested in reading more about, you can find them listed in the tags page.

as a final note i feel like it’s my duty to encourage you to branch out to comics other than the batfam, which is what people new in the fandom tend to read the most just because it’s the most popular. i still love them and i still read their comics but there’s a lot of good comics for other characters, a lot of them better than many batfam comics since, like i said, they can be a gamble as to their quality. sometimes there’s dynamics that the fandom demands for batfam comics that can actually be found in canon for other dc families.

if you want to branch out but you’re unsure about jumping straight into another family with zero knowledge, i recommend reading team comics that include batfam members and using those to get to know more characters. i actually recommend doing that even if you’re not trying to branch out yet – reading about batfam characters outside of the gotham context, which can be very isolationist, usually adds a different dimension to them and you’ll find interesting takes on these same characters. for example, some of my favourite characterization for tim happens in young justice (1999) – another very fun beginner friendly comic i recommend –, and i enjoy bruce more when he’s with the justice league or alongside superman than i do in his solo comics.

and that’s it! don’t hesitate to ask me or DM me for anything else, and just remember that recommendations are very subjective. when reading comics what usually happens, to me at least, is that you pick something up, maybe leave it for a while, check out something else, come back to the first thing, and so on. while following a list or something you might find a different character that you enjoy and want to know more about, you might see an event that catches your interest, realize you like a writer and want to check out their stuff, and in my opinion allowing yourself to follow what you like is the most effective way to make reading comics an actually enjoyable experience.

i made it into a list in case you don’t want to read through my ramblings every time, ordered a bit better:

robin: year one

batman: year three

optional before: batman year one, batman year two

secret origins (1986) #13

the new teen titans

the judas contract

nightwing: old friends, new enemies

outsiders (2003)

for context read titans/young justice: graduation day

nightwing: freefall

nightwing: the great leap

batman: long shadows

batman & robin (2009)

batman: the black mirror

gates of gotham

not dick specific

batgirl (2000) - for cass

young justice (1999) - for tim

good luck!

[girlobsessed21]

The 100 Season 6 Trailer Analysis

I knew I was in for a ride when the trailer opened with this:

And I have to hand it to Jason, it is brilliant.

Okay, so the first thing we get is Monty’s words we’ve all heard and shed a tear to at the end of season 5 - “I hope we do better there, I hope Jasper was wrong and that we’re not the problem... Be the good guys.”

The first glimpse of the new season reveals who will be woken up first. No surprises there. And the door opening is a callback to the pilot when the dropship door unfolded on awed faces.

Book II: According to Jason’s interviews, the change here is supposed to be the gang living by Monty’s mantra. Does it look like they are? Absolutely not but more on this later.

“Yes Monty, it is beautiful.” Mountains encompassing crystal waters, images of dreams, gleaming between two suns. Lit blue skies, patched with white. Absolutely stunning.

Kane is alive. Yay! But his health does still seem questionable. That recovery was rather rapid though. I assume this scene is quite early on since they are still on the ship. Well, 125 years is a long time, did he heal during cryo? It is odd, but surely not impossible. Kabby appears to be happy, are all their problems something of the past then due to Kane’s new peace craving philosophy?

On to the radio calls. I’m utterly pleased that this was not swept under the rug. This image is just another one of Bellarke’s soul-touching glances even from afar.

Bellamy is headed somewhere away from the new civilization. I cannot quite make out with whom. Clarke is staring down at a pixel of her “platonic soulmate”, while he is clearly not comfortable with leaving her behind. His face says it all - Be safe. I wish you could come with me. You broke my heart when you left me to die. We know from what Eliza said at Conageddon that they have a good talk. I  would think this chat needs to take place early in the season for them to revive their friendship and partnership. Nothing in the trailer suggests romance, but JR would never spoil something that paramount. Since Bellamy and Echo are still a couple, I only have a shard of hope for romantic Bellarke.

Mosaic-ish sliding doors unveils Clarke in a bright summer dress. Finally some normal outfits, something to look forward to. And then it cuts to Raven bellowing about Clarke’s actions in season 5. Dramatic Sigh. Cut the poor woman some slack, she has saved your lives time and time again. It wasn’t unexpected, Jason hinted at this, just unnecessary in my opinion. I do not agree with Clarke’s actions, but I have empathy, she was only trying to save her child, the only family she had known for six years.

Octavia vs Bloodreina. The Blooreina persona was one of my favorite concepts of season 5. I loved Marie’s portrayal, her batshit craziness and everything that went with it. So, the journey from Bloodreina back to Octavia is one I cannot wait to witness. “Am I a monster? Yes, I am.” The first step in the healing process - Admission.

I cannot quite make out who she is fighting in the scene, I’ve tried all angles, but the person in question is blurred. Perhaps Echo, we do know Octavia is far from pleased with her new sister-in-law. At least we get to see a cutthroat Octavia in action who never ceases to amaze.

“Say I’m your sister?”

“My sister died a long time ago.”

Wow, that blow to the nose must have stung more than being thrown against the railing. I don’t blame Bellamy, she did inflict some unforgivable horrors onto Wonkru and a whole list of others. From what I derive, the Blakes will not find peace anytime soon, but I’m positive they will eventually.

“Salvation comes from faith and good works.” I would like to think Clarke might take these words to heart, sincerely trying to be a good guy. It can also mean some foreshadowing. Reverting back to the scene with Clarke in the dress, the building and surrounding characters emanate a temple-like vibe. Are these people perhaps feigning righteousness when they are in fact monsters?

That island in the shape of a wolf’s head may be stunning, but it gives me the creeps. And just to lure you away from any doubts you may have, a bunch of giggling little kids warms your heart. “Aaaah, these are good people.” This whole place reminisces the fourth The100 novel and Mount Weather. A rat stench flutters by every so often.

I can’t fault the castle though. The place is jaw-droppingly awesome. Don’t know if it’s just me, but it reminds me of the Disney Castle, layers of glory in vivacious colors. I’m expecting Tinkerbell to appear and cover it in pixie dust at any moment.

Those friendly and welcoming smiles, they are the same Presidents Snow and Coin wore on the Hunger Games - Rat Stench. Clarke Griffin in a nightgown - Yes! I love that. A prom or party, just the kind of calm I need before a storm. Oh and feel free to throw Bellamy Blake in the mix with a tux. I don’t think that’s happening though.

So here’s my theory: Once they find the inhabitants, Clarke stays behind to get acquainted with them, while Bellamy and the others return to the ship to wake the rest of their people. This stems from the fact that we only see Clarke living with them. Dancing in colorful sleepwear surrounded by art. I know this won’t last on The100, but seeing Clarke in these sweet in-between moments turns on an automatic smile switch.

Completely unlike Clarke Griffin, she decides to trust them, because she will try to live up to Monty’s expectations.

Right before everything is blown to ashes we get a glimpse of some happy couples. Raven and Shaw (Sorry I can’t be too enthusiastic about this one, I will always root for Murven, but if they’re happy, I’m happy.), Miller and Jackson (Don’t think there’s much that can separate them) and Jordan with a girl is definitely something to look forward to.

The Eclipse Induced Psychosis is slightly mind-boggling. Eliza said this season was the biggest acting challenge of her career, leading me to believe she would be facing her demons in some mind-altering way. The trailer tells a whole different story. I’m getting some 1x09 Day Trip x evil squared feels here.

Bellamy’s new peaceful visage crumbles. Bob said that Bellamy will regress to his season 1 self and I’m assuming the eclipse is to blame. Don’t hate me - I loved season 1 bad boy Bellamy to bits. So the visions aren’t real, obviously, but those that have a dark past, experience this episode in high definition.

Miller followed Octavia into a preventable war.

Echo was a cold, heartless spy and murderer.

Bellamy has a whole list of devils lurking behind him: His sister, his mother, Lincoln, Mount Weather, 300 innocent grounders, leaving Clarke behind in Praimfaya.

Murphy: His parents, Charlotte, Finn, hanging Bellamy up to die.

Octavia - Need I say more? That fight scene with herself is genius.

Clarke - There is one small scene where she says, “Shut up” but other than that, I don’t see her going through it. Does nightblood prevent it?

Is it crazy to think this civilization uses the Eclipse to manipulate people? It’s clear they don't trust them - they label them as dangerous. Murphy shooting at Bellamy and Clarke strengthens this idea. These episodes seem powerful enough to impose harm to those you love.

When Madi wakes up in a hospital bed, my mind immediately went towards: They try to remove the flame.

Bellamy’s words, “It’s time to run away,” tells me he resolves that there is a snake in the grass, hence the actual snake. Clarke might be hesitant if she had started trusting them and when Bellamy and the others flee, she stays behind.

The new girl (don’t know her name) tells Clarke about the dangers of the planet, causing her and the girl to hop on motorcycles to warn and save them. But the dangers lurking in the woods are much worse than the civilized inhabitants. Then, instead of running they return and start another civil war.

I have to be honest it does not seem that much different from previous seasons. There still are no good guys. They still try to find alternative solutions to peace and end up killing people to survive. But I guess that’s what the show is about. Sorry Monty...

[holyhikari]

The Wayne-Todd Literary and Tea Society

In which Damian and Jason bond over books and complicated feelings.

Batman (Comics) one-shot. Characters: Damian Wayne & Jason Todd.

Word count:  2695. For General Audiences. No pairings. 

Read on Ao3:  The Wayne-Todd Literary and Tea Society by Beatriz Caelum

When Damian sees Jason Todd, he is always tempted to ask a few questions.

You see, differently from most, what he wishes to say usually isn’t about the killing that happens when Jason puts on the infamous red helmet. That he is capable of understanding. Damian didn’t use to kill for anything related to ethics  — a natural aspect of his birthright more than anything else —, as grey as morality can get in both sides of his family, but he has blood on his hands nonetheless.

There isn’t much to say about dying, either. They’ve both been there, at different times, in almost different worlds, clinging to what Bruce Wayne once meant, but Death is timeless and the same to everyone it touches. (It is life that is different. Damian woke up to love and Jason to absence.) 

Sure, there were some scattered talks about it over a rooftop or two, mostly questions, “What do you remember of it?” and  “Do you feel wrong when you breathe?”, that were met with, “I’m not sure,” and “Being alive to me has always felt somewhat unsettling,” but it wasn’t long before they realized that it was the last thing they wished to talk about, even with someone who could understand.

Good thing they can work just fine with silence.

Even though almost a full year has gone by after Damian was bought back to the unfortunate land of the living, he still catches the Red Hood looking out for him more than what is necessary whenever they happen to meet under Gotham’s night sky. It’s something he does even when they are in different sides of a fight, “not opposite sides,” Hood would say, “you know what I want for this hell of a city is the same that you want, too.”

(Damian supposes it is the same in more ways than it is not, but Father has a more abrasive opinion on the matter.)

