#and it being so irregular and having such strange symptoms

[konigsblog]

retired Konig who pretends to be a virgin so the sweet maid he hired lets him fuck her, he tells her there's no chance of him having children since he is infertile (lie) so he gets to cum inside her again and again

Retired!König x Maid!Reader 🍼

CW: DUB-CON, BABY TRAPPING, PREGNANCY / MDNI 18+

Surely, there's no risk of pregnancy when König is infertile, right? You obliviously trust König, don't question or ask for any form of evidence for the pervert that sneaks his filthy, grubby hand up your skirt teasingly. I mean, why would you ask for evidence? You've been working for him over the course of a couple months, and you've really gotten to know and trust him, despite his grossness and depravity.

You don't blame him for not being able to keep his dirty, large hands off of your gorgeous body. He's lonely and anxious, that's all. He just needs a slick, warm cunt to fuck nicely. You don't mind easing down onto his meaty cock occasionally, especially for some extra cash.

Although, König is hiding a perverse and sickening secret from you. He's not infertile. In fact, the entire thing is a huge lie, just to excuse his sick behaviour and have access to all your tight holes, to hopefully baby trap his beloved maid that he obsesses over. König loves how loyal and trustworthy you are, how you're not afraid to let König slide his veiny, lengthy cock inside your drooling pussy, for some extra payment. You offer your body up generously, allowing the old, retired loner to have his way with your holes for hours until you're forced to stay overnight. If you knew you had a chance of being impregnated, you wouldn't have ever bothered....

It doesn't hit you at first. Your period is becoming irregular and hasn't arrived? No big deal, you couldn't be pregnant - there's no risk, after all. Unusual and strange cravings? It's probably just a symptom that your period is near. But, after two months, you begin to get anxious, your stomach swelling and König's gaze lasting a lot longer on your new curves and flesh. Doubt weighs on your shoulders and leaves you tense around König, hesitating whether to let him have you or not - whether to trust that bastard.

Don't blame him, little mouse! It's not his fault... König will wipe your tears and cup your face tenderly, yelling at you when you bring up getting an abortion. You must keep his baby, it's a decision you both willingly made, and his abhorrent lies mean nothing in this situation.

Clearly, it was fate. Now, you must allow it to happen, Liebling... :(

[nix-that-rad-lass]

Lol so funny that I’ve been having weird extreme excruciating pain this week but it only happens around midnight and for a few hours at a time so I can’t go to the doctor because they definitely won’t believe me and will blame it on hormones (except my endocrinologist just said my hormones have finally stabilized) or my weight (except I’ve been losing weight and I’ve had minor pains like this even when I was underweight) or just that I’m hysterical

Like ok sure let’s just hope I don’t fucking die so I can actually go to the doctor in the midst of the symptoms so maybe there’s a chance I’ll be believed lmao

[genshinluvr]

Mixed Signals

Pairings: Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader

Summary: Why do pregnancy and menstrual cycles have the same symptoms? Not only does it cause anxiety, but it gives out mixed signals.

Note: For this fic, the reader leans towards female!reader/AFAB!reader because pregnancy and menstrual cycles are mentioned and do play a part in this entire story. This story seems a bit rushed because, well, its the first week of the quarter at my university. I've been reading a lot of stories for my classes and I have a lot of homework too! 🥲 Yipee! Being a university student is so fun! Anyway, despite this story being a bit rushed and not the best as my previous fics, I hope you all enjoy it! Please keep in mind that I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo)

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy, mentions of menstrual cycles, mentions of vomiting

Word Count: 9.7k Read the Alternate Ending here: Eating for Two | Mixed Signals Alt. Ending. Read the Spin-off here: The Men Who Worry a Lot.

You stand in front of the calendar, hands propped up on your hips. Your eyebrows furrow, staring at the particular date with scrutiny. Today is the first of the new month, and you couldn’t help but feel strange. Something was missing, and you felt a bit off. You and your boyfriends had a nice dinner at the fanciest restaurant in Inazuma, you had some pretty intimate moments with your boyfriends, and now you’re here, staring at the calendar. 

“Something wrong?” Diluc asks, looking at you worriedly before trying to see what you were staring at with such intensity.

You hum softly, “Today is the first day of a new month, isn’t it?” You ask, looking over at the redhead. 

Diluc nods his head, “That is correct. Care to explain why you’re looking at the calendar that way?” 

You shook your head and ran your fingers through your hair, “Something is missing, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.” You said, rubbing your temples with an exhausted sigh. “I guess when I figure it out, I’ll let you know! In the meantime, there’s not much I can do.” You said.

“Oh no, you’re stressing out. What’s wrong?” Childe asks, leaning against the doorway of the abode. “You know I don’t like seeing my precious snookums all stressed out.” He pouts at you before walking towards you and Diluc. 

You grumbled at Childe and let him bring you into a hug. You bury your face into his chest, sighing and closing your eyes. You have never felt so out of place before. You pointed over at the calendar while keeping your face buried in Childe’s chest. Childe turns to look at the calendar that is hung up on the wall of the estate. He reaches toward the calendar and flips it down, showing the previous month.

“What’s that red dot supposed to be exactly?” Aether asks, walking up to where you, Childe, and Diluc stand. 

You look over at the calendar and mentally curse yourself. You pulled away from Childe’s hug and stared at the medium-sized red dot on the calendar that fell on the thirteenth of the previous month. Fuck. The red dot is supposed to symbolize your menstrual cycle, which was supposed to start on the 13th. Now it’s the first day of a new month, and there wasn’t any sign of your period from the previous month.

You sighed dramatically and slapped your forehead, “So that’s what I was stressing out over.” You groaned. You turned to look at the men with a deep frown on your face, “I missed my period!” You exclaimed, throwing your hands in the air out of frustration.

Heizou looks at you quizzically, “Wait, I thought you hated having your period. Isn’t it a good thing if you miss it?” Heizou asks.

“I do hate having my period, but my cycle has been regular ever since I finally had my menstrual cycle four months ago since being in Teyvat.” You scratched your head and mumbled more curses. “Since I missed my period last month, my menstrual cycle is no longer regular. It’s irregular now, and I hate having irregular periods.”

“Hey! At least this is the first time that it has happened! Perhaps you’ll have your period this month!” Aether says, gently rubbing your back.

Heizou rests his hand on your head, ruffling your hair, “And we have plenty of time to restock on the menstrual products for you! You won’t have to worry about Itto asking the merchant about what size—” You cut Heizou off by covering his mouth with both of your hands, face aflame from the memory of Itto indirectly embarrassing you while he and Ayato were away at the market to buy you some menstrual products while you’re stuck at the abode, free bleeding into your panties and onto your bed. Heizou looks down at you with wide eyes before you slowly take your hands from his mouth.

“Please, don’t remind me of the horrors.” You said, frowning at Heizou. You began to fan your face with both of your hands, hoping that it would get rid of the heat that was coursing to your face. “Aside from restocking my menstrual products, since I didn’t use them at all last month, there’s no need for restocking.” You said.

Baizhu approaches you with his arms propped up on his hips. “Do you know what could be the cause of you missing your period last month?” Baizhu asks. “You’re not taking any medication of some sort that could mess up your cycle.” Baizhu murmurs, tapping on his chin.

You slumped against Aether and shook your head, “I don’t know what made me miss my period. I have plenty of nutrients, and I’ve been kind of sleeping well!” You answered.

“Have you been stressing out over anything?” Albedo asks. “Surely there has to be a reason as to why you missed your menstrual cycle last month.” 

“Maybe I am; who knows!” You sighed in defeat. “I really hope that it’ll start soon because the longer it delays, the more I’ll be stressed out about it.” 

Zhongli approaches you with a small cup of tea in his hands, “Perhaps a cup of tea will help soothe your worries.” He hands the small steaming cup to you. 

You grab the cup and take a small sip from it, your face slightly scrunching up from the lemony taste that touched your tastebuds. It was almost bitter and earthy, and whatever flavor this tea was, it was certainly not the kind of tea you would go for, that’s for sure. You lowered the cup and cleared your throat, looking at Zhongli curiously.

“What flavor is this tea exactly? It’s uh….” You trailed off, trying to find a way not to say something rude. “It’s not my thing! I prefer osmanthus tea.” You cleared your throat.

Cyno chuckles, “I guess you can say that’s not your cup of tea.” Cyno lets out a laugh before slapping the nearest person while cackling. 

“Cyno, we’ve talked about this!” Tighnari sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You don’t smack people while laughing!” Tighnari chides, lightly smacking the man upside of his head.

“Oh, so you have time to comment on me smacking Al Haitham while laughing but didn’t have the time to comment on how good my pun joke was?!” Cyno looks at Tighnari in disbelief. 

Zhongli grabs the cup of tea from your hands, “The flavor of the tea is ginger. There are many benefits to drinking ginger tea. One of those benefits happens to include menstrual cycles.” Zhongli answers, brushing your hair from your shoulders.

Venti peeks at the cup of tea in Zhongli’s hands, “How do menstrual cycles play a part in it?” Venti asks. “I’m no tea specialist or tea expert like you, so I wouldn’t know,” Venti added, taking a tiny whiff of the tea.

“Ginger tea is supposed to stimulate menstruation. If [Y/N] were to continue to drink ginger tea, then their menstrual cycle should start within a few days.” Zhongli says, placing the cup of tea down on the tabletop.

You stared at the cup on the table before pointing at it, “For the sake of having my menstrual cycle, let me finish it.” You said. Zhongli grabs the teacup from the table and hands it over to you; you down the ginger tea, your face pinching up at the taste before handing the empty ceramic teacup back to Zhongli. “I really hope the tea helps.” You sighed.

“Well, if the tea is supposed to stimulate your menstrual cycle, then it should work.” Scaramouche shrugs his shoulders. “Other than drinking ginger tea, I’m sure there are a lot of other ways to induce your period.” Scaramouche adjusts his hat on his head, clearing his throat awkwardly. 

You raised an eyebrow at Scaramouche, “Like what exactly? I know birth control can help regulate periods, but I haven’t been on birth control ever since I arrived in your world.” You said. “Speaking of birth control, I might need to start being on one if my cycle continues to be late.” You tapped on your chin with your pointer finger.

Itto lets out a small laugh, “Well if you want to know what are the few things that can induce your period, I heard that sex is one of those things other than tea.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you. “I am the master of giving you multiple orgasms.” You covered your face with your hands, feeling your face becoming hot.

Al Haitham walks up to you and places a hand on your shoulders, “Perhaps you should get some rest. You’re stressing out over your menstrual cycle, and it can cause the cycle to delay even further.” 

You nod your head, “You’re right, Al Haitham. I need to get as much rest as I can.” You said, rubbing your eyes tiredly. “Hopefully, it will help.” You added.

Al Haitham nods his head, “We can’t control when your cycle starts, but we can try to induce it, starting with the littlest things like getting plenty of rest, getting enough nutrients, and drinking ginger tea to stimulate your cycle.” Al Haitham guides you up the stairs to your bedroom in the estate.

“I’ll cook you something to eat! You can continue to rest up, and we’ll wake you up when the food is ready!” Thoma says, leaning up against the railing of the mansion. “Perhaps I can add some ginger into some of the food as well.” Thoma ponders, pushing himself away from the railing before walking to the kitchen.

Al Haitham tucks you into your bed and kisses the top of your head before leaving your room. You lay in your bed and snuggled up against one of the plushies Tighnari had given to you, slowly drifting off to sleep. Usually, you would have a hard time falling asleep, but for some odd reason, you’re able to fall asleep faster than you usually did. 

Plus, you weren’t the type of person to be able to take a nap easily. Many things can keep you up, preventing you from napping. Even if your bedroom is completely dark, your bedroom is cold, and you’re lying comfortably in your bed, taking a nap is something you weren’t able to do at all. You were roused from your slumber by Dainsleif, who brushed your bedhead away from your face with a tiny smile on his face.

“Did you sleep well?” Dainsleif asks; you nod your head before stretching your arms and legs in bed. You slowly sat up on your bed, scratched your head, and looked around your dark bedroom tiredly. “Do you want to go back to sleep?” He asks softly.

You plopped back down on your bed, “Yes, I do.” You mumble. You turned to lay on your stomach and reach out to Dainsleif’s gloved hands, interlocking your fingers with his. Just when you were about to fall asleep, you felt Dainsleif shake you.

“Are they still asleep?” You hear Ayato ask, footsteps approaching where you lay. You mumbled and buried your face into your pillow, feeling your eyelids growing heavy. “[Y/N], wake up. Thoma finished making your food.” Ayato says, kneeling on your bed while poking your side lightly. You jolted from the contact before slowly looking up at Ayato, squinting your eyes at him. Ayato smiles down at you and pats the top of your head before getting up. Fearing that he might poke you in your ribs, you sat up on the bed and wrapped your throw blanket around your body like a robe. You slipped on your slippers and got up from your bed, clinging to both Dainsleif and Ayato before the two men walked you out of your bedroom. 

Gorou’s ears perked up, and his eyes lit up the minute he saw you enter the dining area with Dainsleif and Ayato. “[Y/N]! How was your nap?” Gorou asks excitedly, his tail rapidly wagging as he approaches you with a big smile. “I hope you slept well and are feeling refreshed!” He smiles at you cutely.

“Thank you, Gorou! I actually did have a pretty great nap!” You give him a small smile, unlooping your arms from Dainsleif and Ayato’s arms before lightly patting Gorou’s head. “But sadly, my nap was ruined, and now I’m here!” You said, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

Kazuha chuckles, “Well, you can continue taking a nap after you finish eating.” Kazuha says, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the dining table. “It’s hard to sleep on an empty stomach, so you should eat something before going back to sleep,” Kazuha suggested.

“Kazuha is right. After all, I don’t think you’ve eaten anything today, aside from a snack,” said Kaeya, leaning on the chair you’re sitting on. 

“Since when did [Y/N] eat a snack today? I didn’t see them snack on anything today.” Xiao commented; he crossed his arms over his chest while giving Kaeya a skeptical look.

Kaeya laughs softly, “Of course, you wouldn’t see them snack on something. Why is that, you may ask? Ah, right! It’s because the snack that I am referring to is none other than me.” Kaeya says nonchalantly, flicking his hair over his shoulders with a smirk on his face.

Xiao’s eyes widen, “You—” Xiao stops himself and turns away, his hands clenched into fists, his cheeks blazing hot. There was no way Kaeya actually meant it. Unless he wasn’t lying at all? You hissed at Kaeya and lightly smacked his arms, your face feeling hotter than the sun. You grabbed onto the cutlery and began digging into your food while mumbling about Kaeya’s inappropriate comment.

“After you finish your food, you should take some vitamins. You’ve been skipping out on your vitamins.” Pierro says, standing up from his seat. 

You laughed sheepishly, “I actually never take vitamins.” You said, scratching your head awkwardly. “I’ve taken them before, but even if I did eat food before taking my vitamins, I still have an overwhelming urge to throw up.” You shuddered at the thought of swallowing multiple pills.

Pierro gives you a disapproving look, “Even if you are healthy, you still need to take your vitamins. Perhaps it’ll help you with your cycle as well.” He says gruffly.

You make a face, “Alright, I’ll try to take my vitamins more often. But if I continue to feel nauseous after taking my vitamins on a full stomach, I’m quitting.” You stated, shoving a dumpling into your mouth.

Pantalone lets out a thoughtful hum, “It’s strange that you continue to feel nauseous after taking vitamins on a full stomach.” Pantalone strokes his chin before sitting down on the loveseat in the living room. “Maybe you have these reactions because you’ve never taken vitamins before. Your body is most likely not used to these supplements and is having a complicated time with digesting them.” 

You nod your head, mouth stuffed with dumplings. You made a face while trying to chew four dumplings in your mouth, struggling to move your jaws. The men around you snorted and looked over at one another with an amused look on their faces. You held up your index finger, signaling them to give you a moment to chew the dumplings in your mouth. After a few minutes, you were finally able to chew and swallow the dumplings that you shoved into your mouth. You rubbed your aching jaws and sighed, picking up another dumpling with your chopsticks.

“Oh, man. I know I’m hungry, but I didn’t think I would be this hungry!” You said, dipping the dumplings in soy sauce before shoving them whole in your mouth. You hummed in delight, the flavors bursting in your mouth.

Dottore laughs, approaches you, and wipes the corner of your mouth with his thumb. “You look like a chipmunk.” He commented, bringing his thumb up to his lips before licking the soy sauce off his thumbs. “Remember to slow down when you’re eating. We don’t want you choking on your food and getting indigestion.” You frown and nod your head, placing your chopsticks down on the plate before wiping your mouth with the cloth napkin.

“Apologies, the dumplings are immaculate, and I couldn’t help myself.” You laughed, rubbing the back of your neck awkwardly. “Plus, my appetite has suddenly grown. I feel like a bottomless pit when it comes to food.” You added, rubbing your stomach with your right hand.

“Oh? Are you still hungry?” Capitano asks. You smile at him sheepishly and nod your head slowly. Capitano lets out an amused laugh, “Well, it looks like the Kamisato housekeeper didn’t cook enough food for you to eat.” Capitano commented, turning to look at Thoma.

Thoma laughs, “I made a decent amount of dumplings for [Y/N] to eat. I wasn’t sure if they would want to eat a lot of dumplings before going back to sleep.” Thoma says, pinching your cheeks lightly.

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind eating more dumplings!” You shrugged your shoulders. “Plus, I think it would be nice to go to bed with a full tummy.” You added, patting your stomach before taking the last dumpling off your plate, dipping it into the sauce before shoving them into your mouth.

Dainsleif sighs, “You need to be careful when you shove dumplings into your mouth. You could make yourself choke.” Dainsleif says, patting your back lightly when you coughed.

You waved him off, “I’ll be okay, Dainsleif! I just choke on the sauce.” You said, rubbing your chest while making a face. “But since I’m now done eating something, I guess it's my cue to go back to bed?” You ask, raising your eyebrows at the men.

“Don’t go to bed yet; you need to digest your food before laying down, or else it’ll cause some discomfort,” Baizhu says.

You hum, “I guess I will be lounging around in the living room for now until I’ve fully digested the dumplings.” You said, slowly getting up from your seat and grabbing your plate and cutlery. “I will do that right after I’m done washing the dishes.” You added. 

“No, no, no! You go sit on the love seat and rest! I got this!” Itto says, taking the plate and cutlery from your hands. You were too tired to argue with Itto, so you complied and walked over to the living room where the others were waiting for you. You collapsed beside Cyno and yawned, rubbing your eyes with the heel of your hand.

“You can lean on me and rest if you’d like,” Cyno says, gesturing you to come closer. You scoot over to sit closer to Cyno, resting your head on his shoulders. 

Al Haitham clears his throat, “I believe that [Y/N] should be resting their head on my chest instead. After all, you don’t have much meat on your bone.” Al Haitham commented, flexing his muscles. You see Al Haitham’s muscles bulge beneath his sleeves and his shirt, your eyes almost popping out of your head. You sat up and shook your head, completely forgetting about how Al Haitham and Cyno don’t get along with each other. It was a miracle that both Cyno and Al Haitham didn’t try to kill one another whenever they stepped into the same room as the other person. 

“It’s fine, you two! I’ll just go and sit beside Venti.” You said, getting up from the couch before walking over to where the bard was sitting.

Venti’s eyes lit up when you approached him. “Need some company, Windblume?” Venti asks, giving you a big smile as he opens his arms. You collapsed onto his lap and let out a dramatic exhale of breath, resting your head on Venti’s shoulders.

“You’re really comfortable.” You commented, snuggling up against Venti and looping your arms around his neck. “And yes, I wanted some company. I was going to remain where I sat previously, but I didn’t want to get caught in a crossfire between Cyno and Al Haitham.” You said, peeking over at the two men who were staring at you intently. Al Haitham and Cyno glared at each other; both of their hands were itching to draw their weapons.

Tighnari laughs, “Children, am I right? Both always get into a scuffle with one another when they’re in the same room. Tsk, tsk. I believe that they’re too immature to be with a refined person such as [Y/N].” Tighnari says, glaring at Cyno and Al Haitham from the corner of his eyes.

You didn’t respond. Instead, you lay your head on Venti’s shoulders and close your eyes. Even if you can’t lay down after eating, you choose to take a nap on Venti’s shoulders as he combs his fingers through your hair. The gentle touch of the anemo archon and the faint chatter in the background of the abode soon lulls you to sleep.

A few days after you had discovered that you missed your menstrual cycle, you were beginning to feel even weirder than the days prior. While your cycle has yet to start, you can’t help but feel bloated, your cravings are through the roof, and your breasts are sore. Not thinking much of it, you assumed that it was your menstrual cycle symptoms because the things that you’re currently going through is a typical menstrual cycle symptom. 

While you didn’t make a huge deal out of your body’s sudden change, the men are a bit on the worry side. Yes, it could be a common sign of an approaching menstrual cycle, but Baizhu has also mentioned that menstrual cycles and being pregnant have the same symptoms. They all immediately started to panic, chattering amongst themselves while you weren’t in the same room as them. In fact, they haven’t seen you today at all. It was nearing the afternoon, and you had yet left your bedroom.

“As Baizhu said, the symptoms for menstrual cycles and pregnancies are similar. Just because they’re similar doesn’t mean that [Y/N] is pregnant.” Ayato says, leaning up against the wall in the abode.

Heizou sighs dramatically, “But that doesn’t mean that [Y/N]’s menstrual cycle is near either! It’s fifty-fifty between the two things!” 

Aether pats Heizou’s back, “I’m not entirely sure whether the symptoms that [Y/N] is experiencing are pregnancy symptoms or menstrual cycle symptoms. But I think we should wake [Y/N] up from their slumber. It’s almost the afternoon, and they’re still not awake.” Aether says.

“I’ll wake them up!” Gorou volunteered, holding his hand up before walking upstairs to where your room was. When Gorou approached your bedroom, he heard something strange coming from inside your room. Gorou’s ears twitch before pressing them up against the wooden door of your room, listening closely. His ears perk up at the sound before slowly knocking on your bedroom door. You didn’t sound too good. Gorou didn’t want to make an assumption right away, but from what he was hearing from outside of your room, it sounded like you were throwing up. Again, he didn’t want to make an assumption. A few minutes later, the door opens, revealing you. Gorou gasps at the sight of you once the door is fully extended.

“I’m awake, Gorou. There’s no need to come and get me. I’ve been awake for a while now, actually.” You said, rubbing your eyes. “I’m assuming the others wanted you to wake me up?” You ask. 

