#and for now I haven't seen any takes on this that could've convince me that this analogue is compelling there

[tenok]

.

[cherrysnip]

i hate you (affectionately) — jeon wonwoo

pairing: wonwoo x reader

content: fluff, college au, tutor!won, junhui is your twin brother

wc: 770

"Hey Y/n? Are you okay? Why do you look so glum?" Your older brother Junhui pinched your cheeks waking you up from your reverie. You just sighed and removed his hand from your face.

"Maybe I really did something bad on my past life to deserve this punishment," you shook your head in dismay. "Why do you even have to suck all the genius blood in our mother's womb and then left nothing for me? What a twin brother you are."

Junhui let out a hearty laugh. He's obviously enjoying this. "So you're being like this because Wonwoo is tutoring you?"

"Do you really have to ask?" you hissed at him. "You could've at least convinced Mom that you'll just be the one to tutor me. You're one of the top students, for God's sake!"

"Yes, but I'd rather not do that because one,” he held up his hand before you and folded a finger. “You're unbearable and you always have a lot of things to complain when I'm teaching you. Two, I have better things to do and three, I'm helping my bestfriend earn his voluntary work hours."

"Just say you love your bestfriend than your own sister."

"I don't. I still love you more. But this might prove beneficial to you in the long run, just give it a shot."

"And how would it benefit me? I would have to spend an hour a day with your prick of a bestfriend! Do you know how torturous that is for me?"

"Well, I think not as torturous as me having to put up with all your unreasonable whining," said a familar voice which was obviously not Junhui's. You turned around only to find the person you have been badmouthing right now. He's still wearing his university uniform with his spectacles on.

Okay. It's hard not to notice that he looks so handsome with it but of course, you're not gonna admit that out loud.

"Bro, you're finally here!" Your brother greeted him and they did this fistbump thingy they always do when they meet each other. "Just please pretend you didn't hear what she said. She didn't have her daily fill of coffee so she's a little dramatic right now."

"She's always dramatic," Wonwoo shrugged. "I'm used to it by now."

You automatically groaned in annoyance, "Don't talk that way about me like I'm not here!"

They both stared at you for a second until Junhui tapped Wonwoo's shoulder. "I'm gonna leave her to you now. I know you can handle her."

Wonwoo nodded, "I guess I have to try my best."

Before you could hear any more of their snide remarks, you already turned around and marched your way to the study room where you will be doing the tutoring session.

It didn't take long until Wonwoo finally followed you. He put down his things first on the table before looking at you.

"Y/n," he calmly called and you swear you could feel his stare digging to the deepest part of your soul. "Won't you give me a hug?"

Your lips broke into a wide smile as you rushed over to him and encircled your arms around his neck. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, babe. Haven't seen you in school the whole day and when I finally came here, I had to hear you call me prick," a hint of sulking was etched on Wonwoo's voice.

"You know I didn't mean that," you said and cupped his face using both of your hands. "I just had to put up a show to my brother. I had to hide my excitement or else he'll know."

"Truth is, he already knows Y/n..."

"What?"

"Jun already knows were together," Wonwoo chuckled upon seeing your shock-stricken face. "He actually set up this whole thing. You know he could tutor you himself but he convinced your Mom that I should do it."

"I bet that's why he was laughing at me earlier. I might've looked so stupid. He's really a menace! He should've just told me the truth," you buried your face in his chest while he tightened his hold on your waist. "And you even agreed with him on calling me dramatic!"

"Because it's true?" he teased which earned him a slap on the back from you. "Nonetheless, it's still one of the many things I love about you, Y/n. It's part of your charm."

You giggled upon hearing what he said, "Should we just go on a date?"

"No," he replied. "We should get some tutoring done today or your brother would wring my neck."

--♡--

[crippling-pages]

reasons to ship Tiana (tam and biana) <3

@innereverblaze You asked to be convinced on which ship (Tiana or Dexiana) you should ship, and I am here convincing you to ship Tiana. This is also there for anyone else wondering why I ship Tiana or why YOU should ship Tiana. Thank you.

*cracks neck* Okay lets do this

Tiana is the pairing between Tam and Biana, and their ship is AMAZINGGG. These are just a few of the tropes in their ship

Grumpy/sunshine

Opposites Attract

Emo/Bright

Introvert/Extrovert

Popular/Outcast

These are their main tropes, though there are a ton of other smaller tropes too! (Ex: Rain/Sunshine, Sun/Moon, Talks A Lot/Will Listen (for me, I hc that that one can go for both).

Moving on to moments in the book; it's a fact that all the boys (Dex, Keefe, and Fitz) had/has a crush on Sophie. One after another, they each picked Sophie. All three of them. But, when we meet Tam, instead of falling for Sophie like the others, he notices Biana. The moment being when Keefe says, "The Foster Fan club is closed" or something like that, Tam blushes says he isn't interested, then proceeding to glance at Biana,which shows that he may be interested in Biana, not Sophie. He doesn't like Sophie right away like the others did, he sees Biana and he likes Biana. And Biana has always had a problem, not being noticed or seen. She was the 3rd child of a famous family; Alvar was the oldest and already doing great things (to their knowledge), and Fitz was a super powerful Telepath. And she was just Biana, at the time. When people saw her, it was for her status or her brother. And when Sophie came along (wanna be clear that I'm not blaming Sophie; forever a Sophie stan), everyone started to talk about Sophie, including her own brother and former crush. Now it seemed like one of the few parts of recognition she got was given to Sophie, the mysterious and multi-abilities girl with humorous talent, and everyone was thinking about her. And then we meet Tam. Like I said before, Tam takes interest into Biana. Before the crew officially meets Tam and Linh, Tam contacts Biana this time, to contact the others. He could've chosen any of the others, expect he chose Biana. And since then, he's always been Biana > Sophie.

And Biana does similar to Tam. When Sophie and Fitz go to visit Tam and Linh in the beginning of the book during Lodestar, they come back and Biana complains, saying that they were lucky and this implies that she wanted to see Tam again too. Later in the book, when Sophie, Dex, Fitz, and Biana go to visit Wylie, they spot Tam reading in the sitting area, and Biana changes her mind and goes to sit next to Tam. She smiles, and then says, I quote, "Plus, I haven't seen you in forever!" Note the fact that she says "you," not "you and Linh." Biana was excited to see Tam again that she decided to say there with him instead of doing what their original objective was. Tam replies to this, smiling shyly. After all, no one has ever wanted to be with him before. He was a twin and a shade as a child, and both were taken as bad things, so he probably was very alone as a child, with no friends or anyone other than Linh to talk too. But now, he sees Biana wanting to talk to him, choosing to sit down and catch up, saying upfront that she missed him. None of the other people in the group have really directly talked to Tam before (for the whole series, if I may add) that isn't for Neverseen or Black Swan related purposes. Continuing on, Tam replies to Biana (again, smiling shyly), "I hear we'll be seeing more of each other soon." (That could be recognized as flirting but I don't think Tam knows what flirting is during this moment of time so it's probably not). This suggests that he is actually excited and eager to see Biana more often, and as we know form Tam, he doesn't that excited often. From these moments and interactions, we can confirm that both Biana and Tam, ever since first meeting, find interest in each other and want to learn more about the other and want to see each other more, are are excited when they get to be together.

There are another handful of moments in Lodestar between them, but there are two more that stand out to me the most. (Three, technically). One is the oh so famous scene when the group is at the Exilium training area, and they're talking about Marella, and the Biana points out that Marella is staring at Tam. There are a few other comments by the others. Tam himself is surprised, by this, and simply says "Okay" and lets the topic go. Biana, however, does not. She says something along the lines of, "Okay? That's it? That's all you have to say?" implying that she's shocked that Tam doesn't have another say on this, and he starts blushing at Biana questions, since they hint that she's eager to know what he really thinks. This can also be seen as possibly jealousy; She sees Marella staring at Tam, and giving him a flirty smile; she'd want to know if Tam finds her cute in return, or that he might be interested in her, and the thought of that makes her jealous. Tam is saved from responding, because Linh speaks up and says "He doesn't like her. He likes brunettes." She says this smirking, and directing it at Biana. This may mean that she's trying to subtly tell Biana that Tam finds her cute, or pretty. Tam then says, "Gross, why do you know that?" Note that he isn't denying it. He isn't saying that he doesn't like them, he's asking why Linh knows this. Linh then says, "Because you aren't as sly as you think you are." This could mean that Linh has noticed how Tam acts around Biana. She noticed how he looked at her in Neverseen after being asked about joining the Foster Fan Club, then denying it. Maybe Tam has looked at Biana other times that weren't noticed by Sophie, but by Linh.

Another moment is when Biana tells Sophie that she and Tam found something in the Silver Towers. Sophie asks what she meant by her and Tam, since to Sophie's knowledge, only Tam was was working there, and Biana explains that she went to visit Tam early that day. This suggests that Biana wanted to see Tam again. As I said earlier, Biana was and is eager to see Tam again, and this is another moment being proof of it. Along with this bit, Tam had to spend hours in the Silvers Towers per day, so that means that Biana got to spend hours alone with Tam, and they probably had learned much more about each other and had gotten closer. Later, when they're in the Silver Towers, Biana says to Tam, I quote, "Go on. Show them how cool you are." Tam blushes at this. As the statement says, Biana thinks Tam cool, and that matches up with Biana wanting to spend more time with him. This is also another time Biana has complimented him (she once complimented him about his ability in Neverseen ,calling it an 'anti-vanish'). Tam is insecure about ability, hence likely being judge a lot as a kid and his parents being disgusted, and with Biana constantly telling him its impressive and cool, he starts to feel less bad about it and left insecure.

There are a few more moments in Lodestar, but for now I shall be moving onto Nightfall, quite possibly the book with the most Tiana moments, and I'll be doing them in bullet points so I don't have to write anymore paragraphs so it'll be easier for you to read. (Hence there are a lot, we'll be doing the biggest and my personal favorites)

Nightfall Moments (With page numbers)

On page 217, when Forkle takes about sending Tam and Linh back into Foxfire, Biana squeals and gets excited, saying that they'd see each other more, hang out during study hall and team up in PE. This is another moment showing that Biana gets happy and excited at the thought of spending more time with Tam.

Page 384, when Sophie, Fitz, Tam, Biana, Livvy and Grady are in the Forbidden Cities, Biana points out that a bunch of girls are staring at Tam. This is similar to what she did when Marella was looking at Tam.

Page 387, Biana tells Sophie that she and Tam didn't find anything in Candleshade; Candleshade is big, with hundreds of floors; it would take hours and many days to search, so that would mean that Biana and Tam would have spent even more time together, just the two of them alone. Again. Multiply times. During these times, they've definitely have gotten much closer and know much more about each other. (At this point, I feel like they've definitely gotta a crush on each other.)

Page 397; when Biana, Sophie and Tam are talking about what they should wear when sneaking into Nightfall, Sophie says "What about Tam?" and Biana replies saying that he'll be alright if he "ditches his shirt." This implies that Biana wants to see what Tam looks like without a shirt on; this is also likely Biana subtly flirting with Tam. Tam is embarrassed, and says that he'll get cold, ever the oblivious.

