#and some of those ‘stars’ for all intents and purposes are *literally made of the souls of your dead friends*

[mumblesplash]

hi your sculk post has me frothing at the mouth

What if it WAS warm and comfortable and soft and cosy

What if it also smelled nice, released attaching pheromones like those pitcher plants do, or the goo tasted sweet to lure creatures in

What if it wasn't a smell so much as an absence of the dank musty cave air, and it was a welcome breath of something cosy and comforting that just made you want to curl up and sleep

And then the sculk is soft underfoot, and it feels like it might be wet and slimy but it's actually kind of velvety, in that slightly coarse alive way that a living animal is soft and warm

And you're so tired from mining and exploring and damn wouldn't it be nice to just have a lie down and rest for a bit

And it's so soft and comforting, a bit weird but getting more agreeable by the second

Wouldn't it be nice to just.... Rest your eyes, and your legs.... And everything..... And just sleep.....

OH THE THING ABOUT THE SMELL IS SO GOOD

i really love the idea of it just smelling distinctly like Nothing, or just fresh air, you know that smell when you’re outside on a clear night in the summer and it’s almost-warm but not quite, that’s a smell you’d probably really miss after a long enough time underground

also the sculk does this hypnotic little animation where the little bright parts flicker in waves that could be part of the calming effect as well

but like YEAH the more i think about the more i'm into the idea that dormant sculk would be comforting. sculk not only eats the essence of formerly-living things, it grows in the shape of the places it spreads to. if you think of a more typical concept of an overgrown post-apocalyptic city you probably imagine lots of disruption, trees and vines widening cracks in streets and buildings crumbling, but sculk doesn't do that. your home could be completely eaten and it would still be standing there, you could still walk inside. and chances are that's on purpose

[starry-bi-sky]

I'm slowly becoming obsessed with the childhood friends au and it's mostly bc of something you said in the tags of an ask lol. you mentioned that they weren't soulmates they were something better. that they were two balls of yarn they batted around until they were intertwined, that they chose and continue to choose to be as close as two souls can be.

it's so poetic, the idea that fate has nothing to do with it. they looked at each other and said this is it, that's the one. It makes me think of so many different quotes but here's just a few. Hozier "lay me gently in the cold dark earth, no grave can hold my body I'll crawl home to her (him)" or like patroclus saying that if Achilles were to die that "all things soft and beautiful would be buried with him" and poor Danny grieving so long and so hard because "what is grief if not love perserving?" when you're in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe and to lose them is to be thrown to a tempestuous sea.

and thinking of their reunion makes me feel a little crazy too cause I see what you've been plotting and it just makes me think of how their relationship is going to be at first. like here's a person that you love so deeply and it's been so long since you've seen them and you've both changed since. will they click back together seemingly effortlessly? attached at the hip for a bit because they're both/or one is scared of being separated again? or will there be some friction for a while while they try to realign their pieces to fit together, to figure out what's different and what's practically the same? "you are a language I am no longer fluent in but still remember how to read"

sorry for rambling, I love them your honor.

🫵 DONT YOU DARE APOLOGIZE FOR RAMBLING I LOVE GETTING RAMBLING ASKS. AND SAME.

There was this one sound on tiktok that I heard that reminded me of them, and I just went and found it, and it goes: "I would recognize you in another lifetime entirely in different bodies, different times, and i would love you in all of this. Until the very last star in the sky burnt out into oblivion." and the first time i heard it i literally thought "this is CFAU Danny and Jason"

AND YEAH THEY JUST. I love devoted characters, i love when characters are so deeply devoted and loyal to each other its like you can't imagine them being anywhere else but at each other's side. That wasn't wholly my intent when I first came up with CFAU last fall, but god I am not complaining about how it turned out. My favorite part of the chapter 1 rewrite is making sure Danny's devotion to Jason was reciprocal.

god those quotes. they're so accurate too. yeah. i thought about this au once in the context of a soulmate au, and just couldn't get behind it. It made their whole dynamic felt cheapened, like of course they're soulmates; it was destined. When no, it wasn't. They made it that way.

(If the two of them were somehow transported to a universe with soulmate marks, they would not have matching symbols. That's okay, Danny and Jason don't need them to be. They'd pick up a tattoo gun or a pen and make their own. They wouldn't call it a soulmate mark, just a them mark.)

("Why should I share my soul with some schmuck I don't know? I want to share my soul with you.")

yeah. their reunion is. ! about as exactly as intense as it needs to be :]. They've both changed so much, and they're both scared of being separated again. Jason purposely stayed away from Amity because he knew he couldn't keep away if he didn't. Being back together again is like having a piece of them returned.

SPEAKING OF QUOTES. Here's one:

I don't believe in the death that you're bringing The reason I'm living is you Wherever you go That's where I'll be Even if death tags along, I don't mind It's still you and me I'll never leave you alone

"Death's At My Door" - The Outsiders Musical

[punkbxt]

the people in charge of nutrek dont care about the ideals and premise of star trek and star trek: picard is its biggest tell. its a story that would have been much better if they hadnt brought back legacy characters but also would have been much better had it not been written at all because nobody wants more space cops

the moment picard decided to wash his hands clean of the romulan android situation was the moment i knew that oh this isnt the picard everyone has come to know and love. at his core who he is someone that would not let anyone die if he could help it. like thats his thing if he has the power to help he will!! and yeah sure thats shown in pic too but he literally was like ‘fuck you federation im not gonna help u ignore the romulans cries for help’ when he fr coulda just asked for forgiveness after helping with the power he had as a respected captain or whatever he is. something EVERY oldtrek captain has done time and time again

and yes! characters and their ideals change over time but not fucking like THAT

pic takes a tragedy, a genocide, and takes the romulans, a species that has for the most part always been the enemies of the federation and makes them easy prey. it makes them evil except for those that defected or disguised themselves (look up white passing and what it was actually for and why its a thing). and to put it into more understandable words:

lets say the federation is usamerica (bc for all intents and purposes thats literally what it represents) and that the romulans represent people of color and jews. pic serves for us on a platter that the genocide was just another thing that happened and “its okay they died anyways. romulans have never been on the side of the federation and never wanted to be anyways so no loss” this is what the federation believes

pic has been severely affected by white supremacist and antisemitic ideology and like while yeah science fiction is used to discuss and challenge the oppression we experience today, youd think a franchise that has always preached about diversity inclusion and acceptance would finally get over mass genocide of a “lesser” race as a form of storytelling. its uncomfortable and not in a way in which it makes you think but in a way that shows that even hundreds of years in the future vitriol prevails and it fucking sucks. its harmful towards people of color and jews when even in science fiction we cant escape that someone out there wants us dead

we’ve had enough of white supremacy and antisemitism taking a lil seat at the table to cause ruckus there are 100% other things that could have created and interesting dilema. the federation is literally on some cristobal colon shit n the more nutrek that gets made the less star trek holds up the ideals of diversity inclusion acceptance and love that it preached from its inception. we are instead given a narrative that yeah no matter how long you fight no matter how hard you fight you will NEVER win because systemic racism always wins in the end. its a tired and weak narrative and just goes to show if you dont have any other engaging stories to tell just stop telling the stories and stop ruining characters by making them do things they absolutely wouldnt even stand for

we r stuck with characters that suck up to other characters just because of their legacy and the writing when everyone deserves to be way more mad at picard. sidenote all of the genuine progress that has been made in television with diversity and representation has gone like 20 steps back when it comes to portraying people of color bc not ONE from the main crew passes the paper bag test (again ive only seen season one) which further goes to show white supremacist ideals subtly shining through

the point of star trek is that there will be a better more welcoming loving kinder future than the present and the past. and yeah theyve never been good at portraying that exactly because hope cannot exist without despair. but if you do not learn the mistakes of the past you are bound to repeat them and clearly these writers have not been studying the source material

hope this helps idk man i just b saying shit sometimes sorry if some stuff is repetitive

[ocpotluck]

No offense but literally people are gonna just pick mutuals and friends and that's okay, but if you're mutuals and friends are not participating then you're doomed unless someone is really nice and includes you. Also the Pride Challenges are just... Why can we not have simple straightforward challenges anymore without all the fancy blurbs etc. I just spend all my time trying to interpret it.

Hello Anon,

As of recent years, we've only ever had the same people join the exchanges. At this point, everyone's already 'considered' mutuals. No matter what we do, no one else wants to join or attempt to join. This has been going on for four years. We created this blog after the Maddie ordeal because they purposely shut us out of the blog we used to have called ocgiftexchange where I and another admin were the only ones who did the work while Maddie promoted everything.

We remade this blog in hopes of bringing more happiness and comfort to those who wanted those without judgement or limits. When we started, we had many people who participated but due to anon hate, many have reached out to us to say that they wished to no longer join because of the remarks that been said. Some have even been pushed off from Tumblr which is a horrible thing because as I said, we made this blog to be a small positive corner of the oc community. We may not have a huge following, and sure it's manly mutuals that join but it isn't our fault. We try to accommodate, but no matter how hard we aim to please, we seem to fall short in someone's eyes. And that's a very real life lesson, so we move forward.

I'm personally going to health issues so next month of June is going to be hard for me and the other admins are working their 9-5 jobs that require them to head to bed early at night and still need to make time for their college courses. We just figured since it's been the same people that been joining in for the past years that they could choose any three of the participants that they'd like to edit for. But even that is just a mere suggestion of who'll they'd like to gift for, it's no guarantee. We're still matching the people but they just get a say.

I also cannot speak for Pride Challenges blurbs. I don't write them personally, the only one I ever wrote for was for the Star Wars challenge. I solely run ocpotluck.

Some people prefer the more lengthy summaries to help them get an idea of what to do and how to do it because they need references, and that's not a bad thing. Some people naturally have a hard time understanding things so the blurbs help reduce those slight frustrations. However it can be hard for others to understand the text and try to decipher the meaning, but it's all up to interpretation.

I didn't mean for this ask to go on and on, but I just wanted to clarify a few things in a well respected and mannered way. This has no ill-intention or was supposed to be read in a passive tone or anything. This is just a simple reasoning behind our exchange and mission of ocpotluck.

Thank you.

[accio-victuuri]

CPN : Candies from Sunshine By My Side ( filming wrap ) ☀️

I may miss some minor candies but that’s just how it is cause people may interpret things differently. It’s just so nice to see new content from and XZ, and the fact that Sheng Yang is so cute! can’t wait to meet him!

some things already discussed previously:

night light fake rumor

same sun emoji used

disclaimer : everything below is cpn, speculation and interpretation that is very bjyx bias. if you’re not into that then please leave.

━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━

I wanna start with ZZ’s general aura and disposition during the wrap, and how happy he was. It’s really nice to see him be among a group of people that seems to dote on him and that he can be comfortable with. You can probably see some double standard talk going around, that yes, during CQL wrap, he was also happy — however, in the last day, there were moments that they both looked sad. Also the airport photos of GG next day where his eyes were swollen — from crying probably. Add one of the CPNs that they both cried when the filming ended inside their car. So yeah. As much as I see him happy, it brings me back to the bittersweet ending of CQL. I won’t add any video/photo evidence of this anymore because it’s a well-known fandom CPN.

I also just remembered how much of a jiejie collector XZ is. LOL. If WYB collects geges, then XZ collects jiejies. That’s what I noticed with his interactions towards his co-star. I think she’s another jiejie who is now doting on XZ. 😂😂😂😂

Moving on to the other CPN clues, starting with some usual fandom symbols that we see. I love adding those to every post because it shows how consistent they are. for example the logo animation of XZS where GG talks about the Moon. like how many times did we make a CPN between them connected to the 🌙? these might be hard to spot for new turtles or those who aren’t into cpns.

sunflower, the legendary fan given by wyb, red heart, apple watch — need i say more? for the drawing, i’m not sure if ZZ made it but the wink did it for me cause he usually does that. i mean, even WYB’s black panther was winking. sooooo… The 10:05 is a given, but the 10:23 is a nice one cause we’ve been associating him to 23 ( Ai Zhan / Love Zhan ). I have also been thinking about this number because for XZS lantern festival game, they are giving away 23 desk calendars. so specific.

this imagery from the vlog compared to WYB’s single video is just so similar. the sunshine allowing plants to grown. whether that me be literal or metaphorical. how they view the world is so hopeful 🤍🤍🤍 and this is why they get along so well. there is really no way they wouldn’t be close, even if they didn’t end up playing WWX / LWJ. I believe that somehow, they would find their way to each other and still have the relationship we think they have. 🌱

and yes, we know that this was part of the filming process. at the start, XZ planted it and during the course of the shoot cared for it and watched it grow. but the similarity in their message to people and to the world. I can’t. this is some next level coincidence and connection.

The use of words that are same/similar to the captions of Hidden Blade’s weibo account is next. It’s one of those things that I think XZ is purposely fucking with us. It’s not like you can claim that he copies HB, because they do not own those captions on their posts. it’s just words. However clowns will know — what are the chances that he is using the same/similar? Mister eloquent himself who also has a team that does his videos. It all seems intentional.

• “plant your own sun” / and then HB is always putting suns on every 100 million they get in the box office. the intention in XZ’s words is like, do it yourself. like a person works hard to get their success. similar to what happened to HB, they have very little backing and it’s because the movie is actually good that it’s getting the recognition.

• 春回大地 the return of spring. It’s from a chinese idiom which means that spring returns to the earth. It is described that the severe cold has passed, and warmth and vitality have come to the world again.

