#and be able to defend our points OR change our minds

[leviathanspain]

Hello!! Would you be able to write a request for finnick? Just like he’s the capitols darling, reader is the capitals hound dog. Known to be fiercely protective and exceptionally violent and brutal. During the third quarter quell, katniss’ group is afraid of reader because they haven’t seen her all match, but they run into her and she defends them brutally against something? Sorry I know it’s specific:) love your writing!

my body is a cage

finnick odair x reader

synopsis: his focus was protecting katniss, but he sleeps with an eye open as long as you’re still out there..

a/n: i made some changes, jus go with it lmao

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“she’s still out there, katniss.” finnick had made this pointedly to katniss, who wanted to go out hunting for the remaining victors with johanna. you were shrouded in mystery, out of all the victors, finnick knew the least about you.

“where would she be?” peeta looked at finnick, who sighed, shrugging, “the arena is different than the arena she won in, i assume somewhere low to the ground-“ finnick sweeped the beach, eye catching on a rustle in the bush, straight across from them, “and close.” he remembered now how you had won your games.

you had tracked all the tributes like prey, manipulating their surroundings to kill them, it had been one of the most invigorating games for the capitol ever. “she’s a bloodhound, probably sniffed us out before we realized.”

johanna watched the area that finnick had saw you, but still offered her commentary, “she’s brutal, katniss.”

katniss looked at them all, surrounded by skilled people yet found herself doubting their abilities, especially her own. none of them were sure they’d win, not against her.

“the careers are the least of our worries with her out there.” peeta noted. finnick looked at him and shrugged, “she might just kill them herself.”

they knew getting back on the island was a bad idea. katniss ducked at the sound of a mysterious voice, feeling as something flew past her head, stabbing cashmere right in the chest.

“get up.” katniss looked up to see you, standing over her. you had an array of weapons on you, and you were reaching for another one. katniss felt the panic in her throat until you launched it at enobaria, who had thrown herself at katniss. “get up!” your voice sounded more frantic and katniss did, struggling from keeping her eyes off of you.

suddenly the island began to spin.

your grip was loosening, and you groaned with slight fear as you felt the cold water thundering against your feet. katniss reached out for you, “grab my hand!” she screamed, but the water trashing drowned her out.

you could see her hand amidst all the water and grabbed it tightly, closing your eyes as the island slowed to a stop.

you sat on the beach, alone as the others argued over you. katniss had defended you, deciding she wanted you as an ally. but finnick and johanna deemed it too risky, “she could kill us all in our sleep, then what?” johanna had made that point as one of your methods, and you inhaled sharply.

finnick glanced at you, noticing the solemn expression on your face. he had known that expression far too many times, and it made him change his mind.

“johanna.” finnick called her name and sighed, “she saved her life. that’s not something we can just ignore, we don’t even know her.”

there was silence between them all, katniss had looked to johanna, watching as she fought internally before giving in. “i’ll go get her, maybe threaten a little.” she stood up, taking her axe with her.

finnick looked to katniss as johanna left, “i’ll keep an eye on her. for you.” he knew that once katniss settled on allies, she settled. her choices weren’t always the best, but somehow it would work itself out.

“why did you save her?” finnick had taken the first watch with you. johanna had convinced him, as just having you as watch would be ‘asking for it’.

you shrugged, “why not.” there hadn’t been much decision making on the island. it was either her or cashmere, and you didn’t see much of a choice.

finnick looked at you, “i don’t believe that.” his eyes slid themselves back to stare at the beach and you scoffed, “and why is that?”

finnick shrugged, “no one would just randomly save someone without an ulterior motive.” he said it like a fact and you smirked, “do you have one?”

“have one what?” he looked confused, obvious by the furrow in his brow.

“do you have an ulterior motive?” you repeated the full length question and watched as finnick practically whipped his head around.

“no.” he stated plainly, and you rolled your eyes, “i saw you saved katniss, similiar to how i did. you and johanna can’t just be doing this,” you glanced back to katniss and peeta sleeping, “for nothing. whatever it is, finnick, is an ulterior motive.” finnick pursed his lips, almost as if he couldn’t believe it.

“i’ll let you have yours if you let me have mine.” you finished, catching his gaze. finnick knew there were layers to you. you were different than most victors, your brutality is what made you like the rest of them, the willingness to kill. but you were turning out to be way more than what meets the eye. whatever your motive was, finnick sensed it wasn’t malice.

finnick settled to watch the sun rise upon your face, ending the conversation with a nod.

finnick watched as you sat by the beach. it had been post jabberjays, you, him and katniss had all been trapped with the birds, fluttering and screaming your names. now it seemed, like you had decided to decompress by the beach, just as he was going to.

he piled up next to you, close but far enough to give you a good amount of space.

it was then that finnick realized you had been crying, tears evident on your cheeks. he had heard katniss yell her sister’s name, and he had heard annie. you had just screamed in response, as if you were trying to drown out the birds with your own voice.

“i’m sorry.” you apologized to finnick, wiping your eyes as he settled down. you sniffled, watching as the waves moved.

“don’t apologize, there’s no need.” finnick spoke, “who did you hear?”

there was silence for a moment, until you spoke, “my best friend.” your mind shuddered back the sound of his screams and you laughed, painfully. “he’s been dead for years. i killed him.” you admitted, “he died because of a mistake i had made during the games.”

your mind flashed back to the games, where you had accidentally launched a knife to his chest, thinking it had been another tribute.

“he had spent all of his games searching for me. and once he found me, i had killed him.” it was cruel for him to be your district partner, for only one would survive, but you “never thought it would be me.” you glanced at finnick, who had been listening.

“it was supposed to be him.” you cried, “i killed everyone else to get to him, and when it was down to four, was when he came to get me.” you shook your head, “there is nothing in this world that i loved more than him, finnick. now that he’s gone, there’s nothing left for me.”

finnick shook his head, “stop. you know that’s not true.” he tried to comfort you, your words mirroring his own thoughts.

“that’s my motive, finnick.” you revealed, “my body is a cage, and i can’t stand to live in it much longer.”

johanna had woken up abruptly. she clutched onto her weapon, eyes glancing around before she settled on the two figures on the beach. she squinted and made out finnick’s hair, and you. the only two missing from the group. you had your head leaned on finnick’s shoulder, as the two of you watched the rising sun.

[felassan]

New today from IGN: 'Dragon Age: The Veilguard's Devs Reveal New Info About Each of the Companions (and Solas and Varric, Too)'

It turns out The Veilguard really is the friends we made along the way.

Intro:

"Friendships, romantic relationships, and everything in between have always been an integral part of not just the Dragon Age series, but of BioWare in general. From Mass Effect’s Garrus Vakarian to Dragon Age’s Varric Tethras, the characters – and how they get along with the player – are inseparable from titles from the studio. But, perhaps more than any other BioWare game, Dragon Age: The Veilguard is leaning in heavily on this idea, as it’s already easy to see from the marketing material. For one, the name changed from Dragon Age: Dreadwolf back in June, with BioWare general manager Gary McKay telling us at the time that it was out of a desire to shift the focus to a “really deep and compelling group of companions.” That would be followed by a first official trailer at Summer Game Fest that put the focus squarely on seven new companions that will be tagging along with the player character, Rook, in The Veilguard. With all that in mind, it’s little surprise to hear game director Corinne Busche talk about how these companions aren’t just central to the story of The Veilguard, but the gameplay and combat as well. “Building a relationship with companions has always been a staple of Dragon Age, but this time around, that relationship translates into how well you work together as a team,” Busche tells IGN. “It is how you're actually going to level up your companions, by getting to know them better. That's how you're going to unlock skill points. So when you look at all of the various abilities the companions have, there's inherent combos and synergies and roles that they'll have on the battlefield.” She uses the example of Neve, the mysterious detective mage who has a wildly useful special ability to slow time in combat. “But if I really get the opportunity to know her,” Busche explains, “whether it's platonic or romantic, I'm going to help be able to shape her skills and augment those abilities that work really well with my own personal build, so our sense of teamwork really deepens.” During our time with the game, IGN got to see some of this in action; unsurprisingly, Dragon Age: The Veilguard has an approval/disapproval system, with pop-up text on the side of the screen indicating whether or not a companion liked what Rook just did or said. But something new in this Dragon Age: even just completing a quest with a companion in your party increases your “bond” with them, whether they agree with how you handled things or not. Your relationship, Busche says, isn’t necessarily about “how much they like you, but how well you get to know them.” “This is about a found family,” Busche tells us. “That is, they have the same goals, different complications in their life, but they're all giving everything they have to defend Thedas. You're going to get to know them really well. You're going to develop trust, understanding. That doesn't mean you're always going to agree.” But, we’ll have plenty more to say about the game systems and combat later. With Busche, we had the opportunity to really dive into the seven companions at the center of The Veilguard and what they’re all about. Here’s what she had to say about each one:"

"DAVRIN Busche: “When we were thinking about Davrin, how we were going to develop him as a character, we had to think about, 'How is he going to show up on the battlefield?' And it was unique because he has this, I guess you could say, companion of his own, the griffon Assan. That makes him, as a companion, very unique, because Assan shows up on the battlefield. So we had to think about how that integrates into his abilities, where Davrin as a Grey Warden is capable on his own, but also, when does he call upon Assan and what does that look like? What happens if you're indoors?... And indeed, when you're doing some of Davrin's content, just seeing Assan gliding through the environments, you really get a sense that they care and they're protective about each other. “…When we think about Davrin and his being the representative of the Grey Wardens within the team of The Veilguard, it was an opportunity for us to really go back to some of those roots that we know our fans, our players, deeply care about. Dragon Age: Origins, of course, was so Grey Warden-forward. We want to evoke those memories, those connections that our players have. And I absolutely love when you're journeying with Davrin, not only his aesthetic, how he carries himself as a Warden, but how he interacts with his fellow Wardens. The little wrinkle of, 'Hey, there actually are some griffons remaining in Thedas,' how he learns as a Warden to train and interact with these griffons that, to our knowledge, haven't existed for quite some time, it's a learning experience on a lost art of the Grey Wardens that is really unique to Davrin's character.”"

"HARDING Busche: “To talk about Harding as a companion, I guess I'd have to go back to Inquisition. Of course, Harding showed up. She was your scout on the field. There was a light romance with her, and I think one of the things that the team didn't quite expect is how much Harding would catch on in Inquisition. Players fell in love with her, and we heard them. They wanted a deeper romance, they wanted more engagement with Harding. So for the team, I felt like it was kind of a no-brainer for us to bring back Harding, and we also wanted to reestablish that connection to the Inquisition in the world of Thedas, which occurred 10 years ago, the events of Inquisition. “Harding serves as our proxy back to those events, and you get to learn about what's happened with the Inquisition since, so she presents some really lovely opportunities for us. I will say, personality-wise and her role on the battlefield, she is among my favorites. When you see her leap into the air, unleashing these devastating attacks with her bow and arrow, I just can't get enough of her.”"

"TAASH Busche: “Taash, in the creation of their arc, is one of our more complex characters. It's a journey along their arc that is about introspection. 'Where do I belong in the world? What are my boundaries? What do I fight for? How do I become at peace with who I am?' So I love the juxtaposition, actually, between Taash's personal journey and this imposing literal dragon slayer, that sort of hard exterior and really gentle interior. It makes Taash a really special companion for me.” (When asked which companion had the steamiest romance): “I'll just speak for me personally, but at the culmination of the romance arcs, I'd have to say Taash. When I got to that scene and saw the finished version of that cinematic, I was hollering. Hollering.”"

"EMMRICH Busche: “The thing about Emmrich that is going to surprise our fans the most is his relationship with necromancy. I really love that we kind of turned the idea of a necromancer on its head here, where you think of them as these conjurers of evil, the certain malice when you hear the term 'necromancer,' but it couldn't be farther from the truth for Emmrich. There is a reverence about the dead. He has a unique relationship with death. You get to explore how he ended up in the Mourn Watch. Death has shaped this character in all aspects of his life, and we frequently refer to him as our gentleman necromancer. I think his proper, kind nature stems from that respect that he's learned about this cycle of life and death throughout his life. “Manfred is like a son to Emmrich. He very much has an affinity for this wisp, this life force that he's given a second chance through this skeletal body, and in many ways, it's the story of a parent raising a child. Emmrich, he needs to teach Manfred and help him along to develop as a character of their own, things like learning new skills, how to assist The Veilguard. Some of our most charming moments are in dealing with Manfred, and I must say I absolutely love the interactions. They just have me rolling whenever Manfred steals the show. “…In my last playthrough, I romanced Emmrich. What I also loved is as I'm synergizing with him as we're doing combos, just having him refer to me as ‘my dear’ on the battlefield. ‘Well done, my dear!’ It just fills me with joy every time.”"

"LUCANIS Busche: “The character that went through the most changes [throughout development] without a doubt was Lucanis. Lucanis is very complex. He's an assassin. He is very skilled in the art of death. The Antivan Crows, they pursue these contracts with a certain level of dispassion, but also, Lucanis is a romantic, and he's dealing with some internal struggles. He's been through a lot of trauma. He's relearning how to trust. And all of those elements come together with a richness, but it creates a lot of complexity in how we tell that story. So I'd say Lucanis is the first one that comes to my mind in terms of the thought that's gone into it, where we've had to make adjustments to really cover all facets of his character.”"

"NEVE Busche: “Neve is our confident noir detective. I love to bring her onto the battlefield because she's just so incredibly capable. She's our ice mage, so really big on controlling the battlefield, and that's actually a good metaphor to her arc. She wants to fight for change. She wants to fight for a better Minrathous, and she's going to use all the tools at her disposal to try and reshape Minrathous into a better place for all. She's very much a Shadow Dragon. This is among the mantra of the Shadow Dragons. They operate from the shadows, fighting for a better Minrathous. So as this accomplished ice mage, she's fierce. She's not going to shy away from any challenge, whether it's taking down darkspawn or dealing with the Magisterium in Minrathous.”"

"BELLARA Busche: “Oh, my dear, sweet Bellara. I relate to Bellara a lot. She is joyous. She's been through a lot, but she remains curious, optimistic. She's kind of a geek. She really likes her fiction. She fangirls over Neve a little bit. She's just so relatable, and I think that's what our players will find and fall in love with when they get to meet Bellara, is just how much you'll recognize some of those patterns and sensibilities that she holds, but don't let it fool you. She is also a Veil Jumper. She's very comfortable in elven ruins. I frequently bring her with me in my party. I like to play rogue. I like to play the Veil Jumper, or the Veil Ranger. Bellara's a fantastic companion to set up that spec with electric vulnerabilities, so I love her both on and off the battlefield.”"

Bonus rounds:

"SOLAS Okay okay, so Solas isn’t technically one of your core companions who will travel with you, but given his place in the Dragon Age story, we still had to ask about his relationship with Rook. Here’s what Busche had to say: Busche: “Rook's relationship with Solas is a complicated one. Everyone has seen, at this point, the gameplay reveal and the opening moments of the game, so you'll know things got shaken up pretty radically for Solas already. He's trapped. He's basically communicating with you as an advisor, and I absolutely love that idea of, ‘He's your lifeline right now, but can you trust him?’ And those touch points with him, ‘Do I take his advice or not? Can he be trusted? Is he going to betray me?’ All the while giving you this information that you absolutely need in order to be successful. “It creates an interesting stage for us, where, I think our fans will agree, Solas is very complicated. He firmly believes he's doing the right thing, and some of our fans will agree that he's trying to do the right thing. Others will not, and this creates a stage for you, the player, where you get to lean into those tendencies of your own as you're taking advice from Solas throughout parts of the game. I think those really interesting debates about, ‘Was he ever redeemable? Can he be trusted? Was he wrong all along?’ You're really going to be able to dive in deep on that.”"

"VARRIC Varric, while a part of Dragon Age: The Veilguard and a series mainstay, isn’t part of your core companions either. But, as fans can see in the trailers, he’s still very much in The Veilguard, so we asked Dragon Age creative director John Epler about how he’s changed since we last saw him in Inquisition: Epler: “Since the events of Dragon Age: Inquisition, he has spent the time, just briefly, obviously, [serving as] Viscount of Kirkwall. I mean, anybody who knows much about Varric knows how well a job where he sits around and tells people what to do is going to sit with him. He has been participating in the hunt for Solas. And I think for Varric in particular, that's a very difficult thing for him to do because Solas is his friend. Solas is somebody that he grew close to over the events of Inquisition. They adventure together, they work together. “And now knowing who Solas really is, that eats at Varric. Because Varric always sees, Varric believes he can always make somebody do the right thing. Varric believes he is the most convincing, charismatic, because he cares about people. And he has this belief that as long as I get a chance to talk to Solas, I'm going to be able to turn him. But as he's seeing what Solas' ritual is doing to the world around him, as he experienced in the comics, Dragon Age: The Missing, that eats at him a little bit. That's challenging his world view of him as always being the best judge of people, being able to see that somebody is able to be redeemed. And he's starting to question a little bit, ‘am I right or am I being a fool by believing in Solas?’ ”"

[source]

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Hey Writers of ATSV, STOP letting White Men off the hook and expecting me to clap.