Page 442; Marella says that Biana is possessive of her brother, and Biana replies that she isn't possessive, and that she doesn't like it girls use her to get to her brother, since to them, Fitz is the best looking boy in the school. She then says to Tam, "Linh must know how that feels." And that suggests that Biana thinks that it is very good looking, or just as good looking as Fitz, and that a lot of girls would go up to Linh because they would want to get closer to Tam. This again, could be Biana subtly flirting.

Page 447; I feel like people sleep on this one a lot. It's when they're trying to figure out where to put Alvar after finding him in Nightfall. Tam says that Choralmere could work, since it be unexpected and the Neverseen wouldn't expect it. It's basically Tam subtly saying to Biana "I'll bring your almost dead brother to my abusive home for you even if I really don't want to go see my parents and house again but it okay because your more important and I care about you."

Pages 451-452; Possibly the most underrated Tiana moment in the series, and it's when Tam and Biana talk about the the cruelty of Tam and Linh's parents, and what their parents did to the them. Biana brings up how screwed society is, and how she feels bad about how her life is/was almost perfect, and that it's that way because of the "Vacker Legacy." She said that she wished she could like others in bad situations, like in the one Tam and Linh were in. Tam comforts her, telling her that she doesn't need to feel bad, saying that it wasn't her fault. He said that she didn't know how bad the world was, that not a lot of people do. This makes Biana feel a lot better, thanks to Tam. (Not gonna lie, Sophie third wheeled in this scene.)

Page 457; Another minor one, but while they were talking about Alvar, Biana's eyes start to tear up and she moves to go look at the portrait of Tam. She was in a room full of art, with many pieces and decorations, yet she decided to look at the painting of Tam.

Page 474; This is my favorite moment in the series (I made a post about it, you should check it out!). It's when Tam stops and notices that his portrait was re-painted, and Biana says that she did it. It shows how Biana disliked the portrait, and that she didn't believe it represented Tam right. Even though it wasn't hers, and that it belonged to Tam's mother, she spent time and repainted it. I feel this says a lot about what Biana thinks of Tam. (It was basically was: Biana: *repaints the picture of you your mom made because I didn't like it and because it wasn't truly you and you're amazing and should be recognized as you are now not as you were before or like how your abusive parents see you as*). Physic/Livvy also says "not to spoil the moment" implying that Tam and Biana were having a moment.

There are a few other, smaller moments in the book, but these are the biggest and main moments. To my memory, Flashback has two moments and they're minor, but still say a lot.

It's when someone says that Tam should look in Everglen for clues and stuff, but Fitz says that his parents might not let him because of Alvar. Tam replies saying, "Don't worry. Biana would let me in." That means, despite the Alvar situation, Biana would still let Tam inside Everglen to search around. She also decided to help him.

Around the end of the book, when they're fighting the Neverseen, Umber shoots an arrow of shadowflux at Biana. Not Linh, who we knows means a lot to Tam. Not Linh, who Tam would sacrifice his life for. Umber didn't shoot the arrow at Linh, but at Biana. This could mean that Umber sensed how much Biana meant to Tam, and that he might've cared for her as much as he did for Linh.

Flashback was more of a Sophitz/Sokeefe book, so there wasn't a lot. Moving on to Legacy, there were a surprising about of moments, despite Tam not even being there. (Note that I haven't read Legacy, and that it's my least favorite book in the series, followed by Stellarlune.) I don't remember much from Legacy, but I do now some vague moments, but otherwise these won't be that good and that accurate.

Biana has mentioned, a handful of times, about getting Tam back. When she can, she brings up Tam. This means that even when he's not there, she thinks about him.

There was a few scenes in the book where Biana says that she misses Tam.

There's this one scene, and it's when Sophie and Biana are talking, and Sophie's "Happy Shadow Thoughts" t-shirt is brought up. Biana says how she really wanted to get one. This suggests Biana saying that she wanted to have the shirt because it was about/related to Tam. (She trails off, after saying that she wanted a shirt of her own, a look of longing and sadness appear son her face.) Biana and Sophie also talk about Tam's kidnapping, and Sophie comforts her.

After everyone walks up from being knocked out during Keefe's transformation, Sophie says that Tam will help them, and when Biana wakes up, the first thing she says is "Tam?" Since we already know that Biana missed Tam a ton, one can only assume that one of the first things she did after Sophie left was go and hug Tam...

And that's that for Legacy. (I swear that only good parents in Legacy was when it was about Tam).

Moving on, we have Unlocked and Stellarlune. Unlocked has this one moment (though it is a VERY important one), while Stellarlune doesn't have any Tiana (or Dexiana) moments. Let's do Unlocked.

In Unlocked, on page 676, Fitz teases Biana for rushing up the stairs to Solreef. He says that "she's dying to see Tam" and then stage-whispers to Sophie "My sister' a fan of silver bangs." While this is two facts for the price of one (that Biana missed Tam a whole lot, and that Biana finds Tam cute and likes his bangs), what Biana says next is "Really, Fitz? You want to talk about crushes?" And this is important, because Biana, sweetheart, when the hell did Fitz mention ANYTHING about crushes??? Hmm? When?? *proceeds to jump up and down because this literally confirms that Biana has a crush on Tam* (Biana also then blushes bright red after what Fitz said, and I quote from Sophie, "which was either embarrassment or confirmation. Or both." And we all know that when an author says "or both" 98% of the time, it is both.)

And that is that. All (almost all) of the Tam and Biana moments in the series, along with in-depth analysis for each.

Furthermore (yes, I'm not done), let's talk about the characters themselves.

Tam's character is shown as the stoic, quiet, and 'emo' character (he isn't actually emo, though. He's just seen that way because of stereotypes). Biana is the sparkly, bright, and the princess of the series. Their opposites. But they also have a ton in common!

Both have siblings (trust me, you can relate about siblings)

Both have expectations from society and their parents

Both have once been hated on (Biana with the Alvar situation, and Tam... in general.)

Both are underrated and underappreciated people.

Both can be snarky at times.

Both are stereotyped (Tam being a Shade and people automatically assuming he's evil/not a good person; Biana being a spoiled princess because she's the daughter of a powerful family.)

Both are important and valuable people.

Literal icons. They're so icon.

BAMF duo.

Traumatized.

There are other kinds of similarities between the two, but these are the main ones.

Either way, both would bring out the best in each other. Biana's brightness would bring out Tam's, and Tam would help Biana become more confident with herself. They would help each other with their trauma, comfort each other, and just help each be the best they can be. Tam would be able to talk to her about the Neverseen, and his parents, and Biana could talk to Tam about her scars, and Alvar. They even each other out and help each other be better. All in all, they're good for each other and would make each very happy.

And finally, here are some my Tiana headcanons to show you how cute they are <3

Biana buys Tam bouquets or flowers. One time, Tam mentioned that he liked flowers, and the next day, she arrived at Solreef, blushing a very bright red, and handed Tam a bouquet. Linh had to deal with a happily dazed and swooning Tam for a full 15 minutes.

They have movie nights at Solreef. (Solreef has a mini theater for when they watch human movies.) They'll cuddle up on the couch together, laughing and having fun, and falling asleep.

They are the MOST competitive people you will ever meet. On their own, they're competitive, but together, oh boy is it dangerous to be on the other side. Almost everything is a competition. Sometimes they've had to sit out in Base Quest because they made it too much of a deal. Sometimes the crew does Tam and Biana vs. Everyone else (Tam and Biana almost always win).

Tam's ticklish. Like, really ticklish. Biana's one of two people who knows (the other is Linh, though she doesn't really acknowledge it anymore) and she 100% uses it to her advantage. If she wants to go shopping but Tam's being a bit lazy, she'll just carefully graze her fingers on his side... Or sometimes she just wants to see Tam laugh. It makes her feel good. She loves him laughing, and smiling, and giggling. She gets all warm and fuzzy inside. ...Or when she's just bored.

Tam designs and makes clothing for Biana. (I headcanon that he's obsessed with clothing and fashion, like Biana is.) After Biana got her scars, he promised her that he'd show her that they can and are beautiful. A few weeks later, he comes to Everglen, and hands Biana one of the most gorgeous dresses she's ever seen. It was because of seeing how beautiful she looked in the dress did she start realizing that her scars were a part of her now.

Physical touch is probably their biggest love language. Like, no matter where they are, they need to be in some kind of contact. Walking in Atlantis? Arm around waist. Black Swan meeting? Hand holding. Lunch with the crew? Hand on knee/thigh.

Tam has very unnoticeable freckles around his cheeks, and sometimes Biana will just stare at Tam from across the room, counting them. (To be fair, she'd stare at him either way.)

Biana gives Tam a ton of compliments. He's never really been complimented as a child, or even now, so when they start dating, Biana's 10x more open about complimenting Tam. She'll start casually calling him "pretty" or "amazing" or "literally the best person in the entire world" etc etc. And since Tam isn't used to it, he almost always gets all blushy and shy and giggly about it.

Every time Biana hears Keefe joke about Tam being 'shady' and 'darkness in the flesh' she's smirking to herself because the Tam she knows is literally the cutest, funniest, and most adorable thing she's ever seen.

Tam's 6'2 and Biana's just about 5'5 (when they're completely grown). Tam teases her about being short.

Tam takes Biana out on dates in Atlantis often. He knows how much she loves shopping, so they'll go to a few shops and look around, and he'll get her a few things.

They're the biggest on cuddles. It's the most important thing EVER to them. They won't (intentionally) do it when others are around. Neither of big fans of that much PDA. But when its just them, CUDDLES <3

Tam's ace, so kisses are rare coming from him, and it makes Biana flustered. Sometimes, he'll kiss her just to see her blush.

They secretly date for the longest time ever, and at one point, they just don't care anymore and are way more open about their relationship in front of everyone. And obviously, they don't tell anyone about the sudden switch, so everyone's like "??? What??? When did they get so close??"

They love each other so freaking much and I ship them so hard I could EXPLODE

And you have it <3 Why I ship Tiana, and why YOU should too <3 thank you.

(tagging because I can): @keefe--sencen @swans-chirping-in-the-distance @frizzle-mcshizzle @theleopardstalker )

[quinnydoll]

You should watch Eureka Seven

So there's this neat little show I watched before I turned 10 when I couldn't understand a goddamn thing, and it caused me to think about the cool aesthetics of giant robots flying around stylishly on boards as naturalistic trails flow behind them.

I rewatched the show recently with my lovely nesting partner, because I wanted to revisit its world, and I was offered so much more than I remembered. Yes, the show is absolutely what I just described in the previous paragraph/run-on sentence(fuck you this isn't a school assignment) but it's also SO MUCH MORE.

I'm not going to beat around the bush, there's a singular gif I can show people that usually convinces them to watch it with the added info that this isn't just a super highlighted moment, it's just what the show looks like:

(side note: if you haven't seen this show in its entirety, do not, I repeat DO NOT search for gifs of it on this site, never have I ever seen such a dense wall of spoilers)

Still with me? I'd hope so after that display! Also, for non-mecha fans, PLEASE I am begging you to still give the show a chance, it's so worth it!