• 逐光而行 follow the light / 与光同行 walk with the light.

there is also a cpn going around about the sound you can hear from the radio. I am the last person to verify things like this but can you hear wuming? 💀💀💀

but I think the correct explanation is, what it’s actually saying is “how do you rate it?” ( or something like that ) and because of the sound manipulation, you can sort of hear wuming. this is not the first time XZ puts things that he purposely wants us to mishear. lol.

that’s all for now. i am still waiting for an actual trailer from this drama + one & only so we can have proper FMVs of Sheng Yang and Chen Suo. The AU / Parallel world Yizhan pairing to rule them all 😂😂😂

-END.

[brw]

not to bother more people but like... ive said it before and i will say it again; there's nothing wrong with an evil hank. i do think he absolutely has dubious morals, dubious ideas, dubious motivations that could be exploited in ways to make him the worst possible version of himself. it's what makes him an interesting character–that there are so many ways he could be evil, so many events in his life that would be a villain origin story in any other characters' history, and yet he remains someone who tries to think about ethics, that makes his friends laugh, who is considerate and kind and likes to play music and quote shakespeare.

the thing isn't that hank is evil, it's the fact that hank is just unbelievably , cartoonishly evil. he's not a convincing character anymore, because every evil aspect of him is so greatly exaggerated he genuinely feels like a star wars villain more than anything else. wherever as before, while Hank was questionable, even at his worst moments you could always empathise with him or at the very least understand where he was coming from; he's clearly torn up while doing shit for the illuminati, or while he's working with dark beast in endangered species, or when he's teaming up with supervillians to cure the legacy virus or when he's faced with his consequences in all new x-men. even during ivx, when his reasons were bogus, you at the very least could understand where he was coming from from an ethical perspective even if it was fucking stupid.

And every time where Percy has had an opportunity to display an understanding of Hank or even like reference anything that might be consequential or interesting or impact him, he just doesn't. Like it does feel like there's zero consideration into how a character like Hank would actually evolve into an evil character, which Dark Beast did. Dark Beast was interesting because despite being a clearly and overtly evil person, he also had emotional draws even he hadn't managed to rid himself of; one of the most interesting comics with Dark Beast is X-Men Unlimited #10, where he's unable to kill Hank's parents after hearing about their genuine love for their son.

I'm not convinced if asked Percy would comfortably name who Hank's parents actually are. And it's unfortunate because it ends up feeling like Percy has a shockingly naïve idea of what evil people look like despite the actual content of his comics. That they're clearly and overtly insane, cruel, sadistic, literally making torture stations in space or killing their closest friends and are overall easy to hate and easy to dismiss as being nothing like yourself. And no, not every villain has to be a deep nuanced portrayal of corruption and how even those with the best intentions can become warped and lead astray, but Hank was once a nuanced character. He was interesting, once.

What made Hank so interesting again, was that he could have very easily been evil the moment he became blue and furry, but wasn't. He became an Avenger and when that didn't work, applied himself to the Defenders. He was kind. He made friends. He played the guitar and was deeply upset when he couldn't anymore when he became catlike. Like when he says in New X-Men #117, the reason he avoids violence is because he believes in other, better, bigger things.

Again. I do think Hank can be morally questionable and dubious and do incredibly unethical things in the name of the greater good.... but he is also someone who loves his friends and that doesn't stop being a factor. Evil shouldn't be a supervillian who will literally shoot some of his closest friends in the back and use their bodies against their will and break a submarine in half condemning men with families and children to death, we don't need that. It doesn't serve any purpose than a cartoonishly caricatured antagonists for heroes to take down. What makes a morally dubious Hank interesting is the fact that people can still at least understand where he's coming from. Understand his thoughts and motivations and when done well even relate to them. That he could still be loving and caring and funny and kind and still do horrible things, because being evil doesn't miraculously remove your ability to make jokes.

It's just frustrating. Because I feel like the only thing the increasingly ridiculous feats of evilness do is just make it more and more likely that the next status quo will just reset Hank rather than deal with all that unless they just want full on Cassandra Nova deranged villain. And it's annoying because there are so much potential here but instead that's being ignored in favour of the shock factor and it's frustrating because I do enjoy the darker side of Krakoa–but there's no believability in making a bunch of clones to make up for your team, who will probably end up turning on themselves in like an issue for again, shock factor.

Anyway I'll get off my soap box but basically I think Hank would be more interesting as an actually morally grey character rather than all out evil, or at least an evil person you can understand and share motivations with. Instead he's literally just cartoon character villain with a little more blood and gore than usual.

[sllowshow]

jameson and orla :)

how did they meet? it's not incorrect to say through their siblings dating, but they weren't technically introduced by zoë and monty. while maybe it was their being together that had made jameson follow zoë on instagram. it was fate, something bigger than all four of them that compelled him to check his instagram stories while he was waiting in a fortnite lobby, and get his first glimpse of her: a picture of orla and her sisters, at the beach, all tagged. she sat on the edge of their picnic blanket, sunkissed with curls peeking out from beneath her hat. he shut his xbox off after a minute or so of scrolling through her grid. it was simply time to lock in and slide into her dms posthaste. and he's got the game of a man who's too dumb to care if he sounds cringey. the rest was history <3

who is more affectionate in public? in private? probably jameson for both. i think he's kind of touchy and like will not be stopped just because they're in public versus private. within like reason (although i'm sure her parents would disagree. sure they've probably seen more than they'd care to one year after the sun went down at aaron's famous fourth of july party.

who is the bigger romantic openly? secretly? i think orla both. i think jameson claims loverboy status but like. i dont know i feel like his love is very of the moment if that makes sense. but orla's got a more romantic view of like the world at large. like she's got the heart for beautiful spring days and fresh fruit and im maybe too high to be doing this. it's okay.

who is more likely to plan something big for valentine’s day? not to immediately pull a Both but both.... i think they get excited about planning stuff like that together. like orla's researching restaurants they can try and get a seat at, jameson's all excited to take her roller skating or something corny like that. like i think they loveeee a good date night. and trust they're all well documented. these people have the most massive digital footprints.

who is more likely to initiate hand-holding in public? handholding specifically? probably orla. i think that feels sweetie and fun and her style. jameson's more inclined to like arms around the waist or shoulders.

who is more likely to make huge declarations of love in front of other people? i don't think either of them would like particularly struggle with that kind of thing. but i do think jameson is one of those guys who gets wasted and feels the need to give a speech about the girl who changed everything. so do with that what you will.

who developed a crush on the other first? jameson he was simply down bad from square one. because he's been generally stupid and impish in the past, i think they were a pair that raised some brows at first, but she literally held all the power there babey.

who is more likely to send cutesy texts to the other? orla. jameson lacks the reading comprehension. but again i cannot stress enough she is adorable.

who spends time reading their zodiac compatibilities? orla again! mama's in tune with the universe. she's keeping an eye on what the stars have ordained. jameson will proudly claim he is aries, the bull.

who tends to get sick more often? who is better at taking care of the other? jameson gets sick more often which works because orla is better at taking care of him. he's well intentioned but ultimately would need to be like. explicitly told what she needed in the way of care when i imagine she'd already have the perfect soup in mind from the first sniffle.

who believes in soulmates? they both do and i mean it. i think in their own ways they share a very similar philosophy and part of that is having always believed their was someone they were meant to be with, someone that makes them a better version of themself, someone they can share life with. like corny on purpose what they believe. and i think its beautiful that they found each other.

who cooks the dinner, and who washes the dishes? orla cooks ^^ jameson has never eaten this many vegetables before in his life. its overwhelming sometimes. he will wash the dishes tho.

who does the majority of the driving? jameson simply insists that is his job. and she's his darling passenger princess.

whose family do they celebrate more holidays with? orla's. the hanna's have a massive gravitational pull. but for real, i think like the reids are decently close but definitely not as tight knit as the hannas and their web of family friends who all want to celebrate together. i think for a number of holidays, they're happy to invite his parents to join them as well, but i think they've staked the claim on hosting.

do they have any personal holiday traditions together? they're matching christmas pajamas people and they're gonna stay in those pajamas for as long as physically possible whenever they're celebrating. its that, cookies from the hanna family baking sesh, and cartoon christmas movies all day.

if they get married, what was the wedding vibe? summer wedding. ceremony maybe even on the beach. i think she wore some gorgeous drapey gown and he probably didnt wear a jacket or maybe even a tie. twinkle lights at the reception energy. i dont think they really stressed on it much. like i think they were mostly just excited to be doing it and having a party with all the people they loved so the details didn't matter as much.

how did they decide what to name their child(ren)? i think jonas and emmeline were both proposals from orla. i think jonas pretty closely aligns with jameson's sesnsibilities, but he is the culprit behind calling her emmy.

[demadogs]

Hi! I'm warning you beforehand of the long ask incoming.

I just wanted to say that I agree so much with your post on why season 4 is better than season 3.

Also I'd like to add that while I preferred volume 1, I think the people who dislike volume 2 so much are exaggerating a bit. Sure the monologue threw us all at first, but we've already figured out how it was necessary for byler's development. Most of the complaints I've seen are related to the 2 days time skip and the ending being rushed. But they have already stated in multiple interviews that it's supposed to feel that way. This ending is like in star wars (in that one movie where everyone loses at the end, I don't remember the name sorry). You're supposed to feel disappointed and like everyone has lost. They said tons of times that the end of this season will tie directly with the begging of season 5, so those things that weren't addressed due to the time skip will most likely be addressed in the first episode of season 5 (and it makes a lot of sense because the finale was already 2hours 30min long and addressing of this quickly in some additional 10 minutes is worse than giving it it's proper time within a whole new episode). For example, we didn't see reactions to Eddies death but it's already confirmed that it will be important for some character's development in the next season (specially Dustin's) so they didn't "skip scenes of mourning Eddie" they just saved them for the future to give them the proper time to be better addressed.

Also, Eddies death was necessary and inevitable, I'm sorry. Not only for character development, but also because if he survived, there's no way they could have convinced the agents and the FBI that the Earthquakes were Vecna's fault and not his (him sacrificing his own life was literally his way to escape jail because otherwise he would already be sentenced).

And finally, while killing main characters can be a good thing if done properly, the people who complain the loudest about this seem to ignore the multiple interviews where the Duffers said that they are not interested in being Game of Thrones and that they are more concerned about giving every character a happy ending. You may personally not like this choice, but it's not like they didn't warn you about their creative intentions (it's their show at the end of the day and they can write it however they want).

It's important to remember that it's an unfinished story, like a book divided in 5 chapters, with only the final one missing. Would you rate the book before waiting and reading the final chapter? Because I wouldn't. I'm sure once we get the final season we'll fully understand the choices made in previous seasons, and only then will it be the right time to give an honest opinion about the whole thing.

i agree with all of this. i remember some time in july i posted something talking about how right now i hate the monologue but i really really hope one day i love it. and thats kinda happened now. seeing it in a different lens makes me appreciate how much thought they put into everything and s5 will only increase that.

and i agree about eddie. i loved him and i cried and didnt want him to die but ive never thought that it was a mistake to kill him. and i wouldnt bring him back if i could. he served his purpose as a character. there are a lot of characters in different shows that i LOVE but i also love their death scene.

[sociallyawkwardjustice]

Man I’m always up for ace/aro head canons and it’s awesome when writers actually intentionally portray a character as ace/aro - BUT.

When a major film has an otherwise obvious hetero couple miraculously not hook up, this is always my first question:

Is it an interracial couple?

Because here’s the thing; head canons are one thing, racist bigoted studio intent is another…

A lot of the time platonic hetero relationships in media just ~happen~ to be interracial. I’m not saying those characters NOT hooking up is by default racist. I’m just saying, what’s the more likely intent by the actual creators/producer/studios?

Sometimes I see glib praise of this kind of characterization without the slightest consideration that maybe, just maybe, certain platonic hetero dynamics in fiction are racially motivated and should be judged as such, instead of welcomed warmly as supposed ace representation?

It’s just giving too much credit to an inherently, systemically problematic industry, y’know?

Pacific Rim was cute, but would the leads have not kissed if they were both white? A big international blockbuster NOT bringing the main characters together romantically does have precedent - providing of course that those characters are not the same race. Friggin’ Star Wars, literally Finn at first shows interest in Rey but who actually gets to have a nauseating semi-romance with her? Main white guy Kylo-Ren. Also female character of color Rose shows up with the apparent sole purpose of falling in love with Finn…

At least the Pelican Brief starring Julia Roberts and Denzel Washington was made in like, the 90’s! That movie infamously had obvious chemistry between the mains, but for ~~some reason~~ their relationship remained a bit ambiguous.

Again - I am 100% PRO platonic hetero bros and ace/aro representation in media! But I’m always skeptical when the supposed examples are almost ALL interracial dynamics in high profile blockbusters.

TLDR; let’s not call rather obvious racist dynamics positive representation for ace/aro/platonic relationships…

[goatilocks13]

Post from Roadrunner guru, Monte Connor, about Death Metal legends Obituary:

"I first heard the band as a tape trader in 1986 on their two-song demo under the name Xecutioner. Both songs, "Find The Arise" and "Live Like The Dead," were officially released on the 1987 compilation "Raging Death" on Godly Records, a label formed by my close friend and future Blabbermouth founder, Borivoj Krgin. Somewhere along the way, "Live Like The Dead" was, I assume, mistakenly shortened to "Like The Dead." Other bands featured on the now legendary compilation were R.A.V.A.G.E (later to become Atheist), Sadus (who I would later sign to Roadrunner), Lethal Prescence, and Betrayel. The cover art illustration was done by future Toxik drummer Tad Leger.

