#and talks absolute shit about her to anyone who will listen and acts like a man baby

[lady-caden]

I need 2 vent

[analyticallymindedaa]

@cllsgnfirefly/@warhunting is a Real One for having correct opinions and hating fitz and the aos writers and being bitter abt will with me

[norrizzandpia]

this is about oscar? part 3 but its freak by doja cat 🙏🏻

I fear y/n has released an entire album this time lol @golden-flora

The Album (OP81)

Summary: She’s done singles, one song at a time about her and Oscar’s sex life, but, now, she’s ready for a whole album.

Warnings: dirtiest one of the series, sexual discussions, Oscar being cocky

Note: THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF THE WHO IS OSCAR PIASTRI SERIES IS HERE EVERYONE!!!! Hope you like it, i added some new things. First, as you know, y/n releases an album here, but, also, at the end, instead of smau, it’s just a regular story abt them on a podcast 🤭

y/nnn Oscar, the album, out tonight with a track list of Freak, Agora Hills, Dick, and Pussy Poppin 🤭

Comments:

Mclarensgirly SHE NAMED THE WHOLE THING OSCAR IM FUCKING CRYING

F1fan2023 using a photo McLaren took is cray

- y/nnn say it with me everyone: he looks hot!

- Mclarensgirly he looks hot!

- ln4andop81 he looks hot!

- f1fan81 he looks hot!

landonorris plz. plz don’t release it. I’ve never felt terror like this in my entire life after seeing that track list

- y/nnn don’t you put your life on the line every weekend to drive a car?

- landonorris yes.

oscarpiastri anyone want to come to the listening party?

- Danielricciardo no.

- landonorris absolutely fucking not

- logansargeant YOU THINK IM GOING TO BE LISTENING TO THESE???

- y/nnn y’all are some fake ass bitches

oscarpiastri haha have fun everyone!!!

- ln4andop81 mans is enjoying himself

- oscarpiastri more than enjoying myself

- landonorris like I’ll literally kill you

—

TWITTER

Mclarensgirly i would just like to say that this is the man all those songs are about

- ln4andop81 i mean she did say “tied him down to my queen bed” in freak so that pic does fit the sub allegations

- f1fan2023 she also said “love it when he hit and smack too” in agora hills

- Mclarensgirly also said “hold me down, when a hole need dick”

- f1fan81 also said “he want a quickie, let him lick me, then I started gasping. The way his tongue be going crazy, you wouldn’t imagine. I let him stick me, hair got frizzy, I might let him crash it”

- Mclarensgirly also said “He put that woo all down my throat until i started coughing.”

- ln4andop81 OKAY OKAY I GET IT 😭

- ln4andop81 but also like… lets talk abt it

- Mclarensgirly IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

- f1fan2023 “he like it when i bend it over and i arch my back. He tap me on my shoulders, i said ‘yeah, i like that’” YOURE KIDDING.

- ln4andop81 i envision that in my head at night

- Mclarensgirly oh?

- ln4andop81 moving on! “Pull the panties to the side, watch a movie and make it two. We just finished number one, but I’m ready for round two” YUM.MY.

- F1fan81 sometimes i wonder if I’m jealous of Oscar or jealous of y/n

- Mclarensgirly real.

- ln4andop81 we also need to talk about Dick bc she literally goes “i met the boy in the 6, but measurements wasn’t a six” UHHHHHHH

- f1fan2023 it baffles me that he’s packing that seriously

- ln4andop81 nothing baffles me when it comes to that boy now that y/n sang “When I made a little mess on it, he told me to clean my act up” BRUHHHH THATS FUCKING HOT AS SHIT

- Mclarensgirly “Skirt up, fuck in the backseat. Take that shirt off, baby, put it on me. Got me like ‘yeehow’, ride it like a horsey. Kinda like seesaw, up and down on the D, give it to him” McLaren’s kicking and crying rn bc they know they cant take their car back from Oscar after y/n confirmed they christened it

- f1fan2023 okay okay but can we talk about “suck a little dick in the bathroom” in agora hills (slay song btw i ate that shit up)

- ln4andop81 YEAH BC IM GOING TO NEED SOME MORE INFO THAN THAT. WHEN. WHERE. WHAT.

- F1fan81 i bet your ass it was in the mtc

- ln4andop81 or in the Australian Grand Prix paddock remember when no one could find him after the face was over and all he said he was with y/n? SHE HAD TO HAVE BEEN GIVING HIM CELEBRATORY HEAD

- Mclarensgirly honestly? They prob did it in both

- oscarpiastri mhm

—

Oscar and Y/n sat next to each other on the soft sofa of the studio. They giggled with the podcast host as she said their introduction.

“Breaking the internet right now with their sex life, Oscar Piastri and Y/n Y/l/n! Hi, guys, welcome.” Samantha, the host, spoke to them.

Y/n and Oscar mumbled pleasantries, their legs squished together even with all the space to Y/n’s left. The woman was quick to getting into the topic of conversation, having already discussed boundaries with the couple before the cameras started rolling.

“So, Y/n, you’ve just released a small album that focuses mostly on Oscar and the things you two get up to in the bedroom. Were you ever nervous to share these songs with the world?”

Y/n nodded, “At first, yeah, all the way back when we started with 34+35, but it got easier once I saw the overwhelming support for it. I think the best part about releasing them is seeing the jokes that the fans make about Oscar and that side of him.”

Samantha smiled, “That leads me to my next question, Oscar, were you ever nervous to have people know about that side of you? Seeing as it was such a shocker.”

He laughed as he adjusted his position, throwing an arm around his girlfriend, “Um, well, I didn’t think it was that shocking. We didn’t expect people to go haywire over hearing that I lean more towards the dominant side. We kind of assumed people inferred that.”

Samantha’s jaw dropped, “Really?! Oh! I’ll be honest, I was quite surprised when I heard it.”

Y/n shook her head, “I don’t know, I guess the way Oscar is in front of cameras is drastically different from how he actually is. He’s still very soft spoken and quiet, but a bit more outgoing.”

Samantha nodded as she glanced over her next question, “Oscar, what’s your favorite song off this album?”

“Oh, I am so ready for this. Agora Hills.” He answered immediately, smiling proudly at the others in the room.

Y/n turned to look at him, “Really?! Why?!”

His head leaned from side to side, “Just, it’s more romantic? I mean, you talk about tying the knot alongside the sex stuff.”

Y/n and Samantha laugh at his comment, Samantha agreeing, “No, I see what you’re saying. Y/n, you do say you want to show him off multiple times throughout the song.”

“Because I do!” She exclaimed, leaning into her boyfriend lovingly.

He kissed her temple, listening intently to Samantha.

“Your interactions with the fans are hilarious. Do you guys look forward to fucking with them?”

“Hell yeah!” Oscar exclaimed, “Once I caught wind of the fact that they didn’t think I did shit in the bedroom, I became very obnoxious when rubbing what happens between Y/n and I in their faces.”

Y/n cooed jokingly, “Aw, Osc, was your masculinity damaged?”

He rolled his eyes at her, laughing at her dig and pushing her away softly. They came back together, though.

“Before we move on from this subject, I want to ask Y/n, was the over six inches comment really true?” Samantha eyed her as Y/n glanced beside her at Oscar, silently asking him if she could do what he knew she wanted to do.

He nodded at her, shaking his head lightly as she said, “A lady never kisses and tells.”

Silence passed as she raised her hands and aimed them around nine inches apart. Winking suggestively at the camera, the women in the room gasped.

“IS THAT NINE INCHES?!” Samantha screamed, causing all of them to fall into a fit of giggles.

Y/n brought the microphone to her mouth and whispered, “Oh, yeah, it is.”

[headcanonenthusiast]

Valeria Garza NSFW headcanons. 

This was made with fem readers in mind.

Also quick note, I apologize in advance if this isn't as detailed as my headcanons on some other characters. It was definitely harder for me to come up w/ stuff for Val, especially bc girlie is nowhere near one of my favorites (I'm sorry 😔) but what better way to expand on writing then doing headcanons of characters you rarely think about? So, without further ado, I hope you enjoy! 

(I completely understand that this type of content is not everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok! But, please scroll and ignore if this type of content isn't your thing as opposed to leaving any sort of negative comments.)

NSFW under the cut.

-THE brat tamer.

-Absolutely will not take your shit if you disobey her in any way, shape or form. 

-"What did you just say to me? Do you have any idea who you're talking to?" 

-Gets this look of absolute disbelief on her face if you dare to act like a brat, then her eyes turn dark and she's suddenly dragging you to bed. 

-"I'm the woman who decides whether or not you get to cum every night, querida. And if you're gonna keep acting like a fucking brat, then it looks like you won't get to cum for the rest of the week." 

-Her favorite forms of punishment include anything to do with orgasms. Whether it be edging you, overstimulating you or even denying you the right to cum entirely, she loves making you squirm and beg to release. 

-Shakes her head and clicks her tongue, as if you begging to cum is the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard after you've misbehaved. 

-"Oh, so now you're sorry? Chica, a sorry isn't going to cut it. I warned you about acting like a little brat, but you didn't listen. You never fucking listen to me." 

-Proceeds to lecture you and switch between degrading you in English and Spanish as she either forces a strap down your throat or harshly plays with your clit. 

-"Perra estúpida. Never listening to me and then acting surprised when I don't let you cum." 

-Will also partake in bondage, cuffing up your wrists to the headboard before she runs a vibrator painfully slow over your pussy. 

-As rough as she is when it comes to sex, if you're genuinely feeling upset about something, her gaze will turn more sympathetic (which she refuses to show to anyone besides you.) 

-"What? What's wrong, amor?" 

-And you're welcome to tell her about all of your troubles while she gently eats you out. 

-Probably has multiple straps. Prefers buying the thickest one possible but she does have one that's much longer for when you really piss her off. 

-Is very willing to spoil you with new sex toys and lingerie. Anything to make her pretty girl happy. 

-Also, I feel like she'd switch between wanting to see you touch yourself and not letting you at all. 

-When she's not there with you, she probably encourages you to masterbate and send her tons of videos of you doing so.

-But, if she's actually there and catches you touching yourself, it won't be pretty. 

-"Oh, can I not satisfy you enough anymore? Is that it?" 

-Then she fingers you so well your legs are shaking as she rants. 

-"Look at you, cumming just from my fingers. What a slut."

-"And you really thought you could make yourself cum the same way I do? No, no, estás loca por pensar eso, querida." 

-She wants anything sexual to be completely dependent on either her or toys she picks out for you. 

-In other words, very dominant. 

-In other other words, if you ever asked or God forbid tried to make her submit, you're a dead woman. 

-"Thats it. You're getting too fucking bratty for your own good. Get over my Goddamn lap right now if you know what's good for you." 

-And when you are on her lap, she'll switch between spanking your ass and spanking your pussy. 

-Leaves hickeys on the most visible spots on purpose. 

-Smirks when you get all shy about it, gently brushing your hair away as she chuckles. 

-"Don't worry, amor. I won't make the marks too visible." 

-But then she does, so she buys you the prettiest necklace with her name engraved on it as an apology, and another reminder of who you belong you. 

-Some translations for the Spanish stuff, chica = girl, querida = darling, perra estúpida = stupid bitch, amor = love and "no, no, estás loca por pensar eso, querida" = no, no, you're crazy for thinking that, darling. 

(Also I apologize if anything in Spanish is incorrect, online translators can only get you so far 😕)

Look at me go, writing about a character I don't even like and am not even attracted to because I'm straighter than a wooden ruler 🙃

This was honestly fun to write though! Valeria takes up like 0% of my thinking space, so coming up w/ headcanons for her when I barely remember she exists nor am attracted to her at all was a bit more challenging. Hoping y'all enjoyed this! 

Rudy NSFW headcanons r coming up next, so be sure to lookout for those in the near future 🤭

[diagonal-queen]

Your blog is very safe, me thinks. Very comfort, if that makes sense lol. I have a request, feel free to ignore this but I can't help but to wonder what a few BSD men would be like with a very mature/maternal and responsible s/o who tends to put themsleves last and burn themselves out (preferably fem, as I am an older sister who has taken on the role of caregiver and project HEAVILY) I'd like to see Fyodor, Poe, Ranpo and Jouno. (You can throw in anyone else if you want)

BSD boys with a self-sacrificing girlfriend

♡ pairing: Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Edgar Allan Poe, Ranpo Edogawa, Saigiku Jouno x fem!Reader

♡ synopsis: How are they with a caring and self-sacrificing girlfriend?

♡ cw: Swearing, use of fem titles, she/her pronouns, mentions of stress and burnout.

note: Thank you for the sweet message anon <3 it's truly a shame that you and i are the exact same person who have experienced the exact same burden of raising children we didn't choose to have. but i've moved out now so i'm free!! come live with me queen tf we're besties now. apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fyodor:

Fyodor is a trad man. I'm sure he has some weird beliefs about how women are supposed to have some normalised feminine traits, but this is too much even for him.

It really pains him to see you be so selfless, truly. Though he admires your kindness and patience, he just wants you to be content. He wants you to be comfortable.

Does he enjoy having what is basically a personal maid around? Yes, yes he does. Does he feel guilty for feeling that? No. But does he recognise that your current self-sacrificing routine is unhealthy? YES HE DOES.

So...he simply does not make you do anything at all. If you want to do something for him that's on you.

If you want to do something for someone *else*, he probably won't really let you. Unless it's like family or something, then he understands, but no, you're not helping that random child get their kite unstuck from that tree no matter how much you want to, myshka.

Fyodor absolutely doesn't involve you in his work. He knows that'll only stress you out more, and that's the last thing you need. As such he keeps you away from his coworkers (especially Mykola. Sorry Mykola lovers)

He comes to value his time spent relaxing with you, because he also acknowledges that he could use a break every now and then as well. There's nothing quite as comforting to him as lounging around alongside you- you don't have to be talking or even doing the same thing, as long as you're there together.

Listen, Fyodor does care about you, and he values your health and wants you to be relaxed and uncaring as much as is possible. But if you, his sweet woman, wants to make him a cup of tea, who is he to turn you down?