So we need to start off with this show's worldbuilding. The giant robots can wait, because first we have to address the most glaring thing: everyone seems to have access to these boards that seemingly allow them to levitate and travel in midair on these almost fluid-like trails. These are explained as Trappar Waves, and not much is explained about them early on. I'm going to keep my explanation brief, because it's way more satisfying to watch the mystery unravel through the course of the show.

Basically, the planet this takes place on is full of these waves, and that's one of the main things that everything relies on, and why we can see effectively airships that are just perpetually suspended in the air without need to refuel constantly. This is what allows them to stay up. Also the reason why we see characters with their nifty little boards. Oh yeah, the giant robots have those boards too.

That's the main thing I wanna address about the world of this show, because explaining the rest would genuinely spoil so much of the show, and the experience would be extremely reduced by me explaining. Just trust me, it's really good.

Now, the format of the show is actually masterfully done. The first arc involves the immaturity of the main character, and the format of the show reflects it heavily in the very slice of life format as our main character is enchanted with the conditions he's been put into. At this stage of the series, it's not very serious, and its stakes are pretty low.

As it progresses though, it eases you into a far more coherent overarching narrative in a way that feels really natural and well done. You'll never really "notice" the point at which "shit gets real" or anything, you'll just find yourself way more interested in the bigger picture of what's going on, because the show puts a larger focus on it.

There's a romance story in it too, and it's actually really well done, which is something I haven't really seen effectively done in a lot of action anime, but I think in this case it's because they don't really treat it like a "subplot." They do a really good job of tying it into the main story, and they make it feel pretty real as a romance, and by the end, the payoff is the most satisfying one I've seen of really any romance plot that isn't necessarily the actual main focus of a story. I genuinely feel like they could've conveyed the story they did without the romance plot, but something truly impactful would've been lost had they gone that route.

I think it's not unfair to compare this show to Neon Genesis Evangelion, but at the time, it would be doing both stories a serious disservice. Evangelion is a really effective exploration into nihilism and mental illness, but Eureka Seven feels like a direct response in the way it delivers its story. It feels like it did a Better Rebuild™ before the Rebuild movies even came out.(let it not be said that I don't like the Rebuild series, it's legitimately in my top ten.) Early on, they communicate a lot of the same themes, but then Eureka Seven diverges hard with how it explores the intricacies of interpersonal relations and how people will strive to do better and how people can genuinely be better to each other. I feel like the way it delivers that is genuinely way more effective than even the extremely cathartic conclusion to Evangelion 3.0 + 1.0.

Seriously though, if you're not interested in watching this show, I don't know how to convince you. It's truly a fantastic show, and it's honestly taken the spot of "favorite anime" in my book. I am no longer a Gundam fan, but an Eureka Seven fan who also likes Gundam. You're going to love this show, even if you're not into mecha anime.

[nomi-c]

Jealously at hand

{Wooyoung x Reader}

Genre: Smut, jealousy, Fingering (f. Receiving), Petnames (babe), squirting

Wordcount: 2,4k

__

"By the way from all the kpop idols you stan, which one has the most attractive hands in your opinion?" You ask your best friend over the phone.

"I don't know they all kind of have sexy hands, I haven't really thought about it." Your best friend replies in a thoughtful voice.

You look over to your boyfriend who's currently on his laptop checking tracks for the upcoming album.

"If I'm being honest I think my favorite hands of all my biases are Hyunjins, I mean have you seen his hands??" You tell her quietly looking over to Wooyoung in hopes he didn't hear you.

His hands stopped in their tracks for a second before he kept on typing.

Phew he didn't hear me... thank god he's wearing headphones!

"If Wooyoung hears you, you're done for you know that right?" Your best friend asks you a little worried.

You laugh. "He's wearing headphones so I'm all good." You steal another glance at Wooyoung who's stretching his neck now.

He's annoyed you think to yourself.

You tone down your voice a little just to be sure as you walk towards the living room. "You know what I also found out? Someone from Stray kids said the hand is XL but the phone is XS! So imagine how big his H-"  before you can finish your sentence, your phone gets ripped out of your hands.

"Woo-" you start but Wooyoung interrupts you by shushing you.

"Ha-ri, Y/n will call you back later." You watch as he ends the call right before you.

You look down to the floor, questioning how much he could've possibly heard. You feel his index finger and thumb on your chin, when he lifts your head to make you look at him.

When your eyes connect, you're met with his piercing and fierce gaze. "what were you taking about princess?"

Your eyes go big and you gulp. "Just normal

girl talk..." His left hand softly strokes over your cheek, but his gaze is still burning a hole through you.

"Girl Talk? You know I get jealous easily, so I don‘t really like you talking about other mens hands." His one eyebrow raises a little and the corner of his mouth pulls up a little.

I'm in danger! You think to yourself as you're taking a step back.

Wooyoung follows you instantly, his smirk is getting even bigger now. Like a hunter that cornered his prey and is just waiting for his final attack.

You can feel your heart racing, and your palms getting sweaty.

"Why do you love Hyunjin's hands?" His voice sounds calm with a hint of humor in it, but you know better he's a Demon and everything you will say will add to your punishment.

Wooyoung gets closer to you and rests his hands on either sides of your shoulder, and pushes you lightly till your back softly collides with the wall. "Answer me Princess." His smirk is evil now, and his gaze is dark and unreadable.

"I-" you begin but he cuts you off by speaking up.

"I'll show you all about my hands Princess, you won't  consider to even look at any other guys hands ever again."  His left index finger starts tracing over your collarbone softly leaving a burning trail on your skin where he touches you.

Your eyes follow his movements carefully, taking in every little movement like a cat on the hunt that targets its prey. Heat rises inside of you, as your thoughts spiral in your mind like a tornado. Each little touch seems to ignite the fire within you even more, setting you on fire as little goosebumps appear wherever he touches you.

Taking all your braveness together you lift your eyes to look your boyfriend in the eyes, just to find him already staring down at you with a wicked smirk. You know how to push his buttons too well, and you wouldn't be you if you didn't make use of that ability.

A big smirk plasters on your lips as you  trace your fingertips down his arms, slowly and softly following the prominent veins down his arm. His muscles tense under your fingertips slightly "And what if you can't convince me babe?" you see that spark you've been dying to see for awhile now and in this moment you know you have him right where would want him to be.

His eyes fall down to your plump lips for a second before he fixates his gaze back to your eyes. He lets out a low Chuckle that almost seems like a growl while his right hand softly takes a hold of your wrists. "Wanna bet?"

Before you know what's happening his lips crash on yours in a passionate kiss, and you find your hands trapped above your head pinned down by Wooyoung's strong iron grip. This for sure would leave a mark, but hell you wouldn't mind it just now.

His left hand grips one of your wrists and while deepening the kiss, wooyoung lays your hands behind his neck and breaks the kiss for a second. "Up" you do as you're told and shortly after you find yourself hanging on your boyfriend, his hands on your ass holding you in position.

Wooyoung makes his way to your shared bedroom, setting you down softly on your king-size bed. After removing his shirt and pants, he kneels down before you only in his boxershorts, his broad shoulders and abs illuminated softly by the setting sun outside of the massive window. He and looks up at you while his fingers softly trail up your leg. Once his hot gaze meets yours again he squishes your upper leg, and causes you to jump in surprise. His gaze connects with yours hot and mad at the same time "explain." He orders you in a firm voice.

"Woo-" His gaze stops you from continuing. But after a second you try again, knowing he won't stop till he knows it all. "Babe, it was just a girl talk."

Wooyoung let's out a Chuckle and leans before you, his left hand still drawing circles on your tigh while his right arm traps you. His face is only mere inches away from you, and his hot gaze and breath on your face threatens to take all your sanity restly.

His left hand wanders up your body and finds its way to the strap of your dress, where he plays with it softly while a dark smirk plays on his lips. "What do you love about his hands so much?"

You take a deep breath. "They're long-" your breath hitches when wooyoung slides down your straps, and your dress pools down at your hips.

His brow arches up, and his jaw tenses. "Anything more?" He asks while trailing down his index finger between the middle part of your bra down to your stomach.

Your eyes fixate from his firm arms and the veins that pop out, and travel over his hand till you finally focus on his finger that makes its way down down down to the hem of the dress.

His voice now low and hot against your ear. "Eyes up here Princess." Your head snaps up and he lets out a huff that sounds almost like a breathless laugh, and leaves a soft kiss on your ear and neck. "You're tempting me, but you won't get away this easy. Keep going, what else?"

When he looks at you again, you remember his question through your hazy mind. "They're skinny..." you explain more and he nods his head. Once again he squeezes your thighs and makes you jump, he reacts quickly and pushes the dress over your ass and down your legs in a soft motion.

When he looks up at you again, his eyes are filled with pure fire. "Anything else princess?"

Not sure if you should fire his jealousy much more you take a deep breath and gulp.

"H-his hands are veiny" You stutter staring down at your boyfriend. He starts laughing while his fingers softly graze over your panties, causing you to gasp and squirm under his light touch.

His fingers find their way to the rim of your panties, where he takes a hold of it. "Wearing my favorite color I see" wooyoung says with a dark smirk, as his finger traces along the soft fabric, that covers your dripping core. When he looks at you again his tongue peaks out from the corner of his mouth slowly sliding over his bottom lip.

You feel a bolt of electricity jolt through you accompanied by a tight tug in a certain lower area of your body causing you to try and close your legs. "Don't even try, look at me." He orders you in a voice that causes you to push your hips forward a slight bit.

Following his order you look down to see his vibrant Red hair that frames his sharp features, and his piercing brown eyes that stare up at you. "Look at my hands." He orders.

You do as you're told and cautiously look down his vainy arms that flexes with force, in the very next second your red lacy panties are nothing more than a sad ripped piece of fabric that sits on top of your removed dress. "Hey! Those were my favorites!" You exclaim slightly annoyed by your boyfriends destroying spee as you feel yourself clench around nothing, being even more annoyed that you love his roughness.

Wooyoung quickly gets up and in an instant he towers over you. Your back collides with the soft mattress under you and you find yourself Trapped between the bed and his strong arms, his thumb softly glides over your bottom lip that parts instantly.

His eyes travel back from your lips all the way up to your eyes. Leaning down close to your ear, you feel his warm breath on your ear and neck. "Those sexy panties of yours won't be the only thing I'm gonna break tonight darling." He whispers in your ear with a raspy voice, and in the very next second his lips crash on yours in a passionate kiss once again.

Your hands snake their way from his firm shoulders into his soft hair, where you give them a slight tug. Knowing this drives your boyfriend crazy you can feel his body heavenly pressing down on you even more, his clothed hardness pressing up to you with each rock of his hips. A deep moan leaves him as his teeth softly take ahold of your bottom lip asking for entrance.

You Instantly allow him access, and feel his tongue enter your mouth eagerly in a battle of dominance. One of his hands finds your cheek which he softly caresses, while his other hand makes its burning path down your body.

Promoting himself on his one elbow he doesn't break the heated kiss, when his right hand softly travels down your neck to your breasts, where his thumb and index finger take a hold of one of your nipples and pinches it. You let out a breathy moan while your back arches at the intensity of his touch.

"W-wooyoung" you whimper breathlessly when his full lips move to your neck and play with your sweet spot leaving purple Marks everywhere his lips connect with your skin. "You're mine. Only mine." He growls at you and you whine.