Regardless of how many times Damian has snarled for him to stay out of his way — like a little brother would be upset rather than an acquaintance or an ally —, that he does not need the extra protection, especially not from him, the Red Hood is insistent. Merciless even about this.

Father’s face twitched when he mentioned the gesture. Drake teased, “you complain when we don’t like you, you complain when we try to help.”  Richard gave him a sad smile that Damian couldn’t shake off for days; Nightwing is also prone to reckless protection around Robin, closer to endangering himself than he would be otherwise.

It makes it harder to work. It makes it more painful to love and be loved by Richard. It makes him more sensitive to what persisted of Father’s grief. But, right now, Damian can only think of how it makes him more curious about Jason Todd  — he could write a list. How can you be so ruthless, yet so caring? How much of your idiocy is staged? How was Father before he lost you? Do you truly not realize the hole you left inside his heart?

But, most of the time, he wishes to ask him about Mother.

Damian knows they spent some time together. What of her that he knows that her own son doesn’t? He wonders, sometimes, what would have been of their weird brotherhood — if you could call it that — if Mother was to tell him about the ex-Robin’s leap into the Lazarus Pit. They could’ve met. He was very young then, but his tender age had never been an issue to the League. Perhaps, after probably trying to murder Jason for planning to hurt the Batman of all people, he would grow to admire that… unique determination.  Like he does now, although reluctantly.

However, what actually pulls the trigger and has Damian swallowing his pride has nothing to do with blood — in any sense of the word.

“What do I own the visit?”

The way Damian stiffs, full on Robin gear and with only one foot into the apartment’s window, could only be caught by someone trained under his Father. The Red Hood snorts, a sound distorted by the helmet’s voice modulator.

“I assume you let me in,” he chooses to say. “Otherwise your security methods could be compared to the skillset of a babbling infant. And that is me being polite.”

“It sure is,” Hood sits down, couch worn out and small like most of his safehouses, reaching for a mug resting on a table. The room smells like cheap coffee — the kind that offends Drake to a personal level —, but Damian suspects that this is tea. “Alfred called. Like, a few minutes ago. Said that if I let my window open I might catch a bird.”

Damian clicks his tongue, “I didn’t tell Pennyworth to inform you of my arrival.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

He presses the bag he is holding a little too forcefully to his chest. “No.”

The Red Hood hums and takes off the helmet. Then, Jason Todd blows on his drink.  “You must have noticed by now, but Alfie kinda does what he wants.”

(Damian has very much noticed.)

“Were you about to go out to do any of your nonsense?” He asks. Then, more shyly:  “I could come back another time.”

For a moment, Todd looks like he’s about to ask what Damian wants from him, but instead, he raises an eyebrow. “You don’t get to boss me. Weren’t you supposed to be getting ready to patrol now, baby bat?”

Damian frowns at the nickname. “We’re going in later tonight for a specific mission, but, for once, I am not here to discuss any crime-related activity. It is more… personal.”

“Oh, no.” He groans louder than Damian wants to hear. “Is this any kind of family meeting? I know I have been on kinda-friendly terms with most of you for a while now, but I’m not in the mood for anything personal. ”

“It is not a family meeting.”

“Whatever it is, go to Dick.”

He clears his throat. “I think it will be of your interest.”

“Surprise me, then.” Todd sighs, stretching his arms. The mug is now empty and there’s probably more where it came from, but he doesn’t offer any beverage to Damian. Rude. “Do your worst, but you know I’m badder.”

He refuses the urge to roll his eyes at the insulting use of the English language — Todd is above this! — and drops his bag’s content onto the living room table with little to no ceremony, almost pushing the mug off. Jason curses at him.

Then, nine bangs. One from each Sherlock Holmes book colliding with the wood.

Todd's expression shifts in a way that Damian knows he wishes he still had the helmet on.

“These are mine,” he draws out, slow.

“Indeed.”

“You —,” Todd narrows his eyes, the greenish blue glowing accusingly. “You stole my books?”

Damian bristles, “I am above stealing.”

“I don’t remember giving them to you,” he points out. “Or letting you borrow them.”

“They were in the Manor’s library,” he says. “With some other books that also belonged — belong to you, I believe. They had a special place just for them.”

“Wh—”

“Pennyworth.”

Todd’s shoulders are still tense, but the lines around his eyes soften at Alfred’s name. Damian can see that there’s some sort of internal struggle by the way Jason’s body carries itself in what he recognizes as the most unforgiving self-discipline; as if his fingers itch to run through the books’ covers, open them, press gently to the pages’ margins to see — to feel — if the notes he took so fervently all those years ago are still intact, but he doesn’t want to have this moment in front of Damian.

“You came here to tell me you found out Alfie is a good person,” Todd deadpans, but Damian catches the constipated emotion nonetheless. “Amazing job, Detective.”

“I came here,” he hesitates, “because I saw your notes.”

Todd wrote on all the nine volumes, a  rushed, clumsy but determined calligraphy squeezed between the edges and Arthur Conan Doyle’s words, mostly untouched with the exception of a few phrases carefully circled by Alfred where Todd had made a grammar or spelling mistake. By the end of each and every book, there’s Father’s handwriting complementing Todd’s observations and theories about the plot, the mysteries and the characters throughout the pages.

It made Damian heart’s ache when he saw it all. Younger Todd’s excited rambling about what he was reading was very, very bright. More often than not, he grasped even the more obscure clues and foreshadowings Doyle left within the narrative — a detective in making. A natural.

Damian had imagined Jason Todd as this dense, unruly kid that would only pick up a book if someone made him. Someone who worshipped senseless violence. It’s what almost everyone says. It’s what Todd himself tells people.

I was Robin. The bad one.

“And you’re here to tell me how stupid they were? How much better you were at my age?” Todd scowls, getting up a little too fast, already walking towards him. “Because I don’t want to hear any of it. Get out.”

“Thank you,” Damian blurts out before the most Al Ghul part of him shuts his mouth and before Jason pushes him out of the window. “It was a privilege to read them.”

Surprise bursts into Todd’s face and he almost loses his balance when his steps come to an abrupt stop. “What?”

“You were — I saw your other books,” he says. “You have excellent taste in Literature and your notes were filled with very pertinent insights.”  

“You’re complimenting me.”

“Yes,” Damian rolls his eyes. “It would be foolish of me not to admit it.”

Todd opens his mouth, then closes it. He repeats the action a few more times.

“You’re welcome, I guess?” He says, exasperation coloring his tone. “I wish I had a camera.”

“Only the Sherlock Holmes collection had notes on them,” Damian decides to push his look. “I checked it twice.”

Todd’s lips twitch, forming a thin line. A sort of bitterness clings to him and Damian is suddenly too aware of the fact that the boy who wrote what he read is lost to more than time itself.

“B gave me them so the deductive skills part of training wouldn’t be so boring,” he sits down again, not looking at anything specific. “He — we decided to make it a sort of game. The notes were for him. So he could see my progress.”

“We don’t do this sort of activity,” Damian finds himself saying. He swallows, hand to his throat. The words hurt to pass through.

"I'd offer you tea, but I just ran out of it."

"Next time."

Todd’s smile is tired, “You can just ask Bruce to do stuff like this with you, gremlin.”

“I suppose I could,” he mumbles. Then, louder: “There are many clean books.”

“Don’t touch my stuff,”  he snaps, but there’s no venom to it. “You hadn’t read Sherlock Holmes before?”

Damian’s back straightens. He puffs his cheeks involuntarily, “Of course I had. I wanted to re-read it. Who do you take me for? I’ve read the most celebrated literary works to date from authors all across the world!”

“To Kill a Mockingbird?” He challenges. “One Hundred Years of Solitude? Beloved? Fahrenheit 451? The Color Purple? The Left Hand of Darkness?”

“Please,” Damian scoffs. “I could’ve written an award-winning analysis on all of these when I was four.”

“What’s the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything?”

“42.”

“Impressive.”

He shoots back at Todd a list of his own and isn’t all that surprised that Jason only stops him once, “Dom Casmurro? Never heard of it.”

“It’s from Machado de Assis,” Damian for once in his life tries not to sound arrogant when explaining something. “Brilliant writer from Brazil.”

“They’ve got Clarice Lispector too,” Todd’s eyes widen in recognition. “I’ll look it up.”

“No need,” Damian waves his hand in a dismissive gesture. “I’ll have a copy delivered to you in no time. We can discuss it later if Capitu did or did not cheat on Bentinho and why it is unclear to this day.”

“I don’t know who these people are, but I bet she didn’t and, if she did, he deserved it.”

Damian almost smiles, “Good guess.”

“Uh,” he blinks. “Are you okay, Damian?”

“Do I not seem in a good condition to you?”

“You want to spend time with me,” Todd says, pointing to himself. “With me. ”

Damian tries to mask the disappointment that creeps up on him with his usual scowl. “If you find it unpleasant and does not wish to—”

“I’m just surprised,” he interrupts. “God. Did I wake up looking like Dick Grayson and no one told me?”

“You’re not entirely impossible to be around, I’ll give you that, but you aren’t Richard either.” He smirks wolfishly. “But you do have a chance to prove to me that you can discuss art better than anyone else in our family.”

The last two words envelop the room in a heavy sort of silence. No one dares to move for far too long, and, despite the stillness of it all, despite how little effort one has to make in order to unveil the exact pace of their heartbeats and what they hide, no noise from the outside is brave enough to interrupt whatever flows between Damian and Jason in this instant.

Damian doesn’t know if Pennyworth keeping the books made him sentimental, or if the Bat Signal is shining behind him for Father, or if the way he said our family was just like Richard says it, or if something about his careful way of approaching reminds Todd of how he and Drake started sorting out their own issues, or if the act of sharing words and finding meaning in it makes Todd’s mind wander off to Cain. Damian has no idea.

But, somehow, they’re all here. With them.

And Todd could run away. He could — and he doesn’t.

His hand finally finds its way to one of the books, with such care and devotion that, if it wasn’t for the bat plastered on Todd’s chest and the gun attached to his waist, no one would believe he’s the Red Hood.

“These stories,” Todd’s voice is not above a whisper, “made me feel like I had a home when you guys couldn’t.”

Damian’s eyes burn behind Robin’s mask. “You can have more than stories now. If you wish.”

The look in Todd’s eyes carries the kind of intensity that makes people afraid to live another day. Damian waits, without as much as breathing, for something to shatter; for having to turn his back and walk out with Todd’s rejection at his trail.

Instead, “Damian Wayne wants me to join his book club.”

Stunned, he almost falters. “If you want to put it that way.”

Todd turns away to put on his helmet before Damian can get a better look at his expression, but, if there’s anything feigned about Todd’s agreement, he isn't able to see. He seems to be getting ready for the night, back turned to Damian and a serenity to his movements that wasn’t there before.

“The things I do for art,” the voice modulator makes his dramatic sigh sound like static.