Poe:

I don't know exactly how to explain Poe here. Just hear me out

He is genuinely so like stressed and anguished about your lack of self-preservation in favour of caring about others. He constantly thinks about it and writes tragic poems about it and shit

Like he's like 'my love......she does not see herself as i do, as a beautiful star....with every act of kindness her light dims ever so slightly...until she's reduced to nothing.........the irony of the good deeds of man..............;-;'

HE'S SO SAD OKAY HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH AND WANTS TO SEE YOU RELAX FOR ONCE

He will go all out in his attempts to make you feel calm and comfortable and happy. Oh he will buy you SO many presents it's disgusting. He will rent out whole restaurants and like even theme parks and shit if that's your thing. He'll stop at no lengths to give you some respite, and it's honestly quite sweet

All that being said, he does love that you're so attentive and caring about Karl. He's definitely watched you play with him and then started blushing super hard because the word 'parents' suddenly crossed his mind and now he's thinking about children and aaaaaa

ABSOLUTELY writes a scenario in which you can relax. Whatever you want- an empty beach, a forest, a liminal space, he'll write it all for you, and gift you the book so you can go there whenever you want :>

He's basically a sugar daddy, except you're in an actual relationship and it's not all about the money. Your boyfriend just happens to be loaded as fuck

At the end of the day, Poe is such a hypocrite because he himself is such a workaholic that he practically lets it consume him, too!

You're both absolute messes. Drink some water and sleep for god's sake. And for the love of all things good take care of each other.

Ranpo:

Bro knows exactly what's up. Sorry, he's got you all figured out fr

That doesn't mean he won't let you baby him though. At first. He'll just let you, along with everyone else, clean up after him and buy him shit

BUT soon, soon he realises that this behaviour is rather detrimental to your health. He sees the circles under your eyes, he notices these things. And he's like '...oh shit'

Ranpo doesn't have any shame or reservations. He straight up confronts you about it. 'Why don't you ever take care of yourself?' And he's not playing around this time

And no matter what your excuse is, he's like 'not good enough. We're going to get ice cream RIGHT NOW and you're going to talk to me about this. Now lead me to the ice cream parlour immediately'

(I may or may not be paraphrasing this particular quote)

The point is that he presents you an avenue to open up about your struggles, stress and psyche. And he really does want to help- the fact that he gets ice cream out of this is just a bonus

From here on out he'll keep an eye out for you. Every time you find yourself getting overworked or burning out he'll make you take a break. This could be a nap or sending you home or a surprise outing- anything to get your mind off work and people.

Ranpo is a stickler for the rules, sure, but he's also lazy as shit. Any time he doesn't feel like working, you're now not allowed to work either. You have to hang out with him or else (he'll be a little sad)

He doesn't necessarily introduce any...permanent solutions to your predicament, but he does have you looking forward to your couples-down time each day, and that's something!

Over time, you do learn to balance yourself and external responsibilities. And he will absolutely be taking credit for it lmao

Jouno:

Jouno is very...self-important, we'll say. Not like, completely selfish or anything, but very much tends to prioritise his own opinions and time and such.

You make him do a complete reassessment and breakdown of all of his thoughts and beliefs he's built up over the course of his lifetime

/j but really, you're unbelievably different from him. You're both willing to put yourself in danger or wear yourselves down, but *you* don't have anatomical medical adjustments that practically make you invincible.

Jouno wants to protect you- and he's not willing to negotiate. He's not letting anyone hurt you, even if on accident. He's especially not willing to let anybody take advantage of your generous nature, which is probably more likely anyway.

He's such a scary dog actually (lol get it?? get it cause he's one of the Hunting Dogs? DO YOU GET IT-) he'll accompany you anywhere if you ask him to.

When he wants to do something for you, he will do it. You're not lifting a finger miss girl

Like he really will take care of you! When he's off work, of course. His job is kind of important, but you best believe you're getting pampered when Jouno is off the clock.

My mans is romantic as FUCK: cooking you nice dinners, reading to you before bed, massages, cuddles- as well as engaging in your interests alongside you of course

He just thinks it's so cute to see you engrossed in something that YOU enjoy, and will encourage your down time

Jouno is gonna make sure that you take care of yourself too, because when he's not around, who better to look after anybody than you? That's the most important thing to him.

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

[wtfsteveharrington]

tequila & strawberry lip gloss / robin buckley x fem!reader (featuring bf steve harrington)

context: listen - steve loves you. he also loves robin. you know what you and robin love? boobies. i fully believe in my heart that bf (boyfriend & best friend) steve harrington would want to see the two ladies he loves getting to have a night of exploration together.

contents: IMPORTANT & LENGTHY (i’d rather over explain than under)- there are zero sexual or physical interactions between robin and steve. zero. robin is into ladies and that stays true here. this is lady on lady smut. just with bonus steve moments. 

that being said here are the interactions:

steve x reader: kissing, dancing/grinding, his assets are mentioned, and he observes the act. some praise thrown in / some teasing energy directed at both but not a focal point.

robin x reader: whew… it got away from me a little bit. kissing, begging, teacher!robin explaining what she likes, praising, nipple play, biting, fingering & oral (both receiving), a little degrading scissoring, overstimulation.

this story also includes mentions of drinking, smoking weed, cursing, all that good stuff. 

author notes: this was a full labor of love and respect. sexualities & exploration is fluid & i just fully believe to my core steve harrington would share. this came purely from my pansexual heart that’s in love with both steve & robin. i have an idea in mind for part two if anyone’s interested

word count: almost 4.4k

part two | part three | part four

You’ve lost track of time since leaving Steve’s house. One minute you’re sharing a way too strong drink with Robin and Steve’s blowing a steady stream of smoke into your mouth.The next thing you know your back is pressed firmly against his chest at Cynthia Prescott’s party while Robin scans the crowd around you. 

Steve’s thigh is between your legs, supporting your body as the two of you lazily “dance” together. All truth being told, he had gotten hard about five minutes ago and was torn between finding some near by closet to absolutely destroy you in and staying on the floor to keep a close eye on Robin. 

Robin who was equally crossed. 

You’re giggling now as Robin grabs your hands, trying desperately to drag you towards the crowd dancing. “C’mon! Unlatch yourself from Steve for just like ten minutes. Two, maybe three songs tops!” 

Steve’s got his eyes closed and head tilted back when you move your ass just right. There’s no way you could leave him now. Not your pretty boy who’s rock hard in his pants. 

“No can do, Robin. Your best friend here has a uhhh — situation at the moment” 

Robin’s gasping when she realizes what you mean, reaching out to smack Steve’s arm. “Dude! So totally not cool!” 

He’s keeping one arm tight around your waist, the other reaching over to give Robin a little shove back. “It’s not like I can help it! I’m in love and a generally horny guy to begin with. Get me high? Zero control over what’s going on down there. You can’t blame a guy.” 

Robin’s pouting now, eyes flickering between the two of you and the crowd dancing. “Yeah well at least you get to be taken care of tonight. I’m high and horny too and I can’t even find someone to make out with, let alone anything else.” 

It slips out before you stop yourself. “I’ll make out with you.” 

Steve’s laughing behind you now, his chest rumbling along your back. Asshole. Robin’s cheeks flush a shade of red you hadn’t seen on her before, her hands anxiously fluttering around her body because she can’t decide where to casually place them now. “Again, not cool. You can’t just joke about kissing around me. I take that shit very seriously. Like, on the list of priorities if you took everything we’ve been through, kissing would still be so high up on the list.” 

You’re opening your mouth to talk but before you have the chance to say anything it’s Steve that speaks first. “She’s not joking, Robin. She thinks you’re hot, has the whole time we’ve been together. I was a little worried about it until, you know, -… Well let’s just say I know she isn’t going anywhere.” It’s taken a few failed attempts at love but he knows he finally found it in you. You were just as whipped as him. Fully satisfied in all aspects that he could satisfy. Robin could just satisfy a different urge unreachable by Steve.

Robin’s eyes are shifting between you both, watching you closely as you lick your lips before giving her a little nod. “I like pretty people who make me laugh. You’re beautiful and you make me laugh. Why wouldn’t I want to kiss you?”

She’s a little hyper focused on you calling her beautiful. Like, kind of really focused on that part of it. Funny? Robin knows she’s funny. Beautiful? Well… It never hurts to hear someone say it, that’s all.

You’re reaching out to lace your fingers with Robin’s and bring her closer to you. “Is that something you’d want, Robin? To make out with me? I probably taste like tequila but my lip gloss is strawberry flavored. I think I’ll taste good.” There’s a groan coming from either side of you now. Both Robin and Steve imagining just what tequila, strawberry, and you taste like. Steve’s head is dipping down to press a wet kiss to your neck. His voice is low but you’re not sure if it’s low enough for just you to hear or if Robin’s even still listening but he just gives a simple, “You always taste good. All of you.” 

Robin’s getting nervous again. Not to kiss you, but because she gets to kiss you. There’s butterflies in the pit of her stomach and she’s thanking the skies above for whatever strain Rick sold Eddie who sold Steve that lead to this moment. “Are you-… Are you sure you’re okay with this? Both of you. Because I’m down and I’m not gonna be weird about it but I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship or your relationship and-“ 

You feel Steve’s head snap up, rolling his eyes at Robin before reaching out to grab her shoulder and bring her close to you. “Just shut up Buckley and kiss her.” 

That’s all the confirmation both of you need. You’re sliding your arms around Robin’s neck, giving a little chuckle as you bump your noses together. “Just let me know if this is too much, okay?” 

Instead of giving a response Robin finally, finally leans in, connecting your lips in a gentle kiss. You’re tightening your arms around her neck and feel Robin’s hands cup your sides right above where Steve has his arms wrapped around you too. All this attention is making you dizzy. 

Her lips are softer than what you’re used to.

Robin’s tongue gently licks between your lips, still a little timid nervous and trying to make sure this is truly okay. You reward her with a soft moan that has Robin pressing her thighs together. Her tongue swirls around yours now that she’s getting more bold and you feel Steve’s fingers dig into your waist at the sight. You slide your tongue along hers, the once dull throbbing between your legs picking up in intensity.

The power you hold in this moment… 

You’re nipping Robin’s bottom lip as she pulls back to get some air. “You’re uh, you’re a really good kisser. Like really good. And that lip gloss? Like such a real strawberry flavor. You’ll have to let me-“ You bring your lips back to Robin’s, effectively cutting off her nervous rambling. She gives an appreciative hum at the interruption and rewards you by sliding your tongues back together. You had wondered what she tastes like before - tonight it was tequila, faintly weed, and the fruit punch she made the three of you stop at the gas station for on your walk to the party. 

“Why don’t get go find somewhere more private for you ladies? It seems we have an audience.” Steve’s voice is snapping you out of the trance that simply is Robin Buckley. You glance over to see that a few people are trying and failing to casually glance over at the spectacle that is the three of you tangled together. 

He takes your hand, lacing your fingers with a little squeeze before linking arms with Robin to lead the two of you down a dark hallway. Steve’s peaking into the rooms while you and Robin trail along before he finally makes a victory whooping sound at finding an empty bedroom. He’s shoving the two of you in, fumbling around with the lock before it finally clicks into place. 

Your hands are back on Robin’s face, thumb stroking over her cheekbones and pulling her into another kiss. She’s got you walking back towards the bed now, her hands slowly sneaking under your shirt. Both of you being careful to make sure you’re not overstepping. Neither of you having any concerns of stopping. 

When the back of your knees hit the bed, you’re pulling your head back to look between Steve and Robin. Neither of them look concerned, upset, worried. In fact, Steve’s just giving you a tender smile. Maybe some part of him knew this was always going to end up happening from the moment he introduced you to Robin and you both ended up a nervous mess. He knew you were curious and didn’t want to be the reason you never got to explore that side of yourself. Who better to trust you with than Robin? Your boyfriend’s stepping up towards you two, cocking an eyebrow at Robin which causes her to blush and lean away from you just enough to give him some space. He’s grabbing your chin, giving you a gentle kiss. And another one. 

“Do whatever you two want. I trust you both. And this one -“ He’s bumping your shoulders together now, giving you one last kiss on your cheek, “- won’t stop talking about boobies. So enjoy Robin’s.” 

Steve steps back with a smile, ruffling Robin’s hair. “Just take care of her, okay? My girl’s needy sometimes and she deserves to be taken care of.” 

Robin’s glancing between the two of you now, grabbing Steve’s arm before he can head back out the door. “Watch.” All three of you look surprised at that. Her hands are letting go of Steve and back under your shirt quickly, fingers just brushing the bottom of your breast. “I mean… If you want to then you can watch. You know, to make sure she’s treated right and comfortable.” 

Listen, he didn’t need to be told twice. Things like this? He’d have to try and steal a porno from the back of Family Video for the night to see two girls like this. The fact that it’s you, the love of his life even if he hasn’t admitted the depth of that love quite yet and his best friend whom he once upon a time also had a crush on? 

Robin wastes no time falling to her knees why Steve panic moves further in the room. Desperately trying to not interrupt the mood but also making sure he doesn’t get kicked out. You’re half focused on him, your silly boyfriend who’s letting you hook up with his best friend so you - “Oh fuck, Robin.” 

You were too caught up in Steve that you didn’t notice Robin’s head going under your dress until she’s kissing you over your panties. “You’re already wet.” Just an observation. You want to make some snarky reply like of course I’m already wet when you feel Robin’s tongue drag over your cloth covered pussy. 

Her hands slide up to grip your ass and suddenly you’re much too worried about what you can’t see anymore. You’re reaching down, gripping at the fabric of your dress in an attempt to rid of it from your body. Once you do? You’re greeted by the sight of Robin looking up at you with playful, inquisitive eyes. “More of a visual learner?”

You just hopelessly nod and use every once of strength to keep your his from rocking against her face. Not wanting to overstep again. “Just appreciating my view.” Robin rewards you with a pinch to your ass that causes you to yelp out. While you’re distracted by the sensation she’s pulling your underwear down your thighs. “Let me focus on taking care of you.”

