#and his mentor is a guy who slowly realises just how much he wants to be a teacher

[philcoulsonismyhero]

There's a lot of lines in Amongst Our Weapons that make me want to wave my arms around and yell incoherently about Peter and Nightingale and how far they've come and how much they mean to each other, but right now the one I want to yell about the most is this one from right at the end:

Image text: 'The wider the base, the greater the stability of the building,' said Nightingale. 'You taught me that.'

Because, like. Peter wanted to be an architect. The thing he always wanted to do was to build things. And look what he's built! He hasn't just rebuilt the Folly as it was, he's built something modern and completely new out of its constituent parts and he's done it by caring about people and being interested in how things work and by what Beverly jokingly calls 'compulsive networking'.

And everything he's done for the Folly, he's done for Nightingale on a personal level too.

Nightingale was So isolated when Peter first met him. His police colleagues didn't want much to do with him, his social circle seemed to consist of Molly and Dr Walid and not much more, he was completely out of touch with the modern world. And to his credit, he was the one who decided to take on an apprentice, but that was pretty much all he was planning to do. Train up a replacement for himself in case he got killed, pass on the Forms and Wisdoms properly, keep the status quo going.

But he chose Peter, and suddenly he's got an apprentice who wants to study the science behind magic and modernise the Folly's record keeping and work out better ways to liaise with other police and fundamentally Make Changes. Nightingale ends up with all these connections through Peter, to Beverley and the other Thames girls, to Lesley, to Abigail, eventually to the rest of Peter's family, to other police like Guleed and Stephanopoulos and unfortunately for him Seawoll... He has people he can rely on, and who choose to rely on him, and not just for magic -I especially love how Peter's mum eventually starts using him to babysit Peter's dad, and the fact that he helps Abigail's family with her brother. He's not alone anymore, and he goes from just living to genuinely thriving.

And it's all down to Peter, and what the two of them have built together. In fact, they've built something so significant that in a few years Nightingale isn't going to be necessary anymore. He's been Britain's Last Official Wizard for seventy years, all the weight of that tradition resting on his shoulders alone, and in a handful of years Peter has helped him to build something that'll be able to take the weight instead if he wants it to. There are people who can help do everything he's been doing alone and more, so finally he can think about what he actually wants for himself. (And don't even get me started on his arc re: teaching and discovering that it's what he wants to do for the rest of his life, I Will start yelling even more.)

And it's Peter who's taught him to let other people take the weight. That you can build something stable and lasting if you're willing to share the load. The wider the base, the greater the stability of the building.

Not bad for a wannabe architect who can't draw, huh?

[underburningstars]

@starkerfestivals Starker Holiday Gift Exchange fic @sthefystarker

on ao3

Tony rubs his face in annoyance and frustration as he reads the articles again. The Rogues breaking the law was his problem and the Rogues returning to America is, apparently, also his problem. Now he has to give them a place to live in his Compound because taking care of them is his duty as the richest Superhero or something.

He wants to get over with it. But the thing is, he just doesn't want to face either of them. Especially not Steve.

Suddenly, he feels a set of hands massaging his shoulders. His face curves into a smile almost immediately and leans back against the person. He tilts his head up, "Hey baby."

"You look stressed." Peter says and keeps massaging his shoulders. Peter's big bambi eyes are round with worry. It warms Tony's barely functioning heart that someone cares so much about him.

After the whole Civil War fiasco Tony was…not handling himself well, to say the least. Everyone he loved and thought of as family left him broken and scarred. He never thought Steve would fall into the caratory of an ex who'd left him shattered and betrayed. The emotional scars hurt more than physical ones. But after what happened to Peter regarding the Vulture guy, he made the decision to pull himself together. He wanted to be the mentor Peter deserved.

He invited Peter to work with him in the lab when he had a break from his college classes. And Tony couldn't help falling for the younger boy. He was just so brilliant. Peter was much smarter than Tony was at his age. Peter's wonderful brain never ceased to amaze him. As days passed, his thoughts were filled less with Steve and more with a certain webbed hero.

One day he asked Peter to stay back and have dinner with him. One day turned to two, dinner became lunch and outings and late night movies. The distance between them on the couch slowly vanished, holding hands became natural and so did kisses and then sex. Being intimate with Peter, sharing his most valuable and ugly parts with him, felt natural, as if it was always supposed to be like this.

And maybe it was.

Tony sighs as the tablet in his hands reminds him of the problem at hand and closes his eyes, "It's about the Rouges."

"Oh." Peter's voice is small and bleeding with insecurities even though he tries to hold them in. Tony takes one of Peter's hands and presses a firm kiss on his palm.

He opens his eyes and looks at Peter again. Peter is biting his lips harshly and doing his best to maintain eye contact even though he keeps glancing elsewhere continuously, "You have nothing to be worried about."

"I know." Peter mutters.

Tony turns around and tugs Peter down to sit on his thigh. Tony snuggles into Peter's chest and kisses right over his heart, "I love <i>you.</i>"

Peter winds his arms around Tony's neck and kisses the crown of his head, "I know. I love you too, Tony."

Tony hums and peers up at Peter, "How about we go to bed?"

Peter's brows furrow, "So early? I'm not sleepy though."

"Who said anything about sleeping?"

Peter stares at him in confusion for a moment before he realises the implication and flushes bright red, "Tony!" Peter scolds him but there is a small smile breaking out on his face.

"I'm not hearing a no." He teases.

"That's because I'm not saying a no." Peter retorts and dives in for a kiss.

A week later, the Quinjet containing the Rogues lands on the Compound. He, Pepper and Rhodey are there to greet them because this too, falls under the list of their duties. Rhodey is glaring at the sky and he's too tired to fake pleasantries.

The welcome is stilled and awkward. He shakes his hand with T'Challa and doesn't bother looking at the others. He lets Pepper inform others about the living arrangements. He sees the way Steve looks at him, searching and hopeful but whatever he's looking for, Tony doesn't have that anymore. He has nothing for Steve anymore.

Falling for Steve was a surprise. Even as a futurist, Tony never saw it coming. But when Steve moved to the Tower after Chitauri, they started spending more and more time together, at first to resolve their differences and then because they always somehow ended up revolving around each other. For a moment, Tony thought that Steve was going to be his endgame. But then Ultron happened and then the Civil War was the final nail in the coffin.

The love he once had for Steve isn't there any more. Maybe if it was only about Steve protecting Barnes, then Tony would have forgiven him. He would also do anything to protect Rhodey. But after giving him so much shit for keeping secrets during and after Ultron, Steve hid the truth about the death of his parents from him. He won't forgive that, he can't.

And he has Peter now. Sweet, kind Peter who always does his best to take care of the people important to him. Who goes out of his way to make sure Tony is alright. Who trusts him and makes him want to be a better person. He loves Peter and that's not going to change just because Steve has come back.

Steve seeks him out. Or at least tires to. But Tony is nothing if not a master of avoidance. The first time they properly see each other is during a party where the Rogues are re-introduced to the public. Peter and Shuri bond almost immediately which makes Tony and T'Challa share weary looks.

The party is more pleasant than Tony had expected it to be. The reporters aren't too focused on him and Peter seems to enjoy himself. He should have known that Steve would take advantage of having Tony at close proximity.

"Hey Tony." He immediately tenses up at the voice. He turns and sees Steve standing there with a small smile.

"This is not the right time for this, Steve." He mutters and looks around.

"Then when is it Tony?" Steve sets his jaw tight, "All you have been doing is running away from me."

"And I wonder why I do that." Tony hisses. He would have preferred Steve to be angry at him but Steve's face crumbles and he looks down.

"I know I messed up." Steve's voice is smaller than it has ever been, "I–I know that. have to live with knowing what I did and my actions and decisions resulted everyday."

The one who saves him from this conversation is, ironically, Natasha, "Steve, let's go. People keep searching for you." Steve gives him one last desperate look before walking away.

"Thanks." He takes a sip of his drink.

"Just be blunt with him." Natasha tells him, "Don't try to spare him the pain. He'll keep on hoping forever then."

"He'll keep hoping forever regardless of me being blunt or not. He doesn't know how to let go." He scoffs. Natasha leaves him alone after that and the rest of the party goes by smoothly.

Tony has seen the articleS coming from a mile away, if he's being honest.

<b><i>OLD FLAME REKINDLED? STEVE ROGERS AND TONY STARK SEEN TOGETHER IN THE AVENGERS WELCOMING PARTY</i></b>

Tony has gone through articles like this enough times in his life that they don't affect him anymore. But Peter is still new to all this and no matter what he says, Tony can see that he's having a hard time.

"You can talk to me, you know." They're both lying in bed, post-coitus with Peter snuggled into Tony's chest.

"He still loves you." Peter mumbles quietly, probably hoping that he won't hear it. But Tony does.

"Is that more significant than me loving you?"

Peter pulls back slightly to look at him, "You know it's not."

He pulls Peter into a soft kiss and whispers against his lips, "You don't have to worry about Steve. I'm yours." Peter still looks worried but as the day goes by and Tony spends it by holding him close and snuggling to him, his mode gets considerably better.

In hindsight, he should have known making out with Peter in the communal kitchen is a bad idea. But then Peter walks into the kitchen with his adorable pout and bed hair, jumping up on the counter and Tony…how can he be expected to control himself from sliding between those milky thighs and kissing Peter to draw those lovely sounds from his throat.

Suddenly, Peter tenses in his arms and lightly pushes Tony away. He sees Peter's eyes fix above his shoulder and turning around Tony sees Steve standing there. Steve and Peter are staring so intently at each other that Tony can practically feel the animosity crackle in the kitchen.

"Hey Pete, why don't you go to the lab, huh? I'll bring our breakfast." Peter's eyes snap to him and immediately soften.

Peter nods, presses one last kiss on his lips and jumps down the counter. He doesn't spare Steve one glance as he walks away. His viscous little thing, Tony fondly thinks.

"So he's the reason we can't get back together?" Steve clenches his jaw and crosses his arms.

Tony sighs and starts making coffee, "No Steve. The reason we can't get back together is because I can't trust you to have my back. Not anymore."

"Tony…" Steve pleads, "Can't we at least try?"

"Let's talk about this tomorrow, okay? I–I need to go now." He puts the coffee and breakfast plates in a tray and leaves for the lab.

In the lab, Peter is already working on a project. He puts the tray down on the small table in the corner. Peter walks to him and sits on the couch, "I thought you two would talk."

"We will. Tomorrow." He takes a bite of his pancake and adds, "During Christmas holidays…let's go on a vacation." He suggests.

Peter immediately perks up, "Oh? Where?"

"Anywhere. Wherever you want to go." Tony says. "Think about what place you want to go."

The next day, he regrets saying that he'll talk to Steve about them. If he could, he would have just swept the whole thing under the rug but he knows Steve isn't going to do that. So, here he is. Going to Steve's room. To talk.

He knocks on the door and Steve opens it after a few moments. Tony notices that Steve looks nervous too. Well, he doesn't <i>look</i> nervous but he has his ticks. The way he rubs his neck, eyes darting around the room, constant blinking. Some things don't change, even when people do.

He sits on the bed and Steve follows, keeping a distance between them. The distance doesn't hurt but it fills him with sadness thinking about what they could've been, everything they could've had.

They both sit silently, not saying anything. Not even looking at each other. Tony breaks the silence by sighing, "Let me go, Steve. It's time you let go."

Steve squeezes his eyes shut, "Don't…" His voice breaks and he clears his throat, "Don't ask that from me. Please, Tony. Don't."

"Steve," He starts, gently, "There is nothing I can give you anymore. What we had…it's not there anymore."

"I love you, Tony."

Tony looks down at his hand. He thinks 9f Natasha telling him to be blunt. And Tony usually has no problem being straightforward or rude. But this is Steve. Someone he once had loved more than himself, "You told me that when you lied and hid the truth about my parents' death too." He pauses and then adds, "You loved me even when you were ready to kill me if that's what was necessary to save your best friend."

Steve makes a choking sound, tears sliding down his face, "I'm sorry." Steve scoots closer and rests his head on Tony's shoulder, "I'm sorry I ruined us." His shirt is getting wet from Steve's tears but he doesn't say anything about that.

He runs his fingers through Steve's hair once, twice and thrice before dropping his hand, "Sometimes…sometimes no matter how good things seem, people aren't meant to be. And they always fall apart one way or another. Trust me, I have quite the experience regarding this. It's going to be okay, Steve. Maybe one day–one day we'll be friends again."

They stay in that position for a long time, Steve crying on his shoulder and Tony letting him. When he goes back to the lab, he feels lighter than he has in two years. He enters the lab and Peter turns to look at him so quickly that for a moment Tony's sure he got a whiplash. Then the younger boy beams at him and grins, "Rome!" He says cheerfully.

"Rome?" Tony tilts his head, feeling more than a little confused. What's he missing here? Where is Rome suddenly coming from?

Peter gives him an exasperated look. Like he can't believe he has to word the whole thing out for Tony, "For our vacation." Peter, the little shit, says slowly, "We'll go to Rome."

Tony chuckles, "Okay then. We'll go to Rome."

[thealtoduck]

Being from District 1 and being in the 75th Hunger Games with Finnick…

Finnick Odair x Male reader

Warnings: It’s the goddamn hunger games so people dying and lots of violence, talk about two people hooking up.

(A/N: This is based on the movie because i didn’t feel like re-reading the book before writing this)

Growing up in District 1 had it’s advantages because unlike most districts yours has a good relationship with the capital and you are illegally trained for the hunger games so you get an advantage.

…buuuut there is a disadvantage, you are taught the games are just that GAMES and ignore the parts where you might end up traumatised or worse dead.

And that is how you ended up in the games, you volunteered but mostly because you were taught that the games are a good thing and because your parents pressured you into it.

However you ended up winning but not without some mental scars.

You took your winnings and moved into the victors village but without your parents not ever wanting to speak to them again.

You lived peacefully for a while until you didn’t because the capitol decided that for the third quarter quell the tributes would be reaped from the victors of each district.

When you saw that you may or may not have had a nervous brakedown.

Then came the day of the reaping, you told yourself that you were not likely to be picked since District 1 had several other Male victors.

”As for the male tribute… Y/N L/N”

But then you were picked anyway… *cries*

So alongside Cashmere you headed for the Capitol in one of their fancy trains.

You had been allowed to chose your mentors, Cashmere had chosen her brother Gloss. You had picked Augustus Braun, Panem’s favorite son, (he was a character created for promo photos for the movies, the guy who ”plays” him is really hot). He had been your mentor during the year you won so he knew how to work with you and plus he is nice :).

When you arrived at the trainstation there were a huge crowd waiting for you. Augustus advised you to try to appear sad but still wave to the capitol citizens and treat them kindly so they might sympathize with the fact that your back in the games.

You met up with your prep team and they made you strip naked so that they could look you over and make you look presentable.

After they finished they got you into your outfit for the tribute parade.

(A/N: Your outfit is whatever the male version of this would look like)

You were walking towards the chariots for the parade when you heard a catcall whistle and you knew immediately who it was.

You turned around and were met with a almost naked Finnick Odair a familiar sight as you had hooked up the year before while being mentors for the tributes.

”Hello Finnick” you said in a voice implying that you were not in the mood for his flirting.

He caught the hint and the two of you had a normal conversation. You asked how Annie and Mags were doing as you were rather fond of both of them.

He said they were doing fine considering the cicumstances. The two of you talked for a while but eventually Finnick went to try to make Katniss Everdeen uncomfortable for fun.

You climbed in to the chariot and helped Cashmere get up as she was wearing 8 inch stilettos.

After the tribute parade you are escorted to the training center with the rest of your group.

The next day training began, you went directly for the throwing knives which was your preferred weapon.

Then you were approached by Peeta Mellark, last years winner, he asked you to show him how to throw knives. You agreed to show him and you gave him some tips and tricks that you used. He then showed you how to do some simple camouflage.

You liked Peeta he was the kind of person that was hard not to like, unlike his district partner.

You and Cashmere invited Katniss to the place where they showed you how to make hammocks and it was noticable that she was a bit suspicious to be talking to career tributes.

The training days passed by and you did well on your private session but now it was time for the interviews.

When you got out on the stage you threw your arms around Caesar Flickerman as if he was your lover, which in turn got you a ”Awww” from the audience.

You turned on the waterworks, you talked about how much you will miss the capitol citizens for treating you like family and that you regret not reconciling with your parents after a fight you had before you left and not getting to say goodbye to them. It was all lies though but it was enough to fool the audience.

The audience gave you a standing ovation while you joined Cashmere standing in a line above the stage.

The rest of the tributes gave their interviews (Johanna’s was your favorite) and then Peeta during his interview told Caesar that Katniss was pregnant and all hell broke lose.

That evening you were visited by Haymitch and he told you that Peeta had wanted you as an ally and about the rebellion and about their plan to get Katniss out of the arena.

You agreed to the plan.

Before you went in to the arena you said goodbye to your escort, prep team, stylist, Gloss and Augustus.

You also said goodbye Cashmere since you knew you were on different sides in the arena and you said a silent prayer that you wouldn’t have to be the one to kill her.

You were then taken aboard the hovercraft and flown to the arena. You were then escorted to the small elevator thing that takes you the podiums in the arena.

You stood in the elevator waiting anxiously for the game to start. You also realised that you didn’t know who your other allies would be other than Katniss and Peeta.

The podium then started rising until you were inside the arena. Your eyes were blinded by the sunlight and you looked around and saw that the podioum was surrounded by water.

You saw that there were rocky spokes connected to the island where the cornucopia was located.

Then you heard a voice saying ”Let the 75th Hunger Games begin, May the odds be ever in your favor” a voice started counting down from 10 and you prepared yourself to dive in.

A canon went of as the starting signal for the games and you dove right in to the water and swam to one of the rocky spokes and climbed up on it.

You saw someone else had climbed up on it behind you but didn’t care to find out who so you tried to run but they had roughly grabbed a hold of your arm and were trying to drag you back.

You turned around and saw the male tribute from district 9. Without thinking further about it you clenched your fist and punched him in the nose. He let go of you and you started running towards the cornucopia.

You looked around and realised that you were now at a disadvantage from only being held back for a few seconds.

You reached the cornucopia and tried to sneak around it to see who was there but Finnick suddenly appeared around the corner and pointed his trident at you for a second but brought it down as soon as you made eye contact.

”Come on” he said and led you to the weapons. You picked up vest with a bunch of throwing knives attached to it and put it on.

You had put it on just in time as the man from 9 had reached the cornucopia as well. His nose was bleeding from your punch. You got a knife from the vest took aim and threw a knife at his throat, you hit just as intended.

You got an extra leg holster with throwing knives and a regular knife incase needed for close combat.

Finnick told you to stay by the supplies to guard them with Katniss while he looks for Peeta. You nodded at him as he ran off.

Katniss and you stood guard for a while until Finnick returned saying Mags had found him. You and Katniss followed him as he led you out on one of the spokes leading out from the cornucopia.

You saw movement in the water as Peeta was wrestling with a tribute trying to drown him. Finnick dived in to help Peeta, you turned to the cornucopia to check so no one would sneak up behind you.

Soon enough Peeta and Finnick were out of the water and the 5 of you made your way in to the jungle.

You all ran through the difficult jungle terrain except Mags who was carried on Finnick’s back.

After getting far enough from the cornucopia you all kneeled down for a quick rest. You heard more canons going off meaning more people had died.

”I guess were not holding hands anymore” Finnick said with a quick laugh. ”You think that’s funny?” Katniss asked with obvious hostility in her voice. You made quick eye contact with Peeta basically saying ”Fuck, they are going to be fighting”.

”Every time that canon goes of it’s music to my ears, i don’t care about any of them” Finnick answered. ”Good to hear” Katniss said pulling out a machete from her quiver. ”Wanna face the career pack alone? What would Haymitch say?” Finnick asked teasingly.

”Haymitch isn’t here” Katniss stated and there was silence for a moment until Peeta said ”Let’s keep moving” and you all got up and continued moving through the jungle.

Peeta walked in front using the machete to cut plants and vines out of the way, Finnick was behind him carrying Mags, you were behind Finnick and Katniss was behind you.

You noticed Katniss stopping behind you as you turned to see if anything was wrong she yelled ”Peeta! NO!” and right behind you there was a bang and you were knocked to the ground by Peeta flying backwards.

You sat up and saw Katniss crawling over to Peeta repeating his name slowly as he lay motionless on the ground. You then heard her say in a panicy voice ”He’s not breathing”, Finnick ran over to him and started doing mouth to mouth resuscitation. You crawled over to see what was happening.

After a while he woke up again and you all started to move slowly but Katniss was now in the lead, she threw small rocks at the barrier so that you could navigate how close you were to it.

Katniss told the 4 of you to wait while she climbed up a tree to see your location and if she could find fresh water. When she got down she told you that you were on the edge of the arena and that she couldn’t find any water.

Finnick suggested that you should set up camp and sleep, he said he could take first watch to guard the others to which Katniss disagreed which in turn made Finnick upset since he literally saved Peeta.

Honestly you were tired of both of them so you rolled your eyes and walked away to find somewhere decent to sleep.

You found a spot close to Mags where you laid down and shut your eyes but that didn’t last long as you heard the anthem playing and you looked up and saw the faces of the fallen tributes.

When you saw the face of the man from district 9 you felt ashamed. You wondered if he had a lover or children at home who had to watch him bleed to death from a knife to the throat.

You turned around so you lay on your other side and your y/c/e met with Mags kind eyes and she gave you a small smile as if she had read you mind which you returned shyly.

(A/N: I had to stop a second just for some Mags appreciation because she’s one of my favorite characters in the hunger games universe.)

You closed your eyes again trying to sleep but you then heard something hit the ground you sat up and looked to Katniss and Finnick who had gone to inspect the noise.

It turned out to be a sponsor gift, you stood up and walked over to them. Katniss held a small silvery thing. ”What is it?” Finnick asked. ”It’s from Haymitch…… I think it’s a spile” Katniss answered.

”A what?” Both you and Finnick asked as Katniss stood up and found a tree and started banging on the spile with a rock hitting it in to the tree.

You all waited for a moment but soon water started trickling down from the spile. Katniss caught some in her mouth and told the others to get some, first Peeta got some, then Finnick and the you.

You were on you knees infront of the spile, you got a mouthful of water. Finnick walked up beside you with a small smile and said ”As much as i like seeing you on your knees, can you move over a little? I need some more water for Mags”. You laughed a little and moved aside.

”Seems like someone has gotten his wittiness back” you said and Finnick gave a small laugh and started filling a leaf he had shaped like a bowl for Mags.

After that you went to your previous resting place and laid down to sleep again. You were woken up at some point by what sounded like a gong and the sound of lightning but you managed to get back to sleep.

You were woken up by the sound of Katniss screaming, you quickly got up and pulled out your close combat knife. You saw no one but Katniss, she was laying on the ground whimpering and there was a closing in behind her.

”Run! Run! The fog is poisonus” she yelled you helped Mags get up as Finnick crouched down to get her up on his back. When she was safely up you started running following Katniss and Peeta.

You passed Katniss and Peeta as being quick was sort of your specialty.

It was hard to know where to go as almost everywhere you turned the fog seemed to be coming closer. You heard falling behind you and saw that Katniss had fallen over but Peeta had helped her up. Then a little bit after that Peeta fell over and Katniss helped him up, you turned around to come to their aid but you heard Finnick screaming and saw him falling over.

You ran to Finnick to help him get up but by the time you got there he was already up and he had gotten Mags back up on his back. You grabbed him by the arm and helped him away from the fog. You and Finnick saw that Peeta had fallen over once again from exposure to the fog.

You and Finnick ran to him and Katniss. ”I can’t carry him, Peeta please” she said with tear stained eyes. You tried to help carry Peeta but it was no use you weren’t strong enough.