“I only expect the best,” Damian warns. “I choose the books.”

“Always?” Todd protests. “But then we’ll never know in which Hogwarts house you’re in, or who is your godly parent and if you’re in Camp Half-Blood or Camp Jupiter, if you’re Team Edward or Team Jacob, and I won’t get to see your face when Prim goes boom, or —”

Damian is almost regretting this already.  “What even is this nonsense?”

“Oh, I’ll let you know.” Todd has one foot out of the window. “This is going to be priceless.”

“I won’t read any garba—”

“See ya in the Slytherin common room!”

“Where?”

Damian still has many questions to ask, but he is already gone, of course, and Robin is completely alone in the apartment.

But nowhere near as lonely as the other times Jason walked out on a conversation.

[the-erudite-library]

The Fateless Chapter 2: The Test

Read on AO3

The tests begin after lunch. I won’t be taking any of my afternoon classes today so I’ll have plenty of time to think about my choice. We mostly did nothing in class; one would think that the teachers would want to cram all they could into one last lesson because for some of us this will be our last day of school for the rest of our lives, but that would be wrong. It was mostly just parting words and free time. This was everyone else's last day of the school year too, but they'll be back again and they also got to leave before lunch. We're stuck here until at least the end of the school day barring some sort of illness or injury. No one knows what the test because we’re not supposed to be told, so none of us know what to expect.

I sit between Casey and my other friend; Elizabeth Reynolds, known to most as Eliza. Eliza is a bit arrogant to say the very least. She always has been, but it’s not like she doesn’t have a reason to be. She’s is highly intelligent and has a knack for navigating life with a certain sensibility and grace that I could never amount to. She radiates elegance in every aspect of her life, a product of her upbringing I guess – though that just raises the question why I can’t be like that because we grew up together. Like Casey and I, Eliza was born to powerful people. Her father, Jason, is a very well-respected researcher in his field and works very closely with the head of the head of the pharmacology department. Her mother, Cynthia, owns the largest makeup company in the city; it’s branched out from just being an Erudite business to opening a shop in City Center where people of all factions can go.

In some ways, Eliza reminds me a lot of Melanie. Melanie’s kind of arrogant too but totally has a reason to be to be with how smart she is, and Eliza has that same drive to know everything that they can about everything. But Eliza’s greatest interests lie in chemistry and software engineering, both careers that Erudite always needs new people in.

I met Eliza when we were seven at one of my parents’ many dinner parties after the adults shooed away the kids so they could drink and talk without being disturbed. I like her a lot; I always have. She’s funny and she’s got this energy about her that repulses some and draws in others. She’s one of the really competitive Erudite, but neither of us really feel like we have to compete with each other or Casey. We’re all totally secure in our friendship and we all know where we stand. It’s not that Casey and I aren’t smart enough to keep up with Eliza because we definitely are, it’s just that neither of us really want to compete against her like others do. She is our dearest friend and we’re all just really invested in supporting each other. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for either of them, all that they have to do ask. And I know for certain that they feel the same about me.

Eliza twirls a lock of her silky black hair around her finger as she talks, her voice laced with haughty contempt. “Dahlia doesn’t know what she’s talking about and I’m more than happy to set her right if she would only get off her high horse and listen.”

Eliza holds a particular disdain quite a few classmates of ours and from what I know, there are many that feel the same about her. She speaks of Dahlia often, and I can’t say that I disagree with her. Like I said, some of the acquaintances I have are just terrible.

“She’s so arrogant,” Casey says. “And totally underserving.”

“Mhm.” Eliza nods in agreement. “I’m so sick of her acting like she’s better than me or something.”

“At least I’ll never have to see her again after today,” Casey says with a smile that contrasts the heavy nature of her statement that isn’t lost on Eliza and I. But we all knew that this day was coming; we’ve known for years that Casey would leave us and, like me, Eliza is just glad that she’s pursuing her own happiness.

“Ugh, Mimi and I are probably going to be stuck with her forever,” Eliza says with a roll of her eyes.

No one wants to discuss our choices without certainty. But I’m the only one of my friends without it. Eliza knows and has always known that Erudite is where she truly belongs. It suits her, she loves it here and she knows how to excel in way that sort of scares me. Casey has always known that she’s leaving and in recent months has begun to look toward Amity as her new home. I think that suits her too, I really do think that she’ll be happy there.

Casey and Eliza sort of assume that I’m staying because of how deeply tied to the place I am and I don’t have the nerve to tell them that I’m not sure. I want to tell them now, but there are too many other people around. I want to tell them now, but I don’t want Eliza to freak out. I want to tell them now, but I’m still not sure if I’m not going to stick around. I wish that this were simpler; I wish there was some sort of ‘idiot’s guide to choosing a faction’ or something, I think that would really help. Maybe the notion that knowing more would make my life easier means that I’m fated for Erudite. Maybe if I just keep repeating that I belong somewhere than eventually I will; maybe that’s just how it works for everyone.

I do not think that is how it works for everyone.

My lack of response creates a pocket of awkwardness as Eliza and Casey both look to me to laugh with them and join their casual disparaging of Dahlia’s character. Not that she doesn’t totally have it coming.

Before I can force the awkward laugh from my throat and stumble over an agreement of how much it will suck to always be around Dahlia all the time, I receive a text from my sister that gives me an excuse to look away. Melanie asks me to lunch after I’m done with testing and I tell her that that sounds lovely. I might even be able to get some advice on what to do from her. Of course, Melanie always knew who she was going to be and where she belonged, I remember her always saying ‘When I’m a member…’ like there was never any alternative because for her I suppose there wasn’t. I doubt there was one for Michael either; my reserved and studious brother who spent so much of his time holed up in his room studying long before he began initiation. Erudite is woven into the twins, and my parents, and Jeanine, and Eliza in a way that I wish it could be a part of me. I wish that I could just exude that energy, have that personality; I wish that I were just a little bit more like them so that I would know exactly what to do. They have all always known exactly what to do.

With Mark and Minerva my memories are always a little fuzzier. Honestly, I don’t remember a lot of Mark before he was getting close to leaving. I wasn’t around him like I was around the twins and I can’t really remember him acting really ‘like Amity’. He didn’t act like my parents, I remember that, but I also knew enough about people to know that everyone was different. I hear how faction transfers always seem a little off before they leave, but I never saw that with Mark and Minerva. Or maybe it was there and I was just too young to realize.

I wonder if they struggled with their choices like I’m struggling with mine now. I wonder if they fought what they were and my confusion is just me subconsciously suppressing who I really am. But I like to think that I would know if I were Candor or Amity.

All due respect to Minerva and whatever, but I am not terribly fond of Candor. In some ways I can appreciate how straightforward they are, but most of the time I find them to be loud and obnoxious. It’s always the Dauntless and the Candor that talk too much and cause too many distractions. I mean, Erudite also have a tendency to talk too much, that stereotype doesn’t come from nowhere, but at least we know what we’re talking about. Candor just tend to spew out whatever comes into their mind and Dauntless are just crass.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love Minerva and I do admire her work in Candor and I admire what Candor does for this city. But every Candor teenager I have ever met has been nothing short of extremely irritating. At least I know of one good Dauntless my age.

I glance over to where the Dauntless sit and spot her playing cards with a group of three others. She brushes her brown and gold, nearly gravity-defying curls away from her face only for the section to fall right back over her left eye. She notices me out of the corner of her eye and waves; I wave back and the others notice too. A little grin crosses Eliza’s face that she more than happily returns.

I met Kira Elysium when I was thirteen, which was when the others met her too. We were all just hanging around during the break in the park when Kira waltzed over to us and just sat down, jumping in on our conversation like we’d been friends for years. She’s as bold as she is compassionate and fits in with our little group very, very well. Of course, she has friends of her own in Dauntless who’s names escape me because I only seen them once or twice. She says she likes to think of her friendship with us like an alter ego, no pressure to be daring and out there; she can be as bookish and nerdy as she likes without anyone giving her shit for it. She isn’t terribly interested in Dauntless, but she seems endlessly enchanted and fascinated by Erudite. I think she knows what faction she’ll be choosing tomorrow too.

I know that most Dauntless aren’t Kira, that she’s a rarity, that she’s always been more Erudite than Dauntless and so I don’t base any of my opinions of them off of her. If I did then I’d probably think much better of them. Kira likes her birth faction well enough. She’s told us that she thinks it’s a fine place to be, but she never says much of it past that. I think that she’s is as scared of leaving as I am. Neither of us are like Casey; even though Kira seems to have fallen in love with Erudite she is still hesitant to make any commitments. Speaking of commitments, I know that she and Eliza have had a thing for each other for a while now. I know because they’ve both told me and both of them are aware that the other likes them back. But interfaction dating isn’t allowed and even if it were Eliza could never date a Dauntless, and like I said Kira is still not totally ready to jump ship yet. Even so, I don’t think that she’ll be staying there. I think that, if I stay, we’ll be seeing a lot of each other during initiation.

Her fascination with Erudite aside, Kira’s really crazy smart. I know that I’m smart, and I know that Casey and Eliza are smart, and I’m sure there are smart Dauntless, but Kira is on another level. Kira really is Erudite smart and if she were Erudite I think she would be some of Eliza’s greatest competition. She learns all that she does because she thinks it’s fun, because she enjoys the hands on work that she can do as much as she enjoys reading about things in the abstract. I know that she enjoys mechanics, that she volunteers at a Dauntless repair shop in her free time that her uncle worked for a while back. She really loves it, but as she says, it’s just a hobby; she doesn’t think that it will be something permanent.

If I could invite Kira over to sit with us, I would. I love talking to her because on top of everything else, she’s super witty too. Her quick humor and spur of the moment jokes are one of the many things that I love about her. But none of us are allowed to move from our tables and go interact with kids from other factions. For all that we’re supposed to coexist happily and interact, there sure are a lot of limits on just how we can interact with each other. All that we can do is sit with our respective factions and just do what we’re supposed to.

I look around at the other tables, first noticing the others that belong to my own faction. Everyone is either studying or talking. Some had enough foresight to bring a book that they actually want to read (i.e. literally anything besides the textbooks that we have. All of them are digital downloads with hard copies kept in class, but it’s the only reading material we were provided if we forgot our own stuff). Others type on laptops or tablets. We’re supposed to be studying, but I really doubt that it matters as long as you don’t get caught. Most of us started out the waiting period buried in our books and tech, but as time wore on the quiet slowly began to break down and a lot of kids have abandoned their stuff for conversations with their friends.

