#and we are still learning

[astearisms]

catalysts, protectors

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[transgender-chiroptera]

YIPPEE YAHOO TRANS PEOPLE RISE UP!!!!!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The musical episode.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[romansmartini]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to speculate about the sexual and romantic undertones of celebrities’ professional relationships

[noblcgames]

sir i'm going to need you to STOP-

[inkskinned]

love when men cry about body hair bc "it's hygiene" and yet 15% of cis men leave the bathroom without washing their hands at all and an additional 35% only just wet their hands without using soap. that is nearly half of all men. that means statistically you have probably shaken hands with or been in direct contact with one of these people.

love when men say that women "only want money" when it turns out that even in equal-earning homes, women are actually adding caregiver burdens and housework from previous years, whereas men have been expanding leisure time and hobbies. in equal-earning households, men spend an average of 3.5 hours extra in leisure time per week, which is 182 hours per year - a little over a week of paid vacation time that the other partner does not receive. kinda sounds like he wants her money.

love that men have decided women are frail and weak and annoying when we scream in surprise but it turns out it's actually women who are more reliable in an emergency because men need to be convinced to actually take action and respond to the threat. like, actually, for-real: men experience such a strong sense of pride about their pre-supposed abilities that it gets them and their families killed. they are so used to dismissing women that it literally kills them.

love it. told my father this and he said there's lies, damned lies, and statistics. a year ago i tried to get him to evacuate the house during a flash flood. he ignored me and got injured. he has told me, laughing, that he never washes his hands. he has said in the last week that women are just happier when we're cooking or cleaning.

maybe i'm overly nostalgic. but it didn't used to feel so fucking bleak. it used to feel like at least a little shameful to consider women to be sheep. it just feels like the earth is round and we are still having conversations about it being flat - except these conversations are about the most obvious forms of patriarchy. like, we know about this stuff. we've known since well before the 50's.

recently andrew tate tried to justify cheating on his partner as being the "male prerogative." i don't know what the prerogative for the rest of us would be. just sitting at home, watching the slow erosion of our humanity.

[egophiliac]

tsum events really are just the best, huh

[mayomkun]

But I still think of you

[oncillabrigade]

Someday, Damian is going to outpace Tim height-wise. He'll be at least a couple inches taller, because Damian's parents are both tall(ish) while Tim has done everything in his power short of getting an Ed Elric-style arm to stunt his own growth.

Once that happens, Damian will uncover his greatest power of all, a power he had only dreamt of before now, a power possessed by Superboy himself. Because once Dami is even a centimeter over Tim's head, this will occur:

Tim: Nice try, [insert rogue name], but you've officially been busted by Red Robin and the boy wonder himself.

Damian: Why does your name come first?

Tim: I'm older.

Damian:

Damian: *opens mouth*

Damian: *draws the biggest breath of his life*

Damian: I'M TALLER!!!!!

Unfortunately for Damian, he is not Jon, and Tim is not ten, and therefore, Tim has a comeback.

Tim: Name a single culture where height is a basis for authority and we'll talk.

Damian is devastated. He lashes out. They have their biggest argument in years. It gets physical. It gets vicious.

And yes, the rogue does get away while they fight.

[dkettchen]

she would've told them unlike her canon! version who decided not to be an ally smh

[zipsunz]

a comic i did for sunny's birthday ☀️ 🎨

(art by me, script by @sunkitty143!)

[theabigailthorn]

You're not uniquely talented or hard working you just went to the right schools.

Yes, yes! This is exactly why I started Philosophy Tube! Why shouldn't someone else, anyone else, have access to the education I got??? The intellectual and cultural heritage of our species is for everyone, not just privileged people like me! :)

[badlydrawnronpa]

i love how this blog called "badly drawn" while like some of these doodles are better than my finished sketches lol

HEY

NO SELF DEPRECATION ABOUT YOUR ART SKILLS IN THIS HOUSE

ANGIE ATTACK

[dontron-9000]

Cass’s Apocalyptic Series has a death grip on my heart... and has been ripping it to pieces with this latest update.

But I trust Cass, and their reassurance that there will be a happy ending; and that it’s not the end for Uncle Tello.

Unfortunately, that triggered something in my brain that I absolutely had to get out before it killed me.....

Please accept this meme to help cope

@somerandomdudelmao​ I am so, so fucking sorry.....

[chalkrub]

been doodling some bri'ish wildlife - love seeing these guys. because they are the classics aren't they?