His hot kisses trail down your neck and once he reaches your breast, his mouth instantly cups your other breast, his tongue flicking your hard nipple roughly eliciting another moan to leave your lips. His free hand travels further down your stomach, drawing soft circles on your lower abdomen.

"W-woyoung please!" You cry out, feeling more and more worked up with every slight move of his lips and each flick of his tongue.

"Please what babe?" He says against the soft skin of your stomach while his nose draws the line his hand did preciously.

"Pl-" your words get stuck in your throat when his fingers glide over your folds, collecting your wetness and parting them in the process making your hips stutter.

Wooyoung places soft kisses around your bellybutton as his thumb starts to softly circle your clit. Once again your hands wander to his hair, pulling them tightly, a desperate whine leaving your lips while his left hand spreads your legs even further apart.

You can feel his smirk against your stomach grow big when one of his fingers enters you, and you start to moan his name.

His finger pumps into you at a ruff speed, making your heart race, and your thoughts vanish.

Wooyoung lifts his head and stares up

Into your eyes, the intensity and fire in them making you shiver and clench around his finger. "Already so wet for me, and we haven't even started." He says in a raspy voice, his tongue gliding over his lips in a dark and seductive way.

Before you can respond a second finger enters you making you arch your back when he curls his fingers, repeatedly hitting that spot that makes your brain dizzy and moan his name

with each thrust of his strong fingers into you.

"Could his hands do the same?" He asks in a firm and demanding voice.

Taking your last working braincells together, and feeling your climax racing at you in top speed, you answer him breathless. "N-no only you!"

Wooyoung smirks satisfied picking up his speed, as your hips meet his fingers with each harsh thrust of his fingers making you moan even louder while your hands fist the bedsheets. "That's right, only I can make you feel this way with just my hands." He growls lowly against your skin.

"B-babe....Close" You whine once again, your back arching as you feel the tidal weave is about to hit you any second now.

"Look down" He orders you in a deep voice, which is already almost enough to send you over the edge.

You prompt yourself on your elbows to look down at your boyfriend, seeing his veiny muscular arms flex with each heavenly thrust into you, and his slender fingers pump into you in a unholy speed sends you over the edge hard.

You let out a loud moan as the sweet release washes over you intensely. Wooyoung still pumps his fingers into you to help you get down from your high, as your whole body becomes a shaking mess and you feel a weird sensation when your walls clench around his slender fingers.

Your eyes pry open and focus on your boyfriend, whose eyes holding a darkness you've never seen before.

Embarrassment turns your cheeks rosy as you realise what just happened. "I-Im sorry Woo, I didn't mean to-"

In an instant his lips connect with yours in a demanding hot kiss. Looking down directly into your eyes he pulls his fingers out of you slowly linking his in your release coated fingers clean, causing hot pools inside of you once again. "I knew you loved my hands but enough to make you squirt?"

You hit his arm in embarrassment, and he laughs before his eyes grow dark again.

"So fucking perfect for me." He burries his head in the crook of your neck and whispers close to your ear, his hot breath fanning your while his boxershorts join the rest of your clothes somewhere on the floor.

Your legs curl around wooyoungs waist as his tip lightly brushes over your core, collecting your wetness and release causing you to shiver slightly.

His head falls down, a light moan leaving his lips as he eases his length into you.

His hand caresses your hair and cheek lightly, when he starts pumping into you, his hips hitting yours with each powerful thrust of his hips.

When his lips land on yours again his features grow soft and challenging at the same time. "Bet I can do It again."

--

AN: Hey guys! I hope you liked this ff 🤭 I'm still relatively new to writing Smut so it might be a bit rough around the edges, but I try my best to get better at it. Have a good day Atiny ♡

[oracleofapollon]

tasm!peter with dialogue “You look so stupid.” / “Well, that was the idea since I dressed as you.” and scenario corn maze

join my celebration ♡

thank you!! i haven't written for pete in so long, it's always a pleasure :)

You've been planning it for a month. Ever since you saw that Spider-Man merch in a random store you walked into.

Of course clothes inspired by your heroic boyfriend are a very common thing in NYC – everybody wants to show their love and support for the masked vigilante. You certainly aren't a stranger to Spider-Man Halloween costumes, but this? This was the worst thing you've ever seen. You love it.

You were looking for a new pair of sweatpants – nothing extravagant, some cheap ones you could wear at home. So when you saw a blue pair with a red spider on the backside? You grabbed them immediately. And when you were going to go pay for them you saw it.

It was a t-shirt on sale. Black with big red letters saying Spider, but with 3 legs and a bunch of suggestive winking emojis floating around. 

You laughed hard. Hard.

(One lady almost made you leave).

And now here you are, looking for Peter in the corn maze. Even though you two have been living together for almost six months, you made him leave before you so he didn't see your "surprise". 

"Oh? Surprise?" he asked in a teasing tone when you told him about your plans. "In public, though, babe?" A lopsided smile adorned his pretty face and that made your knees buckle a bit. Even after all this time, his flirting made you weak.

"Shut up." 

So now you are so giddy to see his handsome face and the expression he's going to wear once he sees you outfit and how he's–

"Boo," a warm puff of air lingers on your right ear and neck making you jump with a startled gasp.

Turning around you face your ridiculously hot and (extremely annoying) boy smiling with the most devilish grin on his pretty face.

"Peter! Jesus Chr– are you trying to kill me? Give me a heart attack? Is there a single thought behind those eyes?" Despite your scolding voice your eyes were full of love, just like every time you look at Peter Parker. And he notices, pecking you quickly.

"Sorry, babe," he murmurs while wrapping a strong arm around your waist. "Saw your god-awful pants and needed to punish you."

"God-awful? They're inspired by your suit," you whisper, making sure no one else was around.

"I don't remember having a spider on my ass though?" Acting slightly offended he grabs your hand and intertwines your fingers. "Is that your surprise?" he asks, starting to guide you towards the path in front of you, swinging your hands between the both of you.

"No! Baby, you've seen nothing yet."

Peter faces you and raises a suspicious eyebrow. You just simply unzip your jacket, standing still.

You can feel your boyfriend's scrutinizing gaze on your revealed top as you search his face for even the slightest reaction.

A second, two seconds…

And then he bursts into the loudest laugh you've heard in a while.

Tiny wrinkles frame his honey eyes, mirth twinkling in them. Nose scrunched up, corners of his mouth brought so high you think they might graze his ears any moment. And the sound of him? Boyish giggles, sudden gasps of air. He laughs so hard he becomes silent for a second, not being able to take a breath. 

And you can't help but laugh along with your boy, share this moment of silliness in the most ridiculous setting you could've come up with.

"You- you look so stupid." He struggles to mutter the words, but they're full of affection and love and fondness he holds only for you.

He looks so young like this, you think. With glassy eyes and reddened cheeks and toothy smile. His reaction is worth everything – your money, dignity, effort.

"Well, that was the idea. Since I dressed as you." Your sarcastic words could not be even a bit convincing as you were beaming like crazy, joy filling every tiny vein in your body.

Your boy shook his head at you. "I cannot with you, Casanova."

"Right. Kiss?" 

His lips are soft on yours, meeting each other in a chaste kiss.

"How about we get outta here and you tell me more about my- what was it? Three le-?"

You shut him up with another kiss.

[willel]

WillEl + Henry's Connections

A week or so ago I ran a poll to see how other people felt about Will's connection to all this. Here are the results:

Seems like most of you are on the same page as me. For a while the "it was planned before the gate opened" was winning and that kinda surprised me. The result is still pretty close too.

With the release of the play, it gave me more thoughts about this. I won't be going into detail about the play but if you're still avoiding any details about it, you can skip this post.

Generally, the play revealed to us that this Upside Down thing has been going on for a while. Not just that, but the Mind Flayer has been playing a long game with Henry as his main pawn.

I'm not really sure what they're intending to say about Henry's involvement in all this, but I personally view it this way: The Mind Flayer heavily influenced Henry's mind leading up to him killing his family. There was a turning point where he could've overcome the Mind Flayer, but he gave into the urges and hasn't looked back since. Right now, Henry and the Mind Flayer are of one mind and body. Maybe that will change in the future, but as Vecna, I think this is pretty obvious.

That leads me to El's place in all this. We're told in the play that he, in a round about way, is the source of the rest of the kid's powers. His blood in particular is special and by injecting pregnant women with it, they will also gain power.

I'm on the fence about this as well, as I still believe powers can exist out in the wild, just nothing as ridiculously strong as Henry, El, or the rest of the children.

Anyway, Henry saw something in El that I guess he didn't see in the rest of the children. It brings me to wonder, was it Henry that saw something in El, or was it the Mind Flayer?

My idea is that: Henry and the Mind Flayer had entirely different goals but El was key to both of them. In El, Henry saw her potential and wished for her companionship to "reshape" the world to their liking. Was it her potential power? Was it her status as an outcast like him? Was it her creativity that couldn't be stifled by the sterile environment? (we haven't seen too much of El's art but I'm convinced she's a crafty gal)

In El, the Mind Flayer could maybe detect her sleeping power to tear holes between the realms. This is key to the Mind Flayer taking over our world and killing everyone after all.

Whether El lived or died, Henry and the Mind Flayer needed her and they eventually got what they wanted. A way to open the gates. A way to destroy/reshape the world to their liking.

And so, this brings me to Will. How does Will fit in all this? There are so many questions surrounding his kidnapping and possession so let's revisit them again one by one.

Pre-gate opening 1979: So here's the thing. Leading up to El opening the gate in 1983, I feel like we're lead to believe Henry (and the Mind Flayer) were completely cut off from the real world. No scanning or peeking in or anything. Just trapped in an alternate dimension. Eternal solitude. Enough to drive a mad man even madder.

Then when El accidentally opened the mother gate in 1983, I feel as though Hawkins changed forever. Even after the gate closed, I think the Mind Flayer and Henry could now see into the real world whether a gate was open or not. The ending of season 2 with the Mind Flayer overlooking Hawkins Middle School seems to support this.

HOWEVER, the play suggests the Mind Flayer could always peer into the real world and influence people. Specifically, despite there being no open gates, "possessed" Henry did not die and could be influenced and controlled from the other side.

So, this makes both the top poll options potentially true.

Maybe before the mother gate opened in 1983, the Mind Flayer already knew about Will and was waiting for a chance to kidnap him? The question would be WHY though?

The second option is Will wasn't in the picture until after the mother gate opened and he either became a target right as he left the Wheeler's home or right when he met the demogorgon face to face in the street. The question would still be WHY though.

My guess as to why? I believe leading up to Will's kidnapping, El was still the desired target. They had one gate open sure, but that would be suboptimal for a whole army. El's power to open gates was even more critical to obtain now that they could physically reach her again.

But it's not a good idea to pull all your eggs in one basket right? Maybe like Henry way back in 1950 something, Will as a person made an excellent puppet? His personality, his disposition, his emotional history and social outcastiness made him a perfect Henry sympathizer.

By that I don't mean Will is a Henry fan, but more that due to their similarities, someone like Will would be easy for someone like Henry to project onto. Possibly literally.

