#and quite frankly I'm still NOT over rose and I don't think I ever will be

[camellcat]

what happened. what happened. I could not get myself to get into martha OR donna but OHH lookie here folks AMY AMELIA POND comes on screen and it takes me 10 MINUTES to fall in love. WHAT! how. weird. sus. suspicious. how did u do that miss

[metacrisisdoctor]

tentoorose & the gift of domestic life

in my personal opinion it's kind of deeply simplistic to say that tentoorose wouldn't settle down bc they "need" to travel when both of these things are refuted in the narrative multiple times.

i'm gonna go over this under the cut.

to start this conversation somewhere let's start with how tip/tsp is all about them not needing the tardis and travel as long as they're together, and how losing it would be hard - but they'd still be happy on any random planet because being stuck together isn't so bad - the foundation to their life in pete's world is laid here. this is really massively important because you can see that rose saying this touches the doctor, because it's him realizing that it's him that she loves and not what he offers her. if you take the doctor avoiding the subject as him dismissing it instead of him wanting something he thinks he cannot have, then you are misunderstanding the intention behind it.

it's a beautiful culmination when he literally and metaphorically allows himself to fall later in these episodes. he's asked if he has faith and he says he believes he hasn't seen everything, which is why he keeps traveling. this is left in the air until he faces the devil, without his tardis, so small and seemingly unimportant and the only thing that matters to him is the love between himself and rose. and that love translates into his belief in her; in not only his faith in her ability to also beat the devil, but also in saying that he has seen a lot of the universe and believes in one thing: her, he is saying that he has found all he has ever looked for with rose and if this is his final test; the end of it all-that is fine because he is finished searching even if there is more out there.

that's why him saying "here you are, living a life day after day, the one adventure i can never have." in doomsday is so painful, because it's a vocal confirmation of the reasoning behind his avoidant behavior throughout season two. the depth of feeling he has for rose paralyzes him because he has already lost everything, and now he knows he has found a home with her that he will also lose.

but it goes even farther than all of that. it goes all the way back to nine in father's day, "street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. i've never had a life like that." that bit of yearning to slow down and just be with rose in one place is already seeping into his being then, and it becomes completely central to his character when he regenerates into ten.

the fact that he wants to settle down to a certain extent, to have a human life with rose, and cannot have it is why he represses his feelings for her after seeing sarah jane - and it's only in the later half of s2 after, poetically, visiting pete's world that he allows himself to start to open up to her a bit despite knowing he will lose this new family he has found someday. even in late season two there is a barrier they cannot cross because of his immortality, not because he doesn't want the things rose does. it's because their life spans do not match and never will, and he would never want her to be immortal because he sees his own immortality as a curse, which we see him state in the lazarus experiment.

people claim rose wouldn't want to settle down either, but it takes a lot of ignoring things rose says in order to make this true, quite frankly. rose loves adventure and travel, but what she really loves is the sense of purpose the doctor has brought to her life by showing her what she is capable of outside the constraints of estate life, as she says "it was a better life. and i don't mean all the travelling and aliens and spaceships and things, that don't matter. the doctor showed me a better way of living your life." this is something she does not lose in doomsday and it's still not something she loses in journey's end.

and the thing is, we see multiple times that rose wants to settle down with the doctor and pushes it away because she has decided to spend her life at his side. since she knows he cannot do this, partly out of his duty to the univese and partly because he isn't human, she accepts that she never will either. in army of ghosts when jackie asks if she'll ever settle down she looks so sad when she says, "the doctor never will so i can't. i'll just keep travelling." this is such a heavy moment because it shows that this is something rose has considered, something that she does want because if she didn't she would just say so, and something she herself has begun to repress to support him.

not every relationship has to end with a house and kids, but the doctor and rose are a relationship where the foundation to where they got in the end is dangled in front of them, almost cruelly, the entire time. so the idea that them having it would be too boring or something they would feel isn't enough for a fulfilled life is misunderstanding what their relationship was about in the first place.

do i think they still do alien things? of course. do i think they travel? of course! do they still have a home to come back to? a family to have christmas with? a life to live side by side until they're old and grey? of course. those things do not go against each other. settling down doesn't mean they don't have fun, they don't explore, they don't break rules or grow their own tardis. it just means that they get to have an equal and shared life together with a safe place to always come back to for the rest of their lives, which is what they both always wanted.

without understanding all of these things, it dims the tenth doctor's sacrifice in journey's end and leads to people not fully grasping his descent into madness when he is denied this life that he so desperately wants but is denied in this life. in the confidential for journey's end david tennant says, "by gifting rose this other doctor he is not allowing himself to go back." because if tentoo did not exist he would tear apart reality to get her back as the timelord victorious and the only ONLY thing that stops him from doing so is that her happiness is what matters to him, and he knows that tentoo will make her happy because they are the same man with different opportunities who made different choices because the universe showed him the kindness of mortality.

tldr: the doctor and rose love travelling, but they don't need to travel to have fulfilled lives and they never did. that's part of what makes their relationship special and this is part of the canon narrative so much so that there is a song on the season two soundtrack about it.

[jannwrites]

film ask meme : SAINT MAUD (2019) directed by ROSE GLASS.

a selection of lines from the 2019 film saint maud. modified slightly for rp purposes.

forgive me my impatience but i hope you will reveal your plan for me soon.

can you feel that?

i daresay you'll be seeing this one soon.

who's your saint?

you're prettier than the last one.

you can't just lock yourself up here. you should be around people.

don't be petulant. you're getting dangerously norma desmond.

sorry to call you back early.

things are different now.

take care of yourself, darling.

no one sees what they don't want to.

stay with me. i don't want to be alone.

have you seen a lot of death?

when you pray, do you get a response?

nothing feels real anymore.

i keep thinking about that last moment and wondering what it will be like.

tell me I'm wrong.

my little savior.

to save a soul, that's quite something.

i can see you.

don't let her drink too much.

honey, come back to me.

no hard feelings. i'm sure you're great in bed.

it's not right that she spends her last days getting worked up over a silly girl that doesn't care about her.

i am reminded of myself in the first flushes of your love.

it's no fun if you cheat.

i wasn't expecting to hear from you.

i will go to bed when i damn well like.

don't run away. i'm talking to you.

you got a little carried away, didn't you?

no. you're lost.

there's my little saint.

you know you shouldn't take anything i say serious.

you should have some fun while you still can.

i've got more important things on my mind.

how could mere human frivolity possibly complete with the heavenly father's warm heart?

[name] expressed other concerns.

all i feel of you now is this pain.

if you're trying to teach me something, i can't see what it is.

quite frankly, it all just seems such a waste.

i was ready and open and alive, and this is my reward.

perhaps you aren't as wise as i thought.

i can't help but feel an act of spite has occurred.

i shudder to think what awaits those who shun you.

you never seemed to like me that much.

you owe me a drink.

i thought i did what you told me to do.

please don't let me fall again.

i should have expected resistance. nothing worthwhile comes easy.

never waste your pain.

what if you are smirking or indifferent or think me a clueless idiot?

how will i know what to do?

it was sweet of you to come but you mustn't worry.

you're right. back then, i was so lost.

i was unkind to you.

you made me think of things i didn't want to.

you must be the loneliest girl i've ever seen.

snap out of it, honey.

you have no idea how dull it is to be dying.

i hate to be the one to break it to you but it's just you and me here.

nothing you do matters.

take some responsibility for your actions.

it's clear now you are as weak as your faith.

[aeg1ss]

Ways to say "I love you"

A short, amateur Lokius fanfic - all characters belong to Marvel.

---

Love. Love, love, love. What's it good for? How to prove it? By sacrificing oneself for the other? Or by sacrificing the world for them?

    Something Loki could never quite place his finger on was a way to show love. The God of Mischief let out a quiet groan, a botanic book with the flowers' meanings in front of him as he tried to find the best kind to surprise his boyfriend. It had only been a day since he figured out a way to leave Yggradsil, and he had yet to meet with Mobius - or as he called himself now, Don.

    Eyes scanning the pages, his black hair a mess, his black suit as fitting as ever, an annoyed expression on his face. Why did so many flowers mean love? Just how many were there? Roses, Forget-Me-Nots, Peonies, Orchids... How was he supposed to choose?

"I give up." The God sighed, snapping his fingers and transforming the book into a bouquet of... well, every flower he could think of. From Roses all the way to Edelweiss, passing by Daisies and Delphiniums. He stared at the bouquet for a moment and added a pink ribbon. Pink represents love on midgard after all, right? He took a deep breath and opened himself a portal near Mobius' house.

    Another deep breath. It's going to be okay. He fixed his tie, suit and hair and approached the front yard, getting knocked off his feet and landing on the ground with flowers all over the place, a puppy husky standing on his chest, wagging its tail happily and licking his face, letting out occasional barks. He gasped, trying to push the dog off himself, but being unable to. Did a puppy just defeat the God of Stories?

"Ivy! Ivy, get off him." Loki heard a familiar voice. His face turned dark red within a moment. How embarrassing was that? The pup whined, ears and tail down as it eventually got off him. Mobius approached him and smiled with slight amusement, a hint of adoration in his eyes as he held out his hand to help him get up. "I recall you throwing off Tony Stark off a tower, but you're unable to fight off a two month old dog?" The man teased him, making Loki roll his eyes. He got up and wiped his face, looking at the flowers with a sad expression.

"I'm truly sorry, Mobius. I was trying to surprise you with flowers and I wasn't sure which ones symbolize what and I knew midgardians care for that for some reason and it turned out that so many of them represent love and I just gave up and got each flower that symbolizes love and-" The God took a deep breath in to calm himself down after his fast and incoherent answer. He smiled awkwardly. "I'm sorry. I wanted this to go differently. I didn't know that you own one of those midgardian monsters now."

"Monsters?" Mobius' eyebrow went up, his amusement growing even more. "Sean and Kevin would hate you if they heard that!" He let out a lighthearted chuckle and looked at the flowers. "It's still really sweet you went through all this trouble for me. Thank you, Loki." His amusement died down and he was left with a loving look on his face, eyes focused on the taller man. "But... There are more ways to say 'I love you'."

"Such as?" The Asgardian looked a little taken aback by Mobius' statement, his eyes narrowed a little. The older man pulled him in, one hand wrapped at the back of his neck and the other resting on his cheek as he pecked his lips. Loki looked away slightly embarrassed by the sudden show of affection. "Oh. Right." He chuckled awkwardly, a hint of fondness in his eyes.

    The visit certainly will be an unforgettable one.

    What a shame he has to go back within a week...

---

Frankly, I don't know what this is, I was just extremely bored in biology and didn't want to calculate the density of granite hence... Whatever this is.

[touchstoneaf]

So... I think I'm quitting Doctor Who for a while; possibly forever. I haven't decided yet, but I'm definitely done for now. I got to the end of season 4, and I was So Freaking Excited to see Rose again that I couldn't even breathe for most of the season. Every time they teased it I felt like I was going to puke, I was so stoked and so upset about all the near misses... And when we got her back she was so capable and so awesome... Even though it upset me that they spent an episode & a half keeping them apart and wasting time, and, and... And she had grown So Much, and she was fighting So Damn Hard, even against the impossible, to keep her promise to him, to never leave him; the only person who ever really fully made that promise and worked so hard to do it that I know of (tho to be fair I didn't watch the Sarah Jane stuff or any of the earlier stuff yet... But still, it really hits, doesn't it?).... and I simply couldn't wait to see them back together again! And their mutual relief and joy in the reunion is so palpable... And then.

And then.

I CANNOT. I'm so pissed off at the way they ended it I was up all night pacing my room ranting to myself, and I can't even watch the final S4 episode; with him alone with neither of them. Alone again... because this one time, after fighting so hard to be back with him, Rose chooses an alternate version of him... and chooses to *leave him* by it?! I cannot watch Ten, having lost a new friend, but also having lost the person who was almost single-handedly responsible for the version of himself he is at that particular moment in time. I just...

I'm okay with and understand that Billie Piper didn't want to continue, but I just can't buy it. It simply doesn't wash for me. It seems wildly OOC, and just highlights how resigned the Doctor is to being deserted, and losing people, and I'm ANGRY. Nay, I'm FURIOUS. Honestly I don't think I can deal with the format anymore, after this. I can't watch him get attached to people and then watch him lose them over and over and over again. I just can't do it.

Tenrose broke me, and I don't think I can continue in the Whoniverse. It was a short journey, but if I ever want to return to that universe, I think I'll just rewatch the first two to four seasons (and watch him as 14, maybe). For one, I think I didn't give Martha enough props. I was too busy dealing with my emotions over losing Rose in Doomsday, and I didn't really pay enough attention to Martha to really give her what she deserved. And frankly, I probably didn't give Donna her props either, because I remained upset, and they were teasing Rose the whole time (which I'm glad they did, don't get me wrong; because otherwise I think it would have been too long of a gap without her for us to really fully remember till they were in the same scene together, what it was like with them. But still. It definitely impacted my ability to enjoy the Donna dynamic).