Gorou nods his head slowly, holding his arm out for you to take. You gave him a weak smile before looping your arms around his, letting him walk you down the stairs to where the others were waiting for the both of you. With how horrible you looked, Gorou was hesitant about whether he should even take you downstairs or just let you stay in your room to get more rest. You looked sick, very sick. The minute you stepped foot into the living room, the men simultaneously gasped at the sight of you.

Childe was the first man to run up to you, cupping your face in his hands as he gazed down at you worriedly. “Snookums! Are you alright? What happened, baby?” Childe asks. Your skin felt cold and clammy. 

“I’m not feeling well. I’ve been awake the entire time, but I was emptying out my stomach.” You said, rubbing your now sore stomach. You sniffled, “I feel like shit. I feel even worse than a few days ago.” You whined, burying your face into Childe’s chest.

Childe and Gorou trade looks with each other before turning to look at the other men. They all looked pale with fear and worry. You were fine a few days ago, but now you’re feeling unwell all of a sudden? Surely there has to be an explanation of some sort. 

“You’ll need to eat and drink something. You did lose a lot of fluids, and you haven’t eaten anything at all today.” Scaramouche says. 

You nod your head and let Scaramouche pull you towards the dining room where the food was waiting for you. Thoma had made you one of your favorite foods in Teyvat. Usually, your mouth would water at the scent, but this time, you feel nauseous. You covered your nose and shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Are you alright?” Albedo asks, placing his hand on your shoulders while looking at you worriedly. 

You shook your head, “Dear, archons. The smell of the food is making me feel nauseous.” You whispered, swallowing the lump in your throat.

Kazuha hums, “How strange. This is one of your favorite dishes in Teyvat!” Kazuha says.

“I know, right? It’s strange how I can’t stand the smell of one of my favorite dishes.” You murmured. 

“Maybe it’s best for you to lay down while we get you something else to eat. You can’t skip out on meals just because they suddenly smell unappetizing.” Diluc says, guiding you to the living room with both of his hands on your shoulders. 

You sighed, “I know, I know.” You muttered, letting Diluc lay you down on the couch before draping a throw blanket over you. 

Zhongli then emerges from the kitchen with a cup of tea in his hands; you couldn’t tell what kind of tea it was, but you’re assuming that it was for your nausea. Zhongli sits down beside you and helps you sit up on the couch by wrapping his arms around your waist, slowly pulling you up by your waist. Once you’re situated, Zhongli hands the ceramic teacup to you. You held the teacup with both of your hands, carefully taking a small sip from the cup. You ended up finishing the entire thing without any issues. You hand the cup back to Zhongli, who rubs your head lightly.

“How are you really feeling? Does anything feel strange, or did anything happen?” Zhongli asks, taking the cup from your hands and resting his hands on his lap.

You nod your head slowly, “I was feeling fine a few days ago, but I’m suddenly feeling unwell.” You said.

Xiao raised an eyebrow at you, “How so?” He crossed his arms in front of him, leaning up against the wall beside you.

“Well, I suddenly feel nauseous whenever I smell one of my favorite dishes in Teyvat. I threw up today when I woke up. Wait, scratch that. I woke up and rushed to the bathroom to empty my stomach. My breasts are hurting, I feel bloated, and I’m also starting to feel cramps.” You said, caressing your lower abdomen and your lower back, wincing at the painful pulse. 

Kaeya strokes his chin, “That is strange.” He murmurs to himself, deep in his thoughts.

“And did your menstrual cycle start by any chance?” Pantalone asks, sitting down on the armrest of the couch you and Zhongli are sitting on.

You shook your head, “Nope. Not a single blood on my underwear or my bed.” You reply.

Dottore narrows his eyes, leaning to whisper to Capitano, “Could [Y/N] possibly be….” He trails off, biting his bottom lip.

“If they are, then who’s the father?” Capitano mutters.

Pierro shakes his head, “Dottore, Capitano, don’t start making assumptions now. We don’t know for sure whether they’re pregnant or not.” He mutters to the two other Harbingers, placing a heavy hand on both of their shoulders.

“We will be conducting a health exam on you to see what is going on with your body and your overall health,” Baizhu says, walking up to the couch and sitting beside Zhongli. 

You nod your head, “Alright, that’s fine with me.”

“You know, the symptoms that you’re experiencing sound eerily similar to pregnancy symptoms. I’m not trying to scare you or anything, but to me, and perhaps the others, it sounds like you could be pregnant.” Childe says. Your eyes widen at Childe’s conclusion before looking at the others like a deer caught in headlights.

Diluc pinches the bridge of his nose, “Let’s not scare [Y/N] even further.” He says, shooting a glare at Childe.

“Childe’s not wrong. Not to mention, [Y/N] even said that they didn’t even start their menstrual cycle yet, but they have these weird symptoms a few days after missing their period? Does that not sound strange to anyone else?” Ayato asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Fine, let’s assume that they are pregnant, alright? Who’s the father?” Tighnari asks. He looks at everyone skeptically.

You shook your head, “I still don’t believe that I’m pregnant. I had similar symptoms before my menstrual cycle began when I was still in my world.” 

“When was the last time you had sex?” Albedo asks.

You furrow your eyebrows, trying to think of when was the last time you had sex with someone. “Last month, I think. My memory is bad, so I can’t guarantee whether it’s accurate or not.” You said, scratching the top of your head awkwardly.

“You had sex last month, you missed your period last month, and now you’re experiencing strange symptoms a few days later after discovering that you have missed out on your menstrual cycle….” Kazuha trails off, giving you a knowing look.

Your eyes widened as you quickly shook your head, ���No! It can’t be! I can’t be pregnant at all!” You ran your hands through your hair. “I haven’t even gone to therapy yet!” You exclaimed.

The men around you do a double take at your outburst, caught off guard from what you had just said. Therapy? What did you mean by that, exactly? Surely you’re implying that you’re not mentally prepared to bring a child into this world, correct?

Dainsleif places a hand on your shoulders, “What does therapy have to do with being pregnant?” He looks genuinely concerned for you, and you’re thankful that he does because after knowing that you could potentially be pregnant, you will definitely need to seek some kind of professional help. The thoughts that are racing in your mind are almost causing you to spiral and have a mental and emotional breakdown.

“I’m not mentally or emotionally stable enough to bring a child into the world. Plus, I don’t even know who the father of the baby is! If I am pregnant, of course.” You reply, plopping back down on the couch with a dramatic exhale.

Cyno stifled his laugh behind his hands, “I guess you can say that you’re a bodybuilder.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you with a teasing grin on his face.

“How often do we have to deal with your lame jokes?” Al Haitham asks, rolling his eyes.

Cyno gives Al Haitham a dirty look, “Forever, Al Haitham. If you continue to stay with [Y/N], then you’re stuck with listening to my jokes forever!” Al Haitham rolls his eyes again. He crossed his arms over his chest while muttering incoherent words under his breath.

Gorou leans his head back, “I wonder what my and [Y/N]’s baby would look like.” Gorou says thoughtfully, his tail unintentionally wagging with excitement.

“The baby will probably have ears and tails like yours, for sure! I know that my and [Y/N]’s baby will be half oni and half human! They’re going to have horns like their father!” Itto says, grinning widely.

“And they’re going to be deathly allergic to beans, just like their idiot father.” Scaramouche snorted, lightly zapping Itto on his bare torso, causing Itto to flinch and yelp.

Aether and Heizou make a face, “No offense to any of you, but I don’t see some of you as fathers.” said Aether, rubbing his arms awkwardly.

“Yeah, I agree with Aether on this one. Some of you are too broke to be a father, and some of you prefer to be free and not be tied down to anything,” said Heizou, giving certain men a look from the corner of his eyes.

Kaeya chuckles, “Personally, I believe that I will be a fantastic father to my and [Y/N]’s unborn child.” He flicks his lovelock from his shoulders.

“Some of you even lack emotions, so how in the Teyvat are any of you going to connect with a child without showing any emotions?” Venti pipes up, crossing his arms over his chest. 

You lightly nudged Venti with your foot, “Venti, some people show emotions to those they’re close with. Showing emotions or a different side of you can be tough because you’re letting down your guard, and you’re showing them who you really are, how you truly feel, and many more.” You chide.

“Some of us have trouble with showing our emotions to others, but that doesn’t make us care any less about our child by not showing our emotions.” Dainsleif huffs, narrowing his eyes at Venti. 

Xiao nods his head, “Agreed. We can express emotions with those around us, but we chose not to because we don’t like any of you.” Xiao says, his head snapping towards Childe’s direction. Childe lets out a choked gasp and looks at Xiao in disbelief, clutching his chest dramatically. You feel another wave of nausea wash over you, making you tense up and close your eyes. You refuse to throw up again; what’s there to vomit up when you have yet to eat anything? Aside from the tea that you had ingested for your nausea?

Zhongli places his hand over your left hand on your lap, “Do you want me to fetch you some more tea or a bucket?” He asks softly. 

You snorted and slowly took your right hand away from your face, letting out a slow exhale. There’s no way in hell you’re pregnant, and if you were, you know that your pregnancy symptoms are going to be far worse than the ones you get when you’re nearing your menstrual cycle.

“Yes, Zhongli, tea would be nice. Food would also be nice as well, but I’m worried that I might throw it all back up before being able to digest it.” You said.

Thoma enters the living room with a tray of food in his hands, “I have made you something that is easy to eat and digest while feeling unwell. I truly hope that this wouldn’t make you feel nauseous.” Thoma says, placing the tray of food down on the coffee table in front of you. 

“One way to find out.” You said, turning to the table and picking up the eggs on toast. It was a simple meal, but you’re not complaining. As long as you’re able to eat something and it doesn’t make you feel nauseous, then you’re okay and dandy! You take a bite out of the eggs on toast, almost sighing in relief when you don’t gag at the smell or taste.

Cyno claps his hands, “Great! Now we know that eggs on toast don’t make [Y/N] feel nauseous or gag! I gotta say, it’s EGGcellent that [Y/N] is finally able to eat something.” Cyno smirks widely when the others around him groan at his pun joke. 

Al Haitham sighs, “Do you ever keep your mouth shut?” 

“Huh, funny! Because I was wondering the exact same thing about you! If you and [Y/N] ever have children, archons, I sure hope not, then your children will be a stick in the mud like you.” Cyno retorts.

Xiao looks over at Tighnari, “Do they fight often?” 

Tighnari sighs in defeat, his ears drooping while nodding his head slowly, “Unfortunately, they do. It’s normal at this point.” He says, scratching the back of his ears.

“If [Y/N] is pregnant, we shouldn’t be stressing them out and overwhelming them. It’s bad for them and the baby.” Aether says, smacking Al Haitham and Cyno upside of their heads.

You rub your neck awkwardly, “I still don’t think that I’m pregnant.” You said to yourself, munching on the egg on toast before taking a sip out of the ceramic teacup that Zhongli had handed to you just now. The heat from the tea warms your insides, making you shudder slightly. 

“Oh, is the tea not to your liking?” Zhongli asks, looking at you worriedly.

You quickly shook your head, “No, no, no! The tea is great! The feeling of the warm tea slithering down my organs gave me goosebumps, almost.” You said, giving Zhongli a small smile before patting the spot next to you, signaling him to sit down beside you.

“Are there any other symptoms that we have to keep an eye out for?” Kaeya asks, looking over at Baizhu. You went silent and pondered for a moment. You heard that pregnant people tend to have cravings for the strangest food combinations. You’re not sure what would be your strange food combination because you tend to eat questionable food combinations already. For example, when you were still in your world, you would eat potato chips and popcorn with hot sauce. For some reason, they make a perfect combination. 

“I’m craving for some sunsettia with hot sauce….” You muttered, squinting your eyes as you finished up your eggs on toast.

Baizhu chuckles before turning to Kaeya, “Craving is one of them, but it’s also a menstrual cycle symptom as well.” Baizhu crosses his arms over his chest.

Itto groans, “Why do they have the same symptoms?! It’s confusing and frustrating!” Itto runs his hands through his hair. 

You nod your head, “I agree! It’s frustrating and confusing! Imagine how many scares I’ve gotten every time my period is late when I was still in my world.” You said, wiping your mouth with a cloth napkin before placing it down beside the plate.

The men around you went silent and gave you a look; their eyebrows raised, their arms over their chest, they looked almost upset— actually, their expressions were unreadable. You snorted and shook your head. You took a sip of the tea, holding your index finger up to tell them to give you a moment to explain. You place the teacup down on the ceramic coaster, clearing your throat.

“You’ve gotten pregnancy scares before!?” Childe exclaims. Childe looks like a kicked puppy after hearing what you said before you took a sip from your teacup.

“No! I meant that every time I miss my cycle, I always think that I’m pregnant. Even if I’ve never had sex, my mind would think of the worst.” You said, rolling your eyes playfully. “Plus, I tend to overthink a lot of things, and my mom says that it’s one of the things that contributes to my period being late.” You said slowly.

“And why do you overthink? I don’t think I’ve seen you overthink once while you’re in Teyvat.” Ayato says. He crosses his arms over his chest.

You snorted, “Well, of course, I’m not going to overthink while I’m in Teyvat! My world is stressful for me, and I overthink the littlest things. I can’t help it, I try not to overthink, but it happens anyway.” You shrug your shoulders.

“Well, since I’ve eaten something, I think I should get some sleep now.” You said, getting up from the couch. “I’m awfully tired, and a nap is very much needed.” You stretch.

Gorou raises his hand, “But don’t you need to take some kind of test to confirm whether you’re pregnant or not?” He looks at you quizzically.

“Do pregnancy tests exist in Teyvat? And by pregnancy tests, I mean that it’s a stick where you pee on it, and it’ll give you the results within five minutes.” You said, looking around at the men quizzically.

“They don’t, but they sound amazing! Getting to find out whether you’re pregnant or not just by peeing on a stick? That’s pretty cool and interesting!” Heizou says.

“How in the world do people in Teyvat find out whether they’re pregnant or not?” You muttered, your eyebrows furrowing with confusion. 

Albedo approaches you, “What we can do currently is to give you a blood test to see whether you’re pregnant or not.” You nod your head slowly; right, you forgot that people could get a blood test to see whether they’re pregnant or not. Sometimes peeing on a pregnancy test isn’t as accurate as a blood test. You know that because you’ve seen it happen before, and you’ve peed on plenty of pregnancy tests. Technically it was four times because you kept fucking up the test somehow.

“Right! A blood test.” You said slowly, laughing nervously. 

“What’s wrong?” Thoma asks, grabbing your plate from the tabletop. 

You cleared your throat, “I’ve never had a blood test before, and I’m a bit nervous about getting my blood drawn.” You said, your cheeks heating up with embarrassment.

Venti giggles softly, “It’s okay if you’re nervous! You got this, and you’ll be okay!” Venti says, rubbing your shoulders and giving them a comforting squeeze.

“I hope so.” You said, puckering your lips before following behind Tighnari, Albedo, and Baizhu to the infirmary where your blood test was going to take place.

Kazuha walks beside you, rubbing your lower back. “About this blood test, when will we get the results back?” Kazuha asks.

Dainsleif hums, “Well, it’s a blood test. There’s a procedure that goes into these things where it’ll be measured.”

Scaramouche rolls his eyes, “You really said a lot about nothing at all.” Scaramouche crosses his arms over his chest.

“Dainsleif is implying that because it’s a blood test, it will days a few days,” Diluc commented, opening the door of the infirmary in the abode. 

You bobbed your head, “What Diluc and Dainsleif said. It’ll take a few days for us to get the results back. I’m hoping that it comes out negative because there’s no way I’m pregnant.” You said, rubbing your face tiredly.

Tighnari motions you to sit down on the examination table while Baizhu and Albedo are searching for the types of equipment around the infirmary. You sat down on the examination table and began shaking your right leg anxiously. You’re not afraid of needles. However, you are nervous about needles when it comes to blood tests because it’s an entirely different story.

“I’m going to pull up the sleeve of your shirt, and we’re going to get started,” Tighnari says. He grabs onto your left arm and begins to roll the sleeve of your shirt up to your shoulders.

You look away and let your eyes wander around the infirmary. You’re fine when it comes to needles as long as you don’t look at them and as long as you distract yourself.

“Alright, we are going to disinfect the area where the needle is going to go. It won’t hurt, but you will feel a pinch.” Albedo says, rubbing your inner elbow with a cotton pad that is soaked in rubbing alcohol.

“Squeeze your hand into a tight fist for me.” Baizhu murmurs. You nodded your head slowly and squeezed your left hand shut, feeling Baizhu wrap an elastic band around your biceps. You feel your heart beginning to race in your chest when you see Tighnari approach you with a syringe in his hands while Dottore has a glass vial in his hands. 

Dottore gives you a smile, “You’ll be fine. Blood tests are quick, and it’ll be over before you know it.” He reassures you, brushing a few stray hairs away from your face while Albedo is feeling around your inner elbow for a pulse, searching for the perfect vein to stick a needle into.

“I’m thinking about buying some baby clothes! What do you think, [Y/N]? Should we go out into Teyvat and buy some baby clothes after your blood test?” Childe asks, leaning against the examination bed.

Pantalone snorted, “Why should we buy baby clothes when we don’t know whether they’re actually pregnant or not?” Pantalone asks, his eyebrows quirking up. 

Pierro nods his head, “Agreed, it is a bit too early to be buying baby clothes when there are no results yet.” You flinched when you felt the needle go into your arm, your face scrunching up when you felt a pinch and sting.

“Even if [Y/N] is pregnant, would you want to buy clothes for a baby that you’re not the father of?” Capitano asks. He crosses his arms in front of him while leaning up against the wall.

Itto lets out a ‘pfft,’ waving his hands at Capitano’s question. “Of course, we’re still going to buy baby clothes whether it’s ours or not! Making babies require teamwork!” Itto says.

“And we are done with your blood test! You should be getting results back within a few days.” Albedo says, wrapping gauze around your elbow, taping it with medical tape.

You gave Tighnari, Albedo, and Baizhu a grateful smile before getting off the examination bed. Since they didn’t draw too much blood, you felt fine. Other than the faint sting that you’re currently experiencing from the needle penetrating your arm and vein.

“Can I go take a nap now?” You ask.

Kazuha nods his head, “Yes, you may go to bed now. Do you need any assistance to get to your bedroom?” Kazuha asks.

“Some assistance would be nice, plus I would like to have company and maybe someone to cuddle up with while I’m taking a nap.” You said.

“I’ll take you!” Everyone suddenly raises their hands at the same time.

You snorted, “Guys, I can’t fit over twenty people in my bed! I can only cuddle with one person!” You said. 

Thoma laughs, “We can make it work! We always find a way to make things work out for everyone!”

You stroked your chin, “That is true, but I’m not sure about the whole napping situation. I wake up easily, and me having to wake up to take turns napping on someone is going to make me cranky.” You said.

Aether held his hand up, “How about we all take turns cuddling with you!”

Heizou snorts, “I don’t think some of us are patient enough to wait for our turn to snuggle with [Y/N].” Heizou says, propping his hands on his hips.

You poked the gauze lightly, only for Xiao to lightly bat at your hands to stop you from messing with the gauze. You grumble under your breath before turning to the others, who were waiting for you to choose who you wanted to cuddle with while you took a nap.

“Okay, how about this! I will cuddle with two people at a time while I take a nap, and all of you can switch every ten to fifteen minutes.” You said.

Ayato nods his head, “Alright, sounds doable for us.” The men muttered and nodded their heads. Some seem satisfied, and others seem unsatisfied but agree with your solution nonetheless.

“I volunteer to carry [Y/N] upstairs!” Venti exclaims, grabbing you by your waist before tossing you over his shoulders, running off with you while laughing mischievously. 

Diluc sighs, rubbing his temples with both of his hands. “That damn bard.” Diluc grumbles as everyone around him runs after you and Venti. 

Everyone was antsy when it came to waiting for your blood test result while you were chilling and going on with your day as if it was normal. Aside from the symptoms, you were having. Even though you’re supposed to be nervous and on the edge of your seat when it comes to knowing whether you’re pregnant or not, you don’t seem to think about it as much as the others do compare to you. You were sitting on the patio with Lumine, drinking tea while snacking on some mochi that Ayaka had made, and told Ayato and Thoma to bring back to the abode for you. 

“My brother’s been acting weird recently,” Lumine says, lifting her teacup up and taking a sip from it elegantly. 

You swallowed your mochi and looked at Lumine quizzically. “What do you mean by that? How’s Aether acting strange?” You ask, wiping your lips with the cloth napkin.

Lumine shrugs her shoulders, “He said something about me being an aunt? Apparently, you’re pregnant with his kid?” Lumine cocks her eyebrow at you.

You slowly slumped down in your seat, covering your face with your hand. “Please, we don’t even know what the result of the blood test is.” You said, rubbing your temples.

“You’re not pregnant, are you?” Lumine whispers, reaching over to grab your hand.

You shrug your shoulders, “I don’t think I’m pregnant at all, but the others think that I am.” You reply. “We’re all waiting for the blood test results at the moment. I can guarantee that I’m not pregnant!” 

Lumine lets out a relieved sigh, “Good! Because I wouldn’t know what to do if you are pregnant with my twin brother’s kid! No offense to him, but I can’t see him with a kid.” Lumine says slowly.

You raised your eyebrow at Lumine, “Oh? And why is that?” You ask, sipping on your tea. “You’ve piqued my interest, Lumine.” You said, smiling behind your teacup.

Lumine shook her head, “I just don’t see it at all.” As the two of you continued to have tea and mochi with one another, the men approached you with little gift bags hidden behind their backs.

“Oh, hello, you two! It’s a beautiful day at the abode today, don’t you think?” Zhongli asks. He stands behind you and leans down to press a kiss on your cheeks. “Hello, my love.” He whispers into your ears, gently squeezing your shoulders.

“Hello, Zhongli! Hello, my loves. What are you guys doing here?” You ask, turning to look at the men around you and Lumine.

Lumine scrunches her face up in disgust, “Disgusting.” Lumine grumbles jokingly. You snorted and squeezed Lumine’s hand. “I don’t get what you see in them at all, [Y/N]. Perhaps we should take you to the eye doctors to see if your vision is okay.” Lumine jokes, poking your cheeks lightly.

“Well, EYE think [Y/N] has exquisite taste in men. Although some are questionable, regardless of that, [Y/N]’s got great taste.” Cyno says, kissing the top of your head.