But that can't be it, right? We saw in season 3 that the Mind Flayer could pretty much possess and use anyone he wanted? I mean, he killed all those people to make the Meat Flesher but he didn't HAVE to do that. Or did he? Can only some people handle being possessed by the Mind Flayer? Is there some kind of special fortitude needed to make one a viable host?

The show writers have hinted out and outright stated that Will will play a big role next season, but if Will was nothing but a host, then why would that be?

There must be something about Will that puts as big of a target on his back as El. There must be something deeper in that brain of his that has Vecna and the Mind Flayer still chasing after him all these years later.

They're on the verge of winning and have a whole army ready to go... but for some reason Will is near the center of this conflict and may play a big role in this?

So yes. Those are my thoughts on the matter. Feel free to chime in if you like.

To summarize, I think El is/was their ideal candidate to help destroy/take over the world, but El is a sweet bean despite all the hardship she went through. Henry and the Mind Flayer created their own worst enemy.

Will is like their secondary candidate or something. They've either done something to him or still need him for something and that something is the big secret of all this. If they needed El to open the gate, then they needed Will for something else and who knows that that "something else" is.

[highwaytothedangerzone502]

Ghost Story - Chapter 51

Pairing: Rooster x Female OC

Word Count: 1631

Warnings: None

Summary: No one will miss a ghost. It'd been a running joke for as long as anyone could remember, something Ghost herself started, and she always said it with a smile on her face or with mirth in her voice. The untouchable stealth pilot in every sense of the word, no one could've predicted the depth of her turmoil over recent events, nor the extremes she would go to in order to protect the man she loved, not even those closest to her. Now, all that was left of the young aviator for Maverick, Hangman, and Rooster were the memories of the past, which would slowly fade with time. She'd come into their lives and made an unforgettable impression, and then, like a ghost, she was gone... Then again, ghosts can't die a second time.

Notes: None

Chapter Songs: People Need People Bless the Broken Road

****

Maverick

"Hello?" Penny called out, stepping into the house with Toby, who immediately went straight for his food bowl. Ghost and Rooster's heads popped up from the couch at her voice.

"Hey! How was the trip?" Ghost asked, pushing herself off the couch before helping Rooster. The pair approached Maverick and Penny to hug them. 

"Oh, it was great!" Penny exclaimed, beaming.

Ghost, barely biting a grin, prodded, "Anything exciting happen?"

"Oh, not much." Penny held up her left hand, showing off a new, glittering diamond on her ring finger. Ghost squealed in delight and went in for another hug with the happy couple, Rooster on her heels. 

"I'm so happy for you two!" Ghost exclaimed, stepping back to give them some space. She leaned into Rooster, who, unbeknownst to her, smiled softly at the contact.

It didn't go unnoticed by Penny, who said, "How are you two doing?"

Ghost picked up on the insinuation, biting a full-fledged grin as she glanced up at Rooster. "We're doing much better," she said. He kissed her forehead in return. "Do y'all need any help unpacking?"

"No, we got it, but you're welcome to hang out and chat while we do."

"We have extended our stay long enough. Surely you're sick of us being in the house," Rooster said, wrapping his arm gently around Ghost's waist.

"Never, but we also realize you're adults and have lives, and-" Penny briefly glanced at Maverick- "I think if you two faired okay while we were gone, I don't think we have reason to believe you won't be fine going back to your places."

"If you need a ride to your apartments, let us know," Maverick added, his heart lurching at the mere idea of either of his kids leaving already. He'd nearly lost both of them in one fell swoop, and to lose sight of them again sent his nerves into overdrive. Even being on vacation and checking in on them every day had been painful, despite the trip meaning to be for such a happy occasion. 

"It's okay. Hangman is swinging by to pick us up," Ghost said. "Rooster's decided to stay with me for a bit, so we can help each other while we get back on our feet."

"Speaking of which, I think our ride is here." Rooster nodded at the window where Hangman's pickup truck could be seen outside. 

"I'll get your bags," Maverick said, offering what he hoped was a believable smile. His kids must've been convinced because they didn't question it. He grabbed their bags from the living room and carried them outside to the truck.

"Hey, Pops," Hangman greeted, opening the back of the truck bed. Mav slid the bags onto it. "Do I need to congratulate you on an engagement?"

Maverick shook his head in surprise. "Wh- how did you- we haven't told anyone but Ghost and Rooster."

Hangman shrugged. "Figured it was the only reason you would've stepped away from those two. Plus, Ghost mentioned you bought Penny a ring. Add in the timing with the vacation, and it adds up. Congratulations, Pops!"

"Thanks, Hangman." He shook the young aviator's hand. "And thanks for taking them home. I appreciate it."

"Always happy to help." He waved at someone behind the captain. When Maverick turned around, he saw Penny standing on the porch. After giving Rooster and Ghost one more hug, he waited until Hangman's truck disappeared from view before strolling over to his new fiancée, who had sat down on the steps. He knelt in front of her, and she reached out to cup his face.

"What is it?" Penny asked softly.

"Logically, I know they're okay. Logically, I know that either of them would call if there was an emergency. But hearing them get shot down, seeing them eject, seeing Rooster cradling Ghost in the waves the same way I did with Goose, knowing Ghost coded-" Maverick choked up and looked down to hide the tears welling in his eyes- "But I can't stop thinking about how close I came to losing both of them in one go because I wasn't up there with them."

"Pete, if you had been the one to get shot down, you already know Rooster would've stayed behind for you, and I have no doubt Ghost would've too. Then it would be risked that you and them would be trapped in enemy territory."

"But at least I would've been with them..."

"And then the world might've lost all three of you. Pete-" Penny lifted his chin with her finger, forcing him to look at her.

"I want to tell her," Maverick said quietly. "I want to tell her the truth about her dad, but she's just getting her feet on solid ground. The mission's over, she's made up with Rooster and Hangman, and I've seen her give a real smile for the first time in months... I don't want to rip the rug out from under her feet if she's not okay with the fact that I'm her dad and not Nathan. When I read Charlie's letter and discovered the truth, I felt honored to be the dad of such an amazing kid. Thankfully, I think she took on more after Charlie than she did me."

"If Ghost did take on after you, and I think she does, that'd be a blessing to her."

"What do I do, Penny? Do I tell her or not?"

"It's up to you, but Ghost has idolized you for years, and she's grown close to you, so I believe she'd be receptive if you told her. Maybe she already knows."

"Then why hasn't she said anything if she does?"

"Because maybe, like you're afraid of her not wanting the title of being your daughter, she's afraid you may not want to have the title of being her dad. Why don't you go to your warehouse for a few days, think it over, and when you make a decision, you come back?"

Maverick shook his head. "No, I should be here with you. We should be celebrating."

"Pete," Penny said gently with an understanding smile, "we have all the time in the world to celebrate, and I'd rather have all of you with me for that than have only some of you. Take a few days, okay?"

He took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the back of it. "I love you."

"I know. I love you too. You should get going before it gets too dark."

Nodding, Maverick stood and kissed her goodbye. Grabbing his keys, wallet, and the letter from Charlie, he swiftly got on his motorcycle and took off down the road, letting the wind rush past and momentarily take his stress with it. Of course, the moment he came to a stop inside his warehouse, the stress returned immediately, and Maverick let out a long sigh. How would he even begin to tackle this problem? Charlie left him no instructions in the letter outside of telling him the reason for keeping it a secret and that Ghost had no idea Nathan Winchester wasn't her actual father, that it was Maverick instead.

He shuffled over to his workstation and pulled out a box from underneath it. Removing the lid revealed a stash of photos he didn't have the heart to hang up or get rid of. He dug through them, searching for one specifically, a picture from a long time ago, a happier time, before the breakup, before Goose died, before Maverick lost so much...

He found the picture at the bottom of the stack. His younger self beamed at the camera with Charlie, his arm around her shoulder. Maverick stared at the image, his vision blurring with tears. He never admitted it to Penny, but part of him had been silently furious with Charlie for never telling him about their daughter, his daughter. At least for a bit. She claimed in her letter that Mav wasn't ready to be a dad, and sure, he may not have been, but he realized now he would've done everything in his power to be the dad Ghost deserved, even if it meant giving up his career. He would've found a way to split his time between her and Bradley because God knows Bradley needed him too. 

The more Maverick thought about his two kids, how both needed him, how, because of Charlie's choice, Bradley had gotten the closest thing he could to a dad after losing Goose, and Ghost had grown up with a steady father figure as well, a man who did a great job raising her despite knowing she wasn't his biological daughter. That realization lessened Maverick's anger. Ghost hadn't missed out on having a dad, nor had Bradley in a way. Still, Mav harbored guilt for not being there for Ghost throughout her life, for not being there for her during important milestones. Of course, he could make it up to Ghost now if she wanted him to be in her life like that, but that brought him to the question which started this whole process in the first place: does Ghost want me in her life as her dad?

Maverick set the picture down and rubbed his face, sighing deeply. The silent solitude was almost worse than being surrounded by people because he had no one to distract himself from his spiraling thoughts. Now, he was forced to face them. 

Pushing himself up, he shuffled to his speaker and turned it on, syncing it with his phone to play some music. Then he grabbed his tools and began working on his plane. It'd always helped him when he was stressed out before. Maverick prayed the same thing happened this time too. He couldn't afford to have it not to.

****

Tags: @supernaturaldawning @shanimallina87 @polikszena @lgg5989 @callsign-milano @bradshawsandbridgetons @harper1666 @shadeops21 @double-j @copaceticwriter @rotating-obsessions @sharkprestige @thedarkinmansfield @lapilark @mickeyluvs @starshipfantasy @bennypears00 @avabobava @the-navistar-carol @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth @carmellasworld @0hb0llocks @nicangelinee @summ3rlotus @3picklesinajar @magentamistress @the-other-hawkeye @elisha-chloe @emilymarie105 @persephone11110 @luckyladycreator2 @boogdleyboo @k0k3 @bibissparkles @lilmonstrjedi @stinkyrat09 @cocoag19 @suburbzchick @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @goodstuff28 @georgiasimpson95 @horselovers2016 @tanithpriad125 @davidshawnsown @sowolfstudentme @agagafafa @callmemana @sec17 @brxklyn15 @h0ppy0the0sheep @tomanybandstolove @abigailannz @mini-bee-bee @super-btstrash-posts @midnightmagpiemama

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[sir-yeehaw-paws]

idk this is maybe gonna sound random but i think kaz was involved with the great msf bbq of 74. skull face knows him pretty well and he easily could've pinned everything on huey. there's evidence for him killing strangelove yeah but none for him allowing the attack.

I don't think it sounds all that random, anon. It's a theory I've come across before. I believe either on Youtube, or Reddit. I can't recall particularly which exact place though, so I apologize for that. I can understand to some degree that theory being possible, and I haven't given it enough thought myself to speculate. I've also seen it theorized Kaz is also responsible for the second outbreak, but again, I haven't looked deep enough into that alternative theory personally to give it too much weight.

(And people have pointed out the whole 'he's already working for Cipher too why not do something else' but I don't know personally that I agree there, per se. I don't think the story explores Kaz working for Cipher well enough to where I can build up headcanons about his mindset there-outside of what we are given. But I can't discount why people theorize he's further treacherous as a result).

