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kaija-rayne-author · 4 months

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DA 4 Veilguard predictions

Okay so I wanted to get a whole ass post about what I think is likely to happen in DA 4 done before the reveals but I haven’t had the time between work and life.

There are MASSIVE spoilers for every Dragon Age game, book, comic, and most internet theories in this post. Proceed with caution.

Also I swear like the truckers I grew up around. So CW on language.

First and foremost, I’m going to warn you all that I’m a die-hard Solavellan. If you don’t like that? Don’t bother reading this. And for gods’ sake don’t bother arguing with me about it. Depending on my mood, I’ll either first roast your face off and then eat it with bbq sauce or if I’m feeling generous, I’ll just block your ass. You like what you like about games. I’ll like what I like. I don’t shit in your porridge, I ask you to not do it to me. As I’m writing this, I’m 47 years old and I’ve been gaming since I was 9. Which means I’ve been gaming longer than a lot of you have been alive. Stop yucking on people’s yum. There’s far too little joy in this world. Go find your own.

So, this is just a partial post (albeit, in true to me fashion, an incredibly LONG one XD). It will cover stuff I think we might see revealed in things this weekend at either SGF or Xbox whatever (I have no idea why they’d bother with the Xbox thing since they hold such a small share of the gaming market these days but whatever.) We’re seeing something between Friday and Monday. Hopefully, enough to give hope to the masses.

Depending on how much time I have before I have to serve dinner I might add some more of my theories.

It’s a bit silly of me to be so obsessed about this game because my computer definitely won’t be able to handle it, and because I’m a disabled, neurodivergent author with a family to support… well… the likelihood of me being able to buy both a computer able to handle it and the game itself any time in the near future isn’t good. So, I won’t be able to play it. I am going to add my links and a go fund me to the bottom of this post (which has taken me hours to research and write so if you would like to donate to the cause I would be so deeply appreciative. Dragon Age is one of my AuDHD special interests, and it’s killing part of my soul to know I can’t participate when it comes out. I promise I’ll write all sorts of interesting stuff about it!)

But I can’t help myself. Letting my research-oriented, lore-obsessed brain noodle about Dragon Age is one of my very favourite special interests. So, without further ado… here goes!

CLASSES

I think we have a good chance of seeing some of these as playable classes.

Knight-Templar ❌

Lord of Fortune ✅

Antivan Crow ✅

Mortalitasi (Nevarran necromancer) ✅

Grey Warden ✅

Shadow Dragon ✅

Shaper/Carta/Kal-Sharok/Sha-Brytol Dwarf ❌

Veil Jumper ✅

Fen’harel Fanatic (not his usual people, the fanatical ones detailed in Tevinter Nights) ❌

Companions

A lot of these ideas come from the supplementary material that I’ve read at least three times each. I’m obsessed. What can I say?

Qunari: ✅ Tal-Vashoth Sarrebas, maybe Qwydion? ❌

Rivani Lord of Fortune: ✅ ‘Hollix’ maybe? That would be fun, plus they are canonically non-binary! Please please please? With sugar on top? ❌

Tevinter Mage/Magister: ✅ Maevaris Tilani ❌ would be so cool, but I’d be equally as happy to see Neve Gallus. ✅ Honestly, they both have benefits for me. Mae is trans and Neve has a prosthetic leg. Alternatively, I liked Myrion ❌ well enough that he’d be a cool companion too. And he’s canonically bisexual from what I read between the lines.

Grey Warden: ✅ Please let it be Antoine! ❌ (Antoine absolutely has ADHD and I would love to see more of that rep in a AAA game.) Evke ❌ could be fun too.

Templar Knight-Commander: Rana Savras ❌

Spirit Companion: I really hope it’s not Audric. 1. He’s not really a spirit, he’s a higher undead, which is a Zombie by any other term. And all the poor guy wants is to organize his library. I’ll be quite disappointed with the writers if they go this route.

So, we’ve had Faith/Wynn, Justice/Anders, and Compassion/Cole. There are two other widely known benevolent spirits in Dragon Age canon. Valor and Hope. Given what I think is gonna happen in DA4, my money is on a Hope spirit. ❓

Antivan Crow: ✅ Illario Dellamorte. ❌ (I really really hope it’s not Lucanis Dellamorte. 💩 He’s so damned annoying and gods that is NOT how an assassin operates. Here's my professional editorial opinion of why Lucanis is an absolutely terrible character.

Veil Jumper/Dalish/City Elf: ✅ Strife. ❌ Please please please? He’d be so awesome as a companion character. He’s not young! I want an older companion character. (And it would let them get away with the white hair on a darker skinned character without it being racist as fuck.) I just really hope he looks better than he did in the comics. The art style in those was just fucking terrible.

I am hoping that we can somehow romance Lace Harding. ✅ But I just don’t see how she could fit in with the reported likely classes and things I’ve personally considered.

That gives me 8 even though reports say we only get 7. But did you notice in this picture that there are 8? So either we’re gonna get a ‘secret’ companion like Loghain Mac Tir. (Three guesses who that will be and the first two don’t count.) Or they have a surprise for us. Or the art is off.

I could also see Kieren ❌ as a companion. (Morrigan’s son) He’d be just about old enough if we get the time jump reports are saying we will. He was roughly 12 in DAI. + 2 for Trespasser puts him at 14. Ten years minimum between Trespasser and DA4 puts him at 24. So, it’s possible. I could also see Vaea as a companion. But I’m not exactly sure how she would fit with classes.

Potential Advisors

Some of these I’ve got as potential companions as well because I could see them fitting either.

Dorian Pavus for Tevinter Magisters (I think this is very likely given Tevinter Nights.)

Maevaris Tilani (Same as above.)

Charter (I think we’ll see Charter stepping into Leliana’s place as Spymaster given what we saw in Trespasser and Tevinter Nights.)

Myrna/Audric (Mortalitasi)

Ramesh (Grey Wardens)

Genetivi (Scholar) (given what happened in Tevinter Nights I have a feeling we’ll be seeing him again under a new name)

Viago De Riva (Antivan Crows)

Andarateia Cantori (Antivan Crows) I’d love to see Zevran again but considering what he was up to in DAI I think it’s unlikely. Although something did happen in Tevinter Nights that might make it possible.

Lavellan: With how the story in DAI ended and what we saw in the end scene of Trespasser, I think they’ll be important in some way.

Fenris: (Wandering Warrior)

Cameos we might see:

Fenris

Isabela

Arishok Sten

Antaam Rassan

Kieren (Morrigan’s son)

Zevran

Vaea

Sebastian Vael

Viago De Riva

Andarateia Cantori

Lavellan

People I don’t think we’ll see or if we do it won’t be for long.

Cassandra (thank gods)

Morrigan

Leliana (sads)

Most of the cast of DAI and the previous games.

Bosses we’re likely to fight.

Solas. He’ll be a mini-boss and maybe one you can talk out of a fight.

FleMythal

Elgar’nan

Ghilan'nain

Andruil. She and Ghilan’nain often go together.

Critters/bad guys we’re likely to see.

Bone creatures from the necropolis.

Changed darkspawn/humans from Ghilan'nain’s labs.

Tentacley sea creatures from Minrathous and other ‘experimented upon by mages’ monsters.

Werewolves may make a comeback.

Antaam.

Venatori. ✅

Fen’harel Fanatics (these are different from Fen’harel agents).

Whatever or whoever the people across the sea are.

Carta dwarves

Titans

Sha-Brytol dwarves

Antaam Rassan

Antaam

Things I think we’re likely to see.

We’re going to see trans/non-binary rep. ✅ I deeply believe this is happening. I will be so sad if I’m wrong.

Sad as I am to say it. Varric is gonna die. The writing has been on the wall in drippy red marker since they fired his writer. I hate this, personally. I grew up listening to Brian Bloom (Varric’s VA) and he’s just one of my absolute favourites. But I don’t think Varric is gonna make it.

The how? I think, narratively, they’ll do it in a way that hurts Solas a very great deal. In DAI, Varric is one of the few people that Solas listens to. Apologizes to and actually talks to with a sense of respect in his tone that he rarely does with anyone else. Given events in the comic The Missing where Solas saves Varric several times… yeah.

If I were writing it? It would be an angsty as fuck scene where either something Solas does accidentally kills Varric in a friendly fire isn’t friendly sort of situation or that Solas can’t get there in time to save one of the few people he actually probably considers a friend.

So, the pain of Varric’s death will be what in the writing/editing trade we call a pinch-point for Solas’s character arc. How the player decides what happens will likely be one of those crucial choices matters points that will turn Solas down a darker path or possibly toward a redemption arc.

Flemythal isn’t dead. I’ve talked before about how she is not the happy fluffy bunny version of a mother goddess. Sure, she might be a mother goddess. But she’s the type that reminds us that mother nature is often more red in tooth and claw than nurturing.

And the lady is bent. Bent on revenge. Bent on using people to get her revenge. Just… if she ever was the good and kind person that Solas remembers? She definitely isn’t anymore.

I have a feeling given one of the stories in Tevinter Nights that FleMythal has infected Solas (vs sharing her power in a simple power up to help him save people move) with the dragon soul. Which could have been part of Mythal's soul even before the dragon had it, if some theories are correct. There’s been a lot of imagery and description of a dreadwolf like creature that is half lupine, half dragon. So, something is going on there.

And honestly, I think that’s going to be Solas’s breaking point with mommy dearest. (Please, please don’t let them have been lovers, that will squick me out so fucking bad.)

“Betrayal is always worse.” Is one of Solas’s really heartfelt lines in DAI. If I’m right, and FleMythal somehow manipulated that dragon soul she got from Kieren (talk about fucked up action right there) so that it’s gonna change Solas into a half dragon half wolf demon thing… welp.

I think FleMythal will find that Solas has bit more backbone than he ever had in the past. He’s not alone now. He knows he’s not alone. He’s got friends. He’s got someone who deeply loves him in a romanced Solavellan playthrough. I don’t think Solas is going to be very happy with his dearest ‘best of them’ Mythal.

Best of them? Yeah. It doesn’t mean she was actually good.

So Mythal isn’t dead. I think she’s likely to be one of if not the BBEG along with whoever that voice was at the end of the teaser. My money is on Troy Baker for the VA and I’m really curious if I’m right. I’m thinking that’s probably Elgar’nan. God of Vengeance. Perhaps Mythal and Elgar’nan patch up whatever divine argument they’ve been having via celestial couples therapy or something. Who knows.

I think we’re going to see a split path depending on the choices of the player for Solas. Depending on our choices, he could go really dark, or he could have a redemption arc. Patrick Weekes tweeted to me that ‘there’s a possibility of a happy ending for Solavellan’ so I still have hope. I trust Weekes to write a satisfying conclusion to the Solavellan Romance. (I just don’t trust Bioware as far as I can throw them.) Weekes was the lead writer on this game, so I think it’s a good possibility that that’s how it’s going to be structured.

I think the game will very possibly be a multi-act structure like DAI. The first act is possibly going to be like the Hinterlands leading up to Coryphyfish blowing the hell out of Haven. I think the veil coming down is going to either be what starts off the game ✅ (like the explosion of the conclave in DAI) or will be the final ending situation of Act 1. Again. Player choices will likely affect this to some extent.

But y’all? That veil is coming down. ✅ And yes. I’m aware of that silly new name for the game. I don’t like it. (That ‘the’ was a mistake. Veilguard by itself would’ve been much better linguistically.) But if you’ve been following my ramblings about Dragon Age for a while, y’all will know I have issues with their linguistic usage and editing already.

Dumped Drunk and Dalishious did a fantastic piece on her blog about the veil. It’s here if you haven’t read it. Firstly, the veil was never meant to exist in THEDAS in the first place. If you deep dive the lore (and trust me, I really have. A LOT.) It’s obvious that the veil has been the cause of more problems than it has fixed. It’s been slowly killing magic in THEDAS since its creation. It has to come down. It’s also as holey a granny’s doilies anyway. Solas taking it down in a controlled fashion is very likely going to prevent far more deaths than if it keeps just falling apart piecemeal like it’s been doing forever. It’s unfixable and it really really needs to go. ✅

So once that veil drops… I don’t think it’s going to be as horrific as everyone has been bellyaching about forever. Solas’s often misquoted and wildly overblown lines from Trespasser (seriously do y’all even know what the word genocide means? You make me doubt.) are very likely a red herring at best. People are being willingly misled. ✅ I can’t really blame y’all.

Weekes is an absolute Master at playing people’s expectations and assumptions off of their preconceived notions, then throwing a bomb of ‘oops you were all wrong and it was right in front of you the entire time’. They’ve even said they really love to write things like that. I want to write as well as Weekes does when I grow up.

Humans existed before the veil. Why wouldn’t they afterward? Given some of the lore, Qunari also existed before the veil. Why wouldn’t they continue to? Will there be chaos? Yup. ✅ But change is often painful. And if anything needs change it’s the world of THEDAS. (Both for story reasons and for gameplay reasons.)

One of the changes I think we’re likely to see is the implosion of the Chantry. (I am absolutely hoping for this. I’m not a fan of organized religion on a grand scale like that and the Chantry has soooooo damned many skeletons in its closets and atrocities under its belt that I will absolutely celebrate when it burns to the ground.)

Which will happen if it comes out that Solas put up the veil in the first place and took it down too. The Chantry either outright claims or strongly insinuates that the maker put up the veil. It’s the cornerstone of their entire faith. Also, in the story Genetivi Dies in the End in Tevinter Nights, Genetivi is absolutely wrecked by the discovery that everything he’s ever written as a travelling Chantry Scholar has been a lie. The Chantry is going down.

So, there’s gonna be some chaos there. And that’s not going to be Solas’s fault because that veil is coming down anyway.

And can you imagine the absolutely hilarious chaos that’s gonna happen when word leaks that an elven god-mage was the one who is technically the ‘maker’ by Chantry doctrine? With all the horrific racism and sheer awfulness the Chantry has done to elves over the centuries? I’m popping popcorn.

I think we’re gonna see Felassan again. Cause that elf isn’t dead. And no, Solas didn’t kill him. Please trust me, I’ve combed through all the lore, I’ve read The Masked Empire where it supposedly happened several times, and there is not a shred of actual proof that Solas was the one who did the deed. It’s a Weekes misdirection again. They've got the nickname Tricksy Weekes for a reason.

The actual facts about the 'murder'.

It was someone Felassan worked for.

Someone he knew.

Someone who he knew wouldn't listen to his reasoning. (Solas has been shown to actually listen to his friends and let them change his mind.)

Someone who could very likely have been female because Felassan likens the murderer to Brialla.

It was someone who could fade-walk or move in the fade.

Mythal can do that.

A Somniari/Dreamer can also fade-walk.

Probably most of the still extant Elvhenan can do it (which there were quite a few of in Mythal’s temple).

And we know from DA2 that at least one modern born Somniari/Dreamer exists in the world.

Point being, there’s no actual ‘Solas killed Felassan’ spelled out anywhere. No, not even in Cole's lines in Trespasser. Those lines only indicate that Solas knows about Felassan’s ‘death’ and that he’s sad about it. Cole talks in riddles and references to modern TV shows all the time. I have no idea why people take him even remotely literally.

I have a few theories about this.

IF Felassan’s spirit actually was killed in the fade (possible) his body wasn’t. His body would’ve been just lying there in the woods breathing like any other Somniari. Possibly made tranquil (which we know can be reversed).

What if Solas lost his original body in putting up the Veil?

What if he had a deal with Felassan or maybe came to Felassan to help him get back to his body after the attack and Felassan decided he was done and wanted to move on?

They're said to be friends. Never said to be employer/employee.

If Solas was awake and in the fade and sensed an attack on Felassan, he'd certainly have gone to help.

What if he gave his body to Solas?

Felassan's 'death' chronologically lines up to when Solas 'woke up'.

Felassan has purple eyes. So does Solas.

Felassan has fade-green magic. So does Solas.

Felassan is incredibly powerful. Stares at Solas.

Felassan knows far more about Fen'harel than even a scholar would.

Felassan knew far more about Eluvians, ancient Elvhenan, and The Forgotten Ones (Imshael is a Forgotten One) than anyone would reasonably expect any elf to know.

Felassan let Imshael see into his head about what was coming in the future. Which Imshael almost got off on. Imshael loves destruction and chaos.

I can make a list as long as my arm on similarities there. So, either Solas didn’t kill Felassan and the old? Felassan will be in the game once the veil falls, or it will be revealed that Solas has actually been wearing a (voluntary because a soul cannot take a body involuntarily) Felassan suit the entire time.

Probably blew some minds there, huh?

So given that Weekes has said that if Felassan was a popular enough character they would consider bringing him back… I think it’s likely we’ll see something to do with him again.

Also? The sheer hilarity factor of elves who do not want magic (Fenris anyone?) getting magic returned to them is going to be sweet.

I think we’ll see blood magic as a much bigger mechanic than in previous games. (And I hope they did some work on it to make it make more sense this time.) The game is going to have a lot of Tevinter content. Blood magic is a big deal there. Ergo… it’s likely.

Given some of the things that happened in Tevinter Nights, which honestly really feels like a teaser book to DA4 (I really hate the Veilguard name) I think it’s likely that we’ll see the Templars again. They’ve been in every game and book so far. I doubt they’d get rid of the useless bastards in this one.

Given some of the things in Tevinter Nights, I think it’s possible we’ll see just as many puzzles as we did in DAI, if not more. I’m hoping for more. I do love puzzles in these kinds of games.

I believe it’s highly possible that whoever drank from the Well is going to be completely fucked. Especially, if they follow a ‘kill Solas’ route. Remember who the well binds you to in Trespasser? Bingo.

I think it’s very likely that someone close to the main character is going to be a dual agent of Fen’harel. And it will not be someone we expect. We’re all gonna be side eyeing the mages after the last three games. But what if it’s a warrior or rogue who hides their magic? There was at least one character that completely hid their magic in Tevinter Nights.

We’re going to see more of the Evanuris and The Nameless/Forgotten ones. I base that on Imshael being in DAI and in Masked Empire and some of the dialogue between Felassan and Imshael.

Titans. We’re going to see the titans waking up and being royally pissed off. This is going to cause so much chaos for the dwarves. Who will also regain magic and a kinda creepy hive-mind thing, too. Again. That’s not going to be Solas’s fault.

We’ll have at least one Gala event. Very possibly in Minrathous or Vyrantium. Hopefully with better clothing.

Finally, for things I think likely… The Grand Necropolis in Nevarra is gonna burn. People seem to forget that Solas doesn’t just fight for the freedom of the Elves. He fights for the freedom of spirits too.

In case you haven’t read it… the Nevarran’s imprison spirits in the corpses of their dead using mages called the Mortalitasi. I really don’t think that is going to sit well with Solas. In fact, I know it doesn’t. It’s spelled out in Tevinter Nights.

I think it’s probably going to be a quest line for the main character to go and save the necropolis or let it burn to free the spirits. This, of course, will be one of the choices that matter and likely another pinch point on whether Solas goes dark or gets a redemption arc. It will also deeply affect Nevarran politics and the way the country is run. The Mortalitasi basically rule the monarchs of Nevarra sooooo. It’s gonna cause chaos there too.

We’ll obviously see a lot of chaos with the Qunari. Their culture is splintering already. The Antaam have decided to go off the rails and attack anything and everything. Maybe the Ben-Hassrath will be able to rein that in. Maybe not. I don’t have very many predictions on the Qunari to be honest. They’re at war with Tevinter at the end of Tevinter Nights so that war will figure heavily in the game, most likely. But how that’s going to play out I haven’t a clue.

Some mechanics I think we might see.

Fade-touched weaponry that can stop mages.

Elemental interactions. (IE: Magic lightning x water = lots of zap)

Magically treated arrows.

More magical bombs and poison effects. (I might be just wishfully dreaming there because one of the things I miss from DAO is the poisons and traps mechanics. They felt like an afterthought in DA2 and DAI. I want to be able to make cool traps and set up ambushes again.) But there was that story with Dorian in Tevinter Nights where several of those things were used, so maybe? It would be cool.

I think it’s likely that we’ll see the Despair Demon from Tevinter Nights. And I’m still so mad that they fired the writer of that story. It’s one of my favourites.

Some things that are very possible? But I’m not sure of and could just be wishful thinking.

I think we might see Abelas again. (Abelas romance? Pretty please? ❌😭) His story does have one of those endings that kills him so it’s possibly just wishful thinking. But they brought Leliana back for DAI, so I don’t see why they couldn’t with Abelas too. And also, I have a voice kink and love his VA Matthew Gravelle.

We might see non-linear storytelling. I kind of hope we do because I love non-linear storytelling. Perhaps one storyline will be Arlathan (through dreams or time travel perhaps?) and the fall of it so we finally get some answers to all of this lore. (Please let us get some answers!)

We may see some problems from a rather irrational faction of people who say they’re working for Solas but are using methods he would never approve of. They may be sort of like the Venatori in the last game. Though I do think it’s likely we might have to fight a few more of the Venatori too. ✅ They’re still out there having really messed up rituals and stuff to destroy things.

I think it’s possible given a few clues in the lore and in Tevinter Nights that we’re either going to see not just a double blight (regular darkspawn and red lyrium darkspawn) but a triple blight with the green/yellow lyrium found in Ghilan'nain’s labs. Remember that Ramesh only destroyed one of them. There are eleven more. I think that’s going to very possibly be a big part of this game.

Settings/Levels/Areas I think likely.

So, we already know that the game will be taking place in the north of THEDAS. That’s a no brainer after the map reveal in the teaser.

But where exactly will they take us?

In Tevinter, I think it’s very possible we’ll see Minrathous ✅ and Vyrantium. We may see the Black Divine’s/Archon’s palace.

We’ll see Arlathan Forest. ✅ That I’m almost certain of. We’ll probably also see ancient Arlathan somehow. (Dreams or barely used time-travel mechanic from DAI?)

We’re going to be spending a lot of time in the deep roads and even farther below the deep roads. And dear developers please let me have some answers to all this lore.

We may spend some time inside a Titan again.

Pre-veil drop, we may spend some time in the fade. I actually hope that with the veil dropping we get to rescue whoever got left behind in DAI. That would make my heart so happy.

We’re likely to see the crossroads at least a little bit.

Antiva! Gods I’m looking forward to seeing Antiva.