Behind you heard Finnick saying ”Mags? Mags?” You turned around and saw Mags walking right into the fog (like the boss she is).

(R.I.P Queen, both the actress and character)

”MAGS!” Finnick screamed and the came the sound of canon. You grabbed Finnick by the arm and Katniss told him that we need to leave.

Finnick helped pick up Peeta as you picked up Peeta’s machete and started cutting away plants that were in the way. The others staggerd away from the fog, you ran to Katniss side to try help her keep up.

You feel the fog touching you back as immense pain shoot through you whole body and then the 4 of you fell… not because the fog though but because there was a huge drop that you hadn’t noticed.

When you land you just lay on the ground twitching and flinching from the pain.

After a while you hear Katniss saying ”The water, the water helps”. You tried to get up but you body was like on lockdown. You hear them helping Finnick into the water, Finnick tries to let out a scream but gets water in his mouth.

Peeta comes to you and drags you up into a sitting positon saying ”Come on” as if he’s talking to a child but it was strangely comforting. He then pulls you into the pond making you let out a scream from a sudden sharp pain but the pain slowly starts to fade away.

The group takes a little brake now to rest and you can’t help but to whisper a little ”thank you” to Mags.

You then hear Katniss saying to Finnick ”I’m sorry about Mags”. Finnick answered by saying ”She was never gonna make it….so”.

Finnick then turned his attention to something behind Katniss, you turned around and saw some sort of monkey like creature staring at you, whatever they were they didn’t look friendly so you pulled out your combat knife in one hand and a throwing one in the other.

All 4 of you stood in the little pond surrounded by the mutts, you were all waiting for one to attack. ”Get to the beach” Katniss said and turned towards a path that lead towards the cornucopia but the mutts started looking more aggressive.

One tried to jump at Katniss but was cut down by Peeta which made more start to attack.

You weren’t really that well equipped to deal with animals but you tried your best. A mutt tried to jump at you but you kicked it in the face and threw a knife at it.

Another one ran towards you so threw a knife at it’s arm making it shriek in pain and you ran over and stabbed it with the combat knife.

”We need to get to the beach” Peeta said as he and Katniss started moving in the beaches directon, you started following him and Katniss and made sure Finnick was keeping up.

You made you way through the difficult terrain while trying to avoid the mutts. You did your best to hit then with your knives but the didn’t pack enough of a punch to kill them unless they were hit in sensitive areas.

You were tackled by a mutt which made you fall to the ground. It crawled onto you about to maul your face off but you stabbed it in the stomach and twisted the knife.

You threw it’s dead body off of you and got up, you saw Katniss and Peeta carrying someones body to the beach, you turned your head back and saw Finnick fending of the mutts. Your mind raced for a second if Finnick is there and Peeta and Katniss are fine the who’s body was that.

You ran over to Finnick who was slowly making his way to the beach backwards with the mutts following him, only held back by his trident. You stood by his side swinging your blade at any mutt that comes to near you two.

Finnick then whispered to you ”At my signal grab my hand”, you nodded.

”Now” he said and you grabbed his hand and the two of you started sprinting towards the beach while the mutts chased yoy, when you got near enough you and Finnick dove on to the beach sand.

You and Finnick quickly got up and pointed your weapons at the mutts that where now on the edge of the jungle where the beach began. You then heard a canon going off and the mutts then started making their way into the jungle once more.

You put you knife in the holster at your leg and then turned to Finnick. You threw your arms around him in a hug, Finnick put his big arms around and you leaned you head against the older males shoulder.

It was hard putting a label on yours and Finnick’s relationship. You had met during part of your victory tour in district 4, you were attending a dinner in your honor.

You had excused yourself to go to the public bathroom during the dinner. You had no need to actually use the bathroom. You just needed to get away from the people who had celebrated the fact that you had killed people.

You started having a bit of a nervous breakdown in the bathroom, you were crying, splashing water in your face trying to calm down but you felt like you needed to scream.

One of the toilet stalls had opened and Finnick steped out. He went to the sink to wash his hands and while doing so he noticed your red eyes and trembling hands and he asked if you were okay.

And you spilled everything to him and told him how you were feeling, he put an arm around you, he told you he somtimes felt like that as well and told you how he usually copes with it.

He had told you that if you didn’t want to finish the dinner he could go out and tell everyone you weren’t feeling well and have you escorted back to the train.

But you said you wanted to try to get through the dinner as long as he was there to help you. He agreed to be there with you and you managed to get through the whole thing.

After that Finnick was basically your bestie and you guys would come to each other for emotional support.

And last year during the 74th hunger games while you both were in the capitol, you had been hanging out at his apartment the capitol give the victors while they visit for the games.

While hanging out things got a bit steamy between the two of you and you ended up hooking up, the day after the two of you kinda acted like it never happened and things got a bit awkward between you and him.

But being back in to the arena had stirred up feelings for him you had buried. While in the arena most people will latch onto whatever makes them feel safe and Finnick made you feel safe.

You finally let go of Finnick and you noticed a hover craft picking up the body Peeta and Katniss had taken in to the water. Finnick told you he was gonna go try to catch some fish food, you nodded at this and walked over to Katniss and Peeta.

”Who body was it they picked up?” you asked. ”The female morphling” Peeta answered in a saddend voice. You sat down in the sand, the 4 of you had almost died 3 times (+ 1 for Peeta) in less than 24 hours and it was exhausting.

Finnick had managed to catch a fish and found some oysters that you were now eating. Peeta found a pearl and gave it to Katniss.

You then heard a scream coming from the jungle, ”That’s new” Peeta said and you heard a thundering noise.

Out of the jungle came a huge wave of water and you heard a canon going off. The wave was so big it washed up on the beach.

You then saw a hover craft lifting away the body.

After it had flown away you heard Katniss say ”Someone is hear”. You immediately looked in the direction Katniss had been looking and saw another tribute on the beach and two other tributes emerging from the jungle, you backed up slowly.

”Johanna?” Finnick whispered and ran out of hiding towards Johanna shouting her name, ”Finnick!” she yelled back and the two embraced each other. You made your way towards them and waved Johanna.

Johanna told the 4 of you how she, Wiress, Beetee and Blight, her district partner, had been wandering the jungle when it had started raining blood on them to the point where they could barely see and were choking on it. Then blight had hit the forcefield and passed away.

Wiress was stumbling around murmering the words ”Tick-tock” to herself, Wiress tried to get Johanna’s attention but she ignored her.

”What’s wrong with her?” Katniss asked referring to Wiress. ”She’s in shock, dehydration isn’t helping” Beetee answered and the asked ”You have fresh water?”

”We can get some” Katniss answered as Johanna had started getting fed up with Wiress saying ”Tick-Tock” to her. ”Listen stop it!” Johanna said loudly while grabbing a hold of Wiress.

”Hey! Get of her” Katniss yelled as Wiress fell to the ground. Katniss stromed passed you and started fighting with Johanna. ”Hey!, what are you doing” Johanna asked as Katniss got up in her face but before things could escalate Peeta and Finnick had pulled them apart.

You got the spile and hit it in to a tree so that the others could get freshwater. You took a big leaf and shaped it like a bowl and got some water for Beetee who was working with some sort of wire. Katniss and Wiress then came excitedly and said that the arena was a clock with different obstacles every hour.

You all decided to go to the cornucopia to stock up on weapons, you had decided to get something more lethal than just knives just in case something comes up.

Katniss was trying to go through what happens during every hour that we know off. When you arrived at the Cornucopia you refilled your knife supply and picked up a nice sword. The others were drawing up a map of the zones and the drew the threats we knew about tsunami, lightning, blood rain, fog and mutts.

Then came a loud gasp from Wiress who was being stabbed in the back by the male tribute from district 10 (you know since your here instaed of Gloss). Katniss was quick to shoot an arrow hitting him right in the chest killing him almost instantly.

Another figure had appeared it was Cashmere she had a knife in her hand. She was on her way to attack Katniss but Johanna pushed her out of the way and plunged her axe right in Cashmere’s chest.

Right as she hit the ground there came clang of metal against metal and you saw Brutus attacking Finnick and Peeta. Enobaria then suddenly appears and throws a knife at Finnick cutting his arm. You quickly draw a knife throwing at Enobaria cutting her shoulder.

Enobaria and Brutus start running away from the cornucopia. You, Katniss and Johanna run to follow them but as you do the island the cornucopia is located on starts spining and you all fall to the ground.

You take out a knife in one hand and stab it in to the ground to try to keep you from sliding of the island, you manage to get a good grip with your hand as well.

You hear struggling behind you and see Johanna struggling to keep a hold of Katniss’ hand, she lost her grip and Katniss fell into the raging water.

The island then stopped spining and Katniss climbed up on one of the spokes and started coughing up water. Johanna and Peeta checked that she was okay.

She was fine and your group left the island and went back to the beach, you all sat down on the beach to stratergize. Other than the group there was 3 people left in the games Chaff, Brutus and Enobaria.

They were all outnumbred so they probably won’t try to attack us. Johanna suggested that we hunt them down but then you heard a scream ”Ahhh!!! Katniss,Help me!!!” which made Katniss scream in return ”Prim!!! Prim!!!” as she ran into the jungle.

You all ran to follow her Finnick was in front you were right behind him but then you hit something almost like when you run in to a glass door, it was an invisible forcefield. ”Y/n!Are you okay?” You heard Peeta saying as you sat up.

”Yeah” you said as he helped you up. You tried to touch the forcefield, it was as solid as a brick wall. Soon Katniss and Finnick came running back with a bunch of birds following them but they couldn’t get through the forcefield and were stuck on the other side.

You had to wait an hour until the birds flow away and the forcefield disappeared. You ran over to Finnick to check on him. ”Are you okay? You asked putting a hand on his shoulder. ”Yeah, i’m fine” he said weakly.

You the heard Johanna say something about ”Riots in the damn capitol” she then yelled ”Hey! How does that sound Snow! What if we.. What if we set your backyard on fire?! You know you can’t put everybody in here!!!”. You were all looking at Johanna speechless at her open disrespect of President Snow.

”What?… they can’t hurt me, there’s no one left that i love” Johanna said and walked away to get Katniss some water. That left you feeling bad for Johanna, sure she may be a bit rude at times but she’s nowhere near as bad as some people make her out to be.

You helped Finnick stand up and your group made their way back to the beach once more. Finnick went and sat down in the shallow part of the water. You were torn whether you should go to him or not, maybe he wanted to be alone.

But then you remembered how he had been there for you during your victory tour, so you went out into the water and sat down beside him. ”Did you hear her?” You asked referring to Annie.

Finnick gave you a small nod. You didn’t know what more to say, but you didn’t need to cause Finnick started speaking ”I also heard you”. You gave him a questioning look ”Really?”

”Yeah, even though in knew you were there right infront of me, it was still torture to have to hear you screaming my name for help, I had to open my eyes just to check that you were okay” Finnick said turning his attention from the water to you. You grabbed his hand gently and said ”I’m okay, thanks to you”. You and Finnick’s heads were leaning close to eachother but then came a shout ”Finnick!” ”Y/n” it was Johanna she waved for you to come over.

You and Finnick got up and walked over to the others and the group made a plan to use the wire Beetee had gotten to hopefully electrecute the careers.

A few hours went by and the sun started to go down. You were sitting in the wet sand watching Finnick swinging around his trident lightly. Then you heard the noise of something hitting the ground near you, you turned around.

A little bit inside the jungle you saw a silver capsule, you went into the junge and got it. You opened it and knew immediately what it was. You turned to the others and yelled at them to come over. You showed them that you had gotten bread from district 1.

You gave everyone their fair share of the bread, ”District 1 is known for using cinnamon and huckleberries in their bread” you informed them though the only one who actually seemed to care what your district used in their bread was Peeta.

Then it was time to leave to go to the lightning tree and once again you were making your way through the thick jungle terrain.

Then you heard the anthem playing and you looked up in the sky to see the pictures of the fallen tributes. You felt a bit sad when you saw Cashmere up there and realised even if you got out of the arena Gloss would kill you.

But it felt worse seeing Wiress and Mags up there. They had both been very kind people and they shouldn’t have been in here in the first place. You felt something inside you almost as if it was catching fire (A/N:😉) a new hatred for the capitol.

You continued moving until you reached the lightning tree and Beetee started doing his thing and wrapping the tree with the bronze colored wire. He then told you, Katniss and Johanna to go with the spool of wire to the beach, throw it into the water and go to the tree in the 2 o’clock sector.

”I’m gonna go with them as a guard” Peeta said probably not wanting to leave Katniss. ”Nonono, your staying here to protect me… and the tree”. Beetee opposed. ”No i need to go with her” Peeta said stubbornly.

”There are two careers out there, i need two guards” Beetee said. ”Finnick can protect just fine on his own” Peeta said and you and Finnick gave eachother a knowing look. Then Katniss butted in saying ”Yeah, why can’t Finnick, Y/n and Johanna stay with you and Peet and I will take the chord”.

”You all agreed to keep me alive till midnight, correct?” Beetee asked in a annoyed tone. ”It’s his plan we all agreed to it” Johanna said clearly starting to get annoyed as well. ”Is there a problem here?” Finnick asked. ”Excellent question” Beetee said as you were all staring down Peeta and Katniss.

”No, there’s no problem” Katniss said in a defeated manner and walked over to Peeta and gave him a kiss. After they finished you said ”Good idea” and walked over to Finnick and kissed him, you could feel him kiss back and put his arms around your waist.

After you pulled away you said with a weak smile ”You know just incase we never see eachother again”. ”Alright, let’s go” Johanna said. You walked over to her and put an arm around her shoulder saying jokingly ”Incase your feeling left out i can give you a quick kiss too”, Johanna only rolled her eyes but let out a small chuckle.

You, Johanna and Katniss made your way to the beach once more the same way you came. After a while of walking Johanna said ”Come on, i wanna put as much distance between me and this beach as possible, frying is not how i wanna go” but then came another sound from the spool it had stopped putting out wire.

”There’s something…” Katniss said and looked in the direction the wire came from but saw nothing then something pulled the wire and cut it off. Katniss immediately threw aside the spool and pulled out an arrow but Johanna grabbed the spool and hit her over the head with it.

You were kinda lost on what to do but Johanna got you to kneel down beside her and took your combat knife and started cutting up Katniss’ arm open, then it dawned on you the arm with the tracker, the plan to get Katniss out was set into motion.

You grabbed Katniss arm so that she wouldn’t try to fight it, Johanna smeared blood on Katniss’ throat to make her look like she was dying. ”Stay down” she whispered to Katniss and sat up and threw her axe against Brutus and Enobaria who were on their way. ”Come on” Johanna said to you and you followed her as you ran with careers chasing you.

It was hard to keep up with Johanna in this terrain. You then felt a sudden sharp pain in your side and saw that you had gotten a cut that was now bleeding, you guessed that Enobaria must have thrown a knife. You looked up to see where Johanna had gone but she must not have noticed you slowing down because you couldn’t see her.

You turned around and saw that only Enobaria was on your trail now. You drew your sword just in time to deflect another knife coming your way, she drew her sword as well.

The sound of clashing swords came as she made a slash at you which you blocked. You went back and forward with her for a while slashing, stabbing, cutting but neither managed to kill the other.

Enobaria then made stab at your hand cutting it open so that blood started spilling out, you tried to fight with one hand but she easily disarmed you. You turned around and started running since there wasn’t much else you could do.

You managed to put some fair distance between you and her, not enough to get rid of her but enough so you could draw a knife and throw it at the hand she kept her sword in which caused her to drop it but that didn’t stop her as she drew a knife from her vest.

You did the same bracing yourself for her. The two of you pounced at eachother like tigers, colliding in the air and laying on the ground wrestling for dominance, she had gotten on top of you and tried to stab you but you grabbed the hand she kept her knife in and used your other hand to grab her hair.

You pulled it with all your strength and managed to roll over so that you were on top of her, you held her down and punched her across the face. She still managed to grab you and roll you over so she was on top of you again and she the showed you her fang like teeth.

She was starting to lean down probably about to rip your throat out with her bare teeth but something had distracted her, you seized your moment and noticed you were right beside a steep slope. So with all the power in your body you grabbed a hold of her and threw her off of you and down the slope.

You got up quickly and looked at what had distracted her and saw that it was a blue glowing wire pointing right up into the sky or what used to be the sky but was now just a gray dome.

Your brain put some kind of scenario together that this was part of the plan so you started making you way towards the source of the glowing wire but it was hard you were still bleeding and you were exhausted from your fight with Enobaria.

You staggerd towards the lightning tree but your body couldn’t take anymore and you collapsed, you looked up at the gray dome and saw that it was starting to fall apart. That made you smile and you thought to yourself ”Thank you, Mockingjay” and then it faded to black.

(A/N: Don’t worry you didn’t die at the end, but please give this a like or reblog it took like a lot of time write and i really tried my best, there might be some grammatical errors in there but deal with it)

[ballorawan740]

SCP Scenarios: When you try you commit suicide (REQUESTED)

SCP Scenarios Masterlist | My Works Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Rules | My Original Post | Request | Socials

WARNING: If you are or know anyone who is suicidal, please get them help! If this topic triggers you, please leave now!

And if anyone's putting you down and you feel this way, let me know (So I can yah yeet them into hell and back again then throw them into 939 and 682's cell >:D)

SCP 073 (Cain)

Cain's heart drop when he figured out that you were suicidal

He probably has figured out bits and pieces since he noticed that you've acted a lot more different than usual

You came from a very abusive family and everyone around you were toxic

Then you came into the foundation and worked hard enough to stress you out

Didn't help that much since your mentor died from an SCP and some of your coworkers were being bullies to you

Which then drove you to become even more suicidal

Found out much later when someone called him in because you were at the medical bay

Glass was sat there beside you and wanted to check up on you

No responses were heard and Glass turned to see Cain's pained look

He told Cain everything that has happened and he was truly heartbroken by all this news

Cain had tried to comfort you and would give you some space if you need

Would remind you every so often that he loves you and makes sure that you're taking breaks

Definitely dealt with the bullies without you knowing

SCP 076-2 (Abel)

He's quite dense so he might not know that you're suicidal

Probably noticed a few changes in your behaviour but wouldn't question it

Definitely didn't try and threaten to kill everyone once he found out that you were injured

Stormed into the medical part of the Foundation and asked for you

Was about to drag you back to his cell but was stopped abruptly because the doctor who was treating you said the scars were from yourself

Abel looked at you with confusion and hurt

He allowed you to rest in the hospital for a couple of days and asked so many questions

And realising that it was because of your PTSD working with the Foundation and not wanting to stress further

Swore to protect you for all of eternity and wouldn't allow you to go back on the field

So you settled to work in an office instead, handling safe classes and taking some time off

Abel monitored you to make sure you don't do it again

Definitely gave you a huge lecture

It was loud enough for the whole floor to hear and everyone just stopped what they're doing just to see what was happening

SCP 999 (Tickle Monster)

To say 999's little jello heart shattered to a million pieces was an understatement

Nobody has ever seen a bright orange blob of happiness looked so worried and somewhat traumatised as he had received the news

That said news was you trying to commit suicide

And fortunately, there were people around to stop you from hurting yourself even more

999 slithered over as quick as possible and went in to check on you

The first thing he did was to give you a big warm hug and to tell you that he cared about you and you meant everything to him

He never complained about you once and you were grateful for that

999 didn't question your reason for suicide since he knows it'll make things worse and that you'd open up to him whenever you were ready

He saw many of the scars you have on your body and was immediately concerned

Noticing this, you explained your situation to him and he was very much understanding

999 would comfort and support your decisions in not trying to commit suicide

Everyone outside just peeked in and was relieved that you've agreed to work on this together with 999

SCP 682 (Hard to Destroy Reptile)

When 682 heard that you wanted to commit suicide, he was confused and concerned

Part of him wanted to know why and the other part told him that you were stupid for doing that

The both of you were transferred into another room as requested by 682

The very first thing he did was to shout at you for doing something so stupid

Moments later after you cried for a bit, he checked up on you, asking if you were alright, making sure you were comfortable and nuzzled your side for a bit

Once you were relaxed, you've told him everything that's been happening and he listened for once

Which did surprise the researchers when they found out moments later

Unfortunately, 682 did breach containment just to hunt down whoever made you feel that way and he did succeed

Then casually went back to his cell which shocked everyone, even you

Well, let's just say that you were feeling much better and nobody ever bothered you again

SCP 049 (Plague Doctor)

049 was sus since you were acting strange lately

He had 100% noticed the scars but didn't ask, thinking that you went on a mission and you were just injured and you went to the medics

Later on, his heart dropped when he heard someone say that you seemed like ending your life, which you did

He came into the room you were in and checked on your injuries and scars

You could see the pain in his eyes when he connected the dots and you didn't need to say a thing for him to understand that you did all this to yourself

049 just sighed a little, took a chair and sat on it then nursed your injuries and gave you such a disapproving look

"Who is it this time?" he asked which shocked you since you've never told him explicitly that something or someone bothered you

But you weren't that surprised since your bird boi is observant af

So you just told him everything and he dealt with the situation professionally

And whoever/whatever's bothering you just vanished out of thin air and nobody ever questioned it

SCP 035 (Possessive Mask)

As I've mentioned in the other chapters, 035 is a master manipulator and actor/actress

So when it comes to body language and the tone you'd use when talking to someone, he would have an idea of what's going on

So when you secluded yourself every passing day and would avoid talking about reoccurring scars on your body, 035 would have quite an accurate guess

When he confronted you about this, you shied away from him for a moment

Since you know 035 well, you just told him everything as he listened intently

He just absorbed all the negativity from you and you just felt better

035 would reassure you and you blindly listened and feel much better with him

And of course, like any other partners out there, he dove into whoever was making you feel suicidal and sorted it all out

After a couple of days, you went back into 035's cell and asked about the missing person

All 035 told you was that the person just got eaten by some SCP and nobody knows how the said person got there

SCP 105 (Iris)

Iris might question your scars here and there if you ever had them

She might not even think that you were suicidal until you showed the obvious traits or if someone told her that you were in the medical bay

Would 100% lecture you about being suicidal then comfort you a second after she's done

She's just super worried about you and even though she's in the foundation with you most of the time, there are moments where she's asked to go into the field with the MTFs

As Iris is rightfully worried about you, if she can't stay with you, she'd make Cain, Dr Glass and Dr Lights watch over you

Maybe Kondraki if he's ok with this

Might even go to Clef and/or Bright if she really needs to

At least they can keep your minds off things

Iris would tend to any of your scars and injuries and motivate you to live

Shows you loads of photos of the happier times you've both shared

Would never let you touch anything that can cause you an injury

Definitely would deal with whoever's making you feel that way if there was that someone

SCP 106 (Old Man)

106 would probably find it hard to grasp the concept of emotions other than the few basic ones

So when he was informed about your attempted suicide, he was confused

not because he didn't understand it, because he definitely did

It's just because he never understood why anyone would do such a thing

Even more so if that person was you

When 106 came to visit you, he would unintentionally show his worried expression which saddened you

Is definitely torn between just comforting you and wanting to ask you about your issue

You did tell him at the end about you wanting to commit suicide and 106 telling you to never do such a thing

Making sure that if someone made you feel this way, he'd deal with them right away and you'd never have to worry again

Although he finds it hard to sympathise with others, he did understand the term, so he would try his best to do so

SCP 096 (Shy Guy)

He's basically 106 but a little denser

096 is 100% more anxious than the other SCPs here and would definitely show signs while he's being observed in his cell

Kind of understands the term 'suicide' but not to a full extent

Like he knows what it is, but not how and why people would do so

When 096 got the news about this from your psychologist, he literally went brrrrrr

Went to check in on you and gave you a bone-crushing hug

Made sure that any injuries were properly bandaged and treated

Started to cry midway through

You explained to him that you didn't go all the way because you knew that he needed you and you'd never leave him alone again

096's worried expression slowly turned to happiness and gave you another hug

Dr Jack bright

Bright would notice something's off with you but wouldn't say a thing just yet

Like if he notices that whatever is happening to you has worsened then he'll confront you

At first, you would avoid his gaze and questions, but you ended up telling him everything that's been happening

Bright was shocked and conflicted about all this information

You could literally see him tearing up as he was trying to find the words but couldn't

He ended up giving you a big teddy bear hug

And you just cried into his shoulder/chest

Jack Bright would try his best to comfort you because he wants to take all the pain away

Whenever he's on break, he'd make sure to check up on you

If he was busy and can't visit you, he would make sure to send someone to check up on you

Most likely Dr Glass

Would tell you about his dark thoughts as well

Only because he understands and you wouldn't feel alone about this

Dr Simon Glass

Glass would definitely know

He's a psychologist after all

Would find a way to get you to be more vocal about the issue

And it's quite subtle so you wouldn't know

Once he gets all the information he needs, he'll start to find ways to minimise the chances of you feeling suicidal

He's just so subtle about this that you wouldn't even know

Once you feel better, Glass feels more relaxed knowing that he helped you overcome the issue

Would 100% still watch out for you in case it happens again

Everybody else notices this and helps poor mama Glass look out for you too

Wouldn't necessarily beat up anyone if they hurt you but would definitely give some warning signs to back off though

Sometimes our hardworking Dr Iceberg ends up helping him because mama Glass is busy af

Dr Alto Clef

As dense as he may seem when it comes to emotions, he is very much aware of your unusual behaviour

Would most likely ask for some advice from Dr Glass

By ask I mean he booked in a therapy session for you and tricked you into going

And yes, you did end up going to see Glass

Simon then informed about your situation with Clef and he was stunned

If it was someone/something making you feel this way then he'd go out of his way to sort it out

After all, Clef is rather good at completing missions

Makes sure to comfort you whenever you're down and suicidal

Sometimes he'd even share his experiences with you

Would try and act goofy but came out rather annoying

Ended up asking Bright to help him cheer you up

Dr Benjamin Kondraki

Kondraki is a little dense but would notice something's off

Wouldn't be 100% sure so he just keeps the thought to himself instead

Would also go to Glass for some advice about your strange behaviour

Glass ended up teaching Kondraki some psychological stuff just so he can be left alone for once

Would never make you feel down about yourself

Definitely would motivate and compliment you

Acts all fatherly with you

Like he's protective with you to the point some people would jokingly say he's your dad

Making you share a room with him because he's worried and wouldn't act up weirdly when you're along

Kondraki might resort to asking Bright and Clef for some help

Might even ask Iceberg to do some of his paperwork because he wants to spend more time with you

[mandoalorian]

Pain Is For The Living [Javier Peña x F!Reader] - Chapter 1 (SMUT)

Summary: Sex work in the heat of 1980’s Colombia was never going to be a walk in the park. Especially not when you had a crush on your number one client, agent Javier Peña. You’d been warned about him and his reputation, but after one very specific incident that would change your life forever, you find yourself attached to him like never before and you’d do anything to make him yours. Even if it means endangering your own life.