Robin’s leaning up, instantly burying her face into your wet pussy. No teasing, no taking her time. Maybe part of why she pinched you was because she still can’t quite figure out if this is real. 

Fuck you can hear her licking you out. The smacking sound of her lips as she tries to clean up the mess you’ve made. Your hands lace in Robin’s hair as you give up on the resolve not to rock your hips against her face. 

Between the buzz of the party outside and the buzz leftover from your pregame, your head feels so light. No thoughts. Just Robin pushing her tongue into you as her nails drag across your ass. 

It doesn’t take long for you to learn if you move your hips just, right her nose will bump your clit and - “I’m already close. Why am I close? This can’t be over.” 

To your… Horror? Amusement? Robin’s giggling into your pussy. Giggling. The vibrations against your folds driving you almost as insane as the fact that she’s giggling into you. “Do you wanna come on my tongue, pretty girl? Hmm? Let your boyfriend watch you come for me?” 

Everything’s going right through that empty head of yours and straight to your clit. It’s as if she can read your mind because one of her hands is going from your ass and right between your thighs. She’s rubbing her thumb in circles over the sensitive bundle, pressing a kiss over your folds before dragging her tongue back down to dip into your hole. 

It truly doesn’t take long for you to feel the tension building up in your stomach… Much quicker than you’d like to admit. One hand stays in Robin’s hair while the other slides up your body to tease your own nipple, rolling it between your fingers at the same time Robin rolls your clit between her fingers. You’re short circuiting. 

You could yell out that you’re close but she knows. She feels the way your knees are starting to shake, getting weaker. Your breathing is more shallow and the once steady motion of your hips against her face has become broken twitches. 

Robin gives your ass a firm squeeze, licking out your pussy for all that she’s worth. Every time you feel yourself clench just to be met by her tongue you’re on cloud nine. 

Then, still so much sooner than you want, you tense up. Nothing more than a gasp and her name falling from your lips as your climax finds you. 

Normally people back off when you finish. Not Robin. Her tongue moves softer now, just little kitten licks in lieu of the full out lapping she just gave you. You’re a whimpering mess. A little pathetic in all honesty. You black out for a second, just letting the waves of your orgasm run your body.  

You’re being dragged onto the bed by Robin who’s managing to stumble out of her own clothes during your comedown phase. Once again not wanting to waste time. She’s pulling your body on top of her, seeking out your lips for a series of lazy kisses.

“Teach me.” Robin’s raising her eyebrows at your words, her thighs clamped tightly together and holy shit she’s dripping without even being touched. “I wanna make you feel good, Robin. Tell me how.” 

She‘s getting too flustered. Like she’s in a dream and any second her alarms going to go off. 

But you’re real. 

And you’re on your knees between her legs. 

You’re probably still wet for her. All she can think about is the cool air hitting your wet pussy and if it makes you miss her. 

None of that comes out though. Nope. All you’re getting is just, “Holy shit. You’re so fucking hot.” Which has you giggling as you slide your arms under Robin’s thighs. You’re pulling her hips closer to your face, kissing a line down her inner thighs. “You have such a pretty pussy, Robin. Let me try to make you feel good.”

You dip your head down, lining your tongue up with the base of her hole before flatting it out to lick up between her folds and letting your tongue flick against her clit. Robin is, truly, a mess. Withering against the bed and gripping the sheets. 

This whole time? Steve’s watching the two of you through hooded eyes, trying to burn this image into his head. The back of house pornos will never hold up. He’s not wanting to disrupt too much because holy shit it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. He can’t help but give a little - “C’mon Buckley, tell our girl how good she’s doing. She likes it if you’re loud…” 

Our girl. No one will ever know who that turned on more. You’re trying your hardest to remember exactly what Robin did to you, but every ounce you lack in skill you make up for in enthusiasm. Your brain just nonstop trying to walk you through this. (Okay now flick your tongue over her clit. Not too much! Pull back and drag the tip of your tongue across her folds. You’re getting this.) Remember when Steve mentioned the praise thing? Yeah, he wasn’t lying. So when Robin finally, finally gets vocal? All the motivation you need. “You’re doing so fucking good. You’re -… Fuck it, you not a good girl, are you? No, girls who eat pussy like this are good little sluts. Is that what you are, Baby? A good slut?” 

Now you know for sure that before she was still trying to tip toe this invisible line she’s worried about crossing with the two of you. 

Like there was anything left. 

“Can you - Oh fuckin’ hell- No, no that’s already so good.” Robin’s holding the back of your head in place, tilting her hips so your lips are directly on her clit. “Kiss me there. Again. Good girl. You’re liking this, aren’t you? Now wrap your lips around my clit and use your tongue to -“ She’s cut off with a gasp as you do exactly what you’re told. Your tongue flicking over her clit while your lips stay wrapped around it. It takes you a minute to figure out how much pressure to put on her clit, but Robin doesn’t mind laying there while you figure it out. 

You pull a few inches away to catch your breath and the sight of you with a wet chin and glossy lips makes Robin’s clench around nothing. Absolutely nothing. She’s going a little crazy. You’re looking up at her now with the most innocent smile you can muster. “I like being a slut for you, Robin.” You’re trying to make sure she feels comfortable. All you want is for Robin Buckley to fall apart and you be the one to both catch her and put her back together again. One of your hands leaves the death grip you had on her hips, sliding down her sensitive skin to bring a finger between her folds. You watch her carefully before gently pressing your finger into her pussy. “Look at how fucking beautiful you are.” 

Beautiful. There’s that word again. Robin’s going to go fucking crazy and quick. You duck your head back down and go right to sucking on her clit while slipping another finger in. Rotating your hand palm side up and dragging your fingers along her walls.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Please don’t stop. You’re such a good girl, aren’t you? Please, Baby. I’m gonna - Holy shit.” Robin’s thighs tighten around your face, one of her hands coming down to grab the back of your head while the other one clamps down around your wrist. You’re greedy now, licking her out through her orgasm. She’s whimpering now, squeezing your wrist while her thighs shake. “Sensitive, so sensitive.” 

You allow yourself one more flat tongue lick from the base of her pussy all the way above her clit. Robin’s hips jolt up from the pressure, more soft whimpers falling from her lips. 

This is the first time you get to see her, like really see her. Hair a mess and covering the pillow under her head. Her nipples still hard from the cold air. Thighs are slick and covered with bruises yet to fully form that you’ve left. 

You’re smirking, clearly proud of yourself. Sure, maybe it wasn’t the best head in the world but no one was complaining. In fact, Robin wouldn’t complain about you using her to get better again. Not at all. You crawl on top of her, kissing a trail from between her thighs, up her stomach, a kiss to both nipples, before finally kissing her lips. Robin’s already broken or else the fact that she can taste herself on you would send her into orbit. She brings one of her legs around your waist, adjusting the two of you until one of your knees is next to her hip and the other knee is pressing in behind her thigh. She’s got a firm hand on your lower back now, the kissing between both of you becoming a little more sloppy. “Too sensitive for much, but I want you to feel.” If this is the only time you ever sleep with a girl, she wants you to have this experience. 

Which, by the way, if it is the last time you’re ever with a girl then Robin’s quite sad this will never happen again. If it isn’t your last time as a whole but you’re last time with Robin, she’s jealous of whoever else gets to see you like this. Fuck whatever other girl you or may not sleep with. 

You wrap your arms around her leg, gasping the second you feel her pussy press up against yours. She’s welcoming the distraction from mentally fighting whatever future bimbo gets this version of you. “Oh fuck, Robin.” All you can do is rock yourself down against her, your hands digging into the soft, fatty part of her thigh. You’re using this grip to bring her leg over your shoulder, a mixture of gasps and moans leaving you two as the new angle let’s one another feel whats going on better. You turn your head to the side and on instinct bite down on her ankle. Not too harsh, just enough pressure. She’s going to have bruises tomorrow… You both will. 

Both of you are sensitive and over stimulated, so it’s just a couple of minutes of grinding against one another. The room is filled with nothing more than the sound of you two rubbing together, just so wet and slick. Your mouth is watering at the idea of licking both of you off of her. The only other sound is one of you gasping when your clit gets rubbed just right. You lick over the spot of Robin’s leg you’ve been biting at. 

You weren’t planning on coming again. But the pressure in your clit? It’s almost too much to bare. Your hips were moving with grace but they’ve lost every ounce of rhythm. The pressure’s building up in your stomach and you could practically tear up with how many sensations your body is going through. 

Robin’s nails start to dig into your skin, her head thrown back and you’re convinced one of the most beautiful sounds on Earth is your name coming from Robin’s lips. Her back’s arched up off the bed, her tits moving in time with your motions. 

In all honesty? Your body takes over and before you realize it your hips are staling as a second orgasm over powers you. Robin’s hips buck up at the sight of you coming against her. “Look at how fucking stunning you are.” 

Sure, the bedroom was getting a little too hot for your preference, but nothing compared to the heat in your cheeks when Robin compliments you. Your nails drag down her leg and you make eye contact as your hand sneaks inbetween the two of you. “Will you come for me, Robin? One more time? I’ve been so good, right? Show me how good I’ve done tonight and let me see you come for me.” 

It doesn’t take much convincing. Robin’s once again a puddle of moans and crying out your name. Your pointer finger dips into her pussy and it’s almost pathetic insane how wet the two of you were. While using your thumb to tease her clit, you slide your middle finger into her pussy as well. 

Then you feel her clench around you. “Holy fuck, Robin.” She’s gripping whatever inch of your skin she can, her whole body twitching under you as her orgasm wrecks her body. 

You give her a moment to come down before adjusting your position. Your legs untangling from one another as you lean in to press a few firm kisses to her lips. “Thank you for doing this with me… It was, truly, amazing.” 

Robin’s wrapping her arms tight around you, giving a breathless laugh. “Thank you? You are so, so very welcome.” She’s smiling at you, pushing your hair off of your face. “We kinda messed up your make up.” Which has you both a giggling mess. You lean in to give her another kiss, letting the two of you stay close together while you both let the night soak in. 

After a few minutes of just soaking up Robin, you finally start to untangle yourself from her. Surely whoever this bedroom belongs to is going to want it back and soon. Your feet hit the cold ground but your body still isn’t quite ready to stand up yet. Across the room? You guessed it. Steve. 

Who’s still entranced by the situation. 

You’re greeted by the sight of your boyfriend, hands pulling through his hair and a soft cock in his lap. He notices you honing directly in on the fact that he’s soft. “Uh, I like totally came on myself maybe… Twenty minutes ago? At least? Honestly you were only about five minutes in when -“ He’s imitating an explosion sound and waving his hands around his dick. You and Robin can’t help looking back at each other and laughing. “Yeah, yeah, I would say fuck you two but since that’s already out of the way…”

He’s flustered at getting “caught” before springing into his typical caring boyfriend and best friend mode. Whoever this bedroom belongs to thankfully has an en suite bathroom that he’s stepping into, returning a few moments later with a hopefully clean hand towel. You and Robin gently clean one another up while Steve hunts down the clothing thrown around the room. 

When all three of you tumble out of the bedroom together, there’s still a few eyes that are honed in. Girls ready to gossip about what who Steve Harrington’s into, boys giving Steve a proud smirk and winking at you linking arms with Robin. The two of you just roll your eyes while Steve steps up closer to put a hand on the small of both of your backs. “Alright, let’s navigate this sea of creeps and get the hell out of here.”

[thursdayinspace]

So much to say about the Duane Barry episodes and Scully's abduction, but mostly I find it amazing how much relationship development they managed to pack into a handful of episodes that Scully is barely in at all. It's already set up nicely: the hostage negotiation, Mulder being frustrated because first he's asked to help and then has to find out they're withholding information from him. Once again, he's not being taken seriously; he has to turn to Scully again even though they're not even partners anymore. He still relies on her, she's still the only one he can really trust. She comes all the way out there with the information she digs up when she can't reach him. She talks into his ear to help him resolve the situation. Afterwards, when they find that implant in Duane Barry, they try to figure that out together as well. As we've seen throughout all the episodes before, they fall back into their partnership easily, like it's the most natural thing in the world for them. And then she's abducted and everything falls apart. That's where it really picks up and it becomes clear that everything up to this point has been little more than a (very well done and important) prologue.

Mulder's silence at the beginning of "Ascension" is almost frightening. It's certainly intense. Somewhere between withdrawn and hyperfocused, with a good dose of fear mixed in. He tells Scully's mother that she's not in her apartment, and after that we don't hear him speak again until a good way into the conversation in Skinner's office the next morning, a good five minutes into the episode even though he's in every scene before then. And when he barely puts up a fight when Skinner tells him to go home, you know he's going rogue. He does not trust them to find Scully, and he certainly can't sit and wait while she's out there with Duane Barry.

He pushes himself beyond his limits, almost falling asleep at the wheel but refusing to let Krycek drive -- he doesn't give up the tiniest sliver of control. When the tram operator won't let them take the tram up the mountain, Mulder has no problem showing him his gun. He pushes the tram beyond safety limits. Does his acrobatics out in the open who knows how high up in the air -- risking his life -- after Krycek stops the tram.

And holy shit the way he loses it when he spots Scully's blood and hair on Duane Barry's hospital band is truly scary, I don't think we've ever seen him that angry before. But on second thought, maybe angry is the wrong word. He's acting out of fear and panic. I don't think even an angry Mulder would choke anyone. He isn't thinking straight anymore, his responses are almost primal at this point. He hasn't slept, he's running on adrenaline, he's no closer to finding Scully and now he knows she's injured.

Finding out about Krycek, Skinner reopening the x files . . . it all seems almost secondary. Not as important as his meeting with Scully's mother and her telling him to keep the cross necklace. He didn't have anyone this entire time to lean on or to talk to. And he still doesn't, but this is the closest he gets. He and Scully's mom are in similar places. For them, this is personal. I love that they're bonding over this, over their love for Scully and their worry about her. (Whatever meaning you want to read into the word "love" between Mulder and Scully at this point.)

