#and pretending to be a burglar

[im-secretly-a-frog]

Thinking about what hobbits think of shoes.

They don't wear them, they've never needed them. Hobbits rarely venture outside their hometowns, and their hometowns are populated exclusively by Hobbits in most cases (correct me if I'm wrong) so most of them never see shoes in their lives.

So, therefore, would they be freaked out by shoes? Would they simply accept this as a weird thing that outsiders do? Like I feel like Merry and Pippin would have bothered their traveling companions with questions about them. "What are you wearing on your feet?" "Why are you wearing those?" "Are your feet weak?"

And then Sam would just assume that those ARE their feet. He would be so freaked out as soon as someone took off their shoes, but he wouldn't mention it to anyone but Frodo. Frodo, being the way he is would have figured out exactly what shoes are and what they're for, though he would still be perplexed as to why anyone would need them, and he would try to explain to Sam. Sam of course would still be freaked out, but would believe him.

I've spent far too long thinking about this.

[avianssphere]

me and the alabasta outifts have a special connection only we understand

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Replenishing the Nonfiction Stack; or, We're Calling the Book Buying Ban a Wash, Officially.

I am not, apparently, immune to coupons for niche nonfiction that's directly up my alley (octopus minds and RUSSIAN OWLS, hello??? Thanks, bookshop!).

I thought perhaps the BURGLAR'S GUIDE would also be covered under said coupon, since it was publisher-specific (alas: it was Not, but we might as well bundle for shipping purposes). And then while I was shopping IRL for gifties I found a copy of ROOM, which has been on my list for...ever? So! Hopefully these will hold me over on the nonfiction front for a minute!

[beanghostprincess]

Nami finds out Sanji and Usopp are dating during Punk Hazard because every time she checks if Usopp is fine he mistakes her for Sanji and won't stop calling her pet names and flirting with her by mistake. He is lucky he doesn't try kissing Sanji because otherwise, Nami would hit him so hard he'd be sent to space

[chialattea]

Nami WIP + some chibi doodles heheeee

[gildedmuse]

Usopp: I don't know.... Just tell them you're gay.

Sanji: But I'm not gay...

Nami: So bi then.

Sanji: Excuse me Nami-chan, I hate to disagree with such an angel! But I'm not bi, either!

Robin: Why not? More men should be bi.

Nami: Yeah, like, get over yourself. "Oh, I'm good with being a pirate but making out with a hot guy is a step to far"?

Usopp: I mean he-

Robin: Nami is corret. It's unforgivable.

[samstronomy]

my gf manipulated me today

that’s awesome. good for her. we need more female manipulators ❤️

[kaleyarts]

“…I’m gonna make a map of the whole world!”

[silentstep]

           “Mahal in his forges— it’s the same old story,” said Dis with clear disgust.  “He was your father and you love him, fine; I do not forgive him one jot for not supporting his wife in her career the way she did for him in his.”

           “I beg your pardon: my father never worked a day in his life,” said Bilbo icily.

           “See, what’s really weird is that you sound proud of that,” Dis snorted.  “Seriously, I don’t care how rich either of them were, do you think there’s a male thief out there of half her caliber to whom it would even occur to give it all up just because he got married and had a kid? But Belladonna Took has to get completely out of the game if she wants to start a family.  That’s exactly why I’ve never married and never will.”

           “Duna’s married,” said Dori.

           Dis pointed emphatically with the knife.  “Yes, to my cousin, whom you better believe I brought up to know better.  Oh, damn—” She shook the knife close to her ear. “Thorin, the hilt’s coming loose.”

           “Triple-riveted full tang and it still comes loose,” sighed Thorin, taking it from her and tapping the hilt with his fingers. “You’re right, Princess, I’m sorry that’s happened.  Here, take this one for now—I know it’s not to your standards, just as a loaner.  I’ll get you this one back as soon as I can.”

           “Do,” she commanded.  “I’m not going to be patient, that’s one of my top four knives.”

