#and is a disorder rooted in trauma

[girlwithfish]

bpd vs cptsd is really confusing also bpd vs autism. anyway

[brightlotusmoon]

A standard height and weight chart and a standard scale: Look, you are ten pounds overweight for the first time in your life! Bet you feel sad about that!

Me, after twenty years of anorexia: Funny thing, the younger generations have gotten smarter about figuring out food science and it turns out that I could have been feeling great this whole time had someone told me it's okay to be what this country sees as overweight for my height.

[baby--charchar]

So I mean this out of genuine curiosity, but what is Rhea exactly? Just an OC, a para, and alter? The way you talk about her sometimes sounds like she's more "rooted" I guess than a random fictional character. And I know you talk about dissociation and MADD sometimes, so I was just wondering.

Lol the lines are so blurred at this point, but that usually happens for me as new paras appear. I usually stick with the term 'para' though, because I feel that by giving it an MADD label, I'm partially covering the fact that there is some fragmentation/dissociation going on there, without appropriating terms from the DID community (which we know I don't have).

Rhea is at the very least, the 3rd para to take on a bit of self-ness. They all seem a little conscious at times, and it can feel like a bit of push-pull happening in my mind. They have different tastes and wants that I don't alway like for myself, but I try to meet them where they're at when I can. Rhea REALLY loved that sesame street video and I felt like I just couldn't turn it off for her sake. She's also seen things at the store she wanted, but I had to say no.

[cream-and-tea]

fiver is, for all intents and purposes, the designated Normal Guy Voice Of Reason for the the ghost story. this would be great except for the fact that fiver is quite possibly the least normal guy to ever exist. fiver is intensely aware of this fact every second of his life. this surely won’t cause any issue whatsoever.

[vampirebutterflies]

yelling crying breaking things etc etc

[fiapple]

not to be mean, but if you've never had a restrictive ed or bdd then maybe just stop talking about body checking? 90% of the time you lot have no clue what you're talking about, and as someone who's struggled with those issues a majority of my life, the misinformation it spreads can be really damaging to people who are sick regardless of their recovery status.

(please read op tags before you decide to argue, thanks)

[thedaveandkimmershow]

It’s not hard to think of human beings as overwhelmed. It’s not difficult to think of our design as compromised.

Call it what you will. Call it design. Call it optimization.

To my way of thinking, there are so, so many people experiencing events, circumstances, and plot twists they simply cannot handle successfully and sustainably. They're not optimized for life that's thrust on them and so, predictably, they fail in a multitude of ways. Their biological systems, their neurological systems, are not. Meant. For this.

Whatever "this" is.

"This", by the way, can be anything. "This" can be more than one thing. It can be more than one thing happening sequentially or simultaneously. Because there are many, many ways of overwhelming human biological and neurological systems.

When I made this video for the then newly released song "Crying for a Christmas", I wasn't thinking about PTSD, Complex PTSD, Acute Stress Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, and so on. I was thinking about disaster. I wasn't thinking about aftermath. I was thinking about traumatic events, moments of extreme pain and anguish. Not the resulting and relentless trauma.

I was thinking about a terrible moment in time. Not Time itself.

In my rush of creative inspiration, I didn't stop to consider how human pain, human trauma, radiates through time like an explosion, propagating physical and mental debris through an ever expanding field. Propagating plenty of collateral damage whilst doing so. Which is why, I suspect, several friends of mine who are therapists, are focused on pain, focused on trauma no matter how far back it goes. Because they have no interest in playing mental health Whack-A-Mole. They're after root causes. They're seeking the genesis of pain and trauma propagating through time and space and other people... because that's the only way to manifest healing.

One more time:

That's the only way.

To manifest healing.

This video, then, is not only what I intended it to be... you're also looking at the genesis of traumas to everyone who experienced these catastrophes, these evils.

And chances are... for many, for most even, these are not the only traumas in their lives. And their experiences of trauma are creating an ever widening space between what their lives are and what their biologies and neurologies require. It's a space in which consequences fill that available space. And if more space is created, those consequences expand to fill it.

And so on.

The tell-tale sign of a system that’s compromised, overwhelmed in some way, is that the system suddenly acts in random, unpredictable ways. The system loses its ability to fulfill its design intent.

Think of an operating system that’s been compromised by a virus. Or a computer overheating from a busted fan. Nothing works the way it’s supposed to.

Nothing works.

The way it’s supposed to.

And so it is with you ‘n me.

It’s an important idea to remember. It has all kinds of implications. Certainly it’s a reality that cries out for healing across a dizzying array of human beings in every avenue of life. 

So.

Is Christmas really the time to be thinking about this?

Yes.

Yes because the Christmas season isn’t immune to human pain and trauma. It is not that kind of no-fly zone. And, in many ways, we are exquisitely aware of the season as it’s supposed to be... versus the reality we’re living.

And the space between those two poles?

It’s where a lot of things go wrong.

So yeah. It’s important to be paying attention even in this season of Peace, Love, and Joy. After all, Peace, Love, and Joy aren’t bestowed on us just as soon as we hit December 1st. They’re the manifestation of what’s going on inside us.

And it’s important to know with whom that Peace, Love, and Joy...

Needs to be shared.

Because open hands and open hearts.

You know?