I will need to rewatch anyway to do my fix-it fic... this this being inevitable conclusion to my journey here. That's how i survive these sorts of things. I need to be able to sleep again. And I can't, as long as that infuriating ending is still in my head and playing behind my eyelids.

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

5. Has your OC always had the same opinion of themselves or has this changed over time? Have they learned to love themselves - perhaps with the help of others - as their journey progressed? Or have the consequences of their actions only served to erode their sense of self-worth? for Aemon

You know what, this is sort of perfect for him, because a lot of his character arc is about this & this ask gives me a chance to really think about it.

Minor spoilers for Chapter 13 (I've already alluded to them, but I'm noting it anyway) & beyond are below the cut.

When we first meet Aemon as a sentient character in Chapter 11/"Be Not A Bed Of Roses," he doesn't have the most developed sense of who he is, because he's 5, but he trusts the world & the people in it & thinks well about himself because he's never been given a reason not to. He "knows" how his life is going to go with all the confidence of a child who has been loved & nurtured, & who has an older sister he looks up to that has given him a tangible goal that she herself accomplished. He's not always sure of himself, because again, five-years-old, but those fears are, generally, other people's problems & have nothing to do with how he sees himself. He maintains this throughout Chapter 12/"In The Name Of The Mother, In The Name Of The Father," as well because not a lot different happens to him.

In Chapter 13 (tentatively 2 halves, we'll see what it starts looking like when I get to writing) things get to be a different story. He was the only one there when his mom died, he saw what happened & he was powerless to stop what was going on because he was 6 & was too physically weak to do anything, & because he hadn't claimed Silverwing at that point. There was, quite literally, nothing he could have done to stop what was going on, & he blacks out before going largely non-verbal for a good month-and-a-half. He doesn't necessarily blame himself for what happened, not fully anyway. He definitely lays blame at Daemon's feet because, well, he's who did it. But Aemon does think he should have been able to do something: if he was big & strong like Ser Gerold & Ser Gunthor he could have stopped his dad, if he had claimed Silverwing earlier he could have stopped his dad. Just a lot of really heavy stuff that he lays on himself even though he's really young, that he sort of buckles under the weight of for a while & lets control a lot of things that happen once he's sent to be fostered in The North.

It takes a really long time for him to recover from actively thinking about how he could have/should have done something, & from how badly he views his response to the direct & quite frankly dark trauma of witnessing his mom's murder. Truthfully, a lot of it doesn't every really leave him: he trains ridiculously hard to get Big And Strong because he doesn't want to ever be in a situation where he can't protect someone ever again, he hates how he clams up and reverts to how he was when the trauma was fresh if he's put in a situation that makes him confront Daemon is a real person who exists, he dislikes how his reaction made him isolated from other people because it made him weird (& that fuels a lot of his closeness with Helaena later on once they meet).

His siblings & their spouses all help on some level, by going to visit him while he's fostering most times he asks & constantly writing him & showing him lots of attentive care that reinforces that they still love him & don't blame him for anything because he was a literal child & that he was sent away to help everyone/not just to get him out of the way. A lot of the work gets done by the House fostering him (don't want to necessarily spoil where he goes since I'm already spilling some of his emotional arc, lol), because they're who he's around all the time & reassure him & put in a lot of the Ye Olde Therapy work. Also, ngl, his boyfriend does a lot of the helping. His Non-Relative-Bestie/Foster Brother/Lover (Aemon is going full Fucky Targ Relationship Dynamics lmao) is his manic pixie dream boy toy who helps Aemon do a lot of inner work to get okay with things by being a stable, supportive presence in his life who sees all of/the worst of him & never gets scared away.

So by the time Aemon gets back to Runestone once he's 16, I'm not gonna say he's back to where he was, because Kill The Boy And Let The Goth Be Born, but he's doing about as well as one can when you live in a setting/time period where therapy doesn't exist. He sees himself in a way better & healthier way. None of the negativity ever leaves him, because what he saw just irrevocably altered him, how could it not? He gets to thinking about himself positively though, & once he's back home & starts growing up he keeps making little bits of progress until he's got a good view of himself a good 85-90% of the time/really needs a dark moment to get in a bad Self Image place again.

[georgevilliers]

What are they saying about Nicholas? Is it bad? I don't wanna get on twitter to find out D:

I'll be real with you, most of the negative stuff I've seen is coming from Harry Styles fans that are mad at The Idea of You for various reasons that I could get into but I don't even really want to bring specific negative comments from twitter onto tumblr. (And listen I was a 1D fan from 2012 until they broke up so like, I was in the trenches, and frankly his stans, especially the ones who ship Larry, have always been really extra and I feel exhausted by the thought of having to engage with them and their so-called "logic" again just because my current fave is tangentially associated with him right now!)

Also I think I'm just feeling melancholic over everything because I really want the best for his career but more exposure is always going to lead to more opinions, good and bad, and I just wish there was some way he could have the good career without the added opinions from people!!! I think it's hard for me, as someone who reads, listens to, and watches every interview he does, to then turn around and see someone online throw out baseless opinions about his character, or what he said, or what he did etc etc when they're likely basing all of that opinion on only one thing. Or perhaps they're coming at him from a place of wanting to dislike him for whatever their personal reasons are, and so they willfully misrepresent or misunderstand. It's especially hard as I know he has spoken about his fears of being misunderstood multiple times and now I am witnessing it happening in real time.

I really don't want to be a bummer especially as this is a really really exciting time for his career and it honestly feels like he has the whole world at his feet and I'm excited to see what projects he will be doing moving forward! I am full of both excitement and a bit of melancholy and that's ok, I am simply parasocialing a little too close to the sun lol.

Honestly, there are always going to be good and bad experiences on every platform that you can engage in fandom. I have probably 100 people on tumblr blocked to protect my fan experience lmao! And there's lots of people on twitter who I think are really funny and fun stans of Nick's! I just think on twitter there's a lot all at once and it's easier to see opinions from people who aren't actual fans of his, if that makes sense.

Although I will share one comment that made me laugh, which was someone on twitter complaining about how they keep seeing the same few actors in every single movie and Nick was listed along with names like Timothee Chalamet and others and it made me kinda laugh because Timothee rose to fame in 2017 with Call Me By Your Name and has been working steadily ever since so yeah I kinda understand the Timothee fatigue. But in 2017 Nick was still a struggling actor working side jobs and hadn't yet had a "big break". He quite literally has only started becoming well known in 2023, so if this person is already sick of him, they have a lot more coming their way 💀

[iwtv2022]

I'm not someone that looks at the books with rose-coloured glasses and quite frankly I think the show is already thematically richer and better written than the books ever were. With all due respect to Anne, they were fun and I love them, but they weren't that good. However, I see twitter drama over interviews and some people have lost faith in the show writers? Any context on that? Is it about ep5? I agree that the whole episode was a mistake, but I still think it can be fixed.

I'm not on Twitter, so I don't know what went down, sorry! I read secondhand that people on Twitter reacted badly to Indiewire having Sam Reid on their list of best performances of the year but not Jacob Anderson (and that coincided with an interview SR gave for them), but I'm not sure how that would connect to the writers. (Honestly, I don't want to know about Twitter drama; there's already enough drama in the tags and comments I see against my will on my posts. 🥲)

[softcrescendo]

stray kids | the things they adore about you !

"there are other things i cherish more than roses and candlelit dinners. for all you know, i'd trade a lifetime of flower bouquets just to hold your hand once."

pairing : ot8 x gn!reader

tw : none !

genre : established relationship, just overall fluff fluff fluff

a/n : do i know this is the first time i post my random ass writing here ?? yes yes i do :)

⤞ BANG CHAN adores the way you sing or hum confidently, especially when it's late at night or early in the morning.

When he wakes up in the morning, he loves to hear it first, more than anything; your voice is incredibly sweet in his ear and listening to your mellifluous melodies makes him feel at peace. It's also quite rare to see you waking up before he does, so he doesn't get to experience it often (that's why he cherishes it even more).

When he falls asleep at night, he always wants your voice to be the last thing he hears that day. He's just so used to it by now that when you two are apart (and unable to communicate due to various reasons), he finds himself having even more trouble sleeping.

Of course, your voice isn't the most amazing voice he has ever heard, but it belongs to the person he loves. So, no matter how odd it sounds or how peculiar your music taste is, when you're the one singing, everything just feels right to him.

⤞ LEE KNOW adores the way you love and appreciate your food.

Now, he knows that food is a blessing and should never be wasted, but seeing you doing your absolute best to appreciate your food makes his heart swell with love. Although he thinks it's one of the principles a decent human being should have, he knows you're so much more than that.

Throughout your relationship, he can always count on you to keep things properly around the house. That includes storing the food you have in the best way possible. Both of you often exchange tips and advices about it. It's a routine that both you and him have grown to love.

⤞ CHANGBIN adores the way you actively listen when someone else is speaking, no matter how boring the topic is.

He also thouroughly enjoys cooking for you, because then he'd get to see you devour them! To him, there's nothing in this world that can beat a warm meal shared with you.

It's one of the first things he noticed when he first got to know you. When someone else is talking to you, you'd absentmindedly give them reactions just so they know you're really listening, like "i see" or "then?"

Once, he heard your friend ramble about random new dramas (he knew you were never interested in them), but you kept on nodding and asking questions. To this day, he still thinks it's very awesome. He thinks you are very awesome.

⤞ HYUNJIN adores the way you bring extra things like hair ties and tissues, just in case someone needs them.

Conversations with him are much more nicer, of course, so you never have to feign interest with him. You still do it when you're listening to him, though, and it makes him feel so encouraged and so loved.

He still remembers the day you gave him your pink scrunchie. He had forgotten his own hair band at home, so you offered yours. The sight of you smiling at him while handing your scrunchie made his heart beat twice as fast then, and it still does now.

You don't only do it to him, though. You gave your friend the last good pencil you had just because she needed it more. You shared your candies with a kid because the kid was hungry. He realizes soon enough that you bring more on purpose, and they're not for yourself.

⤞ HAN adores the way you patiently wait for other people.

He admits that he's not the most meticulous or responsible person (that's why he keeps on forgetting and losing his things), so having you by his side makes him feel so much more complete.

You know what it feels like to be left behind. The memories are very bitter, but they serve to teach you a good lesson. That's why when someone else is lagging, or falling behind, you stop and wait for them.

You wait for him a lot, too. He really tries his best not to make you wait longer than you have to, but he often fails to do so. It can be before going home, or before movie nights, or before dates. He's super apologetic about it, but you reassure him it's alright every time (it's not like he wants to, anyway, so it's all good).

⤞ FELIX adores the way you look at animals, especially the cute ones.

These days, he finds himself doing the same thing. He waits patiently for the people he loves (including you) and frankly, he's proud of himself for growing as a person and as your love.

He loves animals too, he truly does. But when you are the one caring for them, he doesn't know which one is cuter (hint: it's you). Animals are just adorable and marvelous, they're so fascinating! He knows you don't only like the cute ones, though. Almost all animals give you serotonin boosts.

And when you say almost, you mean ALMOST. Because insects certainly doesn't spark joy within you. Heck, sometimes you just seem to be so scared of them. He finds that fact really cute. To be honest, he doesn't enjoy the presence of insects either, but he doesn't really mind as long as he's with you.

All of your family and friends know just how loud you can be. That's why most people (especially the ones who just met you) get intimidated by your thunderous voice and unpredictable actions. But that was never the case when you're with him.

After all, there is no other species (or organism) in the kingdom Animalia he'd prefer over you (his family and friends and the bois come first place with you ofc).

⤞ SEUNGMIN adores the way you can be loud without being annoying or insensitive.

The thing is, he's used to loud people (he can also be very loud himself!) and to him, you're no different. In fact, he finds your personality very uplifting. When he performs or sings, you boost his confidence with your cheers. When he is tired or frustrated, you make sure to shower him with lots of encouragement.

⤞ I.N adores the way you say "thank you" and "i'm sorry" with so much sincerity to nearly everyone.

Of course, there are days when he needs things to be more quiet than usual. No matter what, you try your best to support him! You're still learning, and that's okay because he is, too.

This is a habit that you didn't realize you have until he pointed it out. But like, even if you do, isn't it just basic manners? You think it's nothing special or remarkable. However, he thinks otherwise! He loves the fact that you're polite, even to the people who are often overlooked or looked down upon.

As someone working in the entertainment industry, he has met A LOT of people from all around the world. That means, he has seen characters and personalities of many kinds, and he knows more than a handful of people who are just straight up disrespectful. Meeting you, he once said, was refreshing. Back then, he genuinely enjoyed being your friend and when he got the chance to love you, he's so honored.