Anderfels/Weisshaupt. We have no idea at the end of DAI or Tevinter Nights or Last Flight what the hell is going on up there, so I think we’ll have to find out in the game. Also… more chaos that is most definitely not Solas’s fault.

Rivain?

I think we’ll see the Golden City. And the Black City. Which is likely the same place.

And I don’t think it’s up in the sky. I think it’s deep underground below the deep roads.

Ships! I think we’re going to see some more ships. That’s based on a story in Tevinter nights and some of the splash art. But gods I really want more ships. Especially in a place like Minrathous or Antiva for fuck’s sake!

I think we might see some underwater levels for various reasons. And I hope we do.

These next things are honestly my hopes and dreams that would make me so happy, but I have little to back them up with as far as lore or books/comics and supplementary materials.

Polyamory options. PLEASE give me polyam romance options. BG3 did it. It’s 2024 and only 30% of dating people are monogamous. Get with the times!

I want CC body sliders so bad. ✅ Give me the ability to make a fat player character please! Not just because a lot of gamers tend to be on the heavier side but honestly? Because a fat adventurer is going to be able to go farther than any skinny twig. Real strong men/women/enbies do not look like gym bunnies and models. They have a good layer of fat over that muscle for stability. Guess what fat is? It’s energy storage. A fat adventurer is going to be able to survive longer than a twig. I could go on… but come on Bioware. Be brave. Let me have a fat adventurer.

Decent. Fucking. Hair. ✅ Please let the CC have decent hair options. LONG hair options! Let me have my long haired elfy prince dude!

Isabela cameo. She’s one of my favourite DA2 characters and some of the early splash art makes me hopeful we’ll see her again.

I’m hoping for DAO origin style stories for the Main Player Character. But ideally? We’d have something like BG3 where we could play one of a number of origin stories or make our own blank slate character. ❌ Given the gossip going around the gaming community I’m thinking this is unlikely, but damn do I want it.

Useful. Mounts. Please let us have actually useful mounts. And GRIFFONS. ✅ Give me flying mounts you cowards!

Prosthetic using characters. ✅ Bioware has the worst track record when it comes to ableism, but gods please. They’ve got it set up perfectly with Inky losing their arm. There’s a prosthetic leg user in Tevinter Nights. PLEASE LET ME HAVE PROSTHETIC USING CHARACTERS.

Better Crafting Options. The crafting was okay in DAI. Especially if you mod it in so you can buy the stuff to do so easier (I really hate killing dragons but it’s the best crafting material!). But it also often felt more like an afterthought?

Better. Clothes. Seriously. Give me some razzle dazzle with the clothing. ESPECIALLY since we’re going to Tevinter where how you dress is absolutely important!

I know this is sniffing the genie smoke here, but could we have actually attractive armour options? With BRIGHT colours? Research shows that a lot of historical armour was 1. Gorgeous and well fitting. 2. Brightly painted! Let me have bright colours! (And please not the yellow plaid. Ugh.)

I hope for more gardening options in whatever base we end up using. I loved the gardening options in DAI, but they weren’t big enough for my plant loving heart.

I really want to see Solas in flying Wolfie form. We see him like that in Tevinter Nights. So, I really hope we get to see him like that in game.

Finally… and I know I’m high on my own hopes here… I really hope we get the gifting options back. Completely unattached to approval is fine. I just want to be able to find the perfect gift for my companions like I do in real life with my friends. It brings me so much joy.

Things they’re likely to fuck up.

Sadly, I think there’s some things Bioware is very likely to fuck up. This could just be me being too pessimistic, but they’ve screwed these things up throughout the entire series and to my knowledge they didn’t hire any diversity consultants in the making of DA4 sooooo…

Ableism. Bioware has a terrible record when it comes to ableism. ✅ (the demon design is going to cause visual strain and possibly bad effects for epileptic gamers).

White-washing. The North of THEDAS is like the South of Earth. If they make most of the people there have light skin I will probably boycott the fuck out of Bioware for the rest of my life.

No fat character ability in CC.

Really fucked up hair options. Seriously Bioware. It’s bad.

And I think they’re going to be in trouble when it comes to the Lords of Fortune. Look. I love the idea of the class and I even love how a lot of them are described in the books. But it’s absolutely glomming onto the stereotype of the Romani, and I don’t think that’s going to go over well at all. It won’t for me with my Romani heritage, and it really shouldn’t for anyone. Cause you know what that stereotypical usage is? It’s Racism. Bioware also doesn’t have the best track record regarding racism either.

As more thoughts come to me I’ll either append stuff to this post or do others (probably the latter.)

And here are my links if you’d like to donate to the cause of me actually getting to play this game when it comes out. I’m disabled, so largely use a laptop because I’m in bed a lot. That’s probably going to be a pricey laptop. Though I’d be almost as happy with enough to buy a desk, chair, and tower computer set up (none of which I have). If you’re able to donate and so minded… thank you so very very much!

And if you're in Canada like me you can use Interac. [email protected].

As always, thanks for reading my rambles!

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funkymbtifiction · 2 years

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hi, i’m the anon who asked about being estp or enfj, and i do agree with being more exxj. the question about being esfj is interesting though since i’ve always thought i was on the fe-ti and se-ni axis, and so i never considered esfj.

the ways i relate to si-ne is that i am a practical person and like some comfortability. of course, too much stagnancy in my life gets boring and i’ll desire change, but for the most part, i do like being in situations that are familiar and known. i’ll practice consistently until i fully understand something so that i won’t risk being surprised or clueless. i also will recommend methods that worked for me to someone else, because i know it’s reliable. i learn from mistakes and most likely, i'll never repeat the same one, since it sticks in my memory. i also turn to things that give me comfort when anxious, like certain songs and shows. i love sensory activities and can sometimes overspend when in a low mood.

as for ni, i do think i use more se than ni. but compared to ne, ne can brainstorm out loud and collaborate with others during the process, while i tend to keep to myself. i need to ensure what i say/do is the right thing and will often write out what i want to say before discussing it out loud. i can also be a perfectionist when it’s something related to my future, like the exam for nursing school. the implications that it would determine if i was accepted into nursing school led me to study excessively and sort of get tunnel vision, neglecting my physical needs. i couldn’t see any other option if i failed that exam. i can also be quick to dismiss romantic interests if they don’t align with the future i see, like if they don’t want to get married. there’s no use in being together now if we’ll break up in the future. i also feel lost when i feel i don't have a purpose and will turn to what i can do to help others and make the world a better place, like volunteering.

that’s about it, i don’t really understand the perceiving functions, but i hope this was enough? thanks so much in advance!

It could be either one, but if you feel ENFJ fits best overall, go with that. It does sound like you are singularly future focused, which is more Ni than Si (ESFJs keep their options open, ENFJs tend to narrow them).

I recommend you study my INJ and ISJ sections on funkymbti.com to get a clearer sense of what the perceiving functions do (it will change somewhat in the second position, as I outline in my book, but it should still be recognizable "that's what I do sometimes!"). :)

#question #mbti

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dramashii · 2 years

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Drama Update

The truth is I have a million things to do. I feel like this semester is either going to end me or I will end it soon. But here I am actively looking for a new drama to binge rather than finding a proponent to fund my organization’s activities; here I am typing this thing rather than the speech I will be doing on Tuesday. It feels like I am deliberately sabotaging my future (Maybe I am.) But I was never good at making the right decisions. So, here we are today.

I’m currently watching 3 dramas. If you’ve scrolled down in my profile, you will find out that those 3 dramas are: Crash Course in Romance, Our Blooming Youth, and The Starry Love. The latter being my new obsession. It’s so funny, I swear. People should give it more hype. I don’t see much people posting about it on Tumblr. It’s not perfect by any means, but it’s been great at making me forget my academic responsibilities (lmao). Although my week is jampacked with dramas (The Starry Love airs two episodes every day except on Fridays and Saturdays. I’m literally watching an episode every single day.), it still feels like it’s not enough. I need to be overwhelmed by the dramas I’m watching. I’ve read some where that reading a book in one sitting was like drinking one whole bottle of wine by yourself. I actually agree and I want to feel like that when I binge-watch a tv show.

I have made attempts. I was in episode 2 of a Thai Drama called My Forever Sunshine when I decided that I actually want to watch a fantasy Cdrama along side The Starry Love. That it is why I stumbled into the rabbit hole of Cdrama edits in Youtube. I ended up watching The Blue Whisper, but like the previous drama I mentioned, I only ended up in episode 2. It’s not bad but I just wasn’t in the mood.

I was also thinking of finishing dramas, whose episodes I’d missed. Strangers Again ended last Thursday, but I still haven’t gotten around watching the last 8 episodes. I also haven’t finished The Interests of Love. Maybe I’ll get back to them soon or by the end of the year.

I’m also eyeing on watching The Heavenly Idol and Taxi Driver Season 2 but I’m seriously not in the mood to watch something that’s not yet completed as of the time of writing.

Right now I’m just craving for a cute romcom to turn my head off for a minute or for like 16 hours. I really really don’t want to face my responsibilities until tomorrow.

Anyways, this is my drama update for now. Until next time!

#kdramashii #drama update:kdramashii

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hellabigsimp · 2 years

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Back To You (5)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!reader / Winter Soldier x Fem!reader

Summary: Hydra has a way of hiding secrets and one of them just happened to be you. The support Soldat to the famous Winter Soldier himself. But in a mission gone wrong, things changes, and life just isn’t as it seems.

Warnings: mentions of sex, mentions of depression/ptsd, anxiety, blood, angst, fluff (in the very beginning and then it all goes downhill, sorry not sorry)

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: I am definitely mixing aspects from civil war into this story and I really couldn’t care less. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I love the first half a lot, 1940’s Bucky has become an actually addiction at this point. I personally love writing him a lot.

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Six Part Seven

Masterlist

Taglist: @matchat3a @locht3ssmonster @cjand10

“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” You ask, bringing your hand through the bubbles in the bath, watching as they pop. The sweet smell of whatever soap Bucky used was tingling your nose, the steam from the hot bath making your hair stick to your forehead. “Are you nervous?”

Bucky breathes in deeply; you could feel it as you were pressed close against him, his hard and warm against your bare back. His hands trailed up your arms, his fingertips leaving wet trails, you weren’t sure if the residual heat was left from his touch or the water, either way it made you hum in pleasure. “I’m not nervous, I think I’d say it more sadness.”

You tilt your head back, looking up at him with inquisitive eyes. Bucky was always cheerful, you had never known him to get so down and depressed with things, but this was different. Just looking at him now, you could see to evidence of the sadness and worry etched on his face. Over the countless days and nights, you had spent together, Bucky was becoming more like a favourite book of yours to read. You had learned all the quirks and tell-tale signs of his moods. You knew when something was troubling him, but he fought hard to smile, mainly for Steve’s sake.

“Why sad? I thought you were glad that you would be able to go out and help, to make a difference.” It was something you had learned the hard way when it came to Bucky and Steve, those two had these delusional ideals of being a hero, helping for the greater good, to secure the future for people. You had understood where they were coming from, but you knew the reality of heroes, you saw them in the infirmary dying and forgotten by the world for their own sacrifice.

He gives you a soft smile before kissing your forehead, his lips lingering on your skin, sending butterflies to your stomach as his minty breath caressed your skin. The small gesture made you close your eyes, relishing in his affection. Bucky was always one to shower you in affection, but there were times like this where you were both hidden away from the world, and you could relish in his adoration. “Because I’ll be leaving you behind. Leaving my beautiful lover behind, all alone.”

You let out a small laugh, the steam and hot water covering up the blush that spread over your cheeks. Although you loved hearing him calling you his lover, you couldn’t dismiss what he was saying. It was true, he was leaving you behind, but you didn’t see it that way. He was just working. You had to keep telling yourself that.

You had to keep a happy front on, otherwise the sadness that was creeping in would take its hold and the tears would fall freely. You let the sadness win when you were alone, where you could let it all out without having to worry Bucky. You never wanted Bucky to see you like that, you could already tell it tore him up to leave you here. “You forget, Steve will be with me. We’ll keep each other company.”

Bucky rest his chin gently on your forehead. “Make sure you check on him Doll, I don’t want him to get in to trouble when I’m not around.”

Bucky and Steve’s friendship was something you could never hold a candle too. They were like two peas in a pod. Brothers in another life, you were sure. They came as a package deal when you and Bucky had become more serious. But you didn’t mind, you cared for Steve dearly, like a brother.

“I will, don’t you worry.”

“I do worry. I’m leaving you all alone, going to fight this war.” He huffed, resting his head against the wall behind him, the water shifting slightly around you both with the sudden movement. “I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“I am not worried about that Bucky,” You replied quickly, grabbing his hand. You took each finger, placing small kisses on each one. “You are an excellent soldier. Plus, with the thought of me at home, waiting for you, well I’m sure you’ll be winning this war in no time.”

The hearty laugh from Bucky made your insides warm. You loved this man with your whole heart. There was no one else for you, he was it. If something ever happened, not that you wanted to think about it, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself.

“That is true Doll, that is very true.”

The silence the settled around you both was comfortable, but you could tell Bucky still had something on his mind. His fingers were twitching, his foot tapping against the bottom of the bathtub, he was antsy. “What's going on in that handsome head of yours?”

Bucky sighed. “You know that I’ll always find my way to you, you know that right?”

You remember his promise a couple of days ago, when you were out dancing together. He had promised you that no matter what, he would always find a way back to you. You were his home, his life. You couldn’t forget a declaration like that.

“I know, what’s this about?”

“I worry that after I come back from the war, I’ll be different. There are horror stories in the barracks, of men who lose themselves during the war, who are haunted by the things that happen that they don’t come back the same. I worry that I will lose sight of you. That I won’t know where to look.”

The raw intensity in his voice made you shiver and your heart break slightly. Of course, as a nurse you had heard the horrors of war, how it could break a man’s spirit. You had never thought that this would worry Bucky this much.

“Well, why don’t we meet somewhere after you come home? I’ll meet you where you first said I love you to me, do you remember?” You could remember the day easily. There was a little park further out of the city that you both had stumbled upon after being out on a picnic together, it had suddenly started to rain, and you both took shelter under the wooden gazebo. Both soaked to the bone, he had looked at you like you held the sun and moon. He had grabbed you and kissed you deeply, murmuring about how much he loved you.

You could never forget that day.

Bucky paused, thinking back to the day, a ghost smile on his lips, before humming in agreement. “You are forever mine Doll. It’s a date. Even if I feel lost and unsure, we’ll meet there.”

The two of you stayed in the bath for another hour, until your fingers had pruned, and the water had run cold. You got out first, grabbing one of the towels off the rack, you start to dry you body. You could feel the familiar prick in your skin of someone watching you.

You look over your shoulder, spotting Bucky eyeing up for body, a hunger in his eyes, his lip pulled between his teeth. He looked delicious to you, laid back in the bath, his hair slightly damp, his chest wet, the evident desire for you.

“Like what you see James?” You rarely used his first name, but you liked to tease him sometimes. Neither of you had broached the subject of sex, there had been kissing and a few touches here and there, but nothing further. If this was to be your last night together for a while, you wanted him to have every inch of you, body and soul. You had been thinking about it for a few weeks now, ever since you found out he was leaving.

He brings his arms up on the side of the bathtub, resting his chin on them. He finally looks up at your face. “You know I do Doll; I am addicted to you.”

Bucky did have a bad case of wondering hands, especially when you were dancing. His hands would slide a little low and hold on to you tightly. It seemed like his couldn’t touch you enough, even when he was touching you, it just wasn’t enough for him.

“Well, why don’t I help with that addiction,” You drop the towel in a heap on the floor, leaving yourself bare, you skin flushed with desire. “Give you the fix that you need?”

You didn’t wait to hear his reply as you saunter out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, your cheeks aflame. You had never been so bold with him, but this was it. This was the moment.

You could hear the sound of Bucky rushing to get out the bath, water sloshing onto the floor and a few choice words from Bucky as he suddenly appears, breathing heavily in the doorway of the bathroom, his eyes wide, his mouth open in mid-pant.

You were sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back on your hands, your chest jutting out for him to see. You didn’t miss his glance down to your breasts, his pupils dilating, him licking his lips.

“Do you really mean it beautiful?” He asks. “You want to have sex with me?”

“Of course, Bucky,” You smile. “I’m in love with you. I want to do it with no one else but you. I want you to make love to me Bucky.”

He didn't need tell twice. He stalked forward, stopping in front of you, his cock already erect. You couldn’t take your eyes off it, you mouth was suddenly dry, swallowing seemed impossible. The skin seemed to velvet and soft, you wanted to reach out and touch him, see how he would react.

Bucky dropped to his knees, pushing your knees apart as he shuffled forward. He cupped your cheeks with both hands, making you look at him. “You mean it? If we do this, I won’t be able to let you go, ever.”

You nod, not being able to find the words to speak. With no hesitation, you bring your lips to his, the familiar scent of his body wash and aftershave filling you up. It smelt like home. The kiss didn’t last long as he pulled away, his chest heaving.

“Marry me,” He whispers, his voice low and hoarse, full of love and desire. As he spoke, your heart nearly stopped at the words. “Marry me, Y/n, please.”

You gulped. You already knew the answer. This was your man. You nod again, more vigorously this time. Bucky shakes his head, looking at you earnestly. “I need you to say it out loud fort me. I need to hear it, please.”

“Yes,” You whisper. “Of course, I’ll marry you.”

Buckys face transforms into a grin, pulling your face close to his as he kisses you hungrily. You kissed back with the same hunger, like he was the only man who could give you what you needed.

“Now let me make love to my beautiful fiancé.”

—

You hadn’t wanted to wake up, but the dream fell away like liquid. Your limbs felt heavy, like they weren’t quite connected to your body. Not bothering to open your eyes, you listened trying to figure out what was going on. You weren’t back in the compound on your bed, that was for sure.

There was a hum of an engine along with the sound of people murmuring between themselves. You couldn’t hear much else. There was an overpowering smell of sweat, blood, dust and smoke. As your senses were assaulted with the smells, the memories that were suddenly lost on you hit you like a tidal wave.

Rumlow. The Explosion. Hydra.

The fact that Bucky had left you. Again. You had finally found your way to each other, but there was never going to be a happy ending for the both of you it seemed. Fate were certainly a cruel mistress. You could also remember the reason for the heaviness in your limbs, the muted pain now coming back. They had drugged you. They had stopped you.

You wanted to be angry, to lash out at them, but you couldn’t find it in you. You understood why the did it, even if you didn’t want to agree with them that it was the right thing to do. You had been a broken mess, you still were. You still wanted to go back and take on the whole of Hydra if it meant being by his side.

“We need to get somewhere safe Barton,” you could hear the familiar drawl of Tony’s voice. “They’ve already entered the compound itself. We can’t go back there.”

You open your eyes slowly, taking in your surroundings finally. You were on a jet of some sort. You had been placed on one of the cargo benches in the back, a blanket that was scratchy to touch laid across you. You push yourself up into a sitting position, wincing as you feel the pain in your arm from the fight earlier, it wasn’t broken, most likely dislocated.

It was then you noticed who was sat in front of you on the opposite bench. Steve. He looked like he had seen better days. His face was littered with cuts, a purple bruise forming on his left cheek. His jacket ripped in places, the edges singed, you scrunched up your nose as the faint scent of burning leather. Along with his wounds, he was covered in dirt, grime and blood, you were sure not all of was his though. His shield was resting next to him.

As you looked closer, you noticed the sad expression on his face, the once usual cheery Steve was now where to be seen. Seeing him like this broke something in you, you felt the need to comfort him, but you weren’t sure how.

Next to Steve was Sam. Gone were the metal wings he had on. You could see that he was in not better condition that Steve, his face was covered in dirt and grime. He didn’t have as many wounds, but you could see areas on his shirt were there were patches of blood, his hand resting on his stomach was also bruised heavily. His head was resting against the jet wall, his eyes closed, his breathing even. He was sleeping.

You look over at the front of the jet, there were a few rows of seats, some occupied. You could see Natasha’s red hair in one of them. What you could only assume was Tony, was standing next to the very front seat which a man sat in, flying the jet.

As if he could tell someone was looking at him, Tony turns around, catching your eye. “Ah, sleeping beauty awakens.”

As he announced it, Steve and Natasha look over at you. You weren’t quite sure what to say. Everyone looked beaten and somewhat defeated. You felt exactly the same.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Steve’s voice was full of hurt. You look over at him fully. “Why didn’t you tell me Bucky was alive?”

At the sound of his name, your heart clenches. “I wasn’t sure it was him, I’m sorry. I had assumed it might’ve been him, but my memories and reality still seem so blurred. It wasn’t until Rumlow was talking that I finally understood.”

You drop your head into your hands. It was true. You had assumed that Bucky and the Winter Soldier were the same person after a few memories came back, but you had no reason to trust your mind, but it wasn’t until today you knew for sure. The mind was a fickle thing, and it was hard to tell what was real or not.

“Steve, I’m sure she would’ve told you if she knew for sure.” Natasha spoke, walking over to sit beside Steve, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. She didn’t look too bad, she was covered in dust but she barely had a few scratches on her. “Now we know though, that’s what’s important.”

“But if I had known earlier,” Steve starts.

“Then what Rogers?” Tony interjects, leaning against one of the chairs, his arms crossed over his chest. “Then what? You would’ve gone after him? You had no idea where he was, from what you’ve told us he fell off a train, there was no saving him.”

You flinched at how harsh Tony sounded. You hadn’t remembered how Bucky became the Winter Soldier, that memory was still locked somewhere deep inside of you. If people had thought he had died, you really didn’t want to remember that.

Steve looked over at Tony, his eyes simmering with anger. “Tell me you wouldn’t do the same for Rhodes? Or for Happy? You would’ve gone looked for them too. You would’ve torn the world apart to find them.”

Tony was about to say something when the man upfront spoke. “Sorry to break up your lovers quarrel, but we have arrived.”

The jet starts to descend, the landing smooth and easy. Steve wastes no time at grabbing the shield and leaving as soon as the back of the jet was open. Somewhere during the landing Sam had woken up, he barely spared a glance at everyone, his eyes lingering on you for a few seconds before he followed Steve off without saying anything.

“Tony, did you really have to be that harsh?” Natasha questioned, sending Tony a pointed look. She stood up. “I know that you don’t always see eye to with Rogers, but you don’t have to be so insensitive.”