The fact that Miguel is repeated dehumanized and called an animal even prior to him snapping but George Stacy's scenes are written completely sympathetic towards him -

It doesn't sit right with me. Look at this:

They call Miguel an animal in the opening scenes.

At this point, he's not a threat to anyone but Vulture. In this scene, Miguel is doing exactly what he's supposed to do as Spider-man.

He gets called an animal.

Two pages later it's literal George Stacy holding a gun to his daughters face, and yet it's written completely, 100% sympathetic towards him AND ONLY HIM.

Which like..... Girl... Let me adjust my spectacles because I cannot be reading this right.

He's pointing a loaded gun at his daughter. Gwen is undoubtedly more scared than she's even been in her entire life.

She's confused and desperate, one of our main characters is going through a traumatic event.

The script though? It only cares about George and how he was 'betrayed by his little girl'

As if Gwen isn't her own person.

As if Gwen didn't just save dozens of lives. In a situation where the police could do nothing.

Had Gwen not been there, the police would not have been able to handle Vulture. The threat is subdued - yet he still persists.

It doesn't matter that she just saved multiple lives. It doesn't matter that she's not a threat - or that she's his literal daughter.

What matters is how hard this is for the adult white man with the lethal weapon in his hands.

The scene SHOULD be written from Gwen's point of view. SHE'S the victim.

But no, the white male cop is going through it due to his own emotional incompetency so let's focus on that while calling Miguel an evil animal.

In ATSV both George AND Peter - the two white men in the movie - let Gwen down. They either put her in danger or do nothing as they watch.

George points a gun at her. Peter watches Miguel as he physically assaults Gwen and puts her in the machine, exiling her into homelessness.

Then, he gets to go home to his wife and kids, not even mention to MJ that Gwen and Miles were both assaulted and are now missing. And instead he whines about how he's 'not good at this mentor stuff'.

In ATSV the White Male characters repeatedly fail the people around them with no consequences at all - even from a lot of the audience.

And yeah - Peter Parker is completely neglectful.

To the point it's not okay whatsoever.

I've seen MULTIPLE people say that 'Peter is justified in not helping Gwen during the Go-Home scene. Because Miguel was obviously violent and he's probably scared of him plus he was holding MayDay.'

Which is an excuse that ignores the fact that it's pitiful that GWEN a teenage girl facing homelessness - who is likely weaker than both Peter and Miguel - is more willing to stand up to Miguel than PETER PARKER.

It ignores the fact Miguel would NOT attack a fucking baby. He's a FATHER.

But it's easier to assume the Latino man is a raging, angry, baby killer than to admit the white man is committing neglect.

It baffles me that people will really defend Peter saying 'he was scared - he didn't know what Miguel would do-'

Neither did Gwen. But she still did it.

Because she's a GOOD GUY. Because it mattered to her. Because the people she cared about were getting hurt.

She stood up to Miguel in the face of literal danger and homelessness.

Peter had nothing to lose. He make a joke and shut up when he was told.

Once again: If Gwen and Hobie hadn't come for Peter, we have NO IDEA how long he would've stayed with Miguel. We are given NO INDICATION prior to Gwen's arrival that Peter is actively going to change sides. Or is even really considering it in that moment.

Even in the script Peter shows no remorse or worry for Gwen or Miles at all.

It's as if they don't cross his mind. As if he doesn't care he led Miguel directly to Miles because he forgot he had on a tracking watch. As if what he just witnessed didn't disturb him, as if he isn't worried that Gwen is literally homeless.

All he cares about is him, and his image as mentor.

Like sir, I do not give a DAMN. I might not even give a fuck, if you will.

Shut the fuck up about that mentorship shit 😭😭😭😭 You tryna mentor niggas that's MISSING.

He's like that deadbeat dad that brought you a bike a decade ago at 6 and he still bringing it up asking you why you don't call him 'dad'. Like just because you taught Miles to swing over a year ago doesn't mean you're his mentor mfer. Miles would've learned to swing anyway cause it's literally instinctual and every person bitten eventually learns it by themselves so really Peter wtf 😐

People will scream 'But there's nothing he could do!! Miguel is too scary!!'

One: Peter is one of if not the Spider-person with the most experience. If we assume he was bitten at 18 and he's say 45 now, that's still over 25 years of experience. If he was bitten in high school, that's even more experience.

He has biological powers Miguel doesn't, plus he has years of experience over Miguel - who canonically got his powers as an adult. If anyone in that room can beat Miguel - it's him.

If you're telling me that Peter B. Parker is not only scared of Miguel but he's scared to the point he will not even attempt to question him, even though three people younger than him will - Gwen, Hobie, and Miles - that's pitiful. That's a sad excuse for a Spider-man.

Also He's Spider-Man. The whole point of Spider-man is he fights even if he isn't sure he can win.

Two: At the very least, he can show that he's genuinely concerned for the kids he wants to mentor so bad. But he doesn't even do that. Even bringing them up or saying their names doesn't cross his mind.

But once again, the white male character emotionally neglecting those around him - especially the children who depend on him - and both he are George are either shown as innocent, unwilling to act, or the script is outright sympathetic towards them.

It's easy to call the Latino man an animal but writing a scene in which a white cop is rightfully portrayed as selfish is too hard.

It's easy to call the Latino man a monster but writing Peter Parker as a heroic figure is too hard.

The racism is not just towards Miguel. It's also in the blatant favoritism the white male characters are given.

Both George and Peter actively endanger those around them and at no point do they do something on their own accord that helps anybody but themselves.

Gwen has to go to her father - by force. Gwen has to go to Peter - using Hobie's hard work.

What we NOT GONNA DO is give the white man praise when it's literally the black guy who did all the work.

Fuck - Hobie mentored Gwen TEN TIMES MORE than Peter ever did Miles. Hobie put a roof over Gwen's head and came to get her when no other person would.

Writers, stop trying to make me sympathetic towards the white men who actively hurt the people around them when there's good mentors like Hobie and good parents like Rio and Jeff.

I ain't with the shits'. If anyone is an animal in this script, it's the man who pointed a gun at his daughter.

I guess assaulting and mentally scaring children is only okay if you do it with a firearm? Or if you make this face while doing it 🥺*

(*coupon not available for the melinated)

I changed my mind i don't forgive Peter or George. Miguel who has a whole ass arc of life and death and loss gets called an animal while the white cop with six minutes of screentime gets shown as father of the year while holding a loaded gun to a child girl you must be kidding me

Maybe Gwen would be in a better mood if we let her kick their asses idk 🤷🏾

[lady-griffin]

Small Parallel I love with Knives Out and Glass Onion

Neither Harlan Thrombey nor Andi Brand are good people. They’re not. They’re also not evil people to be clear, but again, they’re not really good people.

By the kind of people his family and especially his children are, we get a sense of who Harlan is or largely was in his life, especially with the comment that there is so much of him in Ransom.

Andi was also clearly more than okay with both Birdie and Duke as not just acquaintances but close friends; as well as what other nonsense came out of Miles before “Klear,” and she was his business partner and friend.

She wasn’t some moral beacon of wholesomeness.

Her standard of good was – 

Let’s not put this very dangerous and unstable thing that hasn’t even come close to being properly tested out into the world, especially not under our company’s name; because we are not some daring startup company anymore, we’re an established conglomerate and this could easily sink us.

That’s not exactly a high bar of morality.

And that’s okay.

Really it is.

I like how neither movie truly idolizes Harlan or Andi to the point they are made out to be truly good people, BUT yet, we still see why Marta and Helen clearly loved and cared about these two and why their deaths matter.

Marta and Helen are our truly good souls for these movies. 

The two main groups of people - The Thrombeys and The Disruptors - are all various shades of the same kind of bad person for each movie.

The Thrombeys are all willing to live off Harlan’s hard work and they all believe they are entitled to his fortune because it’s their family right. It’s theirs. And once you peel back the layers of liberal or conservative, they’re all the same, because they’re all a bit more than willing to defend what they think is theirs, with knives out and teeth bared.

The Disruptors are somehow even more reliant on Miles than the Thrombeys were on Harlan (which is saying something); and they will cling onto him until they see his boat is doomed to sink. They literally know he killed two people; two of their so-called “friends” and they’re not willing to do anything. At least, not until Miles is truly fucked. 

They all care more about their own survival and ambitions than doing the right thing. And once more, when you peel back the layers of liberal or conservative, we once again see they’re all the same, they’re all more than willing to lie for a lie and stab a “friend” in the back.

But Harlan and Andi are our mixed bags of morality.

This is clear enough with the two types of people they are associated with.

The Thrombey Family and Marta.

The Disruptors and Helen. 

They’re kind of like an optical illusion, it really depends on how you look at them and what you see when it comes to their own morality. 

However, they do have two traits that I think redeem them for the audience, or at the very least make them more admirable to us.

They are genuinely self-made people.

Harlan was a brilliant murder mystery writer. He was. And he did build this publishing/franchise empire of his.

Andi was a brilliant mind who dabbled in many different things, but her real talent (as I saw it) was being able to spot a certain something-something in people. She saw the doers in the world, even when they weren’t quite there yet, she saw their potential to be the kind of person who others would notice and remember.

They were also both willing to stand by their values and once they made a decision, they would not be bullied into changing it. 

Harlan decided to cut off his family and was sticking by that. 

Andi decided to walk away from Miles and was sticking by that.

And I don’t know, I just like that little bit of extra moral complexity these two characters bring to these movies.

Oh, and Benoit Blanc is a good person, but he definitely isn’t governed by what the law or society says is good. He’s an eccentric who’s here for a good time, a fun and challenging mystery, and is more than willing to help out the good souls in the world when he gets the opportunity.

[project-sonadow]

My [15M] rival [15/50M] has been weirdly aggressive towards me ever since he lost his memories for the second(?) time. Should I be worried about him trying to kill me again?

Summary

A post on r/relationship_advice by u/Chili_Dog1991

EDIT 1: Stop saying I'm Sonic I'm not.

EDIT 2: Okay I am Sonic. I don't see how that matters.

EDIT 3: Stop trying to figure out which of my rivals this is.

EDIT 4: Stop telling me to contact the police about his attempts to murder me or his age. It's complicated in regards to his age but he's essentially 15 and I can already defend myself way better than the police can in regards to his murder attempts. Also the police would probably try to arrest me too because they're either useless or make things actively worse.

EDIT 5: Stop DMing me to ask how murder attempts can be fun. I shouldn't have to explain this.

EDIT 6: Stop implying I'm a masochist.

EDIT 7: Stop implying I'm an adrenaline junkie. If I just wanted adrenaline I've got tons of other people who could give me that.

EDIT 8: To everyone who actually responded with advice, thank you. I attempted to talk to him about it, we fought again, and it turns out he's been acting aggressive because he doesn't know how to show affection so he just defaults to violence. We ended up holding hands after we physically couldn't fight anymore. It was a great night and I think we're together now.

EDIT 9: Which of you motherfuckers sent this to Tails.

ORIGINAL POST

Hi everyone, using a throwaway account to make this post because my little brother knows my main and the embarrassment would kill me if he ever saw this. 

So for context, I've known this guy for a while now, at least in the context of my life. I've got a pretty hectic life and I'm a traveler, so I've met a lot of people and he's one of the few that's been able to keep up with me. Our first meeting was during a bit of a stressful time because he kind of inadvertently framed me for thievery (we look kinda alike and the police are stupid, it's not his fault but I was pretty pissed at the time) and got me arrested, so we ended up fighting about it in the middle of the street. I'm used to fighting and pretty good at it, so it was a surprise when he turned out to be basically my equal at it, which is pretty rare even among my other rivals. He got the upper hand on me for long enough that the police were able to arrest me again. I was pretty mad but also impressed. Our second meeting was even more stressful because I had just got out of jail after being arrested for the second time, and I was still angry about it so we fought again. I was about to win but then it turned out we were both in danger along with some friends of mine so we both left as fast as we could. Both of these times I could tell he was taking the fight seriously, but I could also tell he wasn't trying to KILL ME kill me. Y'know?

Anyway, in our next meeting he was definitely trying to kill me. Outright said it to my face. I won that fight thankfully, and I'm not even angry about it because a lot of people have tried to kill me over the years and also he has some kind of goal I was getting in the way of, and he didn't even succeed. He ended up changing his mind about that goal though, and when we next saw each other we were on the same side trying to deal with a mutual threat. 

And it was at that point I kind of realized I was in love. I've never really wanted a relationship because I thought it would get in the way of my lifestyle, but with this guy specifically it wouldn't be a problem. I would have told him about it, but then I thought he died and I didn't see him for a while. I wasn't too broken up about it because we only knew each other for a couple days, but I was still sadder than I thought I would have been.

He ended up coming back to life though, and he had lost his memories for the second time in his life (long story I'm not gonna get into) and he didn't really remember me anymore. I know from a mutual friend of ours that he remembered me well enough to be annoyed by my name, which made me irrationally happy, and I think he did end up getting his memories back, but when we first saw each other he definitely didn't know who I was. We fought again, it was a tie, and then we ended up teaming up to take down a mutual enemy again. 

Things have been a bit less chaotic since then. We've fought a couple more times but nothing serious, he's saved my life, I've saved his, you know how it goes. We haven't really talked about anything that happened, but that's fine because neither of us have ever been much for verbal communication and we understand each other just fine. I've tried getting over my crush on him, but that's never really worked because we see each other a lot due to our lifestyles and we have some mutual friends in common, and I like spending time with him anyways, even if we're just beating each other up most of the time.

Personality wise, he's basically my polar opposite, but we get on pretty well despite that. I think aside from my general attraction to danger and his ability to match me in a fight and a race that might be the main thing that draws me to him. I've got a lot of friends, but never one so different from me and yet so similar. He's just always been special to me.

But the main reason I'm making this post is because despite all we've been through, he still acts like we're enemies at worst and temporary allies at best. We fight almost every time we meet unless something less serious is going on, and he's pretty grumpy and mean to me all the time. I like this about him, but it does make me question if he even sees me as anything more than a rival, and I don't know how to ask him because we don't talk about weird emotional stuff. I also think that asking him directly could maybe lead to another murder attempt, which would be fun, but it's not what I'm looking for anymore. I don't mind all the fighting, but just once I'd like to kiss him on the mouth instead of punching his teeth in, y'know?

[tortillamastersblog]

♕ No Matter What - Part 5 | Lena Luthor ♕

Pairing: Lena Luthor x reader

Warnings: none, just some tooth rotting fluff

Summary: Something has shifted in your relationship with Lena and as time goes on, you realize that you might think of her as more than just your boss.

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist

________________________________________________

It’s Saturday night and instead of watching a movie on my couch like I used to, I’m trailing behind Lena while she mingles with the people of her charity event.

This morning when I woke up she was already in the kitchen, making breakfast. It was oddly domestic, but I can’t say I minded.

We ate in silence, stealing glances at each other before our peace was disrupted by a fuming Sam.

She stormed into the apartment and yelled at me for not calling her, saying she’d been worried sick all night. Then, before I could apologize she rushed over to hug me.

Lena watched with mild amusement and, as gentle as possible, filled Sam in on what happened. That didn’t help at all though and in the end it opened a whole new can of worms with Sam scolding me for losing control and being reckless.

It got so bad that Lena had to step in at some point because I couldn’t get a word in. Sam apologized, and I did too for not calling her before we all settled down and finished eating.

After that I thanked Lena for letting me stay and rushed home to shower and change before returning to her apartment so I could accompany her to work.

Other than this morning, she hasn’t brought up last night and I’m extremely grateful. I know she would never judge me for what happened, just like Sam, but I’m not ready to share that part of me. For now, at least.

“Y/N?” A gentle touch on my forearm brings me back to reality. I look down to find Lena looking up at me with curiosity. “Everything alright?”

Her touch makes my stomach flip and I gulp, trying to mask my nervousness by saying, “Just peachy.”

Lena smiles and squeezes my arm teasingly. “Come on, be honest. You can admit you’re bored.

Bored? I’m anything but that. All night I’ve been able to watch her in her black off-shoulder dress without having to worry about looking like a creep.

I almost scoff, but realizing that that might come off as rude I say, “I promise you, Ms. Luthor, I’m not bored. This event is amazing and your speech earlier was very inspiring.”

Lena’s smile turns bashful and she ducks her head shyly. “Well, if you say so… Thank you.”

I bow playfully. “You’re welcome.”

Just then, Sam and a man whom I recognize from one of the board meetings approach us.

The man whisks Lena onto the dance floor and I turn to keep an eye on her. Sam joins my side and watches the people waltzing around before nudging me.

“Soooo, what was that?” she asks, her voice taking on a sing-song quality.

I tear my eyes away from Lena for a moment to shoot Sam a questioning look.

She raises her eyebrow expectantly and cocks her head in the direction of the dance floor. “You and Lena,” she prompts.

My ears start tingling and I square my shoulders nervously. “What about us?”

“She was touching your arm,” Sam says with a smirk. “And you didn’t pull away.”