🙂

[journeytomonkiekid]

CH 6 (Momentum) - Page 80 Previous || Next Edit: Apparently this isn't...as well known as I'd hoped; Therapy is not exclusively dealing with mental disorders. Don't get me wrong, Macaque has a plethora of problems and probably some mental illness that could be diagnosed, but the reason you go to therapy is to unravel trauma and harmful thinking. You don't need to be insane to need therapy. Hell you don't even need your life to be in shambles to need therapy. The most important thing here is that this is not an insult. She's not insulting him, or calling him insane, or mentally ill. She's just asking him to deal with the root of the problem that caused the original issue. This is something she cannot and should not be responsible for fixing. Additionally; if you're upset she didn't ask for him to kill Lu, please stop reading. If Wan Ji's value of life is unclear to you by now, this comic is not for you.

[thexspiral]

Things that would get me fakeclaimed on reddit

(Even though I have a professional diagnosis)

High headcount

Alter count is at least up in the 100s, potentially up in the 1000s. Most of these parts are extremely 1 dimensional fragments, but I still count them in my alter count because they are still, in all technicality, alters. No, I do not have 1000s of fully fleshed out alters with their own likes and dislikes and personalities and relationships. Most of them don't even have names.

Rarely switching

I'll be in the front for WEEKS at a time. Switches typically only last a few hours. I only really switch when I'm triggered, and sometimes I DON'T switch when I'm triggered, leaving me in the front for extended periods of time. It's not just me "forgetting I have DID" or "not faking well enough" my brain just does not feel the need for frequent switches anymore.

Being 17.

Because apparently you can't be diagnosed with DID if you're under 18. Nope. The disorder magically appears when you turn 18.

Being an OEA survivor

For some reason this is debated. I guess it's because the online community sucks actual ass, but still. Even if I WASN'T a tbmc surivor, and never claimed to be, I would still, by definition, be an OEA survivor because my abuse was organized.

Having introjects

There's this weird argument on reddit that introjects are only ever abuser introjects. I used to have high levels of introjection when my abuse was primarily rooted in the fact that I was extremely isolated and only had media and my mind to cope with trauma. But apparently, these fictives aren't real because they're from popular media and aren't my abuser. (I have abuser introjects too lmao)

Being alternative

Apparently, you can't like good music and have DID. That's just not a thing that happens. Sorry guys, but you're gonna have to pry Korn from my cold dead hands.

Actually, their criticisms are more about how the person dresses, however I genuinely don't see how this is an indicator of faking. I dress alternative because it's the style that appeals to me. Sometimes I dress normal!! Because being hot all the time is pretty tiring.

Covert switches

You can never fucking win with these people. Overt switches are fake because "DID is a covert disorder" but covert switches are fake because "You would be able to tell, they didn't seem to dissociate at all." It's all bullshit. My switches you would barely ever be able to tell because I'm so good at masking the dissociation.

[newtsoda]

When school is torture...

A comic about autism and “school avoidance”.

------------------

Commence Alt Text:

[PAGE 1]

Title: 'It's Not School Avoidance – Trauma, Burnout and PTSD in the Education System'. The first panel shows a woman, her face veiled in shadow and surrounded by a thicket of thorns. She looks alien, with pointed ears and cat-like eyes. The second panel shows her drowning, her hand grasping at the air. The next panel shows ghost-like arms twisting around her. The speech bubbles read: When I was a kid, school was the stuff of nightmares. An intense and overwhelming environment, overstimulating and demanding, and entirely unforgiving. It's where I learned to mask and how to lie about all manner of things. I faked so many illnesses just so I could have the break I couldn't ask for. All so that I could somehow stay afloat in a system that did not recognise my needs. Neurotypicals don't understand just how much school is not designed for people who are not like them. Nor do they understand what it's like when you have to return to the place that is hurting you, day after day after day.

[Page 2]

The woman lies with her head on a pillow, staring wide-eyed at the reader. Thorns creep around the edges of the frame. The text reads: It's nearly twenty years later, and I still have the nightmares. Not the same vague dreams about not doing my homework everyone gets, but vivid night terrors that revolve around school and the things it made me feel. I've been told it's a symptom of CPTSD. The second panel shows a dagger with thorns wrapped around it as it is slowly dragged into their midst. The text reads: Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder develops over a series of prolonged traumatic events. A disturbingly high number of autistic adults go on to develop it and can trace the root of their trauma back to the torturous experiences of their school years. So, I guess it's safe to say I'm not alone. But what's worse: It's still happening today.

[Page 3]

A girl is at the centre of the page, tears streaming down her face as scissors cut through her wings. Blood drips down the page. Thorns creep towards her. Another panel shows the woman's back with the shredded remnants of her own cut wings. The text reads:  Autistic children are being dragged through a grim education system that does not get their needs, quietly suffering. Parents are denied support if their child makes good grades or is quiet in class, because all is well. But the school doesn't see the tears and fights getting to the gates in the morning. Or the meltdowns/shutdowns as soon as the child gets home. It doesn't matter what's happening to their mental health. That a bubbly, happy child who loved to learn has turned into a despondent, empty shell of their former self. Above all else, school emphasises attendance rates. As long as that child is still showing up every day, it's seen as a success, no matter the cost—and the cost, sadly, is often steep for people like us.

[Page 4]

The girl and the woman are wrapped in a towering mass of thorns. Swords jut from the wounded woman's chest while she looks down at the girl who reaches for a hand trying to rescue her from her plight. The text reads: “Your child just needs to develop more resilience.” An infamous line that keeps rearing its ugly head. It comes from a place of ignorance, from people who have no idea how resilient these young people already are from living in a world not designed for their neurotype. But what can parents do? They're witnessing the damage forced classroom time is doing to their children, seeing it destroy them, but feel powerless to help. Keeping them home for recovery results in fines, warnings, and intimidation tactics. Seeing no other way out, some parents are forced to take their child out of school for good, opting for home schooling instead. They report needing years to repair the damage done to their child's mental health.