Personally, as far as Huey goes, he's absolutely guilty for Strangelove, but there's some deliberate (I think anyway) ambiguity as to whether or not he knew 100% for sure that the inspection was a fake. There's evidence to suggest he knew all along, but I am not fully convinced at all times. I imagine he is, but. IDK. I think the story is written for us to ask questions. (Or I'm giving it too much credit, I genuinely cannot say)

I will say though, I personally can't see Kaz having any motivation to facilitate the second outbreak. Even if he did work with Cipher back in the MSF days, Diamond Dogs was largely started by him. He was the one putting in the work to restart Mother Base-he just had a lot of trouble getting any recruits because he didn't have Big Boss's influence, and thus few wanted to follow him (as he tells it). His personal phone call with Zero also implies they are very much not on friendly terms whatsoever. He later describes his relationship with Cipher as 'parasitic'. Now, how reliable a narrator Kaz is I can't tell you, but I really don't think he's a traitor during Diamond Dogs era. Does this add possibility to him being guilty for the original MSF attack? No, but I also struggle to find motivation there. If he was still angry at Big Boss for his less-than-consensual recruitment, there's several other ways he could've gone about it. He was the second in command at MSF too. I feel like it's a pretty hard sell for Skull Face going up to him and say something like 'Hey, work with me to blow up the base and people you've grown attached to.' Skull Face was (I assume anyway) also slowly distancing himself from Zero by this point. Whilst that doesn't happen in full til later, Zero wasn't responsible for the MSF attack. That was all Skull Face, acting alone without Zero's approval. Yes, he's using their banner, XOF, but this was probably the first true sign to Zero that Skull Face had gone rogue (the second being Skull Face attacking Zero with the parasites).

But back to Kaz. the man's as much of an opportunist as the rest of them, but I genuinely don't see what Skull Face could've offered him in that moment to make 'attack your base' appealing to him. Too much loss without enough gain, at least to Kaz. What would be the pull? What would've been appealing enough for Kaz to take a risk like that?

Could be wrong tho! I mean, this is all theories and headcanons after all. I'm not an expert.

[idiotwithanipad]

Gore AU: First meeting

This is kinda like a POV of multiple characters, an OC of Mine, Amy and @moonah-rose's OC Silver.

(In my Gore AU, all the ghosts memories and mental states are warped due to trauma and time. They're constantly in the mindset they were in moments before their deaths)

...Amy...

Dad isn't watching. I don't know where he is, don't have a clue. He told me he was going to do a sweep of the downstairs to check for 'guards'. He says that a lot. But there's never any guards. He's paranoid, all the time. Whenever he isn't paranoid, he just tells me how precious and important I am. He's not my dad. Not really. But he thinks he is, he's fucking convinced. I never even met my real dad, haven't got a clue who is was. But he keeps telling me that he wishes he could've been there when I was born, that my 'mum' was very private and didn't like him much.

I can't go home. I can go up the lane and past the trees and the gate, but then I just end up backwards looking at the place. I'm stuck. I can't go home. When I try to leave, dad just brings me back. I miss my mum. My real mum. She was a complete bitch most of the time but she's still my mum. I hate it here. I miss my friend Shan, I miss my room. I wanna go home.

Dad hasn't come back yet. Why am I even calling him 'dad'? I can't remember my real mum's name, I need to get out. I can hear something. Is that dad? Is it safe? I don't like it when it's loud. I don't like people shouting. Why do people have to shout? Why can't they just shut the fuck up and go take their problems out on something else?

That's not dad. It's singing. Is that a woman?

...Silver...

It's so good being awake again! Best part is my cheeks aren't cramping anymore! Usually they start cramping by day two. I love it at night, so many lovely sounds! All the crickets and owls and birds and wind! Mummy says that my hair looks beautiful in the starlight, I'd look if I had a mirror. It's not as beautiful as mummy's hair though. THOSE are locks to DIE for!

I can hear mummy by the lake again. I'll go to the grass and dance around for a bit, flatter ground means more space to dance! Don't fancy twisting my ankle on a tree root. More people should dance around at night, it's underrated as fuck! No problems, no creeps cat calling, win win!

Sometimes mummy holds my hands and we skip around in circles, but mummy's hands are sore because she works hard to look after me, a shame really, she's a good dancer, better than me. Sounds like the crickets are cheering me on! Haha, I bet they're having a right laugh! I wonder if crickets can dance? I'll have to give thanks to Demeter for giving them nice grass to sit in!

Hang on. That's new. What's that? Smells weird. Did mummy bring me sweets? I can smell them. It's sugary sweets! No. That's not sweets. It's too artificial to be sweets. Or fruit. What the fuck is that? Wait... I hear footsteps? New friend?!

... Amy...

There's some girl out here. She's twirling around on the lawns. Is she drunk? What the fuck? Who is that? I've never seen her before. Is she just ratassed and has NO idea where she is? Off her face on drugs? Can she see me? Some people don't even see me when I wave. I'll just go check. If I could call out and ask, I would. But I can't. If I open my mouth, that drink comes up. I can't talk anymore, it hurts too much for me to do that. I can't breathe either. I can't fight my own corner anymore. So I LITERALLY hide behind dad now. It's pathetic. I HATE having to rely on people, but I'm scared. I can't fight anymore.

Okay... She's stopped dancing. She's looking over here. She's smiling. Does that mean that she can actually SEE me right now? She's really really smiling, she can see me! Hey! Hey! Over here, you have to help me! I'm trapped!... Wait... What's up with her nose? It's bleeding like fuck. AND her ear. She must be drunk, she's walking like she can't see.

But she's smiling at me, so she MUST see me, right? I'm waving but she just keeps smiling. She's like a happy-go-lucky Walking Dead extra, what the fuck is going on?

... Silver...

A new friend! I can hear their footsteps! New friend! Come here, wanna be friends?! I have one friend but he pretends like he hates me! I can feel your aura already, you seem fun! A little on the quiet side, but better than nothing.

Come closer, new friend, I don't bite! Can't you tell how happy I am? I can smell your snack, or is it a drink? It smells sweet as fuck, is it coke? Nah not coke. Pepsi? Nah. Red Bull? I don't know what the hell it is, but I want it! Can I try it? I can hear it fizzing so it's GOTTA be some brand of pop.

Oh shit! Sorry new friend, nearly poked your eye out then. That IS your face, right? If it is I'm sorry. I can't really see very well, maybe I need glasses? Haha! Aww you got a cute little nose! Squishy lil' cheeks! Big owly eyes, seriously sorry if I poked one of them, haha! Gods, your hair is soft! I bet it's pretty!

... Amy...

Hey! That was my fucking eye! I've tried pushing them back in but they just come back out! I'm already self conscious as it is, you-!...oh, she's blind... I can see her eyes now, they're clouded. But she IS a ghost. She can touch me, it doesn't make me wanna vomit when she touches me.

She's dressed like me, a little. I'm digging the hair, hate pink though. I'd have electric blue. God, she's grabby. How the hell am I gonna talk to her? I can't open my mouth of she'll be drentched. Hello? Anyone? Help!

... Mary...

I doth hears my darling girl's cries of joy. How they lightens the darkest of nights. The pride I feels when she takes to her heel and dances for the trees and the birds. I goes over and weeps tears of such joy when she doth do her singings.

No. Hang ons. She doth speak. The creature doth prowl off to his own spot far away. Who doth she speak to? If it be some devil or some beguiling beast of hell, they shalls burn like the rest! I swears it! Be God as my witness, I will makes them burn!

That be not a demon. That be a girl. I seen that girl before. She doth dwell on the inside of the house. The cloaked one claims her. She lost? She been sent on dirty works? She doth look fearful. My darling girl would'st never harm a fly even it it hath no wings!

... Humphrey...

All clear for now. Sophie will be pleased... I hope. I might get a slap to the back of the head, but that's fair enough. At least she got to safety before the guards got in. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if they hurt her. Yeah, we've got our differences- and language barriers, but who doesn't?

Anyway, better go let Amy know it's safe. Wouldn't have though Sophie would've given our daughter an English name, but the disguised female guard that brought her to me called her by that name, and she's never objected to it so it MUST be her name.

It's alright, Poppet, daddy's back. Won't be long now till-...Poppet? Amy? Amy, love?! Amy! Where'd you get off to? Don't scare your old dad, now, Poppet! Come out, yeah? I know you miss mum, I do too, she won't be long! Let's just go watch those TV things and wait till she gets back! Amy? Amy, love, you'll give your dad a heart attack if you carry on. Come on, answer me, Poppet! Please! Amy, where are you! Oh god, oh GOD, WHERE-...Oh no... I recognize that girl. She's been sent by the witch....

[penguicorns-are-cool]

the last episode of miraculous ladybug annoyed me so much I need to make a list. some of these points are about the fifth season as a whole.

what happened to the entire thing about cat noir feeling unnecessary and realizing how important he was. like now bug noir is here and cat noir wasn't even in the last episode tf. the show can redeem itself on this point if in season 6 the final fight ends up being seen as a failure because the wish was made and there's an entire thing about how bug noir is cool but ultimately cat noir and ladybug fighting together is way better

what happened to Alya's investigative journalism. I genuinely believe that she could've figured out the alliance rings were being used in akumatizations then come up with a very good theory about gabriel being hawkmoth. like, she's not spending the time on figuring out who Ladybug is or on being Rena Rouge or Rena Furtive so she absolutely had the time and skills. and I feel like if she was keeping up the ladyblog she would've seen enough videos of akumatized villains that she would've noticed that they were getting miraculous powers and that people with more rings got more powers and could've mentioned this to marinette who might've tried to see what was up with the rings in a fight. It would've been fun to watch too, especially if the resistance got involved and all stopped wearing rings.

which brings me to my next point about the resistance doing basically nothing in the last episode. they were busy with Ivan the whole time so they couldn't have done anything. I think they should've figured out some plan to at least start taking other people's rings off and start helping them get to a point where they could help. Also it would've been cool if the entire season they were learning emotional regulation techniques cause if one mindfulness app is enough to basically hypnotize people I think that a bunch of kids going around coaching people through mindfulnes without the app could've been pretty effective at helping people through the nightmares so they don't become so dependent on the alliance app. that could've been pretty cool to see.

and also, if they were doing something like that, they wouldn't have needed to bring in all the fucking superheroes from all over the world that we haven't heard about until now. like, I swear, this is what I'm most angry about. this is the first time in the series that we're seeing anywhere that's not Paris for any significant period of time and it's to find out that there are superheroes everywhere. also also also, is this not the only miracle box left in existance?!?!?!? if the resistance were doing something like what I said above then they could've had a big group of people in paris not getting akumatized and helping fight the akumatized, which would make sense for them to do after everything that heppened with Chloe and her dictatorship just before all of this went down.

Cat Noir/Adrien should've been in the episode. Even with adrien's nightmare being a perfectly valid reason for why he wasn't going to try to escape, Kagami would've definitely been trying to escape her little prison and Felix would've been trying to break both of them out and you can't convince me otherwise. Now, if season six is gonna go down a, bug noir kind of failed actually and this is why cat noir is so important then fine it's a necessary evil, but they should've shown us Felix trying to break him out and adrien still refusing to go or be cat noir.

not enough Nathalie lore

[lara635kookie]

Ship Analysis pt.2.

RedCrackle, CarmIvy and Carulia.