“I—“ I snap my mouth shut because Sam’s got me cornered. She knows I hate people touching me and the fact that I let Lena do it speaks volumes. “Well, she’s my boss and I can’t just shove her off me, now can I?” I defend but I know it’s a weak excuse.

“No, not really,” Sam muses and I know she’s not buying it. When she adds, “You’d make a cute couple,” my jaw drops and I dig my elbow into her side.

“Oh my God, shut up!” I hiss through gritted teeth, looking around nervously to check if someone is listening to our conversation. Luckily no one seems to be interested though, so I quickly turn back to her. “You can’t just say something like that.”

Laughing, she takes a swig of her champagne. “Oh, relax. We’re all adults here and I know for a fact that Lena’s been single for quite some time now and the way she was looking at you—“

My eyes widen in horror and I slap a hand over Sam’s mouth. She licks my palm in retaliation and I pull back with a grimace. “Ew!”

“Oh shut up.” She chuckles and punches my shoulder. Then, her expression turns a little more serious and she says, “I mean it, Y/N. Just think about it…”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I turn my attention back to the dance floor with a sigh.

Almost all the guests are gone and I stand back patiently as Lena bids the rest of them goodbye. Sam left a while ago to relieve Alex from her babysitting duties.

Kara who was here for CatCo earlier left as well after exchanging some pleasantries and getting a few pictures of the event.

Once the last guest exits the venue, Lena returns to my side. “We can go home in just a second, I just have to get my stuff.”

I nod and let her lead the way. The venue is a beautiful French Chateau with lavish gardens and I almost got lost looking for the bathroom earlier.

Lena left her stuff in one of the vintage studies, so when we get there she gathers everything, ready to leave.

However, before we get to the door she stops and looks at me with a twinkle in her eyes. “I just remembered you didn’t dance with anyone tonight. Why is that?”

I raise my eyebrows in surprise and smile. “It’s not exactly in my job description, Ms. Luthor.“

Lena counters playfully. “Or you just don’t know how to do it and wanted to avoid making a fool of yourself.”

I scoff and cross my arms, letting my eyes show my amusement. “I can dance just fine, thank you very much.”

Lena drops her things on the plush sofa and holds out her hand with a challenging raise of her eyebrow. “Prove it.”

I huff and can’t help the way my stomach flips at the prospect of dancing with her. I eye her for a moment, debating my next move.

Just think about it…

Sam’s voice rings in my ears and I decide now is the perfect opportunity to test my ever growing feelings for the young CEO.

I take Lena’s hand and lead her onto the balcony to escape the musty air of the study. She’s surprised by the change in location, but doesn’t comment on it as we both admire the view of the garden for a moment.

The big fountain in the middle of the lawn is lit up in the dark, making the water sparkle as it rains down in tiny droplets.

There are also some lit lanterns along the gravel paths, but otherwise everything is dark. It’s as though the person who designed this place didn’t want to distract from the starry night sky above us.

Out here, away from the city, there’s no light pollution that prevents you from seeing each constellation clearly, and the sight is so mesmerizing, that I momentarily forget why I stepped outside in the first place.

That is until Lena clears her throat softly, effectively snapping me out of my haze. “Sorry.“

She smiles and tilts her head adorably, her eyes not leaving my face. I instantly get nervous under her gaze and try to mask it by stepping closer and saying, “May I have this dance, M’lady?”

I preform an exaggerated bow which makes her giggle. She accepts the invitation with a grin and I raise her hand to place a theatrical kiss to her knuckles.

Before I can get into position though, her hands travel up my arms and slide beneath the fabric of my jacket. She pushes it off my shoulders and I understand what she wants, so I take it off, albeit a little confused.

I’m about to ask why that was necessary when her fingers make quick work of the buckle on my leather shoulder holster that holds my service weapon.

“Now you’re officially off duty,” she says, draping my jacket and holster over the balcony’s stone railing before returning into my space.

She pulls me infinitely closer and guides my one hand around her waist, taking my other into her own. Her perfume clouds my senses and the warmth of her body so close to mine is making me swoon on the inside.

“I’m never really off duty,” I manage to get out without stuttering. “If you ever need me, I’ll be there.”

It could just be the low light, but I’m almost certain Lena’s pupils dilate ever so slightly. It’s a sight that makes me want to rush forward and kiss her, but in the end I don’t do it.

She’s still your boss! I remind myself and that wipes the idea from my mind entirely. Kissing her out of nowhere would be a sure way to get myself fired. That being said, should there ever be something between us she has to be the one to initiate it.

Lena doesn’t say anything. Her green eyes just bore into mine, so I smile shyly and ask, “Ready?”

She nods almost imperceptibly and I start moving, guiding her around the spacious balcony in a slow waltz. It’s been a long time since I danced like this, but it’s all coming back to me like riding a bike.

There’s no music playing, but it doesn’t matter. We’re in our own world, only focusing on each other while our bodies move effortlessly together.

“Well, it’s seems like you weren’t lying after all,” Lena whispers, her breath hitting my face.

“Huh?” I slow us down so we’re only swaying in place.

Lena’s lip twitches and the hand she has on my shoulder moves toward the back of my neck. “You can dance.”

I briefly close my eyes at the touch and tighten my grip on her waist. “I told you.”

“Mhmm,” Lena hums and we continue to sway in silence. A chilly autumn breeze dances around us and because it borders on cold, she draws closer.

Unlike earlier though, it doesn’t make me nervous. It’s calming and I feel my shoulders relax as Lena’s head settles on my shoulder.

I’ve never danced like this with anyone and for the first time in my life I regret not having had a serious relationship before. I’ve had a couple flings here and there, yes, but, like I said, it was never serious. But even those stopped happening when Noah died.

Now that I’m actually this close to someone, I realize how touch starved I’ve been. And no, Sam’s hugs and cuddles don’t count. I’m talking about romantic affection.

Another breeze whips past us and this time not even our proximity is enough to keep Lena from shivering. “It’s getting cold,” I say reluctantly. “And late…”

Lena sighs against my shoulder. “You’re right. Let’s go home.”

We stop swaying and separate slowly. The cold that replaces Lena’s warmth instantly makes me yearn for her again. But it is getting late and we both have to get up early tomorrow morning.

“Thank you for the dance,” Lena says, her hands lingering on my forearms.

I bow again, this time less playfully though. “My pleasure,” I say and seeing the goosebumps on Lena’s arms and chest, I take my jacket and drape it around her shoulders.

She smiles bashfully and mumbles another thank you which makes me feel very accomplished.

I grab my holster without bothering to put it back on and lead us inside where I grab Lena’s things. She protest weakly, saying she can carry it herself, but then a yawn overcomes her and we both chuckle.

We head outside and I help her into the passenger seat of the car the valet has already parked right by the entrance.

I tip him generously and bid him a good night before getting in the driver’s seat. Usually I’m not the one driving, but because it’s Alfred’s night off, I offered to do it.

The drive back into the city is peaceful and quiet. Lena’s leaned against the door the whole way with her eyes closed and my jacket pulled tightly around her shoulders.

She doesn’t even stir when I pull into her building’s underground parking garage.

“Ms. Luthor?” I whisper, touching her shoulder. “Ms. Luthor, we’re here.”

Nothing.

“Ms. Luthor.”

Again. Nothing.

Damn, she’s out cold.

I sigh and get out of the car, making my way around the hood to slowly open the passenger door. I make sure Lena doesn’t fall by quickly replacing the door with my body and bending over her lap to unbuckle her seat belt.

“Alright… Upsy-daisy. One, two, three.” I scoop her into my arms as gracefully as I can and make sure her head is resting comfortably on my chest.

Then I kick the car door shut and make my way to the elevator that takes us straight up to the apartment.

I get the door open with some difficulty and take off my shoes all while Lena continues to sleep away in my arms.

It’s an endearing sight and it just makes me realize even more how deep my feelings for her actually run.

I pad through the dark apartment and into her bedroom where I carefully place her on the bed. She stirs for a moment, but doesn’t wake up, so I take off her heels before adjusting her so I can pull the comforter over her.

“Good night,” I whisper and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Then, without thinking I bend down and press a kiss to the crown of her head.

Oh, if only you knew what you do to me, Lena Luthor, I think as I back out of the room with a tired smile.

________________________________________________

Some much needed fluff after that last part :)

@nuianced-tck-enby Enjoy!

[heyimc]

All the memories stay

VADA CAVELL X READER

A.N.: So, this is actually my first time writing something like this, hope you like it and enjoy it. Also, everything will be narrated from Vada's point of view. Warnings: Angst, not a happy ending, possible grammar mistakes (English isn't my first language).

Inspired by the song "Everything Stays" from Adventure Time.

Vada's POV

It’s crazy how someone can change your life with just one smile…one smile, that’s all it takes to make someone feel safe, for me that person was Y/N.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ It was the first day of classes, during break time in the cafeteria. - Hi! Can I sit here? - She approached me with a vibrant and charming way of being, I was confused about it, no one really paid me that much mind or ever asked me that, my only friend has ever been my buddy Nick, who sadly couldn’t be here at the moment cause he was with on a vacations trip with his family for another two days.

- Ah…sure? - I was shocked by it, probably my face showed even more than my actual voice cause she just laughed and sat at the table, right in front of me. That gave me a chance to look at her more directly, but before I could even form an idea about the type of girl she might be, she spoke again.

- My name is Y/N, I’m new so I’ve just been trying to check out the place and find someone interesting to talk to, I also like your shirt. - 

- I’m Vada - I said, and she smiled.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

That was the first time she talked to me, and suddenly a conversation started, she was nice…made me laugh, and intrigued me at the same time, but soon things started going in another direction.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

- Okay, so here is the question, would you rather be with someone who looks like your friend’s mom or someone that has the same age as her? - It was a Friday, a casual day after classes letting the weekend soon start and take us away for rest after a long week of exams. Y/N, Nick, and I were just at the beach with some slushies from 7/11 and doing dumb stuff as we normally did.

- Why do all your questions always have to do with moms? Is this your way of telling me you like mine? - Nick joked around and Y/N laughed at it, those were the moments I truly loved, cause we were just being teenagers, having fun, and enjoying our time together.

- Who wouldn’t? - Said then Y/N and Nick hit her in the arm soon after finishing her sentence - Hey! Hey! I’m joking! - We all laughed and she then spoke again - Hmm, well…I think I will go for someone who is the same age as her. I mean, what if one day she sees my girlfriend and then finds out that it actually is her long-lost daughter who wanted to get closer to her so she used me instead? Plus, older women are way hot and mature. 

- Yeah, cause an adult woman would sure put her eyes on someone so immature and crazy as you - I said with sarcasm and she then smiled back at me.

- Hey! I think I am very charming and would totally be able to get with an older woman - She tried to defend herself.

- If you end up doing that, do you think you could find me a sugar daddy? Gotta take care of my hair and good looks.

We all soon started laughing at Nick’s remark and continued with our hangout at the beach. But after many hours in the sun and the breeze of the ocean waves hitting the sand, we left the place and went to our houses. I was going to spend the night at Y/N cause we planned to continue a Netflix series we started watching some days ago, so it was the perfect plan to stay up all night. With the time passing and the dark being a witness of it, something else happened, something changed between us two, I could feel it and I know that she did too on that day.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

The days went like normal, but we weren’t the same anymore, our relationship changed, and we started growing closer and closer with each interaction, Nick noticed, my family noticed, Y/N did too, and one day…

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

- Pss, Vada… - She called me from behind, Y/N always sat behind me since the classes started and made sure to stay like that, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, I was falling for her, how could I not? Funny, smart, pretty…such an idiot but that’s what made her so intriguing, she was herself and didn’t try to hide it, she always made sure to show me how she was, how honest and real her presence and she was, she always knew how to make me smile and reassure me…she knew how. - I was wondering if you well, would like to go to our spot at the beach later? - The look on her face was weird, nervous it was, but I didn’t know at the time what it was.

- Sure, let me send Nick a text - I responded but the reaction she gave me said something else to me - Or…you don’t want me to? 

- I thought it could be just between us two? Want to tell you something important - And she smiled, like she always did, I wish things could have been different then.

- You can tell me now - I said, almost too quick to respond, to change things, make a move, and be brave for once, but she looked at me confused.

- Vada…you know how this is supposed to go, I’m not here anymore. You can’t change the story.

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

But I wanted to, I wanted to be able to stop it from happening, if I could have done something else if I didn´t receive that text if I could have just been there for her even though she told me to go, why did I leave her alone? Why, why, why, why, why…

…

- Vada, are you still with me? - I snapped and looked around me, I was with the psychologist.

- Yeah…I’m sorry, where was I? - My mind was blank and my emotions were like a river flowing by, I knew the answer but my mouth didn’t want to move again, I didn’t want to end the story.

- You were telling me about Y/N, and how her death affected you - She said and pushed me to keep going, I knew things wouldn’t get better if I didn’t do this, but it would also hurt if I did.

- That day…I was ready to confess to her, but the shooting took place and I was in the bathroom, I tried to go and look out for her but then Mia and Quinton were there too so we stayed, the last thing I remember was my hands covered in her blood, she tried to go look out for me and got shot in the end, I can’t stop thinking about it if she could have just waited and didn’t worry about me, or if I didn’t stay in the bathroom or chatted with Mia in a first place, maybe…just maybe, she could still be here, I could hear her voice, her laugh, see her smile and how we just had fun like how we were supposed to be doing during those days, maybe I would have even told her how much I loved her…that I still do…I still do…

My voice broke, I didn’t want the reminder of her to be erased by the actions of someone that was too far gone to take away so many lives…including her - I know…I know that I can’t change the past, but I just…I…I guess all that is left is just the reminders of her life, all the memories stay but she didn’t do the same.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling my partners I'm a system?

💚🐻

To preface this, I don't use Tumblr and I'm using my partner's account, so I would rather ask this anonymously. Forgive any non-tumblr-isms 😅.

This happened a while ago, but to be honest I can't let this go. I feel so horrible about it despite being reassured and I figured Tumblr, who has a lot of systems/people with DID/OSDD, would be able to give me an unbiased (as much as I can give an unbiased account, anyway) answer.

I, (24M), am a system with one headmate, P, (??). (Neither of us are sure how old he is, since it seems to change on the day). I don't want to get into exactly how I got him, but I believe the term for what we are is "traumagenic"? Sorry, again, I'm not really familiar with everything.

Anyway, I've had him since I was 8, and he's been... well, a real pain in the ass, to be frank. I understand now that he's a defender by nature and was trying to protect us, but when you get expelled from middle school for several physical attacks and almost get sent to juvie you start to resent the guy a bit. He's a bit like a sleeping bear, except if the sleeping bear had one eye open and killed you before you could hurt him.

Back when I got out of my abuser's house and went no contact at age 20, I moved in with my current partners, Bonfire (24M) and Greenhouse (25NB) (names changed for privacy, obviously.) At the time I didn't know them, but they were looking for another roommate and I desperately needed somewhere to live.

So I moved in with just the clothes on my back and my wallet (bad move, I know, but I didn't have anything anyway). I didn't care to interact with them all that much, not wanting P to get defensive and attack them for no reason, but they just kept pushing and eventually I relented and hung out with them some.

"Some" turned to "often," and then "often" turned into "sleeping-in-their-bed-and-sharing-our-clothes." At that point I was too far into it and embarrassed to admit I'd been hiding a whole other person from them in my mind. I wasn't sure if they'd even like me after, what with P's history of violence.

...so I never told them. I did my best to forget about anything that ever happened and tried to just enjoy the future I'd always wanted for myself. Bonfire and Greenhouse are lovely people and I was finally, maybe just a little happy. I'd never been a happy person and I was content to bask in it for as long as I was able.

This, of course, backfired immensely. P and I didn't have the best relationship at the time, with both of us wanting to do very extreme things to get away from the other. He wanted to kick me out and be by himself in my body, and I wanted to kill myself to be rid of him. We've since reconciled and made strides in accepting ourself for who we are- it hasn't been easy by any means, but that isn't the point.

I recognize now that he was afraid of being hurt again, not wanting to get out of that survival mindset in case Greenhouse and Bonfire turned out to be super-secret mega abusers taking advantage of our trust, but I also know what he did after was wrong.

He got physical with Bonfire, screaming at him and threatening to kill him if he got any closer. I don't have any memory of this happening, so some details may be incorrect, and I apologize for that. Bonfire, not knowing that P was not, in fact, me, (coupled with the fact that he's a fucking idiot (meant with affection)), he got closer and tried to talk me (him) down. P punched him in the face and broke his nose, after which he ran out of the house and left me to "wake up" a few miles away curled up under a tree.

P left me a note a few days later that said he didn't mean to break his (Bonfire's) nose, but that he was lucky he hadn't done worse. This, in P speak, is probably the most sincere apology I could get at the time.

To try and keep this as short as possible, I'll summarize what happened next. I told Bonfire and Greenhouse about P because at that point the cat was basically out of the bag. They said they'd wished I'd told them sooner, and that they were a little uncomfortable being in the same house as "the lean, mean, stabbing machine" (- Bonfire) but that they were willing to help me manage him if I promised to tell them everything I knew about how he worked.