Borivoj, with his partner Marty Eger, started Godly solely with the purpose of releasing this compilation. There were never plans for it to be a real label, but when the band entered Morrisound Recording with producer/engineer Scott Burns in 1988 to record their 8-song debut album, they talked Borivoj into releasing it, and he even helped them finance it. But in the end, Borivoj was simply not interested in continuing the label and just wanted to find the best home for it. I was brand new to Roadrunner at the time, having started in December 1987, and since Borivoj and I spoke ten times a day, I knew what was going on and jumped at the chance to release it. Part of our deal with the band included reimbursing Borivoj for his time and investment in the project ($2,000 in total). I normally would not reveal such information, but a picture of the agreement is in Gehlke’s exhaustive tome.

Once Borivoj was out of the picture, I told the band they needed to change their name, as it read awkwardly, and there were already issues with other bands named Executioner, hence them jettisoning the "E" to begin with. As history tells us, they came up with a classic metal name for the ages. My other demand was that the band go back in to record four more songs to bring the mini-LP to full album length. Today, you know those four songs as "Suffocation," "Intoxicated," "Deadly Intentions," and "Blood Soaked." I grouped them all together on the album because it was quite easy to hear they came from a different session, and I thought this would make it less obvious. The guitars were not as wide-sounding and were panned more to the center. The four songs never sounded quite as ferocious to me sonically as the original eight. And the rest of history… "Slowly We Rot" went on to become one of the greatest death metal albums ever made and sounds just as incredible today as the day it was released.

Prior to the album’s release, I would literally sit every visitor to the Roadrunner office down in front of the stereo and blast "lnternal Bleeding" and take delight in watching their jaws hit the floor when John Tardy roared in. I then took further delight in shocking them as I explained that there were actually no lyrics other than an odd line or two or a random song title that could be heard. Yes, John was really just grunting and growling and using his voice as just another instrument. Some would call it "scatting," but that implies it is random and not thought out. Not only was it planned out, grunt by grunt, but John performed it live just like on the album. The bottom line is that no one sounds like John Tardy, then or now. And the way Scott captured him in the mix on this album, and focused on his voice, is just brilliant! He really made John the star of the show. I love all the reverb, delays and various effects he used. I don’t think any Obituary record has John sounding quite as terrifying, over-the-top, and magical as he does on "Slowly We Rot." And the guitars are absolutely slashing as well. Bear in mind that this was the first metal record Scott Burns ever produced, and it is this album that led me to hire him to produce Sepultura’s "Beneath The Remains," at which point his career exploded. Let me just interject here and say that Scott is the nicest and most humble being you could ever meet. He is pure gold, and he was such a huge part of my early career.

Now onto the artwork… The now famous image of a body slowly decomposing atop a sewer drain on some Brandon, Florida, side street, while rats nibble at its feet, was immortalized by artist Rob Mayworth. Prior to hooking up with the Tardy brothers, Mayworth had been creating tropical t-shirt designs related to the state of Florida. Since the cover was painted sometime in late 1988 and predates Roadrunner, it originally featured the Xecutioner logo, also designed by Mayworth in the same style as the final logo. When I had them change their name, Mayworth simply drew over the original logo and updated it to "Obituary." Where is the original painting today? No one knows. It is lost to the annals of time. As for the rest of my time with Obituary and the rest of the albums that followed, that will have to wait for a book that may or may not ever come.

Fun fact: Mayworth's original cover idea was a close-up of an electric guitar with a bony, skeleton-like hand holding it while wearing a silky glove. The Tardy brothers shot down that idea in favor of the iconic final concept."

[jcmarchi]

Lorelei and the Laser Eyes Review - Laser-Focused Epiphany - Game Informer

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/lorelei-and-the-laser-eyes-review-laser-focused-epiphany-game-informer/

Lorelei and the Laser Eyes Review - Laser-Focused Epiphany - Game Informer

Lorelei and the Laser Eyes’ setup is bland compared to the others in the puzzle genre. You are a bespectacled woman carrying a clutch who walks with incredible poise into a mansion with little understanding of why you are there or what you are doing. The lack of context doesn’t matter, though, because the game immediately showers you with an incredible sense of mood. You may not know why you are petting the dog in the courtyard, checking every door, or reading every scrap of paper you come across initially, but you want to be there and see everything the game has to offer. And if you’re like me, it morphs from a want to a need that keeps you up entirely too late, pointing your phone’s flashlight at a piece of scrap paper already overflowing with notes incomprehensible to any outside observer.

[embedded content]

To speak too much about the game’s story would betray its intent, but know that while initially, the plot seems amorphous, it is all leading to something, I promise. Disparate news articles, books about lunar cycles, typed monologues about the nature and purpose of art, and incomplete film scripts all paint emotion about what happened in this hotel/mansion, but its final moments surprised me at how sharply it pulled everything into focus. What begins as effective but seemingly abstract tone-setting poems all make sense in the final moments, and I was impressed by the satisfying slow burn of the narrative.

The game’s puzzles are the stars of the show, and Lorelei is overflowing with them. The ultimate goal is to explore the house and open every door, find every document, and unlock every lock. Sometimes, that involves reading to find a year that can be used to open a four-digit padlock. Sometimes, it involves entering a 32-bit horror video game and making it crash so you can take note of its error message documentation.

Like any good puzzle game, the conundrums are based on a core idea but expanded exponentially to lead you to solutions you never considered. In Lorelei’s case, it is primarily simple math. You will need a calculator (and one is provided in-game), but you won’t be doing much more than adding and subtracting and taking copious notes. The puzzles consistently made me feel smart without ever going off the deep end in a way I admired. I certainly got stuck – extremely stuck on a few occasions – but when I finally arrived at a solution, I never felt cheated by the puzzle itself.

Where I did occasionally feel cheated was when I would sometimes hit literal walls where I had parts one and three to a puzzle, but simply couldn’t find two. At least 3 hours of my approximately 20-hour playtime was spent aimlessly wandering the halls looking for anything that would help me take the next step, only to discover I had missed a prompt on a wall sconce that would open a secret passage. That moment felt less like I couldn’t decipher a secret lock as much as I never saw the lock in the first place. In those moments, I was frustrated with Lorelei and the Laser Eyes, but to its credit, I was so immediately enamored with the game that I knew I wanted to finish it from its opening moments.

I don’t know that you can consider yourself a successful puzzle game if you don’t hit at least some confusing barriers that feel impassable. Finally overcoming those hurdles is what makes the genre so compelling, and Lorelei and the Laser Eyes finds that successful balance of making you feel smart more often than it makes you feel dumb. Couple that with a mystery worth unraveling, fourth-wall-breaking commentary, and unexpected reality-bending moments sending you to bizarre places, and you are left with a fantastic puzzle game that I already wish I could play again for the first time.

[shibuyashotos]

Energetic VGM

When it comes to video games, a soundtrack certainly helps to capture the intentions that developers have with the games they are creating. Whether it's to illustrate the feeling of a certain character or to play into the overall tone of the game or scenarios within the game.

For Example: "Speed Star," Shun Akiyama's battle theme in Yakuza 4, does a rather perfect job of conveying the coolheaded, smart mouthed personality of the CEO of Sky Finance and Kamurocho's Lifeline.

So in regards to this post, I invite you to read through and listen to some songs I think best conveys an "Energetic" Feeling. Now bear in mind that not all songs are going to be "high octane" as much as they might be more "lively" or "enthusiastic" or even conveying a sense of being determined. For convenience purposes, I am putting a break here.

Teknopathetic (e-Pop 'n Disco 80s Mix) - Ollie King

Of the many soundtracks that Funky Uncle Hideki Naganuma has worked on in his career, many people certainly know him for his work on Jet Set Radio, Jet Set Radio Future and Sonic Rush. However, Naganuma has also worked on the Sega produced skateboarding arcade game Ollie King. Connecting JSR and Ollie King is that Naganuma has remixed some tracks from the former, such as the one I have chosen here. Teknopathetic was already a high energy techno track in Jet Set Radio Future, so the remix takes that energy into a more funky direction for the comparatively grounded Ollie King.

Moving on.

Challengers - Dragon Ball Z Budokai

For a man who was proven to have plagiarized a LOT of music in his career, former Dragon Ball Composer Kenji Yamamoto has some rather fantastic taste in music to steal from. Now, Challengers in particular is probably one of the more iconic songs from the DBZ video games, the song that I guarantee almost everyone thinks of when they think about Budokai. It's high octane, it absolutely fits as fighting game music and undoubtedly captures what it felt like to watch Goku and Frieza have their legendary battle on Planet Namek, aaaand it's also literally just note for note Hunting High and Low by Stratovarius. When Bandai Namco published the Budokai HD Collection in 2012, the soundtracks for Budokai 1 and Budokai 3 were completely replaced and their new soundtracks came frankensteined from Budokai Tenkaichi 2, BT3, BT Tag Team and Ultimate Tenkaichi. Additional note: I absolutely do not tolerate plagiarism of any kind. So while I find Yamamoto to have fantastic taste in music, I hold no respect for him personally.

Now Onward, to the next one. The final one for this post.

The Palace That Was Found - Sonic and the Secret Rings

Now admittedly, there are a LOT of sonic songs that could easily be here as well. Far too many for me to list. Now I'm going with the theme of Evil Foundry from Sonic and the Secret Rings because I think it's a rather fitting song for the topic. It's quite a bold song that mixes the motifs of the 1001 arabian nights with the headstrong heroics of Sonic the Hedgehog.

Side Note: Many also know this song as the intro song for youtuber Cobanermani456. I for one think that if anyone was gonna rock a place, it was certainly him. Great Guy, wish him the best in the world.

So those were just some songs I thought were pretty energetic. If you've made it this far and want to share some VGM you think is energetic, I wholly encourage it.

[starshipsofstarlord]

Starry Eyed

Natasha Romanoff x reader / masterlist

summary; during a meeting, natasha receives rather provocative photos of you, and though she is appreciative of the beauty that renders from the images, it was not the time nor the place for them to be sent / warnings; smut, degradation, mummy kink, use of sex toy, swearing, Dom!nat, oral on sex toy, oral sex (fem receiving) bratty!reader.

She, the infamous black widow prowled out of the meeting room, an intent stern in her emerald pools, as the trained assassin herself headed straight towards her quarters, where she knew her malishka would be, presumably occupying their shared bed with splayed and flamboyant legs that were spread so that whomever entered the domain would see everything on first hand display.

That thought only infuriated the redhead more, and so, with little effort, she thrust the bedroom door open, quickly slamming it behind herself, as she was met with the sight of you, phone in hand as you sat cross legged and completely nude upon the crisp black sheets. The woman licked her lips as she prowled closer, snatching the device out from your untrustworthy hands, and flinging it upon the floor, causing a furrow to erupt on your facial features.

“I was just trying to entertain you, Natasha.” That name earned yourself a quirked brow, and you gulped at the silent yet demanding expression that taunted you, forcing you instinctively to feel small and meek beneath it.

“What was that, whore?” The title made you whimper, as you pressed your thighs together as a means to relieve some tension that was brewing between their partition. A shaky breath withered from your mouth, as it made your bare chest rise, and you didn’t miss the way that Nat’s predatory eyes roamed your body.

“I meant mummy.” It came out as nothing short of a whisper, as you felt the woman loom over you, her dominating shadow reaching out to deliver a sharp and vivid slap to your cheek, spurring a stinging to erupt beneath the skin. “Sorry mummy.”

“Now that is how you should be acting little one, not teasing me like a slut. You realise anyone could have seen your little ‘innocent’ photo shoot, right? I mean Steve was sat right beside me, one glance over and he’d have turned back into a stiff and frozen man, that wouldn’t at all mind being stuck in an erect moment of time because he’d have seen that sweet cunt of mine that resides between those easily spreadable thighs of yours.”

“How can I make it up to you mummy?” The question rang heavy as it slipped off your tongue, your eyes pleadingly gazing up at her. If she weren’t mistaken, she’d think there were stars in your eyes, as they orbited around her, as though she were a planet, the central force and habitat for all life. But with that said, and defined, that wasn’t too far off. She was the hand that spun your universe, reeling it around as your eyes always pictured her, in the galactic realm of your mind, in this room, her red hair splayed around her as she succumbed to some kind of pleasure.

The spectrum of pleasure however was a vast array of different areas when the bedroom was involved. She got off on all sorts; degrading you until there were tears streaming out of your eyes and flowing past your water lines, hearing you beg to be touched. Natasha Romanoff was a wild card, and with her, you never knew what to expect. Though, that was part of the thrill of your relationship and the sexual aspect of it, there was excitement, and a suspense that had you always on edge (sometimes literally), for more.

“I don’t think you can blossom, guess you’re just gonna have to sit there, all patient, if that’s even possible, and watch as mummy gets herself off without your help, denying you of any recollection or release. You’ve been very bad, and I think you deserve to go cold turkey, and see that I don’t need you, you’re nothing more than an accessory to my pleasure.” A dark glare sparked upon her face as she ignorantly walked past you, reaching into the bedside drawer to pull out an object.