Warnings: 18+ SMUT (male receiving oral), allusions to sex, reader works in a brothel, PTSD, anxiety, panic attack, mention of drugs, guns, character death, typical Narcos themes.

Word count: 4000>

Series Masterlist

*reblogs appreciated! Ko-Fi in bio if you want to support me!

It was the hottest summer in twenty years; or at least that’s what the weather lady had told you when you were getting ready for work this morning. 

You’d been searching for your best friend Rosa all over the brothel, asking your colleagues if they’d seen her anywhere. They all shook their heads or shrugged their shoulders before disregarding your presence completely so they could get back to their conversations. You understood their cold nature to a degree. You were new and fresh-faced in Bogotá, and this sex work was the only thing paying your rent. Sometimes you got the feeling they didn’t like you, but you did your best to shrug it off. The manner of your job wasn’t an easy one, that’s for sure. But Rosa had been with you from day one. Not only was she your only friend, but also, she was a mentor, and she taught you everything you needed to know about being a successful sex worker in the heat of Colombia.

You finally found Rosa outside the brothel, leaning against the brick wall, her sunglasses perched on the curve of her nose. Immediately something felt off. You couldn’t put your finger one what exactly it was, but everything about Rosa’s demeanor concerned you. The cigarette that she held between her fingers was almost completely puffed out, with just a noticeable pink lipstick stain on the foot of the filter paper. You stood next to her and leaned against the same wall, by her side. You noticed her shoulders relax a little at your presence, but Rosa still didn’t say a word. It was strange. She was usually bubbly and talkative, eager to tell you all the gossip she had learned from her clients. 

“Peppermint for your thoughts?” you asked Rosa, diving into your pocket and bringing out a carton of peppermint candies. As you waited for her response, you placed one on your tongue and sucked on it longingly. You’d been working long hours and it was the first thing you’d eaten all day.

“In a minute,” she said, dismissing the sweet and wiggling her finger in the air. She huffed and narrowed her eyes, watching the busy roads intently before taking one final drag off the cigarette. She stumped the end out and threw it away, but the cigarette that was once in between her lips was now replaced with her thumb as she nervously bit at her nails. “Has Limón  come by today?” she asked you eventually.

You knew the cab driver. He’d frequented the brothel a number of times. Rosa often had a lot to say about him until suddenly, she just didn’t.

“Not that I know of,” you replied innocently, but something still felt so incredibly wrong. “Rosa, is everything okay?”

Rosa’s head snapped to face you, and for the first time you noticed the fear strike in her honey coloured eyes. She sighed and pursed her lips together, before raising her hand and cupping your face. Her thumb grazed the height of your cheekbone and she finally smiled. But it wasn’t like her usual smile. It was soft and— sad.

“Of course,” she told you. “Nothing to worry about.”

And you knew better than to push Rosa, so you decided to leave it at that.

Silence with Rosa was comfortable. You both observed the bustling streets of Bogotá. You were thinking about the simpler things in life, like whether or not you could afford the luxury of canned spaghetti hoops in advance of this month’s rent payment, or where in the brothel you’d left your signature lipstick. Rosa, on the other hand…

“He’s an agent you know.” She announced suddenly.

You furrowed your eyebrows together. “Who? Limón?”

Rosa let out a bark of incredulous laughter, and you assumed as such. “No no, not Limón. I’m talking about Peña.”

You felt your cheeks warm up at the initial mention of his name, and you tried to fight back a smile. You had to keep cool in front of Rosa. Sure, the whole brothel knew about your crush on your client but only Rosa’s opinion mattered to you. “Javier?” you quizzed, as if you needed to question who Peña could possibly be.

Rosa rolled her eyes playfully and you stifled a laugh, realising how silly you sounded. “You’ve got it bad huh?” Rosa acknowledged and you felt a flush of shame creep upon your cheeks. “It’s okay. When I first started out I had countless crushes on my clients.” she confessed, and her revelation made you feel somewhat better about yourself.

“How do you know that… about Javier?” you wondered out loud, biting your lip and trying to sound as casual as possible. You’re the girl he’d been fucking with for the past two months and he hadn’t dared open up to you about a single personal detail in his life. Truth be told, that’s what made him different from the other guys. So if anyone was to know anything about the man, it should be you. Why wasn’t it you? You couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy that your beautiful best friend was seemingly omniscient. “Have… have you been sleeping with him?”

Rosa frowned apologetically and smoothed out your hair. “No honey. I wouldn’t do that to you,” she promised and you nodded your head slowly. You had no reason not to believe her but she still hadn’t answered your question. Just as you went to prod her further, she opened her mouth. “But be careful. Crushes on clients can be dangerous. You never really know who you’re working with. Javier has a… reputation amongst the brothels in Bogotá.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat… a lump that you didn’t even realise you were holding back. “He seems nice. Respectful.” you admitted with a slight shrug of your shoulders. You’d be foolish to dismiss a word of advice from Rosa, but warning you about Javier…? You knew him better than that. You knew him. You had every inch of his body memorised. You could spot his scent from a mile away. You knew he was a good guy.

Rosa hummed slightly before squinting at an oncoming truck that was pulling up outside the brothel. “Speak of the devil.” She muttered.

“Javier!” you couldn’t help but beam excitedly. You quickly turned to face Rosa. “Could I borrow your lipstick? I lost mine and I-” Out of nowhere, Rosa pulled out her pink lipstick and passed it to you. You took it willingly and gave her a quick hug of gratitude. “Thank you.” you mumbled into her neck before pulling away. 

“Be careful!” Rosa called after you as you ran back inside the brothel and into the lobby where you’d wait for Javier.

Be careful. You chuckled a little at her words. You had nothing to worry about. You quickly applied your lipstick with as much precision as possible and checked your hair in one of the many mirrors. Your heart rate picked up speed the second you saw him enter the lobby. Today, he was wearing one of his trademark colourful button down shirts - this one, a pale yellow colour that was comparable to the sunshine. He was frowning, just like always, but the bright colour on him radiated an air of enlightenment.

He looked around the lobby in search of you, and when his eyes finally landed on you, he immediately felt at ease. You waved him over with a smirk and he took off his aviators, hanging them in the v of his shirt. His eyes were beautiful, like the deepest shade of cocoa. You made an unfortunate habit of getting lost in them at any given moment.

“Hi Javi,” you cooed, placing the palm of your hand on his chest. “You’re early today.”

“I can’t stay long,” he grumbled. “Have to get back to the office. Can we make it quick?”

You tilted your head curiously. “What do you have in mind?”

Javier brought out his wallet and handed you enough peso’s to cover an easy blowjob. He looked up at you, hopefully, with an adorable sheepish grin on his face. You took the money from him and nodded your head before taking his hand and guiding him to your room.

It was the room he’d grown completely accustomed to the past few months. He knew his way around. He was comfortable. He closed the door behind him and immediately worked at undoing his belt. You glanced over at his payment that you’d discarded on your dresser and thought long and hard. You really liked Javier. Enough so that you felt weird about taking his money. He was different to the other guys. You fucked men because they were paying you, but you fucked Javier because you liked it. You wanted it. Every second he wasn’t with you… you only craved him more.

Too lost in your own thought, you’d forgotten the man of your dreams was standing by the door waiting to get sucked off. He cleared his throat awkwardly and your head snapped in his direction to face him, your eyes going comically wide. You felt embarrassed that you’d left him waiting and quickly paced over to him, kneeling down and unzipping his denim jeans. He was already hard, judging by the familiar shaped imprint against his thigh.

“Everything okay?” he hummed as you pulled out his cock. His question turned into a slight garble as soon as your fingers graced his leaking head. You gathered his precum and rubbed it along his thick length and his eyes immediately snapped shut.

“Yes. Why?” you asked innocently before pressing a kiss to his slit. You looked up at him through your eyelashes with wide doe-eyes.

“Looked like something was preying on your mind.” Javier muttered, scrunching his face up in pleasure as you licked a stripe along the base of his cock. You extended your hand to massage his balls and you continued to pump at his length.

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” You beckoned further. “To let go?”

“Fuck,” Javier hissed. “More.” he pleaded and you quickly obeyed, wrapping your lips around his head and pushing his cock deep into your mouth. You felt his body tense up and he threw his head back against the wooden door. “More!” he choked out.

You hollowed your cheeks and sank your lips as far as you could go, so his groomed pubic hair tickled the tip of your nose. Tears began to prick your eyes and you pulled off him quickly to gasp for breath. Javier was heaving and panting too, and you took a second to look up at him and lick your lips. He was so perfect, a thin sheen of sweat glistened along his collarbones, only just noticeable under the dim amber lights of your room. Before he could catch you staring like a hopeless lovebird, you reattached your lips around his cock and finished up the blowjob, feeling more than satisfied when his ropes of cum spilled into your mouth.

Once his cock softened enough to tuck himself back in, he zipped up his jeans and redone his belt but not before helping you stand. Meeting respectful guys like Javier Peña in your line of work was a rarity, that’s for sure. Still you couldn’t help but think about Rosa’s words as you watched him smooth out his shirt. No visible police badge. No signs that he was an agent. To say it irked you was an understatement. How did she know he was an agent? There wasn’t a chance he told her… not when he was so secretive with you. You’d been fucking him for two months now and you didn’t know a single detail about his life. You didn’t know where he lived, or how old he was, or if he had any siblings. Rosa might have been your best friend, and she swore to you that she wasn’t sleeping with him on the side, so how did she know?

Of course, it could’ve easily all been bullshit. She could’ve been scheming a way to get you to fall out of love with him. Nobody likes a cop. You couldn’t figure it out no matter how hard you tried, but you knew for sure Rosa would never want to hurt you. You were annoyed for letting yourself get so irrational. You just wished… you wished that he’d talk to you. Treat you more than just some whore he got to use at his own beck and call. Your stomach twisted when you realised that was exactly all you were. A fool facing the wrath of unrequited love. You sighed and grabbed his jacket from the bed.

“Thank you,” he said, taking his jacket and swinging it over his strong forearm. It was too hot outside to wear. You nodded in acknowledgement but didn’t say anything.

For the first time since meeting Javier Peña, you had let yourself get hurt, and for no good reason either. You couldn’t confront him about it. You couldn’t tell him no matter how much he asked you. You just had to suck it up and get over him. He was a client and that was all he could be. Nothing more. Rosa was right. Falling for your customers was a dangerous deal.

“You’re my favourite, you know.” Javier announced, his voice low and heated. You locked your eyes on his. 

“What?” you asked, completely taken aback. 

“You’re my favourite girl,” he clarified with a small shrug, as if his comment wasn’t life-changing. Just like that, you were once again putty in Javier Peña’s hands. Your determination to get over him lasted all of five seconds. Before you could reply, he took a step closer to you, breaking any distance and placed a hand on your cheek. He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering against your skin noticeably longer than usual.

You weren’t mad anymore. Your feelings for him were restored just like that. Your eyes were wide as he pulled away from you and licked his lower lip. You felt like you were melting over the sweet menial gesture. You wanted to say something - anything. You wanted to pull him on top of you and crash your lips against his. But no matter how hard you tried to say something, no words came out. All you could manage was a shy little smile. It was the same smile that made Javier’s knees weak. He squeezed his hand into a fist to resist the urge of kissing your perfect lips and instead readjusted his sunglasses. You ducked your head down shyly and opened the door for him.

“Stay safe.” he uttered.

The same two words he told you after every visit. Stay safe. It was almost as if your client had a genuine care for you. You nodded in affirmation and offered him one last smile before he left the brothel and headed back to ‘the office’. Do agents even work in offices? You wondered.

You paced around the corridors of the brothel to find Rosa, wanting to return her lipstick and also tell her about Javier. You were excited. He really said you were his favourite girl. Out of all the girls, you were his favourite. To say you were beaming was an understatement. 

You caught her speaking to Javier as he walked out the brothel front door and you felt an anxious knot in your stomach tighten. It was hard to make out from the distance, but by the looks of it, Rosa was crying. The conversation was only brief, and Javier nodded along to whatever she was saying, before handing her a card and leaving for good. You officially had questions. You went to push through the crowds of people but a man much taller and larger than you placed a hand on your shoulder and pushed you back.

“Whoa,” you stumbled. “Can I help you?” He made some crude gesture with his fingers indicating the type of sex he wanted with you and you couldn’t help but scrunch up your nose in disdain. “Yeah okay,” you agreed with a small sigh. “Just a second though, I have to find someone. My room is 20 if you would like to wait for me--”

“No,” he growled, pinning you against the wall. “Now.”

You glanced behind his shoulder searching for Rosa but she had evidently already disappeared. 

“Okay.” you huffed, pulling yourself out of his grip and leading him to your room. You supposed you could tell Rosa about Javier after you’d dealt with this guy.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

He’d left about ten minutes ago, and you were just finishing up in your room, getting ready to clock out of work and call it a day. The brothel lobby was often loud and bubbly, but the second you heard all the muffled chatter stop, you knew something was up. You pulled your purse over your shoulders and locked your room before walking down the corridor. As you approached the lobby, you heard loud footsteps and yelling. The second you stepped foot in the main room, you saw the man Rosa had been asking you about earlier in the day, and your heart sank.

“Where the fuck is she?” Limón shouted. He and another man paced around in circles. It had gone quiet because the men had the other girls, your colleagues, pressed against the wall, holding guns to their heads. Your eyes widened in horror and you immediately brought your hands up in the air to surrender.

“Are none of you whores talking? Where the fuck is she?” the other man hissed. 

“La Quica,” — so that was his name — “Shut the fuck up. You’ll draw unwanted attention.”

They hadn’t noticed you yet. There was still time to escape. But your feet were frozen to the ground. How could you dare run away and leave the girls here, unable to fend for themselves?

Limón pressed the handgun to Martzia’s head. “Where is she?” he spat.

“Who?” Martzia gasped.

“Rosa!” Limón bellowed, clocking the gun in anger. “Where the fuck is Rosa?”

“I- I don’t know!” Martzia cried. She was visibly shaking in terror. All the girls were.

“Bullshit!” Limón snapped back, and within a second, he pulled the trigger and Martzia was dead on the floor.

On impulse, you looked away, but you’d already caught an eye-full. Martzia’s blood was not only on the wall behind her, but it was on Juliet too, who was now a whimpering mess. Taking a deep breath, you mustered up all your strength to look back at the girls. Most of them had their eyes closed and their tear stained cheeks glistened under the dingy lights.

“You. Shut the fuck up.” Limón  growled before moving over to Juliet and pressing the gun against her head. She choked out a sob and apparently that was enough for Limón to pull the trigger on her as well. You slammed your hands against your mouth and let out an incomprehensible noise. That got Limón and La Quica’s attention. La Quica grabbed you and pinned you up against the wall so you were only centimetres away from Martzia and Juliet’s limp bodies.

“How long has that bitch been standing there for?” Limón asked angrily and La Quica shrugged his shoulders. Limón pulled on your hair so he could get a good look at your face. “Hey La Quica this whore must be new. Haven’t seen her around before. Nice ass too.” He smirked, wrapping his hand around your neck and squeezing it. “Do you know where Rosa is?”

You didn’t. But neither did Martzia and that had got her killed. Even if you did know where Rosa was, you wouldn’t give up that information. You couldn’t. Your heart was slamming against your chest and when you felt the handgun press in between your shoulder blades you thought you were going to pass out right then and there.

“Limón.”

It was her. It was Rosa. You felt the handgun slowly slip away from your back as both Limón and La Quica turned around to face your best friend. When you were certain they weren’t looking at you anymore, you turned around too so you could take a look at Rosa yourself. When your eyes met hers, you saw her face soften.

“Rosa!” Limón hissed, running over to the girl. “Tell me it isn’t true. Tell me it wasn’t you.” Limón grabbed on to Rosa and began to shake her. “My apartment was fucking raided, Rosa. A kilo of coke, gone. They know. They know we’ve been chauffeuring Escobar.”

You were baffled. We? She’d been helping chauffeur Pablo fucking Escobar? You shook your head in disbelief, praying it wasn’t true. She’d been lecturing you about the dangers of your job when she’d been doing the most dangerous thing of all. And how could she not tell you? If she had just told you… maybe you could’ve helped her. Maybe you could’ve done something. It couldn’t be true.

“I called the cops,” Rosa confessed, her voice emotionless and her face stone cold. “I called the cops and they put me through to the DEA immediately. I met with an agent. I told him everything I knew. I ratted you out Limón, and you should thank me.”

Limón raised his hand and slapped Rosa across the face. “You bitch!” He shouted. “How could you do this to me Rosa? How could you fucking--”

Then, a gunshot.

The sound was blinding and everything went in slow motion. You swore that your heart stopped beating as tears streamed down your face. You screamed as you watched her body fall to the ground.

“La Quica you fucker! You killed her! You killed Rosa!” Limón cried out in anguish, grabbing his friend by the shoulders. “What the fuck man! What the fuck!”

“She confessed,” La Quica huffed, trying to calm his friend. “I know you liked her but she’s a fucking whore, Limón! She made her mouth go. She’s the reason you had the fucking DEA sniffing out your apartment. We’re not only in trouble with the cops but if Escobar finds out… shit man. I’m scared.” 

Both La Quica and Limón were visibly freaking out. They had put their guns away at least, but they were pacing around in circles again and shouting at each other. But you couldn’t hear a single thing. You couldn't see anything... just the blur of their bodies. You couldn’t smell and your fingers felt numb. You felt like you were falling. Your chest was tight and your heart was broken.

“We have to run Limón, three fucking gunshots. Three dead bodies. The cops have probably already been called.” La Quica informed Limón as he helped coach his friend’s panicked breathing. You looked down at Martzia and Juliet’s bodies on the floor and then your gaze followed over to Rosa’s body. As the men scrambled out the brothel, you fell to your knees and crawled over to your best friend.

“Rosa,” you whispered, tears streaming down your cheeks as you picked up and cradled her body in your arms. Her blood was all over you, and you felt like you could throw up at any second. “Rosa please. I- Rosa. No no no what… What did you do Rosa?” You chanted your best friend's name and cried into her body.

What did she do?

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[brittledame]

Characters: Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori, Yamagata Hayato, Reon Oohira, Semi Eita, Shirabu Kenjirou, Kawanishi Taichi, Goshiki Tsutomu

Word Count: 5.7K

Tags: SFW, gender neutral reader, first date nerves, fluff, ages not specified

Notes: I did this instead of working on the other projects bc I wanted some fluff and here it is!

Ushijima:

On a visit with his grandmother is when he’s told about a local pottery masterclass happening the following weekend, piquing his interest

After some research, he comes to learnt that pottery is the perfect relaxing hobby with the added benefit of fine tuning his dexterity

It didn’t take much else to convince him to go

It was only after talking to a friend that he realises he should probably invite someone to tag along

After his grandmother politely declines, he follows her coy suggestion of inviting someone he likes

He invites you seemingly out of the blue

You’ve known him for a great deal of time and done some activities with him that could be construed as “romantic” and only started dating when Ushijima stated your relationship status to his team nearly a month ago

The look on your face when you found out at the exact moment as his team was priceless

After that, Ushijima left your relationship status on no uncertain terms and practically broadcasted it in his own unique way

This pottery class serves as another way to spend more time with you

After a few minutes of the pottery teacher painstakingly going through the motions to make a basic pot, a whirring noise followed by wet splattering steals your attention away from the clump of clay that is slowly taking form.

You glance over to find Ushijima looking at you, nonplussed at the mess of what was his pot now decorating his mock and forearms, his face is not left unmarked with the few splotches painting his cheek

You gape at him as he blinks as if coming out of a daze and looks down at the poor clump of clay and murmurs a small, “Oh.”

You didn’t mean to laugh, not really, but the utter surprise in his tone topped you over

After a mild scolding from the teacher and a new clump of clay, the two of you were good to go once again

The both of you took longer than most of the class, you with fussing about the tiny bumps you just couldn’t seem to smooth out and Ushijima with his second try

The class seemed to have unlocked his innate mastery of the ancient craft, as the pot looked near store-quality, you note with an ounce of envy

The group takes a break over some snacks and drinks as the pots are loaded into the kiln

Ushijima meticulously picks through the various glazes they had to offer, seeking your assistance after you picked your own out

You suggest the purple as homage to Shiratorizawa, where you two met, and the dark-rich brown, claiming it reminded you of his eyes

He considers you for a moment, a long enough pause for you to think over your words and begin to regret them before he nods decidedly and proudly presents the glazes he picked to the lady

With the class wrapping up, the lady running the class pops up as you two inspect your creations.

“Do you mind if I take a picture to post on our social media?”

Ushijima shakes his head as you answer, “We don’t mind.”

She flashes a wide smile and aims her phone in your direction. “Great! Say ‘pottery’.”

On cue you plaster on smile and brandish the clay creation as the camera clicks.