I did, and it's been years since then, and now P and I are, as stated before, closer than ever. I recently asked my partners whether or not they were still upset with me for not telling them, and they just said that they weren't entitled to my medical history and trauma (which, yeah, but he did break Bonfire's nose) and that they didn't care because, "hey, we basically got a free dog out of it" (- Bonfire), and "we made a promise to love you, including all the less-than-savory parts." (- Greenhouse).

Sweet, yes, but I think I might be TA because, um, P LITERALLY BROKE BONFIRE'S NOSE AND THREATENED TO KILL HIM? AND IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN PREVENTED IF I HAD TOLD THEM?

TL;DR: I didn't tell my partners about my headmate that's prone to violence and he did violence on them and I feel bad.

AITA?

(P says hi, by the way, and he also wants me to tell you that he isn't like this anymore and much prefers soft blankets and eating fruit to breaking his family's noses.)

What are these acronyms?

[reigningqueenofwords]

You're On

Pairing: Chubby!Bucky x Reader Word count: 896 Request: Anonymous. Can I request a drabble where Chubby!Bucky and reader best friends and they like each other, but they don't know. And like he gets insecure one day and is like, "do you think I'd finally get a girl to like me back if i lost weight" and like reader comforts him and confesses to him and yeah. Oof that's kind of a mess but yeah. Thanks!

Read on AO3

Bucky had been your best friend since you were 6. You started first grade halfway through the year, having just moved to the area. He had been the first to say hi, and later that day, the one to defend you when an older kid was teasing you. You’d been best friends since- through the horrible time that was puberty, through being each other’s first kiss (because both of you were too shy to think anyone else would), through bad dates, through graduation, through college, and no one was surprised when the two of you got an apartment together. Rent was insane, and neither of you wanted to risk getting an apartment with some psycho. Or not being able to see your best friend whenever you wanted. How often would you be able to see him otherwise? 

You made a face as you saw the snow pick up. “Well, at least neither of us have to work today, right?” You looked towards Bucky as he looked for a movie to watch. “It looks like the city should shut down, but we both know it won’t.” You shook your head. “One day them not closing everything down will really backfire.” 

“Wanna bet ten bucks we see kids trying to sled on random things later?” He asked with a chuckle. “Like we did when we were kids?” Your driveway had been perfect for sledding, making you extra popular with kids come winter time. 

“You’re on.” You agreed before going to flop on the couch. “Can you please pick something before I load Netflix and choose something sappy to spite you?” You asked playfully. “You’ve been looking for like five minutes. Our movie selection hasn’t changed in the past few months.” 

He finally grabbed one and went to put it in. “Is Wonder Woman okay with you?” He asked, glancing at you for a moment.

“Um, yeah!” You grinned. “I am the one who bought that, remember?” You poked him as he sat next to you. “Like I’d complain about that.” You chuckled. “You do remember I went as her for like 3 Halloweens in a row, right?” When you found something you liked, you stuck with it. 

As Steve stood from the bath , you automatically licked your lips, tilting your head slightly just as Diana did. Bucky glanced at you as you did before his eyes went back to the screen. He had never in his life looked anything close to that. He’d always been a bit softer in the middle. Even playing football for three years in high school. “Do you think I'd finally get a girl to like me back if I lost weight?” He asked, chewing on his lip. Your opinion mattered to him. If you thought he should lose weight, he’d give it one hell of a try.

It took you a moment to register what he had asked. “Wait, what?” You looked at him, brows furrowed. “Why would you ever ask that?” Reaching over, you grabbed the remote and paused the movie to focus on him.

“Come on, Y/N/N.” He sighed. “I’ve never had anyone look at me anything like that.” He pointed out. “Ever. Sure, I’ve gone on dates, but I none of my dates looked at me the way you look at Steve. That-” He pointed to the tv. “Steve, not our friend Steve.” He rambled nervously. 

“That you know of.” You muttered. You looked at him like that all the time. Memories of him at the pool came to mind, water dripping over him. 

Bucky looked at you, his turn to be confused. “What?” He stared at you. “I don’t think I heard you right.” 

Your cheeks turned a light pink, your eyes on your lap as you played with a string on your pants. “I look at you like that all the time.” You came clean. “Have for years.” You shrugged. “I’ve always found you attractive, and I’ve always loved you.” You sighed, hoping like hell you didn’t just ruin everything. 

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?!” He gasped, taken aback. 

“And risk you being weirded out? Or losing my best friend?” You sighed. “I couldn’t risk that.” The last thing you ever wanted was for him to pull away, but you also couldn’t stand hearing him talk like that about himself. When he didn’t say anything, your stomach was in knots. “Can we pretend that I never said this?” You asked, fighting tears, fear building that he was upset with you. Your stomach was in knots, and it felt like your heart would pound out of your chest.

Snapping out of his shock, he pulled you to him. “What if I don’t want to pretend that you never told me?” He made you look at him. “What if I’ve always loved you, but thought you could do better? That you would never in a million years want me?” His voice was soft. 

“You love me?” You gasped. 

He chuckled, nodding. “Sure do.” He smiled. “How have we made it to our late 20s without ever seeing it?” He held you close.

“I’m sure everyone else did. No wonder they didn’t blink when we got an apartment together.” You chuckled, leaning your head against his chest. 

“Can I take you on a date once the storm passes?” 

“You can take me on a date whenever you want.” 

[yeeterthek33per]

Love it, Love you (Caitlin Foord x Reader)

A/n requested

Summary: You and Caitlin are filming for the disney matildas series.

---------

Slow motion scene of Caitlin bounding over to you on the sideline, hands grabbing your face, pressing your lips together after scoring against Spain. There's a soft flow of piano music over the top.

"Ya know, I don't think we ever really explained that one to the girl's either."

Caitlin chuckles softly and shakes her head in agreeing negativity. Both of you are sitting on the white couch in your house in London. You're tucked under her arm.

"Yeah, no, I don't think we'd told them at that point. So I think they kind of freaked out on us after the game."

You lean off the couch with a soft laugh, head in your hands, ruffling your hair slightly.

Caitlin shakes her head with a sigh.

"That's an understatement. Poor Steph, girl was getting bombarded as well. Not that she knew either. Cait and I were just sitting there while they all kind of just lost their minds. Steph looked utterly disappointed that we hadn't told her sooner."

"Your sister.. well."

You give Caitlin a look.

"My sister looked ready to deck you. Macca looked like she would probably have to hold her back and Sam just facepalmed and told the girls to cool it so we could actually answer. Tony didn't even bother sticking around for the whole debacle."

"Yeah, that was a tough one. I don't think Lans has been able to trust me properly since. I love the girl, but man does she hold a grudge."

You slap her on the shoulder with an eye roll.

"Excuse me, you forget you're engaged to her sister here. I imagine any protective older sister would be peaved about one of their best mates suddenly sidling up with their sibling. Also I'd like to point out you could very well still call that woman to help you bury a dead body and she would do so no questions asked. So I'd like to think she still trusts you very much thanks."

Cut to a video of Caitlin celebrating with Alanna after a brilliant header from the defender against Jamaica.

"Don't know if that makes it better, honestly. I'm afraid she'll stick me in my sleep one day."

Cut back to the couch, You give her a playful glare.

"Just because you copped the shovel talk from one of the tallest girls on the team, does not mean she'd actually murder you. At least not without prompting. I can't imagine she would kill you without you doing something first."

Caitlin just turns her head back to the camera with an incredulous look.

"Anyway, that was four days before our third anniversary. Literally two days before I proposed. I think Alanna might have been too late to stop it or you know, try to break us up. Ya know?"

You fake a cough into your balled hand, turning away slightly.

"What? Did she actually try? Oh my god, I swear I will kick her butt if she actually tried."

You whip your head around at her, a disbelieving laugh leaving your lips.

"Oh you'll kick her but will you? What happened to being terrified of her?"

Caitlin keeps her mouth shut and you tut softly, hand resting on her knee.

"That's what I thought. Yes she did try to forbid me from dating you, cinderella style and all. But after some convincing, she switched it up to reminding me that I could still dump you if I changed my mind and she wouldn't totally gut you afterwards."

Caitlin looks dead on into the lense, an unimpressed look of told-you-so playing on her expression. You burst out laughing at that.

"See what I have to deal with? Why did I agree to marry you again?"

You smack her on the chest, backhanded.

"You're the one that proposed doofus."

She just grins cheekily.

"Oh yeah, I did too. is it too late for a refund?"

You roll your eyes, and scoff.

"Give you 'refund'."

She rubs your shoulder, pecking you on the cheek.

"You love me."

"Debatable."

You receive puppy dog eyes in return and poke her nose, a resounding groan as you push her slightly, turning back to the camera again.

The video fades to black and shifts to a new scene between you.

---------

You're standing in your backyard watching Caitlin run around and play tug of war with Peach.

"I'm so proud of her, everything she does is just phenominal and I'm glad I got to be part of her journey. The moment I got the call from her saying she'd been considered for an Arsenal transfer, it was then I knew I would follow her anywhere."

Cut to footage of Caitlin scoring against Aston Villa.

Cut back to you looking at the brunette, with major heart eyes.

"We were only together for about a few weeks at that point, but having been close friends before then made it feel like longer. She wasn't one hundred percent in it, especially since she thought she'd be leaving me in Australia on my own since Alanna was about to transfer to tottenham too."

Footage switches to Alanna, in a Manchester City hoodie, sitting in her own living room.

"I felt weird, leaving my sister, we'd always been one for one, and this was the first time we'd properly been separated by ocean. She came with me to Orlando and before that, had stayed with our parents. We both got contracted for Sydney and just hadn't really separated after that. Though I was pretty chuffed to find out she was moving closer again, with my best friend at that."

Back to you in the backyard, Caitlin now sat beside you on an outdoor recliner.

"Surprised the hell out of me, getting that call from my manager, he was like, Y/n, I've got big news, Arsenal want you. I think I was so shocked I just laughed. I thought he was one crazy a****** for joking about that. What are the chances I get contracted by the exact same club as her within just weeks of each other. Surprised her too."

Caitlin puffs out a laugh.

"You didn't mention why though. Surprised because I just mopily walk into training, thinking about how to deal with the distance anxiety and just, in you walk, day thirteen of me being in London. 'Hey, sweetheart, how's your day been? Oh yeah by the way, I'm playing here now'."

"To be fair, It was meant to be a surprisez considering I basically had to schedule everything perfectly. Without Steph's help, because ya know, that would've been suspicious."

You lean your head on her shoulder, her hsnd comes up to run through your hair.

"Stephs face was pretty funny though, what are the chances three Aussies all get contracted within just weeks of each other. The older girls were all like 'what is jonas thinking?'. It's definitely been remarkable though, both of them are phenominal and they deserve every bit of everything we achieve with the gunners."

She looks down at you with a loving smile and you grin widely back up at her.

Footage of Steph and Caitlin's starting for Arsenal, standing in the lineup, your face new amongst the starters further down the line, right beside Leah Williamson.

"It was certainly something else. Being able to play with such big names at the time. Kim Little was one in particular that I'd been terrified of in that moment. How many times I'd seen Caitlin go head to head with her. Now I know her better though, she's just a big softy and she's got a soft spot for me, too."

Caitlin shakes her head.

"I think she means spoilt, this one can do no harm in the captains eyes. The baby of the team she likes to claim. Even though she's only like two years younger than me."

You protest.

"Twenty-three was pretty young, obviously not the youngest on the team, but it's not like I was pushing thirty already, jesus."

Caitlin gets an offended look on her face.

"Excuse you, thirty is not even that old. 'Pushing thirty already' you're twenty-six, thats not far from thirty thank you, also don't let Kimmy hear you say that."

You chuckle.

"Eh, she loves me. But you're closer to thirty than me so."

And you poke out your tongue at her. Your girlfriend just looks at the camera again.

"Bloody childish, what do I tell ya?"

You kiss her cheek, a small smirk on your lips.

"You love me."

---------

Video footage of the two of you making a huge passing play up the left side of the field, playing against England. The ball gets switched in a fast tikki taka motion as you both move up the line. You make a run for the box and it's like Caitlin doesn't even have to look for you as she sends the ball right to your head for you to sneak past Earps, who despite her best efforts, can't make contact with the ball.

Cut to you both walking through a forested walkway outside of the city. A long shot from the back, and then flicks to a full shot at the front as you both slowly walk down the concrete pathway.

"When she received her first call up to the team, she called me frantically, practically balling her eyes out."

"Balling my eyes out, I could hardly talk into the phone to get it out. Coach had called me when I was at home on my own, and Caitlin was in at the office."

"I stand by this, but you'd actually called me at the worst time too. I was sitting beside my coworkers on a mini break, one of them is a physio on the Arsenal team as well as one for where I work. All they hear coming from my phone is just incoherent blubbering, followed by "Babe! I GOT IN!" Of course, I wasn't following exactly what she meant and my dumb brain just went, in like, the ice bath?"

Your laughter rings out at that.

"That's what you thought I meant?"

Caitlin nods slowly, a small blush developing on her cheeks.

"That's just what we'd been talking about at the time, including how you in particular refused to touch the ice baths for the first six months, someone basically had to carry you in with them. So like, I was excited for you to finally have gotten over that fear on your own."

You push her slightly, a loving smile making it's way onto your lips.

"That's really sweet, but no I did that three months after that, when I finally decided to stop being a wuss, now that I was actually playing in the big big big league, I had to. But that's beside the point."

"Uhuh, sure sweets, anyway, when she finally started going into the phone call itself, it did finally click in my head because I never actually explicitly mentioned the ice bath either so we were both still pretty excited, but for different reasons."

"Yeah, I did not like her initial reaction at the time."

"I was still super confused why you were like full sobbing about it though. I was like 'okay, congrats baby, you did it, no big deal'. I think she was ready to hit me after that one."

"Mild understatement."

Caitlin chuckles, bringing your knuckles up to her lips.

"so when she brought up how amazing it felt to finally break onto the national team, I just was like 'Ohhhhh... oh.... OH, Congrats baby!'."

The footage cuts to your hands linked in the between you, her thumb gently caressing the skin there before cutting back to a mid shot of you both from the front as you giggle softly.

"I just kept thinking, what did she think I meant, what does she mean no big deal. Cocky woman. To think I wanted to marry her too. She did get super excited for me, though, after that. She's a little slow, but I love her."

You give her a shit eating grin as she glares at you.

"She's honestly such a little brat sometimes, can you believe this?"

You giggle softly, bumping hips with her.

"You love it."

---------

Footage of some of the afterparty in the locker room plays, Caitlin clearly in view sculling champagne out of the trophy.

"Back at the Cup of Nations. We were out celebrating in a VIP bar, and they'd given us free entry, the whole team, I mean. There were drinks being passed around every two minutes. I think we were just so ridiculously drunk after that. Steph was the only one not really drunk. "

"Well yeah, to be fair she was kind of... well."

You roll your eyes at the striker.

"She was injured, so she had to kind of not drink. Caitlin, the dumby, dropped her kitbag in the doorway, so when we drunkenly stumbled in, we kicked it out of the way. Out popped the engagement ring. Luckily, I didn't notice. But neither did Caitlin. Steph did though, pretty sure it was the first thing to catch her eye as she dropped us both off in the hotel room. She just picked it up, threw it back in the bag, and when we were both on the beds."

"Relatively."

"Somewhat. She took a photo of us, sent it to Caitlin, and said, "Congrats, don't let Lans see you propose." Not the message I was expecting to see that morning. I'd accidentally picked her phone up.-"

Cut to you sitting at the kitchen island in your house, Caitlin standing at the stove.

"You claim it was accidental, but we both know the truth, babe."

"It was! You left your phone right next to where I charge mine instead of on your own bloody bed side. Anyway! That was how I found out she wanted to propose. Because my lovely fiancee here couldn't put her stuff away. As always."

You give her a mildly playful, unimpressed look.

"Pfft, that was all drunk caitlin, I don't associate with that chick. She's an idiot."

You purse your lips.

"Clearly."

Caitlin stays stirring the pan for a second before turning around suddenly to your suppressed laughter.

"Hey!"

You let it out at that point, shoulders wracked with laughter, head on the bench. When you finally catch your breath, you look at her again, but she's turned back to the stove. What you can't see is the small smile on her lips, which the camera does.

"Love you."

She turns her head slightly to say something back.

"You better. Ya dork."

It's your turn to pout again.

"Hey!"

You gesture to your girlfriend in front of you, eyes in contact with the camera.

"See what I have to deal with? Won't even say it back, so mean."

She turns back to you with a small wink, smirk playing at her mouth.

"You love it."

---------

The image switches to you both sitting laying back on a lounge chair set up outside the back door, watching the summer sun go down in London.

"I'm so grateful we get to be together throughout this whole experience. She's the love of my life and she's an amazing football player too."

You smile up at her from your place leant against her chest. The camera pans around as you both share a quick kiss.

"I don't know, feels like you've got me beat. I feel like I don't tell you I love you enough."

Caitlin gives a quick glance to the camera lens.

"She does it every two hours and still says that."

You pout up at her. She pinches your cheek softly, kissing you on the forehead.