Ignoring Cyno’s pun joke, Al Haitham steps forward. “The others and I have gone out to buy a few things. We came back with a few items, and we want to know what you think about the items we’ve bought.” Al Haitham says.

“Oh! And what did you guys buy?” You ask, looking over at Lumine.

Lumine chuckles, “Al Haitham? Shopping? That’s something you don’t see on the regular.” She said as you nudged her lightly with your foot. “So! What did you boys buy for my [Y/N]?” Lumine asks, propping herself on her elbows while raising her eyebrows at the men.

Gorou’s eyes bulge out of his head, “Your [Y/N]?!” 

Lumine smiles, “You heard that loud and clear, boys! My [Y/N]! Now, which one of you knocked up my precious [Y/N]?” Lumine asks, her eyes scanning the crowd. “Now, I know for sure that it’s not those Harbingers over there. They don’t look like the type to want to father any children.” Lumine says, gesturing over to the four Harbingers.

“Making assumptions about others now, are we?” Dottore asks, sneering at Lumine, who rolls her eyes in response.

“Oh, please. You experiment on children as a hobby. There’s no way in hell you’re the father if [Y/N] ends up being pregnant.” Lumine glares at Dottore. “I will protect my unborn niece or nephew with all my life.” Lumine places her hand on your tummy.

“Childe! Why don’t you show [Y/N] and Lumine what you bought while we were out in Teyvat today!” Kaeya says, nudging the ginger beside him.

Xiao looks over at you, “He’s the one that bought the most out of all of us.” Xiao says. 

You snorted at his comment, “I’m not surprised that he is. Quite frankly, I’d be shocked if he didn’t spend a single mora on anything.” You said.

“You might want to close your eyes for this one. Childe claims that the shopping is supposed to be a surprise,” Dainsleif says, shaking his head. You nodded your head slowly and covered your eyes with both of your hands after placing your teacup down on the saucer. You hear bags shuffling and footsteps approaching where you and Lumine sat.

“I present to you…. This thing! You can uncover your eyes now, snookums! I think you’ll love it!” You hear Childe said. You slowly take your hands off your eyes, and your eyes widen at the item Childe was holding up in the air in front of your face.

“You bought baby clothes already!?” You exclaimed, looking at Childe in disbelief.

Pantalone laughs, “Technically, we all did.” He says. The men around you pull out baby clothes from the bag, causing you to cover your face with your hands. There was no way they bought clothes already when you haven’t gotten any results from your blood test yet.

“Why did you guys buy baby clothes when we haven’t gotten the results back yet?” You ask, looking at the men with a questioning gaze. “Though, these clothes are so cute and tiny!” You squealed, grabbing the onesie from Childe’s hand and holding it up to look at it closely.

“Are you hoping the results come back positive or negative?” Baizhu asks, pulling up a chair to sit next to you.

You shrug your shoulder, “I’m not sure! Babies are cute, but the whole process of going through pregnancy is terrifying.” You said, slowly handing the onesie back to Childe. “And so is childbirth!” You added, shuddering.

Lumine leans toward you, whispering into your ears, “You might have to go through that twenty-something times.” 

“Oh, archons. My body is going to be so strained from the number of babies I’m pushing out of my body.” You groaned. Dear archons, you really hope that you’re not pregnant at all!

The next day, you woke up to excruciating pain in your lower abdomen. You shot up from your bed, doubling over, curling up into a fetal position with your hands clutching onto your lower stomach. You groaned in pain and slowly lifted your head up, sweat beginning to form on your forehead.

“I hate cramps.” You grunted, slowly getting out of bed when you felt something warm and wet gushing out of your nether regions and onto your underwear. “Fuck, I think my period started.” You whispered, running to your dresser and grabbing out your clean underwear before making a run to the bathroom.

“The results for the blood rest are back,” Tighnari says, walking into the dining area where the others are gathered for breakfast. 

Venti’s eyes lit up, “And? Is [Y/N] pregnant or not?” Venti asks, pushing out of his seat before trotting over to where Tighnari stood.

“We should wait for [Y/N] to come downstairs for breakfast. After all, it is their test result.” Zhongli says, crossing his arms over his chest.

You limped down the stairs, still in your pajamas with your throw blanket wrapped around you like a robe. You had a deep frown on your face, and you looked very cranky. Childe held his arms out, and you plopped down on his lap, head resting on his chest.

“My period just started.” You stated, letting out a huff of breath. “And now I’m suffering.” You mumbled, clinging to Childe.

“I’ll make some tea,” Zhongli says, getting up from his seat before walking to the kitchen to brew you some tea for your cramps.

“So, the results are negative then?” Scaramouche asks, looking over at Tighnari for confirmation.

Tighnari nods his head, “That is correct. The test came back negative. [Y/N] is not pregnant.” Tighnari says. 

“They’re not eating for two, nor are there any buns in the oven,” Cyno says, sipping his drink. 

Childe sighs, “It’s a bit disappointing, but I’m glad that [Y/N]’s menstrual cycle has begun.” Childe says, smiling sadly while rubbing your lower abdomen.

Gorou scratches his head, “Since [Y/N] isn’t pregnant, then what do we do with the things we bought?” Gorou asks, his eyes slowly trailing towards the shopping bags that contained baby clothes and accessories.

“Let’s keep them.” You said meekly. 

“You don’t want us to return the items?” Al Haitham asks; you shake your head. 

Not only did the men spend a lot of mora on baby clothes and accessories, but you also don’t want them to have to return the item back to the stores. Even though you’re glad that you’re not pregnant and that your menstrual has finally started, you kind of wish the results came out to be positive instead of negative. You wonder what it’s like to have a child cling to you and is your shadow while you hang around the abode. It’d be nice to have a mini you running around the estate with your boyfriends, chasing them around and spoiling them with love.

“Maybe next time, the rest results will come back positive.” You murmur, playing with Childe’s fingers as he interlocks his fingers with yours.

“Next time.” Childe whispers, kissing the top of your head.

Note: THANK YOU FOR 3K FOLLOWERS!!! 🥺❤️ I'm surprised that there are many of you that read my stories 😭 Thank you all for your love and support! I will try my best to keep up with the weekly posts! ❤️ I might make an alternate ending for this fic, but I'm not 100% sure if I want to make an alternate ending. Mainly because I'm not sure how long it'll be and if I will have the time to make it. The first week of university is a pain in the ass! Literally, I'm not kidding. It's a bit hard to keep up with updates because I have a lot of readings to do for my classes, along with reading responses. Gotta love being a creative writing major! 🥲 I'll try my best to keep up with the weekly updates! There's a chance that the future fanfics are my assignments LMAO! Anyway! I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!

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[strongheartneteyam]

Realize where you belong.

Chapter 8

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!human!reader/female!dreamwalker!reader

CW: a whole lot of fluff, intense feelings, angst, self doubt, slight reference to depressive symptoms, crystal appears for the first time (she's reader's best and only actual friend), playful teasing between friends, crystal is a sweetheart, some funny/feel good parts, protective neteyam, neteyam flirting with reader, heated make out session, sharing the same bed trope (idk if it counts lol), cuddling, sexual tension, kissing, mentions of being turned on, moaning, love confessions, neteyam licking reader's neck, neteyam using his fangs to tease reader in a sexual way, reader still feels a bit weird about her deep love for neteyam, bad words, melancholic vibes, reader is gradually letting go of her fears and diving deep into her relationship with neteyam. Lemme know if I forgot anything

Hi, my babies! I hope y'all like this chapter. I only had the inspo to finish it today ahaha comments are always VERY appreciated by this author! 💕 I love all my readers. You guys give me a reason to go on and not give up on my dreams (I think some of you already know I dream of becoming a pro writer one day) even when everything is dark around me.

Slightly proofread.

Chapter 7

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

They think I'm insane, they think my lover is strange

But I don't have to fucking tell them anything

And I'm gonna write it all down, and I'm gonna sing it on stage

But I don't have to fucking tell you anything

That's the beauty of a secret

You know you're supposed to keep it

Strange Love (Halsey)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Yesterday had been a mess of a day. But it also ended up being one of the best days you had in such a long time. You finally had the courage to tell Neteyam about how you truly felt about him.

Today you were gonna see Neteyam at night again. You two had come to a conclusion that he would spend some time with you in your room during the eclipse. The fact that the both of you would be alone in your room for hours, when you would be wearing only a nightgown (you just were not a pajamas kind of girl) made you feel nervous in a good way. The butterflies in your stomach were flying round and round and they would not leave you alone. It felt good, though. That kind of euphoria made you forget the many things in life that would make your heart hurt way too often.

You were cooking in the lab kitchen and singing to yourself, in a low tone, excited, thinking about seeing Neteyam's beautiful big blue face again, his bioluminescent freckles adorning his forehead, cheeks, nose, chin… He was so perfect. At least to you. You did not care if the other humans found his appearance weird.

Crystal was there in the kitchen with you, her back hunched as she cleaned the floor using a high tech machine that resembled a mixture of a broom and a vacuum cleaner and had green and blue lights that shone in irregular patterns throughout its handle. She noticed how happy you looked and smiled.

"What's up with you, (y/n)? You've been so down lately and now you're singing while preparing food?" She teased you in a friendly way, laughing slightly.

Crystal was such a sweet girl. She was so calm and nice to everyone, even when treated badly. You admired that quality in her.

She was a beautiful asian girl with straight raven black hair and pale skin that contrasted with her hair, making her look angelic to you. Her smile was also so kind. It was her smile that made you trust her and befriend her the first time you both spoke.

You laughed shyly while looking at her "It's nothing, Crys." That was the nickname you gave her "I'm just a bit happy today. You should be happy for me instead of teasing me!" You were now not shy but mischievous "You're the one who's always telling me to see the good in life, despite the darkness. That's what I'm trying to do." You looked back at the meat you were seasoning and thought that Neteyam was the light in the middle of darkness for you at the moment

Crystal approached you and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek "Whatever you say, little bat. I just wanna see you happy. That's truly all I want." She would always call you "little bat" because she told you that you have kind of a gothic vibe, since you're not really that into socializing and prefer your own company most times and you don't really smile at strangers. According to Crystal, that made you mysterious. You thought that was a bit cheesy but again, not your words. Crystal was the one claiming that. You laughed internally.

"I know, my Crys. And I love you so much for that. You're the best friend I could ever ask for."

"See?! You're all sappy! Something good happened! This is not just you deciding to be positive all of a sudden. If something happened, you better tell me, you hear me?!" She teased but you knew she also really wanted to know 

Sometimes you hated how she could see right through you because you didn't always want to tell her all that was in your mind, even though you loved her so much and she was your best friend. Like now, for example. You couldn't tell her about Neteyam. That was something that, at least for now, would have to be kept a secret. You could only hope Derek would be decent enough to keep his word and not tell anyone about what had happened when Neteyam saw you and him kissing.

༊⁀➷

Even though it was cold, you kept your window unlocked and slightly open that night once again - a small gap, as always - just so Neteyam could come inside your room through it.

When you saw him approaching your window, his dark blue skin looking almost magical in the dark of the eclipse, his big size now exciting you instead of scaring you, your heart started beating so fast, it was just like it was in a running competition.

You practically jumped from your bed to the floor and walked as fast as your nervous legs would let you towards the window. Neteyam smiled at you so widely. Damn, were his fangs sexy… He barely got there and you were already getting turned on.

"Neteyam!" His name came out of your mouth in such a happy tone

"Hi, hi'ì emyu. You look so pretty tonight. I missed your pretty face."

Your heart started beating faster even if it seemed like that wasn't even possible to begin with.

"You're making me blush. Stop!" You laughed nervously as you opened the window for him "Come in." You wanted to call him "baby" or something cute like that but he made you so nervous with his confident but kind and warm personality that you still couldn't manage to do that.

Once he was inside your room, he knelt down in front of you - so your size difference wouldn't be so ridiculously big -, cupped your face with both his big blue hands and kissed your lips quickly. It wasn't a long kiss but it was enough to make your legs feel weak.

"It's late, oeyä tawtute. You have to rest. You should lay on your bed while we talk. I can lay by your side. But only if you feel comfortable with that." He looked you in your eyes, trying to let you know that now he would always try his hardest to respect your boundaries

You thought that the way he was taking care of you was so lovely. It made your heart melt, honestly. And the thought of Neteyam laying next to you in your bed, your bodies so close to each other since the bed would be incredibly small to his na'vi body, made you say "yes" immediately, without thinking twice. You wanted him that close to you so bad. You had missed him all day.

Neteyam was beyond happy with your answer. You walked towards your bed and Neteyam walked right behind you. Soon enough, the both of you were sharing your bed.

"Neteyam…" Your voice echoed in the cold air of your room but Neteyam's warmth was keeping you cozy, his body pressed against yours as you both cuddled in your bed that looked ridiculously small when Neteyam was laying on it, all curled up to be able to fit there with you.

"What, yawntu?" He looked at you with eyes so tender, they made your heart feel warm and you felt truly loved after such a long time not even knowing how that felt like

"I'm sorry I didn't say it back when you said it… but… I love you too. I love you so much. I don't even know how I can feel so deeply for you if I met you not that long ago. It's been what? 4 days?" You looked concerned 

Neteyam touched your face, making you feel the heat of his big hand all over your skin

"Stop thinking too much. Just let it be. Just feel what you feel for me and don't try to reason about it. What matters is what we feel for each other. What matters is that your heart beats fast for me and so does my heart for you." 

Even though Neteyam had just reassured you, seeming to be calm and unbothered, your words did surprise him. When he first told you, in his people's language, that he loved you, you did not say it back. He tried to think it was just you still being overwhelmed with the odd situation that being in a relationship with a na'vi was to you - he knew that the fact that you two were from different species still weirded you out a bit - but he couldn't help but feel insecure. Now that you had finally declared your love for him, he felt like he could finally breathe and that horrible fear of losing you started to slowly go away.

You breathed deep and nodded. You knew he was right. You were a chronic overthinker.

Neteyam gently brought his lips to yours and gave you a kiss full of care and love. He pressed his plump, soft lips against yours and you kissed him back. You both kept your lips together for a few seconds and slowly parted, looking inside each other's eyes. There was trust there. There was something special between you both, a bond, an energy, something that you never found anywhere else before. Nobody made you feel what Neteyam did.

"I wanna tell you something."

"Please do" Neteyam started to run his slender four fingers through your hair

"I was so afraid you weren't gonna come back for me after that night when I screamed at you." Your heart hurt as you admitted that to him, but you tried not to let it show

"Do you really think I would let you go that easily? (Y/n), listen to me. I know, I just know, right here," Neteyam tapped on his chest, right where his heart was "that I will love you forever. Even if I did everything in my power to get you to be mine and I still failed, I'd still love you until the day I die. So, no, I wasn't gonna give up on you just like that. I'm the Mighty Warrior, remember?" You laughed at the silly name Neteyam calls himself as he smiled at you and chuckled "I'd fight for you until the end, hi'ì tawtute." (small human) "That's a war I'm not willing to lose. No way."

"But I treated you so badly…" You furrowed your eyebrows, gazing at him with sadness and guilt in your face

"I know… but to be fair, like you said, you're not used to my na'vi behavior. I came on too strong. I'm sorry. It's just what you do to me. It's all your fault! You're too beautiful!" His expression quickly changed from ashamed - when he was apologizing - to playful, as he got closer to the end of the sentence and he smiled at you, winning back another smile from you.

His smile was one of the purest things you had ever seen. Perhaps the purest one. So precious.

"Can I ask you something?" You spoke

"Anything, yawntutsyìp." 

"Why do you say I'm "more na'vi than human"?" I know you already explained what you mean a little bit back when we first met but… I'm gonna need more than that." You looked at him chuckling softly, wondering, as your eyes showed him how much you wanted to know the answer

"I think it should be obvious to you as much as it is obvious to me." Neteyam smirked, playfully 

"Why so?" You smiled, confused 

"I wish you could see yourself from the outside, like I can see you. I wish you could see how miserable you look living your human life, cooking and washing dishes inside that kitchen. But, when you're in your Avatar… you smile so widely, you exude childhood wonder, your happiness is so, so contagious… It's like you feel truly alive like that, like you feel free and at home. It's so beautiful to watch. That's why I used to always watch you." He smiled looking down, bashful

༊⁀➷

Some time had passed and it was now getting only a few hours away from the end of the eclipse. You knew Neteyam had to go back to his tribe soon enough. But you didn't want him to go. You wanted him to stay forever by your side, not being parted from you for a single second, as clingy as that sounded. And the best part is: you were almost sure he felt the same way. Okay, if you were to only listen to the rational voices in your brain and not to the voices telling you that you were unlovable, you knew Neteyam felt the same way. You could just feel it in the air when he was around you.

And at that moment, he was showing you how much he needed you in a way that was making you feel things you hadn't felt in so long.

Neteyam was licking the sensitive skin of your neck, making you let your head to the side, leaving more space for him to keep on doing that, as you closed your eyes and moaned, almost too loud, at the way his large tongue lapped on your neck, tasting the skin and massaging it gently. Saying that felt like Paradise would be an understatement. You had no fucking words to even start to explain what he made you feel.

"Oeyä tawtute… my yawne…" he cooed on your ear, kissing the earlobe and using his sharp teeth to nible on it a little bit "You're mine now. All mine, my muntxate." (female mate) 

Neteyam wrapped his tail around your right leg. That felt possessive but in a good way. It made you feel safe. Like belonging to him was not gonna be such a scary, anxious experience at all to you. He seemed to already know you. Neteyam held you just the way you liked it and you wanted him to keep his big arms wrapped around you for eternity. He felt just like an overused, old t-shirt that was already so used to your body that it felt extremely comfy and relaxing on your skin, making you wish you could go everywhere wearing that t-shirt. So familiar and safe.

Even if your brain still tried to tell you it was totally insane to feel like that about a guy - a na'vi - you had just met, you didn't give a damn anymore. Your sick brain already made you suffer a lot in so many areas of your life. You wouldn't let that fucking pink squishy organ ruin your relationship with Neteyam. Not anymore.

༊⁀➷

"How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?

The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,

And the place death, considering who thou art"

Juliet Capulet - Romeo and Juliet (William Shakespeare)

༊⁀➷

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[zoeykallus]

Hey there! I was wondering if you could write about a female reader, traveling with the batch. She suffers from anxiety and depression, coming in phases. There are good and bad days, but she manages to keep it to herself, until she has a really terrible one. And she has feelings for Tech and the other way around, but they haven't addressed it yet, and he is the one realizing something is off with her, trying to comfort her. Some Angst/Fluff stuff... Please? ❤

Hm, this one hits home. Ouch. Sure I can, I actually love the opportunity to comfort myself while writing, especially with Tech 😋😅

Let me see what I can do for us you 😊

Tech x Fem!Reader - The Lowest Low

Warnings: Angst/Mention Of Anxiety/Mention And Description Of Depression Symptoms/Panic Attack/Comfort/Fluff/Soft, Shy, Gentle Tech

____________

Until now, you have always been able to hide it, but suddenly the deepest low in a long time hits you, and you can't hide it anymore. Tech tries to understand what's going on with you.

_____________

So far you have always been able to prevent it, to hide it, even from Hunter. You always withdrew in time when the bad episodes came, you have learned to act by now, to pretend that everything is wonderful, while inside you feel panic, fear, and a deep inexplicable, lonely sadness.

But this one episode is particularly horrible. You blew the last job, a panic attack overtook you, threw you off track, and forced you to retreat. Much to the surprise of the guys, who looked after you in complete bewilderment as you simply cleared the field. This time, none of your breathing exercises or mental retreats helped.

Your back is tense, your muscles tight as if expecting to take a punch at any moment. Your fingers stiffen, a feeling of pressure on your chest, one uncomfortable goose bump after another chases across your body.

A lump forms in your throat and a slaying wave of sadness washes over you. This helpless feeling is awful, you feel guilty of just ditching the guys, on such a simple mission. Nothing special happened, not that you can remember, no specific trigger.

You feel burning pressure behind the bridge of your nose and eyes, tears held back. Your cramped fingers cling to the collar of your shirt as if expecting to be strangled by the fabric at any moment.

The air you breathe is like lead, heavy on your body and hard to get into your lungs. You feel dizzy. An all-encompassing fear has you in its grip, the feeling of being helplessly exposed to everything around you is overpowering. You want to scream, but it seems there isn't even enough air to breath.

You are trembling, your breathing is irregular and heavy. You have retreated to a quiet corner, somewhere behind the landing pad of the Marauder. You are so preoccupied with your condition that you don't hear someone approaching.

Startled, you look up, your heart almost stopping as you hear Tech say your name.

He's standing there, for the first time in a long time not holding the datapad, his helmet tucked under his right arm.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Are you not feeling well? You're pale and look tense, almost panicked."

You feel a single tear run down your face, then a second, but your expression is strangely blank, you feel it yourself.

Tech is looking at you, obviously trying to understand what's going on with you, to make sense of your behavior.

You never wanted anyone to see you like this, especially not Tech. But you sense that the cat is out of the bag, and any white lie would only make him feel like you don't trust him.

"No, Tech," you say softly, "I'm not feeling well."

He blinks, standing there indecisively for a moment. He glances over his shoulder as if to make sure the two of you are really alone. Finally, he looks at you again and asks, "May I come closer?"

You manage to smile at him and nod.

"Of course, I always like having you near me".

A small smile twitches at the corners of his mouth, then he moves closer and sits next to you with some courtesy distance, his long legs bent. Tech sets his helmet down on the ground beside him and looks at you.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

You sigh softly and say, "I don't see how. That's something I don't want to burden you with."

He frowns thoughtfully and says, "It's not a burden. All I see is a person I care about suffering, and I want to counteract that. You said you like having me around, the feeling is mutual. Maybe I can help you in some way with my presence?"

You smile, feeling touched by how cautiously Tech approaches the matter, although he usually wants to go straight to the point.

You swallow nervously, smile cautiously, and ask him, "Would you mind holding my hand?"

Tech blinks in surprise, he seems a little shy, but he moves a little closer and gently grips your hand with his, closing your fingers with gentle pressure.

He thinks for a while, then says thoughtfully, "You need contact, with something or someone that will give you security, peace, safety, an anchor that will ground you, so you can get out of this slump you seem to be in."

You nod and breathe a sigh of relief, the pressure on your chest slowly easing. You block out the irrationally felt fear, feeling less exposed.