[Page 5]

The woman is seen healing the girl's back. Tiny wings sprout where hers were cut. The text reads: Homeschooling can allow parents to slowly build their children back up, coaxing them back to their former selves. But not everybody has the means to homeschool, and while it should always be a choice, it should never be one forced by desperation. The next panel shows the woman's own shredded wings. The final one shows her defending her child. Text: This whole thing is excruciating for autistic parents who experienced it all themselves while growing up and know exactly the damage that is being done, yet find themselves unable to protect their child from suffering the same fate. I want to be a parent one day, but the thought of school already fills me with dread. I want my child to benefit from a well-rounded education without paying the steep mental health price I had to pay. It shouldn't be too much to ask! And yet, I've fully prepared myself for the battles I'll have to fight.

[Page 6]

The page shows the woman twirling the girl around while she holds her hands and the girl flies with her new, full-grown wings. The woman's wings are still shredded, but she smiles knowing that she was able to help her daughter. The text reads: I want to raise the next generation of autistic people unburdened by school trauma or CPTSD. We need more autistic-friendly options, and lockdown and the pandemic showed that it's possible!  We need flexible schooling, less classroom time, more opportunities to do schoolwork from home, and low intensity classrooms for children who don't have parents who can support learning from home. Allow for recovery time and stop penalising low attendance rates! We want the education system to recognise the damage it's doing to young people and believe parents when they plead for support. There is more than one way to achieve learning outcomes, and we deserve a system that works for us.

[witchyafterdark]

— Ominis Gaunt Headcanons; pt. 1

➡️ Images aren't mine; all credits to the artists

I know we have a lot of headcanons about Ominis' sleeping patterns and schedules. There are some who say that it's because he doesn't sleep peacefully when he's back with his family at the Gaunt Manor, or that he doesn't feel safe sleeping continuously throughout the night, and therefore developed insomnia.

While those headcanons can very well be true, I believe that his sleeping habits have something to do with trauma.

One of the ways a person deals with their unprocessed emotional conflict with trauma is to physically "shut down." And yes, I've years of experience with this cause I've had my psychiatrist treat me with this one, too. So I really resonated with Ominis on this one.

In trauma psychology, we have different types of responses and coping mechanisms. While I'm personally not a psychologist or therapist, I've been diagnosed with narcolepsy due to extreme C-PTSD from physical, mental, and emotional abuse. And while not everyone who goes through trauma will develop narcolepsy or sleep related disorders, there's a study that suggests that people who have had childhood trauma are more susceptible to developing sleep disorders.

Without getting extremely scientific about this, I think it's pretty obvious that Ominis finds comfort in sleeping his troubled mind away. If you combine all of the headcanons about Ominis' odd sleeping behavior with this one, I think it also makes sense that this could be the root cause of him just flopping down on the floor and sleep.

This is also why we have "depression naps" where people can just sleep the whole day away to lessen the mental load of all the subconscious trauma that's waiting to be dealt with. It's easier to sleep it away, and I think Ominis has this trauma response from being physically punished and basically abused throughout his childhood.

Not to add salt on the wound but I also noticed that Ominis likes to sit or lay on the floor when there's perfectly comfortable couches beside him. I think... he's got comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Maybe back in the Gaunt Manor, they used to make him sleep on the floor as punishment for not abiding to their family habits and culture. 🥲

[coldresolve]

How to Write a Schizoid Character

Schizoid Personality Disorder (SzPD) affects an estimated 1% of the population, similar to rates of autism, but is widely overlooked both in real life and in fiction - to the point where it is often colloquially labelled "the silent disorder". This is a somewhat comprehensive guide in how to write a character with SzPD, from someone who has it.

Quick research guide

I'm writing this guide with the underlying assumption that you've already done some cursory reading into the basics of SzPD. At this point, you need to understand two things: One is that this disorder is incredibly poorly researched, due to schizoids often not seeking treatment for the disorder itself (they sometimes seek treatment for comorbidities like depression or anxiety); and two, as a result of this, there is a lot of over-simplified misinformation out there about SzPD. This disorder often gets boiled down, even by mental health professionals, to the DSM-V or IDC-10 diagnostic criteria, which are criticised widely in the schizoid community for being incredibly superficial descriptions of overt SzPD. This is the kind of case where you need to seek out the SzPD specialists or the schizoids themselves for information about the disorder.

Akhtar's profile is a good overview. Psychologist Elinor Greenberg has a quora where she answers all sorts of questions about SzPD, and she typically hits the nail on the head. Other resources include Schizoid Angst, a youtube channel run by a man who has SzPD (this convo in particular is really good). If you're interested in a deep dive, I recommend reading The Divided Self by R.D. Laing for a deeper understanding of the inner workings of schizoids, as well as the relationship between SzPD and the rest of the schizophrenia spectrum.

Understand the "root" of SzPD

SzPD typically forms as the result abuse, neglect or abandonment in childhood. Schizoids have learned through trauma that emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and dependence on other people all have the potential to harm them badly, and as a result, they tend to avoid those things. In that sense, schizoids don't have a problem with other people, per se. Understanding this fact can help you write your schizoid character with more realism and nuance.

For example, it's a common misconception that all schizoids are averse to having sex. Many schizoids are, to be fair - but plenty of schizoids also frequently engage in hook-up culture, or form other sexual relationships. Physical intimacy can be entirely seperate from emotional intimacy, and thus pose no real risk to a person with SzPD. It's also possible for schizoids to form good relationships with other people, if those relationships are based on non-emotional grounds, such as recreational interests, work, religion, etc.