It served the same purpose as you apparently did, it was an aid to release, not a necessity. The firm black dildo was gripped in her hand as she walked to stand before you, cocking her deviant head to the side as she smirked down at you. She shifted the weight of the toy in her hand, as she held it out in front of you, the tip probing at your pouting bottom lip, the way the skin squashed under the pressure she applied seemingly amusing to her.

“Usually you have trouble keeping that mouth of yours closed, and now what, you don’t want to open it for mummy?” Her strict taunt had you obliging with her indirect command, widening the stance of your lips as she slipped the plastic subject of the empowered and one sided conversation into you mouth, shallowly thrusting the length into your mouth until it gently hit the back of your throat, causing you to gag. Natasha then removed it, surveying the moisture that coated the outside of the toy.

“That’ll do, what do you say malishka for me giving you any kind of attention?” You bowed your head, letting out a surrender of a huff as you gazed up at her with obedient and sparkling eyes that held a restraint within their spheres to contain a bratty eye roll.

“Thank you mummy.” The phrase slithered off your lips as you watched, watched, her strut to opposite the bed, the toy in her palm, your oral suffice trailing carelessly upon her skin. She rolled her desk chair open, seating her fine ass upon the furniture, as she fiddled one handedly with her belt, unknotting it, as she shuffled the material of her tight jeans down her legs, kicking them off from her ankles as her bejewelled irises remained latched upon you.

It would be a crime, a punishable one if you were to avert your eyes, and so you maintained eye contact with her undressing body, squirming as she padded her magical, searing fingertips upon the layer of her underwear, before pulling the flimsy material to the side, exposing her superior cunt. She tugged with her pointer finger upon the lips, showing you the rosy colour of her intimate parts that were hidden beneath the flaps; you licked your lips, wanting nothing more than to touch her.

She was cruel, for leaving you starved from any contact, circling her addictive clit as her feline pupils bore into you, as she moved the average sized toy forwards, running the length of it up and down her slit, before plunging it through her entrance, her walls latching onto the lightly ribbed exterior of the item. Her head fell back, as she pushed her clothed chest out, her hips rutting against the movements that she herself orchestrated.

Through her straining lids however, her eyes remained pursed on you, as though you were the one gaining pleasure from her fulfilling actions. You weren’t; that fact was clear enough as an emotional lurching in your chest tried to convince you to disobey the rules, and crawl to her, performing a better release than any toy could conceive. All you had earned considering the circumstances though, was wetness wandering down your thighs, as your clit pulsed to be touched.

“Mummy.” It was a small, almost inaudible plea, but the Black Widow heard, and she silently nodded her head, giving you an allowance of permission to situate yourself closer, and instantly you scrambled to the floor, floundering off the bed, dragging your palms and the bones of your knees upon the carpet, until you had a close up of the dildo being driven in and out of her pussy. A pout remarked upon your lips, all you wanted was a sweet taste of her nurturing essence, but you refrained from whisking your head forwards and taking what you wanted, no matter how loud that devil on your shoulder spoke. “So pretty.”

“Ya think?” There was smugness in her tone, poisoning it with her own twist as her dewy chin, bent up, a small moan courting out of the column of her throat as her spare hand reached down and fiddled with her priceless pearl, rotating small spirals around it, to bring her closer to her edge. To reply, you eagerly nodded, taking full advantage of your position as you watched her pussy clamp murderously down on the dildo, as deep hums evaded from within her.

You could see how the muscles of her thighs tightened, an extended sound emitting from her as she reached her beautiful peak, gifting herself a couple more thrust of the toy before pulling it out, and revealing how soaked it was. She held it out to you, and instantly, you knew what you had to do, it was practically like deja vu, the only difference was you knew that you had already done this, it wasn’t a familiar feeling prying at the edges of your mind, cursing you with confusion and derelict. No, you had lubed the length up for her to use, and now you were to be the wipe that cleansed it too.

This was the part you were more eager for though; to taste her. “Get on with it.” She roughly carded her talented fingers through your hair, delivering a spiteful tug to your scalp, as she hoisted your face closer to the tool, and intently stared as you opened your mouth, allowing it passage way through the obscene cavern. You gulped any remnants of her cum down, swirling your tongue around the ribbing, delightfully moaning at the feeling of her flavour running down your throat. Just as you were about to take it further down your throat, Natasha pulled you off the plastic with a pop. “That’s not the only thing that needs cleaning up little one.”

The explicit message was perfectly delivered, as your attention quickly grazed away from the dildo to her pussy, that clenched instinctively from your hungry glare. Diving in tongue first was no hassle, this had been what you were waiting for, and finally, finally, you had received the luxury to taste her nectar from the source. Your tongue run up the insides of her parted thighs, cleaning any spillage instantly up, tracing up to her lips, that you sucked into your mouth, replacing her cum with your saliva, not that she at all minded.

“I think you need to be a bit more thorough y/n.” She was serious, she had used your name, and thus, instead of teasing her folds with the tip off your tongue, you smushed your face as close as humanly possible, swiping against her clit many a time, switching to prodding at her entrance, sinking the part of you inside of her, as you grasped the beneath of her killer legs to give yourself more leverage. This was a miracle,it was practically a God’s feast laid out before you, already previously roused from cooking itself under a blithering sun. But now, it was enduring a pink flame, that you roasted her with, humming as your tongue lapped half obsessively at her insides.

“Fuck!” The red head hollered, tangling both hands into your locks, shoving you closer and smearing the most intimate part of herself along your chin. As she continued to pry at your hair, you moaned into her, sending an echo to rivet through her whole skeleton, making the assassin spill her arsenal into your mouth, as you accepted its token, and drank it down, shaking your head lightly as Nat loosened her grip on your head, slumping back into the chair, slightly rolling backwards, though you trailed after, keeping your face buried between her thighs.

She had to pull you off, and whence she did so, she swore there were stars glittering like sequins in your pretty eyes, dancing along the rims of the windows into your soul, like two ghosts, forever mingling their bodies against each other, in order to spend eternity as one. “Did I do a good job mummy?” You knew you had, her skin was pink and peachy, and she released a heavy and withheld sigh, as she traced your jaw, pulling you up for a kiss. As she tasted herself in the corners of your mouth, she smiled lightly, enjoying the taste half as much as you.

“Yes baby, but it doesn’t make up for your little stunt. I’m going to be taking some pictures of your body on my own, and if you ever, and I mean ever, try and distract me from important business again, I swear to you that I will make a whole PowerPoint of them for my team to sit through, and whenever you pass Clint or Tony or anyone else in the halls, you will known that they’ve seen far more than those starry eyes of yours.”

It wasn’t an empty threat, it was a focalised promise. She would definitely expose you if you were to distract her again during any important meeting or debriefings, but a part of you was not entirely opposed to that... She would get jealous if she heard anyone else talk about your body, and her own emotions would be induced by her own vowed actions, and you would receive a brunt of a force to stabilise her frustrations. Now the consequences of the consequences didn’t sound so bad...

[lovee-infected]

Hello!! Can I request headcanons about gn mc who got sick (with fever or something to the point they can't go to school) and the twst boys decided to visit and take care of them? I've always enjoyed your headcanon! Thank you!!

Riddle Rosehearts

He's got much of a weak immune system himself so he's usually prepared for unexpected situations like this. He knows what to do.

Just lay back against your pillow, do exactly as he says and you'll return to full health in no time

He'd probably be really angry if he finds you out of bed without his permission or spending too much time over your phone and reading books; he insists on you resting and much as possible.

He agrees on being possibly a -bit- over protective but he doesn't mind. If this will do any good at your healing process then he's more than okay with it.

Whenever you tell him to stop over stressing himself because of you he just goes: " Me ? Over stressing? Of course not! If you wish me to be calmer than I already am, then stop playing around and rest well till you get better."

He truly does work his hardest for you while you need him, from takings notes of what has been teached during your absence to spending at least 2 hours a day with you, making sure that nothing goes wrong.

As the strict leader of Heartslabyul, he usually spends most of the day watching over students and checking whether they are doing good at school and exams or not, but for now he cuts back on these responsibilities to take care of you. He may not shout that out loudly, but he always puts you before any other responsibilities he might have. Perhaps he enjoys spending time with you just as much as he enjoys having fresh strawberry tarts.

Trey Clover

You were still trying to catch up with the classes but Trey just knew that it'd be too much. It was him who made you forget about the school and instead, rest in your room.

You are a bit stressed out about not being able to take care of your chores, but thankfully he is there for you. He isn't known as heartslabyul's mother for no reason, make sure that he knows how to caress and pamper you better than anyone else.

Aside checking on you every day and bringing you additional medicines and food, he makes sure to collect notes of everything that is teached during your apsence so you won't have problems catching up with the studies afterwards . No need to mention that his cooking on the other hand is stunning, 5 star chef Trey at your service.

He understands that it might be a bit boring laying down in bed without anyone to talk to, so he often comes to you as you need someone to talk to and also brings you your favorite books to read so you won't get any bored when he can't be there.

He never says a word to make you feel any bad or frustrating about being nursed by him, instead he knows how to motivate you to get better even sooner: " Nursing you is absolutely adorable, but I don't want my dear (y/n) stuck in a bed all day while I'm willing to show you way more exciting things than a just couple of books,"

Cater Diamond

Clones, clones and clones :Time to get to work! The best part with it is that he can always make sure to have at least one of his clones watching over you even if he's busy with school or stuff, not that he lets you know what he's doing though.

You wonder why Cater's staying with you 24/7, as a third year student, isn't he supposed to be like, really busy with studying? Cater assures you that there's nothing to worry about, and it seriously isn't. He can always catch up with everything even his actual self stays all night at yours.

While his use of clones might seem a bit tricky, he still makes sure to provide you with anything you as long as you're sick need and even more: Bringing you roses and chibi, stuffed animals as gifts, along with sweet chill chats whenever you're awake, sending you soft love quotes with a bunches of colorful hearts and kisses via text even as he's right beside you, He enjoys how you'll need to look up your messages to see what he texts you allthough he's sitting just a few meters away from you. Aw, the way you blush whenever youlok at your phone, how cute~

Ace Trappola

What's the purpose of going to school when he does not understand a single word of it while his mind is all stuck on you? What are doing now? Are you fine? Does your chest Still hurt? Has your pain gotten any worse? Is there someone with you right now? What if you need help??

He's about to lose his mind, he tries asking someone free to check on you but there doesn't seem to be such a person available at the moment. 'That's it , I'll go on my own'

With the help of the year gang ( Jack, Deuce and Epel) he fakes breaking his leg during a PE session and yeets off the school for an entire week. YES!

He is moving to your place for a couple of days and Deuce will cover up for him whenever someone asks where Ace is.

Ace just knows that you're sick, he isn't sure of the exact name or type of your illness. On his way to yours, he fills a bag with anything he finds at Heartslabyul's cabinets with any title as -medicine- for you. He'll later look for the right one you need between them.

When you get to look into what he has brought, you aren't sure if he's kidding or not and when you ask, Ace realizes that he's really goofed up: what he actually brought was nothing else than animal medicines, and he he literally brought you each and every of them existing in Heartslabyul; how come didn't he see the pets/only label-??

You're lucky that you already have your medicines prepared, so you tell him not to worry about it. He feels so damn embarrassed wanting to melt into earth right now, but you have to admit he really lifted up your mood. You're happy to have your cute, Crabby-haired idiot besides you while you're sick, and he tries his best to help you with cooking and making sure of you taking your right medicines on time to make up for the mess he made on his first day:" Ehehe...at least...you can use some of them when Grim gets sick, right ?"

Deuce Spade

He really wants to stay there taking care of you but... he has to go to school as well. He has to get much higher grades this semester if he doesn't want to have to spend another year as a first year.

He can't skip any of classes, but promises to spend the rest of his day after school.

He rushes with his school uniform still on to your place, not wanting to be even a second late . He has to carry some casual clothes along with his books since he wants to stay over nights if you need him.

Due to get getting in trouble a lot back at the time, he's rather educated in medical field so he knows much and less of what he'll need to do as you're sick?

His cooking isn't something he can rely on so he goes to Trey, telling that he needs some soup for Ace since he seems to be looking a bit sick lately?

He prepares your food, brings you warm towels, repeatedly checks your body temperature and when you're finally asleep, gets to his own studies. He ends up Having fewer than 3 hours of night sleep multiplr times and once, he didn't get any sleep at all.

He tries his hardest to look his best in front of you so you won't notice how terrible he actually is; when you question the bags under his eyes, he claims them to be left from the mascara which a couple of guys put on him a few days ago for fun and consistently laughs. Damn, this boy doesn't even know how to lie huh? He is literally dying, but he won't tell you a word. He can handle worse...

When you finally return to full health you realize how terrible he's been doing lately and you take rule of his nurse this time. Making sure that your cinnamon roll would finally get some sleep.

Leona Kingscholar

"My room, now". You look way too terrible to be able to make it to the classes therefore he has to make sure that you won't do anything stupid while you need to be taking some rest.

Bringing you to his own room wasn't his main intention since he just wanted to keep an eye on you but couldn't afford to visit you everyday if you didn't live any close to him so, easiest solution to the problem would be you staying with him.

He lets you use his bed but keeps on reminding you that it's just because you're sick so you better not be expecting such things to ever happen again. He would fall asleep in less than a minute at whatever he lays his head on, so sleeping on the ground isn't as hard as it seems. He just had to make sure that you would't step on him or his tail when you walk out of the bed.