So, I decided to divide it in parts because we'll have to analyze Gray's character a little bit to understand Red Crackle more. I think this is going to have five parts or something because when I try to post things too long Tumblr goes all error and stuff. And I got a lot to say about Red Crackle.

Okay, to start, I haven't read the novel but I heard that there has some scenes of the novel that conflicts with canon. And I looked for Duane Capizzi saying that and couldn't find it. Second of all, this person seems to don't understand what is Gray's purpose at all. He's that interesting yet misterious unpredictable morally gray character. He's not truly good or truly evil, he's that one character we never know which side he's going to take. Both A.C.M.E and V.I.L.E.(specifically the personification of each, Chief and Maelstrom) talking about "seeing the world in shades of gray" while Gray in on the screen proves that. He never seems to fully embrace completely one of the sides until the very ending of the show. Even when he sticks to V.I.L.E. the good in him still shows. He's the second most sweetheart operative V.I.L.E. ever had(only loses to El Topo). Third thing is when Carmen and Player are talking about it Carmen says that Gray tried to "blow her out like a birthday candle" and when you blow a birthday candle, you can light it up again. Fourth:at the conversation they have on the train, Carmen says:"V.I.L.E. wants me stealing FOR them instead of FROM them" so why would Gray kill her if that's not what V.I.L.E. wants? V.I.L.E. wants her alive, on their side, and we know how V.I.L.E. manipulates their agents to do what they want. Besides Paper Star, I don't think we seen any other agent disobey V.I.L.E. Anyway, for me it doesn't make sense, and I always understood he wanted to make her unconscious and take her back to V.I.L.E. Perhaps V.I.L.E. said :"Convince her and if she doesn't want to, kill her." but I don't get why they would say that since they could just mind wipe her like they did at the finale but then again a lot of things about V.I.L.E.(and on this show overall) don't make sense but it adds a certain charm to it I guess, lol. But canon or non canon that he tried to kill her or not, even Carmen defended him saying he did that on "direct orders of V.I.L.E. which he doesn't seem to remember exists anymore." So if Carmen herlself forgave him, why can't you? I particularly like to think he would have stopped saying he couldn't do it, like we see him doing afterwards in the Himalayans. I like to believe that's the kind of person he is because homeboy listened to her telling almost the whole entire story of her life, when he didn't have to(my personal theory is that he was trying to avoid the moment the most that he could). And when he says "bye black sheep", the camera focus on Carmen saying:"You weren't listening, I go by Carmen now." with the crackle rod on, in front of her. He could have made it quick, but he hesitated. Intentionally or not, he gave Carmen the time to say that and fight back because he lowered his guard down. So these are some signals that, to me, indicate he wouldn't have finished the job, but you can believe whatever you want. The point is that he didn't knew V.I.L.E. would throw him away in an instance. He clearly looked confused before having his mind wiped.

Not much to add anymore. The apparent blandness of him as Graham Calloway is called "wasted potential". They could've done so much with Graham before he was Crackle again. Anyway, done for today. Part 3 is coming soon.

[ahundredtimesover]

Wow I thought Chapter 11 was heartbreaking. This chapter was 10 times worse. I mean, the angst just didn't let up. From the first word to the very last word, I was basically crying the entire chapter. And that ending when he didn't come to the dinner. I kind of expected it, but when it actually came true, it hurt even worse than I thought it would. I can't say I blame him for distancing himself like this. The two of them are horrible at communicating. They still haven't talked to each other, and who knows when they will at this point. It just sucks so bad that they have to part on these terms without any clarification of where they both stand. They both just walked away from each other so easily. They each kind of think the worst of each other. Jungkook thinks she pushed him away because she doesn't want to be with him. And OC thinks he distanced himself so quickly because he just wants to get her leaving over with. I really wished they had gotten a chance to say goodbye and get their feelings out. But they both just swept it under the rug. She could have easily gone to his place, and he could have gone to hers as well. But neither took that first step. They're just leaving everything to chance that maybe they'll find each other again in the future. Not considering the fact that one of them could be in a serious relationship when they do cross paths next. What then? Are they each really willing to lose each other permanently because they are scared to admit their feelings? I know you said this would be a happy ending, but if you didn't say that, I might really think this story would not have a happy ending for them. It seems too easy for them to lose each other forever in the place they're at right now. They made no effort to communicate at all, even a simple goodbye. That's really crushing.

I'm curious to see what happens when she sees his new addition. And when she's going to see it. Will she see it right away, or will it take months (a year?) to see it. I'm still convinced there will be a decent time jump in one of these chapter. At least 6 months, a year, maybe 2 years. I don't know. But if she wants time to figure out who she is and if they can find their way back to each other, one would think that would take many months, if not years, to figure out. It certainly can't take 2 weeks, or 2 months. It's not enough time.

Also, I just wanted to say that even though this is based on a kdrama, this has way more emotional heartbreak than any kdrama I've seen. I think it's because it's written. When you read angst, it hits harder, because the written story often has way more inner thoughts of the characters. So you tend to feel their pain more. Whereas in a kdrama you really don't get their internal monologue, so the angst has to be conveyed by their expressions and actions alone. You really can't get that heartache from seeing expressions compared to how you can feel it while reading written words.

Hiii I'm sorry this is late, I got so caught up with uni and school but now I'm here! 😊 Thank you so much for reading. I love that chapter 12 was more crushing than chapter 11 haha it was meant to be! I went through the motions writing it, too. And it's frustrating. Like you said, THEY COULD HAVE TALKED. There were so many things they could've done but they didn't. And this isn't me exaggerating but I rly do believe it happens irl when people are truly too scared to admit what they feel and risk losing the person they want. When you have two characters who literally don't express themselves much, this is what happens. So they end up thinking the worst (for lack of a better term) of each other.

They're just leaving everything to chance that maybe they'll find each other again in the future. Not considering the fact that one of them could be in a serious relationship when they do cross paths next. What then? Are they each really willing to lose each other permanently because they are scared to admit their feelings?

That is an important thought process. They already think the other person let them go that easy. They very well could find someone else because there was no relationship between OC and JK to go back to. They'll just be each other's what if and go about their respective lives. That's a possibility. And nooo we don't want that, not after everything they went through haha

Also, thank you for the compliment about this having more emotional heartbreak bc true! Written works hurt you in a certain way bc you get to read and absorb the emotions. It's also why I prefer mixed POVs! Words can crush you and I've felt that with other stories, so I'm glad mine have that effect on you as well! 💕💕 Appreciate you reading and dropping by! 🫶🏼🫶🏼 hope you enjoy the last 2!!

[suffering-is-cute]

the problem is, I know how to get you to love me

i've always been perceptive

and can work a pattern up from nothing

i have no excuse for falling in love with someone braver than myself

someone who doesn't need to be fixed

instead of the helplessly vulnerable you

who needs more than is yours to take

who needs a healer, with time to bind bandages over your wounds and patience to blend the tears away into your concealer

and i am not available.

the problem is, you are in love with a girl who does not talk.

her silence is the mirror of a rushing river in which you can see only yourself, and her voice rings clear to say the truths you hide from yourself,

no less ugly,

but framed in a way that it appears so beautiful.

the problem is, you fall straight for the nightmare which looks like a dream -

you are so eager for love that you declare you love her

because you don't have to think about her reaction to you

stranger and stranger,

you guess she sees virtue, value

you selfishly love to be genuinely yourself,

which means the less she says the more you love,

and you meander around topics that mean something to you without knowing anything about her.

the problem is, i know how to get you to love me,

and the more i act it out, the more i am convinced that you are not looking for a girl to love.

you want a doll to play with, made up into your ideal,

and you do not change for her.

she compromises for you.

the problem is, the more masks i wear, the more sick i become of you.

i promise, perhaps unnecessarily (I have told so many lies) that i did not mean to.

i truly did see you for who you were, only i don't think you ever saw me as rightly

not at my worst, not when i was flustered

not possessive, not exhausted, nor ready to give up

you haven't seen a me who loses control

running without inhibition, desperately

towards the only thing i love

no, i know you by heart

but you haven't uncovered mine.

the problem is, i have fallen in love with someone who is never here.

always wandering, always searching, for the face i can't even see clearly through familiar tears

the problem is, i cannot turn away those in need of love, even if it means lying to you and tarnishing your puremetal heart.

and i am so lonely in his absence.

so, devastatingly, incomplete.

words can't tell the half of it.

grief, carving the life away from me, so that I don't know how to say my own words anymore.

the problem is, darling, i'm waiting for someone who hasn't come back yet.

and a dawn is a dawn, no matter how bleak.

and a shawl is a shawl, no matter how thin.

oh, i am so good at feigning reciprocity that it is second nature to smile at you and imagine his face as your arms close sweet around me.

to bury myself in your problems like i am playing a game and this is a quest to be solved,

if only to forget for a while how he waltzes straight into the room and catches my eye

out of a million, the singular live coal.

out of a lineup of laughs, his the one that makes me feel like more than i am.

out of every choice open to me, oh God, oh dear God, i don't need to know what could have happened in any other life.

i don't need to know what could've been if i'd never met him or if anyone else had gotten to me first,

if only you will let me live this one life, with him here for keeps, this single coin

i would give up everything.

it sounds ridiculous, but for one who carefully considers every step, who deliberates,

and yet I say,

everything. every eventuality.

it is his, everything of mine,

he is the title of my history.

if you run your finger daintily down the spine of my heart, a thick and bleary tome gathering dust on the shelf, there is his name.

my life is a story with him at the center,

the worst thing a writer can be is in love.

the problem is, i know that i am using you in the same way as you are using me;

with more deception than is necessary and with gentle cruel wishes for you to stay in love with the world,

so, only for now, if you could while away the scraping and overwhelming edges of grief and loneliness biting tooth and nail into my skin,

hold the ceiling up like Atlas,

i will make you do it, flashing a conciliatory smile so bright you will wonder if there is any pain there at all.

i will make you do it, knowing that i hold your pain at bay the same way.

and you will think i am ignorant for loving you,

when really i would throw you over if i so much as sensed him walking our way,

even from a kilometre afar.

the problem is, we are craning so far forward off the balcony, looking for faraway loves, that we neglect to notice ourselves slipping off.

and there is only you here, and only me, so what is it if we grab hands to prevent ourselves from being dashed to pieces on the pavement below? what is it, really, if you and i share a kindred look of sorrow and a kiss we wish belonged to another?

the problem is, when they finally find us, we will be attached at the hip.

and knowing you so well, having loved you as a bosom friend, i will still let you go and dash straight into those long-awaited arms,

drinking the draught of love's utter completion,

and you, having endured so long and so much, will be left without a hand to hold as you continue to wait.

you, with your empty hand, flexing muscle memory over air where my hand should've been.

the problem is, i will leave you at the altar, and for the one who was gone for three-quarters of the movie.

i will be the second flame to burn your matchstick of a heart up.

and this time, there won't be anything left to incinerate.

it will be quiet and true, like the beginning of a fated legend.

one minute i will be in your arms, and the next, he will be in mine.

satisfactory, expected, sudden.

don't you get it, darling?

i will leave you anyway. i know you hope otherwise but i never change my choices and this was what i set my heart on and made my mind up for so long, long, ago.

you will be the end that serves as the start of my everything, and then the opening song's first notes will hum from my mouth.

when my wedding rolls around, i will write your name on a card. as if i have not hurt you enough, i will put it on the mail with a gentle rejoinder.

as if to stroke your pride as i always knew how to do, it's how you fell for me after all, I'll say-

I did love you, in my own way.

that is the problem.

i have a choice of who to keep loving, and i knew before i let you love me -

you were there to stretch my days.

if it helps, here's your straightforward answer. the only one you'll get from me.

you were never going to be my enough.

the problem is, i am already loved.

and you don't match up.

knowing this, i chose to let you love me.

you made it so easy, i just couldn't resist.