You can show this in your schizoid character by thinking about which of your other characters your schizoid might gravitate towards. In general, they will feel safest with characters who place few (or no) emotional demands on them, don't place high value on phatic gestures, don't pry into their emotional state or background, respect their need for independence and agency, and so on.

Overt or Covert?

Once you've researched the disorder a bit, you need to decide whether your schizoid character is overt or covert. The overt/covert split is about 50%/50%, so neither is more likely than the other.

Overt schizoids tend to be a lot more blunt about their indifference, visibly detached and aloof, and are typically way less likely to engage in social settings (or be in social settings at all). These are the characters who have blunt affect, ie. won't have much of an emotional reaction to their surroundings, even if it directly involves them (ex. getting praised/criticised). They may have odd speaking patterns, such as stilted or vague speech, and can sometimes come across as cold and uncaring. Overt schizoids are noticably reluctant to reveal what's going on in their internal world, so they might also come across as enigmatic, secretive, or mistrustful.

If your character is an overt schizoid, think about how their behavior and personality are percieved by other characters, what kind of reactions might arise. Think about how your schizoid character might navigate these reactions - after all, they're probably used to getting comments. How do they react if someone comments on how disinterested/moody they seem? Do they tell the person to fuck off? Do they raise an eyebrow, and that's that?

Covert schizoids, or "secret" schizoids, experience the exact same symptoms as overt SzPD, but they hide it behind what's called a false-self system. You can think of it as a form of compulsive masking. Apart from perhaps vaguely eccentric behavior, you typically won't be able to tell that a secret schizoid has SzPD unless you know what you're looking for. If your character is a secret schizoid, they will behave in a way that seems socially engaged and interested, maybe even extroverted, but they will be emotionally withdrawn and safe within an internal world.

If your character is a covert schizoid, your other characters might not notice that anything is out of the ordinary with them at all - until they learn more about your character's lifestyle. Secret schizoids are not as used to being confronted about their odd behavior as overt schizoids are, and, depending on the character overall, might respond to these confrontations with awkwardness, defensiveness or confusion. Many secret schizoids are also unaware that they have SzPD, but are instead just vaguely aware that their behavior and preferences seem strange and different to other people.

Figure out the internals

An intricate internal fantasy life makes for a well-thought-out, sharply self-aware character. Schizoids spend most of their time in their own heads, so you need to have a good understanding of your character's internal world, fantasies and reflections, and how these things affect their behavior, priorities and decisions.

For many schizoids, their fantasy life is rooted in their own lives, either their past, present, or future - what-ifs, what-if-nots and could've-beens. They'll have internal "interactions" with other people they know, play out entire conversations and scenarios, and respond and react much more vividly than they tend to in real life. For other schizoids, their fantasies exist in a world entirely seperate to our own, with its own rules and structure, which they can explore to their own liking. For others yet, they think up fictional stories, sometimes inspired by real life, sometimes not.

Themes in the internal world often reflect the schizoid's own struggle with independence and intimacy. A lot of schizoids use their fantasies as a safe and sufficient way to feel "connected" to others. Others have violent, vengeful fantasies, which often juxtapose the indifferent demeanor - these fantasies tie in to the need for independence and emotional control, sometimes referred to as schizoid omnipotence.

Beyond the intricate fantasies, consider your character's moral beliefs. Schizoids tend toward idiosyncasy - we're in the "odd and eccentric" cluster for a reason. Akhtar described this quality as "occasionally strikingly amoral, at other times altruistically self-sacrificing." Take some time to figure out how this might express itself in your character, and how it is percieved by the characters around them.

Schizoids and relationships

You know how borderlines have their favorite person, and narcissists have their chosen person? A schizoid might just stumble upon someone who will become their interest person, or IP.

An IP is someone outside their immediate close family who the schizoid feels safe enough to be vulnerable with, are genuinely interested in, and who the schizoid forms an honest-to-god emotional connection to. This relationship can be either romantic or platonic in nature. If you choose to give your schizoid character an IP, make sure to emphasize how much this relationship stands out as uniquely meaningful to the schizoid - this is the one person they are even capable of having a genuine bond with, and that bond alone can keep them grounded against feelings of cosmic isolation. Your schizoid isn't likely to take this for granted.

An interesting tidbit of information is that schizoids paradoxically tend to gravitate towards relationships with highly extroverted, emotional people, to the point where the schizoid-hysteric relationships are an entire category of psychological research. Here's a really good snippet that describes how that dynamic tends to play out.

(Also keep in mind that just because a schizoid doesn't have an IP does not necessarily mean they are miserable. A lot of schizoids are capable of finding their own peace with whatever tools they have available.)

Another notable term for schizoid relationships is the controversial stock friend. A stock friend is a person who considers themself friends with the (typically covert) schizoid, and who thinks they have an emotional connection with them, but who the schizoid feels no emotional connection to, has no real interest in, and only interacts with out of convenience or happenstance. Is this immoral? Are schizoids leading people on, or are we justified in masking to avoid a constant stream of awkward confrontations, that have the potential to hurt other people's feelings? Who knows.

Splitting

You might have heard of idealization/devaluation-splitting as it pertains to borderline PD (bad/good) or narcissistic PD (worthy/unworthy). Splitting happens in SzPD as well, along the axis of safe/unsafe.

Schizoids will occasionally cut other people out of their lives, and this usually happens when they get overwhelmed with another person's attempts at emotional intimacy, or their boundaries have been deliberately or repeatedly crossed. They will often view the person as relentlessly prying, controlling, demanding, or dangerous, and will desperately seperate themself from that person as a way to avoid being consumed, or "smothered". At this point, if the other person doesn't let the schizoid get away, the schizoid might become overtly hostile. This is a fear response.