The beginning of "One Breath" is so intense, Mulder running into that room in the hospital to find her lying there unconscious, hooked up to a respirator. Anger fueled by blind panic. "Who brought her here?" "How did she get here?" "Who did this to her?" "Listen, if you’re hiding anything, I swear, I will do anything, whatever it takes, I will find out what they did to her!" I love the scene and I absolutely love the way it's acted, big thumbs up to DD. Getting her back could have been the emotional release of that arc, but she comes back in a coma. It spikes the angst to a whole new level. Before, he didn't know whether she was okay or not, he could hold onto hope. Now he knows she's not okay. Getting her back does not let him finally sit down and take a deep breath and process any of it. Nothing is resolved, the fight is just taken elsewhere.

I just want to take a second to think about the fact that he sigend her living will as her witness. That is. A very intimate thing to do. And that moment needs to get the credit it deserves. Knowing that they have talked about the event of her being unable to decide for herself, knowing she let him in, let him sign it, and the fact that he did it? That is a huge HUGE thing.

What is really intriguing is that Mulder and Melissa clash in the way they do, because you'd expect them to get along. I wonder if they would have gotten along better had they met under different circumstances. But here, Mulder is in a very different place. He tends to go to extremes when the stakes are high, his single-minded focus in this moment doesn't allow for anything but action. He still believes he can do something. He doesn't even go in with them when they decide to pull the plug -- he refuses to accept a reality where she dies. We see that again in the cancer arc, where he tells her as much when she tells him her cancer is untreatable.

If anyone would go to the trouble of putting together a list of the top ten most heartbreaking moments from the entire show, Mulder's visit to CSM and the way his voice breaks when he asks "Why her?" would have to be on it. "Why her and not me?" It's the way he says it, but it's also what's in that question that makes it so heartbreaking. Because that's what it all boils down to. He feels guilty. He asked in the hospital "Who did this to her?" And throughout these episodes, in his head, he has always considered that person to be himself. He did this to her. Something we get to hear again and again all the way into the revival when he tells her he wishes she'd left that basement earlier so she'd have been spared from all the things that happened to her. He feels responsible.

(Just a short digression: He is not responsible. I feel like that's a very important thing to remember. Something her brother should have been told in the cancer arc too. Holding Mulder responsible robs Scully of all agency and makes her nothing more than a loyal puppy. But unpacking Bill Jr.'s implicit misogyny, and why the way Mulder feels responisble for everything is not the same thing, that is for another post. If anyone has thoughts on that though, I'd love to hear them.)

A real Mulder moment is him choosing not to take revenge on the men responsible for Scully's abduction, after X pretty much hand-delivers them to him on a silver tray, but rather to go to the hospital after Melissa tells him it might be his last chance, that Scully is dying. He will choose Scully over everything every time. Sitting at her bedside, taking her hand, the way he speaks to her -- it becomes clear how deep the feelings go but also how fragile and undefined it all is between them. They're friends, they're partners, they've flirted, they've told each other some of their deepest secrets, and he has no idea how to be around her now. "I don’t know if my being here . . . will help bring you back. But I’m here." His pause there before "will help bring you back" kills me. He honestly has no idea. He can hope, but he just doesn't know if he'd be a contributing factor in her decision to come back or move on, if she even hears him, if it's even in her control. (I've always wondered when he says in the revival that he invented wishing someone back to life when she was in the hospital, whether he was talking about her cancer or about this moment, or maybe both.)

He gets his breakdown once he comes back home to his destroyed apartment. Sliding down the wall crying -- such a moment. There's no anger in that anymore. No action. He expects to be losing her at that point and all the fight has left him. Until he gets the phone call that she's okay.

Could the episode have benefited from a slightly longer scene at the end? Maybe. It seems a bit anticlimactic, after all he's been through, that he walks into her room, gives her that silly tape (such a Mulder thing to do), hands her the cross necklace back, and that's pretty much it. On the other hand, considering the scene by her bedside before, maybe it fits. He doesn't know where he stands with her, and she's with her family.

I do think the ending is a bit abrupt, but that can easily be forgiven with all that those episodes provided before that. If anyone can see more in that ending than I do, I'd love to hear it because I really don't quite know what to make of it. But they seriously sent Mulder on a journey there, and it worked. And it sets so many things in motion, for the plot and for their relationship.

[thesoftestirises]

playing with fire

♡ pairing : aemond x reader ♡ rating : 18+ - aemond says some shit that is absolutely unacceptable ♡ word count : 2.3k ♡ warnings: violence, talks of d wording and k wording, stockholm syndrome, threatening the people you love, choking, dubcon (how can someone really consent in an environment like this?) ♡ summary : To most of Westeros, you are the dangerous leader of an antimonarchist  rebellion. To Prince Aemond, you are both the bane of his existence and  the object of all his desires. ♡ an : join my taglist for this miniseries! this part can be read as a standalone, but it is a continuation of my fic raise your weapon

You awoke to a raging headache, courtesy of your kidnappers’ heavy handed methods of knocking you out.

You struggled against the twine binding your wrists and ankles uselessly and tried to keep your breathing even. Panicking would make you more useless. You couldn’t see anything through the burlap sack they had tossed over your head, but you felt the hay lined cart you were sitting in rattle. It was hard to tell what direction you were heading in, but you hoped it wasn’t the lake. You paused, furrowing your brows and listening for the sound of frogs. When you instead heard the slow beating of what could only be a dragon’s wings, you realized that you probably had better chances with the lake than where you were actually headed.

“Raynard, I understand we have had our differences, but surely there has to be a better answer than betraying us to the enemy,” you said, keeping your voice carefully neutral.

“How’d she know it was us?”

The sound of skin on skin and a soft pained noise rang out. “Shut up! Have you no sense?”

You sighed. At least everyone who was involved in this disgraceful act were people you would have expected. No surprises, other than the fact they had the gonads to go through with it. “Anthony and Samuel, you got wrapped up in this too? I thought we had no quarrel?”

“We don’t,” Samuel said, his voice quiet and unsure. “But Raynard said we could save our families and possibly the whole village if we gave you up.”

“And you believe him?”

The night air grew cold and silent. Your nose was filled with the scent of damp fabric and hay, but if you really focused and knew what you were looking for, you could smell a fire. You didn’t have long. “Men, we are on the verge of a breakthrough. A proper revolution! This isn’t about the comfort of the present, it’s for your sons and your sons’ sons-“

“Silence, witch. Your silver tongue has burned half the village to the ground and forced us to live like dogs. We’ve had enough of your revolution,” another voice, cool as steel, sharp as a knife, snapped. Raynard. “I would have sliced that throat open myself, but for some reason Prince Aemond wanted you alive.”

“Probably has some other ideas for her throat.”

You shivered in fear and revulsion as the three men cackled. You knew that the second prince, also known as the current leader of the City Watch, had a strange fascination with you ever since you first narrowly evaded his capture by using less than orthodox means. Since then, he’d developed a fixation on you, chasing you across half the seven kingdoms for the better part of two years.

At times he had gotten frighteningly close, but you had always managed to slip away before he could do more than slap a pair of cuffs on you. He had grown more agitated and aggressive with each attempt, even placing a bounty on your head for anyone who delivered you to him alive by the end of the first year. You had always expected to meet your end by his blade, but you hadn’t expected it to go down like this.

The cart halted and you scrambled to try and toss yourself off the cart, only to trip over the fabric of your skirts. A pair of hands caught you and tossed your body over their shoulder. You grunted and attempted to beat them with your bound hands, but there was only so much you could do.

“Let go of me!” You shouted. “Put me down, Raynard! You’ll regret this!”

“I doubt he will, little fox. He’s about to receive wealth beyond his wildest dreams.”

You froze, immediately tense. You would know that too-melodic, overly saccharine voice anywhere. It haunted you in your dreams and rang out in your ears when you were all alone.

“Set her down,” Prince Aemond commanded.

Whoever was holding you unceremoniously dropped you on the ground and ripped the sack off your face. You winced at the light flooding your eyes and looked around. There were dozens of neat rows of tents in front of you and behind you, but only three people stood before you. Two of them seemed to be unremarkable foot soldiers, but the figure in the center was anything but.

Standing before you, Prince Aemond cut quite the image of a conqueror. Tall, pale, and hauntingly handsome. It appeared he had seen this moment fit to bring out his traditional Targaryen armor. Under the silver glow of the autumn moon, both his hair and armor seemed to shine. He had chosen to leave his eyepatch off for added effect, you assumed, as his false sapphire eye twinkled at you.

“Prince Aemond Targaryen,” you said as you set your mouth into an irritated frown. No one could know how scared you actually were. You couldn’t give them that kind of satisfaction. The last thing you wanted was for rumors to spread of you sniveling like a coward when you came to meet your death. That would only ensure your cause died with you. “To what do I owe the misfortune?”

His lips curved upwards in a wolfish smile. “I told you I’d get you eventually, did I not?”

“Well, I’d hardly say you got me. You paid someone else off.”

“Incredible. You’re at my mercy and you have the audacity to talk back like you’ve got the upper hand.” He laughed in disbelief and shook his head. “Though I suppose that’s all you have. Nerve and a way with words. It’s remarkable how long you’ve managed to elude me, Miss Y/N.”

“It’s not that remarkable when you consider how you lot all have sawdust for brains. They must knock all the sense out of you during training.”

“Any one of my men would have more sense than you and your entire crew combined. You’ve gotten by on sheer dumb luck.”

“We’ve gotten by on divine providence,” you said, tilting your head upwards in a purposefully arrogant fashion. You could see the patience in Prince Aemond’s gaze beginning to wear thin. Good. At least you could die doing what you loved, making the rich and powerful angry.

“And that’s why you’re kneeling before me now?” He asked, raising a single brow.

“I’m kneeling before you now because these three men have as much honor as you do and do not understand that there has always been a price to pay for freedom. But my cause won’t die with me, your highness. The people are tired of the tyranny of the crown. Why should they have to give up their lives for your privileged and petty squabbles? What sense is there in us working if half of what we produce goes to people who have never lifted a finger in their lives?” You insisted, giving Aemond an earnest look.

Prince Aemond furrowed his brows and slowly stepped closer to you. You watched as the shadows moved over his face, darkening his eyelashes and sharpening his cheekbones. You swallowed and winced as he crouched in front of you, roughly pulling your chin into his ice cold fingertips. His gaze slowly crossed over every inch of your face, examining you as if you were a battlefield to be surveyed and not a person.

“You fascinate me,” he said, his voice quiet as his eye locked back on yours. “You’re not particularly beautiful, you have no formal education, and you don’t have a cent to your name. Why does anyone follow you?”

“You should ask yourself that. You’ve been chasing me too, haven’t you? Still upset about our first meeting?”

“That was a regrettable moment of weakness on my part, which will never happen again,” he said firmly. He moved his hand to your cheek, stroking his knuckles over your skin. You gave him a wary look but held your tongue. Prince Aemond and all these men wanted to exert power over you. You couldn’t let them have it. “But I have you now.”

“Is it all you’ve been dreaming of, my prince?”

“Close, but not quite,” he said, that sharp grin returning to his face. You cringed and curled in on yourself as he let go of your face to drag you up by your wrists. “Escort these men to Ser Cole so they can receive their payment. I’ll be getting our slippery little friend acquainted with her new living quarters.”

Prince Aemond didn’t wait for a response, picking you up by your waist and slinging you over his shoulder. You were tired of being carried around like a sack of potatoes but didn’t protest. It would just be a waste of your energy. You watched as the prince’s men led Raynard away, Anthony and Samuel continuously looking back at you. You smiled to yourself. At least your legacy was secured.

Prince Aemond halted in front of a large tent, carefully moving the opening so the canvas didn’t hit you as he brought you inside and set you down on an uncomfortable wooden stool. You noted the expensive trinkets and the tables stacked with toy soldiers and parchment paper. It was obvious who owned the tent and what its purpose was, but the only question was why you were there. Did Aemond like to keep his prisoners where he could watch them the night before executing them? You stiffened and turned your gaze over to your side where the prince had begun stripping off his armor.

“I suppose you’d like to know what I plan to do with you,” he said, tossing his vambraces onto the table.

You remained silent, eyeing him warily. It was obvious what he was to do with you. Did it truly need to be spoken?

But then, he surprised you.

“I won’t be executing you.”

“What?”

Aemond chuckled, loosening the buckles around the shoulder pieces of his armor. “I have no intentions of making you a martyr. I will destroy you and your rebellion, and you will be alive to watch.”

“And how do you intend to do that?” You asked. “It is too late. The people sing of freedom. Holding me prisoner will change nothing.”

“That is true. Holding you prisoner would do as much for me as killing you would. But their tune will change once you are discredited and you become what they hate most,” Aemond said, taking a small pause before continuing. “Royalty.”

“No,” you said, furrowing your brows and shaking your head. “That is not possible. You cannot do that-“

“I can, my little fox. The king has agreed to it already. The ceremony will be in ten days time. A little rushed, perhaps, but rest assured, our wedding will be opulent and spoken about for years to come.”

“Is this not also punishment for you?” You tried, sweetening your voice and taking on a tone of false concern. “I mean, certainly there are more advantageous matches with prettier maidens.”

“Punishment? It was my idea,” he said, leaning forward and cupping your jaws with his cold, delicate fingers. “Can I tell you a secret? I’ve been dreaming of you since the day we first met. That day you kissed me, stole my sword, and ran away from me. I remember it vividly. I stroke my cock to it nightly.”

“You’re insane-“

“Every day and every night, I reminisced about the feeling of your soft lips, your supple skin, the lavender scent in your hair. I contemplated what I would do with you when you were finally caught. I thought about how I would cut your clothes off your body. How you would look when you were as bare before me as you were on your nameday. I admit I was a man obsessed,” You shivered as Aemond fingers wandered from your jaw to your throat, lightly brushing over the pulsing veins there. “I allowed my mind to wander.”

“So that’s it, then?” You spat, your mouth set in a disgusted grimace. “You intend to defile me? All this chase was for the purpose of you wetting your cock in the most unwilling person you could find?”

At that, Aemond’s lips curled upwards and a small huff of laughter escaped. “No, I am not my brother. That would only be too easy and would provide little pleasure.”

“Then? How do you intend to bed me if not by force?”