"That's why I asked you to hold my hand," you say softly.

Tech tightens his shoulders, sits up a little straighter and smiles, a very gentle, shy, but sincere smile.

"I'm honored," he says, squeezing your hand a tiny bit tighter to emphasize his presence at your side.

You slowly take a few deeper breaths, a few more tears running down your cheeks.

"Isn't it getting better?" he asks, concerned.

Your smile widens a bit, though tears are still streaming down your face.

"Oh yes it is, that's the relief, Tech. That… Tension I've been feeling has been exceedingly intense, all consuming. When it subsides, it's so relieving that I cry sometimes."

He blinks, thinking about what you said, trying to understand.

"It must be scary to feel that intensely," he says thoughtfully.

You nod in agreement.

"Yes, very much so. But there are sometimes very special bright spots that I would never want to miss"

Surprised, he looks at you.

"Such as?"

You feel warmth rise in your tear-stained cheeks as you say, "What I feel for you is intense, too. The joy of your presence or your attention. The peace and security you radiate to me. The incredible affection I feel when I see you smile."

Tech blinks several times in a row, as if he needs to reload his system. His ears turn red, and he looks shyly away to the side.

"Oh," he says softly.

You swallow, afraid you might scare him off, but he's still gently holding your hand, making no move to let you go.

You clear your throat carefully, wanting to say something else, but not daring to. After a while of quiet, Tech breaks the silence that has developed.

"You like me," he says softly, almost in a whisper, like a statement he can't quite grasp yet.

"Yes, indeed."

His eyes dart briefly in your direction with a quick smirk, then he glances shyly at his shoes again.

"Do you like me, too?" you ask softly.

His ears seem to get even redder.

"You could certainly put it that way, yes," he says with a nervous clearing of his throat.

His comm beeps and Hunter's voice is heard, "How's it looking? Is our girl okay?"

Tech glances at you briefly before answering, "She's doing better, but it's recommended to give her some more quiet time."

Hunter says understandingly, "Okay, take your time".

You realize that Hunter, of all of them, probably noticed the most when your low overtook you.

Tech barely noticeably moves a little closer, his thumb stroking your hand that he is still holding.

"Would you do me a favor?" he asks seriously.

"Of course."

He looks directly at you and says, "If you feel like this again, give me a sign, come to me. If it helps you, I always like to hold your hand. Maybe, long hugs will help too?"

Your heart really jumps out to him as you see the gentle expression on his face.

"I'd love to, Tech."

After a brief pause, he asks, "How are you feeling now?"

"Much better."

He raises his brows and asks, "Are you sure? Maybe we should try a hug just to test if it works"

You smile, having to suppress a grin.

"Now that you mention it, maybe we really should."

He moves closer, letting go of your hand. A bit over-cautious and awkward, he puts first one then the other arm around you. But as you lean against him, his embrace naturally adjusts to your posture.

"That's good," he says, "I mean, that should certainly help."

You grin contentedly to yourself, all at once very happy, at least for the moment.

"That's really very good, Tech"

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

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[trancylovecraft]

(KNY) YANDERE PLATONIC! KOKUSHIBO x SISTER READER: You, Shibou. I, Kokoro (CHAPTER EIGHT)

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CHAPTER EIGHT: "You’re scaring us and all of us, some of us love you Achilles, it’s not much but there’s proof"

Trauma from growing up too fast is rather severe, Causes of this can include homelessness, Parental Abuse, ETC.

Symptoms can include the belief that you need to always be strong and are disconnected from your needs, Believing that you cannot ask for help being isolated and distrustful.

It is very hard for the person to express their needs to another person, Even sometimes having trouble recognising that they have needs.

Her feet brushed against the thin wood of her sandals. Pushing in her toes she fastened the tie over them. Tapping the heel once she deemed it was steady and stood up.

Rubbing her eyes, [F/N] yawned as she stretched. The sleep rolling off her muscles as she groggily dragged her feet over to the closet. Despite having a good few hours of rest, She still felt tired.

The darkness of the room was barely an afterthought as she lumbered over to the closet and stood in front of it. The old wood coupled with splinters wasn't a bother either, The entire room that felt so foreign faded into an unwillingly familiar terrain.

Opening up the old closet door with a creek she was greeted with the row of kimono's and other accessories organised neatly inside. She sighed, They were new and exactly her size. Her fingers itched, How he knew her measurements exceeded her.

It had been a good few days since her encounter with Akaza, Or at least she thinks so. There was no clock to tell the time or anything that could even signal day or night. Everything was dark constantly, Her best estimate on the time was that she had fallen asleep sixteen times. A number she tallied onto the wall beside her futon.

After her talk with him she recalled the very next 'morning' what he did. It was weird to say the least, Why were all the demon's she encountered thus far been so strange?

At first it was just the fact he didn't raise a hand against women, Sure that was a bit odd on its own but it was ignorable if not irritating. But then it was when he escorted her back to bed when she was in pain was when his irregularity was glaringly obvious.

Demons don't show kindness, They don't. That's what [F/N] had been telling herself all this time, For all her life. Though she never had any feelings towards demons as a whole she recognised their behaviour.

Everything was weird, And she needed to accept that.

[F/N] didn't know what it was, It was probably what Akaza said that day. She was pathetic, She tried to escape once then gave up. That's what he said, At the time she had felt insulted and exposed. Like she was dropped naked into freezing water, It was uncomfortable and it made her mad.

But with the time she had to mull over his words she had came to the conclusion that yes, He was right.

Even though she had only tried once within the two day timeframe it was the days afterwards that really proved him right. [F/N] had tried running again, Putting a single foot onto the old docks before getting cold feet and backing out.

All this time she had been rotting away in her hopelessness, A dull feeling of weakness and vulnerability. She had focused on her sorrow so much that she couldn't even fathom the idea of finding another escape route.

She had to press her hands up against the molding wood at one point, Pushing her forehead against it and ignoring the splinters.

[F/N] had to breathe in and out, Confirming the bark was corporeal to the touch.

[F/N] was here. She was here and she needed to accept that.

[F/N] had no time to focus on how she felt right now, Her feelings don't matter. Cry later when you're out of here, Your emotions won't help you survive. Will they?

She bit her tongue and the way she sifted through the various kimono's grew a bit more focused. Akaza had helped her on that front too, This was the first time in ages she had actually decided to change out of her jinbei and into actual day clothes.

Though she hadn't showered, Something she was in dire need of with her greasy hair and sweat pressed skin. [F/N] would need to see if there was still a communal bathing place here, Hoping it wasn't taken out of the modifications Kokushibo made.

Kokushibo, Right.

He had arrived back to the shrine after being called by that man. [F/N] had been waiting on the edge of her seat (Or in this case, Futon) for the news. Would she be killed? Would she be tortured for information? The possibilities for what could of happened went awry in her mind.

Though nothing ever came of it. The next time she saw him was when he dropped off another bowl of soba on her vanity, He had said a curt hello before leaving. It was cold, She figured he was sticking to his promise of 'No affection' and to her he was doing it perfectly.

[F/N] figured that she was safe, It was nothing to worry about. He was probably just called for some routine Uppermoon Business, Or whatever that could be. Muzan probably didn't know she was here, If he did he would of been here to get information out of her by now.

After that Kokushibo had been very hands off, [F/N] found out that he had a sort of schedule where he'd be present in the shrine for a few hours before leaving for another good few.

[F/N] had assumed that was her sign of night and day. Kokushibo would leave at night and return in the mornings just to escape the sun. While he was here he didn't speak to her much, Keeping to his promise.

The most interaction they had was the meals he delivered to her. Breakfasts tending to be bowls of rice and miso soup, Lunches often being steamed vegetables and dinner being some kind of fish that he had caught.

Most of the time they ended up not being touched. Little nibbles here or there before [F/N] started to become full, Proceeding to abandon the dish in favour of searching around the shrine.

Apart from that she only caught him in passing down the hallways, They made no move to speak but his eyes always shifted to her. Examining and scrutinizing her, Looking like a judge to a convict all before they finally passed by and went on their own paths.

[F/N] shivered afterwards, Every time he was out of sight she'd sigh and continue on trying to forget the burning gaze he held. She often wondered what his game-plan was.

Was he trying to deprive her of social interaction? If so then it wouldn't work, She didn't want to speak to him. [F/N] didn't need social interaction, Not at all, Not in the slightest.

That's what she would like to think. In truth she felt words choke up her throat, Words wanting to spill out whenever she passed him.

Humans by nature were social creatures, She was no exception. Even though [F/N] was particularly anti-social in personality she did require interaction which often came from the Kakushi or her colleagues back home.

Now it was just him and her, The only source of communication. Well, Him, Her and Akaza that is.

He often arrived in the shrine when Kokushibo left, It seems like they rotated in shifts. Whenever Kokushibo left Akaza would be keen on entering, She could tell by the sounds of the poor dummy being punched around again and again in the courtyard.

[F/N] and Akaza didn't talk much either, Mostly because [F/N] didn't see him at all. She didn't wander out into the courtyard, On the rare occasion she did he wasn't there. Bad timing to be accountable.

Though as she finally picked out a kimono. A beautiful white with blue flower patterns brushing against the bottom, Splotches of gold to break it up and a navy obi to tie it all together she was hit with an idea.

Akaza. His behaviour the first time they met, It struck a chord in her. The language, The way he talked and the energy he gave off finally connected together. If she wanted to get out, It wouldn't hurt to gain an ally or two would it?

[F/N] on her own was practically useless. She was feeble and weak which is why she relied on things like weapons and others to keep her raised high. Akaza, The Uppermoon three despite how much she disfavoured his personality was strong and capable.

As she carefully draped the kimono around her shoulders and wrapped the indigo obi around her waist she brewed the thought inside her mind. It was the first step, The one she couldn't take earlier on the dock.

Fixing her oily hair and throwing on her signature haori she walked out of the room, Ready to bargain.

☆♡☆

The sun was rose high, A blinding white within the crystallin blue sapphire surrounding it.

The cool near frosty breeze was an after affect of the leaving winter. Birds awoken from their long sleep sung rhapsodies in the air, The tree's and bushes they sat on were abundant in a healthy basil green.

The entire scene was reminiscent of a Monet painting, Flowers and foliage in bloom. It was beautiful, The Kakushi assigned to take care of it took great patience in trimming and tending to the garden.

Inside the house all the Hashira gathered, At least the one's that were left. The shoji doors opened to let the outside scenery in as they sat together in a rectangular position. The Ubuyashiki estate was rife with life today, Yet the conversation's were dead and the air felt suffocating to be in.

All of the events were a hot topic none of them wanted to talk on. From Rengoku's unfortunate death, Tengen's retirement and the demise of [F/N]. The last time they had met it was on a lighter note, This is the first time they'd all been together since.

Sanemi and Iguro kept their heads down low, Not speaking a word. Despite the wide smile on her face, Shinobu did not tease or try to communicate with Giyuu. Gyomei and Muichiro not talking and keeping to themselves.

Usually at meetings before there would be a higher tone in the air. Tengen would be himself, Talkative and as he would put it: Flashy. Rengoku was always social as well, Always looking out for his teammates.

[F/N] often didn't show up to meetings but when he did he tended to always be in a good mood. While he didn't try to talk and kept quiet he did have his moments with a sarcastic comment, A relaxed conversation and a rare argument with either Sanemi or Iguro.

While he wasn't generally liked or paid attention to, He was still a core member of the team. Not to mention the dynamic he had with Mitsuri, The two were often inseparable and when Mitsuri was around it was only her who could bring out a charismatic and laid-back side of him.

Mitsuri, She hadn't shown up yet. It was strange but it wasn't unexpected. All of the Hashira had heard about her state from both Iguro and Shinobu, The way she appeared the last time they met and the breakdown was all accounted for.

The story they had told back then was gut-wrenching. The state she was in, The rut she called a bed and one she couldn't get out of.

Though they had told it in such detail both Shinobu and Iguro had agreed afterwards to leave some particular details out. Example being the way in which he died as well as the note.

Mitsuri was also a prime member of the tone, Her bubbly nature was infectious and could reach the heart of basically anyone. Her prescence missing was like a lost limb to the attitude, She was often one of the first that arrived.

They hoped while the master was still absent that she would return, In what state however… They had decided to wait on her, It was only right. While the majority didn't expect much, Shinobu's intuition had been telling her otherwise. A gut feeling proven right once the unnaturally loud sound of sliding shoji door's fed into the room.

A sudden jolt of noise. Everyone's head snapped round in a single motion, All in tandem. It was a noise that broke them all out of their own thoughts and theories to drag their eyes up to Mitsuri standing straight in the doorframe.

"Good morning everyone!" Mitsuri greeted. Wide smile stretching ear to ear to show off her pearly whites. Her eyes contained a bright shine inside of them, Swirling around like fish in a pound with her cheeks flushed with a burning blush.

If the silence wasn't static before it certainly was now, Eyes widening and shock coursing throughout their systems at the sight of her.

Mitsuri by all means was looking better than ever. Her hair was well washed and perfectly tied into her tri-braids, Her skin was as clear as her glassy shamrock eyes. Her uniform tidy and neat with her haori like dove feathers completely spotless.

She looked amazing, Revitalized like the first snow in winter or the blossom of cherries in the spring. Her entire energy radiated like the sun and glowed so bright, And that was why it was so striking. So contrasting to the dowry mood in the room.

"Sorry I'm late! Ah, It's really embarrassing but I had to stop by to get a snack or two. The vendor made it sound so appetising and- Kyah~! I just couldn't resist!" Mitsuri squealed. Fanning her burning cheeks.

She pranced over to an empty seat on the tatami mat, Completely oblivious to the looks and the suffocating air in the room. Mitsuri quickly plopped down onto the seat and sat cross-legged while humming a tiny tune.

The rest of The Hashira sat in a stunned silence. They thought when she arrived, If at all, She would appear washed up. From the recount of Shinobu and Iguro they expected a deep frown, Messy hair and ragged uniform. Even without the tale they expected as such.

But seeing her so.. Upbeat was concerning. The only Hashira in the room not to appear as such was Shinobu, Already aware of the reason yet kept quiet, Believing that it wasn't her story to tell.

"Erm.. Kanroji-san?" Iguro decided to speak up first. His voice hesitant and slow as if she was a ticking explosive, Ready to detonate any moment as he eyed her up and down. Checking for any cracks.

"Yes, Obanai-san?" Mitsuri replied. Pep in her voice as she looked over to him with that same gleam. It was the one she use to wear regular, It was the one she had lost when he saw her last.

"Are you.. Are you okay?" Iguro asked. Kabamaru circled round his neck once and peaked out from behind his choppy mop of hair, Curious and concerned for the girl sitting only a few feet away from them.

Mitsuri's smile grew wider.

"I feel amazing, Oh-" Mitsuri paused, Smile dropping slightly "If this is about last time then I'm really sorry, I shouldn't of spoke to you like that and I am so so sorry!" Mitsuri bowed down low in a near comical motion, Genuine regret bouncing off her tone as she did.

Gyomei's beads rattled, The tears flowing down his cheeks shown his tone once he decided to speak up.

"Kanroji-san.. I do believe that is not what we are worried about here. I understand you and Fujimori-san were close, So your happy voice is a bit.. Jarring." Gyomei spoke in a lamenting tone, His voice was as big as him as he spoke.

"It's a tragedy.. Fujimori-san had planned on retiring and he was killed only a few days before. It makes my heart wretch.. A poor man he was, But strong and respectable.." Gyomei said.

His brows furrowed slightly. Him and [F/N], The tension that they carried felt so faraway now. They never got along, Had opposing views and philosophies. They never agreed on anything yet Gyomei had always held honour and care for his colleagues.

Gyomei regretted his words, The last conversation they had didn't end in a good note. He had tried calling him out on his behaviour towards being a Hashira, Gyomei admits he was rather harsh.

Back then he had gotten in a fight with his former child, Kaigaku. He felt weakness course through him, Gyomei couldn't bring himself to behead the boy even though he knew it was for the best. Choosing to only assist from the side-lines, The shock on knowing what he had become was too much.

His frown deepened. If he only took charge and gave him the merciful kill he would've been able to get back to the shrine and assist [F/N], Maybe then he wouldn't of been killed and that thought ravaged his mind everyday on.

Mitsuri raised her head, Reverting back to her original position. She looked over to Gyomei, She was unaverred along with her smile.

"I'm not sad, Himejima-san. Not anymore. I'm guessing from your reaction that Shinobu-san didn't tell you what really happened" Mitsuri inquired, Situation only catching on now.

"Correct, I didn't think it was my place to say." Shinobu answered for him. Nodding slightly with that ever-present smile only dimming slightly by the mention of the events. Mitsuri nodded back in confirmation.

Sanemi decided to speak, Raising a non-existent eyebrow.

"Events? The hell you talkin' bout." He chimed in, Gruff and semi-aggressive tone finally showing itself in response to the hint of information. The out of line tone he wore seemed to break the suffocation if only a little bit.

"Shinazugawa-san.. Please, This isn't a time to be informal.." Giyuu pipped up though was instantly shot a look at by Sanemi, One that made Giyuu look away. Stoic expression still on his face.

Even though he wanted to, Sanemi didn't speak again.

The silence set in once more and Mitsuri decided to take the chance. It needed to be said, They needed to know what happened.

"..Well, If I'm being honest with you all.. The events back at the shrine didn't go exactly as it did in the report." Mitsuri started. Even though her words were serious they were said with such a light-hearted tone that made them seem so small.

"Why would the report lie..?" Muichiro pondered softly, The first comment he contributed was with dull eyes and a cloudy expression.

"It didn't exactly lie, Most of what happened was true however there were some bits that are wrong due to.. Withheld information." Mitsuri explained, Turning her head over to the young boy.

"Withheld information?" Gyomei inquired, Rattling the beads once more.

"Yeah, The information that I failed to provide was the way [F-.. Right, Should probably clarify first.." Mitsuri cleared her throat, Turning to the rest of the room. Shinobu looked back at Mitsuri, Ready to jump in if needed.

"Before I say the important piece of information.. I need to say that [F/N], The head shrine maiden at the Kakushi base and Fujimori-san are the same person." Mitsuri announced.

Eyes widened, Heads tilted and frowns deepened. The new knowledge being a shock. They wanted to speak, Question the impossible new knowledge. The two looked and acted completely different.

One was jovial and relaxed, Tended to forget his duties as a slayer and was generally unserious. The other was a hard-working associate of the Ubuyashiki family, One that never seemed to crack a smile and kept quiet.

They wanted to question it, But Mitsuri wasn't finished.

"Before you say anything! Please let me finish before you ask questions." Mitsuri butted in. The questions dying at the tongue and kept back by the closing of the jaw. Sanemi and Gyomei were confused, Giyuu and Iguro were curious. Iguro especially since he thought them being the same was the only piece of information she had.

Mitsuri gripped the edge of her skirt.

"The information I wanted to give you was about the way [F/N]-san died. While your report was correct on the part that she was killed by a demon.. The truth is.." Mitsuri trailed off, Taking a deep breath in.

"[F/N] killed herself."

The rattling of beads stopped.

Heads snapped back around. Eyes expanded to that of like saucers and jaws dropped open. Shinobu looked back at Mitsuri and nodded in encouragement as the entire room fell to a dead silence.

The entire reaction was a mixed bag. Sanemi's expression for the first time turned blank, No sign of aggression or emotion.. Just.. Nothing. A rare visage he never wore but now was displayed entirely.

Giyuu's lips parted. Eyelids rising at the last word spoken.

Iguro's calm expression he had before winced slightly.

Gyomei didn't speak, Nor made any motion to move. Though he had been compared before, His likeness to that of a statue now was uncanny. None of his muscles moving an inch.

"Killed.. Herself?" Muichiro muttered. The only indifference he showed now was the slight lowering of his eyebrows and the misty sapphire in his eyes start to part. He spoke as if testing the words on his tongue, A foreign concept, One completely unheard of.

Before Mitsuri could answer, Another voice butted in.

"What are you tryin' to feed me here? First your saying Fujimori-san was [F/N], Then you're telling us that he killed himself?! Bull. Shit!" Sanemi snapped, The baring of his teeth and his slowly rising figure was enough to show that.

"Shinazugawa-san, Please sit down." Shinobu called out as she watched the man get to his feet, Not bothering to look back at her as his eyes were stabbing straight into Mitsuri who didn't falter once.

"Fujimori-san was a rat bastard, I'll give you that. But him killing himself? You've got to be joking. Even if he did for what reason would he even do it? For fucks sake the man did this job for the fun of it. He had no fucking worries at all so why?!" Sanemi snapped.

His anger was unprecedented, It was unexpected too. Of all people she expected him to shrug it off like he usually did, Toss his head to the side and huff as if the act [F/N] did was simply nothing.

Instead he stood as if he was about to throw a punch, A fighting stance bracing for impact at the same time. His teeth were gnarled and his usual eyes that held a crazy look in them seemed tenfold now.

"Shinazugawa-san, Sit down.." Gyomei's voice cut through the rapidly building tension in the room. His voice echoed and was authoritative, Not unlike that of a disappointed father.

Sanemi turned around to face Gyomei, His stance still wide and strong yet it dimmed under the older man's presence.

"Kanroji-san has not finished.. Sit down and we'll discuss this afterwards." Gyomei rumbled. Still in his position, Unwavering and strong.

Sanemi hesitated, Looking at the man once before taking a step back. He turned back once more to Mitsuri before stomping off back to his seat and promptly sitting down, Anger dissipated as his head hung low. Waiting for the next few words.

"Thank you, Himejima-san.." Mitsuri nodded towards him in gratitude. "So, I understand how this can be a bit unbelievable, I know.. I was like that too.."

Mitsuri's hand traced the edge of her thick vanilla haori before snaking inside. Fishing around before reeling back and presenting a folded piece of paper, Raising it up high to display to the entire room. Brows were raised at the piece of paper, Faces contorted into all sorts.

"Kanroji-san.. That's not what I think it is. Right?" Giyuu spoke up, Eyes locked on to the fibre caressed between the girl's fingers. Giyuu was the first to realise, The only one to point it out before she did.

"Yes. This right here is the proof you need, This is [F/N]'s suicide note. Her last words spoken.. Or.. Written down." Mitsuri announced. Determination burned within the clover ocean of her eyes, Shine on the sea's surface glistened like foam.

"A.. A suicide note? Fujimori-san wrote a note.." Muichiro repeated slowly, Seeming contemplating over the words now revealed to them.