The lady, who is somehow even more dirtied than Ushijima, inspects the picture.

“You two are so cute together!” She fawns over the two of you. “I hope you enjoy the rest of your date together.”

She disappears before either of you can correct her.

You blurt out, "Is this a date?"

A pause. Then a hum, "I suppose it is."

A shared smile, you leave the studio with linked hands.

When you get home, you prowl through the studio’s page and find the picture and break out into gut-clutching laughter at the almost-pained looking smile Ushijima makes, tiny pot perched in his large hands adding a comedic effect.

After you recover, you end up saving it and making it your screen saver.

Tendou:

For all his casual confidence, you’re the one to ask him out and he’s the one to officially declare it the “big” first date

The plan was to go manga/book shopping and eat at the in-store cafe

It sounded like a pretty cut-and-dry standard date but with Tendou anything can turn into an adventure

Ecstatic is an understatement on how excited Tendou was for the weekend

He was nearly berated a dozen times for not paying enough attention to what he was doing and almost caused a small fire at one stage

You didn’t fare much better, either

The pair of you got a great deal of laughter from relaying it to one another in the late night hours before meeting up

Although underneath it all lurked the residual anxiety he tried to fight away, so he reminds you during the call, just to check that you didn’t regret inviting him out

As much as he despised the thought, the dark voice whispering at him that you would stand him up were quickly silenced when you show up with a bright smile and his name on your lips

Tendou reckons it’s the sweetest noise he’s ever heard, right after your laughter that he coaxes out with the little melodies he sings to himself as the two of you make way to the popular bookstore

After arriving, you wonder apart to check out separate sections and end up meeting at again the in-store café with books in hand

Over the chocolate cake slice Tendou brought to share, you take turns to gush over the selected choices spread across the tabletop

“I mean it isn’t that over done.” You argue, popping another forkful of the overly-sweet cake into your mouth.

Tendou throws his hands into the air. “Are you serious? Hero meets bad guy, then they fight a whole bunch, bad guy kills a bunch of people and the hero never kills the guy because he ‘doesn’t want to stoop to their level’,” You don’t mask your laughter at the overexaggerated deep voice Tendou imitates. “It’s not fair to the people that the bad guy goes to hurt later on.”

“Oh, I entirely agree with you there.” You take a moment to wonder how Tendou has eaten nearly half the thing to himself already, you’ve barely been seated for longer than a few minutes. “When done wrong, the whole ‘taking the high ground’ troupe is really tacky.”

Tendou blinks at you like he didn’t expect you to respond. You raise a brow at him as a toothy grin spreads over his face, a slight pink painted across his pale cheeks.

“What?”

“Nothing. I like talking to someone that knows their stuff, is all. Don’t get me wrong, miracle boy is great company, but I can only try to convince him to read more than the ads they run for so long before I go insane.” He chuckles under his breath, words heartfelt enough that a matching heat spreads across your cheeks.

“I enjoy this too.”

A wide grin overtakes his face at your admittance.

“Well then, let’s not stop!” He offers, stretching his hand towards yours. You clasp it, feeling delicate against his larger one. “I still have to tell you about the whole ‘boy is given power he doesn’t know how to control and needs to find a grumpy mentor’ troupe next!”

You squeeze his hand. “I’d love to hear your thoughts on that one.”

Tendou clicks his tongue and wags his finger at you. “It’s not necessarily about my thoughts, it’s the conspiracy I think the troupe ties into.”

The seriousness in his tone made you pause, looks like you were in for a long one.

Amongst him linking the heroes journey and the innate desire for power over others, you marvel at the way his whole body comes alive when talking about something he loves.

It’s much later on, when he’s introducing you to his friends at a reunion, that you notice the bubbly and animated way he presents you to his friends, love evident in each and every word.

Semi:

Now you would think he’d be the calm and collected one after knowing each other for half a decade and dating for a month

Nope.

He's the type to plan to ask you at the perfect time, and will be in a pissy mood if he misses the "perfect" opportunity to ask

When he does finally pose the question, you’ll say yes and he’s ecstatic

Though, he will play it cool and be like, "Ok I'll text you the details later." And flash you the biggest smile that has you melting inside just a little

When he's trying to sleep that night it finally hits him

Oh shit he has to plan a date with the girl he’s been hopelessly pining for

After one text from you confirming you don’t mind where he picks, he’s both relieved and more stressed because now he has to analyse every little thing he knows about you and eventually starts doubting himself

In the end, he decides to play it safe and go with the popular, family owned cafe that plays live music Saturday afternoons

It was perfect, the music act would be quiet enough to still talk if you two wanted or serve as a mediator to break any awkward silence should it pop up

It is honestly the perfect date, in his mind

Comes the day and he swings around your place after agreeing to walk to the café together

The walk is characterised with the brisk autumn wind and catching each other up on what’s been going on during the week

The conversation doesn’t stop from there – something Semi could cry happily over

After ordering and grabbing a seat close to a stage set-up to the side, you note how bright and talkative Semi is and vow to yourself to see this more often

As he takes a sip in the middle of explaining the difference pick positions affects plucking sounds, you comment on his excitement

Even with the flush on his cheeks, he holds a suave facade and merely says that it’s hard to unwind when his friends can be so chaotic when they get together

From there he starts opening up and imparting little facts about himself that you commit to memory

You come to learn that his favourite colour was corn-silk yellow before he went to Shiratorizawa, now it’s royal purple. He loves tekka maki and boasts his mum’s hand-made ones to be the best in the world and offers to share it with you next time she makes them

All of these things slot into what you know about Semi, filed alongside the nuance’s you’ve noticed yourself.

When he’s unsure or embarrassed, he tousles his hair. And when he talks about something he’s passionate with, his hands start gesturing all about the place

You could’ve spent the whole afternoon like that, in the intimately-lit café, hidden amongst the dull chatter of the surrounding patrons, just listening to Semi’s soothing timbre

But life had other plans

The lights on the stage brighten as someone wearing comfortable clothes strolls on and perches up on the stool set-up in front of a lone microphone. She didn’t give off any signs of discomfort at being stared at as she sets up her guitar, giving a few testing strums before introducing herself and launching into her music.

It was only then that conversation broke and ushered in a lilting voice floating on gentle notes.

“They’re amazing.” You breath, eyes not leaving the stage until the musician dismounts from the stage.

“That’s what I want to do one day.”

You turn to him. “Really?”

“Yeah.” The corner of Semi’s lips quirk up a bit, a secret shared unto himself.

“Why?”

Genuine curiosity spurs you to ask, to know. While you could picture Semi perched on the same stool with a guitar all too easy, you never really thought Semi would pursue a career in the industry.

Semi finally turns to you, a fire in his eyes that was normally caused by volleyball and a good challenge. “I want to make people happy and sad - all the emotions really. I want someone to look at me like you did to that girl.”

Tilting your head you say, “Looking at her like what?”

Semi audible swallows. “Like someone that loves the music I make.”

Reaching over the table, you run your thumb over the backs of his knuckles, a comforting gesture. “Semi, I already love talking to you and hanging out, so why wouldn’t I like the music you write?”

The resultant blush on Semi’s face was answer enough to that, even though he tries to hide it behind his cup.

After that, meeting up at the café ends up becoming a weekly occurrence, an oasis that you both look forward to in the midst of life’s chaos.

Yamagata:

Yamagata actually is the smoothest out of them all

After a two weeks of dating, he bounces up to you after a particularly hard day and offers to take you somewhere fun the next day

Your definition of ‘fun’ varies from his, as you soon find out

Where Yamagata believes the best way to get to know someone and have fun simultaneously is putting them through challenges, whereas you believe sitting down and chatting to be the most optimal method

Unfortunately for him and fortunately for you, the paint ball range is closed

Amusement park it is

He leaves it as a surprise and doesn’t tell you until you question the sign of the park he visited frequently as a kid

Overall, you have an absolute ball with him, never a dull moment

Especially after the ferris wheel when Hayato goes to reach for his phone to check the time and finds it missing

The only reason he had it out in the plastic swinging booth was to take a sneaky picture of you looking carefree and relaxed as you gazed down at the park – not that he admitted to that when you asked just how it escaped his pocket

Obviously, it was a very slippery phone since this was the third time this week alone he lost it

After tracking it down with the help of the kind but tired ride operator, the two of you were on your merry way to the next ride, but not without a few light-hearted digs at Yamagata’s forgetfulness

You get to learn a lot about each other personally while waiting in line and over lunch after recovering

At the end of the day, your cheeks ache from much smiled

“I don’t remember it being that crazy as a kid.” Yamagata says, looking pale and breathing shallowly, as if to keep himself from being sick.

You couldn’t blame him, the rollercoaster he convinced you to go on under the guise of “This was my favourite one as a kid! You wouldn’t deny a man from reliving his childhood, would you?”

And like a fool you caved under the pout like a badly cooked soufflé. Now you wished you put up a bit of a fight against going on it. The screams of the riders before you were not exaggerated in the slightest.

“I don’t know how they allow kids on that.” Is all you supply, feeling a little green as well.

Yamagata directs you to the nearest bench and you follow his lead and slump into the seat.

“I don’t know how I forgot how much that thing threw me around. I must’ve just about fell off as a tiny kid. Remind me to thank my dad for coming on with me.”

You try not to laugh at the image of a tiny Yamagata ecstatically cheering as the ride swings around corners at full speed as his dad frantically tries to keep his clueless son from getting tossed out of the cart.

“Your dad is a brave man to go on that thing wilfully.”

Yamagata grimaces. “Brave is a nice way of putting it. I’d call it being insane to put up with me wanting to ride it eight times over.”

This time you do laugh.

“It must be hard saying no to your own kid, though, so cut him some slack.” You joke, knocking your elbow against his side.

He playfully pushes you away, widely grinning once again. The heat from the sun blaring ahead suddenly floods into your cheeks. The sensation of your heart feeling too large for your ribcage seizes you.

And the feeling doesn’t leave, it sticks with you as he laughs, as he drops his ice cream and pouts like a child. It intensifies as a dreamy look enters his eyes as he recalls a fond memory associated with a ride.

You hope that one day that he makes the same expression when he recalls this day spent with you.

Reon:

For some reason, Reon seems like the kind of guy to be inherently talented with gardening

He’s the resident green thumb alongside Ushijima, people pass their dying plants into Reon’s hands for magical resurrection

So it was a no-brainer for him to take you to the local botanical gardens

Rife with both native and exotic flora, there were many scenic walks available, thus was the perfect place for a first date to Reon

Reon meets you at the gates with a soft greeting and an outstretched hand – you two walk through the park with your hand intertwined like that for the rest of the day

Throughout the walk, he points out flowers and gives you their common name and their meanings, along with the meanings he gave them as a kid

It was entirely too cute for your poor heart

“And those are yellow carnation.” He points to a patch of bright yellow flowers with soft-looking ruffled petals. “They represent dislike and disappointment towards the person you give them to, but as a kid I thought they meant that she was my sunshine because of the colour. My mum got quite the kick out of it when I gave them to her for her birthday.”

You burst into laughter, unable to smother it even with Reon’s apparent embarrassment at the event

If your allergies start to play up too badly, Reon will take you to his favourite part, a densely packed section of the gardens filled with trees, concealing a secluded tiny red bridge stretched across a large koi pond with the largest and most colourful koi you’ve seen

Everything within you wanted to stretch this moment out, you could easily live in this moment forever. The buzzing of cicadas in the distance, the grass blades tickling the palms of your hands from where you sat, the soothing rumble of Reon’s voice – this is your personal slice Elysian peace

You did not want to give this up

It’s there that he finally unlinks your hands and brings out the packed lunch he made.

“You made all this?” You gape, taking in the diverse range of food he brought out of his bag.

From seared fish placed neatly atop seasoned rice, to perfectly rounded onigiri. In the next box he opens sat seasoned chicken and beef slices that made your mouth water. Not to mention the salad of rich greens, reds, and yellows that called your name.

Reon chuckles at your awe. “Yeah, I did. I thought it would be nice to eat something home-made while out here, but if you wan to grab something else-“

You cut him off immediately. “Definitely not! This looks and smells amazing. It would be a crime not to eat it.”

The corners of Reon’s eyes crinkle as he smiles, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I did try not to burn it, so I hope it tastes nice.”

“If it tastes even half as good as it smells, you’ll have to fight me to stop eating.” You reply, accepting the plate he holds out and give thanks as he starts loading your plate.

“I’d never stop you from eating,” he clicks his tongue in false sternness, to which you grin at. “If you’re hungry, I’ll feed you until your happy.”

“I’m happy right now, but I definitely still want the food.” You cheekily fire back.

Reon shakes his head, a small smile tugging at his lips.

“Well then, eat to your heart’s content.”

Taking a bite, you startle Reon with your enthusiastic reaction.

“This tastes better than I imagined.” You gush after swallowing, immediately scooping up another forkful and eating it.

Reon brushes off your compliment in favour for leaning forward and brushing some crumbs off your face. The proximity as your breath stalling in your throat as he lingers for a heartbeat longer, then withdraws.

“I hope we can do this more often. This is the most fun I’ve had in a while.” He quietly admits, the mood taking an intimate turn even with the shouts of kids playing in the distance.

“Me too. I don’t want this date to end.”

Shirabu:

This man prides himself on being observant and not oblivious like how his friends are

And yet, contrary to this, it takes him several trips to realise that he’s been on what would count as a date with you

You'll talk about needing a new jumper for winter and Shirabu will ask to tag along. You wanted to watch a movie? Shirabu is coming too. Like having someone besides you while studying? Shirabu was your go-to study buddy, whether in silence or as a conversation partner when your brain was overloaded

Out of the blue, he asks with no certain amount of panic, "Were those trips I went on with you dates?"

"I never really gave it much thought…” You match Shirabu’s expression as you consider his question. "I didn’t want to be presumptuous and assume that they were, and you never brought it up, so I left it be."

"Let me have a re-do." Determination flares in his usually guarded eyes and you couldn't refute.

“Gladly.”

Shirabu glances away from your face, unable to bear looking at the fond expression you wore for too long without his heart suffering. “I want to take you somewhere nice.”

“Everywhere I go with you is nice, Shirabu. It’s less about the place and more about the person.” You rebuke.

Shirabu looks away before you catch the full extent of his blush at your words. “No, I mean I want to take you somewhere that can become special for the both of us.”

You catch his hand in yours, tugging it for him to turn back towards you. Gone was the characteristic impassive façade, now replaced with a tenderness that makes you near melt.

Your first official date with him is a picnic in a park on top a hill to watch the sunset

Something he thinks is extremely cheesy and overdone but the look of excitement on your face immediately silenced his rebuttals

There was no way in hell that he was going to be the reason for your disappointment if he can help it

As such, he went all out

Hiring the gazebo and ordering food to be delivered from a restaurant he knows that you’ve wanted to try out for the longest time

Not that he actually tells you, but it wasn’t hard to deduce his excitement when he waits for you at the gazebo with a small smile, dressed nicely in pressed slacks and a dress shirt with a bundle of flowers

Upon the wide-eyed stare he receives from you, he spends the first minutes of the date describing what the florist thought best for him

A bunch of camellias ranging from a deep and vivid red to the first blush of love pink to the innocence of white gathered in a golden ribbon. He doesn’t exactly tell you their meanings other than a short, “Flowers are flowers, all I want them to show is that I love you.”

What he didn’t know was that the florist had the foresight to hide a card detailing the meaning of each flower amongst the paper holding them

White camellias meaning “You’re adorable” to red camellias meaning “You’re a flame in my heart” (something you blush at in the security of your own home) and the pink one representing longing

As the meal arrives and the two of you eat, the conversation drifts from current events to bits and pieces of everything and anything

The highlight of conversation was Kenjirou’s answer to the question “What do you think you’ll see first: a ghost or an alien?”

Apparently Kenjirou was secretly a space-lover

From the lecture he launched into about the statistics of it all and you come away from that conversation with more knowledge of possibility of E.T's versus spectres than you would’ve thought

The afternoon starts fading into dusk quicker than you realised, too wrapped up trading short anecdotes of your respective families

Shirabu only realises the fading light once the fairy lights decorating the space become brighter, and it is only then that Shirabu like a gentleman, brings out a blanket and escorts you to the grassy knoll besides the gazebo

Laying out the blanket, you notice it’s the perfect position to watch the sun set and you can’t help but give him a quick hug in gratitude before you sit down and make yourself comfortable

It floored you how much effort and consideration he put into this one afternoon amongst all his classes and assignments – it made you feel incredibly warm against the cool night air creeping in

As you shift to get comfortable, your hand lands on top of his. You’re just about to whisk it away, but he shoots you a soft smile and twists his hand in your grasp and gives it a squeeze

Your hands stayed intertwined as the blues faded into pinks and oranges, then into purples and the deep satiny blue of the night sky

The sunny photos with matching smiles from that afternoon soon decorate your wall

Kawanishi:

Unlike the others, Taichi really doesn’t care about being seen as “basic” for taking you out to watch a movie and grab dinner afterwards

He asked you out so casually, you agreed without it even hitting you that it was a date until he grinned at you and cheekily replied, “Great, it’s a date then.”

The movie in question was one you’ve been waiting forward for its release and Taichi was interested in it as well, so really it was an excuse for the both of you to watch the movie together instead of alone.

It went great, asides from the old couple staring the two of you in line, not so quietly reminiscing their first date

Embarrassment aside, Taichi was sweet throughout the entirety of it

Arguing to pay until reluctantly splitting the bill when you argued that it wasn’t fair

Waiting outside for it to start, Taichi and yourself bide the time by guessing what the other movies were about by their posters and making each other laugh

Once the movie starts, the chatter between you two dies down, yet the casual intimacy doesn’t fade in the slightest

Sharing an arm rest, the both of you exchange glances at one another throughout the movie, and bump elbows when something interesting or funny happens

It was a far-cry from the intimacy of the other’s dates, but it was perfect for the two of you

By now, the two of you have been friends much longer than you have been dating

Neither of you wanted to rush things, happy to take it as it comes and retain that familiarity from years of friendship stay untainted from the innate awkwardness of new love

Coming out of the theatre, Taichi is the most talkative you’ve seen him yet as he offers his opinion on the film

You avidly listen without a word of complaint

It was nice to hear what went through Taichi’s mind when he always kept his emotions close to his heart, you felt damn-near jubilant over him coming out of his shell – even after all the years of friendship

He offers to grab dinner and after a mild debate over which place is better, you end up flipping a coin and grabbing some fast food and eating it at a near-by park

Eating the meal in relative silence, it was only broken to point out the ducks and giving them names. It was laid-back and you were enjoying yourself, yet Taichi remained stiff by your side.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry if this isn’t exactly the most romantic date.” Taichi rubs at the back of his neck, avoiding your eyes.

You quirk a brow at him. “How isn’t this a romantic date?”

Taichi finally looks at you, although in confusion. “Because I should’ve taken you to a nice, fancy restaurant for our first date.”

“I work on the belief that anywhere is romantic if you make it so. It depends on the company.” You shrug.

Taichi’s mouth curves into a smirk. “Oh? So you wouldn’t mind having our next one at a cemetery?”

You dig an elbow into his side and roll your eyes at the performance he puts on.

“That’s not what I meant, smartass.”

Taichi stops the pouting and slumps into the seat. Hating the sombre mood he’s in, you curl your arm through his and tuck into his side.

“Besides, you can always make it up to me in the future. I want the place to be so expensive that the proportions are baby-sized.”

Taichi’s rich laugh rumbles through you. It was a losing battle against the rapid thrum of your heart and the thoughts of warmth that consume you with his proximity.

You also didn’t try to fight the urge to cuddle further into his side, something he gladly accepted as he wraps his arm even tighter around you.

“I promise.” He sighs, a happy noise as he rests his head against yours, two bodies becoming one whole on that one spring afternoon.

Goshiki:

Not everything in life is a competition, yet Goshiki couldn’t thrive without it

Besides, if he thought too long and hard about it (which he did) an arcade date was the best option

It presented the perfect chance to show off his skills and impress you

When he finally works up the courage to ask you, it had been a while since you’ve been, so you were more than happy to accept

Goshiki deflated with relief because a back-up option didn’t exist

Even after dating for over a month by this point, this would be the first official date he’s taken you out on

After worrying that it was too childish or not at all romantic for a first date, you spent the better half of the afternoon before it convincing him otherwise

At the arcade, Goshiki takes your hand and guides you around the place, pointing out games he bested as a teenager before finally settling on war-cross-zombie two player shooting game

With the growing win streak, the two of you continue playing the game until Goshiki accidentally gets his player killed

Pouting, he suggests a different game to soothe his bruised ego

The pout disappears as he finds a different game he’s decent at, tickets flying out as the points rack up

He glows as you praise his skill

It was too easy to bait him into playing hoop games, which he surprisingly sucked at

You discovered him to be especially gifted at reflex games, where the both of you won the most tickets

With each claw game he stubbornly refuses to “eat his hard-earned money”, he proudly passes off each plushie to you

Goshiki wins whatever prize your eyes linger over, no matter how frustrated it makes him

With each one, you promise to keep and inwardly muse that you’ll have to install a new shelf for them

A few hours deep, you had managed to win him an eagle. It’s the only prize you had won big enough to portray the amount of affection you held towards the bowl-cut male.

It was a bit mishappen and looked more fit to be the mascot for a horror game than a children’s show, however you still offered it to him.

His eyes grow wide. “Really?”

“I mean, I can get you something better if you give me a few minutes…” You frown at the plushie as Goshiki holds it up. It’s even uglier in the light. Why the hell would they have this as a prize?

You reach out to grab it from him and Goshiki snatches it away from your grasp, pressing it into his chest and curling around it protectively. “No!”

You stand there, stunned, as Goshiki flushes at the looks he got from the shout and starts stumbling over his words.

“I mean, it’s fine and not creepy at all – No, I mean it’s cute,” he unconvincingly amends at your wince. “It’s something that you worked hard to get. I’ll treasure it forever, I swear.”

The conviction in his voice was enough to ease your concern.

“I could get you a better one, though. One that’s less creepy.” You offer, gesturing towards the wide array of claw machines boasting figurines and cuter plushies.

“No thank you. I like this one.” Goshiki is stubborn and you should’ve expected that.

You sigh, lips unsurely pulling upwards. “If you’re sure?”

Goshiki gives a sharp nod, and you know that that’s the end of that. He would not budge.

Yet you couldn’t find it within yourself to be exasperated at the awe-filled look he gives the plushie as you two leave the arcade, holding it like it was made of expensive finery instead of cheap thread and fabric.

Months later you got to see the monstrosity again, tucked up on the shelf above his bed, proudly sitting between medals he’s won through the years.

[blu-joons]

Idol Producer ~ Zhang Yixing

His eyes lit up as the studio was pushed open at the end of the recording. Yixing’s eyes looked across straight away as you walked in, handing him a cup of coffee, one you knew he definitely would need after a couple of hours with all of the trainees.

“You’re a star,” he smiled, pulling one of the chairs across so you could sit beside him. “I love helping all the trainees, but it’s such hard work, there’s so much to teach them.”

“I was about to ask you how it was going but judging by your face I know better than to ask,” you teased, resting your legs over his. “You’ve worked hard here; it’s bound to be tiring for you.”

“I’m just wondering if all of this has been worth it.”

Your expression softened, “it will be worth it at the end.”

The end felt like a long way off for Yixing recently. When he was asked to join the programme, he couldn’t have been more excited to work with the trainees, but as time went on and more was expected from him, it was a pressure that he struggled to deal with.

You could see his mind beginning to wander, tapping your hand against his shoulder. “Why don’t you take a bit of time away and do something else for a little while?”

“I need to get this done.”

You glanced over the work he had it, recognising that it was the scripts for the upcoming filming. All he seemed to be doing over the past few weeks was read over scripts and director’s notes as the pressure piled on to make sure the programme was perfect.