"You're lucky I love you."

Caitlin looks fully up at the camera this time.

"See?"

"Oh my god. Hush up"

"You love it."

"I love you."

She chuckles and you just shake your head and bring her in for a full kiss. Fade to black.

---------

[rwbyrg]

How do you stay positive seeing all the negativity we get for shipping this?

I don't typically talk about discourse, but I know this is something pretty much every RG shipper has faced at some point. So I'll make an exception this once. For anyone that doesn't want to hear about it, I strongly encourage you to keep scrolling.

I'm gonna keep it brief(ish) and vague, but content warning for topics of mental health, abuse, general fandom toxicity and ship discourse.

The short answer is that I've had to completely remove myself from large fandom spaces. I left Twitter last fall, I'm not in any big Discords, and I never check the fandom Reddits. I block bullies, bystanders, and bad faith arguers liberally. I mute words and phrases I don't wish to see, I don't engage with the bad faith takes, and I don't go looking in tags much either.

I surround myself with a small group of friends that I enjoy spending time with and can trust. So I still have outlets to be able to geek out without risk of dealing with the wider community's negativity. This blog was also created as a safe outlet to ramble, join together, or spread positivity about the ship. I know how rough it is for us out there - in the RWBY fandom as a whole, as well as within our own RG shipping spaces. So since I can't be an impartial community leader that helps run events or bigger spaces for us like I used to, this is kind of all I have left to offer.

The slightly longer addition that got way out of hand:

I'm not going to say it's not lonely. That I don't miss being part of a more active, wider group of people that we should have every right to join. But despite how hard some of us tried, there was nothing we could do to change the toxicity that is so deeply rooted at the core of this fandom. The fact that I even tried as hard as I did was 1. a trauma response and 2. just ended up with me - and too many of my friends - getting hurt anyway. I can't regret it because it's how I made the friends that are so dear to me now. But none of us should have had to deal with the cyberbullying, harassment, dog-piling, backstabbing, suibaiting, or any of that other garbage to find the group we have today.

It's extremely fucked up. There's no way to sugar coat it. All of it is abuse and is genuinely traumatizing to many people. I am not using these as buzzwords either. Myself and a handful of my rg shipping friends have literally gone to therapy to help us heal from all the things we've experienced in this fandom. So I have it on the authority of multiple psychiatrists, therapists, and social workers that what I am saying here is true.

Rosegarden and its shippers have become the scapegoat of a toxic community. There are big name fans who've staked their entire platforms on the idea of a rival ship being canon. And so, when they see any of us suggesting a Very Likely alternative to their reality (even if we're minding our own business), they become violent and go out of their way to try and defend it. There are entire servers and friend groups built on bullying this ship and its shippers for similar reasons. Anyone that argues against them, no matter how valid their stance, or how articulately its delivered, is going to become a target. Because we are seen as a threat to a system they directly benefit from. If any of them were to acknowledge how unreasonable or ridiculous all of this is, what would that mean for the circumstances and relationships they've built for themselves? It would all fall apart, wouldn't it?

This is why we also see fellow RG shippers invalidating or blaming us for what we go through. Because some of them have become convinced that if they side with the bullies and paint themselves as "not like those shippers", then they'll be "safe". Which as we all know isn't true. Because the antis attack each other for the smallest offences that don't have anything to do with us anyway.

The RWBY fandom is not alone in struggling with this. Fandoms everywhere are seeing these same patterns play out in different ways. A lot of people without as many stakes in the arguments will often scoff or dismiss it on the basis of it being "so serious, when it's just about fictional characters". And to that, I say: bullshit.

First of all, the people on the other side of the screen dealing with all of this are Real People with Real Feelings and their own lives that are already hard enough as it it. And these sorts of environments, as previously mentioned, can and do cause severe harm. Second, none of this hate has anything to do with fictional characters. That is part of the reason why I am still able to enjoy this ship and this show despite everything I've been through here. Because the fictional characters are simply the means to an end. And while that end is different for everyone, for the bullies - by and large - it offers them power in the face of their insecurities.

The only reason this space is as toxic as it is, is because the loudest voices are often the most emotionally immature. All the reasonable people see the infighting going on and know that engaging with it is a pointless waste of energy. As someone that did try to fight it, I truly don't blame any of them for staying uninvolved. But power comes in numbers; so until a large enough group of the reasonable ones come forward, this fandom will only continue on the course it's headed.

I rambled a lot and I'm not even sure how much of this is relevant to your question. If i were to give a tl;dr to answer you, it is this:

You need to curate your own experience by setting boundaries for yourself that cannot easily be crossed by people or content that is going to upset you.

Recognizing the reason people behave the way they do towards all of this has very little, if anything, to do with the show, the ship itself, or the people shipping it is very liberating.

Don't be like how I was. Don't try and force it when it isn't working. If you are in an environment or a habit that you are getting more harm than joy from: leave. It doesn't always feel like it in the moment, but it is better to be alone than to be surrounded by people who suck. And when you shed the ones that don't treat you well, you open yourself up to more like-minded people that will want to be friends with you anyway.

I say this genuinely with only love and support in my heart, but: touch grass. As often as you can, as often as you need to: get offline. Read a book, engage in other hobbies, connect with people in real life, go for a walk or just get outside if you can. When you start connecting with the reality on your side of the screen more, it puts how pointless and absurd so much of this discourse really is into perspective. Moderation is key.

I'm sorry that all of the negativity has got you down. No one wants to acknowledge how much this sort of thing can affect our well being, but I know first hand how bad it can get. None of it is fair. The feelings you're having are valid and aren't anything to be ashamed about. If you have friends or family you can rely on for support, reach out to them when you need it. If you're in a place where you think the help you need is a bit more specialized, you have my support and encouragement in making the call or doing the research to get started. Therapy isn't accessible and doesn't always work for everyone, but it's not the only option. Before I could afford it, I micro-dosed by reading self-help books and following therapists on Instagram, lol.

I'm not sure what else I can say, and have said more than I meant to anyway. But hang in there, you're not alone, and take care of yourself, okay?💕🫂

[ghostofhallownest]

it’s 1am so this is more of a note to self than anything but:

Nimona isn’t human. She’s her own thing, and the movie refuses to explain where she came from or if others are like her (good). Nimona doesn’t want to find *her* people genetically, she wants to find her *people* in terms of found-family, something she’s always been denied for being different regardless of what species she seeks out

Ballister is an outcast well before he’s used to murder the queen, but for the majority of his life he’s able to carve out a place of belonging. he has institutional power and privilege in a way nimona doesnt, even when he’s seen as a queen-killing villain

Ballister’s character arc is about learning to challenge his internal biases and be a good friend and ally to Nimona, and despite himself also being a type of minority in this world, he never understands her from the lens of his own experiences; he has to mentally venture out from what he knows to meet her where she is. he doesn’t automatically understand who she is because he himself has experienced ostracization, he asks her (sometimes small-minded) questions and listens to her answers and learns---she understands what it is to abruptly lose the community you love, but he doesnt easily understand what it is to shapeshift, but he wants to---or at least, wants to understand her better. and that results in him defending her to his literal childhood best friend / partner.

this but community infighting + how tribalistically dividing the queer community, demanding that we split up into our own little pieces of the alphabet alienates us from each other just as surely as we’re alienated from the broader world. how you can be a minority or part of a marginalized group and suffer in your life for those things and still have privilege compared to others (and how you can bond together with those people and not resent your differences in experience, and have compassion for the parts that suck and work together to achieve world domination your goals)

idk, something about ballister explicitly having grown up hurt and othered no matter how hard he tried to make himself palatable, how ballister graduated top of his class by merit alone and he is still always going to be “the first crack in the wall,” (and being top in the class over the descendant of gloreth is another, and the queen declaring anyone can hold the sword henceforth is another, and so on); there is no world where ballister makes himself Good Enough to not be a threat, and even though nimona knows this, she backs him up and fights for him and hopes against her better judgment that the system can be changed and only walks when he refuses to have her back

and how this is still nimona’s movie and the point is how ballister may be a crack but she’s a fucking wrecking ball in the wall and she must be destroyed at any cost

something something abt respectability politics, yk?

anyway. this is just one thread im kinda absently picking at but fr im going to absorb this movie until it replaces blood in my veins and i can play it while holding a conversation without missing a beat. insane about it v excited to read the graphic novel (im aware it’s different)

[felassan]

this post is just some thoughts on/speculation re: the recent news (the new blog post and the IGN article etc). under a cut for length.

I’m so excited for the official first look at the gameplay!! (ofc) and psyched that it’s happening in early summer as opposed to late summer like August or thereabouts. it feels surreal in a good way that it’s now basically ‘DA:TV Eve’ :D With 15+ minutes of gameplay from the start of the game, we could gain a lot of new information and context such as who the PC is, where the story kicks off and the premise/framing of the story, who the starting companions are, etc.

it surprised me that the name of the game changed, but I like the new title, I think it’s cool and unusual and from dev comments it's not something they decided on a whim or anything. a title change makes sense in the light that Solas isn’t the only focus of the game or the only player on the board – that he’s a key player, but not the heart of it, and the companions are who is being centered. in any event the feel of a title to like say and stuff for me doesn’t affect gameplay or what it’s like interacting with characters etc. I would play this game if it was called Dragon Age: The Quantum Blorbening anyway.

‘The Veilguard’ is the name of our crew of companions, as in a group or faction. (It reminds me of “the Kingsguard”.) Obviously we can see from the name that this group will be involved in protecting and defending the barrier between the Fade and the waking world in some manner. I wonder, will it be a group we form, or a group we join/are recruited into? They must be a fairly recent addition to Thedas. What’s their relation to the Veil Jumpers, if any? Does the existence of the Veilguard imply that the theories that the game will begin with the Veil torn down already aren’t the case? Will the Veilguard always want to protect the Veil during the story, or will there come a point when they re-evaluate that idea? It sounds like they’re always able to take down the new evil threat, but will they always be able (or always want to) to prevent the Veil from being destroyed? also, in-world, who named them The Veilguard?

Maybe our PC’s own ‘title’ (Warden, Hero, Inquisitor, Herald of Andraste, kinda thing) will be Veil Guardian or Guardian of the Veil or something like that..? we obviously won’t be the only veil guard, but while the DA:O PC was ‘the Hero of Ferelden’, in-game they often were referred to in passing simply as Grey Warden or The Warden, despite there being another Warden present (Alistair). When the devs have been talking about The Avengers, I think about that and also get Guardians of the Galaxy kinda vibes. With Varric and Harding’s storyline in DA: The Missing, I wonder if he will be like the Nick Fury (he kind of brought the Avengers together and coordinated them right? Or at least recruited them all, put the team together?), with Harding joining the team itself..? Avengers assemble, form Voltron, etc. with stuff like “you’ll unite this team of unforgettable heroes”, it sounds like the PC (as in previous games) will end up leading the group in some manner, even if they are new to the squad. That reminds me of the HoF. ^^

Somewhere out there in the multiverse, on a different plane, DA4 came out and it was a multiplayer game. it’s good to hear about refocusing on creating a singleplayer game with a focus on characters, choices & decisions, worldbuilding, companionship with characters with their own deep storylines that intersect with the main plot etc, with the customizable hero and the cast of their companions at the center of an SP story. and no online team members, no live service etc.

The world of Thedas itself is still my favorite ‘character’ :D

Warden, Hawke, Inquisitor mention. 🥺

I don’t mind one way or the other about most gameplay specifics. Some of the aspects of combat gameplay (of course, I’m just guessing based on reading some lines in an article atm), like the pausing the action and the ability wheel to give orders, sound like ME: Andromeda gameplay, and Andromeda had good gameplay/combat gameplay that was fun and fluid to play.

One thing I am 😔 about tho is the change of party size from 3 companions to 2. I love Mass Effect and it’s a 3-person squad in that series too (and it works well ofc both in terms of gameplay and dynamics), but I’ll still miss having 3 companions with me in DA :< esp in a game with such a focus on the characters/companions. What can I say, I’m just a blorbo hoarder. I’ll also miss all party members being directly controllable.

I wonder if the 7 companions (seven is a lucky number ^^) will have a class split like 2 warrior/2 rogue/2 mages+1 ‘unique/special’ companion (e.g. Dog, Shale – maybe the flaming head Skellington?) or +1‘extra/secret’ companion or something (e.g. Loghain).

Also, speculatively, being that we’ve never had a qunari woman as a companion before, I hope one is a qunari woman, and since we’ve never had a dwarf woman as a companion before in a ‘main’ game (ily sigrun), I hope one will be a dwarf woman. That also makes me curious about the race and gender split of the 7. Maybe it’s like 2 humans/2 elves/1 qunari/1 dwarf/1 ‘unique or special’ (e.g. Shale)..? Maybe it’s like 3 men/3 women/1 nonbinary person, or the first 6 are a mix of men, women and nonbinary people, and the seventh is something like Dog or a spirit or something?

There were 6 companions in ME1. In DAII, there were 8 in the base game (Seb was DLC), but Bethany/Carver were only around for part of the game. today one of the main things people love most about DAII is its cast of companions. ^^ also, with the way the devs talk about the companions, it's giving "Found Family" trope vibes. that's another thing that people love a lot about DAII. ^^

will it just be the 7 of us, like the crew in DA2? Will it be like in DA:I, where the organization (Inquisition/Veilguard in this case) has main figures/an inner circle, but also commands other people? Or will it be like Mass Effect, where you have a crew which is comprised of companions (in this case 7) who join you on the field as well as a few other developed characters that hang out at ‘home base’? on the number paring down from 9 to 7, I’d rather quality and depth over quantity. In ME2, Kasumi and Zaeed (as DLC) didn’t have proper conversations on the ship. I wonder if “pare down” refers to it being versus the number of companions we had in DA:I, or whether at some point in development of DA:TV there used to be more than 7 companions and some were cut.

each of the 7 companions is from/represents a different faction. For example, while not stated to be a companion in the trailer he was revealed in, it's common speculation that he is, and Davrin is a Grey Warden. Going by the 4 factions Varric and Harding deal with in The Missing, surely 4 of these companion backstory factions in DA:TV are the Grey Wardens, the Antivan Crows, the Veil Jumpers and the Shadow Dragons. And the other 3..? the Lords of Fortune are a new addition to the lore that have also been prominent in recent material. A Grey Warden, an Antivan Crow, and a Veil Jumper walk into a bar.. : ) the composition of The Veilguard is reminding me of Duncan’s words about the Grey Wardens: “Men and women from every race, warriors and mages, barbarians and kings.”

---

some more wild speculation on the 7 factions.

1. Davrin - the Grey Wardens

2. Bellara - ??

3. Harding - Inquisition/Inquisition remnants (I do not think Varric is a companion)

then, based on prominence in previous promo material and The Missing etc -

4. A Lord of Fortune

5. A Veil Jumper (STRIFE PLS!!!)

6. An Antivan Crow

7. A Shadow Dragon

??

or… this prev concept art (bearing in mind it might represent nothing at all except ‘general mood’ & no specific actual characters, or be from a different version of the game before a reboot or before cuts etc, who knows) shows 8 characters. could it be the 7 companions and the Player Character? Skellington Guy (green flaming skull guy) could easily be the (speculative!!) ‘unique/special 7th one’, assuming a 2/2/2 warrior-rogue-mage classbreak down among the other 6 (which is speculation only too ofc). lmk what you think : )

I’m nervous about upsetting or getting the new companions killed already HH.

It’s nice to read how strongly they feel about the new characters and their stories.  

I’m so excited to explore all the regions and varied biomes.

I’m still not clear/sure on whether “you can romance the companions you want” means all 7 companions are bi/pan+, or that there are no non-romanceable companions among the 7 (like no Stens or Varrics), or whether it was more like a general off-hand comment that can’t be read into that much.

I wonder if the Varric-narrated in-game cinematic from 1 year ago plays at the start of the game? Or after we meet Varric?

here is a link to a ramble/speculation about the new logo/icon.

All of Thedas is at risk from a big, scary new threat. As we know, Solas was never the only being interested in the Veil and its removal or destruction. (you can also outline lots of reasons why it should be brought down, like the way the world used to be, elven immortality, the effect on mages/magic etc). it’s also long been theorized that Solas isn’t the main threat/main antagonist in DA4, and maybe more like the Dragon to someone/something else, or a figure like Loghain in DA:O, who you can kill or convince to join you in your fight against the real overarching threat, in that case the Blight. Corypheus broke the Veil in the Red Lyrium future. Demons always want to cross it. the Evanuris are trapped in some way that involves the Veil being in place. Flemythal can never achieve true vengeance while her killers are sleeping or imprisoned somewhere she can’t reach. The Bio25 book says that “The Evil Gods have Thedas in their sights” and that “shadows of the past stir”. It also says that the “Deep Roads teem with evils both new and old”. There are theories about a double Blight. The most recent trailer has someone gushing “Glory to the Risen Gods. They’ve come to deliver this world”. Tevinter Nights hints at fck-knows-what – places and beings, “past the Veil of our world, neither demon nor spirit”, things with chthonic kinda vibes. Etc. a threat being “unleashed” has the implication of someone let something go.. or someone.. let something in... there are also other groups and beings to consider, like the Old Gods, the Forgotten Ones, the Executors.