           Thorin inclined his head smiling, this apparently being a compliment, and Dis turned the knife he’d handed her back and forth with a grimace, peering at the blade.

           Bifur rumbled a long sentence, and Dis grimaced again, then turned back to Bilbo.  “He says that if Belladonna wanted to get married and stay in the game both, she could have married Bombur and had all the support in the world, and that I’m projecting.  I don’t think I’m wrong, but he said you should hear it and that’s fair.”

[scarefox]

WTF is he doing with the screwdriver???

I am not an expert but I am pretty sure that’s not how you pick a lock.

[earthdeep]

good grief nothing makes your day quite like having a couple police officers at your door asking after your sister 😥

luckily it was just some ID stuff of hers by chance getting into the hands of some ne'er-do-wells which with any luck they've not done anything with. but jfc. that's a hell of an adrenalin rush of a conversation.

[onemightygoldfish]

Wdym "shark infested waters"???? THEY LITERALLY LIVE THERE!!

[mrbuttplugsandbongs]

My birthday is this month so I bought myself a new dab rig

His name is Ringo.

[roosterr]

if ur requests are open, could we have like 141 falling asleep on the reader??? like different scenarios for each of them like price falls asleep accidentally and so does ghost while gaz and soap are like cuddling or laying on the reader :) i love ur writing so much <333

the 141 falls asleep on you

wc: 2.1k

hello!!! been struggling to love my writing for like the last month so i really hope you enjoy, and i'm sorry in advance lol its mostly fluffy but i just couldn't help myself with a lil bit of angst :)

price

✹ when you hear the front door open in the middle of the night – or, technically, early morning – the first thought your sleep-addled mind comes up with is that you're being robbed.

✹ with your heart in your throat, you sit up in bed and stare wide-eyed at the bedroom door, but your fear is short lived when a dull thud meets your ears, followed by a familiar curse that has you breathing a sigh of relief.

✹ your husband, coming home at last from a night of drinking with the other members of the taskforce, presumably stubbing his toe on the sofa that hasn't moved an inch since you put it there all those years ago.

✹ with a deep yawn, you get back under the covers and let your eyes fall shut again, the knowledge that it was john downstairs and not a burglar putting your racing heart to rest.

✹ you don't react when he clumsily slips through the door, fighting the laugh that threatens to give you away when you hear him swear under his breath after bumping into yet another piece of furniture.

✹ the cold air sends goosebumps rippling across your skin when he lifts the covers to clamber in beside you, but the chill is quickly chased away by his hands bringing you into his chest and his enveloping warmth.

✹ "and what time do you call this?" you tease in a whisper, opening your eyes to see his guilty ones looking back at you. the slight flush in his cheeks and his half-lidded gaze gives him a boyish charm that you can't even pretend to be mad at.

✹ "sorry darlin', didn't mean to wake you..." he murmurs in return, a sheepish smile pulling at one side of his lips.

✹ "well, i'm glad you had a good time," you punctuate your reply by placing a light kiss on the bridge of his nose, which prompts his smile to grow wider as he hugs your body to his own.

✹ "i'm havin' a better time now, love." he ghosts his lips over yours as he whispers, earning another tiny chuckle from you, his fingers tracing patterns into the skin of your back under your shirt.

✹ you can smell the whisky on his breath as he leans even further into you, and taste it when he closes the distance to devour your lips in a passionate, if slightly messy, kiss.

✹ he sighs into your mouth, his lips falling from yours when he rolls you onto your back to lay his head on your chest, and like a switch, he's dead asleep.

✹ "john?" you whisper, in a sort of disbelief that he was actually asleep just like that, but he doesn't even flinch when you gently poke his cheek. "oh my god…"

✹ once the morning rolls around, you both share a laugh about his drunken state from the night before, and he makes you promise not to tell the boys he passed out in the middle of kissing you.