She didn’t wait around to hear whatever he was going to say.

You look over at Tony and notice how tense he looked. The man from the front stand up and walks over to Tony. He was wearing a leather gear and you could see a couple of arrows left in his quiver that was strapped to his back. “You have such a way with words, Stark. Come on.”

The man leaves the jet, leaving just you and Tony. You hadn’t met the man before, but his features were oddly familiar. His dark hair and bone structure was similar to someone you had seen before, but you really couldn’t put a finger on it.

“Take a picture,” Tony quipped. “It will last longer. Now come on, ass off the jet.”

Leaving the jet, you noticed that you had landed in a large grassy area. The others had stopped, taking in their surroundings as well. There we trees surrounding the large area, a barn and farmhouse situated near where you had landed.

“Where are we Clint?” Steve asks, confusion in his voice, his hand above his eyes as he shields out the sun.

“Welcome to my home,” as the man who flew the plane spoke, Clint you assumed, you could hear the sound of small footsteps and squealing.

“Daddy!”

Out of the farmhouse you could see two children running over your way. You could see Clint smile as he jogged over to meet them halfway, pulling them in for a hug. Seeing the young children, your mind instantly is transported back to the café, at the people that were there. The child’s toy under you foot. The sound of the mother crying out for help, for her baby.

“What the hell is this Barton?” Tony looks down at the kids, puzzled. You try to shake off the feeling of guilt, but it was stuck to you, like a monster on your back, its claws dug into your shoulders. They got hurt because of you, because Hydra was after you. You tried to swallow the thick lump in your throat, but it wasn’t going anywhere.

Trying your hardest, you use all your energy to focus on the group. You noticed how everyone was tense and unsure of what was going on, this place was obviously something they didn’t know about. You look around at the team, trying to gage each of their reactions. The only one who looked like they knew anything was Natasha, who had a small, pained smile as she looked at the two kids.

The kids break the hug and look over at the red head, their eyes widening as the break free of Clint and run over. “Aunt Nat!”

Clint stands up, looking over his shoulder at the group. “They’re my family. Fury helped me set this up when I joined Shield. No one knows about them.”

No one says anything as Clint starts walking towards the house, Natasha following hand in hand with the kids. Not sure what you should do, feeling unsure about being around new people and the children, you follow behind everyone, wrapping your arms around yourself. It was not as comforting as you had hoped.

You felt so out of place.

Inside the farmhouse was cosy, that was the only way you could think about it. There was toys scattered around, along with a lot of handmade wooden furniture. There was a faint smell of something sweet with a hint of cinnamon. It smelt like comfort.

A woman hobbled up to the group as you filtered in, her hand resting in her large pregnant belly. She was pretty with her long dark hair, her smile beaming.

“You didn’t tell you were coming, especially with guests,” she said, chuckling as Clint hugged her, placing a kiss in her cheek. The affection made your chest ache, thinking back to how affectionate Bucky was in your memory.

This could’ve been you. This sort of life could’ve been what you and Bucky had, waiting for your husband to come home from work, kids running around. You could imagine what little replicas of Bucky would be like.

Instead, reality was cruel and cold. You were both broken, robbed of a life that could’ve been.

“Sorry, we wouldn’t have come if we had anywhere else to go,” Steve stepped forward. “We will try not to get under your feet.”

The woman waved her hands, laughing. “Don’t worry. As you can see you can’t really step anywhere in here without stepping on something. I’m also used to Clint’s antics at this point, plus I wouldn’t deny the Avengers a place to rest. Call me Laura by the way.”

Clint stands next to Laura, his hand on the small of her back, pride in his eyes as he watches her. He looks back at the team, eyes resting on you last. You hadn’t been introduced yet, but he seemed to know exactly who you were. “We have plenty of room. Why don’t you guys get settled? We can discuss plans tomorrow.”

The team agreed. Everyone needed some rest. Clint showed everyone to their rooms, Sam and Steve were sharing with Tony, while you were sharing with Natasha.

The room was nice. Nicer than you were used to as a Hydra soldier, you were used to sleeping rough. You sat on the bed, finding the mattress too soft. At the compound you had found yourself sleeping in the floor most of the time, the coldness on your back a was an odd comfort that soothed you to sleep most nights.

“How are you doing?”

You look up at Natasha. She was leaning against the wall, looking at you. You couldn’t quite get a read on her. You had seen her train and was impressed; she was also good at hiding her emotions. Almost too good. She was trained well.

You let out a sharp laugh at the question. How were you doing? You weren’t sure you could put it into words.

“I’m not sure. There’s a lot going on in my head, memories are always coming back to me, some more difficult to swallow then others. Like a bitter pill I guess.”

“I meant about him. About Bucky.” You swallow the lump in your throat as Natasha carried on. “I saw how you acted when Sam brought you back. I may not know much about love and heartbreak, but that was definitely the reaction of a woman who was suffering. Sam didn’t really explain what had happened.”

You close your eyes, remembering how Bucky looked, the war in his eyes between himself and the Winter Soldier. They were the same person but at the same time, they weren’t. You understood it completely. Looking back at your own time with Hydra, you knew that whoever they made you to be, wasn’t the real you. They had created a monster.

You remember his words clear as day, like he was there now, whispering them in your ear.

‘I’ll be back for you.’

“I’d rather not talk about it.” You finally say, your voice low and thick with pain. “If it alright with you, I’ll shower first.”

You get up, not bothering to look at Natasha as you walk past her and into the bathroom attached to the room. You shut the door, locking it behind you.

You just wanted to be alone. Although it scared you to be alone with your thoughts, you also couldn’t voice them. You weren’t sure how to feel, but you knew that the pain in your chest was definitely from Bucky.

He had left you. He had pushed you away just after promising to find you again. You knew he was a broken man, a man fighting something that seemed daunting and impossible, you were exactly the same. Hydra had its claws dug deep into the both of you.

Bucky was scared of this, scared of not being able to come back to you the same man. The memory still fresh in your mind, how you had comforted him. You had spoken about him being a different man, one of his worse fears coming true. You wanted to help him, to make him see that he was still the same man inside.

But you weren’t sure he was. Because you weren’t sure you were either. You weren’t the woman you used to be. The woman in your memories, the woman who was supposed to be you was so far from how you were now. You were filled with darkness, guilt and enough bloodshed to last a lifetime. Gone was the woman who helped people, who wanted to make a difference in the world in her own way. The shell of the woman was left, empty and hollow.

You had wanted a different life than this. One with Bucky. Where you two could be happy, where you could be together forever. But now faced with the reality of it, with the reality that maybe you two couldn’t be together, that it all seemed hopeless. You were left with the scraps of a life you didn’t even want, left with the scraps Hydra had force fed you.

Useless. That’s what Rumlow had said, and here and now you had never felt more useless in your life.

You turn the shower on, letting the hot water cascade over you, washing away the grime and dirt from the fight, but also washing away the places Bucky touched, the memory of him. For just a little while, you wanted to imagine things had gone differently for the both of you. That this was your house and not Clint’s and Laura’s.

As you stood under the shower, you couldn’t hold it back anymore, the tears falling fast, your chest heaving as sobs wracked through your body. It was times like this you wished you could go back to not feeling.

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catboyantichrist · 3 years

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Hi there! Can you please do relationship headcanons of a gender neutral MC with autism and ADHD dating the seven brothers? I’d love to see more positive writing of a neurodivergent MC and how each of the brothers would love and respect them regardless of their disabilities. Feel free to do this if you want to. If not, that’s ok! Have a great day! 😁👍🌷🌹🌺🌸🌼🌻🌷🌹🌻🌼🌸🌺

This ask literally made me squeal- my neurodivergent ass is gonna have way too much fun with this- LMAO Just a warning, I'm basing this mainly off of my personal experiences (I have ADHD and am possibly getting tested for atypical autism in the future.). Ill try to be as broad as possible but I'd just like to give a heads up.

Just know that if you don't relate to this post or something in it, that doesn't mean you aren't valid! Everyone experiences neurodivergencey differently ^^

☆The Brothers Dating A GN!MC With Autism & ADHD☆

Day-to-day life has always been a struggle. As it feels like no human truly understands why you function the way you do. From bosses, to teachers, to neurotypical friends. Life can feel draining and like a chore when you're living in a world that doesn't function the way you do.

Then your world literally changes. You're in the devildom now. Most people would be terrified that they're living in a house full of demons. But you weren't. You felt like you finally belonged, and eventually you finally found love. Something that people assumed you'd never be able to find. Well jokes on them because your lover treats you with so much respect and kindness, and of course you do the same. This is some of what your lover does that just makes your heart spin:

Lucifer:

-Much to your dismay, before Lucifer started to get to know you he was similar to the humans you've encountered in the past. This doesn't last long though as one of the brothers (most likely Leviathan or Mammon) try to explain. He begins to go a bit easier on you, and also falls for you.

-When you guys start dating, he makes it his goal to help make your day-to-day life easier. Dare I say, he takes pride in it. (Hahahah aren't I funny?)

-He notices how you need a schedule to function, but how much you hate schedules. So with your permission, he makes a loose schedule and follows it WITH you. It simultaneously helps you function more than usual, and it helps Lucifer take breaks when he needs to.

-You two begin to do everything together, as doing stuff together and holding each other accountable is a lot easier than doing it alone

-If someone ever dares to make a rude comment about you Lucifer will um... "take care of them".

-If you ever get overstimulated from the environment you're in, Lucifer keeps his office wide open as a quiet place for you. He keeps a weighted blanket, some headphones and any stim toys you usually use in a corner of his office. If you're not comfortable with them out in the open he'll keep them in a special box somewhere in his office that others can't get into.

Mammon:

-Executive Dysfunction gang! The both of you are relieved that you understand each other and some dumbass wont just go "jUsT gEt Up aNd dO iT!"

-If you guys are struggling with it at different times, you'll try to help each other do small tasks that require very limited effort so that one of you don't get overwhelmed and stressed out. If its a particularly difficult day, you'll just stay there to support the other if they want that.

-If both of you are struggling that day, you do nothing ✨together✨ and just vibe with each others company.

-This man brings you shiny things. They don't even have to be worth anything, they're just shiny. You proceed to do the same. You two now have a designated spot for shiny things you bring each other. If you have an interest in art, you and him will probably end up using the shiny objects as art projects.

-A LOT of impulse shopping. You guys enable each other. Although you quickly realize that you impulse shop for each other. Every second day you end up bringing each other gifts and laughing about it after.

Leviathan:

-Y'know that arm thing two neurodivergent people do when they find out that the other person is neurodivergent? Yeah you two did that. And still continue to do that. It's your greeting now.

-You two spend tons of time either cuddling and talking about your special interests together, or both of you are pacing around Levi's room talking about your special interests together.

-And if you end up having the same special interest?? Oh man the serotonin you two both get just being AROUND each other.

-If you have a hard time around tons of people (in general or just at certain times) he's more than willing to share his room with you and for you two to do online school together. I mean hey, doing school by yourself online is difficult. (Even if it's more comfortable for you both)

-Will he get you a matching pair of noise cancelling headphones if you have auditory sensory issues, or if you just like the pressure on your head. (I don't know if that's a neurodivergent thing but I will wear my headphones just so that I feel some sort of pressure on my head)

-You both communicate what you need, and whether you need alone time or not. Making sure not to trigger any form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria for eachother.

Satan:

-If you were one of those neurodivergent kids that spent all of their time in the library, going through books like wildfire in middle school, get ready for that to be reignited.

-You two will read together all the time, and if you're having a day where you're more fidgety and don't wanna stay still, Satan is more than happy reading to you while you pace around.

-Satan has a natural curiosity, and loves to learn about anything that he doesn't already know about. So if you have a special interest about your own neurodivergency, he is more than happy to listen to you ramble about your life experiences and symptoms.

-Honestly, it doesn't even have to be about neurodivergency, Satan is happy to listen and learn about anything you're interested currently.

-If you aren't big on physical affection from humans or, well... humanoid people, that's perfectly fine! That's what animals are for! He'll take you to a cat cafe and will enjoy spending time with the animals with you.

-Similar to Lucifer, if anyone makes a comment about the way you act, they wont live to see another day. Unlike Lucifer, the demons who say these comments don't even finish their sentence. They're dead before MC blinks.

Asmodeus:

-When Asmodeus finds out that you have sensory issues that affect what you wear, he decides to hand-make clothes with fabrics of your choice. He has no issue with you prioritizing comfort over appearance, but if you want to put effort into your appearance and texture is stopping you, he's more than happy to design some stuff for you.

-Asmodeus has always been a touchy person, but if you aren't comfortable with that he'd never force you to cuddle. If you are interested in physical affection one of his favourite things to do is put makeup on your face, or just touch your face.

-Speaking of which, if you ever impulsively cut your hair whether it be from breakdown, normal impulsivity, or sensory issues with your hair being longer. He'll always help you cut your hair. He wants to make sure that once you cut it, you wont regret it the next day.

-Depending on whether you like going outside or not (or if its depending on the day) he's more than happy to take you to the fall! He'll make sure you're always comfortable and if you need the attention diverted from you if you need a break!

-If you don't like going outside, Asmo will dedicate certain nights for just you two to hang out. He can always energy match you. Hyperactive? Oh he's right there with you bouncing of the walls. Calmer? He doesn't mind just vibing with you. Comfort? Oh you've come to the right guy.

-Asmodeus is very emotionally intelligent, it may have originally been for the wrong purposes (charming others) but now he can use it to help you work through issues with socializing with others, past traumas from other people, he'll always do his best to support you as long as you'd do the same for him!

Beelzebub:

-Beel is always well meaning, but whether you're neurodivergent or neurotypical, communication is key with him. So, if you're unintentionally blunt to neurotypical people, that's exactly what Beel needs and wants. He knows you don't mean it out of harm, you're just trying to state your boundaries.

-Do you need a weighted blanket? This man will become the weighted blanket. He wants to make sure you're comfortable at all times!

-If you have trouble eating, Beel is here to help. If you take meds for ADHD and they make you lose your appetite, or just general forgetfulness, he'll remind you to have at least some sort of small snack throughout the day. Nothing too filling, just enough so that you aren't running on zero food throughout the day.

-All the go-to and comfort foods that you had in the human world? Beel would make it his MISSION to get them, and TONS of it too. It's the only food in the house he wont eat because he knows how important it is to you. He will tear up a bit if you offer to share though.

-If you're in a hyperactive mood, or anxious, Beel will convince you to do some light exercise with him to help calm you down

Belphegor:

-If you have trouble sleeping, Belphie will definitely try and help. Ranging from cuddling, aroma therapy, getting Beel to do exercise with you. To more magical means (if you're comfortable with it) like sleeping powder.

-If you just have a different internal clock than the average person, that's fine too! It may be permanent but that's okay- Belphie will sleep at any time with you.

-Isn't generally a social person so if you're not that big of a fan of social interaction you don't have to worry. Belphie would even do online school with you!

-He would let you use his pillows and blankets to stim if that's something you're interested in. He'd also listen to you ramble about your interests while doing so! As long as you don't mind him talking about the stars afterwards.

-Definitely the most blunt out of his brothers, so communication wouldn't be an issue between you two. If his bluntness is a bit too harsh for you he'll try to tone it down a bit, but it would probably just end up as him trying to explain the reasoning behind the bluntness and how it's not out of harm.

#neurodivergent!MC obey me #obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me shall we date #obey me x reader

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nemeseos-noctua · 4 years

Note

Hi! Could i request hcs for Diluc and Xiao with a reader who is shy? Thank you!

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: xiao, diluc (separate) x gn!reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: a few swears in diluc’s! (it’s like one or two)

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: this is actually my first tumblr post.... ive been super busy with school, sports, and other stuff. sorry! ill try to write more in the future! (constellations has been doing everything so far since i still dont know how tumblr works lol)

also, these are stupid long... and for what.

adventuring was a lot for you to process

okay, so maybe having your own Benny’s Adventure Team was not great while traveling through Dragonspine and Liyue

too many of everything

you ended up getting really beat up.

after passing through Mingyun Village, you could see Wangshu Inn and decided to stay there until you were healed up

you always found comfort in the night sky, so you went out there every day

It was your fifth night staying at the inn before you saw a short male standing on the balcony where you would usually be. Strange. You’d never seen anyone like that before.

You seemed to have caught him off guard when you started to approach him since he jumped a little.

Taking a closer look at his face, you studied it a bit. He had golden eyes and dark teal hair that seemed to frame his face perfectly, accompanied by lighter streaks of the same colour.

Pretty... you thought, completely entranced by this strange man (boy?).

“Ah, sorry. I’m probably disturbing you... I’ll go now...”

He blinked.

god he’s in love

not even romantic love but he loved you like the past adepti

xiao would see so many couples over the years that he’s been at the inn and absolutely hated them, but this??

okay it’s a different type of love but damn it felt nice

You started to turn and walk back to your room before hearing his voice.

“Stay.”

STAY??? WE MOVING KINDA FAST BUT ALRIGHT PRETTY BOY !!

On the outside, you were cooler than a cucumber. The inside? Chaos. Millions of thoughts raced throughout that little head of yours.

“Only if you’re fine with it...”

Turning back around, you took a few steps forward before noticing that he wore a lot of accessories on him. One of them being a mask that resembled one of the Vigilant Yaksha’s in that one book you read as a kid. Probably just a fan or something.

You reached the balcony, taking a spot next to him while also keeping some space between the two of you. Leaning on the balustrade (the railing of a balcony), you rested your head on top of your arms.

A comfortable silence was placed in the middle of the two. A silent breeze blew, adding to the mellow mood.

“What brings you here?” the pretty stranger suddenly inquired, gaining a small jolt from your serene state. “Did I scare you? My apologies.”

“Oh, uh, it’s nothing...” You lifted your head to look out at the lands of Dihua Marsh. Seeing Dragonspine in the distance gave you a chill. Those were not the greatest memories. The small movement didn’t go unnoticed by the boy.

“You’re an adventurer?”

“Oh... yeah, I am... I’m not that experienced yet, though...”

for SOME REASON... this man felt even more inclined to protect you

you still had a fair amount of bandages wrapped around your limbs, so it was clear that you were injured

GOD IF HE COULD JUST HUG YOU RIGHT THERE AND THEN

but he did not.

he has restraint.

he is a good boy.

“I met a traveler that wasn’t very experienced either.” This fact shocked you. So he has been here for a while... but why hadn’t you seen him before? Does he just... disappear into thin air..?

the answer is yes

he does indeed do that

but that’s besides the point.

“Oh... that’s nice...”

It was getting late. The moon was starting to lower back down and the lids of your eyes were getting heavier and heavier by the minute. You let out a yawn, but it was muffled by your head being buried in your arms once again.

“You should go get some rest.” You hummed.

Then, a thought popped into your head.

“If you don’t mind me asking... what’s your name?”

Even though you weren’t facing him, you could feel his piercing gaze on you. It wasn’t uncomfortable at all, but gave you a feeling of protection.

“Xiao.” You mouthed his name to yourself silently. It was nice.

“Goodnight, Xiao. I hope that we can do this again soon.”

“Goodnight to you...”

“(Y/N).”

“...(Y/N).”

you were a cryo catalyst that tried to fight against some cryo slimes alone

hint: that was a bad idea

my favourite elemental reaction was immune!

literally... you couldn’t even do anything to them

and you were getting beat up.

badly.

for plot convenience you were at the lake next to Dawn Winery

“Shit...”

At this point, you’d been fending these slimes off for around a quarter of an hour now and you were getting tired now.

Your dumbass tried to drown them in the lake but forgot that they immediately froze any moisture underneath them. You tried attacking them but everything you could do was inflict the freeze effect (against CRYO slimes).

You literally could not do anything. Time to get frozen to death!

“Burn!”

WHAT???

Suddenly, a big fire bird swept up the slimes that had been occupying you for the last 20 minutes or so, effectively taking them out.

At this point, the only thing that kept you standing was your adrenaline, which quickly ran out as you dropped to the ground in exhaustion. You let out a sigh, finally free from those damned slimes. You will have your revenge one day... just not today.

While you were resting on the ground, your saviour had been standing there, watching you calm down. And so you looked up to be greeted by probing crimson orbs, which definitely startled you.

Your saviour was.... Master Diluc. Master Diluc Ragnvindr, wealthiest man in Mondstadt. Him. In front of you.

“OH! I, um, Master Diluc! What brings you here?”

‘WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE??’ HE LIVES HERE THOUGH??

“I was taking a stroll around the winery and happened to see you in your own predicament.”

You attempted to stand up, though your legs failed you as you only flopped back onto the dirt.

diluc doesn’t wanna admit it but that was unbelievably stupid, cute, and endearing

okay and what if this emo boy doesn’t like people

he still has feelings too >:(

“I’ll stay here with you so you won’t get attacked again. So relax.”

Mans was telling you to “relax” while you were in the presence of a literal typhoon here. He was so brooding and scary-looking all the time that you couldn’t even try to relax.

A few minutes pass and the sound of water rushing was the only thing keeping you two company.

It was nice to enjoy nature, but the tension between the two of you was still higher than ever.

To break this silence, you had tried to stir up some small talk.

“The weather is nice today, huh...”

He grunted, which seemed to be a regular response of his. You started to notice this after a few questions like “how’s your day been” or “have any plans today?”

Not that you were genuinely interested. You bet that he could tell that you were trying to make it less awkward by responding at all, but it just didn’t help at all.

You were probably sitting for a good 10 minutes before deciding to stand up again, in which you were successful. But could you walk back to the city?

That was debatable.

You definitely felt and looked unstable, so being the gentleman he was raised to be, Diluc reluctantly bent down and slung your shoulder over his.

The height difference between the two of you was pretty big, so he ended up just carrying you to his place. As goofy as it looked, it got the job done.

― riri ✨

#genshin x reader #diluc x reader #xiao x reader #genshin headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #genshin #genshin xiao #genshin diluc #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact #diluc scenarios #diluc #gi diluc #genshin impact xiao #xiao #ririsann

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rowanaelinn · 3 years

Text

Fire on Fire - Chapter Six

this is finally going somewhere! i had to cut this chapter in two otherwise it would have been six thousand words so… sorry for the cut😬

Warning for sucidal thoughts in this chapter.

chapter five // chapter seven

“She did not!” Aelin laughed loudly, still in her nightclothes. “Why do we always miss that?”