“You will give yourself to me,” Aemond answered, his voice soft and his tone matter of fact. “Willingly.”

Your jaw dropped. “Are you mad? Why in the seven hells would I do that?”

“You’ll see.”

“I’ll be seeing about as much as that sapphire eye of yours.”

At that, Aemond pressed down on the sides of your neck, effectively cutting off your blood flow. You gasped and stood from the stool, wrapping your hand around his wrist and struggling fruitlessly to pull him away as your vision began to blur and your mind became hazier. He dragged you ever closer to him, until you were practically able to feel his chest rising and falling with each breath.

“I won’t force you to preform your marital duties, but that doesn’t mean I will tolerate disrespect, sweetling,” Aemond said, his words practically spoken against your lips. “I can and will destroy you.”

Despite yourself, you let a laugh slip past your teeth. “You may dishonor me and defile me, but you will never destroy me.”

Aemond’s sole pale blue eye twinkled. “I do look forward to the challenge.”

[honoviadakai]

Rating the Hazbin crew based on how well they’ll take care of you when you’re sick 🤒

Charlie🎶🏨:

8/10

So letting Charlie know you’re sick might actually be a bigger health concern for her than it is for you

She’s gonna act like you’re dying

She legitimately might make Razzle and Dazzle plan for a funeral

You are now gonna be on house arrest

No

Scratch that

You’re on bed arrest!

No getting up under any circumstances! 😤

She’s wait on you hand and foot till you’re 1000% better

She’s gonna be overbearing but in her defense, she REALLY doesn’t want you to suffer/die so please just bare with her

She just wants you to recover asap ;3;

Vaggie🗡️🦋:

7/10

Ok so on one hand…her chicken soup is pretty good

On the other hand…she’s a very “tough love” kinda gal to anyone who isn’t named Charlie Morningstar

It dose not help that she’s canonically Latina…

All my fellow Latinos know, if you get sick…you get the vaporub

And that is probably something Vaggie still firmly believes in

“Just rub some raporub on your chest and nose and walk it off, you’ll be good in no time!”

Said every Latino parent in history….

She’s probably never had to take care of many sick people in her human life, let alone her afterlife in hell

Cut her a bit of slack and just use the vaporub, she’s trying damn it!

Alastor🦌📻:

-12/10

N O

WHY WOULD YOU EVER COME TO THIS MAN FOR MEDICAL HELP!?!

Do you have a death wish or something!?

Best case scenario, he’ll help you but your soul is gonna be on the line for a while!

Worst case scenario, he’s just gonna let you suffer

And I don’t mean that he’s just gonna leave you to sleep in your room

No no no, that too boring

He’s gonna make sure no one else in the hotel knows of your predicament and he’s gonna watch you struggle and laugh at your misery…

For the love of all that is good in the universe…don’t let him know you’re sick…ever.

Angel Dust🕷️💕:

6/10

Ok

Listen…he’s not the worst option….but you do have better options

The problem asking Angel to help you when you’re sick is that you’re sick…

You’re gross…he doesn’t want not on his fluff

But if y’all are very close…

Like besties or lovers? That changes the game

He’ll cuddle you, no questions asked

So it really depends on who you are to him how much effort he’s gonna put in

He’s also kinda forgetful

For example, if you ask him for a cup of tea, he’ll absolutely go brew a cup for you

But you better pray that nothing and no one distracts him!

Cuz otherwise just forget about having hot tea or tea in general…

He’s pretty shit at remembering to take medication at certain times too so I’d set multiple reminders

Even then…might not help much…

He is a pretty good cook though so rest assured, you will be very well fed during your recovery period

Husk🐈‍⬛🥃:

10/10

Will this crusty old man complain about having to help you? Yes.

Will he bitch and moan every time you ask him for another cup of tea? Absolutely.

Will he curse under his breath while holding your hair back as you puke your brains out for the 10th time in the past 24 hours? Without question.

But he’s still fucking helping you

He can say whatever the hell he wants, he’s waiting on you hand and foot till you’re better of his own volition

He’s out here making some of the best damn soup you’ve ever had he’s gonna make sure you finish every last spoonful god damn it!

If you gotta take medication on a schedule, best believe he’s setting multiple timers

You’re also taking all the naps you need, no arguments! 😤

If you ask, he will cuddle you, but he will make you swear on your mother’s grave that you won’t tell a soul he did that for you

He’d rather chop his arms off than admit this, but he is genuinely worried for you and just wants you to recover

You did not hear that from me though 🤐

Niffty🪡🐞:

5/10

Oh she makes some of the best soup! 🥣

Her home cooked meals are delicious

Honestly the best part of having Niffty taking care of you is just how well fed you’re gonna be 🥰

But this is Nifty we’re talking about…

So she’s gonna be….Nifty….

She’s gonna hover uncomfortably close to the bed while you rest…

Just…watching you…

She’s not even trying to be creepy or anything

She’s just making sure you’re ok

But like…she’s starting a little too intensely at you…not blinking even once…

She’s just waiting to see if you want tea or something tbh

She just forgot you’re supposed to blink

She’ll also just watch you sleep

Not sure why…she just does

If she’s feeling ✨spicy✨…she miiight give you some questionable medicine…

Like, medicine she found in Alastor’s room….

Please get an actual doctor 🙏

Sir Pentious🐍🥚:

2/10

No

Just…no

Get an actual doctor

Please!

He means well

He really does!

But this man died in the Victorian era!

Don’t let a man with medical knowledge form the Victorian era help you!

He will use leeches on you!

And that’s the best case scenario for you!

And for the love of all that is good in the world, do NOT let the egg boys help!

They all share a brain cell between them and I don’t think any of them is ever fully away of where it is at any given moment

They’re likely to take one look at you and think the best way to reduce your fever is to stick you in an ice bath…for hours….

Go to an actual doctor if you wanna keep your ability to breathe. Please.🙏

[gaypiece]

OP + how they take care of u on a bad mental health day

tbh this is mostly for me bc i been going thru it and i need law cuddles yesterday

☁︎ Ft. Zoro, Sanji, Nami, Luffy, Law, & Robin

☁︎ CW: slightly suggestive, mdni

Zoro:

Not a man of many words

Will give you space if he thinks that’s what you need

Will make sure you’re taking care of yourself, but tries to act casual about it (randomly asking when was the last time you ate/drank water etc)

If you just want to rest/stay in bed, but want the company, he will gladly sit with you. May even nap next to you will nap with you if you ask him nicely

If you need a distraction, he will try to get you to train with him, plus the exercise will release extra endorphins

Might suggest another form of exercise if you’re a couple ;)

Sanji:

Will make you all of your favorite comfort foods (I think this one is a given)

Might encourage you to hang out with him in the kitchen if you’ve been in bed all day (and may try to teach you a thing or two if you need a distraction)

Will bring you water unprompted

Encourages you to talk about what’s bothering you, is understanding if you don’t want to

Will absolutely hold you if you need it

If you’re a couple, will kiss you all over and incessantly remind you of how much he loves you and how beautiful and strong you are 🥹

Nami:

Will ask who hurt you so she can kill them

Babies the fuck out of you

Orders Sanji to bring you whatever food/drinks you want (he probably would have done it anyway, but Nami wants to make sure you’re taken care of)

If you’re stopped at an island, will offer to take you shopping and get you anything you want, her treat. Will also 100% play dress up in whatever clothing stores until the two of you get kicked out

May also get you a cute little gift that she will surprise you with once you get back to the Sunny 🥹

Teams up with Usopp to start shit between Zoro and Sanji bc you think it’s so funny when they bicker

Will cuddle the shit out of you, but makes sure you’re showered first esp if you struggle to take care of yourself on a bad day

Will offer to help you shower if you’re a couple ;)

Luffy:

Asks you what’s wrong. If you don’t want to talk about it, will beg you to tell him because he wants to help. If nothing is really wrong, and it’s just a bad day, he doesn’t really understand, but will still try to make you feel better

Honestly doesn’t really understand mental illness, but doesn’t like seeing you sad

Does anything and everything in his power to make you laugh

If he thinks you need a hug, will wrap his limbs around you as many times as possible and squeeze definitely a little too hard

Law:

100% understands that mental health is just as important as physical health, and will treat you as if you’re physically ill (but not contagious)

Encourages you to talk about what’s bothering you, is understanding if you don’t want to talk about it

Constantly in doctor mode, making sure you’re eating, drinking water, taking care of yourself, etc

Will surface the Polar Tang just so you can get out to the deck and get some sunlight

If you need company, he will absolutely sit with you, even if it’s just in silence. If he’s too busy, he will get Penguin and Shachi and/or others to spend time with you.

Might ask Bepo to give you cuddles if you need it

If you two are close, may cuddle you himself

If you’re a couple, will remind you of how much you mean to him, even though words are difficult for him

Might also show you what you mean to him ;) he’s more than happy to distract you

Robin:

Definitely the gentlest one on this list

Will listen better than anyone, and is understanding

Validates your feelings and may relate to them

Makes you a cup of tea

Gives cuddles, finds it cute if you fall asleep on her

Mommy Robin’s chest and thighs are the best pillows

If you’re a couple, funny business probably isn’t on the forefront of her mind but she is 100% down if you initiate it

[ptsdangeldust]

tw rape / abuse / suicidal ideation / self harm

can i just fucking say that the "poison" scene was just fucking flawless to me. as a survivor of rape and psychological abuse it was so fucking hard to watch and hit on every note i wanted it to. the suicidal ideation, the self destruction, the pain, the torment, the addiction, the hopelessness, everything.

[this got long LOL big analysis of ep4 basically]

also it's a little funny how easily i called it when the pilot came out that angel was gonna have ptsd and cope with it through hypersexuality . like this was obvious from the start to me and they do telegraph / foreshadow it from the first episode pretty well in my opinion. like ALMOST too much. but at the same time i'm kind of glad. like that's what i like about the show is that it *is* so raw and over the top when it talks about this kind of thing. that's why i like campy edgy uncomfortable shit bc where the fuck else am i gonna hear anyone specifically hit the perfect sweet spot of just exploitative-feeling enough to feel palpably uncomfortable in a way that just like. perfectly conveys this message. in my opinion, obviously.

it's like so crazy to me that i had this exact high expectation for the show and adjusted for edginess and got exactly what i wanted and then some. like. god. they hit every note in succession all at once and then tied it off with a beautiful, nuanced but genuinely well paced and well thought out resolution.

"loser, baby" was so fucking perfect as the counterpoint to "poison" in this episode. also charlie coming in and being purehearted but not knowing what she's doing and making it worse. but angel ultimately understanding that she meant to help and it's not her that's the problem obviously. and then husk is ultimately the one to give a shit about angel (with some encouragement, which like i honestly appreciate that he doesn't take angel's bullshit and isn't just the like Token Black Savior who has no character or agency of his own [of course i'm white so don't take me as the authority on this issue but i'm certainly aware of it]) and like not only try to stop him from self destructing but like relate his experience and make him admit he has a fucking problem. sooooo much of abuse is built on making the victim think they're at fault for what they're going through. the way val makes him look in the mirror and say "yes" outloud to himself over and over while literally holding his head and threatening him was such a good way of driving that home. and then we see angel have so much pride poked at so easily when he's called fake because he's SO aware he's putting on an act. he lets himself be exploited because he thinks it gives him a sense of control. can't be called fake if i'm an actor. can't prove i'm ever real. never have to BE real. never have to admit that anything is wrong and come to terms with it.

and so husk comes right the fuck out and says it. you're a loser. you're washed up. you're a has been. you're self destructive. you hurt everyone around you. ..... and you're not alone. THAT'S the important part. that's the real thing that gets you out of abuse. people. not being alone. like not just KNOWING that THEORETICALLY you're not alone but actually having people show up and help you and put in the work and relate to you and listen to you and let you listen to them. that's why abusers chronically work to isolate people. because it's so much easier to exploit someone who has absolutely no support system. who only answers to them. who has no one to turn to if shit goes sour.

ok also the fucking hypersexual self harm? i have NEVER seen that portrayed so accurately and so explicitly before. i feel like basically every single time i see it talked about at ALL in media it's either 1) portrayed as like sexy or ultimately good 2) strays totally the opposite direction and is talking more about cycle of abuse shit (which yes that's also important but not what i'm after) 3) really just hinted at / i have to like extrapolate it from vague hints or 4) exists in shitty media that is not ultimately trying to tell a story about escaping abuse it's just talking about a tragic waif and trying to make you feel sad. which is just another kind of exploitation really. so it was very refreshing to see it made very clear that angel was going around *trying* to get drugraped (which is NOOOOOT the same as consent. but i'm not going to get into that) because he was trying to hurt himself. he knew it wasn't good for him and he sought it out anyway. he could have wound up dead and he did not care. that's how low his self esteem is. that's how little he thinks of himself. that's how absolutely terminal his suicidal ideation is. i like used the word 'passive' at first but no i would not call that passive he is clearly actively suicidal hsuidguhds (ftr passive suicidal ideation is like. 'i wish i could go to sleep and not wake up.' but not actually acting on it. active is when you start purposely not looking both ways when you cross the street. that's basically what angel was doing)

anyway yeah. ep4 was kind of the peak for me i'm ngl HUIDGHIS obviously i'm very excited to see where things are going in general but especially more huskerdust........ i would like live if they didn't actually end up together but it feels clear to me that they genuinely care about each other and at least angel does seem to have... romantic-leaning feelings for him. would be cool if they had some scene where husk is like just cuz i care about you doesn't mean i'm going to be your magic saviour through love or whatever. bc i feel like it would be so easy for angel to immediately want and/or expect that. i did personally coming out of my abuse where i was absolutely desperate for real actual non-abusive love of any kind but i was NOT remotely healthy enough to truly accept it then even if it had actually been handed to me and i wound up in something that was..... better, yes, but ultimately still toxic and not completely ideal. not abusive, no, just not like. healthy. lol. but i do have good healthy happy love now so i'm glad lol <3 but like anyway this is a common thing with abuse survivors and it would *make sense* to see it but like i wouldn't put it past them to just go straight into "and then angel got better immediately and they got together and everyone lived happily ever after the end" HSDUIGSHUID but like idk man. we'll see LOL

also i did want to comment on like...... the fact that the scene was worked on by someone with a legit rape fetish who was like straight up into angel/val as a ship and thought it was like cool and fun or whatever. like. i really don't think the scene itself came off as glorifying rape or abuse. it's blatantly obvious that it's not good and the emphasis is placed entirely on angel's pain. and like it's. it's not porn. it's evocative. it's explicit. but the purpose of the scene is not "look at this hot sexy sex" it's "look at this horrifying abuse". like yes obviously there are gonna be people who get off on it but people can get off on anything if they try hard enough. porn is art explicitly meant for jacking off. not everything about sex is porn. i think if you interpret it as glorifying sex you're honestly out of your goddamn mind. the song ends with angel talking about how he wants to fucking die because of it. is that glorification to you?? really???