Yes, you know this habit of yours is still nothing to be bragged about, but he appreciates it nonetheless! After all, he loves you because of the same reason you're polite - just because.

[suganovakawa]

𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐄 .

PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader , slight hajime iwaizumi x fem! reader

GENRE : angst , romance

WARNINGS : cursing , car accident , recovery from amnesia

SYNOPSIS : tooru doesn’t understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐈𝐕 < [ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐕 ] > 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐗𝐕𝐈

now, this is tooru’s business.

word count : 1.3k

saudade masterlist .

SAUDADE

( 𝐧 . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; “ the love that remains ”

⠀the last people tooru expected to ever hear from again, besides you, were any of his third year teammates. maybe his underclassmen had it in them to forgive him eventually, but not issei and takahiro. they had all the right reason to not forgive him for his actions. they, just like hajime, had doted on you quite often during the season. while they weren't obsessive over it, they both visibly appreciated your presence.

⠀way more than he did at the time, anyway.

⠀he was almost scared as the two of them approached him during lunch. oikawa stopped showing up to the cafeteria and began enjoying his lunches in silence at the library, as many social outcasts choose to do. he didn't think that their motive for going to the library was to see him of all people, but his mind began to race as they began walking towards him at a surprisingly quick pace - their faces were anything but pleasant.

⠀"makki? mattsun?" tooru's body initiated his fight or flight instincts as both of them stood at his sides, making it impossible for him to just stand up and leave. "what are you doing here? i didn't do anything, did i?" he really hoped he didn't make another mistake. the last thing he wanted was to be remembered for nothing more than his shortcomings as a boyfriend.

⠀"no, not this time." mattsun replied in a hushed whisper, shaking his head. "but there's something going on that no one on the team likes. we don't know if you already know or not, but given your past with y/n, we figured you'd be interested."

⠀he hesitated at the mention of your name. of course he was interested in anything that had to do with you. what could possibly be going on with you that would be so important for him of all people to know about? the other two third years were uncharacteristically serious for their usual joking demeanors, but he was too nervous to say anything more.

⠀oikawa was additionally surprised to watch both them take a seat on both sides of him, leaning in closer to ensure only he was able to hear what they were saying. tooru leaned back slightly, his stomach running in circles with the suspicious activity going on. were they going to prank him? go through all this just to call him a loser? if so, he didn't want to be part of it. he had already messed up with you again, that was all the confirmation he needed that he was just a downright idiot. damn him and his stupid bad habits. if only he knew how to control his temper, this wouldn't have happened in the first place.

⠀"do you want the news just thrown in your face, or do you want us to discreetly tell you?" makki crossed his arms and leaned over the table, throwing the seijoh captain out of his deep thought. "doesn't really matter, bad news is bad news. we're probably going to ruin your day with this."

⠀really, what could be worse than this? "just tell me," was all he could muster.

⠀"iwaizumi and y/n are dating."

⠀what?

⠀tooru almost fell out of his seat as the blood rushed throughout his body like a tidal wave, both anger and astonishment crashing together furiously. he almost screamed but bit down on his tongue due to their current location. both makki and mattsun noticed the sudden shift in oikawa's behavior, and nodded their heads as if to agree with his reaction.

⠀"yahaba told me today. kindaichi apparently made small talk with iwaizumi, where the big news was revealed." mattsun continued without letting either brunet peer reply, "and frankly, it's very strange. all of it. but i'm pretty sure the only ones who have been suspicious of the relationship are us."

⠀oikawa was livid. whatever control he had over his temper, had been thrown long gone by now. his face glowed with an underlying red hue, his hands clenched into white-knuckled fists as he rest them on the table. he wasn't mad at you - he was mad at iwaizumi. hajime. he did something to manipulate you into a relationship. he did something to you to result in this outcome.

⠀and this was all oikawa’s fault.

⠀"this is bullshit," he seethed, shaking his head in an incredulous matter. "there's no way this was mutual. it can't be." curiously, he turned to the other two with furrowed eyebrows, his eyes narrowed in their direction. "why aren't you happy about their relationship? isn't this what all of you wanted ever since i..." hurt her? his voice got caught in his throat before he could finish.

⠀"don't get us wrong. you're still a complete asshole for how you treated y/n in the past. nothing will change that." it was like a hammer hit straight into oikawa's chest. "however... it's more complicated with iwaizumi. more complicated than what we would like it to be."

⠀realistically, it shouldn't be complicated at all. oikawa knew that. he was never the nicest to you, but he truly had no ill intentions when it came to your well being. now that he was stripped of whatever pride and dignity he had during the volleyball season, he realized that even though he had no ill intention, it still hurt you. that's what hurt tooru the most.

⠀"...complicated?"

⠀"i'm sure you've heard that iwaizumi has refused to tell y/n of her... past. and she doesn't remember anything either, which works to his advantage." makki began listing down points with his finger. "she asked us, she asked the team, she's asked iwaizumi way more times that i can count with both hands and toes. hell, i'm pretty sure she's asked you, too."

⠀you have, but tooru had his own reasons for hesitating.

⠀"she's been pretty stubborn about what she wants, and actually pretty pissed that no one refuses to tell her anything. then all of a sudden she comes back to seijoh with iwaizumi after a normal weekend, hand-in-hand and happy as can be." makki shook his head at the thought of it. "something doesn't add up. maybe it's not our business to butt in, but that's what's been going on."

⠀"what do you want me to do about it?" the lonely third year leaned back against his seat once more, more frustrated than anything. "i thought all of you didn't want me near y/n anymore. now you're telling me this, and for what?"

⠀"truth be told oikawa, this was just an impulse decision on both our parts." mattsun sighed and stood up, stretching his legs a bit. makki followed suit. "even though it's suspicious, it's really not our business. everyone else seems to be content with it, especially with what y/n's been going through. it's almost meant to be at this point."

⠀ouch, another strike to the heart. "but," the rose-haired peer interjected, "even though it's not our business, it most certainly is yours, isn't it? after all, you still haven't been able to officially break up with her yet, huh? and don't you have bad blood with iwaizumi now?" he shoved his hands in his pockets, tilting his head to the side.

⠀just how much did these two know? "no," oikawa mumbled quietly, "i haven't been able to."

⠀"anyways, the bell's gonna ring soon. you're in the loophole now, so you decide what to do with the information." mattsun walked up to tooru and grabbed him by the blazer, pulling the captain up to his feet before whispering quietly, "and if you have any sense of redemption left in you, it would probably be in your best interest to see what the hell is going on with hajime iwaizumi. maybe you'll get a sense of closure in the process."

⠀tooru could only nod in retaliation to this sudden confrontation, and mattsun gently let go of his blazer before giving him a quick nod. as quickly as the two of them arrived, they had already disappeared into the hallways by the time the bell rang.

⠀the frustration followed him like a raincloud for the rest of the day.

⠀y/n, what has hajime iwaizumi done to you?

a/n : i got nothin’ to say for ya today, so enjoy!

taglist ( closed ) — @ot127 @rena0921 @karlitabi-rrito @psychicpercyjacksonfan @crescentbitch @amelimiles @damnirina @pasta-warlord @blossomingbangtan @clinomanians @i-am-kinda-in-alot-of-fandoms @manq-fandoms @cirtruss @sugar-wara @haikoo @anime-simp @kairostatue @awkwardspontaneity @iwantapoptartqwq @aquariarose @softestdreamer @plantisnotplant @avylee @froppysgirl @that-animebitch @wisepandaslimeland @samanthaa-leanne @dumplingzumispam @0hakaashi @captain-janeway @afterglowkuroo @bellabelieveme @attixca @chickenrest @tycrackculture @ynjimenez @karaseijoh @lavieenblancetnoir @dabilove27 @cuddlesslut @crypto-s @keigosbitch @readeretal @shittykawaa @donghyuckster @adriloen @ella-solei @emiyummy @kukiisan @catyuyuyuu @sillykittt @dolan-mendes @kiritokunuwu @the-third-wall @yammers @todohawki

+ continued in the comments!

[ask-beacons-finest]

GrimmAge!Ruby, sitting at a table in the corner of the bustling tavern, her legs pulled up to her chest with her face buried into her knees: P-Please, leave me alone.

GrimmAge!Woman, shifting back and forth over Ruby's shoulders, gripping down onto them: But why? But why, Darling Rose? What's wrong? Don't you wish to relax? To enjoy yourself with all the others? You're here hiding all on your lonesome, enjoying the festivities would be so much more fun!

GrimmAge!Ruby, shifting further into her shell: You...do not look right...there is something terribly wrong with you, and this place. I want to leave.

GrimmAge!Woman, her voice coming out as more of a hiss than anything else: But WHY?! This place is so wonderful! Every single thing you could ever want! Food! Drink! Flesh! What more do you pathetic creatures desire! I demand you tell-

GrimmAge!Cinder, suddenly appearing with blazing eyes, smashing the woman away from Ruby and pinning her against a wall, screaming with flames flickering out from her mouth: WHO ARE YOU TO DARE TOUCH HER?! YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY ROSE OR I WILL BURN YOU TO ASH.

GrimmAge!Woman, despite having been slammed so hard into the wall she's in more of a crater than anything else, a grin on her face: Oh, don't be stupid. You can't provide for her the way we can, and deep down, you know that. Don't you, Cinder? That you can't protect her from everything like you think you can.

GrimmAge!Cinder, her eyes flaring up even more, spinning her head towards Ruby: Did she hurt you? Did you say anything to her?

GrimmAge!Cinder, turning her attention back to the woman: How do you know my NAME!?

GrimmAge!Ruby, lifting her head from her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks: I-I said only to leave me alone, I never mentioned you by name. There is something wrong with the people here, I...I can see it, they ripple like reflections in water. It...is wrong. Something is wrong.

GrimmAge!Cinder, turning her head, surveying the large crowd of tavern goers, who have stopped their revelry and are simply staring at Cinder in complete silence: ...yes...yes, I see it now.

GrimmAge!Cinder, her hand gripping the woman's throat quickly breaks out in flames, which spread to the woman who lets out a blood curdling scream as she burns alive: How could I have been so blind...

~~~

GrimmAge!Weiss, sitting in a booth besides Yang, a beer in her hand, speaking with a smile: Yang, may I say something?

GrimmAge!Yang, also with a beer in her hand, turning her attention to Weiss: Hmm? Yes, yes of course.

GrimmAge!Weiss, taking a sip of the beer: Seeing all these people here...everyone having fun. Dancing, drinking, feasting. It just sort of reminds me of the balls my family would have back home.

GrimmAge!Yang, nodding her head in response, but remaining silent: ...

GrimmAge!Weiss, side-eyeing Yang, bringing the tankard to her lips but speaks rather than taking a sip: Do you remember...the promise you made to me, that, umm...aha...first night we laid together?

GrimmAge!Yang, bringing a finger to her cheek and scratches it, giving off a nervous laugh as she raises the tankard with her other hand, sloshing around the beer inside: I-Uhh, you're gonna have to remind me...s-sorry.

GrimmAge!Weiss, sighs, but gives off a smile nonetheless: You fool...about how we would one day return to my home, all the way back in Atlas, and we would attend one of those balls. Together. With you at my side.

GrimmAge!Yang, nodding, smiling bright: Well of course, I wouldn't dream of breaking a promise I made to you. Especially one like that, my darling.

GrimmAge!Weiss, giving off a content sigh, lowering her tankard from her lips and rests her head on Yang's shoulder: Oh, Yang...I should've known this moment was too good to be true. I knew the second you called me anything that wasn't my name.

GrimmAge!Yang, tilting her head: I...don't understand?

GrimmAge!Weiss, quickly splashing her tankard all over Yang's face, the beer instantly freezing, sliding her way out of the booth as Yang's arms flail helplessly against the magical ice, glaring down with contempt: The "promise" confirmed it. But by the Gods, if you're going to do something like this, at least learn everyone's names first.

GrimmAge!Weiss, looking over her shoulder to the tavern floor, the dozens and dozens of once cheerfully celebratory patrons now glaring at her with empty eyes, a large glyph forming beside her: Now then, I suppose it's time for me to find the others. The real Yang, so I can kick her ass.

~~~

GrimmAge!May, standing in the private room with the man she met at the bar, casually pulling an arrow from her quiver: ...

GrimmAge!Man, raising an eyebrow: And what's that for?

GrimmAge!May, grinding the tip of the arrow against her pointer finger, drawing the tiniest bit of blood: Y'know. Big groups entering all at the same time...those aren't good for your line of business, are they?

GrimmAge!Man, breaking from his confused stare with an equally confused laugh: O-Oh no, n-no no. I don't run this inn personally, if that's what you're implying. But uhh, I think big groups are important for them, no? More drinks being sold and whatnot.