If you want to write a schizoid splitting, be aware that a split with a schizoid usually marks the end of the relationship altogether - especially if the relationship hasn't lasted for very long, and double especially if the person isn't the schizoid's IP. Once a schizoid has lost trust in someone, that trust is very, very difficult to build back up, even if both parties agree to try. Your schizoid character is going to be incredibly wary of the other person, and the relationship is probably never going to feel like it did before.

Beware of stereotypes

Every once in a while I'll encounter a story that features a character who has very obvious schizoid traits, and almost every single time, their arc leaves me disappointed and frustrated. Here are some tropes I would personally avoid writing for a schizoid character.

"He just needed love all along." Kill this trope, no exceptions. Strong emotional intimacy can erode or overpower a schizoid's sense of self, and usually leads to feelings of smothering, being trapped/crushed by the other, and losing autonomy and independence. A schizoid is capable of love on their own specific terms, but if it's on the terms of other people, they will strongly feel like it's something being forced on them against their will. They might still outwardly "accept it" as a form submission or compliance, but it will not be out of love. This trope gives me psychic damage.

"He sacrificed his life for others, which proves that he cared all along." This trope isn't necessarily bad, it just always leaves me with this impression that neurotypicals can only interpret caring when it happens in the extremes. And while it's true that schizoids can sometimes be altruistically self-sacrificing, it's kinda depressing to see schizoid-like characters die all the time. There are other ways you could show schizoid altruism that would also leave the door open for more closure for the character themself.

"He turned evil and violent." While this trope isn't quite as common as it is with other disorders, notably those from cluster B, it does still exist. So here's your friendly reminder that mentally ill and neurodivergent people are more likely to be the victims of violence than to be perpetrators, by far. I'm not saying you should never write a schizoid bad guy, you certainly can - I'm just telling you to be very careful about how you go about it, so you don't end up sending the wrong kind of message.

Conclusion

Schizoid characters are cool, and I wish there were more well-written canonically schizoid characters out there. But I'm also clearly biased, so what do I know

[melanovia]

I feel like people forget psychiatry is a paradigm we created with flaws and biases of our own and not something divinely decreed by reality . many forms of treatment are designed to profit off people's symptoms ongoingly without finding solutions in a holistic way. not to mention the ableism of how it's diagnosed which often stigmatizes people ("personality disorders") without recognizing the root cause (which is often a response to trauma/survival). Throughout history people have been damaged by treatments seeking to make them more palatable to society rather than improve their quality of life.

also the way that diagnoses are weaponized against patients. "oh, they're a (____), so you can't trust what they have to say." leaving them vulnerable to systematic abuse.

[zeldasnotes]

ASTEROID NOTES ☠️

READ BEFORE YOU PROCEED: These notes are about some very serious topics so you should NOT read this if you are sensitive. Butthurt comments will be removed since you have been warned. Please dont read this post if you are under 18.

⚠️🔞TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of eating disorders, sex, abuse & trauma.

Sado(118230) conjunct Mercury can make a person very verbally abusive. This is the kind of person who knows exactly what to say to hurt you. They pick up on peoples insecurities very quickly. Can say something just to get a reaction out of someone. If they have a lot of Neptune and Venus in their chart they will mostly gossip behind peoples back but if they have Mars dominance they will be more straighforward.

Asteroid Paine(5188) shows what kind of pain you will suffer in your life. Paine conjunct Mars is physical pain, might have been a victim of assault or physical bullying. Paine conjunct Moon is one of the most painful ones. This person might have been a victim of a lot of emotional abuse in their childhood.

If you have Lilith in the 4th house your mother might sabotage you because she wants to keep you close to her. There are people with this placement who still lives at home in their 40s(nothing wrong with that ofc) and their mothers made it so that they will never be independent. This can sometimes be because the mother is lonely and uses the Lilith kid as her friend and confidant. The mother might abuse you to submission.

Excalibur(9499) conjunct personal planets gives a strong sense of self importance and if its conjunct the Moon this wont be seen by others. Because the person might not act arrogant outwardly but they have a deep rooted sense of self importance that can blow up if they are not treated as special. If this asteroid is conjunct Ascendant this will be seen by others. If this asteroid is also conjunct asteroid Medea(212) they will make anyone who doesnt treat them as important suffer the consequences.

People with Lilith in the 8th house be prepared to be accused and suspected for a lot of nasty stuff only because of your aura. But dont lose yourself, YOU know who you are.

People with Madhatter(6735) conjunct Midheaven might have been publicly accused for stuff they didnt do. And were made to suffer horrible punishment by society. Might have a reputation for doing something they didnt do.

If you see a person with Sado(118230) conjunct North Node in their natal chart be careful. Because anything conjunct North Node is a life theme.

Ive seen people with asteroid Ohno(5180) and asteroid Hazard(9305) conjunct Ascendant be people who created a lot of issues for anyone who got close to them.

Asteroid Lie(26955) conjunct Moon or in the 4th house is someone who had to learn how to lie in childhood, making them an extremely good liar in adulthood.

Maniac(228029) conjunct Ascendant,Sun or Moon can struggle a lot with mental health and people might see them as a maniac because of lack of understanding.

I found Moon & Ceres(1) aspecting Pluto to be the most common aspects for people suffering from an eating disorder. Also Lilith 2nd house.

Asteroid Split(12512) conjunct Mercury can be hard to live with because the is a split to the personality, thought process and mentality. One part of them says ”save that money for hard times” and the other part says ”spend it on unnecessary shit!”