I thought this phrasing from the IGN article was interesting, though it's not a direct quote from Gary. “Solas, who helped create the Veil, now wants to destroy it.” Helped create? Until now it was more like “Solas created the Veil”. Helped who..? 👁️

The other evil threats/the real threats, these ‘other gods’ (Gary McKay mentions them twice: “it might not just be Solas”, “the Dread Wolf is not the only god” you need be worried about), are surely the upside-down figures in this mural, right? Surely they are the “Evil Gods” (whoever /they/ are) mentioned in the Bio25 book, right? :D

[callsign-dexter]

First Huge Fight Pt. 1

Part of Our Little Girl Universe or it can be read alone.

Summary: Jake and Y/N have their first big fight. Hurtful things are said and regretted. Can they make up before it is too late? Or will the Seresin-Bradshaw household be turned upside down?

Pairings: Bradley Bradshaw x Jake Seresin, Bradley Bradshaw x Daughter!Reader, Jake Seresin x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: angst, wrist grabbing, bruising, blood, car crash, inaccurate medical talk, fighting, swearing. (PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING!)

Masterlist

Our Little Girl

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

3 days before- Monday 6:07 PM

The Bradshaw-Seresin family, the Bradshaws, and the Kazansky-Mitchells were at dinner. This was a traditional family get-together. They all gather at the Kazansky-Mitchell household, each week it changes. Everyone was enjoying a good meal that they all contributed to. Friendly chatter was going back and forth. 

"I have a game this Friday. I was hoping you all would be able to make it." Y/N said in a happy go lucky voice. She knew they had busy lives but if they made a promise they usually kept it.

"Of course, we'll be there Chick! Your grandma and I wouldn't miss it for anything." Goose said with an equally happy voice. 

"Sunshine of course we're going to be there." Mav said and Ice nodded his head agreeing.

"Sweets, you know your dad and I will be there! We love watching you play!" Jake said.

"Pops do you promise to be there?" She asked knowing how busy he can get.

"Yes, Darling. I promise." Jake replies to her while looking at her with a smile.

"What time is it again?" Bradley asked just wanting to make sure.

"7 PM." She said looking at him with excited eyes.

Present- Thursday 6 PM

"I have a meeting tomorrow at 6 PM so I won't be home until late.” Jake said as he took a bite of his pot roast that Bradley threw into the crock pot before heading to work that morning, Y/N stopped eating and so did Bradley.

“Tomorrow as in Friday? Are you sure it’s this Friday?” Bradley asked knowing that Y/N had a game that day. Jake stops eating and looks at him.

“Yea it’s this Friday.” Jake said confused

“I have a game at 7 that night.” Y/N said a little heartbroken. Bradley looked at her and it broke his heart. He hated seeing her cry or get upset. It hits Jake full force.

“Aw, shit. It is isn't?” Both of the other occupants nodded their heads while he brought his hand up to his face to rub it and run it through his hair. “Well the meeting is at 6 PM, I can go to it and get to the field on time.” He said, sounding sure of himself.

“Jake, her game is at 7 and your meeting is at 6 and you know how long those meetings take. You’ll never get to the field on time.” Bradley says coming to defend his daughter.

“Would you just lay off of me for a second? I forgot about the game.” he replied angrily at Bradley.

“How could you forget? Are you stupid? It’s on the calendar on the fridge and everyone has been talking about it including Warlock. You promised!” Y/N said getting upset that her Pops had forgotten about her game. He never forgets about one.

“Y/N/N this meeting is very important to your Pops. Your dad can record the game and we can watch it later.” everything he was saying was just making her angry.

“What about me and my game, isn’t that important to you?” she asked, getting upset and Bradley could sense but knew to stay out of it and jump in when needed.

“Yes, Darling that’s even more important to me.” he replied getting frustrated but he needed to go to this meeting.

“Then don’t go to the stupid meeting.” she knew it wasn't stupid but she was angry and saying what was coming to her mind right then and there. Bradley could feel the tension between both of them but he supposes a fight like this was bound to happen, they were both too much alike and so stubborn.

“That’s enough young lady.” he said pointing a finger at her and getting to his boiling point. 

“You know what? Don’t come to my game. Go to your stupid meeting that is more important to you than me.” she said getting up from the table and storming off up the stairs to her room. Jake got up and started to follow her, leaving Bradley sitting at the table.

“Hey where are you going?” she stops briefly 

“I don’t want to be around you! I don’t want you to come to my game!” she yelled and continued up the stairs.

“Oh come on Sweets, you’re important to me and so is the game.” he said stopping at the end of the stairs and her in the middle. She huffed and turned around and he followed.

“Y/N, come back here. We’re not done talking.” he yelled, raising his voice. Meanwhile, Bradley had pushed his plate back and had his head on his arms trying to block it out since he hated when his little family fought.

“No! You can’t tell me what to do! I don’t have to listen to you!” Y/N yelled as she was at the entrance of her door and so was Jake. She turned around when he roughly grabbed her, a little too rough and wouldn’t let go but she was too fired up to say anything.

“Yes you do!” he yelled back, grip getting tighter on her wrist and she winced but he didn’t notice.

“Why should I!?” she yelled back trying to remove her wrist.

“Because I’m your father, that’s why you have to listen to me.” Fire was in his eyes and so it was in her eyes too.

“So what!?” she yelled

“Don’t you dare yell at me Y/N and I mean it!” He said as his temper was rising, so was hers.

“I’ll yell at you all I want! Go to your stupid meeting that’s more important than your daughter! I hate you! I wish I died instead of Dakota! I wish I wasn't your daughter!” she yelled, still trying to pull her wrist out of his grip. Jake’s temper was at the boiling point

“Well, I hate you right back, you little shit! You took my sister away from me, my friend for life and I just want her back! So, maybe they should’ve saved her instead of you!” he yelled and instantly regretted it once her face fell and that’s when the pain of him gripping her came full force and tears started to fall.

“Get off of me! You’re hurting me!” Once Bradley heard that he shot up from his seat from downstairs and took the stairs three at a time and came to a scene that he never wanted to see, his husband holding his daughter’s wrist in his hand with force and tears streaming down her face but he couldn’t see his. He quickly rushed to them and was trying to pry him off of her. “Get off of me! You’re hurting me!” she yelled again not noticing her dad there trying to help her.

“Jake, let her go. You are hurting her.” he said calmly knowing yelling wouldn’t help and that’s when Jake realized what he was doing and let go and instantly she cradled her wrist. His face showed a mortified look, he swore from the day she was born that he would never lay a hand on her like his father did to him.

“Sweets, I’m sorry.” he said any trace of anger was gone. He went to go and hug her but she stepped back and he was looking at her and she had a terrified look on her face with tears running down her face pointed right at him, he never wanted to see that look on her face again. He hurt his baby girl, his sweets, his little girl, and the light of his and Bradley’s life. She saw Bradley there but wasn’t looking at him; it was all pointed at him. 

“I hate you.” she whispered but they heard it, and knew she didn’t mean it but it knocked the wind out of Jake, with tears down her face. He tried to go towards her again but she just slammed the door shut and locked it but they could hear her crying.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Bradley asked and that’s when Jake turned to him finally noticing he was there. Jake didn’t answer, just simply turned around and walked downstairs and went to the couch and held a pillow with tears rolling down his face.

“Honey, can you open the door?” Bradley knocked on the door, no answer. He decided to try one more time “Please open the door. Pops is gone.” That did it and the door unlocked he walked in, he shut the door as Y/N sat on her floor in front of her bed, he went and joined her he opened his arms and she climbed into his lap and started to sob. Bradley just hugged her and stroked her hair “Shhh it’s ok. He didn’t mean it. You’re important to him and he loves you.” he said in a calming voice and pressed kisses into her hair. She just cried and cried until she fell asleep. He looked at her wrist and didn't feel anything broken and luckily no bruising either. Bradley got up and put her into bed, luckily she changed before supper after taking a shower, he tucked her in and kissed her forehead, and walked out of her room turning around to look at his daughter before turning off her light and cracking her door.  

He walked down the stairs and stopped at the bottom to look at his broken husband and his heart broke again. Bradley just leaned up against the wall.

"She said she hated me. I hurt our little girl." Jake said, staring at the blank TV screen. He had heard Bradley come down but didn't look at him. 

"She didn't mean it and you know it." He told him as he walked over to his husband and sat down and opened his arms as he did for Y/N and Jake practically fell into them. "I looked at her wrist and didn't find anything." He continued "Did some hurtful things get said? Yes. Are you both going to love each other any less? Absolutely not." He paused as he felt Jake grab his shirt. He looked down and noticed that the pillow had been knocked to the floor. 

"I grabbed her. I hurt her. I swore I wouldn't hurt her like my father did to me but yet I did." Jake said with tears falling down his face. He heard what Bradley said but it was coming in one ear and out the other. Bradley sighed and squeezed Jake just a little bit and then released and dropped a kiss to his head.

"Head up to bed. I'll be there in a minute. I'm just going to put the food away." Bradley said, giving him a little nudge. Jake was numb and nodded, not having any fight left.

"Ok. I love you." He said as he was getting up and started leaving.

"I love you too babe." Bradley said standing up and going into the kitchen to start cleaning up. He heard the door shut and then he began to relax knowing both of them were safe in bed. He stood in the kitchen for a minute and ran his hand down his face and then put his hands on his hips and looked around, once he saw everything cleaned and put away turned out the light and made his way upstairs. He checked in on Y/N and she was still sound asleep, once he was satisfied he walked into his and Jake's shared bedroom getting ready for bed not even bothering that both he and Jake forgot their phones downstairs, since their daughter was in her room asleep. He climbed into bed and Jake scooted back into him and they both fell asleep.

The thunder rolls and the lightning strikes are what woke Y/N up at 3:30 in the morning. She got up out of bed and headed downstairs but not before seeing if her Pop's and Dad's door was shut not a soul was in sight. The house was looking like a ghost town and she was ok with that. She went into the kitchen and it was clean, then the fight came back to her. She couldn't stay in the house, she just couldn't. She silently pulled on her shoes and was thankful neither of them set the alarm and grabbed the keys to her truck, well her Pops' old truck that she can use. She goes out the door and quietly shuts it, thankful that the bedrooms are upstairs and the garage is by the kitchen, she starts it up and heads out. It's pouring down which is unusual for California. The fight keeps playing in her head and starts to cry, in hindsight, she knows she shouldn't drive but she just couldn't stand to be there any longer. She wanted to be with her Grandma and Grandpa Goose.

Her eyesight is blurring with tears when she sees blinding headlights coming right at her before she can swerve. They hit her head on and made her truck spin out of control and hit a guardrail sending her truck tumbling down the road 4 times before coming and landing right side up. Her head had hit the window and now the steering wheel made her disoriented. Glass is everywhere and the truck is almost unrecognizable. Everything turns black.

[littlethingsinlife]

i'm sorry (happier part 2)

A/N: I was not expecting the amount of positive feedback for the first part and I was even more surprised to see people asking for a part 2! It was originally created to be a one-shot but a part 2 really fit well with how the first one ended. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you again for all of the love and support! I hope you all enjoy. I also want to thank my friend, @tummymoth, they really helped me flush out and refine my rusty ass writing (also let me word vomit at them till midnight sometimes).

Pairing(s): Past Lo’ak x Omatikayan!Reader, Ao’nung x Omatikayan!Reader, Slight mentions of Lo’ak x Tsireya

Warnings: Lo'ak's POV, Swearing, Ao'nung saying something sus ONE time

More Info: My vision for this part 2 was to create a reply in Lo'ak's pov. So we'll have a look at what he experienced and thought process (not too sure if any of that made sense) but I was inspired by Joshua Bassett's song "i'm sorry" and it played constantly as I wrote this. Hopefully I was able to do right by my idea haha.

Summary: 7,547

Part 1: Happier

Key:

(Y/N) = Your Name 

Lyrics = Bolded Italics 

Flashbacks = Italics

Na'vi Words:

Yuey - beautiful (refers to a person) 

Skxawng - idiot/moron

Marui - Pods where the Na’vi live

Ilu - sea creature similar to dolphins

Ikran - dragon-like creature 

Tulkun - sentient creatures similar to whales

Olo’eyktan - clan leader/ chief

I thought about what I would say

But I’m two years too late

I can’t imagine how you’re doing these days, hmm

Sure, it wasn’t perfect back then

I’ll be first to admit

But it was better than being strangers again, oh

It had been a couple of months since my interactions with (Y/N) dwindled to terse smiles and barely audible greetings. If you asked me to point out the moment our friendship started to change, I couldn’t tell you. When did our bond start to break? When did it even start to crack? We used to talk every day about all the things we did and planned what pranks to pull on everyone, but now? Now, she barely looked in my direction. Now, she wouldn’t even give me the time of day. 

I couldn’t remember when it started, but I knew that it was somehow my fault I grew distant once we arrived in Awa'atlu. I guess I was just so fascinated by the new environment and people, I didn’t even realize a rift started to form between us in the first place, much less that it started to grow. 

The night before we left to find a new home, I held (Y/N) as she let out sobs filled with fear and anxiety. It broke my heart, but all I could do was hold her and let her cry until she was calm enough to tell me what was on her mind. 

“I-I am afraid, what if the sky people come to find us again? I cannot lose any of you; it would break me into a million pieces,” she sobbed. 

“If they find us then we will fight and we will win,” I reassured her, gently rocking her back and forth. 

“You are an idiot, I was so close to losing you, to losing Kiri, Tuk, how do you think it would make me feel to lose the most important people in my life?” she sniffled. My chest ached at how broken she sounded, but the only thing I could do was assure her and offer her more words of comfort as I held her in my arms. 

“I promise that I will be with you throughout the journey as will my family. We love you, and even if you do not believe it, you are a Sully. And you know what my dad always says.” 

“Sullys stick together,” we chorused.

That night, I cradled her in my arms until she fell asleep. 

Fuck, I completely broke my promise to her, how could I forget? Shaking my head, I tried to reason to myself, “Maybe she just needs time alone. I’m sure she’ll come running back soon once she realizes that it's no fun without me, her best friend.” I felt a small, unfamiliar feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Right?” 

I’m drunk too late talking to the moon

Writing songs I can’t sing to you, ‘cause

“Bah! Stop lying, I know you (Y/N). You would have fought alongside me and defended Kiri. You are not the same girl I knew in the forest back home,” I muttered, rolling my eyes and getting up to leave. Honestly, who did she think she was fooling? The skxawng had the balls to insult Kiri, and all she did was sit back and watch. She didn’t even make a move to help until it was to help him by pulling me off. “Talk to me when you’ve come back to your senses,” I called over my shoulder, refusing to look back. 

“Lo’ak! Bro—” a hand roughly grabbed my shoulder, jolting me out of my daze, “why’re you just staring off like that?” I whipped my head to see who the hell it was that was bothering me, only to be met with Neteyam.

“Did you have to grab me that hard?” I hissed before my initial anger gave way to a heavy feeling. “It's nothing, just—just lost in thought” I sighed, shrugging his hand off my shoulder. 

“Right, sure, nothing.” he crouched down beside me. “Don’t think you can lie to me lil bro, you’ve been spacing out more than you usually do. I didn’t even think it was possible to be more empty-headed than you already are,” he stated. 

“Wha—no I haven’t,” I tried to argue, but of course, he wasn’t convinced. 

“Can you stop arguing with me for once and just tell me what’s going on with you, you skxawng?” 

I scrunched my nose in distaste and inhaled sharply, “(Y/N) and I have been…  distant,” I admitted, turning to look at him. “She won’t even look at me. She either only answers me with one word or doesn’t answer at all.” 

He nodded, motioning for me to continue. 

“I—the last time we talked, I said things I didn’t mean. Things that just came out because I was so frustrated and… and angry. It was the heat of the moment and I—” 

“What did you say skxawng, did you hurt her?” Neteyam interrupted, face twisting to show the beginnings of distaste.

“No, no—” I sputtered and raised my hands to calm him before he could go on an hour-long lecture that I absolutely was not in the mood to hear. “At least I don’t think I did… I just wanted to ask her why the hell she was helping fish lips, that’s all—” 

“You didn’t answer me Lo’ak, what did you say to (Y/N)? I don’t care why you did it, I want to know what you said to elicit such a reaction from her.” By Eywa, if he would just give me a chance to get to the point—

“I—I told her that she was not the same girl that I knew back in the forest..." my ears lowered as the weight of what I said slowly sunk in. “And that she could talk to me once she came back to her senses,” I whispered, internally cringing at my harsh words.. 

“You fucking skxawng—” 

“Can you stop calling me that? I already know, you don’t need to keep repeating it…” I scoffed, looking out into the ocean. I’m good enough at beating myself up over the hundreds of times I’ve messed up in this lifetime, I didn’t need another disappointed set of eyes on me.