GrimmAge!May, taking a few steps towards the man, arrow still in hand, laughing a little: Ahhh, hah. Except...the drinks I got at the bar, three to be exact. All free. No charge. Of course, they were shit beer, and quite frankly I should've been paid to drink it. But still, free.

GrimmAge!May, cutting the man off before he can speak by placing the arrowhead against his lips: Ah ah ah, before you come up with some shit excuse. Let me tell you, the beer lacking cost was just icing on the cake. What I mean when I say the big groups, like ours was, being bad for your business is that you're bound to have people with different...tastes.

GrimmAge!Man, clearing his throat, awkwardly: Well, we accommodate for all here, so I-

GrimmAge!May, nodding, a mockingly impressed look on her face: Oh, you most certainly do. Enough so that when those two folks grabbed Yang from the entrance, Princess Bitch saw two women, I saw two men. Really fascinating how that could be possible, that is, unless there was some sort of illusion. So now, you've got me wondering, you've got me wondering-

GrimmAge!May, jabbing the arrow into the stomach of the man, brutally shifting it up and under his ribcage, pushing it further and further until he starts choking up blood: Just what the bloody fuck this whole place really is.

~~~

GrimmAge!Yang, sitting in a bathtub, relaxing with closed eyes and a big smile, a littered mess of empty tankards at one side of the room, her arm being washed by the woman that took her from the entrance, the man kneeling behind the bath massaging her shoulders: Ahh, this is the life. A shame it won't last.

GrimmAge!Woman, with a sense of longing to her voice: Ooooh, My Lady...Yang, don't say that. You needn't leave.

GrimmAge!Yang, opening a single eye, her voice deadpan: So...finally learned my name then? Hmph...I must have...mentioned it. Say, you're lovely company. But umm...I can't do this.

GrimmAge!Woman, speaking with a frown: Are you certain? We love having you here, we'd be happy to wait on you day-in and day-out.

GrimmAge!Man, speaking in a whisper: You can stay here forever...

GrimmAge!Yang, sighs, sitting upright, taking herself out of the pair's grasp: Yeah umm...I-I get that. Just. I need to talk to my companions. The both of them. Y'know? The white haired one, and the one with the bow. They both look really bitchy in their own unique ways?

GrimmAge!Woman, standing up from her spot besides the bath, ushering the man to join her: Of course, we understand, we'll go get them for you.

GrimmAge!Yang, watching the pair of them leave, a smile on her face as they get to the door, waving them out: It's been a pleasure, perhaps I'll see you both later tonight?

GrimmAge!Yang, joining the pair in a quick laugh as they leave, her face dropping to an emotionless slate once the door latches, whispering to herself as she raises a leg out of the bath: ...this...isn't water. I bet that shit wasn't beer either. Just what in the Gods' names is this place.

GrimmAge!Yang, lowering her leg back to the water as the door opens again, Weiss and May stepping in, the pair silently making their way to the tub, kneeling each on a side: ...it's good to see you both. I've...missed you...It's, uhm, been a while since I've enjoyed a bath with the pair of you, and since I'm in one now...I just thought, you know.

GrimmAge!Weiss, reaching into the tub and pulling up Yang's arm, caressing it until she interlocks her hand with Yangs, giving the back of Yang's hand a kiss: I was beginning to get jealous, to be completely honest with you. Worried that I'd be replaced.

GrimmAge!May, mimicking Weiss's movements with Yang's other hand, a gentle smile on her face: I wasn't worried in the slightest. I knew you'd not be able to resist your favorites.

GrimmAge!Yang, sliding her hands around her companions, her left to the back of Weiss's head, gently stroking her hair, and her right to May's neck, softly rubbing her thumb along her skin: Well, I'm sorry, Weiss, that you felt that. And I'm glad, May, you helped her anxiety. But unfortunately, there is something I'm going to need to say, and do.

GrimmAge!Weiss, leaning closer and closer to Yang in the tub, her voice practically a moan: Anything~

GrimmAge!May, her eyes resting hungrily on Yang's face, her tongue just slightly wetting her own lips: Anything at all.

GrimmAge!Yang, taking a deep breath, speaking calmly with closed eyes: Weiss...isn't nearly this submissive, especially around me after I do something as stupid as lead us all into some shithole like this. And May? Heh. You really fucked up there.

GrimmAge!Yang, an aura of golden light exploding around her as her hands tighten their grips, pulling hard on Weiss's head and pushing her face under the water, winning easily against the struggling body, her other hand immediately breaking through the skin of May's throat as she crushes it, glaring directly at the bloody mess: May likes men. And I'm going to burn this fucking nightmare to the ground.

[cas-kingdom]

Okay, and please, don't feel pressured to write this if you got many other prompts (which i'm sure you did :D) But what about some X-Men? I was thinking something short and sweet between reader and Erik? If this fits with your other stories, ofc, something like this: reader thinks Erik is being overprotective and goes against his orders and Erik, of course, handles the situation accordingly. I'm pretty sure he is all softy under that act of his :D Tell me if ya need more details!

NOTE: I did change this up a bit, but I hope you don’t mind!

(Set during that scene in First Class).

In all honesty, you’d been the first to notice Erik, Charles and Moira returning, and the moment you’d locked eyes with the former you’d stopped short, almost crashing into the others from where they were still dancing on top of the table. Your blood ran cold and your eyes filled with a strange fear. Darwin thrust his arms up in slight confusion and irritation as he bumped into you. “Hey, Metallica, why’ve you-”

“What are you doing?”

Everyone followed your lead in stopping after that, prompted by Moira Mactaggart’s voice ringing out through the broken glass window. She looked positively exasperated as she threw her arms out and turned towards the headless statue. “Who broke the statue?”

You swallowed and looked away from Erik, who had since crossed his arms and fixed you with a steady yet indecipherable gaze.

“It was Alex,” Hank told her.

“No.” Raven stepped behind you, placing her hands on your shoulders. “Havok. We have to call him Havok. That’s his name now. And we were thinking, you should be Professor X-” She pointed at Charles before moving her finger across to Erik- “and you should be Magneto.”

There was a moment of silence before Erik rose both eyebrows, glanced at Charles with a look that clearly read ‘I told you so’ and, in all his sarcastic glory… “Exceptional.”

And, with that, he turned to leave. “Y/N.” He called your name as a clear indication for you to follow after a mere two seconds of you watching him, and with one final glance at the rest of the kids behind you, you stepped down from the table and jogged after him, all the while worryingly biting at your lip.

You were sharing a room with Erik, which neither of you minded. You’d always shared rooms. You’d never really had the chance not to. Constantly moving around… never staying in one place for too long… and even if you ever had had a safe place in the sixteen years you’d been alive, Erik never once let you stray too far from him. So, really, it was a wonder he’d managed to leave you alone just now while he was with Moira and Charles.

He walked into it first, leaving you to shut the door, and immediately spoke up. “I see you’ve made some new friends,” he said. His back was turned as he opened his case on the large bed and reached to take out one of his turtleneck jumpers to change into.

You swallowed thickly from where you were stood about four feet away from him, arms nervously crossed over your chest. “I’m sorry, Erik.” Why not just get it over with?

Erik paused and turned around to face you, a dark eyebrow raised. “For making friends?”

“For… for disappointing you,” you told him. “For acting immature.”

It was silent for a moment before one corner of his lips turned upwards a fraction and he put the jumper down on the bed before sitting next to it. “Liebling.” The affectionate term cleansed all your worries immediately, and you looked up at your brother to find him gazing at you. “I’m sorry I gave you that impression. Come here.”

You did, walking over to him and perching yourself next to him on the bed. He turned a little to face you, lifting a hand to cup your cheek. “You didn’t disappoint me, neither do I believe you were acting immature. Quite frankly, I felt happy to see you happy, if only for a short moment.” He smiled a little, and you mirrored it. You’d felt happy, too. Admittedly not at first, but that was only because of the nagging worry at the back of your head that Erik wouldn’t approve. Which was foolish, really, because when had he become the big brother who refused to let his sister have fun? The others were a different matter entirely. You knew Erik thought of them as irresponsible nuisances who wouldn’t take the job seriously, and in all honesty, as much as you enjoyed their company, you couldn’t find much fault in that belief.

Erik’s free hand came up to your other cheek. “Those children are not ready for what they were brought in to do,” he said quietly, and you listened, “but I know you are.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “So don’t think I’m disappointed in you. I rarely am and you know that. Once this is over, I’ll throw us our own party.”

You breathed a laugh at that, taking hold of both your brother’s hands once he’d lowered them. “Okay.” A moment passed. “Why were you giving me a weird look?”

He shrugged. “For show. Charles was obviously not happy with what he saw, so I decided to get you out before he chose to reprimand you.”

“You think he’d do that?”

“He clearly likes you... but perhaps not. He would know it’s not his place. Though I can’t say the same for this Moira.”

You shook your head with a laugh and he grinned. “What name has been decided for you, then, hm?”

You looked at him and rolled your eyes. “Metallica.” It wasn’t all bad, you supposed… you could control metal like Erik, after all, though not as well. Never as well.

Erik rose an eyebrow. “Wonderful. I hope you didn’t make it up.”

“Raven did. And what about you?” you asked. “Do you like Magneto?”

He smiled before standing to his feet. “I can live with it.”

X-Men Masterpost

[rose-director]

Blooming Roses, part 2

Content warnings/themes:

Masks

Medical situations

Neural connection/linkings

Hypnotic imagery

Corporate setting

Cyberpunk

Description:

As the next step in the hiring process, 3B90 is presented with a more permanent reciever system for network integration.

~2,200 words

Story:

3B90 > [Okay, and this won't hurt at all?] Trepidation and concern pour generously through your connection, mirroring the way they've been saturating your thoughts.

2CE5 > [No, there's no reason to worry. You'll be under some pretty strong anesthetics, though you'll be pretty disoriented in recovery.] A flash of comfort rides with this message, wrapping around your mind like a warm hug.

You're sitting in the waiting room segment of the Rose Cybernetics Augmentation Lab, an entire subset of the building devoted to fabricating, modifying, and installing cybernetic modifications and enhancements. Though the lab extends several floors down into the basement, the room you find yourself in is just below the massive building's main entrance. Relative to the area it services, the space itself is fairly small. Its walls are lined with more conventional chairs, complemented by several other more vexing pieces of... furniture? Your thoughts wander back to that first visit, and you still aren't quite sure what qualifies as furniture versus art.

2CE5 > [The furniture itself _is_ art! It gives pleasant visual patterns and all of that, _and_ it's ergonomic for the standard and non-standard body shapes of everyone who uses it!]

You need to stop broadcasting your thoughts when they drift like that.

2CE5 > [Aww, but 3B... it's cuuuute!]

The screen adorning your face lights up brighter in a begrudging grin. Sure, it's fun to get teased over your thoughts every once and a while, but you could do with a bit more privacy. 2C always makes it so easy to just share everything, but you find that as you reminisce on the events of yesterday, you've successfully put a stopper on the outpouring of thoughts from your mind into the LinkNet. For the interview, you'd booked an overnight hotel, and though the commute back had been pleasant, you'd felt deflated as you stepped back inside. The warmth of connection, that feeling of presence from the interview felt almost like a high, one you crashed from the moment your faceplate came off.

Your faceplate.

It's funny how everything seems to make so much more sense than it did yesterday morning. When you got back to that hotel room, you couldn't seem to help but yearn for the feeling of cold glass pressed against your face again, the paradoxical feeling of being seen and hidden all at once. Thinking about the way that data flowed through your mind, uploads and downloads streaming with the simple ease of breathing, you spent the night restless. You missed it all dearly, and you missed 2C, too. It's weird, you think, missing someone so desperately when you'd barely even met, but the whole situation is weird. In the stretch of less than an hour, you'd felt almost as though her soul had become pressed against yours, and in a way that seems almost accurate. The presence of her mind with yours was one of the most enrapturing moments you'd ever shared with another person. This morning, checking out of your hotel was the easiest departure you'd made in your entire life.

Your personal items, wardrobe, and computer were all accounted for when you stepped back through the doors of the Rose Cybernetics Center. At the desk, a new face - or, well, faceplate? - waited cheerily to greet you. They introduced themself as 13A3, and asked you to follow them to your on-campus housing. This benefit, one that didn't actually subtract from the pay Rose Cybernetics had offered, was quite, frankly the reason you'd chosen to pursue employment here specifically. Other firms had been hiring fairly aggressively, but even if the salary wasn't quite as sweet here, you'd always been a fan of the self-contained arcology life, especially if it was already paid for. An elevator had brought you to a floor above the block of office space from your last visit, into the area which seemed to be clearly intended for residential use. When they reached your apartment's door, 13A1 made the equivalent of a smile - the flowers that covered their display blossomed further - and ushered you inside.

Your apartment was a studio; an open kitchenette next to the door, a bathroom in the far corner, and a section of the far wall that seemed to suggest its utility as desk space. Even if it was a fairly small apartment, it was still the largest space you'd ever had to yourself, and you savored it a moment before noticing the furniture. Aside from the lack of a desk, the entire room was full of your things, set exactly as you were planning to have them when you got around to unpacking. 13 giggled and explained that you'd shared your plans for the room last time you were connected to the network. You shrugged, picking up a box from where it had been placed on your bed. It was black and unassuming just like the last one, but a note had been written in silver marker along the top.