ultimately, *I* think it's good. i think, objectively, the team did an extremely good job. give them an award or something. i swear. where's the oscar. my boy angel needs his oscar LOL

... one last note, because this is tumblr: this is very triggering material. probably it should've had a better warning of some kind. but it is telegraphed/foreshadowed like i said and the show is rated 16+ on amazon (i feel like it should be 18+ imo but it's like. it's repeatedly listed as being for adults/"R rated" in promo material at least) and sex and violence are listed right there at the top of each episode where it shows the rating so like. idk man. that's as much warning as is usually given for this kind of thing ngl. i absolutely am not saying it's not triggering. but it is important to portray triggering things. it is important to talk about these things to give people in these situations someone to relate to and to give them the language to understand how to escape abuse, first of all, and like also art in general *should* be challenging. i think they genuinely said important, unique things and said them well. they did wayyyy better than i thought they would. for real. like esp coming from viv knowing her past like. clearly someone in the room actually knew what they were doing lmao (one of the writers for hazbin also worked on the episodes in helluva that covered similar abuse recovery material so. you know)

[can-ya-guess-my-curent-obsession]

Hiii! I hope you’re doing well! I was wondering if I could request Gorillaz x Singer!S/O? Like, they have a solo career, and occasionally collab with the band? I hope you have a great day, and thank you for your time whether you write this or not!<3

Gorillaz with soloist Singer S/O

WRITERS NOTE: Thank you so much, i hope you have a great day as well. Sorry about the bad grammar, my mod at the time is not active and sorry if I got to off track with the headcanons. Either way- I am so excited for my first request!

All art on this post is mine

Edited: At this time no, but will hopefully will be later

TW: Curssing, Drinking, Trama, Voilence, if I missed any tell me please and I will add it

Characters:

/Gorillaz/

Murdoc

Murdoc straight up jokes about you replacing 2D(often right in front of 2D). And sometimes it doesn't feel like hes jokeing even if he is

He likes to chill back stage with you- which he expects automatically that he gets to be in the back because he's his S/O's boyfriend and because he's the leader of the greatest band ever- his words not mine

If/When you collab he was iffy on wether he wanted you to duet with 2D at first because he's a bit jealous

But he can't argue with what sounds good, and the voice of his amazing S/O, and the voice of the singer in HIS BAND is something that is he needs for his next album

Murdoc will always talk about how he could go solo too if he wanted to, once he learned his S/O was a solo act

If he drinks too much when you guys are hanging out he will start singing himself, and encouraging his S/O to sing with him

When recording he will give you as nice of criticism as he can if your not hitting the right notes or arn't in the right pitch- but satan forbit one of the others try to give you constructive criticism, especially 2D

Whenever he has nightmares about his childhood and his dad, and his S/O's around he finds it comforting if his S/O hummed to him but he won't ask you to hum to him though because he's scared that you'ed think he's weak

And if your not around when he's haveing a nightmare, he'll listen to one of your songs to calm himself down

If his S/O's a smaller and less well known singer- he will often tells his S/O how he can hook them up with good produser(even if S/O already has one) and anything that you as a smaller creator may not have access to, and will promote you sometimes like on an interview

And even if you are just as popular he can be a bit stuck up and will be like 'Yeah but, Gorillaz is little bit more popular'

Murdoc has mentioned before that he's glad that your a soloist, because he would feel bad for your band mates because of how bad you would out shine them

He wants to lay his head on you, and let you sing to him but he's to nervous

"Dove you have quite the voice, I'd love to have you on my next album."

Noodle

Noodle is can be quite the extrovert, so she would love to go out and do karaoke with her S/O

Noodle was so excited when it was decided that her S/O and Gorillaz was going to collab, cuz it means being with her adopted family and her lover at the same time- she was just so happy to have the people she loved most in the same room

She almost tears up duing a live performance collab because everthing feels so perfect and amazing at that point in time she can't help be a bit emotional

Noodle will travel the world to see her S/O preform at concerts

She would be absolutely in love if her S/O could sing in different languages

She has all your albums, murch- everything

Noodle would be delited to help write your songs

ANY ONE WHO CRITICIZES HER S/O'S MUSIC WILL FACE HER WRATH, it doesn't matter if she likes the kind of music her S/O makes she will beat the shit out of anyone who is rude

She is your personal body guard, like why would you need a body guard when you have a Noodle

She introduced you to 2D and Russel before the collab because her S/O and 2D are both singers and she thought 2D needed a singer friend that wasn't connected through work, and Russel is her dad who did the most parenting so it was like a meet the parent situation Sorry Mudoc :/

She will ask her S/O to sing to her somtimes, most often when you two are alone

Noodle has a LOT of respect for her S/O because managing a music career by yourself can be quite hard, especially to her because she grew up in a band with other people so she could never imagine doing it alone

She like catching her S/O singing to themself when they are alone, because she loves to see her S/O flustered, and if you don't get flustered she still likes to see them surprised to see her

"Hey S/O, about our date- I was thinking.... karaoke!"

2D

2D is ecstatic to have a S/O that is also a singer

He is just so happy to have someone to relate to

Before 2D even starts dating his S/O(like in crush faze) he would have already asked S/O to do a collab as a way to get closer with them

Like Noodle, 2D owns a lot of his S/O's merchandise not as much as her but still a lot

He likes to atend his S/O's concerts but prefers to watch back stage because while he loves his fans and fan interactions he also hates the idea of taking attention away from his S/O at his S/O's concert, and due to his very recognizable appearance he is likely going to draw attention to himself in a crowd of people

2D will blab to anyone who will listen about his S/O and their solo career as a singer, this is the case often in interviews where the interviewers ask about y'alls relationship

When talking with his S/O and his S/O's career as a singer he has forgoten he was a singer himself

2D tends subconsciously sing or hum to himself, and if his S/O joined him in his little tune he would melt into putty- though it would take him a hot second to realize that they where singing with them

He's fascinated by the fact that his S/O's are a solo singer, and often asks you about it, though he often gets off track with his questions

PLEASE write a love song about him, if you do his heart will die of happiness

When it comes time for the collaboration 2D gets distracted constantly, by his S/O, and their voice specifically

While 2D getting distracted in the studio isn't new, but him getting distracted while recording is, as he tends to hyperfixate on singing when recording- but now half way through the lyrics he just slowly stops and stares at his S/O like nothing else in the world exists- with a goofy euphoric grin on his face, and when S/O stops cuz he stoped he'll mutter out praise about S/O's voice/singing Much to the others dissmay

"Wow... ya have such'a pretty voice luv"

Russel

Russel is a very supportive boyfriend

Out of all of the band mates he's the one that doesn't mind watching from the crowd the most- but much like 2D he doesn't like taking attention away from his S/O

If you show him the lyrics to a song you are working on he likes to suggest beats that might sound good with it

While Russel was happy to collaborate with his S/O, he's the least thrilled about it in the group- as he likes to balance his work life and home life as much as he can even though its really hard to so bring his love life into work life isn't exactly thrilling for him I mean did you see how it worked out for 2D

Russel is also the most professional when it comes time to collaborate with his S/O, like I said he tries to separate home life and work life and he does this by acting professional and trying to ignore the fact he is dating the person he is working with

Whenever the bands on tour and he misses his S/O he likes to listen to S/O's music even if it's not his type of music, but he usually won't really listen to the collab music at that time because it only makes him think of work(also no one but Noodle knows he does this)

And to add on to him and his S/O's music, Russel likes to suggest his S/O's music but he's very sublet about it

Besides actually collaborating as a work thing, he likes to help his S/O with their songs, whether it be helping with lyrics, what instruments to use, or with beats- though he rarely does this as he is usually he is exhausted with making music from work

He's overall just really chill about it in general, he's doesn't mind that your a soloist, and out of everyone he's the most neutral in that category

Though Russel sometimes jokes about how he's jealous that you don't have to deal with band mates and that he wishes he was a solo act or that he was in a band with his S/O instead

I mean Russel loves his band mates but sometimes they can be down right obnoxious *cough* 2D *cough* Murdoc

Also Russel likes helping his S/O pick out their stage outfit/make up for live performances and/or music videos

"Look'in and sound'en great hun."

[optiwashere]

This seemed fun, so why not do this for my babies? Portraits taken from art in this post.

Some elaborations under the cut...

Stats

Ages are at the end of BG3. Shadowheart is at least late 40s in canon, but I always had her as 50 in my mind. She has her birthday in my fic canon during the post-Absolute Crisis rebuilding while Asheera's won't be for another few months.

Asheera is ~201cm tall, Shadowheart is ~170cm tall. Roughly 31cm height difference!

Ship Parameters

Shadowheart and Asheera both enjoy being the big spoon and little spoon, but Shadowheart prefers being nestled in Asheera's embrace. Doesn't mean for a bit that the roles aren't reversed now and again, though.

Shadowheart wears Asheera's clothes all the time. Constantly. They are, of course, comically oversized on her.

They both use pet names for one another, but Asheera fancies herself a bit of a romantic so she likes to come up with melodramatic ones ("my Heart") while Shadowheart prefers "love" and "my love." Shadowheart also calls Asheera "my Lady paladin" a lot in the fics, but IDK if you consider that a pet name or not?

Shadowheart is undoubtedly far, far, far more introverted than Asheera. In fact, Asheera is pretty extroverted in general. The extrovert/introvert ship dynamic is my catnip, how could you tell?

So, the affection one I took to mean what they prefer. Shadowheart likes quality time and affirmations while Asheera likes acts of service and quality time. However, if you imagined it as what they do then their placements would be flipped.

Shadowheart confesses love first. Affection and attraction, that's technically Asheera.

Neither of them really panic about bugs. Asheera has a bad habit of killing the little creatures though, and she has serious thoughts about her own oaths when she does it.

Horse riding... Listen, all I'm saying is Asheera riding a horse with Shadowheart behind her? Yeah. But, like, if we're literally talking about driving a car then Shadowheart can drive but if anyone else offers to drive then she's going to take the opportunity to sit in the passenger seat, curate the music, and fall asleep.

Shadowheart knows how to cook because she's an adult, but she's just terrible at it. I'm sorry, she is a horrible cook to me. Her taste buds are all fucked up from decades of sampling/testing poisons, venoms, and paralytics as a Sharran. Asheera's not much better, she just knows that if Shadowheart cooks it'll be a disaster for everyone.

Shadowheart prefers discretion and Asheera loves giving her wife big, showy kisses for all to see. They have an understanding.

Despite the jealousy levels, Asheera is prone to overprotectiveness. After everything that Shadowheart went through in her life, after everything that Asheera saw in her memories and in the events of BG3, there's no way she doesn't immediately come to Shadowheart's defense at pretty much any perceived slight. Shadowheart finds it very sweet, but unnecessary. She can defend herself just fine. Doesn't mean she hates it though.

Shadowheart has the age on Asheera by a margin, and she spent decades in a Sharran cloister. Calling them "relationships" is probably a bit much to be fair, though. This doesn't mean Asheera is some naïve virgin! She's actually more experienced with long-term relationships than Shadowheart.

Levels

They're both extremely horny, especially for one another, but Shadowheart wins out on this one by sheer excitement to try out anything and everything that she thinks Asheera would want to try. Asheera isn't a prude by any stretch of the imagination.

Shadowheart is awkward in that "sheltered in a cult commune" kinda way. She says the wildest shit sometimes and expects people to just move on from it. Someone who quotes erotica with their friend in public is going to cause others to feel awkward. Asheera on the other hand? She makes things awkward by either being way too serious about a situation or cracking bad jokes about it; there is no in-between, and nobody is sure what to expect.

Asheera doesn't get jealous. Shadowheart is jealous of things that aren't really related to their relationship. I don't think either of them gets jealous over that sorta thing. Shadowheart just has to manage her feelings about family given that Asheera has one that loves her and she was able to experience a childhood and such. That triggers jealousy which Asheera finds normal and reasonable and completely understandable. It's one of those aspects of Shadowheart's specific trauma that isn't really something you "get over" and Asheera, while finding it hurtful and hard to deal with sometimes, relies on her training and oaths as a paladin to manage that specific hurdle in their relationship.

[igotanidea]

Consolation: Enid Sinclair x f!reader

request: I’d like to request something with Enid x fem!reader where Enid’s s/o comforts her after parents week and everything that happens with her mother.

„So, your father bailed on you this year as well?”

Xavier raised eyes on me and his pouted lips and annoyed expression were enough for an answer.

“You know, I don’t even care anymore” he shrugged, not having a care in the world.

“Mhm, right. Sure.” I leaned on the wall next to him watching everything that was happening in the quad during the first parents-students meeting this semester.

“Looks like your family abandoned you as well….” Xavier started.

“Well, you know, banshees are not exactly known as the familiar ones. It’s enough emotions for us to sense death around…..” I muttered, busy looking for a familiar face in the crowd of people downstairs. “Do you think she’s alright?”

“Who?” Xavier followed my gaze “Oh. Enid. I don’t know. She’s another one to have complicated family relationship, isn’t she?”

“You have no idea” I sighed deeply “I’m worried about her, you know. She looks…. sad. So much different from the happy, bursting joy of sunshine she is every day.”

“It’s just one weekend, I bet she’s…..”