“Miss what?” Sam asked as he entered the room, two bowls of cereals in his hands. He gave one to Lysandra and brought two spoons so Aelin could eat in his bowl. Lysandra and Aelin just woke up, it was four in the afternoon and Aelin didn’t eat anything since last night, so she was starving.

Aelin, Lysandra, Nehemia, and Sam might have partied a little too hard last night. So this morning, Aelin and Lysandra decided to stay home. Sam didn’t look happy about Aelin missing class but he didn’t say anything, knowing Aelin’s mind was made. He came back from school an hour ago and woke them up.“Gods, I love these cereals,” she moaned at the taste. Aelin loved food, and it showed on her body. The only good thing about her injury is that now she didn’t have to pay attention to everything she ate to fit in stupid costumes. She might miss dancing but she loved food more.

“I finished the last box, by the way.”

Aelin nodded, making a mental note she’ll have to ask Quinn to go grocery shopping as soon as she could.

“Leave me some, Lys,” Nehemia said as she threw herself on Aelin’s bed. She was glad to have a gigantic bed when the four of them were home, which is almost all the time lately. Nehemia threw her hair behind her shoulder, silently asking her friends to pay attention to them.

“That color suits you, Mia,” Aelin smiled and it was genuine. Nehemia had fresh new braids, they started black but ended in a deep ocean blue. The girl never wanted boring colors in her hair and almost everything suited her. Lysandra and Sam agreed with her, making Nehemia smile arrogantly. But Aelin knew that Nehemia was hiding a real smile behind that.

“Might dye my hair blue to match you,” Aelin said and Nehemia looked thrilled.

“Don’t you dare!” Sam said, turning to Aelin and almost spilling the cereals and milk on her bed. “Your hair is so pretty. Buy a wig but don’t you dare dye it.”

“Excuse me?”

He pouted, “Please?” Even with this ridiculous face, he stayed beautiful. She loved the twinkle of mischief, the hint of exasperation at her, and the kindness that made her feel good, the kindness that made her want to be the best person she could be.

“Okay,” She sighed and he had a victorious smile drawn on his face. “Let’s go for the wig.”

He smiled and kissed her, pout-ring all his love for her in it. She could spend years kissing him. “You two are gross,” Lysandra complained, Sam and Aelin pulled apart and Aelin sent her best friend a vulgar gesture.

“Anyway, Lys, what did we miss?” Sam asked again, this boy was the most curious of the four. He liked to hear gossip about everyone.

“Ansel was high at Nox’s party two days ago.” Aelin was sad they missed a party just to be at a Gala, but her parents were home for once and demanded that she was with them.

“You’re joking?” Nehemia asked and laughed as she took Lysandra’s spoon to eat some cereals. The brunette threw the dark-skinned girl a look that promised violence.

“You’ll never see me taking drugs, that’s for sure,” Aelin sighed and rested her head on Sam’s shoulder. “God, I already regret drinking twice in a week.”

“Good,” Sam said and she rolled her eyes.

The four friends spent hours talking and laughing together. They practically all lived at her home, anyway. Sam and Lysandra’s families were fucked up enough, so they spent their time here. Nehemia’s parents worked too much to notice that she didn’t come home most nights. Aelin’s parents were never here either, so she welcomed the company.

When it started getting dark outside, Aelin’s phone rang. She had no idea who called her but it could be one of her parents, calling her from wherever they were now or even Aedion who had a habit to lose his phone.

“Hello?”

“Aelin?” A deep voice asked and Aelin thought she recognized it in the back of her brain but she couldn’t put a name on who it belonged to.

“I’m not trying to be rude but, who are you?”

The man laughed and the sound gave her chills. “It’s Arobynn Hamel. Your mother was supposed to give you my phone number but I guess she forgot.”

Her body froze. Arobynnn Hamel. Of course, she knew that voice, she had watched enough interviews of him to become familiar with it, she even met him two days ago. She sat straighter in her bed, attracting the worried gaze of her three friends. With a more serious face than they had ever seen, Aelin motioned for them to remain silent.

“Oh gods, I’m sorry, Mister Hamel. She didn’t give me your number, I’m very sorry.” She was so embarrassed, Mala knew how much Aelin would be mad at her mom for it. Her friends looked surprised at who called her.

“Calm down, Aelin. It’s okay.” He comforted her as he laughed softly. “And call me Arobynn.”

“Alright.” She said and waited for him to explain why he was calling her, not that she wasn’t happy about it because she was. She just knew she would embarrass herself if she opened her mouth and started talking.

“Are you doing anything tomorrow night?” He asked and Aelin furrowed her brows. That was weird but exciting at the same time.

“No, I am free. Why?”

“We didn’t have a lot of time to talk Saturday and I think it’s a shame. I am still in Orynth for two days and would like to talk with you. Your mother told me you wanted to be an author or work in the publishing industry, is it true?”

“Yes,” it was the fastest answer of her life. Yes, she had always dreamed of working around books.

“From what I’ve heard, Aelin Galathynius, you are special. I’d like to see that by myself. Allow me to take you out for dinner tomorrow and we can talk about your future.”

If Arobynn Hamel helped her… She could become a successful author. She could picture it, a small house, Sam at her side, a study full of books she wrote, a life away from the spotlight, a happy life. It’s exactly what she wanted. Special, he thought she was special.

“Dress code?”

He laughed again and Aelin couldn’t help but smile. “Something like the dress you had on Saturday should be good. I’ll pick you up at seven, is it good for you?”

“Perfect.”

They hung up and she looked at her friend, still surprised, and smile. She was thoughtfully happy.

“Aelin?” Aedion asked, tearing her from her daydream. “You there?”

“Sorry. What is it?” She was tired and hungover, she didn’t get lots of sleep last night and she was feeling the effects. Dorian had left early this morning, long before anyone woke up. It was better than having to face Aedion’s judgmental looks.

“I asked if your scholarship got renewed for next year, Lysandra got the answer in the mail yesterday so you’re supposed to have yours too, right?” She looked up from her bowl of cereals, confused for a second. When she met Rowan Whitethorn’s face, with the same confused expression as her, she remembered.

Lysandra, Aedion, and everyone else believed she got a scholarship, frankly, she had no idea how they believed her. But they never had a reason to distrust her, that’s probably the reason.

Most of her relation with Arobynn was secret and the money he spent on her was part of the lie.

“Yeah, everything is taken care of.” She smiled, it was the truth in a way. She dared to look at Rowan and she didn’t why, didn’t know how, but she knew he didn’t believe her. She could see it in his frown and eyes.

“Good,” her cousin smiled as he drank his coffee.

She smiled back, he was worried for her, she knew it. It’s exactly why she didn’t tell him anything, he didn’t need the stress. “I’ve got everything under control.”

---------

“What are you still doing here?” Arobynn asked, startling Aelin. She had been too busy on her computer to hear him coming. “It’s past nine, we finished hours ago.”

They both had worked for hours today and she was tired. “What are you still doing here?” She asked.

“I asked first, darling.” He sat in his chair in front of her. She was still in her seat, the chair almost belonged to her for all the time she spent on it. She wanted to be annoyed at him but today had been different. He had been different. He wasn’t the Arobynn she had known years ago but he was close, closer than he usually was lately. Aelin was pretty sure he hadn’t had a drink all day, which could explain his mood. That was a good thing.

“I’m writing and waiting for my cousin to check his damn phone so he can pick me up.”

“Where’s your car?”

“Broken,” she grilled through her teeth. The damn truck had decided not to work this morning, causing Aelin to have a nervous breakdown. “A friend of mine had a look at it and told me it would cost me more to repair it than to buy a new one, so here I am, depending on my cousin.” She hated it, hated to depend on someone. But it seemed to happen a lot lately, so she might have to get used to it. “What are you doing here?” She repeated.

“My meeting lasted two hours,” he said, his voice hard.

“Ah, sucks when you have to actually do your job, right?” She remarked and didn’t know if it was a reproach for the way he over-worked her or a teasing. Maybe both, she didn’t want to wonder about it too much.

“Someone’s feisty today,” he joked and she fought a small smile. “Ready for Monday?”

“I already told you no, Arobynn.”

“Why not? You finish the school year in four days.”

“I have a job, Arobynn. I can’t just-”

“Everything’s taken care of.” He cut her off with a smile. It was the kind of smile that told her he had done something and was feeling rather proud of it.

“What.”

“Did you know Rofle was my friend? After a drink or two, he agreed to let you come back in September, right after your internship at Hamel Publishing.”

“And you did that after I told you no?” Her tone was rising. “And are you friends with everyone here?”

He rose from his seat to stand right before her. She had to raise her head to look him in the eye. One of his calloused hands rested on her cheek, caressing her cheekbone. "You know how powerful I am." She did, Arobynn wasn’t just a successful author or the CEO of a publishing company, those were just hobbies for him. He had grown up in a rich family, had been raised to be like every rich people. He had learned how fake smiles and words were weapons, how to manipulate people. He had a way to manipulate everyone he called his friends, whether it was a picture, a video, or a letter. He had something on everyone. “I once promised you I would make you shine, Aelin. I won’t let a shitty job ruin that promise.” For years he had told her she was special, he had told her she could reach the stars should she just let him help her. And for years she had believed him, so she decided to do it again. She only nodded and it seemed to be enough for him.“I’m calling a cab for you.”

“No.”

“No?” His voice was surprised. “Is it because of the money?”

“For fuck sake Arobynn I can afford a cab ride,” that was a total lie, but he didn’t need to know that. “I just… can’t.”

Understanding and pity flashed on Arobynn’s face and she had to keep herself from yelling at him for it. “You still can’t?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” She said voice hard that didn’t let room for questions.

“Pack your things, I’ll drive you.” This was what Arobynn from four years ago would have said, what the Arobynn she had come to know would have said. In a flicker of hope, she said yes. Hope that she could erase what happened between them, that she would forget like Arobynn repeatedly asked her to, and just start again because she didn’t know how to survive another person leaving her.

-----------------------------

It was the middle of the night when Rowan heard her cries.

At first, he had ignored them, trying to give her privacy. It was unusual of her to let someone hear her, so Rowan thought it might be very bad. But after five minutes of cries, he couldn’t stay in his bed anymore.

When he walked into her room, his heart broke a little. She was in bed, sleeping, trashing against the sheets, crying, and trying to talk. Even with only the light from the bathroom, he could see the pain written all over her face.

He couldn’t take it, he couldn’t just walk back to his room and ignore her. So, he shook her shoulder, trying to wake her up but it didn’t work. She kept jerking in her bed as if she was fighting with the pillows and her blanket.

“Aelin,” he said, using both his hands to shake her. “Aelin,” he repeated louder. Her eyes jerked open, she turned her head several times, trying to figure out where she was. Her whole body shook and a second later she leaned over the bed and vomited her guts out. Rowan held her hair back, avoiding touching her directly so as not to overwhelm her.

When she lay back down in bed, she was still crying, her limbs shaking as if she were hypothermic even though Rowan could see the sweat glistening on her skin.

Rowan had only seen one person look so wrecked in his entire life, himself. He saw it every time he woke up and looked into the mirror. It was worse ten years ago because he had no idea how to hide it, in a decade he learned how to conceal everything. How to recognize which night was most likely to give him a nightmare, learned how to stay quiet while he felt like dying inside.

“You should take a shower,” Rowan said, voice softer than he has ever used with her. He had been wrong, so wrong.

“I don’t think I have the strength.”

“To shower?” He asked but there was no judgment, he only wanted to make sure.

“To live.” Her small voice broke and his heart did too. When she looked up at him, eyes filled with tears, Rowan didn’t see anything but desperation and loathing. He knew it wasn’t directed at him but at herself.

“Come here,” he said as he slid his arms under her body. “We’re gonna clean you up, okay?” He lifted her up from her bed, avoiding the content of her stomach on the floor as her weak arms curled around his neck and he guided her to the bathroom.

————

@sheharahu // @morganofthewildfire // @thestoriesyoutell // @fromthelibraryofemilyj // @swankii-art-teacher // @itsforeverinnocent-blog // @becarefuloflove // @imnotsogoodatthis // @rowaelinismyotp // @a-court-of-milkandhoney // @feysand-loml // @surielandiareendgame // @live-the-fangirl-life // @story-scribbler // @loves-books // @fangirlprincess09 // @theysayitscrazy

#rowaelin fanfiction #rowan whitethorn #rowaelin #rowan x aelin #aelin galathynius #fire on fire

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rhaenyra-first-of-her-name · 3 years

Note

So for those ridiculous antis who hate on Sansa in the first book with those idiotic ideas that she was somehow “a mean, evil bully who beat up her sister” are just laughable, not once was she ever mean or a bully to Arya or call her names. And literally the ONLY time she was, was after the murder of her Direwolf. She was grieving and stuck in a hard place when she knew she couldn’t go against her future in-laws. And the only reason she went to Cersei was because she was manipulated 1/2

It's quite long so under the cut.

So for those ridiculous antis

Pal, you say as if I am hosting an Anti Sansa club here, which I ain't. None that I know of anyway. Idk why you are referring to other people here. Never mind. Moving on.

Who hate on Sansa in the first book

Hate is a strong word. Let's go with dislike for the moment; I am not in the mood to introspect my feelings for characters that I, at the very least, dislike.

By who, you mean, everyone who has good reading comprehension? Because AGOT Sansa is a pretty dislikable character. After all, Martin created her to be a foil to Arya and sow discord amongst the Starks. That was her primary function in the first book and she did it well. People disliking her seems to be the direct and intentional result of Martin's writing. You might wanna take it up with him instead, Pal.

After Ned's arrest and death, Martin did wrote her in more sympathetic light, given her position in King's Landing but that doesn't erase what happened up until that point. You can't begrudge people for remembering what happened.

With those idiotic ideas that she was somehow "a mean, evil bully who beat up her sister" are just laughable

I only agree with, being a bully and mean to her sister, part. Rest(beating up) didn't happen. Thus, those claims, are indeed laughable. Pal, I am gonna need receipts for calling Sansa evil because I haven't seen it, I haven't done it and my friends/mutuals haven't done it, to the best of my knowledge. People calling Dany and Arya evil, I have seen plenty of that, against my wish, I would like to add.

Not once was she ever mean or a bully to Arya or call her names.

This is where you are 100% wrong, Pal. Arya stans have already made multiple posts about it but since it's apparently too much trouble for you, let me show you the receipts anyway.

She bit her lip, groping for another name. Lommy had called her Lumpyhead, Sansa used Horseface, and her father's men once dubbed her Arya Underfoot, but she did not think any of those were the sort of name he wanted.

ACOK - Arya IX

Emphasis is mine. Arya still remembers this in ADWD.

To her sister and sister's friends and all the rest, she had just been Arya Horseface.

ADWD - The Blind Girl

Theon remembers it as well.

"Arya Underfoot. Your sister used to call you Arya Horseface."

ADWD - The Prince of Winterfell

Wishing death on your sister should definitely count somewhere.

"You're horrible," she screamed at her sister. "They should have killed you instead of Lady!"

AGOT - Sansa lll

After Arya tried to comfort Sansa on the prospect of returning to WF:

"Hodor!" Sansa yelled. "You ought to marry Hodor, you're just like him, stupid and hairy and ugly!"

AGOT - Sansa lll

Apparently Arya losing her direwolf wasn't enough either

Sansa blamed Arya and told her that it should have been Nymeria who died.

AGOT - Eddard IV

We also have this lovely comment.

"She hates that I'm going to marry the prince. She tries to spoil everything, Father, she can't stand for anything to be beautiful or nice or splendid."

AGOT - Sansa lll

And this lovely moment as well.

Arya raised her eyes. “I’m sorry, Father. I was wrong and I beg my sweet sister’s forgiveness.”

Sansa was so startled that for a moment she was speechless. Finally she found her voice. “What about my dress?”

“Maybe…I could wash it,” Arya said doubtfully.

“Washing won’t do any good,” Sansa said. “Not if you scrubbed all day and all night. The silk is ruined.”

“Then I’ll…make you a new one,” Arya said.

Sansa threw back her head in disdain. “You? You couldn’t sew a dress fit to clean the pigsties.”

AGOT - Sansa lll

This mean little comment as well

Arya was chewing at her lip in that disgusting way she had. “Can we take Syrio back with us?”

“Who cares about your stupid dancing master?” Sansa flared.

AGOT - Sansa lll

I think these should suffice. Sansa was a bully and she did called Arya names and that wasn't the worst of it either.

And literally the ONLY time she was, was after the murder of her Direwolf. She was grieving.

First of all, it's either only once or not even once.

That's an excuse? Grief is an excuse?

Seriously? Grief never gives a person leave to fucking say anything to someone.

Sure, grief is a terrible thing. People do regrettable things in grief but that's no excuse.

And Sansa never even regrets it. This is what Sansa had to say about this incident to Ned.

"Arya started it," Sansa said quickly, anxious to have the first word. "She called me a liar and threw an orange at me and spoiled my dress, the ivory silk, the one Queen Cersei gave me when I was betrothed to Prince Joffrey. She hates that I'm going to marry the prince. She tries to spoil everything, Father, she can't stand for anything to be beautiful or nice or splendid."

AGOT - Sansa lll

Sansa wasn't the only person grieving here either. Arya lost a friend and her direwolf. She's isn't yelling at Sansa that she should die.

On top of it, Arya is the only one who made any apology.

What's next, Catelyn was right to say tell Jon that he should have fell instead of Bran? A lot of characters do things in grief but it's not supposed to excuse them. This is just the first example in my head.

and stuck in a hard place when she knew she couldn't go against her future in laws.

I am sure the thought didn't even crossed her mind, as far as I remember from her chapters, but sure, give me the receipts, Pal.

Sansa was comfortable blaming Arya and literally everyone and everything except Joffrey. Even after all he did: he scarred a boy and swung a sword at her sister in front of her eyes, he lied which led to her direwolf being killed.

Initially she blamed Cersei for it but with time and little to no effort on Cersei 's part, she shifted the blame entirely to Arya.

Seems like a habit of hers, blaming Arya for everything.

Future in laws? Ned gave her a way out when he wanted to break her betrothal and send her to WF. It was her choice to go to Cersei.

The fact of the matter is, Sansa never wanted to do anything against the Lannisters. Not that she knew she couldn't.

And the only reason she went to Cersei was because she was manipulated

The only reason she went to Cersei is that she wanted to stay at King's Landing and marry Joffrey.

“Father, I only just now remembered, I can’t go away, I’m to marry Prince Joffrey.” She tried to smile bravely for him. “I love him, Father, I truly truly do, I love him as much as Queen Naerys loved Prince Aemon the Dragonknight, as much as Jonquil loved Ser Florian. I want to be his queen and have his babies.”

AGOT - Sansa lll

I admit Cersei was definitely trying to manipulate Sansa. It was a shit attempt imo, killing her pet/direwolf didn't help Cersei. I surprised Sansa even trusted her with anything. Joffrey put more of an effort to play the gallant prince for her.

Sansa is the one who went to Cersei, nor the other way around. She definitely presented that opportunity to Cersei.

You have to question her good sense when she went to the person who killed her wolf.

Cersei 's manipulation is more along the line of playing the regal queen and using Sansa 's desire to marry Joffrey.

And the fact that Ned kept things from her so she didn't know what was going on, he only told Arya what was happening.

I would ask for the receipts but this is 100% false.

What things do you think Ned kept from her? What did she didn't know? What did he told only Arya and not Sansa? Do tell me and prove me wrong. I would be happy to correct my stance.

Ned called both Sansa and Arya together, he told them everything together. Arya didn't know anything about the situation that Sansa didn't.

Their father sighed. “I did not call you here to talk of dresses. I’m sending you both back to Winterfell.”

Father’s mouth twitched strangely. “Sansa, I’m not sending you away for fighting, though the gods know I’m sick of you two squabbling. I want you back in Winterfell for your own safety. Three of my men were cut down like dogs not a league from where we sit, and what does Robert do? He goes hunting.”

“Sweet one,” her father said gently, “listen to me. When you’re old enough, I will make you a match with a high lord who’s worthy of you, someone brave and gentle and strong. This match with Joffrey was a terrible mistake. That boy is no Prince Aemon, you must believe me.”

To the girls he said, “I am looking for a fast trading galley to take you home. These days, the sea is safer than the kingsroad. You will sail as soon as I can find a proper ship, with Septa Mordane and a complement of guards…and yes, with Syrio Forel, if he agrees to enter my service. But say nothing of this. It’s better if no one knows of our plans. We’ll talk again tomorrow.”

AGOT - Sansa lll

Pal, you should really read Sansa lll of AGOT again. Oh, the irony.

If he was honest with Sansa from the start then things would have been very different.

Which lies? Which dishonesty? Do tell me. Give me the receipts.

Ned had been nothing but honest with Sansa.

If you mean the fact about Joffrey being Jaime's son instead, I can't frankly think why he must tell that to a 11 year old. Also, Ned just realized the fact just before sending them both. He needed time to wrap his head around it.

He didn't tell that to Arya either. He didn't tell that to most people bcoz such things aren't to be broadcasted to everyone, least of all, children. What would even be the point of telling this to Sansa? Why wasn't killing her direwolf and her father's men and attacking her father not enough reason for an 11 year old? Do tell.

He did tell her how unsafe it was in KL and how Joffrey wasn't a suitable match, it was more than enough information.

But yeah go ahead and blame an eleven year old CHILD for all the events that happened.

You say this in a fandom where 9 year old Arya and 13 year old Dany are frequently blamed for things that aren't in their control.

When most of the protagonists are b/w the ages 8-15, they're gonna be judged. Sansa isn't special and thus exempt in this regard. So please don't play the age and child card to me. There are all children here.

Therefore, I am going to blame Sansa for her own actions.

Unless every other underage character is gonna be judged, I am sure as hell is going to judge Sansa.

And then ignore all her amazing characterization in all the next books.

You do realize a switch wasn't made at the end of AGOT which changed her personality.

Character growth is a slow thing.

I have never ignored it. It's always refreshing since it's not her boring perfect fanon version.

I have quite some thoughts on it and would be happy to discuss as I don't know what are you exactly referring to.

And ignore how most of Martell fans are fans of Sansa, including Aegonbeingfakeisracist.