“You know what’s expected from you, and all you can do for all of this is your best.”

“You’ve not seen the trainees Y/N,” he vented, “one hundred is a lot, but some of them just don’t even seem like they want to be here. It’s a waste of my time.”

“So, focus on the ones that do want to be here,” you suggested, squeezing gently against his arm, “you’ve always been strict, it’s something they’ll have to get used to if they want to achieve their dreams.”

Yixing often worried if he came off a bit too strong to the trainees, but as you constantly reminded him, tough love was sometimes needed. “I just use what I was taught when I was a trainee.”

“And look where you are because of it, obviously it’s something that they will all need to.”

You’d taken a step back throughout most of the programme, trusting that Yixing knew exactly what he was doing. But when you began to see Yixing stress and worry, you couldn’t stay in that position anymore. He had the best interests of all the trainees at heart, but that didn’t always mean the trainees wanted his help.

You moved yourself closer towards him to stop his eyes reading through his lines whilst you talked, pulling at the ends of his jacket to spin him around to face you. “You’re doing your best, everyone is, something like this takes a bit of time to get used to.”

“What if it flops? What if all of this has all just been for nothing?”

It was a chance any company took with trainees and groups, there was always a worry that the group wouldn’t work out. Yixing had a strong idea of who he liked, but he knew the importance of making sure everyone got on well together in order to make the group a success.

It was one of the things he bonded with Jackson about, the two of them were more focussed on the cohesiveness of the trainees before anything else, if they didn’t have that, then there was no point even continuing with the search.

He’d spent hours at night looking over videos of the trainees, asking you for your opinions on all of them as an outsider. As far as you were concerned, every trainee was great, but you didn’t have the intricate eye that Yixing did in order to know exactly what they were looking out for in each one of them.

Your hand pressed gently to his cheek, “I don’t think it will flop, and if it does, that’s not down to you, that’s something that the group needs to figure out.”

“But I was given the responsibility of putting them together,” he groaned, scratching the top of his head, “who else can they blame aside from us?”

“Themselves,” you quickly asserted, shrugging your shoulders at him. “If Exo didn’t work out, do you think that people would blame SM, or you guys?”

He paused for a moment, staring across the room at the poster he kept up of the group altogether. “I don’t know,” he whispered, “it would probably be an equal split to be honest, it’s up to us to make it work, but SM decided that we were the ones.”

Slowly it began to sink in to Yixing that he carried far too much pressure on his shoulders. The mentors could only guide the trainees, as you continually reminded him, he wasn’t going to be there to hold their hands forever.

“If you’ve done your part, that’s all that can be expected of you,” you smiled, intertwining your hand in with his. “You’re doing what you’re supposed to, no one here is expecting you to work the hours that you currently do.”

“I just don’t want to let anyone down,” he whispered, resting his head carefully against your shoulder. “They’re relying on all of us to make their dreams come true.”

“And you are,” you chuckled, “I bet they’re all terrified of you right now, but in the long run, they’ll understand why you said the things that you said to them.”

He knew he was the tough mentor, the one that wouldn’t pretend to like something if he didn’t. He felt the tension grow when he walked into the room, he didn’t want to mess around or make friends, he wanted to make the programme, and the group, a success.

After a few moments, he leant across his chest and folded the piece of paper over, so the blank side was facing up. “I’m sure that I can look over this a bit later or tomorrow, maybe you’re right. I need to stop overworking otherwise I’m no good to anyone.”

Your head nodded, as finally a smile appeared on Yixing’s face again. “It’s admirable how hard you’re working, but you’re not the only mentor here. Just take a step back sometimes and try not to worry, you’re doing all that you can for everyone.”

Your lips pressed to the top of his head, brushing his hair away from the front of his face. “Thank you for coming to see me and supporting me through all of this. It means a lot that you’ve helped me through the filming.”

“I just want to keep an eye on you,” you whispered down to him, “you work yourself hard, a lot, without giving yourself any time to take care of you.”

“It’s certainly made me feel better about all of this knowing that I have you here with me,” he added.

“It’s nice to see you at work, those trainees don’t realise how lucky they are to have you.”

---

Masterlist

[littlemissagrafina]

Cuz if I don't leave this town, I might never make it out

Read on AO3

When Peter was younger, he had loved New York, the house he lived in with his family in Queens, and his Aunt and Uncle’s apartment.

They were his home, the city was his home, and he couldn't have ever imagined being anywhere else. He was happy, and he was content.

And then his parents died and he lost a piece of his home, of his content and happiness. But he was lucky. He still had family, he still had his Ben and his May.

For a few years, that was okay. Peter was okay. His home was a bit less full and happy, but he had May and Ben. They'd been getting their contentment back but here was a bad time in the middle of the good that had been growing. 

It's name was Steven 'Skip' Westcott. Peter couldn't remember who that was, but he never wanted to if the wrenching emotions that swirled in his stomach whenever the name was said was any indication.

Peter couldn’t remember, but he didn't want or need to, to know that another piece of happy had been taken from his home. The city no longer felt as wondrous as it used to. The bad parts had become a bit more visible, now.

They stood out even more after Peter and May lost Ben. The good and bad of Queens and New York, of his home, balanced perfectly together.

That was when Spider-Man was born and the city started dipping more between the bad side and the good side with each patrol that Peter went out on.

With each cry for help, each gunshot, crash, gleaming knife, grieving wail, and flying fist, the bad became worse.

But with those also came the thank-you's, the smiles, cheers, laughter, celebration, and hugs, the things that made the good evident.

Peter would never forget the first time that he spoke to Tony about the exhaustion that being between those things brought. His mentor just smiled at him, something soft and sad and filled with understanding.

"There's a fine line between love and hate, Peter. Those standing on it, wish for the love, but can't help but see the hate."

Both of those things disappeared along with Peter when Thanos came.

---

Coming back from the dead was harder for some than for others.

For Peter, he wasn't sure if he had been Dead or just Gone. He only knew that he hadn't been Anywhere at all.

He wondered if some of him had been left behind when he was brought back from Wherever he had been.

Coming back for him had been both the easiest and the hardest. There were a million and one knew things, but also a million and one old things. Things Peter knew, and things he had yet to still discover. So many differences.

There were even some old things that had new things mixed in with them. It was confusing.

One of those old and new mixed things was his city and his home. 

Sitting on the rooftop of his and May's apartment that Tony had somehow kept in the time they were Gone, Peter looked out over the city and realised that he didn't see the good and the bad anymore.

Instead it was all grey and wrong and bad. He struggled to see the good, looking for the laughter and celebration and happiness but only found wrongness. A strangeness and disconnect.

If this was home, then Peter no longer wanted to be here.

What was once big and wondrous, and bustling, now felt suffocating, dreary, and stuck.

Peter hated it and himself for feeling that way. It was his home, he was meant to love it and feel comfortable and content. He shouldn't want to run away without a second thought and never return.

It felt like all of the good and love it had held before had been taken away. Left behind in the Nowhere.

---

Peter tried to ignore it. The differences he felt in himself and in his home.

He went out to school, visited May at work, Tony and Pepper and Morgan at the lake house, spent time with his family (which, wow, he had that again). He had even made friends with Harley Keener when Tony had moved the teen and his family up to New York. He went out on his patrols, had lab days with Tony, and spent countless days with Ned, Harley, and MJ.

Slowly, Peter built up a routine of it all. And it helped him. It kept him busy and occupied and in turn kept him from getting caught up in wanting to leave and just run.

It came tumbling down after he graduated. The differences became glaring and bright once again.

With no classes or homework occupying his days, Peter started patrolling more and spending more time around the city as Spider-Man.

It wasn't so bad in the beginning, it almost felt freeing to be able to go out at whatever time he wanted, but as the summer went along, it started putting a strain on him.

Ned and MJ were busy preparing to leave for college, Harley was finishing up his highschool internship in the R&D labs, and Peter wasn't going anywhere, having decided to take a gap year before going off to college himself.

He was stuck here and it was starting to get to him again, just like when he'd first come back from Nowhere.

The walls of his and May's apartment were too much. It was all the same yet everything was different. Nothing had changed yet everything had.

The lab wasn't enough to keep him stimulated, his inspiration for any tinkering or inventing was nonexistent.

His motivation to patrol and spend time in the suit dwindled to almost nothing, and when he did go out, he was continually reminded of the things he had seen, done, and stopped. He was reminded of things that had happened in the past

A robbery on 6th made him think of Ben.

Assault in a back alley brought Skip back to light.

A little girl and her parents looking for her lost teddy bear was Peter and his own late parents looking for his plushie when he was younger.

A frisbee in a nearby park was a shield.

A firework one night was the plane and Vulture on the beach.

Over and over his patrols brought up more and more things he would rather forget, until eventually he didn't want to go out anymore. 

Until, to his horror, Peter became bitter towards his home. He loved it, he did. It was a part of him. He'd been born there, raised there, lost and found family there.

But that wasn't enough anymore. There was an aching need in his chest to just leave. To go somewhere far away and just be himself without the city influencing him, and without the influence of his family and of Spider-Man.

He couldn't go, though. May was here, Tony, Pepper, and Morgan were here. Harley was here. Ned and MJ too when they would be home from college.

Peter had responsibilities as a nephew, pseudo son, and Spider-Man that, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't ignore.

So he tried to suck it up and do what he had to do. Go on in silence.

---

Peter sat on a couch in the tower penthouse, Tony and May across from him on another.

He'd known that Tony and May had noticed he was difficult, but he didn't know how to assure them that he was fine and happy and okay when he was so far from it.

Peter rubbed the palms of his hands over his jeans, resting his elbows on his knees and looking up at his aunt and dad from under his curly, almost-fringe. "I don't know what you guys expect from me." 

"We don't expect anything from you, Roo. All we want is for you to be okay. We've seen that you've been struggling for a while now." Tony trailed off slightly, looking almost unsure of himself, and May continued speaking.

"We thought we'd let you have the time you obviously needed to yourself after everything, and for a while it seemed like it was working. It isn't anymore, is it" May phrased it like a question but Peter knew that it wasn't.

He sighed, and shook his head. "No, it isn't. It's not like I can change anything, though, I just have to suck it up."

Tony's eyes narrowed. "And why can't it be changed, huh? Kid, if you talk to us, actually talk, we can figure–"

"Tell you about what, Tony?" Peter snapped, irritation flaring up out of nowhere; his head whipping up to stare at them with eyes filled with a pained desperation that neither Tony or May had been aware was so strong.

Peter carried on, the strength to keep his feelings tucked away finally failing him. "Tell you what? That I hate it here as much as I love it, that I don't want to be here, that I'm depressed and anxious all the time, that I can't patrol because I see every bad thing that's happened to me each time I do, or that I see the good things too?"

He stood up from the couch, moving to pace between it and the ceiling to floor windows, voice rising with his emotions. "What about that fact that I feel left behind seeing everyone move on and go to college and grow and form lives all the whole I'm stuck I the fucking past and present all that time. Or should I tell you about wanting to be back in the Nowhere because at least it was quiet and peaceful and I didn't have to deal with any of this there?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to tell you all that and expect you to understand or even for it to make any difference at all. None of that changes anything, anyway." His voice had faded to a whisper by the end.

A hand rested on his shoulder, turning him gently. Peter met May's eye's, her expression a strange mix of sadness and determination. 

"And why doesn't it change anything?" She asked him. "Why can't you just go, get away and find some peace for the first time in your life?"

Petter huffed out a breath, "Because I have responsibilities, May! I can't just leave them! I have school next year, Spider-Man, and you guys–"

"So?" Tony said, coming to stand by them. "Peter, none of those are worth your happiness and wellbeing. School can wait, Spider-Man isn't the only vigilante around anymore, and I can guarantee that all of us, as your family, would understand and want you to be able to find your freedom and happiness."

"He's right, you know." The three of them looked over at the doorway to the living room.

"If it's forcing you to stay somewhere you're not happy, or letting you go to wherever you might find that happiness, I know which I would choose." Harley said as he stepped into the room.

He closed the distance and gave Peter a crooked smile as he stopped in front of him. "Spoiler alert, it's always the second one."

Harley's smile dropped quickly, a seriousness enveloping him. "For real, Darlin', all of us want you to be okay."

Peter shook his head weakly, looking between three of the people who cared most for him. "But–" He started to say before he was cut off once again.

"But what? We've already said you can." Tony said.

"Because I shouldn't! I can't just run away from my problems like that." Peter protested, trying to explain that he couldn't leave, despite not really knowing why he couldn't himself.

Harley poked him in the shoulder, ignoring his boyfriend's indignant huff. "No, bad spider. Stop it." When Peter looked like he was going to interrupt, Harley shushed him. "Nope. I'm about to say really wise words of boyfriend wisdom. Don't interrupt the magic."

"If it were me wanting to leave, would you call it running away from my problems?"

Peter immediately shook his head. "No! Of course not!"

Harley looked at him smugly. "So then why is it running away when it's you, huh? Why is it any different if it was me and not you?"

Peter floundered, clearly trying to think up an argument. After a few seconds, his shoulders dropped and he sighed. "I don't know." He muttered 

 "I still don't know how I'd just go, anyway. I'd need to get money for plane tickets, I'd need passports, visa's, and whatever the hell else you need when you travel and–"

He was interrupted for what felt like the thousandth time. Which, rude.

"And I would get you all of that, Peter." Tony said in a way that gave Peter no doubt that he would.

May stepped closer to him, and cradled his face gently in her hands. "Peter, baby. You need this. Please accept our help. Let yourself need a hero instead of being the hero for everyone else." 

Peter nodded. "Okay." 

"Yeah?" Tony and May asked at the same time. 

"Yeah. I'll do it."

May pulled him into a hug, one hand running through his curls and cupping his head as if he was a small child again. 

Harley and Tony both smiled at him.

"Let's do this."

---

"You good?" Harley asked Peter, slipping his hand into his as they walked over soft sands, waves crashing next to them.

Peter was silent as they walked on, only speaking when they slowed to a stop and turned to look out at the vast, crystal waters before them.

He shook his head.

"I'm not okay. But I want to be."

He turned and smiled at Harley, the setting sun lighting his eyes in glowing honey shades.

"I will be."

[charming-2d-boys]

Heyo! Love your writing 💖 from most to least, who in the adultrio is most touch starved and how do they deal with it in a relationship? 👀👀👀👀

Hi! This is cute and sad at the same time, but I'll make it all better and fluffier ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧

Thank you for the request and I hope you'll like it! 😄

Warning: very long, a bit sad because of their pasts, some personal analysis based on common HxH knowledge, gut feeling and theories

A/N: literally poured my heart and soul, especially for Chrollo and Hisoka, because I feel really bad for what they had to go through and how twisted they can be, when things could’ve been so different

So the way I see things is as follows:

From the most touch starved to the least (they all are, absolutely, but the explanation will be below for each character):

Chrollo -> Hisoka -> Illumi

Why? Lemme demonstrate.

Chrollo

since he was probably abandoned at birth in Meteor City, he’s already missing the parents’ loving touch

Meteor City seems to be one of the harshest environments in the Hunter x Hunter universe, probably being second only (at least for me) to the Dark Continent, since that one is just nuts

because of where and how he grew up, he probably never felt anything... good, in terms of touching, affection, love etc.

Chrollo loved no one and no one loved him

not truly and not for what he is

but mostly for his looks, his power, the things he could probably acquire for them

the Spiders are the only ones who accept him as a leader and a friend, a mentor, but even so, they don’t seem that close

and he does seem like the type of person who craves it, so badly

especially after hearing about it, seeing other people do it and even reading all those romance books and poems

but he’s terrified of letting anyone that close to him and seeing him for who he is

not even he knows who he is for sure, so he is just really confused

and all those moments where he touched someone and even seemed like he cared were all lies

Chrollo actually doesn’t really get much comfort from doing it because it’s a total stranger and even though he’s the bad guy, maybe they are bad too

now, if he does get into a relationship, it’s going to be tough

he’s always searching for a catch, a lie, an ulterior motive

so you have to be very patient and actually take it easy

always ask him if he’s okay with what you’re going to do

he’ll always appreciate that and make him feel like he doesn’t have to act or lie or feel pressured into doing something he doesn’t want

if he really loves you and cares, he will slowly give in to the temptation and allow you to get closer to him step by step

maybe not immediately, but he’ll definitely start reciprocating and even initiating those affectionate gestures

and it makes Chrollo so happy when you respond positively because he needs some sort of validation that what he’s doing is okay, you’re comfortable around him, you accept him, you love him, you won’t hurt him in any way

if there’s anything that makes you uncomfortable, tell him, because there’s nothing more he hates than hurting someone he actually cares about

overall, in the end, he’ll be pretty affectionate and romantic with you because your affection, touches, intimacy, domesticity and love that you offer him allow Chrollo find a part of himself, a more human one that he most probably thought he didn’t even have

Hisoka

in Hisoka’s case, I’d like to mention the fact that he had his mother

for how long, we don’t know, but he was taught how to do some magic tricks by her

I do think that maybe they weren’t that close, but his mother could be somewhat affectionate at times

which is probably why he remembers the fact that she taught him pretty fondly

remember the fact that Hisoka doesn’t normally care about the past, so this must’ve been something pretty significant to him and still is, since he employs cards and magic tricks into pretty much everything he does

now, about how touch starved he is?

very

not as much as Chrollo, but certainly not that less either

like I said, he had a parent, his mother, so there was some family bonding and some motherly love (at least a bit), whereas Chrollo had nothing

that doesn’t mean that Hisoka isn’t touch starved

but he doesn’t really pay much attention to that

he probably has a lot of one night stands since he seems to be so... flirty and easily excitable and extroverted

maybe he really is shy, like he said? probably in a relationship and when he is vulnerable, but I’ll get to that in a moment

even with all the one night stands and his personality, Hisoka doesn’t really feel anything, at least not emotionally, when touching or being touched

only physically

and he likes it, but that would be it, he doesn’t feel any emotional connection to anyone

but in a relationship, an actual, real, romantic relationship, things would be different

Hisoka’s going to be flirty, teasing, even mean sometimes

especially when you actually seem to want to know more about him - as a person, his past, his hobbies, anything regarding him, not the persona he has made for himself

but, again, patience and don’t go overboard

it’ll feel like an intrusion

also, yes, touchy, very

but... it doesn’t really feel like anything more than something purely physical and if you tell him to stop, he'll listen and back off

it’s all about pleasure and if you get none, he’ll feel as if he did badly

so he’d rather not have to deal with that

just like Chrollo, he’s protecting himself and his heart

because pretty much no one wanted to be with him, but for the benefits he’d bring them

not that he really let others too close either - whoever did get too close and betrayed him died painfully, I know for sure

but you’d probably start breaking down those walls slowly, in time

he will share things about himself and let you witness it, but not too much and not too often

not really into talking about his past, but again, snippets, not everything

Hisoka’s scared that you’ll use what you find out about him against him

but once he realises that yes, he can trust you and yes, he can be himself?

all bets are off

touchy, flirty, teasing, but in a very... let’s say, lighthearted way, very focused only on the two of you?

the creepy flirting and whatever is reserved for whoever he wants to fight/kill

but with you, it’ll be a lot more romantic and affectionate

will absolutely love having you close physically and touching you constantly

feels recharged and happy when he’s close to you

will definitely be almost like a different person sometimes because he’ll allow himself to be relaxed and comfortable and vulnerable around you

Hisoka likes having someone like you to rely on and be able to talk to about his thoughts and fears (not many, but still), even if it doesn’t really happen that often

but, bottom line is, he trusts you, a lot more than he’s probably trusted anyone in his entire life and will be more honest with you as well

Illumi

for Illumi, I’ll have to say that it’s his family

yes, they trained him to be an assassin and was pretty much just a test subject for Kikyo and Silva since he is a boy and the oldest

but, still, he had a family that, in a way or another, was there for him, preparing him, helping him and providing him with whatever he needed and maybe even wanted

again, this is only my way of saying that he had some sort of contact with people who were close to him, especially from a genetical point of view, ever since he was a child and had help in case he needed it

because of all the torture and training he went through, Illumi is pretty much emotionless and immune to almost anything

he feels no real joy from being touched by others or touching them, and the only ones even allowed to touch him are his family and Hisoka, mostly because he’s persistent and they’ve known each other for some time

the only way he’s really been taught how to touch others is if he has to kill them, so you can imagine that he doesn’t really know what he’s missing on, compared to, let’s say Alluka or Killua, even Kalluto who were raised a bit more... lovingly

so imagine how it’ll be when he gets into a relationship with someone who’s a lot more touchy

he’d probably be pretty on edge and even appear threatening

but, explaining what you want to do in simple terms and your reasons should make him a bit more open, at least to the idea of thinking about this

of course, Illumi’s seen other people hugging, kissing, holding hands etc.

and he’s probably wondered why he never did that

but at the same time, he’s never really felt like he really needed affection in his life

until you came into it

when you started with small things (holding pinkies was something that lasted for like a month), he couldn’t really say that he saw the big deal

but at the same time, Illumi liked it a lot

when it came to hand holding, he loved the way your smaller hand fit into his and almost seemed like it was made for him and he could just keep you close and safe

other things, like hugging or kissing probably took a bit longer

his favourite thing to do has got to be cuddling because he just likes feeling like he can relax around you and also get his daily dose of touch, love and affection from one of the few people he cares about, even loves, and who he allows to touch him

and yes, he’ll slowly start touching you as well

something as simple as a brief hug before he has to leave just makes him feel giddy and he actually wants and needs more when he comes back to you

he likes feeling all those positive emotions, though he doesn’t really like that feeling of vulnerability, but he guesses that it’s only fair, considering the fact that you’re doing the same

to others, it might not seem like he’s changed much: the same emotionless face and the same ruthlessness as an assassin

but when he’s with you, everything just seems a lot more relaxed for the two of you and he can actually just breathe and know that he’ll have you by his side at the end of the day

[teletraan-meets-jarvis]

Monster - Part 2

AO3 Link

Characters: Commander Fox (Main), Commander Wolffe, Commander Cody, Captain Rex, Commander Stone, Corrie Medic Triage (OC).

Summary: Fox deals with the aftermath of his actions, unsure as to whether his brothers can forgive him.

Warnings: 16+, swearing, mentions of death.

Word Count: 3.5k

Part 1 here

Author’s Notes: I've been agonising over this chapter for far longer than necessary so please take it from me. Hopefully it's not complete gibberish. Feedback is appreciated as always, it's my first time writing such prominent clones all as proper characters in a fic so would be great to know what went well and where I can improve! This fic ends with this chapter but the ending leaves it open for imagination, if anyone has any cool thoughts for what may happen my inbox is always open to discuss further! Fic is below the cut, enjoy 😊.

When Fox next came around he was on the cheap sofa in his office. The rigid object making his back stiff, he must’ve been out for a while. He groaned as he attempted to sit up. He felt weak, his entire body sore and sensitive as he shuffled about.

“Welcome back, sunshine.” Stone greeted him while Triage appeared and started poking at him. Stone must’ve relieved Thorn from Fox babysitting duty. The thought made the Commander groan.

“How you feeling, boss?” The medic questioned as he started shining a small light into his eyes.

“Shit” he replied truthfully. “What happened?”

“You had a breakdown, a bad one.” The matter-of-fact bedside manner of the Guard’s chief medical officer was something Fox usually favoured, except when he was on the receiving end of it of course.

“Oh”

“It’s lucky Thorn found you when he did.” Triage chided while tapping away at his Datapad. His clean-shaven face focused as he went about the task. “You’ve got a visitor by the way”

“Hey vod” the gruff voice was followed by an even gruffer Commander strolling into view. What was Wolffe doing here?

“Thorn called.” Hm apparently he’d asked his question aloud.