He wasn't alone, The entire room's eyes were dead set on Mitsuri. No one made a move to speak. People like Sanemi or Iguro only looked at her like she had three heads. Muichiro, Giyuu and Gyomei's expressions were simply blank and focused while Shinobu just wore her usual smile.

Mitsuri unfolded the paper. The rustling of the flaps coming undone seemed so loud, Ringing like deafening church bells within the confines of the room.

She brought the final piece back down, Levelling it with her eyes. Taking a deep breath, Mitsuri inhaled.

All before her lips parted and she began to speak.

☆♡☆

SLAM!

The back of the patchwork dummy hit the courtyard walls with force that made the old structure shake.

It dropped down to the floor, Bits of stuffing surrounding it once more. Akaza stood only about a metre away, Panting, Out of breath from his non-stop attack. It had been going on for so long that even a demon such as him felt tired, An oddity.

He leaned back up from his hunched position. Beads of sweat rolled down his forehead and the rest of his body was basically drenched in the stuff, Staining patches into his sleeveless haori.

The warmth of the courtyard contributed to that, The only place with any semblance of heat within this cold hell of a shrine. Despite being a dull and dreary nightmare it was the only place that had any sort of privacy within the infinity castle.

Stalking over slowly to the defeated ragdoll he reached down, Picking it up by its left shoulder and setting it back in place. The ragdoll swivelled around a little before he stepped back to prepare once again, Raising his fists.

To perfect his form, That's why he did this. To crease over any little crack and imperfection in his technique. What position of his hand can make it fly back the furthest? How fast can he throw a punch?

The dummy sufficed to practice on his surface level form. It was an inanimate object in the shape of a person, One that stayed still and let him do as he pleased.

And that's why it was so annoying to him.

Akaza lowered his fists, The expression of fire burning bright and ready to fight died out on his face. It was useless. It didn't matter, This wasn't a human being or a strong Hashira to fight.

Akaza 'tched and turned around away from the thing. A Hashira was strong, Powerful. A Hashira could fight back and read his attacks, They could provide the right information to him, Ways to get stronger. To hone his technique and reach perfection.

He was at a point where he was weaker than both Uppermoon one and two, A fact that made him grit his teeth and clench his fists. But he was way stronger than any of the late moons below him.

He was in the middle, He was average. He was Uppermoon three out of six.

It was a limbo he couldn't escape. One he had tried several times and why he had tried to convince so many Hashira to turn and become a demon. They provided the information, When they fought Akaza could feel himself grow stronger. It was powerful, Invigorating even.

But they never accepted his offer, One to fight and spar forever. To grow stronger together, To climb the ranks and become the strongest of all. It irked him to no end, He didn't understand. Why wouldn't they want to accept?

He had no clue. To him it sounded like an offer of a lifetime, So tantalizingly wonderful and irresistible.

Whatever, He thought. Maybe they weren't so strong after all, He shouldn't waste his time on weaklings.

Akaza started to walk away, Plagiarised confidence from his usual stance as his steps echoed throughout the courtyard. Passing by the centrepiece tree and heading towards one of the exits.

He pushed the doors open and quickly walked through. The dummy was basically useless now, It was old and ruined after years of torture from him. It didn't bring him the same skill that it use to.

The coldness of the shrine halls started to fade in and the warmth from the core of the courtyard faded out. The chill running down his spine and seeping into the fibre of his muscle as he walked.

He huffed. Passing by tapestries depicting dragons of old, Yokai and Kitsune all dancing within the threads. Disgusting, He figured that he shouldn't be here anymore. Maybe if he went out again he could find another Hashira to fight.

One that this time was str-

"Hey."

A voice called out from behind him.

His eyes narrowed in annoyance. Despite the voice only being heard a couple of select times, It was one he recognised.

Akaza cocked his head round to the side, Golden irises and ink stained kanji glaring into the form of the girl. She was leaning up against the doorway he had just left, Only capable of going unnoticed due to her lack of fighting spirit.

"What do you want?" He answered back. His voice like the edge of a cutting blade and piercing into her like one too. Yet it drew no blood, Her expression was stone and it looked like it was enticed by him.

[F/N] pushed herself up from the rickety doorframe and stood in her stance. Arms folded over her chest and her legs planted onto the ground. She had a sort of sly smile playing on the corners of her mouth when she stared at him.

"I've came to speak to you. About the other day and a few more things." She replied casually as if discussing the weather, As if she wasn't in the midst of pandemonium. The place of all demons. Akaza blew air through his nose.

"There's nothing to speak about. You were injured, I only did it because you would've told Upper one about my presence here if I left you there." Akaza responded. Irritated as to why she was here.

"I mean, Maybe. But even so you didn't have to change my bandages, That was something you did on your own." [F/N] said, Taking a few steps towards him as if sizing him up. Akaza rolled his eyes.

"What are you trying to imply here?" He asked, Taking a few steps more in return to her. They were only a few feet apart now, Staring each other down like a western frontier stand-off.

"I'm implying nothing. I'm just saying what you did outright… And thanks, By the way.." [F/N] said, The last part of her sentence was mumbled but Akaza picked it up alright. He scoffed and tossed his head to the side.

"If you're just here to thank me then get lost. I'm busy and I don't have time to talk with the likes of you." Akaza scolded. Swiftly spinning around he began to march away, Quicker than a usual stride or stroll as he wanted to leave immediately.

Staying out of this is for the best. Akaza didn't want to get wrapped up in whatever kind of relationship she was involved in with Kokushibo, She meant bad news and she looked it too. He had better things to do, People to fight, Ways to get stronger.

"Wait, Wait, Wait!" Akaza heard her voice behind him, It seemed a little more desperate and surprised attempt to get him to stay compared to the cocky and tough exterior she sported. It was a crack in her porcelain, Something that made Akaza stop in his tracks.

"What? What do you want, I told you to get lost so beat it." Akaza responded more assertively, Eyebrows furrowing into a scowl as he turned back around to face her. Whose expression was that of a surprised kid.

"Seriously, I don-"

"You hate Kokushibo, Don't you?" [F/N] quickly butted in. Her agape jaw closed and curled up into a sly smile as she watched Akaza's broken glass eyes widen in shock. Bingo, She was correct. Her gut feeling was right.

"..Huh? How did you.." He mumbled half to himself.

"You hate Kokushibo, Right? I mean don't get me wrong, I do too." [F/N] confirmed, A soft chuckle lacing the end of her sentence. Her eyes glimmered under the aquamarine reflections, White sparkles that seemed to look right through Akaza.

[F/N] smiled. Her bet paid off. Before she wasn't quite sure, But she decided to take a risk and say it bluntly and lo and behold, Her bet paid off. For the past few days she had been thinking over her previous interaction with him, Every little moment, Picking up just the little details.

She was ticked off by the way he said his name, That's the catalyst. The way it dripped with venom and burned like a wildfire was something she could feel straight from the tap. Once she realised that she started to piece it together.

The next part that helped was the way he spoke about strength while being Upper three. He valued it more than anything and most of all he trained non-stop while he was here, He wanted to get stronger.

Not to mention the report at the Mugen Train incident. The conversation and description of him provided testament to that. Alone they meant nothing, But together they gave her a key to the lock. Akaza hated Kokushibo.

And that was something [F/N] was going to use to her full advantage.

"Yeah.. I do. He's a prick but so what if I hate the bastard?" Akaza spat out, Nose scrunching up at the mention of him. "What does it mean to you?"

[F/N] hummed a little, Pacing once or twice to the side while thinking over her words. Ones that she had been rehearsing in her head while searching for him, Making sure it was just right as she spoke.

"Well me and you. Let's be honest here, We are absolutely nothing alike for well.. Obvious reasons." [F/N] drawled, Nodding towards his general figure as she took a step towards him.

"But. We both here hate Kokushibo, That's what we have in common. I'm saying that we make a sort of.. Deal." [F/N] stumbled trying to find the right word to call what she was proposing. Akaza gawked at her, Whatever he had been expecting it was not that.

A disbelieving, Mean smile crept up on his face as he shook his head.

"No, Absolutely not. I don't know why you're here but if you were taken by Kokushibo then there must be a good reason for it, I'm not getting involved." Akaza said, Speaking his name with such acidity that she thought wisteria was in the air.

"I told you, I am not getting you out of here. Whatever relation you have to Kokushibo I want absolutely no part of and getting you out of here is off the table, Even being here with you right now is a risk. Besides.. What could you possibly offer me?" Akaza found it pitifully funny as he laughed through his frown.

[F/N]'s small smile dropped, A voice ringing in her head.

Do what you can to survive.

"What can I offer you? How about Kokushibo's head?"

Akaza stilled.

As soon as the words registered in his mind his body went rigid like a wooden board. His frown tightened and froze like water. What? What did she say? His eyes rose to meet hers, Unbelieving and shocked.

"What.. What do you mean?" Akaza asked slowly.

And just like that he had taken the bait. [F/N] felt slightly weighed down under his gaze, At any moment this could go wrong and her chance of escape would be lost. She needed to reel him in slowly, He suspected nothing.

[F/N] shrugs her shoulders.

"I'm his sister, He tells me everything you know. It just so happens that I also know his weakness and if you assist me then I'll gladly tell it to you. It's his Achilles heel, You find it out and he goes down." [F/N] trailed off, Holding back a gag once she referred to herself as his sister.

She was lying through her teeth. A practiced skill she had to learn quickly growing up, One that she never exceled at yet was good enough to get by. [F/N] never liked doing it, Especially when it meant calling herself his sister and the severe consequences that could happen if she was caught.

Akaza's lips parted, Eyes rising along with them as he heard her offer. It was unexpected, How could she have any idea what his so called 'Achilles heel' was? Could she be tricking him? Was this a lie? It was impossible to tell without a fighting spirit.

"How.. But.. You hate him, How could you know that?" Akaza rebutted. He seemed annoyed and unfocused before but now his attention was fully on her, Eyeing her up and down like a voracious hawk and ready to dig in with his claws.

[F/N] half-heartedly snorted.

"Well, Yeah. I hate him but that doesn't mean he hates me, Now does it? He may or may not let it slip during our conversations" She replied with a worn poker face, Staring him straight in the eye to meet the bird-of-prey gaze he returned with.

Akaza's eyes lowered.

"How do I know you're not lying to me.. What reason can you give?" Akaza queried. The question of the century. [F/N] had to calm her breathing like her training had always taught her to, She shallowly breathed in.

"I don't have any reason to give you, Only my word. But if you don't want to know then it's fine, Feel free to go back to the training dummy" [F/N] remarked, Shrugging her shoulders. Once it left her mouth she bit her tongue.

It felt nasty to lie, It was an old habit she had tried to get rid of but it reared its ugly head once more under the threat of eternal confinement. Whatever, She thought. It wasn't as if she could stoop any lower, Besides she needed it to survive.

Akaza scoffed. Half in disbelief and the other at the sheer audacity she had to offer this without any proof of reward to him. He would of insulted her, Told her off for doing such a ballsy move. But as he went to speak he couldn't find the words, None which he wanted to say anyways.

He turned around, A single palm hitting his forehead as he stared up towards the ceiling.

"Then why on earth would I agree to that?!" Akaza exasperated. [F/N] shrugged.

"Because you want to kill Kokushibo" She replied so casually that it caught him off guard. She said it with such disregard, It felt so wrong yet so enticing at the same time to Akaza.

It brought him back to their duel. Kokushibo knocking him down, The fight didn't even last five minutes. Akaza recalled how he had lain there while the executioner stalked up to him, Shadow casting over him as he stared down at his defeated form.

He stood like an emperor over him. Lectured him with a voice that silenced the entire room while his limbs could barely even regenerate. And to top it of he didn't even absorb him, Letting him rot another day.

Akaza hated him. He despised him, Every fibre of his muscles begged to destroy him. Every inch wanted to utterly annihilate him by any means necessary. He was so helpless like an injured animal yet wanted to fight back like a cornered beast.

He wanted to be the strongest, Any means necessary. Which is why his lip shook and his eyes lost focus, Contemplating the words proposed to him.

His mouth opened.

"Still.. Even if I do agree.. If I let you escape there'll be a target on my head, Possibly not even from just Kokushibo anymore.." Akaza replied and he was right. Kokushibo as loyal as he is would not hide away information from that man. If she was here then it was very possible that he was aware and let it happen for some unknown reason.

Letting her escape would be a death sentence.

"I'm not asking you to get me out of here, I'm just asking for your assistance. Just a bit of information and maybe you sneak me in a few items here and there, That's all I ask for and once I escape on my own I'll provide the information." [F/N] explained.

Akaza went silent once her proposition finished. He stood there now looking down at the floor, Arms limp at his sides. Slowly enough however, His fingers started to curl into a fist. Veins popping out from the sheer force as his knuckles cracked.

The only thing he could see was his face appear as a spectre in his mind. He knew what he had to do.

"..That's all?" It came out as a small whisper yet held so much weight that the air around them both shifted.

[F/N] nodded.

"That's all." She confirmed. Her right arm stretched out, It raised from its side and positioned itself in a uncompleted handshake. Her eyes narrowed as the fishing line seemed to tug, A bite she needed to reel in.

Akaza chuckled, A quiet and cruel sound as he shook his head.

"I can't believe I'm doing this.." He muttered. His hand reached out to meet hers, His cold dead fingers grasping onto hers in a now completed handshake. They shook once, Then twice. A firm hold from both sides.

The ceremony had been complete, The deal had been made.

"Ditto. If you told me I was here right now a few months ago.. I'd tell you you're insane." She joked-half heartedly. The warmth of her hand slipping from his icy grip as soon as the deal was finished. Akaza huffed.

"Listen. I don't want to be friends with you nor do I want to spend more time then I need to. I don't want to get personal. We're only here on transactional means, Got it?" Akaza said with his returning composure.

"Oh trust me. I'm not betting on anything happening between us." [F/N] replied. A sort of understanding growing between them, One not built on trust nor was it on respect of any kind. Instead it was mutual gain.

Or mutual for him anyways, [F/N] still had no idea how she was gonna explain it to him.

"So? Did you want any knowledge right now or did you just make some weird pact for future reference?" Akaza asked. But as soon as he did the small smirk on [F/N]'s face stiffened then softened into a frown, One that strangely enough fit perfectly on her.

"..This is a deal. Not a pact." [F/N] stated, Her voice was frosty and colder than their surroundings. Her body growing irrationally rigid at the simple word, Eyes lowering as her shoulders raised. Guard getting back up.

"What? It's just word choice" Akaza responded, Tilting his head to the side only slightly as he eyed her new behaviour up and down.

"Yeah, Well.. It's a deal so I'd rather just use the right terminology. This isn't a pact, Promise, Oath or vow of any kind.." [F/N] trailed off, Eyes wandering to some obscure part of the room. Akaza hummed.

"What do you have against the word 'pact'?" He asked, An off-handed and disinterested question on the surface yet a tinge of curiosity lingered on the implications.

[F/N] huffed.

"I thought you said this wasn't meant to be personal?" She rebutted.

Akaza paused.

"..Touché" He said after a while.

"Well anyways.. I don't need anything right now, However I'll search you out once I do. So.. Keep coming here to train or whatever else you do here, I'll be in touch." [F/N] spoke, Turning around with a flip of her kimono and starting to pace off down the old hallway.

Akaza watched as she went, Listening to the clacks of her sandals and the way she moved like the undead. He didn't need her to have a fighting spirit to tell she was unsure of her actions as she trodden away.

He grimaced, Something she didn't notice as she finally spun round the corner disappearing on sight. He should of been happy, Excited even. A possible way of defeating the person standing in his way to become the strongest.

His elation should of been sky high yet the implications and the dangers of what he got himself into weighed him down. If he got caught then what would happen? Kokushibo from what Akaza heard was attached to her, Assumedly more.. Obsessive than most relations.

Though that was somewhat normal for a demon, Akaza couldn't help but wonder why. He shook his head, If he got caught while doing this then a gut feeling told him he didn't think Kokushibo would spare him this time.

He didn't want to be involved, He really didn't. But now that he was dragged in by the ankles and enticed by the heart he knew that he needed to get serious, Akaza needed a game plan. A way to keep this on the downlow, A way to reap the benefits.

Akaza snorted at the thought. How he was going to do that was up to him and him alone now, All he needed to do was gather items and provide information. That was all.

Akaza groaned and turned around now, Back showing to her empty space as he marched off down the hallway. Contemplating his new situation.

☆♡☆

"To Mitsuri, My dearest friend."

The high-pitched voice of the woman was now dim and serious. The room was completely silent around her as she spoke, The lilt in her voice wasn't sad nor was it anything that fit such a despondent and heart-wrenching situation. It was uncanny as the rest looked out to her.

No one dared to interrupt her announcement of the note. Mitsuri held it out in front of her as she read, All of their faces sombre and dowry under the soft morning light. A stark contrast to the dark and dreary feeling of the room.

"This probably isn't the letter you wanted from me, I know that and I've tried to make it better so it won't hurt as much."

The first verse in the letter. At the end of it the entire room's doubts were stomped down into the ground like an insect. They had questioned the validity of his suicide, Wondered why someone like him.. Or, Her now could do something like this.

Sanemi's lips pressed tight together, Eyes fixed onto the tatami mat below him as his head was hung low. Ears perked up and listening to every little word Mitsuri spoke. Fujimori.. To think he was [F/N] this entire time.

He remembered his actions, The shoves or the way he spoke.. He tried not to remember as he listened on.

"First off this isn't your fault, It's not at all. I've been feeling this way for as long as I can remember and I've tried and tried to find a way to feel something else other than monotony or subservience. Sake and such. but nothing has ever worked for me. Whether I found someone strong enough to kill me or that I finally found the gut's to do it myself. I want you to know I did it I did on my on volition. I chose this, You have nothing to feel bad over."

Nothing to feel bad over, A hope smoking up from a pipe dream. Mitsuri sat there so stoic and as stone faced as she could while the rest of the room was absolutely shocked to their core.

Iguro suddenly recalled back to the times he had insulted [F/N]. The times where he called him "A Sad Excuse of a Hashira" or other descripting words depicting him as lazy or cocky, One's he had said with such hate and ire as he spoke. Those memories bit into him like a viper and left him with a venomous guilt, Festering up like a poison as he remembered.

[F/N] always seemed to shake those words off at the time, Cocked his head and laughed but as they kept coming back to him Iguro wondered how many of his words stuck, How many left an impression.

He never had a good relationship with her. But Iguro wondered that if he hadn't said such things then maybe..

"Life just isn't worth living for me. I remember getting asked a short while ago what my purpose in life was, What my motivation was. It ate away at me for a while trying to find an answer. But In truth I have none except for protect those I hold dearest to me, Yet once I found out that my single motive became obsolete I now realise that what we call a reason to live is also an excellent reason to die."

Gyomei's eyes lowered. His face didn't make any movements but the tears in his eyes flowed down like fountains, The beads he rattled on at were dead still. He recognised what she meant in the letter, She was referencing what he had asked her.

Out in the snow, Gyomei had asked her what her motivation was. He had been harsh and brass only seeing him as lacking in her duties. He saw it as his way of questioning her decision to retire, A way to try and motivate her.

But he heard the words on the paper. The melancholy truth radiating inside him, [F/N] did her job for so long because she wanted to die. To try and find someone that could finally kill her, Her only motivation or point of existence was to end it.

It was heart-breaking, He shouldn't of been so harsh. Whatever motivation she spoke about became nothing but flakes in the blizzard as he listened on.

"I'm living a lie, Everyday I go to work as someone I'm not because of myself. It's pathetic. There isn't any meaning, I'm sorry for saying this but as these are my last words I feel like it's necessary."

Giyuu's lips curled into a deep frown, A bead of cold sweat rolling down the side of his forehead. The words on the note wasn't his but yet it resonated deep within him, He understood her words.

It was the hopeless feeling of impostor syndrome, One he had become so familiar with himself. It was the feeling of a large crowd cheering you on yet you did nothing to please them, A stolen joke told to their amusement.

He understood. The unworthy acclaim, The unjust attention. It was a sentiment he knew well so it only hit harder once she spoke again.

"The truth is its you. You were the only thing that made me feel like I had a family, Like I had my childhood, Like I was a normal person for once in my stupid little life. I adore you, Tsuri. I really do."

Mitsuri tried to hold her face as steady as possible. Her lip never quivered nor did her fingers shake while holding the paper. But even with knowing [F/N] was alive it felt hard to hold back the tears.

Her voice shook for only a second yet she settled it just as quick. She needed to get through the bad before she could speak the good. She decided to skip over a few parts however, Deciding that would be only for her to see.

Breathing in and out she continued.

"Please don't feel sad over me, I don't want that. I love you so so much and I know you probably don't feel the same. I'm sorry you had to put up with me, You deserved a better friend than me."

Muichiro's gaze was as cloudy as ever, Yet the mist that swirled around resembled more of a thunderstorm than it did an overcast day. He was never one to listen or focus at all yet the way his crystal blue focused in on the older woman made it clear he was very well interested.

[F/N], He never paid any attention to her at all. He never sought her out and usually ignored him however there were times they interacted, A head pat or a ruffle of his hair. A compliment on his sword skills or just a simple nod in the hallways.

It made him frown, He wouldn't get those small interactions again. He never felt much of anything but a small singe rose up in his chest. It.. It didn't make him feel good.

"If Shizuko ever finds out the truth, Tell him his big sister is sorry she couldn't be there for him and that I'm so proud of him for becoming a slayer."

Gyomei's eyelids rose, A sharp shock hitting him like a taser.

Shizuko, His Tsuguko.

It didn't make sense. His breath hitched in his lungs as he brought his head around to the focal point of the voice. Shizuko.. He was..?

"-[F/N] Fujimori"

Mitsuri stopped reading.

She took a deep breath in, The final stroke of ink had been spoken.

Mitsuri felt like she hadn't taken a breath in a long time as she lowered the piece of paper to gather the reactions from the room.

Everyone followed her head motion, All staring at her with unreadable expressions as everything that was read had been said. A melancholy and depressive fall, A sad and lonely final note. One that was unexpected entirely.

Shinobu looked over. The second time she had heard the letter's words as a small yet natural frown found its way on her face.

"Alright then.. That's [F/N]'s final note." Mitsuri said, Carefully folding up the paper of which rustles filled the silent void around her. She snaked it back into the pocket inside her haori, Settling her hands back onto her knee's.