To the left of the Erudite tables are the Dauntless tables. Looking past Kira and her friends playing cards, I see that other Dauntless are doing the same or talking much more loudly. Others brought other games to play to pass the time. That entire section of the cafeteria is just a lot of noise. The Dauntless are as beautiful as they are fascinating to me. My siblings and parents never hesitate to roll their eyes at the Dauntless look but I think it’s great. They look comfortable (more comfortable than I have ever been in some of my dresses) while at the same time being stunning. Between their tattoos, piercings, dramatic makeup, and unnatural hair colors that take up their entire head paired with creative styles, their bodies are works of art in and of themselves. To me it is a very attractive, if slightly off putting, look; and I know for a fact that Eliza thinks so too. Erudite also has a lot of dramatic makeup, but Dauntless’ is darker and heavier. They are less focused on making themselves look perfect and more on making themselves noticeable. I have seen people with eyeshadow and lipstick as bright and colorful as their hair in every color imaginable, always paired with very heavy eyeliner that draws attention to the eyes.

Candor to my right are no better in the noise department, I suppose. Their faction encourages talking openly at all times, so that is what they do. A few groups, from what I can overhear, are debating something that was in the news this morning, but most of the kids are just chatting about nothing. Some of them look exceptionally bored, like they would rather be doing anything than talking to whoever they’re talking to. I am very familiar with that feeling. Aside from Minerva, I have never been very fond of the Candor, but I can at least appreciate the aesthetic that they have going. Their black and white clothing looks neat and put together just like the clothes in Erudite do. They don’t have as much variety in color, but they make up for it in style. Many of them have a natural beauty about them honed from years of learning how to be stunning without makeup because their faction doesn’t allow it.

Some of the Amity have abandoned their tables to sit on the floor in circles and play games that cause them to erupt into a fit of giggles every five or so minutes. Others remain in their seats and talk excitedly with bright smiles and lots of hand gestures. I can easily see why my brother would have been drawn to Amity; I am a little drawn to Amity. It’s hard not to be when they all just look so happy. Maybe it is not the wisest life to lead; perhaps it won’t lead to great success and prominence, but no one can deny Amity’s importance to our city. And maybe prominence isn’t everything. I mean, Mark obviously didn’t think so. I can see both the physical and metaphorical beauty in Amity. Their lives just seem so carefree, so easy. They never have to stress about anything and everything is always very pleasant. It would be so nice to be that way, to live without a care in the world. There is beauty in their kindness too; their bright smiles and how they always know just what to say. They always seem very in tune with others emotions and are ready to offer comfort even to those outside of their faction. Every Amity just seems to really enjoy being alive and I’ll bet that makes it a little easier to always be nice to people. Amity are pretty physically too. Every faction has sort of a look going for them beyond just colors and Amity’s is very light and soft, like they are. When they’re not working, most of them wear their hair long, loose, and natural. Their skin is perpetually sunkissed from working in the fields and many of them have freckles from the same thing. I look at Casey and I wonder how long it will take her to develop freckles that weren’t there before and a tan. Mark is noticeably slightly darker than the rest of my family and he has a little splash of freckles across his nose that I don’t remember being there when we were children.

The Abnegation sit on the far side of the cafeteria, all of them staring blankly into space with their hands folded. Their faction rules dictate that they’re always supposed to be quiet, still, and unnoticeable until someone can make use of them. There’s not a lot to look at with them; they don’t do anything, they don’t act like anything, the only time they ever say anything is when it’s their leaders. In a way I find it odd how they can always be so quiet, but in a way I do admire them. They always seem to be totally at peace, totally comfortable with fading into the background. I guess that if you never think about yourself then there’s nothing to be uncomfortable with. I kind of respect and envy that.

Eliza is called with the next group and as she stands neither Casey nor I wish her luck or reassure her, she doesn’t need it. Eliza knows who she is and where she belongs; she always has. She’s going to be an amazing Erudite who will do incredible things just like her parents, like my family, like the department heads. I think that Eliza will be one of them some day; maybe she’ll even be faction leader.

“I’m kind of nervous,” Casey says quietly, twisting her fingers together.

I nod, “Me too. But it’ll be fine; we - we already know where we belong.” The words feel wrong in my mouth, like the kind of lie that makes your skin crawl and you feel uncomfortable for ever saying it.

She nods with a strange look on her face. “Right.”

We fall into silence and she goes back to her book so I glance down at my phone, trying to pass the time by scrolling through my pictures. I’m not exactly one of those people who takes pictures of everything, but I do have some good ones. Most of them feature my friends, laughing and smiling. But flipping through them only makes the fear in my chest stronger. I don’t want to have to leave; I don’t want to lose them, I don’t want to be separated. But whether I leave or not things are about to change and they’ll never go back to the way that they used to be. Casey is going to leave. I keep saying that I’m okay with it and that it’s not a big deal because I’ve always known, but I’m going to miss her. I want her to be happy, but I also don’t want to lose my best friend. Following her wherever she goes isn’t really an option either; I could never be Amity, and I can’t just abandon Eliza and my family, right?

But I know that they’d all be fine without me if I did leave. Eliza is perfectly self-sufficient and she’s got Kira. My parents have watched two of their children leave already, they might not approve but I would never have to know. If I can’t do anything for myself then I at least want to make everyone else happy, but I can’t because everyone’s going in different directions. I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want to be smothered. I’m so afraid that I won’t survive if I stay in Erudite, or I’ll let everyone down. My family expects so much from me and I don’t want to disappoint them. I’m not Michael or Melanie; I don’t belong like they do, I can never pretend that Erudite is all that I’ve ever wanted and that I’ve always been sure.

When people look at me they always see something that I’m not. It feels like everybody thinks that I’m super smart and really impressive like all of my siblings are, but I’m not. I’ll never be as good as my siblings no matter how much I want to be. That’s always been my friends, they’re more adept than I am at pretty much everything. I mean, I have hobbies and even things that I’m good at. I get good grades and I’m good at talking to people, but I’m nothing outstanding. The only thing that makes me special is who I’m related to and that’s practically nothing if I can’t live up to my family’s legacy. Everyone I’m related to is special; everyone I’m related to is talented, and smart, and outstanding. Their greatness is natural and effortless; it’s something that they’ve always known and something that they just are. I work really hard at everything I do and I’m still nowhere as good at anything as anyone I know. I’m not oblivious; I know that I’m not the best fighter, or the best cellist, or student. I’ll never be as smart as Kira and Eliza, I’ll never be elegant and perfect like my mother, or strong like Minerva, or effortlessly kind like Mark and Casey. I’m nice, but I can’t draw people to me; and I’m not clumsy, but I am hardly perfect.

Erudite places a lot of importance on knowing what your good at; we call it finding your niche. The idea is that you find what you’re really, really good at and you stick to it. Supposedly everyone has one and that’s what you’re meant to do and be. If I have one, then I haven’t found it yet. Maybe if I could, then it would be easier to figure out what I want to do.

Because that’s what this all circles back to; I don’t know what to do. I feel lost and I’m terrified that nothing I’ll ever do will be what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m really afraid that I’m going to make a mistake, make the wrong choice, and spend the rest of my life miserable. I only get one chance to make my life the best life I can live.

Eliza comes back ten minutes or so later as calm and confident as she was when she left.

“How did it go?” Casey asks.

“Just fine,” she says with a smirk. Neither of us have to ask what she got, we’re not supposed to but that doesn’t exactly stop people, we both already know she got Erudite.

She’ll be really happy here, she’ll do great. I wonder if I’ll get to see it, I really don’t know. I think it’d be cool for her, Kira, and I to rise through the ranks together and for Eliza and I to be the people everyone wants us to be together, and for Kira to be a Dauntless that my parents don’t hate. I think it would be wonderful five years from now to be Melanie and Michael’s age and feel totally at home in tones of blue, surrounded by glass and steel, looking back on today and wonder why I ever worried. To be right there when Eliza claims all of the success that she’s always deserved, to be at her side the whole time; and Kira along with us, shocking everyone time and time again.

But even as I think this I still can’t help but think that this only sounds amazing in theory. In reality I know that it would be hard for all of us, that we’d struggle. Erudite weeds out the weak with brutal efficiency through vicious competition and I don’t worry about Eliza, but Kira and I could get cut down not because we’re not smart enough, but because we’re not as cutthroat as others. As much as I hate her, Dahlia could probably best me easily because she’s as devoted to competing as Eliza is. I might fail.

I do not want to fail.

My thoughts are interrupted as an Abnegation volunteer calls the next group for testing; two from Amity, two from Candor, two from Dauntless (Kira is one of them), two from Abnegation, and then, “From Erudite, Cassandra Diarmond and Mimette Malachite-Captor.”

I stand on trembling legs, smoothing my skirt and leave my journal behind with Eliza. Casey and I walk closely to each other and I want to take her hand to calm my nerves, but I don’t want to appear vulnerable. I am aware that I’m noticeable, I know that people see me and as the daughter of Erudite’s representative I know that there’s always a bit of a spotlight on me. I learned very young that I had to always be conscious of how I look, that I had to project confidence and grace all the time and uphold the core ideals of my faction. I have to be the perfect daughter, especially now that I’m the only one left under my parents’ care. I’m not perfect, but I can never let everyone else know that.

I nearly bump into an Abnegation girl as I go through the door, both of us stepping back quickly. After a moment I realize that it’s the same one that I smacked into in the hallway this morning. She gestures for me to go first and I do, muttering an apology.

Through the door is a hallway with ten frosted glass doors. Each of us goes through one, I glance at Casey one more time before we’re separated.

Inside the room is a chair and a computer terminal with an Abnegation woman sitting at it. We aren’t allowed to be tested by members of our own faction, so most of the volunteers are Abnegation with the exception of a few. The woman’s back is to me as she finishes something; her dark brown hair tied into the same bun that every Abnegation woman wears but hers has a few sections of hair that have fallen loose from it. I close the door behind me with a click and she turns at the sound.

She smiles gently, “My name is Maria. Have a seat please.”

The chair’s back is reclined and so when I lean back I am staring straight up at the ceiling.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Maria says. “It’s actually rather easy.”

“What happens?” I ask.

“I can’t say. Don’t worry about it, just do what feels natural.”

“What does that mean?” Like everyone in my faction, I ask a lot of questions. But I’m sure she’s been getting this all afternoon.

“Don’t worry about it.” She moves some of the loose curls behind her ear. Her eyes are dark and look as warm as her smile.

She hands me a vial of blue tinged liquid. “Drink this.”

“What does it do?”

“I can’t say, you’ll just have to trust me. The test will begin immediately afterward.”

I drink it all in one gulp and lean back again. I feel tired and heavy almost immediately. All I can do is close my eyes as my awareness of everything around me fades away.

When I open my eyes, I am in the cafeteria again. In front of me are two pedestals, each one holding a basket. In one basket is a knife as long as my forearm, gleaming silver in the bright light, and in the other is a slab of raw meet.

“Choose,” a voice says.

“Why?” I look around for the source of the voice and find nothing.

“Choose,” the voice repeats.