He can ask Ruggie to nurse you and all, but decides to do most of your stuff on his own because it'd be a lot worse if Ruggie too gets sick. Sharing the same room with you has already put him on a pretty high infection risk so, that wouldn't really matter if he's the one nursing you or not. He doesn't really mind getting sick either, a free chance to take some days off school and chill; why not ?

He turns out to be pretty good with board games and there's no need to worry about getting bored while you can go for 100+ chess matches with Leona winning you each and every time; a bit ironic, but entertraining nonetheless.

He's actually really enjoying spending time with you, but isn't really expressing it. The only time when he actually shows some direct affection is when he plants secret kisses on your forehead as you're asleep.

Ruggie Bucchi

He has grown up in an awfully poor family with multiple siblings, so he's pretty familiar to the pain of seeing those you hold dear sick .He has turned into a not only responsible but also supportive boy toward friends and family, so you can make sure that he can take the best care of you while you're sick.

Perhaps his only problem is...Leona. He'd need Ruggie around even during school time and the hyena boy can't even have a full 30 minutes away from him which makes it impossible for Ruggie to take his time checking on you at least once a day.

Well, he has to find a way to babysit both of you at the same time so, -Let's take you to his own room-

Great ! He no longer needs to worry now that he can take care of you both. Leona too agrees on you staying at his as long as you don't cause any trouble.

Poor Ruggie has to sleep on the floor but assure you that he rarely gets to be the one sleeping on bed back in the home so, he is kinda used to sleeping on the cold ground.

He knows how to cook? Much and and less of it but who cares? He just asks you what you want and returns with it in 30 minutes; guess why: Because he'd just borrow the food from someone else. He doesn't mind his dirty ways indeed, you're sick so, you're more important than some dude wanting to chill on his food during lunchtime.

He just takes a list of medicines you may need and returns with all of them in his bag. He has to come at the right time on his own every time you have to take any of them since you'd most likely either fall asleep or forget to take them on time.

Enjoy your time with him, because it's gonna be a real luxury. He'd treat you nothing less than the way he treats Leona as he's sick so, you may consider yourself a part of a royal family at his service.

Jack Howl

Fluffy tsundere wolf is ready to give up on all he's got for you, what on earth might be sweeter than this ?

The moment, no, the second he realizes that you're not feeling well, Jack would immediately take you to the nurse office to see if you're. It's such a relief that it isn't thst serious, all you need to do is to take some rest.

Meanwhile you're resting in bed, he'll do the shopping and asks the kitchen for some soup ( You're sick you can't have too salty or sweet foods like normal cafeteria meals ) He gives up on his own meal to get some for you instead, it's just hunger of course he can handle it.

He feeds you and makes sure that you'll finish your entire meal, reminds you to take your medicines on time, brings you your favorite books to read and, most importantly, listens to... anything you'd ask him for.

He hardly ever lets anyone touch his ears or tail but if it's you, why not? You even fall asleep hugging his tail like a doll and he just patiently waits for you to wake up, blushing as he appreciates how cute you look while asleep.

Damn he has to keep the distance otherwise he as well would end up being sick but, it just seems impossible to say no when you ask for cuddles.

Jack tells you stories of his home town and national legends making your mouth drop in fascination. His stories seem to amaze him just as they amaze you and it makes him unbelievably happy to see you liking things he's been appreciating all over his life.

He even gets to the point of talking about his will to become all mighty and strong just like the magicians he looks up to, especially Leona. Just watching his strength gives you the will to overcome your illness and be at least a bit like Jack; he's really great, isn't he?

Azul Ashengrotto

No no no- Unacceptable! You shouldn't be sick, you shouldn't -get- sick- He told you to watch what you eat and what you wear as it's raining out there - HE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES- But now what? You are sick.

Azul panicks, he keeps on exaggerating the whole thing even if it's just a normal cold. He just isn't the type to easily deal with sicknesses. Whenever he catches a cold, it'll take him weeks to return to full health due to how weak his body is and, he's so worried about you being the same.

Soup, warm water bath, Medicines , magic potions to reduce the fever, ultimate revival spells... he showers you in all of them. Even if the virus won't kill you Azul's overprotection will most likely do, and he'll get really mad if you tell him that he's exaggerating it.

When you regain half of your full health, you ask him to let you return to school and- He immediately pits you back in bed: "No leavings, not until you're done with this troublesome fever or whatever."

You feel like an adult forced to stay in a cradle and wear diapers meanwhile Azul thinks that you're too naive to take your health seriously.

When you finally manage to pull him over, you realize how sick and pale he's gotten since you got sick. The bags under his eyes proved that he hasn't been getting much of sleep recently. "God what have you done to yourself-"

You finally tell him that he's the one who needs help , not you. You plant a kiss on his cheek and force his head to your lap, wanting him to get some sleep. He slowly understands that he might've been taking it a bit too seriously, but since you are fine now, he's kinda glad that he took it hard on you. He just wants you to be safe and sound; even if his it's going to cost his own health on the first placd.

Jade Leech

Humans get sick? It's pretty rare of aquatic creatures, especially eels to get sick so Jade's pretty new to this . 'wow , pathetic , aren't humans?' he thinks . Well anyway he can't just stand back and make fun humans while you seem to be in serious pain, but what can he do? He still has a lot to learn about human life and it's his first time having one of them sick, oh man.

Well, they tell that you should get some...rest ? Well maybe he should take you to bed. First step done , let's go for the rest. He blocks several of his classmates in the corners asking for... information. He simply takes notes . Possibly useful medicines and meals, hours of sleeping, allowed activities, useful tips, warnings, etc.

He has to read the list several times to make sure that he's got it all right. Let's nurse (y/n).

He unexpectedly goes from 0 to 100 like bam- bye eel boy hello nurse Leech. He'll turn your room into a hospital room, a good one though, filled with dolls and flowers and anything he was told to add because they send away positive vibes.

His cooking on the other hand is amazing. He'll look for several light meals for sick bodies but- chooses those which match your tastes . You can't help but to love everything he cooks . Chef's kiss.

He changes your bed pillow and cloths everyday, returning with washed, silky pillows and covers . A warm, smooth bed is what you need for a good sleep.

If there was such a status he would've been the god of nursing; wow you would've needed pay him off a lot for his service if he wasn't giving it all to his darling for free.

When you finally regain your health, he just has one more question left to ask before leading you to your daily classes: "Now now dear, would you mind rating me , and my nursing service?"

seem like he's really curious to see whether he's done it correctly or not.

Floyd Leech

Things seem so uncool when you're not as energetic as always , pale skin as if you're choking on lack of oxygen and bizarreness in your movements like a doll, smh, so boring.

Just like Jade, he's pretty new to surface life and watching you bear with illness looks pretty weird in his eyes?

When Jade, finally, informs him on what exactly happens to human body while struggling with an illness and what he must do to you to get rid of this annoying mode, he understands. Floyd still finds human's body shitty for how weak it is but decides to use Jade's words as a guide to deal with you.

A warm bed, fluffy pillows and stuffed animals, these seemed to be enough for step one: Enough of rest and sleep. He can't blame you on this one though, sleeping is always amazing. Something that never gets boring. Everything seems to be pretty fine to begin with, sadly it won't last any longer than a few hours-

He's told to bring you food, but when he returns with 4 bags filled with chocolate, candy, soda and chips; it's obvious that he didn't get the point correctly. Jade explains that your body is still way to weak for too salty or sweet foods, even highly cooked meals would worsen your immune system and make it take much longer to be healed.

Floyd goes for a second pick up and this time: this time returns with raw potatoes and frozen meat- Raw potatoes and frozen meat-. Well, he just followed everything Jade told him...? Neither too salty nor to sweet, and raw because Jade told him not to bring over-cooked stuff. Even if the virus did you no harm you would've probably died under his food selections if Jade wasn't there to stop him...

While his food choices might be horrible, Floyd's still one of the best mutuals you can have close when you aren't feeling well. With him beside you, giggling and chuckling as he rambles on how boring his day was, you've got to admit that you'd rarely feel sick when he's around. Although you're sick at the moment, nothing seems to have changed between the two of you, he enjoys spending time with you now just as much as he enjoys it when you're all safe and sound.

Well...maybe he can't be the best nurse you'd get to have , but one thing's for sure: No one can ever make you laugh like he does and, you know what say: Laughter is the best medicine~

Kalim al asim

He can't be any more worried, he stresses out whenver a friend is sick and now, it's not just a friend, it's -you-, one of the dearest and closest ones Kalim had ever had; just how can he keep calm ???

He is being raised under severe health protection and hardly ever catches even a simple cold, several people had taught him strict health routines and he had to follow them all over his life, so he is considerably familiar with ways of overcoming and illness , and that's what he's here for!

Jamil forbids him from cooking since it's too dangerous if he needs to use any knifes, but that wouldn't hold him back from finding enormous food recipes based on your favorite condiments to make your meal more pleasant.

He makes sure to prepare anything you need in a matter of seconds, golden peacock or 5000 camels, doesn't matter ! He's got way more than enough and what use would be better than giving them to you?

He can take care of you on his own, but Jamil insists on Kalim leaving it all to him and stay away from you as much as possible (No need to mention the high risk of infection for Kalim since he's almost sticking to you all the time)

Jamil as well would caress you meanwhile you rest at Scarabia (Right, Kalim proudly brought you there ) and Kalim, makes sure to stay close to you as much as he can, mostly when Jamil isn't around to tell him off- He doesn't want to put Jamil in more trouble but, you are his first priority.

You're bound to your bed, but just having Kalim around brings way more fascinating adventures than what you might get to see out there. His stories really do show you to a whole new world and takes the pain in your lungs and chest way further that your mind could catch . Perhaps Kalim is he one and only who can make your mind fly, even as your body's laying lifelessly in bed.

Jamil Viper

For the first time, someone stressed him out more than Kalim always does. He's always expecting to be scared to death because of him, but because of you? Damn he didn't see this coming.

Depending on what your illness is, he manages to freak out even more or clam himself down to his sane self, but the main point is how he's got to serve you all the best until you're totally safe.

He soon prepares any kind of medicine and chemical you may need and you have to use them all properly, don't even think of rejecting any single one of them otherwise Jamil would force feed you: "Don't be such a baby, you won't get any better unless you have these"

Just like Azul, he might be a bit overprotective with your health since he doesn't even let you leave the bed for more than a few minutes. He insists on you avoiding any sort of activities that may be tiring or heavy to your body.

To be honest, the thought of using his snake whisper on you when you don't behave or ask him to stop being so strict over a simple illness crosses his mind. Luckily, he refuses to use it. You're still his lover that'd be too heartless of him to take advantage of you like this just because you can't see how much he loves you.

He needs to keep the distance, but has to admit that it can be really hard to avoid hugging and kissing all over your face when you're gazing at him with that sweet smile.

Having you close makes Jamil realize how affectionate he actually is: How much he misses the healthy and happy you who he was never in a danger. Well maybe this nursing days gives him a lesson to at least try to have some sweeter time with you while you are all safe and sound - and not tiredly laying in your bed.

Vil Schoenheit

You can consider yourself nothing less than a Prince/ Princess when Vil of all people is caressing you. Your body is still way too weak to have control of anything going on in your life at the moment, and that's how Vil takes control over all of them- all in your life. Which means that you now have to live and do as he wishes.

He will take no effort in turning you into one of the fairest of all students in school (Not that you'll ever reach him though) as long as he can have his eyes over you. His rules are way more than just -beauty- ; just as he can be the all fair and powerful Queen who steps on you, he knows how to play the role of the nurse like a Queen would do~

A royal maiden is only to serve the royal family, so it's time to show how much of a princess /prince you can be in bed. You don't need to worry about your medicines or meals since Vil's always organized and on time with them, not to mention that his cooking too seems to be pretty good. He uses light yet, nutritious recipes that you'd enjoy and you're really surprised because these kinds food don't really look tasty.

Perhaps he just needed an excuse all this time to get this close to you, so he can take care of anything he's been dreaming to do with you all this time. Pedicure and manicure, trying on new fruit masks, resting face and body muscles to have a smoother, cleaner skin, etc.

Your room is a beauty salon at this point and you usually forget that you're actually sick.

He works on not only your physical beauty but also your manners, he doesn't care if you're sick or not . It's the best time to take away your poor manners and habits.

Well the scary Queen has got his own soft spots too; while indirectly giving you beauty lessons, he enjoys teasing you as you sometimes look pretty naive and new to all dos and don'ts of a high-level life like his, and he's more than pleased to teach you: "Pull yourself together , potato."

Rook Hunt

He isn't really into the whole nursing game but- If it's an opportunity to stalk caress and admire you all night, why not?

He is lowkey familiar with the basics so, it isn't supposed to be that difficult to handle . Finding pills and medicines isn't hard either since they can all be found at mister S's shop. ( He would've liked it better if he had to get them from a moster or something, anything more adventurous)

Though he doesn't really like quiet and safe journeys he'd actually appreciate it if it's with you. And of course, he won't let anyone else take advantage. Let it just be with the two of you and all~

He isn't about to hurt or scare you in any sort way; it's true that he just loves it when things get a bit dangerous but, he knows how to manage excitement as well. You want him to be a soft gentleman? Then that's what he's going to be.

Rook would be the softest Rook you could've ever imagined when he plays the nurse. It can't even be called nursing: It's about a passionate lover spending all his time with his darling who isn't feeling well. Even his expressions are taken to a totally different level, the mysterious smile he always puts on is replaced with a worried and, mildly sad gaze that makes your heart melt.