My ears twitched at the deep sigh he let out. “Look, I’m sorry that I keep calling you skxawng but that is exactly what you are for saying something so hurtful to your best friend of all people. The two of you were inseparable the moment you were born. Even if you don’t want to, suck up your dumbass pride,” my ears flattened again. It wasn’t pride, I’m not prideful. It—it was me needing (Y/N) on my side. We used to always be on the same page, and when she said I was wrong for wanting to defend Kiri against those assholes, it felt like she was siding with them instead of me, and—

Okay, so maybe it was pride.

  “Admit that you were wrong, and go talk to (Y/N),” Neteyam insisted as he put a reassuring arm around my shoulders, jostling me around to prove a point. “Your friendship is so much stronger and Eywa knows that a heat-of-the-moment argument isn’t going to break that. You should have more faith in her.” His gaze sharpened before he schooled his expression into something calmer. “Just talk to her, yeah?” 

“...Yeah,” I mumbled, swallowing down whatever argument was trying to bubble up from my throat and prying his arm off me. “You’re right. I’ll just clear things up with her and apologize. Everything will go back to normal after that, thanks bro—for listening,” I agreed. 

Ever since that day

The things I didn’t say They haunt me, oh

And I know that I’m to blame 

So, go ahead and 

Blame it on me, oh

Our lessons on the ways of the Metkayina were finished, so it was rare for the entire group to be in the same place. But every once in a while, we all finished our chores at the same time and found ourselves near the shore where we first learned to ride the ilu, and sat around a fire hours before eclipse, laughing and exchanging stories. 

The rarity of these moments made me cherish them that much more, but two people continued to miss our not-so-scheduled gatherings the past two moon cycles. How was it possible that they were the only two to keep missing our hangouts? Were they together? Fish lips had better not be doing anything to (Y/N) or so hel—

“(Y/N)! Ao’nung! You guys made it!” Rotxo laughed. 

“Yeah, yeah, quit shouting will you?” Ao’nung shot back as he sat down next to Rotxo, (Y/N) smiling softly as she followed. 

“So, what’ve you guys been up to? We haven’t seen you in what feels like ten moon cycles.” Neteyam questioned.

“Teyam, you saw me earlier today, you literally helped me feed our ikran,” (Y/N) joked. ‘Teyam? When did she start calling him by anything other than his given name?

Ao’nung swatted her side with his stupidly wide tail and swung an arm around her shoulder with a remarkably punchable smile on his face “More like he was trying to make sure you didn’t accidentally give them your fingers for breakfast. They would’ve gotten indigestion.”

“Haha very funny Ao’nung,” she drawled, “I would’ve fed you to Tekay instead, but she would’ve gagged the moment she caught a whiff of you,” she scoffed as she quickly pushed him away by the chest.

“Wait… Do they even have a gag reflex?” Fish lips didn’t budge, he just had a dumb look of confusion on his face.

“No, but they would defy the laws of biology to gag just for you,” she quipped, sticking out her tongue and moving to push him away again, but the skxawng had the nerve to pull her into a headlock. 

“Oh, yuey, the ikran won’t be the only ones gagging on me tonight,” he argued with a smirk. 

Did I want to punch that smirk off his face? Did I want to gag? Both? Before I could make a decision, (Y/N) grimaced, pushing him away again and smacking him upside the head. 

“That’s actually repulsive. You’re disgusting.”

“Dude, keep it in your pants, her family is right there,” Rotxo laughed, doubled over as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Yeah, we’re right here,” I interjected with a smile—wanting to join in on the jokes that were being thrown around—but it was hard to keep my face from falling when I saw (Y/N)’s bright expression falter. 

“Anyway, what were you guys talking about before Ao’nung and I arrived?” she asked in a too-bright tone of voice she only used when she desperately wanted to change the subject. As if everyone came to an unspoken agreement to forget about the conversation before, one by one they all started talking about who they thought would win in a fight—Toruk Makto, or our Olo’eyktan, Tonowari. 

The sound of laughter and excited chatter faded as I replayed the previous conversation in my head. When did they start joking around like that? Why the hell did fish lips call her yuey like it was the most natural thing in the world? How come she smiled so easily with him but faltered when she sees me? She was probably smiling with him right now—

I looked over at her, a pit in my stomach already forming at the idea of her smiling at him, but she looked so distant, so withdrawn from everything around her. Before I could even blink, she put a delicate hand on Ao’nung’s arm to grab his attention and mumbled something in a hushed tone. After a few beats of silent conversation, Ao’nung nodded and gave her a look of understanding. 

Why did he look at her like that? How much time did they spend together to be able to understand each other with just a look? How much time have I wasted breaking my promise to her while she grew closer to someone else? 

 Standing up, I made up my mind that I would talk to her and clear up any miscommunication. There was no way in hell I was about to let fish lips ruin our childhood friendship. Before I could even get close, Neteyam pulled me aside. 

“Bro, why’re you glaring at everyone?” he asked with concern written all over his face.

“Glaring?” I tilted my head in confusion. “I’m not glaring, this is just my face.” 

“No, no.” He shook his head. “I’m your brother, I know your face. Whatever look you’ve been throwing at Ao’nung and (Y/N)? You may as well have been throwing knives at them.”

Behind Neteyam, I could see (Y/N) get up to bid everyone good night and slowly walk in our direction. This was my chance, I just needed this overbearing idiot to leave me alone. 

“Whatever look you think I’m giving to them, you’re wrong,” I denied. “Can you not act like this right now?” My tail flicked side to side impatiently, an obvious twinge of annoyance clear in my tone. I licked my lips nervously as I could hear footsteps coming closer. Leaning slightly to the side, I looked behind Neteyam to see (Y/N) and—

Ao’nung? What? Why is he there? 

“Good night,” (Y/N) muttered, not sparing us a glance as she walked past. I followed her every move and—as if everything slowed down—my eyes narrowed as they found Ao’nung’s hand placed on her lower back, leading her gently in the direction of the marui. 

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry 

Though it's far too late

“I did it! Did you see that Reya?” I shouted—out of breath—as I showed off the shell Tsireya threw. 

“Yes, yes you did it!” She exclaimed, excitedly wrapping her hand around mine. For someone who spent so much time underwater, her hand radiated so much warmth. So easy to hold. My heart swelled with pride as she continued to compliment me. “You’ve improved so much!”

“Yeah? Well, I had a great teacher,” I joked, nudging her softly with my shoulder. It wasn’t just her hands that were warm either, she just seemed to radiate it.

“Oh stop, you flatter me too much,” she denied, fidgeting with her hair. Was that a blush on her face? “C’mon, why don’t we catch up with the others? Private lessons are officially done for the day,” she announced as she led me to shore. Oh Eywa, she looked so pretty like this, with her hair flowing down her back and the way her eyes cast down when she became flustered. And her smile, it was a smile that could knock the air out of my lungs.

While we walked onto shore, we joked around and laughed with each other, talking about anything and everything. The ease of each reply and joke came as smoothly as gliding through the water on an ilu—as easy as breathing. Laughing at another one of Tsireya’s jokes, my eyes scanned the village as we approached it. Families were winding down for the day as they cooked dinner, although I didn’t see mine anywhere nearby aside from Kiri. 

My smile slowly dropped when I was able to make out Kiri looking frantically around as if she was searching for someone. Tsireya and I made our way to her, worry filling the pit in my stomach. As we got closer, I could see Ao’nung climb down one of the roots of the Mangrove trees and make a beeline toward her. My eyes stayed on both of them, making sure that fish lips didn’t do anything to Kiri. 

Ears twitching I was able to make out the words, “(Y/N)? Did you find her? ” from Kiri as they were carried on the wind toward us.

“Yeah I did, I was able to get her to eat, but she’s not looking too good,” Ao’nung replied with concern lacing his voice.

Brows furrowing, I pulled Ao’nung by the shoulder. “What do you mean she’s not looking good? Where is she? What did you do?” 

“What the hell do you mean? I didn’t do shit, freak.” I rolled my eyes at the insult. He couldn’t use that thick head of his to think of anything else to call me? From the pained look on his face, I could tell that my grip on his shoulder had too much pressure. Good. Served him right.

Before Ao’nung and I could continue our argument Kiri groaned, “Will the both of you skxawng shut up! I’ll go talk to her.” My eyes followed her retreating form as she went to talk to (Y/N)—tail lashing back and forth in agitation all the while—before turning back to Ao’nung.

Who the hell did he think he was? I’d beat his skxawng ass if he hurt (Y/N) in any way. He had no right to look so damn worried. They weren’t even close. What even happened? How long had she been missing for Kiri to go to fish lips of all people for help? Should I follow Kiri? Why didn’t (Y/N) come to me? She always came to me, and if she came to me now, I absolutely would have listened. Why—

“Lo’ak? Hey, are you okay? Lo’ak?” a hand softly placed itself on my arm. Closing my eyes in frustration, I sighed. 

“Yeah, perfectly fine.” 

Damn it, was that when it started? How idiotic and blind have I been that I didn’t even notice that her trust in me started to slip and die when it was right in front of me? Why didn’t I go to her and make sure she was okay? I should’ve punched that idiot’s lights out—

“Ao’nung! Stop pulling me you skxawng, you’re walking too fast, slow down!” a hushed voice chastised. 

“C’mon yuey, we only have about an hour before eclipse, we have to hurry!” His voice grated against my ears as he responded. 

“That’s plenty of time!” (Y/N) insisted. I could hear the laughter bubbling up in her voice as she chased after him. “Please Ao’nung slow down, I can’t keep up.” 

“It can’t be helped, you’re so short—” a whack could be heard. “Ow!”

“I’m as tall as Tsireya, you giant!” 

“Both you and my sister are short—Ow! Alright, just because you did that, you leave me no choice,” Ao’nung said, throwing (Y/N) over his shoulder with a laugh. 

The bickering voices got closer, and my eyes narrowed at the way he held her. My breath hitched as he whispered something in her ear that made her ears perk up and her eyes widen. What the hell was he saying to her? Before I could spring up from my spot, Ao’nung tossed (Y/N) in the water, her yelp quickly interrupted by the sound of her body hitting the water. 

I stayed in my spot as shock zipped through my body. Letting out a breath I didn’t know I held, her head popped out of the water, a playful glare on her face. 

“I told you, you left me no choice,” he stated, guffawing at her expression.

“Oh yeah?” she groused, spitting out seawater as she wrung out her hair. “Well fuck you too. Help me out of here?” 

“Only if you say the magic word,” he taunted, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Otherwise, I’m afraid my hands are tied.”

“Please, oh great son of our Olo’eyktan, help me out of the ocean,” she beckoned dramatically, sarcasm dripping from every word while she rolled her eyes. “It’s about time you recognized my proud lineage, forest dweller,”  he said as his chest puffed out with a hand reaching towards (Y/N). And there was that stupid smile on his face.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, a mischievous smile spreading across her face as she reached for his hand, making sure to tug with enough force to unceremoniously yank him into the water. 

“So much for the son of a great warrior! Your instincts are shit!”

“My instincts are dull you say?” he questioned as his head popped up next to her. “We’ll see about that!” 

“Wha—AHHH—'' she wheezed. “No, please Ao’nung stop! That tickles!” Her arms flailed wildly in an attempt to free herself from his grasp. 

What the fuck.

  My ears flattened at an angle as I tried to process the scene unfolding before me. When did she start laughing with him? That should’ve been me she was laughing with. Not him, not the skxawng who had been nothing but rude to us since we arrived. What… what was I even saying—Fuck I didn’t know anymore. Why did I feel like this every time I saw them together… laughing and making jokes like we used to?

And it was me, it wasn’t you

It’s cliche, but it’s true 

I wasn’t thinking how I usually do, oh

And is your momma doing well? 

Or does she still hate me? 

But it was hard to watch me put you through hell 

I’m drunk, too late, talking to the moon, ooh

Writing songs I can’t sing to you, ‘cause 

Two weeks had passed since I started noticing the changes in (Y/N)’s relationship—friendship?—with Ao’nung. It was like every time I blinked, I could see her laughing loudly as Ao’nung tickled her with a triumphant smile on his stupid face. Since that day, I had been trying to find a way to talk to (Y/N), but she was never alone. She was always with him and when she wasn’t, she disappeared and I couldn’t find her no matter how hard I looked. 

Now here I was, wandering around trying to look for her as I rehearsed what I wanted to tell her. 

Where could she be? Dinner was in an hour and she wasn’t anywhere near our marui. I had to find her soon so there would be enough time for us to talk. I had to tell her that I miss her, that I was sorry for being so dumb, that I shouldn’t have let my pride blind me, and that I didn’t mean any of the things I said. 

There was only one place I hadn’t looked yet… hopefully she was there. 

As I was getting closer to the root Kiri stalked to, I could see two silhouettes beside each other. An all-too-familiar feeling bloomed in my chest once I registered that she was there with him. 

Her melodic laughter made my steps falter. I clenched my fists tightly, contemplating if I should go over there and pull her away, force her to talk to me, to listen. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t do that to her, not when she looked so content, so happy. 

Ever since that day 

The things I didn’t say 

They haunt me, oh

I know that I’m to blame 

So, go ahead and 

Blame it on me, oh

“Lo’ak? You said you were going to look for (Y/N) and never came back. She’s already in the marui helping mom cook,” Kiri stated, a twinge of annoyance lacing her voice. “Hey, are you listening?” She shook my arm slightly, making me jump out of my stupor. 

“Yeah, sorry, you said dinner was ready?” I asked as I stared off. 

The sand beside me crunched softly as Kiri made a move to sit beside me. “No, I said that (Y/N) is with mom helping her cook. Where is your head at?” she asked as she tilted her head to try and meet my gaze. “Are you alright?” The annoyance in her voice shifted to concern. 

“I’m fine, yep—just… fine,” I brushed her off, hoisting myself up to head towards Mom and Dad for dinner before Kiri yanked me back down. 

“Lo’ak, don’t pretend you’re okay when you’re not. Tell me what’s going on,” she urged. “Maybe I can help you with whatever it is that’s occupied your mind lately.”

I inhaled sharply, debating if I should tell her what had been muddying my mind, the reason why I had been so spaced out, why I had been glaring daggers at fish lips each time I saw his stupid face next to (Y/N)—how confused I was. 

“Stop with the thinking skxawng, you might hurt yourself,” she admonished. “Just tell me. It’s not like I can’t handle it.” 

Huffing, I rolled my eyes and turned away from her to look at the sea. I hadn't even said anything yet and Kiri was already making me feel idiotic. How was I supposed to tell her what's been going on like this? Maybe if I kept quiet for long enough, she would get tired of waiting for me to start talking and go on to eat dinner without me. 

A couple of minutes of silence passed. 

I could still feel her staring at me.

“I’ve—I’ve been conflicted,” I started, tongue feeling heavy in my mouth as I continued to stare at the shoreline. “I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

“What do you mean?” Kiri nudged my shoulder with hers. “Elaborate a little more, I can’t help if you don’t tell me the reason why you’re feeling confused.” 

“...Whenever I see (Y/N) with Ao’nung, it’s as if I can feel my heart aching,” I said, motioning toward my chest to prove my point. “There’s always a… a surge of anger that rushes through me. All I want to do is pull her away from him so then everything can go back to the way things used to be—for us to be okay.”

“Lo’ak…” If I was looking at her, I’d probably see Kiri tilt her head with sympathy. But sympathy isn’t what I needed right now.

“I want her to look at me and smile, to laugh with me, hug me—but now, whenever I get close to her, she’s next to him, laughing with him, cracking the jokes we would make to each other… I just—” I rubbed at my face in frustration. It wasn’t as if the words were hard to come by—I had spent so much time bottling them up that it was hard to stop talking. No, I just hated the fact that I felt this way in the first place. “I don’t understand why seeing them makes me feel like my heart is about to explode—why it makes me want to scream. It hurts.” 

“Lo’ak” she put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you—are you in love with (Y/N)?”

Love?

I sputtered in surprise and whipped my head toward Kiri to see if she was joking or not. What kind of a sick question was that? I wasn’t in the mood for any games. 

“What? No, she’s like my… sister?”

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “If you’re not, then why does seeing her with Ao’nung hurt you so much? Why do you care as much as you do?” 

“I shouldn’t!” I wrenched my shoulder away from her hand and stood up. The need to move around and do something—anything—was too much. There was too much energy thrumming right beneath my skin to sit still anymore. 

“That’s the problem! After everything I said to her, done to her? I don’t have the right to say I’m in love with her. She’s my childhood friend, Kiri. That’s all our relationship has ever been… I just—” I paused in thought and tried to calm down. “I didn’t realize seeing her have so much fun with someone else would make me feel so, so hollow—” 

“Let me ask you something, you have to promise to be completely honest with me, okay?”

I nodded, not even looking in her direction. 

“When (Y/N) tried to pull you off from Ao’nung that one fight months ago, what did you feel? Angry? Betrayed? Jealous?”

Jealous? Did she really think I was sulking for months because of such a petty feeling? I’m not a jealous person. I never have been. 