“You know, maybe I’m being delusional as on only child, but I always thought having a lot of siblings means that you have someone to talk to or fight against or get into trouble together….”

“That might as well make us brother and sister.” Xavier smirked, but I barely heard his words, being too much inside my head.

“….and just look at them.  She’s all alone while her brothers play together. And her mother? Ugh. She’s just pushing her so hard. It’s so unfair! It’s not her fault she did not wolf out, yet!”

“Ok, Y/N, you might want to calm down…..” Thorpe put a hand on my shoulder and that made me realize I was squeezing the stones so hard my hands started to bleed. “Take it easy. You know you can always step in and become her knight in shining armor saving her from the literal claws of her relatives, right?”

“What? Oh hell, no! I love her, but her mother scares the shit out of me. I can sense a lot of negativity coming from her. Definitely a lot more than she’s showing.”

“Whatever you say. I guess we are cursed with each other this weekend than.”

“Could have been worse, I guess” I shoved him playfully, but my worries and fears about my wolf girlfriend were still there.  

***

“Y/N” I turned around facing forward but there was no one in front of me. Luckily, quick enough I realized the voice was coming from below and lowered my gaze only to spot Wednesday Addams glaring at me.

“Hello Wednesday.” I smirked “it is a wonderful day, isn’t it?” I tried my best to get any reaction from her, but her face did not change in the slightest so I dropped the act. “what do you want?”

“There’s nothing you could do to be useful to me.” She said flatly “Enid, however…..”

“Did something happen to her?” ok, now I was concerned. Just the mention of her name I was ready to jump into fire. Given my girl’s character that wasn’t so unlikely.

“Apart from that catastrophe of parents visit? Nothing. It is truly, a beautiful tragedy.”

“Where is she? Wednesday!” I wanted to wake her up from her own dark, gloomy fantasies about horrors and fears, but Addams was too intimidating to shake her. And maybe I was a little scared she would kill me at the spot if I were to do that.

“Dorm. Obviously. She got into one of her emotional state. Refuse to go out and see anyone, though I can’t comprehend why. I was always the one to stand out from my family and yet it never drew any emotions out of me.” I did not even listen to her blabbering as I took off running towards the Ophelia Hall. “Interesting,” Wednesday muttered to herself “and absolutely unnecessary.”

***

The wooden floor creaked the second I took a first step and the sound startled Enid, who ironically was a bit jumpy for a werewolf.  She abruptly turned towards the door, her cheeks puffy, eyes bleary from the tears falling down freely and that view broke my heart in a million pieces. My wonderful girl, my lovely golden-labrador, purely-hearted, perfect, innocent, sensitive girlfriend. Someone hurt her. Someone being most probably her mother. I felt endless rage just because of watching her broken figure, her hopeless expression and at the moment I was ready to burn the whole world down and watch it go down in flames just to make her feel better. For those who doesn’t know, banshees scream are indications of death, and I sensed one coming from the back of my throat, but her crouched, small figure made me stop. She looked so fragile and broken, sobbing desperately, trying her best to calm down and failing spectacularly.

“Y/N” she managed to pant, wiping her tears, and I rushed to her side, my hands circling around her at once.

“I’m here, Enid. I’m here. It’s ok, love” I shuddered when she hid her face in the crook of my neck.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this.” She muttered

“Why?”

“Cause I’m always happy and …. And I though…..”

“Hey. Stop it. Look at me.” She raised her blurry eyes and locked them with mine “There’s nothing, nothing you can do to make me look at you differently. All right? Tears or smiles or throwing daggers…. I love you all the same in each of the moods, ok? You don’t have to hide. And certainly, I don’t need Wednesday Addams to inform me of your stare” I muttered holding her tighter.

“She came to you?”

“Yes. And I did not like that.”

“I told you she cares. In her own way, but she does.”

“Right.” I muttered. I was not going to admit to Enid I was simply jealous. At least not at the moment, since it was not the time nor the place, but maybe, maybe in the future we will have a conversation about this. “What happened? I mean, I know the effect your family has on you but this is a whole new level of sadness. Even for you.” I cupped her cheek “Come on, sunshine, let it out.”

“she wants to send me to lycanthrope conversion therapy!” she dropped the hammer and started crying again.

“Oh, my love” I circled her arms and pulled her closer not believing what I just heard. No words could ever express how I felt at that moment. “I’m not letting you go anywhere. “

“You don’t?” she asked weakly and hiccupped which made her let out a laugh.

“Oh, there is that little smile I love” I pressed a small kiss the corner of her lips “of course I’m not. Wait, did you think differently?” even the thought of her believing I would not fight for her made me appalled.

“I…. I…. was too worried to think.” She confessed finally “you know, it’s just painful seeing your family not accepting you.”

“Can’t say I have such an experience, but I know how it feels to be alone. “ once again, banshees are not family creatures. “but you know what, you have family here, at Nevermore. You have me, Ajax, Xavier and as much as I hate to admit it, Wednesday.”

“She’s one of a kind, isn’t she?”

I rolled my eyes. I did not want to talk about the dark haired girl.

“Look, Enid. We all love you. I love you. More than anything. You could you have  fangs , scales or feathers for  what I care. You could even be a normie and that wouldn’t make me love you less.   None of this matters to me. You are kind, unlike your mother apparently” I hissed and she scoffed me for that but smiled a bit, “helpful, selfless and smart. Brave and full of life, ready to explore it to the fullest. I love your pink hair” I touched the left side of her head “and your blue hair” then the right one “I love your eyes and your claws” I grabbed her hands in mine, rubbing thumb over her soft skin. “But what I love most is your smile, even when it’s not on your face.” I caressed her cheek “just a memory of it makes it all better for me” I rested my forehead on hers, like I was trying to convey all my emotions to her and she definitely got the message leaning in and kissing my cheek softly.

“Thank you” she whispered “you are my strength, you know?”

“Maybe, but sometimes I wonder how you put up with my murderous attitude.”

“I love your murderous attitude.” She grinned “I think I’m feeling better now. “

“Does that mean you are going to stand up to your mother?”

“Well, if staying here with you is at stake than I definitely  will” she laughed “can’t leave you alone in case you were trying to murder the whole school, right?”

Oh, how I loved having that little rainbow in my life.

[call-me-maggie13]

What’s it like working in a male-dominated environment where everyone is between the ages of 17 & 24? I’m so glad you asked.

“Hey, how do I professionally tell [district manager] this ain’t it, Chief?” - my 19yr old site manager

“Bug race. Bug race. Bug race. Bug race.” - this chant went on for 40 minutes while they scoured for bugs to race in a maze they’d built

“Is my [literally anything] supposed to do this? {proceeds to show themselves doing something that they definitely should not be able to do} It kinda hurts when I do.”

[random screaming]

“What would happen if I ate this?”

{new guy tries to be chivalrous and hold the door for me} “dude, why’d you do that?”

“Because gentlemen hold the doors for ladies?”

“Man, she ain’t a lady. She’s Maggie. Doesn’t count.”

“Pulp fiction isn’t even a good movie.” - this got me kicked out of the group chat for three weeks

In the group chat: [monkey meme] [monkey gif] [monkey stock photo] [monkey trivia fact] [monkey video] [link to monkey video on YouTube] “munky munky”

“Maggie, my girl is mad at me and I can’t figure out why.”

“are you asking her bc she’s a girl?”

“No dude, I’m asking her bc she’s smarter than us.”

“I don’t think I’m straight. Have you seen Ryan Reynolds? Yeah… I don’t know anymore.”

“Did you know the new soap dyes your hands Barbie pink?” [holds up bright pink hands] cause I just found out!”

[more on the previous one] “bro that’s not Barbie pink, that’s fuschia!”

“No it’s not!” {argues back and forth before new guy joins in}

“I think it’s more of a periwinkle.”

“Bro, periwinkle is a purple. Have you never looked at a color before in your life?”

[random projectile flies past my head] “shit! Incoming!”

[random push-up contest]

“Do you think my dog knows I would die for her?”

“You guys know when [vague hand movement] just kinda [even vaguer hand movement] and you just [weird and vague hand movement]?”

“Bro, yes.”

“What were you listening to in your car when I pulled up?” [proudly] “the cheetah girls, bro!”

“Do you think I could take a badger in a fight?”

[random period of absolute silence that either lasts forever or is ended by a random scream]

[someone finds a stick] “you shall not pass”

“You are what you eat, right?”

“Bro what? We’re talking about baseball.”

After the entire staff had heard about me making friendship bracelets for the Taylor Swift concert, I had 4 (out of 6) of them ask me to make them one.

“Do you ever just [like two minutes of complete silence], ya know?”

“I don’t think meeting God could even compete, dude.” - I have no context for this statement

“Sometimes, I just [heavy sigh] and sometimes it’s enough.”

“I need new songs to scream in my car.” [shows them Cruel Summer and DBATC by Taylor Swift] “Dude, make me a playlist. I need more songs like these!”

[loud clattering] “Oh shit. Don’t tell, [manager].”

Manager : “what’d you break?”

“Who decided our company mascot should be a pigeon?”

Manager gives vague answer about corporate and how we’re a car wash so it makes sense.

“Well, they’re dumb. I think our mascot should be a racecar.”

“Do you think I would get workers comp if I had a mental breakdown?”

“No.”

“Damn. Imma reschedule it for my day off then. Hey, [manager], can I have two days off back to back next week?”

“Do I get commission for the customers I scare away?”

“That’s the opposite of how commission works.”

“Well, I’m up to three today.”

[random old guy makes a comment about how women shouldn’t try to do a man’s job] “dude, acting like a dick doesn’t make yours any bigger.”

“Does anyone wanna watch Barbie’s Princess and the Pauper with me on Tuesday?” [everyone said yes] - we’re going to see the new Barbie movie together for “team bonding”

“Did you know that if you do this [proceeds to do some weird flippy thing that makes him fall], you can bruise all your ribs at the same time?”

After seeing a video of Taylor Swift diving into the stage at the Eras Tour : “dude, it’s a really good thing she’s a singer and not a swimmer because that was a bellyflop.”

“Wait. Is Hozier a lesbian?” - I have no context for this question

“If I was a worm, you guys would still play COD with me right?”

“No. We’d lose.”

“We could team up against him and beat his worm-ass!”

“Shit yeah! Then yes.”

[random dancing]

“I wanna jump in that puddle…”

“then jump in it?”

“Ok bet” [spends the last five minutes of his shift splashing in a mud puddle]

“Dude, my [12 year old] sister just got dumped by her boyfriend, what do I do?”

“Take her on a date, dude. I take my sisters out all the time because they should know how a dude should treat them.”

[random trauma dumping] “but yeah, lmao, right?”

Me: [chillin] [randomly gets picked up and carried] - this is an action I have approved, it is both hilarious and fun

“Don’t be weird about it, bro.”

“I’m not gunna be weird about it, bro.” [proceeds to be absolutely weird about it]

“What’s your favorite candy?” [tells them] [receives a two pound bag of my favorite candy the next day] “I’m sorry I yelled at you last week.”

[after he was invited to a party with drugs & alcohol] “My therapist said I shouldn’t do that anymore. It’s shit for my mental health.”

“Okay, bro. We can just play COD instead.”

[randomly tackling each other in the grass]

“Dude, I love you so much, bro. You’re an awesome guy to be friends with.” [proceeds to smack each other back and forth for like three minutes straight]

[complaining about how his seven-month-old is going through a sleep regression and he hasn’t slept more than two hours in a week] “dude, that sucks. I can ask my mom for tips, if you want?”

[random video clip sent in group chat] “wait, Maggie don’t watch that” [watches it anyways] “bro, that’s a video of you and your cat playing peek-a-boo, why couldn’t I watch that?” - I never got a response

[quiet giggling] manager: “what are you doing?”

“Nothing!” - they were hiding his clipboard

“Bro, Taylor Swift probably wrote a song about it.”

“That was literally so homophobic, it’s homoerotic.”

[in the group chat] “Y’all, I have news.” [all but one person responds asking about it] “I wanna wait until everyone responds” [four hours later, the last person responds asking about it] [ten minutes of silence] “oh, yeah. I’m gay.” - this man has been out for over a decade. Everyone already knew. This was not news.

[random tiktok link] [random tiktok link] [random tiktok link]

“Does anyone know how to use epilepsy?”

“Epilepsy? The seizure thing?”

“No the three dots.”

“Bro, that’s ellipsis.”

“I thought that was the exercise machine.”

“No, that’s an elliptical.” - I know this is a tiktok trend now, but this entire conversation was dead serious

“Do I need to go to the hospital if I got bit by a squirrel?” [everyone yells at him to go to the ER] [someone asks how he got bit by a squirrel] “I wanted to know if they were as fluffy as they look.” - he has confirmed that they are, indeed, as fluffy as they look but you most certainly should never attempt to pet a squirrel

“Bro look at this” [picture of something brutal and gory] “isn’t that cool?”

“I think I could be a professional driver.”

“Didn’t you break your axel by hitting a curb?”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t drive.”

[icallhimjoey]

To Have And To Scold

♥ ♥  Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your best friends are getting married, and who else can they ask to be their best man and maid of honour but you and Joe? It’s just that… you don’t really get along all that well, do you? At least, that’s what you think.

CW / disclaimer: sort of enemies to sort of lovers (very vague, im sorry, but you’ll see), slow burn, language, drinking, rpf, fem!reader

Author’s note: here’s part 5, may all your questions be answered before we carry on with wedding-themed shit!

Wordcount: 3.3K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five - part six - part seven - part eight - part nine - part ten - epilogue

It was a thing of self-deprivation.

To protect himself. His friendship with Poppy. You.

Deep breaths. Inhale, hold, exhale. Eyes closed. In through his nose, out through his mouth. Deep breaths always helped.

Distance helped too, in all senses of the word. Stay away. Always a couple of feet in between the two of you. He couldn’t let you get to know each other better – not that he hadn’t learnt too much already. Mark and Poppy never fucking shut up about you.

He just couldn’t let you get close, just… he needed distance. Distance kept it safe, so he’d keep you at an arms-length, always.

It was already all too fucked up.