*long sigh*

I hope you asked their permission before dropping their name here

I am aware of the fact

Plus

Pal, I am not a sheep to be prodded by a shepherd. I don't need external validation for my own opinions.

I know that the combination of my opinions is somewhat uncommon in the fandom.

I don't live under a rock. I am very well aware of what's happening in the fandom and what's is it like. Don't presume my ignorance, again. Just because I don't talk about some stuff I don't like, doesn't mean I don't know about its existence.

Since you mentioned a third person, well I agree and disagree with some of their opinions. That's all.

Anyone, even Martin himself, doesn't hold any authority over what my opinions should be about any of the characters. I am very much capable of forming my opinions and defending them, if I want to.

I don't care about what the majority of the fandom likes. I am not here to agree with their opinion just because of their numbers or how easier it's.

I am here to have a nice time and I will have it on my terms.

Thank you for taking the time to send this longass ask, I hope the answer was long enough for you. /s

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spiderling-space · 4 years

Note

Could I request Yandere Kalim, with Soulmate Au? So Kalim and Reader would be soulmates, and Kalim is yandere for them. I don't mind what kind of soulmate Au, though, it could be timers, names, shared injures.

Although please feel free to reject if you don't want to write this.

I'm going with names since I like that the most. It became longer than I intended. Around 2,6k words.

PS: Have your individuality in your relationships.

Italics indicate thoughts

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Kalim Al-Asim

Warning: Yandere behaviour, guilt-tripping, gaslighting (passive), unhealthy relationship

It all started when he saw the tattoo on their forearm. "That's me!" He yelled suddenly, staggering back. He then rolled up his sleeve, "Is this your name?" He asked with such excitement that made (Y/N) think he would cry if they said no.

Nevertheless, it was their name. "Yes."

They didn't think they would meet their soulmate in NRC. After the day they met, (Y/N) asked around what type of person Kalim was. Everyone mentioned how different he was from the rest of school, how supportive he was, how he was there for them when needed, the way he radiates positivity everywhere he went and always having a smile on his face. (Y/N) wasn't going to lie. At first, they thought Kalim was faking it since they had seen similar people turning out to be evil in shows and movies they watched and the books they read. However, their opinion of him turned positive after hanging out together and getting to know each other. He was one of the best people they had ever met, had the brightest smile they had ever seen. No one would be able to resist him once he smiled and looked with those bright eyes. (Y/N) was one of them. Kalim had fun ideas but they had responsibilities to take care of, they couldn't spend their entire time with Kalim. But how could they reject Kalim's idea when he looked so heartbroken after saying they were busy? They couldn't. They got into trouble with the academy for not doing or doing sloppy homework and their friends for not spending time together.

Kalim might be their soulmate but that didn't mean they couldn't spend time apart. (Y/N) promised themselves that they would say no to Kalim the next time he asked to hang out together. They were soulmates who would marry one day. If they didn't set the boundaries now, they wouldn't be able to do it in the future. And they certainly didn't want their future life to turn up like that.

Unsurprisingly, Kalim showed up. "(Y/N)!" He kissed their cheek which was another thing they needed to talk about. "How've you been doing? Let's go carpet ride!" He didn't even wait for their response as he grabbed their sleeve and started pulling.

But no more. They were going to take a stand. "Kalim, stop." He didn't seem to hear them and kept pulling but (Y/N) planted themselves like a tree, unmoving. "Kalim, stop." He didn't even look at them. "Kalim!" That got his attention. "We need to talk. Now."

"We can talk on the carpet! C'mon!" He was ever excited but his smile faltered when they didn't cave in. "Are you upset with me?" He asked, giving them puppy dog eyes.

(Y/N) was glad that he at least understood they were upset. "Yes." his smile turned upside down, it was horrible to see him sad. "No!" He smiled once again. "I mean... ugh! I just..."

"I'm glad you aren't upset with me. Let's go!"

He must have understood that they were conflicted then why was he trying to dismiss it? It was frustrating him. "No! Fuck! I'm so done! I'm trying to have a conversation with you and you just ignore it! Do I not mean anything to you? Do -"

"You mean everything to me!"

"You did it again! You don't even let me finish!" (Y/N) couldn't stop anymore. It was now or never. "You don't care what I want as long as you get to do whatever you want! I hate it! You are suffocating me!" They pinched the bridge of their nose. "Just because we are soulmates doesn't mean we will be together 24/7. Give me a fucking break!" It felt good to spill everything out but they didn't realize the volume of their voice increase nor the people around staring at them. Damn it! Don't people have better things to do? "Can we talk somewhere private and just... uhm... fix the issue?"

Kalim looked like he was about to cry and he might have shed a tear or two, given that he seemed to wipe his eyes. Thankfully, he agreed and they went to his room for privacy. (Y/N) thought they messed up once and wanted to have a calmer discussion with him. They weren't able to sit, nervous about how he would react once he heard everything they wanted to say since just a small outburst made him teary eyes. "I shou-"

"I'm sor-"

They both spoke at the same time. "I need to tell th-"

"I'm sorry for making you feel as if I don't care for you." Kalim walked over (Y/N) and hugged them. "I promise to be a better boyfriend to you!" He kissed their cheek before letting them go. "Let's play- I mean... Do you want to play Mancala? Jamil would bring us snacks and it would be fun!" He acted as if he wasn't on the verge of crying a second ago and dismissed the issue once more but at least he apologized, that was progress.

Still...

"Kalim," They took his hands and led him to sit on his bed. "Thank you for apologizing but we didn't resolve anything. You dismissed what I feel again." They liked him, he was a good man but he just needed to listen to them. They believed he could change. "I love spending time with you but I have a personal life too. I couldn't do my homework properly for the last couple of weeks and I couldn't hang out with my friends. I need time for them too. And sometimes, I am too tired or I'm not interested in what you want to do. It is hard to say no to you when you look at me with those eyes. Please understand my wish to set personal boundaries." They didn't want to bring up guilt-tripping yet since they thought he would get better after this speech.

Kalim seemed to listen to what they said attentively. They hoped he wouldn't make a fuss about it. They felt better when he nodded. "I see." He pulled them into a hug. "I promise I'll be better for you, (Y/N)."

"Glad that we resolved it. Again, I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier." They hugged him back. "I now have to go and do my homework. See you later!" They untangled themselves from Kalim and headed out to their room.

The next day, Kalim showed up to ask them about another adventure he planned. He managed to convince them to join when he said he would be all alone if they didn't come with him. "I know I am sometimes clumsy, I hope I won't lose my balance and fall. Jamil would be with me normally but he has basketball practice for hours."

(Y/N) didn't want to go hiking with Kalim but if he hurt himself, they would be responsible in a way. They certainly didn't want Kalim to be hurt nor to be guilty of him getting hurt so he agreed to go with him. The following day Kalim came up with a new adventure. "I'd get lost in the woods without you. Jamil and I are both grew up in a desert country. He wouldn't be able to find us a way to return even if he tries. Please come with me to explore the woods so I can return safely with you." (Y/N) agreed to this too, not wanting to cause their soulmate to be lost in the woods.

On the adjacent days, Kalim came up with an idea and told them if they could come with him so that he wouldn't be harmed. They didn't want to feel any guilt if he were to injured so they joined all of them. On the last day, they said no.

Kalim gave them space after that day. (Y/N) thought he learned his lesson. Everything was fine in their life. They were even planning to ask Kalim on a date since they didn't talk for days.

"I've heard that (Y/N) tried to carve out their tattoo because they couldn't stand Kalim."

"I heard they tried to change the tattoo so they would have a different soulmate than Kalim."

"Is that even possible?"

"I don't know but I know that they tried. Haven’t you seen how (Y/N) made Kalim cry two weeks ago? They must despise him."

“How could a person despise Kalim? He is friends with everyone and there is no one who would say a bad thing about him.”

The fuck? (Y/N) was sure that they heard his and Kalim's name in their conversation. They certainly didn't do anything like that. As they passed the group, they received glares from everyone in the group. They wanted to tell Kalim what they heard and how idiotic it was but they couldn't reach him either by phone or by going over to Scarabia. Since they didn't get a chance to talk to Kalim, they went back to their room.

They managed to find Kalim the next day and talk briefly about what they heard. "I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding, (Y/N). I know you wouldn't do something like that." He smiled, making them feel better. They hanged out casually for the next few days then Kalim spontaneously invited them to a carpet ride.

"I'm sorry, I promised my friends that we would binge-watch this new tv show that came out."

"It's okay." They were glad to hear Kalim's positive response. He really is working himself to be a better boyfriend.

The next morning at breakfast, their mood turned sour.

"Did you know that the reason (Y/N) pushes Kalim away is that they are having an affair with someone?"

"No one would cheat on their soulmate once they learn they are soulmates. That's just nasty."

(Y/N) left without eating breakfast so they wouldn't hear any of those stupid people. They needed fresh air to distract themselves from what they heard but it only made things worse.

"My friend told me. He saw (Y/N) flirt with a guy from Scarabia right after they sent Kalim away." A guy from Heartslabyul said a student from Octavinelle and Pomefiore.

"I bet that's the person they are cheating with and they must be using Kalim's money to do whatever they want." added the Pomefiore student.

"So (Y/N) is acting the perfect soulmate for Kalim for his money and use his money to fuck around with another guy. I thought soulmates wouldn't be able to be with someone else other than each other." Heartslabyul student said

"You can break the bond but you need to do an unspeakable thing first." Octavinelle one told the group.

"Where did you hear that?"

"Doesn't matter. This means (Y/N) did something unspeakable. I feel sorry for Scarabia prefect."

(Y/N) didn't want to hear their talk anymore as they rushed to Kalim's side. Unfortunately, he was sick and didn't have the energy to talk to them as Jamil informed them.

The next day the rumors got worse. "Kalim is terminally sick because (Y/N) tried to break their bond." "They are trying to kill him." So forth.

The rumors around (Y/N) grew larger and larger. At first, their friends defended them whereas Kalim was nowhere to be seen. But their friends abandoned them too. "We believe, you didn't do anything but the others don't and they don't talk to or look at us since we are friends with you. Forgive us but we don't want to spend our student lives as ostracized."

They were all alone. No one spoke to them. They just talked about them but never to them. They couldn't take it anymore.

(Y/N) didn't have any other choice. They had only one place to go. They thought all of these rumors would die if people saw they were with Kalim and if he said there was no problem between them. So they went to Kalim. They didn't say they came to him because of rumors but they thought he knew it deep down. He didn't care what people were saying about them as he hugged them tightly. "You should move to Scarabia. Even my room!" He said, eyed closed with a huge smile on his face. "No one would say anything about you then." They were soulmates and have been dating for months so staying in the same room wasn't outrageous for them. They accepted his proposal. He immediately asked Jamil to help them with their stuff. After placing their basic stuff in Kalim's room, he asked if they wanted to walk to clear their head which (Y/N) accepted dearly.

"At least, people won't talk about how you beat me and gave me bruises anymore!" Kalim said with a cheery attitude.

Huh? Nobody was talking about that in the school.

"Or how you sneaked into treasury room to get yourself some diamonds!" He added another rumor that didn't exist.

There was something in the way he said those that were giving goosebumps to them. (Y/N)'s mind was trying to understand why they felt on edge suddenly. It was better to confront the issue now. "Uhm... those weren't among the rumors. Whe-"

"Oh, they weren't?" Kalim looked surprised. "I thought I vented about it. Hmmm... never mind then! Let's go and ride flying carpet."

Did he say 'vented?'

"Sorry, Kalim. You said vented. What do you mean by it?" (Y/N)'s instinct was telling them to run from great danger but Scarabia was a safe place. It must be their mind playing tricks on them.

"Since we weren't together, I was feeling upset. My friends just asked me why I was upset and I told them everything. It's good to be friends with the majority of the school since I had so many friends who listened to what I said. They are such good people, listening to my worries attentively and comforting me." He stopped in front of them, looked them right in the eyes. "They say talking fixes every problem. And look! Talking made you come back to me."

Talking solves everything but it wasn't him talking that made me succumb to his wish. It was those nasty rumors. Surely he knows... Oh. Oh! That is just ridiculous, he wouldn't do something like that to me. He loves me too much for it. Still... (Y/N) wanted to believe that what they were thinking was just their mind was making that up. "Kalim, you know that the rumors caused me great problems."

He cut them off again. "Don't worry. I won't talk about your thievery and the bruises you gave me. Since you are back in my arms, there is no need for me to talk about you to my friends anymore."

"I didn't steal anything or even hurt an inch of you. Why would you talk about something that doesn't exist?"

"Those rumors won't exist as long as you are with me. Since you will never ever leave me again, you won't need to work your mind about it." Kalim told them with a bright smile on his face. "Now let me show you a whole new world!" He grabbed their hand and tugged their sleeve. "Unless you want to leave me by myself. It would be a shame if your reputation plummets down more."

(Y/N) was too shocked to answer so they just nodded.

"Great! Let's go!" Their mind was numb as Kalim dragged them after him.

Kalim looked like the sweetest person one could ever meet. They didn't think he would ever do something so nasty.

Is this the man whom I'll spend the rest of the days with? What did I do to deserve such fate?

#twisted wonderland #twst #kalim al asim #scarabia #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere kalim al asim #twisted wonderland yandere #yandere twst #yandere #ficlet #gender neutral reader

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novelconcepts · 3 years

Note

I love your filling in of the moonflower scene. Just the tenderness of it all 🥺

Do you think you might write a short piece about Dani finding the first grey in Jamie‘s hair in the future? Every time I see the gifsets of Jamie‘s (very sexy) grey strands I have to think about Dani‘s possible reaction

Jamie doesn’t tend to notice these things--little changes in her own appearance, little alterations made by the simple passage of time. Her attention, she scoffs when Dani laughs over her failing to pick up on a burr caught in her hair after a trip to the park, is better suited to other things. “World’s big,” she says, tilting her head to allow Dani to comb the remnants of whatever tree she’d walked beneath from her curls. “Why should I go wasting time starin’ at my own damn face?”

“Because it’s a good face,” Dani tells her. She doesn’t add that Jamie’s face, like everything about her, makes more sense than the rest of the world. That nothing about Jamie seems to come out of nowhere--every scrape and scar is accounted for with a story, every wrinkle turned out from the edge of her lips or around her eyes sparked by the familiarity of her frown, the inevitability of her smile. Everything about Jamie can be traced back to the honesty of time spent in the sun, or injuries incurred at work, or letting another year stroke its fingers across her skin.

She notices the first gray hair maybe five years in. They’re on a camping trip, small tent pitched just upshore of a gently lapping brook; Jamie, crouched beside the water to inspect a turtle, looks up with a grin, and Dani notes a flash of silver at the crown of her head.

She doesn’t point it out. It’s too easy to anticipate Jamie’s amused drawl: “Got a gorgeous beast right here, and you’re worried about my hair?” She tucks the knowledge safely away, entertained by the idea that Jamie is carrying a secret upon her own head and has no idea.

She says nothing, but her fingers seek out the unexpected silver the next time Jamie comes close enough. She trails her hand through rumpled hair, watching the familiar warmth of brown cascade across her skin, pleased to find several more bursts of light wound in among the dark.

“What?” Jamie asks, smile crooking the way it always does when she senses Dani is about to poke fun. “Bein’ a weirdo again.”

“Am not,” Dani replies, and kisses her.

It becomes a bit of a private game, an amusing turn of events: Jamie, the most naturally-observant human being in the world, has absolutely no idea she’s shot through with unexpected arcs of silver. No idea at all. At first, Dani thinks she’s intentionally ignoring the color leaching out of her hair; a flash of memory spirals back, Judy plucking what she called my little secret out by the strand and holding a finger to her lips as she reached for a box of red dye. Heavy maintenance is very much not Jamie’s speed, but maybe turning her cheek and feigning ignorance achieves the same goal.

A month goes by. A year. They’re turning up on their own time, these pops of colorless strands standing stark against dark waves, and Dani takes it upon herself to brush her fingers across each one she finds. She likes very much the depth they bring to Jamie’s hair, the way the sun catches a little differently when she turns her head. Likes the knowledge that each strand is a stamp of memory--proof of time spent.

Likes, most of all, that Jamie legitimately seems to have no idea. Jamie, who tugs a black elastic band off her wrist with her teeth, raking the messy tumble out of her eyes, perpetually annoyed with the curls that always seem to evade her hands. Jamie, who spends hours with a book in one hand and Dani’s hair sifting through her fingers, and still has absolutely no clue what’s happening on her own head.

“You’ve never cared, have you?” Dani asks one afternoon, watching Jamie sort through their spectacular collection of cassette tapes, little plastic cases clicking comfortably to break up the quiet. Jamie, cross-legged on the living room rug with Survivor’s Vital Signs in one hand and REO Speedwagon’s Hi Infidelity in the other, raises her eyebrows.

“Seemed silly to go alphabetical while they were multiplying like fuckin’ bunnies, but now we’ve slowed down a little--”

“About looks,” Dani corrects. She’s hanging half off the couch, the tips of her fingers brushing Jamie’s knee. Life has been getting less predictable lately, messier around the edges; she looks into mirrors with breath held tight in her lungs, uncertain of what will look back. Touching Jamie has become less about habit and more a matter of lifeline. “You’ve never cared about how you look. Maybe the only woman I’ve ever known to say that.”

“I care,” Jamie says, with very little defensiveness. It is astonishing sometimes, looking back at the woman she’d met in that manor kitchen, how little defense Jamie seems to have for her these days. Questions are met in good faith, answered in kind, like Jamie knows there’s nothing Dani could ask that would intentionally bear teeth. “Care when I need to.”

“Like when?”

“At the shop,” Jamie says, tossing aside a Paul Simon cassette with a wrinkle of her nose. She finds Pat Benatar instead, sets it in the pile between The Beatles and Blondie. “Always look professional, don’t I?”

“But you don’t like--think about it? What you’ll look like in twenty years? Or fifty?”

“Fifty, Christ.” Jamie rolls back her head, grinning. “Be a hell of a thing, stacking fifty more years on. What d’you think you’ll look like in fifty years, mm?”

Dani doesn’t answer. It’s too early to tell what the smudged face in the mirror might mean--too early to panic--but the idea of fifty years more with Jamie seems terrifyingly unlikely.

“Anyway.” Seeming to sense her unease, Jamie rocks up onto her knees, awkwardly shifting across the rug to lean against the couch. She braces a hand behind Dani’s head, her eyebrow arched. “You tryin’ to say I don’t pay enough attention to my looks? I don’t scrub up enough for you, is that it?”

Her fingers brush Dani’s ribs, digging in just hard enough to tickle. Dani squirms, laughter burbling out against Jamie’s neck.

She doesn’t bring it up again, preferring the secret of Jamie’s slowly graying hair held within her own heart. The threads are becoming more insistent as the years drift by, joining tiny lines etched into Jamie’s skin. Her hands, put through so much work, are comfortably worn at knuckle and fingertip. Her smile pulls the skin around her eyes a little tighter as they celebrate eight years--nine--ten.

She looks good with the extra age, Dani thinks. She wears it all so well, without pausing to prod at herself in the bathroom mirror; if she’s the least bit unnerved by the passage of time, she never lets it show. If Dani didn’t know better, she’d think Jamie never really looks at herself in the mirror at all.

Too busy looking at me, she thinks, and tries not to ache at the idea that Jamie has forgotten herself beneath the need to keep her attention on what she considers more important things. Like watching for one of Dani’s moods to spike up in public. Like waiting for Dani’s shoulders to hunch against ghosts only she can see.

Dani doesn’t look into mirrors herself much these days, either--though, every once in a while, a glimpse will sneak up. Just the barest flash of her own face in the passenger mirror of the car, or the idling bathwater. Sometimes--less and less often--the face waiting is even her own.

It is so her own, those days, that Dani finds herself embracing a new concern. Something odd, something she’s only started to really see in recent memory.

Jamie is starting to show her age, little by little. Not all at once, not in any way that is strange for a woman creeping into her forties--but the years are there, certainly, stamped gently into her skin. The years are threaded through her hair, these silver pops around which Dani’s hands seem to take on a mind of their own. There’s something wonderful, lively, even sexy about the way time is impacting Jamie--grounding her a little more every year, the natural wearing of all those hours hung like medals around her shoulders.

Dani, catching sight of herself in the bathtub, can’t help but notice: no one could say the same for her. Not that time is beating away at her, not that time is turning her to stone before she’s ready--but that time appears to be doing nothing at all. Her eyes bear no extra marks, though she has spent just as much time as Jamie laughing, frowning, holding her breath as the world spins beneath her. Her hands look just the same as they had in 1987.

Her hair is still stubbornly gold.

“Do you think it’s strange?” she whispers one night--not entirely sure if Jamie is even awake, not sure she can even bear the answer Jamie might give.

“What is?”

She swallows hard, fingers carding gently through Jamie’s hair. The gray seems to gleam in the glow of the streetlamp through their window.

“That I’m not...that I don’t look...”

Jamie pushes onto one elbow, peering at her in the dark. “You look like you,” she says, when Dani is unable to press on. “You look like Dani.”

She’s trying to answer the other question, Dani understands, the one being asked with greater frequency: am I here? am I me? what if I’m her, deep down, and have been all along? She shakes her head.

“That’s not...I’m not...”

Jamie waits, brow knit the way it always has when she’s listening. Even when her expression smooths out into sleep, that small divot will remain, etched into her skin like a tattoo memorializing all these late-night conversations. Dani reaches up, presses her thumb gently to it now, her breath hitching when Jamie turns to kiss her palm.

“It’s nothing,” she says. There’s no way to explain it without making Jamie worry more, worry again, lose yet more sleep watching for signs Dani is slipping away.

Jamie nods slowly, not quite believing, not quite daring to call out the lie. “All right,” she says, and the silver in her hair seems to burn, and Dani loves her enough to close her eyes and pretend everything is okay.

When morning comes, she wards off the thoughts. It’s easier, in daylight. Easier to turn her head, fix her eyes on Jamie, allow the familiarity of Jamie’s hands, smile, kiss sweep the fear back under the bed. The nights are long, the dark heavier than it has any right to be, but in sunlight, Jamie shines. The chain around her neck--the colors in her eyes--the silver shot through her hair. In sunshine, Jamie is the most alive any person can be.

And if she is, so must Dani be--because there is so much love in the way Jamie tips into her arms, so much affection in the sweep of her kiss, in the way she leads them around the kitchen in an impromptu waltz. Jamie, as always, burning away the shadows.