Might sound too dramatic bug he may even sing you to sleep. Sweetest words ever dancing to the rhythm of his unique accent that make your cheeks hurt at trying not to blush. This isn't the only drama he's up to though, even his normal speaking often ends up with your mind drowning in feelings. He won't bother giving you soft kisses on hand and forehead when you don't expect it. He likes surprising you, even if it's in a romantic way.

And...the real Rook, is only out when you're asleep. Sitting on a chair just a few inches away from your bed, a pair of eyes carefully follow the pace of your chest as it rises and falls. He's never tired, a huntsman gets no sleep as long as his prey's close by. Wow, if sweetness is all he needed to approach you, then he should give it a try more often~

Epel Felmier

His first reaction to hearing of you being sick is summarised in :Gasping, Blushing, Questioning, Sad puppy eyes. "It's just a simple fever...right? (Y/n) will soon be better..." , Epel confronts himself. He isn't getting overly emotional, but when it comes to you, he does have a sensitive spot.

At first, it is his anxiety over your health that makes him want to come over to your house to check up on you everyday but , it soon ends up being more serious. What if this is an opportunity to prove his reliability? You'd finally get to see how much of a strong and helpful man he can be. Even as he looks soft.

While Epel's trying his hardesr to seem a tough as possible, you can't help but to adore his cuteness as he is doing his best while you're sick. He bakes you the best of apple pies you've ever had and you have to admit; being sick can't hold you back from enjoying the sweet taste of fresh, caramelized baked apples melting in your mouth.

Growing up to be a country boy, he never really relied on chemicals as a useful cure to any illnesses. He's more into organic ways of helping human body into regaining its lost energy, which can be put as : 1) Healthy food 2) Enough of sleep and rest 3) Lifted up spirits and enough of humor. He'd be really protective over the last option, he wants to make sure that your self-esteem and spirits would be way better than ever

He has to keep the distance, but some small cuddles would not hurt, right? Perhaps some small forehead kisses before bedtime too. He's still pretty uncomfortable with kisses but, since you're sick...that can be counted as an exception.

Idia Shroud

He's been away from humanity for too long; long enough to almost forget that humans get sick. Robots sometimes have their codings crashed or their gears damaged, that's when they'll need an engineer to repair them . How did the cure system work with humans?? He can't really remember. Due to spending time with almost nobody except Ortho (who happens to be a robot) and hardly ever leaving his room and as the result, barely getting sick, Idia is pretty new to human body's metabolism; he isn't sure of what he might be able to do for you. But, humans have something called...immune system, right? Ah something that heals body on its own. Well maybe relying on that would be enough.

He decides to give you some far distance support instead of comimg all way down to your dorm . He can't be any more happier of technology's existence for such cases. Your immune system can heal you on its own, all he've got to do is to send some motivation your way. The summary of most of his extremely motivational texts would be : "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger! Keep it up (y/n)!!👊✨💥" and when you reply telling him how terrible you're feeling he'd just try to look for strongers sentences-

He repeatedly mistakes humans and robots and accidently texts you:" why don't you get someone to repair you?" several times. Then goes to bang his head against the wall realizing how dumb he's acting.

When you get worse he gives up. Maybe those sentences wasn't enough of motivation . Idia really does want to come visit you in person but he seems to be bound to his area. Well at least, Ortho isn't, right? He comes up with a way better idea to program Ortho to take care of you while Idia can't do it himself. He copied hundreds of anatomy, human biology and medicine to Ortho's data list. Well that seems to be enough. He can now cook, wash clothes, brings you your medicines and most importantly, remain by your side all the time as you may need help. Idia puts s small camera on Ortho so he'd be able to watch what's going on as long as you need Ortho's his help. He feels quite guilty for not showing up on his own but- maybe it's just better this way. Coming in person would do no good but him freaking out at not knowing what to do which would end up in making you feel worse. Long distance watch as he controls Ortho around is way better, even if he has to keep his eyes on tablet 24/7. He cuts back on his sleeping to make sure that nothing would go wrong. Even long distance watch seems to be stressful at this point...

He does care about you, a lot, but right now, he's no prepared to show physical affection. Let him show his love through his very own ways, he's just taking baby steps with you <3

Malleus Draconia

"Now now little one, don't give in so easealy. I know you're stronger than this..." Malleus motivates you. You certainly aren't going to die just because of a simple fever but still, wow. Humans -are- truly weak and fragile. He shouldn't really be caring for a mortal being especially if it's a human, but you are an 'exception'; you always are.

He could just leave you to Lilia and Sebek and you would've been under their watch and care 24/7, but he prefers to do this on his own since you are his favorite creature. He doesn't mind seeing how you'd overcome the pain even if it's with a simple cold. He wants to get more of you and your expressions.

He doesn't really have much to do, magic can do it all. All it takes to turn your depressing room into a prince/princess's dreamy bedroom is a twist of a finger. Go on and tell him what you want , you shall have in within a second. "All the best for you, child of man~"

While his significant magic skills are all truly stunning and helpful, his presence on his own seems to be the best part of him nursing you. He is your tsunotarou, afterall~ Not the descendant of Mistress of all Evil but only when it comes to you.

Sometimes he'd make you wish you'd stay in bed forever and ever, all to have him here, by your side. Just to have his soft, slender fingers brushing against your cheek and playing with the tip of your hair.

He does talk, but most of the time being is spent in silence since he doesn't want to bother you if it's hard for you to talk. He may pretend to be busy with something else but it's just to take your mind over the fact that he's watching you all the time. His small gestures are just as sensual as his words. Kisses on forehead, locking his dragon eyes with you , brushing your soft hair with hand as you lay on his shoulder (not that he cares about keeping the distance although you're sick. Your human illnesses are way too weak to do any harm to him, anyway~ )

His favorite time of the day is when you're asleep. You're adorable and lovely all time but, your sleeping pose, it's unimaginably beautiful to him. Watching your calm face empty of any emotion followed by the calm, yet, organized pace in your breathing as your chest falls and rises. He barely gets any sleep during the night, he doesn't need it. Watching you is way more pleasing: "Sweet dreams, my precious little human~"

Lilia Vanrouge

The most experienced, dedicated nurse here. He's been raising many of baby faes and struggling with a young, fireball shooter baby Malleus over the years. Nursing a fragile ill human like you is no more than a warm-up for him.

Chill on your bed and let him take care of everything, from the warm towels to fluffy blankets and pillows. Smooth music playing in your room as you take short naps, plushies and teddy bears around your bed giving you feelings of a newborn baby sleeping in a warm and fancy bed.

That's not all, along with his professional nursing skills, having Lilia himself around would take it all to a whole new level. He is so full of contrasts; Young and old, quite and wild, wise and careless, serious and silly and probably hundreds of other adjectives you can name.

Where else would you find a nurse who'd play you your favorite rock tracks on his guitar in the afternoon while at night, brings you cookies and hot milk to have while listening to his old but -gold- stories before going to sleep?

Lilia has got it all, old, new, calm, wild, and perhaps that's how it's never boring when he's the one you are spending time with. 'Sickness with benefits' to call. But, don't forget his horrible cooking skills.

Better hide some canned food under your pillow to save yourself from starvation when he's not around, refuse to eat his food st any cost (otherwise you'll need another 2 week hospitalized because of food poisoning-)

Make sure to thank your adorable bat nurse when you're back to full health; even if your stomach's still in pain because of his nasty cooking.

Silver

It's...his first time taking care pf someone. He is neither experienced nor educated when it comes to human health... especially because of how he's been living with fairies (who barely get sick) all over his life. The only reliable source for him would be his own memories; how Lilia used to take care fo him when he was a child. There isn't much he can remember but that'd do

Nursing doesn't seem to be that hard when he actually gives it a try - Mostly about you sleeping all day. Wow if sleeping this much is considered to be a symptom of being sick, then Silver himself has to be sick as hell 24/7. He isn't really sure if that's concerning or not

He is doing good since he seems go be pretty responsible and calm toward the whole thing, but don't expect him to be on time.

Silver wants to make sure that you'll take your medicines on time but he often fails to. He oversleeps most of the time and when he's up, he'd panic knowing that you missed your hourly medicine again.

He'd lowkey feel frustrated and useless when he misses stuff because of his sleeping issues, especially when it comes to you. He have to go for a stronger method so, he ends up in using 7 different clocks and alarms to make sure that he won't miss anything anymore; you're sick. He has to do all his best to take care of you. Nobody matters more than you do. Alarm clocks he uses are freaking loud and give him a heart attack whenever he uses them to wake up. Poor guy would need a long sleep when you're better.

He often falls asleep next to your bed after making sure that you are having a peaceful night sleep. He places a goodnight kiss on your forehead lays his head at the bottom of your bed. Who knows, maybe he would dream of you tonight, again.

Sebek Zigvolt

There's no way that you'd ever come close to master Malleus but- he still cares for you, a lot. Perhaps as much as he cares for Malleus although he refuses to confess to it. He is trained and skilled for all possible emergencies so he's all prepared to take the best possible care of you and make sure that you'll return to full health in no time.

He just knows what he is doing and makes sure that things would run smoothly. He is keeping each and every aspect in consideration and can organize everything like no one else can. From your sleeping schedule to light exercises required as you're sick. He insists on you starting to develop a better life style so that you won't end up in bed and lose time like this.

It's nice to have someone keeping the balance of your life when you need it, but when it's Sebek we're talking about, know that he might go a bit -too far- with it. He'd be overly protective and strict while you need a considerable deal of sympathy and softness too since you're sick - He collects notes of everything that was teached while you were sick and brings them to you to study, telling you that it'd be impossible to keep up with the rest of the lessons unless you study them right now, in your bed. And when you complain of it being hard to read and sit due to how weak your body is, he returns with the solution: Audio books (He isn't giving up... deal with it )

Studying isn't your only issue: he's being protective over each and every muscle you move. He'd wake you up early in the morning for a light, morning work out and doesn't let you out of the bed for the rest of the day. Whenever you complain, that's what his answer would be: " Master Lilia has blessed me with these , gloriously impressive lessons he's learned through experiences within his long- lasting life!! I believe in his words from the bottom and there's surely no cure greater than this if he says so" poor boy isn't considering he possibility of Lilia tricking him again at all.

This puppy means good, even if he fails to show it as great as you might be expecting him to. In fact he is just following all that he's told to, meanwhile he's pretty inexperienced and new to it. You may find it a bit unfair but, consider that he would've never gone out of his way to take care of you for plenty of hours everyday if it wasn't for you (Or Malleus-) seeing you sad on its own gives him wet puppy vibes let alone having you sick . He may act like a coward but, it's all because of how much you mean to him.

[dothwrites]

15.19--freedom

“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose/Nothing, don’t mean nothing if it ain’t free, no, no”--Janis Joplin

---

Freedom. 

Dean rolls the word around on the tip of his tongue and tastes how it feels. Freedom. 

It’s a strange concept, especially since he always assumed that he was. Ever since Apocalypse Version 1.0 was averted, Michael and Lucifer locked in the cage, thanks very much, he’s always assumed that he was the one calling the shots. No matter how badly he fucked up (and he fucked up a lot), he could at least take comfort in the fact that those were his choices. No one’s hand up Dean Winchester’s ass, no siree. 

And then Chuck came and ripped that certainty away from him in one quick motion and then...everything was suspect. Sam, Mom, Jack...Cas. Every word, every action, every emotion... He couldn’t trust anything, so he trusted nothing.

He still wakes up from nightmares with those words echoing in his head: You’re dead to me. He bolts upright, almost puking, because he can’t believe his past self, he can’t believe that those words came out of his mouth, to Cas, to Cas of all people--

He splashes water on his face and notices that his hand is shaking. His stomach churns in warning, but he doesn’t think he’s going to puke. However, he also doesn’t think he’s going back to sleep tonight. 

He and Sam are in the bunker, but he knows they won’t stay. It’s too empty now, their voices echoing through the halls and rooms. Maybe once, he would have been all right with that, would have even enjoyed it, but now, he can’t bear it. He remembers all too well how it felt to have Jack’s voice bouncing through the kitchen as he talked about the latest movie they had watched, or how it felt to just feel Cas behind him as he moved through the kitchen. 

Every time he makes his breakfast, he’s reminded of what he lost. Every time he and Sam come back to the bunker, there’s the sinking disappointment to find themselves alone once more. Dean ends up spending most of his days in his room because anywhere else freaks him out. He can’t stop whipping his head to look over his shoulder, halfway convinced that he’ll find someone standing behind him. He’s always disappointed when he finds himself alone. 

He and Sam are going to leave the bunker behind. He doesn’t know when and he doesn’t know what for, but he knows that it’s going to happen. 

He asks Sam one afternoon why he hasn’t left yet. Eileen is waiting for him, biding her time a hell of a lot more patiently than Dean would, and Sam still isn’t going to her and starting the American dream life. And one afternoon, Dean either runs out of fucks and gathers up his last little shreds of courage, and asks him. 

“So when are you going to move in with Eileen? I can’t imagine that she’s going to wait for your gigantor ass forever.” 

Sam looks at him from across the table. There’s a book open in front of him, but Dean doesn’t think that he’s read a word. He knows that he’s been stuck on the same screen on his phone for several minutes. Without the pressing urgency of saving the world, things just seem so...pointless. Which is not necessarily bad. But it means that he and Sam spend a lot of slow, lingering afternoons like this, with just the two of them wandering through the bunker and occasionally bouncing off of each other like two very faulty pinballs stuck in a malfunctioning machine. 