Lilith in the 2nd house can give a self esteem so low that they start to self destruct to the point of being a danger to themselves. Especially in the form of illegal activity and unprotected sex. The hatred these people can feel towards their bodies is intense. And most times its because people have been abusing them and obsessing over their looks out of envy, and they listened and let the hate get to them.

Lilith in the 3rd house (if afflicted) might enjoy lying and playing mindgames to feel superior or just for fun. They got a really good imagination.

Lilith in the 11th house can signify someone who has been horribly victimized by a group of people. 11th house rules groups of people. For example Pamela Anderson who got this placement and she was gangr*ped as a teen.

Child(4580) in the 8th house or conjunct Lilith can mean you were seen as sexual and noticed by disgusting people as a child. In worst case can indicate abuse.

Be careful with making any deals with someone who got Swindle(8690) conjunct personal planets. This asteroid conjunct Mercury is someone who can talk anyone into anything.

I also saw Child(4580) conjunct Neptune and Lilith in the 1st house in a chart of a woman who was in a relationship with MUCH older men and she sounded and looked like a child. They admitted on the show(true crime) of being mesmerized by her young looks and young voice.

Ceres(1) Square Pluto can create an obsession with the body so much so that the person is afraid to show themselves naked or in tight clothes. There could also be a fixation with nutrition. Sometimes it can become so extreme they might even hate their body.

After watching a true crime show I looked at the chart of someone involved in a murder. She got someone else to do the murder for her but she was the mastermind behind it and got away with it. She got Fortuna(19) conjunct Pluto and Mars. The day of the murder transit Fortuna was conjunct her natal Ascendant indicating she was extremely lucky and would get away with whatever she did that day.

Memoria(1247) conjunct Nessus(7066) is an aspect Ive seen in a person who often lies to others about what happened. Might be a gaslighter. Will tell you that you did something you never did. She abuse people by using their bad memory.

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©️ 2023 Zeldas Notes

[probablyhuntersmom]

An Uncommonly Discussed Trauma Symptom

Disclaimer: This is in no way a substitute for therapy: it’s only psychoeducation. Please consult a therapist and/or hotline and get the help you need if you are experiencing mental health difficulties, especially if experiencing distress or issues that feel unmanageable.

Warnings: Mentions and discussion of suicidal ideation, death, abuse and violence.

Special thanks to @ashanimus and @childlikegoblinqueen

Ever heard of "the sense of a foreshortened future"?

If you have suffered trauma over a sustained and long enough period of time, you may find that you can't imagine yourself living long. You can't see yourself reaching milestones, because it hardly makes sense to your mind that you can go on for that long...given how much you have felt like you've escaped danger, given just how many close calls you have had in life.

Yet the sense of a foreshortened future is a separate thing from suicidality.

If you have both of those together though, it really isn't fun because they may feed one another in a cycle, in the way that symptoms under the same mental health condition have the potential to do the same.

It isn't a desire for pain to end (which is what suicidality is), more so a generated expectation that takes root, and a framework which a survivor tries to fit their experiences into, with the goal to get things to make as much sense as can be. Because it's often the easier thing to devise a simple formula, to feel certainty and to manage one's expectations: rather than embrace the grey areas of uncertainty about how life will turn out.

It's almost as if this feeling of a foreshortened future is in a tug-of-war match between what appears to be solid reasoning, and a person's natural survival instinct along with the hunger for a meaningful life.

This symptom isn't on the *official* criteria for a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist to make any diagnoses, it is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) or International Classification of Diseases, 10th Revision (ICD-10). But informally it is sometimes categorized as an avoidance symptom under both PTSD and Complex PTSD, and also under longer-term depression.

(however, I think it can extend to other conditions. The key criteria is it emerges from repeatedly experiencing horrible things until it makes sense in one's head to expect themselves not to last much longer)

If you hop onto Google Scholar to find proper research about it, the findings are very scarce because it's hard to define it, empirically measure it and quantify it in the first place.

Again, it's not the same as suicidal ideation because a foreshortened-future view is an expectation, while the latter is about a desire.

I wasn't taught about this symptom in any training and supervision before becoming a licensed therapist, nor did any of my own therapists bring it up as psychoeducation when I saw them. It was only through online articles on informal websites that I stumbled upon the phrase and it all clicked for my long-term experiences.

But I feel it is good knowledge for anyone providing psychotherapy to bear in mind.

In The Owl House, the grimwalker lore weaved into Hunter's arc, can shockingly be linked with this symptom, symbolically and thematically.

But the show's age rating means it would likely be too dark for the writing team to explicitly incorporate it into Hunter's dialogue.

Hunter was a lamb marked for the slaughter early on.

He has questioned his survival and ability to thrive.

The following article on Psychology Today describes Belos's long-term influence on Hunter pretty well and provides info that strengthens the points I'm making in this whole post:

Link

It's bad enough that before Hunter and Luz found Belos's mindscape, he struggled with the fear of failure to the extent that there was already the raging inner battle between his primal survival instinct and the already knackered part of him that sought eternal rest from his suffering (showing up as suicidal thoughts):

Fast forward a number of episodes...and we see the looming horrors in Hollow Mind that culminated in Hunter's discovery of what his predecessors went through:

followed by permanent rejection by his parental figure:

The power held by a foreshortened-future view, and its potential to isolate you - to make you feel like you're invisible, or a ghost - can be strong.

What Hunter said to Gus in the following screencaps sums up what it feels like pretty well:

In the context of having an abuser, it emerges from the negative beliefs they impose on you. It gets tricky if those beliefs are internalized, and which may remain internalized even after you get to safety and away from said abuser. Internalized until they become what you expect of your life.