Fox hadn’t seen Wolffe in months, he was always away on missions and rarely got down time when his Jedi had to return to Coruscant. His scar still stood out prominently against his tanned skin, but it looked better each time he saw him again, like it was slowly settling in to being a part of him. His armour was tattered, the grey paint scratched and chipped while the white plastoid was covered in the dirt of battle.

“Well I’m fi-“

“Don’t try it mir’sheb. I know what happened.” Fox flinched. Wolffe’s tone was flat when he spoke, his face unreadable and despite being one of the eldest of their batch, Fox felt very vulnerable under his little brother’s gaze.

As cadets and during command training, their batch had always been close, but Fox could confidently call Wolffe his best friend out of the lot. Their competitive nature pushed them to always be the best, their dry humour so cutting that only the other could truly understand it for what it was. Both of them were blunt, but over the years, the war had moulded them slightly differently. Where Fox was hardened and distant from his time on Coruscant, surprisingly, some of Wolffe’s ragged edges to his personality had softened. Not really noticeable if you didn’t know him from before, but Fox chalked it up to the friendship and mentoring of his wise Jedi and also his position as a Commander. Wolffe had lost his entire battalion early on in the war and Fox had held his heartbroken vodas he swore he would never let anything come between him and his men ever again. From that point on, Wolffe had gotten to know each member of his squad personally, always ensuring that they knew that despite his hard exterior, he’d always be there for them if they needed it.

Despite all this and how well Fox knew his brother, all that knowledge was doing nothing for him in his current situation. Wolffe knew that he’d killed another clone, yet he hadn’t lashed out yet. Was he just waiting until they were alone? The tension in the air threatening to smother them with each second that passed. Fox wasn’t ready for this conversation.

“We’ll give you two some privacy.” Triage announced before dragging a worried looking Stone out behind him.

Fox didn’t say anything, he just waited for the onslaught from his younger brother. He was sporting his signature frown which could mean a hundred different things.

“Before we even get into this, I just need you to know that we don’t hate you, Fox. We’ll always love you, you di’kut.” Wolffe’s voice finally carried some emotion now that they were alone. It held a mixture of things, brotherly frustration at Fox’s self-loathing, a fear for finding out things he might not want the answer to and the smallest twinge of betrayal for what Fox had done. But among the rest of it, among the words said, there was love. Fox huffed out a humourless laugh.

“Beats me as to why”

“We’re family. We don’t need a reason. We’re stuck with each other, whether you like it or not.”

Silence lingered between them as Fox finally found the courage to speak about the elephant in the room.

“I don’t know why I did it. I didn’t mean to.” His voice was faint, almost like if he said it any louder it’d all be real.

“I know ori’vod”

Fox finally launched into an explanation of what happened. His chest constricting further and further, threatening to rob his body of air as he pushed himself to get the story out. His hands shook in fear of what his closest brother would think of him, of what he’d done. Wolffe hadn’t spoken during the entire story, resigned to just watching him from his perch on his desk. Fox was panicking.

After what felt like the longest silence of Fox’s life, the younger Commander exhaled roughly, his bare hands rubbing at his scar out of habit as he processed the information. “You told Rex this?” Fox was shocked that out of everything to ask, that that was his question. The Guard Commander shook his head.

“Well, we better get him over here” Fox jumped out of his seat and placed a hand over his brother’s comm link.

“Kriff Wolffe, the poor guy has suffered enough. Last thing he needs is me begging for forgiveness for something he can’t forgive. I killed one of our own, one of his last few best friends. He hates me. And I really don’t blame him.”

“Maybe so, but he deserves to hear the truth from you. Whether or not he believes it is up to him.” Reluctantly, he let his arm go and stalked back over to the sofa. “I’ll comm Cody, he’s over there with him now.”

“Didn’t realise you were both planet side.” Fox grunted out, he could really do with some caff, his body was exhausted.

“The 104th were on their way back since Plo had some Jedi stuff to do, we touched down this afternoon. As for the 212th, they finished their last mission and once they heard about everything that’d been going on, General Kenobi requested they come back to help out. Though I have a feeling that was Cody wanting to check in on Rex.”

Fox wanted to ask how Rex was, but the searing guilt that burned in his chest couldn’t bear to ask the question. So he decided to check on some people who potentially hated him a smidge less, only a smidge though.

“Have you heard from the others?”

Wolffe nodded and went on to tell him about what the rest of their batch had been up to. Gree had recently been assigned to General Yoda, who he was absolutely terrified of. Fox didn’t blame him, the Jedi was extremely powerful for someone so pint sized, he’d also heard that he had a wicked sense of humour which would definitely stress Gree out, much to the amusement to the rest of his batch. Ponds was getting on nicely with Mace, they’d recently had a successful campaign near the outer rim and were due back on Coruscant soon. The eldest of their batch, Bly, was doing well too. Apparently Wolffe thought he had the hots for his General as Bly apparently refused to shut up about how amazing and strong and caring she was. Fox wasn’t sure if he was messing with him or not, but the thought brought a small smile to his face nonetheless. Trust Bly to fall in love with his Jedi General.

“What about you? How’s life in the Corrie Guard?” Wolffe asked.

Where could he even begin. Fox never offloaded about his problems onto anyone, except maybe his fellow Commanders in the Guard who he shared the burden with. Wolffe wouldn’t understand. A part of him also wanted to be the dutiful big brother and not place any worries or fears onto his vod’ika.

“Not much to report, same as always” he wasn’t lying at least. It was easier this way, for them not to know. They could keep thinking he was safe away from the battlefield. Their hopes in this war were already pretty low, they didn’t need to know about the horrors that lurked away, hidden among the senate corridors and the low levels of Coruscant.

——————————

Anxiety gripped at Fox’s chest as he paced a hole into his metal office floor. Waiting for Cody and Rex made him feel as if he was waiting for a death sentence. He thought of all the ways he could potentially escape but he knew Wolffe would be all over him. The 104th Commander always was a fan of tough love and things didn’t get tougher than this.

There was a slight commotion outside which pulled the both of them to attention.

Rex came storming in, his face set like stone, an angry frown marring his features and deepening the creases in his forehead. Once he set his sights on Fox nothing could deter him. “Rex, wait!” Wolffe shouted but he couldn’t stop him in time. Rex’s fist slammed into Fox’s nose with a sickening crack, sending the Commander sprawling backwards, catching himself on his desk as his nose started gushing blood.

Cody ran in from nowhere and locked Rex’s arms behind his back, trying to calm their little brother. “Rex, will you just listen to him.” He shouted down his ear while Fox recovered from the blow, cradling his now broken nose as Wolffe came to his side to help him back up.

“Why? Why should I listen? He didn’t listen to Fives!” Rex screamed back as he writhed in Cody’s arms. His words cut into Fox, making him grimace.

“I know. I’m so sorry, Rex.” Fox apologised with a burning sincerity, but it only deepened the frown on Rex’s face.

“I don’t want your apologies.” The Captain shouted back, gone was his usual professional composure. Right now he was a broken man who’d lost one of the last few people he’d let get close to him. There was no rank in this room right now, they were just a group of hurting vod, trying to pick up the pieces.

Rex spat his words out at Fox with a look that could kill, he probably wanted it to. He looked like he wanted Fox to hurt as much as he was right now. “Maker, I know Palpatine had you wrapped around his finger, I just didn’t realise how much.” Ouch.

“Rex” Cody reprimanded, his Marshall Commander voice coming out as he tried to defuse the situation. The Captain’s face was still masked in hurt and anger, but he did back down slightly after his verbal blow. “The past couple days has been hard for you vod, we know that and we’re here for you. But we wouldn’t be asking you to listen to Fox right now if we didn’t think it was worth it. Please, just give him a chance.” Once he finished, he nodded at Fox to signal him to get started. He took a deep breath and readied himself to try and explain the unexplainable.

“I know it sounds ridiculous but what happened back there, It wasn’t me” he started, and Rex just scoffed, still struggling against Cody’s hold. “Look, I can’t explain it. But I set that gun to stun, I swear to you, Rex. I know you all think I’m some cold, order-following droid but I would’ve brought him… I would’ve brought Fives, in for questioning. You- you have to believe me.” Fox pleaded, blood still trickling down his face from his broken nose. He wasn’t their usual, sarcastic, caffeine deprived big brother. No, Fox was a complete mess as he tried to reason with Rex. He couldn’t bare his brothers thinking that he did this willingly, that he’d turn on his own kind with just a simple order.

“What do you mean it wasn’t you?” Rex’s gaze was still unsure, but he’d never seen Fox like this before. He looked desperate, much like Fives had.

“I- I blacked out. One minute we were moving in and as soon as I saw Fives, and I know this sounds crazy, it’s like something else took over. I was just watching from the sidelines.” Fox gave an exasperated sigh as he tried to explain himself.

“Like something was controlling you?” Rex asked, the cogs in his brain turning as he waited for a reply. Fox just gave an ashamed nod and dreaded realisation dawned on Rex’s face.

“Maybe Fives wasn’t crazy” he said it as barely a whisper but with the silence in the room they all managed to hear it.

“What do you mean?” Cody questioned as he finally let his vod’ika go, content that he wasn’t going to assault the Guard Commander further. Rex used the freedom to go and lock the door to Fox’s office.

“What I’m about to say doesn’t leave this room, understand? No one can know, not our vode, not your Jedi, nobody.” The three of them nodded.

“Before he died, Fives was trying to explain what was going on to General Skywalker and me, he said that there’s something in our heads that could make us do whatever someone wanted… Even kill the Jedi.” Wolffe and Cody’s eyes widened at the thought, finding it impossible to even comprehend hurting their Generals who they cared for deeply.

“And if, if, he’s right about that, well, he said the Chancellor is in on the whole thing. That he set him up. And as insane as it sounds, that could explain why he sent Fox, of all people, to hunt him down.” Rex finally spared him a glance that wasn’t filled with complete hate, there was a slight bit of pity in for good measure instead.

“You’re saying that the Chancellor has some sort of control over me?” Fox replied. The colour draining from his face as he considered the option.

“I’m saying… it’s a possibility. After seeing what happened with Tup, what you’re saying happened to you doesn’t seem far off. He had no idea why he killed General Tiplar. Said he didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“Okay hold on, so you’re trying to tell us that Fives uncovered a plot by the Chancellor which involves all of the clones having something in their heads which allows them to be controlled, with the likely purpose of it being to kill the Jedi?” Wolffe asked with the hopes that he might wake up from this weird dream he found himself in.

“Pretty much” Rex replied.

“Ozik” Cody cursed. “And you believe him? Fives? You sure he didn’t just lose it?” The Marshal Commander needed this final confirmation from his brother.

“I-” Rex exhaled and dragged a gloved hand down his face “I think I do. I wasn’t sure before but with what Fox is saying, it’s all a bit too much of a coincidence. I believe him enough to at least look into what he was talking about. He wouldn’t have risked everything he did for nothing.”

Fox tried to keep breathing as the conversation went on. Controlled. A plot to kill the Jedi. Maker this was too much. Surely they had to be wrong. But then he remembered his shit show of a life, the things that the chancellor made him do, things he’d never do willingly if he had the choice like a true sentient being. Maybe it wasn’t such a faraway reality. He repressed the shiver that threatened his body.

“You do realise we’ll get executed on the spot if we’re found looking into this. This is treason. If what you’re saying is true, then it sounds like they went to some pretty serious lengths to keep Fives from outing them.” Wolffe added, ever the pessimist. Not that Fox blamed him, they were moving into dangerous territory with this talk.

“You three can walk away, but I owe this to Fives and Tup.” Rex said, conviction written all over his face.

“I’m in” Fox announced as he wiped most of the blood away from his nose and mouth. The ache from his broken nose setting in as the adrenaline from his and Rex’s confrontation started wearing off.

Wolffe and Cody shared a glance, a silent conversation taking place between the two of them. They both shared strong bonds with their Jedi in different ways, they wanted to do everything in their power to protect them, but could they keep this a secret for long enough? Obi-Wan and Plo were very in touch with their Commander’s emotions. There was a chance they’ll figure out something was up sooner than they’d like. They would just have to work fast. Cody nodded at Wolffe, and the decision was made.

“We’re in too” Wolffe confirmed. “I don’t want any more of our brothers to die if we can help it.”

“What about Skywalker? He was with you and Fives, do we at least have him on side?” Cody asked and Rex pulled a disappointed face.

“As soon as Fives mentioned the Chancellor being involved, Anakin wrote the whole thing off… It’s just us.”

“We can work with that” Cody comforted with a hand on his little brother’s shoulder and a small smile. The Commander’s comm link started chirping and he gave them all a sorry look. “It’s the General, I better take this and head back. But we’ll catch up later.”

“79’s?” Wolffe offered. Despite none of them fancying a night out, there was no better place to get privacy than a noisy bar filled with identical faces. Cody nodded and quickly departed.

Eventually they had to call Triage back to deal with Fox’s nose. He’d done well to hide the pain during the chat between the four of them, but it had quickly started to take over his thoughts. Thankfully his CMO came armed with pain stims and for once, Fox didn’t get absolutely ripped into by the medic as this injury wasn’t a result of his own stupidity. Well, to be fair, he was sure that assessment was up for debate, especially from Rex who was talking quietly with Wolffe around Fox’s desk.

Fox poked at the metal brace and bandages on his nose, the Bacta patch under it was a squishy texture. Triage knocked his hand away like a parent would a child who was reaching for the last cookie. “Don’t touch it” he warned, and Fox moved his hands back down to his side. “Given our accelerated cell regen and the Bacta patch, you should be good to wear your helmet again by tomorrow” Fox gave his thanks to the medic by clasping his wrist in a handshake before he was left alone with his vode again.

Wolffe conveniently dipped out to use the fresher, leaving Rex and Fox alone for the first time since the incident. Fox’s heart rate sped up as he thought about it, the scenes of Fives’ death playing over and over again in his head like a horror film on repeat. That look on Rex’s face when their eyes met over Fives’ body, seared into his brain as a constant reminder of what he did.

They stared at each other from across the room, Fox was still sat on his cheap, rock solid couch while Rex was stood by his desk.

Fox couldn’t hold the eye contact; he broke it off and shifted his gaze to his hands.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. It’s not what I’m asking for, you're well within your rights to hate me. But I just want you to know that I wouldn’t hurt you like this willingly. It’s the last thing I’d ever want.” Fox broke the silence. Still not brave enough to meet Rex’s eyes, to see the disappointment and betrayal which would likely be waiting for him.

He heard some shuffling and the couch sink down slightly beside him. He dared a look over and saw Rex’s scratched leg armour.

“I don’t hate you, Fox. I know you were put in a tough situation. I know I like to think I would’ve handled it differently, but truth be told, I don’t know what could’ve happened if Fives didn't put us in that ray shield. And while I don’t want to think about it, I have a feeling someone would’ve got to him eventually. It was inevitable.” He paused and took a shuddering breath. “I just… I just need a bit of time.”

“I appreciate that, take all the time you need.” They both shared a small smile, content that they’d get past this together. There was light on the other side of this dark tunnel.

Rex really did care about Fox; he’d always looked up to him over the years. He remembers the small stuff, the words of encouragement when a training simulator went wrong, the proud look on his face when he got promoted to Captain, the many nights of drinking Thire’s rocket-fuel moonshine in Fox’s office when Rex needed to escape from the war for a few hours.

They’d be fine, time was always the best healer. Fox just hoped that they had enough time left.

Back to Part 1

Back to Masterlist

[botheredbuck]

hi hello my name is leo and here’s the post that literally no one asked for about how three by sleeping at last is written for one evan buckley (with lyric references!)

maybe i’ve done enough  and your golden child grew up 

listen this is literally about the buckley parents. he spent so long trying to be the perfect son for his parents, trying to solve whatever he’d done to them, trying desperately to just be enough for them and breaking himself in the process. he literally tore himself apart trying to be just something to them. he talks to maddie when he visits her in the hospital (in buck begins) about them thinking he’s a loser and literally begs her to believe him when he says he’s going to be something one day. that’s the effect his parents had on him. and when his parents come back in what’s your grievance/buck begins and he finally gets to tell them how they made him feel his whole life, and that convo with them at the end of buck begins, i think that’s the beginning of him kind of being able to say i’ve grown up now, and yeah what you did will always hurt me but i can move past it now, because i have my own family, i’ve found somewhere where i actually belong. and with the 118, he doesn’t have to be that golden child 

(sure, there’s the protective, kinda mentoring instinct between him and bobby that we see a lot through the early parts of season one especially, but even with that there’s never this expectation that buck’s gotta be perfect - gotta be the golden child. bobby’s trying to help him be a better firefighter and grow as a person but there’s never that pressure that there was with his parents. 

oh and hey maybe that’s why the lawsuit happens because the whole thing about bobby holding him back feels too much like his parents underestimating him, never believing in him (they think i’m a total loser maddie, and i’m not, i’m not okay- i’m gonna be something, i just- don’t know what yet) and it’s hard beause bobby has never made him feel like that but it’s just a little too close)

maybe this trophy isn’t real love 

this lyric. i do not give it enough appreciation but holy fuck. okay but, its like- it fits well with this whole idea that buck grew up with that he always had to deserve love, yanno? like his parents’ neglect basically taught him that he had to be putting himself in danger and hurting himself to be worth even attention. and it’s like- with the 118, he’s finally getting to realise that maybe that’s not how love is supposed to work. he’s been brought up with the idea that he needs to work for this love because otherwise if he’s not good enough people will leave. and this doesn’t even finish with his parents. this goes all the way through to abby, to ali. he has this deep rooted fear that if he’s not good enough then people will leave him, because that’s all he’s really had. and then this lyric- it’s like, him realising that this version of love that his parents fed him isn’t real love, isn’t how parents should love their kids, or how families should care for each other. and it’s just buck’s realisation that this tokenistic love isn’t something that he has to settle for, because it’s not real love. 

and with or without it i’m good enough maybe i’ve done enough 

this kinda carries on from the first point but it’s like, buck finally getting to realise that he doesn’t need his parents love to be worth shit. like his whole childhood he was just trying to be what his parents wanted in the desperate hope that they would see him. and now he’s found this place he really belongs and in the 118 he’s found these people he really belongs with, and it’s like- suddenly he doesn’t need to try- doesn’t need to work to be loved. and it’s like, he’s realising that he doesn’t need to change himself to be worth shit. 

a mess of a story i’m ashamed to tell  but i’m slowly learning how to break this spell 

this- it’s just- the whole thing about buck getting therapy in s4. for so long he’s not really talked to anyone about the shit he’s been through, like even we see in what’s your grievance that the 118 basically know nothing about the buckleys. because buck doesn’t even talk about his past to them really, because he’s so ashamed of it. but him finally being able to go to therapy and work on it, it’s like- he’s slowly learning how to undo all this shit that his parents drilled into him, like about him never being good enough and about him having to work for their love and attention and change himself. and he’s finally learning, with therapy and with the 118 reteaching him all this shit about love (and not even romantic, like buddie is a whole other thing don’t even get me started, like familial love), how to get past his parents and realise that he is worthy of love, regardless of anything else. 

and i finally see myself  through the eyes of no one else 

oh shit but this is important and all right. like. it’s just a little thing but it’s like, buck trying to move on from letting what other people thought of him control him. i think this is something that he’s working on, and something that comes with time, because i think it’s something we see a lot throughout the show. i think it kinda contributes to the whole buck 1.0 thing, like sure a lot of why he wants to move on from ‘buck 1.0′ is about moving on and being a better man and stuff but i think it’s also this thought of being embarrassed of himself, almost? idk but look he has a lot of issues with seeing himself as good enough without the influence of others and i think this lyric links a lot to that. 

now i only want what’s real to let my heart feel what it feels 

again this fits with the whole therapy thing as well but it’s like- throughout the show he’s always been a very heart-on-his-sleeve kinda guy. like that’s just who he is. but like this- to let my heart feel what it feels - its like about him being allowed to be proud of how far he’s come and everything he’s been through with his parents and even after that. and its about him allowing himself to love unashamedly and without fear of people abandoning him, and not like letting that fear stop him from loving. and like yeah im gonna touch on buddie here bc like, it’s like after all this shit, everything that the two of them have been through, it’s like, that line is like him letting himself feel that for eddie, whatever it is. because for so long he’s not let himself get that connection after abby because she hurt him like that and he’s not let himself have this connection with eddie out of fear that it’s not going to be reciprocated or tat he’s a terrible person for falling in love with his best friend or some shit but it’s like- that line is like him allowing himself to feel that, and like that just being okay? like he’s finally getting to accept that he’s fallen in love with this increibleman and his incredible son and the life that he’s built with them, and like it’s about buck falling in love with that life and trusting that it’s not going to disappear from under his feet. and that takes buck a lot of courage because he’s only ever had people that left. and so he’s finally letting his heart feel , and letting his heart guide him, because he deserves it. 

and like even out of a buddie context, with the rest of the 118, it still applies. this shit about letting his heart feel what it feels, it’s like- letting himself believe that this life is something that he can have, that he can settle into, that he can keep. it’s like- he can love these people, and not have to see them leave. and that’s a revolutionary thing for buck, but it’s so freeing. 

and leave my greatest failures on display  with an asterisk  worthy of love anyway

holy fuck this is like, my favourite lyric ever okay but again it’s this idea that he has to work to be loved. he has to fight for attention and for appreciation and for love and like this lyric, it’s about him being able to move on from that and realise that he’s worthy of love at his rawest, without all this work and putting himself at risk. and sure im going back on my buddie bullshit for this but like- it’s eddie that makes him realise this. sure it’s the influence of the whole 118 and maddie and shit but it’s eddie most of all. eddie, who has dealt with his bullshit first hand (the whole jealousy thing in 2x01) and come through it by his side, still wanting to be his friend. eddie, who appreciates him and helps him and supports him and trusts him with his son. eddie, who forgives him, even when, yeah, sometimes he doesn’t need forgiving but then it’s eddie that tells him that (the post-tsunami stuff at the end of 3x03) and reassures him that he’s worthy. eddie, who fights by him and for him and desperately, constantly, tries to make him realise he’s so much more than what his parents deem him to be. eddie, who tells him that he doesn’t have to apologise just for existing and expecting the bare minimum of love from his parents (the boxing scene in - i think? - 4x04). eddie, who fights to get back to him. eddie, who trusts him so much with christopher that he’ll change his will for him. eddie, that loves him. right at his rawest, without all that work, with all his greatest failiures on display. because it’s eddie who’s seen most of that shit, and it’s eddie who’s stayed. who’s made him realise he’s worthy of love, anyway. 

...um

thank you for coming to my ted talk listen to three by sleeping at last and tell me that there is at least some sense in this pls im driving myself up the wall istg

[whathappenedtomyweekend]

It’s Just A Spark Ch.17 - Anchor

A loud, blaring sound tore through the silence, abruptly waking Astrid from her sleep. She sat up, the mist in her head slowly fading as the noise continued.

"What-"

She felt Hiccup move next to her and scramble off the plank bed, cursing under his breath.

"That's an emergency," he said then, throwing her an apologetic look. "I'm on call and response duty."

It took her a couple of seconds to understand, but when she did, Astrid nodded. "Okay."

Hiccup sighed and stepped closer to her, helmet already in his hand.

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "It's not your fault."

He did not look convinced. The young woman smiled at him in the dim light and kissed his cheek. "It's okay, really. Now come on, I'm waiting for your response to the call, don't waste that time with me."

"No time spent with you is wasted," he mumbled reluctantly, but got up when she laughed and pushed him away, pulling her up with him into a kiss.

He couldn't help but linger for a couple of seconds, but forced himself to let go of her.

Astrid looked up at him, her smile sobering him up.

"Don't get fried."

____________________________________________________

"Okay, guys, what do we got?"

Scott and Gobber briefly looked up as Hiccup strode into the room, slipping his gloves on. The three men exchanged a brief glance, and Gobber gave them both a short nod.