“She’s fine,” Sam says, which isn’t an answer. “She understands what’s happening.” 

Dean’s glad that someone understands because he surely has no fucking clue.

---

His life falls into a kind of routine. Wake up, make breakfast. Find pointless chores to do around the bunker. Make lunch. Watch some bullshit shows on TV. Make dinner. Have a beer. Fall asleep. 

He feels like the worst kind of retiree, devoid of purpose. 

Sure, there are occasional hunts, but he doesn’t feel the need to go on them. The world is turning, same as it always did, and there are other hunters in the world. If that’s one thing that he learned through these past years, it’s that he doesn’t have to do everything. 

(Plus, he and Sam literally defeated God, so he thinks they deserve some time off.)

The forced retirement doesn’t make him happy. The bunker is the cleanest that it’s ever been and he doesn’t feel happy about it. There’s a gaping hole in his chest that’s shaped like the rest of his family, and he can’t sleep at night. He makes dinner and all he can think about are the empty places at the table. 

Sam sticks his head into Dean’s room. It’s a regular day, though Dean doesn’t bother to note either the actual date or the day of the week anymore. Time blends together in an endless cycle of waking, chores, and sleeping, because without a purpose to hold him together, he’s slowly falling apart. 

“I’m going to head out,” Sam says. Dean notices that he doesn’t put a timeline on his departure. “You should get out too.” 

Dean raises his eyebrows but doesn’t ask the obvious question: Where would he go? Sam, slightly chagrined, scuffs his feet against the floor. “Maybe go see Jody, Donna, and the girls? See if Charlie and Stevie want a third on their hunt? Bobby said something about building up his library here.” 

“Yeah,” Dean says, with absolutely no intention of following through on any of those suggestions. He’s not quite wallowing in his own grief and filth (every time he tries to crawl back into a bottle, he just remembers the pinched look at the corners of Cas’ eyes whenever he would find Dean halfway through a bender, and that memory effectively nixes any desire he might have had to crawl into the nearest bottle), but he’s not exactly the poster boy for healthy coping strategies either. 

“Dean.” 

Dean hates that note in Sam’s voice, the oh-so-soft and sensitive tone that could soothe widows and lull children. He hates even more that it’s being turned on him, hates most of all that he derives comfort from it. 

“I don’t get it,” Dean finally says, because if Sam is leaving then he might be losing his chance to ask his question aloud. “I don’t get...I mean, Jack could have brought him back. He could have done it. I could have asked him. I was right fucking there, and I didn’t ask.” 

He’s dissected those moments in his head until there’s nothing left, and he’s forced to cobble them back together like some Frankenstein of memories just so he can take them apart all over again. Why didn’t he ask Jack to bring Cas back? Why didn’t Jack do it of his own free will? Jack knew how he much he needed Cas; hell, Jack brought him back once before when he wasn’t God. So why couldn’t he do it then, when Dean needed him the most? 

“I don’t know,” Sam says, still in that same soft voice. “Maybe...maybe it was like Mom? I mean, Cas made his choice. For better or worse, he made it, and maybe Jack thinks that we need to respect it?” 

A thick lump rises in his throat. Cas’ face replays in his nightmares, tear-stricken and yet smiling, peace and grief shining in his eyes. I love you. Like it was the easiest thing in the world to say at that moment. Like it was all he’d ever wanted to say. 

“I never...” Dean swallows, but he doesn’t manage to chase away the horrid feeling rising in his chest. “I never said it back to him, Sam. I never...all those times he said it to us, and I never...he died, thinking that no one loved him. The one thing I want, I know I can’t have, is what he said to me.” 

Dean doesn’t necessarily have a list of his regrets (there are too many to really list), but if he did, then he knows this would be at the top of it. Cas sacrificed himself, Cas let himself get taken, Cas died, and all to save someone who he believed didn’t love him back. 

How could he not know? 

Dean knows he’s not necessarily Mr. Subtle; he knows Sam knows. Their enemies damn sure have seemed to figure out through the years exactly where Dean’s heart lies. How could Cas, as brilliant as he was, as insightful, as compassionate as he was, not understand that Dean’s been lost on him, quite possible since the first time he walked through those barn doors? 

Sam’s face goes on a journey and it ends up at about the same place that Dean feels. Maybe now Sam understands why it’s so much effort for him to just make it out of his room. 

“He thought it was worth it,” Sam finally says. “Even if he thought...At the end, it was still worth it to him.” 

You were still worth it, is left unsaid, but Dean hears the echo nonetheless. There’s an accusation there which he doesn’t want to confront, but he has to nonetheless. 

“I can’t stay here anymore,” Sam finally says. “I can’t...” When he looks at Dean, his eyes are glistening. There’s a plea for understanding in his face. “There’s a whole world out there that I haven’t gotten to see since...since Stanford really. Since ever. I can finally go out there and walk around and not worry that something’s going to come after me. I can finally...” Sam rubs a corner of his shirt between his fingers. “You always said that I wanted a normal life, and I did, for a while. Then, when I figured that it was never going to happen, I stopped myself from wanting it, because what was the point? When everything we had got ripped away from us, what was the point of anything? But now...” 

“If you start now, then you can probably make Des Moines by night,” Dean offers. It’s all he can say, but it’s enough. 

Sam smiles, his eyes glassy. “I’ll call you when I get there.”

It’s not a goodbye, but it is. It’s the bonds of desperation and codependency snapping and shattering and reforming into something else. Dean doesn’t know how to love his brother in this new world. All he knows is that Sam deserves to live the life he’s deserved. 

Dean closes his eyes. 

When he opens them, Sam is gone.

---

That night, he goes up on the roof of the bunker. It’s cold, but not unbearable. There’s a light drizzle falling which strengthens to a gentle shower the longer he stays outside. 

Dean closes his eyes and looks up at the sky. Out here, the stars shine clearer than ever before, visible even through the rainclouds. 

He can’t help but think of Jack. His son. He can say those words now, acknowledge that Jack gave him everything he really wanted; the chance at a family, the chance to erase some of his father’s sins. Jack was gentle, he was kind, he was loving, he was theirs. And then he was gone. 

Cas, Jack, Sam...

“What am I supposed to do?” Dean asks the rain, the same wild pain rising up in his throat. “What am I supposed to do now?” 

---

He makes it back inside, damp and cold, and strips himself. He should shower, but he can’t be bothered, so he falls into bed naked and shivering. Not like it matters; no one is around to see him anyway. He falls into a fitful doze and is only awakened hours later by the soft sounds of someone moving around his room. 

He bolts upright, snatching his gun out from underneath his pillow, because old habits die never. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes as his heartbeat catches up with his adrenaline. “Sam?” he asks, and then, more tentatively, “Jack?” 

His desk lamp blazes into the life with a soft snap. Dean’s heart leaps into his throat. 

Cas smiles at him, the same as always, sadness always lurking in his eyes and at the corners of his mouth. Dean finally understands why he looks that way. 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says. The sound of his voice sends shivers down Dean’s spine, but the hair on his arms doesn’t rise. Dean understands then. 

“This is a dream.” He lowers the gun. His heart slows to normal and disappointment is bitter in his mouth. “You’re not really here.” 

Cas’ mouth lifts in a lopsided smile. “It’s as real as you make it.” 

“Don’t fucking Dumbledore me,” Dean mutters. He rubs at his temples. Somehow, even lucid dreaming has lost its appeal. Talking to Cas isn’t appealing when he knows that he’s just talking to his own subconscious. 

“I fail to see what a fictional wizard of questionable sexuality has to do with this.” 

“Good to know that my subconscious has your sense of humor down.” Dean glares at Cas. “Why the fuck are you here, anyway? It’s a dick move, even for my brain.” 

“Maybe because I’m the person you want to see? I don’t know. It’s your head, not mine.”

“Yeah. No offense, but I think I’m just going to go back to sleep. Or wake up. I don’t know. Whatever it is, I don’t need to see you anymore. It’s just...It really hurts, all right?” 

“I’m not real, so you’re not really hurting my feelings.” 

“Good. Well, now that we have that sorted out.” Dean punches his pillow as a punishment for betraying him, before he turns back to Cas. “I miss you,” he says, because he’s weak and always has been. 

“Dean.” The sound of Cas’ voice always manages to make Dean stop and now is no different. He turns around and looks at Cas. 

Somehow, Cas looks more solid around the edges. The lines around his eyes are more pronounced, and if Dean turns his head at just the right angle, he thinks he can see grey silvering at Cas’ temple. 

“Sam was right,” Cas says. “I made a choice. That’s what this was all about, ever since the beginning. Making choices, running our own course, picking our own path.” 

“Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in,” Dean mutters. The last thing he needs is his subconscious reminding him that once again, Cas decided that he wasn’t good enough to stay with. 

“But that doesn’t mean that you can’t make a choice as well,” Cas continues, ignoring him. “There’s nothing to stop you. You can make whatever choices you want and take the consequences that come with them. And if you make the right choices, then maybe...” Cas bites his lip, looking almost nervous. “Then maybe I can make some choices too.” 

Dean opens his mouth to argue--Cas is dead, the time for making decisions has come and gone--but his subconscious is a dick, and before he can say anything, his dream fades away in a wash of black. 

---

Dean wakes up energized. His eyes open into the same room, but it’s different somehow. It’s ridiculous, because the bunker is underground, but it’s almost like he sees the sun shining through his windows. Even the air tastes different. For the first time in weeks, he gets out of bed without dreading every step away from his mattress. 

He glances at his phone. There’s a message from Sam along with a picture. In it, Eileen and Sam smile at the camera, their heads pressed together at the temple. There’s still a shadow of sadness in their eyes--they’ve all lost too much to be truly carefree ever again--but they look good. Happy. Whole. 

Cas’ words echo back at him, both from the dream and from those last, horrible, terrifying moments. 

Everything you did, you did for love. 

You can make a choice. 

Dean starts towards the library. 

---

It takes him three weeks of almost non-stop research to cobble together enough spells to make something that has the potential to work. This isn’t his strength; Sam is much more suited for this type of work, but he won’t bring Sam in on this. If this thing goes really damn badly, then it has the potential to wipe him off the face of the earth, goodbye Dean Winchester. If this thing does what he’s halfway expecting it to, which is nothing, then he’ll have gotten Sam’s hopes up for nothing. He’s not going to expose Sam to either danger or disappointment, not when Sam’s finally managed to get to some kind of happiness. 

If everything goes well...

Dean won’t let himself think about that. 

He spends two days smoothing out the kinks in the spell, double and triple checking his translations. He gathers his ingredients, and then spends another hour pacing around the library. His stomach is roiling, and his nerves are jittery. He can’t bear to stop, but he can’t bear to move forward. 

The memory of Cas’ smile spurs him into action. Cas went to his death a willing martyr for a man who he believed didn’t love him back. He can’t let that stand. If anything else, Cas has to know. 

The drive to Pontiac, Illinois takes him the better part of a day. The impala springs forward across the asphalt, almost like she’s eager to eat up the miles after her forced retirement. Dean pushes hard down on the gas pedal, urging her forward. One way or another, this is going to come to an end tonight. 

It takes him a while to find the barn. The last time he was here, he wasn’t in his right mind, still reeling from the horrors of Hell and the confusion of finding himself alive. He’d been scared and angry, lost and so very alone. And then an angel had walked through the door and told him that good things happened, that he deserved to be saved. The last little bit might have been a line fed to Cas by a bunch of dickhead superiors, but the sentiment behind it had stayed long after those superiors were all dead. 

They replaced the doors which Cas shattered and painted over the walls which Dean and Bobby covered with sigils, but if Dean looks carefully, he can see the shadows of them behind the new coat of whitewash. He touches them gently for a second, remembering Bobby and all of the years which led him back to this place. Then he pulls out his can of spray paint and proceeds to deface the barn all over again. 

When he’s done, he sets up the ingredients on the table. The table is where it was all those years ago, facing the doors to the barn. He doesn’t quite believe that Cas is going to pull the same trick, storming through the doors in a shower of sparks, but he can always hope. 

“God...Jack,” Dean corrects himself with a wry twist of his mouth, “I really hope this works. Cas, wherever you are, I really hope you have your ears on.” 

Dean looks at his translations and begins to speak. He’s hoping that intention counts for something as his tongue stumbles over the unfamiliar words. His heart beats an uncertain pulse in his chest. This has to work. It has to work. 

He puts every ounce of belief into his voice, every bit of the faith Cas once accused him of not having. I have faith, he thinks, putting force behind his voice, sending his words rocketing into the dimensions. I believe in us. 

What’s real? 

We are.

The last syllables roll over his tongue, followed immediately by a peal of thunder. The barn shivers, a ripple rolling through the air to settle over Dean’s skin. Electricity crackles in the air, filling him with potential. 

“Castiel?” he calls to the darkness. “Cas?” 

There’s no answer, but the spells and research had been unclear on whether or not there should be an answer. He would prefer knowing that Cas was listening, but in absence of certainty, he’ll have to have faith. 

“Cas, I really hope you can hear me,” he says. The words bring back the memories of Purgatory and a time when he and Cas could barely look at each other. He pushes those memories away and concentrates on the truth he can feel in his heart, the same truth which has guided him through the years and all the way from Lebanon, Kansas to the small barn where it all began all those years ago. 

“I know you made your choice. I know you were happy. But...it’s not the same without you. I’m not the same without you. I wake up and think about you, and you’re the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night. Every moment, you’re there because you’re not there. I look at all the places you’re missing and I can’t help but think that everything would be better if you were there.”