I look between the baskets, trying to decide. I reach out and hover over the meat for a minute before going to the knife and then back and then back again. Finally, I pick up the knife. This isn’t the first time I’ve held a knife, Melanie throws knives as a hobby and collects the pretty ones. Hers are far more elegant than the simple black and silver one I hold now.

I hear a noise behind be and turn to see a large black and brown dog growling. I can see its massive sharp teeth from here and I look down at the knife in my hand, knowing what I’m meant to do with it. But I can’t. I can’t kill this dog, I can’t and I won’t.

I throw the knife off to the side and hear it clatter to the floor somewhere. I step back slowly. There’s no way that I’ll be fast enough to make it all the way to the door, I wish that I’d grabbed the meat.

The dog snarls and runs at me. I don’t have a lot of experience with animals, Erudite doesn’t allow pets, but I know that usually they are more afraid of you than you are of them. Going down to their level and allowing them to approach you on their own terms works well, to be as gentle and nonthreatening as possible.

I, very slowly, kneel down to its height as it continues to run at me. I expect it to pounce on me and I brace for the impact but instead it skids to a stop in front of me. Very slowly, I lift my hand and hold it out in front of me for the dog to sniff. The dog snarls at me and sniffs at my hand. I keep my eyes on the tile and the dog’s feet, keeping my breathing as even as possible. I feel something cold and wet press into my palm and I lift my head slowly. The dog’s snout is pressed into my hand and it looks at me expectantly, its vicious expression gone. I smile slightly and move my hand behind its ears, still slowly so as not to upset it. I scratch behind its ears and it wags its tail, sitting down.

I smile at it. “You’re not so vicious, are you?”

It licks my face and I laugh, wiping the drool away with the back of my hand.

“Puppy!” A child in a white dress exclaims, giggling. “C’mere.”

The dog snarls at the little girl, once again becoming vicious. The child shrieks and flinches, before the dog can run at her I wrap my arms around its neck, keeping it from charging with only my body weight.

I expect to feel sharp teeth sink into me as it thrashes in my arms, but after a moment it stops. I open my screwed shut eyes and I am no longer in the cafeteria, I am sitting on the city bus among dozens of others.

Across the aisle stands a Candor man reading a newspaper. I can’t see his face over the newspaper, but his hands are scarred like he’s been burned as far up as I can see before they disappear into the white sleeves of his jacket. I fold my hands in front of me and stare ahead, reading the front page of his paper. The headline reads, ‘Brutal Murderer Finally Apprehended’ in thick black font. Below the headline is a grainy black and white mugshot of a plain looking man with dark hair and empty eyes. I can’t make out any of the text surrounding the photo thought. Suddenly, the man folds the newspaper so that only the front page shows, his face twisted into a scowl. His face is in the same state as his hands and he wears dark sunglasses, but I can fill in the blanks on what his eyes must look like.

“Do you know this guy?!” he demands, jabbing the mugshot.

I jump slightly looking at the people next to me, and there are people next to me but I can’t quite to focus on their features.

“I’m talking to you, girlie,” he says.

I point to myself, looking around at the other passengers, waiting for them to notice but no one does.

“Yes, you.” I cannot see his eyes, but I do not have to to know that he rolled them. “Well, do you know him?”

I stare intently at the photo, I feel like I might know the man, but the feeling is faint and the photo quality is poor. I glance down to see if there’s a name, but I can’t quite make out any words besides the headline.

“I don’t believe so,” I say. It’s a lie, but he does not seem the sort of person that I want to be honest with.

“I don’t believe you.” He crumples the newspaper.

“You must be mistaking me for someone else.”

“You must be lying to me.” He steps closer and looms over me in my seat.

I rise slowly from my seat, forcing him to take a step back. “I’m not lying.”

“I can see it in your eyes.” I can smell cigarettes on his breath and have to push down the urge to cough.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I try to keep my tone light and pleasant, like dealing with a particularly unpleasant classmate in the presence of a teacher. No one has to know how mean I can be, all I have to do is smile and be polite.

He tilts his sunglasses down and I can see that his eyes are pale green and bloodshot with dark rings under them. “If you knew him, you could save me. You could save me!”

I clench my hands together and look away, anywhere but his eyes. “Well, I’m sorry. I don’t.”

[sjrresearch]

Debunking Myths About Historical Wargaming

This article is intended to debunk myths about the hobby and practice of wargaming. It’s a bit of an opinion piece, so I don’t expect that everyone’s personal bugbear will be addressed in this article (that and I only have so much space for my editor to work with). I do want to say this before we begin. Wargaming is a hobby that’s gotten a bad rap over the years in some circles. I think in many ways, undeservedly, and I want to address some of the more common myths I have heard on my own. Much of this debunking will be anecdotal evidence, but the fact is, like any hobby, it takes all kinds.

Wargaming encourages war, or makes it more acceptable

To me, this is one of the more laughable accusations I’ve heard over the years. The truth is far from it. Some of the biggest pacificists I’ve known outside of the military are wargamers. You might ask, “why is that?” I mean, our hobby is gaming out the worst day in someone’s life. Well, that’s exactly why. When you game and read about this stuff, eventually, it will sink through to even the densest person that the reality of war is quite different than wargaming. This is doubly so if you’re a historical wargamer. 

To quote Sherman, “War is cruelty. There is no use trying to reform it; the crueler it is, the sooner it will be over.” And that’s the paradox in a nutshell of being a wargamer. War is cruel. But we turn it into a game. And it allows some clarity and an ability to gain some hindsight from a rather cruel and chaotic enterprise. Many of the veterans I know in the hobby play because, in some way, I think they seek that hindsight. This is especially true with the most recent conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq (quite a few veterans of that conflict are wargamers, either playing some form of science fiction game, such as 40K, or historical miniatures). 

Does it make war more acceptable or encourage it? No. I’d say not. What it does encourage is a deeper study of history. I know history has a lot of baggage these days. I would say this: Don’t let modern sensibilities seek to derail a lifetime effort to understand. I don’t, and I won’t. And I don’t sit there and go, “Yay, another war to game out!” We’ve got quite a few already, and I would be happy if war as a concept was banished to the gaming tables. Sadly, I don’t think that’s happening anytime soon. 

Wargamers are anti-social weirdos

Ok, this one makes me scratch my head. Look, this hobby can turn obsessive for a lot of people (personally, I think most wargamers are repressed megalomaniacs who express it through the size of their gaming collections! We do suffer from an “Ooh Shiny!” when the latest thing comes out!) But the fact is, we come from all walks of life. I’ve known soldiers, professors, venture capitalists, writers (we’re actually overrepresented in this hobby), cops, and doctors (the latter came in handy when I had a seizure at a convention one year!), and everything in between. I will admit this is an overeducated hobby. Wanna feel dumb? Be the guy with only a BA in History in a room full of guys with Masters and PhDs at a wargaming convention trying to keep up in a discussion about just how realistic the “pasta rule” in SPI’s Africa Campaign really was? 

Look, there is always “that guy” in the hobby who’s maybe got a few screws loose and could use a better acquaintance with a bar of soap. All of us in the hobby have known or do know people like that. The truth is, those folks often attend one or two games and then get told not to come back. And to be blunt, those folks often have more going on in their lives than just the fact they are wargamers. But most of us are social, love to hang out, and are lively inside of said circles. It’s just outside of those circles, we tend to be a bit “close-mouthed” about what we do for fun. Why? See Myth #1. A Facebook meme I saw and barely remember had something to say about that. It went like this: “You show up in the freezing cold stripped to the waist, painted in the loudest colors imaginable, and yell your heads off rooting for a bunch of overpaid players running a ball around, and we’re the weird ones?” That’s what wargamers (and most gamers in general) think of the outside world. For the record, I am a passionate baseball fan. 

So no, most of us are not anti-social weirdos. We tend not to really talk about the hobby to those not in it. It’s a learned habit.

Wargaming is an absolute predictive tool?

Yes, and no. Many organizations, both military and civilian, such as the Naval War College (which is one of the biggest deans of wargaming in this country) and the Rand Corporation, have used wargaming to figure out what might happen in a future conflict. Nimitz once famously said about the gaming at the former institution was such that “nothing that happened during the war was a surprise . . . except the kamikaze tactics.” That’s what happens when wargaming is done right. 

Sadly, when wargaming is done wrong, it can fail miserably. One of the most egregious examples is the Imperial Japanese Navy’s wargame just before the Battle of Midway. What occurred was that the “American” player ambushed and “sank” three out of the four Japanese carriers, which is exactly what happened in real life. The Japanese players complained, stating that surely, that couldn’t happen, and two of the carriers were resurrected. This was a lack of fidelity in the simulation that cost the Japanese dearly at Midway. 

Professional wargames have many values. They can allow tactical concepts to be tested in an abstract form before they are run in the field where you are spending real money on fuel, food, and other consumables in an exercise. You can familiarize players with the ground they will fight over, and you can teach young officers the art of thinking tactically, operationally, and strategically. That is the biggest value wargames have. Wargames aren’t predictors of the future. If they were, we’d have fought the Soviets at some point in the 1980s just judging by the number of “Cold War Gone Hot” games that hit the market at that point and time. But, nobody thought the Berlin Wall was going to come down either? 

I hope this article has addressed some of the myths swirling around about the hobby and debunked them. Epoch Experience is in the business of history and the facts. And we’d like to make sure that in any aspect of the study of history, including Historical Wargaming, the facts are available for all to consult. 

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At SJR Research, we specialize in creating compelling narratives and provide research to give your game the kind of details that engage your players and create a resonant world they want to spend time in. If you are interested in learning more about our gaming research services, you can browse SJR Research’s service on our site at SJR Research.

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(This article is credited to Jason Weiser. Jason is a long-time wargamer with published works in the Journal of the Society of Twentieth Century Wargamers; Miniature Wargames Magazine; and Wargames, Strategy, and Soldier.)

[midnatt-heronweather]

2020 review

Disclaimer: You won’t hear much about the virus in this. I’m not a denier, I know the damage and destruction covid19 has caused and the death toll, therefore I am not yet cold enough not to realise this is going to sound completely selfish, but that is my decision.  My reviews focus on MY year. Just so you’re aware. “I accept chaos, I’m not sure whether it accepts me.” Bob Dylan.

2020... What can I say?