"A boat down at the docks caught fire, they don't know if anyone's still on there," Scott caught him up as they rushed towards the exit to the garage. Hiccup nodded sharply at his cousin.

"Right, let's go."

They saw the smoke minutes before they arrived at the docks.

Hiccup's heart sank at the small crowd of onlookers and stopped the engine.

"I'll take care of that and check for injuries, you get the hose ready, if anybody's inside I'll beep you," Hiccup directed Snotlout, who nodded and together they got out of the fire engine.

Hiccup scanned his eyes over the small crowd and quickly spotted Mulch, who was trying to usher people away.

"Hey, Mulch!"

The older man's head snapped up and within a few steps Hiccup was next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Do you know what happened? Is everyone alright?"

Even as he spoke, he could tell that whatever Mulch was about to tell him - it wasn't anything good. His face contorted.

"I wasn't on the boat, but I think someone's still on there - I just - I'm sorry, I tried to get everyone away, it spread to our boat after I called you."

Hiccup nodded, patting his shoulder. "It's fine, Mulch, you did good. Hey, Scott!"

Scott caught his eye and nodded when Hiccup waved towards the burning boats and then himself, signalling his intentions. Snotlout nodded, unlocking the engine and pulled the fire hose out. His shouts for people to clear the path and make way for him to get through to the hydrant were drowned out for Hiccup over the numbing buzz of the fire as he walked closer to it.

He lowered his visor and stepped inside.

The fire was biting at the wood, licking at his own feet as he tried to find a path through the flames and the smoke, desperately trying to make out any movement or figure through it all.

"Hello?" he called out, crouching below the already low deck above him.

"Is anybody here?"

A deep, rasp sound made him stop. It was faint, but distinctly different from the buzzing and crackling of the fire.

"Hello?" he shouted again, louder this time, listening carefully.

There it was again. Hiccup moved towards it, or at least to where he thought it was, and there was no room for any doubt through the rush of adrenaline and the blur around him, so he crawled closer to where the sound was coming from, and a second later he saw a figure slumped on the ground, unmoving.

His stomach dropped but his legs carried him towards the body, and then everything was happening almost automatically.

His mind was racing by the time he was out of the boat again, completely unaware of the state of the person he was carrying.

He stopped near the fire engine, dropping to the ground.

"Snot - oxygen, I need a bronchodilator ready!" he ground out, laying the person - who he now recognised to be a young man, not much older than him, younger even, a boy almost - down on the ground, quickly checking for pulse and breathing before he got him into lateral recumbent position.

Within a few moments Scott was at his side and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You good?"

Hiccup nodded grimly, his eyes fixed on the unconscious young man as he reached into his inner pocket.

"I'm waiting for the phlegm. He needs to cough it out. You called the meds yet?"

"Yeah, they're on their way, should be two minutes away now."

"Good," Hiccup ground out, tearing the lid of his asthma spray away with his teeth.

Breathe out. Press. Inhale. Hold breath. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Exhale.

He closed his eyes, his body relaxing as he felt the weight on his chest lighten and finally disappear and drew a couple of deep breaths.

The young man on the ground rasped out a deep, heavy cough, gasping for air.

Hiccup nodded, placing a firm hand on his back to keep him from rolling on his back.

"It's okay," he murmured. "You're okay. I got you."

____________________________________________________

Hiccup allowed himself a moment of rest as they watched the ambulance drive away.

"He'll be fine," he told Snotlout, but maybe said this more to reassure himself. His cousin only nodded and gave him a short pat on the back.

"You good?"

Hiccup nodded in affirmation. "Yeah. Let's get back. Can't wait to get the report on that one done."

Scott shot him a grin and shook his head as he got behind the stirring wheel. "I'm not saying I don't admire your drive to write a mandatory formality for the sake of bureaucracy at 4 am in the morning, but I sure as hell don't understand it."

Hiccup laughed and leaned back, watching the water shimmer under the moonlight as the waves hit the shoreline.

He thought of how fragile the boat's floor had felt beneath his feet. It was then he really realised, maybe got a full grasp on it - that really, his profession was dangerous. And not only that, it would have an effect on the people in his life if something happened to him. He thought of Astrid and how he couldn't predict anything. He could spend any moment with her and it could be their last one.

His gaze fell into his lap and he realised he'd pulled out his phone. He clicked on her contact, smiling at her profile picture for a second before he typed, 'good morning! Just wanted to let you know we made it out okay, i hope you made it home okay and slept well!'

Hiccup locked his phone and put it back into his pocket, exhaling slowly.

Thinking about it like this made everything seem incredibly, terribly fragile.

But maybe, just maybe, it also felt like now he had an anchor. Someone to check in with after a mission, outside of work. He closed his eyes, letting the sudden wave of peacefulness wash over him.

He found himself almost drifting off then, just now fully realising the exhaustion settling in his bones, so he allowed himself to close his eyes for a bit until they were back at the department.

Back at the headquarters Hiccup beelined to the bathroom, indulged in a ten-minute shower, watching the grime wash down the drain, and - for good measure - washed his face with hard soap.

"You want a tea, son?" Gobber asked him as he found him sitting on the sofa in the common room, vigorously rubbing his hair dry.

The young man looked up and smiled. "Yeah, thanks."

"So," Gobber intoned conversationally, shifting from one foot to the other. "Astrid left a little while after you got called out."

Hiccup hesitated. "I thought she'd gone straight home. She stayed with you?"

His mentor shrugged. "She came down here and we sat for a bit, had a cup of tea together and talked for a while. She's a nice young woman."

He kept eyeing him from the side. Hiccup knew there was something Gobber wasn't telling him and furrowed his brow in almost-annoyance.

"What?"

Gobber paused, then sighed and sat down next to him. "Listen, boy," he started, hesitating for a second. "I don't need to tell you our job is hard - and dangerous."

Hiccup snorted, taking a sip of his tea. "You can say that again."

"What I'm trying to say is," Gobber continued, still looking at him from the side, somewhat concerned almost. "Our line of work isn't exactly hazard-free. You know that. But I don't know if Astrid quite knows that." He held up his hand as a sign he was not finished yet when Hiccup opened his mouth to protest.

"Just make sure you have that conversation with her. There are stakes for you, being on the job, but there's also going to be something at stake for her if she's going to be in a relationship with you. You need to be aware of that, both of you."

Hiccup stayed silent for a few moments, staring into his mug.

Then he finally admitted, "You're right. I thought about that on our way back here, after the mission. There's no - I never know what could happen." He looked up at Gobber, and the older man was taken aback by his expression. Hiccup looked terrified.

"What if she isn't willing to take that risk? Realise that being with me is a risk?"

Gobber hesitated, but then put a hand on his shoulder, offering him a small smile. "With the way she looked when she was talking about you? Not a chance."

Finally, Hiccup smiled and took another sip of his tea. "Yeah," he murmured. "I hope you're right."

[drariellevalentine]

A prompt where mc is unconscious in Ethan's arms.

Oof. This one really broke my heart.

This Is Me Trying

Pairing:- Ethan Ramsey x Arielle Valentine

Warnings:- angst. Major heart wrenching angst.

Takes place during the events of OHSY’s Chapter 5.

Song inspiration:- Folklore by Taylor Swift (I was listening to it on repeat the whole time)

Arielle’s PoV:-

Just when you’re about to take a break, you get paged by Eth- Dr. Ramsey. With a sigh, you turn around and walk towards the diagnostics office.

You step inside the diagnostics office as the glass doors open with a hiss to see Dr. Ramsey pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Yes?”

He looks up, anger and irritation clear in his face. “I thought you had at least a bit of maturity but I can see that I was wrong.” You stifle the urge to roll your eyes.

“What did I do?”, you ask trying to keep your voice as level as possible noticing that June and Baz are in the room.

As soon as he hears your words, he gets up and slams a stack of papers in front of you. You pick them up to see the name “Gwyneth Monroe” on the top. You wince slightly.

“I thought I had specifically told you that the diagnostics team does not seek patients and that they come to us! I come in and receive the news that Gwyneth Monroe had been approached by a ‘Dr. Valentine’. The same person I said no to as for reaching out.”

“Well excuse me for trying to keep this team afloat! I was only doing what’s best for the team! And besides, by doing this we’ll still be able to treat patients who can’t afford treatment!”

“That’s what you think! The board is thrilled about this and Naveen has told me that the board wants us to ‘move our focus towards high-profile patients’.” His eyes are filled with fury.

“Well I’m sorry but you can’t expect me to just stand there doing absolutely nothing while this team sinks to the bottom.”, you shrug.

“Guys, you should calm down for a moment. The patient’s probably waiting for us and we don’t want to keep them waiting.”, Baz says tentatively.

“Oh yes, from now on just like Dr. Valentine wanted we need to provide all our special patients with VIP treatment!” Your anger flares as he pokes accusations at you.

“I never said that! I’m sorry but the only way that we can still keep running this team just like Naveen wanted is by changing and adjusting a little!”

“And what do you know about Naveen’s vision? Just because you are his goddaughter doesn’t give you more authority then the rest of us, nor does it to make decisions without my approval.” Your mouth drops open as you gape at him. Baz’s eyes widen as June speaks up. “Ethan, that’s extremely low.” Ethan scoffs.

“Seriously?! I thought you knew how hard I worked for this position! Turns out you think that I got into this fellowship because of Naveen and not because of my own damn effort.”

“Stop twisting my words, Arielle.”, he says giving you a death stare.

“I never twisted your damn words.”, you clap back.

“Well, maybe you’re still not ready for a position like this. Seeming that you can’t follow a simple set of instructions.”

“How many times do I have to say it?! I was doing what we needed to do in order to keep our team afloat!!”

“And I told you not to do something which is exactly what you’ve done! I thought you had learned your lesson from last year, but clearly I’ve misjudged you.”

“Don’t you dare bring last year’s events into this! That has nothing to do with this!”, you shout.

“It has the utmost important and impact. Clearly representing your lack of being able to follow a set of instructions!”

“I can’t believe you!”

“We’ll get used to it then. If you pull one more stunt like this, I won’t hesitate to terminate your fellowship.” That sentence triggers something inside of you, a last straw.

“Well in that case, consider my whole damn job ’terminated’!” You slam your ID badge on his desk and rush out of that office as fast as your heels can take you, ignoring Baz and June’s shouts.

Ethan’s PoV:-

You slump back into your chair, and pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Ethan, I know you’re our boss and all that but what in the world did you do that for?! That poor girl just quit her job!” You turn to Baz.

“And she won’t be the only one if this conversation continues.”, you say. They both exit the room.

“Lord, one day she’ll be the death of me!” You decide to go to the ER to help with any patients. After attending to a few casualties, you go back to your office when you see Harper standing at the entrance, arms crossed. You raise your eyebrows.

“Was that Dr. Valentine I saw rushing out of here?”

“Yes.”

“What the hell were you thinking, Ethan?! You can’t just shout at her like that.”

“Well, I can if I need to.”

“Well maybe when she deserves it. You damn very well know that what she did didn’t make you angry. You’re angry that what she says is right, and worried that Naveen’s vision will be compromised.”

You sigh. “...maybe I was a bit too hard on her.”

“A bit?”, she looks at you incredulously.

“Fine! I was hard on her, so what?! It’s not like she’s actually going to resign her job, it was a hot-headed decision.”

“Oh really? Then what’s this?” She waves a minute stack of papers. You take it from her and read it. It’s a resignation letter, signed. Your eyes widen in disbelief.

“She came to me, with a resignation letter and said that she wanted me to sign these papers. She’s very clear-headed and informed me that it isn’t a rash decision, but one that she’s been mulling over for sometime. She’s gotten an offer to transfer her residency back to New York, offering her a part in researching preeclampsia treatments.”

“She wouldn’t…”, your mind says.

“Naveen’s signed them too.”

“What?!” You scan the papers and notice your mentor’s signature at the bottom. “Damn it… I should go talk to her.”

“You should, And do it now. She’s leaving in a few hours to New York. The young doctor’s got quite a few connections.”

“Just tell me where she is!”

She shrugs. “She’s handing over all her patients to other residents so she could be anywhere. Dr. Hirata, Dr. Delarosa and both Dr. Mirani’s have tried talking her out of it but she wouldn’t budge. So did her friends and Dr. Lahela. Naveen tried his best but couldn’t either.”

“Well why didn’t you?!”, you ask.

“You really thought I didn’t? She’s quite the woman, didn’t waver a second. And you know how intimidating I can be.”

“Well, of course she is.”, your mind reminds you as you rush out of the office.

Arielle’s PoV:-

You’re walking through the halls of Edenbrook, handing out your charts to everyone just like you did when you were suspended. Except this time, it’ll be the last. You try to ignore your friends’ voices as you hand out the last of your charts. You quickly change into a white cropped top and a pair of jeans and gather all your things from the locker, slowly loading everything into your locker. You would have asked your friends, but you don’t have the heart to face them.

You quickly check everything off, ignoring the multiple pages you receive from your friends and him. You turn off your pager and take off your white coat, Edenbrook’s logo etched on it and hand it over to Zaid.

“I thought I’d never say this but, I’m going to miss you Valentine.”

“You know what Zaid? Me too, after all who else is going to annoy me in the mornings!”

“God, I’m going to miss you so much!”, Ines wraps you up in a hug. “Have you told your friends anything?”

You shake your head. “I can’t right now. I might fly back and visit in a week or two Probably with lots of presents cause they’ll all hate me.”

She gives you a knowing look. “You know that he didn’t really mean it.”

“I know. But I can’t go on like this.” She nods. You wave one last time before you head out back to your car. You put on your sunglasses as you unlock your car. You’re about to start the engine when you realise your backpack’s still in the office.

“Crap!” You know you’ll have to get it yourself. You head back in, and take the back way to the elevator. Luckily, it’s empty. You get in and press the button for the 9th floor. The elevator slowly descends up, 3rd…...4th…...5th..”-

The elevator dings, it’s doors opening to reveal…

“Dr. Valentine.” You can see the relief in his eyes, his chest lightly heaving.

“He’s been looking for you.” The realisation dawns on you as he enters the elevator.

Suddenly, the elevator jerks slightly. You lightly stumble as there’s no bar to hold for support. You spot the bar near him and decide to stay as far as possible.

Suddenly he presses the emergency button, the elevator stops in its tracks.

“What did you do that for?!” He ignores you. You ask again.

“One argument. One argument and you quit.”

“It wasn’t one argument! You literally blamed everything on me when I was trying to help!”

“So you sign these?!” He waves your resignation papers in front of you.

“You can’t expect me to keep doing this!”

“Doing what?! I never asked you to do anything!” You take a deep breath.

“I can’t do this anymore. Seeing you every day, us acting like nothing more than colleagues, maybe friends. Acting like absolutely nothing happened between us, it hurts, Ethan. It hurts every day, every hour every minute of my damn life!.”, you blurt out. His eyes soften as he hears your words.

“Arielle, I know and I’ve told”-

“Screw my job, screw your damn ethics and morals, screw everything damn it! I’m head over heels in love with you, Ethan Jonah Ramsey, and you can’t expect me to keep quiet!” His eyes widen as he realise the extent of your words. Tears start to roll down your cheeks.

“Do you know how hard it was for me, when you left? I found out from one of the nurses, for God’s sake!”

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell you”-

“And when you came back, after two whole months you address us as something that was in the past, something that already was finished. Was it all that meant to you?”

“I- you know that’s not true”-

“I just can’t do it anymore, Ethan. I don’t know what you’ve heard but I’m leaving Boston in a few hours. I only came back for my bag, nothing else.”

“Wait, we can”-

“I can’t, Ethan, I can’t. I feel like I’m a rope in a game of tug-of-war. You acting hot then cold.You being there right beside me, but not being able to kiss you...I can’t stand it.” You can see his eyes slowly tearing up.

Not being able to look at him, you turn around and press the emergency button, the elevator descends up again. He slams the button again, the elevator stops in its tracks. “Well you can’t expect me to let you leave just like that!”

“I don’t. Which is why I’ve told everyone I’m going to New York.”, you respond as you punch the button again, the lift slowly going up.

“I don’t care where you go, Arielle Cerise Valentine. I will find you, even if it means travelling to the ends of the damn earth.”, he responds as he presses the button again, the lift halts to a stop. His sentence tugs right at your heartstrings, breaking your heart even more.

“Ethan, please don’t. I’m begging you, it hurts. Let me go, you have to let me go.”

“I can’t. How could I?”

“...then I’ll do it for you.” You press the button for the last time, the elevator finally arriving at the ninth floor. You slowly take a step towards the office.

Ethan pulls you back to his arms, his lips meeting yours in a heady kiss. You don’t have the strength to pull away, but you know you have to. You break the kiss as the elevator door starts to open.

“I’m sorry…”

Ethan’s PoV:-

You don’t know what to do, your heart beating irrationally. “Arielle, wait!” She doesn’t look back. In a last attempt, you press the button to close the doors. They close as you sigh in relief. She looks at you, this time really looks at you. Her beautiful violet irises meeting yours. You press the emergency button one last time, never taking your eyes off of her.

“You can’t leave me, I know I’m being selfish but please don’t.” She takes one last look at you, then turns away.

In crushing defeat, you take your hand off the button, the doors start to open as she slowly walks to them. You try to memorise every inch of her, who knows when he’ll see her again. She’s about to step out when suddenly the elevator jerks quite violently.

She’s thrown back into the right wall as your shoulder forcefully collides with another wall. You’re about to help her when a second later, the elevator drops. You hold on to the metal bar for dear life as the elevator rapidly descends down several feet.

Remembering you’re not alone in the midst of the chaos as you hear screams, you see Arielle’s petite body hit the top of the elevator and drop down with a terrifying thud. You watch in horror, cursing as you’re not able to do anything.

“No!!!”

The elevator finally stops after what seems like an eternity. We rush towards Arielle, trying not to focus on the bright blood stains on her white top and hair.

“Arielle? Arielle?! Can you hear me?! Please, wake up damn it!”

Her eyelashes lightly flutter. You quickly take her in your arms.

“Mmm… i-it hu-hurts E-Ethan.” Your eyes well up once again as she struggles to speak, pain completely unbearable, for you mentally and for her physically.

“Shhhh….I know. Can you tell me where it hurts?” She tries to speak but winces in pain.

“Okay, I’m going to examine you slowly and I want you to blink once if it hurts.” She nods very slowly. Suddenly, you hear a tune. You realise it’s your phone.

“Just one second, Rookie. It’s probably Naveen or Harper.” You slowly prop her up against the wall and answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Oh thank god, Ethan! We were so worried. How many people are inside? Is anyone hurt?”, Harper asks.

“No, it was just me and Ari”- You’re interrupted by a soft thud. You whip around to see Arielle lying unconscious on the floor. You drop to your knees.

“Rookie!”

“Ethan?! What happened?!” You can hear Harper yelling but you ignore it, all your attention on her.

“Rookie! Arielle, wake up!!”

This time her eyes stayed shut.

************************************************

Author’s Note:- Okay, first of all I commend you if there isn’t even a single tear rolling across your face. I know I cried while writing this which is why if you see any mistakes, ignore them cause this wasn’t even edited once. But on a bit of a more of a happier note, I’m writing/brainstorming a part 2 to this so...

Permanent taglist: @nikki-2406 | @iemcpbchoices | @xxxxxxxx04 | @sizzlingcashherohumanoid | @archveexz | @deepikakkannan | @nishas-paradise | @maurine07 | @archxxronrookie | @adrex04 | @everythingchoices | @rivenni | @annekebbphotography | @mrsethanfreakingramsey | @jamespotterthefirst | @natureblooms24 | @katkart122 | @udishaman | @hopelessromantics4life | @custaroonie | @mvalentine | @queencarb | @lisha1valecha | @ezekielbhandarivalleros | @ejrownsme @the-pale-goddess | @justanotherrookie | @miss-smrxtiee | @missmiimiie | @choicesfics | @romewritingshop | @taniasethi | @keithandlevi-ontheroof | @choicesfan10 | @open-heart-ramseyyy | @crookedkittyperson | @sistatribe | @groovypalacehorselover

Ethan x MC taglist:- @tsrookie | @starrystarrytrouble | @mysticaurathings | @caseyvalentineramsey | @alina-yol-ramsey | @openheartthot | @gryffindordaughterofathena | @binny1985 @ramseysno1rookie

Let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

[hartmonfest]

[ID: Banner background has watercolors rainbow flag painted vertically. Text in the center reads “Hartmonfest 2021 Masterlist”. Either side of the text is a circular picture for each character looking casual and happy with a bright contrasting background. Hartley Rathaway is on the left and Cisco Ramon on the right. /END ID]

Apologies for getting the masterlist up much later than originally promised. Thanks to all who made fanworks for this event - it was great to have a couple of weeks with much more Hartmon content than usual. If you haven’t already, please do show the creators some love if you’re able to.

Full list behind the read more (17 fanfics and 1 set of fic recs).

FANFIC: “Sick For the Holiday” by @kitkatt0430 - tumblr | AO3

Cisco wakes up with a cold on Thanksgiving morning.  Thankfully he’s got a doting boyfriend to take care of him.

FANFIC: “Paradise Parade” by @blueelvewithwings - tumblr | AO3

Hartley and Cisco go to the Pride Parade, where Cisco watches all the floats and Hartley mostly watches Cisco. With heart eyes, of course.

FANFIC: “Unpacking the Accelerator (The Broken Pedestal)“ by @kitkatt0430 - tumblr | AO3

The information on the Flash's personal frequency was only ever a distraction so that no one would realize that Hartley had actually installed a virus in the system in order to steal terabytes worth of data on the accelerator.  Which is promptly dumped online. Of course, data is useless without context, but that's where Hartley's new blog comes into play.

FANFIC: “Where Have All the Blue Skies Gone?“ by @kitkatt0430 - tumblr | AO3

The Crisis is over and Barry is dead.  And now everyone who loved him has to figure out how to pick up the pieces. Cisco's not sure how to do that yet. He just knows he doesn't want his jagged edges hurting Hartley.

FANFIC: “Shoulder of Support“ by @blueelvewithwings  - tumblr | AO3

Cisco wakes up in the middle of the night and finds Hartley sleeping on his tiny couch. This is not acceptable, and clearly needs to be rectified.

FANFIC: “Five Times Hartley Needed Support (And One Time He Got It)“ by @kitkatt0430 - tumblr | AO3

It's always been difficult for Hartley to find support from his loved ones. (But somehow Cisco makes it easy...)

FANFIC: “Undercover“ by @kitkatt0430 - tumblr | AO3

Hartley's gotten into more than his fair share of trouble of the last few years, but his latest misadventure has put him on the FBI's radar and the only way to get out of trouble is to go undercover at STAR Labs to investigate whatever it is wrong with the accelerator that's getting former employees killed to shut them up. This'd probably be easier if one of Hartley's new coworkers wasn't the single most distractingly sexy person Hartley's ever met.

FANFIC: “Undercover Under Covers“ by @blueelvewithwings​ - tumblr | AO3

Cisco is at Saints and Sinners, trying to spy on the Rogues. Unfortunately, a too-handsy mobster tries to make his advances... until Hartley rescues him. And then, really, it all just kind of goes downhill from there. Or uphill?       AKA Hartley sucks on a lollipop and Cisco has a Big Oral Fixation.

FANFIC: “To Know Oneself“ by @kitkatt0430​ - tumblr | AO3

Hartley's absolutely certain that if Cisco could remember their shared past then he wouldn't be flirting so outrageously.  Cisco's equally certain that even when he gets his memories back he'll want to shove Hartley against the nearest hard surface and kiss Hartley until his brain reboots.

FANFIC: “Inflictions of Identity“ by @blueelvewithwings​ - tumblr | AO3

Hartley hates Pride Month, he wants nothing to do with it. Most of that boils down to how he really really wishes he wasn't gay. Over a course of a rainbow-filled June, and with Cisco's help, he slowly learns to see that maybe, just maybe, being who he is is something to be proud of, after all.  Cisco's confectionary treats along the way certainly help a lot, as well.