Dean swallows. “I miss you,” he confesses to the night. “Cas, I miss you so much. And I want you to come back. Not because I need you or because there’s something to fight against, but just because I miss you and life is better when you’re around.” He thinks of what Sam told him before he went. “There’s a new world out there, and I can’t think of who I would rather explore it with than you, but in order to do that, you’ve got to make a choice, all right?” 

His heart is pounding so hard he thinks it might explode out of his chest. “I want to share my life with you. I want to figure out this world together. I want to be able to look at you and hold you and experience everything with you. Cas, I want to tell you what I should have told you every single day for years. I’m sorry that I never told you while you were with me. And I’m sorry that the first time I say it, I’m not going to be looking at you, but it wouldn’t be our lives if something about this wasn’t shitty, right?” 

Dean takes a deep breath. “I love you, Cas. Not because of what you can do or how useful you are. I love you because of who you are and how hard you try. And I want to say it to you, every single day, for years to come. I’ve made my choice, Cas. Now you just need to make yours.” 

Silence overtakes the barn. The only sound is the faint whistling of the wind through the slats of the barn and the quick rasp of his breathing. There’s no flap of wings, no deep voice growling in his ears, no pop of electricity. 

“Please, Cas,” Dean whispers, closing his eyes to try and stop the burning behind them. “Please.” 

Thunder rolls through the barn, shaking through the wood down to the dirt floor. Dean’s head jerks upright as he scans the barn. “Cas?” he calls, hardly daring to hope. “Castiel?” 

A thin, golden thread rips open in the air before him. It looks almost exactly like the rifts between worlds which Jack used to create, but that’s not possible. 

It’s not possible, but Dean dares to hope anyway. 

“Castiel? Cas?” 

A single hand reaches out through the golden tear, and then Dean is moving, he’s practically tripping over his own feet in his haste to reach the rift. “Cas, Cas, please,” he’s saying, not quite aware of the words which are tumbling from his mouth. “Please.” 

Until his fingers grip the hand, he’s not sure that it’s real, but that’s solid flesh and bone underneath his palm. Dean pulls, feeling resistance on the other end. “No,” he grunts, reaching into the rift. His hand touches skin, and his resolve grows. He didn’t come this far only to lose. They haven’t come this far only to fall apart. 

“I want you,” he says, as though the force of his words can rip through the veil. “Cas, please, come home, Cas, please--” 

With an almighty heave, he pulls once more and then he’s falling backward, another body tumbling against his in an ungainly pile of limbs and bodies. There’s skin and there’s warm, and there’s weight. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean sees the rift close up, as neatly as if it were never there at all. 

He doesn’t care about that. He can’t, not now. 

Dean looks down at the body sprawled across his lap. There are miles upon miles of naked skin for him to peruse, and he hopes that he’ll be able to do so later at his leisure, but for now, all he can concentrate on are those two luminous eyes blinking up at him. 

“Cas?” Dean asks, hardly daring to believe. His hands cup Castiel’s face, fingers sweeping a few locks of dark hair off of his forehead. 

Castiel blinks at him, his dark eyelashes fanning over his cheeks. A slow smile creeps across his face, like the dawn spreading across the horizon. “Dean,” he says, his voice the same as it always was, but this time it’s better, because it’s a voice that Dean never thought he’d hear again. 

“Cas.” It’s the only word Dean seems capable of saying, but words don’t seem important anymore, not when he can lean forward and press his lips to Cas’, not when he can taste the small sigh of surprise on Cas’ lips. “Cas, I missed you so much, oh god, Cas, there’s so much I want to tell you, there’s so much I want to do--” 

Cas interrupts him with another kiss, his arms threading around Dean’s shoulders to pull him closer. Gentle fingers tug at the hair at the nape of his neck, and Dean thinks that he could live in this moment forever. 

But before he does that, there’s something else which needs to happen first. Dean pulls away, ignoring the small whine of protest from Cas. 

“Cas, there’s something I need to tell you,” he starts, only to be interrupted. 

“I know,” Cas says, his face splitting into a wide, gummy smile. No shadow lurks behind his eyes, no hint of tears glisten in his eyes. There’s just happiness, radiant and absolute, gleaming from his face. 

“I heard your prayer.” 

Maybe once upon a time, Dean would have been satisfied with that answer, but not anymore. 

“I love you,” Dean whispers, pressing the words into Cas’ skin with gentle kisses over his temple and cheeks. “I love you, I love you, I love you, and I’m going to tell you every day until you get sick of it.” 

“You’ll have to try for a very long time,” Castiel answers, his fingers tracing along Dean’s jaw. “I like hearing those words very much.” 

Dean can’t help but kiss him again. As he does so, he feels the lost and scattered pieces of his heart knitting back together until he can finally breathe for the first time in months. “Come on,” he says, once he surfaces for air. “Let’s go.” 

It only hits him then that Cas is naked. Apparently rebirth and snagging people out of alternate dimensions results in a distinct lack of clothing. Dean’s eyes want to travel over the skin revealed to him, but he waits. There will be time, he realizes with a tiny thrill of delight. He and Cas have all the time in the world.

He manages to find a blanket to wrap around Cas’ shoulders. It will do until they get out to the car where he has a spare set of clothes. For now, he helps Cas to his feet. Cas looks around him, his eyes wide and huge, as though he’s overwhelmed with the world around him. 

“Where are we headed?” Cas asks as they head towards the door. The Impala waits outside, beckoning them forward once more. 

Dean grins as the cool night air washes over them. It’s gentle and soft, eternity held in the breeze. There’s a world held within the palm of tonight, a world held within the rest of their lives. 

“Wherever we want,” he answers, stepping out of the shadow of the barn and into the world. 

As they walk towards the Impala, a light rain begins to fall. 

---

“Before, I wanted to say: "I found love!" But now, I want to say: "I found a person. And he belongs to me and I belong to him.”― C. JoyBell C.

[tarysande]

S6 Thoughts: A Tale of Two Brothers

But wait! There’s more. Thoughts on the overall arc of the series, Heaven and Hell edition:

In S1, Lucifer is “vacationing” on Earth but doesn’t plan to return to Hell. Amenadiel spends that season trying so hard to force Lucifer back to Hell, where he “belongs,” that he himself Falls. We’ve got this role reversal of an angel doing evil things to return the devil (doing ... good things, like solving crimes) to Hell. It’s all very “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” 

In S2, Lucifer still has no plans to return permanently to Hell, but he’s willing to face it to save Chloe. Of course, this then leads to him experiencing his own forced hell-loop. Amenadiel is also conflicted. Though he’s changed enough that he no longer wants to force Lucifer back to Hell, he’s still uncertain where that leaves either of them. In fact, even when Lucifer pleads with Amenadiel to return him to Hell, Amenadiel refuses. However, when Mum plants the idea of returning to Heaven as a family, Amenadiel clings to that. He’s looking for a purpose. Lucifer, on the other hand, is still very much aboard the Heaven nope train. Here, we also get the foreshadowing of celestial war, and Lucifer’s rejection of Mum’s plan because “In war, there are always casualties.” He would rather sacrifice one--Mum, Uriel--for the many. But it hurts him. If he belongs anywhere, he thinks, it’s Earth ... but, ultimately, that’s shortsighted because we know he doesn’t actually want to be on an Earth that doesn’t have the people he’s coming to care about on it.

S3 is, as we all know, a bit of a mess. But, hey, it’s actually thematically appropriate! Lucifer’s having an identity crisis (wings) that just keeps giving (or taking), and even though subconsciously (we later realize) he gave himself the wings because he was, in fact, making progress reconciling his past and present, his conscious is backsliding like (pun not intended) hell. Much as he wants Earth to be home, he’s got these non-stop reminders of both Heaven and Hell. It makes complete narrative sense that this season reaches the point where he can no longer hide from himself--or from Chloe. 

In this season, we also see Amenadiel really start to settle into the idea of staying on Earth, of embracing humanity. He’s shedding the aloofness he once had. He’s learning (we later realize) how to be the kind of God who sheds mysterious ways in favor of boots on the ground. I mean, he doesn’t realize this. But Dad ... well, he has a Plan. Lucifer begins the season with sudden wings. Amenadiel ends it with his wings’ very deliberate return. 

In many ways, this season is about Hell on Earth and torture at the hands of an entity far more intentionally and deliberately evil than the actual devil. This is why the catalyst of Cain is so important. He is all the things Lucifer has been accused of being, only he embraces it in ways we’ve seen Lucifer reject and recoil from again and again. This season is torture (lol). It’s Hell. It’s every ugly thing lies beget. And much as we love Lucifer, we’re given an extreme close-up of how his omission of truth is very nearly as devastating as Cain’s outright lies. Of course, this nearly results in Chloe’s death (in more ways than one; you can’t tell me that godforsaken marriage wouldn’t have been like dying), and the devil’s vengeance results in the removal of Lucifer’s choice about the where and when to reveal his true nature to Chloe. 

Which brings us to S4, aka The Season of Angst. For Lucifer (and Chloe), anyway. Not so much for Amenadiel, who is set on the path of fatherhood, of responsibility, of partnership and not just commands he expects to be followed. In case we’ve forgotten how much Amenadiel has changed, Remiel “mini-Amen” shows up to remind us. In Linda’s “When angels fall, they also rise” of it, Amenadiel is rising again. He’s not the same as he was, no, but ... we didn’t like old Amenadiel very much, did we? Like Lucifer, Amenadiel is on a journey of learning who he is, the good and the ugly, so he can choose the parts he wants to keep with both eyes open. 

Of course, while Amenadiel is rising, Lucifer is falling. In having to deal with Chloe’s reaction to his devil face, Lucifer is put in the uncomfortable position of either growing enough to face his own darkness and self-loathing or retreating, very literally, into who he used to be because it’s comfortable and less frightening than the prospect of change and the unknown. Until it isn’t, right? The more he becomes the devil Eve remembers, the more uncomfortable he becomes. And the more frightening he becomes. Not to Chloe, as he fears, but to himself--though it takes a while to recognize it. If nothing else, we have to hand this to Lucifer’s subconscious: when it wants him to PAY ATTENTION DUMMY, it’s pretty good at getting its point across. If S3 was Hell on Earth starring Cain as the devil, S4 is Hell on Earth starring, well, the devil as the devil with bonus demons. It’s Lucifer’s earthbound iteration of a guilt-induced hell-loop. And at the tragic end, he chooses to return to the place he swore he’d never return, losing everything good in the process, but doing it for selfless reasons. So, that’s new. And it’s why there was still a sliver of hope even when things looked impossibly dark.

S5 begins with Lucifer in Hell--farther from the things he cares about than he has ever been, but also closer to his true calling. Not that he realizes it; this is Lucifer we’re talking about. So, of course it makes sense that as the season goes on, he’ll end up confused by suddenly having everything he always thought he wanted within his grasp. The Lucifer who led a rebellion against his father because he thought he could do better than God? Of course that part of him wants to be handed the job now. No--he wants to earn it. And while some of his reasons are not great, others are. His heartbreak about the injustice and unfairness of life, well ... who hasn’t felt that way? Who hasn’t wanted the power to unilaterally make things better? But that’s not how free will works. That’s not how choice works. While Lucifer wrestles with the necessity of becoming God, Amenadiel recoils from what his S1 self would have seen as his right and his calling. S1 Amenadiel would have made a terrifying and inflexible and absolute and judgmental God. Perhaps even a God closer to our imaginings of Evil than Good.

S6 is about how sometimes personal growth means we grow out of old dreams and acquire new ones. Sometimes, it’s about reimagining those old dreams, rebuilding them with new information. For Amenadiel, that means recognizing that the person he is now is the best man for the Big Job. It means recognizing that Heaven can be (a place) on Earth if he wants it to be. It means he sets aside the pride of “If God wants something done, he sends ME” in favor of delegation and accepting help--and in doing so, helping others (his siblings) discover their callings too. He learns to lead by example, tempered with love and humility.

In Paradise Lost, Milton’s Lucifer famously declares that it is better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven. But our Lucifer ... his calling isn’t ruling in Heaven. That’s the old dream of a person who no longer exists. Ironically, Lucifer’s calling is to serve in Hell. Not to serve a distant, ineffable, unfathomable being’s mysterious ways, mind you, but to tangibly serve the humans he has come to love, and who have taught him so much about himself. Who have taught him about love and sacrifice and light and darkness and second chances and hope and faith. When Lucifer chooses to return to Hell, he does so with his eyes open, just as Chloe returns to the LAPD with her eyes open. It’s a lesson that revisits the first episode of the season: Truth and wonder don’t have to be at odds. They can go hand in hand. The mysteries at the heart of pain and suffering and trauma--those are the ones Lucifer wants to solve. Because solving them isn’t about trusting to a higher power (aka the justice system, which is flawed) or designing the perfect torture. It’s about quite literally helping others set themselves free. Finding release. It’s about being a guide, not a judge. And it’s about fulfilling not the temporary desire that merely scratches the itch, but offering the tools necessary to help others determine--choose--their path to the desire they may not even realize is buried beneath the layers of scar tissue within them. And what could be more wonderous than that? Especially when you have a partner who makes you better at your calling, even as you make them better at theirs.

In the end, Heaven and Hell are what we make of them. One person’s Heaven is another person’s Hell. Love is what matters. In all its many, many forms.