This was the year I decided to officially identify as Non-Binary, not that anyone actually cares or believes me or things i'm "(insert stereotype at will)" enough. except for those very VERY rare people who do and who actually listen and hear me when I speak

Anyway -It has been a trashcan fire of a year since February/March February when I saw the Hu and Counterfeit alongside Ally. And I say February/March because that was the weekend I say my year ended...the good part anyway. Because it was that weekend when I got the ultimate honour, privilege and miracle of meeting Jason Carter, After that it was like a Dementor had French kissed the year and I can’t be the only one who thought it? Conventions and gigs postponed, rescheduled and ultimately cancelled, masks, social distancing, lockdowns the works. And can I just say - I didn’t clap, and I don’t feel in the slightest bit ashamed for it. Despite or maybe because I have friends and a few family who work in the NHS I couldn't bear to be a part of the hypocritical BS idea. I live in a country that will clap for their 'beloved' life saving NHS but then stand silent when Pay rises are frozen and when the NHS is in danger, we as a country expect a lot but don't lift a finger to gave back, clapping doesn’t pay bills. But...Bright points in the year let’s try staying positive and leaving the crap outside shall we...well... The main one has got to be that the US finally found their sense and President Elect Joe Biden will b sworn in January 20, 2021. After that... I’ll have to get back to you. Oh...no..no that’s not one... seriously I’ll have a think and get back to you. Conventions: Just one this year, for me, because of the obvious... But what a convention FCD Events presents 2258 a Babylon 5 Conventions: Where, as well as finally being among actual self confessed fans and being able to tick a b5 convention off my bucket list after starting cons way too late to attend the OG cons I did the impossible... I MET JASON CARTER... have I mentioned this? Have I? Should I say t again? I MET JASON CARTER!!! Also Mira Furlan, Tracy Scoggins and Patricia Tallman, but I met him! Finally! And... Just a reminder I did warn you guys, several times that it was likely hell would freeze over if I ever got that particular honour, do not say I didn’t. I’d never done an FCD before, I’d meant to, even bought a ticket but it just never seemed to happen, but the second someone said b5 con, I was so there! Karan Robinson made my year by making me the Anla’Shok uniform. And Nadine added the cherry on top by making the belt buckle that ONLY Marcus and Entil’Zha Sinclair wear: D (for the record: Velcro still hates me) David one of the organisers of FCD kept randomly shouting “We live for the one.” And when people other than m actually knew the response and responded... dude kick in the feels I kid you not. Next Year (Angel Willing) Adam and I are attending the Teen Wolf conventions entitled “Howl at the Moon 4” in Paris, France... which is cool on so many levels not least of which being I get to meet JR Bourne and Daniel Sharman again and get to visit the church of St Julian of the poor. And yes, there are cons planned here in the UK. But... well. It’s already looking Grey, and not the good kind. Music and Gigs: Two gigs one after the other at the 02 Ritz in Manchester. The First:

The Hu a Mongolian band who Ally really likes and I think are pretty cool. They are amazing live there’s no doubt, can hold their own in England even in a room of idiots. The 2nd :

Counterfeit (also with Ally) I went VIP and got to meet the boys again, and listen to a Q&A with them. I will forever love them, not just because of Jamie’s acting side despite what people say. Didn’t realise how special until recently though because;  after keeping fans going and hyping up new singles during lockdowns, they recently decided to go their separate ways. Jamie’s gone solo and he’s put three songs out on YouTube. _ I was meant to be attending a one off gig by Ruelle and Fleurie both of who had music used on Shadowhunters, even talked my friend Lou into it, but it was a victim of the lockdowns and things and I’m not the optimistic type so I doubt it’ll ever happen now, will be lucky if even one of the ladies comes over here if I’m honest. Recently I’ve rediscovered a love for Black Veil Brides and their leader Andy Black’s solo stuff. Olivia Hyde of Bad Pollyanna recently killed everyone in her black unicorn’s fanbase with an amazing solo album, me included. Ally has introduced me to a few interesting bands this year, *Wingtips – very 80s Goth, very Ally (translation: very cool.) *Allegiance Reign – a Japanese Samurai metal band,  not sure what Ally actually thinks of these guys, she found them while perusing YouTube and thought of me :D Suggestions greatly accepted, I am always up for giving new stuff a try. Hopefully next year things will even out and gigs will be able to be put on again. TV and Fandom’s: *We FINALLY got Roswell: New Mexico in the UK, and ITV blitzed through 2 seasons in less than a month, but it was enough for me to decide I loved it, maybe more than I did the original. Alex is my fave, but obv Michael isn’t half bad, nor is Max when he’s not making goo-goo eyes at Liz. * Finally got to see 9-1-1 Lone Star and I absolutely love it, (I kinda knew I would from all the talk) * Decided to give the Charmed reboot a 2nd look and it’s proved addictive, now waiting for s2 to be downloadable on Amazon or something. *In march I was so, so excited for the return of The Expanse and the fact the main cast were coming to a con in the UK, then.. The verse went to hell. I still Love the Expanse, but I’m not as die hard as I was, not for lack of trying. Still love it for Anna of course, any excuse to see her. *After 15 years Supernatural finally ended in 2020 with season15: I stopped watching religiously at the end of season 6 but that does not mean I stopped liking the show just that I didn’t like the direction (like with The Expanse recently) I loved watching the reaction of the fans, and how much they (we if I’m counted) mean to the cast. * I have to mention Cursed... If only to say HOLY HELL DANIEL! 𝑴𝒚 𝑭𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝑻𝑽 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒐𝒇 2020 Cursed 9-1-1 Lone Star & 9-1-1 Warrior Nun Prodigal Son Penny Dreadful: City of Angels Doctor who (Officially season12) Roswell s1&2 (it counts cos ITV only just got the reboots) Charmed s1&2(it counts cos E4 only just got the reboots) Call the Midwife (s9 btw) Our Girl Strike Back: Vendetta Friends: “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

My understanding of "friendship." is skewed, and I’m not saying that to be "Vulcan." it’s honest, and anyone who wants to know how or why just has to ask. But let’s leave it at that for this. It makes some things more stark... and I've said this recently, but this binfire has made even me more aware of who’s out there in my verse, whose pack, who’s potential, and who’s just pathetic. The last I’m not going to waste my breath on. The first two: Pack and Potential (read: new acquaintances /potential friends) Pack: Yes I go on about friends as 'Pack like a person whose OD'd on Teen Wolf... because I am so :P My pack as a whole are varied, and spread out across this country with a few dotted around Europe and Aus. hopefully they know who they are because I don't do mushy crap as they know. But if they do know, they know I'm there when I'm needed and more than willing to sod off when not. Yorkshire brass makes me frank and I’d hope fair. There are 2...mayb 3 who sit above the rest, in special place for the things they've done and things they've been through with me. I make no denial of that. But everyone is important to me. I wouldn't change them for anything.... Ok... tell a lie, maybe 1 or 2 when they do my box in, but that’s only like for a week maybe less. I've spent too many years and got too many scars and burned too many photos and bridges because of fake people and users to not be honest to a fault. It’s who I am. Potential: the Counterfeit gig in Manchester, 2258 and yes even Tiktok have given me the opportunity to make some interesting acquaintances this year, and some I hope will become friends in the real in the future, but for now I will say - "I am defensive, stand off ish, sometimes bull headed and of course opinionated, but I am by no means blind. Or blinkered despite what may be said of me. I am there when needed, if I can be of use, just poke me."   Ave Atqua Vale This section has its own post these days. Sadly. Pictures Will try and make one of my “a year in ten pics.” Posts later. Final words While I am not fond of this time of year, Enjoy your celebrations whatever for they may take, I will be watching The Magicians / Call the Midwife and plotting 202? Cosplays. I will be here when (fk knows why) I'm needed. Otherwise-  Compliments of the season, now go get a beer, i'm sure you need it after reading this crap.

in the words of The one and only Jason Carter  “Hindsight is 2020″

[seth-kate]

- i can't look at the sky

request: could you write one where the reader is Jason and Cheryl’s sister? Loved Afraid of Heights tysm x

pairing: jughead jones x reader

a/n: okay so I am writing this during my shift at the sleep room where I should be monitoring and watching babies sleep but I’m doing this instead. I should be fired but oh well…...

also the title is a line from a poem that I love.

Jughead didn’t know how it had happened. But some strange and undeniable force had brought them together. He liked to think it had something to with their poetic souls and similar hating attitude towards the universe. But maybe all it had to do with was insomnia, cheap coffee and the promise of solving a murder case.

He remembered the first time he had ever seen her while sitting down the back of his elementary classroom. How she had the trademark Blossom hair, and that look that made everyone feel incompetent. He’d known Jason and Cheryl and had instantly felt like they were the type of people he never wanted to acquaint himself with.

How he had thought that she’d be the same, and how wrong he was.

Jughead was a writer, a spinner of words and a creator of imagination but when it came to her, there were no words. None to describe how she looked in the sunlight, red hair glistening and shining like a thousand strands of fire. There were no words to give her smile justice, or how to describe that aching feeling in his chest when she touched him, like a million live butterflies were flapping wildly inside him like he was a cage.

Different wasn’t the right word to describe her either. But she was. She was different from her siblings, different from her parents.

She read comics under her blankets, and climbed trees with scraped knees. She stargazed with Jughead and made up names for the constellations. She liked to pretend she was a princess trapped inside Archie’s treehouse, waiting patiently for the knights to rescue her. She wasn’t afraid to say how she felt and wasn’t afraid to stand up for her friends.

That’s what they had been. Friends. Her, Betty, Archie and Jug. That’s how it had always been. They had walked to school together everyday, her with her Captain America backpack and her red pigtails swishing above her shoulders and Jughead with his grey beanie and head full of stories and eyes full of adoration for someone who was more radiant than the sun that beat down every day.

It seemed that their quartet was fixed for eternity, that nothing and nobody would ever come between them. If Jughead had to think about it, he always guessed that it would be a fight that would break them up, or maybe Archie would grow up and get a girlfriend and forget about them. Maybe Betty would get accepted to college early and have to leave.

He never expected that the dagger to their friendship would be Riverdale High.

It happened so fast that when he looked back he couldn’t even remember how it had happened exactly. One moment they were walking through the doors together, ready to start a new chapter in their lives and the next they were pulled apart in different directions.

Jughead found himself in words, lost himself in creating and telling stories about the most mundane things and the most fantastic. Archie threw himself into sports and Betty strived to transform herself into the perfect daughter that the Coopers wanted her to be, and y/n became the epitome of the All American Girl.

Head cheerleader. Straight A student and Spring Fling Princess two years in a row. She was undeniably popular and Jughead wasn’t. He wasn’t even her friend anymore and that hurt like a thousand stab wounds. He felt as if he was looking at a different person as she made her way down the halls, but sometimes when she smiled at him as she passed he was reminded of that girl that made him climb up tree-houses to save her as she pretended to be the very thing she had turned into.

It seemed that their friendship had not been made for eternity after all, and so he slunk into the shadows and adored her from afar, constantly trying to shove her from his mind but it never worked. Life went on and time healed him, but they didn’t know that in a few years a horrific murder and a cheap cup of coffee would bring them together again.

Jughead liked the continuity of routine. He liked keeping his life as routinised as possible, so he could avoid unnecessary obstacles whenever he could. He liked how he woke up at the same time, and how he got to school at the same time, how he went to Pop’s every night and wrote while sitting in the same booth as always. It seemed that the people around him also respected his idea of isolation and seclusion from stereotypical American high school, because it seemed that they didn’t notice him very well and he wanted to keep it that way. 