Jamie, who dips her backward, drinking in her laughter with the biggest grin in the world. Who cuts her eyes to the right. Who tightens her mouth in surprise.

“Hang on,” she says, her hands still braced at Dani’s back and hip. “What the fuck is this?”

Dani’s heart gives a giant leap, her hands clutching at Jamie’s shirt for balance. This is it, she thinks. She can see her now. She can see her, not me, and it’s over, it’s all over, it’s--

“Dani.” Jamie is frowning, easing her back to her feet. She crouches down, gazing into the window of the oven. One hand rises to her head, her brow furrowed.

She sees her, Dani thinks, backing toward the sink. She sees her, and--

“Jesus, how long has my hair looked like that?”

She blinks, shaking the panic away. “What?”

Jamie is looking at her, almost awestruck, her face clean and younger than usual with the last vestiges of sleep clinging to her eyes. “All that gray. Knew there were one or two, but--”

Dani is laughing. Leaning back against the counter, the mirth spilling out of her, she laughs. Jamie, straightening up with a low groan--her knees pop audibly, her head shaking--looks bewildered.

“Suppose you thought you’d just wait,” she says dryly, “and see if I ever noticed?”

Dani nods, cackling too hard to answer. It’s become so normal, counting the bright bursts amid Jaime’s natural hair color; she’s honestly forgotten Jamie ever didn’t have these silver sparks. Every inch of her, from the crow’s feet etched near her eyes to the tiny scars on her hands, is quite simply home.

Jamie is plainly trying to look grumpy now, her hand tangling her hair. With Dani giggling like this, unable to catch her breath, she isn’t doing a very good job.

“Been this way a while?”

“Years,” Dani giggles. “Since I proposed. Before.”

Jamie rolls her eyes, slouching the two steps it takes to reach the counter and Dani’s shaking frame. “You,” she says in a mock-irritated tone, “are supposed to help with these things.”

“With what?” Dani brushes the hair back from her eyes. “You’re beautiful. And more than that, you’re...stately.”

“Stately,” Jamie repeats with a snort. “Haven’t heard that one. That’s a Hannah word, if ever there was one.”

They sober, just a little, the appropriate affection offered to memory. Jamie’s head bows against her own, her nose brushing Dani’s lightly.

“I like it,” Dani says, her voice soft. “I like watching it happen. Like growing old...”

She trails off. She isn’t growing old, is the thing. Isn’t changing. Is as incontrovertible as a lake set into ancient grounds. She is not growing old at all.

Jamie’s fingers curl around her chin, tipping her head back. “Growing old together,” she says, firmly. Not denial, exactly--just certainty. Jamie, imposing her will on a world that tries so hard to have its own way with them both.

“Growing old together,” Dani repeats, and even if it isn’t true in the strictest sense--even if it doesn’t look like it should--she knows Jamie believes it. Knows Jamie will fight tooth and nail to make the universe bend around her love.

There are things, Jamie believes, that are natural. Organic. Exactly as they should be. There are things that can’t be changed by dreams, whims, magic spells.

They will grow old together. That is, Jamie believes, the way the world works. The way it has always been and will always be. Jamie’s hair grows silver. Jamie’s skin etches with lines. Jamie’s hands are solid in her own, though she sometimes bends her fingers with a grimace, rubs her wrists when the weather angles toward snow.

They will grow old together. For Jamie, there is simply no other consideration to be made.

“I like it,” Dani repeats, fingering the nearest strand of gray. “It’s distinguished.”

Jamie, shaking her head, is grinning as she leans in for a kiss.

#fanfiction #ficlet #the haunting of bly manor #the haunting of bly manor spoilers #dani x jamie #damie #I either post nothing for six days or multiple things at once #no middle ground we write erratically like kings #anyway: Jamie's silver hair is peak!Jamie I will hear no arguments

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illyaana · 3 years

Text

Squiggles - Oikawa Tooru

Thanks to @pocky-writes for this collab! It was so fun to do~ Check out all the other writers involved in the collab here ヾ(•ω•`)o

Tags: Oikawa's POV, Angst, Minor Fluff, Cursing, Kissing, SFW, Manga Spoiler (Oikawa and Iwaizumi's future jobs)

Synopsis: You entered Oikawa's life - and it hasn't been the same ever since. (If I give anymore, it'll be spoilers TwT) (I also named Oikawa's sis Miho-)

Word Count: 4334

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All stories are basically a squiggly line - it has ups and downs with multiple loops in random spots. Some parts might be thicker or shorter than others, but all points of the story make up a giant, huge squiggly line that either brings you joy or sadness. I wanted my story to be as thick and long as possible - to outshine all the other squiggles the world has to offer. It was going to be the best squiggle ever until you came along and made it loopier and uneven.

I remember the first day you came into our class so vividly.

I had rushed to the school to copy Iwa-chan’s homework. The Kitagawa Daiichi blazer I wore was soaked in sweat thanks to me running a few blocks in several minutes. Of course, Iwa was in the classroom, waiting for school to start. He had rolled up his sleeves and was reading the literature component assigned to us - the very book I never touched ever since volleyball practices began.

“You are of a different breed, Oikawa,” Iwa-chan mumbled as he passed his book to me, “This is the last time you’re doing this.”

No, it isn’t.

“Yes, sir.”

I pulled out my book and began to move at top speed, hoping I would finish before class began.

That’s when you opened the door, breaking my concentration.

You were glowing. The school blazer seemed so big on you - as if someone with a bigger physique gave it to you - but you look so precious in it. You had a jump in your step, a wide smile plastered on your face. Your hair looked so soft even from a mile away. You seemed so at peace with everything - even when you entered a new school.

You carried yourself with such confidence it scared me.

I loved being the confident one, the hot one, the cheerful one - yet you stole those roles from me the second you walked into the school campus.

I didn’t know what I felt; was it inferiority or was it just pure admiration? Maybe a combination of both?

All of this… It was so new to me.

I was always surrounded by those who were eager for my approval - to be part of my posse and be connected to me in some way, but I just wanted to be around you. It was the first time I ever took an interest in anyone excluding my volleyball team.

It’s weird, isn’t it? The feeling of warmth rushing through your skin, but your throat just feels tight - it doesn’t want you to say anything you would regret, so it tries to hold you back. Your palms sweat and become clammy, goosebumps rise on your skin - it is so freeing yet restricting.

I wanted to come and welcome you to the school - maybe take you around the school grounds, show off a bit at the gym, find out who you are as a person - if I got lucky, even get your phone number.

“ ‘kawa, are they new? I feel like I’ve never seen them before…” Iwaizumi asked, pulling on my rolled-up sleeve.

Of course, this had to happen, didn’t it?

Iwaizumi tried to cover his red face with his arms, but he was failing miserably. His forehead began to sweat, a trail of water dripping down his chin. His chocolate eyes glowed just like your skin - so much so you could see the hazel flecks within them. His whole arm was covered in raised goosebumps, just like mine.

He was attracted to you.

“I think they are,” I replied, hiding my feelings with a smile, “Why Iwa-chan? Oh my god Iwa, you’re blushing!”

Iwaizumi threw a book to my face, earning a groan from me.

“Shut up, Shittykawa,” he says, blushing in a deeper red, “...but yeah, I think I do.”

“Well, if you want them to swoon for you just like how almost all the girls of the school do for me, I can help you. Just with the daily fee of milk bread during recess, I can turn your single ass into a full-fledged bachelor!” I say, trying to lighten up the mood.

“I'll buy you milk bread for lunch, either way,” he mumbled.

“See? It’s basically free, isn’t it? The best part of it all; it comes with a free gift! A box of milk every day so that you can grow taller-” Book number two found its place on my forehead once again.

“You’re such an idiot,” he says midst chuckling, “Thanks for the offer, Tooru. I think I’ll do this by myself, though.”

“Ok, then! Just so you know, the offer is always on the table,” I smirk, teasing the shorter male even more, “Don’t forget the milk.”

“I am never buying you anything ever again.”

Classes went on as usual, but I couldn’t focus at all.

I kept on staring at you from my seat - enjoying every single thing you did. I saw how you’d raise your shoulders in frustration when you couldn’t understand a question, how you’d bite the end of your pencil when you were focusing on the class, how you’d play with your fingers when you were stressed - I was taking mental notes without even realizing it. I loved all the small little huffs you’d make when you’re agitated. Judging by how you were speeding through most of the questions, you seemed to be a smart student.

I kept on playing small scenarios that I would do to get your attention.

Maybe I’d ask you a question and act like I couldn’t understand the whole topic so that you could tutor me, or I should just ask you about your opinions on the essay topic we discussed in class, or I could tease you about that small thing you did in front of the classroom when the teacher wasn’t looking.

But I would never do that to Iwaizumi.

My mind replayed that small scene of him blushing just at the mere glance of you. If he could, he would’ve already gushed about you to me - tell me all the things I already knew just by looking at you. He’d go on and on about how you squinched your nose when you drank that hot drink a bit too early and burnt your tongue.

His squiggle was already slowly moving around you, making a loop fitted for you and you alone - and I will happily watch from the sidelines when you two finally become a thing.

“Welcome back, Tooru!” My sister said from the kitchen, “Give me a minute, I’m helping mom prepare lunch.”

I placed my bag in front of my room and headed to the kitchen.

“Don’t make poison, please!” I tease her, enjoying the annoyed expression on her face.

“Tooru!” Mom sighed, “We’re inviting our new neighbors for dinner today. Go shower and get ready.”

I stuck my tongue out at my sister, earning an anger-filled hum from my mother. I ran to my room and soon headed to the shower to get ready.

Slinging the white towel on my shoulder, I head back to the kitchen area and set the table for the meal.

“Where are they from again?” Miho asked Mom.

“They’re apparently from Tokyo. The father passed away recently, so the mother had to bring the rest of the family to Miyagi to reduce the financial burden. Sad, isn’t it?” she replied.

“We should help them here and there,” Miho started, “We don’t need to give them money, but maybe help them get used to the city?”

I nodded, but I wasn’t present in the conversation ever since Mom mentioned Tokyo.

“Do they have a kid my age?” I ask, hoping that I’m wrong.

“I think there’s one that just transferred to your school?”

Please, don’t be who I think it is.

The doorbell rang, shaking me out of my thoughts.

I slowly headed to the door, gripping the doorknob tightly as I slowly opened the door.

I was right.

“Hello, Oikawa-san! It’s me, Y/N, from your class,” you said, a smile on your face.

“I just wanted to thank you and your family for your generous offer, but we can’t join you for dinner today,” you started, “Mom has to go get some things settled before she can come for dinner. Sorry, again…”

“What about you? Have you eaten anything yet?” My mom asked as she walked towards the door, “If you want, you can eat dinner here and bring some back for your mom.”

“Really?!” Your lips widened, “Thank you so much, aunty!”

You sat right beside me, just like Iwa-chan does when he comes over. I loved seeing you talk so comfortably with my family. I could see my mom’s adoration towards you when you talked about your life back in Tokyo. Your eyes lit up when you talked about your family - even if you were talking about your father.

You didn’t know it yet, but your presence makes my squiggle a little lighter.

“What school are you going to, Y/N?” Mom asked.

“I’m going to Kitagawa Daiichi like Oikawa-san. I am in his class, actually... “ you trail off.

“Do you want me to walk you to school? I don’t mind doing it, but Iwaizumi would be joining us too. Are you okay with that?” I ask, gripping the ends of my shirt.

For the first time in my life, I hated the fact I had to be beside Iwaizumi.

“Thanks, Oikawa-san. It means a lot,” you smiled.

I regret asking you that question.

I had to see Iwaizumi try to flirt with you.

I had to see how you’d occasionally lean your head on my shoulder when we walked to school until Iwaizumi met up with us in the middle of our walk to school.

I had to see Iwaizumi carry your bag - something I wanted to do.

I had to see Iwaizumi make small jokes to you - something I wanted to do.

I had to see you enjoy Iwaizumi’s presence - something I wanted you to only feel for me.

I had to let it happen in front of me, didn’t I?

Books and movies never compare to the real thing; to see the person you love gush over someone you love like a sibling.

But you were closest to me, not Iwa-chan.

You came to me when you had problems, not Iwa-chan.

You stayed over at my place to relax, not Iwa-chan’s.

You watched movies with me, played games with me, told secrets to me - not Iwa-chan.

Your squiggle intertwined with mine more than Iwa-chan’s.

“Tooru,” you said as you played with the rogue strands of my hair as your head laid on my lap, “Do you want to go out on a trip?”

“What? Why?”

“We’re graduating, but we never had a trip together. It’s weird, isn’t it?” You say, slowly getting up.

I pushed your head back on my lap, earning a muffled squeal from you.

“It isn’t, to be honest,” I say, “...but I do like the idea.”

“So, we’re doing it?” you say as you wiggle your feet in excitement.

“Yeap. I’ll ask Iwa-chan if he wants to join,” I say as I grab my phone.

“I was kind of hoping that it would be just the two of us? I haven’t been able to talk to you without anyone intervening for a long time, and there’s a lot I wanna talk about.”

You looked at me, hoping for some reaction, but I couldn’t say anything.

If I was not friends with Iwaizumi, I would’ve said yes almost immediately.

I know I love you - ever since I saw you, I have.

But Iwaizumi deserves someone amazing like you.

I don’t.

“Tell me, then! I don’t think Mom’s coming home anytime soon and Miho is working right now, so there isn’t anyone who’d disturb us now,” I say through gritted teeth.

I felt your disappointment when you sighed and moved to lie down on my bed.

“I guess I’ll tell you another day.”

I felt your squiggle moving away from me - moving on without mine.

Soon, our one-week trip to Tokyo began.

Thanks to months and months of pestering, our parents let us go by ourselves to the city you grew up in.

I could see everything in your eyes, thanks to your stories about this place. The small, quaint shops, the smell of freshly made Taiyaki at the side of the road, the small kids running on the pavement while being chased by angry parents - all of it.

“Oikawa!” you patted my shoulder, “That’s the bakery I talked about last time. You know, the one with amazing cheese tarts? Oh, that’s where my dad gave me my first cup of coffee!”

Iwaizumi chuckled as he focused on the road, admiring your love for the city.

“Why are you laughing, pine cone hair?” You tease Iwaizumi, trying to get more reactions from him.

“Nothing! You sound cute, that’s all,” he said as he focused on the road.

“Oh, really~?” You move closer to Iwaizumi and whisper something in his ear, making him blush instantly.

There it is.

That icky feeling I hate.

Why did it come now? I was with Y/N and Iwaizumi - the people I care about the most.

Go away.

Get out.

I don’t need you.

“Well, I’ll just chaperone Oikawa then, Hajime. Have fun all by yourself in a huge city you don’t know well,” you say, teasing him even more.

Hajime.

They said Hajime - not Iwaizumi.

“Geez, get a room, you two.”

“Sad I’m taking your husband away, Tooru?”

“The fuck, Y/N!” Both Iwa-chan and I scream.

You laugh as you lean back into the backseat.

“What? You both are an old couple,” you begin, “Oikawa is the flamboyant one and Iwaizumi is the man that’s only gay for Oikawa and actually thinks before doing something.”

“Did everyone think I’m gay for Oikawa?” Iwa says under his breath.

“Yeap,” you reply, “Many girls were sad, to be honest. I kept on telling them you’re straight, but they didn’t listen,” you shrug.

“And me?” I ask.

“You were labelled as the hot pansexual, lucky you,” you reply with an eye roll.

“Why did no one tell me…” Iwaizumi said to himself, worried.

“Honey~,” I began teasing the ‘pinecone’.

“Shut the fuck up, Shittykawa.”

“ ‘Shut the fuck up, Shittykawa’ - why don’t you give an actual nice nickname for the brunette over here,” you ask him, playing with the stressed driver.

“No.”

“Do it or I’m calling you pinecone for the rest of your life.”

“No.”

“Do it or I’ll tell them-” I say before getting cut off by Iwaizumi himself.

“Prettykawa.”

“Holy shit, Y/N,” I wiped my fake tears, “He called me pretty! Darling~”

“Oh my god, Oikawa,” you say, laughing as I hug Iwaizumi’s arm.

Our squiggles were intertwined and in a good way - that’s all that mattered.

“Oikawa,” Iwaizumi looked at me with a serious face, “I think I am going to confess to them tonight.”

Wait, you are?

Please don’t.

Don’t take them away from me.

I need them.

Iwaizumi, please don’t.

“Finally! It’s about time you made your move - I think they like you too, so you have a shot.”

It’s true - I see how they stare at you.

Their eyes are filled with admiration, lips fixed in a soft smile, their hands grazing your cheek - they love you as much as you love them, Iwaizumi.

“Thanks for supporting me, Tooru. It really means a lot to me,” he says as he hugged me, “Thanks for being my best friend.”

I haven’t been a good friend, Iwa.

I fell for the same person.

I want to steal them from you so badly, but I can’t bring myself to hate you.

I want to hate you so bad, but I can’t.

This feeling… I hate it.

“Thanks for being mine, too.” I smiled, but the smile never reached my eyes.

You’re taking them away from me, Iwaizumi.

You could’ve gotten anyone else, but you took them away from me.

I don’t want to feel this - this hatred growing within, yet here I am, cursing you in my head the minute I see you.

“Go! Why are you wasting time?” I say, pushing you towards the door.

I saw the smile you gave me as you ran to her room.

You are such an amazing person, Iwa-chan.

You can care for someone who deeply hates you.

I saw how they were basically draped around you for the next few days. They looked so happy just to be beside you.

Each day, their eyes spoke stories of love for you, Iwa. They used to come over to my place and gush about you every day, like a ritual.

You’re so fucking lucky, Iwaizumi. This isn’t fair.

They’d go on and on about your physique, your personality and the small things you’d do.

Congratulations, they finally paid attention to the things you did for them. I’m happy for you, Iwa.

I am happy for the two of you, truly.

They are truly happy.

I could’ve never done that - never.

I just wish I wasn’t walking towards the gym that day.

I saw your first kiss under that tree - the tree the three of us used to spend under while waiting for practice to start.

I saw how their hands gripped on the back of your head, pressing themselves on you. I saw how you gripped their hips oh so tightly as you showed them your passion towards them. I saw how breathless they looked the minute your lips left theirs. I saw how they grazed your chin whilst staring into your eyes in admiration.

I pictured how it would’ve been if I was in your position.

I would’ve held them tighter, pressed my forehead against theirs so that our noses would brush against each other. They’d play with the ends of my hair, going on and on about how soft each lock was like they usually do. They’d eye my lips as I stared at their soft and supple lips. I’d press the tip of my thumb on their bottom lip, enjoying the view of their parted lips made just for me and me alone. Slowly, I would kiss their cheeks, hoping for some cute reaction from them. From their cheeks, I would drag my lips to their chin, placing soft kisses here and there.

I would then press my lips against theirs, enjoying the soft noises escaping their lips.

But I never will - you’re theirs as they’re yours.

Of all places, why did you have to choose there?

I can’t come back here without thinking about that kiss now.

That icky feeling…

It’s back.

Go away.

Get out of me.

I am happy.

“Damn, Iwaizumi,” Matsun said as he approached the gym, “Y/N’s really in love with them, huh?”

“Shut it, Matsun,” Maki said, looking at me.

Of course, he’d notice.

I am in love with his friend's girlfriend, after all.

“What? He’s telling the truth; they’re so in love with each other they can’t even see that three people saw their first kiss!” I shouted, earning a growl from the black-haired male hugging Y/N.

“Out of all the times, Shittykawa…”

“You better run, he looks feral!” You shouted, laughing.

“You sure he wasn’t feral ever since he initiated that kiss? I saw that hand wandering, Iwaizumi~!” Matsukawa shouted as he ran to the gym.

“Iwaizumi isn’t innocent anymore. You aren’t part of the gang anymore man, stay back,” Hanamaki said, wiping a fake tear whilst gripping his sides, “You’ve grown up too quick, Iwa-senpai.”

“You okay, ‘kawa?” Maki said as he turned to me, rubbing my back.

“I am fine, Maki. Go ahead - go to the gym, I’ll come in a minute,” I gave him a nod as I walked to the toilet.

That day was the first day I cried over someone in school, and hopefully the last.

“Tooru… Tohru…” You mumbled.

“Yes, my name is similar to the main character’s. What about it?” I sigh.

“We should get you a cat. Who knows, you might kiss it and it’ll become a girl?” Iwa chirped.

“That’s a cat version of Princess and the Frog,” I say, annoyed.

“Stupid,” you hit Iwa’s thigh, “Get with the program.”

Iwa groaned as he rubbed his leg, “That was really painful, dumbass.”

“Tohru, he called me dumbass,” you whined.

“I am not Tohru - it’s Tooru.”

“Brown hair, all of the people around them falling in love with them, high pitched voice… that’s you,” Iwa joked.

“Major flaw in your theory - I am not a girl.”

“Alternate universe Tohru then,” you said, enjoying the banter.

“Tohru plays with animals, I play with a volleyball team.”

“How do you know she isn’t in a volleyball team? It was never specified she isn’t part of a volleyball team.”

“It’s never specified that she is part of a volleyball team,” I say, clearly annoyed by this conversation.

“I’m getting you a cat - a ginger one,” Iwa said, grabbing his phone from the side table.

“Don’t get me a cat!”

“Get him a cat, love. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’ll love it,” you said, leaning against Iwaizumi’s chest to see his phone screen.

“Holy shit,” you said, holding back a laugh, “He’s actually looking-”

“Iwaizumi Hajime!” I scream, making both Iwaizumi and you laugh loudly.

“I was looking at a cat meme, stupid.”

I sign out of frustration and look back at the TV screen, avoiding the mischievous couple.

I eyed the way they were sitting on the couch.

You were seated in between Iwaizumi’s legs, their back pressed against his front. Their hands played with Iwaizumi’s left hand, fiddling with his fingers as they stared at the screen in front of them. Iwaizumi wasn’t looking at the screen though - he was staring at his lover who was fully immersed in the scene unfolding in front of them. His right hand grazed their right hand, enjoying the feeling of them comfortable in his arms.

You looked happy, and that’s all that mattered.

The last episode soon finished and you looked to the ceiling, stretching your neck.

“So sad it’s over,” you said, smiling.