✹ you just laugh and file it away for future blackmail.

gaz

✹ the two of you were watching a movie late one night, the first time you've had time to yourselves in months thanks to the never-ending workload you both seem to be under.

✹ the dim mood lighting of your flat combined with the comforting feeling of finally being alone with kyle is nearly enough to send you to sleep already, but your want to spent time with him keeps you awake.

✹ kyle watches you stifle a yawn as he presses play on the movie, and tugs you to lean against him with an arm around your shoulders and a teasing grin. "promise you won't fall asleep this time?"

✹ you look up to him from where your head rests against his collar and huff, a smile of your own playing on your lips as you nudge him lightly with your elbow. "maybe i should be the one asking that."

✹ the bags under his eyes leave no question about how tired he really is, but he was the one that insisted the two of you spend time together tonight, despite the exhaustion you knew he was hiding.

✹ "and leave you all by yourself?" he chuckles, "never, love."

✹ a comfortable quiet settles over you while you watch the movie together; kyle's choice, something action-y you've never seen before, but you know he's seen it a million times. he occasionally adds commentary to make you laugh which he, naturally, manages to do every time.

✹ as the movie plays, you gradually migrate to laying on the sofa on your back with kyle between your legs and his head on your sternum. you absentmindedly run your nails over his scalp, gently massaging his head while he hugs your waist.

✹ it's about two-thirds of the way through the movie that you realise kyle hasn't said anything in a while. you pause your ministrations, smoothing over his curls as you turn your gaze from the screen to where he lays on top of you.

✹ a soft smile lights up your face when your eyes land on his blissfully relaxed features, sound asleep and breathing in time with the steady rise and fall of your chest.

✹ you continue to watch the movie in silence, occasionally petting kyle's hair when he grumbles in his sleep. he deserves the rest, you muse, and something about how peaceful he looks means you can't even entertain the idea of disturbing him. and you would definitely tease him that he fell asleep like he said he wouldn't.

✹ even once the movie has finished, and your back has started to ache from the position against the armrest, you still don't dare wake him. tomorrow was an off day for both of you, so there was no need to go anywhere – as if you would ever want to, intertwined with your boyfriend and surrounded by his warmth.

✹ you close your eyes, give him one last squeeze, and whisper into the silence, "sweet dreams, kyle."

soap

✹ it wasn't supposed to happen like this.

✹ everything was supposed to go smoothly, you'd get what you came for, and you'd be home in time for dinner.

✹ but it hadn't happened like that  of course it didn't. you were on your way out, with johnny by your side, when a sudden noise from behind you caught your attention.

✹ you spin around to see a dishevelled soldier aiming their gun at you, but you noticed just a second too late. you can do little more than watch as they pull the trigger, a sick sense of horror travelling up your spine as time seems to slow down.

✹ there's a split second where you brace to feel the bullet lodge somewhere in your body, but that impact never comes.

✹ with a speed you didn't know he possessed, johnny tackles you to the ground and out of the path of the bullet, landing on top of you and pushing the air from your lungs.

✹ you lay winded underneath him, the sound of him returning fire vaguely reaching your ears but it takes a second for your mind to catch up.

✹ it’s quiet by the time you come back to your senses, johnny already pulling you to stand with a strained grunt.

✹ "johnny?" you frown, taking note of how he favours one side when he urges you to start walking again, "you okay?"

✹ "fine, darlin’, let’s just–" he winces, stumbling ever so slightly and trying to play it off by pushing you in front of him, "let’s just get home, aye?"

✹ your frown deepens. you turn around and stop him with your hands on his shoulders, and it's then that you notice how laboured his breathing has become.

✹ "you're not fine, soap!" your heart sinks as you watch the patches of blood on his leg grow steadily darker, "why didn't you tell me you were hit?"

✹ he doesn't flinch at the anger in your voice, or when you haul his arm over your shoulder and resume dragging him the rest of the way to the helo. he mumbles incoherent that sounds like an apology, but your only focus is getting him to safety and stopping the bleeding.