- don't feel bad; requisite lies,

lacunasbalustrade. 17. sep. 2023

@lacunasbalustrade mainblog, @suffering-is-cute poetry sideblog.

[sydmarch]

As a chronically ill adhd haver, it's always cool to lie to doctors👍 if u don't feel comfortable taking the meds u were prescribed for whatever reason, u can tell them u had side effects even if u never took them (i look up reviews on drugs.com as research both on the med and on what a convincing lie might be). An old shitty Dr of mine forced me to try a med that came with significant risk of heart attacks and seizures based on my other conditions (not smth I want to fuck around with obviously) before allowing me to access lower-risk care, so I just didn't take them and told them the meds weren't effective. It's part of ur right to medical self determination!

first off that's so shitty & i'm sorry your shitty doctor did that! i'd have no problem lying if i felt it's necessary but for me the issue isn't really that i'm 100% opposed to trying this medication out but more the way that it was just sprung on me - like i had researched adderall/vyvanse etc, i felt fully prepared to try out a stimulant, but instead some new shit is getting thrown at me? none of the side effects seem more serious than shit like fatigue, dry mouth, & low blood pressure so i don't have any like, solid logical reasons to be wary of this medication specifically, it's really more to do with my specific mental health. my therapist knows all about this but my np doesn't (again i don't like her & have only opened up to the degree i needed to get a formal diagnosis lmao, the real mental health shit i save for my therapist whom i absolutely love) but pretty much the primary facet of my anxiety is health related. both the "baselessly have convinced myself at various points in my life i had tetanus, appendicitis, a brain tumor, etc etc" and "will i die of liver failure or a stomach ulcer if i take 3 ibuprofen now and then have a single beer later" types so i'm more cautious than most people with adding new meds & stuff. like, to a fault because i've given myself physical symptoms from worrying about these things lmao like getting my mpox vaccine & being so worried about having an allergic reaction i started sweating & having blurred vision until i talked myself down from it & reminded myself a dozen medical assistants were watching us all for that exact reason, also you're literally just causing these problems for yourself right now you're not having a reaction LOL. anyway! i'm not opposed to trying it the experiences i've seen people share range from meh to positive i haven't seen anything that sounds like a horror story i just wish i had an np i liked & trusted more & would've liked if maybe during our first session or something she had gone over the different types of meds & how they work so that while we were working on the assessment for 3 weeks i could've been doing my research & felt prepared for when she eventually gave me something rather than it being like "here's a prescription for something you've never heard of & also i'm not going to do a great job of answering your questions. should you stop taking your cbd when you take your first pill? idk ask the pharmacist" liiiiiiike!!!

[sky-pie]

Lies In Being Bold: A Maximum Ride Fanfic

Chapter One - Abandoning

The whole absurdity of the day seemed to add to the high spirits of everyone in the room. Even to weird mutant kids, a dog wedding is not an everyday event, and they were all making the best of it.

Adam was on maybe his third serving of the fancy Italian meat left at the appetizer table. Him and Gazzy were the only two sitting down, absolutely mucking, everyone else was dancing or conversing. A pair of arms wrapped around Adam's shoulder from behind.

"Hey, I'm gonna go." Fang spoke softly. Adam looked up at him with adoring eyes. He thought Fang looked so nice that day, not that he didn't look nice every day, but he really could pull off a nice suit. Plus, Adam and Max had convinced him to wear his hair away from his face.

Slightly worried, Adam studied his face. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just tired. And there's a lot of people, y'know?" He often was uncomfortable with loud, crowded functions, it was just a little early.

"Mhm," Adam nodded, "want me to go back with you?"

"No, no, stay here, have fun. Don't worry about me." Fang stood up straighter and placed a kiss on the top of his head.

"Alright. See you later." Adam sweetly smiled up at him.

"See ya."

Adam could've sworn he heard an undertone of sadness in his voice, but Fang was gone before he was able to ask about it.

---

It was nice just walking somewhere for once. Flying is fun and all, but Adam hadn't grown into his massive wings yet making it very tiring for him.

"Today hasn't felt real," Nudge said to him. She was finally Adam's height again now that she took off her heels. She looked forward where Max had Angel on her shoulders. "I haven't seen everyone this happy in forever."

"God, do we deserve it," Adam laughed softly. Thinking back to what's happened only in the past year, it might've been a dark thing to say but it was definitely true. The pain, the loss, it has to even out eventually.

"Hell yeah we do." Nudge smiled at him before she jogged up to the front of the group to open the door to the hotel building. Angel got off of Max's shoulders after her head got bonked off of the top of the door frame, so she hung back to take Adam's hand. Times like these reminded him that Angel really was just a little girl.

"You have a fun day, Ange?" He asked her gently.

She hummed in confirmation and rubbed her eye tiredly with her free hand. Max called out to Fang as she walked through the door and pulled out a smushed piece of cake she had stuffed in her pocket for him. There was no reply.

"Fang?" Max called again, looking into each of the bedrooms. She gasped softly when she entered the boys' room. Adam's stomach dropped, he dropped Angel's hand, and followed Max. He was thinking the worst. What if he was hurt? What if he didn't dodge Angel's weird death prediction? What if- Adam never made it to another thought, because the room was empty. Just the way they left it, except for a folded piece of paper left on the dresser. "To the Flock" was written in Fang's familiar, jagged handwriting. Max, with a shaky hand, opened the note. Adam it quickly over her shoulder.

Dear everyone, the flock, my family, you all-

Everyone looked so great today - and clean, haha. I hope you guys remember me the same way. I'm glad our last time together was happy.

But I'm leaving tonight, leaving the flock, and this time it's for good. I don't know if I'll ever see any of you again. But the thing is, everyone is a little bit right. Add everything up together, makes this decision a full right.

Dylan's right that me being here with all of you might be putting you all in danger. The threat might've just been Dr. Hans, but we don't know that for sure. Angel's a little bit right about how splitting up the flock will help us all survive. And everyone's right about me being distracted, not focusing on all of us as a whole. I can't help it.

I hope you'll forgive someday for hurting you all. Max, you're best leader (Angel, sweetie, if you're listening, it isn't you yet) and everyone needs you. You don't need me to help you. You got this.

I need you to please not try to find me. Leaving is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, other than wearing that suit today, and seeing any of you will only make it harder. If I come back, all the same problems will be there, and I'd have to leave again, and then we'd have to go through this all over again.

Please don't make us go through it more than once.

Good-bye, I love all of you.

Fang

By the end, everyone was crying, even Iggy and Max, but Adam was too much in shock. Why didn't he notice anything? Why wouldn't Fang want him to come along with him?

"I can't believe it." Gazzy mumbled under his breath.

"That asshole." Iggy shook his head and left the room.

"This is my fault," Angel said with a sob. Max did her best to reassure her by wrapping her arm around the small girl's shoulders. Adam was the first to leave the room, he needed fresh air or an inhaler or something. His thoughts were spinning so fast that he felt winded.

No one really talked to him as he sat alone out on the tiny balcony. Every so often Adam could see someone in his peripheral peak through the glass door to check if he was still there.

---

Later in the night, when everyone was either in bed or showering, Adam finally was able to lay down on his bed. It took forever to get all the gel out of his hair, not that he didn't mind the distraction. He sighed and rolled over to grab a shirt from his bag. When he opened it, on top of his very few clothes, was a folded-up piece of paper. He picked up the paper, all it said was his name in Fang's handwriting. Feeling a lump form in his throat, he unfolded the paper to reveal a two-page long note.

Adam, ace, sweetie,

You looked so beautiful today. I'm keeping that image of you in my mind forever. I'm assuming you already read the note I left for everyone so I'm gonna skip all the super depressing shit.

I love you, Adam. I really do. If you're in the room, I want to be next to you. When you're gone, you're all I think about. You're the one I want to talk to, to have my back in a fight. When you're around, the sun shining. And when we're apart, the world is in shades of gray.

I hope you forgive me for turning our worlds gray, at least for a little while.

But the more I thought of it, the more I realized that this is the right thing to do. It's right for everyone. The flock is safer without me. You're safer without me. And I'd be a total dickhead if I was selfish enough to put you in danger like that.

I love you. I love your smile, the way it lights up your whole face. I love your freckles and your beautiful hair, especially when it doesn't have too much mud or blood in it. I love the way the sun shines through your wings. I love your random facts and your taste in music. I love how you look at me, like I'm the only one there.

You're the smartest person I've ever met. You're the best brother to the others, you suck ass at picking out movies, but it's okay. You've always had my back, through good times and bad. You're my best friend (don't tell Max), my first and only love, and the prettiest guy I've ever seen.

I'm sorry. You deserve more than this letter, but I knew if I said goodbye in person, I would've never left. And I need to leave. I love you, you've given me my favorite memories. My best moments have been with you. I do care for you, I know it's cliche as hell, but it really isn't you. There won't be a day that I won't be thinking about you. Please don't come looking for me, because you'll ask me to come back and I will, because I can't say no to you.

Tell you what, Ace: If in 20 years we haven't died or expired yet, and the world is still more or less in one piece, I'll meet you on that roof where we first looked at the stars. You know the one. 20 years from today, if I'm still alive, I'll be there waiting for you. You can bet on it.

All my love,

Fang

Adam could barely read through the tears rapidly filling his eyes. He folded the letter back up, put it on the bedside table. He rolled back onto his back, doing his best to stifle his quiet sobs. Eventually, through some miracle, he fell asleep. But that wouldn't help anything. He'd still wake up tomorrow and Fang will still be gone.

---

"So how old are you?" Fang looked over at Adam. They laid side by side on the roof of Anne's house. He was laying gingerly on the roof as to not irrate his healing injury.

"I think like thirteen. I dunno. We didn't exactly blow out candles once year in there." Adam explained with a shrug, his small and timid voice was raspy from crying thirty minutes prior. His eyes met Fang's for a moment before he quickly looked away, his cheeks burning. He felt embarrassed by every little thing he did around Fang. All he wanted was to impress this pretty boy.

Fang nodded his head. "Me, Iggy, and Max think we're like fourteen, so we're pretty close." He gave Adam a timid smile, like he wasn't used to smiling at people - especially someone he's only known for a day.

"I feel like Max doesn't really like me." Adam joked softly and pulled his knees to his chest. He stared at his shoes.

"She just isn't sure of you yet, she's very protective of all of us."

"So you're the trusting one?"

Fang basically snorted at this. "Oh hell no. You're just- I don't know. I like your vibes." Adam couldn't suppress the smile on his face.

He likes my vibes, he thought to himself.

---