“At least it had a good ending. I don’t think I need to remind you how heartbroken you were when we watching Banana Fish’s-”

“Don’t remind me - I’ll cry here and now.”

You got off the couch and walked towards the kitchen to get a drink.

“So,” you plopped on the couch, leaning against Iwa, “What’s the final plan, Mr Tohru?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your life after high school, of course! What’s the plan? I know Hajime is planning to be a trainer, but you never told me what your plan is.”

Hajime.

Again with the Hajime.

Just use Iwaizumi, for fuck’s sake.

“...Tooru?”

I snap out of my thoughts. “Oh.”

“You’ve been out of it recently. You’re okay, right?” You say as you walk to sit beside me.

I chuckle, looking at your concerned face.

“I’m good - just stressed about life, that’s all. I am not so sure as to what’s the next step, but it’s going pro.”

You hug me from the side, placing your head on my shoulder.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you, now? Aren’t you scared that you might make Hajime jealous?” I tease.

“I don’t know - I just feel I need to do this, like a feeling that you might do something rash.”

I felt tears wet the side of my shirt.

My eyes darted to the sight of you, sobbing, gripping on my shirt.

“Don’t you dare forget me, okay?” You say through sniffles, “I sure as hell won’t forget you.”

I cup your face in my hands, wiping off the trailing tears.

“I won’t.”

You made a huge loop on my squiggle, Y/N - I don’t I can ever forget you.

TO: Y/N (2:30 a.m.)

It’s been so many years, Y/N.

You’ve blossomed into the amazing person I knew you’d be.

I saw Iwa-chan recently - after all, he’s training the Japan team.

I actually made it into a team - the Argentinian Volleyball team.

I kept on doubting myself, but you kept on reminding me of how good of a setter I was back in high school.

I know you’re busy being the big person in your industry - congrats on all the awards again, I keep forgetting to contact you.

If you’re down, maybe we can call? I miss your voice.

I sent the message, hoping you’d reply as fast as you used to when we were in high school.

I looked from the hotel window, trying to imagine how the scenery is back home in Miyagi.

The roaring fields, the birds flying in the sky as we walked down that small pathway, that traffic light you’d draw on while waiting for the cars to pass - I remembered it all.

I remembered it all just because you were part of it.

Funny, isn’t it? After so many years, I still think of you.

Not as my friend’s lover, but mine.

I shouldn’t have invited Iwaizumi to that trip.

I should’ve just kept you all to myself - protect you from the world.

I should’ve just kept Iwaizumi out of your life - not let him in at any point.

I should’ve just told him how I feel about you.

I tried so hard to get over you, Y/N.

I met so many other people, hoping they could fill up the hole you left when you left me for him. I had so many sour relationships just because I was comparing them to the rhetorical you that I dated. If the world had given me a second chance, I would be standing beside you - I would work to provide for you the best the world had to offer.

But in the end, your squiggle was meant to grow without mine. I had to accept it and move on, as much as it hurts.

Covid 19: Angst train :)

All reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated!!!

#⎯ pocky's 500 collab #Illyaana | Oikawa Tooru #Illyaana | Aoba Johsai #Illyaana | Third Years #Illyaana | Haikyuu!!#oikawa tooru #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa x reader #oikawa x y/n #angelwalker's virtues #oikawa x you #oikawa toru x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x self insert #haikyuu x reader #hihqnetwork

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jjmaybanksbaby · 3 years

Text

Where It Leads (Rafe Cameron)

Summer IV

Part 07: Crashing Down

series masterlist | previous part

summary: A jarring family emergency forces you to consider the future of your relationship with Rafe Cameron.

a/n: I'm a little bit emotional about this series ending because I've had so much fun writing it! Enjoy the last part and, as always, please come share your reactions with me in my inbox. Okay, that's all from me!

word count: 2.1k words

Rafe Cameron knew how to text. He was somehow witty, charming, and hilarious all in less characters than a single tweet. Texting with most boys was like talking to a brick wall: single-syllable answers, unironic uses of punctuation, asking “What are you wearing?” before even listening to how your day went. Though, to be fair, Rafe had asked that same question a few times, which always earned him a sarcastic answer in return. Well, except for that one time.

You’d been forced to spill the beans about your dreamy summer romance to Alice and Kensie after one of Rafe’s funnier texts almost made you pee yourself laughing at the lunch table.

“Oh, so he’s a stud muffin,” Alice announced, peering over Kenzie’s shoulder at the photo on your phone.

“Please god don’t call anyone a stud muffin ever again Al,” Kenzie replied.

“What? The 80s are like making a comeback.”

“Yeah, not that,” you countered and Alice huffed.

“He’s totally hot though,” Kenzie said, handing the phone back to you. “And I kinda hate you for not telling us about him.”

You looked down at the picture. Rafe was kissing your check while you grinned up at the camera, the golden hour lighting made the whole thing look rather enchanting. It was your favorite picture of you and him.

“Oh shit,” Kenzie said causing you to look up from the phone. “You’re like in love in love with him.”

“What? No,” you protested. Yes, your brain corrected.

Kenzie glanced over at Alice for backup.

“Besides, I wasn’t hiding him. I just didn’t know if there was anything there to...tell,” you finished.

“I wish I had a handsome summer fling with spectacular cheekbones,” Alice sighed.

“Don’t let your boyfriend hear you saying that.” Kenzie chucked a fry off her tray at Alice who dodged it expertly.

“Oh, please. Matty knows I would dump his ass for someone who looks like a young Chuck Bass any day of the week. Gimme your phone. I wanna see the photos again y/n.”

“I seriously don’t know how you and Matthew have been together for two years,” Kenzie replied.

“Are you kidding? They’re practically made for each other,” you added.

“The phone, please,” Alice interjected. “I wanna thirst over your mans while my boyfriend is sucking up to his English teacher so she doesn’t fail him. Of course, I told him he needed to actually read Wuthering Heights and not just sparknotes it. But did he listen? No. I picked a real winner y’all,” she finished, taking the phone from your outstretched hands. “You sure Rafe doesn’t have any brothers? Not even like a half-step brother?”

So yeah, going great. Against the odds of three thousand miles, the whole thing was somehow working. Long-distance friends with benefits? Check. Well, except for those moments when that nagging feeling in your stomach came back and you’d start overthinking everything. His texts would sit, unread in your phone for days or even a whole week, slowly sinking to the bottom of your messages.

Then came the call from the Kildare Country Hospital in the early hours of a foggy April morning. You should have gone to sleep hours ago but were still up, desperately trying to cram Maria’s lines into your brain while also texting Rafe. The Sound of Music opened in three weeks and your director had already chewed you out twice for not being off-book, something about being an upperclassman and the lead, and what kind of an example were you setting for the rest of the program. Big speeches were kind of your director's thing, you learned to just ride them out.

Around 1 a.m. your phone ran with an incoming FaceTime call from Rafe. You pressed the green acccept button, a smile spread across your face as Rafe’s own filled the screen.

“Hey Broadway Star.”

“Hi Rafe.” The dim lighting of his bedroom made his feature especially striking. “What are you still doing up?”

“Can’t sleep. Plus you’re up too so. How’s the memorizing going?”

“Shitty,” you replied, closing your binder with a sigh. “I’m too tired to do anymore of it tonight anyway.”

“You know, I was thinking I could come to Oregon for your opening night?”

“Really?” The possibility of Rafe sitting in the audience made your heart race.

“Yeah, why not? I’ll ask Ward if I can borrow the plane that weekend and I bet Sarah’ll want to come too. I wanna see my girl kill it. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Rafe. You know my friends think you’re hot.”

“Oh, do they?” Rafe replied, rolling over onto his back in his bed.

“Don’t let it get to your head, Cameron.”

The home phone ran but you ignored it, much more invested in your conversation with Rafe. The second time the hospital left a message. Your Nonna’s heart had given out. The prognosis wasn’t good. She had barely any time left.

Your heart dropped as the words echoed over the speaker of the answering machine.

“Rafe,” you said, cutting him off momentarily. “I gotta go. I’ll call you back later. I gotta-” you ended the call before Rafe even had the chance to respond. You dropped your phone on the kitchen table, dashing up the stairs to your parents’ bedroom. Your father was booking a flight for your mother back to the Outer Banks minutes later.

The end had come so quickly, so unexpectedly. It was almost like that made it harder. There'd been just enough time for your mom and uncle to get to the Outer Banks, sitting on each side of your Nonna as her final breaths passed through her lungs. Now, everyone was there to say goodbye one last time. Uncle Austin and his fiancé. Your mom and dad. Both your siblings. The entire population of Figure Eight.

☼☼☼

Rain drizzled down from the dark, gray clouds looming overhead. It was as if Mother Nature was mourning your Nonna too, hiding the sunshine away.

Three baby ducks followed their mama into the man-made pond at the edge of the cemetery. You watched their tiny feet kick up small waves disturbing the peaceful water and the tears silently slipped down your face.

The cars were waiting to take you back to your Nonna's house for the wake. The same house with the for-sale sign now stuck in the front yard. The for-sale sign with Rose's patronizing grin that you were starting to really hate. Your dad had handled that. Listing the house. He'd handled most of the funeral arrangement's actually because your mother had been too sunken into her grief to make any decision. Sending out the invitations, picking out your Nonna's casket, choosing the flowers. Your mother clung to him during the entire funeral, weeping into his shoulder.

“Y/n?” Rafe's voice called out from behind you and you turned to see him walked toward you. He’d stood at the back of the church with his family during the funeral. You had longed for him to be sitting in the first pew next to you, to have had his hand to hold onto to ground you, but it hardly would have been appropriate. Your Nonna would have sooner risen from the dead than have had a Cameron front row at her funeral.

As soon as he was close enough, Rafe reached for you, pulling your body tight into him. Your head landed on his chest and the sobs came moments later. God, he always smelled the same. He just let you cry, holding you close, smoothing his hand over your hair.

“I know you’re selling your grandma’s house but I was thinking you could stay with me for the summer," he said as your tears began to slow. It was hard to imagine that you wouldn't return to the Outer Banks once school let out. It was the first week of May already and you could feel the tourist-attracting town waking up. But selling the house just made more sense. Your older sister was already living her life in New York, a real adult life. Next summer, you'd be moving out too, headed to college. The house would sit empty for eight months out of the year, your family couldn't keep it and your uncle certainly didn’t want it. Selling it just had to happen.

You stepped back, slipping out of his embrace. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Rafe.”

“Why not?”

“Cause we’re like Romeo and Juliet.”

“I copied Cleo’s notes for that unit," he joked, trying to lighten to damp mood. “Plus I was never a fan of Leo DiCaprio so I didn’t finish the movie either.”

“It means we’re not supposed to be together, you and me. And whenever we try, the universe rips us apart. We hurt each other.”

Rafe shifted awkwardly on his feet, clearly wanting to reach for you again but stopping himself from doing it. “But I can't lose you.”

You reached your hand out, brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “Oh Rafe, don’t you get it? You never really had me.” You stood up onto your tiptoes to kiss him just like you had the first time three years ago. Rafe barely parted his lips, kissing you back gently. Your hand cupped his face, your thump stroking over his cheek. It was a goodbye. Both of you knew it. It was an ending and this was your closure. You pulled away, your hand falling away from his face.

You couldn’t bring yourself to say the actual words. Your eyes fell to the ground. You needed to walk away now. You side-stepped Rafe but he grabbed your waist, turning you back around to face him.

“So that’s it? You’re not even gonna try to fight for us?”

“What even is there to fight for, Rafe? I’ve been fighting for us for the past four years. If we were supposed to be together that car wouldn’t have crashed into ours, I wouldn’t have fallen for Evan when I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at my Nonna’s funeral. What? Are we supposed to do long distance for all of college? I hardly know who I am right now. I have no idea who I’ll be in the next four years. Our future selves might not even like each other. I’m not gonna wait around for you Rafe and I would never ask you to do that for me.” You twirled the small, star charm between your fingers, a nervous habit you'd developed over the past year. His eyes dropped down to your neck momentarily and his adam's apple visibly bobbing as he swallowed his next weeks.

“You were it for me, you know. I tried to give a fuck about anyone else but I couldn’t get your gorgeous, stupid face out of my mind. I only wanted you.” Rafe paused gauging your reaction “I was falling in love with you.”

Your eyes wandered over his stoic expression. “The feeling was mutual, Rafe Cameron.”

He dropped your wrist but you both stood, not moving or saying anything. “Do you wanna walk me back to the car?”

“Yeah.” He reached for your hand, interlocking your fingers. Your other hand held onto his bicep so you walked together through the graveyard back to the parking lot.

The moment felt precious and delicate, like the fragile china your Nonna used to collect. You wondered what would happen to all that china.

Rafe placed a chaste kiss on your lips before opening the door of the car.

“I’ll miss you,” you said, the words hanging in the air meaning so much.

“Me too,” Rafe agreed.

You wanted one more kiss, one more passionate declaration of how much this all had meant but that would make leaving Rafe so much more impossible.

You climbed into the car, dropping Rafe’s hand in the process.

“See you around Cameron.” You knew it wouldn’t happen but it felt better than a goodbye.

He smiled back. “Maybe so.”

Perhaps Rafe was right and you’d both end up at a small liberal arts college in California taking the same second-year Econ class with a professor who always smelled like weed. Perhaps the stars would align and two of you would realize the universe wasn’t trying to keep you apart. It was just waiting for the right moment to show you that the love you had for each other was the soulmates, forever and ever kind of love. Perhaps you would get married and Sarah would be your maid of honor, of course. You’d buy back your Nonna’s house to raise your troubling-making kids in. Perhaps, you would find your way back and wake up each day and choose each other again and again.

Or perhaps, he'd always be your right-person-wrong-time. And, in the end, the passing days will steal away your memories of the blue-eyed boy from the Outer Banks.

taglist! @oreoenthusiast13

#outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron series #obx netflix #obx #obx fanfic #where it leads series #where it leads

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yostresswritinggirl · 4 years

Text

Scholars’ Chit Chat Submission

Cyno x Reader (actually platonic, in a way I guess, study partners, but possibly romantic in the future)

*Lore dump warning; Spoilers for all the Archon Quests and speculations of Teyvat; Really it’s all serious talk

XXX

“Hey Cyno,”

The said male turned away from the book he was reading, and focused his attention on you instead.

“What’s the matter?”

“Do you believe in eternity?”

Surprised at your sudden question, the male went quiet for a few moments.

“You want my own opinion or an objective one?”

“As much as I would like to hear both, it’s almost lunch time. So I would like to hear your opinion first.”

Sighing at your carefree reply, Cyno closed the book he was reading shut.

“Well, I simply don’t. After all, all living things will come to an end, it is the law of the universe and the reason why they say time is money.”

“Well yeah, I mean, our former archon did die five hundred years ago...”

Puzzled at your deflated mood, Cyno realised that this question didn’t simply popped out of your mind, but rather something that you had been thinking hard about for quite some time.

“Why’d you ask, by the way? You worried about the future?”

“It’s normal to be worried or even sacred okay? This is the very reason why we seek knowledge in the first place. To survive is the natural instinct of humans, and curiosity stems out of it as we can predict the future with more known about the world...”

“And yet the world is so vast, and our lives are so short, but we can pass down our knowledge through our legacy... That is the most basic right of humanity...”

“Yet don’t you think that it is strange? The fact that it has been thousands are even more years that we humans had been existed, there isn’t much we know about the pre-archon war era?”

Cyno looked down as he realised what you said was true.

“Indeed, but there isn’t much we can do about it isn’t there?”

“That’s the problem!! Nobody questions about it and that’s what makes it fishy!”

You are... Quite the special type of student at Sumeru Academia, even though you do seek knowledge about the world you all reside in. Due to the lack of Mysticism studies you didn’t take part in, you were the type to question everything, even the principles that had been decided by the Academia for centuries.

But that’s what allows your breakthroughs in your findings in the past few years here. Rather than focusing on a particular study or field, you tackle anything that comes in your way. Becoming one of the people who had read the most books in this grand library of Sumeru Academia.

Cyno liked that part of you, new perspectives shed more light to the field and it never gets boring when you suddenly throw questions at him for no absolute reason.

“The part where you go ‘seeing is believing’ is the easiest way to deceive someone?” He guessed, letting out a small chuckle.

“Exactly!! ‘Show not tell’, because people believe in what they see so when they try to deceive someone they show what they want them to see.”

“Illusions, mirages... People get tricked so easily without asking their own rationality!”

“So what you’re trying to say is-“

“That we should question this world in the first place!”

‘Here we go again...’ Cyno thought, but he didn’t actually mind your rambling.

“First! Why do we have to trust the gods in the first place? *All we can do is observe the chess game that the gods are playing, we don’t know the rules of the game, but as soon as we speculate it long enough, we’ll be able to guess what the rules are.”

“But in the end, we won’t know if we understand all of the rules cause who can predict what happens in the future anyways?”

“But with Astrology-“

“Do. not. interrupt me.”

Ah, you were getting heated up.

“With enough information, anyone can predict the future, they say. But can we actually do it? We can’t! We’re human after all.”

“Which leads to the question of, why don’t the gods spill the beans if the really care about us so much? But they didn’t.”

“I know it’s hypocritical to judge gods through mortal standards, but I have evidence.”

“If the gods truly care for each single human being of Teyvat, then shouldn’t everyone have a Vision if they’re supposed to be the grace from the gods?”

“You’re saying that those without Visions are not important in the eyes of the gods?”

“Hah, as much as I prefer that they care for both, my instincts tell me that they don’t care for either of them for some reason...”

Cyno narrowed his eyes at your slightly hesitant answer.

“Is this about you not able to obtain a Vision for yourself?”

“Cyno, how many times have I told you? If I were to receive a Vision, I would have went all the way to the archon responsible and politely give it back to them.”

“Politely?”

“Alright, maybe throwing it in their faces before telling them off that I don’t need it.”

“Violent as always, my dear.”

“Elemental energy is not magic anyways, we all know that, and the Hexenzirkel doesn’t often share their findings about Irminsul either...”

“Your point is…?”

“What’s ’free’ is the most expensive, even hilichurls are a problem for normal humans, yet Vision holders see them as eyesores more than anything… Everything comes with a price, Cyno, and I believe that you understand that well.”

“Indeed,” he agreed with a sigh. “For knowledge, we sacrifice time and our energy for it. And the culmination of many scholars forms this very library we are in.”

“The crystallisation of human knowledge, or so I recalled,” you agreed with a huff “but what if that’s the gods want us to believe in? Away from their true purposes in order to keep humanity under the reigns?”

“…”

“You angry? Sorry, I know that it’s disrespectful to judge on people’s faith like this, but I just can’t help but worry about the future when something big is about to happen…”

“N-no, I don’t mind, it’s just-“

“Explaining is concealing and concealing is the truth, go on.”

Cyno realised something, despite you knowing he has a Vision himself, you had come up with theories about the secrets about Visions, mostly concerning ones actually. But he understands it is a way of you caring for him, there are rumours about those who have Visions would one day disappear from the world.

You were scared that one day he would go somewhere that you cannot follow.

But as your partner, he has no intentions of it until you finally seek the answers you had longed for.

“The Geo Archon’s passing, Mondstadt’s Knights of Favonius incapable of fully stopping the Fatui, the electro Archon Baal stopped giving out Electro Visions since last year… Not to mention the Fatui following the Tsarista’s orders by any method of sort…” Cyno listed out. “Yes… It is all quite alarming…”

“But that promise we made the day we met, I have no intention of breaking it.”he reminded with a soft smile on his face.

“I am, your partner in crime after all.”

…

“Here you are again, saying things like that so easily…” you huffed, trying to contain your happiness from his words.

“Until the day I make the gods confess their intentions, I’m not letting you go anywhere without me!”

Seeing you back in your normal mood, the male smiled in relief, all that’s left is to lift your spirits up a bit more.

“I’ll treat you something sweet for lunch, what do you want?”

“W-Wha?! Umm…”

Seeing you flustered at his sudden question, Cyno knows that he had succeeded as you mumble under your breath about what you should pick.

‘Don’t worry too much about the future, try focus on what we have right now, alright?’

‘We are raging treason against the very laws of this world after all, so please allow me to enjoy such little time with you, my dear.’

XXX

I don’t know what I’m writing… QAQ

Exiled, if you want I can make a few more short dribbles about this (well mostly about how they meet and other stuff they think about-)

-lies on ground-

-and dies out of embarrassment-

-snowdrop, out

ANY CYNO CONTENT IS GOOD CONTENT, BUT THAT LORE DUMP WAS NICE AND REFRESHING. YES SNOWDROP, I DO WANT EM GIMME

#snowdrop anon #exile.flower #exiled community #Cyno x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #gender neutral #good shit #meaaaal #submission

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awritingtree · 4 years

Text

Burnout

Fred Weasley x reader

Summary: Y/N has been pushing herself past the limit with school work. When Fred notices her unusual behaviour, he decides to intervene. But what happens when Y/N snaps and says some things that could possibly destroy their relationship and friendship?

Words: ~2.5k

Warnings: angst, fluff?, mentions of anxiety attacks, lack of self-care

A/N: “What is this crap?” you ask. I don’t know myself 😂 this started off as one thing and ended up being something different. It really is not my best work. I don't know what I've written myself. I’m confused. Might delete it later, idk. But I hope you enjoy it xx

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

“Good morning love,” Fred Weasley greeted his girlfriend with a kiss to her cheek as she sat down at the Gryffindor table on a Friday morning at the Great Hall.

“Hi,” Y/N Y/L/N mumbled quietly without looking at him. She reached out to grab a piece of warm toast and spread some butter on it before taking a bite. She poured herself a glass of milk, gulping it down as she munched on her piece of toast as quick as she could.

Fred frowned at Y/N’s unusual behaviour. She’d usually greet him back with an enthusiastic ‘good morning’ hugging him tightly, proceeding to make a joke which would make his laughter echo through the Great Hall on a quiet morning. He shrugged off her behaviour, reckoning she must be stressed about the Transfiguration test that afternoon.

Y/N continued to gobble up her food at a speed that was not healthy.

“Slow down, Y/N. We don’t need you choking early in the morning,” joked Lee Jordan, eliciting a chuckle from the twins.

“Shove off, Jordan,” Y/N clipped back. She shoved down the remaining bits of the toast before getting up and stringing her bag over her shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Fred asked.