You get to actually keep this one! Enjoy~

2CE5

You broke out in a broad smile and eagerly pressed the contents of the box against your face. The receiver pressed against your neck, and the tug of its electromagnets pulled at your mind with sudden familiarity. Far from that first violent experience, this connection was nothing more than a gentle fall into warm, relaxing water. Data flowed up and down from you again, and before you had time to think you felt 2C's mind pressing into yours. In a quick flurry of communication, she explained that you were cleared to get fitted for a permanent receiver, something far better suited for long-term network synchronization. You still feel excitement at that thought; remaining synchronized for as long as you wish, always able to return to that closeness that you'd never even realized you yearned for until you finally had it. A quick trip back down the elevator and a goodbye to 13A3 later, and you were waiting anxiously for the integration process to be ready.

Returning to the events around you, you relax into the presence of 2C's mind next to yours.

3B90 > [Sure, it's cute, but I need at least _some_ privacy!] You transmit your current emotional state, somewhere between teasing and flirty - quickly seeming to be the default around 2C - alongside that thought.

2CE5 > [That's true, that's true.] The feeling of her thoughts is just as intoxicating as ever, and you can't help but melt into the sensation of her pleasant warmth. 3B90 > [So, you mentioned that after I get my new receiver I'll be able to share my mind like this with _everyone?_]

2CE5 > [Yeah, pretty much! It sounds intimidating, but the best way to do it is mesh in slowly.] Her connection wordlessly relays the process by which new connections are established; both sides of the link engage in a three-way SYN/ACK handshake, a fancy way to say that each participant agrees to establish a link with the other. [It's best to synchronize with folks you've already said hi to, at least. Ease into it, you're probably not ready for more than a couple at a time just yet.] She was right; if you were being honest with yourself, you're barely able to handle the one you share with 2C! [Yeah, I can be a bit of a handful,] she sends, smugness dripping from her link.

3B90 > [Look, it's a lot is all...] Your thoughts branch and fork in too many ways to concisely share before merging once again. [It's amazing, but it's... a lot.]

The two of you fall silent, letting understanding wash between yourselves. Even in the last hour, it's been a refreshing experience getting to share such idle comforts between each other like this. It's amazing, knowing that even with her halfway across the building from you, it feels as though you're sitting right by her side. Over the last few hours, it's finally dawned on you that 2C being appointed as your supervisor doesn't really make much sense. As your mind follows that path further along, you come upon another realization.

3B90 > [I'm not distracting you from work, right?] You flash a breath of concern into your words.

2CE5 > [No, don't worry about that! When you're as used to the network as I am, you learn to multitask. Actually, I'm having five different conversations right now!]

You feel a mixture of trepidation and delight at the thought. Sharing a mind like this is more delightful than anything you've experienced before, but it's so much to take in. You're sure it'll come with time, and 2C seems to agree, but the worry lingers. After another moment of silence, a tech whose display shows a gently swaying forest enters the waiting room and - by your best estimation - makes eye (faceplate?) contact with you. A notification pings in your visor, a request to engage with a new communication stream. 2C gently urges you to accept the request, and fades away to make room for a new consciousness on a new endpoint. The feelings, sensations, and overall feel of self that you get from the technician are so different! Your mind recoils from the feeling for a moment, surprised at the unexpected change. You know that everyone thinks differently, but seeing this first hand as new and unexpected patterns swirl through you feels no less surprising. After the momentary shock, you realize that the tech had said something that you completely missed. Apologetic explanatory feelings flow up through your connection, quickly met by a response.

F211 > [Hey, it's alright. The second connection's always a lot to deal with, especially when you have to disconnect from someone you were comfortable with before.] The technician wordlessly introduces himself, and informs you that he'll be integrating your new receiver systems. You're already familiar with the procedure, but he shares its details with you once more, asking for your verbal consent. It feels strange to use your mouth to talk, even after just a day, but you acquiesce. Your voice is weak and breaking, stating that you agree to and fully understand the details of the modification. You'd forgotten how hard it was to get words out in the way you wanted, and that frustration flows back through you for a moment before it's caught by a wave of reassurance from F211. [That's exactly what I needed, thank you. You're good on 'paperwork', so follow me and we can get started! I know you've been waiting long enough.] A strong breeze blows through the trees of his display, and you think it seems to coincide with a good-natured smile. His initial sensation was so different, but after a moment of acclimation, you like the feeling of his mind almost as much as you enjoy 2C's. It might be the imagery adorning his faceplate, but the feel of him is sharp like the smell of pacific-northwestern pine, sharing that tree's unassuming, gentle strength. He feels surprisingly safe, which, you suppose, is good for someone performing delicate and precise modifications to the composition of your brain.

Your new friend leads you out from the lobby, and down a hallway adorned with sterile white tiling as well as the occasional splash of color painted in polygonal designs along the wall. You broadcast your curiosity over the patterns, feeling F211's response satiate your wonder. The art is intentionally added to ensure that the area's sterile environment remains unique and interesting. Whether it accomplishes this goal, it certainly appears visually interesting. F211 laughs at this thought loudly between your connection, but shows no outward indication of amusement. You're still going to have to get used to how uncanny that is. He guides you to a room at the end of this hallway. Large and circular, this room is ringed by various lights and other mechanical instruments draping from the ceiling, directly above what looks like a reclining chair. The technician invites you to take a seat, and as you do, the chair slowly conforms itself to your shape until it feels as though it was made for you.

F211 > [Everything's set, are you ready to go?]

3B90 > [Ready as I could ever be.] Actually sitting here, your anxiety begins to build. You want this, and it's part of the next step to your work here, but all the same those machines above you look a bit more intimidating than you would like. F211 recognizes your heartrate picking up, and wordlessly asks if it would help to have a hand on your shoulder. You return a wave of gratitude and a flash of green along your screen, and his touch saps away a good deal more of that worry than you expected it to. He sends feelings of reassurance, gently letting you relax. Before you recognize what's happening, he's already counting down from ten, and you feel your voice reflexively mirror the countdown's progress. With each number, you sink lower, deeper, as everything fades into... empty, perfect nothing. Far away, a gas fills your faceplate, letting that nothing surround you until you drift into unconsciousness.

[mind-reader1]

Queen of Hearts (Ch. 27)

Drake x MC (Emma Barnes)

TRR AU: What would happen if Emma loved Drake but had to marry Liam?

Catch up here

Warnings: violence

Note: WE’RE FINALLY GETTING TO THE GOOD STUFF. So I wrote out Emma’s death, for real this time, then I realized I couldn’t do any of the other stuff I had planned for the story so she got a reprieve this time. 

Word Count: 2,429

Summary: Olivia, Drake and Emma have been captured, will Liam come to save them or will he take a different route? 

Chapter 27: The Emperor’s New Clothes - Panic at the Disco!

I'm taking back the crown I'm all dressed up and naked I see what's mine and take it (Finders keepers, losers weepers) Oh yeah The crown So close I can taste it I see what's mine and take it (Finders keepers, losers weepers) Oh yeah

Sycophants on velvet sofas Lavish mansions, vintage wine I am so much more than royal Snatch your chain and mace your eyes If it feels good, tastes good It must be mine Heroes always get remembered But you know legends never die

Emma didn't know how much time had passed, but as the bag was lifted off her head, she took in her surroundings. She was in an old dungeon, Drake and Olivia tied up on either side of her, Anton standing over them with a smirk on his face.

“Emma. Lovely to see you again.”

“I swear if he hurt you Walker!”

“I'm okay Drake.” Her hands were tied behind her, her legs also tied to a chair, she pulled against them to no avail. She could feel the panic bubbling up in her chest, she was taken back to that night in the vault, the vision of Drake at her funeral, there was no one coming to get her now.

“What a nice little reunion. Me, my former client, her lover? Husband? Whatever you are, and my fiery wife.” Olivia spit at him from her chair.

“Call me your wife again and I'll show you what a real ball and chain feels like. I'm not some pawn in your game.”

“You'll cooperate or die here with the queen and her play toy!”

“You can't do this Justin. You can't seriously think the people will accept you if you kill Cordonia's new queen.” A lazy smile curled onto his lips.

“You always were a great client, perfect with the spin and drawing everyone one. It won't save you now though.” Before Emma could say anything else, an assassin with an all too familiar mask walked in. He was the one who had tried to kill Emma, shot Drake, he exchanged a few words with Anton.

“You're the bastard who shot me!”

“And tried to kill me!” Emma was furious, she struggled against her bonds again. This man had caused her and Drake so much pain, even if it was all Anton's idea, she wanted to kill him. They taunted Drake, the man revealing his face to him, talking about his father and what a legend he was.

“Wanted to be like dear old dad. Take a bullet for your girl, be the hero.”

“Hey Gerard Butler wannabe! Leave Drake out of this! Your problem is with the crown, that's me now!” His eyes flared with anger as he stomped towards Emma, grabbing her cheeks in his hand and squeezing, pulling her face towards him.

“Maybe I'll kill you first, make your boy toy watch?”

“Walker!” She could hear Drake struggling against his bonds.

“Get your hands off her! I swear to God I'm going to kill you!” He ignored Drake and continued to lean in close to Emma.

“That's going to be the last thing you ever do!” Finally, he rolled his eyes and released Emma from his iron grip walking towards Drake.

“I'd suggest you shut up if you want to see your girl alive for the little bit of time you both have left.”

“I think it's you that should be worried about time because I'm going to kill you. Won't be difficult, you're clearly a poor shot since you only got my shoulder.” that was it. The man cocked his fist back and slammed it into Drake's face, Emma swore she heard a crack and felt it reverberate through her chest.

“Drake!” She screamed but it was no use, he was out cold, slumped in his chair, the only thing holding him up were his restraints.

“That's enough!” Anton stepped up again.

“We finish what we started at the Homecoming Ball. Liam knows you're all being held captive and he'll come alone if he wants to see you alive.” he droned on and on about his plan, how he was destined to fulfill the Nevrakis legacy and how he would rule with Olivia by his side because that was what her parents wanted. Emma tried to focus but her thoughts kept drifting back to Drake, wondering if he was okay. Anton finally left, and Emma struggled to keep her breathing under control as the reality of the situation set in. Drake began to groan beside her as he regained consciousness, Emma cried.

“Drake are you okay?”

“I'm fine Walker. He didn't hurt you, did he?” Emma shook her head and Olivia filled him in on Anton's plan.

“We're fine Walker, don't cry. Liam is going to come for us.” She shook her head again.

“No, he's not Drake, the only reason he'll come for us is Olivia.” He frowned and so did Olivia.

“What?” Olivia asked.

“Don't say that Walker, he loves you. He'll come for you.” Emma shook her head crying.

“Think about it Drake. We die as martyrs. He mourns publicly and gets to pick a new wife, Olivia. He loves her, and she loves him back, the public would love her too. She helps him get over our deaths. We're out of the way, Liam gets everything he wants.” Emma had stopped crying, in that moment you could hear a pin drop as her words sank in.

“Emma as much he hates me, and might be mad at you, he wouldn't let us die.” Drake tried to reassure her but there was no conviction in his voice, she made such a strong case.

“Well no one's going to die today if I have anything to say about it so quit your whining and help me. I'm no one's damsel in distress.” Olivia huffed.

“You have a knife, don't you? You've been holding out on us this whole time.” Olivia smiled wickedly.

“Of course. They didn't find my backup-backup knife, I've been trying to get to it.”  She wiggled against the restraints, her face showing her determination.

“I can't reach it though, you need to get it.” they scooted their chairs together carefully until Emma could teach Olivia's hands.

“Where is it?”

“Just above where my wrists were tied.” Emma fidgeted behind her until she found the knife and began cutting the ropes.

“So why did Drake call you Walker? And Anton called him your husband, so what am I missing?” Emma sighed and continued to slice the ropes till Olivia was free.

“It's not important right now. What's important is getting out of here.” Olivia looked between the two.

“I'm not cutting you loose until someone tells me.” Drake gave Emma an apologetic look.

“We eloped before the wedding. She was my wife first and foremost. Happy? Now cut us loose.” Olivia's eyes flashed with amusement.

“I'm sure Liam was thrilled.” Olivia quipped.

“He doesn't know. Please don't tell him.” Emma begged. Olivia's face was unreadable.

“As long as you let Liam be free.” Drake was confused but Emma knew what she meant and nodded, frankly she didn't care who Liam slept with, besides she thought Liam and Olivia would make a nice pair. It wasn't the time to worry about that though, they needed to get out of there. As soon as Drake was free though, she launched herself at him, Olivia looking for secret passageways or some other way out.

“Are you okay? They didn't hurt you, did they?” Drake grabbed either side of her face and looked Emma over, she only had a few rope burns from struggling against her bonds.