It's about those thoughts which you know in your rational mind are lies, but you feel their apparent truth. They go more silent when you practice self-care but they return to try and reel you in again, and to a degree, they succeed in getting you to believe them all over again, before you renounce them once more.

Being in the C-PTSD Club along with Hunter, I personally experience the feeling of a foreshortened future as a voice deep down which almost always says that life feels too long and it therefore feels absolutely weird, like it doesn't make sense. Life feels too long, contrary to that commonly heard cheesy quote, "Life is too short to blah blah blah".

When I reached milestone birthdays like my 21st, it was confusing and made me irritable, feeling an itch deep down that I could not scratch.

The voice asks me why the heck I'm still around when it apparently doesn't make sense. It's a pervading feeling which can be pretty annoying, though I have it far enough in the background that it's like noise instead of being a source of distress.

It's not the easiest thing to explain this, but Hunter may have confusing thoughts creeping into his head like "Caleb didn't last long, why would I?" whereby such thoughts have a strange feel to them. They aren't exactly hard rules, nor are they distant enough that they can be easily brushed aside. Brain hurty, emotions spooky.

After the horror of this night:

I can definitely see Hunter wrestling with this symptom from time to time. No doubt. It was a major loss of autonomy and control that would significantly aggravate what was already brewing deep down.

I'm doubtful that the crew even established this on purpose (unless they actually consulted trauma experts and/or experienced mental health practitioners), but...this one symptom ties in with grimwalker lore so perfectly...it's hella fascinating that all Hunter's predecessors' lives (including Caleb's) were cut short. Prematurely.

They came with an expiry date set by their abuser: something very characteristic of this foreshortened future feeling, though not unique to survivors of abusive home environments (e.g. if you experienced natural disasters over many years, yet had a loving family, you could also feel like you may not live long). And Hunter's experience of seeing the grimwalker graveyard in Hollow Mind is a shockingly visceral and visual metaphor to symbolize a concept like this, which matches perfectly with his symptomology as a Complex PTSD survivor.

The battle for inner peace has a high price: it is ongoing, and extends beyond him being physically free from Belos. Because Hunter can't just trim away the Belos-related memories from his earliest years and formative years. He can't forget, but he can choose to give those memories less attention, and choose not to let them take the steering wheel in the long-term.

In my opinion, the possession scenes don't just portray the physical experience of an abuser returning to try regaining control or restoring the status quo of having the survivor in their grasp.

The scenes also represent the abuser's imprint upon the survivor that lasts beyond the duration for which Belos is present in Hunter's life. Belos is the kind of abuser that is so insidious that he knows he could leave some marks that outlast his directly physical presence, in the event that he meets his own end. He would have definitely thought about this. Leaving the kind of grisly reminders that won't ever technically fade away (not to be confused with how they can certainly "fade further into the background" via therapy, new positive experiences and the support of loved ones).

For example, the patterns of the permanent scars on Hunter look so much like the patterns on Philip's own face and body. When possessed, the markings were dark green, later faded to the colour of scar tissue once Belos leaves his body.

As we all know, it's hella sad to imagine Hunter having to look at himself in mirrors throughout the rest of his life. It was awful enough that he had the haircut-related panic attack.

If we tie all that back to the symptom of a foreshortened-future view: Hunter might be left with a spooky nebulous feeling (that will alternate between coming back to haunt him, and subsiding) that he too has some expiry date that is different from how the people around him naturally and confidently expect to live a substantially long life. As a cult survivor with C-PTSD, Hunter can't afford the luxury of those natural expectations.

I don't mean that he might plan a day in the future to end his own life, not at all. But he may have a strange ghostly expectation of how long more he has till his life may come to an end, and he wouldn't be sure of how this subconscious expectation came about.

The darker days of navigating the confusing mess of his complex trauma may feel like exhaustion from paddling and swimming to keep your head above water to breathe.

Speaking of water and drowning, plus the theme of sinking down vs. rising back up above the water surface...the fact that Camila jumped in to bring him back up, his friends helped to pull him out, and Flapjack passes new life to him...this is also some crazy powerful symbolism for surviving complex trauma.

Falling back on a support network, your "tribe", that won't abandon you.

My other Hunter analyses (link) go into more detail about his support network and why he needs it.

I was talking to a friend about all this: she has relevant lived experience and mentioned that poor Hunter would reach a milestone birthday and perhaps cry at least a bit on that day, maybe even during the birthday party: out of sheer confusion. The confusion would be silently screaming "But...this doesn't...make sense?". And he might feel confusing waves of darker emotions along with a strange sense of joy.

He may make a decision to start a family with Willow, and a confused questioning voice will bother him now and then with "How are you still here, doing this and living to see this?".

(...also, when is his birthday...? Is it documented in some Emperor's Coven records that they will find..? Even the mere concept of having a birthday is messed up for him to think about, given the purpose behind his creation)

Complex trauma changes its survivors' relationships with the world, not just with people, and this can even apply to their relationships with things like joy and how joy is experienced.

Flapjack's absence would have bred survivor's guilt. It might translate into Hunter questioning whether he is worth the love and effort his friends put in for him. This feeling could emerge at random moments over the years in his life.

Visually, I feel that these two frames - the lighting (which I'd say is unique among all his scenes because they are parts of his arc that stand out so much), his pose, his expression - somehow capture the experience of how complex trauma is chronic and long-term:

The currently most known C-PTSD memoir out there, What My Bones Know by journalist Stephanie Foo, has some content that I feel matches nicely with what Hunter is experiencing in the two separate scenes above.

The author describes something she calls "the dread" (if you get the book, it's first mentioned on page 51). I would call it the amalgamation of multiple things such as shame, the fear of impending harm, self-doubt where you question whether you did something wrong, fearing that someone hates you, etc.