They walked past him without smiles, never stopped to talk to him or ask his opinion on homework or tests but he was okay with that. That’s how it was, and it was just another fixture to his routine. 

What he noticed however was that one particular person was slowly gravitating towards him, smiling more than usual and looking at him with a look in her familiar eyes that almost made him speak to her. But he hadn’t yet. 

He hadn’t spoken to Y/n Blossom in years. 

She had only returned to school this week after the devastating and untimely death of her brother. The complete opposite of Cheryl who had returned with an almost vivacious attitude and a fervor to return to her normal ways. Y/n however slunked to her classes with a heaviness to her shoulders and never sat with her friends at lunch, disappearing into the library instead. Jughead hated that he noticed these things, but he did. 

He needed to get her out of his head, needed to stop worrying and over thinking the reason behind the dark circles under her eyes. He needed to get to Pop’s and write, let words and sentences take him to someplace different. 

The familiar jingle of the bell above the door to the diner clanged as he walked in, Pop’s eyes lifting to see who his new customer was and smiling when he seen the beanie clad boy in front of him. 

“Do you want the usual?” he asked Jughead as he walked closer to the counter. 

“Yeah please, Pop” Jughead sighed, running a hand over his face. 

“Rough day at school?” the older man asked, hands leaning on the silver counter top. 

“You’ve no idea” Jughead told him, appreciating the smell of the freshly brewing coffee as it took over his senses. He felt just a little more relaxed now at the thought of settling into just another part of his routine. Y/n wasn’t here to disturb his thoughts with her sad eyes and kind smile. She wasn’t here to remind him of how he had felt when he was younger. 

“Well I think the pretty girl that’s waiting in your booth might cheer you up” the old man winked, as if he was sharing in some private joke that both he and Jughead knew. But Jughead had no idea what he was talking about. 

His brow creased and furrowed with the weight of bewilderment he was feeling and he whipped his head around, his bright eyes scanning the diner for his usual booth. He nearly choked on the air around him at the sight of her. Her big eyes looking out the window that was shadowed by the neon lights outside. 

Y/n Blossom was sitting in his booth. In his booth. 

“I’ll bring this down to you, kid” Pop told him, sensing the discomfort that was radiating from the teenage boy. 

Jughead nodded his thanks dumbly, eyes still on the redhead that sat in his seat. He could just ask her to move, or sit somewhere else but his feet moved before he could stop himself and his thumping heartbeat drowned out any sense he had left. She hadn’t noticed him yet, still intent with looking at whatever her eyes could see but he was certain she must be able to hear how loud his heart was. 

He coughed quietly once, a hoarse sort of scratch against his throat but she didn’t notice him. He coughed again, louder this time and regretted it instantly. Her eyes, that looked permanently red around the rims, looked straight into his and right past his soul it seemed. He became frozen where he stood. A solid statue that would forever be an immortal remembrance of his adoration. He was sure his love sickness was written all over his face. 

“Y/n.....I um usually sit here” he felt lame as soon as the words left him. He was stupid, he thought, this was a free country, she could sit where she liked. She hardly knew this was the booth he liked to sit in. How could she have noticed something so small and insignificant about him while living her colourful life? 

“I know you do, Jug” her voice was like a whisper. So apparently she did know where he liked to sit. Was she just here to antagonise him with her presence? Did she know she was the most beautiful girl in the world? Like the brightest star in a constellation. 

“Then...why...?” he trailed off, not knowing how to get the words out. 

“I just wanted to talk to you” she shrugged, like it was something she always said to him. 

“To me?” he pointed at himself, eyes blinking with disbelief. 

“No, to the other Jughead standing behind you” 

He was almost tempted to look. Just to prove that it wasn’t really him she was talking about, that there really was another Jughead there and not him. These thoughts of disbelief were almost crippling him and he had to shake himself from the stupor he was slipping into and remind himself that he knew this girl. He was once her best friend, and no status of popularity would ever change that. 

“Would you please sit down?” she asked him, something so desperate in her voice that it made him fall into the booth right after she had spoken. 

Silence fell over them then, the sort that was buzzing with unsaid words that were trapped behind their lips. She dropped her eyes to her hands, fingers on one of them twisting a ring around and around. Jughead took the time to look at her properly, to study each and every line of her face. 

Her hair was unruly and thrown into a plait that was slung over her shoulder, wind swept wisps of it escaping like flames. Her eyes were red and watery and Jughead could tell she had been crying in the last hour, making his face furrow with care. He hated how he cared so much for someone who didn’t care enough. 

“So why do you want to talk to me?” he felt he needed to ask her. She hadn’t explained why. 

“Because I realised something a while ago, and I never done anything about it” y/n told him, her eyes locking with his in a way that forbade him to look away. 

“And what’s that?” he asked her, crossing his arms on the table top in front of him. 

“That I miss you” 

And with those words months and years fell away, and the world seemed a better place because of them. It was like he was waking up, as if Jughead had been asleep all these years while dreaming up a horrible nightmare where he didn’t have any friends. But y/n was real and she was there in front of him looking at him with those eyes that he could write sonnets about. His mouth opened once, twice, three times before he said anything. 

“I missed you too” 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #56

“no doubt about it, i got a bad, bad girlfriend.”