“Seeing her jump in to get me off him made me feel like she was siding with him and telling me that I was wrong. Her actions were clear as day to me, Kiri.” I started to pace around. “She was protecting him—caring for him when she should’ve been next to me, helping and supporting me. When she did that—I felt like the only person that’s ever been on my side—” I croaked and turned my head to look at Kiri as tears stung my eyes “The only person who didn’t see everything I did as some sort of disappointment or failure, abandoned me and chose someone else.”

“...”

“I know that I could’ve approached her a different way but how could I when I felt so broken?” I inhaled sharply, eyebrows furrowed. “ It’s all fish lips’ fault. If he wasn’t such an asshole, none of this would have happened, and (Y/N) and I would still be the same, she would still be by my side—supporting me, loving me.” 

“Why do you keep blaming it on Ao’nung?”

“Because it is his fault that things have turned out the way it has.” I threw my hands up, exasperated. What wasn’t Kiri getting? “He’s getting in between my relationship—er—friendship with (Y/N)! If he wasn’t there I would be able to talk to her and tell her I’m sorry, but she’s always with him—”

“Stop! Are you hearing yourself?” She nudged at my foot to interrupt and scoffed. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? (Y/N) told me what you said to her, how ‘she wasn’t the same girl’ you knew back in the forest. Do you know what happened when you told her that? Do you know how much pain she was in?”

Pain? I snorted, turning towards Kiri. “Now I know what you’re saying is bullshit. You know how (Y/N) is—if she really was pissed at me she would’ve come to me instead of running to someone else.”

“She wasn’t pissed. She cried because of you, Lo’ak. Because of what you said.” I stopped dead in my tracks to look at her. Kiri's eyes didn’t waver. Another heavy feeling settled on my chest and clawed its way up my throat. If you had asked me what it was, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. Was I sad? Guilty? Angry? Was I jealous like she said?

I settled on anger.

“If you’re saying what I think you’re saying—”

“The person that found her that night, the one who comforted her? That was Ao’nung. He held her in his arms as she sobbed when I found them.” She stood up too, forcing me to stop pacing. 

“The last thing I want to hear about right now is him, Kiri. What the fuck—”

“Did you ever think about why she’s so comfortable with him now? Why they’re so close? While you ignored her for weeks, he made sure she was okay—made sure she ate every day. He didn’t leave her side until she finished,” Kiri pointed out, and before I could even think to open my mouth to remind her how shitty he was to her especially, she cut me off. “Yes, he was an asshole at the beginning, and yes he has a screwed-up way to show he cares, but he stepped up when you fucked up.” She poked my chest with a glare before she continued. 

“Oh, so I’m a fuck-up now?” I asked wryly. 

“You can’t put all the blame on someone that took care of your best friend. Stop being so blinded by your pride and hatred and see that you’re the real reason why your relationship with (Y/N) isn’t the same as it used to be.” 

My heart sank a little more as I scrambled for something to say. “How could you say that—”

“No, you do not get to interrupt me right now, Lo’ak.” Her eyes flashed with something closer to anger than annoyance. When was the last time I saw her angry? “Listen and listen well. When we couldn’t find (Y/N) and we were looking for her everywhere—he was the one that found her spot, the one she isolated herself to so she could cry alone, and no one would see how much pain she was in. And what were you doing in the meantime?” 

My ears flattened at her rising tone, and I was finally beginning to understand the weight stuck in my throat and chest. Not anger, not even jealousy.

“You were out there with Tsireya, stuck in your own little world.”

It was my fault.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy that you found her but you can’t have both of them. You can’t be that selfish. From (Y/N)’s perspective, you’ve already chosen the one you want.”

“It’s not like I’ve actually chosen anyone yet,” I tried to interject, but all the fight had left my voice as Kiri’s words dug into my skin and sunk in.

“Don’t you dare play with either of their feelings. (Y/N) held so much love for you in her heart, she allowed herself to break to the point of no repair because she didn’t want to show you how much it hurt her to see you at your happiest with Tsireya.” She paused before continuing, her voice losing its edge. “Let her move on, brother. And if it’s Ao’nung that makes her light up the way she used to, then you suck it up and let him. He was there when your pride wouldn’t even let you apologize or even look in her direction. Actually think about how she feels for once.” 

I hated the fact that there wasn’t anything I could say to prove her wrong. 

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about nowadays,” I muttered.

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry, hmm

I’m sorry 

Though it’s far too late 

“I thought I was already doing that,” a faint voice huffed in annoyance. Turning the corner, I saw Ao’nung and (Y/N) standing on the beach together— far too close for my liking. 

“You were, but you got sloppy. Here, you have to move your hips like this,” he said as he corrected her posture. My ears flattened against my head as he put a hand on her hip and gently directed her movement.

Why did he look so gentle with her?

“Ao’nung,” (Y/N)’s voice rang out, clear as crystal despite her uncertain tone. “Are you sure you should be teaching me this? This is a traditional Metkayina dance, right? I’m…” she hesitated, her voice becoming smaller. “I’m not Metkayina—” 

“Yet.” He interrupted, holding her face in his hands. “You are not Metkayina yet. Once you become one of us, you will have to learn the dance to celebrate the return of our spirit brothers and sisters, so why not learn that now?” I hated how reassuring his voice was. The thought of how either of their eyes looked as they held contact made my stomach turn.

“Yeah… you’re right,” she mumbled with an unsure look on her face.

“Woah, hey pretty girl, look at me,” he insisted, laying his hands on her shoulders and bending his neck so they were at eye level. “I’m serious when I say you will become Metkayina one day, so don’t worry yourself over it right now. Okay?” Ao’nung tilted his head to the side, an unbelievably soft expression on his face. “You have me here to help you.”

“Alright…” (Y/N) mumbled, not convinced. 

“If you don’t get rid of that look on your face I’ll throw you into the water,” he said as his face shifted from sincerity to something mischievous. “Or worse… I’ll tickle you,” he threatened.

“You better not Ao’nung, or I swear to the Great Mother herself I will hu—AHH—get away, you skxawng!'' She laughed as she tried to run away, but Ao’nung grabbed hold of her waist and pulled her into his arms. And despite her words of protest, it was clear as day that she was leaning into him while they scuffled on the sand. 

“No!” she shrieked with glee. “You can’t make me go in there again!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that, forest dweller!”

A thought occurred. Should I go up to them? We never got the chance to talk, after all. I took a few steps in their direction before freezing. When was the last time I heard her laugh like that? She had the biggest smile on her face, and the one who made that happen wasn’t me—it was him. 

And if you ever hear this 

I hope you know that 

I’m not proud of who I’ve been, ooh

And if I see you again

I hope you know that 

I wish you nothing but the best

And my biggest regret

The afternoon was quiet, relative silence only interrupted by the crashing of waves. Without much to do, I just sat in our marui and lazed around with Tuk until a horn blew. 

“The tulkun have returned! Everybody—our brothers and sisters have returned!” Tsireya’s voice rang out, and when I poked my head out to see what the fuss was about, I saw the megawatt smile on her face, as she swam by on her ilu. 

The village came to life as everyone mounted either ilu or canoe to make their way to the tulkun. From here, I could see little more than a large group of dark shapes making their way through the water. Payakan himself was dauntingly huge, but to see a whole pod of them show up like this? It was spectacular. I watched the commotion unfold from one of the walkways, lost in thought before I felt water splashing at my feet. 

“Come on Lo’ak! Don’t just stand there, let’s go see the tulkun together!” Tsireya urged, still smiling. Shaken out of my stupor, I grinned widely—diving into the water and clambering onto her ilu. lu may be lithe animals, but I could still feel sinuous muscle under velvety skin as it made adjustments in the water to keep balance. 

“I’ll come, but only if you’re offering a ride,” I joked, gently holding her waist and playfully leaning onto her. The cool water around us made her skin feel that much warmer. It was nice. 

Before I could see her reaction—I would’ve bet anything at that moment that her cheeks had become flushed—we began to quickly make our way toward the rest of the clan and the giant tulkun. 

The air around me vibrated with the excitement and happiness of loved ones returning, and Tsireya was no exception—the speed of the ilu gave away her eagerness to be with her spirit sister. As we leaped into and out of the water, Tsireya’s laughter was carried by the wind and reached my ears. That, and the answering whoops and bellows of Metkayina and tulkun alike, was almost contagious enough to get carried away by the energy surrounding us. 

“My spirit sister is down there,” she said as she dismounted, sliding off her ilu and into the water. “Wait here, yeah?” she smiled at me before diving down.  

I was more than happy to watch the Na’vi around me. Looking around, I was in awe of the sheer amount of tulkun gathered in one area, and how each Metkayina was able to identify their spirit sisters or brothers so easily. Looking down into the shifting waters, I saw Tsireya catching up with her spirit sister, waving her hands around and swimming through the water alongside her.

All around, I could hear people telling stories and the deep, booming calls of the tulkun as they responded with tales of their own. New parents were showing their babies and calves, and as my eyes scanned the horizon, I could see small children holding onto the tulkun’s fins as they were lifted to the glittering ocean surface.  

Not too far away, I heard the sound of a body hitting the water and the sound of grating, but familiar laughter along with an indignant (Y/N) sputtering. 

“Ao’nung, what the fu—” 

“Hey, hey, relax! It’s just some water. There are children here, yuey,” Ao’nung chided with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“The parents of those children are going to have to explain what it means to return to Eywa once I’m through with you,” she retorted, treading water and becoming even more unamused when he raised his hands in mock surrender. 

“Woah there pretty girl, you’re talking to the son of the mightiest warrior in all of Pandora—”

“That’s funny, I don’t see Neteyam here,” she interjected, pretending to search the waters around them before turning back to Ao’nung and tilting her head, “do you?”

“Just because you said that you can have fun finding your own way back to shore,” he said as he turned his ilu around.

“Oh, c’mon Ao’nung, don’t be like that,” she rolled her eyes and reached a hand towards him. “You’d really leave me here to fend for myself?”

He turned and wagged a disapproving finger at her, “I’ll consider forgiving you if you say word-for-word that I’m the son of the mightiest warrior in all of Pandora. I can’t have you slandering my father’s name, yuey.” She groaned and leaned back into the water. 

“You couldn’t pay me enough to say that load of bull—”

“Nope!” he didn’t give her a chance to defile the ears of any nearby children and crossed his arms. “I wanna hear you say it.”

“...”

“I’m still waiting.”

With a sardonic smile, she finally caved. “Why don’t I do you one better? You’re the mightiest warrior to exist since the time of the First Songs,” she declared, sarcasm dripping from every word as she slapped at the water for emphasis. 

“That’s what I thought, was that so hard?” Even if I wasn’t able to see them, I still would have been able to hear the stupidly wide smile that made its way across his face.

“Don’t be such a big baby and let me meet your spirit brother!” 

“Just because he’s here to visit today, I’ll let that one slide for now.” Ao’nung rolled his eyes, dismounting his ilu to join (Y/N). “Now hold on tight and hold your breath like how we practiced.”

We? Who the fuck was we? Why was he allowing her to meet his spirit brother? Why were they looking at each other like that?

I watched both of their silhouettes submerge and breathed deeply, forcing my thundering heart to calm as I slowly sank my head into the water. At first, all I could see were blobs floating around in the water, but once my eyes adjusted, I could see the fluid movement of Ao’nung talking to his spirit brother. Eyebrows furrowing, I swam a little closer and hoped that I would be able to see what was being signed. With each movement made, it was clear that Ao’nung was translating the clicks and bellows of the tulkun to (Y/N), and whatever was being said made her smile widen by the second. 

I couldn’t watch anymore as my chest burned from the lack of air and I resurfaced to catch my breath. For once, I was thankful for the lack of lung capacity I had. I climbed back onto Tsireya’s ilu. Seeing as she wasn’t back yet, I sat back and leaned on its neck to face the sky.

Did she always glow like that when she smiled? Whenever she was with him—she always looked so happy, so vibrant. Would she have looked like that with me by her side if I didn’t push her away? If I was there for her like I had promised? I wanted to tell her sorry—that I was sorry for taking our friendship for granted, for making her go through it alone. I wish that it didn’t take seeing her smile and laugh with someone else to make me realize how I felt.

I willed my tears to go away. 

Is this how she felt? Seeing me with Tsireya? Great Mother… I was truly horrible, wasn’t I? I wished things turned out differently. Maybe in another universe, I did talk to her—realized sooner, made her happier—but now? Right now, my heart was torn in two, watching as someone else picked up the pieces of the heart I crushed. No amount of words could fix what we used to have, and even though I wanted to whisk her away, tell her I love her—that I see her—that seeing her with him made my skin crawl, I knew I couldn’t. I was no longer worthy to be part of her life, because of me and my actions alone. 

I had become nothing but a stranger. 

Ever since that day 

The things I didn’t say 

They haunt me

I know that I’m to blame

So go ahead and 

Blame it on me, ooh

I know that I’m too late 

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry

I’m sorry 

Hmm, I’m sorry 

Oh-oh-oh-oh, I’m sorry

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[akzgaj-writing]

How to write an INFP (Guide written by the INFP)

I decided share with my observations, toughts and opinions about an INFP. There's in internet a lot of memes/prompts/other things about this character but it's often stereopical. Sooo, I want to share something form me – hope that it would help for creating an INFP character well.

Contents by @akzgaj-writing

Prompts:

We are not a crybabies. For example: if a lot of people watch emotional movie (for example Titanic) and cry on this, the INFP often rolls the eyes and moan or think something like that: "Maybe I'm heartless? Or maybe they are pretending? Or maybe is something wrong with me? Or maybe this move is boring?" We will cry faster becouse of a trampled flower, a burnt meadow, a dewastated ancient building – or just becouse of seeing a rainbow in the sky or shining dew.

In the other hand, an broken or unhealthy INFP can cry often, but also can be rude and passive.

Honestly, the INFP have stoic and often emotionless face – you never will discover what real happen behind this mask. I often hear: "Why are you never smiling?" Or "Something happend?"

We overthinking. Too much. We are overhelmed by thoughts.

Ah, we love to think. INFP is not a mindless hippie. We have an analítical mind and we love to analyze everything and everyone – even out of boredom or curiosity.

INFP knows how to copy* other people's behavior, other people's point of view, and is able to get into someone else's shoes – we don't* do it for any evil purpose – just becouse out of curiosity and the desire to understand something. We are good actores and we are flexible but we are not fake – we don't pretend anything to everyone.

We have strong morals. We believe in one truth, and a healthy INFP believes (or want to belive – if is unhealthy or broken) in that, is the good and the evil in the world – there's not a gray zone. You are on one side – you are good, or you are evil – the good cannot do evil, and the evil cannot do good. This is example of thinking of an INFP.

Oh, and we not understand or rather – we despise people who change their values and views depending on the situation. Even if we disagree with someone's worldview, we understand that someone has reasons for having such a point of view. But when someone changes everything to please someone else or do it for money – an INFP despises this person but won't show this (or will show this in bad day).

INFP will defend their opinions and values to death (of themselves or someone :')

Adult INFP often or rather, always (but not always in everyone) will lost faith in humanity – but don't they say it – or like me, will show this for everyone ;) laughing is the best cure for broken heart.

We love to dream! INFP like to dream about a better world or want to escape from this world to their world – for various reasons: boredom, tiredness, a desire to escape from troubles and stress, or to rest. But most often is it becouse we quickly lose interest in the gray world and look for another one – one that will have our values.

INFP is cute and sweet type or dark and badass. Or can be both.

We are sensitive but we don't like to show it becouse we are afraid of being mocked. For this reason, we do not want to share our dreams and desires that we keep deep inside. If we're talking about it, we talk to someone that we trust very much.

Anyway, the INFP can sometimes, depending on emotions or situations, be cold and insensitive.

We are introvertics but if in the front of people who we likes, we turned into extravertics and talks and laughs a lot.

We want and we love to help for people who we love.

We want to show a warm feelings to people, and we envy other extroverts for thier social skills, but at the same time we are reserved and cold. Yet we are soft inside.

INFPs often blame themselves for simple things, falls and failures, accusing themselves of being too sensitive and moral. But we are also proud of having our own ideals and morality, at the same time.

INFP can be out going, playful and adaptable.

In the other hand, the INFP sometimes in bad times can be rude, stubborn (in this case some INFP can be proud of this), proud and ironic.

We love deep talks and we hate small talks – the INFP feels in this last one very awkward and want to disapear.

We isolate from others becouse we are tired and we need rest. We like quiet places.

INFP is very idealistic type – try be better version of themselves and want do good for the world. But often do small but big things for the family or the friends. We don't like big attentions (sometimes – we like to get praise but not very attentional, becouse feel awkward).

INFP is an artistic soul – draws, write, decores etc. – likes manual or intelectual work. We like people who like this too.

INFP often in their writing or drawing, show their values or opinions.

INFP often think that maybe is the INFJ or even the INTJ – becouse of their analitical mind and often cold nature, it's easy make mistake and be confuse.

We take everything too much personally.

INFP outside looks stubborn, cold, proud and passive.

INFP is loyal and wants the same from others.

INFP love and dream about old fashion romance. Often like dominant types (but healthy dominant – but it is subjective and everyone has their own taste).

I will write other post about love between INFP and the other's MBTI.