"I.. I didn't know.. I.." Sanemi was the first to speak however his voice wasn't focused on anyone. It was a mindless mumble as his brain tried to process the information, Head shaking in disbelief as a small snarl curled up his lips.

"I can't believe it.. He seemed to be doing alright.. I.." Giyuu chimed in subconciously, Lips tightly pressed together as he scowled softly.

"Kanroji-san.. I'm so sorry." Iguro spoke, His mismatched eyes softening with the rush of guilt coming over him. He wasn't apologising to Mitsuri, He was apologising to [F/N]. His eyes shook and started to show bright specks under the daylight.

"I know, Iguro-san. But you don't need to apologise, Besides.. I'm not done with my news." Mitsuri comforted. Such a warm smile rising up on her face and shone like the sun looking at him.

The entire room raised an eyebrow or shaped a lip. Confusion manifesting onto their visage along with their sorrow.

Mitsuri turned back to the sombre room, Smile reappearing and adjusting back to normal as she spoke once more.

"Thankfully because of new information we've found out that while [F/N] meant to.. Die, The truth is that she didn't actually succeed.. The demon that was meant to kill her was infact Uppermoon one" Mitsuri said once more, Smile growing wider.

"[F/N] wasn't killed, Instead she was kidnapped by him. For what reason I have no idea why, I.. I'm still kinda figuring that part out so.." She finished trailing off as the words ran out.

Gyomei shook his head.

"So.. What your saying, Let me get this straight. Fujimori-san is [F/N].. She tried to kill herself.. Failed and then got kidnapped by Uppermoon one himself. Is that what your saying?" Gyomei asked.

"Basically.. yeah." Mitsuri answered with a nervous chuckle as she rubbed the back of her head.

"So.. What are you saying we should do..?" Muichiro inquired softly. Mitsuri bit her lip.

"Right now I'm in the middle of trying to find any leads. I'm.. I'm only having a little bit of trouble but for now I'm just asking for your awareness. If you find anything or if you have any idea of where she is or… Just if you know anything at all please come talk to me." Mitsuri asked.

Her voice grew pleading, A break in her peppy façade that she didn't even bother to conceal anymore. Mitsuri had went back to the shrine ruins, The oh-so familiar village she had grown up in.

The only thing she found was a massacred inn, While it was disturbing and revolting in of its own it didn't have any leads at all. There were no witnesses nor were there any survivors, So her only lead was dead in the water.

"Thank you very much for listening, I-"

Mitsuri was cut off by the sound of a sliding shoji door, Her jaw shut in place. Heads snapped around to the new arrival as they came face to face with Lady Amane and two of her children.

She bowed down, Her children followed suit.

"I apologise for my late arrival.. Master Kagaya will not be attending today's meeting due to his poor health, So I have decided to substitute for him instead.." Amane called out cordially, Raising from her bow to observe the sullen room.

"I am sorry.. But did anything happen while I was away?" Amane asked as she noticed the atmosphere and viewed the faces of the Hashira in front of her.

Gyomei bowed slightly.

"No, Lady Ubuyashiki.. We are fine, But I thank you for your concern.." He called out. Amane looked over, Curiosity bubbling up but decided not to question it. It seemed touchy by the way Gyomei's voice was pronounced more than normal.

"I see.. Well then I suppose its time we start the meeting then, Shall we?" Amane asked. Sitting down on her knees at the head of the room, Her children following in turn to sit beside her.

Mitsuri sighed under her breath as the meeting started. How would she be able to find [F/N]? Knowing demons she could be anywhere, She wasn't even sure if she was alive.

The thought made her want to vomit. No.. Mitsuri couldn't think about it now, She was alive and she needed to save her.. But..

She'd need a lead soon or it would be impossible to find her..

☆♡☆

Walking out of the shrine, Akaza took in a deep breath as he went. The weight of Akaza's footsteps made the dock below him depress with a creak, Almost as if it would break under him. However the rickety structure never gave in, Never shook nor did it sway. It just kept going, Unstable but standing.

The cool sea wind hit his face, His nose filled with the smell of salt and fresh lotus blooming from within the water below him. The rushing gusts of air came from somewhere deep within the black abyss surrounding him, Brushing past his skin with only a cold afterthought.

The sea below him rippled from his footsteps, The marine glowed a soft beryl with only lily pads and sea foliage to block it's light. It was an uncanny sight for the unadjusted, Which was someone Akaza was not as he walked along.

However he stopped. Paused in his tracks and frozen in place, But it wasn't from the cold air nor was it from fear. Instead it was a natural sense, Something he could near smell from a mile away.

Akaza turned around, Looking up towards the tall outside of the shrine.

"Come out, Whoever you are." He called out, Voice frostier than his surroundings as it echoed out into the abyss.

.

..

..

THUMP!

The sound of a body hitting the dock behind him reverberated, Akaza's eyes widened before he jerked his head around to meet the person standing there.

Only a metre away sat a boy in a crouched position, Akaza's lips turned into a snarl of that you'd see on a beast as he recognised the demon before him now.

From the black shaggy haircut and elven ears sticking out to the tigerish markings and slayer corps uniform. His sapphire obi and the hilt and flesh sword, All along with the snivelling little appearance he flaunted, Akaza knew who it was from the meeting.

"Hello, Akaza-dono!" Kaigaku called out. A snide little grin played at his grin and showed his small fangs pointing out, His eyebrows furrowed in a display of mockey. Akaza scoffed, This was a new attitude.

Respect the hierarchy, That's always what his master said. It was obvious he hadn't been listening to his superiors lessons and it made Akaza want to punch the arrogant smirk right off his face.

From what he had seen at the meeting he had always had his tail between his legs, Cowered at anyone superior. Was overall a boot-licker and suck up, It wasn't a respectable nature but it was far apart from the now cocky and egoistic tone he had in his voice.

"Upper six.. What the hell are you doing here?" Akaza spat out, Almost like a viper to a mongoose as he subtly puffed up his chest, Trying to look bigger.

"Bold of you to be asking that when you shouldn't be here at all!" Kaigaku rebutted with a trailing snicker. His weaselly smile growing as his gums were now bared to his superior, Yet he didn't treat him as such now.

Akaza shook his head and took another step forward, Continuing to walk away.

"Whatever.. If you want to keep your head I suggest you shut the hell up, I don't have any issue in severing it.." Akaza said as he walked by, His shoulder roughly brushing up against the younger boys as he went.

Kaigaku snickered as he went by him, Not shaking a single inch at his sentence.

"Take my head off? Not if you want my master to know what you've been up to." Kaigaku said, Head turning around with a predatory glint shining in the electric blue of his eyes.

Akaza froze in place.

"What..?" Akaza growled through gritted teeth. The sudden tension in his muscles creating veins across his body as he jerked his head over to meet Kaigaku's cat-like pupils.

"I've been here this entire time, I know about your conversation with that little human girl. I've known for weeks now and every interaction you've had with her." Kaigaku revealed. The glint in his eyes grew as he watched Akaza's jaw drop.

"You.. You've been here this entire time?!" Akaza yelled. His voice reverberating with his march as he turned back around to charge right over to Kaigaku.

In one swift movement Akaza had a hand around his throat, Kaigaku was extended into the air with his feet dangling a good foot off the ground. Akaza's teeth were bared like a rabid wolf as the grip on him tightened, Yet Kaigaku's grin never faltered a bit.

"Obviously.. My master had ordered me to stay when he wasn't around.. I've been watching your every move.. I don't know what you're doing with that girl but.. If you don't want me to tell number one himself right here.. Right now.. Then I suggest you back off.." Kaigaku choked out.

Akaza looked into his eyes, Searching for something. Some form of doubt or weakness bubbling up from within the pools of his irises. But he came up empty.

Akaza hissed and dropped Kaigaku to the ground in a single move.

The younger boy hit the ground with a thud and broke into a few short wheezes on the dock. Akaza looked down at him with a scrutinizing glare, Angry and alarmed.

Kaigaku knew. Akaza hadn't sensed him, He didn't know how. Was he too focused on his training or was he caught up with mystery of [F/N] to pick up on his spirit? How long had he been spying on him, Sneaking around from the rooftops and prowling about the dark corners to pick up information?

"Speak, How much does he know?" Akaza demanded, The shadow cast over Kaigaku meant nothing to the boy. Propping himself up with a single hand Kaigaku steadied himself on the floor.

"Nothing. But I don't know, How much are you willing to keep it that way?" Kaigaku asked, Mocking him with a cocking of his head to the side and a pout that made Akaza feel like a joke.

"What do you want?" Akaza asked through grinding teeth and a clenched fist, His nose scrunched up in disgust as he looked down at the boy.

Kaigaku used the hand he propped up to push himself up, On his knees he stood up to meet Akaza's eyes. He was only an inch away, Nose jabbing into his face.

"I want absolutely nothing.. I just like to see the look on your face when it's me looking down on you for once.." Kaigaku whispered. An small exhale that danced through the rushing winds around them and make Akaza want to scream.

"When have I ever looked down on you, I don't even care nor do I actually talk to you. But when I do I show you the respect when needed, So how the hell am I looking down on you?" Akaza hissed lowly as he peered into his eyes, Both locked in a staring contest together.

Kaigaku scoffed.

"Oh, Let me rephrase… I just like to see the look on you high and mighties when it's me looking down on you all for once. Just because you give me the 'basic respect' when 'needed' doesn't mean you actually mean it." Kaigaku started with a sneer.

"I know how it actually is.. Your type just loves to look down on the likes of me. People like you just don't know what it's like to get off your high horse and see the real world for once.. I just want to see my control over you, To make you feel how I feel.." Kaigaku whispered, Face only a few inches away from Akaza.

Akaza slowly shook his head to and fro. He was in complete disbelief at his audacity, His boldness to even attempt to pull a stunt like this. Akaza wanted to argue, He wanted to crush his skull between his palm and remind him of their differing strength levels.

But he couldn't. Akaza was well aware that him and Kokushibo shared a sort of telepathic link due to the way Kaigaku was initiated. Akaza knew that if Kaigaku so pleased he could tell Kokushibo what he had been up to right here and right now.

Akaza knew Kokushibo wouldn't be as merciful, Why he had such an interest and a complicated relationship with the girl he referred to as his sister. But he knew it wouldn't end well.

"If you feel that way then why do you still suck up to Upper one? Is it because you don't have sufficient blackmail or are you just afraid of getting killed?" Akaza jabbed. A passive aggressive taunt that leaned in on the latter as he took a step back.

Kaigaku shook his head.

"Don't you dare compare yourself to him. My master knows my worth, He sees potential in me and doesn't look down on me like the rest of you." Kaigaku replied. Akaza gawked at him.

"Then if you like him so much why aren't you telling him any of this? I don't see why you haven't.." Akaza questioned.

"Well I haven't told him yet, Doesn't mean I won't. I will eventually, I just want to enjoy it.." Kaigaku replied casually as he started to pace dramatically back and forth along the dock, Emphasising the moment and soaking it in.

Akaza 'tched. He kept up his strong exterior on the outside but inside he felt a cold chill run down him, A freezing panic that made questions rush through him. How was he going to deal with this?

First it was the deal with [F/N]. Second it was Kaigaku, The unknown countdown ticking away above his head loomed over him. Akaza didn't want to be involved, So how did he end up waist deep in this mess?

"You've always been such a weaselly boy, You know that right?" Akaza spat, Scowling at the boy in a well conceded defeat. Though, Akaza didn't quite expect the chill that rose up Kaigaku's spine at the words.

"..Really? Do you want me to tell him?" Kaigaku taunted to which Akaza instantly shut his mouth in response, Not wanting to urge him on.

Kaigaku grinned.

"That's what I thought! Not looking so mighty now are you?" Kaigaku taunted as he started to walk past Akaza, Back towards the shrine to where he came from. He had a swagger in his step as, A kick as he walked by that looked like he owned where he stood on.

"Hold on. I want to you to answer one thing before you go." Akaza ordered. A tone in his voice that made Kaigaku stop and leisurely toss his head to the side to meet his, An arrogant yet curious glint as he waited for his question.

"What the hell does Kokushibo even want with the girl? Does he seriously think a human woman is his sister?" Akaza inquired as if it was just a casual question but the curiosity below shined more than the spark in his eyes.

Kaigaku paused to contemplate then looked back at him.

"I don't know, I'm not allowed to speak to her or anything. Just said that she's his sister and to keep her tracked and reported on. Doesn't matter though, He must have a reason the likes of you just can't grasp." Kaigaku stabbed once more, Shrugging before turning back around and continuing to walk.

Akaza didn't question any more, Just watched as the boy leaped back up onto the roof of the shrine and start to scale up its towering walls, All the way to the top until he was only a small splotch in his vision.

Once he finally disappeared Akaza yelled, Raising his fist and punching a hole through an unlit lantern lining the dock.

It shattered as soon as it made contact with his fist, Bits of bark and splinter flew of and landed into the water below as he breathed in and out.

Akaza's breath was laboured as he watched the destroyed lantern's parts float away in the ever changing waves of the water, Teeth bared at it as he imagined Kaigaku in its place. That brat, How could he dare do something like that to his superior.

Akaza was never one for the Hierarchy, It's only use was a measure of strength. Only that and the recognition from his master. But Akaza couldn't deny it made his blood boil and burn at the sheer disrespect from the younger kid.

At least he could confirm that [F/N]'s 'sibling story' was the truth though, But the added threat of Kaigaku made the scales tip and the future ahead seem as murky as the void surrounding him.

He turned back around and marched off down the docks. He decided to go train to metaphorically sleep on it, Get his mind cleared and think this over carefully. It was tricky waters he was steering in and he needed to plan this out.

Akaza sighed, How the hell was he going to figure this out?

☆♡☆

The warmer afternoon sunlight flooded the outskirts of the Ubuyashiki estate's garden, Giving the abundance of plants and floral life just the right amount of nourishment to flourish as much as they were.

Birds sung from within their nests, It was a nice change from the screaming silence and the tense remarks spoke from within the house. As much as she loved her co-workers, Mitsuri was happy she had gotten out of there.

She pranced down the stone pathway, A skip in her step as she went.

The meeting had finally ended with the words of Lady Amane slipping away from her, Much more pressing thoughts prodding away at her.

The letter was tucked comfortably within her haori, Reading it out loud was more difficult than she had been expecting. Mitsuri thought she could deal with it, The weeks she had been mourning she had read it over and over non-stop. Committing it to memory.

Even so her breath shook the entire time, Even then she couldn't stop the inevitable turn in her stomach. It wasn't as bad as the first or the next few hundred that came after it though, That she was glad for.

Mitsuri knew once she finally found [F/N] and got her out of whatever hell she was suffering through that they would need to have a talk, Mitsuri knew that they'd need to figure it out and she was more than willing to do so.

Though how she would even get to her in the first place was a complete mystery. When she found the massacred inn and the bodies strewn about the place she had hoped that this would be the lead that set her on her trail.

But as dreaded it came up as a bust, Mitsuri had no more ideas or clues to set her down her path. A small frown appeared on her face, One that looked unfitting of a woman like her. Every second with [F/N] gone the chances increase of not finding her, And that ached hard.

Mitsuri was on the clock, She had no time to waste or spend doing what she loved. The hot springs, Late night feasts and cooking the food she loved so much. Mitsuri would need to set it aside for now.

Skipping along the trail the pep she had started to dim, But it was instantly brought back by with artificially made effort. Mitsuri held her head high with her smile widening more, She needed to look on the positive side, Stay optimistic and hopefully everything will be fine.

"Kanroji-san.."

A voice called out from behind her, A deep and sorrowful voice she recognised as she turned around to meet him.

"Himejima-san! Great to see you, I loved your input on the meeting today!" Mitsuri squealed. An over-the-top greeting she kept up along with her smile as she greeted the behemoth of a man standing only a metre away from her on the path.

"Thank you.. It is always nice to communicate with such enthusiasm.." Gyomei replied. Hands pressed together with tears streaming down his cheeks he nodded respectfully towards her general direction.

"Did you need anything? I was about to go back to the shrine ruins for another search around if you want to come with." Mitsuri offered, Tilting her head to the side as her signature blush formed on her cheeks.

Gyomei hummed.

"Unfortunately I cannot as I have been summoned on a mission.. However I have put that aside for now as I wish to have a word with you.." He said, Stepping forward only a single foot.

"Oh.. I'm guessing it's about the letter earlier then!" Mitsuri laughed nervously, Rubbing the back of her head with a sheepish smile plastered onto her face. "I'm sorry if it came off a little too harsh, I really need to know how to hold my tongue!"

"It's fine.. I believe you said it very well.. It shed a lot of light on unknown truths which if I am being honest baffle me to this very moment but.. I have came here about a few specific things actually.. Mostly about the contents of the letter.." Gyomei explained as he rattled his beads.

Mitsuri quirked her lips, Only for a second. She had a feeling this was going to happen, Maybe it was best if she hadn't said that last line, But there was no taking it back and she supposed Gyomei had a right to know.

"Alright then! Feel free to ask away, I don't mind." Mitsuri agreed.

"Thank you, Kanroji-san.." Gyomei nodded in appreciation. "First of all I would like to ask about the last part of the letter.. There was a certain line that involved one of my Tsuguko.. Shizuko Himejima.. I would like to inquire about that."

Mitsuri sighed, There it is. Even though she knew it was coming, Mitsuri had no proper idea on how to say it to him. But she tried anyway, He deserved to know.

"Right.. So, Yeah.. You heard right. [F/N] and Shizuko-san are both related, [F/N] is his older sister. I.. She wanted it to be kept a secret. Only me and her actually knew, Shizuko has no idea.." Mitsuri explained with a noticeable dip in her attitude, Frown becoming prominent again.

Gyomei's eyebrows knitted together. It didn't make sense. He had known Shizuko since he was a toddler, When he stumbled in his walk and babbled in-between sentences. The timeline was knotted and it puzzled him to no degree.

"I understand. If I may ask then why had it been kept from him as well as me, I have known the child since before I had became a slayer and I am a bit confused as to why he had been with me and not her.." Gyomei inquired.

Mitsuri inhaled, Humming a bit as she thought over her words.

"Well.. I don't want to say much, It's [F/N]'s story and I don't want to tell it for her but.. Shizuko means a lot to her. [F/N] made the choice to keep her and Shizuko apart and for her own reasons wanted to keep it that way." Mitsuri started.

"They didn't have the best living situation growing up, I don't know much about it because that was before I met her at all. I only know bits and pieces but what she told me is that she did it for his own good, What that means I don't know." Mitsuri finished.

Mitsuri sighed. She wished she knew more herself, Even though [F/N] and her had been friends for most of their lives she didn't know what happened before their friendship. Before [F/N] had a roof over her head and had her younger brother with her.

She never wanted to pressure her for more information though, It only came out in late night drinking sessions and off-handed comments. Mitsuri only had a half-finished puzzle of the events.

"I.. I see." Gyomei muttered under his breath. "I've known the boy since he came into my temple as an orphan.. I've raised him for years now. If I knew about the situation.." He trailed off, His voice turning into that of a whisper.

Gyomei remembered it well. The day the boy had been dropped off at the doorstep of the temple he resided in. Gyomei had taken him in and brought him up along with the other orphans he considered family, Remembered him being such a happy child.

It made sense now. Shizuko back then had always been a high-spirited child, Had always had something to say and had talked on about an older sister. Gyomei at the time had brushed it off, His younger self believing that she had abandoned him similar to some of the other kids.

However Gyomei had near-forgotten about it now. Probably because of what happened to him during the accident, Shizuko didn't speak much after that. His spirits lowering and the smile he wore cringing into a permanent frown, A shocked expression with a wide eyed scowl.

He never did speak about back then nowadays, Probably because he had forgotten entirely. It was a shame, Yet now that Gyomei remembered everything suddenly became much more clear yet so murky at the same time.

Mitsuri shook her head.

"Please.. Himejima-san. I'm begging you to not tell him, At least not until the time is right." Mitsuri pleaded, Her tone dripping with a sincerity and only the purest of intentions as she spoke to him. Gyomei paused, Pondering over her words and considering them with great care.

"Alright then.. But keeping lies is against my morals and good conscious, If he does ask about anything pertaining to this then I will not lie to him.. And I do hope you tell him in due time, Kanroji-san" Gyomei agreed, Nodding once.

Mitsuri sighed in relief. Her body relaxing with her shoulders as the smile reappeared on her face, A tiny relaxed grin.

"Thank you, Himejima-san! You don't know how much this means to me, To [F/N] too.." Mitsuri said full of gratitude as she thanked him. It went better than she thought and Gyomei would keep his mouth shut for the most part, That was good for her.

Gyomei nodded

"And yes.. To [F/N]. While I am unable to help out the majority of the time I am deeply remorseful for the way I have spoken to her.. Not just me but the rest of the Hashira too. In my spare time I will try to find leads of my own.. And if you at all come across anything then I ask that you inform me first to help, It is the least I can do.." Gyomei said.

His voice was full of apology, More so than usual. It was a deep reverberating sort of regret that was rare to find and it just made it all the more impactful to Mitsuri as she nodded, Trying to hold back the tears forming in her eyes.

"Thank you so much.. I.. If I find anything at all I'll let you know, It means a lot for you to say that and I hope that the rest of our friends truly do feel that way too." Mitsuri bowed in a deep respect, Low and cordial before him as she grinned ear to ear in a melancholy joy.

"It is of no issue.. I continue to pray for [F/N]'s good health and for your success in finding her. Good luck, Kanroji-san.." Gyomei bowed back, His senses telling him to do so as he lifted back up and turned away.

"Goodbye, Himejima-san!" Mitsuri called out to him as he walked off along the stone pathway.

And once he left entirely she was left alone to the sunlight shower in the garden, Alone with the insects and birds and the rustling of leaves. The warmth sinking into her skin and the soft breeze flowing through the watermelon drizzle in her hair.

It was almost enough to dry her tears, Though for once in weeks they weren't of sadness but instead of a ruminating joy. Her heart sung in happiness and her eyes filled with such a blossoming light that it could rival the sun itself.

There was hope, There was a unity and harmony between her and the rest of her colleagues. Both Shinobu and now Gyomei were both on her side, The rest were now aware of what happened.

It was difficult to say but she got over it. Throughout the heavy rainstorm it was hard to see but once the clouds cleared was nice at the end of the rainbow, There was hope and something she could hold onto like her mothers hand.