“I need to go talk to Professor Flitwick about the assignment he gave the other day. I’ll see you guys later,” she said, leaving in a hurry.

This made Fred concerned, wondering what was going on with his girlfriend. She left without giving him a kiss goodbye; that never happened. Before he could ponder more on the topic, George pulled his attention back to a prank they’d been discussing throughout the week.

And the topic was forgotten. For now.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

Y/N sat close to the Black Lake in the company of Fred, George and Lee. Sitting cross-legged, she leaned her elbows on her knees, fingers tangled in her hair, pulling at it in frustration. Her eyes scanned the open books strewn around her, searching for something to write on the blank piece of parchment perched on her lap.

“You’re coming to Hogsmeade tomorrow, right Y/N?” asked the younger twin.

Y/N looked up, a confused look on her face. “Huh?”

“You’re coming to Hogsmeade tomorrow?” questioned George once again, dragging his words out slowly.

“Oh. Um no,” she said, her attention already back to the books in front of her.

Fred’s grin dropped into a frown, his eyebrows scrunching together. “What? You promised you’d come this time. You’ve missed out on every single Hogsmeade trip this year.”

“I have a lot of work to do,” Y/N replied, barely paying attention to the conversation she was a part of.

“You’ve been working since the beginning of the year. You need a break, love.”

“I can’t afford to take a break, Fred,” huffed Y/N, her eyes moving to look at the ginger beside her. The dark circles under her eyes looked more prominent in the evening light. The exhaustion and lack of sleep clear on her face.

“You’re being unreasonable. You can take one day off.”

“No I can’t,” snapped Y/N aggravated, “Just because you don’t care about graduating and your future, doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t either.”

Fred’s face contorted in anger, her words hitting straight home. He got up and stormed away without another word.

George and Lee looked at Y/N disappointed before leaving too, chasing after Fred. Y/N sighed before looking down at the blank parchment on her. She pulled at her hair as she let out a small scream of frustration. Tears that had started to gather in eyes began to flow down her cheeks. She tore the parchment into pieces, throwing it away. Y/N had begun to tremble as she pushed the books around her, attempting to throw them away from her. When there were no more books in close proximity, she curled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, resting her forehead against her knees as she continued to cry.

Y/N’s fingers and toes beginning to freeze but her armpits and palms were sweating, feeling as if the temperature had been turned up a few notches. The world around her blurred out; no longer comprehending her surroundings. The only sound she could hear were her sobs as she gasped for breath. She could feel her heart thumping in her ears, the sound so loud that it almost drowned out the sound of her sobbing gasps. Her chest ached from the lack of oxygen. She could taste the salty tears streaming down her face onto her lips, feel the cold tears travelling to her jaw and down her neck. Any attempt to wipe her face clean was carried out in vain; the tears she wiped were replaced with double the amount.

“Y/N?” she heard a voice call out in the distance.

“Merlin! Y/N breathe with me okay?” the voice sounded nearer, however as if underwater, “Look at me. Y/N, look at me.”

A warm, soft hand rested on Y/N’s cheek guided her face to turn and face the voice’s owner. Y/N’s eyes focused onto the brown eyes of Ginny Weasley.

“You’re okay, Y/N. I’m here. Breathe. You can do that for me right?” she questioned softly, her voice still sounding underwater.

Y/N managed to get a small nod through her panic.

“Breathe in… 1 2 3... Breathe out… 1 2 3... Breathe in… 1 2 3... Breathe out… 1 2 3...” instructed Ginny, “Yes, just like that. Breathe… 1 2 3...” Y/N concentrated on listening to Ginny’s counts, attempting to breathe along with them. Soon enough, Ginny’s voice started to sound clear; Y/N feeling that her head was finally surfacing from the water she was drowning under. After a while, her breathing had started to regulate. A few gulps of air later, Y/N turned her attention to Ginny.

“Thank you,” Y/N muttered, quietly. She glanced away from the ginger-haired girl, not being able to hold eye contact due to the situation she had been caught in.

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m just glad I walked by at this time,” said Ginny with a soft smile. Y/N returned a small smile of her own.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Are you sure? Can I do anything?” Ginny asked, concerned for her brother’s girlfriend; someone whom she saw as her own sister.

“Yes. I’m fine now. I- I think I just need to go and rest for a while. Thank you, Ginny. I’ll see you later,” she said, gathering up her books hastily and leaving.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

Things had not gotten better the past few days. If anything, they had become much worse.

Fred and Y/N had not talked, only sparing glances at each other when the other wasn't looking. Though she had not mentioned what she had witnessed that day to anyone, Ginny was worried about Y/N; even more when she noticed her and Fred were currently not on speaking terms. George was concerned for both his twin and best friend; Fred was in a constant bad mood and Y/N looked worse for wear. The bags under her eyes looked darker, her skin beginning to turn sallow, her hair unkempt. George hardly saw her eating when she turned up to the Great Hall during any meal, sneaking a few bites in before leaving in a hurry. To say he was worried about her would be quite the understatement.

Y/N felt awful. She could barely get out of bed in the mornings. She was constantly tired, barely paying attention in classes. She couldn’t concentrate on anything, constantly wanting to do nothing but go back to bed. She continued to cry herself to sleep every night, like she had been for the past few weeks; the reason as to why she did not know. Her body ached all over, her head being the worst. She felt lethargic, not having any energy to even pick up a glass of water. She was falling behind on her work, her grades were slipping - they had been for quite a while.

Y/N knew she needed a break. But instead she continued to push herself, the thought of taking a break and falling even more behind or the idea that her grades would worsen not allowing her to have a moment of peace.

The fact that she was fighting with Fred, not having talked to him for a few days, was not helping. She knows she was in the wrong, she should apologize and tell him what’s going on. But for some reason, she didn’t want to admit that she was struggling. Not because she was egoistic, but because she felt she constantly had something to prove. Education was the only thing she excelled in, if she lost that she felt she would be nothing. She was embarrassed to ask for help; she did not want to appear to be a burden to him, to anyone.

“That’s enough!” said George one morning to his older brother. “You both can’t keep going on like this. You need to talk to each other, you’re both miserable.”

Fred sighed, looking away from his breakfast. “I know.”

“Well then, what are you waiting for!? She’s right there,” George said gesturing towards Y/N, sitting at the end of the table with Angelina and Alicia.

He knew he had to talk to her. Fred had noticed something was wrong for weeks now. He knew she was stressed out due to school, crumbling under the pressure and expectations she placed upon herself. But he didn’t want to force himself on her, so he’d decided to wait for her to approach him first. What she’d said had hurt him, no doubt about it, but he knew that she didn’t mean it. It was the outcome of a moment of anger. He had seen her the past few days around the castle too, struggling to carry on with her day. But he was afraid to walk up to her; afraid that she would lash out at him again. Afraid that the angry words that would follow, from both their sides, would worsen the situation.

Taking a deep breath, he walked down the table towards where she sat. Angelina sent him a small smile noticing him walk up to their small group. Fred paused for a moment, gathering up the courage to speak.

Y/N jumped at the unexpected sound of someone clearing their throat loudly behind her. She turned to see her boyfriend standing there, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked the same, a bit more troubled than she’d ever seen. He’d developed dark circles under his eyes; an indication he hadn’t been sleeping well, not that she had been either. Other than that, he still looked the same - the same boy that she’d fallen in love with.

“Can we- can we talk?” he asked nervously.

Y/N stared at him for a second before nodding. They both walked out of the Hall and through the corridor before entering an unused classroom. Fred shut the door behind him. The both of them did not speak a word, fidgeting as they gazed around the room, gazing everywhere except each other. Fred decided to take the initiative and start the conversation that was long due. But it seemed Y/N had made the same decision.

“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time. They both chuckled, the tension in the air disappearing.

Fred moved closer to Y/N, using the few seconds to come up with what to say.

“I’m sorry. I- I shouldn’t have said what I did. It was completely out of line and I didn’t mean it. I could never mean something like that. You- you know I didn’t mean it right? I was just frustrated, and I know that still doesn’t excuse what I said but I’m sorry. I am so so so sorry,” said Y/N, tears brimming her eyes. She took a shaky breath trying to calm herself down.

Fred closed the distance between them, cupping her face in his hands.

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean what you said. I understand, love. It’s okay. Don’t cry, please,” he said softly, his thumbs drawing circles on the soft skin of her cheeks.

“I really am so-” Fred leaned down, cutting her off with a kiss. Y/N’s hand moved to hold Fred’s forearms before slowly moving up his arms to rest on his shoulders. Fred broke the kiss after a while, resting his forehead against hers as his hands moved down to her hips.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I know you’ve been stressed over school; I should’ve been more supportive.”

Y/N shook her head. “No, you-” Fred cut her off with another kiss.

“How about we both stop apologizing and just agree it was no one’s fault, purely circumstantial?” he said.

Y/N hesitated before sighing and nodding knowing she would not win. “Brilliant,” said Fred, pulling her close to wrap her up in a hug. They stood there for a while, basking in the feeling of being in each other’s arms - their favourite place to be in the world - after days.

“You know you can come to me for anything, right? No matter how small or stupid you think it is, you have nothing to be embarrassed about with me. And no, you will not be burdening me. I’d be more than happy to help you,” Fred said, pulling away from the hug but still keeping Y/N at a close distance in his arms.

Fred smiled endearingly at the look of surprise that crossed Y/N’s face as she looked up at him. She really thought she’d done a better job at hiding how she felt but it seemed like Fred had seen through everything, just like he always did.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out? I care about you, Y/N,” Fred said, his hand tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear gently. His hand remained there, cradling her face, “I notice every miniscule thing about you, whether you want me to or not.”

Y/N averted her eyes, ashamed of herself. How could she ever think Fred would ever judge her badly? The boy whose eyes shined with love and adoration whenever his gaze fell upon her. The boy whose face lit up with the thought or mention of her. The boy who would be ready to give up anything and everything for her, including his dream of owning a joke shop.

“Just promise me you’ll take one day off,” Fred implored. “We can do whatever you want, wherever you want. You need to take one day to relax, love. You can’t keep overworking yourself like this.”

Y/N looked up and nodded with a smile. Fred smiled back, delighted with her compliance, leaning down to press a kiss against her forehead.

“I love you,” he mumbled against her skin.

“I love you.”

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

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jawabear · 4 years

Note

Hi~ could I request a Javi fic inspired by the song Take my breath away by Berlin? 🥺

Take my breath away (Javier Peña x Reader)

Not my GIF

A/N: thanks for the request Anon! I know you said you wanted it based on the song but I kind of based it on the scene in which the song plays in Top Gun...I hope that’s okay... this is more of a Frankie song to me, but I loved writing this for my love Javi. But I’m sorry if this kind of sucks? I really like it but I think it’s more to my personal taste... but I hope you enjoy it. I definitely recommend listening to the song whilst reading this, and maybe watching the scene too. But it’s not a requirement. Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe.

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff

Warnings: Fem!Reader, angry flirting, very slow sex, Javi being a little clueless about love and feelings, soft!javi, me trying to talk politics, time skips

Summary: The Calí case was to run differently, that was made clear to him. But something else is made clear to Javier as well.

Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game,

On this endless ocean finally lovers know no shame

Another day, another meeting. That’s all it was for Javier. But he didn’t expect much else. He didn’t expect the Cali case to be any different from the Escobar case. It now he was the one calling the shots, everything was a whole lot harder.

But he knew what meetings would entail. Him getting a talk from the ambassador. Generals giving zero shits for the safety of the DEA agents. And anyone else who was in their throwing in there opinions that meant jack shit to anyone else there. And she would be there.

The bane of Javier’s life.

She had been in his life since the Escobar case got going, but before Steve was sent down from Miami. He wasn’t sure what her job role was exactly. But she was in every meeting. In the background. Blending in and going unnoticed until she spoke. But Javi noticed her immediately. A radiant being. A beautiful woman. Who knew how to get shit done. And did it well.

Javier walked into the meeting room where it seemed everyone else had already been assembled, all waiting on him. All eyes were on him. He gave a curt nod and looked quickly around the room for a seat and glancing over the eyes that were on him. All except one pair.

There she sat. Writing something on her paper that probably had no relevance to anything and that no one would ever see. At first she didn’t care to acknowledge him. But he knew that she knew he was there.

Her eyes briefly looked up and met his.

Those eyes. Those damn eyes. They saw everything. They took everything in. She didn’t miss a single detail about anything or anyone. And he had fallen for those eyes. Those bright, big, beautiful eyes.

But it seemed as soon as they met his own, they were gone again, looking back down at her paper. Javi took the only seat that was available, the one that was right opposite her. Of course.

“Nice if you to join us, Agent Peña” Crosby said in a sarcastic tone.

“Sorry I’m late” Javier apologised, adjusting his sitting position as he opened the file in front of him.

The meeting got stated soon after that but it was nothing that Javier hadn’t already been told on his arrival back in Colombia. And besides, his attention was on something far more interesting. Or someone. But she paid no attention to him. She rarely ever did, save for the odd glance here and there. They had hardly ever spoke to each other. It seemed she much favoured Steve when he was there, that’s what he guess anyway. She much preferred to talk to him than Javi.

Javi knew that his feelings for her were ridiculous and one sided. She wouldn’t give him the time of day let alone the attention and affection he desperately wanted from her. She was firm, level headed, and strong willed. She never did anything spontaneous or unplanned. And he never seemed to have a place in her life. He didn’t have a place in her heart. At least, that’s what Javi believed.

“Ambassador” she said as she leaned forwards slightly to make her self visible to everyone. They all seemed a little surprised when she spoke up. Most likely because they had forgotten she was in there. “If I may sir?”

“Please” Crosby said gesturing for her to continue.

She nodded and glanced back to Javier whose eyes had barely left her for the duration of the meeting so far “I am aware, sir, that you have already made it clear to Agent Peña that the Cali case cannot be like the Escobar case. But I wanted to make it clear to both Agent Peña and everyone else present exactly what that means”

She paused for a moment and looked around the room for any sign of objection, but when she receive none, she continued again. “Calí had to be done differently. The Godfathers play by their own rules, yes, but they do have rules. And so do we. So we have to play by our rules too. We have to follow the rules of the Colombian government too. There is no way around that. No more unnecessary risks. We cannot work as freely and as uncontrolled and Agent Peña did in the Escobar case. It’s just not going to pass this time. And whilst they succeeded in capturing and killing Escobar, the extent of the damage left behind is immeasurable. It is best for the people of Colombia and the American government is we try to avoid that same future at all costs”

“Is this now just a dig at me, agent?” He laughed making her look at him.

“No. It isn’t. I’m simply stating that we can’t have a re-run of what you and agent Murphy did in Medellín. Too many lives were lost in the hunt for Escobar. Calí has to be done differently”

“It’s a drug war, (Y/N)” he spat “there is going to be a body count however it plays out”

“It’s the DEA’s job, Javier, to reduce that body count. Or to ensure there isn’t one at all. But from what I’ve heard, you had a personal hand in making the amount large” she retorted quickly, giving him a dark look from across the table.

“I think what she is trying to say,” Crosby spoke up, sensing the hostility between the two agents “is that we take no more unnecessary risks. We play things by the book. For the safety of everyone”

That pretty much wrapped up the meeting and Javier was far too pissed of to stay and shake the hands of those who thought so little of him. He made a quick escape and (Y/N) watch his every move.

But she was more polite than Javi was. No matter how bad a mood she was in, she always stayed to show respect to the others, even if often they didn’t deserve it. But once that was done, she followed in Javi’s footsteps out the door and trailing after him.

(Y/N) didn’t quite managed to catch up to him. She stood at the top of the embassy stairs as he swung open his car door. “Javier!” She called out to him. She knew he heard her, but he ignored her completely. He got in his car and it wasn’t long before he was driving off. “Fuck” she swore under her breath before marching to her own car to chase after him. He was going to listen to what she had to say, whether he liked it or not.

Turning and returning to some secret place inside,

Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say

“Javier” she called again getting out her car to meet him.

“You insult a guy and then follow him home?” He mocked.

“Javier, listen to me-“

“To you saying what? Have you got a list in your pocket of all the other ways you can slate me and my work? If you don’t like me (Y/N), just tell me. You’ve made it fucking obvious to everyone else!”

He went to walk past her by she took his arm in a surprisingly firm grasp and forced him to turn back and look at her. He could see the anger rising in her, she looked at him with serious yet soft eyes.

“Everything I said was true but there was more that I wanted to say. But I couldn’t say it back there. There were things I couldn’t admit back there. Like how I admired your bravery and dedication to this job. I couldn’t say that because everyone would see right through me. I didn’t want people to know the truth” she stated firmly as she looked between his eyes.

He let out a laugh and placed his hands on his hips “oh yeah? What truth?” He asked.

“That I’ve fallen for you” she said without skipping a beat.

For once in his life, Javier was speechless. He just stared at her, not knowing what to say. And she just stared right back, she wasn’t phased by her words at all. But what she was phased by was what he did next.

He walked towards her, grabbing her face in his hands and pressing his lips to her. She immediately kissed him back, he hands coming to rest on his hips. Their lips moved against each other perfectly. The cliche line that they were made for each other became apparent. And it was true.

Nothing felt more perfect.

My love, Take my breath away

She stood up against the wall beside his bed, his hands either side of her head but he stood at arms length away from her. Watching her with hungry eyes as she slowly unbuttoned her shirt revealing her black lace bra.

Javier hesitantly reached out his hand and trace along the fabric whilst she looked up at him through her lashes with wanting eyes. His hand slid up to her shoulder as he pressed his lips to hers again. His tongue came out to run across her bottom lip and she didn’t hesitate in opening her mouth for him to explore. As he did this, he pushed her shirt off her shoulder, it dropped to the floor and he wrapped his arms around her as she brought her hands up to rest of his bare chest.

“I’ve fallen for you too” he whispered. They were the first words he had uttered to her since she had said the same. She hummed against his lips and managed to slip her arms around his neck, lacing her fingers through his thick hair holding his lips against hers.

Carefully, Javi pulled her off the wall and laid her on the bed. He pulled his lips from her and looking into her eyes again. Slowly he lifted his hand and gently brushed a few stands of hair from her face. He then moved that hand down her body and slipped his fingers into her panties and stroked through her folds.

“Javi” she gasped before biting down on her bottom lip. His rough fingers found their way to her clit where he began rubbing soft circles over it making her moan quietly. Javi buried his face into her neck, licking and sucking at her soft skin. Her fingers wrapped around his strong biceps as she melted into his mattress and his sweet touch.

(Y/N) began rolling her hips, grinding against his fingers eager for more friction. Eager for his touch. He pulled his head from her neck and reattached his lips to hers, his tongue sliding back into her mouth, stroking over hers as he pushed down her panties and threw them across the room.

Their tongues still dancing together, her hands moved down his back to his jeans when she skilfully undid his belt and unzipped his jeans. His fingers were still rubbing at her clit making her let out breathy moans into his mouth. She sat up slightly so she could reach into his boxers and pull out his already hard length, teasing his head with her thumb making him instinctively thrust into her hand with a grunt making her smile.

He let out a low growl and pushed her down onto her back again before pushing his jeans and boxers further down his legs. He leaned back over her and slowly eased himself into her.

“Oh fuck” he gasped into the air. She hummed as he pushed further and further into her, her tongue sliding up the length of his neck before he looked back down at her. She looked up at him with a teasing look but that look was soon wiped of her face as he began to slowly thrust in and out of her. She hummed and flattened her hands on his broad back.

They both began filling his room with quiet and breathless moans of each other’s name. The gentle rustling of his bed sheets and quiet squeak of the bed too. The sound of his lips sucking at her neck and the sound of her fingers gliding up and down his back.

Javi had never been this slow and sensual with anyone. But he had never had a reason too. He didn’t need to work out his frustrations of his day, nor did he need to forget. No. He could enjoy it. He could feel it. Feel her. Hear her. Love her.

Her breath hitched in her throat as she rolled her head back, her back arching up so their chests were touching. She moaned from her throat as her nails dug into his back.

No words were needed for him to know he had hit a good spot inside her. Now words were needed for him to know she was already close to her end, but so was he. The slowness of the sex was driving them both crazy in the best possible way.

It just felt so good.

She whispered his name and he whispered hers. His thick fingers trailed down her body again, meeting her swollen clit and rubbing barely there circles on it, the light touches blew her mind, her nails dug further into his skin making him groan.

Javi looked down at her, loving the expression of pleasure on her face. He gently nipped at her chin making her smile “oh Javi” she whispered.

He only moaned in response as her walls began to pulse around him and she began to pant. His hips began to move a little fast and he pressed harder against her clit pulling cut little whimpers and whines from her.

It wasn’t long, then, before she was coming around him. Her breath almost stopping completely as her walls clamped down on him and her eyes were squeezed shut. He came quickly after that, shooting ropes of his hot come inside, resting his forehead against hers.

She was basically frozen in her state of pleasure, her body not moving or responding to him as he slowed his hips and pulled his fingers off her.

Javi pressed a loose kiss to her parted lips “breath for me baby” he whispered to her. Words he never expected to say to someone after sex. But nonetheless, he had to make sure she didn’t die on him. A deep breath fell from her lips fanning over his face “good girl” his hips came to a full stop and he slowly pulled out of her, letting her back ease back down onto his bed as he rolled off her.

Take my breath away

“I’m sorry” she whispered to him as she dragged her finger down the slope of his nose “I didn’t mean to make you angry. I know you did what you had to do for the good of the people... I said what I said because-“

He cut off her apology by pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss which she returned, her hand moving to rest against his cheek.

“I get it” he muttered against her lips “you don’t need to apologise”

“But I do” she said quickly “you’re a great agent Javi. And I admire you. I want you to know how great and amazing I think you are...” she looked up at him with sadness in her eyes. Desperate for him to know the truth.

“I’m just doing my job (Y/N)” he ran his index finger down the navel between her breasts “but I should apologise to you. For that way I spoke to you”

“I deserved it...” she smiled “for what I said to you”

“I guess we’re even then” he chuckled.

“Hmm, I guess so” she gently pulled his head back down so that she could kiss him again.

Take my breath away

13/01/21

Taglist: @linkpk88 @phoenixhalliwell @lunaserenade @harrys-stan (let me know if you want to be removed or added to the list)

#javier peña #javier peña x reader #javier peña fanfic #narcos #angst #smut #fluff #pedro pascal #fanfic

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