“I'm fine Drake, but you.” She reached up to run her hand along the large bruise forming where Claudius had hit him. Drake flinched, and Emma pulled her hand away.

“I'm sorry, this is my fault. I started egging him on and he took it out on you.” Drake silenced her with a kiss and she fell into it, wrapping her arms around him.

“I'm okay Walker. Let's get out of here.”

“Yes. Please let's get out of here.” Olivia rolled her eyes revealing an old panel that they thought would be their ticket out of there. They were able to find the passage, coming across Gladys as they tried to navigate the old Nevrakis stronghold. Emma decided to trust her, and she led them down to an armory and explained her side of the story to Emma and offered to lure at least some of the guards away. It wasn't much help, but they needed all they could get. As they paced through the halls they heard voices approaching, Drake was ready to swing but Emma stopped him before Hana and Maxwell rounded the corner. They pulled each other into a hug, relief flooding through all of them.

“If you're here then where's Liam?” Olivia snapped. Hana and Maxwell exchanged worried glances.

“He's probably meeting with Anton right now.” Olivia rushed past them and stopped in a doorway, they could see Anton and Liam in the ruins of an old grand entrance. Liam was unarmed and angry, demanding that his friends be released. Anton's thug stepped up and punched Liam in the gut making him double over, he planned to kill him. Emma tried to run in, as much as mad as she was at Liam, he had come for all of them and she didn't want him to die. Liam revealed a dagger in his coat and charged Anton, the others saw their chance and created a distraction with rocks before jumping into the fight. Chaos ensued as all of Emma's friends were in the middle of fighting guards, Claudius had Olivia pinned against the stairs as they wrestled, Drake was cornered by a guard, she rushed to his aid, taking out the guard, Drake grinning appreciatively.

“This isn't exactly how I pictured this night going. I was thinking more rose petals, maybe some candles would be involved.” They moved until they were back to back, fighting off guards.

“Me too Drake. Watching you fight with a sword is still pretty hot though.” As the last guard near them fell, Emma looked up only to find Anton pointing a gun at her.

“Get away from her!” Drake hissed slashing at Anton's arm forcing him to drop the gun. Furious, Anton unsheathed his sword and turned on Drake.

“You want to fight? It'll be your funeral!” He lunged at Drake and Emma couldn't believe what she was seeing, she wasn't going to give Anton another chance.

“NO!” With all her force, she swung her weapon at Anton, drawing blood, shocking him.

“Guards! Cover me!” He began to flee. Olivia rushed after him, the guards circling Drake and Emma once again.

“Why can't we ever find a peaceful moment together?”

“Because that's not our lives. Every moment is so worth it though.” She could hear the grin in his voice.

“You're right. Let's show them how it's done Mr. Walker.” The first guard lunged, and Drake easily sliced him down, the others hesitating as Liam offered mercy for standing down. One by one the guards laid their weapons down, Claudius rising from a pile of ashes.

“You'll never stop Anton!” Liam moved to take him out, but Drake beat him to it.

“This is for trying to shoot Barnes!” He clocked him right in the face. Claudius stumbled back but kept coming.

“This is for actually shooting me and talking about my dad!” Drake kicked him in the groin, making him fall to his knees.

“I told you that if you touched her, I'd kill you. This is for laying a finger on her!” Drake swung his sword down towards his neck and everyone looked away flinching but heard no sound. The sword laid against his neck, he had stopped. Instead Drake kicked him in the face, knocking him out. Everyone breathed out a sigh of relief.

“I'll let the crown deal with you.” Drake threw his sword down breathing heavy. Emma ran to him, thinking it was over.

“Olivia!” Liam rushed up the stairs, they turned to find Anton, bearing her down sword in hand.

“Stand down or die sweetheart!” he said menacingly. Olivia rushed him, knocking his sword away.

“Yes, stand down. I was trained by the fiercest warriors Lythikos had to offer, my parents.” She charged him with the dagger, but Anton caught it and turned it on her, plunging it into her side.

“You seem to have forgotten darling. So was I!” Olivia gasped and fell to the ground, gripping the dagger protruding from her side.

“Liv!” Liam stumbled on the stairs trying to get to her, she tried to stand but fell back down wincing as Anton loomed over her.

“If you can breathe you can stand!” Olivia met Emma's gaze and nodded.

“And if you can stand you can fight!” she pulled the dagger out of her side and managed to catch Anton in the chest before stumbling into Liam's arms unable to support herself.

“Liam, I'm bleeding a lot.” She pulled her hand away, bright red. He brushed a strand of hair from her cheek.

“You're going to be okay. You're a Nevrakis, you're the toughest woman I know.”

“You won't be okay though, this is the end of the line for you.” Anton leveled his sword at Emma and Drake who had rushed up to help. They were pinned against the bannister and it was a long fall. This was it, just as Emma had predicted, Liam had saved Olivia and now she and Drake would pay the price. He glanced back himself and gave her a look, he had an idea, it clicked with Emma as he reached out and squeezed her hand. Maybe it wasn't the end for them after all. Anton lunged, Drake and Emma stepped out of the way at the last moment and shoved him over the railing. He flailed on his way down, Maxwell rushing over to tie him up. It was finally over. Liam carried Olivia down the stairs, Drake and Emma holding each other before joining their friends at the bottom. Moments later, a loud commotion came from the front doors, the Kingsguard led by Mara and Bastien rushing in only to find that once again they were too late.

“What took you so long!” Olivia gasped, clutching her side again, Liam still holding her.

“Your Majesty, I'm glad you're alright.”

“Yes, don't worry about me Bastien. Liv needs medical attention now!” Liam barked. Mara began tending to her wounds, Bastien surveyed the area. He insisted on getting Emma and Liam back to the reception, everyone was waiting to see if they were okay. The moment everyone returned to the palace, cheers erupted, and Emma's friends were greeted by their families, worried but relieved they were safe, Cooper rushing up to Emma. Once the excitement died down, Maxwell pulled Emma and their friends out onto the dance floor, it had become a celebration of their victory and less about the wedding which Emma loved.

Next Time: Well I decided not to kill them. Are they all finally catching a break, or will Drake and Emma’s secret be revealed ruining everything? 

 Tag List:  @notoriouscs @brightpinkpeppercorn @ooo-barff-ooo @leelee10898 @princesstopgun@choicesyouplayandmore @sleepwalkingelite @roonarific  @indigo39@skyila @speedyoperarascalparty @andy-loves-corgis  @furiousherringoperatortoad @drakewalkerfics @findingdrake @sue9659 @smritysriv @larryssunflower @likethetailofacomet @zaffrenotes @mrsdrakewalkerblog @agent-bossypants @endlessly-searching-for-you   @cgd03 @simsvetements @jovialyouthmusic @akrenich

[heartbreakerholland]

lunchtime losers [p.p.]

Summary: Peter Parker was one of your best friends in high school, but there were moments that made you question who exactly he could be to you. Here are a few of those moments you spent in Midtown, trying to figure things out year by year.

Word count: 6.8k

Warnings: mentions of underaged drug use, mild swearing, open ended. . . ending(?), unedited

Disclaimer: i cannot stress enough that you shouldn't do drugs/alcohol while underaged. i know high school is weird and everybody might seem to be experimenting with new things, but i promise there'll be a time and place where it's appropriate to do so. i am in no way glamorizing/romanticizing (underaged) drug use, even if it's such a small portion of this fic. drug/alcohol abuse is very serious, even as a teenager when it doesn't seem like you're abusing it.

A/N: i have some pointers! this is a different writing style compared to what i've posted before. i've written like this back when i first started writing fanfiction years ago and quite frankly, i don't even like it that much, so i'm very iffy about this. this is based off of my own experience with getting to know my feelings about a good friend, and a lot of the scenes in here are closely accurate to what's actually happened in my life. the only part that i can say is 100% pure imagination is the ending, which i know will probably make a lot of you frustrated ☺️ (it's because i still haven't told this person my feelings for him oops) ANYWAYS this is written in a very one sided perspective, but i tried to write in a way that you can read between the lines and get a little idea of what peter’s feelings are too. a lot of peter’s and the reader’s feelings are told merely through action and dialogue and less of actual explaining, but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless 💞

feedback is greatly appreciated and feel free to request a part 2! enjoy reading!

[masterlist] [join a tag list]

•••

Freshman Year

"This has been going on for weeks," Michelle muttered to you. "If the tension at the table gets any worse, then I'm not sitting with you guys anymore."

You stepped out of the lunch line with your tray in hand, following MJ to stand away from the crowd of students. Looking behind her, you watched Peter and Ned enter the lunch room and sit down at your usual table.

You rolled your eyes. "I already told you. Maybe Peter likes me and maybe I like him back, but he's always been one of my closest friends. I don't want to ruin that."

She scoffed and began walking towards the table with you at her side. "So? You can date and still be friends—"

"But what about when we break up? We either stay friends or never talk to each other again. I'm not risking it."

You knew she would have said more, but the two of you already made it to your table. You took place in your usual seats, Michelle next to Ned and you across from them, next to Peter. You set your backpack on the ground underneath the bench where everyone sat. Without thinking about it, you handed Peter your chocolate milk carton and apple sauce, while he slid over his fruit snacks that May always packed for him. It was a routine; you always got those because you didn't like eating it but you knew Peter did, and Peter never told May that he doesn't like fruit snacks because you loved eating them.

MJ narrowed her gaze at you during the interaction, but you chose to ignore her. It was nothing more than a routine.

"Y/N, Michelle," Ned said. "Please tell Peter that he's being stupid.”

Without missing a beat, you and MJ repeated Ned's words at the same time.

Peter glanced between the two of you with mock surprise. "You didn't even know what we were talking about!"

MJ shrugged, taking a bite out of her food. "Don't have to. You're always stupid, Parker."

He put a hand over his chest. "I'm hurt, guys. I really am."

You chuckled but said nothing more, allowing your three friends to carry the conversation while your mind wandered.

You tried your best to pinpoint the moment you began liking Peter as more than a friend, but your heart wasn't into it.

All you could really tell was when you became more conscious of how close you always sat with him, thighs glued to the side and elbows never coming apart. You blamed it on the lunch table crowded with other students on either side of your friend group, giving you absolutely no space for Jesus in between.

You would catch yourself staring, taking note of his mannerisms and how his light brown hair always seemed to bounce whenever his head moved. You decided you noticed those things because of how long you've been friends with him.

You realized you always watched for his reaction first before seeing the others' after you said something funny, but you told yourself it was only because you valued his opinion the most.

You tried taking note of his flaws in hopes that it would get rid of whatever those feelings were. His hands were always clammy, his backpack was so big that you weren't sure how he didn't topple over when it was on his back, and sometimes he'd spit a little when he talked a lot. (For some reason, those things didn't push you away like you wanted.)

You felt a kick from under the table, bringing you back to the cafeteria. You looked up to be met with Michelle's glare, who signaled you to check your phone. Reaching into your pocket, you took your phone out and looked at the screen under the table.

Michael Jackson: if u keep staring at peter then he might actually notice for once

You gave MJ a look, who was the one who sent the text, and put your phone away. You didn't realize you'd been mindlessly eating until you felt full. You slid your food to Peter, who began eating the rest of it without second thought. (He always ate his lunch first then whatever you couldn't finish as well.) Routine.

Before you could actively participate in the conversation, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

The four of you rose from the long table, gathering your trash to throw it away. You slouched over to grab your bag from where you put it.

"Here ya go," Peter said from behind.

You turned around to see him holding up your backpack for you.

"Oh, thanks," you smiled, swinging the backpack over your shoulders.

He returned the smile. "You going to your locker?"

"Like always, Pete."

"Alright," he slowly backed away. "See you in five?"

You nodded and began walking the other direction, where your locker was. Michelle followed Peter to the band room while Ned decided to accompany you on your short walk.

"Soooo, Y/N," he said suggestively. "That dance is coming up."

You groaned. "I thought the four of us were just going to sleep over at MJ's that night?"

You stopped in front of your locker, opening it to grab a textbook for one of your classes later in the day. You grabbed one of Peter's hoodies that he left in there, knowing it would be cold in the band room. (You had a locker in one side of the school while Peter had his own in the other side. You both agreed to share both, merely for convenience and nothing more.) Ned leaned on the locker next to yours, facing you.

He fiddled with his backpack straps. "You know how the school's making it a 'girls ask guys' kind of thing? Well, Michelle was thinking that maybe we should go! Like, she'll ask me and you can ask Peter—"

You raised a pointed finger at your friend. "I see what you're doing now," you accused him. You shut the locker and began walking towards the band room with Ned beside you. "I don't condone meddling, Leeds."

"But Y/N!" he said excitedly. "MJ and I know that you two like each other. You know that Peter likes you. He knows that you like him. You know that he knows that you like him. He knows that you know that he likes you. It's a win-win!"

You sighed. "You're making it sound more complicated than it actually is."

The two of you made it to the band room and Ned opened the door for both of you to walk in. You both headed to retrieve your instruments, with other students swarming by.

"You're making it actually complicated! Look, Y/N. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but," he lowered his voice, "if you don't ask Peter to the dance, then he's gonna ask you."