RECS: 7 fic recs by @kitkatt0430​ - tumblr

FANFIC: “Signs of Change“ by @kitkatt0430​ - tumblr | AO3

Cisco keeps dreaming about this hallway full of blue-gray doors.   Except for one.  There's this one door that's red.  And maybe it's a vision or maybe it's just a dream indicating an impending change. Life keeps changing so fast and, as the only person left at STAR Labs, Cisco's maybe a little afraid he's been left behind while everyone else moves on.  Of course... life has a way of sweeping everyone up eventually.

FANFIC: “Tender Trust“ by @blueelvewithwings​ - tumblr | AO3

Cisco wants to give Hartley a massage to help him relax after a long day. Hartley is pretty sure Cisco just wants to get him nice and pliable so he can hurt or fuck him better. Of course, Cisco does no such thing.

FANFIC: “Trust Fall“ by @kitkatt0430 - tumblr | AO3

Hartley's really not sure trusting Cisco is a great idea.  Just because the guy has had an attack of conscience over the unethical prison in STAR Labs basement doesn't mean he's going to be a reliable partner in Hartley's quest for vengeance against Harrison Wells. But if Hartley wants to make progress in shutting down the Pipeline Prison, then he doesn't really have a choice. Meanwhile Cisco's trust in Dr. Wells has been shattered by the discovery that his mentor not only deliberately ignored the flaws in the accelerator, but has been secretly studying meta humans.  Many of whom - like Cisco himself - haven't even manifested powers yet.  But Cisco doesn't want to believe his trust in Caitlin and Barry has been misplaced, even as he commits to throwing in his lot with Hartley.

FANFIC: “Modern Marriage“ by @blueelvewithwings​ - tumblr | AO3

Hartley is less than thrilled to meet the next person his parents throw at him to marry, but for the sake of not getting carted off to conversion therapy, he's willing to take that step... When he meets Cisco, he realises that things are not as dire as they might seem, if they play their cards right.

FANFIC: “Merriest of Memories“ by @blueelvewithwings​ - tumblr | AO3

A little glimpse of memories held dear and captured in photographs - a birthday, sibling love, the happiest day, newfound family.

FANFIC: “Begin Again with New Beginnings“ by @blueelvewithwings​ - tumblr | AO3

The last person Cisco expected to run into at the Coast City Jitters is Hartley Rathaway. No. The last person Cisco expected to run into at the Coast City Jitters is a smiling Hartley Rathaway.

FANFIC: “Rip Van Winkle“ by @kitkatt0430​ - tumblr | AO3

The last thing Hartley remembers is heading for the pipeline with Ronnie and Cisco.  And then he's waking up in the Cortex, Flyleaf playing in the background.  It's six months later and the whole world has turned itself upside down.

If anyone made anything we didn’t spot and reblog/include here, do let us know as things turning up in the tags can be very hit and miss.

We hope you enjoyed the fest, and if anyone wants to make anything for the prompts after the fest we’d still be happy to reblog any additional fanworks. :)

[fanmoose12]

hunger games au

ohhhh, thank you for this ask anon, this is good

it's the last year he can be chosen to participate in hungers games, and it's the last year for his best friends, farlan and isabel, so levi feels a weird mix of anxiety and relief. they planned to celebrate this occasion afterwards, and he already anticipates the evening, full of peace and laughter, with his friends by his side

the first tribute they chose is hange zoe, a child of a wealthy trader and levi feels a twinge of sympathy when he hears how hange's mother starts to cry. he met hange before, albeit briefly, and levi genuinely feels bad for her. hange is a kind soul, she didn't deserve it. but then again, none of them deserved it. at least, isabel wasn't chosen, and levi tries to find comfort in that

until he can't because the next name is farlan's. farlan takes a sharp breath, and levi shouts 'i volunteer' before he can even process what he's doing

farlan pulls him close, begs him to shut up and let him go, but levi has already made his mind. farlan is a decent fighter, but he's not nearly as good as levi. he has no choice at the arena

before the guards take him away, levi pulls isabel and farlan in a quick hug and promises he would return alive. he'd win the hunger games and they'd become rich, just like they've always wanted

once they're in capitol, levi is disgusted at all the people who live there. their district is slowly dying while hundreds are lost to poverty and diseases. the money these pigs spend on their hair alone could pay for month worth of food

what irritates him even more is the endless chatter of his fellow tribute, hange zoe. he can't understand why she's so eager to become friends, if they're going to become enemies so very soon

their mentor is erwin smith and levi doesn't know what to make of him. the man is charismatic and sharp. his smile is kind and it hides a more ruthless side of him. the side that made him won the game in the past

during evaluation, levi gets the highest score. hange happily congratulates him and even gives him a quick hug. to his surprise, hange's score isn't much lower than his own. she's quick-witted just like erwin and levi hopes he won't be pitted against her during the games. he's not sure he would be able to win

during the interview hange confesses her love to levi. levi doesn't believe it's sincere, he sees a smile on erwin's face and realizes it's a ploy the two had come up with to gain them more sponsors. and even though all this attention on his love life makes him feel awkward, levi is somewhat grateful to hange. her lie bought more sponsors for him as well

the games begin and almost half of the tributes get killed in the very beginning. feeling sick to see so many dead bodies, levi grabs a knife and flees

a few days passes with a few more tributes dying. levi gets spotted by another tribute and tries to escape, he gets into the explosion and nearly dies

when he gains his consciousness, he sees hange above him. he thinks she's going to kill him and panicks, trying to attack her

he's still weak after explosion, so hange easily subdues him. as she presses him to the ground, levi realizes hange does so gently, not wanting to aggravate his wounds

he reluctantly calms down and hange tells him about new rule - the couple from the same district can win together

hange slowly nurses him back to health and they spend a few days, hunting and collecting food

hange is always gentle when she touches him and it seems like she genuinely cares about him. levi doesn't know how to feel about it, but he also starts to warm up to hange, helping her to treat the eye she lost during one of the fights

they get noticed by several tributes. levi knows that they can't fight them, he's still too weak. he tells hange to leave him alone, because he is nothing but a burden. hange gives him a long look, but levi can't understand what it means. she whispers for him to keep quiet and swings off a tree they've been hiding at

with terrified eyes, levi watches how hange gets in a fight with three tributes at the same time. he tries to get up, but his legs give up under him. he can't do nothing but watch and pray hange survives

she successfully neutralises one of the tributes and she's almost done with second, when a third one aims his bow at her. before he can shoot, levi takes out his knife and throws it, hitting the guy in the leg. he collapses on the ground and hange has the time to finish him too

she gets back to levi and he scolds her for her reckless behavior, threatening to never do something that again

the gamemakers announce that they're going to send a delivery with the things surviving tributes need the most. levi needs medicine and hange decides to go and get it, despite the danger

levi refuses to let her go alone. he can't fight like he used to do, but he can still provide backup and he doesn't want hange to risk her life for his sake again

they arrive to the place of delivery, and, of course, it turns into a bloodbath

fighting together, hange and levi manage to survive. they're the last tributes and levi smiles, realising that they've won

and then the gamemakers revoke the newly appointed rule

hange says levi needs to kill her, because he has a family he needs to come back to

levi can't let her sacrifice her own life for him. he remembers berries hange showed him. she said they were extremely poisonous and levi took a few of them, just in case

he offers them to hange, saying that they go home together or not at all. hange smiles and takes a berry from levi's hand

before they could eat them, the gamemakers declare them as victors

levi wants to hug hange but she's taken away before he can even touch her

as he travels back home, hange sitting next to him with a dark, somber face, a far cry from that chatty person she was at the beginning, levi realizes that hunger games was just the beginning of their miseries

[crystalas]

It’s only a matter of time part 3

wherein MK and Redson are still trapped training under Macaque and are given a chance to send a message home

Chapter 3: Training daze

Supper time came around after what felt like an eternity of silence between the two, Red Son would not move from his corner despite MK’s many attempts to get him to at least turn around and talk to him. The only way he knew Red Son was even alive was the fact that his tail would swish the floor occasionally. The shadow clone brought in the food bowls and place them on the floor taking away the empty ones. Only then did Red Son move and without looking at MK or even acknowledge him even being there and went to grab his bowl and dragged it back into his corner with his back to MK and began to eat quietly.

MK looked down at his food bowl and began to nibble at his meal, the silence felt horrible he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. What the hell do you say to someone being forced to eat well…people? Where was Macaque even finding all these bodies? Was he raiding a morgue? Killing people in the street? Did he have a farm or knew someone with a human farm? Red Son had said that demons eat people quite regularly and he was considered the ‘weird one’ for not wanting to.

All these thoughts rattled in MK’s head he desperately wanted to talk to Red Son to fill the silence, to get these horrid thoughts out into the air so they wouldn’t be piling up in his head and snow balling into worse ones.

What does human even taste like? Do they range in flavour? Are they like bananas where the flavour and texture changes as they get older?

NO! the thought train has to stop there before he feels compelled to try a bit for his curiosity especially when he had nothing to distract himself from it.

MK realised he had eaten through his entire bowl except for his bugs. He glanced back at Red Son and noticed that his hair was slowly returning back to its former colour instead of dark ash grey it was now dark red at the roots, but his demonic appearance was yet unchanged.

“Your hair is changing back” MK said softly, Red Son’s ears flicked a bit.

“Soooo… this is what you really look like?” he continued as he tried to get anything out of the demon prince, this merely received a tail twitch.

“Looks cool I mean I always thought it was weird that you didn’t look anything like your dad, but I guess it makes sense now.”

Another flicking of the ears and a swish from the tail.

“But why hide it? I mean if you were trying to blend into human society you wouldn’t throw your fire around like you do so…”

“Noodle boy?”

“Yes?” MK chirped elated he finally got something out of his cell mate.

“Please shut up, as it has obviously escaped your notice, I find these topics of discussion… annoying.” Red Son hissed, “I understand that we need to work together and keep each other alive and while I appreciate your attempts of…” he stopped for a minute as if he struggled to find the right words but gave up trying. “I would prefer if we…we…didn’t talk about it.”

MK looked down at his bowl and saw the revolting grubs that laid there, he gave a determined sigh and got up to plop himself down next to Red Son who just glared at him. MK looked him in the eyes grabbed the bugs and shoved them in his mouth, gagging slightly as the grubs crunched and popped in his mouth before swallowing them. It took him a whole two minutes not to gag but he kept them down none the less.

“What is your point exactly Noodle boy?” Red Son growled.

“We are stuck in this hell hole together, if you have to eat revolting stuff then so do I…”

“There’s a huge difference between you eating insects and me eating your kind!”

MK opened his mouth to say something but nothing came to mind to counter that point, his attempt of supporting Red Son seemly going down in metaphoric flames…

“However, if our sadistic master has plans of strengthen our bodies, we need all the food and protein we can get. When we get out, I will make that shadow bastard eat a fistful of dirt for every lump of this filth he has forced me to consume!” Red Son declared boldly and turned around to sit next to MK his food bowl already empty.

“Totally and when we get out, I will get Pigsy to make you the biggest bowl of noodles ever!” MK exclaimed “Actually make that two cos I want one as well! Cos man, do I miss carbs!”

That actually got a chuckle out of the two.

“I will hold you to that noodle boy!” Red Son said leaning back against the wall, “So who do think will get here first?”

“Huh?”

“No doubt my father has noticed my absence and is looking for me, I bet your friends and mentor are looking as well. So, who do you think will find us first?”

“Monkey King hands down, the dude has a decent track record of rescuing people from demons.” MK said confidently.

“Ah yes but can your Sun Wukong punch his way through rock and steel like it was nothing? My father will be the one to break down those cell walls and smash that monkey into paste! I’ll wager an entire tray of melon bread on it.”

“Cakes? Really? we’re betting our freedom on cakes?”

“I’m not talking about any melon bread; I’m talking about the deluxe cream melon bread from that uptown bakery that stuff is divine!” Red Son explained with a sigh, “Also food is all I can think about right now so yes…” he admitted with a grumble.

MK leaned up against Red Son who stiffen up for a brief minute before relaxing, they both knew that they were trying to put on a brave face on a horrid situation but for now at least they had each other to distract them from the nightmare.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The days seem to blend into a long stream of body punishing strength building excerise, combat training and magic techniques. Red Son’s strength and familiar appearance slowly returning with his new reluctant diet.

MK begrudgingly learned how to use his powers better, wherein Monkey King just gave him the idea and let him figure out the rest, Macaque actually gave him instructions and critique on what to do to make use his powers more efficiently.

“The reason why your clones went wild was because you saw them as yourself! You gave them too much autonomy” Macaque said as they went through his clone making skills. “Those clones are an extension of you nothing more and nothing less. When creating them make sure to only give them a simple command.”

“Red Son focus on the intensity of your fire!” Macaque would bark as Red Son would set fire to several wooden dolls to practise on his aim and control. “I don’t want those targets singed I want them torched!”

Combat training consists of the two sparring against shadow clones, Macaque stopping them occasionally to correct them on their stature and technique before making them continue.

“Put more power into that attack kid, remember your first strike should be your last!”

“Red! Stay light on your feet and watch those flames, you’re supposed to be a fire prodigy act like it! Don’t hold back!”

“MK is the shield and Red is the spear!” was one of the things that Macaque would repeat during training. Neither boy had any clue as to what that meant and now knew better than to try and question their master unless specifically asked to.

MK and Red Son quickly conformed to Macaque’s rule despite them wanting nothing more than to smack or burn their gruelling task monkey, however with the bands in place they knew it was wiser to just try and do as they were commanded.

Escape was also impossible for the first few days MK had scanned the entire dojo with his golden eyes of truth and came to the conclusion that Macaque wasn’t lying about him being the only way in and out of this dojo. They found that getting out of their cell which was insultingly easy, it was as if Macaque was mocking them with the fact that they were still stuck without his assistance. Even so the threat of the bands kept them inside the cell at night and MK hated how quickly they had become like trained dogs.

Some afternoons Macaque would lead them into the shrine room where he would teach them medicine and body anatomy. Which to MK seemed a suddenly off track from what they had been doing but when allowed to ask [and these lessons were the rare occasion where they were allowed to ask questions without consequences, within reason of course] Macaque just gave a small smile.

“You may be the Monkey King’s successor but you are still human, same with Red there will be times you will get injured in battle. Wouldn’t it be good to know how to heal yourself?” he had answered as he pulled out the next scroll. To which once again MK and Red Son had to agree, numerous times they were go to their cell with blisters, burns, aches and pains and all sort of small injuries from their brutal training regime which is probably what inspired Macaque to do this in the first place.

“Or perhaps you wish for us to learn the finer details of the living body so that we can damage it better?” Red Son asked while jotting down the details that Macaque had shown them on chi pressure points and their properties. Macaque gave a soft laugh at that.

“Meh I guess it’s a little of both”

“Care to explain why you are doing all of this?” Red Son inquired “You’ve never actually told us…”

“I did tell you Red, I’ve been commissioned to train you guys. You don’t need to know any more than that.” Macaque exclaimed; Red Son gave a growl of frustration but kept it low in his throat.

“What Red Son is trying to say is, perhaps if we knew what we were training to fight we might be able to prepare ourselves better?” MK tried hoping to get some answers, Macaque’s medical lessons ranged from first aid to skeletal structure of several different creatures, to herbal properties and poisons. If they were being trained to attack someone or something in particular these lessons weren’t giving them any context clues.

Then again nothing Macaque did in their lessons gave them any clue as to what they were training for, it was like Macaque delighted in keeping the two in the dark about everything. They had lost all sense of time in the shadowy dojo; time had no meaning when there was no sun or moon to mark the days or months. They had tried scratching out marks on the wall to count days but were warned not to. When they tried to keep track in their minds, they kept losing count because when you are worked to your last aching breath on a daily basis it made remembering what day it is a challenge.

Time must be passing because they were getting stronger, Red Son and MK would have rather chewed rocks than admit it to Macaque but they had noticed that they were getting faster and enduring the morning excerise regime better. Their movements in combat were more precise and fluid, less energy wasted in their attack and this got them praised by their master. Red Son fire powers were more in control, he could now control what he did or did not burn with his flames and MK could now create clones that didn’t go rouge and his skill with the magic staff was better.

One of the things that kept them sane was their nightly talks, where they would just lie in the cell too drain to do anything but chat and try to keep the despair at bay. They would talk about anything that came to mind no matter how small and stupid because when they grew too tired to talk it would mean they were be left alone with their thoughts and sometimes that scared them more than the idea of what would be coming tomorrow and why no one had saved them yet.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I want to go home” MK said one day during their mid-day break, Red Son flinched and looked at MK was standing there defiantly with weapon in hand before glancing at Macaque who stood there watching them with that same irritating condescending casualness. Was he insane? He thought there was no way he was just going to agree!

“Seriously kid?” his master asked. MK could feel his resolve weaken under that stern gaze.

“Can’t we at least visit or call? I mean my friends must be going out of their minds, I don’t even know how long we’ve been down here…I just…I just want to let them know I’m alive at least.”

Macaque gave a thoughtful hum and both boys braced themselves for the agonizing punishment only for him to click his heels together and take out his staff.

“Alright”

“Wait really??!” the boys spluttered.

“But only if you can pin me for longer that five seconds, I’ll even let you attack together!”

Red Son and MK grinned at each other, at last a chance to properly fight back and Macaque in his over confidence was letting them attack without the worry of repercussions from the bands. They both got into attack stances the hope of escape or at least contact with the outside world filling them with renewed energy.

“You get rid of the shadows I’ll focus on getting him pinned” MK said to which Red Son nodded.

MK launched himself at Macaque who dodged his attacks with effortless ease, Mk pushed forward with more aggressive blows with his staff to which Macaque blocked them with his own. Red Son lit up his fists and threw a barrage of fire balls which flew around MK keeping clear of him and heading to their intended target. Macaque smacked the fire balls away with a swing of his staff causing fire to ignite along the training ground, he looked around and noticed he no longer could see MK until he heard a rip of hair and the sound of clones being created. He glanced up at MK who at first looked like he was going to rain clones down on him but realised they all had their staffs primed and ready. With the heavy melodious ringing clangs Macaque was suddenly fenced in by a barrage of cloned staffs to which he glanced around and saw flames suddenly erupts around them causing him to blink back from the brightness. MK leapt over the clone fence to look at Macaque.

“No shadows for you to escape to and nowhere for you to run!”

“You still haven’t pinned me yet kid” Macaque said with his hands folded behind his back, MK growled and leapt down knocking Macaque to the floor and holding him there with his staff letting it go knowing full well that Macaque couldn’t lift it.

“How about now?” he demanded. Macaque smirked again and looked down MK followed his gaze and saw that by jumping in and pushing him to the floor his body now created a small shadow to which he melted away into. MK looked around realising he had trapped himself in a fire pit. Red Son watched from outside and gave a yelp when Macaque appeared behind him grabbed him and threw him at the staff fence causing them to explode into gold smoke and the fire to pitter out. MK didn’t even have time to react when Red Son came flying through the fence, smacking him right in the chest causing them both to hit the ground.

They both laid sprawled on the floor as Macaque walked up to them, clapping softly.

“I’m not going to say you did well but I can see where you were going with it, good idea about blocking me from my escape routes. However, when you got cocky you messed up.” He explained as they got themselves up, MK gave a snarl of frustration and Red Son hair flared up angrily as he punched a nearby pillar.

“However, you did pin me for five seconds…” Macaque mused.

“So, we can go home?!” MK yelped.

“No, that attack was appalling” Macaque laughed, “I’m going to need to drill in better team work into of you two. No, I agreed that if you pinned me for five seconds, I’d let you make a phone call.”

The boys looked at Macaque as he pulled out a cell phone from his cloak.

“Wait how does that even get cell coverage in here?” Red Son blurted out.

“You’re the one who likes to mix tech with magic, you tell me” Macaque answered before tossing the phone to Red Son. “You get two minutes each, I don’t think I have to tell you not to do anything dumb like tell them who I am or where you are…”

“But we don’t know where we are!” MK cried.

“Exactly!” was the cheerful reply.

Red Son was first he took the phone and held it in his hands like he was holding a piece of fragile bone porcelain before swallowing hard and then handing it to MK.

“If I give Noodle boy my two minutes, will he get four instead?” he asked, the monkey gave a shrug as if to say ‘hell why not?’ MK blinked back tears.

“You’d do that? But what about your parents?”

“My parents aren’t exactly tech savvy, hell my father can’t even use a cell phone, and besides this is our one shot for someone to track the call and I know dragon horse girl is more knowledgeable in that.” He explained, he glanced at Macaque who was still watching them keenly. That is if our ‘master’ didn’t have some way of blocking it but he didn’t want to smash MK’s hope.

“Thanks…” MK breathed and dialled in Mei’s number, for a brief horrible moment he thought what if it was the early hours of the morning and she was asleep? What if she didn’t pick up? What if during the time they had been gone Mei changed her number? He had desperately wanted to call Pigsy and Tang but he agreed with Red Son, Mei was the one most likely to pick up and be able to use this call to find them.

“Hello?” Mei answered.

“Mei! Oh, thank god!”

“MK??!! Holy shit is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me!”

“Where the hell are you? Everyone is going insane! Monkey King is on the verge of going Kaiju trying to find you!”

MK looked at Macaque and he took in a deep steadying breath before trying again.

“I…I’m not allowed to say.”

“What?! Have you been kidnapped?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay? Jeez that is a dumb question of course you’re not! you’ve been fucking kidnapped!”

“No…No we’re ok for the most part.”

“Hold on… ‘we’?” Mei asked.

“Red Son is here with me”

“Red Son got kidnapped too??!!”

“Yeah, we’re kind of stuck here getting trained…for something…” MK looked at Macaque and could see he was pushing his luck so stopped himself from going into further details.

“Man, that sinks my theory that Red Son kidnapped you in some stupid demon betrothal or something!”

“As if I would do that!” Red Son shouted.

“Wait was that Red Son? Is he there?”

“Yes…”

“Who did this? Tell me who so I can sic Monkey King and Pigsy on them, they are really wanting to punch someone”

“I’m…not allowed to say…” he whimpered. “Mei, you need to talk to DBK, Red Son said his mom can use wind magic to find stuff that might give you guys a lead.”

“Great!”

MK took another deep breath, he didn’t want to worry Mei even more by breaking down into tears over the phone, he wanted so badly to talk to her longer but knew his time was limited.

“Mei…I’m nearly out of time for my call could you please tell Pigsy and Tang that I love them and I’m really sorry for making them worry.”

“Sure thing” she whimpered he could hear her sniffing back tears. “Don’t you worry we’re coming to save you!”

“Could you tell Monkey King that I’m not giving up…and…and…I’m…” he could feel his voice cracking, tears trickling down his face.

“Tell my father to hurry up and rescue us! I have a whole tray of melon bread riding on a wager that’ll he finds us first!” Red Son declared loudly, “Please inform my parents that I, Red Son will not break so easily and neither will Noodle boy!”

“Times up” Macaque muttered holding out his hand.

“We have to go now Mei…I’m really sorry…I…”

“Dude don’t worry I’ll tell them, I hit record as soon as you mentioned being kidnapped…” he could hear her sniffle before returning to the phone in her strained cheerful voice that MK knew she had when she wanted to put on a brave face. “Tell Red Son he’s gonna loose that wager! Monkey King is so gonna get you guys out first!”

“Thanks…” he whispered as Macaque took the phone away and hung up. MK hugged himself as he fought back the urge to cry, he never thought how painful it was going to be telling his friends and family what could be his last goodbye. Red Son tentatively put a hand on his shoulder.

“Right now, that is out of the way, let us continue with your lessons…” Macaque declared.