✹ the others are already waiting for you as the exfil site comes into view, and the moment they spot you shouldering johnny's weight they spring into action to help you.

✹ johnny is dragged up the ramp and made to lay on the floor as gaz and ghost make short work of packing the bullet wound in his thigh with gauze.

✹ you lift his shoulders and head to rest in your lap, grimacing at the pained groans he lets out when ghost puts his weight on the wound.

✹ "why didn't you tell me?" you utter, tilting his head back with your hands on his cheeks and meeting his distant gaze with your brows knitted together in concern.

✹ he musters a weak smile and lets his eyes flutter shut, the muscles in his face visibly relax. "i’m fine… ‘slong as yer okay, bonnie…"

ghost

✹ sometimes you wondered if ghost ever slept.

✹ he would always volunteer himself for the first watch, and he was up before you without fail every morning. on base he always seemed to be in the gym before everyone, and in his office after everyone else has left. he was frustratingly elusive.

✹ it worried you, that perhaps he had trouble sleeping. it made sense, however saddening, that someone like him wouldn't sleep well, but it was even worse that he brushed off your concern for him with practised ease.

✹ he made sure to take care of others, but wouldn't let you try and do the same for him. perhaps he thought you were joking, or that you were only being courteous, but your mind always goes back to one thing; the theory that, for some people, it's only possible for them to fall asleep when they feel safe.

✹ you wanted to be that for him, like he was for you.

✹ you do your best to forget about your rejected concerns for him, and the thought all but slips your mind until a mission two months later.

✹ it was long, drawn-out, and gruelling, and all you wanted to do was get home and have a shower hot enough to melt your skin. it had been almost a week since you've had a moment to catch your breath, and you were more than thankful to be on the way home.

✹ even if that meant being squashed into the back of an suv with soap passed out on your left and ghost on your right. gaz called shotgun and wouldn't give it up for anything, so here you were, shoulder to shoulder with the lieutenant you may or may not harbour feelings for.

✹ the five of you have been on the road for a couple of hours now. the conversation has died down by now and and the quiet hum of the radio was the only sound, besides soap's intermittent snores.

✹ you're on the verge of passing out yourself when a weight drops onto your shoulder, and you have to fight yourself not to jump with the start it gives you.

✹ your tired eyes look to the source and to your utter surprise, they find the dark fabric of ghost's balaclava resting against you, and when you tilt your head you can see the blond of his eyelashes against his cheeks.

✹ the sight brings a smile to your face. as subtle as possible, you shift as much as the limited space of the backseat will allow so his neck isn't bent at such an awkward angle.

✹ he fell asleep on you. perhaps it was just because of the exhaustion this mission left him with, but you like to think back on your theory from weeks ago as you admire the restful expression he wears.

✹ your stop fighting your own exhaustion and let your eyes fall shut, and with your last thread of consciousness you file this memory away for later, and hope that it really does mean that he feels safe with you.

[emporium]

Tumblr Yearbook Magnet (Three Pack) • $6.00

So why should you buy a fridge magnet? Well, let’s start with the obvious, they’re the low-cost alternative to a home security system. How, you ask? Well, imagine a burglar entering your kitchen only to be distracted by your impressive collection of magnets from around the world. He might even start organizing them by continent, or wondering why there’s a magnet from a place called ‘Boring, Oregon’!

Now, on a more serious note (or maybe not), they are the perfect tool to hold up your kid’s artwork or those utility bills you keep pretending don’t exist. And let’s face it, your fridge just feels naked without them. In a nutshell, if you ever felt the need for a mini-gallery of randomness in your life, fridge magnets are your best bet!

Each order includes 3 magnets

1.96″ x 1.7″ in size

Thin & lightweight

[super-marvel-dc]

Steve: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Bucky, Wade, and Y/N: Ok.

Steve: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

Bucky: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Y/N: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

Wade: Bold of you to assume I can die.