Turning around she began her skip down the rocky pathway once more. Mitsuri hummed a happy tune as she went and her blush bloomed brighter than the orchids and petunias that blossomed within the shrubbery.

Mitsuri made sure to hold on tight, To never let go and keep it close to her. She'd find [F/N], She knew she would.

It was only a matter of time until a lead would rear it's head.

It was only a matter of time until Mitsuri reunited with [F/N] once again.

Next Chapter

[tengritexas]

Candle Light Meditation: The Peculiar Treatment for Insomnia, Irregular Sleep Patterns, and ADHD

Hi everyone! Today Im writing about a new meditation trick Ive been testing out and Ill be sharing how to do it if youre interested.

Why I chose to do it

While I may like to do old man things, sitting at home and watching candle lights werent really my idea of a good time. However in the past few weeks Ive had really big issues maintaining a healthy sleep pattern and Ive always struggled with ADHD and getting school work done. I was told by a buddy of mine about mindfulness meditation and that has helped my adhd in the past so I figured this was worth a go!

Candle Light Meditation Craze

If you go to google or youtube youll certainly find all kinds of gurus and spiritualists suggesting this meditation will "decalcify your pinal gland" which would be something impacting most of us around the age 18-30 depending on diets and things like that

Here is the issue THERE IS NO RESEARCH TO SUGGEST THIS PRACTICE DECALCIFIES YOUR PENAL GLAND. So to say if that happens or not is not my place. Im a dude who posts bangers on the internet, not a neuro scientist.

What it did do

Despite the research not being there. I can tell you in the few days of doing it I have noticed my focus has sharply improved. My fatigue isnt so bad either. My sleep schedule hasnt improved to much yet but hey! Im a college student Im busy chatting and making friends (doing essays lol).

I believe some of these symptoms are associated with the pinal gland but again, I have no idea. All I can tell you is I do eat frozen foods often and this did help. I dont have a CT scanner in my room so beyond that I have no idea lol.

How to do candle light meditation

Grab a candle, light it and turn off as many lights to get the room as dark as you can. Try to use a candle with a still flame and turn off fans aswell.

Try to focus on the most solid part of the flame for a few seconds up till 3 minutes. You ideally want to do this until you feel a fuzzy feeling in your head.

Turn away from the candle and close your eyes, you should see the imprint of the flame, stare at that for as long as you can until it goes away.

Try to do repeat process 3 times a day (in one setting) for 5 days. Usually by 5 days you should begin to feel a strange tiredness in your mind. This is what your looking for. You are overloading that part of the brain because its not really being used. Much like trying to run for the first time in a few months.

The end result

Around day 5 you should find yourself being able to focus more! Ive also heard some people report it helps them with creative writing aswell but I cant attest to that.

Let me know what you guys think! Hope it helps :>

[imafatmannnnnnnn]

Just want everyone to know what having an ED looks like after 20 years.

I binged last night. Ate almost a whole pint of ice cream. That's it.

It proceeded to wake me up with night sweats and heart burn. Irregular heart rate. Oh and I can actually feel my pancreas hurt. The symptoms do eventually pass. But then today, my great plans of starving get ruined bc I am like, i want to take care of myself.

Bc starving hurts too. You get cold hands and feet? I get cold cheeks. So cold the pain is unbearable and I do eat. Or my gallbladder hurts from processing fat into energy. Nothing like more gallstones being made on top of the ones I already have. Nut hey if my gallbladder pops, then I could die bc that is a life threatening situation that needs emergency surgery.

Whats strange though it how enlightening it has been this time on Tumblr. But then I again I have never been this transparent and I truly feel, it's appreciated and valued.

Either way. We all deserve to heal. But healing and letting go of that control and predictability is scary af. I mean what if I have to gain 30 pounds before I eat " normal" and can loose wt like a "normal" person. Because that is possible. Recovered ed ppl do loose wt in a healthy way , meaning life style changes.

Wow that is a lot.

[noodyl-blasstal]

Dr Google

Friends believe I've been thinking about vampires again.

---

Symptoms:  Pale Cold Sore teeth Nausea No Irregular pulse  Bloodlust Thirsty Sunburn

He wasn’t supposed to Google medical stuff anymore, Sloane and his Mums had told him off for it so many times he’d lost count, but Kravitz hated to make a fuss and surely it was easier to just check quickly. “Some guy mugged me apart from he didn’t take my wallet and he accidentally bit me a little bit… lottle bit” seemed like the kind of thing that would waste Dr Highchurch’s time. All he’d be able to do was whack some antiseptic on there and make some horrifying comments about the way he extracted the juices to make whatever poultice he decided was best. Kravitz had obviously disinfected the bite mark once he got home. Sure, he’d been passed out in the alley for a bit, but once he’d woken up he felt fine, he’d made it home in no time! It didn’t really seem ringing the police because nothing was taken and the bite wasn’t even really that bad, only a few teeth seemed to have pierced the skin.

The worst bit was the whole food situation. Kravitz was hungry, was the thing, ravenous, but when he’d tried to eat the leftovers in the fridge he’d puked them straight back up again. Obviously food poisoning was the logical choice, so he’d thrown them away and tried something basic instead. The toast tasted disgusting. He thought the butter might have turned, had a go at the biscuits in the cupboard instead. Also a nope. Everything tasted terrible, nothing stayed down. He knew it was important to stay hydrated when you had a stomach bug, of course, so he drank plenty of water. It wouldn’t stay put either. He tried medicine for settling his stomach, rebalancing his humours (well, salts and electrolytes according to the package), and painkillers. Nothing helped. So now it was five days since he’d eaten anything and he really really really wanted to, but he couldn’t. He didn’t really know what Dr Highchurch could suggest for that - he usually seemed to struggle a bit unless you could give him direction. Hence, the Googling. 

Kravitz was being sensible, of course, he knew the good symptom checkers. He wasn’t irresponsible, just needed some reliable health information which didn’t come with a side of arbour ardour. That didn’t seem unreasonable to ask. He input his symptoms and waited for the computer to ease his mind.

Iron deficiency anaemia

B12 deficiency anaemia 

Coma

One of those things was not like the others but unless this was some kind of incredibly vivid hallucination, Kravitz was good on the coma front. Anaemia though? He’d had low iron before and knew it could fuck you up. No point in bothering Dr Highchurch by asking for a blood test, he may as well just skip straight to the supplements. 

Kravitz was most of the way to the door when the dizziness and fatigue he’d seen on the symptom list kicked in. Sure, he’d been feeling a bit run down, but he was fit! He was healthy! He did his 10,000 steps and change every single day, he swam, he hiked! He should be able to walk a block over to the CVS even if he was a bit under the weather.

By the time he had willed himself onto the couch he was ready to admit defeat. Maybe he could just take a nap and then go? Or, even better, he could Door Dash it then take a nap until it was medicine time. Kravitz tapped around on his phone trying to figure the app out. It took a lot longer than it should have because everything seemed to be fuzzing round the edges - maybe he needed to book an eye test too, he was probably due one. Finally he was fairly convinced he’d put all the right details in and allowed his slow blinking eyes to stay shut.

“Honey, I’m home!” Yelled a strange voice as a man burst through the door of his apartment. Sure, Kravitz had said the door was open and to drop the bag inside in his notes, but this seemed excessive. Kravitz’s brain was full of sand and all he wanted to do was eat something, anything. The delivery man was handsome, handsome enough that Kravitz decided he’d rate him highly regardless of the breaking and entering. He smelled good too, really, really good.

Kravitz tried to struggle up into a sitting position, failed miserably, and hoped he didn’t look too pathetic. “Thank you.” It was at this point he realised he hadn’t spoken out loud since the mugging. Maybe the bite knocked his vocal chords around a bit because he sounded so croaky and raw.

“You okay there, Kemosabe?” The delivery guy focused in on Kravitz and his beautiful brow crinkled. “You look like shit.”

“Low iron.” Croaked Kravitz. Taako’s cologne was amazing, Kravitz could smell him from across the room but it wasn’t cloying and overpowering. There was a hint of sweetness to it, something Kravitz couldn’t place. 

“Uh huh. That is a thing that could be happening, sure.” 

“Or it could be B12, and a stomach bug.” 

“Look, I can’t leave you here without checking you’re okay my guy. If I deliver this, fuck off, and then you beef it it’s Taako who’s gonna end up getting arrested for it and that’s a big ol’ no thanks from me.”

“What Taco?” 

“Me, Goofus. Now, let me see.” 

“Like the food? I’m okay, thank you. I think just taking some of the iron tablets will help. Maybe the B12 too just in case. That should mean I can keep water down.” His throat’s feeling a bit better at least, less haggard for some practice at speaking. Maybe he needs to start talking to himself out loud, or, probably more sanely, ringing his Mums and Sloane.

“No not like the food, like the me. Tee ay ay kay oh. Now, shut up and let me make sure you’re not gonna die.”

Taako was so close now, Kravitz could reach out and touch him, Kravitz really wanted to reach out and touch him… and maybe grab him, kiss him, bite his… “Ow! Fuck!” Kravitz winced in pain. His lip throbbed, how the fuck did he manage to bite himself without moving his mouth?

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, you’ve got a bad case of the vampires, my guy.”

[autogynecologist]

a list of things I experienced during my bad edibles high :DDD

Note that I didn't literally see some of these visuals but that's what they felt like to me in this particular abstract way.

- I started to feel depersonalized, like I increasingly was not in my body or in the present moment. I was in a state of complete disbelief that this was my body and I was in it

- I was a brain wearing a VR headset and playing a hyper-realistic video game. What's beyond this game? I don't know.

- (strap in, this gets really abstract now) what it FELT like to me, was that I was being pulled out of a screen, and the TV was a wacky shape with a backdrop of artificial, Windows 95 clouds, and the background would change to all these weird neon colors. The graphics of the outside world I can only describe as "Spy Kids CGI". It felt like I was perpetually phasing from the video game to the GameCube main menu (idk what a GameCube is like bitch I was born in 2002)

- It felt like my consciousness was in an aspect ratio of 1:1 and was zoomed in. It also felt like the motion smoothing setting was turned on for the world around me, like everything was 80 FPS.

- The speed of the car I was in felt distorted; I'd close my eyes and it'd feel like we were going 100 mph

- Sometimes I'd close my eyes and feel like I was inside my skull

- I was continuously phasing not just in and out of the present moment, but also in and out of time. Time was irregular, like I was skipping cutscenes in a game.

- I was FEELING (not just remembering) my memories and my dreams blending together into this singular constantly morphing thing. Like those AI generated pictures that morph into different stuff. What I mean by feeling is that the memories are like a substance, an abstract thing touching my brain that I can't describe other than the fact that it's there.

- Sometimes I would feel things and visions that feel like memories, and feel familiar in an abstract dream-like way, but are really like if I asked an AI to draw a memory I would have. It felt like I was feeling these liminal space "dreamcore" pictures but with a multisensory dream filter put on them to give them back their whimsy.

- The visual of me turning to look in the mirror would be fuzzy and delayed.

- Moving my body would feel delayed in the same way, like the world was made of fluids. It'd feel like I was concentrating my consciousness into my hand for example.

- I was feeling multiple of my selves across time, all at once. Different self-perceptions of how I see myself as a girl, as well as me back when I was a guy, at different points of my life. I kind of didn't know who to be, what was true or untrue.

- The high is especially rough if you're like me and don't have a consistent mental image of yourself.

- In "Hot Allostatic Load," Porpentine described how her "aperture of time" (which I interpret as, if time were a space, how big the space that her sense of self took up was) was reduced to about a minute. This I greatly relate to. During my high, it was like my aperture of time was incredibly inflated and covering my entire life timeline at different multiple points.

- I would think, "Was I depersonalized the whole time as a kid? This feeling is so familiar."

- "Riding the edge of consciousness" like a totally tubular wave bro

- Of course, the physical symptoms: my eyes and my mouth were dry as hell. I was also dizzy and everything made me anxious. Depersonalization was terrifying to me. But weirdly, thinking about what it would be like to slowly come back was also anxiety-inducing. The process of coming back.

- if you were there you'd find me strangely deadpan but make no mistake, there was horror behind these empty eyes.

- I sometimes felt like I'd be in this state forever and everything would drive me to death.

- One of my two friends bought me hostess chocolate cupcakes which were amazing.

- They were so amazing keeping me company and everything and making sure I was okay. I'm so thankful that they were there to make things easier for me.

- The Spy Kids TV world would soon fade into black, and in its place, when I closed my eyes I'd only see a morphing image of a bunch of nostalgic shit from my memories blending together. I'd describe it as "Windows XP icons, Kuwaiti Fils coins, Arabic school textbook with colorful block Arabic letters." Everything I saw had this thick familiarity feeling, like a sap, coating my consciousness.

- It Gets Better

- as I was coming down from this high, I was horny, like, good warm fuzzy horny, and being in my bed, sleeping on my pillows tucked into my blanket, felt overwhelmingly great.

- It was 7 AM and the sunrise coming into my bedroom was warm and it felt pink. I thought "oh THIS is girlhood. Waking up in a bright morning with a Taylor Swift 2024 flag hanging above my head."

- I'm still recovering from the whole thing, trying to remember what being grounded in my body and the present moment feels like.

I didn't write this so I'd be like "don't do drugs kids drugs are bad." I wrote about this because I wanted to immortalize this moment in some art form. (Like a Tumblr post). If I had a moral with this it'd be "do drugs responsibly and surround yourself with friends who care about you and respect you"

[flydotnet]

WHUMPTOBER 2023 DAY 4: “I see the danger, It’s written there in your eyes.” Cattle Prod | Shock | “You in there?”

Well, would you look at the anomaly: for once, I'm not making Matsuyama eat the floor! He gets to be a bit of a caretaker this time, and not in a WY fashion, just in a "taking care of your soccer buddy" way.

I was originally going to write this one with a very similar premise but also with an OC, but my brain decided it wasn't Ziggy time - it was platonic JunMatsu time instead. To be fair to my brain, they're my favourite parallel in all of CT, and I don't write them nearly enough as their canon selves (the HSAU being another thing altogether in that regard). To say this all started from watching France 24 and seeing a weather forecast for Amsterdam, London and Paris one morning last week…

It may just be me, but God the idea of those two being roommates during international tournaments lives rent-free inside my head. It's done so since I first discovered Mikono's work on Twitter like a year and a half ago, but man, she makes a compelling argument.

Midway through writing this, for some reason that I can only call "JY Anime Is Ongoing Syndrome", my Misugi decided to become an assistant coach instead… when I was trying to set this fic during either the U19 tournament or U23 Olympics. So that was weird, but I guess this means this story is set in an alternate timeline where Misugi did end up becoming coach instead of a useless-ass defender one of Japan's flagship players. I like writing this guy as a bit more aloof and loopy than he'd be in canon, just because I like that characterization from doujins. It's a fun way to write what's otherwise a very serious character! Misugi can be a bit silly, as a treat.

---------------

A Dulled Blade Can Never Win

Summary: Fatigue, roommates and a bit of a bad heart day.

Fandom: Captain Tsubasa

Word Count: 1.3K words

AO3 version available here.

-----------

His heartbeat is irregular, today.

That’s the first thing that came to Jun’s mind when he woke up. Live for over twenty years with a sham for a heart and you’re bound to be attuned to its overly demanding needs, even while half-awake. The discomfort is an instinctive thing, like the sting of a bug bite or the sensation of needing rest. He doubts anyone not in his shoes would understand this to the unconscious level he feels. Who even thinks about their heartbeats? It’s like breathing, to normal people.

Well, maybe normal people do think about their heartbeats when they’re abnormal. They’re just not as used or attuned to their pulse as he is. Now, he only has to find out why: it could be regular arrythmia, it sometimes happen, but it could also be a lot more devious.

The thought remains on his mind for the rest of the morning. He follows conversations about strategies, tactics and who gets to be a starter player this time around. Coach Kira asks for his opinion and all he can provide is surface-level pleasantries, he’s sure of it. Or maybe he did just spew out whatever ideas he had brainstormed during the night. Who knows; not him, unfortunately.

It’s all very fuzzy and beyond him, at times, in this strange way that shouldn’t be the case anymore. You don’t live for over twenty years with a faulty heart to get distracted by its symptoms anymore. He’s swallowed the hypertrophic cardiomyopathy so long ago, why is it now biting him back? Can’t he just do his job properly?

Eventually, they’re back in their rooms. Somewhere in the haze of his heart bothering him for the nth time this week, he remembers he should research their next opponent – Spain, maybe? Or was it Brazil? Too familiar. Portugal, then? No, no, they’re already eliminated, have been for a while judging by the fact he can’t even remember… God, this is starting to look bad on his front.

Why can’t he focus? Even the lines in his book are starting to swim and make no sense. His heart is still beating too fast, and his head feels light on his neck. Perhaps he is about to slip into an attack and isn’t realizing yet. Maybe that’s what the haze is. Perhaps he should see Coach Gamo about this? Wait, no, he’s the med school student here, what is he even think –

Hey, you in there?

The voice is loud, strong and perhaps a little frustrated; yet it nonetheless remains calm and controlled. It snaps him out of that… was it a pensive trance? Or was it something else? Who knows, who knows… He didn’t even know he had slipped into one. That’s… weird. What was he thinking about? Ah, dammit, the page of the book is cornered, he must have done that when he jumped.

Right, yes, there is someone right in front of his face – his roommate, as it turns out. He hadn’t even heard Matsuyama come in, how long has he been here? Questions for another time, he supposes.

“Oh, it’s just you,” he nonchalantly replies. “What can I do for you?”

“You were zoning the hell out, so I was wondering if you were okay.” His eyes squint. “You don’t look like it to me.”

Oh no, not this spiel again.

“Why thank you for the concern, but I’m quite alright. I was merely just deep in thought.”

Of course, it’s now that Matsuyama has chosen to be a sceptic.

“Oh really? You’ve been like that all morning-long, man. What were you thinkin’ about?”

“Uh…” Good question, isn’t it! “Our next opponent.” Yeah that sounds good – what?

Somehow, during that very short snap of inattention, somehow, his suspicious teammate has found the time to lean in front of him and put a hand on his forehead. Soon enough, he’s started gritting his teeth, eyebrows knitting.

“Wait, you’re burning up!” He yells out immediately thereafter.

“That’d explain some things,” Jun thinks out loud with half his mind operating. “Wait.”

Goddammit. It’s not how you reassure someone like Matsuyama. Once he’s onto you, he’ll never let you go. If only he could’ve kept it shut…

“What do you mean, that’d explain some things?”

This is a good way to buy a one-way ticket to the infirmary, yes.

“Things being fuzzy, for lack of a better term. I thought it was just my heart playing tricks on me.”

“You sound awfully unconcerned about that.”

“You do tend to become used to things like this. I’m pretty sure you’d know what I mean by that.”

He has a chuckle at his comrade’s expense.

“Point granted, after some time, it must just be an annoyance.” His eyes squint again. “You’re sure you’re –” oh, now they’re wide open, “hey, wait, you’ve still got a fever!”

Well, looks like his diversion plan has failed. That’s the issue with trying to convince Matsuyama of all people: this guy never forgets. It’s like he has a built-in radar for people’s discomfort and he will do something about it, no matter the price and no matter how harsh his tone has to get (he usually apologizes about fifteen minutes later, twenty if you’ve really worried him. Don’t ask Jun how he knows that). Oh well, he’s tried.

Maybe that’s the reason why they keep sticking the two of them in the same bedroom, even after all those years and fine-tuning who goes along with who (and his roommate would be able to chart it all out, if you could read his handwriting). They just figured he’d pay attention to Matsuyama’s numerous bruises and he’d keep watch over his tendency to… embellish the truth, yes. Habits die hard and if those two aren’t the living showcase of that, then what is?

“It does sound like it, if you say so.”

“Well, you’re the future doctor of us two, so… Where do I bring you? The infirmary?”

“You could also let me be, Matsuyama. It’s just a—”

“I’m not doin’ that, no, not when I know who you are.”

“You can’t ask for a doctor’s advice and just ignore it.”

“That’s not medical advice and you know it.”

Oh… He isn’t even smiling.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry yourself about it,” Jun tries saying with a hand on his chest (force of habit).

“There aren’t a lot of guys you could be saying that to here, but I’m certainly not one of them.” He kneels back down to his level. “Especially if it’s about your heart, then I’m not lettin’ that shit pass.”

Stupid force of habit.

“You don’t completely zone out like that, usually,” he continues. “You’re sure you sleep at night?”

“I do, yes.” Perhaps not much, but yes, he does get some winks in… when insomnia doesn’t hit, that is. “Although I’ll agree with you, I’m usually sharper than that.”

“To the infirmary it is with you, then.”

Jun sighs. For all intents and purposes, it’s very much affectionate.

“You really aren’t gonna give up anytime soon, won’t you?”

“Nope. It’s either you go willingly or I’m getting someone with bigger arms than I am to put you there.” Matsuyama sighs as well. “I hate that phrasing, but it’s for your own good.”

Eventually, Jun feels his shoulders lower.

“Fine, fine,” he replies as he gets up. “It’s an off day and seeking medical assistance for non-urgent situations is better than letting something potentially dangerous fester. I’ll go.”

His roommate follows, far more relaxed than before.

“Good. I’d have hated forcing your hand.”

“I know.” He walks to the door. “See you later, then.”

Before he can open it, however, Matsuyama follows.

“Wait, Misugi! I’m coming with you.”

“If you want,” he replies with a shrug.

Maybe one day he’ll be able to admit he likes having someone to rely on – but for now, they just make their way out of the living quarters in silence.

[arjunash]

Mental Disordered Explained in an Interesting Way

So this other day one of my good friends, a doctor whose also writing a book on mental health awareness, asked me to write an interesting easy to understand summary of these 3 mental disorders to which his audience (which includes little children too) could understand well and would help them develop some interest in his boring book. J/k (or maybe not)

So im posting it before i’m accused of plagirism for my own content, bummer!!

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

Do you know, Leonardo Da Vinci, Justin Timberlake, and Bill Gates, these extremely successful personalities have 1 thing in common! Well, besides being famous they all are diagnosed with some levels of ADHD. An Attention Deficit or Hyperactivity Disorder.

Now this suddenly feels like a disorder of fortune, right?. Well let’s Suppose you were diagnosed with ADHD as the first half of the name suggests ‘Attention Deficit’ you’d find it extremely difficult to focus on your tasks where you could be easily distracted, make mistakes frequently and have a hard time to just follow through with some basic instructions.