You froze, holding your instrument case in the air. "What?" You regained yourself and set the case down, facing Ned. "No, Ned. No. Listen. I'll tell you what I told Michelle, okay? I just want to be Peter's friend—"

"But you like him!"

"But I don't want to do anything about it. It's just a crush—it'll pass. I treasure our friendship more than having a crush that won't last forever."

Ned raised and dropped his arms exasperatedly, giving up.

Michelle popped up, seeming chipper than usual. "Hey guys, we're practicing for contest today," she said. "What're you talking about?"

"It's not gonna happen, MJ," Ned sighed. He grabbed his instrument and trudged away, leaving you two alone since the rest of the students seem to have gone in their respective practice rooms already.

Michelle put her hands on her hips and stared at you, her attitude changing back to normal. "Why not, Y/N? Are you scared or something?"

You sighed. You turned around and headed the same direction Ned went, with MJ following closely behind. "No, I'm not scared. Can you guys please stop meddling? I just don't want anything to happen, and that's it."

The two of you stopped in front of your designated practice room, the door closed. You peeked through the small window in the door, seeing the boys were already in there, oblivious to you and MJ on the other side.

"Why not?" Michelle asked. "You'll regret not ever knowing what could have been—"

"No, that's the thing," you interjected. You were tired of hearing these talks about Peter, and it was beginning to show. "I know that I won't regret it. I can daydream about 'could-have-beens' with Peter all my life, and I'll be fine with that. I don't want to lose him, and if that means that I can't be with him romantically, then that's what I'm gonna do. Having a crush is always temporary, Michelle. Peter's the kind of person that I want permanently in my life. Do you know what I mean now?"

She stared at you with a hint of sadness in her eyes, like she could see right through your words. See what, you weren't sure. After a skeptical moment, she took a breath, surrendering. "Alright, fine. I'll let him know that."

You took a breath of relief. "Thank you."

Michelle turned to open the door to the practice room, Ned and Peter welcoming the two of you in.

-

The practice room was small with the four of you and your instruments in it, meaning you'd be in close quarters with them—Peter specifically.

It was easy to pretend your feelings for Peter weren't there. It was easy to act like yourself despite the elephant in the room. Before the complications, you and Peter were glued together, so why treat him differently now?

Maybe you noticed him noticing you, watching your moves when you pretended you couldn't see where his line of sight was directed. Maybe you took note of him flinching back whenever you accidentally brushed against him, and how the sweat from his palms were more prominent on his instrument.

But it was easier to ignore those things, which is what made it easier for you to act like it never happened in the first place.

Sophomore Year

You weren't usually one to gloat, but damn it you were right about the situation with Peter and you told yourself that you should be happy about it.

Crushes were always temporary. Friendship could last forever.

Could.

Michelle and Ned eventually stopped bringing it up freshman year, and you figured Peter eventually stopped liking you as well.

The whole ordeal wasn't something any of you talked about, an unsaid truth never to be spoken. You refused to even think about those weird few months and how you felt during that time. You told yourself that having a mutual crush on your best friend wasn't something to think about.

You were just glad that you weren't the center of Peter's attention anymore. You knew this was true, mainly because his attention drifted to Liz Allen. The intelligent, breathtaking, lucky girl: Liz Allen.

Besides Peter's obvious crush on her, nothing changed.

"If you three weren't my only friends at this school," MJ said, "I'd stop eating lunch with you guys."

You followed her out of the lunch line after paying, just like the normal routine since last year. The two of you began walking across the cafeteria and towards the same table you've always sat at, with Ned and Peter already there. (The only difference nowadays was Peter sat next to Ned, and you and MJ sat across from them, so Peter could helplessly drool over Liz across the lunch room.)

You chuckled. "Me too, I think. . . It's because of Peter, huh?"

She groaned. "Duh. All he does is gush about her."

You laughed as you sat down next to Michelle, having finally made it to the table. Before even being able to look at your food, Peter began talking.

"She straightened her hair today, guys! She looks so different but still. . . so good."

Ned followed where Peter's eyes were, seeing it was true. Michelle faked a gag, which only you noticed.

The two of you ate your food in silence, which was something different compared to before Liz came in the picture. Peter also stopped bringing you fruit snacks and eating the food that you couldn't finish, as well as denying to take chocolate milk and apple sauce from you.

Sometimes you'd catch yourself missing those little things, but you told yourself it was only because of the change in what used to be normal. Before, normal was getting squished next to Peter and enjoying it, oddly realizing the days he switched between his cologne, and endless banter between the four of you. Now, normal was having to think of what to say to strike a conversation with him, rolling your eyes at his comments on Liz, and being vaguely aware of the few times he looked your way.

You would find yourself hurting, and you'd have to correct your thoughts and say it was only missing the past. There was no use in feeling sorry for yourself, though. Things happen, feelings change, and that was that. You were still friends with Peter in one way or another, and that's what you wanted, so clearly you had to be happy about things going your way.

"You guys are losers," Michelle told the boys, who were still fawning over the senior girl in the cafeteria.

Peter didn't seem to hear her, (he didn't seem to hear anything you and MJ said, nowadays), but Ned shrugged. "You're still friends with us," he replied.

That was true. You were still friends and that's what mattered. It was weird having to remind yourself of that fact, but it was still that: a fact.

"Hey, Y/N?" Peter spoke out of nowhere.

His voice fazed you. It was odd hearing him say your name now, especially after realizing he used to say it almost as often as he breathed.

"You know about girls, right?"

You and Michelle shared a glance, knowing where this was headed.

"I mean, I am a girl, so yeah," you said. You looked at him, but his eyes never seemed to have left the special girl seated somewhere behind you. You paid no mind to it, your eyes going over how his head was dreamily rested on his hand.

"Okay, so," he began. "Hypothetically speaking. . . If you're a senior, would you date a guy that's a sophomore?"

You rolled your eyes, but decided to mess with Peter. "Well, what's the guy like?"

Michelle snorted.

"He's, uhm. . . He's pretty smart. Really nice, I think—"

"He's a cutie!" Ned chimed in.

You shrugged. "Well, if that's all he has going for him. . ."

"No!" Peter retaliated. "He's really cool, and uh, thinks you're pretty! Yeah, you're pretty."

You felt your face heat up and you were glad that none of your friends were looking at you for once.

-

You were warned that the people you walk into high school with would never be the people you'd walk out of high school with. People grew apart and that was life, apparently. You didn't think those warnings would actually apply to you, though. You thought the four of you were too strong together to separate.

By the time sophomore year was halfway done, you were proved dearly wrong.

You thought Liz would be the only strain on your friendship with Peter, but his behavior drastically changed out of nowhere then suddenly he got an internship with Stark Enterprises. Peter was one of the smartest people you ever met, so you weren't surprised. If anything, the real surprise was he not only quit the only class he had with you—which was music—but he stopped even trying to talk to you.

You and Michelle decided to stop sitting with Peter and Ned during lunch.

"There he goes again," Michelle pointed.

You followed her gaze and saw that Peter was fawning over Liz again, which was weird considering he rarely showed up during lunch anymore.

It hurt. You knew that now. Missing Peter wasn't something you'd expect to feel, but lately? It's all you've felt.

You didn't have to miss MJ or Ned, because you still saw them and talked to them regularly. It was only Peter. Always Peter freaking Parker.

Maybe you took him for granted. You'd never thought that there'd come a day that you'd stop sharing food, sharing classes, sharing a conversation.

"No point in regretting it," you said aloud.

It was more for yourself than to Michelle. You made your decision on who Peter was to you, so it would only be a waste of time in wondering who he could have been.

Junior Year

Something changed sophomore year. Ned told you that Peter ditched the academic decathlon which resulted in him getting detention. That was something you never expected to hear, considering Peter was the perfect example of Midtown High's star student.

The beginning of junior year, you saw him in music. He stayed this time.

He seemed to be taking advantage of "conveniently" getting the same class like before. He made a point to talk to you again—during class and lunch—and it was like he never ditched you and MJ.

"Oh my God," you rolled your eyes. You aggressively turned your body to face Peter who sat beside you. "You just want to win! You're not even right!"

He looked at Ned and MJ sat in front of you two for help, but they only stared back with clear amusement. (The four of you assumed your usual seats from freshman year, so you would always get squished against Peter's side at lunch again.)

"It doesn't matter if I'm right!" he exclaimed with big hand gestures. "A debate is a debate! You could be right—I'm not saying you are—but I'm just better at debating than you."

Ned did a terrible job at hiding his laughter from the argument you were having with Peter.

This was something that you were happy you had the chance of getting used to again—not that you'd ever tell Peter that. As soon as the school year began and all of you sat together, not so playful yelling was all that accompanied the lunch table.

The dorky boy loved proving himself right, and you loved proving people wrong. As soon as the second week of sharing lunch in the cafeteria passed by, it would have been weird not to bicker with him like before.

Michelle slammed her book closed, startling the three of you to silence. "Look," she said, giving you and Peter a death glare. "Y/N, Peter has some good points—all only technical, but still good."

Peter thanked her and you huffed, upset MJ wasn't on your side.

"Shut up, Peter," she said. "Peter, Y/N's still right, and you're just gross."

"Ha!" you yelled, then rose from the table's bench and reached over to high-five Ned. (You were sure he'd side with either of you, but it was the thought that counts.)

Peter scoffed. "It's not that gross," he said, refusing to take Michelle's answer. "If you were on a deserted island with a bag of frozen chicken nuggets and no microwave, it would still be safe to eat them—"

"The directions say to microwave them for a reason, Peter!" you interrupted.

"It's already cooked!" he brought up, which was something he pointed out earlier in the conversation. "It's cooked before it's frozen, then you can just warm it up in the microwave—but that doesn't mean you have to—"

"Y'know what, fine," you said, slamming your hands down on top of the lunch table. "You can eat frozen chicken nuggets all you want, Peter. But I am going to warm mine up in the microwave like everybody else. And if you get some weird disease, don't come crying to me because I was right—"

"I won't come crying back to you! Because I'm still right!"

The bell rang, signaling the end of your lunch before you could put another word in. The four of you immediately rose, with MJ and Ned heading straight to the band room.

You reached down for your backpack, only not to find it where you left it. Turning around, Peter held it in the air for you to shrug on. Just like before.

The two of you silently walked side by side to your locker so you could switch out textbooks and get one of Peter's sweaters that he always "forgot" in there.

"How's that one guy doing?" Peter asked, one hand in his jean pocket with the other gripping his backpack strap.

You shrugged, opening your locker. He leaned against the locker next to yours, staring you down with his usual grin.

You'd be damned if you didn't say puberty was doing Parker well. You wouldn't have noticed it if he hadn't ditched you last school year, but he definitely got. . . toned, to say the least. He also learned how to use hair gel and walked around school with clothes that seemed to make him more confident.

You cleared the thoughts away. Those things were only noticeable because you were friends with him. Obviously.

"You mean Carlos?" you replied. You reached into the locker and sorted out what you needed to.

Peter nodded then grabbed the textbooks you had in your arms. You shut the locker and the two of you began your walk to the band room.

"I'm pretty sure he was flirting with me, which was nice," you told your friend. "But he stopped talking to me out of nowhere and hasn't even opened my messages since."

He scrunched his eyebrows. "Here, lemme see the messages."

Before you could reach in your back pocket for your phone, Peter beat you to it with his free hand. He unlocked it and went to the messages. While reading it, he chuckled.

"Seriously, Y/N?" he said, amused. "That's why he stopped replying! You called him 'dude!'"

You gave him a shocked look. "So what? I call everyone dude."

Making it to the band room, you opened the door and followed Peter in. He spoke while the two of you set down your belongings. "You friend-zoned him."

You scoffed. "I did not!"

He gave you a look. "Y/N. I've been friend-zoned enough times to know when somebody else is getting friend-zoned."

You rolled your eyes and turned around to get yours and Peter's instruments, but something felt off about what he said. You didn't really care about talking to Carlos, but what Peter said felt like it was partially directed to you. You didn't blame him, because you technically did friend-zone him. . . but that was two years ago! Clearly he let it go by now, because you definitely did.

Senior Year

You and Michelle stumbled inside her home, waving a goodbye to Peter—who dropped you two off—before shutting the front door.

"Dude," you turned to her. She looked at you with glazed eyes, but was still able to keep her focus. You continued, "I am so gone."

Both of you giggled, leaning on each other to take off your shoes and put aside your bags. MJ led you to a couch, retrieved water from the kitchen, then sat next to you. She chugged the water down with a hand clearly steadier than yours. "What do you mean?" she asked. Her eyes were bloodshot and droopy, but she looked put together for the most part.