And basically, good lord my poor boy in the first screenshot..with that expression of suspecting what he thought was Belos's presence in the room: something about it fits the book author's words, feeling like she was "on the precipice of fucking everything up".

That's certainly something that would cross Hunter's mind multiple times as he processes the worst night of his life. That he could have done something to prevent all that.

With so much pre-existing worry that his friends and family might actually hate him, the possession scenes and Flapjack's death would definitely shake his foundation and I'm sure he isn't past this kind of ingrained thought pattern at all:

Second, the book author calls C-PTSD a shapeshifting "beast" (page 316). And when she fights it, she must use a different strategy depending on what form it takes, and that it will keep coming back from time to time in another form. Which is why there is a particular exhaustion one feels from having to adapt to each battle.

For Hunter, the second screencap of him fighting Belos's coercion in a direct physical manner is the first of many battles he has to win in his mind, even after Belos is gone for good. Outlasting whatever invisible assailant is trying to get him, as he faces inevitable episodes of being retraumatized in the future: these are called emotional flashbacks (one of the symptoms of C-PTSD).

Being a survivor of complex trauma who experiences a weird sense of time via a foreshortened-future view, can feel like being on the outside looking in.

But! To end this meta on a hopeful note, I should reiterate something from my most recent long meta about Retraumatization vs. Self-Soothing, the first part of Hunter's important speech in Thanks to Them touches on wild magic and palisman. Wild magic represents freedom, while palismen (quoting the Bat Queen) represent close bonds in relationships, emotion, and conviction.

Applying this to how we can navigate the swampy waters of a foreshortened-future view, Hunter can use his newfound freedom and sense of agency to create the story he'd like to tell about his life. It is pretty much impossible to avoid bringing beliefs from our young formative years into adulthood. But expectations (which have a direct link with emotions we end up feeling) of ourselves and of life can be altered over time, so they become less rigid and instead more open to new possibilities.

He has an inquisitive mind which is a big plus point in understanding the impact of what he has been through, and I have full faith that he'll do just fine in that regard because of the courage we have seen in him.

Among the hobbies he explores in the future, flyer derby will be one example of an excellent outlet for him because of its physicality: trauma and grief are not only emotional battlegrounds but also highly physical ones. The body is also very much involved e.g. feeling the lead-like weight of depressive moods in one's body, feeling the physical tension of hypervigilance, etc.

It's fantastic that he has Luz, Willow, Gus and company, he will have a very meaningful career, and he'll have everyone else in his large found family.

His story...his heart...his resilience and vitality...it's all truly inspirational.

We might learn even more about the grimwalkers in the finale and that would undoubtedly prompt me to do a shorter Part 2 on top of this meta.

[traumatizeddfox]

we seriously need to change the language when it comes to abuse. narc abuse does not exist. abusers can have mental disorders, triggers, or traumas but that does not mean people with the same disorder is abusive.

when i first realized i was abused i fell down the narcissistic abuse tiktok trail, i started to believe the only reason my ex was abusive was because he had NPD (he is diagnosed) but then after more of my own research, and conversations with people who are diagnosed with NPD, I realized that abusers are just abusers, and that a lot of people with this disorder are the ones being abused, ostracized from society and not taken serious.

The thing about abusers is they all share the same brain cell, which is why you can list off 10 things most abusers do and a lot of victims will relate. I get countless anons of victims telling me things their abusers did, and I can usually 8/10 times relate on some kind of level, because abusers, again literally only share one brain cell.

The issue with this is abuse has been almost synonymous with the word "narcissist". The amount of shit you see with "Narc abuse", when it's really just abuse. People making countless posts about "how to spot a narcissist, how to fix the narc", etc and I can guarantee you that not all of these abusers have NPD.

BUT we live in such a world of "what about me", so when people try to break the stigma of NPD, victims assume you're telling them they weren't abused. They mention x y z thing that their abuser did, they bring up their mother who maybe was one and maybe their abuser does have NPD, but then these same people want to scream about mental health awareness. They want to say that "Your disorder is not your story", or that everyone with a disorder deserves love, respect, therapy and help but once anyone with a disorder that isn't socially acceptable, it's as if these people turn a blind eye to anyone with a disorder that isn’t classified as worthy. No one is telling you to respect or love the piece of shit who abused you, hurt you, bullied you. Fuck that, but we HAVE to stop associating abuse with npd. if we want to make a change to mental health and the stigma, we need to do with all disorders.

People make these videos, blogs, books, posts, etc on narcissists like they arent...human. The stigma has turned anyone with cluster B personality disorders into something hideous, when really, most of these people are born this way, or deep rooted trauma. BUT when people hear this, they think its giving an excuse. No one is telling you that you have to love ur abuser who might be a narcissist, or that mental disorders = pass. No. Your abuser can have NPD, OCD, depression, etc and be a completely terrible person, and no one is giving them a pass. (Maybe some might but thats a completely different story.) but to just assume NPD = abuser and abuser = npd, is incredibly ableist, but people aren't ready for that one.

The way people talk about people with NPD like they are monsters, and ghouls waiting in the dark corners of the street, waiting to snatch their next victim (who they always describe as being an empath because these people think having empathy = being a good person, when most people aren't even empaths.) They like to romanticize their abuse as well. Talking about how narcissists spot victims who are so "kind, loving, wonderful, special." They try to make it this thing that it's not. Abusers do not abuse you because you are special. they abuse you because they are abusers. Your abuser is a piece of shit who deserves to die because they are an abuser. not because they have a disorder.

period.