It’s just you’d need to give your all to do a task that would feel like a piece of cake to an average person. Doesn’t feel like a disorder of fortune now, does it!

Now as far as the next half goes, as the name suggests Hyper Activity, It looks something like shaking of that foot or that hand of yours too damn often that urge to do it so often for no reason, or your inability to stay seated, just that feeling of restlessness where you can’t be comfortable being still.

Now add extreme impulsive behavior on top of that. Imagine having a healthy conversation with your friends except you’re not the one to be associated with the word ‘healthy’. You’re unable to wait on your turn to speak so you’re obviously interrupting others which can make you seem pretty annoying plus your actions have no thoughts whatsoever associated with it, you’re just doing everything without giving it a thought even.

Anorexia

“Ever tried the ‘Anorexic Diet’? It’s the one where you try to lose weight by spending all your money on food you can’t afford!”

Well, imagine waking up one day only to find yourself so conscious about your body weight that no matter how many times you might look in the mirror it’ll always feel like you need to shred those extra pounds. Getting so obsessed with fear of gaining weight that you’d restrict yourself from eating any more to the point of starvation.

You’ll feel the obvious symptoms associated with very less or no food intake such as extreme weight loss, you’ll begin to feel dizzy throughout the day, you’ll begin fainting here and the females with this extreme diet disorder can face irregular menstruation. Develop a yeast infection on top of that and you’ll be officially called a ‘Quarter Pounder Cheese’.

So what about its cure? Well, if you thought that would be a ‘ piece of Cake’ well, no it’s not, not totally!

Schizophrenia

If someone you know is seeing things that just aren’t supposed to be there like if your friend named ‘Billy’ told you he’s is training with Goku from DBZ or Naruto was here to motivate them with his Talk-No-Justsu, chances are they are hallucinating (seeing or hearing things that aren’t there) which is one of the symptom of Schizophrenia.

And if they are behaving a lot strangely lately (way above their normal behavior) like laughing apparently for no reason at all (even without listening to your bad jokes) or talking to themselves because they think they are the only important person or the only person in the room of a dozen people. Chances are they definitely have Schizophrenia.

Let’s say your friend does have these it’d be very difficult for them to follow their day to day activities and have a high chance of losing their job, relationship and even self care will be out of the options.

It’s exact reason is like the Da Vinci Code, it’s a mystery not solved yet, but schizophrenia develops mostly in the teenage years or can be in your later years as far as the research suggests and some of the reasons studies did find was Environmental and neurological factors like growing up in a toxic family under the care of the most careless individuals out there. It’s not proven but doctors have taken a hard guess here.

And if your friend ‘Billy’ does have schizophrenia it doesn’t mean the end of the line for them, with proper medication, your support and professional therapy, he too can live a normal life.

To Conclude

Well, here you go folks, now you have all the basic info you need to have an understanding of these mental disorders. But along with our knowledge of these what’s also essential is the care we need to provide to the people suffering from such problems. The people suffering from these disorders need special care and a soft environment to help them feel connected to the world and the people around them.

So just like us they too could grow and achieve all the things in life they deserve!

Humor

Mental Health

Mental Health Awareness

[rainbowjay20]

So I got a new nanny watch.

MOSOKI

Smart Watch for Men Women

https://a.co/d/dSdGNmc

For more info, see the previous post.

Part of my motivation for getting a new watch was that my old one had snapped the band. The other part, to be fair, is that I've been having a bunch of odd, non-specific symptoms. I have also asked my primary to do some bloodwork. She had no problem with any of the tests I requested. However, she had a feeling the insurance would be upset with a fishing expedition. So we broke my requests up into a couple of batches. Hopefully, as we move forward, we will have more clarification and a better idea of where to look.

For years, I have said that I have low blood sugar. I have gotten scoffs and derision from many, especially my family. My Dad's family runs to Diabetes and Pancreatic Cancer(and Heart Disease and any Cancer you can name) So me having HYPOgylcemia? F*ing Hysterical!🤣😂🤣😂

But everyone forgets my grandpop (Dad's dad) could pack away Tastykakes by the metric ton and never gain a pound. I don't know if he was ever tested. My Mom had reactive hypoglycemia. Basically, it is pre-diabetes. Your body doesn't handle sugar well. When you eat your body overreacts and sends out too much insulin. This makes your blood sugar drop too low.

True primary hypoglycemia is unusual. It is usually caused by something. It is just a matter of finding out what is causing it.

My thought is that having an idea of when(and maybe what) is triggering the lows and or highs might be helpful. Even if the numbers aren't accurate, the same should not be true for the trends.

These newer watches are very clear that these are wellness devices only. That they are not meant as substitutes for medical care.They are not approved in the US for Medical devices. They are making these overseas,(*cough* China *cough*) where there are different guidlines for these types of devices. They do have alarms for danger levels like low/high blood sugar, High pulse, irregular heart beat, hypoxia(low oxygen in the blood) and sleep apnea.

That being said, it already has been and I assume it will continue to be increasingly more so incredibly fascinating.

My blood sugar, well everything, seems to randomly jump about, up and down, at the whims of a madman. My temperature is sharing Mother Nature's menopause.(I did think that was part of my own problems but blood tests have indicated that is not the case.

Whatever is going on, it is clear that there is SOMETHING, at least. That's progress.

Ask any person who has chronic illnesses. It can be hard convincing doctors to take you seriously. I've had my share of that. Most of mine are good, but sometimes they slip. I do understand.

I get the weird shit. Do you know the saying, "if you hear hoofbeats think horses"?

Well, when a new doctor or nurse gets smarmy and says that crap? I have a pre-programmed response.

I'm a pygmy zebra running down Broadway in the middle of rush hour.

Believe it or not, that actually came from one of my doctors. I don't remember if it was my first endocrinologist or the surgical oncologist. They noted that if something happens to me, it may not be fatal, but it will be strange.

With me? It's never horses.

Hopefully, with this watch, I will be able to find the hoofprints and estimate the size of the zebra and in which direction it is heading.

So for lows, I'm getting down to 95° core temperature and 59ml/dg blood sugar.

In the other direction, I had a temperature of 98.7° for a "record" high. and 130 for a high blood sugar.

[rabbid-rabbitt]

disorders i suspect i have because im bored n need to write this somewhere or else ill go insane. divided into three categories

pretty much everyone agrees i have these disorders

npd/hpd/avpd/ppd - ive quite literally shown symptoms of these as a child and getting diagnosis rn wouldn't be helpful for me so thats why these are stuck as a suspecting group

endometriosis - very heavy n painful periods that would knock me out for a week straight, lots of csa which is a risk factor

genuine possibility

pcos - every afab in my family is born overweight and has fertility problems. i have high t levels and post menopausal e levels , heavy irregular periods

me/cfs - chronically exhausted with lots of strange symptoms like flu symptoms, exercise intolerance, digestive issues, etc, fit the diagnostic criteria perfectly n all my blood tests come back normal

maybe?

fibromyalgia OR rheumatoid arthritis - originally thought it was ra but rheumatologist doesnt think so, mri will properly confirm or deny ra and if its not ra everyones money is on it being fibro

pots - i get rlly unwell whenever i stand up i have a high heart rate naturally n it gets worse when i stand up, especially at night i gets upwards of 165+ bpm when my resting is arouns 100 bpm

ibs - lord have mercy on my digestive system. all other disorders have been ruled out already

[e-wills-afterhours]

More GYN Questions

HI! DID YOU WANT WOMEN'S HEALTH INFORMATION???

oF cOuRsE yOu dID!!

At what age should periods start?

The first period, also known as menarche, begins on average between ages 11 and 14. Some girls are outliers, starting at age 9-10 or age 15. A good rule of thumb to remember is that the first period will usually come between 2-3 years after thelarche (or the development of breast buds). Again, this is on average.

A period that begins at age 8 or sooner is known as precocious puberty. This is an issue because puberty brings with it a host of rapid musculoskeletal changes that the 8 year old body is just not ready for. This was the medical impetus for the development of puberty blockers.

Alternatively, failure to start menstruation by 15 is a concern for primary amenorrhea. Or rather, the absence of an already established menstrual cycle due to other factors. Often primary amenorrhea is the result of hormonal dysfunction or genetic and anatomical issues, like gonadal dysgenesis (in other words, issues with the develop of female gonads, often resulting from chromosomal anomalies).

2. Can you get pregnant if you have unprotected sex on your period?

Yes, but it is extremely uncommon. The ability to get pregnant is less dependent on the timing of your menstruation, but rather when you ovulate (these two are related, however). If there is an irregularity in the menstrual cycle, it is possible to ovulate while on or shortly after a period, and sperm can live in the female reproductive system for up to 5 days, depending on when they become activated. So, while improbable (anovulation often accompanies irregular cycles), it is not impossible. If you have regular monthly cycles, it is less likely.

3. Is vaginal discharge normal?

Yes. Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes. Having vaginal discharge does not automatically mean something is wrong. Certain types of birth control can cause an increase in cervical mucus, which results in increased discharge. Some women also have more discharge naturally. This is a variation of normal. Discharge also changes in consistency and amount through the menstrual cycle.

4. So when is my discharge an issue?

If it has a strange color: green, yellow (not simply yellow-tinged on your toilet paper when you wipe), gray, bloody (and you are not expecting a period).

If it has a strange odor: sour bready smell = yeast; foul, fishy smell = BV or STD

If it is excessive: you are saturating a pad in less than an hour.

If you have other vaginal symptoms along with the discharge, even if it appears otherwise normal: burning, itching, pain, dryness

5. When do I need to start having yearly Pap smears?

The current guidelines are 21. However, if you are sexually active, you just visit your OBGYN to discuss safe sex practices and contraceptives if needed. Also, for STD testing between partners. If no vaginal or pelvic complaints, you should not need a pelvic exam, so don't let that deter you.

6. Do you gain weight on the pill?

In clinical studies, the pill did not demonstrate any notable weight gain over, perhaps, 2.2 lbs per year; even so, this isn't exactly verifiable. That being said, women have different experiences with different birth controls because we are not all the same (shocker, I know). If someone tells me they have made no other lifestyle changes, nor new medications, and the only thing that preceded the weight gain was the pill, who am I to tell them they are wrong? However, I would not counsel a patient against the pill for weight concerns, since the data just doesn't support that.

Depo-provera, however? That has been clinically shown to cause weight gain.

7. What is the clitoris?

The fun button. God's gift to women. The enigma that has confused men since time began. The little man in the canoe.

The female equivalent of the glans penis. The epicenter of female pleasure. The source of most female orgasms by statistical majority.

[extasiswings]

“I felt it shelter to speak to you.” for Buddie

This was...not supposed to be this long but all the recent promo content has been...inspiring. Anyway...on ao3 here.

The first attack happens on a Saturday afternoon.

There’s nothing special about the day, nothing strange. Christopher is at a friend’s birthday party, Buck is off somewhere with Taylor, and Eddie is grocery shopping before he’s meant to meet Ana for an early dinner.

His shoulder aches a little—that’s what he notices first—but that’s not too unusual. It happens sometimes. Even as physical therapy has helped him regain strength and mobility in his arm and shoulder, a high caliber sniper round ripping through his upper chest is no minor injury. Plus, while he’s hardly ancient, he’s not even as young as he was when he was shot the first time, and those bullets left behind their own patches of scar tissue and occasional twinges.

So. His shoulder aches. It’s fine. He ignores it and moves on. Goes through the store, checks out, put his bags in the backseat—

There’s a glare off a window in the apartment building across the street.

Eddie reaches for the handle of his door.

Suddenly, his fingers start tingling, uncomfortable pricks of icy numbness traveling up his hands like they’ve fallen asleep, but shaking them out doesn’t help. And then, without warning, pain lances through his chest, sharp and acute, and he can’t breathe properly, as if his torso has been trapped in a vise that’s slowly tightening more and more.

His vision swims. He sways on his feet, grasping at the door handle with clumsy, numb fingers to keep himself upright.

He feels like—he feels—

He feels like he’s dying. It strikes him with sudden clarity. He’s dying. Dying in a random parking lot—he always assumed he was too young to have a heart attack but the symptoms fit and he’s just—

He can’t. He can’t die. Not when he’s survived everything else. This can’t be—

“Sir?” There’s a woman with a station wagon parked in the space next to his truck and she’s looking at him with no small amount of concern. “Are you okay?”

Eddie’s mouth is so dry and his breathing so irregular that it takes him a moment to respond.

“I—I think I need to go to the hospital,” he grits out as another wave of dizziness threatens to send him to his knees.

She calls 911. Eddie spares a moment to be grateful that the paramedics who show up a few minutes later aren’t from the 118.

As it turns out, he’s not dying. And he didn’t have a heart attack.

“A panic attack?” Eddie’s voice is distant to his own ears as he stares at the ER doctor in disbelief, his stomach flipping with a new kind of dread. “Are you sure?”

“Your symptoms resolved on their own and your EKG is normal, Mr. Diaz,” she replies as she flicks through the screens of his chart on her tablet. “And nothing in your prior history or other recent tests indicates that there’s anything physically wrong with you—you were healthy before you were shot and your recovery has progressed smoothly up to this point.”

She pauses and looks back at him. “Have you...spoken to a therapist? I noticed that your treating physician made a referral for counseling when you were originally discharged, but…”

Eddie clears his throat roughly. “Yeah, no, I, uh...with the PT schedule and everything else going on, I never followed up with that. But I’ve been fine. It never seemed necessary.”

“With all due respect, Mr. Diaz,” the doctor says, “you’re in the emergency room because of an acute stress response in which your brain tricked your body into believing you were in danger to such an extent that you thought you were dying. I’m not sure you’re as fine as you think.”

There’s probably some truth to that. Eddie can admit that much. But that doesn’t mean he needs—he’s been shot before. He’s been in a warzone. He didn’t need therapy to move forward from it then and he shouldn’t now. He can—he can handle this. He can make himself get over it.

He’s already spent months leaning heavily on everyone around him. The thought of not being okay, of asking for more help when he’s finally easing back into working, when things are finally getting back to normal, when they all have their own issues to focus on—

God, it makes him want to throw up.

So...no. He’s okay. Because not being okay isn’t an option.

He’s fine. The panic attack was...a fluke.

“I appreciate the advice,” Eddie says finally. “I’ll think about it.”

He can tell the doctor doesn’t believe him when her lips thin.

“You know, more likely than not, the panic attacks will keep happening if you do nothing,” she points out. “Ignoring this won’t make it go away.”

“I understand,” Eddie replies. “If that’s all, does that mean I can get out of here?”

The doctor sighs. “Sure.”

Eddie’s phone rings while he’s in an Uber on the way back to his truck. It’s Ana.

He swears under his breath as he sees the time—he hadn’t called anyone, hadn’t wanted the hospital to call anyone either, but that means he’s now late for a date that he doesn’t really want to keep after everything and further doesn’t leave him with any good excuses for his absence except the truth which...he doesn’t really want to admit.

Before the shooting, Carla told him to make sure he was following his heart. And he’s been too exhausted and focused on his recovery to really think too hard about that. But now—

For a moment, Eddie considers it. Telling Ana the truth. Showing her some of the dark, messy, ugly pieces of himself. Being vulnerable.

The very idea makes him recoil. Not because he thinks she would run away necessarily, but because he just...can’t.

He can’t. Not with her.

And if he’s that uncomfortable with the idea of letting in someone he’s been dating for over half a year, if he can’t imagine himself ever actually being comfortable with that...then what the hell is he doing?

He calls her back when he gets to his truck.

“Hey—I’m so sorry, I had a little emergency—yeah, everything’s fine now, but I’m not sure I’m up for going out. Can I meet you at your place? ...okay, great. See you soon.”

He may know even less about ending a relationship than he does about dating in general, but he figures he at least owes it to her to end things in person.

*

Eddie goes to work on Monday feeling fine. Great, even. He sleeps well the night before, he gets Christopher off to school on time, traffic is light enough that he gets to the station early—

Everything is fine. By all accounts it should be a good day.

At least, that’s what he thinks right up until all of them get different emergency alerts sent to their phones and they find out the city’s systems have been hacked. From that point forward, everything is chaos. Damage control. Twenty-car pile-ups because stoplights are being messed with, an outbreak of animals from the zoo when the electric locks on their enclosures released—

Eddie’s fine though. He’s fine. It’s nothing he can’t handle—in fact, he’s usually great with chaos. He’s focused and sure and capable. Nothing else matters but the work, certainly not himself. When he’s busy, he has no time to think about anything else.

The gradually worsening tension in his shoulders can be ignored. The way he has to clench his hands into fists to keep them from shaking in a way he hasn’t had to do since his earliest days in Afghanistan can be brushed off. He doesn’t have time to think about anything but the jobs in front of him, which means he doesn’t have time to think about his own state.

Brush it off, pick yourself up, keep moving forward. That’s what he knows, that’s what he can do.

Except, then they end up at the hospital and—

A medevac helicopter falls off the roof. Bobby nearly joins it. Buck and Eddie barely manage to get him back.

A cold sweat breaks out on Eddie’s brow as Bobby leans heavily against the wall next to the roof access door to catch his breath. His stomach roils. He doesn’t feel fully connected to his own body, caught somehow between present and past, a rooftop in Los Angeles and a desert in Afghanistan.

He breathes in. He tamps down on the rising panic.

Bobby is fine. The helicopter pilots and their patient are fine.

He’s fine. He’s fine.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie jumps at the question, his head whipping around to find the source. Buck’s brow furrows as he holds up his hands.

“Sorry,” Buck says quietly. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Eddie swallows hard and shakes his head. “You’re fine, don’t worry about it.”

He glances toward the door. “You know, I think I’m going to head back down,” he says, hoping Buck won’t notice the fact that he hasn’t answered the original question. “I want to make sure the pilots are holding up alright.”

“I can come—” Buck starts to offer, only for Eddie to cut him off.

“Someone should stay with Bobby,” he replies. He forces a smile as Buck’s eyes search his face. “I’ll be fine.”

Buck glances at Bobby, then back to Eddie before he finally nods.

“Okay,” he says. “But here, take the radio. If anything happens—”

“I’ll let you know.”

Eddie makes it down one flight of stairs before he decides to take the elevator the rest of the way down. The numbers on the top of the doors tick down, down, down—

And then, abruptly, the elevator lurches to a halt, throwing Eddie off balance and into the wall as the lights go out, plunging him into total darkness.

His ears ring from the impact.

He’s trapped. Trapped in a metal box in the dark. A box that could easily become a coffin if the emergency stop failed and sent it careening down to crash at the bottom of the elevator shaft.

Eddie’s breathing speeds up against his will. His chest starts to hurt.

Not again, he thinks vaguely. Not here, not now, not again.

But. He can’t move. He can’t breathe. Some distant part of his mind recognizes that what he’s feeling isn’t real, that he just needs to calm down, but he can’t—

He’s going to die. He’s going to—

The radio crackles in his belt.

“Eddie? Eddie! Can you hear me?”

Eddie’s mind latches onto the sound of Buck’s voice like a lifeline in an ocean of distress. It takes him a moment to make his trembling hands work through their numbness, to remind his fingers how to work the buttons, but eventually, he lifts the radio to his mouth.

“I’m here,” he says. His voice shakes. “I’m in the elevator. It’s—I don’t know which floor. Or if I’m between floors. I don’t—”

He shudders. His eyes close, not that it really matters given how dark the space is already.

“It’s okay,” Buck replies. “It’s okay, Eddie, we’ll find you. We’ll get you out, don’t worry.”

“I don’t want to die here.” It slips out of him before he can pull it back. Buck takes a sharp breath on the other end of the line.

“That’s not going to happen,” Buck says firmly, although his own voice seems less steady than usual. “I would never let that happen. I’ve got your back, remember? Always.”

A shudder rips down Eddie’s spine and he slides against the wall to sit on the floor. The walls still feel too restricting, like they’re closing in on him more each moment that he looks away.

The radio crackles again.

“Eddie. What can I do? What do you need?” Buck asks.

I don’t know. I don’t—I can’t—

“Eddie.” The fear and desperation in Buck’s voice cuts through the fog in Eddie’s mind.

He never wants Buck to sound like that.

“Keep talking?” Eddie replies. “I—just keep talking to me. Please?”

Don’t go, is what he really means. Stay with me.

He’s never allowed himself to say those things though. Not during the early days of the pandemic when they were sharing a bed in Buck’s loft. Not after he moved back home with Christopher and the other side of his bed felt too empty for sleep to come easily. And certainly not after he started dating Ana.

During his recovery, he never had to ask Buck for anything really. Buck was always just...there. Even though he was with Taylor, he was still there with Eddie and with Christopher whenever Eddie needed him. Like he knew somehow. Or maybe as if he needed to be there as much as Eddie needed him there.

Eddie hasn’t looked too closely at any of that. He’s not ready to. It’s too much, too complicated, too—too—

Dangerous.

“What do you want to talk about?”

Eddie swallows hard as his head rests against the wall. As he allows the sound of Buck’s voice to wrap around him like armor. Like home. Insulating him against the panic and isolation.

“Anything,” he says quietly. “Just keep talking.”

And Buck does. He talks about everything and nothing, random facts and stories from his past that Eddie hasn’t heard before, he talks and talks and talks until his voice grows hoarse in Eddie’s ear and the pressure on Eddie’s lungs eases.

Eddie exhales shakily and takes a few deep breaths as he continues to listen, as his body shifts from hyper-awareness and panic to wrung out exhaustion. When Buck finally cuts off, it’s because there’s an ugly screech of metal as the elevator doors are pried open, as light filters back in.

Eddie’s legs are unsteady as he gets to his feet. He trips on the edge of the elevator door when he exits—

Buck catches him before he can fall. Because of course he does.

“Thank you,” Eddie breathes into Buck’s shoulder as he finds his balance.

Buck shakes his head. “I promised we’d get you out, didn’t I? Besides, I—I shouldn’t have let you go alone.”

“I decided—”

“I shouldn’t have let you,” Buck repeats, low but insistent. His eyes meet Eddie’s and Eddie swallows hard.

“You weren’t okay. Were you?” Buck asks. And Eddie—

He wants to lie. Part of him does at least.

But he can’t lie to Buck.

Not to Buck.

“No,” he confesses. It’s half a whisper. “No, I wasn’t.”

Buck bites his lip and nods once.

“Okay,” he says. “We’ll figure it out.”

And somehow, Eddie believes him.