You shrugged lazily, taking a sip of your water. "You've seen me smoke," you said to her. "I've been. . . chill, buzzed, whatever. But right now? I am high." Laughter interrupted whatever you could have said next, though you weren't sure if you had anything to say.

She laughed with you, still clearly having a good time despite being more sober. "Really?"

"Yeah," you nodded. "Like," you looked around the room, searching for the right set of words. "I haven't been this high in a while. . . Like, you've never seen me this gone."

"Ooh," she rubbed her hands together comically. "I'm excited."

You rubbed your eye, forgetting the makeup you had on. "Why?"

"Because!" she chirped up. "You know what they say? Drunk words are sober thoughts. Well, high words too, maybe."

You shook your head with a smile before drinking more water. You didn't mind letting loose with Michelle; you trusted her, which was why you smoked as much as you did in the first place. You were comfortable enough to allow her to see this side of you, even if there was the chance you might not remember any of it in the morning.

You helped each other up the stairs, having decided you should at least take off your makeup and change your clothes. (Thank God her parents weren't coming home that night.) By the time you both finished, you were seated comfortably on the couch once again, this time underneath one large blanket and with the television playing late night cartoons in front of you. A single lamp as well as the TV were your only light sources, which kept the living room in a dim glow.

"Can I be honest?" you spoke over the cartoons, startling Michelle. Neither of you were sobering up at all, but that fact didn't stop anything.

She nodded and turned off the TV. MJ turned to completely face you, giving you her attention. "Yeah," she said. "What's up?"

You began rambling without hesitation. "You know how Peter was at the game? Well, of course he was. He had to be because the band was playing for the football team and he's in band. . . But anyways, I didn't talk to him at all—he always seemed busy with somebody else—but I couldn't stop. . . I don't know. I caught myself looking for him a lot, like, to see if he moved around the bleachers or something."

Michelle nodded, allowing you to continue.

"Okay, well. . . I don't know, dude," you continued. "You remember how we had crushes on each other freshman year? Well—I don't think I have a crush on him, I swear—but I feel something. . . It's weird. He's one of my best friends but I know there's something stronger there."

She looked around the room thoughtfully, searching for a reply. "What do you feel?"

It was hard to think clearly and how to explain yourself; the only word that stayed in your head the entire time was his name. Peter, Peter, Peter.

You began rambling. As soon as the words left your mouth, you instantly forgot what they were, but that didn't stop you from talking. "Michelle, it's so weird. I've never really told you this but, remember when he had a crush on Liz? And when he ditched us for a while after that? I—I think I missed him. And not just as a friend. You know what, I don't know."

Peter, Peter, Peter.

You shook your hands in the air as if you could shoo your thoughts away.

You continued. "I care about him as a friend and stuff, but I don't think how I've felt about him is how I feel about other people, like you or Ned. It's different. Like, I don't want to lose him. I don't want him out of my life."

Peter, Peter, Peter.

You sighed. "When he was gone for the whole Stark Internship thing, it felt like I really lost someone. I mean, I don't have to talk to you or Ned for days—weeks, even—and I'll be fine. But when the same thing happened with Peter? I would feel so. . . lost."

Michelle nodded, staying attentive the entire time. There was a part of you that knew she wasn't high enough to forget any of this, though you were sure you wouldn't remember much.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked.

You shrugged, looking down at your hands. Peter, Peter. "What does it sound like to you? I don't know what I'm feeling is called, but it's definitely not just a friendly thing."

She stared at you for a moment, contemplating what to do next. "I'm not sure if this has anything to do with you two," she began, "but I think you should know. . . You know how you'd leave during lunch sometimes to go to the bathroom?"

You nodded, recalling the multiple occasions.

"Well," she continued. "Ned and I talked about it, and we noticed that Peter's not the same when you're gone, either. Like, he'd look so bored and would play games on his phone compared to when you're at the table and he'd never stop talking."

You imagined him doing so. "Huh."

"Yeah. . ." she said. "Let's just go to sleep, okay? Sleep on it, and I'll remind you whatever you forgot you said in the morning, alright? Then we can figure out what to do."

As soon as MJ said the word "sleep," you instantly realized how heavy your eyelids felt. You nodded at her proposal, and laid yourself down on the couch with her.

You weren't sure if your eyes were closed or if it was just that dark in the living room, but you were definitely thinking. You imagined the feeling of being brushed against Peter's body, whenever you sat next to each other or walked side by side in the school halls. He started driving recently, and for some reason you always got shotgun while MJ and Ned didn't hesitate to sit in the back. You could nearly feel your elbows touching when you both leaned on the console at the same time. You remembered the times he'd laugh around you, uncaring about how loud it might've been, as well as the fact that he said your name more times in one day than anybody else did in a whole month.

His absence sophomore year definitely put a strain on you. You loved Michelle and Ned to bits, but you were pretty sure you might've loved Peter in a different way.

Him being out of your life for that period of time was confusing but, at the same time, clearer than looking through a window. You managed to keep tabs on him even if it meant only scrolling through his Instagram or seeing how he'd hold himself across the hall. You knew then that you cared about that boy more than you ever cared for anyone else.

You were terrified of you two becoming more than friends because that meant you had a chance of it ending badly and never talking to him again. Staying friends meant staying safe.

It meant that you had more of a chance of him being with you, which is what you knew you always wanted. You knew you'd be happy, crush or not, as long as Peter was in your life the rest of the way.

Is that what it feels like to love?

-

You nervously rubbed your hands together, which gained odd looks from other students due to the warm New York weather. It was a few months after that fated night with Michelle, the day of the senior field trip. The entire senior class got to go into the city and do whatever they wanted for an entire school day.

Michelle coolly stood beside you, her hands in both her jacket pockets. "I'm excited," she admitted.

You squinted at her. "For what?"

An uncharacteristic smile broke her face. "You know! You're finally gonna confess your feelings to Parker. It's about time, honestly. Ned and I were beginning to think about calling off our deal we started freshman year—"

"Hey guys!" a voice chimed in from afar.

You gave MJ a look to stop talking about the subject, watching Ned and Peter walking towards you two.

"I am so excited," Ned said. You caught him giving Michelle a wink, which told you that she informed him of the "plan."

You would've groaned if Peter weren't standing right next to you.

"Me too!" Peter said obliviously. "I really want to check out that new pop culture museum."

A teacher announced for everyone to gather up and get inside the bus. The four of you sat in the back together, you and MJ sharing one seat while Peter and Ned were seated right in front of you.

"I'm scared of getting lost, honestly," Ned confessed a bit after the bus began moving.

Peter huffed his chest. "Don't worry, man! The internship," he winked at the three of you, "really let me get to know the city, so I'll know everywhere we go."

You and MJ rolled your eyes together. Peter had shared his secret about being Spider-Man with the two of you not too long after he got his license, only because his "spider senses were tingling" right before avoiding a crash.

"By 'everywhere' do you mean all the port-a-potty's?" you teased him.

Peter made a face. "That was one time! Ya use the bathroom once and that's when the paparazzi show up," he whispered to himself.

-

You were nervous for nearly the entire day due to the anticipation of confessing to Peter. It was hard figuring out when and where to do so; should you make a big deal out of it like one big crush proposal or just bring it up out of nowhere as if it were the most normal thing to say?

Decisions, decisions.

The four of you were inside the new Museum of Pop Culture, wandering around aimlessly with offhand remarks for everything in the exhibits.

"Guys," Ned said. He walked beside Michelle while you and Peter were behind. "The horror exhibit actually looks pretty scary."

You peeked through the glass doors, the exhibit on the other side. All you could see was red glowing from the ceiling, which did make Ned seem correct.

"Never fear," Peter whispered to the three of you. "Spider-Man is here."

Your group walked through the doors, instantly being met by speakers blasting screams and haunting music. The red lights from above were your only source of light, leading the way deeper into the exhibit.

"Oh," MJ said softly. "Y/N, don't look up."

Not many things scared you, but you knew that Michelle was well aware of what did.

Trusting her, you instinctively gripped onto Peter's upper arm and watched your feet move on the ground. You noticed he instantly tensed at the contact, his bicep tougher with your fingers barely able to wrap around it.

"It's alright, Y/N," Peter said, looking up to see what MJ was talking about. "It's not even that ba—ohmygod we're not walking that way."

He redirected you to the left after the exhibit opened up into a large room. You heard Ned and Michelle chuckle at Peter, who allowed the two of you to move in front of them.

"Dude," you heard Ned from behind. "It's just a bunch of hanging bodies wrapped like. . . mummies?"

Knowing you were well past whatever MJ told you not to look at, you raised your head and took in your surroundings.

"Oh," you said. "It's not that bad."

You looked to the right side of the room where Peter made a point not to cross and saw what Ned was talking about. You laughed, letting go of Peter's arm. "You call yourself Spider-Man? It's not even that scary."

All of you stopped and stood with one of the walls behind you, scoping out the exhibit.

"That's the one thing I don't like!" Peter complained.

Michelle walked over to the small area of fake bodies hanging from the ceiling, all of them covered with cloth and net. She poked it.

"It's fake, you dork," she said.

You and Ned followed her and saw the bodies made a maze, leading to an explanation on what movie that section was about. The three of you taunted Peter, walking into the maze.

The brunette puffed his chest. "Yeah, whatever."

He was last to go inside, the rest of you well ahead. There was a line of bodies between you and him, so you pushed the one closest to him.

Peter screeched.

"One thing!" he screamed. "That is the one single thing! I hate you guys!"

The rest of you broke out into laughter.

-

You were all seated in a McDonald's booth, leisurely eating your shared meals. You had assumed the same seating as you always did for lunch at Midtown.

You felt a kick from under the table. Looking up, Michelle gave you a pointed look.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," she announced.

She scooted out of the booth and stood up.

"Oh yeah, me too." Ned said.

The two of them walked towards the back of the fast food restaurant.

So this was it.

How the hell were you going to do it? You didn't even know if Peter had any feelings more than platonic for you. What if all he felt was platonic? You would make things awkward, ruin your friendship, waste all that time for the past four years being one of his best friends for something non-mutual.

You could hear your heart beating through your eardrums. Your hand shook a little every time you raised a fry to your mouth.

You were terrified. You weren't sure if confessing would even be worth it. In a few months, high school would be over. You'd have no good reason to see any of your friends everyday again, nonetheless Peter by himself.

Maybe you've just been overthinking everything. It wouldn't have been hard to believe that your feelings came only from convenience of going to the same school, having the same class, eating at the same table.

You cared for him, but maybe that was all there was. It could just be an unconditional love, like loving a brother.

You shook your head at yourself. That wasn't it; you definitely did not think of Peter as a brother. Even a little graze against him made your senses go wild. Every time you had eye contact with him, you'd force yourself not to look away despite thinking he'd always have been able to look straight into your soul and know what you felt.

You always knew what he would say if he saw you do something stupid, and you were always excited to hear what he'd think about something that happened to you when he wasn't there. You'd be able to recognize his laugh a mile away, and being the cause of his smile made you feel light.

You knew he'd tell you the truth on which shirt looked better with which jeans and not just say you looked good no matter what. He'd make sure to take stray lint out of your hair and point out if you had something in your teeth.

You've had short crushes on other people, and you even dated some of them for an amount of time. They never made you feel the same way Peter did.

You remembered the feelings you had when you found out he went to homecoming with Liz Allen sophomore year. When you learned of his crush on her, it was a dull ache. But when you even saw them at the dance together? It pierced.

But you were still able to get back to the groove of your feelings after that.

Yeah, you might've been in love with Peter Parker. What took you four years to realize that?

"Hey, Y/N?"

Your head jerked up and you looked at him beside you. God, what were you going to do? Could you bring yourself to say it?

Shut up,you thought to yourself. Eventually, it'll be too late. Say it now.

Peter continued talking after you stayed silent.

"I know this is really out of the blue," he said. He put down the burger in his hands and faced you completely. "But I just want to say thank you for everything. We're gonna be graduating pretty soon and. . . I don't know. I just really appreciate you—and MJ and Ned—for sticking around."

You nodded your head, urging him to continue, nervous to hear what he had to say next.

"Things were really weird after I got bit by the spider and I still feel like shit for ditching you guys for a while. . . But thanks for letting me come back. I couldn't have ever imagined getting better people in my life than you three. Even if we go across the country for college or something, I really hope we can all stay friends. I love you guys, you know."

Oh.

You smiled at him like he did to you. Friends.

You cleared your throat. "I love you too, Pete."