who was the last male you hung out with?   we didn't really "hang out," but i was around bradley, colleen's husband.  the last male i really did "hang out" with was my friend girt months ago. who is your favorite person to text?   colleen when’s the last time you talked to the person you like?   the last time i talked and he responded, via battle.net because we were both online.  i asked him how school was going and such, despite in his responses it being obvious he didn't want to talk.  last time i "talked" to him without his input in the conversation was when i wrote him a ten-page letter i've yet to mail him. who did you last take a picture with?   colleen, chelsea, and mom. do you and your best friend ever fight?   yes.  we're in a fight now, actually.  we're both very opinionated people and also very different, so. is there someone who can make you laugh no matter what?   fucking jason.  i would be crying and he could still make me laugh. has anyone ever mistaken you for being gay/lesbian/bi?   yes.  more than once.  lmao at the store the other day, colleen ran into her preacher, and i was with her.  it was kinda obvious he thought we were a couple. explain why you last threw up?   had a baaaad stomach bug. ever kissed your best friend's significant other?   definitely not! do you like the person you are becoming?   no.  more than anything, my happiness should NOT be so dependent on a man who doesn't even care about me. do you have anything embarrassing/sexual in your room?   i do not. know anyone who has a pet gecko?   my former best friend summer and my acquaintance caleb. do you like eating soup in the winter?   i don't like soup period. do you like getting jewelry or do you not wear any?   sure! when you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats?   once because a kid my sister knew was stupid as fuck. did/do you get school cancellations because of snow?   dude, we got cancellations if there was a chance of an inch of snow. who knows ALL of your secrets?   jason is the only one, actually.  i've literally told him everything. what does your typical outfit look like?   yoga/sweatpants, graphic tee. did you have a job before you were in college?   no, actually. do you think hunting is wrong? if so, why?   for purely sport, kinda.  just killing for fun doesn't seem right in the slightest?  if you're in a survival situation or if you actually do eat what you kill, sure, hunt. have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now?   not in-depth, no.  it'd be... very hard.  well first off, it'd be impossible for me to get pregnant, but let's just say i somehow did.  i'm pretty sure i wouldn't be a "bad" mom, but an insufficient one.  i'm pretty severely mentally ill and very unstable right now, and a child's malleable mind doesn't need to be exposed to that, especially when it's his/her mother.  i also do not want to bring a child into this world when (s)he wouldn't have a father figure.  fathers are just as important as mothers, imo, and a baby should be raised with both parents.  the last thing a child needs is just a sick mother.  despite the obvious issues though, holy hell would i do everything for that baby. do you have a sensitive gag reflex?   VERY.  i can't even put those things in my mouth at the dentist for when you get x-rays without a massive struggle.  i usually have the get the kid ones. what was the last situation to upset you?   colleen said something very ignorant. have you ever had an online argument?   waaaaay more than one.  i've been around the internet since what, 2007?  i've had plenty. do any of your friends know you fill out surveys?   online friends, sure, real life friends, not on tumblr, no.  i occasionally/very rarely post a survey in facebook notes, so my friends obviously know, but they haven't seen even a microscopic quarter of the surveys i've done.  i'm not entirely... against the idea, but like, i'd only ever maybe admit to colleen i have a survey blog. how do you typically style your hair? does it take long?   no, because it's too thick for me personally to style.  i would kill to have the emo/scene/whatever you call it hair, but my hair just doesn't work with me. when were you last offered something illegal?   never, i think. what are you most confident about? most insecure about?   uhhh.  i mean, i guess my knowledge about meerkats is what i'm most confident about?  most insecure about, my stomach. when are you most likely to say something you don’t mean?   if you bring up jason. where’s the best place to get your favorite dish?   my favorite dish ever is spicy shrimp fritas, which i get from olive garden. can you play guitar hero?   yeah.  i used to play almost everything on expert and sometimes get 100%, but now i play mostly on hard and a select few on expert. if you could move somewhere else, would you?   yeah, closer to the mountains on the western side of the state. how many months until your birthday?   less than one! do you want your tongue pierced?   yes, i want the snake eyes tongue piercing. who was the last person to disappoint you?   colleen are you emotionally strong?   i honestly do not know?  like i tell myself i wouldn't be alive otherwise, but simultaneously, i feel that if i was strong, so many things wouldn't bother me. you think ‘I love you’ are strong words?   they were enough to ruin my life, so. on grand theft auto, do you just kill people or actually do the missions?   i've never played it before, but i think i'd do the missions, since i play games to beat them. have you ever been to australia?   no, but i'd kinda like to to meet my friend shay.  i'm just scared of all the venomous shit they have, especially the spiders. do you watch adult swim?   no.  half the shit on there was immaculately immature the last time i saw it, anyway. do you have a favorite pair of underwear?   i only have one pair because i never wear underwear unless there's an occasion i need to, and they're pink and black and lacy. what is your dad’s occupation?   he's been a mailman for years and actually likes it. have you ever seen a baby snake?   no, actually.  i mean on television and stuff, sure, but not in real life. do you own any band tees?   plenty.  big part of my wardrobe. do you think they really landed on the moon, or it was fake?   i've seen like all the evidence that it may have been faked, and i believe it's a possibility it was, but in general, i believe that we truly did land on the moon, despite some of the oddities. do you feel embarrassed to listen to music you love out loud around other people?   no no no no no!!  that's like, probably the only think about me i'm proud of revealing!! does your shower have a glass screen or a curtain?   curtain when is the last time you sat around a campfire?   years ago in new york. do you have a back-up career choice? what is it?   not really, honestly...  i mean my dream job is to be a meerkat biologist, but i'm not moving to africa, so that just won't happen.  the only thing i want to do is be a photographer. are men more attractive with longer or shorter hair?   i mean, it really depends on the man, but in general, i like longer hair. is there a name that you hear and cringe?   rachel. what was the last computer game you played?   world of warcraft, before my computer decided "hey let's keep restarting."  i was about to get the long-forgotten hippogryph too, and i'm still salty about it. what would you say is your guiltiest pleasure?   world of warcraft, again, and idk why.  like there's nothing to be ashamed of, yet i am.  like even when i get my computer fixed, i'm contemplating just not getting back into it to avoid the feeling of embarrassment. do you let your pets on your furniture?   yes, because they live here??? can you usually tell when someone has feelings for you?   with my history of thinking aaron liked me and believing jason would ask me out, i guess. what is your favorite thing to cook for someone else?   the only thing i can really cook are some yummy scrambled eggs, with hot sauce. have you ever bought underwear simply because it made your underwear drawer look nice?   no? how do you feel about kettle cooked chips?  GROSS would you ever consider visiting texas?   if my former best friend mini would talk to me again, sure.  i'd love to visit her. who was the last person to turn you on?   jason was good at that. what are your views on the death penalty?   it is only for the coldest, hardest criminals where there is no doubt they committed the crime.  some people just don't change and do deserve to die, imo. is the music you listen to 'weird’?   i'm sure some people consider it such. have you ever played an instrument?    i played flute all through middle and high schools are fingerless gloves awesome?   sure, i have some from high school. do you fit any stereotypes?   possibly.  after all, the definition of certain stereotypes vary very slightly from person-to-person.  i guess i fit both geek and emo in some ways. does your best friend have a driver’s license?   yeah. what size drink do you usually get at fast food restaurants?   medium. do you have underwear from victoria’s secret?   i do not. do you want a relationship?   i mean, yeah, i guess.  i'm dangerously lonely and after dating jason, i know how good relationships feel.  but i don't want to rush anything. are you uncomfortable staring into someone’s eyes who you like?   no.  i could stare into jason's forever. who was the first person you talked to today?   via the internet, ummm i think it was shaylee.  in real life, nicole, my little sister. honestly! do you think you’re better than anyone else?   not at all.  god told us we're equal, that's why. do you have any fish as pets?   no.  i'd really like a big saltwater tank, though. when was the last time you slept in your parents' bedroom?   well, my parents have been divorced for years now, and mom doesn't currently have a room, she sleeps on the couch and i sleep in her old room, so i really don't know. do you like channing tatum?   i think he's physically attractive, but that's it. do you have a common first name?   very. who/what is one person/thing that had the biggest impact on your life?   jason. what is the most pointless movie that you have ever seen? did you like it?   "the purge," because the whole basis of the story was just... stupid?  like, WHY to begin with would it ever be legally allowed to purge?  the whole idea was just stupid.  the movie itself was okay in general though. who is the most important person in your life right now?   i'm trying to make it me. have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender as you?   nope. who did you last talk to about the person you love?   mom, i think. who was the last person you sat next to on a bus?   i haven't been on a bus since high school.  but i always sat with jason. do you carry photos in your wallet?   i'm pretty sure i have a picture on nicole somewhere in there. the last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours?   i've never had sex, but the last time i did something sexual, it was probably his bed. is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?   i don't "think" it, i know it. has anyone ever drunk called/texted you?   nope. name two of your favorite colors.   maroon, pink. do you want to get married?   i do. are you afraid of roller coasters?   yes, i am. what colors would you like to have at your wedding?   i've actually considered many combinations.  think i'll wait for my spouse's opinion 'til i really decide. tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?   he was so, so unique.  strange.  different.  maddeningly bizarre.  and, he cared.  he approached me while i was pushing everyone away, and i just couldn't shove him, too.  he wanted to know aaaall about me, and he seemed to like everything he heard...  he backed me into a corner where i couldn't escape him, yet i wasn't afraid.  now i'm damned for it. what was the last reason you cried?   i missed jason. last person to tell you i love you?   my mama what do you think your ex would say about you?   "she's my psycho ex." think of your last kiss….was it cute?   i don't remember my last kiss, because i didn't think it'd be the last.  i was so blissfully ignorant.  i was suspicious that something was wrong with jason, but... i never thought he'd leave.  i mean don't get me wrong, every kiss we had was precious, but it was at the same time just another kiss. have you ever played golf?   i've played putt-putt, but not golf. what was the last tv show you watched an episode of?   probably something at colleen's, idk. do you like beer? if so, what's your favorite brand?   never tried it, but i know it stinks to high heaven. how often do you update your facebook status?   i never update my status unless something quite big happens.  i only ever share funny pictures/posts or stuff i heavily relate to/agree with. do you feel bad when you throw food out?   it's not something i think about all the time, but i do, because i know some people have much less than i. when was the last time you waxed anything on your body, if ever?   months ago when i had my eyebrows done.  i want to go more regularly, it's just a money thing. what is your favorite video game?   "silent hill 2" would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? what would you have done?   i don't think so. do you like shrimp?   eh, usually. have you ever been in a car accident?   i have. who is your favorite superhero?   batman. what is your favorite fruit flavored soda [grape, strawberry, orange, etc]?   strawberry have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed?   pleeeenty of times. would you ever be a stripper?   hell no. your ex is walking next to you, with their new partner, what do you do?   fucking kill her. do you have a hard time letting go?   i probably have a harder time letting go than anybody on the planet. is the last person you kissed a virgin?   nope.  he's had sex with rachel, and i'm sure he's fucked ashley by now.  can't wait 'til he breaks her heart, too. have you ever cried uncontrollably on a boy’s shoulder before?   more than once. how many times have you changed a diaper in your life?   literally only once what do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend?   i'm passionate and loyal as fuck. did you ever go to a mental hospital?   four or five times, the numbers are honestly starting to blur. does your mom/dad smoke?   dad does. how old are you?   i'll be 21 in a few weeks. did an old person ever hit on you?   yes, and it was fucking terrifying. do you believe that weed should be legalized?   no, honestly. do you like apple jacks?   yes! Are you afraid of the dark?   nah. would you say your taste in music is in a very broad spectrum?   no, honestly.  i'm very limited in the type of music i enjoy. are you a moaner, a screamer, or totally silent?   ... i'm going to pretend the fact this is on a survey doesn't bother me and just answer it.  i tend to moan and gasp a lot.  i've wanted to scream before, but haven't. what’s your middle name?   marie have you ever written or received a suicide note?   no, but more than once have i almost written one. ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing?   no. have you ever kissed someone who had a boyfriend/​​​girlfriend?​​​   no, and i wouldn't unless it was jason and he was the one trying to kiss me. ever made out in a pool?   no, but we might as well have that one time. do you have a pool?   no, we had to sell ours for the money. are you an emotional person?   too emotional anybody ever tell you that “you could do so much better” about a person?   literally everyone tells me that?? how many full biological siblings do you have?   full-blooded?  just two. what is something you currently need to buy?
   new tank tops for bed, badly. the last person you kissed asks you to marry him/her. how do you react?   HA.  no.  apologize to me, number one, and fucking prove to me you won't leave again. do you wear hair extensions?
   no, because i don't need them. how old were you when you started puberty?   i have no memory of when i started. if you could have any magical power, what would you have?   shape-shifting, i think. do you believe in love at first site?   absolutely not. let’s say your dad came in your room one day and told you that you had to get married in the next week but you can pick the person but you have to stay with them for the rest of your life no getting out of it, who would you pick?   "no getting out of it" my ass, i'd get out of it.  he can disown my ass, whatever, i don't care.  i take marriage way more seriously than that. if you could be the lead role in any movie, what would it be?   honestly, i'd want to play a person driven crazy by events in her life.  because same fam. when eating something are you more concerned with taste or nutrition?   taste, honestly. what gender do you identify with?   female, because i have a vagina.  yes, i'm conservative about this matter.  fight me m8. are you more of a science or math person?   science, easily. what are your opinions on abortion?   i'm viciously pro-life. if you identify as a girl, would you ever consider getting a pixie cut?   no.  please do not misunderstand this: i have no problem with bigger people, but generally, i find pixie cuts to look bad on bigger women like me. are you a metalhead?   hell to the fuck yeah. do you even listen to metal?   it's like... all i listen to. do you know anybody who is a wiccan or pagan?   i'm pretty sure i know two or three wiccans do you watch supernatural?   i don't anymore, 'cuz it's a ptsd trigger.  it was the first show jason and i binge-watched together.  stopped at the sixth season, i think.  it's a really good show and i love it, i just tried to watch it one day, and i can't without him. what’s your favorite character in your favorite tv show?   i'd say my overall favorite show is "fullmetal alchemist," so hmmm... shit man, i'm having a difficult time remembering all the characters.  i feel like i really liked one of the seven deadly sins, i think it was greed?  no... maybe envy?  envy!  the one i misgendered, lmao.  i really like them. are you diabetic?   i am not, but it runs in the family, so... where is the majority of your family from?   mom's side, new york, dad's side, michigan. last person you slept in the same bed with?   chelsea hate someone, who?   i try so hard not to, but i'm pretty sure the feelings i have towards jason's current girlfriend is hatred. when was your first kiss?   hmmmm.  maybe like, may-ish four years ago? do you carry a purse?   yeah. would you ever name a kid damien?   it's a decent name, but no. bats are not spooky or are they?   no no no, they're so precious!!  especially flying foxes!! do you like listening to new music, or just sticking to your favorites?   both.  depends on the mood. are you one of those people who can eat anything and not gain a pound?   fuck no.  i'm the person who looks at cake and gains 10 pounds. do you like hot dogs?   i do, i just don't think of how they're made. do you watch american horror story?   again, i used to, but don't anymore due to it being a ptsd trigger.  we watched the first season and most of the second together. do you have sensitive teeth?   no would you date someone you had a 16 year age gap with?   NO what is your sexuality?   heterosexual, some asexual traits do you think suits are sexy?   kill me yes fucking christ do you think earrings are attractive or unattractive on guys?   ehhhh, i'm kinda neutral with guys and earrings. would you ever have a threesome with your friend and their bf/gf?   fuck no.  so sorry to offend, but you don't fucking love your significant other if you're comfortable fucking someone else with them.  i'd lecture the heavens out of my friend if they suggested that. have you ever kissed just a friend?   on the cheek, yes. what was the last graduation you attended?   my little sister's have you ever pole danced before?   nope. have you ever broken into someone’s house?   wtf, no. would you ever kiss your best friend’s boyfriend/girlfriend?   no, because i have respect for their relationship and i don't "like" her husband like that. have you ever seen a live bat?   hmmm, i may have at the zoo, but otherwise, i'm not sure!