When you looked at him, it was like a gun went off inside of him. Hardly able to move, or even breathe, you made everything a struggle.

And you were so aloof about it, too?

It honestly angered him.

You acted like it was absolutely normal to move all slow and seductive around him, like you weren’t driving him absolutely insane.

If Joe looked at you too long, he’d find himself involuntarily groaning at your features, and Jesus Christ, how tempting was it to just never move on from you? Despite knowing that even just thinking of going there could fuck everything up.

You were so incredibly off-limits, it was nauseating.  

Not that anyone had told him you were. Except Mark, that one time.

He'd only just been looking. Maybe for too long, but still, it had just been looks. Mark had caught him, made eye-contact and slowly shook his head as he frowned.

Enough said. Joe understood. 

It was just a look, but Mark had seen right through him, and Joe despised how he carried his emotions in his features for everyone to see. Should really learn to keep some just inside his head. Inside his chest, where only his ribs could feel.

Inhale, hold, exhale.

You were best friends with Mark. Friends like Joe and Poppy were friends. Maybe even better friends than that, although, Joe didn’t know what that could even look like.

Surely one step up would be dating, and, although he loved Poppy with all his heart, dating her seemed like a nightmare. He loved Poppy like he’d love a sister. It was the type of love where you could get livid with each other one minute, be screaming and slamming doors, and the next, ask them what they’d want for takeout, apologies not even on the table because they were completely unnecessary. It was a thing of beauty and something he couldn’t imagine doing without.  

Oh God, even trying to think about how he’d cope with anything without the security of his Poppy there was enough to send him spiraling.  

So, what if he tried something with you, and then, it not working out? 

Poppy and Mark were getting married.  

You were in Mark and Poppy’s life for the long-haul. You and Mark were presumably better friends than he and Poppy were. Sometimes Poppy would rant about it for a minute, and Joe’d have to listen to her go on about how her fiancé was having drinks with a beautiful woman that he’d confide in. That he would talk to about Poppy. Would complain to about her.

And she trusted Mark, because he trusted her too, but Jesus, Poppy was allowed to be jealous, wasn’t she?  

Joe understood. 

Not because of his friendship with Poppy. He understood because he felt just as fucking jealous. Poppy would be sulking over Mark hanging out with you so often, whilst Joe would secretly be sulking over you hanging out with Mark.

Not that he’d actually want to hang out with you. 

Because he couldn’t. You were off-limits like that. 

But in another world? He’d have snagged you up ages ago. Would’ve charmed you right off your feet. Would’ve pulled every single trick he knew to pull you in and he’d never fucking let you go. You would actually know he’d want you, because he’d be so up front about it. Wouldn’t fucking hold back, because, fucking hell, he was down so bad for you, it was really working his mental-health if he was being honest.  

But you were Mark’s best friend. 

The repercussions if things were to ever go wrong were catastrophically large. He’d bite himself in the arse, shoot himself in both feet, because losing you would simultaneously mean losing Poppy. 

And it wasn't like you were into him anyway. Joe’d made sure of that from the beginning. And for some unknown stupid reason, that only made everything so much worse.

Deep breaths, Joe. Come on.

Joe had had crushes before, had girls make his heart flutter and tighten the muscles in his lower stomach with just a glance his way. But he’d never been quite as terrified as he was now. Everything about you scared the living daylight out of him.

Joe scared himself when he would often try to think of red flags in you, things wrong that could give him the ick enough for his mind to cool down a little. But Joe was absolutely weak for you, and every bad habit he could think you’d have, his brain automatically would make okay.

So, you were stubborn, just like Poppy.

But that just meant you knew what you wanted. You were steadfast. Were strong like that. Weren’t going to let someone just mess with you.

Like Joe.

You were close to Mark, and Mark was close to Poppy, and Poppy was close to Joe, but it seemed like those ties connecting you didn't matter - if Joe was cold to you, you were cold right back.

Joe deserved that, he knew.

And it helped the self-deprivation.

The distance.

Joe deserved whatever you'd throw at him, because he knew it was only reactions to what he'd throw at you.

It just wasn’t what you deserved. 

He wasn’t what you deserved.

Joe knew you knew it too.

He was a selfish man. Joe’s time and attention went to himself and the things he loved, and you deserved more than selfishness from people around you. If the shoe had been on the other foot, if you'd been the selfish one, Joe knew he’d dive right in and he’d suffer for you. He’d suffer all his life if it meant he’d got to at least spend some of it loving you and have you love him in return the way he'd want you to love him.

God fucking damn it, you were responsible for so many sleepless nights, you had no idea. And it only got worse when his best friend forced you to collaborate. To actually communicate. To invite you into his home, where all of his things were and where there was nowhere for him to hide.

Where he learnt things about you he hadn't yet heard from Poppy or Mark.

You'd shown up comfortable and cosy and it reeked of a level of confidence he knew he'd never even be close to touching. Especially not around you. Joe fucking dressed up for your meeting at his house. Had gone through outfits like a teenage girl would ahead of something important, like, oh Joe didn't know, going to wherever they might run into their crush, Joe imagined.

And you'd just sat down at the kitchen island. Deemed that spot perfect for what you were there for, even though Joe had gone and tidied, cleaned and vacuumed the living and the dining room. He'd even gotten an interior mist that he'd sprayed all over his curtains so that, if he were to casually get up to close them, the place would smell of fresh jasmine flowers.

He'd stacked his fridge with nice wine.

Made sure he had the best coffee ready for you.

And then you just wanted a little bit of water, and Joe mentally cursed at himself because, what the fuck was he doing?

In an attempt to appear as casual as you had, he'd undone his tie a little and had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and he'd seen you look. Thought you could see right through him which made Joe eat himself alive, nerves heightening all senses and Joe had to really work to hide his sweaty palms from you.

He'd tried to be normal.

Crack a joke or two.

But the focus he had on how to keep himself in check, how to move in front of you, how to feign normalcy but keep enough distance - it meant he'd lost how to sense where your boundaries were.

Anything said with sarcasm without that comfortable layer of friendship was just plain old bullying, wasn't it? Crossed real boundaries, didn't it?

So he'd fucked up, and then, he'd immediately panicked.

Had to close the distance somewhat to make up for it.

Had to go sit down next to you, so you could be normal people who had to do a normal job.

Had to fix it by tearing down a wall of his own.

And it worked. Because you turned and moved back towards him.

Sat down next to him.

And you'd gotten the actual work done, sat side by side at the kitchen island. You worked efficiently, were very organised and knowledgable in ways Joe hadn't expected from you. These were things he hadn't learnt from Poppy or Mark yet, and he cherished that he got to learn these things by himself. Got to witness your traits up close, in his own house, mere inches away from him.

But the whole time he'd sat next to you at his kitchen island, half of him had wished that he wasn't sat next to you at his kitchen island.

Because from here he could feel your body heat radiate, and it tingled his skin that was closest to you.

From here he could smell your perfume, and it was the type of shit he'd dream of later.

And every so often you'd lean closer to scroll through his phone that was laid on the counter, and Joe would have to close his eyes and mentally pull himself together. Make sure no stuttered breathing, or, Joe's worst nightmare, actual moans accidentally slipped out.

Because he could feel them.

Back of his throat.

Later, he'd tell them. He'd get them out later, in the privacy of his shower, or his bed.

After you'd left, Joe was stuck in his hallway for a while. Didn't really seem to able to move from his spot, his feet nailed to the floor, like he'd been hypnotized to believe he was stuck in quicksand. Knew that when he'd move, he'd just sink deeper.

Something in him had cracked when you'd closed the door behind you.

He'd just stuttered that he thought you were nice, and now, he needed to die.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

The embarrassment was honestly too much, and looking directly at a framed photograph of himself and Poppy, he didn't understand the strange feeling of guilt that grabbed him by the ankles and just... kept him there.

In his shiny dress shoes.

In his own house.

Joe was still wearing shoes in his own house like a fucking idiot and he'd just told you that he thought you were nice, stuttered through his words like a nervous schoolboy, and now he felt guilty?!

It wasn't until he understood why, that he was able to really move again.

This wasn't what Poppy deserved.

Poppy would worry so much about the man she loved sharing a part of his soul with this other person.

You and Mark were etched into each other souls - platonically, Poppy had no doubts about that, but my God, would Poppy ever get to see the parts of Mark that you got to see?

Poppy would worry about it a lot.

Not all the time, though.

Sometimes Poppy wanted to be lazy and watch The Crown with Joe, and she would suggest Mark could call you to see if you could hang out with him. It'd get him out of her hair for a second, and in those moments, it was all good. No issues. Everything completely fine and dandy.

But when she was tired, or had had a rough week at work, and Mark would go, "hey, I'm heading out, don't wait up," without explaining where he went, because he didn't really need to, Poppy knew where he'd go, that's when she'd call Joe and would start the conversation with, "I know it's dumb," before listing off all her insecurities. All of her worries.

Joe couldn't be responsible for those worries of hers to double in size when she would inevitably learn that the other man that she loved so dearly would freely give all of him to that same person.

The two men Poppy loved, the both of them, had space reserved in their hearts for you. You filled gaps she could never fill.

So he felt guilty. Couldn't not feel the guilt eating away at him from the inside out at parts that he could feel tug at him when he thought of you.

Joe couldn't face Poppy after that evening.

At least not for a few days.

He was afraid that she'd see right through him. That she'd confront him, and then he'd have to spill all, and fuck, that would just about ruin everything. Ruin her, and in turn, ruin him.

Joe was selfish, and Joe was gross. He was a bad friend. A bad person overall, he thought.

And it just hammered home when a joke - he swears, he was only joking - got you so upset, you walked out of the pub all together. You'd had 4 drinks in under thirty minutes and Joe'd fucked up so royally, you'd actually just left him.

Joe didn't understand.

Joe didn't know where the boundaries were.

They were impossible to find with the distance he'd always kept, and now that you had to work together, Joe wished he knew exactly where the line was. But he'd also been drinking, and even if the line had been bright and fluorescent, he probably still would have missed it.

Joe only found boundaries with you right after he'd crossed them.

The alcohol in his system hadn't served him right, and the second he implied that you and Mark weren't really friends like he and Poppy were, he was taken aback by how your whole being had turned fragile, right in front of his eyes.

He witnessed your hard exterior falter and you shrank into a tiny version of yourself, right before you said you needed to go. And Joe had tried, had reached out a hand and grabbed your arm, immediately regretting whatever he'd said, whatever he'd done to hurt you - to inflict pain like that.

However, his hold on you felt invasive, and just telling you he was sorry didn't seem like it would be enough.

So you'd left.

And he thought about calling Mark. But what was he going to say? Tell him he'd gotten another girl he loved drunk and that he needed help getting her home safe?

Big nope.

Inhale, hold, exhale.

This was something he was going to have to take care of himself. He didn't know how, exactly, but staying at the pub to finish off his drink wasn't going to do anything. So he'd followed you out. And he'd follow you home. He'd make sure to see you step into your building, and he'd watch until the door closed behind you.

Joe needed you safe.

He was about to learn where you lived, and shit, that was too close. Joe wasn't allowed to get this close.

But he'd lie to himself if he said he didn't feel a smidge of giddy excitement too, because, he was about to learn where you lived.

Joe found you fast and caught up to you without a problem. But then what? What was he going to say? Just say he was sorry? Just say he was an idiot and didn't know how to be around you?

None of what he could say would be good enough.

Joe wasn't good.

He was bad, and he could feel it in his bones. Knew it to be true. Joe was reminded of that once more when he realised why his loose fitted trousers, his baggy, swishy, wide-legged bottoms, why they were necessary for him to wear now. He was bad, and so fucking lucky that he was wearing baggy trousers when he watched you lick ice cream off of your spoon.

Joe shifted in his seat, needed to make sure that he felt less of himself grow in his underwear, and needed to make sure that nobody would see.

Jesus, you had to stop that. Stop that thing you did with your tongue every time you had a bite.

Fuck.

Maybe this is why he could never fucking think straight when he was around you.

Maybe all the blood in his body finding residence in his groin was exactly why he said dumb shit. Did dumb shit. Like make you eat a bite of his gelato. And watch the spoon that had resided inside your mouth dip into his tub, touching melted ice cream that he'd get to eat in a second.

Inhale, hold, exhale.

Joe was just a man.

And weren't you just all woman.

Beautiful, and lovely, and smart, and nice. Clever. Well-organised. Confident. Observant.

He knew when he'd cropped that picture that one day, he'd have to explain to someone why he'd chosen that photo in particular.

It was just a photograph of him and Poppy. And they looked good in black and white, faces all funny, his arm around her shoulder. Poppy's arms were both around you - he'd had to cut them off, and it looked a little weird at first, but he'd gotten used to it.

He just... he loved that picture. That night had been so fun. He remembered exactly what you were wearing. How could he not? You'd been in this sheer little thing, all... see-through and suggestive and he didn't have a real excuse to look at you like that all the time. Couldn't just frame the picture of the four of you and have that in his house. He couldn't see you like that all the time, but he found a way to be reminded of it. By still using that photograph of the four of you, but only frame what felt appropriate.

The fact that you had noticed it had said enough.

Joe was bad.

Down bad.

For you.

It was awful, and he was disgusting, but he'd constantly wonder if anyone could really blame him. Had they seen you? Had they seen you that night? Had they seen what you'd been wearing? How you had moved across the floor? Had laughed at jokes? Had found the plastic straw in your drink with your tongue?

Had they seen?

Joe had seen.

Never wanted to forget.

He had to find a different picture to frame, one that was less obvious, but had the same effect. Would it be weird if he just framed the full photograph of the four of you?

You weren't friends like that. Would never be. Joe couldn't let that happen. Not for you. Not for Poppy.

But without any of the bad that it would bring, any of the issues, the regret, the guilt and if you'd actually let him, Joe would give you all of him.

Everything he'd ever been and everything he'd ever become - he'd gladly hand it all over to you, for you to do with as you pleased.

It was the one secret he kept from Poppy, kept safe inside the thick walls of his heart, and he fully intended to take this one to the grave.

Inhale, hold, exhale.

Deep breaths always helped.

---

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